#to go home and live another life
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the way the regular non-extended LOTR essentially cuts out all the Eowyn/Faramir romance scenes is a crime really
#like i totally get why it was done i dont think its a bad shout overall#but to me its such a core part of this energy of hope coming out of the darkness...#for all they've both suffered! to find each other and to find healing and a home#for eowyn to hang up her sword.... augh. AUGHHUGUGH.#the idea of fighting like that and being so damaged by it and still having enough green new springtime things in you to step away#to go home and live another life#man i dunno i just love them i really do
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“If you dont like it, move” how fuckin dare you tell me to abandon my home because fascists. I love my home and I will make it better. I do not want to leave my home. I will not abandon it until it is very blatantly apparent to me that my options are to leave or to be killed and even then I’ll probably stay and do my damn best to fight back anyways. I don’t want to leave my home, this is a place I love full of people I love. Do not ever tell me to ‘simply’ leave it.
#chaoticbuggybitchboy#rant#us politics#ant activated#setting aside that it’s generally unrealistic for most people (myself included) to just move to another country or state bc of politics#I don’t think you should ever tell anyone they should leave their home#genuinely I love my hometown I love my home state etc etc#I love living here and I love all the other people who live here#I love the desert I love the culture and I love literally so much about my HOME#I LIVE HERE !!!! I have done so!! my whole life!!!#how dare you tell me to throw all of it away and go somewhere cold with a fuck ton of strangers !!!#even if I had the money!!! I wouldn’t!!!!! because I like it here!!!!!
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You meet your other sister-in-law very briefly.
She arrives unannounced in full Odonii garb and a long cloak for the cold, soaked through with rain. She's taller than most men, and carries herself like one too. Her hair spills out of her veil, not only unbraided but a horrendous mess. It's kind of fascinating. You catch a glimpse of a handgun slung across her back, hidden beneath her cloak. This is especially exciting; you’ve never seen one up close. You try to peek around her to get a better look at it, and flush in embarrassment when she catches you, shooting you a cold glare.
It doesn't seem like she speaks much without being spoken to, and you aren’t really the type to initiate conversations either. Livya fills in for the both of you, prompting your sister-in-law to introduce herself. Her name is Couya. You give her a respectful bow and curtsy, she gives a very slight bow back without looking you in the eye. She compliments your necklace. Or at least, she mumbles something while looking in the general direction of your necklace, and it might have been a compliment. You aren’t sure whether there’s something wrong with her or she’s just rude.
She's just her for filial duties at the family shrine, and she doesn't stay long. Livya stops her on her way out. She says she's disappointed that the one time in a year she can be bothered to come by, she shows up looking like a disheveled street-whore in priest's clothing. Look at Hibrides, she didn't even know we were having company and still did up her hair so nicely, and all by herself too. Thank God your father isn't here to see this, he's suffered enough embarrassment as it is-.
Couya stands in the doorway in silence through this whole speech. You thoroughly inspect a loose tile in the floor and try your best to pretend you aren't there. Livya doesn't take her hand off your shoulder the whole time.
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[I've been writing an overview of Hibrides' first several years of marriage for the hell of it. It's just a summary but it's written with like, the slightest bit of prose, so figured I'd dump a section here]
#Not sure why I started writing this in 2nd person but it's stuck like that now#Livya was the most depressed housewife that has ever lived and deeply unwell. Neither of her daughters went through the#normal experiences she had to of marriage and moving away from home and having children and etc so when Janeys abandons Hibrides#in her home for about 3 years she kinda gloms onto her and treats her like another daughter. She projects on Hibrides HARD#because she reminds her of what she was like as a 15 year old bride. Sees Hibrides as having gotten fucked over with a terrible#husband (which isn't Wrong but its straight up significantly better than how her other options probably would've turned out)#and wants to toughen her up for what she sees as an inevitably dismal life ahead.#This isn't great for the newlywed child who just got moved away from everything she ever knew and abandoned with her#complete stranger of a mother in law.#And also finds herself in the 'golden child used to shame the other children' position frequently which is what's going on here#I might post the whole summary but this is like. The most grimdark part of Hibrides' entire life like its pretty damn rough.#Kind of by nature because it's about being a 15 y/o child bride (not considered a child in this society but like you know).#Also kinda of gives the wrong idea for what she's like later as an actual adult with substantially more agency in her situation.#hibrides uryashta#couya haidamane#livya haidamane
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Something interesting I've noticed about conversion stories is many people seem to have both a rebellious streak and a deep-seated, insatiable desire to learn everything.
One of my shul's well-respected members (who runs the hebrew/judaism class that will start soon) talked about how, when he lived in my town, he would sneak out of the house just to go to shul. That's what I'm doing now, and it's funny (I'm not sneaking out per se, but I am also not telling anybody I'm going to shul). There's an aspect of free-spiritedness that I notice in many converts, and it's fascinating to hear each of their stories. And you know the funniest part? They sound like my story.
#jumblr#jew by choice#jewish conversion#personal thoughts tag#sorry i'm posting so much 💀#but i have been noticing this A Lot#and i don't think its essential to be converting/converted but i think there's a reason that converts tend to have similar feelings/thought#i think the unifying trait is the desire to leave one thing and come home to another#i think for that to happen you tend to have a lot of free spirits and a lot of faith and trust#for me it's hard but i also have that in-born need to fly away - to go home and never look back#i don't say rebellious to mean bad but more like... you aren't 'adhering' to the life you were brought up in#i had rebelled against xtianity before finally accepting that i will never and cen never force myself to believe in it#and i think that's where some peoples' rebellious streak starts#again sorry i'm posting every tiny miniscule thought but B''H for guiding the story of our lives#it was SO cool and welcoming to hear that [member] grew up in my town and we go to the same shul
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Not dissing on anyone in particular but it's interesting to see people trying to retroactively justify or otherwise "call out" on the fact that Melinoe has no connection to her birth family. It's the Point I'd say. And thematically, she's likely never coming "home" for real. Cause it was never home. Can no longer be home and all.
#Melinoe#hades 2#hades II#hades II spoilers#d musings#like what about Melinoe screams “living in an enclosed space inside of another enclosed space is great”? that is the House of Hades#and with people she barely knows to boot#She won't be coming home and if the game in 1.0 tries to Force that in any way I'd say it's bad writing actually#like a thematic mismatch#feels unearned on everyone's part#in what way is Zagreus a more important person in Melinoe's life that say Nemesis? Or Hecate? Heck Eris even#clarifying when I mean the game forcing Melinoe to come home#I don't mean Hecate or Zag even trying to convince her to “go/come home” to the House#but like the narrative trying to justify it as the endgame#and more importantly something that Mel might actually want which aint the case#as far as I see it
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on moving out
#for context i drew this during the paradise of providence event👍#repost of old art#kavetham#haikaveh#i still think abt kaveh moving out often#always a bit torn between it signifying him getting back on his feet + regaining confidence in himself#but like sometimes he's a bit of an unreliable narrator....remember when he was like#hm. the first thing i will do w the prize money is move out and then build another palace but ten times bigger! like oh...kaveh.....#plus he can sometimes be blind (purposefully or not) to what's actually good for him..bc we (and alhaitham LOL) know the significance of#him having a home that's not just a house and how full circle of a moment that is for him#its always interesting to consider that their living situation in itself is this in-between flux moment#though i think kaveh trying his best to escape this “chapter of his life” isn't necessarily the solution.....#i still don't know how tumblr works so if u have to go thru all my yapping in these tags to repost i am so sorry </3#ok thats all thank u for coming to my ted talk
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Snoopy #33
3/11/2024
#peanuts#snoopy#art#33#music#PLEASE LISTEN TO THIS SONG THE CHORUS IS SOOO GOOD!!!!#the visual composition of this piece is kinda ass ngl. like it's just random stuff all over the place but oh well!#wired headphones because i'm a HATER of the wireless headphones revolution that has been going on for the last like 6-8 years or so#anyway i'm obsessed with this song#and it's maybeeee lowkey relevant to my life rn 👀#guy offering me a ride home despite me living out of his way = one of many dominoes in a chain of events that will probably lead to a crush#eventually... if not right now#idk i'm insane and a loser so i could slow burn for years but i am trying not to waste other people's time with my shenanigans anymore#so into another outlet these feelings must go!#how did CRJ manage to capture so perfectly how i felt in the car in 4 simple little lines... megabrained genius behaviour i have to say!#also that car ride home was a few months ago and i didn't discover this song until afterwards (despite this album being 9 years old lol)#so how i felt in the car was Not at all influenced by any pre-existing knowledge of this song#or any desire to shape the events of my life to fit the emotions of the song for the Plot or the Aesthetic or the Narrative or whatever#it just came into my life like a perfectly tailored jacket from a thrift store
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#feel like my relationship with my younger brother is changed completely forever not to be dramatic lol but i am sad#we used to b very close but he has kind of. found his faith again and gone full missionary christian which like. i knew meant the dynamic#was doomed lmao but actually acknowledging it makes me sad i feel like i'm grieving for the friendship we used to have even though#it is literally a me problem i think from his perspective he doesn't think anything has changed. but i feel weird about everything#also his new gf is nineteen and he is. almost 25 and i am the only one who feels weird about it like i know she's over 18 but! idk i can't#tell if i'm being overly cautious or if my gut instinct is right. my sister & her husband have a similar age gap but they met when they wer#both over 30 so like. it didn't feel weird. and i didn't feel comfortable actually seriously talking to him about it apart from the first#time he mentioned her over facetime (he went to another country to do mission stuff & met her there) so like an idiot i've just been#making jokes about the age gap becausee like. thats always been our thing lightly bullying each other lol but he blew up at me and said#i've had nothing positive to say about her since he's been back home and that he thinks i hate her and i'm out of line for constantly#implying he's creepy for dating someone younger. idk i felt like such a freak idiot horrible person about it. it completely blindsided me#bc yes the jokes were coming from a place of idk how i feel about this situation so i'm going to rely on the humour-based communication#we have always fallen back on as a safety thing but i guess i was wrong or the dynamic shifted or something anyway it's all fucked#& everyone is just telling me i feel weird out of some?? misplaced kind of jealousy thing?? because i'm 'losing' my brother to his gf lol#which does not feel right at all he has dated so many other girls and i have never had a problem it is literally the age gap like i haven't#even met this girl i'm sure she's very nice! i just worry about her being nineteen!! jesus. and yes maybe i do feel some resentment around#a brother younger than me who seems to be able to live his life with zero difficulty whilst i'm stuck being this unemployed loser who ruins#literally ever friendship & relationship ive ever had but i think thats ok right like i can't help feeling that. i don't fucking knowwww#am i just projecting all these sad feelings about our friendship dying onto his new relationship or like. am i right to be genuinely#concerned she's six years younger than him and still a fucking teenager!!!!!! i don't know
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exhausted of existing ✌️
#after college I moved back home#mistake but like. no clue what I’m doing with my life.#I got two part time jobs so I was working basically full time#however I was basically let go of the one job a couple of weeks ago#I am starting an internship in January where I will be moving far far away#I thought it was reasonable to expect to just work part-time for a couple of months until I leave for the internship#Wrong. apparently my mother has been furious at me for months because I haven’t had an in-person full-time job#last night we had an hours-long argument that basically boiled down to “you will pay rent to live in my house and be my maid…#or you are kicked out.#thanks mom!! and she has the gall to say that I’m selfish and don’t love her enough.#she’s a narcissistic and conspiracy-theory-believing terf so#anyway. so now I’m stuck doing like quite literally all of the chores around the house AND paying her like at least $500 of rent to her#monthly AND she wants me to get another job for a couple months somehow too.#Yay!!!!!!!!!!!!! I’m so tired of existing in this way.#I never talk about my personal life on here but. I’m just so pissed off at her.
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i think what hits most about nobara's backstory is everything that's left unsaid and peaks from between the lines. it's the fact you can easily infer that something was wrong without ever having clear answers on what exactly was wrong. but if you can relate to the feeling of wanting to escape a place and the alienation from everyone around you, especially when you're brought up in small communities, then you can certainly understand, if not fully then partially, nobara herself and the struggles she might have had to face all by herself for a very long time; maybe even the importance fumi and saori had in her life and the pain from having to part from them; and, perhaps the selectiveness in letting people in that she later on develops as well.
#the way her story is told from fumi's point of view is quite interesting#nobara's backstory is like a silent whisper without a lot of obvious context and told from someone else's perspective#someone who until the end never really understood her fully despite their obvious close bond#someone who we weren't even aware was part of her life#and nobara's peak emotional moment and the last person she thinks as her life is in danger is her and the promise she didn't accomplish#a promise to reunite with the friends that shaped her and her life#ah.#i find her last line so... powerful?#she definitely struggled growing up and the only two people she kept in her heart from her life before jujutsu were people that#moved to where she lived. saori didn't even stay in that place for long. and then she moves somewhere new and she meets people#and a group that actually feels like home a community where she fits in and suddenly they kind of break through making place in her heart#just for everything to come to a halt. to turn to shit. for her to see that shatter away little by little. and in the end she's put in a#position where she knows she will not be able to hold on to what she cares for the most. that she will hurt people that truly cared for her#for not being able to go back to fumi and rekindle the friendship with saori and for being forced to be another punch in the guts for yuuji#and everyone else that up until that point were forced to go through losses already and traumatic events#and she decides to encourage yuuji to go on a good note and she truly believes the people she met made it worth it#even if it was for a brief moment in her life#i am not being coherent right now but it pains me :')#she deserved so much better#and i will hang on tightly to the line saying that she had a small chance of survival until the end#because she deserves it she deserves to live 😭#i'm taking her from that stupid anime and putting her in a slice of life anime watch me#yuuji too. and everyone else. i'm taking the kaisen out of the jujutsu and you can't stop me#jjk spoilers#nobara kugisaki#jujutsu kaisen#jjk 💭#my post
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My life would be so much better and okay if I could just fully accept and make peace with the fact that life will not get better for me and I'm never going to find love.
#I try so hard to go above and beyond at work and life in general#but I just have...nothing to look forward to. no one to come home to. it's killing me.#I would rather die right now than live another year this empty and broken#people tell me I've never sounded happier and never looked better. they have no idea.#I am in agony right now i cannot keep living like this
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yes it's just me whining about the same thing for the billionth time, pls just scroll past nothing new to see here 👋
#i just want to enjoy the summer but i feel like i don't deserve to if i'm not constantly trying to become employed again 😭#''apply for jobs then? problem solved'' uh-huh yes but!! i also hate applying for jobs#job seeking can be so incredibly humiliating#first i have to send them a letter BEGGING to be invited to an interview#and then i have to try and convince them that i am actually competent and good at my job even though you have my cv right there#and then afterwards they call me to tell me they found someone who they liked better than me#(or rather someone who was more competent than me judging by their work history etc.)#it's like ''yes we are hiring but not YOU specifically lol''#like. at school if you take a test you get the grade you deserve based on how you did in the exam.#it's something you can actually directly affect yourself#but if someone who's applying for the same job with me has more work experience or whatever they will get hired over me no matter what i do#(at least that's how it usually works on my field)#in which case it doesn't matter if i do well in the interview or nah. bc the other person was always going to be picked for the job anyway#and yes one could say i can then be satisfied if i did my best but it's little consolation when i'm still unemployed!!#and so every time i apply for a job and get rejected it feels like a personal failure#and to avoid that feeling of failure i want to avoid applying for jobs altogether#so yeah. being active in job seeking is more likely to relieve me from this misery but job seeking is ALSO misery. so 🤷♀️#that on top of the fact i don't even _want_ to apply for all the open positions on my field#but i feel obliged to because it's what i have a degree on. and when i'm unemployed i don't have the luxury to choose which ones i apply fo#i can't afford to be picky#I DON'T DREAM OF LABOUR I JUST NEED MONEY TO LIVE BUT I ALSO DON'T WANT TO DO JUST ANY JOB! I AM NOT STRONG ENOUGH FOR THAT!#i don't want to come home crying from work every day because i hate every single aspect of my life INCLUDING my job 😭#when this semester i actually HAD a job i didn't mind waking up to every morning 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭#it's not fair it's not fair it's not fair#to conclude i don't deserve to enjoy myself in the summer because i'm not doing enough to fix my unemployement situation#(just like i don't deserve to feel sad about being lonely because i don't work hard enough to maintain deep friendships#but that's a crisis for another day! stay tuned ✌️)
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Trying to reset my sleep schedule by staying up for 24 hours and we've passed eepy into 'I'm perfectly fine unless I have to move my body in any way or have any active thoughts' so yeah I fucking wish I could work night shifts again bc my circadian rhythm is just NOT built for early to bed early to rise!!!
#i also bailed going out with the bestie bc that would involve leaving the apartment and being social#I haven't spoked to another human since Christmas and that was just her and her mom#I don't particularly miss it though- I have gone to the library a few times and got Wendy's so there has been human interaction#but I! Hate! Talking to people! it's genuinely so exhausting to have to be 'on' constantly!!#let me just live my life in my home and go amongst the people occasionally without having to do the whole song and dance!#personal
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it sucks that so much of my family has also dealt with cancer but it's really lovely that they were able to give me warnings about things
#a friend of mine just had a computer glitch and lost a bunch of work and i said it sucked and i'm sorry and asked if he could email his prof#and he's i think just really upset about it as i would be too bc that does suck so bad#but i don't have the energy to commiserate. i feel like a steaming pile of shit right now. i only got home 30 minutes ago from the hospital#and i have to go back tomorrow and then spend the rest of the day probably feeling like this while also having to go to another appointment#bc i need to get my earrings changed out so i can take them out for my body scan#and then going home with earl and setting up. and finally getting a bday gift to my friend as well and dropping that off#i feel increasingly gross and sick rn and this was just one injection#but my relatives were like 'listen. no one in your life is going to get this unless they've had cancer. and it sucks but that's how it is'#and i'm just very glad i got that heads up because i'm getting a lot of love and support from relatives now#esp the ones who also dealt with cancer#but it's just been radio silence from friends. and i get it i get they have their own lives and might not know what to say#but it does still hurt a little#i do have one friend who has been lovely and accommodating with the diet i have to be on#but my other best friend is just. i think with his school he has his own friends and his own life but. yeah. it just hurts a little#maybe i'm being irrational idk. something to discuss with my therapist today at our appointment#not everything is about me etc etc#this is the same friend who lost his work that i mentioned in the tags#cancer tw
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the other day we had a dog come in that very clearly did not want to be alive anymore and was completely checked out of existence and wouldn't even walk we had to stretcher it in and out on a towel. anyway the owners main concern was its arthritis ? but he thought carprofen had made the dog "crazy" before....so boss took some rads and labs and said ok you can try librela if you want....coworker and i both felt he did not impress strongly enough upon this man that his dog was literally and obviously dying. so he gave the librela and then the dog died the next day. so then i was overhearing today how he had to report it to the relevant authorities as a possible librela reaction. bad timing as everyone is currently freaking out about librela killing their dogs (btw boss opinion on that is basically that it's been given to so many thousands of animals that there's bound to be such cases where correlation ≠ causation). anyway the moral of the story is please do not force your animals to die of natural causes it is almost never anything but awful.
#i do kind of feel like it was not terribly ethical of him to let that dog leave without having a serious qol discussion#the owner did not seem very concerned at all he was like oh he's getting old! and i was like ha aha yeah#happens to the best of us....your dog is begging for death by the way#he's refunding the guy the cost of the librela for what it's worth but i really don't think that had a single thing to do with it#and i doubt he does either#its labs actually weren't as bad as you might think as far as i could tell. like they weren't great but nothing was off the charts#really depressing though...these ones are some of the worst and i try not to judge people too hard for letting them go too long because#i'm sure it's unbelievably awful and i can't even think about reese getting old and dying without crying lol like there are definitely#things i judge people a lot harder for (if you are feeding raw/won't spay for no good reason/won't vaccinate youre an idiot sorry)#but it is a deeply critical responsibility we have as pet owners#i've been thinking a lot about my childhood cat who my fucking idiot mother declawed to save her stupid furniture and then when he developed#inappropriate urination issues she kicked him outside for the rest of his life and my grandma found him dead on the porch one day#it kills me that she did that even though it's not like i could have done anything#he did surprisingly live to be quite old despite that and hanging out with wild animals (which she knew of and did nothing about) i think#he was at least 15. but i wonder all the time if he died in preventable agony and of course when they're outside the list of horrible ways#to die is basically endless. ok i changed my mind this post has two other morals and they are don't declaw your cats and keep them tf inside#especially with the bird flu....i lowkey worry that i'm going to bring home bird flu and kill my cat horribly. but thats another topic#me
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just going to keep this au tucked into the back of my mind for the rest of the show btw. doctor who if his companions literally would not leave him alone. he keeps getting new companions and they’re just. integrated into the tardis family. bonding over how much they all love this weird pathetic spaceman who has enriched and/or ruined their lives.
#even funnier if the doctor regenerates and tentoo does not so theyre just perpetually stuck with angsty david tennant alongside whatever#doctor is flying the ship at the time#they’ll like. leave and do normal life stuff every once in a while.#the doctor internally going both ‘oh good theyre returning to their lives 🙂’ and ‘THEYRE ABANDONING ME 😭’ because he has issues#and then another companion will hijack the tardis to pick them up again because the doctor is trying to avoid it ‘for their own good’#the doctor tries to leave them all behind when they all go to donna’s wedding and is thwarted by luke smith (also invited to wedding because#donna and sarah jane are friends now and luke eventually starts living parttime on the tardis like sarah jane does (sarah jane i can see#going back home the most. but still never leaving the doctor alone lmao.) and anyway luke got overstimulated at the wedding and hid in the#tardis to calm down (sarah jane told him that was okay 🥺) and then the doctor tries to??? fucking leave everyone??? (<- having a crisis)#and twenty minutes later luke has commandeered the tardis back to the wedding and the doctor is getting an earful from both donna (‘YOU RAN#AWAY FROM MY WEDDING???? MY WEDDING????’) and sarah jane (‘YOU KIDNAPPED MY SON???’)#i got off track here talking about donnas wedding my point was that i think it would be funny if this stupid alien man’s family just keeps#growing and growing and he cant do shit about it.#sometimes the master is also there when she’s on good behavior and she makes fun of him for it soooo much. loser cant keep his humans off#his tardis.#tardis family au
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