#to be frank I’ve only seen seasons 1-9

[toasty-broski]

I’m finally okay with admitting this and I don’t care about the backlash this might get but I’m being so serious when I say that Castiel does nothing for me. He was good in seasons 4/5. Tolerable at best in seasons 6/7. They really amped up his storyline in season 8 but to be honest I cared more about Sam and Dean (obviously) than anything, and by the end of the season he just annoyed me. Season 9 was the confirmation I needed that I just did not like him 💀. He’s more annoying to me than likable and that just takes me out of the show a little bit and why I (sometimes) skip some parts that he’s in. (Like the whole storyline of him sleeping with the possessed angel woman while he was homeless, that just gave me weird vibes LMAO)(to be fair he didn’t know but it was just so fucking WEIRD).

I have a list of reasons why I don’t like him and why I probably never will but oh well.

[ivegoneawayinsidemyhead]

9-1-1 Fic Recs: Friends With Benefits Edition

[Buck/Eddie recs + a BONUS TK/Carlos rec]

all good things come to an end (but it's not the end) by wafflesofdoom (Rating: E, ~10,700 words)

“Okay, hear me out,” Buck said. "What if we have sex?”

[...]or, craving intimacy during quarantine, buck and eddie strike up a friends with benefits situation. because it couldn't possibly go wrong.

All This Love I’ve Borrowed by lobotomite (Rating: M, ~30,900 words)

Eddie insists he forgives Buck. He even does a convincing job of acting like it. But there's one thing Buck knows, and it's that things don't just go back to normal - not like that, not for him. So he sets about pushing Eddie into letting everything out so Buck can finally make it all up to him.

He didn't expect the making it up to involve the bedroom, but if that's what it takes, he can't say he minds.

Bad Neighbors by firstdegreefangirl (Rating: E, ~25,200 words)

Eddie's new neighbors are keeping him up all night. He calls on his best friend for a little taste of their own medicine.

bro·ken by kristen999 (Rating: M, ~32,100 words)

Forced to take shady side jobs to pay his bills, Evan Buckley doesn’t think he’s ever seen such rock bottom. Until he meets Eddie Diaz, a man even more desperate and alone. Season 3 AU.

Glue by prosperdemeter (Rating: T, ~85,500 words)

“It’s just…” Connor shrugged. “No offense, man, but… you’re twenty-five. Do you really want to be spending so much time falling for a guy with a kid?”

“I’m not falling for him.” -- A month away from graduating the LAFD Academy, Evan Buckley gets introduced to new recruit Eddie Diaz and things certainly change for both of them after that. (A S1 rewrite)

Helping Hands by captainmintyfresh **WIP** (Rating: N/A, ~31,200 words)

When Buck told Eddie he missed sex he'd thought he'd maybe get some sympathy, or hell, a little bit of empathy, an 'I feel that, brother'. He thought he was someone who he could whine to about his sexless days. He definitely hadn't thought it would end with Eddie naked in his bed the morning after but, well, he's really not complaining.

i don't think that we should have friendly sex, anymore by wafflesofdoom (Rating: M, ~7,400 words)

it starts with a flood, swimming shorts, and a garbage bag - and it sort of spirals from there.

or, when buck's apartment floods, eddie gets a roommate, and finds himself in a friends with benefits situation with his best friend. it could only go swimmingly. get it? swimmingly.

I Hit the Accelerator (But the Car was in Reverse) by extasiswings & letmetellyouaboutmyfeels (Rating: E, ~68,100 words)

When Buck is forced to confront the truth about his breakup with Abby, having casual sex with his hot new coworker seems like the best rebound idea.

Unfortunately, that hot new coworker turns into his best friend. But best friends can keep having sex with each other, right?

There's no way this could possibly go wrong.

if I'm honest, it felt like love by allyasavedtheday (Rating: M, ~9,300 words)

“I- it felt good, right? And neither of us are really in a place to want to date right now but maybe. You said you needed comfort so maybe that’s all it has to be?”

“You mean this could be a…regular thing?” Eddie looks confused but not at all opposed to the idea which is more than Buck expects, honestly.

[...] Buck and Eddie try friends with benefits. It's great, easy, exactly what they need. Except for the fact they're in love with each other.

Stuck on Fast Forward (Throw Away the Blueprint) by extasiswings (Rating: E, ~42,800 words)

“Sounds like the problem is you think casual sex with a stranger or finding someone new to date are your only options.”

Eddie’s brow furrows. “Aren’t they?”

“I mean, there’s always…someone you already know. Who you’re already comfortable with.”

[Or: Frank gives Eddie therapy homework, Eddie misunderstands the assignment, and Buck is just a really supportive friend...right?]

upon reflection by jeremycarver (Rating: E, ~24,800 words)

Buck doesn’t think, just says, “Hey Eds, you wanna?” Half to wipe that caught-out look off his friend’s face and half because, well. Buck doesn’t not want to. It would be fun, something to do to pass some time in the most stressful month of everyone’s lives.

Eddie sits back so he’s between Buck’s thighs instead of on top of him and is slow to answer. Buck waits, and finally he answers, “Should we?”

or, Buck and Eddie get into a friends with benefits situation that quickly spirals out of control.

We’re Just a Matter of Time by zeppazariel **WIP** (Rating: E, ~181,100 words)

"He's staying, you know," Eddie murmurs. "He didn't even—we never even discussed it. It's like it's a foregone conclusion that he's just going to...stick around the whole way and help with everything."

"Well," Hen says slowly, eyes sparkling, "of course."

Eddie huffs a laugh. "Right. Of course."

yearning from wanting you by farfromthstars (Rating: M, ~18,300 words)

[...] while christopher is at camp, buck and eddie strike up a friends with benefits situation. it doesn't really get complicated until the kid comes back.

*BONUS FIC*

(A Buck/TK friends-with-benefits fic featuring: endgame Buddie and Tarlos; Buck & TK sharing a braincell but also being good friends through their mutual heartbreaks; Eddie and Carlos being jealous; and happy endings all around)

Friends With Benefits by scarletmanuka (Rating: E, ~29,600 words)

What if TK and Carlos broke up after the whole 'this is my friend, TK' incident?

TK is in LA for a few weeks to get away from everything back home. He texts Buck, asking if he wants to 'get together'. Buck has just watched Eddie head off on a date with Ana, final proof that he'll never get to have the relationship that he wants with Eddie so he happily agrees.

But they both know that the other isn't the person that they want to be with. Dumbass and Dumbasser come up with a plan to show their true loves just exactly what they're missing out on.

[filmtvsummaries]

The Next Step

About the show:

The Next Step is a Canadian show that first aired in March of 2013 and was created by Frank van Keeken. As of 2024 the show is still running with season 9 being realised.

The show follows dancers from The Next Step Dance Studio as they battle their way to becoming the best studio in the world while also dealing with the troubles of teen life like relationships, friendships and in-fighting for top dancer.

There are multiple side shows that include ‘The Off Season’, which is a short web-series on the offical YouTube channel, ‘Lost & Found Music Studios’, which is a side show about music, and ‘Taking The Next Step’ which was a competition to find new dancers for guest roles in the main show. There were also multiple live tours, one of which made ‘The Next Step Live: The Movie’

My Notes:

These summaries/opinions are not my first time watching. The only season I haven’t seen is 9 because it isn’t on Stan yet. While writing I will try and express how I felt when I first watched it as if I don’t know what will happen next. That being said, if I say I feel a certain way about a character when they first appear that doesn’t mean I actually feel that way now that I’ve seen them grow. 

Because I have seen this show mostly all the way through I won’t be making predictions about what will happen next. I might forget some things that happen, but I will express that for that episodes summary/opinion.

I also want to mention that I am a dancer, but I did not grow up dancing, I am not good, I can recognise to some level what is and isn’t good technique, but I’m no professional.

Please remember that part of this is opinions. This could include characters, couples and dances I like or don’t like. Just because I don’t like something or someone you like, doesn’t mean I am wrong.

This is clearly going to have spoilers. If you are a new watcher and haven’t seen certain episodes don’t get mad at me that you read spoilers.

Each summary will include: 

The plot of the episode like important events

Characters we meet

Relationships that arise

My own opinions (may include my favourite dance or what my favourite moment was)

DISCLAIMER

NOT A PROFESSIONAL REVIEWER

Wattpad:

Season 1

Episode 1 - 'Get This Party Started'

Episode 2 - 'Everybody Dance Now'

[youmagnificentbeast]

I’m halfway through watching season 1 of Taskmaster UK for the first time (the only other UK season I’ve seen is season 9) and the greg tattoo!!!!! The greg!!!! Tattoo!! What excellent television.

Anyway! Just wondering what your favourite tasks from season 1 are :) or if you had any particular favourite scenes/bits from the first season.

❤️ thanks again for posting about tm uk; your enthusiasm got me into this show x

since you're only halfway through i'll also take the first three episodes into consideration to not spoil you!

i actually had to check each episode's tasks because it's been a while (probably like... two months but with a colander brain like mine things just get lost immediately xD)

OF COURSE THE GIFTS KADSJHASAFSDF JOSH YOU COMPLETE MADMAN, and Rois pulling the friendship card. Frank's shades and Greg's reaction to them is one of my favourite gifs of all time

really loved the pie task, as well as the bathtub one. tim, greg and alex leaning in, tim then slapping greg's knee as he admits he cheated... such a great moment. makes me laugh every time.

also, this image is very important to me.

nicked from here

thanks for your ask! i'm so glad i get people into my brainrot 🥺

[camxnoel-updates]

Cameron Monaghan brought the character of Ian Gallagher to life on Showtime’s hit series, Shameless. The series aired for a total of 11 seasons after originally premiering in 2011. It ranked as the network’s no. 1 comedy, longest-running series, and had the youngest-skewing audience of any Showtime series. Monaghan also joined two legendary universes with roles in both Gotham and Star Wars Jedi: Fallen Order, which I got to ask him about too!

The final season of SHAMELESS finds the Gallagher family and the South Side at a crossroads, with changes caused by the COVID pandemic, gentrification, and aging to reconcile. As Frank confronts his own mortality and family ties in his alcoholic and drug-induced twilight years, Lip struggles with the prospect of becoming the family’s new patriarch. Newlyweds Ian (Cameron Monaghan) and Mickey (Noel Fisher) are figuring out the rules and responsibilities of being in a committed relationship while Deb embraces her individuality and single motherhood. Carl finds an unlikely new career in law enforcement and Kevin and V struggle to decide whether a hard life on the South Side is worth fighting for.

Along with the final season, fans also got a six-episode series that featured new Shameless scenes juxtaposed with a retrospective look at each character’s journey over the prior 10 seasons, titled, Shameless Hall of Shame. The first episode followed Ian and Mickey, showcasing their unique relationship and its evolution from a teen fling into a loving, complicated marriage.

I was able to chat with the actor over zoom and ask him all of my burning questions regarding the series finale, Ian and Mickey’s future, the show’s open ending, the representation his character provided to those watching, what he kept from the set, his future projects, and so much more! Keep reading to find out everything he told me.

So first of all, I want to say a huge congrats to you for wrapping Shameless after 11 seasons and bringing this character to life, who has inspired so many and that so many relate to. I wanted to ask, what has your time on the show meant to you and how would you describe how it helped you grow as an actor?

Cameron Monaghan: I mean, it’s so difficult to distill 11 years into some sort of concise answer, but it’s meant a lot for so many reasons. I think that obviously it’s been important for my career and my life in a sense of how it’s not only given me exposure but also given all of us a platform as performers to be able to tell interesting and challenging stories and to really develop and grow. Obviously, we had a couple of old pros on the show– when I say old pros, I’m not calling them old, just that they’re professionals and they’ve been doing it for a long time, but like William H. Macy, Joan Cusack, and a number of people who had very storied careers. Then we had actors on the show who had never appeared on anything prior and for a lot of us, we were somewhere in the middle, where we’d been working for a number of years, but hadn’t been given the opportunities to really put ourselves out there in such a significant way.

So being able to get an audience over the course of 11 years– and the show grew steadily, it was a marginal success at first, but it wasn’t until like season 4 or 5 that it really started to be seen by people and really connect on a larger platform, and a lot of that had to do with Netflix. When that happens we had such an influx of people kind of saying how they related to it and I think that that’s something that I’ve really taken away– I think we’ve all taken away, to be able to hear a lot of other people’s stories and how they’ve connected these stories in entirely different ways. Everyone has had different favorite characters or storylines and they have brought their own personal experiences to that, but for people to say that they feel seen or heard in some ways by these stories, I think is very special. You know, the character that I was playing was an LGBT love story, as well as a story about mental illness, and coping and struggling with that. I had so many positive responses from people regarding those things, and it was amazing to hear people’s responses. So I think that not only was I able to grow as an actor but being able to hear that response and feedback helps you grow as a human being too. I guess that’s what one of my major takeaways is.

What was that final day of shooting like for you, and how did you feel when you officially wrapped?

It was a bit surreal. I don’t think it really set in at first. It’s always funny when you wrap on a project, I feel like it comes in waves, and with something like a TV show, you start to feel it on the last few episodes of like, “Oh, wow, it’s going to be over.” You start trying to find your little ways of saying goodbye to people and understanding that these conversations are obviously not the last for everyone; we’re still close with each other, but you start to recognize that within the context of the show they’ll be your last so that’s a difficult thing. I’ve never been particularly good at saying goodbye, you know? I feel like in general, I’m kind of a person that just likes to be like, “I’m just going to walk away from it cause I don’t know what else to do really.”

So, we were shooting pretty late at night and we were all there hanging out and cracking jokes, and it was just of like, “Oh, I guess that’s it.” We all kind of looked at each other like, “Well, what do we do now?” A bunch of us stuck around for a few hours afterward, we popped a bottle of champagne, and we sat in each others’ trailers and just kinda hung out until pretty early in the morning, the next day. Then we’ve all kind of just been hanging out and seeing each other since. Everyone’s been really busy, thankfully. So we’ve been traveling and going to different cities for work, but when we’ve been in town we’ve been trying to see each other. I had dinner with Jeremy and Ethan, who played my brothers on the show last week. Noel Fisher, I just saw yesterday. I’m going to see Shanola Hampton in a few days. We’re all still staying in touch with each other is what I’ll say.

Were you personally satisfied with the ending of the show? I think it was very open-ended, which was kind of nice and left a lot open for the future. And was there anything you wanted to see for your character that we weren’t able to?

Endings are difficult in general, but I feel like, especially with a show like Shameless, which is a show about a slice of life and sort of how existence doesn’t really fall into a perfect narrative; it tends to be messy and kind of just continue in spite of itself, and it’s a stream of these little victories and these constant mistakes. So you can’t really cap off a pure ending to a story like that. I think that what John Wells tried to do with writing it is not really conclude the stories. He concludes certain aspects, but the way that he explained it to us is he wanted it to feel like if you were walking through the streets of Chicago, maybe you might bump into these characters. Maybe they’re still out there and maybe they’re still doing things. Some of us had more resolution than others.

I would actually say that the Ian and Mickey storyline was one that did have a fair amount of resolution for the final episode. It was about their anniversary, how they were going to deal with their future, and they’ve kind of figured out some sort of life with each other. There are still large questions, whether or not they’re going to have kids and what the terms of their marriage will entail in the future, but those are questions that are lifelong questions, and ones that I think that we know these characters well enough and we understand their relationships well enough that we can draw our own conclusions for. I think there is something beautiful about the fact that the audience will project what their future for these characters will be.

I think it was a challenging final season because of so many extenuating factors in the world. All shows, businesses, everything was trying frantically to keep up with a changing landscape, and the fact that we were able to make it in spite of all of those things, I think is a victory in itself; one that we are all proud of and happy with. I do think there’s still a future, years out, where we might return to these characters and explore them further. I think that I’m happy putting them to bed for now, I think we all are, but I would like to maybe check in with these characters in 5 or 10 years, and just kind of see where they’re at and what they’re doing.

Kind of like a little Shameless movie, just to play catch up for a little bit.

Yeah, I think that’s something that is kind of more possible now with these streaming networks. They’ve done it with a few series, to sometimes success and sometimes mixed results, but I do think there is a possibility of a reunion season or something like that, depending on where the show fits into the public consciousness in a few years, you know? It’s an open question, but one I’d be excited to see.

How you would describe Ian’s evolution and journey on the show?

I think that Ian has come a long way in terms of confidence and assuredness in himself and his own decisions. I think that’s what a lot of the exploration of the character was, especially in the middle seasons between seasons like 3 to 8 or 9, are this guy who sort of just doesn’t necessarily know what he wants for himself and he’s dealing with a bunch of surprises about himself that he doesn’t necessarily understand, or hasn’t really come to terms with. I think it’s amazing to see Ian in these earlier episodes where he’s kind of getting kicked around by his relationships and by his family. He’s kind of a forgotten kid a little bit. He’s like a middle child, who’s just sort of– people aren’t really looking out for him. His brother does to a certain extent, but also his brother is kind of telling him what he wants for himself and Ian isn’t as active.

At a certain point, he starts to really come into his own as an adult and as a human being. I think it’s amazing how we see him as not only a big brother by the end of the series, but also sort of– there’s something a bit paternal about him. He becomes a bit of a father figure, even a little bit in his relationships. I think it’s interesting how Mickey was always sort of the commanding force and deciding factor for so much of the series; when Ian was really struggling with mental illness and down in the dumps, Mickey is the kind of guy who was looking after him, but by the end of the series, Mickey is a bit childlike in certain ways. Ian is kind of protecting him to a certain extent, and even with his older brother, Lip, Ian is sort of looking out for him in a slightly paternal way, which I think is kind of interesting. He really comes a long way in sort of being confident enough in himself to start looking out for other people that I think is a really great quality. It makes him a character who has made a fair amount of mistakes but mistakes that we understand, and I think that ultimately he’s a guy that I understand and really relate to because he does have this quality to him.

So I have to ask you some questions about Ian and Mickey. I personally love them together, they were one of the reasons I started watching the show. In the end, as you said, we kind of get some closure, but also an open ending with them and it’s a happy one; they’re together and celebrating their anniversary. In your head, what do you think that their future holds? Do you think kids are in the picture; do you think they’re going to be parents? Ideally, what is your version of their happy ending, if you could create it?

I think that they both still need to do some work. I would say that they need to do work as a couple in their marriage still of just defining the terms of what is it that they want financially, sexually, intimately, personally, all of these things. It’s a show full of people who aren’t great at communication or dealing with their own feelings– I mean to a certain extent, most human beings aren’t, but these guys, especially, come from a rough background and they have that tendency of just kind of wanting to push that stuff down. Ian has really opened up Mickey and Mickey to a certain extent has really opened up Ian over the course of the series, but I still don’t think they’re fully all the way there. Mickey has a lot of emotional baggage when it comes to parenthood, his father, and dealing with responsibility.

I don’t know if Mickey is fully there. Hopefully, he would be one day in the future. And hopefully, Ian would be patient enough to give him the space to make that decision and to not want to rush into it. I do think that it would be something in their future. Parenthood was a huge motivating factor for Ian earlier in the series, going so far as to steal someone’s baby at some point because he wants to be a father. I would hope that they would be able to provide that for him and for themselves, but there’s no way to know, we have to sort of make that assumption for ourselves, but I think so.

Ian and Mickey have been this fan-favorite couple that means so much to the LGBTQ+ community in terms of representation. What was the moment that you personally started rooting for them?

I think it was pretty early. I was rooting for Ian from the first episode, from the pilot, but the second that Mickey gets introduced to the show, he brought such a fun dynamic with him. Obviously, a massive amount of charisma that was coming from Noel Fisher. The scenes were always fun, exciting, and felt steeped in a lot of dramatic tension. Whether or not they were destined to be together was kind of a question that still was developing. In the first season to the third season, the Mickey character is pretty rough emotionally and physically; he is at points pretty, extremely abusive in a way that is great for a character and for a story, but if I was talking to Ian as a person in real life, I would probably say, “Get the hell away from this guy. He’s awful for you.”

But within the context of the story, we’re able to get the internal life of these characters and we understand them well enough to really want to be rooting for them and see them succeed. It builds into this pretty epic love story of these characters that really do feel kind of intertwined by fate and something greater. It feels like you have these forces pulling for them in a way that you want with every fiber of your being to see it work out for them because you care for them. So obviously, Noel and I had been rooting for these characters the entire time, but it was really fun playing some of the ridiculousness of the situations of the two of them, where they were just very at odds with each other at times. It was a joy bouncing off of each other in both the highs and the lows of the character.

Is there sort of a message that you hope their love story gives to viewers that see themselves in these characters?

Well, I think the aspects of the characters, especially for Mickey, that I’m sure a lot of people relate to, and it is sort of the greatest tragedy of the character, is how he is deeply in the closet and he feels that he can’t embrace his own self and also this beautiful love because of this situation that he’s in; a traumatic home life, specifically an abusive father, and also an environment that doesn’t allow him to be what he wants to be. I guess the message that I do hope that people who are relating to that get is that there are places where you can be accepted and there are better options for you, and sometimes that takes time, but as cliched as it is, it does get better. So hopefully people are able to find these safe environments for themselves to be able to improve the quality of life and to get better situations. I hope that people find hope in the story ultimately.

Another relationship of Ian’s that I have to discuss is his relationship with the whole Gallagher family; that was a focus of the series since day one. What was your favorite part of their dynamic and playing off that?

Obviously, the chaos of the family is always really fun to play. We had these scenes that were kind of an amazing balancing act of like 8 or 9 people in a scene, all messing around with these different storylines that are bouncing off of each other, intertwining, and you have this really biting sharp satirical dialogue that all had a very specific rhythm to it and was a sort of flow that was established early in the show that was kind of kept across the entire series; one that was a genuine joy as a performer to play. But I think that specifically the relationship that I’ve always been a fan of and I love from the start, is probably– it’s definitely one of my favorite relationships on the show– was the relationship between Ian and Lip.

There’s not a lot of depictions of brotherhood and intimacy between men that are deeply sensitive, close, and uncomplicated. Those are definitely scenes that I felt very personally moved by, of two brothers who have just had a world of shit, a lot of complicated and messed up things that have been dropped on their heads that they’ve been dealing with for the entirety of their lives, but they’ve sort of made a pact that they were just gonna be there for each other no matter what. If they weren’t there for each other, who knows if they would have survived. I think that there’s something really amazing about those scenes in that they’re just very open with each other, and that’s something that’s established right from the start and was kind of one of those key relationships for the show that survived until the very last episode and that I’m very proud of, cause I do think that those are some of my personal favorite scenes of the show.

Here’s a fun three-part question: most challenging, fun, and insane storyline for you as an actor?

Most challenging would probably have to be… we reached a point in the series around season 8 and they were trying to contextualize the characters in a modern way, put them into new circumstances, but try to retain what the characters were, but they’ve moved a lot from where they originally were. We were at a point where we were getting so many new writers onto the series, and the show I feel struggled for a second, which happens with any series that’s been on for a while. It felt like there was a point where they didn’t know what they wanted to do with Ian. There were a couple of episodes where I was kind of looking at the story and being like, “What are we doing here? It doesn’t really feel like anything is happening with him and we’re kind of floating across these relationships.” I wasn’t sure what we were trying to say, but that being said, that is kind of true to life, to a certain degree, where we do find ourselves sometimes in these ruts where we don’t know what we’re doing with our relationships, our lives, and ourselves. There is a little bit of a struggle there and that is kind of real to a certain degree, and I do think having those episodes make when they started finding the way with the character and relationships again, kind of more satisfying cause he sort of loses his way and he comes back. So it was kind of a challenge, but I think it all worked out ultimately.

Craziest would have to be… so this is one that no one would even know is like a thing really, no one would even think of it as a thing, but the scene in the pilot episode, Lip and Ian jump out of like a window and they run out of a house to escape an angry parent, right? And they’re kind of running in a rush. So they run out in their socks, down the street, and it’s the middle of January in Chicago and the streets are covered in mud, water, and ice. I think it’s the first time I’ve ever felt in my life that I actually thought my feet were going to like fall off. I thought we were going to have to amputate a toe because of frostbite. We did the scene a bunch of times, and because Jeremy and I were young, we were just sort of trying to be tough, just like, “Yeah, whatever, it’s not a problem. We can do this over and over, not a big deal.” Then I definitely learned a lesson of like, when something is a problem, you have to say, it’s a problem.

Most fun… I don’t know if I can distill it to just one scene. I think the most fun was just getting to interact with all of the wildly different personalities of our show, and just kind of get to sit around and hang out with everyone. There were times that we would just be laughing so hard that one of us would start and we just end up crying, laughing. Usually, it was because of Howey cracking jokes or something like that, but it could be just the dumbest to smallest thing, but it’s the kind of thing when you become so comfortable with people, it just starts to happen. Sometimes it was just the downtime and these little small kind of boring or mundane moments that really ended up being some of my favorite experiences.

Did you take anything from the set at all?

I did. So in the final season, there’s a storyline where Frank steals Nighthawks, the Edward Hopper painting, and that was actually done in cooperation with the Art Institute of Chicago and the Edward Hopper estate. They did these really high-resolution prints of it that were then painted over by hand, and they even took pictures of the back and mimicked the way that the canvas wrapped over, the small writing, and everything. It’s a pretty damn good forgery of Nighthawks. So I stole one of those and that’s hanging up in my living room. I also stole one of the mugs cause in the show we’re always having breakfast and drinking coffee, so there are these rooster mugs and I stole one of those.

Since you’re talking to The Nerds of Color, I have to ask you about Star Wars and Gotham. What stood out to you about Star Wars Jedi: Fallen Order compared to your other work, and what did it mean to you to join that iconic universe?

I mean, what stood out pretty quickly was that it had a tone all of its own. Star Wars is a very specific tone. It has sort of its own language, pacing, style, and rhythm; there’s something very specific about it, something that I’m a big fan of. I grew up watching the Star Wars movies and that was definitely… you know, anytime that you’re jumping onto something with an active and passionate fanbase it’s going to be slightly intimidating. There’s no way around that. Thankfully, I’ve at this point done enough projects with really passionate fanbases to kind of understand what that entails, which is that there’s going to be a lot of opinions. A lot of people are really excited about things and no matter what, even the smallest things, someone’s going to be very, very angry about it. That comes along with the territory, but that’s kind of fun to a certain degree; it’s fun to hear such minutiae and being examined, and these conversations are ones that are being had on set too.

There’s so much conversation between the Lucasfilm story group, Respawn, and EA, who are the production companies behind the game, and also the cast, directors, and everybody involved are sometimes discussing, “How does a person stand? How does one get onto a speeder bike? What kind of sound does this monster make?” And there’s always a genuine deference and respect to the series. We know how much people care about it. We know because we care about it a lot, and everyone on this project are huge fans of the source material. So that was exciting to be a part of, obviously; I mean, that should go without saying. It’s so freaking cool to be a Jedi and to be the face of this massive franchise, and to be able to not only be a part of a really well-known property and part of this large project but also to be able to tell an interesting and intimate story within it. For as bombastic as all of the action is, and as big as the Star Wars universe is, I feel the story of Cal Kestis and the people that he interacts with is a somewhat smaller one and a more intimate one. It’s ultimately, at least for me, a pretty emotionally resonant one and a story that I actually very much care about and relate to. I think that was probably the most exciting part about it, was being able to within the framework of this big machinery of what Star Wars is, still tell a story that might actually affect people and make them feel things, I think was just really cool.

Could you describe how it felt to take on the role of the Joker?

Exciting, intimidating, an honor, and challenging; it’s a role that I didn’t take lightly. I understood what it was, which is that a lot of the people who were seeing me in the role had never heard of me and didn’t know who I was, and it was a way to prove myself and to show off my take of what I could do with this. It was really cool too with that show that we were getting to do something that had never really been done before with the character, which is to show multiple versions and possibilities of what that character could be, and to kind of tip our hat to some of the famous stories that came before, and then kind of give a unique spin and show off some new things with it as well.

Obviously, that show was heightened to a certain degree and kind of existed in this wacky over-the-top violent, but also slightly cartoony universe that was kind of its own little thing. That was really fun to play around with it and to totally get to do something kind of different with that, something that we hadn’t seen before. But I think it was specifically really intimidating because, at that point of casting when I performed the episode in the first season of that show, no one had played the role since Heath Ledger had posthumously won the Oscar for the role. So the only people who had touched it in live-action had been Jack Nicholson and Heath Ledger, which are just massive, massive shoes to fill and two people that I deeply admired. Again, it’s just sort of a case of respect and wanting to kind of come in, just do my absolute best with the material, and to try to pay a certain level of honor to the people that came before.

Anything you can tease about what you’re going to do next? Any future projects?

Absolutely. It’s always difficult with this stuff because there’s only so much you can say. I can say that I just shot a film that hasn’t been announced yet, but I was out of town shooting it for a while. It’s the starring role in the film, and that will come out to theaters in the near future. I’m also working on another project over the course of the next year that I will be working on and off for. Again, thanks to the joys of NDAs, I can’t actually say what it is. I have a movie that I will be doing in June and then also I’m starting to move a bit behind the camera as well. So I’m working on producing and starring in a feature in August or September. And I’m writing a couple of projects right now as well. So it’s a loaded year for the next year, but it’s all very exciting that’s happening.

[itslittlealexhorne]

my favourite taskmaster contestant from each series

* taskmaster spoilers ig *

season 1

josh widdicombe

all five competitors are genuinely top-tier for me, but i’ve been a fan of josh for a long time, so i am biased lmao. i could talk for hours about roisin, tim, romesh and frank, but greg’s good lil boy is my fave.

season 2

joe wilkinson

what can i say… i love chaos. yet again, all five competitors are actually amazing, but i cannot go past joe wilkinson - highlights included the iconic potato throw, and him misreading “potato” as “pony”.

season 3

paul chowdhry

there is so much i could say about paul… he was so unbelievably awful - it was INCREDIBLE. i will never get over “it’s a snowbear, innit”. forever etched in my memory <3

season 4

noel fielding

i love all five of these contestants but, much like season 1, i’ve been a fan of noel forever. his absurdly creative and beautiful mind led to some incredible outcomes, and i just adore him so much.

season 5

mark watson AND nish kumar – aka: ‘wumar’

yes i know i said contestant singular, but this season is literally perfect and it would be a crime to distinguish between these two. they are the perfect team, and individually they are incredible. i love these two very much.

season 6

asim chaudhry

to be completely honest, this is my least favourite season - where all the other series are s-tier or a-tier, this one is just… eh. nevertheless, i love asim, and there were plenty of fun moments !!

season 7

james acaster

i’m a HUGE fan of james - fun fact: his was the first (+ currently only) live comedy gig i’ve been to. james on taskmaster is absolute chaos, and seeing as he’s a fellow taskmaster nerd, his performance in the scavenger hunt task was impeccable. i, yet again, love all five of these competitors, but i just adore james.

season 8

joe thomas

i don’t think i am mincing my words when i say joe thomas is the weirdest human being i’ve ever seen. as such, i’m immensely in love with him. he is one of two contestants (also see: season 11) that i wasn’t aware existed before their season, and subsequently fell in love with them. the moment the preview task was released (that being this task), i became obsessed with joe. “oo get together” haunts my dreams, as does his attempt at moving the beachball with only water.

season 9

ed gamble and rose matafeo (yes, i’m weak)

it’s almost a crime to pick between ed and rose, and i just couldn’t bring myself to do it. this season is impeccable, and all five comedians are iconic. ed getting mad at david baddiel in the live task has stayed with me, and rose’s rendition of the taskmaster theme tune was perfection. might i also add, had jo brand put in any effort, she would’ve easily won and i love her.

season 10

richard herring

herring is the ultimate taskmaster nerd, and i love him for that. i love the other four so much, but i cannot get past richard, especially after his one-man performance of ‘the smart steak’. also i just need to add that katherine parkinson must be protected xo, and daisy is too powerful.

season 11

mike wozniak and lee mack – aka 'woznimack’

lee mack is far too iconic for him not to be one of my favourites. i’m such a huge fan of him, having watched WILTY? for a very long time. he is somehow more chaotic than i imagined he could be, which is saying a lot. i cannot, however, begin to tell you how much i love mike wozniak. considering i didn’t know who he was before the show, i am head over heels for this man. it is what i like to call 'the joe thomas effect’, where i discovered mike on taskmaster, then proceeded to find all possible content that he was in. both luckily and unluckily, there is literally so little content - i am STARVED rip. but yes, mike wozniak <3.

[geekygirl24]

Day 2: Favourite BL drama.

This is going to be tricky, so i’ve done a top 11 instead XD

Official BL Dramas

11: 2gether the series (and Still2gether)

This drama honestly surprised me as i didn’t think i’d be all that interested in it when watching the trailer. However, Sarawat and Tine are one of the best BL couples out there. They are just so genuinely sweet and cute, and I didn’t even care about the lack of kiss in the 2gether finale because of it. The other couples are brilliant as well: Dim/Green makes me laugh, Man and Type have that Uptown Girl vibe that I love and bringing back Frank and Drake as Mil/Phukong was brilliant :)

10: Why R U

I never thought i would like seeing Saint in another role other than Pete, but he wowed me in this series. Every couple had chemistry and whilst yes, the storyline and plot was a little weird, it wasn’t unbearable. Saifah/Zon are the cutest though, along with Blue/Champ (even if Blue did get together with Dew). My only issue is that it did go down predicatable BL drama routes and due to COVID, some couples didn’t get the screen-time they deserved.

9: Seven Days

Yes, the hairstyles leave much to be desired and it’s technically a movie... but i love Seven Days to bits. I love the manga and i love the film. Seryou Touji dates the first person who asks him out on a Monday, and usually dumps them by the following Monday. His blunt but handsome senior Yuzuru is the first to ask him out one week and the story goes from there. If you haven’t seen this film, I highly recommend it :)

8: My Engineer

I was really looking forward to this drama from the very first moment, and it didn’t disappoint. Yes, the Bohn/Duen relationship was a little skewed, and the Mek voice dub was weird, but they had conversations about how roles don’t matter in same sex relationships, they didn’t go down the sexual assault line (when Bohn was drunk) and the pairings did develop naturally. I am so looking forwards to Season 2 :)

7: Love by Chance (including Season 2)

I think anyone who’s read my stories knows that i despise the Kengkla/Techno storyline, however, I think that the other storylines more than make up for this. This was the first Thai BL that i watched, and it remains a strong favourite to this day. Ae/Pete were the sweetest couple ever and now with a second season for TinCan, my dreams have come true :)

6: Life; Love On The Line (Life Senjou No Bokura)

Another brilliant BL that was released this year based on a Japanese Manga. Yes, it’s only four episodes and a director’s cut (which i am so desperate to see!), but the story is well-told and painfully realistic. Of course, the added bonus of seeing Hao Ting/Xi Gu at the end was a small factor in how much i loved this series :)

5: The HIStory series

Honestly, I couldn’t pick just one of the HIStory series. I loved the Obssessed storyline in season one, Right or Wrong and Crossing the Line in Season 2, Trapped and Make our days count in Season 3, and i’m sure i will love the couples in HIStory4 :)

4: 2moons2

Now, i’m saying 2moons2 instead of 2moons, because i honestly believe it was better the second time around. I think the casting was better, the fact that they sped up the storyline a little was better and i think the chemistry between the pairs was better as well. Some of the acting the first Pha used to do was awful!

Ming/Kit definitely steals the show though :)

3: Until We Meet Again

Yes, i cried every single episode and yes, if i watch the right edit on Youtube or listen to the soundtrack, i cry again.... but this is one of the best BL dramas ever. I love the reincarnation aspect and the red string of fate bringing them together again. Not one character disappointed me in this series and i would happily watch it all over again, despite the pain.

2: Cherry Magic

Is this really a shock? Everyone loves this one. A new one from this year, Cherry Magic is one of the best BL drama’s i have ever seen. It was sweet, it was funny and honestly, i related to Adachi and his social awkwardness so much! And my asexual ass really wishes you do get mind reading powers when you reach 30 as a virgin.

It did have the Episode 11 curse that most BL’s go through, but it was still amazing!

1: Kinou Nani Tabeta (Edit: Can’t believe i forgot about this one!)

This is honest to God, the sweetest drama i have ever watched. This is a drama that makes you feel all warm and fluffy inside, as well as very hungry because Shirou describes making his food in detail and it all looks so good! No, it doesn’t have the kiss or make out scenes that usually make a BL drama exceptional, but it would be hard to ignore the chemistry between the two. They love each other and that much is obvious

[lucy-mclean]

What are your favorite episodes from each season of Shameless? :)

Ohh I love this question. Apologies in advance since this answer is probably gonna be long lmao.

Season 1: My favourite episode is definitely 'Pilot'. It's such a special episode and it made me love the show right away. I really don't care if there are better written episodes because it means a lot to me, there are only two shows that had me hooked since the pilot, and Shameless is one of them. I also love 'Frank Gallagher Loving Husband Devoted Father' (1x07) and 'But at Last Came a Knock' (1x09), mostly because of Fiona's last scene with Monica (Emmy Rossum absolutely kills it.)

Season 2: 'Summertime' (2x01) and 'Just Like the Pilgrims Intended' (2x11) are the first episodes that come to my mind. This was honestly such a fun season and I really liked all the episodes tho.

Season 3: I love 'The Sins of My Caretaker' (3x05), 'A Long Way from Home' (3x07) and 'Survival of the Fittest' (3x12). I think they're all amazing and some of the best episodes in the whole show.

Season 4: 'Lazarus' (4x12) is easily the best episode in the whole show. It's simply brilliant. It also has my favourite scene in the series, which is Fiona and Lip' conversation when Fiona gets out of jail ("It was me Lip. Not Frank, not Monica.", I've seen it so many times I have it memorized.) Nevertheless, I adore every single episode in this season. 'Iron City' (4x06) and 'Liver, I Hardly Know Her' (4x10), (thank you Shameless for giving us one of the most iconic party scenes in tv) are also incredible. And I have a newfound love for 'Like Father, Like Daughter' (4x03) and 'There's the Rub' (4x05). I'm also going to point out Emmy Rossum's acting in this season, because it's HER season. And yes, every time I talk about season 4 I need to mention Emmy's acting because it's outstanding.

Season 5: I really like 'I am the Liver' (5x02) and 'Crazy Love' (5x06). I actually don't know why I love 'I am the Liver' so much, since, objectively speaking, it's not one of the best in the show, but it's my favourite in the season. I just really enjoyed it.

Season 6: I'm going to be completely honest, but I don't remember much from s6 apart from Fiona's storyline ajfkjsas. That being said, 'Familia Supra Gallegorious Omnia' (6x12) is my favourite episode.

Season 7: I remember that I really loved this season, but the first episode that comes to my mind is 'Requiem for a Slut' (7x12). And, again, Emmy's acting in this episode was brilliant.

Season 8: I've only seen s8 and s9 once, and I watched s8 when it premiered, so I don't remember much of it. I think the episode I enjoyed the most was 'God Bless Her Rotting Soul' (8x03), and I remember thinking that Emmy and William' performances were awesome.

Season 9: This is probably an unpopular opinion but, I didn't really like Fiona's storyline in this season :( I know a lot of people loved it, but to me it felt like a cheap version of s4. I did enjoy 'Down Like the Titanic' (9x07), 'You'll Know the Bottom When You Hit It' (9x12), 'Lost' (9x13) and 'Found' (9x14). Apart from my feelings towards Fiona's storyline, once again, I need to say that Emmy did a brilliant work.

Also, will I ever talk about Shameless without mentioning Emmy Rossum's acting 34837 times? Doesn't seem realistic.

[ianenjoyer]

worst shameless storylines ranked? personally despise the whole who’s gonna top thing with trevor and ian. like, if it’s that important?? just fuck other people? but also fiona being a landlord and cop carl takes the cake

*rubs my evil little hands together* finally more opportunities to talk about my opinions

this is non-comprehensive bc i don’t remember every single awful thing that’s happened on this show (and i blocked out so many) but here’s the ones that stick in my brain

under the cut bc i kinda went off

1. gay jesus

i just ??? hate it so much??? listen, i think this storyline started off relatively okay, if you ignore the cringey dialogue. like ian trying to help kids like him (and mickey) and save them from conversion therapy and other terrible things? okay sounds good, sounds consistent to ian’s character i’m fine with it. but the execution??? 🤢 i hate it so much. it comes off much more like they’re mocking the cause instead of promoting it. and on top of that, apparently ian was supposed to be manic the whole time but, again, the exposition was just terrible and they didn’t really indicate that this was supposed to be ian spiraling as opposed to him just going a little too far. honestly the whole thing is a disservice to ian’s character and everything that he’d been through in the previous 7 seasons

2. fionas landlord stuff

fionas switch from a kind, hardworking person trying to provide for her family to a bloodsucking parasite (also known as a landlord) is appalling. not the fact that she tried to better herself and her situation, but the fact that she constantly put down families like her own and the fact that it was framed like a good thing. like it’s fine to seek out a better life for yourself obviously but i wish she found a way to do it without becoming a capitalist who leeches off other people

3. the weird voting storyline + anytime they try to do political commentary

😐 i’m just repeating myself at this point but shameless’ switch from a gritty family drama that shows the realities of living in poverty and dealing with problems such as alcoholism, mental illness, and inter-generational trauma to a satirical ‘comedy’ that pokes fun at anything and everything is the worst turn i’ve ever seen a show take. honestly i don’t remember much about this except that frank got some creep in office and recruited a bunch of nazis to help him, and that fiona was gonna vote for some pro-capitalism weirdo bc she didn’t want rent-control on her apartment bc she hates poor people apparently

4. carl becoming a cop

i mean we haven’t even seen this yet but skdhdijsj it’s going on here anyways. honestly carl’s whole coming-of-age storyline is just bad. i’m not gonna just repeat myself but i talked about that here. basically it boils down to the show being tone-deaf and trying to do political commentary on things they know nothing about. honestly the last thing we need right now is rich white people in hollywood acting like they understand what it’s like to live in poverty, or live as a person of color, or an lgbt person, in america right now

5. mickeys send off + ian’s other love interests

so what we’ve learned is that shameless doesn’t know how to write off characters without butchering them and then expecting us to instantly forget about them. i understand that noel left the show, so i know they had to write him off, but they didn’t have to be as brutal to his character as they were.

i’m in the minority with this opinion (i think) but the first time i watched the show i wasn’t fully against ian dating somebody else, mostly bc i knew they ended up together. i mean, it is realistic that ian wouldn’t date the same person from the time he was 15, and especially after mickey went to jail it objectively makes sense that he would try to move on. but god the execution of this was terrible. they were just so obviously trying to butcher mickeys character (with caleb) , or replace him (with trevor) instead of, you know, providing us with a believable love interest for an otherwise well-liked, interesting character. i won’t talk too much about s6 but feel free to anon me if you want to hear more of my thoughts bc i have a few

6. anything with frank

i just don’t care about him. i skip every single one of his scenes when i rewatch the show unless he’s interacting with the rest of the family. he’s boring, and i think he’s overstayed his welcome. and yes i know he’s the main character but consider this: i hate him. he exists purely to engage in stupid storylines and say awful things and i want him gone. the fact that he’s still on the show and fiona isn’t is a hate crime towards me specifically smxhdjs. no hate to the actor but :/ there’s literally no use for frank on the show anymore, and there hasn’t been since they moved away from having a central-family storyline with him acting like a thorn in his children’s sides instead of whatever he is now

7. fionas love interests

i think that, kinda similar to ian, they didn’t really know what to do with with fiona’s love life after jimmysteve left. her love interests ranged from okay (mike cup supremacy!) to just boring and awful (ford, gus, sean). it’s just such a disservice to such an amazing character to reduce her to stories with boring love interests over and over again.

8. most of v and kev’s storylines in later seasons

this one makes me sad bc i love v and kev so much but... their storylines just aren’t it anymore. they’re dumb and comic-reliefy and a disservice (i’m using that word a lot wow) to two really amazing characters. they often reduce kev to ‘big, lumbering dumb-dumb’ and v to ‘sexy, sassy black girl’ and it’s just very Not Good, especially considering how interesting and multi-dimensional their characters were in early seasons.

9. karen’s send off

this is so fucking infuriating to me, especially knowing why the actress left the show. trust me i’m not saying karen is perfect or that she didn’t do terrible (sometimes unforgivable) things, but the fact that the send off for a character who was super important to the show for a good amount of seasons amounted to “she has permanent brain damage and lives with a 40 year old man and a baby she didn’t want” is such a huge disservice, both to the character and the actress

10. sammi

i don’t even want to talk about her or how obnoxious she is but i want it to be known that i hate her and that she sucks. she brought basically nothing to the show and i feel like she existed purely just to make me mad.

11. anything debbie did past like. season 3

she’s just so annoying. like with this show i usually don’t hate characters for doing morally gray things bc that’s very much the nature of the show but debbie just consistently used people over and over again while showing no remorse about it. derek (i still can’t believe what she did to him), neil, dereks wife etc. she’s just not a good person, and on top of that she’s not even entertaining to watch so like??? go away. also the fact that’s she’s dating sandy and i’m not is so rude :/

12. that one time sheila said the r-slur like 47 times 

i just remembered this so i’m putting it on here. also this is the only one from an earlier season, which just proves that the shows been tone-deaf about a lot of things the whole time, and that it’s only gotten worse as years went on. i just want to make it clear that when i say i like this show that comes with many many caveats and that this definitely isn’t a show anybody should be watching un-critically

[eventyrteatret]

ranking all shameless promotional posters cause they nasty

there are truly not many promotional posters as bad as the US shameless ones ... lets see ... 

season 1 is honestly one of the better ones. it captures the essens of shameless, it is simple and fun and everyone seems equally vulnerable lmao (this will be a problem later on). wish you could see peoples faces a little more but overall 9/10 (for shameless standards mind you). except who tf’s house is that ????

season 2 is truly trash. it is quite fun, i’ll give it that, and it reflects the season, but shit man... fiona is the only one posing while frank just looks unprofessional for a Promotional Poster for a Hit Television Show... i mean?? 5/10 for the vibe being, I guess, correct, but it’s just shit lmao. love ian and carl fighting though. 

the season 3 poster.. well this looks more professional, you can see everyone’s faces, and carl looks hilarious, so honestly a lot of + points. the concept is weird, cause fiona is the only one dressed up lmao, it makes no sense. 7/10 for looking like a proper television show for once. 

season 4 = best season, so only right for this poster to be the best one!! the fact that lip, frank and fiona are the only people you can actually see is truly a weird decision, but the colors, the spirit and the general look is great 9/10. vee and kev book look a little awkward but who can blame them. 

season 5!!! this is my shit, 10/10, everyone is visible, everyone looks great and liam is the cutest person i’ve ever seen. the behind the scenes of this one is also some weird shit. 

this is the worst thing in the world, why is vee clinging to franks leg?? have they eeeever interacted lmao tf. ian’s overalls are awful but i guess the aesthetic is kinda fun - for a boring ass season that is. at least they are trynna keep things fresh, 6/10. 

this is fucked, where are everyone. 5/10 cause lip and fiona are hot as fuck. 

why is it suddenly a running theme for them to only include these three lmao, honestly this s pretty bad in itself either way, 3/10 for lip not smoking :( 

concept is what... western chic? i’m guessing? they all look like models and that’s a minus point for shameless idek, 7/10 for being truly generic. 

i... i hate this. everyone looks great and everyone’s there, but why a circus? why those pants for mickey? how tf did cam actually lift noel like that lmaooo. 6/10, shanola is a goddess. 

and here we areeee, my beautiful season 11 poster. everyone has kinda a ... forced laugh, it’s gonna annoy me forever, but the colors are so pretty and the party theme makes me crazy in love. 9/10. 

what do y’all think? 

[weeklyfangirl]

Frat Boy Pt. 21

part 1, part 2, part 3, part 4, part 5, part 6, part 7 (1), part 7 (2), part 8, part 9, part 10, part 11, part 12, part 13 , part 14, part 15, part 16, part 17, part 18, part 19 , part 20

HI LOVIES. Please enjoy a Friday update on the Frat Boy universe. This one is a bit of a breather after the TUMULTUOUS ANGST of the last chappie. Shorter than my usual, but it’s all the chapter needed. Tons more y/n and Harry interaction on the way in the next! Have a safe and happy day loves xx

-----------------------------------------------------------------

Things I want:

Live a life that helps others

Financial freedom

Experience a great love

Visit the the Pincio Gardens in Italy

To have more dreams and fewer nightmares

Doodle more

Acquire a first edition book, either because an old  friendly man who owns an antique bookshop decides to give it to me in a bonding moment, or because I have accomplished #2 and I am celebrating being a Boss Bitch

To be happy

Please note: not necessarily in that order

 It was taped above my desk, waiting for me to bring it in to the next session. I hesitated to write number 6. It was a dream I hardly entertained after committing my scholarly life to pursue medicine. I used to love to doodle. All the time. Since elementary school. I doodled so much my mom dedicated a wall in the house to my illustrations. She hung a sign above it that affectionately said “Y/N’s Doodles.” Seriously, you couldn’t get me to stop. Even if it was gross sappy sketches of my crush Billy who I would NEVER show on the playground at recess.   

 My doodling stopped how these things normally do. Because life grew busier than anything else, and the sketchpad and easel my dad had bought for me at a garage sale became ignored, collecting dust in the corner of my room. At some point, it’d become a year since I’d drawn anything, and then it was two, and three, and by this point I’d realized I was the one who’d need to create her own stability in life and medicine was the more logical fit. It wasn’t that I didn’t see the value in drawing anymore, I just had other things take up my time. It became a comfort just knowing I used to draw. Paul had paved his way, and now I was on my way to do the same. At least with medicine, my soul felt fed. It was almost comfort enough. 

  “oH WE GOT A ROGUE ONE.” 

 A flying toenail hit my eye. 

 “WHAT THE-” I flailed my arms, as though there were a thousand more coming. Renny’s mouth opened in shock, her guilty body hunched over her bent leg. Clippers in hand.  

 “Sorry!!” Renny burst up laughing.

 “oH MY GOSH CAN YOU DO THAT OVER A TRASH CAN OR SOMETHING?!” 

 “IT HAD A MIND OF ITS OWN!!” she screamed back. 

 I blinked rapidly, my left eye watering up and spilling painless tears. “Well I’m going to have conjunctivitis at the studio later. Or I’ll be stumbling in blind.” I wiped it away.

 I heard another clip and she put up her hands with another giggle. 

 “All done. And you won’t stumble, I’m going to be there.” Renny extended her leg, her perfectly trimmed foot nearly touching the ceiling.

 “You’re just going to solicit Zayn to be his next subject.” 

 “Maybe,” her grin grew devious. “But also because I want to see if he captured the angelic beauty and complex nymph nuances of my best friend.” 

 I put a hand to my chest, still aching from uncertainty. “Honored.” 

 “Want to watch another episode until it’s time to go?” 

 This whole lazy morning had been an OC Housewives bingefest. She’d seen it on my homepage and had a complete spazz, twitching whilst proclaiming but i’ve been trying to get you to watch this show for YEARS!! When she saw the old season I was on, though, she didn’t have to question why her pestering had miraculously worked. She didn’t mention him aloud besides giving me a pointed look. And so, we watched it, even though I wasn’t really in the mood to see anything about Harry right now. It’d hurt more than I thought to walk away from him last night, and to see how sad he looked when I did. 

 After last night, he hadn’t posted anything to social media. He’d called, twice, but I knew he was drunk, or worse, and I was tired, and whatever he would say he could tell me in the morning. Even though I knew he wouldn’t. 

 And he didn’t. 

 And therein lay the problem. 

 It hurt to see his family on my little box of a computer screen, weird to see his life and get glimpses of his childhood. I felt like a hacker spying on home videos. But then I reminded myself that thousands of people had already done the same. At this point, it was just… morbid curiosity.

 “Nah, I don’t know if I can handle any more of that right now. Dr. Rhinecuff is going to yell at me if I don’t return these scanned copies to him by Monday.” 

 “Ew, he smells like meat.” 

 “RENNY!!” 

 “I’m just saying. That one time I went with you it smelled like pastrami in his office. He has a PhD, but isn’t with-it enough to buy air freshener.”

 “He likes pastrami sandwiches, let him live.” 

 She scrolled on her phone, not bothering to respond, and my gaze turned to the window. 

 “Hey Renny?” 

 “Hm.” 

 A bird flew close to the glass, halting just before it hit it, then zooming off in the opposite direction. “What’d you do when your parents were fighting?” 

 “Ummm…” I knew the question registered in her mind when she stopped scrolling, suddenly concerned. “Are your parents okay?”

 “Yeah. I mean, kind of.” I glossed over it, not caring to get into the bitter details. “I was just curious.” 

 “Uhh..” She plucked at the soft cotton of her cotton candy pajamas that were fraying at the knees. “I lost my virginity to Zach,” she half-laughed.   

 “Zach? Neighbor boy Zach?” 

 Renny nodded. She always sounded a little sad when she talked about him. Zach was the hot college boy who shared a backyard fence with Renny, the girl who may or may not have used her kitchen stool to peak over and see him workout on the grass every summer he came home. I’d known they’d slept together. I just didn’t think he was her first. 

 “I just tried to be out of the house as much as I could,” she said. “Found my true love Mary J.” 

 “Oh.” 

 “It was shitty, but I’m glad I got it over with.”

 “The divorce or your virginity.” 

 “Both,” she chortled. “Why what’s up? Are you sad or something? I have a j in my drawer.” 

 “No, no, I’m fine.” Mostly I was just wondering what it must be like to feel so sexually liberated. In my house sex wasn’t talked about. At all. The inevitable sex scene in every other movie would result in my dad blaring out “WHAT KIND OF MOVIE IS THIS!” in an attempt to make it less awwkard, but having it backfire and only make it horrendously more awkward. I wasn’t saving my virginity for anyone in particular, but after all those romance novels, I wanted it to be… something. I wanted to feel something towards the person where it would justify something I’ve kept to myself for so long. I wanted it to be intense. I wanted it to be like the books. Like a Frank Sinatra song that swept up your heart and transported you back to a time of gentlemen and cigars and women in long evening gowns with fur coats and martinis. 

 “I wish I could just get it over with,” I confessed. One half of me screamed YOU’RE IN YOUR TWENTIES HAVE ALL THE SEX while the other half said YOU’VE WAITED THIS LONG DAMN IT HOLD OUT A LITTLE LONGER. I didn’t know which part of me was compromising more. 

 Renny leaned in, quick. “Would you do it with Harry?” 

 Like the flip of a switch, I remembered the sensuous heat of his body against mine, wrapping me up and pressing me against him where we just fit. And I couldn’t imagine how much better it’d feel to be even more connected to him. 

 “Maybeeee…?” 

 But then there was last night. 

 I cringed. No matter how with me he’d seemed… he couldn’t have been present after mixing whatever the hell he took and a handle of alcohol. Did I really want someone like that? Someone who could only give a shell of themselves? 

 “No, I wouldn’t. Or- ugh, I don’t know. I don’t know if it could ever mean as much to him.” 

 Renny nodded. “I mean, don’t let him pressure you, obviously. If he does, I’ll kick his baby maker smack into his prostate. Prostate. See, anatomy. You taught me that.” 

 “Haha, no, he’s not like that.” My brows stitched. I was confused why he wasn’t more like that, actually. We’d known each other for several months now and he hadn’t even put a finger in me. When I thought about it, it actually frustrated me. Don’t pressure me to do anything, but I wanted to be pushed to do something. I was never the bold one in areas like this. 

 Not that I should be so willing to do anything with him anymore anyways. Something shifted in me when I’d seen him last night. It wasn’t a shift I could easily describe, but it’d set me a foot apart from my heart. A bit of me was shocked that it had happened so suddenly. 

 But this shift was new, and my heart still wanted what it wanted. I knew that if I watched any more OC Housewives with Harry’s toddler curls and surfer tan, I’d be sucked right back into speculating about what our future kids could look like. And if I saw him? 

 You were right, Harry. You are fucked. 

 I cringed again. That was harsh. That was very very harsh. 

 I didn’t know if I’d have the courage to apologize. What if my pheromones went berserk and magnetized me to his side??

 Renny was right.

 I needed therapy. 

 The clippers were tossed back on my desk.

 “Thanks,” she said. “Have you started on your DG Double P yet?” 

 DG Double P = Renny Speak for DG Pretty Please. 

 I groaned. “No. I don’t know how I’m going to do it, honestly. I have to-”

 “NO!!! Don’t tell me. We’re not supposed to tell each other.” Her hand extended in panic.

 “Fine. I can keep a secret.” 

 I was getting a little too good at that lately.

 She moved onto her belly, splaying her arms out in a dramatic fashion, face squished against the comforter. “Isn’t it just killing you inside.” She was dead serious. 

 “Yeah, more than you know.” 

 And I was serious, too. 

 --------------------------------------

 I wasn’t expecting people to dress up as much as they did. Donned in my only pair of yoga pants and a chunky white sweater, I walked arm-in-arm with Renny past girls in cocktail dresses and guys in button-downs. 

 Something that sounded like a baby’s cry filled my ears, but it was gone as soon as we walked through the doors to the on-campus gallery.  . 

 “Woah did you hear that?” 

 Renny nodded, tossing her head back. “There’s a baby somewhere.” 

 It reminded me of the bodiless screams in my nightmare. In my chunky sweater, I shivered undetectably.

 The on-campus gallery rotated exhibits throughout the year, but this time, student sculptures were on pedestals, nightmarish portraits hung on the walls, and red and orange tapestries swooped down and across the ceiling in a cirque-du-soleil moment as if to secure us beneath fire. Some students had separate booths, but other pieces of work trailed seamlessly into the next. 

 A tree made from photographs and newspaper took up the center of the space. Zayn had been so adamant about his muse having life, I wondered if that was the focus of this exhibit - to capture natural life. But I suppose all art did. 

 “It’s the circle of life exhibit,” Renny stated, as if reading my thoughts. 

 “How’d you know that?” 

 She held up a pamphlet she must’ve grabbed from the entrance. 

 I quickly scanned the room, hoping to find Zayn quickly so I could skip out just as quick. 

 Several of my professors were here, including Dr. Rhinecuff. When he saw me, I raised my hand, but he raised his cup of red wine awkwardly and looked away. 

 My hand wavered. 

 Odd. 

 Zayn was standing by the tree, speaking with an older woman. Her skin was a rich brown, short hair hidden beneath a chic scarf. The man beside her looked around the same age with graying facial hair, a pocket hanky, and beaded bracelets. Art professors. 

 I caught his gaze, and he gestured me over. 

 “Y/N, these are my instructors. David and Ebony.”   

 Their eyes lit up in recognition. “He did you a great justice,” David said, gray moustache twitching with the words.

 Ebony beamed. “Oh yes, a piece was already sold. He’s going to be the next big wig before he graduates,” she gushed. “Zayn, I’m sure you’ll be splitting the profits with the heart of the piece.”

 She gestured to me and his smile widened, but my stomach sank faster. 

 “I didn’t know these pieces were going to be sold.”

 Ebony sensed my concern. The wine in her glass swirled. “We thought allowing the pieces to be shown and auctioned was a good way to replicate what many of them should be doing once they graduate. The whole department gets involved, and these kids put in a lot of work, and the reputation of starving artists isn’t something we want to buy into here.”

 I nodded. “I mean, that’s great. That’s… really amazing.” 

 Zayn couldn’t meet my eyes. He knew. He could sense my hesitance, too. 

 “Now he can finally afford a nice dinner to take you out!” David proclaimed. 

 We were all quiet for a minute. “You know, for a thank you dinner,” David covered up. Zayn’s brows scrunched and he shook his head a bit, not knowing where David’s comment came from. 

 “Do you do this regularly?” Ebony asked, steering the conversation away from an awkward moment. 

 My ears pricked up when I realized she was looking at me. “Excuse me?” 

 “Well I was just thinking…” a light laugh lifted as if her idea would be outrageous. “Would you mind sitting in for one of my classes on Monday? Our model had a sudden death-” 

 “My God,” David proclaimed. 

 Ebony waved her hand. “-in his family. I haven’t called to replace him yet.”

 It quieted as they looked at me, waiting for a response. “Oh, I don’t… I don’t usually do this. At all. It was a chance thing.” 

 “Luck be the artist.” David raised his glass. 

 Ebony followed suit, looking at my empty hand. “You just going to let her stand there without a drink?”

 “Yeah, Zayn. What kind of treatment is this?” I teased. 

 He did a slight bow. “Apologies. We’ll walk to drinks, immediately.” He pulled us away, leading us further into the showroom as his head dipped low to my ear. “Renny just passed us to meet Felix and them. They’re through here.” 

 We stepped under an archway that led into a darker-lit room, but his hand stopped me beneath the nook. “Did yeh notice anything?”

 Yeah. I was noticing how close we were in this archway. He saw my eyes start to squint in thought and he turned me around to face the room we’d just left. 

 “Look closer.” 

 My eyes roamed the crowd, trying to find some sort of person, or pattern he could be referring to. With a brief seize of my heart, I expected to see somebody from the gang. 

 “Look at the artwork, Y/N.” His breath warmed my skin. 

 The paintings all seemed to be bright, though sticking to red, orange, blacks, and grays. Wait, forget a pallette pattern. The next painting had blue and purple, too. One sculpture looked like a writhing ghost, twisting and reaching for something above. Or maybe it was an unearthed tree root. Despite all the bold colors, there was something off-putting about how bright they all were. It wasn’t a soothing brightness. It was almost violent. The orange and red writhing tapestries warped the ceiling into something hot. 

 “Is it hell?” I chortled, but quickly quieted. I expected him to take offense, but his hand went lightly around my waist with a small smile.

 “Could be. See-” his arm extended out to scan the perimeter “-all this art is supposed to represent death, but challenge the notion of it through color.” 

 “How so?” 

 “Yeh know it’s usually your blacks, and your grays, s’depressing shit. But we’re born from death. Before life, there was nothing, but something. It’s bold and necessary and there, and no one really knows whatever comes before. Or after.” He looked at the room, taking a sip of wine. I watched as he swallowed, and I imagined the wine running down. “What is death but an uncertain existence.” He said the thought almost happily, looking at me with a slight smirk. “Could be anythin’.” 

 He took a deep breath, letting his hand touch the top of the archway. It was then that I noticed it wasn’t just plain drywall. A collage of photographs ran all along the inside. 

 He wasn’t as tall as Harry, but his hand still reached the top, scuffing across a picture of an African landscape taped over a toddler eating fruity pebbles. 

 “They’re pictures. Everyone donated one,” he said. 

 A strand of words were painted over the collage, running from one end of the archway to the other, and I tilted my head back to read it. “Things... that…. make... m..e …...feel alive.” 

 “Everyone was able to design their space in order to control, to some extent, how their art was perceived. Everyone was a part of the transition space.” 

 “Very nice,” I noted, slightly put-off. I hadn’t been expecting this art show to be so… professional. “Zayn, this is amazing. Like, really, truly, professional-grade stuff is happening. The presentation, the pieces, everything.”

 His smile grew wider, putting cool hands over my eyes. I flinched, but let him. 

 I felt him come closer. 

“Listen now,” he urged. 

 I listened, but I wasn’t sure for what. There was the familiar busy rumble of people mingling, parents visiting their kids, and professors droning on about the talent of their students. But it was chatter. I couldn’t make out one conversation over another. I shrugged up against his other hand that was atop my shoulder. 

 “Sometimes you need to change where you’re planted to understand.” 

 I hoped he could see my cross expression because I couldn’t tell if he was bullshitting me right now. It’d been a day. It’d been a night. And I wasn’t in the mood for more philosophical ramblings - especially about death. “I don’t know what you mean,” I sighed. 

 “Meaning I have to move you closer to the speakers.” He let out a breathy laugh. “Jus’ keep your eyes closed, okay?” 

 I nodded. His hand moved, tilting my head to its side. Eyes still closed, I became self-conscious imagining people trying to move past me, and here I was, planted, eyes closed in the middle of the archway. My cheeks heated. It was unnerving knowing people could see me when I couldn’t see them. And anyway, I must’ve looked ridiculous. 

 “What do you hear?” he urged. 

 “I hear a lot of people talking,” I griped. 

But right when I was about to open my eyes-  

 I heard a familiar chirping through the chatter. 

 “Birds?” I opened my eyes. 

 “Observance can be taught, sometimes.” Zayn leant back, looking mighty proud of himself. 

 “Why are there birds?” 

 “We’re entering life,” he smiled, backing into the space. I tipped my wine back, several long gulps lightening my step as I followed him. Immediately, I noticed much more natural, earthier tones. For being a room of life, it was surprisingly darker than the prior room.

 Renny, Felix, and Andre were huddled in the center where a makeshift wall-on-wheels covered in vines divided the room in half. 

 My eyes widened, trying to adjust to the dimness. “It’s a lot darker in here.” 

 “All intentional. They decided to play with light in here. People usually think of life being bright ‘n that, but it’s also when we experience varying degrees of darkness. There’s a balance to things and the trouble is finding it.” Understanding laced his voice as his dark eyes bore into mine, almost completely black. One look from Zayn and I was reminded of all the weight I’d been carrying. I fidgeted, uncomfortable seeing myself in his eyes. 

 “Y/N, get over here!” Renny called. My shoulders visibly relaxed. My saving grace. “You didn’t tell me you did this,” she said lowly as soon as I got close enough, shocked excitement barely contained. Her giddy smile gave it away though. “Miss sexy secret keeper over here.” 

 “What do you mean?” 

 She playfully poked my sides, but Andre and Felix avoided my gaze. Something wasn’t right. And it stirred my stomach, my body already knowing, somehow. 

 I turned in slow motion, the charcoal drawings in my peripherals stopping me in place. Framed amidst the vines, my face was etched onto paper, scrunching and twisting in various expressions. But my body was attached and twisting, too. And it was bare, bent over, spread out, laying down… My eyes scanned over them a dozen times in a second. 

 I was naked. 

 In all of them. 

 One was titled “21st Century Love.” In this one, I faced the viewer, but looked past them, sorrowful eyes, brows furrowed, breasts I’d never shown on full display. A hickey or two on my neck. A painful sting gripped my chest. I looked sad. I looked so sad.  

 Tunnel vision, a blurred Renny rushed down to the floor, and a distant part of me registered something wet splatter on my feet. 

 The wine had dropped.

 I’d dropped it. 

 I was trapped in a shell. My body was numb. 

 “Babes, you okay?” Renny asked, her voice somewhere far away. Somewhere outside the shell, her voice drowned in the busy rumbling, with the birds, with the watchers. People were watching me now. I was being watched. “Felix, grab some towels!” she barked. 

 I looked horrified, towards Zayn, but changed my mind just as fast. I couldn’t look at him. I couldn’t even breathe. 

 He didn’t know me at all. He could stare at me for a thousand sessions and paint every crevice, sunspot, blemish, and mole and still not see me. How was an artist this blind? How could he not know that this was the last thing I could ever want? How could he picture me so… intimately?

 The paintings seemed to swirl into one before bouncing back out into their separate exposees. 

 Because that’s what it was. 

 An exposure. 

 A stranger could pay to have me in their home. 

 The floor spun, vision spotting. 

 My lungs tightened, tearing me away from Renny, from Felix, from Andre. From Zayn, the artist who painted a confused girl so unashamed. So honestly. Savagely and Unabashedly. 

 “I didn’t want this.” 

 And it was when I was halfway out the door that I realized the voice had come from me, a mantra pushing my shell all the way home. 

part 22

[videomessiah]

Top 5 holiday movies for the viewers at home?

After much consideration, I've decided that 5 isn't enough. It must be 10. Sorry in advance to the other couple dozen movies that could have been on here. And so, in no particular order:

1: Die Hard (1988) Everybody's got to mention Die Hard, right? A group of handsome male models robbing Nakatomi Plaza during Christmas and looking gorgeous while they do it. And I guess Bruce Willis and the dad from Family Matters are there somewhere, I don't know.

2: Lethal Weapon (1987) Alright, but seriously, while the world is busy "ironically" putting Die Hard on their Christmas movie lists, they often forget about this holiday classic. Not only is it a great background setting, but I consider the Christmas spirit to be integral to both Riggs' and Murtaugh's story arcs. Die Hard and Lethal Weapon will always be double-billed here.

3: Home Alone (1990) Honestly, I wanted to put Planes, Trains & Automobiles on the list, but Thanksgiving comes before Halloween in Canada, so I have even less of an excuse to relate it to "the holidays" than Americans do. Nonetheless, a John Hughes-penned film has its place on my holiday mantel. The kids love it, the adults love it, John Candy's there. What more could you want?

4: Scrooged (1988) Sometimes lambasted as either too cynical or too sentimental, I myself believe that Scrooged gets the balance pretty near perfect. Bill Murray is at his best as the seemingly irredeemable asshole modern Scrooge named Frank Cross, and the supporting cast is fantastic. The television-faced Ghost of Christmas Future is just so damn creepy and cool in this, too.

5: Jingle All the Way (1996) Sometimes lambasted as either too cynical or too... shit, hang on. While a fantastic satire of Christmas consumerism, this movie is indeed very goofy. You're telling me that stupid kid didn't recognize his gigantic Austrian father just because he had a visor and a voice modulator? Ridiculous! Aside from that, I love Jingle All the Way with my entire heart. Have you ever noticed how many jokes there are in reviews about Arnold Schwarzenegger playing an American with an American family in this and other films? Like, do they think immigrants just hang out in their scary segregated bars all day and only marry other immigrants and pop out kids who somehow also have foreign accents? But I digress.

6: Black Christmas (1974) There's only room for one Bob Clark-helmed Christmas movie on this list, and it doesn't involve BB guns. The classic that starts all of the "can a non-Italian movie be a giallo?" and "what's the difference between a slasher and a giallo?" arguments with your friends (maybe just my friends?), it cemented the importance of Canadian productions in both the horror and holiday genres.

7: The Muppet Christmas Carol (1992) Scrooge again! But this time it's got the Muppets and Michael Caine and that old-timey setting that you would be missing if you only watched something like Scrooged. And it's a musical, you have to have a musical somewhere on a Christmas movie list.

8: The Hebrew Hammer (2003) You said "holiday", not "Christmas". 'Tis the season, goyim! It's pretty fucking sad that this almost 20-year-old comedy about a Jewish private eye having to defeat the evil son of Santa Claus is one of the only Hanukkah movies around outside of Hallmark and Adam Sandler. But if this is all you're going to get, it's pretty damn great.

9: Eastern Promises (2007) It takes place during Christmas. It's a Christmas movie. Fuck you. It's a Very Cronenberg Christmas. I won't hear otherwise.

10: Silent Night, Deadly Night (1984) / Christmas Evil (1980) Breaking my own "list of 10" rule by sticking these together. There was so much controversy about a horror film having a killer Santa when Silent Night, Deadly Night was released. If anyone had ever actually seen Christmas Evil when it came out, I'm sure it would have gotten the same treatment. Both are about a traumatized man dressing up as Santa Claus and murdering people. There are plenty of differences between the two movies, of course, but I like to consider them siblings.

[takaraphoenix]

Grey’s Anatomy: Review

Took me four months, but I have successfully watched all 16 seasons of Grey’s Anatomy - and what there is of season 17. Figured it deserves some words.

HOLY SHIT I LOVE THIS SHOW? SO MUCH?

(To set the appropriate mood for this and give you a TL;DR.)

That being said to open it up, it is most definitely not flawless. So let’s start there. For me, the one big flaw it has is really the writers’ cuckolding kink. So. Much. Cheating. And - worse than the cheating plots - the cheating apologism. They echo the exact same sentiment so often, that cheating is only one mistake and humans make mistakes. That’s... at one point, that stops being a plot device and starts to be very telling about the writer, to be quite frank.

That being said, let’s roll out the positive. And let’s kick it off with something that relates to all the cheating; so many forced love-triangles, but they usually don’t include toxic rivalries. It’d be so easy to have the men throw punches over the women or the women pull hair and scratch each other’s eyes... so many other rom-drama shows do it already, after all. But, honestly, the two lose ends on the love V (because these things ain’t triangles) usually have such a good dynamic with each other, ranging from civil to friendships to deep mentor ships - Meredith and Addison, Mark and Jackson, Cristina and Teddy? Seeing these dynamics, quite frankly, makes having to sit through a love-triangle-nonsense actually more than bearable.

The most impressive thing about the show is, to me, the amount of rep on it. I mean sure, the main lead is white and I’d estimate half the overall cast are white, but even from the get go - in 2005 - the ratio of white actors versus actors of color in the main cast was five to four. And they’re not background or side characters - I mean, two of them are, aside from Meredith, the only ones to still be around on season 17. They all have their own plotlines, their own relationships and troubles and struggles. It’s not just the Meredith show, not by far.

And beyond that, the queer rep on this show is... honestly mindblowing? I mean, seriously?

They introduced their first queer character in season 2, in 2005, when other procedual dramas that aired then in large parts just... never... added queer characters. And sure! Joe was only a recurring character and not a main character, but he was recurring for six seasons, he recurred a lot, he got established, he and his husband partook in the plot. And, again, this was just the beginning, back in 2005.

They’ve since then steadily broadened their horizon and become more inclusive.

Recurring and main character wise, we’ve had 5 lesbians, 5 bisexual women, 4 gay men and 2 trans characters over these 17 seasons. That’s a very solid list, honestly. If I look at other shows, again especially procedual dramas that are still largely aimed at a more conservative audience, the fact that we’ve had actual queer storylines in every single season since season 2? That’s amazing.

Even more so on the one-off characters, to be quite honest. Just... casually, this patient has two moms, this man is visited by his husband, here the child of the patient is nonbinary, look this patient is in a polyamorous relationship. Sure, those are only the one-off episodical characters, but you have no idea how much that matters too.

I know I’m repeating myself with this, but especially when compared to other procedual dramas, where the characters are often only queer when it’s important to the plot. He got beaten up and ended up in the hospital because he was gay. She got killed because she was trans. They’re motivational and important to the plot (and also usually used to victimize the characters).

The fact that this show, even 10+ years ago already, just... included queerness as part of our reality, included it casually, positively and repeatedly - really, it’s not just like it’s one episode per season like it’s some obligation, it happens a lot? For no actual needed plot reason, she just has a wife and she’s just happily married to her wife and that’s it, because queer people exist.

And I just, I struggle to express how much this casual rep means to me? And how it becomes even more amazing if you consider how long ago it started? And if you add to it the steady prominent recurring/main character rep?

Sure, it’s not perfect - the majority of their characters of color are black; it’s not overly diverse when it comes to what characters of color it included, it took forever to include the second Asian character and the first Muslim character and it could feature a broader variety of ethnicities, just like it could offer a broader variety of queer experiences, I mean it took them forever to introduce the first mlm main character and they have yet to include a bisexual man, I’d also just love to see an ace character or a polyamorous character, to paint a contrast to the sex-obsession and cheating plotlines - but... it’s doing more than many others and I do think it deserves praise for that and it keeps improving. They didn’t just add Erica and Callie as the first wlw couple and then stuck to only having two queer ladies on screen at the same time and never more, just constantly replacing Callie’s girlfriend. They kept adding more, they keep adding more.

Now, on to my absolute favorite thing about this show.

Because, let’s make one thing clear, I hate cheating and under other circumstances the amount of cheating on this show would have driven me off it ten seasons ago. But despite all of the very forced romance drama and sex obsessed allos on the show, that is not the show’s main focus.

This was never mainly about the romance. It’s always been about the platonic relationships first and foremost. Romances changed and broke up and got complicated, but what prospered were the friendships and found family relationships.

Cristina and Meredith are the defining relationship of this show. They are... friendship portrayed in a way I have never seen friendship portrayed before. The writing on their dynamic is just amazing.

And when Cristina leaves the show, the shift to Meredith-Alex and to the sister-dynamic between Meredith, Maggie and Amelia really works.

Personally, after watching the show, I’ve come to divide it into three arcs, each with a Part A and a Part B.

The first arc of the show - spanning seasons 1 to 5 - are about Meredith, Cristina, George, Izzie and Alex. And they explore the dynamic between those five and the individual relationships between them all, so very well. This was really found family done right.

Arc 2 is what I dubbed the rebranding arc - seasons 6 to 10. In Part A (s6 to s8), we got the focus on the Mercy West merger, ending in the horrific plane crash. While Part B is what I call the outfall, season 9 dealing with the outfall from the plane crash and season 10 being all about that Meredith-Cristina outfall.

I love Arc 1 a whole lot, it’s really good. I think Arc 2 is good too, especially the plane crash and its outfall were very gripping and well done, but I do think that this middle part earns the dub as rebranding because it feels like the show itself is trying to find its footing, trying to figure out a direction after MAGIC graduated into residents (and, inevitably, fell apart with the death of George and the departure of Izzie). It’s a bit unfocused on where it wants to go and I still loathe the big misunderstanding nonsense of season 10 (but am glad that Meredith and Cristina rekindled before Cristina’s departure).

Arc 3 is the sisters arc, where the Meredith-Maggie-Amelia dynamic rules, with a more uneven split between A and B, because A spans seasons 11 to 16 for me and is lovingly dubbed the Merlex arc by me, while B is just... season 17; the corona pandemic is really shifting the tone and focus and it coincides with the departure of Alex.

I’m more mixed on it than I am on the other two. For me, Cristina and Meredith just are the heart and soul of the show, so despite just how brilliantly they handled that all, I still miss them (though I greatly appreciate the fact that she still regularly comes up through phone calls, texts, etc). I greatly disliked Alex’s departure (which is a rant of its own).

On the overall, I would actually rank them in order - the first five seasons were my favorite, followed by the awkward middle because it still added brilliant things to it regardless, and despite coming in last, I do also love the second half of the show with the sisters in the focus.

I do admit that I had high hopes that Jo would become Meredith’s new person in season 17, considering the tremendous growth their relationship had - especially considering how Meredith crawled into Jo’s bed and was the one to coax what had happened with her mother out of her; that was “my person” behavior, quite frankly, and I also thought that Alex’s departure might bring them closer. I truly did not like Alex’s parting words to Meredith that she’s always been her own person.

Well, duh. Meredith Grey is an absolute badass. Which, also a thing I love a lot about this show. She is so incredibly strong and brilliant and takes care of herself.

But the point of her having her person was never that she needed someone else to stand in for her; it was to have someone around whom she didn’t have to be that strong. Someone she could come to to be weak around, someone to have her back when everything became too much. You just... can’t do that for yourself. So that sentiment was just incredible rubbish and I will be very mad if they truly have her embrace that nonsense, because she deserves someone like that.

Lastly, let’s talk romantic relationships. Very broadly, I assure you - I wouldn’t even have the patience to tackle them all, I mean seriously everyone has had sex on this show, or so it feels (no but seriously, the amount of overlapping ships on this show is ridiculous).

The only note I do have on that is that... nothing lasts forever. Quite frankly, the most “endgame” ships on this show are Richard/Catherine and Ben/Miranda (which, bless them, those two are literally my favorite of the canon ships). Everything else is just... fair game? They change, they break up, even if you absolutely hate a ship - don’t worry, it’s gonna end soon.

And occasionally, that... is even more rewarding than seeing a couple you do like get together? I mean, honestly, watching a ship you dislike for x reasons and then having them break up on screen and a character actually listing x reasons to the other’s face? Very carthatic.

I also have to mention the adoption positivity; Meredith and Derek adopt a child, not as a last resort after all else has failed, but simply because they fell in love with that little girl, Ben and Bailey took in Joey, because they have big hearts. So often, adoption is only shown as that very, very last option after you wasted thousands of dollars on all other biological options and then it is like a tragic compromise or something. Seeing them just... fall in love with this baby and adopt her and love her is so refreshing?

This show is just... really, really good? The writing is brilliant. I mean, this show made me laugh more than some comedies have? It’s funny, poignant and... not overly dramatic? I mean, of course it’s dramatic - it’s a drama. But it’s more... grounded. Even with some outstandingly extreme things happening, it is still very down to Earth, compared to other dramas that feel the need to go higher and more bizarre each season. It’s incredibly consistent, it includes so much rep and actual plotlines for every character, it really draws out relationships - familiar, platonic, romantic - in such great details.

I just really love this show.

[yossariandawn]

fanfic asks: 1, 4, 6, 9, 15, 20, 50, & 51!!

1. What was the first fandom you got involved in? Honestly, FDTD is the first fandom I’ve done anything approaching real involvement in! I was a long time lurker of many different fandoms, but this one is where I actually made accounts on the different platforms for myself, created stuff past a one off here or there (that mostly never saw the light of day lol) and actually interacted and even made friends in! However, if we are going for the first fandom I discovered, that would be Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

4. Do you regret getting involved in any fandoms? Since I’m only counting this one, nope! Though I will admit, several months ago I did start to see some of the rude or even nasty stuff that is scattered throughout probably all fandoms, directed at real people, normally over characters or ships. And I did make me think real hard about how much time I was putting into this, and whether it was something I wanted to continue to be a part of, even if it is pretty rare overall here. I decided to stick around, and I’m glad I did, but I definitely am trying to be much more conscious with disagreeing publicly when it comes across my dash.

6. List your OTP from each fandom you’ve been involved in. FDTD SethKate. Shoot, the only other kind of involvement in fandoms that I have OTPs in are Falling Skies Hal/Maggie. The Punisher’s Frank/Karen probably get in on just a technicality, since as much as I love them together, I could see them being happy with other people, but ONLY AFTER the events of the show and the impact they had on each other. I did make some vid requests waaaay back in the day for Life With Derek vids, since I couldn’t make any myself at the time! Here is one I found, but it’s not great quality anymore for some reason, and isn’t shippy, lol It’s Casey and her supportive therapist Paul, which is something I loved (VERY MUCH IN A NON ROMANTIC WAY) And I shipped Derek/Casey pretty hard, but I’m not sure they really reach OTP levels.  And a fandom I am very much not in does hold the only other OTP slot I currently have (General Hospital’s Jason/Sam) which I talk about for question 20. The truth is I’m not really normally an OTPer, most shows I watch I couldn’t care less about the ships by themselves as long as I think everyone is acting in character and in interesting ways. Which is a prerequisite for me liking a show in the first place, so 🤷‍♀️

9. What are the best things about your current fandom? The people and the talent. AND THE SHOW, which I adore, for all its faults! But the people have really made this into something special.

15. Is there an obscure ship which you love? Hal/Maggie from Falling Skies probably qualifies for obscure, as there is shockingly little stuff for my favorite badass alien invasion resistance fighters duo.

20. Any ships which you surprised yourself by liking? OK, so this one may also count as obscure, they have a big presence on youtube but basically nothing on tumblr. Jasam aka Jason Morgan/Sam McCall from General Hospital. I don’t watch soaps as a general rule (not knocking them, by any means, they just rarely have stuff I am interested in, and the nature of the format makes it hard for me to stay invested) and when I first got cable I started catching glimpses of the late night reruns on the SOAP Network of some of the weirder ones, like Passions (haha thanks Spike for referencing it enough to catch my interest) and Port Charles, General Hospital’s confusingly related (but not really?) spinoff show. And then one day I noticed one of the Port Charles actresses (Sam!) was now on one of the big deal soaps, but was playing a different character! IN THE SAME TOWN?! but during the day, with less/no vampires and more/all mob antics. ANYWAY, end result is I got increasingly sucked into her storyline, and THEN THE JASAM STUFF HAPPENED, which it was so my kind of thing it’s not even funny. PARTNERS! IN CRIME! AND IN LOVE! BADASS SOFTNESS AND TRUST AND PEOPLE WHO LOVE AND PROTECT EACH OTHER AND THEN REALIZE WHOOPS WE’RE IN LOVE OH NO WHAT WILL WE DO. And the downside of loving a soap opera character or pairing is you just have to accept the fact that at some point they will become completely UNRECOGNIZABLE, either through characterization or actual recasting. 🤣 So while I did stop watching after the god awful “Sam sleeps with her stepdad and Jason has a secret love child” arc, I did tune back in for both their Mexico Road Trip Reunion and their (First) Wedding! And I still rewatch their 2004-early 2006 storylines on youtube, and I will always scan the supermarket soap mags for little glimpses into how things are going for them, which seems to be pretty well actually! They are definitely a real Legacy Couple now, and Jason the Original is apparently back too, which is nice.

50. How did you get into reading and/or writing fanfiction? Spuffy 😂. I don’t know how I found the first fanfic I read (other than clearly way to much free access to the internet)  There’s a chance I was watching fanvids first, which led into finding out about fics. AND IN MY DAY THERE WAS NO YOUTUBE, so fanvids were much harder to find! RIP Buffyverse Database (i think that’s what it was called lol) But Spike was my favorite character on Buffy, and  I fell so hard in love with the IDEA of Buffy and Spike having a romantic connection and acting on it, right up until it started actually happening in Season 6. It was a wild ride for twelve year old me, but I learned a ton about what kind of things I like in relationships, and want kind of things I VERY MUCH DO NOT LIKE. And for anyone who likes Spuffy, this is completely a personal preference, not a dig at the couple. I do understand the appeal, it’s just didn’t end up being what I wanted it to be.

51. Rant or Gush about one thing you love or hate in the world of fanfiction! Go! Ok, so this is a bit of advice with some rant mixed in! If you send anon stuff to a writer, please remember you are talking to a real person, and someone who has put themselves out there in some way enough for you to comment on. If you choose to go anon, the very fact of your anonymity means that the only information they will have are the contents of that one message you’ve sent, and that you’ve chosen to not take the risk of putting yourself out there in the same way the person receiving the message has. And if all you are sending in that message is a correction, or disagreement, or (in more extreme cases) even an attempt to police your fandom by telling someone else that they are participating wrong (meaning not in a way you agree with) then your message? May not be given the good faith extended to people who DO put themselves out there, however imperfectly they do it. Good and effective communication is so hard, I really understand, and it’s a skill that all of us are still learning and sometimes failing at. I’ve been really impressed by how I’ve seen people handle messages  I know I would not have been able to do with such grace! Personally, at this point the cons of anon stuff outweighs the pros for me, but everyone gets to make their own choice on how they handle their inbox thankfully! (anon asks can be toggled off and on, and you can even block anons instead of answering them!) But anon or not, we should all treat each other kindly, even people we disagree strongly with. And if you do, you may even change someone's mind or learn something new yourself. I know from personal experience it’s way more effective than the alternative, which doesn’t make it easier, but does make it worth trying.

Thanks for sending these in @alwaysupatnight! 💖💖💖

[stripyhorse23]

TV of 2020

1) I May Destroy You

I May Destroy You might not have been written during the pandemic, but when it arrived in June it felt like the sort of complicated, cathartic show that could have been.  Detailing one woman’s experience of rape and its aftermath, Michaela Coel (who wrote every episode) continually found rich narrative avenues in which to explore her characters’ individual experiences of sexual assault and consent.  If that makes the series sound concept-driven, it always placed its characters first; the push-and-pull between Arabella, Terry and Kwame is key to the ways in which Coel’s tender, curious writing is able to explore power dynamics within relationships, friendships and hook-ups.  Other, lesser shows that are this deliberately open-ended might feel opaque: it’s testament to the show’s confidence of voice that isn’t the case here.

2) Normal People

Like plenty of others, I binged the entire series of Normal People in a weekend, although one of its many pleasures is how Sally Rooney and Alice Birch’s adaptation teases out the episodic nature of the former’s bestseller.  From Connell’s early days at university, to a Tuscan holiday turned sour, and an exchange year in Sweden, Normal People was about the ways in which the people we love move in and out of our lives over the years.  It wasn’t immune to mis-steps (the show draws something of a crude line between the abuse Marianne suffers at home and what she seeks out in romantic partners), but the sheer emotional heft of the show was undeniable, nowhere less so than Paul Mescal’s floodgate-opening performance in Episode 10.

3) Adult Material

Perhaps one of the year’s most overlooked shows, Adult Material follows Hayley Burrows as she attempts to balance life as the harassed mother-of-three and the twilight years of her career as adult performer Jolene Dollar.  The slyly comic edge of the first episode is quickly eroded after Jolene becomes embroiled in the abuse of another actor on-set.  A stark portrait of alcohol abuse and loneliness, it’s also a sharp indictment of how little the so-called ‘culture wars’ surrounding pornography are meaningfully impactful on sex workers themselves.  Hayley Squires gives the sort of white-hot star performance usually reserved for 90s Hollywood rom-coms, a veneer of frustration and resignation overlaying even her character’s most abrasive moments.

4) Cook, Eat, Repeat

Why not in this interminably shitty year, choose the one show that offered the sort of balm it’s impossible to reverse engineer?  Following hot on the heels of a disappointing series of The Great British Bake-Off, Nigella Lawson’s warm, inviting half-hour new series was the televisual equivalent of a long bath and a facemask.  Her fish finger bhorta, brown butter colcannon and black pudding meatballs have already made it into this household’s repertoire, but there’s something innately comforting about the luxurious silliness of Nigella that almost transcends criticism.  Whether it’s the giddy nonsense of her liquorice box, the ‘did I hear that right’ moment when she revealed her pronunciation of ‘microwave,’ or the seductive self-care of making a creme caramel for one, no other show elicited such pure enjoyment from me this year.

5) I’ll Be Gone In The Dark

The true crime documentary series boom has increasingly leaned into a focus on the victims, from last year’s The Yorkshire Ripper Files to Jeffrey Epstein: Filthy Rich, but none so effectively or compassionately as I’ll Be Gone In The Dark.  Less a story about the hunt for the Golden State Killer and more a study of trauma and obsession, the series splices together home footage of the late Michelle McNamara’s investigation with survivor testimony to create a haunting portrait of one man’s legacy of pain.  The early episodes are replete with skin-crawling tension, anguish and tears, but the later episodes allow that to fall away, focusing on the mental fortitude necessary for the survivors at its centre and the sense of community fostered by meeting other women like them.

6)The Salisbury Poisonings

I had no interest in watching this BBC limited series initially: the advertising made it look dry, the story itself (the Novichok poisonings of 2018) seemingly devoid of juicy narrative material.  That I’ve watched this three times in the space of a year speaks to its robust, urgent filmmaking.  Like several other shows on this list, it arrived into the context of a pandemic it couldn’t have foreseen, but watching the rapid, careful response of local government (crucially and deliberately obstructed by Whitehall) to this crisis presented a sort of horribly watchable what-if scenario.  What seemed at first blush to be middle-of-the-road programming evolved over three episodes into the sort of spare, quietly terrifying journalistic drama that invites comparison to last year’s Chernobyl.

7) We Are Who We Are

It turns out that Luca Guadagnino’s woozy, seductive style transfers perfectly to television, and despite We Are Who We Are lacking the timelessness that typifies I Am Love or Call Me By Your Name it thrillingly captured the turbulent adolescence of its teenage characters.  Equally effervescent and raggedly emotional, the show’s joy always felt hard-won, bumping heads with the often cynical, unreadable motivations of the adult characters.  A tender and frank depiction of queer identities within traditionally restrictive environments, it’s also a love letter to young friendship and the lifeline that can provide during our formative years.  Spellbinding.

8) Selling Sunset

Perhaps the year’s most impressively constructed reality show, I was slow on the uptake with Netflix’s Selling Sunset only to have it take over my life for a few weeks during the summer.  Manufactured reality series are tough to get right, but much like The Hills (surely this show’s biggest influence) Selling Sunset gains a lot of mileage from gaming pre-existing friendships for maximum impact.  Christine and Mary’s beleaguered relationship and, obliquely, their respective responses to fame continued to provide wildly watchable fireworks, but the build-up to Chrishell’s separation from husband Justin Hartley was exquisitely handled.  Suddenly Davina’s strangely uncharismatic shit-stirrer and Christine’s predictably OTT wedding were forced to take a back seat to something approaching genuinely moving television.  Trying to tease out what was real and what wasn’t, and following the ways this all spilled out onto social media, was pure, unmitigated pleasure in a year sorely lacking in just that sort of unfettered escapism.

9) My Brilliant Friend

Two seasons in and there might not be another character on TV that I’m as continually frustrated and fascinated by as Lila, the eponymous ‘brilliant friend’ of the show’s title.  Sparingly warm, often cruel, seductive, Season 2 of HBO’s masterful adaptation sees her trapped in a loveless, abusive marriage but as ever it’s her fractured relationship with Lenù that forms the emotional spine of the show.  There’s often a strange sort of snobbery around the term ‘prestige drama,’ as if all that money on the screen is a smokescreen for a dearth of anything to say; My Brilliant Friend uses every colour in its paintbox to portray the yawning void that opened up between Lenù and Lila as they entered adulthood, from the lavish, provocative outfits Lila’s adopts after she marries Stefano to Max Richter’s evocative score and the detail poured into the show’s supporting characters.  Rewardingly complex.

10) Mrs. America

I laboured over what would take my tenth spot this year since there was so much TV that I loved, and especially this year so much of it felt essential to how I was receiving the world around me.  Ultimately, Mrs. America’s mixture of astute political commentary, character-driven writing and host of enjoyable performances tipped the scale in its favour.  Cate Blanchett’s all-timer of a performance as Phyllis Schafly understandably received the majority of attention, but Mrs. America gave us so many memorable moments: Sarah Paulson’s Alice ringing the bell at reception whilst high, Uzo Aduba’s Shirley Chisholm speaking to a potentially bugged hotel ventilator, Margo Martindale’s Bella Abzug quietly realising she’s no longer the radical of her youth on a busy New York street.  This sort of deft, smart political drama isn’t often this much fun to watch, and what an ending...

11) This Life

An honourable mention to a show made almost twenty-five years ago that nevertheless helped define the year in TV for me.  Shows that were once considered part of the zeitgeist can often feel quaint and old-fashioned in retrospect, but Amy Jenkins rambunctious flatshare drama isn’t one of them.  Whilst it can sometimes feel like the show’s characters are universally adverse to making even one good decision between them, there’s a compassion and care underpinning This Life that means it never comes across as overly cynical or sneering.  There’s also a lot to be said for discovering a performance that you genuinely consider to be one of the best of the decade, and no other character this year frustrated and moved me in the ways that Daniela Nardini’s Anna did.  Bonus points for the genuinely chaotic final episode, perhaps one of the best I’ve ever seen.

And FWIW, these are ten performances from shows not on the list above that I loved this year: Marielle Heller in The Queen’s Gambit, Nicholas Hoult in The Great, Sarah Lancashire in Last Tango in Halifax, Poorna Jagannathan in Never Have I Ever, Michael Sheen in Quiz, Imelda Staunton in Talking Heads, Leila Farzad in I Hate Suzie, Alison Pill in Star Trek: Picard, Gillian Anderson in The Crown and Andy Allo in Upload.

And ten episodes of TV that I loved too: ‘Terry and Korvo Steal a Bear’ (Solar Opposites), ‘The Gang Deals With Alternate Reality’ (The Good Fight), ‘Uncle Naseem’ (Ramy), ‘The View From Halfway Down’ (Bojack Horseman), ‘The Vat of Acid Episode’ (Rick and Morty), ‘I Am’ (Lovecraft Country), ‘No Small Parts’ (Star Trek: Lower Decks), Seven-Spotted Ladybug’ (Everything’s Gonna Be Okay), ‘Daytona’ (Cheer), ‘Whenever You’re Ready’ (The Good Place).

[citrinekay]

Looking Season 2 thoughts

So I finished season 2 last night, and I’ve been trying to gather my thoughts and pick the broken pieces of my heart up off the floor - and the first thing that comes to my mind as a general reaction to these ten perfectly crafted yet heart-breaking episodes is the quote by C.S. Lewis: “Experience: that most brutal of teachers. But you learn; my God, do you learn.” 

I absolutely loved all the character arcs and development that occurred over the course of season 2 for all the characters, not just Patrick. Though I was very sad to see Lynn and Dom break up, I think that relationship taught Dom that he wants something real - not just sex - out of relationship. If S3 had happened, I would have loved to see Lynn learn that he wants to try to find some level of the happiness that he had with his late boyfriend again. Later on, Dom also learned that he needs to be independent and do things on his own with him opening his chicken window (in my mind, a smashing success!!) I was most surprised by Agustin’s development in this season. He truly hit rock bottom, and I gained a new respect for him seeing him face the consequences of his actions and in part, the brutal truths about himself that Frank explained to him at the end of S1. I can relate to and respect a character who learns from his bad choices and tries to be a better person. And in turn, the addition of Eddie to the cast of characters was really lovely for me. I loved the fact that they included an HIV positive character and were honest yet also sensitive about the topic. Eddie himself was just a joy to see, and what I really liked about his relationship to Agustin was that he’s a no-bullshit kind of person. He doesn’t let Agustin lie to himself or be a prideful asshole. If we had gotten S3, I think we would have seen a beautiful evolution of that relationship, and Eddie learning to stop using his HIV status as a reason to shut people out from having a serious, committed relationship with him. 

And now, I save Patrick for last because oh my Lord 😭 Oh my poor, sweet, baby. Where do I even start? Though the character development in this show is so detailed and carefully orchestrated in a way that feels really natural and amazing to watch, it was also really fucking sad and disappointing. This season with him and Kevin was like watching a train wreck in slow motion. I knew exactly where it was going, but at some point (I think around episode 8 or 9 when Kevin finally broke up with Jon and they got together and seemed to be really happy) I had one small moment where I wanted it to work out - simply so that I wouldn’t have to see Patrick get his heart broken again. Alas, my opinions about Kevin were correct from the very beginning. What a dick. I never liked them together, but the reason for their breakup really upset me. I completely agree with Patrick when it comes to relationships and monogamy. If the point of having a relationship isn’t exclusivity and devotion, then what is the point??? Kevin really blew it because he could have had someone who would love him fervently for the rest of his life - but I guess that goes to show how he felt about his relationship to Patrick all along. It’s like Richie told Patrick, “You shouldn’t be in deeper than the person you’re with.” That was the case, for sure. 

It all comes back around to 1x1 in which Patrick asked Dom “Why do I go on so many bad dates?” and Dom said, “Because you care too much what your mom thinks.” Maybe in this season Patrick saw a whole different side of his mother, but he still cared so much about what his entire family thought of him. The fact that he rushed to move in with Kevin just to prove a point to his sister is really fucking sad. He’s just looking for acceptance and respect inside his own family and it seems that no matter what he does, he can never get it. I don’t agree with Megan’s mean behavior over the whole situation, but she had a couple good points. Patrick made the same mistake as he did in S1 with Richie, though for entirely different reasons - he rushed it. He was so eager to prove to himself that he could be in a relationship that he completely ignored every warning sign and gut feeling about Kevin that could have saved him a lot of heartache. To see him admit that to himself in their final conversation was crushing yet also important. Watching him lie to himself about Kevin and himself all season was so frustrating, and it was good to see him open his eyes to the truth no matter how painful it was. 

So, in conclusion, I suppose Patrick did learn. He finally learned that he does want a real, monogamous relationship (a clear contrast to episode 1 and cruising in the park.) He learned to stop caring about his family. He learned that he should have listened to himself when he broke up with Kevin the first time. I think, in time, he’ll learn that he still loves Richie so much and that he is finally ready for that commitment Richie was looking for the first time around. And if the show HAD to end (i know there’s the movie but I’m talking season after season) I would have wanted it to end exactly the way it did - Patrick showing up at Richie’s barber shop, asking for him to cut his hair. Not just cut it, but shave it all off, a fresh start. I think this was a very subtle point and a throwback to Patrick’s conversation with his mom in the wedding episode when he told her that Richie has no other ambition aside from cutting hair. It’s not a lowly, unimportant pursuit. I think it’s a form of healing touch that’s very intrinsic to the human condition. Not only did Patrick go to Richie after his horrible breakup with Kevin, he went there to change his hair and to start changing himself.

Favorite episodes happened right in the middle of the season:

2x5: Looking For Truth - Patrick’s day with Richie which felt a little like a modified version of their date back in S1 when Patrick called off work to spend the day with him. I love them just sitting there talking, looking at each other, understanding one another 💛

2x6: Looking For Gordon Freeman - Patrick being an absolute MESS

2x7: Looking for a Plot - Patrick going to Doris’ dad’s funeral with her and Dom. I thought it highlighted grief and emotional turmoil in an important and poignant way from Doris’ reactions to her father’s passing, to Dom’s nostalgia about their hometown, to Patrick’s utter breakdown at the graveside service. Even though he didn’t know Doris’ dad, the memorial spoke deeply to him about what he really wants for himself, the brevity of life, and the impact of his choices. It made sense to me why he went back to Kevin after that even if I didn’t agree with that choice. I think it was probably my most favorite out of the entire season. 

I’ll be watching the Movie later tonight and am simply praying please be kind. I want to be healed from the heartbreak of S2 and see Patrick and Richie back together again after so much turmoil. It’s what they deserve !! 😭💕