#titlj

[keitrinkomfloukru]

The horrors persist but for today at least I have homemade brownies. With browned butter even.

[keitrinkomfloukru]

Early 20s. That sure would be nice. Nothing hurts, I can walk from the bus stop to the grocer store without breathing hard, and I have enough energy to do hobby things.

the amount of letters in your full name is now your forever age. what is it?

[keitrinkomfloukru]

Well that's a bit on the nose...

[rook-seidhr]

Take it to LJ you dumb fuck

I haven’t read or posted to Twitter in years. Probably five or more. So when 40404 texted me with a tweet from someone I didn’t need to hear from, saying that they’d added a fourth to their closed relationship and were wondering how long after a negative test before they could go to fluid with contraception, it was not a welcome thing.

I have now turned off notifications completely and deleted that text thread, but I am crying and feel like someone just tore my guts out with a hook.

[keitrinkomfloukru]

my utter exhaustion vs my need to go to the grocery store, fight.

[keitrinkomfloukru]

I am really really not okay rn, please share cute images and good news stories.

[keitrinkomfloukru]

In the midst of a health crisis I also have to deal with renewing my housing assistance and inspectors who don't show up on time and then 'fail' my apartment inspection because I had the temerity to be at work.

all this on top of the 'can barely afford food' thing that's been going on since October of 22.

we have GOT to do SOMETHING to make existing while poor easier. Basic income maybe idk, but something, cus i'm not sure how much longer i can hold on.

[keitrinkomfloukru]

god same

controversial opinion but ive suffered enough and should get everything i want for forever from now on and also im pretty cute

[keitrinkomfloukru]

kikplei laik gonplei. taim yu gaf kik thru, taim yu souda gon daun.

deyon ai gonplei nou ste odon.

[keitrinkomfloukru]

I shouldn't need my tax return to replace shoes full of holes. Also I can't do my taxes. The service I've used for 20 years suddenly wants $120 for it, and any free options have so many layers of security theatre I can't prove I'm me.

2023 is turning into a real shit year.

[keitrinkomfloukru]

Almost a year of not being homeless anymore, and the sound of yard workers just outside my tent hidden in the bushes bedroom window still sends my anxiety soaring.

[keitrinkomfloukru]

I feel this. I had it pretty good, i had a tent hidden in some trees at the end of a mall parking lot. Despite some landscape workers definitely knowing I was there, and despite having nightmares about it on the regular, I was never hassled by the property owners or cops (regarding my campsite, I mean, I WAS hassled by cops when panhandling). I often felt--still feel--that I shouldn't complain, because so many people had it worse.

I still can't hear people working outside my apartment without having an anxiety attack, though. And my new doctor is pretty sure the breathing problems I've been having this year are linked to all the years I spent exposing my lungs to cold winter air.

Me: I guess I was technically homeless for awhile as a kid, but we weren't, like, really homeless? After we got evicted from our rental house, we had to stay in a small industrial warehouse that was being rented for storage by some family friends. Like, it sucked, and I wasn't allowed to go outside, and it was a huge secret I had to keep from everyone at school because my parents were terrified I'd be taken away by CPS, and if the cops or property owner had found us we definitely would have been in trouble, but, like. We had a roof over our heads. Does that count as homeless? I dunno.

My friends who have genuinely never been homeless, ever: ....that is not normal, holy shit!?!?!?!?!

Me: ...okay so I guess I was homeless, then.

Anyway, this is a reminder that homelessness encompasses more than just "lives in a box under an overpass." Like, yes, that is definitely a real experience with homelessness, but it isn't the only one. Homelessness can look like couch surfing, living in your car, living illegally in a rented storage unit, living in a tent at a campground, living in a motel room, or any number of other things.

(Also, impostor syndrome around homelessness is just about the weirdest feeling in the world, tbh. The "was I suffering enough to say I was suffering?" thoughts are eternal.)

[keitrinkomfloukru]

"Fire alarm going off. The idiot next door must be cooking again." --my neighbors, probably.

[keitrinkomfloukru]

Holidays suck when you’re homeless. Every place is either closed or packed. There’s nowhere to sit. :(

[keitrinkomfloukru]

All last night and this morning I was worried I might have a gas leak, but no my trash was just stinky.

[keitrinkomfloukru]

What I miss from livejournal is being able to put a header on my posts with my current music, (not real) location, and a little animated cat that indicated my mood.

Remember how LiveJournal let you have several icons (or avatars or "pfps" as you might call them now)? And you'd carefully choose an icon to fit the subject matter, your tone, and the blog on which you were commenting or posting?

And it could make your argument look that much snarkier if you used a rude one? Or you could use it to add a multiplier to a joke?

And icons, alongside banners and wallpapers, were a whole genre of fanwork with its own design language, conventions, and norms, including carefully crediting people for them?

That was neat.