#to amp up that positive life energy.

[areyouwho-ithinkyouare]

got so many ideas for a new d&d campaign like i really fucking love this one but the bit i CANNOT get is. the first fucking adventure. perhaps the most important of all and nothing! is! inspiring me!

[ivesambrose]

JUNE 2024 MINI MESSAGES 🌿💚

1. 2. 3.

Kept it short and sweet

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Picture 1

A substantial focus is on yourself, your physical body and your health. You'll be wanting to take life slowly. It is likely you've been feeling energetically depleted and feeling sleepy more than usual or being around or engaging with certain people or activities isn't making you feel as good. On a positive note, this will allow you to bring your attention and energy back to yourself which in turn will make you realize certain aspects of your health you may have overlooked. Y ou might be switching up or prioritising a skincare and wellness routine, opt for slower workouts or dancing, anything that makes you feel beautiful and good from within instead of amping up your stress or cortisol levels. Some of you might be quitting smoking or drinking this month too. You might also be focusing on holistic healthcare or healing yourself via the food you eat. You will be moving more, just you won't be in a hurry. Infact, there's no need to rush anything. let the money and love come to you as you stay open to receive. Your worldview might also change or you might end up influencing others via your perspectives. You might engage in creating something artsy, whatever that may be. The more you do things for yourself instead of catering to what's trending or what others keep demanding of you, the more you'll bloom.

Stay loyal to your goals, remain stubborn about them, no matter what. Also, try getting a haircut or new color sometime this month.

Picture 2

Just let it happen. You've been wanting that drastic change but you couldn't do that for yourself or you've tried to do it for yourself but you didn't know how so you just gave up. The emotions piled up regardless. So simply let this happen, it will, inevitably. It might be the most unexpected thing ever, it may not even be as smooth at first, you might as well be that gif of Rebel Wilson screaming, 'Enough!" Any form of upheaval you face this month even if it's a mental or emotional one, know that it's necessary to bring back order into your life. Chaos and order do go hand in hand, right?

By the end of this month you'l be feeling more powerful if anything. You're no one's charity case and you're certainly not meant to remain frozen in this particular mindset you've been carrying. It's keeping you stuck in ways that's doing you more harm than good. You'l also be able to weed out people who are a part of your life as pretense and only want to take from you. You'll also be able to see the ones who look over you rather silently. There's a gift of discernment and intuition you're being blessed with here. write down every idea or thought or dream as strange it might seem this month It doesn't matter how you're going to make it come true or how it connects to anything else, it will make sense later, perhaps by Virgo or Libra season?

Again, time isn't important. But your dominant thoughts, certainly are. Befriend your mind and don't look back.

Picture 3

You're loved and desired extensively and you don't even realize that. For most of you I'm seeing you romanticize your life in whatever way you see it, maybe even switching up things in your room or beautifying your surroundings nd yourself. You'll feel closer to your loved ones this month or just have a lot of gratitude towards them. Yes, even if you prefer being alone. The focus is on relationships and partnerships and being extremely choosy with the ones you associate yourself with. There are quite a few people who want to know you and get closer to you even pursue you romantically. A good month for your personal business and finances or even manifesting a creative or desired opportunity through the right people and the right time. Don't shy away from your own potential. Some of you might also be engaging in proper manifestion rituals or even praying for something big. A lot of you have truly, sincerely decided to lock in and that determination in itself ill get you what you seek. By the end of this month I see movement. Physical travel as well.

For some of you, there's this manifestion you consider 'big' again, it's something personal to you, it might be something small to someone else, but what matters is how important it is to you, it'll come through in Leo season mostly or for some during Sagittarius season. Either way, just know what you want, is already yours.

[gem-de-lune]

Daily Vibe Check 10/30

All Members Incl.

As always, please take Tarot readings with a grain of salt.

Seunghan

Knave of Chalices + 8 of Chalices

As things amp up, he is feeling very emotional today again, today more so. I think he isn't with anyone else today and alone for much of the day. This creates a mood in which he must "deal with" himself. It is overbearing and confusing because he isn't sure where to even start with how he feels about everything. Though there are good things and opportunities coming, he is a bit afraid of opening that can of worms. Today, he is really contemplating what he wants to do at this point without outside interference, and it's a bit difficult and stressful.

Shotaro

6 of Swords + 6 of Wands

Shotaro is still in a very similar state as the last time we checked in on him, but he is in a better mood and less overwhelmed overall. Notice the 6s are consecutive, and so are Swords (ideas/plans) and Wands (actions). 6 is an earth number, specifically Virgo. He is setting up a routine right now. He is very physically active, could be working out or dancing a lot. Anything as a distraction from stressors. If he does have to face uncomfortable things, he dismisses them via humor and messing around. Very unserious. But it is working for him. He is fine and relatively in a good mood externally due to his efforts.

Sungchan

9 of Chalices + 2 of Chalices

Sungchan kind of sees everything as working out very soon. He is in a good mood. Even if he tried to not put all his eggs in one basket, it seems he is fully convinced of good things transpiring. Again, like last time, this could be that energy in which he needs himself to be the most positive one in the room if no one else will do the job, and feels responsible for setting that kind of moon himself. Even so these feelings aren't fake, they are kind and thoughtful. Also I think he went out drinking or will go drinking with members or other friends bc so many Chalices of wine here lol.

Eunseok

The Hermit + The Devil

Lol, what a diva?? He is very introspective today. This could mean many things, but immediately, what I am getting is a mental health day at home in pjs eating ice cream- and I'm pretty much sticking with that. Now, if he cannot do that, he is just really really in his head today. Thinking about his choices and what he could have done, thinking about how he may have overlooked things or bought into obvious lies before. It's not unhealthy, but it is borderline obsessive. He won't really be able to focus today unless he sits down, takes a break, and chillaxes.

Anton

2 of Pentacles + 5 of Pentacles

He is rather sad today. This is the first time I have seen this sort of pull from Anton. But I think thebweight of everything has really put his fire out, and he is now just sad and melancholy rather than spiteful. He is trying to pull himself out, knowing he has many things going for him. But it is like he keeps looking back at all the pain inflicted on others and can't seem to forget it emotionally. He will be just fine, but he may have lost his appetite today even if food was placed right in front of him.

Wonbin

The Empress + The Hyerophant

Wonbin is feeling so Hyung today? Lol both of these cards are pretty parental imo. Wonbin is usually pretty upright as well as simple. He always gives me simple cards and does not ever have much to say in these things. Very simply put he is feeling responsible for protecting someone or something. This is very strong energy and very direct energy directed at a small group of individuals or even one person in particular. He is giving lots of worldly advice today and coming off as an old wise sage.

Sohee

5 of Swords + 6 of Chalices

Sohee has always been fairly protective. He has a lot of fighting spirit today fueled by his love and memories for those he cares about. He is holding onto these feelings for dear life and to keep him going. I get the vibe he is very unconcerned with how he will be seen as of late, so I would not be shocked if he pulls something within the next 24-48 hrs just bc. Regardless, it seems he is ready today to jump into any ring for any reason pertaining to the fam, so no one should really be trying him today. He will rip them a new one.

[bodynblood666]

the hate for aurora and liv is ramping up yet again across many different social media platforms and i absolutely hate it. people are not accusing her of the most awful things.

when swiss and aurora started doing their little things on stage everyone started calling liv a homewreaker and jutty a cheat. they called them this so much to the point where jutty had to put out of statement say that him and his girlfriend haven’t been dating since march. a piece of info he most likely didn’t want to put out to the public. and when tour ended and liv released a new song the bio of one of her promotions in insta was falling in love on tour and everyone bombarded the comment section asking if it was about jutty to the point where she had to change the bio.

what aurora and swiss are doing on stage would be celebrating and cheered for it one of the guys where doing it instead of them.

Liv ,for some reason, is the most hated person in ghost for no reason. all because she’s not staying in her box like the other girls on stage. she’s having fun with her new friends on stage but instead of her getting love for that she’s getting hate.

i hope aurora and swiss amp up what they do on stage and continue to piss people off.

personally i think aurora brings so much life and energy that is need into this band. she’s having and partying ever single ritual, not to say everyone else isn’t she just brings so much positive energy and is so kind to people. yet all she receives is hate in return.

[vitaminseetarot]

PAC Pick a Fruit: Something To Look Forward to in 2024 ❄🎁🎊

Sup y'all, I'm finally back again! I have not been as active on this blog as I've wanted to be these past two months, but hopefully that will change a little bit as the year settles to a close for winter.

I'm also excited to use my Tarotwave deck which just arrived in the mail this past week. I'm grateful to have backed it on Kickstarter! I know this is gonna be one deck of cards I'll be very amped to use on this blog. It's like an early Xmas gift ^^

2023 has been a bumpy ride for many people (and yours truly), and the biggest thing most of us want to know is how our next year is going to be, and if there's anything good in store. So I made sure to focus on asking for only the most positive and beneficial things that will bless you in this reading, because I want 2024 to be exciting for you and I wanna hype you up.

Pick one of the squishable fruits below to find out a hint or two about what you have to look forward to in 2024.

1 - Strawberry 2 - Orange 3 - Banana

Pile 1: Strawberry

Queen of Cups + VI The Lovers, IX The Hermit, Eight of Wands; Trillion, Anything is Possible, Guidance

For you, pile 1, 2024 is gonna be filled with pleasant little surprises that could appear out of nowhere. The Trillion card is connected to Aquarius and talks about living by ones own truth, but the zodiac is also connected to Uranian forces, helping us receive out-of-the-box insights to whatever challenge we're facing.

I think this pile has spent a great amount of time working on themselves. I don't know if you relate to the word "shadow work" or not, but this feels like you're in the tail end of that cycle. You've grown a lot in emotional maturity over the past months, and perhaps have released some form of major karmic or generational baggage that was weighing on you emotionally. Now it's going to become easier for you to express who you are because the extra emotional burden will not be there as before.

I'm sensing a vast expansiveness to this pile as a result, a willingness to be open to life. It's a calm and steady feeling. This is "come whatever may" energy. 2024 will be a chance for you to settle into the quiet, because that's where the miracles will appear. I feel like this is a quiet that's been anticipated, more relieving than boring. This is a space of being in the flow with life and being ready for whatever comes next without mental resistance.

For some, this could be a romantic reading. I tend to think of strawberries as a rather flirtatious fruit! And we have the Lovers here too. Typically the Lovers talks about decisions, but I don't feel here like you're in a position to be making some kind of clear cut choice at the moment. This is more emphasizing on loving the feeling of love itself. This is a carefree disposition to allowing your heart to guide you when things look overwhelming on the surface.

There's no need or pressure to rush into any kind of decision even if there's an eagerness to do so. You're being encouraged to fully take time out and explore your feelings so you can create a better alignment with the type of person you desire in your life. You're allowing yourself to be curious and open minded without the unnecessary input that others may give you unsolicited. The Hermit is in an empowered position here.

I think 2024 will give you time to lean back rather than pursue, which is not the same as being avoidant. We have the eight of wands here; when the opportunity strikes, it can strike hot! But the key is that you're taking in this energy rather than chasing it. In the meanwhile, you're filling up your cup and learning how to be fulfilled with this peaceful space, and you'll find it easier to be patient when it comes to finding whatever you've been seeking.

You're learning that you have all the time you need to stay in this calm state, and that rushing with everything doesn't always speed up fate. The sense of having more time to sleep and nurture yourself will greatly benefit you when the time comes to receive this incredible spiritual insight, love, or blessings in the material world.

Pile 2: Orange

XI Justice + 2 of Cups, 4 of Cups, 5 of Swords; Single, What You Seek is Seeking You, Stories

For pile 2, the biggest keyword here is Clarity. If you've been in the fog about something for a while, that may start to clear up in 2024. Something that seemed difficult to tackle before will be greatly simplified for you. The Single card is Mercury energy and talks about beginnings in a conventional sense. So you'll look forward to starting over with something next year, perhaps from scratch, so it'll be better than before. You can deal with issues with a fresher mindset.

This is a specific message for a few, but if lately you feel like you've been involved in rumors, gossip, or some form of negativity spread through word of mouth, I see this dissolving in 2024. It will swing back around. Perhaps whoever is spreading the rumor will receive one in return. No hexing done here, but it looks like karma will put in the work to show that you or someone you know is innocent. If someone you know is gaslighting or spreading lies, they will feel the brunt of this. Any negativity sent to you will simply spin around and cancel itself out. So don't worry about other peoples' perceptions in 2024, they will undergo a big shift.

For others in this pile, you may have had some disagreements with your love or even business partner. Either one large disagreement that's been on the back burner for a while, or it's little ones that add up. It'll be different amongst you. But in 2024 these tiny issues will be more easily resolved. Things won't seem to complicated to untangle once any given situation is figured out.

Your energy is spent a lot more here on moving forward and looking for something new next year than dealing with conflicting relationships. With the four of cups, you're ready to move past whatever company or crowd is messing with your mood because you know better shit is on the way and you don't want to waste your emotional currency on anything draining or inherently unsatisfying.

You would rather move into what is right for you than deal with the drama, though I think there will be times when it circles back around and you may have to confront it again… It won't be as difficult as it was in the past, however. You're not dealing with so much confrontation in 2024, especially if you're actively prioritizing healthy relationships and practice healthy boundaries with others.

This may look to be the year where the art of setting mental boundaries is perfected. Mental boundaries means choosing what you'd rather think about than let your mind run loose. No longer trapped in the undertow of other peoples' nonsense, you're starting to get your life fully together. This will spill outwards into the outer world, and this will greatly help ease off the kind of bothersome encounters with people that may have popped up in 2023.

Some of you may identify as people pleasing, which is something that I see less of for you next year. It's almost like the vibe of seeing a kid watch a bunch of other children bully each other during recess, only for that lone kid to decide to go their own way and read a book. He might even make a new friend that way, who knows? 2024 will give you the chance to shrug certain expected worries off your back like water off of duck's feathers. Citrus is clean and refreshing. You can expect only the simplest and cleanest interactions moving forward (yes, I have Simple and Clean inside my head now, oof). It's all about keeping your eye on the prize that awaits ahead.

Pile 3: Banana

9 of Cups + XIV Temperance, XVIII The Moon, 7 of Wands, Prism, Projections, Power

Wow, so much lunar energy in pile 3's cards! I see bananas as lunar because they're shaped like crescents (and to go bananas is to be a lunatic!). Then you got two different version of moon cards on top of one another!

In this deck, the Moon has a softer and more subtle approach than the RWS. There's a greater emphasis on dreams and intuition with this card. Have you been connected to or manifesting with the lunar cycles? Or creating a dream journal to track your visions? If you've been interested in doing so, now would be a good time to look into it, as a confirmation. You're in alignment to receive!

This pile is really feeling the buzz of desires fulfilled and is pushing beautiful energy out into 2024. I'm not seeing specific desires listed here, just the overall potency of manifestation magic. This could possibly be a big year for you even. Just try not to get too carried away with the need to make 2024 into a particular kind of good year. Even if great things are lined up, allow room for the uncertainties to occur. These moments will happen to test you, and you'll need to stand your ground and be firm with what you want without your worries getting the best of you.

Pile 3, with Projections and Power? You are gonna look forward to 2024 being like a canvas for you to paint on. You can decide to paint whatever you wish, for a window of time as brief as the full moon. That's why your other three tarot cards are trying to slow you down a little bit, lol. Even if great luck is offered to you, be careful with how it factors into your life. You're being asked to have modesty, which must mean you're set to achieve or receive something very nice. But yeah, a sense of humbleness and gratitude will really help you here.

You're being reminded with the Moon that you don't have all the answers right now, and it's okay. Oftentimes the wish doesn't get granted until we lose our attachment to it or get sidetracked with life, then it's able to come in more easily. When we try to act resistant and overly arrogant with the seven of wands, it can bite back against us.

I'm also getting a message here about being humble with your blessings so to not attract unwanted attention from people. You could end up in a position where some may throw a lot of projections on you, but you will need to remind yourself of your Prism qualities. Prism is like pure spirit, it's the card of being spiritually aligned with one's self. You will be reminded that beyond good and bad fortunes, the pure spirit of self doesn't change. That is your power source.

Another thing you may look forward to are psychic upgrades. If you've been working on your psychic talent, you could receive a major boost this year. You may experience more clairsenses or messages in your dreams. These experiences and abilities will allow you to find the right time to act or wait on certain choices in your life. Your intuition is being greatly sharpened and amplified in 2024. Use this power with great care.

This reading has not been evaluated by the FDA to diagnose, prevent, treat, or cure any disease or infection. Please ask your physician before going online.

2023, @VitaminseeTarot ™

[b1acksh33p999]

November Horoscopes: 🔮🍂✨

🔥Aries - Let the festivities begin! With this month starting out with minimal planetary support for your sign, you may notice a lot going on around you that you’re not directly involved in. This can actually be great news for Aries! With the NN still transiting in a bountiful conjunction to your Sun sign this will leave many opportunities for Aries throughout the month. In the beginning of the month, before the super moon on the 15th, you may find yourself focusing heavily on the details of your daily life and personal wellness. Some Aries may even start a new hobby or take a new class that inspires an entirely new perspective on their current wellness routine! After the super moon - you will find yourself focused more on fun and festivities with friends and family, which will liven up your social life. Enjoy the positive changes coming this month, and the confidence boost that’ll come with it!

⛰️Taurus - It’s time to finish what you started! With the super moon this month on the 15th falling in conjunction with your Sun sign - emotions will be running high, and trends that may have been prevalent in 2023 may make a brief return. This is especially true when it comes to money matters, and matters involving security. By the end of the month you will have dealt with these resurfacing themes and finalized what your decision on these matters are, officially leaving them behind you. Stand strong in what you believe in and don’t allow anything or anyone to make you question your worth!

🌬️Gemini - It’s time to take the risk! With Jupiter retrograding in conjunction with your Sun sign, this is a time where big risks can easily bring big rewards for Gemini. This is especially true in any area involving business arrangements, or long term partnerships. My best advice to you this month is to take this risk around the super moon for the best long-term results. This powerful moon will aid in orchestrating the best outcome for Gemini to get the exact reaction they desire. Once Mercury goes retrograde in opposition to your sun sign on the 25th, problems in communication may cause shifts in confidence for Gemini and could cause doubt to creep in. Don’t wait, just jump!

🌊Cancer - It’s time to let your emotions lead your actions! This month is going to start with Mars in conjunction with your sun sign, which will make it feel near impossible to act without being guided by your emotions. This, added to the boost coming on November 15th’s super moon in Taurus and Saturn going direct in Pisces, will create a super storm of emotion for Cancer. My advice to you this month is from the period of the 1st-16th, allow your emotions to guide you to what feels best for you. As a naturally emotive sign, it’s no surprise that you may have some pesky emotions trying to come up and “ruin your peace”. However, it’s time to alter your perspective and learn from what your feelings are trying to tell you. It’s now or never Cancer!

🔥Leo - It’s gonna be a busy month! With Mars falling into a conjunction with your Sun after the super moon on the 15th, this is going to amp up your energy levels with an increase of tasks to match. This may sound chaotic Leo, but rest assured it won’t be anything you can’t handle. As much as the pressure of accomplishing your goals may be on your mind, so will ensuring you’re not missing any pesky details to sabotage your plans. Allow this busy month to show you that you're capable of more than you ever thought possible, and step up to the plate with confidence. It’s time to show yourself what you can really do!

⛰️Virgo - This month is going to have you fully embrace your observant nature! With the super moon on the 15th falling into Taurus, Pluto officially shifting out of Capricorn for good, and Saturn going direct in Pisces; all of these astrological aspects are going to have Virgo feeling hidden in the shadows. This mentality can actually be used in your favor! Most Virgos have many plans in the works, and could learn from the environment around them. My advice to you this month is to lean into your observant nature and hustle in silence. It’s time to put your focus back on bettering yourself!

🌬️Libra - Get ready to feel the pressure! This month is going to amp up the pressure Libras are feeling while accomplishing their goals. Much like Leo, Libra will have an increase in tasks, yet most Libras won’t feel that boost in energy until after the super moon on the 15th. My advice to you this month is to make sure you are keeping your focus on the details so you can easily manage tackling your tasks and achieving your pre-set goals without any mishaps. Once Mercury goes retrograde on the 25th, Libra may feel the urge to travel or escape everyday reality. This can easily be accomplished with a day trip, or a short trip, if finances and tasks are managed well. Don’t let your goals prevent you from getting what you want - just prepare properly so it’s possible!

🌊Scorpio - Here’s to a new era for Scorpio! With the month starting out with a new moon in Scorpio, this will have most Scorpios coming into the month off of a high from accomplishments that occurred in late October. This enhanced mindset mixed with the super moon on the 15th will hold even more surprises in store for Scorpio, mainly between the 15th and the 25th of the month. The themes surrounding these surprises will enhance security and enable permanency into this new chapter. My advice to you this month is to maintain the positivity you started the month with and let this perspective carry you through the events of the month for the best results. It’s only up from here!

🔥Sagittarius - This month is going to ensure you’re communicating effectively, or you will encounter obstacles filled with lessons on what you need to change! With Mercury going retrograde in conjunction to your sun sign after the super moon on the 25th, it’s important to note that communication will be pivotal for positive outcomes without drama or misunderstandings after this point. Prior to Mercury's retrograde, you will be introduced to the themes that will become prevalent during the retrograde on or around the 6th when Mercury enters its shadow period. My advice to you is to pay close attention to how those people in your life are speaking to you, and how much faith they hold in your ability as a communicator. This month will be full of opportunities to persevere past obstacles that normally lead to avoidance or stagnation. It’s time to grow into the communicator you’ve always meant to be, it’s not time to avoid this growth and stay the same. You’ve been warned!

⛰️Capricorn - It’s time to break free! With the very big transit of Pluto in conjunction with your sun sign FINALLY making its way into Aquarius, this is marking an end to a very long transit for Capricorns. This release in pressure will finally have Capricorns feeling like they can slow down and thrive in their own authenticity. By the time of the super moon in Taurus on the 15th, Capricorns will already be able to feel the release associated with the final bow of Pluto’s 16 year conjunction to their sun sign. Since 2008, Pluto has been placing transformative pressure on Capricorn to continuously change in order to achieve what they have grown into now. My advice to you this month is to enjoy where you are now, and most importantly WHO you’ve become since then. It’s time to celebrate your accomplishments!

🌬️Aquarius - Get ready for a wild ride! With Pluto entering its permanent conjunction with your Sun sign until 2044, get ready for the most transformative period in your lifetime! Once we pass the supermoon in Taurus on the 15th, Aquarius’s will feel the sudden urge to make changes, and feel more inspired than they have ever felt before to make necessary changes towards growth. For those who know what house they have Aquarius in on their natal charts, understand that this house will experience the most changes over the next 20 years due to this heavy transit. Pluto is the ruler of harsh lessons and transformative energy, it's known to destroy what you know and replace it with something better. My best advice to you this month and throughout this long transit ahead is to tackle any challenges ahead with confidence and view any obstacles as opportunities to grow. It’s only just begun!

🌊Pisces - Get ready to embrace even more blessings heading your way! With Saturn ending its retrograde in your Sun sign on the same day as the supermoon in Taurus, Pisces can expect many changes in terms of security and abundance heading in their direction. Some things that Pisces have desired for a long time will suddenly become a tangible reality, and other blessings can easily fall into Pisces laps when they least expect it. My advice to you this month is to aim high when manifesting what you want in terms of permanency and security for your future. Nothing is impossible for you now, in fact, the only thing standing in your way is doubt. It’s time to finally release any pesky doubt trying to stick around and leave room for more blessings and surprises. You are worthy!

[triangular-eye]

signs of spiritual warfare in your life! ⚠️

hello🧡 these are my personal signs of spiritual warfare going on in my life, not researched, might help someone out there💛

the nausea and losing things especially!! i observe it heavily in other people around me as well while they are being attacked, or while i’m being attacked and people are around me, they get nauseous and ‘3d confused’ as well, as though my energy attacks extend to them. this is why you shouldn’t take it personally when someone close around you is acting weird, they might probably be picking up on your problems, or if you feel weird around someone close, you might be picking up on attacks on them! stay safe and don’t forget to pray for/spiritually protect those around you too, because it’s useless purifying yourself if everyone around you is infected… extend your love to those around you too, don’t hoard it, love is selfless.

there are a lot of spiritual attacks being hosted right now, i myself am heavily going through it as well, stay safe and keep your guides especially close to you through this time. ❤️🍄🌹

i like to rub salt in my hands (like washing your hands in a sink but with salt instead of soap and water) every time i accidentally break something. i meditate in a crisscross legs position and press my hands at the sides of my forehead to amp up my 3rd eye in days where i lose a lot of things (might just be my crippling adhd too lets not be delusional here😂), and when i run out of a reason for ‘things being hosted’ (“but why is this happening to me! this must be a general energy! what is happening for this to start occurring now?”), i look into the chart of the moment on astro-charts.com (put your exact location for the houses to be accurate, me in europe cannot relate to the default chart of america for example, the houses come up all flipped, so adjust it to the village you live in, even if you’re in another city at the moment, because your house has the most of your energy so there resides the strength of your energy being pulled). this way i can analyse the relationship of the current planets and aspects and receive some insights there.

[princess-of-thebes-1995]

I am too lazy and a little exhausted in the head. Withdrawal systems are difficult. So, I will just use mostly pictures. Here you go...

It was heavy raining outside and the clear and clean glass windows made the luxurious room of the Colonel magical. His room was as usual, clean as a whistle.

You would make the janitor do heavy duty cleaning every three weeks. Then you would do the rest yourself.

A perfectionist you were. The Colonel leaned back against the huge and soft pillow which he placed before the head rest of his King sized bed.

He looked down at your sleeping form. He smirked in arrogance, seeing how his skills in bed always knocked you out cold.

Quaritch couldn't believe he hit the jackpot when he saw you right here at the base. He was here to oppress and colonize. Never expected to find romance. And to the most beautiful girl ever to exist? Too good to be true.

Quaritch stroked your hair lovingly as you continued dreaming. Did you dream of him like he did of you? He smiled fondly.

He put on a green tank top and shorts. He decided to do some bench presses. He went to the cold amp suit room where he had his makeshift gym.

He lifted his usual 250 pounds plates. Whenever he was around you especially fucking the shit out of you, he felt energized. Like he drank some kind of real energy drink. Feeling young as a college boy.

He wondered if love was the fountain of youth. After an hour and five minutes, Quaritch felt sleepy. It was perhaps two in the morning. He decided to join you in bed. While doing so, he saw something or someone.

It was Sully, sitting alone in the empty cafeteria with a dazed look on his face. The Colonel wondered what he was thinking. Perhaps Sully was stressed by the double life as a spy. Quaritch pitied him.

"Haven't gotten lost in the woods, have you son?" The Colonel teased his subordinate. He grabbed a chain and sat in the opposite position leaning in.

"Your last report was two weeks ago...." Quaritch quirked up a wrinkled eyebrow. "I am starting to doubt your resolve!" He flashed his pearly white teeth.

Sully couldn't look at him the Colonel wondered why.

Quaritch rolled his eyes. He told Sully to quit the mission and told him about the approval of his surgery.

To his suspense, Sully didn't seem happy. The fuck is going on? Quaritch narrowed his eyes. Would a Marine choose the side of a science puke?

"I am a man of my word." Quaritch placed his hand in Sully's shoulder.

Finally, Sully looked at him.

"Colonel, if you loved someone. Would change for them?"

Quaritch was surprised as fuck but kept his cool face.

"Met a girl and will change sides?" He narrowed his eyes.

Jake shook his head no. Quaritch didn't believe him. Something shitty was going on. Sully explained he feels guilty when the bulldozers will come and how he will explain it to his friends at the labs.

Quaritch rolled his eyes. He scoffed. "Fuck those bitches. They are not worth the guilt."

"What about Name?"

The Colonel stared.

"you told her yet?"

The Colonel shook his head. "When the time is right. I will give her the reality check as humane as possible." Quaritch didn't tell anyone. Not even you.

Your elderly trillionaire father died eight nights ago. The unhealthy life on Earth with stress and crime rates usually make people die a young age compared to the people in the past.

Your father aged before his time. Worked hard to make the Earth full of plants and vegetation. Like you, he hated the over developed life and industrializations.

The Colonel was bull shitting you. He wanted to kill the Navis and take their shit like the brute he was. He had a soft spot for you. He loved you. Not just your good looks and carnal desires. He just thought you were too naive and living in a fantasy world. He pitied you. Quaritch didn't want to hurt your feelings.

You like your hippie friends wanted to copy Navis' lifestyle. You loved their spiritual connections to the wonderful nature around them. The Colonel found it cute but would keep his mouth shut as you rambled on about making a better life back on Earth if humans copied the Navi ways.

The Colonel agreed to whatever you said. He joked how you will put him out of business. The program will regain peace with the Navis.

His heart broke for you when you actually believed his sarcasm and jokes. You were that desperate and hated life on Earth.

But, that bitch Augustine must have influenced you more than your optimistic father. The poor man is dead and for what? Nothing. The Colonel didn't want you to end up like your dead father.

"I'll be right next to her when she needs me when she catches on." Quaritch pursed his lips. The thought of you crying made him depressed inside. You were too sheltered.

"I take care of my own."

Sully told Quaritch about being a real Navi man. That he has to stay longer with the clan. And the relocation of the Navi after getting their trust.

Quaritch was dying to kill. He was a solider marine leader. But, he didn't want Name to see him as a monster or hate him even more.

He knew he was going to be hated on by you. You will get over it after he makes a house in the woods for you. Then settle down. Then love him back again.

The Colonel was not like you. He didn't believe in fantasy unless you work hard. He got you by his evil actions of blackmailing. You think honest work can get what you want.

You have to think dirty. That's a fact

He stood up. "You better get it done, Corporal."

Sully was left alone.

Quaritch quietly closed his door as he stepped in. He was not stupid. He knew you would try to break up and leave him when he attacks home tree.

He stripped himself bare again and crawled next to your lithe and supple form.

He will have to think dirty once more to keep you in your place and check your attitude.

It's for your own good and both futures of him and you and eventually your future kids...

For now, he will show his true colors when it represents himself when the bulldozers come. Till then, he will act like the Prince charming you always wanted rather than the warrior who would kill to have you in his arms.

[psychics4unet]

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[nilrilie]

A Spirit That Never Fades | pt. 2

The plot: is missing but all you need to know is that you were once a skyperson named Anilri that was somehow reborn as a Metkayina. Eywa loves you too much.

You can find this story on ao3

Warning: Mentions of drowning, that's all. This one is mostly warmhearted scenes.

Masterlist

From the creatures that walk on land and water to the plants that surround the forest and seas, everything around you is connected with energy and the memories of the past. And as you glide around the ocean floor by yourself with nothing but a soft tune humming in your head, you are thankful to Eywa that she has given you the ability to still feel these connections in this new life. 

From time to time, you stop to graze the sand on the ocean floor in hopes to find a shell that was different from the others you regularly see scattered around the village. And when you eventually found one half hidden under a rock, you couldn't help but smile in approval. 

It was the bluest calico shell you've ever seen, covered in stripes that looked like waves from a stormy sea. 

You've never seen any seashells with this pattern before and that's saying something since you've been here at the reef for about a year.

Picking it up, your mind wandered to the Omaticaya clan. To the forest Na'vi's whose skin color was the same shade as the shell in your hands. 

Thinking of them never fails to warm your heart. They were your people, a family you never asked for but was given anyways. 

Of course, at first, the forest Na'vis treated you with harsh words and looks but as months passed — also adding Grace's name to your back, they warmed up to you much like how Neytiri was to Jake. 

As these fond memories came to you, you couldn't shake the troubled feeling in your heart that followed. 

You know full well that a war was brewing between the Omaticaya clan and the humans before you died. It wasn't a hushed conversation in Hell’s Gate, the RDA was planning something big and they didn't care if others out of their field found out. 

You wanted to stop them, to do something inside the facility that might help Jake in defending the Na’vis and their home, but you had no power or position to intervene with the RDA's plan. Not to mention you also had zero knowledge on how to handle a weapon — unless it's a SCAR-L gun or a hunting knife, and you know full well those will be useless against an AMP suit with their big ass guns and hard metal exoskeletons.

You want to go back to the forest, to fight and be useful. To see Jake, Norm, Grace, and Trudy alive and safe. But they didn't have anything here that could be used to communicate outside the reef. You could always ask Tonowari or Ronal as they’d probably know but every time you open your mouth to ask, you would always change it to a different subject. 

It was cowardly, you know this, but you were afraid. Afraid that the war had happened and had taken the lives of the people you spent your time with — getting to know and befriended. That the forest you fell in love with was no more because of the humans who did the same thing to their mother.  

But there was a part of you that was still hopeful. 

For all you know, the Na'vis and the sky people might have solved their differences and made an agreement where the two species can cooperate in peace together.

…right? 

Deciding you've lingered enough at the bottom of the sea, you took one last look around the area before swimming up. The blue shell safely in your hands in a tight grip.  

Breaking the water's surface, you didn't expect to be so far away from land. The waves were far harsher than it was before you entered making it known that you’ve strayed too far from the safety of the village.

You were hesitant to leave even as the irregular waves hit your body you still wanted to explore outside the seawall, but you knew you needed to find Tsireya. She might be going crazy with worry since you both dived together, before losing each other to your own curiosity. 

Looking at the distance, you decided to call for your ilu and in under a minute Emma was beside you. Rubbing her head on yours as she chirped happily in greeting.

“Hey girl," you giggled, hand in her head as you gently pushed her away from drowning you with affection, "I know you love me but we need to go. Tsireya might just kill my ass if I stay longer here," you said, jumping on her back and connecting your queue. Emma chirped in understanding and effortlessly guided you both back into the water, moving as fast as she could to get you both back home safely. 

On the shallow end of the water, you see Tsireya watching the surface with a worried look that melted to relief when she saw you on your ilu. 

As you got closer, you knew you were in trouble when you saw the scowl on her face. “Anilri! Where have you been?!" The girl in front of you now fumed.

“Sorry,” you smiled slyly, getting off your ilu without a sound as the water went up to your waist. 

You patted Emma’s head as a gesture to thank her and to tell her she can go, which she did before bumping her head none too gently with yours. 

“Ow! Emma, you—! Ugh…I’m sorry, Tsireya. I got distracted. I didn't notice the time.” 

Signing, Tsireya looked at you closely, taking a hold of your shoulders and spinning you around to check if you had any injuries from your time in the water. When she didn't find any, she smiled at you before taking your arm and dragging you toward the sand. 

“Be glad Aonung or Kiloä were not here. They would have dived long ago, blind by worry from your long absence. It is worrying since you know how Aonung is, 

his inflated head would only drag him up causing him to be useless in the water.” she said, eyeing you with a teasing grin. 

Tsireya stopped her walking before you lightly smacked her arm in scolding. Seeing you glare at her only made the girl giggle. 

"That's mean, Reya." 

“Mean? You were the one who said those exact same words when Aonung tried to compete in hunting with you.” 

Shaking your head in amusement and rolling your eyes at the girl who was now laughing, it was clear as day that the memory of you bullying the bully was loved by Tsireya. 

With the movement of your eyes that led you to look at the sand below your feet, you smile at what you see. 

There on the sand were shells of different kinds, all ranging in different colors and shapes in one neat circle.

You squatted down to take a better look at them, Tsireya following you with a soft smile. 

At first, she had wondered why you didn't seem to know any skills that were needed to live on the reef, and even Aonung went to her to ask these questions with distress as he was the one who was supposed to look after the mysterious Metkayina girl.  

“How am I not supposed to worry, Tsireya? The girl can not even breathe properly underwater! She was behind me as we rode an ilu, then in an instant, lost her grip on me! When I looked back to see if she was alright, she was clutching her throat since she drank seawater from staying too long under. How was I supposed to know she needed air, she should have hit me or something to make me notice — !” 

“Aonung, Aunong stop it. Breath, brother.”

“She is Metkayina yet she does not know the basic things to survive in the water. 

She could have drowned, sister.” 

With his hands on his head and a pained expression on his face, Tsireya could only give him one piece of advice that she knows will work as she had experience in teaching the younger children of their clan. 

“Be patient with her, brother. She has lost her memories and that is probably why she has also forgotten the things we were all first taught as children.”

Aonung looked somber but nodded his head in agreement. “You know I am not Patient.” 

“Yes, but if you do not want a repeat of what happened, you must be. You must also talk to her and get to know her. Be her teacher and treat her as if she is a child, taking her first step in the water.” 

And as weeks passed, it was obvious you only needed a reminder. You were fast to learn, breaking records of warriors who could hold their breath underwater. You even rode an ilu with only one instruction to connect and hold on tight. 

You were someone that was connected with the water like no other. Tsireya couldn't stop the thought of telling her mother that the girl could be a future Tsahìk if only her mother would stop being suspicious of the girl. 

With your closeness to Aonung, Rotxo was there to see your growth. Furthermore, helping in teaching you anything you needed to know about hunting and making nets. And along with Rotxo, Tsireya was there to further assist you with breathing and riding the ilus.

The three teens could see your love for their home. And even till now, the love you showed towards the reef reminded them of its beauty. Something that they have almost forgotten as they were surrounded by it all their life. 

With the face you make, of awe and wonder, every time you see even the tiniest seashell on the sand, Tsireya was reminded to be thankful. And there was one thing she was extremely thankful for, and that was the day Eywa had given you to them. 

"Did you find all this?" you asked the younger girl, brushing your fingers on the shells to feel their textures.

"I did,” she replied, doing the same with the others that were near her. “When we got separated, I decided to look around and found them. I thought they would look good as decorations for clothing." 

"They would also look good as accessories for the hair. Would you like me to re-braid your hair and use some of it? These small ones are the perfect size."

"Yes, please! I would rather have you do it than my mother, she could sometimes be rough in handling hair." 

With a restrained laugh from what Tsireya told you, you looked back at the shells to distract yourself from laughing out loud. 

Sometimes, you still can't believe that everything that’s happening around you is true. 

Swimming and playing around in a body of water used to be a distant dream you had back on earth since the oceans and seas there were so polluted to the extent that none can be used to even water the nonexisting plants you had at home. 

Now here at Awa'atlu, you were living near the sea and breathing in the fresh air.

A very different place from where you started.

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | ...

@ultimatebluff

[bygetoacademia]

100 days of productivity update

Well...

I didn't manage to get through even half of the challenge, but it's not the first thing I've failed at this year so it's fine. Maybe I'll try again next semester.

Gloomy yap sesh

Truth is I'm tired mentally. And I've been like this for a really long time, it has just amped up to great heights recently

It sucks watching myself lose interest in absolutely everything. I don't have the energy to talk to my favorite people. I haven't touched a book in ages. Anime is starting to be a lil boring. I don't react to any Suguru content. I scroll past satosugu videos on TikTok like they're ads... It really breaks my heart because I want to be interested in all of these but I'm not and that's that.

To make things a little bit worse, I caught a cold so I feel extra crappy and I can't smell anything, which means bath time therapy won't work. And it's that time of the month so the hormones are doing their thing and I'm at my absolute lowest rn.

It's times like these I wish I had somewhere to escape to. If I had enough balls I'd ask my cousin or one of my aunts to let me visit them just for a week to get some air. But I have negative balls so here I am yapping on Tumblr while eating the most tasteless rice of my life.

When I made the decision to move back home I asked myself one simple question: Money or Mental Health. After a few weeks of pondering I decided to go the money route because I thought I was a strong little girl but boy was I wrong!

Did I save some money? Yes! absolutely but I'm in shambles right now even the voices are concerned

Every time I try to bounce back with The Power of Positivity™ I get knocked down within an hour. I don't even want to bother anymore

"Why don't you talk to somebody" Idk, everybody has their own thing going on, big things as a matter of fact and me coming with my little issues might seem a little insulting to them.

Besides if I try talking to somebody around me they might:

Blank stare + I can't help you with this one

Say "that's bitch shit"

You're being dumb on purpose bc you know exactly what to do which is true but not necessarily simple

Do I feel better after this rant... Not necessarily

[farshootingstar]

This one was kind of a doozy for me.

Here's the Vincent playlist for all the playtesters of culture out there! He's going to get some longer songs than usual in here as a treat (classical music can be like that, so yeah). I'll also admit right now that I'm not especially knowledgeable in the classical music scene, so I may not always pick out what's considered the best interpretations of the pieces at large. I feel like I should have something to say on why I chose some of these so, like the Kadsey playlist notes, this is long.

We're starting off strong with Chopin's 12 Études, Op. 10: No. 12 in C Minor as performed by Murray Parahia. Op. 10: No. 12 is the piece that Vincent performed in his route, which is the most obvious choice yet when it comes to these playlists. The reason I chose Murray Parahia's interpretation specifically is because of the way I chose a piece later on.

Next song is a swing into the macabre with The Séance by Blackbriar. I felt like referencing Vincent's interests in the supernatural early on. Seeing a ghost was definitely a formative experience for this guy.

Cut for spoilers below, just in case.

I don't want all of the classical selections to be "oops, all piano" even if that's Vincent's instrument of choice, so I'm also sprinkling in some other stuff. This one is Ernst's The Last Rose of Summer "Étude No. 6" as performed by Midori on violin, the same instrument as Vincent's father. I'm no expert, but the bow work sounds insane in this. I also like to think Vincent is a character that has a fondness for roses, since he tends to wear a purple rose boutonierre on his jacket.

I know someone that's a big fan of the v-kei group Versailles, so I slipped a little of their music in, since I think it's symphonic metal-adjacent. First up from them is Sympathia. I think it fits well with the fact that Vincent has some complicated relationships to deal with in his life (especially with how he views his deceased parents). That theme somewhat continues with La Maritza by Therion, with the singer reminiscing about her father.

I'm not really sure if Vincent's really into Impressionism when it comes to classical music, but I like to think he has some fondness for more emotionally-driven pieces, to contrast Ashino's soulless approach to art if nothing else. So, we're going to have some Debussy. 12 Études, L. 136: 2. Pour les Tierces (I'm so sorry for these titles; I sure don't pick for classical music to be organized this way) as performed by Mitsuko Uchida caught my attention. Apparently, Debussy said in his time that his études are "a warning to pianists not to take up the musical profession unless they have remarkable hands", so yeah. This piece and the set it's from are supposed to be major skill checks and I respect that.

Dark Venus Persephone is something I chose to somewhat reference the Glory version of Vincent's mother, Lily (I specify the Glory version, since there will also be references to the Bureau version that's pulling the strings on the whole AI project). Basically, she's a beautiful and tragic figure that was gone before her time, fitting with this sort of song. METAL KINGDOM is next to amp up the energy a bit more, along with giving us some power of friendship vibes, since Vincent could really use that kind of positivity. I, Don Quixote as covered by Chrisopher Lee (yes, the actor that played Saruman in LotR, among other iconic roles; he was also a metal enthusiast and occasional opera singer) is next because no one can tell me that Vincent wouldn't have had some admiration for Sir Christopher Lee as a fascinating gentleman.

A Villain's Monologue and The Rapture (but it's Pink) are songs that I think could fit for either the true Lily in the Bureau or Ashton, since both of them have plans for Vincent and aren't interested in giving him any say in the matters (and some bits of each song kind of fit each character more). Hell, Ashino can count in this chaos, too, since he thinks Vincent's rigged to be chosen by us and plans to circumvent that himself (albeit without killing Vincent, which is a bit of a step up from Ashton's attitude).

This next one is very basic of me, but come on. Mozart's Requiem in D Minor, K. 626: Sequence: VI. Lacrimosa dies illa is such an iconic piece. If someone asks me what a requiem mass sounds like, I'd point to this. Death is Not the End comes next because death is practically a slap on the wrist for the AI characters in this story (as well as the player's avatar within the game, for that matter, since getting killed boots us back to the date selection screen with no lost progress). There also seems to be some reanimation stuff in there, so we could link that to Lily and the Bureau's plans.

Ghost is probably the weirdest song in this playlist, from a genre perspective, but it still feels on theme with the possibly supernatural aspect (especially if you take the music video into account, but this isn't about music videos) and the pessimistic doubt to it. Let's face it: Vincent's not exactly in the best situation in REBOOT, the game where we can finally get to know him. He's reluctant to reach out to his friends for help and his attempts to ask what's wrong with John and Kadsey lately have been brushed off in turn.

Next up is Chopin's 12 Études, Op. 25: No. 12 in C Minor as performed by Murray Parahia and I had decided to play a bit of a game in choosing that pianist. Usually, I look up a recommended artist for the solo pieces and pick something. For this one, I chose the piece and listened to several interpretations, picking out the one that spoke to me. This piece tends to also be called the Ocean étude and I assume it's from all of the arpeggios evoking rolling waves. Something about this specific interpretation sounds like an outpouring of grief to me, though I'm not sure if that was the intention from either Chopin's composition or Parahia's playing. Whatever the case is, this is the only version that nearly made me cry, so I knew this was the one. This was a fun little experiment and I'd recommend trying it, since interpretation in performance is very important to classical pieces. Also, this one ended up making me feel slightly more confident in my tastes, since I decided to look up info on Parahia and apparently his interpretations are extremely well-regarded in general.

Our Truth by Lacuna Coil us a song that gives me the vibe of "I reject your reality and I replace it with my own.", though I think we can hope for something more positive than what characters that have tried to change things have done so far.

Next is Beethoven's Sonata No. 14 "Moonlight" on C-Sharp Minor, Op. 27 No. 2: I. Adagio sostenuto as performed by Paul Lewis. Moonlight Sonata is the other piece that Vincent plays in his route, but that one is if you reject his date. Of course, trying to reject him only ends up bringing us closer to him by some strange events and we get some delicious lore on top of that.

The Rabbit of the Moon by Moonlight Haze is next and I'll admit I chose that for Vincent's fondness for rabbits. It's about the Chinese fairytale of the jade rabbit, which I admit I only originally knew about since someone gave me a book about the Chinese zodiac that included that story. Not going to tell the whole thing here, but basically the rabbit is rewarded for the kindness of their attempted self-sacrifice to help a stranger.

This next one's actually pretty scandalous and would probably embarrass Vincent to no end: Debussy's Prelude to the Afternoon of a Faun. Yes, I know the title of the version I put on the playlist is in French, but I thought putting the translation would be convenient here. This feels like it could be a decent nod to the yandere end, since I haven't even really mentioned the REBOOT yandere ends in any playlists. They all play out pretty similarly (something I have speculations about), so I thought I'd just slip in something extra spicy for that. I imagine some of you may be confused by me saying that about this song, since it mostly sounds dreamlike, sweeping, and a bit romantic, but you'll know what I mean if you know either the poem it's based on or the ballet made later on to accompany the song (especially the ballet, honestly; that ending is bold, is how I choose to put it, and I'm not at all surprised that reactions to it had been mixed, since that was the same sort of audience that literally rioted at the premiere of Rites of Spring). This piece is something called a symphonic poem, which basically means it was made to evoke the feeling from some other piece of art- stuff like poems or paintings.

The other Versailles song I slipped into this is DRY ICE SCREAM!! [Remove Silence] and I like the energy in this one. This one comes off to me as a bit of a tragic love song and it's hard not to see everyone stuck in Glory as a bit tragic with what they're all going through, even if Vincent and John are less aware of the details.

The final song is Shared Hearts by Snow White Blood and Lilly Seth. It's a fairytale-themed song about an inseparable bond between sisters, but I chose it because of Vincent's found family: his friends and the player. Considering that in his true end, even if that's not the truest ending of the game, he finally reaches out for help and has renewed direction in his life, I really wanted something to reflect the bonds that support him. I hope that his ending stays happy.

Next time will be John. I thought his list would be the most difficult, but it really wasn't.

[rianafying]

i’m having a really bad day emotionally. idk if it’s my period hormones or bpd but i’m just in a really sucky mood today. yesterday i recovered from one illness that i had since late jan. i’ve been desperately waiting to feel better and this morning i woke up with another kind of illness. and i’m doing my best to recover from this as well. and something triggered my abandonment response and im just having a really really hard time right now. and i can’t even freely talk about it to anyone or even write about it in my journal. i’m just. so sad right now. i’m not abandoned but i feel that way. i have been feeling abandoned for a while now and a small thing that happened last night really amped it up. then this morning i woke up with a crazy amount of physical pain and fever from said illness and im also severely dehydrated because i have been too upset to drink water so i’ve been forcing myself to drink lots of water all day. and had to take painkillers and sleep the fever off. all by myself. i hate being by myself. but it was worse when i was living with family back in bangladesh. somehow i felt even lonelier and more horrible there. lately i’ve had very little hope about myself and my future. i’m just going through a rough time mentally. so are my loved ones. i’m sobbing as i’m writing about this. this isn’t even bad. like it’s just my mental illness over reacting and my hormones possibly amplifying the negative emotions. but nothing terrible has actually happened it’s just that i wanted something and i can’t have it and even in my dreams, my desires plague me. it all sounds vague but that’s on purpose because i can’t openly talk about it. even when faced with much greater difficulty, i have handled things better but right now even though it’s not actually that bad, i feel exceptionally sad. i did my groceries. made the right decisions. i literally did my very fucking best today. and yet i feel nothing but awful awful awful. even some self hatred and self pity. i’m having a hard time trying to logic myself out of this one. maybe it just needs some time. the problem is that i don’t have all that much time to give. i have a class early tomorrow and it’s one of those classes that i really have to participate in and even though i normally look forward to this class, im dreading it right now. i dont have the energy to learn a whole bunch of things right now. and my friends invited me for drinks after classes, which is great but sucks because i literally have 5$ in my bank account to last me the whole week, and today was just monday. idk how this happened. actually i know exactly how this happened, i paid of my medical bills when i got paid this weekend. that’s why i have nothing left. but it’s a big relief. that i have paid off all my hospital debt. it’s a huge deal. and it’s done. now temporarily i’ll struggle a little but it’ll be okay soon. also it was just 11:11pm and i made a good wish. i’m going to try my best to bring it to fruition. rn im still a bit sick, and im not gonna beat myself up for having a bad couple of days. i know im doing my best. my best is not as good as other people’s but it’s mine. and i am choosing to go easy on myself. i’m feeling a fever coming back. the plan for the rest of the night is to maybe rest till my fever goes away. then watch the movies i downloaded w the library wifi, because guess what, i didn’t have money to get wifi this month. so i barely use my data and i try to download as much as i can at uni and at the library. it has been kind of good for me. to be off the internet mostly. this reminds me i should deactivate my instagram soon. idc if i loose my work flow. or maybe try to find balance between life offline and online. after i’m done resting and my fever subsides, ill boil some eggs and what not. i deserve to eat well. nvm im back to crying in my fetal position. oh god i feel so bad. i feel so bad right now. i can’t do anything about this. and the things that i can fix, i don’t. this is literally my life. crying about things i can’t control and ignoring the things i can control

this is the worst i have felt in 2024 so far. i’m so sad that it’s giving me a headache. i’m so disoriented and confused and tired and sad i don’t wanna do anything. i’m depressed as fuck. why does this happen to me. oh god i let a couple of hours pass, and i’m doing a little bit better. this is so stupid.

[audioaperture]

The Dirty Nil: Des Moines, Iowa – 6.22.24 show review and "Free Rein to Passions" album review

The Dirty Nil’s latest album, "Free Rein to Passions," is an explosive amalgamation of punk rawness, stadium rock grandeur, and metal intensity, all served with a hefty dose of tongue-in-cheek humor. Hailing from Ontario, the trio has once again proven their prowess in crafting infectious anthems that are as lyrically sharp as they are musically ferocious.

The album kicks off with "Celebration," a high-octane track that immediately sets the tone for what’s to come. The riffs are heavy, the drums relentless, and Luke Bentham’s vocals are as gritty as ever. The production quality is polished yet retains the raw edge that fans of The Dirty Nil have come to love. Each track is a testament to the band’s ability to blend different rock subgenres seamlessly. From the punk energy of "Undefeated" to the Anthemic metal-infused "Am I the Menace” the band showcases their versatility without losing their distinctive sound. "Free Rein to Passions" explores themes of rebellion, individuality, and the absurdity of modern life, all wrapped up in a package that doesn’t take itself too seriously. The humor is a vehicle for deeper commentary, making the album both thought-provoking and fun.

One of the band’s stand out features is their lyrics. The Dirty Nil has always had a knack for injecting humor into their music, and this album is no exception. In "Stupid Jobs," the band takes a jab at the monotony of everyday life with lines like, “No offense to my friends in the workforce / I’m just saying what we’re all thinking / Fuck’em.” It’s a humorous yet relatable take on the struggles of the modern working class, delivered with a sneer that only The Dirty Nil can pull off.

Another lyrical theme is positivity in the face of existential dread.  On the title track," Bentham sings, “’Cause if the powers that be / Drop the bomb on you and me / I’m gunna sing with a big old grin / What a beautiful life it’s been.” In “I am the Menace, Bentham declares “Do some living while you’re able / try not to be ungrateful for the gift of suffering / the light, the void, everything”  It’s this kind of clever, biting humor that elevates The Dirty Nil’s lyrics, making them not only entertaining but also memorable.

Like the album, their live show is a wild ride from start to finish, filled with headbanging anthems, razor-sharp wit, and infectious energy. It’s a must-listen for fans of punk, metal, and rock alike, offering a refreshing take on these genres with its unique blend of humor and intensity. Luke Bentham, sporting his signature guitar moves, commanded the stage with the swagger of a rock deity. His solos were electrifying, his riffs sharp and relentless, each note echoing through the packed venue with the power of a thousand amps. Bassist Sam Tomlinson and drummer Kyle Fisher provided a thunderous rhythm section that could have filled a venue ten times the size. The chemistry between the three was palpable, their synergy on full display as they powered through their setlist with the intensity of a band playing to a crowd of 60,000 rather than 500.

The Dirty Nil's set was a barrage of anthems and rock star moves that simply couldn't be contained. "Celebration" and "Am I the Menace" had the crowd jumping, their choruses designed for mass sing-alongs. Even in such a small space, the energy was immense, each song a call to arms for rock fans. The connection between the band and the audience was electric. When they launched into “Nicer Guy,” Bentham’s cheeky lyrics resonated with the crowd, particularly when Bentham sings “can I get an Amen?” to which the crowd responds, “Fuck you!”  This struck a chord with the audience, many of whom undoubtedly related to its humor and biting social commentary.

Whether playing to 500 or 60,000, The Dirty Nil performs with the same unrelenting passion and exuberance, making every show feel like a stadium rock show.

The Dirty Nil’s album and live show isn’t just music; it’s a celebration of the chaotic, the rebellious, and the downright fun.

[shesailsships]

5.14.24 TXT Promise Tour Tacoma Dome <3

Okay, I'm finally recovered enough to spill it all and gush about the Tacoma Dome show, which I was so blessed to be able to go to! My last concert was BTS at Allegiant in Las Vegas- again, so lucky to go! The next concert I was desperate to attend was TXT...but they have always toured in LA, and I haven't been in a financial position to travel. When I heard TXT had a stop here in Seattle for their 2024 Promise Tour, I cried. I scraped just enough money together to buy tickets (getting them was so stressful waah!), and flash forward to two nights ago, I had the concert of my dreams <3

Our seats were the nosebleeds, but they were great?? Idk, I guess I'm always sitting in the back at concerts so it doesn't bother me, and because the Tacoma Dome is a smaller venue than the last couple I've been to, it felt closer. We were also facing the stage straight on, so that gave a great view!

The moment the boys came out was so surreal, like idk...my routine is to relax by watching them doing “something” nearly everyday, and of course I'm always listening to them...to have them actually in front of me, no screen between us....?! Wild! They really are so tall lol! And so handsome, my god! The amount of charm and charisma is no joke. They are natural performers of course, but deeper than that, they are them, you know? There's just something so attractive in their authentic selves. It was just beyond amazing to be in their presence. Gives me the goosebumps just thinking about it.

Speaking of their presence, idk what Big Hit be feeding them, but whatever it is-- they were on FIRE. Like burn-the-stage-Lapalooza on fire. They were such a FORCE on stage. I came in with high expectations, I know what performers these boys are, but they just blew any expectation I had out of the water. Puma was an experience okay? Like the looks Yeonjun was giving the camera needed a parental warning. Taehyun during Quarter Life was something else!! I don't even know how to describe it, like he just like a whole man out there?? idk idk! Soobin took me out every time the camera was on him, period. Also: Killa. Need I say more? Beomgyu with his hand in his hair non-stop was the deadliest, and Kai with his “guitar solo”??? I'm not okay.

And if it wasn't their stage presence melting me, it was their hearts of gold. For real. The things they said in the ending ments just made me into a mushy puddle of love. Through the whole show they seemed so touched at the energy of the crowd and their reception overall, and I'm over here like: duh! We love you! But they seemed so surprised- in a really good way <3 TAEHYUNG SAID WE KILLED IT. YAAAS. Yeonjun stood on that stage and told us he felt like the “luckiest man in the world” and I about died. He was so full of love, telling MOAs over and over how much he appreciates our love and energy, just the sweetest omg! Kai said he was falling in love with us??? IDK it was like fever dream all their sweet comments oh gosh!

The crowd really was so good. I'm so proud Seattle showed up for the boys and gave them the energy they needed! Taehyun said that we started out so loud and strong that he wondered how we could continue it through the whole concert and not “burn out”, but he was amazed to see that we didn't quit, and he said that really fueled him :) Yeonjun said he had never experienced anything like it “since I was born”. Hell yes, Seattle MOA, way to go! The boys were particularly fascinated with our 'Tacoma dome stomping'. They looooved it and got such a kick out of it when we would do it along with our cheering, it just totally amped up the vibe. They had us do it over and over again. They would say something and we would go crazy and stomp and they would just smile amazed. They were speechless. It was so cool :D

The boys interactions with MOA was so sweet and genuine. There was a section of the night where they worked with us on a chant combined with our stomping and it was the most fun I've EVER had at a concert. The chant went like this (to the beat of We Will Rock You): stomp-stomp “TXT!” stomp-stomp “I love you!” stomp-stomp “moments of!” stomp-stomp “alwaysness!” stomp-stomp “yaaa, yaaa, yaaa!” :DD

The setlist was a banger. Dudeee. The show opened with Deja Vu, ahhhh!! I was a little sad not to hear the fan chant at all, not only for Deja Vu, but other songs as well...but again, the crowd was loud and we certainly made up for it, just- as a kpop veteran, I missed that part. I screamed my lungs out for 0X1=LOVESONG and LO$ER=LOVER like those were my dream songs to hear in concert and I'm still freaking out!! I was so glad to see Freefall get some love, it was so freaking awesome to see them preform Back For More, Chasing That Feeling, Deep Down, Dreamer, and Growing Pain. They absolutely killed Growning Pain, kpop who?

Speaking of killed: Killa nearly took me out. Okay, it DID take me out. I knew what was coming, yet nothing could prepare me for it. Yeonbin, subunit of my dreams, on stage, dancing together LIKE THAT, looking smoking hot, raising the temperature of the whole Tacoma Dome. It was an EXPERIENCE ya'll. I don't think I breathed the whole performance. I remember looking over at my sister and her mouth was just hanging out. Yup. They just did that. In front of my salad. Unreal. Wild.

Okay, I have to talk about the surprise performances of the night for me. Before the show I purposely avoided spoilers, I wanted to be surprised by the setlist. I was listening to the boys as I got ready for the concert, playing a game with myself, guessing which songs would TXT would preform? The track Thursday's Child came on and I was like, 'oh I love this song so much, but I know they will be doing Promise unit songs, so they won't do older unit tracks' and wrote it off. Then Trust Fund Baby came on. I have a special attachment to Trust Fund Baby, it just pulls at my heart, and it's probably my most listened to TXT track if I'm being honest. I wrote it off as an older album B-side and had negative zero expectations of hearing it that night. But I was wrong?!?! They freaking played Thursday's Child, adjusting it into a group song?! It was an amazing surprise, I was floored! But my surprise didn't end there. They played Trust Fund Baby. I sung my lungs out. I was so moved I cried you guys. Like it was so unexpected, I had told myself, 'no way' and then there they were, preforming it. Ah, I feel like crying just thinking about it.

Puma was also a surprise, but like I said above: they chewed that one up and spit it out, like damn!

AND THEY DID TINNITUS IN IT'S ENTIRETY. I am batshit about that song and I went INSANE when it came on oooooh booooy XDD The opening notes started and my cousin and I locked eyes and yelled, “whee!” and it just doesn't get better than that.

Farewell Neverland was shortened, saaaaad- and they did the same to Cat & Dog, but then came back and did the full version at the end of the show:) We all got to bark twice hahaha!

Runaway was one of my favorite performances of the night, one of my ultimate faves. They also did Magic, New Rules, Ghosting, Sugar Rush Ride (amazing remix!!), and Devil by the Window.

Tomorrow got it's moment to shine. Every song was preformed from the album, and let me tell you, Quarter Life was unreal. The Maknae Line was not be out done by the Hyungz. [chef's kiss]. I'll See You There Tomorrow's choreography was insane to see live and Miracle felt like a great big hug <3

I had an AMAZING experience at my first TXT concert. Truly, it couldn't have gone any better. I am so grateful to FINALLY have gotten to see my boys live. They are my everything and I will cherish the memories of this concert always. They promised to come back to Seattle if we promise to always stay MOAs. I promise.

[tutuandscoot]

I know this moment has been gifed before but since I want to kinda have a different discussion about it I felt it best to do my own post on it)

As you all know by now I don’t see anything wrong or questionable with anything they have ever done- moments that spurred conversation.. for me and more importantly them (the only ones that matter in this) there is a completely justifiable reason for all of it. It only concerned them, their business is their business and literally everything we have ever seen is confirmation of how truly special they are to each other. So let’s dive into some of that and think about a moment like this a bit differently, because it’s actually, I think a glimpse into their very intimate, finely tuned sensitivity towards each other’s beings which is kinda magical in a way.

Firstly, there’s no need to be so precious over this tushie tap. He’s amped up, he’s ready to go, wants to get on the ice, full of testosterone, he needs to channel that energy somewhere. There’s been other times where he’s smacked the boards, he does those knee bounces as well- and with Patch he could have a little guy on guy moment (you know what I mean- that reassurance from his male role model). But, in every instance- in the form of them actually skating, then moments like this as well, that energy and fire goes into Tessa.. they are a team and they feed directly off each other’s energy. He’s not hurting her, he’s not violating her, he is channeling he’s energy and anticipation into her because he knows she is feeling the exact same way. He’s amping her up. This is not some random girl he is tapping on the butt, this is the person he’s more close with than anyone else in the world. He is constantly touching her. He has been for for 2 decades. You can even see in the fact that she doesn’t register it at all how normal this is and how accepting she is of it. It’s him channeling his energy, testosterone, anticipation into her- she is his team mate, his best friend, the person she trusts with her life both physically and emotionally, this is nothing but teammates interacting, getting ready for the skate of their lives, and with some positive reinforcement. Another moment of connection for them.

The second moment though is what I find super fascinating.

There’s been other moments caught on camera and therefore surely moments before every skate, several we’ll never see- so thousands probably over their whole career, is this a really subtle interaction of their needing to connect with each other.

Having thought about this lots (and not being any kind of expert in any of these fields of study) it’s gotten me thinking about the way the nervous system reacts/interacts and how it seeks out that comfort and reassurance- in their case each other, being each other’s person. It’s kind of an impulse, then when it’s met with another system it knows so intimately, can inadvertently respond and communicate without.. permission from its.. host or brain of the body it’s in.. (fuck me I sound like I’m writing a sci-fi script.. anyway let me continue)

She reaches out for his leg and begins to pat him, in a similar area to where she last received that physical communication from him, which was also a patting motion- that was the last thing she felt and the rhythm of movement most present to her feeling, it’s the most recently recognised/understood. That physically then becomes an invitation for him to respond, reach out to connect with her. At this immediate moment you can see in their eyes they have become completely closed off to everything around them. It’s as if the aux chord is pulled and there is just static, or that dull humming you hear when it is more silent than silent. A void of any noise but their two synchronised heartbeats.

Also at this exact moment that he makes contact with her, instead of energetic patting, a gentle soothing caress. At this exact moment, her physical motion immediately becomes in line, in synchronicity and harmony with his. THIS is their nervous systems talking to each other! Without any instruction, outside/third party impetus, this is her response to his touch and her tuning to the same frequency/ speaking the same language/ whatever analogy you want to give it. They are moving with each other in the exact same rhythm.

The moment from Sochi where their TE FD warm up ‘kiss’ is caught on camera, the commentator in the background mentions that ‘sometimes they can get so caught up in the dance, and each other…’

This is seeing them get caught up with each other. They are so in tune to each other on a level that doesn’t require any decision making/outside impetus, just on an internal, fibre optic level pulsing signal to connect to that person standing next to them that they become shut into their bubble and the whole world fades away. This sometimes I guess has happened when they perform- the times T has talked about falling into a flow state (coincidentally this SD performance to follow she said was one of those). But that, for people watching is harder to tell how and where that exactly happens, and while admittedly in this instance it has taken me more minutes than i’d like to admit staring at to realise this is maybe what’s happening.. it’s incredible to witness even for a few seconds, them making themselves totally isolated from everything around them- wordlessly, just through their touch on each other they can tune into being completely on their own frequency.

This lasts a second or two, them caressing each other to the same rhythm, their eyes locked on each other’s communicating wordlessly (he may be saying something it’s hard to tell but if he was it feels like that’s not what’s controlling all this physical stuff). Then, what probably to them feels from a distance, but in reality about a metre away from them, that faint interruption that they have to line up ready to step on the ice. Even as that happens, they don’t suddenly fall out of their bubble; oh no because time for them has seemingly slowed down as they pulled each other into that formidable place of security, that place that has been their home for 20+years, that nervous impulse even brings them out of it. They give each other a final reassurance ‘up & down’ rub- so in sync I’m quite literally not sure which of them initiated it, and they turn their heads away at the exact same time, only fractionally out of sync.

It’s the same thing I’m assuming happens in the hug- that nerve impulse though is their breathing. They almost get to a point where neither one of them is initiating it. They can turn their minds off and connect on a much more pure, instinctual, human level. They kinda exit the world around them for a few moments where it is just those subtle human impulses and hold on each other keeping them present in the moment.

They don’t just know each other as friends or work partners.. they literally know how to respond to each other’s innate humanity- the systems keeping their bodies alive know how to find and connect and synchronise with each other’s. And not only can they do that.. they wanted their bodies to be able to do that.

When people ask me why I love them so much and what makes them so good and special.. it’s shit like this… because where in the ISU manual does it say pairs or ice dance teams have to be in sync down to their vital human organs??? It doesn’t say that and it’s never gonna say that and medals will be handed out with this never being on anyones mind.. which is why I just can’t see TS anymore in relation to the environment in which they competed (I can on technical aspects but not a human/artist level).

Everyone left dumbfounded by these two not being “”together””, well here I am sobbing into a pillow over the fact these two managed to train and actively wanted their nervous systems to (seemingly) communicate with each other and simultaneously shut the entire world out.. they wanted their freaking hearts to beat at the same time.. she wanted to only connect with him because that’s where she felt safest, he only wanted to go through all these rollercoasters of emotions with her, they wanted to be so inextricably connected… oh yeh and then go and dance as beautifully as they did and act as well as they did with blades on their feet and win a shit tonne of medals for it.. Ok whatever……

(Still sobbing)..