#thoughts by admin 2

[slavhew]

totally real interview

[idkplzhalp]

The Admin in TF2 comic 7 was so GLaDOS and Caroline (Portal) coded. Her character has made me tear up multiple times, there's such complexity to her I'm so upset.

(TF2 comic 7 spoilers)

Anyways. I think her arc is Caro/GLaDOS coded due to similar ways of keeping up this cold facade and then being the pettiest woman on the planet. GLaDOS' cut voice lines are so petty, I posted some earlier but like the way she tries to guilt Chell and makes stuff up... oh girl. And Admin put up a big fake idea of what she was doing and then turns out she's trying to keep one single guy alive for an event she cannot even remember.

They both are so focused on their goals and only do things to help themselves (though GLaDOS definitely gets more of a redemption, at least end of Portal 2). Admin only cared about Pauling & her team in comic 7 because of potentially having australium, then abandoned Pauling when she said no. GLaDOS sent the co-op bots out to rescue the humans, they saved them so she stopped using the robots, and only chose to use them again because she killed all the humans and had no one left to test. They both seem to get bored easily of whatever doesn't help their goals. Bored of anything outside of their path. An obsessiveness. GLaDOS because of the mainframe, it's built into her, and Admin because of wanting to get vengeance for her parents, which had spiraled into her full personality.

Pre-australium Helen was more Caroline in my mind, mainly in her appearance, but also the section about Zepheniah dying? The frame of Admins absolute apathy for life? She lost all her purpose now that he's dead and she feels like she didn't win.

The general story of getting so wronged by someone and basically traumatized into a different personality (Caroline -> GLaDOS -> PotatOS, Young Helen -> Pre-Australium Helen -> Administrator) is very similar. There's this spiral/shift that both of them had.

^ (Her appearance in these, like okayyyy slay girl you look just like Caroline (similarish hair & nose shape)).

^ The feelings that come from the panels of Admin are so strong, you can so easily read what state she's in. Caroline coded in my heart. The way the mansion is left uncared for while Admin sits depressed in bed was just. So emotional for me?

I don't think Caroline felt that way about Cave, the hatred Admin did for Zepheniah, as it was very implied they were besties at least for awhile (notably in scrapped voicelines from Cave about her). The hatred was more likely at the scientists, as they genuinely had no care for her (think about LabRat where they dehumanize GLaDOS and call her "it" during activation tests). Though I feel she'd hold the grief that Admin did for Zepheniah in a different way. Admin is grieving because her purpose in life since childhood was lost, she has no one to focus revenge on anymore once it settles in that Zeph' was dead forever. Caroline lost a friend and was forced into a fate she didn't want, mistreated by employees, left angry and isolated forever. She lived to be the highest assistant of Aperture, working as one for 40 years prior. So in a sense, her purpose was lost as well. We don't hear anything from the Caroline CEO era so I'd like to think she took a step back as she awaited her fate. She probably was barely keeping things together from the stress (though not to undermine how good at her job she was, I just think she'd be depressed for at least some of her CEO time). That's more headcanon territory though, and I wish there was a way we could get more confirmation on how she acted then.

Caroline wanted to live out the rest of her natural life, but it was forcibly cut short and turned into something else. Opposite end, Admin wanted to end her natural life and was forcibly kept alive. While Admin initially didn't want to live, she got stuck in a cycle of trying to spite this guy forever and it was for nothing, she ruined people's lives in the process (Mainly Pauling, ohhh she was so betrayed, someone SAVE HER).

Both were fated to live basically forever and forgot the reasons why they feel the way they do.. GLaDOS didn't remember Caroline/her being a human while Admin forgot how her parents died/that Zepheniah likely killed them.

They are wasting their time forever. GLaDOS is testing and evolving science for NO ONE but herself. Forever. She's alone. Implied to feel lonely in the Lego Dimensions song + her VA thinks so too. Eventually she'd run out of materials and there's no people left to either help her or torture her. Admin admits herself that her plan was a waste of a hundred years and for a moment she's sad. Such big efforts for something miniscule in the end!

TLDR, Both characters were mistreated at some point in life, causing them to became isolated from everyone around them. They're both self absorbed and manipulated everyone they knew for an objective that only mattered to themselves. They had no reason to be rational anymore and their hatred for normal life pleasures grew as they strayed farther from humanity.

And both are voiced by Ellen McLain, nicest woman on the planet. Wow. Thanks Valve.

Really gives same character different universe, doesn't it.

[sashimew-the-cat]

Some short fuse stuff (Click for better quality)

[thinkin-bout-milgram]

Episode 42: Survival of the Fittest (Note: The title in Japanese is written as 弱肉共食 [jaku niku kyou shoku] pronounced the same and spelled very similar to the Japanese title for Haruka's first MV 弱肉強食)

Disclaimer: I don’t take credit for the translations. These are from the official Milgram account and put on the comic for a more friendly viewing experience.

-mercury

[soulmvtes]

finally have a lil day to myself after so long + i'm completing tasks i've been putting off :)

[bustedshit]

" You gonna me let me pay this time? "

" Not a chance, Mon Cher. "

[sansbydaily]

Sans x Grillby unironically got me through one of the worst depressive episodes in my life ever. I can’t explain why this ship means so much to me despite how much I comedize it but just trust me when I say it reformed the way I viewed love as a whole and taught me how to love myself and others again. I don’t know why I stuck to Sansby out of like literally any ship possible but it just grew on me like it did back in 2017. I guess what I’m trying to say is that coping mechanisms come in different forms for everyone. For a while I thought it was rather silly and really really freaking stupid that I found so much whimsical joy in watching a skeleton and a fire monster fall into super duper gay love. It made me happy though!

Don’t be afraid to allow yourself to indulge in ridiculous tomfoolery or things you find childish because apart of healing is finding childlike joy in the small things in life.  I really do owe a lot of my love for this ship from @perniciouslizard ‘s fic series, though. Show them so love!

[molliemoo3]

I need to bite his hand

[single-malt-scotch]

i am saying this purely for meta discussion and not as a negative criticism to the series and its admins but i think fans may need to consider that some of what the life series post-SL has tried to come off as "random" and undetermined is not random and is actually targeted/assigned to players at times. i know there is no solid confirmation on this happening (as in i dont think any admins has strictly said it) but after seeing some of SL having strangely targeted tasks, then the WL quiz bot having oddly fitting questions (and the way the bots worked, they did have to be "assigned" clearly to players so they couldnt be stolen), and now very obvious super powers that are practically made for certain people-- yes i think i can go with the assumption that many parts of these newer gimmicks are targeted at certain players and are not random at all.

whether or not this is a good thing is up for debate, and i do not at all think theres something wrong with it in the sense of, us as viewers not knowing for sure if theyre determined or random. but i think it really defines a shift in the series. especially if we look back to moments like the quiz, where references and questions were made by fans (yes, fans, as much as the artists were commissioned/requested to work by grian directly they are fans) brought into question fan influence on the series itself going forward and so...

i already talked abt the flow of the smp series changing but, knowing this it does add on to the feeling that the series really is more about the gimmicks rather than the natural core survival elements, for entertainment. because we are at the point where gimmicks arent *about dying* or the vanilla survival mechanics, theyre just additions of Something going on that some times has no effect on dying anyways. its about the reactions to the gimmick and whether or not the fans like the gimmick. and, i can easily see how that would start to take away some of the actual randomness and instead assign things like the super powers, as theyd be catered to the players more in in turn more likely please fans because it fits.

i already personally disliked how some of SL's tasks were due to this (tho i had issues that were less abt how they were assigned), but on the other hand today's wildcard imo was well crafted and fun, and did not actually cause blatant issues compared to previous ones like the snail. still, knowing how 'fitting' the powers were for some, made it feel like an entirely separate series crafted specifically for the fandom fun of powers that fit our fave guys and not at all something related to the Life series as it has been.

[slavhew]

i reread this scene and i could just. picture it. so vividly.

[askthechronoverse]

So I think how it works is I propose a plot that I want to see and if we want to continue we can.

I have honestly been dying for an RJ and Benny reunion. It could be set in the past if you want to do something now because RJ in prison makes him unavailable.

I do write in a (much) later chapter that Kit does know Benny, enough to call him her uncle. Fun space adventures with the kid could be something to do as well.

[avenirdelight]

why are people so funny😭😭 they’re saying that the social media admin is milking the utd win too much and telling them (the admins, not the players) to “stay humble” and focus on the next game…?? b- but it’s their job😭😭 why would a professional football club’s social media team make their weekly schedule like

sunday: matchday | monday: post pics | tuesday: post videos | wednesday: stay humble

?? i’d rather have them spam me with every single content they could possibly offer than having our social media (especially youtube) full of dust and cobwebs like last season😭😭 let’s relive every win every single day before we can’t do it anymore!! (this season’s matchday uncuts are on another level istg i start crying every time the piano comes on)

[imagine-nerd]

The fucking disconnect is so real.

[thinkin-bout-milgram]

Cat: Initial Thoughts

Venus here, sorry if this is shakier than usual! I have a lot less thoughts on this MV for one reason or another, so it’ll probably be faster and possibly less detailed, but I want to get my opinions into the world anyways.

Let’s just get to it!

T/W: suicide, substance abuse, homophobia

Kazui didn’t cheat on his wife.

As always, I’m using @onigiriico​’s super fast translation of the audio drama, so thanks so much!

In said audio drama, Es says Kazui was unfaithful. However, he says that “it didn’t even turn into infidelity.” Obviously, that implies that it could have been or that it got close, but he doesn’t say it’s actually infidelity, and in most senses, I’m willing to believe him.

At 2:20, Kazui has just recently had the apple sneak up on him again. He seems distressed, saying he “can’t be normal,” and then takes off his ring and says, cigarette in hand, “let’s take a breather.” His wife looks quite distressed. 

My best guess is that this is Kazui asking for a break. Now, obviously, it’s not the most faithful thing to be super tempted in cheating to the point of asking for a break. Still, it does mean that he did stop himself before he violated an active relationship where it seemed like nothing was wrong, so that’s a plus.

I’m not sure if it was just straight-up temptation or if he might have had an emotional affair with someone. Emotional affair would make some sense to me (more on that in a sec), but I have no idea who it would be with. I’m honestly hoping the interview questions might help us out there to an extent.

The person Kazui didn’t-quite-cheat with is someone who stands out from the other people Kazui meets.

This is largely based upon my interpretation of 1:08, shortly after the wedding sequence.

There are a ton of apples, but most of them are red. In fact, we only see one green apple. That green apple is the one that follows Kazui throughout the rest of this MV, and it’s the one that keeps sneaking up on him in the half MV. Because it’s the one he eventually bites, I think there’s plenty of reason to believe that this is the person he has relations with outside of his marriage.

I want to focus on the fact that it is green, because that obviously makes it stand out. I don’t think that this is just to make it more identifiable; I think there’s a point being made here.

Kazui IS gay?

Yeah, uh... I wasn’t sold on this one at first, when I first watched half, but as I think I’ve said before, the longer we go on, the more I think it’s true. Like, yeah, it does seem like there’s more to it than just Kazui having relations outside of his marriage.

The entire MV, he’s talking about the charade. He’s clearly living the life that a guy is “supposed” to lead; eventually, you get married to a woman and go down the journey of life together. Still, the fact that, even at the altar, he calls it “loving affection minus love” seems to imply that he feels, at least in retrospect, like the love was never present. He didn’t fall out of love with his wife, it simply wasn’t ever there. He married her out of obligation.

Through in the suspect interview questions about his childhood friend who he went fishing with or whatever and lines from Kazui’s POV saying stuff like “I can’t be normal,” and... I think Kazui is kinda just a closeted gay man?

I say “just” here, and I mean that literally. If you trust his audio drama, he says that he wants his “sin” to be found out, but even so, Es hasn’t found it yet. To me, my best theory is that he just has internalized homophobia and his big “sin” is the fact that he’s gay. I honestly kinda hate this explanation though, just because that is nowhere NEAR a crime on the level of the other prisoners, so please let me know if you disagree/if I’m missing something here.

Kazui has developed some unhealthy coping mechanisms.

I don’t remember if we’ve heard why Kazui smokes before. I know that Shidou says that he does it because he wants to be unhealthy, and Mikoto presumably does because he thinks it makes him seem cool or something. I don’t remember learning anything similar about Kazui.

Still, with the moments at which he pulls out a cigarette or a drink in this MV, I definitely feel like he’s using substances to dull the pain of... I don’t know, life? His constant lying and the self hatred that goes along with it, probably. 

Obviously, he went to the bar in the half MV, but this time, the devs are definitely trying to draw attention to it. There’s a line in the song that’s literally just “oh wow I’m drunk,” and that line is important enough that it shows up as background text at other points in the MV. 

I don’t really know what this means for Kazui character interpretation, but it’s something to consider. For whatever it’s worth, it does make me believe the self-pitying “act” a little bit more; if he didn’t actually pity himself/feel upset that he has to lie all the time, I don’t know what he’s drinking so much for.

Kazui’s wife committed suicide because... ???

This is one of the big places where I’m kinda stumped. Kazui says that she died because he told her the truth. If I’m right and his crime is being gay... I don’t get it? 

I know that divorce is pretty taboo in Japan, so my best shot at it would be that, in being honest with everything, Kazui asks for a divorce because he knows that he can’t ever love her. If that would mean that she’s dead socially or something, that COULD be a potential reason she would commit suicide? I don’t love that explanation, but it’s all that I have right now.

Other Things I Want To Mention But Don’t Have Full Thoughts On:

- In the first MV, Kazui bites the apple. In the second one, he bites the dove. There’s probably some connection here, but I honestly have no idea what it could be.

- “Love, it’s tacky, this two way deceit.” What two-way deceit is Kazui talking about? Like, I get him calling himself the perpetrator and her the victim if he’s saying she’s a victim of his lies. Still, if that’s the case, why would the deceit be two-way? 

- Copzui canon? I saw that undercover cop theory and mostly disregarded it as “probably too out there to be true,” but honestly, it seems basically confirmed at this point. The only struggle I have is what to do with the information. I don’t think that knowing he’s a cop really changes anything about how I read his character or the situation? Other than possibly suggesting that yes, he cares very much about social laws/rules and making sure society stays “correct.”

- What do I make of Kazui asking for an innocent verdict along with the premise of “I can protect the other prisoners”? I don’t really like him bargaining with his strength for a verdict--especially after Kotoko trial 1, I don’t trust bartered verdicts--but on the other hand, it’s true that it’d be nice to have him on defense for whatever the devs might spring on us between trials 2 and 3. 

Anyways...

CURRENT VOTE: INNOCENT

I was actually pretty shocked when I opened the votes and saw a slight guilty majority. To me, the big thing is that... well, I don’t really know why I’d vote him guilty. He’s useful to us, he doesn’t seem like he’s done all that much wrong. I can’t really come up with a genuine reason that I’d want to give him a guilty verdict at this point, so it’s innocent for me.

(Plus, if I’m not sure, I always lean towards a 50/50 so it’s more possible to change the verdict later. So, while he’s guilty-leaning, I’m DEFINITELY voting innocent.)

[missingn000]