#to get up relatively early.’ so i went to bed at 10:30. read for probably 15-20 minutes. was asleep by probably 11:30 at the latest

[fingertipsmp3]

Is anyone else sleeping an abnormal amount at night but still getting tired in the day

[thoughtsonhurtandcomfort]

Alex meets Ari, epilogue

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 |

Content Warnings: demon/incubus character, romance, established relationship, car accident mention, injuries, bruises, arguments, angst, emotional whump, caretaking, consensual kissing and touching, happy ending

Tag List: @deluxewhump @grizzlie70 @gatheringofsuffering @xmonster-under-the-bed @emreads @whumpingmydarlings  @endless-whump​

Author’s Notes: I can’t believe I actually finished something I started!! Once again, thanks so so much to everyone who’s read these. :)

----

Dating Alex is like dating the weather. There are storms and dreary skies, calm overcast days, days of warm sunshine. Getting to know him is like diving into a lake he thinks is shallow only to find unexpected depths of thoughts and feelings, of humor and intelligence. In spite of the relatively mundane life they lead, Arinn finds he is never bored.

All of it is a novelty. Staying with the same person, of course, takes adjustment. Arinn had such a set routine and methodology when it came to finding sustenance that he feels a little lost when it’s gone. But that void is always quickly filled. They binge shows, they try recipes, they take walks. They go to movies and restaurants and, yes, the mummies exhibit and other museums. It’s the closest thing to a normal life Arinn has ever had, yet it feels strange and exciting.

Perhaps the most astounding thing is the lack of pressure to have sex. Before this he was in bed with a new person a couple times a week. Often someone he didn’t particularly like, just to scrounge for the smallest touches to keep himself going. Worse than that, sometimes he would end up discovered, captured and tormented, with no one to help, not like that day Alex found him. The things that were done to him, that he had to bear alone…

But now he only has sex when he actually wants to, and it feels like a small miracle. He enjoys sex well enough, but is more than happy with cuddling, kissing, even lying with his feet across Alex’s lap. And if the kissing gets heated or Alex looks particularly gorgeous that day, well…Arinn certainly isn’t going to complain if they end up in bed.

A little over eight months into dating, Arinn’s lease ends and he moves in. He spends most nights there anyway, but still, it’s a little daunting. But between their jobs and Alex’s therapy and workouts, it doesn’t feel like they’re constantly around each other. Arinn adjusts to it quickly. He can’t deny how incredible it feels to know without a doubt that he won’t go to bed alone each night.

They both work early shifts, starting before dawn and getting home in the early afternoon. So Arinn isn’t prepared at all when Alex comes home telling him he’s going to have to work an evening shift for a couple of weeks.

During the first week, Arinn returns from work only an hour before Alex has to leave to catch the bus. Other than that single hour and when Alex crawls into bed at night, they have no time together. By Friday, Arinn is beyond ready for the weekend. He works Saturday morning, but he doesn’t care. He’s prepared to stay up late just to greedily take in a little extra time with Alex.

“I’ll be home by 10:30,” Alex promises as he gets dressed.

Arinn has the restraint to wait until he’s finished buckling his belt to go over and kiss him. “10:30. I’ll be here.”

Alex’s smile warms him like nothing he’s ever felt. “Good.” He kisses Arinn once, then again, then a third time. He’s contemplating a fourth when Arinn nudges him towards the door.

“Go on,” he says reluctantly. “Have a good day. Night. Whatever.”

Alex laughs as he slips his shoes on. “I’ll try.” And then he’s out the door.

----

10:30 rolls around. Arinn has showered, tidied up the house, and threw together a small meal for Alex to heat up if he’s hungry. Then he plops onto the couch and waits.

At 10:37 he assumes the bus is running late. At 10:49 he wonders if Alex missed the bus and had to catch another. He bounces his leg impatiently and checks his phone every couple minutes in case Alex calls or texts.

He doesn’t.

By 11:00 Arinn is up and pacing. He calls Alex but gets no answer. He leaves voicemails, his voice shaking. He texts him. Where are you? Are you okay? Did work run over? Please answer me.

He said 10:30, Arinn thinks. He said no later than that. He promised. But he isn’t here…

Arinn doesn’t know what to do. He flips between worry and anger and hurt. What if something happened? What if he went out for drinks with coworkers? What if he lied? The possibilities spiral through his mind unchecked.

Then, at 11:43, there’s a key in the lock. It clicks, and the door creaks open.

Alex steps - stumbles - inside and closes the door slowly behind him before leaning back against it with a long sigh.

He looks like hell. His hair is a mess. There’s a bruise on his cheek. His jacket is torn and his clothes are dirty. He’s got one arm draped across his opposite side and he’s breathing raggedly.

Arinn can’t process this. Alex said 10:30, he wasn’t here, Arinn was going out of his mind, and now he shows up looking like this. It’s too much. Before he can stop to think, he explodes.

“Where the hell were you?! It’s been over an hour! Did you get into a fight or something? What the fuck, Alex?”

Arinn is shaking. If he could just stop and think he’d know he isn’t really angry, just shaken. He would see the hurt in Alex’s eyes. He would reach for him with care rather than lash out with accusations.

Alex’s face hardens. He kicks off his shoes and hangs his keys up on the hook.

“Bus crashed,” he mumbles. “Driver had a stroke or something. Ran off the road and rolled onto its side. None of us could leave until we were all looked over by the paramedics and questioned by the police.” He winces as he removes his jacket. “I was lucky I guess. Just some bruising. Got cleared and got a ride here from a cop. Some people left in ambulances.”

Something sinks inside of Arinn. His resolve crumbles and he’s left at a loss for words.

“Why didn’t you call?” he manages weakly. “I would have - have - “

“Have what? Picked me up? We don’t have a car.”

“You still could have told me! Or at least answered my texts!”

“My phone fell out of my pocket!” Alex bursts out. “It’s probably still in the bus being towed halfway across town by now. It’s not like they were going to let me go look for it while they were trying to pry out people who were trapped!”

He begins to walk stiffly toward the kitchen, past Arinn without so much as looking at him. Arinn follows numbly. He watches Alex take a pack of frozen veggies from the freezer and hold it to his side while he leans on the counter for support. His back is to Arinn.

“Fuck...” he whispers. “Alex, I - god, that’s - I don’t know what to say…” Say sorry you idiot! “Thank god you’re alright...I don’t know what I’d do if something happened to you…”

Alex huffs. “Guess you’d have to find a new meal ticket,” he snaps. 

As soon as he says it the room feels colder. Tension hangs over them like a dark cloud. There’s a hesitation from Alex. For a moment it seems like he might speak. Might take it back. But he only sighs and carefully makes his way into the living room. Arinn hears him groan as he sits on the couch. He continues staring at the place where Alex was just standing.

Arinn’s feet are moving before he knows what he’s doing. He throws his shoes and coat on over his pajamas and is out the door.

He hears it slam behind him.

He hears “Ari, wait! Shit - “

He keeps going.

He doesn’t look back.

Arinn is a block from the apartment building before he finally slows down. He can barely see the sidewalk ahead of him through the blur of tears.

I fucked up. I fucked up. It’s over. I fucked up.

He’s angry, but only at himself. If Alex meant what he said it has to be because Arinn screwed up, didn’t show him enough that he cared, wasn’t good enough at communicating. He should have known he was in over his head. That it was too good to last.

“Arinn!”

Arinn stops walking. It can’t be…

He whirls around to find Alex staggering after him. Even in the dim light from the street lamps Arinn can see that he’s struggling to remain standing, let alone walk. Yet here he is.

“What are you doing?” Arinn croaks. “Y-you’re hurt, you need to be resting…”

With considerable effort, Alex catches up to him. He’s panting heavily. Arinn can’t decide if he wants to turn and run or pull Alex into his arms. He does neither.

“I’m - sorry - “ Alex gets out between breaths. “I didn’t mean it. I swear. I was angry - it, it just popped out - “

“I don’t blame you,” Arinn says quietly. “Given what you know about me. But if it means anything, I - I don’t see you that way. As just a - a meal.”

“I know,” Alex says, putting his whole heart into the words. His eyes are shining. He looks desperate and fragile and Arinn just wants to gather him close and make it all okay again.

“I know that,” he says again. “Please believe me. I shouldn’t have said that, it was so stupid. I shouldn’t have yelled at you. I’m sorry.”

“Why are you apologizing?” Arinn asks a little too harshly. He flinches and softens his tone. “I attacked you the minute you walked in the door. After the night you had that’s the last thing you fucking needed. I was just scared.” He puts his face in his hands. “I don’t know what I’m doing, Alex. I don’t know how to do any of this.”

When Alex speaks again he’s a little closer. Just a few feet from Arinn, but still not close enough to touch.

“Me either,” he says. “This is the first time since coming here that I’ve had to actually use the things I’m trying to get better at...it’s like, therapy was just training but this is the real deal. And I’m so scared I’m going to fuck it all up. Like I did tonight.”

“That makes two of us,” Arinn whispers. He lowers his hands and wraps his arms around himself, feeling cold and brittle. “This - us fighting - is what I was most afraid of. I can’t help what I am. If - if it goes wrong, if we spend time apart or - or - “ he can’t bring himself to even say the words break up aloud for fear they will manifest as real. “ - or separate, what am I supposed to do? I can’t just go sleep with someone else if we’re still together, or if it’s unclear! I’m a lot of things but I’m not a cheater. I - I wouldn’t, I couldn’t…”

Alex listens. He always listens. Even when he’s tired or stressed or angry. Even now, when he’s injured and shouldn’t even be out here.

“You’re right,” he says when he’s sure Arinn is finished. “You can’t help who you are. And I won’t ever really understand what that’s like.” He takes a shaky breath. “What if we made some kind of deal or something. Like, if...if it ever comes to that, you can do what you have to do. No questions asked.”

Arinn’s chest feels tight. He’d do that? He’d let me do that? He knows the depth of Alex’s abandonment issues, between parents who were never around and friends and boyfriends who left him when he needed them most.

And yet he’s willing to look past Arinn sleeping with someone else, willing to trust that it’s nothing more than for his survival. It’s an offer that so many others would happily exploit. The amount that Alex is putting his heart on the line is daunting.

“I don’t want that,” Arinn replies, his voice cracking. “I don’t want anyone but you.”

As soon as he says the words he knows that they’re true.

Alex steps a little closer. His expression is indecipherable. His bottom lip is trembling.

“Really?” And oh, the disbelief in his voice is the most heartbreaking thing. Arinn feels a swell of hatred toward every person who made Alex feel like no one could ever want him.

“Yes, really.” Arinn steps a little closer, too. “Alex…”

The next words terrify him. He feels as though he’s hanging off the edge of a cliff, and if he doesn’t make his move, however risky, he’s going to fall to his death. The truth is all he has now. It could ruin everything, or save it.

“Alex, I love you.”

Fragile silence follows, filled only by the soft chirp of crickets, the hum of someone’s television from a house, a train off in the distance.

A car comes up the road. Its headlights illuminate Alex’s face for a moment and Arinn can see the deep sea of emotion in his eyes.

Arinn is tensed so tight he feels like he might snap. He can feel his mind seeking a way out, the walls he’d let down going up -

“I love you too, Ari.”

With those softly spoken words the walls crumble to dust. He stares, dazed, at Alex.

“Don’t say it just because I said it,” he begs. “Don’t say it if you don’t mean it.”

Alex is shaking his head. He’s searching for words.

“No, no - you don’t understand, I-I do. I have. For a while now. But I was scared, I didn’t know where we stood. Or if it was too soon.”

“For...a while?”

“Yeah,” Alex says, hanging his head like a chastised child. “Don’t even know exactly when. I think maybe...I was a little in love with you right from the beginning. Which sounds crazy, I know.” He shrugs. “I’m a little crazy, I guess. And a lot to handle. But I know what I feel. And I love you.”

Arinn starts to speak but chokes on a sob. He throws his hand over his mouth. Tears stream from his eyes as he stares at Alex. Alex loves him. No one has ever loved him. He’s never loved anyone. It’s so much all at once, he can’t even get a word out. His sobs grow harder, everything he’s feeling boiling up and spilling over.

He doesn’t see Alex move closer, but he feels it when Alex’s arm wraps around him. He’s right here, warm and solid and real. He loves me…

Arinn finds himself pulled in by his gravity, leaning closer until he can bury his face in Alex’s shoulder. Alex tips his head to rest against Arinn’s.

“Please come home,” Alex whispers. “Please.”

Something between a hiccup and a laugh bubbles out of Arinn. “Of course I’m fucking coming home,” he says, the words half muffled into Alex’s shirt. He slips his arm around Alex’s uninjured side and holds on desperately. Alex kisses his head. Arinn doesn’t comment on the tears he feels drip into his hair from Alex’s cheek.

They stay like that until Arinn’s sobs cease and Alex’s breathing calms. By then it must be near one in the morning. A chill runs through Alex and his breath hitches as the movement jostles his injuries. The sound finally spurs Arinn into action.

“Come on,” he says, gently easing Alex’s face up. Alex looks like he could fall asleep where he’s standing. Arinn cups his cheek and kisses him deeply. “You’ve had a long day. Let me take care of you.”

Alex nods gratefully. He remains glued to his side, leaning heavily against Arinn as they slowly make the walk back.

----

Arinn’s hands shake as he prepares two cups of tea. In the quiet of the apartment there’s nothing stopping him from turning over the events of the night in his mind.

Tonight things came too close to ending, in more ways than one. If Alex hadn’t followed him he doesn’t know if they could have salvaged things the next day or not. He’s never done this. He doesn’t know when to keep fighting and when to give up. Tonight...tonight he gave up too quickly.

But what has him more shaken is the crash Alex was in. What he said was right: he was lucky. Arinn hates that he’s hurt at all, but it could have been so much worse. He could have been hospitalized, paralyzed, concussed, killed…

Arinn shudders and nearly drops the kettle as he goes to put it back. He stops and takes a few deep breaths to calm himself. He’s okay. He’s okay.

He sets the cups on a tray - a real tray, not the baking pan Alex once brought him breakfast on - and carries them to the bedroom, trying to appear more together than he feels.

Alex is resting on the bed with his eyes closed, breathing softly. When they got back he managed to remain sitting up long enough for Arinn to peel off his ruined clothes and get some boxers onto him, then he flopped back against the pillows with a groan while Arinn maneuvered his legs onto the bed and pulled a sheet up to his waist.

Arinn sets the tray on the bedside table and looks at him. He focuses first on the slow rise and fall of his chest. He’s okay. He’s okay. It’s impossible for his eyes not to wander to the deep bruising that mars Alex’s skin, from the left side of his face trailing down over his shoulder and arm, his chest and ribs and side, fading out at his hip.

It’s a fucking miracle that nothing is broken. Something must have padded his fall somewhat. Arinn tries not to think about it too hard, because if he does, he imagines Alex’s body being tossed like a ragdoll against unforgiving metal and he wants to scream.

“Hey,” he says. He sits at the edge of the bed and strokes Alex’s cheek until his eyes open. As soon as he sees Arinn he presses his cheek into his hand. Arinn smiles. If he didn’t know better, sometimes he’d think Alex was the one who survived on touch.

“Tea’s ready. I have medicine, too. Tomorrow I’ll go get you something stronger but this will have to do for now. And then we can go to sleep.”

Alex nods, blinking slowly. He turns his face and kisses Arinn’s palm. “Thank you…”

“Stop that. You don’t have to thank me.” He reluctantly takes his hand away from Alex’s face. “Can I prop you up a little?”

Alex nods again, reluctantly. He draws in a sharp breath when he tries to sit up a little so Arinn can put another pillow behind him. “Ah...fuck, it hurts…”

“I know...I know, babe…” Arinn gets the pillow back there as quick as he can and then eases Alex gently back against it. He kisses all over his face in praise. “Just think, if it was worse and you went to the hospital, some nurse could be doing this right now.”

Alex chuckles. “Guess you’re my nurse instead.”

“Hmm. I don’t think nurses are supposed to do this to their patients…” he dips in and kisses him. Alex’s eyes slip shut and he sighs as their lips part.

“No, you’re right,” he agrees. “That has to be against some kind of protocol.”

Hearing him joke around lightens the weight in Arinn’s chest. He kisses Alex one more time and then takes his teacup from the tray and holds it up for him. “Here…good arm only, remember.”

Alex takes the cup with his right hand and takes a sip. He hums with approval.

“This is good.”

“This is how tea is supposed to taste when you don’t over steep it,” Arinn teases gently.

“Guess you’re making the tea from now on.”

“Gladly.”

While Alex sips at his drink Arinn looks through the things he pulled from the medicine cabinet. There are a couple different varieties of pain pills and some sort of bruise relief gel he’s never heard of.

“That’s for work injuries,” Alex says when he notices Arinn holding the bottle. “Doesn’t happen often but sometimes I drop something on my foot or lose my footing and fall. A coworker recommended it. It does help. I’m not sure I’ll be able to move enough to put it on, though…”

“Who said anything about you putting it on?” Arinn turns the bottle over to read the back. “You aren’t moving an inch. I’m taking care of you.”

When Alex doesn’t answer he looks up. His breath catches when he sees the open fondness on Alex’s face.

“What?”

“Nothing...I’m just...really lucky.”

Arinn feels his cheeks heating and he can’t do a damn thing about it. “Well...I am your nurse, right?”

“Mmhmm. My hot nurse.” Alex winks suggestively. In his weariness the gesture is clumsy, but it still makes Arinn’s blush deepen.

“Good lord, you’re already loopy and you haven’t even taken the pain meds yet.” Arinn pops open the bottle and puts a pill in his hand.

Alex reaches for it, but Arinn decides it’s only fair to turn the tables a little. He shakes his head and holds the pill up. Alex’s eyes follow it as Arinn slips it onto his own tongue.

His brow pinches. “What are you - oh - “

Arinn leans forward and kisses Alex slowly. As he does, he slips the pill into his mouth. When he pulls back, Alex is the one blushing.

He fumbles a little with the tea cup and drinks down the last of it, swallowing the pill. He lets out a shaky breath when he’s finished. “Holy shit Ari, you can’t just do things like that. I’m too banged up to - to - “

“To bang?”

Arinn grins. Alex groans, but he’s smiling. “You’re worse than I am.”

“And yet, you love me.” The words are still as foreign on his tongue as they are in his mind.

Alex’s expression turns soft, almost shy. He takes Arinn’s hand and squeezes it. “Yeah. I do.”

Arinn could drown in that deep gaze. To stay afloat he busies himself with opening the bottle of gel and squeezing some out into his hand.

“Alright. Last bit and then you can go to bed.” His hands hover over Alex’s heated skin. He chews his lip. “I don’t want to hurt you…”

“It’ll only hurt at first,” Alex reassures him. “Then it’ll help.”

“Yeah. Yeah, you’re right. Okay…”

He starts small, rubbing a tiny bit of the gel onto Alex’s bruised cheek. That goes fine. He rubs it onto his arm and shoulder as carefully as he can and Alex barely flinches.

The bruising on his side is the worst of it, though, and Arinn dreads it. But that’s also where he needs this the most.

Arinn gets some more gel onto his palms. Slowly, gently, he smooths it over the tender skin, flinching himself every time Alex makes a pained sound. “Hang in there…” He makes sure he’s covered every inch before finally moving down to his hip. When he’s done he presses an apologetic kiss to Alex’s chest. “All done…”

Alex breathes a sigh of relief. “Thank you…” He closes his eyes as Arinn continues trailing comforting kisses up his neck and cheek, avoiding the bruised side.

When Alex’s breathing has evened out, Arinn gathers everything onto the tray and brings it to the kitchen to deal with tomorrow. He makes sure the door is locked, shuts off the lights, and then finally slips into bed beside Alex.

He lies there a while staring at Alex’s silhouette in the darkened room. Alex is so still, his breaths so slow, that Arinn assumes he must be sleeping. So it’s a surprise when his eyes open and he turns his head to meet Arinn’s gaze.

“You’re too far away,” he mumbles sleepily.

Arinn exhales. “I can’t exactly sprawl on top of you right now,” he whispers back.

“Then just…” he pats the small but notable empty space between them.

How can he not give in? At least it’s Alex’s uninjured side. He presses up close to him and holds his arm like a child holding a stuffed animal. “Better?”

“Better.”

After another stretch of silence, Arinn can’t help himself. “...Alex?”

“Yeah?”

“I can’t...can’t stop thinking about how it could have been so much worse…”

His tail curls over his hip, brushing against Alex’s hand where it lies on the bed. Alex cradles it and strokes it with his thumb.

“But it wasn’t. I’m right here, Ari.”

“But if you weren’t...if you hadn’t made it...you never would have known...” he nearly chokes on the whispered words.

“Known?”

“That I love you.”

“...neither would you,” Alex replies.

Arinn holds his arm a little tighter. He hadn’t thought of it the other way around, but Alex is right. In their fear and insecurity they both held in something the other desperately needed to hear.

“But now - “ Alex’s words are broken by a big yawn. “ - now we know…”

Arinn kisses his shoulder, overwhelmed with relief, gratitude, and love. “Yeah. Yeah, we do.” He kisses again and again, each one slower and sleepier than the last. “Get some rest,” he whispers against his skin. “I’ll be here in the morning.”

And the morning after that...and the next, and the next...

...and every morning after, for as long as you want.

-- The End --

[theycallmebecca]

February Ice Storm

It just occurred to me that I hadn’t really told you guys about the experience I had back in February with the ice storm that nailed us and knocked out power for us for 3 days but people in my city for up to 10 days.

Originally, I had planned to turn it into a drabble and I actually started it, but it wasn’t exactly something I wanted to revisit. Mentally, I wasn’t in a good place thanks to anxiety and an emotional rollercoaster of what’s going to happen.

I know I shared bits and pieces of what had gone down, but this a more in-depth account of my experience from the ice storm that hit Oregon Valentine’s weekend of this year.

Let me preface this by saying that we knew that we were going to get an ice storm... but it was the worst ice storm we’ve had in a long time. And it did an astonishing amount of damage that we are still trying to recover from a month and a half later. Driving around, it looked like a tornado had ripped through and knocked down trees randomly. With as many trees that fell, it’s shocking how many didn’t.

The storm hit Friday night, February 12th, and it was just cold. Then about 3 am, the power went out. I know this because that’s when I suddenly found myself in the complete dark (no alarm clock, etc.) I didn’t think much of it and went back to sleep.

I was rudely awaken a few hours later by the sound of trees cracking and crashing to the ground. Let me tell you, that is a terrifying experience.

Knowing I still didn’t have power, I put on multiple layers and tried to make myself comfortable. However, by this time, it had started to warm up so there was lots of trees cracking all around me. Which was great for my anxiety.

Neither was the fact that the power outage had taken out the cell phone networks in my area. More on that in a moment.

Then I heard some neighbors outside, so I went out to talk to them and saw that a large limb from the pine tree by my building, was practically laying on my car. Some guys walking past, assured me that it was just on my car and not in my car.

It was cold, so I went back inside and tried to distract myself. But my main source of distraction, aka my phone, wasn’t really an option to me. And I could not access any of the music I would normally use to help myself relax when my anxiety is acting up.

I finally found a place in my apartment where I got good reception... by the sliding glass door that over looks the backyard where one tree had already uprooted itself and where more trees could easily come crashing down.

Anxiety is being amazing at this point. I’m sure you can tell.

Especially when on top of the trees cracking... I got the beautiful thunking of ice dropping out of trees as it warmed up. And we’re talking like chunks of ice as big as baseballs!

It was about that time that I heard a crack that was too close for comfort and knew, without a shadow of a doubt that the limb had broken and it was on my car. Two steps out my front door confirmed my fear, but when I tried to go see how bad it was, I heard the cracking of limbs and had to run back to the safety of my apartment as more limbs and ice baseballs dropped.

I was able to text my parents and asked if someone could try and come get me. They live parallel to me across two major roads, so it wouldn’t be a long trip if they could make it a little later once it had warmed up some more.

While I waited, I packed some stuff and tried to read, but it honestly was just too much.

And as annoying and little brother like as my brother-in-law can be, I have never been so happy to see him as I was that day when he and my mom showed up to get me.

By that time, I was flinching at every little noise that seemed to echo through my small apartment. And it was just becoming way too much. Even as I write this, the memory of that morning has me crying because I was too scared to cry on that day.

While he was waiting for me, my brother in law looked at my car and saw that the branches were resting on it, but the car looked ok.

The short drive to my parents house was shocking with the number of trees and power lines that were down. Also shocking was how many trees that didn’t land on houses. We did see a couple of cars smashed by trees though. And street lights were out every where.

I was very happy when we got to my parents house which is bigger than the building with 8 apartments that I live in. Their backyard is full of pine trees and they had lost a lot of limbs and stuff, but with everyone else there, you couldn’t hear the noises that had ramped up my anxiety.

Once I was there, the rest of the day passed relatively easy. I was with my family and that helped calm my anxiety because I knew I was in a safe place. We ordered pizza from a place that still had power. My brother in law built fires my parents fire places and my mom and I played dominos by flashlight. I also got some reading done.

Then I slept in my parents guest room... and the bed isn’t comfortable and the house was probably in the 45F range.

Sunday morning aka Valentine’s Day was warmer than the day before and my mom and I drove to my apartment to see what we could do about the limb on my car... only to find that someone had already pulled it off and chopped it up. We confirmed that my car was ok and the only damage to it was that my $5 license plate frame had been broken and the corner of my license plate was bent.

After that, we drove out to a grocery store that had power for some food, more logs for the fireplace and coffee... that my mom had to stand in line for 20+ mins to get.

When we got back to their house, we found a flurry of activity happening as my parents next door neighbor had rented a giant generator the day before to keep his house going and offered to let us plug some extension cords in so we could charge stuff, use small appliances and use a small heater.

So our Sunday afternoon was spent with our phones plugged in and a small space heater barely keeping us warm. But it was an improvement from the day before.

Then my uncle showed up. He’s been going back and forth between living with his ex girlfriend and living with my parents. With him at my parents house and knowing that my own apartment was still above 50F and therefore warmer than my parents house, I opted to sleep in my own bed that night.

So after getting pizza for dinner again (🤢) my mom dropped me off at my apartment for a cool night.

I started in my living room knowing that my back wouldn’t like 10+ hours in my bed and I actually got some light from a lamp by plugging it into my computer’s battery backup, which really did raise my spirits a bit.

But eventually I ended up in my room with the door closed, knowing I’d be able to lock in more heat that way. And it did work... but it was still a long night.

Because of no power and the fact that I’ve been working from home since March 2020, I told my boss I was taking the day off. At that time, the power company still still quoting power back on Monday. For me, they were even saying early Monday.

But my apartment was still cold and dark when I woke up. Which meant I cleaned out my fridge and freezer and then took my laundry out to the laundromat by my mom’s office that had power and heat.

So I took care of my laundry and then was going to head back to my parents, until I decided to see if Office Depot had any sales going on with laptops. And I ended up driving across town to buy one in case I needed to find some place to work other than my apartment for a couple days.

After that, I went to my parents house and watched a movie with my niece while power crews worked outside. I was still hoping they’d be able to get the power and internet back up so I wouldn’t have to drive to work Tuesday, but it wasn’t looking good.

By 5:30, I knew even if the power did some how come back on, I was still going to be without internet, so I left my parents and went to the grocery store for things to make a lunch that didn’t require a fridge since I still didn’t have that. And they were operating on their backup generators and actually stopped letting people into the store as I was checking out.

That evening, I played on my new laptop a bit and chatted with friends since my cell network was almost back up to speed, but I was in bed when the power came back on around 10 pm. And you sure as hell know I got out of bed and turned on every light switch just because I could!

I slept much better than night and did end up going into the office the next day for a partial day, but when I got home I had internet again.

For me and my family, we were without power for some 56 hours or so. But we had family friends and coworkers who went a good 10 days without power.

We don’t get storms like this and we were not prepared for it to be as bad as it was.

But the biggest take away for me is now necessarily how dependent I am on technology to entertain me... but for how to help me get through a rough situation.

Other than seeing a few members of my family once a week, I’ve been relatively on my own for the last year. And it’s been my “pocket friends” that have been my saving grace, my connection with the outside world. They’re the people that I turn to when I’m having a problem. And I was almost completely cut off from them for two whole days.

Add to that the rain storms and other anxiety reducing sounds that I’ve come to depend on. With the networks down, I couldn’t access any of those coping tools either.

My anxiety was the worst that Saturday morning than it has been in a long time. But by Monday evening, I was so tired emotionally and physically that I was just a mess. The roller coaster of the unknown was the worst part. You could make plans... but without power, there were things you just couldn’t do.

All in all, it was a once in a life time experience. As in, I don’t want to experience it again. Ever.

I think it will be a long time before a power outage doesn’t trigger anxiety within me. Because this last one was rough.

And now that I’ve relived this all in hopes that it might help me recover a little from what happened, it’s time for me to try and get some sleep. Probably shouldn’t have written this at night.. but oh well.

[terramythos]

TerraMythos 2021 Reading Challenge - Book 12 of 26

Title: A Wizard of Earthsea (Earthsea Cycle #1) (1968)

Author: Ursula K. Le Guin

Genre/Tags: Fantasy, Young Adult, Third-Person

Rating: 8/10

Date Began: 5/6/2021

Date Finished: 5/12/2021

Ged is a talented young magician with incredible potential-- possibly greater than any before him. He sets off to join the wizarding School of Roke, and quickly surpasses all of his peers. But in an act of arrogance, Ged tries to bring back the dead to impress a rival student. He unleashes a malevolent shadow upon the world, leaving him traumatized and permanently scarred. 

Soon Ged finds himself hunted by the shadow wherever he goes. None of his magic seems to work on it. Worse, he lives in fear that if the dark creature overtakes him, it will use his body as a weapon to harm others. Ged journeys from island to island in an attempt to find the solution and banish the shadow once and for all. 

Only in silence the word, only in dark the light,  only in dying life:  bright the hawk’s flight  on the empty sky. 

Content warnings and some spoilers below the cut. 

Content warnings for the book: Violence and death, including child death and animal death. Traumatic injury. 

As a fiction writer, Ursula K. Le Guin is best known for her Earthsea series, but I haven’t read them until now. She had a big impact on my childhood via a series of picture books called Catwings (they're... about a family of cats who can fly). As an adult, I’ve grown more intrigued as I've learned about Le Guin’s philosophies, especially anticapitalism. I read her famous horror story The Ones Who Walk Away From Omelas last year and found it unsettling and thought-provoking. So I decided to read some of her longer works! And, of course, speculative fiction is always the way to my heart. My wonderful sister gave me the first four books of Earthsea for the holidays last year, and I’m finally getting the chance to read them. 

Overall I had a good time with A Wizard of Earthsea. It’s structured differently than a lot of fantasy novels I’ve read. While there is a big overarching plot, the individual chapters usually have their own complete story arc. It’s the type of book where you can read one chapter before bed and feel like you got a whole story; each part advances the main narrative while also providing a complete side adventure. 

There’s a lot of travel in A Wizard of Earthsea due to the setting. Earthsea is a giant, possibly world-spanning archipelago, meaning there’s a ton of islands, each of which has its own way of life. The conflict naturally has Ged travel from island to island and interact with various peoples and creatures. The closest comparison I can think of is The Odyssey, and I’d be shocked if Le Guin didn’t draw inspiration from that. Both stories involve the protagonist traveling by sea and meeting a variety of characters and mythological creatures through smaller, discrete conflicts and interactions. Usually I find long travel sequences boring, but in this case they were one of my favorite parts of the book. There’s always a sense of anticipation on where Ged’s journey will take him next. 

The magic system is also is pretty cool. The idea is that all parts of nature, from humans to goats to oceans, have hidden “true” names. Knowing something (or someone’s) true name gives one power over it (or them). Thus wizards use true names to manipulate nature; giving another person your true name is an act of absolute trust and devotion. However, a big theme of the book is equilibrium. One must always be aware of potential consequences when using magic. Changing the wind in one part of the world could cause a devastating storm one island over. Sort of a butterfly effect type thing. 

Even though violence is one of my content warnings, I’m impressed that Le Guin largely circumvents it in the story. In many fantasy stories, a wizard/mage character uses their magic to fight and crush their foes. Not so much in this novel. While Ged clashes with various entities through the story, he usually just outsmarts them. Thus his showdown with a big, fuck-off dragon boils down to Ged guessing its true name and telling it to leave. Antagonists are usually the ones instigating violence. 

One thing I found odd about the pacing of the book is it slowed down a lot in the last few chapters. There’s a big action sequence with serious consequences around the novel’s midpoint, but everything after that is slower and more reflective. On a surface reading level, I’m not sure I liked this. I’m used to stories ramping up the tension more and more until the end. However, I did like the climax itself, when Ged reveals the shadow’s true name. The central moral of the novel is that one needs to accept everything about themselves, including their past mistakes. Everyone has a dark side, which ties into the central theme of balance, and even the opening poem of the novel (which I used as the excerpt for this review). It’s a pretty universal idea, but Le Guin presents it in a thematically satisfying way. 

I tagged this as a Young Adult novel because Le Guin wrote it for a teenage audience. YA didn’t exist as its own genre at the time, but A Wizard of Earthsea is a coming of age story (a staple of YA), and even has a moral message of sorts at the end. However, sometimes it’s really obvious that it’s intended for a younger audience. As I get older, I’ve noticed that YA tends to be pretty blunt about its meaning and symbolism in a way adult novels aren’t. For example, while pursuing the shadow, Ged gets lost in a mysterious fogbank. To me this was a clear callback to the first chapter, where Ged outsmarts a band of barbarians by trapping them in a fog. But Le Guin also made sure to tell me several pages later, in case I missed the parallel. I’m torn on this when reading YA. While I’m not the intended audience, I feel this approach underestimates teenagers’ ability to critically examine a text. But YA teaches many how to view things that way, so I see why authors do it. Teens aren’t a monolith, but it is interesting to see this tendency to over-explain in a novel from 50+ years ago. 

A Wizard of Earthsea is surprisingly progressive in many respects. Perhaps the most obvious is race. Ged and most of the main cast are explicitly nonwhite and described as such in the text. This isn’t a huge revelation in 2021, but it’s amazing to see something like that in a mainstream fantasy novel from 1968. Apparently Le Guin struggled with publishers for a long time, as many early covers whitewashed Ged for the sake of “sales” until she gained more creative control. And the (shitty) film/TV adaptations of Earthsea are just as guilty. I went through a LOT of covers while researching this book, and even newer editions often opt for heavily stylized art, nonhuman subjects, etc. The cover I chose is from 1984, when Le Guin presumably had more influence on Ged’s portrayal. I’m interested to see how past book covers stack up when I deep dive on the other books. 

However, I found the book to be not so progressive when it came to gender roles (I know, I wasn’t expecting that either). Le Guin makes it very clear that all the famous and powerful wizards/mages in Earthsea are dudes. The wizard school toward the beginning is all dudes. All the adventurers and sailors in the story are dudes. Ged himself makes some pretty sexist comments (though to be fair, that was pre-character development). There are relatively few female characters in the story, and many are either bit parts or (in one case) a seductive, power-hungry villain. Portraying sexism in a fantasy setting isn’t an inherently bad thing. Jemisin’s Dreamblood duology, which I read earlier this year, introduced stringent gender roles in order to explore the insidious nature of misogyny. But A Wizard of Earthsea doesn’t really go beneath the surface level. Yarrow is probably the most well-written female character in the story, and she only shows up in the last few chapters. Again, I’m interested to see how Le Guin handles this in later entries; the next book stars a female protagonist and Ged’s the deuteragonist. 

I liked A Wizard of Earthsea overall, and I think it serves as a good introduction to both the series and a central recurring character. While I have some criticisms of the first book, I do realize it’s a relatively early work of Le Guin’s. The last novel in this series was published in 2001, so I’m interested to see how the characters and writing changed over 30+ years. 

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #357

“your magic white rabbit has left its writing on the wall  /  we follow like alice, and just keep diving down the hole”

Are you better at telling stories or writing them? Writing, by a long shot. What’s one song you hate, but know every word to? i'm a barbie girl in a fckn barbie woooooorld What’s your favorite magazine? I don’t read magazines. If you could be an animal for one day, which animal would you choose? Probably a house cat. Be indoors and safe, able to just nap... lol. But I'd want another cat as a friend, too! Do you prefer outdoor or indoor concerts/events? Indoors, by a mile. I get hot outside way too easily. Do you know if you were a planned child? I don't know. What’s your favorite gem? Dragon's breath opal. As an adult, do you want to live in an apartment or a house? I'd like to live in a house, especially with the pets I want. I doubt many apartment complexes would allow multiple reptiles and inverts. Do you like the stem or leafy part of the broccoli? It doesn't matter much to me, but I prefer the stem. The texture is more likeable to me. Do bats frighten you? No, I adore bats! Does Paris appeal to you? Yeah, it's a pretty place. Are you a KPOP fan? No, I've never really checked it out. How long was your longest relationship? Over three and a half years. First time you kissed the last person you kissed? We were outside roasting marshmallows one night. Do you have to really know someone to kiss them? Absolutely. I don't dish 'em out for nothing. Were you anyone’s first kiss? No. If you had to be named after one of the 50 states of America, what state would you WANT to be named after? I actually think "Nevada" would be kinda pretty as a name? Do you think morals are universal or relative to the beliefs, traditions, or practices of individuals or groups? I've wondered this for a long while, really. I lean towards it being a mix, maybe? But more towards universal, I think... with some exceptions. This answer is all over the place, I honestly don't know. Is torture ever a good option? If no, why not? If yes, when? No? I think the "why not" is obvious... You just don't. What do you think is one one of the most undervalued professions right now? Teachers, garbagemen, retail and food workers... There's a lot. Have you ever seen anyone have a heart attack? Thank Christ no. Have you personalized your answering machine/voicemail? No. Have you ever had Fiji brand water? I actually don't believe I have, though it's always looked appealing to me, haha. What’s your favorite horror movie? The Crazies and the first Silent Hill, as well as both Blair Witch Projects. What was the worst thing a friend has either done or said to you? I'd rather not even think about things the bitch said to me. Are you biracial? No. When was the last time you got mad and broke something? I've never broken something when mad. What color dress did you wear to prom? My first was maroon, second one was black. Who is the cutest baby you know? My friend has a daughter named Scarlett who is absolutely gorgeous. Have you ever thrown a rock at a window? No, because I respect people's fucking property. Has anyone ever thrown a rock at your window? No. Does your hair react well to dye, or does it damage it? It likes to not take dye at all. >.> I have only had one instance where a friend dyed it red and it stuck for months and months, but we kept it in for a couple hours, I think. My normal hairdresser says it's because my hair is really healthy and I guess rejects it. What kind of pet do you wish you had? I ramble plenty about how I want tarantulas and more reptiles, haha. I also DESPERATELY want to rescue or foster an opossum. When was the last time you were diagnosed with something? Are you concerned about anything regarding your physical or mental health at the moment? I haven't been diagnosed with anything in quite some time, I believe, but as I'm going through the process of being approved for TMS therapy for my depression, my bipolar diagnosis is being questioned, which is... strange to me. It's been acknowledged by many a doctor that I have bipolar 2, but if insurance recognizes my primary diagnosis as bipolar, they won't cover TMS because it can massively excite the mania portion of bipolarity, and therefore I can't do it because we can't manually afford it. I'm willing to take the risk by far, as I've never had issues with mania, but I can't without insurance. I'm just waiting to hear back from them... What is one blanket judgment you tend to make about people (like, you judge all people who live at home, all people who drink, etc)? Does this judgment come from a particular personal experience? I really don't know. How do you react to other people yelling or slamming doors? Is this something you ever do too? I get very scared if it's a man. I don't like anyone doing it, and my anxiety will spike regardless, I'm just terrified of angry men. Have you ever lost your cool at work or somewhere else important? What happened as a result? No. Who has the power to break you? Jason still might. I don't know. Is anyone in your family blind? My sister is legally blind in one eye. Do you believe in evolution? Yeah. I do find the concept odd, that ALL LIFE originated from one thing, but I sure ain't got a better explanation, so. What job do you think people should be paid the most for? Surgeons, maybe? I dunno, that's a big question. Were you ever held back a year in school? Did you ever skip a grade? No. Have you ever been given a hickey? Have you given one? Yeah to both. What is your least favourite thing about your full name? I have the most basic white bitch middle name in the world, lol. Do you like the age you are? Eh, I don't mind it much, but I think it'd be better to be in my early 20s versus mid 20s. I'm just always so tired now. I can't believe I used to refuse to go to sleep before 10:30. What’s your favourite kind of poptart? The chocolate sundae one. If you had to eat one type (Chinese, etc.) of food which would it be? American bc I'm not very adventurous with food at all. When did your family immigrate to wherever you live now? *shrug* Are your fingers long, or short? Long. Mom's always said I have "piano fingers." Do you play Pokemon Go? If so, what level are you and who’s your buddy? Yeah, I love it, but don't play it nearly as much as I want because I don't exactly go anywhere, lol. My bud's Charmeleon, and I'm probably like five EXP from level 28. Do you ever sit indoors and wear sunglasses or a hat? I don't own either, so. Do you know how to read animals’ behavior? I honestly think I'm very good at it. Do you like playing video games? If so, what do you usually play? Yes, but not as much as I used to. All I really play nowadays is World of Warcraft. The only working console I have is a PS2, and I haven't bought a new game in probably a couple years, but there are definitely ones I want to play, mainly on PS4. Just can't afford it right now. Have you ever viewed the moon through a telescope? No. Do you know how to properly eat food with chopsticks? No. There's no way I could, given my tremors. Do you prefer reading books, comic books, manga/graphic novels, magazines, or the newspaper? Books. When is the last time you ate donuts? It's been months, man. I've seriously been craving a glazed one, though. Krispy Kreme sounds amaaaaaziiiiiing. Has anyone ever called you sexy? Somehow. Do you like raisins? NO NO NO NO NO. Have you ever overheard a conversation you weren’t supposed to? More than once. Do you like ants? They're genuinely extremely fascinating animals, but they're seriously annoying nevertheless. Did you like the movie Antz? I loved it as a kid. What was your favorite ice cream flavor when you were little? Chocolate. Is it still your favorite? Eh, depends on the day. By the way, what is your name? Brittany. What time zone do you live in? EST. Do you like cats? I love cats. What’s the most creepy experience you’ve ever had? One night when my mom and sister were at the beach for a dance competition, I was having trouble sleeping, and it only got worse when my dog Teddy started freaking the fuck out, barking loudly and staring intently at the foot of the bed. I was so scared that I tried to force his head to lie down, but he fought against me. I was terrified, but got up out of the bed and went into the living room to call my mom at like 3 in the damn morning, and she had to have our neighbor come over to sleep in the house with me (I was in a different room that night). You can't convince me that there wasn't paranormal shit going on. I think the house was haunted honestly, for multiple reasons. What’s the most boring game to exist? Why do you dislike it so much? Hm, I dunno. What’s the coolest place that you've ever been to? What’d you do there? Disney World was very memorable as a kid. We just went around collecting signatures, going on rides, all that fun stuff. I'll never forget fireworks at the castle. If you’re interested in having a long-term relationship with someone, do you think that waiting a certain amount of time before you first have sex is a good idea? Or does it not matter? I think it's a good idea, personally, mostly for the sake of reducing the spread of STDs. Just because you think you'll be long-term, doesn't mean you will be. Besides that, isn't there a science that sex and feelings of love are connected? Like, sex is impossible without at least some underlying emotions? I might be entirely wrong, in which case forgive me for spreading misinformation, but if that's so and things don't go as planned, you've gotten emotionally invested in someone too early and wind up getting hurt. You do you, I just don't think it's smart. Have you ever discovered something big by looking through someone’s phone, Facebook, email, etc.? No. Have you kept anything from your past relationships? (Things they left at your house, gifts, notes, etc) Do you think that’s a big deal for future relationships or not? Yeah, like plushies and little stuff like that. When it's tiny things like I just mentioned, I really don't think it matters. I think some things might be questionable to keep, but at the same time, I don't think it's really wrong to keep memories of a happy time, if the thing still brings you joy and has been emotionally disconnected from the ex? Idk. Do you have any financial regrets? Either way, what’s an example of a GOOD financial decision you’ve made? Going to and dropping out of college three fucking times. I don't know about a good financial decision seeing as I'm not even in charge of my own finances, nor really have any to begin with. Are you a believer in “signs” from the Universe about things in your life? If you are, can you think of a particular example? No. Name some things that one or both of your parents are really good at or really interested in. Mom LOVES medical stuff, like watching surgeries and stuff like that. She is also absolutely incredible with children. Dad likes sports a lot, hockey and football especially. Think of a good friend of the opposite sex (currently or in the past). Have you ever had any sort of “more than a friend” or sexual thoughts about them? If not, can you explain why? Well, we dated briefly, so... It was awkward to, but I let myself imagine sexual situations a few times to help myself understand if I really did like-like him, or if he was truly just a brother to me. Turns out, he's a bro. If someone told you that you would never achieve something and you ended up doing it, would you have any interest in finding that person and showing them? I'ma be honest, yes. I wouldn't actively seek them out, but rather just hope they somehow find out or I run into them or something. What is the most jealousy-induced thing you’ve ever done? Apparently, be the girl Juan liked instead of this girl that literally threatened to deck me. Guess what? We're friends now lmaoooo.

[kurtstinypurse]

30 Klaine Headcanons Asked & Answered!

thanks for the request, @yas5416!

this is really long, but I’d like to think it’s a good time. I’m answering for my idea of present-day Klaine unless otherwise specified. great mix of SFW & NSFW headcanon prompts below the cut!

pls reply w any opinions on these!!

list is rebloggable here

SFW

1. Who cooks?

They both enjoy cooking and work well together in the kitchen. Kurt’s a stress baker, and he likes to try new recipes to challenge himself when he has the time, but Blaine is the one that throws together easy weeknight meals, and he also likes to pack Kurt a lunch when he has extra time in the mornings.

2. Who’s the messiest? The cleanest?

Blaine’s a pretty clean guy, thanks to his private school upbringing. Kurt’s not messy, per se, but he is a bit more cluttered because he has more stuff. Kurt loves to organize, though, and he goes on organize binges every couple months when he’s stressed. He probably got really into the KonMarie thing, but didn’t really keep up with it. Kurt’s also a messier eater, growing up with Burt. Adding Finn into the mix, he quickly learned to eat fast if he wanted to get his fair share at the dinner table. Blaine’s a really neat eater, especially after moving past the cronut/cheese puff incident. 

3. Who fixes the vehicle after a breakdown?

Kurt, of course! He picked up a lot of car knowledge and has a pretty varied skillset thanks to growing up in his dad’s shop. He loves doing it, too. Especially because it turns Blaine on.

4. Living space has a leak! Who fixes it?

They bicker. Blaine tries. Kurt calls the landlord.

5. Who buys the groceries?

They go together. They make it a point to spend every Monday together, since it’s their dark night each week, and that includes grocery shopping. They make a little date out of it, probably get brunch beforehand or find a farmers market. 

6. Going out to eat: Who pays? Who orders the most food? And who has dessert?

In high school, Blaine liked to pay for their dates. He ordered more food, but Kurt almost always went for something lighter to save room for cheesecake. Nowadays, their money all comes from the same place, anyway, but everything else still stands...but with a little less cheesecake, because Kurt’s metabolism ain’t what it used to be.

7. Would they go to the beach?

Blaine has definitely dragged Kurt to the beach for a weekend trip. Kurt grumbled about sunburn and sunscreen and skin damage the whole time, but he got to see Blaine tanned and shirtless, and he got to feel Blaine’s skin warm from the sun under his fingertips, so...

8. Who knows how to swim? Who doesn’t?

They both know how, but neither get the opportunity very frequently. When Blaine has the chance, he likes to swim for exercise. Kurt’s more of a floater.

9. Is someone multilingual? Do they try to teach another language to the other? How does it go?

Neither of them are fluent in another language, but Kurt knows a good bit of French, and Blaine’s absorbed some Tagalog from relatives, though he can understand it much better than speak it himself. Kurt has tried to teach Blaine a bit of French, but somehow they always end up distracted...

10. Any pets? Or plants?

Kurt is a cat person, and Blaine is a dog person, so they compromise and get one of each. Kurt insisted on a low-shed, hypoallergenic dog, but somehow he doesn’t seem to mind it if the cat sheds. Blaine likes to take the dog for runs in Central Park.

11. Baths or showers? Together or separate? Any bubbles or bubble fights?

They really like bathing and showering together when they have the time, but it’s more intimate than sexual for them, and it’s kind of a rare occasion because they like to take their time. They’ve tried shower sex, but they never really got the hang of it because it’s overrated, anyway. But they both really enjoy washing one another’s hair and taking care of each other. Blaine will surprise Kurt with a bath when Kurt’s working late, and sometimes Blaine will join him. Lots of bubbles.

12. Can they stand silence? Who talks the most? Who talks the least?

In the early days, they were almost never quiet. They had so much to talk about. But as their relationship became more intimate, they both learned together to appreciate the beauty in silence and the closeness it can offer. Nowadays, they co-exist a lot, Kurt on his laptop and Blaine reading a book in the same room, or Blaine quietly playing piano while Kurt sketches new designs. They both talk a lot when they’re excited or passionate about something, and if one is excited about something, the other gets excited, too. 

13. Who stays up late? Who sleeps the most? Does the other have to force them to sleep/wake up?

Kurt tends to be an early riser, but Blaine likes to sleep in when he can. Blaine still tries to wake up early and make Kurt breakfast in bed every once in awhile, but he rarely succeeds in waking up first. On their days off, when they don’t have anywhere to go, Blaine’s a total koala and wants to cuddle all morning, so Kurt has to drag him out of bed. Eventually.

14. Who is the highest maintenance? Does the other mind?

They’re both high maintenance in their own ways, so neither really minds. Kurt is picky about the sort of food and products they buy, and he can be pretty short with Blaine when he’s stressed. Blaine’s the more high maintenance one when it comes to their relationship, though. He needs a little extra validation, a little extra love, but once they got married, Kurt finally understood what Blaine needed. He makes it a point to be affectionate in small ways, like frequent little touches and extra words of affirmation when Blaine’s stressed, too. 

15. Vacation ideas: who decides them? Where would they go, if anywhere?

They don’t have much time to travel, and they typically use their few vacation days to visit Burt and Carole in Ohio. When they do have the time, though, Blaine likes to pick out spots for weekend trips, and then Kurt will plan the details. I can really see them spending a weekend or two in a cabin in Maine. They’ve got a bucket list mega-European vacation tentatively planned for some time in the future.

NSFW

1. How often do they have sex, if at all?

If at all. HAH! They both love having sex. Back in high school, they scheduled it to ensure they took advantage of as much empty-house time as possible. During college, they were able to freely have sex as much as they wanted, which ended up being at least something most nights. Nowadays, they schedule it again because they are both so busy, but staying physically connected is very important to both of them. It’s not so much scheduling to tick the box, but scheduling to make sure they take advantage of the opportunity as often as possible. 

2. Who brings ideas? Who initiates?

Kurt brings most ideas to the table because truly, Blaine’s just happy to be there. Whatever pleases Kurt pleases him, too. He totally gets off on Kurt getting off. Blaine’s also always ready to get f’ed at the drop of a hat. He’s almost always been the one to initiate unscheduled sex, and though sometimes Kurt plays hard to get...he usually ends up caving.

3. Any kinks they clash on?

Kurt really doesn’t get Blaine’s whole bird thing, but he’s not mad about it.

4. Oddest place they’d have sex?

Other than some drunken make-outs at bars and a little bit of car sex, they’ve only had sex out of their living spaces once. They both fantasized about hooking up at McKinley, but neither were brave enough to do it. Kurt was slammed with work and school and they hadn’t had sex in over a week, which was an eternity for them. He was having a really rough shift at the Spotlight Diner one day, and when Blaine popped in for lunch unexpectedly, Kurt kinda snapped and just had to have him right now, Blaine. So he dragged Blaine into the storage closet and had his way with him. Buuuut they almost got caught, and it scared them enough to stay away from any repeat performances.

5. Favourite positions?

Blaine likes eye contact, so they usually have sex facing each other. When Kurt does bottom, he usually likes to ride Blaine. But when they go a little harder and a little faster, Blaine’s face down, ass up, and Kurt’s completely covering him.

6. Dom/top? Sub/bottom? Any switches?

I will die on the hill that Kurt is a primary top, and Blaine is a primary bottom, with an 85/15% split. Kurt’s pretty dominant in the bedroom, but not particularly to BDSM levels. Blaine really really enjoys pleasing Kurt and letting Kurt take whatever he needs from him. That’s what makes him feel loved and safe.

7. Genital headcanons?

Kurt’s got a pretty big dick. Blaine’s not small by any means, but closer to average. Blaine’s got that thicc ass, though, so y’know.

8. Favourite erogenous zones?

Kurt is really sensitive in general. The neck is a big erogenous zone for him, and his nipples are, too. For some reason, biting Blaine’s earlobe really gets him going, and his inner thighs are a big one, too.

9. Quickest turn ons? Immediate turn offs?

Kurt gets really turned on by Blaine wearing his glasses, wearing sweatpants, curls flying free, just looking generally unkempt. He also finds Blaine to be really sexy right when he gets back from working out. Blaine’s pretty much always turned on.

When they lived in the loft, Rachel’s vocal warmups were an instant mood killer. Now that they live in their own place, there’s not much that comes between them and getting laid.

10. First to orgasm? Last to orgasm? Who comes the most? Does someone ever end up unfinished?

Blaine struggled a bit with premature ejaculation when they first started having sex because he was just so eager. Thankfully, he also has a pretty quick recovery time, so he can usually go twice. Kurt usually gets Blaine off once so he’ll last longer when Kurt’s actually fucking him. Kurt’s got pretty good stamina, so he’ll fuck Blaine until Blaine comes and then keep going because Blaine likes the feeling of oversensitivity and, again, Kurt taking what he needs from him. Also, when Blaine comes, he comes a lot. They don’t really have an issue with either of them not finishing, but Blaine had trouble finishing once or twice after they got back together because he was still feeling a lot of guilt about Eli and cried a lot during sex for awhile.  I think about this too much lol bye

11. Favourite romantic gestures during sex/orgasm?

Lots of “I love yous,” lots of kissing. Blaine gets in moods sometimes where he just wants to kiss every square inch of Kurt’s body and make him feel beautiful. Kurt usually gives Blaine permission to come, not as a kinky thing, but as an intimate gesture. “Come on, it’s okay, I’ve got you” kind of thing. 

12. How are their afterglows?

Blaine is really, really cuddly. He just wants to gaze at Kurt and hold him and kiss him and tell him how much he loves him. Kurt likes the afterglow, he does, but he also really wants to shower after. But Blaine usually wins out, because who could resist?

13. Who’s loud? Who’s quiet? Does one try to make the other louder/quieter? How?

Neither of them are particularly quiet, but Blaine’s more of a babbler while Kurt’s a moaner. Blaine’s an endless stream of “fuck, I love you, Kurt, Kurt, Kurt, Iloveyousomuch, fuck,” while Kurt is just moan-y. Kurt probably held back on the moans when they were first having sex, but Blaine encouraged him to be vocal because he gets off on knowing Kurt’s enjoying it. So Kurt moans now, pretty unabashedly but not too loud, with the occasional “fuck” and occasional “Blaine” in the mix.

14. Lights on or off? Do they look at each other? Or is someone embarrassed?

In the beginning, it was lights-off, gentle candlelight only, per Kurt’s request. He was a bit embarrassed about eye contact at first, but he got over the embarrassment soon enough. Blaine really likes eye contact.

15. Open or closed relationship? Do they sometimes share?

They absolutely do not share. They probably have one of those “celebrity freebie lists” where if they were approached and asked for sex they could go for it. Buuut...once they started becoming more successful, and that became anywhere close to realistic, they both decided to shut that down real quick. Kurt is for Blaine, and Blaine is for Kurt, and that’s all.

[artificialqueens]

Flower Files, Part 3 (Rajalaskam, Witney) - Albatross

AN: The third installment of Flower Files featuring Rajalaskam and Witney

Chapter 5 - Rajalaskam

Step. Step. Squish.

Perfect, Willam thought to herself, Just. Fucking. Perfect.

Even before looking down, Willam knew exactly what had just happened. She had just stepped into a very mushy, very rancid pumpkin. She could feel the gooey, decomposing rind brushing against her bare toes. Gross! 

“Ugh,” she groaned out in disgust as she pulled out her foot from the mess. It was all over her beautiful heels!

“What happened?” came the distracted reply from Alaska, squatting down just a few feet away and examining yet another pumpkin.

It was her fault Willam was in this mess. Alaska had wanted to pick out pumpkins for the autumn display outside their house. Some would be carved, others merely decorative, but she needed at least one other person to help her carry them, she explained to her girlfriends earlier that week. Raja was quick to point out that she had to work that Saturday morning. It was very calm, very mild the way she said it but that slight curling of her lips, as well as the teasing glint in her eyes as she turned Willam’s way, let her know she was anything but sorry to miss this little adventure. So all that was left was Willam, who made sure never to work on weekends, especially in the early morning.

Goddamn it.

She tried to talk Alaska out of it, offering to buy her “one of those pumpkin spice crappuccinos or whatever” instead but Alaska was not having it.

“As tempting as that sounds,” she noted with a hint of sarcasm, “No.”

Willam had sighed, loudly and expressively. She knew she wasn’t going to win this; in the end she’d always end up giving into Alaska, but that didn’t mean she’d go down without a fight. Smiling back at her girlfriend, Alaska tried to entice her with, “C’mon, it’ll be fun. Don’t you remember picking out pumpkins when you were a kid?”

“No.”

“It won’t even take that long, promise.”

“Bullshit.”

The back and forth went on for another five minutes but as expected, Willam eventually gave in. At least, she consoled herself, it’ll just be a quick trip to the supermarket. Alaska can pick out the pumpkins while Willam stays in the nice, warm car and then she’ll help carry them after Alaska has found her favorites. Should be done in 30 minutes. 45, tops.

Or so Willam thought.

What Alaska neglected to mention was that she intended to pick out her pumpkins directly from the patch…and that of course meant walking up and down the endless rows examining Every. Fucking. Pumpkin. 

All while Willam pulled the heavy cart behind her. In heels, no less!

She had rounded on her girlfriend with an intense glare the moment they pulled into the lot and Willam realized what was going on. Of course Alaska would want to do it the old fashioned way but why for God’s sake did she have to pull Willam into this utter ridiculousness?

“Jesus Christ,” she complained, “I’m in heels for fuck’s sake!”

“You’re always in heels,” Alaska pointed out sedately as she exited the car, “And I told you to wear comfortable shoes.”

“These are comfortable!” Willam argued, following after her, “On solid ground. Not this disgusting mess…And is that fucking manure over there?”

Alaska merely shrugged as she led them over to the wagon rental. Though she tried to hide it, a devilish little smirk was curling at the edges of her lips. Willam was so going to get her back for this! And Raja. 

Lucky little bitch!

She had little doubt Raja knew exactly what Alaska meant by picking out pumpkins. Probably arranged to be working today so she’d get out of it.

Oh, Willam was definitely going to get both of them.

She complained for the first 10 minutes, non-stop, loud and annoying as only she could but Alaska was unbothered. She paid little attention to Willam’s whining. After all, it was nothing compared to her own temper tantrums. And she knew Willam would trail off sooner or later.

As the vocal complaints turned to disgruntled mumblings, Alaska felt free to enjoy herself. She loved the thought of picking out pumpkins straight from the farm; there was something quaint and wholesome about it that reminded her of childhood. And she loved that she got to experience this with one of her girlfriends. She would have preferred both but she was sure she could rope Raja into decorating the display with her later. Maybe she could even convince Willam to carve a pumpkin or two with them…

Two hours slipped by, Willam trudging along the rough path with the wagon following behind her and Alaska constantly bending over and examining each pumpkin she thought might belong in her display. There were only two more rows left to inspect and then they could call it a day. By this point Willam was dazed and resigned to her fate. She distracted herself with lazy thoughts of how to get revenge on both of her girlfriends…maybe in bed…maybe not…but when her foot sunk deep into the rotten rind of a pumpkin left a little too close to the path, she was sharply awoken from her distracted state.

A shiver had travelled up her spine as the cold, gooey insides seeped between her toes while Alaska asked her what was wrong. It was here Willam began her complaints anew but to her slight relief, they actually worked this time. Alaska had taken a look back at the wagon and the last pumpkin in her hands and decided this would be enough to at least get her started with the display piece. She might need to pick up an extra pumpkin or two from the grocery store but they could leave the fields now. Willam was being a relatively good sport earlier so it was the least Alaska could do not to force her to continue walking with all that gunk on her foot.

As they arrived back at the stall to pay for their finds, Alaska took the opportunity to pick out a few extra gourds and mini pumpkins to accentuate her display. She was quick about it, knowing Willam’s mood was gradually growing worse, but to her surprise Willam actually picked up one of the small, dark green mini pumpkins on her own. Perhaps she wasn’t as annoyed after all?

As soon as they were in the car, Willam tore off her heels and retrieved a few napkins tucked away in the glove box to properly clean them off. Before Alaska drove off, she pressed a quick kiss to Willam’s cheek and thanked her for coming along.

Though Willam would never admit it, the kiss and heartfelt ‘Thank you’ had mollified her. But she still had a reputation to uphold and continued to act irritated all the way home.

Barefoot, she helped Alaska empty out the car of their purchases and bring a few pumpkins of choice indoors for carving. While Alaska washed them off in the sink and set down newspaper over the table, Willam scurried off to change into something much more comfortable. By the time she returned, in a pair of skimpy, skin tight shorts, a well-loved T-shirt, and her hair done up in a messy bun, she found Alaska already sketching out the first Jack-O-Lantern’s face. A few smaller pumpkins had been left off to the side, misshapen or oddly textured, just the way Raja liked them. She knew Raja would not disappoint in whatever she decided to do to decorate them.

Alaska’s pumpkins, however, were kept charmingly simple. Triangle eyes and nose, scattered teeth in a wide grin, she even sketched out ear holes on the sides.

Willam watched her for a few moments as she completely absorbed herself in creating the perfect cutesy faces for each pumpkin. Then Willam let her attention drift back to the singular pumpkin she had picked out. She knew exactly what she wanted to do with it and after the morning she had, felt it was a deserving purpose for the little gourd.

She made quick work of washing the miniature pumpkin and lightly marking where she wanted to cut. She was unusually careful not to cut too deep, Alaska noticed. Her gaze kept drifting back to her girlfriend out of both curiosity and slight concern. Willam was always a chaotic force whenever crafting was involved, and then throwing in a knife as well? Alaska’s heart never raced harder than when she saw Willam haphazardly cutting into something while ignoring all safety precautions or gentle warnings from her girlfriends.

Alaska was just about to begin carving her second pumpkin by the time Willam had removed a section off the top of hers and cleaned out the innards. She carelessly licked the pumpkin guts off the knife, making Alaska’s stomach queasy in process. But before she looked away for her own sanity, she noticed Willam’s face contorting in the cutest expression of mild disgust. Alaska couldn’t stop her lips from curling as she refocused on her own crafting. 

Her attention was soon divided again by Willam running back to the kitchen and rummaging through the drawers, then off to the bathroom and strangely towards the bedroom as well. She came back with the oddest collection of items; a cheap metal flour sifter from the dollar store, a screwdriver she picked up somewhere, one of Raja’s clogs that Willam regularly made fun of, some kind of plastic tubes, and-

Wait.

Now Alaska realized what she was doing.

She’d seen Raja demonstrate this so many times (though her efforts were always a bit more organized than this).

Willam was making a bong out of her mini pumpkin. Alaska had to laugh, because of course she would. How had she missed the gears spinning in Willam’s head as she picked out the pumpkin from the stall?

“Gonna share that when you’re done, right?” Alaska asked, amusement in her voice, as Willam tried to hammer the screwdriver into the pumpkin with Raja’s clog.

“Maybe,” Willam replied distractedly. 

Read as ‘of course,’ Alaska noted with a grin.

They continued their projects for the next hour in relative silence. The dining room table was a mess of soiled newspaper, pumpkin guts and random disassembled household products Willam had collected for her home-made bong. She was still experimenting with getting it just right when Raja arrived back home. She had immediately made her way towards the kitchen, following the sounds of clatter and clanging to find her partners each engaged in their own tasks at the table. Willam was the most focused and didn’t notice her right away until she felt Raja pressing a soft kiss to her cheek. She didn’t say anything but the hint of a grin as she worked told Raja more than enough. Though she had to wonder why one of her clogs was left laying on the table. Moving on to Alaska, she pressed a kiss to her cheek as well, wiping off some of the dried pumpkin guts Alaska had missed earlier when she tried to clean her face.

“You ladies have fun today?” she asked, arms wrapped around Alaska’s waist as they both watched Willam pouring a half-empty bottle of water into the little pumpkin.

“No,” Willam complained briefly before taking her first hit.

“I did,” Alaska countered. “Wish you were there though.”

“Yeah, you could’ve pulled the fucking wagon,” Willam muttered.

Raja chuckled lightly as she moved over to sit next to Willam and relieve her of the pumpkin. “Next time,” she promised, taking an experimental hit off Willam’s questionable-looking bong.

“Not bad,” she commented as her lips broke free. Willam made a noise of agreement as well as a few mental notes of what to do better next time. But it came out surprisingly effective for a spur of the moment decision.

The pair passed the pumpkin back and forth for another round as Alaska finished the last of her rudimentary cleaning. She laid out a fresh spread of newspaper for whenever Raja started her own carving. She motioned over to the collection of odd and unusual pumpkins before relieving Willam of her bong and taking a few well-earned hits. 

While the two continued to share the homemade bong, Raja’s gaze travelled to the other end of the table to inspect her pumpkins and begin brainstorming for ideas. A few thoughts were brewing but she’d definitely sketch them out on paper first before marking up any of the pumpkins. One thing she did notice right away brought a smile to her lips.

“They’re perfect by the way,” she complimented Alaska. “You know how much I like the weird ones.”

She glanced over to Willam, now taking another hit, and nudged her lightly in the side. Willam stared blankly for a moment, wheels turning in her head, as Alaska struggled not to outright laugh. Then, after 2 or 3 seconds, Willam’s mind caught up with what Raja had said and she immediately stuck her tongue out. “Fuck off,” she laughed out in a huff. “I hate both of you.”

“Yes, and we hate you, too,” Raja murmured, pressing a brief kiss to Willam’s grinning lips.

Chapter 6 - Witney

“Dandelions are kinda pretty, don'tcha think?” Courtney blurted out as she and Willam trekked through the park. Her gaze had been wandering around the huge open space that surrounded them. It seemed like everything was in bloom right now, whether it was the flowers on the trees or the wildflowers off in the distance, but especially noticeable was dandelions scattered in amongst the grass.

Irritably shifting their overpacked cooler from one hand to another, Willam remarked, “I think it’s a weed.”

“Still pretty,” Courtney countered, picking up one just off the dirt trail they were using and holding it out for Willam to see.

Despite Courtney’s usually infectious smile, Willam just looked at the object derisively for a moment, shifted the cooler yet again, and commented, “Still a weed…but not the useful kind.”

Laughing lightly as she bent down to pick up another long stemmed dandelion, Courtney pointed out, “Dandelions are plenty useful. Bees love them.”

“Bees love any kind of flower,” Willam muttered, trying to keep from huffing as she continued to struggle with the cooler. Maybe if she tried carrying it with both hands?

“They’re nutritious too,” Courtney chirped away, plucking up another flower, “…can even be used for medicine.”

It was here Willam stopped in her tracks for a hot second to give Courtney a look of concern. “Please tell me you don’t actually eat them,” she groaned in mild disgust.

Courtney’s laughter echoed through the park as she veered off the path again and replied, “No, but it’s still good information to know.”

“Right,” Willam grumbled sarcastically. Looking up ahead, she was relieved to find the picnic table was finally within sight. Just a few more feet.

Bending down to pick up another few dandelions growing clustered together, Courtney added in, “And it helps that they’re so easy to grow.“

“Again; because it’s a weed!” Willam shouted back as she rushed on towards the table. She dropped the cooler as soon as she was close enough and not a moment too soon; her fingers felt like they were about to break off! 

She shook her hands trying to regain some of the feeling back in her fingers before sitting down and unpacking their weighty lunch. Courtney was still off the path, about 10 or so yards away, picking the blooming dandelions with the longest stems. When she finally had a nice little bundle in her hand, she rejoined Willam at the picnic table. Renewing their conversation, one Willam had hoped was finally done, Courtney stated proudly, “They can even grow through the cracks in concrete. That’s perseverance.”

“That sounds stolen from a motivational poster,” Willam countered with an eye roll. Despite her firm stance that dandelions were just a weed, she could feel a small smile tugging at the corners of her lips, especially once Courtney corrected her with a lazy, drawn out, “Maybe borrowed.”

For the next minute or two, Willam focused her energy on setting out their lunches while Courtney fiddled with all the flowers she collected. Willam didn’t pay much attention to her, instead she was sorting through what food was definitely hers so she could finally eat. She hadn’t realized just how starving she was until she could finally see the food laid out in front of her. 

She was nearly finished with her task when Courtney mused out loud once more, “And it’s fun to blow all the little seeds off and watch them float away.”

“If you say so,” Willam replied distractedly. Just about…Done!

“I do say so,” Courtney teased. When Willam looked back at her, ready to announce that they could start eating, she found herself having to pause. Those stupid little dandelions were gone and Courtney’s hands were currently behind her back. Willam eyed her up suspiciously as Courtney maneuvered her way out of her seat and circled the table until she was sitting right next to Willam. She could barely contain her grin, an act that did nothing to ease Willam’s concerns that she was up to something. Then, very carefully, Courtney withdrew her hands from behind her back and announced, “And��they’re the best flower to make a crown out of.”

No sooner had she said it than Willam found a small crown of poorly tied dandelions resting on her head. Immediately, she gave Courtney a withering look, imagining whatever little bugs that hitched a ride on those flowers now crawling in amongst hair, but Courtney just beamed back at her. She looked so pleased with herself, it was a struggle for Willam not to crack even just a little smile.

Sighing softly in defeat, Willam shook her head and shifted around to remove her phone from her pocket. As she unlocked it, she could hear Courtney giggling next to her, saying, “Alright, you can take it off.”

But to Courtney’s surprise, instead of immediately snatching the handmade crown from her head, Willam simply held up her phone, angled just so, and snapped a series of selfies. With her own cocky, satisfied little grin, Willam informed her, “After lunch I will.”

Squealing in delight, Courtney pulled her in for a brief kiss. Just a small way to thank Willam for humoring her, even begrudgingly. Forgetting the food for now, Willam suggested taking just a few more pictures together. “For Instagram,” she reasoned. But by the end of the day both of their profiles had been loaded with multiple stories of them enjoying their time in the park and in a few carefully angled shots, Willam’s flower crown could still be seen resting on her head well into the late afternoon.

[letsperaltiago]

a calm surrender to the rush of day

Jake’s had a few too many beers when he’s sent back home to Amy and his still relatively new son. It’s all good and cute, promise. Peak domestic Peraltiago. This oneshot is based on a prompt on this list.

#98: "I think we should have another"

Read on AO3 here

Amy was fast asleep in their bedroom when the sudden sound of the front door lock clicking and shifting followed by a half-hearted slam jolted her awake. For a very brief second, with her heart galloping in her chest as a result of the shock, Amy was utterly disoriented and the uneasy feeling was definitely not peculiar when you happened to live in a city that was ranked way too high on the Top 10 Most Dangerous Cities in America – a club she did not particularly enjoy being a part of. Although, as fast as it had encased her body to begin with, the shock quickly wore off the second she heard shifting and rumbling paired with a “shit” coming from what she figured out must’ve been the living room.

Jake, she realized, suddenly remembering why he wasn’t currently beside her in bed but rather out with some friends from the academy – or, at least, was.

In an attempt to put the final puzzle pieces in place she leaned over to grab her phone wondering how long he’d out and about for. The time revealed itself across her lock screen picture of Jake, fast asleep on their couch a few days after their son’s arrival with said son resting beneath his hands and on his chest. 3:11 AM – no wonder why she could barely keep her eyes open. There was a second of wondering if she should just turn over, go back to sleep and let Jake come join her whenever he was ready, but something else on the screen caught her eye before she could ultimately decide on doing so: 3 texts from Rosa with the last being from around 30 minutes prior.

Rosa Diaz – 12:39 PM Dude, Jake is horrible. He won’t shut up about you and the baby and for some reason the other guys from the academy seem to be eating it up. I hate it. What have you done to him?

Rosa Diaz – 1:56 AM Nvm. I take it back. He just paid a second round of beers to celebrate, and I quote, “His miracle baby”. Please get pregnant more. Means more free booze.

Rosa Diaz – 2:47 AM Def spoke too soon. He just threw up at my feet. We’re waiting outside the bar for his cab. I’m sending him home to you. Texts me when he gets there. Also: good luck lol. He’s stupid drunk.

Almost as if Jake had read the text as well, as to emphasize its point, Amy could hear him stumble into the bathroom across the hall to, what she chose to believe, grab his toothbrush but instead knocking over the glass holding it generating a loud commotion which tore throughout the entire apartment.

Amy’s head immediately as per instinct shot in the direction of her 3-month old’s crib, which stood against the wall on her side just a few feet away. Apart from the limited amount of Catholic traditions she’d grown up with living with her parents she wasn’t particularly religious, but right then and there she internally prayed that her son, who she’d spent an hour getting back to sleep just 3 hours ago, wasn’t woken up by her father’s drunken circus. She held her breath as a few, way too long seconds went by: no cry. Amy’s chest dropped in relief.

Moments like these were tiny victories that she as a brand new first-time mom held onto for dear life. In general, though she had nothing to compare to, her little boy wasn’t a particularly difficult baby but the past few days had been a bit rough on the little family: rough to the point where Amy had to push Jake out the door earlier that evening because he didn’t want to leave her behind with a fussy baby. But, more than ever before, Amy was confident, telling him it would be a waste for him to stay home and miss out on some fun; he should go out and she’d be fine. He’d ended up going. Although it was borderline against his will with half-worried eyes that Jake had crossed the threshold to exit their apartment, while repeating over and over again that she could and should call him if things turned out to be too much: he’d grab the first cab he saw back home.

Amy loved this considerate and worried side of Jake but it also turned out to be quiet unnecessary that night. Besides the hour from hell of fussiness at midnight, the evening alone with her son had gone by pretty smoothly – she’d actually made quite an enjoyable experience out of it. First of all, right after he’d had left, Amy ate the dinner Jake had prepared for her in advance on the couch with Flynn lying next to her in his little nest, talking and admiring his small sounds and smiles. God, she loved him so much and there was no TV-show or movie in the world that could beat the incredible sight of her son clumsily waving around his tiny legs and arms in his green pajama-onesie. Then, after bathing and changing him, she’d fed him to make sure he was completely ready for bed and by 8 PM she was silently smiling down at, admiring, her very own tiny sleeping human as he dozed off in his crib. Losing track of time was incredibly easy these days, both from the lack of sleep but also the huge amount of love for said little human, but after making sure (for the 32nd time) that Flynn was well asleep Amy had, trusty baby monitor in hand, retreated to the living room. There, with a tiny glass of white wine in hand, she’d managed to finish today’s The Times’ crossword puzzle - something Flynn had interrupted a couple of times that day – before she’d felt an inevitable wave of tiredness creep up on her. Once ready, having gone through her own routine plus checking up on the, to her pride and joy, still sleeping baby, Amy went to bed where she’d slept peacefully until her son had claimed her attention a few hours later. So even though Jake was her favorite person to hang out with, her evening had been great and, all in all, she wouldn’t mind doing it again  

Now here she was once again awake although this time it was not her baby causing the distraction from sleeping but rather her apparently very drunk husband stumbling around the bathroom. The fact that he hadn’t been loud enough to wake up their son had probably (for sure) helped, but also, Amy couldn’t be mad at Jake when she’d been the one to basically force him to go out and have fun. So, after giving up on falling back asleep figuring it’d be hopeless with Jake stumbling around the apartment, she instead took matters into her own hands and made her way to the bathroom. Here, to her amusement, the sight of her rather nicely dressed husband, unruly curls spilling onto his forehead, was barely able to stay awake and standing upright while brushing his teeth.

“Hey there,” she leaned her hip against the door frame before crossing her arms in front of her chest adding to it a teasing smile.

“Oh god!” from the way he almost choked on his tooth brush, Jake was obviously startled by her sudden appearance but quickly avoided choking with a sad attempt at smooth recovery by clumsily spitting the toothpaste into the sink getting it all over his lips in the process.  “I’m szo szo szorry,” the words tumbled from his mouth much like she imagined he’d tripped and fallen over various furniture and items on his way into the apartment just a few moments ago. “Dridn’t mean tro wake you.”

“Well…” she shrugged nonchalantly not really minding mostly because drunk Jake was a hilarious mess she’d missed during their pregnancy, but also partly because she knew he’d be paying the painful price in the morning. “You did.”

Immediately, as if he was a puppy whose tail had just accidentally been stepped on, Jake’s previously insouciant demeanor switched into a intoxicated version of his famous worried frown. Though the second she could tell panic was forming in his drunkenly fatigued eyes, she was quick to step in and avoid guilting him.

“But it’s okay,” her tired but nonetheless somehow always warm eyes worked their best to comfort him, hip nudging her off the doorframe and into a short journey to where her husband had shifted into a leaning position with his back against the sink, toothbrush desperately hanging from the left side of his mouth. His eyes, though dazed and barely able to stay open, followed her every move towards him closely but he was still startled when she’d come close enough for him to feel her breath on him and had sassily snagged the dangling toothbrush out of his mouth (careful to not hurt him in the process, of course).  

“As long as you don’t wake up your son,” she raised an eyebrow daringly only to be met by a shocked expression that told her he still wasn’t entirely over that bold toothbrush-move of hers, and was just barely managing to listen to what she was saying solely because of the mention of Flynn. He knew that the baby was an angel (duh, he was his and Amy’s creation) yet Jake was also very much in touch with reality which was that said son also hadn’t managed to sleep through the night yet (which according to his go-to parenting book Cry Hard was normal). Therefor even drunk Jake also knew that every second his son was asleep was to be handled as carefully as you would a bomb, and the mention of him possibly waking him up was enough to sober him up – or at the very least have him feel like it for a second.

“Luckily,” Amy proceeded, placing her hands on his chest before sliding them up to rest on his shoulders, “you didn’t.”

Paired with a heavy sigh, as if he’d been holding his breath in suspense, she instantly felt his shoulders drop in relief. Needless to say that Amy loved the way her husband cared greatly about his new father-role. Sometimes to the point where Jake, very unnecessarily, would push himself down an endless rabbit hole of doubt, where he, Amy had come to find out relatively early on, could only be calmed down by her ordering him to go lie down and so she could place tiny Flynn on his (incredible) father’s chest. Only then, with his son looking up at him with curious brown eyes or even just being fast asleep, Jake could feel his heart rate slow down significantly and the anxiety fade. His son was here on his chest, tiny heartbeat against his big one and they were both okay. It was love and that was all that mattered.

So yes, Jake’s father-role was very important to both him and her, but for tonight, Amy quickly decided, Jake was allowed to be just drunk-Jake. She had no problem taking full responsibility for Flynn-duty that night, and, even though neither of them kept scores or cared about the unspoken tally, she also knew Jake would make it up to her another night.

“So Flynni iz ztill azleep?” Jake whispered loudly not actually managing to control his voice as intended. His sluggish, wondering eyes reminded Amy of the look on her milk-drunk 3-month old’s face right after a feeding which made it even more obvious that Flynn Peralta was very much her father’s son and would grow up to be an exact copy.  

“Yes, Flynni,” she giggled emphasizing the nickname her husband had come up with, “is still very much asleep. But he won’t be for much longer if you don’t quiet down,” her hands slid up Jake’s neck to cradle his jaw, his tooth brush still in her hand.

“Zorry,” he smiled sheepishly actually managing to whisper this time. “You’re ze bestest mom in ze attire world, Amy Zantriago.”

“Hm,” she squinted her eyes jokingly, “maybe I should just put back that tooth brush because now you’re just talking crazy.”

“Nooo,” the whine that escaped her husband was childish as he simultaneously pulled her in for a clumsy, giggly kiss that’d cover her mouth in his toothpaste remains – unsurprisingly, drunk-Jake was not a very precise tooth brusher and had a toddler’s amount of basic skills. “Ze only crayzay here is me. Crayazay ‘bout my WIFE!” unable to control himself he half-yelled out the last word causing Amy to make a quick decision and shove the toothbrush back into his mouth. This, besides yet another surprised and confused expression greeting her, seemed to work and would hopefully keep him quiet till he made it to bed where he could pass out.

“Hush, Peralta,” and he immediately did. He knew his always very convincing wife only had good intentions (which making sure their son stayed asleep ultimately was) and whilst she picked up where he’d left of to finish brushing his teeth for him he, like the inner toddler the alcohol ignited in him, stayed put against the sink.

A few minutes later, still managing to stay somewhat silent (apart from constantly trying to whisper sweet nothings and stupidities into her ear meanwhile she struggled to brush his teeth and wash his face) Amy lead Jake to their bedroom which, for once, was for unsexy reasonz (with a z, yes). Immediately as soon as it was within what his drunk brain considered a safe distance, Jake’s body caved and dropped to the soft welcoming surface of their bed. Amy quickly figured that it was probably for the best and she should take advantage of Jake finally staying still, meaning she carefully started undressing him, and it had seemed that he was passed out right up until she popped the third button of his flannel and his eyes shot open along with a sneaky smirk.

“Amez, Iz tonight zhe night that we become PILFs?”

Amy frowned as she reached the last button and then pushed the flannel off of his torso. “PILFs?” She wordlessly prompted him to sit up as to allow her to remove the flannel entirely only to be followed by his undershirt being lifted off via his head – something she’d done a million times before but most cases being for other reasons.

“Parentz I’d Like To Frick,” he smiled in appreciation at his own genius invention before stealing a kiss when Amy happened to be close enough to reach by simply leaning in a bit. It did earn him a small giggle like he wished but then also a light shove back.

“Stop that and help me instead, would you?” She was far from mad at him which he could tell from the way she couldn’t keep an entirely straight face but on the other side of things Amy clearly wasn’t having the easiest time undressing her full grown husband either. Suddenly the task that was changing Flynn 7 times a day was put into a quite interesting perspective: a perspective she didn’t necessarily need.

And so, feeling that his wife was doing all the hard work, he helped. It might’ve taken him 5 minutes to pop open and zip down his jeans, but he succeeded and it was with way too much pride that he kicked his jeans off in a madman-ninja manner which resulted in them flying across the room to touchdown by the door. Normally Amy would demand he put them in the laundry bin but for once she couldn’t care less. The pants being off itself was a great victory.

“Nicely done, babe,” she joked trying to ignore the fact that 3 simple tasks had taken them almost 40 minutes by now, prompting her to playfully throw his night shirt in way so it landed on his head. “Now put that on and you’re good to pass out for the night.”

She walked back over to her side of the bed, throwing in a glance at Flynn in his crib to make sure he was still well and asleep, before crawling back under the covers and pushing the part on Jake’s side aside to invite him in.

It was a matter of seconds before he dropped into place but instead of passing out immediately as Amy had expected him to, her husband shuffled across the bed’s invisible center line wordlessly asking for snuggles that Amy, of course, couldn’t decline. She loved that Jake went out and had some fun by himself, although, at the end of the day, nothing would ever beat having him home with her – even if it meant dealing with an all at once incapable and horny man child.

So, by all means, she lifted her arm to welcome him to make himself at home under it, felt his head moving to on top of her chest, before she put it back down in a soft grip around his shoulders. His free arm would then soon enough wrap around her middle earning him a soft peck to the forehead.

“I love you, Amz,” he mumbled tiredly into her shirt.

“I love you too, Jake,” she smiled leaning her cheek against where she’d just planted the kiss.

“And I love our baby. Zo much. I mizzed him all ze night,” he mumbled on the verge of falling asleep.

And while she always did expect it these days, right then and there when she very honestly in the moment least did expect it, a loud cry as if scripted, tore through the darkness of their bedroom. A small sigh escaped her body although she was couldn’t help but smile at the irony of the situation.

“… Sounds like he missed you too, babe.”

“Oh no,” Jake whined basically imitating Flynn to a point where it was scary as Amy scooted out from his snuggle and the newfound warmth of their bed. “I woke him up. I’m zo zo sorry.”

In the meantime Amy had made her way to the crib.

“You didn’t wake him up, honey,” she made sure to reassure Jake of the fact before picking up the tiny crying figure before promptly looking at the time on her night stand, where her suspicion was immediately proved to be right. “It’s 4 AM: he’s just hungry.”

Not many things in this world were sure or certain, but if there was one thing that was then it was definitely Amy’s knowledge when it came to her son’s schedule. Yes, Jake got up with Flynn just as frequently as she did, but contrary to her, Jake didn’t take note of the time and just did what his son demanded without interest in cracking the code to their baby’s life-pattern: as long as he got to care for him and make him happy again, the logistics were somewhat irrelevant to Jake.

“You sure?” he complained nervously questioning his wife as she sat back down in bed with Flynn cradled to her chest.

“Yes, completely.”

With her always being right and all, Jake settled for accepting his wife’s statement quieting down to take in the sight of their son fumbling to find where his mother had lifted up her shirt in order to feed him. Seconds later, like the peace that followed after a huge sky-cracking thunderstorm, silence settled upon the family of three letting the two adult of said family know that Flynn had once again worked out how to still his hunger. Apart from the very faint sounds of suckling, the occasional little pop followed by a wail when he’d lose his mouthful and complain until Amy managed to help him back on track, idyllic silence of the night wrapped up the apartment as if Jake had never interrupted it just an hour prior.

It was in moments like these where Jake became untouchable, completely disregarding any physical or mental state he might be in, and simply gave in to soaking in the faultless felicity parenthood provided him with. He’d never been anything but happy with Amy but this life he’d been living for 3 months now was even better and beyond any imaginable expectations he’d had. Flynn, though being the one who was completely dependent on his father’s care, had given Jake life a renewed meaning he hadn’t known or felt close to before. A meaning he’d originally been so afraid of even considering before he met Amy but had come to realize he wanted with her and only her.

He wanted 4 AM cries. He wanted the sight of Amy, depending on what her energy level was, either dozing off to or actively admiring their son latching onto her swelled chest as he suckled on it. He wanted the rush of pride every time Flynn made a new sound even if it was simply bringing into existence a new pitch when he squealed or whimpered. Jake wanted all and everything, big and small, as long as it was with them.

So of course, as soon as Flynn was placed stomach down on Amy’s chest after being done eating and burped, earning himself a sweet praise when he succeeded, Jake was back to snuggling into his wife’s side. There was no minding sharing her chest with the tiny human as it provided Jake with the perfect combination of cuddling with his wife and the incredible sight of their stupefying son slipping back into a peaceful state of sleepy satisfaction.

“He’s sro prerfect, Amy.”

“I know, babe,” with a hand safely cradling and stroking the back of Flynn’s decently hairy head she mumbled her reply obviously in the early stages of dozing off herself. The other hand, this arm having returned to its spot around Jake, was resting against her husband’s back stroking it in a synchronized motion.  

“Like, he’z like getting ze one exact toy you wanted ze mostest in your Happy Meal as a child.”  

She would laugh out loud at his comparison, finding it incredibly endearing, but she was by then too exhausted and only managed to form a tired smile – also the laughing would cause her chest and then automatically Flynn to quiver which she was not about to dare.

“He really is,” she mumbled.

“I think we shrould have anozer.”

It was easy to tell that the comment was partly genuine and sweet but also partly… intoxicated. Though Amy didn’t doubt the fact that Jake wouldn’t mind more children, she also didn’t doubt the fact that he definitely wouldn’t remember this conversation when he woke up some hours later with a hammering headache and zombie-like state of mind.

“I think I have enough on my hands with you two.”

Yes, she did see them having at least two kids but one newborn was definitely more than enough at the moment, plus  they had plenty of time to consider further additions to the family once Flynn would be older and Jake not completely wasted. Although it was nice to hear some truth about his inner thoughts spill from her drunk husband, there was no doubt in her mind that there was no need to hurry. They would get there eventually and for now they were already so very happy.

She was pulled out of her thoughts by the feeling of Jake’s lips planting a soft, half-sloppy kiss to, first, their son’s head, then, then her neck. Then small movements beneath her hand on Flynn was next, quickly peaking her curiosity and winning over her exhaustion then forcing herself to open her eyes. Immediately feeling glad she did so because she was met by the most heartwarming sight of Jake carefully caressing Flynn’s tiny feet.

“We’re gunna make zo many perfect bebiez, Amy Trivago. Zo many. Like zis one.”

“I’m sure of it, babe,” she gave into one last tired chuckle hoping agreeing would give him the peace he needed to fall asleep. And besides the fact his fingers continuously toyed with the tiny feet, Jake seemed fast asleep a few moments later leaving Amy to soak in the moment, fighting to stay awake just a few more minutes to enjoy how incredibly lucky she was.

There was indeed nothing better than feeling her two favorite boys’ heartbeats against her skin as she herself dove into a deep sleep.

[sielinakyle]

Dig a Little Deeper

tagged by @quaffled​!! thank you :)

i’m putting this under the cut because it’s long!

1. do you prefer writing with a black pen or a blue pen? blue!

2. would you prefer to live in the country or in the city? i’m definitely more of a city girl, but i love driving around the country.

3. if you could learn a new skill, what would it be? i think i’d want to learn how to fix a car. that seems like a pretty decent skill to have haha.

4. do you drink your tea/coffee with sugar? coffee with sugar!

5. what was your favorite book as a child? definitely harry potter. i also liked the shadowhunter series but never finished it. i liked reading the judy blume books and roald dahl.

6. do you prefer baths or showers? showers

7. if you could be a mythical creature, which one would you be? just give me some magical powers pls.

8. paper or electronic books? paper. but i read a lot of fanfiction for electronic...?

9. what is your favorite item of clothing? leggings! and this oversized sweater i love wearing in the winter.

10. do you like your name? would you like to change it? i like my name :) even if i have to spell it everywhere i go.

11. who is a mentor to you? i don’t think i’ve ever really had a mentor. i look up to my mum a lot if that counts...

12. would you like to be famous? if so, what for? i think it’d be cool to write a book but i’d probably use a pseudonym.

13. are you a restless sleeper? i have a hard time falling asleep. night time is when my anxiety spikes.

14. do you consider yourself to be a romantic person? hopeless romantic.

15. which element best represents you? earth!

16. who do you want to be closer to? i honestly don’t know... my best friend lives almost five hours a way and i only see her like twice maybe three times a year. 

17. do you miss someone at the moment? yep. covid sucks. and relatives that have passed away.

18. tell us about an early childhood memory. my mum, dad and i were up at a cottage with my cousins and my aunt and uncle. and my one cousin and i went for a bike ride and we saw a bear along the way. so we raced back and told everyone but no one believed us, my dad was like “you probably saw a giant bird” and to this day (like 12 years later) no one still believes us.

19. what is the strangest thing you have eaten? alligator meat?

20. what are you most thankful for? family, friends, roof over my head.

21. do you like spicy food? caribbean spicy

22. have you ever met someone famous? taika waititi came into my work. chelsea and i sat near sebastian stan at TIFF (didn’t meet him but it was great). i’ve meet a few NHL players and MLB players when i was younger. i used to work at an entertainment show so celebs would walk in and out for interviews.

23. do you keep a diary or journal? i used to!

24. do you prefer to use pen or pencil? pen

25. what is your star sign? capricorn

26. do you like your cereal crunchy or soggy? i don’t really eat cereal

27. what would you want your legacy to be? god i don’t know. dsfjnkdsjnfks just being a decent human with an open mind

28. do you like reading? what was the last book you read? yes! i can’t remember the last physical book, but i’ve read a lot of fanfiction in lockdown.

29. how do you show someone you love them? for friendship love, i’m supportive and caring and a listener. i think those are important. for my romantic relationship i love hand! holding! and also just being a support system for that other person and communicate!

30. do you like ice in your drinks? sure

31. what are you afraid of? dying, watching my family dying, being alone. uncertainty. 

32. what is your favorite scent? honey vanilla, cookies, coffee, shea butter

33. do you address older people by their name or surname? uhhh i don’t know? i guess if i know them then their first name.

34. if money was not a factor, how would you live your life? travel!!!

35. do you prefer swimming in pools or the ocean? pools! 

36. what would you do if you found $50 in the ground? keep it probably

37. have you ever seen a shooting star? did you make a wish? i don’t think i have

38. what is one thing you would want to teach your children? be open minded and kind

39. if you had to have a tattoo, what would it be and where would you get it? i have two! but i want like 2384234 more :)

40. what can you hear now? youtube video. 41. where do you feel the safest? in my home, in bed with a bunch of blankets. or with my mum. 42. what is one thing you want to overcome/conquer? anxiety!!! self deprecating!!! 

43. if you could travel back to any era, what would it be? i think seeing thew 70s/80s would be neat.

44. what is your most used emoji? the crying laughing emoji or the eye roll emoji 45. describe yourself using one word. anxious

46. what do you regret the most? not having more time with my dad.

47. last movie you saw? the princess bride

48. last tv show you watched? glee...... just don’t even ask i’m mad at myself

49. invent a word and its meaning. i dont know lmaaao

tagging: @cinderllas @hathawaywrites @sansastsrk @mysnflower @delacourr @mischiefsmanaged @chvchang @marleneblackinnon @madney 

[lovemesomesurveys]

What was the shortest amount of time you’ve known someone before you’ve dated them? A few months.

Are you a fan of inside jokes or do you tend to stay away from them?
  >> I mean... inside jokes kind of just happen, organically. I don’t see how I could stay away from them, unless I just never participated in anything funny with anyone, ever. <<< lol that made me laugh but seriously though. I like having them, I think they’re fun.

Do you have any theatrical experience? If so, what have you done?
 Nope.

Which movies currently out in theatres do you want to see?  There hasn’t been anything playing in theaters since the quarantine/lockdown. I miss going to the movies, though. I also really miss movie theater popcorn.

Don’t you hate it when people talk about their relationships constantly?
  I knew someone like that and I mean yeah it did get annoying. It was like the main topic and always got brought back to it somehow if we did shift away from it.

How close would you say you are to your relatives?
 I’m very close to my immediate family. I haven’t seen any extended family in months, unfortunately. Even before all this though it wasn’t as often as it used to be. :/ 

Do you collect anything? If so, what?  Giraffe stuffed animals and key chains.

Is there anything you need to say to anyone?  To a few people.

What’s your favorite Pokemon?
 I liked Jigglypuff. 

If you could have anyone to do your eulogy, who would it be and why?
 Morgan Freeman. ha.

What was the last book you’ve read?
  The Girl and the Deadly End by AJ Rivers.

Do you enjoy old movies?
 >> Some of them, sure. (I’m assuming by “old” you mean, like, black and white era. Because that’s what I mean when I think of “old movies”.) <<< Same.

If you play the Sims games, which one is your favorite?
  The Sims 4. I love the seasons and beach expansions. I want to get the university one, too. I haven’t played in like 2 years, though. I get urges to play, but ya know, laziness.

If given the choice, would you rather go to Subway or a Chinese restaurant?
  I’ve been kind of wanting Chinese food recently.

Do your neighbors annoy you in any way?
 Not anymore, but we did have an issue before.

When was the last time you had a Ring Pop?
 Not since I was a kid, I think.

Whose car were you in last?
 My mom’s.

What was the last party you were invited to?
  A former friend’s a few years ago.

Are you honestly happy with your life right now?
  No.

Have you ever kissed anyone in an elevator?
  No.

What would you name your future daughter? I don’t want to have kids.

Do you miss anyone? I’ll always miss my loved ones who have passed. 

Ever been told “it’s not you, it’s me”?  Yes.

What are you looking forward to in the next week? Nothing.

How late did you stay up last night? The past few months I’ve been staying up until like 7 or 8AM everyday.

What were you doing at 12:30 this afternoon? It’s only 6:42AM, but I plan to be asleep at that time.

Could you go for the rest of your life without drinking alcohol? I’ve gone almost 10 years now and have no desire to drink, so yeah probably.

Could you go for the rest of your life without smoking a cigarette? Absolutely.

Is it hard for you to get over someone?  Yes.

Who did you last see in person?  My mom.

Do you use chap stick? Yeah.

Who did you last share a bed with? My mom when we stayed in a hotel for our vacation back in February.

What is something you currently want right now? My stomachache to go away.

When was the last time a member of the opposite sex hugged you? It’s been a long time since I’ve hugged anyone.

What do people call you? Stephanie or Steph. My family calls me “Sis”, too.

What is on your wrists right now? Nothing.

Are you single/taken/heartbroken/confused/waiting for the unexpected? I’m single.

Where did you get the shirt you’re wearing? Hot Topic.

Do you miss the way things were six months ago? It’s crazy how much has changed since February. Back in early February I went to Disneyland with my family. It’s crazy that we could do stuff like that earlier this year. It honestly doesn’t even feel like we went this year. COVID was a thing, but it hadn’t hit the US hard yet. It wasn’t a big fear at all here at the time. Then in March shit really hit the fan and everything changed for the worst and things haven’t been the same since. Who knows when we can safely travel again or do anything without the fear of this virus looming over us constantly. 

Think of the last person who said I love you, do you think they meant it? Yes, I know they did.

[soysaucevictim]

Last week of current stuff...

-

July 25

I woke up around noon, today.

After a bit of time browsing stuff, I worked on today’s Hello Fresh meal. Italian Sunday supper (I know it wasn’t Sunday, but whatever.) This was one of the more expensive Taste Tours kits - and I legitimately enjoyed it a lot! (Despite my appetite.)

First, today’s DD. 80 side leg raises with EC (40/40). Pretty breezy work.

Second, Day 25 of the 1′CC. 1′ lunge step-ups. One go, 30 reps. ROM demanded still limits just how fast I can execute this. Not a huge fave, but very doable.

Last, Day 24 of the XTP. Leg / tendon strength / active rest day. 3x100 side leg raises, 30″ rest. Breezy, and amused that it lined up with the DD, like that. :,D

Spent time on the usual... before deciding to start a draw stream at like 2AM. Finished another art project - despite it not being a fantastic decision to work this late. :,D

Technically only got to bed a bit after dawn. Woops.

-

July 26

I woke up about noonish- wanting to sleep a bit more. But heat + a brief power outage kinda pressed me to stay awake.

When power came back on and some browsing, I went for today’s exercise early. Despite being p damn tired. :P

First, today’s DD. 50 shoulder taps with EC. Fairly breezy work.

Second, Day 26 of the 1′CC. 1′ single leg hops with EC. One go, 30″/30″ and 124 reps. I’m pleased I could manage 2/sec. It was a bit of a challenge to maintain that, too!

Last, Day 25 of the XTP. Arm work. This sequence is a bit less capable of completely noodle-fying my arms (compared to presses, rows, and lateral raises). Very manageable. Numbers:

Alt. bicep curls: 54-48-40-34-30

Tricep extensions: 16-14-12-12-10

Watched The Mask with a friend, chatted a good deal of rest of night chatting and just browsing stuff.

I got to bed in the green zone. Think a bit of sleep debt caught up with me. but I’m okay with that. :P

-

July 27

I woke up before 11AM.

One of the first things I did today was my exercise.

First, today’s DD. 30 crunch kicks with EC. A fun one, a bit uncomfortable at seat though.

Second, Day 27 of the 1′CC. 1′ climber taps. One go, 70 reps. Abs still definitely felt it.

Last, Day 26 of the XTP. Leg day. Got a bit miffed about a phone call interrupting the workout, had to redo a set of lunges*. Anyways, numbers:

Squat into shoulder presses: 16-14-14-12-12

Forward lunges: 50-42-38*-30-28

I then went out for a psych appointment, went alright.

Spent rest of day chatting and reading a couple things (JD@tE & a friend’s work.) Got to bed in the yellow zone, combo of tired and needing to get up early tomorrow was good enough motivation.

-

July 28

I woke up around 8AM, today.

Went to a dental appointment this morning, went alright.

Spent a few hours gaming and watching YouTube before picking up Subway with bro and getting down to my exercises.

First, today’s DD. 40 squat hold side bends with EC. Just about manageable.

Second, Day 28 of the 1′CC. 1′ jumping lunges. Barely in one go, managed 52 reps. Oh man, I do not like jumping lunges. orz

Last, Day 27 of the XTP. Arm stuff. Whopping 4/5 exercises done to fatigue/failure. Numbers:

Alt bicep curls: 60-54-46-40-34

Upright rows: 18-14-10-10-8

Bent over rows: 20-16-14-12-12

Bent over flies (knocked weight down to 1x5 lbs per arm): 10-8-8-6-6

Spent much of day chatting and reading something a friend wrote.

Got to bed too late again... but not obscene by my standards.

-

July 29

I woke up around 10AM.

First thing I did was making some more trip reservations and a bit of my exercise.

First, today’s DD. 2′ side leg raise hold with EC (1′/1′, from floor.) Pretty breezy work. Trying to make the side switch swiftly/smoothly was  probably the only challenging part for me.

(After going to my first Seeking Safety Group since forever, which was nice...)

Second, Day 29 of the 1′CC. 1′ jump squats. One go, 44 reps. I got pretty bushed at the pace I was going. Quads burned something fierce. But I’m glad I could carry on.

Last, Day 28 of the XTP. Leg work, tendon strengthening day. Definitely not calling it active rest at this point. Took a lot of willpower to keep the leg off floor for corresponding halves of the sequence. But I managed to get through it by skin of teeth. (Being fresh off the squat hops certainly didn’t help. Pffft.)

Spent rest of day chatting, starting watching Good Omens with friend, listening to music, and browsing stuff. Got to bed late again.

-

July 30

I woke up after 11AM.

One of the first things I did today was some dishes. And after that, I started on today’s exercise.

First, today’s DD. 30 push-ups with EC. Manageable, modestly sloppy, but acceptable.

Second, Day 30 of the 1′ Cardio Challenge. 1′ basic burpees. One go, 20 reps (+1 extra to complete another rep/cycle). Saving grace of burpees is the fact it takes a bit of time to execute one rep - but even 20 at that pace did get me pretty winded!

Last, Day 29 of the XTP. Last arm day of the program and my arms are so done. Numbers:

Alt bicep curls: 70-60-50-45-40

Tricep extensions (per side): 18-16-14-14-12

Bilateral tricep extensions: 10-8-6-6-6

Listened to my Discover Weekly music, had a hysterical time chatting with friend, watched another episode of Good Omens with ‘im, and decided to do a quick Janus doodle before turning in (way too late).

-

July 30

Despite needing more sleep, I got up around 8AM, today.

The first thing I addressed was cleaning my ears... feels so much better now. (wonder if that was influencing reduced appetite / food texture issues...)

Watched some YouTube, gamed, and did some dishes before doing today’s exercises.

First, today’s DD. 30 forward bends with EC. Relatively breezy, kinda of a warm-up for my program stuff.

Last, Day 30 of the Xpress Tone Program. Legs / lower body work. Pretty aerobic. Numbers:

Forward lunges: 60-50-40-36-32

Deadlifts: 20-18-16-14-12

Side lunges: 30-24-20-16-14

Goblet squats: 40-36-30-26-24

I then spent time making today’s HF meal. Scallops over truffled mushroom risotto. I liked it alright - but general consensus was that it didn’t exactly knock things out of the park. Additionally, it was pretty involved, so it might not see a reprisal in future.

Wouldn’t mind making something else with scallops or truffle oil, in future though (was given reasonable advice to be a bit conservative on that - given how strong of a flavor/fragrance that had.)

Spent rest of day chatting and planning out my next couple weeks of fitness stuff. Got to bed too late... narrowly overshot my yellow zone this time. But man, I was exhausted.

-

Summary of Experience:

I finished the 1′ Cardio Challenge in July 30. Overall, this was a pretty fun little challenge and a good balance for strength training! I did record my rep counts, so it may be interesting to see if I could squeeze more into the minute in future. I really liked the straight leg bounds, hops on spot, and most of the jacks. Didn’t like the lunging variations and split jacks so much. But, that’s just how it is~

I finished the Xpress Tone Program in July 31. Circuit structure made this interesting and distinct from IRONBORN. But I could dig it! I worked with a max of 2x5lbs per arm (halving it for lateral raises and flies). Many opportunities did this one kick my ass. These were my PBs:

Alt bent over rows (total): 20-16-14-12-12

Alt bicep curls: 70-60-50-46-40

Alt shoulder presses: 30-24-20-20-18

Bent over flies: 10-8-8-6-6

Bent over tricep extensions (per side): 6-5-5-4-4

Bilat. bent over rows:10-8-6-6-6

Bilat. bicep curls: 20-16-12-8-8

Bilat. hammer curls: 26-22-18-14-12

Bilat. tricep extensions: 10-8-6-6-6

Deadlifts: 20-18-16-14-12

Forward lunges (total, alt): 60-50-40-36-32

Goblet squats: 40-36-30-26-24

Hammer curls (total, alt): 22-18-14-10-10

Lateral raises: 14-12-10-8-6

Side lunges: 30-24-20-16-14

Split lunge into shoulder press (total): 14-10-8-6-6

Squat into shoulder press (total): 16-14-14-12-12

Tricep extensions: 18-16-14-14-12

Upright rows: 18-14-10-10-8

I COULD share the spreadsheets, if anyone is interested in seeing them~

[poipoipoi-2016]

So you’ve decided you want to walk across the Grand Canyon

@dwelling-abode​ pinged me, and I ranted enough I’m just going to make this a post

3 parts: 

The Hike itself and why it sucks

The warnings

The walkthrough

The gear you’re going to use to make it suck less and also not die

The fitness you need to be in to not die

I apologize to all the mobile people for whom this is a wall of text.  

The hike:

Two variations: 

1) Rim-to-Rim aka North Kaibab to Bright Angel.  I did this.  1 day down, 2 days up.  

2) South Kaibab to Bright Angel off the South Rim

First thing you should notice: There is no water on South Kaibab.  There is no purified water source between Cottonwood and Bright Angel (Well, er, Phantom Ranch) which is the longest, hottest, most exposed portion of the trip.  You are coming up Bright Angel.  

The other thing you should notice: 1000 feet is 600 miles, this is the rough equivalent weather-wise of walking from Calgary to Phoenix to Minneapolis.  On a good day, your downhill day has a 60 degree temperature differential.  

This in turn enforces a very hard cutoff in terms of when it’s physically possible to do this, namely about 2 weeks in early October when the North Rim is open and it *might* not be 100+ degrees at the bottom.  Key word might.  I did it on the last possible day (No seriously, I flew my grandmother out to spend 4 days driving the car around), and it was 92.  

If you’ve never done serious exertion, 55 is t-shirt weather, I mean this.  

If you do it in June/July/August/early September, you will die.   There is no safe way to do this (Read: Any) level of physical activity in the desert in those temps.  

So let’s walkthrough the hike. 

The first mile and a half down to Supai is a boring series of switchbacks down through a pine forest.  Poor visibility because of the trees, boring yellow/grey rock, just do it.  Weather-wise, it went from 30 to 60 in the space of about 2 hours, if you brought a jacket, it’s in the backpack by now.  

Then you get to the tunnel.  If your less... energetic... companions want to come down a little bit, this is the spot they gawk and turn around.  There is a water supply, but it was covered in wasps, so don’t count on it running.  Probably 60-90 minutes down, 2-3 hours back up.  

The rock turns red, the pines get replaced by high desert scrub, it’s really the first open view of the next few miles of the hike and the light’s come around *just* far enough that it’s down into the canyon, but it’s still good light.  

Broadly speaking, you’re switchbacking down the left wall to the bridge, over the bridge, then down the right wall until you hit the bottom of that far wall.  

About halfway down, the red rock converts into the red-gray rock, and the trail becomes a dynamited cut into the sheer rock wall.  If you’re afraid of heights... enjoy!  Seriously, it’s freaky.  There is a tree in this picture.  

It’s another 15-20 degrees hotter (80... It was 30 4 hours and 3000 feet ago), and the sheer rock walls largely conceal the transition from the pictured scrub to actual desert.  

At Roaring Springs, the red rock ends and you get this off-green shale in eroded piles.  The trail flattens out, opens up, and goes another half mile down to the pumphouse.  This was my first working water supply!  It is 11:37AM.  I have been walking for 4.5 hours, 6 miles, and I have another 8 hot, flat miles to go.  

At this point, you merge with Bright Angel Creek.  This is the worst part of the trip.  ~5 miles of open terrain through the desert on a hot, hot day.   Another mile up is Cottonwood, the last water supply until Phantom.  Drain your water now, and refill completely.   Drink, drink, drink.  

About 2 miles up is the Ribbon Falls side trail.  Unfortunately, the bridge was out and I really did not feel like going up to the ford, fording the creek and doubling back while carrying this much gear.  This was a good choice, since I barely made it by dark.  In October, I doubt it’s really running tbh.  

So 5 miles rambling through the desert as the red side cliffs get higher and higher, you get lower and lower, and the day gets hotter and hotter. 

And finally, at last, 11 miles of walking in, you hit the box canyon.  Blessed shade.  3 miles of increasingly tired cornering later, there’s a side hike to Phantom Overlook, 1000 feet straight up, but I was running out of both light and leg strength, so I passed on this.  If you’re coming down South Kaibab, you have 5-6 hours to kill, so go explore the box canyon.  It’s seriously cool, and you’ll never be back here again.  

Go to Phantom Ranch or Bright Angel Campground, check in, drop your bags, run run run down to the river for sunset at the black bridge.  Stay there until dark, then use your headlamp to get back.  

Variant: There’s a variant I’d love to do where I manage to get Cottonwood permits as well, and then do both Ribbon Falls and Phantom Overlook as Day 2 with some more time at Phantom Ranch.  That’s about 7 down slow on the first day, a relaxing early sleep, ~11 (and ~4000 feet of elevation gain/loss nervous_monkey_puppet.jpg) on Day 2, then 2 easy 9-mile days on the climb with dead legs.  

Note: I stayed in the cabins and got 2 hours of sleep.  Preferably, you should just do Bright Angel Campground.  Lows of 70 are perfectly fine for sleeping.  

Day 2:

Wake up.  Walk down to the river, cross... either of the bridges are fine really, black bridge is a slight detour, but ideally this is a short day, adding a mile won’t hurt.  I must admit to being moderately curious about the south side trail from black to gray bridge.  

Two miles running up and along a cliffside trail to the base of Polk Creek. 

Looks like this, that’s a cell phone camera, enjoy.  

You’re still pretty low, but also desert morning, shade, and the river being a giant heatsink.  Then you start the climb out. 1500 feet up to Indian Garden, probably 80% of that climb is a 2-mile stretch of switchbacks.  Lovely red and yellow rock.   

The last mile or two before the campground are flat, exposed to the sun, and still low enough it’s hot hot hot.  80′s are expected.  

And then you finally get to the campground (Trees, shade, toilets, first actual real water supply since Phantom!).  At this point, either:

1) Congrats, you have a campground!  Set up camp, rest, relax, maybe make a Plateau Point (2 miles, 1 hour each way, perfectly flat the whole way) run.  

2) If you’re really fast and have 2 hours/4 miles of buffer in your legs (Iffy, 14 mile day up a 4400 foot cliff), also make a Plateau Point run.  It’s not very pretty at 2:00 in the afternoon, so really don’t feel bad for skipping.  

3) Stare in sheer horror at the 3000 foot cliff that has finally become visible in front of you, and cry inside.  

You are a third of the way up.  

I wasn’t feeling so good, so I went to bed early.  The sun goes down at 6:00 by the way, and it’s so dark you’ll just conk out.  

Day 3: 

So I woke up at 4AM, made a sunrise Plateau Point run (DO THIS) with my tripod, and then headed back.  Packed up the campground, started up about 9:00 or so?  

This is ideal.  You’re headed right up the middle of a crack in the rock, and if you do it this way, you’re making the climb in 60 degree weather in the shade pretty much until the top.  If you took Option #2 or #3 yesterday, the sun comes around, and you’re doing the climb in 75 degree weather in the sun.  

There’s not really much here.  It is exactly a 5 mile, 3000 foot climb with 2 intermediate water supplies split every 1000 feet on 2/1.5/1.5 mile splits.  3 mile resthouse has a decent view.  The most exciting thing past that is the red/yellow line in the rock, and if you do this early enough, the sun will be on that wall.  This took me about 4.5 hours.  

The hike until now has been a 2.5-day test of your ankles.  Downhill, uneven ground, drop-offs, etc.  This is a sheer test of your quad strength and cardio.  Especially as you get closer to 8K feet.  “Officially”, I burned 6200, 4300, 6200 calories across the 3 days.  

The most encouraging thing is seeing the increasingly “tourist” nature of your hiking companions since the serious hikers have proper gear and the less serious ones... do not.  So if you’re watching some little 4 year old kid in Converse, you’re probably not *that* far from the top.  

At the top, stay as close to the Rim as possible.  My ankle gave out the second I got to the top, and I had to hobble half a mile to my hotel.  God help me if there was a shuttle ride or a longer walk.  

Shower, relax, massage some feeling back into your feet, change clothing if you brought extra, THEN meet up with your family members.  And then I was bored, so for sunset, I went around and grabbed this shot of the trail.  

Gear that will keep you from death: 

Satellite comms: 

Garmin satellite comms ($350 for the Inreach Mini + more $$$$ for the actual plan) https://www.rei.com/product/140110/garmin-inreach-mini-2-way-satellite-communicator

I upgraded to the good plan that lets you send infinite random texts (~10 minute delay), and didn’t regret it.  But you need a Panic button that works.  There’s pretty good connectivity, you don’t need one of the $1000 beacons they use in slot canyons, and the cheaper competitors don’t.... actually work.  

Invest in a Garmin.  Set it up.  TEST IT BEFORE YOU LEAVE.  Make sure your relatives know how to contact you over the satellite comms, and that your texts will arrive from some random number.  

Hiking gear: 

Fitted Backpack with both good chest and hip straps and an internal support structure ($2-400)

I’ve been ecstatically happy with my 70L Osprey (Aether?), I also have a 24-inch torso.  

They make different ones for men and women, because the men’s ones put the chest strap straight across the nipples.  You actually care about that.  

Carbon Fiber Hiking Poles tested and fitted ($300)

Get you down steps, get you across rivers, provide support on pushes up, get weight off the ankles.  

Protip: 5cm too long on downhills, 5cm too short on uphills.  

Good boots/shoes ($150-$300)

There’s an inherent tradeoff between ankle support and weight in the boots.  Personally, for a through-hiker with serious gear, I’d go with mid-rise boots

If you were doing a true Rim-to-Rim, they all use trail runners even when they’re not running it.  

Good Boot Socks

Merino Wool is a must, I really like Darn Tough thick boot socks.  

Moisture-wicking underwear

Merino Wool is acceptable

Carbon Fiber is light, you actually care about every ounce. 

Related: You’re about to spend 3 days in the same clothing, it will smell. Merino at least makes it smell better and handles the moisture acceptably.  

Anti-heat gear:

A good sweat-wicking wide-brim hat with holes in the outer band (The name brand is Tilly for $80, I think mine was about $40?)

Good, tough, not too hot hiking pants ($60/pair?)

Ripping is bad, extra pockets are good.  

I use these, note the water resistance and also two pockets, one per leg, with horizontal zippers so you can reach straight down and things can’t fall out of your pockets.  

Some people use those convertible shorts, I’ve never liked the zippers myself.  

Good moisture-wicking t-shirts, or even better polo shirts ($40)

Polo shirts let you pop your collar and cover your entire neck.  

Moisture-wicking keeps you alive when it’s 95.  

SPEND MONEY.  It’s a $40 t-shirt, you just need one, SPEND THE MONEY. 

Light jacket for cold mornings

Consumables:

At least one water bottle and 1 3L Osprey water bladder

Some form of backup water purification

High-carb, high-calorie-to-weight-or-volume, low-fiber food

6000 calories a day * Fiber in an energy bar...

Personal recc: Nutter Butters.  Easy to find in any mid-sized grocery store, can go a week without going stale, etc, etc.  Throw 2-3 family-sized packs into Ziploc, ration one a day.  

Phantom Ranch has a store, you can buy some more food there.  

They also have an all-you-can-eat breakfast, that’s worth investing in if you’re in the cabins.  

Imodium

Any needed meds.  I have contacts so I needed a little bottle of Boston.  

Camping Gear (Skippable if through-hiking or only staying at Phantom):

Lightest possible self-supporting full-frame tent ($300)

https://www.rei.com/product/110817/rei-co-op-quarter-dome-1-tent

The ground is rocky, you probably can’t pitch

There are scorpions and rats.  If you want to try a tarp, I can’t stop you.  

Sleeping bag + pad

Cold, but not that cold at night

Once again, rocky ground.  

Your permit, in a plastic Ziploc bag.  

Camera Gear: 

Your cell phone is very good these days.  

But fine, it’s a once in a lifetime trip.  

Full-frame or APS-C body

High-MP landscape body if you can do it.  

Lenses

24-105/4 for the day hikes.  (NIkon is 24-120/4)

You want the reach more than you want a 24-70/2.8.  

(Optional) 16-35/2.8 for nights/star shots/wide

Long lenses are heavy.  105 is good enough.  

I brought a full-sized tripod, this was simultaneously super-cool and incredibly stupid.  

Maybe a Platypod instead?

Don’t lose your remote trigger the day before like I did.  

Peak Design Clip.  Seriously, amazing little gadget.  

Misc: 

Wallet (Pull the loose change), keys, etc. 

Paper printouts of your South Rim hotel reservations in a Ziploc bag.  

I brought a change of clothing because Grandma was a couple days behind me, but an extra pair of underwear and socks is probably a good idea.   

Extra batteries.  

I blew out 2 camera batteries and an entire 26K mAh battery over 3 days with a camera, a phone, and satellite comms.  

Fitness that will keep you from death:

Broadly Speaking: 

Ankles/Calves/Feet are stability

Quads are power

Hips and back and chest hold the backpack up 

Mine weighed 35 pounds, this is not nothing. 

Cardio matters at the very end, gets outweighed by stability until then.  

1MPH at 7K feet is 3MPH at sea level basically.  And you can do 3 MPH now.  

Arms kinda sorta show up and help a little bit on the hill climbs?

Pretty much your order of priority is top to bottom.  Ankles giving out is a $10000 helicopter ride and months of rehab, legs giving out is a surprise lunchtime and an hour-long rest sitting on a rock somewhere.  

Ankles: 

BALANCE BALANCE BALANCE, also Lyle’s calf rotation starting about 6 months out, ending 4 just in case you injure something. 

Legs: 

Leg press and one-legged leg press.  Also stairs.  Loaded stairs if possible.   Press it UP!  Press, press, press.  I got up to 700 pounds on an incline press.  

Legs, but also Cardio:

Bring your backpack and wear your hiking boots to the gym, take a treadmill, and go slow and highly angled for a long time.  Speed up as you get better.  You use subtly different muscles when you have ankle protection on because the Achilles is no longer able to act as a spring.  Train them hard now.  

If you’ve got a good hill climb near you, be religious about that.  

There are worse things than finding an ice cream shop 10 miles away, walking there with a fully loaded pack for hours and hours, getting the biggest ice cream they have, and Ubering home.  

Hips/Back/etc: 

Hip hinges with perfect back posture.  Deadlifts wreck the back and risk injury, but rack pulls are perfect.  Load up, load up, load up.  

Other back exercises: Cable rows with perfect back posture, Pulldowns with perfect back posture.  

Arms: 

So you did cable rows, right?  Yeah, that’ll get you some good enough arms.  

-------------------------------

Whatever you end up doing, pause it 2-3 months out.  Avoid injury.  Maintain your lifts, lose 10 pounds, and maybe up the cardio a tad.  

And good luck and enjoy.  

[footballfangurl]

Marco Asensio - Beach Days

Hi guys! Here is the next one-shot. Please let me know what you think of it 💕

Request: Can you write a Marco Asensio imagine where him and the reader are married and they take their baby boy to the beach for the first time?

"Babe, did you bring the sunscreen?"

"Yeah, I put it in the bag this morning." You said, shifting your son to your other hip and adjusting the bag on your shoulder so that it was no longer in danger of slipping off. You glanced up, thankful for the sunglasses you had on, as the sun was glaring down at you quite heavily.

"Did you remember to pack an extra hat for Teo?"

"Yes, Marco."

"And did you remember to put the snacks we prepared last night in the bag?"

"Yes, amor."

"And did you-"

"Marco," You cut your husband off, shooting him an exasperated glare which probably didn't work as well with your sunglasses on, but it was the thought that counted. Marco smiled sheepishly, the beach umbrella slung over his shoulder and the cooler, which held your food, gripped tightly in his other hand, "I can assure you, that everything you're thinking of right now, I've brought. Now stop worrying and focus on finding a good spot on the beach."

There were a lot of people already, even though you had insisted on going a little bit earlier than Marco has suggested in an attempt at getting a decent spot on the beach. It had been very hard, however, to get Marco out of bed this morning. He had a week off and you had decided to take a trip to the coastal area for the first time since your son was born. Marco usually liked to sleep in on holidays, but since you had suggested taking Teo to the beach for the first time in his life, he wasn't able to today because you wanted to avoid the majority of the tourists that would no doubt be all over the beach. It took a little bit of persuading for him to wake up but eventually you had succeeded in your efforts and he rolled out of bed, relucantly trudging towards the bathroom to get ready for your day out.

"Well this looks like the best we're going to get." Marco said, stopping in his tracks on a relatively open spot on the sand and putting the beach umbrella and the cooler down. You could tell he was a little bit annoyed about the crowd

"What on earth are people doing at freaking 8 a.m. on the beach already? It's still early morning, they should all still be in bed. We," Marco emphasized, looking sideways at you pointedly, "should still be in bed."

"If I let you stay in bed, you'd wake up at noon and there would be no place left on the beach. Now stop nagging and help me settle Teo down." You said, struggling to carry both the bag on your shoulder and your son in your arms since he was beginning to squirm around, wanting to be put down on the sand so he could play. Marco took the bag off your shoulder, opening the zipper and taking out a toy for Teo so he could keep himself busy for a few minutes while you and Marco laid everything out on the sand so you could enjoy a nice, quiet day at the beach. Marco had actually suggested hiring a private beach somewhere but you had insisted in coming to a public one because you liked being surrounded by people. It gave you the typical beach feeling.

After you got everything settled, you sat down on a towel with a magazine in your hand and some sunscreen in the other so you could make sure your son was protected from the sun. After fussing about being detained too long from playing with his toy, you let him go to turn your attention to your husband, who'd already shed his shirt so you could rub his shoulders and back in with sunscreen. Whilst you were doing it, you couldn't help letting your hands wander down to his sides, where Marco was very ticklish. You had laughed so hard at his reaction because he had yelped and giggled so loudly before squirming away, that it had earned you a playful shove to the sand. He really should have known better, though, when he had asked you to rub in his shoulders and back. Really, what else had he expected to happen.

It didn't take Marco and Teo long to wander off, Teo on Marco's hip as they made their way to the sea. Teo was carrying his little blue shovel and bucket in his hands, ready to make some sandcastles with his dad. You grinned at the sight and snapped a quick picture with your phone before settling down to read your magazine in peace.

After a while, the both of them wandered back towards you, claiming they were hungry. It was only about 10:30 but the sun was already shining down quite hard. You gave them some of the fruit Marco had helped you prepare the night before and tried to go back to reading your magazine but that clearly wasn't to your son's satisfaction because he instantly began tattling away to you about the sandcastle he had built. Listening attentively, you nodded as you reached out and brushed away some of the sand that had stuck to his cheek.

It didn't even take him 3 minutes before something else captured his attention and he was turning away from you. You didn't mind, of course, and only warned him not to wander off before you turned half of your attention back to your magazine. Marco, meanwhile, was shifting his attention between scrolling on his phone and keeping an eye on Teo.

Aboyt 20 minutes later, however, you suddenly heard whispering and hushed giggles coming from where Marco was sitting. Glancing upwards, you raised an eyebrow when you saw that Marco had his arms wrapped around Teo from behind and was whispering something in his ear. When they noticed you were watching them, they gave you bright and innocent smiles and you instantly knew they were up to something. And they didn't prove you wrong.

You straightened up from where you were lying down as Teo wandered over to you and slung himself around your neck, wrapping his tiny arms around you and going, "Mamáaaaa?". You wrapped your arms around him as well so he wouldn't fall backwards or anything.

"Yes?" You answered amusedly, keeping an eye on Marco out of the corner of your eye as he started rummaging around in the cooler.

"Te quiero." He pronounced carefully, scrunching up his nose at the more difficult syllables. You chuckled and pressed a kiss to his forehead, opening your mouth to answer him when you noticed Marco climbing to his feet with a cold bottle of water in his hand. Your eyes flickered towards him as he unscrewed the bottle and all of a sudden, you felt the water running down your back and you gasped in surprise at the cold feeling, jumping up and out of the way with your son still clutched in your arms. The latter was giggling away uncontrollably at your reaction.

"Joder, es frío! Eres un cabron, Marco!" You cursed, the swear words slipping out before you could stop them. You put your son, who was remarkebly dry as Marco had made sure not to spill too much water on him, down on the sand and spun around towards Marco, who was laughing as well. You frowned at him and pushed him down in the sand, and your husband went down easily, still chuckling away.

He held his hand out towards Teo and high-fived him, telling him "Good job buddy, mamá was really surprised". And when your son giggled in agreement and started recounting what had happened in excitement, you found it hard to keep a smile off your face. Still, you made sure to keep in mind to pay Marco back one day for this prank.

After the excitement of the two of them teaming up on you had worn off, however, it was clear Teo was getting a bit tired so you made sure that he ate something as he probably would be falling asleep not long after. He and Marco both liked napping after eating something and that wouldn't change just because you were on the beach. And once again, you were proven right.

Marco and Teo eventually fell asleep on the towel next to you, Teo spread over Marco's chest with his head resting on Marco's shoulder. Marco, in return, had his arm slung around him to make sure that your son didn't fall off. They looked so adorable sleeping together like that, that you couldn't resist taking a picture with your phone and making it your background picture. It was moments like these that you appreciated the most, where you could just lay back and spend time with the two most important people in your life. Even though they could be really mischievous sometimes.

Standing up, you looked upwards at the sun and then back down again towards your two sleeping beauties. They'd get burned if they kept lying in the sun like that. Sighing, you pulled the beach umbrella out of the sand and then adjusted it so that the two of them were mostly covered by shadows. The sun was in an annoying position, however. There wasn't any place for you in the shadow anymore and at that moment, you knew your fate was to get sunburned.

And you made sure to complain about your red and sensitive shoulders and back to Marco all the way to the car. The both of you knew, however, that while you certainly hadn't enjoyed being burned by the sun, you hadn't exactly meant any of the complaints either. You'd get sunburned a hundred times over if it meant that your family could remain unharmed.

Translation:

Te quiero: I love you

Joder: curse word 😉

Eres un cabron: you're an asshole

Tag list: @tumpaasaye @avsensio @leroysanei @theblxefox @no-not-with-out-you @softstonsey @rafinasmarco @kiki0kitty0queen @the-place-to-sparkle@football-laeli @del-boi @neymarlionelmessi7 @i-ship-it-okay

[sj-thefan]

III

I went to the circus every night that week.

By the fourth night, I had a permanently reserved seat, courtesy of Mr. Barnum. It was right in the front where I could see everything.

On the sixth night, Mr. Barnum introduced me to the cast after the show. They were all curious to meet the girl who came to their show every night.

I met the Bearded Lady first, but she preferred the name 'Lettie'. She was very kind and thanked me many times for coming to the show every night.

"I should be thanking you," I said. "You're the one who brightened up my ordinary world with your performance. I just watch."

She laughed and smiled at me. She resumed getting out of her costume while Mr. Barnum introduced me to some more people.

"Tom Thumb," he told me, "was the first to join the show." Mr. Barnum explained how he had seen Charles in a bank and a few days later offered him the job. "Tom here was the one who made this possible."

"Thanks, P.T." I admired Tom's uniform as he spoke. It was very well made and obviously custom, which probably made it very costly, but I doubt he knew that. It didn't seem like Mr. Barnum would talk about the cost of things very often.

Next, I met the Lord of Leeds, Fedor Jeftichew, and Prince Constantine. The Lord and Prince were playfully arguing while the dog boy stood info the middle turning his head to follow the speaker. When P.T. and I walked up, they stopped.

"Hey, Barnum!" Lord of Leeds said before he noticed me. "Well, if it isn't our greatest fan. It's nice to finally meet you!" He gripped my hand tightly as she shook it. He looked even bigger up close.

"Call me y/n."

"Forgive this buffoon," Prince Constantine playfully nudged the Lord out of the way as he grabbed my hand. "Prince Constantine," he leaned down and kissed my hand, "at your service."

I just giggled. Up close I could see each of his tattoos. They were mesmerizing. "I like your tattoos," I said. "They're beautiful."

"Why thank you y/n." He smiled at me before turning to the Lord of Leeds and sticking his tongue out.

Fedor had been watching us the entire time and once Prince Constantine had turned slightly away from me, he took the opening and grabbed my hand, shaking it wildly. He didn't say anything, just smiled.

I smiled back. "It's nice to meet you too."

The four men laughed and soon Fedor and I joined in.

Mr. Barnum introduced me to everyone else fairly quickly. There was Chang and Eng Bunker, the conjoined twins; Frank Lentini, the three-legged man; Jeff Harris, a juggler; and the Albino Twins. When I met the Irish Giant he almost fell on me. They were all captivating.

Eventually, Mr. Barnum said he had to go, something to do with his family. He said I could stay if I wanted but I politely declined.

I almost didn't meet the Wheeler siblings. It was when I was making my way out of the building when I ran into them.

I was startled at first and quietly apologized for running into them but once I realized who they were, I couldn't contain my excitement. "You're the trapeze acrobats!" I almost shouted. "You guys are awesome."

They both looked back at me, shocked filled their faces from what I said and from when I ran into them. They mumbled a thank you.

"I'm y/n, by the way. Y/n y/l/n." I held out my hand to them.

"Oh, you're our reserved seat," Anne realized. I could see them relax quite a bit then. "I'm Anne Wheeler," she shook my hand, "and this is my brother W.D."

I let go of her hand before shaking his as well. "It's an honour to meet you both. I could never do what you do." I didn't stop smiling.

I talked to them a while longer before realizing what time it was. I said a quick goodbye before I rushed back home.

"Where were you?" my mother asked when I walked through the door. Her small body was seated on a chair near the fire. Her old features were highlighted by the flame.

"I was at the circus," I stated confidently.

She scoffed at me. "You always get home at 8:30 when you go. It's nearly 10 o'clock. So again, where were you?"

"I was at the circus. I stayed afterwards to meet everyone."

Her eyes widened at my statement before she began shouting. "Y/n y/m/n y/l/n! I will not have you being friends with these creatures. It's bad enough you go watch their show every night, but to actually talk to them- "she took a deep breath," it is disgraceful."

"They are just people mother!" I yelled back at her.

"I will not have you place shame upon our family with this. If you continue, you will be disowned."

To say I was shocked would be a complete misunderstanding. I was furious! I turned from the woman who gave birth to me and walked to my room.

I couldn't understand her decision. Could she not see they were people? Was she so concerned with her own image that she couldn't be bothered with me? I had known she was conceited, but I never thought she would disown me because I wasn't.

The next morning, she was waiting in the kitchen for me.

"You have to leave." Her face showed no emotion.

"Pardon me?" I quietly questioned.

"I talked to your father and we agreed. People have already begun distancing themselves. You need to leave." Her voice was stern but her face remained free from emotion.

I could feel my eyes fill with sadness. A part of me had hoped she would change her mind, that she would put her daughter before her ego. But I was wrong.

"I've arranged a ride for you at 10 o'clock. You will leave then." With that, she rose from her seat and left.

I stared at her seat for a few moments. When I finally broke out of the trance I headed back to my room. I didn't eat anything, I wasn't hungry. The only thing I did that morning was pack.

I wouldn't give my mother the satisfaction of knowing I had nowhere to go, so I packed all my clothes and personal belongings and acted like I would be staying with a friend.

No one was around when I left. It was a good thing though. If I had seen my mother and father, I would have been alright, they kicked me out, but my brothers would probably be there and I couldn't face them.

I probably would have burst into tears if I saw them. I had wanted to take my brother's to the circus earlier in the week, but my parents had forbidden it. The boys didn't understand the world. Zachary was only six and would probably forget I ever existed, especially if my parents refuse to talk about their disgraceful ex-daughter. Thomas would probably remember me as a distant relative. He was ten so he might remember my face but not my name.

I hoped that Victor would help them remember me. He was seventeen though, and once he turns eighteen, he will join the army. That's what he's always wanted. To protect our country. Victor was my parents favorite. Even though I was two and a half years older, and always tried to be perfect, nothing I ever did was good enough, so eventually I stopped trying so hard. I know why he was their favorite. After they had me they wanted a boy, to carry on the y/l/n name. They tried and when my mother got pregnant, they were ecstatic.

At least until the accident.

She was about halfway through her pregnancy and I was still less than a year old. It was time for my nap and I was crying. My mom had left my room, but after half an hour of crying, she decided to come back and check on me. Usually, she would send the nurse she had hired to help her, but she had given her the day off, so my mother was alone with me.

My mother left the living room in a hurry to get to me upstairs. While climbing the stairs, she misstepped and tripped. She fell forwards and slid down the stairs, still on her belly.

She got up and seemed okay. When she continued her journey to my room, she carefully moved slower. When she got to my room, not five minutes later, I was asleep.

When they had an unexpected early birth, the baby was stillborn. It was a boy. They named him Albert and held a funeral for him.

It took them almost a year to get pregnant again, and when they did my mother put herself on bed rest. I didn't see her for nine months.

When Victor was born healthy, my parents were happy. My childhood was spent watching my parents coddle and praise him, while I studied in the library.

I've always suspected they resent and blame me for Albert's death. There is nothing I could have done about it. I was a baby. It wasn't my fault. But they would never admit their resentment, so I could never defend myself.

After I helped the steward put my bags on the back of the carriage I got in. The silence I sat in was interrupted by a question.

"Where am I headed today, miss?" the steward asked.

I hesitated. I had nowhere to go. All my friends were my friends because of my family. Without that, I was just another person they saw on the streets.

"Miss?"

"Yes, um- could you take me-," I thought back to what he said. "-Wait. Did you say today? Do I have you for the entire day?"

"Yes, ma'am," he beamed. "I am to take you wherever you wish to go today. Mrs. Y/l/n wants you to go however far you wish. I assume I will have to pick you up tomorrow, though."

She hadn't told him. I assumed she wouldn't tell anyone until I was out of the city, but where did she expect me to go.

"In that case, could you take me to the library for now. I'll tell you where to take me after I'm done there." My best thinking was done in the library. I could always find a solution when I'm at the library, and now I needed one more than ever.

"Don't fail me now," I mumbled as the carriage began to move.

I had been at the library for almost two hours, going back and forth between thinking and reading the book in front of me.

I still hadn't come up with a place I could go. I couldn't go to an old friend, they probably wouldn't take me in, given I've been disowned and such. I no longer had any family to go to either. My only option would be to find a place of my own. I had saved up some cash but not a lot. It would have to be a cheap place.

Now I was in the midst of deciding what to do. It was Sunday, so I couldn't check the paper. I would have to look tomorrow. For now, I didn't know what to do or where to stay.

I needed a little happiness to brighten up my dull and dreary day. So I left the library and told the steward to take me to the greatest place to be.

After stopping at a local fruit stand, I headed to my destination. I got to P.T. Barnum's Circus a little after 1. The show was supposed to start at 2 o'clock today, so the building was open now.

"Hello, Mr. Barnum!" I called to the man as he was running around.

He stopped when he heard the sound of my voice. When his eyes met mine, his lips turned into a brilliant grin. I was already happier.

"Miss y/n. I wasn't expecting you until a little later," he handed off the box in his hands to one of the stagehands and mumbled some instructions before turning back towards me and taking a step forward. "Not that I don't enjoy seeing you!"

I smiled back at him and took some steps to meet him halfway. "Just some family trouble, so I thought I'd come early."

His smile faltered slightly. "Is everything alright?"

"Not really, but it's nothing to concern yourself with," I attempted to reassure him.

His smile was gone, replaced with a look of worry. "Are you sure? If there's anything I can do to help, I want to do it. You were my first customer and a daily regular to the show, I want to help if I can."

"I'm afraid there's nothing you can do," I mumbled before slowly adding, "unless you know a place that's cheap and looking for tenants."

"Your parents kicked you out!?" he was almost yelling. "Why?"

"Because apparently associating with nice, kind, and amazingly wonderful people is the wrong kind of people." I was starting to get angry now too. "They wanted me to follow societies rules, but I won't abandon anyone because they are weird or different. It's not right."

Mr. Barnum looked slightly shocked at my stern voice. I had never been anything other than happy when I was here. I was surprised he recovered so quickly, but his smile was back faster than it disappeared.

"Well-" he didn't get to finish because his wife, Charity Barnum, and their daughters, Caroline and Helen, walked in, laughing and smiling.

"Daddy!" Helen yelled as she ran to her father.

He picked her up. "Hello! How has your day been?"

"It was great. We went to a bakery and got cupcakes and we ate them, then we went to a park and played with the pond ducks, then Caroline and I played tag, and then we saw a dog, and-"

"Don't forget to tell him about the boutique," Charity added.

"Can I tell him, mom?" Caroline asked excitedly.

Charity nodded at her daughter.

"We went to that boutique with all the ballet stuff and we saw the prettiest dress ever. It was pink and had a silk bow," she had her eyes closed as she pictured the dress. "But it was too big," she sighed. "So mommy said that when I'm bigger I could get it."

Hey, I know you," Helen said quizzically.

"Girls, this is y/n. The shows greatest fan!" Mr. Barnum stated proudly.

"Hi," I looked at the little girl, still in Mr. Barnum's arms. "You gave me a flyer at the train station. And I've been here almost every night."

"Oh..." she sighed knowingly. "Well, I'm Helen! And that's my sister," she pointed to the other girl, "Caroline. And my mom's name is Charity."

We all smiled at the little girl. "Thank you for the introductions, Miss Helen," I exclaimed. She giggled.

"I was just about to tell y/n that she would be staying with us until she finds a place." He gave his wife a serious look that he didn't think I saw.

"Oh, of course," she quickly said turning her attention from her husband to me. "It would be lovely to have you."

"Yeah, it would be fun," Caroline added.

"No, it's okay. I don't want to intrude." I gave them a half-smile.

"No y/n. I insist." I knew Mr. Barnum wouldn't give up. So I conceded.

"Alright," I agreed.

"Yay!" Caroline and Helen both began yelling and jumping around excitedly.

"Oh-" Helen stopped suddenly. "You can come to see Caroline's ballet tonight!"

So that was why the circus show was happening early today. I smiled as Caroline added, "yeah!"

I looked to P.T. to make sure it was okay. He nodded at me, his smile filling his face.

"I would love to!" I smiled at the girls.

"Y/N!!" Lettie called. "You're here super early. The show doesn't start for another forty-something minutes." She was seated on the floor with Tom Thumb. Anne, W.D. and Prince Constantine sat on various objects surrounding them. They all wore looks of shock and happiness.

"I just couldn't stay away," I joked with them, even though it was kind of true.

"Well," Anne began. "I'm glad you're here." She got up and walked towards me, a large grin covering her face. "You can help me with my wig. W.D. can never get it right."

I heard him groan from behind her. As he did, Anne and the other cast members burst into laughter.

I watched the show from backstage that night. I had helped some of the cast get ready and in return, they asked me to stay backstage for the show. In between the acts, I would talk to each person about how they did. They were all awesome!

When Anne and W.D. finished their solo act, I chatted with them and made sure Anne's wig was properly situated while we waited for the last act to begin. It was a big group number, with all the cast singing and dancing. They ended their show with this song every night; The Greatest Show.

I watched as everyone began getting in their positions. "Good luck!" I whispered to those I passed as I moved out of the way. They sent grateful smiles in my direction.

As the music started, P.T. moved to the middle of the stage.

"Ladies and gents, this is the moment you've waited for."

I stomped my feet with the cast and some of the crowd who had seen it before.

"Been searching in the dark, your sweat soaking through the floor."

We stomped again.

"And buried in your bones there's an ache that you can't ignore; taking your breath, stealing your mind" The cast started to move forward. "And all that was real is left behind."

I smiled as they began running forward to join P.T.

"Don't fight it, it's coming for you, running at ya. It's only this moment, don't care what comes after. Your fever dream, can't you see it getting closer. Just surrender 'cause you feel the feeling taking over. It's fire, it's freedom, it's flooding open. It's a preacher in the pulpit and you'll find devotion. There's something breaking at the brick of every wall. It's holding all that you know,"

"So tell me do you wanna go?" I sang with them. I caught Lettie, Anne, Constantine, Tom, and P.T. smile when they heard me.

As they kept singing, I did too, but my focus switched between watching the cast and watching Caroline and Helen dance. They got everything right.

The song finished with a standing ovation like it always did. As they ran off stage, I met them in the back.

"You guys were awesome!" I happily said.

They all said their thanks as they passed by to get undressed but a few stayed to talk with me.

"Y/n!" I heard P.T. shout. I turned to face the giddy man. "How did you like it?"

"It was spectacular! Just as amazing, if not slightly better, than the nights before." A smile still covered my face.

"Brilliant!" he boasted. "I'll be just a minute, but then we need to head over to the theatre for Caroline's ballet."

Mr. Barnum had instructed Charity and his daughters to go ahead of us, so Caroline could get ready. When we got there, the place was crowded. I hoped I wouldn't be seen by anyone I knew. It would be awkward for both of us.

Charity and Helen had saved us seats with them in the fifth row. I watched the ballet and when Caroline came on stage, I noticed P.T. had a large smile on his face. It was the same large smile he wore during his performances, one filled with amazement and wonder.

I focused back on Caroline's performance. She was very good. Her smile was bright and covered her face. Her movements were precise and confident. As someone who had spent her childhood in ballet classes, I could tell she was very talented.

After all the group's had preformed, P.T., Charity, Helen and I waited in the lobby for Caroline to come out so we could congratulate her.

The noise level increased as a group of people came out of the theatre. I recognized several of the members but in the centre of the group was a man I hadn't seen in two years. Phillip Carlyle.

His brown hair was neatly hidden under his hat. He was laughing at something one of the many women around him had said, but his blue eyes were lacking their usual shine, despite the smile on his face.

"Hey, sweetie, who is that young man over there?" I heard P.T ask Charity from behind me. I turned and followed his eye line. He was referring to Phillip.

"That is Phillip Carlyle," Charity answered. "A bit of a scandal, they say. - His last play was a hit in London."

"- Play? Pay good money to watch people stand around and talk for two hours, and they call me a con man."

Phillip and I had been friends when we were younger. I always thought my mother would try to marry me off to the Carlyle boy, but once I stopped trying to please her, she turned her attention to other things. Then Phillip was sent away to school when we were 16 and we hadn't talked since, although I had heard many stories of his various romantic escapades.

I glanced over at P.T. and saw his signature look of wonder. I couldn't imagine what he was thinking.

I saw his face suddenly morph into sadness. I followed his eyes. They were watching Caroline approach some members of her ballet group. As I watched, the girls said something I couldn't hear before walking away from Caroline. It was disturbing to see her treated horribly.

As Caroline approached our group, I noticed P.T. and Charity had been talking.

"-shouldn't have to," P.T. was saying. Their conversation had finished when Caroline arrived.

I gave Caroline a hug and told her she was great. In return, she sent me a half-smile.

As we were walking to the carriage, P.T. was praising Caroline. "I can see it right now. 'Youngest prima ballerina in the history of the City ballet,'" he was saying.

"- I'm quitting," Caroline bluntly stated shocking all of us, P.T. especially.

"-What? Why would you quit?"

"I started too late. I will never catch up."

"Carol-" I started but was interrupted by the oldest Barnum.

"Caroline, you were the best dancer on that stage," P.T. said. "What? Do you think I can't spot talent?" P.T. replied to her eye roll.

"Ballet takes years of hard work. It's not like the circus. You can't just fake it." Caroline rushed towards the carriage, leaving P.T. standing with his mouth slightly opened in shock.

I continued my walk, certain that the reason Caroline wanted to quit was because of those girls, not her lack of experience.

When we reached the mansion, Caroline went straight to her room. I was shown the guest room by Charity who hurried away to calm her husband.

I had difficulty drifting off to sleep that night. My mind was preoccupied with thoughts of my family, Phillip, and Caroline. Why was life so difficult?

Previous Part | Next Part

[antonixfawley]

About: Antoni Fawley

“ I’ll keep all my plans close to my chest . . . ”

Introduction

name: Antoni Fabian Fawley also known as: Toni age: 23 birthday:  January 30 astrological sign:  Aquarius species:  Human gender:  Male pronouns:  He/Him orientation: Queer

Past/Bio

Early life: Antonio was raised by two loving parents, Peter and Lena Fawley. His father’s family came from a long line of pureblood, members of the sacred twenty-eight in fact. Though his family did keep their bloodline pure, they only did so out of tradition, and not because they really put much stock into blood purity. The Fawley’s were a long line of Hufflepuffs, with nearly every member being sorted into the badger house, aside from those who married into the family, such as Antoni’s mother. So of course he was raised on values of loyalty and hard work, kindness and gratitude, all the makings of another fine Hufflepuff student. Antoni never really clicked with those things, though. He wasn’t as interested in family activities as he was in reading alone in his room, he found making in depth maps of the land surrounding his family home much more engaging than playing silly games or doing chores on those lands. He had difficultly finding time alone growing up, as his father insisted he stay out and spend time with his siblings as well as aunts, uncles and cousins who were always at the estate for one reason or another. From fancy dinner parties to family game night to simply having tea, the Fawley’s adore entertaining guests. Antoni’s mother understood though, the polish witch being a bit introverted herself, she knew her oldest son was a bit more like her than his fathers side of the family. She would let Antoni leave dinner a bit early some days, or skip out on tea to have some alone time. She let him stay up later so he could read a few more pages of whatever book he was on at the time, when his siblings had to go to bed early. Growing up in a household with such high expectations for their children to be a certain way, Antoni became quite calculated in his behavior. He chose when to sneak away and when to be present with family, quickly learning when the right time to speak was, and when he should hold his tongue. He kept most of his thoughts to himself, already being so distant from his siblings and family, he didn’t want to further alienate himself by making any wrong moves. Hogwarts: When Antoni went off to Hogwarts, his whole family was ecstatic to see the eldest son find a place in the line of Hufflepuff legacies, but when the sorting hat touched his head, it had no hesitation before shouting out “Ravenclaw!” to the hall. Most children would be mortified of not being placed in their family’s house, but all of a sudden he saw a sea of blue rise up and welcome him in, a sea of people just like him. He felt like all his years of running off to find a quiet spot, staying up late in secret to read or write were validated now, he wasn’t the odd one out anymore. Antoni’s family, of course, were supportive anyways. After all, what kind of Hufflepuff wouldn’t support their family? There was always teasing though, and his siblings and countless Hufflepuff cousins never let him forget that he was different, he was odd, but he didn’t mind what they said. He knew who he was and he didn’t care what anyone else thought. Toni’s years at Hogwarts gave him time to grow and branch out, finding interest in astronomy, arithmatic, potions, and history the most, though he excelled in all his courses. He continued his hobbie of map making, working tirelessly to document every part of the castle that he could, drawing extensive separate maps of each floor and the grounds. He found many friends in ravenclaw, as well as some outside his house, though he always preferred to be alone when given the chance. He didn’t really find much interest in dating for the first few years of school, but around fifth year, his friends around him began to couple up he knew he needed to blend in with the behavior and found himself beginning to flirt and be more outgoing with other students. His family credits these years as when he started to blossom, as he began to stop secluding himself and interacted much more with others. He enjoyed these little flirtations he found, and some even blossomed into relationships, though they never lasted long. He wasn’t very focused on actually finding love or romance, he was just having fun with what he found to be a challenge. He wanted to see how easily he could get someone to trust him and fall for him, often playing mind games with the people he dated. Antoni grew into an extremely intelligent, calculating, and focused individual, crafting a reputation for himself as a charming, friendly young man with a bit of a heartbreaker streak. Current life: After leaving Hogwarts, Antoni ventures into various places of employment, testing out office jobs, interning at various places, including the Daily Prophet for a spell, though it didn’t last long. None really ever did since he was easily bored and would just quit, getting a new job whenever he wanted. Due to the high marks he reached on both his OWL and NEWT exams, pretty much any job was available to him. Then, Antoni had found an interest in Ministry work, and law had always been eye catching to him as well. Currently, he has been working as an intern for the Auror department at the ministry of magic. He found a place with the Death Eaters not long after graduation, his intellect and moral ambiguity being good qualities for him to apply to the group. He had never grown up being taught about blood purity, but he of course learned of it in school and was quickly swayed. After all, he was a Fawley, a member of the Sacred Twenty-eight. In his mind, he deserved a spot at that table, and he was going to get what he was owed.

About

personality: charming, calculated, friendly, intelligent, and self-serving label:  The Facade positive traits:  clever, passionate, level-headed negative traits: self-serving, two-faced, easily bored alignment: True Neutral goals/desires:  find something that interest him and holds his interest, gain power in society fears:  being bored, not finding anything engaging that can intellectually challenge him hobbies:  map making, reading, writing, calligraphy. habits: zoning out, over explaining things, lying

Appearance

Face claim:  Thomas Doherty height: 6ft eye color: Blue hair description: * color: Dark Brown * highlights: none * length: medium * worn: shaved on the sides, long on top, usually messy and tousled or styled up scars:  none piercings:  none tattoos: drawing of the golden ratio with a shell and an outline of Poland on his right forearm. A quill on the back of his neck, if you look closely the ink is actually dark blue, not black. clothing style: Clean, often a t shirts and jeans with a flamboyant statement jacket. For work he wears a suit, often dark blue. usual expression: Neutral, basically has RBF distinguishing characteristics: speaks polish sometimes. health physical ailments:  none neurological conditions: insomnia allergies:  none sleeping habits:  bad he doesn’t sleep enough eating habits:  also bad he isn’t starving tho exercise habits: decent he likes to keep in shape emotional stability: he isnt very emotional and doesn’t get worked up by much sociability: he’s quite sociable only because he forces himself to be to make himself look good, he would rather not be social. body temperature: cold addictions:  coffee/tea/energy drinks(caffeine) drug use: social alcohol use: moderate-high

Relationships

father:  Peter Fawley, distant, he doesn’t really understand his son but still has a civil and kind relationship. mother:  Lena Fawley, positive, his mother is supportive of him and they are close siblings:  distant, less positive, since his siblings don’t like how much he distances himself from them. relatives: Most- neutral, distant, he doesn’t associate with most of his relatives. Jasper Travers (cousin), positive, friendly. family line of work:  Ministry work, quidditch players, politicians.   best friends:  open!!! cohorts:  Scorpius Malfoy, Marcelina Bloem, Daisy Dursley, Doe Creevy, Dominique Weasley, Dylan Parkinson idk there’s a lot significant other: none atm gimme crush: open exes: open!! Pls hmu for this connection I’m sure he has loads followers: plots frenemies: plots enemies: gimme plots

Education

school:  Hogwarts house:  Ravenclaw best core class:  Astronomy, potions, charms, defense against the dark arts worst core class:  Care of Magical Creatures quidditch:  no extra-curricular: astronomy club idk probably others I can’t think rn

Magic

wand: * length: 10 3/4 inch * flexibility: unyielding flexibility * wood: Elder * core: Unicorn Hair pets:  none boggart:  boredom animagus/patronus:  Wild Rabbit amortentia: old books, grass, firewood

Favorites

theme song:  wait for it- Hamilton food: toast drink:  coffee/tea color:  navy blue animal:  mouse flower:  lavender season: fall

[borrowedbackpack]

That Time I Got Very Sick in Nepal

Hello from the Hong Kong airport and welcome back back once again to Borrowed Backpack. I apologize for the interruption in our regularly scheduled trekking content, but a) trekking is kind of boring (how many different ways can I say that I walked, ate, and petted dogs?) and b) I have exciting tales from a real live Foreign Medical Emergency! Let me walk you through it:

September 5th, 2019, Morning

           I am living my best air-conditioned Kathmandu life! My hair and skin love the humidity! My mouth loves the pancakes! My body loves the coffee! Hooray! I go to a nice café where I eat my Last Meal. I cannot describe this because, while I don’t believe it was what made me sick, thinking about it makes me gag since it was the last thing I ate before becoming Very Sick. I even have a picture of it because it was very pretty, and I think I’m going to have to get someone to go into my phone and delete it because if I look at it I will die. You probably understand this I don’t have to explain it to you.

           I enjoyed a couple games of cards and the café because I am an Old Person and then went for a walk around. On my walk around my legs started to hurt and I started to feel hot and tired. So I pounded a litre of water and embarked on a food tour. Of course.

A dog I met on the tour.

           The food tour guides were very nice and sweet and knew everything about Nepal (one of them was a guide and one of them was a guide in training). Once I told the guide-in-training that I loved dogs he started pointing out all the dogs to me which I appreciated. Also he knew facts about some of the dogs. Like which ones were related and such. Which I also appreciated. I made it through 2 stops on this tour although it definitely was not my Best Eating Work because at this point I was not feeling amazing and was in survival mode. I had some tea and then a lentil pancake (the lentil pancake was so heckin good even in my horrible state). Then they took us to momos and I tried to persevere because I love momos. And these were high quality ones in sauce. But 1/3 through my first momo I was like “I can’t do this everyone I am so sick” and then immediately zoomed (probably didn’t zoom) to a nearby pile of wet garbage to gag into. I would like everyone to know that at this point I was basically actively throwing up and the tour guide came over and PATTED ME and tried to reassure me. The level of service and attentiveness these people provide for like $10 is wild. Then they went to the trouble of locating a taxi and negotiating a reasonable rate with the driver and trying to explain to them where my hotel was. Amazing.

           Anyways then I had to survive the taxi ride to the hotel, which, in case you have never been in a KTM taxi before, is very treacherous. “There are much bumps” the driver told me apologetically.

“Yes” I said.

Several eternities later and after near misses with countless people, dogs, motorbikes, and other cars, we arrived back in AC land. I limped up the stairs and collapsed directly on my face into my bed. The only times I moved for the next several hours were to barf or to try to move my body into a more comfortable position so that all my limbs didn’t feel like they were exploding.

 At some time during the early afternoon or evening, I started saying things that didn’t make sense/were unnecessary.

“how many people even live in Australia? Why are they all here?”

Then I saw the Zipper Octopus. It is like an octopus, but he has zippers on his tentacles so he can go from a uni-tentacle octopus to a normal octopus to change up his look. Innovative. I believe he also had a hat.

  Then I slept a little bit. Then at 1:30am I started screaming for medical attention and also that I wasn’t going to survive the night. I think Chris agreed with this sentiment so he found a hospital, the kind I wouldn’t die at (I’ve seen some YouTube videos about hospitals in the developing world). But then I fell asleep again. 3:45am or something I woke up and did some more screaming/howling (P.S. I am so sorry to all of the other guests on the first floor and probably the other floors of the Timber House Hotel in Kathmandu, Nepal. I truly thought I was dying and I guess my final wish was to go out screaming). So then a taxi was summoned and I inexplicably donned my bright orange GoreTex jacket in preparation. I put in an absolutely massive effort to walk down one flight of stairs, out the door, and into the taxi. I then slumped in the taxi for like 3 years while Chris, the taxi driver, the hotel security guard, and the hotel front desk guy all tried to figure out where the hospital was. I guess it was eventually decided upon because we soon drove away on a Very Much Bumpy road. “careful of the dogs” I mumbled to myself.

           When we arrived at the hospital a guard had to let us in through a big gate. Sadly I was too ill to appreciate this moment of exclusivity. I used my final strength reserves to basically tuck and roll out of the taxi and get into that hospital as quickly as I could.

“Hi” I said gravely to the reception dude “I am very sick”

“Okay!” he said cheerily. “Let’s go to the emergency room then!”

So then I got to go to the emergency room where I blessedly was able to lie down under a lot of blankets (I was very chilly despite my GoreTex gear). Immediately a nurse started attending to me. First she took me temperature and was like “whoa! High fever!”*

*I prefer if medical professionals don’t remark about my Condition but okay.

Then she remarked about my low blood pressure, high pulse, etc etc etc basically I was in rough shape. Then she drew some blood and started an IV to rehydrate me but that was a bit of an issue because I have bad veins. Eventually she got a good stab in and I began hydrating.*

*I would like to take this time to thank modern medicine. As soon as I had a bag of fluid in me I started feeling a lot better. I think a lot of my problems were compounded by the fact that I had been too tired and nauseous to drink water for a lot of the night.

Then the doctor came in and he was very nice and apologized about the IV. Then he started asking me about my trip to Nepal, etc etc. When trekking came up, he was like “oh! How was the Lukla flight?” and I was like this is not the time to discuss the Lukla flight. Anyways, I guess between the doctor, the nurse, and the nice receptionist it was decided that I was sick and could stay. So I got to go in a wheelchair upstairs to a nice room overlooking some embassy (there was a guy with a big gun pacing back and forth there all day).

           They proceeded to give me lots of drugs through the IV, which contributed to me feeling a lot better in a relatively short amount of time. Again, modern medicine is a miracle. Also since there were no other patients there in the early morning/night, I think everyone was kind of bored so I got waited on a lot, especially when a bunch more nurses came in the morning. Like I got tucked in once and hour and stuff. This was a nice touch.

I legit don’t remember taking this disgusting picture but in case you’re wondering what you look like after they pump fluids into you for 30 ish hours while you lay in bed...it’s this.

           The rest is not too terribly interesting. In the afternoon I started feeling sick again and my fever went up so the doctor decided I should probably change my flight (I was supposed to fly back to Canada that night). Happily my mom and sponsor Jen took care of that for me back in Canada. I slept through most of the rest of the stay, started to feel better in the mid-morning of the next day, and was freed from my IV line to go for a walk around the hallways (the nice nurse freed me even though the nice doctor told me I didn’t look very good and should stay another night). I went for a nice walk and saw a white guy downstairs requesting a rabies vaccine. Hopefully it was the pre-exposure one.

I was trying to walk around shoeless and the nurse came chasing after me like “Anna! Anna! we have the shoes for you!” Sadly I did not get to keep The Shoes.

After that I got to go on an outdoor walk, which was weird because I hadn’t seen the light of day in like 30+ hours. Chris took me on a tour of the fancy embassy/ex-pat neighbourhood that he had wandered around for many hours looking for the “plain noodle soup” I had kept requesting during my illness. I even got to make a triumphant appearance at the home of the soup:

“Here’s my girlfriend! She’s still alive!”

“ah ha!” said the soup guy “how was your soup?”

After passing all the walking tests (I am an excellent walker), I was officially freed from the hospital. I would like to note that my entire stay at this bougie* hospital didn’t cost any cash money at all, thanks to my parents’ sweet Canadian travel health insurance and also the hospital for being good at dealing insurance companies.

*100% nicer than any medical facility I have visited in Canada

And this is what you look like after you walk a little bit and the fluid relocates. And when the hospital lobby has good lightning. Highly recommend the selfie lightning at CIWEC.

So thank you CIWEC Hospital in Kathmandu for bringing me back from what I thought was the brink of death (but probably wasn’t), thank you to my parents insurance and my parents for remaining calm, switching my flights, and dealing with all that stuff on the other side of the world, and thank you to my boyfriend Christopher who doesn’t read the blog but sure dealt with a lot of screaming, located the noodle soup, put my hair in a horrible bun, found out how many people live in Australia for me, and otherwise waited on me day and night for quite a while. All absolute legends.