#three credit hour class my ass i have spent at least 12 hours on it every week

[solace-seekers]

trying not to sound like an engineering major but all my thoughts are just about my robot course

[awed-frog]

Hi! If it's okay, I'd like to ask you a language-related question, since you have plenty experience with them. I'm currently studying second language learning in one of my subjects, and there's plenty discussion about age as a factor, and I'm kinda wondering if at age 22 I'm able to properly learn a language - I'm having much less success with German than with English back in the day. What's your personal experience with age and languages?

Hi! First of all, congrats on learning your third (?) language, that’s amazing! 

I’m not sure I can help you properly because I’m not up to date with the latest research in brain development/aging and language learning, but as for my personal experience, here goes:

The main problem with languages is that they take frequent and consistent study - daily if possible, but minimum once a week - if you want any results at all. This is not one of those things you can ignore for weeks or months and then magically solve with a 12-hour study marathon. That’s one reason why younger people tend to be better at learning languages: because they’re forced to. Most schools will schedule two lessons a week, and set worksheets, tests and exams on a regular basis. Even so, many kids are average at best (for various reasons), so the idea that children have supernatural abilities to learn languages is a bit of a myth. What is true is that, as you age, a) your ability to perceive unfamiliar sounds dims, b) your memory worsens and mostly c) you can’t devote yourself single-handedly to something because you have a job, a family, poor mental or physical health, not enough money for those 4/h a week with a teacher you’d probably need and so on and so forth. 

Point a) there’s nothing you can do about. Babies absorb all sounds, but they quickly get more interested in those of their native language. If you’re learning a language as an adult, it’s likely there will be sounds in it you won’t be able to reproduce - in fact, it’s possible you won’t even hear the difference between two or three distinct sounds. Personally, I had zero trouble with French sounds, for instance, because I started to learn French when I was very young, while it took me some time and a very detailed map of the inside of my mouth to even hear the difference between the two Russian ‘i’s (и and ы).  

(Then again, pronunciation is the least of your worries. ‘Sounding like a native’ is useless and highly overrated.)

Point b) you can work on. We underestimate how important this is, but we do need a lot of stimulation to prevent mental decline and lower the risk of developing cognitive diseases as we age. The good news is that anything goes: reading, crossword puzzles, language learning, playing music, learning poetry by heart - the key thing is forcing your brain to maintain what connections it has and create and forge new ones.

Point c) obviously is complicated, as life is not completely under our control. Many adults are not good at language learning simply because they don’t have the necessary time to pour into it, while teens are often forced to spend time on their language learning - or face bad grades. Still, if it matters to you for any reason, you can do your best to make it a priority.

On the whole, what I found myself is that effective language learning is a combination of four things: 

how well you understand grammar

how good your memory is

how consistent you are with your studying

how motivated you are in wanting to learn that language.

As I had the good luck of having very good teachers when it came to general grammatical structures and I generally remember stuff easily, my main problems have always been point 3 and 4. I find it very hard to stick to a schedule because I’m one of those ‘Well, I didn’t start studying at 8 and now it’s 8:04, better watch TV because the whole day is ruined anyway’ people and my enthusiasm for the languages I learned has been very uneven. With Latin, for instance, I had great results even if I don’t love the culture because I was super-consistent (we were assigned a study buddy and mine was a real pain in the ass, forced me to work on vocabulary with her every. single. day.). English and German I was forced to learn for work-related reasons, so I studied a lot, but I have zero affinity with German, which means my level is nowhere near where it should be considering the amount of time I spent on it. With French I started very young, and yes, that’s one instance of getting a language ‘for free’, but then again, it’s also very close to my own. Ancient Greek - I only studied for exams, the most absurd grammar I’ve ever seen, very poor results even if I studied it for a total of nine years and started reasonably young. Now I’m starting a new language and I’m almost forty, but I don’t see an obvious difference compared to when I was studying a new language at twelve. The only challenge is finding two uninterrupted hours every week to go through a lesson - and the fact that I’m on my own, so no endless role-playing about where the station is and what do you want for lunch. But other than that, no - everything is the same.

Obviously I don’t know what’s going on in your life, but at 22 you’re basically a baby! A legity fat-little-fists, burp-on-your-shoulder BABY!

Man, when I was 22 I knew only one language sort of well and still made tons of mistake (because I’d learned literary French, so negotiating a supermarket was always a struggle). If I’m understanding this right, you’re in uni, which means you’ll have lots of things to do on top of learning German! Going to class, study for your ‘regular’ subjects, managing a social life, chores and housework and possibly a job, fretting about the end of the world...I think it’s perfectly normal you’re finding it harder to learn a language now than when you were 14 or so. You simply have a lot more going on. Also, German is one of those language very few people actually click with and/or are enthusiastic about. Many of us just have to learn it, and we sort of do, and that’s it. Just be patient and consistent and find a way to love it (if you don’t atm), and you will improve.

(And remember: you may feel old now, or like it’s too late to start some things, but a human life is a lot longer than we give it credit for. Keep working on your German, and by the time you’re my age, it’s a language you’ll have practiced for almost twenty years! And same goes with anything else - baking, yoga, watercolours - is it too late to start at 30, at 40, at 50? Well - start meditating at 50, for instance, and you’ll be a grandma who’s meditated for 20 or 30 years! In fact, your grandchildren won’t even remember a time you weren’t a serene old turtle sitting one hour every morning on your favourite pillow, eyes closed, entire galaxies slowly dancing around your brain. So whatever you want to do - just do it, start today, and find a way to stick with it if it brings you joy.)

[serendipityjxmn]

I Hate You, Park Jimin!

Chapter 1

Words Count: 4.2k

TW: Slight smut

Link to Introduction

Link to Chapter 2

[GIF CREDIT TO @OpaliaJM]

__________________________________________

We all have someone we love that hurt us so much, that it changed us forever.

I heaved a heavy breath as I plopped down the wooden floor in my living room. My head rested on the sofa behind me. I had spent the whole two days working hard on furnishing my apartment. It wasn’t that big but it was enough for me. I liked cozy living space. At least there’s a separate bedroom, I thought distractedly. The house still looked kind of empty as most of it were bare without any sort of arts accompanying it. Buying the basic furnishing was enough to make a hole in my pocket. Before the term started, I worked part time jobs and saved enough just to afford the deposit and a few months rental. I’ve roughly calculated my expenses and I think I’d be just fine to last before summer. I was more than sure I’d need to work during summer but I’ll worry about that later.

I only needed one whole day for cleaning and setting up the few furnitures I had. But it still drained the energy out of me and when I finally sat down for a breathing, the sun was already disappearing over the horizon and the little left of the golden sky being enveloped by the pinkish and indigo clouds. I looked around my small apartment. Everything was practically in place.

I waited for the sweat sticking onto my skin to dry out before soaking myself in an hour long bath, letting my mind wander about tomorrow. I was all but excited, nervous yet curious about my first day at the university tomorrow, wandering the kinds of events that would unfold during my upcoming three years there. The carousel of thoughts soon stopped as I drifted to sleep.

As soon as the professor announced the class was dismissed, the lecture hall erupted into a chattering noise. Still feeling unfamiliar with most people and the new environment, I gathered my stuffs silently and walked out of the hall.

The morning class was done. To my delight, everything went by smoothly. The professors seemed to know what they were doing which was a very important criterion for me because I can’t afford to have an ignorant lecturer. Your girl needs to graduate. I looked down at my watch. It was already 12 PM and my stomach was grumbling. I couldn’t wait to see what the university’s cafeteria has to offer.

“Hana-ya!” I looked up to see a girl with hair tied up in a messy bun running towards me.

“Ah Young!” I exclaimed back although not as loud as her. That was my best friend, Ah Young who I’ve known since forever. We went through the ugly pre-puberty phase together and still stuck together till we hit the glown-up post-puberty phase. She sure had gotten the good side of post-puberty while I wasn’t sure about myself.

“Babe~ let’s go eat!” She linked arms with me and we walked side by side to the cafeteria. We practically see each other most of the holidays but we’re still clingy like that. She is adorable and has such bubbly personality that I think compensates my boring and introvert personality. I don’t socialise much which explains the reason why I only have one best friend. Still, I am thankful she is a loyal friend and stuck up to my boring personality.

“Heol! The bibimbap looks so mouthwatering...” I pointed at one of the menus. ��Gosh, I still can’t believe we’re now in university. And we’re together!” I said as I proceeded to inform our order at the counter.

“Yeah, I remembered how frantic I was because you kept on pressuring me to apply for the same university as yours.” She rolled her eyes at me as we both moved to another line of queueing to receive our order.

“You don’t want to be in the same university as mine?” I threw her a hurtful look.

“Of course I do!” She smacked my arms and I chuckled. “It’s just difficult when my results aren’t as good as yours!”

I guess it was kinda true that I had always maintained top scores during high school. I was on scholarships and I can’t afford to have my scholarships revoked so that was my main drive to study hard. “Ahh.. it just still feels surreal.” Although the so-called new surrounding is dampened because I could clearly see a number of familiar faces from our high school. “Remember when we were wondering what kind of food do they serve in university cafeteria?”

She laughed while nodding. “The time when our curiosities were so innocent.”

“I know, right?”

We were still queueing for our meal when we heard a loud noise. We both looked up to see a small crowd was already forming at the cafeteria. Apparently, a brawl had broken out. I was hesitant to witness it as it wasn’t particularly a pleasant sight to see people fighting but Ah Young tugged my hands so I just followed suit.

“Oh my god, it’s Park Jimin.” She whispered the name as if it was some kind of taboo.

What? I looked up. That’s when I saw him. Park Jimin. THE Park Jimin. He was beating the shit out of someone who was pinned to the ground. “It was only the first day of university though.”

It was true. Park Jimin was that kind of guy. He was that typical bad boy anyone would pray to never come across in any chapter of their life. He was rude, self-centred, arrogant, obnoxious, annoying, you name it. Basically, he’s an asshole. I have known to avoid him at all costs because he’s bad news and I was perfectly aware of the fact that nothing good comes from associating with him. Unfortunately for me, I had to endure going to the same high school as him and now the same university. Not a day goes by without me hearing about him fighting or breaking any rules ever made in this world. Not that I ever tried to find out anything about him but the news of his well being always floats around because he was THAT infamous. Boys knew him from his fist while girls knew him from his dick. Yeap, on top of being an asshole, he’s a playboy. I guess that makes him a double asshole.

I scanned the crowd that was slowly forming. It was only the first day of university and he was already acting as if he owns the place. I shook my head. Doesn’t he fear being suspended from university?

“Ya, ya stop it Jimin. At this rate, he’ll die.” One of the blonde guy stepped in and to my surprise, Jimin stopped immediately. I looked up to see who it was and understood at once. It was Min Yoongi. He was our highschool-turned-university-now senior. Park Jimin was the same age as mine but he had this group of troublemakers and that includes Min Yoongi as well. I could easily spot Kim Namjoon, Kim Seokjin, Jung Hoseok and Kim Taehyung who were all in the group as well.

“He deserved more than that, to be honest.” A mint haired guy with a deep voice said aloud as he helped jimin to stand up. It was Kim Taehyung; another troublemaker. He was the same age as Jimin which means the same age as mine too.

My sight went to an unconscious guy lying on the floor with bruises all over his face. It was too much of a sight for me so I quickly pulled Ah Young away from the crowd with me.

We both took our meals and I chose to sit very far away from the scene.

“Ah, I forgot that as long as we're stuck at the same place with Park Jimin, it’d be weird to not witness his daily dose of fighting.” Ah Young mulled and I couldn’t agree more.

My eyes darted towards him and his group. The way he walked so casually as if he didn’t just punch a guy almost half dead made me nauseous. He was running his hands through his orange hair and I swore if I didn’t just watch him throw some punch, I’d probably melted at that. Here’s the thing, Park Jimin was vain, self-centred, rude and a total asshole but I can’t deny that he had all the God-like features and exuded extremely high sex appeal. This explained why girls are practically throwing themselves at him. Plus, he knew that he was good looking and he used that together with his sweet words to get into any girls’ pants. Asshole confirmed.

I watched them took a seat at a table with a good distance from us silently.

“But I’m not complaining though. He provides one fine ass view.” Ah Young said casually.

I almost choked on my food. My best friend had always been vocal about things like this. I may or may not have drooled over him too but who knows. Who can blame me though? I’ve been working hard on maintaining my grades ever since I can remember so I never had time to date. Plus, it’s also a luxury for me. Being in a relationship is expensive as fuck unless I’m dating a prince or something. Call me materialistic but I’m just being realistic. Anyway, in the midst of working twice as harder than high school, I was still determined to maintain my grades. Fantasizing about Park Jimin seemed like a good idea of personal pleasure.

“Oh come on! I’m sure you’d be imagining about his dick size too.” Ah Young said again.

This time I really choked on my food. I coughed several times.

“Are you okay?” She asked while holding her laughter. This bitch.

“Can you not be so loud?” I almost half screamed myself at her. A tad bit too loud I guess because I saw a girl from the opposite table turned back to look at me. In that instant too, I have no idea why my eyes flickered towards Park Jimin’s table. I regretted it immediately because his eyes were already on me. I froze because I felt his gaze penetrating my soul although we were hundreds of metres apart. Then he smirked.

In this world, there are exactly two things that I hated the most. One was a cheater. The other would be Park Jimin’s smirk. That is because he had this panty dropping smirk and it’s not an exaggeration to say it could make girls hit orgasm just by looking at his smirk.

Also, because I had a history with that smirk. A history that dated a year ago. I remember it was the day before our high school graduation ceremony. I was a member of the student council so naturally, I had to help prepare the ceremony. It was late evening and not many students were left. The decorations were almost done anyway. I stood in the middle of the hall, my eyes scanning for anything that needs to be adjusted or to find anything lacking. Then I noticed a banner’s end was slightly tilted. It appeared that its tie was slightly loose. I immediately hunted for a ladder to fix it.

After I was satisfied enough with my adjustment, I descended the ladder but somehow my steps were juggled and I lost balance. I tried to hold on to the ladder but it was too late. I surrendered and waited for the land to embrace me. But it never came. Instead, I felt strong arms around me and behind my knee. Before I could open my eyes, a sweet yet manly scent wafted through my nose. This person smelled heavenly. I opened my eyes and to be honest I thought I was dreaming.

There he was, Park Jimin, his face only inches from mine. His eyes fixated on me. The close proximity and the physical contact caused an electrical surge to course through my body. It was as if sparks were flying when he embraced me.

Suddenly reality hit me and I realized the position we were in so I quickly struggled out of his embrace and stood properly.

“Th-thank you.” I stuttered. Damn it. I didn’t want to make his effect on me to be so apparent. Especially not in front of him.

His brows knitted together as he regarded me for a moment. Then he said, “Won’t be nice if the top student suddenly broke her neck right before graduation. People might actually accuse me of murdering you since there’s no one here.”

He.. knew me? Although technically he doesn’t know my name but still- he mentioned the fact that I was a top student. I looked around. It was empty. I guess I didn't notice everyone had gone back. I cleared my throat, trying to sound firmer now. “Well, thanks anyway.” Without sparing a glance at him I turned around and exited the hall immediately. I didn’t realize I had stopped breathing until I was out of the hall. Park Jimin, the power he had on me. Or literally, every other girl.

Due to our short encounter the day before, I was under the impression that maybe Park Jimin actually knew me. I mostly minded my own business but my names came up quite often for academic awards and competitions. Maybe he did notice despite him skipping class all the time. But then he proved me wrong the very next day.

After the graduation ceremony ends, everyone was scattered throughout the hall. Most of them were occupied in taking pictures with the scroll. I myself had been dragged around to take pictures together with Ah Young for a good 20 minutes. She was definitely going to drag me to take pictures with literally everyone in our year until I realized that I had the sudden urge to pee so I excused myself.

The restroom on the same floor was full so I decided to take the ones upstairs. I strolled on my way there, taking in all the scenery of my high school one last time. I felt a sudden twinge in my stomach remembering that I didn't make much memories throughout my years here. It was regretful but hey, at least I did well in my studies.

As I reached the restroom, I heard some weird noises from inside. I could barely make out a sound of someone groaning and I instantly became worried if someone’s sick inside. How wrong was I. I pushed open the door and I was met with a sight of half-naked Park Jimin and a half-naked girl crouched in between his legs. I almost let out a scream at the sight. He didn’t seem fazed at all by my presence. Instead, he seemed to be enjoying an apparently extremely good blowjob hearing how much he was moaning. His gaze turned to me. Then he smirked. Yeap, that smirk. The very smirk that I mentioned.

While keeping his eyes on me, he grabbed a handful of the girl’s hair in front of him and started to lead her head bobbing up and down his cock. He moaned while biting his lip yet he still kept his gaze on me.

I was angry at his nerve to do this at school and the fact that he seemed to enjoy having a viewer angered me more. I didn’t drop my stare as I was determined to challenge his stare. I thought I was winning but I was wrong. I looked away after a few seconds because the image of him being turned on and in arousal like that was somehow starting to affect me. If I were to continue watching, I might’ve hit orgasm myself. I turned around and exited immediately yet I could almost sense him smiling his devilish smile because he won. He won our silent fight. So much for sparks flying, huh? There’s Park Jimin having his dick sucked for his life as a slap from reality.

And that was the end of history. To this day, that stare, that smirk, that moan of his haunted me. I wasn’t very much angered by the incident anymore. The image and sound of him moaning had actually turned into a pleasant memory for what little sexual fantasy I have. Plus, I don’t think he remembered the incident. Heck, I can even bet he doesn’t remember me.

So I looked away immediately before the rest of my body stopped functioning. I could sense the very same devilish smile of his slowly forming on his face.

I finished my meal in haste and constantly tapped the table so that Ah Young understood my urgency. She cursed at me as I technically dragged her out of the cafeteria.

Weeks went by after that incident on the first day of class. Everything pretty much went by smoothly. If I were to keep this up, there should be no problem graduating. I hugged myself with glee. Future looking so bright. Or so I thought.

“Ah finally, time to close!” I worked for part-time at a cafe about two stations from my university. I had been working here since after my high school graduation to fill up my holidays before starting university. It was also for me to save enough to rent a cozy apartment that I have now. Since I had already started my classes, I informed my boss about my resignation. However, she practically begged for me to stay for a few more weeks until she finds a replacement. I agreed simply because my boss was a good boss and I didn't really mind working for a few more weeks though. A little extra pocket money won’t hurt anybody.

I was in charge of closing down the shop for the day. I swept and mopped every corner of the cafe. When I was satisfied, I took all my stuff and exited through the back door with a huge garbage bag on my right hand. The back alley was dimly litted and it was practically empty since it was almost 11 PM. At that moment however, I noticed two guys had just turned their way into the alley. My brows knitted because as much as I’m used of the dark and empty alleys at night, I don’t particularly like it when guys would roam around especially when they are drunk. I quickly threw the garbage in the dumpster and locked the door when I heard a whistle a few metres behind me. I didn’t turn around but I was sure it was the guys that had just walked into the alley just now.

“Damn Kim Hana, guess it was our luck to meet you.” A voice was heard.

He knew my name? I turned around. Ah, of course he would. He was a regular at the cafe, always lowkey flirting to which I never responded. I didn’t reply.

“You know.. I’ve wasted so much of my money coming here all day every day and you still won’t tell me your number.” He went nearer to me and I panicked slightly. There was no one else in the alley. He towered over me and I noticed that he was only slightly taller than me. When he stepped forward, I took a step back until my back hit against the door. He inched his face closer and I looked away. I thought of begging for help from his friend that I’ve never seen before but then again, I could barely make out his face. He was wearing a hoodie and it covered almost half the top part of his face.

“If you’re not going to give me your number.. at least give me your kiss.” He said seductively as he inched closer and closer.

I threw a disgusted look at him and I raised my hand to slap him. But I wasn’t quick enough, he already took hold of my wrist. He smirked. “Damn, I’ve always thought you’re one feisty bitch but seeing it now on my own.. fucking turn on.”

From the corner of my eyes, I saw his other hand trying to reach my ass but I wouldn’t give in. I was ready to kick his balls when another voice was heard.

“Let go of that hand now.” His voice was melodic but at the same time raspy. I turned to find the voice and tried to make out his face but it was dark and he was also wearing a hoodie that covered his eyes.

The guy in front of me sucked in his breath and scoffed as if he was surprised someone would stop him. He ran his hand through his hair and turned around. “Who the fuck do you think you are?”

The new guy took off his hoodie and ruffled his hair. My eyes widened to see Jimin. He wasn’t looking at me but instead he was smirking at the guy disturbing me. “Feeling familiar?”

The guy in front of me bit his lip. “Aish!” was all he shouted through gritted teeth before taking off. His hoodied friend looked at Jimin as if studying him for a moment before following his friend. He didn't run though.

I gulped. Of all people, why did it have to be Park Jimin to appear at this exact time, saving my poor ass as if he’s some kind of knight in shining armor?

His gaze turned towards me. I felt my breath hitched because I swore his expressions turned so cold it made me shiver. “What the fuck are you doing here alone at night Kim Hana?”

He... he knew my name? “You knew my name?” I blurted out.

He threw a don’t-be-stupid-look at me.

I have no idea what to do with that information. And what’s with his tone? Duh, obviously I’m working here you piece of shit. But I didn’t say that. “I was.. I got lost.” My voice came out weaker than I ought it to be.

His expression didn’t soothe. “I don’t believe that. But I don’t care either way.”

Damn, he’d really be taking his self-centeredness into a whole new level. It hurt a bit. “Yeah well since you didn't care anyway, why don’t you just go and leave me alone.”

I guess my words triggered something inside him as he suddenly pinned me to the wall. His arms each beside my face. Under the dimly lit night lights, his face looked so surreal it was almost unfair. He has a small face but his features were both soft and sharp. His cheeks chubby and his nose, although not tall, was sharp. His eyes were sparkly as if it held a million stars in it. But his lips.. his lips attracted me the most. For a so-called bad boy, he has a set of pretty plump pink lips. It suddenly made me wonder how it would feel if those plump lips were against mine.

“To someone who just saved your ass, I thought you ought to be a bit more polite, don’t you think?” He glared at me.

I snapped back into reality. I can’t believe I forgot that Jimin was the bad boy. What was I thinking? I had no idea what to say so I just stood awkwardly as I mumbled a sorry. Then he straightened, no longer pinning me.

“Let’s just get out of here.”

And so I was trailing behind him, admiring as what Ah Young would always say, his fine ‘piece of ass’ silently. Strangely, it doesn’t feel weird. It was as if his presence does not need to be justified by words. I guess Ah Young was right, although not that I didn’t know at first- Park Jimin does have a nice body proportion. He was almost a good head taller than me. The way he carried himself radiated much charisma and I could tell that he knew he looked good. Otherwise, he wouldn’t have such cocky attitude. I rolled my eyes.

Why was he even here anyway?

He stopped in his steps and I almost bumped into him. I looked up at him, almost furious.

“I just happened to be in the area.” He said, looking almost pissed.

Shit. Did I say it out loud?

“You did.” He answered my thought.

Is he psychic? I looked at him in horror and I could see he was suppressing a smile for a second.

“Anyway, I would’ve done what I did for any other pretty girl so don’t go around feeling too special.” He said then he looked away.

My brows knitted. Don’t feel special... but did he mention pretty girl? Is he.. saying.. I’m pretty? Or what? I was confused.

“Come I’ll send you home.” He said as he pressed his car key. I realized that we were standing in front of a sleek black Audi R8. I gaped. Holy shit, that was his car? Poor people like me can’t relate. And I am never gonna get into a car with Park Jimin. My brain told me Jimin and sports car were a dangerous combination. Therefore, when he pulled open the car door, I took off.

“I’ll just go home by myself!” I shouted as I ran in the opposite direction. I didn’t look back but I’m pretty sure I left him speechless.

When I got into my little apartment, I went straight to my bedroom and laid down on my bed. Tonight was one hell of a strange night. And the fact that Jimin knew my name... what do I do with that information?

Link to Chapter 2

Posted on 200502 12:59AM

[echodrops]

The Promises I Made (2019 Edition)

For the past thirteen years, I’ve spent every New Year’s Eve compiling a list of fifty promises I intend to keep or fulfill over the next twelve months. The results have been truly amazing, and I have kept some promises I never thought I could. 2019 was… a nightmare that I can barely believe I survived, but I still kept some promises that I honestly did not expect I ever could.

This year, for New Year’s, there will be a new set of promises for to me keep, but here are the old ones, for review!

The Promises I Made (2019 Edition)

1) Be more proactive about tracking and following up with struggling students to decrease the number of students who drop from my class when they realize they cannot pass. Status: Somewhat broken? I tried really hard to be proactive with my students; however, there were some massive issues outside the classroom this year that made it extremely difficult to keep the focus on the students. When administration drags your attention away from the class, there is not a lot you can do…

2) Find a place to put in volunteer hours because uhhhh like this is actually important to my work evaluation and I definitely need something to write in that section… Yikes, this spring is my last chance to do this!! @_@ Status: Kept. I volunteered with the Utah Shakespeare Festival and it was super fun!

3) Install the fire escape window in the Utah house, no matter how much it might cost, because I can’t get a totally unrelated tenant in that basement without said window… Status: Somewhat kept. Okay. This one is a LONG story, but to be fair to me, I worked my ASS off to try and make this happen; just every single thing in the world prevented me from completing this promise, up to and including the city telling me I needed a permit AFTER I had already dug a massive hole in the ground for the window…

4) Buy sod to add grass to the front portion of the lawn so that it no longer looks like garbage. Status: Broken, but I did buy grass seed and put that out there. Unfortunately only some of it sprouted, but there is indeed SOME grass now growing there…

5) Fix the bricks near the windowsills on the Utah house to prevent long-term damage. Status: Broken. After dealing with the stupid window disaster, I had no time for this at all.

6) Get a watering system for my roses at the Utah house because I think my bro is probably killing them and that’s just not cool. Status: Broken, see above.

7) Work on the patio at the Utah house before it just flat out falls down. Status: Somewhat broken. Again, I tried to make progress on this—I called a patio guy to come out and assess how much it would cost to fix the patio—but the price I was quoted was so high that there was nothing I could do at the time.

8) Paint the stairwell so that there’s no chance of anything like lead paint or asbestos being exposed. Status: Broken. The leftover wallpaper glue continues to confound me…

9) Trim the backyard bushes so the neighbors don’t hate us anymore… Status: Broken. We trimmed a few bushes and at least got to the trees out front, but definitely a majority were left uncared for.

10) Move into a new house in Texas where I can get real internet, please for the love of god… Status: Kept. I moved into a very nice house with no scorpions!

11) Save money for my upcoming trip to Japan! 2020 baby! Status: Uhhh, broken. I’m not sure how I thought I’d be able to move into a new house AND save money for an international trip at the same time…

12) Get my wisdom tooth removed because it’s still there and still killing me, yikessss. Status: Broken. AUGH. I’m an idiot.

13) Make an appointment with an eye doctor for like the first time in years. Good job, Yehn, good job. Status: Kept. I got my glasses fixed and even got a new pair of glasses too!

14) Get my prescriptions refilled because I’m dwindling on asthma medicine and like… I could die from this… I should never have been left to care for myself; I’m not mature enough for this responsibility… Status: Kept, surprisingly. But I still need a new doctor because the last one I was going to wouldn’t give me any refills…

15) FINISH THE GIVEAWAY PRIZES I PROMISED LAST YEAR because holy shit I am incompetent and the worst and everyone has permission to hate me for starting things and never finishing them, fuck. Status: Broken. So broken. I am the worst.

16) Go dolphin watching in the Gulf for real this time. Seriously, it’s $10 Yehn, you can do this. Status: Kept, amazingly. It wasn’t as impressed as hoped; however, there was a lovely sunset.

17) Return to the Channel Islands to take better pictures. D; Status: Broken. T_T

18) Level all my classes to 70 in FFXIV before next expansion, please. Status: Somewhat broken. I didn’t have everything to 70 before the expansion, but I kind of feel like I should get credit for this one, because HEY, look at me now:

19) Organize and properly label all the photos on my computer so that I’m no longer desperately combing through folder and folder in blank confusion, looking for a single picture in a sea of thousands… Status: Kept. It took me like eight hours of work, but I actually did this.

20) Update Home and a Half more than once? PLEASE??? The guilt I feel over this currently is crushing. Status: Broken. And the guilt grows…

21) Complete the online American Literature class I am designing on time and with no corrections needed. Status: Kept. I’m counting this as kept even though TECHNICALLY there was one thing I forgot to finish and it came back and bit me in the ass; however, I was approved with no corrections needed.

22) Earn 100% completion for Kingdom Hearts III. So excited! Status: Broken. Um… This just didn’t happen.

23) Update my calendar with important dates—holidays, birthdays, etc.—and be productive about sending cards and well-wishes. Status: Somewhat kept. I wasn’t any better about sending cards really, but I did at least save all the birthdays in my phone so I remember them.

24) Get the garbage disposal in the Texas house fixed ASAP so I don’t have to wash the dishes by hand anymore because I absolutely hate that particular chore. Status: Kept. Then I moved, so it didn’t even matter.

25) Finish all the books my coworkers and friends bought for me recently so I can thank them for their recommendations! Status: Broken. So broken.

26) Actually move into my new place instead of leaving it completely undecorated and lifeless. Status: Remarkably, kept. Nothing has plastic on it, unlike at my old house where the nightstand didn’t get unwrapped even after two years of living there lol.

27) Try hard to get Creative Writing into a different area of the general ed. core so that more people will enroll in it. Status: Kept. I’m counting this because I did my darn best, but we are still waiting on the state to tell us whether or not the class will be accepted.

28) Get caught up on my Ebird reports, even the old, old, old ones I never put in because I was slacking. Status: Kept, actually. Whoo.

29) Throw away/return/sort all the stacks of old mail in the house (OMGGGG they’ve made me look like paper hoarder and I’m nootttt). Status: Broken. There’s just… a lot of papers to go through…

30) Clean up the garage before moving so that I don’t have to fight spiders to move when the time comes. Status: Broken, in that I did not clean up the garage in advance and did, in fact, have to fight spiders when it came time to move.

31) Find a way to boost grading productivity so that each class takes only two days to grade, maximum. Status: Somewhat kept. I was definitely better this year than last year; however, I really think the “two days per class” thing was too optimistic, so for the future semester, I allotted myself three days per class and I think it will work better.

32) Go to a totally new restaurant and try their food. Status: Kept. We went to a Mexican restaurant and I had trompo tacos (al pastor) which is probably not anything special to anyone else but it was my first time so lol.

33) Cancel old credit cards to make sure my credit is good before trying to buy a house (although I just checked my credit score and I’m in the great range already, so this is mostly for posterity’s sake). Status: Broken. But it didn’t affect my loan, so I guess it was okay. And it ended up being good I didn’t cancel my Best Buy card because I was able to get good financing on the new appliances I needed for my house.

34) Get official contracts from my tenants so I can use my rental income in my next loan calculation. Status: Broken, but I ended up not using that as part of the loan calculation anyway >_> so…

35) Talk to an HR rep about my retirement savings so that I can consolidate all my retirement accounts into one. (Man, look at all these ADULTING promises.) Status: Broken. Look at me failing all these adulting promises.

36) Really finish decorating my office so it looks super cute and all my students want to visit me. Status: Broken, but I think it sucks that I have to write this because it was really not my fault I couldn’t finish decorating my office. Our offices were all moved and disrupted by building remodels so I spent the entire year basically working out of a couple cardboard boxes.

37) Not sign up for ANY more new responsibilities at work in the spring semester. This is the biggest challenge. D; Status: Kept, by technicality. I was able to avoid signing up for anything new in SPRING… But fall… was a whole other story. XD

38) Migrate all the rest of my books to the new Texas house instead of leaving them in Utah… SOMEHOW. Status: Kept. I’m going to count this as kept. The only books left at the Utah house are my manga—I managed to bring literally every other book, which is very impressive considering I had only my small Camaro with its tiny truck space.

39) Use my twitter account more often to make it worth following. I will try!! Status: Kept… sorta? I mean, since I didn’t use the account AT ALL before, making even one Twitter post kind of counts as using it more, right? >_>

40) Keep my hair cut nicely so I look less like a mess (than I really am). Status: Somewhat broken. Although I think I got my hair cut more often this year than before, I don’t think I looked any less like a mess. XD

41) Successfully find a bridesmaid dress for my friend’s wedding that matches the rest of the wedding party. Status: Actually kept! It was incredible. The wedding I was in was even featured in a magazine because of how pretty it was!

42) Make sure my skin is in good condition for the wedding so I don’t look like a disturbing ghost… Status: Kept? I mean, in the end, looking like a ghost ended up being the whole point since it was a Halloween themed wedding so I kind of won either way.

43) Complete my BNHA manga collection. Since my bro bought me a bunch of the volumes for Christmas, I might as well. Status: Broken… I bought like… one volume. XD

44) See a groove-billed ani. (It’s another type of bird.) Status: Broken. Very illusive bird. T_T

45) Respond to messages, asks, and comments more quickly. I promise I’m not ignoring people… D; Status: Um, broken. I left many people on read this year, sorry.

46) Lose ten pounds so that I feel more fit and comfy. Status: Broken. I didn’t exercise at all this year, uff.

47) Pay down credit card debt by at least 1/3. Yikesssss, I really need to do this quick. Status: Broken. It’s hard to pay down a credit card when you pour all your money into buying a new house…

48) I will finally fucking finish that chapter 73 analysis of Noragami… I swear to god… Status: Broken. Uh yeah. This didn’t happen. V_V

49) Reach 1700 followers on Tumblr. You should follow me—I’m only marginally a waste of time and space! Status: Kept. Over 2500 followers now!

50) I will keep these promises. LOLLLLL. Status: Somewhat kept/somewhat broken. One year I really will keep them all…

 Totals Kept promises: 18 Broken promises: 24 Somewhat kept/broken promises: 8

Well, there are more kept promises than last year at least… It was another really hard year, what with moving in the middle of the year, over-working, dealing with so much drama with the reaccreditation on our campus, and just EVERYTHING all at once this last year… I keep thinking things are going to calm down and then they never do. Please 2020… just let me rest…

My new set of promises will be up on the 1st!

[albionscastle]

First Impressions 12 - California Dreaming

I know it’s taking forever to finish these fics. This whole year has been pretty hard on us financially and with my health.....my anxiety and depression seem to be winning right now but I am fighting them, hard. 

This chapter took me a month to write and I still am not happy with it.

Fic Masterlist

In this chapter, an unexpected meeting brings a lot of feelings to the surface.

FIRST IMPRESSIONS 12 CALIFORNIA DREAMING

LIZZIE

She wanted to be happy for Charlie, she really did and deep down perhaps she was. But she couldn’t help the feeling of betrayal that had hit her the moment he had told her his news.

“I’m moving to Los Angeles, Red, I got an offer that I just couldn’t say no to.”

If she was honest, Lizzie knew just from the look on his face what job he’d taken, but she had at least let him tell her himself. To her credit, she hadn’t yelled, or cried, she wasn’t angry, not even when Charlie mentioned that Colin had been insistent that he had all the right qualifications for the post. Because he did, he had literally gone to school for event planning with a little tourism thrown in for good measure. The “job” that Colin had tried to talk her into was perfect for Charlie and no matter what she thought deep down, she couldn’t justify trying to talk him out of going.

It was 3am on New Years Day and Lizzie had never felt so much like crying. Charlie was asleep in her bed, having spent several hours laying there with her reminding her that he knew how much she hated Colin, how he also knew that he had been the second choice, only asked because Colin knew that taking Charlie away would hurt her. He told her how much he loved her, how he would stay if she asked him to because she mattered more than a job.

She believed him.

So she had swallowed down the pain and told him to go, she was not going to be the reason why he didn’t take a chance to live his dream. For the first time she regretted never having told him what had truly happened with Colin, how bad it had really been. Somehow she had never been able to and to tell him now would have just been an emotional manipulation, and that wasn’t who she was. Charlie would leave, and they had both agreed to act as though it was no big thing, just to piss off Colin.

“You could come with me you know.” this had been whispered several times.

“No, this is what you want Charlie, not me.” she had whispered back. “Besides I would only cramp your L.A style. I’ll come visit though, I promise.”

“Soon, like really soon, Liz. I won’t know what to do without you.”

“You are going to be great, just don’t let Colin bully you. We had to grow up sometime.”

She had said it with a laugh while her heart twisted painfully in her chest, her throat tightening as Charlie had burrowed closer. Growing up sucked, and the lessons never seemed to stop, more than anything she wished she could be 17 again. Back then her only worries had been the SATs and what to wear for junior prom, now it was all huge life altering decisions and feelings that seemed so overwhelming that she just wanted to shrink away and hide.

There was snow falling, heavy and wet and everything outside her window was white and still. Too early for traffic and for the pristine coating to be chewed up by footprints and mud, it was her favorite time of winter. For the first time though, as she looked out and saw the town where she’d lived almost her whole life, she hated it, hated how she felt trapped there, hated that everyone else seemed to be moving forward while she sat still and stagnated. She let the tears come then, fat and wet streaking her cheeks and dampening the front of her shirt. Feeling sorry for herself she wrapped her throw around her shoulders, leaning against the wall and let herself cry for everything, all the things she hadn’t really let herself cry for.

She cried for the girl who’d been all hope and ambition until she let a man take it all away, she cried for the girl curled into a corner trying to protect herself from the fists of that same man, for the daughter who hadn’t been able to tell her parents why and instead had taken on the disappointment of vanished hopes. She cried for all the times she’d been too afraid to change, too afraid to put herself back into the world again, for all the times she’d seen the happy couples in the park and wanted so much to be like them. She cried because she was lonely because she was hurt and tired and because she was wasting her life.

She cried until she was dry and exhausted, swollen eyes unable to remain open as she curled into a ball on the window seat her only escape from the pain being oblivion.

It was still dark when his arms wrapped around her, his body curling in behind her, his breath on her neck. Still mostly asleep she turned in his embrace, burrowing her face into the warmth of his chest, the only place she had ever felt so secure and loved.

“I don’t want you to go, please don’t leave me.” she whispered.

He held her tighter, his breath catching.

“I’ll never leave ye, Elizabeth. I promise.”

No wait, that wasn’t right. Pulling back she tried to focus, confused by the feel of fingers tracing her jaw, lifting her chin to meet his blue eyes in the snowlight.

“I would haf stayed if ye’d asked me, Elizabeth.” he said sadly, his mouth downturned. “Don’t ye know I would haf done anythin fer ye, if only ye’d asked.”

Jolting upward with a gasp Lizzie was met with only empty, cold air and an ice caked window. Her heart pounded in her chest as she tried to catch her breath, fingers feeling for the presence of another human only to meet nothing. It was so real, fuck, how could it have felt so real?

How could it have been him? It was Charlie who was leaving, he was the one she wanted to stay so why the fuck had her exhausted mind conjured up that vision of Jack? She was glad he was gone, had barely even thought about him in the weeks that had passed, except in anger whenever she saw how sad Maya was. How could she have such a dream about the man who she was certain had instigated her sister’s broken heart?

How could she suddenly want nothing more than to fall asleep again just so she could feel that feeling again?

In true Lizzie fashion instead of dealing with the way she was feeling, she buried her head in the sand. The next week was taken up with work and getting Charlie ready for his move to California and she devoted all her energy to making sure he would never know how much she didn’t want him to go. It was exhausting, pretending to be happy, refraining from every conversation being a warning to watch out for Colin. He deserved someone to be excited for him, and not just his Dad, though Mr Lucas was extremely vocal in his happiness for Charlie’s opportunity. Lizzie couldn’t fault him, the only thing that really mattered was Charlie.

Unless of course you spoke to her mother.

Chloe was all smiles and encouragement for Charlie ...in public, privately though Lizzie hadn’t heard the end of it since the news broke. Oh how upset she was that Lizzie had turned down both a proposal and a job offer that would have put her in the world her mother saw fit. Charlie was a good enough boy but he wasn’t her Lizzie and she couldn’t stand Mr Lucas and his constant crowing about his good luck. What was going to become of them all now with Maya dumped and Lizzie intent on ruining them all? Lizzie was just glad that Maya was far enough away not to have to listen to it all and witness her heartbreak paraded around like this.

Colin had been wisely silent on the whole matter, though Lizzie had seen him at least twice at Charlie’s as they packed. It was probably wrong of her but she made sure she ‘inferred’ that Charlie knew everything, and that one false move on his part would bring his castle crashing down. There was a perverse pleasure to be had in the way he blanched whenever he saw the two of them talking and for the first time Lizzie actually believed that there was going to be a time when the mere thought of him didn’t fill her with fear or nausea. Now that he couldn’t bully her anymore he had lost the hold she never knew he’d had, three years of her life wasted being afraid of...that.

“I’ll text you every day and send a million pics.” Charlie was saying as they walked through the airport. “And you are coming the first week of March, I’ll buy the ticket.”

“If you want me there Charlie, I’ll be there.” It was hard to keep from crying as she held his hand and even Mr Lucas looked to be on the verge of tears. “I’ll keep an eye on your Dad too.”

“I think he’ll be fine, he’s only been waiting for me to get my ass into gear and move out so Sarah Long can move in.” Charlie chuckled.

“Since when has that been a thing?”

“Oh about a year, they started taking some class at the Y and apparently sparks flew, it’s better than leaving him alone, he wouldn’t be able to cope.”

Mr Lucas had, about 15 years previously, been struggling with alcohol after his wife had up and left, taking their daughter Mariah. As it turned out she wasn’t his daughter and the betrayal had left the poor man desolate and his then 14 year old son the only functioning adult in the household. Lizzie had been on her way home from school when she had seen the neighbor boy struggling to carry his father into the house and without thinking had gone to help. That day had been the day that her and Charlie had cemented their friendship. There were no questions, no judgement just an offer of a friend and a few meals when she could sneak them past her mother. When Chloe had discovered what her 11 year old daughter was up to she had jumped in and taken control, driving Mr Lucas to a rehab facility and keeping Charlie with them until he was well enough to return. Lizzie’s parents both had made sure the truth about his condition never got out, they’d paid the mortgage and bills so he wouldn’t lose everything and then given him a stern lecture about abandoning his son in drink.

He hadn’t touched a drop since and had become the best father a young  man could ask for, but he had never been without Charlie so it was a relief to Lizzie to find out about Mrs Long, though she was going to have to have a word with her boss about keeping secrets.

It remained to be seen if she would be alright without him, Charlie was her rock and the person who could make her laugh at herself whenever she got too morose, she was going to miss that.

And the hugs, those most of all, so for the last one she held tight, not wanting to let him go. Breathing in the smell of the only person in the world outside her family that she truly loved, Lizzie almost believed that this was the end of everything.

“Remember Red, what we talked about. It’s time to let go and fly.”

Nodding forlornly she let Charlie wipe her tears away.

“I’m only a phone call away, Liz, remember that.”

“Unless you have a hot date.” she tried to joke.

“Even then, I’ll always be on the other end if you need me.”

And then he was gone, leaving her and Mr Lucas crying on the other side of the airport glass.

Leaving her empty.

JACK

He liked Italy, the food, the architecture, the history, the people. If he wasn’t so in love with Scotland he was sure he could be quite happy here, even in the summer. Not that he had much of an idea about how hot the summers might be, but they couldn’t be anything worse than he’d already experienced. Here at least there were some nice hills, a cool stone villa and a pool, for when the weather got warmer. Right now though he sat the window staring at the vista, admiring the beauty and completely ignoring the glass of wine he’d poured himself. The book he was supposed to be reading rested on his lap, opened to the first page and then forgotten as his thoughts had run wild.

It was the dream, he told himself, that stupid fucking dream.

He blamed it on his da, not that he’d ever let him know that, but he’d been a semi wreck since Christmas and all because of that one fucking photo.

And perhaps the many more that’d he’d secretly taken from Elizabeth’s Instagram account.

It wasn’t as if he looked through them every day, he tried to reason, but it was often, too often. With a sigh he noticed a few snowflakes flitting about on the wind, remembering that he’d read a weather report for Chicago saying it was going to be 50 below. He didn’t want to be concerned about Elizabeth, but he was. Would she still go to work in that cold or would she stay cosy in her flat? Would they lose power, was it even safe to go outside? If he was there he would turn off her alarm, call her off sick and make sure they were wrapped up in her duvet watching Netflix all day.

But he wasn’t there.

No-one really was, not for Elizabeth. He knew Charlie had moved to L.A a fortnight before, Maya was still in London so who was there to make sure that his red headed spitfire didn’t do something stupid like shovel snow in Antarctic weather?

It should have been him.

That was the mantra going through his head when he’d woken in the early hours of the morning, tangled in his sheets and filled with misery. It had felt so real, her arms around his shoulders as she hugged him behind. He’d felt her hands under his, felt the fall of her hair over his neck as her mouth brushed his cheek.

“You left me.” she whispered in his ear. “Why did you leave?”

He’d turned to her, to tell her that he was sorry, that he wasn’t going anywhere and all he saw was her fading into shadows.

“It’s too late now.” she whispered before vanishing.

He was afraid to go back to sleep.

It was just a fucking dream.

Elizabeth Bennett didn’t care one bit if he was here or there and that was the truth, no matter what his da said. Attraction was just that, he was sure she’d forgotten all about him as soon as he left, except for a few angry memories. It was him who was sitting here moping, beating himself up over what he could have done differently. To what end? It would have gone the same way except maybe they would have had a few pleasurable bouts in the bedroom before he left town. In the end he still would have ended up right where he was right now, so what was the point of wishing it had been different?

She was different, that was the damn point. Elizabeth had been like a breath of fresh cold air in his lungs, a wake up call to the cunt he’d become. Unlike anyone he’d met before she had been so open, even if that was a bad thing for his ego, not once had she given him an inch when he didn’t deserve it. The woman had been trying, challenging and stubborn, but she’d also been kind, thoughtful, funny and warm. It was those moments that he held close to his heart now, few and far between he now realised that they had been everything. He’d given her no reason to like him or respect him but she had shown him a person who would build him up when deserved and tear him down to earth just as quickly. She had wanted nothing that he had to give, except maybe common friendliness which he’d withheld, his profession, his money...none of it meant anything to her and that meant something to him.

He had fucked up royally.

LIZZIE

When Maya came home Lizzie was disappointed that she’d been unable to get any sort of closure. Except for when it came to Caro. On that subject her sister had a surprising amount to say.

“I feel like such an idiot Lizzie. I can’t believe I actually thought than woman was my friend.” she was stomping around Lizzie’s place, a pint of ice cream in her hand, waving the spoon about.

Lizzie ducked the flying metal, flopping down on the couch with a sigh. They’d been working on Maya’s law school options, as well as her own options when the paperwork for Oxford had come to the forefront. Lizzie had never seen Maya so angry, but she was worried that her sister was going to let her heart rule her head and needed to get her back on task.

“She did a good job of playing the part, May, you really can’t be blamed.”

“She’s a fucking actress! And you saw right through her.”

“In your defence she was a total bitch to me from day one, she was nice to you.”

“Why did she even bother?” Maya muttered miserably. “She made it perfectly clear that she couldn’t stand me when we met up in London.”

“I’m so sorry, May.”

“I mean I can see her being busy and all, but to realise that she ignored all my emails….that just hurt. If I hadn’t run into her at Harrods I never would have seen her.”

“If she wants to be a snobby bitch then let her, she’s got nothing on you.”

“I just, God Lizzie if you could have seen her face when she told me that Tom knew I was there and just didn’t care. It was like she enjoyed it.”

“She did. Look she’s wanted nothing more than to separate you and Tom from the beginning and she’s succeeded, hurting you more is just icing on the cake for her. She’s the sort that thinks she’s better than everyone else and she would stomp on her own mother to get ahead.”

“Why didn’t he want to see me? I just wish I knew what I did wrong.”

Nothing, Lizzie thought bitterly. It was all him, he was the one who’d barrelled into Maya’s life and turned it upside down before ghosting her and leaving her a mess. It was up to her now to help pick up the pieces of what he’d left behind. She would never forgive him for breaking her sister’s heart. Never.

It wasn’t until after Maya had gone to sleep that Lizzie cleared away all the paperwork they’d been working on, seeing the acceptance letter from Oxford. Maya had circled the tuition amount and added a question mark, it was the harder choice but it was the school she’d always dreamed of going to. She left it on top of the pile, it was doable but Maya had refused to even consider it since Tom left and it would be a shame if she let him stand in the way of her dream. Lizzie refused to watch her sister walk the same path she had.

With that in mind she made some tea and sat in the window to watch the snow. February was the worst month for ice and cold and it made everything so miserable. From under the cushion she pulled out the papers she had been working on when Maya had shown up in a tizzy. They were crumpled from being shoved away so quickly but not so much that she couldn’t finish filling them out. If Maya and Charlie’s situations had taught her anything it was that it was high time she looked to her own dreams. She had options, none of which would be cheap, but like she would tell Maya, it was worth it.

There were seven envelopes by the time she was done, tucked away inside a book until she was ready to tell her family what she had planned. It could be that she received seven rejections and she didn’t think she could live with the pity if that happened. Best to wait until she knew exactly what her options were before she started letting people know.

It was tempting to just lay back in the window and sleep with the illusion of snow falling around her but she had been avoiding the window seat since New Years, the dream that she’d had about Jack had unsettled her that much. Something else she was avoiding, she would die before she would admit to how much she’d wanted it to be real, for just a few moments. It hadn’t lasted, it was all too easy to remember all the reasons why the man was a complete jackass, but that dream had felt so real, and she’d felt so good in it. In her most private moments she even admitted to herself that she’d known the moment she’d smelled dream man that it was Jack and not Charlie, and still she’d begged him to stay.

It was fucked up.

What was left of February and most of March was simply spent as it always had been, the weekly dinners, work and navigating the snow and ice outside her door. She took to working concessions for her landlord, everyone in a 10 mile radius came to the movies when the weather got bad, there was nothing else to do. It helped him out and he even paid her, money that she put straight into her savings. Responses to her applications had yet to arrive and she didn’t expect them to for a couple of months, but she was going to save anyway. Shaving down her already limited spending was easy enough, she got rid of her streaming services, her two monthly boxes and sold her car, every penny going to her fund. She could watch any movie in her building for free and the library was a block away. Eating at work whenever she could she cut down on food costs...ice cream was now a luxury item, much to Maya’s disgust. Lizzie was determined though, she’d said it before and been derailed by one thing or another, it was time to face the future.

Whatever that meant.

Right now it meant that she needed to stop procrastinating and pack for the trip she was anticipating and dreading in equal measure. Good to his word, Charlie had kept in touch daily, even though the two months he’d been gone still felt like a lifetime. Which was why she hadn’t said no when he’d offered to fly her out to him the last week in March, even though she knew it would mean she had to see Colin. Charlie still had to work, but according to him he just couldn’t go another day without seeing his best mate. So she’d wrangled the time off work and decided to brush off her worries, they would all still be there waiting when she got back and she deserved a little bit of a break.

It felt strange to have her swimsuit in a bag when there was still a foot of snow on the ground and more expected while she was away. Even stranger was the fact that Lydia hadn’t made a peep about not being invited, even though normally she would have been pouting and moaning for at least a week. She hadn’t even raised a brow which Lizzie found suspicious enough that she asked Maya to keep an extra close eye on her, something was up with that girl. Another problem that would no doubt be waiting there for her when she got back.

However much she thought she had missed Charlie was nothing, the moment she saw him standing in the airport with a stupid sign she had started bawling, clutching at him as though he would disappear if she let go for even a second. There were almost as many tears from him as well and later, as they stood watching the sunset at the beach they laughed about the looks they had gotten as people walked by. Perhaps they had been a little more dramatic than the occasion deserved, but that was them and everyone else could be damned.

The real drama came the next morning, standing in the lobby of the building where Charlie now worked, making plans to meet up for lunch. She had felt the presence of Colin before she saw him and so she was able to compose herself long enough to plaster a fake smile on her face. The woman he was with was stunning, all perfectly coiffed silver hair and a black suit that probably cost more than her car had. The famous Ann DeBourgh if she had to guess. To be honest she looked like a complete snob and to her credit, Lizzie managed not to flush as pale eyes looked her up and down with a measure of contempt.

“ Charles darling, do introduce us to your ...friend.”

It was Colin who butted in, ever the suck up.

“Ann, this is Elizabeth Bennet.”

The way he said her name and the raised silver brow that followed told Lizzie all she needed to know about the impression the woman had of her.

“Ah yes, the Bennet girl. Well Colin I have to say that she never would have done, Charles is much more suited to the position.”

Colin looked smug while Lizzie inwardly seethed.

“What is it that you do again, Elizabeth?”

“I work in a bakery right now, but I’ll be in school for my PhD come fall.”

Colin’s mouth frozen open like a fish made that little white lie worth it, after all she hadn’t actually been accepted anywhere yet.

“Hmmmm, interesting.” Ann murmured. “And how old are you exactly?”

None of your fucking business you rude old bat.

“I’ll be 27 in a few weeks.” she ground out through clenched teeth, looking at Charlie for help.

“All of Lizzie’s sisters are quite successful for being so young. Her sister Maya has been accepted to Oxford.” he supplied proudly.

“Quite a feat considering their background, I’m told.”

Lizzie wondered what the fuck Colin had been saying about her family.

“You mean the fact that we are almost all adopted? We were all babies so we have no background that’s any different from Charlie, or Colin, though perhaps we haven’t had mommy and daddy’s money to help us on the way. I think that actually makes for a far better measure of character.”

Lizzie shrugged her shoulders, loving how red Colin’s face had gotten and the fact that she had apparently rendered the old bitch speechless.

I’ll see you at lunch Charlie.” she hugged him quickly and made her escape while she still had the upper hand, though she was bitter for several more hours.

By the time she was due to meet Charlie she had exhausted her patience with downtown L.A, especially since she wasn’t actually shopping. Everything was overpriced and trendy, a far cry from her interests anyway. It had been pretty cool to see the Walk of Fame and the Chinese Theatre but she planned to head back to Charlie’s apartment as soon as they were done with lunch rather than see any more of the city.

He was late, of course, no doubt due to Colin and Ann, but she was determined not to let them get to her any more than they already had. She ordered a Coke and opened her book, sure he would be along in just a few minutes.

Seeing his jeans out of the corner of her eye about 20 minutes later, she closed her book with a smile ready to playfully scold him for trying to stand her up. Turning in her seat, her laugh died as she came face to face with a pair of very familiar and equally surprised blue eyes.

“Jack!”

JACK

Elizabeth was here! Jack almost couldn’t contain his agitation as he sat in Ann’s office, their meeting going far too long for his liking. He had never liked the woman, but she was the best publicist and agent in the business so he dealt with her when he had to and no more than that. Sadly she happened to be in L.A for the same period that he was filming so he couldn’t avoid her, but he supposed it was better than having to speak to that snake Colin Ryan. Instead he pretended to pay attention as Ann rattled off a bunch of upcoming projects that she thought he might be suited for, knowing she would already have a bloody portfolio and bag of scripts prepared. His mind wandered to seeing Charlie on his way in, the surprise in the man’s eyes when he’d greeted him and the fact that he’d mentioned to one of his co workers that he was meeting his friend from home for lunch.

Which meant of course that Elizabeth was in L.A, perhaps only a few blocks away right now. It was a sign. Why else would she just happen to be visiting the one week he was filming? Perhaps this was his chance to make something happen, to tell her how he felt. All these months of torment on his part could finally be coming to a head and maybe, just maybe he could make her see him. Slowly though, he couldn’t just barrel on up to her and confess his attraction out of the blue, he would have to test the waters first.

The meeting was finally over and Jack bolted out of the office like the devil was on his tail, looking for Charlie. Who happened to be walking toward the same office looking harried and annoyed.

“Jack.” he nodded, checking his watch.

“Late fer summan?” Like lunch with my future girlfriend?

“I’m supposed to be meeting Lizzie for lunch now, but I just got called to a meeting.”

“Deliberately, no doubt.” Jack scoffed, earning a laugh from the other man. “If ye wan, I can go meet her an tell her yer runnin late. Tha way she won’t be waitin alone.”

“Really? That would actually be awesome man, thanks.”

That had been easy, Charlie had told him where she was and Jack had made the walk quickly, anxious to see her. His courage all but deserted him the moment she spied her through the window of the diner, nose in a book and hair glinting in the sunlight. Suddenly his palms were sweaty and his breath was catching in his throat. What did he say? Hello there Elizabeth, I think I’m crazy about ye? Fancy seeing ye here? Pathetic, everything he could think was either mad or sounded like a cheesy pick up line.

“Yer a grown man fer fuck’s sake.” he muttered as he pulled open the door and walked slowly over to the booth where she sat.

She didn’t notice him at first, turning the pages of her book he could see she was engrossed. He stood for a moment beside her seat just watching, trying to figure out what to say when she must have realised he was there. Her head turned, a huge, teasing smile on her face, something he was very surprised to see.

“Jack!”

She sounded a little breathless and he took that as a good thing, especially when the smile stayed in place.

“Hello, Elizabeth.”

He supposed he should explain why he was there.

“Ehm, I had a meetin wi Ann and she called Charlie in as I was leavin. He wanted me tae let ye know he would be along as soon as he can.”

“Oh, ok then. Ummm do you want to sit?”

Another hopeful sign. He sat and ordered a water and for a few minutes they sat in awkward silence. He couldn’t think of a thing to say.

“So what brings you to L.A?”

“Oh, well I’m filmin here fer a week or so.”

“Of course.” she murmured.

He wanted to just stare at her, take her in and just enjoy the fact that she was in front of him again when he’d thought he would never see her again. His fingers itched to brush the curl on her neck that had escaped her ponytail, in fact he just ached to touch her in any way possible, even for a moment.

“Charlie seems tae be doin well.”

A soft smile and a bit of sadness, she missed her friend.

“He does love it here, it suits him much better than Indiana that’s for sure.”

“I think Ann really likes him so that’s good.”

“Mmmm Hmmm.”

“How is yer family?”

“All good, Maya was just in London for Christmas, shame you didn’t get to see her.”

“It is.” Ok now he just felt uncomfortable.

“I’m surprised Caro didn’t mention it, they ran into one another at Harrods.”

She had, in fact, mentioned it quite meanly and with glee. But of course he couldn’t tell Elizabeth that.

“I donna see Caro so there’s been no opportunity I guess.”

That lie didn’t sit at all well and Jack felt his stomach lurch.

Elizabeth was about to say something else when Charlie’s arrival interrupted them. Though he was invited to stay, Jack just wanted to leave, not wanting to feel the jealousy at their open and deep affection. Plus the subject of Maya had soured his mood, and not for the first time he wondered if he had done the right thing. But it had been done and he couldn’t go back and change it, even if he wanted to, which he didn’t. He might be trapped like this but Tom didn’t have to be and he was better off for the severed connection. In fact, Jack thought, it might be best if he himself did the same thing, a clean break, never see Elizabeth again. Or internet stalk her. Or think about her.

Yeah, he laughed bitterly as he walked away, that was never going to happen.

[myendlessempathy]

Why College is Unforgiving

Please read me!

Hello! I am a freshman in college and this is why I cannot stand it. 

I go to a school that is approximately three hours from my home town. This is not the issue at hand. You see, in the beginning of my semester, I was tossed around like a rag doll. My school in particular can be very unfair (and do not @ me and tell me “life isn’t fair), in regards to handling student matters. However, this was my endgame, dream college. I worked incredibly hard to get into to said college. I spent summer of 2018 preparing for the SAT and doing constant schoolwork to where I did not have a summer vacation. I wanted my eligibility to be top-notch. At first it was the SAT scores that were always low, this worried me and my ability to gain access to the college. Little did I know these did not matter to be accepted once you are in. 

The thing about American schools is that they pride themselves on money and the ACT/SAT scores you send in. These bullshit tests have no way of proving your actual potential as a student. Instead you stress over these during your high school years thinking they are the key to getting into a good college. Yes, they’re important but you can still get into a great college without the scores being what the college wants. You can provide other things that make up for the lacking scores such as a good essay or personal statement. 

I digress. Back to the story... I sent in my scores which came out as a low 640 which I was not happy with but I ran out of time to fix it. I also had taken the SAT three times prior so I was well over the early morning testing. Fast forward my acceptance into the college. 

 I had applied for the early decision application (which is a bound app saying you will come to this college is accepted) to be wait listed. This was the first sign this was going to be a rough time. I finally hear from them at the regular decision time; April. I gained acceptance to them around April 4. Now, I think about this from time to time when I’m at my lowest. I worked my ass off to get into this college and if I had not done what I had my results would have been different. My dad and I made at least three different trips to the campus to talk to Admissions and professors. The professor I’d like to credit my acceptance into the college is my German advisor. He vouched for me, writing a letter of rec to the Admissions hoping this will secure my spot. It did and I am forever grateful to him. 

Then shit started to hit the fan when I got my rooming assignments. The dorm wasn’t the problem. It was the roommate. My friend and I had requested to be together but she was an Honors student was placed in their housing dept. I lived with one other girl but we shared a bathroom with two others. I specifically asked in my housing app to not be roomed with someone who doesn’t do drugs. It’s college so whatever. 

It’s roughly September at this point and my well being is decreasing. I felt like I was in high school again; being shunned and ignored by my roommates. The three of them became good friends while I was left out. I was not a partier I simply wanted to get through my first year. If things had been different maybe I would’ve enjoyed parties. 

I eventually went to war with Housing to release me from the contract I was under. I was not doing well and my grades proved it. This was not an easy task to be released from the binding dorm contract. They eventually released me because they failed to find suitable housing arrangements for me. I went off campus. 

This when the bad became ugly and for privacy I’ll keep this short and sweet. This apartment was nice for someone is just starting out. I lived with a few other people and it was honestly a little much for me to handle the more I think about it. Eventually I was released from the lease once someone else came in. As result of housing, I developed chronic stress and panic attacks became more frequent.

I have been living at my home since Christmas break. I was trying to figure out the next steps. I was starting a duel enrollment with a nearby tech school (community, two year whatever you call it). This was to aid me in finishing my gen ed’s. My main college did not offer many gen ed classes online so I took the next best thing; transferable credits. I was working my ass off again with no spring break and constantly busy. I continued to take electives or whatever I could find through my main college online to stay enrolled. Majority of my classes were through my tech school who has been nice to me to say the least. 

Here I am now at the beginning of “summer”. My finals for my spring semester ended about three weeks ago. I am still a freshmen in my main college’s eyes because I didn’t meet the 30 cred requirement. This is not the problem. I was to transfer what I was working on at the other school to make up for it. I was taking two classes over the spring. An English and a History, thinking these would match up to ones over at main campus. Nope. Only one counted. This is not my burden. I didn’t have an issue taking another history, I liked the subject. 

My burden was with the main campus. You see, there was a math class I desperately needed in order to be nearly done with the freshmen gen eds. The only ones I had been missing were Biology and its corresponding lab. I finally managed to grab a spot in the math class for the summer semester. I was very happy. I began tutoring as side work to keep my mind sharp. The main college had a placement test for math classes that needed to be done. This is what I was starting to work on. 

I was finally back on my feet. I had my wonderful K-9 companion to accompany me for the coming fall semester. We were going to live in an one bedroom apt, it was going to be a fresh start. My 100% determination came back full force once I signed up for main campus Biology 101 and its lab. My full intentions were to return to campus for my reckoning! I was in a good spot... Up until about five days ago. 

At this point, I had many classes ready to be taken under my wing. I was a full time student again, with total of 12 credits. I receive an email from my main campus. In the email, it states that I did not meet the requirement for the first year impact contract (which is a stupid contract only for freshmen that supposedly helps guide you in the right direction and etc). I had mitigating circumstances that did not let me finish the other credits to make 30. As result, the main campus pulled my enrollment out from underneath me. I cried a lot. I drank a lot. I sent in the appeal form hoping to regain entry to my “beloved” dream college. My dream college became my worst fucking nightmare. They let me go because they did not help me in the beginning. They also unregistered me from any classes I had (yes, including the math and bio I needed) and giving us the 3k refund that my family just paid three days prior to this email. This is why college is unforgiving. 

The tech college classes remain untouched. I now only have the tech college classes for the summer. My entire plan became ruined by this email and if my appeal is denied then I have to switch schools. I have applied to four-five other colleges that hopefully will be better use of my time and my family’s money. 

This, kids, is why we can’t have nice things and why college is unforgiving. 

[shitthehousessay]

 Alright, it took a day (albeit I haven't really had much of a chance to work on it), but it's finally done. Here's my responses to the 102 questions^^. I probably put too much personal info on this site lol.

I’m doing this on my laptop because of how long it is, but answers are under the cut. Hope you enjoy random tidbits about me!

--Zero (the [other] Ravenclaw)

1. What is their full name?

While I usually use and prefer Zero Ace as an online name, my irl name is Solomon.

2. Zodiac sign

Pisces

3. In detail describe how they look

I'm 5'10" with a build like Shaggy Rodgers. I'm about,,,, less than 120lbs (that's a guess really, it's probably way less or slightly more.). You ever see a cloud? Yeah, imagine one as black wavy/curly hair with red tips (natural, not dyed) that goes to about the bottom of my neck. Brown eyes, half philipino (no, I don't know any of the language), decent moustache, and I've been told by various people that they thought I was a stoner when they first met me.

4. How old are they?

I am 16

5. What clothes to they like to wear?

I don't really have any kind of set style either. I usually just go with whatever's comfy for me.

6. What’s their favorite piece of clothing?

I've got this really soft brown fake leather jacket that my dad got me about two or three years ago that I used to wear consistently, but I'm not sure if I have a 'favorite'.

7. Any piercings?

Nope

8. Do they have any other jewelry they wear?

I wear a Timex Ironman analogue watch that I got at Walmart a few years ago ('twas on sale) and a ring with a part that spins in the middle that I bought in like sixth grade at the Newseum in DC.

9. Any tattoos?

Nah

10. How old are they?

See above

11. What do they smell like?

Idk, disappointment probably

12. What are their four trinkets?

(I'm gonna do stuff on my school backpack for this one) -- I've got a Ministry of Magic keychain, a Pokeball keychain, a Spiderman keychain, and a Ravenclaw house emblem pin.

13. GOVERNMENT MANDATED FERSONA

Roomba with a knife taped to it

14. What kind of magic are they good at?

Accidental Procrastination, aka Time Travel

15. What kind of magic are they bad at?

Luck

16. Of the four, six or seven magical elements which are they most connected to? Four: fire,air water earth. six: fire,air,water, wood,earth, metal. Seven:fire, air, water, wood, earth, metal, aither.

Not sure if this is asking about choosing a single element or a group, so I'm gonna go with water.

17. What does their gateway look like prior to their memory loss? What does it look like afterwards?

(I'm not sure what this is asking)

18. Do they have a familiar? If they do. What type of animal is it? What is it’s name? Is it still around after they lost their memory?

I have an old yellow cat named Iris and he's pretty cool. We share birthdays and he's one year older than me.

19. Have they ever cursed someone?

I have tried and I will continue to try.

20. How do they handle those headaches/migraines?

I sometimes put headphones in and listen to ambience after taking some medicine, but on some of my bad days I just wait for them to pass, even when it takes a few hours.

21. What tarot card do they connect the most with?

I'm gonna be honest: I know next to nothing about tarot cards.

22. Where were they born?

Tennessee

23. What is their favorite color?

Like a light blue or teal. Specifically though? #41A9B8

24. What is their least favorite color?

This is a tough one. I'm gonna go with like a rusty brown

25. Are they right handed, left handed or ambidextrous?

Right handed

26. What were they like as a child?

This would take a while, but I was a little shit, imo. (Also, kinda hard for me to remember specifically rn)

27. What were their parents like?

My dad's okay, he's not the best but he's doing great. My mom? Well, let's just say my opinion of her has always been pretty decent of her up until around when 2018 started.

28. Do they have any siblings? If the answer is yes how many?

Yes, I have three half brothers, two on my mom's side (who I wish would die) and one on my dad's side.

29. Do they have any other relatives they are close with?

I've got a lot of aunts (dad's side) that I consider myself close with, along with a few cousins. There's also my Grandma and Grandpa (dad's side) that I love a lot. I also have a nephew who's about I wanna say 5 or 6 years old who's a blast to hang out with.

30. What are they afraid of?

Spiders kinda scare me. And a few things associated with low self-esteem that I don't want to mention here.

31. What do they identify as?

I am a Demi-Pansexual dude

32. Do they have any allergies?

None that I know of

33. Do they have any other medical problems?

I can't think of any specifics right now

34. What about mental health issues?

Depression and Anxiety both are self-diagnosed though. I'm waiting until after highschool, or until the age where I can legally keep things like those to myself without having to tell my parents, before I go to get them diagnosed

35. What’s that personal hygiene regimen like?

Showers at least once a day, twice if possible. Remember to try to brush your teeth, too.

36. Favorite rock or gemstone?

Amythest because it's my birthstone

37. Favorite tree?

Redwoods are pretty cool

38. Favorite type of weather?

Not too hot, not too cold and sunny and cloudless or overcast and rainy, depending on mood

39. Least favorite type of weather?

The type of cloudless hot day that just saps your energy away like nothing else

40. What is their favorite season? (remember winter is summer and spring is fall)

Winter

41. How many languages could they speak before the memory loss? How many do they currently speak?

English and very broken French

42. Do they sing or play any instruments?

I sing from time to time (albeit not very good) and I have an ocarina that I really want to take time and learn

43. What do they tend to joke about?

Self-deprecation is my go-to, then there's vine humor and some standup, then just nonsense humor (See: bORGER)

44. After a stressful day how do they relax?

Nap a bit, then some music and/or video games

45. Guilty pleasures?

Idk, I can't think of any. Sonic ‘06, maybe is the closest thing that I have to one.

46. idiosyncrasies?

I guess you could list a lot of the usual ADHD stimming methods. I also adjust my glasses from the side sometimes whenever I’m nervous/anxious or when I want to appear confident. Adjusting my watch on my wrist is also something that I do a lot. I know I have a lot more, but :/

47. How do they act when they first meet someone new? How quickly do they warm up to them?

I can be kinda timid and quiet. I usually try to listen in on conversations involving that person/people to try to find somethings that I can remember and use for initiating conversations, especially if it’s with stuff that I know a bit about. It usually takes two or three semi-long times amd well interactions spent with me for me to start being comfortable around other people. I don't warm up too quickly, unless if you can get through my barriers pretty well

48. In what order would they prioritize Love, fame, money, power, and knowledge?

Love, knowledge, money, power, fame

49. List four or more things they love to do

Draw, read, talk with internet friends, play video games, browse the internet

50. List four or more things they hate to do

doing boring and uninteresting school work, being an unnecessary nuisance, hearing about family drama, engaging in school drama

51. List five or more things they have said that sum up who they are

"I'm laughing my ass off rn because the program the state is using for EOC testing was apparently hacked so we aren't testing today, but when my class heard it almost everyone started looking at me and saying I did it." [...] "Meanwhile: I nearly tripped over my backpack"

"Oh good, we get to make memes of stuff in the Louvre for extra credit. Looks like my grade is about to rise drastically."

"I’m gonna go provoke this cult so I can get asks in my inbox"

“I stole this haircut from a lion”

"I have many problems"

52. How do they react to (both verbal and physical) conflict?

I'm a pacifist so I try to stay out of situations like that (They bring up too many negative memories and emotions for me)

53. What kind of bad habits to they have?

I have a lot of trouble with a perfectionist mentality. It gets me into a lot of sticky situations

54. What kind of character faults do they have?

What even is self-esteem/ self-worth/ self-love????? To me, my needs come last. Self-doubt out the wazoooooo. Tons of unresolved shit. That's barely even scratching the surface.

55. What’s their best trait in their opinion?

I try to have a lot of empathy for people and I want to make people happy, even if I’m not happy.

56. What do they think of their appearance?

I like mine, at least a bit.

57. How do they interact with people in a position of authority?

Honestly, it just depends on the person. If the person in question is a dick, you better believe I’m not going to react well to their face.

58. Who did they look upto as a kid?

Mostly like video game characters from games that I played.

59. How do they interact with kids?

I like kids pretty well.

60. Do they want kids of their own someday?

I don't know. I don't think I'm at a point in my life where I can answer that right now.

61. Are they religious? If so what god/goddess or gods/goddesses do they worship?

I'm agnostic

62. What do they think the meaning of life is?

Idk... Maybe... Self-discovery, in a way.

63. What would they want their last words to be?

There are three roads. Maybe omething meaningful, like "Thank you," maybe something vague and prophetic like, "You won't have to wait much longer," or maybe, just maybe, something like, "I'll be back bitches!!!"

64. What do they want to do before they die?

I want to make at least one game and book that people enjoy and that I will be satisfied with

65. What/how do they want to be remembered for after they die?

I would like to be remembered fondly by people who knew me.

66. How do they express affection?

I'm usually very asocial, so if I make an active effort to maintain communication with someone, then they usually mean something to me. I also send memes and stuff. Also, I try to open up a little more around people that I trust

67. What do they normally eat for breakfast?

It usually just depends on how much time I have in the morning. Can range from poptarts to a slice of toast between two pieces of bread to leftover pizza

68. Do they like spicy food?

Yeah

69. Favorite fruit and or vegetable?

Favorite fruit is probably mandarin oranges and my favorite vegetable is probably carrots

70. Do they like sweets?

On occasion

71. Do they drink alcohol? If they do, what do they act like when their drunk?

Nope, but probably like a damn fool

72. How do they take their tea/coffee?

I like sweet ice tea or maybe some herbal tea with a small bit of sugar or honey. As for coffee, I don't usually drink it, but I can drink it pure black or french vanilla

73. What food would they refuse to eat?

Most things that have a weird texture and/or smell

74. Is there anything they eat that most people would find unappealing?

You ever drink just straight sauces? Like A1 steak sauce or barbecue sauce? Yeah....

75. When going on the road what food could they not live without?

I need me some original ritz

76. What meal gives them a sense of nostalgia?

Not sure about nostalgia, but my school sells fresh-made chocolate chip cookies during lunch on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays and I get them a lot when I'm having bad days

77. What do they do when no one’s around?

I sometimes sing and maybe hop around, but I usually just do stuff that I do when people are around (like browse tumblr)

78. How would they react if a prized possession got stolen?

Cry, feel numb, or go ballistic. There is no in-between.

79. What’s the first thing they would buy if they won the lottery?

A better computer, that's for sure

80. What would their favorite modern invention be?

The Nintendo Switch!!

81. In a new unfamiliar place what do they do?

Observe the surroundings from the sidelines before doing anything

82. Someone just threatened them what do they do?

It depends on the situation, but I either brush it off or I take precautionary measures (like a protective order if my life is being threatened)

83. A rather well rich looking woman just dropped her purse and didn’t notice. What do they do?

I might try to give it back.... after I check her wallet and get some cash as an award...

84. What’s the worst thing someone has said to them?

The one that sticks out the most is probably the time when one of my older half-brothers was yelling at me and said that if I ever wonder why people say that I act like a school shooter it's because I act like one most of the time (all this stemmed because I was frustrated over a book recommendation not posting and instead of letting me silently cool down, my mom and brother kept on talking crap about me and I decided to say "Just shut up for a few minutes").

Oh, but there’s also the time when I went with my dad to the divorce case’s hearing to testify against my mom and my brothers and the judge looked at me and said “You’re 16, right? In two  years, you’ll be 18. When I was 18 I was heading to war. So, if you’re gonna cry, go do it somewhere else because I don’t want anyone coming up here and being a crybaby in my courtroom.” That fucking stunned me when he said it.

 85. What is the strangest thing they’ve ever come across?

"can i hear your belly" has to be the weirdest and most unsettling direct message that I have ever gotten from someone who isn't a bot and it haunts me to this day

86. Someone just stole food from them what do they do?

I don't usually eat a lot, so if someone takes food from me I don't really care.

87. They meet a man at a crossroads. The man says they can have everything they’ve ever wanted. What happens next?

I would check to see if there was anything I want to make sure that my family and friends and people who are close to me that haven’t experienced mental illnesses like depression or anxiety to never develop any mental illnesses as long as they live, before anything.

88. As a child what would they say they wanted to be as an adult? ie. When I grow up I’m going to _______

My dream has always been and continues to be to become a successful video game developer and/or producer. I want to help create worlds to escape to when the real world becomes a bit too overbearing.

89. What’s their D&D alignment?

I consider myself a neutral good

90. What is the stupidest thing they’ve ever done?

Oof, that's a long list. Probably entering the crawlspace under my Grandma's house too fast and getting a part of my lower back pretty bad. Boy, did it leave a pretty big scar.

91. Have they ever got in trouble with the law or been arrested?

Nope

92. Do they know how to win a fight?

I like to think so. I'm not going to not play dirty if I feel like I'm in danger. Also try to use the environment to your advantage if possible.

93. Are they good at hand to hand combat?

I dunno. I doubt it, but I haven't really tried.

94. Have they ever stolen something?

I have, but really only minor things and only from people that I hate

95. Have they ever killed someone?

Not yet, :p

96. What/who do they find disgusting?

I can't look at stuff or pictures like decaying stuff (like dead stuff) without gagging

97. What upsets them the most?

Conflict mostly. The thought that I'm bothering people also does it. And I feel odd, to say the least about physical contact.

98. What anime character would they be?

I feel like maybe Fafnir (Miss Kobayashi's Dragon Maid) or either Shinra or Mikado (Durarara!) could fit me.

99. What disney character would they be?

I didn't really know about this one, so I asked a few of my friends and one of them [the one who actually answered my question with an actual Disney character] said that I remind them of Sora from Kingdom Hearts, on the grounds that I've "got a good heart" and I'm "always confused". It was the nicest thing I've heard all week^^

100. What monster would they be?

Knife-wielding tentacle

101. What mythological figure would they be?

Tbh, I don't know enough mythology off the top of my head to answer this question.

102. List three songs that you associate with them.

Hmm.... this one is very tough for me because there are different songs that define different points in my life... As for songs that kinda aren’t bound by specific points in my life, even if I haven’t known these songs all my life, I'm thinking that these could fit the best here:

ECHO (feat. GUMI) by Crusher-P

Simple Life by Fox Stevenson

Canonball (Mythos Remix) from Megaman Zero 3

Anyway, I hope you now know a little more about me now. Do what you will with the information, I guess  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ . It’s really late for me and I’m really tired so I may go ahead and get some sleep for tonight. Have a good one everyone^^ !

[plathwasaperfectionist]

Chances are, if you’re in college, you’re pretty new to living on your own and managing your own money. Especially if you have to pay for things on your own, but even if you’re just making loan money last through the semester, it can be overwhelming. I’ve been paying my own way for almost two years now, and I’ve learned a TON about how to save money, prioritize, and live off more than ramen and bottom-shelf vodka (although bottom-shelf wine is still fine by me). Here are the best tips I have to offer:

1. Cook at home

Meal plans are a rip-off, and ordering food all the time is a waste of money. It’s so much cheaper (not to mention healthier) to buy your own groceries and cook your own meals. Even if you’re in a dorm kitchen with a mini fridge in your room, you can do a lot with some basic kitchen supplies and groceries. I love this website to find recipes--it breaks each recipe down by the cost per serving, so you know exactly how much each meal is costing you. Once you realize you can make filling food yourself relatively easily for a small fraction of what you would pay even at a fast food place, it’s hard to justify the expense. Just tonight I made a huge pot (probably six servings) of three-bean chili for less than 5 dollars total.

(And 1.5. If you commute or have long days, bring food with you. Buy a set of Tupperware with varying sizes (some big enough for salads or soups, some smaller for snacks or sandwiches), and double your recipes so it’s easy to bring leftovers with you to campus every day.)

2. Eat more plant-based meals

Meat and dairy are fucking expensive, and you’ll save money by using less of it or by cutting it out entirely. I’m not talking about buying processed meat-free substitutes because that’s even more expensive. Instead, try using things like grains, beans (dried instead of canned is even cheaper!), or tofu in dishes instead so you can fill up on cheaper food that’s better for you. When you can, substitute frozen produce for fresh to save money too (save the fresh stuff for salads, roasting, or eating raw--those are the only times you can really tell the difference).

3. Stop buying coffee

If you drink coffee daily (I do!), then you should have a coffee machine and make it yourself. A travel mug, real coffee machine (no Keurigs!), and a tub of coffee grounds is way cheaper. At Starbucks/Dunkin/Tim Horton’s you’re paying three dollars a cup for something you could make at home for pennies. Even if you drink lattes/something espresso-based instead of drip coffee, a stovetop espresso maker, milk frother, and a bottle of your favorite syrup works out to be cheaper over time, and you can control exactly what goes into your drink! 

4. Download Honey

Honey is a browser extension that automatically checks for coupon codes/cash back options when you’re shopping online. In my experience, it works everywhere but Amazon (their discount codes tend to be product-specific so the odds are low that you’re buying the exact right thing), but it can net you some pretty major savings with little to no effort.

5. Move the fuck out of your dorm (maybe)

At least at my school, living in a shared dorm room costs literally twice what it costs me to live off campus in a large two-bedroom apartment (my boyfriend and I use the second bedroom as a home office). Also watch out for any school-affiliated apartments that lure you in with amenities like a pool, rec center, or game room--they tend to be even more expensive, and you probably won’t use the extra amenities that often. Do your research, of course, because there are some places with a high cost of living where rent will definitely cost more than the dorms. That said, you’re most likely paying extra for things like cleaning and maintenance when you could easily do that yourself (and not have to share a bathroom with twenty strangers either). Move out, feel like an adult, and thank me later.

6. Take care of the things you have

Even if you’re buying cheaper things instead of investment pieces, if you take care of them they should last a long time and save you money on replacements. All of my furniture is hand-me-downs from IKEA, so when I moved into my current apartment I was extra careful to cover the edges of things made out of cheap particle board and make sure that nothing scratched the paint on my bed frame. Don’t treat anything like it’s disposable--being careless with your things can add up.

7. Thrift stores, dollar stores, and discount grocery stores!

I fucking live for the deals I can find at inexpensive stores like these. Chances are, you have these options near you, but you may not have considered shopping there because your family never did. Keep in mind that just because your parents might be able to afford shopping at Wegman’s or Whole Foods as grown-ass adults, that doesn’t mean your college budget can handle it. Open your mind. Thrift stores are great for clothes (just check for holes, sweat stains, and weird smells and wash before you wear), but they can also have furniture (don’t get anything with fabric, though--stick to all-wooden or metal pieces), kitchen stuff (I got a set of beautiful wine glasses for six dollars one time), or storage containers. Dollar stores are the best place to find cleaning or kitchen supplies, as well as things like Q-tips and cotton balls, paper towels, or little containers to organize with. I would steer clear of the makeup and the food, however. Buy your food at discount grocery stores (like Aldi’s, PriceRite, etc.). While they may not look like the grocery stores you’re used to (at Aldi’s, for instance, they keep the projects in the cardboard cartons they come in to make stocking faster and cheaper), their products are just as good and wayyyy cheaper--I usually pay around $50 for groceries that feed my boyfriend and me for two weeks. If you don’t have a similar store near you, try buying the generic brand of most foods, and sticking to whatever produce is in season--it’ll be cheaper and taste better.

8. Student discounts (obviously)

This is a pretty basic one. I got Microsoft Office for free and a free six months of Amazon Prime (and then a half-priced subscription) with my student email, but you can get discounts at a lot of places. Check this list to see. 

9. Track what you spend and use it to set a budget that includes savings

The biggest thing that made a difference for me was actually seeing what I spent--it was way more than I thought. I hadn’t realized how quickly buying snacks, meals on campus, alcohol, and impulse buys to treat myself could add up. You can use an app like Mint to do this automatically, but I found that using a customized spreadsheet and inputting everything I spent when I spent it kept me the most accountable. I also tracked what category the purchase was (bills/food/entertainment/clothing/etc) and whether it was something I needed or not (groceries and a new pair of basic black heels for mock trial I needed, two new face masks I did not). Once I’d done this for a couple months, I added up all the categories and made a monthly budget for myself, making sure to budget some money for savings and restricting each category some, but not too much. If I didn’t let myself spend some money on makeup, books, or meals out, I’d go crazy--budgeting a small amount for “extra” stuff will keep you on track to save money, but without feeling overly restricted.

10. Credit card points and cash back

If you still use a debit card for everything, get a credit card. Having some kind of credit score is so important for everything from getting approved for loans to renting your own apartment. Just make sure that you’re paying it off on time, not letting a balance roll over from month to month, and not using more than a third of your credit limit at any time. Not only will you build credit, you can also earn cash back or airline points on purchases you’d be making anyway.

11. Take advantage of your school’s perks

I was paying four dollars a day to take the metro to and from campus, which doesn’t sound like much, but it adds up over time (I have classes three days a week this semester, so that’s almost fifty dollars a month at minimum). Recently, I realized that my school has a shuttle that comes once an hour close to my apartment--all I have to do is leave ten minutes earlier every day, and I save fifty dollars a month just by using what my school offers. The same principle applies to things like your school’s gym, free food at events, free coffee or tea on campus, services at your career services office, or even the student health center. It’s included in your (probably way too high) tuition anyway, so you might as well use it and not waste the money!

12. Find dupes

I was obsessed with the trio of serums Glossier released a few months back, but the set cost $65, so I held back. I’m so glad I did, because I found this skincare brand called The Ordinary, which sold serums with basically the same chemical composition for less than $10 each (some for around $5-6). They also come in larger bottles, and I was fucking sold. I’m a sucker for Glossier’s aesthetic, but I’m also broke as hell. If you’re interested in the specific dupes, here are ones similar to Super Bounce, Super Glow, and Super Pure. (ELF’s eyebrow treat and tame is also basically the same as Boy Brow--you’re welcome). So many products in the beauty/skincare realm are marked up simply because of their brand name, and it’s worth looking around for similar things at lower price points--especially when it comes to skincare, if you know the active ingredients in a product it’s easy to find something similar without the gimmicks.

13. Figure out whether you find it harder to spend with cash or card

...and then start carrying that one with you. Most people find it easier to spend on a card than to hand over cash, because you’re limited to the amount you have and you can physically see it leaving your hand. I find it easier to spend cash because I check my bank balance often and I only see card purchases reflected there--for me, it’s easier to hand over cash and forget about a purchase. Figure out which is harder for you to spend on and use that method as often as you can. Leave the other one at home. If you need more limitations, either only bring a certain amount of cash with you or transfer most of your money into savings and keep a low balance in your checking account--you can’t spend more than you make available to yourself.

14. Be prepared to do weird and/or creative things

Ultimately, how you save money depends on what you spend on. I don’t have laundry in my building, and it would cost me six dollars per load to do it across the street (the only laundry machines that are close enough to my building). So, I bought a little $50 hand-crank washing machine and a clothes rack, and I wash my clothes by hand in my bathroom and air-dry them. I also grow things like lettuce and basil in my kitchen windowsill. Be creative, and don’t spend money on things unless you have to.

[myaekingheart]

Rules: answer all questions, add one question of your own and tag as many people as there are questions.

I was tagged by @alittlenarnian! Thank youuu ^_^

I’m just gonna do everyone a favor here and put this all under the cut because I thought way too deeply into pretty much every single one of these questions and I’m not gonna subject everyone to scrolling past all my nonsense.

1. Coke or Pepsi: I don't know, probably coke? I don't drink a lot of soda but I've always been a big fan of orange soda, myself. Or that one kind in the Coke place in Epcot c:

2. Disney or Dreamworks: I love both but I'm gonna have to go with Disney. It's had more influence over me, and I feel like most of the movies have way more than heart than a lot of what Dreamworks puts out (aside from HTTYD and Rise of the Guardians and the original 2D stuff like Spirit).

3. Coffee or Tea: Tea. Coffee makes me sick.

4. Books or Movies: This is hard because I love both so much but I'm gonna have to go with books. I love the visual beauty of movies but on the other hand, nothing compares to the feeling of pages between your fingers and that high you get from looking at words when you read a book, and the way you can imagine everything exactly as you want and no two personal renderings are ever exactly the same. That's cool. I like that.

5. Windows or Mac: Windows.

6. DC or Marvel: I've never been huge into the superhero scene but I'm gonna have to go with Marvel (though if it was a choice, I'd definitely pick The Incredibles universe).

7. X-Box or Playstation: Tough call but I'm gonna have to go with X-Box.

8. Dragon Age or Mass Effect: Dragon Age.

9. Night Owl or Early Riser: DEFINITELY night owl. I can't get up early for the life of me and when I do, I'm in a constant fog.

10. Cards or Chess: Cards because they're more flexible. You can play tons of different games with cards-- Go Fish, Solitaire, Old Maid, Blackjack. Chess is just chess. It's not as portable as a deck of cards, either.

11. Chocolate or Vanilla: Chocolate.

12. Vans or Converse: Converse.

13. Lavellan, Trevelyan, Cadash, or Adaar: No idea what any of that is tbqh

14. Fluff or Angst: Little bit of both never hurt anyone. All about balance, amirite?

15. Beach or Forest: Tough call but I kind of have to go with forest, actually??? Like don't get me wrong I adore the beach, it's gorgeous as all hell, but at the same time, it's like every time I go to the beach it's always super windy and crowded and you're either freezing cold or scorching hot and then you get sand in weird places. I kind of like the close-knit spaces of the forest and how close to nature I feel when I'm there, like on nature trails and stuff. I like all the trees looming over me-- they make me feel safe-- and the different flowers and creatures all around and all the different pathways you can take. It always feels like an adventure.

16. Dogs or cats: I love both but I lean a little bit more towards dogs just because I've grown up with them all my life. I like how you can rough-house with dogs (big dogs, anyways) and they'll just flop over and love on you. Cats never liked me but now that I've spent more time around them, they've really started growing on me more.

17. Clear skies or rain: Rain. Definitely rain. Nothing makes me happier than those days when you can just curl up on the couch in your pajamas with a bowl of soup and a movie marathon and the sky is all dark and there's a steady rain beating on the roof, maybe a little thunder and lightning, and you just snuggle close on the couch in a giant blanket and just ugh it's the absolute best and I adore it.

18. Cooking or eating out: I can't really cook for the life of me but if I had to choose, I'd pick cooking over eating out just because making food is better than putting on pants to go out someplace and eat. I don't always feel comfortable eating out anyways, for whatever reason. And at least when you (attempt) to cook something, not only do you get food but you also feel the accomplishment of having made something that tastes good (hopefully) and has a purpose.

19. Spicy food or mild food: I never used to be like this but spicy food has grown on me so I'm gonna pick that. I can only handle so much kick but I definitely enjoy how flavorful spicy food is over blander stuff.

20. Halloween/Samhain or Solstice/Yule/Christmas: UGH THIS IS SO HARD BUT I'M GONNA HAVE TO GO WITH CHRISTMAS. I adore Halloween just because it gives me an excuse to dress up where I'm not considered a geek, but then again I dress up year-round and kind of stopped giving a fuck what people think about it. Christmas is great, though. You get good food and lots of presents and can spend time with people you love and there's lights and happiness everywhere and great excuses to snuggle up on the couch with bae. Fills me so much warmth <3

21. Would you rather forever be a little too cold or a little too hot: A little too cold because at least that way I could always put on cozy socks or snuggle up in a blanket. If I'm too hot, there's only so much I can do and a finite number of clothes I can shed before I'm passed out on the tile ass naked with the refrigerator open.

22. If you could have any superpower, what would it be: Invisibility. I answered that really, really quickly but hey, it's not a sin to know what you want. So yes. Either invisibility or forcefields. Or both. Both is good. Invisibility would be great so I could sneak around or bypass awkward confrontations but at the same time, I'm very much a wallflower so it's kind of like I'm invisible already. Forcefields, on the other hand, could be really beneficial because I like my personal space and if anyone's coming too close, I can just be like *boop* nope-ity nope nope. I think the biggest benefit from forcefields, though, would be blocking myself from the wind. There is nothing I hate more than wind and if I could find any way to barricade myself from it so it wouldn't have to inconvenience me from doing what I need to do, that would be stupendous.

23. Animation or live action: Ugh this is a hard one and I don't know if I have a really definite answer for this one. It honestly just depends. Animation is a beautiful medium that I adore but some things are far more suited for live action. I guess if I had to choose, though, I'd go with animation since I feel like live action, at least in big budget fantasy, adventure, sci-fi, and action movies, are all animated to a degree anyways (I seriously miss the days when special effects makeup was still a big thing instead of the way everything's been these days, where everything is just computer generated. Not that CG isn't beautiful but I just miss the tangibility of special effects and prefer it over the painterly and sweeping CGI, though I mean there is a time and a place for both I suppose).

24. Paragon or Renegade: Again, no idea what that is.

25. Baths or showers: Showers. I'm too antsy to take baths anymore. Plus you can't take books in there unless you're deliberately trying to ruin them.

26. Team Cap or Team Iron Man: Team Cap.

27. Fantasy or Sci-Fi: Fantasy

28. Do you have three or four favourite quotes, if so, what are they: "I'd rather be hated for who I am than loved for who I am not" - Kurt Cobain (This was actually my senior quote in high school, too :D) "It'll all be okay in the end. If it's not okay, it's not the end" (I honestly which I had a credit for this) "You're braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think" -AA Milne "How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard" -AA Milne (again) Basically all of AA Milne's quotes, even if I haven't heard them yet, I instantly love, okay?

29. Netflix or youtube: Tough call but youtube mainly because I don't have Netflix and youtube does not cost me money. Sure, you can't get full episodes most of the time but oh well.

30. Harry Potter or Percy Jackson: I've honestly never really been into either? My GSP class did a Greek mythology unit and we had to read The Lightning Thief and I just could not get into it whatsoever. If I had to choose, I guess I'd say Harry Potter solely because even though the Harry Potter series itself never really interested me all that much (I've only read and seen the first three but I could never get past the puke scene in the second one without nearly vomiting myself), I have to admit that Fantastic Beasts looks incredible and really captured my interest.

31. When you feel accomplished: When I get shit done, pretty much. I procrastine a lot but when I finally crack down on myself and make myself write that paper or that next chapter or get those supplies for that one cosplay or anything like that, I instantly feel prouder of myself for actually doing things rather than dreaming of them.

32. Star Wars or Star Trek: Again, I never really got into either but I'd have to go with Star Wars just because I know more about it and because Harrison Ford reminds me of my dad and that makes me happy.

33. Paperback or Hardback: Hardback. Paperbacks are great and all but there's something special about hardback books. They feel classic.

34. Horror or rom-com: Rom-com. Horror is good in small doses but gooey, sticky-sweet rom-com is like those strawberry candies you find at your grandma's house that you could always stand to have more of.

35. TV shows or movies: Ugh that's a tough call, too. On one hand, a lot of time and effort goes into movies but then TV shows are a little more digestible sometimes just because they're shorter increments but you get more out of it because it spans a much longer period of time and you can really expand on a story more in a show than you can in a two hour film. So I guess maybe both??? Can I do that? Can I pick both? Because I know if I try to bargain with myself to make a dead-set decision here, we're gonna be sitting here all night watching me go back and forth about this.

36. Spotify or Pandora: I don't use either so I don't really have a preference. I just like using the music I've downloaded onto my phone.

37. Zootopia or Inside Out: Zootopia because police.

38. Favourite book: The Chronicles of Narnia books by CS Lewis, hands down. I've read a lot of great books but no matter what, I always find myself coming back to Narnia. It's like a permanent part of my soul that just breaks down the door whenever I forget about it and forces itself back into my life.

39. Favourite flower: I really love red roses because they're just so romantic and red is my favorite color.

40. What field of study are you in (or aspire to be in): I'm working towards getting a bachelor's in creative writing so I guess you could say my field of study is English? I wanna write shit.

41. Song lyric you really love: Oh god, I have a lot but okay, here goes. "I am a princess on the way to my throne destined to reign, destined to rule"- Can't Take It In by Imogen Heap (off the LWW soundtrack) "If you wanna break these walls down, you're gonna get bruised"- Castle by Halsey "If your stomach feels weak, then my work here is done" The Words Best Friend Become Redefined by Chiodos "Another cog in the murder machine"- Teenagers by My Chemical Romance

42. What’s your MBTI type: ISFP

43. What is your zodiac sign: Taurus

44. Where is your favourite place to go: My boyfriend's place because anywhere where he is is home and I love spending time with him no matter where we are or what we're doing.

45. Favourite stuffed animal as a kid: Okay, so this doesn't really constitute as a "stuffed animal", so to speak, but when I was a kid, I was incredibly attached to this baby doll my mom's mom had bought for me when I was born. I named her Baby Doll (real creative, I know) and took her everywhere with me, and slept with her every night for way longer than I'd like to admit. I loved her to pieces and still do, actually, but in a different way now than I did back then. When I was little, I was in love with her the same way I imagine a mother loves her child because to me, she was like my kid. Nowadays it's more like I love her because of all the joy she brought me as a kid and all the memories I made with her. I actually still have her and she hasn't fallen apart (completely) yet. Her painted facial features on her plastic head have started to fade a little bit and her the stuffing in her plushie body has already gone kind of limp and flat and her little outfit has turned gray (I think I tried burying her in the backyard once and she never recovered??? I accidentally dropped her in a river over the edge of a boat once, too. The kid's been through some shit, alright?) but I still look at her and see the same doll I was so grossly in love with and attached to when I was a little girl and I love that a lot.

46. Favourite icecream flavour: It's a toss-up between mint chocolate chip, which was my first ever favorite ice cream flavor, and chocolate chip cookie dough. Neopolitan is pretty great, too, for when I want the classics but can't decide on just one.

47. Chanel or Gucci: I could honestly care less about either but if I had to choose, Chanel just because Coco Chanel was pretty cool.

48. What’s your hogwarts house: Hufflepuff

49. Who’s your celebrity crush: Oh damn, here we go. Here's opening a can of worms you don't want to get me started on. I have a couple but the biggest and longest running is without a doubt William Moseley and there's a long and funny story behind this. Okay, so when I was in second grade, we read The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe as a class and did project assignments on it and shit (one of which I distinctly remember was that we had to draw a scene from the book so I chose the White Witch on her sleigh but for some reason the word "sledge" made me instantly think of "ledge" so it was basically a really shitty drawing of the White Witch flying through the sky on one of those construction beams??? It was really freaking weird, man). We watched the BBC version in class and I remember as the credits were rolling, my teacher shut off the TV screen and announced to us that Disney was releasing it's own version of the movie that Christmas so when the time came around, I had my mom go take me to see it because I liked the book enough to buy an entire boxed set at the next book fair and have always been a Disney freak so I was like "Let's fucking do it." So we went to the theater and I was having a good time enjoying myself and whatnot and then the battle scene came and I was honestly so thrown for a loop. Here I was, little eight year old me, terrified of how intense it was. I was shaking and horrified and I dragged my mom out of the theater. It was awful. I almost didn't go back to see it again but I felt unsatisfied having not seen the rest of the movie so I had her take me back, determined to sit through the entire thing this time. I still ended up covering my face during the battle scenes but when I finally did peek through my fingers, there on the huge silver screen was none other than Peter freaking Pevensie slaying a bunch of poor unfortunate souls and looking like a sexy mofo in the process. Instant heart eyes. And so the madness began. I kept it a secret for a little while before one day, my parents and I were at one of the Disney resorts (it was either the Beach Club or the Boardwalk Hotel, I don't remember which-- it was whichever one that has Cape May Cafe because I think we ate in there for dinner or something). At the front desk, they had those Disney Adventures mini magazines and so I got a free one and guess who was on the cover for that month? William freaking Moseley. There was an interview on the inside, too, that I thought must've been fate because it was smack dab in the middle and there was a cardstock ad right between the two pages so you could easily flip to the thing. The whole thing about my crush got out among my friends at school pretty quickly (when I told them, for a second they thought I had a crush on a kid in one of the other classes named Peter) and the Narnia thing just kind of took off. It waxed and waned over the years but the biggest comeback wasn't until eighth grade. I was on Thanksgiving break and my parents were flipping through the channels when they found Prince Caspian on TV. By then, I had kind of forgotten about Narnia and was like "Oh yeah, I remember this movie! I loved these movies!" and so I sat down and watched the rest of it and that's when everything came flooding back. I spiraled into a pit of insanity and quickly gained a reputation as "that Narnia girl." My freshman year binder was a Narnia shrine with William Moseley pictures pasted all over it. I followed him on social media (which wasn't as big a thing before) and dreamed about him constantly and thought any and all little coincidences were proof that we were meant to be together (even if he is ten years older than me). But I mean, I was a kid. What the hell do I know? Things actually ended up getting a little too far, though. When I found out William Moseley had started dating his Run costar Kelsey Chow, I was 110% heartbroken. Like, I was watching Prince Caspian the one night and just broke down in hysterical tears during the end credits because oh my god we would never be together now and I was so jealous that she was dating him and not me. It was honestly probably getting a little unhealthy so that's when I decided to end the entire Narnia thing once and for all because I had spiraled far too deep and needed to separate myself from the concept. I took a few long years away from the thing before cautiously getting sucked back in about a year and a half ago, I guess it was. I didn't want to get back into Narnia, initially, because I knew that would mean reacquainting myself with the whole William Moseley thing and I didn't want to spiral back into that pit again. I felt like a recovering alcoholic getting invited to a bar. I wanted to go, but I didn't want to relapse. I guess in a way I sort of did for a short period of time there? This time I was more cautious to separate the character from the actor, though, and so far it's been doing pretty well. The only time I almost slipped was when I was this close to being an extra in The Little Mermaid and meeting him, but it didn't work out because school got in the way of my traveling to Savannah for the filming. My heart still hurts a little bit seeing that carnival scene and knowing I could've been one of the faces in that crowd. But anyways, yeah. I think it's safe to say William Moseley was definitely my biggest and probably my most detrimental celebrity crush??? It's all water under the bridge now, pretty much. I still have the Narnia fanfics but I'm not as overwhelmingly gaga for him as I once was now that I have my own boyfriend and life is great. I realize now that this explanation was probably way longer than it needed to be but oh well. Whatever. It was worth typing all out.

50. The Chronicles of Narnia or Lord of the Rings: The Chronicles of Narnia. Lord of the Rings is good and all but I kept zoning out during the movies and never dared to read the books (TOLKIEN, YOU SPEND LIKE FIFTEEN PAGES DESCRIBING ONE TREE. COOL IT, BRO). I think the above explanation shows how pretty obvious the Narnia bias is here, though.

51. In the car, radio or phone playlist: Phone. I never get the aux cord but when I do, it's a lot of alternative rock. I have lots of playlists for different moods or themes, though, like one of all songs that remind me of my boyfriend in some way, calming songs, "fuck yes" songs that make me wanna headbang and break a window, shit like that. Plus, phone playlists are portable so that's nice.

52. Favorite Disney Princess? Rapunzel! She was the first princess I really felt a strong connection to and I honestly wish I would've had her in my life as a little girl. I will forever be a massive Tangled nut, though, and literally nothing feels better than being able to run around dressed as my favorite princess and living out my dreams. I feel so free and overwhelmingly happy when I cosplay Rapunzel. She's like my happy place and a lot of the time, I find myself having to pry myself away from her sometimes so I can give attention to my other cosplays. Like a super strong magnet, though, I always gravitate straight back to Rapunzel. I will never not love my beautiful little sunshine princess <3 <3 <3

Tagging: no one because this was way too long and I sure as hell am not tagging 52 people. Do it if you want to but I'm not recruiting half a hundred people to fill out these questions that I thought way too much about.

[tulsatrot]

I can now check of two events from my “life to do” list. The first, being in France during Bastille Day. Second, attending a part of the Tour de France in person. Check and check.

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Cruising Around the Rhine River in Strasbourg

Strasbourg

July 14th was a free day, so a CLE group traveled to Strasbourg for the day. This required being awake and waiting at the bus stop by 6:45. I made up the three extra minutes of sleep by cooling trotting to the waiting bus. A cool trot falls directly between a full sprint where one looks like a dork and a leisurely walk where one would seem rude.

Once in Strasbourg, we dodged raindrops boarding the bateau mouche to explore Petite France, the old town center. Following the boat ride, I had a creppy lunch next to a really large keg of beer that was twice as tall as me. The creppy lunch consisted of a crêpe filled with meat and cheese, and a side plate of mozzarella and tomatoes. Actually it was fantastic. The rest of the afternoon was spent rambling downtown under the German influenced architecture.

Inviting Friends Over?

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“Please Don’t Pee! This is a Store, Not Your Toilet!”

Pull Out the White Flags

The bus returned and from there I headed to downtown Besancon with classmates to celebrate Bastille Day. Like alot of national holidays, people like to go out to eat, and Besancon wasn’t any different. Thus, our reservationless asses were shit out of luck trying to find a table. After a dozen attempts at various restaurants, we had to grab something from the local kabob eatery, of the fast food lineage, duck into a covered alley for protection from the rain that fell for the next 30 minutes until the fireworks started. But while huddling in the alley, dining on gourmet kabobs, we decided to find a better place to enjoy Bastille Day, back at the dorms.

As we tramped back through the rain and festivities, French teens find this the time of the year best to fully express themselves, with fireworks. These pubescent humans found it quite funny to throw them directly at each other. One happened to be thrown directly above my head, not so funny ye may think, but no need to worry, my face is still fine, or at least as fine as it’s going to every be.

As fate and life in general would have it, we were diverted from the dorms to another locale that exists in every corner of the globe, an Irish pub. Thus I spent the national French holiday in an Irish pub with a group of Irish students. As the ever so wise Alanis Morissette stated, quiet ironic don’t ya think.

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Those Sales Techniques Worked

Such a Character that Mathieu

Tour de No Pants is More Like It

Fortunately, I didn’t seek out the Tour de France, it came to me. For those of y’all who don’t follow athletes in lycra, this is the July event where 160 or so cyclists jump on a bicycle and race around the country trying to finish in the shortest time possible so they can wear a yellow jersey. This yellow jersey fits pretty snuggly, obviously a European fit I would say.

Undoubtedly, the Tour de France brings a dlot to the table, marketing teams from global conglomerates, huge purses for Tour winners, and cycling enthusiasts from around the globe. These visitors from all over the world may be even more interesting than the actual race. The day of the race down at Pont Canot, a prime spot in downtown Besancon atop of the bridge to watch the cyclists fly by. People waited two to three hours. I waited 50 minutes. Leading up to the peloton’s arrival, team cars, advertisements floating on trucks, and stores on wheels hawking Tour de France paraphernalia passed us and . . . interesting characters.

There was one particular character one might expect to see on New Mexican streets. A rather rotund guy wore a three sizes too small green Gatorade jersey with pink tights and boots. Let’s call him Mathieu, because he obviously was French singing various chants in French to get everyone excited. He entertained instead. He laid in the middle of the road posing for paparazzish photos. Since he didn’t get an arousal out of the crowd, he felt it necessary to just pull down his pants and swing his little French baguette. Unfortunately, he distracted everyone on the other side from the passing cyclists. Just kidding.

Then the Tour de France arrived. Amazing to experience and see great athletes for a minute. As long as people waited for the cyclists to pass, between one to three hours, the show was brief. It was the athletic equivalent of sitting at Disney World for an hour to ride a 45 second ride.

Here Comes the Leader of the Tour de France Pack

Alright, time for bed. Up next, the tourist magnet known as Luxembourg.

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Here Comes the Leader of the Tour de France Pack

Never Lose Out on an Opportunity to Sell Something

River Cruising Strasbourg

One Lucky Yellow Jersey Winner

Notre Dame of Strasbourg

The Rhine River in Strasbourg

Inviting Friends Over?

Notre Dame of Strasbourg

Thrilling Boat Ride

“Please Don’t Pee! This is a Store, Not Your Toilet!”

Looks Like a Gingerbread House

Anticipating the Arrival of the Tour de France

Among the Masses in Besancon

Those Sales Techniques Worked

Such a Character that Mathieu

Cruising Around the Rhine River in Strasbourg

Only Cyclists Allowed!

Petite France

Proof

Tour de No Pants I can now check of two events from my "life to do" list. The first, being in France during Bastille Day.