#tldr being cringe is so cool. Be cringe and be free.

[venomousautism]

I love being cringe and free and just enjoying my interests without caring what others think

[laststandx3]

I just finished Joker 2, and of course I had to understand what the hell happened to this movie. to be brief: the writer of the first movie was also hired to write the 2nd one but he hated it and how fans reacted to it so he wrote Joker 2 to be a meta-commentary about the people who liked the first one. a meta-commentary that was basically a big fuck you for enjoying the story in the first place and expecting this one to be a meaningful sequel.

but lets break it down on what i think the problems of the movie.

so first, you can feel it that the writer(s) hated Arthur/Joker, there's no empathy for that man. there's no writing made to i think meaningfully critique the anarchist message of the first one. Joker 2 is about deconstructing Joker to cancel the message but does it in a very inefficient way.

I've watched joker back when it came out so maybe i'm remembering it all wrong, but if i recall correctly the point of the first movie was about that when you put struggling people in an awful environement they snap. and if there's a lot of struggling people then you got yourself a movement, which in our case was pushing for anarchy. straightforward.

what the 2nd movie tried to do tho, wasnt to deconstruct a system built on chaos but just to punch Arthur Fleck again and again. the plot is about maximising his misery. it's sad and it's ineffective in the sense that the people who idolized him from the first movie will just see this excuse of a man getting beaten, drugged, raped, have a fast and sad sex scene, getting dumped, beaten again and then killed and won't recognize the main character from the first movie in him and will just end up disregarding this critique of the character.

what are the other problems: the musical part wasnt THAT bad, as a musical fan i actually liked most of it, the bad part was the second hand embarassment. it was terrible. joker and harley sang just out of the blue, in front of everyone. you could see people cringing in-story. you were cringing. it was painful. the trial scene when arthur questions his friend? painful. he thinks he's being funny and brilliant but he's just uugh. terrible. and i kinda get that's one of the point the writers wanted to make, that joker isnt cool and he's cringe and you shouldnt like him. but like? it's too late for that. people already liked him. writing a more pathetic version of him wont make people dislike the first movie,

my last critique and it's not really about the movie is that every time someone smoked a sign would pop up on the side of the screen reading "smoking kills" and i couldnt stop thinking about that meme of people loosing the ability to understand media and that sketch where there was a changing emoji on the corner of the screen telling people how they should feel during every scene. can we watch a movie and be free to internalize what we want from it? even if it's smoking. just give us back the freedom to like what we want to like. they could as well added a few lables with "killing is bad", "beating and raping the inmates is bad", shit like that.

tldr : the problem of joker 2 is that it was written by someone who didnt like the first movie and really hated the people who did. which is just sad beacuse in the message that joker 2 was trying to give it was well written, and i'd liked it so much more if it was only a psycological court drama. but it wasnt it was the sequel to a movie that had complete different premises

[otterkinflyswalker]

just a vent (tw emotional abuse and queerphobia).

im so tired of ppl saying "projection/self-insert is cringe" fuck you not all of us are lucky enough to have really good support systems/therapy. it's hard enough going through a tough situation without ppl like this shaming u for having a coping mechanism. projection is a great way to feel supported when you don't have that many ppl supporting u irl

i'm living in a homophobic household as a lesbian whose gender is a whole clusterfuck. it's been a little over three years since i tried to come out and was rejected blatantly. ever since then my mom and i have fought like every single day. it's rarely even abt my sexuality/gender-- just about things like my interests, my grades, my college applications coming up, etc. often these fights escalate to the point of blatantly terrible statements-- "i regret ever having you," "i don't love you," "you disappoint me." she always apologizes, ofc, and occasionally she says she doesnt remember saying that stuff, but i remember it. it's almost like coming out just opened the floodgates for all our other issues. disclaimer my mom is actually so cool most of the time but these fights have a rlly bad impact on my mental health.

i know this is terrible, but god it hurts to see people with supportive parents. obviously im not angry they're being supported. that's great i'm really happy for them it just makes me so sad because i can't even imagine what that's like. but i think the most painful thing about seeing so many ppl with supportive parents is that it makes me feel so alone. and that's where the projection bit comes in.

by projecting on my fav characters, i'm just slightly less alone, and what im going through is just slightly cooler. oh i have trust issues from being in the closet? swag so does kaito vocaloid. oh i'm living in an emotionally abusive household? kaito vocaloid did that too. oh i have to hide my long-term relationship from my parents for another year or two before i'm free to make my own choices and every single second i'm terrified i'm going to be found out? well if kaito vocaloid and kamui gakupo could make it through then why can't i.

i know that sounds really fucking pathetic but it's fucking helping me get out of bed in the morning. i dont give a shit if it's "cringe." i'd rather be cringe than dead.

tldr: fuck the haters. if i'm a lesbian lego batman is too

[cheesy-che]

for tmnt 40th asks!: 3 (for 2003), 19, 28, 35 and 36? :0c

TMNT’s 40th anniversary ask game!

Hello you! :3

19.) Who is your favorite ally?

Definitely April! She’s resourceful, and I see her acting as a cool, young aunt for the turtles. Or just an older friend, tbh. She is extremely caring and intelligent,  nothing stops her. I feel like she is one of the few who realizes (and makes them realize) that the TMNT are going through A LOT for teenagers. She’s grounded but also has her silly moments that are fun to watch. The way she cares about family values is one of the factors that explains why she stayed, in my opinion. 2003 April beloved…

28.) What is one thing you would like to see explored more in TMNT art/fics? You know the answer to this. You wanted me exposed, is that it? :’) I am absolutely obsessed with the concept of fluffy feelings in a world that’s harsh. (You might say I love “contrasts” or something.) These turtles deserve love and happiness that is exponential to the levels of trauma and adventures they endure. I have to admit I’m not very good at remembering the titles of the few fanfics that I read… but the ones I enjoyed the most are the ones shining light on how they are able to find joy in the little things while dealing with angst/trauma. How they can heal when receiving love and understanding from their brothers, their friends or even when OCs are thrown into the mix.

Most of the time, I love when the things they are going through are unsaid but very clear at the same time. The ninja turtles do a lot of that in canon. They are all sensible in their own ways, but I love to see the explanation being deeper in fanfics… which brings me to the fic that YOU wrote that I love so much, NERD. (Frost) 

TLDR : Fluff and angst!

35.) Which character relationships are your favorite to write/draw?

I don’t draw as much as I want to because I’m so out of practice and busy… hhhhhhhhhhh. I wish I did though… eventually… maybe… if I have enough self-confidence to post…..

As for writing, I’m obviously obsessed with my Original Character in the TMNT universe. She’s literally my muse. Writing about her relationship with any of the turtles makes me happy, but especially when I write about her interactions with Leonardo because I ship them :’). (I am cringe, but I am free.) 

But I think it goes along with what I wrote for the previous question. My favorite things to write about are when the four turtle brothers understand each other with little to no communication. Some things are simply too difficult to talk about, but they can communicate with actions and just be there for each other. I did write a piece forever ago here inspired by @sassatello’s Vacation AU… it’s probably bad HAHA – I TRIED…

As always, I don’t produce content as much as I want to because vague gesture of the hand capitalism, depression and all that. And I have to admit that the courage I need to actually post something sometimes is immense to me lol.

BUT YEAH… TLDR : Things left unsaid but completely understood by two or more characters. These characters being my OC x any turtle or any turtle x any turtle. I love all my sons.

36.) Which character do you have the hardest time writing/drawing?

Drawing : All of them. I straight up do NOT practice enough lol. Hence why I don’t often post my art.

Writing : For some reason, Michelangelo is the one that I have the most trouble writing with! He is lots of fun to write because I can just be sillier and more laid-back with the way he presents himself, but who knows what’s going on in that head of his LMAO. 

I feel like the three other turtles have a tendency to suppress their feelings in some way, and while he does it too, it’s very different. He’s more “jokey” and about it. We’ve seen how, in canon, he expresses what he thinks in a way that’s so casual it’s almost creepy lmaooooo. For example, in Grudge Match, Leonardo and him have this conversation when Leo suggests he can help Mikey with his training :

L : [...] to be so focused, so ready, that nothing and no one will ever catch you off guard again.

M : Um, we still talking about me here?

So like.. you KNOW that Mikey understood that his brother was troubled. But the way he expresses his worry with a joke? Bro. I love him so much for this HAHA but I have trouble recreating this in my writing.  ~ ~ ~

Thank you for reading my ramblings… I really appreciate it ;_; <3 

[notice-me-senpai-hell]

I literally had this blog since I was a little kid and now I'm a grown adult. Honestly it hurts to look back at my writings because it shows that I was a chronically online kid with no sense of anything (social cues, social no-no's, and just copying cliches from anime at the time).

BUT cringe culture is dead and I can't blame the little 11 year old that was just having fun and didn't know better at times. Now as I'm much older, I'm falling back in my hobbies and joys I had when I was young but couldn't embrace before of school, peer pressure, and my own sense of shame. But I'm just human and I have grown so much and yet- I still enjoy the same things like before. Granted, I may cringe at the stuff I posted whether wishing I did better or didn't do at all. Like my tag name is still cool in my eyes even if I struggle to say it out loud to a stranger/friend irl without getting red.

I'm losing my point, but I just get shy talking about my interests since I never had the space before. But I'm in a better space than I was a decade ago. I want to respect past me and current me to give myself the space to have fun and bit a little cringe (affectionate).

I don't want to delete anything or private it (even when I think too hard and want to) since I had some people reach out about my writing on other platforms and you never know if you wrote something that someone enjoyed or likes to go back and laugh at (whether in a bad way or in a funny way). I was also part of other blogs that did stuff for many fandoms that I loved (for example, Gravity Falls, etc , and Notice Me Senpai - a game that I loved to this day and I'm so proud of the stuff I did there. I'm not ashamed of the fun I had even if my irl friends at the time were weird about it. If you played that game and read my Match-Ups on that group blog I was part of or anything I had here .. KNOW THAT I LOVE YOU!!! I adore everyone on that blog and in the fandom of that game!!!! that was so cool and I can't believe kid me had so much time to write. I'm so happy that was a big part of my experience here on tumblr before the game got shut down. Yes, I was a little weird kid, but at least that weird kid had a funnel to pour all their ideas that got rejected in science and theater class).

This is just a public statement on my blog that when you scroll past this you will see and witness a gradient of my childhood of a chronically online and acoustic kid that didn't know know what would be fun then would be the thorn in my side aka my internet footprint. It will start with the sparse posts before diving into piles and piles of stuff. Don't look at it if you are new. Just don't. But you could.

But fuck it, let's embrace it since when I'm even older then this - I may cringe at myself now. Hell, I'm an adult on the internet talking about Japanese and Chinese visual novel/RPGs games. But I want to give myself the space to have fun with my hobbies since I'm so drained from being an adult - I just want to be a person that can have fun and not think to hard about irl. I want to pour out all my AU's and headcanons that rattle in my head since that's the point of creativity if you don't spill it out.

This has just been in my mind in a hot minute and I wanted to put it out there not really for anyone to read but more like a public statement for myself to remind me that it's okay to have fun. If you have been following me for some years and now just seeing this- heyYyyyyyy. Thanks for everything and y'all feel free to DM here. I would love to see how my audience changed with the years and talked to people from the NMS fandom (since my blog was more directed to them)

Heads up, I'm going to start posting stuff again like writings and headcanons and I'm excited to feel this weight off my shoulders.

TLDR: I was a chronically online 11 year old with no sense of anything (social cues, social no-no's, and just copying cliches from anime at the time) but that's fine- everyone is cringe when there are in middle school. I won't delete or private anything because I don't want to take away anything that someone enjoyed. I'm grown and I'm giving past me and current me the space to have fun.

I love the NMS fandom and proud of that stuff (even if I don't read it). Reach out to me and know that this blog will get a makeover and be alive one again.

[icaruseater]

The 2024 Overrated List

Traveling. It’s not inherently virtuous and we need to stop acting like it is.

Clapping and cheering every time men wear skirts. This is the new painted nails or wearing pearls. A tactic for uninteresting men to try and get in the pants (or overalls) of “artsy” women. Not so fast, little boy!

Working out/Going to the gym.

Chipotle, Cava, Playa Bowl, Sweetgreen, etc. Yippie! Another bowl-centered fast casual joint! You shouldn’t have…

Quiet luxury fashion. SNOOZE.

Every Blake Lively Met Gala look.

Energy drinks. Was I asleep when these became cool? Why are people online holding a Monster like an accessory? And I hate you Celsius for trying to make these chic. You can like them, but they’ll never be chic.

The name “Ophelia”.

Zara (the clothing store). Probably the only thing on this entire list that I seriously dislike.

Eurovision. After loosely keeping up with the most recent season, I’m kinda glad the American version of this flopped.

Teezo Touchdown. I like him. He’s cute. I have a crush on him. Just wish his music was as cool as his look.

Those TikTok accounts whose whole shtick is re-enacting “cringe” viral videos. I was going to do a separate rant/analysis on this phenomenon because it confuses me profoundly… but the TLDR is that I think everyone involved is kinda lame.

Caring about the way your lawn looks.

Marrying rich. Can’t help but feel a great sadness for girls who think this is a “way out” of patriarchy, and I’m perpetually rolling my eyes at the women trying to sell it.

Raising Canes.

Not wanting to look like everyone else. This is just a fool's errand and I think we’d all be happier if our fashion philosophy was centered around what we do like rather than what we want to avoid.

The city of Houston. Everything cool about it is immediately soured by the fact that all of it is so s p r e a d o u t.

iPads.

Thrifting. Of course this is, on paper, more sustainable than buying from places like the dreaded Zara, but the best thing you can do from a fashion sustainability standpoint (for the environment and for your own personal style) is to wear the stuff you already own. Overconsuming at the thrift is still overconsumption…

Being someone’s muse.

Matcha. Delicious, one of the best drinks ever. It’s the pale pastel green ones that lowkey piss me off. If it’s not medium-dark grassy green, don’t even bother.

That’s almost all of them, but if you’d like to read more I posted the full version on my Substack (for free, ofc)! Would appreciate if u checked it out & thank u for reading <3

[horce-divorce]

This update may post twice but I really wanna make sure it does, so here's my second attempt!!! Sorry if redundant!!!!

We made it, and our camp season is officially over. Leaving is kinda bittersweet; van life actually suits us quite a bit. We're on the way to my friend's house today. it's 500 miles from here and a very temporary solution, but it will give us somewhere to land, time to save money, improve our setup, and make a plan for next camp season when we head back out. Yes, we are choosing to live in the car instead of trying to get back into renting, for the time being, and we are gonna keep talking about it, so feel free to stay tuned.

Anyway, we have exactly enough money for 2 tanks of gas and nothing else. We should be able to roll in on E with that, however, more pressingly, we don't have any car food. All the stuff we bought earlier this week was camp food (pancake mix, shelf stable bacon, instant oats, ramen etc) and we obviously cannot cook on the road, where we will be for 8-10 hours today.

I need more food/sodium than that for my POTS if im to stay functional. If anyone could shoot us just $20-30 for food on the road today and potentially a few extra bucks of gas as a cushion, it would feel SO much safer making this last leg of the trip!!!

Once again I just wanna say thanks for everyone who's stuck with us. Nobody likes to have to ebeg, but the fact that so many friends and strangers alike have stayed invested in our wellbeing- even just to the tune of $5 at a time- means SO much, especially when so many other people seemingly dont care if we die out here. It keeps our spirits up in addition to giving us the actual ability to keep going. This would be a lot worse of a time without all of you- and having to ask doesn't make me feel pathetic, actually. it makes me feel a lot of love and care from all over the world, and what a cool thing to have!! Allies near and far who care about you!!! That's cool as hell. Thanks for letting us experience that.

Tldr sometimes a family is a couple of ratboys and the internet friends who buy them pizza <3

Thanks for caring yall. Keep it queer, cringe and unmarketable ✌️🚗💕

✨️🛸 @smeetlinglord and i are a disabled t4t couple who've been homeless since august. we have somewhere to stay for the winter, but we have a bit more time living in the car before we can go. we need some help to survive in the national forest for just a bit longer, a couple of weeks tops; enough money for a couple tanks of gas, a bag of shelf-stable groceries, and various meds for both of our conditions. ~$200 or so should cover us for the time being, but reblogs and moral support also help a lot!!!

We owe a huge, enormous big thank you to everyone who's been keeping us afloat so far. This situation, though not without its issues, would be an awful lot scarier right now without all of you!! Even the smallest amount makes such a huge difference to us if it means we can hit up the dollar tree. Thank you so much for looking out for us. Please drink some water today. I love you 💕

🌻 paypal . venmo . cashapp ✨️

[hyukabean]

hwang hyunjin as your bf (headcanons)

req – for my youth pastor simp <3 @yejiimg

nana's notes – speed wrote this cause inspo <3 all my other wips are… eh not happy with them yet

warning(s) – does jealousy count??

unedited.

how you met .｡.:*☆

i feel like you’d meet through lily, hear me out

nmixx is still a rookie group, and the budget is definitely a lot lower than some of the big names under jype

they can’t really afford to always pay staff full time, so they decided to hire a bunch of interns, for much less pay ofc

being a college student though, you don’t mind, and decide to take the job!

being able to speak english with lily would definitely make her feel more at ease when she’s stressed and so on

with time, y’all become besties~

you’ll wait for her after she’s done working, and sooner rather than later, you become a known face

felix invites her out for boba one day, and she takes you with her cause why not?

a few months in, i can also see you getting close to the skz aussie line, even if you don’t constantly hang out (cause jypapi’s got chan in his dungeon-)

hyunjin needed inspo for his new painting, and so felix is, “hey, meet my friend, they’re kinda cool”

and hyunjin’s like?????? no???????????

but ofc he end up saying yes anyways

ngl bby would be hella awkward and shy. but not like the stuttering mess, more like the o-o, i’m watching you

lily would just laugh awkwardly, and continue speaking to you

trying to “ignore” him, you do the same

but then he’s like !! woah. they’re kinda pretty… and look at their shiny eyes… oh and the lines when they smile

jinnie would def start drawing without even noticing.

by the end of it, you all just kind of part ways, not having gotten much closer

he’d ask felix for your number though, and send you the sketch with a lil, ‘sry about last time… but, can i draw u again?’

ofc you’re super flattered and agree *cue felix and lily evil chuckling*

it would take a long time for him to trust, and get close to you, but after your there, you’re in

it would genuinely just be friendship at first, but when your birthday rolls around and he sticks a letter and a painting of you in your hands before leaving?

yeah, you’re definitely in-in now. (that’s what she said-)

pros .｡.:*☆

okay, 100% the pet name privileges

he’s not suuuper affectionate with the other members, save for felix, so when he starts doing little things like: calling you princess, feeding you, actually texting you back, no one knows how to respond

hyunjin is definitely a secret hopeless romantic, and so it’s no surprise that he draws inspiration from romantic things, aka, you <3

def has lil sketches of you laying around

constantly takes secret candid pictures of you, and re-drawing them, knowing full well he’ll never be able to encapsulate all of your beauty

free dance lessons. he would offer to teach you anything.

loves seeing you have fun <3 loves seeing you (full stop)

tbh he’d cringe a bit if you’re awkward, but would also lovingly guide you, recounting all the steps for you~

by far the #1 hyunjin bf privilege is getting to back hug him and getting forehead kisses as a thank you

no matter who’s around, how tall you are, how much you weigh, if you’ve got acne or not, none of it matters.

tldr. bby’s a major simp for you <3

last but not least, you get all of his hoodies. it gets to a point where, if you’re not wearing something matching, he straight up just makes you wear his clothes, no questions asked

but don’t you dare tease him about it, he’ll ignore you for a solid 3 hours straight

affection gets it’s own section muahahah

cons .｡.:*☆

jealousy. though it’s not allllways a bad thing. it can get pretty rough. essentially, there’s two types:

1) the ‘cute’ jealous

hyunjin’s english is pretty good, but his confidence isn’t always the highest (which it definitely should be wtf-)

so he does get a bit :< seeing you and felix, or lily talk so freely with each other

and though, again, he understands, he can’t always respond

so, whenever he’s put in that situation, he sulks and goes to his room

which in itself isn’t reeeaally an issue, but communication definitely something he needs to work on in a relationship

anyways, you sneak after him one day, and find him studying english using text books:(

ofc you confront him and you’re like ??? why didn’t you ask me:(( and he’s like :(((((( sry bby

2) the ‘not so cute’ jealous

as mature as i think hyunjin is, he’s not always open to talking about what bothers him

this would often lead to petty arguments, empty but hurtful words, or just radio silence.

often the members would try and help, but controlling his jealousy when he sees you with someone else, or doing something, whatever it may be, is something he should fix

and he’s well aware of it.

this wouldn’t be a problem too too often

but once it’s there, it’s there

once you reassure him over and over and over again, and he realizes it’s really his insecurities that fuel this arguments, he’d better himself

getting there takes a while though

affection .｡.:*☆

as for affection..:

i think it’s goes one of two ways

either his s/o is also a ‘tsundere’, or they’re super affectionate

if they’re the former, he’d would 100% get along with them

they’d get the feeling of not wanting to be touched 24/7 but not minding it from time to time

though if they’re equally as prideful as his is, you’ll need to compromise on who asks first

overall though 10/10 would love someone similar to him

if they’re suuuper affectionate… they’ll need to tread on eggshells for a while

not because he doesn’t love them, but just because he’s someone who doesn’t feel the need to be touchy all the time

when he’s in that mood, he’s 1000000% going at it, kisses hugs everything

but when he’s not, he needs space (back it up bestie)

again, you’ll need to compromise

either way, you’ve seen him around felix, he wouldn’t ever leave you touch starved;)

habits / miscellaneous .｡.:*☆

playing w/ your fingers cause they’re pretty

giving you head pats cause he likes telling you you’ve done well without actually having to say it

would give you a promise ring <3

hyunjin would love having you sleep over

it’s here the affection side of him would come out the most

he’d leech on to you, and just mwahmwahmwah in his sleep

also would watch you sleep if he woke up first (…that sounded a lot less weird in my head-)

over all, 10/10 would recommend to a friend;)

© hyukabean all rights reserved. - do not translate my work, claim it as your own, and/or repost on any platform

[shoichee]

okok hc or fic: reader was teiko’s “head” manager(?) and her talent was being a medic (if someone gets injured they’re back on the court in under a minute type thing) and training plans. suddenly momoi’s talent blooms, she starts working w/ everyone in the team (+ reader’s crush akashi) and people think she’s a better manager than reader. because of this, she overworks + collapses in front of her best friends kuroko + kise (don’t let akashi know yet i have plans for that 👀)

HELLO? YES OFFICER? I JUST FOUND A BANGER REQUEST RIGHT HERE? YOUR BRAIN IS SO BIG AND SEXY IVE BEEN DYING TO WRITE THIS🏃🏻‍♀️💨 part 2 here and part 3 here AND update: part 4 here

Akashi x Reader

[Teiko!manager Headcanons]

you had a knack of being a natural chiropractor in loosening up tense muscles instantly (for more fluid play) or easily putting in back dislocated joints

basically you have crackhands

in your free time as a hobby and a job as the “head manager” (that Akashi announced to the team himself), you’d often bury yourself in anatomy studies and gym plans on the internet and databases to review over Akashi’s team training routines to see if they were effective and safe; oftentimes, you’d return back with improved plans, and as time went on, Akashi entrusted you with creating the plans yourself completely

you took on the job so eagerly to impress the Teiko captain, if you were being honest to yourself

your enthusiasm even inspires Momoi, Teiko’s other manager, to work harder

no one in Teiko knows physiology better than you, and as expected, it was also your best subject along with health

Kise often looks at you in horror and respect at how you don’t cringe/flinch at the loud cracks resonating across the room or court when players come to you for instant relief (the origin story of how he came to call you (y/n)-cchi was the very fact that you manage to put back his dislocated shoulder in 3 seconds flat one game)

when Kuroko first joined the 1st-string, he was a walking magnet for injuries, and you ended up being there for him every single time… nosebleeds? check. sprained ankle? check. nausea from over exhaustion? check.

both you and Kuroko relish in the fact that everyone in the team can never understand how the both of you do some incredible things with your hands

both of you being quite dexterous, you both often teach each other your specialties for fun; it’s almost shocking to see Kuroko effortlessly loosening up a stress knot and you pulling off a well-done palm pass

you admit, you do juggle a lot of responsibilities… from being a makeshift nurse, to a chiropractor, to a budget gym coach, and even to being moral support

Momoi often reminds you to take breaks being the caring person that she is

you often showed her the ropes and tricks of being a manager, on top of your duties, and you find it really endearing that she’s so earnest in learning from you

even if you enjoyed doing what you do, part of the massive workload is to try to get into Akashi’s good graces

talking to him about basketball duties is easier to achieve than talking to him outside of the extracurricular

you might be a tad bit insecure about it; after all, what middle schooler is already so accomplished in academics, sports, and everything you could think of? wasn’t he also studying to take over his father’s company??

to you, who only starred as Teiko’s humble manager, it felt hard trying to establish common ground for conversation outside of basketball

so you stuck to working hard at your position, hoping that your work ethic would get his attention one day; you were a firm believer of actions over words, so you hoped your actions would come off as genuine

picture you and Momoi running across campus with stacks of papers for the team… it makes most of the teammates’ hearts melt at the sight

your work certainly got you praises from other teammates, but out of all players, Kise was the one who figured out your motive

you felt absolutely morbid; to think that Kise, of all people, would figure you out like the back of his hand

Kise being sweet as he is, offers to help you get with the captain but you merely prompted to threaten to break his arm if he spilled your crush to anyone else

“(y/n)-cchi… I’ve been thinking.”

“Yes, Kise?”

“It’s really cool that you’re working so tirelessly for the team, but I can’t help but wonder if there’s a reason why you work so hard.”

“O-Of course I do! I want to see you guys all succeed!”

“Then I’m curious as to why you always look at Akashicchi—o-ow, ow, ow!! (y/n)-cchi, I’m sorry! So can you please let go of my—ow!”

“H-How did you know?!”

“I-It was as obvious as day, (y/n)-cchi! I’m pretty sure even Kurokocchi found out about this before I did!”

“N-No way!!”

“Tell you what, I’m super duper knowledgeable in this stuff! You can count on me for this sort of advice—OW!”

spoiler alert: Kise was right in that Kuroko definitely noticed your attraction to Akashi before anyone else… he just never brought it up to you

one day, Kuroko comes up to you to whisper:

“(y/n)-san, have you realized that Akashi-kun has been observing you recently during practice?”

“W-Wait! Is he looking over here right now?”

“Not that I think. He’s occupied with the coach right now.”

“D-Do you think this is a good sign?”

Kuroko gives you a small smile before he replies, “I would like to think so. Keep working hard, (y/n)-san.”

and you do, you’re constantly on top of your game for the next season until Momoi suddenly gets more recognition for her “precognitive defense” skills

her newfound talent was extraordinary and never-before-seen, and her ability became more critical to Teiko’s victories than your own skills

you were happy and proud for her, because after all, her achievements were extremely deserving to be praised

it’s only when some 1st-string players started making offhand comments about how you weren’t really needed in the 1st-string and was more suited to the lower strings that placed seeds of doubt into you

these people would often compare you to Momoi in how she improved much more despite you being in the team for longer

there’s also talk about how your skills are more useful for 2nd-string and 3rd-string players because Momoi’s ability is already sufficient enough for Teiko’s starters

after all, how would a player even be injured if they can predict their opponents’ moves to avoid such incidents?

there’s also the fact that Akashi has been calling Momoi more frequently to research on upcoming teams for analytical data because her talent has become very useful to ensuring victory

the same peers and adults who gave you praise were the same people who began to ignore you or dismiss you; that being said, the collective change in attitude is definitely subtle enough that it would fly under most people’s radars

Kuroko was the first to notice and defend you against a small group of players who were bold enough to badmouth you in the gym

Kise would find out a little later about the somewhat unpleasant gossip about you and would pull the “no you” reverse card, returning back with MEANER underhanded comments that would send these shit talkers CRYING HOME (manga Kise strikes here unexpectedly eh?)

Murasakibara is someone who would be slightly uncomfortable with the gossip about you, especially since you’ve always been so helpful and kind to the team and himself; he’d either leave the room himself or easily scare them away with his looming height and presence without saying a single word when he enters the room “minding his own business”

Midorima is a bystander judging from how he’s reacted to the Teiko dynamic changes in the actual show // he, of course, wouldn’t like the nasty talk about you but would actually mind his own business, choosing to focus on himself and what he has to do to contribute to his team; he assumes that you would work hard the same way he is and let your contributions do the talking

now Akashi surprisingly wouldn’t hear much of the gossip, since his presence alone SHUTS them up and commit to their practices like normal; after all, it’s very clear that Akashi doesn’t tolerate this type of behavior in the team (example: Haizaki), and it’s more apparent that he wouldn’t hesitate to drop kick them out especially since he has a soft spot for you (which Kise never fails to bring this up to you, but you think he’s reaching too much into it) // TLDR; the teammates mostly have the common sense to not utter anything bad about you… maybe one kid would slip out and get punished for “bad sportsmanship,” but Akashi merely assumes that it’s just one bad apple and not necessarily… the many others as well

Aomine???? bro he ain’t even at practice wdym (HELPPP LMAOO) // jokes aside, if he catches wind of players shit-talking outside of the gym… say at the convenience store or when he’s walking home or something, well… they wouldn’t have a good time…

Momoi simply chastises the gossipers when they try to talk shit on you to make Momoi herself look good, and it leaves? such? a? horrible? taste? like, she wants to believe that they’re just really poor jokes and not what they really believe in, and the teammates merely reassure her that they’re just bad jokes and that they “wouldn’t do it again;” poor Momoi wholeheartedly believes them

the weird talks about Momoi being “the better manager” just signalled to you that you haven’t contributed enough to the team yet, and it motivated you to work even harder

oddly, you weren’t jealous of the fact that Momoi was receiving more positive attention than you

you were more afraid of the fact that you were going to get left behind, and this fear only tightened its hold on you when more teammates (who used to talk to you a lot) have changed their tunes when they speak with you now, compared to them talking to Momoi

and you felt that the Generation of Miracles would do the same too… including Akashi

it wasn’t an irrational fear for you because he’s already been calling Momoi a lot more frequently for help than you recently

so you even offered to mop the gym floors after practice, offered to stay later than usual to be the one to lock up the gym for anyone (cough, Kuroko) who wanted to practice whenever they wanted

at one point, you even tried to do what Momoi does: researching on upcoming teams and making your own predictions (that didn’t really work, and that cost you a few nights’ worth of sleep every single time)

not to mention that you still had regular school like any other student? you were the epitome of a mess

Kuroko was with you in the empty gym, you putting away the extra basketballs in the storage closet while he practiced his dribbling, until he heard a crash in there and a few basketballs rolled out the door

you collapsed right when you rolled in the basketball cart

POOR KUROKO HE DOESN'T KNOW WHAT TO DO // he just tries to give you a piggyback ride as he abandons his plans of practice and tries to jog to the nearest local clinic

that’s where he bumped into Kise, who was heading home after an evening shoot when he saw the two of you

chaos ensue as Kise freaks out and Kuroko had to calm him down himself after answering the never-ending questions

at least the doctor there gave relieving news that you only collapsed from over-exhaustion and that the bruises from the fall were very faint

Kise makes a joke to Kuroko about, “What’s with you and (y/n)-cchi falling to the floor and fainting? You guys can’t be that alike.”

when you shortly regain consciousness, you were met with a… very stern Kuroko and Kise, who were both ready to hear your explanation and to scold you to oblivion

to your surprise, they were understanding; Kuroko understands the feeling of not being enough and working hard to meet other people’s expectations, and Kise understands the struggle of juggling multiple things in his schedule (come on, student, athlete, and model?)

they still scolded your ears off:

“(y/n)-san, you idiot. Why didn’t you ask anyone to help out?”

“That’s…”

“(y/n)-cchi, do you think we’re undependable?!”

“Er, no, that’s…”

you were still dizzy from the fall and the lack of proper sleep (and maybe nutrition if we’re being honest), and you were just a ball of stress

you kind of begged your best friends not to tell a SOUL to anyone about this incident, especially to Akashi… you didn’t want to look even more incapable in his eyes than you already were

they do agree on one condition: for you to take AT LEAST a day or two off school to completely recover and rest up (you reluctantly agree; besides how were you going to explain the bruises that can’t be covered to your peers?)

HELP WHY ARE KISE AND KUROKO THE BEST LIARS TOGETHER ON CAMPUS LITERALLY NO ONE SUSPECTS A THING… except Akashi, the ever sharp captain, felt something was amiss

especially since some Teiko players emanated a feeling of relief at the news of you not being here that day, or the next

Akashi would play detective sleuth and find out what’s really going on sooner or later

End Note: gonna cut this off here b/c I KNOW this anon got a juicy part two i FEEL IT

[whimsucalcookie]

long post, beware rant slash info slash gender. everything’s under the readmore

bringing this back bc i’m petty and bored and op is a coward for talking shit about me behind my back over a post about a cookie run ad(of all things.....) and also i realised i’m nonbinary woohoo!!!💛🤍💜🖤 (op isn’t btw😶) he probably won’t see this bc he blocked me but starting off with a funny:

and now for some cool stuff!

pronouns =/= gender

nonbinary =/= using gender neutral pronouns

unspecified pronouns=/=nonbinary

third one is specifically aimed for fandom, anyways it’s lecture time with professor whim.

there are masculine enbies(i’m one😍). there are feminine enbies. there are enbies that are both or all or even none. some use he/him, some use she/they, some use neopronouns. the meaning of nonbinary is in the name - not fitting with what is the gender binary of male and female be it partially or completely. nb people may identify with binary aspects of gender but this does not invalidate their identity as nonbinary. this should be an obvious fact but you don’t have to look or act a certain way to be valid as nb. gender expression does not have to match with gender identity.

here’s some resources i found that are much better at explaining this than me👇🏻

please stop bothering and badmouthing people over characters that you have headcanons about. it’s really shitty behaviour and you should be embarrassed. let people have their fun. i think it’s cringe and immature if you block people for disagreeing with your headcanons but ofc you’re free to do what you want as long as you don’t hurt people. everyone enjoys fandom differently. some people like shipping, some people like creating complex aus and ocs. some people just want other people to talk about their interests with. theories and hcs are awesome(i have them too ;3) and they contribute so much to interest but instead of fighting people over fanon disagreements FOCUS ON HELPING AND PROTECTING REAL LIFE LGBTQ+ FOLKS. it’s very strange that one would get offended on the behalf of a cookie that they headcanon as nonbinary, and constantly whine about fictional characters(whose genders aren’t even specified sometimes😭) getting “misgendered” yet contribute nothing to benefit actual nonbinary people. it feels so very.......what’s the word i’m thinking of........ performative?

the state of arkansas is trying to pass a bill that would criminalise gender-affirming healthcare. three states have passed bills that bans mtfs from participating in girl’s school sports, tennessee being the most recent. every day people are harassed, attacked, even murdered for being gay/trans/nonconforming. complain about things like that. complain about real-world things that causes actual harm instead of being like “this person doesn’t think a character is (insert gender/sexuality)! BIGOT!!!!!1!!1”

op you likely won’t see this but roguefort cookie will not come out of my phone and tell me off for referring to them/him/????? as a he. roguefort cookie is not real. gender is not real. you are a weirdo who’s nitpicking for things to be upset over. if you want proper nb representation then don’t expect it to come from a game about sentient cookies.

anyways that’s all i have to say,

TLDR: i’m a transmasc enby and i want people to actually understand what being nb is. also fandoms are fucking stupid. big kudos to you if you managed to read this whole thing, my head hurts and i’m gonna go take a very long nap✌🏻

[unknownlinguist]

playing hades reminded me of a childhood funny story

just started up Hades(first time player, no spoilers pls)  i might live blog my  reactions bc jfc......

I just met Nyx.  oh lawdy.  oh dear.  I have irl ‘history’ with Nyx.  This is sending me spiralling into middle school drama memories haha XD

read the story if you want :)

tldr;  a kid deadass orchestrated a Meet-Cute with me and I was too caught up in the euphoria of Being Goth to notice.

When they taught Greek Myths in English in junior high, we had a creative project that was sort of free choice, and the boy who (later i found out was crushing on me omfg player moves here) convinced me to partner up and do the holy grail of projects:  The Dreaded Video Skit (considered to be a lot more challenging of an option if I remember correctly)

Now; I actually always was sort of camera shy.  And I was a bit of a NERD who actually tried to get good grades(at least in english, one of my stronger classes!)  Additionally- ~back then~ i was in kind of a phase where I thought Drama/Acting type stuff was “Cringe” as The Kids These Days say.  So how did this kid convince me to be in a VIDEO based ACTING dependent project?  WELL.

He appealed to my ......  Dark side...

He appealed to my secret dark desire to be goth.  Smh.  Played me like a god damned fiddle-  I think I had commented that I’d only really though Hades was a particularly cool God, and “He was a guy, I cAnT pOsSiBlY be a GUy”(or smthn...  i was cool with cosplaying dudes even back then, so i guess I was just making excuses to not be in a video project)  He said that I “Would be a great Nyx, the Goddess of Night” and I was like :O “le gasp?  whomst the fuck?” and then he just 

HYPED UP Nyx as this badass cool dark warrior msyterious night goddess type and silly goth-kid-wannabe-me was like <.<;;;  hm.  so.  are auditions still open?  to which i’m NOW realizing the lil’ dude was probably like going 

asside:

Oh jeezus christ in Hindsight I wonder if the teacher of that class was like lowkey playing wingman for that kid omfg ....  😶bc whenever he rearranged the class seating chart he kept us next to each other but like in different arrangements of desks....  This is a teacher that had a ‘Ship Chart’(not like from homestuck, but me n’ the other homestucks used to joke that it was like THAT) which was a little dry erase board that he updated with which students were dating which lmao (i think his joke was that if any of the students were dating he would team them together in projs?  Or do the opposite i cant remember?)  -- and now that im thinking back to the moment when that kid was OBVIOUSLY using the school project as his personal Meet Cute I think I recall some Raised Eyebrows™ and Hard-Hitting English-Teachery Questions about who the character Nyx was (because we had only talked about some of the MAIN greek gods thus far and the project was sort of an independent learning thing) and why Nyx needed to be a character in his project, and “wait, you two are working together?  IIIIIII didn’t know the two of you were friends, how come you rarely talk during my class?”  like in hindsight I think the teacher spotted that the kid was up to some social engineering and was probably getting a laugh out of it // thinking “omg real life meet cute?”  “holy shit the mad-lad”

so yea ..  i literally dont even remember which story we did a video rendition of---  all I remember is I was Nyx and that meant I was fucking Awesome and got to brood around and say dark melodramatic lines while hiding under a black cloak.

tbh i think that was the only group project i  ever got to be the “didnt do any work” kid in!

[extremely-nervess]

What's Nimue's backstory?

This is long, and I am not very good at writing, but a TLDR feels like it doesn’t get the mood across so.... read further at your own risk of cringe and bad grammar. “My father won’t say it, but I see how he suffers. He longs to return to the stars, and brother’s death weighs on him… and this thing, with me… it weighs on him too. The king calls, and all of the banners must answer... I am surely bound for the ‘hospitals’ of Quirren… It shouldn’t, but it scares me more than father going off to war.”

A tear falls to the silver inlaid floor of the greenhouse and my vision blurs, granulates in a dance of shimmering lights and for a moment the Sunkite sigil beneath my feet looks more like a depiction of radiant gemstone. The headaches, the visions… they are getting worse. When I have completely lost myself, will I know it?

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It’s one of those days, where it is hard to tell what ‘when’ it is, and my mind is all stuffy. The inspection went as we knew it would, and my father was given six months to give me over to Containers. I can hear talking - my father, and a woman. A woman who I know I will go away with, even though I can’t hear what they are saying, and she is not a Container.

The door opens and the enter, the lines on my father’s face seem deeper than ever, but in his eyes a glimmer of something I have not seen for some time. “Darling -” he starts, indicating a stern looking woman dressed in white suits. “This is doctor Morgan.” The woman bows, she must be a lowblood, but her movements are stiff and proud.

“Fey Morgan.” She affirms.

“The doctor says she can help us, help… you…” He nods to her.

“I believe I can treat you, lady Solfare - protect your mind from this decay.”

The lurch of hope in my stomach must have shown on my face because she smiles.

“It will not be easy… you will have to give up much - your body, but, we will make a new one - a better one, safe and free of disease and pain.”

“My… body?”

I can’t help but raise a hand protectively to my sternum. She nods.

“I will explain properly later, but, once it is done you can be you, you can be free”.

As if encouraging me, my vision dances with coloured blocks, and in a moment the room is white, white like her clothing, sterile, clean, the image of a light shedding stone etched into the ceiling. I blink and it is gone.

I know that I will agree, because I know that I go with her, but it is an easy choice… I don’t want to go mad, I don’t want to die.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

For the first time in I can’t say how long I can feel again, a heavy, cold body. Stiff and new. A voice, soft, feminine speaks “Core connected, all diagnostics green, relinquishing frame control.” It is my voice - my body. I feel calm, detached... It is strange but it all seems distant to the knowledge that I am cured. The darkness flickers as my eyes come online, a rapid blur of text reports, balance aids and other ui overlay my sight as I will them open and look up at a cool, clean white ceiling, embossed with the familiar image of a radiant gemstone.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It does not hurt - my receptors have been silenced, but the cluster of warning indicators and stuttering drone of my voice reporting damages tell me as much as agony ever could. I turn my head, struggling to look at the shell that took me from the air. A wire sparks in my neck at the motion and my vision pixelates and blurs in mess of colored granules and for a moment the shell is a heavy mining pinion, still trailing its enormous tether that keeps asteroids close to the facility. The fingers of my ruined hand jut up from the pulverized rock beside it. I am notified of emergency shut down as I look up at the mining base...mining base? The flickering blur of pixels washes over it again and the arms depo is as I recall - burning and broken. I feel an emotion of confusion, worry, mistrust begin to press on my logic as my vision begins to darken and I lose sensation of my body.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A blur of red warning text flashes first, fragmented in some places, the usual visual overlay I have grown so used to fuzzy and jumbled. I open my eyes to the roof of repair bay 12, trying to sort through the lengthy damage report, but my systems struggle, and the worry and confusion I had felt earlier clouds my logic circuits. How long had it been, fighting in this war? I can’t tell. My memory access must be damaged because battles I don’t recall are there, rent by pixelated errors and flashes of color - Frighteningly familiar. I turn my attention away, unsure how to process the emotions surfacing in my core and dedicating them to a subprocess.

Sound - voices. Repair technicians. Good - I clearly need it.

“The great Solfare hm? They ever figure out what happen to him?”

“Nope, all the vets still telling the ghost story - the famous Sunkite, vanishing without a trace.”

“It's been four years now, you’d think they’d move on.”

‘The Sunkite - my father’s ship, familiar but… missing…. Four years ago?’

My father had visited me 10 days ago, just before the strike on the ammo depo. I struggle to understand, and the subprocess trying to sort through my emotions informs me that I am experiencing terror and confusion, and I feel it being to affect my logic. Logic telling me that as I am synthetic, all I know, and all I experience is decided by others.

[lunartearrose]

Ok... im gonna be serious for a sec here...

Its so tiring to see so much drama in fandom spaces

Like first there's the fact that hey, people have to fucking stop obsessing over people, digging, stalking, doing all this shit to people who don't deserve it. Do your own research, know your facts, and know when to quit. Its almost like people get pleasure from drudging up muck on others and its sickening. Block, move on. I'd understand if there was a huge, major issue, but especially if you've got your facts wrong you're only ruining the day of another human being over and over. The block button is easy and free. It pays to distance.

Like seriously some of y'all are staight up stalking people like you're out for blood, stalking twitter handles, screening twitters and tumblrs and hell even more personal places and where blogs have gone when ive never even seen proof of any claims prior. Many others havent either and even worse some blindly follow. Its not funny or cute or a spiritual duty to oggle at these individuals this is just horrible and if you really, honestly get joy from driving people away even after they correct their problematic behaviors or follow your tips because they were non the wiser on a subject, there's something wrong with you. If you're obsessive like that, with a non forgiving never forgetting policy, just don't even interract. Re-evaluate what you're doing here. People grow and change and its ignorant not to believe that. If people never changed, we wouldnt be where we are as a world.

And second, the drama of bringing it up over and fuckinng over again. Neverending. I thought ive seen the last of the talk of this person but hey!! Here it is again! Right in my face! This gets so tiring and i can speak from experience when i say drama over something as a fandom, ship, headcanon or whatever just makes people lose interest.

It disheartens it disgusts after a while even until theres so much bombshells to have to watch after that, and you feel you can barely move. There's probably other people that feel this too who are more watchers, and even if you are/think you're doing good by spreading info there's a point where it goes to be too much. You drive people away, it makes nobody wanna have a say or interract. I personally have dropped interest in many a thing for this reason. This person's bad, that's cringe, that's not correct even if it the majority headcanon isn't real, incorrect even if the headcanon is rare! Like seriously, unwind. You can dream and like all you want! Just don't start shit or start lying about other people because they disagree! This or that, that or the other thing, it makes me wanna roll up a paper and smack you very gently on the head because, im angry, but im not violent! Its just so much endless back and fourth because nobody can let go, and people try to drag it out and just aah, how do you still listen to yourselves type? Speak? How are you not tired of an endless debate that you keep going back to?

Look, i used to kind of be that way with ships. I used to hate a popular, nonproblematic few for no reason other than i didn't like the chemistry of it, or it made me think of bad things personal to myself, and i used to bash. But someone who is currently like one of my best friends pulled my head outta my ass and was like hey! Thats not cool! Chill! And over time, with their help, in some ways, i unwound and saw that what i made myself hate wasn't bad. It was chill, and now if they asked me for a doodle of something they liked cuz they were down I'd do it woth a smile. People are as numerous and varying as stars in the sky, and nobody will think exactly like you do, so don't try to snuff them out or change them if they don't want to. Informing and forcing are two different things, with a very fine and defined line between.

Ships and headcanons that are good are good. Popular ones are fine, so is straight, so is gay, bi, lesbian, trans, polly, platonic, rarepairs, crossovers, tasteful ocs, not really going with theme or order, those are what i talk about when i say its fine to like and let people like! If you have comprehensive skill and know what im saying and arent gonna be like, "ah, so you advocate for *insert horrible thing i obviously never meant*!!! Disgusting for shame!" Then you must understand!

I guess, the TLDR here would be this: Unwind. Take a breath, try please try to get along with someone, don't spread hate, see things from their perspective and if someone bothers you, and they aren't actively advocating for disgusting things and nothing can br proven but you still have that urk, please. For your and everyone's sake. Look at the block button. Press it. Breathe. I swear, things will be so much better if you just let yourself have peace. It's a simple act of pure self love.

Otherwise, you're only sitting there, endlessly trying to get fleeting enjoyment from meaningless, hurting drama. And nobody wants that suffocation in the end.

[commonwealthcass]

Hey! Just wanted to say love your work and was wondering if you went to art school. I've been having a hard time in my anatomy class, and the last class is coming up. I've been feeling incompetent about it, and if you did go to art school, if you ever struggled in an art class, what did you do to cheer yourself up? I'm trying to keep drawing but I hate everything I do, all I can draw is how sad I'm feeling. Any advice you can give will help.

I never got to go to art school because my family didn’t want me to and because it was too expensive. I’ve kind of just tried to awkwardly scribble my way into what Im currently doing, which is a bit further than where I used to be but still definitely has room for improvement. 

Art is rough sometimes. It’s rough when you feel like things aren’t flowing and when you’re stymied by things like making sure a hand is drawn correctly or perspective is right...and maybe sometimes it’ll be rough. Maybe somethings will be off...but think of it like Skyrim! Every single thing you work on is experience. I used to absolutely despise hands. i still do but I have more of a knack for how make them look now. If I look at my old drawings, it shows me how far Ive come along...even if I cringe a little since...man my tricorns just a year ago looked horrible.

One thing I’ve learned, by the way, is to make art for you. I know everyone says that and it sounds like such a platitude but it really is important. I have fun making the comics and translating what i have in my head onto something and seeing how people react. I feel like Im directing a movie and seeing scenes unfold (albeit extremely slowly). I used to have an ex who pressured me to do art for the sake of cash. The goal became to do art for cash and be able to churn out what I thought would be “good”...but in doing so, my stuff wasn’t really inspired and I just really burnt out. I’d look at my stuff that I didn’t have fun doing because I was just trying to meet a goal and then I’d criticize the heck out of it because not only was it not fun, but it had bunches of problems with it. I got so caught up in that that “drawing for me” and “drawing for fun” didnt make sense anymore...I wouldn’t know what to draw or what would be fun...but it’s because drawing had become a chore and I wasn’t focusing on things that I liked anymore. Comics I drew were based on jokes and things my ex found funny and they weren’t me and I kept focusing on making something perfect instead of enjoying and really putting my heart into something I liked. 

Sometimes what helps is just actually relaxing and being able to have fun. Play some video games or listen to music or watch movies. Maybe something will inspire you or a scenario will pop into your head that’s fun and you can draw it. One cool thing I love about tumblr is the fact that this community allows for us to interact with each other. Going back and forth and having ocs meet each other and anticipating what the other person is going to draw or say in response to your piece is something that gets me excited to draw.

TLDR: We all have bad art days and days when we feel like even with all the effort we put in, we aren’t able to get stuff to look the way we want. That’s fine and part of getting better. Feel free to take breaks and relax and play around with ideas. Don’t worry about things not being perfect and feel free to explore and have fun with friends. 

Also basically this Bojack gif. Maybe not every day but consistency helps!

[thesanguinecrow]

just gonna vent about my day under here

ive already vague posted about it but i kinda just wanna get it all clear n out

lowkey thinkin of making a personal journal blog thang cuz i like posting into the void as an outlet

and of course you dont have to read this if you dont want to (its hella long too though i put a tldr). i wish you well regardless <3 

again its entirely up to you if you wanna read this. im not in any grand detriment and will be able to handle my situations just wanna express some stuff in words, release some pressure to not have it all be inside

tldr: romantic dullness/exhaustion, cant use the parking pass i bought today bc step dads truck broke down so he using my moms car shes using mine i have to walk to school n being able to go to work/interviews is looking impossible, money is tight, changing coins into cash was difficult (heavy, took a long time, spilled some coins, lost like 36 in service fee), stomach bein sensitive

ok so this kinda starts off from my train of thought from yesterday n i felt that feel where its like am i rly gonna find anyone i can genuinely vibe with and feel like !!<3 all that love stuff and when i opened myself to see how i felt towards people in that sense it all kinda felt dull and cardboard-y.

i feel like ive put out too much romantic interest and im cycling back into a low period and having more disinterest

in my french class ive moved my seat to sit next to a guy i think is cute. 

ever since the first time we spoke when we had to pair up with someone we never talked to yet in the class the vibe was v chill n like we were already buds and my aries mars is becoming bolder and i was like okay why not lez go. its been cool sitting next to him and we have our meme moments and our laughs.

today my fiend sat next to me and i could just bee insecure and jealous but the guy, who sat on my other side, complimented on her eyelashes and yeah (ik ik its like \__!__/ and i have no control over other ppl free will but yknow i gotta fancy on this guy

though today the luster has faded from him pretty hard

we were talking about french terms for family members and like widow and stuff was one of the terms (i dont remember exactly as it came up but) and he was putting out that lmao im single and lookin for some nice nice ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) and the whole vibe was just off putting

when class ends we usually talk a little bit till a couple steps out of the door and we go our separate ways but today i had to go to the cashiers to buy a parking pass so i walked with him more

when we left the building he like projectile spits into the dirt and for me the whole like idk what to call it but the sound of gathering the spit n stuff y’know like that absolutely makes me cringe so i was just there like

so any way i go to the cashiers to (finally) buy my parking pass

thankfully since we moved im now within walking distance of my school but its like ide rather not. i sweat easily, a lot, and its so cal sunny weather is almost constant. for the past like 2 weeks ive been parking as close as i can to the school in the residential area and walked the rest. (you still need permit like 4 blocks from the school) so i was glad to finally get my pass to park across the street.

until my mom told me this night that my step dads truck broke down (its an old used car with a lot of miles on it the engine wasnt actin right) so now he has to take my moms car and shes gonna take my car. thus i gotta walk all the way from home to school. im mad that like the day i buy my pass is the day i loose the ability to take my car to school. tomorrow imma see if i can still refund my pass.

this is throwing a wrench into my activities bc ive been riding on three job interviews and now idek if i can make it to work especially on a basically on demand basis (bc part time seasonal work be like that) i already interviewed for two and canceled the third

over all losing the functionality of one of our vehicles, work not being ideal, and me losing my mobility has thrown me back into financial anxiety and put a damper on my mood.

other unfortunate events today have been my stomach being sensitive to most anything and having to go exchange my step dads coins into cash

at some stores (like vons, ralphs, cvs) they got this machine called a coin star. you feed in your coins, they take a processing fee, you get a cash voucher, and cash it at the register to get your bills. 

my step dad had $300+ worth in coins and it was heavy.

part one of this poor experience: there was some random stuff up in the coins like safety pins so the machine jams i needa call the manager he clears it up we good

then i spill some of the fucking coins and i loose some under the machine. two other employees helped me pick up the coins thankfully

then i just was standing there for hella long and my hands got dirty from handing all the coins. i was probably there for almost an hour. my feet were starting to swell up n turn red from standing in place for that long. the wait then continued as i waited in the register line to cash the vouchers (one from the jam, one from the machine auto stopping bc we had to pick up the coins, and the final voucher after feeding everything in) and i waited for another while in the line at starbucks for my reward drink. 

also like coinstar takes like 11.5% fee and like oof with what i had it took like 36 dollars in fee

so like yeah that was my day

[datingadviceonreddit]

Prepare for wall of text.So first, I’ve never been in a relationship before, I was very close in middle school, but I wasn’t interested so I kind of just ignored the girl (retrospectively it was a huge dick move), but I overall had a regular middle school relationship with girls. When I got to high school though I went to a small school and I was kept busy with sports and grades for most of the time, and I had a really small class which was ¾ guys, so I didn’t really talk to girls that much in high school. So, I was super awkward with girls going into my freshman year. Its progressed but slowly to the point where I feel almost normal now but when it comes to anything romantically I'm as developed as a middleschooler.So, let’s call her “Claire” last year stops me on my way to class and randomly talks to me saying “You play volleyball right” (my team won last year for rec and I’m very good because I played a bit of club as a kid) and Claire asks if she can be on the team. Now at the time I have this huge crush on another girl, let’s call her “Mariah” so I’m not really that interested but I tell her yea and add her to the team anyway and she gives me her phone number, so I can text info. We play co-rec together and I invite her to some pickup games we do, and she adds me on snapchat about halfway through the season. Near the end of the season I get over the Mariah by focusing on myself (working out, practicing piano, etc.). After volleyball Claire would sometimes comment on my stories and I would do the same and I would always try to open it up to more conversation, but she would usually just respond with a short reply, so I assumed that she was disinterested so I stopped after a few replies into the conversation. Now to be clear, we did not talk daily, it was about one time a week and it was very superficial so even though we’re “friends” I don’t know much about her, but this continued up until the summer. As school starts up we start talking more, mostly about volleyball but a little about the summer, still over snapchat and usually with her initiating it.One day she invites me to a fundraiser at a restaurant and I reply that I would probably go if I’m not busy. So, I show up to the restaurant and I say hi when I see her she then proceeds to come over and give me a hug (which definitely surprised me at the time) and then invites me to go sit and eat with her. I sit down and eat my food with her and we talk for like about an hour and having dinner. I learned a lot about her and her personality which is what really starting me getting attracted to her. Don’t get me wrong she’s good looking and herself athletic but when she was talking about herself is what really enamored me. We finish our food and we say goodbye, and when I go to my car I tell myself that I’m going to get over the hump I’ve never crossed and ask her on a date because I think I’m reading the signals right. The next day I’m invited to go to a bar with a whole bunch of my friends. Now, I do drink but I’ve never been close to drunk and I mainly go to go country dancing which I enjoy because I get to interact with girls lol. I think to myself that this is probably a good time to ask her, try to impress her with my two-stepping ability, and just hang out. I work up the courage and eventually ask her before I go to a dinner. She replies with something along the lines of “I was thinking about going before cause a friend of mine has a birthday but I decided not to cause I have to study for a midterm. I’ll think about it though” Now it does sound like a bullshit reply, and it very well might be. But when I talked to her at the restaurant one of the qualities that made me really attracted to her was that she was a very hard-working personality (like honor roll every year in a very hard major) I reply with some nice guy bullshit of “Well I’m going around 11 if you want to go lmk but I understand if you want to study”. I then go to what basically equates to a mentoring dinner with people from my church and some of my friends that we have every Sunday. She then randomly shows up at the dinner much to my confusion because I didn’t know we shared any mutual friends. I’m kind of surprised but I go up and sit by her about a quarter-way through the dinner. When I kind of knew she was preparing to leave I asked her if she had decided if she would go or not, she said “no, I really need to study” with what I assumed was a genuine disappointment (but that may be bullshit because I can’t read girls for shit).After that night our communication kind of dipped because she stopped replying to my snaps and when she did would do ”oh lol”, or “I don’t know general answer here”. At this point I’m like, welp I fucked up boys, and try to let her initiate contact because I hate creating conflict and seeming needy. About a week later she asks when is the team going to practice volleyball, which I responded that its not possible for complex reasons(true reasons), but if she wants to pepper then I’m down. She says yes, and we make set up a time later in the week. Come the time and she’s not there so I ask her if she’s coming, which she responds with something along the lines of , “I’m soooo sorry I completely forgot. I hurt my ___and don’t think I can play for a couple of weeks.” at first I took it as an excuse and she has zero interest in me whatsoever, but the injury ended up being real. Anyway, contact keeps the same and I try to start distancing myself before I get really attached to a relationship I know probably won’t happen. She stops commenting on my stories and about 100% of the things we talk about is volleyball. At this point I’m working towards the mindset of she just wants to be friends which I’m completely cool with despite being a little disappointed. I go to a tailgate one weekend and she comes up to where I’m sitting and kind of takes me by surprise. I revert to my high school days of mega cringe with girls and fucking give her a handshake. I then am like “Oh shit I’m sorry” stand up and give her a hug. Yes, cringy as fuck I know… but we end up talking for like 5 min and goes back to where she was tailgating with some of her friends.Now let’s forward 2 weeks to present day. I’ve barely talked to her for about 2 weeks and I feel like I’ve distanced myself pretty well emotionally. I’m doing something with my friends when I get a text from her saying, “Bring coffeeee”. At first I respond with “I think you texted the wrong person :laughing:”. Because I have never brought her anything and the only time we hung out alone was at that restaurant. She responds saying “No I definitely meant to text the right person lol”. At this point I’m confused the fuck out because we haven’t really communicated in like 2 weeks so I have 3 conclusions running in my head.She is interested in me and I’m stupid as fuckShe views me as a friend and just wants to hangShe’s using me for various reasons (free coffee, volleyball, hanging out)Just thinking about it for a short while made me feel like I regressed completely in my goal to distance myself emotionally. Regardless of what her intentions where, I was still going to get her coffee so I told her that I would get her some when I was done with my activity. I get the drinks and show up to the library where she’s been studying, I walk up to her say hi, talk to her for a little bit, then I say that if she wants to study alone I can leave, but she says that she’s been alone for 5 hours and wants company. I stay and talk with her for about an hour, let her rebound ideas off me and just talk about stuff. She gets to the point where she wants to leave, and I offer her a ride back our apartment complex. Keep talking all the way there and then part when we have to change direction, she thanks me for the coffee and company and I respond with something like “No problem I enjoyed it”. And that’s where I am now. I’m still a bit confused what to do. Now I’ll admit, I do want a relationship, but not to the point where I obsess over it. If the opportunity arises then I’m completely down, but I can live without it.Am I reading the girl right and she doesn’t want a relationship and just wants to be friends? Or am I just socially retarded. I think after volleyball is over I’m going to ask her regardless because we are both graduating. Anyways, thanks guys!TLDR: I’m getting mixed signals from a girl, am I a naive or am I reading it right via /r/dating_advice