#tm uk

[koomaqu]

[youmagnificentbeast]

TASKMASTER SERIES 18 -> A Cameraman bumping into Alex + Andy D Cameo

[intergalactic-garbage]

diversity win! the evil man forcing you to do petty tasks for him is bisexual!

[m1nts]

Masters ur tasks

[sowhatsthesituation]

Here are some Taskmaster Idioms to use in day to day life to confuse anyone who doesn't watch Taskmaster

​​​"Like counting beans" - a waste of time

​​​​"Chuck a lime" - be mad about it/ let all your anger out

​​​​"Shutting the garage door" - to lose a perfect opportunity

​​​​"On the red green" - suddenly going from amazing to horrible

​​​​"Moving fishbowls" - completely ignoring a task given to you

​​​​"See you in the Champion of Champions" - used ironically after a failure

​​​​"Tossing around a bag of sugar" - putting lots of effort into the wrong thing

​"Looking in the kitchen for spoons" - wasting time looking for something you already have

[thenaturalfriends]

Rosie Jones made Sam Campbell soup for the "Recreate a famous piece of 2D art in 3D" task.

Combined with Steve Pemberton bringing in some SamCam art for a prize task in series 17 and James Acaster bringing in Sam's drawing of James with two dicks in series 7, Sam is by far the comedian most mentioned by other contestants.

This is because Sam is perfect.

[fofi42]

Who missed that one?

Taskmaster s17e09

[agraypigeon]

lord Davies and his little henchman

[sparemintss]

andy zaltzman doesnt feel real to me idk how but he just doesnt 😭 like i know he's real but he's got a mind that doesn't feel real to me but instead feels like im going on an acid trip💀

[cognitivemania]

Kay, here's some TMUK stuff I managed to photo in the wayback machine. Does anyone know any tmuk website that's not defunct or abandoned?

I know there's one in geo site, but that's about it..

[youmagnificentbeast]

so anyway, i wrote about how greg misread the naughty step...

Taskmaster S17E03 Outtake

[koomaqu]

god i love them so muchhhhh i had to get this out of my system

shout-out to all the lovely people writing the jack/alex fics on ao3, i owe you my life 🙏

(full uncropped drawing on my Patreon)

[youmagnificentbeast]

"Sing to me, Nick!"

[intergalactic-garbage]

true facts about little alex horne

he can fit a penny in the gap between his teeth

has exactly 30% fewer bones than the average person

comes into work with his sandwiches cut into fingers, because he believes they "taste better"

tina turner once described him as "simply the best", and in a separate conversation, "a complete arsehole"

goes around the supermarket following people he thinks look cool, and when they pay and throw away the receipt, picks it up, and buys what they bought

nibbles and scurries his way through life like a long human rat

has his mantra going in his head at all times, and it's "absoluta pulsis voluptatem" (absolute driving pleasure)

when naked, looks like a weird, ill monkey

has crumbs in his beard dating back to the 90's

when it comes to childcare, he doesn't think his wife rachel "pulls her weight"

he doesn't really like women, because he thinks they've gotten a bit "too chopsy of late"

walks like a weird victorian clockwork toy soldier

is the answer to the question "what happens if you throw chunks of pork at a revolving carwash brush?"

his new years' resolution was "bringing back the patriarchy"

his first french kiss was with his second cousin jacob, now a legal underwriter on the isle of man

he doesn't think the NHS is very good, and according to him, some nurses are "lazy"

cries every time he watches free willy, and frees his willy every time he cries

has a separate bank account that his wife doesn't know about

as a child was so irritating, that his mother paid for "a barrage of medical tests"

he's scared of three things: slugs, small spaces, and women being allowed to vote

was once chased and bitten by a peacock in a day he refers to as "the day [he] lost [his] children's respect"

thinks all primary school teachers are the scum of the earth

thinks the refuge team that collects his bins every week are "stupid" and "don't deserve to be paid"

thinks climate change is a hoax propagated by "liberal pussies who don't know how to party"

sometimes deliberately revs his engine in traffic, because it makes him feel "like [he's] in charge of all women"

"[doesn't] know much about politics, but [he thinks] poor people should stop moaning and pull their flipin' fingers out"

is the answer to the question "what does a corpse look like when a corpse continues to grow hair post-mortem?"

his father has only ever given him one christmas gift, a beautifully wrapped piece of welsh slate, that had one solitary word engraved upon it. that word? toad.

until the age of 14 thought his penis was an eleventh finger, with the specific purpose of putting stamps onto letters

when he was young, used to practice kissing on his grandfather's pet carp "mr. suckles"

his slogan is "friendless oddball"

if it was up to him, scotland would be physically sawn off from the UK, and floated into the north sea. horne stated that "we'll soon find out how much they want independence when all they've got to eat is shortbread"

when his wife shouts at him, he whispers "get lost" under his breath

his children call him "little alex horne"

once got dragged 11 miles through the open country side by holding on to what he believed to be a horse's "fifth leg"

makes up tasks in his jacuzzi, and knows he's got a "good one", because "[his] bald ferret breaks the surface for air"

if he sees the pilot of any plane he boards is a woman, he immediately leaves

once hospitalized himself by doing high kicks to toxic by britney spears

🎶 he says he's over six foot but he's five foot four 🎶 little alex horne! 🎶

without hair would be as physically featureless as one sausage

ran away with a circus, but was sent back home, because he was annoying everyone and upset the animals

at some point nearly every day, he cries

once did a poo in a paddling pool

pretty woman is his favourite film

collects teapots that look like cottages

has no respect for the military, and if any soldier came up to him in public, "[he] could easily have them coz they're all stupid"

his head is shaped like the rubber of a pencil, and his body is shaped like a pencil

statistics are his foreplay and spreadsheets his post-coital cigarette

his wife keeps a pocketful of treats for when he remembers to "do toilet outside"

is single-handedly keeping the plastic shoe industry alive

once wet himself on a train when he was 30

hasn't bought car tax or insurance since the 90's, because he thinks it's an example of "big government"

[m1nts]

Hell yeah @line-a-rt-fanarts

[dargo9]

Rewatching series 3 of Taskmaster, and I'd forgotten exactly how weird Paul Chowdhry was, and also how adorable his sweet little smile is.