#threesomes. but otherwise they don’t have sex really Except for when either of them get stress headaches and then they trade handys in a

[quietwingsinthesky]

ianto and gwen are not each other’s type but they are fantastic teammates and very good as friends, and they have a common interest here (fucking jack. also making sure jack is like. relatively okay.) and with their combined power i think they could fix him.

[bluestar22x]

Easier to make a list for smutty/romantic fics. I can’t think of a trope I hate for non-romantic fics.

Sketchy And/Or Illegal Stuff (because I can’t separate from my morals when it comes to love scenes - need it to be healthy):

- Incest/romantic relationships with adopted kids by far #1 worst (I have zero tolerance and am not afraid to say I want to vomit seeing these fics cross my dash) - Same goes for fics with underage partners (if they were both in high school when they got together...okay, but otherwise very sketch)

- Too much of an age gap (a 50 year old dating someone who’s 20 is just errrr... if they have a kid older than or the same age as their partner errrr...) Age gap matters less to me once the younger partner is around 30 but I still prefer less age gap.

- Any kind of fic with degrading/abusive partners (not treating their partner right)

- Dad’s best friend (that is soooo sketchy - goes along with the too big of an age gap thing too)

- Dating the boss (depends on the situation but that power dynamic is dangerous) - Same goes for dating a college teacher (if they’re in charge of their partner’s grades/much older)

- The Omegaverse stuff too many werewolf fics have (again, the power play is sketchy to me)

Middle Ground:

- Violence/blood during a love scene (vampires drinking blood is a gray area here and this one’s complicated - it could fit under the illegal list in some cases like committing murder before sex). Also a vampire love scene where they're covered in blood - no thanks. That's horrific. Do you know how awful blood (iron) smells in large amounts?

- Daddy kink (I simply don’t get how it’s hot - I find it extremely awkward to read a smut scene with that word used in a sexy manner - I cringe so badly)

- Cheating fics (It’s not hot sneaking around, lying to a spouse - just get divorced okay? I refuse to read my favorite characters cheating on someone/being an adulterer. It’s not safe for the partner being cheated on.)

- Love triangles (someone’s going to get hurt and someone’s going to look like an indecisive jerk - and I do not like it - I’ve had shows with this trope, I don’t need it in my books/fanfics) but you do you.

- Jealously fics (overpossessiveness isn’t hot to me like overprotectiveness can be)

- Arranged Marriage (are both parties consenting and are there no power issues?)

-Pretty much anything that takes away ability to consent (both parties being drunk is an exception, they're on even ground)

- An untrustworthy or controlling partner in general

Nothing Wrong But Still Not My Thing Stuff:

- Threesomes/sharing partners (my romantic heart says nope - feels like if there's a middle person they're shared meat lol - also there’s an ick factor for me if a person is “shared” between 2 siblings - I know it’s not really incest but...)

- Fated love (you HAVE to be together because it’s Fate - the lack of choice is a bit concerning for me but since neither partner has a choice it's not sketchy - but Supernatural made me #TeamFreeWill)

- S&M (consenting S&M is fine but purposeful pain and dom/sub stuff is simply not my tea)

- It’s illogical, but one word: spitting [into partner’s mouth]. Globs of spit got me fleeing to the nearest exit like the building’s on fire. lol

-Anything I'm not into reading, really (like anal or locations that are too public - private beaches and woods are hot though).

Other Notes: Most of the common/typical stuff I’ll either enjoy reading or will tolerate it. I may not always find it hot, but I’ll stick around for the stuff I do like reading.

Tropes I actually like:

Pregnancy/kid fics - Consenting recklessness (no protection), trying to get pregnant, pregnancy, accidents, and ones with older kids (adopted or biological) in them. I love too many dad characters to not like them being a dad in fics.

Would thigh riding be one? ha

Pent up need for each other but they cope in healthy ways - if you know what I mean

One Night Stands (that lead to more)

Blind dates/set ups that lead to more

A more experienced person "teaching" the other (as long as it's not in a creepy babying way/too huge an age gap)

Talking through it (I tend to be of the "less is more" mindset, but communication when needed or when fitting is hot - aka the teaching thing above or asking for something/telling partner to tell them what they want/need, etc.)

Enemies to Lovers (not all cases, but I don't hate this trope on principle), Friends to Lovers, Crush to Lovers

Saving Each Other/Helping Each Other Heal

Overprotectiveness (not to the point where it's really unhealthy, but someone defending their partner can be hot/them treating someone like glass can be cute depending on the situation imo)

Whirlwind Romance (I don't mind two people ending up in love fast, a fic won't lose me just for that, but it does depend on how it all plays out and the reason why they fell in love so fast. - Finding each other hot is not love.)

I feel like starting shit, rb and tag/comment with your least favorite fanfic trope (smutty or no, up to you)

[seakicker]

brainrot about naga reader its v incoherent...

wwhat do u think of a pretty little naga reader... soft and small and nesting in her soft bed of stolen blankets when in heat.... then wake up to see big naga hunter childe standing in front of her, groping and petting her tail and tummy, trying to take her home to take care of her because he knows its mating season but getting sad when he remembers he cant give her eggs... but if he remembers correctly,, he has a friend whos a dragon hybrid...

ANON (GRABS YOU) (YANKS YOU IN CLOSE) (KISSES YOU) i have NOT been able to stop thinking about this ask since i got it holy shit. monstergirl reader is always a major bonus!

fem reader, reader is a snakegirl/lamia/naga (however you’d like to call her), zhongli has two cocks, exhibitionism (childe watches it all happen and eventually joins in), threesome, breeding, oviposition, heat/rut, and pregnancy below! also some references to some dark undercurrents like poaching, the illegal pet trade, and murder. i might have made this story a little darker than you intended, so i did my best to keep it to a minimum! but will happily elaborate on childe and zhongli here if asked

also crossposted to ao3 after some cleanup and editing to make it more consistent with the style of my ao3 works, as i tend to be a little more casual here (ie using first person and no capitalization)

i’m thinking about a reader whose heat maybe came earlier than expected or just otherwise failed to get a mate before mating season began, and now she’s left to suffer all alone and unbearably horny in her den in a hollow cave… the only comfort you’re provided comes from the blankets and pillows piled below you, but it does absolutely nothing to calm the hot spell raging through your body. lamias don’t sweat either since they’re cold-blooded and don’t self-regulate their body temperature, so you have no way of calming yourself down whatsoever— just a poor, whiny little lamia reader bemoaning the fact that she doesn’t have a mate to give her the comfort she so desperately needs… the only thing that would calm you down now is a lover breeding you full of his eggs as any good little mate should be receptive to receiving.

you’re so desperate you’re crying and whimpering as you try as hard as you can to take the edge off your heat by masturbating, but it’s pointless— it’s not pleasure you need, it’s breeding. lamias aren’t like humans in the sense that having sex purely for pleasure rather than procreating is a common concept— while there are surely lamia and naga couples who have sex for pleasure, especially ones who are already mates for life, that doesn’t mean it takes priority over true breeding the way it might for human couples, so to speak. your lamia instincts demand that you attempt to breed every single mating season, and the fact that you don’t have a mate this time seems to be hitting you especially hard. you've been at it for hours, hurriedly rubbing at the outer lips of your cunt and spreading them open for your other hand rather than to entice a partner into breeding you silly, and yet it's all proving to be a downright fruitless endeavor in your quest to satiate your heat.

you don’t realize that you’ve fallen asleep in the midst of your exhaustion— being kept up for a consecutive thirty hours or so by your raging heat will lead to such an outcome— until the soft, loving touch of a foreign hand rubbing against your long, scaled tail wakes you. were it literally any other time of the year except for mating season, you’d already be twisting yourself into a defensive position, ready to pounce on the foreign intruder for encroaching upon your den, but that’s the last thing on your mind right now.

what you’d really like from this visitor rather than his immediate departure are his eggs in your belly, but you can barely muster up the energy to even ask. all you can manage is a tilt of your head as you gaze up at your visitor, your bare chest falling with each shaky, heavy breath you draw. modesty is irrelevant to you, as horny and needy as you are now; if anything, you hope it arouses him into giving you exactly what you need.

“hey, it’s alright,” a cheery, masculine voice whispers, soothing you with soft movements that don’t trigger any of your danger alarms. “i won’t hurt you— i’m not so evil as to kill someone this helpless. the fight is what makes a hunt fun, y’know?”

ah. a naga— or perhaps just a general exotic beast— hunter. exactly what a lamia at her most vulnerable needs; not only that, but he's a human, meaning he won’t be able to meet your needs. though there have been many, many stories of humans being impregnated by monsters, the inverse is a rarity considering the relative weakness of humans as breeders... as far as beastfolk are concerned, humans make better incubators or hosts than breeders. additionally, in creatures that don't have live births such as lamias and mermaids, impregnation from a human lover is generally outright impossible.

despite his outright proclamation that he’s generally someone who kills your kind, you still can’t quite find it in you to feel afraid or territorial— were you in a more clear state of mind, you’d probably feel somewhat embarrassed by the fact that the only thing running through your mind is breed me breed me breed me breed me breed me as your new visitor continues to talk. you know that he can't breed you, but it doesn't matter— your mind is too far gone to be rational.

“besides, mating season brings its own kind of fun for hunters,” he adds with a grin, licking his lips and tracing his hand up the softer scales of the frontside of your tail to make his way to your more human bits. he rubs a palm over your belly, pressing against the space where your woefully empty womb rests. “if only i could solve your problem for good, right? i know someone who could help you, though, if you wanna come with me.”

agreeing to let a stranger—and a hunter at that— take you from the safety of your den and into the uncertainty of his home is something only a dumb, desperate, pliant, needy, and hormone-drunk lamia in heat would do… which is exactly why you’re agreeing to this stranger’s offer because the promise of getting bred stuck in your mind far more intensely than any hint of danger might have.

he’s exceptionally gentle with you despite the aura of danger a hunter innately carries with him— he doesn’t sling you over his shoulder like a sack of flour as he carries you into his home, instead he wraps one of your blankets around your shoulders (for modesty’s sake, one would assume, though you heatedly wonder if it’s his way of comforting you with a familiar object as he brings you into an unfamiliar environment) and gently carries you all the way to his home. aren’t you and your yards and yards of tail heavy?

then you figure he’s used to this. he’s used to hauling lamias away from their dens to either fuck them or kill them or fuck them then kill them, because that’s what hunters do… but that’s none of your concern right now. all you can focus on is the excitement of being able to be filled with eggs, assuming this stranger’s offer was a promise rather than a trap.

it's difficult to dwell on possibilities or any apparent danger when the only thing your mind can seem to focus on is your biological instinct to be a mother.

“you’re beautiful,” he purrs, eyeing your emerald scales with the same greed and scrutiny as a jeweler admiring his stones. “xiangsheng’s going to love you. such a lovely little lamia… you’d fetch me a pretty penny if i were in the market of selling exotic pets; you’re surely lovely enough to be one! i’m sure he’ll be excited to be with someone more similar to him than a human is.”

a naga male?

“please, i…” you gasp, clawing at your blanket to uncover your breasts, the sensation of even a shred of fabric on your body proving to be claustrophobic. “i need it, i need him, i…”

“so desperate,” he hums, gently lying you down against his bed once he’s managed to get you up the stairs. “oh, you’re just my type. really, it’s almost cruel that celestia didn’t make me a naga so i could breed you myself… i’ll be sure to have plenty of fun with you once xiangsheng’s done giving you what you need.”

the man offers you a wink and turns to leave the room as you settle back into his bed, clutching his pillows with your clawed fingers as you pant and writhe against the covers. even just the smell of a human male is driving you downright mad— he smells of the forests you're familiar with: earthy, rich, and strong. archons, if you don’t get bred right this very second…

“childe, you know i have no interest in your… hobbies,” another voice admonishes from just past the doorway, finally assigning a name to the man who rescued (or perhaps doomed) you. “i was unaware that this is what you were planning when you first invited me over.”

“but xiangsheng,” childe protests playfully, bringing the other man back into the room to greet you. “you couldn’t let a poor little lamia go so lonely, could you? lamias and dragons are friends, right?”

not a naga male, but a dragon male? though lamias and dragons—both being reptilian beasts—certainly have their similarities, there's no doubt in any lamia's mind that dragons are much stronger, wiser, and more well-respected than other reptilian beastfolk. dragons are touted as the destroyers of villages and entire armies, bringers of ruin and destruction, keepers of knowledge and treasures, and guardians of nations and nature, and the most representation lamias get in fantasy tales comes in the form of seductive temptresses preying on innocent, unassuming travelers. to receive the honor of carrying a dragon's clutch... the natural order of things spurs you to sit up a little straighter and whimper at the scent of his innate reptilian pheromones, gasping and pleading once more for what you need.

“please!” you cry, gripping at the pillows behind you. you don’t miss the way ‘xiangsheng’s’ pupils dilate in response to your body and your pheromones— he certainly seems to be a man more than capable of keeping his emotions in check, yet nothing is stronger than the forces of reptilian biology and instincts. he doesn’t appear to be in his own rut— does he already have a mate? does dragon mating season occur at a different time of year than other reptilian beasts’ mating seasons do? do you not arouse him past the scent of your pheromones?

"he brought me all this way here... so i could..." you manage between heavy pants, one of your hands wandering down to trace the outer lips of your cunt. it sits just above where your reptilian scales end and meet human skin at your hips, flushed and wet like a human's might be when aroused, yet yours is so discreet when unaroused that it’s practically unnoticeable; the bloodflow as a result of arousal is what makes it noticeable and enticing to mates.

the man known to you only as xiangsheng casts childe a suspicious and disapproving glance as if he knows something you don't— childe only raises his eyebrows and smirks in response.

“this wouldn’t be your first time with one of my sweet little prey, right? you don’t need to act all dignified,” childe laughs, patting him on the back and gazing over at you again. “look at her. she’s soaked. i’ve never caught a lamia more willing and desperate. help out one of your own kind, will you?”

“serpents and dragonfolk aren’t as similar as you seem to believe they are, childe.”

“you both have scales. you both have claws. any supposed difference past that is nothing more than humans having different eye colors,” childe dismisses him with an indifferent wave of his hand. “besides. you can give her what she needs; i can’t. she wants to be a mommy, xian— no, zhongli. help her out and i’ll make it worth your time, alright?”

childe pulls a coin out of his pocket and flicks it into the air with his thumb, an act that catches the other man’s attention momentarily. "and why, may i ask," zhongli asks, turning back to face you as you lie helpless and quivering against childe's bed. "are you so insistent upon aiding this woman if your hobbies typically involve... capture and execution?"

childe only grins at him again, humming a light tune as he moves to sit on the edge of his bed. he runs a hand up the sleek, shimmery scales of your tail, whistling in approval at the texture and luster of them. "because she's a beauty, that's why. and i like to help the needy, you know? such a sweet, desperate little thing can't be left to her own devices for the rest of mating season... that'd be cruelty!"

zhongli signs with resignation and joins the two of you on the bed, taking care to avoid sitting on your tail as he makes himself comfortable. he meets your hazy gaze again, his molten amber eyes burning with very apparent desire as he joins childe in sliding a hand up the smooth expanse of your tail.

"you are lovely," he nods in agreement, prompting a delighted hum from childe.

"i told you so," childe adds, grinning at you. "i told you he'd adore you. xiangsheng has a real eye for beauty, you know... he's accurately appraised more gemstones and jewelry than every last jeweler in liyue put together."

"their intentions lie with creating a profit, not appreciating the beauty of each gemstone for what it is," zhongli says matter-of-factly and almost somewhat proudly. "much like you, childe."

"right, me," childe feigns offense by placing a hand over his chest, "but let's save the insults for later, alright? i'm worried our sweet girl will just burst if you keep her waiting even a second longer for what she really needs. isn't that right, dear?"

you nod frantically, parting the puffy lips of your cunt with two of your fingers to helplessly show off how soaked you are. you've been soaked since the moment you first caught whiff of both childe's scent and, more effectively, zhongli's draconic pheromones.

"getting drenched just like a human girl," childe laughs, reaching over to tease at what he assumes is your clit— he's always surprised by just how similar lamia reproductive anatomy is to human reproductive anatomy on the outside; all the differences seem to be internal. his fingers rub and prod at your clit in ways that make you cry out and wiggle against the bed, the tip of your tail twitching rapidly as you try to steady your breathing. "what a doll. a prize catch, if you ask me."

zhongli removes his gloves and cufflinks and sets them aside, his jacket and belt joining soon after. childe seems to be following suit despite the fact that he won't be breeding you— he sheds his outer coat and belt, shamelessly groping at his growing bulge as zhongli takes to teasing your cunt instead.

"have you ever been with a dragon mate before?" he asks you simply, running his fingers down the slick inner lips of your cunt and collecting your wetness on his thumb. you shake your head, too worked up to attempt forming words, your tail gently wrapping around his thigh in a display of serpentine affection.

"then i'll be gentle," zhongli replies, kneeling over the apex of your tail where scale meets skin and freeing his cock— no, cocks— from the confines of his underwear. two cocks... naga males tend to have two as well, and the downright delicious sight of them makes you salivate. "dragons can be a little more... vicious than naga lovers are."

it's familiar, that much is for sure. his cocks stand tall, proud, and flared; the flares and ridges are more dramatic than naga males' are, and you're genuinely twitching with anticipation as he gently guides his cocks towards your sopping cunt.

"yeah, be gentle with her," childe warns. "don't want to hurt her when she'll fetch me a..." he trails off, clearing his throat and groping roughly at your exposed tits instead. "when she's being so good for us, i mean."

zhongli nods in response, and you're breathing so heavily an unexpecting onlooker may assume you to be hyperventilating as he eases both of his cocks into you at once. while the stretch is by no means comfortable or easy, it's at least something you've experienced before in past mating seasons with your naga lovers— though zhongli is far, far thicker than any of them ever were.

"feels good?" childe murmurs, leaning down to kiss your forehead as you whimper and clench around zhongli's cocks. "so cute, look at you... you wanted this so badly, huh? poor little thing, almost went an entire mating season without someone to help you feel good and give you what you want... what do you have to say to xiangsheng for being so nice to you?"

you lift your head off the pillow so you can get a better look at zhongli as he begins to hammer away at your cunt, his cocks effortlessly spreading you open and filling you up all at once. "thank you," you wheeze out amidst your moans, squirming helplessly when childe pinches both of your nipples.

zhongli's hands grip at your waist as he fucks you as quickly as he can, low grunts and groans leaving him on each thrust. he looks just like any mate should as he pounds you— assertive, commanding, domineering, and brutal. jaw clenched, eyebrows furrowed, and eyes lidded as he downright uses you, you've never been more satisfied in your entire life. your future naga lovers will never, ever be able to hold a candle to a dragon lover ever again.

"then show your gratitude by bearing my children," zhongli groans, losing himself to his own reptilian instincts as his mind becomes clouded with nothing but the idea of breeding a pliant, submissive, and wanting mate. childe grins down at you as he slips his cock past your pretty lips, stroking your cheek with his thumb as he begins to slap his hips against your mouth.

"and watch those teeth of yours," childe teases, lovingly pinching your cheek. "fuck, you're good... that tongue..."

you gasp around childe's cock as you feel the push of zhongli’s first egg into your body— you whine as you can feel one of his cocks expanding to accommodate the egg as it passes into your womb, settling nicely into you.

this is what you've been wanting all this time. this is what you've been needing and craving ever since your heat first began. this is what you were made for, what you're best for, what you're only good at— and knowing that you were able to catch the eye of a dragon only adds to your belief that this is truly what you were made for.

childe reaches a hand down to lovingly rest against your belly as zhongli continues to pump you full, your belly rounding out further and further with each egg that pushes into your womb. the sensation makes you moan out with ecstasy each and every time, your body finally, finally calming down now that you're finally, finally being bred nice and full.

"that's it," childe murmurs, spilling his load into your mouth, enjoying the way you cough and gag on his cock as you do your best to swallow as much of his seed as possible. "good, good girl. you're almost done; zhongli's just got a few more, right?"

you shyly reach down to cup your swollen belly as zhongli pushes his last egg into you, and he's stuffed you so full that you're somewhat amazed your body was able to make room for just one more. archons, it's heavy... though your exhaustion is partially at fault as well, your tummy feels so heavy and full like this that you couldn't even lift yourself up off the bed if you tried. you can only gaze proudly at your tummy as zhongli pulls himself out of you, leaving a slick trail of cum along the way that drips from your hole and down onto the sheets.

"you did so well," childe chirps, giving your belly a loving pat. "get some rest, okay? i'll wait to have a go at you until after you've gotten some well-deserved sleep."

you nod dumbly and oblige, allowing your heavy eyelids to fall as you drift off into a comfortable, happy slumber, body and mind satiated and heat effectively quelled by zhongli's efforts. what you feared would be your most barren mating season to date has become your most successful in only a matter of a couple of hours— getting two lovers in one day who are so, so very gentle with you?

you just can't wait for the next season... will childe and zhongli keep you until then?

you sure hope so.

"fifty-fifty works for you again, right?" childe asks zhongli, glancing over at your sleeping form as he redresses himself.

"you know better than to discuss business in front of the product," zhongli replies firmly, fixing his tie and cufflinks dutifully.

childe moves to gently pluck one of your scales from your tail, holding it up to the light of the bedside oil lamp to watch how the keratin reflects the light. "don't worry about that," childe smiles. "she's out like a light. a good girl... we should keep her around for another season before we get rid of her. i'd feel bad about losing a product this nice too quickly."

perhaps you'll get your wish to be with them for one more year granted.

[weirdthinkingdragon]

Silken Binds

You know what? Screw it, I’m going to try writing smut for the first time for my birthday. I’ve had something festering in my mind for a while that I've wanted to try getting down. Has swearing as well. NSFW and has bondage, slight voyeurism?, threesome, unprotected sex, and I'm pretty sure of some horrendous cheesiness. Tried my best to keep the reader gender neutral.

Almost a 4k word fic, tf was I doing?

Erasermic x reader

There was a rather odd-looking box at our door one morning. I had my cup of coffee with me and went to get the mail. Hizashi and Shouta have already left for work. The box was bought under Hizashi’s name, so it’s definitely his. Just what has that mischievous man bought this time? 

It was rather heavy so I ended up putting down my coffee and bringing it in. I’m not one for snooping, so I ended up putting it on the table in the kitchen. Hizashi can take care of it when he gets back home. 

Sitting next to the box and sipping my coffee, I couldn’t help but wonder what it might be. It’s Hizashi though, it could be next to anything. I decided not to dwell on it much and wonder what to do with my day of not working. I’m surprisingly feeling like going out in the public today. The cat cafe is a no-go without Shouta though. He got surprisingly upset last time I went without him and Hizashi. I shiver at remembering the unnecessary lecture. Hmm, there’s the bakery. I haven’t had a good snack from there in a while. Shopping? Ugh, that’s a little too much. Staying home and cleaning? The house doesn’t need it. The forest not too far away? Most likely not safe as well with all the attacks recently. Is anywhere technically safe around here? Not really. 

I eventually decided to hang out with a few friends that were free for the day. Two out of the three of them brought their boyfriends. It twinges my heart a little bit at them being together. Of course, I love the ones I’m with, but they’re often busy so we don’t get to be together much. These guys get that time a lot more from not being heroes. I knew this would happen and try to not let it get to me. My other friend who had absolutely no interest in being in a relationship picked up on my mood. She slings her arm over my shoulders. “Hey! What should we do guys? If you guys don’t stop I’ll make ya all dance with my lasers and dance on your graves when I hit ya!” 

That got them to stop. Everyone knows she’s not afraid to use her laser quirk that can cut through steel to harm others if they piss her off. One of them seems to be in thought for a minute. “How about the mall? We haven’t been there in a surprising amount of time!” I thought I wasn’t going shopping today! The others agree without question, except for my friend with her arm still slung around my shoulders. She hates shopping just as much as I do. She groans in annoyance, but we’re outnumbered four to two. 

Arriving at the mall, it didn’t take long for the day to quickly tick by. Going into the candy store was fun, except buying way too much candy. That’s expected though, and my friend bought twice as much as I did. She has such a sweet tooth it should be illegal. The more we went around, the more I couldn’t get the thought of two specific me out of my head. Like a cool blue leather jacket that Hizashi would rock with no problem, or a tank top with an animated cat holding a steaming coffee cup with a frown on its face Shouta would wear with no objections. The cat was even fluffy and black. Fuck, I really should have figured out their clothing sizes. 

The two girls look at me suddenly. “Hey Y/N, when are you getting a boyfriend? Don’t say you're not interested. You wouldn’t shut up about dreaming about having one before.” That made me really nervous. I’ve never told about my relationship. It can be rather… hated by many for a poly relationship. 

“Uh…” I kinda already do. They’re just busy often." The girl that was much closer to my height grabbed my shoulders and started aggressively shaking me. "HOW COULD YOU KEEP THAT FROM US!? WHO IS IT!? DO WE-" 

My laser friend smacks her hand over their mouth. "Geez, chill, would ya? Maybe they've got a good reason."  

"Have the two of you had sex?" Suddenly pipes up the other female. I awkwardly rub the back of my neck. "A few times… they've been busy like I've said lately." 

The other girl grabbed my wrist. "We HAVE to get you ready for a sexy surprise for him next time! C'mon!" My eyes widen greatly in fear. Hizashi's teasing is already nearly constant. I'd never hear the end of it if I tried what I think they're going to make me do. 

My laser friend knew what they were doing. She quickly grabs my other wrist and manages to get me free from the other. She fakes a yawn. "Oh, man, would you look at the time! We should get going!" 

"Aw, alright. Be sure to tell us the juicy details! Next time!" The shorter girl yells to me as my laser friend and I quickly left.  She let out a sigh of relief when we get a far ways away from the mall. It was already getting dark. 

“Thanks for that. I’d never hear the end of it.” 

She nods. “No problem. Can I hang at your place for a bit? Kinda want to catch up more.”

“Of course!” They wouldn’t be home for a while, so a little company wouldn’t hurt. It didn’t take long to get to my- uh… our home. Still have to get used to saying that, living with them and all.  

She and I sat in the living room. She looks around as she’s never been to the new place I live. She eventually turns back to look at me. “I know this isn’t my place, but could I ask who you’re dating? I’m really curious why you’d keep it a secret.”

I debated whether or not to tell her. Eventually, I relented and decided to tell her. “This is awkward, but uh… Do you know the heroes Present Mic and Eraserhead?” Her widened eyes show she understood quickly. “No way... No fucking way!” She gently punches my shoulder. “No wonder why you haven’t told anyone!” 

“Yeah, the target that would be put on my back wouldn’t be pretty either.” Her movement abruptly stops. “I didn’t think of that. Well, it’s safe with me.” 

I rolled my eyes. “Obviously, or I wouldn’t have told you.” 

And speak of the devil, a certain blond sauntered in. I was surprised. He’s home early. “Hey Songbi- oh, hey! Ya brought company! He quickly plops onto the other side of the couch to me, wrapping an arm around my shoulders. My friend grew her signature “grossed out” face at us, which made me roll my eyes. 

“What are you doing home so early? Don’t you have a radio show tonight?” 

He grew a giant smile on his face. “Nope! Sho also got off of work tonight. We decided we haven’t been around much, and want to change that tonight.” 

He looks over at my friend who has grown a giant smirk on her face. “You don’t have to tell me twice, dear friend. I just wish you told me your “other” is my closest friend!” 

.

.

.

What? They know each other? Hizashi laughs boisterously. “Ha! Well now ya know, just keep it between the group of us, yeah? We don’t need to worry about our dear other more than we already do.” 

“Like I told Y/N, can do,” She stands up. “Hope you have fun with that gift my friend and I worked so hard on.” Hizashi’s smile grew bigger. “We sure will!” My friend quickly leaves after. 

I looked at Hizashi questioningly. “What did she mean by that?” 

Hizashi grew a very concerning wide smile. "Oh, just something we're testin' on dear Sho tonight. We already talked about it earlier. He's willing to try it."

"Why does that sound concerning? Don't you think I should be informed of this too?" 

Hizashi laughs. "I kinda expected ya to open the box by now to figure it out," he beckoned to come towards our bedroom. "C'mon, take a look for yourself!" 

I entered to see black silk rope strewn around the bed. It was rather long, and definitely quite sturdy looking. It clicked in my mind of what he meant. I look at Hizashi incredulously. "There's no way you got him to agree to what I think you did."

That damn smirk proved otherwise. There was a sudden heavy sigh behind me. "He did." 

I turn to see Shouta. He looks like he's had a really rough day. Worry went through me. With how extra exhausted he seems tonight, maybe we should wait for a different night. 

I go up and hug him. He gives one in return. "Maybe we should do this a different night. You need more rest." I informed him as Hizashi came up and gave Shouta a bear hug. He pretended to hate it, but he obviously enjoyed it by slightly relaxing in his embrace. 

"... I can handle it. Just let me shower first." Was his only reply as he trudged to the bathroom. It didn't take long for the shower to be turned on. 

Hizashi grabs another smaller silk rope from the mess of it on the bed. Most likely a blindfold. I'm not going to lie, a bit of excitement courses through me at the thought of not being the one bound this time. 

Of course Hizashi goes through the extra time to get rope for this. Then again, Shouta could most likely easily break through the ropes they use on me. They're thinner and lighter than these. 

"Songbird! Be a dear and grab the lube from the dresser near ya would ya?" He asked as he started to unbutton his red button up t-shirt. I grab it from the dresser and toss it on the bed, going back to staring at the hot man in front of me giving off a delectable show. Every button coming undone revealing just a bit more of his chest. He stops at the final button that still needs to be undone and looks at me. 

"Well, ya sure seem interested. I must be doing a good job for your attention, huh?" He winks as he slowly undoes the last button and strips off the shirt. 

I eye his whole torso with absolutely no embarrassment. "How can I not? You sure know how to captivate an audience~" 

"Why, thank you! I try my best! But with you, I don't think I even have to try." 

I playfully glare at him. "Is that supposed to mean something?" 

"Other than your love for me is more than enough? Maybe. Just kidding!" He quickly hugs me. "That's not near enough! I could never have enough of your attention!" 

I roll my eyes at his cheesiness. "Alright, alright. Now let me get undressed." He let go. "Gonna give me a show in return, Songbird?"

"Pfft, please. As if I could ever come even close to putting on such a show." 

"Aw, ya don't even have to try! You've always got my attention when your hot self walks into any room with me!”

“You can be so fucking cheesy.” I reply and take off my top clothes. “You know you love it.” 

“Mhm, sure.” He eyes my body as we also take off our pants. He eyes me and lets out a whistle. “Damn Songbird, ya sure you ain’t a model?” My face heats up at his compliment. 

“Good thing they’re not. I’d rather not share them with the world.” Piped up Shouta from behind me. He was done with his shower already? He only has a towel wrapped around his waist. Hizashi and I share a smirk in appreciation of Shouta’s body. He leans close to me. “Go behind, I’m going to bind him.” I nodded while Shouta raised a brow. Hizashi grabs Shouta’s hand and drags him to sit on the bed. 

Shouta ends up sitting in the center of the bed with the rope piled to his left side. I quickly take my place behind him while Hizashi sits in front. He takes off the towel and grabs the rope, quickly starting to bind Shouta. 

“Damn Hizashi, when did you learn to bind so well?” I joke. In the process of tying Shouta, he gives me two smaller ropes and winks. “From the best around, who else?” 

“Would you two quit it?” 

I soothingly rub his sides, feeling the difference of the silk and his skin. The rope being just tight enough to not do any harm, but can still hold him still. “C’mon babe, let me enjoy this a little. Please? It’s not often I’m not the one bound.” I reply to him. His only reply was a grunt of annoyed disapproval, making Hizashi chuckle. 

He wraps the silk around the back of Shouta’s neck, finalizing it by tying it somewhere in the front. I guess now it’s my turn. I wrap the slightly longer one around Shouta’s wrists. Arousal and excitement quickly pooling in the bottom of my stomach for what is to come.  I reach over him to show the blindfold. My chest was pushed against his back to have it farther from his face for the go-ahead to do so. 

It also gave me the view of Shouta’s legs being kept wider apart by the rope being tied at the ends of the bed and his quickly growing erection. “What are ya waitin’ for, Songbird?” 

“... You can put it on,” Shouta says, ignoring Hizashi temporarily. “At least someone makes sure it’s okay first.” He finishes slightly condescendingly. I tie it around his eyes, trying my best to make sure it wouldn’t come loose, but it’s not tight enough to cause problems. Hizashi rolls his eyes. “Whatever ya say, Sho. It’s easy to tell you’re enjoying it.” Shouta replies with silence. 

He chuckles again and kisses Shouta while starting to play with Shouta’s chest  and runs his hands down his stomach, slowly and teasingly going lower. I decided to start by having his tied hands pinned between his body and mine, them being dangerously close to my underwear.  I kiss the side of his neck while gently running my hands over his scars. All of them make him look even better. 

Shouta’s breathing suddenly becomes shaky as he lurches forward with a grunt. That brought a smirk to my face as I kissed the giant scar on his elbow. “Geez Zashi, already? Give the poor man a bit more time first!” Hizashi laughs again. “No can do, Songbird! Not with such a lovely view in front of me!~” 

Shouta grunts again. “Is tha- that all you two got?” I sat farther up on my legs to look more over Shouta’s shoulder and used him to hold some of my weight leaned on him. Looking down, it was easy to tell Hizashi was taking more and more of Shouta’s dick down his throat. He reaches up and starts to toy with Shouta’s nipples with both his hands. I nibble his ear. “For now, yeah. But it’s going to get a lot better later. You won’t know what’s up or down.”

My body was close enough to feel his body shiver with pleasure. “Is that a- ngh- a promise or a threat?” I teasingly nip his neck. “Whichever you want it to be.” I continue to watch Hizashi start to bob his head while starting to suck on Shouta’s neck. 

His breathing was rapidly becoming more shaky as he undeniably was getting closer to an orgasm with the minutes ticking by. Watching the rhythmic motion of Hizashi’s mouth on Shouta’s cock set a deeper fire in my stomach of wanting to feel his dick in me myself. 

Hizashi moved one of his hands to wrap around the rest of Shouta’s dick. I took that as an invitation to continue playing with one of his nipples myself. I stuck my middle finger a bit down my throat and brought it in front to start rubbing on it. “You two are- definitely persistent.” He hissed. 

I laugh and rub a little harder. “Do you even know the two of us by now, Sho? You can’t be forgetting about little old us now!” 

"I seem to for- forget."

"That's a dangerous thing to do~" 

He finally comes undone with a final pinch to his nipple and Hizashi most likely aided with fondling his balls. He jolts back, almost making me fall backwards from the shifted weight. 

Hizashi sits up and wipes the trail of drool off his face, locking eyes with me with a smirk. It's like we could read each other's minds as we nodded to each other and moved off the bed. In the small amount of time he was standing, it was easy to tell his dick was strained against his boxers. That didn't last long though as he quickly stripped them off and sat behind Shouta. 

I quickly peel mine off as well and toss them to the floor. Hizashi definitely isn't wrong with the view though. The deep flush on his face just making me want to tease him more. I know how bad of an idea that would be though. He'd get me back tenfold next time. 

Hizashi opens the bottle of lube and squirts a rather generous amount on his hand. "C'mon Songbird, get another outta Sho. This'll take a bit!" 

"Zashi, what do you thi- ink you're doing? I'm coming for you next time." 

"Oh, I'm SO scared! Just kiddin', can't wait for it. For now, I'm enjoyin' the hell outta this!" Shouta lurches forward again. It doesn't take a genius to know why. 

To avoid Shouta's no doubt unrelenting punishment for next time, I focus more on deeply kissing him. He tilts his head and is all for it. His scruffy facial hair borders between tickling and being a comfort for how close he is. His hips keep shaking, trying to move away, so Hizashi wraps an arm around to at least keep them slightly more still.

"Damn Sho, ya must be more into this than I thought! I've barely done anything and two are slippin' in easily! 

He only replies with a muffled growl from still making out with me. It didn't go unnoticed though. Hizashi doesn't say anything about it and moves Shouta's hair to suck on the unmarked side of his neck.  

I stopped kissing Shouta to notice he was getting hard again. He was breathing heavily and it was easy to tell sweat was starting to form. "Hey, Zashi, how's it going now?" 

"Workin' on the third! Should I come up there and work ya open too when I'm done?" 

"No, I'll be fine. Just pass the lube, will ya?" He does and goes back to what he was doing. I open it and put it on my hands. Closing it, I slowly trail it across his dick. His hips start to jerk again, undecided which way to go, towards my hands or Hizashi's. I recoil a bit at the still slightly slimy feeling of Hizashi's saliva, but I get over it with the help of the lube. 

"Damn it you t-two, get on with it." 

"Oooh, is dear Sho being the impatient one for once!?" 

"Don't… push it." 

"Alright babe, just this time!" He grabs the bottle of lube again and squirts more in his hands. While he gets ready for that, I decided to get ready myself. I straddle his and slowly start to sink myself on his dick. The stretch hurts a bit from not fully preparing myself first. It's not nearly as painful as it's been before though, and it didn't take long for the pain to become pure pleasure. It didn’t take long for Hizashi to join either. Shouta shows he’s slightly uncomfortable, but refuses to say it out loud. 

We wait an extra minute just to settle things out. Hizashi then tests a thrust out, pushing Shouta deeper into me. Him and I both slip out a moan. “Damn, got ya both singin’!” He jokes, and slightly picks up the pace. He grabs my calves and lifts them in a way Shouta’s dick hits harder with every thrust by pulling me onto him. He may not be nearly as strong as Shouta, but he’s definitely not something to sneeze at. Right now would be proof of that. 

Every thrust brought the sparks of pleasure tingling through my body. But what was better was the extra lack of composure I’ve never seen on the man in front of me. I can’t tell what his eyes look like, but his mouth isn’t in a straight line like usual. Hizashi’s thrusts grew harder.  

For better support, I wrap my arms around the back of Shouta’s neck. He has no problem leaning up a bit for the three of us to be even closer together. His legs kept trying to jolt up, but the binds stopped him. 

“Damn Zashi, you’re re-really not holding back!” I manage to say through my quickly increasing heavy breathing. They weren’t doing too much better. Every hit into my body brought that deep tightening feeling to get even more tight. “When do I not, So-Songbird?” He jokes questioningly. There’s no denying that.  

I test things by making my body squeeze Shouta’s dick more tightly. That really seems to help do the trick as he tends to get much closer to reaching his end. It ended up with me cumming first. Like a chain reaction, Shouta ended up next. I felt the heat of his cum shooting into me. “Damn S-Sho! You’re really clenchin’ down on me!” 

It only took a few more thrusts for him to cum as well. The three of us sat there for a minute trying to catch our breaths. I take off the blindfold to see his eyes with a caring intensity I’ve never seen. I get off of Shouta and untie the ropes from the bed. Hizashi does the same with untying his arms. Shouta wasted no time in grabbing me and hugging me tightly against his chest. He barely lets go for me to turn around to face him. “Clean up later. Cuddle now.” Hizashi hugs Shouta from behind. “Well, didn’t know THE Shouta was able to be a cuddle monster!” 

Shouta replies by pinching Hizashi’s thigh. “Ouch! Okay, no ruining the moment. I get it!”  

------------------------------------------------------------------

So… I tried. It seems too fast paced or missing something. Welp, it is my first time writing something like this, so it’s bound to be bad. 

[krreader]

sweet and sour.

pairing: jeon jeongguk x kim namjoon x reader fandom: bts warnings: threesome (mmf) ; oral sex ; anal sex ; dirty talk ; biting ; daddy!kink ; dom!jeongguk ; dom/sub!namjoon ; sub!reader genre: smut word count: 2.3k+

summary: namjoon was happy for you and jeongguk, but two people making out in front of you was never pleasant.. at least not when you weren’t somehow involved as well.

a/n: I decided for namkook on this one, I hope you like it bb!

Please do not misunderstand, Namjoon was genuinely happy for you and Jeongguk.

There was a time where it seemed like your relationship was about to fall apart due to the pressure that BigHit was putting on him for dating someone, especially someone that wasn't part of the industry, but Jeongguk and you had successfully worked through it and were now happier than ever.

What bothered Namjoon was that now that BigHit had finally accepted the two of you being together, it seemed like you two were literally inseparable.

There wasn't a day that he didn't see you running around the apartment, where he didn't see you at the BigHit building, where he didn't see you with Jeongguk.

And it was as if the maknae could not do anything anymore except if you were with him.

“Jeongguk, want to grab lunch?”

“Wait, let me ask (Y/N) if she wants to come too!”

It was always like this.

And then there was the fact that you literally did not care who was around them when they did.. stuff. When you were all at the dorm, watching a movie together, the two of you literally just.. made out in front of all the other guys and everyone slowly but surely got tired of what you were doing.

Yes, you were in love, good for you, but you didn't have to shove it into the other ones faces, especially because, at the moment, nobody but Jeongguk had a partner.

Namjoon had gotten several complaints from BigHit staff members as well as his members and he had promised to talk to you and Jeongguk about it to try and find a solution, but at the same time he wasn't sure on how to approach this matter without hurting either of you, so he just pushed it away for as long as he could..

..until Bang got involved.

“Look, I understand the kid, she's his first love and all that, but it's annoying me. They're annoying me.”

“You're not the only one, Sir. I've been meaning to talk to them about that.”

“Do it now, Namjoon. Or else I will have a word with them and I promise I won't be as nice as you.”

No, probably not.

Especially because Namjoon was scared that Bang might end up forcing Jeongguk to break up with you if he didn't take off those rose-colored glasses soon.

“Alright, so..-” Namjoon sat down more comfortably, looking at both you and Jeongguk sitting in front of him, “I, as well as everyone else, is very happy for you two. That it all worked out like it did. But we have all noticed that with your relationship.. there's a lot of changes.. especially in you, Jeongguk. And many don't like it. You are very distracted, often don't have time for the members or other important BigHit things and, something that makes me very embarrassed to even say, the members are tired of hearing you two have sex. We are all tired here and we would like to sleep without your moans, especially Taehyung as his room is right next to yours. So I'm saying all of this because I want you to be aware of it and I want you to be more considerate towards other people from now on. Otherwise, Bang might interfere and nobody wants that.”

He felt like a father giving a speech to his children.. but that was definitely not the case.

Jeongguk was the first to speak, asking: “You're jealous, aren't you?”

Aaaaand he completely missed the point.

“No. No, nobody is jealous of you. We are all very happy for you, we would just like you to stop being all over each other in front of us, it makes us uncomfortable. And those dirty sex looks that you give each other all the..- yeah! That one!” Namjoon pointed at your smirking face. Only that it wasn't directed at Jeongguk. 

And that made him furrow his eyebrows.

“I understand, Namjoon. Really, I do. Jeongguk and I have talked about it a lot and we just.. we're on the same page here, you know? He wants to treat his hyung and I.. well I think you're.. very sexy.”

Talk about warning signs, this was definitely a trap.

This was Jeongguk testing out whether or not Namjoon was loyal to him or some bullshit, one hundred percent, there was no other solution.

“You don't have to be jealous, hyung.. If you're with her.. you will know why I can't keep my hands off her for even just a second.”

“Ha Ha, very funny, we're all fucking Namjoon over today, what a great game. I'm trying to be serious here, Jeongguk.”

“But I am too!” he said a little louder, but then quickly calmed down, “Hyung, you work harder than any of us, you deserve a treat and I know you haven't been with anyone in ages. (Y/N) and I have talked about it and we both agreed that.. if you wanted..-”

“Then what? I can have sex with the two of you? Jeongguk, are you on drugs? Did you get him drugs?” he now looked at you.

“No,” you stood up, sitting down on the couch next to Namjoon, “I'm just.. very good.”

Yeah, see, Namjoon did not expect this conversation to turn into your hand on his thigh, dangerously close to his crotch and he did not expect his breathing to hitch in his throat and kind of hope that your hand would reach his dick.

Because, unfortunately, nobody but him had held his dick in a very long time and he would be lying if he said he hadn't imagined you to fuck him at least once.

That was kind of inevitable when he heard you and Jeongguk fuck every now and then.. of course he'd get images..

“Let us do this for you, hyung..”

“This.. isn't the point.. of this conversation,” Namjoon still tried to be strong, but when your hand finally was where he needed it to be and you started to massage him through his pants, he just let out a low, “Fuck.”

“Jeongguk and I promise to be more considerate from now on,” you whispered in his ear, “Is that what you want to hear, daddy?”

Oh. My. Fucking. God.

Namjoon was done, this was so weird, yet at the same time something that turned him on so massively, how Jeongguk watched his girlfriend massage the dick of his hyung with a smile like he was genuinely happy to see him enjoy himself. And he liked being watched and he liked having you here and he liked being called daddy by you and..-

What the fuck was he doing?

“Yes,” he moaned out.

You wanted to kiss him, but Jeongguk stopped you.

“Not here, guys. Nobody should see this, I don’t want the others to think that everyone gets a turn. Let's go to my room.”

And again, Namjoon should decline, should leave, but in his mind, there was nothing but your body beneath him. That's all he could think about right now.

And so he followed, pushing you onto the bed as soon as the door was closed.

“I warned you baby girl,” Jeongguk chuckled, “Hyung is very rough.”

“That's okay,” you giggled, wrapping your legs around him and then holding out your hand until Jeongguk took it, “Take off your pants, baby. I want to taste you.”

Namjoon should have asked if there were any boundaries here, because he was sure that there were some things in this.. whatever this was, that he shouldn't do, out of respect for Jeongguk.

But it was as if the maknae could read his mind, “Just wear a condom. Don't worry about anything else, hyung.”

That he could and would definitely do.

Namjoon licked his lips, pretty much ripped open your blouse and admired your body for a moment, while you were already taking Jeongguk's dick into your mouth, fully taking him in in one go.

This entire thing was so wrong and dirty, but all three of you loved it.

You loved it, feeling Jeongguk's tip hit the back of your throat, him being gentle at first and letting you take your time, while eventually cupping your cheeks and fucking your mouth. You loved Namjoon taking off your pants and panties, appreciated that he checked whether or not you were wet enough and then fished a condom out of Jeongguk's night stand – you did not ask how he knew where the were, because in that moment you were glad about it – before slipping his hard dick inside of you inch by inch.

Jeongguk's dick was longer, but Namjoon's was way thicker. He stretched you out so much that you couldn't help but scream out a moan, making Jeongguk chuckle.

“You understand now, hyung? She just loves sex too much to stay quiet.”

“She's so tight,” Namjoon lingered inside of you for a few seconds, before carefully pulling himself out again and pushing inside you once more until he was fully buried there, “And so fucking wet.”

“You like this, princess.. don't you?” Jeongguk gently brushed the hair out of your face and then knelt down in front of the bed to gently kiss you, “Take care of my hyung for me.. let him fuck you like he wants to.. is that okay?”

“Yes,” you whined, “Please.. just.. fuck me, Namjoon.”

Jeongguk grinned at Namjoon, “That's your cue.”

Oh and he did not wait for anything other than that. Namjoon didn't even start slow, he immediately fucked you like there was no tomorrow, his dry period fully biting him in the ass now.

He needed this so badly and you were so perfect, completely giving yourself to him and letting him use you basically to get off.

You were enjoying it so much, were a moaning mess and were begging him to go harder on you and Namjoon was just so lost in this perfect little world that he had built inside his head that this wasn't somehow weird.

That it wasn't weird that Jeongguk sat down in his chair and started pumping his dick up and down while he watched his girlfriend getting fucked by the leader of his band and how he – clearly – enjoyed it from the grin that was sitting on his face.

That it wasn't weird how he said encouraging words both to him, as well as you, how good you both looked and that it wasn't weird that this turned Namjoon on ten times more.

Wanting a slight change of position, but not wanting to have to leave you, Namjoon now fully laid down on top of you and kissed you for the first time during this whole thing and even that you were a master of.

Namjoon wasn't jealous before, but he would be after this, that was for sure.

Knowing that Jeongguk could have this every now, could feel this every night.. he would be jealous of the man forever now.

No wonder Jeongguk fought so hard for you.

“Tell me what you like, baby,” he whispered into your ear after you parted to breathe for a moment.

“My.. my..-” but you couldn't say a word, every time you tried to, you moaned.

“Her neck is sensitive. Biting, choking, licking.. she'll scream if you do any of these things,” Jeongguk's head fell back, but his eyes still on the two of you, his lips parting at what he saw in front of him and his cheeks flushed already.

Namjoon took it to heart, licked a spot beneath your ear, before gently burying his teeth into the flesh there and then kissing it again when your moans turned louder.

He did that a couple of times, but always made sure that it would not leave any marks.. out of courtesy to the maknae.

“Jeongguk,” you whined, your hand reaching back out again.

“I'm right here, princess.”

“I.. I want you both.”

And if the two men were hard before, they were even harder now.

The thought alone of fucking you both at the same time. It made Jeongguk get up immediately.

“Get on your back, hyung. I'll fuck her from behind.”

Wasn't.. Namjoon usually the dom? Why did he do what Jeongguk said? And why without hesitation?

You giggled, probably thinking the same thing as you straddled Namjoon and leaned down to his ear, “I like it too when he takes over.. don't worry, it’s not weird at all. He has this.. thing about him.”

Namjoon worried about absolutely nothing when you slid onto his dick again, it feeling so different from before now that you were on top of him.

You didn't move for a while, waited until Jeongguk got your ass ready enough to take him, but once you were.. god, the feeling was not something you'd ever forget.

“How does it feel?” Jeongguk asked as he was gentle at first.

“So.. full.”

Namjoon arched his back a little, his eyes shut as you continued to sensually ride him.

It was a little bit hard because Jeongguk was afraid that if he went too fast the rhythm would get messed up and then Namjoon's dick would slip out of you, so it was all very slow, not that that meant bad.

If anything, you enjoyed it more, because your clit was having the time of its life.

Jeongguk grabbed a fistful of your hair and pulled your head back, “You're getting close, aren't you?”

“Yes,” you whined.

“Can you feel it, hyung? Her walls are so tight, aren't they?”

“Fuck, I'm going to cum.”

So you and Namjoon both came at the same time and even though Jeongguk didn't, didn't mean that he didn't fully enjoy this.

This was, by far, the best him and you had ever done.. sexually.

“Hyung.. did you talk to Jeongguk yesterday?” Taehyung managed to catch up with Namjoon, “He was so loud again last night, (Y/N) was even louder than before. I don't know what they did, but she literally screamed, it was horrible.”

“Uh, yeah.. I talked to them,” Namjoon tried his hardest to hide the blush creeping on his face, “They said they'll be more considerate towards us all.”

“Awesome, thanks hyung!”

Yes, Namjoon.

Thank you so much.

[turnaboutafterdark]

- RULES FOR THE COURTROOM AFTER DARK -

- PLEASE READ - 

This is a sideblog to @turnaboutimagines!  This is purely where I post my NSFW pieces that I write  They will not be as frequent as my SFW content as all of my requests are pooled together.  I write them like I do any other genre. I may sometimes open up requests JUST for this blog to try and keep it more active.  But we’ll cross that bridge when we get to it!

As a note, any NSFW requests sent to @turnaboutimagines will have the text copy/pasted into a new post over here instead of being answered directly.  If you were off anon, you will be tagged in the post so you’ll still get a notification.

These are p much carried over from my main blog.  Please check out the NSFW specific section for more details, thank you!

Rules for your testimony at the witness stand:

Please no requests for characters in the DGS or Professor Layton games since I have yet to play those.  But I’m happy to write for anyone* else! 

*Except for characters who are minors!  

Please go request some cute platonic or similarly aged romantic stuff over on my main SFW blog for them.

I’ll write drabbles/scenarios and headcanons!  I’ll write as much as I feel works for a request, so it’s random.

List out the character(s) or the character group (i.e., prosecutors, ladies, defense attorneys, etc.) you want and give me a scenario or headcanons prompt (i.e., first time together HCs for Gumshoe, Reader eating Franziska out, etc.).

As for what you can or can’t request to be added to the court record:

This is strictly Canon x Reader.  Poly requests and threesome requests are welcome, too.  Just... gotta have a Reader somewhere in the mix, y’know?  

If you want a specific dynamic for poly, please specify (i.e., if you want a ‘vee’ or ‘triad’).  My default is triad otherwise.

I’ll try to keep things as gender-neutral as possible unless I’m writing more detailed pieces, like a one-shot.

However, I’m down to write for any gender/sex combo for Readers and canon characters.  Will always keep it gender-neutral if it isn’t specified.

Things I personally will NOT write for: Student/Teacher or Mentor/Mentee, DDLG, Omegaverse, pet play, and Non-con/Dub-con.

I will add things as I encounter them.  It’s simply a matter of what I’m comfortable with, I’m not here to judge what people are into reading, so please don’t take it personally if I turn a request down!

The Golden Rules:

I make no guarantees that I’ll do your request!  Sometimes things just don’t speak to me or really stump me (writer’s block is Real) or it’s something that I’m personally uncomfy with.  I’ll write for as many as I can, but at the end of the day this is something I do for fun and for free.  I’m sorry if I don’t get to yours for any reason!!!

My life’s busy as I am in university, so please be patient with me, too!  I try my best to make content since I love writing, but writing imagines is just a fun hobby and isn’t a priority.  I have a lot of other things I do on the side, too.

I’m making it a rule to not discuss romantic canon x canon ships on this blog.  We’re purely ship neutral here (so long as the ship does not contain illegal elements, because I will personally not write for those).  Any messages pertaining to ships, either in support or against, will be deleted regardless of my own personal feelings.  Thank you for your understanding!  ^^

Just understand that the more characters you ask for (i.e., Defense Attorneys vs. just Phoenix), the longer it’ll take me to do and/or the less detailed I’m probably going to be unless I have a lot of inspo for it.

I don’t have a number limit for characters yet, but I’ll put one in place if needed!

[dykecadence]

A Dissertation to Prove that Alice Quinn from The Magicians is a Lesbian Experiencing Comp-Het

some of my twitter friends requested i post this on here so @alicequinnlove i hope this is good! (keep in mind this was written before the second half of season 4 so some things are out of date)

1. Her attraction to Quentin as compulsive heterosexuality

Alice only expresses attraction to Q once he has expressed attraction to her

Jumping into a relationship with the first guy to show interest in her despite knowing they don’t necessarily work (and that she is better than him)

Never feels sexual fulfillment in their relationship (until that one ep) but not saying anything about it

Rebounding quickly with another guy after Q cheats as if she is trying to prove something to herself/him

Every time she talks about sexual encounters before Q she says they were all uncomfortable and very impersonal

Look, as someone who struggled with comp-het for a LONG time and has dated guys because of it… Q is exactly the type of soft, nerd boy that is perfect for closeted lesbians to try and date as a means of making themselves seem straight. He’s non-threatening and when you don’t want to confront your sexuality it can be easy to trick yourself into getting crushes or turning friendships into something more.

Not entirely supporting my point because I do think opposite sex friendships are very important but; the fact that Alice was far more upset about her trust being broken and losing one of her best friends than the relationship ending

2. Her inherent unease around other women

Alice is uncomfortable around other women but not because she feels threatened by them. In fact, we don’t really know why she’s so uncomfortable with them at first.

Alice has no close female friends thus the way she views her interactions with women is skewed through Hetero Goggles

She would have no frame of reference for determining if there is a difference in her feelings toward women/patricular women

With Margo in particular, Alice is uneasy which I would chalk up to:

Margo compliments Alice/her body often

Margo being so comfortable with herself

Margo blatantly flirting with her at times

They have tension

I mean…… Margo/Alice Rights!

3. Magic often functions as an allegory for The Gay

Alice has always felt out of place

She fears her own “magic”

Her family didn’t teach her any magic she had to find it on her own

Magical found family narratives are for the gays only

Unaware of her own potential, still hasn’t unlocked it

She holds herself back in her magic, just as she does in every other aspect of life

4. Sex in this show is barely ever just sex

Basically everyone in this show uses sex as a coping mechanism

Especially Alice

Alice sleeps with Q because she’s stressed and worked up in Brakebills South

People had also been telling them to sleep together or speculating the would for months

She may have felt like it was what she was supposed to do

Her immediate distrust of the truth of her feelings once they get back is not something you would expect from someone who is getting what they want

She often says, “I love you” to Q but never says that she is “in love” with him. An important distinction as this show displays many different forms of love.

Alice sleeps with Penny when Q cheats. Why does she do this? To get back at him presumably but I don’t think she’s that petty. I think it was insecurity. Her trying to prove herself to herself.

Alice kisses Q/has sex with Q post-break up only in emotionally intense scenarios where she is overwhelmed by grief, power, or both.

Kissing him at the tree

Having sex with him when she gets back from being a Niffin

Carriage ride to the fight with the Beast

5. Alice has never really had friends

Her experience with comp-het and her inexperience with friendship would very likely lead her to misattribute close feelings of friendship with attraction.

I have personal experience with this so I feel this assumption is justified

Since she knows so few people and Q is the only one she has a close/friendly relationship with she clearly feels the strongest connection to him

She instinctively distrusts everyone and doesn’t let people in easily so it would be hard to know her true feelings

If we could see her in a close female friendship in this show I think she would bond quickly and strongly (as she did with Sheila)

It’s not that she doesn’t want friends, it’s that she has a hard time letting her walls down which ~gay~

It would be invaluable to see her have a close female friendship as we could compare that to her season 1 interactions with Quentin and decipher her behavior

Her few friendly interactions with Margo had a lot of tension before she and Q got together

6. Alice has not expressed attraction to anyone since her last encounter with Q in (I think) late season 2.

This encounter was an instance of sex not just being sex. It was her being overwhelmed after coming back from being a Niffin and seeking comfort/distraction in something familiar i.e. Quentin

Since then she has:

Not expressed in interest in getting back with Q

Not had sex with anyone

Not mentioned an attraction to anyone

Made no insinuation of lingering romantic feelings for anyone she has previously been involved with (with the exception of Timeline23!Alice but as she is not Our Alice she is not relevant)

Her attraction to and intimate interactions with Q have been nothing more than physical since season 1

They have slept together again multiple times but it was always because of some bigger emotional turmoil and not love

She said she didn’t want to get back together with him after the threesome and I think (in terms of a real relationship) she means that

But she used sex as a coping mechanism since Q was familiar/her closest friend and it made her feel like herself

I don’t think either of them have had genuine romantic feelings for each other for a while but U believe Alice’s went away faster (because she never really had them due to comp-het)

7. Gay Coding

A lot of aspects of this show are unambiguously queer-coded

There is no such thing as gay panic in this show so there is no need to be weirded out over gay stuff and if you are you are portrayed as the weird one (ex. Hymen)

Alice’s cold intelligence and manner is pretty lesbian coded

Her style is high femme and I will not be told otherwise

8. This doesn’t fit into a particular spot but… 

When Q mentions the dream that Penny walked in to involving her and Julia kissing, her problem was not with herself kissing another girl or even that it was a kinda gross fantasy for Q but rather that Q was thinking about his former crush alongside her.

She doesn’t dwell on the gay of it all just the fact that Q is subconsciously thinking of his old crush

9. I would argue that Alice’s inability to find sexual pleasure with Q (until that one ep) is a ~problem~ on both of their parts.

Partially due to Quentin having no clue what to do

But I think mostly due to the fact that she doesn’t really feel sexually attracted to him

The one time it is “fulfilling” to them it is because they are trying to get Penny back

Alice is determined to get shit done so I’m sure she is capable of…. Fulfilling her part in getting Penny back even if she didn’t really feel as much as she should

As I’ve said, they never really have sex just because, there’s always an external factor (as far as we the viewer are aware)

10. She had more chemistry with Penny than with Q despite “loving” him

11. Her previous experiences

She was standing up and at a party for all of them according to her

These interactions are:

Impersonal

Likely the result of alcohol

Clearly not fond memories

12. Niffin!Alice and Dark!Willow are Very Similar in quite a few ways, enough said

13. Her feelings for Quentin feel like the “I’ve decided to have a crush now”

As I said, she only expresses interest in him once he has expressed interest in her

Crush comes out of nowhere

She seemed very professional with Q at first

She skips friendship and goes straight for crush

But the crush was really friendship

Her romantic feelings for him are contingent on how emotional she is

14. Alice awkwardly avoiding talking about the Incubus’ penis

She doesn’t wanna say penis lmao

15. New Addition: “But she and Q got back together!”

I felt the need to address this additional point and why it doesn’t effect my theory.

Once Alice left The Library she was a prop for the rest of the season.

Logically they have no reason to get back together as they’ve both been growing far more on their own than they did together.

I think her going back to him only serves to prove she is only with him because she desperately wants to feel loved even if she doesn’t quite understand her own feelings

Alice is reaching out to reconnect with Q in an attempt to gain some of her old self back

She knows she cares for him and that he cares for her and she automatically assumes that romance is the logical answer for those feelings

It’s comp-het babey

Them getting back together was a cheap ploy to add more emotional weight to Q’s death

If anything I feel it supports this theory

In conclusion, Alice Quinn is a lesbian. Send tweet

[hpdailydeviant]

It's time to decide whose naughty birthday wishes you'd like to make come true! Below you'll find a numbered list of all the wishes submitted by our members. As is par for the course around here, there's a huge variety: het, femslash, and slash from every generation, romantic themes to dark ones, and, of course, loads of different kinks. They range from a little bit naughty to thoroughly filthy. Something for everyone! In order to make a claim, simply reply to this post and tell us the number of the wish you'd like to fulfill. Comments are screened to preserve anonymity. Each wish can be claimed only once, and as they're taken they'll be struck off the list. We'll be monitoring the post closely and crossing out wishes as they're claimed. If the prompt you pick has already been taken, we'll let you know right away; otherwise you can assume you got the wish you wanted. Members you have a 24 hour "head start" to make your claims before watchers join in. Watchers: a post will go up at 12:00 pm (U.S. Eastern time) tomorrow (January 10th) to let you know you may begin claiming wishes. Also note: If all of the wishes appear to be disappearing before the member period is over, don't panic! We have ways to make plenty of options available if and when the need arises. Note about dealbreakers: You might see a lot of "SPEW" scattered amongst the dealbreakers. That's our acronym for "the usual" hard kinks: Scat, necroPhilia, Emetophilia, and Watersports. This is not intended as a value judgment regarding "good" or "bad" kinks (although it is meant to be at least a tiny bit funny...); it's just an attempt to save space on the (already quite long!) list of wishes. Completed pieces are due by Monday, March 28 and should be emailed to dd.mods@gmail.com. Fic must be a minimum of 1,000 words and art must be a completed piece. Both fic and art must merit at least an R rating. No crossovers permitted. Watchers: your pieces must fit into a single IJ post. The mods reserve the right to refuse any fic that contains significant SPAG problems or art that appears to be a last-minute slap-dash sketch, so be sure to plan ahead and find a reliable beta. Headers for both fic and art will become available a little closer to April. We're super excited about our Banging Birthday, and we're looking forward to seeing loads of fantastic, kinky work to celebrate ten years of smut! The Banging Birthday Wish List 1. This Banging Birthday I Wish For… Character(s)/Pairing(s): Severus/Draco or Remus/Regulus Kinks/Themes: UST, Longing, Lost love Tone: Melancholy to hopeful Dealbreakers: Unhappy ending, dead characters, usual nos Prompt: Though one or both are long thought dead by the other, a chance meeting gives them a second chance at something beautiful together. 2. This Banging Birthday I Wish For… Character(s)/Pairing(s): Harry/Pansy or Harry/Hermione Kinks/Themes: Edging for long period before final orgasm, cunnilingus, semi-public sex Tone: Romantic, sexy, some humour (always up for a good banter) Dealbreakers: Dub/Non-Con, non-sexual body fluids/solids, dirty talk (sexy banter, yes... gratuitous dirty talk, not so much) Prompt: Surprise party (for anyone, doesn't have to be the main pairing) at the Three Broomsticks and someone has an itch they can't scratch 3. This Banging Birthday I Wish For… Character(s)/Pairing(s): Albus Severus Potter/James Sirius Potter Kinks/Themes: Fuck or Die Tone: Sexy, angsty... feel free to take this one wherever the muse blows! Dealbreakers: mpreg, death, either character younger than 17 Prompt: He's wanted him forever, but not like this... 4. This Banging Birthday I Wish For… Character(s)/Pairing(s): Some Combo of Tonks, Ginny, Luna, Fleur, Pansy or Millicent Kinks/Themes: first times, fingering, oral sex, femmeslash, bdsm, corsets, toys Tone: light, fun, romantic Dealbreakers: Het, mentions of any previous male partners (including "Character X doesn't love me, so I guess I'll be with you now"), infidelity Prompt: Character A has had her eye on Character B for a while. Finally her feelings are requited. 5. This Banging Birthday I Wish For… Character(s)/Pairing(s): Harry/Severus, Harry/Remus, Harry/Sirius Kinks/Themes: Fingering / First Time Tone: Filthy and Feelsy. Dealbreakers: Any reference to marriage, kids or pregnancy. Would prefer Harry to be 18+ Prompt: Harry never really understood why anyone would want fingers up their arse, but he think he's been starting to get it. 6. This Banging Birthday I Wish For… Character(s)/Pairing(s): Harry/ any of Rabastan Lestrange, Antonin Dolohov, or Thorfinn Rowle Kinks/Themes: Dub-con, spanking, bondage, orgasm delay, desperate!Harry who shouldn't want it, but really does. Feel free to include a threesome if the mood strikes you! Tone: Dark and sexy Dealbreakers: Rape, death Prompt: Voldemort won the war. He isn't averse to sharing his prize. 7. This Banging Birthday I Wish For… Character(s)/Pairing(s): Harry/Draco Kinks/Themes: Praise kink. Tone: Dark. Sultry. Royal. Dealbreakers: Orgasm Denial. Daddy!kink. HET. Cheating on Ginny. Prompt: Harry is often unsure of himself as an adult. He lives the life he's expected to and is a sought after bachelor but there's just something about him and he loves paying for it. (Financial or otherwise - up to the creator.) 8. This Banging Birthday I Wish For… Character(s)/Pairing(s): Ginny/Pansy or James Sirius/Scorpius or Lucius/Narcissa. Kinks/Themes: (Semi-)Public Sex Tone: fun/romantic/dirty Dealbreakers: non-con Prompt: It's one way to make the [event] interesting. 9. This Banging Birthday I Wish For… Character(s)/Pairing(s): Ron/Draco Kinks/Themes: Polyjuicing, "Anonymous" sex Tone: Post-war melancholy, but hopefully avoiding full-on angst Dealbreakers: The usual squicks Prompt: In the Muggle world, with a different skin, they can be whoever they want to be. (Or, Ron and Draco initially hooked up at a Muggle club under the guise of polyjuice/glamour/etc., when both were running from various post-war-ness, and just...haven't seen a reason to stop doing so. Whether or not either of them realizes who each other really is is up to you.) 10. This Banging Birthday I Wish For… Character(s)/Pairing(s): Minerva McGonagall/Albus Dumbledore Kinks/Themes: UST -> RST. (almost) student/teacher Tone: Hot... soul-searching... hot Dealbreakers: Bodily fluids not usually associated with sex Prompt: Hogwarts, 1940s. Minerva McGonagall is in her final year and is Head Girl. Professor Albus Dumbledore is the Head of Gryffindor House. The attraction between them is becoming almost unbearable, but they are determined to wait until Minerva graduates. Can they? Will they? ...What then? 11. This Banging Birthday I Wish For… anonymous/stranger hookups Character(s)/Pairing(s): Teddy Lupin/James Sirius Potter (or Teddy/Harry) Kinks/Themes: Teddy using metamorphmagus abilities to look like someone else, established relationship, consensual/negotiated kink, roleplaying sorta? Tone: sexy, fun, letting off steam from their high stress jobs Dealbreakers: rape, MCD, scat Prompt: James likes to be picked up by anonymous men in bars. Teddy likes to be those men ― and lucky for both of them, he can change how he looks each time. 12. This Banging Birthday I Wish For… Character(s)/Pairing(s): Harry/Draco/Bill Kinks/Themes: knotting/bondage, A/B/O dynamics Tone: dirty, dirty, messy, filthy, loud Dealbreakers: poc Harry, top Harry for this prompt, character bashing. Prompt: Both Bill and Draco are desperate to breed and knot Omega Harry. Harry is only too eager to please. :) (established H/D please) 13. This Banging Birthday I Wish For… Character(s)/Pairing(s): Fleur/Tonks Kinks/Themes: Oral sex, fingering Tone: Sexy, flirty, romantic Dealbreakers: Non-con, dub-con Prompt: Tonks has always loved that her birthday is in the spring. 14. This Banging Birthday I Wish For… Character(s)/Pairing(s): Sirius/Severus, Remus/Severus, Sirius/Remus (any era is good -- Marauders era, post-war they lived!AU, afterlife, whatever) Kinks/Themes: dirty talk/vocal partner (I'm looking for lots of "need to feel you", "that's so good", random cursing, semi-coherent babbling sort of stuff from a character who can't seem to put a sock in it.) Bonus if it's the first time for the pairing. Tone: Hot. Humor is good. But yes, mostly just hot. Dealbreakers: non-con, excessive schmoop, ABO dynamics Prompt: Character A really shouldn't have been surprised that Character B was so vocal during sex. He never shut up any other time, so why would this be any different? Or conversely: Character A was normally so reserved/careful with his words that his behavior during sex caught Character B completely off guard. (Really, go anywhere you like with this...) 15. This Banging Birthday I Wish For… Character(s)/Pairing(s): Neville + Anyone Kinks/Themes: BDSM Tone: Dom Neville just getting what he wants, hot dirty talk would be great Dealbreakers: non-con, bodliy fluids (except come ofc) Prompt: Neville knows how to wield a sword and a whip 16. This Banging Birthday I Wish For… Character(s)/Pairing(s): Teddy/Louis Kinks/Themes: age difference, virgin/inexperienced partner, first times, teasing, dirty talk, top!Teddy/bottom!Loius or switching Tone: sexy, romantic, filthy, loving, sweet, humorous, guilty, dirty/hot/wrong, ANY-except nothing too dark Dealbreakers: infidelity, extreme mindfuck, unhappy ending Prompt: After Teddy and Victoire split, Louis makes his move. 17. This Banging Birthday I Wish For… Character(s)/Pairing(s): Harry/Draco or James Sirius/Teddy Kinks/Themes: Workplace Sex Tone: Dirty, sexy Dealbreakers: Hardcore BDSM Prompt: One member of the pairing surprises the other at work 18. This Banging Birthday I Wish For… A surprisingly good time Character(s)/Pairing(s): Severus Snape/Petunia Evans Kinks/Themes: virgins Tone: any Dealbreakers: bdsm Prompt: Petunia can't help but be attracted to magic, and Severus can't help but be attracted by opportunity... 19. This Banging Birthday I Wish For… Character(s)/Pairing(s): Ron/Harry Kinks/Themes: D/s dynamics Tone: Sweet and smutty! Dealbreakers: infidelity, hermione/ginny bashing, rape/non-con, mpreg Prompt: It's the summer after the war and Harry isn't doing so well. He can't seem to shut off his mind, continuously steeped in grief and guilt. He needs somebody to take care of him and help him find some peace, if only for a little while. Ron steps up. 20. This Banging Birthday I Wish For… Character(s)/Pairing(s): Draco/Theodore Kinks/Themes: Frottage, Blow jobs, crossing the line between friendship and lovers Tone: Sexy Dealbreakers: Dub/Non-Con, non-sexual body fluids/solids, dirty talk (sexy banter, yes... gratuitous dirty talk, not so much) Prompt: Post-war and one or both are teaching at Hogwarts, supervisory rounds lead to steamy happenings in either the Quidditch showers or prefect's bath. 21. This Banging Birthday I Wish For… Character(s)/Pairing(s): Captain: Harry, Severus, Rodolphus, Sirius Black; Cabin Boy: Draco, Albus Severus, Scorpius, Teddy Kinks/Themes: Roleplaying Pirate and cabin boy for fun Tone: Happy, D/s Dealbreakers: Usuals, unhappy ending. Prompt: He's the captain, and it's time to teach his cabin boy his place. 22. This Banging Birthday I Wish For… Character(s)/Pairing(s): Any older woman femslash. Specific pairings I love are Molly Weasley/Rosemerta, Minerva/any female Hogwarts staff member, Narcissa/Lily but if those don't appeal choose your own! Kinks/Themes: Multiple Orgasms Tone: Sexy, Playful and I wouldn't say no to a Sexual/Queer Awakening slant if that's your cuppa (no worries at all if not) Dealbreakers: Pregnancy, Marriage, Kids Prompt: She had always thought sex was good but didn't realise it could be this good. If you are more inspired by a first time orgasm angle that's also fine! 23. This Banging Birthday I Wish For… Character(s)/Pairing(s): Sirius/Harry/Draco Kinks/Themes: Jealousy. Tone: It's all about Draco. Dealbreakers: Orgasm denial. Prompt: For his 30th birthday, Harry goes to a sex club. He doesn't expect a) Sirius to be there. b) Draco Malfoy sucking Sirius's cock. [Happy ending for all three] (In contrast, Harry doesn't expect Sirius to be rimming Draco.) 24. This Banging Birthday I Wish For… Character(s)/Pairing(s): Bill Weasley/Nymphadora Tonks/Charlie Weasley Kinks/Themes: threesome, bdsm, "directing", under the influence/loss of inhibitions, role playing, pegging, oral sex, light discipline, gender fluidity (Tonks)* Tone: light, fun, romantic, humour is okay but not all out crack Dealbreakers: M/M or M/M/M, hardcore Weasleycest (some touching/interaction is fine, but no declarations of romantic love between the boys), Tonks being excluded from the fun, Tonks morphing into a biological male, A/B/O Prompt: A night of partying leads Bill, Tonks and Charlie to play. Tonks/one of the Weasleys are in a relationship, he is the one who directs Tonks/the other brother in whatever they're doing, then joins in. *I'm fine with Tonks presenting herself as androgynous/non-binary or more masculine while playing, but never as completely male. 25. This Banging Birthday I Wish For… Character(s)/Pairing(s): Snape/Moody, Scrimgeour/Moody, Snape/Sirius, Snape/Remus, Ron/Viktor Kinks/Themes: rough sex, struggling for dominance -- feel free to include any of: biting, hair pulling, a bit of bondage, difference of opinion regarding exactly who is the bottom here (*snerk*), shoving of people against various surfaces Tone: hot, hot, a little bit dirty, and hot Dealbreakers: non-con/dub-con, outright humiliation, hard BDSM, felching Prompt: The taunts and insults always get their blood flowing and their hackles up. More than just their hackles, actually... 26. This Banging Birthday I Wish For… Character(s)/Pairing(s): Harry/Charlie Kinks/Themes: Voyeurism/exhibitionism Tone: Humorous, sexy Dealbreakers: Non-con, dub-con, underage Harry Prompt: Charlie knows Harry’s watching him. 27. This Banging Birthday I Wish For… Character(s)/Pairing(s): Harry/Draco Kinks/Themes: (Semi-)Public sex Tone: Sexy Dealbreakers: Hardcore BDSM Prompt: They just can't wait any longer 28. This Banging Birthday I Wish For… Character(s)/Pairing(s): Sirius/Remus Kinks/Themes: First times, Loss of virginity Tone: Quirky, humorous, "realistic" sex and relationship dynamics Dealbreakers: The usual squicks Prompt: They’ve been planning to shed their virginity together on Valentine’s Day. A romantic evening, sharing such a private and special moment. What could go wrong? Well, apparently…everything. (Preferably seventh year. Could be established relationship, or could be just a pact between “friends" *winkwink* that turns into realizing feelings.) 29. This Banging Birthday I Wish For… Character(s)/Pairing(s): Severus Snape/Horace Slughorn Kinks/Themes: gainer/encourager; cross-gen Tone: Happy, indulgent, sexy Dealbreakers: Bodily fluids not usually associated sex Prompt: Maybe it's the lack of stress, maybe it's actually having a life, but Severus Snape is surprised to find that after the war, he's gaining weight. He's even more surprised to find that he likes it... is turned on by it. Now all he needs is an enabler - and he can't imagine anyone could be better than a certain older colleague with a penchant for crystallised pineapple, ice-cream sundaes, indulgent sex and plump boys... 30. This Banging Birthday I Wish For… Character(s)/Pairing(s): Harry/Draco w/Hugo, Oliver/Marcus w/Percy, Draco/Theo w/Blaise Kinks/Themes: Voyeurism, wanking Tone: Sexy, dirty Dealbreakers: Rape, mental health issues, death. Prompt: He knew they were together, but had never thought he would actually see them. 31. This Banging Birthday I Wish For… face sitting Character(s)/Pairing(s): Teddy/Lavender, Pansy/Harry, Ginny/Pansy Kinks/Themes: hookups, intimate but not romantic, “we shouldn’t but we’re going to” Tone: sexy, fun, letting off steam Dealbreakers: MCD, scat, under 18 Prompt: Two drinks, and they always end up here 32. This Banging Birthday I Wish For… Character(s)/Pairing(s): Draco/Severus or Draco/Rabastan or Draco/Antonin. Kinks/Themes: Sex for protection/bdsm Tone: darkish/sexy/angsty Dealbreakers: Scat, non-con (dub-con's fine) Prompt: He only has one thing to offer. 33. This Banging Birthday I Wish For… Character(s)/Pairing(s): Any in lightning gen, would prefer Ron being cuckolded, but I'm not picky Kinks/Themes: cuckolding Tone: dirty and maybe a bit romantic? Dealbreakers: non-con, would love the cuck to be into it please, and give their consent Prompt: Either at home or a club, maybe they're celebrating a birthday with a special present 34. This Banging Birthday I Wish For… Character(s)/Pairing(s): Harry/Draco Kinks/Themes: genderbending Tone: Filthy and romantic Dealbreakers: top Harry for this prompt. Prompt: Harry has always wanted to know what it's like... and so does Draco. (you can decide what 'it' is) 35. This Banging Birthday I Wish For… brains and beauty Character(s)/Pairing(s): Minerva McGonagall/Madam Rosmerta Kinks/Themes: wanking Tone: any Dealbreakers: bdsm Prompt: why did they wait so long? 36. This Banging Birthday I Wish For… Character(s)/Pairing(s): Harry/Draco Kinks/Themes: Sex for money, maybe some D/s, dirty talk, a bit of serving, enthusiastic bottoming, (anal, fingering, oral, frottage, or whatever direction you want to go), bottom!Draco Tone: ANY; sexy, romantic, dirty, sweet, humorous, teasting, ust, angsty/dark is also okay as long as it's also hopeful Dealbreakers: hardcore masochism, indfidelity, extreme mindfuck, unhappy ending Prompt: Draco is a high class escort and his services come as an amenity at a certain high class hotel. He's not expecting Harry to be his next client, but he's up for the challenge. maybe some snarky!Draco who rides a fine line between serving his client and getting what he wants

[easilydistractedbyfanfic]

Countdown to Season 6 Raven/Murphy #3 - Raven is an elephant

Hi again! I’m continuing my totally random countdown to Season 6! We’re only 12 days away now! If you missed post #1 or #2, there you go!

Basically this series of posts is my self-indulgent way of talking about why I love these characters, but maybe there’s a piece or two of insight I’m hitting on while I’m at it. Buckle up because this one is LONG! Today I’m gonna talk about why I think Raven is an elephant. I can hear you all saying it now - What the heck does that even mean, Jenn? I mean just that, fellow Murven fans. Raven is the elephant in the room and let me show you why I think that. Here’s your first clue, but I’ll get to this one in a minute! Ignore my crappy pictures and just go with the point I’m making, mmkay?

Alright, but to the beginning! In 4x04, Raven/Murphy/Em0ri are in their first scene together. The first time all three of them are in the same camera frame, this happens, below - 

Raven’s in the middle. Not really a big deal on the surface - any time you have 3 characters in the frame together, SOMEONE is going to be in the middle, and I do get that. In 4x05, Murphy is not present. In 4x06, Em0ri is not present (lots of Murven though). In 4x07, no Raven, not much Murphy. 

In 4x08, Raven/Murphy/Em0ri are all positioned pretty close together on one side of Baylis’ radiation pod while everyone else is set farther apart and mostly on the other side. Why are these 3 put together? Em0ri is in the middle but Raven is set up front, closest to the pod and when the camera shows all 3 of them in the frame, Em0ri is often hard to see or actually blocked by Jackson, the frame of the cryopod or is tucked behind Murphy or Raven. They are not on the same plane/do not have the same prominence. The scenes with Baylis go by fast, but again - look at when all 3 are in the same frame. 

Obscured, and the middle. Remember, this is only when all 3 of them are in the frame together. 

This takes us to 4x09, where we get the first coupla scenes with someone in the middle again. 

And then we see Murphy & Em0ri in a scene right after they have sex, but it is debatable on how sexy this is when they aren’t in bed together and are mostly dressed and focusing their eyes elsewhere. What are they looking at? Who are they talking about? Who is present both physically (in view) and metaphorically? Oh - are we talking about an ELEPHANT in the room?

The whole scene here they go back and forth from them to Raven. This feels way less intimate than it could have been with just the two of them. No knock to other ship fans, honestly - we all have our preferences, yes, and I’m not here to debate which ship is better. My point here is what is the purpose of a scene where a third party is literally in the MIDDLE of a kiss? Again, excuse my crappy phone photos of my tv, y’all, but how the frick am I not supposed to read into this when it’s like a threesome is happening in my bedroom?!

That kiss is the last scene of the 3 of them together until the end of 4x12, but I would like to note that in 4x09, Murphy “looks back” at Raven three times. Once when he leaves her alone in the room when he’s worried she’ll have a seizure, and then twice when he leaves her behind to float herself. Dang I love tropes! In addition, they leave the bunker to go after Raven as well as perhaps ensuring their survival, making her part of the focus/reason of their own scenes. 

In 4x12, Murphy is the third person to come down the steps to Raven, after only Bellamy and Clarke. I find that interesting, FYI, but I’ll spare you my details. When he talks to her, she follows him and doesn’t talk to anyone else who has arrived at that point. They all move around a lot after that but there are more frames with Murphy & Raven in them and I wouldn’t say there was a frame with all 3 of them since it just goes so fast and they’re all moving. 

In 4x13, the first (very brief, yes) frame with all 3 where they’re finally still literally has Raven’s hand blocking Em0ri. 

They’re not all 3 in the frame again until the end. There’s a super brief shot of Raven & Murphy standing next to each other at 23:04 with Bellamy and Em0ri opposite them while they refill oxygen tanks, then Murphy is over Raven’s shoulder in the rocket but Em0ri is behind her and not seen. However if you wanna get technical about it, it does form a triangle with the way they are sitting, especially when you consider they could’ve put Monty & Harper there instead. There is a moment when Raven unbuckles her seatbelt and starts to float where we see Raven/Murphy/Em0ri in the same frame but the focus is on Raven floating in zero-g and again - metaphorical elephant in the sense that she’s where the attention is. Then who helps drag Raven into the Ring when her air is the lowest - and where is she positioned? The middle. 

That whole scene with the air is another elephant encounter. They start sharing because of her/they keep sharing because of her. When they pull her to the air vent, Raven is in the middle. I thought there was a frame where all 3 were shown at the air vent when it starts to work, but there is not. The frame is Raven & Murphy together and then Em0ri separate. 

OMG this post is getting long and I need some chocolate. Are you all sick of this post yet? Because we’re about to go into S5. Holy crap I really am that weird obsessive fan, aren’t I? Lemme finally put a cut in here. 

First scene with all 3 in S5 frame - I can’t be the only person who has noticed a pattern yet, right?!

They move to the window, Raven’s in the middle, but they only frame Raven & Murphy in the next shot. Raven & Em0ri go back to the radio and then we get this. Yep, I put a heart around her, I’m a dork. -

Annnndddd then we get this - 

In 5x03, there is a scene where all 7 of Spacekru is in a shot in the rocket while they head to the Gagarin for the first time. Monty, Harper & Murphy’s backs are to the camera, but the order is Em0ri/Raven/Murphy with Raven in the middle of the two. Then we get the last image of all 3 of them for a while - and hey, look - the perspective has changed a bit. Murphy is framed in the middle here. I could go into another whole post about why I think this happened based on what’s happening on screen, but if there’s anybody still reading this at this point, you’re probably all groaning and thinking “No, dear god, please don’t” and I hear you, I really do. Plus I’m tired, so there’s that. 

After this scene, they don’t all 3 come together again for a while, but Raven is still that metaphorical elephant when Murphy & Em0ri share scenes. First, when he says he’s staying behind for Raven in 5x03, then in 5x05 when Murphy & Em0ri reunite, her first words to him are asking where Raven is. Elephant. 5x06 in the cave Murphy brings Raven up a couple of times as Em0ri tries to remove the collar. Same ep when they are in the rocket talking about their breakup, he mentions Raven again and she asks if he was jealous. This is where he has the idea to blow up the rocket fuel like Raven did in S1. Metaphorical elephant. They kiss, but Em0ri makes a point of saying it doesn’t mean they’re getting back together. They get a hostage. 

5x08 (Murphy/Em0ri not in 5x07) - they are negotiating a hostage exchange to give McCreary for Raven. Then they slightly argue over Murphy making a deal with McCreary to get Raven back, among other things, but again, the elephant exists here even though they do not all 3 share a scene. 

5x09 - Hey, the trio is finally back together! But from here on out things get murkier. They share a scene, along with Echo, but all 3 of them are not in the same frame. Em0ri is shown with Echo and Murphy and Raven are shown together as the camera pans back and forth. Back in the church in Shallow Valley, they are not all 3 in the frame again either, although I’m gonna take just a wee second to point out that Murphy is often in between Raven & Sh4w when it comes to sight lines. Super brief shot of removing the shock collars and it transitions from Raven & Murphy being on one side of the church on beds to Sh4w and Em0ri across an aisle. They are not all 3 in the frame in any part of this episode. 

They’re all 3 not in 5x10, but in 5x11 we get a frame of Murphy in the middle of Raven & Sh4w as he hands her some wire and there’s a scene of those three. Then that transitions to a scene where Em0ri and Echo come in and Raven and Murphy are on the ends with everyone else in the middle. Then they go into the snow and all 3 ARE in the frame with Raven & Murphy on the ends and Echo and Em0ri in the middle. Anybody who has heard me rant about this show knows I hate this entire snow scene (except for the lighting), but for the most part, Raven & Em0ri are in the shot together more than anything else. In the cave planning scene when the camera pulls back, Echo & Em0ri are in the middle of Raven and Murphy again. 

5x12 - another snow scene, not all 3 in the same frame. Cave scene with radio call to Monty has a sort of circle with Echo, Raven & Em0ri on one side and Sh4w on the other with Murphy pacing between. Super, super brief glimpse here where Murphy stands, Echo right in front of him confronting him, Em0ri all the way to the right and Raven in the middle but it’s so quick I don’t really count it and all the shots here are mostly individual faces. 

5x13 - the frame with a bunch of them looking at burning Earth has Em0ri so far towards the back she’s hard to see, though Raven is sort of in the middle of Sh4w and Murphy. 

And that’s it. I would say the last true shot of JUST Raven/Murphy/Em0ri happened in 5x03, otherwise they are only in the frame together along with Echo and/or Sh4w too. 

But I’m one of those people who watch shows with this kind of framing in mind, and while I have combed through the trailers and some of S6 leaks already with that in mind, I’m not going to spoil anything here. Just watch it for yourself with an eye towards who is standing where, what are they focusing on, who are they talking about and whether it adds or detracts, and see what you come away with. And anyway, no one wants me doing another long-ass post like this, do you?! 

What does this all mean, you might ask, now that we’re finally at the end? Well, not that the show needed to convince me, since I decided these two stubborn hard-heads would be fun to push together way back in S1, but I’d say there’s evidence that the show is telling us something. From 4x04 until the end of S5, there is a pattern when these three characters are in the same frame ANDYou can decide for yourself what that is, but like I said in the beginning - Raven’s an elephant and there’s no changing my mind. And I know how I see this but this isn’t an anti post and I hope no one tries to turn it into one. 

If you stuck with me til the end, then I give you major props, peeps! You can join the ranks of the obsessive along with me! LMAO!

[serpentlopez]

[TEXT] Hot Mess

Who: Eliana, Charlie @serpentchar

What: E+C text for the first time since E was arrested for assault.

When: Tuesday Afternoon, 11am.

Where: Text Messages

Notes: Mentions of Sheriff Hummel, Pastor Wilde, @northsideking and heads up, there is spoiler talk in regards to Game of Thrones!

Eliana

Thank you. For getting me out. I didn’t say it yesterday.

Charlie

Of course, love. Thank you not necessary, but you’re very welcome. I couldn’t just let you rot in there.

Eliana

Technically you could have.Would have kept me from doing what you don’t want me to do.

Charlie

I know, and believe me the thought occurred to me but I couldn’t do that.I love you too much to let you rot in the NS

Eliana

I appreciate that. Deputy Dewey wouldn’t have been able to handle my sexiness.

Charlie

Right? You would turn that place into Pamela Anderson’s jail house. It’d be fun. Then I might just join you

Unless the fucker deputy tried to use his position to force you to do shit.

Then I’d have to kill him

Eliana

I like the way you think.

Nah. I’m sure he couldn’t handle all this.Though Kurt might end up with a new mother before I’m done

Charlie

He’d probably fuck himself into a heart attack. Or a coma.Lmao how’s that? You gonna charm your way into the Sheriffs pants?Least the old man could die happy with a good fuck right?

Eliana

Charm? Baby girl, you’ve seen my tits in nothing but a bra and my leather boots.I’d be Mrs. Sheriff and then actually get some shit done around here

Charlie

Exactly. I support this plan. I mean you’d have to get past Deputy Fuckface to get to him but you could do it. Suggest a threesome. I’m sure they would agree?Who in their right mind would?

Eliana

Look. If I can get him, Pastor Wilde and whoever else the fuck it was for Aidens game; I’d be infamous

Charlie

I really need to see you fuck Pastor Wilde. That would be the greatest thing ever.I’d film it.Blast it everywhere

Eliana

I bet I could.

Charlie

You should

Eliana

He helped me get to the SS when I first moved here before I met you

Charlie

You could do things for him his wife would never even think of

Eliana

Him and his kids

Charlie

See. Opening already.

Eliana

I’d just walk in and tell him I need to confess.. get on my knees..He’d probably blow his load before I could touch him.Don’t tempt me. I’ll do it.Though with King back, it’s still killing me that kid didn’t want to fuck me.

Charlie

Fuck em both at the same time

Eliana

You’re indulging the hell out of me and I approve.

Charlie

Tell the good old pastor that you need to confess. Talk about how we had a hot threesome in the church. That you couldn’t help but wonder what it would be like if he were there.I am wholeheartedly loving this. We need good leverage sometimes.

Eliana

You’re not wrong about that. It would definitely have to be filmed then otherwise it’s my sexy but slutty word against his

Charlie

I would 100% be down to film this. Sex with Kingston would be hot. Probably get me all hot and bothered.

Not so much the good ol boy pastor, but im sure you’d be the ride of his life

And evidence is definitely needed

Eliana

Oh I’m sure I could send them both straight to heaven while I’m riding them to hell.

Charlie

Hot

More the son than the father

Eliana

Definitely the son.I mean come on

How do you not fuck someone named King?!He needs a concubine.

Charlie

Exactly. Not a concubine. He needs a Queen.

Eliana

Are you trying to gently remind me all the sex I’m goin to be missing out on??

Charlie

I mean even as a concubine you’d be missing out on sex. Concubines weren’t allowed to fuck anyone else either.

Eliana

Oh.Well fuck that noise.

He can be the concubine.

Charlie

Concubines were usually women who were considered past the marrying age, which was like mid-20sish, and they were only allowed to fuck the person they were serving. Maybe the other concubines if they were lucky, but they’d better not fall in love.

Yesss

You need concubines

Eliana

You’re such a nerd. How do you know that??

Charlie

I might be a badass but I’m also a nerd. Most people don’t know this. You’re not allowed to share this. You could always work in a brothel. Sleep with as many men as you wanted. But I don’t know if they got paid. I don’t think Littlefinger paid his girls or guys

Eliana

Game of Thrones. Now you’re talking.

Charlie

I love you. No one loves Game of Thrones like I do except you.

Eliana

I miss GOT nights with take out, alcohol, and lusting

Charlie

We could bring them back. Restart the series.I am all down for that

Eliana

Yes please. That ending was a travesty.

Charlie

OOOOH GET THE PASTOR TO WATCH GOT WHILE YOU BLOW HIM.

It really did. That whole last season was justNoI can’tIt didn’t happen

Eliana

When he cums, he better be shouting MHYSA or what’s the point?

Charlie

Exactly

Eliana

No. It didn’t happen. None of it happened. I’m totally good up until the long night but after that? No.

Charlie

Exactly. I’m good until Arya killed the Night King, but the rest of that shit? Fuck that. They fucked up Dany so badly it makes me shake with rage. I understand power going to someone’s head but damn man.

Eliana

But it was literally a cop outAnd the way she was killed?She deserved better.AND DONT GET ME STARTED ON FUCKING BRAN BEING THE NEW RULER

Charlie

Bran the fucking Broken. Man fuck off.I’m still waiting on this final book dammit

Eliana

And the way my lover Jamie went out after all his growth?I refuse to believe it’s real

Charlie

No. Not at all. I was so mad that they had Jamie just abandon all this bullshit.

Eliana

I’m pissed that Arya didn’t get to kill Cersei

Charlie

I’m just happy that Drogon survived.

Eliana

But they killed his brother is such a. Shitty way!

Charlie

Omg me too. I have to admit I didn’t think she was actually dead when the roof caved in.I thought the bitch would have survived somehow.

Eliana

But no. Just buried. Such shit

Charlie

THEY KILLED BOTH HIS BROTHERS IN SUCH A RUDE AND UNNECESSARY WAY AND IM STILL BITTER

Eliana

Fuck that show. Seriously.

Charlie

Seriously.We could have written it so much better.But I stgIf Martin doesn’t finish the last book soon I’m gonna kill him

Eliana

We could have. I doubt the dude is ever gonna finish that book. He’s old af and only writes like a page a day.

Charlie

He told the writers how he was gonna end the series in case HE DIED BEFORE HE FINISHED WRITINGLike what the fuck man

Eliana

Wait. So he’s writing it the way it ended on the show?

Charlie

But then when the series ended he said that’s not how he was gonna do it but he supported them or some bullshit thing

He said something along the lines of ‘maybe that’s how it ends maybe it’s not’

Eliana

They got to have their stupid ending.After everything dany went through

Charlie

He better write a better one

Eliana

Ugh. Fuck them all.

Charlie

Seriously.

Eliana

I’d still fuck the shit out of 90% of that cast

Charlie

I’d fuck Jon though...

Same

Eliana

Jon. Dany. DROGO.

Charlie

Ugh so MUCH DROGO

Fuck me to death

Damn

Eliana

Jamie. Tyrion. Robb. Sansa.Hell, the fucking dragons

Yes please!

Charlie

I mean I don’t want to fuck the dragons. They’re my babies.

Eliana

That’s why you were mother of dragons

And we fixed up that shirt to say “lover” or dragons for me

Charlie

Yes. 100%.

[csinickstokes]

Jack Dalton NSFW Alphabet

Jack Dalton×Female Reader Headcanons

very not safe for work | I wrote this like two years ago and didn't edit it much | enjoy the filthy nonsense | you've been warned | 😘😘💙💙

Aftercare: Jack just seems like he would be a huge cuddlebug afterwards, like pull you in close to his side with his face buried in your hair, which he loves to run his fingers through then all over your skin, and it would just be very relaxing and peaceful. As for clean up and after care? No, if you want something to drink or snack on or a warm towel or something, you're going to have to get that yourself cause his lazy butt's going to be asleep in about two minutes. You don't really mind though, you have Jack.

Body Part: Let's be real, his favorite body part on himself is his toned arms. Really everything about him is toned, but his arms just look so good in those tight shirts. He loves to flex them and get you shook. His favorite body part on you, just for clarity, is your butt. He's a butt guy tbh. He loves to watch you as you walk or whatever it is that your doing, his eyes are glued to your butt, which he occasionally loves to playfully slap and watch it bounce. It causes problems.

Cum: Jack doesn't cum all that much, so he'll pull out right before he orgasms just so he can finish either over your chest and stomach, or back if you were doing it doggy style. He doesn't really care for condoms, but then again, he's not gunning for kids either so it's a toss up if you use them. If you're not, then you're getting unloaded on. He loves to watch it drip off your breasts or butt.

Dirty Secret: Maybe this counts as more than one secret, but I could see him liking to see how many times he could get himself off while on missions before anyone catches on to what he's doing. Like sneaking away while Riley and Mac hack into some secure computer system and taking care of business really quickly. Like it's a time challenge for him or something. Of course, if it's a deadly mission, he's all seriousness, but he's got to relieve stress somehow. So far, the record is about six as Mac has the uncanny ability to interrupt his 'private time'.

Experience: Hella. Jack is a VERY good looking guy, he has had no problems getting women. Keeping them was the problem, until he met you, he knew you were the one. All those other relationships though helped him learn what he liked and how to please, and it's come in handy.

Favorite Position: Doggy style, hands down, is by far is his favorite position because A) the booty and B) he loves to Dom. He doms pretty much all the time, except for those rare times -specifically if it's after a mission- where he's a total switch and just wants to feel loved and protected (and the sight of you on top gets him gone). When he doms though, he’ll take you from behind in front of a mirror because eye contact is necessary, he'll grab your hair and hold your head up so it won't hang down and he will stare you down as you come. Sometimes though, he just needs straight up missionary to prove he really loves you and it's not just fun and games.

Goofy: YES! Jack can not stop cracking jokes even in the middle of intimate situations. Most of the time, you just roll your eyes and shut him up with a kiss (which doesn't stop him, absolutely not), but once you started laughing so hard at one of his puns that you couldn't breathe and had to stop to get your act together. It put a dent in his morale.

Hair: I feel like Jack would be very into 'manscaping', just for the hell of it, so he's pretty groomed but it is dark and thick as crap (like his eyebrows) (I had to). 😉

Intimacy: Slow, intimate love-making between you two is a rarity and extra special when it does happen because A) his work schedule is pretty hectic and he stays gone for long trips at a time and B) Jack is more of a go-getter and likes to see how many times you can cum in one night. He sees quantity over quality as the most important. That's not to say that once in a blue moon he doesn't go all out, full-blown romantic with the works; candles, champagne, rose petals all over the bed, maybe a sensual massage then mind-blowing sex to set your panties on fire. Cause he totally does.

Jack Off: Like with the Dirty Secret, he's very into his 'alone time'. He loves to interrupt Mac to tick him off, but no, he makes sure he gets his time alone. He imagines you riding him, and it doesn't take long at all. Since getting with you, he doesn't need to jack off (it's a pun) as often as he used to, or right after he first met you and couldn't take his mind off you, just enough now to keep him satisfied when you're away.

Kinks: So, so many. Specifically, the 'Sir' kink; you love to call him sir at really inopportune moments -like on a mission- just to make him squirm. He can't say anything cause Mac and Riley would give him hell for it, but he will level you with a look and you just know you're in for it. Since he is Dom, I'm going to say he has to have a little bit of punishment in there as well, maybe just a firm spank on the butt, but enough to get his point across (this is if you've put yourself in danger usually. Sometimes he just likes to touch the booty.)

Location: Anywhere and Everywhere, literally. You've had quite a few times in his car, quite a few, like a lot. Plus all over the Phoenix Foundation Headquarters, different closets, empty offices, and the occasional private interrogation room. He's working his way to the briefing room. Just to spite Matty. His top priority though, is doing it in Mac's bed. Why? Because he can.

Motivation: Literally anything you do can and will get him going. Maybe wear some tight jeans or high heels to accent your butt, that'll do it. A ghosting kiss just barely touching his lips will do it. He bought you some lacy lingerie one time that you like to wear under one of his leather jackets with some ridiculously high-heeled shoes; you greeted him at the door like this one time -shoes, panties, jacket and nothing else- you didn't walk straight for days. But, the absolute sure-fire way to guarantee that you get your way: flirt with Mac. Do it. He may put on his tough-guy routine and act big and bad, but he will be at your mercy. all. night.

No: This man is not into sharing you, his lady (Canon), with ANYONE ELSE AT ALL. No threesomes. You're just too good, otherwise everyone else would want you too.

Oral: Two words concerning oral with Jack: Beard. Burn. You think he does it on purpose, not that you mind cause it feels AMAZING! He's like a pro at going down on you which is surprising because Jack's really not that big on oral, giving or receiving. Probably stemming from all those one-night stands he had as a younger guy; he only got into that aspect of sex after he'd been with his woman for awhile, but only really got into when he met you. Not that he'd turn down a blow job or not return the favor if you wanted it. He'd just prefer doing it really well every once in awhile.

Pace: He's generally a fast-paced guy about everything anyway; he doesn't need all the romance stuff. Not that he can't be romantic, he definitely can be, it's just that he likes going fast and hard -and so do you, it feels like heaven as he's hitting it deep and hard, deeper than anyone else before. Sometimes though, you just want to take it slow and steady and really focus on your love and connection between you -and it feels SO GOOD.

Quickie: Loves them absolutely. He's most likely to be down for quickies after a particularly stressful, dangerous mission when his testosterone is high and he's really questioning his life choices. At this point, it's a thousand wonders he's still alive, so he'll take every single opportunity he has with you and make the most of it.

Risk: Risks all depend on location with Jack. Like if he thought he could get away with it, he'd have his way with you in Matty's office or Mac's bed (because lbr Jack has totally had sex in Mac's bed before) just for the hell of it. However, he will absolutely, no way in hell have sex with you on a mission until he knows you're 100% safe. Then, well, the team better hope those coms are turned off.

Stamina: When he was younger and had a lot of different flings, his stamina was higher, but the sex wasn't as good either. Not that it wasn't good, the foreplay was missing or non-existent. He'd rather get to the main event. Now that he has you, his techniques have changed, foreplay is his favorite part. He can go forever getting you off with his mouth and fingers. However, once you do get to the sex, he can only last one round before he's asleep. It's a GOOD round though.

Toys: Jack is an old-school, old-fashioned man. He doesn't use toys, at least on himself. The only toys you two use is a vibrator and sometimes restraints, ties or handcuffs.

Unfair: Jack a HUGE tease. You try to tease him, and he will get worked up, but it's nothing compared to what he can do to you. He loves to sneak up behind you, wrap his hands around your waist and whisper some very naughty things in your ear; that or he starts tickle fights there's no way you can win and keeps it up until you're a breathless giggling mess. Then he'll carry you over his shoulder to the bedroom or nearest comfy spot he can find (don't think about that spank he'll undoubtedly sneak in there).

Volume: He doesn't get loud in volume, but good night the noises this man makes. Moaning, groaning, growling, dirty talk, all of it. He is the king of dirty talk. He's more focused on making you scream for him cause it gets him off.

Wild Card: Sex in the water! He's an absolute sucker for bath or shower sex, he loves the feeling of you having to hang on tighter to his muscles while water laps around your hips. However, the biggest wild card this man has, and certainly the biggest surprise you've ever had: roleplay. Specifically, when he comes back from a mission banged up and bruised, and you pretend to be his sexy nurse is his favorite. He would DIE if Mac found out.

X-Ray: Jack's a big guy in more ways than one, specifically in the sack. He's not one to brag (he totally is), but he's never actually measured himself because he says it's in poor tastes. It's because he's afraid it's not as big as he thinks it is, just believe him when he says it's big and it's the best. It is. It feels like heaven every time he enters and stretches you out.

Yearning: Pretty dang high for someone of his age and experience. It's like he's a teenager again with their first relationship and cannot get enough to keep them satisfied. Unless he's on a mission, then he's super focused on protecting everyone and keeping you safe. Usually afterwards, when his testosterone levels are high, is when he's the horniest.

Zzzs: He falls asleep so quickly, it's almost not funny. But you know he's dead tired and works all the time, so you just wrap your arms around his waist and snuggle into his chest and fall asleep right behind him. On rare occasions that you can stay awake, you like to run a warm bath to soothe you both... and then fall asleep.

[han100894]

My NNT Ships

The people I ship, how I feel about them, and Misc headcanons

My two fav ships are Escalin and Monderi

Escalin: I got into Escalin after I first watched the first season, wanted more, and looked up the manga—reading VoE for the first time. Escanor is just so cute, and I always “fall” for the depressed/anxious but trying hard characters so I was routing for him with Merlin. Later as I read the mange I started rooting for him more, though it was only after I took a break and then came back with Season two and caught up in the manga that I got really attached, probably because it wasn’t until then that the two actually were face to face again.

I see them still needing some time to work out their feeling before they get together CoughMerlinCough but once they are together I think they’d have a pretty good relationship. Originally I had them as not having kids, but @bertazsleepyhead convinced me otherwise with her cute picture of Escanor sleeping with a little daughter ^^ so now they are the only main ship that ended up with a biological daughter ^^

Monderi: I’ve shipped Monderi since I first noticed they always seemed to be together (and also Deri sleeping of Mons leg), and partly it was for the shallow reason that they looked good together. But as time went on, and they had more little hints I feel hard, especially once they ended up in the villege, the talk they had before Esta showed up… I just love it ^^ They just have so much angst and history together, and I so wanted them to be happy…

Three things:

I actually like to think what was going on with Rejine wasn’t an onesided attraction/love triangle. Instead I like to think Monspeet actually did love her in return, it’s just that he ended up falling for both sisters. So yes, in a perfect world the three would be in a v-shaped threesome (Aka Monspeet would be dating both sisters)

Despite Derieri having been a commandments since she was a child, her and Monspeet didn’t really interact until after her hundredth (human-like demon’s majority) birthday, to avoid the uncomfortableness that could cause.

I have an OC, Lokan or Loki, a little half human/ half demon boy who often ends up more or less adopted by Derieri (and if Monspeet is alive) Monspeet.

Kaine: I like Kaine, it was my first big ship when I watched season one, and I still enjoy it… but I’m not as invested in it anymore. I think the constant losing of memories eventually tired me out a little. It’s still sweet, and I’ll write them as background ship in my stories, but I’ll probably never write them as a main ship in a story.

Also as HC, considering Fairies are born from plants, I HC that King is sterile. Since they both still want lots of kids they end up adopting a bunch across multiple races ^^.

Banelane: (Is that how it’s spelled?) these two are cute. I never shipped them super, super hard, but I want them to be happy and together after all the effort they went through ^^.

Plus, and I know this is an uncommon opinion but…I took the fight Ban and Meliodas had during the tournament to have been not “Loli vers Boobs” as I’ve seen some describe it, but Cuddling vers. Sex, and so I actually see them as an asexual couple, which makes me feel good because it’s really rare for me to see people like me in the things I watch or look at.

(I actually HC that fairies kinda default to asexual, partly because they come from plants and are sterile anyway, and partly because they have very little experience with outside races most of them to learn about sex as they have a much lesser instinct drive for the most part in that regard. King is a bit of an exception to that mostly due to the amount of time he’s spent with humans.)

And yeah that goes against some theories, like them having Lancelot, which my HC that fairies are sterile also messes up, which I figured… they could mentor the kid instead, or adopt (Though I actually see them as the couple who doesn’t really want kids, they want to go on adventures together, and are happy being aunt and uncle to others kids, but don’t really want their own.) Like, Merlin isn’t an old man and only met Arthur later in life, Escanor only takes the powers from his namesake and otherwise is completely different, and Gowther is nothing like his namesake except his armor kinda, let alone Merlin’s half-brother—it’s not all 1 to 1 connected… *shrug*

Meliodas/Elizabeth: Okay so real talk…I never really could get into this couple. Meliodas “Playful” sexual harassment turned me off pretty early on, made worse by Elizabeth being sixteen (Which is already kinda of uncomfortable) for most of it. Was it supposed to mostly be comic relief, yes. Did I find any of it funny, no. No shame to people who do like them, but I just can’t fully get past the squick.

That said it will show up, considering how major a thing it is in the story itself, as a background ship—one which will always either take place after Elizabeth got her memory back and is at least not mentally 16 or in some cases I upped her age to 18, to make me feel a bit better, even if it’s really not that much better. In AU’s I’ll sometimes also flip things around, aka Elizabeth is Margret’s and Veronica’s older sister (Taking inspiration of Goddess Elizabeth I suppose) instead of have her be the younger one.

Jericho/Guila: I love these two okay, ever since they became partners I’ve loved them, and that was only reinforced during the last battle of arc one. I love their relationship, and I wish there was an actual chance they would get together…

Veronica/Grimoire: I love these two, their “are they together or not” –ness is fun to watch and look at. I also feel bad for them quite a bit, both of them always seem to get the wrong end of the stick. Grimoire goes to train and gets turned into a child for a month while his firneds get even stronger than him, Veronica goes to train, sneaks off in armor to her uncle…and then nothing comes of it. I really hope they get at least one decent moment in the future.

Gil/Margret: Nothing really to say about this couple, they are cute, very canon, and will hopefully both survive what’s happening to them. Margret taking up a dsword and going out to find Gil was nice (Though it did kind of feel like she took Veronica’s arc from her a bit), and Gil’s devotion to trying to keep her safe while she’s possessed is also sweet. Also bonus point for being pretty much the only canon couple that doesn’t have some kind of abnormal height difference/age gap…

Honorable mention:

Ban/Elaine/Jericho: Look, the Raven’s arc was the best arc, and Jericho had the best character development ever, and honestly I could kind of see it, in a sense at least. Either way I want to see these three interact more together.

[sethkate]

savannah A to Z pls

A = Aftercare (What they’re like after sex)

well in the beginning, since she and caleb were usually putting their clothes on and hurriedly being like ‘ok thanks bye!!!’ which savannah hated, i think now that they are Grown and in a relationship, she takes more advantage of the time they can spend together?? the only exception to this is, if time prevents them from doing aka if they spend 1 more second in bed they’re gonna be suuuper late to work. otherwise she’s all about cuddling, maybe just talking and catching up on each other’s lives since they have really opposite schedules and what not?? probably with a shower thrown in and definitely donuts in bed.

B = Body part (Their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

savannah likes her legs because caleb loves them tbh. her favorite body part on him is probably his dimples. also like…..every bit of him that is tattooed which i know is a lot but IDC.

C = Cum (Anything to do with cum basically… I’m a disgusting person)

sav isn’t grossed out by it as much as some girls can be??? she doesn’t throw a fit you know, if it’s in her hair or on her clothes or anything. and when it comes to swallowing her feelings can be summed up by this gif:

and on that note the rest is gonna be under the cut lmao

D = Dirty Secret (Pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

there was One time when sav had to be treated for an sti and it still haunts her to this day. like she was pressured into not using a condom (and i say that loosely bc she was prob pretty drunk so didn’t need much convincing tbh) and then unfortunately a week or so following the incident she found out what a true piece of shit the guy was. and then slashed all of his tires and broke his car windows in true savannah fashion :)

E = Experience (How experienced are they? Do they know what they’re doing?)

she’s more experienced than she would care to admit. for a long time, sex was just sex to her, so she used it to fill different voids. she didn’t really treat her body like it was something that needed to be earned and gave it out a lot more willingly than she ever would now. so honestly she’s a bit embarrassed by the number, but it’s a good thing it will never get any bigger because she’s only going to be with caleb now forever yay!

F = Favorite Position (This goes without saying. Will probably include a visual)

if they are having sex just to fuck around and get off (x) (x) cause they’re probably on the couch or in the car or something but y’know if they’re actually like makin love or whatever def something more like (x) so it’s more personal and they can ‘bond’ and what not lol.

G = Goofy (Are they more serious in the moment, or are they humorous, etc)

in life in general i think she’s way less serious than caleb, so she’s probably a bit more playful and goofy when they’re in the moment together. there are probably times when things are a bit more dire like their many, MANY instances of break-up, apology, or angry sex which wouldn’t call for that kind of humor, but for the most part she keeps it pretty light and probably tries to bring it out of caleb too.

H = Hair (How well groomed are they, does the carpet match the drapes, etc.)

savannah keeps up with shaving pretty regularly. most of the time she’s hair-free, but when life is nuts she might occasionally have a little stubble here and there.

I = Intimacy (How are they during the moment, romantic aspect…) 

for not having like A+ role models to demonstrate how to be soft and tender and intimate with someone, sav is pretty good at it. she loves caleb so she’s very into making sure that his needs are met?? which is crazy bc savannah would usually be selfish af and only care about herself. but she’s really attentive at making sure caleb gets the attention that he wants and that he walks away satisfied.

J = Jack Off (Masturbation headcanon)

both she and caleb are good at getting themselves off. once skype sex had to come into the picture because of the long distance thing and it was the only thing they could do, savannah became comfortable with touching herself and also adjusted to having someone else watch her do it. where before it may have been more of a private thing, once caleb moved to boston, all bets were off so sav got pretty into it. 

K = Kink (One or more of their kinks)

exhibitionism and agoraphilia are probably the biggest two coming to mind, mostly because of the riskiness that each of them involves. sav will eternally be an adrenaline junkie so anything that gives her a thrill like that will be something she’s into.

L = Location (Favorite places to do the do)

hotels probably!! ever since their first anniversary thing, there’s just something sav loves about spending a weekend in a place with a view, a massive bed, someone to clean the sheets daily, big showers/bath tubs and room service. it just has lots of luxuries that they don’t regularly have when they are at home, so whenever they make a reservation somewhere savannah goes big or goes home.

M = Motivation (What turns them on, gets them going)

honestly a few shots of tequila and a beer or two and she is Ready To Go. but it’s because she’s already suuuper attracted to caleb. like his almost quiet cockiness, lil bit of hard exterior/bad boy look, the tattoos. he really just has to look at her and smile and she’ll melt the big damn sap. but she is 100% about ass grabbing too. that’ll also do the trick.

N = NO (Something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

other than like..the real gross bodily fluid nonsense sav probably wouldn’t ever consider a threesome. like maybe she had a stupid meaningless one before and i’m sure she can caleb joked about it in the past (him obvs wanting to have two girls and sav saying she would prefer two guys) but i don’t think it’s something she would ever do with caleb. the thought of him with another girl drives her nuts, let alone seeing it up close and personal and having to go along with it?? no way jose!!

O = Oral (Preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc)

usually giving because in her experience a lot of guys don’t know wtf they are doing lmao. so she’d rather just get off a different way or by herself bc nothing is worse than lying there and either waiting for them to figure it out or having the mood killed bc you’re trying to explain to them in detail wtf they are doing wrong. sav’s extra giving when it comes to caleb though and she’s never really been shy about her talent with it either. so lucky him!!

P = Pace (Are they fast and rough? Slow and sensual? etc.)

depends on how much time she has. she’s proficient when she needs to get the job done quickly and knows what works and what doesn’t in a time crunch. but if there’s time to draw things out (although it’s usually hard for her to move at a slow pace in her life in general) sav has the capability of mellowing out a bit during sex. 

Q = Quickie (Their opinions on quickies rather than proper sex, how often, etc.)

i feel like with their lives, probably a good 70% is probably quickies simply because they just can’t ever get the timing, the place, the circumstances, etc. right. so it’s kinda just something that they are used to. but it’s always so nice when they actually can take their time with things and thoroughly enjoy each other. i imagine they probably make time to have sex 4-5 days out of the week, but more if they can manage it. 

R = Risk (Are they game to experiment, do they take risks, etc.)

savannah’s entire life is a risk??? so she’d be pretty down for anything. 

S = Stamina (How many rounds can they go for, how long do they last…)

for a smoker and someone who is 100% against working out, her stamina is pretty good. she can probably go 2-3 times in a day and she usually lasts about as long as caleb does. they’re pretty in sync with one another!

T = Toy (Do they own toys? Do they use them? On a partner or themselves?)

sav probably had to invest in some when they were doing the long distance thing. like before caleb if she wanted sex she could just go out and get it, but when her bf lived hundreds of miles away she had to get a little bit more creative. so she’s probably got a collection of a few things after trying different ones trying to find something that did the most comparable job to caleb haha. probably made darren go with her into the store too and i am literally Dying at the visual.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

i feel like savannah teased caleb a loooot more in the beginning?? because there was that whole cat/mouse chase element to their relationship. but now that she has him, she doesn’t need to lay it on super thick the way that she used to. but she’ll still do it in small ways if she needs to get his attention or something.

V = Volume (How loud they are, what sounds they make)

savannah usually doesnt restrict herself in volume when they have sex, which is just one of the trillllion reasons her neighbors hate her lmao. i mean she has a loud mouth outside of the bedroom sooo if that’s any indication. usually it’s just a lot of moaning, panting and probably swearing too knowing her. 

W = Wild Card (Get a random headcanon for the character of your choice)

i’d say savannah doesn’t remember probably more than half of her sexual experiences. i feel like since she didn’t take them very seriously, most of them were liquor/drug fueled some probably even borderline consensual since there’s no way she could have had any idea what was going on. 

X = X-Ray (Let’s see what’s going on in those pants, picture or words)

(x)

Y = Yearning (How high is their sex drive?)

it’s always kinda been on the higher side and then i think once she got with caleb and saw how good sex could be, especially when it was with someone you care about, it went up tremendously to the point where she can be pretty insatiable at times.

Z = ZZZ (… how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

it depends.... because usually sav and caleb are running on -138 hours of sleep so if that’s the case, they can fall asleep pretty quickly afterward. if they have more time to kill and more chinese food to finish they’ll probably just take a break and sleep it off later. 

[rinniekins]

All remaining questions on the cute ask! Have fun writing (о´∀`о)

:^) fuck

6. What kind of people are you attracted to?kind and friendly, with a great sense of humor! also just,,, pure?? people like I  can’t really explain it that well asfhdsfkjhsk but just overall gOOD PEOPLE with good intentions and warm hearts

7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now?probably not lol

8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind?no one, except my asshole father who can just go and fuck himself for all I care

9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable?yyeeah kind of..

13. Do you like it when people play with your hair?if it’s a person that I trust then yes, otherwise no

14. Do you believe in luck and miracles?uhhh maybe? or more like I hope those exist lmao

16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?:^) stillhaven’tkissedhhahaha..ha

17. Do you think there is life on other planets?yes

18. Do you still talk to your first crush?uhh like first crushcrush? no, but like the first actual real big ass crush? yes

19. Do you like bubble baths?never been in one

20. Do you like your neighbors?yes, most of them are really nice and I try to talk to them whenever I just happen to run into them

21. What are your bad habits?there’s way too many of them so I definitely won’t start listing all of them but procrastination and overthinking are definitely one of the worst ones

22. Where would you like to travel?Japan, definitely! though it won’t be happening in a looong time but maybe somewhere in the future I hope

23. Do you have trust issues?yes.

25. What part of your body are just most uncomfortable with?……. honestly pretty much almost everything lmao but face, legs and butt mostly hhaaha..ha

26. What do you do when you wake up?stay in bed for like half an hour thinking about how tired I am and most likely scrolling through Tumblr on my phone lmao

27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker?darker, I hate getting sunburned so easily

29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up?it’s uhhhhhhm complicated..

30. Do you ever want to get married?maybe? now that it’s finally legal here anyway

31. Is your hair long enough for a ponytail?no

32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with?lol no one

34. Do you play any sports? What sports?no

35. Would you rather live without TV or music?TV, I don’t really watch it that much nowadays anyway and I definitely couldn’t live without music

36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them?yes, that’s what I always do rip

37. What do you say during awkward silences?uhhhh it really depends on the situtation but I’ll just try to say something that just comes to mind to break the silence omg

38. Describe your dream girl/guy?basically just a girl I can really connect with, someone kind and patient with a good sense of humor and someone who just accepts everything about me and all that stuff skhdshgh

39. What are your favorite stores to shop in?flea markets aAAAa also video game shops hkjshgk

40. What do you want to do after high school?wELL I’m just trying to find a job rn so

41. Do you believe that everyone deserves a second chance?no. unfortunate but no, definitely not everyone.

42. If you’re being extremely quiet what does it mean?it can mean a lot of things lol but I’m probably nervous or tired or angry, depends

43. Do you smile at strangers?yes absolutely!

44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean?outer space! bottom of the ocean fascinates me a lot too but it also scares the shit out of me omg, PLUS I can’t even swim so

45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning?my friends, my cats, all the upcoming series and video games and everything I’m possibly looking forward to

46. What are you paranoid about?…. uhhhh a lot of things

47. Have you ever been high?no

48. Have you ever been drunk?no

49. Have you done anything recently that you hope no one finds out about?uhhhhm yes

50. What was the color of the last hoodie you wore?I really can’t remember omg it’s been a while since I’ve worn one bc it’s been so hot but most likely black or dark green

51. Ever wished you were someone else?mmmh no… that idea just freaks me out in a way

52. One thing you wish you would change about yourself?being more social and brave and ughhh idk

53. Favorite makeup brand?I don’t knooow I don’t wear makeup anymore really bc I’m lazy lmao

54. Favorite store?uhhhHH I don’t know

55. Favorite blog?pretty much all of my mutuals’!

57. Favorite food?s a l a dalso tortillas tho

58. Last thing you ate?uhhhh idk what is it called in english but good stuff made out of zucchini omg

59. First thing you ate this morning?uhhhh I think it was crispbread

60. Ever won a competition? For what?uhhh nooo…? at least I can’t remember lol

61. Been suspended/expelled? For what?nope

62. Been arrested? For what?noope

63. Ever been in love?yes

64. Tell us the story of your first kiss?-

65. Are you hungry right now?no

66. Do you like your Tumblr friends more than your real friends???????? my “Tumblr friends” are my real friends wtf what kinda question is this

67. Facebook or Twitter?I don’t really use neither but uh Twitter

68. Twitter or Tumblr?Tumblr

69. Are you watching TV right now?no

70. Names of your best friends?eeeeh I don’t think I’ll tell them bc idk if they want their real names written here lol

71. Craving something? What?human touch pls I want cuddles right now immediately fuck

72. What color are your towels?uh mostly white

72. How many pillows do you sleep with?two also turns out that there’s two 72 questions lmao

73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals?yes

74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have?a lot.

75. Favorite animal?FOX!!

76. What color is your underwear?black

77. Chocolate or vanilla?chocolate

78. Favorite ice cream flavor?chocolate again

79. What color shirt are you wearing?uhhh ivory white with a cute fox on it aAAAa it’s my pjs lmao

80. What color pants?ivory white again with even more foxes on them lmao

81. Favorite TV show?I literally have no idea, I really don’t watch TV pretty much at all nowadays

82. Favorite movie?there’s tOO MANY OF THEM but uh Princess Mononoke and pretty much all of Studio Ghibli’s movies, Pokémon The First Movie: Mewtwo Strikes Back, Wolf Children… there’s a lot.

83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2?what.

84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street???????????

85. Favorite character from Mean Girls?wHAT

86. Favorite character from Finding Nemo?Dory!

87. First person you talked to today?my mom

88. Last person you talked to today?uhhhh like, talked talked? my mom again lol

89. Name a person you hate?am I supposed to choose just one

90. Name a person you love?all of my friends!!

91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now?yes.

92. In a fight with someone?not really

93. How many sweatpants do you have?I haven’t really counted lmao but quite a few

94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have?a LOT

95. Last movie you watched?Kingdom Hearts 358/2 Days

96. Favorite actress?aaaAAAH I don’t knoooow there’s so many, but Gal Gadot!

97. Favorite actor?I don’t knoooooooow

98. Do you tan a lot?no, it’s the complete opposite rip. I either get just sunburned or get even more freckles

99. Have any pets?yesss! two cats, called Minni and Jimi

101. Do you type fast?yes

102. Do you regret anything from your past?don’t we all

103. Can you spell well?yeahh at least I think so

104. Do you miss anyone from your past?yes.

105. Ever been to a bonfire party?no

106. Ever broken someone’s heart?yes.

107. Have you ever been on a horse?yes

108. What should you be doing?I don’t know, sleep probably

109. Is something irritating you right now?my father lol

110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt?yes

111. Do you have trust issues?uhhh yes this question came up the second time omg

112. Who was the last person you cried in front of?my mom

113. What was your childhood nickname?I didn’t really have one, my name is so short lol

114. Have you ever been out of your province/state?I don’t live in America sfsdkjhgh

115. Do you play the Wii?no

116. Are you listening to music right now?actually not, which is odd

117. Do you like chicken noodle soup?noooo I don’t eat meat

118. Do you like Chinese food?yeah

119. Favorite book?Varjak Paw

120. Are you afraid of the dark?not exactly the dark itself but what could be hiding there, especially if I’m outside and it’s dark

121. Are you mean?no, at least I hope so

122. Is cheating ever okay?no

123. Can you keep white shoes clean?depends on the season and weather really lmao, buuut most likely not rip

124. Do you believe in love at first sight?no

125. Do you believe in true love?I think so?

126. Are you currently bored?nope

127. What makes you happy?my friends, animals, video games, nature shdhgk

128. Would you change your name?nah

129. What is your Zodiac Sign?Scorpio

130. Do you like Subway?mmmh it’s fine

131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?I’d just say that sorry but I’m gay and it’s not gonna happen

132. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?again a same question for the second time huh, but @kinjaru

133. Favorite lyrics right now?aaaaah I really can’t decide

134. Can you count to one million?uhhhhh I don’t know, I’d probably mess up at some point lmao

135. Dumbest lie you ever told?uh there’s probably quite a few omg

136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed?almost closed but just enough space so that my cats can come and go as they please

137. How tall are you?158cm, as in about 5′2″

138. Curly or straight hair?bOTH, but does this mean like my hair? if so then straight

139. Brunette or blonde?both, except brunette for myself

140. Summer or winter?winter

141. Night or day?night

142. Favorite month?Novemberrr bc it’s my birthday month akshfksh

143. Are you a vegetarian?yes

144. Dark, milk, or white chocolate?aaahh I like them all

145. Tea or coffee?tea

146. Was today a good day?yeah I guess so

147. Mars or Snickers?aaahhh Mars

148. What is your favorite quote?be who you are and say what you feel because those who matter don’t mind and those who mind don’t matter

149. Do you believe in ghosts?yes

150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page?Se imi kylmää yöilmaa keuhkoihinsa, katsoi tutkivasti valtaisaa muuria, toisiinsa kietoutuneita oksia - oli näkevinään valkoisen, viiksikarvanohuen kuun korkealla yläpuolellaan.

Cute Questions

[rlyoshi]

120 Questions

So this is a thing I discovered and decided to do because why not.

1. Name: Maxwell Allan 2. Nickname(s): Max, RLYoshi, Kidsquid, various puns utilizing the word “max” 3. Birthday: December 30th, 1996 4. That makes you: 20 years old 5. Where were you born: Westlock, Alberta 6. Location right now: Carleton Place, Ontario 7. Shoe size: 13 8. How many piercings?: None 9. Tattoos?: Currently none, planning to get one or two in the relatively near future 10. When you wake up you’re: Groggy and irritable 11. When you’re about to sleep you’re: Probably not actually gonna fall asleep anytime soon 12. Zodiac sign: Capricorn 13. Chinese sign: Rat (really?) 14. Righty or Lefty: Righty for almost everything, but I���m ambidextrous for some mundane things 15. Innie or Outie: Innie 16. School: Caldwell Street Public School (elementary/middle), Carleton Place High School followed by TR Leger (high), Durham College (a single year of post-secondary) 17. Nationality: Canadian 18. Hair color: Brown 19. Weight: Don’t know and don’t want to find out 20. Height: 5'11″ 21. Braces?: No 22. Glasses?: Yes 23. Do you have a boy/girlfriend?: Not at the moment 24. If so, who?: N/A 25. If not, do you have a crush on someone?: Eh, not really 26. Who has a crush on you?: How would I know? 27. Ever cheated on your bf/gf?: No 28. Who was your first kiss: Haven’t had a proper one yet 29. Who was your last kiss: See above 30. Are you a virgin?: Yes. Did you expect otherwise? 31. Ever had a threesome before?: No, and I don’t plan to 32. Have you ever been in love?: Yes 33. Broken any hearts?: Doubt it 34. Got your heart broken?: Nope, besides mild and brief sadness whenever I got rejected when asking someone out 35. Ever liked a friend?: Yes 36. What happened?: First one led to a half-year relationship that fell apart because we really didn’t match. Second one led to a long-distance relationship that just collapsed because…well, long-distance relationships don’t mesh well with me. 37. How many relationships have you been in?: Anywhere from two to five, depending on your definition of “relationship” 38. How many were serious enough to count: Two. The other three were single dates. 39. Who were those serious ones: Amber, my girlfriend for half a year, and Chaz, my online boyfriend for a couple months 40. Best boy/girlfriend: Would rather not choose 41. Worst boy/girlfriend: See above 42. Who do you want back: None. We’re better off friends, honestly. 43. Who do you regret: None 44. Who’s your mum?: Diane 45. Who’s your dad?: Nick 46. Any step-parents?: No 47. Any brothers?: Older brother, Schuyler 48. Any sisters?: No 49. Do you get along with your parents?: Most of the time. Usually any arguments we have are because of a misunderstanding and everyone in this house is always too stubborn to admit when they’re wrong, myself included. 50. With your siblings?: We don’t talk much, but when we do, yeah 51. Do you have any pets?: Our house is filled to the brim with cats. Also four dogs. Favourite…

52. Song: My opinion changes frequently, but it’s usually always a Hollywood Undead song 53. Movie: Alpha and Omega 54. Food: Pizza 55. Drink: Tie between milk and coke, depending on the situation 56. Store: EB Games, I guess? 57. Television show: I guess the Pokémon anime; every other show I watch, I like, but wouldn’t call it a favorite 58. Holiday: Christmas 59. Book: Of Mice and Men 60. Ice cream: Chocolate 61. Sweets: Peanut butter cups 62. Crisps: Doritoes, if that counts 63. Type of music: Literally anything except jazz (too boring) or mainstream rap (completely stupid) 64. Artist: Hollywood Undead 65. Word: ...I got nothing 66. Time of day: Just barely afternoon, still mostly morning 67. Alcoholic drink: N/A 68. Color(s): Blue (and yellow) 69. Piece of clothing: T-shirts 70. Character: Ezio Auditore from Assassin’s Creed II/Brotherhood/Revelations 71. Board game: Clue 72. Sport: Baseball 73. Number: 14 74. Quote: “Sardonic humor is just my way of relating to the world.” -Jughead Jones, Riverdale 75. Animal: Cat 76. Actor: N/A 77. Country: Canada 78. Boy’s name: Raphael 79. Girl’s name: Ashley or Abigail 80. Swear word: “Shit” 81. Month: December 82. Possession: My computer 83. Season: Winter 84. Teacher: Mr. King 85. Subject: Science, when we discussed things other than chemistry 86. Subject to talk about: Video games Do you believe in… 87. God: I believe one exists, but I don’t really go by any religious definitions 88. Heaven: Yes 89. Devil: See “God” 90. Hell: Yes 91: Bogey man: No 92. Closet Monsters: No 93. Fortune tellings: I’m wishy-washy. Some have turned out to be pretty accurate and not just super obvious, so maybe some people are more clairvoyant than we believe. 94. Magic: I wish 95. Love at first sight: See “Magic” 96. Ghosts: Kinda 97. Voo-doo dolls: No 98. Reincarnation: No 99. Yourself: Sometimes Do you… 100. Smoke: No 101. Do drugs: No 102. Drink alcohol: I have at times, but I don’t do it anywhere close to consistently 103. Cuss: In real life? Rarely. Online or to myself? Like a sailor who stubbed his toe. 104. Sing in the shower: No 105. Like school: Fuck no 106. Want to get married: Yes 107. Type with all of your fingers: No, only my index ones 108. Think you’re attractive: I don’t think I’m ugly, so take of that what you will 109. Drink and drive: I have no plans to do either, let alone both at once 110. Snore: When sick, yes, but other than that, not usually 111. Sleep walk: I apparently did once, but not that I can recall 112. Like watching sunrises and sunsets: Sunrises, yes. Sunsets, not really. What do you think about… 113. Classical music: It’s good when done right 114. Boy bands: See “classical music” 115. Suicide: On one hand, it is a very serious issue and is never the way out. On the other hand, because I hear overdramatic people threatening to commit suicide (and NEVER following through) so often, I’m just numb to discussions about it. 116. People who try to force their opinions on you: GTFO 117. Teen pregnancy: If you brought it upon yourself by willingly having underage sex, deal with it. If it happened to you through rape, you have my utmost sympathy. 118. Homosexuality: Regardless of what anyone says, there is nothing wrong with it 119. Abortions: Sort of like “teen pregnancy” above: if you have sex without taking measures to prevent pregnancy, and you get pregnant, don’t get an abortion. Have the child and give them up for adoption. Only get an abortion if your pregnancy was entirely out of your control and you really don’t want to go through the childbirth, but even then I’d still say get it over with and put the child up for adoption 120. Yourself: I’m a guy with skills who’s sick of being the comic relief because everyone else severely underestimates me and/or wants themselves to look better so they exaggerate the slightest mistakes I make. Also, I’m a cynical snarky goofball somehow all at the same time.

[themjinterviews-blog]

35. YOU DON'T NEED A BUS PASS FOR ME TO BUST YOUR ASS.

Would you ever become a fan of a team you hate to please your spouse? No, but that’s not saying much, I don’t hate any teams because I simply hate sports in general. I used to try and get into former boyfriends teams in the past…but now I’m pretty upfront about my aversion to the entire institution.

Can you handle scary movies? I am weirdly very adept at keeping myself in check and unafraid when watching them. Logic and reason prevails. But I don’t like watching them, none the less, and avoid doing so as much as possible.

How often do you get a new purse…and for guys a new wallet? Eh...either when the current one is unable to meet my needs or when I spy a cute one on clearance.

What is the most money that you have ever spent on getting your nails done? Like, $45 I’d guess.

Once a cheater, always a cheater? I mean, usually, but not exclusively. People notoriously make the same mistakes over and over again because they never seem to introspectively understand their own feelings and behaviors. I believe that same logic applies to chronic infidelity.

What word describes your last relationship?Incomprehensible-madness.

Do you have a fake I.D.? I used to in college. The hot kid in my Literature class had roommates who made them. Mine was from Maine hahah.

Would you date someone 5 years older than you? Yeah, why not?

Have you ever been fingered? Why include such a perv-y question so blatantly in this otherwise non-sexual survey?

Have you ever been to California? Did you like it? l have. It has it’s ups and downs but I generally have positive associations with it.

Does it matter to you if your boyfriend/girlfriend drinks? No, as long as it’s never Wife-beater Drunk, I don’t care if people I date drink. I’d probably be mildly turned off if they were against drinking, to be honest.

Honestly, if you wanted to get laid right now, could you? I’d have to wake him up, but most likely.

Do you like deviled eggs? I fucking love them. Great, now I want deviled eggs. Asshole.

[Addendum: actually paused tbe taking of this survey to make deviled eggs. They were delicious]

What is your favorite horror movie? I’ve seen a very limited array of horror movies and honestly, I don’t like any. The idea of potentially feeling grossed out, uncomfortable and afraid negates any potential appeal for me.

Has a little kid ever fallen asleep on your lap before? No, don’t know any little kids.

What’s your favorite kind of float? (coke, root beer) Root beer, hands down.

If you heard your best friend’s significant other was cheating on them, would you tell them? Even if you couldn’t prove it? So, ideally, I’m probably supposed to say yes. But it’s 50/50. Minding my own business is a much simpler alternative approach.

If you discovered you were pregnant at this point in time, would you keep it or abort it? Why? Keep it. I’m not against abortion and far from being stricken with Baby Fever, but I'm 30 and in a few years I may not have the option, so might as well? Plus, I think I’d be a hilarious parent.

What is the last thing you googled? I don’t remember, so it likely wasn’t anything spectacular.

How far away do you live from the closest mall? 30 minutes or so?

Have you ever jumped off a high dive into a pool? We had to do so for swim lessons as kids. I was not a fan.

Ever had sex in a public place? Sort of.

What foods can you absolutely not eat? Cottage cheese. It’s ambiguous and lumpy and I’m 80% sure it’s actually pasteurized infant vomit.

List four things about your facial appearance: Glasses, hazel eyes, lip piercing, messy hair.

Do you like hot, cold, or lukewarm showers? Scalding hot. Then, when I’m about to get out, I turn it to ice cold, so it neutralizes my body temp and makes the air feel less cold when I get out.

Favorite holiday? Halloween. It’s one of the most creative holidays and there’s much less focus on adherence to rigid traditions.

Have you ever taken part in a threesome? I haven’t. I donno, never really had much interest.

Have you told your parents all of your secrets from when you were a teen? With a few exceptions, yeah. The statute of limitations has expired and it’s not like they can ground me from attending the Homecoming dance.

When drinking hard alcohol do you take shots more or make mixed drinks? Mixed drinks.

Have you ever been to an arena concert? Yes, several.

Do you plan on having both your parents at your wedding? Sure, although ideally, if I do marry I’d pick eloping over a formal ceremony any day. Planning a wedding seems to be a slew of superfluous madnesses, and I don’t have the attention span or patience.

Has a friend ever really hurt you and you never told them? Not that I can recall.

Have you ever stayed on a ride at a theme park to ride it again? B & I went to Six Flags on a Tuesday, in December, in Cali this past winter. Literally hit the jackpot…zero or close to zero wait times, no crowds…we went on several rides multiple times.

Do you work any holidays? I’m almost always working at a restaurant, so working holidays is often unavoidable – but I volunteer to be scheduled either way because I don’t have any real reason to turn down Holiday-Tips.

Last funeral you attended? My friends' mom.

Where did your mother and father meet for the first time? They grew up in the same town.

What is your oldest sibling’s middle name? I am the oldest sibling.

Have you ever stayed in a cheap motel? I used to live at one for half a year. They had efficiency rooms.

What are you currently dressed in? White shirt, green leggings and a black ski mask. Comfy Burglar Chic, Vogue calls it.