#in order to ENGINEER the idea that this kid in desperate need of support but already with a lot of good instincts and positive traits

[bigskydreaming]

The thing that kills me about the Star Wars prequel trilogy and why I will die on my hill that my problem is not that Star Wars is a tragedy, its that its a badly written tragedy, is that Anakin Skywalker was at his closest to being a good Jedi when he was ten years old.

[young-dumb-and-vaccinated]

The Cult Girl (Hannibal x Female!Reader) pt. 3

So I picked option 2 cause I just had more ideas around it. I could probably still do 1 and 3 sometime but this is the direction we're going now. Y/n gets a call from her horrible grandmother who is expecting a visit.

Trigger warning: discussions of emotional and mental abuse, gaslighting

That night at his dining table was the start of something wonderful. You made a point to apply a bit of perfume to your neck before you left your apartment. Your three slightly judgmental but overall supportive roommates even donated a few drops of their own fragrances from time to time. 

You didn’t like the sound of the sentence “Hannibal is my boyfriend”. It just didn’t hit your ear right. ‘Boyfriend’ was too childish of a title for him. By extension, he found something very diminutive about referring to you as his girlfriend. You were, of course, a grown woman. He remedied this right away, resigning to call you his ‘darling’. You, however, had to use ‘partner’ as a placeholder until a more suitable pet name presented itself. Although the titles were never stated outright, after a while, you knew it was more than just a passionate affair. Hannibal (and you were calling him Hannibal, now) saw potential in you. He nurtured you and had been since day one. 

Finally, things were starting to go your way. You were in classes you loved, had wonderful, supportive friends and a fulfilling relationship. It took over twenty years, but better late than never. 

But, if there was one thing you learned from your short stint as a student of physics, it was that what goes up must come down. Your long-awaited bliss was about to be tested by an equal and opposite force bearing the name “Beatrice [L/N]” on the caller ID. 

Not only did she call, but she called three times in the middle of your meal. And that was followed by multiple texts, several of which containing words like “emergency” in all caps. You were just trying to enjoy another one of Hannibal’s culinary works of art, but the old bitch was persistent. 

You apologetically excused yourself from the table and retreated to the office with your phone. 

Grandma, you had better be on your fucking deathbed. You thought to yourself before sliding the green answer icon across the screen.

“[F/N]!” Came her shrill voice. “You finally answered. I was beginning to worry.” 

“What do you want, grandma?” You groan. 

“I wanted to ask you what you were wearing to Anna’s wedding next weekend.” She explained, calmly as ever. “The color scheme is seafoam and coral and she wants to make sure everyone adheres to it for pictures.” 

You covered the speaker with your hand and pulled your phone away from your ear so she couldn’t hear you bite back a scream. It physically pained you to return the phone to your ear. “Yeah, I RSVPed no to Anna’s wedding.”

“[F/N],” Your grandmother said in that scolding tone you knew all too well. “Your cousin expects you to be there. I expect you to be there. I invested so much money into this wedding, I will take it as a personal affront if you don’t attend.” 

You take everything as a personal affront. You thought.  

“It doesn’t matter, I already said no. She’s not going to have a chair or food for me.” You explained, hoping that you found some way out of this conversation. 

“No, she will.” Your grandma corrected. “I won’t have any child of mine absent from another’s wedding. I put in all the work to pull this event together.” 

For a moment, you almost felt bad for Anna. Having to endure your grandmother’s micromanaging was a circle of hell even Dante refused to tread.

"Of course, heaven forbid someone in your life show an ounce of autonomy." You finally snapped.

"I don't know why you're acting so rude, but it stops now." Grandma ordered. "I raised you as my own daughter. You should be more grateful for the luxuries I can extend to you. I didn't have to take you in, you know..."

It pained you to stay quiet when all you wanted to say was "I wish you hadn't".

"Your emotional manipulation isn't going to work on me anymore." You informed her.

“So, naturally, I’ve seen to it that you are expected." She continued her own conversation without even acknowledging yours. "You and a plus one, of course.”

You hadn’t even considered the possibility of attending the wedding with Hannibal. The two points never once intersected. And they never would. You vowed that Hannibal would never meet your grandmother or cousins. At that moment, that was the hill you were willing to die on. 

“If I come at all, I’m coming alone.” You snap. “You can punish me all you want but I am not letting you get him involved.” 

“Him?” Your grandma repeated. “So there is someone?” 

“Someone you are keeping me from.” You said, thoroughly frustrated and now panicked at the idea that your grandmother knew Hannibal existed. “Goodbye.” 

You didn't want to rejoin Hannibal in such a sour mood, but you didn't want to keep him waiting either. You returned even more apologetically than you left and took your seat.

"Everything alright, love?" He asked. You could tell he was raring to psychoanalyze you.

You shook your head. "It was my grandma."

"I could tell that much." He admitted, beginning to cut into his steak. "What with all the frustration you're trying so desperately to hide. What did she want?"

"She called to tell me she expects me at my cousin's wedding next Saturday." You rolled your eyes. "I'd already declined the invitation, but she didn't like that, apparently."

"Which cousin is this?" He probed. "The one that works as an engineer for Halliburton?

"No, that's Theresa." You shook your head. "And she works for Halliburton, but she's not an engineer. She's a PR executive."

"Right." Hannibal nodded, taking a bite of steak between his teeth. "She took after your grandmother and turned gaslighting into a career."

You smiled a bit. "Right."

"So, it's Anna, then?" He concluded. "You haven't told me much about her. Perhaps she is the benign tumor of the family?"

"More or less." You shrugged. "She works at a publishing agency. Only got the job because her boyfriend's uncle's the CFO. She didn't even make it to the interview. It was pure nepotism."

"And now she's marrying the boyfriend, I presume?"

"Yeah." You felt a grin cross your face thinking about what you were going to say next. "She wasn't even dating him at the time. She was dating someone else and cheating on him with the guy she's marrying now."

Hannibal grinned. "You like knowing this? Having information that could potentially ruin her life?"

You knew there was no use in lying. The look on your face said it all. "Absolutely I do. When you're the black sheep of the family, you've gotta take power where you can get it. Mine just so happens to be potential blackmail."

"I'm quite delighted to be privy to this side of you, love." He smiled. "We're a bit vindictive, now are we?"

"Are you kidding?" You snicker. "These are the girls that psychologically tormented me growing up. Of course I'm vindictive."

"So about this wedding." He didn't look up from his plate. "Do they expect you to bring a date?"

"They do." You nod, your eyes wandering off. "But I can't let them meet you. They're just so unspeakably rude all the time."

For some reason, you felt that this didn't deter him. Perhaps it even compelled him a little. "Oh?"

"They take this really strange pride in making scenes everywhere they go." You explained. "They've already ruined so much of my life. I can't even give them the opportunity to ruin this too."

"Darling," Hannibal leaned in. "Is there a part of you that wants to attend this event?"

You held your tongue before you said anything you both know to be untrue. "...maybe a small part."

"That small part of you that wants power. That wants justice." He nodded. "Indulge it for a moment. What does this wedding look like to you?"

Trying to keep up the illusion that you hadn't thought of this before, you paused for a moment. "...we would show up--you and I--and I'd be wearing a stunning gown that doesn't fit the stupid color scheme at all. And there's just an unspoken knowledge that I could absolutely ruin Anna's entire day. Anna and Theresa and Grandma are all being nice to me because if I so much as mention the name of that boyfriend she cheated on, I'd ruin her life and possibly her career. So finally I hold all the cards."

Hannibal looked proud. He took a sip of his wine. "You want to be powerful, but with just enough restraint so they know you're the bigger person."

"Exactly." You agreed.

"Perhaps my fondness for you is clouding my professional judgment, darling." He put his wine glass down. "The thought of you in an evening gown, commanding attention and reverence... that's just something I have to see."

"...something you have to see?" You met eyes with him, realizing you were on the same page.

Your phone buzzed in your pocket again. This time, you didn't feel the need to step out.

"Hey [F/N], care to explain why my sister is crying?" Theresa snapped through the receiver.

"Is someone cutting onions nearby?" You offered. "That usually makes me tear up."

"Fucking hell, for once in your meaningless life can you care about someone other than yourself?!" Theresa yelled. "Grandma told us you're not coming to the wedding."

You looked back at Hannibal, who gave you a nod. "Actually, I am. We are."

[starlightrows]

Living On A Prayer

Pairing: Din x reader

Word Count: 1.2k

Warnings: Angst

Summary: Down on your luck, and a bit light of funds you try to find a way to help support your little trio

The last few months have not been kind to your little trio. It seemed like there was something going wrong at every turn. Starting with the Crest blowing out an engine and needing a new blast shield processor. You did your best to help Din make the repairs, but this was beyond both of your skills to fix. And it cost a small fortune to have fixed.

Initially Din had hired you to be a caregiver for his son. He treated you well, and paid you decently. The bunk was yours to use and he kept you well fed for the most part. That was well over a year ago. Not a lot changed in that time, except that he was more comfortable with you around now. He enjoyed your company and loved how well you cared for Grogu.

Not too long after those costly repairs, Din made the difficult decision to take a more dangerous bounty farther out in the outer rim than usual. He felt guilty dragging you and Grogu out that far, but it had to be done. Oh what a mistake that had been. Din came back shaking, bloody and delirious from exhaustion. You had one hell of a time trying to treat his wounds without removing the helmet.

You finally caved and flew the ship to the closest med center you could find, draining your personal store of credits saved up from Din paying you for your work, in order to buy a full dose of extra strength bacta shot.

“What were you thinking?” He snapped later the next day

“I was thinking I would have to haul two corpses back to Nevarro instead of one,” you retorted, holding the baby closer to your chest. You and Din didn’t quarrel often, and certainly not in front of the kid if you could help it.

“It’s bad enough I couldn’t bring him in warm,” Din huffed “We’ll be lucky if we get half the reward money now,”

You were both quiet for a long moment, you stroked Grogu’s soft ear between your fingers.

“I couldn’t just let you die,” you said. He took a long time to answer.

“I know,” he finally replied “thank you,”

Since then, he has gotten a few other jobs. But it’s not enough. Between the repairs, the bacta shot and the low paying finders fees he’s been collecting lately, credits are tight.

You didn’t realize how desperate it was getting until you went to inventory your remaining medical supplies and food. Minimal at best, and with less than a quarter of your usual budget to resupply, your heart sank. You’d had rough patches before where he didn’t make as many credits as usual, and you had no problem dipping into your savings to accommodate that. But now, with all of your money spent to save his skin, you were at a loss.

As you packed away the remaining supplies you did some quick math in your head, if you were careful and rationed out a little more from your portion of what’s left you’d be able to stretch what you still have an extra two rotations. With Din still hunting and Grogu still a growing child, they had to come first.

But two days is hardly enough, you’d have to figure out something else to supplement his unstable income. At least for a little while. For one thing, you knew you had to ask him to stop paying you. You’re just putting the money right back into the family so there’s really no point. You began looking through all of your clothes and possessions. Determining which items you could do without, which were absolutely essential, and what would get you the most credits. Your meager pile of items to sell would not be enough, you already didn’t own many frivolous things to begin with.

You sighed, sitting back on your heels. The sound of little feet coming towards you drew you out of your fog. Grogu toddled up to you, clicking his claws indicating he wanted to be held, you indulged him, scooping him up into your arms and tucking him into your side while you continued going through your possessions.

“I don’t suppose you have any marketable skills or a secret stash of luxury items we can sell?” You asked him. He cooed in response “Yeah, I didn’t think so. Thanks anyway, buddy”

After another couple minutes of agonizing over your choices, you gave up and decided it was time to bring Din into this. Tell him of your plan and see if he had any bright ideas on how you could contribute to resolving this money problem. You hitched Grogu up a little higher on your hip and made your way up to the cockpit. Din sat in the pilots seat, pouring over the galaxy map and muttering to himself under his breath.

“Hey,” you started cooly, setting Grogu down in his pram and easing down into the copilot’s seat “I need to talk to you about something if you’ve got a minute,”

The helmet turns towards you, and he presses a button to close the navigational charts. He’s listening.

“I inventoried the food and medical supplies we have left, there’s only got enough to last us about another 9 days if we stretch it. So I’ve been trying to think of ways to get us some extra credits until things start picking back up,” you explain. He nods in assent, so you continue on.

“I was thinking about selling off some of my clothes and old things I don’t need anymore. That should get us a least a little bit of money. I was also thinking maybe I could start making things to sell when we stop on different planets. I’m a pretty fair seamstress, I could make blankets and reusable bags and sell them at the street markets when we stop,” Din continues nodding along, you hope he’s actually listening to you “Oh and it’ll help if we stop separating our money, it’s all going to the same projects and I-“

“What?” He cuts you off

“What?” You respond in confusion

“I’m not going to stop paying you,” he says frankly

“Din, you can’t afford to keep paying me like this. It doesn’t matter anyway. We’re living on a prayer at this point, and we can’t keep this up. We need to put that money into getting the parts to fix the heating coils so we don’t freeze and making sure the baby has enough to eat” you try your best not to belittle him in your words. Because he really is doing everything he can to provide for you and Grogu.

“That isn’t fair to you. I won’t ask you to stay and work without pay,” you can feel the pain in his voice as he says it. But a bolt of pain and confusion hits you as well. Would he really dismiss you after everything you’d been through and everything you’ve built together.

“It’s not about the money Din. It hasn’t been about the money for a long time. I stay for him. I stay for you... I thought you knew that”

“I— I just... I didn’t want to assume...” he stammers

“Let me spell it out for you, no assumptions necessary. I love you. I’m not going anywhere, money or not. We’re gonna work together to get things back on track.” You reach out for him, and take his gloved hand. “We’ll make it through this, together,”

Din Djarin Tag List: @spideysimpossiblegirl

[lizacstuff]

Sen Çal Kapımı / Edser  Anon asks for Episode 42

Good asks again for this episode and I got very wordy when answering.

Find asks and answers under the cut...

Anonymous asked: Hey, Liza! How did you like the ep? I loved that Eda was the one to tell him the truth and and also liked how they kept us intrigued about who will tell Serkan, Eda or our private investigators Aydan, Engin and co (although they should have gone to Eda first, it's not their secret after all). I wish, of course, that the writers would show us the scene where Serkan was telling Kiraz those sweet things she mentioned to Eda, but I guess it was done on purpose for the dramatic end of the ep. Why do you think Serkan didn't pick up any clues about his daughter? I mean, Ayse always wrote him as a smart guy. Perhaps, he felt that Kiraz is his but was afraid to face the truth? What do you think? I just hope that we hear Serkan's pov in the next ep!! and they taaaaalk!

I did like a lot of things about the episode, but some parts were a bit frustrating to watch. Not frustrating like the amnesia times where I felt sick and just wanted the episode over, nothing like that. I still enjoyed watching and the time moved quickly, but it was frustrating to watch them both be so DENSE.  

Serkan. Come on, the obvious is staring him in the face. As you say, he’s a smart dude, so why isn’t he putting this together? And it was frustrating that we still don’t know anything from his perspective. Why is he the way that he is when it comes to children!?!? That is the question. IF (a big if) they go the route of him not thinking he can have children after his treatments that would go a long way to explaining why it never occurs to him that he’s her father. However, we don’t know if they’re going to go that way or not, if they don’t I guess we’re just supposed to believe he’s so distracted by Eda that he can’t see what’s blatantly obvious to everyone else?

What was even more frustrating, though, was that Eda was so obtuse when it came to Serkan  Look, from Eda’s perspective I get the notion of wanting to make sure Serkan would be open to a child before telling him. However, the only thing worse than Serkan finding out about Kiraz and outright rejecting her is Serkan finding out and him being angry at what he’s lost and proving Eda wrong by embracing Kiraz as his own. In that scenario Eda has to face how wrong she’s been and how she’s deprived both Serkan and Kiraz (and herself) of a vitally important relationship. That’s A LOT. So I can see why Eda was invested in Option C: the secret remains intact.

So I think in this episode she was seeing what she wanted to see. Or what the worst version of herself wanted to see. Eda is a very good person, but I think she wanted to find reasons not to tell him in order to justify the lies she’s told. Also I think there was part of her that just couldn’t handle hoping that he would want to be a part of their lives. She wanted to shut it down before he could get any further under her skin.

Any way you slice it, though, her unwillingness to see Serkan and Kiraz’s growing bond is a bit selfish. On the other hand she’s not really thinking straight. She has Serkan back in her life, discombobulating her, engaging her heart, confusing her, bringing up all those old powerful feelings. She has Kiraz pining for her father while forming an attachment with a man who happens to be said father. She has Ayfer, Melo, Burak and even Kerem pressuring her in different ways and Ayfer full on judging her. Plus she has Aydan sniffing around.

With all of that I think we can forgive her for not thinking straight, she must be pretty stressed out. However, that still doesn’t really excuse her actions this ep.

Which brings us to her testing him. Seriously? Putting aside the fact that she’s making the man unwittingly prove to her that he deserves to know something that is his unalienable right to know, what was that test?  Let me get this straight, when Eda, who is an experienced single mother, has to take an important call she sends Kiraz away, but when Serkan,  who is not experienced with children and not used to them, is on an important call he’s supposed to gracefully navigate having a 5-year-old he barely knows climb all over him?  And that’s the litmus test for whether he gets to know he’s a father? A test Eda wouldn’t even take herself? WTF?

So bizarre. So Serkan didn’t pass that test, but Eda also either doesn’t see or refuses to see "good” moments. Serkan is at the pool, pretty much at Kiraz’s command, blowing up her floaties, attempting to fix her hair. The guy doesn’t know what’s going on but he’s still willing to sit there and humor this kid and that should have been enough for Eda.  Then she walks up when they’re sitting in the garden and it doesn’t occur to her that for quite some time Serkan Bolat has been successfully entertaining a 5-year-old girl he thinks belongs to Melo. When Eda arrives they are seated together, Kiraz is in good spirits, she’s sitting on an extra cushion, which she clearly didn’t get herself, but this very unSerkan-like moment doesn’t count in Serkan’s favor?  Could she have ever imagined Serkan spending that kind of time with a random child? Why is this not registering with her! Oh because she doesn’t want it to. 

 And again at the end of the episode Eda walked up to find Serkan crouching down on Kiraz’s level having a full conversation with their daughter while no one else was around. But that interaction also doesn’t weigh with her?

So what exactly was Eda wanting to see? Is there even a way Serkan could have unwittingly proven himself? Did he need to say, “Golly gee, Eda, I wish Kiraz was our daughter” in order to unlock the secret level that lets him know he’s a father?

And for this nonsense we must blame the writers. They clearly wanted the dramatic 11th hour reveal from Kiraz that Serkan had been bonding with her and for Eda to make the decision at the last minute to turn back and tell him.  But her leaving at all was incomprehensible to me. At the point that she decided to go, Piril had told her that Aydan and Engin were onto her and knew that Kiraz was Serkan’s daughter. Her excuse that if she left maybe they’d forget about it? Has the character of Eda ever uttered a dumber line? No seriously? She thinks Aydan is going to figure out she has a granddaughter, that Serkan’s flesh and blood is out there and she’s going to let it go? Engin too? Good grief, Eda is not that clueless to think her moronic plan would work out. This episode asked for a lot of suspension of disbelief, too much when it came to Eda’s actions.

However, I must say running away is entirely in Eda’s character, she’s done that many times. So, having said all that, I do feel for Eda. She’s raised Kiraz as a single mother and done all of this by herself for a long time. And I can only imagine how disheartening it was to have Serkan aggressively pursuing her all episode, but when they have a real moment on the pier after reading the message in a bottle, he immediately dismisses the idea of having children. In light of what was on her mind, I can see why that was devastating to her and made her want to flee. 

The thing is there has to be a reason why Serkan is so adamant. He’s now past whatever depression and PTSD he might have been suffering from after the treatments, and he also now knows what it’s like to actually lose Eda and he knows he wants her back... so why is he still so adamant that he doesn’t want children after wanting them before?  We are in desperate need of his perspective on this, and I hope both the audience, and Eda, get it.  It’s too cruel to her not knowing why and just thinking he hates the idea of kids with her that much.

Thank goodness Eda got to him to tell him before Engin or Aydan. I’m not sure what either one of them thought they were doing, just going to spring the news on him without putting any thought into it, I guess.  Yes, they shouldn’t hide it from him, but the reveal can wait until morning until they can figure out a plan to confront Eda and force her hand or whatever else they need to do. 

Those final moments were intense, the dramatic effect they were clearly going for was there.  It was such a relief to hear Kiraz tell her mother how she had bonded with Serkan and gotten to know him.  That girl is smarter than the rest of them combined, I wouldn't be surprised if she knows. Or at least hopes; there’s a reason she’s so attached to him and that she wanted him to be able to find them. However, it would have been much more impactful if we’d actually seen those moments. Either in real time or as flashbacks when Kiraz is talking. I’m not sure why they didn’t do that. 

The final scene struck the right emotional chord for such a heavy confession, and I’m very anxious to see what happens next! 

Anonymous asked: Hello, Liza:) What are the things you liked most and least in the episode?

Let’s see...

LIKED

Scenery - The visuals of this season are stunning.

Hande & Kerem - They both continue to delivery great performance and their chemistry is always on fire. They transform every scene given to them to a winner. They were particularly good in the bottle scene. 

Edser - I watch this show for their scenes and even when there’s a huge lie and secret between them, their scene are always fun to watch.  Loved Serkan suddenly playing aloof after the kiss and loved that Eda couldn’t leave him alone. 

Kiraz/Maya - What a joy she is to watch. This could have gone so wrong with an overly precocious child, but she’s so cute and she plays so well off not only Hande and Kerem, but everyone she works with. 

Kiraz/Serkan - Every second they’re on screen together is wonderful.  PS -  All I want from this show is after Kiraz finds out is for her to fasten herself to Serkan koala-hug style and just refuse to let go. 

The paternity hijinks -I know, I know, there was too much time spent on supporting characters this episode, but there was some funny stuff when it came to Engin, Erdem, Aydan and Seyfi trying to sleuth their way to the truth. I actually found the mistaken toothbrush to be funny. Come on, Engin, you don’t know your own kid’s toothbrush? I also enjoyed the little nod to shattering gender stereotypes. The melodrama of them believing Engin was the father and accusing him of betraying both Piril and Serkan was dumb but hilarious. Then it got even better with the four of them wrestling each other in slow mo to try to get to the lock of hair first... I laughed out loud. 

Pina/Kerem - Cuties. Poor things, they’ll also have to overcome meddling relatives, misunderstandings and miscommunication.  I also liked Pina figuring out that Serkan is in love with Eda. 

Liked... less

Screen time - I felt the lack of Edser screen time this week. We need more Edser! Much more.  It feels like they are not taking the opportunity to let their scenes breath. Each interaction is so short. Hopefully, once we’re past the secret keeping portion they can elongate some of their scenes and not always have one of them rushing away. 

Production quality - While there were some beautiful shots this episode, there were a few scenes that were lackluster when it comes to the efforts of the crew. The pool scene is one. I get that they probably planned to shoot that outside in Sile, but  weather got in the way and they ended up shooting at an interior in Istanbul, but still, the angles were cramped and they did not make the most of having both Hande and Kerem in the water. Plus they cut the shot of Serkan walking towards her, shirtless and smirking. WHY?  

Additionally, the camera angles and editing on the fainting scene were pretty subpar.  We got a better view of that scene from the fan hiding behind a wall with an iphone! From said fan we can see that the crew would have had plenty of room to move and to get proper angles, but instead we got a 30 second scene where they didn’t make use of the setting, the camera was so zoomed in you couldn’t see anything and still their faces were pretty obscured.  Not Altan, Hakan and crew’s best work, that’s for sure.

Eda’s lies, tests and leaving - I chronicled this above, but the show isn’t doing her any favors. I think the writers think they are making her sympathetic (they are to a certain degree) but it’s not enough to justify her behavior. I’m really excited to get past this phase and hopefully to one where she’s not trapped in lies to the people she loves most.

Ayfer - Can she stay in Sile when the action moves back to Istanbul? Or better yet go back to Italy? She is absolutely insufferable and when she was smugly smiling and telling Serkan he’d missed Eda I wanted to slap her across the face. At least Eda finally got tetchy with her when she was continuously pushing her towards Burak. Eda was right! Burak can see that Eda isn’t interested in him, why can’t Ayfer and Melo see it?

Burak - Seriously this dude has the charisma of a paper weight. I still can’t wrap my head around him thinking he has a shot with someone like Eda. And what was his little squirmish with Serkan? Like, dude, you have no idea of the history and dynamics at work, you also have no idea who you’re dealing with, but if you’re going to start something at least see it through. Instead he slinks away after making a few haughty remarks under his breath. Real tough. So far he’s not good enough for Melo, so I don’t know how they’re going to make him interesting enough for her. 

Anonymous asked: hi! do you like how Serkan's character shown this season? tbh I expected at least some of his pov explained, not just "we don't need to have kids, Eda," "my work is my only responsibility," etc. As to his "infamous" line in the fragman, I hope it is taken out of context and will lead to a meaningful conversation between EdSer about Serkan's genuine fears (cause c'mon, finding out that you have a 5-year-old kid is kinda overwhelming), but I don't trust writers anymore lol. They keep picturing Serkan as a bad guy. How do you think he will react and act in the next epi?

I don’t think they are depicting him as the bad guy. I mean are you walking away from the episodes thinking he’s the bad guy? I’m not. In the flashbacks, there were some when he was upset and angry and clearly they’ve let us know he’s the reason they separated, but it’s also been clear that there’s more to the story we just haven’t heard it yet. 

Agreed that we’re over due for his POV and an explanation of why he did what he did, but I have to assume it’s coming in the next episode. In that episode he’s going to be grappling with a pretty huge thing, he’s just learned a secret that will turn his life upside down. And as anxious as we’ve been to find out why he broke up with Eda, learning he’s a father is probably the perfect time to flashback and tell us why he abruptly decided he didn’t want a family with her all those years ago and set all of this in motion.

There has to be a reason, and I think we’ll find out this week. If we don’t, then the writers will have pushed it too far. However, Ayse answered a tweet a few weeks ago saying that she loved Serkan as much as Eda and that he has reasons too. So fingers crossed we find out what those reasons are sooner rather than later. 

Anonymous asked: so I've really tried to remain neutral here because I know they both had their reasons during the breakup but in this last episode, Eda kinda rubbed me the wrong way and while sure it was her right to tell Serkan the secret, I was rooting for Aydan and Engin to do it by the end because she really was about to escape town without saying anything until our sweet Kiraz spilled last minute. I didn't care who told him at that point, I just needed SOMEONE to!

This is an understandable reaction.  The writers really did Eda no favors this episode.  I guess this episode was her journey to accepting the fact that Serkan is back in her life and will need to know about their daughter. And her daughter deserves to know about Serkan. She’s been living a huge lie for 5 years, so it’s a bit understandable that she’s having trouble letting it go. They just got a little clumsy telling that story. 

But we love Eda, we won’t hold it against her, will we?

Anonymous asked: Can we talk about how this 5-yr-old girl is the one who understands Serkan the most? and they just met? and they don't know they're related? she wanted him to find her?!?!! and when Eda tried to tell her that Serkan didn't care about her, she gave the best clapback and defended her dad. 👏 She is the true hero of this love!

She is the true hero of their family!  Leaving her shoe for him to find, being able to articulate to her mother how he really did take an interest in her, got to know her, and even confided in her. Smart girl. She was able to see what her mother could or would not. 

Kiraz does seem to understand him and his gruffness doesn’t faze her at all, on the contrary she just stands up to him and gives the sass back to him. Like I said last week, he challenges her in a way she’s not used to because all the adults in her life just let her run wild with little discipline or accountability and just give her whatever she wants. But she also challenges him in a big way, and in the next episode I think we’ll see him facing her existence as the biggest challenge of his life. 

The scene when Serkan teaches her how to apologize (the irony!) and make amends was especially great. As we saw in the season premiere when Burak was dismissive and haughty with a customer rather than rightly reminding Kiraz to apologize for knocking over Serkan’s water, Kiraz, as I said above, is surrounded by adults that dote, but think she does no wrong so they don’t always model proper behavior. What a relief to see a contrite Kiraz and Serkan being patient and taking the time with her. And the hug! Awwww. “Are we really strangers, Serkan Bolat?” was a perfect line.

Anonymous asked: Heey! What are your thoughts on the fragman? Cause now I'm a bit afraid to watch the next ep... but I think Serkan can be understood; like day ago he told Eda that they didn't need kids, so I guess it would be weird if he was all excited to know that they have a daughter. But idk... I just want Kiraz to have her dad back with her, she wants him so much!!! and the girl is so smart, like I know that is unlikely, but I think she figured it out on her own that Serkan might be her dad! Offf, I love her. I just hope Serkan's "I'm not ready to be a dad" is in the first half of the epi, and then it is him being afraid but doing his best to get close to Kiraz cause we already saw how he liked her. After all, it seems like the end of the epi will be Kiraz's b-day, and Nesli said that the end will be very sweet and emotional.

I think the next episode is Serkan’s story of becoming a father, and by the end of the episode we’ll see him stepping up and accepting his role and hopefully fully embracing it. 

We’ll see how he reacts but at some point he obviously says, “I’m not ready to be a father.”  I just hope it’s more, “I’m not ready to be a father, so let’s hold off on telling Kiraz for now” and not “I’m not ready to be a father, so I’m planning on ghosting the both of you.”  My guess is that scene is maybe midway through the episode? Like maybe he finds out, freaks out, then he decides it’s too much right now, and says that to Eda, but by the end he figures out his business and thus the sweet and emotional ending. I mean what else could a sweet and emotional ending be for an episode about Serkan finding out he’s a father?

We also know from the IG live on premiere day that Kerem was out of sorts and in a bad mood after filming an “intense” scene for this episode, and that Hande’s hair in that live matches her hair in the “I’m not ready to be a father scene.” So that’s either the scene or a scene probably before or after it on the same day, so I think we’ll need to emotionally prepare to be put through the wringer. However, I don’t think there’s anything to fear in watching it. This season’s storyline is about them becoming a family, so just remember that’s what’s going to happen

As for Serkan’s mindset, it’s understandable if at first he feels overwhelmed and not up to the job. This is a man who did not have a good father role model, doesn't think he’s worthy of love, and finding out Eda had their child and didn’t tell him is going to make him think that Eda doesn’t think he’s worthy either. Think of that from his perspective, he might have pushed her away and said he didn’t want children, but she is the one who decided that their daughter would be better off not knowing him. At least that’s how he’s probably going to take her secrecy, and I can’t really blame him for that. That would be a blow to anyone, but Serkan Bolat will take it especially hard. After all she actually loved him and knew him best, so if that person doesn’t think he’s fit, that’s not going to help his confidence or allow him to think he has anything to offer a child. 

Obviously he’ll come around and quickly in the scheme of things, it’s just going to take approximately 2 hours for him to do it. 

[shouldntcryoverit]

the art of discordance

captain rex x jedi fic during clones wars era...

CHAPTER TWO

Pure chaos resonated as the small team fought to overcome the controls. The panic bubbling over from the separatist attack didn’t diminish as the smaller ship shot through lightspeed, leaving three half crazed jedi, a few clones, and one injured general.

“Turn the power back on! Turn it on!” Jaida yelled into the cockpit. The victory of avoiding the burning sun they were previously on course to crash straight into was short lived as they swerved dangerously close to another planet.

“I’m... trying!” Aayla groaned, hand outstretched to the lever. It clunked downwards and Jaida, Rex and Aayla fell to the floor with a heavy thud.

The ship plummeted towards the ground, having lost all control over the engines. Smoke encased them through a straight course at least an inch into the growth, leaving a scorched dent in their path. The clones and jedi scrambled to get out the burning wreckage of the ship, though when they all collapsed in relief, they found their situation to be no better.

Anakin was in a bad condition, one that looked to be deteriorating quickly. Ahsoka and Jaida carried him to rest under a makeshift tent, but the young padawan didn’t move as he lay unconscious. Jaida watched with concerned eyes, for her friend yes, but also for the young togruta that shuffled anxiously. The pair hadn’t spoken much; Ahsoka had spent her time training or at the temple whereas Jaida remained very much rooted in battle rooms, but the times they did spend with each other Jaida found the kid’s attitude refreshing. She knew why Anakin spoke so highly of her.

“he’ll be okay kid” Rex reassured. Ahsoka nodded solemnly and sighed, walking forward to talk over her master.

“Jaida and Rex will watch over you, be strong master” the togruta uttered, before resuming her position beside the knights.

The two watched as the rest of the group ran off into the tall grass, leaving them to stand in silence.

Jaida let out a shaky breath as she folded onto the ground, Anakins feet in front of her.

Rex spoke first “he will be okay, sir” it was an attempt to reassure her, though she had not admitted she was worried.

Her response was another huff of breath, followed by a hand running through her hair.

“Anakin has always had the ability to bounce back from injuries, it seems even his body is too stubborn to stop fighting” her words fell heavy as she watched her friend’s chest rise and fall slowly.

Rex’s smile settled “you care more than you let on, don’t you?”

Her eyes lifted from Anakin’s form and met his in a rigid glare. Rex regretted his boldness instantly, but her eyes softened in admission.

“i saw your order” he continued bravely “the men wondered were it all came from” he was referring to the extra order of cotten blankets she had placed a week previously. Rex assumed it was out of compassion as she realised the coldness of the Resolute.

“good, men work better if they actually manage a decent night sleep” She got up and brushed herself down, peaking her head around the corner to check for any signs. Rex felt a twinge in his stomach of her disregard; her kind act now seemed tainted as nothing more than a battle strategy, and it left a bad taste on his tongue.

Rex took a moment actually size up the new general. Her robes were similar to Skywalker’s, but they fitted her form more. She wore black boots and gloves up to her elbow, her collarbone hidden with the same material. Her hair was lighter in the sun, but Rex could still see the way it framed her face and fell loosely from its plaited hold. Her face was still set in that expression of neutrality, though it broke slightly as the hint of serenity curved her alluring lips. Her eyes were young and bright, full of a mixture of gold and blue.

Before she could say anything else, a roar broke the silence, followed by the pounding footsteps of two animals.

Rex shot up, blasters ready, and Jaida ignited her duel blade. They shared a look of panic, before they each dove away to block or attack whatever strike came at them.

After quite some struggle, the pair had overcome their attackers, and the two animals lay dead on the ground. Before the interruption, Jaida had felt a new sense of gratitude towards the captain. That maybe she had misjudged his professionalisms and could enjoy his company further than what protocol dictated. It was when Rex propped himself up that Anakin groaned awake. At the noise, Jaida hurried to his aid.

“Anakin! You okay?” she helped him sit up. He groaned once more and faultered against his injuries.

“this mission- sucks” he managed. As he came to, the surroundings became clearer. “you look like hell”

“always a charmer” she grinned as he helped him up.

“what happened to the others?” Skywalker quizzed

“the went to look for help, actually they should be back soon.”

“so we don’t have a ship, communication or supplies, great” Anakin grumbled

“negativity doesn’t suit you”

“you got a better outlook?” before Jaida could reply to his question, the rest of their team stumbled out of the grass, along with a new companion.

By the time it took to take Anakin back to the village, his condition had deteriorated. Jaida couldn’t budge the irrational feeling in her stomach, but held face as Ahsoka trudged next to her.

“I understand staying neutral, but really? i mean you gotta have an opinion at least!” she ranted

“some people just don’t care about what doesn’t involve them” Jaida countered absentmindedly

“selfish”

“perhaps”

They made it to the village, and despite the old chief’s disgruntled disagreement they were allowed to seek refuge. It was no retreat, that was for certain, but Ahsoka for one felt entirely more secure knowing that her master was getting the medical attention he so desperately needed.

He was whisked away by the village medic almost as soon as they arrived, and the three Jedi left remained cautious of theyre situation.

Time passed, with Ahsoka helping a few villagers carry out daily tasks, and Jaida scouting the near area; it actually felt like time had stopped. There was a peacefulness that none of the visitors had experience in such a long time, for clones maybe never. Rex had never been able to sit and watch as children laughed and played, without thinking about how he should escape if need be. It was tranquil and calm, and it made Rex think.

When Jaida returned, she returned quickly.

“Ahsoka! Tell Aayla we’re gonna have company!” her shouted alerted the relaxed captain into a far more rigid standing.

“who is it?” Bly questioned with furrowed brows

“seppies”

—————————————————-

Everytime she looked his way there was something that sparked, or snapped maybe - he wasn’t sure. It wasn’t anything good, but he doubted that it was hate. Rex just couldn’t stand the feeling he gave her. So he figured he couldn’t stand her.

It was no different now as the pair waited behind the stacks of nut pods for the enemy to near. A plan had been formulated after they left the village so quickly, and by seeing the extent ifthe seperatist forces it was no wonder they had scrambled to do so. Jaida had already irked him today, by seeming so unbothered by the idea of a new ion canon, one that was able to wipe out all organic matter.

His distractions dissipated when the first shot flew past his head. That was certainly enough to wipe his mind. He ducked behind a pod and began shooting, knocking droids down like a pin ball game at 79s.

The disctractions, those that humanised into the form of a woman standing of few metres to his left, seemed to have a mind of their own. Jaida slunked away from her position, and walked straight out into the battlefield. Rex grinded his teeth as she put away her lightsaber. He had to remind himself that yes she was putting herself in unecessary danger, and that no, that wasn’t what he was angry about.

“im sure your a smart man” Jaida called out, hands calmly behind her back “there’s certainly a more pleasant way to deal with situations” the words fell fruitlessly off her tongue.

“what’s she doing?” Bly muttered with spite, though Aayla dismissed his question with a wave of her hand.

“don’t try to trick me, jedi”

“there is no trick. You are the one with canon of course” she smiled coldly at the separatist, patronism seeping through her tone “although, if we do manage to reach an agreement, your day might just turn out swell”

“was that a threat?!” the hast in his voice caused a loud clunk to be heard as the droids aimed they’re guns once more.

“nope” Jaida said, popping the ‘p’, just before a clankers took a shot, and she dodged it. Perfectly.

It looked like some sort of game on the holonet, Jaida avoiding each bullet carelessly and without struggle, as if they bent around her path instead. She reached a safe distance, and smiled pleasantly, reaching into a pocket behind her back and drawing a small explosive. She threw it into the canon opening, and the problem was solved with a rattling boom.

Her solution did work, but Rex still kept a stern look. Even when the support ships finally rescued them.

He kept it until she rested beside him, both standing against a wall bored and tired.

“you look tired” he commented

“hm” Jaida’s eyes never left the datapad she was staring at. “you should get some rest too, it’s been a long few days” she deliberated carelessly. When the captain didn’t reply she turned her head to face him.

“what is it?”

The captain tittered antagonisingly “why is it that you always have to go off script?”

Jaida looked at him with a more confused look than anger.

“i saved those villagers, you know that was my only intention?” her tone was clear, informative.

“you do never fail to keep battles interesting” Rex quipped

“i think i’ll take that as a compliment” she grimaced

“perhaps you should”

She spoke after a moment of pregnant silence. “captain if there’s something you have to say i suggest you say it”

“with all due respect, you ought to realise that you have a responsibility to your men, to yourself even” he began after a beat.

“it isn’t something i’ve failed to notice”

“you brash, careless- you act like you have nothing to loose”

“we’re fighting a war” Jaida countered

“and we don’t need anymore casualties than we already have” Rex’s voice was no longer as angry as it began, now growing colder as exasperation clawed at his tired mind.

Rex paused, taking a deep breath of his own and trying to rid himself of his own irrational and unprofessional nags.

“i am not a liability, you need to trust me” she was stern now. It wasn’t that the captain had irked her, his anger came from a very real place, but she was just annoyed that she couldn’t find the words to calm it.

“and you need to trust that we know what we’re doing, even without your last minute strategies”

Silence. Jaida clicked her tongue, acceptance though Rex didn’t know to recognise it.

“goodnight general”

She locked eyes with him once more. A second passed, before he left her in silence.

He didn’t hate her. That he knew for sure.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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@pinkiemme

[doctorcanon]

The Final Days of Ryoko Shinonome (Modern AU Idea)

Just something that randomly came to me. A modern AU with the Older pilots in mind. It would take place in Okinawa during the closure of several Army Bases (that have reopened since) in 2007 when Bush was in office and leaving several Japanese and American servicemen who fought in the Middle East at the height of the conflict without any VA benefits, unable to join the Japanese Defense Force and many with debilitating injuries, specifically loss of eye sight. Will handle subjects such as: Terminal Illness, Narcissistic Parental abuse, PTSD, Infidelity and Death = like lots of discussion about death.

Ryoko Shinonome: A 35 year old civil engineer who has been diagnosed with metastatic brain cancer. Despite battling it for a number of years, she now has a very limited time to live. Suffering from cognitive impairment and Vascular Dementia, she needs constant round the clock care. Her adopted brother Ei moved in with her after her fiance Tetsuya suddenly called off the wedding shortly after her diagnosis. However, she often forgets and Ei has to break her heart all over again. On the days she’s aware of her condition, she’s started getting her affairs in order and is currently working with Renya Gouto to arrange her own funeral and cremation. 

Ei Sekigahara: Ryoko’s younger brother, though they aren’t related by blood. Her primary caretaker due to the fact that he’s recently been released from military service and doesn’t have a 9 to 5 job. The stress of Ryoko’s care and his own personal demons have really done a number on his mental health. He ends up having to hire a hospice nurse who encourages him to attend a support group for veterans. Can and will kill Tetsuya Ida on sight. 

Iori Fuyusaka: Ei Sekigahara’s girlfriend and Tsukasa Okino’s Younger sister, a beloved elementary school teacher and all around ray of sunshine. She and Ryoko didn’t really get along in the first place but the latter got violent with her during one of her episodes. She truly does want to help, but only seems to be making the situation worse. Something her mother Chihiro says she’s quite good at.

Keitaro Mirua: A Routine Care hospice nurse hired by Ei Sekigahara for Ryoko, also a former soldier. Honestly, the man is a goddamn saint; he’s sweet, kind and maybe even a little shy. He’s been through a lot after he was injured in the field. Now that he has control over his life, he wants to help others. He attends a support group for former combat veterans and encourages Ei to attend as well. Trying to find the perfect ring to propose to his girlfriend.

Takatoshi Hijiyama: Miura’s closest friend and Tsukasa Okino’s husband. Also attends the same support group. Really, really struggling to adjust to civilian life, even more so after realizing that his injuries are more severe than originally thought. He has, however, discovered a great love of cooking through his physical therapy and enjoys taking care of his often workaholic husband, sometimes too much if you ask Tsukasa.

Tsukasa Okino: Former coworker and friend of Ryoko Shinonome and very talented Biomedical Engineer. Tends to get really lost in his work and hasn’t heard from Ryoko in a long time and is shocked to hear that her condition is terminal. This puts a lot into perspective not just with his husband but with his family. He decides to reach out to his estranged sister Iori. Unfortunately, Iori wants to bring their mother into it.

Yuki Takamiya: A physical therapist who once treated Shinonome and became pretty close with her and Ei. Occasionally comes by to drop off meals and see how Sekigahara is doing. Sometimes she invites him to the kickboxing gym to get him out of the house, she thinks that the support group is a good idea. After all, therapy helped her a great deal after her husband passed away.

Shu Amiguchi: Met Yuki Takamiya while visiting Ryoko, his former coworker, at the hospital and hasn’t left her alone since. A fellow engineer, he’s much smarter than he lets on. He works pretty closely with Okino too. He was actually really close to Ryoko since she dated his brother Tetsuya. Ei doesn’t really like him, but his weekly visits make Ryoko happy so they don’t talk that much. He believes that Tetsuya broke up with her because of her condition and that was the last straw and he stopped speaking to him.

Natusno Minami: Miura’s girlfriend, Iori’s coworker and Yuki Takamiya’s little sister. The absolute life of the party and a joy to be around. She’s the reason Keitaro Miura is still alive. Knows Ei more through the kickboxing gym and hasn’t really made the connection that Keitaro’s newest patient is Ei’s sickly sister that he keeps mentioning. She and Miura have been dating for almost six years now and she’s really starting to wonder if they are ready to spend their lives together.

Tomi Kisaragi: The elementary music teacher at the same school as Natsuno and Iori and a voice teacher outside of those work hours. The sounding board for a lot of relationship issues despite the fact that she’s not that helpful. She and Tsukasa Okino are old friends from high school. She’s the one who convinced him to help Megumi get a job at Shikishima as an engineer. May or may not have a history with Tetsuya Ida. She doesn’t like to talk about it.

Nenji Ogata: Tomi’s Not-boyfriend and a supervisor at Shikishima’s sales branch is often used as a liaison with the R&D department. Since he was desperate to make a name for himself outside of his family name, Nenji has an...interesting past. After falling on some hard times, his father, a former executive of Shikishima, gave him a job. Needless to say, his department doesn’t like him and he takes on a lot of extra work and stresses himself out. A frequent visitor to the kickboxing gym so he knows Takamiya, Minami, Hijiyama and Sekigahara pretty well. 

Juro Kurabe: Once known as Juro Izumi. An old friend of Ei Sekigahara who suffered a TBI in the field and is basically a different person. Underwent cognitive therapy alongside several other patients including Ryoko Shinonome. He and Ryoko are close friends and he’s just devastated about her diagnosis. Another person who will assassinate Tetsuya Ida on sight. Works with Yuki Takamiya quite a bit but is having a lot of trouble with mobility. 

Megumi Yakushiji: She really looks perfect on the outside. She’s great at her job, a great cook and a near perfect caretaker to her husband Juro. However, appearances can be deceiving. The man she married and the man she’s taking care of are two different people. But her love for Juro might not be enough to get her through their hardest day, sometimes he doesn’t even remember her. There’s only one person who sees the cracks in her facade, not her best friend Tomi or her coworker Tsukasa but Tsukasa’s husband Takatoshi who keeps asking her for recipes. 

Renya Gouto: An Undertaker at Ashitaba City’s Death Services and Mortuary. He knew Ei and Ryoko in high school but now is making arrangements for Ryoko’s cremation and general funeral services. Out of everything he’s done, he’s never spoken to someone who wants to arrange their own funeral and is the only other person who knows that Ryoko is arranging her own funeral without Ei knowing. He’s a close friend of Dr. Morimura therefore he’s familiar with Iori and Tsukasa. That’s not a good thing.

Chihiro Morimura: Dr. Chihiro Morimura is a retired oncologist who is trying to repair her relationship with her kids Iori and Tsukasa. Unfortunately, she sucks at it. While she can help Iori with her situation with Ei and his sister, she and Tsukasa will probably never get along. Who would have thought that years of narcissistic abuse would affect their relationship?

Tetsuya Ida: Ryoko’s ex-fiancee. Broke up with Ryoko after she was diagnosed with brain cancer. Has no idea about her severe condition but wouldn’t be surprised. He still works at Shikishima but not in the engineering department. Refuses to talk about her and is quite aware that several people are out for his head. He doesn’t care.

Miwako Sawatari: A kindergarten teacher who’s a bit of a gossip but really does it out of love. She knows a little bit about everyone. She works at Iori and Natsuno’s school, is a close friend of Nenji, she’s one of Yuki’s patients, and volunteers at Ashitaba Death Services. What I’m saying is, she’s the only person who knows exactly what’s happening.

[gagmebucky]

thank you to taylor @blessedbucky​, mia @theamericanfalcon, liz @marvelous-mr-stark, raechel, shayla, lauren, courtney, em and tina for allowing me to write this content as well as my beta reader kat @angel-fire​! love you all!

read the full synopsis and excerpt // read chapters snippets here.

o. in which you accidentally send your nudes to your brothers’ best friend. (includes reader’s pov, bucky’s pov, mentions of sexting.)

—

Initially, taking the photos—exposing yourself in such an intimate state to another—you were hesitant. It wasn’t the possible repercussions, i.e. revenge porn, that gave you pause but more-so an insecurity in your own body. Having never done something like this before, you briefly dithered between whether you should or not. 

Ultimately, however, you do. The guy had spent money on you, went through the trouble of finding something you’d like and shipped it discreetly. And when you slip the racy number on, your insecurities wash away and leave excitement in its wake. Everything about it you love, and it has you preening in a solo photo shoot you’re eager to show off. 

After a good time of selfie shutters bulking your phone’s storage—positions of you scantily-clad standing, sitting, a cross of both—you finally relent. There’s too many pictures to pick from, but you do. Three poses that optimize the best aspects of the outfit and that you think he’ll like the best have you buzzing in anticipation of his reaction. 

Giddy, you tap them directly on the album app and click the share button; you input the letter B in the ‘To:’ slot. Since there’s only two contact names under that letter, his name shows up immediately, the first with the nickname Bucky beneath it. You gloss over that and in quick succession, you quickly hit the contact and press send. 

For a split second, you’re proud: you’ve taken this e-relationship to the next level like he wanted, and he’ll be happy with you. Then it hits you like a brick through glass. A replay of your actions travel to your brain, and you belatedly realize what your eyes saw—your thumb smearing too low on the screen, so instead of Brock as the recipient, it’s Bucky. 

“No, no, no!” you whisper as your heart hurtles like a jackhammer stuck in your rib cage. 

A part of you insists it’s your paranoia playing tricks on you, and that’s a valid rationale because this whole thing does worry you about getting caught. Except, upon checking its legitimacy, you confirm what you accidentally did. There’s no mistaking it, now, because with your brightness turned up full, your partially nude figure stares you in the face underneath of a thread between you and your brothers’ best friend. 

James Bucky Barnes—the man who’s nicknamed you bambi because the numerous times he’s seen you face-plant over your own footing, the twenty-four year old who still ruffles your hair when he greets you, the soon-to-be business owner who dates certified models—has a trio of your attempts to be seductive; bottom lined with text you hope comes off likewise seductive.

Mortification swallows you. Your skin burns hotter and hotter by the second. Sure, you’ve embarrassed yourself before: you fall a lot, and you’re awkward conversationalist. But never something of this magnitude, not something that makes you seem so desperate and pathetic. 

You can imagine him opening the messages. He’d immediately assume, understandably, it’s a come-on; a girl trying to be a woman’s failed goal to enthrall a man like him, his best friend’s kid sister’s pitiful effort to be anything other than just that. As if you could ever measure up to the types of women he dates. 

And, yes, there’s been a time where you had a crush on him. But it’s not your fault when he looks like how he does, a rugged example of masculine sex appeal, and treating you the way he does, teasing but with a twist of kindness, and the fact that he’s the only non-blood related man allowed near you. 

But that time has passed. Even then, you knew the one-sided attraction was delusional to have. You were—still are—so sure about it that you never even dared to fantasize about him and the rumors that used to trek behind him about his sexual escapades. There’s no hidden desire to be with him, and that worsens it because it’s not like you’d feel any relief in knowing his reaction. You don’t care about his reaction in the first place!

Now, no matter how much you will insist it’s an accident, there will always be a dubiousness about it. With how close your families are, things are going to be tense. Because there’s no forgetting he’s viewed you like that, and there’s photo evidence of it. 

It hits you then. The extremity of your fuckup douses you in ice, and your muscles freeze because you register that since he knows about your family borderline patriarchal values concerning you, he has to tell them you’re taking nudes, and it will be over for you. 

It has taken you twenty years of your life to finally venture outside what your family has allowed, to sate your curiosity of what exactly your fathers and older siblings have kept so strictly from you: sex and all the goodness it entails. 

It has taken you an additional six months to explore in-depth and build the courage to start something tangible, to wander the depraved side of the internet where strangers did things to each other that made you want to do things with someone of your own: stirring foreign but oh-so amazing feelings in your nether regions. 

For twenty-six weeks you carefully treaded across in order to ensure your family had no clue what you’re doing, clearing your web history and using incognito mode, all your accounts anonymous, keeping your notifications on silent in case anyone becomes suspicious of who’s continuously contacting you. 

One hundred and eighty-two days later—in the middle of which you started your sex-based communication—of preparing to lose your virginity, your family will find out what you’ve been up to, and your life will be hell. 

Everything has been going so perfectly. You found a guy enough distance away he isn't affected by your family’s influence, middle-aged so he’s experience and doesn’t mind handling a virgin, and is willing to drive an hour to meet you at a specified hotel when the time comes.  

All that hard work down the drain. 

You toss your phone and jump to your feet. Panicked, your bare feet pad back and forth on your rug-covered wood floors. Your teeth gnaw at your thumbnail as different scenarios of how everything will transpire flit through your head. Each one is more terrible than the last, and your anxiety heightens. 

Somewhere in your disquietude, it occurs to you. Your brothers are downstairs and so is Bucky, but it’s ten o’clock at night, and that means they’re gaming. That particular activity coined a rule that all players have to stow their phones in the guest room. The specifics are blurry but it was something about Bucky interrupting the session due to excessive texts. 

It’s an opportunity. A chance that you can creep downstairs, swipe his phone and delete your mistake—hell, you’ll break his phone if you need to—before he’s any the wiser. 

“And—” Bucky Barnes drawls out the vowel as the rough-textured ball hurls through the air and swishes sharply into the hoop. “—nothin’ but net.” He relaxes from the perfected basketball follow-through stance, hands dropping to his sides, while he regards his old friend with a cocky smile. “Beat that, Rogers.” 

Steve snorts and catches the ball when it bounces onto the concrete. Palming it in one hand, he dribbles it twice and trades positions so instead of being stationed next to the hoop, he’s descended to the driveway curb where the established three-pointer line is. 

“You still got it, Barnes,” the blond admits, loosening his shoulders and spreading his footing to be a width apart. His right hand balances the ball from below, elbow tucked underneath, while the left splays against the side as his knees bend, and he springs up. With a practiced flick of his wrist, he releases the orange sphere at the top of his jump. It catapults in a flawless arc and drops through criss-crossed netting with a similar swish. His lips curve with satisfaction as he adds, “But, so do I.”

Bucky laughs and seizes the ball as it falls free. “Callum and Henry have no idea they’re going to get obliterated,” he says, coming to slap his palm in an affable embrace. “Fair warning, they’re still as sore losers as they were five years ago so be prepared for that.” 

Steve Rogers chuckles. The former fourth to their high school cliquè, he’s aware of just how bad sports they are. 

After graduation, he left out-of-state to pursue a degree in technological engineering, which he acquired last month in May, prompting his return back to New York. Between the four of them, Bucky and Steve are the level headed ones so he’s glad to have the support to handle the wild children his childhood best friends are. 

“Speaking of,” Steve starts, dirty blond eyebrows knitting as he glances around the neighborhood’s cul-de-sac. “Where are they? I thought Henry was supposed to be waking up Callum? If we aren’t starting yet, then can I get my phone back?” 

Bucky clicks his teeth. “Yeah. They’re probably stuffing their faces right now. Their sister went grocery shopping and got a cake so. . .” He waves his hand in gesture before continuing in vehement passion on the second point, “The whole phone thing is bullshit, though. I miss a few winning shots ‘cause I was busy with some pretty little thing texting me, and now there’s a ‘no technology rule’.” He scoffs and folds his arms. 

Now that he thinks about it, he could totally have his phone right now. And he’s more interested in having it than usual. There’s this girl he’s been seeing frequently at local parties—six feet tall with gorgeous brown skin, always done up in intricate eye makeup, silver tongued (he’s very interested in her tongue) when she speaks—and he’s finally gotten her number. She could be texting him, and he doesn’t even know it! 

“You know, yeah, we should get our phones back if those assholes want to take all day,” Bucky decides, agreeing with steps toward the closed storm door, but opened front door until he hears the inquiry:

“How is Y/N, anyway?” Steve’s voice is genuinely and harmlessly curious behind him, and he stops in his tracks because Bucky remembers the poorly hid crush he harbored for you. “I saw her instagram the other day, and she must be quite the heartbreaker.” 

Spinning around to face him, Bucky lifts a brow. “Huh?” Then he processes the implication that you’re out dating and such. The mere prospect has him surprising laughter. 

With their dad and his girlfriend on a tour of the world, the three of them are the only ones in the household. Given you’re the baby of your siblings, despite being an independent twenty-year-old, your older brothers have taken it upon themselves to ensure you focus solely on school work. Callum and Henry know exactly how to threaten their message across that you are not to be bothered, and anyone who tries will end up battered and bruised. 

He shakes his head. “Nah. She’s not with anyone, hasn’t been ever,” he tells him. “If you thought Callum and Henry were overprotective back then, you should see them now.” 

Gunmetal blue eyes blink surprised at him, and there’s a faint battle between delight and disappointment. “Really?” He shoves his hands in his sweats and falters somewhat. “It’s gotta be hard considering the way she has grown up,” he says but Bucky’s face scrunches in confusion. “You can’t tell me you don’t see how cute she is.” Before he can respond, Steve adds, “Obviously I wouldn’t ever see or be with her in that way—I wouldn’t betray Callum or Henry like that—but objectively, you can admit she’s gorgeous, right?” 

Bucky has to take a moment and genuinely consider it—consider you—because he hasn’t before. (Other than noticing the genetic similarities to Callum, who shares your eye and hair color but is a shade lighter than you, and Henry, who shares your complexion and eye color, but his hair is darker than yours.)

There’s no denying your looks are better than most: the structure of your face works beautifully, dazzling eyes framed by your lashes and occasionally accentuated by mascara, lips usually adorned in gloss or anything that keeps them hydrated which could be described as alluring, and your hair is almost always done, sometimes switched up in style. But there’s an inherent innocence there, a sweet and clumsy awkwardness, and maybe because he’s watched you grow up, four years your senior, but it just doesn’t do it for him. 

You’re his best friends’ baby sister, for God’s sake. He’d never at you like that in the first place. Especially not when he’s been aware, in the past, you harbored a schoolgirl crush on him. It was painfully obvious, to your chagrin, but he found it adorable—flattering but unsurprising considering girls flock to him like seagulls to boardwalk french fries. 

Currently, he’s sure you know he won’t ever pick you—under principle, under the lack of attraction. Other than pleasant smiles and occasional small talk mixed with teasing, you don’t gaze at him with starry eyes anymore, at least it’s waned significantly as you matured. 

Back to the question: “Uh, no, not really. Even if Callum and Henry didn’t care, I don’t think I’d be attracted to her,” he answers truthfully. Your purity doesn’t provoke his sexual attraction although it does invoke a duty of protectiveness. “She just isn’t my type.” 

Steve arches a brow, a surprised playfulness in his expression. “Oh? Then what is your type, then?” he asks, nudging him with his elbow. ‘Cause from what I remember you’re up for anyone and everyone.”

“That makes me sound like a whore,” he feigns offense but digresses into a fit of chuckles as he thinks back to all his various sex-capades and Steve flashes him a look that says aren’t you? “Yeah.” He nods with a prideful chortle. “But I’m into more frisky girls, y’know? Ones who’ve been everywhere and done everything. They’re brass and loud and just do whatever the fuck they want. I like to be one of those things.” 

Behind him, his best friend, Callum’s orotund voice rings out between the pressurized shh of the storm door, “Buck’s into slutty girls, Steve.”

He cringes at the diction. “Don’t call ‘em slutty. Sounds degrading when you guys say it like that.” Most of the time, he agrees with him—and his brother—but when it comes to women, there’s usually a dissent and a need for correction. “But yeah. I prefer girls with experience,” he declares strongly. “They don’t get attached like girls with... less experience do.”

Callum rolls his eyes, bounding down the porch stairs to the recently pressure-washed driveway, and he plucks the basketball out of his hands. “Here we go again. Bucky and his ‘I hate virgin’s’ campaign,” he mocks, shaking his head. “Doesn’t make any sense to me ‘cause everyone knows virgins are the tightest.”

This time, Bucky is the one to roll his eyes. “Well, that doesn’t make any sense considering tightness isn’t dependent upon whether it’s their first time ‘cause, y’know, vaginas stretch, you morons.” Sometimes he has no clue how Callum passed sex education (then he remembers that he bribed the health teacher). “Meaning a girl can have sex, then after a period of time, her virgin ‘tightness’ eventually returns. The only reason virgins may seem tighter is because they’re usually nervous.” 

The look on Callum’s face says that what he just said went right over his head. “Whatever.” He shrugs and starts dribbling the ball half-heartedly. “I just know the woman I end up with better be a virgin.” 

“Right!” Henry’s likewise orotund voice, a pitch higher, speaks after he pushes through the glass door. He presses to the court-slash-driveway, wiping icing off his mouth. “That’s marriage material. I’m not fucking around in a relationship with no woman that’s been fucked already, y’know?” 

Bucky’s eye twitches, jaw locking for a millisecond. “But you guys aren’t even virgins yourself,” he points out their hypocrisy. When they look at him to rebuttal, he automatically knows it’s going to run his blood pressure up and it’s not worth it. “You know, I’m gonna go to the bathroom. You guys have fun with your conversation.” 

Swiftly, he whirls around and heads for inside. The last thing he hears is Steve’s ambivalent, “I get the appeal of virgins. But you know, I don’t think it really matters. I think it just matters if you’re into them, and if they’re into you. I wouldn’t care either way but. . .” 

The air conditioned air greets him coldly, and he revels in it. The June sun is killer, though perfect weather for playing a game outside, and the chill dries the sweat beaded on his forehead. He pads down the foyer, turns the corner to the bathroom and enters to take a much needed leak. 

Bucky has so much brotherly love for your brothers: neighbors since being in diapers, his mother the female figure in their life, and becoming and remaining best friends for over twenty years. There’s only one thing that grates his nerves when it comes to them and that’s their view of women is somewhat skewed. Sometimes—most of the time—went the topic comes up, he’s always one second away from throttling them. 

Hopefully after he pisses, they’ll be talking about something else, and finally they all can play basketball. It. 

Flushing the toilet, he goes onto wash his hands. He lathers up in orange antibacterial soap and rinses the suds off with hot water. There isn’t a towel, at least not a clean one, so instead he just lets the remaining droplets drip onto the floor. 

Emerging from the bathroom, James pauses and absentmindedly wipes his hands dry on his mesh-polyester shorts. His attention automatically draws to the guest room’s closed door adjacent to his position. A decision strikes him, and he steps forward and casts a curious glance down the corner. 

When boisterous and distracted laughter filters through the front door and down the empty corridor, it springs him into action. He figures there’s no harm in checking his phone while he’s here. He’d been especially resistant to giving it away because he’s engaged in a particularly stimulating conversation with a particularly titillating woman—popular in her own right, he can’t afford to miss his shot with her. 

His fingers turn the knob, and he shoulders through. The furniture is decorated and accented in yellow and white, condition otherwise pristine, save for the phones littered across the king-sized poster bed’s fluffy duvet. He strides across gleaming light oak floors and hones in on the only golden-colored, rubbed encased titanium. 

As he grips it, long digits curling around the back, pinkie supporting the bottom, thumb tapping the screen to life, he can hear the dwindling of high-spirited jesting through the en-suite’s rectangular horizontal slider window; a wondering of where he’s gone has him speeding up. 

Although he’d been gone for under an hour, his screen is bright with various notifications, social media accounts and text messages. He ignores the former and searches for the latter, specifically the contact, Val 😛💦. Scrolling quickly, he comes to a stop but not because of his original intent. 

His head cocks, and he knits his brows when he sees your name instead; formally nicknamed, bambi, due to your penchant for clumsiness and general fragility. You don’t text him—except for that one time you needed to be picked up from the library—and considering you know he’s just outside, his baffled curiosity is further spurred. 

With a sideways swipe of his thumb, your thread enlarges on the high-definition display. He isn’t sure what he expected, but this? Oh, this, definitely is not it. His eyes widen as the content loads, and reveals you, in all your half-naked glory. 

“Shit,” he breathes out raggedly, blinking multiple times because he has to be seeing things. But, nope, it’s still you—looking like that, wearing that. “Oh, fuck, fuck, fuck.” 

Your brothers are beginning to call his name, demanding his attendance, and he froze in shock, unable to tear his stare away from the girl who’s tripped over her own feet more times than he can count; the wallflower who spends all her time studying in her room; the forbidden fruit who’s innocent has always stirred a vigilant feeling inside him—now stirring something hard between his thighs because there you are. 

Like always, your hair is done prettily, wispy-lashed eyes big and inviting, a saucy pout to your glossed lips. Your flawless complexion seems to glow in the reflection of the mirror, and he doesn’t know if it’s because of the warm lighting, or if it’s the confidence you exude in your faux-innocent expression from where something so sinfully sexy. 

Three photos, and every single one is like a punch in the gut; displaying your usually hoodie-hidden figure in its bare, exquisite form. The skimpy white two-piece caresses your breasts in a lace halter top, leaving a teasing amount of cleavage. Your navel exposed, he becomes aware of how soft your skin would be. Moving lower, your untouched flower is wrapped in a thin thong with a bow on the center of the waistband. 

A million things flit through his head; a million disgusting things he never thought he’d think about you. 

The main one is every sort of attraction these snapshots arouse. A laser slices down his center and sears him to the core. The multiple poses calls every hungry part of him to attention, the curve of your breasts, the contours of your hips and the jut of your ass. And he shoves to the darkest recess in his mind because that’s just an innate reaction to lingerie. (Right? Right.)

He combats your images with that of Val: knows-what-she’s-doing and equally promiscuous as him Val. The anthropology major who downs beers within seconds and tongue kisses the first person she sees afterwards. 

The next is the one he focuses on, that you would take these and send them to him—as if he’d betray your brothers like that. Second-hand embarrassment strikes him because he knows if you’ll send something as risky as this, he’ll have to formally reject you and break your unreciprocated pining heart. 

He grimaces at the thought. This is why he doesn’t do virgins and the less experienced in general. The inherent strings are a killer, and he resents the drama; and it’d be ten times worse with you because of the added complications of your siblings. 

In fact, he hears something beyond him, coming down the hallway, and it’s probably them, but he can’t stop rereading your text accompanying the photos, partially imagining how it’d sound in your delicate voice: 

bambi (4:21PM): is this as pretty as you imagined? did i do good? just tell me what you want, and ill do it. i want you. soon, please - and yes, ill beg. i promise itll sound even better in person. 

[read it in its entirety on my patreon - one time fee of $5 to access!]

[ladylillianrose]

Damn right you should be embarrassed Selin! Walking out that door was the smartest thing you've done!

Thank god she finally knows the truth!

As much as it hurts him that she's in pain and furious with him, she's right.

He knew telling her the truth would lead to something like this. 😢😢

Go Eda, go after the man responsible for this mess!

*side note* Damn that is a 🔥🔥🥵🥵 jacket (I have a weakness for men in jackets) and the jeans 🥵🥵🥵🔥🔥🔥 Don't get me wrong I love the suits, but mmmm there is just something about a well fitting pair of jeans!

Damn straight he isn't responsible for his father's actions! Make him see that Aydan!

Ugh it hurts Serkan so much to see her in this much pain 😢😢😢

He doesn't deserve forgiveness Eda, don't try and ease Alptekin's guilt.

Ugh the thunder and rain as both their hearts break, perfection!

Yes girl time is exactly what Eda needs, she needs the support and love from them.❤❤

Lmao at Fifi being Ayfer's favorite and Melo being offended🤣🤣

Aydan speaking the truth, and being supportive of both Serkan and Eda 😭😭🥰🥰

Serkan is not pulling his punches with Alptekin and I am 100% here for it!

Yaaaas Serkan finally laying into Selin too!! OMG I literally gasped when he told her they are not friends! *standing ovation* It took him long enough but he finally said what needed to be said all along to her!

Of course Seyfi is on Eda's side, he's always been.

I love that despite all their issues Aydan and Ayder are friends, they're hilarious together and they're good for each other.

Melo still wanting Eda and Serkan together and believing in true love🥰🥰😭😭

The fact that Alptekin just gives up so easily and walks out the door proves he is not worthy of Aydan or Serkan!🤬🤬🤬🤬

The fact that Serkan sleeps on the opposite side, because Eda sleeps on the right side. 😭😭😭

Poor Serkan, a week long inside being depressed 😭😭😭

Random Selin haircare commercial 🤣🤣🤣🤣

Bless Leila's heart she's so loyal to Serkan, I love her!!!

WTF Selin? You don't want him to be happy while you're unhappy? Was he not fucking clear enough? He doesn't want you, he has never wanted you, and your behavior has made it impossible to even be friends.🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬 You've now officially entered psycho ex territory.

Even Piril is wary of what you are saying!

If it didnt work with you it shouldn't work with Eda? Narcissistic bitch!Serkan and Eda are going to need file some restraining orders!

Seyfi and Aydan are all of us fans 🤣🤣🤣

Lmao Piril and Engin need some popcorn if they're going to watch the Eda/Serkan meeting.

Ugh the way he looks at her🥺🥺🥺🥺

The fact that he signs it without reading it because he trusts and loves her so!😭😭😭😭

Making him take off the ring that he hasn't taken off since the engagement😭😭😭😭😭 Very cruel Eda.

She's going to trust and like you even less Efe since you're setting her up for a meeting with her grandmother....🤬🤬🤬

I love Leila and Serkan's relationship!🥰🥰

Don't get any ideas Selin, they are only temporarily off their fingers!

Are you fucking kidding me Selin? Way to burn all your bridges and show your true colors🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬

Lmao at Engin and Piril's reaction to Serkan signing Eda's contract without reading it!🤣🤣🤣🤣

Those rings are going to constantly be in his pocket🥺🥺🥺😭😭😭

Oh Serkan, don't worry your mom will do everything short of locking you two in a closet (because of Eda's claustrophobia) to make sure you end up together!

I'm curious as to what Eda's punishments for Serkan are😉😉😉😈😈😈

Damn Ferit's aunt just won some points for that take down of Selin

Seyfi and Melo spilling the tea! Give us more of them together!!😍😍😍

Serkan sweetie you are too obvious with your ploys!🤣🤣

Lmao Leila trying to be sneaky by putting the paperclip on the wrong side as a way to signal and talk to Serkan 🤣🤣🤣 007 she is not, but I love her!

"The whole situation is here now"🤣🤣🤣🤣 Their whole interaction is gold!

Lmao Engin no one ever wants Erdem 🤣🤣

I don't know how much more of Selin I can take!🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬

Omg Serkan slipping her ring into her pocket 🥺🥺🥺🥺😍😍😍😍

The look on his face when he asks what happens if he intentionally violates the contract🥵🥵🥵🥵🔥🔥🔥🔥 That smirk *swoons*, he's already thinking of the best ways to tease her!

And Eda can tell because of that slight hitch in her breath

I knew he'd have to apologize to Erdem 🤣🤣🤣

Eda looking like she just got the world's best gift!🤣🤣🤣

Serkan's face, throughout this whole scene 🤣🤣🤣🤣 I almost woke my husband up laughing. I'm crying! His hand during the hug 🤣🤣🤣🤣

I love Eda's idea for the school desks ❤❤❤

And as always Serkan is in awe and impressed by Eda🥺🥺🥺🥺

Not so unaffected by him are you Eda?

Melo working for Engin🥰🥰🥰🥰 Yes let's get all of the pro EdSer people together!!

Selin deserves to be miserable🤬🤬🤬🤬

Whenever he scoops her up *swoon*🔥🔥🔥

Serkan always wants to take her to the doctor because he cares so much, and even Eda knows.

"You were always there for me. This time I'll be there for you."😭😭😭🥺th🥺🥺

I'm so glad Ayfer has Fifi to help her with the business stuff.

Ferit you messed up, not as bad as Selin but still pretty bad.

Eda needed to have that moment and I'm glad she did, hopefully it helps her heal.

Serkan desperately wanting to hold her while she cries, and Eda wanting him to hold her.

Oh Ayfer you don't know how much worse these women are than Aydan.

Oh Ferit, you are helping for the right reason, but also hoping that Ceren will hear about it.

Um Selin your job is literally to do PR, which is all about image!!

Lmao Leila saying she would definitely leave Erdem if he got fired and had no money.🤣🤣🤣

Fifi watching the video of Eda and Serkan and even she can't deny how much he loves her.

Eda finding the ring and smiling❤❤❤

Seyfi assuring Aydan that she has him at least🥰🥰

No Selin you won't do anything, big difference!

Ayfer is so happy to be cooking, doing something she loves!🥰🥰

Yaaass Sirius is there to see his Mama!!!

Ugh he just loves and cares about her so much😭😭😭😭

Go meet them in the park Eda! Do not let your 4 legged son down!!

Oh Efe you are going to be the next to face Eda's wrath!

Serkan always giving Eda rides, because he wants to make sure she is safe.

Fuck you Alptekin, as if we needed more reasons to hate you.🤬🤬🤬

Lmao Fifi and Ferit's interaction.

"There is nothing that I would not do for you,"😭😭😭😭😍😍😍😍🥺🥺🥺

Serkan is not sorry to see you go Efe and neither am I!

Serkan watching and being so proud of Eda during her speech, and giving him hope🥺🥺🥺

That look in the mirror🥰🥰🥰

The passing of the ring 🤣, this will continue until it's back on her finger, where it belongs!

At least Ferit knows he messed up.

Melo refusing to give in to Ayfer's hypnotism 🤣🤣🤣

You know Melo is right Ceren! Ferit messed up, and much like Serkan he is trying to make up for his mistakes!

Oh Eda don't write it now, Ayfer will show up and make a scene!!

You know he is right Eda! You shouldn't be so rithless.

So many Pride and Prejudice parallels with Serkan and Ferit doing it only for the women they love.

Aydan knowing Serkan can't say no to Eda🤣🤣🤣

Uh Eda you need to come up with the $$$ and fast!!🤣🤣

Seyfi you've been working for Aydan for so long that you still question her schemes?

Yaaas Serkan with the grand scheme!! You know you need to go to dinner with him!!

At least we know where Serkan gets his subtlety from 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Tell me Serkan is going to also buy this dress because it is only worthy of Eda!!

You will stumble and fall if Serkan looks you in the eyes?😍😍😍😍

Of course he'll be there to catch you, he always does😭😭😭😭😭

The fact that Piril thinks Selin is being ridiculous says something.

You don't think you deserve Eda's scorn Selin? Are you really that stupid?🙄🙄🤬🤬

Damn Fifi and Melo🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥

Engine's face when he sees Piril😍😍😍😍😍

Oooooo Ferit you know you're gone!

Serkan can't breathe watching Eda🔥🔥🔥😍😍😍😍😍

Seriously Selin? I'm so beyond done with this crazy woman!!🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬

Do more stuff like this then Serkan, its good for you and everyone ekse.

Just drive her to the restaurant with you, that will guarantee that she is there with you!

I'm going to murder Selin because you know Eda wants to go!!🤬🤬🤬

Aydan showing no mercy to Alptekin! He deserves every inch of her scorn!🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬

Nooooooo!!!! Of course she goes to the one Selin put in the envelope!!😭😭😭😭🤬🤬🤬🤬

They had better talk to one another about this misunderstanding!!!!

Call him!!! He would never stand you up Eda!!!!😢😢😢😢😢

Ugh my heart hurts for them!! 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

Throw some water on Selin and see if she melts that witch!!

[dreaminginthedeepsouth]

 LETTERS FROM AN AMERICAN

October 6, 2020

Heather Cox Richardson

In the past three years, it has so often felt like things were reaching the breaking point. But the image of Trump on the balcony of the White House last night, defiantly taking off his mask as he gasped for breath, truly looked to me like the beginning of the final chapter.

Today coronavirus infections continued to mount in the vicinity of the White House. At least 34 people near Trump have contracted the virus in the past few days. The press corps near the White House is down to a skeleton crew as the White House press secretary, Kayleigh McEnany, and four press aides have tested positive. So have top aide Stephen Miller and Admiral Charles Ray, the vice commandant of the Coast Guard Admiral.

Along with other military leaders, Ray attended an event celebrating Gold Star families last Sunday at the White House. That event included some of the same people who had been at the event the previous day in honor of Amy Coney Barrett, whom Trump nominated to take the seat of the late Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg on the Supreme Court. Those who attended both events included Trump and the First Lady.

Senior military leaders attended meetings with Ray last week in a secure room at the Pentagon, and now are self-quarantining. They include the Chairman of Joint Chiefs of Staff General Mark Milley; the Vice Chairman; the Army chief of staff; the Naval Operations Chief; the Air Force chief of staff; the CyberCom Commander; the SpaceForce operations chief; the director of the U.S. National Security Agency, Gen. Paul Nakasone; the Chief of the National Guard, Gen. Daniel Hokanson; and the deputy commandant of the Marine Corps, Gen. Gary Thomas.

The White House has apparently not done any contact tracing, and it declined the help of the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention to do it.

The administration appears to be committed to a strategy of community spread, rejecting the use of masks and of distancing. Deputy press secretary Brian Morganstern told NPR’s Mary Louise Kelly that the White House still does not require masks because “everyone needs to take personal responsibility.”

That the White House appears to be the center of a coronavirus hotspot has hurt Trump’s reelection campaign. The infections in the face of the fact that the administration refused to take the virus seriously, the ride around the hospital to wave at supporters while endangering Secret Service agents, the struggle to the balcony in a strongman scene, all appear to have demonstrated not Trump’s strength, but his weakness.

His behavior today has reinforced that sense. Trump left the hospital last night and returned to a locked-down White House. The few aides who met with him were dressed in PPE, while the West Wing is virtually abandoned as people have decamped to work from home. Trump has been on a Twitter spree today, tweeting and retweeting his old material, “the Russia Hoax” and Hillary Clinton’s emails, which now feel like ancient history, disconnected from today’s pressing crisis. Tonight, he tweeted: “I have fully authorized the total Declassification of any & all documents pertaining to the single greatest political CRIME in American History, the Russia Hoax. Likewise, the Hillary Clinton Email Scandal. No redactions!” He hit the same points again in another tweet: “All Russia Hoax Scandal information was Declassified by me long ago. Unfortunately for our Country, people have acted very slowly, especially since it is perhaps the biggest political crime in the history of our Country. Act!!!”

He sounds desperate. And on the heels of his tweets, Representative Ted Lieu (D-CA) tweeted to the Justice Department “Per the President’s orders, can you please provide the [House Judiciary] Committee the full unredacted Mueller Report immediately? Thank you.”

Other dropping stories make it look like the tide is running against Trump.

Patricia and Mark McCloskey, the St. Louis, Missouri, couple who held guns on protesters in June, were indicted today by a grand jury on charges of exhibiting guns and tampering with evidence. Trump invited the McCloskeys to speak at the Republican National Convention. “What you are witnessing here is just an opportunity for the government, the leftist, democrat government of the City of St. Louis to persecute us for doing no more than exercising our Second Amendment rights,” McCloskey said.

Two weeks ago, the administration blocked strict guidelines for a coronavirus vaccine, but today the Food and Drug Administration (FDA) released those guidelines over White House objections. This will make a vaccine before the election unlikely. Trump tweeted “New F.D.A. Rules make it more difficult for them to speed up vaccines for approval before Election Day. Just another political hit job!”

Today, the New York Times revealed the findings of an internal investigation by the Justice Department’s inspector general Michael Horowitz into the policy of separating children from their parents at our southern border. The policy was engineered by Stephen Miller, but the Justice Department has tended to blame then-Department of Homeland Security Kirstjen Nielsen for the policy. Horowitz’s investigation has established that then-Attorney General Jeff Sessions and his deputy Attorney General Rod Rosenstein were far keener on the policy than she was. In a sign of changing times, a 32-page response to the Horowitz’s investigation, written by Miller’s ally Gene Hamilton, said that Justice Department officials had simply followed orders from the president.

Facebook, too, sees the writing on the wall, and has announced that it will ban all QAnon conspiracy theory accounts. These accounts spread disinformation, including the idea that a heroic Trump is secretly leading an effort to round up a ring of pedophiles and cannibals based in the nation’s entertainment and political elites. The ban is one of the broadest Facebook has ever enacted.

Today, Federal Reserve Chair Jerome Powell said that a new coronavirus relief bill is imperative, but just hours later, Trump announced on Twitter that he was cancelling further talks between the White House and House Speaker Nancy Pelosi. Stocks dropped 600 points, and vulnerable Republican senators panicked. Biden released a statement including a pithy condemnation: “Make no mistake: if you are out of work, if your business is closed, if your child’s school is shut down, if you are seeing layoffs in your community, Donald Trump decided today that none of that — none of it — matters to him. There will be no help from Washington for the foreseeable future. Instead, he wants the Senate to use its time to confirm his Supreme Court Justice nominee before the election, in a mad dash to make sure that the Court takes away your health care coverage as quickly as possible.” A few hours later, Trump changed his tune.

Today both the New York Times and the Boston Globe endorsed Biden, and General Michael Hayden, the retired four-star general who served as the Director of the CIA under President George W. Bush, released a video not just endorsing Biden, but also warning that "If there is another term for Trump, I don't know what happens to America." “Biden is a good man,” Hayden says. “Trump is not.”

Financial services company Goldman Sachs today forecast that the Democrats will take both the White House and the Senate, and said a Democratic sweep would mean a faster recovery and thus would be good for the economy. Moody’s Analytics, a subsidiary of another financial services company, recently found that Biden’s plans would add 7.4 million more jobs to the economy than Trump’s would.

Today in Gettysburg, Pennsylvania, a town hallowed by history, Biden gave a blockbuster speech calling for the nation to put aside division and come together. He talked about race: “Think about what it takes for a Black person to love America. That is a deep love for this country that for far too long we have never fully recognized.” He talked about disparities of wealth: “Working people and their kids deserve an opportunity.”

And he talked about Lincoln, and how, at Gettysburg, he called for Americans to dedicate themselves to a “new birth of freedom” so that the men who had died for that cause “shall not have died in vain.”

“Today we are engaged once again in a battle for the soul of the nation,” Biden said. “After all that America has accomplished, after all the years we have stood as a beacon of light to the world, it cannot be that here and now, in 2020, we will allow government of the people, by the people, and for the people to perish from this earth.

“You and I are part of a great covenant, a common story of divisions overcome and of hope renewed," he said. "If we do our part, if we stand together, if we keep faith with the past and with each other, then the divisions of our time can give way to the dreams of a brighter, better, future.”

—-

LETTERS FROM AN AMERICAN

Heather Cox Richardson

[thebestpersonherelovesbucky]

People are Alike All Over Part 3

For @whumptober2020

No 18. PANIC! AT THE DISCO Panic Attacks | Phobias | Paranoia

Summary: Nightmares, therapy, aftermath.

Read on Ao3

Bucky hears a noise.

He knows that noise.

The key pitched beeping of the keypad lock of his cage. 

Bucky smells something. 

He knows that smell.

The feed that they force him to eat, shoved into his mouth by the rough, uncaring hands of his handler.

Bucky feels something heavy around his neck.

He knows that feeling.

The collar they locked around his neck.

Bucky’s too afraid to open his eyes again. He knew it’d been too good to be true. There was no rescue. He’s still here. In this godforsaken alien zoo. Naked and on display for entertainment. He shivers. Trembles. Whimpers. 

Rumlow is here for him. The man who’s in charge of his training, who beats Bucky if he doesn’t obey, who forces him to do tricks for visitors. He’s going to make him eat that disgusting feed. He’ll mock him. 

The bucket lands next to Bucky. Tears slip out of his closed eyes. He wants to plead to a God he’s sure has turned His back on him to take him away from here. Even if that means death. But they won’t let him escape. Not even by taking his own life. 

“Did you really think we would let you escape?” Rumlow asks, lips right against Bucky’s ear. “You are ours. Our pathetic little asset. You will never leave here.” 

Bucky smothers down a sob. He can’t do this anymore; he just can’t. It’s too much. It’s just too much and he needs it to end. 

“Please,” Bucky cries. Stupid. So stupid; he knows that speaking is met with pain, but he can’t help it. “No more. Please, no more.”

“Time to wake up, human.”

“No.” Bucky squeezes his eyes tighter. All this misbehavior is bound to be punished, but he can’t stop himself. “Please. Please. Please.”

“Bucky--”

“No. No, no. No!”

“--come on, wake up.”

Hands land on Bucky’s shoulders and shake. They’re going to hurt him again, he knows it, but he just goes on crying and screaming and begging for them to leave him alone. 

“Oh, God, please, let me go! Please!”

“Bucky, baby, come on, open your eyes!” 

Someone’s using his name. Bucky doesn’t understand; they don’t use his name. They don’t even acknowledge the fact that he’s a sentient creature. A person with emotions and complex thought and an identity. They took that from him. All of it. Bit by bit. 

“Shit, c’mon, baby.” There’s a hand at his cheek. Soft. Tender. Cupping it in strength but safety. “Bucky, sweetheart, you have to wake up. Please. Open your eyes for me.” 

It takes hearing his name for a second time for Bucky to realize that he’s not actually saying anything. All he’s doing is screaming at the top of his lungs while someone cups the back of his head and shakes him. 

The screaming doesn’t stop, but Bucky does start to pry open his eyes. They’re wet and blurry with tears. What he can make out of the ceiling…it’s not the ceiling of his cage. Not that cold, hard stone. Overhead is plaster. Painted blue. Sky blue with big fluffy clouds. Bucky has a perfect view of it since his head is tilted all the way back. Not just any clouds. They form words. 

You’re Safe, Bucky.

“That’s it, that’s right, baby, look at the ceiling. Read the words. You’re safe, Bucky. You’re in a recovery room in a facility in upstate New York.”

New York. Yes, right. That’s right. Things begin to fall into place, the fog of terror lifting and leaving Bucky’s mind a little clearer. He’s in a soft, comfortable bed, his weight being supported by someone else since his body feels limp and weak. 

“Bucky, can you look at me? Can you say something?” 

His head is coaxed back up and his eyes land on the one holding him. Steve. Steve Rogers is holding him, and somewhere in the back of Bucky’s mind he knows that’s right. Unfortunately, his brain seems to be misfiring and he couldn’t respond. Too many thoughts all at once. 

The room spins around him in dizzying circles. Fire burned through his lungs and he kept gasping for air. He couldn’t breathe. His heart desperately tried to break through his rib and burst from his chest. His cheeks were stained wet with teartracks. Tears continued to drip from his chin. 

“Okay. Okay, Bucky, you’re having a panic attack,” Steve says, gently petting a hand over Bucky’s hair and then reaching to the side for something. An oxygen mask. “This will help you breathe; it’s gonna fit over your mouth and nose, and I’ll hold it in place for you. Okay? Blink once if you understand me.”

A panic attack. 

Has he ever had a panic attack before?  He can’t recall. It then dawns on Bucky that Steve’s asked him to do something. If Bucky doesn’t listen and obey in a timely manner, he’ll be punished. Or, wait, no, maybe it’s not Steve who punishes him. It’s Rumlow. 

Rumlow isn’t here. Steve is. And Steve is holding Bucky and trying to comfort him and offering him oxygen to help him breathe. Steve won’t hurt him. Bucky shuts his eyes tight to blink once and let Steve know that he understands him. 

“There you go,” Steve murmurs as he slips the oxygen mask of Bucky’s face. “Breathe in deep, honey.” 

Through his nose, Steve instructs and then counts as Bucky’s inhales, tells him to hold his breath for a few seconds before allowing him to release it. As he continues doing that, Steve lifts up his other hand.

“I’m gonna put this hand over your fingers,” he explains. “All I’m gonna do is rub your knuckles. Just concentrate on that feeling, okay? Can you do that?”

Remembering his orders, Bucky knows that proper way to respond to that is the blink for yes. Or, wait. No, not orders. Steve doesn’t give him orders. Steve requests things from him. Asks for permission before touching. Which is why that hand is still up. He’s waiting for Bucky to let him know it’s okay to place it down over Bucky’s. 

Somewhere in the corner of his mind, blocked by the fear that he’s going to do something wrong and be in trouble for it and wake up back in his cage, Bucky knows that it’s also appropriate to nod in answer. Since he can’t quite manage that right now, he blinks again, and Steve slowly lowers his hand. Bucky immediately recognizes the touch. That soft, tender way Steve’s thumb runs over his knuckles. Just as he said. 

“That’s it,” Steve says. “You’re doing so good, Bucky. Just keep breathing, nice and deep. Feel my hand in yours. That’s real. This is real. You’re safe. This will pass.”  

Little by little, bit by bit, Bucky’s breathing starts to slow. His heartbeat gradually evens. The trembling comes to a stop. A few shivers run up his spine and through his limbs. That, he thinks, is from the chill in the air. Steve must notice it too since he pulls the covers around him.

Now that Bucky’s starting to settle, Steve removes the oxygen mask from his face and sets it aside somewhere else. Things are also starting to clear in Bucky’s mind. He remembers everything. Even the things he wishes he’d forget forever.

Bucky remembers going to bed one night and waking up on a metal table. Realizing halfway through that nightmare that he’d been abducted. Not by people. Not by some horrible, evil human--which would be bad enough--but by aliens. Extraterrestrial beings that, up till that horrifying moment, had been nothing but a scary story. The monsters kids told stories about trying to scare each other and Hollywood made movies about and some people claimed to be real.

At that time, Bucky’d been so sure that no one had ever really been abducted. People who claimed to have been were experiencing something that could be explained away rationally. Bucky even laughed at the idea. 

Not so much at the idea of being alone in the world. He’d always imagined there might be other life forms out there. Just not to the extent that he now knows. And certainly not beings that went around collecting life from other planets. 

It'd actually taken Bucky quite some time to really believe that he’d been abducted by aliens. He desperately searched for a more rational reason to explain whatever the fuck had been happening. 

After a while, though…after hearing them talk about him like he had no reasoning skills or complex thought, after being “trained”, after the beatings and experiments and mistreatment, Bucky finally realized there was no other explanation. There was no hope. If his family and friends were looking for him, they’d never find him. 

Turns out, no one had even been looking for him yet. 

That’s because Bucky had been taken to a planet in the Black Eye Galaxy, approximately seventeen million lightyears away from home. Each day on their planet is only about an hour in Earth time. The five and a half months Bucky spent in the zoo was only about a week to everyone else, and as an engineering student, particularly a bookworm like Bucky, he was prone to disappearing for days at a time to study. 

In fact, the first person who even realized there might be something wrong was his classmate and friend, Shuri, who noticed his week-long absence from class. When her visits to his room and calls went unanswered, she tried getting in touch with their other friends. Of course, none of them had heard from or could get in touch with him either.

Before anyone could panic, S.H.I.E.L.D., an international covert government agency, intercepted a message from their intergalactic division about their most recent mission, including the discovery of one human being. 

The director of S.H.I.E.L.D., Nick Fury, quickly devised a cover story. Not one that involved alien abductions. Apparently, the story they threw together in just a few hours, or maybe it’s the one they have on hand, is that Bucky had tuberculosis.  

Both a feasible and workable lie. Gave Bucky some time to start recuperating before even attempting an actual conversation with someone. 

He still isn’t great with that, even these six months later, but he’s getting better. 

“Bucky?”

Eyes flicking from the ceiling to Steve, Bucky tries to focus on him. On Steve Rogers, or, as he’s known to his team, Captain America. Recruited by S.H.I.E.L.D. for his brain, Steve was selected by a brilliant scientist, Dr. Erskine, for an experimental procedure that made him what he is now. 

The serum has enhanced both his body and mind, and Steve joined the Intergalactic Task Force after Dr. Erskine was killed by a Life Model Decoy that infiltrated from unknown origins.

To be honest, Bucky doesn’t really give a shit about any of that. Whatever made Steve the way he is now and whoever the fuck S.H.I.E.L.D. is and whoever the Intergalactic Task Force does…they got Bucky out of that hellhole. 

They’ve also given him a therapist who deals with these kinds of trauma. She’s helping him with his PTSD. There are support groups, too. Other victims of varying types of abductions that come together to talk about their experiences. No one’s ever told a story like Bucky’s. Bucky hasn’t shared his with them either. 

Maybe one day. 

“Tired…” Bucky whispers, and the word, as soft as it is, produces a smile from Steve. Bucky likes it when Steve smiles. He’s very beautiful. He’s always been beautiful. 

“That’s okay,” Steve assures him, opening his arms and allowing Bucky to fall into them. “That took a lot out of you. But you did it. You’re okay.”

Bucky nods at this comfort, finding some contentment and safety in Steve’s soft voice and strong presence. He doesn’t know what they are. If there’s even a word for it. Steve hasn’t gone back into the field since he brought Bucky home. Bucky feels safe with him and he’s promised not to leave as long as Bucky wants him to stay.

“Steve?” Bucky clings to Steve’s shirt. 

“Yes, Bucky?”

“Can they find me?”

They’ve been over this before. Over and over and over. But no matter how many times he’s assured by all different people -- Steve, his therapist, Sam or Carol or Tony when they return from missions -- Bucky’s still not convinced. 

After all, all he did was go to bed and then everything went to hell.

If they found him once, they can find him again.

Right?

“No, Bucky,” Steve says and then grazes the scar on the side of Bucky’s neck with the tip of his finger. “See? We took the tracker out of you. And the two poachers have been arrested and the zoo shut down. They’re being held by the Nova Corps.” 

The intergalactic police task force that S.H.I.E.L.D. works alongside. 

“You’re…you’re sure?”  

“Yes. You’re under our protection. No one would dare touch you again.”

Maybe. 

Maybe not.

Bucky can only hope.

***

“You’re sure you want to do this?” 

That’s got to be at least the hundredth time Steve’s asked. It’s sweet, in a way. How protective he is. But Bucky sighs as he suits up and puts his weapons together. He’s waited three years to get here. His first mission with the task force. 

There’s no turning back now. 

“Yes, Steve.” Bucky shoves a magazine into his gun. “I’ve passed every test.” Physical and psychological. “They’ve cleared me for active duty. I’m doing this.” 

“I know you’re cleared for duty,” Steve says. “I just wanna make sure--”

“I’m sure, babe.” Bucky grabs him by the shirt and tugs him in for a kiss. “You’re not gonna talk me out of it.” 

“I know, I know.” He sighs. “If you need this…I’m with you.” 

Bucky doesn’t know if this will give him the catharsis he’s looking for or if it will even heal him a little more. All he knows for certain is that there are other places out there. Places that have people -- human and alien alike -- in captivity and in horrendous conditions. Bucky refuses to leave them there to suffer. 

And with Steve and the rest of the team by his side, Bucky will do his part in making the universe safer. 

One mission at a time. 

[cherryeol04]

Road to Nowhere

Pairing: JackBam Word Count: 1.6K Summary: On his way to nowhere, BamBam meets an unlikely companion Warnings: Mention of bus crash, injuries and blood

BamBam watched as the trees whizzed by as the bus chugged down the long and seemingly abandoned road, worn and tired from constant use. The further away from the city they got, the less and less amount of cars he had seen on the road. But for BamBam, that was good. He was running. Running away from his family and his future.

It had been a spur of the moment decision, to up and leave. It wasn't like his life was bad or anything. He had a loving mother who had helped to pay his way to Seoul to attend a performing arts school to produce music, something he had wanted to do since he was young. It was a passion instilled in him by his father. It meant his mother worked tirelessly and when he had been old enough, he chipped in and worked as well. Being in Korea was like a dream and studying there was almost surreal. But the beautiful fantasy of it all came crashing down real quick when funds became limited and the struggle to stay abroad became real.

It was a desperate attempt by his mom to find him support, someone to care for him while he was there. An arranged marriage. BamBam had initially agreed because the thought of leaving a country he considered his second home really hurt him. But as the time drew closer when he would finally meet his fiancé (he was hoping for a young man, but he highly doubted it), the anxiety of it all got to him. He took the first bus that could just take him out of the city, and he got on and left.

Where he was going, he had no idea. What he would do when he got there was up in the air. But he just had to go. The countryside seemed like the best place. Logical in his mind. It was quiet on the bus, very few people. In fact, as BamBam took a quick glance around he realized there were about three other people on the bus and the driver. None of them really caught his eye.

Except for the guy near the back. And BamBam had to actually turn and press his back against the wall of the bus in order to get a better look. He couldn't really make out his face much, the snapbacks he was wearing covered most of his features. But there appeared to be a stoic expression on his face. Earbud cords hung loosely in front of him and BamBam was sure he was drowning out the white noise of the bus engine. The other people, a man, and a woman seemed a lot less interesting than this guy. The other two seemed to have a purpose for where they were going.

Both older people, BamBam assumed they were probably heading to visit family or returning from vacation. The other guy, who he was just going to deem Mr. Handsome, seemed just as lost as he was. He wasn't sure what gave him that impression. Maybe it was just the way he seemed to stare aimlessly out the window. Or maybe or was the stop after stop that they passed and he never got off. It was actually a bit comforting to BamBam, knowing he wasn't alone in this. Even if they didn't know each other, it was like they did. Both clueless about their future and where it was taking them.

Mr. Handsome, though pleasing to look at, actually turned his head towards BamBam and for a brief moment, their eyes met before BamBam quickly turned around out of guilt for staring.

The bus pulled to a stop in what seemed like the middle of nowhere. There were no signs. Just a lone bus stop sign that allowed for this stop and BamBam watched as the man and woman stood and departed. Where they were going, he didn't even have an inkling of an idea. But he wished them well in his mind. And just as suddenly as they stopped, the bus started moving again, continuing their trip down the road.

It was just him, Mr. Handsome, and the bus driver now, and for some reason that just seemed to make him uneasy. A part of him wanted to turn and try to start a conversation with him and at least learn his name. But that shy part of him kept him from doing it. So he sat there in silence and returned to just staring out the window.

The mundane scenery that flashed by him over and over again was slowly lulling BamBam into a sleepy state. And despite his best efforts to keep his eyes open, he eventually fell asleep, head pressed against the cool glass of the window.

~*~*~

Ringing. That's all BamBam could register was ringing in his ears. It was like a loud noise, similar to that stupid high pitch buzzing sound that kids in his class liked to set off to see if their elderly teacher was able to hear it. BamBam moved to rub his ears in hopes to stop the ringing but he became very aware of how much his body hurt.

“Ahhhh-” he choked out as he rolled onto his back. He wasn't sure what hurt most, his back, his neck, his arms, or legs.

“Hey, hey! Are you okay?” the voice had BamBam searching for the owner, his eyes landing on Mr. Handsome as he came into his line of sight. There was a wound on his head, blood caked around his temple. He was covered in dirt and his hat missing now. BamBam could finally see him and he was even more gorgeous. “Can you hear me?”

“Y-yeah.” BamBam stuttered out. He grunted as he tried to sit up, Mr. Handsome's arms wrapping around him to help him sit up.

“Easy kid. Take it slow.” Mr. Handsome said. “Your arm is broken.”

BamBam frowned and looked down at his arm, eyes widening in pure horror at the sight of it. He could barely comprehend it as a wave of nausea hit him and he leaned over to vomit.

“It's okay. Let it out.” Mr. Handsome said. “You're gonna be okay.” It was the reassurance that BamBam wasn't sure was doing any good. He felt sick, tired, and rundown. But he could breathe again once he emptied the contents of his stomach. Lifting his head, he took in the horrific sight before them, one he hadn't noticed because of his pain, but was also the cause for it.

“What happened?!” The words tumbled out of his mouth as he stared at the wreckage of the turned over bus, the front half ablaze.

“I don't know. The driver started swerving and then suddenly we were veering off the road and started flipping.” Mr. Handsome spoke. “I saw you thrown from the bus and then I was too.”

“Are you hurt?” BamBam asked, eyes wide with worry. “Where's the driver?” The urgency in his own voice scared BamBam into wanting to move and to help. But he couldn't. At least he didn't think.

“On the bus.”

The words were followed by a loud explosion and both flinched and ducked as parts of the bus flew through the air. “Crap!”

BamBam shouted as he was grabbed and dragged, body protesting greatly. But it was needed. Mr. Handsome dragged him to safety in the tree line as the debris landed in the spots where they had just been. If they hadn't moved, it would have ended badly. “Thanks.” BamBam panted, teeth clenching through the pain.

“No problem. I'm Jackson. Are you okay?” Mr. Handsome, Jackson, asked.

“Besides my arm, I think so,” BamBam said gently. “I'm BamBam.”

“Nice to meet you BamBam. You wouldn't happen to have your cell phone would you?” Jackson asked. Nodding, BamBam used his good arm to pat his body, only to find his phone missing.

“I don't. I don't know where it is.”

“It's okay. It's probably lost. That's fine. Let's get your arm set and wrapped and we can go look for help.”

“Sure.” BamBam stilled for a moment as he processed what he just agreed to. “Wait, no!”

Jackson stared at BamBam, head cocked to the side. “What do you mean no? We need to get it set and splinted.”

“But that’ll hurt,” BamBam whispered, cradling his broken arm closer to his body and away from the other male. While he didn’t think Jackson would use force on him to set a broken bone, this was still a stranger. He may have been very handsome, but that didn’t mean BamBam could truly trust him.

“At least let’s get a tourniquet around it to stop the bleeding.” Jackson offered and it only took a moment for BamBam to agree. That made sense and he didn’t actually feel like dying yet. So he gave his arm to Jackson, watching the other intently as Jackson worked open his belt and pulled it off. He wrapped it around BamBam’s arm, just above the break, and tightened it as tight as it would go and started wrapping it around and tying it off. It was a bit difficult, the leather not wanting to cooperate, but eventually they got it fixed and with a gentle hand, Jackson helped BamBam up.

“I have no clue where we are.” Jackson sighed.

“Same. But there has to be a town or house nearby.” BamBam suggested. “Are you okay to walk?”

“I’m fine, what about you?”

“I’ll be okay. Let’s just try to find help.” Nodding, Jackson started walking, one arm around BamBam’s waist to steady them as they headed down the road, away from the wreckage. He hoped that they would find someplace to call for help. But the further they walked, the more desolate the area seemed, and eventually, they wondered if they would ever find a town. They continued to walk on though, hope growing dimmer and dimmer.

Tags: @cuddly-bangchan​ @lordseochangbin​ @channiesmixtape​ @starryseung​ @felixsanxchatbot​ @jisungsjheekies​

[things2mustdo]

I went to visit my family for Thanksgiving, and as usual, I was confronted with numerous blue pill beliefs. While I’m no longer annoyed by these things, because I’ve gone through the “Return Journey” phase of swallowing the red pill, I did notice something that was extremely disturbing.

As I grew tired of arguing over basic political, economic, and gender points, I meandered downstairs to my family’s recreation room. There was a group of my younger relatives, aged 16-20, watching some show on Netflix about trans-gendered individuals.

I don’t know what the show was called, but one thing that really struck me was the show’s uncanny ability to use emotionally charged scenes and drama to elicit a feeling of compassion for the characters. In other words, numerous TV shows are now starting to take advantage of our natural empathy, and using it to sway our political and social opinions.

Emotionally Gripping

As I stood behind the couch watching a few minutes of this transgender show, I saw a very heart wrenching scene take place. Although the nuances of the story line were lost to me, I gathered enough information to see what was going on.

Basically, some guy was getting surgery to turn into a woman. As he was in the operating room, something went terribly wrong, and despite the surgeons’ desperate attempts to save him, he ended up perishing.

The following scene was comprised of extremely grief-inducing piano music played to various clips of the man’s children all mourning their loss. While this may seem innocuous, or like it’s just “creative, dramatic television,” I believe that it’s actually something far more sinister.

What’s going on here, is that the elites (because remember, this is a top down operation) are trying to traumatize the average American youth with images of the “horrors that transgender people go through!” They’re using television to create these emotional “triggers,” if you will, that will be ignited anytime someone says something against transgenders.

In other words, the trauma that occurs from becoming engrossed in this TV show (in our example) leaves an emotional residue of sorts, so that whenever the topic of transgenderism is brought up in conversation, the viewer subconsciously remembers the emotions associated with the topic which the TV show implanted into his mind.

Emotional Triggers

This became abundantly clear to me as I was arguing with a friend from the West Coast over transgenderism. I very calmly said that I believe it’s a mental illness, and should be treated as such. I said that these people need help, and we shouldn’t encourage them. I backed my assertion by referencing how the chief psychologist at Johns Hopkins Hospital has vehemently called out doctors who perform transgender surgeries as “collaborating with a mental illness for profit.”

Despite my calm and collected assertions, she grew EXTREMELY emotional and automatically assumed a whole host of things about me:

I’m a disgusting, careless sociopath

I have no sympathy for others’ suffering and I’m a cold-hearted bastard

I vehemently hate anyone who’s different than me

Despite the fact that none of these things are true, it became clear to me why she automatically believed this about me: the TV shows that she watches had been subtly implanting little emotional biases into her brain. This is how manipulative our “real” media is.

What happened, in psychological terms, was that as I was calmly explaining my perspective on transgenderism, her subconscious was flooded with all of the EMOTIONS that she associates with the topic:

All of the pain and grief she experienced from TV shows depicting transgender “issues”

How Bruce Jenner is a “hero,” and how much mainstream “opposition” he encountered when coming out

All of the anger she experienced when the token “anti-transgender person” in each show was a huge dick to the main character (more on this in the next section)

All rational thought was completely stopped, as she had literally been trained to elicit a certain response whenever the topic of transgenderism is brought up. Do you see my point? By repeatedly exposing people to scenes that elicit sympathy for transgenders, the media is engineering a widespread social response in favor of it.

Token Characters

As I alluded to before, another underhanded tactic that mainstream TV shows use is that they never have a rational, level-headed man who supports traditional marriage and normal heterosexuality. Any time someone in mainstream media doesn’t support the main character’s disorder, he’s always portrayed as a complete asshole.

This can take the form of him beating up the main character, bullying the main character, or what have you. I recall several years ago there was ample talk at the work place over some “anti-homosexual” character in glee that smothered a smoothie onto a guy just because he was homosexual, or something ridiculous like that.

Despite the fact that NOBODY I know would do something like this, the elite-sponsored TV utilizes token characters in order to implant a certain idea into our heads—the idea that everyone who opposes deviant sexual orientations is a cold-hearted bully. I recall that this was pointed out to me by a Catholic high school teacher, and it didn’t make any sense to me back then (before homosexuality was normal).

Now, in retrospect, I’m extremely thankful that he planted that seed in my class’s mind. The more that I look at television through this lens, the more I see what he was talking about. There’s never a level-headed, confident, genuine man that has game, either. It’s always either a completely meek beta male, or a chauvinistic “bad boy” Hank-Moody type character (although I do love me some Hank Moody).

This phenomena is taken even further as the transgender or homosexual person in mainstream TV is almost always portrayed as some brave, sweet, sensitive soul, with a hard life. In other words, the elites are engineering a dichotomy as Roosh has referenced before.

The dichotomy is that you’re either a sweet, empathetic, gentle-hearted person who supports transgenderism and deviant sexual preferences, or you’re a complete asshole who bullies and berates people just because “you’re mean.” This use of labeling brainwashes others into IMMEDIATELY putting you into the “sociopathic jerk” category if you don’t support transgenderism, making any and all rational discourse folly.

Subtle Desensitization

Another terrifying event that comes to mind of the media’s disgusting methods was when I was watching a popular kid’s TV show known as “Adventure Time,” a year or two ago. Again, I was with my family for some holiday event (I can’t remember which), and recall some of the kids watching this show.

Despite the fact that it’s labeled as a kid’s show, I saw an insidious little dialogue take place that was meant to desensitize children to pedophilia. In the show, there was some ball going on (I assume it was like a “prom” type deal), and the old wizard was looking for a partner.

He ended up going with some underage girl, who was probably 60 years his prior, and when the main character pointed this out, the old wizard simply stated: “Age…is nothing but a number!” Upon which the characters started dancing and doing comical things to prevent any sort of rational thought occurring after this was said.

After seeing this I became extremely disgusted and turned off the television, but that’s beyond the point. Why is this type of dribble being used to brainwash our youth? Anyone with half a brain can see that the point behind this scene was to start subtly implanting the seeds of pedophilia into a child’s mind.

Again, the words of my wise old Catholic high school teacher come to mind. I’ll never forget when he told me that “in 15 years, pedophilia will become normal.” My entire class was shocked, and couldn’t comprehend such a thing happening. He said this in 2009, and it seems that his prediction is coming true.

“First it will start with the media,” he said. “They’ll have some show where they make jokes about it and they’ll keep the humor very lighthearted, never showing the actual act. They’ll begin the process of desensitizing you, then eventually some politician will bring it up, and it will be an official stance that other politicians will be forced to take. This will begin the process of slowly normalizing it.”

My God was this man spot on, because this is EXACTLY how the media sways our opinions.

Keep in mind that their methods are SUBTLE, and that’s the point—they want to keep it below the level of thought so that you never question what they’re teaching you. Any time a strange or ridiculous belief is asserted, they very quickly move into a joyful scene or celebration to not only prevent you from thinking too much about the ridiculous belief, but to have you associate happiness with it, as well, which brings me to my next point.

Association And Correlation Bias

There’s a very powerful phenomena in psychology known as association; this is sometimes also called the correlation bias, or “Illusory Correlation.” This is basically your mind’s tendency to look for relationships where there aren’t any.

For example, why do you think most modern girls aren’t girlfriend material? Why do you think that the average man is weak, pathetic, and emasculated? It’s because of the media’s tendency to slowly create illusory associations within your mind.

The media causes women to associate happiness and a successful life with the following:

Being a man-hating feminist, who can’t submit to a strong, confident man

Not cooking or cleaning, because that’s “sexist”

Riding the alpha male cock carousel, and not getting married, because marriage is “oppressive”

The media creates a false correlation in women’s minds by constantly portraying bitchy, overly-masculine, slutty women as being empowered, sought-after, and happy. As any man who’s been learning game knows, this is absolute nonsense.

It doesn’t matter, though—once your brain has an association, it’s extremely difficult to get rid of it. This is why so many men are emasculated nowadays. It teaches us to associate:

Being a weak bitch with getting a hot girlfriend

Being a feminist and leftist with having girls think you’re noble and heroic

Courting a slut with being a gentleman

As any modern man who reads the manosphere knows, these are completely fallacious beliefs. Being a weak, low-testosterone man will not in fact land you the girls. Being a screaming leftist who holds those “I’m a feminist because,” signs will not get you the approval of women, and courting a washed up slut does not make you a gentleman (it makes you stupid).

Despite the obvious illogical nature of these beliefs, because the mainstream media has 8 hours a day to indoctrinate us, most men end up buying into them wholeheartedly, and will even berate you for having game when you CLEARLY get more women than them.

“So What Can I Do?”

First things first, stop watching mainstream media. In case you haven’t noticed, the MSM is starting to feel the effects of men waking up; in fact, they’ve recently gone on a long, drawn-out tirade about “fake news,” or in other words, news that is red-pilled.

I haven’t watched mainstream media EVER—the only time that I ever watch MSM is if they’re interviewing a pickup artist, a manosphere blogger, or if I’m trying to debunk their ludicrous reporting. I get almost all of my news from sites like ROK, Danger And Play, Info Wars, Natural News, and the people that I follow on Twitter.

In addition to only consuming a red-pilled information diet, ensure that your children don’t watch TV unarmed. I saw a phenomenal post recently on “How to Raise Red-Pilled Daughters,” and the ROK author talks about how he doesn’t flat out ban TV, but rather teaches his daughters to think rationally and learn to see the foolishness of MSM.

Aside from not watching MSM and raising your family to be skeptical of it, you can also support alternative media sites by simply tuning in. You don’t have to buy any of their products (although it helps); simply giving them your attention and leaving a thoughtful comment or two is enough to generate interest.

All in all, we’re facing extremely tumultuous times. More and more people are starting to break free of the MSM’s grip on their mind, but the men who get left behind end up more brainwashed than ever. Eventually, once the MSM dies, we can begin the long and arduous process of reclaiming our country—and this, my friends, is something I believe is worth fighting for.

Read More: Fact Checking Emotional Propaganda

When I was making a purchase at my local bookstore last week, the cashier solicited me for a donation. This donation was for a charity dealing with sick children or something. I told cashier I came here to buy a book not make donations. I guess she realized I am not one to be guilt tripped into doing things and told me that many people do not have the courage to say no. This pressure to comply due to emotional appeal has run rampant in America. When people make decisions on how they feel or manipulated by their feelings, not many good things can come of it.

Usually I do not delve into the details of the various schemes and manipulations that powerful people do in order to influence people’s behaviors. Someone actually fact checked one sales pitch for the limitation of guns. This exercise in breaking down an argument outside of the emotional shows that emotion is all it has. While the premise is guns, the method is pure emotional appeal.

The Mayor of New York City, Michael Bloomberg has decided to throw his hat in, as well as his capital, in a political fight against the NRA by spending an estimated fifty million dollars to start up Everytown for Gun Safety @ Everytown.org. If you go to his website, one of the articles pops out on the front page is an “analysis” of the over sixty “school shootings” that have taken place since the Newtown massacre on December 12th, 2012.

In this era of political rhetoric and ideological echo-chambers, there is little in the way of fact-checking and realism with statistical data. The media is off  panicking the masses of soccer moms and metrosexual dads that mass shootings are a growing epidemic, apparently none of whom look at the FBI’s Uniform Crime Reports of homicides every year. Of the sixty-two incidents on Everytown’s “analysis”, only one can be classified as a mass murder. The FBI is quite clear that a “mass murder” involves the homicide of four or more individuals with no cooling off period between the murders. The article would lead readers to believe that there have been sixty-two incidents of similar scope as the Sandy Hook Elementary School shooting. But this is simply not the case.

With a total combined death toll between the sixty-two “school shootings” of 39, it’s hard to match them up to Newtown, which in one incident saw 28 deaths, including the perpetrator, Adam Lanza. Despite what the media might portray for politics, ratings, or profit, such shootings are exceptionally rare. Of course, a large amount of the focus is on the AR-15 reportedly used,the  gun control advocates would like gullible Americans to think without which Adam Lanza would not have been capable of such carnage. But if you remember the Virginia Tech shooting on April 16th, 2007. Seung-Hui Cho managed to kill 32 people, then himself, with nothing more than a .22LR caliber Walther P22 and 9mm Glock 19; the Walther with a magazine capacity of ten rounds and the Glock a bit more at fifteen. There is little discussion of firearms in the Everytown analysis, probably because they are virtually all handguns or the suggested firearm for home defense of Vice President Joe Biden, a shotgun.

Let’s look at that the lack of analysis this “analysis” gives us, as it’s little more than a picture of a crying woman and a list of schools at which a firearm was discharged on or nearby campus grounds since December 2012. Thirty-nine people dead, because of school shootings, between December 13th, 2012 and mid-April 2014. It’s hard to find statistics for causes of death even near that number. The United States averages roughly 51 deaths due to lightning strikes per year, over the last 20 years; according to NOAA. According to the CDC, there was an average of 3,533 unintentional drownings per year for the years of 2005-2009. Yet where is a politically motivated and affluent billionaire to launch a safety campaign outlining the dangers of pools or thunderstorms?

The fact that Mayor Bloomberg has taken Chicago Mayor Rahm Emanuel’s now infamous quote “never let a good crisis go to waste” to heart, is no surprise. But who thinks about the political realities of why someone is making moves against one of the GOP’s biggest political lobbies, using a tragedy like Newtown as the crest on their flag; when they are busy being emotionally compromised by the idea of children being gunned down in their school classrooms?

Among the 39 deaths, there is a justified case of self-defense, a possible case of self-defense, and seven cases of nothing more then suicides by firearm. The biggest trend among these “school shootings” is the shooters and victims are young black men. This reality is in stark contrast to the media image of upper-class white elementary school kids gunned down by socially awkward psychopaths with AR-15’s or other “assault weapons”. Few if any of the mainstream gun safety campaigns reflect the reality of gun violence. Remember, you are more likely to be killed by bee stings than you are to be shot on or around a school campus.

In conclusion, this emotional appeal by Mr. Bloomberg seems to be all about coercing a population into following his politics through emotional appeal. His advocacy gives them an audience of motivated people controlled by their emotions. What could a powerful person do with this audience aside from campaign against guns. I signed up at this website to get the newsletter. This newsletter only talks about political activism for those that seem to not be able to make up their own mind. Be aware of those that appeal to your emotion, because they may not appeal to your interests.

Note: The author received help from “Glocktopus”, a member of the notorious “Donk Chat” in writing this article.

[jamiedc-they-them]

The care you never gave yourself (Platonic) PT.1

IMAGINE: You told yourself and everyone else that you were getting better. And you were. But you weren’t fully there yet. You still wanted the approval of those despite you already having it. Now, that want would come back to bite not just you, but your whole family.

Rey was a Palpatine by blood, but a Skywalker by heart. By choice. She’d managed to beat the person who brought her all the pain that she had gone through. All the darkness that plagued her had come back to him. Traced back to him by blood and influence that was subtle, but there.

She’d defeated him, but that darkness hadn’t left her. It was still there. It was always there. It was a constant battle to fight against it. To resist it. But that was how she proved herself as a Skywalker. By constantly resisting the dark by allowing the light in. By facing the dark every day with a brave face.

You were nobody special. You knew that now. Rey and the others had helped you see that it didn’t take away from who you were. That you were someone to the resistance and, more importantly, to them. You were someone to them.

You’d noticed, sadly, that Rey had pulled away from you after that day. She was with Finn more. Another sibling. You knew the two had a tight bond brought by trauma in a few days. You both shared that link too. Yours took a few months, instead of a few days.

You knew she looked at him as a brother, and he looked at her as a sister. And then both looked at you as a younger (brother/sister). But, where you jealous? To a degree. To a degree you were. And you resented yourself for it.

Rey’s darkness came from her past and her mind. Yours was just your mind. The others had proven to you over and over again that they supported you and cared for you. Loved you as family. They’d shown you a lot of times that it was true.

Still, your ugly thoughts still plagued you. The therapy was helping, it was. You were slowly finding ways to try and deal with all your pain. But, as they had promised you. It didn’t make it go away. Nothing would. Nothing would make your trauma disappear. Nothing would fully heal that pain that you suffered internally. As it had seemed, not even finding your parents.

That was the part that you hated. The part of you that told you that you were still obsolete. That the others had found their place. That they had seemed to deal with their demons in their own way. They seemed fine. They all seemed to have their shit together.

You didn’t. And you didn’t know why. You’d tried their methods. More specifically, Rey’s. The others were private with their methods. You got why; it was their own way of dealing with their pain. But you were desperate at this point. Willing to find anyway to hide the dark thoughts and feelings that rumbled within you. Always buzzing to be heard and known to the world.

The others had been able to battle them off when they got bad. So had the therapy. But you knew that this battle ultimately ended with you. And that terrified you. You, alone, and facing your monsters head on. There were just too many.

The thoughts were constant. Even after you had started getting help. They came to you when you were vulnerable, alone or feeling happy. They had really raised their voices then.

Plus, Rey had seemingly disappeared from your life. And that added to the hurt. The way she had seemingly ran from you and to another person you both saw as a brother. To swap one sibling with another.

That was especially when your demons hit you hard. Telling you that she was finally done. That she had finally walked away. That, because you were nothing and not force sensitive, she was done. Moving onto someone that she could at least fix.

You never answered back to your thoughts, despite the advice from your therapist to do so. You had tried, but ultimately found yourself failing.

You needed their help to get through it. You knew that. Your demons did too.

“So, you ready for this?” You asked your elder sister as you approached her with your own bag packed. You were ready to go back to Jakku and find a force sensitive energy she had caught. That was your goal now. The First Order were gone. All the bases were gone anyway. For now, they had scurried to the shadows.

Now, the next goal was the preserve the Jedi Order. To continue Luke Skywalker’s legacy. To form a new Jedi Order where it held both light and dark. A balance. That was what the universe needed.

Rey turned to you; apologetic look on her face. You had an idea of where this was going. A part of your mind still tried to tell you that she wasn’t about to say the words you had still prepared yourself for.

“We need to postpone it.” You sighed. Rey eyed you sadly as she continued, “Finn’s getting really close to learning this new ability. Just… Please understand?” You nodded but didn’t meet her eyes. She let out her own sigh, ruffling your hair as she passed you to go be with your brother. Seemingly her new favourite sibling.

Were you jealous? Most definitely.

That was why you made your next move to calm your demons.

“Where are you going?” Rose’s voice made you stop your advancement up the ramp of the falcon. You turned to your second sisterly figure, face annoyed at the interruption. She only raised an eyebrow at you.

“Going to find that kid.” She didn’t do what you thought she would. That being to go and get Rey and drag her here. No, instead she walked passed you into the falcon. You watched her with a confused look, following after her.

“You mean, we are.” Your confusion turned into concern for her. You didn’t want to drag her into this mess as well. Especially if it went wrong, like most things you did had done as of late.

“No. No, we aren’t doing anything.” You emphasised the, “We” part of that. She only rolled her eyes, flicking the buttons to start the falcon.

“You know Chewie wouldn’t like this. Poe nor Rey neither.” You pointed out, stubbornly folding your arms as if you were chastising her. As if she was the younger sibling in this instance.

Again, she rolled her eyes. The engines where ready, she moved her hand to the lever. Finally turning to you and meeting your worried gaze. Her’s was determined. Her’s was filled with a look of understanding.

“I know what’s it’s like to want to prove yourself to your older sister. I’m not going to let you do this alone. Are you in, or out?”

You nodded instantly, you were in. You had to make your sister’s job easier so she could help you with your demons instead.

You nodded instantly, you were in. You had to make your sister’s job easier so she could help you with your demons instead.

You needed their help to fight your battles.

Rey opened her eyes, letting her brother continue his own meditation. She still sat in the same position. Only looking at Finn with a proud look that he was finally able to control it on his own. He had come along way. From someone who first got in touch with it to defend you both from Kylo Ren. To fully believing it on their final journey big journey together.

It felt nice, to have someone else who had the power of the force. Someone who could understand her struggle and help her through the issues that force users faced. He did what he could, but she was the teacher and he was the student. Meaning that she couldn’t always look to him for help. She had to look elsewhere.

The falcon exited hyperspace, Jakku came into view. You looked at the scarred planet. One filled with pain of war that still remained on it. A planet that held relics of an old war. Relics that were slowly disappearing both due to scavengers, but also just due to time. Due to erosion.

You and Rose sat as co-pilots. Both finding that you worked well as a duo. You never really had much time alone with the others. You were always a group. It was always a group effort. It felt nice, for once, being with someone else. Even if the motivation behind it was to gain the respect and help of the one you knew the longest and the best.

Finn was no hero; you were no Jedi. Finn had proven that wrong, you were less successful on your end. You still hadn’t found yourself being able to wield the force. To be able to be just like your one of your sister’s and brother’s. If you had, it would at least make the trek easier. You hadn’t really thought out this expedition. Really only acting on pure instinct. On pure drive and motivation.

And no plan.

“So, you have no idea where we’re going?” Rose asked as she followed you around. You had been walking pretty much aimlessly for the last hour. Sure, you knew the landmarks. Just not where the kid was. That was the issue.

Part of you realised you should’ve just waited for Rey to be ready. That part was soon drowned out by the voice that reminded you why you were doing this. To make her job faster. And to bring her back to helping you out with your battles.

You were a contradiction, part of you knew it was selfish to actively want the help. That part chastised you for being selfish and not being able to fight your battles on your own. To constantly running to the others for help.

The other part to that dynamic wasn’t much help either. That part told you that you couldn’t beat your demons alone. That you needed them.

So, either way, you were screwed really.

“Not really. Look, she said “Their on Jakku.” And we don’t know the whole planet. We never went that far out from home. So, they have to be at a place that we know.”

“And, if it’s not?”

“Then we keep going. No matter what.” The last part you said to yourself. To try and assure yourself that you would, no matter what find this child. And help them. You may not have the force and be able to reach out to them that way. But you somewhat had some empathy.

You weren’t a legendary Jedi, just a human being that would be able to relate to their struggle. Especially on a planet like Jakku. A planet that turned you into a dark soul. Just with the things that you had to do to get by.

You reached your old star destroyer, seeing a bigger one in the distance. One that you all had added to the landscape. It was the last one that you and Rey had pillaged for anything useful before you were swept up into this life.

A life where you both found yourself. Both finding what you both feared. And yet you carried on anyway.

You weren’t going to stop, not until you found this kid. Not until you showed Rey that you were just as capable. That you reminded her that you were there too.

“Your relationship’s not healthy.” That was what you therapist had said. You had giving them a withering glare. They remained stubborn despite your look, “It’s borderline co-dependant.”

“No. No, it’s not. We both help each other.” They nodded, agreeing with your point of view. That part was true. So was what their response was, “But you rely too much on her help. Not just her’s, the others as well.” They sighed, making sure that they didn’t lose control. When they spoke again, their voice was soft.

“What you both went through was traumatic, no one should have to go through something like that. No one is denying that. And, to expect you to just “get over it” would be wrong and toxic. No one expects you to do that. They can only do so much in your battles. I can only do so much. It’s up to you to finish that fight. To continue it. To fight the actual fight. No one else can do that. They can help. I can help. But that’s just it. Help. Prep. To get you ready for the battle.”

Walking into the Star Destroyer, a piece of metal flew right past you and Rose. She pulled you back to make sure it missed you. If it was falling down, you could ignore it. But it didn’t. It flew from one side to the other.

That only meant one thing.

Your hunch was right, there was a scared and scarred child holding his hand out to you. Just in case. You weren’t worried about his action, more about how he wasn’t in control yet. How he feared it like Rey had at the start.

You went to talk, but you were cut off by your own voice.

“Let him be. Let your “sister” deal with it, right? Let her solve your issues like you always do.” You froze, your face contorting into fear.

You saw yourself walking out of the dark towards you. It was you, not a dark version by any means. The only thing that gave it away was the smirk it wore and the tone of it’s own voice. Deranged, wild, evil.

“What the hell?” Rose asked in fear as she looked between you both. You didn’t take your eyes off your repressed self as you answered your friend.

“Rose, go call the others.” Your voice was scared, terrified even. That was a better term. You where terrified of what was to come. Terrified that one of your best friends had seen what lay inside of you. That it now had a physical form. Or, as close as it could get to being a physical form.

“No, I’m not just going to leave you –”

“Rose, seriously. Go, now! I’ll handle this.” She knew that this wasn’t the time nor place to argue. That she knew she was wasting time by still standing there. Giving you a worried look that you missed, she left to do just that.

“Rey!” She groaned in frustration at her brother yelling out her name. She opened her eyes, seeing her other brother with the same slightly annoyed expression on his face too.

Standing up, they turned to him. He finally reached them, catching his breath. The two friends shared a look of concern before looking to their other one. Know with worry starting to build up within them.

“It’s (y/n) and Rose. They took the falcon to Jakku to go look for that kid…. They need help.”

You did indeed, you were getting thrown all over the place by your darker self. The one that fought with no regard for rules. The untamed version of yourself that always clawed at you to be unleashed whenever a fight was happening. Physical or verbal, it didn’t happen. It wanted out. When you were on missions, you’d let it out then. Hoping that it would please it.

Apparently, it wasn’t enough. Evidently so, as you hit another wall after being thrown into it. Your breath left you as you hit the ground, completely winded by now. A cut to your head, knuckles not fairing too well either.

Your darker form had little to no wounds. You had barely been able to get a hit on (him/her). You wiped your lip with your sleeve, you’d taken a beating before. You knew how to get back up and keep going. How to find more energy to keep going.

Rey had taught you that.

“She’s getting tired of this, you know. Just going in circles…” Your monster knelt down, clasping (his/her) hands together. Smirking at your broken form as (he/she) beat you down once again, “Always coming to your aid. Always fighting your battles for you. You do so much for them. For her. And ask for nothing in return. It’s commendable. Stupid, but commendable.”

Your demon let you rise up once again. Even let you run behind some cover. (He/she) didn’t make one move towards you. Yet you still heard footsteps. Looking over your cover, you saw that now, it wasn’t alone. Now it had backup.

It was your siblings. Of course, your mind hid versions of them. And, of course that out of control force user brought them out.

“(y/n)?” You heard Rey ask as you ducked back down. You heard a gasp. The sound immediately made you look back up. You saw Rey hunched over. You saw another figure holding a blaster out. The blaster was aimed. That told you all you needed to know.

She had been shot.

“NO!” You exclaimed, jumping over the cover and running to her. When you reached her, she disappeared. They all had. All apart from you ghost. The one you tried to hide from the others.

The one whose figure now matched you own. Broken and bloodied.

“(y/n)” This one was from the real Rey. Her voice was soft, concerned and confused all in one go. You turned to them, only to have a light blind you for a moment.

“It’s…(him/her). Both of them” Finn said, opening your eyes again. You saw your siblings looking between you both, trying to figure out who was who.

Rey moved the blaster you owned between you both. Your mind once again berating yourself for leaving it at home. Leaving you defenceless.

“Get the boy out of here.” Rey never took her eyes off of the pair of you as she uttered her command. The others silently went through with it.

Now it was just you both… Three, technically.

She lowered her blaster. The thing clattered on the ground as it left her grip. She took a calming breath, finally closing her wide eyes.

“It won’t work.” Your demon self-told your sister. She opened her eyes and looked to it.

“Why not?”

“Because, we’re the same.” Rey moved her gaze to you. The same amount of distrust emitting onto you as well. You hated the look. You had never received that look from her. Seeing it now seemed to open up what would’ve been a new wound. It wasn’t. It was one that was always there. One that always haunted you.

The day your friends would look at you as an outsider.

“How do I know which one of you I can trust?” Her question was valid. Your self and your other sharing a look on how to proceed.

“Ask us something?” You both suggested in sync. Rey looked between you both again. Silently debating it herself. She bit her lip as she decided. Before, finally, nodding in agreement.

She turned to your shadow self-first, “What was the first thing I said to you when I met you? What was the first promise I made?”

“That I could always come to you.” She turned to you next. Eyes filled with conflicted emotions. Knowing that she only had one shot to make it right. She only had one shot to kill the right one.

“What did I tell you at Starkiller base? When we both awaited the end?”

“This is useless –” She raised the blaster, eyes darkening at you, “What. Did. I. Say?”

“I was seven!” Her face fell, “You found me at the edge of this place. I wanted to be sucked up by the dark. You found me just in time. Grabbed me as I went to jump. Pulled me up, we didn’t eat that night as you dropped your load to save me. You did that for me.”

“What’s that got to do with anything –”

“I had… I’d thought about it for a while. Ever since I cost us food that one day. Rey, I’ve been trying to make up for that day ever since.” She matched your glassy eyes. You took an unsteady to her, arms still raised. She kept her blaster up, but her hand trembled.

“I’ve thought about it on the base, the thoughts never left me. You know that. I wanted to help you. To show you that I could do this. I know you guys can only do so much. I have to do the rest of the job. I know that now. I –”

You never got to finish you words. Instead, a pained grunt left you. Looking down, you saw a burnt hole in your stomach. Looking up, your elder sister looked at you with horror. Nothing but horror.

Your vision blurred as the pain was finally processed, you fell. You heard another shot. Then felt a pair of hands grabbed up. You felt your head go into someone’s lap.

“No, no, no, no. I’m sorry, (y/n). I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I – I – You just…. The other one of you just…” She could barely contain herself as she broke down in tears. She tried to put what energy she could into your wounds, she managed to do the ones on your face. The smaller ones. With the lack of energy, she knew that she couldn’t handle the larger ones.

That she couldn’t save you. She could only watch as you slowly left her. She continued to mutter apologies as she stroked your cheek to try and make your passing more peaceful.

[emergenciesstory]

Bikes and Babes Epilogue

Part One Here  - Part two Here - Part Three here - Part 4 Here

A/n: Last little blurb. I’d really like to thank @star-spangled-bingo for the Mechanic Square which lead to this beaut, as well as the entire bingo which kept me excited for something all year. I’d also like to thank @sinceriouslyamellpadalecki for not only reading, but reblogging with such sweet comments. Your support keeps me writing Doll! Here’s to 2020, thank you for all the inspiration, may 2021 be better!

*Two weeks later*

“Thank the Gods.” You said from your spot by the window. A livewire was moving quickly down the road towards your Garage, two helmets glistening in the rising sun.

“What?” Steve asked, pulling a shirt over his head. 

“They’re back.” You smiled, grabbing his hand and pulling him out of the apartment. You heard the engine cut as you moved across the loft, the door opening to the shop.

“Natasha!” Steve said full of excitement, taking the steps two at a time. Morgan stood behind her, wringing her hands together as she was the first time you met. Steve pulled her into his arms, fretting as a dad would. You smiled softly. Natasha turned to you, handing you the Tracker phone.

“Thank you.” She said softly. “That was great thinking.”

“What happened? What took you so long?” Steve asked, immediately turning into Captain mode. You pulled up a couple chairs from nearby, offering one to Morgan.

“We got them. Took Clint a little time to catch up, but not long to find Morgan at her fathers refurbished LA House.” Nat clarified. “Morgan, I believe you have something to say to Harley and your Uncle Steve.”

Morgan nodded, looking between the two of you. She settled on Steve, clearing her throat. “I’m sorry for disappearing, for not coming to you. I thought I could take care of it myself.”

“Thank you. I’m glad you learned from this experience, and that you are okay.” He said, taking a breath.

“Harley, I’m sorry for lying to get the bike. I had no idea what to do, so I acted on impulse, and it was wrong. I’m also sorry that I wrecked it.” Morgan winced at the last part.

“Thank you, Morgan. We all act out of desperation at times. I’m glad you’re okay. It’s just a bike, it can be rebuilt.” You said, taking her hand and giving it a squeeze.

“Wait, you wrecked my bike?” Steve asked, voice hard with masked emotion. Morgan’s eyes got wide, making an audible gulping noise. You placed a hand on Steve’s arm, making him look at you.

“It’s just a bike. We can build you a new one.” You smiled, watching his shoulders relax. Nat looked between the two of you, understanding everything that wasn’t said, everything that had happened in the past two weeks.

“So, you’re staying?” She asked, smile on her face. Steve blushed, his hand moving to the back of his neck. 

“Well- I, umm.”

“You should stay, Uncle Steve.” Morgan said gently. “You seem more like the Steve Dad used to talk about, the one Peter goes on telling stories of. If you found that here, you should stay.”

“And who will keep up with you, squirt?” He asked, looking intently at her.

“Uncle Bucky has had it easy so far. And Aunt Nat has already grounded me for the next three months. I think I’ll be okay.” Morgan rolled her eyes. 

“Okay, Then I’ll stay?” Steve looked at you, question in his eyes.

“You’ll stay.” You confirmed, pecking his cheek from where you sat. “As for you two, I think another bike is in order to get you back?” You stood, brushing your hands on your sweats, leading them around to the fourth bay where all the bikes you fixed were stored. 

“Let me guess, Steves old bike was too big for you, Morgan?” You asked, looking through your collection. 

“Just a bit.” She answered guiltily. You gestured her to follow you, Stopping in front of a solid black bike.

“The Zero SR, It’s electric like Natashas, a little lighter than the 750.” You smiled, holding the handlebars as she swung a leg over it. You encouraged her to lean on it, adjust how she sat. 

“Looks great.” Nat said, watching from a distance. “You fix all of these?” 

“I did.” You looked back at her. “And I think this is the bike for Morgan.” Moran smiled, getting back off the bike. Steve came over with the keys from the hook in the back, giving you a skeptical look as he handed them to you and opened the bay door. You held them out, looking at Morgans face.

“It’s yours on one condition. You call him if anything goes wrong, and you come visit once in a while.” You said, holding the keys out. 

“I promise.” Morgan nodded, taking the key. “Thank you, really. This is very generous.” 

“I was like you, you know?” you said softly, walking outside with her behind Steve wheeling the bike. “You have to learn how to do things yourself, I get that. But It’s okay to ask for help, and it’s okay to admit when you need it.” You nudged her shoulder, a smile on your face.

“Take care of her.” Steve told Nat, giving her a hug.

“Take care of Her.” Morgan said to him, referring to you. Steve pulled her into a hug, squeezing her tight. 

He looked over the bike, pointing out a few things for Morgan to do once she got back to the City. Nat Nodded at you from where she leaned on her livewire, winking at the tracker you saw Steve activate on the bike. A soft chuckle crossed your lips, your eyes moving to the Pickup pulling into the gravel lot.

“Boys.” You nodded with a wave as Brooks, Matt, Jones, and Davids came from the cab and the back.

“Boss.” Many nodded at the company, moving inside quickly. Brooks and Matt moved over to where you stood, taking in your sweats and company from over your shoulders. 

“That his kid?” Brooks asked in your ear.

“Something like that.” You mused, knowing there was a follow up question.

“Ain’t that Black Widow?” You could tell he was looking her up and down, playing the ‘bad boy’. Nat turned and gave him a wink, blowing a kiss with a smirk.

“It is.” You smiled, looking over your other shoulder. “Matt, you’re awful quiet this morning.” Matt looked at the scene before him, then back to his custom build in the back.

“Is Grant leaving? He’s pretty cool when you get to know him. We were almost done with the build.” His voice was laced with sadness, making a laugh cross your lips. Steve’s eyes locked on yours at the sound of your tinkling voice, before handing Morgan her helmet and pulling her into a hug.

“No, He is here to stay for now.” You waved as Nat and Morgan started their bikes, headed down the road with Nat bringing up the rear. Steve watched them head towards the sunrise, his hand hung steady in the air. You turned to look at Matt and Brooks, your guys, your family.

“Come on, let’s give him a minute. Besides, we’ve got some turf to protect.” You pun the Boys around, laughing at you as they walked in the shop. You could hear more tires pulling up as the rest of your team came in, but your eyes drifted back to one person. Steve’s eyes met yours, a tear rolling down his cheek, but a bright smile on his face. This was where he was meant to be.

[destinychose-a1]

*      @saiichii​​ sent a message :     oooh plots pls! ( if you're still accepting ) for eijirou and / or any of the others on the interest check!

↳    “ 𝐏𝐋𝐎𝐓𝐒 𝐏𝐋𝐄𝐀𝐒𝐄 ”    /    𝐍𝐎𝐓 𝐀𝐂𝐂𝐄𝐏𝐓𝐈𝐍𝐆 !

( 𝟏 )    SENKU + HIRO.      I’m not sure if you’re familiar with Dr. Stone, but please know that Senku and Hiro could get along fantastically. To put it simply, Senku is a teenage genius, similarly to Hiro, with a strong passion ( and mind ) for science. I’m sure you can see where I’m going with this, but with Hiro’s skill in robotics and Senku’s scientific mind, they’d play off one another really well. I can imagine the two of them staying up to the early hours of the morning working on projects together, inventing and experimenting, coming up with incredible ( or incredibly dangerous ) ideas and using their combined knowledge to achieve new things. 

As Senku was miles ahead of his peers in terms of intelligence, he’ll be able to relate to Hiro greatly in the sense that they never really fit in with people their age ( well, Senku did have Taiju and Yuzuriha, admittedly ), so to that end he won’t even bat an eye at Hiro’s age or the fact that he’s entering college several years early. He’s not really one to make judgements based on anything like that, as he vastly prefers logic despite having the biggest heart going.

( 𝟏.𝟏 )      Luckily, as Senku can fit in easily with a modern verse / Hiro’s canon verse, we have a few options in terms of plots! Senku canonically visits a lot of different places growing up, so it stands to reason that he could end up in San Fransokyo for one reason or another, or Hiro could potentially visit Japan. I can see Senku really respecting Hiro’s opinions and skills, forging a sort of kinship with him and their shared love of science.

Senku could potentially offer a hand in the development of new equipment or chemicals with Big Hero Six, if he ever learned of their existence!

( 𝟏.𝟐 )      This one is pretty dependent on your knowledge of Dr. Stone’s universe ( no pressure whatsoever! ), but it could be pretty fun to explore something set after the petrification of humanity and seeing how Hiro fits in with the Kingdom of Science, especially if we developed something where Hiro and Senku knew one another ( however briefly ) before the petrification. The idea of Senku having yet another science buddy alongside him to help rebuild human civilisation is a really wholesome one and I’m into it. Hiro would undoubtedly be in charge of engineering and helping the Kingdom of Science build machinery and modes of transport, given his expertise!

( 𝟐 )    HARUKI + HIRO.      With your KNY verse in mind, I feel like my KNY OC, Haruki, and Hiro could also get along really well ( if you’d like to know more about them, feel free to hit me up and I’ll happily rant away for ... a while ). Similarly to Hiro, Haruki is an inventor at heart, something they dedicate themselves to fully after retiring from their status as Pillar. They’re still learning how to fashion weaponry to a high standard, so there’s every chance that they could learn a thing or two from Hiro when it comes to crafting swords in order to expand their repertoire. 

I can imagine Haruki naturally, if not unintentionally, assuming an older sibling figure to Hiro, being somewhat teasing but very supportive and attentive. They have a tendency to gravitate towards those younger than them, likely as they seem them as more vulnerable and in need of support/protecting, something they unconsciously carry with them after they lost their sister at such a young age. They certainly don’t seek to replace her, but they have a soft spot for kids and want to see them become the best person they can be, which will naturally extend to Hiro over time!

( 𝟐.𝟏 )      I imagine Haruki and Hiro’s shared enthusiasm for weaponry and forging them is what brings them together in the first place. Haruki stubbornly sought out the hidden Swordsmith Village ( going as far as requesting Oyakata-sama allow them to visit ) after losing their leg and retiring as they were desperate to continue being of use to the Demon Slaying Corps and wanted to learn how to forge weapons for their fellow Demon Slayers. This could provide a decent meeting point for Hiro and Haruki! As for where to go from there... Haruki could learn some tips and tricks from Hiro, offer to accompany him places to collect any materials he might need etc etc, share their own ideas and inventions with him... Anything beyond that is totally up to where plotting might lead us if you’re interested!!

[boficionado-a2]

SO THIS RANT WAS SMTH I PUT ON DIS.CORD YESTERDAY. I’m gonna put it here now because my feelings are all over the place right now and I wanna talk Donnie. HERE WE GO.

I’ve always strongly hc’d that Donnie has severe issues with anxiety, depression, and self-esteem/imposter syndrome, and a lot of it stems from a simple inability to connect with his siblings. There's signs of it from super early on that Donnie does just about everything he can to maximize his chances of acceptance. His brothers, while they fight and have issues, all seem better socialized.

But per my (ongoing) theory, he has always been a world apart from them. He was leaps and bounds ahead of them intellectually, and save for a few precious early years where that didn't matter as much, he's ended up alone for a lot of his life, spending more time in his lab than with his brothers. They could all feel comfortable talking, playing games, training, but Donnie just... has this insatiable need to learn to do everything and do it well. It's the gifted kid problem... once that's identified, it becomes your identity, and he's built himself around that.

He's a genius. He really is genuinely gifted. He learns things on the fly, picks up scientific studies as easily as he does languages as easy as he does engineering. But on the same side of the coin as that being his true calling, it also meant that he got called to do a lot more than he should've from a young age. Because you know Splinter's not doing HVAC work.

(Note: we're gonna get into Jay is pissed off about the healing mantras bullshit in short order so buckle up.)

So as soon as he started showing that he could take apart and put together toasters at age six without electrocuting himself AND putting them back together better than before, it unfortunately came with... certain expectations. If it broke, or was found broken, Donnie was expected to fix it. When they got sick, Donnie could usually figure out how to treat it with a few hours and some books... so that's what he did. He set broken bones, learned to stitch cuts... he became a sort of family multitool. As a result, he never learned a healthy respect for his own self and autonomy outside of people needing him... and never needing him for just being Donnie. Needing him for being a mechanic. Needing him to be an engineer. Needing him to be a plumber, a doctor, tech support.

So when they finally started branching out past the lair the idea of people who didn't know he was a genius and might like the person he was under all that was probably more than a little seductive (this is also why I tend to hc he wanted April's friendship and wasn't so hard on the crush side). Problem is he's not sure who he is if he's not the smart guy. (I generally handwave a lot of stuff out of canon and have him not act like an asshat in regards to April... just kinda picking out the bits I don’t care for there, but. The initial desperation for that attention made perfect sense.)

The worst part about the crush, as much as I hated that they kept pushing it well after the joke stopped being funny, is it reveals part of that core insecurity. April's new. She's a friend. She doesn't have the background that's judging him purely on his genius. So of course he wanted desperately for her to like him. He wanted to have that stability that his brothers had. Someone who liked him for him.

He's a shy, awkward kid who likes to read, likes skateboarding, and is perfectly at home playing video games like any other kid his age. He's got diastema and an overbite, both of which he's pretty self-conscious about. Gets in trouble for not training hard enough, but then can't train because something new broke. He's got a temper, but tends to get sad before he loses it. When he's scared, he rambles off random facts about some minor detail regarding the situation they're in. He's attached to his big brothers, but afraid that he just exists as a roommate and not a sibling. And when left to his own devices, he's a quirky, sweet boy with a wicked sense of humor, biting sarcasm, and just a want to be loved and treated as an equal to his brothers without anything else driving that.

So he just... keeps relying on that. If he's useful, if he makes things for their friends and his family then they'll like him more, obviously. And then he messes up and they make fun and the cycle starts all over again. And then.

AND THEN.

THE HEALING MANTRAS GET TROTTED OUT. AT PROBABLY SIXTEEN YEARS OLD AFTER HOW LONG OF BEING THE ONE HIS BROTHERS GO TO WHEN THEY'RE HURT OR SICK.

All that's handed to Leo and he's got one less thing he's needed for, and that is crippling. He's a child, he's built his whole life and self around being needed just so he can feel wanted by his family... and now they need him for one less thing.

Then of course there's the space arc, and he's barely even present. He's a footnote, because Fugitoid is there to solve all those problems for them. It's even a minor plot point in an episode.

“I'm not as smart as the professor. I just build things out of junk.”

To say Donnie has near crippling issues with anxiety and depression and deeply rooted imposter syndrome and miserably poor self esteem is probably understating it a lot.

I honestly think it's also why I'm so attached to my Wheels au. Because the boys had to spend almost six whole months learning just how hard it was to keep things functioning. (Four months of Donnie's coma, and the initial two months after he woke up being mostly bedridden bc he was still really weak.)

So it wasn't just the joking "I wish Donnie were here." It was four months of "Everything is on the verge of breaking constantly" and realizing that he'd been keeping them alive far more than they knew. And then he wakes up and suddenly he can't do a lot of what he did before, and it's clear he's getting mired in a depressive spiral. Because now he feels like he's lost that one thing he had a tenuous grip on: being needed.

Obviously he’s still needed, and he improves with some time and help, but. Yeah. That verse is very near and dear to me for a lot of reasons.

AND THERE YOU GO. YEAH.