#thread : zombieland

[charnelhouse]

I know this is self indulgent AF and probs you won’t even want to get to this when we’re all still howling at the moon about zombieland Joel but I would really love to know about the happy ending him on the farm 💕💕

A/N: Joel Miller x F!Reader. Oral. Age gap but not defined.

Joel tastes her at blue dawn. The pale threads of morning slipping beneath the wooden shutters of their bedroom. He can smell winter outside–pine and burnt wood. The smoky bite of last night’s fire touching the corners of their bed. 

“Shit,” she whimpers, fingers caught in his hair. She fists it hard when Joel licks deeper. Her knees digging into his ears, her hips bucking beneath his chin. He may be older, but he still knows how to get her off.

He introduces a finger and then a second. He marvels at how hot she gets, the interior of her body swelling with a fever that makes her sweat and ache and sing Joel Joel Joel.

He thrusts to the knuckle before curling them strategically. She moans.

“That’s it, baby,” he says before pressing an indulgent kiss to her inner thigh. “Ride it out.”

There was a time before when they were only violence. He remembers her covered in blood and fueled by survival. It’s aged her in a way. She’s still beautiful, but marked. A scar slithers down her belly and Joel catches himself stroking it more often than not. 

Remember when I almost lost you? Remember when you saved me? Remember. Remember.

“God,” she cries out when he fucks his fingers up. He twists his hand so he can press his thumb to her clit and she’s soaked. It’s all wet between her thighs and she can go on like that forever. It’s that youthful energy matched with how in tune she is with him. It is like they’re made of the same material though sometimes he feels unfit to claim her or care for her like this. 

You should find someone your own age. Someone who isn’t growing so old so fast. 

Say that again and I’ll kill you, Joel.

He worries about her. He worries about what she’ll do if he dies or if he can’t get around, as well. 

Then I’ll protect you. Make up for all the times you kept me safe. 

You’ve saved me plenty, honey. 

He moves up her body, bracing one arm beside her head while his hand continues to work her into a frenzy. Her lips part, a sheen of sweat glossing her brow. He grins down at her, studying the way her expression wrinkles as he drives her toward pleasure.

“Look at me,” he orders and, immediately, she opens her eyes. She stares back at him, lashes fluttering as she makes a hungry, low noise at the back of her throat. “Good girl.” 

He feels her come around his fingers, clenching in soft, hurried spasms. He keeps his fingers inside her, slipping them deep before drawing them out in slow strokes. She’s dripping and he slides easily. Finally, she seizes his arm, nails biting into his flesh. 

“Too much?” he asks and she nods, mute and overwhelmed. 

“I think you could go again,” he argues before he’s climbing back down to the end of the bed. He presses his face against her, licks a stripe up her cunt that makes her shiver. She pulses like an irregular heartbeat. “Joel,” she sighs. 

It’s music to him.

[novamariestark]

DBF!Tallahassee x f!reader (AU)

Summary: When you find out your boyfriend has been cheating on you for a year, you go to stay at your dad's place only to find his best friend there, dog-sitting.

Warnings: Smut, possible cringe cus i still suck at smut, oral (f receiving), PIV, age gap, rough sex, use of pet names (baby girl, daddy) 🔞 18+

Word count: 3159 (This one is longer than I expected)

Fandom: Zombieland

Pairing: DBF!Tallahassee x f!reader (AU, no apocalypse)

[A/N] This one seemed like a good idea at the time, but now I'm about to post it and I think it's bad 😭 but Imma post anyway.

You couldn't believe it. It had been sudden, like a rug yanked out from under your feet. You had just returned home from a long day at work, a day that was filled with stress and deadlines. All you had wanted was to unwind and cuddle up to the person you loved, Liam.

You entered your shared apartment, feeling the weight of the day still pressing down on your shoulders. You dropped your bag on the floor, let out a deep sigh, and called out for Liam. No answer. You frowned, wondering if he had gone out to grab some groceries or was perhaps taking a shower. You decided to make yourself a cup of tea while you waited for him.

As you stood in the kitchen, waiting for the kettle to boil, your gaze wandered over to Liam's phone, which was charging on the counter. It was then that you noticed the screen had lit up with a new message notification. Curiosity got the best of you, and your eyes fixated on the screen. The message read, "I'll come over when she's asleep."

Your heart raced as you re-read those words. Your initial reaction was to dismiss it as some kind of inside joke, something you just didn't understand. But the sinking feeling in your chest refused to be ignored. You knew you had to investigate further. Your hand trembling, you reached for Liam's phone, and without thinking, you unlocked it. Your heart pounded, threatening to break free as you opened the message thread.

What you found was a string of messages that unveiled a heartbreaking truth. It was a conversation with a woman named Emma, a name you had never heard Liam mention. The messages painted a vivid picture of an affair that had been going on right under your nose. Your stomach twisted in knots as you read the sexual exchanges between the two.

You felt a rush of emotions coursing through you – anger, sadness, disbelief, and a deep sense of betrayal. How could the person you had loved and trusted more than anyone else have been unfaithful to you?

Tears welled up in your eyes as you scrolled through the messages. You felt your world shatter, and it was as if the ground beneath you gave way.

Your mind raced with questions. How long had this been going on? How had you missed the signs? And the message that had initially caught your attention – "I'll come over when she's asleep" – it was an indication that not only did the betrayal take place right in your own home but you were actually there. Sleeping. It was too much to bear.

There you stood in the kitchen, holding his phone in your trembling hands, the kettle behind you whistled, but you didn't move. You couldn’t. The hot tears streamed down your face as the truth continued to sink in.

***

Your hands were still trembling as you stood in the kitchen. Your heart felt heavy, and your mind was a swirling pool of emotions. The kettle behind you whistled impatiently, its shrill sound piercing through the deafening silence of the room. But you barely noticed it.

Moments later, you heard the soft click of the bathroom door, followed by the patter of Liam's bare feet on the tiled floor. He emerged, wrapped in a towel, his hair still damp from the shower. His face broke into a warm, unsuspecting smile when he saw you, who, in that moment, was like a deer caught in headlights.

"Liam," you finally managed to say, your voice quivering. He raised an eyebrow, his smile faltering as he sensed the gravity of the situation. The air in the room grew thick with tension as you held up his phone, displaying the damning messages.

"What's this, Liam?" you asked, your voice breaking with a mix of anger and hurt. "Who's Emma, and why is she saying that she'll come over when I'm asleep?" your eyes bore into his, seeking answers that you dreaded to hear.

Liam's eyes widened, and the color drained from his face as he realized what he had walked into. Panic and guilt flashed across his features before he quickly composed himself. "Y/N, it's not what it looks like," he stammered, his voice unconvincing.

You took a step closer, your expression hardening, "Then please, Liam, explain it to me. I deserve the truth." Your hands clutched the phone tighter.

Liam ran a hand through his wet hair, his eyes darting around the room, searching for a way out of this predicament. He let out a deep sigh before admitting, "Okay, you're right. It's not what it looks like. Emma is just a friend, and those messages... They're taken out of context."

Your brows furrowed in disbelief. "Out of context? Liam, it says, 'I'll come over when she's asleep.' What other context am I missing here?"

He dropped his gaze, avoiding your intense stare, his shoulders slumping. "I should have explained earlier. Emma is a coworker, and she was just talking about helping me with a work project. She knows we have opposite schedules, so that's why she mentioned coming over when you're asleep. It's purely work-related, I swear."

You scoffed, “Work-related?” you scrolled up the message thread a little bit and paused on a picture. A picture of a blonde woman, in lingerie, “Is this work-related? Your half-naked co-worker. Let’s see what was said before this,” you scrolled up a bit more, “She says ’I bought this for you, your favourite colour,’ Is that fucking work-related?!”

He looked up at you with regret in his eyes. "Baby, it means nothing, she means nothing,"

“How long has this been going on?” you asked, your voice trembling, afraid of the answer but you needed to know. He didn’t answer, he looked down at his wrinkled fingertips, avoiding the daggers in your eyes, “How fucking long, Liam!”

“About a year,”

You took a shuddering breath, your voice barely above a whisper. "A year? How could you do this to me?"

 "Did you ever love me at all?" you asked, taking a step back every time he took one towards you.

“Of course, I do. I’ve always loved you,” he said,

“Then why?” you paused, trying to gather your voice to ask the next question, “Why wasn’t I enough?”

“It started when you went on your work trips, you were gone weeks at a time baby,”

“Ooh, I’m sorry, was my job getting in the way of your sex life?”

“So you're telling me you never fucked someone when you were away?' he asked, your face reddened as the heat of anger rose within you.

“No! I fucking didn’t. I wouldn’t do that,”

“Y/N, I'm sorry,” Liam started. He slowly stood up and tried to move closer to you but you just stepped back. “I should have never done it. I was so lonely and I don't want to lose you. I wasn't thinking,” he said, ashamed.

“Oh really?” you asked, he nodded, “If it was just because you were lonely, why the fuck is she coming here when I’m here, huh?”

“She’s different,”

“She’s different?” you shook your head, rushing past him to your shared bedroom to pack. You couldn't stay in the same apartment with him, not after this.

With tear-stained cheeks, you entered the room, memories of happier times assaulted you. The bed you had shared, the photographs on the wall, the whispers of love and laughter that had once filled the space – they all seemed tainted now. You took a deep breath, forcing yourself to focus on the task at hand.

You moved with a quickly. You began to gather your belongings, selecting only the essentials. Your clothes, toiletries, a few cherished mementos – these were the things that mattered to you now. The tears that had streamed down your face earlier had given way to a steely resolve. You wouldn't let this define you. You deserved better. You zipped up your suitcase, a heavy sigh escaping your lips.

You paused for a moment, taking one last look around the room. Your eyes landed on a framed picture of you and Liam. With a trembling hand, you picked up the picture and threw it at the wall.

You slung your bag over your shoulder and walked back into the living room. Liam was still sitting there, his eyes red from tears and his face a portrait of remorse. But it was too late.

You stood before him, your voice steady, "She can come here whenever she likes. I'm leaving. We're done," you declared, your words echoing with finality.

He watched as you walked to the door, your footsteps and the slamming of the front door marking the end of your life together.

***

You arrived at your father's house, hoping to stay there for a while whilst you look for an apartment. You let yourself in, as you usually did when you visited the house and was greeted by the joyful barking of your father's dog, Buddy. You smiled through your tears as the fluffy golden retriever padded over to you. You dropped your bag and fell to your knees to give him a big hug.

You scrunched your eyebrows as your father’s best friend Tallahassee emerged from the kitchen with a warm smile, “Hey Tal, where’s my dad?” you asked, raising from your kneeling position but still keeping a hand in Buddy’s golden mane.

“He’s on a work trip,” he replied, he then nodded towards Buddy, “I’m dog-sitting,” when you were standing straight, he saw you tear-stained face and tired, sad eyes, “What happened, sweetheart?”

You didn’t answer, you just broke down in tears. Tallahassee stepped forward, his tall frame dwarfing yours. Carefully, he wrapped his arms around your shoulders and pulled you towards him. You melted into his embrace, sobbing into his shoulder, your body trembling with the intensity of your tears. Tallahassee stroked your hair and whispered soothing words, "It's okay, Y/N. Let it out. I'm here,"

His presence, his smell, the strength in his arms, and the soothing rhythm of his touch all worked together to calm you down. In that moment, you felt safe. So, you focused on him. The feeling of him. You probably shouldn't, he’s your dad’s best friend but right now, you didn’t care.

As the minutes passed, your sobs gradually subsided, and you pulled away from the embrace, you met Tal's gaze, your eyes still filled with vulnerability and in you fucked up emotional state. You kissed him. And for a crazy second, you could’ve sworn he kissed you back, but he pulled away from you, completely. You suddenly felt naked at the loss of his arms around you and you longed to have the back, “We can’t do that, sweetheart,”

“I’m sorry,”

“It’s fine, you’re just upset. You’ve had a hell of a day,”

His rejection strangely hurt you more than everything else you’d been through today. Sure he was a handsome man and you used to have a massive crush on him, but you thought you were over that. But it must have been because of Liam. When you were with him, you only had eyes for him. No one else mattered. But with him eradicated from your life, old feelings came rushing back.

Tallahassee cleared his throat, breaking the silence and said, “Why don't we make some food?”

You gave him a grateful smile and nodded. Taking your hand, Tallahassee led you to the couch and sat you down, “Relax, watch something and I will make you a delicious meal,”

He disappeared to the kitchen where he began to gather the ingredients for a simple yet comforting meal for you. The clinking of pots and pans, the sizzle of vegetables in a pan, and the aroma of food cooking filled the air.

He returned to the living room with a plate of steaming food for you. It was a hearty, homemade vegetable stir-fry, it’s delicious scent inviting you to eat. "Here you go," Tal said, placing the plate in front of you. "I hope you like it."

You smiled gratefully as you picked up your fork. You took a bite, savoring the flavors, and found yourself moaning at the taste of it. Something that was a compliment to his cooking, but was torture for Tallahassee. Despite telling you ‘no’ earlier, he wanted to say ‘yes’ but you were vulnerable and surely that was the only reason you kissed him, so he had to say no. But he couldn’t help his wondering mind as you wrapped your lips around the fork as you ate, savouring every drop. Thinking how good you’d look with your pretty mouth around his cock, disappearing as you take him fully, to the back of your throat.

Tallahassee entered the kitchen the next morning to you rummaging through the cabinets with nothing but a long t-shirt and your panties on full display. Your panties were thin, and practically see-through, leaving barely anything to the imagination.

He stood in the doorway, admiring your curves as you tried to reach a top shelf. He couldn't resist any longer. He slowly crossed the room and pressed his bulge up against your ass.

He grabbed your arm and pinned it to your back, as his other hand grabbed the back of your neck and pushed you face first onto the counter. You gasped, but then a moan escaped your lips as she realized who it was and that turned you on.

Tallahassee knew that he had crossed a line, but he couldn't stop. He kissed your neck softly, then slowly began exploring your body with his hands. You moaned and arched your back, desperate for more. Desperate for him to touch you where you were already soaked.

His hand lets go of your arms, "Keep them there," he ordered. You nodded as best you could, the sweat of your face causing your skin to stick to the smooth surface.

Tallahassee hooked his fingers in your underwear and pulled them down, his body following them until he was face to face with your dripping heat. His warm breath sends shivers down your spine.

His fingers started to trace a slow circle around your clit, “This for me, babygirl?” He asked as he dragged a finger down your folds, collecting some of the juices pooling there. He put his finger in his mouth, sucking your wetness from his finger and making a satisfying moan.

“Yes, god yes, it’s for you,” you panted, practically moaning in anticipation of his next move. You were surprised at how turned on you were and he’d barely touched you.

“Thank God, I’m starving,” he said, you didn’t have time to reply before he dived in, licking, sucking and biting your clit. It was unlike anything you ever felt before. Sure, Liam ate you out, but it never felt this good.

The pleasure only got better when Tallahassee started pumping two long fingers into your seeping hole, as deep as they would go, hooking them every so often. A loud moan escaped your lips as your eyes rolled to the back of your head. The familiar feeling began to build but it felt stronger this time. Different. Your body was on fire, unlike anything you have ever felt before.

“Tal.. I’m gonna-”

“Cum for me, baby girl,” he mumbled against your clit, and that was it. Your orgasm hit you hard. Your legs became weak. In a matter of minutes, Tallahassee had turned you into a whimpering mess. He smirked against you, his strong arms secure your body, so you don’t fall. He felt your warm liquid spreading over his two fingers still buried inside you.

You had never felt anything like it. You tried to catch your breath as the last of your pleasure drained away.

“Did he not touch you like that?”

You reached out to touch him, your fingertips desperate, as you let out a whimper, “It didn't feel as good as you,” you said softly, your voice heavy with desire, “Please fuck me,” you begged, your body quivering as you waited for his answer.

Tallahassee rose from his knees, standing behind you, “Are you sure?”

“Please,” you whimpered pathetically.

He pushed your head back against the kitchen counter as his hands quickly wrapped around your neck to hold you in place. His grip was strong and tight, allowing no room to move. He moved his lips to your ear, “Any time you want to stop, we’ll stop,” he whispered, placing a gentle kiss behind your ear.

He kicked your legs further apart and suddenly he impaled you with his cock. You moaned at the sudden intrusion. It felt big. Bigger than your ex, than any ex.

As the pleasure coursed throughout your body, you begged again, “Use me, daddy.”

He complied with your request, his hands clutching your hips tightly as he pounded you hard. He was using you to take care of his physical needs and you loved it. It was exactly what you needed. Sure sleeping with the first guy you see probably isn’t the best way to get over a break up but if they fucked you stupid like Tallahassee was doing right now, it’d be a miracle if you remember your own name.

He grunted, pushing himself deeper and deeper inside of you with each hit of his hips. You closed your eyes, your body writhing and trembling as you got closer and closer to your second orgasm. You moan and gasp as the pain of his rough thrusting only turns you on even more.

One of his hands move to your hair, creating a makeshift ponytail whilst the other hooks under your chin, pulling your body up off the counter and towards his chest. The new angle allowed him to hit you in just the right spot and soon you felt yourself clench around his shaft.

“I’m right behind you, baby girl,”

With one final thrust, your entire body shook. Strings of curses left Tallahassee’s mouth as he quickly withdrew before he came inside you. Oh, how he wanted to fill you up but he didn’t want to explain to his best friend that he got his daughter pregnant. You whimper at the loss, suddenly feeling empty. His huge arms wrapped around your torso as he brought his lips to you silky smooth shoulder.

He effortlessly picked you up and carried you to your bedroom. He went to get up and leave but your arm stopped him.

“Please stay,”

For a moment he told himself it was a bad idea, and that what had happened shouldn’t have, but your sweet, small voice was like a siren, beckoning him towards you. He finally climbed in next to you, wrapping his arms around you and pulling you onto his chest.

For the rest of the night, you stayed there, tucked safely in his arms.

[tsunflowers]

Wild sequence of events that just occurred to me:

Watch the latest episode of Oshi no Ko.

Episode is so good and enhances the source material so much that I feel the need to look up people reactions on Twitter.

A 2.5d play account use the opportunity (the latest arc involves a 2.5d stage production) to compare the episode’s focus character (a model who was pushed by his agency to start acting, but didn’t take it seriously for a long time & coasted on his looks until he got a wake-up call & started taking it super seriously) to their IRL Oshi, Kitamura Ryo.

I found the thread interesting (https://x.com/Nodokasia/status/1821264705588961556), and they mentioned that their oshi also started Voice Acting in addition to stage & TV acting, so I decided to look him up to see if he was in anything I watched, because I didn’t recognize the name or the picture they included:

I google “Kitamura Ryo” and see one of the first results is from the Kamen Rider wiki.

HE WAS THE GUY WITH THE BOWTIE & PLAID SUIT FROM GEATS!??!!?!?

I go to look up his anime roles on “Behind The Voice Actors” (it is usually lacking the full resume of the VAs it lists, but it also includes pictures of the characters, so it is easier to find roles I recognize than using something like Anime News Network’s text-only database)

The only role listed is ARASHI NARUKAMI?!?!?!?! THE TRANS GIRL FROM ENSTARS, THE IDOL MOBILE GACHA FLOWERS PLAYS!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!!

(Though less wild than the above revelations, I also then found out from Anime News Network’s database that he’s married to/has a kid with the VA for Cure Sunny from Smile Pretty Cure/Saki from Zombieland Saga)

-

I didn’t know he was the bowtie guy from geats... a lot of this is new knowledge to me. I didn’t know he spent time coasting by on his prettyboy looks before getting serious. this is the knowledge I have about him

I watched a video of him and some other enstars seiyuu pushing each other off a boat once

over the course of voicing arashi he has done voice training to give her a more naturally feminine voice and I’ve seen people who are appreciative of the work he put in

[damnedsurvivor]

GENERAL DETAILS.

FULL NAME:  LEON SCOTT KENNEDY NICKNAME(S): GOLDEN BOY NAME MEANING: Of Greek origin, meaning "Lion". AGE:  47 (varies on threads) DATE OF BIRTH:  JULY 31 1977 PLACE OF BIRTH: DENVER, COLORADO CURRENT LOCATION: ??? ETHNICITY: CAUCASIAN GENDER: TRANS MALE PRONOUNS: HE/HIM SEXUAL ORIENTATION: BISEXUAL ROMANTIC ORIENTATION: BIROMANTIC (fem lean) RELIGION: He likes to think there's a God watching over him. OCCUPATION:  FEDERAL AGENT (U.S. GOVERNMENT, D.S.O.) EDUCATION LEVEL:  ASSOCIATES IN CRIMINAL JUSTICE EXTRACURRICULAR: BOOT CAMP FINANCIAL STATUS: COMFORTABLE SPOKEN LANGUAGES: ENGLISH, FRENCH, SPANISH, PORTUGUESE, CHINESE (His fluency in some of these is another matter, entirely.)

PHYSICAL APPEARANCE, ETC.

HAIR COLOR AND STYLE: BRUNETTE (or dyed blonde, varies in timeline); STRAIGHT, 1B COMPLEXION: MEDIUM SKINTONE; BISQUE EYE COLOR: BLUE EYESIGHT: CORRECTED TO 20/20 HEIGHT: 180 cm/5'11" WEIGHT: 79 kg/175 lb BODY AND BUILD:  MESOMORPH (ectomorph when in poor health) TATTOOS:  A single tramp stamp. Don't ask, he was drinking. PIERCINGS: N/A   CLOTHING STYLE:  MASCULINE CASUAL/FORMAL DISTINGUISHING CHARACTERISTICS: A prominent bumped chin, wide cheekbones; an unwavering desire to do what's right, and a wide motorcycle part collection. SIGNATURE SCENT:  CALVIN KLEIN OBSESSION COLOGNE--mixed with a vague scent of bourbon.

HEALTH.

MENTAL DISORDER(S): PTSD, DISSOCIATION, DE-REALIZATION PHYSICAL DISORDER(S):  DEGENERATIVE DISC DISEASE, SPINAL STENOSIS, CHRONIC SHOULDER PAIN ALLERGIES:  CRUSTACEANS SLEEPING HABITS:  POOR, lots of naps, inconsistent sleep schedule. EATING HABITS:  GENERALLY HEALTHY. (Rooted into his brain from basic training.) SOCIABILITY: VARIES. BODY TEMPERATURE:  AVERAGE ADDICTIONS:  ALCOHOLISM DRUG USE:  NONE--Occasional marijuana use, in his youth. ALCOHOL USE: HEAVY/AT RISK

PERSONALITY.

LABEL(S):  The Ace, Bodyguard Crush, Pretty Boy, (taken from TV Tropes) POSITIVE TRAITS: EASY TO ADAPT, HEROIC, MECHANICALLY-KNOWLEDGEABLE, QUICK-WITTED NEGATIVE TRAITS: HUNG UP IN HIS THOUGHTS/OVERTHINKER, NAIVE (particularly in his younger years), ADDICTIVE HABITS: Swiping a thumb on his stubble, spacing out, taking up as little space as possible. ASTROLOGY: LEO CHINESE ZODIAC: SNAKE PERSONALITY TYPE:  INFJ-A MORAL ALIGNMENT: Teetering between neutral good and chaotic good. ELEMENT:  FIRE PRIMARY VICE:  SPITE PRIMARY VIRTUE:  JUSTICE WEATHER: THUNDERSTORMS COLOR: A deep, weathered blue; worn leather brown. MUSIC: ALT, DAD ROCK, POP-PUNK MOVIE:  ZOMBIELAND BOOK: EVERYTHING IS FUCKED: A BOOK ABOUT HOPE (Mark Manson) SPORT:  TRACK BEVERAGE: WHISKEY; COKE (sometimes together) FOOD:  BAR FOOD ANIMAL:  GOLDEN RETRIEVER SEASON: THAT IN-BETWEEN OF FALL AND WINTER

[mysticalsadgirl]

You know when someone does one of those "x" characters as "y" posts and they have a character that they don't like!!!! And so they just don't put any effort into them or just deliberately shit on them!!! Like they'll be like x characters as 2019 films and make anti-blorbo "Cats" even though it would make way more sense for them to be "Zombieland: Double Tap" or some shit and the only common thread between anti-blorbo and Cats is that OP hates both of them!!! It's so fucking annoying

[westerosiqueens]

Hey Mari, just getting caught up on what's going on on your blog, I hope you've found the culprit by now. But I wanted to let you know that I fully support you and your blogs. You're one of the longest friends that I've had on this hellsite and you even introduced me to one of my favorite muses, Beckett, and that spiraled into an obsession with Woody Harrelson, Hunger Games and Zombieland. I know we drift in and out of each other's circles because of the breaks needed from tumblr, but we'll always be friends. I love you and your muses <3

Jester ;; thank you so much. I know I'm not the best at keeping in touch but know that I adore writing with you and counting you as a friend. We've been through so many fandoms together and I always love our threads. I love you toooo

[fake-married-my-dead-fiance]

My favourite Kdramas (so far)

Currently watching: Family by Choice, Vincenzo, and Fangs of Fortune (Cdrama)

My to watch list, Venn Diagram of my favourite kdrama things, favourite male and female actors, my parent trauma tracking, my Truck of Doom tracking

My Main is about Jane Austen

For tracking purposes. But feel free to suggest me new Kdramas

Alchemy of Souls: Visually beautiful, wonderful soundtrack, casting is amazing, story is very well thought-out, world-building is on point, loved all of it.

Trope subversions, Love Maps, Plot driven by fear

Moon in the Day: The most angsty enemies to lovers you will ever find in your life. It's completely enthralling. The past scenes with Do-ha are amazing. There are some plot holes and the secondary characters aren't very well developed, but I don't care. It was so good!

Text Posts, On the ending, the emotional journey, Webtoon vs. Drama

Doom at Your Service: The world-building is really well done, as is the symbolism. Doom is so weirdly lovable. Also has a great soundtrack.

Extraordinary You: the story gets a little drawn out in the middle episodes, but the concept is so gripping that I forgive it. The main character is really spunky and fun and the villain is probably the most interesting character in the show.

Lovely Runner: This is one of the cutest dramas I've seen in a while. Top tier cuteness. The story was really fun and I laughed a lot.

Text post, Another, Google Searches

W: Two Worlds: So good! So unpredictable! So Male Lead who was smart and actually acted smart! This is the dark companion of Extraordinary You and I loved every minute.

Happiness: the whole point of zombie horror is that the humans are the real monsters and Happiness delivered on that 100000%. Turns out Park Hyung-sik can also be serious and very good at punching people! Han Hyo-joo was also amazing. The slow burn romance was so cute. Loved it so much. Also, more of a murder mystery than a zombie show.

Zombieland Rules, Webtoon vs. Drama

Sh**ting Stars: the voluntarism in an unnamed African country wasn't great, but the rest of the show was so heartwarming and cute! There were lots of lovable characters, mature relationships, very cute friendships, and hilarious antics.

The Forbidden Marriage: The plot had lots of fun twists and the resolution was satisfying. I wish we got more So Rang hijinks in the later episodes, the hunting episode was my favourite with her running around everywhere like a maniac.

It's Okay to Not be Okay: My only critique is I wish they did more of the animations for fairy tales, but it's so good. The female lead had the most amazing outfits. The story is so good and the way they portrayed the brother's autism.

Revenant: I'm not usually into horror, but this wasn't too scary. It was very well written, the threads in the mystery all came together well. The characters were interesting and the supernatural stuff was cool. Really great acting.

Flower of Evil: Everyone was right again, it was really good. So many twists and turns, such good romance, so many good reveals. Loved it. Loved it enough to forgive the amnesia part.

I watched three Cdramas:

The Double: I came for the Very Extra Fan Boy (ML) but I stayed for the really interesting villains. Justice for Princess Wanning! Smart characters who stay smart the whole time my love!

Text posts

Love Between Fairy and Devil: it was as good as everyone said. I really liked the Dragon/Scammer romance, the mains were amazing, and it was a fun fantasy plot. I liked that the two weddings were predicted early but came true in the weirdest possible ways.

Fangs of Fortune (ongoing): this drama is so fun so far! Found family demon hunters solving demon murder mysteries with a ton of sexual tension and banter. Also, VERY pretty

Kdramas I have liked:

The Judge from Hell - very interesting premise and solid execution, Justitia was believable as a demon and I like that she an Da-on met in the middle. The ending kind of dragged and it had some unexplained plot points (like the defeat of Satan)

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Penthouse War in Life (S1 - 3): This is an over-the-top rich people problems revenge drama and it delivers. The writing was surprisingly good, the acting was great, and the costumes were very fun. Seasons 1 & 2 were very cohesive, S3 jumped the shark right away and everything that followed was nonsense, especially the ending. But hey, what a ride!

Twinkling Watermelon: It's good, it just wasn't for me. I enjoyed the female characters more than the main male characters (especially young Yi-chan, he really annoyed me). Eun-gyeol was too unrealistically perfect at everything. But it had nice character development and I shipped all the couples.

Kingdom: Loved it! But I refuse to put it in my top kdramas since S2 ends on a huge cliff hanger and apparently they aren't making any more. Boo to Netflix. This was more gory than Happiness, but I loved having zombies in a historical setting. (This one doesn't go in my terrible ending category because it's just the last ten minutes that suck, not the last one or two episodes)

Ending fix, why the ending sucks

A Shop for Killers: an interesting action drama. I was surprised by one or two of the reveals but they were well written, I liked the non-linear storytelling and Jian as a character. The backstory about Bale got a bit too dark/gory for me but I should have expected that with this genre.

Haechi: Really strong beginning, lots of action, I enjoyed the court drama and the action bits. The only problem was that once the main character stopped being a scrappy underdog, it was just a lot of him winning which got slightly boring. The ending was very pro-monarchy, but from everything I've been able to read in English, this guy was a good king so good for him I guess? Also, the female lead went from interesting to doing nothing with heart eyes.

The Atypical Family: A very interesting superhero/time travel story with a fun ensemble cast. I didn't love any particular character (except I-Na), but the story was really fascinating and I was never bored.

Doctor Slump: Very cute and relaxing watch. The FL's family was really cute, especially her mom! The focus on mental health was nice, though there was a bit too much of an idea that a relationship can fix your depression/PTSD. But still good!

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Daily Dose of Sunshine: this made me cry multiple times. The visuals for how different disorders feel was fascinating. Good resolutions for the characters. I loved it all despite the unrealistic endings.

Extraordinary Attorney Woo: I'm blown away by their portrayal of autism. They don't shy away from making her ticks and mannerisms off-putting, awkward, and even somewhat annoying, but Young-woo has joy, she has imagination, she loves life. It's so much better than anything with an autistic character that I've seen in Western media. Not 10/10 because I did get a bit uninterested in the later cases when I wanted to know where the love story was going.

Choi Su-yeon

Oh My Ghost: I loved this one! Park Bo-young did an amazing job playing an oppressed shaman and possessed-by-a-ghost. It was very well written: there weren't any ridiculous sideplots and I was never bored. I did think the ending dragged a little bit, but overall I loved it.

The King's Affection: I think it probably could have been cut down to 16 episodes instead of 20, but very good. The female crown price is so scared all the time and I want to hug her, but also badass! It's a very hard line to walk but they do it well. Also, the bodyguard who is also an assassin is so hot and the costumes are great.

My Lovely Liar: very cute and occasionally very scary. Probably one of the most normal relationships I've seen in a Kdrama, no destiny or fate just two people who like each other. The murder mystery was well done, though I'm not sure how I feel about the final reveal.

Hospital Playlist: The epitome of slice of life. I enjoyed all the characters, especially Lee Ik-jun, The Ghost, and Long Winter (Jang Gyeo-ul) and the cute kid! I love the mom and the hospital director hanging out together. The band! I cannot stop listening to their songs!

What's Wrong with Secretary Kim: I liked that for once the big trauma didn't come from the parents, what a twist! I actually loved how ridiculously narcissistic the ML was and I loved the competent and mature FL. They didn't have any ridiculous misunderstandings and they never broke up. And the ML's friend was very funny.

King the Land: The show got better as it went on. The female lead was so competent and sure of herself. The parts about the friends' struggles was heartbreaking a lot of the time. I also loved how positive the female relationships were.

Kdramas with Great Beginnings and Terrible Endings (I don't mean sad, I mean they squandered their potential):

No Gain No Love: this drama barrelled through every sexually conservative expectation for Kdramas. They really defeated a bad guy with glow-in-the-dark dildos. Who would have ever imagined? I loved the leads, but the ending was lacking in that Hae-yeong never achieved her career ambitions. The love story was great though and I've rewatched parts of it already.

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Because This is My First Life: The ending was terrible and gross, but the female characters were so well written and fleshed out that I can almost forgive it. I related so much to all of them. Also, the best explanation ever for why a woman would choose a marriage without love.

Queen of Tears: I loved the set-up but for me it lost it's way at the end. Too many dramatic moments and the Magic Cancer surgery and Magic Amnesia Month were just too much of a strain on my ability to suspend my disbelief. But the performances were very good, from the leads and the secondary characters, and the premise was good. I enjoyed like 80% of the show.

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Captivating the King: I'm struggling to rate this one. The ML was amazing, but the FL seemed to just always be wide-eyed scared/worried. The writing was great for the first half, but the ending was ambiguous in a way I didn't enjoy. The intimate scene in Ep 8/9 was awesome, but then we didn't really get more. I wish they had stuck the landing. Smart character became dumb.

Marry My Husband: very fun drama, I especially enjoyed Su-min and Min-hwan, who were some of the most deep villains I've seen portrayed. However, I hated the Yu-ra storyline and I felt like the ML kept the secret of his death for way too long. Also, no happy ending for the secondary couples! I wanted more screen time with them.

Webtoon vs. Drama, Text Post

The Story of Park's Marriage Contract: It was fluffy and fun, I loved Sa-wol the maid, we should have had more of her! I hated the ending though, so much. Just so bad.

Kdramas that are So Bad They Are Somehow Good:

Perfect Marriage Revenge - This show did exactly what it set out to do, be completely over-the-top dramatic. The male lead looks like a Ken doll dressed by an eight year old, the mothers have the most over the top outfits and hairstyles ever, it's a delight to watch.

Hwarang: really great acting despite a mediocre script, but man so many plot holes and unresolved plots. I never totally decided if the Queen Dowager was actually trying to help her son or just holding on to power and I feel like they should have made that clearer. Also, what was that love triangle??? But I did enjoy myself the whole time.

Dreaming of a Freaking Fairytale: the acting was good enough that except for the first episode, I enjoyed myself the whole time. Also so many good kissing scenes! Fun subversion of the Cinderella trope.

Other Kdramas I've watched:

Cinderella at 2am: It was cute, but I ended up liking the second couple more and I wish they'd had more screen time. I don't think the male lead is a very good actor either.

Perfect Family: the story was engaging enough but it had such a weird ending. Like not dissatisfying, but just strange? Also, my favourite actor was dead basically the whole time, which I knew going in but it still made me sad.

The Red Sleeve: full review here and also here, but basically, I loved the Crown Prince's story, but the female lead fell flat. They never sufficiently explained the FL's emotional journey and they also kept ruining female characters. Justice for the Queen Dowager!

Soundtrack #1: I hate endless, hopeless pining and that's all this was. It had it's cute moments, but I always felt like the male lead was in pain and I didn't enjoy that.

Hospital Playlist 2: Somehow it wasn't as good as the first season, I found myself actually getting bored. But it was nice to see all the couples get together.

Goblin/Guardian the Great and Lonely God: The roommate stuff is hilarious! It did move slowly at times, I wanted the Grim Reaper/Sunny stuff to move faster. I got really annoyed at Kim Shin for not being honest with Eun-tak. Sometimes the product placement annoyed me. But it's very beautiful and I was very invested in everyone. Problem is, I don't think I ever want to watch it again.

Tale of the Nine Tailed + 1938 - It's fun, but the lore/world-building don't make a whole lot of sense. The Serpent is pretty over powered in S1 and really ought to have won. 1938 was better but the female mountain goddess made zero sense as a character. Lee Rang is probably the best part of the whole series, and his little murder fox girl in S1 or mermaid girl in S2.

Castaway Diva: I love the songs and the found family parts, but the story was lacking. Especially the older singer's story made very little sense and didn't come to a satisfying conclusion. And why not show us a little of the main couple being together?

Hotel del Luna - I enjoyed the ghost parts but the dynamic between the main couple was a mess. He is so unconditionally nice and she is such a jerk to him!

Strong Girl Bong-Soon - I loved all the parts with Bong-Soon and Min-hyuk, like he was the cutest, sweetest boy ever, but everything else was kind of annoying. And the kidnapper parts were really creepy! I just wanted Bong-Soon to smash more things. I also hated Guk-doo and I wanted all the women to dump his ass.

Business Proposal - It was cute, but it bothered me that Ha-ri wouldn't just talk to Tae-moo about her concerns about dating him. Ha-ri may be the only female lead ever with a healthy family dynamic, yay for her! The secondary couple was fun.

Death's Game - I enjoyed the genre and actor switches at first, but then it seemed to veer into being about the serial killer CEO and then back to being about suicide and the resolution left me unsatisfied.

Webtoon vs. Drama

My Demon - It was fun, but the world-building wasn't great and the ending was fine. I felt like it tried to be Doom at Your Service but failed (there were many, many references/thefts).

Destined with You - I really liked some parts of it, especially the leads and I actually liked the office romance with Hong-jo's boss (until the last episode), but they left so many things unanswered that I wish were revealed! It's like the writers forgot it was a fantasy drama halfway through and just went in a totally different direction. It makes me angry.

The Uncanny Counter - The concept was good, the actors were good, the chemistry between the actors was amazing, but the story went way off the rails. So Mun just became way too over-powered and the plot needed more balance. I wanted more demon catching and less mayor stuff. I did like the bully being saved and reformed.

100 Days My Prince - I hated the main couple, he was just too distant and she should have figured out who he was like 10 minutes in. It felt like they only got together because he was obsessed with her, I would have preferred the nice face-blind guy. I ended up liking the peasant friend couple and the murderous princess and her assassin boyfriend better.

Started but not finished:

Hometown Cha Cha Cha - I hated it. Dropped at 9/16. Review. Frustration. Moving - I started it, it seems really slow. I think I'm four or five episodes in. The Crowned Clown - First episode was way too dark! Live Up To Your Name - Acupuncture is magic? Moonlight Drawn by Clouds - the first episode seemed bonkers Strong Girl Nam-Soon - could not even force myself to watch it. Total mess The Impossible Heir - Even Lee Jae-wook couldn't save this messy plot. My Sweet Mobster - stopped watching at Ep 10, I couldn't handle the jealousy and I found the FL really boring. River Where the Moon Rises - the pacing is bad (always seems like they are running around) and for some reason I cannot with the ML's super white teeth in the year 500 A.D. Ep 11/20 Our Blooming Youth - it has it's moments, but it started out creepy and most of the time is just silly. I do want to know how the mystery unravels but not enough to care right now 12/20 Fated to Love You (You are My Destiny) - I really liked the first episodes but after the miscarriage, it just seems like unnecessary delay of getting them back together. 14/20

[saga-jihen]

Keyframes from Zombieland Saga: Revenge Episode 11 of Sakura on the staircase by animator who worked upon the scene, Tomohiro Takano.  Tomohiro Takano notes that these shots were lovingly corrected from their original concepts by the animation director (original keyframe pictured here)

The correction was made with the intention of having Sakura appear as more of a "beautiful woman” rather than simply cute to reflect the fact these frames are meant to be from Kotaro’s point of view and showcase his image of her.

[disgracedvessel]

Zombieland [Julius & Claude]

starter for @boundlesshart | [Reason +1]

The walking undead. Or the living dead. Or deadlords, or whatever they were called here, are somehow more a reminder of home than Julius had expected when he first caught sight of one of these shuffling monsters stumbling through the underbrush around their camp. They weren’t exactly common in Jugdral to begin with, but they weren’t unheard of either. Which, so far, makes them more familiar than most of what he has encountered in Fodlan.

“Let’s see if you listen to me just as easily,” Julius hums. The rest of the camp is in chaos behind him. Knights run to and fro in an effort to gather the weapons they had not yet unpacked. Others gather to create a blockade out of logs and crates at the entrance. They know demonic beasts, at least. These things look just like run-of-the-mill humans. Julius sidesteps the one he faces off with now as it half-steps, half-falls past him with its arms outstretched. It lets out a groan and tries to find its footing again.

“You really think you can catch any of us like that? Hmph.” Julius grins. The monster turns blindly toward his voice again and its jaw falls slack as it lets out another long, gurgling sound. Julius crosses his arms.

“You’re uglier than my Deadlords.” Another sidestep keeps him safely out of the monster’s grasp. “Whoever is pulling your strings must be a novice.” He raises his voice as he glances toward the darker part of the woods. “Don’t you know your minions will retain the power they had when they were alive? You can’t just use any old clod for battle.”

No answer. Julius laughs to himself.  “Well, if I can’t get you under control myself, we can at least play a little.”

There’s a sudden crash. Snapping limbs. Creaking wood. And then the heavy rumble of the earth as a tree settles lengthwise before wide eyes.

“H-how…?” Julius gapes at the shattered bark at the base of the trunk in a fist-sized dent, and at the monster that stands on the other side. Maybe they aren’t so average after all. An explosion of purple energy stops it before it can take another step and Julius smirks again.

“Still weak. W-wait—“ The monster shuffles out of the cloud, groaning and reaching for him again as if the spell had hardly hit him. Julius takes a step back. “How is that possible—“ Another step back. The monster swipes at him. He can smell its rotting breath now, see the veins in the yellowed scleras, the corners of irises rolled back in its head. Suddenly an arrow lodges through its skull with a grotesque crack. It shudders. Freezes. And with a final sigh, collapses at Julius’ feet.

“How did—“ His eyes snap toward the wielder of the bow hiding in the bushes nearby. Another student. Julius hides his shock with a haughty smile. “I just softened it up for you!” He calls. One more cautious glance for good measure. The monster isn’t moving anymore, so Julius quickly hops over one of its outstretched arms - now bent at an unnatural angle beneath its body - and approaches his competitor.

“Still, you’re a pretty good shot,” he praises through his teeth. “How about you and I play a little game? It’s so terribly boring here, and I’d like a spot of target practice.” His hands come to his hips and he puffs out his chest. “First one to ten kills wins. On the condition that you don’t cry when you lose.”

[allison-ellis-blog]

The Bonding

Allison stood alone in the ceremony cabin. A modest white cotton dress fell flowing around her body to the floor. She had been with the group for some time, and now with Crispin’s blessing she would finally be bonded to a man of his choosing. Small butterflies flitted around inside her stomach. She had seen Narek around, but had never really spoken to, or spent much time with him. However, the butterflies weren’t really there because she was nervous, but more so because she was excited to finally be trusted enough by Crispin to do her part in saving them all. A knock on the door caused to take a deep breath, smooth her hands down her dress, and turn around. Two women opened the door to take her outside for The Bonding. Another deep breath, and she pulled the thin veil over her face and followed them outside. With a wide smile, she looked around as they walked forward. Almost everyone was there, including Cohen, but she didn’t linger her gaze with his for too long. Instead she shifted it to the front of the group, towards her intended and their fearless leader. Once they reached them, Allison stood completely still, knowing better than to make the first move. 

narek-og  crispin 

[feelingofcontent]

DNP Rewatch: A Day in the Life of Phil and Dan!

Date video was published: 03/17/2012 (X)

DNP Main Channel Rewatch: 121

The first Day In The Life video!!! 😄 Also one of the only times anything is written as ���Phil and Dan” before they decide on “Dan and Phil” for everything joint they do. Phil was excited to film this! 🥺 And it ended up as the number 3 worldwide video on YouTube.

This is by far the longest video that either of them have posted up to this point. (So I probably won’t comment on every 5 seconds of this one, haha.) 

0:18 - I’m shocked by the turn-around time on this. They filmed this on March 16 and he originally meant to have it edited and posted the same day. WHAT.

0:44 - do not believe for one second Dan didn’t know what day Phil was filming this. Also Dan’s dream journal that he has forever on the nightstand!

1:06 - Dan hiding cereal from Phil is hilarious to me

1:17 - still amazed by them getting grocery delivery all the way back in 2011

1:38 - “we’re not a family of 10, Phil” so fond though 🥺

2:27 - everyone wanting Dan to sneeze because Phil talked about how weird he sneezes in The Hunger Games (and gay shoe marriage)

3:00 - so messy! so many plushies!

3:10 - Phil’s hair is very birds-nest-y here

3:17 - dimply giggly Dan 😊

3:43 - reference to jumping in the lift in the DITL-like part of I DRANK EGGNOG!

3:50 - dollars and sun cream because they’re getting ready to go to Florida for Playlist Live soon

4:22 - that is so creepy I would not want to be walking past that at night

4:33 - every time Phil films in downtown Manchester he includes a clip of the Manchester Eye 👀

5:04 - Phil’s soft little “the best” about the caramel macchiato. Also Dan stirring Phil’s drink for him while Phil films

5:30 - Dan does not know what color fuchsia is. And then a jump cut in the middle of the convo and after Dan is giggling so much.

5:49 - Love Dan’s little commentary on Manchester

6:15 - this place has the most random things and I can see why Phil loves it

6:39 - now Dan’s turn for a soft “the best” 

7:18 - I didn’t realize before I saw this video for the first time that they didn’t have Twinkies in the UK. (Phil had watched Zombieland with his dad.)

8:09 - Phil is so calm and Dan is just wildly-shaky-cam filming

8:56 - I am jealous of Shakeaway. Also, I’m glad I don’t live near a  Shakeaway. lol

9:25 - “and Phil is in his own little world again *fond giggle*” 😭

9:50 - they really have wanted a dog forever, huh?

10:07 - ewww don’t sniff the money

10:24 - the fact that their friends canceled is both sad but somehow hilariously fitting

10:34 - them cooking together always gets me 🥺

10:45 - that is such a Phil thing to do and apparently it happens often because Dan’s “you need to stop doing that.”

10:52 - surprising that they seem to be sitting at the actual table instead of on the couch!

11:10 - Dan’s smile here!!! 😭

11:45 - they have an obsession with opening things with their teeth

11:50 - it really doesn’t look very appetizing

12:17 - this whole part with the Twinkie they just keep looking and laughing at each other

12:52 - even though Phil didn’t plan to buy the Kinder egg, they ended up sharing it

13:56 - obsessed with Phil playing the piano and it’s the Bubble Bobble theme. And “THE RULES” list they have that they’ve both signed. It first showed up in How I Got Fired. I think there’s a thread somewhere on IDB that mostly works out what it says.

14:09 - day in the life outro! 😊 they continue to do these in all of the other DITL videos too 

14:38 - love that Dan knows the “PMAVEDFAW” acronym, lol

I mean...how can you not love this video. It’s by far the most domestic DNP content of any videos up to this point. It also ended up being the final video of PMAVEDFAW (Phil Makes A Video Every Day For A Week) and it got posted a day later than expected because it was so long (1, 2, 3, 4)! I think Phil had originally planned on doing PMAVEDFAW for 7 days, but ended up with just the 5 videos.

[novamariestark]

First Valentine's Day [P1]

Handcuffs are a girl's best friend 😏

Summary: Tallahassee gets you a few gifts for Valentine's day but they don't get used the way he expected 😏.

Warnings: 🔞, pet names (Darlin', Baby Girl, baby boy), (unprotected sex), orgasm denial, handcuffs, masturbation, sub!Tallahassee, slight dom!reader, oral (f&m), face sitting, piv, swearing, poorly written smut I'm sorry 🤣 (not really)

Word count: 1995

Fandom: Zombieland

Pairing: Tallahassee x f!reader

Tallahassee sat on the bed, his gaze wandering around the room as he waited for you to emerge from the bathroom. It was your first Valentine's Day together, and he couldn't help but feel a surge of excitement in his chest. You had seemed extra flirty with him earlier that day, almost teasing him with the way you would brush up against him or flash him a sultry look from across the room. He couldn't help but wonder what you had planned for tonight.

His eyes fell on the small box on the bedside table, the one he had found at the last minute in an adult store earlier that day. Inside were a pair of black leather handcuffs, and he had been dying to try them out on you. Another thing he picked out with you was a sleek, purple vibrator which he also couldn’t wait to use on you. As he waited for you, he couldn't help but wonder what you would think when you saw them. Would you be surprised? Excited? Embarrassed? He couldn't wait to find out.

Finally, you emerged from the bathroom, [y/h/c] cascading down your back like a waterfall. You were wearing the sexy black lingerie he had seen you find earlier, and it left little to the imagination. The lacy bra cupped your ample breasts, while the matching thong hugged your curves in all the right places. He couldn't help but swallow hard as he took you in.

As you stepped closer, you noticed the box on the bedside table. Your eyes widened in surprise before you let out a giggle. "Oh, Tally. You really shouldn't have." you walked over to him and took the box from his hand, opening it to reveal the handcuffs inside. "I've always wondered what it would be like to handcuff someone to the bed whilst I had my way with them," you purred, running your fingers over the smooth leather.

Tallahassee's eyes widened. That's not how he pictured it but it sure sounded like something he was interested in. As you climbed onto the bed, he sat up to reach out and touch you. But you laid a hand on his chest and pushed him back down, your legs straddling his waist as you did so. You reached over to the bedside table and grabbed the handcuffs, clicking them shut around his wrist. You thread it through the headboard and clamp it around his other wrist, leaving him restrained and yours to play with.

You looked down at him and groaned, "You already look so sexy like this and I haven't even started yet,"

You leaned down and gave him a quick peck on the lips. When you pulled away, he chased you but could only follow so far. You reached down and undid his belt, unbuttoned his pants, and pulled his boxers down, releasing his hardened shaft into the open. "I think I'm going to have fun with you tonight," you purred, grinning wickedly.

You began to kiss down his chest, making your way to his already hard cock. You licked the tip, tasting him, and then took him into your mouth, sucking gently at first before deepening the blowjob. Tallahassee moaned loudly, arching his back and squirming beneath you. His hips bucked, seeking more contact, more of your tongue, more of your warmth. You took him deeper, your hands cupping his balls, rolling them expertly as you bobbed your head up and down.

You could feel his release building, the tension in his body growing tighter. You slowed down, teasing him, making him wait just a little bit longer before taking him over the edge. Finally, he cried out, his orgasm exploding through him, pulsing hot and thick in your mouth. You swallowed every drop, savoring the taste of him, the power you had over him at that moment.

Pulling away, you looked up at him, smiling wickedly as you licked your lips. "Delicious,"

You crawled up his body and kissed his lips, "See how good you taste?" you murmured against his mouth. Your tongue clashing with his, your breath mingling as if you were one being. "You wanna taste me?"

He nodded eagerly, "Please," he gasped, his eyes wide with desire. You got off the bed to strip, but knowing how desperate he was to taste you, he loved tasting you, you took of your lingerie painfully slow, teasing him with every inch of skin you revealed. Finally, you were naked before him, your body glistening in the dim light of the bedside lamp. Already dripping simply from pleasuring him, you climbed back onto the bed, climbing over him until your dripping centre hovered over his mouth. He moved his head to get a taste but you moved away, once, twice, three times.

"Fuck, baby girl, please," he groaned. Any other time, he'd have you pinned beneath him, but since you handcuffed him to the bed, he couldn't even touch you. The frustration only made him want you more.

"You look so desperate, baby" you whispered, biting your lip, "You want it so bad, don't you?" He nodded frantically, his tongue darting out to lick at the air near your wetness. "Then taste it," you breathed, lowering yourself until your clit was just above his lips. He parted his lips eagerly, his tongue flicking out to trace the shape of you before he lapped at the sweet nectar pouring from your body. His tongue danced over your sensitive flesh, sucking and licking, driving you wild with desire.

You moaned, arching your back, gripping the headboard as the pleasure coursed through you. "That's it, baby," you whispered, watching him with hooded eyes as he continued to feast on you.

His tongue was expert, his mouth moving in a way that made your toes curl and your thighs quiver. You couldn't believe how good it felt, how good he made you feel. "Oh, Tal," you gasped, your hips move so that you were riding his tongue, seeking the pleasure you knew only he could give you, "Please..."

Even though his hands were still cuffed above his head, he managed to reach up and pinch at your nipples, rolling them between his fingers. The combination of his touch and the relentless attention he was giving you between your legs made your head spin. You felt a building pressure deep inside, a need for release so fierce it made your vision blur.

You cried out, your body tensing as you came, waves of pleasure washing over you in a shattering climax. "Fuck, baby keep going," you groaned, your hips still moving even as your body went lax. Tallahassee continued to lap at you, his tongue working in tandem with his fingers as he teased your nipples.

As your breathing slowed, you looked down at him, marveling at the way he looked drenched in your juices, his mouth red and swollen from the taste of you. You reached down and cupped his cheek, gently guiding his head back up to meet your gaze. "You're so good at that," you whispered, the back of your hand stroking his cheek.

"I know," he smirked the cocky bastard. "I need to be inside you, Darlin', please,"

You grinned back, running your fingers through his hair. "Oh you'll get what's coming to you, Tallahassee. But first..." You moved off the bed and went over to where you had left his other present, “I wanna try this out,” You pulled out a small vibrator and set it on the nightstand. You turned back to him, licking your lips as you gazed down at him.

You knelt between his legs, taking his length in your hand, stroking it gently as you looked up at him. "I'm going to take care of you soon, baby," you murmured, leaning in to kiss the tip of his cock. But you pull away. You reach for the vibrator and slide it inside you, exactly where he wanted to be. You switch it on and all he could do was watch as you masturbate.

Tallahassee groans, his hips jerking up off the bed in time with your movements. You watch his face, his eyes dark and lustful, his lips parted in a moan. You move your hips in time with the vibrations, your fingers curled around the base of the toy, your other hand still stroking him. "God, you're so fucking hot," he breathes, his gaze fixed on the sight of you pleasuring yourself, "I need to be inside you."

You smile down at him, your free hand running through his hair. "You're going to have to wait just a little bit longer," you whisper, your voice low and sultry. You pick up the pace, moving your hips faster, the vibrations intensifying. Tallahassee's cock jerks in your hand, leaking pre-cum onto his stomach. His chest is heaving, his breath coming in ragged gasps.

With a final thrust, you come, crying out his name as the pleasure washes over you. You collapse on top of him, panting, your body still trembling from the aftermath. You look up at him, eyes shining, and reach down to guide his cock into you. He groans, thrusting up to meet your guide, and sinks inside you in one hard stroke.

"Oh fuck, Darlin'," he growls, moving his hips roughly, filling you completely. You moan, a part of you wanting to give in but another didn't. You lifted yourself up, feeling empty when his cock left you, "Baby girl, please,"

"Behave then," you breathed, your eyes flashing with mischief. You slid back down onto him, feeling him fill you once more. You placed your hands back on his chest and began to ride him, moving in a slow, sensual rhythm that had him gasping for breath. You leaned forward, nipples brushing against his chest as you ground your hips against him, taking him deeper with each movement.

Soon you see that he's close, but you want to come at least one more time before he does, so you stop suddenly. You lower your lips to his ear, "Don't come until I tell you to,"

Tallahassee groans, his hips jerking uselessly against the bed. You lean back slightly, looking into his eyes as you slowly begin to ride him again. "That's it, baby," you whisper, your breath hot against his neck. "You feel so good."

"Be a good boy and make me come again," you whispered against his ear, your hips moving faster now, your skin flushed and warm. The headboard slammed against the wall, the room filling with the sounds of your pleasure.

Tallahassee growled, "Darlin', you're killing me," he groaned, his voice strained. You smiled against his skin, feeling the tension in his body as you rode him harder, faster. His cock throbbed inside you, the head pressed against your g-spot with each thrust, sending waves of pleasure through your entire body. Your breath came in ragged gasps, your fingernails digging into his chest as you lost control.

As you felt yourself about to climax again, you leaned forward, taking one of his nipples into your mouth, rolling it between your teeth. His hips jerk wildly, his release so close now. You suckled at his nipple, feeling him grow impossibly harder inside you as he neared the edge.

"Fuck, Darlin'," he groaned, his voice hoarse. "I'm gonna..."

"Do you need to come in my pussy, baby?" you asked, your voice husky and low. Tallahassee's hips jerked, his body tense and shuddering.

"Fuck yes, please, baby girl," he moaned, his hips bucking against yours.

"Okay baby boy, give it to me," you panted, feeling the pressure building inside him. You could feel his cock twitching, ready to explode. And it did. His cock throbbed inside you, filling you completely as he emptied himself into you.

You collapsed onto his chest, "Those handcuffs were the best idea ever,"

"You release me now, baby girl. I ain't done with you yet," Tallahassee growled.

[A/N] Part 1 of 2. Part 2 will be up on Valentine's Day (If i can wait that long to share) This was going to be posted on Valentine's Day but I just wanted to post it 🤣

@mariechristine00 I blame you for this one 😂

[dateamonster]

i, for one, would love to hear your deep read of zombieland saga *eyes emoji*

ok i just got through lowkey ranting about zls (mostly abt how much i love junko this season) to my friend so i think im sufficiently warmed up to make a first class fool of myself on the internet by becoming another Guy Who Get s Heated About Anime

so i’ve been thinking abt this a lot since zls revenge came out- and just in general but i mean given this season is literally called Revenge it now feels especially relevant to talk about zls as a story about second chances and seeking personal growth after hitting absolute rock bottom. like in this case that rock bottom is obviously death, the greatest low you can achieve, but its also not just that i dont think. bear with me.

the zombie angle is obvi crucial to the show like its the hook its twist its the instigator for a lot of the wacky situations and hijinks and such but its also? not super necessary sometimes? or at least it feels that way. what i mean is the show is so much about the characters and their personal arcs in a way that i find so human and relatable that i sometimes legit forget this is a show about zombie pop idols

even the overarching goal that drives the plot forward of “saving saga” (though i feel like we still dont know everything there is to know abt that) has to do with this theme of second chances. its a story about comebacks, about trying to breathe life into something that seems dead. thats maybe sort of obvious, but its been hitting me how much that like core thesis informs the characters and makes their own resurrections feel.. more personal ya know?

sakura loses her shot at her dream in a split second accident and for a while isnt even able to process that because of her lost memories, while ai was at the top of her game when she died and now has to watch her former friends and fans move on without her, and lily was a child star who was literally killed by her commitment to making other people happy, only finding her love of performing again after her death. franchouchou and the mission to save saga was the reason all the girls were brought back from the dead, but it also becomes their second chances in that it gives them a reason to keep trying in the face of loss after loss.

its a funny cute show but its also got some pretty grim stuff baked right into the foundation and i think the reason it works and doesnt feel super tonally dissonant is because its so consistently heartfelt. its so easy to get sick of shows with “never give up!” type messages when it feels like the characters triumphs are assured and their struggles only ever temporary, but it never really feels that certain for franchouchou, and the losses they face send ripples of fear and doubt through its members that come back into play the next time the group is put to the test. junko doesnt lose all her anxieties after one successful show, and the way saki, who prides herself in her sense of strength and rebellious nature, struggles to contend with change and situations outside her control still feels as real every time because imo theres an understanding that that stuff leaves lasting marks, even to the resurrected, even to a zombie.

not to go even more off the rails than i already have, but i think its really interesting the many different ways zombies as a type of monster are portrayed and the way zls relates to that. the common thread as i see it, if such a thing can rly exist, is this fear of decay. not even necessarily death itself but degradation, deterioration, the processes through which every person is stripped of what makes them themselves, reduced to a husk with only the most base instincts still intact, moving around and affecting some pale imitation of life but completely empty inside.

zls as a zombie story is interesting to me because while i think those sort of fears are still present (the scene recently where saki fully realizes she’ll never get to grow up still strikes me as incredibly dark for the episode it was in, though im not saying thats a bad thing) zls supposes that a person can indeed overcome that state of decay.

it doesnt treat the idea lightly; positive change is HARD and a thousand times more so for these characters who have already reached what should have been their lives natural conclusion. the sorta thesis i feel like zls and particularly revenge are presenting is that personal growth is a constant battle against the path of least resistance, the predisposition towards stagnation or defeatism that occurs after a traumatic loss. it’s not enough to be handed a second chance, you’re still just another mindless zombie until you decide to try and be more, and even then you have to keep making that choice every day that youre alive.

so yea hopefully this doesnt all read as some totally insane Reach but like once again, it may not necessarily be that deep, but it COULD be. and thats whats important to me <3

[ultrahpfan5blog]

Retrospective Review: The Amazing Spider-man (2012)

I remember when TASM came out, it was in the midst of one of the most hyped superhero summers of that time. It was sandwiched between The Avengers and The Dark Knight Rises, both of which came in with a lot of hype. I remember there being a lot of skepticism for this movie because another origin story merely a decade after the first Spider-man wasn't anything people were that enthusiastic about. Also, Marc Webb was only known from 500 Days of Summer, which isn't a movie that acts as audition for a big superhero movies. But Andrew Garfield was coming off a fantastic performance in The Social Network and Emma Stone was already pretty established after films like Easy A, Zombieland, Crazy, Stupid, Love, and The Help. So the leads both looked promising. I remember I quite enjoyed the film back then and on rewatch, my opinion remains unchanged. This may not be top tier superhero movies but its a pretty sold superhero movie. Definitely a significant step up from Spider-man 3.

The film felt distinctly modern. It was a film that clearly was influenced by the grounded nature of TDK movies as well as the world building of the MCU movies. At the time, it was definitely a nice change of pace to have a Spider-man movie which was a bit more serious and devoid of the camp that was there in the Raimi movies. There was clearly an attempt to have more serialized storytelling in this movie because there are narrative threads in this movie that are raised to be built upon. The mystery behind Peter's parents death and their background at Oscorp being those narrative threads. This film also had more of the high school setting than in Raimi's Spider-man movies, which only had that setting for about half the first movie. I may be a minority on this, but I genuinely liked how the movie dealt with the characterization of Peter. He genuinely seemed like a bit of a scientist and an engineer with the way his room was setup and his interest and knowledge of science. I also liked that he's genuinely curious about his parents disappearance. It feels like that would be a natural reaction to that mystery and I liked that his natural curiosity is what led to the Spider bite. Also, the film also does a nice job with the family unit, just like with Raimi's films.

The build up to him becoming Spider-man is also done well. While the death of Uncle Ben doesn't hit as hard as in Spider-man, I do like that Peter becomes a hero as a calling. Initially he becomes a vigilante just to hunt down Uncle Ben's killer, but after the rescue on the bridge, he basically finds a calling and he relates it to what Uncle Ben told him. What the film really excels in is in the romance between Peter and Gwen. That relationship dynamic is wonderful and it is honestly one of the best superhero romances I have seen. A lot of it is that Andrew and Emma just had magical chemistry onscreen. I know they were dating at the time, but not all real life couples can replicate real life chemistry. But more than chemistry, I loved how that relationship was portrayed. There are a lot of really sweet scenes like with Peter trying to ask out Gwen or when Gwen asks Peter to come for dinner. I love that the movie doesn't bother with whole secret identity drama between the two and makes Gwen a more active participant in trying to stop the Lizard. And even at the end of the movie, Gwen realizes that her father would have asked Peter to stay away from her. It genuinely was refreshing to have an onscreen romance that wasn't overly angsty. In general, Spider-man is closer to his talkative, quippy self from the comics. Also liked that we got Peter build his web shooters.

Where the film has an issue though is the villain. And unfortunately that does pull the film down quite a bit. Dr Conners starts off as an interesting, even slightly tragic character. And the initial interactions he has with Peter were well developed. But once Lizard appears, the character goes off the rails. Because whereas Dr Conners is shown to be a balanced and relatively understanding person, he basically goes off the rails once he takes the serum. As an audience member, we are left to basically just assume that that the serum messed with his mental stability. Also, the final villain plan is unfortunately quite ridiculous and silly. He wants to turn everyone into Lizards and that's just a type of villain plot that doesn't suit the more grounded nature of the storytelling. That's really the one major issue with the film. There are some other minor issues. With the movie being an origin story, this has some obvious comparisons with the first Spider-man. While I think the film does a solid job with the whole Uncle Ben, Aunt May, and Peter dynamic, it just doesn't hit as hard as it did in Raimi's film. Some of it has to do with the fact that we know these things already, and some is that the dialogue at times is obviously trying to avoid the direct comparisons.

The action scenes are all solid without being spectacular. There is nothing quite the level of the train scene of Spider-man 2, but the web swinging scenes are better with noticeably better CGI. I do like that Lizard felt huge compared to Spider-man so he felt like a physical force. But there's no single action scene which stands out as a highlight.

The performances are quite strong. I loved Andrew Garfield as Spider-man/Peter. While he was obviously a little too old to be playing a high school student, it didn't take me out of the movie because I think he nailed the anxiety of being a nerdish, socially awkward student. Emma Stone was wonderful and ranks as one of the best comic book love interests to me in the role of Gwen Stacy. I already mentioned the almost magical chemistry between Andrew and Emma. Rhys Ifans is solid as Dr Conners even though the characterization becomes strange in the second half of the movie. Sally Field and Martin Sheen are both strong as Aunt May and Uncle Ben. Irrfan Khan is weirdly wasted in his role. Denis Leary is enjoyable as Captain Stacy.

Overall, I thought this was a pretty strong franchise restart. I feel it got buried underneath the hype for The Avengers and TDKR in 2012 and now gets unfairly paired with TASM2, which definitely had bigger issues than this movie did. Marc Webb was clearly a bit more comfortable with character interactions than the superheroics but he did a good job with just his second movie. Overall, this is like a 7.5/10.

[afreakingdork]

Review: Miss Kobayashi's Dragon Maid S

Has it really only been 3 years since I watched the first season of Miss Kobayashi’s Dragon Maid? It feels like I’ve known this show for so much longer. Regardless, I finally sat down to rewatch the first season and then, of course, watch the second season. During my first season rewatch, I tried out the English dub and I have to say, I really appreciate the slight tweaks they did. They have Kobayashi mumble that her sexuality might not be as linear as it’s implied and they did a HUGE job making Lucoa more palatable and less gross. 

This is one of those shows where a second season lands at a crossroads. For example, New Game!(!): season one was something I really respected and loved. I thought they just thread the needle of perv pandering in a way that didn’t distract from the show, but then there’s season 2. They jammed a bunch of perv pandering in it to the point of breaking characters and I despised it. On the other hand you have, Zombieland Saga (Revenge): where the first season and second season are indistinguishable from each other and just keep on flowing. I held my breath when it came to S because I had a ton of New Game fear in my heart and honestly, I would say it just landed in the middle. The first season of Dragon Maid had a ton of perv pandering and the second season had the same. If hard-pressed, I would say season 2 had a bit more boob jiggling, but overall it wasn’t New Game levels of increase, so it really didn’t move the needle. 

I like how season 2 tried to expand the lore by deepening it’s relationships between characters and reinforcing their ‘from another world’ aspect. I will say, while season 1 kept a lot of the other world vague (I complained about that, but upon this rewatch it didn’t bother me much. I might have been in a reverse isekai rut, but I digress), they did not leave it vague enough for the changes they made. It’s easily glossed over, don’t get me wrong, but in season 1 we saw flashes of a human army being the ones to put the god blade into Tohru and that was part of the reason why she detested humans so much. In season 2 they shift that to a literal god struck her down, which you could brush off, but a tiny part of me is still irked by it. The story is better in season 2, it really rounds Tohru out in a beautiful way so I truly don’t mind, but you know how continuity brain rot is... Also I adore how they really deepened Elma and Tohru’s relationship in season 2, but again, based on the dialog in season 1, they just weren’t set up for the fact that they has supposedly traveled together in season 2. Their fight to finally clear things up was totally stunning though and I’m all about that in-the-past battle kiss they did. 

I guess now it’s time to address the elephant sized chest in the room: Ilulu. When the teaser images for her came out the internet was aflame was how nasty her design was and I was certainly one of them. She is a loli with ENOURMOUS breast, it’s perv pandering at it’s most extreme (especially when I’ve praised the show for not sexualizing Kanna). That being said, she has such great story that I can just, almost, brush that under the rug. Sure seeing her tits smoosh on everything sends a part of my brain into a mental rage, I think most millennials can relate to her story. She’s an adult that was robbed a childhood and is desperate to reclaim that lost part of herself. Her actions are portrayed earnestly and they’re completely understandable. Most of the time when I show adds a new character in a subsequent season, it’s just to squeeze more out of a show instead of for writing purposes (I detail this in my ZLS review and surprise, surprise, one of the culprit examples of this is New Game!!), but Ilulu really fell into the cast in a new way. This season made a ton of time for Elma so there may have been swathes where there wasn’t much Ilulu, but I didn’t feel like she was just there for drama and disappeared. She really integrated into this world. Also, while I may hate her breast, I will give props that, while they have may jiggled all kinds of wrong, there was a lot of thought given into the way they would impede her or be pushed aside by her arms if she as doing something. So I guess there’s that. 

Verdict: 

[imnotoverlyobsessive]

Mabel’s All-in-One Guide to Being a Shooting Star: How to Avoid Being Caught and Other Tips You Should Know

Chapter Three: Not Dipper

A big ol thank you to @edward-or-ford and @pacific-ship!

He’s so tall and handsome as hell; he’s so bad but he does it so well. I can see the end as it begins.- Taylor Swift, Wildest Dreams

Warmth.

Warmth and safety.

Those were the first things Mabel noticed when she woke up for those few brief seconds, the first things she could recall feeling. She was too tired to open her eyes, and her head was freaking killing her, but there was warmth seeping into her skin like melted butter into bread, and something smelled remarkably good.

It wasn’t a familiar smell, not by any means, but she found she liked it quite a lot. She turned her face towards the warm, smooth fabric the scent was coming from, nuzzling it happily with a small smile.

It didn’t help her killer headache, of course, but her bed or whatever it was, it smelled goooooood, and she was all for it.

She felt as if nothing could touch her, there in that little bubble of delicious-smelling warmth, and she wondered idly if Dipper was around, because she only ever felt so happy and safe when she was with him.

When had she seen him last, again? Mabel couldn’t remember. She couldn’t remember anything, really.

Oh well. Whatever. She was warm. She was safe. She was comfortable. She was happy. She smiled again, just a little bit, as her thoughts faded when she lost consciousness again.

She would not be so content when she woke the second time.

———————————————————————

There was a throbbing in her skull. An intense kind, particularly in her temples and behind her eyes. It hurt worse when she opened her eyes, and it took them several rapid blinks to adjust to lights that were actually quite dim, but with her concussion headache, they seemed ridiculously bright against the blue ceiling.

“Yeesh,” she muttered, sitting up on the… was that a chaise? Yup, okay, that was definitely a chaise. She’d never even seen one in person; those things were for fancy people. Mabel had always been many things, but fancy most certainly wasn’t one of them.

Anyway, she was sitting up on the super-duper fancy chaise, her hands supporting her. “My head, what in the…” Dammit, her wrists and arms hurt, too, those were, ugh, were those rope marks? They sure looked like rope marks.

There was a sound nearby when she spoke loud enough to be heard, but Mabel’s head was throbbing so loudly in her ears that she couldn’t hear much of anything. She massaged the skin on her wrists, trying to get the soreness to dissipate. It didn’t.

And then the whole thing came rushing back.

Shit. Was she married to the gnomes now? Was that gonna be her life? No, no, it was fine, gnome marriage wasn’t legally binding, she didn’t think, and even if it was, it wasn’t legal for somebody to marry a whole bunch of people at once, and it definitely wasn’t legal for that somebody to be an unwilling participant. Therefore, any marriage contracts they may or may not have drawn up were null and void, legally speaking. Which meant she needed to escape. Which meant she needed to figure out where she was.

Wait, what about the blood-gnome? What was up with that? Or, shit, the floating glow-dude! What the heckity hecking heckfire was going on with that shiz?

Suddenly, out of nowhere (or perhaps not truly nowhere; she just hadn’t examined where she was just yet, as she hadn’t looked up), a pair of arms wrapped around her, and her head was squished against a very masculine, yummy-smelling (the same smell as before, actually! What a lovely coincidence!) chest. Mr. Hugglebus reached up and threaded his fingers through Mabel’s hair, holding her head against him.

“Mabel,” a voice whispered, like its owner couldn’t believe he was getting to say her name. It was familiar, but also very much not, and Mabel was, like, off-the-charts levels of confuzzled. “Mabel,” the voice said again. “I thought I’d never see you again.”

It was hard to think with the pounding in her ears, but she did her best to ignore it.

She had bigger things to deal with than a headache, no matter how nasty it was.

“Wh- whoa there, friend,” Mabel said shakily, putting her hand on his chest and pushing away from him lightly. Mr. Hugglebus pulled back enough for Mabel to get a proper look at him, and…

Wait.

What?

“Dipper?” she gasped. He said nothing. “What is up with your hair, man?” she laughed. “Or- or your getup, like! What? You goin’ to a fancy party or something? No, no, wait!” she was giggling, and it hurt her head, but it was just so goddamn good to see him she didn’t care. “Okay okay, I know! You’re doing, like, a knock-off impersonation of Gideon, right?” He furrowed his brow, annoyance filling his ice blue eyes.

But… wait. Ice blue eyes? Dipper has brown eyes. They were identical to hers. She knew this. She’d stared into those stupid-beautiful eyes of his a bazillion and one times. She knew her bro bro’s eyes, aight? She knew those suckers. This guy, though. This guy was different. Like. Different different.

“Are you… are you Dipper? ‘Cause like. The Dipster I know won’t even wear color contacts for cosplay purposes, and those eyes ain’t blue naturally, so…”

It was several moments before he finally spoke. He was gazing at her with this weirdly intense look in his eyes (holy crap, those eyes, they were so pretty, nobody’s eyes should be allowed to be that freakin’ blue) she’d never seen on anyone before.

“I’m not… your Dipper,” his emphasis the ‘your’ was strange, condescending, as if he loathed saying it.

She scooted away, her back hitting the arm of the chaise.

All she could think about was a gnome drenched in blood, babbling in terror before exploding violently.

”Then who are you?” she whispered, eyes wide.

He smiled, and not unkindly, either. It was… strange. It was a kind smile from someone who didn’t look like such things came to them naturally. It was nothing like her twin’s smile.

Nothing like it at all.

It did something to her insides. Something she didn’t understand. Something she didn’t know how to interpret or name.

“Don’t worry,” he murmured, keeping his distance, his legs twitching as if he wanted to get closer to her. “I’m not going to hurt you.”

“Okay,” she said, not believing him in the slightest. ‘Cause. Like. The blood-gnome. Had that been him? Had he done that? She hadn’t seen it, but in retrospect, it totally made sense for him to have done that somehow. “But who are you?” she asked again.

“I’m something of an… alternate version of the Dipper you know.” The more he spoke, the more she found his voice to be different and strange. Plus, he looked so similar to Dipper, but Mabel only ever saw her bro’s birthmark once in a blue moon. This guy had it front and center, and his hair was slicked back, and she lowkey wanted to touch it, just to see what it felt like. His voice was deeper than Dipper’s. More monotone, too. It was bizarre.

It was… it was attractive, is what it was. His look and attitude, the whole shebang, it was just insanely attractive. Wait, no, no! Mabel thought to herself. It’s cool, Mabel girl, you’re all good, everything’s a-okay, it’s just that he looks like your bro, alright? No big deal. Well, okay, you shouldn’t be having those kinds of thoughts about your bro, either, but we’re well past that.

“Alternate… version…?” Wait. Shit. Maybe he was… “Are you the anti-Dipper?” She whispered frantically, trying to back away more as if her back wasn’t already firmly pressed against the armrest. “There’s tons of different versions of me, I know that, but I’ve never seen another version of Dipper, and you look just freakin’ like him except for your whole… style and general demeanor, I guess, so-“ she was trying to get up, but holy hot pockets, that was some serious dizziness right there.

Moreover, was there another Mabel in this universe? She hadn’t seen another Mabel in years. It’d be… interesting to see one again. Wait, shit, if he was the anti-Dipper, there was the anti-Mabel somewhere around there, and Mabel was not at all confident she could currently best the anti-Mabel in a fight. And something told her the anti-Mabel wasn’t exactly one for fighting fair and waiting till she was ready. She wasn’t the meme-worth Inigo Montoya, and this wasn’t The Princess Bride.

Dammit.

Wait, he’d said he’d never expected to see her again. And she’d definitely never met him before, she would’ve remembered a fancy, older version of her bro, which could only mean he was talking about the other Mabel. Had something happened to her? Had she left, maybe?

“I’m not,” he cut in quickly, moving towards her slowly, like she was a feral cat ready to book it at any moment. “I’m not the… anti-Dipper, or whatever it was you said.”

She looked around. They appeared to be in some sort of dressing room. No, wait, it was Gideon’s dressing room! Except it wasn’t, because Not-Dipper was there, lounging on the ultra-fancy chaise as if he owned it, which he might very well have done, because Not-Dipper didn’t exactly look like he was a broke college student.

He looked like he used hundred dollar bills as tissues like Woody Harrelson in Zombieland.

Still very much fighting the urge to attempt to GTFO, as the kids say, Mabel turned back to him. “What are you, then?” He blinked for a moment, as if he were surprised, and then she belted out more questions. “What’s your name? How old are you? You don’t look like you’re the same age as me, which is weird if we’re kinda-sorta-pseudo-twins. Why am I here? Where even is here? How-“

“Okay, let’s do this properly, shall we?” He tilted his head when he spoke, the corners of his lips curling upwards in another one of those strange smiles that did something to Mabel’s insides. “One question at a time,” he said, holding up a long, slender finger. “You can ask me anything you want, and I promise to answer truthfully. However,” he crossed one leg over the other, his foot dangling off his knee, the arm closest to her draping casually over the back of the chaise, “for every question I answer, I get to ask one of you in return. You don’t have to answer me, of course, but if you choose not to, that’ll be the end of our little game,” he paused for a moment. “For the time being, at least. Sound fair?”

She nodded hesitantly. She could stop at any time, right?

“Go ahead, then,” he waved the hand that dangled haphazardly over the chaise.

“What’s your name?”

“Mason William Gleeful, but I’ve always been called Dipper,” he said easily, as if he’d been fully expecting that very question.

“Because of the birthmark, I assume,” Mabel was very careful not to phrase it as a question, not to raise the pitch in her voice at the end of her sentence. She didn’t know how he’d react if she asked two questions in a row.

“A fair assumption,” he agreed with a slight nod and another one of those smiles. Ugh. Could ya not, man? Like, for real, Mabel thought. His smile was most definitely not helping her nausea. “And your name? Your full name, if you would.”

“Oh, um,” was she seriously forgetting her own name? Jeez, Mabel, get it together, he’s not Dipper, get over it! “M- Mabel Caroline Pines,” she managed to stutter out.

“Pines, hm? Interesting. Alright then. Shall I go along with your other questions from before, as well?”

She shook her head. “Actually, I was wondering about your last name,” he raised his eyebrows at her and motioned for her to continue. “There’s a sort of… psychic, I guess is what you’d call him, in my universe, and he has that last name. Is that… I mean… we are in what looks like his dressing room, so…”

“I did shows here,” he said quietly, a strange look in his eye, as if he wasn’t seeing her despite looking right at her. “Once upon a time.”

“Oh. I see,” she squeaked out.

His gaze sharpened on her again, and he was moving closer to her, and Mabel tried to back up further, her sneakers scrambling against the fabric of the chaise. Eeek way too close way too close back the fudge up, man, what are you even-

“Why were you in his dressing room?” He was right in front of her face by that point, like waaaaaaay too close, ‘cause their noses were almost brushing and she could see each individual eyelash, and god his eyes were even more startlingly beautiful up close, and she wanted to reach up and touch-

No no no no, bad, bad Mabel, he’s not your Dipper, this is a different version! she told herself firmly. No touchy!

“We gave each other makeovers,” she said, trying very hard to keep her voice even. When he raised his eyebrows at her, she got mildly defensive. “I was twelve! He was… I dunno, ten or eleven! Jeez!” He chuckled at that, then leaned away from her, satisfied with her answer, she supposed, and resumed his previous position as if he’d never moved from it at all.

As if he hadn’t just sent a chill down her spine that was… not altogether unpleasant, which was significantly more concerning than it would’ve been if she’d hated every second he’d been near her.

She pursed her lips and put it from her mind. “How old are you?”

“Twenty-five,” he said easily. “And you?”

“Nineteen,” she told him quietly, surprised at his age. She glanced at the foot he’d balanced on his knee.

His shoes were fancy, too. Everything about him seemed to be. “Not what you were expecting, I see,” he observed from her expressions. Damn her and her expressive face!

“Well, it makes sense, because you certainly look older than… than my Dipper.” Her voice shook on the word ‘my’.

His hand clenched into a fist.

She didn’t know what to think of it. Was he angry, or did it mean nothing?

“But it also doesn’t make sense, because if it’s a parallel universe, we should be the same age, I would think.”

“Well, not necessarily,” Not-Dipper reasoned. “In some universes, time moves at different rates, from what I’ve gathered. In our case, it’s the same, but it seems I was born earlier. I was born in 1993, whereas you were born in…” he thought for a moment, tilting his head to the side. “1999.”

“Oh.” She’d never noticed that when interacting with other Mabels. Perhaps it was simply because she was too preoccupied with not dying. It had seemed rather urgent at the time.

“Indeed,” he nodded. “So, your questions,” he reminded her after a few seconds of silence.

“Right.” What had they been again? He kept looking at her, she had to get him to stop doing that. It was distracting. His eyes were distracting. She couldn’t think when they were in her, dammit. Oh! That was it! “Where are we?”

“My universe. I found you with and brought you here through a portal,” he stuck a hand in his pocket. “If you meant the locale, however, as I said before, this was our-“ he cut himself off, took a breath. “My dressing room until several years ago, when I stopped performing.”

“I… see,” she said slowly. So where was the other Mabel, then? Shouldn’t there be a fancy, blue-eyed, properly Adult™ version of herself somewhere? She looked around the dressing room (holy crapinoli, she didn’t think she’d ever seen so much blue in one room), but there were no signs of a woman anywhere. There were no perfume bottles or makeup on the vanity, no dresses on the clothing rack, nothing.

How strange.

“Why were you in Gravity Falls?” He asked.

“To get away.” Helooked at her questioningly. Did it count if it was an unspoken question? She wasn’t sure, but she wasn’t risking it. “I needed an escape. College can be… stressful.”

That wasn’t the full reason, of course, but she wasn’t lying, either.

“Interesting.” He tapped his fingers on his leg. How could a person’s fingers be pleasant to look at?

“Why did you bring me here?”

“You needed help,” he said simply, shrugging a shoulder. He winced slightly when he did, but just a bit; the change in expression so minor she wasn’t sure she’d seen it at all. “However did you find yourself kidnapped by gnomes, of all things? Gnomes who wanted you for their queen, no less.”

She looked away. It’d been a long time since she had fought against anything but class schedules and exams she wasn’t prepared for.

“They… caught me off guard,” she told him quietly. “They tried something similar when I was a kid, but they lost. It never occurred to me that they might try again.”

“Gnomes are persistent little things,” he mused. “They dislike losing, and they are quite stubborn. It stands to reason that they’d try again if you’d beaten them before.”

“What… what did you do?” Her voice was quiet, almost a whisper. “To the gnomes, I mean. Unless, of course, I’m misremembering, because there is every chance I am, what with the concussion I very likely have and all, so if I am just say the word, but it seemed pretty dang clear that-“

“I killed them,” he said bluntly. His face was bored, disinterested. Apathetic, even. It didn’t even seem to be bothering him. How could it not be bothering him? Unless…

Unless he’d killed before.

The human brain could get used to just about anything if given enough time.

“You- you killed them,” her voice was horrified, she knew. She could hear it in her tone. Yeah, she’d wanted to get away from them, she’d wanted them to leave her alone, and maybe she’d even wanted to give them a good whack, but she hadn’t wanted them dead.

“Of course I did,” he sounded surprised at her reaction. “They hurt you. They were going to hurt you far worse.”

“I know that,” she whispered. “I know that. But that doesn’t give you the right to just… you can’t be someone’s judge, jury, and executioner. That’s not right.”

“I only did it to save you, Mabel.” She had only heard Not-Dipper say her name once before.

It was different than when Dipper said it. Maybe it was because Not-Dipper’s voice was a little deeper, a little smoother-sounding?

“You weren’t safe. Not in your universe.” His eyes were burning, which was strange since they were the color of ice. “I can keep you safe. I will keep you safe.”

“Ummm… that’s cool and all, but that’s pretty freakin’ unsettling, to have somebody just, like. ‘Splode a bunch of gnomes for you,” she eyed him warily, still trying to figure out how to get away from the dude without crawling. Would he get angry with her for not being appreciative? She didn’t want to see him angry. Would he hurt her?

“I don’t want you to be scared of me,” he told her quietly, his voice a little sad.

She almost lied and told him she wasn’t scared of him, that everything was hunky-dorey, and that he should smile.

She didn’t.

“Then maybe you shouldn’t have, I dunno, made people explode in front of me?” She was being sarcastic, she knew, and that was probably a bad idea, but sometimes she just couldn’t help herself.

“Gnomes aren’t people, technically,” he reminded her.

“Semantics,” she waved his argument away. “They’re living creatures. Or they were, anyway, before you decided to go and massacre them.”

Not-Dipper had a look on his face that suggested he wasn’t opposed to killing living creatures, whether they were human or not.

Maybe he already had.

Mabel hoped he hadn’t, but something in the way he held himself gave her a sneaking suspicion that he had.

“I’m sorry if that… bothers you, or if it scares you. I don’t want to make you feel those things,” he sighed. “That said, I think it’d be best if I were up front with you: if put in the same situation again -if you were in danger again, that is to say- I’d do the same thing.”

She crossed her arms, pursed her lips, and glared at him. “Take me home, please.”

There was panic in his eyes. “I- I can’t.”

“Why not?”

“The portal… it doesn’t work like that. I’ll have to find another way to get you back,” he explained. She was still glaring at him when he continued. “But for the time being, you can stay with me. If you want,” he turned his body to face her for the first time since he’d hugged her.

“Well. I suppose that’ll have to- WHAT ON EARTH IS THAT?” She was pointing, horrified, to his shoulder, where one arrow, perhaps about a foot long, was embedded in his shoulder. Another was in his side, the one that had been facing away from her. Blood had seeped through to pool around the entry wounds, though the bleeding seemed to have stopped. His eyes followed her shaking finger.

“Oh, right. I got shot with a couple of arrows. Just gnome ones, though, so they’re quite small,” she dropped her hand back to the soft fabric of the chaise.

“Okay, so you saved me, and you got hurt doing it,” she was saying this to herself, staring at her knees and speaking as if he couldn’t hear her when he could absolutely hear her. “Okay. Okay. This is fine, this is fine, Mabel girl.” She looked back up at him. “Okay, let’s go… wherever we need to go for you to treat those… yeah…”

“Very well,” he agreed. “I’ll take you there.”

He helped her to her feet, and she still found herself a bit dizzy, wobbling a bit.

“Would you like me to carry you?” he offered, steadying her with a hand on her arm.

“Carry m- say what now?”

“I don’t mind, particularly if you’re having difficulty walking still.” As if that explanation was adequate! Why was homeboy cool with it at all, though? She’d gotten a hella nasty gash on her leg once in PE, can ya guess how many people offered to freakin’ carry her to the nurse? Zero, is the answer. Zero.

What a weird dude. And Mabel was in love with her gay twin brother, so if she, of all people, thinks you’re weird, then you are weird.

“Nope!” she squeaked out way too quickly to sound even remotely close to being normal. “I’m good on the carrying front, thanks! Got it covered!”

“Suit yourself.” Ugh why, why was he smiling that smile again, it reminded her of Dipper and also not, and it made her nervous as all hell. “This way.” And with that, he promptly strolled out of his dressing room, clearly expecting her to follow.