#to be 'their creature' | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

mswyrr · 2 years ago

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Random aside, but I’ve been thinking about Carmen Berzatto as a “realistic fiction” version of some of the same themes handled in Peeta Mellark through the vehicle of Sci Fi metaphor.

I always read the hijacking--and how its violence and overtaking of his identity comes after Peeta expressly says all he wants, believing he will die in the Games, is to not become their creature, to not be changed from who he wants to be--as a great metaphor for patterns of abuse and how it gets inside you and can be so hard to uproot and for the way patriarchies beat boys into violent shapes, into being useful tools, and away from the things they love and truly want.

It works for me because it overtakes him but only for a time - in the end, he has the grace and support to embrace the care, love, art, and food that he wants his life to be, even though the hurt leaves marks. I connect that with the idea of how there can be times when, no matter how hard you want to “not be shitty,” it can be easy to lose yourself - but you can find a way back, you can have a good life on your own terms with scars.

I see it as two different approaches to talking about similar things - different genres nonetheless sharing in common the necessity of the moment of losing yourself and then having that come back, through your struggle but not alone, not all by your own power, also through the people around you loving you, for the love you put out into the world coming back to you when you most need it.

Because it’s a dramady and draws on the traditions of comedy--the uplifting side of life, vs the tragic side--and we already start with the tragic loss of one Berzatto son who didn’t find his way through the underworld, I think Carmy is going to come out of the cold, dark place (walk-in fridge or underworld? Both?) in s3. The alternative would be a very.... odd story, I think. Because if they have him keep going down down down and never rising, then the whole thing collapses. The Bear is lost, the people who have become a community scatter. It just doesn’t fit the tone and themes for me. We *start* at a place of everyone being scattered and damaged by Mikey’s loss - it would be nihilistic and repetitive and dramatically uninteresting to do the same thing with the younger brother. And the writing has never displayed that kind of vibe.

But I also think s3 will begin with him continuing his descent before hitting rock bottom and rising. It’ll get worse before it gets better. The descent is fraught with hope, though - because when the person comes back from that they’ve dealt with the things that haunt them. Their wounds have become healed up scars? And they own the person they want to be now, rather than being torn between the influence of others and their own heart’s yearning for better.

Regardless of what setting and genre you’re using, it’s a powerful arc, the descent and the rise and I’m looking forward to it because I believe they’ll pull it off well - they’ve done so beautifully with other characters struggling and rising, why not the lead?

BTW, I will curl up in shipper feels forever if part of his rise from the “underworld” involves Sydney symbolically giving him back to himself--giving him back things he wants to be vs things he’s being drawn into by the pressures on him--like how Katniss gaves things Peeta shared with her back to him:

At a few minutes before four, Peeta turns to me again. "Your favorite color ... it's green?" "That's right." Then I think of something to add. "And yours is orange." "Orange?" He seems unconvinced. "Not bright orange. But soft. Like the sunset," I say. "At least, that's what you told me once." "Oh." He closes his eyes briefly, maybe trying to conjure up that sunset, then nods his head. "Thank you." But more words tumble out. "You're a painter. You're a baker. You like to sleep with the windows open. You never take sugar in your tea. And you always double-knot your shoelaces." Then I dive into my tent before I do something stupid like cry.

Who you are, in the end, is who you want to be and the best of yourself you share with others comes back to you. It’s doesn’t just disappear.