#tma parody

[thestatementbrothers]

UPCOMING FROM THE STATEMENT BROTHERS:

ARCHIVIMENOMENON however the fuck you spll it

(as the artist, i can verifiably say that yes. i am actually putting way to much effort into this. i do not care)

[gingerbreadpopsolo]

im not sorry (Connecticut Clark TMA parody) 

((ignore martin is in monochrome shhh)) 

[piffany666]

(I came up with this and now im making it everyone's problem)

Back when warden was working for the department and vega was their "patient"

_________________________________________

Warden: Epiphany. By Inchoate.....W. I was not expecting this, this was so much more, you have stayed the hungry hunters, you have locked deaths door. For all your skulking, slinking, sneering, for all I was...fearing. I was not expecting this. For you to step into the light and reveal yourself. I see you. I see the lamb you hide under the wolfs skin i was- ahh!

Cutie: warden! What are you up to?

Warden: haha!...umm nothing! Notes! J-just umm going over some of our little friends downstairs' notes! C-can i help you?

Cutie: i thought id see how being isolated from everyone else in the department is treating you

Warden: oh? Thats...thats kind (?) Of you

Cutie: anything on your mind?

Warden: oh plenty; dealing with the fact that the place i work for imprisons my own kind, vega being....vega you know the usual. I was actually thinking about visiting aria but well...work and plus somtimes the d(a)emons there can be a bit-

Cutie: yeah thats great, anything els?

Warden: what...?

Cutie: oh come off it warden, i saw you in the brake room the other day

Warden: how do you mean...?

Cutie: look, every day we get thrown with the next mortal terror to deal with, were always being brushed off our feet! The other day me and sweetheart where stressing out about the next big disaster and you could hardly be bothered by any of it, you where just there, staring wistfully off into space while running your finger around the rim of your mug!

Warden: i was.....detracted

Cutie: you like somone!

Warden: WHA- I! T-thats! I-i mean i-i really don-

Cutie: called it! Sweetheart owes me a 5ver! So~ who is it~?

Warden: i dont have to tell you anything!

Cutie: is it the head of the department?! I know youve been talking about them a lot lately

Warden: i-is this an interrogation now?!

Cutie: so it IS the head of the department!

Warden: i-its no! I-its not the head of the department!

Cutie: alright alright! Were getting somewhere! I-its not agent is it? (Agent from the audio "a matter of urgenc" - the one with the southern accent) oh warden you could do better better i mean did you see what he was wearing the other day?

Warden: i-its not agent and I don't want to do this! OK? Now if you could just let me-

Cutie: sweethearts taken but that doesn't necessarily mean it's NOT sweetheart~

Warden: NO NO

Cutie: wait are you being so dodgy about this because it's one of us?

Warden:.....

Cutie: laughs* IS it sweetheart? Is it!?

Warden: I'm literally begging you....

Cutie: realises* alright fine fine have it your way keep you precious secrets but between you and me can I at least offer you a bit of advice?

Warden: I get the feeling you're going to anyway

Cutie: look nobody's going to notice you if you don't notice yourself first

Warden:.....what?

Cutie: OK look that came out wrong but what meant is take care of yourself because I know you Warden you will give yourself away until there's nothing left of you to love

Warden:......thats not fair.

Cutie: oh its true and you know it.

Warden:....maybe

Cutie: look I'm telling you this as a friend just think about it OK? Whoever this is they'll see how great you are not because of what you have to give away but because of where you stand firm and after all of Well whatever the hells been happening here you deserve something for yourself

Warden: hey that- that really means a lot thanks i- I will think about it

Cutie: good alright well I'm gonna head out

Warden: take care of yourself too

Cutue: Always do~ pew! pew!

Warden:....right where was I? Oh yeah yeah OK.

I was not expecting this for the sharp pain of jaws to give way to you-

OH MY GOD CUTIE! NORMAL PEOPLE KNOCK! NORMAL PEOPLE KNOCK!

Cutie: Sorry, sorry! Hey... it's not me, is it~

Warden: Oh would you stop!?

Cutie: cos if it is you know~....dance cards open~

Warden: just go away! Just go away!

Cutie: just putting it out there! Alright, alright.

[ivoliven]

I got inspired by a post by @felagund-fiollaigean and made a thing. Half of the lyrics are also by them.

[transrevolutions]

Magnus Institute WRAPPED

You spent 1,960 hours on the Magnus Institute property!

In total, you recorded and verified 185 statements! That's approximately one statement every two days!

Beholding moment! Your most productive day was October 18th, when you discovered and recorded 4 legitimate statements while in a desperate and paranoid frenzy!

You accidentally entered the Distortion's door 3 times. That's in the top 3.141592653...% of Spiral encounter survivors!

You signed for 15 suspicious packages, all delivered by Breekon & Hope!

You experienced a distinct and inexplicable feeling of surveillance 84 times. The area in which you felt this way most frequently was by the portrait of Jonah Magnus on the way to Artefact Storage!

Check out the top 5 Entities you fed:

The Eye

The Hunt

The Web

The Spiral

The Lonely

And that's all! See you next year! 👁️

[btbluetangerine]

Unreasonably hot Jane Prentiss 🪱

[annabelle--cane]

my problem is that I post exactly like how someone with the url "annabelle--cane" would post and this makes me extremely easy to make fun of online

[henrykathman]

Wanted to do something silly, so here's me doing my best impression of the Magnus Archive.

Transcript Below

Jon [Reading]: Statement of Gianni Sirgy regarding a trip to a Mcdonald's location in Leytonstone. Original statement given the 27th of July, 2023. Audio recording by Jonathan Sims, Head Archivist of the Magnus Institute, London.

Statement begins.

I can’t believe this had happened, this was supposed to just be a silly little video. We’d take a sip of the shake, wish a happy birthday to Grimace, and then pretend to lie dead in the middle of the park while smearing milkshakes on their faces. (Laugh) But we just couldn’t stop... we couldn’t stop Grima-

Martin [Interrupting by opening the door]: Hey John I- Oh!

J: Martin?!

M: sorry I didn’t know you were recording.

J: What’s that you are holding?

M: Oh this? I noticed you hadn’t eaten so I decided to get some fast food, and they had these little cute purple shakes on sale.

J: Milk Shake?

M: You want me to leave the food here?

J: Martin, No! DON'T DRINK THAT- [Tape recorder glitches out]

[ifuckinghaterobertsmirke]

ROBERT SMIRKE??

stupid goddamn idiot motherfucking ROBERT SMIRKE fucked up building making dust chewing old ass BASTARD MAN avatar of the UGLY not a clown but the entire fucking circus of a man cringe munching greekaboo motherfucking ROBERT SMIRKE

please please please mention him to me so I can fucking GO OFF about how much I hate ROBERT SMIRKE why does he have so many fucked up buildings?? Why did he design them like that? Why are they so fucking ugly and lame????? He's dead and I'm so fucking GLAD that he is that I'm making his death date an international global holiday. WHY is he making so many fictional fucked up buildings I dont even know why I hate his guts so much I just fucking do OH WAIT it must have something to do with the fucking HORRORS he keeps creating who designs a parthenon in the middle of london?? Do you think it looks cool?? Buddy you're just stealing Greek designs like England steals artifacts. It's stupid and lame and dumb and YOURE dumb. Your buildings are the equivalent of a teenage weaboo making shitty Naruto OCs from a How To Draw Like An Anime book except WORSE cause your being paid and you should DO BETTER I hate this guy soooooo much

if I wanted to get into heaven and god said robert smirke was waiting inside I would charge in to drag us both down to hell where I could be his personal torture demon

if he gets an old ye olde timey statement and have to hear jon mimic his voice in person on voice in podcast I'm gonna buy a ticket to england, find his grave and then piss on it

he'd BETTER have a fucking good reason for deciding that the House of Leaves was A Good Idea Actually or else I'm gonna go HAm. He'd BETTER have gone insane after witnessing the horrorsTM. If he's just some oldass rich british dude who thought building the unholy lovechild of hp lovecraft and ikea was a great way to capitalism I'm going to find a way into the podcast and bitchslap him with the building code.

Motherfucker is out here committing so many osha violations. Imagine me making a BDG style video where I go over every single violation his spooky buildings have and note how many billions of dollars (with inflation) he owes the British government AND me for personally offending my basic rights. And thatd be fine except we cant categorise doors to Your Worst Fear now can we????

Man makes MC Esher drawings look like Cool Places To Live guy thought the Backrooms were a good idea id kill him if he wasnt already long dead irl

*** I do be mid season 2, no spoilies in the replies please!! frustratingly vague comments encouraged though!

[laertesthelocalstranger]

GIVE ME THE NEOS I MUST EXPAND MY PRONOUNS HAORD

-parody anon

Hi! Have ve/virs and per/per. I also have an extra set of she/her if you want it

I am a big fan, lemme know if there's anything else I can do to support your work lmao

[mossdestroyer]

@pastagobbler

that is what most of the daisy comments say

(also i am elliotly on soundcloud and youtube if u want to stream these there)

[edenthebat]

random idea that someone has probably done before:

Welcome To The Internet parody for TMA. Call it Welcome To The Archives.

replace all the things there with things that happen in tma.

i'd send that to anyone I want to get hooked on tma. or just to give them a brief summary. either way

[kora-kat]

My favorite part of tma is that the eye just airdrops random info into jon's head at random times

Description under cut

[A four panel comic featuring the main character of the Magnus Archives, Jonathan Sims. The comic parodies oniongalic comic about Spinach sending emails. Three of the four panels have purple backgrounds. The second panel is green.

Panel 1- Jon lays on a couch covering his face with his hand. A giant eye floats above the table beside him

Jon: oh ceasless watcher,I'm just feeling real low

Panel 2- the eye is centered in panel. The background is now green and the text box is dark with neon green text.

Eye: CATS CAN BE ALLERGIC TO HUMANS

Panel 3- Jon holds his hand in the air staring into nothing.

Panel 4- Jon leans over to look at eye off panel.

Jon: Oh shit, for real?

Caption: My favorite part of tma is that the eye just airdrops random info into jon's head at random times

End Description]

[sweetcardamom]

@felagund-fiollaigean

This needs sheet music. (I am not singing for you all at this time. You're welcome!)

(Still has a ton of typos. Ignore the sharps on the bass Bs in m.18-19. Even better, ignore the bass line entirely. I really got out of kilter there.)

"the magnus archives sounds cool! what are the content warnings?"

[theendorisit]

apropos of nothing, I made Tape-E

Who is Tape-E?

During one of the TMA livestreams (trying to remember which one), a fan question was asked ‘Is there a mascot (for the Archives or the show itself not sure)?’ One of the team suggested ‘Tape-y?’, to which everyone else responded with ‘Oh no!!’. So I thought, oh yes! So yeah, this is your fault 😘

What is Tape-E?

As Mr Bonzo is a parody of Mr Blobby, Tape-E is a parody of Clippy (these last two names rhyme).

Who is Clippy?

Clippy was a microsoft office assistant, introduced in 1997. He was a little virtual paperclip (officially called Clippit, but that name never caught on) who sat on the bottom right corner of the page, and was programmed to give advice in popup speech bubbles when certain actions were taken. For example, if you wrote out an address and ‘Dear’, Clippy would say ‘Looks like you’re writing a letter. Would you like help?’. The name Tape-E in the livestream seemed to be referring to Clippy, as there are many similarities in the behaviour of Clippy, and the actual tapes/ tape recorders in-universe:

always on by default

appears at inconvenient times

provides help you do not want

hated by (mostly) everyone

watching you with cold dead eyes

enjoyed by nostalgia and retro seekers

Why make Tape-E?

As I am of the same generation as some of the RQ peeps, I unironically loved Clippy and Mr Blobby as a child, and it gives me great joy to imagine, in the TMP universe, Sam getting a little pop up: ‘Looks like you’re trying to code a case file! Would you like some help with that?’ In our world this would be impossible - Windows NT (as the official name) was dropped in 1996, one year before Clippy was born, BUT there is voice recording on TMP’s ancient computers, so it’s not totally impossible! 😅😁

What are cassette tapes?

Just a little recap for those who didn’t grow up with tapes: Cassette Tapes contain information embedded in magnetic tape, wrapped around one spool and attached to a second spool. When played, the spools are turned by the machine and the magnetic tape is wound onto the other spool, the information read out through speakers as the magnetic tape moves through sensors. As the magnetic tape can contain different information depending on the direction of tape movement, you can flip the cassette tape over in the machine, and play the tape again, hearing another load of information. This concept is never utilised in the show, but it does mean that cassette tapes have A-sides, and B-sides (as Vinyl records do). Here, of course, this stands for Archivist-side, and Brutalpipemurder-side. On occasion, the magnetic tapes would become damaged, or bent, and could be pushed out of the cassette, causing a horrible noise, and terror to small children who were only trying to listen to their Just William tapes. When this happened, a pencil (or in my case, my little finger) could be jammed into the spiky spool ‘teeth’, to rewind the magnetic tape back into the cassette. Maybe that’s why the eyes are red? 🩸 I am very glad that the TMA tapes are magic, and record endlessly, never need flipping, and never get chewed up by the hungry machine.

Why is the name Tape-E?

Canon answer: the name stands for Tape-Eyes. Possibly Tape-Entity? Undecided.

Actual answer: Tape-y, Tapey and Tapie spellings look weird to me. I think Tape-E looks best.

Why a tape and not a tape recorder?

if you can crochet a tape recorder, you’re a genius and I love you.

What gender is Tape-E?

I might refer to Tape-E as male sometimes because that’s how people often referred to Clippy. But Tape-E is whatever gender Tape-E feels like being.

Why now?

Why not? also now is a good time because TMP episode 15 is an excellent episode

What’s going to happen to Tape-E?

I’m going to gift it to Jonny sometime, if we get more liveshows or book signings. It’s his fault this exists after all. Plus you can write whatever you like in the speech bubbles! Hopefully I can give it calmly? But maybe Tape-E will be yeeted in his general direction in a fit of ADHD-fuelled social anxiety. Only time will tell.

Tape-E is a pattern and design created entirely by myself. The inspiration and world building from whence it came, is entirely the genius of @jonnywaistcoat Jonny Sims, Rusty Quill @rqbossman and The Magnus Archives, which is a podcast distributed by Rusty Quill and licensed under a creative commons attribution, non-commercial share alike 4.0 international license.

Clippy was invented by Microsoft and Kevan Atteberry, who now illustrates children’s books.

Mr Blobby is an adorable abomination, created from a fevered mind.

[velvetvexations]

apologies for not having links but i blocked everyone on the whole thread and i don't care to willingly seek it out again but on the subject of dropout discourse – i saw someone say there needed to be a list of which dropout members were white vs poc in a similar vein to the tme vs tma trans people stats list and........ do.... do you not see how that's literally tokenizing real life people and their identities.... do you not see how sorting REAL people into groups to determine if a media company is diverse enough is.... not exactly the leftist praxis you think it is? maybe instead, idk, support & uplift comedians of color instead of argue about identity politics online? maybe do antiracist work in real life instead of just infighting? or even actually write to Dropout and articulate any worries you have with regards to diversity & inclusion?

(and if you want to make it worse someone on the thread said they weren't "sure if some people (specifically Zac Oyama) 'counted' as people of color" like?????? 1) if you admit to not being sure if someone counts as a poc then maybe you, a stranger on the internet, is not qualified to make a list about real people's identities which can be both fluid and personal 2) maybe such a list isn't actually as useful as you think it is 3) there was literally a College Humor sketch about parodying the idea of being Asian 'enough' featuring Zac *years* ago)

it also just feels like such a clear example of taking the latest queer discourse and trying to justify it by going "well WHAT IF we apply this to race??" when 1) it's usually white people drawing those comparisons (though idk if these people were white or not) and 2) as such is usually a gross misunderstanding of racism and 3) often makes the original point *much* worse.

his last name is Oyama what do these fucking people want

no, you know what? I hope they do it, please Dropout fandom, make the racism version of the tee em ay stats, I dare you