#though you make a compelling case.
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esleep · 1 year ago
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sskk-manifesto · 4 months ago
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Ep 5!!!
#Episodes that make me go “The author has never talked with a woman ever” 😓😓😓#I don't like how Lucy's character is handled at all. And I feel like I can't talk about it because I'm just going to sound like a bitter–#ss/kk shipper... But I really don't like it. And if it can help my case I'm a multishipper so I really don't take any–#issues with atsu/lucy I like the ship quite a lot actually.#So you're telling me there's this girl... Who meets this boy who pretty much ruined her life by directly causing her to lose her job...#And the next time she sees him she's going to sacrifice her own freedom for him as well as tell him “when you're done doing your things–#come and save me” (longest ewwww ever)... And when she regains freedom (author didn't bother to explain how because they don't care)–#she goes to work... As a waitress at the café beneath his workplace. So he can keep doing his Cool Superpowers Job while she literally–#must serve him every time he visits the place. It's just ?????????????????????????????????#Look‚ I don't dislike Lucy and I feel general affection towards her. It's just that they make her act like no one ever would#Just for the sake of the plot I guess#And like I knoww it's (probably just a little) more nuanced than that. I know Lucy is living her own fairy tale fantasy.#It's just that what I've said about her story is still true‚ you know?#I'm sorry but as sweet as atsu/lucy can be. I really hate the author for making Lucy a waitress. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry.#It's so weird. This anime has women writing standards that feel like dating back to the 20s#Same with Katai and the ideal woman tbh. Like why are women to be seen as this abstract impersonal entities? Why can't they just be people?#Ideal for WHO. It's like super screwed up of a concept. What even is an ideal woman? What does it mean to be a woman anyways?#They just want to say “ideal wife”. But women aren't made to be wives their existence isn't functional to another person.#Sorry. I derail. Next episode is going to be even worse on this front ughhhh#Back to the episode: once again it really shows they were running out of budget with this season‚‚‚ the animation looks very suffered#Too many flashback also... I feel bad for the animators tbh#I don't really like the shift in art style :( Not even Atsushi I found particularly pretty this episode my heart cries#The nail pulling thing made me feel like throwing up afhsjyabfsbfwasfvb I feel like I can bear worse gore but there's a couple of little–#specific things I can't stand and this seems to be one of them pffftttt#I like Higuchi I think she's both very funny and cool. I really wish she was explored more (but then again looking at Teruko... )#The relationship between Kunikida and Katai looks so interesting even though we only get glimpses of it. Kunikida regrets Katai leaving–#the ada but is also happy for him but also worries for him. He comes to his house seemingly to check on him and starts cleaning around.#The way he loves him and cherishes their friendship and shared history is really evident and it makes for a compelling dynamic.#Perhaps I should read their short story... In any case. Going to someone's house and compulsively start doing the dishes half out of will–#to help out half because he can't bear the mess sounds a lot like something I'd do lol
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ratwars · 1 year ago
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You would think I would be picky with ships involving my husband but you could even ship Fyodor with *checks notes* Yosano and I would still be intrigued as hell.
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nostalgia-tblr · 3 months ago
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i think my recent fic about torturing brad didn't really make enough of the gap between what was happening in the episode (ie brad being tortured) and what the characters thought was happening (Not Torture) and how that's the whole TVA thing in a nutshell really. but i accept that i to some extent (greater or lesser, not sure as it's not like me and the readers discussed the issue) failed and maybe i should try again at some later date. or not. i don't know really. the TVA torturing people is clearly (to me, anyway) a massive blindspot both in and out of that fictional reality, and so i want to point at it also i don't because people wouldn't like that. understandably.
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dunadaan · 6 months ago
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I’ve been feeling Créa creep up on me as of late and today I went back and reread my little document where I type up random ideas for scenes/fics and I was like. Wow who wrote this. This is really good. Why isn’t there more of this damn. But also wow I really put miss créa through the blender and she is a fine red mist a lot. But that is the life of a ranger…and even when she’s not a ranger anymore I press blend on high and she is sadly used to that
#(I forgot what made me think of it but I had this fantastic idea post war where Créa has tried to keep herself together)#(and it’s one specific incident that really makes her crack- I wrote a really compelling idea of her having PTSD and it unexpectedly)#(manifesting in a place where she didn’t anticipate it. and ofc it’s medieval medicine so they don’t know what PTSD is exactly but they)#(not like we know ptsd anyways. so it’s a really interesting exploration of grief and suppression and dealing with it- or not dealing with)#(it in this case. bc she’s avoided it for years and she’s like. god I fucking miss being a ranger so much. that was ME.)#(now I’m not a ranger anymore and I lost my entire identity)#(she can’t return to Evendim for a long time and desperately misses it. most of her friends are dead)#(or gone up north or treat her differently)#(she feels really isolated and alone even though she’s aware she’s not but it’s a lot to deal with!!! and I didn’t quite have an ending)#(but it was really compelling and I need to return to it one day)#(the other one I wrote ideas for and wrote a small scene was crea’s first experience meeting rangers)#(back when the angle was new. sighs. the potential…crea interacting with and learning ranger culture for the first time)#(after being alienated and kept away not of her own will. and her having a scene with faeron and standing on the bridge with him)#(but also of her thinking of what her life might’ve been like had she not been lied to about her heritage or had it hidden)#(she’s at a huge disadvantage-she barely knows dúnedain/elf history or sindarin etc. she could’ve had a whole different life)#(and AGAIN the theme of GRIEF- grieving smth that was kept from you. a life you’ll never have but could’ve)#(anyways. that probably all could’ve been in a post LOL and not in tags)#(but yeah damn!!! I was writing some good stuff!!!)#(now I wanna replay all the LOTRO areas again..)
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medicinemane · 1 year ago
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Like I've said, I try not to talk about it too much because it is a heavy topic, and I don't want people overwhelmed and burnt out to the point it all feels hopeless and they tune out
But the reason I do sometimes share stories like that last one about Ukraine is... I just... I really want to make sure people understand what this war is about
If russia pulls out... they fail to expand their territory and they have to go back and lick their wounds... that's it
If Ukraine gives up... they die. Towns under russia occupation are bad. Real bad. I don't share most of it because of how horrendous it is. Then people not under occupation can still have a missile hit their house at any time for not reason
It's literally a matter of life and death vs colonial ambitions
So I try to keep from bringing it up too often cause I understand the fatigue we all feel from all the horrible news we get, but this is why I feel so strongly about this, and this is why I hope that you, whoever you are reading this, also at least generally support Ukraine even if you can't keep up with all the details
I just don't want any more kids dying in missile strikes
#I follow stuff which means that I hear news like this pretty much daily; though usually they're not that young#but civilians are killed almost every day#and that's ignoring; as in literally ignoring; that a lot of the Ukrainian army right now is made up of#just normal Ukrainians trying to throw out the invaders#and a lot of them die too; and that one doesn't even end up being a blip on the radar generally#even though many of them were civilians before the invasion and only have a uniform on to defend their homes#anyway... like I said; if you don't really keep up with it#but you have a general sense of supporting Ukraine and thinking they deserve military aid; we're on the same page#thank you very much#if not; I really do wonder why; as in I'd be happy to talk about why I feel how I feel#cause I feel like there's enough information that makes a compelling case for why they deserve help#anyway... sorry; just... I just see a kid getting killed by a missile and it gets to me#and I can't do a damn thing; but I at least have to say something#and I seriously do try and minimize how much I pass on to avoid fatigue#cause I know that like... in the past when there's been major news going on#I've had people tell me they appreciate that they can scroll my blog without being reminded of it#cause they know; they know; they hear about it every second of the day already#and like... seriously; I appreciate where that feeling's coming from#I want to foster just a place where people can mostly chill#but like... I only ever hear about Ukraine from Ukrainians#(or the one Romanian I follow; but we're gonna lump them into the same basket for a moment)#so... you'll have to forgive me if I assume most people here don't know what's going on in Ukraine like I do#this isn't a judgement thing; it's just the news in the west here doesn't talk about it much like the did in the beginning#I'm not accusing anyone of not caring; I'm just saying that you'll have to forgive me#cause I've got to assume you actually legitimately don't know the latest info#and you'll have to forgive me if I assume that you don't really tend to hear that info very often from many sources#basically; I'm not judging at all; but basically if I'm wrong and this is something you're being bombarded with#forgive me for thinking you aren't; because I don't see a hint of it#except from a sphere of Eastern Europeans on here or the people I follow specifically for this on youtube#basically; know me thinking you don't hear about this isn't something negative I'm saying about you
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marshmellowtea · 2 years ago
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there's something tragic of course but also something morbidly funny about going through the first parts of the game knowing lila is actually the player character and not will
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worldofgoo · 2 years ago
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How do I stop being a Hater like you it’s bad for my mental health
good question... hm... idk why it happened exactly so the easiest answer would be to just be me but that is not very useful to other people
probably a really big factor is just removing myself from things that make me angry. in my case thats mostly discourse since that was the main thing that pissed me off (and kind of made me doubtful about human nature in general tbh), but that did include also just not being around things that irritated me or didnt interest me either. its probably why i dont follow or follow back many people now, even though im sure most of them are very normal and nice, just kinda curating my surroundings ig
if irl is also exacerbating Hater Tendencies, or its things online that you can't necessarily avoid, I feel like the other side is to just try to understand the thing or people you're being a Hater about, and why some people like it or think the way they do even if its baffling to you. since there's some things you just can't change, or aren't worth the energy to change
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mad-hunts · 24 days ago
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the relationship that jack had forged with his father was different than the others in ways he couldn't explain. for example, in comparison to matilda whom always seemed to be hyperaware of where her and barton stood, jack felt like he never quite knew where he quote unquote 'was' with his own caretaker — leading to these issues he had with attachment that a therapist long ago once told him were likely due to the fact he grew up in such an unstable environment.
but flying the coop, though it sometimes seemed appealing, was not something jack felt like he could do. because despite everything that barton had put him and their family through, jack felt this strong sense of loyalty to the rest of his siblings as well as to his father. and its not like he had a stable job at the moment; he was trying to secure a spot with a ballet company, after all, which was his true dream. but jack was working part-time as a lifeguard in between all of his classes and ballet related events.
which actually wasn't that bad of a job all things considered. it reminded him at first of how, after julien had died, he'd been afraid of the ocean for several years however. it was like jack's heart was on overdrive even around small bodies of water back then. so developing the strength to overcome this fear was probably the best thing for jack. and considering what had happened to gotham in recent events (with the riddler flooding the city), it made him think about how lucky he was to have done so before that all occurred.
i mean, could you imagine what it would've been like if jack still had thalassophobia with the flood suddenly hitting gotham like it did? lets just say, jack was grateful that jervis filled up some of the silence in the room right after he was burdened with that train of thought. a lopsided smile spread across his lips at jervis's approving comments about colin. jack had actually been keeping the fact he had a boyfriend a secret from his father, for fear that barton would take one look at colin and tell him 'no.'
therefore, it felt good to hear that from someone. the only thing he uttered was a soft 'yeah' in response to that as his eyes darted to jervis's moving hand, ❝ okay. do you like your eggs scrambled, or sunny-side up? and do you want just butter on the bread or is strawberry jam also good with you? ❞ that, as far as he could remember, was the only type they had in the fridge. jack kept his gaze on the cards as jervis spoke now, but let him know he was listening by nodding to what the other was saying.
❝ well, i'd definitely say it's a process. but you know what's funny? i don't know if you believe in any sort of afterlife but... ❞ and that was where barton had cut in, standing at the doorway as if he was waiting to be invited in like a vampire. and trust me when i say the doctor knew that jervis was probably not thrilled to see him. for, not even barton's own son looked to be eager to see him, but maybe that was just because jack knew the two held a general distaste for one another? barton didn't know but he waited in silence in any case for the farceur to leave the room with the medicine he'd given jervis.
he stepped in then only to reveal that, although he wasn't in dire straits anymore, he was still hooked up to an IV on a pole: which was a humble reminder to barton that his degree of brain swelling couldn't go away on its own. though, he wished it could. the expression on his face when jervis spoke to him said all that needed to be said: barton didn't believe for a second that the other meant that. ❝ no, you want to see me burn in hell, don't you? the least you can do is be honest about it. ❞
he stated this in a very 'matter-of-fact' tone, as if the thought of someone hating him that much didn't affect him. an incredulous chuckle left barton's mouth afterward, though, and that wasn't nothing. he slowly but surely used that IV pole as leverage to drag himself over to the cabinet next to jervis's bedside. opening the bottom drawer revealed old clothes of barton's within it, ❝ ravi, the man you met down at the bistro we went to earlier today? he called me, and he immediately asked me if i was in some form of trouble. because ravi told me he had to lie to the cops about us being at the bistro. ❞
barton pulled out a clean shirt to replace his dirty and bloodied one with before turning to face jervis, ❝ and i thought we were in enough trouble already, but marty, the guy i killed was apparently the son of a police captain. meaning those pigs in the GCPD might not actually stop until they find us. so i might need your help with creating a very... elaborate plan to kill him. ❞
Poor Jack's anxiety was written all over his face and body language. Despite his efforts to appear calm and reassuring, Jervis could sense the strain beneath the surface. Though he disliked Barton, he couldn't bring himself to be indifferent. It wasn’t in his nature to ignore someone else's pain, and the last four hours must have been brutal for the Mathis siblings.
A part of Jervis was still ashamed that he had even lost consciousness under the physical and mental strain, sinking into the depths of his mind like something swept away by the Lethe’s currents—except, unlike the myth, Jervis couldn’t forget. His past, fractured as it was, stayed with him. And as much as his memories pained him, Jervis refused to let them go. Forgetting Alice and Sylvie would be like losing them all over again. That was unbearable.
A shiver ran down his spine at the thought, and his hand instinctively reached for the chain beneath his collar, rolling his and Sylvie’s wedding rings like rings on an astrolabe.
He wasn't a fool. Jervis knew this was a difficult situation they had dragged Jack and Matilda into, and he felt sorry for both. But his empathy ran deepest for Jack. He didn’t know the young man well, but there was an unmistakable connection—a shared understanding, almost like neurons firing in unison. What had Sylvie once told him? Something about fungal hyphae—that they could sense their environment, responding to the slightest change. They weren’t like staid, immobile plants, she had said. Hyphae were dynamic, constantly adapting to their surroundings.
Even all these years, Jervis could still hear her voice, vividly recall the way her eyes lit up when she spoke of such things. "They feel their way through the world," she'd explained, with that endearing mixture of fascination and tenderness he had grown to love so well. "They detect ridges and surfaces, change their shape to fit. They know how to survive, how to grow, even in the strangest conditions."
It had stuck with him, the way she saw life in things most people overlooked. Jervis laid there, nodding faintly as Jack's voice washed over him; the parallel trains of thought made him pause. Maybe grief was like that too—constantly adapting, reshaping itself to fit the cracks in your soul.
Jervis’ hand loosened on the chain as he looked over at Jack, the faint clink of the rings barely audible as they slid along the silver links. He nodded slowly, his gaze dropping briefly. "Yeah... She was everything," he said quietly, almost to himself. His voice wavered, caught between the here and now and somewhere else entirely; hoarse but steadying. "Accepted every part of me, even the worst parts." His fingers tightened again, this time more gently, as if grounding himself.
Behind Jack, Sylvie was seated on the floor, legs folded casually beneath her. She tilted her head, a knowing smile playing on her lips. "You always were too hard on yourself," she murmured, her tone light.
Jervis' breath hitched, his eyes briefly closing before refocusing on Jack. "You and Colin—he sounds good for you. Someone who keeps you on your toes, makes life richer." He paused, blinking slowly as though waking from a dream. "That’s… important."
Sylvie stood now, a faint shimmer at the edge of his vision, her fingers brushing lightly against his arm as she passed. "I’m still here, you know." Her voice was soft, steady. "You called me."
Jervis swallowed hard, his hand instinctively reaching for the space where her touch lingered before dropping back to his side on the mattress. "Breakfast for dinner sounds good," he said, almost absently, a quiet smile tugging at the corner of his mouth. "I think… I’d like that."
His eyes flicked once more to where Sylvie had been; gone without a trace, but the weight of her presence still lingered like a hint of smoke drifting in the breeze.
"You know…" Jervis started again, the words coming slowly as he glanced back at Jack while he began sifting through the tarot cards. "It's strange. Sometimes you think you’re done… that you’ve made your peace, and then the grief sneaks back up on you. Makes you feel like you’re right back where you started... it's almost enough to drive anyone mad... but it's a process, right?"
The moment shattered with a soft clearing of a throat from the doorway. Jervis tensed, every muscle recoiling. He didn’t need to look up to know who it was. Oh, bloody hell… this bloke, again?
It took everything in him not to snap at Barton to piss off. Irritation surged through his chest, white-hot, but exhaustion won out. He almost couldn’t bring himself to react, in all honesty, the weariness in his bones outweighing the anger... You’re like a damn cockroach… he thought, half-bitter, half-bemused. Terribly rude of you to interrupt.
"Hey, citrouille," Barton said casually to Jack. "Mind stepping out for a minute? I need to talk to Jervis."
Jack hesitated, glancing between his father and Jervis, but eventually rose. Barton patted him on the shoulder, tone light, as if unaware—or possibly indifferent—to the tension in the air.
As Jack left, Barton held up his phone, waving it in front of Jervis. "I just got an interesting phone call I thought you might want to hear about."
Jervis exhaled, met Barton’s gaze. It took every ounce of flagging willpower not to tell him exactly where he could stick his ‘interesting’ call. Sylvie’s presence slipped further from his mind, swallowed by the suffocating weight of Barton’s intrusion.
He forced a tired smile, his voice flat. "Glad to see you back on your feet," he finally muttered. "At least one of us is standing upright."
#divingdownthehole#tw: mentions of murder.#tw: fear.#AHH okay (': well i'm glad to hear that you're okay with me bringing his bottle blonde meanie-head self back LOL#but you're so welcome!! you seriously deserve to be showered in compliments in my humble opinion for how beautifully you've#been portraying / writing your version of jervis :D but oh no not at all!! i think that everything you've been including in your replies ha#been REALLY good stuff for lack of better words haha. but TBH i totally understand giving your characters a tragic backstory as in-#my opinion even though i hate doing it at the same time... i feel like it makes them more compelling so i can't help it JSJSJ#but yeah i totally understand what you're saying + i'd never accuse you of that! so its all gooddd <33 but aww well i'm just telling you th#truth!!! you are AMAZING at painting pictures in people's minds of what's going on with your jervis (or in mine in this case) and you#deserved to be recognized for that (: but yeahhh gosh. now IDK if this is the right way to look at it but i feel like this might be one#of those situations where if a character knew what would happen in the future then they might've taken the opportunity to rest BUT#you know your jervis best OFC so i'm not going to assume that of him!! but no matter what its pretty much a universal truth that what#he went through was terrible and at the risk of sounding like a broken record... your jervis truly did deserve better 💔#but you're absolutely right. hindsight is everything TBH
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literaryvein-reblogs · 3 months ago
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Writing Notes: The Shape of Story
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by Christina Wodtke 
Start with Conflicted Characters
The character needs a goal, a motivation and a conflict.
The goal can be alien to your audience,
but the motivation must be shared by them, and
the conflict creates struggles that increase engagement.
Paint a Picture
Details transport you into the story.
The world disappears and you have a story play in your head.
Even though there are no literal pictures.
But be careful—Too many details and the story gets bogged down.
Make the Protagonist Suffer
“Be a Sadist. No matter how sweet and innocent your leading characters, make awful things happen to them - in order that the reader may see what they are made of.” (Kurt Vonnegut, How to Write a Great Story)
And when it can’t get any worse, make it worse before it gets better
The two key moments that create the peak of excitement in a story is the darkness before the dawn, and the dawn. 
The climax is the moment when the protagonist is either rescued or rescues themself.
In older tales, we saw a lot of Deux ex Machina (the hand of god) rescuing the hero. A hero could be rescued by luck, a partner, another hero…but modern audiences strongly prefer stories where the protagonist helps themself.
Resolution is Boring, Keep it Short
Interest grows with every additional conflict, but once the hero figures out the solution, our fascination collapses.
Don’t natter on while the audience’s mind is drifting.
Also Consider:
You need a good inciting incident to move your protagonist to action.
A setting is more than a place, it’s a situation and a moment in time. A vivid place has details.
Modern audiences prefer “return home changed” to “return home the same.”
EXAMPLES: ARCHETYPAL PLOTS ALONG THE ARC
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Boy Meets Girl
Internal conflict is always satisfactory (e.g., she believes love interferes with his career, he believes love interferes with his beer.)
The crises usually revolves around betrayal — lying, cheating — and the climax shows it was a misunderstanding or we get atonement.
The struggle is always about them being separated.
The resolution is about binding them more tightly together than ever.
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The Quest
You seek things, and find yourself.
Return home changed and don’t pass go.
Common elements include companions, a mentor, great losses and extreme character arcs.
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The Underdog
Even though they do not have a shot in hell, the underdog wants something. They want it so bad.
Common elements include an enemy who blocks their path, and a coach who helps them forward.
In this case, they do not return home changed but rather move into a new life that fits their changed self.
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Coming of Age
Naive person has the world teaches them a hard lesson, and they become a better person for it.
Struggle revolve around life sucking and then sucking more.
The hero grows and becomes better because of it, and via new understandings becomes competent.
In some tragedies, the world breaks them.
They can return home changed, but more often they move to a new life they have earned.
More Examples. Justice & Pursuit:
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Weaving Multiple Plots:
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Weaving multiple plots together to make subplots can further increase tension.
Multiple plots woven together makes the whole story not only unique but very compelling.
Writing Notes & References
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yanderenightmare · 4 months ago
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tomura with hero reader whose quirk he's stolen, rendering them defenseless
Shigaraki Tomura
TW: slight nsfw, implied prev noncon, captive reader, Stockholm syndrome, implied mental break, mental deterioration, disassociation, manipulation, angsty, but also weirdly fluffy? reader is super fragile
gn reader
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The chub of your inner thighs is still wet with the act. You rub them together for no other reason than that it feels pleasant. You trace the awful scars on his arm, using his warm chest as a pillow—the sound beating of his heart thumping rhythmically at your ear, a soothing presence.
 He balances a red book atop your crown.
He doesn’t seem very interested in reading it—only regarding it with jaded eyes, a meager scoff then and there before turning the page. But still, even though the book didn’t excite him, it bothered you that his attention was elsewhere. It sowed the seeds of doubt and gave root to way too many intrusive thoughts, sprouting out and spreading like weeds throughout your mind, making your chest curl at the possibilities.
“Do you think I'm ugly?” you have to ask. You have to know, why isn’t he looking at you.
He pans away from the page, beady garnet eyes softening from scrutiny to nonplus.
Your question stunted him—nearly made him believe he’d heard you wrong. Why someone like you would ever ask someone like him something like that seemed beyond all reason. It would be the same if a flower asked gravel.
But then again, you’d become a little ditzy as of late. Or maybe you’d been so for a little while already. It’s hard to say—you don’t talk as much as you used to. You no longer scream either, though that had ceased even longer ago.
You continue to delicately run your finger over the tear where his tough skin meets the even tougher purple tissue as though mapping the damage. There’s a frown on your face. No, not a frown—a pout. 
He thought for a moment to use it against you like he’d done everything else so far. Lie and say yes, tell you you’re about as ugly as he is—gravel—make you fall even further apart than what you were already. But something compelled him to choose differently.
“I think you're the prettiest thing in the world.”
Your pout is sucked between your teeth as you pick yourself up to peer down at him—eyes round and misty and something more, something strange—dare he say joyed?
You're scaring him.
“Really?” you choke out as if you’d been holding back a lump.
He hasn’t known how to treat you lately. You’ve become too soft to handle poorly—too frail to harass and too willing for him to feel the need to. Earlier, you'd even begged him to fuck harder and deeper—even cum inside. Actually, you hadn't veered away from his touch in a while. More like you've been embracing it.
He'd brushed it off as mere compliance at first, a state of meekness, weakened by being touch-starved, something that perhaps developed into a minor case of Stockholm syndrome.
But the way you're acting now—seems more concerning.
“Yeah,” is all he warrants as an answer. Though, he was curious as to yours as he begs the same question, “What about me?”
A smile graces your face then—there’s a comfort to it, a mild and affectionate one, unexaggerated, honest, as you smoothly swing your leg over his lap.
A look like that has no place on your face, especially when regarding him, and yet he finds himself hoping for more. He lays his book aside as you lean forward and doesn't stop you when you cup his face in both your palms.
“As far as I'm concerned, you’re not just the prettiest boy in the world—you're the only boy in the world.” You say it with a kiss, lips just as soft as the words leaving them. It shocks him, though he accepts and gives it back.
You close your eyes, laying your chest against his—he keeps his open to look at you. Observing and assessing.
You’ve truly become a whole other person altogether. A far cry from the tough hero you once were—the one who’d beat him within an inch of his life and leave him to choke on the blood.
“Will you stay with me today?” you ask against his lips—playing with his hair, looping the curly tresses around your fingers.
There’s a neediness to your voice, a certain desperation, a sadness—something lonely and something that reminds him all too much of himself. He feels both a strong urge to reject and soothe it all at the same time.
“No, I gotta go,” he says despite it. He had business.
You hide your face in his neck and continue with your tracing, now on the scrapes striping his throat where he’s raked his nails time and time again. “When will you come back?” Your tone comes out even sweeter, only a murmur mushed against his skin.
It nearly makes his heart twist. “It’s better I don’t answer that.”
It’s funny. Though the thought had struck him, he didn’t gauge any ill intentions. You could be asking, acting, plotting some escape based on the hours of his absence—yet somehow, with the way you nuzzle into him like that, as though you’re pouring your all-too-candid grief into him, he can't sense any other ulterior motive.
“Last time you left at this hour, you came back all beaten and bruised,” you mutter, now with a hint of bitterness—as if you’re cursing whoever hurt him under your breath.
It’s ironic. He sneers lazily, almost fondly, at the old memory. “You’re the one who used to beat and bruise me, remember?”
He’s truly curious if you do. Or if something’s spirited your past life away and left you like this—no longer an aspiring young hero, but something whose only value is warming his bed at night.
You arise, an appalled look of affront upon your face.
“No, that can’t be right,” you very nearly cry, as if the very thought was killing you. “I would never hurt you—I love you too much.”
Apparently, you don’t remember who you were at all.
“Love me?” he all but croaks. It’s a laughable prospect, and yet he doesn’t even smile. There’s something awful in his gut that prevents him. “Don't be stupid. You can't love me.”
Your face doesn’t drop its grimace, only further tears with forlorn outrage. “Of course, I love you!" you insist. "You’re my whole reason for living...”
You look so despaired—wrecked from his dismissal. The tears well quickly then slip down your face just as fast—and yet it isn’t the same crying as you used to. This time, it’s quiet—in wait or in dread as you beg the question, 
“Don't you love me?”
It’s an unexpected one, and it quickly proves to be an existential one—even more so than your unnerving confession. Despite not wanting to, it leaves him to dig through the muck in his head he’d long ignored, down in the dark where he’d tried burying the truth he'd felt oncoming. He'd wanted to deny it, reject it, amend it, simply because it confused him too much to acknowledge—complicated things—changed things he didn’t want or need changing.
He wonders if it’s somehow proof of fate—even though he despises such a concept. That, no matter how much you practice free will, no matter how many knots you make upon the red string, the world will pull and straighten it out, and you’re left to realize you’d brought it all on yourself.
First, he took your quirk, then he took your body—your mind shortly followed—and now it seems he’s managed to take your heart, too. 
There’s nothing left of you that isn’t his. 
There was a time he’d frolic at the thought of having reduced you to such a pathetic ghost in a shell—back then, he’d do anything to destroy you—he’d surely shatter you into a million little scattered pieces if presented with the chance, make sure you were broken for good. 
But that was the old him. Or rather, that was his dream for the old you—the hero he loathed down to his rotten core.
But the pretty misty-eyed thing looking down at him now, aching for his answer, wasn’t that person anymore.
And the truth is, the person you are now scares him more than that hero ever did. 
You were… well, you were the person who warms his bed at night, the person who traces his scars and plays with his hair—the person who wraps themselves around him and keeps him from falling apart when he stumbles through the door into the tiny little room he keeps you a prisoner in. You're his.
This time, his heart does twist. He’s never before spoken the words that dance on his tongue, or if he has, they’ve been long forgotten and come out as dust balls as he affirms them now, 
“Yes. I love you.”
There’s a flash of hope in your eyes, though it just as quickly diminishes—as if you don’t believe him.
Your lip warbles as you confirm it, “No, you don’t.”
More tears run silently down the tracks on your cheeks, gathering at the tip of your chin before dripping upon his chest—each one like a gunshot through something hollow.
“If you did, you wouldn’t go. You wouldn’t leave me here in this room, all alone.” Your nails curl into your palms where they rest atop him. You bow your head as though you can’t bear to look at him, as if it hurts. The next words come out beneath your breath, “How am I supposed to compete with the whole world?”
You’re making him feel like dying. The continuous twists of his heart feel as if you’re about to tear it right out of his chest.
He sits up and lifts your face. It’s strange, even with his two-finger gloves on. He doesn’t think he’s ever held you like this. Though, suppose it’s been a night of many firsts already. And here comes another,
“As far as I’m concerned, you are my world.”
There you are, the one thing he doesn’t wish to destroy.
Your sore eyes become round, then swell with different tears. There’s a hitch in your breath as you sigh through a shuddering sob, throwing your arms around his neck and clinging to him tightly—your body jostling while you rub your wet face into his neck, holding him close for comfort as if you're scared to ever let go.
He returns the gesture, though somewhat hesitantly, wrapping his arms around you and laying his head to rest against your shoulder.
And then, as he holds you—for the first time ever, fear of actually losing the fight ahead strikes him.
He hadn’t much cared about the outcome before. Either he’d destroy or be destroyed.
This wasn’t as simple. As said earlier, this complicated things.
But then again, it was even more of a reason to go.
“But I still have to leave.” 
You part from him—the betrayal in your tone demanding his justification, “Why?”
Suppose, in some ways, this actually made things simpler—as that was a question he had no problem answering.
“‘Cause there are monsters outside…” He rests his forehead upon yours, gazing back into those terribly glassy eyes looking back at him as he speaks to you about your dear old colleagues. “Monsters who want nothing but to take you away from me.”
If only they could see you now, they’d know… you no longer want to leave him.
“So I have to go out there and make sure they have no chance,” he explains, almost like a vow, “You’re mine, and I’ll destroy anyone who says otherwise to keep you that way.”
The way your eyes melt makes him feel all fuzzy. It’s a special type of glee, a victory before the battle even begins—to see you root for him—so deep in love with him that you’ve forgotten you’re celebrating the onset of death to all of your former friends.
They probably wouldn’t be able to take you away from him even if they somehow managed to invade this very room. You’d sooner die than betray him.
And that makes him feel all the more ready for the war ahead.
“So kiss me good luck, and I’ll come right back to you soon.”
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♡ SHIGARAKI TOMURA ♡ BOKU NO HERO ACADEMIA masterlist
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velvees-archive · 2 months ago
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At 20 years old, Miles Edgeworth’s only mentor tells him never to step foot into his opponent’s territory lest he fail to crush them in court. 4 years later, Edgeworth enters Defendant Lobby No. 1 to warn opposing counsel Phoenix Wright about Redd White’s decisive testimony.
Some post-AAI1 reflections + how Phoenix unravels Miles from the very moment they meet again.
After playing through the original trilogy, up to 4-2 on Apollo Justice, and all of Ace Attorney Investigations 1, I couldn’t help but jot down my (admittedly incomplete) thoughts about Phoenix and Edgeworth’s relationship, especially as it pertains to Miles’ “unraveling,” or his departure from von Karma’s teachings.
We already know von Karma had no love for Edgeworth. Crushing the late Gregory Edgeworth’s legacy under the guise of mentoring his son (and eventually ruining his career at its peak) was von Karma’s last act of hatred towards the departed.
From Miles’ perspective, however, von Karma was an accomplished teacher to whom he owed his gratitude and career’s success. This is important because Edgeworth’s actions are fundamentally motivated by his desire to express his “gratitude,” repay debts, and honor legacies.
His debt to von Karma compels him to strive for the perfection his mentor obsesses over. Achieving perfection takes the form of absorbing von Karma’s teachings, among them the AAI1 screenshot from earlier: only face your opponent in court, and make sure you crush them when you do it.
We know for a fact that the “demon prosecutor” internalizes von Karma’s teachings. He follows them to a T.
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So, following 15 years of indoctrination, 4 years of putting the von Karma creed into practice, and an entire childhood AND early adulthood’s worth of gratitude, you’d THINK Edgeworth wouldn’t dare dishonor him…
Until he does, by coming to the defendant lobby to speak to his “enemy.”
Prior to playing AAI1, I thought the impetus for Edgeworth’s character development was 1-3, wherein he reevaluated the facts of the case and helped Phoenix get Dee Vasquez a guilty verdict. I still think 1-3 was the first time he consciously acknowledged the possibility (keyword: possibility) that his prosecutorial upbringing wasn’t..sound…(lmao!)
But with this AAI1 von Karma and Bratworth interaction, I now believe it was 1-2—with Edgeworth subconsciously disregarding his mentor’s teachings and Phoenix acting as the catalyst—that shows us when he first strayed from the path of a Von Karma.
An aside: Do I think AAI1 Bratworth was perfectly characterized? Not at all; he’s much too noble for that era of his life, though I don’t think it affects my case.
Edgeworth is a man full of contradictions. He comes to the defendant lobby to tell Phoenix his case is hopeless, though he has no obligation to disclose—nor has he ever set a precedent of disclosing—decisive witnesses’ information to his opponents.
He tells Phoenix he’ll do anything to get a guilty verdict, yet he warns the defense that his witness’s testimony will be considered infallible, prompting the player (Phoenix) to dissect the following testimonies with more care.
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He tells Phoenix not to expect any special treatment from him, yet his very presence in the defendant’s lobby is in direct opposition to his respected mentor’s wishes.
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It takes just one appearance from Phoenix for the filaments of von Karma’s indoctrination to unravel. 4 years into his career, Edgeworth has met many attorneys—most notably, Mia Fey—who embody Phoenix’s faith in his clients, yet none could shake his foundations like Phoenix Wright.
Edgeworth may have not been ready to turn a new leaf upon his first encounter with Phoenix, but the fact that a loose thread from his childhood (that’s emblematic of his innocence, his dreams, and dare I say his father’s drive) ultimately leads to his unraveling is poetry if I’ve ever seen it.
TL;DR Phoenix deconstructs Edgeworth like he was born to do so. The moment Phoenix decided to chase after him, Edgeworth had already lost.
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theveryworstthing · 9 months ago
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"Welcome! I'm glad to see that we still have people interested in volunteering. We have 6 positions open this Riverseason, 3 at each of the base camps. After you fill out your paperwork I'll take you to meet the new Companions and we'll see who you connect with!"
every few years after a heavy rainy season the river swells and a lush, high, patch of forest grows around its fattened middle in a matter of days. during this time strange Creatures emerge to nest in the surrounding area, which is seemingly a safer place to rear young than the forest, and then migrate back when the river begins to lower in a few months. neither the creatures nor the Townsfolk know why the forest appears or what exactly is going on with the river but they learned long ago to (mostly) live in peace. 
while the forest makes most people uneasy, some are very eager (maybe too eager) to explore it. this includes some young Creatures who seem equally compelled to Enter. experience says that mixed teams have a better chance or survival (little guy with Powers + person with thumbs and camping supplies is a pretty good combo even if communication can be rough sometimes) and so that is how the scouting trips operate. scouts start at either upriver or downriver base camps just outside the forest and try to follow the river the entire way to avoid getting lost.
it is so easy to get lost.
most people lose sight of the other scouting teams about half a mile in even though they're all following the same river and going in the same direction. best case scenario is that you make new discoveries, map out a few things, and make it out the other side in way more time than it should really take to walk to the other side. worst case is you can't find your way out before the river starts to dry up and you hope the rain is heavy next year. 
pictured above are the little Companions ready to hike in with someone this season. you will only learn their names if you connect with one, but in loose power typing terms we've got:
a prophesy type (omens good and bad. tea leaves, smoke, tiny bones)
a wander type (never settled and never has to be. a shifter of sorts)
a fungal type (more than it seems. eager for friendship)
a celestial type (looking into the void. navigating by starlight)
a dirt type (grounded and persistent. a terror to terrors)
and a sylph type (the air in your lungs. the invisible belief)
which Companion will you choose? what name comes to you when they choose you back? 
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tanadrin · 4 months ago
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could you elaborate, why do you believe that people online continue to talk about the flint water crisis as if it were still active? Is it just ignorance of the solution or are there ongoing health issues?
i mean i think people do that bc "everything is fucked and nothing ever gets better" is a genre of post that tickles the limbic system, and in the attention economy of the internet, anything that tickles the limbic system tends to do well, bc it produces engagement. outrage, and outrage-adjacent things, and cliches like "why is no one talking about [major news article everyone is talking about]" and "don't get excited about apparently-good-thing X, here's why it's actually just as bad as [completely different thing it is in no way just as bad as]" and all that other stuff.
and because negativity and outrage--even negativity with no underlying substance--makes a bigger splash than positive stuff with real underlying substance, continuing to repeat "flint doesn't have clean water" (a crisis that did genuinely drag on for a very long time!) has more salience than the news that flint's water problem was fixed (something that took a long time when it finally was properly tackled and didn't generate a single large headline).
there's kind of a similar dynamic in climate news actually, where genuine improvements in areas like energy storage and clean energy rollout and new nuclear permitting don't make a dent in people's narrative that everything is fucked and we're making no progress because IPCC forecasts about what would happen if we hit 4 degrees of warming are genuinely very bad and scary (and, thankfully, no longer on the table!), whereas the boring policy details of stuff in the Inflation Reduction Act, or China's continuing expansion of EV manufacturing are, well... boring. although climate news is different in other ways--like, the planet will continue to warm until carbon emissions are net negative, so even as we make progress on that issue the crisis continues. it's not all good news. but there is good news there, which just gets much less traction online bc of the dynamics of how news works on the internet.
needless to say, though, i think if you want to have an accurate understanding of the world you need to internally mentally check your own tendency to succumb to engagement bait like this. worst case scenario you fall into a doom loop, which i think is pretty unhealthy just in general. but if you notice somebody post something compelling, and you click on their username, and it turns out that all they post is about how the world is fucked, and nothing good ever happens, and we're all gonna die, i think you should be suspicious of them and their motives. not because doomposting is inherently manipulative or deceptive--a lot of people genuinely are doomers! but that doesn't mean they're not responding to the limbic incentives of social media, either. after all, if you too express nothing but pessimism and outrage, then the people addicted to pessimism and outrage will applaud you for being Very Serious and give you lots of engagement and attention, and you will react accordingly.
and also, you know. some people do just lie on the internet for attention. that is absolutely a thing that happens. i am not inclined to bend over backwards to try to reconstruct a generous framing of those lies where maybe people somehow are under the mistaken impression that there is some ongoing sub-problem affecting flint that they have mistaken for being isomorphic to the original crisis. some of them are just liars!
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psalmsofpsychosis · 1 year ago
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Good morning why are you waiting outside of my house, i've been in the walls of your room for two weeks and i'm just starting to run out of cookies and black tea—
jokes aside though, oh look it's my favourite song. Personally to me it's hard to map out Bruce's personality and preferences on a molecular (!) level because listen– this guy is a shithead intellectual. He wakes up 5 in the morning and he intellectualises and justfies and rearranges his thoughts and emotions 55 times per second till he goes to bed at 1AM. He lives in a world of concepts and idealogies, to a great degree he's less of a human being himself and more of an idea, the idea of Batman. That, to me, is why his body is merely a vessel to him, why he and everything that he is comes second to his idealogy and The Mission, why he has such an easy time surpassing himself and doesn't register emotional and physical pain (and in extension of that, pleasure) when it happens. He has basically suppressed his emotions and his humanity, banishing it all to his subconscious where they take on very fucked up weird shapes and haunt him, internally or externally *cough*joker*cough* AND. He's got a good reason for this— his most painfully human moment was the night his parents died in front of him and he couldn't do anything about it. So in a way, Bruce Wayne's humanity is the first enemy he tries to kill, and he can't.
His emotional preferences like sadism and masochism are a part of his humanity— nobody knows what the hell goes on downstairs in the locked up basement of Bruce's personality, least of all himself. He doesn't think about pain or pleasure on a conscious level, we as the audience only get to hear the rattles of the door to the basement where he keeps the monsters. (and if you got reminded of Batcave with that wording it's because you're right and there's a direct allegorical link between the Batcave and Bruce Wayne's subconscious but that's a different talk for another day.)
On the subject of Bruce's relationship with pain though— i threw the concept of Batman's painplay kink at @fanworldbuildingfun and she said "that's a pavlovian response" which broke my spine in half because it's true. Bruce arranges his entire life around subconscious associations and equations, he associates love with pain and loss so when pain arrives, love is nearby; the moment he's about to lose something and someone dear is the moment he feels so much love, he re-enacts this association in nearly every aspect of his life.
But he also associates love with feelings of helplessness —he could've saved his parents if he wasn't so weak, he thinks— so he immediately starts fighting. The more love he feels, the more he fights and struggles against, and that fighting creates hope, hope that this time he'll win and he'll fix what went so awfully wrong. It's a chain reaction of interconnected unfortunate needs and he doesn't break the cycle because the goal, the endgame, the love, is his only remaining connection to himself and his humanity, everything else has become a protocol and a script he plays out day in and day out at this point, but the pain and the love? they're the only parts of him that remain unscripted and spontaneous and real.
so, long story not-really-short-i'm-sorry, emotionally Bruce Wayne is a runaway dog and sexually he's a pavlovian response, depending on which association he responds to in the moment his reaction can completely change direction and fall off a cliff, you can't even call him consistently sadist because he pulls punches in contexts where he could deliver, and then he turns around and tries to kill the very person he saved three pages ago. And besides accounting for the writers' inconsistencies, what you can ask of the context is, which bell is ringing just around the corner?
Bruce is emotionally a masochist and sexually a sadist comfirmed 🤑😨😱????? Or both, hes batman he can do anything (except therapy)
Lol. You could put it that way, though I think it's a lot more complicated, and at the end of the day, ambiguous. There's multiple ways to interpret this side of Bruce, but while I agree that sadism is easy to see in his actions, masochism is more complicated. Thing is, if Bruce liked pain (emotional or otherwise)... he would probably avoid it.
To Bruce it isn't about what makes him happy, or feel good. The things he puts himself through, the pain he seeks out, are a form of self-punishment (a major function of being Batman in and of itself). The reasons are easily apparent: survivor's guilt, being helpless and unable to save his parents from being killed, thinking of himself as never enough and his body as an instrument only. As Batman, Bruce doesn't even register pain as a limitation or an obstacle, so a lot of the time it isn't that he looks for it... it's just that he doesn't care if it hurts, as long as he achieves his goals. After all, why would it matter that he's hurting, when he doesn't matter as much as the Mission? His Vow, saving others and forever compensating for a loss he couldn't stop, is more important than his own wellbeing and comfort, both on a physical and emotional level.
Put simply, pain is something he feels he deserves for failing. And in so many ways, pain is what fuels Batman; to quote King, he's an "engine that turns pain into hope". But the issue is that, to maintain the status quo, he cannot be anything else, and the engine needs feeding. It needs fresh pain, which is what Bruce keeps providing.
However, it's really hard to draw the line. If you do something like this for so long, if you make doling out pain and suffering pain an integral part of your life and identity, if it's so familiar it becomes a comfort... is that enjoyment? Is that emotional masochism? I just remembered I had a similar discussion before (link here), with some people making very valid and interesting points-- both about Bruce being masochistic, and not. And recently, @psalmsofpsychosis posted a fascinating meta and then web weave about Bruce's relationship to pain (and Joker, who tortures him the most) that got me thinking and rethinking these aspects again (link here). She pointed out that emotionally, Bruce might equate love to pain because the moment he felt the most love was also the moment he was destroyed by grief; when he lost his parents, the people he loved most. God, do check out the post because it does drive me crazy. "Whenever he experiences pain he feels capable of love." @psalmsofpsychosis I'm outside your house, come out, I just wanna talk--
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teine-mallaichte · 4 months ago
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Let's talk hallucinations in whump/general fiction.
So first off full disclosure, I have schizoaffective disorder - think some bits of bipolar and some bits of schizophrenia kind of squished together, and as such hallucinations are a BIG part of my general existence.
Definition: A hallucination is a perception of a sensory experience—such as sight, sound, smell, taste, or touch—that appears real but is created by the mind and lacks an external stimulus.
Now, I see a fair few "hallucinations" type prompts in whump events, and just generally within the whump community, and I see a LOT of auditory hallucinations type prompt fills - mainly in the form of malevolent whispers - and ye that's a thing, but there are so many other hallucinations.
The thing is hallucinations can effect literally any sense, not just hearing - though I will add that auditory is usually regarded as the most common.
this is a long post so I am going to put a cut here... below the cut is exploration of the tyoes of hallucination, the causes and a bit about insight.
So, I thought it could be "fun" to explore a few in a post. Lets explore the 5 "main" senses first:
Auditory Hallucinations
Description: These are the most common type of hallucinations. They involve hearing sounds that are not present. The sounds are hear as if they are coming from somewhere external to the body. So in my case I have a few of these, but my main one is a voice who is with me even when I am in meds (another good point there for anyone who wants to use mental illness in their fics even in meds we can do have symptoms). This voice has a name and most of the time he just sorts off passes comments about things and people around me, like a sarcastic narrator and it sounds like he is standing just behind me.
Common Examples:
Malevolent Whispers: Insidious voices that might threaten, taunt, or belittle you.
Hearing Music: Melodies or songs playing that no one else can hear. For me this kind of sounds like someone is playing a radio in a different room.
Environmental Sounds: Hearing footsteps, doors creaking, or other sounds suggesting someone else is present.
Command Hallucinations: Voices that instruct or suggest (its not always ademand, sometimes more subtle and manipulative) you to do certain things, often with a compelling and distressing sense of urgency.
Less used examples:
Kind/supportive hallucinations: Voices that are encouraging, reassuring and supportive.
Distortion: Rather than sounds with no origin hallucinations that disort or warp actual sounds/voices changing the meaning, making it as if the TV or Radio is addressing you personally, making it sound as if a friend is threatening you.
Fun fact: it actually is possible to have a two way (sort of) conversation with a hallucination - I know I do it relatively often. It will be different for everyone, but fo me its a bit like having a conversation on a bad phoneline, yes the voice will respond but often its almost as if he hasn't fully heard what I said - or is ignoring key points. I can do this both outloud and "in my head".
Visual Hallucinations
Description: Visual hallucinations involve seeing things that are not present. These can range from simple shapes and flashes of light to detailed images or scenes. They often appear as if they are in the physical world and can be very convincing.
Common Examples:
Shadowy Figures: Seeing indistinct, shadowy forms that may move or appear to watch the character.
Distorted Faces: Perceiving familiar faces as grotesque or altered in frightening ways.
Apparitions: Full-bodied figures that may interact with the character or appear menacing.
Lights/sparkles: The whump community seems to very much enjoy lights and sparkles, especially in drugging.
Less Used Examples:
Intrusive Visuals: Images of disturbing or graphic nature that suddenly appear in your line of sight.
Perceptual Distortions: Objects appearing to warp, change shape, or color in unnatural ways.
Double Vision: Seeing multiples of objects or people, creating a confusing and disorienting experience.
Scenery Shifts: The entire environment changes, making you believe they are in a completely different place.
Fun fact: Sleep deprivation can cause some wild visual hallucinations, even relatively "mild" sleep deprivation can start to effect a persons perceptions.
Gustatory Hallucinations
Description: Gustatory hallucinations involve tasting things that are not actually present in the mouth. These can range from pleasant to extremely unpleasant tastes and can be triggered without any external food or drink.
Officially these are considered "rare", but personally (as someone who has done a lot of peer support work in the psychosis/voice hearing community I think they are simply under reported.)
Common Examples:
Bitter or Metallic Taste: A persistent bitter or metallic taste in the mouth, often leading to a sense of unease or concern about poisoning.
Sweet or Sour Taste: Tasting something sweet or sour unexpectedly, which can be confusing if it doesn’t match the current context.
Less Used Examples:
Spoiled Food: Tasting something rancid or spoiled, causing nausea and distress.
Unfamiliar Tastes: Tasting something completely unfamiliar and hard to describe, adding to the character's sense of disorientation.
Mimicking Actual Foods: Tasting specific foods that trigger cravings or aversions, despite not eating anything.
Transforming food: Food tasting like other food - I know someone for whom everything tasted like strawberries for days.
Common Causes: Neurological conditions or can be a side effect of medications.
Olfactory Hallucinations
Description: Olfactory hallucinations involve smelling odors that are not actually present. These can be pleasant or unpleasant and occur without any corresponding external stimulus. They can be particularly disorienting because they may trigger memories or emotions associated with certain scents - extremely complex if the person also has PTSD.
Common Examples:
Burning Smell: Wood, rubber, or food, which can lead to panic and fear of a fire.
Rotting Flesh: An overpowering smell of decay or rotting flesh, causing distress and nausea.
Perfume or Flowers: Smelling strong scents like flowers or perfume - hallucinations don't have to be inherently unpleasant sensations.
Less Used Examples:
Chemical Smells: Smelling chemicals like bleach or petrol.
Unfamiliar Scents: Smelling odors that you cannot identify.
Food Smells: Smelling specific foods that trigger hunger or nausea, despite the absence of any actual food.
Tactile Hallucinations
Description: Tactile hallucinations involve feeling sensations on or under the skin that are not actually there. These can range from mild tingling to severe pain and can be extremely distressing.
Common Examples:
Crawling Sensation: Feeling as though insects or bugs are crawling on or under the skin - often leading to frantic scratching or picking.
Electric Shocks: Experiencing sudden, sharp, electric-like jolts.
Pressure: Feeling pressure or tightness around certain body parts, such as a hand gripping the arm or something heavy on the chest.
Less Used Examples:
Temperature Changes: Feeling extreme cold or heat on the skin without any external cause.
Wetness or Dripping: Feeling as though liquid is dripping or running down the skin, even when dry.
Phantom Touches: Sensations of being touched or grabbed, often when alone. Sometimes its an almost feather like touch, other times its more akin to a grab that if reak would leave a bruise.
Right now let's expand - because there are more than 5 senses.
Proprioceptive Hallucinations
Description: Proprioception is the sense of the relative positioning of one's body parts. Proprioceptive hallucinations involve distorted perceptions of where your body is in space or how it is moving.
Common Examples:
Floating Sensation: Feeling as if the body is levitating or moving without control.
Distorted Body Size: Perceiving limbs or the entire body as being unnaturally large or small.
Less Used Examples:
Misaligned Limbs: Feeling as though limbs are twisted or out of place.
Movement Hallucinations: Sensing movements that aren't occurring, like swaying or rotating.
Common causes: Neurological disorders or the effects of certain drugs, but can by caused by a huge array of things.
Vestibular Hallucinations
Description: Vestibular sensations involve balance and spatial orientation. Vestibular hallucinations affect your sense of balance, making you feel dizzy or as though you're moving when you're stationary.
Common Examples:
Vertigo: A spinning sensation, as if the environment or oneself is rotating.
Imbalance: Feeling as though you're about to fall over or can't maintain your balance.
Less Used Examples:
Motion Sensation: Sensing movement, like rocking or swaying, when you're still.
Gravity Distortions: Feeling as if gravity is stronger or weaker than it actually is.
Common caused: Inner ear issues, migraines, or anxiety.
Temporal Hallucinations
Description: Temporal hallucinations involve distorted perceptions of time. They can make time feel like it's speeding up, slowing down, or standing still.
Common Examples:
Time Dilation: Feeling as though time is passing much slower than it actually is.
Time Compression: Perceiving time as moving rapidly, making events feel like they're passing in a blur.
Less Used Examples:
Frozen Moments: Experiencing time as if it's stopped, with everything around you appearing frozen.
Temporal Displacement: Feeling as though you're living in a different time period.
Temporal Dissonance: Feeling as if time is moving differently for you in comparison to those around you.
Common caused: Extreme fatigue, high stress, or under the influence of certain drugs.
Interoceptive Hallucinations
Description: Interoception refers to the perception of sensations from within the body, such as hunger, thirst, or the feeling of a heartbeat. Hallucinations in this realm involve feeling internal sensations that aren't actually occurring.
Common Examples:
False Hunger: Feeling extremely hungry despite having eaten recently.
Nonexistent Thirst: An intense sense of thirst even when well-hydrated - I have had this one a few times and given myself electrolyte imbalances due tot he amount of water I ended up drinking (not fun).
Less Used Examples:
Phantom Heartbeats: Feeling the heart racing or skipping beats without any physical basis.
Digestive Sensations: Sensations of digestion, such as gurgling or bloating, without any real cause.
Common causes: Panic disorder or certain types of seizures.
Right, now lets quickly review the main "causes" of hallucinations
Mental Illness:
Schizophrenia: Can involve basically anything from this list, but anecdotally auditory and visual appear to be the most common.
Bipolar Disorder: Can include hallucinations, especially during manic or depressive episodes.
Schizoaffective Disorder: A combination of symptoms from both schizophrenia and mood disorders, often leading to a variety of hallucinations.
EUPD/BPD: Auditory hallucinations are relatively common.
In all of these the hallucinations will rarely (if ever) exist in isolation. If you do not have primary or secondary experience of mental illness then I would recommend doing a LOT of research - and talking to people who do (on this note my asks are open if anyone has any schizoaffective based questions).
Neurological Conditions:
Epilepsy: Particularly temporal lobe epilepsy, can cause a range of sensory hallucinations.
Parkinson's Disease: Can lead to visual and auditory hallucinations.
Migraine: Migraine auras can include visual and auditory hallucinations.
Once again the hallucinations will not be in isolatation so same advice as with mental illness.
Substance Use and Withdrawal:
Psychedelics: Drugs like LSD, psilocybin, and mescaline are known for causing vivid visual and auditory hallucinations.
Stimulants: Methamphetamine and cocaine can cause tactile and visual hallucinations.
Alcohol Withdrawal: Can lead to visual, auditory, and tactile hallucinations.
You know what I am going to say that my "if you do not have experience of this then go talk to someone who does" advice may just stand for every potential cause.
Sleep Disorders:
Sleep Deprivation: Can cause a variety of hallucinations across different senses.
Narcolepsy: Often includes hypnagogic (while falling asleep) and hypnopompic (while waking up) hallucinations.
Medical Conditions:
Delirium: Acute confusion and hallucinations often seen in severe infections, fever, or after surgery.
Dementia: Especially Lewy body dementia and Alzheimer's disease, can cause hallucinations.
Medications:
Anticholinergics: Can cause hallucinations as a side effect.
Steroids: High doses can sometimes lead to hallucinations.
Certain Antidepressants and Antipsychotics: Occasionally, these medications can cause hallucinations.
Psychological Stress and Trauma:
PTSD: Flashbacks and hallucinations related to traumatic events.
Extreme Stress: Can sometimes trigger hallucinations.
Metabolic and Endocrine Disorders:
Thyroid Disorders: Hyperthyroidism or hypothyroidism can sometimes cause hallucinations.
Electrolyte Imbalances: Severe imbalances can lead to hallucinations.
Deprivation:
Sensory Deprivation: Go google the ganzfeld effect, it's facinating.
Isolation: Extended periods of isolation can lead to hallucinations, known as sensory deprivation hallucinations.
Autoimmune Disorders:
Lupus: Can cause neurological symptoms including hallucinations.
Tumors:
Brain Tumors: Depending on their location, they can cause hallucinations affecting different senses.
Ok, finally point for this post. Let's discuss insight, because it is not as black/white or binary as people seem to assume.
Definition: Insight, in this context, refers to the awareness and understanding that one's hallucinations are not real but are a product of their mind. Insight can be partial or complete, and it often fluctuates.
Complete Insight:
Description: The individual fully understands that their hallucinations are not real and are caused by an underlying condition.
Impact: This can help the person manage their symptoms more effectively and seek appropriate treatment. However, it doesn't necessarily lessen the distress caused by the hallucinations.
Partial Insight:
Description: The individual has some awareness that their hallucinations might not be real but can still struggle with differentiating them from reality.
Impact: This can lead to confusion and anxiety, as the person oscillates between believing and doubting their experiences.
Lack of Insight:
Description: The individual firmly believes that their hallucinations are real and external.
Impact: This can lead to significant distress and functional impairment, as the person might respond to these hallucinations as if they were real.
Now imagine these three points on a scale from 0 (complete insight) to 10 (lack of insight) a person can be anywhere on this scale, and can slide back and fourth along it.
Factors such as stress, fatigue, medication changes, or daily fluctuations in mental state can cause insight to vary. A person might have high insight at one moment and low insight the next.
Basically Insight Is Not Static.
Also sometimes insight is just FREAKING RANDOM fluctuation for no discernible reason - honestly at times there is zero logic.
so ye, halluncinations… the brain is freaking wild.
Disclaimer - this is by no means an exhaustive list and like with many things every individual will experience these things slightly differently.
A similar post about delirium A similar post about fever
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