#tis a vicious cycle

[dukeofthomas]

Every now and again I fall back into my delusions of the batfam caring for jason and wanting him back and loving him so so much and then I'm rudely and abruptly reminded of how much they actually just seemingly fucking hate him in the comics and I cry a little

[six-of-ravens]

anyway, brief list of things to do this weekend bc my brain feels like a brick of concrete:

potentially start a new stardew valley farm (just restarted acnh but I need More Escapism lmao)

potentially start planning my irl garden (it's so funny, every fall I'm like "gardening is so much work maybe I won't have one next year" and even every spring I'm like "I NEED TO FILL MY ENTIRE APARTMENT WITH DIRT AND SEEDS")

maybe make like a real nice recipe. I know we just made SO MANY perogies but also I want to like. make a big ol' meal again with some different flavours

pick up Homesick for Another World from the library. unclear if I'll start it right away or read more of Princess Jellyfish first, but I might as well pick it up. It's a short story collection so I can alternate between stories and manga

work on some budgeting, also maybe tax stuff (need to do some googling and find out if things that happened in January count on this year's taxes....some do and some don't. I hope they do though, so I can just get it over with). Also get a handle on some of these un-cancelled subscriptions lol

maybe finally finish rearranging the bookshelves, which have been half-sorted for weeks

do fucking yoga cause my neck is KILLING ME and yet I continue to procrastinate

[rigginsstreet]

i have an eye appointment tomorrow and i suspect the doctor will tell me im failing at having eyes

[neurogliadudette]

the conclusion of dostoevsky characters is no doubt loneliness but so is the assumption when you start any book

[helenofblackthorns]

honestly paris 1902 makes no sense, like there's not revealing things in a character's internal narration and then there's thomas in his own head acting like he never cared about alastair, only for him to pull an 'it was you all along' in the next book. like i enjoy their relationship obviously but the lack of consistency should not be happening at this level anyways the more i think about this series the more i want to rewrite the whole thing as a fun writing experiment

If I was capable of committing to project long term I would rewrite tlh so I get it, so much missed potential 😔

I so badly want to like Paris 1902 & I do to an extent but. Why is Thomas acting like he hated Alastair at the Academy like the rest of the Merry Thieves in his own narration.... like that's a blatant lie & it's never addressed (like you said, consistency? never heard of her) what happened to "I like his nonsense" Cassandra??? what happened?????

[noctilucous-sunni]

reading some old drafts bc i wanna see if theres anything i finished and can post but every time i read one im like damn why was this actually good… and then realizing i have to write more to read more 💀 😭 sigh. nooo. i want more of this story. but i don’t want to write it. im lazy and have no inspiration. whyyyyy.

[letstrywritingmaybe]

Me in the middle of trying to get my rl stuff together, but also some writing and suddenly hit with the thought that labyrinth is such a CoAi song. Idk why this just got to me so bad cause I’m not even writing the midnights album right now. But I just got the song in my head and all of a sudden I’m like this is so them

Update: I’m trying to be productive. Please just let me be productive so I don’t have to be upset anymore. I’ve calmed down a lot, and I’m trying not to let it consume me. And it really didn’t help that my teams lost today. So please just let me be productive. Let me finish this next chapter of Devour or maybe even finish IWICL

Update 2: I already shortened the sports AU I wrote for this month but Omm it really needs to be a whole thing and I just read something that makes it even better. Was anyone gonna tell me Mahomes is the team’s backup punter? Cause listen this is excellent on so many levels! And especially for this verse!

[dangerliesbeforeyou]

shitty visual of where i've been emotionally for the last 2 years lol

[ramshackledtrickster]

Day 26: Symbol

“Were we not meant to live in peace, then? Is that it? Are we born to argue? To fight?”

I picked the oroboros/self devouring snake as the symbol bc of its thematic ties to ac3, with the temple key being in the shape of a snake eating its own tail but also representative of the endless war between Templars and assassins and the continuation and perpetuation of vicious cycles.

If you see this, please consider donating to this fundraiser to support a family, and remember your daily click.

[meanbossart]

LORE ASK COMPILATION: "Still not banging Halsin, Squid Games, Sun King, Failing at love quizzes, Bottoms, Tops, and Cats" Edition

He didn't, Halsin wasnt around for act 3, too busy healing land and saving ghost children or something!

THANK YOU/I'M SORRY, I'm surprised there isn't more Bhaalist Dark Urge/Spawn Astarion stuff out there. Don't get me wrong, I love a good evil power couple, but who can resist the good ol'heartbreak of a vicious unending cycle brought on by your own senselessness!

That wasn't something I was interested in previously just because acquiring the slayer form isn't part of his canon, but I've been looking at enough fromsoft games' monster designs that I might be a little inspired to try LOL

Also I am just a fan of the canon design and never before thought it needed altering. But I'll let it cook ;)

God damn it.

DU drow was VERY antagonizing towards the emperor since the moment he dropped the facade, which made the attempt ESPECIALLY hilarious - that poor guy is so, so lonely.

I don't recall the exact wording in-game, but once the emperor took his shiny squid pecs out and shot his shot, DU drow recoiled and called him disgusting. After having the visions of Stelmane forced upon him to make whatever baffling point the emperor was trying to make, DU drow smugly asserted that he had finally let the mask slip and their very terrible date ended with the Emperor enforcing their reluctant need for one another, for the time being.

In-prose, that would honestly be pretty much it. DU drow would have reacted with absolute revulsion at the prospect of being hit on by a mindflayer, and taken the Emperor's (miscalculated) moment of lashed-out vulnerability as a win - as proof that he was exactly as duplicitous as he always assumed the Emperor to be.

I can assure everyone that I am as entertained by the thought as the rest of you and it is in the cards for future art, I just have... So many prompts... I have at least 5 different mini-comics I want to make, BESIDES singular pieces, BESIDES the fanfic... I wish I had more time and more hands.

But DU drow's unlikely semi-success as a parental figure is hilarious to me. I think about it constantly.

I haven't entertained that thought much because its antithetical to DU drow's character. Whether "good" or evil, he wouldn't allow Astarion to ascend because of his fear of no longer being needed and his reluctance to watch his partner be consumed by out-sourced power and changed into something he despises. Realistically, in a world where Astarion is allowed to ascend they could only break up and inevitably kill each other soon after.

That said, I am fascinated by the Sun King and the implications that path has for his character. So far that is an arc that I can only really see Astarion taking on alone, though - that might change in the future, might not. We'll see!

IF I CAN MAKE IT NOT ENTIRELY MISERABLE, I JUST MIGHT.

He got 2 out of 3 questions wrong - which is to say he was way too honest and Astarion didn't like that.

Except for the "when is he the happiest" question, which he correctly answered with "when he's neck deep in gore".

This is not even a lore-embelishment, this is actually how that scene went for me and I cackled about it for ages.

He would love to get tied up for old-times' sake. I doubt he knows much about fancy knots but Astarion might (though I might be in a minority that doubts his enforced "sex life" was actually that interesting at all.)

Thank you so much!

You are mostly correct. Bhaalist drow, both pre and post tadpole would be much more keen on the idea of having people around who fulfill their every desire - EXCEPT for killing. That is a joy they take on for themselves.

"Canon" DU drow values his independence a lot, on the other hand. He's neutral on the idea of slavery (what a sentence) and wouldn't be opposed to temporary servicing, but the idea of having someone around waiting for orders doesn't attract him at all, or at least would get on his nerves quick. He much preffers to do things himself and makes sure that other people see how much he does not need assistance.

The answer is yes, basically LOL.

DU drow both adores and despises Sceleritas presence and he doesn't know why. It very much reflects the type of relationship they used to have prior to DU drow's memory loss, and it's one of those things that he has conflicting feelings about but not any context for them.

I sadly doubt that the boys would become parents during Shadowheart's lifetime (it's for the best, they have a lot of work to do before I would trust them not to drop a baby), but honestly she strikes me as really liking kids as long as she doesn't have to, well, have them LOL.

And thank you so much for enjoying them and humoring me!

I think it is less about bottoming-topping and more about enjoying a more submissive role during sex, as well as in other scenarios. He believes that giving control away is, in a way, a show of devotion that goes both ways - his own for the willingness to do so, and his partner's for not taking advantage of it despite his wanting them to do so.

With one-night-stands (which he occasionally had pre-tadpole) he would still bottom without any of the submissiveness. This is because he didn't have the capacity to understand what it was about bottoming that attracted him, and led him to feeling constantly unfulfilled and frustrated (he just isn't build for no-strings-attatched type of arrangements, lol.)

This means that he really could operate either way depending on the partner as long as he got that fix of docility, whether it be from the bottom or top.

I think of Astarion as being similarly versatile but leaning more in the opposite direction when it comes to power-dynamics - though it being less about dominance itself and more about being pampered and catered to - and, of course, getting to do what he wants. Though he's willing to try most things a partner is particularly enthusiastic for just to see how he feels about it.

That said with DU drow he does prefer to top for a plethora of reasons.

I didn't have this piece of lore thought-up at the time, but I should have made them look like the lady he lost his virginity to.

Him and Astarion were gobbling those things up until the emperor reveal, then they both quit it cold-turkey after DU drow stomped the astral-tadpole dead (and back then you didn't have to roll any dice to do it, because otherwise we would have weird veiny DU drow to deal with for sure because he would NOT have suceeded that save.)

DU drow's feelings towards animals is a constant in every iteration of his character. They are organic little pieces of art wandering about the world that act upon their own laws and regulations, ones which humanoids aren't privy to - except for when they intrude into that world through magic and try to understand it through their overly-complicated systems and concepts. If a cat made the temple it's home, it can stay.

[dukeofthomas]

I also really enjoy seeing him with the batfam! My complaints are mostly about how his autonomy and boundaries are disregarded and ignored in favour of his family forcing him back, rather than him choosing to do so on his own terms. And it's never properly warned for, as people don't realize it's what they're writing, and then it just leaves me bummed out and angry at them instead of happy and fluffy like i wanted 😔

I hate the insistence in pushing Jason into the batfamily.

If he doesn't wanna go to dinner, he doesn't have to. If he doesn't wanna hang out with them, he doesn't have to. If he doesn't want to see them, he doesn't have to. If he doesn't even want to contact them, he doesn't have to.

It's so annoying to read fic and always see it presented as his Family Knows Better. Jason is just being silly by not realizing how much they love him and he just needs to let them break into his home and comms and life because they want him there.

[asapeveryday]

The Last Time Pt2

Paring: Paige Bueckers x Reader

Warnings: Mentions of sex/hooking up, casual culture, unnecessary miscommunication 😇

Summary: Months later,you attempt to distance yourself from Paige in hopes of calming down the intense feelings you harbour. Paige is uneasy from the intimacy of your relationship.

A/n: sorry guys this one is all plot…and the next one too I think. But dw it’ll be worth it in the end. Feel free to point out any mistakes !

Minors DNI under the cut!!

It was a mutual understanding you two had. Paige didn’t mean for you two to keep meeting for this long, but the unintentional intimacy the two of you shared with every linkup was enough to keep her craving.

Paige Bueckers can’t be tied down, especially with an NCAA championship on the line. Ball first and girls second. For you, you prioritized school above all else. The one day you went out to have fun, Paige set her eyes on you and it’s been history since then. First casual hookups in party bedrooms, then in her car on the way back from practice. Aggressive after a bad game or slow and sensual after a good one. You even visited her dorm when nobody else was home, and she had slept over at yours. it’s all fun.

Until Paige noticed you stopped texting first.

Paige Bueckers, who receives constant comments from thousands of people on the daily begging her to look their way, was constantly asking you to fuck??

“Nah…I’m not chasing.” She says, trying to convince herself more than her teammates.

Azzi scoffs. “This is actually embarrassing.”

“Lemme see!” KK attempts to grab Paige’s phone from Azzi, who swats her hand away. Paige rubs her forehead, exasperated.

“Holy shit!” KK practically screams. “No way this girls puss is so good she got you texting like that.”

Paige says nothing, but grabs her phone back and scrolls through her texts with you. Was it really that bad?

Her eyes graze over texts from the past 5 months. Every time it’s Paige asking to meet up.

“Yo, wyd?”

“Practice sucked. U busy?”

“Did u see our game? I feel like celebrating.”

“I’m picking u up in 5”

“Come over tmr?”

And you respond every time with some variation of yes or maybe.

That seems pretty bad.

Paige thinks back to the last time you guys met up. Despite your lack of initiative and your dry responses, you always showed up for her wet and ready, usually showered and shaved if it wasn’t short notice. You genuinely seemed interested in her life and she had become slightly infatuated with yours, especially since she only ever talked to you face to face. Plus, Paige knew for a fact you enjoyed every night you spent with her, she made sure of it.

It was a vicious cycle that she was stuck in. She’d meet up with you to fuck, then you’d entrance her with a fun outing, or a deep question. She’d have the night of her life, then throughout the week Paige would convince herself it was all casual. That she could stop whenever she wanted.

Paige told her teammates you guys were hooking up. She did not mention the late night talks and restaurant runs. Mostly because she never did that with the other girls, so KK and Azzi would probably get the wrong impression. Plus, she’s supposed to be focusing on basketball, not you.

“She prob has a roster or something.” KK shrugs. “Doesn’t seem like you’re the first priority to her if she ain’t texting first. You got yourself a playaaaaa!”

“Hold on though.” Azzi interrupts. “She responds to every booty call?” Paige nods. “Okay, so that’s not much of a player move on her part.”

“Maybe it’s not that deep.” KK says. “She wants a fun night with you, but not enough to text you. That’s it.”

“That, or she thinks you suck but doesn’t know how to say no.”Azzi says, smirking.

“It’s all casual anyways. No biggie.” Paige grumbles.

The truth is she’s not content with the fact that she’s not satisfying you enough to make you text her, especially since her roster is basically bare with the exception of you. When did that even happen? She shakes off the realization that she hasn’t had sex with anyone but you since you two met.

She wondered if you’d even had a night where you laid in bed and thought, ‘damn I wish Paige were here to fuck me silly.’ Because she would’ve been lying if she were to say she never thought of you. The proof was on her phone. She wasn’t gonna stand for this.

-

The actual truth was that you had those nights too often. The first time you hooked up with Paige was magic to you, she was a stranger who you wanted to know back to front. Something about the way she smiled like she knew everything she needed to about you.

And that freaked you out. Like, a lot.

You wanted to be casual, you really did. You hoped being casual meant you could be pleasured while detached and focused on your own goals, but it was easier said than done. The next dozen times you met up with her you hoped your fantasies would be flattened, but with every night in bed, or party escaped, or car seat reclined you only wanted her more. You couldn’t help but ask questions about her life. A life that was so different from yours. She didn’t seem to mind either. She wanted to hear you talk about where you hope to be after all your work pays off. She wanted to hear your dreams. You wondered if she did this with every casual hookup?

You decided to stop texting her, in hopes that she’d forget about you and move on to someone else, but every week without fail she’d texted you herself and then the cycle continued. You’d waited out your late night urges, and she would continuously seek you out. When you told your friends about it they weren’t much help.

“I wouldn’t text her.” One said. “You’re just gonna get more attached. This is Paige Bueckers we’re talking about. From what I heard, she just wants a good fuck. If that’s not enough for you I think you should find some nice girl who maybe isn’t a D1 athlete or something.”

“Maybe you should tell her you don’t want to see her anymore. She’s focused on her future. What happened to you being focused on yours?” Another said.

Your best friend was the only one who was remotely helpful. “I wouldn’t listen to them, they’re so obsessed with academics they forget how it feels to like someone like you do.” She smiles. “But if you’re not planning on telling Paige about how you feel, then I don’t think it’s good for you to keep meeting with her every time she asks you to.”

You thought about it. At first, Paige had made it clear she wasn’t into a relationship, and you feverishly agreed in hopes of focusing on yourself. Despite that, you sometimes felt her stare was a little too longing. The way she would happily be vulnerable with you didn’t seem very casual.

It didn’t matter about that though, because you also knew Paige wanted to be sought after. It was a miracle that she was still texting you, even though you hadn’t texted first in months. Soon enough her ego would get a bit too bruised, and she would end it herself. Maybe that was what you needed.

Then one day she did what you predicted. Laying in your dorm spread eagle, totally fucked out. You had just finished and it was late, but unlike Paige’s usual routine of staying in bed with you for a while, body squeezed comfortably into yours, fingers brushing through your hair, she immediately started to put her clothes back on. You turn to look at her with a questioning look on your face, and her face turned into an uncomfortable expression.

“Yeah, um. I don’t think I’m gonna see you for a while.” She says sheepishly.

You sit up. ��Oh.” Unsure of what to say, not wanting this to end but also not wanting to cling onto her.

“I mean you’re like, great. I just think, well.” She seems like she doesn’t exactly know what to say.

“I gotta focus on Basketball now, so this’ll be the last time.” Paige shifts on her feet.

You want to roll your eyes at the basketball excuse, but you know this is partially your fault. Paige is a confident person, and you challenged her by never showing too much interest. You just decide to give a tired smile and wish her luck in the upcoming tournaments.

“Thanks.” Her posture visibly shrinks, but she says nothing else and leaves.

As you hear your door close you feel a sinking feeling in your stomach. With the exception of your constant attempts to detach from her, confrontation free, you knew you couldn’t be happy.

You learned about her life as an athlete, the struggles of being a female basketball player, the ups and downs of media attention, all the fun she has on away tournaments with her teammates who are practically family.

At the same time she had intently listened to your ambitions, how hard you worked to get where you are and the next steps you have planned out to be as successful as possible in your field. That’s something you two had in common, ambition. You both mutually understood that being driven and working hard was an unbeatable formula to getting what you want, you both had cracked that code. The late night fast food runs were pretty good too.

Groaning into your pillow, you realized you made a mistake by trying to be detached. It shouldn’t have mattered what anyone said. You like Paige, a lot. Even if she doesn’t want commitment, you know for a fact she likes you too. Your life doesn’t have to be on pause just so you can focus on your career.

Letting out a big breath you didn’t know you were holding, you decided to do the one thing you tried so hard to avoid.

Chase after her.

[double--blind]

(SPOILERS) Ashley, self-esteem, and starvation

So, I adore Ashley. She's this intensely toxic, vicious, cruel, manipulative girl, and her psychology gives me hella brainworms. Andrew's not the only one whose head I wanna crack open and root around lol. She's thrown away the world just to keep her brother by her side, and she'll continue to do worse and worse for the same reason. She's pretty awful! I've been thinking about why, though. How did things get so bad? How did her soul get so dark?

We don't know everything (I'm waiting for those new eps patiently aND CLAWING AT THE WALLS AND FROTHING AT THE MOUTH but whatevs y'know whatevs I'm normal. I'm fine), yet what information we have been given is bumping around my brain like a DVD screensaver on hyperdrive

It's clear from the start that the roots of Ashley's issues lie in her horrible, neglectful upbringing, but it's hinted that even those outside of her family felt the same abt her. I'm lowkey even betting we'll learn later on that she was ostracized by her peers somehow. However, what's most disconcerting, I believe, is how little she was when the results of this alienation are first made apparent to us (bc kids aren't dumb; they notice this stuff oftentimes instinctively, impossibly young, before they even know what it means to be hated), and how devastating the consequences were.

(There's something decidedly childish abt her dream sequence in the "questionable" route—filled with crayon scribbles and rabbit plushies, the metaphors simplistic yet profound—which really hammers in how these sentiments are things that have made a home in her since childhood. Formative subconscious truths.)

Growing up unloved and noticeably unwanted by virtually everyone around her likely left her with a gaping hole in her heart that she'd spend the rest of her life trying to fill. She'd make friends, but she'd always worry that they'd leave her, that they'd betray her, nothing tangible or weighted enough in their connection to trust in its persistence. Why should she expect otherwise? Not even being bound by familial ties ensures affection if her parents are any indication.

Every lesson she'd ever learned had always taught her this: you are easy to abandon. You cannot love and be loved by virtue of your own worth.

You have to rip their affection from their clenched hands if you want it so bad.

This understanding carries with it an undercurrent of degradation, instilling within Ashley a constant, biting inferiority complex which will never fail to be a source of insecurity. She will always be put last. She was difficult to raise, so her parents gave up on raising her. She was difficult to get along with, so her friends gave up on getting along with her.

It's an odd cycle. She's difficult bc she needs to be to get attention, but bc she's difficult, she can't keep it. Not without having whatever fondness she's managed to cultivate within someone fray at the seams, volatile and prone to collapse, bleeding toxicity.

Hence, her relationship w/Andrew.

By being the only reliable constant in her life, caring for her and keeping her company, Andrew essentially became her only source of happiness, and she's since learned not to bother with anyone else. Still, it's dangerous to keep all your eggs in one basket; since he is all she has, she must protect her place in his life with even greater ferocity, which becomes a torturous ordeal when coupled with her damaged self-esteem.

It's apparent in her quarrels with Andrew that she needs constant reassurance that she is wanted in some capacity or perceived in some positive light (getting pouty when Andrew says he's "stuck with her", needing to hear that she's pretty, needing him to "choose her", wanting him to say he loves her back, etc. etc.), yet her insecurity remains, bc unlike her, he's got options. She doesn't think he needs her like she needs him. He's got a gf, their parents love him, her friends love him. Why would he settle for her? What if someone better comes along? Someone she can't scare away?

Wouldn't he just leave her like everyone else?

Even before getting locked in the coffin of their apartment, starvation's been a constant theme in Ashley's life. She's constantly aching for love, and Andrew's the only one who can feed her. When you're forced to fight for a bite to eat or suffer every moment you hunger, you become ravenous—covetous—when faced with food; you don't want the hunger to return, so you lock down the source of your sustenance, wary of its retreat. Ashley's in a permanent state of intense insecurity, always anxious that the love that gives her life will leave her.

Andrew knows Ashley better than anyone else in the world, and it's obvs to everyone and him how desperate Ashley is for him, but I don’t think Andrew has truly, consciously processed the depth of that desperation. It's there buried in his head somewhere no doubt, but rn, he doesn't operate w/the direct awareness that he is everything. He is brother, mother, friend, and soulmate. He is life and love, air and water, everything that is good in the world—everything that there is to justify existence.

It's heartbreaking, in a way, that it's so difficult for Andrew to convince her of his loyalty. This goes further than his tendency to hide his true feelings, bc when push comes to shove, he's at her beck and call. Objectively, he's hers. She doesn't see that bc all she sees is all the ways she can lose him.

So, she gets bratty. She gets pushy, possessive, territorial. Manipulative. Gets under his skin, guilts him to exhaustion, bc she can't see him staying any other way, bc he doesn't get it, bc it works. He bends to her will, for her sake. For now. It's always "for now", bc he'll start slipping away again, and then it'll get worse. She does worse.

Becomes worse.

[milfjuulpod]

I Bet On Losing Dogs

after realizing your feelings for Melissa, you stop putting yourself in the position to be hurt over and over again.

content warnings: angst, eventual comfort, mentions of alcohol

A/N: heyyyy…so this was more of a therapy session for me so ignore how sad it is lol

It was your first open house at Abbott Elementary when you realized the feelings you had for Melissa were more than friendly. Throughout your second year at the school, the redhead and you became closer than ever. The first year was cordial between the two of you, but upon seeing you return for another go at the underfunded school, Melissa’s view on you changed from just another newbie to someone who might mean something. You took advantage of that change, taking up on her offers to help you with planning or grading after school, listening to her few open moments about her personal life with all the attention you had. There was something about the older woman that drew you to her, a constant need to be in her presence. To learn from her, to make memories, to exist in her world. You chalked it up to being impressed, wanting to be mentored. Until she started acting friendly, giving you space to learn about who Melissa was, not just Ms. Schemmenti. She felt like a breath of fresh air and the strongest of drugs all rolled up with a red ribbon tying it together. 

It was when you sat and watched Melissa play Jacob in poker it hit you. It wasn’t wanting to learn, or wanting to be friends, you wanted her. She sat smugly as she threw down her cards, beating Jacob after she had just lost to him. “So, we’re tied. Dealbreaker?” She asked her opponent. Upon his agreement, she started shuffling cards for the third time. Without looking up, she called to you. “Hey hon? Could you go grab my purse for me? I’m gonna need to put all this cash away after I win, again.” It was small, but for some reason, it awoke something deep inside. The pet name slipping from her mouth, the fact she knew that you knew where her belongings were, and the way she trusted you with it. It felt domestic and familiar, and you wanted more.

It was the wanting of more that killed you, knowing she would never feel the same. At first, it was easy to ignore the sadness that came with the euphoria of being around her, her attention was worth the pain. Shortly after that moment in the break room, your view on every interaction changed. Did she notice the way your cheeks flushed at the slightest touch? The way you held on to her every word? Now that you were aware of your feelings, they only grew stronger by each passing day. Which meant everything Melissa said or did, was taken a lot more seriously. You barely survived the day Gary first came into the break room, the way he looked at her and talked to her. Most importantly, the way she ate it up. She seemed to love this attention from a new person, taking all of it in. As if you didn’t do everything she asked, and even things she didn’t. It hurt, more than words could describe. But you couldn’t act out, of course not. So you swallowed the anxiety and sadness that washed over you every time he came in.

And yet, you always came back. The minute her attention was back to you, it was like nothing bad had ever happened, she made it all worth it. Every moment of melancholy, she could take it away, despite being the reason for it all. You knew that she was hurting you, even though she didn’t mean to. She would never do something on purpose to hurt you, which made all the pain even worse. She cared so deeply for you, just not the way you wanted. For whatever reason, you continued down this path. Romanticizing every interaction together, every time she called you hon or love, you told yourself maybe it meant just as much to her as it did to you. Until she didn’t give you what you wanted, and the vicious cycle continued.

The wake up call could not have come sooner. After a Friday spent practically alone, you had a breaking point. Melissa didn’t stop by your classroom at all that day, when usually she would check in multiple times with you. At lunch, she spent the whole time working, shooting you a text letting you know she wasn’t coming to the breakroom. You opted to stay in too. You were happy she was able to spend some time working, always admiring the dedication she had for this job. But after her unusual absence in the morning, it hurt a little more than usual.

When she left with a simple “See you later, kid,” you knew it was time to create some distance. For whatever reason, it felt like your heart was breaking (the reason was love, of course). You had become so used to Melissa’s constant attention that the moment you didn’t have it, it was like the world came crashing down. Maybe it would be easier if she knew how you felt, if you could just tell her everything that’s been going on inside your head the past few months. Except it wasn’t that simple. The fear that she wouldn’t return the immense feelings, or laugh, or stop talking to you all together, it was too much. And it stopped you from ever opening your mouth about it. 

The pain had begun to override the love you felt, and you were tired of letting yourself go back to such a dark place. So after the boring Friday without much from Melissa, you decided to skip your weekly wine night with her. Every Saturday night, Melissa would cook for the two of you, and she would task you with picking a wine for the evening. You felt like a coward sending the text saying you couldn’t make it, but it was better than confronting your feelings. Her response made it even worse.

I understand hon, take it easy tonight. But I will miss you.

That cancellation was the first of many. Day after day, and week after week, you pulled back from Melissa. The two of you went from being inseparable to you avoiding her at all costs, even if it meant taking hours to respond to her texts. 

It was stupid to think she wouldn’t notice. Sitting on the couch with a near empty bottle of wine, you felt your phone buzz. 

You’re not coming tonight, are you?

You stared at the screen, Melissa’s name at the top, rereading her message over and over again. 

Not tonight, I’m sorry. 

You half expected her to respond with care, or maybe anger. But when an hour went by and she still hadn’t answered, you knew she was upset. What you didn’t expect, however, was a rather aggressive knock at the door. Standing up from the couch, you realized opening the second bottle of wine might not have been the best idea. Opening the door, there she was. 

“What the hell is going on with you? What did I do?” Melissa asked as soon as she saw you, voice filled with so many emotions. You were surprised to see her so emotional. 

“Hello to you too, Mel.” You teased, hoping to lighten the situation. It didn’t work. 

“You don’t get a hello, and don’t call me that. You have been hurting my feelings repeatedly and I still don’t know what I did. Every day and night I think about the last time we hung out and what I could have done to make you hate me so much.” Somewhere in her speech, the redhead walked past you and was now pacing in your living room. 

You felt awful. In the midst of distancing yourself for the sake of your own emotions, you completely disregarded hers. 

“I don’t hate you, Melissa. I…I don’t know…”

“Yes you do. You don’t pull away for no reason. Is this the wine we were supposed to have tonight? You don’t do that for no reason either.” She gestured to the empty bottle on the table. Her voice was loud and angry, but you could read on her face how hurt and sad she was by all of this. 

“Okay, I’m sorry. I had to pull away it’s-it’s too much. You’re too much. My feelings for you are too much and it’s suffocating and as much as I love spending time with you it hurts too much now. I can’t do it Melissa.”

“Can’t do what?” She asked, slowly stepping towards you. At the same time, your words that just left your mouth came back to your brain, and you felt sick. But you were in deep waters already with her, might as well sink. 

“I can’t be around you knowing you look at me differently than how I look at you.” Melissa didn’t answer to that, so you continued. “You are the most beautiful woman I have ever met, you’re so kind to me and sweet but at the same time the strongest person I know. I admire everything you do. I love you.”

“I love you too, but-”

“No, Melissa. I love you.”

You watched as the gears turned in her head, but quickly looked away. Tears began filling your eyes and despite not facing her, you were worried she would see. You felt arms wrap themselves around your torso and the scent of perfume engulfed you. For a single moment things were okay, until you remembered who it was. You tried to pull away, but she wouldn’t let you, instead, she turned you around to face her. To your surprise, her eyes were watery as well. 

“Why didn’t you say anything?” She said so quietly you could barely hear, but her arms still held you so closely you were able to understand. 

“I didn’t know how you would feel, I was terrified to lose you. So I just did it myself. I’m sorry. I was scared of what you would say.”

“I would say I love you too.” Melissa responded, louder this time, so you would absolutely hear her. You were silent, still unsure of what was happening. As if she could read your mind, she rolled her eyes and smirked. “Oh my god, just come here.” That was the last thing you heard before you felt soft lips on your own. 

She kissed you like her life depended on it, and she tasted exactly how you imagined. Not wanting to push it, she pulled back. “You taste like wine,” she smiled. “I love you,” you replied. That made her laugh, and it was so lovely to hear that sound again. “We’ve established that. And we’ve established I love you too, hon. Y’know we could’ve avoided all of this had you just told me.”

“You could’ve told me too, Mel.” You giggled, feeling silly that this whole time, you could’ve been with her instead of avoiding her. “I thought you knew, you think I treat anyone else like I treat you?”

“What about Gary?” You nervously asked. 

“What about him? He’s a flirt, and you were avoiding me. You are the only one I want that attention from.” She erased those negative thoughts from your head immediately. 

“Good, I know it’s late but, can we still have dinner?” 

“Of course, I would love to. But I think you’ve had enough wine for the night.” She smirked, and pulled you with her into your kitchen to start cooking. 

[prxciouslullaby]

Creepypasta Headcanons

Masky, Eyeless Jack, and Jeff smoke. Masky smokes the most out of the entire group and Jeff smokes the least

Eyeless Jack and Jeff make a terrifying duo to encounter alone. Jeff’s chaotic and impulsive nature balances EJ’s calculated demeanor, making for a fight that’s brutal and drawn out for the sake of inflicting the most pain in the worst ways possible

If you know them well enough, though, you can definitely find ways to turn them against each other. A strategy that Masky and Hoodie like using when they can't be bothered to fight them (which doesn't happen often to begin with)

Masky and Hoodie communicate with each other via random hand and arm gestures they've come up with. Eyeless Jack has managed to decipher some of the signs but refuses to tell Jeff which ones or their meanings

Masky

His smoking habit is from his younger days and he’s never been able to kick the habit. At this point, he doesn’t really want to since it helps “stabilize” him

Cannot go long periods of time without smoking, so he's constantly asking Hoodie to find him more if he isn't currently stealing them himself

Bro's a menace without his smokes, someone stop him

(That someone is usually Hoodie, but to varying degrees of success)

Speaks in short sentences to avoid himself from coughing too violently (and also because he'd rather not talk)

Definitely coughs in his sleep though. There have definitely been times that Hoodie has tried suffocating him in his sleep just so he can get sleep. Masky doesn’t hold it against him

Reeks of cigarettes and sweat. Guaranteed.

Can't really stand when people around him are noticeably dirty though (looks or smell-wise). No one understands why

Is the only one who's got a car. No one knows how or where he got it or how it's even operating, but no one else is allowed to drive it besides Hoodie (and he's on thin ice)

That doesn't stop Jeff from trying to steal it for a joyride sometimes (which usually fails)

Eyeless Jack

Smokes to “ground himself” and keep his cool when he feels like he’s about to go off the edge

Tied with Masky and Hoodie for being the least expressive emotions-wise. You cannot tell what he’s thinking unless you’ve known him for a very long time and he considers you an ally

Considers very few people friends. Jeff, somehow, is one of them

Loves to get under Jeff’s skin the most

Is also Jeff's impulse control whenever they're around (doesn't work 100% of the time though)

Doesn’t understand why everyone goes to him specifically when they have medical issues but he’s got plenty of people who owe him favors because of it

Also forced himself to learn how to heal a bunch of different injuries and medications because why does everyone go to him for their medical issues???

Is constantly stealing medical supplies if nothing else

He’s not as much of a clean freak as you’d expect, though

His mask does not come off unless he’s sleeping, he feels vulnerable without it on. Also rarely sleeps.

Will attack you if you try to take the mask off

Jeff

Jeff’s a social smoker and won’t smoke alone unless it pisses off the other person he’s with. He’s an ornery little shit that loves pissing people off and pushing their buttons

He knows his limits, though, despite people thinking he’s a dumbass for the sake of being a dumbass. That doesn’t mean his ego doesn’t get in the way sometimes

He's got the biggest ego seen on the planet, next to Slenderman (and a couple others)

Jeff hates feeling pain so much that he’ll inflict more pain on himself to counteract it. It’s a vicious, ironic cycle that he continues until he passes out or until Eyeless Jack helps him out

Absolutely reeks. Usually of blood, always of B.O.

Despite knives being his go-to weapon, he's pretty decent in handling any other weapon you give him (totally not out of necessity from pissing off so many others with different weapons)

[nakama-narratives]

Headcanon: Reader got the flu

Characters: Shanks, Benn Beckman 

A.N: I've been in bed with the flu for a few days. Today I feel a little better ^.^

✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

Shanks

- Shanks is sitting at the mess hall like he does every morning, having breakfast with the crew. He didn't notice you got sick. What he notices is that you're not sitting next to him. Half the bread you steal from him every morning is still on the edge of his plate, where he leaves it easily accessible for you every morning.

Shanks is waiting for breakfast to finish, see if you just overslept and come later. But if you don't show up, Shanks is worried and starts looking for you. As soon as he sees you lying in your bed, feverish and exhausted from the flu, he will not leave your side.

- Whatever you need, Shanks will take care of it. You're hungry? Shanks asks Lucky to cook your favorite meal and then brings it to your bed. Thirsty? Shanks will bring you water, tea and juice. You're cold? Shanks already has two more blankets at his fingertips.

Shanks is by your side all the time, reading every wish from your eyes and trying to cheer you up with stories. Even if you send him away so he doesn't get it from you, you're not gonna get that man out of your room that easy. He thinks he's too strong to catch your flu.

- You'll feel better after a few days. But just as you prophesied, Shanks has contracted it with you - a bad version of the male flu. Now that you're feeling better and you want to do your homework, you're still tied to the bed - held by Shanks, who just snuggles in bed with you and rests. You can only hope you break the vicious cycle of the flu and you don't get sick again next week.

Benn Beckman

- Beckman knows you have the flu before you know it. He is always attentive and notices the slightest changes in your behavior. You sneeze or cough? You're less resilient today than usual? Beckman realizes it right away, puts a cup of tea with honey in your hand and sends you on a break. Whether you like it or not, he's gonna keep an eye on you and make you actually rest.

- As soon as your flu symptoms kick in, Beckman's gonna send you to bed. He brings you everything you need and comes several times a day to check on you. But as good as he takes care of you, he won't be with you all the time. As vice-captain, he's busy all day. He also believes that the body can only recover with enough rest and that if it were with you all the time, it would only distract you from sleep (not that you would complain about a distraction)