#thunderdome the cat

[solradguy]

Forgot to share what my beautiful, precious, idiot daughter did this morning

[laurabenanti]

all the people who apparently also loved Go On coming out of the woodwork are giving me life

[sanguinir]

Sue me but imagine Astarion x Geralt...would you be down for that?

i'm kinda meh tbh. i only write shippy things after heavy plotting and checking the vibes of my writing partner, particularly for astarion.

[hellenhighwater]

You let your cat out? Rip the bird population but go off I guess

Yeah I keep putting em in the thunderdome with Arson and Larceny but somehow the birds keep winning

[carrymelikeimcute]

'Izzy's not in drag that's period costume'

....it's a queer show with an actual drag queen on the cast, in drag in the same episode.

......there are crocs, thunderdome mad max outfits and cat collars

.....the show is for a modern audience, a modern queer audience

......it's izzy 'black is my colour' hands wearing makeup - its just as developmentally important no matter the reason

Guess what it can be both. It can be 'period' and 'iconicly queer' at the same time.

[pilferingapples]

OK my random question for you to think over is— If you could schedule some bonding time between Jean Valjean and any one of Les Amis, which Ami would you choose? Who would he click with/who would help him out the most/who would be the best most helpful Buddy for him to have ??? Or would you need to pick multiple Amis?

(This may or may not be related to a future fic idea I have planned. I have asked myself this question but currently do not know the answer, so I am curious about your thoughts! You always have great Les Amis takes)

OK before I get into this, I want to be clear that I think Cosette does an AMAZING job with Valjean's emotional Everything, but (a) she's a kid (b) she's HIS kid (c) no one person, no matter how close or important, can ever supply all of another person's emotional needs, even if they're a lot less traumatized than Valjean to start (d) a major problem with Valjean is Social Isolation, which only people Besides Cosette can alleviate (e) that is just the start of the issues that Cosette can't and should never have to handle alone! So no consideration of adding Other Friends to Valjean's life should be taken as an insult from me to Cosette (and I know you wouldn't , but people get weird). Cosette is a star.

Also: I am in all of this assuming a setting/ series of events leading to Acquaintance that does right by both parties ; importantly, that means Valjean is sure, somehow, that none of these men are romantically interested in or romantically interesting to Cosette. Maybe it's post- marriage, maybe it's an AU, maybe Whatever. Valjean's not doing his Lion With a Dog routine about it.

OK THAT SAID, let's Consider:

Enjolras: if they met outside a barricade, I can see them getting along very well! Unfortunately, that's because without pressing political action or conversation be thrown at them, I can imagine them both just sitting quietly and reading or being lost in their thoughts for as long as they're hanging out. Even GIVEN a political topic, like..Valjean is not gonna argue with anything Enjolras says and Enjolras is already gonna say it and they are just...gonna continue to Agree and then go back to Quiet Reading Time. Parallel Play For The Cats. Valjean will think Enjolras is a pleasant young man, Enjolras will think Valjean is a restful older gentleman, they will go to the library at the same time every Wednesday and nod hello and read in chairs near each other and never talk. Probably exactly the kind of interaction Valjean wants, and not at all what he needs to get out of his routine.

Combeferre: a very strong option!! assuming they've gotten talking about Nearly Anything, Combeferre can find the Fun Conversational Trivia in any subject. I bet Valjean would LOVE to hear about how steam engines work and the latest discoveries about bees or rubber or tinctures of opium. Valjean might be willing to tell him Cool Gardening and Metallurgy Knowledge and Combeferre would LISTEN. Combeferre is sharp and cutting about Interests and Ideas, but shows no signs of being someone who wants to get more emotional or personal with people than they're already setting up. This could be a great Hobby Buddy friendship and that's something Valjean really needs! Potential Issues: if they DO run into the sort of conversation where they're debating ideas, Combeferre does not seem to have an Easy Mode. IDK how much Valjean would be willing to enter Debate Thunderdome about politics or social issues; I worry greatly that he would shut down in Automatic Defense System Mode. But if they can work around that, Combeferre could be so good for getting him interested in the outside world!

Prouvaire: Much as above for Combeferre, except Prouvaire is already something of a gardener, DOES have a Gentle mode for debates, AND is goth, which would surely speak to Valjean's " some alive people like to be in coffins too" soul. Also lbr we know Prouvaire is on the 420 Crew in any era and it might do Valjean some real good to get baked once in a while. Strong potential here.

Feuilly: HE'S LIKE THE SON VALJEAN MIGHT HAVE KNOWN, or the grandson really-- as I recall, we've done the math and figured out that Feuilly really might be in the right age range to be one of Valjean's nibling's kids. I don't know how much Valjean has ever considered international politics but I bet he would deeply resonate with the plight of refugees and the displaced, which after all is a lot of the real issue. And maybe from there they can even get into how this is all systemic and Valjean might start to understand how he's not Uniquely Horrible if these injustices happen to so many people!!! A Little !!! Possibly!! Either way,they can get earnest and emotional over just wanting everyone else to have a better deal than they got. Go Team Lower Class Orphans Too Good For This World !

Courfeyrac: listen Courfeyrac's a delight and all but..he's just very bourgeois student. He is. Even assuming we're in the best situation where he and Valjean are talking politics and social issues enough for Valjean to NOT just mentally write him off as Standard Student Guy, I suspect Courfeyrac's many charms are just the wrong ones here. I'm not saying they can't get along, I think Courfeyrac can probably get alone with nearly anyone,but this is gonna be one of the harder options for any real connection.

Bahorel: you know I was all ready to go on a big ramble about how this could go multiple ways until I remembered the ONE THING, THE ONLY THING that gets Valjean to really open up and talk about his past is watching a younger man make horrible life choices that could get him arrested, never mind about trying to get Valjean to open up, Valjean is gonna trauma-dump on Bahorel so hard in the first fifteen minutes of them actually hanging out. And unlike Montparnasse, Bahorel pays attention and gives a damn about other people, and he is SO ready to get into how the legal system is pure evil and screws everyone over. Hating the legal system is a major component of his personality! I had honestly not really realized it until making this post but wow this will, eventually, be So Good for Valjean's mental health. (I am perhaps being a little silly here but I do think, on consideration, that Bahorel's over the top Everything would be on balance kinda reassuring for Valjean; plus there IS the goth factor XD Bonus points if it's a Better Post-Barricades setting where Bahorel's taken in Gavroche and they can bond over Unexpected Child Acquisition)

Legle: For Legle, see Courfeyrac, I'm afraid. You KNOW I love Bossuet so very much but he speaks 90 percent in too-smart-by-half puns and references and his entire social presentation depends on knowing how to parlay a bourgeois social skillset into Endless Crash Space. He's super weird and an incredibly good guy For Real but I don't know if Valjean would put enough effort in to realize that! Like with Courfeyrac, I feel like this would just be a Polite Acquaintaceship. Open to being convinced otherwise though!

Joly: ..ok I know Joly is also Student Guy as heck, but he's also direct and enthusiastic and overtly sweet in a way that Courfeyrac and Legle aren't. I can see Valjean enjoying his company somewhat the way he enjoys Cosette's actually-- here's someone who will be cheerful and chattery about things that he, Valjean, does not really know or care about. I still don't know if they'd connect on any deeper level but I could buy Valjean actively noticing and enjoying Joly's company.

Grantaire: HAAAAAHahahahhahaAAAAAHHHAHAHAHAHAH *runs out of breath* HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAAAAAA hahahaha nooooo. No. Nooooooooo. Grantaire talking to Valjean would go about like Grantaire talking to Javert in the I Mis Miniseries. Grantaire will talk! You cannot stop him unless you are named Enjolras! Valjean will nooooot care.

...Writing this up has made me reflect on what I think Valjean really needs out of a potential friend and it's - someone to do the talking - shared interests, or new interests they can be enthusiastic about while he nods ahead - a willingness/ ability to get HIM to talk at least sometimes ?? maybe?? - shared goth vibes or at least the ability to understand that sometimes u__u you just gotta be in a coffin now u__u - ABSOLUTELY MANDATORY overt disdain for The Rules this is why Fauchelevent was SO good for him but I think he also needs someone who is not in life debt to him! he needs to know he can socialize with Kind New People and Not Explode!!

....and this is a long post so I'm gonna save more Valjean rant :D I am pretty sure you and I will discuss later anyway!! Thank you for the random question!

[girlfriendsofthegalaxy]

tuesday again 1/9/2024

the BEAST (phil) has been SPAYED

listening

my sister ALSO, INDPENDENTLY, keeps tuesdayesqe lists in the back of her planner! which is what i used to do before these posts! You Got A Man by JAWNY is off her 2023 playlist. this philly artist's claim to fame seems to be that he dated doja cat for six months? the song is short, bratty, and fun indie/alt not-quite-rap. i have no knowledge of how much the man overlaps with the song. spotify

-

reading

ive never watched supernatural, except by osmosis bc i signed up for this website in 2011. this book is what i imagine people say when they say "what if supernatural was good?"

Rebecca Roanhorse's Trail of Lightning (her debut) and Storm of Locusts takes Maggie, a typical lone hero/monster hunter/horrible bitch of a woman (i say this approvingly) and says listen! you can do way sicker shit if you like. accept help and community and have a support system. it does not read like booktok found family or approach this in the typical fanfic way, which is refreshing. it points out that you will be a much longer lived and successful monster hunter this way. this is optimization, if you really look at it.

most postapoc stuff doesn’t contend with the fact (if it even acknowledges indigenous people at all) that indigenous people have already lived through several colonizing apocalypses. these books make a very sharp point that there is not a tremendous amount of difference between the reservation before the apocalypse and the reservation after the apocalypse. the worldbuilding in these is a interesting spin on sea levels plus the Energy Wars, to keep all of that at arms' length the Diné built a magical and physical wall, which i think is a funny spin on the trump border wall.

neither of them are really romance or kissing books, there is romantic interest but they are kept extremely busy not dying and admiring each other's competence. they are action and gore heavy. this is notable bc the books are fairly short (took me about two and a half hours each) and they have pretty fuckin good action scenes! the first book has an underground club and fight ring run by a cat god: club atmosphere was terrific (there's a bit about them having to drag in hastily camouflaged cheap walmart tables to handle some overflow and i instantly knew exactly the table), it had a dress up scene I was very weak to. i thought the series of events by which they ended up at the big boss battle post-club was kind of stupid but (forgivably) the big boss battle was quite enjoyable. figuring out what to do with your life next when you’re highly trained for a very specific thing but also not trained enough to be a serious danger and were set up to fail was extremely compelling to me, an astronomy major who cannot actually work in astronomy.

second book really hits its stride and (girl who has only played fallout voice) feels very fallout-y. desperate quest to save a loved one. girls' trip through a bunch of weird places with a bunch of weird guys. there's a lot of references that play with tone without ever going HEY REMEMBER THIS OTHER WORK YOU COULD GO LOOK AT RIGHT NOW? there’s a plane and a weird guy that made me think of mad max thunderdome, except the weird guy is his own character and has his own arc. there’s a weird grandpa on a boat who i don't think is a reference at all, except maybe to the timeless genre of weird grandpas on boats. there’s a sentient casino trapping people inside that reminded me of the new vegas dead money expansion, except Maggie barely steps inside bc she immediately gets caught up in a day-long battle of wits against the god of gambling. Maggie is a little more settled in her own skin now that she’s regularly talking to other people and has rejoined her community in her own small ways on her own terms and it HAS made her a much more successful monster hunter. the dialogue is snappier, the action scenes are more elaborate and smoothly choreographed. it's nice to watch an author grow so quickly (from this is serviceable to oh SHIT this is fun) over the course of a duology :) this feels like it was meant to be a trilogy but this book came out in 2019 so i am not holding my breath. it has a nice solid endpoint right here imo.

past sexual violence is sort of orbited around but no sexual violence is actually depicted, which i appreciate as a woman trying to enjoy postapoc.

libby has a very helpful Indigenous Voices category/reading guide/thing. thank u libby now i want to read everything else she's ever written

-

watching

saw a piece of fanart i cannot find now for the three minute short PUPARIA by Shingo Tamagawa.

Something is about to change drastically. We can only be witnesses to it.

it's a weird and stunningly beautiful little thing i am still worrying at like a dog with a peanut butter kong. if you have a thing about eyes or clusters of round shapes this is NOT the three minute short for you btw

-

playing

the free epic game was the Eidos Montreal Guardians of the Galaxy game, and since i am allergic to dead moms i will not be playing it. widely reviewed as "good writing, but not very much fun to actually play" so i don't feel like i'm missing out on too much.

i have no good story to tell about my time with genshin this week. we're aiming for "can i turn my brain off for forty minutes in the evening" and grinding a lot of one specific boss while listening to podcasts does seem to be enough to turn my brain off.

-

making

i have been frantically deep cleaning (including soaking the office in enzymatic cleaner [thanks phil]) bc my siblings are coming to town for a couple days and despite several setbacks (a completely different arrival time than the one they told me) and absolutely no sense of an itinerary we will be fine! we will all be fine and have fun! i will be SO fine and calm and chill and we will all have some fucking fun so help us god

ALSO also phil has finally been spayed and is now dealing with four separate issues: the giant wound still on her side, the spay incision, the necrotic abscess in her mouth from going too hard on a springy toy, and being underweight from trying to heal three things at once. we'll get there! we'll get there. it's just taking a while. we are going to have friday afternoon vet visits every week for the foreseeable future.

i love her so much and i'm glad she's feeling better but i genuinely think owning a horse would be cheaper than owning this one wonky cat. they shaved SO much of her tummy she looks even sillier than usual.

other than being Very Alert for the persistent little orange tomcat that keeps hopping up on my windowsill, mackie is doing fine. no concept of the fact that my siblings are going to pick her up more in two days than she gets picked up in a whole month. this is a girl that likes her feet on the ground thanks much

[yellowocaballero]

finally got around to finishing weekenders and read the cat byleth fic, and had a great time! reading from felix's perspective of everyone dealing with catleth was very fun, and finding out that felix made the active choice to not do anything actually made me laugh. also, seeing sylvain and his thoughts about felipe, after how you described felipe when he's older just seems very interesting (and funny). all that's to say, i was curious if you'd care to share something about what future shenanigans the oc kids got up to? they seem fun

One of the nicest possible asks you can send someone. Tell me more about your OCs. JALKDSjflkasjdf.

I had to write Byleth's idyllic future family, these people do in fact live in a society where they're all obligated to reproduce, I made up like 10 characters on the spot, the end. Afterwards I got really stressed out due to various and assorted reasons and started stress writing, as I do, and I ended up stress writing a WAY too long OC story. Various facts:

In a heartwarming act of found family, supportive co-parenting, and hating the way your parents raised you, the next gen kids are raised very differently than how their parents raised them. The BL split their time between their homes and the palace, so all of the kids are raised as one big family. All equals! All of you kids are way more important than chivalry! The princess and prince are just like the rest of you! The king isn't stealing ANYONE'S dad!

So that's nine extremely spoiled cousins whose only persistent social circle is each other.

Sometimes a found family are ex-classmates who run a nation together and a group of cousins who are endlessly trying to claw each other's faces off.

Sara (story covers her age from 10-16 but let's randomly anchor this at 12; Dimileth; crown princess) is overly emotional with a temper and is prone towards acts of ringleading and bullying. Terry (10; Felix/Annette; gifted kid before the syndrome; Sephora 10yo) is the meanest preteen girl ever. Leif (12; Ingrid/Ashe; absolute jock; arch nemesis of Sara) would wear Supreme. Felipe says he's too good to be the meanest person ever, but he's just catty about it. Luca (10; Dimileth; crown prince; looks like M!Morgan from FE:A, if he's named after Lucina Byleth does not realize; breaks half of what he touches), Sigurd (10; Ingrid/Ashe; limp noodle of a nerd), and Lailah (6; Felix/Annette; will predict the time and date of your death) are the victims of this. When they are not worse. Sven (Ingrid/Ashe; daydreams about dragons constantly; inherited all of the nice) and Callum (Felix/Annette; inherited all of the nice) will grow up to be nice only because they weren't in baby thunderdome.

The deuteragonist of the story is Derrick von Aegir (13; Ferdinand/F!OC; a truly unfortunate boy) who was sent to live in the Fhaergus Empire's palace at age 11 as a political hostage. The other protagonist is the princess whose greatest problem in life, age 10, was that Father said she isn't allowed to be mean to the political hostage. Derrick's greatest problem in life, age 11, is not accidentally getting his entire family super executed.

(This is the sort of political hostage thing that was very common in the Medieval era, which was basically "hey conquered territory send your kid to live with us, we'll treat them great and school them and teach them how great we are, and YOU won't break any treaties", it's pretty comfy for the kid. Effective way to stop Duke Ferdinand of Adrestia from rebelling, too. Byleth's idea. Bloodless and effective, only slightly traumatizes one kid)

They're all one big family anyway, so let's just toss Derrick into the pile of cousins. He is absorbed into the cousin conglomerate instantly. He's annoyingly perfect: perfect grades, perfect manners, perfect attitude, perfect work. Overachiever who takes up a role as tiny ambassador quickly and dreams of becoming a political ambassador between the territory of Adrestia and the Faerghus kingdom, now empire. Does Felix's paperwork. Tripes to stop himself from wanting to go home. Dimitri taught him how to shave. Gets a horse every year for his birthday. Is perfect. Stops wanting to go home. Is perfect.

The story is largely about the struggle of trying to be a good person when you don't really know how and aren't very good at it. It's about a massive confusion of identity and trying to parse out where you belong when you're from two worlds and belong in neither. It's about having a parent who is severely mentally ill. It's about deciding what a princess means and what a political hostage means; what a family means and what a friend means. It's also about children who are so so so mean to each other.

Glad that's not INSANELY long. It's just stress writing and it's all very off the cuff, so the story's just a pot of ideas, but here's a short-ish excerpt of it underneath the cut that I think summarizes a lot of this.

A week later, Derrick received a letter from his father. It had probably arrived several days before, but all of Derrick’s incoming and outgoing mail was monitored and censored. Derrick had gotten good at talking around anything that made security mad, but sometimes his father’s letters still held long streaks of black.

Sara had barged into his palace in pursuit of a training partner, but she only found him sitting at his dining room table staring blankly at several pieces of paper. They were laid out carefully next to each other, as if Derrick needed to cross-reference each individual sentence. It seemed as if he had been looking at them for a while.

Derrick’s quarters were in the Steel Palace, which was where they kept their diplomats. When he first came to live with them, Father let him choose which suite he wanted and gave him a budget for decorating the room. The quarters had never seen a two year visitor before, but it had adjusted well. Sara was petitioning to move his room into the main palace so she didn’t have to walk so far to visit him, but Derrick had blathered on about stations and appropriateness and laid out his extensive plan on how to be as useful to the crown of Faerghus as possible. Sara said it would be more useful if she didn’t have to walk so far. 

As usual, Derrick’s plans went off without a hitch. Whenever they had visitors from other parts of Faerghus, or even from outside of Fodlan, Derrick was their one-person welcome wagon. It was his sacred self-appointed duty that nobody asked him to do, and he was really good at it. The Adrestian lords were all over him. So were the knights, but Derrick said that he barely registered them anymore. 

Sara stood in the doorway and coughed pointedly, waiting for Derrick to jump up and treat her respectfully. But he just sat and stared at pieces of paper. He obviously knew she was here, but he wasn’t reacting at all.

Sara crept forward until she could grab the back of the ridged chair and hoist herself upwards on the beams. She peered over Derrick’s shoulder at the pieces of paper, finally recognizing it as a letter. She recognized his father’s handwriting. 

“Um,” Sara said, “are you okay?”

That was as emotionally supportive as she got, and probably as emotionally supportive as she was physically capable of being. Derrick seemed to appreciate the effort, ‘cause he actually responded. His voice was dull, as it sometimes was. 

“My mother just had another baby,” Derrick said. All life and spirit was drained from his voice. He sounded very empty. “A full sibling. Boy.”

What? That was so weird. “You didn’t tell me your mom was pregnant!” 

“I didn’t know.” 

Sara couldn’t help but wrinkle her nose. How could the von Aegirs not even say anything? Why was Derrick so upset? News of an upcoming baby in her family was always such a massive deal. The last time Aunt Ingrid got pregnant nobody shut up about it for weeks. And it was a million times worse when the baby was actually born. Sara had forbidden Mother and Father from having any more children, just in case. She wouldn’t survive the commotion. 

“Congratulations?” Sara said, baffled. “Isn’t this a good thing?”

“I guess.”

“But you’re gonna be a brother!”

“Apparently.” 

“Having a sibling does suck,” Sara said contemplatively, “but maybe you’ll luck out and have a nice sibling. Collum’s the best baby ever. Terry and Lilah and I put him in little dresses. And Luca’s whatever I guess.” Sara paused a second, thinking harder. “Two boys must be tougher, though. Leif and his siblings just punch each other all the time.”

“A year,” Derrick said, and Sara finally quieted. “They waited a year until Mother grew pregnant. Father said he didn’t care about having crested kids. That’s what he said.” Derrick’s voice shook, and Sara started feeling really uncomfortable. “They just wrote me off.” 

“No they didn’t. Your parents wouldn’t do that.” Sara hopped off the chair. She put a hand on his arm, squeezing tightly. “Your parents are so nice. Maybe they just…I don’t know. Everybody has, like, five kids. It’s weirder that he waited so long, right?”

“He stopped waiting after I left.” Derrick picked up one of the pages, smoothing it carefully between his fingers. He always treated his parent’s letters carefully. “Does he need a new heir? Does he think I’m not coming back?” Derrick’s voice grew thick. “He said I was coming back. He said I was coming home for sure…”

Sara couldn’t think of anything to say that didn’t sound ridiculously dumb, so she just hugged him. Derrick dropped the letter on the table and hugged her back, limp and weak and clutching onto the folds of her stiff dress, and although she didn’t like very long hugs she refused to let go until he did. 

There was nothing to do about any of it. Adrestians were idiots and Derrick’s stupid parents were constantly making his life miserable. Sara made a noble sacrifice the next day and asked Derrick to teach her how to ride Aqua. Sara was great at riding horses, but she let Derrick teach her anyway. He always forgot about everything else when there was a horse in front of him, so her plan worked perfectly. 

That night, after the boring yet productive horse adventure, Mother found Sara, Derrick, and her family in the kitchens. They were sequestered in the secret nook behind the cold room, chomping down on purloined fruits and shoving apple cores down each other’s shirts. Mother pulled back the curtain on their fun very dramatically, freezing Leif in the middle of his attempts to pull Sigurd’s shirt over his head and dunk it in apple juice.

Felipe scrambled upwards, abandoning his half-eaten pie on the table. He bowed hastily, and everybody else hurriedly copied him. “Greetings to Her Grace, Lady of Faerghus.” 

As usual, Felipe and Derrick did everything pitch-perfect and everybody else stumbled through it. Sigurd’s shirt was still half-hanging off his shoulder. Terry didn’t even let go of her grapes. 

“I need to borrow Derrick,” Mother said. “Now.”

Derrick bowed again and quietly followed Mother’s direction out of the nook. Everybody awkwardly looked at each other. Even Leif looked worried. 

Felipe ran his hand through his near-white hair, gnawing on his cheek. It was still a little weird to have Felipe in the castle so often. It was like summer, but all the time. He didn’t have as much time to spend with them as he used to, though - Uncle Sylvain was officially training him in chamberlain duties. Luca critically deemed Felipe old. “I hope he’s not in trouble.” 

Terry stuffed grapes in her mouth, cherry red pigtails swinging. Through mangled fruity flesh, she said, “Derrick can’t get in trouble. He’s too good at everything. Messing up is Luca’s job.”

Luca sat back down, grabbing his book and pulling sad cow eyes at Terry. Lilah, who was six and liked doing what Luca did, imitated him dolefully. “I’m not that bad, am I?”

“You suck.”

“If he sucks then why did you fail your literature examination?” Sara snapped. “Look in a mirror sometime!”

Terry gasped in affront, and Lilah made a little ‘oooh’. Luca’s jaw dropped. But Sara had enough. She stood up, shoving a final few apples in her dress pocket before stomping out of the enclave. She was distantly aware that Felipe scrambled upwards to follow her, cursing in Duscuran, but she resolutely decided to ignore him. She didn’t have time to soothe ten year old feelings. She had to find Derrick and make a stirring case to her mother on why he shouldn’t be in trouble. 

She made it to the door of the kitchens before Felipe caught up to her. He slid in front of the door, and Sara was once again confronted by his stupid growth spurt as he towered after her. Sara tried to duck and weave around him, purposefully ignoring the bustling kitchen staff steering wide and clear of them, but Felipe held his ground. 

“I’m sorry, Your Highness, but this is important.”

Felipe’s voice still carried a distinct Duscuran accent, and it always made his words sound strange and harsh. Sara heard Uncle Dedue scold him for it several times, but Felipe had dug in his heels on the matter. He could imitate Uncle Dedue’s accent perfectly when he was speaking to important people who they didn’t know and didn’t like - which had the terrible side-effect of making him speak like Father - but around his family he refused to talk like the rest of them. It was one of the many reasons why he was super cool. Unfortunately, he was also a drag.

“Fighting Her Grace won’t help him,” Felipe said sternly. “Have you ever successfully changed her mind on anything? Anything at all?” Sara scowled, but she didn’t say anything. It was effectively a concession of the point. “I know your intentions are good. But charging in might hurt more than it helps. You must begin to stop and think things through first.”

“I stop to think all the time,” Sara complained. “I can do tactics. We can all do tactics. We couldn’t survive Mother if we couldn’t do tactics.”

“Yes, and you lose all ability to ‘do tactics’ the second you get worked up about something.” Felipe frowned down at her. Sara wanted to wilt. Another point she wished she could refute, and was perfectly aware she couldn’t. “Derrick’s living in reality, you know that? Not this castle fantasy land. You can’t mess around.” 

“Fantasy land -”

But Felipe just rolled his eyes. “I grew up in a Duscur orphanage. Trust me, I know what the real world looks like.” 

“Your hideously wealthy and powerful mother owns a Duscur orphanage,” Sara said flatly. This was why Felipe wasn’t always cool. “You saw the real world outside your glass window. Stop borrowing other people’s actual problems.” 

“Age has not dulled your tongue,” Felipe said, equally flat. “Will insulting your entire family fix your problems, Your Highness?” Sara pursed her lips, looking away. “You were defending Luca. Out of character, but sweet. Now Terry’s probably mad at Luca because you reminded him that Luca aced his test and she didn’t. Did you solve anything? Or did you just take out your anger on a ten year old?” 

“Literally all we do is insult each other, it’s family culture.”

“Yes, it’s why we’re all mean and insane.” 

Sara crossed her arms. “I thought that was because we’re all spoiled brats.” 

“It’s a feedback loop. We make each other worse. And yes, I’m a spoiled brat too.” Felipe sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Goddess knows I can’t stop you from doing what you want. But please, Sara. Stop thinking about what you want and start thinking about what Derrick needs. If you’re capable of that.”

“Uncle Sylvain would kick your ass if he heard you talking to me like that.” 

Brightly, Felipe said something to her in Duscuran. Sara squinted at him. In Adrestrian, he said, “There. I’ll say that in front of my father as much as you want. He’s too scared of brown people to learn my other language, so I think I’m in the clear.”

“Uncle Dedue would kick your ass,” Sara amended. 

Felipe blanched. ��You won’t tell Uncle.” 

“Watch me.”

“No, you won’t. You won’t.”

“Make me.”

“If you tell Uncle I will actually -”

“You’ll actually what?” Sara sang. “Go ahead, tell me. Tell me what I should tell Uncle Dedue you would actually do.”

“You are such a little -”

Sara ducked left and dove for the door. The kitchen door, made for servants carrying armfuls of plates and meat, swung open when she pressed on it, and she ignored Felipe’s yelp as she broke free into the hallway. 

She sped-walk (‘Princesses don’t -’ Take a guess.) down the hallway, craning her head for a glimpse of Mother. Empty of everything but a shitton of servants. She reached an intersection of hallways, frantically looking left and right in search of the right path. Would tactics help? 

Tactics were unnecessary. Balad was standing in front of a door in the hallway to her left. Sara gracefully speedwalked straight towards him.

Despite her best efforts at dignity, Balad still seemed amused when he saw her. Mother’s personal knight didn’t follow her around most of the time, so she must either be coming from some official business or going towards it. Court had been yesterday, so it couldn’t be that. Sara remembered when court was. So organized and yet so chaotic. 

“Whoah, tiger,” Balad said. “Looking for somebody?”

Balad wasn’t very formal when it was just them, which was nice. Like Felipe, he had a fancy accent at his disposal but tended to prefer his native accent around them. Unlike Felipe, Balad was the real deal. “Is Mother inside?” Sara asked urgently. “Is she with Derrick?”

“The Adrestrian boy? Sure, she needed to meet with him.” Balad shifted on his feet, giant suit of armor rattling. How did he wear that all day? “Is something wrong?” 

Sara did her best not to look shifty. Balad raised an eyebrow. Too many people in this world had known her since she was a baby. Balad especially used to look after her in Mother’s stead while he was a squire. “Depends. Is Derrick in trouble?”

“I think your mother would say that this isn’t your fight, Your Highness.”

That was ominously vague. “But Derrick’s my responsibility,” Sara insisted. Balad’s eyebrow climbed higher. “If he’s in trouble I have to be there. As, like, defensive counsel. In a court of law.” 

“Who made Derrick your responsibility?”

Sara halted. Come to think of it…well, technically nobody. She had really just decided. But that didn’t invalidate her point. She was just taking initiative or whatever. 

Diversion tactic. Sara sniffed. “It’s a princess responsibility. A princess takes responsibility for all her subjects.”

Slowly, Balad drawled,”Uh-huh. And blaming Lilah for breaking that vase was…?”

“That was not a clear-cut situation - agh, never mind! Can I see them or not?” Balad stared at her. “May I see Her Grace and That Adrestian Boy please, Knight Balad.” 

“Let me ask, Your Highness.” 

Good enough!

Balad opened the door and stepped inside, quickly closing it. Sara focused hard on clearing her mind, summoning her logic, and drafting an argument. Yes, it was physically impossible to change Mother’s mind on literally anything. Mother and Father took each other’s counsels, but Father generally just obeyed her while she took his opinion and priorities into account (“Honey, is there a tactic with less casualties?”). When Father was indisposed and Mother assumed rulership, very little changed. And everything, but that was just because Father was nicer. 

But she still had to try. Especially since Sara was pretty certain she knew what this was about. 

The expression on Derrick’s mind was still burned into her mind. Derrick lived his life afraid of punishment, but he was never punished. It was the first time Sara had seen Derrick look punished. Derrick had looked as if he was being punished. 

He had been punished enough already. Sara couldn’t allow him to be punished one more time. King and Queen responsibilities meant that they had to choose the option with the least disruption and bloodshed. It was their responsibility to give Derrick a hard time. But Sara’s responsibility was to figure out some way to imitate a good person, and this was pretty much the only method that interested her. 

The door opened, and Balad gestured her inside. Sara’s heart leapt into her throat, and she forcibly stopped and allowed Felipe’s obnoxious words to stampede through her mind. Plan of attack.  Never begin a fight without knowing where you’re going. Never enter an unsecured building during a battle - oh, forget it. 

The room was just another of their sitting rooms, distinctly less fancy than the rest and doubtlessly used by lesser nobles. Still stupidly fancy, but that was life. Mother was standing in the center of the room, Derrick across from her. Well, he wasn’t crying. He didn’t look distinctly happy, but he didn’t seem desolate. A positive direction, right?

Sara bowed. “Good evening, Your Grace. Are you finished with Derrick? He promised to take me horseback riding, and we should leave while there’s still daylight.” 

Mother nodded. “Sure. We’re mostly done here.” She looked back at Derrick, who was making the Eyebrow of Incredulity at her. Sara wondered if her plan was successful, before deciding that it definitely was. “I might as well say this in front of Sara. Do you know why the king has very few memories of your father from school?” Derrick looked at the ground and silently shook his head. “Because I knew that the king would probably stand on the opposite side of a battlefield from Ferdinand von Aegir, and I didn’t want him to grow attached.”

That sentence would sound insane if Sara wasn’t used to it. “How did you know that?”

“It was a precautionary measure.” 

Weakly, Derrick said, “That sounds a little extreme…”

Mother’s pale eyes locked onto Derrick, and he froze. “You’re here, aren’t you?”

Derrick locked his eyes onto the floor. “Yes, Your Grace. It’s an honor to be here and serving the royal family.” 

“I dislike lies.” Derrick swallowed a flinch, and Sara bristled. But Mother’s eyes just softened, and she took a small step closer to Derrick. “I’m sorry, Derrick. I failed to make something clear to you. Considering your new concerns, this is the appropriate time to divulge this. Please look at me.”

Derrick looked up at her, and Sara had to fight the urge to run to him. She didn’t want him to look at Mother like that. Just once, just for once, Sara wanted the world to look at Mother and see what Sara saw. Everybody knew that Mother was level-headed, always the one to calm down Father when he grew agitated, but everybody seemed to interpret her words as detachment instead of kindness. 

“There is almost nothing you can do that would make us harm you or your family.” Mother said the sentence easily, as if she hadn’t just mildly rocked Sara and Derrick’s worlds. “Short of endangering or harming the royal family and Faerghus, your actions cannot result in punishment for your family. The king and I decided years ago to never punish you further than we might punish one of our own family’s children. There is certainly nothing you may do by accident that would get you in trouble.”

Sara and Derrick gaped at Mother. Somewhat insanely, Sara attempted to divine why Mother would sit on information that would reframe Derrick’s entire life.

Derrick was stunned even worse than her. He was shaking his head faintly, in pure denial. “But I’m a political hostage. The whole point of that is…”

“Did you want us to send one of your toes home?” Byleth asked wryly. Derrick shivered. “Sorry. Bad joke. You’re not a parent, Derrick. Parents would do anything to protect the children they love. Your parents wouldn’t put your safety and well-treatment at risk.” Sheesh, did she have to specify it like that? “Your father loves you immensely. You…should have seen his face when he signed the forms to give you up. It was…” Mother frowned, a little troubled. “I felt one of my least favorite emotions. But it was an important emotion for me to feel. I had to remind myself of that.”

Quietly, Derrick said, “But he didn’t really seem that upset…”

“Yes, he was very brave for you.” It was clear that Derrick had never thought of it like that, and he was struck dumb. “All that matters is the threat. The king’s reputation is - among us adults, it’s fearsome.” The corner of Mother’s lips turned down. “Quite fearsome. He’s ashamed of it, but it is useful.”

Sara wouldn’t understand this comment until two years later, when she will see Father crush skulls with one hand. She will rush home and tell Derrick all about it, mime the motion with one hand. And Derrick will look up from his book and say - did you not know?

“What if Father doesn’t pay attention to my letter?” Derrick asked, expression creasing. “With a new heir, I’m not…”

“Your father will know perfectly well who told you what to say in that letter.” What letter? Was that what Mother had pulled him away to speak about? “He’s not stupid enough to ignore it. I wouldn’t be surprised if a letter reaffirming his loyalty to us was already on the way. Even if the duke declared a rebellion tomorrow, Derrick, we wouldn’t harm you.” Mother paused a beat. “We wouldn’t allow you to return to Adrestria, of course. But you’d be treated no differently.” 

They wouldn’t send him home? Somewhat tactlessly, Sara cried, “Can we adopt Derrick?”

“No.” 

“But his father would obviously be unfit if he did that -”

“Yuri would kill us. No.” 

If there was one person in Fodlan who could tell Mother what to do, it was Yuri. He told Mother to do things and she did them. Obviously he also told Father to do things and Father did them, but Mother was the tougher nut to crack. Mother said it was because he was the only person who didn’t respect her.

“I will do everything I can to prevent that from happening, Your Grace.” Derrick said it as if he really meant it - as if it was his responsibility. Maybe it was, but it was a responsibility he fulfilled by waking up every morning to a Faerghus ceiling. “I never want our nobility to fight ever again. That’s my word, as a von Aegir.”

“Vows and promises have never impressed me,” Mother said blandly. Derrick winced. “Nobles bearing nothing but high words are the easiest to kill. I respect hard work, productivity, and growth. You’re a Blue Lion now, Derrick. I expect these things from you.” 

Derrick froze. He practically wasn’t breathing. Sara wanted to put her hand on his arm again, but yet again she was standing far away from them. Why did she never stand closer? “That’s - I thought that was your family.” 

“It’s people I trust. And people I expect great things from. That includes you, Derrick.” She glanced at Sara, who was masterfully repressing a sulk. “It’s not our children. We want them to find their own way. But this is the path I’m asking of you. Can you handle it?”

Derrick straightened, chin out, and for a strange second he looked every inch the high nobility that he was. Why did it feel so rare? His bloodline was impossibly prestigious. He ought to carry himself tall. But Derrick was always trying to make himself seem smaller - eyes down, shoulders hunched. He only unfolded in front of Sara.

Perfect, accomplished, hard-working Derrick. Derrick, who always stood larger than life to Sara. Felipe was right - Derrick lived in an adult’s world, while Sara still played around and messed with her cousins. He was alone in that world.

In that second, the thought was intolerable to Sara. 

“Yes, Your Grace,” Derrick said. “I only ask that you help me work hard.”

“Good. Goodbye.” Mother glanced at Sara, who froze. “Sara.”

She didn’t say anything else.

Sara cleared her throat. “Yes, Mother.”

Mother tilted an eyebrow.

Sara was crushed. That eyebrow was like an anvil on her head. She was used to it from Father, who was absolutely relentless when he wasn’t feeling guilty for being relentless, but Mother was sparse with that eyebrow. It meant a lot more coming from her. 

That eyebrow meant something different to everybody. To Luca, it probably only meant ‘be a good boy, baby, I love you’. To Sara’s cousins, it closely resembled ‘the Queen of Faerghus and Saint of Seiros is watching you So Closely and the Goddess won’t help you if she doesn’t like what she sees’. Sara’s aunts and uncles were visibly terrified of it. Counter-intuitively, they were more terrified of it than any of the kids. Sara still heard them threaten each other with The Look. Only Uncle Felix was unaffected, but Sara quietly suspected that Uncle Felix was Mother’s favorite. She didn’t know which one came first. 

But to Sara, it always meant ‘don’t disappoint me’. It meant ‘be better’. No matter what she did or how she did it, Sara must be better. Endlessly better, and never good enough. 

If she was good enough…could she stand by Derrick? Was it really Mother who she wanted to save him from?

“Yes, Mother,” Sara said. “I will.”

“I know. Goodbye.”

Mother left, as dramatically as she had come, and took Balad with her. She left Sara and Derrick standing alone in a sitting room, locked in their own wandering minds. 

Derrick broke the tension by sagging, releasing a full-body exhale. Sara walked closer to him, so close that she could finally reach out and touch his shoulder. She didn’t, but she could.

“I thought she’d get less scary eventually,” Derrick mumbled. “Everybody else got less scary. How did she get scarier…”

“It’s ‘cause Mother’s the boss,” Sara said. “She’s just tough ‘cause she takes responsibility for everybody. Like you! You’re a Blue Lion now. That means she’ll get scarier, but, like, in a good way.”

“I don’t know if I want Queen Byleth to keep a closer eye on me.” Derrick’s voice sounded a little faint. “I’ve just tried to stay underneath her radar…”

“Too bad.” Sarah firmly patted him on the shoulder. “Exceptional people always catch Mother’s eye. You were just too good at being good at things.” Derrick moaned, hanging his head. “Oh, stop whining, it’s a compliment. I came expecting way worse, you know.” 

Derrick eyed her wearily. “Do I want to know why you followed us?”

Sara coughed. “I was planning on rescuing you, actually. You’re welcome.”

“Saints, Sara,” Derrick groaned. Expected reaction. “What could you have done? I wasn’t even in trouble.”

“What else was I supposed to do?” Honestly! As if it mattered that she couldn’t do anything! “I couldn’t leave you hanging in the wind like that. Besides, I did help, didn’t I? I definitely changed the subject. What did Mother even want, anyway?”

“I guess you distracted her.” Left unsaid: a monkey could do that, idiot. “It was about the new sibling. The King and Queen know this means von Aegir has a spare now.”

“Come on, Derrick -”

“It’s true.” Derrick shook off her hand, and Sara let it drop. “My value’s gone down. They want me to remind my father about some stuff. Don’t worry about it. It’s our problem.” 

Our, as in Mother and Father and Duke von Aegir and Duchess von Aegir. Not Sara. 

“I forbid you from talking about yourself like that.” Sara tried to use her best princess voice, but it was a little weaker than usual. “It’s not about your value -”

“It’s all about my value!” Derrick yelled, stopping Sara short. He backed away from her, face flushed, but Sara couldn’t move. She had never heard Derrick raise his voice before. “Are you stupid? You don’t know what you’re talking about! You can’t understand! I work so hard to keep my value up and my stupid parents waste it just because they wanted another baby! If that stupid baby has a crest it’s all over for me! They’re the ones trying to take everything away from me, not the king and queen!”

“Who cares about a stupid crest!” Sara yelled back. “So you won’t be heir anymore, big deal! Mom and Dad don’t care!”

Derrick rounded on her, and Sara jerked backwards. His face was flushed, and his nose was scrunched up. Sara knew what it looked like when Derrick was trying not to cry. “Do you seriously think I want to hear that from the Crest of Flames? Shut up! I worked so hard, I did everything I physically could, and it doesn’t matter! If that baby has a crest then Dad’s advisors will tell him to let me die, it’ll tie up a freaking loose end! They can’t exactly keep a crested baby hostage, can they? It’d be convenient! That would be my value! They’ll stop caring what happens to me and I’ll be worth nothing!”

“Mom and Dad care about you!” Sara screamed, and Derrick finally fell silent. “Mom wants to train you, Mom promised you everything, and I bet Dad wishes you were his kid instead of me!” Derrick opened his mouth to protest, but Sara didn’t let him interrupt. “You’d be the best prince ever! You’d be a thousand times better than Dad’s shitty real kids. Luca’s always breaking things and I’m stupid and mean. We’re spoiled brats, everyone says so, and you’re perfect! Stop telling me we don’t care about you! You don’t know me either!”

Derrick was fully crying now. As always, it was silent. 

Sara fought to calm down. Derrick’s words just upset her so much. She didn’t want him to talk about loose ends and dying. She didn’t want him to say that nobody back home cared about him. That had always been Derrick’s anchor, the faith that saved him - that his parents loved him. If Derrick let go of that, then…then…

“Who cares if some stupid Adrestrians want you dead? What are they going to do about it? Mom just said that you’re perfect and we love you. Mom physically can’t lie, she doesn’t know how.”

“That’s not what she said at all -”

“Who knows my mom better, me or you?” Derrick hiccuped, rubbing at his face. Sara ignored him. She had been right after all - Derrick needed defensive counsel from his one and only lawyer. “So they throw you to the lions. Big deal. The lions think you’re great. Hang out and do Uncle Felix’s job, he hates it. Just stay here and keep being my best friend.” For the first time, Sara faltered. “Is that really so bad?”

Derrick shook his head, and Sara could see his tears dry. He looked way too exhausted for a thirteen year old. Derrick always felt old, but in that moment he felt even older than Felipe. “It’s not so simple, Sara…”

“You don’t want to be my best friend?” Sara asked. Her own words squeezed her heart painfully. “That’s okay, you know. You don’t have to be my best friend. But…you’re still mine, so…”

“Of course I want to be your best friend.” Derrick rubbed at his eyes, digging around so harshly that it had to be painful. “But…Sara, please don’t be stupid. Okay? Being your best friend gives me value. Like, a lot. I didn’t want to be your best - I mean, it just sort of happened, it just wasn’t my intention - and I promise I’m not pretending to be your friend. But I don’t want to pretend that’s not important. The king says we…shouldn’t pretend it’s a nice situation. So I don’t want to lie about that.”

Sara thought about this for a long minute. Derrick looked a little embarrassed - at the fact that their friendship was politically useful, or that they were actually friends, she didn’t know. They’d only said the ‘best friend’ word, like, once. It was so embarrassing. 

Sara thought about tactics. 

Finally, she crossed her arms and said, “So I’m useful to you.”

Derrick blanched. “I swear, I’m not using -”

“Why not? Go ahead. Flex it. Why wouldn’t you use that?” When you thought about it, really thought about it - when you thought about the big picture - this was the only thing that made sense. “Everybody keeps saying I can’t help you because I’m just a stupid princess. Including you.” Derrick winced, but it was whatever. She said mean things when she was upset too. “If I’m a stupid crown princess, I’ll use being a stupid crown princess. The Crest of Flames has to be good for something besides that stupid prophecy. If that’s how I can help you, then let me help you.” 

Derrick only shook his head, face pale. “I can’t do that.”

“Mother says to use every advantage available to you. This is your advantage. Don’t go on and on about how hard you work if you’re going to pass on opportunities.” Sara paused a beat. “And I need to get one up on Felipe. He said I was useless.”

Derrick looked at her for a long, inscrutable moment, before sighing. Sara knew that face. She had totally won. “So this is what Lord Dedue was talking about…”

“Eh?”

“Nothing.” Derrick picked at the sleeve of his rich and humble shirt. Sara would have to get him some nicer clothing. “Fine. I’ll use you. But…” He redoubled his focus on the sleeve again, cheeks flushed. “Does this mean we can’t be best friends anymore? For real?”

“I wouldn’t care about you and your problems if we weren’t best friends, so…uh, we have to. Right?” This was so embarrassing. This was a lot of feelings. How was Sara meant to handle this. “I guess this is mean of me. But…I’m glad your parents are having another baby. I didn’t want you to leave and stop being my best friend. That’s a really mean thing to think, right?”

“Nah,” Derrick said. “It’s kinda nice, actually. To know that somebody wants me here.” 

“It was super boring when you were nice to me, so don’t start doing that.”

“Trust me, Sara. It’s impossible to be nice to you.”

“Liar! Why are so many people nice to me, then?”

Derrick nodded sagely. “They get paid. And crown princess bullshit.” 

This perturbed Sara. “I really gotta make up for the princess thing, huh…like, karmically…”

“Just be nicer.”

“What, and die?!”

[7twdi29ot5y8og6ndze7m7wexn29cm24]

Where is my mind?

An abandoned oil rig stands in for the garden of Eden. A garden is a walled space with vegetation. It contains encrypted knowledge of good and evil. 777 terabytes of data contained in a single gram of DNA. Wiping a tear off your cheek. Salty.

The ocean is grey. Makes you feel like there's something wrong with it. What's the word? 'Contaminated' Mandate Tonic, Dance Titan Om, An albatross has swallowed an Evian bottle. When 2 become 1.

Like all people, they contained multitudes. Like all situations, this was several situations at once. sometimes I looked away and ate peanuts and drank Club Mate. Sometimes I thought about what time it was. Then I was on the verge of tears. Then I laughed a lot.

420 Park Avenue Drexciya François Rabelais Quake 7 Arena Caiman Nearness Arcane Sans Mine Amnesia Scanner

In a taxicraft. Magnetic hover. Tunnels. Plebs light fires and roast stray cats. Taste memory of gnawing on stringy cat meat. Cats are mostly bones and fur. Memories of paper money, also on fire. Memories of diamonds. Rare minerals, tea bowls repaired with gold. Kintsugi. Gnu I Kits. King Suit. Nothing less than a 1000 years old.

Street view, upper level: Gregorian monks in technical fabrics. Robes with mesh and intelligence. UV face tattoos glow in the dark. Yellow contacts, sharp fangs. Monks are chanting: Google Krishna, Shrinkage Go Lo, Angels Rig Hook, Regal Kings Ooh,

Ice cream melting on his chest. Yourdicklooksgreatinthoseheels.com Handguns, rare butterflies. elaborate prison tattoo of a tiger in mid leap. Augmented reality contact lenses. Red bull energy drink. Fleshlight. Shell fight. Septum streched, thicker rings are more beautiful. chain on neck. Bull ring on nose. Fake lashes. AFK lashes. Nails so long that these hands can no longer grab things. Voice control override. This could be us but you playin'

thunderdome thunderdome anagrams

We're gonna take everything before we secess. We need more weapons. Hi-speed Wi-Fi provided by drones is a given. Arab money in ciphered currencies. Treasure island. Buccaneers and buried gold.

A stream of more or less violent crimes. What was violence again?

Floor 312. We're there. I hand the driver a flake of skin and a fingernail.

The oil rig. A bird flies over. We extend our arm and stand completely still. Bird lands. Bird makes sound. Gently touch bird. It lets that happen. Bird says: ______________ . Identify bird: sparrow. Place filter on sparrow. Mosaic, turbulent displace, hue/saturation. Bird is simplified, jagged edges, orange for now.

scan

[luxwing]

Crying sobbing begging my cats to be nice to one another and to not reenact the Thunderdome in my bedroom while I'm trying to sleep

[kylesvariouslistsandstuff]

Projections have THE GARFIELD MOVIE opening somewhere in the $20-30m range for the three-day, and somewhere over $30m for the 4-day.

In other words, it's opening like a typical post-COVID breakout animated movie. Unless you were the Mario movie, MINIONS 2, or few other films, you stayed below $30-35m for the three-day opening. For context:

$146m - THE SUPER MARIO BROS. MOVIE

$120m - SPIDER-MAN: ACROSS THE SPIDER-VERSE

$107m - MINIONS: THE RISE OF GRU

$57m - KUNG FU PANDA 4

$50m - LIGHTYEAR

The five half-hundred openers. And then... Other big studio Western animated movie (and in some cases, hybrid)... Squarely below $35m:

$33m - IF

$31m - SPACE JAM: A NEW LEGACY

$30m - TROLLS BAND TOGETHER

$29m - ELEMENTAL

$28m - MUTANT MAYHEM

$27m - ENCANTO

$23m - THE BAD GUYS

$23m - DC LEAGUE OF SUPER-PETS

$22m - PAW PATROL: THE MIGHTY MOVIE

$22m - SING 2

$19m - WISH

$17m - THE ADDAMS FAMILY 2

$16m - THE BOSS BABY: FAMILY BUSINESS

$14m - TOM & JERRY

$13m - PAW PATROL: THE MOVIE

$12m - MIGRATION

$12m - PUSS IN BOOTS: THE LAST WISH

$12m - STRANGE WORLD

So, yeah, THE GARFIELD MOVIE is performing as usual. It curiously has a B+ CinemaScore, when usually, an animated picture - no matter the reviews - gets an A- minimum. I still expect it to leg up until INSIDE OUT 2 is released, and make back its fair $60m budget.

Director Mark Dindal deserves a big hit after three movies that didn't quite cut it at the box office. CATS DON'T DANCE was dumped by Warner Bros. and made soooo little in 1997, THE EMPEROR'S NEW GROOVE was similarly dumped by Disney but had the fortune of garnering excellent legs that might not have covered its budget, but it showed that Disney had a sleeper hit on their hands... and then there were the subsequent great video sales that probably un-flopped it a year later. CHICKEN LITTLE barely made the grade. Dindal hadn't directed since, the closest he got was with DreamWorks' unmade ME AND MY SHADOW. Dindal would be replaced by Alessandro Carloni on that film, and then DreamWorks nerfed it altogether. (Though they did briefly revive it as SHADOWS, courting Edgar Wright to direct at one point!)

So, yeah, I'm rooting for Garfield! For Dindal! I'll be seeing the movie in about a week or so.

As for the other side of this weekend's box office coin... FURIOSA:

I want to point out... A lot of people are seemingly confused as to why FURIOSA isn't breaking out... Thus making for a pretty small Memorial Day box office long-weekend...

When were the MAD MAX movies ever these massive blockbusters here in America?

The first film was barely released theatrically in North America, lost in the midst of its domestic distributor - American International Pictures - being acquired. The film's breakout success in its home country, Australia, was really what lead to sequels. MAD MAX 2, released as THE ROAD WARRIOR stateside, did fairly well but wasn't among 1982's biggest movies. MAD MAX: BEYOND THUNDERDOME, thought to be the most Hollywoodized of the movies, also did okay enough. Again, nowhere near the edge of the Top 10. I reckon for most people my age, FURY ROAD was their first MAD MAX movie. It certainly was mine, and then I went and blind-bought the other three movies thereafter.

MAD MAX: FURY ROAD opened with a fair $45m back in 2015, and went on to gross $380m worldwide against a $150-180m budget. Barely 2 1/2x that price tag if it was $150m, so I guess it just made it. Enough for more movies to be made at least, as Tom Hardy was signed on to reprise his role as Max Rockatansky for at least a few more films. A fifth movie proper is in development, apparently... But, yeah... $380m. Good gross, but not... Let's see, STAR WARS or MCU-sized. Not DUNE: PART TWO nor RISE/DAWN/WAR OF THE PLANET OF THE APES, for fellow sci-fi comparisons...

And nor did it need to be... There's more a gnarly, punk-like edge to these movies anyways.

Which is why I did not expect FURIOSA to make that much more than FURY ROAD, especially since it's about a younger Furiosa and it's a prequel. Having not seen the movie due to circumstances (I'm gonna aim for it this coming Friday), I've also heard that it's way different from FURY ROAD, which was more or less a two-hour car chase that barely lets up. This apparently, at 2 1/2 hours long, is more in line with the classic MAD MAX movies. There's some vehicular action that really delivers, but the bulk of it is a lot of atmosphere and long stretches that really souses us into the wasteland world of the series.

One of my pals actually compared it to director George Miller's previous film, THREE THOUSAND YEARS OF LONGING... And... Uh, if it's really anything like that film, it's going to be interesting to see how it holds up in the coming weeks. THREE THOUSAND YEARS OF LONGING is a curious film that I didn't particularly enjoy much, but it's very cool that a $60m movie that appears to be Miller - in his 70s - pondering and reflecting on the art of storytelling and the big mosaic of it all even exists. Now to see that applied to a massive budget action movie in an iconic sci-fi franchise? Even cooler. That's what you call taking a BIG SWING. If MAD MAX 5 happening hinges on this movie's success, I really hope it defies the odds.

So THE GARFIELD MOVIE doesn't have a massive bar to clear, and it's already over $50m worldwide thanks to opening in a few territories beforehand. Should make back the budget easily. Only needs to clear $150m to do that. Legs would really have to be bad in order for it to not do so. FURIOSA is the one I'm concerned about, as that cost $168m to make. If that closes the door on future Wasteland movies, then that will suck big time. Fingers crossed for both.

[solradguy]

[zy-murge]

SELF INDULGENT THING. what i think each of the main characters would listen to

Hank: Exclusively into harsh loud noise, expect plenty of hardcore techno like schranz and gabber, such as WARST and Instigator. Likes some select m1dy songs on the side.

2bdamned: HARDCORE Venetian Snares (i had to with the song, but i think he'd like something more like Songs About My Cats) and Merzbow fan. Also likes Bull of Heaven. Perhaps even a Xyqph fan... if you think i'm projecting you'd be right.

Deimos: Into older rock like Judas Priest or Nine Inch Nails, but has started to get into more experimental bands like Machine Girl and Squarepusher thanks to both Sanford and 2bdamned.

Sanford: Literally the "I listen to all genres" man, absolute mess of a single playlist on Soundcloud of all things. Loves classic Drum n Bass like Peshay Studio Set or LTJ Bukem, as well as MJ Cole.

Tricky: You'd think circus music, but HUGE Thunderdome fan, as well all the major Old School artists like Gammer & Dougal or DJ Hixxy. Raver, regularly attends clubs (i think this is canon bc you can see him fucking it up in Club Advent LOL)

Jebediah: Snobbiest Snob you can think of, dubs Classical as the best genre of all time. Beethoven, Tchaikovsky, Mozart, etc... As well as some Nikolai Kapustin and Arnold Schoenberg (the last two were an excuse to link some real nice piano sets i'll be honest.)

Sheriff: We KNOW it's country music, the older the better - like Patsy Montana or Bob Wills. Favorite is the Good, the Bad and the Ugly main theme.

Auditor: As Slow As Possible by John Cage, specifically the version that's lasting 639 years.

[sanguinir]

tag drop 3 / xxx

[offthesnails]

I have a week off between jobs, and I'm spending it appropriately (making many 3D cartoon versions of my cat, and putting them all in a thunderdome to bounce off each other)

[fakeshibe]

The sheeb listens to JRWI Riptide 3-word summary twitter thread, now with 100% less twitter!!!!

Before twitter totally went to shit, i had a thread that i was adding to every time i listened to an episode of jrwi! I had to write a summary or comment on the episode with 3 words or fewer, although exaggerated spellings and punctuation for emphasis were totally allowed so it wasn't a strict rule. It was just a silly haha way for me to try and motivate myself to keep listening cause i'm v bad at picking up new habits (like listening to podcasts), so i was hoping that posting about it would build the habit and get me to pay better attention so i could remember details to comment on. Heads up, this was already a very, very long twitter thread and i'm still updating it, so it's gonna be a long post. Also spoilers for JRWI Riptide, up to ~roughly episode 60 atm. will update though! :) also i'm copypasting from where i archived the thread on discord so all the emoji's are broken, pretend they're all normal, ok? JRWI SPOILERS AHEAD!!! FINAL WARNING!!!!

(Jan 2023) (First tweet in thread: finally successfully listening to podcasts!! so every time i finish an episode of jrwi i’m gonna reply to this tweet with a 3 word or less summary we’ll see if i make it past episode 10, not hopeful since it took me 2 months to finish episode 1 :sob: )

Starting from zero funny fish man :)

Chipwrecked! mmm monke :)

The Laughing City Gillion slaps balds

The Baldening slapping more balds (April 23)

The Curse of Loffinlot started listening again!!

Off With His Head! Gillion Marxist arc?!? :0

A Mist Opportunity Chip autocanniballism arc??!!? D:

A Hero’s Burden Gillion need hug :(

A Victorious Banquet! black rose mentioned?!?!?!?! :0

The Hangover (i made it to 10 episodes!!) omg the beloveds! <3

Return to the Open Sea Inception but Jay

The Endless Game (ft. Ranboo) ranboo is real?!?!? :0

Showtime! (ft. Ranboo) Chip discovers reaganomics

The House Always Wins (ft. Ranboo) farewell friend Clorten :(

The Chip on My Shoulder Gillion was right >:(

Fish and Chips i’m gonna cry :’)

The Siren's Call Gillion: '…That's tits' :thinking:

Striking a Chord chip's not normal :face_with_raised_eyebrow: :worried:

The One the empress… :flushed::flushed::flushed::flushed::flushed::flushed:

The Sanctuary the empress… :angry::angry::angry::angry::angry::angry:

An Act of Love Nat 20 kiss?!?!?!?!

True North Chip = Weaponised incompetence

Downhill Desires YASS COMRADE TIDESTRIDER!!!!

Empress of Malice Jay absolutely slays

The Hole in Your Heart Get deez'd bitch :sunglasses: (May 23)

First Blood pretzel is terrifying :squid:

The Pirate Code Gil discovers cat :)

Making a Splash scary teleport lady

The Paramount Tournament FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!

Jack the Jolly Roger chip pants collection (June 23)

One Remaining Rose ELIZABETH ALIVE?!!?!? WTF??!!?

Breaking The Ice Gillion got adopted (July 23)

Thunderdome of Destiny (ft. Pokay) gillion briefly homophobic

Wrath of La Alma (ft. Pokay) that's not good D:

Sign here (ft. Pokay) jay eated paper

The Luxbris Pearl (ft. Pokay) i cry lots

Indemnification (ft. Pokay) closed eye trickshots

The people’s Champion (ft. Pokay) combat against ball

A sea of Red and Gold oh shit.

The Navy's Armada Chip saying son :') :pleading_face: :sob:

Growing Pains ||ollie now big||

The Serpent borfd it

City of Steam new favourite episode :sob::sob:

Blossoming Trust pinky promise :)

The Perfect Crime OH SHIT!! D:

Robot Rumble imposter among us

What Binds Us awww :') awh :face_holding_back_tears::face_holding_back_tears: awww (August 23)

Shattered Kingdom Scotland confirmed non-canon :pensive:

The Duke of Everything (ft. Jschlatt) pretzels everywhere

The Block (omg!!! 50!!!! woo!!!!) plausibly deniable clown

Blistering Trials NO! GIVE HIM!!!! :(

Death March FUCKING WHAT?!?! WHAT!!??!

Not Ferin Well FUCKED UP!!! CRYING!!!!! :sob::sob::sob: :(

A Dead Man’s Tale (ft. JoCat) NEW SCOTTISH GUY!!!! :scotland::scotland::scotland::scotland:

Till Death Do We Part (ft. JoCat) many nat 20s

Mystery and Misery oh shit, chip…

The Hull of the World WAAHHHH EDYN :')

The Tides Between Us EMOTIONAL WHIPLASH WTF

A Price to be Paid Jay escaped employment (September 23)

Price is Right woah, solo episode?

Super Savvy Sleuthing Slugs chaos, of course

Chaos and Consequences ending was fucked

Farewells earl :( :( :( miss him :( :( :( :)

The City of Night new guy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (October 23) Riptide Origins: Humble Beginnings actual siblings real

Dressed to the Nines jay gets bitches