#to address them as part of a whole and berate them ! when you could just! block people! and mute phrases!

[furinafontaine]

"heres my rant post abt something that doesnt matter that im going to tag with 5 thousand different tags so everyone in this fandom sees me complaining abt something i can personally avoid by hitting the block button" or you could go outside maybe

[lookingthroughmirrors]

Opinion on how annabeth punches and pushes percy, the judo flip and percy being reduced to a himbo malewife in hoo (can't make his way out of a paper bag without annabeth).

(Please note most of knowledge comes from PJO and HOO as I have not read much of the later series, but I do know the main points and events that happened and have read certain pages *cough* judo flip *cough*

I’ll start with the first part, Annabeth punching Percy (which happens the first time long before HOO) and the infamous Judo flip, which is for some reason very controversial.

Most of the arguments I see are one of these few things.

1. Annabeth was worried and did it out love

2. They were raised as demigods (child soldiers) so it’s not the same/ they are used to violence therefore it excuses her actions

3. There is nothing wrong with her hitting because it wasn’t like

First off, all of these arguments and any other ones I’ve seen when it comes to this topic and defending Annabeth are bullshit. Why? Because there is no excuse to hitting a partner. Slapping someone’s shoulder while joking or something in a similar context is miles different to what was happening here. Annabeth hit Percy hard, and she did it with the intention of making it hurt. There is no excuse for that. Sure, they were raised as Demigods and violence has always been a large part of their lives, but then shouldn’t Percy also lash out and hit Annabeth if that’s the case? And shouldn’t that be fine too? You don’t hit someone out of worry or concern either, not hard enough for an army to believe you to be a threat. Annabeth has never been nice to Percy, she canonically say in TLT that she doesn’t care if he dies, only that she can go on the quest. And ok, maybe that could be written off as an immature twelve year old, if her actions in later books didn’t continually prove that she hadn’t changed or developed. I think another fundamental issue in her relationship with Percy is that she can never be wrong, Luke being the biggest example of this.

Percy, even with his history and past friendship with Luke, was able to look at things objectively to an extent. He says multiple times that Luke had a point. I honestly think if it had’ve just been Luke, if titans hadn’t of been involved, that Percy would’ve joined Luke. But that’s a whole other thing. I only bring it up because I think Luke particularly is the best example of Percy having far better judgement than Annabeth, who refuses to be wrong. Something that again is addressed within BOTL, when she challenges the Sphynx because of her pride, and is an asshole to Rachel because she doesn’t want to rely on another person and is jealous. She likes being the leader, she wants to be the person people rely on, but that has always comes naturally to Percy despite how much he himself hates it.

I personally would’ve far preferred Perachel to be canon than Percab*th. Percy is always stressed about Annabeth, about doing the wrong thing where with Rachel feels like he can be himself, not like he has to live up to some invisible standard he can’t ever hope to meet.

I also, as I’ve written about before when discussing Percab*th is that Annabeth is not an essential character to HOO, and that she could’ve easily been interchanged for someone more interesting and dynamically different. I think Percy was sidelined to try and give Annabeth more purpose in the story. I also think Percy is consistently put down, berated and underestimated. He literally has people thinking he’s a god when he first meets them, that isn’t someone who lacks power. I also think Annabeth has always been a little bit scared of Percy to certain degree. Or at least acutely aware that she would not be able to put a fight if Percy turned on her and he put in a tiny bit of effort.

I also Percy is never given enough or really any recognition of everything he did. That he took the prophecy so it wouldn’t go to Nico. That he turned down immortality, not for Annabeth, but because of a promise he made to Luke and his years long stance that nothing is worth living forever for. I think the nuance of Percy as a character, and his ability to connect with and understand characters like Like and Ethan is severely underdeveloped. He has never been blind to the gods faults, he didn’t do what he did in the name of the gods. He did it for the campers, for the demigods who’d carry out their parents burdens simply because they had the audacity to be born. Demigods doomed to die from the moment they’re born because of their parents, like him. I particularly think Percy is too far often used as a scapegoat for Nico’s issues and often either villainised or dumbed down into a himbo.

It’s ridiculous, since Percy has repeatedly shown himself to have both better judgment and better strategising skills than Annabeth. Percy is better than Annabeth, and he has far more power than she ever will.

Percy is such an amazing and nuanced character with so much room to explore different characteristics he’s shown at different times and he is too often sidelined to boost another character (most often Annabeth and Nico)

Overall I don’t really like Annabeth, and I’ve yet to hear a viable reason as to why what she did should be ok. And I truly believe HOO did a disservice to Percy by dumbing him down, and making him reliant on Annabeth.

I hope you like my answer! Thank you so much for asking I absolutely love getting questions and I also love a chat so please feel free to keep it coming!

[girl-next-door-writes]

How Can We Say Forever

Characters: Armitage Hux x reader

Summary: There is a fine line between the fantasy and the reality. So when that line is crossed, Armitage does what he feels is necessary to survive.

Word Count: 1097 words

Prompt: Angst. Mutual pining. Everyone knows but them. A kiss without thinking. Help fixing clothes.

A/N: @morby requested a touch of angst for my favourite general as part of my follower milestone celebration, and so here it is.

It had been the right thing to do. Obviously it was the correct decision, so why did he have to spend so much time telling himself that? Strategically, it made sense for you to take a squadron and set up a base in the abandoned Rebel camp, find out as much as you could about the area. Professionally, it made sense for you to gain this promotion of sorts. Personally… well.

If asked, Armitage could tell someone how long, to the very minute, it had been since you had left his side. Like a slow drip in the back of his mind, his body tracked the loss, stealing him of sleep and what little appetite he had. Countless times, he turned a corner and believed, for a fraction of a second, that he caught a glimpse of you. There were moments he thought he caught the scent of your shampoo. The whole situation was slowly driving him insane. Your absence was more of a distraction than your presence had ever been.

“General Hux.” Your voice cut through his thoughts. Even the grainy hologram of you didn’t ease the deep ache within him. These update reports had started as the highlights of his week, but now they were just a reminder of the distance between you.

His image appeared before you, causing your heart to race. He looked like he hadn’t been sleeping, exhaustion etched on his features, and you felt a pang of concern. What you would give to be there to take on some of his burdens, to lighten his load. Then again, that was the problem was it not? You had got too close and now you were banished from his presence.

It had started out as little things, helping with paperwork, bringing him an extra caff on your way past the bridge when he was on shift. At first, he seemed surprised by your gestures, then intrigued. The line between you grew blurred and you had taken for granted all the little smirks and knowing looks he sent your way, thinking this was how it would always be, you and your General.

Of course, this behaviour did not go unnoticed by others. Phasma would roll her eyes affectionately whenever she saw you approaching her and Hux, knowing that she had lost his attention completely as soon as he spotted you. Kylo had publicly berated you for a mistake which was not your fault, and paused mid-sentence when he felt the heat of Armitage’s anger pulsing through him. Ren turned to look at the General who was trying so hard to conceal his emotions, knowing protecting you would only lead to ruin. Several underlings on the base had figured out that, if they had to take bad news to their General, then the best time would be when you were there, somehow you always lessened the blow.

This budding, whatever it was, was clear to see by everyone who saw the two of you together and yet, if asked, you both would insist it was a professional respect and nothing more. That was until the incident.

Standing in his office, Armitage frowned as he went over his notes for his latest address. The fine balance between inspiration and lecturing he usually excelled at felt a little forced this time.

“I just don’t think it is stirring enough.” He grumbled as you took the notes from him and cast your eye over them.

“I think, there are troops who would feel inspired by you even if you read them the instruction manual for refresher installation. It is just as much about how you say it as it is what you say.” You place the notes on the desk and smooth down the lapels of his coat, picking off an errant piece of lint that had dared defile his ensemble.

As your fingers worked over the cloth, Armitage felt as if time had slowed. Holding his breath, his eyes took in every detail of your face, savoring the proximity. There was something about having you this close that made his brain glitch. He felt heat rising up the back of his neck and just prayed you wouldn’t notice the panicked look in his eyes. The desire to say something witty, to make you smile, or even laugh, was overwhelming and left him speechless.

“There. Perfectly presentable.” You hummed, looking up from the coat with a soft smile. “Go inspire the masses, Sir.”

And that was when it happened. That was the moment that changed everything. Without a thought, you had leaned in and placed a kiss to his cheek as if it were the most natural thing for you to do.

On the loneliest of nights, when he lay in the dark of his bedroom, Armitage closed his eyes and would swear he could feel the warmth of your breath, the softness of your lips, the stain of your kiss forever imprinted upon his soul.

Armitage stiffened at the contact, bringing you back to your senses and you hurriedly pulled away, eyes wide with panic.

“Sir, I-“ whatever you had been about to say, whatever apology that might have fallen from your lips was interrupted by a trooper informing the General that he was required urgently. And so, he had left. He left you standing there in his office wondering how badly you had damaged your relationship.

Armitage had been a coward, he knew that. After going out of his way to avoid you, he had happened upon this advancement for your career. He knew you sort him out when you received your new orders, Phasma had told him as much, but he couldn’t bring himself to see you. If you were physically in his presence then either you would apologise and he would see how much you wished to take back that moment, a moment that had become the most precious to him, OR he would take back this promotion because the reality of never seeing you again would break his heart.

The latter was not an option. You had to go. Somehow, you had become his weakness and as soon as that was discovered then he was done for. There was no room in the First Order for ‘happy ever after’, no space for ‘forever’. He didn’t deserve that kind of life and a romantic entanglement would only prevent him from focusing on his long term goals. It was the right thing to do. Strategically, professionally, it was the right decision. So why did he feel that he was simply sitting here, waiting for you?

[sunflower-ozzy-online]

Wyll You Take This Man

Chapter 3 of

Where There's a Wyll There's a Way - Masterlist

Wyll (Baldur's Gate) /Reader - Enver Gortash/Reader (more a warning than a promise)

Additional Tags: Arranged Marriage - Angst

Spoilers for Baldurs Gate 3

It's the day of the wedding, will Wyll come?

Your conversation with Wyll yesterday was still on your mind as you were being prepped for your wedding. Dark makeup was applied as his words stirred your heart. Could you have ran? What would have happened if you did? Your town had survived without Gortashes protection so far. Although your family's reputation would surely be tainted and all trade may be stopped between Baldur's Gate. You were unsure just how vengeful Gortash would be. 

Yes, Wyll may have been able to protect you but there was no way to ensure your peoples safety. You had finally accepted your role, why did he have to show up now? Gortash was treating you well enough. At least when people were around, though you were rarely alone. One of the maids poked your eye lid with the brush. Your eyes were dark at Gortashes request. At least he was a very consistent man. Thankfully your gown today was mostly white. The golden embroidery was stabbed into it but it didn't look so gaudy on the nice silken fabric. You weren't allowed any input into your look, just like yesterday. 

You used to dream of your wedding. Back when it was going to be with Wyll. You had talked about basic color schemes with him as teenagers after your parents had made arrangements with each other. You were excited, he was dashing and considerate as well as an amazing dancer. Often you thought about your first dance with him. His strong arms would make you feel protected as the spins lightened your head. You would laugh freely knowing he wouldn't judge. 

There was no more laughter in your life. Besides forced polite laughter you made to please others. Your whole life was to please others. Put on a smile and say yes. You had no other options. 

When Wyll was disowned your marriage was no longer beneficial, even if you could still marry him he ran far away from Baldur's gate. Leaving both his past and you behind. Of course you heard of the blade of the frontiers. It wasn't hard to put two and two together and place the dashing hero as Wyll. He was thriving, and you were left alone with no prospects. Part of you was proud of him, he never liked the stuffiness of titles. Though he seemed to fit in no matter what situation he was in. A bigger part of you felt betrayed he had not even sent a letter saying goodbye. Your arrangement was not one solely on a political basis. You loved him. You fell for him everytime he snuck you out of stuffy ballrooms and took you to his favorite places in the city. Your heart would jump when he laughed wholeheartedly at your jokes not berating you due to their less than intelligent nature. You had thought he loved you back. He accepted the arrangement with gusto. It's hard to believe someone ever loved you when they leave you without a word. 

Years of dedication, devotion, and planning ruined as your parents got the letter informing them of the change in the Ravengaurds family status. It was from Wyll's father, only addressed to your parents addressing the sudden end of a contract. No explanation besides the date and a brief reason “Wyll has proven himself unworthy of his title and has been disowned after an incident.”  You waited for Wyll to come for you, throwing rocks at your window and whisking you away for a future free of titles and full of joy. You would stay up waiting for him. He never came. Never wrote. 

You were glad you did not love Gortash. It would be harder for him to disappoint you this way. You were both aware of what your marriage would be. Simply a contract beneficial to both parties. You would receive protection for your people and continue your bloodline in a worthy family and he would receive the legitimacy a marriage to a duke/duchess would bring to his new title.Your hair was put up with elaborate pins after you were enveloped in the gown. Your shoes seemed like an afterthought as they pinched due to being a size too small. He had planned a lunch wedding and reception that lasted until dinner. You had a small breakfast but prepared yourself to be strung out and exhausted by the end of the day. Most people would be exhausted due to all of the emotions of their wedding. The only emotions you had currently were negative. Mainly disdain for your groom with a hint of melancholy. You had a sneaking suspicion he would still be dressed in that gaudy v neck jumpsuit he has worn every day you've seen him. If you had any other choice that didn't doom you, your family, or your people you would run. 

Alas you found yourself in front of a pair of familiar doors. In a world full of gods he chose a venue that only worshiped himself. Fitting. You had no bridesmaids and you were going to walk down the aisle yourself. You held onto the bouquet of strange flowers you had no recollection of hoping they had thorns as you waited for the go ahead. One of the staff nodded at you to say it was time. 

As the doors opened you raised your head to look down the aisle. As you started to walk soft music played and people stood to watch. You searched the crowd for faces, spotting your parents towards the front. There was no sight of Wyll. You were relieved he had not come to stop the wedding but his newly revealed scarred face would have soothed you nonetheless. 

There was another face missing from your wedding. As you approached the altar you noticed Gortash was not waiting for you. You had no wedding rehearsal, at least none you were involved in, so you were unsure of if this was planned or not. You tried not to let the surprise get to you. If Gortash pulled out of the wedding that would save you both from the marriage and the consequences of running away. For the first time today you were excited. 

Then the music stopped. The door flew open and heads turned. There he was in that dumb jumpsuit wearing a golden head dress that matches the pins in your hair. He was followed by an entourage of flaming fists trailing behind him in perfect step. He announced there had been an attack by the Absolutes forces outside the gates but his Steelwatch had taken care of them. He told them how sorry he was for being late but emphasized how important the safety of his people was to him. Bullshit flew from his mouth as he approached you and loudly asked for your forgiveness while he grabbed and kissed your hand. 

“What do you say my dearest? Will you find it in your heart to forgive me on our special day?”

You could see it on his face. The insincerity in his eyes. The small smile playing on his lips. There was no saying no to him. 

“Of course my dear. The safety of our citizens comes before all else.” 

This you meant.

You would spend the rest of your life with this liar  if it meant your people would be safe. It was the only honest thing you said that entire day. 

You went through your vows, vowing to be with him and love him through sickness and health. To bring each other happiness through honesty. He was putting on a show, but it wasn't for you. The words that fall past your lips felt like a mockery of the dreams you once had. Dreams of a future with Wyll. If he had come back all those years ago and asked for your hand would you have been saying these words to him? 

As the officiant,  notably not Duke Ravengaurd, who had been acting strangely when you saw him yesterday, reached the objections part. There was not even a stir in the audience. 

Do you Enver Gortash take Y/N L/N to be your wedded love till death do you part?”

“I do.” 

“Do you Y/N L/N take Enver Gortash as your wedded husband until death do you part?” 

“I do.”

“Without further ado I now pronounce you archduke and archduke/duchess. You may kiss.” 

Gortash pulled you in by the waist and placed a surprisingly long yet chaste kiss upon your lips. 

As he pulled away he turned his head towards the audience and dropped his hand from your waist. Whatever he told them in his fake bravado hardly registered in your mind. The day that should have been a celebration of love became a funeral for the dreams you had buried. And you were the only one in mourning.

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Masterlist

[dairy-godmother]

Grace Needles and Miss Viscous

(A World of Mr. Plant Fanfic by Darius)

These two are Miss Viscous(27), a member of the void welcome committee, and Grace needles(12), a local kid well known for appearing alone in the void with nothing but a really good pie crust recipe. For the past 4 years, Grace has been the sole winner of Void Superstar Jr.

“Today's news : winner of void Superstar Jr.™ has been released With unsurprising results! void Sweetheart Grace Needles has once again run a successful campaign! Grace, tell us dear, how is it that you're able to run unopposed cach year?”

Grace stared at the microphone, speechless as usual.

"It's simple, really!" Miss Viscous, her manager and caretaker said as she butted into the conversation, "she’s as cute as a button! Now, I'm quite Sorry, but we won't be taking any more questions today! Little Grace is all worn out!”

Grace's white pupils followed the paparazzi as she and Viscous left the lobby of the building. Another successful campaign. This marks the fourth year in Grace's streak. Usually, that meant she would be able to meet the winner of the adult section face to face. That wasn't the case this year because they apparently voted for a murderer.

Miss Viscous had no interest in this “Mister Plant” character. Grace, however, had always studied each of the adults she’d won with. She wanted to know how they won and what they aspired to be. That prospect didn’t end with murderers.

Looking for Mr. Plant’s record was difficult enough. The real issue was finding out where he lived. Eventually, Grace was able to find him on a strange blog run by the head of the welcoming committee. Some person obsessed with Mr. Plant. Obviously his address wasn’t on there, but there was a photo of them just outside his house

It wasn’t very hard to find it past there. After a bit more studying, she figured out that Mr. Plant’s boyfriend, Argos, the person who ran the blog, was the person who signed him up for Void superstar. Things started to click in Grace’s button. Being a part of the void welcome committee, Argos obviously had tons of friends and acquaintances in the void who didn’t actually care about the Void Superstar. To be honest, that was probably how Grace won the first couple years.

Once Grace knew all she wanted to know, she decided to take a visit to Mr. Plant’s void. It wasn’t very hidden. It’s not like anyone actually cared about his “crimes.”

She sent him a letter, obviously not expecting a response. It didn’t matter whether she got a response or not anyways. She didn’t need fake advice from someone trying to keep face like she usually got when meeting void superstars. No. She needed something real. Something that would make her “the talk of the whole void.” she knew that he had something special she could use to her advantage.

Argos and Mr. Plant were driving to void 12 to see the stars that day. Grace had packed a bag for her little trip. She wasn’t going to follow them or anything crazy like that. She was just going to… explore the house. And watch him from the window. Nothing crazy at all. Once they were completely gone, Grace made her way into the house and started taking notes.

A few days later, once she’d seen a missing child psa on Mr. Plant’s television for her, Grace decided to go home. She’d worried Miss Viscous enough. It was a very educational trip and nobody seemed to know she was there. It was perfect.

When she got home, Miss Viscous was frantic and angry about Grace’s disappearance, berating her for what she’d done.

“You missed four days of work! You have exercise to catch up on, new dance to practice, you probably haven’t been on your diet, and your clothes are probably all wrinkled in that bag! Even worse, apparently there’s a new kid running for Void Superstar Jr. next year and missy, it is not looking very good for you!” She ranted.

Grace hated to see Miss Viscous upset. She’d done so much for the void and should be congratulated. Grace asked Miss Viscous who the new competitor was.

“The new competitor? Just take the newspaper. He’s all over it. Now go to your room and get ready for exercise!”

When Grace went upstairs, she found that Miss Viscous had made a mess of her room. Luckily, there was a new newspaper on her desk. Grace had all the information she needed.

Grace and Miss Viscous made their way to the gym. When they got there, Miss Viscous pointed out the competition. Some gross teenage human. Really?

Either way, Grace greeted him as politely as she could.

“Ew, I don’t want to talk to one of you. Weird void person.”

Grace no longer felt any remorse for what she was about to do.

That night, Miss Viscous was watching tv. She saw on the news that that boy had died at the gym while attempting to bench press too much for him to carry. There was blood all over the scene. Why were they so willing to put such gruesome images on the television ? She turned it off and went upstairs to open the door of Grace’s freshly cleaned room. Her perfect little button was in her pajamas, studying at her desk. Miss Viscous knocked the door a little bit before peeking in.

“Hey sweetie, I was just watching the TV… that competitor from earlier.. he’s had an accident at the gy-“

Grace dropped her pen on the table and turned to look at Miss Viscous. There was… blood. Spattered on her button head. Miss Viscous felt like she’d been shot in the gut.

“G-goodnight. Sweetheart. I love you.”

Grace made a heart with her hands. Miss Viscous shut the door.

The next year, Grace ran unopposed and she owed it all to one man. Mr. Plant.

[all-devouring-history-hub]

I'm sorry that your blog had to end like this. I get needing to start anew and wanting your ideas to be the best they can be, that's why @poisonrozen created @despair-to-future-arcs as a reboot for @neo-world-program-moniter. I'm also sorry that you seemed to feel so isolated since February, and all of the bullying that has gone on for so long in your life. I'm glad you're alive after the devastation of Helene, and I'm just glad in general that you're alive. Even if @a-tale-never-told never comes to pass in any other form, I'll always be fond of the ideas and history that came with it. And if you do decide to bring it back in some way, I'll be there waiting with my own ideas and asks for these crazy kids. Either way, I'd be more than happy to be your friend, and talk with you as much as you please. I mean it

//Yeah. It truly is depressing, laboring tirelessly and churning out posts only for them to be barely acknowledged by anyone outside of my fanbase. In all honesty, I should really count my blessings that I'm even still being brought up in conversation by others who're relatively unaware of this blog's existence, instead of being disregarded and effectively reduced to an unknown.

//Even then, part of this feels like I hold some form of accountability for all of this since my mental instability has undergone a freefall into the pits of deluded fear-mongering, and I never even bothered to have a healthy conversation to disclose my personal opinions about the state of this blog and how others treated it. But if we're being completely real here, who even wanted to talk about this?

//I get it, I'm a bit mentally volatile when it comes to discussing the performance and expectations of the story, big whoop. In no universe does that justify me sardonically berating and harassing the individuals who constantly take time out of their everyday lives to listen to what I have to say, and formulate false perceptions of why the blog isn't accomplishing what it's supposed to provide. We've deviated so far from the original idea of what this blog was supposed to stand for, I find it quite amusing that it took me this long to address my shortcomings.

//Craving a sense of acknowledgment and validation from those around me is an integral part of what fully defines me as a person, and I never meant to come off as being a nuisance or filthy to anyone, but this was really the wrong way to go about it.

//For all of the systematic flaws within ATAT as a whole, I sincerely don't want it to suffer premature death or simply be vastly overshadowed and left to decompose into a pile of waste. Since there's nobody else within the Tumblr community pursuing the subgenre of alternate history as passionately to the extent that an entire blog revolves around it, it lies within me to deliver a model of content that is best suited to everyone's preferences.

//As you can probably tell though, these aspirations automatically did not equate well to gaining the approval of both communities. Nowadays, I'm far more invested in gathering proper evidence to support my hypothetical claims, hence why I have expressed my intentions to take the alternate timeline element much more seriously and in an informative and readable manner.

//In simpler terms, I'm pretty proud of the concept of analyzing and deconstructing various types of lore and offering insightful commentary on said lore, and why shouldn't I be? It sounds like a very engrossing and productive hobby, and there's a hidden market for that sort of genre on Tumblr.

//All in all, I don't necessarily agree with my previous stance, per se. But it inarguably provided quite an insightful look into just how warped my perceptions and idealistic, nonsensical expectations were for this blog. Looking at it, I see this as more of a learning experience to note down and serve as a constant reminder of what I could potentially accomplish instead of penalizing myself for every single misconception and error I promoted.

[councillor-roland]

That wicked gleam in Raphael's eyes was not promising and no sooner had it registered than the older vampire was off on a tirade, scolding Roland as though he were nothing more than a child. Roland stiffened, his own demeanor hardening and jaw tightening as it went on. Raphael was using that name again, too. Still, Roland had enough class to not interrupt him, to let him get it all out, irritated on top of everything else by the fact that Raphael still looked incredibly handsome even while he was angry. The gall.

When Raphael was finished at least the first part of his rant, addressing the security measures, Roland responded, his tone clipped and words just as heated. "What more is there to discuss? Simply the fact that despite all the seemingly good work being done the attacks keep happening. I'm not sure about you, but to me that seems to say what we're doing isn't working and perhaps we should try something else. It may be time to resort to somewhat more extreme measures, in spite of your fear of them. How is it that we're short staffed, anyway? Between us we have essentially endless resources so why have we not used those to increase our staff? To hire as many guards and magical security as we need to protect ourselves?"

Raphael started in again and Roland ground his teeth. "Yes, how dare I suggest alternative measures to the ineffective ones we're currently taking, what insolence on my part." He shook his head. "You speak for the whole council now, do you? It certainly seems as though you've elevated yourself to that position, privy as you seem to be to the opinions of many councilman and acting on your own in what should have truly been a group decision. I'm pleased to learn you're willing to belatedly extend the privilege to all of us now, how generous of you." The mockery in his tone was think. He blinked at Raphael when he asked him what he was doing, almost in disbelief, leaning forward in his chair as he spoke. "What am I doing? I suggested alternatives and was shot down! I'm using all of my considerable connections to find out anything I can about who is behind these attacks. I came here to attempt a civil discussion about what further measures could be taken but clearly that is impossible when all you're willing to do is berate me and stoop to immature name calling!" He shouldn't have added that last part, should have stuck to not reacting, but he was too angry to fully control himself.

And Roland suddenly had his full attention in the worst way anyone could capture that from Raphael. While his head raised from the notes he was jotting down, a wicked gleam in his dark eyes. His lips pressed together in a tight line for only a second while he didn't even let Roland's words sink in. Once again, here came a young councilman who thought he knew everything when really he learned nothing.

"And what more is there to discuss on the matter, Mr. Roach?" he asked, dropping his pen on his desk and leaning back in his seat. "Perhaps I'm not seeing this as clearly as you are. I was attacked and received not even a scratch because I was aware of what was happening in Krovs. I took care of myself. We already have our guards running ragged with extra patrols and double shifts as our police officers in Krovs Town are doing down below. Both of these have been short-staffed to begin with. Our head of magical security, Mr. Renaud, is still recovering from being attacked in France recently while investigating Mr. Hathor's death in Egypt with Dr. Gaudet. I'm not sure what Mr. Frey or Mr. Tremenouille are doing in the meantime but our magic consultants are picking up the slack with magical defenses, using divination means to find more answers into real leads, and providing protections for those who are not magically inclined."

The ghoul paused there for a moment as he reigned back his temper. Roland should consider himself lucky that he was speaking in a fairly level tone and hadn't cursed him right there on the spot for even daring to waste his time with this. "It is when there are actual facts and evidence to link someone to these heinous crimes. I decided to take charge because Roman Thomson is the only real lead we've had brought to our attention and I refuse to have us all sit in a room and bicker and allow young, obnoxious, self-absorbed, clueless, entitled little bitches like Dorian and Ilya who refuse to pay attention to facts and vote no because they think they know everything when they don't. As Dr. Gaudet said, Mr. Roach, the ones that do the least talk the loudest and the longest. You are quickly pushing yourself into that category in the views of many councilmen since you've arrived here in Krovs." He narrowed his eyes at the much younger vampire. "I took action that everyone else on the council left sitting for over a month. If you manage to find legitimate evidence into someone potentially being behind these attacks, you can do the same. Which brings me to my question in return, what are you doing about everything other than coming to my suite and whining to me about how the council isn't doing enough for security?"

[danses-with-dogmeat]

Romanced! Male!Companions react to Sole/Lone/Six being unable to walk the morning after.

I’ve got M!Companions from FO4, FO3, and FONV here, but let me know if you guys want me to include anyone else at all! 

Might be just a little NSFW?

;)

Fallout 4 --

Danse: 

     Danse would feel absolutely horrible. After the initial flush on his cheeks at the mention of sex, his expression would turn to one of devastation. There honestly wouldn't be any sense of satisfaction whatsoever at having hurt you, and he would internally berate himself for not being as attentive to you, and as aware of your reactions as he should've been. That day he would tell you to take it easy and he would be at your constant beck and call in an attempt to make it up to you. He would spend all day beside you, working on cleaning and repairing your weapons and armor, engaging in idle conversation, and maybe listening to the radio. The next time you two are intimate he will be exceedingly gentle with you, and will take extra care to ensure you are more prepared for him before really getting into it.  

Deacon: 

     He would feel really bad to have hurt you enough to impact you like this, but also he would feel just a small twinge of satisfaction at having been able to do so. He'll do his best to take care of you after you tell him about it though, spending the whole day with you in bed, just chatting away, playing little games with you, like “two truths, one lie” or 20 questions and the like. When the time does come for you two to be intimate again, he'll have you take the lead a few times in a row to get an idea of your preferred pacing so he can replicate it better and hopefully not hurt you in the future. But, and he's not particularly proud of this, he will ask your permission to tell some of the others back at HQ what had happened. (He just really just wants to see the look on Carrington’s face, and prove a certain something to Glory about his anatomy. But, of course, he wouldn’t use your name if you didn't want him to. Discretion is this man’s forte, after all).

 Hancock: 

     Is it still considered aftercare if it happens the day after you've had sex? Well, whatever it’s called, Hancock would do all that he can to make up for how he had made you feel. He should know better after all by now, he would feel horrible and try to think back to the way you had reacted to some of his movements in an effort to pinpoint what exactly had hurt you so he could make sure to never do it again. If you wanted chems to numb the pain, he'll surely offer them, and besides that, he'll spend the whole day just looking after you. Holding you close, telling you jokes and stories, making you food, maybe giving you a message, just anything to make you feel better. And when you two are intimate again, he'll be sure to make it up to you. Big time.

 MacCready:

     Initially, he might feel a distinct sense of pride at having rendered you immobile with his vicious love, but once his brain wraps around the fact that you're actually in pain, he'll feel pretty bad. Maybe not as bad as he should, which he tries to hide, but it's pretty obvious given his little grin he has plastered on his face all day. But he’ll be sure to take good care of you, grabbing snacks and refreshments before curling up next to you with a couple of comic books, really just taking full advantage of the day off. From now on, when the two of you do have sex, he will try to prevent this from happening again by having you be in control for the most part, at least until he learns your body and its limits a bit better. He still might not completely ease up, but he’ll at least make it seem like he’s not as proud of what he’d done as he actually happens to be. And just a heads up, he may just bring up the fact that he was the one who “loved you so hard that you couldn’t walk” at every given opportunity, so just be aware of that.

Nick: 

     The poor old detective would feel dreadful, this was part of the reason he'd been hesitant to engage in physical acts of intimacy with you in the first place. Even if you assured him it was nothing more than some temporary soreness, he'd have trouble rationalizing being with you intimately for a little while. He would also take an easy day himself so he could keep an eye on you and get you whatever you might need. When you did manage to convince him that you would be okay to have sex again, he would be overly tender and gentle, just to make sure that you know how much your well-being means to him, and to assure you that he would never repeat the actions that had ended up hurting you ever again. As far as he was concerned, he wanted you to wake up feeling good after being with him, to feel satisfied and giddy and maybe just a little tired, but certainly not in pain. 

Preston: 

     Oh lordy, good luck trying to get him to touch you again after he finds out that he hurt you. Initially, his brain would send a little spark of pride to the forefront of his mind when you first told him, but his conscious self would instantly shut it down, disgusted by the fact that it was present at all. He would insist you take the whole day off and would try to keep up on his work while also looking after you in every way possible. You'll really have to work to get him to be with you intimately again anytime soon, as he'll be quite worried about you, and once you do manage to convince him, he'll be extraordinarily gentle and slow. He's very sweet, but you'll have to be patient with him as he pauses with every heavy breath you release, or gasp you take, or moan you utter. Even good noises are scary for him, but don't worry, he'll get back to his usual pace eventually, and now be extra aware of your every reaction to him; which, as it turns out, can be quite handy. 

X6-88: 

     The courser will be conflicted. On the one hand, you were aware that X6’s lovemaking is rough, you've known that from the start, so the two of you wouldn’t be unused to scenarios like this occurring. However, for it to have escalated to physically impairing you enough to prevent you from walking… that made him feel an ache of regret in his chest. Luckily, X6 doesn't miss a thing, and likely will recall which aspects of the night had led to this specific outcome, and he would try to eliminate those factors from future interactions. As for now, he will ensure that you are safe, and as comfortable as possible; he will guard you as you take the day to rest, and will fetch you anything that you require. Normally, when you were hurt, he would recommend paying a visit to the Institute medical facility, but in this case… he would rather try and help you himself if it comes to it. You’re not entirely sure if it’s because he’s embarrassed, or just possessive over certain areas of your body now, but you’d say his crimson cheeks were a bit of a giveaway.  

Fallout 3 --

Butch: 

     On the outside, he would be the prime example of the sympathetic boyfriend. He would apologize and spend the day cuddling with you, playing with your hair, eating snack cakes and drinking nuka cola. On the inside, however, he would feel a certain sense of fulfillment, and would have to consciously hold back the wicked grin that threatened to spill onto his lips at the thought of his lovemaking being wild enough to make it so that you couldn’t walk. He certainly wouldn’t actively try to do it again, but he also wouldn’t necessarily try to prevent it from happening, so just be prepared for anything. But whether or not he’s successful in making you sore again, he’ll fully dedicate himself to caring for you afterwards, ensuring that you’re comfortable and content in his arms at the end of each night. 

Charon:

     The ghoul can’t say he’s surprised, he did warn you that this might happen, after all. His previous sexual experiences have all been initiated by past employers, so most of them have ranged from pretty negative ordeals to downright violent encounters, and though he'll try to leave that in the past, it's tough for him to let go of it completely since it’s really all he knows. That being said, he will still feel bad about hurting you, and will really try to take more care the next time the two of you are intimate. You'll have to work together on communication and focus more on foreplay in the future, but Charon aims to please, and would never purposefully try to hurt you (unless, of course, if you told him you were into it ;). 

Jericho:

     He’ll honestly just grin nice and big when you tell him. Sorry. If you wanted tenderness and sympathy, you should probably look into being with someone else. Jericho would consider this to be an achievement on his part, and assure you that this was a sign that the two of you had really done it right. He might complain a bit about having to stay in for the day, but that doesn't mean he won't still take care of you, in his own sort of way. He'll offer you a drink (or a few), or a cigarette (or a whole pack), and would probably just end up falling back into bed next to you and taking a nice, long nap at your side. He wouldn't really promise to change anything the next time the two of you have sex, but he might try to reassure you that it will get easier with more "practice."

Fallout New Vegas --

Arcade:

     Oh, he would definitely laugh, because it's a joke. Obviously you're joking with him… right? No!? But-- how? He would be confused by this, and too busy thinking through what he possibly could have done to make you physically unable to walk, to actually address the issue. Once he snaps out of it, he'll ask if you're okay and try to keep his snarky and sarcastic quips to a minimum for the day. As much as Arcade loves giving you a hard time in general, this time he'd be too embarrassed to bring it up. In the event that you do mention it, you'd best be prepared for the pink hue that would adorn, not just his cheeks, nor even his face, but his entire body. When the two of you do have sex again, Arcade will be happy to let you take the lead so you can better control the pacing and keep from hurting yourself at all, (which really is just a win-win scenario, considering the fact that he really prefers you being in control anyway.)

Boone:

     His brows would furrow at the news, barely noticeable through his sunglasses, but he would simply set down his rifle and bag and settle back into bed with you. The ex-soldier would curl his arms around you and stay beside you for the remainder of the day, rubbing his arms along your body comfortingly. He’s not big on small talk, but Boone would love to just sit and listen to you ramble all day long. When the evening comes, he’ll be sure to get up and make you both dinner before encouraging you to go to sleep early. Despite his stoic exterior, he's actually quite the tender caretaker. The next time you two are intimate together, he'll consciously focus on being more gentle and controlled with his movements, and certainly won't be shy in making sure you're properly "prepared" for him when he does get a little more rough. 

Raul:

     Aw, the poor old ghoul would feel horrible about hurting you, the ridge above his eyes would crinkle upwards as he flashed you a sympathetic smile. He'd be a little embarrassed about it as well, feeling like it was rude of him to let his self-control slip enough to have ended up hurting you. He'd take care of you for the day, taking the opportunity to tidy up your living space as he chats with you about anything and everything, telling you stories of his life from before the bombs dropped, teaching you some words in Spanish, and telling cheesy jokes to make you laugh. He would give you a bit of time to recover before agreeing to sleeping with you again, and this time he would suggest either you taking the lead, or using a safe word in case his control started slipping again. 

[makeste]

I like Bakuguo but his attitude is starting to really piss me off. He's talking about Daku as if he's just ~crazy~ and as if he isn't partly to blame for Deku's toxic self-worth issues. It's infuriating to watch. If Bakuguo doesn’t admit out loud and in front of his friends that his bullying of Deku played a part in Deku's current destructive state and if he doesn’t verbally apologize and reaffirm Deku's worth then I can no longer like Bakuguo's character or Hori's writing.

tbh I don't really know why this is the discourse of choice for people all of a sudden, but this is already the second ask I've gotten about it, so I might as well address it lol.

I think fandom is conflating fanon!Deku and canon!Deku here again. fanon Deku is of course much more sensitive and woobified and has much shakier self-esteem. fanon Deku is the one that turns evil in so many AUs because of Kacchan's bullying. fanon Deku is the one that actually jumps off the roof in so many fics, as opposed to fishing his notebook back out of the pond a few minutes later grumbling about how Kacchan needs to think before he speaks or else he could land himself in serious shit one day if god forbid anyone actually does take his cruel words to heart.

and just to clarify before I get any further, I am not saying this to excuse Kacchan's actions in any way, because what he did was still completely terrible and unacceptable and WAY over the line, and what's more he knew it, too. the bullying was still shitty and horrible and awful, and definitely impacted Deku and made him miserable. I fully acknowledge that, and that Kacchan has a lot of atoning to do for it. this is not a "Kacchan did nothing wrong" post.

but that being said, I don't think canon Deku's reckless self-sacrificing nature actually has anything to do with the bullying. I think they're two completely separate things. canon Deku actually has pretty decent self-esteem in spite of everything Kacchan did to him. canon Deku doesn't think he is useless. canon Deku had a wholeass fight with Kacchan less than 10 chapters into the series in which he explicitly spelled it out for Kacchan that he had a lot of worth, and was going to prove it to him. canon Deku was persistent in wanting to become a hero and hoping and believing that he could find some way in spite of being quirkless. canon Deku never let go of that dream even when no one else supported it. I don't think he would have even given up on it after being told no by All Might, tbh -- we just never got to see how it would have played out because of everything that happened with the sludge monster shortly afterward. but he's not the type to ever give up on something that easily, and we've seen that. canon Deku never thought he was useless, but rather wanted to prove to everyone else that he wasn't.

the drive that Deku has to save and protect others even at the expense of his own safety is something entirely separate from that. he doesn't break his body for others simply because he has no self-esteem and thinks that his own life isn't important. he does it because he can't stand the thought of someone else getting hurt, and knowing that he could have done something to prevent it. it's as simple as that. like, Spider-Man has the whole "with great power comes great responsibility" thing, right? and he doesn't have low self-esteem; he simply believes that if he has the ability to help someone else, then he has a responsibility to help them. it's a personal creed. and Deku is based on Spider-Man. his philosophy is based on that philosophy, which was one of Horikoshi's core influences and is one of the core creeds in superhero fiction.

Deku is self-destructive not because he doesn't value himself, but because he is literally physically incapable of standing back and doing nothing if he knows that he can do something. he's the type of person who sees a car speeding towards someone and leaps in to push them out of the way. NOT because he wants to get himself fucking pancaked by a speeding car, but simply because he can't sit back and watch the other person get hurt without taking action. his body moves before he can think. and that's where the whole "doesn't take himself into account" thing comes in -- the fact that his thought process simply stops at "get them out of the way of the car", and never extends beyond that to "hey, and maybe I should try to find a way to do this that doesn't involve me getting hit in their place." to him, that's simply less important than the first priority, which is getting the other person out of the way.

and regarding that last part, while that may seem like a self-worth issue if he's prioritizing everyone else above himself, I think what it actually is just selflessness taken to extremes. like for instance, when a parent sacrifices themselves to save their child, them placing the child's life above their own isn't necessarily because they don't see themselves as having value. rather, it's that they love the child so much that they place their well-being even above their own. and that's what Deku is like as well. except that in his case he cares about EVERYONE, and so is willing to sacrifice himself for anyone. and that selflessness is his defining character trait, and simultaneously the most admirable and the most terrifying thing about him. it's both his greatest strength and his greatest weakness, which I think is fascinating to explore.

but anyway, so that's also why we never really see anyone thoroughly chewing him out for this behavior either. because the thing is, it is admirable how selfless he is. it's just that there's also a reason why most people are at least a little bit selfish. and that's because too much selflessness will ultimately and inevitably wind up getting you killed. at some point you either have to learn when to put the oxygen mask on yourself first, or else find yourself a loyal group of friends (or classmates) to watch your back, and make sure that mask gets on you when you need it. and maybe help you land the plane too while they're at it.

anyway so that was a lot of rambling, but basically it all boils down to three things:

when Deku berates himself for being useless (for instance at the end of the War arc), he's doing it out of frustration for not being able to push the others out of the way of the metaphorical car. that's the kind of uselessness he can't stand. the sitting-back-and-doing-nothing uselessness.

Kacchan's bullying was terrible, and it might have indeed played a part in Deku's choice of the word "useless" as a way of berating himself in these instances, but he is not the one who gave Deku this mindset of taking himself out of the equation. that's something that was already inherent to Deku from day one. (but that said, Kacchan has a lot of things to apologize to Deku for anyway, so if he wants to add this to the list I certainly won't stop him. he gets mad about Deku's suicidal attitude because it worries him, but that doesn't necessarily mean that he doesn't feel responsible for it. people underestimated his feelings of atonement before 284/285, and I think they're still underestimating him now.)

and lastly, one last important note, which is that Deku's current "saving" mindset isn't wrong, just as Kacchan's "winning" mindset was not wrong either. the lesson to be learned here is NOT that being selfless and wanting to save other people is bad. rather, it's the fact that he's trying to do it alone that's got him all fucked up right now. basically when you think about it, selflessness is really just selfishness on someone else's behalf. which means that in order for Deku to be saved, it isn't necessary for him to change his outlook or his selfless attitude, even if it is pretty crazy lol. rather, all he really needs is a good group of friends who are willing to act selfishly on his behalf in return. protecting each other through mutual selflessness lol. teamwork as self-preservation. hence why the U.A. kids are here now.

anyway so yeah, I think that's everything. sorry this got so long and out of control lol. this is just a very specific nuanced thing that's hard for me to express, but which I feel is very important when it comes to Deku's character. Kacchan didn't unleash Depressed Nomad Deku on the world (or at least not in this respect). but that being said, he and the others will hopefully be the ones to nudge him back on the right course again.

[mcgnussen]

what kevin said in his book about himself and his childhood:

this post will be about some of the things kevin has said about his background and his personality. i think it’s very interesting and give some insight into why kevin is the way he is, both on and off track. once again, i won’t be revealing everything in the book since that’s not really cool, but i will highlight some of the things he mentioned.

for his first birthday, he was giving a kart without a motor by his uncle, who was a mechanic and had build all of jan’s karts. when kevin was two, they put a motor in it. the plan was for jan to be able to sit behind kevin and control the pedals, but kevin wanted to drive on his own. then his uncle tied a rope to the back of the kart, so he could slow kevin if he went too fast, but kevin was even faster than that and often ended up dragging his uncle behind him. they dropped the rope and from the age of 2 years old, kevin drove a kart on his own (watch baby kevin drive here: https://youtu.be/OsQ_WjdXhhE)  

kevin is extremely competitive and has been from a very young age. he hates losing, even if it’s just a board game, but he has grown up enough that he can internalise it without getting angry. he reveals in the book that jan is the same, but he still gets mad every time he loses.  

he was taught from the age of 4 by his uncle that “crashing” in karts was not dangerous, they did break exercises where kevin would basically crash and get bruised until he got it right. i personally think this defines kevin to this day. his driving is literally fearless. however, kevin says this same uncle was also very competitive and pushed kevin to the limit every single training session. he would sometimes hit kevin on the helmet if he didn’t think he did well enough, he was also quite verbally abusive. while kevin says that his uncle is a great guy and very sweet off the track, he does say that you should not pressure and punish kids that way. especially now he is a father, he just can’t understand how anyone can do that to children. he believes it’s better to encourage than berate.   

kevin had a difficult childhood. he was very loved by both his parents, but they did not have a lot of money. there were times where him and his mum had so little money that his mother could not afford to buy cheese after kevin ate it all (apparently kevin really likes cheese lmao). when he was very little, he only corresponded with his dad in england through fax since they could not afford the cost of an international phone call. of course, jan did get reasonably well off later, but as kevin only lived with him mum, he did not really get to enjoy that in his day-to-day life. him and his mum, britt, moved around all the time (the list of his home addresses in his childhood is two pages long, many of them in well-known low class areas) and his mother had troubling relationship with a man after jan and her broke up. of course, he doesn’t specify what that means exactly, but it is quite clear from the book that some sort of abuse towards his mother was involved.   

kevin did not really attend school at all. his only focus was karting. he only showed up to one exam - but he actually did pretty well, so he goes around telling everyone that he has a high average lmao. he did a lot of reckless things with his friends, one of which involved a car flipping around without kevin wearing a seatbelt. he only got out of it unscathed because his friend literally held him in place by throwing his arms around the front seat and kevin as the car rolled, which kevin says today was insane. he did a lot of reckless stuff with his friends, but never things that harmed others. he was obsessed with motorsports and he was practically depressed during the winter when there was no racing.   

surprisingly, kevin admits to being pretty shy. certain parts of f1, especially the media obligations, and the whole thing with signing contracts with teams is not easy for him. it does not come naturally to him and he doesn’t see himself as being charismatic. he is confident in his racing abilities, but he is not great at all the other stuff as that is not in his nature.  

kevin believes himself to be an aggressive driver, but not a dirty driver, and he thinks the whole situation with nico really caused him to gain that reputation. he says that afterwards, any drivers that were angry at him in the heat of the moment on their radio made it onto television, so f1 really wanted to push that narrative. generally, he doesn’t understand why some drivers take racing so personally. he sees the track as an arena where they are fighting but sees no reason why they should carry grudges off track. they are athletes, they get paid for doing their job and they all want to win – in kevin’s world, that is it.   

kevin thinks he would probably have done better in f1 if he was a better liar or if he had been from a higher class, since apparently some higher-ups in f1 finds him too “rough”, but he is who he is and he is proud of that. he also reveals in the book that he actually has a lot of respect for authority, but that he cannot pretend to like people he doesn’t like (this relates to his history with renault that i will share soon - and no, it’s not about jolyon palmer!). he believes that you need to treat everyone with the same amount of respect and kindness regardless of their place in the hierarchy. he wants to know the cleaning crew as well as he knows his boss.    

hilarious bonus story: after the confrontation between him and nico hulkenberg, nico refused to speak with him. kevin says they were once the only two people in an elevator going up 30 stories and nico did not say a single word to him, which kevin thought was quite hilarious and he could not help chuckling a little at the time. he says in the book they have not spoken since and he wrote the book in 2021, so it is confirmed that them talking to each other before the bahrain grand prix was literally the first time they have spoken since then. kevin forgave nico almost right away since he doesn’t carry grudges easily, but it was clear nico did not forgive him... until this year apparently!

that was a little bit of a mixed bag, but i hope everyone some insight into how kevin’s brain works and why he is how he is. i love that elevator story with nico hulkenberg, i would have LOVED to be a fly on the wall during that. imagine how awkward the long silence must have been!

EDIT: oh and also it’s very clear in the book that kevin loves children and wants like ten himself lmao, and he loves his daughter, mum and wife very much. we stan a man who cherish and appreciates the women in his life.

[rhysdasiorarchive]

“He had every right to inform me of your behaviour, Seth. How you choose to behave reflects not only on you but on our department as a whole. I’m not having our collective reputation take a hit because you decided to take certain matters into your hands. If you have grievances with Roland, address them with me first. I’m more than happy to act as a mediator as needs be– which, now, appears to be a mandatory requirement.” Surprisingly, he didn’t enjoy lecturing Seth like this. He’d much rather everyone simply try to get along and leave it at that but of course, things couldn’t be that simple. Despite the severity of the situation, Rhys covered his mouth with a hand to hide his own laughter upon hearing of Roland’s own. He had mentioned it and Rhys had berated him for it, but having it retold to him with Seth’s added exasperation was more humourous than it had any right to be. It wasn’t necessarily fair on Seth. It had been a dick move of gargantuan proportions on Roland’s part. At this point, however, Rhys had grown only too familiar with Roland’s general ways and struggled to view them as objectively as he likely should. “I don’t wholly believe you,” Rhys replied after a moment once he’d forced his amusement to the back of his mind, doing his best to adopt a more professional approach to the topic at hand again. “If he does, leave it to me. I don’t take particularly kindly to being messed around with. He won’t need both of us on the warpath.”

Rhys scoffed at Seth’s apology, waving a hand dismissively as if to banish the apology entirely. He certainly wasn’t the one that needed to be issuing such an apology. “I don’t know why you’re apologising. He’s more than old enough to take accountability for his actions – I’d suggest sitting him down and mentioning such a fact if he’s not already aware. Perhaps some early learning flashcards might be of use if he struggles that much with comprehending the most basic notions of understanding right and wrong.” No matter how patient Rhys could be, he’d never been the type to suffer slights or injustices made against him. Even with all the time that had passed since their meeting, Rhys remained less than impressed with the cambion in question and would be more than happy to never cross paths with him again, even if such an occurrence was highly unlikely to ever happen. Despite Seth’s advocating for Shade’s apparent appeal, Rhys refused to acknowledge a word of it, his disagreement evident on his face as he watched the younger witch with his jaw clenched tight. “That says less about Shade’s character and more about yours, you know. I say this with all the care in the world; have you ever considered that, just maybe, you’re a little biased when it comes to him? As an outsider that had the immense displeasure of having to deal with him, I can very confidently say that he’s one of the most insufferable people I’ve ever had to deal with. Using your logic, I’m saying that whilst actively engaging with Roland. For your own sake, you need to surround yourself with better friends, Seth.”

"An amicable workplace relationship," Seth repeated with a snort. Sure. That was one way to label getting dicked down by a superiority figure here in Krovs. He was still going to be concerned about it until the day he died, which hopefully was a long, long way out after some matters were dealt with. He grimaced and clicked his tongue against his teeth –– of course Roland would tattle about his so-called threat. "What a fucking narc," the younger witch grumbled, not ashamed of saying that out loud to Rhys' face. "I did threaten him and he laughed, did he tell you that? It was so ridiculous I knew it wouldn't be taken seriously. It's not like I'm going to actually follow through on it if he ends up hurting you in some way." Or would he? After all, who would know if he cast a little curse in Roland's way that seemed like a completely natural occurrence? Seth could hold a grudge like nobody's business.

He briefly averted his gaze to the floor at Rhys' "I can't believe you sold your soul to a demon" look. Seth's face soon found its way into his hand with an exasperated sigh the more he heard about his mentor's encounter with the one and only Shade Dempsey. "I'm sorry. I had no idea he'd come up here and ask you for help." He knew how Shade could be a massive headache at times with that boundless energy and always wanting to fuck, the latter seeming to have worsened ever since becoming half incubus. Although Seth couldn't resist a momentary smile to himself that Shade even thought about doing that. He scrubbed his hand over his face and looked back up at the older witch. "Shade's harmless," he said. Which was relatively true for Seth outside of the whole selling his own soul to bring Shade back to life after Raiden killed him for stealing one of his belongings. All that for a stupid dragon figurine. Shade was a compulsive liar and possessed a temper and a sharp tongue to go with it. Dude wasn't purposefully manipulative like Roland could be or the rest of the council. "Annoying as hell sometimes but harmless. I've known him for almost ten years, I know what he's like. Huge pain in the ass, absolutely. But he can be so sweet and funny and he cooks some good shit..." Seth stopped there and cleared his throat before he completed melted into the chair. "If I'd thought he were as much of a problem as I think Roland is I wouldn't be calling him my best friend today."

[labarch]

Witch Hats and Prejudice Part II

<-- Part I

Olruggio, my love, my man, I’m sorry your proposal to Qifrey in chapter 40 didn’t go as you hoped, let’s sit down and discuss your workaholism, temper issues and saviour complex, yes? Yes. It’s couple therapy time at last, we’ll have a look at Qifrey and Olruggio’s relationship and at chapter 40 in particular through the following points:

-Panelling in the Orufrey conversation in chapter 40

-Prejudice and power imbalance in Qifrey and Olruggio’s interactions

-Help as a collaboration between equals (spoiler: they haven’t made it to that stage yet)

-What Olruggio wants from Qifrey

 Panelling in the Orufrey conversation in chapter 40

The conversation in chapter 40 is never framed as a happy reunion. If we reuse the analysis of the panels from Coco and Qifrey’s conversation I made in my previous post, we find the same markers of unease between Olruggio and Qifrey. Most of the panels are narrow, and get darker and darker as night falls. Qifrey and Olruggio rarely share a panel, and even when they do, they rarely make direct eye contact: Qifrey looks down, or Olruggio walks away from him, or they are curled in on themselves or standing on a slope at different eye level. For a while Qifrey is up in the air and mostly talking to himself. Oh yeah, and there’s a hat that gets in the way at some point.

It gives the sense that they are having two separate conversations, and that they never truly achieve the connection that we saw between Qifrey and Coco. On top of that, while the conversation is supposed to be about comforting Qifrey and earning his trust, Olruggio never manages to get a smile out of him, except for wobbly, miserable little grimaces. So what’s going through both of their heads, and why are they failing to meet halfway?

The chapter has an outward pull to it. The scene takes place on a slope that leads away from the atelier. The chapter opens with a herd of dragons flying away and into the night. Then Qifrey takes flight to look into the distance, while giving a very contradictory speech about how fulfilling yet dull his life is here, how happy yet trapped in an illusion he feels. He has to hold on to his cape as it flaps in the wind. It brings those dragons back to mind, like they are a metaphor for the side of him that wishes to escape. Qifrey’s migration season is just starting folks, it’s a confusing time for him okay.

In contrast to Qifrey looking ahead into a dark wilderness, Olruggio in this chapter is almost always looking back. He walks away from Qifrey to talk to him over his shoulder, or he looks back towards the atelier. In the only scene where he faces Qifrey full-on, the past is so present on his mind that he de-ages them both. It’s interesting, because it adds a caveat to his pledge of listening to everything Qifrey has to say: he is not so much trying to adapt to Qifrey’s new situation as he is trying to bring them back to the childhood stage of their friendship, when they were always together and kept no secret.

This whole looking ahead / looking back dichotomy brings me back to the mentality of the Great Hall, a society obsessed with keeping itself in an insulated bubble, wrapping itself in good intentions and noble ideals, and ignoring its own inner darkness and complexity. Qifrey, because of his inability to be content and stay in place, threatens that delicate balance. That sends the other witches around him into such a state of panic and outrage that even those who genuinely love him end up lashing out at him with uncharacteristic brutality.

Prejudice and power imbalance in Qifrey and Olruggio’s interactions

I have described in my previous post how vicious and oddly personal Beldaruit got in his attacks against Qifrey in chapter 36, but you can make the same case for Olruggio, especially since the two scenes run in parallel. There is something excessive about the violence with which Olruggio confronts his friend. For one, he is choosing a hell of a time to do it: the girls are safe, there is no urgency to press Qifrey for answers right this instant – except if he is hoping to shock Qifrey into honesty while he’s disoriented. Qifrey has just woken up from a three-day coma; he is half-naked in a place Olruggio knows worsens his nightmares; his scar is exposed; he is half-blind because Olruggio has taken his glasses; Olruggio is literally an angry dark blob looming over him. I’ve often heard it say that Qifrey is manipulative towards Olruggio, but in return Olruggio isn’t above using intimidation tactics against him, consciously or not.

There is also the staggering lack of empathy of the approach: what started this whole thing is that Olruggio learnt about Qifrey’s impending blindness. And his knee-jerk reaction was to attack Qifrey about it. Like, um, my dude, your friend almost died, he is going to go blind and lose his job, you wanna try being sensitive about it? (Note that Qifrey running after the Brimhats didn’t trouble Olruggio that much at first: after his interview with the Knights Moralis he is mainly concerned with “getting his story straight with Qifrey”; it’s only later on, when we see him staring at the glasses he’s just repaired, that he starts voicing his doubts about Qifrey’s intentions). He may be right to suspect that Qifrey is hiding things from him, but there’s a pretty big leap between “you are keeping secrets” and “you are wilfully using your own child as bait”.

This whole suspicious climate, that makes Olruggio jump straight to the ugliest conclusion possible, is once again a feature of the Great Hall mentality. The mind of a person who has been in contact with forbidden magic is forever corrupt, and his actions are forever suspect. Had Qifrey been anyone else, he would probably have been given the benefit of the doubt for losing track of his students while he was, you know, extremely concussed and suffering from blood loss. Interestingly, Olruggio’s concern – whether, when faced with a chance to go after the Brimhats, Qifrey would choose his quest over his students’ safety – is addressed as early as chapter 22: after an instinctive movement to rush into danger, Qifrey pulls himself back and takes measures to keep Coco and Tetia safe, and even plans to call Olruggio and the Knights Moralis as reinforcements to help rescue the others. Then he gets hit in the head by a giant snake golem, and the rest is history.

In general, Beldaruit’s and Olruggio’s accusations that Qifrey is using Coco as bait without caring for her wellbeing just don’t hold up. First, all the attacks by the Brimhats so far have occurred in completely mundane, teaching-related settings with other adults present (at the stationary shop, or during an exam), so pushing blame onto Qifrey clearly comes from prejudice rather than evidence. Second, if Qifrey’s sole aim was to get clues on the Brimhats, he would pressure Coco into taking the Librarian test as early as possible, but we keep seeing the opposite: he encourages her to take breaks and to enjoy her training rather than be laser-focused on her goals. Hilariously, out of the two tests Coco passed so far, Qifrey gave his approval for none, thinking it was too early for her (extra-hilariously, Beldaruit is the one who speed-ran Coco through her second test). I’m just saying, if Olruggio hasn’t noticed any of this and can’t take it in consideration before bringing out the accusations and threats, maybe he’s not doing that good a job as a Watchful Eye.  

Another thing about this climate of suspicion, added to the power imbalance between Qifrey and Olruggio, is that it prevents them from having a healthy fight. Olruggio invokes his duties as Watchful Eye to berate Qifrey whenever he steps out of line, but when Olruggio lets his temper carry him too far and misuses his own power (when he drags Coco out to the Knights Moralis even though she had already been officially accepted as an apprentice in volume 2, or when he accuses Qifrey of using Coco as bait in volume 7 without proof), Qifrey never criticises him for doing so. It’s not that he is shy about speaking up to power – he is more than happy to yell at Beldaruit and Easthies when they mistreat his students. But when it comes to Olruggio, Qifrey is compelled to shoulder as much blame as he can, and seems almost afraid of saying anything negative to him.

It would have been justified for Qifrey to start chapter 40 by getting mad at Olruggio for his earlier accusations: Olruggio had been insensitive, unhelpful and completely out of line. But instead Qifrey pretty much encourages Olruggio to attack him again: from his “I thought you might be mad at me” to frantically denying that Olruggio might have ever done anything wrong. In return, there is something defensive in Olruggio’s delivery during the “I’m angry that I wasn’t someone you could trust” segment: he walks away from Qifrey as he gives the non-apology, and it comes out sandwiched between criticisms of Qifrey for being reckless and a long speech of Olruggio praising himself, and how everything would be alright if only Qifrey behaved himself and relied on him more. It’s an issue that this old distribution of roles is so well-entrenched between them, with Olruggio as the golden student and Qifrey as the eternal problem child.

Qifrey’s exaggerated gentleness and praise towards Olruggio participates in the feeling of wrongness that weighs on chapter 40. The memory erasure scene is framed like a kiss, and Qifrey keeps complimenting him even after sending him into an unnatural sleep. It would come across as condescending and manipulative, except for how fervently Qifrey seems to want to believe that Olruggio is perfect, and that any dysfunction in their relationship has to come from him.

Qifrey, focused as he is on his own dark secrets, is utterly unwilling to see any darkness in Olruggio. It makes sense when you consider that Qifrey has also been absorbing the prejudices of the Great Hall: he thinks very little of himself, and has probably been looking up to Olruggio as a moral compass ever since Olruggio took him under his wing as a child. He must also comfort himself with the thought that, when/if his quest drags him away from the atelier, Olruggio will be a perfect teacher for the girls. Having to come to terms with Olruggio’s flaws must be terrifying to him. But what about Olruggio’s perspective in all this?

Olruggio is an example of how even those who materially benefit from an elitist, close-minded society are damaged by it in some way. He grew up in the Great Hall as a bright-eyed, idealistic genius, and even as an adult he clings to the principles of that society like a mantra: “bring the blessings of magic to the people”. He is successful and respected by his peers, popular with the nobles and well-liked among the commoners. Yet somewhere along the way he became a ragged, workaholic hermit.

I have mentioned in previous posts that I suspect Olruggio of grappling with his own, deep-seated fear of being unwanted and left behind. He betrays that fear in the way he is attacking Qifrey: his concerns about Qifrey’s treatment of Coco aren’t based on evidence, and underneath that veneer he is mostly complaining that Qifrey is neglecting him. “Be straight with me”, “Don’t lie to me”, “You wouldn’t even tell me about it”, “You took her as a student without a word to me first”. There again, Olruggio is being a bit hazy on how far his influence goes as Watchful Eye: from what we know, Watchful Eyes are meant to ensure that students don’t get mistreated, but they don’t get a say in who teaches whom: it’s the disciples who choose their masters. Olruggio grumbling about Qifrey adopting more and more children behind his back is cute when we treat them as a couple. But from the perspective of their professional relationship, Olruggio is claiming the right to veto Qifrey’s students and take them away from him without any evidence of abuse.

The problem is that Olruggio is very bad at expressing his feelings without using his job, and therefore his authority, as a crutch. It’s endearing when he uses it to explain away his gifts to the girls (“I just want them to test a prototype”) or his marks of affection and care (“Drying your hair so you don’t catch a cold is part of my duties as Watchful Eye!”). However, it adds a layer of threat to his arguments with Qifrey, because he is constantly dangling that authority over his head, even when he is urging Qifrey to trust him. In his more agitated moments, it turns into a one-man good-cop / bad-cop performance (“Step out of line and I’ll report you” / “Why won’t you confide in me? I’m your best friend!”). Sure, he is willing to side with Qifrey against the Knights Moralis when he deems it appropriate, but here’s the catch: Olruggio gets to decide where the line in the sand lies, and that line seems to shift depending on how hot his temper is flaring at any given time.

It’s no wonder their conversation lends them in a dead-end when it is so one-sided. Thourghout the manga, and in volume 8 in particular, the author explores the idea that help should be a collaborative effort between equals, that encourages both parties to grow and learn more about themselves. Trying to unilaterally “save” someone is almost guaranteed to miss the mark and come across as condescending; it might even cause further harm.

Help as a collaboration between equals

Therefore, Qifrey and Olruggio can’t really come to any connection unless they make it clear that they are helping each other, not just endlessly acting out their roles as the golden student who knows all the right answers, and the problem child who must be saved from himself.

Aside from the framing, help as an equivalent exchange is the other key difference between chapter 40 and Qifrey and Coco’s dialogue earlier in the volume. In order to counter Coco’s doubts and growing self-hatred, Qifrey reinforces everything he admires about Coco: from her social skills and capacity for teamwork to her practical skills and her straight lines. He reminds her of all the things that she achieved so far. He also strongly hints that her fight is his fight, too, and that they should hold onto hope for each other’s sake. Finally, he makes a (pretty dramatic, unnecessarily literal and definitely unsafe, but still awesome) leap of faith by letting her decide what direction she wants to take next. His support isn’t conditional on Coco making the “right” choice, but freely offered. In return, Coco makes a display of saving Qifrey as well, saying she wants him right by her side while she figures out her path. The rescue itself is symbolic (it would actually have been safer for Qifrey to go back on his own), but Qifrey’s gratitude is genuine, because Coco made him feel valued, irreplaceable, just as Beldaruit and Olruggio were making him doubt his place as a teacher.

By contrast, Olruggio’s speech of friendship contains a grand total of ONE compliment, served in such a back-handed way that it sounds almost like a warning: “To Coco, you are a good teacher, so don’t betray that trust”. This is weighted against a slurry of criticisms about Qifrey’s recklessness, and heaps of self-praise. Olruggio is making a case for why Qifrey needs help and why Olruggio is best-qualified to deliver that help, like he is making a sales pitch to a client. It’s probably not a coincidence that Olruggio is remembering his successful bout of diplomacy in chapter 39 as he gears himself for his conversation with Qifrey. Olruggio, look, I get that you have more faith in your professional persona than in your regular self, but you can’t talk to your best friend like you are doing customer service, it just doesn’t work that way.

The help that Olruggio offers leaves no room for Qifrey’s input: once Qifrey has confided everything and laid himself bare, Olruggio will pick apart “where he needs the help” and “when he is about to do something stupid”, and either support or stop him as he judges appropriate. It reinforces Qifrey’s inferiority complex and interiorised guilt, by implying that his moral compass can’t be trusted. It also places the blame for Qifrey’s rash actions solely on his lack of judgement, rather than on having to grapple with complex, life-threatening situations and being caught in a pincer between a terrorist group and an oppressive system. There’s no mention that the definition of what’s “lawful” and “responsible” and “just” has gotten a bit messed up lately, and that Olruggio himself has had to compromise with his duties to cover for the kids. Olruggio fakes confidence in his capacity to fix everything, and pretends that things can go back to the way they were, but it would have been more honest of him to ask Qifrey to work with him so they can form a united front to face their new, complex reality.

Instead, by claiming that he is helping Qifrey out of a sense of duty, as Watchful Eye and as a friend, Olruggio reinforces the feeling that Qifrey is a burden to him. This gives Qifrey more incentive to keep his friend away from his investigations, and to see himself as expendable. In that light, since their friendship brings Olruggio so much trouble and so few benefits, betraying him and stealing the memories that relate to Qifrey’s secrets start to look like the lesser evil.

The only way that the conversation in chapter 40 could have gone well is if they both freely admitted to needing each other. However, it is too early in Olruggio’s character arc to be honest about his own feelings and worries. And it is too early in Qifrey’s character arc to see past his own self-loathing and recognize that his “perfect” friend also needs support and guidance. Yet, when they do, it is hinted that Olruggio can draw inspiration from Qifrey, and help Qifrey in a more meaningful way by highlighting how Qifrey matters to him, letting them reach this stage of true collaboration.

What Olruggio wants from Qifrey

I think Olruggio is repressing a sense of disillusionment about his work, the fairness of the system, and his usefulness as a witch. We see glimpses of his anxiety in chapter 39 notably. While he says that his true role is to help the commoners, circumstances keep reminding him that like it or not, his main function is decorative. He gets dragged in on short notice to be yanked around by petty nobles and arrange light shows at weddings; he has to act in secret to help the destitute, and even then can only do so much before the rules of magic society get in his way. So far he manages to keep his head above water, using his talent for diplomacy and showmanship to keep the nobles appeased, and finding small, creative ways to help commoners without breaking any law. But it leaves him with the feeling of being trapped in an increasingly constraining role, and is slowly pushing him towards a burn out.

He seems to feel a kinship with princess Mia, who like him is used as a tool in petty squabbles between nobles. He even metaphorically puts himself in her shoes: after likening her situation to being trapped in the spotlight in a dance she doesn’t want, he applies the same metaphor to himself and his inability to act outside the narrow constraints of witch rules, of being constantly watched and judged. And then, adorably enough, Olruggio actually brings Qifrey into the metaphor. He muses that Qifrey, who has gone against established rules before, might be the key to escaping that dance.

For all that the “problem child” / “star student” dichotomy has been weighing on Olruggio and Qifrey and warping their friendship, there is a flip side to it as well. As a prodigy who always pressures himself to perform perfectly (to the point where he will work himself to a zombie-like state and then hide behind a mask to look perfect and pristine in front of his clients at parties, Olruggio no), Qifrey provides a chance at escapism. For all that he berates him for causing trouble, Olruggio seems to fondly remember their old adventures. It’s possible that he valued the opportunity to do rebellious, forbidden things without having to jeopardise his reputation. His fear of being left behind by Qifrey is then also a fear of losing his hope that, when the pressure of being the perfect witch becomes too much to bear, Qifrey will be there to break him free.

In summary, Olruggio wants Qifrey to be his rebellious prince who breaks him free from the ballroom, and we respect him for it. Qifrey had his reasons for not being able to confide in him, and they both have a lot of character development to do before they can reach a stage of actual collaboration and trust. But I don’t dispute that taking his memories was a dick move. Thank you for coming to my ted talk.  

[unnecessarywriting]

Our Reality - Leorio x reader

Hey guys, so this was meant to be a request, but I can't read apparently and I completely misread the request and wrote the wrong thing. However, I spent time on it so it's going on the blog. Now I'm currently extremely busy so the actual request should hopefully be up soon, but just know that I am working as hard and as fast as I can. Anyway, I hope you enjoy!

If there was one thing you learned throughout your life, it was that luck was not a factor in why people lived the way they did. No one with the whole world at their fingertips was more lucky than those who had nothing but the ground they slept on. If you weren’t trying to remain hopeful for a future brighter than your current reality, you may have acknowledged the strength that manipulation had on the outcomes in one’s life. You were simply living your life at the expense of someone else’s successful manipulative strategies.

When your mother passed, you knew it was only a matter of time before your father moved on. You had only hoped that your father would be able to be with someone who’s kindness mirrored your mother. Oh, how wrong you were. Your father never once berated you for not being happy with the woman who sits before you now, yelling at you for something that didn’t even concern you. In fact, before he passed, he was considering leaving her for good, so that you could begin to truly prosper.

Of course, the woman before you would never have let that happen. While there was no way to prove it was foul play, your father died soon after, leaving you alone in the care of your step-mother and her two children. The three of them together took over the house in no time at all, and allowed you to stay with them. Of course, they only allowed you to stay with them at the cost of doing the manual labor in the house for free. Cooking, cleaning, and any maintenance that was needed had to be performed by you and you alone. 

You found peace in your solitude. Once your daily duties were over, you had time to be yourself and relax. Occasionally you would center yourself and feel the energy seer your skin. It was a euphoric feeling, and it allowed you to feel a power you believed that you would never be able to experience while under the roof of this household. It was in those brief moments that you were able to experience something magical.

One day, you spent your time carrying out your morning duties. It was while you were serving breakfast that the mail arrived. 

“Well go on and get it then. We have things to do.” Your stepmother nudged you in the direction of the door, coffee spilling onto your sleeve. Begrudgingly, you sauntered your way over to where the mail was spilling onto the floor. Flipping through the magazines and bills, you find none other than a letter. To the Y/L/N family. 

Well this seems like the perfect opportunity for you to finally get out of the house. This was finally a letter addressed to not just the step-family. Your name was included by default. You took it upon yourself to open up the letter and look through the contents. An invitation for any of the single people who lived in this household who would be willing to enjoy a night at the palace in an attempt to introduce the prince to possible spouses. You couldn’t be more excited. Not because you wanted to meet the prince, or wanted to have a chance at becoming the spouse to the prince, but because you wanted to go out and have a night of your dreams.

“What in God’s name are you doing with that?” It was the sound of the screeching that emerged from the mouth of your step-sibling. 

“It’s a letter addressed to the people of this household.”

“Exactly. You’re not really a part of this household. Let me have it.”

“No, it wasn’t addressed to you.” Before you knew it,, you were pushed aside and the letter was being read by your annoying step-siblings.

“Oh, so you think that you have any chance at going to something like this? Mother, come here and remind this fool of their place in the house.” The annoying woman stepped forward to look at you and glance through the letter.

“Well, isn’t this just an amazing offer for you two. You will for sure charm the prince tonight. As for you,” her eyes stared right into yours, “are nothing to us. You just clean up after us. You’re not even human to us. Remember that. You will die as our servant, and maybe if you’re lucky, one of my two incredible children will hire you to work under them and the prince. Know this, you will not be going to this gala. You will never mean anything to any of us.” 

With that you left. You didn’t care if you would be punished for it afterwards. You just couldn’t be in the house with those insufferable, terrible excuses for people. 

You had wandered off towards the end of your property. Tears were threatening to spill past your eyes as you stumbled without care. What left was there to do in your pitiful life? What was the reasoning for this pain? How come you couldn’t even stand to have a single night of enjoyment? Eventually, you found yourself at the small fountain that you used to play around. It was one of the last memories you have of when your family was complete. You ran around, nothing but smiles as your father joined you. Your mother sat there watching and laughing at your antics. It was beautiful, but ever since the other woman took over your home, you find your memories tainted in bitterness.

Eventually, you allowed yourself to explode with emotion. You wept to the sound of droplets that emitted from the fountain.

“Hello little cutie. What are you doing out here all on your own?” You peered your head up towards where the man’s voice was coming from. You were ready to rip him a new one, but you were taken aback when he wasn’t even looking in your direction. 

“Uhhhh who are you talking to?” His head whipped around in your direction, a clear surprise written on his face. In his arms you could see a small bunny cuddled up to his chest. Oh, so he’s a softie. 

“You don’t know what you saw. This guy just jumped into my arms. Hey little guy. You should leave. What are you even doing in my arms?” You shook your head at his antics.

“Knuckle!!!” A young woman’s voice shouted from a distance. Footsteps continued to approach. “Oh there you are. C’mon now. We have things to be doing.”

You observed the young girl as she took you in. Tears were still staining your face, however it now painted an expression of confusion. 

“And who might you be?” After replying with your name, she questioned you on your current state. Your answer seemed to draw both the man named Knuckle and the young woman in.

“Well, that’s a simple enough issue, now isn’t it? So let’s get you all cleaned up and ready for tonight. I’m Bisky and I guess this makes me your, uhh-”

“Their savior of course!” The man Knuckle chimed in.

“I wouldn’t necessarily say that, but regardless, I am going to make all your dreams come true tonight.”

“With what? Magic?” You eyed the woman suspiciously.

“Not quite magic, but something called nen, but forget that I ever told you that. We’re just gonna go with magic. Now, allow me to introduce you to my magical esthetician. She can fix everything just like that!” 

Before you knew it, the world around you was changing. Both Bisky and Knuckle began enacting their nen to change you into the image of perfection. It was everything you had ever dreamed of and more.

“One more thing to finish the look off! We need something to make it all come together.” And then Bisky slipped on some surprisingly comfortable glass shoes onto your feet. They brought the whole outfit together, but also offered a hit of something special “Perfect. Just what you needed.” Bisky sure did seem proud of herself.

“Oh, and just so you know, that little friend that is floating by your head is a personal clock. It will stay with you until midnight to remind you that your time with the nen is ending.” Ok so there were restrictions to this magic, but it wasn’t all bad. You still had plenty of time to enjoy yourself before the time would be up. And that is exactly what you were planning to do as you set off to the occasion.

The gala was gorgeous. There wasn’t a person who wasn’t dressed for the occasion. Of course with the prospect that the prince was going to find his potential spouse was more than enough reason for people to look their best. You stood outside the doors, waiting to enter. It all felt too unreal, but you couldn't help but think that if it was all a dream, you were going to make the most of it. Step by step into the ballroom, and your jaw continued to drop with each look throughout the room. 

As the night began, you lost yourself in the treats spread throughout the room, and engaged in some light dancing when you felt that the timing was right. After some light laughs and delicious food, you decided a moment outside couldn’t hurt. As you made your way to the balcony, there was a man leaning over the edge, drink in hand.

“A wonderful gala wouldn’t you say?” You said as you approached. You wouldn’t want the man to become startled by your presence.

“I guess you could say that. It can all be a little exhausting.” You laughed at his comment.

“Well I’m sure it is much more exhausting for the prince. I mean imagine having to meet all of these people that want nothing more than to marry you. I feel for him truthfully. I am however grateful that I get to experience this luxury tonight.” The man said nothing but looked over to meet your eyes. “Should we toast to the prince’s despair so that we can enjoy this night?” You couldn’t help but catch a glimpse of confusion flash on the man’s face, but it soon was replaced with a small smile. 

“Of course. To the prince’s despair for our sake.” He declared while clinking his glass with the one you held. 

“So, what exactly brings you here tonight stranger?” More than anything, you just wanted to converse with the man beside you. He was more attractive than you were willing to admit, but he also seemed like he needed a pick-me-up, and you were not about to pass up conversation with someone other than the people you lived with.

“Oh I work in the political aspect of all of what is going on here tonight.”

“So, in other words, you’re close to the prince and had to show up.”

“Yeah I would say that hits the nail on the head.”

“Well, it can’t be all bad if you get to attend parties like this one.”

“You may have a point, but it’s not what I really want for myself.” You stared at him in silence. His face was painted in sorrow. Like his life was incomplete.

“Why are you looking at me like that?”

“Oh, well I figured you would keep going. If you had the chance to be someone else for one night, who would you be?”

“A doctor. More than anything, I want to help people. I just want to do good for people around me, and I wouldn’t even charge them. People don’t deserve that. I just want to give the best to people.” You could see his eyes shine as he spoke about his hopes and aspirations. “What about you? If you had one day to be someone different from your everyday self, who would you become?”

“Well,” your eyes left his as you looked out at the moon that shines above your head, “I think I’m already living that dream tonight. Tomorrow, I’ll go back to my life and will remember this night for what it is.”

“And what is this night exactly?”

“A dream.”

In the distance, you could hear a voice telling you how much time you had left on the nen that was placed on you. It was time to end your dream and return to your reality.

“Oh dear. Well, it truly has been such a pleasure talking to you sir, but I have to be going now. It’s time for me to wake up from this dream.” 

You spun around and began speed walking towards the entrance to get home before disaster fell on you. You couldn’t help but hear the footsteps approaching from behind you and the alerted calls for you to wait for your companion. Unfortunately, you were unable to stop as your time was about to expire. While barely keeping yourself from falling down the stairs, your foot got caught and your shoe popped off. Damn Bisky and her need for something to stand out. You realized that there was not nearly enough time for you to stop and pick it up, so you kept on running until you were safely away from the people. 

What you couldn't see was that people were beginning to gather around the prince as he picked up the shoe and stared at it. He had become entranced in your personality and connection. He felt safe in your company, something he had never felt before. If he were to spend the rest of his day with someone by his side, he wouldn’t be objected to it being someone like you, if not you yourself. He at least wants to spend more time with you, and that was more than enough motivation to name you as his prospective spouse. If only he knew your name, where you were, and how to convince you to agree. Not to mention, he was the only one who knew who you were. This was going to be an impossible task, but he was determined to find you, no matter the method or the cost. 

Days passed, and you remained in your misery. The only thing that changed was the constant talk about the gala. You had pretended to have been waiting for the others to come home and take care of their things. In reality, you were recovering from your night. All you wanted was 10 more minutes with the man on the balcony. He was something different from the others in the room. You couldn't help but imagine what more time would look like with him. Maybe he could find a way to help you escape from your hell.

As news broke that the prince had chosen his potential spouse, you sat in your home with hope. Hope that you would see the man with the glasses and a kind dream. The others in your home conversed about the prospect that they could be the one with the prince, especially as he announced that he would be traveling house to house to find the person who he wanted to spend his life with. 

“Apparently the prince will be in this area by tomorrow. He said to have all of the people in the house ready to greet him. Especially those who attended the gala. Oh I can’t wait for you two.” Your step-mother was insufferable as she insisted that your step-siblings were meant to be with the prince. If he had an ounce of a brain-cell, he probably realized that they were going to use him for his status. But then again that is what every person was there for that night, right? You almost felt bad for the guy, but then again, that is what happens when you’re in power. 

“I will do literally anything to make him my husband. But what about the test that he has in place for this person? I read somewhere that he has something that this person lost, and is trying to find that other match.” Your ears perked up at this point. Did someone else lose something? You were without one of your shoes, but that must be just some coincidence.

“Apparently, the prince’s advisor thinks it would be a good idea to make sure that the person isn’t disguising themselves to the prince to take advantage of him. I’m sure we’ll be able to make him see that we’re obviously the right choice for him.”

“Without a doubt. So what? Shoes are easy for anyone to fit into.” A SHOE? There’s no way.

The prince could not possibly be the man you conversed with out on the balcony. He said he was just another politician. But the prince is a politician? How could you be so stupid? Talking like that to someone with such power, and not to mention how you cheered to his own despair. But wait. He wants to meet you. To see you again. He’s out there searching for you right now. There’s still hope.

Following news about the possibility that the prince was the man you had been dreaming about, there was a dull excitement flowing through your veins. You made your way back to your room briefly to hold onto the other shoe that remained hidden in the floor. It was something that you would use to remember that the night was something you actually were able to experience for yourself. 

You stayed in your room for most of the day, and allowed for the excitement to bubble up at the prospect of seeing that man again. It was the ringing of the doorbell that drew your attention. It was finally happening. You were almost scared that it was going to go wrong so you stood by the door, listening.

“Listen Kurapika, I’m sure that no one in this house is who I was with. It’s not like I don’t remember what they look like.”

“No, I’m sure it has to be one of my children. Try the shoe. If it fits, then we know it has to be one of them. I’m sure of it.”

“C’mon Leorio, let’s just indulge them.” You couldn’t help but laugh at the desperate tones of your step-mother. You took that as an opportunity to leave your room and creep down the staircase to where all of the commotion was taking place.

“Uhm, excuse me,” with your voice, several heads turned in your direction. 

“So, we meet again I see,” Leorio, the prince, said. The other man next to him seemed slightly relieved at the notion that Leorio had finally found you.

“If you would be so kind, I would really appreciate it if you could put on this shoe to prove to my advisor here that you are who you say you are.” You smiled kindly at the man who was being pointed towards.

“Most certainly. Actually, I can do one better than that.” You pulled out the opposing shoe and slipped it onto your foot. Then you took the shoe from the man and slipped that on as well. 

“Looks like we finally found the one we’ve been looking for.” The advisor spoke aloud.

“So, stranger, what do you say to coming to live with me for a while. I’ve been waiting for an opportunity to talk with you more.” You smiled at his words.

“I would be delighted to come with you. It would be nice to live the dream for a little while longer.”

“Rest assured, this is no longer just a dream. This is our reality.”

Once again thank you for reading. Please reblog and tell me what you think. Feel free to request just know that it will take me a little while to get them out cuz I am failing to use any time management skills.

[whimsicallyreading]

An angsty one-shot for your day. I stayed up way too late to write this.

CW- drinking

Aelin keeps the letters stacked neatly on her desk.

Each letter is stamped, addressed, and ready to mail. In tiny marks on the back, she writes the date every individual one was written. The envelopes are his favorite shade of green. A deep, pine color that she’d painstakingly scoured every stationary shop to find.

Delicately, Aelin seals the latest envelope and adds it to the growing pile.

My Love,

It’s almost winter here in Orynth. I know it’s your favorite season and you are probably sad to miss out, so I took a Polaroid of the clouds coming in over the staghorns for you.

Do you remember how we’d sit in front of Mistward every year and watch the first snow storm come in over the peeks? We would drink hot chocolate and talk for hours. About our families, our futures, anything and everything. It’s still one of my favorite traditions.

In fact, it’s where I am right now. Writing this letter to you. Just because you are overseas doesn’t mean you get to bail out. I bought two hot chocolates, but I suppose I’ll have to drink yours for you. What a shame.

Writing to Rowan was her weekly tradition since he got deployed. No matter how busy life got, every Friday she wrote him two full pages front to back. Whether she got to sit at her desk or had to scribble against the rusty bench at the bus stop, every inch was covered in her hand writing.

That was her personal rule. They had to be handwritten. Aelin felt it meant more that every piece of the letter was entirely from her. So she keeps a collection of colored pens handy for whenever the urge to speak to her husband grows to be too much.

At the bottom of the last page, next to her signature, Aelin always kisses the paper with red lipstick. Maybe it’s cheesy, but it’s the same shade she wore at their wedding.

You could see the ghosts of the color along his jawline in their favorite photos together. His beaming smile, the smudges of red on his face and the collar of his white dress shirt. A remnant from the happiest day of her life she thought would bring him comfort.

My love,

Winter is here! It’s so cold outside. You would say it’s this frigid every year, but it just feels different this time. Maybe it’s because you aren’t hear to snuggle up with and your side of the bed is empty? You were always so warm.

I keep your slippers by the couch. They are ridiculously huge on my feet, but I swear they still feel like you just walked in them. Your warmth is still there.

You would laugh if you saw me hobbling around the apartment in them. My toes slide all over the place. Truthfully, your feet are atrociously large, dear- Still they remind me of you, so I love them.

Aelin gets home late from work that night.

Humiliated tears sting her cheeks, even as she rubs them away. The feeling of that creep, Cairn’s, hands lingering on her ass.

She was used to fending off handsy patrons. What bothered Aelin is that when she complained to her boss, Erawan, he publicly berated her for instigating the customers.

None of the other waitresses would meet her eye when she looked for back up. Grave, the bartender, sniggered through the entire dressing down. Aelin could still feel their eyes on her skin as Erawan accused her of being provocative.

Rowan would have demanded she quit the job. He would have marched down to the bar and broken Cairn’s face. Possibly even held him back so Aelin could do it herself.

Aelin needs the money, though. Rowan’s accounts were frozen due to some stupid technicality at the bank. Without her paycheck, she would lose the apartment.

Sniffling, Aelin slides her feet into Rowan’s slippers and plops at her desk. It isn’t Friday yet, but she’s desperate to speak to him.

As her hand flows across the paper, Aelin knows she won’t describe the days events to him. He’s under enough stress without her work drama adding to his worries.

My love,

Yulemas is next week. Aedion is in Caraverre with Lysandra and our new nephew. Lorcan and Elide are going up from Perranth to stay with them, but the roads are so frozen in Orynth I may just stay here this year.

Besides, work is busy right now. They need someone to man the place for the people with nowhere to go for the holidays.

Maybe I’ll host a little celebration at the bar. Like we did that one year when we got stuck in the Hostel in Rifthold. We made the best of a bad situation, and it was the first time you told me you loved me. I think I’d like to relive a little of that this year.

I miss you. Please come home.

Aelin lays in her bed the night before Yulemas and sobs.

Ugly, guttural noises spill from her chest and she soaks their pillows with tears. The newest envelope is clutched against her chest, and the building stacks mock her from their spot across the room.

Her heart is so raw. Aelin knew it was a bad idea to count the letters, but there was so many. Curiosity got the better of her, and now she was bleeding for her mistake.

Fifty-six.

A full year of letters she hadn’t been able to send.

Rowan had only ever written her twenty before he was declared missing in action.

A year ago, she’d been hanging bobbles and decorating a tree knowing her husband only had a few weeks left of his tour.

Aelin had painted a welcome home banner, and her whole family made plans to come and spend the holiday with the soon-to-be-reunited couple.

She had his slippers waiting by the door. Rowan’s favorite blanket was laundered and folded on his side of the bed in case he wanted to lay down. Aelin had it on good authority that the bed would be one of the first places they visited when he arrived. Emerys had even given her a mixture of their favorite hot chocolate to make.

Everything was perfectly in place for his return.

That’s what when the soldiers arrived at her door and her world fell apart.

Lorcan came home a week later. He hugged Elide and she cried into his shoulder. Happy tears. So unlike the ones Aelin had been shedding. Her friend beamed ear-to-ear, as the love of her life gathered her into his arms and squeezed.

It was a touching sight, but Aelin could feel the hot knife being twisted in her chest. Elide’s happiness caused her physical pain, and it made her feel so selfish. She didn’t begrudge Lorcan his life, or Elide her joy- Aelin just missed her own husband.

Elide and Lorcan spent Yulemas together. Kissing and holding hands. Lysandra finally announced her pregnancy. Aedion’s expression when he opened the box with the baby onesie inside was priceless. Her cousin whooped and hollered, almost dancing with the prospect of becoming a father.

Aelin smiled. She gave her congratulations and celebrated with her family. They hugged, and laughed. Aedion took care to include her in everything, and she played her part even as she tried to ignore the concerned looks her family exchanged behind her back.

Aelin made it to lunch before she couldn’t take it anymore.

Fenrys was the one to find her having a panic attack on the bathroom floor. She hadn’t even known it was a panic attack. Aelin just assumed the pain of losing her soulmate was finally killing her. The tightening of her chest and the body aches felt enough like a heart attack to be convincing.

He gathered Aelin in his arms and counted breaths with her. His twin brother Connal was lost in the same fight where Rowan had gone down. Fen had seen the whole thing from the cockpit of his plain, and nothing he did could’ve saved them.

He shared his pain, and for the first time Aelin felt like someone understood her.

Fenrys let her lean on him as they excused themselves from the celebrations. They drove to some bar in Caraverre and spent the rest of the day wallowing over whiskey.

Aedion came to collect their drunken asses later that evening. Worry etched into every line of his kind face. It only made her feel ashamed that she’d rained all over their happy day.

He was going to be a father, and she’d forced him to spend his time fretting over her instead of reveling in that news.

Now here she was a year later. Aelin wasn’t going to subject herself to that again. Couldn’t. She wouldn’t force her grief upon anyone else this year, either. Just because she was hurting didn’t mean that everyone else had to suffer with her.

So, as Yulemas Eve came, and before she could finally distract herself with work, Aelin pulled Rowan’s blanket over herself. She’d spritzed it with his cologne, donned his shirt, and pulled his socks over her feet. Aelin did everything she could to feel surrounded by him.

Then, alone in their bed, she watched as the clock ticked down to midnight.

Rowan,

Wherever you are, I hope my words reach you and that you know you aren’t alone. I wish with every ounce of my being that I could trade places with you- would give anything, just to know where you are.

It breaks my heart, to be without you. Every breath seems pointless. I lied in my last letter. The roads aren’t frozen. I’m not needed at work. No one really needs me to be around them. I just couldn’t spend another holiday surrounded by happy people when the other half of my heart is gone from me.

When you come home, I will feel like celebrating again. I’ll wrap my arms around you, and we can make up for lost time. Just please, don’t make me wait too much longer.

Merry Yulemas, my love. We will be together again one day.

Until then, I’ll keep on writing, only so long as you don’t yield.

Sincerely, your loving wife

Aelin

[iamanartichoke]

I wasn't sure if I was going to post this, but I may as well.

I keep starting to reply to things and then stopping bc the words just aren't there, and I suppose I figured out the core of what bothers me so much (and is making me have such a rollercoaster of a fan experience) about the show.

(cut for length)

It's not well-written. My opinion is my opinion, so I'm saying this subjectively, take it or leave it, but ... I feel that it's not well-written. The overall story is fine, and the plot is fine, but I don't know if it's because of the limited number of episodes not being enough to house the story, or because of the relative inexperience of the writer/showrunner+director, or both, or something else, but -

In an earlier reaction post to episode 4, I mentioned really wanting to sink my teeth into all of the subtext I picked up on. That was what made me initially enjoy the episode so much - there were a lot of little moments that I initially felt revealed so much about the characters and about Loki, and I wanted to analyze them. But at some point, as I gathered more information, my perspective changed and now I no longer want to analyze the subtext bc ... subtext = good. Subtext w/out payoff = not as good.

I'll go into more detail in a moment, but I think the tl;dr of it is that I feel like the narrative requires the audience to work way too hard to put together all of the moving pieces here and, like, I kinda just don't want to do that work? Not so much of it, and not in vain. A lot of the enjoyment of Loki's characterization is coming from fans who are rationalizing why he's behaving as he is, but the narrative never actually confirms those rationalizations. It's asking us to figure it out and maybe our conclusions will be correct but maybe they won't, though. At some point, subtext isn't enough without explicit follow-through.

I thought my issue was with the lack of character development - that is, not having enough narrative space to really earn the big things that are happening now, like Loki/Sylvie or Mobius turning against the TVA. And that's still true, to an extent; I still feel like the pacing is all very off and it seems like most of these things kinda came out of nowhere (but are not unbelievable - just undeveloped).

But, yknow, it is what it is, it's a limited series, and I can excuse some things. Ultimately, my issue isn't a problem with what the narrative isn't doing, it's a problem with what the narrative already failed to do and probably cannot recover from at this point.

The narrative has left out significant details that should at least help us do some of the work here. If a person turned on Loki and started episode 1 and had no background knowledge of the character besides that he tried to take over New York - how would that person interpret Loki? Would that person say, oh, well, he's been through X, Y, and Z, and plus A happened, not to mention B, C, and D, so really, it makes sense that he seems off-the-rails, or that he'd want to get ridiculously drunk at the worst time ever.

Maybe we'd like to believe they would, but how would they be getting to that conclusion? The narrative hasn't led them in that direction so, no, they would not say well we have to consider this, this, and that. It would be impossible to really understand Loki as a character from just what we've gotten in the series. The general audience would probably interpret Loki as being out of his element and so it becomes, I wonder how this character is going to get the upper hand here. And, while that's not wrong, it's just so limited.

The narrative at face value does not address Loki's identity crisis from Thor 2011. It does not address his hurt and devastation at being lied to, nor does it address how complicated his self-image is (bc it sucked to begin with and that was before he found out he was part of a race of "monsters," as he'd been taught his entire life). It does not reference Loki being so broken at the end of Thor 2011 that he deliberately let himself fall into the void of space (aka tried to kill himself). It does not reference that he was tortured by Thanos or even that he went through a seriously dark time in between Thor and Avengers, and it absolutely does not reference or address any influence or control of the mind stone.

These are all things that we, the fan audience, know because we've already invested our time into this character's story. But tons of people, the general audience, wouldn't know these things. Or if they did, bc they saw Thor and Avengers, they wouldn't be thinking about them as deeply as we would, nor contextualizing them with how Loki is behaving now, or why it would make sense that he needed to get drunk, or why it's understandable that he needs to keep going-going-going in order to not have a spare second to think or feel.

They'd probably look at Loki, again, as a character who was a villain and is now getting his comeuppance in a place where he has no power or control, and no literal powers, and even when he manages to escape and catch up to the variant, he proceeds to fuck up their plan for seemingly no real reason except that he wanted to get drunk bc he's hedonistic. Which Sylvie even berates him for! I mean. This is not exactly a complex character breakdown, nor a very flattering one, but that's what the narrative has given us.

(If the narrative has addressed Loki's mind control, his torture, his mental breakdown, his suicide attempt, and his general shitty self-esteem as a result of his upbringing, please point it out to me. If the narrative has explicitly acknowledged and referenced these things anywhere and I am missing it, please show me where. Please explain to me how the casual viewer would know any of these things that they need to know in order to actually understand what's happening in this story.)

So I mean, okay, we have a narrative that doesn't paint a full, accurate picture of Loki. Fine, sure. But because the general audience starts out on the wrong footing, they're not going to get out of the overall story what the writers probably intended them to. For example, in episode 3, a lot of us theorized that Loki had some kind of plan - that he broke the timepad on purpose, for some reason, bc otherwise it wasn't believable that he'd be such a failure. But episode 4 revealed that no, there was no bigger plan, Loki just plain old messed up. Which is fine if, again, one is only considering the surface-level portrayal here, but it's not true to Loki's actual characterization.

I mean. Loki is not perfect and Loki actually fails a lot, this is true. He fails for a lot of reasons, but incompetence has never been one of them. Usually it's that either things grew beyond his control, or there ended up being too many moving parts, or he had to change his plan at the last minute due to some roadblock or another being thrown his way, or even that he got in his own way - whatever the case may be for his plans' failures, he was always at least shown to know what he was doing.

That wasn't the case here. The "plan" to fix the Timepad failed as a direct result of Loki's actions, which were careless and made him seem incompetent, like he couldn't even handle this mission. "You had one job," etc. And there were pretty big consequences for this; they were not able to get off-world in time and would have been killed had the TVA not shown up at the last second.

And maybe none of these things matter bc the writers never intended any of this to be a reflection on Loki's character, positive or negative. The situation exists solely because the writers needed to put Loki and Sylvie together in some kind of hopeless scenario so that they could get closer, and thus the narrative could set up their romance. I get that - but, there were other ways to do it that didn't require Loki to look foolish.

Furthermore, the whole reason they needed to set up the romance is to show Loki eventually learning to love himself (like, figuratively but also literally). The audience is supposed to gather that Loki and Sylvie fell for one another, possibly due to the high emotional aspect of, yknow, being about to die (in addition to the variant-bond). The intent is clear: Loki and Sylvie almost die but get rescued at the last minute, having now created an emotional bond --> Loki and Sylvie team up and the narrative further establishes that Loki, at least, has caught feelings --> Loki might confess them but is pruned before he gets the chance --> he somehow survives, he and Sylvie are reunited and don't want to lose one another again, and the combined power of their love is enough to break the sacred timeline and spawn the multiverse, and the reason that the power of their love is so, well, powerful is because it's about self-love and self-acceptance as much as it is about having the capacity to love someone else. The end.

I get all that. The writers more or less said all that. And, I mean, it's certainly not the way I would have chosen to go about it, but it's a fair enough arc to explore. I don't really have an issue with the intent - but my question, however, is this: if the narrative has so far not addressed Loki's background issues (as outlined above), and has furthermore kinda gone out of its way to portray Loki as hedonistic and narcissistic, among other things (like kinda incompetent), and the context the audience starts with is that Loki's this villain who deserves what he gets -

- my question is 1, why should the audience care whether or not Loki gets to a point of loving and accepting himself (thus to make the theme of self-love, via the romance, hold weight) if they don't know that he hates himself to begin with and 2, why should the audience root for Loki to reach that point when so far the perception of him is that he's "kind of an asshole"? if he's a hedonistic narcissist, he probably already has a pretty inflated sense of himself, right? A misplaced inflated sense of himself, at that, because, again, the narrative has made him out to be not that capable of much of anything. (And it didn't start out that way! It seemed to start out with Loki being capable and intelligent but it's like episode 3, in trying to set up the romance, just jumbled it all up somewhere. I think this is why I'm harping on the Loki/Sylvie aspect so much - it's frustrating bc it kinda messes up the whole story and can't even accomplish what it's supposed to anyway.)

Anyway, that's beside the point. What I'm ultimately getting at is, at what point is the audience supposed to get invested in Loki's personal growth journey?

They can't, not really. Without understanding and having the context of everything Loki has been through up until now, and why he hates himself, and why it's so important that he learn to love himself, then the "payoff" becomes kinda pointless bc the significance of it is lost in translation. So suddenly we're left with this romance that comes off as either "Loki loves Sylvie bc of Reasons" (best-case scenario) or "Loki loves Sylvie bc he's vain, narcissistic, and kinda twisted" (worst-case scenario). Neither of these conclusions are what the writers intended or were going for, I'm positive, but there we are, regardless.

In order for the writers' intent in these storylines to land, they need to address the context of what makes these particular stakes high for Loki. So far, they haven't done that. They're asking the audience to pick up on all of these things, and they're showing things that subtextually make sense and are relatively in-character - but only if you realize there's subtext in the first place.

But you can't expect the audience to do all of the work for you. If you don't want the audience to think that Loki is a narcissistic asshole and instead you are trying to convey that, worst-case scenario, he thinks he's a narcissist but is an unreliable narrator, then you have to address that. If you need the audience to understand why you're going the selfcest route and why it's important to explore Loki's capacity to love himself and others, you have to address where that exploration is starting from and why it matters. Etc etc etc.

The narrative isn't doing any of that. And it isn't like it'd be that hard to do it. They don't need to reinvent the wheel here; a lot of the pieces are already there. A few lines of dialogue for context, a brief scene here or there addressing the issues, a little more care and consistency in how Loki handles things - these are all little things that could go a long fucking way in making the narrative stronger.

I'm rambling. My basic point is that my rollercoaster of emotions with this show is because

- as a part of the fan audience, not the general one, I can contextualize and analyze the subtext and come to the conclusions the show wants me to, and thus find the story and the characters more or less enjoyable,

- but I am also going to be using the subtext to come to conclusions that aren't there but probably should be (I think it would be a better story, for example, for Loki to confuse platonic love with romantic love bc it would pave the way to explore just how fucked up Loki's understanding of love - whether of other people or of himself, and the different forms it can take - actually is)

- and when they're ultimately not there, then I think, okay why am I bothering doing all this work just to ultimately feel very unfulfilled? They don't even have to write it the way I would, I'm not saying that, but they do have to do something to make the story feel rewarding.

If we don't get some confirmation of what Loki's been through, and where his headspace is, and why it matters for him to love himself, then the story remains pretty shallow and, for me, it's not fulfilling enough. It's not engaging enough. There isn't actually anything to sink my teeth into, so it becomes kind of boring. Maybe it's rewarding to other people, and that's great for them, but like - I need more than whatever this is.

So I'm just like - well, I had a lot of worries about this show, but my being bored wasn't one of them and now there's only two episodes left and am I really not going to get anything out of this, in the long run? No new canons, no new depths or layers, no new information on Loki's experiences? This is it?

I don't dislike it. I didn't start out disliking it, and I probably wont end up disliking it. I mean, there are a lot of good moments, and good things, and fan service-y things that I appreciate. As far as inspiration for fic goes, it's a goldmine, both plot-wise as well as aesthetic-wise. All of that is great. I don't dislike this show.

But I am disappointed in it, and I feel like I'll be watching the next two episodes lacking the sense of anticipation that would make it exciting. I'll still enjoy them, probably, if for nothing else just the sheer Loki content, but whatever it was I felt watching episodes 1 and 2 is gone and I'm sad about that, too. Because I really wanted to feel fulfilled by this series; I wanted it to fill up the void that Loki's death in IW created three years ago. And I just ... don't feel it. Maybe, maybe that'll change over the course of episodes 5 and 6. I don't know.

Everything that I end up enjoying long-term, I think, will come about as a result of my own interpretations and analysis and while theoretically there's nothing wrong with that, if I had known all I'd get out of this series was more headcanons or support for my current headcanons then, well - that's fine, I suppose, but I'll definitely a little bit robbed.

[fandom-imagines-stories]

Learning Teamwork

Josh Lyman x Reader

Words: 2184

Summary: Two colleagues that usually butt heads are forced to play nice when the President sends them to attend to a Governor's Ball in his home state.

Notes: I have so much Josh angst I wanted to write something a little fluffier that I could still capture his signature snark in. (For the purposes of this, I made up a Governor that would fit the story so if there was one discussed in the show, they aren’t in this one.) I also wrote this in two days so… bare with me.

-

If you hadn’t been in the presence of the President, you might have thrown something at him.

“If the President addresses this now, the Republicans will stop at nothing to get back at him for it.” He spoke in that smug, know-it-all tone that drove you insane.

“This is about real people, Mr. Lyman, not the little politics games that you play all day.”

“Okay, everyone, I think that’s enough.” The President’s order may have halted your argument, but you could still feel the heat rising to your cheeks as you stared Josh down. The rest of the team made a very quick exit, hoping to avoid becoming casualties in you and Josh’s on-going battle. But when the two of you started for the door, President Bartlet’s voice called you back. “Not. You. Two.”

You grimaced and turned back around, reveling a little in the fact that Josh looked just as uncomfortable as you did. One stern look from Jed Bartlet, however, was enough to diminish that.

“Is it physically impossible for the two of you to let me get through one meeting without going at each other’s throats?” He urged, his irritated gaze switching rapidly between the both of you. “Not only are you both a part of this team, you are adults for Christ sake!”

“Sorry, sir.” You gulped.

“My apologies, Mr. President.”

God, even apologizing, he had to try and sound smarter than you.

“I’m not finished yet.” The President walked around his desk and grabbed an envelope from under a pile of other papers. “The Governor of New Hampshire is hosting a ball on Saturday to celebrate something that I can’t even remember. Frankly, I think it’s because his wife enjoys parties a little too much, but who am I to judge?”

You and Josh exchanged a look that consisted more of confusion than anger.

Bartlet continued, “Well, seeing as I used to be Governor of my home state, he’s been kind enough to invite me, though I also think this is more of a way to get more Democratic backing for his next election. Nevertheless, while I am unable to attend due to this whole mess with possible terrorism, I know just the two members of my senior staff to send in my place.” He looked pointedly at both of you.

The excuses tumbled over each other as you and Josh blurted them out, desperately pleading to find something that would change his mind. You hated political gatherings in general but the idea of being forced to go with Josh? It twisted your stomach into so many knots you thought you’d throw up.

“There’s going to be political fallout from all of this and I should really be around-”

“C.J. and Toby are going to need me to-”

“Y/N could go by herself.” Josh said suddenly, making your jaw drop. That little snake. “I’m sure there are plenty of young men that’ll be thrilled to see you.”

“Says one of the White House’s most eligible bachelors.” You fired back, forgetting who you were standing in front of.

“Enough!” The President slammed the invitation down on the desk in front of the two of you. “This isn’t about who is more desirable than who. This is about you two learning how to work as a team and not biting each other’s heads off every time you’re in the same room together! Now, I am calling Governor Thompson and telling him you’re going and the two of you are going to be the picture of grace and maturity. If I hear one word of anything else, so help me god, your careers will be so buried, it’ll take years before they see the light of day.” His voice echoed through the Oval Office, rattling you down to the bone. “Do I make myself clear?”

“Yes, Mr. President.”

“Yes, Mr. President.”

“Good. Now go do whatever you need to to free up next Saturday.” He sat down, putting on his glasses to look over other documents. “Oh, and find something nice to wear. Mrs. Thompson has always been a bit of a stickler with the dress code.”

With that, you were dismissed and you felt the dread settling in your chest. You were going to a ball. In New Hampshire. With Josh Lyman for a date. As you shouldered out the door together, you cast glowering looks.

“I hate you.”

“I hate you more.”

-

If the snickers from Sam and C.J. weren’t enough to drive you crazy in the week leading up to your flight, scrambling to find a dress was not something you originally had on your schedule. Even when you had found one you liked, there was the matter of rescheduling everything you had the weekend you would be gone.

At least Josh seemed to be having as difficult a time as you were. Any time you saw him in passing, he looked frantic and disheveled- which would usually bring you a small amount of joy, but for some reason, knowing you were in the same boat actually made you feel better about going with him.

“Hey.”

You looked up from the piles of work from your desk, surprised to see your unfortunate date standing in your doorway. It was the day before you were set to leave and you both had mountains of work to try and finish.

“What can I help you with, Josh?”

“I just came to say that this might not be such a bad idea.” He moved from the door to the chair, but he didn’t sit down. He just stood anxiously behind it, leaning on the back. He actually looked sincere- and a voice in the back of your head pointed out that, without his usual cloud of arrogance that always hung around him, he was actually very attractive.

No. Definitely not. You hated him.

“Which part? Going to a ridiculous dance so that Governor Thompson can get more clout with Democrats or the fact that we have to go as a bonding exercise?” Your tone was cold, even more so than usual. Call it overcorrecting for your brain’s traitorous thoughts.

“I think the President is right.” Josh’s posture changed, standing up a little straighter as his tone grew defensive. “If this is what it takes to get us to work together, then I guess we deserve it.”

“Funny, since when he first proposed the idea you suggested that I go alone.” You stood up, crossing your arms.

Josh mimicked your stance, his brow furrowing with anger. “Look, I came in here to make some kind of peace with you, and I don’t understand-”

“I know what you came here to do, Josh. You want to show me that I don’t understand Bartlet the way you do while you play some kind of martyr for going on this trip.” You leaned forward with your hands on your desk and he did the same. Your faces must have only been a few inches apart.

“Fine!”

“Fine!”

You’d never wanted to kiss Josh Lyman more than you did in that moment and couldn’t hate him more for it.

-

Your seats on the plane were right next to each other. Because of course, they were. Josh got the window seat despite your protests, sticking you in the middle between him and a rather obnoxious businessman who was speaking loudly on his phone.

“Sir, I need you to turn that off as we prepare to take off.” The flight attendant instructed.

“Yeah, just give me a second.”

“Now, sir.” Her voice was a semi-irritated monotone that left little room for any argument. The man gave her an annoyed look and ended his call. “Thank you, sir.” She continued down the aisle to berate somebody else. Without the distraction of work, he sought out a new way to pass the time- you.

“What takes you to Concord?” He leaned a little closer to you than you would have preferred, but leaning back would basically put you in Josh’s lap so you stayed put.

“My coworker and I have an event to attend.” You motioned to the seemingly oblivious man on the other side of you.

“Just coworker?” His casual expression turned into a suggestive smirk and you felt his fingers run up your knee. You jerked away from him.

“Husband, actually, so how about you keep your hands to yourself?” Josh snapped suddenly, giving Mr. Handsy a death glare. You stared at Josh with wide eyes and forced your mouth shut to keep it from gaping in shock. The man beside you must have been as surprised as you because words came out as a whispered stutter.

“Sorry, I didn’t- she said- and I thought-”

“Yeah, well you thought wrong.” He stood up. “Here, honey, why don’t you take the window seat?”

You sat there, without moving, for a few seconds before he nudged your leg with his foot and you climbed over him to get to the seat by the window. Once you were both situated, the other man got suddenly very interested in the papers from his briefcase.

You leaned over and whispered in Josh’s ear. “Honey? Really?”

“Don’t start.” Though his voice sounded irritated, there was almost a small smile playing at his lips. You shifted awkwardly, trying to keep a smirk from your own lips.

“You really didn’t have to do that.”

“Do you want the window seat or not?” Now his smile had grown into a snicker, making you laugh lightly.

“Who would have thought you were such a gentleman?”

“Well, I’m a married man now, apparently.” He teased. You rolled your eyes.

“In your dreams, Lyman.”

-

After an hour of shaking hands and dancing with the Governor’s persistent son, you were ready to knock your head against the wall until you passed out. Oddly enough, you had yet to see Josh. Mrs. Thompson invited you to come early for tea so you hadn’t arrived together. You were beginning to think he’d bailed when you saw him across the room.

Pushing your way over to him, his eyes widened when he finally saw you.

“You look amazing.” He gasped, his eyes scanning your silky blue dress before settling on your eyes. “I mean… wow.”

You felt blush tint your cheeks as a smile spread across your lips. He cleaned up pretty well himself and you found yourself checking him out for what you wished you could say was the first time ever. What could you say? The man looked good in suits.

You must have stood there, staring at each other, for a few minutes before Ned Thompson came into view. Without a second to think, you grabbed Josh’s hand.

“Dance with me.”

“What?”

“Just do it.” You yanked him with you onto the dance floor, losing sight of the Governor’s persistent son.

Josh looked around, trying to see who you seemed so desperate to avoid as the two of you began to sway to the music. “What was that about?”

You checked one more time to make sure the coast was clear. “Ned.”

“The Governor’s kid?”

“Yes.”

“Isn’t he, like, ten years younger than you.”

“He’s only eight, but yes.” You rolled your eyes, annoyed by his pestering. On the bright side, he was a pretty good dancer. “If I dance with him one more time, I think he’ll propose.” You couldn’t help but laugh at the ridiculousness of the situation.

“Just tell him you’re married to me.” Josh smirked. “Worked the last time.” You both chuckled and continued dancing. For a while, you forgot why you were here to begin with. You were enjoying yourself more than you cared to admit. In a room full of people, the only one you wanted to dance with was the man you loved to hate.

Maybe it was the other way around.

-

You sat up in bed, sipping coffee and reading the paper while the sound of the hotel’s heater droned on. The fluffy white robe enveloped your body perfectly, but the real warmth came from the sleeping form beside you as he turned over, swinging his arm so it was around your waist and pulling you closer to him. You smiled in both amusement and complete bewilderment as to how you got here.

“I don’t think this is what the President meant by ‘teamwork’.” You noted, folding up the paper and setting it aside.

Josh peeked up at you, half his face still smooshed against the pillow.

“Goodmorning.” He greeted groggily, rubbing his eyes as he slowly sat up.

“I made you coffee.” You handed him the little Styrofoam cup and waited until he’d had enough to wake up a little more. “What are we supposed to tell him when he asks how everything went?”

He thought for a moment. “You know, we didn’t fight at all last night.” He was right. Between the ball and, well, everything after that, not a single argument was had.

You shrugged and held out your cup of coffee for a cheers. “To teamwork,” Josh smirked and tapped his cup against yours.

“To teamwork.”