#tka ask

[audriel]

hi audriel! Didnt know you had tumblr and had to double-check. I really love your fangrui fics on ao3! I noticed some were taken down? And thank you so much for always posting fangrui pics on discord!! Really appreciate it. Really like how approachable and friendly you are on discord, feels like talking to a friend who you can gush about fandom stuffs with, hope you have a good day ahead!

questions, when did you first started to like qzgs, and what made you do it? What are your top 3 fav chars? Did it ever change? What do you like about them?

hi anon! actually, i made my ao3 and tumblr account almost at the same time, so you're safe! i joined discord pretty recently, that's why i unfortunately lost my chance to use the name audriel there >_<

another fang rui lover! thank you! i'm glad you like them! <333

i'm just so happy that i found people who loves qzgs to gush over together. and to spread all the fang rui love. so thank you for being so kind and welcoming! it took quite a lot of courage for me to finally ask to join the server, and participate actively. it's thanks to everyone in the discord.

are you asking the moon in autumn? it's still there, but only accessible for ao3 users since it's a long fic, and i do have concerns for data scraping for fanfictions. if let's start thinkin' bout it gets long enough, i might end up doing the same. i might only unlock them for few days when there's a new update.

now onto your questions!

i'm pretty sure it's due to the pandemic. since i started to read a lot of korean webtoons/manhwa that's almost always adapted from webnovels, i ended up reading a lot of them during that time (there was not much to do but stay at home after all). however, they were very rarely completed. oh the horror. so i looked for recommendations and there was quan zhi gao shou/the king's avatar on the list. it's highly rated and reviewed, and it's completed! even though it's chinese webnovel and not the genre i usually read (online games, more so professional gaming), so i gave it a try, and boy i'm so very glad i do. i'm hooked.

it has everything i love to read in a story: a smart, powerful protagonist; rich, complex characters and world; and a wonderful storytelling.

the only downside? i'm late to the the fandom. QAQ

i think we all love ye xiu, it's no brainer right? he's perfect but also imperfect at the same time. his strength in character and in his belief is so admirable that i sorely wish i had a fraction of it. but at the same time as a protag, we didn't see much from his perspective. so he's not the character i resonate with the most. definitely top three, but not the top. qiao yifan was my best boi then. i can relate with his struggle the most. and i love seeing him learning and growing under ye xiu's wings. from the transparent tiny herb player to the most stable, reliable happy rookie. i'm so looking forward to the person he'll be in the future.

then there's fang rui. he's overshadowed by huang shaotian at first. huang shaotian is so lively, so distinctive, so difficult to look away from. so at the beginning my top three was qiao yifan, ye xiu and huang shaotian.

only on my reread that fang rui finally caught my eye. at first, he and huang shaotian look so similar and differ greatly with other oh so serious captains and god-level players in that they are bright and lively, and they are open with their emotions. but i end up thinking twice at the latter. huang shaotian is an open book, fang rui is not.

wait, wait are we reading the same novel?

fang rui feels like an open book, because we have seen his own perspective, we've seen his thoughts and emotions. but whenever we've got outsiders' perspective on him, fang rui is always playful even he performs badly. if anything, he acts out, hams it up, just like when he miscommunicated with mo fan or when he lost so badly that he sat in the corner to reflect. when he's troubled, most often he closes up, just like when lin jingyan approached him when tyranny dropped by or when he was so tired after beating xu boyuan.

meanwhile, huang shaotian can put up a public persona like the celebrity he is, but overall he doesn't really bother to hide how he feels, just like when he didn't want to talk after he lost in the finals and when he questioned yu feng after he went to hundred blossoms (even he got the first turn in beating up liu hao lol). in summary, huang shaotian is the real open book. we can count on him for being honest, and also being loyal. while at the same time, he's such an stealthy assassin and deadly opportunist on stage. it makes him such an appealing character and a favorite among the fandom.

but for me, the complexity and contrast of fang rui really caught my eye. that there's more to him that it meets the eye. which is admittedly my favorite type of character. it shows that he has an exceptional emotional intelligence, he understands emotions, his own and others, and he doesn't shy away from it, more so, he owns it. i have admiration for calm and composed characters, but i admire more those who obviously struggling with his emotions but still retain their calm and composure. and that fits fang rui to the t.

because damn, when we put it into context, fang rui has the hardest time in season 10. ye xiu (and qiao yifan) did have a hard time with their previous team, ye xiu can be also said as the reason for excellent era, his beloved team's demise. but the fans and later qiu fei gave him hope for the team to be reborn, then su mucheng joined him in happy, all he needs is to focus on the championship that he's back in the alliance. fang rui?

he has to leave his beloved team and account, then he transforms to a completely different class with a wholly new account, at the huge risk to himself, then he has to fight his former partner/mentor repeatedly until being the one to end lin jingyan's career. the latter feels dramatic, but considering how fang rui's performance is visibly affected by lin jingyan's decline, i'm not surprised if that's how it feels from his perspective. and yet... he gives himself the hardest time when he performs badly in the finals, for not giving his best for happy. he just wanted to return the trust given to him. even though he was exhausted, he still did his best to assure the team. i just... the moment i put things into perspective, i think fall in love right then and there, and there's no coming back from it.

so my current top three: fang rui, qiao yifan, and ye xiu.

i think there's a pattern right there. all three are happy. all three have transformed. all three have left their teams, not by choice. all have suffered rejections and come up victorious.

thank you for the wonderful ask! i don't mind if you have more questions! i enjoy it very much! i can do the same for you if you wish. just let me know!

[narina-vhey]

for the otp ask meme: hwq/xby/yx for 30, 27, 25, 23, 20, 19, 18, 14... honestly, i would probably listen to you ramble for all the questions. so, really, just take this as a free pass to ramble about hanyelan <3

Hehe, I will take any excuse to ramble on about hanyelan, so I think I will just do them all. So. Relationship questions for Han Wenqing/Ye Xiu/Xu Boyuan from The King’s Avatar.

1) Who rocks the Ferris Wheel seat and who flips out and begs them to stop?

YX rocks the seatm XBY yells at him to stop and HWQ actually stops him. Which gets him kisses from XBY

2) Who is always horny and will have sex at any time, at any place and at any time?

Xu Boyuan is the horniest, but he’s also easily embarrassed, so it wouldn’t be any place or time. I think Ye Xiu is the one who cares the least about privacy

3) Who is more into taking showers/baths together? Who tries to make it relaxing and who tries to make it sexy time?

I think they’re all pretty efficient at showering (but occasionally get distracted by each other) and will indulge in long baths together when they have the time.

4) Who likes to walk around the house naked and who tells the other to go put some clothes on?

Han Wenqing walks around naked, but the other two don’t tell him to get dressed. They enjoy the view too much. Also it doesn’t happen often because they don’t want to have parts sticking to their chairs when gaming, so they are dressed most of the time

5) Who sleeps on the couch when they get into a fight?

Ye Xiu, but it won’t really be an actual fight, I think. Or if it is they always manage to communicate properly and make up. But Ye Xiu is a menace and will escape his boyfriends ganging up on in revenge him by taking the couch

6) Who takes photos of the other while they sleep?

Both Han Wenqing and Ye Xiu take pictures of Xu Boyuan, except all you see is a blanket burrito. Xu Boyuan has at least one picture of the other two asleep on the couch, tangled up uncomfortably because they fell asleep gaming

7) Who said “I love you” first? and who ends their arguments in a fight with “Because I love you”?

Han Wenqing said it first and again, I don’t think there’s real fights? Idk, they probably argue more for the fun of it, not because they have a huge disagreement or anything

8) Who likes to wear the others sweatshirts?

Xu Boyuan and Ye Xiu

9) Who wakes the other up in the middle of the night to tell them a cool dream they had? Who has the most nightmares, and who sings them back to sleep after?

They won’t wake each other up in the middle of the night, but they will talk about cool dreams in the morning. If there is a nightmare, they will cuddle each other back to sleep, but no one has more than the others.

10) Who is more likely to cheat?

None of them

11) Who makes fun of the other for having a crush on them, and who has to remind them that they are in a relationship?

Definitely Ye Xiu with the making fun of it. Both Han Wenqing and Xu Boyuan groan at that.

12) Who starts a food fight in the kitchen?

No one, they eat properly

13) Who initiates duets? and who is the better singer?

Can’t see that happen, but maybe that is a me thing? Do people randomly start duets? Except to sing along in the car?

14) Who starts the hand holding? Who grabs the others butt? Who slides their arm around their waist? Who likes to put their fingers in the belt loops?

Ye Xiu is the butt grabbing, Xu Boyuan the hand holding. Everything else is mostly Han Wenqing, he likes to hold them.

15) Who likes writes the others name on their wrist?

what. Is that a thing people do??

16) Who is more seductive when they are drunk? and who is louder in bed?

None of them can hold their alcohol, they all just pass out, sorry. Xu Boyuan is the loudest

17) Who is more protective?

Han Wenqing and Ye Xiu. They sometimes argue who is better at it but Xu Boyuan doesn’t have an answer, he just thinks it’s very hot

18) Who talks to the other while they are sleeping?

Uh, I think after they retire from the pro scene, they mostly have the same schedule and all sleep at pretty much the same time. And if they do work different shifts, they will let each other sleep

19) Who drives and who has the window seat?

Han Wenqing drives, Xu Boyuan gets the passenger seat, Ye Xiu gets banned to the back

20) Who falls asleep in the others lap and who carries them to bed?

Both Ye Xiu and Xu Boyuan fall asleep in Han Wenqing’s lap. And yeah, he does carry them to bed.

21) Who cuts the others hair?

None of them can be trusted with it. Maybe Su Mucheng comes by to help out, otherwise it’s hairdresser time

22) Who is super bad at sexting? and who sends them encouraging messages throughout the day?

Ye Xiu adds in too much teasing and trash talk. I could see Han Wenqing doing little encouraging messages, not many though. But mostly they’re all spending their time inside and working from home, so they can just tell each other in person

23) Who thinks they are not good enough for the others love? and who’s more afraid of loosing the other? Who thinks they keep messing up, only for the other to tell them they don’t need to worry?

Xu Boyuan is definitely the most insecure. Ye Xiu tries to overplay it, but he is scared of losing them and they all kind of reassure each other

24) Who starts random slow dancing with the other in the kitchen? Who holds the other just above the ground and kisses them?

This is another thing I don’t believe people actually do. Although Han Wenqing will lift both of them up to kiss them. There’s just no random slow dancing

25) Who says shitty puns and sex jokes just to see the other giggle and blush?

Not for that purpose, but Ye Xiu. Except it sometimes backfires because Han Wenqing will reply with some actual dirty talk and deliver it so perfectly it shuts up even Ye Xiu. Xu Boyuan is always impressed (and horny)

26) Who kissed first?

Han Wenqing took the initiative

27) Who orders take out at two in a morning? and who wakes the other up at three in the morning to go downstairs with them to get a glass of water because it’s too dark?

If they work night shifts, they all order take out together. None of them need company to get water

28) Who writes poems/stories and love songs about the other? Do they sing the songs the write for them?

?? no

29) Who does some crazy stunt to try and impress the other and who ends up driving them to the emergency room after it backfires?

None of them do, because they don’t want to risk injuring their hands.

30) Who is embarrassed when they have to wear their glasses and who thinks they look super cute?

Xu Boyuan is vain and mostly wears contact lenses, but Han Wenqing and Ye Xiu love it when he wears glasses

Thank you for the excuse to write about them :D Although some question were a little weird. Or maybe I am weird for not being like that

[sicc-nasti]

Send to 10 other bloggers you think are wonderful. Keep this going to make someone smile! Add a heart so we know how long the chain's been going! ❤️🖤💖🤍💚💛💗💙🩶🩵🤍🤎💟💜❣️❤️‍🩹💝🫀💖♥️💘❤️‍🔥💌🩷💚

GRAHHH THANK YOU <33333333

💜

[klywrites]

let mira break up with juan over a disastrous round of a board game, lmao.

Not you advocating for them to split!! 😂😂😂

Okay to be fair, they're in an open relationship and frequently on/off so... it's plausible

But over a boardgame?? It's so petty loll I need to see this (in my brain)

[mejomonster]

Someone tell me if The Kings Avatar is in any way similar to as gay as dmbj is???

[tka-calendar]

Hello, are you going to use / allow both novel canon and live action canon?

Yup! Both of those will be allowed, as well as from the animated show.

The calendar is to celebrate tka in all forms :)

[syncogon]

i can't believe it's already 'my fave e-sports player got wrongfully dishonorably discharged from video games' day in real life... time passes so fast

right?? 😭

[boylikermenlover]

Black-Eyed Susan: If you could be any animal for a day, what would it be?

Cardinal Flower: Do you believe in ghosts? 

Black-Eyed Susan: idk 😭😭😭😭

Cardinal Flower: yess !!!!

[senashenta]

This is an awesome party playlist but Aidan insists that Single Ladies by Beyonce be added because AHEM "it's really fun to shake your ass to." I question is taste but at the same time when it comes on the radio at work I find myself bopping along so I guess I should just shut up. :P

[queenharumiura]

❛  this  was  supposed  to  be  my  big  moment !  ❜ && fran is not satisfied either it seems kek

From Tenka’s meme [x] ||I do accept memes from other blogs if you’re curious enough to send lol|| @dyingresolve

“Well, doesn’t it suck to suck?” She sighs and starts filing one of her nails. Were you expecting an apology out of her, young tadpole? 

Think again. 

“Next time, give me a notice of what weird thing you’re doing and I won’t accidentally ruin your big entrance.” Haru shrugs her shoulders. It appeared that on a mission, she’d accidentally interrupted his entrance or whatever it was. Maybe he was monologuing to the enemy and she crashed the big ‘moment’. 

She wasn’t really listening much, so she didn’t know what exactly she ruined for him, but she wasn’t going to apologize. “You made me drop my cake last week, so I consider us even now.” 

Ignore the fact that she tried pummeling you after the fact. She was still mad about it, so seeing Fran so angry now-- well... it feels like justice. 

[oflgtfol]

im just taking the L on this assignment lmfao im so tired

[audriel]

Hii, audriel! I've been following your works on ao3, and I've wanted to know if you will continue to update let's start thinking about it. If you will, I'll be waiting for it. <33

Hii, anon! Thank you for following my works on ao3! About let's start thinking about it, since it's not initially intended to be multi-chaptered, the update will be rather slow going. I've got rough idea, but it's rather all over the place. I often get distracted not only by life (and work bleh), but also rereading the novel for *research* lol. So yeah, there'll be an update, but it'll take some time. I hope it won't be a long wait <33

[fatliberation]

I totally understand and can empathize with fat activists when it comes to medical fatphobia. But I do think its important to provide nuance to this topic.

A lot of doctors mention weight loss, particularly for elective surgeries, because it makes the recovery process easier (Particularly with keeping sutures in place) and anesthetic safer.

I feel like its still important to mention those things when advocating for fat folks. Safety is important.

What you're talking about is actually a different topic altogether - the previous ask was not about preparing for surgery, it was about dieting being the only treatment option for anon's chronic pain, which was exacerbating their ed symptoms. Diets have been proven over and over again to be unsustainable (and are the leading predictor of eating disorders). So yeah, I felt that it was an inappropriate prescription informed more by bias than actual data.

(And side note: This study on chronic pain and obesity concluded that weight change was not associated with changes of pain intensity.)

If you want to discuss the risk factor for surgery, sure, I think that's an important thing to know - however, most fat people already know this and are informed by their doctors and surgeons of what the risks are beforehand, so I'm not really concerned about people being uninformed about it.

I'm a fat liberation activist, and what I'm concerned about is bias. I'm concerned that there are so many BMI cutoffs in essential surgeries for fat patients, when weight loss is hardly feasible, that creates a barrier to care that disproportionately affects marginalized people with intersecting identities.

It's also important to know that we have very little data around the outcomes of surgery for fat folks that isn't bariatric weight loss surgery.

A new systematic review by researchers in Sydney, Australia, published in the journal Clinical Obesity, suggests that weight loss diets before elective surgery are ineffective in reducing postoperative complications.

CADTH Health Technology Review Body Mass Index as a Measure of Obesity and Cut-Off for Surgical Eligibility made a similar conclusion:

Most studies either found discrepancies between BMI and other measurements or concluded that there was insufficient evidence to support BMI cut-offs for surgical eligibility. The sources explicitly reporting ethical issues related to the use of BMI as a measure of obesity or cut-off for surgical eligibility described concerns around stigma, bias (particularly for racialized peoples), and the potential to create or exacerbate disparities in health care access.

Nicholas Giori MD, PhD Professor of Orthopedic Surgery at Stanford University, a respected leader in TKA and THA shared his thoughts in Elective Surgery in Adult Patients with Excess Weight: Can Preoperative Dietary Interventions Improve Surgical Outcomes? A Systematic Review:

“Obesity is not reversible for most patients. Outpatient weight reduction programs average only 8% body weight loss [1, 10, 29]. Eight percent of patients denied surgery for high BMI eventually reach the BMI cutoff and have total joint arthroplasty [28]. Without a reliable pathway for weight loss, we shouldn’t categorically withhold an operation that improves pain and function for patients in all BMI classes [3, 14, 16] to avoid a risk that is comparable to other risks we routinely accept.

It is not clear that weight reduction prior to surgery reduces risk. Most studies on this topic involve dramatic weight loss from bariatric surgery and have had mixed results [13, 19, 21, 22, 24, 27]. Moderate non-surgical weight loss has thus-far not been shown to affect risk [12]. Though hard BMI cutoffs are well-intended, currently-used BMI cutoffs nearly have the effect of arbitrarily rationing care without medical justification. This is because BMI does not strongly predict complications. It is troubling that the effects are actually not arbitrary, but disproportionately affect minorities, women and patients in low socioeconomic classes. I believe that the decision to proceed with surgery should be based on traditional shared-decision making between the patient and surgeon. Different patients and different surgeons have different tolerances to risk and reward. Giving patients and surgeons freedom to determine the balance that is right for them is, in my opinion, the right way to proceed.”

I agree with Dr. Giori on this. And I absolutely do not judge anyone who chooses to lose weight prior to a surgery. It's upsetting that it is the only option right now for things like safe anesthesia. Unfortunately, patients with a history of disordered eating (which is a significant percentage of fat people!) are left out of the conversation. There is certainly risk involved in either option and it sucks. I am always open to nuanced discussion, and the one thing I remain firm in is that weight loss is not the answer long-term. We should be looking for other solutions in treating fat patients and studying how to make surgery safer. A lot of this could be solved with more comprehensive training and new medical developments instead of continuously trying to make fat people less fat.

[andhumanslovedstories]

is there an appropriate time/way to contact one’s care team about post-op pain meds outside of the hospital? one of my parents had a TKA a few days ago and is in excruciating pain despite their meds but is hesitant to reach out to the dr about better pain management and i don’t know to advocate for them.

I gotta say, once you’re out of the hospital, you’re fully out of my area of experience. So I’ll say what general thoughts I got, and then I welcome answers from anyone with better expertise.

Is the patient reluctant to ask for more pain meds because they think they shouldn’t need them, because they’re worried they’ll get addicted, because they don’t want to be a fuss, or because they don’t want to get labeled as drug seeking? People are hesitant about pain meds for a bunch of reasons, it’s always helpful to know exactly what concerns your patient has.

From working with patients doing rehab in the hospital, I find framing pain control in terms of functionality is helpful. Pain is a nebulous concept and varies a lot from person to person. So saying “10/10 pain” is not always as effective as saying “my patient literally will not reposition in bed nor allow me to touch them because they are in agony.” Or being like “my patient would literally rather soil themselves than try to stand up to pivot to the bedside commode.” You link insufficient pain control to an observable limitation. The patient is also able to do this for themselves. What is pain stopping them from doing? Does this patient have PT/OT? Are they able to do it if they are in excruciating pain? You could frame pain med parameters to provider and patient as “what dose/type of med is sufficient to facilitate recovery so the patient doesn’t keep needing pain meds.”

Being able to link medications to observable problems and outcomes is helpful for everyone. Saying “patient was in 7/10 pain and is now in 5/10 pain,” sounds objective, but it’s actually not. That’s the number the patient gave you, it’s ultimately their perception of the pain—useful and good to know, but not by itself the most compelling metric. Adding “patient was unable to walk more than a foot due to pain and is now able to transfer from bed to bathroom and back,” is a more complete clinical picture and gets more to the heart of pain control—pain stops people from living their lives. It is an impediment to function. Pain relief through pharmaceuticals is one way to restore function while pursuing other methods like exercise, decreasing fear and anxiety, and improving sleep.

All this to say, I find more effective communication about pain control frames it less as being pain free (or even decreasing pain) and more about restoring what pain takes away (movement, sleep, ability to participate in therapies, ability to independently perform ADLs). That provides more context to requests for pain meds, establishes a more concrete metric for success, and helps sidestep the emotional and “moral” aspects of pain (that both patients and providers can feel) by focusing on pragmatic function.

[klywrites]

how much french did you need to research/study to create the fantasy french names in RS?

None because I live in Canada where we are taught Canadian French up until... 9th or 10th grade? (the cut off may have changed now since I was in high school)

I've forgotten 90% of my French because I've never had to actually use it... but the "French" in RS is bare minimum anyway. Like you mention, it's just a handful of names, which are simple to create once you've seen enough words

[jessaerys]

your fav mello/near fics??? thank yeww (also love your drawings!)

oohh this reminds me i should pick up my ff.net archival reclist project up again...

it is of note that it's been a looooong while since i've combed the archives and there's a couple of common tropes i don't usually read due to personal taste, so i'm sure there's a lot of good fic i'm unaware of and/or forgetting about! this has totally renewed my interest in making a comprehensive personal reclist >:) perhaps i'll come back and edit this post every now and then.

i owe comments to nearly everyone mentioned here i am SO sorry. it's a lost skill that i am working on developing again. at the very least i've got everyone in one place so i can go down the list this year. i encourage everyone reading from this reclist to leave a comment too!

i wrote "off the top of my head" but this got VERY long so under the readmore it goes

obligatory classics

• the famous @tierfal 's sidetracked (2010) and full of surprises (2009). rated e and m respectively. these are like the allegorical little black dress in the wardrobe of the platonic ideal of the mellonear oneshot. seem to be pretty well known across the ship fandom • stripped (2009) by blueberryash/@tka-trashfire on tumblr. explicit. i haven't read this in a while but i remember it capturing the delicate gossamer tension of the ship in a way that was sooo bittersweet and nostalgic. • to speak of rules and privilege (2008) also by blueberryash/@tka-trashfire, gen, a manifesto on tenderness, soooooooooo soft, changed the game, near being afraid of thunderstorms was immediately adopted into personal canon. big time influence for the way i write near and mello's pre-canon relationship re: big brother, little brother. • an understanding (2008) by blueberryash/@tka-trashfire, rated T, short and sweet, razor sharp prose, the aesthetics of the little piece live rent free in my head. • dual(2011) by ramasi, @ramasi here i believe. rated m. historians say this might be one of the first examples of mellonear choking kink ever recorded,

•scarification (2012) by gacrux11 on fanfiction.net, rated m, big time dead dove do not eat. sorry this one leans early 2010s era grimdark melodrama but i love it sjkdfkjfd. not enough dead dove fics about the boys if u ask me. • salt in the wound (2007) •tempus fugit (2007), and • white out (2006) by vaudevillain king on fanfiction. net. a beloved rare find. all of them are rather grimdark edgy products of their era, but some of the best the era had to offer. they make me so nostalgic for my teenagehood on fanfiction.net. i get the impression these might've been written even before death note was finished? • birthday smut (2009) by kleine_aster on livejournal. explicit. this one is SO funny to me because it is both really, really good, very in character, but unfortunately it suffers from almost satirical misogyny that afflicted fujoshis back in the day. near literally is like oh that bitch... like. he would not fucking think that but i can edit quickly in my brain as i read. bisexual mello rights! otherwise really sexy imo. i might be writing something that's kind of in conversation with this fic.

RARE finds

(please tell me if you enjoy any of these, i want to feel like an explorer that's brought back treasures from far away lands)

contemporary favorites:

• you've heard about it before and you will hear about it again: the archer ensnared (2023) by jabbernatty, rated e. a jessaerys obligatory syllabus read, the fic that made me go fulltime yaoi disease. i owe so much to jabbernatty they are my white whale my friend my enemy the writer i've psychically imprinted on from the beginning. honestly too scared to even leave a comment given the jessarys archer ensnared lore. may one day may contact and pray i don't come across as insane • postmortem (2023) by the_hemlock true gen, a favorite of ALL time. it's only tangentially mn really, it is 99% about near trying to piece together the mystery of lawlight post-canon, but the characterization and prose are some of if not the best i've ever come across. reads like it could be a piece of canon material. if you only read one fic on this list i'd pick postmortem. • it's friday i'm in love by neallo/@neallo rated m. possibly my all time fave in the neallo cinematic universe. something about the after-hours longing and the standing in the kitchen by the refrigerator lights, as the poets say. i love when stories feel like you're cutting out a window to peer into a larger universe that is just out of reach. perfectly captures what it is like to have a maddening crush • i want to hold you (hostage)(2023) by neallo/@neallo rated e. thee defining fic of this current modern mellonear era. manages to walk the line of kinky/sexy/sweet/fluffy all at once. plot twist of the century in the last chapter. near is properly as bananas insane as mello is in this fic, which is the marker of a good mellonear dynamic. really everything by morgan neallo is a safe bet for a great read • there's nothing i want but you (2023) by neallo/@neallo rated t. wammy's era mellonear obsessiveness that is soooo teenagery and yet a portent of just how codependent they might one day get. cute and ominous. • armageddon/kill game (2024) by bolide/@bolide-archive came out of nowhere a couple of months ago and ascended to the top of the game like a dark horse. rated m, chess au. one of my favorite interior mello narrations and one of the most similar to my own interpretation. such naturally talented prose. i rotate lines from this in my head all the time. still in progress but i have faith that it will be completed :') • how to burn down the sacred loom (2023) by dornishviper/@vriskarlmarx a contemporary CLASSIC. the less you know going in the better. beautiful prose, beautiful structure. they don't make fic like this anymore • the house always wins (2023) by mer_curia/@vivi-scera. screaming with my mouth closed. holds a special place in my heart given that it is my posting that convinced vi to give the ship a try, and i was rewarded with a fic that is so catered to my tastes i honestly had to read it through my fingers. SO good, the manifesto on wammyscest, so rather controversial. heed the warnings. • moonlight (2023) by tsukinousagi/@quicktimeeventfull rated t. an austere, cold little glimpse into a vampire au. it's giving let the right one in. so melancholic. one of the saddest near examinations out there. •proximity tells (2018) by abysmallypresent, rated m. truly lives up to death note's second-by-second minutia while managing to keep up the tension the entire time. great characterization. •silhouettes (2015) by bad blood/eroticcodependence, @wxmmyshouse on tumblr. unrated, post-canon compliant. made me CRY! elegantly short and simple, bittersweet and so so wistful. •arsonist's lullabye (2023) by tzviaariella/@tzviaariella. rated t. this one has a heart-wrenching air of realism to it that exists outside the chaotic universe of death note, one of those examinations of picking up the pieces after the titans have all gone away. very bittersweet.

honorary mentions

• let's die somewhere prettier (2020) by firesafinething also one of my absolute favorites, unfortunately it is discontinued and it is likely it will never be completed. sad! the premise seemed SO promising. in my mind i file it right next to postmortem mentioned above. the exploration of the tragedy of 27 year old near we could have had in a better timeline. one day i will leave a comment so good maybe it will bring back the fic from the land of the dead • august underground by me & @firebuggg rated e, in progress. >:) (shamless self promo)