#through mutuals on tumblr dot com

[nauticalfools]

.

[toytulini]

Disclaimer im just processing some thoughts im not cancelling the show

have almost thoughts about how i find the like....narrative on here that if you have chronic "zebra" conditions youd want a doctor like House and wouldnt sue for malpractice bc at least youd have a doctor that cares about whats wrong with you but lets take it one step further. so often he does NOT give a shit about the patient and actively endangers them frequently with his god damn heoric era of medicine approach? non zero amount of times he gets a diagnosis but it comes too late, or he gets a diagnosis after their first wrong 3 guesses of the episode shut down the patients kidneys and they either have to get a transplant or they are just, doomed due to other preexisting conditions etc? idk. i know ppl are almost certainly exaggerating and just letting off steam about the very real failures of our current medical systems and the ableism baked in and All That Shit. i just think its weird how ppl romanticize House who STILL, FREQUENTLY, MULTIPLE EPISODES will actively dismiss shit in the exact way that is a problem in our current system, especially when hes being Forced Against His Will To See Clinic Parients, he loves to be dismissive as fuck of symptoms and if he was a real doctor i think he'd be fucking 50/50 on cases he Notices Something To Dig Into vs cases he dismisses as an Anxious Hysterical Woman Who Wants Attention, the only reason he's Right so frequently in his snap judgements is cos it reinforces the narrative. its like a crime drama that has the mastermind serial killer masterfully using "loopholes" and lawyering up all sneaky and dodging Justice and if only our poor little cop protags were allowed to do A TEENY BIT of Justified Police Brutality, they could Save Lives!

and like sometimes in the show they will have a patient die despite his efforts to narratively punish him. not to mention, i think its been at least mildly brought up and glossed over how much they absolutely do not think about insurance costs for these ppl for the insane amount of tests that find nothing and Wrong Medications To Force A Diagnosis they use? i think it was brought up once in the episode following a day in the life of cuddy where she had to fight a lawsuit bc a guys insurance like didnt cover his thumb being reattached but chase reattached it anyway while in surgery cos it was The Right Thing To Do and the guy didnt have the money to cover it and the insurance wouldnt pay unless he sued the hospital or whatever. thats like the only time its come up. whereas like frequently the doctor I go to for osteopathic manipulation tries to check in with me and make sure im covered by insurance etc and that im not going to go broke or get buried in medical debt seeing her.

idk. just some Thoughts. not a defense of our current system and all the flaws it enables and enforces etc. his approach to medicine is really reminiscent to me of what I know of the Heroic Era Of Medicine which i dont...love? and hes framed on here as being an asshole but would kill for his patients to get them a diagnosis etc. but hes definitely extremely paternalistic to patients ? and despite some good clippable lines about ableism and being against eugenics, it honestly feels like his stance on that is kind of a toss up.

[lavendervc]

:/

[altarboysalteredboys]

god. francesca

[zhoras-bitch]

Real. Aerin's romance feels incomplete without anyone roasting my MC's questionable taste and awful life decisions.

Hella upset that the game no longer acknowledges that my MC flirts with everyone.

[sanctferum]

the golden rule: do not do to others what you are unwilling to have done to you. indeed, whenever I annoy my mutuals by spamming a really long post anywhere from 5 to 100 times in a row, I am keenly aware that I, too, will have to scroll through the mess I have created to use tumblr dot com. my dashboard will take forever to load as much as yours will. the pain that you feel, i feel. i accept this as a necessary cost of being a horrid little prankster

[netscapenavigator-official]

“Ermm actually, we should not vote to send a message.”

Actually Betsy, take a look around the room. I’m a Tumblr Dot Com user just like you. I’m on this webbed site to make sure as many people as possible are forced to hear my unqualified and unasked-for opinions, whether they like it or not.

So you better believe that when the U.S. Government knocks on my door and says “it’s your civil duty to vote” I’m marching my ass straight down to my local elementary school gym and shoving my little opinionated vote into that ballot box with as much smugness as I possibly can.

Voting is the biggest, most official, most unqualified opinion I have, and the government is forced to bend over and just take it, so you better believe I’m not gonna miss the opportunity to shove my opinion so far down down Uncle Sam’s gullet that he won’t even have to shit it out.

Politics is the biggest opinion I get to have, and voting is the most people I’ll ever get to force to bear witness to it. It’s the epitome of all the bullshit I force my mutuals to suffer through on here.

[alacants]

hi! just wanted to say that i was recently looking for lore on the ferru ferri relationship so ur lore post is perfect timing and *chefs kiss* 🤌 i fully support ur unhingedness about them bc i'm getting there too LOL i would love to know more about the facts/lore/thoughts u have on them if u'd like to share ! :D

i actually need to thank you because it was the tags on one of your rbs + talking with another mutual that pushed me to finally finish and post. so thank you!! …and sorry for what's about to happen here. would i like to share more thoughts, YES I WOULD.

(eta: this thing is LONGER than the original and also significantly more unhinged. so like… fair warning.)

first of all here are an assortment of facts/links/quotes that didn't make the final lorepost cut:

about all those times ferru drops by the academy: for example, this and this and this and this and this and this and this and this.

then there is this classic roland garros 2011 "choose a player" questionnaire. ferru picked juanki for THREE separate answers: who would you share a nice bottle of wine with, who would you open a bar with, and—wait for it—who would you hit on girls with. 

i mean, i get it. juanki's looks are ideal bait. i see it happen every day on tumblr dot com. but a truly unfortunate number of scenarios do immediately unroll before the mind's eye.

david ferrer's official 2004 atp media biography included "says his most inspirational player is countryman juan carlos ferrero"

juanki's official atp tour dot com bio includes this typically restrained ferru testimonial: "He was and is my best friend on the tour. He's a person that is very close to me... He’s a very humble and noble person." elsewhere: "He's an even better person than he is a player, which is very difficult."

(juanki's bio is a wholeass novella and ferru's is THE most bare bones bullet points. ferru stop being so fucking modest challenge!!)

juanki used to visit javea to play football with ferru and his hometown friends. ferru are you making your girlfriend hang out with your friendsgroup.

select topics from the david ferrer official forums: "stayed with juan carlos before leaving for the davis cup." (juanki himself was not called up.) "went to a nice restaurant with juan carlos and had paella." "spending new year's eve at juan carlos' hotel."

according to juanki's blog they would watch world cup matches together at ferru's house?? cute.

especially cute since juanki is a real madrid fan and ferru is a barcelona fan. (although he's more outspoken about supporting valencia cf.) here is an amazing photo of a clasico watch party in the cincy locker room.

honestly this is just some sponsor promo content but i am dying to know what the inside joke at 1:15 is about. what are you smiling about juan carlos. why is ferru trying not to laugh. answer me.

ok easy stuff out of the way. i'm just going to warn you in advance that there are a cool 3000 words under the cut so uh... brace yourself i guess. don't open on mobile. topics include: 

some Narratives

thoughts on the dynamic (past)

101 reasons to love david ferrer

behind the music: juan carlos ferrero

thoughts on the dynamic (present)

i didn't link more than a few quotes but if you want sources for anything in particular just drop me a reply or an ask.

finally, in addition to Facts and Anecdotes this includes what is by definition rampant speculation because i don't know these guys and never will. we cannot fully know public figures, we are making the shadows on the wall of plato's cave kiss, you know the drill.

the Narratives

first of all. the opposite narratives of their careers are soooooooooo compelling to me. like, juanki was a child prodigy—junior world champion, junior roland garros finalist, bursting onto the pro scene age 19 and winning his first title just a month later. then clinching spain's first davis cup, roland garros sf-sf-final-title, us open final, world number one. all by age 23! expectations were through the ROOF.

…and then 2004 hit and he fell off a cliff and never recovered. (injury, mentality, and incredible bad luck, like oh this man is CURSED cursed. he missed multiple tournaments because of chicken pox.) in september 2003 he was world no. 1; 17 months later he was no. 98.  he never did make it back into the top ten.

meanwhile, ferru was—i mean obviously he was talented. he won stuff in juniors. but no one was talking about him as the future of spanish tennis, yk? he even quit when he was 17… for a week. (lol.) he was inconsistent, vulnerable to meltdowns. he first appeared on most people's radars when he beat agassi in rome in 2003, but then not again until a brief spike in 2007—made the USO semis, made the master's cup final, world no. 5. and then he, too, slumped.

but he did not give up. ever.

he climbed out of the slump and just kept climbing up, and up, and up. the best year of his career was 2012-2013, age thirty—seven titles, masters title, roland garros final, world no. 3. the second-best was 2015, age thirty-two. top 10 for 292 straight weeks, 2010-2016. ferru is like. the ultimate proof of how dogged persistence pays off if you just. keep. trying. ← wow tumblr user alacants is he your favorite or something.

the arcs intersect in ~2008-2010, when they were especially joined at the hip. they're both struggling—juanki dropped out of the top 100 for the first time, ferru's treading water in the low teens and saying he'll never reach the heights of 2007 again—and both right on the verge of a revival. juanki won his first title in 5+ years in 2009, kickstarting an 18 month last-gasp renaissance that included davis cup hero, more titles, more finals, as high as no. 14. for a few weeks. ferru slowly and surely got his feet back under him. (he calls the dc 09 final a turning point.) around those back-to-back finals in 2010, they were hovering right around the same rank—juanki even jumped ahead a couple places. and then juanki's body finally called it quits, and ferru started to really take off. 

so that window is probably the peak of the pre-retirement dynamic. what IS that dynamic, you ask? great question.

the dynamic (past)

first i must note that although i myself led the lore post with the quotes about how they've been friends forever, something i find super cute/funny is that there seems to be an element of historical revisionism at work there? like, ferru didn't come to the academy until he was 17 (1999, the year juanki went pro), and their hometowns aren't THAT close. and ferru spent a couple years in barcelona as well. so although they clearly knew each other from an early age, it's unlikely that they were like. besties. but if you ask them, it's oh yeah we've been friends foreverrrr.

anyway. dynamics, 2002-2012:

mutual security blanket

introvert (situational) 4 introvert (intrinsic)

senpai/kouhai

chronic patient/emotional support rescue dog

fighter/sacrifice

king/lionheart, where the king was overthrown 10 years ago and now they're living in exile and the loyal retainer is earning their keep by the sword—

what do i mean by 90% of this—ok, first, web 1.0 tangent: beginning relatively early in ferru's career there was a fan forum on his official website. ferrru, who in those days was blatantly uncomfortable with the fan/star dynamic, immediately set about trying to like. befriend everyone on it. no fans here, we're all just friends! he would post regular life updates and then hang around in the thread just. chatting. he would remember details like where posters lived and who their other faves were and TEASE them about it. he hosted a christmas dinner in his hometown for anyone who wanted to make the trip. this is obviously unsustainable past a certain point of success but while it lasted it was just. so charming.

so ferru took his self-appointed role as juanki handler very seriously. like, i joke about "xx news and publicity bureau," but ferru really was. he would regularly post updates about juanki's health and recovery progress. he would answer questions. juanki's fans would come to ferru for updates!! couple this with the comments about how they tried to enter the same tournaments and generally traveled together/stayed in the same hotels, along with juanki's incredible run of illness and injury, and it's just like. ferru is juanki's designated spokesperson, his interface with the cold cruel world, his shield arm/support animal.

mutually supportive, but also: ferru clearly gets a lot of validation out of doing things for other people. he is always describing himself in terms such as, "i'm nothing special, i just try to be a really good friend." this is an acts of service guy all the way down.

(you ARE special, ferru, listen to me and juan carlos—)

i do think it was an evolution—ferru especially credits juanki with supporting him in the early days on tour. so i see it as like... friendly face showing the new kid the ropes, giving him advice, and then suddenly they're pulling even, and then even more suddenly ferru is the one equipped to provide the support.

introvert (situational): namely, juanki describes himself as shy, but he loves being the center of attention. he doesn't act out to get it but he very much enjoys it when it comes. (early quote re: what he likes about tennis: "all the people cheering for me in the big stadiums.") (it's also worth noting that he was the youngest child and the much-anticipated only son. lmao.) at the same time the media describe him as reserved, and he visibly dislikes talking about personal stuff. direct quote: "you can see how uncomfortable he is talking about his family…" 

so at first the press calls him "the monk of villena", he lives in the middle of nowhere, his lifestyle isn't flashy*, he's so humble, wow. but alllllso he loves fast cars and throwing parties at his hotel. he befriends other famous spanish athletes like sergio garcia and sete gibernau. and there are some wiiiiiiiiiild pictures from players' parties through the years. 

(*the contemporary gossip was also that maybe he was out having a little more fun than he let on, lol.)

so maybe it's accurate to say he's doesn't like being out of his depth? doesn't like unfamiliar situations. but like—i have seen the records and they do not lie. juan carlos looooves being—sorry—doted upon.

(this btw is why someone dedicating their tournament victory to him in front of god and the city of valencia and everyone was probably what you could call an effective tactic.) 

meanwhile ferru's favorite hobby is READING. he is famous for always having a book in the locker room. "i can get through 3 books in a 2 week tournament and i keep every book i read." (← man who ebooks were invented for.) his idea of a perfect day is going to the beach in his hometown ("the best beach in the world") with his family and his friends and then having paella. he's a cat person. he's perfect? SORRY. I'M TRYING SO HARD TO BE NORMAL. anyway genuinely think this is the person you would find in the corner at a party befriending the host's cat.

—ok fuck normal i need to talk about ferru some more.

some very normal thoughts about david ferrer

as a player ferru had uhhhhh well maybe it was an inferiority complex or maybe it was a self-defense strategy playing in the big four era or maybe he was just unbelievably hard on himself. but for a long time he was out there saying stuff like, i'm the worst player in the top hundred. i'm the worst player in the top ten.

the thing is. it's impossible to talk about ferru without bringing up the closet story. you can read it here. c. 2007 this was reported as like, a humorous character-building anecdote????? because ferru brushed it off ("once in there i didn't think much" <- bad sign!!!) and said things like "i learned everything from him, about tennis and how to be a person." ok ferru, but what if you learned the wrong things. 

i mean, what do i know. i don't know any of these people, i'm (mostly) not here to pseudo-psychoanalyze. i just don't think it's UNrelated that ferru explicitly compared their eventual coaching split to a breakup and later implied that he should have cut the cord earlier but couldn't bring himself to do it. or that afterwards he started going to therapy, "personal, not sport," and says he wishes he'd started when he was 20. 

he stayed with that coach until he was 31 btw. there is loyal and then there is whatever the hell this is.

how do you reconcile this with today's happy and well-adjusted davis cup captain? many possibilities, such as his very own family (they're so cute, they are so cute) and 20 years of personal growth. also probably the therapy. and tbf by the end of the career he'd already gotten a lot better about the self-deprecation. but he still has a worldview that is uh refreshing verging on eye-watering. he's repeatedly said that being a professional athlete doesn't make you particularly special or interesting. asked whether as a known reader he's thinking about writing a memoir: "I'm not that important and I don’t believe I can contribute that much to the society… there are so many people that can contribute much more." ← ferru STOP.

(speaking of the adorable family: although this post is mainly about silly shipping nonsense and not irl romantic relationships i DO think it's instructive that ferru appears to have dated exactly two (2) women in the entirety of his adult life. one gf age 17-26, one age 27-present. this man's natural mode is Devotion.)

anyway my main point here is that it probably felt real good to have someone on tour in his corner. someone who hadn't ever locked him in a closet.

(there is a lot more to unpack about ferru but if you're sitting here like "but what about uso 2008" or whatever trust me it's solely for the sake of not making this insanely long post EVEN LONGER and i am happy to share my thoughts upon request lol.)

some very normal thoughts about juan carlos ferrero 

IN CONTRAST... one of the funniest things about revisiting old press is constantly hearing juan carlos ferrero described as "humble" when my man has a VERY healthy opinion of himself. this isn't a bad thing. it's arguably better than calling yourself the worst player in the top one hundred. it is however a problem when the person you feel threatened by is. rafa nadal. 

i initially had an 800 word tangent here that has now been exiled to its own post. the short version of this is juanki got dropped in favor of rafa in the 2004 davis cup final and never forgot it, lol. a number of other perceived sins were committed including 1) rome 2008 media coverage 2) dc 2009 president's speech 3) valencia open 2013, how dare rafa spurn juanki's beloved child tournament. but really it was that rafa became who juanki was supposed to be. :(

juanki's got a lot of pride! another example: madrid master's 2008. yet again juanki is in bad shape. at no. 44 he just missed the main draw. so he asked for a wild card… and didn't get one. that was genuinely an insult considering he was the 2003 champion and that wc #3 went to (consults notes) fabio fognini, ranked 73. the spanish sports media were up in arms. juanki said he was so insulted that even if they offered him a spot he wouldn't take it.

…so when carlos moya pulled out they didn't waste their time. "he said he didn't want it so we gave it to someone else." oh, juanki.

(ferru's measured thoughts on this decision btw: "The absence of Juan Carlos Ferrero is outrageous and insane. This only happens in Spain. It's a huge tragedy and, above all, an injustice for a player like him, who's been number one in the world and previously won this tournament.")

so, juanki: proud, outspoken when he's angry, reserved when he's not. to the extent that when he started saying ferru was his best friend on circuit his fans were like wait. what. this is brand-new information. 

you will notice that throughout this post there are a Lot of heart-on-sleeve quotes from ferru, and fewer from juanki. what happens is that when you don't talk about your feelings, they explode without warning in Grand Gestures. juanki LOVES a Grand Gesture. ferrufest 2k19 is the most notable but far from only instance, see also organizing special surprises at their special tournament. (the open letter is somewhere in the middle, i would be fascinated to know if he would have been that forthcoming if asked point blank. i mean, maybe so!!!! personal growth!!!)

sidenote, but imo you can see the exact same dichotomy at work with juanki and carlos, where he goes out of his way to reject the we're-like-family premise and then acts the exact opposite. ("i leave the father thing to his actual father." ok juan carlos.) he used to do the same thing wrt his own coach since childhood, "i wouldn't call him a father figure, that would be weird…" this is how you end up naming things after people and bursting into tears in public! ← the fact that he's a capital-c Crier makes it even more obvious.

you will ALSO notice that despite that 7-2 h2h juanki sure never had any problem with ferru. lol. the appeal presumably goes without saying of a friend who is shouldering his way in among the ~big four and STILL out here in the year of our lord 2009 saying things like, “[Ferrero] is one of the best players in history on clay… I think he can win Roland Garros again. Nadal and Federer will be there but Juan Carlos will be right there behind them. Why not?"

(fwiw i think all of this is very like… normal and human. it's why it's so fun to put him under a microscope.)

and what is also true is that no matter how much you think juanki's life is the academy, it's more than that. he is the academy. like it was founded specifically for him (well, his cohort of young players, of which he was far and away the most promising), and his coach included him in conversations about the Vision and the long-term goals from day one. he lived there with a ROOMMATE for years and years after going pro, despite owning like… a nice house in the city of valencia. (← maybe also a reason he didn't get married until well after retirement lmao.) so when he starts naming parts of the academy after you... it's a Big Deal.

—incidentally it must be comforting to have a ready-made identity on hand when "generational spanish tennis talent" turns out to go. not the way you thought it would.

hm not doing a great job avoiding the pseudo-psychoanalysis, am i. well. i tried.

thoughts on the dynamic (present)

dynamics, 2024:

will-they-won't-they x 20 years

(life) partners

✨✨✨ co-parents ✨✨✨

that one is so overwhelmingly dominant it sort of overshadows everything else. lmao.

king/lionheart STILL only now the one-time king has returned from exile to be an advisor to the new prince—

tbh now that they are both retired and both have their own families they are a little less codependent. normal best friends, i almost said, before remembering the fucking portrait commission. do you think that's hanging up in ferru's house???? i ask myself this every day.

what do i think has changed? ferru is (wonderfully) much less self-effacing. juanki successfully reinvented himself as a top coach. after juanki retired i think they finally started to relate as… i'm not saying they weren't equals before that but maybe to some people (ferru) it didn't feel like they were. and ferru is clearly in his element as dc captain, where his job is literally to be the entire team's emotional support dog. emotional support pack leader? once again: who needs hierarchy, we're all friends here. (he gave coaching a brief shot but it didn't stick—this my personal theory as to why. based on nothing other than intuition lol.)

hm this section is suspiciously resembling "ferru: the postscript." well we all see a lot of juanki, he's doing great lol. if anything i think having ferru around is good for him, keeps him from getting too martyred. every time ferru and carlitos TEAM UP to tease juanki is jfkldajf;l so delightful. (to modestly quote my own tag, "just two dogs yapping at their favorite cat.")

but shipping nonsense aside: i genuinely think it is really lovely and heart-warming to see two people who clearly mean so much to each other and are still such a big part of each other's lives after so long—even/especially despite the changes. some people grow apart. some people grow together. :)

and if you want to throw in twenty years of pining SO MUCH THE BETTER

--

christ that is. so much text. uhhhh hopefully this was informative/entertaining/morbidly fascinating, and everyone who reads it will feel mysteriously compelled to start including ferruero subplots in their sincaraz fic. :D?? :D????

you have SO many options. practically married. one-sided pining for many years. (whooo in this post sounds like they would do that.) MUTUAL pining for many years. practically married but haven't realized it. tour arrangement but they caught feelings. second-chance romance years after a youthful failed fling. the parent trap, starring carlitos alcaraz— [curtain falls as i am forcibly dragged from the stage]

[blujayonthewing]

HE'S COOL

it IS nice, as someone who's a lot more used to 'what if I meet my internet friends irl and they don't like me' type anxiety, to have 'what if I meet my friend's internet friend and I don't like him' anxiety once in awhile instead

[teddybeartoji]

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[remindingpersephone]

Curveballs

When life gives you . . . stitches? So I had to have a cyst removed from my back and it was a big boy, so it took 13 stitches to close that hole up (there are so many jokes here). The doc said no lifting, no stretching, because stitches on the back (it's actually closer to shoulder) can rip easily. Since I can't get into the pool - healing wound = no soaking - and it's 9,823 degrees outside so no walking, my living room workouts are the only option. But when I do those it's a lot of arm flailing and improvising because I cannot follow choreography to save my life.

Now, there was a time when I would have used these restrictions as an excuse to completely abandon my fitness goals. I would stop all cardio, sit on the couch, eat way too many brownies, and totally derail my fitness progress.

But this time was different. I've kept up with all lower body strength workouts, and for cardio I bought an under-the-desk, mini-bike-peddle machine. Now, no one is going to mistake this for a real bike. But let me tell you I have gotten my heart rate way the hell up on that little thing. And I can keep my upper body stabile so as not to rip those stitches.

I've also been trying out intermittent fasting, although it didn't really start out with that as the goal. I wanted to see if I was eating because I was hungry, or just out of habit/schedule/when I thought I should eat. Also, my 6:30am breakfasts were starting to feel like habit instead of hunger. So I stopped eating until I was actually hungry. Turns out I'm not really hungry until about 11:30 AM. I also stopped eating after 8PM at night. I had always been a late dinner and even later dessert/snacker. Not only has eating mostly between the hours of 11:30am and 7:30pm helped my digestion, it's lowered my overall calorie intake. It's also making me stop and really think if I'm actually hungry before I eat. Do I need that snack or am I just bored? Do I need that treat or am I just emotional? I know the word "intuitive" is over-used these days, but that's pretty much what I did.

Now, I know tomorrow or next week this could all change. I am a person who not only embraces change, but seeks it out. I am always changing things up in small and large ways. Sometimes routines work for me and sometimes they don't. I'm getting better at not trying to force myself to do things just because the generally accepted wisdom says I should. Or the current trends are encouraging this thing or that thing.

Since we're talking about health, I will tell you I've cut way back on my social media consumption. It just got to a point where I was internalizing a lot of what I was reading and watching, and as we all know, a lot of what's on social media is negative. That negativity was having a bigger effect on me than I realized. Until that over-exposure was gone, I couldn't make the connection on some unexpected effects it was having. Sorry, I'm not intentionally trying to be vague. I just can't really explain it other than to say reducing my exposure to the ugliness and fear that perpetuates even Tumblr and Instagram has had a positive effect on my state of mind. This is a long and rambly way of me saying I'm sorry if I haven't been hearting and commenting on my mutuals posts like I once had. I try to pop in when I can, and I really do read what I heart. I just can't consume it at the rate I once did. But please know that I am always here for DMs and you can email me at anindependentguinevere {at} g mail dot com anytime you want to chat or need support. I am here for that always.

Wow, that was way longer than I intended. Hugs and kisses to those you who made it all the way through. Now let's go get some ice cream!

[lesseraive]

hiiiiiii! i have 1,000 followers on tunglr dot com now :] recently i’ve been feeling a bit errrrrr weird about tumblr and being online so i’m going to be sentimental for a moment ❤️

i’ve had this blog since 2015 and have gone through a lot of personal growth since then. in relation to tumblr, i went through being horribly embarrassed to use tumblr bc it “wasn’t cool anymore” 😭 and only lurking on the site for years until i decided to not care about ppl and use my fav social media site. shortly after i had the idea to try out giffing again and i’m so grateful that i decided to do that! not only did i have a lot of fun relearning the process but it brought me to a lot of mutuals and gave me many real genuine friends. i just want to thank everyone who has been nice to me on this site and the people who have supported me. i know it’s just tumblr but i feel like being here and meeting you guys have really helped me as the person i am today (like girl i’ve had this blog since i was 13 😭). so thank you and i love you guys! i’m tagging some of you guys down below

shouting out the femcels: jacqueline @discoretro, nes @tidalpools, kaitlyn my discord wife @blushiro, keira @nutelly, chlo @cherryhub, bella @funfactory, kaelani @horrormanga, berri @tsukimimi, nico @yutito, julien @jyuchyu, ardie @spiderbyhoshi, shan @snsdpop, fiona @wlwrising, valentine @cultcupid, mille @ickytwenties

shouting out wltb: hales @3rachaas, lee @komca, theo @toplines, ace @ajusnice, shri @twiceland, shreya @fawad-khan, sunaina @tutontawan, lili @ninqz, zaynab @jeonwonwoo

the best fearnots!: ali @jisoopremacy, anna @parkjimiin, blu @soobin-chois (and shri again djshfkl)

beloved mutuals: tata @cchuu, cj @foxzzlo, atz @killinmegoods, alexa @rosieposie, bella @minalesbian, isai @solojihyo, zay @mainfaggot, zee @marktual, aj @luvcall, mar @sunmisbf, alex @yoohyeontual, sibby @heartattackbychuu, lau @anatchayas, ally @hallmarkecard, tris @shnryjn, kira @loveinheart, ariel @sanaz, lizzie @larme, wren @newporters

[evangelina830]

-📌 -

���Side blogs

- @catfortress (tf2 fan au ask blog where they are cats!)

- @outofthisworld69 (rp blog for my tf2 sona, Bandit!)

🩵Intro

- Hallo! I am Evangelina but u can call me Evan :D and mutuals can call me Miles if they want^^ I love cats (especially my torti, Molly :>), singing, piano, romance, taking photos of the sky/bugs, and art !

- I lack a thing called gender so I kindly ask for they/them pronouns :3

- I’m currently learning Spanish

- Commissions!! - currently open

- I’m 17 and my bday is August 30th

- Feel free to send art requests through that button, but I can’t promise a fast answer xdd (ocs, other ships than I post, and just questions are fine!)

- Anxiety is apart of me, so apologies if I’m weird sometimes or something x,)) (anxiety disorder augghh)

🚫Boundaries

- DNI - Proshitters, non-con likers, zoophile, AI ‘artists’, racist, homophobe/transphobe, gross people like lolicon, yeah (and anyone that just likes to cause problems lol)

- Don’t trace/repost my art anywhere!! If you want to use it (like for profile), please ask me first. If I say you may, please credit me!

- If we are mutuals, you’re more than welcome to DM me anytime, but I’m not 100% quick at responding x)

- If we are NOT mutuals, please don’t message me unless it’s within reason or you are wanting a commission. (I’ve had plenty DM me constantly and get upset when I didn’t always respond :,3)

- I don’t care for suggestive, so as long as things you post aren’t on the dni list, you’re welcome to follow/interact with me^^

💙Things on my account

- my current interest is TF2! (Sometimes when I find a new interest, that’s all I think about, so I apologies if I suddenly move to something else😭)

- Every fixation in media or so, I have a favorite pairing… and I tend to make fan-kids for them :3 (usually just one), also I like to make other ocs for the fandom

- When i get fixated on said media, pretty much all I think about is that ship… but I love others and I’m not picky! (I love bloody suit lol)

- It’s probably necessary to put that I’m a sucker for the enemies to lovers trope - and somehow at the same time, am I an absolute sucker for romance. So I suppose prepare for cringe (?) on Tumblr dot com!

- I’m always drawng!! Digitally, occasional traditional^^ (crafting included)

✨Tags

- #EvanSona - the way I draw myself in fandoms

- #EvanArt - renders!

- #EvanDoodles - doodles and sketches

- #EvanCrafting - felting, origami, needle felting

- #EvanDrawing - traditional drawing

- #EvanUpdates - self explanatory lol

- #EvanAnswers - answering asks^^

- #EvanReblogs - for reblogs

- #EvanOther - other stuff

🤍Socials

- Instagram - @evangelina_830

- Twitter - @evangelina_830 (barely active)

- Discord - ask

[biblicallyaccuratepigeons]

Welcome, traveller

Seraph-Chim's the name; being only vaguely strange is my game.

At first, I didn't think there was really much else to know before looking through my blog. I'm generally an open book; I figured my posts and reblogs would speak for themselves about who I am.

However, after a few months of really being active on this site, it seems that I was wrong.

Here are the most crucial parts about myself:

Sexuality: it has come to my attention that I am a gray ace!

Gender identity: This is a complicated one. I've had a bit of a journey reaching this conclusion, which you can check out in my #about gender posts (as of now, there may be a couple missing! am currently in the painstakingly slow process of organizing this blog ;v;), but the long and short of it is that I'm simultaneously every gender and nothing at all. As such, anyone is free to use any gendered or non-gendered terms which feel the most accurate at the time (or are the funniest in context >:}). I do use it/its as well, often in the first person; regarding neos, my favorite ones are ci/cim/cir or ki/kem/ker, but again, just say whatever feels accurate.

Kintypes: I'm an angel and a stormkin! This is also complicated. Being an angel is easy to explain: humans, like angels, are spiritual creatures which take a variety of forms and have a variety of strengths, who may or may not choose to devote themselves to a higher being or goal. It's a little bit difficult for me to summarize for someone who doesn't already have some kind of framework for it, but basically you can think of my soul as being a different shape from other humans', which is why I describe myself as an angel. I've been an angel for my whole life. Being stormkin is a little different for me; it's less that I am a storm and more that storms and wind are my family. I was adopted, or perhaps adopted myself to them, a few years ago, but we've always been good friends.

Fandoms: This and that, but lately? Mostly Gravity Falls and Sonic. Most of the Sonic stuff you'll see here is Sonadow; I'm also a Billford shipper. This doesn't mean that I think Bill and Ford's relationship is or ever was healthy or ideal. It means that I recognize the spark, the passion, the compatibility, and I love seeing them interact in any context.

And now, the scary part.

I'm a Christian. I love being a Christian, more than I love any of the things I've mentioned about myself, because I love my god. I love Him more than anyone or anything else. He saved my life over and over despite who I was and am, because He's just that kinda guy and He's powerful enough to do it.

However, I know that saying all of that doesn't mean much in this world; certainly, on tumblr dot com, it's more likely to get me blocked or ignored than much else. I'm incredibly fortunate that my first mutual here, now a much beloved friend, was someone who understood me as myself without jumping to any conclusions because of my faith.

So here's a brief summary of where I stand, morally and philosophically, about all of the above statements.

Sexuality: Love is love, affection is affection, attraction is attraction. God gave us feelings in order to make sense of and make the most of this world He's made; all the good He's put into it, and all the bad that's come into it. Feelings are not only a proof of who we are, but also an instrument by which we thrive. Feelings are a morally good thing. I am of the belief that they don't have to define or control us. In much the same way we must train ourselves not to lose our tempers, the life I have chosen also begs me not to lose my head over any individual, regardless of sex. I can love whomever I choose, and I can spend my life with whomever I choose, but because of my faith I will not allow myself to have sex with anyone I'm not married to, and I will not allow myself to marry more than one person of the opposite sex from myself. As for my sex-repulsion, that is a byproduct of past trauma, which I will not go into detail about here. It's something I live with, and which causes me to hate myself, so of course it's not ideal; on the other hand, feelings are a handy tool, yes? I've chosen to hold onto it, and together, God and I are slowly molding it into something healthier and less self-destructive.

Gender identity: Really, I'm just me. God made me who I am, and if that means a soul that doesn't look like the body it's tied to, so what? He loves variety, sue Him. For the sake of the people around me, I've talked with Him at length, and we've come to a deal: I'll get gender-affirming surgery when I'm 50. Till then, I can express my gender in any way I please, so long as this precious vessel goes relatively undamaged as a result. If this is how I view myself, who am I to tell anyone else what their soul looks like? I do believe in practicing discernment, of course–someone who's grown up in a home heavily biased against a certain gender, for instance, is likely to lean away from expression of that gender for emotional survival, given the choice; and a repeated sex offender is, of course, going to tell any lie that may keep them out of trouble–but generally? Until you can prove yourself wrong, I'll take your words at face value. (In this vein, I do think that our society has lost hold of what being a Man or a Woman means, aside from the false dichotomy of gender itself. Perhaps all this genderfuckery is our way of searching for it? Certainly, I hope to someday understand it.)

Kintypes: Similar to gender, who cares if my soul doesn't look like other human souls? Being an angel in the way that I am isn't so uncommon amongst Christians as one might think, and being close with the wind and rain just means God has given me yet another way to listen to His voice and worship Him. Believing in God, and believing that He's good, of course I believe in an Enemy, a demonic source of evil; but unless a demon talks to me, what can I know of its nature? Being otherkin, alterhuman, non-human, or therian doesn't automatically point to demonization, in my opinion. I have seen a great number of angels who believe that this life is a punishment or proof of abandonment from God, and that is a lie, but the being is not necessarily. As for godkins, I have no reason not to believe you, either. My god already calls humans "little gods," and all spiritual creatures, god or not, are called "elohim." If you say your soul is more elohim-shaped in a godly way than mine or other humans, why should I not believe you? If you have old memories, or muted abilities and affinities, what difference does it make to me? We're cousins, you and I, in a way we can never be with other kintypes.

Fandoms: Fantasy, obviously, is a fiction. Humans share stories that mean something to us, it's what we were made to do, so there's nothing wrong with it.

Religion: I have placed my belief in one God, the Father Almighty, Creator of heaven and earth, of all things visible and invisible; and in one Lord, Jesus Christ, Son of God, the only-begotten, born of the Father before all ages. Light from light, true God from true God, begotten, not made, one in essence with the Father; through Him all things were made. For us and for our salvation, He came down from heaven and was incarnate by the Holy Spirit and the Virgin Mary, and became man. He was crucified by Pontius Pilate, and suffered and was buried. He rose on the third day according to the scriptures. He ascended into heaven and is seated at the right hand of the Father, and He is coming again in glory to judge the living and the dead, and His kingdom will have no end. And I believe in the Holy Spirit, the Lord, the Creator of Life, who proceeds from the Father. Together with the Father and the Son, He is worshipped and glorified; He spoke through the prophets. I believe in one, holy, catholic and apostolic Church. I have been baptized by the Holy Spirit for the remission of sin, and as a public sacrament for the denouncing of it. I wait here, eagerly and expectantly, for the resurrection of the dead among you and of those of my brethren who have passed on, and for the life of the world to come. This does not mean that I dismiss other gods nor the various magics as fairy tales; only that, by nature, I am opposed to those powers which would keep us all from the one God with enough love and power to anoint Himself with His own wrath in order to defeat the spiritual death into which we are born by inheritance, and someday soon, to kill death altogether.

If you've read this far, thank you for your time! Know that I love you, and that I'm able to because my god decided that we each were worth something more than mere dust.

🥔

[osaemu]

mini-announcement, i probably won't be posting/interacting over the weekend because i have a big tournament and i'll be spending time with my team !! just a heads up in case you're wondering why i haven't replied to you or your ask yet :,) sorry about that 🤍

cw: discourse under the cut.

i didn't want to have to make this post, but lately i've been receiving a lot of anonymous asks about a certain blog and unfortunately, it's gotten to a point where i feel like i have to address it. don't take this post as being hateful in any way—this is just something i just wanted to get off my chest. this isn't a big deal, so no reblogs either, thanks.

the bottom four asks all came within a span of five minutes, so i think it's a reasonable assumption to make that they were all sent by the same person. as for who that is, i'll get into that at the end of the post.

but first of all, i can say without a doubt that i have a personality of my own. case closed. nobody's actually said how we're similar in any way, so i'll assume these are all from no-lifes who couldn't find anything better to hate on.

second of all, my netflix banner was actually inspired by another blog, who i won't namedrop for the sake of their peace. and either way, our banners don't even look similar, nor do either of us own netflix. x x

and finally, those are actually the two most braindead asks i've ever received. are we copyrighting letters now? does anyone own the letter e?

don't compare blogs/writers—it's never ended well, and it never will.

even after getting these asks, i still didn't say anything about it because.. i don't really care. everyone's entitled to their own opinion, and what you think of me is up to you.

moving on, i think tee left tumblr sometime in between that time and now, and i was told by a mutual that i was mentioned within the post. if i'm being completely honest, i didn't read all of it because we have each other blocked anyways and it was a lot to read through.. so i skimmed over the bit about me, but didn't really see anything of interest, which is why i didn't address it.

i also had anons on at the time, and i did think it was interesting how i didn't receive a single ask about tee from then up until today, about a month later. up until a couple hours ago, i hadn't even thought about her because, again, i don't care. this is tumblr dot com, not my love life. most of the drama here is over pixels anyways, so i don't waste my day thinking about it.

neither of these are particularly interesting, but the fact that you weirdos are still associating me with someone who i'm not even mutuals with is.. not to my liking.

idk what false accounts the second anon's talking about, because i don't go looking for drama. if you need proof, here's how many sideblogs i have... (click the image)

zero!

as for the idea that i'm jealous of tee, i'm perfectly fine with the amount of followers i have now. i've always been open about my satisfaction with my interaction rates, and that hasn't changed.

and obviously, tee's a good writer—when have i ever said otherwise? if it was based solely off of writing, i would say that she deserves every single one of her followers, maybe even more. i don't think anybody on this app would disagree with me when i say that she's genuinely one of the best fanfic writers i've come across.

however, i won't support someone just because i like their content. i've stopped listening to many artists because i didn't like who they were as a person, and similarly, once i read the reblogs on a certain callout post, i stopped consuming tee's content as well.

there's a reason i avoided making this post in the past—because i don't really have anything to say. tee and i have never had a directly negative interaction, as i'm sure you all can see in her archival post. the reason i don't support her anymore is because i didn't particularly like how she never spoke up about her followers sending death threats to other followers. that's it.

while i have my guesses as to who sent those anons, i don't care enough to find out. and i think it's better that way. this conflict's been dragged on for long enough, and this is my way of saying that i'd like to be excluded from this narrative from now on.

tee, if someone sends you this post at some point, feel free to contact me if you'd like to clear anything up. we're both adults, and i think we can agree that nothing monumental has happened between us to cause any of this. honestly, the only people dragging this on are the weirdo anons in my inbox.

to whoever's reading this post, thank you for listening to my side of the story—it was nice to be able to get this off my chest. wish me luck at my tournament, and i'll be back after the weekend !! 🤍

[not-so-rosyyy]

Never apologize for living your best life 🥰 anyone willing to negatively comment on others fun silly happiness should know that’s cringe in itself

for every rude, whacko anon, there are lovely ones like you and all my mutuals who I feel actually took care of my drunk ass last night through tumblr dot com even though they were all just yelling at me to go to bed 🥹😭🥰