#tina's one liners in this episode got me good

[laz-kay]

"Is everyone else's bed the size of our kitchen?" "What? No. These beds are small. Did you say yours is big?" "Uhh no! Goodnight!"

Bob's Burgers, The Nightmare 2 Days Before Christmas (S14: E10)

[golden--doodler]

Tumblr is being dumb and not wanting to work with me today (and is also dumb for not letting me put in more than one video clip), but @babsvibes asked me what some of my favorite Bob's Burgers quotes are, so here is my response in its entirety (you better buckle up, because it's long):

Babs!! I appreciate you so much, thank you for giving me another ask❣️

You already know who most of these quotes will be from because you asked me 🤣 This ask is too good, I’m super excited to get into this.

Okay, I don’t have these in any particular order (this was originally meant to be a top five but got expanded to eight (plus a ton of honorable mentions) because there are just too many good quotes), but some of my absolute favorites are:

—(From the movie): “I know you’re droopy Bob right now, but you know who else is in there? Dreamy Bob. The guy who wanted to open a restaurant in the first place, slap his name on it, make cuckoo, crazy burgers with wild ingredients. A new one every day.” —Linda 🥹

Bonus: “You know what you gotta do to droopy Bob? You gotta hit him in the nuts, like this! >:D”--Linda, AKA the best wife in the world

This scene always has me extremely unwell. It’s like the writers took a look at me and my blog and were just like How can we activate Doodler’s emotional tears to the maximum degree? It honestly has everything I could’ve asked for. Linda being the best, most supportive wife in the universe? Yup. Bob being his usual sad, dramatic self? Yes.

A BOBLIN FLASHBACK WITH LINDA PREGNANT WITH TINA AND BOB LOOKING SO EXCITED AND PASSIONATE ABOUT THE RESTAURANT?? 🥺🥺🥺 Check.

—(Also from the movie): “Can I say, ‘Honey, No’!” —Gene

“No 🙄” —Louise

This line is hilarious and caught me so off-guard when I first heard it. It’s one of the best Gene lines, which is quite the feat given that he has so many good lines. I can’t believe some people can’t see his beautiful Genderfluidity after hearing this line and Eugene Mirman’s delivery. Genuinely, though, I absolutely love how comfortable Gene usually is when it comes to being himself. There are moments where his self-doubt and insecurity creep in, and I could make a whole post about that, but whenever he’s around his family, he’s usually so comfortable with saying what he wants.

—(I forgot which episode this was from and couldn't figure out which one it was, if someone can tell me, that would be much appreciated 😭): “Teddy, I know that’s your burger. Stop being weird and just eat the burger.” —Mr. Bob Burger himself

Bonus: “Is this what you want you sick bastard?????” —Teddy

This exchange is so freaking funny, such a classic. Bob and Teddy’s yelling matches never fail to make me burst out laughing. And just the fact that this all happened because Bob gets so upset when people eat other burgers and like them, so everyone has to pretend to not like other burgers?? Hilarious. He’s such a sensitive man, I love him so much.

—(From “The Runaway Club”): “I’m a little disappointed too. Before I saw it on you, I thought this bracelet was classy.” —Tina

Bonus: “Take. It. Off.” —Tammy

“I. Would. Rather. Die.” —Tina

“THEN YOU WILL DIE!!!!!!!!!” —Tammy

Tina’s line here is so good. I love how she can come up with really good one-liners to get back at Tammy when she wants to. And Tammy getting so jealous and angry?? Hilarious. And then Jocelyn panicking and pulling the fire alarm?? And then Jimmy Jr. being an absolute dumbass and just spraying a fire extinguisher everywhere? 11/10 scene.

Plus, you gotta love how protective Gene and Louise get over Tina here: “Get your hands off my sister 😡”

—(Deleted line from “Father of the Bob”): “He lets me eat as much Tylenol as I want! 😄”

Yes, I’m including a link to the animation I did for this scene yesterday, don’t judge me.

Anyway, this line is actual comedy gold. I can’t believe they cut it. Yes, they don’t want kids to be irresponsible with Tylenol. But it’s so funny!! Gene, sweetie, please don’t overdose on medicine.

It’s also really sweet how much the kids love their Pop Pop. It’s just really nice that they have a grandparent they love because Gloria and Al are the worst.

—(From “Tina-Ranasaurus Wrecks”): “TINA FOR THE LOVE OF GOD EITHER TURN AWAY OR STOP—THE BRAKES, TINA, YOU’RE ABOUT TO—HIT THE BRAKES” —Bob

Bonus: “God, you’re so honest. Who raised you?” —Bob

“I don’t know 😫” —Tina

This scene absolutely sends me Every. Single. Time. It’s so good. Just Tina’s constant groaning and Bob’s panic which only grows as they get closer to the only other car in the parking lot?? I can’t. His yelling at the end never fails to send me into a fit of laughter. There's just something about the way H. Jon Benjamin delivered it.

And the fact that the car Tina hit was Jimmy Pesto’s? That makes this scene even funnier.

—(From “Can’t Buy Me Math”): “Did someone order takeout or should I say take off?? 😏” —Bob

Bonus: “No one wants to see that! 😡” —Random patron at Jimmy Pesto’s

“Hey! I do! 🤬” —Linda

This is one of my all-time favorite Boblin moments, tied only with the flashback scene from the movie, and probably their moment in “Bob, Actually”. 

Aside from how hilarious it is (I mean, “Takeout or should I say take off” lives rent-free in my head), it goes to show just how much these two love and adore each other. Bob was willing to be naked in full view of customers at Jimmy Pesto’s and he still did the strip tease because he loves Linda that much.

They definitely had a fun night together 😏

(From “The Plight Before Christmas”): “So jolly. I didn’t expect to feel this way. I was focusing on Santa, but the best presents are sitting here. And they aren’t even wrapped up.” —Louise 🥹

This scene makes me sob every single time. I think the part that gets me the most is the moment where Louise looks into the audience and sees Tina came to see her give the poem. Tina in this moment reminds me so much of my older sister it makes me way too emotional I might actually get sick. Without words, it showed their sisterly bond in such a beautiful way. And then Louise’s actual poem??????? I can’t handle it. The way she eloquently describes in poem form how much she cares about her family can’t be done justice in words.

God, I need a minute to recover from this.

And that’s my top eight! Here are some honorable mentions because there are just too many good quotes from this gem of a show:

—(From “The Gene Mile”): “WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO, CHANGE MY PHONE EVERY TEN YEARS??” —Teddy

“Y E S” —Bob

—(From “Dream a Little Bob of Bob”): “I DID IT. HELL YEAHHHHHHHH” —Tina

—(From “Boyz 4 Now”): “I’m no hero. I put my bra on one boob at a time, just like everyone else.” —Tina

—(From “Two For Tina”): “When you say no, it makes me want you more!!!!!! 😫” —Jimmy Jr.

—(From “Y Tu Ga-Ga Tambien”): “It’s not a good feeling when they say everyone, but they don’t mean you.” —Gene

—(From “Torpedo”): “But I call you dad! I think of it as Dad’s Burgers!” —Gene

—(From “Best Burger”) “Dad!! I’m sorry I screwed up today. I’m sorry I screw up all the time! 😣” —Gene

Bonus: “Gene, you might make mistakes from time to time, but I love you and I love who you are.” —Bob 🥺

—(From “Diarrhea of a Poopy Kid”): “You were the only one interested in my innovative new menu. I was like you when I was a kid, you know. That’s how I got interested in cooking. And as soon as you pass that sip test, I’ll eat dinner with you.” —Bob

Bonus: “🎶 I could still be a winner, when I eat Dad’s Thanksgiving dinner! 🎶” —Gene

“That was beautiful, Gene 🥲” —Bob

“Thank you, Father~” —Gene

—(From “Mazel-Tina”): “Wow, Dad. I never realized how soulful your eyes are.” —Gene

“*Sighs* Gene. Wait, really?” —Bob

—(From “The Hauntening”): “Dad. I think you’re doing a really good job as a Dad.” —Gene

“Okay.” —Bob

“I’m having a really good childhood.” —Gene

“Okay, great.” —Bob

“Not right now, but overall.” —Gene

“I got it, thanks.” —Bob

“No, thank you. Thank you for your service.” —Gene

(From “Lil’ Hard Dad”): “You’re still my hero, Dad 😌” —Gene

“You’re mine too, Gene.” —Bob

(From “Broadcast Wagstaff School News”): “*Gasps* Travel-Sized Bob, awwwwww!!” —Linda

Bonus: “Muppet baby Bobby!!! :D” —Linda

(From “Lindapendent Woman”): “I’d rather be scraping by together than have extra money and be apart.” —Bob, AKA the best husband ever

(From “Mother Daughter Laser Razor”): “Wait. Mom. You don’t think I like you?” —Louise

Bonus (just for you, Babs!): “They just needed to see things from each other’s perspective 🥹” —Logan Barry Bush

(From “A-Sprout A Boy”): “I’ll never make you eat vegetables for breakfast, sweetie.” —Linda

“I love you, Mom (:” —Louise

(From “The Pickleorette”): “Oh my God, of course I’d hold your hand. I don’t want you to be scared. You’re my big, strong boy.”

(From "Sliding Bobs"): “Hey! You’ve got a lot of nerve picking on girl’s diamond rings with your thick, luxurious, Tom Selleckian mustache….. Hi.” —Linda

“Hi. My eyes are up here. Should we get some scissors?” —Bob

“What’s the rush? 😏” —Linda

(From “Large Brother, Where Fart Thou?”): “Thank you, Gene. You’re a great large brother.” —Louise

“Anytime, shrimp.” -Gene, AKA the best big brother ever

(From “A Few ‘Gurt Men”): “I’m good at law!” —Gene, AKA the best lawyer ever

(From “Carpe Museum”): “So, when you take over the restaurant, will you call it Louise’s Burgers?” —Bob

“I don’t know. Maybe. Daddy.” —Louise

(From “Hawk and Chick”): “This Hawk and Chick will never not talk for thirty years!” —Bob

(I forgot which episode this is from but if someone can tell me, that would be much appreciated!): "I've got a license to counsel." --Mr. Frond

"Double O-So-Sad." --Louise

"Louise. Be nice." --Bob

"Why? It's Mr. Frond!" --Louise

(From "The Frond Files"): "I LOCKED MYSELF IN A RUH-OOOM WHILE CHILDREN WERE EATEN!!!!!!!!!!!!" --Mr. Frond

I need to cut myself off now but there are even more quotes I could’ve added 😭

[icegoddessrukia]

Tina

Favorite quote: "So here's what's gonna happen! My dad, He's the king of the vampires, and Asian vampires are the most vicious of them all. You're gonna let me wear my lady demon clothes, or else he'll fly into your bedroom and bite your face off! He's really pissed! Is that what you want?"

Favorite one-liner: "My parents won't even let me watch Twilight. My mom says she thinks Kristen Stewart seems like a bitch."

Favorite solo: Because You Loved Me in Props

Favorite duet: Sing! with Mike followed by My Lovin' (You're Never Gonna Get It) with Artie

Favorite person to ship them with: Mike. I love the jock/nerd and chill/fiery dynamic they have. She's always at her best when she's with Mike.

Favorite episode they were in: Probably Duets. She was just so funny when she was arguing with Mike about the "chicken feet salad"

Favorite scene: That season 5 scene where she dramatically yells "Nooooo whyyyy God?!?!" and causes Kevin to break character because he's laughing so much

Favorite BrOTP: Tinchel or Brittina. They both didn't get developed much but they had such cute friendships. Tina was a great friend to have

Favorite storyline: Everything about her pretending to be a vampire to scare Figgins was hilarious

A song I wished they had sung: Crush on You by The Jets. It's ancient but I think she would sound so cute

Opinion of this character: I really like Tina. She was a supportive friend even though she got ignored most of the time. She's such a good addition to the show because they needed a shy goth/nerd girl in the group to balance things out and she has so many parallels with Rachel. She's also such an underrated comic relief character

[lonelier-version-of-you]

My main takeaway from that episode is that every time I think Faith can’t get more self-absorbed, she does.

Like. She literally only cares about herself, to such an extent that she’s kind of scary. (Not that the fact that she would’ve gladly raped her husband wasn’t scary enough.) She’ll shout at other people for their actions (even things she completely makes up in her head, like accusing Ray of raping his fiancee tonight) while seeing those same things as perfectly fine and justifiable when she does them.

I mean, look at her hypocrisy towards Stevie, oh my god. Should Stevie have been telling people at work about Faith’s personal life? No. But Faith hasn’t got a leg to stand on when last year she literally shouted in the middle of her and Lev’s workplace that Lev was gay, something she didn’t even seem to feel remorse for.

Stevie needs to get herself better friends. Faith is toxic as hell and Stevie deserves so much better.

And, I mean, don’t even get me started on her accusing Ray of rape. Oh, I see, Faith, so NOW you remember that forcing someone to sleep with you is bad? Would’ve been nice if you’d thought about that before you tried to do the same thing to your husband, wouldn’t it? She was even complaining about men being entitled, in which she might have had a point if she wasn’t the exact same herself.

And when she literally said that it didn’t matter if Ray and Tara were a couple? How incredibly hypocritical. Yes, Faith, you’re right, it doesn’t matter if two people are in a relationship, it’s still entirely possible for one to rape the other... something you tried to do to your own husband without seeing anything wrong with it in the slightest. Maybe Faith is one of those people who believes only men can be abusive. That would explain a lot. The woman who groomed me when I was young was the same as Faith in this way - she condemned men who would do the sort of stuff she did, but didn’t care if she did those things herself. So unfortunately Faith’s hypocrisy is not unrealistic.

The wild thing is, though, whatever Faith herself believes, the show (or rather, the people making it) clearly don’t believe only men can be abusive. We just had the storyline with Tina abusing Jacob. Which makes it look like Faith’s just getting away with her own behaviour because of racial double standards. :/ I mean, of course Tina’s behaviour was horrible and abusive - and rightfully, it was acknowledged as such! But why isn’t Faith’s behaviour acknowledged as abusive too?

I just. Argghhh. I hate Faith so much. Both Dylan and Stevie should never have to interact with her again, they both deserve better.

As for the actual patient storyline... someone clearly realised the show is on post-watershed at the moment and decided to take advantage of it for the patient-of-the-week story. That’s all I really have to say. It was vaguely amusing I guess.

Although if they’re going to be using the post-watershed time slot to their advantage, I’d rather they just let Dylan swear. Come on, Casualty, Let Dylan Say “Fuck”. Or let Paula say it, god knows she’s earned it, with the shit she’s been through.

Elsewhere, Chrissie, AKA Iain’s ex-girlfriend, AKA Michael Stevenson’s real-life wife, AKA Danielle from EastEnders, is back. I love her. She’s a brilliant character. Can we keep her please? Seriously, I’m not much of an Iain fan, I find him really boring, but Chrissie is fantastic. Lauren Crace plays her so well and I find her a really interesting character already. I loved how gentle she was with the woman suffering from PTSD.

And the Dylan content this week was pretty good. It was nice to see him still concerned about Paula. And his one-liner about not knowing what blocking someone’s number meant was very funny, whether you think he genuinely didn’t know or if he was pretending not to to get out of the conversation, either way is hilarious.

Oh, also, Sah only got one scene tonight but it was still an improvement on last week (where they were only in it for about 5 seconds). I love them. And I am becoming ever more convinced that the anon who thinks Sah is autistic is right.

Next week, we move on from this Faith nonsense and go back to the Dylan and Paula storyline. So that’s good news, although the episode itself looks undeniably heartbreaking.

[totallypathet]

Episode Seven

I am being very inconsistent with my breakdowns this season. Both with Drag Race and in general 😂

Anyway, the reading challenge! We love the reading challenge. Nearly everyone had at least 1 good roast, except for Miss Elliott. I dont know what she was trying to do, but none of it worked. On the plus side though, Gottmik was hilarious? I just wasn't expecting that from her, but I love it. Honestly though I think my favourite was Olivia Lux's "Kandy Ho...wait, I mean Kandy is a hoe" that was so funny! Rosé and Denali were also really funny, but I kind of loved everyone else's reads for Rosé, I feel like she brought out the best in people 😂

I wasn't super excited for Bossy Rossy to come back. I just think improv is *so* hard, and it's really easy to be tripped up. Having said that, I actually really enjoyed this episode. I felt like all the scenarios were just so ridiculous that actually it worked in everyone's favour.

1. Denali

Denali was so funny this week! I was not expecting physical comedy from her and Rosé, but they absolutely killed it. The outfits and the voices were properly giving me Jerry Springer, and omg PREGNANTE just killed me! They were actually genuinely funny!

And her look this week...I actually gasped when she turned the corner. It was such a beautiful look, and I really felt that like grand chandelier thing she was going for. I loved it, and I think Denali should have been top 3 this week instead of Kandy. The judges are sleeping on Denali and I don't get it. I think she's great!

2. Elliott with Two Ts

I barely even want to talk about Elliott this week. Nothing she did was funny. Nothing she did this week was enjoyable. She was bad in the sketch. The runway look was ugly and tacky. I'm bored. She wasn't even that good in the lipsync, I do not understand why she's still there.

I mean, I feel for her with her struggle with depression, that's really hard, and I know that it does isolate you from people, and I understand why she's been very detached from the rest of the cast. I feel for her, and I really hope she has a good support system around her; but her performance this week (and every other week) was still bad.

3. Gottmik

Gottmik was actually so funny this week. She really was that like soft spoken, condescending, hand gestures, "active listening" faux-psychologist; I loved it. I really bought the character, I thought she was funny, she worked really well with Olivia, and also that look? The pink suit? Amazing. Also she had so many little throwaway mime one liners that were so clever! She was kind of unfortunate in that Olivia was really the standout performer in that group, and that other groups also performed really well, because I think she was a real contender for top 3 this week.

I looooved Gottmik's runway. The big anal bead hair piece? Amazing. And the dress being all that one colour, but with the texture of the beads and the latex? Perfect. And the way she painted her face! I just loved it, it was beads in a really unconventional way, and I love that about Gottmik, she always brings her perspective. The only thing, and it is such a teeny tiny thing, is that I wish the shoes had had more of a "round" feeling? Like everything else felt like latex balls and then the shoes were just like red pumps. I wish they'd been more like those McQueen heels Gaga wore, that were really rounded? It's such a small thing though, like the look was perfect, I'm just being super picky!

4. Kandy Muse

I dont really understand why Kandy was top 3 this week. I do like that she tried something different, and I like that she was aiming for this very cold, Paris Hilton type thing, but I just don't think she went far enough with it. The sketch as a whole was funny, but for me the humour came from Symone.

The look this week though. Kandy Muse has never looked better. She looked amazing! That big hat, with the big fur stole, and the beads just dripping off everything, it was so perfect. I just loved it.

5. Lala Ri

I actually don't think Lala was that bad this week! Was she utterly hilarious in her performance? No, but improv is hard, and she gave it her absolute best. I actually thought she was pretty funny, I loved the pregnancy belly being totally the wrong skin colour, I thought the trust fall thing was a really funny idea, I dont think she did too badly! Also, there was a moment right before the trust fall where she was counting Rosé in, and she just went "one, FALL", and that was so much funnier than they gave it credit for. For me, it was a safe performance.

I also really liked her look! It immediately gave me beads, I loved the kind of carnivale presentation she gave, I enjoyed it! Okay, the body suit had a rip in it, but sometimes shit happens when you're putting on a garment okay? I forgive the rip. I do get that, okay, it's a body suit with basically a beaded bikini, I see that. But honestly, I just don't think anything Lala did this week was THAT bad. It wasn't great, but it wasn't bad. I just felt safe to me.

Lala didn't deserve to go this week. She was better than Elliott in the challenge, her runway look was better than Eliott's, and she beat Elliott in the lipsync. I do not understand the judging on this show. Bottom 2 should have been Utica and Elliott, and Elliott should have gone.

6. Olivia Lux

Olivia made me so happy this week. I mean, she makes me happy every week, I am fully an Olivia Stan, but oh my god. She killed it this week! She said like 3 words the whole time, but I could barely take my eyes off her! When they were talking through parts in the work room, I was ao worried about her, and I was so concerned that she'd fade into the background because she couldn't talk, but holy shit she was so funny! She had the energy, she went so over the top with her actions, I was not at all expecting that slapstick type funny from her but she delivered. Olivia's performance was absolutely my favourite this week, I was just so blown away by her.

Also, that runway look was amazing! I loved her interpretation of beads, it was so cute, and so fun, and she really embodied that kind of pre-teen joy and care-free spirit. I just loved it. It seems like she's worked a lot with Mondo Guerra on her runway looks this season, which I live, because I adore Mondo, and every week I can't wait to see what she's wearing!

7. Rosé

I was really impressed with Rosé! Her and Denali were so funny together, and Rosé in particular was really funny with "Jared", like she never forgot that there was meant to be an invisible boyfriend next to her; she was holding his hand, she looked at him like he was really there, it was amazing. I was genuinely really impressed with Rosé this week.

Where I felt like she fell down a little bit was with her runway. Was it cute? Absolutely. Was it amazing? No. It just didn't give me anything, I didn't get a story, or a character, or a feeling, it was just "oh, that looks good". Which is fine, but it doesn't win challenges, you know?

8. Symone

Deboooorah! I loved Symone this week. I actually loved that their sketch wasn't massive high energy and screaming and yelling, because that wasn't the characters they were given. They did such an amazing job of being the child stars crying on Oprah's sofa type characters, and I actually loved it. Also, the candle thing was hysterical, Symone holding a candle that says "desperation" and crying was just so funny to me. She absolutely sold me the character, I was really getting a Real Housewives moment where they're like "I'm starting my own business where I'm going to make my own candles!" And then they get really emotional about it. I loved it so much, she was hilarious this week.

And Symone's look! My flatmate and I were literally applauding in our front room. It was perfect. It was beautifully made, all the proportions were perfect, the colour palette was gorgeous, the attention to detail was everything, I loved it so much. AND SHE HAD HER NAME IN HER HAIR! The beads in her hair spelled out SYMONE. Everything about it was perfect.

I really couldn't pick this week whether Symone or Olivia was going to win, and honestly I didn't mind either way. They were both just so incredible.

9. Tina Burner

You guys. I am bored of Tina Burner. I can't believe I'm saying it either. But she walked in being really like campy and fun, and then just sort of flatlined. I didn't think she was that funny this week. Even next to Elliott, the least funny queen in the whole line up, she didn't seem like the funny one. I am disappointed. The only bit of their sketch that was funny was them fighting with the huge ass and tits. That was just so ridiculous that it was funny.

I'll tell you what else, I've already forgotten what she wore on the runway. I watched this episode less than 24 hours ago, and yet I've got to go back and watch it again so I remember Tina. And then I remembered why it didn't stick in my mind. I don't know what she was thinking but...she's lucky the judges liked her challenge performance. Also, it looked like a worse version of Crystal Methyd's entrance look with some beads stuck on. Didn't get it, didnt like it, still waiting for Tina to wear something good on the runway.

The one thing I will say about Tina this week is that we really saw her be a human with Elliott, and I really loved that. That was the first time this season that I've really liked Tina. I appreciate that she gave Elliott that pep talk, and that she said that thing in her confessional about being a bit judgmental and feeling guilty about it, I really appreciated that, and I feel like we saw a real person. I want more of that!

10. Utica

Utica... I don't think she's long for this competition, I'm afraid. She literally started this week saying she's a scene stealer, and she does improv regularly, and she was really excited for this challenge...what happened? I was lost, during her whole performance. First of all, she was supposed to be Olivia's mum, hadn't seen her for 20 years, but she came out looking like a 19 year old? I think she was aiming for that like "mutton dressed as lamb" type look, those mom's who are like "me and my daughter always get confused for sisters!" thing, but she didn't go far enough with it. It just didn't work. And then the Starbucks thing? Didn't get that either. The one thing I will give her is I loved that she shushed Olivia when Olivia was like copying the hand gestures in a really mocking way, I thought that was so funny. But other than that... Utica should have been lipsyncing this week, honestly. She wasn't funny. Where were the jokes??

The only things that saved her this week was the look. It was stunning. I dont really know what else to say about it, because it was just gorgeous. It was beautiful, but a bit twisted and freaky, and tragic all in one. Stunning.

The other thing I want to say about this week is that moment when they were doing makeup, and Kandy was being Maury, and Lala was running around the workroom having just been told Tina was not the father of her children, followed by Mik the camera operator and Elliott the sound tech? Hilarious. That was the funniest bit of the whole episode, I was creasing 👌👌

For me, the top 2 of the season are Olivia and Symone. I've thought that since the very first episode, and honestly, the others are great (mostly), but to me they just aren't on the same level as Olivia and Symone. They're just both amazing, they're so funny, and so talented, and incredible performers, and absolute Stars on the runway.

[sammysreelreviews]

My Top 10 Bob’s Burgers Episodes

So I’ve literally been sitting on this list since May 2018 cause it’s just so hard to choose my favorites! I thought since the 10th season is coming out this Sunday I would drop a list of my ten favorite episodes so far. This was so fucking hard to do so if you say anything negative you will be BLOCKED. Enjoy and don’t forget Bob’s Burgers is back September 29th at 9pm on FOX!

10. Purple Rain-Union: Season 4, Episode 6

Linda and her old band “The Ta Tas” reunite to play at their 25th high school reunion. Gayle sings one of the most memorable songs from the show and Bob’s zit is the life of the party but the best part of the episode is the encore song Linda sings with the band. Also, Fuck Bad Hair Day!

Best line:

Linda: “I still got my sexy parts. Well I got two out of five, I still got two out of five!”

9. Slumber Party: Season 4, Episode 9

Linda makes Louise have a slumber party and Louise is NOT about it. Louise tries to make the girls go home one by one but the best part of the episode is that she makes a friend in the end and that’s what I love about it.

Best line:

Louise: “If she was a spice she’d be flour. If she was a book she’d be two books.”

8. Ain’t Miss Debatin’ Season 7, Episode 15

Season 7 is full of amazing episodes including this favorite cause it’s centered around Tina and the Tina episodes are 100% the best episodes. Tina having a random boyfriend and Linda critiquing him when he comes to the house will never fail to make me laugh. I also need Sasha in every episode.

Best line(s): 

Duncan: “You know in New Zealand we don’t say turn off the light we say turn on the dark.”

Tina: “Son of a bitch.” 

7. Brunchsquatch Season 8, Episode 1

Brunchsquatch is late in the game out of all the other episodes listed but the character Dalton honestly makes this whole episode. Brunch is such a big thing and they made fun of it perfectly. Also it was so cool that they had so many different people draw their own version of the Belcher fam.

Best line(s): 

Dalton: “I’ve seen brunch skunks throw up in their booths and just keep drinking. I’ve seen a boy brunch skunk fight his way out of an ambulance to try to get back into a restaurant for more drinks. This is bad Linda this is very bad!” 

Linda: “Oh god I got to go tell Bob!” 

Dalton: “Yes you do but before you do that could you be a lil cabbage and grab us another round of Mom-osas and some more jalapeño aioli for our burgers? Love you! Mwah!”

6. Work Hard or Die Trying Girl Season 5, Episode 1

Episode 1 of season 5 set the bar extremely high but season 5 is genuinely one of their best seasons. I’ve never seen Working Girl or Die Hard (please don’t attack me) but you don’t need to see these movies to appreciate the incredible joint musical that happens.

Best line(s): 

Gene: “But your characters don't even end up together!” 

Tina: “We're all allowed to interpret the movie differently.”

Doug: “No, they definitely don't end up together.” 

Tina: “Eh, to each his own.” 

Doug: “No, they really don't.”

Tina: “Well, comme ci, comme sa.” 

Doug: “All right, well, now you're just saying words.” 

Tina: “C’est la vie.” 

5. The Kids Run Away: Season 4 Episode 19

Most people would forget this episode but for some reason this episode will always have a special place in my heart. I love how even though Louise is always a badass it shows that at the end of the day she’s still a little girl. To be honest even I don’t know why I’m obsessed with this episode sometimes. Is it because it’s all about Louise or the fact that they play Gayle force winds? Either way Louise says a line (written below) that never fails to make me cry laughing which makes the episode so much more worth it.

Best line: 

Louise: “Wagstaff was my platoon in ‘Nam. Oh man, they said there’d be people like you when I came back.”

4. Mother Daughter Laser Razor: Season 3, Episode 10

Louise is the definition of a daddy’s girl so to have an episode where her and Linda are forced to bond is magic. Even though Bob is Louise’s favorite it was awesome to see her and Linda play laser tag together.

Best line:

Linda: “Here goes the hair and there goes the hair and where is Harry Truman? He’s dead in the ground, he’s dead in the ground. He’s dead dead dead!”

3. Bad Tina: Season 2, Episode 8

I think most Bob’s Burgers fans can agree with me when I say that Bad Tina is one of the best episodes of the show. Tina being influenced by the new girl Tammy not only is one of the best Tina centric episodes but also introduces Tammy and honestly I can’t imagine the show without her anymore. We love Bad Tina and we love Erotic Friend Fiction.

Best line:

Gene: “We’re Belchers, from the womb to the tomb!”

2. Ex Mach Tina: Season 7, Episode 8

Like I said before season 7 is full of gems and this episode is the very best one from that season. Tina sprains her ankle from wearing her espadrilles and has to go to school through a remote controlled computer. Through this program Tina connects with Jimmy Jr. on a “deeper” level. This episode has so many one liners it was hard to choose just one. The whole subplot of Bob having a banjo moment is so random but it’s so funny it fucking works like when he imagines he’s good at the banjo I always choke on my water. Also just the name of the episode is fucking priceless.

Best line: 

Gene: “This is the worst episode of the O.C. ever!” 

1. Can’t Buy Me Math: Season 5, Episode 11

If you know me you know how much I fucking love this episode. This is undeniably the best Valentine’s Day episode of the entire show. From Tina and Darryl to Bob trying to seduce Linda I mean what more could you ask for?! This episode is absolute PERFECTION and that’s why it’s number one.

Best line(s):

Louise: “So the breakup, is it gonna be classy or nasty?”

Tina: “Definitely nasty. Want to know how many holds will be barred?”

Gene: “Three?”

Tina: “None.”

Gene: “Wow, that is... so few.”

[miasswier]

miasswier’s ultimate glee ranking: no 5

5: Theatricality

Written by: Ryan Murphy Directed by: Ryan Murphy

Overall Thoughts: For a really, really long time this was my absolute favourite episode of all time. It’s still high up there, but unlike most people I actually really enjoyed the last two seasons of Glee, so this episode got bumped down a bit. Still, there is very little I don’t like about this episode. It manages to give several characters’ stories while still focusing on the main two stories of the episode. Unlike “Dream On”, I didn’t feel like I was watching a show about Finn, Rachel, Kurt, and Shelby. I felt like I was watching Glee.

What I Like:

Figgins thinking vampires are real and talking about how they need to keep vampirism out of McKinley.

Tina looking interested when Puck says “Catholic school girl”

“Happy meal, no onions. Or a chicken”

Kurt getting so excited over Lady Gaga. Oh, honey <3

“You don’t need an appointment at super-cuts. They love walk-in’s” CLAPBACK OF THE CENTURY LADIES AND GENTLEMEN (this line makes me die of laughter every fucking time like oh my god Karofksy you are so genuinely stupid)

The Lady Gaga outfits!!!! Even Rachel’s original one, which I find hilarious and way more fitting for her personality than the one she gets later

“You look terrible. I look awesome”

“You want to name our daughter Jack Daniels? She’s a girl!” “Okay, fine, Jackie Daniels”

Shelby being honest with Rachel when she realized that she made a mistake by contacting her and that this wasn’t what she really wanted. I appreciate when characters can be honest when they mess up, even if it hurts them and other people.

Rachel being honest as well and admitting that she doesn’t feel that mother-daughter bond she always dreamed of with Shelby. I wish they’d gone a little deeper into this, but I’m still glad they mentioned it at all. Especially when Shelby says that it was when Rachel told her about her dad’s and how they would bring her water when she was sad. Shelby isn’t her mom, and it was silly for both of them to expect that. Rachel doesn’t have a mom – she has two dads. While I’m glad they explored the “where I come from” aspect of this, I’m also glad that they didn’t turn it into “I feel more connected to you because of biology than I do to my fathers who raised me”.

THAT WHOLE SCENE WITH KURT AND FINN AND BURT IN THE BASEMENT. There is so much I love about that scene. I could write an essay on that scene and how important it is. That scene literally defined Glee for me for so long. I’m so glad they did that scene.

Okay, I know it’s an insult and homophobic and gross but when Azimio says “being in football and being in Glee doesn’t make you versatile – it makes you bisexual” I always burst out laughing like oh my god I don’t know why I find that so funny.

Finn standing up for Kurt at the end. I will say though that, while I enjoy this, there are some things that I wish had been included as well, which I’ll talk more about later.

Artie and Mike being lil cuties and actually cheering for the girls and being super encouraging in their performance. Considering Artie was always portrayed as the most misogynistic of the guys, he actually is one of the few that openly and genuinely encourages the girls in their performances every fucking time.

Finn actually getting to react to seeing Puck and Quinn talk about the baby!!!!! That’s always been my biggest pet peeve – Finn literally thought he was going to be a father and that got ripped away from him, and he wasn’t ever shown to be angry about that. It was always just “oh boo-hoo Quinn cheated on me and Puck is my best friend woe is me” when really he should be mourning the loss of a child he thought was his, but then learnt was not. Like… I don’t know. Seeing him awkwardly look away reminds everyone that he genuinely thought that baby was his, and now he can’t go through this with Quinn. He’s obviously upset about it. Even though he’s a dink in this episode I still feel bad for him about this.

Will going to the effort to look into Lady Gaga and actually getting excited about her.

What I Don’t:

I already said this, but Finn is a dink in this episode. He’s getting bullied by Karofksy and Azimio, and instead of calling them out on being homophobic and sexist and engaging in toxic masculinity, he just falls into it. He turns that abuse onto Kurt, who he clearly thinks is the one who deserves the abuse. And like, I don’t get why he’s so freaked out around Kurt. Yeah, it’s obvious that Kurt has a crush on him, but when has he ever tried to make a blatant, obvious move (kiss him, touch him, grab him, etc)? When has he given Finn any reason to be worried about changing around him, or even just sharing a room with him? It’s homophobia and toxic masculinity at it’s finest. Add the whole “I don’t wanna do Gaga cause I’m a Man” bullshit that’s thrown into this episode and it’s just a mess. While I’m happy they had Finn stand up for Kurt at the end and wear the Lady Gaga outfit, it still took him being told by an older, straight man that he was being a piece of shit and homophobic and offensive and gross for him to realize what was happening. Plus, I don’t think they gave Finn enough of a chance to really redeem himself. I mean, come on, it’s really easy to say sorry and put on an outfit; actually changing your attitude is more of an uphill battle. I wish they’d re-visited this more at a later date (though not in the way they did in “Duets” when Kurt brings it up and it somehow turns on Kurt and makes Finn look like the victim which……. Fuck off)

Will being the one to tell Shelby what she needs to do with Rachel.

Will agreeing with Finn about how they always do what the girls want when the girls literally always get sidelined. Literally fuck off. I can’t stand this “boo hoo my masculinity is too fragile to perform a song by a theatrical woman I need to perform a manly song instead” “you’re right, I’ve been turning this Boys Club into a Girls Club. Time to take our manhood back!” Ew.

Finn, Puck and Matt not being supportive of the girls when they performed their awesome Gaga number. I feel like this show did that a lot – the guys don’t understand a performer, so they don’t encourage their teammates. Then, when they do a number, the girls are super supportive and encouraging. It’s annoying.

Okay, even though Finn is a dink in this episode, I still think that they shouldn’t have told him about moving in with Burt and Kurt like that. This decision affects him too – Carole should have sat him down and asked him what he wanted to do, and if they disagreed then figured out how they could come up with a compromise.

Also, yet another missed opportunity for bi!Finn! This whole episode could have been an awesome way to show internalized homophobia, especially with that line at the end where Finn is like “I am different”. But whatever.

“My dad’s can’t sow. I really need a mom right now” I mean, not every woman knows how to sow, Rachel. You clearly don’t know how to sow. Why would you assume that just because she’s technically a mother that Shelby knows how to sow?

Songs:

Funny Girl: While Idina Menzel sounds amazing in this, I find it boring and too long. It’s emotional because of Rachel, but whenever Rachel isn’t on screen I lose interest.

Bad Romance: An amazing number!!! I love when they do actual group numbers, where a bunch of them get solo lines. I think everyone except Rachel and Brittany sing in this one, which is amazing! Plus the costumes and the choreography is awesome! My only gripe is changing “I’m a free bitch, baby” to “I’m a freak, baby”, which I don’t understand cause they say the word “bitch” on Glee all the time (they literally sing a song titled “Bitch” like come on).

Shout It out Loud: An entertaining performance that is all too forgettable. I honestly can’t remember most of what happened in it, and I literally just watched it.

Beth: This song always brings tears to my eyes. It’s such an emotional moment, and the song is so melancholy. Plus Puck sounds amazing (and while I understand why the put Finn’s verse in there I still lowkey wish it had been a Puck solo).

Poker Face: I have never liked this version of the song, and I probably never will. I don’t think it transfers well to acoustic at all. I honestly cringe a little listening to it because the lyrics and the melody just don’t match up. I strongly dislike this song. No thanks.

Final Thoughts: While I wish they had gone further on a few elements, overall this episode is really strong. It’s funny (a lot of great one-liners), it’s emotional, and (with a few exceptions) has really good music. It’s definitely my favourite episode of season one, and I’ve watched it as a stand-alone more times than I can count. I really, really like this episode.

[caseymalone]

Top 10 Games 2017

Here are my top 10 games for 2017! Minor spoilers for a few of them, but nothing major. You’ve been warned!

10. Resident Evil 7: BioHazard

There have been 27 Resident Evil games, including remakes, remasters, 3DS releases but excluding pachinko machines and Tiger Electronics handhelds. Of those near thirty games, Resident Evil 7 brings the total I’ve enjoyed to… two. I guess this is my way of saying that between being a huge scaredy cat and irked by the stuffy, smothering control scheme of the originals, there’s no nostalgia weighing me down whenever Capcom reinvents Resident Evil, first with Resident Evil 4, now again with 7.

But where Resident Evil 4 took the fantasy of being a special agent in a world full of monsters further than ever before, Resident Evil 7 drops it completely. In it, I’m a wimp, a nerd with a camera at the whims of this family of maniacs, trapped on their grounds by a drive to find my wife, who is changing into… something. Capcom smothers me with a pervasive sense of helplessness playing RE7, forcing me into a desperate scramble to escape the unstoppable Daddy (side note: “The Unstoppable Daddy” was my nickname in college). Filling me with absolute dread when the disgusting creature Marguerite becomes clambers through holes and onto walls. And forcing me to freeze up and take a deep breath at the sinking realization that my next goal is all the way across the grounds.with god knows what between me and it. Even the change to a first-person view means your helpless doesn’t stop at your ability to fight - you don’t even know what’s around you. Resident Evil 7 left me terrified and anxious throughout, which is saying something since  played it on Easy.

9. Gorogoa

It’s now an annual event that, despite a perception that Adventure Games are dead, someone releases a labor of love whose beauty and finesse showcase the best the genre has to offer. Gorogoa asks you to interact in the simplest terms - zoom in and out, or drag and drop. What makes Gorogoa special is that when I do those things, it feels like I’ve changed fundamental ways that I think. My perspective on the world has shifted about ten degrees to the left and all the rules are new. That combined with hand-drawn visuals, stark sound design and desolate narrative made Gorogoa a brief yet crucial experience for anyone looking to see games as more than loot-box dispensers.

8. Star Wars: Force Arena

Oops, speaking of Loot Boxes. Well, card packs? Is there a difference? Where have we come down on this? The conversation around gaming in 2017 has been dominated by a debate about the ethics of selling random pulls at cards, skins, characters, horses, buggies, whatever, and I’m going to level with all of you - my perspective is skewed. I make mobile free-to-play games, which use this mechanic, and I’ve been playing collectible card games since the Revised core set for Magic: The Gathering came out in 1994. So one way to look at my opinion is that I don’t have a problem with this way of selling people games, and a much less charitable one is that I’m fully indoctrinated. Either way, being able to get emotionally side-step this entire debate has lent me the clarity of mind to tell you all that Star Wars: Force Arena is good as hell.

Force Arena is the real-time, head-to-head gameplay of Clash Royale, but with direct control of a Hero, MOBA-style, then Star Wars’ed all the way up. Every system is implemented in a smartly and cleanly, facilitating my ability to get into the game and getting out of my so I can let people know my Han Solo deck is not to be flexed with. The whole thing is catnip for Ol’ Maloney over here, and I am straight rolling.

7. Star Wars: Imperial Assault - Legends of the Alliance

Is spaghetti a sandwich? Is Chewbacca a dog? Is Matt Kessler a mongoose? Is Legends of the Alliance, an app for Star Wars: Imperial Assault, a video game with physical components or a board game with a digital accessory? The line between board games and video games is get blurrier, as outstanding digital components have begun to take the place of cumbersome bookkeeping, or allow designers to add elements that would be impossible to achieve otherwise. Or, in the case of Legends of the Alliance, replacing the Imperial Player entirely.

Traditionally played as a team of rebels against a monolithic Imperial player, Legends of the Alliance turns Imperial Assault into a fully cooperative experience, running the campaign as a virtual dungeon master, setting up your next level and directing Imperial enemies to attack your heroes. But more than simply emulating a now missing player, Legends of the Alliance takes this chance to add something to the experience.

Without the app you bounce from one XCOM-esque tactical mission to the next, but now… now you go on non-combat missions. You make friends in the world. You feel a real sense of betrayal when you learn not all the Rebels are working for the greater good, and you deal with the emotional aftermath with other characters when the Empire manages to grind you under their heel. These things weren’t in the box of plastic and cards I bought years back - they were exclusively part of Legends of the Alliance, and creating new memories and experience while justifying asking you to bring your laptop to your tabletop.

6. Horizon Zero Dawn

There’s a vital sincerity to Horizon Zero Dawn. After borrowing mechanics liberally from Far Cry/Assassin’s Creed, adding giant robot dinosaurs, and then putting the voice actress behind Borderlands 2’s (in my opinion, brutally irritating) Tiny Tina front and center, it would have been so easy for Guerrilla Games to smarmy one-liner their way through this post-post-apocalypse adventure. Instead they cast that all aside to carefully bring you into a world without even a hint of irony.

At the center of the game is Ashly Burch’s Aloy, full of wounded confidence and strength tinged with kindness, a performance so natural yet thoughtful that Aloy stands above any other character in games this year. That sincerity doesn’t make Horizon a serious or grim affair - there’s jokes, and boy howdy is there a lot of flirting - but it serves to draw the player into the world, rather than establish a safe ironic distance from which both the player and the game can remain “cool.” Every choice shows that Guerrilla Games truly wants me to care about Aloy and the world of Horizon. It turns out I do.

5. HQ

For me, 2017 was a year of shared gaming experiences. I’ll get to the other two big ones below, but I’d be remiss if I didn’t include this nightmare of a Black Mirror episode, this scheduled dose of Quiz Daddy Scott Rogowski, this twice daily car crash with a cash payout, HQ.

For months at 3 PM, I’d jump into Discord with my friends and join in the collective hypnosis of a new game of HQ. We were beyond captivated. We had a million questions - who is Scott? Why does he vamp with the intensity of someone hosting at gunpoint? Where is he broadcasting this from? And when he’s not there, where the hell is Scott? Who is this rando who claims to be ‘Scott’s Boy’? How does the player count keep growing, and how does this thing make money? It was a mystery wrapped in tech startup poppiness and a screaming man in a suit, and we wanted to know everything about it.

Like any mystery, as we’ve learned more about Scott and HQ, our interest has waned and my friends have fallen off the Trivia Train. But for months, once a day we’d simultaneously drop everything and delve into it. Something nothing else in games or television has gotten us to do for years. Also, uh...

…

I’m playing a game called HQ Trivia. You should play too. Use my code “caseymalone” to sign up.

4. Super Mario Odyssey

In late October 2017, was there anything I needed more than some unabashed joy? A full-on celebration of bright colors, silly characters and bizarre hats? Super Mario Odyssey would be an incredible game at any time in history, but the timing of its release felt like more than just a game; it felt like a balm. A warm weighted blanket sewn from my old t-shirts, taking nostalgia and making it into something new, something calling me to come back and crawl under it all day, every day. A game that rewarded me for just being in the world, asking me to challenge myself at your own pace, issuing pats on the head and individually wrapped chocolates as a reward for just wandering around and doing my thing. 2017 was a year where Nintendo was dedicated to challenging what people expect from them with their hardware, their mobile ports, and another of their major franchises. When it came to Mario, though, Nintendo clearly just wanted to make people happy. And I’m so, so grateful for that.

3. Destiny 2 & 2. PlayerUnknown’s Battlegrounds

Destiny and Battlegrounds seem like pretty starkly different experiences, but what I got out of them in 2017 was the same - time with some of my best friends. Friends who live in Los Angeles, New York, New Jersey, England, San Francisco; people I never get to see, people I don’t even get to talk to that often. But those friendships got actually stronger this year through these games.

That wouldn’t be possible if the underlying games weren’t outstanding - Destiny 2’s shooting feels incredible, and its endless list of chores made sure there was always a mission for me to suck friends into, or a goal for me to help them out with. There aren’t (currently) many Strikes for us to go on, but honestly that helped - when you know all the beats, a zen-like state takes over and you can enjoy the lock-on and kickback of hand cannons without worry. All the while catching up, making goofs, or ranting about the state of the world without the game getting in the way.

Destiny 2’s not perfect - a lot of the changes made from Destiny to Destiny 2 to make it smoother and more welcoming turned solo play into a dull shade of its predecessor. But as a part of a Strike Team, Destiny 2 hums with efficiency, getting out of my way and letting me and my friends have fun.

And it would be second to none this year if wasn’t for PlayerUnknown’s Battlegrounds.

Battlegrounds is insane, it’s a fun-time mess-around machine paired with an intensely hardcore military shooter, a game that’s thirty minutes of a goofy chatroom capped off with two minutes of a game-ending firefight. Except for when that fire-fight lasts for twenty minutes and it’s the most intense experience of my life. I’ve had as much fun losing PUBG as I’ve had winning (the few times I’ve managed to snag a chicken dinner), and I’ve had even more fun when I die and get to stay in voice-chat to cheer on the rest of my squad, spectating through to the end.

While I don’t get much out of watching strangers stream on Twitch, I’ve been lucky that enough of my friends stream this game, for a while on an almost daily basis, that I had just as much fun watching them as actually playing it. I laughed so hard when friends would get motorcycles trapped in a tree, cheered when they’d have from-behind victories, and feel heartbreak when the squad’s last hope would get shotgunned from behind after escaping tough spot after tough spot. Somehow all these feelings were just as strong as when I was behind the controls myself. There’s magic in this game, which boggles the mind, because with its bugs and frankly generic style, it could not possibly look less magical.

I cannot fucking believe I’m typing this but it turns out the real game of the year was the friends I made along the way.

1. The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild

Just kidding, game of the year is The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild.

I always have less to say when I get to the top item on my list because what could I possibly say about Breath of the Wild that hasn’t been covered already? Nintendo stripped so much out of the Zelda series that honestly when I started playing it, I felt uncomfortable and exposed - what do you mean my weapons break? Wait, I don’t have to buy bombs, I just HAVE them? When are the DUNGEONS going to show up, what are these shines? I don’t like this at all. But as I bristled against those, I was slowly filling with wonder. Every canyon I walked out of, every corner I turned, every hole I climbed out of revealed a field with towns and caverns, or small forests full of unknown treasures and monsters.

Lots of games do open worlds, but where Skyrim feels like I could get lost in it, the Hyrule of Breath of the Wild feels like I am conquering it. In Skyrim I feel like I’m exploring the map - in Breath of the Wild, I’m making it.

I remember so clearly, late at night, climbing to the top of a bridge that crosses Lake Hylia. I don’t know why I was there, or what I thought might be at the top of the tower, but Nintendo put it there, so maybe. Maybe there was something. I climbed to the top and there wasn’t anything for me to take, but as I looked over towards the horizon, Hyrule stretched on forever. I felt overwhelmed with the possibility of disappointment - that I would feel the need to climb it all, that there wouldn’t be a thing for me at the top of most of those towers, under those rocks. And as I thought about that the music changed. From the water of the lake emerged Farosh, the lightning dragon, soaring, completely oblivious to me. He was beautiful, powerful, made me forget about any of my goals or collectibles and forced me to take in his majesty. Forced me to realize there were no rupees or arrows up there because this moment was my reward. And that there would be moments like this all throughout Hyrule. I just needed to go looking for them.

Near Misses: Injustice 2, Everybody’s Golf, Mario Kart 8 Deluxe

[doof-doofblog]

"I Want The World!"

Monday 23rd November 2020

Hello again everyone! Hope you're having a good week so far. This post will be following up on Monday's episode, hopefully by the end of this week I will have completely caught up. I just want to thank you for being so patient with me, it really does mean the world. I hope you are enjoying my blog as much I am, please feel free to give me any feedback on how to improve my blog, I'd love to hear your thoughts and opinions!

So this episode very interestingly begins with Lauren calling a mobile phone. At first we have no idea who's phone it is as the phone appears to have been left on a table at the Cafe. Luckily Ash is in the Cafe and notices it ringing and manages to see the name appear on the screen, suddenly Peter comes dashing in, relieved to have found his phone. He realises he has a missed call from Lauren, he explains to Ash that she is simply just an ex-girlfriend, to which she responds by instructing him to call her back. However there would be no need for him to do so as his phone begins to ring again, this time he answers, and it doesn't take long for him to realise that there's something seriously wrong, on the other end, Lauren appears to be in a state. From the sounds of it she claims there has been some kind of fire. Is there going to be some horrendous news that their son Louie has passed away in house fire? Or perhaps does it mean that Lauren and Louis are now homeless and she's desperate for his help?!

Meanwhile Linda and Max are entering the Carter's apartment, all prepped and ready for their children to have a second playdate. As they chat and share a giggle as they walk into the main living space, they're shocked to see Mick sat on the sofa waiting and listening to their arrival. Linda is visibly incredibly surprised to see her husband back, you sense the absolute awkwardness in the room as the tension between Mick and Max is very much in the air. They remain civil to each other however as Ollie runs in to see his Daddy. Max suggests to Linda that they arrange a playdate another time and he picks up baby Abi and leaves Mick and Linda to have some time on their own. In all honesty, I was expecting some kind of row about to happen, but instead, they express to each other how much they had missed one another.

Returning to the Cafe, Peter announces the devastating news that Lauren and Louie have lost their home in a house fire, from the sounds of it, they have lost everything. Peter is in complete dismay as he starts to panic and wonder what he can do to help. Bobby suggests approaching his Dad for some help, surely he wouldn't see his Grandson out on the streets and struggling. Peter seems a bit doubtful to follow Bobby's advice, but in all honesty, what other choice has he got?!

Meanwhile on the Square, Gray finds Tina approaching the house and stops her in the path as he informs her she that she left her hair straighteners on, Tina being Tina, she simply sees the positive side of things and mentions that at least she didn't set the house on fire. (Is that just a coincidence that in another part of the world, Lauren has actually had a house fire!) - Hmm, I don't know, that just kind of stood out for me there. Gray asks her in the politest way he can, to make sure she doesn't do it again, Tina playfully agrees to obey. Whilst this is taking place on one side of the Square, across the road, Kat is seen throwing a bucket of water over an undercover police car, obviously she did it on purpose, but she tells the officers that she didn't see them. She attempts to insult them by informing them the water came from her Nan's footbath! (Can I just say how much I love Kat's one-liners, she's come out with some brilliant ones recently and honestly, I'm just loving her right now! I am so so glad she's back on the Square!) - As she walks away, Phil approaches her and she's quick question when she's going to receive her half of the money they agreed on. However, Phil informs her that she won't be getting a penny after the stunt Kush pulled about threatening to grass both Ben and Phil up. Kat is clearly frustrated, it's not her fault that Kush messed it up, plus she was the one who came up with the idea in the first place. Will she fight to receive what she's owed?! As Phil walks away, Whitney approaches Kat from behind and pleads to her to try and talk to Kush, if he's going to making so much noise in their attic, eventually he's going to be found and it won't be good for him when he does, something tells me that Kat might convince him to go on the run?! What do you guys think? He can't stay in the attic forever, the police are out to get him and so are the Mitchells, if he was to escape somehow during the night, it may be his only chance of freedom.

At the Vic, Peter bursts in, in desperate need to speak to his Dad. Ian hears his son comes in and sarcastically questions "Where's the fire?!" Little did he know how serious that line would've been. Peter informs his Dad about the tragic news that in New Zealand, Lauren and Louie's house has completely burnt down and have been made homeless. Both Ian and Sharon are completely stunned to hear the news, Ian instantly assures his son he'll sort anything and everything he needs to help them. Peter is surprised but deeply grateful by his Dad's generosity. Peter leaves the Vic in attempt to get more shifts at the Cafe from Kathy just so he can earn some more money to send to Lauren, as Sharon looks to Ian and questions what his plan maybe for coming up with some funds for Lauren and Louie. It's interesting that Lauren doesn't want Max to know about their news, I mean surely Max would want to know whether his daughter and grandchild are safe or not, maybe in time Peter or Ian will reveal to him what has happened?!

Returning to the Carter's apartment, Mick reveals his eye injury to Linda and she's stunned to hear that while he was away seeing Lee, he got mugged by a group of youths, he informs her that luckily they didn't take anything. She passes him a bag of frozen peas to press against his eye. As he looks up, its clear to see he's got like a graze or mark of some kind just underneath his eyeball. He apologises to his wife for leaving in such a blip the way he did, but she is sympathetic towards her husbands and explains that she understands, as long as the break away helped him in some way. Now what Mick says next makes me feel, once again, that this is Mick and Linda that we've always loved - he removes the frozen peas from his eye and looks towards his wife, he then softly compliments her by saying that the more he looks at her, the more beautiful she is. (So sweet!) Once again they tell each other how much they missed each other and how it was for each of them being away from each other, for Mick it felt like a lifetime, whereas Linda playfully mentions that her week had flew by in her husband's absence. Linda then brings up the sensitive subject of Mick possibly going to see a doctor, but he reassures his wife that he doesn't need to see one and he's doing much better than he was.

At the Beale household, Kathy is also agreeing to help her Grandson out by giving him more shifts at the Cafe and maybe also Prince Albert. Peter is once again ever so grateful to his Nan for helping him out, it's only then that Kathy mentions how she wishes she could simply just give him the cash, but unfortunately, Ian has seen to that by his recent actions. Peter informs his Nan how much his Dad is willing to help, to which Kathy seems surprised, but maybe this could make them see him in another light? But the interesting question is, where is Ian going to find the money to also give to Peter? Considering he still owes Max and his Mum money - I swear to God, Ian is just digging and digging himself into a much deeper hole, isn't he?! Funnily enough, whilst this conversation is taking place, Ian finds Suki in the Cafe and tries to compromise - well actually no he doesn't - he basically informs her that he needs the other half of the money urgently as he's made promises to people, how Suki is not one to back out on her agreement so quickly, she informs Ian that he'll get his other half of the money as promised, once he's held up his part of their agreement. Ian is visibly irritable as he leaves the Cafe, but while their discussion has taken place, Ash has been watching them from behind and once Ian leaves the Cafe, Ash approaches her Mum questioning their friendship, however Suki plays it cool and comes up with the most ridiculous excuse (I think) that they were simply talking about fish and how Ian's portion sizes from his chippy were too small! In all honesty, who is going to believe that?! Ash is instantly looking suspicious of her Mother and Ian.

Meanwhile, up in Whitney's loft, Kush is continuously pacing and excursing to keep himself occupied, he appears to be completely on edge, he jumps out of his skin as there's a big bang and someone makes their way up into the attic. Kush is relieved to see it's just Whitney, as much as he's grateful to her to let him hide up there, he's desperate to know what's going on. He pleads for any news that Whitney may have about anything, she then informs him that police are parked up outside, whether they're watching the house or not remains to be seen, but Kush knows full well he can't make himself be seen, not just yet. He worries that his son, Arthur, will be asking for him, but Whitney tries to reassure him that Kat will think of something, even if it mean him coming out the back way. Suddenly there's another loud bang from downstairs and Whitney reveals that it'll be Dotty returning home, Dotty is also unaware about Kush being upstairs in the attic, Whitney pleads to Kush to keep quiet, they can't risk Dotty or anyone else finding out that he's up there.

Across the Square, Tina is gathering her belongings from the Ahmed's household, as she gathers her DVDs together, Iqra apologises for how things turned out, but she's also happy that Tina has managed to find a place to live and she can start looking forward. Suddenly, Kheerat enters the room looking for Ash, but Tina informs him that she's not there, and playfully makes up the excuse that she didn't want to help her move out. Kheerat is instantly interested to hear where Tina will be moving to, but as soon as Tina mentions she'll be living in the Atkin's household, Kheerat seems really wary and decides to take it upon himself to warn Tina about Gray. She of course seems a little confused, but Kheerat is adamant that Gray isn't who she think he is. Will Tina listen to Kheerat?! Will she be the one who uncovers his secret about Chantelle?! Or more tragically, will Tina be another one of Gray's victims? Will he become so angry with her and about her living arrangements/habits that he'll lash out as he did with Chantelle?! We know that Tina will be leaving soon, and I'm pretty sure it's been revealed that Luisa Bradshaw-White has filmed her final scenes as Tina Carter - what IS going to happen to Tina?!

At the park, Whitney and Gray have taken his children, Mack and Mia out for a play. As they watch the children kick a football around, interestingly the conversation actually turns to Tina. Whitney mentions how Gray has done a good thing taking both Shirley and Tina in, however he informs her that since moving in, Tina has turned his house upside down with her untidiness. Whitney understands his frustration as she seems to recall when she lived in the Vic, that Tina was the untidy one, but she then compliment's Gray be saying he's "The Hero of The Square" - (Hmm, if only she knew how her best friend died!) - she compliments how he has taken two damsel in distresses and how if he carries on the way he is, everyone is going to want a piece of him. His response to this is pretty intriguing - he comments that he didn't think anyone had noticed (maybe a bit of flirtation between him and Whitney there) - but then he pulls a really smug grin, as if like she's given his ego an absolute burst of confidence! (I know it was rumoured ages ago that he and Whitney were going to become an item, do we still think that is going to happen?)

At the restaurant, Mick and Linda are sat together at a table, it looks as if they're about to spend some quality time together after so long. However, Linda is looking a little nervous, and it's pretty obvious as to why as Max appears from the back. Things are still a little awkward between Max and Mick, Max begins to question Linda about more costumes for her business idea, of course Mick is completely unaware of his wife's new aspects for the future, he looks over to her and compliments that it's a good idea, but Linda simply shrugs it off and mentions that she's not even sure whether she'll go through with it. Max then takes it upon himself to ask whether Mick will be attending the Award Ceremony in Lucy Beale's name, Mick - pretty much- cuts him off abruptly and assures him that he wouldn't miss it for the world! To make Max remove himself from the conversation, Linda asks him for some water for the table, Max seems to get the hint and walks away. She then tries to talk properly to her husband about their children, mentioning Lee and Nancy, but suddenly, Bobby walks in and instantly apologises to Max for being so late, but unfortunately he drops the bombshell to Max about the fire that Lauren has had in New Zealand, Max is clearly worried by this news and is instantly wanting to know more, he dashes out in search for answers, leaving Bobby to run the restaurant on his own.

Meanwhile, at the Prince Albert, Ash is questioning Peter whether there's any update on the situation in New Zealand, as he serves her drinks. Peter seems to be a lot more relaxed after speaking with his Dad, he confides in Ash and mentions that things are looking a little better now that Ian has promised to help him out with money. However, Ian sluggishly makes his way into the bar, looking a little disappointed, Peter questions what's brothering his Dad, but Ian comes clean to his son and admits he's been trying all sorts of way to raise some quick money for Lauren and Louie, but he hasn't had much luck. Peter is clearly very disappointed, Ian proposes whether they'll be able to wait a week or two so he can raise some money, but that simply isn't good enough as Peter states that they need the money now! Ian once again apologises to his son and suggests maybe he takes out a loan or something in an attempt to help Lauren. He walks out leaving the bar and leaving Peter feeling absolutely devastated.

Back in Whitney's attic, Kat has finally managed to to find the time to see Kush. However she's not in the best of moods, she's feeling pretty annoyed and questions his actions on threatening the Mitchell family. Kush is quick to defend himself and states that he only threatened Callum, but Kat then explains the rest of the jigsaw to him, that Callum is Ben's boyfriend, who has only gone and told his Dad everything, so that's 3 people out for them now, including the police. She then gives Kush the devastating truth that Phil is unwilling to pay them their share of the money, so basically they are now back to square one - they are struggling to pay their rent and now they're criminals and Kush is a wanted man! Kush is visibly defeated, it's devastating how things have turned out for them, they had one chance of changing their life and Kat blames Kush for blowing it!

Ooooh is anyone else going to be fearing for Tina now?! She needs to make sure she's watching herself whilst living with Gray! She arrives home to see Gray and Whitney serving up a pizza and alcohol, Gray questions where she's been and she reveals she's been to the charity shop to sell off some of her old belongings, she announces that she has officially moved in. However, when Gray proposes a toast with champagne, Tina comments that she'll have to take a photograph of the moment to show Kheerat, as soon as Gray hears that name, his face goes very serious and he asks her why she'd have to do that. Tina then reveals, shyly and confusedly, that Kheerat mentioned that she should watch herself whilst she's around him, but Whitney laughs it off and comments that Kheerat is just jealous. But something is deeply telling me that Gray is going to have it in for Tina, he's going to be watching her every move - just like he did with Chantelle. Will Tina be Gray's second victim and succumb to his terrifying angry lash outs?!

Returning to the Beale household, Peter is sat alone with his laptop, it looks as if he's trying to apply for a loan, as he scrolls down the page, suddenly a notification appears on the laptop, he looks a bit closer and it appears to be an email confirming the Ian's final will and testament. Suddenly, Ash arrives wanting to check if he was okay, as she comes closer she can see that Peter has been crying. Peter is in absolute shock, he announces that his Dad was never going to help him with the money for Lauren, he turns the laptop around to show Ash and she too can't believe what she's reading. It's then Peter realises that he hasn't been mentioned in his Dad's final will and testament. He begins to feel that he doesn't even matter, even though Ash tries to reassure him that he does, but as far as he sees it, not according to his Father he doesn't. Is it a mistake? Will Ian have a valid reason for leaving Peter out of his will? I do hope there will be some logical explanation. Even though Ian has been a bit awful recently, it's just down right low to not involve his child in his will?! Right?!

Back at their apartment, Mick and Linda are trying to wind down. Mick makes himself comfortable on the sofa and lies back and she gives him a glass of wine. This scene I feel was a bit cute but also questionable. As Mick lies back and gets comfortable, he addresses how happy he is to be back with his wife. Linda also expresses how happy she is to have him back also, she then tries to be romantic and suggests they spend some time together to get reacquainted before Ollie comes home, however when she looks over to her husband, it looks as if he's simply drifted off to sleep. She smiles and wraps a warm blanket around him and softly welcomes him home. But as she walks away to the bedroom, Mick opens his eyes every so slowly - Now, I'm beginning to question - why did he ignore his wife? Why did he pretend to be asleep? Does he not want to make love to her? Is he doubting her friendship/relationship with Max? Who knows? But something tells me that there is something clearly on his mind.

The final scene of this episode, we return to the Beale household. I did think this was a powerful and an emotional monologue by Peter. In this one piece of speech he tries to recall his memories of his childhood with Lucy. He reveals how upsetting it is for him not being able to interact with his twin anymore, he can't touch her or talk to her anymore. He reveals that no matter what Lucy got up to, she was always their Dad's favourite child. He describes his role was being the one to look out for his sister, the one who would be there to make their family complete. He admits that he's never done any wrong to anyone, not intentionally. Plus he's always done right by his Dad and his family. He can't understand why his Dad has left him out of his will, he even confirms that he's checked it over and over again and still can't find his name anywhere in the document. But the one thing that seems to upset him more than anything is that the one person who caused their family so much sadness and pain, the one person who did the worst possible thing to their family IS actually on their Dad's will - Bobby! He can't seem to understand how someone who did something so horrendous, has been given a second chance at life and make something of themselves and in his words "Be given the world!" But it looks as if he's not going to stand for it, even though he's tried his best to accept Bobby, this must've been the one thing he cannot agree and stand by and watch - he wants to be given as much praise and chance as Bobby has!

What do you think Peter will do? Will he jeopardise Bobby's charity Award Ceremony in their sister's name? Will he confront his Dad about the Will? Something tells me that Peter will be out for some kind of revenge against his younger brother, but what exactly? Overall a very interesting episode! What do you guys think? I hope you've enjoyed reading! I'll be back again tomorrow following up on Tuesday's episode! Enjoy the rest of your evening folks! xXx  

[bishopja]

Week 10

When I was fifteen years old I had a friend called Tom (not his actual name).

We first met at our local youth theatre group and I immediately knew that I wanted to align myself with his particular brand of genius. I never told Tom, but I was always in awe of his effortless humour and obvious creative spark, all the more remarkable considering he was a year younger than me. We became a bit of a double-act in the group, regularly pairing up for performances à la Tina Fey and Amy Poehler, but always with a quiet acknowledgement on my own part that I was the lesser genius of the pair.

I strove to impress Tom. When he revealed - at fourteen, mind you - that he was writing his own sitcom as a hobby and he wanted me to co-write it with him, I jumped at the chance. This is where I first cut my teeth writing scripts. He would devise all sorts of insanely original storylines and gags and I would go home and cobble them all together into screenplays. I put forth my own ideas, of course, but it was obvious to me that they never quite stacked up to Tom’s wit and they rarely made the cut. This never really bothered me and only gave me more drive to improve as a writer.

I developed a writing method and started carrying a little book around - at school and out and about - where I would write down ideas as they came to me with an eye to show Tom and put them in the show. It must have been a creatively fruitful time for me because I was filling out roughly a page of ideas a day, all neatly jotted into this half-exercise book that fit snugly into my massive pockets that were in vogue at the time (vale cargo pants).

I was so proud when Tom would approve of these ideas, even if he never seemed to approve of my method of accumulating and recording them like some sort of office clerk. His genius came effortlessly and in the moment, without toil or happenstance. Tom didn’t need a notepad - his jokes just came to him. Still, it was my method, and even beyond that I could feel myself getting a better grasp on my own style and work ethic - all to impress the biggest artistic role-model I had met to that point in my life.

Nothing came of that sitcom (obviously), and after I left the theatre group Tom and I never really saw each other, although I would look forward to seeing him on some light-entertainment program in years to come, shilling his newest work of genius like the star I knew he’d be. He let me in on his talent for a brief moment and I appreciated that for how it pushed me to grow and do better as an artist.

But, shortly after this, something happened that changed it all. Something that would make me re-evaluate the grounds of mine and Tom’s creative partnership and the sincerity of his influence on my own artistic endeavour. Something that was at first confusing - as it slowly unfolded over weeks - then ultimately disheartening and even a little sinister as the true nature of it all became clear.

What happened is, I started watching Seinfeld.

I don’t need to give you a bio on the greatest sitcom of all time, other than to say that I didn’t start watching it until I was about 18 years old. Catching a bunch of re-runs one day, I was kicking myself at not discovering the brilliance of this show in its original run. In my childhood, I had always written it off as a show about people in New York talking about nothing - which is, of course, exactly what it is. I guess I never realised that that is precisely why it was so subversive compared to anything else that had come out to that point, and ultimate proof that a threadbare conceit is all it takes to create good art, like a one-act play or the simple verse-chorus of a Beatles classic.

One night I was in fits of laughter at a sticky situation one of the characters had gotten themselves into when it occurred to me that I had seen it before. Not in another show or some old movie. No - it was one of Tom’s ideas. What’s more, it didn’t just bear a casual similarity, the scenario on the screen was a verbatim retelling - or perhaps original telling - of one of the storylines from our old sitcom. It was downright spooky.

Over the weeks, as I binged through the show, it only got worse. Seemingly every episode revealed more and more plagiarisms on Tom’s part. Lines of dialogue, entire plots - watching the complete run of Seinfeld was like sitting through Tom’s greatest hits. Every scenario in our own sitcom, every gag I remember him telling me, every effortless one-liner he delivered in casual conversation - it could all be traced back to Jerry, George, Kramer and Elaine. Not only did he have me rewriting Seinfeld, he had me fooled all along as to the extent of his “genius” - a genius that amounted to nothing more than some kid who obviously worshipped a show and passed its brilliance off as his own without shame.

I was angry at myself. I was such a fool. I had always been frustrated at never matching up to his talent, unaware that I was only sandbagging myself the whole time by committing the sin of fucking originality. Learning that one of your idols is a fraud is a strange feeling - rather like listening to one of Paul McCartney’s solo albums, or discovering that your beloved childhood dog was just a bunch of rats stitched together the whole time to form a convincing dog-like shape (poor analogy, I know - again, sin of originality).

We had a theatre group reunion a couple of years ago and I had planned to bring it up. I wasn’t going to accuse him or anything like that - maybe just broach the subject and see his response. Something along the lines of “man, I was watching Seinfeld last night, what a great show!” or something else equally banal and obvious. I didn’t want a reaction necessarily, or an admission of guilt - I think I just wanted to know why he did it. Did he think I would never watch the show? Why would he rather steal from the greats instead of forge his own path? Was he intimidated by me the whole time, much like I was him, and it was all he could do to earn my admiration?

I steeled myself to confront him at the reunion - but, alas, he wasn’t there. In fact, I haven’t seen him or spoken to him since I made the discovery. A part of me was relieved, I think, at not having to dig it all up again. It remains today an embarrassing lesson in the potential pitfalls of creative collaboration, idol worship, and life.

In the years since, it’s been hard to reconcile Tom’s influence on me creatively with the complete absence of integrity in which that influence held. We actually made some great stuff together (that wasn’t pilfered from an NBC writing room), and it was the first time I caught the bug of writing for performance, after all. I don’t judge him for pulling the wool over my eyes - people do some weird things in their teenage years - but I do know that I will always strive to commit the sin of originality.

I will never be like Tom.

[cherylandjasonblossom]

MTV News: Riverdale Star Breaks Down Cheryl And Betty's Twisted Relationship

MADELAINE PETSCH ON HOW CHERYL BLOSSOM IS MORE THAN SOME ‘STOCK CHARACTER FROM A ’90S TEEN MOVIE’

Cheryl Blossom is the ruthless queen bee of Riverdale High. She's the captain of the River Vixens, the most popular (and hated) girl in town, and a master of manipulation. She's also completely miserable.

It would be easy to write Cheryl off as little more than a direct disciple of mean girls Heather Chandler and Regina George, cold and calculating and drop-dead gorgeous. But on Riverdale, the school's "bereaved red widow" has more bite than that. One minute she seems genuinely devastated over her twin brother Jason's murder; the next, it appears as though it's all one masterfully executed facade. That's what makes Madelaine Petsch's performance so delightful: you never know what Cheryl's going to do next. Will she break, or clap back with an astutely merciless pop-culture witticism?

In tonight's episode of Riverdale ("Body Double"), we get a little of both. Cheryl makes a shocking confession about her brother's death, one that paints a picture of a "broken little girl who lost the love of her life," Petsch tells MTV News. She'll also have a chance to start anew with her favorite punching bag, Betty (Lili Reinhart). MTV News has the scoop in our interview with Petsch below.

Cheryl is such a fascinating character because on the surface she's a "stock character from a ’90s teen movie," as Veronica puts it, but there's more to her than that. One minute she's ruthless and the next she's crying in the locker room. Do you think of her as an antagonist?

Madelaine Petsch: When I got the audition, it said, "The villain." So that's what I originally walked into it thinking, but when I read the script for the pilot, I realized that she's just this broken little girl who lost the love of her life: her brother. She doesn't know how to navigate through these waters alone, so she just lashes out at people for no apparent reason other than the fact that she's miserably alone. Her family and her have a terrible relationship. She doesn't have any friends; her only friends are Ginger and Tina, who are ready to walk over her at any moment to get where they want to be. So she's just really alone. She feels like she's in charge, but in reality everyone hates her.

And she's incredibly vulnerable.

Petsch: That's why she takes every moment she can, like that moment with Veronica, where she can be consoled by that person, but it's also embarrassing to her because she's so used to being the queen bee. Now that this is happening to her, she's embarrassed. It's a very embarrassing time for Cheryl — and it only gets more embarrassing from here.

Cheryl is obviously heartbroken over Jason's death, and as much as the show is trying to convince us that Cheryl is the killer, I don't buy it. She loved her brother. But maybe she didn't know her brother as well as she thought she did?

Petsch: Cheryl stands behind everything she's ever said about Jason. As creepy as their relationship was, it was real. She truly loved him, and he's the only one that has ever shown her any sort of real love before. She thought the world of him. He was the golden boy. But that facade is going to start breaking down, and breaking her down, as some of Jason's impurities come to light.

And the ongoing mystery surrounding his death is the arc of Season 1?

Petsch: Yes! That mystery will be solved by the end of the season. We're all dying to know. Roberto [Aguirre-Sacasa], the showrunner, teased that we were going to shoot alternate endings so that no one would know who really did it.

Cheryl gets some of the best one-liners on the show. She also talks incredibly fast. Was it difficult to find that rhythm at first?

Petsch: That was a character choice for me. Cheryl's going a mile a minute all the time. I have a different voice for Cheryl, too. She's very manic when her facade is on, and then when she's broken down, and she's in that vulnerable place, she's more grounded.

That scene between Cheryl and Veronica, with Betty watching from a distance, was one of my favorites in Episode 2 because this is a show that really celebrates female friendships. Those moments are really powerful. Even when Cheryl is at her worst, you can see why she's doing it. She just wants friends.

Petsch: Absolutely. You can see that in the amount of times I pop up randomly in the main gang. Cheryl always shows up unexpectedly and unannounced, and that's because she wants to be a part of that. She doesn't go about it in a regular way. She's not being nice and asking to hang out; she's crashing the party. She ends up getting snippy because she wanted to be included. She feels like she doesn't belong anywhere, but in reality, if she sat down with them and said, "Hey, guys, I don't have any friends, and I want to hang out with you and get to know you," I guarantee you that every one of those four would say, "Absolutely, Cheryl. Let's get to know you."

Cheryl and Betty have a complicated relationship. Cheryl loves to tear Betty down. Do you think she does that because maybe she's jealous of Betty?

Petsch: Cheryl is not the good girl, and she's never been seen as the good girl. Betty is the antithesis of that, and Cheryl finds that very fascinating. She wants to see how hard she can push Betty until she breaks, so she can say, "See? Nobody's perfect." But Betty never breaks — until that moment when Betty tells Cheryl to get the fuck out of her house. I think Cheryl really likes that. She's scared for her life in that moment, but she also appreciates the way Betty went about it. She just wants Betty to stand up for herself.

Source: Crystal Bell at MTV News

[golden--doodler]

I saw you in my inbox and must immediately go to yours 🥺 Gotta ask you who your favorite Belcher is AND your top 10 favourite side characters 🤌

Oh no, you gave me another hard one! I guess this is going to be another long one, hahaha, get ready.

As for who my favorite Belcher is, that is so tough, almost too tough for me to answer because that changes for me every day, and I love all of the Belchers for very different, specific reasons. Tbh, I relate to all of them on some level. However, if I HAVE to choose, I will choose two, because I am still that indecisive.

I have to go with Linda as one because of her endless optimism and her constant singing spouts, because who hasn't wanted to break out into song like her every once in a while? Honestly, her outros for the show are the best. The one for "Wharf Horse" Part One? COME ON. She is just THAT girl, and she knows it--she is hilarious, she's honestly quite pretty (gotta love her in that blue dress she wore in "An Indecent Thanksgiving Proposal") and when you have her affection, she's with you for life, and will go to the ends of the earth for you. She will literally help you hide the evidence of a murder and go on the run for you, she is THAT loyal. Like, seriously, she planned what she would do to help Bob if he ever murdered Teddy, oh my god. And even just her support for the smaller things, like helping Bob with his dream to run the restaurant (okay, maybe this doesn't count as SMALL, but still). She is ALWAYS there to help him have a little light in his life when he needs it. She's always down to have a little fun and spice things up--I mean, who else would come up with "sexy cooking" and a "strip tease" on Valentine's Day? She's so freaking giving, to the point where it's even a detriment to her, as seen in "Terminilator II: Terminals of Endearment", where she let her mom walk all over her because thought that's what she needs to do as their daughter, which is not the case (I'm really glad Bob got upset about this for her, but I really wish she'd actually seen how terrible her parents are). I love all of her little quirks, and she is totally someone I would want to marry or at the very least be friends with irl. I think my Bisexuality is showing with this one, haha.

My second Belcher whom I love will probably be a much less popular opinion. I almost chose Tina for this one, but honestly, I have to go with Gene. He's the Belcher kid who's the most similar to Linda, so I guess that makes sense. I do sorta get why he's not everyone's favorite, but I just can't help but have the biggest soft spot for this guy. His jokes/one-liners are consistently funny, and he always provides the best levity when a scene needs it ("Nature boner!"). Plus, I really relate to his adoration of music even though he's actually not even good at it. Also, just him questioning his love of music was just super interesting overall. But his being objectively not great at playing chords doesn't even matter, because of his sheer passion--and it's this passion that led him to create the BEST songs in the entire show. I mean, "Electric Love"? "Work Hard or Die Trying, Girl?" "Turkey, I Need You Beside Me?" You love to see it. These all came from his unadulterated love for music, and I think that's kind of beautiful. I also relate a lot to his love of food, especially during the episode "Diarrhea of a Poopy Kid", where "Turkey, I Need You Beside Me" came from. I mean, I'm the kind of person who pays extra close attention to expiration dates and would never eat expired food (one of my pet peeves is actually when people say expiration dates are a myth), but the fact that all he wanted throughout the episode was to enjoy some of his dad's cooking with his family together on Thanksgiving is just... yeah, I feel that. It's also just so wholesome. Speaking of wholesomeness, I don't know, Gene just feels a little wholesome to me. Besides Tina, he's the nicest of the kids, and usually, despite his non-sequiturs and jokes, he just wants to do right by people, especially people like his dad, which he outright says in "Best Burger". Just him wanting Bob to be proud of him and not see him as a screw-up is so 🥺

Okay, this is already super long, oh god. Onto my ten favorite side characters!

1.) Gonna start out with Sergeant Bosco. I recently watched a compilation of him and remembered how much I love this guy, he's just so freaking funny. I love how he's a cop who's super incompetent and still gets the job done somehow--he's terrible yet great at his job, which is amazing. Especially loved how he tried to give advice on how Linda should do speed-dating in "My Fuzzy Valentine", and then almost arrested Linda for stealing his gun. And just his entire role during "Bob Day Afternoon", trying to take the phone from a screaming Louise, pffffft.

2.) Gotta mention Nat the Limo Driver! Mainly because she's LGBTQ+ and that's wonderful, love that for her. She hasn't appeared that often at all, but the few appearances she's made have been pretty great. I loved seeing her try to win her ex-girlfriend back, and her being super nice and trying to help find that darn ring in the waterpark during "The Ring (But Not Scary)". Also just the fact that she casually was transporting a snake to the aforementioned ex-girlfriend is hilarious.

3.) Regular-Sized Rudy, my beloved! He's so precious all around, I love him and everything about him. I adore how he's such an antithesis of Louise, being pretty much everything one would expect a typical fourth-grader is like, with the added bonus of unfortunately having asthma. He probably only gets a point taken away from being obsessed with Chloe Barbash, but it's fineeeeeeeee. I find the fact that he's a child of divorce super interesting as well, I don't think it'll ever get super explored, but some more on that would be cool, specifically how it's affected him mentally. He's definitely the kind of friend that Louise needs. Also shoutout to his stuffed flounder, Pancake.

4.) I have to acknowledge Gayle Genarro, Linda's younger sister. We all know Gayle. We all love to hate Gayle. Okay, hate is probably too strong a word, but she is just such an enigma of a human being that I kind of love it. Every time she's used, she's so funny and completely freaking unhinged. Sometimes it's hard to believe she and Linda are sisters, and other times it makes perfect sense. I love her saying that Linda is her "best friend and mortal enemy" in "The Pumpkinening". Honestly, that might be my favorite episode she's in. Well, besides maybe "Topsy" or that episode where she helped get Louise a filling at the dentist (I think it's "The Kids Run Away"?). But I just really like her in "The Pumpkinening" because of how close she and Linda are shown to be, and how she admits to actually loving Linda at the end. It's surprisingly a super sweet moment for this otherwise crazy, but lovable character. Everything about her and Mr. Business is top tier.

5.) Zeke! I don't know, there's something about this boy that's really grown on me over time, I want to give him some appreciation. His way of talking and his voice are so recognizable, and I love it, and I can't really explain why? But yeah, if Tina can't get with Jimmy Jr., I might just vote for her and Zeke to be a thing. I think that ship is actually getting to me, but I don't know yet. Anyway, I think we should learn more about his family history because it actually sounds really complicated and sad, yet interesting? Gotta love how much he adores his grandma and step-mom, Cheryl, that's really sweet. And him eventually being the mad pooper for Tina in "Broadcast Wagstaff School News" was great. Ooh, and learning that he has a perfect palate in "Bob and Deliver" was also great.

6.) You gotta love Teddy. He's Teddy, everyone's favorite iconic handyman (side note, that commission you did of him and Teddiursa the Pokémon was so adorable and perfect)! I NEED to know the backstory of how he met Bob and Linda, and how he fell in love with Bob's burgers. And also how it's possible that he STILL thinks their last name is Burger. He and Kathleen are actually a very sweet couple, and he's just a very loving person in general. Like Linda, he's so loyal until the end and will do ANYTHING for Bob and his family and the restaurant, even if he does get on their nerves from time to time. However, it's all out of pure love and respect for the restaurant. He's just so genuinely invested in all their lives, it can get a little weird sometimes, but for the most part, it's wholesome as heck. Love how he also got invested in the whole storyline Linda made up for the raccoons in their alley. And how he stood up for Tina when he babysat them in that one episode.

7.) Mr. Fischoeder is just... what a guy. I just saw the new April Fool's Day episode, and it made me love him even more. He's always hilarious and iconic all around, I mean, how can you not appreciate him? He doesn't seem like a great person to have as your Landlord, but just as a person, he's great. His rivalry with Felix will always be a great staple of the show, and the way he was so chill about almost dying at Felix's hands in the two-part Season 4 finale is so great. How many times has Felix attempted murder on him for him to be so calm about it? Just his random ideas in general, like in "The Oeder Games" and "To Bob, or Not to Bob" are great, as well as his overall presence. I will always love his singing in "Topsy". His Christmas song about Bourbon is top-tier, as is his outro song about being put into a volcano after he's gone so he can stay around in some sort of way.

8.) Okay, fine, I want to acknowledge Mr. Frond, too. Is he a terrible guidance counselor? Well, yes. But is he hilarious? Also yes. That brief time he dated Gayle was so strange yet so entertaining. That one scene where he made that poor kid, Nicholas, admit his deepest darkest secret because he wanted people to say if the hurricane was caused by "something bad they did"?? Oh my lord. His interactions with Louise will always be gold, especially when that one exchange where he says "You're in trouble" and Louise tells him to "Drink more cranberry juice" (Not "Urine Trouble!" >:( ). Also, his entire role in the "My Butt Has a Fever" short is perfection in terms of comedy. Him getting THAT upset over the song only to end up with it stuck in his head too and humming it later? Yup.

9.) Ms. Labonz doesn't have the right to be so funny. Why is she so funny? God. I love how she's just done with everyone 24/7, especially the aforementioned Mr. Frond, and her role in "Touch of Eval(uations)" is actually really nice. I love her telling Louise that she knows Louise is smart and capable, and just needs to apply herself more, and it ending with her getting that brand new parking spot is actually pretty well deserved. Also, she is definitely a heavy smoker. Might want to get your lungs checked out, Ms. Labonz, no offense.

10.) Consider this last space a tie between Hugo Habercore and Jimmy Jr. I couldn't go through this list without Hugo, because even though he is terrible (come on, man, chill for a second, let the Belchers live their lives in peace), man is he funny. His role in the pilot episode "Human Flesh" is iconic in and of itself, his lines are so quotable there. I'm honestly super curious about how he met Linda, and what their relationship was like while it was still going on. I'm also curious about how he became a health inspector and how he met Ron. Is it weird that I almost want him and Ron to have something going on? It sounds so random, and it is, but I don't know, he just needs someone to be with to get over Linda and be a happier/better person, and I like their dynamic. He did have that girl he went on a blind date with in "Romancing the Beef", but she's never seen or mentioned again. As for Jimmy Jr., this was a tough call. There were so many people I wanted to mention but couldn't (I mean, the Pesto twins, Courtney, Jocelyn, Mort, MARSHMALLOW--I'm so sorry I didn't put you on the list, Marshmallow) but I decided to go with Jimmy Jr. Your appreciation for him is rubbing off on me. The guy definitely needs to get better at actually committing (he IS at his worse in "V For Valentine-Detta") and I don't know if I want him to be the one for Tina, I don't think he should, but I don't know, whenever he has a genuine interaction with Tina, it just... ah. It kinda gets to me. It makes me wish he were better so they could actually just be a couple. Lord knows Tina has been wanting him long enough. Seriously girl. But yeah, I love his dancing and his general weird-but-doesn't-care-what-others-think-of-him vibe. Like in the movie when he tried to get a chicken nugget in his mouth just so he could say he did it. That's peak comedy. I love his role whenever he's in an episode, especially in "What About Job?" when Tina made him the villain just because he refused to share gum with her--he also is just a very entertaining villain. I feel like he's so close to being someone who Tina could be with, but is never right there. Oh well.

Side note: Him asking Tina on a genuine frozen yogurt date in the April Fool's Day episode is actually so sweet, what the heck.

This got way too long oh no. I hope you're able to read all of this and get some enjoyment out of it! I tried to condense it but found I had way too many thoughts on these characters. I love them all so much. I probably forgot to mention a few things and made a few mistakes, but here it is.

[icegoddessrukia]

Mike for the Glee ask

Favorite quote: "Everyone knows I'm here to do one thing: dance. You sing and I'll dance around you"

Favorite one-liner: "We should go to Asian couples therapy" or "Stay away from my woman!" (to Beiste)

Favorite solo: I had to actually look this up to find out what he sang in because he got so few singing parts. The only lead vocal he ever had was Sing! but I love that song anyway so it would be that

Favorite duet: Sing! with Tina. I was gonna say "I've Gotta Be Me" with Finn but that wasn't exactly a duet, it was just Finn singing and Mike doing his thing. Still a great performance though

Favorite person to ship them with: Tina. I think he loved Tina unconditionally despite her drama and it tore him up when they broke up - and I like to believe they do end up getting back together after the finale

Favorite episode they were in: Hold On To Sixteen closely followed by Duets

Favorite scene: When he has that mini argument with Tina in the library in Duets. It was just so ridiculous and the epitome of Tike being silly

Favorite BrOTP: Fike or Bike. I know we don't see much of their friendships on the show but I like to think he was childhood friends with Finn and Brittany. I think he'd be the smart/chill guy to balance out Finn's dumbassery and Brittany would be one of his few close female friends that he just chats with from time to time because they were in a lot of the same dance classes plus he thinks she's just a really cool girl and they get each other.

Favorite storyline: Him trying to pursue his dream of dancing and gaining his parents' acceptance

A song I wished they had sung: I wish he had sang Tonight from West Side Story with Tina. Their voices would sound so good together on that.

Opinion of this character: Mike is cool and he never really got involved in the drama of the other characters but I like to think he was secretly judging them and cracking shady jokes with Tina or Brittany. He's yet another Glee character who had big potential but sadly got ignored.

[gencottraux]

(Sensitive readers beware: fear factor ahead!)

Christmas time is here…and I love the holidays. The carols, the decorations, the over-the-top store displays, the Hallmark Channel movies–I love all of it. As I’ve gotten older, I don’t do as much myself. Our Christmas tree is still outside in a bucket waiting for us to have time to bring it inside. I haven’t done any shopping. But I still love to soak it all in wherever I go. I have Pandora on the James Taylor Holiday Channel, from which I’ve realized I actually like singers Josh Groban and Michael Buble (yes, Cathy and Ellen, you told me so).

  Like so much of what happens around me anymore, the atmosphere has launched a bit of nostalgia and longing for the Christmas of my childhood. So much excitement! Such specific rituals we followed, and the slow pace that kept an anxious kid like me all pent up, but in a good way. My mother always made us each a special outfit for Christmas day. I specifically remember a red velvet top with a lace collar and pants to match that I wish I still had (in my current size) and a pink velvet midi-dress festooned with pink satin ribbons. I did go through a serious pink phase. And apparently a velvet one, too.

Little me with a not very merry or healthy looking Santa.

Oh, the wishes for such treasures as a Lite-Bright and an Easy-Bake Oven, which were never met.

Vintage 1967 Lite-Brite.

Vintage 1960 Easy-Bake Oven.

Or the ones I did get that I wanted so badly. Like the Beautiful Crissy Growing Hair Doll. I loved Crissy so. She had a push-button on her tummy that you could use to wind up her hair to be short or pull it out to be long. As my own hair is always transitioning from long to short or short to long, I was fascinated by this insto-chango approach to hair.

  This is where things are going to take a weird turn. Around about 1970 or so, I really wanted a ventriloquist dummy for Christmas. I found one in the toy section of some department store catalog and made sure everyone knew that was what I wanted.

The Danny O’Day model. I had to have it. Him. Whatever.

You know the 1966 book A Christmas Story by Jean Shepherd, made into the popular 1983 film of the same name?

All Ralphie Parker wants is a Red Ryder Carbine Action 200-shot Range Model air rifle. Set in 1940 in Indiana, the story of Ralphie and his friends Flick and Schwartz and his attempts to evade the bullies Scut Farkus and Grover Dill and Ralphie’s efforts to convince all of the adults in his life that an air rifle is a great idea and that he won’t shoot his eye out. At the end, Ralphie gets his Red Ryder, and remarks that it was the best Christmas ever.

Best Christmas ever. 

Enter me as Ralphie and Danny O’Day as my Red Ryder. The fact that I even wanted a ventriloquist dummy is very strange. I am afraid of clowns and killer Chucky-style dolls. I watched way too much of The Twilight Zone when I was up past my bedtime. There are 2 episodes that feature evil ventriloquist dummies: The Dummy and Caesar and Me. Then there’s a movie I vaguely remember with a mentally disturbed girl and the dolls and stuffed animals in her room that talk to her. They don’t say happy things. Or maybe that was The Twilight Zone, too. No, wait, the Twilight Zone with the murderous doll is the called Living Doll, featuring Talky Tina. This is the stuff of my nightmares.

    Again, what made me think I wanted Danny O’Day? Did I think I might have talent as a ventriloquist? Well, I got Danny O’Day, and it was NOT the best Christmas ever. I unwrapped the package, I opened the box, and I screamed. At least I think I did. I know I wanted to. But I dutifully spent the day pretending I loved Danny (who I renamed Charlie) and trying my best to follow the instructions on ventriloquism that came with him. I had no apparent talent for it. And then it was bedtime. I left Charlie in the living room, under the Christmas tree. And stayed awake all night positive that he was going to creep down the hall to my bedroom and kill me if I went to sleep.

He didn’t look that evil. If you start online searching for images of ventriloquist dummies, there are many much creepier examples.

Maybe it was his evil influence over me, but I surprisingly kept Charlie for years. We moved cross-country. We moved several more times. I went to college. I got married. And I still had Charlie. I kept him packed in a trunk (yes, that’s what the idiot humans in all the scary shows do, too, and it doesn’t work), sure he was going to get out eventually.

I had other scares, like the time I was home alone watching television and the trailer for the movie Magic (1978) came on. I turned my head and closed my eyes and tried to block it out. The mute button hadn’t been invented yet, and somehow it didn’t occur to me to immediately change the channel. Charlie-fear reared it’s evil, ugly head. The film is based on a book written by William Golding (author of Lord of the Flies; that doesn’t go too well for the characters either). Golding also wrote the screenplay. It starred Anthony Hopkins “as a ventriloquist at the mercy of his vicious dummy”.

      Yes, I was 17 and home alone for the night, except for Charlie in the trunk, watching television when this came on. Yippee. Needless to say, it was another long, sleepless night.

I did eventually manage to give Charlie away. I am not sure the child who was visiting us  and who thought Charlie was cool really wanted him, but I pretty much gave him no choice but to take Charlie with him. I’ve worried about that child, now a grown man, ever since. Charlie was moved to Turkey with his new person. You might imagine I felt safe. You would be discounting my overactive imagination. The film reel plays out in my mind of Charlie crawling out of his hole, finding his way onto an ocean liner, making his way eventually back to California, and appearing in my doorway, ready for revenge.

Of course I know this won’t happen. It would be silly for a 56-year old woman to hold a lingering childhood fear for a doll who, let’s face it, is a silly looking piece of plastic wearing bad clothes. Honestly, Beautiful Crissy could be said to be just as creepy as Danny O’Day. But still…

Summer before last I went to Maine to attend a week-long residency at the Institute for Humane Education. I was also taking a couple of humane education courses that summer, so I took one of the assigned readings with me to Maine. There I am in a cabin in the woods in the middle of nowhere, and I take out this book, Consuming Kids: Protecting Our Children from the Onslaught of Marketing and Advertising, by Susan Linn. Sounds innocent enough, and about a noteworthy topic. As I tend to do when I start a book, instead of jumping right in, I decided to read about the author. OMG, Susan Linn is a VENTRILOQUIST (an award-winning ventriloquist, no less) who uses puppets as therapeutic tools with childen. At first I laughed at the idea, then I got the creeps. I’m sorry, if I went to a therapist who turned out to be a ventriloquist, I would end up needing a lot (A LOT) more therapy! I couldn’t read the book. Again, I was in a cabin in the woods in Maine, scene of lots of teen slasher movies. I didn’t sleep all week. That might have been the massive amounts of caffeine and taking showers at 3 a.m. because there 14 of us sharing 1 bathroom, but Susan Linn, Ed.D., ventriloquist/child psychologist didn’t help me any. (Note: I don’t mean to belittle her work in children’s therapy, really.)

Dr. Susan Linn

    Now that I’ve turned Christmas into something totally macabre, let’s go back to happy thoughts. I did finally get that Easy-Bake Oven as a 50th birthday gift from Bob. Thank you!

Maybe some day I’ll get that Lite-Brite.

My wishes this year are simple yet complicated: happiness, joy, kindness, peace…beautiful words, easier said than done. Going back to another childhood Christmas memory, I like to remind myself of the message of A Charlie Brown Christmas, about the spirit of the holiday not being in all of the things and wrappings and show, but in the love, peace, and care we take in ourselves, our loved ones, and the world around us.

  I also reread the Dickens classic A Christmas Carol (1843) every year, following Ebenezer Scrooge as he opens his formerly greedy and cold heart to the world around him. If you don’t want to delve into Dickens, there’s always How the Grinch Stole Christmas. Same idea.

Albert Finney as Scrooge, reformed, playing Father Christmas for Tiny Tim, in the 1970 film version.

  I’ve posted this video clip before, but it’s become a classic since it was first televised in 1977 and merits reposting. I remember watching it at the time (1977) on the yearly Bing Crosby Christmas special and finding it so beautiful. It still is. It’s not just in the voices, or the melding of two seemingly very different men, from different countries and different generations. It’s in the love and longing for peace.

  You can’t go to the store and buy these things. You can’t wrap them up and put them under a tree. But we can give them to each other easily and freely, and we will all sleep better.

Peace, hugs, and have the happiest of holidays.

    Be careful what you wish for (and have yourself a merry little Christmas) (Sensitive readers beware: fear factor ahead!) Christmas time is here...and I love the holidays. The carols, the decorations, the over-the-top store displays, the Hallmark Channel movies--I love all of it.

[totallypathet]

Episode 1

Drag Race is back, and so is the Pathet Commentary that noone asked for baby!

Since the UK has just gone into Lockdown #3, I am super glad there's a new series of Drag Race to keep me entertained every week - so you guys better be prepared for these ridiculously long posts, bc I got nothing else on 😂

So first of all let's talk about the format. I do not understand why this show is so obsessed with ~twists~ and ☆turns☆ and making everything a 💫gag💫. Like, nothing was wrong with the usual format? There was no need for this weird staggered introduction/lipsync thing. They kept flicking between introductions to lipsyncs, so it felt like you were always at the beginning of the episode. Very weird. And we all obviously knew that they weren't going to send half the people home on the first episode, so it just felt stupid to have this "lipsync for your LYFE" every 2 seconds. It feels insulting - if you're going to predicate an episode on half the people going home right away, the audience just feels cheated when actually noone goes home and everything we just watched is academic.

It didn't have to be that way either, they could have done all the introductions, had the whole cast do the "walk in" and have their little moment & one-liner; then put them into groups to lipsync? And whatever it is they're going to do with the Pork Chop group, they could have just said? Like "this year the first challenge is in teams, and to decide the teams we're going to have a series of lipsyncs". I have no idea if that's actually what they're doing, but it wouldn't feel as insulting as what actually happened. And then you can still have the "twist" where the teams aren't even and you have to send someone home. I wouldnt have minded that so much. I actually really like the concept of seeing them all lipsync in episode 1! It sets up the season, you can see who's going to be the lipsync assassin, you can see what kind of performer everyone is... I think its a really cool challenge for the first episode! Just the way they went about it was shitty.

The other thing is it was really clear that none of those queens knew they were gonna have to lipsync in their entrance looks, which feels unfair. At least let them prepare properly!

I also really missed the photo shoot mini challenge! Like, i know that it's harder to do that inline with covid restrictions, but I feel like there are still ways. They could have done an outside photoshoot, the photographer would not have had to be near any of the cast or crew... I just missed it.

Anyway, onto the breakdown!

1. Denali

I looooooooooved Denali's entrance look! It was so perfect. I have no idea how she was just casually walking on those skates though?! They looked like real skates, but they can't have been, right? Also, I am such a slut for like, people with super long plaits, and when they twirl the plait wraps around their body! I love it so much. The only teeny little critique I have, and I'm being super nit-picky here, is i think her contour is just a tiny bit too dark, or maybe not blended out super well? Such a nit pick, but the rest of her makeup seemed like beauty makeup, and it was done really nicely, so the contour really stood out to me.

It was also really obvious that that look was not a lipsyncing look. Which is such a shame, because I think she's a really good lipsyncer, I liked her lipsync, but I think it was a little bit hampered by what she was wearing. Its just really unfair that they didn't tell them to be prepared to lipsync in their entrance looks.

Overall though, I like Denali, I think she's great.

2. Elliott with 2 Ts

I really liked Elliott's entrance look, I thought it was a really cool 80s mom look, I liked it! I do think it was a shame that she was standing on stage in between Tina Burner and Kahmora Hall though - there was an all out campy costume on one side, an all out glamour beauty pageant look on the other, and poor Elliott did look a little over shadowed in the middle.

Unfortunately I think she was also middle of the road in the lipsync. Tina Burner is such a powerhouse that I think the other two were always going to look a little lacklustre next to her; but I think not being able to prepare properly can't have helped either! I could go either way on Elliott, I feel like I haven’t seen enough to make up my mind yet.

3. Gottmik

I really honestly thought they were called "GottMilk", which I thought was cute and fun, and I was almost disappointed when I realised I'd read it wrong and it was Gottmik. C'est la vie.

I loved Gottmik's entrance look - the makeup was stunning, the outfit was everything, I really enjoyed it! I'm really looking forward to what looks their going to pull out, especially makeup looks! I do think they're very young, and didn't seem all that confident in front of the judges; which I really hope changes! I think they're going to be amazing, I just think they need to recognise how amazing they are and own it. I also really liked their lipsync! I was finding it really hard to call between them and Utica, they both did great!

I'm also super excited to see a trans man on the show, we love inclusive drag! Hopefully this is a step towards the show being less transphobic. I'm going to be really interested to hear what Gottmik has to say about their experience on the show - particularly in a few years when they're no longer under contract with RuPaul.

Really excited by Gottmik, can't wait to see what they bring!

4. Joey Jay

I'm not convinced by Joey Jay just yet. I didnt buy everything she was selling this week. I don't know why, I just feel a bit...underwhelmed, maybe? I liked her confessionals, she seems quite funny, and self aware, which I love, I'm just not sure about her yet. I hated her entrance look, which probably didn't help 😂 the chicken feathers didn't bother me, I kind of love a big feather sleeve, and I'm all about being cheap - I do wish it hadn't been moulting though, like baby make sure your shit is glued down before you walk on! There was also something about the wig I didn't like, I think she was going for a wet look with the hair, but it just felt a bit flat. I feel like it didn't go far enough to be proper wet-look, so it just was a bit lifeless. And the bodysuit was cut super weird in the crotch area. It just felt like everything was a little bit off; and I just think for your first look, first impression, making an entrance; it was lacklustre. It's a shame.

The lipsync was okay. Again, I wish they'd been told that they were lipsyncing right off the bat, in their entrance looks, so they just were ready and prepared. Watching Joey Jay's lipsync felt a lot like she was just pulling out her "usual" moves, it didn't feel like she was in the moment. I think a lot of that can be put down to just being surprised and not totally ready? Again, it feels unfair.

I think Joey could be really great, and I do want to see her progress in the competition and see what else she has, I just feel like she didn't get to show her best this week, and I think that's a shame.

5. Kahmora Hall

Kahmora is beautiful. Her face, her body, the big hair, the Mackey dress... stunning. I literally couldn't listen to anything that was said while the camera was on her, I was so distracted by how beautiful she is 😂

I was a little disappointed with her lipsync though, it felt like she wasn't really there, she wasn't really in it? And there were a couple of moments where I think she dropped words. She just didn't seem super sure of herself, which is such a shame, because she walked in with confidence, she stood on that stage radiating star power, and then the lipsync came and she just faded. I really hope that it was just because she wasn't ready, and I really hope we see her kill it next week!

6. Kandy Muse

I can see exactly why her and Aja are friends 👌 I love that she's a big personality, and I think she could be the confessionals queen this season. I kind of love that she shaded Aja as well, because it didn't really feel like proper shade, it just felt like a sort of sibling rivalry, and I thought it was funny! I like her so far. I feel like she's the friend who's very over-excitable, and can be a little annoying, but 1000% has the biggest heart in the group and will always have your back. I relate to her 😂

I loved her entrance look! Any bedazzled and sparkling denim, I am here for it. The dress was gorgeous, I love the tie waist detail that made it look like a shirt tied around her waist, I loved the pearls on the boobs, the denim arm warmers! Everything. I loved it. The denim boom box? Iconic. As soon as she walked in, I got it. I got that she was New York, I saw a little Haus of Aja, I got the edgy beauty thing, I just loved it the second I saw it. The only shame of it is that, because they obviously weren't told they'd have to lipsync in these looks, she kept pulling it up during the lipsync. But thats production's fault, Kandy can do no wrong for me right now 😂

7. Lala Ri

Okay, hear me out. I love her. Her entrance look is the worst one I've seen for at least a few seasons. I hated it so much! And its such a shame, because she's obviously gorgeous, and an incredible performer, and funny, and all these other things, but girl the look was ugly.

I liked the high neck/faux mask thing, I thought that was cute. But it was just a weird look. There was so much fabric at the top of her body, and nothing underneath? And then to have fully bare legs with an ankle boot? No! It was just all wrong. Maybe it would have worked if the roll neck (I assume bodysuit, just for convenience) had been really sheer mesh, so there was a really clear distinction between those layers. And I wish she'd worn pumps instead of ankle boots.

But her performance was one of the best of the week. I loved it, I love how much she just threw herself into it, gave it everything, I loved it. Very much looking forward to seeing other looks from her though!

8. Olivia Lux

What a beautiful smile! Such a gorgeous face. I love love looooved her look, I love a two tone moment! Especially with the gloves - I just wish she'd done the shoes too! I loved it. I also love that it was two pieces, and that she was able to take of that long skirt in the lipsync, and give herself maximum movement! It was a really smart choice.

I also think her lipsync was great! I love that she gave me a little bit of everything; we had a bit of story-telling, a little comedy, a little camp, it was a whole lot of fun! I couldn't take my eyes off her, she was just sparkling.

I'm a little bit in love with Olivia, I think she's gonna be one to watch this year!

9. Rosé

I feel like I might be being unfair on Rosé, but I dont like her very much just yet. Her confidence was just bordering on arrogance to me, and I felt a lot like she was looking down on Olivia Lux for being a less experienced queen? And the look on her face when she "lost" the lipsync was like she was thinking "how could I lose to her", which I just didn't like at all. Idk, I probably am being really unfair, and a lot of it could be the edit, she just seems a little too cocky for me. And I also feel like, how are you gonna be super cocky like that when you've walked in in the most basic look. I don't know, I'm not buying it yet.

Her lipsync was good, but it just felt a little bit too serious, she wasn't having as much fun with it as Olivia.

10. Symone

I love that Symone came in in a dress made of Polaroids. I love it. I love unconventional materials, I love the confidence, I love that she literally came in going "this is me". And the way it was constructed as well, so it had the little flare on the bottom that moved when she twirled? Perfect. Also I love the orangey wig with it! It went so well with the dress, and she looked totally flawless.

Her performance was great as well! She was cute and funny, she knew that song back to front, I loved it. I bought it.

11. Tamisha Iman

Tanisha almost did what I wish Lala had done - the mesh top under the power suit, I loved it! I love a big power shoulder; the only problem I had was the hair. If you've got big high shoulders, you need to have big high hair, otherwise your hair is going to look flat, and you're going to look like you're walking around with your shoulders held up around your ears. Even if she'd just had an updo, I think that would have helped. There also was a little bit of a sense that the outfit was wearing her somehow? I dont know, it just wasn't quite right.

But her performance. She's a performer. She's a dancer. She was giving me Janet. She is one to watch this year. She came to play, she knows what she's doing, and I am so ready for it!

12. Tina Burner

We love a queen with a brand. Of all the entrance looks this year, I think hers was the smartest. I dont really know much about her, other than that she was in the cast, but when she walked in I was like "oh, that must be Tina Burner, she's got the firefighter look happening". Was it my favourite ever look? No, but it was well made, it fit her nicely, it didn't look like anything anyone else was wearing, and it told me exactly who she is; that's what you want from qn entrance look! She did it right.

Tina is also obviously used to sharing a stage with other people; she was perfectly comfortable in that lipsync. She didn't get in anyone's way, but she still knew how to pull focus and be centre stage, even is she wasn't literally centre stage. It was a great lipsync, she knows how to play this game, and I think she's definitely one to watch out for!

13. Utica Queen

I loooooooved Utica's entrance look! I love clashing patterns, over the top accessories, big hair, outfits that just shouldn't work but they really really do.

Unfortunately, I think that's where my love for Utica might run out. She has this cool fashion sense, and clearly a silly sense of humour, bit it felt like she was trying sooo hard to be ~quirky~ and it just came off annoying. Maybe that will improve, maybe I'm being really unfair and I just need to get to know her better, I just felt a bit like "okay babe, calm down".

Her lipsync was pretty good, but again, I feel like she was relying on silly & quirky. I dont know.

Overall, I'm a little bit disappointed in the first episode, I feel like we didn't get to see very much of the queens at all. Like, compare this to season 12; say what you want about season 12, but in the first episode(s) we got to see 5 looks from each queen, and song lyrics to tell us more about them. This episode, we got 1 look, a lipsync they weren't told about, and some chatting in the Pork Chop Loading Dock. I just think its a shame. This show is so invested in twists and turns that its forgotten that the queens are what makes this show special. I want to see them have fun and do well, not be totally defeated in episode 1!

[miasswier]

miasswier’s ultimate glee ranking: no 89

89: Tina in the Sky With Diamonds

Written by: Ian Brennan Directed by: Ian Brennan

Overall Thoughts: This is I think the last episode that I feel that the negatives outweigh the positives. I have a hard time with this episode because I want to like it, but I just never seem to be able to. Plus, there’s quite a bit of seriously offensive stuff in here, which is shocking this deep into the show.

What I Like:

“Oh, I hate to interrupt the blatantly homoerotic overtones of whatever the two of you were on the verge of crying about” SUE

“You have all of your impressions, and… and all of your… impressions!”

“Why does no one believe me?! Oh, right. The habitual lying.”

YEAST-I-STAT

I see this episode as a bit of a turning point for Tina. Although she mellowed out a bit throughout season four, she’s right back to being a major diva because she thinks that it is the only way she can get what she wants (geez I wonder why she thinks that…). But after she gets slushied, she seems to realize that having friends and kindness are more important than recognition, especially in high school. This is a major episode for Tina and I really do believe that she changes after it.

I like that Santana gets to have a serious relationship outside of Brittany, but I have comments about it in the negative section.

I know I give Rachel a hard time and that I have issues with the Fanny Brice storyline, but I do think it’s so damn cute how they tell her she got the part, and how she reacts.

What I Don’t Like:

Sam saying he doesn’t really care about Tina, and then being more upset about being turned down for prom by a “not hot” girl. Like, aren’t Sam and Tina supposed to be really good friends? Shouldn’t he be more upset about having to go to prom so soon after breaking up with Brittany (remember, this only happened the equivalent of two weeks ago), and the fact that Tina, one of his best friends, was just really rude to him in front of the entire club?

Actually, the whole Sam storyline in this episode feels so stupid. I don’t know why they decided to introduce Penny? Like, can Sam not be single for more than two minutes? Is that not allowed? Also, she’s really terrible at her job, and it’s supposed to be cute and quirky, but I am actually really concerned about the students at that school. ALSO have they not had a school nurse since Terri quit? Like what is wrong with this school?

Bree’s entire monologue to Kitty in the hallway is really offensive, and the fact that it’s really offensive is not cancelled out by the fact that she’s black. Also, she cannot act, and she does not pull this rant off. I actually usually look away while it’s happening because I find it so cringey, and the words are so offensive that I try and tune them out.

We are one episode into this season and Kurt is already back down to sidekick whose only role is to make Rachel feel better about herself. So fun.

Why did Santana’s relationship with Dani have to be so biphobic in presentation? Why is it “more legit” for her to be dating a lesbian than for her to be dating a bisexual woman? Why isn’t Santana more nervous because, aside from Brittany, she hasn’t really had a serious girlfriend? Why is it about Dani being a lesbian? Why does Dani think Santana needs a 100% Sapphic goddess? And why, dear god, WHY did they have to include the comment about not worrying about her girlfriend straying for penis? BIPHOBIC AND TRANSPHOBIC. For fuck’s sake.

Sue refusing to punish Bree because Glee didn’t know how to not have a Mean Cheerio bullying the glee club to “make them better”. Pass.

Songs:

Get Back: I don’t find this a very necessary addition to the episode, especially considering it doesn’t really work and Rachel continues to feel sorry for herself the whole episode.

Something: Another unnecessary song, tacked on to an unnecessary plot.

Here Comes the Sun: I do like this one, it’s a sweet duet and a nice start to an underdeveloped relationship.

Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band: This is probably my favourite performance of the episode. I just really like this song, I don’t know what to tell you.

Hey Jude: This is another good one. It’s so sweet and hopeful, and Blaine’s voice is incredible.

Let It Be: I’m forever scarred by this song because I had to play it about a thousand times in my guitar class in grade eleven, and I’ve never fully recovered from that. It’s an okay cover, and a cool performance (and seeing the New York gang tipsy is super cute), but yeah. Scarred.

Final Thoughts: There are moments in this episode that I genuinely enjoy. Sue’s one-liner about Will and Sam is one of the funniest moments on this show. I fucking love it. But for the most part it’s just a bunch of plots that don’t really feel important and that don’t really go anywhere in the long run.