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dragon-creates · 7 months ago

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She Was Like A Sunflower

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Yeah, I just finished this so there may be some spelling mistakes. I just didn't want to delay the second chapter any further so I'll fix them when I wake up. Also, WHO PUT DOOMED YURI IN MY FUNNYBUNNY FIC?!?! Also, come support me and Pandora's new au on our shared tumblr called 'The Amazing Digital Redacted AU'. If you love indie horror like Bendy and the Ink machine, Poppy Playtime, FNAF then you'll love this AU. Here's the link Don't forget to check out twitter as well All that said, enjoy chapter 2! (and dont kill me pls)

2. Marjorie

What died didn't stay dead

You're alive, so alive

And if I didn't know better

I'd think you were singing to me now – Marjorie by Taylor Swift

Cloudy skies, not a hint of light coming through. It was going to be that type of day today, and that type of mood by the way Winter observed Riley’s behaviour this morning. The redhead was at the table, drinking coffee and bouncing Percy on her knee. Winter could tell whenever a smile was pretend, and the way her wife smiled right now was no exception.

Could she blame her? Winter was a wreck when Jack went missing and knowing how close Penny and Riley were, it made sense for her wife to behave the way she did. But the thing is, Riley didn’t, or scream, or get angry. The passionate, loud, amazing women she married wasn’t the one holding their son at the table. There was only a shell. And after that visit she had with David, Riley’s shell had only gotten tougher.

If Riley said anything that related to Penny, it would be to trying to find her. She never spoke about how it made her feel, never saw a tear, or the grieved anger that one would expect. Riley was always so loving towards anything about her sister, it unnerved Winter seeing her wife like this.

“Look at him,” Riley cooed at the little baby on her lap. “We have the cutest kid in the world, look at him.”

Percy giggled as his mother held him up under the arms, thrashing his legs about as he peered at his mama over the kitchen island. “He is the cutest baby in the world,” Winter agreed. “Um, I know Captain Rae is okay with you working on this case. But are you sure-”

“We should get him a new mobile,” Riley cut her off, focusing her attention on Percy. “I think the other one isn’t working to well, he never pays attention to it.”

Winter pursed her lips, tapping her fingers on the kitchen counter. She wanted to at least say something about Penny before Riley had to leave to drop Percy off at Laura’s. “Listen, Riley,” she spoke, making her wife turn to her. “You have been nothing but patient when I found out Jack went missing, I know this type of this is so fucking far from easy. Whatever you’re feeling, I’ve felt it too. You…you know that right?”

“I know,” Riley smiled warmly. “You know, you can say if you’re missing Jack again. You don’t have to be light about it to make me feel better, okay Hun?”

“No, no, that’s not what I’m trying to say,” Winter pinched the bridge of her nose. “I’ve heard you in the night, waking up crying. I understand what you’re feeling, you can talk about Penny-”

“-Okay Percy,” Riley turned back to her son. “Are you ready to see Grandma?” She immediately stood up, holding him by her hip as she grabbed her own bag, Percy’s baby bag and car keys from the table.

It was as if a switch was flipped, a wall was put up and the shell was hardening. “Riley, wait!” Winter went round the kitchen island as she chased her wife to the door, “Riley.”

Riley froze as she opened the door, facing the outside, her face hidden. Winter heard her take a sharp intake of breath before facing her with the same faux smile that she had been wearing ever since she came back from David’s “Yeah?”

“I…It’s just,” Winter tried to find the words, to say something that didn’t involve her life leaving without at least finishing a conversation. But she knew that no matter how hard she tried, Riley would find an opening in order not to face it, and it would only make Winter’s efforts even harder. The dark-haired woman sighed, “I’ll see you at work later. I…love you.”

A glimpse of a real smile appeared on Riley’s face, “I love you too carrot cake.” The redhead pressed a kiss to her wife’s cheek, “I’ll see you soon.”

“Yeah,” Winter nodded solemnly, “See you soon.”

With that, Riley turned her focus back on Percy and shut the door behind her. Winter let her soldiers sag, a painful ache forming in her heart. She knew Riley was hurting, she saw it flicker in her eyes every time a dead end came up for Penny’s case, she heard it when Riley awoke crying from nightmares – yet Winter pretended she was asleep in order for Riley to not feel ashamed – and she felt every single anger and grief that she knew Riley was having because she had felt it when Jack went missing.

So why wouldn’t Riley talk to her?!

Winter took a deep breath, trying to cancel out the negative energy. Everyone copes differently with these types of things. Besides, she and Riley were as strong as cement, they could work through this despite how bleak everything seemed.

Riley would come to her eventually…maybe…hopefully.

So why did Winter feel so lonely?

“Okay, let me understand this as best as I can,” Ragatha started. Pomni and Jax had set up some bean bags for everyone while they sat on the bed, just finishing up their rundown of everything that happened in the last day. “You two have your memories back?”

“Yup,” Jax nodded.

“And you two were engaged before you got sucked in here?” Zooble questioned.

“That would be correct,” Pomni agreed.

“And now you guys might know a way to escape this place?” Gangle asked.

“That is a plausibility,” Jax replied.

Ragatha pressed her hands together and held them near her face, taking a long, deep, exhausted breath, “This is a lot to take in.”

Pomni bit her lip nervously, “I know this is the last thing you were all expecting, but you’re all handling this well all things considered.”

“I’m just confused on how you managed to fall in love with Jax of all people,” Zooble muttered, glaring at the rabbit.

Jax rolled his eyes, “Thanks Zooble.”

Pomni frowned, taking his hand into hers and squeezing it tight, “Because he loved me despite everything, saw me at my worst yet stayed because he knew I could thrive into my best. And right now, he helped me find a possible way to get everyone out of here. Do I excuse what he’s done to all of you? No. And I’m still not happy with how he treated me and Ragatha on my first day. So don’t think I’m taking sides, I’m simply observing.”

Zooble sighed, almost feeling guilty…almost. But they trusted Pomni’s word, not Jax’s (they didn’t know if they ever would) but definitely Pomni’s. “Fine” she muttered.

Kinger looked more lost than he usually did. The usual quiet brainstorm he would have in the middle of the room increased like wildfire. “Memories…returning,” he mumbled. “This…I don’t…I haven’t seen anything like it.”

Jax turned to the chess piece. He didn’t like this reaction, not one bit. It brought up too many painful flashbacks of someone similar to Kinger going through the same thing a long time ago, “Kinger, buddy, stay with us.”

It was like going in one ear and out the either for the royal character, still shaking like a leaf, “How…what is…something is…a trip?”

Trip? Jax didn’t want to see how far this would go, how far Kinger would go unless he’d – no, he wasn’t going to finish that thought and he wouldn’t let this continue. “Kinger!” Jax clapped his hands, the sound ringing through the room and snapping the chess piece out of his mumblings.

Kinger blinked. Once, twice, “Oh Jax.” And once again, he was back to himself, “Apologies, I must have been lost in a dream. But it’s so nice to know you and Pomni were together, young love finds a way.”

Despite the chess piece giving them all a scare, that statement alone made the rabbit and jester blush. Would it be rude if he kicked everyone out and smother his fiancé with attention? Yes, yes it would. And while it was tempting, Jax couldn’t afford to indulge. Not when the giant elephant in the room was still being addressed.

“It is really sweet,” Gangle whispered. It sounded like a genuine compliment from the masked woman – and it was don’t get her wrong – but there was something else lacing her tone. Something else that suggested the bodied ribbons couldn’t be as happy as she wanted to be. But she didn’t say, it wasn’t her place. No one could even tell from that slight lilt in her voice that she felt this way.

But Zooble noticed.

“Okay, still a little confused but I think I’m getting there,” Ragatha finally spoke up again. “Listen, Pomni. You know I trust you whole heartedly, but we’ve been here for years and no one has seen an exit until now, are you sure that what you’ve seen is accurate?”

Pomni’s face fell. Despite the door in front of Ragatha, despite everything she told her, why did the ragdoll still doubt her? “But we told you. The exit door is right there,” Pomni pointed to the door on the wall, desperation filling her eyes. “I know it seems impossible but I really think we can get out of here!”

Ragatha gasped, covering her mouth with guilt at what she said, “Sorry, sorry Pomni I phrased that wrong. It’s just��we’ve all tried looking for a way out and it always backfired, even when we think we’ve gotten so close. I don’t want the same thing to happen to you.”

Pomni opened her mouth, about to speak when-

“Ragatha,” Jax spoke. Everyone’s eyes widened, he never said Ragatha’s actual name, and so seriously either. “We saw her mother. She saw us send out a message to her. She knows we’re alive.” He paused, watching the ragdoll process everything with shock written all over her face. “Someone knows we’re here now. I know you’re scared, but this is a real chance of finally leaving.”

Ragatha’s mouth opened and closed, cutting off words before they even arrived at her lips. She thought she knew everything about the circus, had accepted that no matter how much they tried they could never escape. It was a horrible thing to accept, but she had to if she wanted to stay sane and not end up like…she could still feel herself almost crumbling away when Kaufmo’s abstracted form attacked her. No, no! She can’t lose herself now. She should be grateful that Pomni and Jax managed to find a way to be free, so why did it feel so hard to grasp onto that hope? “Okay,” she sighed. “I trust you, Pomni. But what about Caine, do you think you’ll tell him-”

“NO!” Pomni cut her off, fear swimming in her red and blue eyes. Even everyone seemed shocked by her sudden volume. Jax held her close, hugging her trembling form as the jester took a few breaths to calm herself down. “No, I-I don’t think that’s a good idea. He already had a weird way of trying to make things ‘fun’ here, I don’t know how he’ll feel when we say we’ve found a legitimate exit. What if he tries to take that away?”

The rest of the group nodded slowly. Even before Pomni arrived, Caine had always shut down the possibility of an exit being possible. And every time it was shown to him, he would twist it and prove to them that it was just another part of the circus. It was like he feared an exit even existing.

“It’s just your imagination!” he always said, leaving them to doubt if what they saw was actually there. And if you lost yourself in those thoughts, then it was a one-way trip into the cellar. And nobody wanted that.

“Well in that case…” Ragatha trailed off, closing her eyes for a moment. When they opened, they were fierce and determined. “Keep doing what you’re doing. This actually seems like a true way to finally get out of here. But do not let Caine find out. Keep pretending that everything is the same, you two are just friends, you don’t remember your past and that there is no way an exit is even here.”

“Got it,” Pomni and Jax said in unison.

“Which means that you two should stop acting like a couple whenever you’re in public,” Ragatha stated.

“Oh we know,” Pomni smiled innocently.

“Yeah, it’s not as hard as it seems,” Jax replied cooly.

Ragatha raised a coy brow at the two of them, “Pomni, darling, you’re sitting on Jax’s lap.”

Oh, right, the two of them forgot about that. They were both quick to slip back in to how they used to be before the circus, which meant a lot of trusting physical contact that the two were proud to have developed over the years. But then again, Ragatha was right. Something like that would be extremely obvious to Caine that something was up.

Pomni slid of the rabbit’s lap, rubbing the back of her neck awkwardly while Jax coughed nervously behind his fist. “Right, sorry,” Pomni laughed sheepishly, while Jax pouted at the lack of contact.

Ragatha pinched the bridge of her nose again, this is gonna be a disaster.

Riley paced back and forth in her mother’s living room, her phone held to her ear as she chewed on her fingernail. “Oh god I fucked up, I really fucked up,” she mumbled as the dial buzzed in her ear.

“Riley, sweetie, it’s gonna be okay,” Amber put her hands on her daughter’s shoulders, ceasing her pacing. “If this Samual boy is as nice as you say he is I’m sure he’ll listen to you.”

“I was really awful the last time I saw him, Mom,” Riley winced as she remembered his cries, ignoring him as the elevator doors shut behind her. “And the worst part was, I genuinely believed he was telling the truth. You always told me to trust my gut and I did! With him! But then Jason Wood said stuff that sounded plausible, and I feel so fucking stupid because even my head was screaming at me not to believe him. I didn’t know whether to trust the facts because both of them were laid out to me and I-”

“Hey, hey,” Amber’s voice was soft yet firm. “This isn’t like anything you’ve ever worked on before. We are dealing with something that we didn’t even know existed, and its personal since both Jack and Penny are involved in this. In a normal case, maybe someone like Jason is right about this. But this isn’t a normal case, and we have proof that this Jason guy isn’t to be trusted.”

Riley nodded, “I have to let him know how sorry I am. This kid, he’s been through so much, all I did was make his situation worse. If Jason really treated him like that them…oh god…oh god Mom we really need to help him!”

Amber nodded feverishly. When Riley told her what Samual went through, with his parents going missing and how Jason was like to him whenever they were brought up, all the mother saw was nothing but red. The only time Amber looked like she was ready to kill was with David after the car crash all those years ago, and again when he showed up at both of her daughters’ homes unannounced.

Riley was about to speak when-

“Hello?” Samual’s voice answered through the phone.

“Ah, Samual!” Riley gasped, keeping the phone tight to her ear. “Samual you were right about everything! We couldn’t trust Jason!”

“M-miss Riley?!” His tone was small and frightened, almost trading on eggshells at the sound of her. “What are you talking about?”

Riley only wanted that type of fear from the voices of those who wronged her, not from innocent kids trying to help. She wanted to slap herself in the face for making that mistake, “Samual, you know the emails you showed me? Of the mystery person? The same thing happened to my Mom, my sister, I think she’s trying to get into contact with us.”

There was a small pause on the other line, before the boy spoke meekly, “You…you believe me?”

“Yeah, yeah kid I do,” Riley was nothing short of breathless. The last twenty-four hours have been nothing but a blur. But the way she spoke to him, at the height of her anger. Even if this situation wasn’t real, she shouldn’t have spoke to a hurting kid like that. “Samual, I owe you an apology.”

“Oh no, you don’t need to-”

“Samual, please,” she gently cut him off. “The way I spoke to you was nothing short of cold and rude. I was in a bad place and me and my family have gone through so much pain, but that’s no excuse and I should never have taken my anger out on you. I’m so sorry Samual.”

There was a pause, Riley waited with bated breath. Mere seconds felt agonisingly long until Samual finally answered, “I forgive you.”

Riley felt her lungs fill with air, finally letting herself breathe, “Really?”

“Yeah, I get it. Jason has a history of getting people to believe his stories,” Samual said. “I don’t blame you. And now I’m guessing we have more proof that he’s lying?”

“That’s right,” Riley confirmed, “Are you free to come check it out?”

“I’ll be there as quick as I can,” Samual’s excited and curious tone returned. “I can’t wait to get started on our secret FBI work!”

The line cut off before Riley could say another word. She grinned, shaking her head.

He forgave her.

“I’m guessing it went well?” Amber asked, her own smile gracing her lips.

Riley nodded, relief washing over her again and again, “We might actually be getting somewhere.”

Amber faltered a little. For a while, she was starting to lose hope that she would ever truly hear those words. But somehow, mercy was gifted to her and her family. “We’re gonna find her,” she stated firmly to her eldest daughter “We’re gonna get Penny back.”

“We will Mom,” Riley agreed, “We will.”

Yes the option to not go on Caine’s adventure was always available, but it didn’t mean that the ringmaster was too happy whenever someone decided to stay behind. Right now, Zooble was idly walking down one of the hallways on the tent, kicking their foot against the carpet a few times. Ironically enough, Zooble wasn’t the first and only one who volunteered to stay behind for the day. Nope, it was Gangle who asked first.

Normally the ribboned lady wouldn’t mind tagging along on an adventure with everyone else, but today she turned away at the offer trudging back into the circus. Zooble had instantly recognised that it wasn’t Gangle’s usual behaviour and decided to stay back too. He would deal with Caine’s shenanigans once the pair of dentures came back with the rest of the crew.

Zooble paced up and down the hallway, the day was nearly up but she hadn’t actually worked up the courage to see if Gangle was okay. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to, but Gangle was one of the sweetest and sensitive people here. Zooble cherished the fact that someone like her wanted to be friends with someone like him, to the point that they even got a bit nervous when talking with her one on one. But right now, there was something obviously wrong with Gangle and Zooble made the choice to stay behind to make sure that she didn’t feel less alone. Yet here she was, keeping a distance from the masked lady because he was nothing but afraid.

But then they stopped. When he was in the gloink hole, Gangle was the only one to realise he was missing, even being brave enough to try and bring her back. It would be selfish of Zooble to not at least try to comfort the girl and see if she was okay. Swallowing both his fears and pride, Zooble marched themselves down the hall to find Gangle.

He found her sitting on the stage, her silk legs drawn up to her chest as she sighed to herself, her comedy mask was once again broken and she had to rely on her secondary, sombre one instead. Under Zooble’s stoic expression, she was absolutely terrified. They didn’t know why, Gangle was their friend. Why did they feel afraid to start a conversation alone with a friend. Their sweet…kind…pretty friend. Ah! Pull yourself together! Gangle needs you!

Zooble took a deep breath, he could do this. And so, he walked up to the stage, slipping into their usual and calm posture, “Hey Gangle. No adventure today?”

She jumped a bit at the sound of her name, relaxing when they saw who it was, “No, not today. I wasn’t in the mood.”

“Oh,” Zooble nodded awkwardly. They weren’t really good at the emotional fluffy stuff, every time they tried she somehow always reached a dead end. But he didn’t want Gangle feeling this lonely, he had to at least try and help her out, “Any reason why?”

Gangle rubbed her arm, giving Zooble a sad smile, “It’s okay Zooble. If you have somewhere to be then you can go, you don’t need to stay and talk to me if you don’t want to.”

“No I do!” Zooble said a bit too quickly, making Gangle squeak. “Gah, sorry, sorry! I didn’t mean to sound like that. It’s…ugh how does Ragatha do this so easily?” They closed their eyes for a moment, breathing deeply before opening them again. “I’m here because I want to be. And I’m always willing to lend an ear if you need to talk. Gangle, if there’s anything you wanna say or do, I’m here.”

The ribboned woman seemed to be taken aback by that, not fully expecting that level of support from the usual reclusive assortment of parts. But she wasn’t complaining, she liked seeing this side of Zooble. “Well, it’s just…” she started, fiddling with the ends of her ribbons for a moment. “I’m happy that Pomni and Jax have their memories back, really I am. And it really is sweet that they used to be together, but…”

“But?” Zooble asked.

“…Jax has done nothing but torment us, prank us and make our lives miserable,” Gangle spoke. “Every day, he’s done nothing but go out of his way to annoy us just because he likes seeing funny things happen to people. And now he has his memories back and we’re suddenly happy for him?! After all he put us through. As if it erases everything he did to us! With Pomni, I’m glad that she remembers who she was. She was so scared when she got here and Caine has done nothing to help her, so it’s good finally seeing her smile. But with Jax? It might be wrong for me to say but it doesn’t seem fair! We’ve been trying everything to remember who we were, all the while he laughed at us for doing so! Like he hadn’t tried doing so in the first place as well yet he still made fun of us! And now he gets them back just like that! I wanna remember! I tried so hard to! Yet he berated me for trying and he-”

She covered her mouth, ashamed. She said too much. “Oh gosh, that’s horrible what I just said!” her eyes darted round the area. “I need to find my comedy mask, that why I’ll stop talking like this and be happy! Where is it? I swore I had it here somewhere, it’s not broken. Oh god, what if it is?! No, no, no! I need my comedy mask! I need it! I wanna stop feeling like this!”

“Gangle! You’re okay!” Zooble quickly caught Gangle’s flailing hands in theirs, holding them firmly yet gently. “You’re not a horrible person for saying that and I get what you’re trying to say. I know you don’t mean anything bad by it and I understand your frustration. Am I glad that bozo has his memories back, sure. But it doesn’t mean that I forgave and forgot all that he put us through, and you don’t need to either. If someone as weird as Jax can get his memories back, then someone as amazing as you can get yours back too.”

Gangle lips parted for a moment, speechless at the honesty in Zooble’s tone. “Y-you think I’m amazing?” she whispered.

Zooble’s voice got caught in her throat, her entire face flustering up as she removed his hands from Gangle’s. “Well, yeah,” they replied nonchalantly. “You don’t overwhelm me like Caine or annoy me like Jax. Plus I like your acts you put on.”

Gangle practically beamed at that, “You like my acts?”

“Hehe, of course,” Zooble’s eyes gleamed. “You got a real talent for that.”

The masked lady giggled, “You know, for someone who doesn’t think they’re good at soft stuff, I think you did a pretty great job with talking to me.”

“Oh,” Zooble blushed, clearing their throat before mumbling, “Thank you. And your comedy mask, you wanna leave it or…”

“No I can’t leave it,” Gangle quickly told her. “Everything just gets too much in here, I need my mask to make it easier, to make me happier. That way I won’t bring everyone down and I’ll be as happy as I need to be.”

Zooble furrowed his brows at Gangle’s statement, “But you don’t bring-”

“Oh, I think I know where it is!” Gangle grinned. “I’ll be back soon! Thank you Zooble!” She then tore off down the hall, all the way back to the bedroom quarters.

“Wait but…” Zooble reached out an arm to her, but Gangle was already gone. “But you don’t need your mask to be happy.”

They sighed. They had seen Gangle smile without the mask, a real genuine smile that wasn’t forced by some code from the character model forced onto her. If anything, Zooble swore that the mask only made things worse for Gangle, making her rely on it more and more. Zooble wished to see that real smile again.

Their train of thought was interrupted by the sound of a group of voices, tired and groaning. She turned, looks like the adventure was over for today. “Jeez, what happened to you guys?” they asked.

“Football stadium adventure,” Ragatha mumbled, rubbing her lower back. “Turns out when you put four inexperienced players against a group of NPC’s coded with tons of knowledge about it, you tend to face a lot of back pain.”

Zooble hissed through his teeth, “Yikes.”

“But it’s all a part of the adventure!” Caine boomed, making them all jump. “After all! How boring would it be if you didn’t learn at all!”

“You couldn’t at least give us a tutorial?” Jax grumbled. “Was that really too hard for you to do dentures?” He wasn’t really angry for himself. Well, he was. But Pomni had a really hard time on her feet during the whole game, easily being outnumbered and beaten by the NPC’s.

At one point, one of them kicked her in the leg instead of the ball, sending her to the ground. For a moment, Jax had forgotten all about the pretending, tackling the NPC to the ground before checking on his secret fiancé. Thankfully, Caine saw it as Jax thinking they were playing soccer (despite him literally kicking the ball for hours on end) and being a good teammate. Jax had never been more thankful for the AI’s naivety, especially when it gave him a chance to take Pomni to a nursing room and dressing her wound (he wouldn’t forget about how her cheeks turned red when he kissed the side of her bandaged knee).

“Anyhow!” Caine fiddled with his cane before tossing it away, a cartoonish sound effect resonating from where it landed. “I suggest you all rest up! We’ve gotten even more adventures planned for tomorrow and you’ll all need a good feast and rest before that!”

“Oh great, its not as if we heard that line before,” Jax muttered. Pomni crossed her arms over her chest, raising a brow at the rabbit. Jax only grinned, rolling his eyes at the pair of dentures before circling his finger at the temple of his head, clearing stating his opinion of the ringmaster. Pomni scoffed, failing to hide a smile at her fiancé. Jax’s face softened, he’ll never get tired of making her smile.

“I’ll leave everyone to themselves before dinner!” Caine boomed with his usual, yet unsettling, toothy grin. “Take care my superstars!”

Like the same song and dance he had done many times before, the pair of dentures vanished in a puff of smoke. Jax waited a few seconds, making sure that the ringmaster was gone before rushing over to Pomni. “How’s your knee? Does it still hurt?” he asked, brushing his hand over the bandage.

“Yeah Hun I’m okay,” Pomni reassured him, petting behind his ears. “I’m sure it’s just a bruise now with the way things work here.”

His brows furrowed worriedly, “You sure? No more aches?”

“No more aches,” Pomni repeated.

“Good, good,” Jax let his thumb brush over the bandaged skin one more time before standing up. “So, you ready to get back to business.”

Pomni took in a sharp breath, both excitement yet a hint of nerves washing through her, “Yeah, let’s go see my Mom.”

Jax nodded, the two of them going down the hall again, unable to feel the gaze of everyone else’s eyes on them.

“Still having doubts Rags?” Zooble turned to the ragdoll.

“A little bit,” Ragatha nodded, a bit of shame shown on her face. “It’s not that I don’t trust them. I guess I’m just…scared. We never had anything like this. It could go either really well or…” She didn’t want to finish that sentence. She didn’t want to finish that thought! Never before had they tittered on a tight rope so close to collapsing. If this went wrong, then all of them could suffer a fate worse than abstraction. No, no she wasn’t going to think about that. It she was brought down, then so would everyone else. And she wasn’t going to allow herself to act so selfishly, “Never mind, how about I go see if Bubble would like help making dessert?”

Zooble frowned at Ragatha’s shift in mood, “Don’t do that.”

“Do what?” Ragatha questioned innocently.

“You always do that, act like you’re not sad when you are,” Zooble told her. “You’re allowed to not have good days, you know that right?”

“Oh Zooble, you worry too much,” Ragatha patted his arm. “I’m absolutely fine, no bad thoughts in my head whatsoever. Now, I think a pie would do well for dessert for tonight, don’t you think?”

With that, the ragdoll turned on her heel and headed to the kitchen. That was two people in a row that pretended to be happy to Zooble. He hated when that happened, when they forced down any type of negativity in the fear of being abstracted. It wasn’t fair that this threat kept hovering over everyone’s head, and Zooble hated it that Caine didn’t do anything to sooth their worries, instead leaving them to wallow with shallow adventures that they all hated. It was another reason why Zooble felt bitter with Jax, he kept pushing them on the brink every single time while knowing how much they all feared the fate of the cellar, yet he never stopped. Zooble felt frustrated tears at the corners of her eyes, allowing them to fall. The others might be too scared to cry, but they didn’t want to (part of them was glad that Pomni felt the same way as well).

He felt a hand cover her shoulder, rubbing it carefully like a parent would do with their child. Zooble turned his hand, it was Kinger. His eyes didn’t meet theirs, still lost in his own worlds of chaos and insects. Yet his hands moved on their own, as though another part of his mind wanted to reach out and sooth them. Zooble sniffed, if they could smile then he would be smiling at Kinger right there and now. As crazy as it sounded in her head, Kinger somehow seemed to be the sanest of them all.

Knock, knock

Riley rushed to the door, opening it wide as it revealed the startled face of one Samual Abel. “Samual,” she gasped. “Thank you so much for coming! I’m so, so sorry!”

“Miss Riley, it’s okay,” he smiled softly. “I already told you I forgive you.”

“I know, I know,” Riley brushed back some of her red hair. “But you didn’t need to. You could have just accepted my apology and moved on, but you forgave me. Why? The way I spoke to you was awful.”

Samual shrugged, “When I was a kid, my Dad always taught me that forgiveness is a heavy thing. Many people will feign an apology just so they can unburden themselves with forgiveness without actually being sorry. I don’t forgive a lot of people, I don’t think I can forgive some of the people at C&A for lying to me and letting Jason control me, I know that if they said sorry it wouldn’t erase all that happened over the years. But you, you didn’t know. You were tricked and I know that you meant how sorry you were. That’s the difference that my Dad taught me about, I’ll know the right people to forgive and not to bring myself down with the people I don’t choose to give that right to.”

This kid was just too kind, speaking with a wisdom many people who lived longer on this earth lacked, “Your father sounds like a good man.” Not many people have that luck.

“Both he and my mother were great people,” Samual’s eyes were warm, lost in a memory of love and comfort from so many years ago. He blinked them away, his face simple yet determined. “Anyways, you got something to show me?”

Riley nodded, slipping back into business, “Yeah, let me introduce you to my Mom. She’s the one who got the messages.”

She led Samual into the house, shutting the door behind him. Amber came into the room, her hands clasped together and a cardigan wrapped around her shoulders. “Oh, hello,” she blinked in surprise at the sight of the boy. She turned to Riley, “Is this Samual?”

“Yeah, this is him,” Riley confirmed.

“Hi, it’s so nice to meet you,” Amber walked over, wrapping her arms around him, his eyes widening in surprise. “Riley told me what happened, I’m so sorry all this happened to you.”

He stood frozen for a moment, as though he wasn’t used to someone wanting to hug him back. But his arms wrapped tight around Amber like Riley expected, burying his face into her shoulder. He was shaking a bit, she couldn’t hear any sobs but Riley was certain that the kid hadn’t received this level in security in a while. Hopefully with how things were going so far, that would change soon enough. Soon, Samual pulled away, trying to still his shaking hands. “Right, so,” he took a step back, his hands shoved into his pockets. “Ready to get to work?”

Amber nodded, grinning, “This way.” She guided him to the sofa, letting him sit down as the computer switched on next to him. “It was so bizarre. I’m not sure what your experience was like, all I know from Riley was that you only received messages.”

Samual lifted a brow, “I guess yours had more to it.”

“Yes,” Amber confirmed. “Before I got the messages, all my lights were flickering, like something or…someone was controlling it. That’s when I got these.” Once the computer was up and functioning, Amber clicked onto the documents that held the words from her daughter.

Samual shifted closer, “Yeah, this is certainly…different. I only got emails, but it looks like someone wrote this if it’s on a document.”

“That’s the thing,” Amber turned to him. “I don’t know how but Penny was in this room. I couldn’t see or feel how but she was there, controlling the lights and writing to me.”

Samual’s eyes widened, no disbelief was seen but rather surprise at this new revelation, “Your daughter is trying to communicate with you. She even managed to be here with you somehow.”

“Yes, yes!” Amber exclaimed, grinning. “She was right here in this room.”

“But you said not physically?” Riley asked, her tone curious rather than accusatory. “She managed to speak to you but her body wasn’t here?”

“Unfortunately,” Amber’s face fell slightly.

“So wherever she is, she’s still trapped,” Riley sighed.

Samual got up, facing the two women, “But it doesn’t seem impossible to find her. If she managed to get here the first time than its possible that she could come back.”

Riley bit her lip, “But how would we know?”

“Riley’s right,” Amber agreed. “I might have spoken to her then but I don’t know how to get in contact with her again-”

The lamp flickered, the trio’s attention focused in on it. “I’m guessing that wasn’t my eyes playing tricks on me?” Riley observed, her toes curling at the thought of who she hoped it was.

“Nope,” Amber’s grin returned, whipping back round to the computer. “Penny, is that you baby?”

Hey Mom

I’m back

Riley’s hands covered her mouth, her knees dropping to the ground, “Penny? Is that really you?”

Unbeknownst to Riley, Pomni had done the same thing. Matching her sister as she tried to stifle a sob, “Hey Jax, do you mind?”

The rabbit chuckled behind her, watching the exchange go down. There were no memory-like pathways this time, just a simple walk through the door and they arrived right back in the living room, “Yeah babe, I got it.”

She’s here, she just got a little overwhelmed seeing you all again

Hi Mrs Reed

It’s good to see you again

Amber brows furrowed in confusion for a moment before realisation struck. There was only one other person that she knew who disappeared the way her youngest daughter did, “Jack?”

Yup, that’s me

Hope you’re not too disappointed

The older woman let out a breathless laugh, about to reply with how happy she was to see him…until she was interrupted by another voice, “YOU SON OF A BITCH!”

Jax’s ears pressed flat against his head as Riley stood from the ground, fury written all over her face. Pomni, Amber and Samual had to take a few steps away from the raging woman.

“YOU TELL MY SISTER THAT YOU DON’T WANT TO MARRY HER AND TRY TO MOVE AWAY ON THE DAY OF YOUR WEDDING! WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU!” Riley screamed loudly. “YOU’RE SO LUCKY I CAN’T SEE YOU OTHERWISE I WOULD RIP OFF BOTH YOUR ARMS AND LEGS AND FEED THEM TO WOLVES WHILE WATCHING YOU BLEED OUT!”

Jax gulped, he should have known this was coming. After all he heard from Winter how Riley slammed someone’s head against a table just because they looked at Penny funny, if he wasn’t in the circus he would be on a missing poster by now. He took a deep breath, typing away on the keyboard.

You’re allowed to be angry

Furious

What I did was unforgivable and I understand if you won’t forgive me

But please understand then when I say sorry, I mean it

I’m so sorry Riley

For hurting your sister the way I did

For everything

Riley crossed her arms as she scowled, letting herself think long and hard about it, emphasise on long (she wanted to make him suffer at least a little bit). Jack was an asshole for what he did, but she knew what he went through as a kid and how hard he tried to make things right both for himself and for everyone else. She looked to Samual, the boy giving her a smile and a thumbs up before she turned back with a sigh, “Thank you for your apology.”

Jax’s stomach did a flip. There was a thank you, but no forgiveness. It was expected, a bit disappointing, but also a good start.

You’re welcome

Riley’s face turned soft again, shifting her feet on the rug below her, “Penny, are you…can you speak to me?”

Pomni clenched her hands, grinning and trembling with excitement as she rushed over to the computer.

Hey Riles

Please don’t kill Jack when we get back

Riley sniffed, wiping a stray tear from her cheek, “I’ll try not to, but I’ll do it for you Pen. Oh my god I missed you so much.”

Pomni bit back her sob, if she missed her mother so much already, then the weight of missing Riley hit like a bag of bricks.

I missed you too

You’re making me cry Riles

“I can’t help it,” Riley laughed. “You’ve been gone for three months.”

I know

You have no idea how much I wanna hug you all – Penny (did that so you can tell who you’re talking to)

Jax hummed, amused by her quick choice, “Smart.”

She gave the rabbit a quick grin before she turned her gaze to the boy in the living room, tilting her head curiously.

Who’s that guy?

Jax followed her gaze, letting out a small gasp of realisation at who it was, “Samual Abel?!”

“Wait, you mean-?” she realised now who he was talking about.

“Penny, Jack,” Riley walked over to the boy. “This is Samual Abel, son of Kaleb and Quinn Abel. He’s gonna be helping us get you home.”

“Uh, yeah,” Samual replied nervously. “Hi again Mister Jack, nice to meet you Miss Penny. Um, I’m really sorry I couldn’t do more for you when Jason came up to you that day Jack.”

Jax frowned as his fingers reach for the keyboard again.

It was nobody’s fault but my own kid

I was the one who took up Jason’s offer

Don’t beat yourself up about it – Jack

“Copycat,” Pomni stuck her tongue out at him.

Jax chuckled, “Couldn’t help it little lady,”

“But I should have done something!” Samual stood so fast it nearly gave him whiplash. “Jason always does this! He knows it’s dangerous when people touch that stupid game! The moment he said where he was sending you I knew what job he was talking about! I could have stopped all this!”

Riley faced the boy, confused, “Game? What game?”

“That fucking game!” he cursed. “It’s been the root of all of our problems yet he never got rid of it! It started small with people disappearing in the company with headsets left behind, but then it started spreading somehow to the public! And now we lost the file! It keeps jumping from place to place and we can never catch it! All because Jason was too stubborn to get rid of it!”

“Sam, Sam, hey,” Riley clicked her fingers in front of his face, his attention solely focused on her. “What game are you talking about.”

Samual’s buried his face into his hands, a stressed groan leaving his mouth, “It was supposed to be a VR remake of the first game my dad made, but Jason kept making too many shaky choices with it. Then my parents disappeared. I hate that game… ‘The Amazing Digital Circus’.”

Pomni gasped, “That was the game I saw when I tried to find you!” She turned to Jax, “We’re stuck inside the game!”

“I-I remember!” Jax clenched his hands. “When I disappeared! That was the file I saw!”

It fell on deaf ears. “The reason why Jason wanted to send Jack away was because that was where the last person went missing, the last time we saw the file,” Samual told them. “He wanted to send Jack there as a way to retrieve the file and get back to working on the game again, even if he knew it wasn’t safe. Unfortunately the file routed its way back to this city and took Jack with him.”

“And then it took Penny,” Amber whispered.

“Okay,” Riley gathered herself, her mind settling back into business. “Jason sent Jack away and lied to everyone for all these years. That wasn’t your fault Samual.”

“But I-” he tried to speak.

“You told me that whenever you tried to speak up to talk to someone then Jason would get in the way and scare you into stopping,” she stated firmly. “Don’t blame yourself because a grown man was enough of a coward to bully a child.”

He looked like he was about to retort, but a stern glare from Riley was all that he needed to heed what she said, “Ok Miss Riley.”

“Next,” she moved on. “What should be our second course of action.”

Pomni quickly moved back to the computer.

No one else in the circus has their memories

Is there a way we can try and help them get them back? – Penny

“Oh, oh wait!” Samual piped up, an idea bright in his mind. “I overheard Jason talking about this. He has USB files of each person that went missing, including their past leading up to this point.”

“You overhear a lot of stuff kid,” Riley crossed her arms. “I didn’t mean that as a criticism, just observing.”

“Hehe, well, when you’ve been isolated from everyone and everything all your life you tend to get a bit bored,” Samual replied with a wry smile. “Case in point, eavesdropping on the guy you’re suspicious off in order to gather information.”

“So if we get the USB files and hook them into this computer,” Amber started to catch on.

“It could help get their memories back,” Samual finished. “I’ll get to see if my parents are there!”

“This is amazing!” Amber cheered. “Well, not fully amazing because their all still stuck but we’re getting somewhere. Oh wait till Winter hears about Jack being alive!”

A wide grin appeared on Jax’s face. Winter, his sister, he could finally see her again! Reassure her that he was alive-

“-Wait! No, no!” Riley quickly interjected, making everyone become quickly confused at her sudden outburst. “We can’t tell Winter, not yet at least.”

Amber blinked in surprise, “Honey, she’s your wife. She’s been missing Jack for so long, she needs to know the truth.”

Pomni watched as Jax’s ear twitch, a slight scowl was on his face. He didn’t like this one bit.

“I know that,” Riley said. “But you weren’t there when Jack was gone. She went nearly catatonic, unable to move, speak or eat. The devastation of losing him for so long nearly broke her. We nearly lost Percy in birth because of the impact. I…I can’t risk that happening again.”

A slow, angered breath released through Jax’s nose as he started to type again.

This is a mistake Riley

Winter deserves to know

You can’t keep this from her – Jack

Riley shook her head, “I’m doing this to protect her. It’s for her own good Jack.”

He wasn’t convinced, turning away from her. Riley shouldn’t have to make that choice for Winter, it wasn’t fair! She needed to know, not be kept in the dark!

Pomni patted his hand softly as she went to the keyboard.

But he’s right Riley – Penny

“I’ll tell her eventually,” Riley reassured everyone. “J-just not now, until I know for sure that everything will be fine.”

Pomni sighed. Riley was as stubborn as they came, there was no changing her mind with this.

Both rabbit and jester jumped when they heard the dinner bell ringing from outside the exit door. It was time to go.

We have to leave

You better know what you’re doing Riley – Penny

“What? But you just came back!” Riley cried.

Amber put a hand on her daughter’s shoulder, “Don’t worry. If this interaction has proved anything, they’ll be back.”

Riley was unconvinced, but if there was anyone she trusted more than anything, it was her mother. “Ok,” she nodded, “Just…please be safe Penny.”

I will

And like that, both rabbit and jester rushed out the door. They were able to make it on dinner on time, and Caine was none the wiser about what happened. But despite the feast laid out in front of him, everything that Riley said left a bitter taste in Jax’s mouth. After Penny, Winter was the one he was closest to out of anyone in his life. He might not have been the greatest person, but Winter was the furthest thing from bad. She was the reason that he started to believe that good things could happen in his life, and now Riley was refusing to tell her that he was here and alive.

It felt so wrong.

Pomni’s hand was on his leg, still yet reassuring. It was a silent confirmation that she was on his side about this. He laid his hand atop hers, making sure it was out of Caine’s sight. He squeezed it, hopefully things would be okay…they had to be.

“Riley…”

Black, everything was black.

“Riley…”

It was like she was stuck in inky tar, unable to move her feet, stuck in the black substance.

“Riley.”

She looked up, the redhead gasped as she saw one very familiar, visible figure.

“Penny?” Riley’s voice sounded louder in her ears.

The brunette was wearing the same outfit Riley had last seen her in, a plain white T-shirt and grey leggings. Though it looked dirtier than she last remembered, and why were her eyes shut?

“Why did you leave me?” Penny’s voice echoed.

Riley was startled by the sudden statement, “What?”

“You’re my big sister,” Penny mumbled. “You’re supposed to protect me…yet you didn’t.”

“No, Penny I didn’t mean for you to get trapped!” Riley yelled out for her. “I’m doing everything I can to bring you home!”

“You said you would always be there for me,” Penny whispered back. “You said that no matter what happens I would be safe if you were there…but you weren’t…you didn’t save me…you’re a liar.”

“I’m so sorry Penny,” Riley sobbed, hands on her leg as she tried to pull them out, but to no avail. “I’m really sorry!”

“Liar,” Penny repeated.

“Liar!”

“LIAR!”

“L̷̩͚̯̲̖͖̙͔̹̬̮͉̲̝̑̊̀́ͅỈ̸̢̹̝̝͓͔̟̠̌́́̆͝Á̵̬͎͛̐̑̔̃̈́̓R̶̳̪̩̹̳̬̻̜̫͇̓̏̀͐͒͂̚͠͝͝”

Riley gasped, trying to run but she was frozen solid in the ink. Suddenly, the darkness was replaced by thousands of multicoloured eyes staring at her as Penny drew closer.

The brunette grabbed Riley by the collar of her shirt. It was nothing but silence.

Then her eyes opened.

Riley screamed when she saw that they were as hollow and black as the ink.

Penny opened her mouth again, the same ink leaking out from her lips as she screeched one more time.

Ļ̷̨̛͚̙̭̖̩̥̝͇̮̻̼͍͎̗͉͍̦͖̹͎͔͈̞̰̟̯̩̝̠̻̫͕̱̝̎͊̽̈́̇̀͊̄̑͋̅͊̔̄͒̃̀͌̈́̏̈͆͐̋̓͐̾͛̊̈́̈́́̏̋̀̄̏̈̚̚͘͘̕̕͠ͅÌ̶̧̧̧̛̛̪͔̝͚̫͎̝̬͈̺̫̭̱̞̹͖̞̹̳̻͖̫͉̋̓͋̈́̓͂͗͐̈́̐̈͐̒͗͆̏͛̈̏͌͗͑̈́̐͐̔̂̊͊́͆͆̒̓̾̀̀̾͘̚̕̕̚͜͝ͅͅA̷̢̧̛̛̻̳̞̬̟͇̟̟͉͔̻̻͙̩̣͈̖̘͙̪̱͎̰͙̝͚̣͈̓͒̎͛̆̓̋͌̅̈́͂̏̎̈́̅̍̈̈́̆̕͜͝͠͝ͅR̴̡͈̞͔̮̻̩͋͂͑̚ͅ

Riley awoke with a scream tearing from her throat, her hands fisting the bed sheets beneath her. She failed her, she failed Penny, she couldn’t save her, she was nothing but a failure-

“Riley, Riley!” Winter reached out, taking her wife’s hands in hers. “It’s okay, see, everything is ok.”

Riley was still trembling, tears streaming down her cheeks.

“Breathe with me babe,” Winter told her, taking deep breaths in and out again. Riley gulped down a sob, repeating her wife’s pattern. Eventually, she breath was even again and she was calm enough to see her surroundings. There was no ink, no eyes. She was in her bedroom with Winter as the other woman turned the lamp on beside the bed. “It’s okay, it was just a nightmare.”

She was about to bring Riley back into her arms, before the redhead pulled away and stood up, ��Sorry I didn’t mean to wake you. I’ll go sleep in the guest room, to let you rest before work.”

“No, wait, Riley!” Winter shouted as her partner gathered up her pillow and a spare blanket. “I just wanna talk, you don’t have to do this.”

“I want to get some sleep before work, alright? Conversation over,” Riley stated, gathering what she needed in her arms before marching to the door.

“Riley enough!” Winter yelled, making Riley freeze in her tracks still facing the door. “We can’t keep doing this.”

“Doing what?” she retorted bitterly.

“You avoiding me,” Winter told her. “Especially when you’re hurting. You can’t keep pretending that I don’t exist just because you’re too scared to talk about Penny.”

Riley bit her tongue, nearly drawing blood, “I’m not scared Winter. Stop it.”

“Where were you last night?” Winter questioned, unrelenting. “Yesterday you wouldn’t answer your phone after I tried calling you for hours. Where were you?”

Riley couldn’t say, she couldn’t. If Winter was told about Jack, she feared about what could happen. She still remembered Winter’s pale face, nearly slipping in and out of consciousness during Percy’s C-section. She nearly lost both her wife and her son that day. She couldn’t tell her, it’s for her own good.

“My mom’s house, my phone was on silent,” she said, her voice void of emotion. “I’m tired.”

She slammed the door behind her, leaving Winter all alone. The black-haired woman brought her knees to her chest, too exhausted to cry. Too tired to keep having these moments with Riley. She would give anything just to have her wife back.

“Well good morning little lady,” Jax bowed as he walked out of his room the next morning. “And how was your sleep last night?”

“Aren’t we supposed to be subtle?” Pomni placed her hands on her hips. “Cause as far as I can’t tell, I don’t think this is what it’s supposed to be.”

“But it made you smile, right?” he smirked.

Pomni blushed, he was right, she was smiling, “Shut up.”

He chuckled, nudging his head to the direction down the hallway, “Hungry?”

“Yeah, I could eat,” Pomni nodded. She was about to walk beside him when she noticed something in the corner of a door from one of the past circus members. She cocked her head to the side as she inspected it further.

Jax paused in his tracks when he noticed that his fiancé wasn’t next to him, “Pen?” He saw her staring at the door of an old string-worm character, coming up behind her carefully so he wouldn’t spook her. “What is it?”

“Do you see that?” she inquired.

“See what?” he asked.

She pointed to the corner, “That.”

Jax’s eyes squinted as he followed her fingers, they widened when they finally noticed what Pomni was talking about. The corner was glitching, similar to how Ragatha was when Kaufmo attacked her on the jester’s first day. “How is this possible?” Pomni observed.

“I…I don’t know,” Jax replied honestly. “I don’t think we’ve seen anything like this.”

Suddenly, the glitch sparked wildly and loudly, making them jump back in surprise. It started to spread across the door, erasing the face of the string worm with its flashing colours. Jax held Pomni protectively, guiding her away from the door as they stepped away slowly. They watched as little by little, it swallowed up the door, before disappearing entirely.

Both of them panted in surprise, this wasn’t good. It wasn’t good at all. “I think we need to hurry with our escape plan,” Pomni told the rabbit holding her.

“Agreed,” Jax nodded. “We’re on a timer Pomni.”

“The question is how long do we have?” her voice shook slightly, gripping onto him.

“Long enough for us to get out of here,” he told her, reassurance in his voice. “That much I know.”

“O-okay,” Pomni hated that she was stuttering, but the sudden fright of what happened didn’t seem to be letting go of her anytime soon.

“Come on, let’s get downstairs before Caine tries to find us,” Jax stood, holding out his hand and helping up the jester.

While the two walked down the hallway, they couldn’t ignore the sinking feeling of what just happened. Did they really not have enough time? Was it just another strange part of this world?

Those questions rung through their mind as they walked down the hall, unaware of a second little glitch behind them in another little corner of the hall.

#the amazing digital circus #jax #pomni #pomnijax #funnybunny #ragatha #gangle #kinger #zooble #caine #bubble #my writing #dragon rambles #fanfiction #fanfic #ao3 #jax x pomni #pomni x jax #jaxni

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awooghan · 2 years ago

Text

24 to 25 ✧.* y.ji (part one)

❄ PAIRING: jeongin x fem!reader

❄ GENRE: fluff, angst, childhood friends to lovers, christmas

❄ WARNINGS: mild language, mentions of food, long as hell, i put the ‘slow’ in slowburn (in my defense this trope does not work without it), i’ve checked like 1922847473 times for inconsistencies but if there are any pls be nice it’s my first long fic ;w;

❄ WORD COUNT: 47.7k (part one: 25.9k; part two: 21.8k) i'm so sorry

❄ SUMMARY: “stay for christmas?” was a phrase jeongin first uttered to you when you were both ten years old, but you had no idea how much those three little words would mean to you as the years go by. (inspired by “24 to 25” by stray kids)

❄ NOTES: IT’S FINALLY UP!! i’m so sorry for the wait, i really really wanted to get this right and it took me wayyy longer than i thought it would. but i love how it turned out and i'm so proud of it. i hope y’all enjoy :’)

i’ll include more to the note when i'm not in such a rush to get this posted but tysm to everyone who helped me in writing it! @crispy-chan jas thank you for beta reading (i’m so sorry it was so long) your comments were really sweet and really reassured me that i was doing okay <3 thank u @pearleechai and @gloseoks for helping me out with that one part i got stuck on for like a week lmaooo. to parker specifically, ty for all ur help and encouragement in the couple chapters i asked for help on :D i’m sorry it meant u had some of the fic spoiled for u tho ;w; lastly, @svtbabies hopie u have been my lifesaver from start to finish w this fic. thank u so so much for planning w me and for the multiple times u saved me from a huge writer’s block. i wouldn’t have been able to complete this without you, so ty for everything <33 also ty for the banner lol

➳ IMPORTANT!!! this fic is so long that i have to split it into two parts. i'd use the legacy editor but i can't toggle btwn the two anymore 😭 i did not intend for it to be this lengthy but anything for childhood friends to lovers i guess

[part one] | part two

network tags: @straykidsland

9 years old. (prologue)

“Come on, Y/N, you can’t cling onto my shirt forever,” your mother urges you with a small chuckle.

You stiffen up in your spot at the edge of the picnic bench, and your eyes bounce between the several children on and around the playground equipment. Mixtures of squeals and cheerful laughter ring above the Christmas song playing from the outdoor speaker your new neighbors, the Choi family, set up. You forgot if it was the one with the son older than you or the son your age, though—you didn’t exactly bother to learn their names when your mother introduced you.

“Go on, Y/N.” Her voice fills your ears again as she gently pushes you off the bench. Speak of the devil.

Shoving your hands in your pockets, you kick the dust with your feet and you keep your gaze cast down on the ground. You didn’t want to socialize—why would you want to make new friends when you had perfectly good ones back in your old neighborhood? Why couldn’t you just go back there? Or just snatch your mother’s dingy old flip phone for a couple minutes to send them a message?

Besides, most of the children here don’t seem like ones you’d be particularly… compatible with. You shouldn’t be one to judge, but the majority of the ones doing laps on the playground equipment couldn’t have been older than five or six. At your big age of nine years old, there’s not much you would have in common with a literal kindergartener. Plus, it seems like they had all formed a friend group of their own, and you’re more than content just watching them chase each other around, gleeful, high-pitched squeals bubbling from their sticky mouths.

Turning your head slightly, you find a group of teenagers sitting around another bench several feet away from all the adults, two of which had their bottoms perched on top of the table as they faced their friends. You would approach them, but just like how you wouldn’t exactly favor befriending the five-year-olds with crayons up their noses, the teenagers likely thought the same of you. Closing your eyes in despair, you groan to yourself and resort to dragging your feet across the dirt.

Why did you even have to move?

As you let out a sigh, you perk up at the fact you could see it in the cold air. It sparks an insurmountable amount of joy for some reason. Perhaps it’s because of the timing of the puff of air with the line, ’Jack Frost nipping at your nose’ that rings from the speakers at the other end of the small neighborhood park, but it causes a giggle to slip past your lips. It’s almost like a new light under the already-dimming sky, the soft pinks and oranges slowly dissipating as the sun begins to dip behind the mountains and give way to the overcast above.

However, you quickly get distracted by the sight of a boy your age—or at least, you assumed—and you hesitantly step closer.

And there he was.

He was short, upside down on the monkey bars, and wearing the most obnoxious shade of purple you had ever laid eyes on. You aren’t sure what hurts more: the sun in your eyes or staring at his sweater.

Looking away from the light gray clouds that hung above the park, you let your gaze fall to the boy. He watches you quietly as he continues to hang upside down, and you notice the small smile that paints his slowly reddening face.

Here goes nothing, you guess.

“Um… hi.”

He stays silent, staring at you with his beady eyes.

Gulping, you continue. “I’m Y/N.”

He mumbles something back, but you can barely make out what he says and you tilt your head slightly in confusion.

“Huh?”

“My name is Jeongin,” he repeats, only the slightest bit louder.

A smile of your own quickly forms on your face. You raise a hand up for him to shake, and he just stares at it for a second before moving one of his outstretched arms to meet you, his hand grasping yours at an awkward angle. You both can’t help but giggle as you give your best attempt at a handshake.

“Nice to meet you, Jeongin,” you say, slowly pulling your hand away and letting his drop above, or rather, below his upside-down head. “I’m Y/N.”

“You said that already,” he says, and his bluntness makes you chuckle.

Slowly, Jeongin maneuvers himself so he’s sitting on top of the monkey bars instead of hanging upside down. Once he gets upright and steadies himself from the blood rushing down from his head, he stares back down at you.

You stuff your hands into your pockets and heave out a sigh. “My mom says I need a friend,” you explain your current plight to Jeongin, and you find his soft gaze once again. It’s strange, really—you’ve only exchanged a few words with this boy, but you already feel comfortable enough to complain about your mother’s nagging to him.

You suppose that helps your next words spill out more easily.

“Want to be friends?”

You watch Jeongin expectantly as he looks down, picking at a piece of lint on his hideous purple sweater. He ponders your question for a minute, and you feel a wave of relief wash over you when he finally nods in response. If your mom wanted you to have a friend so badly, there you go. You got one.

You stand there awkwardly, your eyes drifting back up to the sky for a moment. It occurs to you that you’ve never asked someone to be friends with you; it’s always just kind of happened.

And now you’re stuck, unsure what to do next.

You let out another huff of air, another smile tickling your lips as you watch the faint, white puff form in front of your eyes. Then you look back up at the boy in the obnoxious purple sweater, who seems just as amused by the cold air as you as he lets out his own breath, exhaling like a small dragon.

A chuckle escapes your parted lips as you watch him, kicking his legs lightly as he stares up at the sky. After another minute, you speak again.

“Can I sit up there with you too?”

Nodding his head, he mumbles a small “yeah” and the corners of your mouth twitch up as you hurriedly climb your way up onto the monkey bars. You dangle your legs through the same section as Jeongin’s, and you shift your position slightly as you steady yourself.

A gust of cold air causes you to shiver and as a response, you pull your puffy coat closer to you. This seems to make Jeongin chuckle fondly, and you feel his eyes linger on you for a second before he looks out at the horizon. Neither of you are tall enough to see much above the houses in front of you, but you figure you can use your imaginations to picture what lies beyond that. It’ll have to do.

You both remain silent for a while like this, allowing the chatter and Christmas music below to fill the air around you. It’s comfortable, it feels like a weighted blanket wrapped around your shoulders—which is funny to say because you’re sharing this moment with a kid you’ve barely known for ten minutes. You don’t mind, though. By the looks of it, and the friendly glances you exchange with each other, Jeongin doesn’t seem to, either.

Suddenly, a cold, wet spot falls onto your nose, causing you to gasp and look up.

“Is that…”

Jeongin tilts his head up as well, and he chuckles when another wet drop lands on his face. Meanwhile, you’re in awe. You let your mouth fall open, and your eyes swirl with pure wonderment as you watch the white crystals above you flutter down. It sends chills down your spine, but wraps you up in a cocoon of warmth at the same time.

“Snow…” is all you manage to mumble.

Jeongin turns to you, a small smile tugging at his lips. “Have you never seen snow before?”

You glance at him once, shake your head, and look back up at the sky.

The boy’s jaw drops. It almost mirrors your dazed expression, except his features are twisted in surprise. But it’s true—snow was something you had only witnessed in movies. As far as you were concerned, the fluffy, white particles only ever graced the stop-motion characters on the old-timey Christmas cartoons you rewatched every year, or the main couple in whatever cheesy Hallmark movie your parents decided to indulge in.

That is, until now.

You didn’t know at that moment what type of future you had in store, but you know one thing: the snow is beautiful. And as you follow Jeongin down the monkey bars and to your first snowball fight, you have an inkling that you’ll be sticking with him for a while.

Maybe this move won’t be so bad after all.

10 years old.

You let out a huff of air, letting your chin bore into the palm of your hand. Unfortunately, though, the air inside a school classroom doesn’t allow you to watch it come to life. Sure, you had a heater and the bulky coat your mother gave you to thank for warmth, but at what cost?

No matter how hard you try to focus on the math test that was laid out in front of you, you just can’t. Not when the outside seemed to beckon you like a siren, begging you to come out and indulge in the ever-approaching Christmas atmosphere.

It’s all tempting. So, so tempting. Everything else seemed to be falling into place—the air has started to get colder, Christmas music has been playing 24/7 in the stores since November, you’ve worn every ugly Christmas sweater you could get your hands on at least once in the last two weeks, and you’ve begged your mom for a cup of hot chocolate every chance you could get.

Now you just need it to snow, and you need it badly.

After you scribble a random answer for the question you’ve been stuck on for five minutes, you throw your pen onto the table and lean back in your hard, plastic chair in defeat. This was too much mental torture, espically when you could hear Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer faintly playing in another room.

You can’t take it anymore.

Hopelessly, you stare at Jeongin, who somehow sleeps peacefully next to you. You’re sure he’s been asleep since he sat down in his chair. His head lays on his arm, which is covered by his purple sleeve. You snicker at the sight and pray that one day he grows out of that abomination of a sweater.

Your eyes drift back to your stupid math test, silently praying again that the torture won’t last for much longer. You were just one step away from greasy pizza and store-bought sugar cookies until your stomach hurt while The Polar Express filled the dim room. Well, one step away is technically two more questions, but it still feels so far.

You begrudgingly answer one of the questions then slump back into your seat, burying your head in your arms. You’re so close to freedom, but you still feel held captive by the test, like it’s shackled your arms and legs to your desk while Rudolph down the hall taunts you, dangling the coveted Christmas cheer over your head.

You don’t even care if you get the questions right anymore. You just scribble down some scratch work that seems somewhat coherent and circle whatever answer is closest then shove your test in your teacher’s hands, eager to get that nasty piece of paper away from you. Then you’re left to wait… and wait… and wait.

It’s unfair. You weren’t meant to be doing a math test the last day before winter break. You weren’t built to be suffering silently at your desk because some people didn’t know how to do long division. (Well, neither do you, but that’s besides the point.)

But nevertheless, you wait… and wait… and wait.

And then, finally, the last student turns in their paper.

The second the teacher plops the pile of tests on her desk, you practically spring up from your seat. You revel in the sweet, sweet freedom, but although your classmates seem just as relieved, they also seem painfully slow. That might also just be all the candy from your teacher’s goody bag pumping through your veins, but it made no difference to you.

Acting as self-appointed leader, you hastily motion for other kids in your class to move the tables to either side of the room, forming a sort of tetris with the desks, while others line trays of food across them. The pizzas are laid out next to different bowls of chips and festive little chocolates in the shapes of snowflakes and snowmen. Small Christmas-themed cups sit at the end of the table with giant bottles of bright, sugary drinks for you to choose from. Like, the ones that are bigger than your face. That’s how you know it’s good.

Hushed whispers of excitement make their way around the classroom as everyone settles down, wrapping themselves in the blankets they had brought to school for today. You take a seat next to Jeongin on the carpet right as the teacher switches the projector on, placing your paper plate filled to the brim with junk food in between you two as you get comfortable.

“How many cookies did you grab?!” Jeongin gawks, marveling at the sight. Whether it’s from amazement or concern is unclear.

You smile smugly at him. The light from the projector as your teacher sets up The Polar Express illuminates his baffled stare. “Not enough.”

He blinks once. “We’re not gonna split it?”

You giggle and push the plate closer to Jeongin, but not without swiping a Santa-shaped cookie from the pile. “I never said we weren’t.”

Jeongin just laughs at you and shakes his head, but the fact that he takes not one, not two, but three cookies from the plate tells you he’s just as excited as you. He attempts to remain nonchalant, though, as he wordlessly pushes a plate stacked with pizza towards you.

Grinning at him, you pick up a slice, the grease glinting in the low light. “Thanks,” you mumble as you take a bite.

Rolling his eyes, he continues to laugh. “Don’t mention it.”

There’s something about being next to Jeongin as you watch The Polar Express together, fluffy throw blankets draped around your outstretched legs that catch the crumbs from the snacks you two share, that brings you a sense of comfort. Excitement courses through your body, but somehow, you also feel oddly at peace.

It even seems to transport you to another world, and you forget you had even painstakingly suffered through a math test leading up to this in the first place. Eventually, your mind stops paying attention to the movie—it’s okay, though, because you practically know the story front to back. Instead, you find yourself daydreaming about being awoken in the middle of the night like the boy in the movie, and finding yourself on the fantastical train with Jeongin. A small smile decorates your face as you ponder, imagining all the chaos you could get yourselves into as you made the magical journey to the North Pole together.

However, when the other kids start to gasp and point towards the window, you’re brought back to the real world. Looking over to where they were pointing, you’re greeted with a powdery blanket covering the grass outside, and a grin instantly spreads across your face in delight.

Finally. It’s snowing.

You aren’t the only one to jump up from out of your seat in hopes of rushing outside to experience the first snowfall of winter. And you aren’t the first one out of the classroom door either. The calls from your teacher fade into the background like white noise as you scramble out from under your blanket and make a dash for the door as quickly as you can.

“Y/N,” Jeongin calls right before you can run outside, and you turn on your heel.

He speed-walks, then speeds up to an awkward half-jog to where you stand as he digs his hands through his pockets, and you can’t help but chuckle. It takes him until right after he stops in front of you to fish whatever this thing was out. Was it an early Christmas gift? The dreaded cheese touch? You are about to find out.

A crumpled piece of paper falls out of Jeongin’s coat, grazing his hand as he yanks it out of his pocket. He picks it up and unfolds it carefully, squinting at the note.

Leaning over, you peek over his shoulder and furrow your brows as you try to decipher the writing scrawled on. “’Ask Y/N about Christmas’?” You turn your head to the boy. “What about it?”

Jeongin eyes widen for a second as he tries to remember the context of the note. “My parents wanted me to ask if you wanted to…”

You tilt your head. “Wanted to…?” You repeat.

“What was it that they said?” He mumbles to himself. He looks up, his eyebrows furrowed, and then something seems to click. “Was it… stay? Stay for Christmas?”

You blink, watching the boy with inquisitive eyes. “Stay for Christmas?” you question.

“Yeah, stay for Christmas.” He hums, and his voice grows more confident as he continues. “Yeah, that’s what they said to ask!” He’s now grinning, and his movements become more animated. “Yeah! Stay with us for Christmas Eve! You have to come, Y/N, it’s a Christmas sleepover! It’ll be fun!”

You light up like a, well, Christmas tree at the idea. You could already picture the absolute blast you’re going to have. Chasing each other around in your pajamas as Christmas music rings in your ears? Eating the cookies his mom laid out for Santa until you're sick? Finding the jolly man himself? And imagine playing in the snow in the morning after ripping your presents open!

“That sounds so fun!” You squeal, beaming from ear to ear. “I'll have to ask my parents, but I'm sure they'll let me go!”

“Y/N, Jeongin,” your teacher interrupts your enthusiasm, her arm propping the door open. “You can’t stay inside by yourselves, come on!”

“Coming!” you two call back in unison, and then you glance at each other. You catch a mischievous glint in Jeongin’s eyes before he bolts for the door, outstretching his arm in front of you before you can react and outrun him.

“Race ya!”

“Hey!”

…

“Mommmm! Daddddd!” you drawl out, a frown stretched across your face as you bounce on the balls of your feet. Your finger impatiently hovers over the doorbell, and if your parents took any longer to grab… whatever they brought for Jeongin’s parents, you would just mash the white button yourself. Or you’d teleport yourself inside; forget the doorbell entirely.

You follow their movements attentively, your fists balled around your backpack straps and teeth pressed against your tongue to keep yourself from complaining more. You had already gotten an earful in the car, not to mention some confused glances when you mentioned the long-anticipated sleepover you had stayed up until the ungodly hours of 10pm preparing your backpack for. If they thought that was late for a fourth-grader, imagine their horror if they knew of your and Jeongin’s plan to stay up all night and see Santa Claus!

Regardless, you couldn’t pinpoint why your parents raised their eyebrows and snickered at the idea of you sleeping over at Jeongin’s house. Maybe it was the fact that you had your hair messily thrown up into a ponytail and that your light-up Christmas sweatshirt was maybe a size too big—I mean, say what you want, but you’re perfectly dressed for the occasion.

You were sure that was the reason. And certainly not the fact you were practically jumping out of your skin—maybe acting a little bit too excited—to get inside to see your best friend.

Your parents just didn’t understand that this was a pivotal moment. Plus, you’re getting cold. One can only stand outside for so long.

After what felt like hours of waiting, the door finally swings open to reveal Jeongin’s mother, welcoming you and your parents inside. You release your backpack straps from your grip and sprint past your mother, shouting a “Hi, Mrs. Yang!” as you rip your shoes from your feet.

Shaking your backpack off your shoulders, you make a beeline for Jeongin, who puts down his video game controller when you come into view.

“I made it, Jeongin!” you grin from ear to ear, tossing your backpack aside.

“Yay!” he breaks out into a grin and scoots over.

You plop down at the spot next to him, grabbing the spare controller as you watch the mustached man on screen walk right into a brown mushroom and die. And in World 1-1, you may add.

“Let me on! Let’s get this sleepover started!” you mash the ‘A’ button repeatedly, hoping it somehow speeds up Jeongin getting back to the main menu. Oh, were you ready to kick his sorry butt.

Suddenly, you hear bouts of laughter echo from the hallway. You tear your eyes off the screen, finding your and Jeongin’s parents entering the living room. If it weren’t for the wall that your father leaned against, he would have collapsed to the floor from how hard he was laughing.

“Jeongin, you told Y/N there was a sleepover?!” Jeongin’s mother exclaims in between giggles.

Jeongin looks up from his game, his eyebrows drawn together. “Yeah?” He blinks, his voice laced with confusion. “That’s what you said to ask?”

His mom laughs even harder at his reply, her hand over her mouth. “Honey sweet, no!”

Jeongin‘s mouth twists into a frown. He opens his mouth to speak, only to close it again.

Mrs. Yang takes a minute to regain her composure before explaining to the boy, “I meant to ask her to stay for the evening, not the whole night.” She tries to keep a straight face, but another giggle slips out. “There’s no sleepover.”

Jeongin looks down, avoiding eye contact with the four adults laughing at his mix-up as heat rises to his cheeks. Dropping his game controller on his lap, he covers his face with his hands, and lets out a nervous chuckle as his face slowly turns red.

You would’ve been lying if you said you weren’t disappointed that you couldn’t try to see Santa with Jeongin, after all. Despite this loss, you try your best not to laugh at your friend, covering up your giggles with awkward coughs to save Jeongin from more embarrassment. You know both his and your parents will never let him live this down.

And frankly, neither will you.

11 years old.

“You son of a nutcracker!” You cry in unison with Buddy the Elf, your mouth stuffed with an audaciously big chunk of cookie. Maybe you got a bit carried away, but you couldn’t help it if someone was kind enough to bring a platter of fresh-baked cookies to the annual neighborhood Christmas party. It might have been the Choi family—the one with the son your age—which makes sense since they’re hosting the party this year.

Looking up from the gingerbread house he was carefully decorating, Jeongin stares at you with a disgusted frown as you struggle to break down the cookie.

You look back at him innocently, trying not to laugh. “Hi,” you wave, your mouth still full.

Jeongin shakes his head at you. “I worry about you sometimes.”

“You should.” You swallow most of the bite, wincing as you feel it go down.

Gulping down the rest of the cookie, you prop your chin in the palm of your hand as you pull your attention away from the tv and watch Jeongin. He bites his bottom lip lightly, glancing back and forth between the gumdrops and peppermints around the island and the gingerbread house. He squeezes out some icing, poking his tongue out in concentration, and sticks a peppermint window to the food structure.

Smiling at his little creation in progress, you gently poke one of the small candy canes that stand around the house. Jeongin quickly pushes your hand away, letting out a small whine.

You chuckle at his reaction and do it again, and he swats your hand away once more. “Stop itttt~”

You giggle and hold your hands up. “Okayyy, okay.”

You silently follow his movements with your eyes before they flick down to his sweater. It’s hideous, as most holiday sweaters are. The cartoon reindeer with a head too big for its body taunts you, but at the same time it just screams Jeongin. But there is no trace of that obnoxious shade of purple, and you thank whatever deity is above you for it.

Jeongin studies the gingerbread house for a moment, gently turning the brown building around. He takes a yellow gumdrop in his hand and hovers it over a spot on the roof, squinting ever-so-slightly as he imagined how it would look in the final product, whatever he imagined it to be. You stay quiet and just let him go—you know better than to interrupt Jeongin’s creative process.

“What if you did rows of gumdrops on the roof?”

Mrs. Choi, on the other hand, doesn’t know better. The one with the son your age, that is—he tagged along with you and Jeongin for lunch a couple times. What was his name again? Beomgyu, right?

You notice the corners of Jeongin’s mouth twitching downward before he catches himself. “I don’t know,” he says, putting the gumdrop down. “I’ll figure it out.”

Mrs. Choi shrugs and just lingers around, mumbling something about how it reminds her of Hansel and Gretel. You thought she had a point… kind of. You had always heard of the tale of Hansel and Gretel and the house made of candy, but considering it wasn’t much of a Christmas story, you tended to ignore it.

“Oh, that reminds me…” she says to herself after a minute, walking over to the dining table where all the parents sat around. You lean over in your seat and listen closely.

“Beomgyu keeps bugging me about having a sleepover with Jeongin,” Mrs. Choi says as she approaches Jeongin’s mom, her voice carrying over the rest of the chatter enough for you to eavesdrop.

Mrs. Yang nods, a small smile playing at her lips. “That'd be fun for them, when can he come over?”

You blink. It’s… it’s that easy for him?

The two mothers begin talking about schedules or appointments or some other boring adult thing. Whatever it is, you tune it out and turn back to Jeongin, who has opted for an array of different colored gumdrops carefully spread across the roof.

“You’re,” you hesitate, “You’re allowed to sleep over with Beomgyu?”

“Yeah,” Jeongin hums. ”I’ve slept over at his place and he’s been begging to come to mine.”

He chuckles, gluing on another gumdrop, until his words sink in and he fully processes them. His eyes then widen in realization, and he lets the tube of frosting drop from his hand before marching over to his parents.

“Mom,” Jeongin taps on his mom’s shoulder until she turns to him. “Why does Beomgyu get to sleep over but Y/N doesn't?”

You lean over again, hoping to overhear an explanation from Mrs. Yang. All you hear is laughter.

Laughter? That’s it?

You squint as you lean further in their direction, as if squinting would increase the volume of the conversation. All you could observe was a confused look from Mrs. Choi, and a fit of giggles from Mrs. Yang. How helpful.

“Did I ever tell you what happened last year?!” your mom practically shouts to Mrs. Choi, proving your efforts unnecessary.

“Oh my god, you have to hear this! It’s a good one, it’s so cute,” Mrs. Yang gushes, glancing at a flustered Jeongin.

The boy frowns and buries his face in his hands, growing more frustrated. “Mommm!”

A smile tugs at the corner of your lips as your eyes flicker between the now-insanely-embarrassed Jeongin, and his parents’ delight at retelling the account of ‘stay for Christmas’. As Mrs. Yang continued, Jeongin sinks deeper and deeper into himself, and you could practically see a little pinkish-red aura surrounding him.

“And so he tells her…” Mrs. Yang's voice fades into the background when you look out the window and gasp.

Snow.

Before you can register it, your legs are already pushing yourself off the stool, and then you’re running and shoving past other partygoers as you make your way to Jeongin.

“Jeongin.” You tug on his sleeve as you try to get him to move his hands away from his face. However, he swats your hand away.

“Shut up,” he whines.

“No, look,” you try again, tugging more. “It’s snowing!”

Hands instantly falling from his face, he looks out of the window you were motioning at and gasps as well. “Snow.”

Quickly, you glance at Mrs. Yang, making sure she’s still in in-depth story mode before you grab onto Jeongin’s hand and pull him outside into the cold. You shiver lightly as the winter air nips at your nose, but welcome it nonetheless.

“Wanna make a snowman?” you suggest.

Jeongin shrugs.

“Suit yourself.”

Humming to yourself, you squat down at an empty spot and begin to pile some snow together. A small smile decorates your face, perfectly pairing with your rosy cheeks.

I mean, how could you not be happy right now? It’s the first snow of winter. It may be your third first winter, but you swear each one gets more magical than the last. You know Jeongin would agree, no matter how cranky he may be right now.

“That’s like the fifth time my mom’s told that story this month,” the boy huffs after a minute, kicking at the snow in front of him. “It's not even funny anymore. I was a stupid ten-year-old.”

Looking up from the small base of the snowman, you let out a laugh. “I mean… you were ten last year.”

“Y/NNN,” Jeongin whines.

“And it was kinda funny—”

“Y/N!”

You feel a sudden blast of cold hit your side and you let out a yelp, shielding your face with your arms. Gasping, you look back up after a second to Jeongin preparing more ammunition. Suddenly, you’re in the mood to wipe the shi—sorry, poop-eating grin from your best friend’s face. One nice, cold wipe.

“You ass!” you shriek, gasping and covering your mouth once you realize what you had just said. Thank goodness your mom didn’t hear you or she would’ve brought out the bar of soap.

“That’s what you get!” Jeongin cackles back, hurling another snowball your way. This one also hits your coat, splattering into pieces once it collides with your stomach.

“Oh, it’s on!”

12 years old.

The final bell rings across the school to signal the start of winter break. Students of all types make their way out of the main entrance, leaving you and Jeongin in a rather quiet hallway with your locker still open.

Whilst you clear it out, the fruitful voice of Jeongin’s new club buddy fills your ears.

“‘Sup, babies.”

You and Jeongin jump at not only the sudden voice, but also the feeling of an arm going around both your shoulders. A year older than you, Jisung, whom Jeongin had met through the middle school’s anime club, sports round glasses that sit on the bridge of his nose. His hair is a chestnut brown, split right down the middle to frame his face.

Jeongin shrugs Jisung’s arm off of his shoulders, but his other arm stays around you. “How are my favorite underclassmen?” Jisung coos, reaching around to ruffle Jeongin’s hair.

Jeongin jerks his head away from Jisung’s hand, a groan escaping his lips. “You’re never gonna let that go, are you?”

“Nope!” Jisung says, flashing the younger boy a dopey grin.

Chuckling, you duck under Jisung’s arm to grab your backpack as Jeongin scrambles to fix his messy hair. You aren’t sure when or why Jisung started referring to you two as ‘babies' when he was only a year older. He once said something about “taking Jeonginnie under his wing” when you first met him, but that’s the closest thing to an explanation that you got.

Once Jeongin manages to tame his hair, he looks at Jisung with a shimmer in his eye. “Did you pick what we’re going to watch next?” he asks, referring to the next club meeting. It wouldn’t be until after New Year’s, but you figured they’d want to plan ahead now while they’re technically still in school.

“Not yet, but I was thinking of going with a classic,” Jisung muses before turning to you. “You should really join us, Y/N.”

You hum in response, pushing your lips into a line as you ponder it. Of course Jeongin had tried to get you to watch anime with him before, but it was just something you found difficult to get into. “Maybe,” is all you say, mostly to make Jisung happy.

“Yeah! Anyway,” Jisung quickly moves the conversation along, slinging his arms around both your shoulders again and pulling you two closer to him. “What are you guys doing for Christmas? We should do something!” He gleams, glancing back and forth between you two. “With our parents’ permission, of course.”

As Jisung gazes longingly at a dog passing by, yours moves to Jeongin and you giggle at the sight of his cheeks tinting pink. He says nothing, but when he looks up and notices you staring at him, he rolls his eyes.

At the silence, Jisung finally tears his eyes away from the dog, who stops at a street pole for a sniff, and looks between you and Jeongin again. “What's up with you two?” he gulps. “You’re acting weird.”

Jeongin makes a sour face. “You’re acting weird,” he tries to rebut, but he only proves Jisung’s point.

Jisung stops suddenly on the sidewalk. He tilts his head at Jeongin and squints, searching the younger’s face. “What’s going on?”

“Nothing,” Jeongin deadpans, turning his heel to continue the walk home.

“Noooo.” The older boy pulls him back by the hoodie before he can walk away. He gets all up in Jeongin’s face, crossing his arms and furrowing his brows suspiciously. “There’s something going on, isn’t there?”

Nosily, you watch as Jeongin opens his mouth to speak before quickly closing it again. He seems to want to shrink into himself, and you both know why. To his dismay, you find it wholly amusing.

“Baby, come onnnn,” Jisung bounces in place as he chants, “Tell me, tell me, tell me…”

Deciding to ignore the boys’ shenanigans, you look up at the clouds and begin to think about your own plans for Christmas, a small smile forming on your lips.

You’ve always loved the holidays, but after settling into your new neighborhood, it grew on you and swept you off your feet like never before. It’s way more than just the snow—it’s the joy swirling in the air when Christmas music finally begins to play on the radio. It’s the sparkle in the night sky when the whole town shows off their colorful lights. Maybe it’s also the inhuman amount of hot chocolate and sugar cookies coursing through your veins. You’re not hyped up on sugar right now, but Jeongin would be hopelessly shaking his head at you if you were.

It’s way more than just beautiful snow, but it seemed to add a magical touch to Christmas that you never felt in your old neighborhood.

It came like clockwork, too, just like the Christmas party, and you’re eagerly counting the days until both come to life for the first time this season. Especially the Christmas party. Your and Jeongin’s schedules only matched up for lunch this year, and you’re in dire need of some quality time with your best friend.

“Y/N?” Jisung gently shakes your shoulder, interrupting your train of thought.

You blink a few times. “Huh? Yeah?”

“What are your plans for Christmas?”

You look back up at the sky, your lips curving upward again. “I’ll be with my family on Christmas. I'm not doing anything much for Christmas Eve, though,” you say with a giggle, emphasizing the ‘eve’. “It depends.”

Jisung continues to look at you—and Jeongin—with an eyebrow raised. “On what?”

You have to take a breath to try and compose yourself before you continue.

“On—”

“Can’t you let it go?” Jeongin cuts you off with a whine. “It was basically two years ago!”

“‘Cause it was two years ago,” you continue to giggle.

Jisung blinks, trying to figure out this inside joke you two are bickering over, but the poor boy is just as confused as when the conversation started. “What was two years ago?”

“Oh my god, Y/N,” Jeongin grumbles, but it’s hard to take him seriously when he’s failing miserably trying to hide a smile. You just flash your brows at him, and he slides out from under Jisung’s arm and heads straight for you.

A teasing grin grazes your lips, and you gently push Jisung’s arm off of you so you can run away.

“You do this every year!” Jeongin cries out, attempting to reach for your backpack.

“‘Cause it’s funny!” you shout back.

You can feel Jeongin’s fingers brush your shoulders every now and then as he chases after you. Giggles bubble from your throat as you try to make a break for it, tricking him by going the opposite way to where he is. However, he catches on to your attempt to escape and grabs you quickly. His arms wrap securely around you and pull you back as he hugs you, his laughter loud in your ears.

You let out a surprised squeak as you try to wriggle your way out of Jeongin’s grip. “Jeongin, I was kidding, I was kidding!” you cry out in between giggles.

“You always do this!” he giggles too, refusing to let you go.

“I'm sorry! I'm sorry!” you squeal. Tears start to prick your eyes from how hard you’re laughing.

Jeongin lets his arms fall and his lip juts out into a pout. You turn to him and quickly match it.

“Sure, you are,” he mutters, enhancing his frown.

“I mean it, Jeonginnieee.” You lean closer and let your arms slip around him. “I'm sorry.”

He stays stiff for a second before he wraps his arms back around you and smiles. “It's okay.”

A high-pitched squeal from Jisung makes you both jump in surprise and let go of each other. You both stare back at Jisung, who wears a giddy grin stretching from ear to ear. His hands are balled up in tiny fists together, flying up to his mouth as he bounces a little in place.

You blink a few times, stunned to silence for a few seconds before finally speaking. “You okay, Jisung?”

“Y-You… the…” Jisung stammers excitedly before trailing off.

He points between the two of you, then to the sky, and as you both follow his finger, a cold wet drop lands on your cheek, and another on your nose. Jeongin lets out a squeak at one hitting him in the eye, and he scrunches up his face at the impact.

You looked back at Jisung, gesturing upward. “The snow?” you finish his sentence.

The older boy nods eagerly. “Yeah, yeah, the snow!”

You want to smile, you really do—it is the first snow of winter, after all. But it seems like he has a different reason for his exuberance than you do.

You exchange a glance with Jeongin, and he seems just as lost as you are. At this point, you might as well just ask. “What about it?”

Was it because the snow was pretty as it dotted the earth below you? Was it because it marked the start of only the most beautiful time of the year? This could really go any direction.

“You know, like the movies?” He rambles. “When the boy and the girl witness the first snowfall together and…”

Oh no, no, no. Not that direction.

Briskly stepping away from each other, you both frantically shake your heads, the tips of your ears glowing red. Jeongin argues back with a string of flustered protests that you could only nod along to, as you were at a loss for words yourself.

You wonder what was in the snow that had fallen on Jisung to make him think this way. It was insane, he was insane. You and Jeongin? Jisung must’ve gone mad.

Jisung deflates a little, a pout pulling his lips downward. “Aww. That would’ve been cute though.”

You force out a chuckle before continuing your route home. Jisung parts ways somewhere halfway through, but an icky feeling persists in your stomach for the rest of the walk.

It truly baffles you how he saw you and Jeongin having an inside joke, you know, like best friends do, and somehow morphed it into some coupley thing all because of a little snow. The snow is beautiful, of course, but throwing that sappy stuff on top of it? Jisung’s watched way too many movies. And anime. An alarming amount of anime.

“I’ll, um,” Jeongin clears his throat as you both approach your front door. “I’ll see you at the party next week.”

An awkward tension still hangs above you from earlier, but you manage to muster a small smile. “Yeah. See you then.”

He smiles back and gives you a little wave before he begins the five-minute walk to his house. But before you knock on your door…

“Wait!” you blurt and reach out for him. You wrap your fingers around Jeongin’s wrist, prompting him to turn around.

“Yeah?”

“That, um, that thing Jisung was saying,” you hesitate, stumbling over your words. You force out another chuckle in hopes to relieve the tension that’s making your stomach twist into knots. “That’s— that’s not gonna happen to us… right?”

Jeongin lets out a scoff, waving you off reassuringly. “Of course not, Jisung’s just being Jisung.” He smiles a little. “We’re best friends, remember?”

His words fill you with relief, and you smile back. “Yeah. The bestest of friends.”

“That’s not a word.”

“You know what I mean, Jeongin.” You chuckle genuinely this time as you roll your eyes, turning back to your front door. “I’ll see you at the party.”

It’s ridiculous that you have to even ask, but apparently it’s necessary. You’re just lucky Jisung listened to Jeongin in the end, or this whole shipping fiasco would’ve been much more difficult than it needed to be.

Especially since several of your classmates who witnessed the interaction in front of the school parking lot actually seemed to believe it.

13 years old.

You nibble at your bottom lip and run one hand up and down your forearm. Jisung has been glaring rather unamused daggers at you for five minutes now, his round eyes perpetually locked on you as you try to focus on the TV. It makes you feel like there was something crawling all over you, and you have the overwhelming urge to itch every bit of exposed skin you had—which isn’t a lot, but still.

Part of you was tempted to turn to Jisung just to try and poke his eyes out. You wouldn’t actually do it, but with his eyes boring into your head like this, it’s hard not to think about it. You just wanted to watch A Charlie Brown Christmas in peace.

“...Are you gonna talk to him? Like, at all?” Jisung speaks.

A small pout plays at your lips and you cross your arms over your chest. “How can I?” you start. “He hasn’t spoken to me since the start of the year.”

The older boy lets out a sigh. “Have you tried to speak to him?”

You nod once. Finally, something he can’t get on your case for.

Jisung blinks. “…Besides at lunch back in April?”

You huff, looking down at your lap. Your knuckles turn white as you ball the fabric of your sweater in your fists. "Well, it was kinda hard to do when he’s always with Beomgyu.”

Jisung leans forward to get a better look at you, whilst he rests his chin on his palm. "If I didn't know any better, I'd say you sound jealous."

You can’t tell if you want to scoff or to laugh. Jealous? You? Of course not. You just wanted to be around your best friend again. To be able to hang out with your best friend of three years without some stupid kid in your grade teasing you about dating or about how ‘oOOoH, yOu’RE sO iN lOvE’. Ever since winter break ended, it was all you ever heard when you were around him.

"I’m not jealous." You raise your voice slightly, pushing him away without moving your gaze away from the cartoon. "He was my best friend first."

"Can you hear yourself when you speak?"

“Can you hear how annoying you are right now?”

Jisung blinks at you again. He pushes himself off the couch and stands in front of you, his gaze more gentle this time. “You know he asks me about you too, right?”

You sigh. It’s probably the fifth time this week that Jisung has reminded you of this. It’s not that you don’t want to believe him, but with the way Jeongin stared at you with hollow eyes the last time you tried to talk to him in the cafeteria eight months ago, you’re not sure if you can.

“Plus, he’s literally…” Jisung continues, spinning you around to where Jeongin sat in the kitchen with Beomgyu. Right where you two sat at the Christmas party two years ago. “…right there.”

“I know,” you huff.

Of course you knew that, and you knew he knew you knew. Jeongin was the first one you recognized when you stepped foot in the Choi house for the party. Sure, part of it was because Jisung frantically shook your arm and pointed him out, but even if he wasn’t there you would’ve spotted the top of his head from a mile away. You would’ve known he hadn’t left his gingerbread house in the kitchen all afternoon, whether or not the coconut-haired boy was there to pester you about it.

”Then gooo,” Jisung chides, pushing you to the kitchen island by the shoulders. “Talk. To him.”

Oddly enough, talking to him is the last thing you want to do. At least, not here. Not when there’s a bunch of adults that, frankly, are nosier than your typical middle schooler. Luckily, the only adult there when you approach the kitchen island only glances at you for a second before stepping past you. No one else is watching, but it still feels like a hundred pairs of eyes are piercing into your skull.

You suck in a deep breath. Here goes nothing.

“Hey.”

Jeongin pushes his lips into a thin line when he looks up at you. “Hi.”

From the corner of your eye, you can see Beomgyu raise his head and look at you both before going back to what he was doing. Rocking on the balls of your feet, you take another deep breath. “How’ve you been? It’s been a while.”

You’re not sure how long Jeongin goes quiet for, but every second of silence makes you feel like your insides are trying to escape from you. You purse your lips as your gaze casts down to your feet, unable to look him in the eye. Why did the friendship between you and Jeongin have to change? Why couldn’t people just keep their mouths shut?

“I’ve been okay,” he mumbles. “Just busy, you know?”

You hum in response. He was right; this year had been a lot school-wise, especially when you counted how everyone watched you like hawks, ready to strike at the first opportunity for a ‘ship moment’, as some people had started to call it.

“Yeah.” You try to laugh, but anyone can tell it’s fake. “Me too.”

Jeongin stays silent again, just nodding at your words. You weren’t sure what heartbreak was and of course, you weren’t in love with him. He is—was—your best friend. But if you had to guess, heartbreak probably feels something close to what you’re feeling right now.

You gulp, and take one more shaky breath. Your bottom lip wavers as you try to get your next words out.

“I…” miss you.

You want to say it so bad, but you stopped yourself as soon as you started. When Jeongin doesn’t turn his head, you feel your heart sink to your stomach, or whatever the equivalent of that was when your best friend completely ignores you, effectively declaring the end of your best-friendship.

You hate this so much. Screw the other kids for getting in the way of your friendship, screw Jeongin for letting them, screw yourself for not doing more to stop it, and screw Jisung for pushing you over to talk to him.

You don’t say anything more as you turn away and solemnly make your way back over to where Jisung is still standing. When you feel tears pool in your eyes, you make a sharp turn for the bathroom, and the older boy worriedly trails after you.

“Baby…” he calls as he follows, quickening his pace to catch up to you. “Surely it wasn’t that bad.”

You stop in your tracks, suddenly causing Jisung to bump into you. He leans forward and around your shoulder before taking a step into your view, instantly frowning when he sees the sadness apparent on your face. “Baby…”

“It’s over, Jisung.” You blink rapidly. “We’re never going to be friends again, not after this.”

Furrowing his eyebrows together, Jisung sighs. He places his hands on your shoulders to try and get you to look at him. “Don’t say that, you guys will get past this. You guys are best friends for a reason.”

“No, we won’t.” Your voice shakes as you speak. “You saw how awkward it was back there! There’s no way he wants to be friends anymore… let alone best friends.”

You continue to blink your tears away, but one manages to slide down your cheek. Your breathing becomes ragged as your world feels like it’s crashing down on you, and all you can do is helplessly step closer to Jisung as you hiccup.

“I just want my best friend back.”

Pulling you in, Jisung wraps his arms around you in his attempt to comfort you. He sighs quietly, his own frown on his lips as you choke out a sob.

“I know you do.”

14 years old.

Well, your last year of middle school was off to a surprisingly pleasant start.

After years of being told where in the classroom you could sit, your 1st period teacher nearly had you jumping for joy when she said you were free to pick your seat for the year. It was such a minute detail to be in control of, but it felt so freeing to your adolescent self.

The only problem: you don’t know anyone in this class. You vaguely recognize two or three faces from last school year, but even they had gravitated to other students in the class, clustering into their already-established friend groups. It’s like the galaxies in the night sky that you learned about last year, and you’re a lone star, floating around in the abyss called your new English classroom.

Shrugging to yourself, you scoot past some students in the aisles and pick a seat in the middle of the room in between two other empty desks. You had counted ten or so desks that had yet to be filled, so you figured you should take your chances. You don’t know anyone… at least, for now. Maybe someone will show up later.

Sliding your phone out of your pocket, you plug your headphones into your ears and listen to music for the last few minutes of passing period to relax a little. It quickly feels pointless, though, as the chatter in the classroom overpowers the song blasting right by your eardrums.

However, one voice seems to ring above all the others.

“Um… is this seat taken?”

You take an earbud out, lifting your head to find the source of the voice. Jeongin stands over the chair to your left, adorning a god-awful purple sweater that reminds you of the one he wore when you first met. It almost brings a smile to your face… almost. It probably would have if things had ended differently between you two.

This is the first time you have spoken to him since The Most Awkward Conversation Of Your Life™. Maybe you were being slightly dramatic, or at least that’s what Jisung had told you for weeks after the incident, but you still stood by what you felt. You weren't sure if you and Jeongin could ever get back to the way you were—not having spoken since that moment kind of proved to you that you couldn’t.

Yet here you are. You’re not sure if this will just be a one-off conversation or a second chance of sorts. But after a moment, you decide to take that chance.

“Go for it.” You gesture to the seat.

Jeongin smiles awkwardly, the tips of his ears pink as he sets his backpack down on the floor. He doesn’t move to get any of his things out of his bag, and just sits there with laser-focus on his hands that rest on top of his desk.

You’re not sure how long you two sat in silence, but thankfully, it feels nothing like the last time. It actually feels…. comfortable. Welcoming, even. Almost like when you first met him at the monkey bars.

Jeongin looks over at you after a few moments, still rubbing his thumb over the back of his hand. “So… how are you?” he finally speaks.

It’s then that you notice just how much deeper Jeongin’s voice has gotten since the last time you spoke. You figure it would make sense; you hadn’t seen each other in almost a year, and a lot can happen in said year. It’s still odd, however—seeing him change, but not being there to experience it with him.

You nod, looking down at your own hands, but you let a small smile slip out. “I’m okay.”

You are okay, really, at least for the moment. But now you knew you would be, for sure.

…

“Who wants the last cookie—” Mrs. Yang calls from the kitchen, but she’s quickly cut short.

“ME!”

You and Jeongin spring up from the couch at the same time, giggling as you push past each other and race to the kitchen. At the last second, Jeongin sticks his arm in front of you just as you come in reach of the cookie, barring you from the baked treat as he swipes it with his free hand.

“Hey!” You cross your arms, biting your lip to stifle more giggles from coming out. “You cheated!”

Jeongin doesn’t even try to hide the cocky smirk on his face. “Oh, you love me anyway.”

You narrow your eyes at the boy. “Do I? Do I really?”

Jeongin only stares back at you, blinking a few times before he bites into the cookie. Right. In. Front of you.

Your jaw drops in betrayal. What an asshole, he knew you loved those cookies more than life itself! If you had to choose, though, you highly preferred this over where you two were a year ago. He may be stealing your cookies like the pubescent raven-haired crook he is, but since it comes with being best friends again, you’ll learn to live with it.

You keep your eyes trained on him as you calculate your next move. You know exactly how to get him back for this, but is it worth it? Was waiting only a few months after recovering your friendship enough time?

Oh, who are you kidding—of course it was.

“Two can play that game,” you state, taking a piece of cookie from his hand.

The boy scoffs. “Oh, really?”

Your eyes widening ever-so-slightly, you bite into the cookie. You keep your gaze on him as you chew, not looking away even for a second, and you say the three magic words—even more magic than ‘please.’

“Stay for Christmas?”

His smirk immediately drops, and one of your own plays at your lips. You know you got him.

“You’re never gonna let that go, are you?” he grumbles.

You just swipe another piece of cookie from his hand, still grinning triumphantly. “To be fair,” you swirl the cookie in your hand for emphasis, “you walked right into it.”

Jeongin sighs, watching you toss the last bit of the cookie into your mouth. “There's nothing I can do to make you forget it, huh?’

“Nope,” you say with your mouth full. “Not unless you do something more quote-worthy.”

“Fine, then stay.”

You freeze, your cheeks still full of chewed-up cookie. “What?”

“You heard me, Y/N.” Jeongin steps closer, not breaking eye contact. “Just stay for Christmas. It’d be fun, and at least then, you’d have nothing to try and tease me with.”

You swallow the dessert in your mouth and stare at him, speechless. All this time, you had been just playing along with the line as a joke. Was it actually possible to have a sleepover with him? You almost smile as you ponder it over in your head. Being all cooped up in his room and kicking his ass at Mario Kart, then scrambling to be in bed by midnight as if Santa would actually appear the second the clock strikes twelve? You don’t have to think twice.

“Honey sweet, you and Y/N are still on that?” Mrs. Yang says, turning her head to look at you two from the sink.

Jeongin groans. “Yeah, mom, and why do you still call me that?!”

His mother just chuckles and turns back to the dishes she’s rinsing. From what you could gather, she doesn’t seem opposed to you sleeping over. It wasn’t a yes, but it certainly wasn’t a resounding no, so you jump to make a beeline for your parents and beg them to let you stay overnight.

Unfortunately, your parents have a more straightforward answer for you. Not even the growing piles of snow outside could save you from going back home at the end of the night.

You also receive quite the lecture about “the dangers of staying over at boys’ houses” on the way home. Their words fly in one ear and the other for you. If this was anyone else, it’d be different, but this is your best friend that they’re talking about.

The only time Jeongin ever laid a hand on you was during the grand battle of Rainbow Road when you were eleven. In his defense, he didn’t mean to push you so hard that you fell off the bed and nearly dislocated your shoulder, but that’s what happens when two of the most competitive people you know go head-to-head in a battle of Mario Kart.

You huff. At least you know actually staying for Christmas might be an option one day.

15 years old.

You peek around the edge of your locker door every so often as you shove various notebooks into your bag. Even when you finished packing up, you busy yourself with pretending to wipe specks of dust off your binder, and checking that you chose the correct textbooks to bring home with you for the fifth time in three minutes.

Another minute or so passes and you check the clock on your phone, then you look past your locker door one more time, slowly leaning over until one eye peeps past the edge. You find Jeongin speaking to one of his teachers as they exited their classroom, waving goodbye as he heads closer to you.

You smile to yourself, then scan the area around you one more time. The coast seems clear, but you decide to give it one more minute before going over to him, just to be safe.

“You’re doing that again?”

You jump and turn on your heel, nearly hitting your head against your locker door. Jisung stands behind you as he watches you incredulously, backpack slung over one shoulder as he leans against the wall of lockers. His arms are crossed as he raises an eyebrow at you, and his features are twisted into an odd mixture of concern and confusion.

You look back at the main hallway, then back at Jisung. “Um… yeah,” you state, as if it’s the most obvious thing ever. “Is there a problem?”

Jisung just snickers at your confidence. “Babe, honey, sweetie,” he says. You roll your eyes at the endless string of nicknames. “You look ridiculous.”

“I do not!” you scoff defensively.

He leans closer to you, his wide eyes boring into yours. “Is this about a booooy?” he teases jokingly.

You grimace in his direction, delivering a flick to his forehead as you pretend to rummage through your locker again. “You know what it’s about, Ji,” you grumble.

He’s technically not wrong. It is about a boy, but it’s not about a boy. There’s a huge difference—especially when the boy in question was Jeongin.

“You still look ridiculous.” He props an arm against the locker wall. “It’s like you want people to think you’re dating.”

You sigh, slamming your locker shut. “You don’t get it, people will stare if we don’t do this. Plus, our system’s worked for almost a semester already.”

“Y/N, this almost looks more suspicious than if you two just acted normally.” Reaching out a hand, he turns you by the shoulders to face him. “Is this peeking thing really necessary?”

You let out an agitated huff at his constant questioning. The nearly-unreadable grimace makes a return to Jisung’s face, and you know it is there to stay until you explain yourself. It seems pretty simple to you, though.

You see, once middle school came to a close, you saw a window for a fresh start in high school. Any indications of The Incident™ (the former name had become a mouthful for you to repeat every time) were to die with the remnants of your braces phase and short-lived obsession with rainbow loom bracelets and 5 Seconds of Summer, as far as you were concerned. So, accordingly, you and Jeongin had devised a plan to prevent those dreaded “ship moments” from repeating themselves in high school.

Since most of your time together at school wasn’t in actual classes, you and Jeongin agreed to sit separately for bus rides to and from school, sometimes even opposite ends of the bus if necessary. On the way to school in the mornings, you two figured it was safe to walk together to the bus most days. Your neighborhood was one of the first stops and the few kids on the bus when you get on are usually snoring in the back. As long as you and Jeongin sat across from each other near the front and didn’t wake them up, you figured you’d be fine.

However, after school, you had to be fast. Ideally, you’d meet up with Jeongin when the hallways were less crowded than right when the final bell sounds, but when enough students were still hanging around the corridors that it wouldn't raise eyebrows with the school staff. You’d meet, speed-walk to the buses together, and enter separately. Once you pulled up at your stop, you two would depart and walk separately—until your bus turned the corner, then you’d walk each other home. It sounded like a lot, yeah, but after a while you get used to it.

After months of practice, you found that the most optimal time to pull this off was around five to eight minutes after the bell. Eight minutes was pushing it, but as long as you and Jeongin made a run for it, you wouldn’t miss your ride home. You had it down to a science. Jisung had no reason to worry, but he always seemed to find one.

Despite this, you don’t want to bother explaining the system you and Jeongin had perfected over the semester, again—the last time you did, it only raised more questions. So this time, you simply wave a hand in dismissal. “Yes, it’s necessary,” you deadpan, “you wouldn’t understand.”

Jisung blinks, then lets out an exhausted sigh. “If you insist…”

The older boy trails off, just in time for the younger one to appear at your side. “Hey, guys,” Jeongin chirps, waving at you both.

You smile at him briefly before turning to Jisung. “Do you have any other questions before we go?” you ask, your voice dripping in (mostly) feigned annoyance.

“No, but I probably will later.” The older brunet waves at one of his friends from anime club before looking back at the two of you one more time. “You two should go catch your bus, get home safe, yeah?”

You both nod, giving him a thumbs up as he jogs over to his friend, and you and Jeongin make your own jog for the front doors of the school.

You’re immediately greeted with a gray cloudy sky and you instantly feel the cold swirl around you. There are crowds of people littered around each section, waiting for their own respective buses. It doesn’t faze you in the least, though.

You had months of practice under your belt—years, actually, if you included shoving past couples in the school hallways who seemed to walk like they were floating on the moon. To this day, you never understood the appeal of holding up foot traffic for your fifth kiss goodbye of the hour, but whatever. Just like how other teenagers always mysteriously seemed to stop right in front of you just as you were dashing full speed for math class, you always seemed to find a way through the crowd.

It was simple, really. Like, actually simple compared to your aforementioned plan. Just keep your eyes straight ahead, and somehow, people always seem to clear a path for you. Despite your current plight, you and Jeongin have yet to miss your bus since the start of high school.

And that’s what you do. You take the lead in pushing through the masse of students, most of which are chatting amongst their friends as they meander to their ride home. Normally, you and Jeongin would talk a bit on the way, too, but you had hit the eight-minute mark thanks to your encounter with Jisung, so you had to book it.

You keep your gaze locked in front of you, only turning back occasionally to make sure you didn’t lose Jeongin in the crowd. As predicted, students who aren’t otherwise in a hurry move out of your way. You let out a small sigh of relief at this; it’s one less thing you needed to worry about as you got closer to your bus.

Next: enter separately.

By the time you and Jeongin navigate your way out of the crowd and to bus #143, you find a line of students waiting to board that stretches the length of the bus itself. You groan, but at least you wouldn’t be stranded at school, so you consider this a win.

But still, you keep your unwritten pact in mind and you gesture for Jeongin to line up. “You go first,” you mumble, gently pushing him to the end of the line and you step back to wait another minute.

Jeongin turns back to you. “Aren’t you gonna get in line too?”

You stuff your hands in your pockets and quickly scan the line. You recognize the girl in front of him from math class, and two kids from the group of boys that just got behind Jeongin used to tease you two in middle school. “Not yet,” you shake your head. “It’s not safe.”

He furrows his brows together, his lips pulling downward. “You’re shivering,” he deadpans.

Now that he mentioned it, you realize you’re jumping in place in an attempt to warm up. It’s cold outside and you’re eager to leave, but you don’t mind waiting a little longer.

After moments of hesitation, Jeongin removes a hand from his hoodie pocket and grabs your forearm, making sure your hands stay in your own pockets as he pulls you to him. “Just get in line, Y/N,” he mumbles, “the sooner you get in line, the sooner we can get out of the cold.”

With wide eyes, you immediately step back. “Are you crazy?!” you hiss. “People are gonna talk!”

“So? Let them.”

Jeongin’s words ring in your head as he pulls you back towards him one more time.

You let out a gasp when you feel your body collide with his. You blink a few times to recompose yourself and stare up at him, your mouth agape. “What’s gotten into you?” Jeongin makes a face to himself as he responds, “What’s gotten into you?”

“You know what got into me.” You give him a dubious look. “The agreement, the one we both agreed on?”

Jeongin hums, shrugging his shoulders. His eyes linger on you for a moment before he looks back over to watch the line. “Who cares?”

“I thought you did…”

His gaze burning into your skin makes you want to shrink away. Only a few months ago, he was dead set on this agreement, but now? What changed and so suddenly, at that?

“Why should we let them try to ruin our friendship?” Jeongin asks after a beat of silence. “They already tried once, and look what happened. We shouldn’t let them again.”

You freeze yet again at his words, so much that the boy has to drag you onto the bus with him. His hand on your forearm is enough to snap you out of your haze, and for some reason, it’s all you can focus on.

You feel him let your arm go after a minute, and you look over at him. He slings his backpack off his shoulders and places it by his feet as he settles into the window seat, then looks back at you. “Aren’t you gonna sit down?” he says in a similar tone as earlier, patting the empty spot next to him.

“Um…”

Jeongin looks at you expectantly. It was tempting. it really was. But you catch a familiar wisp of curly hair as the group of boys from behind you two turn the corner and strut down the aisle.

You hesitate, before sharply turning on your heel. “I’ll just sit a few rows back,” you mumble.

“Oh my god, Y/N.”

Another surprised yelp leaves your lips as Jeongin pulls you out of the aisle. He tugs you by your hoodie sleeve this time, and when the group of boys walk past you, he lets his grip loosen and you feel his palm rest on your forearm again. It’s warm against your skin and you almost don’t want him to move it, but you wouldn’t dare say it out loud.

The boy glances at the seat next to him, then back at you, his eyes almost weary. “Just sit, please.”

You peer over your shoulder as the group of boys collectively take their seats in the last two rows of the bus. Sighing, you supposed that it’s far enough that you would be safe, and allow yourself to plop on the torn blue leather.

“See, it’s not so bad, is it?” Jeongin smiles at you reassuringly. “No one’s gonna talk, we’ll be fine.”

He pats your forearm twice before bringing his hand back onto his lap. You almost frown at the move.

The last of the students file in after a couple more minutes and the bus slowly pulls onto the road. Jeongin leans his head against the dirty window as he plays Doodle Jump on his phone, and you mindlessly watch him try to beat his high score.

You don’t know how much time passed when the bus abruptly stops, but it couldn’t have been more than a few minutes. The two of you are thrown forward as the driver suddenly slams the brakes, and Jeongin instinctively grabs your arm to keep you from falling. You don’t, luckily, but you do bump into him.

“Ahh, sorry!” you exclaim.

Jeongin shakes his head, as if to say it’s okay. “Are you okay?”

He gives your forearm a gentle squeeze before letting go. You follow his hand as it falls back on his lap, before meeting his gaze and nodding slightly. “Yeah–” you hesitate for a second, looking down at his hand again then back at him. “Yeah, I’m fine. Are you?”

“Yeah, I’m okay.”

You nod once, giving him a tight smile before settling down properly. That is, until you catch white flecks falling outside from the corner of your eye. It takes a second to click, but once it does, you turn to the window in a flash, eyes sparkling at the view outside.

“Jeongin,” you squeal, shaking him by the shoulder and you point to his right. “Look!”

The boy slides his phone in his pocket and a grin of his own appears as he looks out the window, seeing the snowflakes blanket the outside world for the first time this winter. Leaning past Jeongin to peer outside, your smile grows even more cheerful. All you need now is a mug of hot chocolate filled to the brim with whipped cream as you curl up on the couch and put on one of your beloved Christmas movies. Unfortunately, you wouldn’t be home for a while, so this would have to do for now.

“I’m not sure if you’ve ever noticed, but,” Jeongin starts after a minute, a chuckle escaping his lips, “the snow always starts when we’re together.”

“Really?” you question.

He nods, his eyes focused on what seemed to be the most interesting bush in the world to him, and he smiles. “Yeah.”

You’re not sure if it was instinct or the cold that made you want to sit closer to Jeongin. You try not to think about it.

“It's just a coincidence,” you attempt to laugh. “You can’t really predict the weather.”

“I don’t know,” Jeongin muses, clicking his tongue. “If Jisung was here right now, he’d be losing his mind.”

You can’t help but roll your eyes. “That boy lost his mind ages ago. We just spend a lot of time together, of course we’re gonna see the first snow together at least once.”

Jeongin shrugs his shoulders beside you, then it goes silent. You aren’t sure how long for, and you just quietly watch the white crystals of snow hit the glass window.

You feel Jeongin lean into you slightly after another moment. “That reminds me…”

You hum, looking over at him.

His smile curls into a playful smirk. “Stay for Christmas?”

You gape at him with an amused grin. Jeongin? Saying the line himself, unprompted? Who was this boy in front of you? “I thought you hated that line.”

Jeongin shrugs again, a smile still playing on his lips. “Eh, it kinda grew on me.” He pauses for a moment then speaks again. “But seriously, do you want to?”

Your brain goes static for a second. “As in, stay for Christmas? Like, for real?” He nods, and you deflate, slumping in your seat. “You know they’ll just say no.”

The hopeful smile on Jeongin’s face also fades, recalling your failed attempt last year. “I know,” he said, “but maybe it’s worth another try?”

You press your lips into a thin line, keeping your gaze down as you shrug. “We can if you want.”

Once the bus pulls up at your stop, Jeongin walks you home, but not without going inside with you to find your parents. With a reassuring hand on your back, he helps you plead your case to your parents, but as you feared, they shut you down quicker than last time.

Jeongin sends you a sad smile as he heads home that day, leaving you to mentally prepare for the hell you’re about to receive from your mother the minute the door clicks shut behind him.

16 years old.

“One, two…” your mother counts slowly as she tries her best to fit the both of you on her screen. “Get a bit closer together, guys,” she ushers you with one hand.

You huff but follow her order, and step closer to the boy next to you. “Mom, don’t you have enough photos?”

A chuckle leaves your mom's lips as she continues to take more, now at different angles. “There’s never enough photos, sugarplum!”

Jisung snorts from beside you at the nickname and you send your elbow right into his ribs to get him to shut up.

“Y/N!” your mother scolds. “Don’t be so mean, he’s being nice and taking you! Heaven knows he didn’t need to.”

“Mom!” you gasp in surprise.

“Yeah, sugarplum,” Jisung says mockingly, faking a pout as he looks down at you.

You glare up at the older boy and silently hiss. You knew this would be a bad idea, but this is still better than what you were originally going to do: go to winter formal on your own. Especially since Jeongin had his own date.

“Okay, okay,” your mother says as her gaze focuses back onto her phone. “Last ones.”

“You have plenty,” you mutter through gritted teeth.

Your mother finally lowers her phone and slips it into her oversized cardigan pocket. “Bring her home by midnight, okay? No funny business!” She borderline-chastises Jisung, and you give her a look. She’s known Jisung for years at this point, it was almost as bad as if she lectured Jeongin himself.

Luckily for you, Jisung plays along, drawing two fingers to his brow and flicking his wrist to salute. “Yes, ma’am!”

“Okay,” you start quickly as you hastily grab Jisung’s wrist. “We gotta go, bye!”

With that, you drag Jisung out of the door and to his car before your mother can get another word in.

“Whoa there, sugarplum, calm down,” Jisung sings, “we have all the time in the world.”

“Would you let that nickname go, please?” you groan.

Jisung unlocks his car as he walks around to the driver's seat, laughing loudly. “Never, baby.” With the car open, he stares at you and taps his temple. “That puppy is locked into the memory banks for life.”

You roll your eyes for the nth time, open the door, and let it slam behind you as you plop onto your seat with crossed arms, Jisung’s laughter filling your ears as he follows your actions. Igniting the engine, he turns the heaters to full blast and rubs his hands together to try and gain some heat.

“You good?” you ask, watching him blow hot air onto his hands.

He hums and nods his head, and turns the heaters down shortly after. “I like the car to be toasty, okay? I want to feel like a marshmallow.”

“...A marshmallow?”

Jisung nods again affirmingly. “A marshmallow.”

“I don’t even want to know,” you shake your head in amazement and look away from him.

“We’re picking Innie up first, right?” Jisung asks, his attention now on the road as he backs the car out of your driveway.

“Yeah,” you hum. “His date is meeting him there.”

After that it goes silent, partly because Jisung needs his full attention to drive, but also because there just isn’t much to say. You’re surprised Jisung hasn’t taken this time alone with you to grill and interrogate you, but maybe he had turned over a new leaf, changed his ways.

It seems more likely, however, that you just thought too highly of him, especially when he asks you about it in the next moment.

“So, how do you feel about Jeongin having his own date?”

You turn your head to look at him. “Don’t you have the road to focus on?”

“Don’t deflect, baby,” he hums. “You can’t answer a question with a question.”

“You can’t answer a question with a question,” you mimic, tightening your arms around your chest.

“Now you’re just being obnoxious,” he says, which causes you to whine and throw your head back.

“Why are you even asking me? It’s fine, so what if he has his own date? I don’t care.”

“Kinda seems like you do,” Jisung sings.

“I don’t,” you spit back a second too quickly.

“Look at my face.” Jisung takes one hand, motions around his face, and sends a look towards you before focusing back on the road. “Does this face look like one that would believe your bullshit?”

“Your face looks dumb and like you’d believe any type of bullshit,” you mutter, your arms still crossed.

“Now, I know you’re only saying that because you’re annoyed at me for pointing out the obvious.” Jisung laughs. “It's okay, I forgive you and I know I’m the most handsome guy you’ve ever laid your eyes on.”

“You need to get your ego checked.”

Pulling up at the corner of Jeongin’s street, Jisung places the car in park. “The things I do for this friendship,” he sighs dramatically as he pulls out his phone to text Jeongin.

You shake your head, keeping your gaze out the window. “You’re ridiculous.”

“I think you misspelled the word ‘genius’, sugarplum.”

You side-eye the older boy, whose smug smile is illuminated by the light emitting from his phone. “I wasn’t spelling anything.”

“Misspoke, then.” Jisung locks his phone and looks at you innocently. “Same thing. Jeongin’s on his way.”

“Not the same thing,” you mumble before you nod your head. “Okay, but how is he going to sneak out in a suit?”

The sudden thought came to your mind. Jeongin had family come in from out of town for this large family party, which admittedly, he didn’t want to be there for. However, his family would definitely notice if he just walked out of the house in a tux.

“That's where my genius comes in,” Jisung smirks and points to the back seat. “Emergency tux.”

You look back and there is, in fact, a tuxedo folded neatly on the middle seat along with a belt to match, ready for Jeongin to wear for the formal. You stare at it for a moment too long before your gaze settles on Jisung. “What emergency is there where you need a tux?”

The older boy shrugs and makes a face. “A fancy one?”

You blink as you look at him, but you couldn’t stop the side of your lips turning up into a smile. “I really don’t get you sometimes.”

His confident grin makes your own grow wider. He leans forward slightly and ruffles your hair with one hand, causing you to groan before flipping down the sun visor and looking in the tiny mirror on the back of it as you try to fix it.

Jisung laughs as he watches you. “It's okay, you can say how amazing I am and how much you love me, you don’t have to pretend.”

Whilst fixing your hair in the mirror, your mouth twists into a disgusted frown and you send him a glare. “I repeat what I said earlier, you need your ego checked.”

“You’ll admit it one day,” he jokes.

You close the visor back up. “Not gonna happen.”

Before Jisung has the chance to say anything else, the right back door opens up. Jeongin throws himself in and sighs contentedly at the warmth that surrounds him. After a moment, he opens his eyes and smiles at the both of you sitting in the front. “Hey, guys!”

“Hi,” you smile.

Jisung smiles too and points to the suit behind him, which makes Jeongin clap his hands in delight. “Emergency tux?” he says.

Jisung clicks his tongue, sending a wink and a finger gun the younger boy’s way. “Emergency tux, baby.”

With furrowed eyebrows, you blink at the boys. “What is it with you and emergency tuxes? Seriously, what would you even need an emergency tux for?”

“A fancy emergency,” Jeongin answers matter-of-factly, which causes Jisung to point at him and nod.

“See, he gets it!” he agrees. “Hey, without that emergency tux, Innie would be going in sweats to the formal. Wouldn’t want that, now, would we?”

You roll your eyes and look away from them. “Guess not.”

“See, Y/N?” Jisung reaches over to ruffle your hair again, and you successfully duck your head away this time. He chuckles and draws his hand back, shifting the gear to drive and bringing his attention back to the road. “There's a method to my madness.”

You just huff, slumping back in your seat in defeat as he turned the car around.

“Wait,” Jeongin pipes up as Jisung straightens out the wheel, “how am I supposed to change?”

“As I said, there’s a method to my madness.,” Jisung says, perhaps a bit too confidently as he pulls out of the street. “Just give me a minute.”

You narrow your eyes at Jisung, who keeps a straight face as he drives. You almost hate it more than his smug smile from a few minutes ago. At least then, you had the slightest clue to what he was thinking. The fact that the car is silent, save for the quiet Christmas music on the radio, does nothing to calm your worries.

Unfortunately, it looks like your gut feeling was right as you realize Jisung is pulling into a stop just right outside your neighborhood.

“Here you go,” Jisung announces proudly, placing the car in park again. “Changing time!”

Your eyes bulging out of your head, you snap your head to Jisung. “Are you insane?!” you hiss. “We’re in public!”

The older—but you were very hesitant to say wiser—boy shrugs. “He’s gotta do it somewhere! It’s either here or the school parking lot.”

“You didn’t think about a gas station?!”

“Guys, it’s fine,” Jeongin says, his voice wavering slightly as he unbuckles his seatbelt. “Just... just don’t look, please.”

You cover the sides of your eyes as you keep your gaze out the window. Every now and then, you hear Jeongin hit something in the back, causing him to groan in pain and Jisung to holler at his misery.

This goes on for almost a minute before you hear the gear shift click. Keeping your hands around the sides of your eyes, you glower at Jisung, who smirks deviously as he pulls the lever to drive. “Don’t. You. Dare,” you grumble.

“Oh, watch me,” Jisung snickers, tapping his foot on the gas.

“Hey! I’m not done yet!” Jeongin shouts as the car inches forward, sending Jisung into another fit of laughter.

“I’m kidding, I’m kidding!”

Jisung abruptly hits the brake, causing Jeongin to shriek as he thuds against the back of your seat. The older boy lets out another cackle at this, clapping his hands as he throws his head back. He glances at you in hopes that you’re just as amused, but you only glare at him.

He lets out a drawn-out but satisfied sigh, and puts the car in park again. “Ahhh, that was fun.”

You stay silent, maintaining your pointed stare.

“Chillax, Y/N.” He nudges your shoulder, but remains overly cheerful even though you don't budge. “Ooh, look! Snow!“

You blink. As tempting as it is to take your eyes off of him, something in your gut begs you not to.

“I’m serious!” Jisung cries again, pointing fervently in front of him.

You sigh and turn your head slightly. At least he wasn’t lying about the snow, although it does seem lighter this year. A few snowflakes trickle down here and there, but it’s nowhere near enough to obstruct the view outside. And it definitely isn’t enough to keep Jisung from starting and stopping the car one more time, sending Jeongin crashing into the back of your seat again and proving your worries correct.

“I’m gonna kill you,” the younger boy scowls, and you lean over to flick the older one on the forehead.

“Agh!” Jisung slaps your hand away, stifling a giggle. “Okay, okay! I'm done now!”

“You better be,” Jeongin grumbles.

After a few minutes, he gasps. “Done,” he says, and you drop your hands from either side of your eyes.

You look in the rearview mirror, Jeongin in full view as he adjusts his tie. Sure, the suit was a size too big, and the jacket almost slipped off the ends of his shoulders, but he somehow seemed to make it work. You couldn’t explain how, it just has this charm that perfectly complements the sweet but awkward boy you’ve grown so fond of. It’s so incredibly Jeongin, and it makes you smile like a dope.

But as he runs his hands through his hair, in desperate attempts to fix it, you feel your breath hitch in your throat. That… was new. And different. By now, one would look away, but for some reason, you can’t.

That is, however, when you notice Jisung’s eyes are locked on you, his eyebrows ever-so-slightly raised in amusement. You look down at your hands as you feel your cheeks get hot. Now that was another thing you’d have to explain to the older fool. Great.

Snow continues to fall from the sky as Jisung resumes the drive to school, but it never goes past a light sprinkle. It wasn’t even enough to coat the ground in that fluffy, white blanket you had grown accustomed to in the last few years. Every so often, the older boy glances over at you, catching you lingering at the rearview mirror as Jeongin uses his phone camera to fix his hair. It only makes you sink lower and lower into your chair, and you resort to keeping your eyes on your lap for the rest of the ride.

You don’t look up again until you feel the car stop and hear the gear shift click back into park.

“We’re here,” Jisung announces in a singsong voice.

“I can tell,” you grumble, recognizing the dimly lit courtyard in front of you.

“There she is!” Jeongin seems to have spotted his date and he squeaks, checking himself in the rearview mirror one last time. “Do I look okay?” he asks, a hopeful smile on his face.

You both turn back to look at him. You open your mouth to speak but can’t get anything out, and you find yourself stupidly staring at him again.

“You look great, Jeongin.” Jisung smiles over his shoulder. He glances at you for a second, flashing his eyebrows at you, and you turn back around in embarrassment. “Now gooo, she”s waiting!” He winks at the younger boy, ushering him out of the car.

Jeongin chuckles, smoothing out his oversized suit once more before he leaves. You keep your gaze out the windshield the whole time, staring at nothing in particular, but you notice that the snow stops entirely once Jeongin wraps his arms around his date and escorts her inside.

You feel your breath get caught in your throat again. “We–” you start, then pause to clear your throat. “Yeah, we should get going, too.”

Keeping your eyes locked in place, you blindly reach down to unbuckle your seatbelt. You’ve never felt more suffocated in a vehicle in your life and everything inside you was screaming at you to get out.

But Jisung, ever-persistent, seemed to be working against you all evening. He reaches over, gently grabbing your arm before you can touch the door handle. “Uh, uh, uh, you’re not going anywhere.”

You silently groan in your mind as you turn to face him with a sour look. “What do you want?”

His mouth curls up into a smirk. “What was that just now?”

“What was what just now?”

You tilt your head, your eyebrows furrowed with your lips pursed together. No matter how hard you try to keep a straight face, it only seems to egg him on more.

“You know what I’m talking about.” Jisung nudges you repeatedly, his smirk growing wider. “That whole staring at Innie thing! It’s almost like you just realized how in love you are with him.”

A scoff escapes your lips almost instantly. Seeing Jeongin in that suit was… an experience, to say the least, but to go as far as to say you were in love with him?

That said, it doesn’t surprise you that this all came from the guy who genuinely believed his crush would ask him out at midnight if he made a wish and forwarded a poorly-formatted copypasta to seventeen people. Bless his heart, but you’re smarter than that.

Really, you couldn’t pinpoint what sucked the breath out of your lungs when you laid eyes on Jeongin in the rearview mirror. All you could caulk it up to was some ill-timed coming-of-age epiphany: you two were sixteen now, and you could do things the sixteen-year-olds in movies do all the time. It’s a strange pill to swallow, but unlike Jeongin, it didn’t even occur to you that you could’ve asked someone out to winter formal. Everyone else your age seemed to jump at the chance, but a small part of you figured you and Jeongin would’ve gone together—as friends, of course.

Of course, you know Jisung wouldn’t buy that answer, so you had to think of something else. Something more his style.

“That’s— that’s not what happened.” You take a breath then wave him off with your hand as you continue. “It's just the tuxedo effect, it’ll be gone in the morning.”

You turn to get out of the car (again), hoping Jisung would leave it at that, but he leans over (again), grabbing your hand this time.

“No, no, no, sugarplum, you aren’t getting away that easily.”

You want to scream. Praying for the earth to swallow you whole sounds good, too. Anything over facing Jisung, whose eyebrows are raised as he nosily rests his chin on his palm.

“Spill.”

You lightly push him away from you as you sigh. “What is there to spill? It’s…” You pause, before continuing in a rushed mumble. “It's when you find someone attractive because of the fact that they’re wearing a suit.”

Jisung blinks a number of times before he bursts into laughter.

“That’s so bullshit! Finding someone attractive just because they’re wearing a suit?” He shakes his head in disbelief. “That's insane.”

“Oh, so magical snow makes complete sense, but finding someone attractive because of a suit doesn’t?”

“It’s not magical snow, it’s fate and romance all twisted into one!”

“Whatever, you’re hopeless.” You throw your hands up in defeat. “My point still stands: it’ll be gone by tomorrow.”

The main doors capture your attention and your eyes linger on it as multiple other students filter in and out of the formal. Your shoulders tighten and an unexplainable uneasy feeling makes a home for itself in your chest.

“I thought this was what you wanted…” Jisung starts, his gaze following yours, “for people to not think you guys were dating.”

“It’s not that,” you respond quietly.

“Then what is it?” he asks, matching your tone.

“It’s just…” you begin. “It’s weird to think he’s at the age where he’s actually thinking about liking someone and dating people.”

“But you know what that means?” Jisung asks, prompting you to break your staring contest with the school doors and look at him. “It also means you’re old enough to do the same thing: date and move on.”

You scoff, open the car door, and put one foot out, ready to leave. “I don’t know what you’re on about, shut up.” You get up and let the door swing closed behind you.

Jisung quickly follows suit and makes his way around the front of his car and over to you. He places one hand on one of your shoulders, as the other delicately moves some of the hair that had fallen in your face behind your ear.

“I’ll stop bothering you about this, yeah?” he says, his voice more gentle than teasing this time. You could count the number of times he’s spoken to you like this on one hand. “At least, I’ll stop for now. And if Jeongin won’t tell you, then I will—you look absolutely beautiful.”

Gently lifting your chin with two fingers, Jisung leans over and places a light kiss upon your forehead. You swear that for a minute, your heart stopped beating. Even with all of the overly sweet nicknames and the babying, Jisung had never gone so far as to do something so physically affectionate with you as this. However, you like it. You like it a lot more than you thought you would.

His lips linger there for a moment longer before he pulls away with a smile. “You’re more than capable of going after what you want. But don’t let him cloud your judgment tonight. Have fun, make memories.”

The older boy steps back from you, but offers an arm for you to take. Once you do, he leans in slightly and chuckles. “And try not to let this so-called tuxedo effect get to you too much,” Jisung adds as an afterthought. “You might fall in love with me by the end of the night.”

Using the arm linked around his, you deliver a light smack to his chest.

“In your dreams, asshole.”

…

Spending the night with Jisung as your quote-unquote “date” was more of a blast than you thought it would be. From the flavorful fruit punch and the obviously bulk-bought snacks, it truly was a night to remember.

You made sure to catch plenty of Jisung’s dad-dancing on your phone—for blackmail purposes, of course. And when it got to that normally awkward slow dance section of the night, Jisung did what he did best and made it anything but that. Sure, you stood on his toes once or twice, but he didn’t complain, at least verbally, and all-in-all, the night seemed to be a success.

From the few glances you stole during the night, Jeongin also seemed to enjoy his time with his date. The feverish look he had in his eyes when he hopped in the back of Jisung’s car paired with the hint of lipstick on his cheek confirmed it for you. You decide not to dwell too much on it, taking Jisung’s advice, and just hand Jeongin a makeup wipe before he could stroll home with crystal clear evidence on his face that he was ever gone.

The car might as well have been a fridge as you’re sitting there, hands rubbing together so quickly you could start a fire in your attempt to gain warmth. Jisung had started the car already, but his heaters are taking much longer to kick in compared to earlier. Jeongin, now laid out across the back seat, gushes about how the night was and how breathtaking his date seemed to be in her off-white dress. (You don’t know who would wear white to a school dance, but you try your best not to judge.)

His rambles, however, are soon cut short by Jisung, who looks at him through his rearview mirror. “Sorry, buddy, but you need to change before you get home, remember?”

Jeongin huffs as he pulls himself up into a sitting position and nods his head. He looks at you, to Jisung, back to you, then Jisung again. “You’re not going to do that stop-start thing again, are you?”

“Nah.” Jisung waves him off with one hand. “Wouldn’t be as funny the second time. Plus, I feel like sugarplum here would kill me.”

Jeongin’s eyebrows furrow together slightly. “‘Sugarplum?’”

“Don’t ask,” you say hollowly, and send Jisung a stern look to not answer Jeongin either. But in all honesty, if ‘sugarplum’ was the main thing the older boy took from tonight, you’d be completely fine with that.

“Just hurry up and change, nimrod,” Jisung says as he once again looks in the mirror.

You stare at him blankly. “What the heck is this? The eighties?”

“Just say you’re jealous and go, okay, sugarplum?” Jisung makes a face, and you throw your hands up dismissively.

“Did someone spike the punch?” Jeongin asks. “You’re both acting weird tonight.” Every now and then, you hear bumps and noises as he attempts to get back into his sweats in an orderly fashion.

“We’re not being weird,” you respond flatly, your eyes locked on a shallow puddle on the sidewalk from the snowfall, if you could even call it that. You try your best to change the subject and keep Jeongin from questioning you more. “Are you done yet? Can we go?”

With one last grunt, Jeongin succeeds in getting his head through the hole of his sweatshirt. “Yep, you can drive, Jisung.”

That was enough for Jisung to pull the car into drive and to get on the way.

You drum your fingers against the dashboard as Jisung drives, using everything in you to not pluck off the acrylic nails that took you an hour to stick on. You’re pleasantly surprised with how little this whole operation had gone wrong, and you could only hope that the rest of the trip would stay this way.

You don’t even allow yourself to relax into your chair until you three pull to the corner of Jeongin’s street for the second time. Jisung nearly laughs at you for this, but you quickly silence him with another smack to the chest.

“Owie! Looks like sugarplum’s feisty tonight,” Jisung cries, flashing you a fake frown.

You wince at the nickname and turn around, ignoring him. “Jeongin, do you have everything?”

Jeongin haphazardly tosses the bunched-up tuxedo on the seat beside him as he nods. He slides across the back seat and reaches for the door handle before you stop him in his tracks.

“Wait.” You lean over the back seat and quickly wipe at his cheek, and he attempts to back away. “You missed a bit of lipstick, idiot,” you state flatly, ignoring the sudden heat you feel creeping up your neck. “You’re basically asking to get caught.”

Jisung sits and stares as he watches you wipe away the little remnants of lipstick on Jeongin’s cheek, and he doesn’t fail to notice the way the tips of Jeongin’s ears turn a subtle pink color at your touch.

“Ah,” Jeongin chuckles awkwardly, “thanks.”

It is when Jeongin exits the vehicle that you finally take a closer look at what he was wearing. He wasn’t just wearing any sweatshirt—it was purple. Suddenly you remember your plight from earlier and your breath catches in your throat for the third time tonight.

“Wait, Y/N.” You hear Jeongin knock on your window, snapping you out of your daze.

You turn over and lower the glass, Jisung snickering under his breath all the while. “Yeah?”

A stupid grin comes over Jeongin’s face as he utters his next words.

“Stay for Christmas?”

You scoff and suppress a laugh. Maybe if he wasn’t still on a high from the formal, you would've considered asking your parents again this year. But what’s the point if they’ll just say no?

“Not a chance, now go home.”

After making sure Jeongin climbed into his bedroom window, Jisung turns the car around and takes you home. As he pulls into your driveway, you quickly notice how all of the lights are off in your house, minus the porch light. You let out a sigh of relief—your parents must be asleep.

You unbuckle your seatbelt and turn to Jisung with a smile. “Thank you, Jisung,” you hum. “Tonight was fun.”

“That's alright, sugarplum, glad to be of service,” he shoots you a toothy grin and salutes.

You once again wince at the nickname, but decide to let it go this time. You quickly lean across the dashboard and place a kiss on Jisung’s cheek. “And thank you for what you said earlier, it meant a lot.”

Jisung chuckles as you pull away. “You’re not falling for me, now, are you?” he quips.

“Don’t ruin the moment.” You slap him on the arm, and pause for a moment before opening the car door. “Just, thank you for tonight, seriously.”

“Y/N, it’s fine, I had fun too.” Jisung smiles. “Just make sure to get inside, it’s cold.”

You smile back and hum once more. Shutting the car door behind you, you rush your way up to your front porch before turning back to Jisung with a final wave. Then, you’re met with warmth, welcoming you after a long trip away as you get ready for bed.

The next morning, however, you’re greeted by two very angry parents.

By the time you got home last night, both your parents were already asleep, so you thought you had successfully gotten away with everything. Even if they were awake, they had no way to know what you did. But it turns out Jeongin’s cousin, Jungwon, caught him sneaking in and immediately snitched to his parents, who, in turn, texted yours, and probably Jisung’s as well.

Let's just say that you are now grounded well into the new year. No going out for a whole month, except maybe the Christmas party next week, if your parents are feeling generous.

You know it’s going to suck being confined to your house for the entirety of winter break, but you suppose that’s the price you pay for being a loyal best friend. If anyone was going to help Jeongin sneak out to a school dance, it’s you—even if you wouldn’t be the one to go with him in the end.

You’d do it again in a heartbeat.

17 years old.

“Can I open my eyes now?” you whine.

“Nooo,” Jeongin drones from behind you, “just be patient. It’ll be worth it, I promise.”

You sigh impatiently as he guides you by the shoulders to… somewhere. The December cold swirls around you, biting at your cheeks as you attempt to swivel your head and look around. You don’t know why you even bothered trying, though, as Jeongin had tied a black cloth over your eyes before he drove you off to this mystery location.

Despite this, he still instructed you to keep your eyes shut. It felt excessive, but you obliged to make him happy.

“Fine, but do I really need the blindfold?” You bend your head up and over, looking to your best guess as to where Jeongin is. You can feel his hands on your shoulders, so wherever you’re staring couldn’t have been far off.

“Yes— well, not really.” Jeongin laughs sheepishly and he helps you onto what you assume is a crosswalk. “It was Jisung’s idea.”

You snort, shaking your head to yourself as you try your best to walk in a straight line. “Of course it was.”

Upbeat chatter and Christmas music dances around your ears as you near the still-unknown location. You can’t see a thing, but you can already feel the aura of holiday cheer everywhere around you, just waiting to sweep you off your feet. It is just a week shy of Christmas, after all.

Soon Jeongin comes to a stopping point, and you feel his hands leave your shoulders. “Can I take off the blindfold now?” you frown, bouncing on the balls of your feet.

“Yah, just wait!” Jeongin scolds, but you hear a light chuckle quickly follow. “Patience, Y/N.”

You feel his fingers gently graze your hair after a moment, finding its way to the knot on the back of your head. He gets it undone quickly, but holds the cloth around your head as he counts down.

“Three… two… one…” he says softly, slowly removing the blindfold from your eyes and unveiling the scene in front of you.

The glinting lights make you wince for a moment before your eyes get used to the new sudden brightness. You gasp at the sight in front of you, almost jumping out of your shoes in joy. Thousands of Christmas lights are hung up around trees, swirled around lamp posts, and hung overhead for people to walk under. It is breathtaking, truly breathtaking.

You spin around to face Jeongin in an instant. His smile almost puts the lights out of business. “You brought me to the lights?”

“No, I brought you to the desert.” The boy rolls his eyes, his words coated with sarcasm—but still, he smiles. “Yes, I brought you to the lights, dummy.”

His warmth soon overtakes yours as you wrap your arms around his neck and pull him in close. He freezes for a moment, but soon lets his arms wrap around your waist. He squeezes you tight one final time before he pulls away, looking at you with a tender smile.

“We should go, don’t want to miss out on the lights, do you?”

You aren’t sure if he meant to grab your hand as he drags you away, but you don’t do anything to let go, either. You just stare down at your enjoined hands as you follow him, the background noise blurring away into nothing, overtaken by your heartbeat ringing in your ears.

Minutes seem to tick by before you can bring yourself to look up again. Your gaze lands on the back of Jeongin’s head, and it only seems to intensify when he swiftly turns his head. Something about the way his hair flowed with the quick action almost makes you dizzy, and you have to look back down to shake yourself out of it.

You finally have the courage to let your eyes trail back up again a moment later. Immediately, something in the air feels different. Jeongin had turned back to check on you, and a cluster of yellow and white lights seemed to give him a halo-like ring above his head. The music and chatter blurs around you once again, fading into a quiet buzz as your body stiffens and you nearly lose your breath. It’s like you’re the main character of one of those animes Jeongin tried to get you to watch, like the one where the boy and the girl stumble upon a field of fireflies together in the middle of the night. Here you two are, a mere speck amongst the thousands of lights, yet the boy in front of you seems to shine brighter than them all.

It’s strange to think about. You are here for the Christmas lights—no, Jeongin brought you here for the Christmas lights—but all you can focus on is him.

“Are you okay?”

The three words and a light squeeze of your hand pull you back down to earth. You didn’t realize Jeongin stepped closer to you, and you feel yourself exhale shakily, your hand slowly slipping from his grasp.

You stare back with wide eyes, and something inside you compels you to step closer to him. “Y-Yeah,” is all you manage to get out.

The colorful lights seem to flicker as you look around. For a second, they do feel like little fireflies, floating around you as they emit their warmth. And when your gaze lands back on the boy in front of you, the warmth seems to encircle you even more. You nearly forget about the cold nipping at your cheeks, and a rosy glow fills them instead.

“It’s just… I…”

As your eyes meet Jeongin’s once again, you can’t help but notice a slight redness in his cheeks as well. His lips curve upward slightly, and he gently takes your hands in his.

“I know. It’s beautiful.”

You smile up at Jeongin and notice something moving behind him. You squint, looking past his ear, and find those all-too-familiar fluffy crystals fluttering down. Immediately, your jaw drops and your smile grows wider.

“Jeongin, look!” You let go of one of his hands and point to the snow surrounding you.

The scene unfolding around you leaves you awestruck. The colors from the lights bounce off the falling snowflakes, and the music seems to chime more vividly as the snow whisks around, making everything feel brighter and more alive. You feel like your head is spinning as you swivel around, sparkles in your eyes that could rival the spectacle in front of you.

A shaky breath leaves your lips as you take one more step towards Jeongin. Your hands slowly find their way up his shoulders and around his neck, and you let his body heat swaddle you, wrapping you up in a wintry glow as you take it all in. It truly feels like you’re in a dream.

Jeongin follows your gaze and chuckles, a fond smile on his face as he gently pulls you closer. “Yes, Y/N, I know what snow is. Is snow bad?”

You look at him again, your wide, shimmering eyes meeting his warm ones. In that moment, nothing else mattered: just you, the snow, and the boy in front of you.

“It's perfect.”

And like the blonde girl in the firefly scene, you’d give anything for the moment to last forever.

…

“Where were you?”

Your mother’s words nearly make you jump out of your skin the second you step in the house, and you hiss to yourself. Your time with Jeongin at the light festival had swept you off your feet so much that you forgot you weren’t even supposed to be there.

After the events from last year, your parents had grounded you for a whole month, effectively barring you from even stepping foot outside of the house unless it was to school and back. Even worse, they grew so concerned about your so-called “excessive time with this boy” that they placed a strict curfew on you once your grounding sentence was lifted. No seeing friends—read: no seeing Jeongin—after 8pm, lest unspeakable things happen to you. It was ridiculous, not only because you’re seventeen, but because, somehow, your best friend since you were nine was now this supposed threat.

The only way you had been able to skirt around this was to lie, usually about studying at a coffee shop with an unnamed friend. You can’t remember what excuse you gave this time, but at this point, it didn’t matter much.

Your mother crosses her arms, a look of disapproval etched on her features. “Where were you, really? And don’t say the school library this time.”

You curse to yourself, your mistake dawning on you. Why'd you pick a Saturday night to say you were meeting up with some friends at the school library? Did your excitement over Jeongin and his ‘mystery surprise’ really mess with your head that much? It couldn’t have been him… could it?

After a minute, you conclude that you just slipped up after exhausting your list of excuses over the course of the year. It was bound to happen.

“Well?” your mother says expectantly.

You just sigh, throwing up your hands in defeat. “I was with Jeongin.”

Your eyes flick up, waiting for her next frustrated ramble about how you’ve been spending too much time with him. Instead, you get a throaty chuckle as she shakes her head at you, a smirk taking the place of her frown.

“Of course you were.”

Blinking, you stare at her in shock. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Nothing! It means nothing.” She turns around, busying herself with wiping some crumbs off the dining table. However, after closer inspection, you see that the table is spotless.

“No, it means something,” you protest. What happened to all her complaints about how much time you’ve spent with Jeongin? Why the sudden change of heart?

“I didn’t say anything, sweetheart,” your mom says. “But did he?”

“Did he what?”

“You know, the three words,” she looks up, sending you a wink and imitating Jeongin, “‘Stay for Christmas?’”

Mortified, you feel heat rush up to your ears as your mother lets out another laugh. “Mom!”

You refuse to admit it to her, but you actually said it first this year.

It was just half an hour ago. Jeongin walked you to your car, a gentle hand on the small of your back as he followed you down his driveway. He wrapped you up in a strong embrace before you could even unlock your car, and you looped your arms around his neck in return, smiling into his shoulder.

The hug was sweet—Jeongin’s hugs, which seemed to increase in frequency lately, always were. But he held you for a second longer than normal in this one, and when you tried to let go, he let out a small whine and held you closer to him for one more moment. The move took you by surprise, but you hugged him back nonetheless.

You let your eyes flutter shut as you melted into his hold, letting your head fall against his chest. The sound of his heartbeat could’ve lulled you to sleep if you let it, and the light snowfall twirling around you two certainly didn’t help matters. Gradually, you relaxed your arms, letting them hang loosely around his neck, and you let out a contented sigh. You truly never felt more at peace.

Maybe it was safe to say something in the air shifted while you were wrapped up in each other’s arms. Usually, he’d give you a fond chuckle and a curt pat on the back right before he pulled away and took off. But when the two of you finally let go, you opened your eyes to find him smiling down at you. Something akin to affection swam in his soft irises as he slowly pulled back, his hands gently resting on your waist. It was… different, for sure, especially coming from him.

You smiled back warmly, linking your hands together behind his neck. “Are you okay?” you asked, your voice barely above a whisper.

Jeongin nodded his head, an adoring smile still tugging at his lips. “Just… got a lot on my mind, that’s all.”

Something seemed to swirl in his features that you couldn’t quite pick up. You registered the return of the light pink on his cheeks and the tips of his ears as you stood under the streetlight together, but nothing else. It was probably just the cold that stirred this up, so you decided not to ask.

You could only stare back at him as you tried to think of something else to say. Something about the position you two were in—arms wrapped around each other under the moonlight—felt too close to lovers in the movies. You couldn’t explain why, but it made your brain go static. And in your attempt to relieve the tension, you gulped once and spat out the first stupid one-liner that came to mind.

“By any chance, are any of those things ‘Stay for Christmas’?”

Of course it had to be that.

Jeongin let out a light scoff, rolling his eyes playfully as he dropped his hands from your waist. You giggled at his disappointment, but you instantly missed the warmth that radiated from him. Luckily, you had half a mind not to say that out loud.

“Okay, moment over,” he mumbled, gently pushing you towards your car. “Get home safe, Y/N.”

“I’m just kidding!” your mother cries in exasperation, bringing your focus back to her. “I know I can’t stop you from seeing him. He is your,” she pauses to make air quotes, “‘best friend’, after all.”

You narrow your eyes at her. “He’s my best friend. No air quotes needed.”

Your mother nods, clearly not believing you. “Right… for now.”

Feeling more blood rush to your face, you roll your eyes and unceremoniously march upstairs. “Goodnight, mom.”

She’s crazy, right? Absolutely. You know yourself and you know your friendships better than anyone. You and Jeongin are best friends for a reason—nothing more, and certainly nothing less. The way you felt like you were on cloud nine just hours ago? It was a one-time thing, you were just fascinated by the lights.

Jeongin had nothing to do with it.

18 years old.

Your scarf is wrapped tightly around your neck and face in attempts to shield yourself from the cold. You jump on the balls of your feet in place as you wait for one of the Yang family to open the door and invite you into the familiar warmth. It’s pretty much tradition at this point to spend at least part of Christmas Eve with the Yangs, but they’re hosting the Christmas party this year so it’s just another reason to stop by.

Shoving your hands into your coat pockets, your eyes brighten when you see movement through the front door window. Soon enough, Mrs Yang opens up the door with a smile of her own.

"Y/N!" She sings, ushering you in before she pulls you into a hug. "I think Jeongin's still asleep, so you can do those honors?" She chuckles.

You pull away, slip off your coat and scarf, and hang them up before you rush up the stairs. "Leave it to me, Mrs. Yang!"

Once you’re up the top of the stairs, you creep down the hallway and knock on the door. When you get no response, you just let yourself in.

The scene in front of you is something you expect, but it brings a fond smile to your face nonetheless. Jeongin is spread out across his bed, his blanket bunched up around his chin. His hair is all fluffy from a good night’s sleep and his face looks peaceful as he snores lightly, like nothing in the world could ever hurt him.

Going over to his bed, you let yourself fall onto it and your head rest on the pillow next to him. Examining his face, you notice how his eyelashes lay against his cheeks and how his lips part slightly as he breathes.

"I can feel you staring at me," Jeongin says, his eyes still closed.

You clutch your chest in surprise as you roll onto your back. "Oh my god, why do you have to scare me like that?” you cry, staring at the ceiling. "You could have said you were awake."

"But then you wouldn't get your chance to admire me," he chuckles as he finally opens his eyes.

"Shut up, no I wasn't!"

"I don't know, your stare felt pretty heavy to me."

You glare at him, flying up and off of his bed before ripping the blanket off of him.

"Y/N! What the hell?!" Jeongin gasps, shooting up so he’s sitting. "What if I was naked?!"

"I know you too well, you don't sleep naked." You bend down to stare at him. "You'd be too scared to sleep naked," you add as you throw his blanket back onto his bed.

Jeongin rolls his eyes, grabbing the blanket before he wraps it around himself like a burrito. "What are you doing here anyway?" he mumbles. He runs one hand through his hair in an attempt to tame it, but all it really did was make it even more fluffy. Something about it makes your heart quicken its pace.

"Don't you remember what day it is?"

Jeongin blinks slowly, his tiredness showing. "Friday?"

You groan, sitting down on his bed again before quickly grabbing his pillow to hit him with it. "It's the Christmas," hit, "party,” another hit, “you idiot!"

You attempt to hit him again, but he catches the pillow with his hands and pulls it away from you.

This only causes you to stumble into him, also making Jeongin fall back in the process. A gasp escapes your lips and you use your hand to stop yourself from head-butting the groggy boy. You blink quickly, his eyes gazing into your own. His nose brushes up against yours ever-so-slightly, and you clear your throat, your cheeks flushing.

"This is your fault,” you attempt to joke.

"Me?!" Jeongin scoffs. "You hit me first!" Mimicking his words silently, you roll your eyes. "Uh, but can you move, you're a bit heavy."

Your eyes widen and you scoot away with lightning speed. "Sorry.” You blink, staring down to play with your fingers in your lap.

"By the way," Jeongin says, "I didn't forget today was the Christmas party."

“Well, that’s why I’m here early, to help out,” you mutter, your face still down.

Out of the corner of your eye, you watch as Jeongin gets off of his bed, goes over to his drawers and pulls out the first shirt he finds before pulling his pajama top over his head. You jump and turn in the opposite direction, your cheeks fully flushed.

“Jeongin!” you whine, holding the backs of your hands to your cheeks in an attempt to cool them down. “You could have warned me or told me to leave.”

“Aww, you blushing?” Jeongin snickers. “Never seen a boy undress before?”

Without looking back at him, you try your best to chuck his pillow in his direction. You hear it thump against the wall instead.

“You missed~” Jeongin sings, which makes you scoff.

“And I wasn’t blushing, asshole, just didn’t want to get scarred for life.”

Of course you’re blushing. Especially when he nonchalantly stood and started to strip off his top. And of course you had seen men undress before… in the movies. But there’s no way you’d utter a word of it to Jeongin, not when it would send his already-soaring ego to new heights.

“We both know that your life would actually be improved,” Jeongin chuckles to himself.

He walks across his room and when he comes into your peripheral, you instantly move to cover your eyes. It doesn’t help your reddening cheeks when the sound of Jeongin’s laughter rings out louder.

You feel his fingers wrap themselves around your wrists as you try to fight him from pulling them away from your face. “I’m dressed, idiot, stop being so shy.”

“Stop making fun of me!” you cry and he guides your hands away from your face.

Your eyes meet his and you notice the cheeky smile playing at his lips, which only turns yours into a pout. You only wish he’ll soon forget about this and move on to something different to make fun of you with. However, when you note the playful twinkle in his eyes, you know your prayers won’t be answered.

“Look, you’re blushing so hard!” He continues to smirk.

“I told you, I’m not blushing!”

You attempt to hit him, but with his fingers still wrapped around your wrists, you fail to do so. His grin seems to only grow wider as you roll your eyes and try to pull your wrists from his grasp.

“By the way, Jisung said he was going to stop by later for the party,” you mention. Jeongin’s smile seems to drop slightly at the sound of the older boy’s name.

“Why? He doesn’t live in the neighborhood.”

You shrug as you look at Jeongin with a blank expression. “How am I meant to know how Jisung’s brain works? He's in a world of his own.”

Jeongin hums, his gaze dropping to the floor.

“But in all seriousness,” you start, “he said something about missing us, and that, like, his college just isn’t the same without us?” you suggest. “Also, there was something about this girl he really likes and magic snow and shit,” you add, which causes Jeongin to snort.

“Did he actually say this or you making it up?”

“It’s more like reading between the lines, if you will,” you giggle.

“So he didn’t say shit, you’re just making it up as you go along.”

Jeongin crosses his arms over his chest as he stares at you, waiting for you to formulate your next response. But when the only one he gets is you playfully hitting his arm, he rolls his eyes for the nth time.

“Don’t we have to help set up the party or something? Or a movie to watch?”

“Right, yeah. We should do that.”

Jeongin laughs and as soon as he grabs your hand, flashbacks instantly flare up in your mind from the year before, of the Christmas lights he took you to see—of the way he seemed to shine under them all. You make sure to wish again that he won’t notice the new blush that presented itself as you thought of that time.

You keep quiet, not wanting to give yourself away as Jeongin gently pulls you out with him. You let your eyes gloss over his room once more. You’ve been in here a thousand times before and it seemed to grow with him over the years, and in a way, it grew with you, too. You remember the days when his bed was adorned with Toy Story bedsheets, Woody’s face front and center on his comforter (but you knew Rex was his favorite character). It had long since been traded in for sleek, black sheets—arguably more fitting for someone who is waiting for his first choice university, at the other side of the country, to respond with his admission decision.

And although you’ve been here a thousand times before, something new on his dresser catches your eye.

“Wait, is that…?”

Letting go of his hand, you make your way to the dresser, moving a crumpled up piece of paper out of the way to reveal a photo. It’s from when you were both ten years old; nearly a year after you had first met on the monkey bars, about two weeks before that classroom Christmas party. Mrs. Yang had taken Jeongin to a lights festival one December weekend, like the one you went to last year, and she happened to invite you and your parents along. You and Jeongin stood together in the center of the picture, and a giant Christmas tree towered behind your small frames. The mirthful glow of the tree enveloped the two of you as you posed for the photo, jolly smiles plastered on both of your faces.

Gasping in surprise, your lips part slightly as you take the photo in your hands. “No way…” you murmur softly, and you look up at Jeongin as he makes his way to you. “How… how did you find this?”

Jeongin peers over your shoulder. He gently holds the frame in one hand, his fingers brushing against yours as he smiles fondly. “My mom stumbled across it a couple months ago. She was digging through old photo albums and found this tucked in the back of one of them.” His thumb grazes over the glass. “She framed it and gave it to me, I guess she knew how important it was.”

You blink several times, hoping he doesn't catch the way your eyes briefly well with tears as you take in the details of the picture. You remember that night vividly and all the memories from it seem to come flooding back all at once.

It was your first ever Christmas lights festival, and it was nothing short of magical. The vibrant holiday lights glistened all around you, rivaling the sparkles in your wide eyes. The bells in the soft Christmas music gently tinkled in your ears, as if Santa himself was reminding you he would be on his way soon. The gooey, fresh-baked (and rather expensive) chocolate chip cookie you had split with Jeongin, paired with the rich (and also questionably pricey) hot chocolate you had begged your mom to buy along with it, brought even more warmth pooling in your belly as you leaped down the lit-up aisles with your best friend.

Looking back, perhaps that was what sparked your ongoing Christmas obsession. Sure, it didn’t snow that night, but seeing the bright bulbs all around you twinkling like stars in the sky captivated you wholly, wrapping little ten-year-old you in a warm, merry glow. It calmed the impatience for Christmas bubbling inside you by the day, but lit the fire inside you for the awaited day like never before. And best of all, your best friend was right by your side, being pulled into the evening’s embrace with you.

You notice one very important detail in the picture, though, that breaks your bubbling sentimentality, and instead makes you giggle.

“Oh my god, it’s the sweater.”

The fact that the picture was taken at night and the lights added a yellow glare to the photo made it difficult to spot. But one could take a closer look and see that, indeed, Jeongin was sporting that obnoxious purple sweater under his puffy blue coat.

Jeongin lets his hand drop, leaving the frame in yours as he frowns in offense. “Heyyy, it was comfy!”

You stifle another laugh. “Doesn’t change the fact that it was ugly as hell.”

He sneers at you, “Oh please, like you didn’t wear hideous clothes when you were ten!”

You shrug as you pull the frame up to eye level and continue to giggle. “Maybe, but nothing will beat that sweater.”

You lunge out of the way as Jeongin tries to wrap his arms around you and grab the photo from your grasp. However, a giggle escapes your lips as Jeongin’s fingers graze your side, which causes you to jump away from him.

A knowing smirk appears on his face. Your eyes widen.

“Don’t you even think about it.��

Jeongin doesn’t listen to you though, and his hands are already at your sides. Your grip on the photo tightens in an attempt to not drop it as your eyes prickle with tears. Jeongin’s fingers run up and down your sides as he tickles you, and causes a mix of gasps and laughter to escape your throat.

“Jeongin!” You continue to laugh as you try to step away from him.

Jeongin thinks quicker. Instead of torturing you more, though, you’re surprised that he chooses to pull you closer to him instead, wrapping his arms around your waist.

“I got you now!” His giggle rings in your ears as he wiggles you like a rag doll. You halfheartedly try to push him away, protesting in between your own giggles.

“Stop itttt, you asshole!”

He seems to listen to you this time, too, and lets you go. However, an evil grin lingers on his face.

You inch back cautiously, keeping a careful watch for his next move. He responds by slowly leaning closer, his smile stretching wider and wider. You slowly move your hands up to your sides to protect yourself from another tickle ambush, a nervous giggle slipping out.

He seems to inch closer and closer to you, and he stops right before your noses can touch, a shit-eating grin on his face. Then he mumbles, flashing his eyebrows:

“Stay for Christmas?”

You groan exasperatedly and lightly push the cheeky boy away from you.

“Oh my god, Jeongin!”

Jeongin breaks out into shy giggles as he steps closer to you, poking you playfully. You have to bite the inside of your cheek to stop yourself from doing the same whilst you try and swat his hands away.

“Come baaaack!” He chuckles after a moment, stepping close enough to wrap his arms around you again.

“Get me out!” You cry out as you try to break free. Your giggly demeanor completely breaks, however, when Jeongin just hugs you closer to him, taking you by surprise one more time.

“No,” you feel him hum through your shoulder, tucking his head in it when you try to step away. “Don’t move.”

You fight and lose to the smile that appears on your face as you wrap your own arms around his shoulders.

You can’t explain how in moments like this, he easily causes your heart to race by doing the littlest things. It makes you wonder if he can feel your heartbeat right now as you’re pressed up against him. If he can, he doesn’t say anything.

“Ahem.”

A familiar voice breaks the silence hanging around you two. You both break away from the hug, keeping your gaze cast downwards as you turn to face Jisung. He had swung the door open at some point and was now leaning coolly against the doorframe as he watches you two.

Seeing you both cower under his gaze seems to amuse him greatly, and a smirk makes its way onto his face. “What was that?” he says, failing to hide the chuckle threatening to spill out.

You stuff your hands in your pockets as you sputter. “It– it’s not what it– we were just–“

“We were just reminiscing, Jisung,” Jeongin grumbles from beside you, his arms crossed over his chest. His cheeks seem to burn red as Jisung grins wider.

You simply nod along with Jeongin. “Yeah, reminiscing. What he said,” you murmur.

“Oh, you keep telling yourself that, baby.” He chuckles, running a hand through his hair, which he had seemed to let grow out during his time away.

He lets out a satisfied sigh before he continues. “Ahh, I knew this would happen! It was snowing by the time I got here, so I figured you two were up here together,” he wiggles his eyebrows for emphasis, “alone. And you called me crazy!”

You want to roll your eyes at his antics, but you can only chuckle fondly. Sure, it seems like the now-college boy still believes in magic snow, but you have to admit: you did miss hearing him gush about it all the time.

“Yeah, yeah,” you say, “why’d you come up here anyway?” You seize the opportunity to wiggle your eyebrows back at him. “Did you miss us?”

It’s now Jisung’s turn to roll his eyes at you. “Mrs. Yang was looking for you two so she sent me up here,” he says, dodging your question.'' You know the party started already, right?”

Your eyes widen, and you and Jeongin flush in embarrassment again.

“Oh, right,” Jeongin mumbles, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly as he exits the room. “The party.”

You place the framed photo of you two on the foot of Jeongin’s bed before following him out. Jisung holds the door open for you two, his smirk getting cockier by the minute.

The older boy pokes both your and Jeongin’s cheeks as you step out of Jeongin’s room. “For the record, I did miss you two.”

You snort, reaching a hand up to ruffle his hair before the three of you make your way downstairs. “I know.”

19 years old.

“You’re cheating!”

Hyunjin’s voice nearly makes your ears ring. He really has no need to be speaking so loud, as you’re literally right next to him.

You grip your controller tighter as he tries to swipe it from you with his hand, and you lean away from him.

“Am not!” You yell back, your eyes focused on the tiny Nintendo Switch screen. “You just suck at this game.”

At the same time as Hyunjin gasps, Felix and Seungmin burst into laughter at your response from the other end of Jisung’s bed. At the corner of your eye, you notice Felix fall to the ground amidst his fit of giggles.

“Just get better, Jinnie,” you quip, a confident smirk tugging at your lips.

Even with Hyunjin trying to swat you like a bug, you still manage to keep your eyes locked on the game. Your chosen character, Toad, remained in first place, and after getting a green shell from a lucky box, you send it backwards, causing Hyunjin’s Princess Daisy to spin out.

He gets passed by multiple NPCs, landing him in 10th place with one lap to go. The way he grumbles and glares at the screen only increases yours and the other two boys’ laughter.

You’ve successfully maintained your first place title as you raced around Moo Moo Meadows. That is, until halfway through the last lap, when a voice pulls your attention from the game.

“Why are only two of you playing?” Jeongin says, entering the room with a bowl of popcorn in his hands. At the sound of his voice, you shoot up out of your seat and look at him with a smile.

“Jisung only has two controllers and Felix was dumb and forgot his,” Seungmin snorts, which causes the blonde boy to pout.

“Hey!”

Hyunjin goes silent, his own eyes narrowed on his half of the screen as he slowly creeps up the positions.

“About time you showed up,” you giggle, “thought you weren’t going to come.”

Jeongin laughs, rubbing the back of his neck. “Sorry, had a few things to do first, but I’m here now.”

Gasps erupt from Seungmin and Felix, and Hyunjin cries in triumph as he throws his hands and the controller into the air. Your head snaps to the game and your mouth falls open as you find Princess Daisy listed as first place, dancing in her car as she continued around the track—whereas Toad, in your distracted state, had been passed by all of the NPCs and was in dead last, “DNF” flashing on your half of the screen and on your 12th place ranking in the middle.

“You cheated!” You gasp at Hyunjin, throwing yourself back down onto the couch as you mash the ’A’ button.

“Just get better Y/Nie,” Hyunjin remarks as he grins mockingly, using your own words against you.

“You guys did this on purpose,” you huff, glaring at the boy who just ruined your five-game-win streak. “Rematch, now.”

“But it was meant to be our go next!” Felix cries, his pout exaggerated.

“Maybe Hyunjin shouldn’t have cheated!”

“Maybe you should have stayed focused!” Hyunjin fights back.

“Where's Jisung?” Jeongin asks out of the blue, and you motion to the door without saying a word. Jeongin snorts, nodding his head. “Thanks.”

He leaves the four of you in the tiny dorm room to join Jisung wherever he was outside—you assumed the convenience store by the dorm lobby. Your attention gets caught once again when your phone lights up, a message notification greeting you on your lockscreen.

baby: outside :)

you: be right there :)

You chuck the controller to Felix, and he jumps in surprise. “You can play now, I need to go get someone,” you state simply, but the grin on your face seems to give you away.

A single “huh?” escapes Felix’s mouth as the other two boys watch you with curious eyes. Not letting their gaze disturb you, you head to Jisung’s front door.

You open it swiftly to be met with your fairly new boyfriend, Heeseung. you met him after starting college this past semester through a mutual friend, and have been dating for around two months now. you don’t remember what drew you to him in the first place, but one thing is clear—he’s so damn cute.

Your cheeks heat up quickly at the sight of him. His fluffy brown hair was hidden underneath a hat and the bits of his fringe that did stick out fell against his forehead.

“Hey.” you smile, taking a step towards him.

“Hi,” he responds, wrapping his arms around your waist which you reciprocate. “Sorry I’m late.”

“All good,” you hum into his shoulder. “All the boys are here. I’d say they’re not crazy, but I’d be lying.”

You feel Heeseung’s chuckle vibrate through you. “It's fine, you’ve met my friends, how much worse can they be?”

Pulling away slightly so you could look at him, you push your lips into a thin line and feign a concerned look.

“Eh, they’re something, alright,” you drop the fake look, chuckling.

“They finally have those snacks downstairs~!”

Jisung swings the door open, prompting you to turn around. He’s beaming and there’s a bounce in his step as a bag of chips sways in his hand, but it all dissipates into an inquisitive, perhaps even nosy, stance once he sees the boy whose arms are wrapped around you.

“Who's this?” The chestnut-haired boy tilts his head, his eyebrows drawn together.

You can’t help the smile that adorns your face. “Jisung, this is Heeseung, my boyfriend.”

You gesture one hand towards Heeseung himself, and you grin wider as he pulls you closer, nuzzling your nose against his shoulder. When you settle your head against his chest, you look back at Jisung and his jaw is practically on the floor.

“Boyfriend?!”

Oh boy.

Heeseung chuckles again, shyly this time. He glances down at you, unsure of what to say, and you take that as your cue to do most of the talking.

“Yeah?” you affirm with a nod, but your statement sounds more like a question. “Is… is that bad?”

Jisung, still in a shocked state, opens and closes his mouth like a fish. He brings a hand to the back of his neck, rubbing it nervously. “Oh, no, of course not! I’m happy that you’re happy, it’s just…”

Heeseung cocks an eyebrow at the older boy. “It’s just…?” He repeats, trailing off at the end like Jisung did.

You want so desperately to pretend you don’t know what Jisung meant by that last bit, but the fact that you catch three heads peeking from around Jisung’s bed only seems to prove your suspicions correct. Looks like Seungmin wasn’t exaggerating when he mentioned that “Jisung has told us so much about you!” when you met him and the others an hour ago. From the way Jisung glances fervently between you and the door, though, it’s safe to assume the majority of what he said involved Jeongin in some context.

Maybe you should’ve told them ahead of time the “plus one” you were bringing to the Christmas hangout was, in fact, your boyfriend. In hindsight, it was foolish of you to assume they’d get the memo from the mere mention of “plus one.” And by someone, you meant Jisung—the main man on the “Y/Ninnie train”, as he liked to call it.

Funny enough, you were just following his advice from that winter formal back in high school: date and move on. Sure, it was three years too late, and there wasn’t anything in particular that you needed to move on from, but advice is advice.

Still, you send the flustered boy a stern glare. You were not getting Heeseung involved in his shenanigans if it’s the last thing you do.

But you notice Jeongin stumble in the room, bag of gummy bears in hand, and Jisung’s eyes grow wide. Your voice nearly strangles, but you quickly snap out of it before Heeseung can notice.

“And this is Jeongin,” you gesture to the hooded boy, “my best friend.”

You don’t notice the way Jeongin’s smile falls slightly as his eyes land on you, though your eyes trail after him as he wordlessly shuffles past you two and plops on Jisung’s bed.

Jisung seems to recompose himself, and he steps closer to you and Heeseung, holding out a hand. “Heh, I’m sorry about that,” he laughs nervously, but Heeseung smiles curtly and shakes his hand. “Make yourself at home, we’re happy to have you here.”

“No worries, man.”

Jisung leaves you two alone, but you don’t miss the look he gives Jeongin. It’s full of concern, and you can’t pinpoint why.

Blinking, you shake off the sinking feeling in your chest, and take Heeseung’s hand as you two move to a spot on the floor by Seungmin’s feet, as the bed was all occupied.

Heeseung snakes his arm around your shoulders as you both focus on the tiny console screen. Felix and Hyunjin were on their last lap of Cheep Cheep Beach, neck-in-neck with each other, and you both chuckle at the boys’ chaotic screams as they pass each other back and forth.

You notice throughout the evening that Jeongin will occasionally meet your gaze when you glance his way. Each time, he opens his mouth to speak and there’s this look pooling in his eyes—some mix of longing but urgency that you can’t sense the reason behind. Regardless, your chest tightens at the sight.

You observe Jeongin whisper something to Jisung, ignoring and trying to filter out the screams of the other three boys as they argue over who gets to be Yoshi, but it’s no use.

“Are you okay?” Heeseung asks softly, the hand around your shoulders gently rubbing your arm.

You gulp but nod, not taking your eyes off of Jeongin but leaning into Heeseung’s side. “Yeah.”

An hour or so passes, and it seems like the awkward glances have only increased in frequency—not just from Jeongin, but between the other boys, too. It eats at you inside not knowing why. All you have gathered so far is that it definitely involves you and Jeongin.

“Hey, Heeseung, is it?'' Felix suddenly pipes up. Both you and Heeseung look up to his spot in the middle of Jisung’s bed, his legs criss-cross applesauce.

“What’s up?” Heeseung responds.

Felix smiles and hands Heeseung his Switch controller. “Wanna play a round? You haven’t had a turn yet.”

A smile of Heeseung’s own forms on his face as he takes the controller in his hands, slowly moving his arm from your shoulders as he hops on the bed. “Oh, bet!”

You’re happy to watch your boyfriend get along with Jisung’s friends as if they were your own—in a way, they kind of are. But one look at Jeongin and all that comes crashing down, seeing the longing look in his eyes.

You still don’t know what’s wrong. Is it because of Heeseung? Does he have some unspoken beef with him? If so, why were all his gazes targeted at you and not him?

Jeongin looks back at Jisung hopelessly, and you attempt to eavesdrop as they whisper amongst themselves. Again, the other boys in the room are too loud for you to get anything useful.

That is, until you glance back at the screen as Seungmin and Heeseung go head-to-head on Rainbow Road, and Jisung scolds Jeongin out of the blue—probably louder than he intended to.

“You need to tell Y/N. Now.”

Your head snaps their direction. Your gaze lands on Jisung for speaking so loud, but slowly shifts to Jeongin. The other boys seem to fall silent, too.

“Tell me what?”

You’re already driving yourself crazy trying to figure it out. All you want is an answer.

Jeongin sighs and sits next to you on the floor. You carefully follow his movements with your eyes. He clasps his hands together, resting them on top of his knee. He opens his mouth to speak, and you nod expectantly.

And… nothing.

After a minute of strangled silence, Jeongin sighs in defeat and drags his feet as he shuffles back to Jisung. The older boy gives him a look you can’t quite read and quietly scolds him some more. The other boys just exchange glances with each other and continue to play Mario Kart quietly, making for the worst awkward silence of your life. So much for your first college hangout.

At least you’re able to pick up some information now. You can barely hear Jisung and Jeongin’s hushed whispers even though the room is largely silent, but you do hear the word “college” over and over.

You guess it makes sense. After months of patiently waiting during your senior year of high school, you remembered Jeongin’s dispirited form when he found out he had been waitlisted for his top choice school. Following that, he’s been going to the state university in your city with you, but he mentioned something offhand about re-applying for the spring semester. Maybe he’s stressed about that, but it seems like Jisung has it covered for now.

Still, they both look over at you with those concerned, longing stares, and it’s not hard to miss.

Even after you get another turn on the Switch, you’re still left with an uncomfortable feeling in the pit of your stomach by the end of the night. Yes, you won another cup and got your sweet, sweet revenge on Hyunjin for earlier, but it does nothing to tell you why Jeongin hasn’t spoken a word to you all night. Well, he tried to, but look how well that went.

It seemed like everyone around you knew except, well, you. You hate that feeling, but at least, whatever it was, Heeseung wasn’t involved. He doesn’t need to be thrown in whatever drama had concocted under your nose, especially not during his first time meeting them all.

By the time the boys start heading out, with Jeongin being the first to go, you’re practically squirming in your spot. You can’t take this anymore.

You give Heeseung a goodbye peck as he slips his coat on and leaves the dorm. “Thanks for inviting me, I had a great time.”

You smile. “I’m glad. I’ll see you tomorrow, yeah?”

Heeseung nods, leaning down to kiss your cheek once more before exiting the dorm. That left just you and Jisung, and you turn towards the wide-eyed boy the second the door clicks shut.

“Okay, what is going on?” You don’t mean to snap, but your pent-up emotions get the better of you as you storm toward Jisung. “You and Jeongin have been acting weird all night. Actually, all of you have! What the hell, Jisung!”

“Y/N—” Jisung tries to speak, but you cut him off quickly.

“Was it Heeseung? He didn’t even do anything wrong, he was the quietest one here besides Jeongin!”

“Y/N—”

“And you think I’m not gonna notice you and my best friend staring at me like you two just did?” You stop to take a breath, and you feel heat rush to your ears the more you think about this. “How do you think Heeseung felt?! Is this some kind of sick joke?”

“Y/N, listen.”

Jisung’s soft voice makes you step back. It’s the same tone he gave you in the school parking lot when you were sixteen.

“Jeongin got into the school he wanted for spring semester. He’s been trying to tell you for weeks, he— he just didn’t know how. He leaves tomorrow morning.”

You freeze, and your heart sinks to your stomach. It’s like everything around you comes to a stand-still and the world goes deathly silent. All your attempts to speak go unheard as all you do is open and close your mouth, unable to formulate a sentence, let alone a single thought.

A long list of questions fly through your mind at rapid speed. Why didn’t he say something? Why didn’t you push him to say something? Why did he not want to tell you when Heeseung was there? Why couldn’t you have just stayed with him instead?

“What?”

You feel Jisung gently place a hand on your shoulder as he frowns. He pulls you in close and wraps his arms around your shoulders. That's when you notice tiny dots dampening his shirt and you finally realize you’re crying.

[go to part two HERE]

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autumnshighlady · 2 years ago

Text

I’ve Always Liked to Play With Fire (part 10)

NESTA ARCHERON X ERIS VANSERRA X FEMALE!READER

summary: the Winter Solstice is finally here, and it’s now or never.

warnings: the usual IC slander, Cassian slander, Nesta calls Cassian out, Rhys is an ass, slight nsfw implications

word count: 8k

DO NOT REPOST ANYWHERE

a/n: I AM SO EXCITED FOR YOU GUYS TO READ THIS YOU HAVE NO IDEA!!! It’s my biggest chapter yet and it’s only the start of a crazy journey. This fic is so special to me and I hope you enjoy x

feedback is appreciated, just no hate pls! these are just my opinions, i’m more curious to see how you all like the writing and characterization and storylines!

part 1 // part 2 // part 3 // part 4 // part 5 // part 6 // part 7 // part 8 // part 9

read on ao3

Spotify playlist

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Weeks went by as the solstice preparations were in full swing. Nesta was constantly pulled aside for dress fittings and dancing practices, getting ready to, as Rhysand had apparently put it, seduce Eris Vanserra.

Training with Azriel was still part of your regular schedule, much to your dismay. Originally, you hadn’t minded the hours you spent with Azriel, working on everything from combat and stealth techniques to mind game exercises. But the news Eris had broken to you had ignited a feeling of dread that awoke every time you walked down the stairs to the training room.

Azriel was willing to step back and let Rhysand send you to the continent to die. It would take years for you to be even remotely ready for such a mission, and the spymaster knew it. Yet he did nothing to try and stop it as the High Lord signed your death sentence. It wasn’t hard to figure out that he wanted you dead – you illegally served as his spy in another court, a crime that could have easily resulted in an act of war. But if you died, then that problem went away for him. It was almost too perfect, you had realized. That way, he got exactly what he wanted: you out of the picture, and Nesta isolated from the influence of someone who could turn her against him.

Every day you tried to think of a way to get out of it, racking your brain for hours on all the possibilities. So far nothing had come from it aside from letting yourself go to the continent and hope that your magical bond with Nesta would extend over such a distance, enough to tell her where you were so Eris could come get you. Eventually. It wasn’t a good plan, too much could go wrong – the limits to how far apart you could be from Nesta and have the mind-speaking still work was unknown. You could be snatched up at any moment and persecuted for being fae. You could get lost, or captured by the enemy and killed. None of it boded well for you, and every night you had nightmares about the possibilities.

Eris had not been back to the Night Court either. Perhaps he had decided that Nesta was enough, and he could leave you to die in the human lands to eliminate the threat of you exposing his plans to kill his father.

You��re double crossing the Night Court for revenge, and trusting you’ll be able to get Eris Vanserra of all people to help you out? What makes you think he won’t just sell you back to them? He’s a cruel, sadistic bastard who shouldn’t be trusted. Tamlin’s words from weeks ago rang in your head. Realistically, he had a point, but part of you knew that you could trust Eris, not that you had another choice.

You missed the Spring Court, heart aching as you thought of those brief few weeks where you were blissfully able to return home. Frequently you wondered how the progress on the sanctuaries was going, if more and more citizens continued to arrive at them. You had not heard anything good or bad from the Spring Court, only Azriel’s occasional comment about Tamlin seemingly minding his own business for now.

In the days before the Solstice, you couldn’t help but feel uneasy. You were in your own head constantly, unable to escape the fear of what would happen. Emerie had knocked you down three times during training way easier than she should have been able to, to the point where Gwyn had asked if you’d hit your head and needed to see a healer. Azriel had glanced at your fumbles throughout the session, but not once brought it up.

Maybe this is good, You had thought to yourself as Gwyn knocked your wooden sword out of your hands. Maybe he’ll see I’m really not ready for this mission and finally convince Rhys to send someone else.

But the spymaster gave no indication of even having had a conversation with Rhys, let alone coming to a conclusion. The uneasiness killed you, gnawing away at you from the inside in a chasm of dread and anxiety.

*********************

You leaned against the edge of the table, rifling through the pages of an old, dusty book Gwyn had handed you. The priestess had invited you and Emerie to the library, wanting to catch Nesta after her dancing lesson with Mor. Both of you had eagerly obliged, and linked arms as you strode into the library. Admittedly, you were hoping to snag a book about the Valkyries, even though Gwyn had explained them to you. Even though you were only doing this training for the sake of getting out of here, the part of you that had bonded with Nesta’s two friends wanted to be a part of the Valkyrie training – to be part of a group of females that fought together against all odds.

“What are you doing here?” Came Nesta’s voice as she came down the stairs to the level where you, Gwyn, and Emerie were.

“I wanted to see where you two work,” Emerie said, tossing the book in her hand with a thump that made the priestess grimace.

“I was showing Emerie and (Y/N) the wonders of Merrill’s office while she’s off at a meeting,” Gwyn said. “I’ve got to go work, but I thought you could bring her around while you shelve.” Gwyn threw her a wry glance. “And dance.”

Nesta rolled her eyes. A few days ago, she had told you that she might have been caught practising her waltzes in the stacks once or twice. Or ten times.

Nesta nodded to Emerie. “Come on.”

But Gwyn said, “Actually, before you two go, I wanted to give you something. Since it’s probably the last time we’ll see each other until Winter Solstice is over.”

You and Nesta and Emerie all swapped confused looks. You asked, “You got us presents?”

Gwyn only said, “I’ll meet you down at your cart.” With that, she dashed into the gloom.

The remaining three of you aimed for Level Five, where Nesta had apparently left her cart. It had been replenished with books needing to be shelved. She explained what she did, but you were only half-listening.

“What?” Nesta asked, voice laced with concern as she noticed the colour leave your cheeks.

Your brows bunched, body shivering with an eerie chill. “I ... I must not have drunk enough water during training.” Everyone had tried out two new Valkyrie techniques that Gwyn had found the night before, and both had been particularly brutal, ordering them to use shields as springboards for launching a fellow Valkyrie into the skies, and to do their abdominal curls bearing the weights of those shields.

No one had managed to cut the ribbon, though Emerie had nicked an edge two days ago.

“What’s wrong?” Nesta pressed.

You felt your eyes glaze over as the memories you tried so hard to push away were screaming in your head. “It’s ... I swear, I can hear my mother screaming down here.” Your hands trembled as she lifted one to brush a strand of hair behind an ear. “I can hear the laughs of the Hybern soldiers as her blood splattered all over them, can hear Sapphyra’s head being ripped from her shoulders…”

Nesta whipped her head to the downward slope to their right. No darkness lurked there, but they were low enough ... “This place is ancient and strange,” she said, even as she processed what you had admitted.

“Let’s go up a level, where the darkness doesn’t whisper so loudly. I’m sure Gwyn will find us easily enough.” She linked her arm with yours, pressing her body close, letting some of her warmth leak into you. Emerie linked her arm into your free one, broken wing gently grazing your back as your friends lead you away from the creeping darkness.

Gwyn did find you, the priestess panting and flushed as she handed out three rectangular parcels, each roughly the size of a large, thin book. “One for each of you.”

Nesta opened the brown paper and beheld a stack of pages filled with writing. You tore into your own as well, letting the packaging fall to the floor as you opened the pages. At the top of the first page, it merely said, Chapter Twenty-One. You read the first few lines beneath it, then nearly dropped the pages.

“This —this is about us.” Nesta said, echoing your thoughts.

Gwyn beamed. “I convinced Merrill to add us into the penultimate chapter. She even let me write it—with her own annotations, of course. But it’s about the rebirth of the Valkyries. About what we’re doing.”

You had no words. Emerie’s hands were once more shaking as she leafed through the pages. “You had this much to say about us?” Emerie said, choking on a laugh.

Gwyn rubbed her hands together. “With more to come.”

You read a line at random on the fifth page. Whether the sun beat hot on their brows or freezing rain turned their bones to ice, Nesta, (Y/N), Emerie, and Gwyneth arrived at practice each morning, ready to …

The back of your throat ached; your eyes stung. “We’re in a book.”

Gwyn’s fingers slid into yours, squeezing tight. Nesta looked up as Emerie’s hand grabbed her own, and then yours. Gwyn smiled again as Nesta clasped onto Gwyn’s free hand, her eyes bright. “Our stories are worth telling.”

“Yes,” You said quietly. “Yes they are.”

Pride filled your chest at the pages written before you – even though you had not known Gwyn and Emerie as long as Nesta, they embraced you with open arms and included you in their training, activities, everything. For the first time since Hybern, you felt surrounded by a group of people who loved you truly.

*********************

You were eating your lunch in the kitchen, picking away at the remaining scraps of chicken sandwich on your plate. Nesta had gone to another dancing lesson, and Emerie was back at her shop while Gwyn worked. So you were left alone with your thoughts in the main level of the House of Wind, trying every mind stilling technique you could think of as anxiety made your stomach churn at the idea of tonight’s ball.

Heavy footsteps sounded from the hallway from someone who knew how to be quiet.

“Azriel,” You mumbled without even turning around. “To what do I owe this pleasure?”

The shadowsinger stepped into your field of view, enormous wings blocking the sunlight that came through the large windows. He had bags under his eyes, as if he had not slept in days. But it was the only tell that something was off, for he remained as stoic as ever.

“You’re invited to the Solstice ball tonight at the Hewn City.” He said, pouring coffee into the mug in his hand.

You raised your eyebrows. “I am?”

Azriel turned to face you. “Yes.”

“What if I don’t want to go?” You did, but that's besides the point. It was funny to annoy the spymaster.

As predicted, he rolled those eyes before taking a sip of the steaming hot coffee. “Well I am not going to drag you down there kicking and screaming. But it would be polite to accept the invitation, as it is from the High Lady.”

Now that was a surprise. “It was?”

“Yes. Nesta is going as well, and she figured it would be easier on Nesta if she had a friend there with her.”

You snorted. “You mean Nesta will behave better if I’m there?”

Those hazel eyes met yours, unflinching. “Yes.”

Sighing, you pushed your plate away, deciding that if you ate another bite of food you’d throw up from nervousness. “You know, if you talk about and treat Nesta like a feral animal, she’s going to bite like one.”

Azriel said nothing, huffing as he downed the rest of the caffeine. The rays of sun glowed around his tall frame, illuminating his high cheekbones. After a moment, he changed the subject. “A dress has been sent to your room for you to wear. Be ready on the balcony by 6.”

*********************

For about an hour, you had sat on your bed staring at the dress, wondering if you should do this. After a lot of back and forth, you swept some black liner across your eyes and braided half of your hair up before slipping into the dress. It was dark blue, the same colour as Azriel’s siphons, and covered in sparkles. The slightly darker skirt was loose, a V-shaped cluster of stars pulling it around your waist. Sparkles plunged down your navel, revealing at least a third of your breasts and sternum. You had uttered the words to vanish the tattoo, praying nothing weird would happen that would cause it to show up, for the plunging neckline revealed the skin where the very mark stood. Two crescent moons faced away from each other right in the centre above your sternum, brighter than the other jewels.

Silver stars and jewels continued along the off the shoulder neckline and the strap just above it that went across your collarones. Attached to where the sleeves would normally be was a long, mesh veil-like piece of stars and glitter that went along the floor and trailed behind you as you walked. While uncomfortable, you couldn’t deny it was beautiful.

You stood beside Azriel one one side of the foot of the black dias, trying not to shake as you stared at the crowd in front of you. Cassian took up the other side, a lethal glare across his features similar to Azriel’s. Morrigan was above you by the throne, representing Feyre and Rhysand until they arrived.

The entire throne room was bedecked in black candles, evergreen wreaths and garlands, and holly berries. The twin banquet tables flanking either side of the massive space overflowed with food, but it was forbidden to all until Feyre and Rhys allowed it. The towering doors to the throne room at last yawned open.

Dark power rumbled through the mountain, warning of their approach. The mountain sang with it. Everyone turned as the High Lord and High Lady appeared, crowned and garbed in black.

Rhys looked his usual self, but Feyre...

The room gasped.

As Azriel had informed you on the flight here, tonight also served another purpose: to tell the world of Feyre’s pregnancy.

She wore a dress of sparkling black panels, and it did nothing to hide her swelling belly. No, it showed off her pregnant womb, gleaming in the candlelight. Rhys’s face was a portrait of smug, male pride. You knew he’d shred anyone who so much as blinked wrong at Feyre into a million bloody ribbons. Indeed, cold violence rippled off Rhys as they walked toward the dais, Feyre’s baby-rich scent filling the air. He’d let everyone here smell it, further confirming that she was with child.

Her serene face was lovely, and her full red lips parted in a smile at Rhys as they aimed for their thrones. Keir looked torn between anger and shock; Eris’s face was carefully neutral. You hadn’t dared look at him until now.

Motion at the back of the room tugged your stare, and then—

Both Nesta and Elain wore black. Both walked behind Rhys and Feyre, a silent indicator that they were a part of the royal family. Had mighty powers of their own. They’d planned it that way apparently, wanting Eris to see for himself how valuable Nesta was.

Nesta in Night Court black threatened to bring you to your knees, and from the glance you snuck at Cassian, his expression said the same. She’d braided her hair over her head in her usual style, but atop it, a delicate tiara of glinting black stone rested, slender spikes jutting upward in a dark corona. Each spike was topped with a tiny sapphire, as if the spikes were so sharp they’d pierced the sky and drawn cobalt blood.

And the dress …

Silver thread embroidered the skintight velvet bodice, the straps so narrow they might as well have been nothing against her moon-white skin. The neckline plunged nearly to her navel, where the silver thread gathered to hold a small sapphire that matched the ones on her crown. The full skirts brushed the dark floor, rustling in the rippling silence. Nesta’s chin remained high, accentuating her long, lovely neck. Her red-painted lips cocked in a feline smirk as her kohl-lined eyes took in the room watching her every breath.

Nesta seemed to glow with the attention. Owned it. Commanded it. You could feel her presence, taste her on your tongue as she approached. It threatened to overwhelm you, but you held it together. You hadn’t seen Nesta before this, having been taken away from the House earlier by Azriel.

Feyre and Rhys took their thrones, and Nesta and Elain came to stand at the foot of the dais, between where you and Azriel were situated opposite of Cassian..

Feyre declared to the assembled crowd, “May the blessings of the Winter Solstice be upon you.”

Keir, whom Azriel had told you about a few hours ago with a disgusted look on his face, scuttled forward, bowing low. “Allow me to extend my congratulations.” It was obvious bullshit.

Eris stalked to his side, not glancing once at you as he passed.. “And allow me to extend mine as well, on behalf of my father and the entire Autumn Court.�� He flashed Feyre a pretty, cultivated smile. “He shall be thrilled by this news.”

Rhys’s mouth curled in a cruel half smile, the stars winking out in his eyes. “I’m sure he will.”

You evened your breathing, heart racing at everything being on the line. Eris knew your plan, he could easily tell Rhys at this very moment what you were up to. Rhys, who had no idea how much you truly knew, would slaughter you instantly – especially bloodily given the audience in front of him.

The High Lord said to no one in particular, “Music.”

An orchestra hidden in a screened-in mezzanine began playing.

Feyre raised her voice and said, “Go—eat.” The crowd undulated as people aimed for the tables.

Only Eris and Keir remained before them. Neither spared Mor so much as a glance, though she smirked down at them, her red dress like a flame in the gloom of the hall.

Feyre commanded the crowd, her voice like thunder at midnight, “Dance.”

People paired off and fell seamlessly into the music. Keir went with them this time.

“Before you join the merriment, Eris,” Rhys drawled, a long black box appearing in his hands, “I’d like to present you with your Solstice gift.”

You kept your face neutral, but panicked. Was the gift Nesta? Surely not even Feyre would let him speak about her sister like that.

Rhys floated the box over to Eris on a night-kissed wind. Let enough of that wind remain, wrapping behind Eris, for you to know it blocked him from sight. From Keir’s sight, specifically.

Eris lifted his brows, flipping open the carved lid. He stiffened, voice going low. “What is this?”

“A present,” Rhys said, and you caught a glimpse of a hilt in the box.

The dagger Nesta had Made. You refrained from balking at the audacity of the High Lord and Lady to take a weapon that Nesta had Made and pass it to another as if it was theirs to give. They had taken Nesta’s apartment, her inheritance, her freedom, and now the one thing she made herself was also snatched away.

Eris sucked in a breath. Feyre said, “You can sense its power.”

“There’s flame in it,” Eris said, not touching the dagger. As if his own magic warned him. He shut the lid, face slightly pale. “Why give this to me?”

“You’re our ally,” Feyre said, a hand resting on her belly. “You face enemies that exist outside of the usual rules of magic. It seemed only fair to give you a weapon that operates outside those rules, too.”

“This is truly Made, then.”

You braced yourself for the truth, the damning, dangerous truth to be revealed about Nesta. But Rhys said, “From my personal collection. A family heirloom.”

“You possessed a Made item and kept it hidden all these years? During the war?”

“Don’t take our generosity for granted,” Feyre warned Eris quietly.

Eris stilled, but nodded. He extended the box back to Rhys. “I’ll leave it in your keeping while I dance, then.” He added with what you could have sworn was sincerity, “Thank you.”

Feyre nodded as Rhys took the box and set it beside his throne. “Use it well.” She smiled softly at Eris. “Ordinarily I would ask you to dance, but my condition has left me unwell enough that I worry about what so much spinning would do to my stomach.” You finally glanced over at Nesta, who just looked bored. Like they hadn’t just given away the dagger she’d Made.

Perhaps it was because Nesta’s eyes had drifted toward the dancing, shimmering throng. As if she couldn’t help herself when the music swelled. She seemed to be half-listening. Maybe music meant more to her than the dagger—more than magic and power.

Feyre noted the direction of Nesta’s stare. “My oldest sister shall take my place.”

Nesta barely glanced at Eris, who pulled his assessing gaze from Elain to stare at the eldest Archeron sister with a mix of wariness and intent as she began walking towards him.

Eris offered an arm, and Nesta took it, her face neutral, her chin high, each step gliding. They halted at the edge of the dance floor, pulling apart to face each other.

Others watched from the sidelines as the dance finished and the introductory strains of the next began, a harp strumming high and sweet. Eris extended a hand, a half smile on his mouth. You resisted the urge to squirm in anticipation at Eris’s upcoming proposal. The ball had only started – it would be hours before the time came to get Nesta out.

As if those harp strings wrapped around Nesta’s arm, she raised it, and placed her hand in his precisely as the last, swift pluck of the harp sounded.

Percussion and horns blasted; low stringed instruments started a rushing stroke of music. A summons to the dance in a countdown to movement. You reminded yourself to breathe as Eris slid his broad hand over Nesta’s waist, tucking her in close. She lifted her chin, looking up into his face as a deep-bellied drum thumped.

And as the violins began their sweeping song, a beckoning back-and- forth, Nesta moved as if her very breath were timed to the music. Eris went with her, and it was clear that he knew the dance’s nuances and exact notes, but Nesta …

She gathered her skirts in her other hand, and as Eris led her into the waltz’s opening movements, her body went loose and taut in so many different places you didn’t know where to look: she was bent and shaped and directed by the sound.

Even Eris’s eyes widened at it—the sheer skill and grace, each movement of her body precisely tuned to each note and flutter of music, from her fingertips to the extension of her neck as she turned, the arch of her back into a held note. You dared a glance at Feyre and Rhys and found even their normally composed faces had gone a bit slack.

The waltz progressed, and you watched with wide eyes as Nesta spun with one arm above her head twelve times as her and Eris moved across the dance floor. The Autumn prince’s eyes were blazing with feral delight, drinking in the elegance of her movements. As they continued to dance and spin you could see, you watched as Eris grew more and more enchanted by the female.

You wondered how much of it was real and how much was an act to justify the proposal he was about to bring forth. You couldn’t blame him for his enamourment, for you felt it too. Both you and Eris saw Nesta for who she truly was, not what the Inner Circle taught her to be. As the pair danced they looked like they were made for each other, unlike whatever she had with Cassian. From the gleam in Eris’s eyes you knew he saw Nesta’s potential, how she needed to be free to spread her wings, not cooped up like a soldier in a camp. It was a sentiment you shared with him, giving you comfort that even if you were never able to join them in Autumn, at least Eris would understand what Nesta needed better than the Night Court.

Eventually, you joined Azriel for a dance, and then Cassian. It was awkward, especially how Cassian took every chance to look over your shoulder in Nesta’s direction. As she spoke in low tones with Eris, Cassian’s grip on your waist tightened.

“That hurts.” You hissed at him, side hurting from the force of his large hand.

“Sorry.” Cassian murmured apologetically, but did not meet your gaze. As you danced with him, his movements got sloppy, distracted by trying to hear whatever Nesta and Eris were saying.

“Get it together,” You snapped under your breath, stepping on his toe deliberately to bring his gaze back to you. “You’re going to make a scene.”

He ignored you, letting go of you and storming over to where Eris and Nesta were dancing.

“Move.”

Cassian’s cold voice cracked through the spell of the music, halting her. He stood before them, amid the sea of people twirling around and around, and even though most wore black, his armour and blades made him seem ... different. It unnerved you.

Eris looked down his straight nose at Cassian. “I don’t take orders from brutes.”

Nesta only said coolly to Cassian, “Am I to understand that you would like to dance with me?”

“Yes.” He was facing away from you, but you didn’t have to see him to know that his eyes simmered with rage.

You clenched your fists, now awkwardly stranded on the dance floor. Cassian was being an asshole, acting like he was entitled to Nesta, like she was his possession that he didn’t like other people touching. It infuriated you – he hadn’t even stayed the night in her bed, yet he behaved as if she was his wife.

Eris bared his teeth at Cassian. “Go sit at your master’s feet, dog.”

“No one likes a selfish partner, Eris.” Nesta said quickly, not so much as looking at Cassian. “Time to share.”

Eris threw her a mocking smile. “We’ll play later, Nesta Archeron.” He ignored Cassian as he fixed his gaze on you. “You look lonely over here, my dear. May I?”

You quickly glanced over at Azriel, who nodded despite his clenched jaw. Cassian had ruffled Eris’ feathers, despite still needing his allegiance. You could see the message in Azriel’s eyes: Do it and help fix this mess.

So you nodded, extending your hand for Eris to take. Everyone was staring at you, many smirking and sneering at how quickly Cassian had left you to fend for yourself. It felt like they were wolves closing in, predatory male eyes drinking in the plunging neckline of your dress, ready to pounce.

But as soon as Eris grabbed your hand and fixed them a stare, they scurried away. You nearly sighed in relief as many of the gazes retreated in fear of the Autumn princeling.

“Thank you.” You whispered under your breath as Eris pulled you in close for the next waltz.

“Don’t thank me just yet,” He chuckled lowly, his lips inches away from your ear. “Your spymaster looks like he’s debating storming over here and gutting me. Might ruin that pretty dress of yours.”

You snorted. “It’s not my dress.”

Eris looked down at you, green eyes gleaming as the thumb on your waist caressed you ever so slightly. “Either way, you look absolutely ravishing in it.” He purred.

You shuddered at the words, unable to contain your reaction to the sound of his velvety voice. He must have felt it, because an even wider smirk played at his lips. Letting him spin you around, you let your skirts fly around your ankles before twirling back into his arms. With a confidence you didn’t know you had, you ever so slightly gripped the fabric of his shirt on his chest and pulled him closer. “It’s a lovely dress,” You murmured seductively. “But do you want to know what I’d change about it?”

“And what might that be?” His voice was positively feline.

You brought your lips up to his ear, letting them graze the shell of them as you whispered, “I wish it was red.”

Ever so faintly, you noted the slight intake of breath at your words – red had always been Eris’ favourite colour, even though it was one of the main colours of his court. He chuckled, moving the hand on the waist to the small of your back and pulling you in closer. The scent of smoke and evergreens enveloped you at being so close to one of the most dangerous males in Prythian. You couldn’t help your beating heart as you felt your years-long crush on your best friend’s brother burn like wildfire.

“I couldn’t agree more.” Eris whispered, peeking over your shoulder towards where the Inner Circle stood, watching. “Although I must say the looks on your host court’s faces are priceless right now. Especially the spying brute, dare I say he is jealous?”

You laughed, unable to help yourself. “No, definitely not. I annoy the shit out of him every day on purpose, he’s quite glad to be rid of my presence for now.”

The music changed, yet Eris did not let you go, and neither did Cassian with Nesta. You glanced over quickly to see them – Nesta was expressionless, but Cassian looked pained. She let him pull her closer, but never for long. It was killing him to see her pull away from his touch, but you couldn’t bring yourself to feel bad.

“Good girl.” Eris’s voice snapped you back to attention with such a force you were surprised you didn’t get whiplash. His words went straight to your core, and you prayed to the Mother that the various scents from the busy atmosphere were enough to hide your own. But Eris continued. “So he has not taken you to his bed then.”

“I don’t see how that’s any of your business.” You managed to croak out, staring at the brooch on his tunic rather than his eyes. You knew if you looked into them again you’d melt into a puddle.

Eris cocked his head. “Oh come on, darling, indulge me. Rarely has the shadowsinger given that protective glare for anyone aside from dear Morrigan. Satisfy my curiosity.”

You coughed under your breath, trying not to seem bothered. “No. He has not. But considering he’s content with sending me to die I don’t think you have to worry about it.”

Eris’s grip on your hand tightened, and the smirk was gone from his face. He looked at you with seriousness, emerald eyes burning a hole into you. “I will not let that happen.” He promised with lethal calm.

“I hope so.”

You snuck a glance over at the Inner circle and regretted it immediately. Feyre looked confused, a tattooed hand over her belly as if protecting the child from Eris. Azriel, who had retreated to the dias, looked positively murderous. But it was Rhysand who caught your eye. He was watching you like a hawk, violet eyes simmering as you and Eris danced closer than you should have let happen. Your stomach dropped at that gaze, for you knew what kind of stare that was.

Rhysand was starting to get onto you.

And you were going to die for it.

Your heart began to race, and you felt your hands get clammy. Panic rose in your chest, tightening it like a belt.

Eris noticed and frowned at you. “What’s wrong?”

“He knows…” You gulped out, throat dry. “Rhysand… he’s watching. He’s suspicious, and I’ve seen that look before. I saw it when I insulted Feyre in front of him when we first met. He wants to kill me, Eris. He’s going to kill me.”

“Calm down, darling.” Eris said slowly, pulling you closer. “You’ve fooled him for this long, why would that change now?”

“Because he’s been watching us this whole time. I didn’t play my part, Eris. I let myself be drawn in….. he saw us dancing closer than the others and now he’s suspicious. Either way, he kills me tonight or he lets me die in the human lands. I need to get out of here.”

“Okay.” Eris stroked your lower back gently, glancing around at the crowd. “It’s okay. I will get you out of here. Pretend I just said something cruel. Then just follow my lead.”

You nodded, and Eris let go. He did not look back at you as he strode over to the main dining table and sat down, leaving you alone. You made an effort to look upset yet annoyed, scowling visible. A few moments later, you felt a hand on your arm, and looked to the side to see Nesta linking her arm through yours.

“Let’s get something to eat.” Nesta said, leading you over to the private table for the Inner Circle.

What’s going on? Her voice sounded in your head as the crowd parted for the both of you.

Rhys was watching me like a hawk. You replied, ignoring the male who openly sneered at you as you passed. I think he knows something’s going on between me and Eris. He was glaring at me with a promise, Nes. Eris told me to look disgusted and then follow his lead.

Nesta clutched your arm tighter, still holding you as you sat down. Cassian was in the chair next to Nesta, but she paid him no mind. Shit. We need to get out of here. Now. Eris better not fuck this up.

Your conversation with Nesta was broken by Azriel, who was seated across from you. His hazel eyes bore into you as he spoke, “What did Eris say?”

“Nothing pleasant.” You mumbled, filling your cup with wine and taking a large swig.

“Then why did you spend three dances with him?”

“If I’m supposed to be representing your court, would it not be rude of me to pull away from him?”

“If he made you uncomfortable it would be okay to do so.”

‘It’s fine, Azriel. I can handle it. He’s nothing but a snarky, prissy, bastard.”

Azriel’s expression was unreadable, but he did not press the issue. You did your best to dig into the food in front of you, but your churning stomach made it hard, as did the glances from the High Lord.

Luckily, dinner finished quickly, and servants came to clear the table. Eris got up from his seat a few metres away and strode over to Rhysand, sliding his hands into his pockets.

“All right,” He said, “You showed me what I can have, Rhysand. I’m intrigued enough to ask what you’d want in return.”

Nesta tensed beside you. This was the moment you had been waiting for for months.

But Rhys didn’t move from where he lounged at the head of the table. “What do you mean by that?”

Lust glazed Eris’s eyes. Covetous, calculating and lustful. “I mean that whatever you want, I’ll give it to you in exchange for Nesta. As my bride.” He jerked his chin to the box with the dagger at Rhys’s feet. “I’d rather have her than that.”

“You danced three dances with her!” Feyre squawked. Rhys’s lips seemed to be fighting a losing battle not to smile.

It wasn’t heard to tell that Cassian was pondering whether to strangle Eris’s throat or slit the skin wide open. Azriel’s syphons glowed, ready to step in.

“That’s not my decision,” Rhys said calmly to Eris. “And it seems foolish for you to offer me anything I want in exchange for her, anyway.”

His jaw tightened. “I have my reasons.”

From the shadows in his eyes, you could sense that both Cassian and Azriel knew something more lay beneath the rash offer. Something that even Az’s spies hadn’t picked up on at the Autumn Court. It wasn’t Nesta who Azriel looked to, but you.

You avoided his gaze.

Eris added, “It is a bonus, of course, that in doing so, I would be repaying Cassian for ruining my betrothal to Morrigan.”

Cassian’s hands curled into fists, but Mor’s fingers landed on his arm. You were as still as a board, not even sure if you were breathing. This was your chance, or Nesta’s at least.

Rhys said, “Anything I want, whether it be armies from the Autumn Court or your firstborn, you would grant me in exchange for Nesta Archeron as your wife?”

Cassian growled low in his throat, and Azriel visibly kicked him under the table. Nesta said nothing, despite being the potential bride in question. You both knew she was smart enough to know Eris would ask Rhys in the typical male-dominant traditions of his court.

Eris glared. “Not as far as the firstborn, but yes, Rhysand. You want armies against Briallyn and my father, you’ll have them.” His lips curved upward. “I couldn’t very well let my wife’s sister go into battle unaided, could I?”

Rhys silently laughed. His face remained stone-cold as he said, “I’ll consider it, and talk to Nesta. Keep the dagger, though. You might need it.”

It’s now or never. You said to Nesta. She squeezed your hand under the table.

“Wait a minute.” Nesta’s voice rang clear as day as she spoke up, grey eyes burning as she addressed Eris and the High Lord. “You are not my keeper, Rhysand. Nor am I an object, Eris. If you want me as your wife, you must ask me directly.”

Eris smirked. “I knew I liked you.” Before any of the shocked faces could say anything, Eris got down on one knee. The entire crowd was dead silent, eyes fixated on the scene near the dias. He bowed his head to Nesta like a knight to his king, then looked up at her with calculating eyes. “Nesta Archeron,” He continued. “I admire you greatly. You have a sharp mind and many talents. If you would do me the honour of being my bride, I vow that you will always have my protection, my heart, and the freedom to live your life how you see fit. Nesta, will you marry me?”

A pin dropping would have sounded like an earthquake in the silence of the room. Bewilderment was written across everyone’s face at the table, even Azriel’s. To them, Eris was simply making false, flowery promises. But you, and Nesta too, knew the meaning behind those words – a reminder of the actual promise he made you in the spring court. That he would help you get free.

Nesta spoke clearly after a few moments. “Yes.”

“What?” Feyre practically shrieked, standing up abruptly and then swaying slightly. “Are you insane?”

“Nesta…” Mor gasped. “Do you have any idea what you’re saying? Did you put a spell on her, you lying bastard?”

Wood splintered as Cassian’s grip on the edge of the table cracked it. He stood up, snarling and ready to lunge at Eris but Azriel was quicker. Within a heartbeat he winnowed across the table and restrained Cassian, who fought like a rabid dog.

“I cannot let you accept this offer, Nesta.” Rhysand growled viciously. Feyre had started to cry, weeping into her hands as her mate’s hand rubbed her back. You resisted the urge to snort at her level of distraught – was she really so blind as to how miserable Nesta was here?

Nesta shot him a fiery glare. “You said it was my choice, remember?” She spat. “And I am accepting Eris’ offer.”

“But why?” Rhys questioned, eyes narrowing.

Her chin was held high as she responded. “Because I do not wish to train to be a warrior. I do not want to have to ‘heal’ to fit a mould in order to be in your little circle. I will not be your caged beast, Rhysand.”

“If you think Eris can give you freedom, you are sorely mistaken.”

Silver fire rose in Nesta’s eyes. “We all know the Night Court does not suit me. If my sister wasn’t your mate, you’d have chucked me out into the streets and you know it.”

Rhys’ dark power filled the room slowly. “I will not let you hand yourself over to that monster.”

“I’d like to see you try and stop me.” Nesta’s silver fire continued to rise, matching Rhys’ magic. “It’s a little late to pretend you care, Rhysand.”

Eris finally spoke up, having risen to his feet again. “If I may,” He interjected. “You did say it was the lady’s choice, Rhysand.”

“Shut up, Eris.” The High Lord growled.

“I’ll fucking kill you, Eris!” Cassian snarled viciously. Sweat was pouring from Azriel’s brow as he continued to fight to hold his brother back.

Your blood chilled as a glint emerged in Rhysand’s violet eyes. From the smirk that formed at his lips, you knew it wasn’t good. He relaxed visibly, putting his hands in his pockets. Nesta glanced at you worriedly, sharing the same sentiment.

“After all, Nesta,” He purred, cocking his head. “Do you really want to abandon your mate?”

The world went so silent, not even a breath was taken. Even Cassian had stopped his squirming, giving Azriel a break. It felt like you were falling for hours through an endless void, feeling nothing but everything all at once.

Nesta had a mate.

Cassian was Nesta’s mate.

“What did you just say?” Nesta’s voice was quiet, faraway. Your heart was beating so fast you weren’t even sure you could hear properly. Your hands shook under the table, and tears began to prick at your eyes. The female you had grown so close to, had made a magical ancient bond with… the female you loved had a mate.

It would explain Cassian’s behaviour towards Nesta, his possessiveness – it wasn’t just because they were fucking each other, it was his instincts. You wondered if Nesta knew, but you desperately wished that she hadn’t. It seemed that way, given her reaction, but the way she always avoided the topic of Cassian made you think.

“Surely after weeks of bedding each other you would have realized?” Rhysand’s violet gaze was simmering with smugness, like he had won already. “Cassian is your mate, Nesta. That is why I cannot let you accept Eris’ offer.”

Nesta was utterly and completely still. She glanced at Cassian, looking as if she had seen a ghost. You felt sick, watching them lock eyes. Nesta was impossible to read, but Cassian’s face gave his every thought away. He loved her.

“A mating bond does not shackle her to the brute,” Eris quipped, coming to stand beside Nesta and glare at the High Lord. “They should not be forced together because of it. Technically speaking, unless a mating ceremony is performed and the bond is accepted, Nesta is free to do as she wishes.”

Mor piped up, addressing Eris. “She would never be yours, Eris. She would always belong here, with her mate.”

With her mate. You were definitely going to throw up soon from the shock of everything. The glimmer of hope you had died out, fading like the last embers of a fire.

“Stop talking about me like I am not here.” Nesta hissed at the female, dragging her gaze from Cassian. “I do not wish to be Cassian’s mate. I do not wish to reside here. I do not want to be any part of this court. I will be accepting Eris’ offer, and choosing my own path. I still have a future, but it does not involve your little circle. I don’t care about some stupid bond, I am not bound here.”

Feyre spoke up, voice shaking through her tears. “I don’t think you quite understand what a mating bond really–”

“And I don’t want to.” Nesta’s voice was cold as those silver flames rose in her eyes. “I don’t care what it means. I will be leaving.”

She turned back to Cassian, not an ounce of mercy in her eyes. “I do not want you, Cassian. If you were a good mate, you would not have let me be locked up and trained against my will so I could become a version of myself that had to be worthy of being loved by you. A good mate would not have fucked me after I was attacked by the kelpie, nor would you have laughed at me as I fell down the stairs when I was clearly suffering. Whatever we had, it is over.”

A strangled noise emerged from Cassian’s throat, and Azriel tightened his grip on the general. “Nesta, please!” Cassian begged. “Stay. We can figure this out. We don’t have to do anything about it yet, just please stay here.”

“No. I have let you all take my choices from me for too long. This one is my own.”

Mor stood up, releasing her hand from Feyre’s back and gestured to Eris, whose eyes were wide with shock. “Is he making you do this? Tell us now, Nesta, and we can help you get out of it.”

Nesta simply ignored her, turning instead to you. You felt your heart break into a million pieces as her gaze met yours. That beautiful face stared down at you, softening as she held out her hand. “Come.” She said.

What are you doing? You asked her.

Getting you out of here with me. Nesta replied as you took her hand. You stood up shakily, coming to stand next to her. Out of the corner of your eye, you snuck a glance at Eris. He was looking at you, and blinked once – which you interpreted as a confirmation to keep playing along.

“Nesta, what are you doing?” Azriel questioned, puzzled. It was the first time you saw the spymaster confused, and if the situation weren’t so dire you would have laughed.

“Taking her with me.” Nesta said simply, squeezing your hand. “(Y/N) is my friend, and I would like her to join me in Autumn.”

Rhysand took a step towards Nesta, that smugness from a few minutes ago replaced with pure violence and authority. “I can’t allow that.”

“Why not?” Eris said, grabbing Nesta’s elbow. “It would be nice for Nesta to have a friend in the court with her. My father could certainly use a new courtier. Let her come with us and we shall consider it your wedding gift.”

“No.” Rhysand growled.

The room was the definition of tension, onlookers staring at their High Lord with wide eyes. Kier was practically salivating at the scene in front of him. Nesta’s posture was composed, but you could feel her panic beside you. There was no way he was going to let both of you go, it would make him seem weak in front of the Hewn City.

Before you could say anything, you saw a movement out of the corner of your eye. Azriel was no longer holding Cassian, and had disappeared entirely. You were about to beg Nesta to tell Eris to winnow you all away right that second, but a familiar scarred hand wrapped around your wrist and pulled, yanking your grip from Nesta’s hand.

“NO!” Was all you could shriek out as Azriel’s shadows engulfed you, winnowing you away from the Court of Nightmares. You had cast one last glance at Nesta, her and Eris’ features wide with shock as the spymaster ripped you away from them and into the cold darkness.

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bratshaws · 2 years ago

Text

through the hourglass 18. brb x oc

i really like his hair here idk WHY

a/n: this chapter was sprinkled with just a bit of my own self doubt sometimes uwu except i don't have a rooster hah. also, it's important to focus on Beatrice dealing with her demons........for reasons.

pairing: plus size!oc x rooster

warnings: fluff, GOD I HATE THEM BUT I LOVE THEM

goodness gracious (pls read this one to know more what this fic is about!!)

chapter

1/2/3/4/5/6/7/8/9/10/11/12/13/14/15/16/17

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@caitsymichelle13 @becks-things

“Bea,” Penny’s voice appears by her shoulder when they are at the bar later that night, with the brunette looking over to her boss with a smile, “I don’t know how to thank your aunt for giving Shells those tickets,” Penny turns her head to where a very happy Shells, who’s moving around rapidly, “I don’t think I’ve seen Shells get so many tables in one night.”

Beatrice smiles, pouring some beer inside a jug, then sliding to the man waiting at the counter, “You are welcome, Penny. My aunt is…full of surprises.” too many if you ask Bea, “But I’m glad Shells is happy.” and her friend was beaming, she even greeted Bob with a deep kiss outside before anyone could see them, leaving the spectacled pilot looking like a riped tomato with his eyes unfocused once he got inside.

Speaking of pilots, she couldn’t help but be more than happy when Rooster accepted her gift, she was so nervous, so scared that she forgot how open he truly was. He was amazing in so many ways she couldn’t find words. They met gazes briefly, he winked with a smirk like he usually did and Beatrice just smiled shyly, biting her lower lip and giggling to herself.

Maybe now her brain would give her a break with the random stupid thoughts, maybe now she could just enjoy being married to a man like him. Dr.Varma mentioned she was a lot better from years before, mentioning that while Rooster did help it was Beatrice who decided to work on herself because she wanted to. And she wanted to keep at it.

All she wanted was to have a long healthy life with her husband, her pilot, whom still made her heart beat faster and her breath leave her lungs in sighs. Beatrice was so focused on her thoughts she almost didn’t see the person sitting in front of her on the counter and when she looked up, it was Jessie! The girl from before!

She wasn’t wearing that hoodie though but a long sleeved shirt with an open collar, not showing her cleavage but seeing her like that - with her hair down and makeup - was already progress, “Oh hi! Welcome back!”

“Hello,” even her voice sounded brighter, her smile widening, “Can I get a water bottle please?”

“Sure!” Beatrice turned to get it and almost screamed when she saw one of the new Navy recruits already sending an appreciative look towards Jessie, having to bite her cheek hard to prevent the triumphant shout. “There you go, I’m glad to see you again!”

Jessie smiles sweetly, opening the bottle to bring it to her lips, “Thank you I…you helped me a lot.” Beatrice’s smile turned fond, “I…I got new roommates for college, that group of people…wasn’t helping me anymore.”

Well that was pretty fast, she didn’t think Northride would accept it within a week, “That’s good, and is your new roommate a cool person?”

“She’s cool. She’s funny,I like her.”

“Good,” Bea says, “I met my best friend while in Northride,” that made Jessie’s eyes widen in response, looking up at Beatrice with her lips parted, “That one, over there.” and the brunette gestured to Shells, who looked to be stepping on clouds, greeting people with such a sweet look some patrons were actually asking if she was okay. Not that Shells wasn’t kind or welcoming, but she was used to half of these people and having her be so…sweet was weird. Bea heard someone say that ‘wasn’t Bea the sweet one??’

“Wait, wait, you are the one from the volleyball game!” Jessie says with recognition, “Oh my God, I was there, but I was too far away to see anything! Oh my God, it’s you guys! That’s…you guys are legends already within the college.”

And Shells returns just in time to hear that, almost sliding over to get the information better, “Oh? How so?”

“Well, for one you guys won against a former national winning team when Northride doesn’t even have an actual official team. Second, you guys wore the Northride colors and you guys basically wiped the floor against those girls, it was so good the dean wants to make the volleyball team official.” she explains, her smile widening more and more, “You know, I think it has to do with you guys being so good and focused, that really helped people see how important it’d be to have a sports team.”

Beatrice and Shells looked at each other, then at Jessie, with the blonde being the first one to break the silence, “Well, took them long fucking enough. Finally we’ll be treated as we deserve to be. Does that mean we have to sign stuff now?”

“You can if you guys want to, everyone is still talking about that game to this day.” she says, rolling the water bottle between her palms with a small smile, “It was amazing and if you guys ever wander to Northride again you might be considered celebrities already.”

Well that was interesting. The idea they would be so important was more than enough to make Beatrice blush and Shells act like she was already expecting it, ‘We haven’t been to Northride since grad.” the brunette says, filling another jug with beer, “I wonder if they’d let us in.”

“Well aren’t we fucking celebrities now? They better.” Shells laughs, grabbing the jug from Bea’s hand to set on the tray, walking backwards away from the bar, “Besides, what the hell, we might give them a boost of enthusiasm.”

Beatrice just chuckles, waiting until her friend is gone from there to turn her eyes to Jessie again, “Well, thank you for sharing that with us. It’s a bit surprising but not unwelcome.”

Jessie nods once with her own smile still in place, her eyes wandering about for a second before she quickly snaps her gaze away, “Um…I-I’ll have this one to go, if that’s okay?”

“To go? You just got here?”

“Ye-Yeah, i know it’s just…” and Beatrice saw the same recruit from before looking at the girl, his eyes never leaving her seating form, “I just think I should go.”

Beatrice felt bad, but she didn’t want to push her into doing something she wouldn’t feel safe doing yet. Heavens know how much she went through before doing anything with Rooster…and it wasn’t even her who did it, it was Shells who gave her a push.

But this girl wasn’t her and she wasn’t Shells, they had no other relations outside the bartender and the customer…so Beatrice just offered her a small smile,”Sure, no worries. Drive safe out there.” Jessie nods, keeping her eyes low as she slid the cash on the counter, scurrying out of the bar like a mouse trying to escape a cat.

Oh well. “It’s fine.” she muttered, placing the money in the register before she continued working. She really reminded her of herself, damn…Beatrice wondered if this was just a test to be thankful for, considering she and Rooster were married already, wondering if this would be her story if she had never worked on getting to know him more.

She inhales quickly, shaking her head with a soft chuckle, “I have to stop thinking like this,” she sing songs quietly, wiping a rag on the bar to clean it, already hearing the goblin voice chittering in the back, begging to be heard. She closes her eyes briefly, imagining Rooster’s deep voice instead, immediately calming down when it takes over her brain instead.

And it worked, beautifully so, because she was already feeling better after a while.

Shells returned still talking about their new status amongst the students of Northride, this time Penny was close enough to hear it too, “Can you imagine them putting our posters on the walls of the Grand Hallway? Ooooh, it’d be so badass!’

“Who’s doing that?”

Beatrice answers Penny before her niece could, “Our game last year is still making the rounds on Northride, people still talk about it and we are considered–”

“Famous!”

“...something like that,” Bea mutters, “It’s really surprising, I didn’t think they would do that, I thought they’d forget about us soon after the game, they didn’t seem to care when they saw us at The Den, remember?”

“I mean, some people won’t, but if the majority does, I think that’s a bonus.” Shells smirks, leaning on her hand against the bar counter, “What do you think they’ll do when we visit? Fanfare? Spotlights?” Both her friend and aunt sent her a look, “What? Oh come on, wouldn’t you want something like that?”

Beatrice hums with a small frown, “I don’t know, it’d be interesting but not necessary.”

“I think it’d be extremely necessary.”Shells retorts, “I want my poster inside that place, I’m not joking. Remember those stupid people from our class who always gave us the stinky eye whenever we left for volleyball?”

“No?”

Shells blinks, then lets out an ‘ah!’ as if she remembered something, “Right, me and Ev sort of protected you from them, kinda hid you from view whenever possible.”

“You did?”

“Yep! It wasn’t so bad, but they were those snobby rich kids whose parents paid for everything and the second they showed an interest in art they tossed them in Northride. Bunch of assholes, to be honest.”

Beatrice stares at Shells with her eyes partially wide, she had no idea, absolutely no idea there were people like that in her class. Sure, she did meet some of her classmates in college, but they were all so nice? She never once heard of people like that before but…knowing Shells and Evelyn, it was understandable why she never did.

She knew they were protective of her, not like her family was, she knew they wanted her to get a good life and to not worry about anything else, and especially get someone who loved her…”Oh.”

“Yeah…anyway! I want my poster there, huge,” she spreads her arms to show what the poster would be like, “Immense, covers the whole fucking wall and I’ll be there like, yep that’s me, that’s totally me.”

“That’s…nice, but I don’t think they’ll get posters of us, Shells.”

“Why not?” Shells asks as Beatrice leans down behind the counter to pick more napkins, smiling at the couple who asked before her eyes return to Shells, “I think it’d be great for morale.”

“I think you are thinking too much,honey.” Penny’s voice finally appeared, her brow rising with amusement as her niece just pouted her lips in indignation,crossing her arms over her bust with a sigh, “Especially because we are still at the bar, Michelle. Maybe we could focus on that now, hm?”

Shells rolls her eyes comically, “Fine, aunt Penny.” she picks the tray with beverages, tossing a finger in her aunt’s direction, “But! Hear what I say, big poster as big as Kylie’s!” and she immediately remembers she got the tickets for the concert later that month, almost skipping away to greet the patrons who were waiting by the table.

Penny shakes her head amusedly, “Crazy girl. Anyway, let’s get back to work, shall we?”

Beatrice was looking to where Shells walked off to with her brows furrowed just enough, but she blinked out of her stupor when she felt Penny’s presence leave her side and then walk to the other end of the bar. “...yeah, let’s.”

Was she soft-hearted?

Yes.

Was she naive?

Once maybe.

Beatrice was too busy chewing the side of her nail as she recalled what Shells told her, about how she was protected by her and Evelyn…she wasn’t upset, she was…well, she was a bit upset with herself. She wished she’d noticed it, but even if she did, would she act on it? Probably not, she’s still pretty much passive to conflicts and outbursts, she’d probably step to the side and try her best to ignore it.

She kept to her corner, that’s how it always was, it was safe. Until a year ago, until she felt she could open up more because she…felt more mature? Would that be a good reason? She paced in circles in the middle of their room as Rooster turned the lights on the floor below them, his footsteps hitting the staircase until he stopped by the door, watching Beatrice repeat the walking pattern a few more times until he finally spoke up.

“Babe.” he calls and Beatrice stops, looking at him with her thumb still in her mouth, “Baby, don’t do that, you’ll hurt yourself.” he immediately steps closer, grabs her hand and presses a kiss to her thumb,rubbing it with his own for a few seconds, “What’s going on? What got you worried?”

He always asks, doesn’t he? He probably doesn’t think you–

Stop it.

And the goblin voice goes silent instantly, much to her surprise, “...Honestly, I don’t know, I don’t know how to begin.”

He hums, turning the two of them so his back is facing the bed and his hands take hers, dragging her to sit on his lap once he does fall on the mattress, “We’ll start simple then: what are you thinking right now?”

Beatrice parts her lips, inhaling to speak but the words stop at her throat for a few seconds, “...about how much I’ve changed. Not…that I haven’t noticed but…I don’t know, Jessie showed up again at the bar.”

“Yeah? How’s she?”

“She’s…okay? She’s dressing nicer too…again every time I see her I just see myself and…” Beatrice huffs out a breath of air, “...and I see how much I’ve changed. And how much I’m willing to do…years ago I’d never think about hitting someone or fighting someone to defend myself or those that I love. While I still get a bit nervous, it’s not like it was.”

Rooster smiles, pressing his chin on her cleavage - the soft fabric of her shirt brushing his chin- “You made a lot of progress.”

“I did.” she says, “...I still have a lot of things to do, better myself even more but…I don’t know, it’s just…” she sighs, her eyes slowly rising to meet his, “Sometimes I regret not doing this then, you know? Have more confidence, acting up more…but I was scared and…maybe because I’m seeing myself in Jessie so much I’m trying to heal this part of me?” she pauses, “I might need to tell that to Dr.Varma on monday.”

Rooster hums again, wrapping his arms around her waist to pull her flush against his body, leaning his head up just enough to kiss her jawline, “You did great gorgeous. You are doing great. I’ve seen you grow a lot and I appreciate it so much. I know it’s hard and honestly, I kinda wish some of the shit I did now I did back then.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah, but I was too angry to. And you were too scared to. It’s that simple, we wouldn’t have done a good job gorgeous, not back then, not when we were still trying to get out shit together.” he explains, “I do blame myself a lot for the time I couldn’t spend with Mav, about how angry I felt but I can’t go back in time even if I wanted to, I’m just enjoying what I have with him now. If you want to help Jessie, you can, if you think it’ll help you heal up even more, go for it.”

Beatrice’s smile turns soft and her hands cup his cheeks, “...thank you, Roos.” she kisses the tip of his nose then his lips, giggling against his mouth when his hands immediately drop to her ass, “Roos.”

“I’m just keeping it warm.” he mutters in her mouth, pulling back with a lazy smile as Beatrice looks down at him, “Feeling any better?”

Beatrice inhales softly, her eyes avoiding his for a second before meeting irises, “I am. I am feeling a lot better.” she doesn’t make any movement to leave his lap, instead she drapes her arms around his neck and gets even more comfortable, “But on the bright side…Jessie said me and the girls are famous in Northride?” he arches his eyebrows, “Yeah, apparently the volleyball game was more than special for them, we are considered almost…legends for the college, so much they now have an official volleyball team.”

Rooster widened his eyes, then grinned, “Alright!Look at that! You guys did great, honestly it was the best game I’ve seen in a while.”

“Thank you Roos…and to think I almost…said no.”

His gaze softens again and his fingers gently brush on the seam of her shorts, barely petting the skin of her thigh “And look at you, breaking barriers.”

“Yeah, I did didn’t I?” it warmed his heart seeing her eyes light up with her smile soon following, “And I had the photoshoot and then I beat the shit out of you-know-who, on my birthday!! I…I am proud of myself.”

“Good, so am I gorgeous.” he says, “I know you won’t feel like this all the time and don’t blame yourself if you don’t. We aren’t perfect, we get sad about things we have no control over sometimes.”

Beatrice just looked at him with so much adoration he felt his body was going to burst, her hands returning to his cheeks where her thumbs gently brushed on his cheekbones “...Okay.” she giggles, “Thank you Roos.”

“You don’t have to thank me.” his lips meet hers on a brief kiss, “Baby, you are my girl and I want my girl to remember she’s not alone.” followed by another giggle from Beatrice, one that held but her shyness and her gratefulness at the same time. “So, whenever you need me, I’ll be with you.”

It comes to Beatrice she had only seen things like these in movies, recalling how pretty much everyone compared their relationship to a rom-com, or books and she was so thankful this was real life. This was real life, her life. “And I’ll be with you. Always.” she replies, pressing their foreheads together for a quick second, then sliding out of his lap, “We better sleep.”

His hands remain on her thighs, keeping her in place between his legs now, “Yeah, will you be okay?”

“I will,Roos.” she smiles, “We’ll have a long day tomorrow before Ev’s party, so…the rest will be more than welcome.”

“I know how to make us fall asleep faster–” she gives him a look by narrowing her eyes and pursing her lips, “...I was going to say watch tv, angel.”

“Of course you were.” she laughs, kissing him one last time, stepping back from between his legs, “But we can work on that tomorrow, can’t we?” his eyes are on her at all times, turning his head to follow her walking into the bathroom biting her lower lip, “You just have to be patient.”

Rooster smirks, “Going to try my best, gorgeous.” and his eyes drop to the expanse of her thigh and the curve of a butt cheek barely peeking from under her shorts, “Gonna try my best.”

#bradley rooster bradshaw #rooster bradshaw #bradley bradshaw x oc #top gun maverick #bradley bradshaw x reader #bradley bradshaw x female reader #bradley bradshaw x named reader

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hekates-corner · 1 year ago

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Apothecary Diaries | WN Translation | Arc 9 - Chapter 15

Hi, whichever way you found this: Welcome.

For a number of reasons I ended up here. I relay all that happens in the chapters, playing wine-aunt, as I go about translating to the best of my abilities.

So, be warned - all the spoilers are below. Want spoilers, but less? My dm's/asks are open!

New here or missed a part? Check out the Masterlist!

Enjoy!

Chapter 15 | Please read the notes at the end!

The smell of fragrant tea and sweet pastries fills the air.

Their skin was glossy and like that of a baby, as they were chatting happily in a cheerful voice.

From the desciptions so far, one might imagine a tea party of young girls.

But, but—

“Welcome back, young miss.”

The host of the party was an old man, and moreover, he was an eunuch.

He’s the quack. The person he was talking to was Tianyu, who was eating dried chinese dates while chiming in. Lihaku is standing guard against the wall, but perhaps because he is bored, he’s holding a walnut in each hand - trying to break the shells.

Maomao thinks “Aren’t those walnuts brought in as medicine?” - she has some doubts, but tentatively returns the greeting to the quack doctor.

She says the usual “I’m home” phrase, then adds “It’s starting to look a lot like a doctor’s office.”

The outbuilding of Gyokuens villa, which had been converted into a medical office, was quite well-equipped. Shelves and beds have been added, as well as screens.

The quack tells Maomao that her room’s right up the stairs. Then he asks her if she knows, since she slept there on the first day, right?

Maomao’s like “Yes. What did you do with my luggage?” - she’d left for the village without even unpacking. She’s sure, as narrator, that they haven’t cleaned up anything.

“I haven’t touched your luggage. However, the room was a bit bare, so I added some furniture - so it should be a lot more comfortable!” (he’s so excited, bless him)

Narrator-Mao notes that the quack’s strangely motivated (kanji used esp for eagerness to work). In other words, he’d had enough free time to redecorate her room.

Tianyu, with his ususal superficial smile, says that the “beardless man, worked really hard on the renovation.”, giving Maomao a very bad feeling.

“Did you have any particular problems?” - Maomao asked as she unloaded her bag and opened the drawer of the new medicine cabinet. To her, the bitter smell of medicine, which she hadn’t smelled in a long time, was pleasant.

“Hmm, nothing in particular. As usual, I went to visit the moon prince, and occasionally patients came—”

“Generally speaking, we have a lot of colds. Due to the extreme temperature difference, there are many cases where they felt weak from the boat trip.”

Tianyu cuts in from the side, maybe because the quacks laid-back way of talking makes him drowsy. Since she’s Maomao, she’d like to hear the short version of all this, so she looks at Tianyu while checking her inventory.

“One person got stung by a scorpion, but he was okay. Someone nearby said he treated it right after the sting, so the guy was crying but he didn’t die.”

Narrator-Mao notes that the reason why Tianyu was a good listener that time was probably because it’s a field he doesn’t know much about. Plus, there’s no way the quack would’ve known, so maybe someone else was familiar with scorpion poison.

“Is there anyone here who knows anything about poison?” - Maomao takes a Senburi off a shelf, tears off a piece of it and licks it. It’s so bitter - she notes as narrator that you’ll regret licking it but she’s just in for the kick of it tasting like true medicine.

Tianyu says that scorpion poisoning isn’t uncommon around here, so the lady in the cafeteria told him about it.. the lady asked him if he was even a doctor.

“Yeah. In Saito they eat scorpions deep-fried. It’s scary/horrible.”

The quack arches his eyebrows into a figure 8. (pls don’t ask, he keeps doing this and idek)

“Let’s go eat this sometime!” Maomao’s spirits suddenly rise. She puts back the licorice she pulled out.

“Yeah, I don’t want to.” - The quack shakes his head.

Maomao then decides that, since Tianyu and the quack (the two medical officers) are in such good condition, there’s no particular problem. She’d wanted to play around with the medicine a little longer, but decided to head to her room.. feeling reluctant.

She goes up the stairs, opening the door. As soon as she does that, she immediately understands why Tianyu was smiling (earlier).

“What is this… …”

This was supposed to be a simple, empty room.. but a cherry blossom colored curtain/pavillion was carefully placed over the bed. It was very cute, considering it was an insect repellent, and it had embroidery all over it. The built-in desk is covered with an embroidered tablecloth and the chairs are fitted with western-style cushions made with openwork weave.

The windows also had awnings with open work patterns and the walls were decorated with fabrics with floral patterns.

The room smells like incense - a floral scent that is too cute for Maomao. As a finishing touch, dried rose flowers were scattered all over the place.

Maomao: ……

She trembles, wanting to redecorate immediately but Guen is right behind her with glistening eyes. He has his expectant gaze fixed on her.

“Ha ha. That openwork is nice, a peddler recommended it to me as being perfect for a young girl.”

The young girl is also Maomao. Besides, in terms of age, she’s already close on falling behind.

“Did you like it, miss?” Round/cute eyes approach Maomao.

(Maomao makes a sound used for expressions of surprise or effort.)

Her face tenses and his shoulders slumped.

Behind the quack was Lihaku, who looked sorry for him - and Tianyu, who was laughing. For now she decides that today she’ll be making Tianyu’s tea with senburi.

(there’s a break in the chapter. sen’buri is a japanese green gentian - swertia japonica - or alderfly - esp special sialis japonica)

After dinner, Maomao returns to her room. She felt a little better now that she had gotten proper revenge on Tianyu.

She thinks something about medicine.

As narrator she goes on talking about how the herb was originally mixed with eyebrow ink in the red light district. It seems to be effective against hair loss - while also being effective against indigestion, diarrhea, and abdominal pain, but because of its unplesant taste, it is not used much in the medical rooms of the imperial court.

It’s usually brought/bought for it’s more publicly accepted hair-loss prevention effect than used as a gastrointestinal drug.

She thinks that they sometimes come to her(?) for hair consultations.

Of course, Maomao, unlike the quack, protects personal information. However, that doesn’t mean she can’t ask them something in the process. (i also got that it doesn’t mean she won’t ask for something)

She sighs because of how cute the room is. If she’d do a quick redecoration, Guen will be sad, so she has to make changes little by little without him noticing.

She was about to change into her night gowns, thinking that today would be too much trouble so she’ll start tomorrow..

Then she hears a knocking sound.

She says it’s fine to come in.

The voice says “Oh” or “Hi” - It was Lihaku who came in.

“What happened?”

“No, I didn’t want to say it in front of “uncle” or Tianyu, so I came to say it directly.”

Narrator-Mao notes that she had a vague idea that Lihaku and Tianyu didn’t seem to have good chemistry. It doesn’t seem good that Lihaku, who gets along with everyone, didn’t get along with him/It seems that even Lihaku who gets along with everyone had someone he had a hard time with.

Lihaku may seem like a fool/simpleton, but he is quick-witted and has good intuition. He must’ve sensed a certain untrustworthiness in Tianyu.

“Did Tianyu do something?”

“No, that guy has nothing to do with it. However, I didn’t talk to him because he seemed like he was playing around with teasing the old man.”

“So… … is this something you don’t want the medical officers to hear?”

“I’m not saying it’s okay to ask, but…—”

“It would be helpful if you could tell me directly.” (she’s pretty much telling him to hurry up and get to the point.)

She’s just returned from the trip and is sleepy - but she’s aware that it was a bit harsh to say it that way.

“It looks like it’s going to come out.”

“Come out? What?”

“It's a flying head.”

“Huh/What?”

When he says neck, he means necks. A flying head.

“It seems a Hitoban will appear.”

Lihaku said in an extremely serious voice.

Notes | Chapter 16

Just the usual few things.

- There is no mention of what happened to the others or in the village, it's a straight cut to this chapter.

- Maomao doesn't use Guens name, I just did to not make it too redundant.

- The quack is just too adorable, he's really seeing Mao as the kid he could never have.

- Coming back here from the future to edit. I thought they were gonna go more into what a Hitoban is, but so far it hasn't happened.

A Hitoban is a Chinese yokai/spirit whose head separates from it's body and floats around. Like the rokurokobi (japanese version), the hitoban has a line around its neck. Chinese stories also tell of a yōkai called a rakutō (落頭) whose head comes off and floats about while the torso remains at rest on the futon (somnambulism). There is a tale that in the Three Kingdoms period, an Eastern Wu general, Zhu Huan employed a female servant who was a rakutō. It's said that she used its ears like wings. Another tale relates that in the Qin era, there was a clan from the south called rakutōmin (落頭民) who could fly around with only their heads.

The “when he says neck, he means neck” is because apparently Japanese use the word for neck sometimes for anything that's neck and above - the kanji is used for head and neck.

So far it seems that the alleged yokai we're dealing with is a rakutō more so than a hitoban - but there's a lot of back and forth, everyone's just trying to figure things out right now!

#kusuriya no hitorigoto #the apothecary diaries #hekates apothecary

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ddeongies · 5 months ago

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i know your goal in every fic u write is to write the hottest yeji in existence and i gotta say u are hella succeeding 🫡 she's a serial woman lover but she respects them all like pls can i be one of those girls 🫢

u know, the thing i love about yeji is that she's highly aware of her good traits---she knows she's hot, cool, pretty, smart and all that jazz. and nothing's more attractive than a woman who's confident of what she's worth. but i am also in love with the fact that she's not letting all that in her head. she still has her insecurities, that she thinks rj might not be into her the way that she's into rj, she thinks she's no match against yunjin. and i think that her humility and confidence (ugh the same way how yeji is irl) is such a huge bonus point for me. reading nmau is just me switching on who to simp on every pov switch.

okay the end part of the chapter...goddamn!!!! everything was going so well 😭😭😭😭😭 i think something just happened with yunjin with her acapella group thing (im not sure is chaewon there? i have to check again hahaha) but smth that had upset yunjin that made ryujin worry for her bff. AND THAT'S WHAT YEJI SAW. yeji ur drunken haze has fooled u pls pls think straight. but tbh if that happened to me i'd probably do what yeji did as well bc i'm petty and hurt and a jealous little girl 😭😭😭😭 i know you'll fix it. i just have to pretend idc abt nmau so the next chapter comes faster (pretending is impossible).

the pacing is delicious as always and i know the payoff would be satisfying soon. enjoy itzy's concert!!!! pls dont die on us when u see yeji's comh stage and all the other deadly stages. -🌼

i'm so glad to be succeeding at my one goal in life 🫡 writing the hottest yejis possible is what i live for 🫡 (who wouldn't wanna be one of her girls tbh she's so......)

confidence is sexy and arrogance is not!! i think she definitely toes that line like she loves herself and is confident in herself, but that doesn't mean she's entitled to anyone's affections and doesn't mean that everyone will love her as much as she loves herself! but yeah the combination of humility and confidence is directly inspired by irl yeji, it's def one of my fave things about her like that energy is just so incredible idk she's awesome lol (also writing nmau is just me switching who i'm simping for every chapter so i feel you on that LOL)

we'll have to see what happened next time!! i'm loving hearing different theories tho lol 😈 but yeah ryujin may have said "this is why alcohol is our friend" but it isn't always!! sometimes it doesn't really help! all will be revealed and i promise i will fix things :) nmau isn't an angst fic but stuff do be happening!

manifesting i feel ready to post chapter 9 on ryeji day 🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽 pray for me. life is busy rn but i would love to post more choreo in the next week or so and then nmau on ryeji day..... just gotta WRITE

i'm glad the pacing is working for you!! :) my goal here is to do a slowburn that's hopefully on the realistic side like... sometimes it takes a little bit to get into/figure out a new relationship, but that also doesn't mean like 100k of miscommunication and stuff just to drag it out idk! just attempting to go for something natural and cute!

literally seeing them in less than 24 hours as i type this..... my friend and i just watched all the mvs in chronological order and then 8 episodes straight of itzzz we are READY (i am not ready i am so so so scared, sorry in advance for not finishing my wips before i die :/)

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foxfaceinthewindow · 9 months ago

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I thought I would post my updates here, in one place, instead of dispersed throughout my stories. Especially considering I now have *stops to count on fingers* six Labyrinth WIPS and one Fleabag WIP.

PLS SEND HELP

Really though. I just cannot seem to be able to stop myself. It's been a wild 2 years of writing fan fiction. When I first started posting Your Power is Yours to Give, I never thought I would be at this place. I had no idea writing would set my soul on fire like it has.

And sharing it with people has meant more to me than I ever could have predicted. If you've ever left a comment or reached out to me here with a PM, thank you. I love connecting with you and hearing your thoughts/reactions/feelings.

Anyway, onward with the updates!

For All His Feathers:

My new WIP! I'm about to post chapter 9. I've really been on a roll with this story, and I am having a ton of fun with it. It's an owl Jareth story with very minor hurt/comfort themes.

Fade into You:

My baby. The love of my life. My very heartbeat. I have a few more chapters left before this story comes to a close. I am actively grieving the end. I have poured myself into this story and these versions of Jareth and Sarah. I won't make readers wait too long before I post the next chapter, I've just had the sads about finishing it. I plan to update in the next few weeks, but we will see.

Glimpse of Us:

I'm so so so sorry to have to do this to anyone who has been reading this story, BUT *cringe* I am putting this story on temporary hiatus. It was a hard thing to accept, but I simply do not have the bandwidth for a plot of Glimpse's magnitude right now, even though the story is all mapped out and a lot of it is written. It's very tedious and complicated, and sometimes, that brings me a lot of joy. Right now is just not one of those times.

Dandelion Tea:

I've been thinking about this story so much for the past few months. I genuinely don't know why I stopped updating it. I never planned on abandoning it, and I definitely plan on continuing it. I think once I finish For All His Feathers, I will prioritize this one. But maybe we will get a sneaky update sooner than that.

Your Power is Yours to Give:

Okay. Here's the thing with Your Power. I love this story for everything it has taught me, and I also love that people have read it and enjoyed it. But I feel like I am a very different author now than I was when I wrote this tale. I'm not even saying I am better necessarily, but my writing style has changed. I cannot decide if I am going to revise the whole thing or not, but if I do, the next update will be a long time coming. This story isn't on official hiatus, but it isn't something I can focus on right now.

Please feel free to send me a PM! I love hearing from folks. <3

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butterflydm · 3 years ago

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wot reread: the fires of heaven (chap 29-chap 30)

spoilers for the fires of heaven

1. This is a chapter with ravens, and it’s about Darkfriends, so maybe the raven tattoo for Carlinya is about her being Black Ajah (pls don’t tell me. I’m kinda enjoying the mystery at this point lol, since it is a plot point from the books where I have no memory of the resolution). Except that Darkfriends don’t do raven TATTOOS. The tattoo/sketch part is definitely what makes it feel Seanchan (as evidenced by the fact that I literally just straight-up assumed it HAD to be about the Seanchan when I first read the viewing lol). So if it’s because she’s Black Ajah, I am calling mild shenanigans on Min’s Talent.

2. Ah, well Kadere noticed that Keille went missing, at least, lol. And he has no idea about the true identity of either Keille or Natael. But after Kellie ‘disappeared’, Lanfear visited him with instructions. In his dreams, leaving him a nasty burn scar while he was with her (in TAR, I assume).

3. I wonder if the ‘Aiel woman’s hand’ who left the note for him is who I suspect it is. If so, we might get the identity confirmed later on.

4. Isendre has been sleeping with Asmodean, which the Maidens are thrilled about because it keeps her away from trying to sneak to Rand. Spying on him for Lanfear, though she says he never does anything interesting (’play[s] music I’ve never heard before).

5. Kadere here talks about the philosophy of ‘breaking’ people, and the psychology of it matches what we see when we see it get played out with the damane and how they are ‘broken’ to the leash.

6. Ah, Isendre tells Kadere here (the fake news) that Rand and Aviendha have been sleeping together since Rhuidean.

7. The revelation (as Kadere kills Isendre) that he also killed the sister that he had such fond, nostalgic thoughts of, is very well done. Very effective tiny horror story.

8. Ooo, Rand has an LTT memory that Semirhage is terrible at handling the weather. imo, it’s all the hanging out with Asmodean that’s making his memories come back so strongly, that plus the fact that he’s channeling a bunch of saidin every night to create the wards for the Aiel encampment.

9. We’re reminded again that just being around Rand has a tendency to make random events warp in odd ways. And Rand, of course, thinks that this is another thing that would make people hate being around him.

10. Rand accidentally tells Sulin the right thing about trying to get Adelin and Enaila to stop fussing over their ‘failure’ to protect him by just saying they’re grown women and should act like it. And then Sulin fusses about him not eating yet. I am so here for this part of their relationship. I feel like we might lose some of this in the later books? But that might be a bad memory thing. We’ll find out. But I love the ‘biggest found family in the world’ vibes of Rand with the Maidens in this book so far.

11. Edorian and Estean -- I think those might be two of the lordings that Mat was dicing with at the beginning of TSR! Much the worse for wear now. They’re surprised to find Rand with the Aiel and worried that he’s been taken captive and much relieved to find out that the Shaido attacking Cairhien weren’t sent by him. They must have been some of the ones that he sent up north to give grain to the Cairhienin. ...redemption arc for Edorian and Estean? Because if they were the lordlings dicing with Mat at the start of TSR, they were pretty terrible people at that point, but they’ve obviously been through a lot. Potential for character growth? Let’s find out!

12. Oh, wait, they do kinda treat the Cairhienin with them like shit. So maybe they still have a ways to go, lol. And, yes, these lordlings’ fathers were among the people Rand ordered north, it looks like.

13. One of the things that Moiraine taught Rand and that he thought was sensible (even if it was tough) was to allow people to honor him in their way rather than insisting on his own.

14. The Maidens telling a baffled Rand that he’s actually incredibly rich, because every tenth of the fifth that the Aiel took belongs to him by custom. So amusing.

15. Aw, when he thinks about politics, he thinks about Elayne.

16. “Egwene told him little more than a constant string of well-wishing.” I hate the information diet that the Aes Sedai and Wise Ones put Rand on, even as they share all of his info that they are able to get out of him with everyone in their network. COMMUNICATION SAVES LIVES. That’s all.

17. And Min is his friend who is a girl who is also his bro who speaks his language, according to him. I have to admit, I’m not certain why he assumes Min would ‘run a hundred miles’ to get away from the Dragon Reborn. Like, you were... she already knew you were the Dragon Reborn when y’all were camping with the group between TGH and TDR. I guess his denial back then was really just That Strong. Despite the battle in Falme.

18. I’m assuming that time period was also the one where she ‘laughed at him’ but at least ‘didn’t talk a strange language’ because he definitely thought she was weird and said weird things when he met her back in EotW. It was a whole thing where she creeped him out a bit.

#wot #wheel of time #wot reread #the fires of heaven #wot books spoilers #wot spoilers

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outerbankswriting · 4 years ago

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Could it Be? Chapter 13 (JJ x Reader)

JJ x Reader

CH.1 - CH.2 - CH.3 - CH.4 - CH.5 - CH.6 - CH.7 - CH.8 - CH.9 - CH.10 - CH.11 - CH.12

Description: She has a crush on JJ, but he has always seen her as another one of the “dudes”, or at least that’s what she thinks so she just doesn’t even try anymore, until things start to shift between the two of them. (A/N: I’M NOT GOOD AT DESCRIPTIONS BUT THESE IS JUST WHAT I WOULD LOVE TO HAPPEN IN OUTER BANKS WITH JJ)

Warnings: drinking???

CHAPTER 13

You placed the empty can of beer on the table and noticed JJ’s glare set on you as you reached for your fourth drink.

“Can I help you with something?” You spat at him before drunkenly smirking at the blonde.

“I see you’re thirsty.” He grinned as he helped you open the bottle.

“I just want to loosen up and have some fun.” You replied, pouring yourself some tequila and mixing it with a soda.

“Fun means danger when it comes to you,” He winked and you rolled your eyes at him.

“That was one time.”

“Whatever,” he went on, “I’m not letting you get shit-wasted tonight.”

“Says the one who’s already had six beers,”

“I can handle my alcohol, unlike you.”

You teasingly raised your eyebrow at him as your eyes lit up with a mischievous idea, JJ immediately shaking his head at you but letting out an equally mischievous smile.

“Here,” you handed him a shot of tequila and poured one for yourself as well, “I’ll show you I can handle it.”

“I would like to see.”

You raised your tequila shots to each other before gulping down the strong alcohol, your throat burning as the liquid went down.

Time went by and Sarah and John B where nowhere to be found, but you and JJ were having too much fun drinking and talking about nonsense to notice the couple had gone to John B’s bedroom to do stuff you had no business knowing about.

You wrapped your arms around JJ’s neck and playfully slow danced with him, your legs were struggling to move correctly as the alcohol was taking over your system but JJ’s arms wrapped around your waist helped you remain steady.

Both your faces were flustered form the alcohol and the heat from dancing around, the two of you were clearly drunk but not wasted thanks to JJ taking care of your drinking and not allowing you to mix your drinks.

You looked around the room to see if Sarah and John B were around, and when you didn’t see them anywhere near, you took the opportunity to press a quick kiss to JJ’s lips. He stared at your eyes in a loving and caring way as you burst into laughter.

“What’s so funny?” He asked.

“I just can’t believe we’re.. you know..” You struggled to find the words as you didn’t know what exactly was going on between you and JJ.

JJ’s eyes kept fixed on your, waiting patiently for you to complete your sentence but as he realised you were nowhere near to forming the words, he decided to help you.

“Dating?” He whispered and your eyes widened.

“So we are?” You muttered, a smile forming on your face.

“I mean,” he shrugged and bit his bottom lip, “if you want to, of course.”

You couldn’t help but smile wider at him, you knew JJ wasn’t one to easily express his feelings, let alone actually get involved in a relationship so this was a pretty big deal for the both of you, especially since this was all happening too fast yet it felt as if the two of you had waited ages for this to come true.

“I’ll have to think about it.” You bit the inside of your cheek, noticing JJ’s grip tighten and his eyebrows raise in confusion.

“Yeah, sure, I mean,” he stuttered and you couldn’t help but burst out laughing again, his confusion growing stronger.

“Of course I want to, you idiot.” You cupped his face and sensed him relax on your touch.

The two of you shared a slow and sweet kiss, his movements carefully synching with yours as he pulled you in closer. You opened your mouth to let him explore it as the kiss became more passionate and hungrier, you placed your hands on the nape of his neck and tugged at his hair, gaining a soft moan from him.

“I think we should go home.” You said, your lips inches apart.

“I think I agree.”

Neither of you bothered on letting your friends know you were leaving as they were also busy doing their thing. You took JJ’s hand and walked side by side to your place, it was a long walk but you wouldn’t have had it any other way.

As you arrived to your house, the two of you hurried upstairs to your room, the tension and urgency filling the air but neither of you daring to make a move.

You sat down on your bed as JJ locked the door even though only the two of you were home. You bit the bottom of your lip as you stared at him. His grey tank top loose enough to show his toned abs and his strong arms making your head spin with unholy thoughts about them.

He turned to face you and you felt your cheeks heat up. No matter how long the two of you had known each other or how close you’d gotten to each other, he never failed to make you get all flustered and nervous.

JJ smirked as soon as he saw the rose tint on your cheeks and your eyes scanning all his body. He slowly walked over to you, your heartbeat speeding up by every step he was taking. The grin on his face kept growing wider as he noticed the effect he was causing on you, enjoying every second of it.

Once he was completely standing in front of you, you looked up at his face and matched your grin with his. Your face was exactly in front of his abdomen, and a bit too close to his lower area, making his heartbeat speed up as well.

Your confidence and urgency to have him all for yourself made you slowly and carefully run your fingers through his abdomen and you tugged at his shirt to signal him to take it off. He didn’t think twice before the grey tank top hit the floor and his upper body was bare as your eyes kept processing every inch of him.

Your hands traced his toned stomach and you felt his body twitch at your touch. You smirked to yourself, feeling confident at the effect you were causing on him. Your hand softly made its way lower and you noticed his chest rise up and down quicker as you intentionally but slightly rubbed your palm on his growing bulge, pretending as if it was an accident.

You then played with the waistband of his shorts and pulled them down, leaving him on his trousers which you also teasingly played with the waistband of them and then pushed him further away from you, making him raise an eyebrow at you in confusion. You stood up in front of him and placed a hard but quick kiss on his lips before turning around him.

“Sit down,” you demanded, surprised by your sudden urge of dominance.

JJ smirked at you and took your place on the bed, softly wrapping his hands on your waist as you stood in front of him, letting him stare at you while you took your own shirt off, revealing the top of your red bikini.

Your shorts joined your shirt on the ground, leaving you with your red bikini top and bottom which matched the color of JJ’s cheeks. You sat on his lap, facing him as you wrapped your legs around his waist and felt his bulge rub against your entrance, which was still covered by the bottom of your bikini.

“Y/N,” JJ whispered once you started moving your hips against him.

“Mhm,” was all you could bring yourself to say as the friction between the two of you made a tingling sensation intensify between your legs.

“Are you sure about this?” He asked.

You stared at his blue eyes and felt his thumbs stroke your hips. He was genuinely concerned about this, especially after knowing about your past with Rafe and sex.

But this time you felt different. You were sure of JJ and you didn’t want to do this with anyone else but him. You trusted him and you loved him, even if you hadn’t verbally expressed it to him. You’d never felt as confident and safe with anyone else as you do now with JJ. You knew you wanted this and you knew you wouldn’t regret nor have second thoughts about this.

You gently rubbed his cheeks as you leaned forward to his face, softly placing a loving kiss on his lips.

“I’ve never been more sure JJ.” You whispered against his lips as you felt his hands press tighter on your hips.

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A/N: we-

alright so I finally got the time to write and post ch.13!! hope you like it and PLS DO TELL ME YOUR THOUGHTS!!

I would also love to know if you guys want me to write the whole scenario *coughs* smut *coughs* or simply leave it like that and just write about them after it’s done and stuff... but well it’s all up to you since I know some of u are not comfortable reading smut.

I think I’m also going to start a new taglist since idk if some of you are still reading this story and I keep getting messages about new people wanting to be added on the taglist so I think next chapter will have a completely new taglist so pls do let me know if u wanna be added!

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taglist: @babygirlizz - @atabigail - @poguesrforlife - @behappyitsemmalie - @jane-dough - @yeeedolan - @dontjinx-it - @sofiaconlaz - @fangirlwithme - @outermaybank - @hueycat2004 - @nope-thanks - @weasleyswizarding-wheezes - @haleswale - @hungoverhellhound - @ilikealotofpeople-younotsomuch - @asapkyndall - @hailiemarieeee - @emmasjulixn - @spideyyeet - @rosenbug - @cassidyiscool - @harrysbbby - @thatshiscigar - @kiarascarreras - @uhuh-listenboy - @normatural - @goldenariana - @heyyimlaynna - @lukvv - @irontoadllamaclam - @allisjustok - @saturno007 - @pluckypete - @pennepasta82 - @howdyherron - @perfektionsmakel - @dylanpain - @tulzu - @voidsxnsets - @shadesofbarryallen - @rimbougrine - @dolanfivsosxox - @allisjustok - @stell-rosie - @spoopysidemen - @optimisticherolightpanda - @dolansbeanies - @arsejungle - @missenchanted27 - @ctrlyouthmendes - @my-soul-is-the-moon - @hazelgirl355 - @sehunniehaechannie - @sweetwaterprincess - @ues-swiftie - @deadsunflower01 - @ghostlywombatnickelpeanut - @moadvx - @peachy-ness - @supersouthy - @howdyherron - @retro-mayfield - @cyxbv - @ydoesthesunsetbaby - @bellageorge03 - @thelittletank - @emmalvei-blog - @eaturveggiesbabe - @katiepego - @books-crushed-my-soul - @iamaunicorn4704 - @mrmaybaby - @sloanology - @wildest-dream- - @maplelattes22 - @disaster-rose - @5am-cigarette - @ravenclawmarvel - @peterbrokenparker - @pickeringshawnn - @thatshiscigar - @lovelydina - @sspidermanss - @lollypop-lam - @drunkwallows - @a-wari - @ajxlawley - @briiiimiranda - @oceantostars - @jordangdelacruz - @brightnss - @classywaves - @ironbuckley - @cilorawr - @the-beauty-queenn - @mileven-reddie- @blueegansey - @livingforbarnes - @angelnoirr - @fashionlive15 - @harrysbbby - @eb15 - @lcil123 - @drunkwallows - @uhuh-listenboy - @caringparker - @tangledinsparkles - @wildflower-lrh - @lollypop-lam - @mxrvelistic - @jeffsbarbershop - @bananasundae13 - @llunarist - @nick-awwstin - @aftertaxte - @timotaychalabae - @we-are-all-lovely - @k-k0129 - @wwylmlive - @sunshinemadds - @hawkeyetrained - @cremextart - @sunflowerwhoever - @possiamo-andare - @mayakblack - @poguelifeee - @moon-bcw - @love-bean - @turtlee-says-rawr - @heydemonsitsyagirlgrace - @marauderskeeper - @anescapefromtheworld - @imsad05

#JJ Imagine #jj #jj x reader #jj x you #jj x y/n #jj maybank #jj maybank x reader #jj maybank imagine #jj maybank x you #rudy pankow #rudy pankow x reader #Outer Banks #outer banks netflix #outer banks fanfiction #obx #obx netflix #obx imagine #obx fanfiction

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ka-za-ri · 4 years ago

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Descent Pt. 2

Masterlist of other Chapters: Here Crossposted to Ao3: here

Part [1] Part [2] Part [3] Part 4: [4] Part [5] Part [6] Part [7] Part [8] Part [9] Part [10]

I’m so glad y’all are enjoying the food so far, please take some more of it. Let me know if you want to be added to a taglist or anything like that. For now, let’s enjoy our favorite angel doing ... not very angelic things (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

Pairing: Simeon x Reader Wordcount: 5,000 ish Genre: Luxurious Smut Tags: Voyeurism, mutual masturbation Summary: With the first chapter behind him, there's still something missing in Simeon's writing, and he needs your help to figure out what it is.

Stumble

True to his word, Simeon had the draft he promised in your email inbox within a few days. You were surprised. He seemed to be struggling so much when you last saw him, you really expected him to take a little more time. Regardless, it was to your benefit since it meant you had more time to edit.

Even if it was just the first chapter and a little bit after, you were surprised at the speed in which he jumped to the lewd scenes. It wasn’t surprising considering sex was the focus, but you would need to teach him how to reign in his enthusiasm. By the time you were finished reading through the draft the first time, your whole face had gone hot. The explicit details he wrote out only brought your mind back to what you had acted out in that sunroom just a few days ago. It was a direct translation of your actions to text. Sure, Simeon was new to the genre, but his talent as a writer still shone through.

Despite the roughness of the draft, the publisher approved it as acceptable proof of progress. They greenlit the whole project and you were more than excited to email Simeon and let him know the good news. Just as you had come back from the meeting with the executives, your phone chirped with a new message.

[SMS: I AM STUCK. I CANNOT WRITE ANYMORE. HELP ME.]

You laughed at how short and crude the message was. For someone who spent most of his time on a computer writing; he was absolutely hopeless with any other form of technology. Shaking your head at how someone like him had gotten so far in life barely knowing how to send a text, you packed up your things and made your way to his place. You did have a few notes about his first chapter to give him, anyway.

Simeon hated being deceptive. He hated how quickly he had started to rely on that image of you in his brightly lit sunroom to fuel his writing and for his own desires. He was ashamed to ask you to come over again; but he was repeating the same motions in his writing, he needed new visuals and you were the only one he could trust. In reality, his request was a thinly veiled request to see you perform again. He was able to complete his work so quickly after watching you. Researching video clips and online articles gave him some fuel, but nothing got him so fired up as watching a scene unfold from you.

It was a strange obsession he was still wrapping his mind around. He had to be careful, the temptation you possessed was absolutely dangerous. Simeon had to reassure himself that he was ancient and knew his way around humans with how long he had studied them. He needed to convince himself that he would never sully a human body, no matter how much he wanted you. His title, status and reputation as an angel were the most sacred parts of him. With so many years of writing experience, surely he could write a proper sex scene without actually ever having to fuck you.

It didn’t stop him from being nervous. No matter how many fail safes he came up with, he knew that you were effortlessly enticing him to be joined with you. He had to be vigilant. It would be the ultimate test of his will and his determination. Both for his career and his soul. He would see it through, he knew he could. No material experience could be more important than his angelic status. Right?

He paced back and forth in the foyer of his home, gnawing on his nail while he waited for you to arrive. It had taken him half an hour to find the right words to text you. Simeon glanced at the phone in his hand almost every ten seconds, hoping you had replied. He knew you had a meeting, but it should be over by now and you should be arriving at any moment. You hadn’t answered him which made him antsy. Usually you would have at least told him you were coming over. He could only hope that you were just eager to see him as he was to see you again.

He didn’t want to admit how he had fallen asleep with his hands down his pants the past three days, dreaming about your sweet voice as you came and called out to him. He didn’t want to think about how many positions he had imagined you being in. Simeon didn’t want to dwell on how many scenarios he came up with just to have you reenact them for him. Some of the scenes delved so deep into his darkest desires that he was scared to even admit he thought about them.

But he wanted to see them play out.

The doorbell barely finished ringing and he was already flinging opening the door to let you in. “I’m guessing the meeting went well.” He said with a bright smile to hide his nerves. He was already set up in his sunroom. During the time you were gone, he had brought a small folding desk to the recliner. The cable for his computer had also been moved so he didn’t have to worry about the battery being drained. You instinctively went over to the couch lined up against the wall but he stopped you. Instead of letting you lounge like you did the last time, he offered you a chair across from his makeshift desk instead. He refused to make eye contact as you made yourself comfortable.

“The meeting went as well as it could,” you said while taking out the envelopes that contained his work. “They like everything so far, but it’s still rough and needs a little bit more refinement, and I have to agree with them.”

You glanced up at him and noticed him fidgeting with his fingers while he kept his face calm. “So, what needs to be fixed up?”

You flipped through a few pages and showed him the paragraphs of smut he had written. The color drained from his face as he was face-to-face with the obscenity of his work in physical form. “So, it’s not bad. But I can tell it was your first time. There’s something missing about the partner. I can’t place it, but it just feels… flat? Like I can’t tell if they’re feeling anything from the exchange or what.”

“Ah… Oh… Hahaha. I see… That explains a lot.”

You raised a curious eyebrow at his comment. “Does it?” You crossed your arms over your chest and leaned back in the chair. It seemed as though Simeon was just at the verge of another great discovery about his writing and you were rather intrigued about what his thoughts were.

“Yes. I was struggling to write this next scene and I just… couldn’t figure out how to convey the partner’s feelings. It’s frustrating. I should have all the resources that I need to make it work.” He gestured at what he had written and bade you to take a look.

It was always fun to see his work in progress. With the partially polished scenes and unfinished sentences, it was like you got to see the inner workings of his brain. What he had in front of you was a far cry from the more polished work you were used to, but the overall flow of action was much better than the travesty you had seen last time. However, you could see the exact point where he started to struggle. As he said, there was a lack of feeling behind the words.

“Ooh… So this is the part where you need my help again, huh?”

Simeon covered his face with his hand. “I’m ashamed to ask you to assist me with another scene.”

You smiled softly, reaching over and ruffling his hair. “Well, I’d be the world’s worst editor and manager if I refused to help you, right?”

“You don’t have to…”

“But I want to.” You reassured him, while getting up from your seat to start stripping. Truth be told, you were waiting for the next time you got to see him so hot and bothered while working. Something about how focused he was on writing and not what his body needed made you want to push him further, see just what it took to get him distracted. “But you know… I’m sure you’d get more out of it if you experienced it too. Sometimes, just watching isn’t enough.”

Simeon felt his heart drop to his stomach from your suggestion. You were putting into words all of his desires and what he had craved ever since the last time. If he didn't have his wits about him, he knew he would have taken you up on the offer. The temptation of knowing how it felt to be in you while you moaned had piqued his curiosity and he longed to experience it. “I… Uh,” he stuttered, trying to wrap his mind around how to reply.

You dragged your finger up his thigh, pausing right at his crotch and waited for his reaction. He was so cute with his eyes wide, lips slightly parted and his brain short circuiting from your advances. You wanted to devour him and see him crumble under your fingers. “You what?” You encouraged, moving the focus from his crotch upwards, your finger skirting the soft sweater he wore and up to his chin. You tilted his head upwards to meet you eye to eye. “You want to write the best novel… don’t you?”

“I do…” He breathed, unable to take his eyes away from you and his mind struggled to keep up with how quickly you had taken control of the situation. He needed to wrestle some semblance of calm back in his favor if he wanted to continue getting what he wanted without you suspecting his obsession. “In order for me to do that, I need you to show me how…” He trailed off, cheeks flushed warm from thinking about his lewd request.

“How what? Come on now, you asked me to fuck a pillow last time, how is this going to be any worse than that?” you teased. Much to your delight, he became more flustered, his gaze dropping to the floor and he mumbled to himself. You let him get over his shyness, waiting patiently with his chin balanced at the tip of your finger.

Please uhm… Please show me how you please yourself… for this next scene.” He managed to save himself from falling completely into your trap, specifying exactly what he needed you to do. You were so alluring and so close to him, he had almost asked for the unforgivable.

You smiled, letting go of his chin and stepping back. “It’d be so much easier if I had some toys to do that… but I guess I’ll show you since you asked so nicely.” You planted a kiss on his forehead before undoing the buttons of your blouse.

“T-toys?” Simeon squeaked. He had seen them in video clips and read about them in reviews when he researched; but it never occurred to him that you might want to use them.

“It’s okay if you don’t have any. I can always settle with this…” You teased, walking over to him and fondling his crotch. “In fact, I would prefer this over anything else.”

You were close enough to see his pupils dilate and notice how his breath hitched as you touched him. He pulled away from you, hiding behind his screen and pretended to be busy with opening a new document. “I… I need to write.”

“But that’s the problem…” you whined, pouting that he pulled away but you didn’t press the issue any further. Watching him squirm was so satisfying; and you hadn’t even done anything yet. “You were writing the last time and you had the same problem, so stop writing this time and get into it.” You suggested.

“I can’t.” he shook his head vehemently. “I can’t do it. No.”

You sighed, putting your hands on your hips and looked at him. You never pegged him to be the kind of guy who waited until marriage to be intimate, but it seemed like he was alluding to the fact that he was saving himself. If he wasn’t, he was at least being very reserved for the type of content he was writing. “Fine, we don’t have to do it,” you conceded before going back to stripping yourself bare. “But feel free to help yourself to whatever you need for inspiration.” You winked, looking down at his crotch and he hastily crossed his legs when your gaze lingered.

He was so cute. You couldn’t tell if he knew exactly what he was doing. It was hard to expect someone so beautiful and of his age to not get intimate when the chance arose. Part of you wondered if it was because you weren’t desirable to him outside of your little acts. Dwelling on that thought made your chest hurt in bitterness and you shoved that to the side to focus on helping him instead.

You flopped back down on the chair, spreading your legs and resting them on the arms of the chair so that Simeon had a clear view of what you were about to do to yourself. Having him watch everything you did so close to you aroused much faster than you expected. “Well, time to get to work.” you said nonchalantly.

You closed your eyes, imagining Simeon joining you in getting nude. You imagined what it would be like for him to reveal his skin a little at a time in a playful strip tease. He always wore such bulky and cozy looking sweaters, it made you wonder just what kind of body he was hiding underneath all the layers. You started at your breasts again, squeezing them together and playing with them to aid in the fantasy.

In front of you, Simeon was typing up a storm. In your mind, it was his hands at your breasts, playing with your nipples until they were perky. You thought about him latching his soft lips around your nipple, licking at the sensitive skin there until you squirmed and moaned his name. You were careful this time to make sure you didn’t accidentally call for him when you really got into it. You weren’t in a rush to experience that embarrassment a second time.

He could see your folds progressively get wetter as you touched yourself and wrapped yourself in a fantasy he had no access to. Recalling the last time, Simeon wondered if he was occupying your mind again. This time, he was much more aware of his body’s reactions to the scene in front of him. There was no way he could ignore the pressure growing in his pants. No matter how much he focused on the document in front of him, he could feel his desires bubbling and threatening to spill over.

It was different this time. You were sprawled out in front of him, moaning softly and panting. Your head rested on the back of the chair. With your eyes closed and your mouth open slightly in an “O” you looked absolutely angelic. He wanted to join you, his fingers stopped typing and he was once again frozen, watching the performance in front of him.

You noticed he stopped typing much sooner than the last time and smirked a bit, cracking open your eyes to see his precious face staring at you in wonder. “Like what you see?” You asked coyly, sliding one hand down from your breast to your pussy. You spread yourself wide so he could see exactly just how wet you were.

Simeon only nodded, entranced with the way your folds glistened and he could smell your arousal from where he sat. He licked his lips holding onto his fraying desires as best as he could. Control yourself. You can do this. “Y-yes…” His voice came out thickly, as if his vocal chords refused to work properly.

You giggled, loving how riled up you were getting him and slowly rubbed your slick slit with your fingers. You moaned, the pleasure your fingers gave you was much better than riding a pillow. With just a quick glance, you noticed he had uncrossed his legs and was sporting a rather impressive tent in his pants. “Well, I’m glad that you’re not bored.” you teased much to his dismay.

His hands flew to his crotch, covering himself and he tried to will his boner back down to no avail. You giggled again, pulling his attention away from his arousal. “It’s okay, I would have been disappointed if you didn’t get turned on by what you’re seeing.”

“I uhm…”

“It’s okay.” You reassured him again. “Feel free to join in however you want. It only makes it all the more fun.”

Simeon gulped, torn between work and pleasure. He put himself in this predicament, he needed to figure a way out of it. He needed relief and he needed to write. The two sides of him warred as he scrambled with his fizzling brain to figure out something. An epiphany dawned on him when he heard his phone go off.

“Spam?” you asked when he fumbled with the incoming call, trying to silence the ringtone. “Or were you expecting someone?”

“Ah.. uhm… spam. I think.” He confirmed once he managed to figure out to disregard the call without picking it up. The next thing he needed to figure out was how to get the camera working and recording. You wanted to help him, but with one hand covered in fluids, you weren’t sure if he wanted you touching his phone.

Eventually with a little vocal coaching on your end and a lot of fumbling on his side, he got it to work and propped the phone up to start recording what you were doing. If he was going to get relief now, he needed to at least have proper reference to go back to later.

“Wow… you are so much kinkier than I thought.” You joked, causing Simeon to cover his face in shame, but he didn’t try to argue. There was something about having everything recorded for later that only added to the sexual tension in the room.

“It’s for research…” He mumbled more to convince himself than to explain to you what he was doing.

“Right… research.”

He moved his hands to mirror your own. One at his crotch and the other at his chest. It was difficult to hide your disappointment when you saw he wasn’t about to expose himself. His hand slipped under his clothes to touch and tease at his skin. You could see the barest hint of his abs peeking out from underneath the oversized sweater and you practically drooled at just the little bit of skin he showed off. You couldn’t help a small pout, frustrated at how unfair it was that you were putting in so much work for him and he could just so cutely masturbate alongside you.

The frustration disappeared the moment you saw his eyelids flutter clothes and he let out a soft moan. It was the most beautiful sound in the world and it was infinitely better than anything you could have imagined. His blue eyes lidded with pleasure were only opened to a sliver as he urged you to continue what you were doing.

With the camera rolling and the very vision of sin in front of you, you were more than eager to get back to getting off. Your finger found your clit and you rubbed it in the way that always made you see stars. “Hmmm, oh yeah…” You groaned, flicking your finger side to side before circling the little bundle of nerves. You were undoubtedly going to ruin his furniture again, but you didn’t care.

Simeon watched the way your fingers moved and he mimicked everything you did. His hand under his shirt pinched and rolled his nipple between his fingers. The sensation made him hiss from the initial pain but that was quickly replaced by pleasure which sent jolts of bliss straight to his aching cock. He bit his lip, repeating the motion, drowning himself in the sensation over and over again.

The scent of your essence was thick in the air. It felt like you were surrounding him with every breath he took. You were invading his every thought and infecting everything he thought was pure. But the freedom you gave him and the gratification that came with it was intoxicating. He couldn’t get enough of your breathy moans and the wet sounds of your fingers toying with yourself.

His own hand in his pants pumped his cock in time with the motion of your fingers. At one point you had done the most lascivious thing and slipped a finger inside of you. His eyes widened as the digit disappeared and reappeared covered in your slick. His cock twitched in his hand in jealousy. He wanted to be buried in there, he wanted to feel your heat surround him. But all he had was his hand to satisfy him.

Simeon was heavily panting now, working up to a frantic pace in his pants as his hand stroked his length. It was cramped and uncomfortable; but he couldn’t bear to expose himself to you. Surely that would be too much for you to see; and he wasn’t sure if he could control himself if he stripped alongside you.

“Mmm, I’m getting close.” you groaned, rolling your hips to meet your fingers and you teased your clit further, feeling your body tense in preparation for your climax. “What about you?”

“I… Uh.. I’m…” Simeon, stuttered, not able to process how close he was. It was so different from all the times he relieved himself alone. He just had to keep going until he was done. But with you in front of him, he wanted to do it together with you. Seeing your soaked pussy right in front of him made him more excited than he ever had been. “I think I’m close…”

You laughed at his naivety. “You think?” You teased. Perhaps you needed to up the ante a bit. “Come on… come with me.” You beckoned and pressed two fingers into your tight hole.

He blinked rapidly, trying to comprehend what his hormones were doing. Seeing your fingers being engulfed by your pussy, sliding in and out slowly while you moaned right next to him was pressing all the right buttons in him. He could see you stretch to accommodate your fingers and he was entranced by that. Without warning, he gasped, his grip on his cock tightened as he came. “Oh … I’m… I’m sorry…” He panted. “You just… that was… Uhm..”

“Too hot for you to handle?” You asked, now working yourself faster. The face he made when he came all of a sudden was so hot. You would definitely think back on it during lonely nights. Simeon’s breathy moans, the way his skin glowed with a thin sheen of sweat from exertion. It all added up to be a breathtaking image.

“I...Yeah…” You could see the faintest hint of red on his cheeks and smirked, satisfied that he was enjoyed himself just as much as you were loving every moment you were in front of him.

“Good… I guess it’s my turn then.” You said and went right into the motions of getting yourself to climax. Locking the image of Simeon’s “O” face in your mind, you finger fucked yourself closer and closer to completion.

You could feel your inner walls tighten and you were just at the edge of no return when you felt Simeon’s firm hand pull your fingers away. Whining loudly and glaring at him, you were about to berate him for ruining your good time until your entrance was filled with his own slender fingers. “Let me help you…” He said, his bright blue eyes were lit with a determination you hadn’t seen before and the fire behind them was such a turn on.

For someone who had just been so bashful about being intimate with you at the beginning, Simeon sure was being bold now. You didn’t say anything, not like you really could. Your capacity to form coherent words disappeared when his slender fingers entered you and mimicked the motions you had shown him. He was a fast learner, able to have you shivering with little to no effort. It was hard to believe just how he had a sudden switch in personality, but it was beside you to figure it out now.

You were free to call his name. After all, he was the one touching you now. “Oh… Simeon.” you moaned, panting and once again ramping towards your climax. This time, he was in control of the pace and the intensity of what got you off. He curled his fingers in you and you cried out loud when he brushed past a sensitive spot in you. He was so gentle and so precise, it was mind blowing what he picked up just from watching you.

“You’re close… right?” He asked sweetly. You looked at him and the intensity in his eyes was only made more obvious against his dark skin. The tone of his voice was in direct contrast to the laser focus his gaze had on your most intimate parts. Just the dichotomy of that alone inched you dangerously close to your climax.

Then, his thumb pressed against your clit and your world exploded. It was just the last bit of stimulation you needed to go over the edge. You clutched onto the arms of the chair while you rode out the high on his fingers. A mixture of curses and his name fell from your lips as you breathlessly tried to ground yourself. Your inner walls clenched around his digits and Simeon continued to slowly slide them in and out of you, marveling at the sensation of your pussy milking his fingers.

You kept seeing stars at the edge of your vision with every extra pass he took. You wanted to tell him to stop, but he was too engrossed in his ‘research’ to really pay any of your protests any mind. Eventually, he pulled his fingers out of you and you sighed in both relief and disappointment.

Simeon looked at his glistening fingers, holding them to the light and observed the slick essence that coated them. It was almost a little embarrassing to watch him be so intrigued by your fluids that you needed to distract yourself by getting dressed again so you didn’t have to look at him. While you had your back turned, Simeon experimentally licked his coated fingers and by the time you were fully clothed, he had fully cleaned them off. He looked at you and licked his lips. “Research.” He said nonchalantly with a shrug.

“Right… research.” you said, already getting hot and bothered again at what you had just witnessed. This man will be the end of me. “Do you think you’ve gotten all you need for your next scene?”

“Hmm….” He nodded sagely, remembering to stop recording. “I’ll have to review everything, but I think I know where to go from here.”

You smiled good naturedly and pat his head gently. “Don’t overwork yourself.” you said gathering your things. Once again, it had gotten late and you had to regretfully leave to ensure you caught the last trains home. “Call me or text me if you need help again, okay?”

“Oh, of course. I plan on it.” He smiled at you and your heart melted a little, but there was a devilish nature to that smile that had never been there before. “I’ll finish the next chapter probably in a week and send it to you.”

“I can’t wait to see what you come up with. I’m sure it’ll be great, as usual.” You grinned, feeling giddy after such a great climax as well as knowing that Simeon was able to continue working. It would definitely be good news to report back to the publishing house and keep them off his back as he worked in peace.

He let out a soft laugh, rubbing the back of his head sheepishly. It was a shame that he was already back to his usual innocent self. You wouldn’t have minded seeing more of that sex god who showed himself a few moments before. “Well, I’ll do my best to not disappoint. I have a lot to learn.”

“I’ll be sure to help you in any way I can.” You said. Looking down at your phone, you gasped noticing the time. “Shit. I gotta run if I don’t wanna walk all the way home tonight. Text me if you need anything!” You yelled, halfway across his home and stumbling to get your shoes back on.

When the door slammed shut, the silence that surrounded Simeon was deafening. He had been able to hold out on taking you, but it didn’t mean he hadn’t gotten a taste of what it was like to sin. The uncomfortable dampness of his cum clung to his leg, but he barely noticed it. Instead, he was focused on the file on his phone. The recording of what transpired that afternoon.

Taking a shaky breath, he resisted the urge to press play. The scent of your arousal and the taste of your essence were still too fresh in his mind. He needed to clean up. He needed to work. He needed to research and plan for you. He sighed and started to make his way to the shower. If he needed relief, then at least he could take care of it there and not in the mess that was his soiled pants.

As the sun sank past the horizon and gave way to night, the light within his soul waned and the darkness he had pushed aside grew. After a taste of sin, it was only natural that he would crave more until it consumed him.

And it felt heavenly.

#Obey Me!#Obey Me! Fanfic #Obey Me! Simeon #Obey Me! Smut #Simeon x Reader #Obey Me! AU #My writing #i'm trash you're trash we're all trash #It's innocent ish now #It'll only get kinkier as we go #Formatting is weird af on tumblr #go to the Ao3 link for it to be proper with the words emphasized as they should be #I'm too tired to bother through tumblr sorry folks

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wonwoonlight · 3 years ago

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i’m here! truth be told i’m so sad! i can’t believe it’s over 😭 i read it when it came out this morning but was so busy and didn’t want to send a half-hearted message so i waited until i had time to sit and think things through.

first of all, THEY ARE SO C U T E. gyu calling her he’d baby and being completely and totally whipped for her, that’s what i like to see. i’m just sad we only got our mingyu daisy couple together for one chapter 😭 it would’ve been so nice to get more of them as a couple, bc they’re just the sweetest lovebirds. if you ever decide to make those drabbles though, i am so here for them!

we never found out what jennie’s baby was?? boy, girl? whatever it was i know it was the cutest baby ever and it’s going to have aunt daisy and uncle gyu and it’ll be the sweetest thing ever.

i can’t even explain how mush and happy this chapter (plus the other 9) made me feel. my daisy was truly something i looked forward to every sunday + thursday morning, and i’m so sad that will no longer be the case. i’m glad you wrote this story and that it became what it is today, and that i’ll always be able to come back and re-read it whenever i want!

thank you for an incredible story! i will continue to make my way through your past works + any new works you decide to put out. you’re a great writer!! truly a great writer who made me feel giddy, content, and mushy, and anxious, and happy, and so much more these past few weeks!! thank you thank you thank you 🤍

hi!! pls you even find the time to sit down and focus just to write this jhsbfjhdf 😭😭 i dont deserve u 😭😭

and, eh, idk about it being the only chapter tbh, maybe you'll see them again some time in the future 🙊

HAHAHA you can decide her baby to however you like tbh, i dont really want to spoon feed every little detail just in case it gets too bothersome jkfdskfn but YES, it's also going to have Gyuri as their big sister😭

thank you, really, for your support throughout the series. i'm not lying when i say i look forward to your feedbacks everytime just in case i somehow.. disappoint jsfjshb thank you also for wanting to go through my works 🙈 some of them aren't my best, but hopefully you'll enjoy them even a little🤍

#ask #mg: my daisy #my starlight❄

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toohardtoforgetcth · 4 years ago

Text

Too Hard To Forget

Chapter Seven

5,491 words

Warnings: just a lil’ fighting and swearing as per uje

A/N: Hi hello pls forgive me for sad boy cal here have some of this enjoy love u all <3

» » » » » »

Calum had been performing regularly three nights a week at The Wildflower for over a month, and despite the fact that he hated waking up to go to work every morning, he looked forward to every other night at the pub. It was his escape, a creative outlet, a place to channel all the frustration and pain, but also all the joy and passion he felt into music and share it with people who supported him. He had gained quite a few new followers, and many of the faces he saw at his shows continued to show up every week to see him play. It was the highest praise he could have asked for.

Calum had been buzzing from a particularly good show after sharing another original with the crowd, and he left with a high coursing through him that he only ever felt after a really good show. He had zoned out when he stepped out the front door, bumping into someone on the sidewalk and almost knocking them over.

“Fuck, sorry,” he mumbled, picking his guitar case up off the ground where he had dropped it. “I—” Calum looked up finally, making eye contact with the girl. Her eyes widened in surprise, stopping dead in front of him. Words had failed him—it had been three months since he’d seen her last, and his heart was doing flips in his chest.

“Calum, hi,” Parker said, tucking a lock of hair behind her ear and shifting awkwardly from one foot to the other. “It’s been a while.”

They were standing close, close enough that Parker could smell his cologne and a flood of memories came rushing back to her. He looked good. He’d gotten a haircut, his hair almost short enough that you could barely tell he had curls. Parker remembered what it was like to run her fingers through it, and she was itching to do it now. Don’t you dare, she told herself.

She watched his eyes scan over her figure, bluntly admiring her and completely unashamed. Her brain was telling her to step back, that she was too close, but the signal didn’t seem to reach her feet, so she stayed rooted in place.

“Yeah,” he breathed. “How’ve you been?” he asked her, leaning to the right to rest his shoulder against the brick wall outside the pub.

“I’m okay,” she answered. Parker wanted to kick herself for telling him the truth. She had been seeing Owen for the past month and things were good, but she still thought about Calum. Every day. She didn’t want him to know that she never stopped thinking about him since the day he left her crying on her front porch. She knew it was wrong—she was with Owen now, and she shouldn’t still be thinking about Calum, but she couldn’t help it. “What about you?” Parker looked down, just noticing his guitar. “What’s with the guitar?”

Calum looked down to his case, then back up to Parker. “Uh, I play here, now. Couple nights a week,” he admitted.

Parker’s eyebrows raised in surprise. “Wow, that’s—good for you,” she smiled, and Calum had almost forgotten how much he’d missed her smile. Not a day went by that he didn’t think about it.

“Yeah,” he mumbled. “Gram and the boys talked me into it,” he chuckled.

Parker smiled. “How are they?”

“Boys are good, Gram’s really good,” he replied, smiling. “She came to a show the other night. I think it was too loud for her, though,” he laughed.

They stood in an awkward silence for a moment, before Parker spoke again. “Well, I should get going,” she trailed off, glancing behind him. “I’m supposed to meet Jenna,” she lied. She wasn’t sure why, but the thought of telling Calum she was going to meet her new boyfriend left a sour taste in her mouth.

“Yeah, okay,” Calum nodded. “See you around.” He picked up his case, moving to step around her and heading in the direction of the parking lot.

When he was a dozen feet away, she turned back to him. “Hey, Cal?” she called out.

He turned, and there was an expression on his face Parker couldn’t quite read. Expectant? Hopeful? She wasn’t sure. She opened her mouth, thought better of what she was about to say, and closed it again. She offered him a close-lipped smile. “It was good to see you again,” she said honestly. God, she missed him.

Calum smiled back. “You too, angel.” He hadn’t meant for the nickname he used to call her to slip out, but it did, and he wasn’t sorry. He watched a blush creep up her cheeks before she turned and walked away, and it gave him a small bit of satisfaction knowing he still had that effect on her.

• • • • • •

That night when Parker met up with Owen, he picked up on her visibly shaken nerves right away.

“Are you okay?” he asked her, concern drawing his brows together.

“Yeah,” she smiled. “I’m fine. Just—had a close call with another car on the road, and I’m still a bit shaken,” she lied easily.

He pulled her into his arms, hugging her tightly. “I’m glad you’re safe,” he murmured into her hair, rubbing her back.

He was so sweet. Thoughtful, caring, selfless. Parker liked Owen. She really did. He just—wasn’t Calum. She wouldn’t have hesitated to fall head over heels for him a few months ago. But things were different now. She couldn’t open her heart to Owen, because it didn’t belong to her—it still belonged to Calum.

» » » » » »

Calum was over at Gram’s for dinner after work, enjoying his favourite meal. Calum didn’t mind cooking for himself, and he wasn’t bad at it, but there was something special about someone else cooking for you. He loved Gram’s cooking, and she loved having someone else other than herself to cook for.

“Guess who I ran into the other night,” Calum mumbled over a mouthful.

“Young man, how old are you?” she chided. “Don’t talk with your mouth full.”

He swallowed, grinning. “Sorry. I said, ‘guess who I ran into the other night’?”

“That’s better,” she nodded. “Who?”

“Parker,” he sighed.

“Oh,” Gram said, surprised. “And?”

“She looks good. She saw me coming out of The Wildflower and I told her about me playing there, but she left in a hurry.” Calum sighed deeply, moving his dinner around the plate with his fork.

“You miss her,” Gram said, though it wasn’t a question.

“Like crazy,” he admitted, meeting her eyes. “I fuc—” he stopped, correcting himself when he noted the disapproving look on Gram’s face. “Sorry. I messed it up,” he said. “She’s too good for me. And I hurt her.”

“Calum Thomas Hood,” Gram scolded, swatting him on the arm. “She is not too good for you. She was lucky to have you. You need to stop being so hard on yourself,” she said softly. “Look at how far you’ve come, and you did it all on your own. You have every right to be happy, too.”

“I still love her, Gram.”

“I know, dear. So why don’t you call her? Doesn’t hurt to try,” she said optimistically.

“Maybe I will.”

• • • • • •

When Calum got home that night, he spent the rest of the night fighting with himself about whether he should call her. Ultimately, he decided a text might be better. He hoped and prayed that she hadn’t changed her number. God knows he almost did, just so he wouldn’t be tempted to answer the phone every time she called him in the days following their breakup. It took everything in him not to pick up. He took a deep breath, and typed out a message:

Good to see you the other night, love. Wanna grab a coffee this week? Catch up?

His finger hovered over the send button, but he hesitated. He didn’t know if he could take being rejected by her if she didn’t feel the same way anymore. He was doing good, far happier than he had been when he was working at Rudy’s. But part of him still doubted that he could make her happy. So he erased the message and lay in bed, lonely, wishing he could wrap his arms around her.

» » » » » »

Parker hadn’t stopped thinking about Calum since the night she ran into him on the street. She looked him up on Instagram, closing out of his profile several times and going back to it after trying and failing to convince herself she shouldn’t be going down this road. His most recent post was from last night, a short black-and-white clip of him playing the piano, with a caption underneath that read:

working on some new music, come and see me at The Wildflower tomorrow at 9 for a sneak peek ;)

Parker checked the time—8:42. Before she could even think about what she was doing, she threw on a beanie and her jacket, hoping that if she stayed towards the back he wouldn’t notice her. She slipped through the doors at 8:56, and Calum was just getting his things set up on the little stage.

Parker made her way to a quiet corner where she could see Calum clearly, but his view of her would be obstructed by the three guys sitting at a table in front of her, which suited her perfectly. A server came to her table and asked if she was ready to order. She hadn’t planned on ordering anything, but the girl had an annoyed look on her face, so Parker ordered a drink to appease her, requesting that she bring the cheque with it so she could pay ahead and slip out quietly as soon as Calum’s set was done.

Parker was at a loss for words when Calum finished his set. She knew he was talented—he had played for her a few times when they were together—but it was like he was born to be up on stage. He had the entire audience’s attention from the beginning to the end, herself included. She almost passed out when he hopped off stage and started walking towards her. She was frozen in place, unable to react. Then he stopped at the table in front of her with the three men that had blocked his view, and sat down. Parker felt like an idiot when she realized that the guys at the table were Ashton, Michael and Luke, and she hadn’t even recognized them. She pulled the beanie down farther on her head and stood as quickly and quietly as she could, slipping around the corner and out the front door before they saw her.

What she didn’t know was that Calum had looked up when she stood, and he caught a flash of blonde hair and unmistakable grey eyes before she disappeared out the front door.

• • • • • •

When Calum was on stage tonight, he thought he had hallucinated when he saw Parker sitting behind the boys. Then, when he saw her leave, he couldn’t help but smirk at her complete failure at attempting to be subtle. He swelled with satisfaction that she had come to see him perform, but he would let her think that she escaped without being seen. For now. He slept easy that night, a small spark of hope ignited in his chest.

» » » » » »

Calum and the boys went out on Saturday night to celebrate John offering him another night a week at The Wildflower and finally making enough money to be able to quit his soul-sucking office job. They had gone for a late dinner and were now waiting in line to get into a club downtown. The bouncer took their IDs and stamped them, waving them in behind him. It took Calum all of seven seconds to spot her on the dancefloor, and his heart dropped in his chest.

There she was, beautiful as ever, dancing up close and personal with some dude, and she seemed to be enjoying it. Jenna was right next to her, dancing with someone, too.

Calum tore his eyes away, his celebratory mood suddenly soured. He wasted no time in heading to the bar, ordering two shots with his beer and downing them one after another. If he was going to enjoy this night, drunk was the only way it was going to happen.

• • • • • •

Calum had loosened up a bit after an hour or so. He was standing with Michael, waiting for Luke and Ashton to return from the bar with their drinks. The boys had been ordering one round of drinks after another, and Calum was feeling buzzed. He glanced over at Parker every so often, and the same guy was still glued to her.

“You’re being creepy, dude,” Michael nudged him in the side. “We can go somewhere else, if you want,” he offered.

Calum shook his head. “I’m fine. We’re here to celebrate,” he grinned, reaching into his jacket pocket and producing a joint. “Come outside with me.”

Michael rolled his eyes but he returned his best friends’ shit-eating grin, following Calum outside onto the patio.

• • • • • •

Calum placed the joint between his lips, pulling his lighter out of his pocket and inhaling deeply as he felt the familiar spark in his lungs. He held it in for a few seconds, exhaling a cloud of smoke before passing it to Michael. He did the same, and they passed it back and forth until there was nothing left but a roach.

“You think she’s with that guy in there?” Michael asked finally, nodding his head towards the door.

Calum leaned his head back against the wall, closing his eyes. “I don’t know, mate. Kinda looks like it.”

“The world works in mysterious ways,” the blonde giggled. “Have patience. Patience comes to—no, good things have patience—fuck! What is it?”

Calum shot his best friend a quizzical look, and the two of them burst into a fit of laughter. Michael hardly ever smoked, and he turned into a blubbering idiot when he did. Calum could always count on Michael to make him laugh, even if it was usually at his expense.

“What I meant was,” Michael tried again after they had calmed down, “don’t give up yet. You’ve been through a lot of shit in your life. I figure eventually things are gonna have to work out for you, fate or destiny or karma or whatever the fuck it is, you know?”

Calum rolled his eyes at Michael’s less than articulate ramblings, but he appreciated the effort.

• • • • • •

Later on, long after Calum and Michael had made their way back inside, Calum caught sight of Parker. She was standing near the hallway leading to the bathrooms, talking to the blonde guy she had been dancing with earlier, her hand clasped in his. Calum watched as he kissed her on the cheek. So they were together, then. Then she smiled, though it seemed a little forced. This gave Calum a tiny bit of satisfaction. The guy dropped her hand as he pulled away and headed in the direction of the bar. Calum looked away, not wanting her to catch him staring—he wasn’t sure if she had noticed him yet.

He stepped outside for a smoke, feeling uneasy. He lit a second one when the first didn’t quite settle his nerves. Halfway through his second cigarette, the heavy metal door to his left opened, letting the loud music and hot air out with it. Calum smiled when a certain grey-eyed girl stepped out onto the patio. Everything happens for a reason. Isn’t that what Michael had said? Close enough.

“Hi, angel,” he spoke in a low voice, head back and eyes fixed ahead of him.

Parker jumped, looking to her right to see Calum leaned up against the wall, cigarette between his lips. “You scared me,” she giggled. Calum noticed right away that she was drunk.

He smirked. “Bit cold for a dress, isn’t it, love?”

She shivered. “Just needed some fresh air.”

“Blondie suffocating you?” he teased, though he had to admit it was really none of his business.

“Something like that,” she admitted. She shuffled closer and turned to him, surprised by her sudden urge to share personal details about her relationship with the man who broke her heart. “His name is Owen, by the way,” she started, but Calum interrupted her.

“No offense,” he replied, taking a drag of his cigarette, “but I don’t care what his name is.”

She shot him a dry look. “Someone’s bitter,” she muttered.

Calum barked out a laugh. “So you two are together, huh?” he asked casually, gesturing between Parker and the door leading back into the bar.

“For a month now, yeah,” she sighed. “I thought you didn’t care,” she challenged him, tilting her head.

“Fine, guilty,” Calum held his hands up in surrender. “I care. He makes you happy?” Calum knew he shouldn’t be asking her this, knew he was making it painfully obvious that he still loved her, but he couldn’t stop his mouth from moving.

“Owen’s nice, yeah,” she breathed, but there was a faraway look in her eyes. Calum knew that look. She wasn’t really happy.

“Saw you at my show the other night,” he said, changing the subject suddenly. So much for letting her believe she snuck out unnoticed.

Parker’s grey eyes went wide, and Calum chuckled. “You’re a lot of things, angel, but sneaky isn’t one of them.”

Her cheeks flushed pink. “Yeah, that was dumb,” she admitted. “You’re re—”

He turned abruptly, twisting his body so he was standing in front of her, hands on the wall behind her and caging her in, cigarette still held between his fingers. He brought his face so close to hers, their noses touched. “You don’t love him.” It was a statement, not a question. His eyes flickered down to her lips. God, how badly he wanted to kiss her again.

Parker shook her head without thinking. It was the truth—she wished she loved Owen, but she knew from the very beginning that she never would.

“Leave him.”

“He’s a really good guy,” she whispered. “I don’t want to hurt him.”

“You’re already hurting him, love.”

“I thought you wanted me to forget you,” she said, so quietly she wasn’t sure if he heard her.

“I lied.”

“I—” she started, but her attention was brought to the door on their left, the heavy metal creaking as it opened. Calum pulled away quickly, resuming his position a few feet away from her and taking another drag from his cigarette to slow his erratic heartbeat.

Owen poked his head out, and his face relaxed when he saw her. “There you are,” he said, coming over to where Parker stood and rubbing his hands down the length of her arms. “What are you doing out here? It’s freezing.”

“I just needed a minute,” she smiled.

Owen glanced over to where Calum stood, but Calum pretended not to notice. He wondered briefly if Owen knew who he was. “Come on,” he said. “Let’s go inside. Everyone’s leaving.” He took Parker’s hand and she followed him in. She chanced a quick look over her shoulder, but Calum wasn’t looking.

» » » » » »

Parker thought about Calum’s words all night, unable to sleep. She was supposed to go out for breakfast the next morning with Owen, Jenna and Taylor, but she texted Owen and told him that she wasn’t feeling well.

Later in the afternoon, she had made up her mind. She texted Owen and asked him if he would come over to talk. ‘Everything okay?’ had been his reply, but she didn’t respond. Within 20 minutes he was sitting on her couch, brows furrowed with concern and anticipation.

She hated confrontation, and she hated hurting people, but she saw no option other than to get it over with as quickly as possible.

“I’m just going to come right out and say it,” she started, taking a breath and letting the words tumble out. “I can’t be with you, Owen. I’m sorry. I can’t give you what you want, and it’s not fair to you.”

His eyes dropped to his lap, but he didn’t say anything.

After a few moments, Parker spoke again. “You don’t seem surprised,” she said quizzically, cocking her head to the side.

“Yeah,” Owen breathed, rubbing the back of his neck. “I’m not. You’ve been distant lately.”

“I’m sorry. I’ve just had a lot on my mind,” she admitted honestly.

He looked up at her. “That was him last night, wasn’t it? Outside on the patio?”

“Wh—”

“Nevermind,” he shook his head. “I don’t want to know.”

They were silent for a moment, then Owen shook his head again. “Actually, yeah, I do. Was it him?”

Parker hesitated before nodding. “Nothing happened,” she assured him.

“But you still love him.”

She nodded again. “I’m sorry,” she said again. “If I had met you a year ago—”

He placed his hand on top of hers. “It’s okay, Parker. You can’t help how you feel. It’s just—bad timing is all,” he chuckled lightly.

Parker smiled. It made it even harder for her to hurt him because of how understanding he was. “The worst,” she agreed.

He stood, and Parker followed him to the door. He slipped his shoes on, scooping up his keys from the side table. She took a step towards him, wrapping her arms around his waist and resting her head on his chest. “I wish things were different,” she murmured.

He relaxed around her, hugging her back and placing a kiss to the top of her head. “I know.”

He finally let her go, pulling back. “Well,” he said, reaching for the door. “Guess I’ll see you around.” He waved, and Parker’s heart broke as she watched him walk away, head down and shoulders sagging.

• • • • • •

Calum had another gig that night, and even though she was feeling guilty about hurting Owen, Parker desperately wanted to see Calum again. She decided she would go, and this time she wasn’t going to try to hide from him.

Calum was sitting at a table with the boys before his set, and he looked up when she walked through the front doors. She smiled at him, giving him a small wave. He stood to make his way over when John blocked his path, telling him it was time for him to go up on stage. He nodded, then shrugged apologetically at Parker. “Good luck,” she mouthed at him before taking a seat on one of the stools at the bar. The pub was full, and she was pretty sure it was all because of Calum.

Parker watched him intently for the entirety of his set, failing to hide her smile every time he looked up and caught her eye. She was clapping and cheering with the rest of the crowd when he thanked everyone for coming, and then he disappeared into the back. She turned around in her stool to face the bar, waiting for him to join her. When she felt someone come up to stand beside her, she smiled. Her smile faded instantly when she met the watery blue eyes of a man a few years older than her who reeked of alcohol.

“Pretty little thing like you, why are you sitting all alone?” he drawled, and it made Parker’s skin crawl. When she didn’t answer, he spoke again. “You look like you need a drink, honey.”

“No thanks,” she replied tightly, angling her body away from him in an attempt to make it clear she wasn’t interested. He didn’t seem to get the hint.

“Come on, baby girl, loosen up,” he tried again, moving closer. Parker leaned away again, trying to put more distance between them.

“I said no,” she said again, more firmly this time.

The guy was persistent, not willing to take no for an answer, and Parker was getting annoyed.

He slipped a hand around her, resting on her hip and squeezing as he leaned in close to her ear.

Just before Parker was about to get up and leave, she felt a wave of calm wash over her when she heard his voice.

“Get your hands off my girl, mate,” Calum growled, fist closing around the guy’s arm and ripping it off her before pushing him back so roughly he almost fell over. Parker’s insides went fuzzy at hearing him call her his girl. God, she had missed him saying that.

“Hey,” the guy grumbled, righting himself with one hand on the bar. “I have dibs on this one.”

“Oh, now you’ve done it, pal,” Parker heard one of the patrons laugh. This was Calum’s place, and everyone knew it. If he was going to set this scumbag straight, nobody, including John, was going to stop him.

Calum’s eyes narrowed as he stepped to the side, shielding Parker from his view. “She’s not your property.”

“Cal, just leave it,” Parker said quietly, coming to stand beside him and resting her hand on his shoulder.

“Oh yeah?” the guy challenged, quirking an eyebrow. “‘Cause I bet I could make her do all kinds of things with that pretty mouth of hers.”

Calum barely gave the guy enough time to finish his sentence before he brought his arm back and punched him so hard in the nose that he went sprawling on the floor. Blood poured from his nose, staining his teeth and dripping down the sides of his face. Parker gasped, stepping back instinctively.

Calum walked over to him, resting his booted foot on the guys’ throat.

“Calum, don’t!”

Calum had everyone’s attention now, but no one made a move to help the guy, knowing damn well he deserved to be put in his place. Calum put some of his weight down on his foot, obstructing the guy’s air flow just enough to have him squirming. He knew he was being a little bit dramatic, but he’d be damned if he let anyone disrespect Parker like that.

“Apologize,” Calum snarled.

In lieu of a reply, the guy spat on the ground beside him.

Calum pressed down harder, the guy’s face turning red from lack of oxygen. “I said, apologize.”

The guy struggled to get Calum’s foot off of him but the lack of blood flow to his brain made him weak. “Sorry,” he choked out, and Calum lifted his foot. He crouched down, Calum’s face hovering inches over the guy as he gasped to refill his lungs with air.

“Next time you think twice about speaking to a lady that way,” he said, calmly but menacingly. “Now get the fuck out of my pub.”

The guy scrambled to his feet. “Psycho,” he muttered as he wiped his face on his sleeve before rushing to the door.

Parker was still frozen in place, staring at the door. The whole encounter lasted all of two minutes, but it felt like a lifetime. No one else seemed fazed—the pub had resumed its activity from before the whole encounter.

“You okay, love?” Calum asked, slipping his finger under her chin and tipping it up to look at him.

She nodded. “That was—intense,” she breathed.

“Come for a walk with me,” he said, ticking his head towards the door for her to follow.

He held the door open for her, following her out. It was mid-February and it was snowing, but it wasn’t very cold. It was a beautiful night, really.

“I’m sorry if I scared you,” he said quietly.

“You didn’t,” Parker shook her head. “But you probably scarred him for life,” she laughed lightly.

Calum grinned. “No one talks to my girl like that. He deserved it.”

There it was again—my girl. Parker’s heart swelled. “I broke up with Owen,” she said abruptly, surprising herself at her bluntness, but also relieved that now it was out in the open.

“Figured that’s why you came tonight,” he shrugged.

She bumped him with her hip. “You’re pretty confident, aren’t you?” she teased.

“I watched you with him, angel. I could tell it wasn’t real for you. You knew it, too.”

Parker sighed. “I know. He just wasn’t you,” she confessed.

Calum turned to her, brushing his right thumb over her cheek. “I’ve missed you,” he murmured.

“You left me,” she whispered, feeling the telltale sting in her throat warning her that she was about to fall apart. “Crying on my doorstep. You never answered when I called.”

He caught her right hand in his left, bringing it up to his lips and pressing a kiss to the back of it. “I know, baby. I’m sorry.”

“I could have been there for you, but you just walked away. You gave up everything, all because you didn’t believe in us.”

“Parker, I’m—”

“No, Cal, I’m not done!” she interrupted. “I waited for you. Every single day I waited for you to figure out that you were being stupid, but you never came back for me. I never once gave you any reason to believe that you weren’t good enough for me,” she wiped at her cheeks forcefully, tears staining the sleeves of her coat. “You were always good enough, but you got so wrapped up in your head that you convinced yourself I could do better. You were the only one standing in our way!”

Calum fell silent. Parker was right. Deep down, he always knew it. It was why he never answered when she called, why he drove away that night before he gave her a chance to talk. Because he knew she would convince him that he was wrong. He never gave Parker a chance to prove that she wanted him, through the good and the bad. If there was ever a time he didn’t deserve her, it was now, after everything he put her through.

Calum pressed his forehead against hers. “I have nothing else to say other than that I’m sorry. You were right about everything. I hate myself for hurting you, but it’s what I thought was right, at the time. I was wrong. I know I can’t take it back, but if you let me, I can make it right. ‘Cause I love you. And I don’t really care about anything else.”

Parker inhaled sharply. Deep down, she knew all she needed was an affirmation that he still loved her. Lord knew she never stopped loving him. And then he kissed her, and Parker forgot what it felt like to live without him.

• • • • • •

When Calum and Parker walked back into the pub holding hands, the boys started cheering and clapping.

Luke grabbed Parker around the waist, tugging her onto his lap and squeezing her tightly, making her giggle. She had missed the boys, too. “Thank god,” Luke sighed, laughing. “We thought we were never gonna hear the end of it if you two didn’t get back together.”

Calum shot Luke a stern look, but it lasted less than a second before his face split into a grin. “Hands off my lady, mate. You saw what I did to that other guy.”

“I’ve got three inches on you, brother,” he scoffed out a laugh. “I could take you.”

“Okay, boys, relax. No one else needs to fight over me tonight,” Parker laughed. “You won’t get into trouble for that, will you?” Parker asked, suddenly worried about the fight she inadvertently caused. She couldn’t bear the thought of being the reason Calum got fired from another job.

“For taking out that asshole? God, no. Don’t worry, doll. John would never fire me.”

“We were gonna head out, Cal,” Ashton piped up. “You coming?”

“I can take you home,” Parker offered, turning to Calum.

He leaned down to whisper in her ear so the boys wouldn’t hear. “Only if you stay,” he murmured.

Parker smiled. They had a lot of catching up to do, and she was pretty sure neither of them would be sleeping much tonight.

Michael hugged her tight as the boys left the pub. “It’s good to have you back, P,” he murmured. “We missed you.”

» » » » » »

Despite having a very late night, Calum had the best sleep in what felt like years. He woke with Parker laying on his chest, the sound of her breathing letting a feeling of bliss wash over him. He didn’t realize quite how lonely his bed had been until he had Parker back in it. He loved this woman—there was no doubt in his mind that he would do anything for her. He counted himself lucky that she was willing to come back to him after hurting her the way he did, and he swore that he’d never let her go again.

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