#to be clear I myself am
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Dungeon meshi art coming soon. Fat bitch falin coming soon
#to be clear I myself am#fat#or at least chubby I don’t#know anymore#i have long nails it’s hard to#TYPW I KWWPL HUTTING WNTER#anyways point is obviously fat bitch is meant as a pet name <3
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this lesbian keeps flirting with me in my creative writing class, and I'm fumbling it. she told me I didn't have to get sheets from the front of the class today, and that we could sit beside each other and share, but I said "no 😡 I want my own sheets."
and then one of the hand-outs was a poem she wrote about sexually dominating a woman into eating her out. LADS, did I need my own sheets that badly??
#the class before this out she tried to grab my papers for me#and I said omg no dont let me inconvenience you#and grabbed them myself#and she also cleared a space so I could sit near her but I was walking in late and just panic-sat in the closest available seat#I am FUMBLING THIS SO BAD
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it's time to go, my love (ID in alt)
#vashwood#trigun maximum spoilers#vash the stampede#nicholas d wolfwood#trigun#trigun maximum#ruporas art#been in a very bad Art rut lately... the fatigue is finally catching up so i turned to my very trusty muses#to bring me somewhere. somehow its vol 10 i always return to. though i thnk this is the first time im posting v10 art#i have so many in my drafts but this vol always made me emotional. It's been a year now so my emotions#They've cleared up. Somewhat.#i think i just delusioned myself into a place where ww is always alive bc i draw him well and healthy all the time. his death is such an#essential part to the narrative though... i'll never be able to run from it completely :']. anyway. im not too sure how to elaborate my#Thoughts on this one but i am quite Happy with the blueness of it all.
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i feel like one big difference in how mumbo engages with hermitcraft vs how other big successful hermits engage with it is that a lot of the hermits have settled into mcyt as a day job, whereas mumbo makes consistent efforts to grow from it. tango with his 15 years experience as a game dev, cubfan the published astrophysicist, etc., for many if not most of the hermits, being a cc full-time was a deliberate choice they made that involved leaving behind a previous job. in skizz or joe's case, it's smth they worked a long time to achieve. cc!mumbo is a lot younger and has all these other ambitions he hasn't explored yet. and at that age with those artistic skills, who wouldn't want to try and leverage their platform for other things, right?
there's a very different vibe watching mumbo vs. watching hermits who clearly plan to be full-time hermits as long as they're able
the in-character result is a very absent c!mumbo and a lot of really fucking sad grumbo interactions. kill me now forget the cactus ring, the desert i'm stuck in is sahara
#hermitblr#i'm not maintagging my weird mental analysis of people i don't know#just kidding mumbo doesnt use tumblr i will tag him#mumbo jumbo#to be clear this isnt @ scarian enjoyers#i myself am a scarian enjoyer
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A lot of people are rushing to storytelling in the aftermath of the assassination attempt. They make up conspiracy theories. They decide that the election is lost, or that people need to boldly struggle on lest it be lost.
But the lesson of the whole thing is that life isn't a story.
The dude owns a third of the Supreme Court. He leads one of two major political parties in this country. He thinks constantly about his own safety. He's surrounded by guys whose whole job is to protect him. But none of it could stop some guy with a gun from shooting at him, and coming kind of close?
He's not a god, he's just meat and hair and an internal perspective.
Apparently someone at the rally did die. Did get shot and die. Not even the shooter, just someone who was there. And the whole country is fretting about the old dude who got some blood on his face. Somebody died, but the story's apparently just ... not about them.
Conversely, there was this dangerous, dangerous politician; an insurrectionist, a monster, in an incredibly divisive and contentious time---and someone took a shot at them, just months before the election, and basically, nothing happened.
No dramatic movement towards the next act of the movie at all.
... but that's how it works, though. Life isn't a story.
Stories are how we organize what happened, after.
We're not in the after. Not really. Nothing's doomed, and nothing's safe either. Nobody's suffering is worth it. Go make someone's life better.
If you're all full of emotions because of a story in your head, I dunno, bake something for a friend. Feed your poor cat. Donate to a vetted Palestinian fundraiser. Visit your family. Lift someone up. Lift someone up.
Lift someone, somewhere up.
At least one person died at the rally. Ninety in Palestine. An old guy got a fuckbucket of trauma and some blood on his face.
Go make someone's life better.
#to be clear I am constantly prey to thinking about stories myself#this is something I have to tell myself too#one sentence slightly revised after some googling
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wait, you're a lawyer? for real?
I got an associates in stage tech, a double BFA in Graphic Design and 3D Design, and then went to law school on full academic scholarship, booked twelve classes, fell asleep during the Bar Exam three times (but passed with flying colors before the curve), and the motion for my admission to practice (put forward by my brother, also a lawyer), started, "My sister has many issues, but the one before the Court today is that of her admission to the State Bar of Michigan."
And somehow yes, they do let me practice law.
#i try to to brag about myself because that is a midwestern seven deadly sin#but i will be honest: i am excellent at school. I could get a degree in anything#even things i would be genuinely terrible at#because im just really good at school.#it is not a useful skillset post graduation.#anyway my brother and i were in law school with an overlap of about a year and a half and our peers fucking hated it#because he went through and booked a ton of classes#breaking the curve kind of a lot#and just when they thought they were rid of him and the curve could go back to normal: here i come with the same bullshit#also to be clear the Bar is two full days . i didn't fall asleep three times in like a one hour test.#.... although i have also done that.
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ok everybody block dnp on all socials they have eyes everywhere. they know way too much. those omniscient fuckers are always watching. no one is safe.
like what do you MEAN you know about those stupid “real voice” compilations and people absolutely clowning about jumpcuts and smudged whiskers and what do you MEAN you’re aware of those 2009 phan theories people still debate to this day? what happened to “i don’t check my indirects” “i don’t go on the tags”?? i bet you’re lurking RIGHT NOW reading this very post. all men do is lie. can’t trust anyone 😤😪
#/j#dnp#dan and phil#pinof#phan#gamingmas 2023#yeet my deet#dan howell#daniel howell#amazingphil#phil lester#danisnotonfire#i didn’t participate in the phandom until they came out#i was an older phannie i started watching at age 16#so i knew better#so this feels like i’m being punished for something i didn’t do#and having always been mortified and embarrassed by the shit yall would say back in the day#my only respite was “ok maybe dnp didn’t see this”#no they’ve seen EVERYTHING#you’re past is coming back to haunt you but your past is also coming back to haunt me lmao#to be clear i am part of the problem simply for consuming phan/phandom media at the time and therefore giving those videos views#but i was always terrified of the phandom#like i didn’t even consider myself part of the phandom for my first 4 years as a phannie#i was a closet demon phannie lol#i started participating after they came out and we were all actual adults about it and super respectful#i was like we’re all old and gay now i love this for us#yeet my deenp#bog
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i keep thinking about hobbies and how i often spill over myself to pick up new ones. i have adhd, i end up trying something for like a month and then just getting far enough in it that i move on, satisfied.
and that should be fine; but it's never fine.
i am a pretty decent artist; but i can't just make art for my dnd campaign, i should be selling dnd maps and character designs and scene setting pieces. i can't just make my friends matching earrings, i need to get an etsy and ship them internationally and take bulk orders. i make pretty good props and decorations and use them to throw my friends parties - but i should be running a party planning business and start taking paying clients and networking and putting my skills to actual use.
for some reason, i never figured out the specifics of pottery. it was a fun class and i enjoyed myself - and still, i'm embarrassed, years later, that i put in all that useless effort. everything i make has to be stunning. stellar. i should have applied myself more. maybe i'm too lazy. maybe i'm broken and selfish and needy. actually creative people would have kept going; they would be bettering themselves at every possible opportunity.
we find ourselves in this trap, even accidentally: we need to commodify our time, because it is a commodity. if we spend our efforts and our time not earning, isn't that the same thing as burning free money? and god forbid you ever take up a hobby that ends up being more expensive than you thought. you sit in your car and you look at the receipt and in your head you hear a conversation that isn't even happening - your mom or your friend or your partner all saying oh great. not this shit again. it's always something with you, and it never actually means anything.
i have realized this horrible thing, recently - i'll get excited to start a project, pick up a new hobby. and then i just... stop myself. i start thinking about the amount of time it will take, and how it'll look in my monthly budget. what if i can't even produce a good enough final product. sure, it's exciting to think about how i could make my friend her own custom dice. but i'm just polluting the earth if i don't get it right. better not bother. better not try.
restless, i get caught in the negative space. the feeling that oh god, i want to create. and that horrible sense - yeah, but i don't have the time to just put to waste.
#hobbies#writeblr#what stage of weirdness to write about hobbies on my hobby writing blog#although i know OBJECTIVELY i am a creative person#i often forget to label myself that bc i don't feel im an ARTISTIC person bc i don't do anything like that professionally#writing doesn't even feel like a hobby i think that surprises nobody for me to be like#it would be easier for me to stop . like. breathing.#which feels cheesy and trite but listen im running late for a meeting and all i really want to say is like#i couldn't even consider writing my hobby bc it makes my skin crawl bc it makes it sound like it's not important to me#bc we really devalue hobbies. like entirely.#it HAS to be a job. it must#also idk if this is clear but i personally get stuck in this space where i CANT create bc i am putting so much pressure on myself#to make it RIGHT#and im like ... idk i only have an hour#so probably shouldnt get involved in this thing
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I MADE MYSELF AN EARTHMOVER
The idea that earthmover plushie was something i could realistically maybe make was beamed into my brain on friday may 10th at exactly 11:23 PM and then proceeded to consume my entire weekend. i did not know if this would work but i did it. i made him. my weird lopsided dog Benjamin
(I'd be happy to write up the pattern/instructions if people are interested- I think it'd be pretty simple to recreate since he's like 90% rectangles- but be warned that I have never tried to draft a plushie pattern from scratch before and it's kinda janky as hell the way the legs are attached feels like one of those illegal lego techniques so you have to promise not to make fun of me ok)
#I am so happy rn#I will probably spend the next day enjoying the amount of shitposting potential I now hold in my hands#i was thinking about adding more details like sequins for the city lights but i felt like adding anything would just make him less cuddly :#and let me be clear . i am Cuddling This Beast#ultrakill#my art#earthmover#told myself i would take a break from art after that last post. instead i let another project fully consume me for a whole weekend. help
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ID in alt
I've been thinking a lot about the youtube landscape of the drdt universe lately
#drdt#danganronpa despair time#veronika grebenshchikova#<- I am not tagging anyone else sorry#ft. my artsona. in this world I'm a commentary youtuber#also to make the timeline more clear here: this takes place before they start attending hopes peak#the effort I put into this. I took a screenshot on my laptop and sent it to myself so I could draw over it on procreate#art#nooty's art
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if you struggle with mental health, one piece of advice i would genuinely give you is learn to knit.
or crochet: something repetitive to do with your hands, assuming you're capable of it. if you're like me and learnt to knit as a kid but let it lie fallow for a long time, it may be that starting a large, simple project (for me it was a cloak, but a blanket could work too) gets you back into it. or maybe doing something smaller, idk. i personally found socks really hard for a while because they felt smaller than my cloak but weren't getting Done quick enough for me. as i've sped up i find it more interesting to knit socks.
regardless, a repetitive task is great for emotional regulation (also see: autistic stimming), and something that you can look at and go hey i've done something, unlike simply using a fidget toy, can also help to pick your mood up when the brain is being cruel.
it's also useful as a conversation starter or distracter if you don't know what to talk about. if you're wanting to talk to older people also you're more likely to reel them in with knitting (i work better with older people, and 99% of people who ask what i'm knitting are older than me). it also gives you the opportunity to not make eye contact because you're busy knitting, even if you're still carrying on a conversation. if you're absolutely stuck for conversation you can count your stitches and people might stop bothering you.
if you have trouble focusing without doing something with your hands, you can knit! i knit a lot in church, and it helps me to focus on what's being said.
i probably have more reasons you should pick up knitting, but i can't recall them right now, so yeah.
#knitting#catkin knits#i remember one specific time back in october where i was sitting in Bible class utterly unable to stop the most horrible thoughts going#through my head. i was knitting as fast as i've ever knitted. no exaggeration to say i was knitting to stop myself from attempting to die.#and afterwards i sat there in the corner knitting for all i was worth. just repeating to myself 'not now. i am not killing myself now.'#and someone saw me in the corner frantically knitting and came to ask if i was ok. and asked how my mental health was.#must've been end of oct bc it was the first wednesday after i was out of psych ward. and i was having lots of thoughts about the method#i'd used for what is still my most recent suicide attempt. which was in october. and i had the means with me.#it would have been a horrible thing to do. to kill oneself at Bible class. with children around. but i wasn't in a particularly hinged stat#of mind at the time. that's approximately the only clear memory i have of that time in fact.#anyway idk why im thinking of that rn when im fine
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🐚 It is not appropriate for a lowly servant to speak of the family cat... unless...🐈
Small peepaw compilation (plus Ted Tonate) I guess. Congrats Shelly for being "That Old Man" ever. 🩷
#i am madly in love with him#in case that wasnt clear#shelly de killer#ace attorney justice for all#ace attorney#aa jfa#aai collection#aa investigations#i need to draw his icecream man disguise but im holding off until i actually make it to investigations 2#ted tonate#apollo justice#benry headass. i love that guy#i am severely lacking Shelly content in my feed therefore i must create it myself
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Insert witty joke about anthropomorphic animal games here
#spideer'sart#myart#i made the rusty lake characters into animal crossing villagers just to be clear#rusty lake#william vanderboom#mr. owl#jakob eilander#harvey rusty lake#mr. crow#aldous vanderboom#albert vanderboom#laura vanderboom#robert hill#dale vandermeer#Nicholas eilander#gerard eilander#elizabeth eilander#David eilander#ive wanted to draw rusty lake characters for awhile now but i was never happy with how they looked#so i have settled with interpretting media i enjoy through another media i enjoy so i have lower expectations for myself#also i am so sorry elizabeth. i did you wrong here in both forms#really proud of how David turned out tho [all 3 forms]#same with dale#maybe its cause those two are my favs
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if you saw the full video of carlos alcaraz and his team watching rafa's retirement announcement, perhaps you noticed that his coach seemed, dare i say it, reluctant to join in. if you follow juanki and/or jcf academy on social perhaps you noticed that amidst effusive tributes from across the spanish tennis establishment both were conspicuously silent. why the seeming reticence from one spanish great to the spanish great? well. WELL.
juanki, rafa, and the case of the green-eyed monster
("but user alacants, in creating this post aren't you ignoring the vagaries of human nature in favor of imposing a narrowly crafted narrative onto a twenty-year relationship that is probably both more complex and less contentious than you make it out to be?"
of course i am. what are you, new?)
davis cup 2004
prior to 2004 juanki was Mr Davis Cup. he often cites the 2000 cup (where his win decided the tie) as the most meaningful title of his career, more so than roland garros. then 2004 rolls around, spain makes their third final in 5 years… and the day before the tie begins juanki is dropped from the lineup in favor of some 18 year old who's never even played a match at roland garros. (<- actually. isn't that crazy??)
"obviously i am not jumping up and down with happiness." and to be fair to him everyone else sounded baffled as well. and then… the 18 year old had the nerve to play andy roddick in front of a record-breaking 27k home crowd and win.
to twist the knife: at the last minute juanki got named to the doubles match alongside tommy robredo and they got CRUSHED, just absolutely destroyed, by the bryan brothers. held serve once in three sets.
so it is maybe not a surprise that afterwards juanki does not exactly look happy despite nominally winning a major trophy.
it's noticeable enough to make the news. rafa is forced to tell the press nooooo, it's not true that they don't get along. juanki then goes on the record to say that on the trip back from sevilla the captains were only paying attention to nadal and moya, the winners, and ignoring him and tommy, the losers. while this may be true there is no way to make it sound good that you're saying it, yk.
(if you click through you will see that in the same interview he describes himself and rafa as "good friends." rafa goes on to describe them as friends on several more occasions! juanki does not.)
three months later, spain went out in the first round of the 2005 cup, 4-1 to slovakia. juan carlos was not part of the team lmao. and indeed a qualification play-off in september would be his last taste of davis cup action for several years. (that last call-up was ferru's first btw. red string of fate. SORRYYYY I KNOW IT'S NOT ABOUT THEM.)
roland garros 2005
unfortunately if you're juanki it did not get better. here he is in 2005 "[accusing] spanish media of a nadal obsession." (that link will also give you a taste of the contemporary fan discourse lmao.) he was baited, but also, they baited him because they knew he'd rise to the occasion.
rafa nadal btw had just played his first roland garros, which he won. juanki at rg: "unlike the media-designated extraterrestrials i'm just a HUMBLE PLAYER trying to win matches. i'm not one of the favorites but maybe if i keep trying…" he was then forced to deny he was jealous.
(this was shortly after rafa beat him for the title in barcelona, resulting in this cheerful take: "when you're on a high like nadal is everything seems to go right - but it doesn't last forever.")
rafa, meanwhile, is not helping:
QUESTION: Other than Carlos Moya, were there any other Spanish players you grew up watching, admiring? Did you follow Juan Carlos at all when you were growing up? RAFAEL NADAL: No, my favorite was Moya.
rome 2008
the hits continue. by 2008 rafa nadal is THE spanish tennis man, he's the guy everyone thought juanki was going to be. (ouch.) and now they are about to meet in rome. rafa btw has been undefeated on clay since the famous federer hamburg final, for an overall record of 117-4 since 2005. he's never lost in rome.
so imagine the reaction when juanki actually wins.
—wait did you think it was something like "ferrero shocks king of clay in tantalizing return to form." lol of course it's not, it's "nadal suffers freak loss due to blisters." harsh? rafa didn't think so: "i congratulate juan carlos, but today for sure was not my best tennis."
never mind that juanki was also playing through injury, bad enough that it took him out of barcelona then functionally killed his roland garros. (safe to assume that after 2004 he's more or less always injured.) this is typical sports media syndrome, nothing new or particularly unexpected. but once again: juanki is not, like, shy about expressing his thoughts.
QUESTION: The fact that Rafa was injured - he complained about the foot injury at the press conference here - what does that take away from your win? Do you feel it takes a little bit of shine away from your win? JUAN CARLOS FERRERO: [...] When you go to the court and you decide to play, I think the injury is not reason to say yes or no… You know, at the end I play a little bit better than him. I don't know if it was big reason to don't play at his best level, the injury. QUESTION: How much do you think this loss and the injury is going to affect Nadal's preparation for Roland Garros? JUAN CARLOS FERRERO: I don't know. Maybe you have to ask him.
fortunately (???) this match was immediately followed by an explosive spanish tennis row that ended with top players including juanki and rafa joining hands in solidarity to push the president of rfet out of his job, so this did not become the topic it might have otherwise.
davis cup 2009
it's now 2009. juanki hasn't played a davis cup tie since 2005. he's just dropped out of the top 100. and then… rafa and ferru get injured. juanki gets a dc call-up. he heroically saves the qf tie! he wins his sf rubber! his teammates are tossing him in the air, the crowds are chanting his name! he doesn't make the final roster bc everyone is healthy but he's a reserve, he's there with the team. they sweep the tie, the heroes are undisputedly his special friend ferru (epic comeback) + verdasco/lopez (deciding win over undefeated opponents). …and then they go for the obligatory meeting with the prime minister who's like, RAFA YOU WON THE DAVIS CUP FOR US THANK YOU SOOOO MUCH WE LOVE YOU.
a lot of people were unhappy about this, presumably (??) including actual rafa. afterwards, juanki says, "most of the team thought it was disrespectful." one wonders who was not included in "most."
(honestly? probably feli lopez.)
valencia 2013
speaking of actual rafa, did he notice and/or care about anything of this? i mean he definitely noticed. but i assume he didn't care. (rafa experts are welcome to chime in here.) after all, a couple years later rafa spoke at juanki's retirement ceremony. there was a hug and everything!
so like, ok, they are cordial, they are friendly, rafa's place is cemented in history and juanki is retired anyway. THEN less than a year later rafa pulls out of juanki's beloved valencia open to enter a different more lucrative tournament instead and he is fully dead to juanki who is calling him out in the press like, i think it's his DUTY as a SPANIARD to support a spanish tournament.
which event did he choose instead, btw? Roger Federer's Basel™. which he hadn't played since 2004. and then he ended up withdrawing anyway. there was some conspiracy theory type thinking at the time that he only committed to basel so he had an excuse not to play valencia (well that and the $$$) which is almost certainly untrue but is also very funny.
meanwhile juanki sooort of backpedaled like i mean we don't understand his decision but we respect it… sure, juanki.
late-career detente (?)
juanki has since repeatedly gone on the record noting 1. the only player he ever felt inferior to was roger federer 2. who btw is the best player of all time. these are not neutral statements coming from a spaniard and no one is taking them that way.
now having said that, he has also had plenty of nice or at least diplomatic things to say in recent years about rafa's will to compete, etc. "i wouldn't like him to get [to roland garros] and not win matches." while also dropping gems such as:
q: which of the big three was the hardest to play and why? juanki: federer. but i'm just glad i managed to beat all three of them before i retired. :)
with all of this in mind, the aforementioned video of carlos and team watching rafa's message. is. so. funny. JUAN CARLOS GROW UPPPP. like presumably the academy at least will say something once the big moment rolls around but when literally every other spanish tennis player under the sun is posting their glowing tributes and you are Haughtily Silent it's so obvious!! son!!!
additionally: this makes juanki spending the olympics at home so fucking funny. yeah, i bet you DIDN'T want to watch your special friend and your beloved protege coo over rafael nadal for two weeks. like in the year 2024 there's no way it's that serious, nothing more than "my annoying ex-coworker i still have to be polite to." just, they're not friends. and ferru and rafa (and now carlos) are. and it's very funny to me personally.
in conclusion: "rafa largely to blame for ferrero's downfall" (espn, 2012)
#juan carlos ferrero#rafael nadal#to be clear although this post is written from juanki's perspective i am not precisely a sympathizer#like it's rafa nadal what are you gonna do man#i am sympathetic tho. i would probably handle the same situation equally ungracefully.#it really does suck when the narrative you thought you were in is not the narrative you are actually in#you thought you were the protagonist and instead you're the cautionary tale#the doomed backstory. the preliminary foreshadowing.#senpai's not dead he's pursuing higher education at the juan carlos ferrero tennis academy#yes i did talk myself into kinda wanting fic btw.#sounds like perfect conditions for an angry and ill-advised hook-up to meeee
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The joy of finally finding a Cherik fanfic with Prof. X in a wheelchair vs. the crushing disappointment when the fic randomly becomes ableist for no reason
#this happened to me once#i am never going back#charlie talks#cherik#professor x#charles xavier#x men#xmen#also why is ‘prof x in a wheelchair’ a tag that should be a given#you should give me a warning if he ISNT in a wheelchair#/j of course#kind of#the xmen series was like the first time i ever saw a character make it very clear that they would rather be disabled#it was crazy i didnt know i wasnt supposed to hate myself for being disabled
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im feeling sappy tonight. shoutout to the baby tboys begging to be forcemasced. one day you will become the man you want to be. within the kink its wonderful when another man grabs you by the shoulders and pushes you headfirst in. its wonderful to share in the joy he felt when he started. in reality know youre afraid. it takes guts to let yourself be who you want. dont take your feelings lightly and let yourself explore. you are not alone but its also up to you. take care. much love.
#i wont kinkshame cis people who use the tags but i want to make it clear that youre a guest in this house#and that it may be just a kink for you but ive seen lots of posts on here#from trans guys who just need a push in the right direction yk?#for me kink is an extension of who i am so i understand how the kink can help you discover who you are#and i know what its like to be afraid to change#like you dont want to leave behind the girl you were. like you dont want to take up space because of how society treats girls#or to make yourself a soft femboy because you dont want to be scary#and its okay to feel that way and its okay to want to stay that way#but it may be a sign of youre sticking around in these tags that maybe youd be happier if you were more than that#just think about it i love you#force masc#forcemasc#t4t nsft#ftm nsft#trans nsft#i might delete this later cause its probablt not well articulated#also lmk if somethinf i said was bad ive been trying to check myself on like being sensitive to different people ig
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