#though the gap between now and my last video is only 2 months

[jackie-shitposts]

heyy just wondering if you're gonna make any more random Carmen stuff? i love your crack vids, and if you aren't gonna make anymore Youtube stuff thats totally fine! just love your content. thanks Jackie!

thanks for loving my stuff! but im normal about carmen sandiego now so no more videos (frantically shoving 6 videos worth of notes behind my back so you cant see them)

[gxldenlush]

Bullies || n.s

pairing: bff!nick x fem!reader

summary: Nick is there for y/n through thick and thin. When he finds out she’s getting bullied at school, he does his best to help her.

warnings: mentions of bullying, name calling, crying, use of y/n, swearing, blood/injuries, random name for bully

a/n: ❗️purely platonic❗️, y/n is in her last year of highschool, nick is still 20 (2 years between them), I wrote this at work so it’s not entirely proofread, also sorry to all the Mayas 😭

pink=y/n

purple=nick

orange=chris (he’s only in the beginning sorry😓)

༻☙��༺

“Oh my god, look what Emily posted on her snapchat” Chris turns his phone around to show Nick a video. A girl stood in shock, teary-eyed as she reads horrible insults that have been scribbled onto her locker.

“slut”

“whore”

“clout chaser”

“fugly”

The insults go on until the entire locker door is filled with the black sharpie. At the end of the video, the girl turns and runs out of frame, her face just catching the camera as she escapes the laughs.

Nicks heart drops to his feet when he recognises the broken girl. “Chris, that’s y/n.”

“What? No way. If someone was picking on her, she would’ve told us, right?”

Nick doesn’t even spare his brother a reply as he grabs his phone and orders an uber. Five minutes away, great. He pulls his shoes on and gets a hoodie from his bedroom.

“Going to y/n’s! Don’t know when I’ll be back!” He calls to his brothers as he makes his way to the front door.

—

Nick jumps out of the car before the uber even stops fully, thanking the driver on his way out.

He rushes to y/n’s front door, her parents’ cars aren’t in the driveway indicating that she’s home alone. He knocks on the door constantly, calling out her name and calling her phone.

The door opens a crack, when the person on the other side realises that it’s only Nick, y/n opens the door the whole way. Before he can even register the bruise on her cheek, she rushes to him, hugging him tight.

“Hey, hey. It’s okay. I saw what happened” He rubs soothing circles on her back. “Let’s go inside”

Y/n nods and turns into the house. It isn’t until Nick has walked into the house and y/n has closed the door and turned to face him, that he sees the black eye and busted lip.

“Holy shit, y/n! Did someone beat you up?”

“No, I threw the first punch… I’m suspended for a month”

“You got in a fight?” She nods “Where’s your first aid kit? That’s gonna get infected”

“I already cleaned it. You didn’t have to come all this way for me, you know. I’m fine…”

Nick sighs and grabs his best friends hand, pulling her to the living room and plopping himself down on the couch, pulling her down to sit next to him.

“Y/n listen, you are my best friend, and I love you. So, if you are sad, or hurt, or even hungry! I will always be there to help you out, got it?”

The girl nods and laughs at his words. “I got it, thank you… How did you see what happened?”

“Some girl on Chris’ snapchat put a video on her story… you know those things aren’t true, right?”

“I know, it just hurts that people think that of me, you know? I used to be friends with her and now she’s just-”

“Horrible? Awful? A total mega bitch?” Nick fills in the gaps

“Yes, yes and yes” She laughs.

“Wait, you used to be friends? Who was it?”

“Remember Maya? I told you about her a while ago, we were practically attached at the hip in middle school?”

“Her? Really? What the fuck is her problem?”

Y/n knows the exact reason why Maya hates her. She doesn’t want to tell Nick, as it might hurt his feelings.

“She- uhm…”

“It’s because you’re friends with me, Chris and Matt, isn’t it?” His words are soft, as though he blames himself.

“She’s just jealous that I’m friends with you and she isn’t. I’m sorry.”

“Why are you sorry? It’s her fucking problem. Dumb bitch can’t even keep her jealousy to herself? That’s pathetic! I hate bullies.”

Nick notices y/n biting at her lip in worry, re-opening the cut on her lip in the process. A small droplet of blood falls from her lip, Nick winces at the sight. He hates blood.

“You’re bleeding again, you want a tissue?”

Y/n dabs her lip with her finger, looking at the blood that transfers. “Oh shit, yeah. Sorry Nick.”

“It’s no problem, I’ll be right back”

Nick leaves the room and comes back with some toilet paper, he hands it to the girl and she daps at her bleeding lip again. “Thank you”

“I have an idea. I don’t know if you’ll like it though”

“You’re ideas scare me”

“This one’s good, I promise!”

“Then why won’t I like it?” A skeptical tone laces the younger girls voice.

“What if you did the rest of your school year from home? Like we had to during covid. I’m sure the school would let you after what happened today.” Nick sits back down next to his best friend.

“My mom would kill me” She lets out a dry chuckle at the genuine thought.

“Come to my house to do it” He shrugs. “Don’t tell her you’re doing it. Come to my house every school-day and do your schoolwork there. Then we can hang out more too.”

Y/n genuinely thinks about it for a few minutes. “It’s not a bad idea… Do you think they’d let me do it without talking to my parents?”

“You don’t know until you ask” He shrugs.

“Okay. Yeah. I’ll talk to the principle when I get back to school.”

“Awesome! And for now…” Nick smirks as he pulls out his phone. “We stalk Mayas socials, get dirt on her and talk shit. Order some pizza, it’s gonna be a long night.”

“You’re my soulmate” The girl shakes her head, looking at her best friend in awe.

“You wish” He scoffs

“Soulmates can be platonic, weirdo”

“Oh. Then yeah, we’re definitely soulmates”

[clonerightsagenda]

His Dark Materials season 3 continues!

These were slightly less grueling although part of it might be that I had a task to work on while watching. I still get the sense that they dragged out every beat with a bunch of additional conversations whenever they could. Maybe that would be more welcome if I was watching this week by week as they were released rather than in a row.

Episode 5:

Oh thank god the mulefa do have their seedpod wheels, just not all the time.

I bet Mary wishes her degree was in botany, zoology, or anthropology, not theoretical physics.

We really speedrun the mulefa plotline in this. I wonder if it's difficult for show only people to follow? I naturally can fill in the gaps without thinking about it too much. The take that Eden is a savanna filled with rollerskating elephants remains bold.

They put Mrs. Coulter back into skirts... the monsters. Mrs. Coulter x pants is the real flagship of this tv show.

Will misgendered his daemon but then immediately switched to "her" when he talked about her being with Pan. Maybe the reminder that Pan is male tipped him off.

Going to the land of the dead and saying 'do you guys want to like. leave' remains a power move. Love a good harrowing of hell/afterlife breakout. The walls being piles of cast off objects from the living world is an interesting addition.

Roger: I've changed. My mom: I got a lot older. Me: It turns out if you die you can still go through puberty. It's part of our torture.

They cut the liar/Lyra bit with the harpies which is a shame. I guess they sort of used it earlier with the guard in the entry area of the land of the dead calling her a liar. Still all the harpies stuff is kind of out of order, with Gracious Wings saving her before they made their deal. Also instead of human heads the harpies look like they are part turtle.

Will and Lyra: languishing in hell Mary: hot girl summer

They sure dragged the bomb thing out. Honestly I don't hate it missing Lyra because the target locked too early, considering 'a ghost magically knows about the bomb and they defeat quantum entanglement by giving her a haircut' was kind of an ass pull. I also don't necessarily hate the rift being the angels retaliating, since it makes Metatron a more major player before his defeat and it makes the increasing loss of Dust a more direct part of the 'battle'. It does sort of undercut so much of the damage to the worlds being humans fucking shit up in the name of the Authority though. The angels in the book really don't do much, and I think that's by design. Also talking to you, Good Omens showrunners.

Episode 6:

Nooooooo not more voiceovers

Ruta lampshades it in the books but really how did Lord Asriel build his massive compound with foundries in like 2 months after crossing universes with nothing but the clothes on his back.

Asriel seeing a giant rift rip open between worlds: clearly this is about me

Mrs. Coulter: Our daughter is dead. Asriel: *read 4:16 pm*

Mrs. Coulter is like what they say about converts being the biggest zealots except she's converted to parenthood

Sergei got sucked into the rift? Ok so they racebent Ruta, made her clash with Serafina as the more violent/impulsive one, gave her the tension with Mrs. Coulter, and then killed her off even though she doesn't die (at least onscreen) in the books. Not a good look, guys!

Adding some Roger/Will active jealousy rather than Roger just sadly observing how close he and Lyra are now while Lyra doesn't even realize it. Suppose that's harder to do in video. But Will are you really gonna beef with a dead kid. Let him have this

Asriel and Iorek talking is show!original but I'll let it slide because it was satisfying to see someone finally hit Asriel

Will's dad finally (vaguely) drops the lore about the wrong world killing you, even if he didn't make it sound fatal in the same way. You guys couldn't have even had him dramatically coughing up a little blood in the last season? That's a classic

IDK why Will's dad got to explain what happens to ghosts while Lyra keeps saying she doesn't know. Babe you have the alethiometer

They didn't have Lee and Will's dad stick around to be a gay ghost warrior duo! I'm genuinely surprised considering how they went out of their way otherwise to give LMM more scenes.

Mrs. Coulter heart to heart with the golden monkey. Golden monkey sympathy arc has been THE most surprising adaptation change tbh. Not even joking about this

[whatisshelties]

Do people even like to read my thoughts on future dogs?

I got to hold shelties for breeders at the show this last weekend and the breeder I met the other month was there to introduce me to a few people. She got busy helping with dogs after awhile, so that didn't last super long, but at least it's a start. I also was able to tell people I'd been to the fb video call meeting for the sheltie club this week and some people remembered because I have the profile picture that is Not A Sheltie.

So I'm slowly getting out there. I have one more meeting before I can submit my application, then they do a home check (to make sure I'm not a hoarder, lol). They're starting to offer agility trials again, so I'm going to try to at least volunteer, if not get Mud fit enough to run. (Depending on his health.)

Anyway, yesterday had me pining for another sheltie. The more I connect and research, it seems like the area has a surplus of shelties. I shouldn't have a problem getting a puppy after getting on a list or getting a young adult that didn't work out for show. I've gotten the impression it could take years to build relationships and get a dog. Not so sure about that now.

That said, I'm hoping to get to know dogs and breeders better, so I can get paired with the right dog. I saw dogs with personalities I liked this weekend and others that looked worried just walking into the building. I need to get to more shows just to watch.

All this to say that I'm considering releasing my hold on the rescue mini aussie mix and just waiting for a sheltie. My current situation will put me back up to 3 dogs again if I get another dog, when I only wanted 2, so I had the option to get a 3rd down the line. The gap between next dog and next next dog will need to be bigger than I was thinking it might be earlier this year because I can't do 4 dogs. I had been thinking I'd get the rescue "now", and in fewer years than I tend to wait (basically less than 7 yrs), get another dog, likely a sheltie, though possibly a whippet. That order would depend on how agility apt the rescue was. (If rescue was good/stayed sound lmfao, would consider a whippet after that dog since agility feels like less of a sure shot than a sheltie.)

Now that I can only get one more dog until Mud and/or Anza passes away, I think I need to be more picky. :( Mud's mom is pushing 14, so barring any serious health issues, Mud has potential to reach 14. That means I could be waiting 7 years again, if I get another dog next year. And ngl, I have considered blowing it all off until Mud and Anza are decrepit because they're like...a single unit. They are simultaneously easy (they get along well) and difficult because their brain function drops by half when they are together. It's ridiculous.

I'm not going to make a decision quite yet. It sounds like the training videos the rescue is being feature in might be coming out soon, so I'd like to see those before I decline. She may be flipping amazing and I decide to blow off the sheltie.

Another factor is money. I need to replenish my savings that have been depleted over 18 months of being unemployed with minimal art income. I feel like I'd be better off taking a year or so to do that vs taking on a dog at the beginning of the year. (Rescue offered to hold dog as long as needed, which includes years, but I don't want to do that.)

[hebuiltfive]

This is a long one because I ramble, but:

I grew up in a big sci-fi loving family. My dad is old enough to remember watching the Anderson shows when they were first broadcast (his favourite was Stingray). I used to watch old re-runs of Doctor Who and Blake's 7 etc on the BBC in the early 2000s.

And amongst those in the re-run list was Thunderbirds and Captain Scarlet.

I remember being absolutely terrified over CS (yet I did want to become an Angel) but Thunderbirds was my absolute favourite. At some point in my childhood, my mum found a 1992 Tracy Island in a local charity shop. I still have the set, along with Thunderbirds 1, 2, 3, 4 and the Mole, all of which were too big for the set. They were made in 2000 I think. I never really cared for the storylines as a child, but I remember watching the Thunderbird machines in awe.

I also vividly remember buying the 2004 film on VHS, probably around 2006/7. I was OBSESSED with the movie. I watched it ALL THE TIME, and if you're old enough to remember the pain that was rewinding a VHS tape when you wanted to rewatch it, you can understand the level of obsession. When I re-watched the film a few months back, even though it had been 15+ years since I'd last seen it, I still remembered almost every word.

Then, I became super obsessed with Doctor Who and I kind of fell out of love with 60s puppetry and bad-but-good movie remakes. (Also worth noting that until this year I had no idea that NCS existed. I'm also blaming Doctor Who for that one, clouding over that gem all this time.)

Anyway.

When TAG aired, I was 19. I was taking a gap year between studying and wasn't really having a great time. When I heard about the new show I was so excited.

I remember watching the first episode in the double bill on CITV, and then each episode each week in the morning. I loved it. It made me so happy. I bought the first season on DVD and watched it on repeats throughout my first year of uni whenever I was feeling down.

After the mid-season break of season 2, I kind of fell out of the Thunderbirds loop. I became so busy with university and because I had no-one to talk to about it, I just ended up losing base.

I only fell back into it in January this year when I was bored on YouTube. I watched an old Blue Peter Archive video on making your own Tracy Island. I thought to myself 'man, I haven't seen that in a long time, maybe I should re-watch the animated series again'.

I found the show on Prime. Found out that I'd missed a whole season being released??? (I legit had no idea season 3 even was a thing). And then became re-hooked for the third time in my life.

At first I thought it was another hyper fixation and that I'd get over it in a few months. I can now confirm that it is not. I ended up searching fanart and fanfictions for Thunderbirds, which led me to Tumblr. When I found out there was a whole, active community here that not only loved TAG but the whole of the Anderverse? Oh, I'm fully on board the train now.

Hi Thunderfam!

Hey, so I know this will have been done MANY times before but for us newbies it would be fun to know how everyone got here!

So… I was a super fan of TOS in the 90s, tried and failed to build a Blue Peter Tracy island, pored through every annual and comic I could get my hands on. Saw small section of 2004 film and could not, so when heard there was another reboot I avoided it because I didn’t trust them not to ruin my childhood love.

Got into Nevermoor late last year, discovered tumblr, overlapped with @womble1 on Nevermoor things and followed a rabbit hole into a womble TAG fanfic which made me think… oh, maybe I should give that newfangled series a little look.

Sat down with 8 year old and said “there’s this thing that’s a remake of something I used to like, let’s see if it’s any good”. We were both hooked the moment Thunderbird 2 appeared out of the clouds - we’ve just finished our second run through all 3 seasons - and I realised there is a LOT of Thunderfam content to catch up on on here too which has kept me pretty busy :) at some point I’m planning to revisit TOS.

How did other people end up here?

[peterparkersnose]

Corrupt pt. 2

word count: 3.9k

warnings: age gap, crying, comforting, angst, lying, manipulation, gaslighting, anxiety attack, swearing, mentions of alcoholism, sexual references, stalking, guilt, violence, attacking, mentions of grime, riddler shenanigans, exposure, nudity, general non logical thinking (riddler has to pin down y/n, can be offensive to some. just a warning i forgot).

a/n woah longest fic i’ve ever written. i hope you guys like it, it might have gotten a little choppy at the end but i love it so so much (i know the gif doesnt have anything to do with the story but my god he looks so fine there)

summary part 2 to corrupt. Y/N discovers that Edward is the Riddler and her father’s corruption. 

masterlist

join the tag list

read time: 14 mins 25 seconds

Part 1

Three days went by. No word from Y/N. Edward scoured your Instagram for anything. Story posts with you drunkenly singing along to music with your friends. Photos from the party, you and Hazel. You and other socialite friends. You and Bruce. 

He understood now why you had gotten Bruce Wayne out of his reclusive shell. Your personality was golden. You were so kind, so amazing. How could Bruce resist?

It still angered him. Even though he felt perverted when he admitted it, he wanted to be with you. The softness of your hand the other night drove him crazy. 

He kept his phone on a constant charge, with the ringer set up to the highest setting. 

It was a Tuesday afternoon when he heard his phone go off. Edward was busy making a plan for his next contraption. He leaped out of his chair, knocking his glasses off his nose. He quickly scrambled over to the phone, but was disappointed to find out it wasn’t you. 

He only had his phone set for two notifications though. You and…

Oh, sweet sweet revenge. The files have dropped.

He sprinted to his computer, struggling to put his password in. Once he entered for forum, he squealed in delight from all of the information. Senators, Representatives, and oh, the Mayor? He was in bliss. All the worst of the worst and their faults. 

He searched through them, searching for the last name L/N. And that is what he found. 

Kellan L/N’s Folder.

Pay offs, deals with mafia leaders, all the boring common things he didn’t find as interesting. Well, he did find them interesting. He just knew there was more. There had to be. 

He clicked on the file called ‘Kat Calls’. Ed laughed at the clever play of words. Recordings of phone calls with a mysterious women containing explicit material. Better, but Ed knew there had to be more. He scrolled more down in the file, finding the gold. 

The women going by ‘Kat’ released the affair documents. Car paperwork signed by L/N, given to Kat. Videos of them being intimate. Photos of them together at a club. Pregnancy photos- wait what. Pregnancy photos?

Edward’s eyes almost popped out of his head. From his Riddler standpoint, he would be overjoyed. But from his standpoint, he knew you would be devastated. 

Seeing your close relationship with your mother, he figured you would be broken finding out about this. 

Edward clicked more files, releasing the subpoena of the paternity test, the text messages between Kat and Kellan, and pregnancy month updates of her bump. Kellan L/N’s new child. 

He slammed his computer shut, yelling in frustration. He then opened it again, going on his livestream. He needed to get some of this off his chest in a safe way. 

It wasn’t until that night when you texted him. You seemed distressed.

Unknown Number: is this Edward?

He jumped up and grabbed his phone. 

Edward: Yes, who is this?

Playing dumb. Good call.

Y/N: Y/N, we met at the diner?

Edward: Oh, yes! How are you?

Y/N: Can I come over? To talk. I need some realness in my life right now

Edward was shocked at your boldness. He figured some things about her father were leaked to the news. He had ignored the news stations all day, he had been scrolling through the other politician’s faults and didn’t want to hear the sugarcoated bullshit that was leaked to the press just yet. 

Edward: That would be okay. Do you need an address?

This was the night it would all go down.��

When you arrived, you were in emotional distress. You tried to hide it, but he could notice it. 

Edward had made sure to close off his Riddler room and lock it. He also hid away any other evidence he had laying around. It was his routine if the cops ever came looking for him. Easy practice. 

You were a bit disgusted by his apartment building. It wasn’t a great one. The foundation was cracking. His neighbors were, questionable. Mostly dropheads and drop dealers. Only few such as Edward were just genuinely poor and couldn’t afford (or be bothered) to move anywhere else

The apartment building didn’t have an elevator. Ed lived on the fifth floor. A rat ran across your shoes on the way up. You wanted more than anything to get this man out of this building. But that would be overstepping, right?

“Are you alright?” Edward asked, taking your coat. You sighed, trying to keep your tears in. You gave a slight ‘mhm’ and sat on his couch. 

“Would you like something to drink?” he offered. You knew he was trying to be comforting and you felt bad refusing his kindness. 

You stared at your knees, trying to keep the tears in. You felt like you could burst at any sudden time. 

Edward crouched down in front of you. He placed a hand on yours, attempting to make some eye contact. He saw the tears forming in your eyes. 

“Hey hey hey,” he said, reaching into your falling embrace as you began to cry. He held you tight, cradling a hand behind your head. His thumb rubbed the side of your head, comfortably stroking your hair. Ed was trying. “I-I-I can’t b-believe him!” you sobbed, shaking back and forth. 

Edward moved back. He moved your fallen hair behind your ears, and wiped a bit of mascara off your cheek. “What happened?” he asked, pushing up his glasses on his nose. 

Play dumb. 

“M-my father. He did some bad things.” 

“We don’t have to talk about it-” “Didn’t you see it on the news?” 

Play dumb.

Edward gave you a confused look and slowly shook his head. “I don’t know what your talking about,” he whispered. 

“My father is Kellan L/N,” you spat out. “Oh,” he responded, trying to make his reaction genuine. 

“I-I was told by Br-, a friend, that he has done some bad things.” you sobbed. His heart sank when he knew Bruce told you. Of course he knew. He was the Prince of the city. 

“I’m sorry,” he sighed, placing both hands on your knees. “Is there anything I can do?” Edward asked, looking up with kind eyes. You managed a small smile. “Your perfect,” you managed to say, not crying. Edward smiled back a slight smile.

He found blankets in his storage chest and placed them around you. Your anxiety had made you start to shake. He noticed the signs after living through them and witnessing them at the orphanage so many years ago. He sat there quietly, holding you at your request on his couch. Your breathe had just stopped shuttering when your phone rang. 

“Shit,” you muttered, staring at the screen. A picture of your oldest brother lit up on the phone. Edward sat silent as you picked up. 

“Yeah I fucking heard!” you screamed. Edward was taken aback at the sudden anger. “Bruce! Yeah, Bruce told me! John, just- no! You shut up! Are you with mom? Why does it matter where I am? I’m safe, I’m with a friend. What about mom? Y-your kidding me she’s on a fucking bender? Again?”

The tears began flowing once again. Your hand began to shake, and you dropped your phone on the couch. You bent over again onto Edward’s lap, sobbing. Edward could hear your brother yelling from the small speaker. He reached over and hung up your phone. He shushed you, not really sure of what to do. A beautiful woman was crying a little too close to his crotch. 

He tried to distract you. Telling you stories of his past life, some more of the positive ones. The time when a dog wandered into the orphanage and everyone collectively kept it as a pet. He left out the part where it was eventually taken by animal control, killing the rest of the children’s spirit that wasn’t already gone. When he tried ice cream for the first time at eleven. Christmastime and the small gifts he used to get. His college scholarship, his way out of his old life. You listened, trying to imagine anything but the horrors of your current life. Once you were asleep, he left you. 

You were so peaceful when you slept. Your eyes would so often flutter, he figured you were dreaming. Watching your breathe slowly move up and down. Your hand hanging off his couch with your perfect manicure. The tiny snores every once and a while. 

Eventually he found himself asleep on his chair, curled up. Six am, his alarm went off.

Unfazed by the exasperating noise screeching from his bedroom, you still slept. It was a Wednesday morning. Edward had to go to work. He got up and actually showered. He never showered in the morning, but he didn’t get the chance too last night. He hoped the noise of the creaky shower would wake you up. Not a chance. He observed you were a heavy sleeper. Something he could never have mastered himself, growing up in a constant state of fear. 

Work clothes. Button down shirt, khaki pants, dress shoes. Edward combed his hair flat like usual. Cleaned off his glasses, grabbed his work case and his wallet. Still, you slept. He sighed, hating to be the one who had to do this. He walked over to you and slightly tapped you on your shoulder. Nothing. 

“Hellooo?” he whispered. You snorted a tiny bit, moving over on the couch. “Y/N?” he asked, shaking your shoulder. You shot up on the couch, nearly missing his head. “Scared the shit out of me Ed!” you scolded him. Taken back by your tone, he apologized profusely. “I-I didn’t mean to I just had to go to work and-” 

“Shit,” you muttered, grabbing his flailing hands. “I’m really sorry sometimes I can be a lot in the morning,” you said sweetly, calming his hands into a stop in yours. “It’s okay,” you said. Edward swallowed hard. “I-I have to go to work.” he whimpered, checking his watch. His big doe eyes looked regretful. “Your welcome to stay- if you would like. Just please lock the door behind you if you leave. I can’t stress that enough, so many people here are just-” “I really should be going,” you cut off his rambling. “Are you sure? Do you have anywhere safe to go?” he asked, grabbing his keys off a hook by his door. “No,” you half laughed, staring up at him with your hand on your head. “Do you have any ibuprofen? My head is killing me,” you yawned. “Y-yeah, let me just-”

He opened his kitchen cabinet, swiping the rat poison to the back as he grabbed the container of relief pills from the back. Handing you a water bottle and the pills, he was itching to leave. He wanted to stay but he was already late. So late that when he left, he forgot to mention the most important thing. 

Don’t go in the back room. 

***

When you were fully awake, you noticed how dirty his apartment was. Dishes undone, dusty window ledges, dirt spots on the floor. You searched his kitchen for some type of cleaning supplies and was surprised to find some. They looked dated and like they could have been from ten years ago, but it worked. You cleaned and cleaned the whole day, trying to make the place the cleanest its been in years. Once you were finished with the kitchen and living room you were filthy. 

Your shirt was covered in cleaning supplies and grime. You contemplated going home and changing, but you knew one of your brothers or a representative for the family or even worse, reporters would be waiting for you. 

Ed had to have a shirt you could borrow, right? He is such a kind man, he wouldn’t be angry if you borrowed one for the time being while yours was washing, right?

The door handle to Edward’s bedroom was stiff, but the second you put force on the old door it creaked open. His bedroom was normal. The sheets were a bit disheveled and there was a pile of dirty clothes in the corner, but that was normal. The floor creaked as you walked over to his closet. With a little push, the old panels creaked open similar to his door.

And that was when you found it. 

The seemingly secret room crammed into his closet. The wall was backed out into another space, maybe an empty apartment next door. It stopped at a certain length, but the room was spacious. 

You first noticed the wall. Newspaper clippings, tabloid pictures of Batman, old election propaganda, pictures of politicians with their eyes crossed and cut out. Associates of your father’s, wait- your father?

You ran your hand over the newspaper clipping about his re-election three years ago. You could see yourself in the background of the picture. 

He knew.

You felt the adrenaline course through your body. You had to get the fuck out of there. You ran out of his closet, and attempted to get back to the kitchen when you tripped on his lamp cord. 

Thud, bump. Broken lightbulb on the floor. And to your luck, Edward was already home. 

“Y/N?” you heard him yell, rushing into his bedroom. Edward was panicking. You were in his bedroom. Didn’t he tell you- oh. 

How could I be so stupid? He cursed himself.

His bedroom door busted open, finding you on the floor next to a broken lamp. He looked up to see his closet door open. 

“Fuck,”

You jumped up from the floor and grabbed him, throwing him on the bed. For your size, he was surprised you were that strong. But you weren't as smart. 

His small figure made him able to slither out from below you and grab your waist, pinning you to the bed. You yelled for help. Edward could almost hear his heart breaking. He got on top of your writhing body, pinning your flailing hands above your head. 

“Stop. Stop fucking yelling!” he hissed at you, making you want to fight more. “Don’t make me do this, please Y/N. I don’t want to hurt you,”

He had no choice. You were almost out of his grips. If you were to escape, his scheme would be up. He grabbed his paperweight off of his nearby desk and decked you in the head with it. 

***

“Fuck! Please, please wake up!” Edward yelled, shaking your shoulders. He came into your view blurry, multiple visions of him swirling around the room. “Hey, hey!” he yelled, picking your slumped head up. 

“Wh-what did you do?” you slurred, trying to move your limbs. That is when you noticed you were tied to a chair. “Please don’t be mad,” he begged, sitting on his knees in front of you. You recognized the room you were in.

His Riddler lair. 

“Your him?” you asked, referring to the mask sitting on a nearby desk. He let out a sigh. “Your the one who has been killing all these people?” you yelled, regaining most of your consciousness now. 

“No, no Y/N. These are not people.” he laughed. “Corrupt, evil, malicious politicians. Poising Gotham with their greed.” 

You scoffed, turning your head away. That is when you noticed the dry blood on the side of your cheek. “You hit me?” you asked, looking up at him in disbelief. “I had to. I feel horrible. God, I could have killed myself over the sight,” he said manically, placing a hand on your shoulder. 

“Look at the wall,” he said. You closed your eyes shut. “Look! Now!” 

He grabbed your throbbing head and forced it forward.

The wall was covered with the propaganda like you saw before. You noticed a section with pictures of Bruce. You recognized some pictures that were stolen off your instagram. Your father had a small section, along with pictures of your brothers.

“You knew who I was,” you said, choking up. “I did. But I didn’t seek you out. Fate brought us together Y/N.” Edward said.

“Fate isn’t real,” you yelled, sobbing. “Then why are you sitting here?” Edward yelled back. 

Your sobs made him upset. This was not how this was supposed to go. 

Edward brought you water. “Please, drink.” he begged, bringing the bottle up to your lip. You took it cautiously, being prepared to black out again. But that wasn’t the case. “I really don’t want to hurt you. Just- listen.” he said, flinching at the sight of your wound. 

He brought his desk chair in front of you along with a file. 

“What do you know of a woman named Kat?” 

You shook your head. “I don’t know anyone named Kat.” you sighed. You writhed in your restraints. “Can you make these looser?” you begged, tears mixing with the blood and sweat on your cheeks. Edward nodded, loosening the handcuffs just enough. 

“Why do you ask?” you asked suspiciously. He opened the file and waved a picture of a pregnant woman in front of your face. “Never seen her in my life,” 

He knew you weren’t lying. No, you were too perfect. You could never lie like your dirty father. 

“What do you know about your father?” he asked calmly. “He’s dirty. A bad politician. Taking business deals from the mafia, dealing with some dirty people. He’s a problem in this city. I always thought he was good. He always seemed good. He always was…” you trailed off. “It’s why I came here,” you sighed. Edward wiped a fallen tear off your face. “Your not bad, your not evil.” he assured you. “I hate seeing you cuffed.” he sighed, his eyes looking tired. 

He re-focused on the document.

“Your gonna be a big sister,” he chuckled, showing you pictures of your father with this woman. Kissing at a party, walking together holding hands. 

This is the big thing your brother wouldn’t tell you. 

You completely broke down crying, yelling. Edward hugged you as you cried into his shirt. 

“Please Ed, let me go. I won’t run, I promise.” you begged. His heart sank. “I have no where else to go. Everything- everything is gone.” you begged. He had to trust you. The key made a sharp noise unlocking the handcuffs. He cut the rope tying you to the chair. You fell forward into his arms. 

“I didn’t want you getting hurt even more. By the media. By your family. By Bruce Wayne.”

“What about Bruce?” you asked, sitting down on his bed. He sat next to you, tending to your wound. “You don’t think he knew all of this? About the woman? The affair? The baby?” 

Your heart sank. “He told me about the corruption there’s no way he could have-” “No, no my sweet Y/N. He knew before the media did. Every single person on the forum got this before the media did. He knew,”

Edward stroked your hair, trying to get the blood out of it. “You’ll need a shower,” he sighed, placing the paper towels next to him. He gave you a few towels and lead you to the bathroom. You were still a bit wobbly. He sat outside his bathroom, listening to make sure you didn’t fall. 

Good thing he was listening, because you did fall.

The shower seemed to temporarily wash away the problems that have occurred in the last few hours. How could Bruce not tell you? How could your father do this? Did your brother’s know? Your no longer the baby of the family. You were showering in the Riddler’s shower?

Your vision began to blur in this cycle of anxiety, and the blood loss didn’t help.

Edward cautiously opened the door, his glasses fogging up. “A-are you okay?” he asked, looking at the floor. “Fuck- uh,” you said, trying to get up. You kept slipping in the oddly shaped tub. It had to be over thirty years old. “Help,” you asked. “Are you sure?” he asked, cautiously moving closer to the curtain. He heard you scramble around, your limbs scraping against the wet tub. “It’s okay,” you assured him. He wiped his glasses and opened the shower, gluing his eyes shut. He outstretched his arms, feeling the warm shower water hit them. “Hold on,” he said, grabbing the side of your naked body and pulling you up into a more comfortable position. He shut off the water with one hand, and guided you out with the other. He caught a glimpse of you, his vision heading straight to his dick. 

He handed you the towel from the rack and started to leave. You grabbed his arm, looking him in the eyes. “Thank you,” you smiled, tying the towel around yourself. 

He was shocked you didn’t hate him. 

He gave you a small smile back, and tried to leave again. This time you pulled his arm in, moving him close to you. The two of you stared at each other for a moment, feeling the gap naturally close. 

You kissed him. For what? He saved you. You didn’t understand the logic. You should have been fighting to leave. He didn’t hurt you. He saved you from lots of hurting. He showed you the real lie that you had been living your whole life. He was your savior. And that is why you kissed the Riddler.

Silence sat between you two. You hated the tension. After you had kissed him, he couldn’t make eye contact with you. Did you read this all wrong? How could he be interested in you. He was older than you. Almost ten years, in fact. He was poorer than you. He hated the rich. He had every reason to kill you and hide you where nobody could find you. But he didn’t. 

You sat on his bed wearing one of his shirts and a pair of his sweatpants. He sat behind you, combing your hair for you as you stared at a crack on his wall.

“The kiss was nice,” he managed to squeak out. You smiled. “I was worried you didn’t like it,” “Would I be sitting here, braiding your hair and being with you if I didn’t?” he asked. “No, I guess not.” 

Silence again. 

“What are you going to do? With the information.” you asked him. “Whatever you want me to do.” he said, finishing the braid. He moved up and laid beside you. You sat and thought for a moment.

“Release it.” you sighed. 

Edward furrowed his eyebrows. “I thought you would want me to burn it,” he asked. “No. Fuck him. Fuck that whole family of mine.” you sighed, laying down now and facing him. He loved when you said that. He could feel the same rage in you as he felt in himself. Your wet hair dripped on his pillow. “We can leave, get out of the city. We have a nice place upstate it can be…”

But you forgot.

He’s the Riddler. The Riddler who has been killing. Number one enemy of the Gotham police at the moment. 

“I’m satisfied,” Edward said. “With what?” you asked. “I’ll leak it. All. Then I’m done. My work here is done.” he smiled. “You’ll give it up?” you asked him, meeting his doe eyes once again. He nodded his head and placed his lips to your forehead. “I’m done. Anything for you.”

“You are the only real person I’ve ever known, Edward Nashton.” you smiled, moving into his warm embrace. “You're perfect.” you whispered into his chest. 

He had already the grand finale planned. Instead of enjoying it in Arkham, he could enjoy it from the news in a comfy upstate home. Away from consequence, really happy for the first time ever in his life. 

-

tag list: @beenz-beenz @fikism @liveforkarljacobs @colorsofjun @kr4lie @slut-for-matt-murdock @dani5216 @uwiuwi @alohastyles-x @samanthacookieone @maddieinnit0

[feelingofcontent]

DNP Rewatch: Trying To See Things Without My Glasses

Date video was published: 09/28/2019 (X)

DNP Main Channel Rewatch: 400

Sometimes I forget this video exists as a somewhat-joint (Dan in voice form) video. It really was the last thing until late 2020 though. Phil asked people to tweet him images a few days before this, so a pretty quick turn-around time on posting.

0:00 - love the inclusion of the sync clap, likely only because of the song break-out that ends up happening. also: the rise of brown-haired Phil!

0:11 - feel like Phil laughs at himself more when Dan is also in the room

0:28 - Phil being inspired by Jenna is perfect

0:41 - the “I find you riveting” is great. Phil is SO giggly in this video 🥺

1:02 - a complete tangent here...and ending with a decisive “tit” from Phil 😂

1:13 - more Phil laughing; I’m obsessed

1:23 - Dan telling him exactly what to do and then immediately saying “no one asked for that” is great

1:36 - I feel like Phil drops his glasses more than the average person

1:52 - king of comedy Phil with the self-call-out editing there

2:10 - I wonder how far away he actually is

2:19 - Phil is so confident and Dan is giving away way too much with his face, apparently

2:35 - the Monty Mole comparison is a little too accurate, haha

2:45 - leaving in the argument about this...Dan is so insistent! and Phil immediately caves

2:55 - I WISH we could see Dan’s reaction to that one

3:21 - at least Phil can identify himself!

3:43 - I am Phil, constantly cleaning my glasses on my shirt

3:48 - dying. 😂 Phil is SO confident about that one and it is hilarious. and Dan’s hyena laughter

3:57 - and then Dan trying to justify it somehow

4:27 - Dan already gave a hint with the “traitor” there

4:45 - too much of a hint there

4:59 - Phil air-quotes!

5:06 - yeah that is too many changes in vision too quickly

5:21 - 😂😂😂 somehow neither of them noticed

5:51 - how Phil somehow got this one accurately...this picture is just disturbing

6:17 - Phil lip bite 👀

6:23 - well he’s got the memes down

6:28 - I love him trying to guess this one! and Dan trying to lead him into saying something insulting. and the “dodgy mustache” comment. Dan had just been in France with his family, which is where that photo was from (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)

7:14 - Phil is clinging too much to what Dan says rather than looking at the picture

7:48 - Phil really does sometimes see dicks in everything 😳

8:01 - Dan did take the dick cactus photo, back in 2017

8:11 - Dan putting this one right after the cactus photo and telling Phil to get his mind out of the gutter is hilarious

8:22 - *penis Dan, penis penis penis*

8:37 - don’t know about that description...

9:05 - again Phil not even trying to look at the photo lol

9:33 - hilarious. poor Phil

9:42 - and great choice by Dan because he knew EXACTLY what Phil was going to guess

10:17 - Phil just staring and smiling before the next photo comes up 🥺

10:24 - extremely specific guess there

10:43 - “fallopian vibes” “ovarian energy” what even

10:54 - they must have cut out a landscape image, because there hadn’t been one earlier

11:26 - the “well I don’t want to now!” 😂

12:09 - how he managed to jump from croissant to naked mole rat, I have no idea

12:32 - oh, now Phil’s making a mole comparison himself

12:46 - he does recognize himself...but this picture is extremely disturbing

13:30 - starting and ending on tangents is somehow completely normal for a dnp video

13:33 - hilarious that Phil took Dan saying “bye” as the end of the video

13:45 - the return of Phil live-shows! this was exciting as there had been no live content in 2019 to this point

Why do I forget about this video?! It’s so cute! They’re so giggly! I love it.

Another gap over over a month between videos. Right after the last one is when they got Norman and the start of Dan’s aqua-scaping hobby (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7). 😊 They also went to visit some friends up North, before Dan’s France trip (1, 2, 3, 4, 5). And while Dan was in France, Phil traveled a bit too (1, 2, 3, 4).

(also, sidenote: I can’t believe this is my 400th of these posts 😲)

[writingsfromhome]

Water under the Bridge (Josslyn II)

A/N: Okay! Here it is!!!! This was fun and made my heart hurt a little but maybe I’m just being emotional. And can you guys believe it’s been over a year since I posted Josslyn?? Where has the time gone?? I don’t think we’re on the sacred timeline anymore........Anyway thank you anon who suggested this storyline, and hope y’all enjoy! <3

Josslyn (Original)

------

We’re going to have the best weekends evr, Regan texts me even though she’s just in the other room. Schedules were released for our summer semester and Regan and I had managed to get Fridays off. Summer was going to be so fun, and after two years doing college together we were experts at managing our workload to have fun on the weekends--even if that meant sacrificing a few nights’ sleep.

We’ll make summer our bitch, I text back. I hear a chuckle from her room.

Help me pick out a fit? she texts. I want to tell her Adam would love her in whatever, but I head to her room instead and watch her try on a dozen outfits before settling on the second. I tease her about Adam--they were going steady since first year, but she still got so nervous about him sometimes. Adam’s college was a train ride away so he would come down at least one weekend a month.

As for my own love life, there’d been no one steady. I did the whole hooking up and dating scene in first year but I was romantically burnt out by second. Nowadays, I could go home with someone if I chose to, but I also didn’t mind if I didn’t. My active endeavor to find a boyfriend had stopped when I realized I was trying to fill a gap. Instead, I was learning to be happy on my own.

“Are you sure I can’t convince you?” Regan asks. She was taking the train to Adam’s college and staying with him, there was this big start-of-summer party and she’d been trying to convince me for weeks.

“I don’t feel like being a third wheel,” I tell her honestly.

“You don’t have to!” She goes over her one argument again. “Gaelle’s roommate isn’t even back until next week so she has a spare room! She said you should come. Plus,” she ties her hair up, “it’s the weekend before the semester starts so have some fun.”

I make a noise, and she turns to look at me, totally judging me. It makes me laugh. “That’s why my version of fun is to.binge Netflix and-”

“Y/N!” She groans.

“Fine! I’ll go.”

Two words that would change everything.

***

By the time we get to the campus, Regan and I had come up with a dozen things we could potentially do this summer. I’m high on excitement as we meet up with Gaelle, and the three of us head to Adam’s place.

The sun is almost set by the time we leave, most of the sky is dark but a streak of orange stays stubbornly on the horizon. I pause to take pictures before we’re rushing off.

We approach the frat house--if you could call it that. It was half glass with a very modern structure. The greek symbol on the side of the house was the only indicator it wasn’t a millionaire’s summer-house.

“Since when did frat houses get so modern?” I ask. “This is...nice.”

“Wait ‘til you see inside,” Adam says. And he was right, even the drinks were fancier with their own guy behind the bar...although he was taking the occasional shot and getting progressively drunk.

We settle in an area close to the music and get swept up into the party atmosphere. Some people were beyond drunk already and I enjoyed the slight buzz of the drink in my hand. The views from inside with floor-to-ceiling windows were amazing.

Pretty soon, Adam and Regan break off. We move towards the centre of the party where the typical party shenanigans were happening. We tip back our drinks and pretty soon I’m straddling the line between tipsy and drunk. I find a cute boy with blonde hair and deep brown eyes and makeout with him until he gets too handsy.

“Ugh!” I give him one last shove and look for Gaelle but I’d lost her too. I search for a bathroom but they’re either occupied or have a lineup. This was a huge ass house, one of the bedrooms had to have one.

I open the first door to shouting.

“It’s called locking the door!” I shout drunkenly as I close it. The next room actually is locked, and the next one isn’t but I wish it was. “Eugh.”

I climb up to the topmost level, three doors--one was locked with the sound of people inside and the second is a bathroom. I was grateful people hadn’t made it up this far.

As I wash up, and touch up the mascara that was crusting under my eyes the door shakes as someone bangs on it from the other side.

“Dip! What the fuck are you doing in there? Everyone’s waiting for you!”

My heart pounds at the sudden noise and the deep voice demanding me to open up. The rush of adrenaline sobers me for a moment as I rush to open the door, “Sorry I didn’t realise anyone was...waiting.”

My words slow down and freeze altogether as I realise the fist banging on the door belonged to...him. Harry. He seems just as surprised as me, straightening up before a smile slowly inches across his face, it was almost sweet bordering on predatory. “Y/N!”

“Hi,” I say awkwardly. There was a lot of history and also not at all. I was also, I decide, too drunk for this. Act sober, this is not the night to run into this fucker.

“You-you’re the last person I was expecting to--excuse me it’s... good to see you! You look--you look as beautiful as ever!”

The events from high school that created this tense history between Harry and I was one of the worst things possible to happen to teenage Y/N. The thing is though, that I’d totally bounced back after I had decided he could fuck himself. Although it was awkward seeing him every day until graduation, it made me tougher. I credit it for making me so casual about relationships now...I stopped expecting so much of the boys I saw.

But leaving high school behind, my world expanded with college, I realised how childish it had all been: I’d had a fling with a player, and he’d played the field...It wasn’t that deep. But seeing him now, It made me aware in a way I wasn’t for a long time. Maybe what they said about distance had some merit. Or maybe I was just buzzed.

“Thanks...I wasn’t expecting you either.”

“You don’t uh, you don’t go here do you? I’ve never seen you around.”

“No,” I look out to the small hall but there’s no one there. The room that was previously locked is slightly ajar carrying male voices. “Adam goes here, I’m...with Regan.”

“Ah, Regan.” He smiles. “You’re still two peas in a pod?”

“Obviously,” The stiffness eases at the mention of my best friend. “So...can I get out of here?”

“Yeah sorry,” he moves aside so I can step into the hall. “Um, we’re playing video games in here room if you...you’re probably not interested.”

I clear my throat, Harry was playing video games when there was a party downstairs? I was curious, that maybe he changed.

“Oh,” he laughs and the dimples I adored make an appearance. “I’ve still got it! My frat just hosts too many parties for me to keep track.”

I guess I said that out loud, I bite my tongue but it really has a life of it’s own. “Did you jussay you still got it?” Oh my god, I was teasing him already. What about Harry made me absolute putty.

“Yeah,” he looks almost bashful. “Uhm, go easy I’m a little nervous here Y/N.”

I don’t know what to say to that, I bite my lip so nothing stupid comes out.

“So you’re just here for the night?” He carries on.

“Staying over with a friend,”

“A fr-” he cuts himself off, pressing his lips together. I realize I’m staring and look away.

“I should go-”

“Wait I-wait uh, how have you been? I haven’t seen you in years.”

“Yea,” I play with the rings on my fingers. “M’good, great. College’s a lot better than high school.”

“It’s not even comparable,” Harry says as he leans his shoulder against the wall. He looks perfectly placed there, and a tipsy voice flashes inappropriate thoughts into my head. “So...any...boyfriends?”

“Um,” that was direct. “No. No, I’m trying out being single...”

“Did something happen?” His expression is still casual but he holds himself rigid.

“No? A girl can’t be single?”

“Sure but someone like you...I’m just surprised.”

“Whatever that means,” I roll my eyes and head past him to go down but he blocks my way.

“Wait, I didn’t mean to offend you...” his voice dies out as I cross my arms. “I also didn’t mean to block you in.”

He steps aside and it feels painful to me but I take the small steps towards the staircase. One part of me--I blame the tipsy stupid part, wants to kiss him just to see if there was still something there, see if anything’s changed. The other was listing all the reasons this was an awful idea, to top it off he was a proven player, has broken my trust once before, and went to a school almost 2 hours from mine.

“Y/N,” Harry’s gruff voice says from behind me. My feet turn without permission and he’s right behind me. “M’sorry. Let me start over.”

I glance at his lips, damn. I can’t meet his eye suddenly. Oh god, I was still pretty tipsy. My mind short-circuits and all I can do is turn back to walk away, down the two sets of stairs, past sweaty bodies and loose limbs. In a great coincidence I bump into Gaelle in what looks like a game room.

“Harry goes here?” I ask--shout at her immediately. Her eyes widen, something passes over her face. “Was no one going to tell me he was going to be here?”

“I’m sorry!” She shouts. “I forgot you two had history!”

“I just wish I was prepared,” I say and she doesn’t hear, I just shake my head when she asks me to repeat. I needed another drink, and Regan. Maybe she could remind me why I stopped caring about him.

As I set off to find her, I’m reminded again how stupid this all was. High school was an ancient dream, we were all different people. I was a different person.

But even though what happened in high school was petty and juvenile, I remember how Harry made me feel. How it felt when we were together--even if it was a joke for him back then, I couldn’t forget the feeling of being seen. Of having arms to fall into, even if I knew they weren’t permanent.

“Regan!” I find her sitting on the dining table while Adam spoke with someone else. Her eyes alight and she waves me over. “I saw him! He...he goes here!”

“Who?” Confusion strings her brows together.

“Harry! From...you know Harry! He was upstairs! I--I didn’t know how to act.”

“Shit Harry! I forgot he went here!”

“You knew?” I throw my hands up.

“I didn’t think it was a big deal! He’s a dick but that was high school?”

“No I-” I sigh. “You’re supposed to tell me he’s still a dick! I saw him and it just got...complicated.”

Regan slides off the table and pulls me into a side hug, we can also hear each other better. “You’re a big kid now, do whatever you want Y/N. Tell him off, kiss his face, take revenge, who the fuck cares? We’re taking the train two hours home after this anyway!”

She had a point. But still...he couldn’t have changed much from the boy who hurt me.

“Adam hangs out with him sometimes,” Regan continues. “Apparently he’s not as bad as high school. He’s...mellowed out.”

“Unreal,” I roll my eyes. Adam was just covering for his friend. We hear a cheer go up behind us and Regan bulges her eyes as two guys help Adam up on his hands to do a keg stand.

Regan swears and heads back to him. I walk away, somehow feeling more and less confused after talking to Regan--do I go back up and see what this leftover emotion was, or ignore it as a drunken need for comfort?

But it’s like the decision is made for me when a hand wraps around my arm as I move from the dining area to the kitchen. I already know it’s him before I turn.

“Can we talk?” he asks. I nod and his grip loosens, slipping down into my palm. “Upstairs?” He motions to the staircase and we climb up the two flights. This time he leads me into one of the locked doors and although I’ve never been here, I’d been in some version of this room before. It’s familiar.

I ignore the ache when he lets go of my hand once we’re inside. I set my drink down on his desk and perch on the window ledge, it’s not big enough to sit on but has enough space for a few of his books and a speaker. His room’s pretty near, but then again Harry was never messy.

“So what do you want-” I start just as he says “Let me get this off my chest.”

“Go ahead,” I cross my arms before uncrossing them, and then crossing them again. With the way he ruffles his hair and crosses to the door and back, he seems just as nervous.

“You can leave at any time. I just want to say I was an asshole, I still kind of am sometimes. And I’m sorry for what I did to you. I know it’s like what--2 years late but all that with...Josslyn and all that...I’m sorry.”

Hearing her name makes me want to grind my teeth but I let the feeling pass. I reach for my drink instead to give me something to do. “It’s all water under the bridge.”

“Really?” Harry regards me suspiciously. “Because the way you were talking to me out there...”

“You’re just you,” I shrug. “Harry Styles, player and sweet-talker. I was just guarding myself against that.”

“Because of what happened between us?”

“No...maybe. I don’t know. But honestly, I’m not upset with you. It feels like an eternity ago. I guess it’s just self-preservation.”

“I guess,” he echoes. “So where does that leave us? If you’re all self-preserved?”

I eye him but he cracks a smile, he was teasing me. “It doesn’t have to leave us anywhere,” I snort. “We’re water under the bridge Harry...”

“My parents split,” he says suddenly and I’m reeling with the direction he’s taken. I open my mouth, and close it when nothing comes out. “Sorry, I know that’s random it’s just I never really talked to anyone about how they were rarely home and when they were they were always arguing a-and we spoke about it a lot. About our families so I just...”

“I’m sorry to hear that, do they still live in town?” I ask, wanting to put my hand on his or show him I cared but they stay glued to my drink.

“My mom moved into the city, it’s closer to her job and since I’m not living at home anymore it doesn’t really matter...”

“You still go home?” I ask.

“I don’t even know where home is?” He looks at me then, and the look in his eyes chips at the wall I’d been trying to build all night. Things had changed, for him.

“Are you--do you have someone to talk to?”

His laugh is dry, “They split last summer, convinced me to talk to some therapist. I don’t know if it really helped I think I’m actually better off. They’re better off and I just feel...free.”

I don’t know what to say to that so I stay quiet. He looks back up at me then, cracks his knuckles, before perching on his bed. “I’m just--sorry I’m not telling you that so you can feel sorry for me-”

“I don’t I just-”

“No it’s okay I just want to tell you that because you knew about that stuff. But I’m trying to tell you I’m not the same guy. Not completely, I’m just trying to tell you things changed and so have I.”

It echoes the same sentiment I had earlier in his conversation, and I remember Regan said he’s mellowed out. Maybe it was true. It still didn’t mean I was going to get together with him anytime soon but my heart hurts for him. I walk up to where he sits, he watches me with a steady gaze.

In the quiet, I hear the party going on outside the window, three floors below us. If I listen really carefully, I can hear sounds coming from the video game being played next door. In the stillness, I reach for Harry’s hand and he obliges, grasping mine.

“I wish I could...help you with the hurt. Not knowing where to call home is pretty shitty.”

“Don’t worry about me Y/N,” he pastes on his classic smile and I return one for his sake. It was getting heavy in here. “I’m just happy I got to talk to you. And I just found out you don’t hate me so...” he holds our intertwined hands and shakes it. “woo hoo!” I laugh as we let go.

“I guess I should go back to the party.”

“Yeah, okay. I won’t keep you.”

“Okay,” I’m a little stung he doesn’t suggest I stay a little longer. Maybe it was all in my head, maybe his intentions really were to make amends and that’s it. I pick my drink up from his windowsill and move to the door. I glance back before I go, he’s laying on his bed deep in thought, gazing up at the ceiling. I close the door behind me.

***

I wake the next morning, surprisingly well. I can’t say the same for Gaelle who’d passed me her keys at some point and told me she’d be home late. I spent the rest of the party trailing Regan until I decided I should just go crash. Harry hadn’t come out to find me, and I tried to hide the sour feeling, excusing myself early.

“Fuck me,” Gaelle croaks from her bed when I step into her open doorway.

“How about coffee, and pancakes?” I ask, returning the favor of being able to sleep here.

“I’ll take it,” she flops back into bed. I busy myself with measuring coffee and water, my thoughts occupied with everything Harry and I had been through since we last saw each other. I demonized him for so long, humanizing him is harder to swallow.

What he’d done to me was shitty, there was no denying. But had he really changed? And most importantly, why did I care so much? It’s not like he was the one.

My phone rings: Regan. She’s talking so fast I hardly hear her, only really understand that it was a party ritual to gather in the student centre the morning after a big party. Endless coffee and free food seemed to be the general consensus for a party cure.

“I don’t know if I can make it there,” Gaelle says when I tell her. “I was hoping for pancakes at home.”

“I already put the coffee on but I’m hauling your ass there if you’re not up in 5. Our train leaves after noon anyway and it’s closer to the college.”

Slowly but surely Gaelle emerges and we make our way, spotting Regan easily as the bright spot in a sea of college students in PJs and last night’s clothing. She’s the only one fully dressed, with a full face of makeup on.

“I didn’t drink that much,” she shrugs when we settle around her and Adam’s friends. “Unlike some people.” She looks pointedly at Adam who’s slumped where he sits. I remember the kegger and laugh.

Life soon flows back into the group around us as does the coffee and breakfast foods. I’m relaxed in the environment until I look down the tables to where Harry stands, looking back at me. He raises a hand and I do the same until an extremely tall angel--she was literally wearing a halo, probably from last night-walks up to him and wraps her hands around his waist. She says something to him and he tears his gaze away.

I look down at my cup immediately, my cheeks burning with humiliation. I’d been thinking about him all this time, thinking about how it might feel if I kissed him and of course he had a girlfriend. She never came up, but he never said he didn’t either. He didn’t make any moves on me yesterday, if I looked at it he only made an attempt to talk. Sure he was flirty but that was just Harry and I...I was a fool. I was such a fool. Things may have changed for him but he hadn’t. He was still the same Harry who chose Josslyn over me. He would always have a girlfriend, I was just the girl from his past who he could trust. I couldn’t say the same about him.

“What’s wrong,” my best friend nudges me. “Are you feeling okay?”

“I don’t know,” I look into her concerned eyes. “I’m just going to--I’ll be right back.”

I head out and find the closest washroom. The tears are instant and I let myself cry--out of frustration, humiliation, or some twisted sense of betrayal...it was all the same for me. I check the time, I just had to hold myself together and avoid Harry for another 2 hours before we were back on the train home. I would tell Regan everything then.

*** Three weeks later ***

“If Adam’s over later...” Regan trails off. She’s sprawled on my bed while I sit in my desk chair trying to read one more chapter before I close the books for the week.

“I have my earplugs ready and a second place to stay,” I roll my eyes. “I already told Kiara I might crash on her couch.”

“I owe you,” she jumps back up.

“You owe me like, 7 and a half.”

“7 and a half?”

I’m about to answer but a knock on our door has her racing out. I try to ignore the voices, I just had two more pages I had to get through--the joy of summer classes.

“Y/N?: Regan’s voice is a whisper. “We’re going now but...you have a guest. If you want me to kick his ass I totally can though.”

Standing behind her is Harry. I focus on him, yes it really was him. Why was he here?

“Harry?” I sound confused because I am. He’s wearing a plain white t-shirt and jeans, and he’d traveled 2 hours just to get here.

“He wouldn’t leave me alone,” Adam says louder as they leave the room. “I’m sorry Y/N...”

“What is this?” I ask. My feelings are at war with each other, I was still feeling slighted by the last time we saw each other but seeing his face was also an exciting surprise.

“I wanted to see you,” Harry says nervously. He still stays at my bedroom door.

“You can come in...” I stand up and realize I was wearing an oversize t-shirt and the scruffiest PJ shorts I owned. “Phones have cameras now, you didn’t have to come all this way.”

He shrugs, taking one step in. “I liked seeing you in person last time. But I feel like we left it wrong.”

He knows I saw him, what conclusions I must have come to. It wouldn’t be that hard. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. We talked it out.”

He comes to life, “Don’t play dumb Y/N I know you saw me with...I know what you thought and-”

“Did you really come all this way to explain that you had a girlfriend? Like, three weeks later?”

“No that’s the thing-”

“Because that’s kind of dumb. And unnecessary-”

“No listen!” He says a bit louder so I do. “The thing is she wasn’t my girlfriend...we’d hung out a few times but she saw me at the caf and got clingy. We’re not an item honestly, I can’t remember the last time I had a girlfriend-.”

“So why are you here?” My voice is higher than usual. I was confused, and upset, and I wanted him to leave. This was starting to sound like Josslyn part 2.

“You know why I’m here. Y/N I’ve been nothing but a dick to you and I know I don’t deserve you but I really like you. I want to clear the air, and ask you if you can see something here I...”

He trails off when he notices the tears trailing down my cheek. It’s just too much for me, as I finally face the emotions from that weekend. I’d shoved them aside after Regan had gotten onto the train worried her and Adam were headed towards a breakup. I’d put aside what happened and never thought about it. But my heart broke a little that morning. 

I knew what I knew: maybe Harry and I weren’t good for each other but we were good with each other. In an attempt not to get hurt I’ve been distancing myself from romantic connections--I found more of myself in doing this, but a part of me was missing without exploring it.

Harry moved closer until we’re nearly touching. I wipe my tears with my shoulder and we stand still on the hardwood floors of my room. An eternity passes before he reaches out to wipe the tear caught in my lashes. I close my eyes to his touch, scared of how much I wanted it.

“Y/N,” my name is a breath on his lips and it makes my heart stutter. My eyes open in slow motion, seeing him so vulnerable right in front of me, and suddenly things speed up and we’re reaching for each other; two waves crashing until they become one.

***

I don’t know how much time had passed in minutes, Adam and Regan are still out but Harry and I had fallen together and crashed apart so many times that I’m dizzy with it.

“You’re wonderful,” he says as we face each other, our noses just nearly touching. He trails a finger down my cheek. “Just...incredible.”

I feel the flush spread through me, “Great vocab Styles. We’re really using the big words.”

“Words are sort of hard right now,” he grins. “My brain’s all mush.”

I laugh, “Not much different to its usual state!”

“I knew you were going to say that!” he tries to reach for me but I skip off the bed with a laugh. “Come back.”

“I have to pee,” I slip on pants and can’t stop grinning the whole time I’m away. When I come back in, the blissful smile on his face tells me everything I need to know. I climb over him but he stops me in place, a knee on either side of his hips.

“I’m happiest when I’m with you Y/N,” he says, his voice roughened with emotion. “I think I always was. Younger Harry liked to self-sabotage.”

I bend down and my hair slips around us. The way he looks at me makes my insides mush. And even though I have proof of why I shouldn’t trust him, he’s here. In my bed. Miles away from where he would be if he hadn’t traveled all this way to see me. And that means something.

“I’m glad you’ve done some growing,” I say to him quietly.

“I had to,” he says softly. “I couldn’t have you like I do now if I hadn’t.”

“I guess we’ve both grown,” I brush a curl from his forehead.

“I know, old Y/N would have punched me if I showed up unexpectedly.”

“Rightly so,” I grin. He smiles back, brushing my hair behind my ear, back over my shoulder. He props himself on his elbow to kiss the shoulder he’d bared. It’s simple, and sweet, but it’s enough to unravel me all over again. And he knows it.

“When does Regan get home?”

“We might have another half hour,” I grin.

“Let’s not waste it,” he mumbles into my skin.

I agree.

[disasterfandoms]

This is Your Home Now ~ The Ryders x teen!reader imagine

@atjafshelby​ requested: “Okay so I was thinking maybe a teenage reader who was like Judd as a child, gets in trouble and needs help and stuff. But maybe she lives on her own so Grace and Judd take her in and try to help her? No rush though, thank you!!❤️”

A/N: I appreciate you sending me a complex ask. I’ll be honest, I had no idea how i was going to write this one when I first saw it. I tweaked it a tiny bit, and instead of being on their own the reader is in a group home. This may be part 1 if anyone is interested in part 2?

TW: foster care, mentions of violence, mentions of therapy.

Your POV:

Sitting in the principal’s office, you began to take in the various lame quotes around the room. “You miss 100% of the chances you don’t take” sure, whatever.

“You have to look through the rain to see the rainbow” this has to be the worst one of all. What rainbow? and why go through hell to be able to see a prism of light in the sky?

The door shuts loudly, pulling you from your thoughts. You roll your eyes when you see your social worker walking in with the principal.

“So, Y/N, you’ve been getting into more fights recently, including earlier today when you struck another student in the face for saying something about your family,” your principal read from the file, then looked up at you, “Anything you’d like to say for yourself?”

”yeah, they deserved it,” you scoffed, rolling your eyes at him again. Everyone here should know by now the topic of your parents is off limits, especially what he said about them. 

“Just because someone says something you don’t like doesn’t mean you can assault them.” Your social worker scolded, probably hating her life for having to deal with you. 

They went on lecturing you for another 20 minutes, but at that point you zoned out, focusing on the view out the window behind your principal. It was sunny outside, the trees on the outskirts of school grounds blowing slightly with the wind. You could see people walking out there, and instantly wanted to be anywhere but here, supposedly listening to how you’re a screw-up and if you “don’t get your act together” you’ll “never have a future.”

“Y/n, what do you think about the compromise?”

You snapped your head to the principal, trying to figure out what all you missed in the last few minutes so you could figure out to answer appropriately. You studied his face, before deciding agreeing would be the quickest road. How wrong you were, you wouldn’t have the faintest idea until an hour later.

“Sounds good to me, as long as I can go back to class. Ms. Neal is teaching about the wage gap and I want to see conservative boys lose their ever-loving mind.” you smiled, hoping they buy it for now. They both nod their heads, then you stand up to leave. 

“I’ll see you after school, Y/N,” your social worker spoke confidently, seemingly proud of herself for her part in the supposed compromise. With that, you left the two adults to work out the details amongst themselves.

Going to Ms. Neal’s class quickly, you started to wonder what you agreed to. It had to be something significant if you weren’t getting in trouble for giving the star of the baseball team a black eye, which he deserved, by the way. 

Class went by as a blur, your attention focusing in and out on class, except when it came time to debate your stance on the issue of the class. You loved to argue, especially with privileged, snotty teens who don’t know how well they had it. You were good at it too, you could be a lawyer if you had any shot of a successful life.

Sooner than you’d like, class was over, and you started to get up and leave. You were too occupied with making sure you had everything that you didn’t realize you were making a beeline into your social worker.

“Oh, I’m so sorry!”

“Hey, watch it!” You both say simultaneously, backing up and looking at who ran into you.

“Oh, there you are Y/N! Come on, I’m driving you back to the home to pack up your things” She signaled with her hand to come with her, and you obliged, confused.

“Pack my things? Why?” You asked while walking to your car. You know you’ve been in trouble recently, but being kicked out of the group home seemed a little extreme.

“Did you listen to the compromise at all when were talking about it? Before you agreed to it?” She asked, already knowing the answer.

“Not really, just figured agreeing would get me in the least trouble,” you replied, and you could see her smile a little as she shook her head at you.

“This last fight isn’t going on your permanent record, as long as you get anger management classes, and move out of the group home and into a foster situation with two loving people who know how to handle situations like yours,” 

“Crap, I really should listen more.” You sighed and leaned your head on the window. You didn’t see how moving you out of the group home would help at all, it’s more change and more adjustment, and you were tired of both.

“Want to know about the couple?” You social worker asked you, but you barely heard her. You shook your head and put a headphone in, hoping this wasn’t a mistake.

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Judd’s POV:

“Are we sure about this, Gracie?” Judd asks, pacing between the living room and the kitchen, pausing every now and then to look at his wife. He stopped, turned to her, and rubbed his face before putting both hands behind his head, cradling it as he thinks about everything that could go wrong with this.

He knew they both wanted kids, and adoption seemed to be their only hope due to ther infertility troubles. But still, he argued to himself, a teenager? With this kid’s anger management issues, stubbornness, and troubled past, this isn’t what he necessarily had in mind.

“Yes, Judd, we’re sure. This kid needs our help, and a stable home to thrive. I understand you’re nervous, I am too, but we’ve been doing our research and interviewing with child protective services for months, and now they’re gracing us with a child that needs us.” Grace had walked over to him at this point, and taken his hands into hers. He looked into those beautiful, rust colored eyes of hers and took a deep breath. He knew she was right, she usually is, but he was still nervous.

He wrapped his arms around her, leaned down to kiss her on the cheek. “I love you,” he whispered. She looked up at him, grabbed the nape of his neck, and kissed him lovingly. After a few seconds, she broke away, and whispered, “I love you too, handsome.”

Before anything could further along, the doorbell rang. The two looked at each other, took a deep breath, and walked to the door. Grace opened the door, and they both saw the social worker, Malia, with a teenager that looked less than happy to be on their doorstep.

Judd quickly scanned the teen, noticing the frown on their face and the bruised knuckles they were sporting on their right hand. They had a suitcase in the other hand, and looked short in stature. Everyone looks short to Judd, though. 

“Hi Malia, Y/N, please come in.” Grace states, welcoming their guest and their now-forster child into their home. Once the social worker guided Y/N in, the pair sat on the couch while Judd and Grace sat on the other, clasping their hands together and looking at the child who’ll be staying with them, being nurtured by them, for next couple years.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Your POV:

The house is nice, you thought to yourself as you sit on the couch, waiting for someone to speak to you. You look at them, whose names you aren’t aware of yet, and study their features. The man was tall, and you can tell he’s been working for a while due to his build and the scratches and burns on his hands. The woman is much smaller, and seems softer, but you can tell they love each other just by the way they can’t keep their hands off each other.

“Judd, Grace, this is Y/N. Now, I know the department have given you their file, but do you have any questions about their history, or anything I can answer?” Malia asked, putting her hands in her lap. At least you know their names now, you thought to yourself.

“I don’t think so, ma’am. You’re welcome to stay for supper, though. Y?N, is there any allergies or diet restrictions we need to know about?” The woman, Grace, you remind yourself, asks. She smiles at you as she asks, and she has a pretty smile. You start to wonder why they wanted to take in someone like you.

“No ma’am, thank you for asking though. Can one of y’all show me to my room, though? I’d like to unpack and start on homework before supper.” You try to be polite, not knowing who they are once the social worker. Better to be safe than sorry, right?

“Of course, I’ll show you up there, and let you get settled.” Judd offers, standing up to guide you to where you’ll sleep.

You go up the stairs, and are impressed by what you see. This is better than the group home, at the very least. You head down the corridor he’s taking you through, and walk into a moderately sized room that had a full-sized bed, two nightstands, a dresser, closet, desk with a chair, and a door to what you assume is a bathroom.

“Take all the time you need to settle in. This weekend we’ll all go shopping and you can buy decorations for your room. Once supper is ready, we’ll call you downstairs to eat, get to know each other better. Alright?” He asked, looking as if he expected you to answer. You quickly nodded, and got to putting away your things and taking in the space. Maybe you actually belong here.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Once supper was ready, you were called down, you stumbled down the kitchen, washed your hands, and then took a seat at the table. Malia had left, hopefully to bother another kid and leave you alone, and you sat there quietly, eating the dinner they prepared.

“So, Y/N, is there any hobbies you enjoy? Anything we can look into getting you, like an easel or a video game?” Grace asks, making conversation.

“Why do you care? It’s not like I’m your kid,” You rolled your eyes, then looked down and played with your food. You wouldn’t let yourself get attached to the idea of having people truly care about you, especially not now.

“Hey, you-” Judd started to raise his voice, but Grace cut him off with holding her index finger up to him, then spoke.

“Y/N, I know this is all too new for you still. You don’t know us, you do not know our intentions, and you’re past makes it especially hard for you to believe anyone would love you and care for you. But, and I mean this, this is your home now, Y/N, and we will not abandon you, no matter the obstacles ahead,” she paused, and looked to her husband. Judd nodded, and took a deep breath.

“Y/N, I was just like you when I was your age. I was going through somethin’, and it left me violent and not knowing who to trust. We want you here so we can help you through the hurt you’ve been through, and make you into the young adult we can already see inside you. We have two rules, don’t disrespect us, and be honest with us. Got it?”

“Got it,” you spoke quietly. The rest of the dinner was quiet, and afterwards you went upstairs to your room, lying on the bed, thinking about how this is going to be good for you. Maybe, just maybe, everything will be okay.

[dukeofonions]

The Problem With Asides

Before I get into anything I want to clarify that this is not going to be a criticism of the two Asides episodes we’ve gotten so far. This is a critique of the concept of Sanders Asides as a separate series from the original Sanders Sides. A second note I want to make is that this is, just as all my other posts are, a personal opinion. This is not meant to be an attack on anyone, just a general criticism from a confused writer and viewer of the show. 

And final disclaimer: A lot of what I’m going to say is based on information that I no longer have available. It’ll mostly be me recalling things I heard and if I at any point get something wrong please feel free to let me know. 

That being said, let’s get into this, shall we? 

(Fair warning this post is very long hence why I’ve divided it into parts so feel free to read then come back as you wish)

Part One: The Concept of Asides

Some time ago last year, I believe shortly after Dealing With Intrusive Thoughts came out, was when the idea for Sanders Asides was first announced. The basic concept of it being shorter, more lighthearted videos focusing on the Sides outside of the main storyline. This format would allow them to give us more Sides content in between the long waits for the main series since those episodes were beginning to take more time to produce. 

Of course, everyone was eager for more Sides, so the majority of people were excited. Not only that but due to the main series tackling heavier themes, the episodes were becoming more angsty with less time for the characters to just relax and goof off with each other. The idea of having episodes reminiscent of the low stakes, sillier, happier content of season one was a welcome break from the more complex episodes and would be a nice return to form for the series. 

We were also informed that these episodes would be much simpler than their main series counterparts and wouldn’t disrupt the work being done on Sanders Sides, which meant we didn’t have to worry about long gaps between the main story episodes, right? 

(Another disclaimer: I am perfectly aware of the main reason why we were not given as much content last year and am not blaming Thomas or the team for doing what was necessary to keep themselves safe and hope they continue to do so as this continues into the new year)

Jump to November 22, 2019, where we got our first official episode of Sanders Asides, roughly five months after DWIT came out. Which, for this fandom, was record time to get more content and I was pleasantly surprised by how quickly they were able to get this out. Though at the same time, I wondered why it took five months to make what was meant to be a short, simple episode. 

So imagine my surprise when I went to watch the episode and saw it was nearly 20 minutes long. Which, okay, isn’t that bad when you compare it to the lengths of the more recent Sanders Sides episodes. But at the time, I was under the impression that the Asides would be, well, much shorter. The longest I expected would be maybe 15 minutes, but you know what? It’s the first episode and it has been a while since we’ve had Sides content, so maybe they wanted to give us a little extra due to the long wait. 

I started the episode and at first, I was overjoyed when I saw the first shot of all the Sides sitting in the living room in their onesies about to have a movie night. This was exactly what I’d been hoping to see from this series! It’s pretty much a staple thing in the fandom for the Sides to have movie nights together, and now it was happening in canon! 

At the moment, I had high hopes for this series and was filled with joy. 

Then that hope and joy were immediately crushed when I realized this was yet just another Virgil-centric angst episode. In fact, this entire episode was, well, exactly like a regular Sanders Sides episode. Sure, there were some jokes here and there, but the tone of the episode was no lighter than the last Sanders Sides episode. If anything DWIT felt lighter in comparison to this one. 

Which leads me to ask, what the heck happened? 

Part Two: Literally the Same Show

At this point in time, we’ve only had two episodes of Asides. Usually, I try to hold off my judgment of a series until I’ve had at least one other episode to see if my original criticisms still stand. 

To be fair, I did think Flirting With Social Anxiety was a step in the right direction. More comedy, a lighter tone, yes. Perfect. But again, just like with Are There Healthy Distractions? This episode quickly dove right back into the angst pool, and just like ATHD it was a pretty long episode, clocking in at almost 25 minutes. 

Not only that but again, both FWSA and ATHD don’t feel any different from the episodes we’ve been getting in Sanders Sides. 

1. They’re just as angsty.

2. Roughly the same length as Sanders Sides episodes.

3. Take about just as long to produce.

4. Contain a lesson to be learned. 

Which, okay, you can have lessons in lighter shows too, but we’re already getting that in Sanders Sides and Sanders Asides was described as, well, being less plot heavy. Yet so far both episodes are still tied in with the main plot. 

ATHD deals with the aftermath of DWIT, not directly but it’s pretty obvious that the whole thing with Virgil’s reveal at the end of that episode is being addressed in the background. Which, kind of takes away the impact of that ending, but I’ll get to that later. 

Then FWSA takes place after Putting Others First and again, is dealing with things from that episode in the background. Again though, this isn’t necessarily a bad thing. It makes sense to see the characters dealing with things from past events.

So why is it a problem here? Because, again, Sanders Asides is meant to be a separate series, and all the subtext brought on from the episodes in Sanders Sides makes the plots in these two episodes confusing. 

For example, I was perplexed during my first watch of FWSA because I couldn’t understand why the focus of the conflict was lying. I didn’t understand why Virgil and Roman came to the conclusion that Thomas’ reason for being unable to approach Nico was because he was lying to himself, when both the title of the episode and what we were shown points more to, well, social anxiety being the problem. 

(Quick note: One could argue that this was done purposefully to have Virgil putting the blame on Janus since he doesn’t like him and wouldn’t want to admit that he was the one responsible, but this series has had a bad habit of favoring Virgil in the past so until we get more answers I’m gonna leave this on the backburner) 

It didn’t help that I had no idea when this episode was meant to take place in the timeline, and I originally thought it could take place a bit after season two since Roman and Virgil seemed to be doing better, but more on them later.

All of this bugged me until I found out that FWSA takes place after POF, and after watching the live stream that followed and getting some more context, the lying thing made a bit more sense, but the fact that I was as confused as I was just caused more frustration to build up. And I wasn’t the only one who got thrown off by the “Lying is wrong” message of FWSA so I had to ask again, why was this episode a Sanders Asides when apparently, you need information from the last Sanders Sides episode in order to understand it?

So you’re telling me, that the second episode in what is supposed to be a separate series that isn’t meant to be a part of the main plot, is now integral to the plot of the main story you’re telling in what is, as you have said, a separate show? How does that make any sense? 

Okay, one could argue that Thomas getting a love interest doesn’t really fit with the current storyline that’s going on in Sanders Sides, and that is a fair point. The problem with that is, FWSA takes place right after Putting Others First. 

You all remember what happened at the end of that episode, right?

Part Three: Intrusive Plots

At this point we’ve all become rather accustomed to the long waits in between videos, it’s nothing new to us, and for the most part they haven’t done anything to harm the current plot of Sanders Sides. Sure, the length of time between videos can cause people to lose interest, but for the most part the tone of the last three episodes of Sanders Sides hasn’t differed much and the story flow is still going along smoothly. 

Let’s start with Selfishness vs Selflessness, which is the episode that sets up the big climax for season two. It’s still got its jokes and funny moments, but the overall tone is far more serious than previous episodes have been. This carries on into DWIT where Thomas has been so stressed out lately that he’s begun to have trouble with his intrusive thoughts. 

Virgil even gives a pretty good summary of Thomas’ current mental state: “He recently realized he’s a bigger liar than he thought he was, he doesn’t understand himself, he’s committed to skipping a big callback, and he’s sleep-deprived. So yeah, he feels like a piece of dirt who has no control over his life.”

And all that was a direct result of the ending of SVS, despite DWIT not being the direct follow up to that episode the two are still intertwined. Remember that for later.

DWIT ends with the long awaited reveal of Virgil having been a “Dark Side.” Even though the majority of the fandom had figured it out by as early as Can Lying Be Good? That didn’t take away from the emotional gut punch that this scene was and it’s one of my favorite moments from the series. I may have to make a whole post breaking that scene down but what matters is that this scene was a turning point for Virgil’s character.

We’ve seen him trying to hide the truth from Thomas ever since Janus and Remus started popping up, and there were close calls with both of them nearly revealing it themselves and continuously dropping hints to Thomas. Only for Virgil to admit it to Thomas himself, and leave before Thomas can even say a word. 

We don’t know for sure how Thomas is feeling in this moment, but it’s clear he’s been shaken by this. He doesn’t really have a lot of time to process it before he remembers to acknowledge the audience and close out the video. 

This comes up again once we finally get to the monster of an episode that is POF, the follow up to SVS that everyone had been waiting over a year for. Right away we see that Patton and Roman will be at the forefront of this discussion with Logan popping up every now and then, but who doesn’t show up in this episode despite having played a role in SVS? 

Virgil. 

He’s nowhere to be seen and his absence is definitely felt. Why wouldn’t he be part of this discussion? He was there in SVS and had a lot to say on the matter, he was even part of the decision to choose the wedding over the callback! So why wasn’t he there? 

Well, just look at the ending of DWIT and there’s your answer. Of course he isn’t about to show his face after that. Not when Thomas is already under so much stress already and he isn’t sure how Thomas will react to seeing him-

*insert random voice whispering off to the side*

 Wait, Virgil has seen Thomas since DWIT? When? 

*whispers continue*

Oh, right, they interacted in Sanders Asides. How did that go again? 

*whispers explain*

Huh? Thomas said he’s cool with Virgil despite revealing that he’s been hiding something from him this whole time? That “something” being the fact that Virgil was once considered part of the others that were currently making Thomas’ life miserable?

*whispers confirm*

Really? They’re both okay with each other now? Well, good for them. 

So wait, then why didn’t Virgil show up in POF? He was there during the first discussion and honestly he’d have more of a reason to show up than Logan who wasn’t really present at all in SVS. 

*whispers explain* 

He just wasn’t need there? Hm, alright. Guess that makes sense… 

Well okay, Virgil and Thomas are on good terms once POF rolls around, Virgil isn’t present during the conversation because he isn’t needed and I suppose his presence would make things worse. Especially once Janus revealed himself, he wouldn’t allow him to get a word in. Even though Janus could probably silence him but I digress. 

Fast forward towards the ending of POF, remember when I said to remember how SVS and DWIT were connected? Well DWIT is just as important to POF, acting as a bit of bridge between to the two episodes. 

Janus brings up Remus (both directly and indirectly) twice in this episode.

First here:

 Notice how Roman’s breakdown is already being foreshadowed here, the camera focusing on him while “Logan” says this isn’t an accident. 

The second time Remus is brought up is at the very end after Janus has revealed his name:

“Oh, Roman thank God you don’t have a mustache. Otherwise between you and Remus, I wouldn’t know who the evil twin is.” 

(No I am not posting screenshots of this scene I already got emotional over the last one)

As we saw at the end of DWIT, Roman does not have a good relationship with is brother. So much so that when Thomas refers to Remus as such, Roman creates a different analogy that compares Remus to a mirror, reflecting everything Roman doesn’t want to be. 

Roman desperately wants to distance himself from Remus, not wanting anything to do with him. We’ve only gotten a glimpse of just how far this loathing goes, and part of that comes from Roman finally breaking down after being told by Janus that if it wasn’t for a mustache there’d be no difference between him and Remus.

This shook Roman more than anything else in the show has so far, moreso than him being the one to decide that Thomas should give up the callback. He was the one that pushed Thomas to make that decision, believing it was the noble thing to do, only for it to only make Thomas feel worse and then be told by Janus that his “noble sacrifice” was all for nothing. 

Janus, the one who had been supporting Roman throughout SVS, buttering him up and encouraging him to go after his dream, told him that his sacrifice was worthless. Then to top it all off Janus admits what he did and brushes it off as a joke. He doesn’t apologize to Roman, leaving him in the dust, then when Roman responds by laughing at his name he’s shot down even lower. 

And when he looks to Thomas and Patton for help, for answers, anything.

They stay silent.

Patton tries to reassure him, telling Roman that they love him, but he doesn’t believe it. He sinks out, and that’s the last we see of him.

Selfishness vs Selflessness, Dealing With Intrusive Thoughts, and Putting Others First are three of the biggest (and dare I say most important) episodes in the series. The three almost act like a trilogy, with POF leading to something bigger, the season finale. Which will be culmination of all three of these episodes. 

We’ll be seeing Virgil’s reaction to Janus having been accepted by Patton and facing his own past as a “Dark Side.” Then we’ll find out what has become of Roman after he disappeared at the end of POF, and how it now affects his relationship with Thomas.

*whispers return and begin to whisper*

I’m sorry what?

*whispers repeat*

Virgil already knows about Janus getting somewhat accepted? Well okay I guess he would, wish we could have seen his reaction to that but oh well, no big deal. At least we got the Roman and Thomas confrontation to look forward to. 

*whispers whisper*

Roman has already interacted with Thomas since POF? When?!

*whisper* 

In FWSA? Oh yeah, how did that go again? It was super awkward right? Since Roman doesn’t really trust that Thomas loves or values him?

*whisperly whisper*

They get along just fine as if nothing happened? 

*whispersty*

It looks like he might still be upset with him since he’s being a bit passive aggressive? 

*whisper* 

Can’t really tell because the three are too busy trying to talk to a cute guy at the mall? 

Okay, I guess that all makes sense… 

Looks like Roman and Virgil still aren’t on the best terms with Thomas but are able to push that aside to help him talk to this handsome stranger, and hey, it worked! Thomas now has a boyfriend! Just look at Roman and Virgil at the end, they’re both so happy with Thomas! 

Looks like now they can focus on this new chapter in their life and leave the events of POF behind them. I mean, now that Roman and Virgil seem pretty cool with Thomas it would just feel weird to suddenly have them angry with him again, wouldn’t it?

Part Four: The Problem

Sanders Asides was originally described as being a series separate from the main storyline of Sanders Sides. Promising us shorter, less complicated episodes to give us a little something in between the longer, heavier episodes in Sanders Sides. This was a great idea that ended up falling apart the moment it began. 

When I was going through SVS, DWIT, and POF I mentioned that the three of them felt like a trilogy. All three of them link together to tell one bigger story, and on their own they get the job done. They set up the season finale perfectly to the point where you have an idea of what to expect and what to look forward to. 

The main things being the aftermath of Virgil’s reveal and Roman’s breakdown, which would most likely cultivate in them teaming up against Janus. This would also involve Virgil coming to terms with his past and Roman having to face Remus. 

Of course, none of this has been officially confirmed, but given everything we’ve seen up to this point it just makes sense. 

The story for season two is nearly complete, all we’re missing is the conclusion. 

Then Sanders Asides showed up and threw everything off course. What was supposed to be its own thing crept into a story that was already (for all we knew) set up and being put into place. 

We were told that the Asides wouldn’t do anything to disrupt the flow of Sanders Sides, yet it’s been confirmed that there will be one or two more episodes of Asides before we get the season finale. 

Why? Why are these episodes necessary when everything was set to move forward after POF? If these episodes are that important that they absolutely have to be made before the finale then why are they simply not part of the main series? 

You could say “Well they’re not directly tied to the main plot, that’s why.” But need I remind you that Asides as a concept was just intriduced after DWIT came out? These episodes were written specifcally for Asides, which unless I’m wrong means that they were just added into the main story with no planning whatsoever. 

FWSA honestly feels like it should have been the start of season three, something that should have waited to be introduced after season two wrapped up because it’s just too much. 

We already have so much to unpack from SVS, DWIT, and POF now we also have a new love interest on top of that? 

Virgil and Thomas’ resolution doesn’t even feel all that special because it wasn’t talked about directly between them. Thomas was indirectly letting Virgil know they were still okay, so what does that leave for us? All that build up about Virgil being a “Dark Side” only for it to be brushed over like it was nothing, and this happened in an Asides episode, not even in the main series. 

It also makes Virgil’s absence in POF confusing when they had already set up the perfect reason for him to be absent in DWIT, but according to the first episode of ATHD Virgil and Thomas are okay with each other. Sure, Virgil being there might have made things worse but at that point everyone was making things worse. 

We no longer have a confrontation between Thomas and Roman to look forward to because in FWSA we see them interacting as normal. Even the passive agressiveness isn’t anything new to Roman and really, it all just sounds super petty which he had been known to behave like that even when nothing is seriously wrong. Not only that Roman is overjoyed at the end, having finally gotten something he desperately wanted, the happy ending he deserved.

All that’s left for him is to fave his feelings towards Remus, but what would even happen there?

The problem with Asides isn’t the quality of the episodes, FWSA is actually one of my favorite episodes. The problem with Asides is that the team is taking what should have been something small and turning it into a far too elaborate for what its original purpose was: To give us more lighthearted content to enjoy in between the waits for the heavier episodes.

Instead it just feels like they’re adding onto something that really didn’t need adding on to, creating more work for themselves when it just isn’t necessary, and that worries me.

Final Thoughts

Honestly, it’s hard for me to make all these judgments when no one has any idea what the finale is going to be like. And usually, the team is able to excede my expectations and create something amazing. 

But with all these new Asides episodes that feel like they’re just being crammed in at the last second, it makes me wonder how the rest of the series will go if they continue down this road. 

Season two started September 1st, 2017, it is now January 3rd, 2021. Throughout season two the production of episodes became more elaborate, and there have been complications that arose from trying to make these videos as a result that sent production screeching to a halt. And on top of that, these Sanders Asides have been added to create even more work for Thomas and the team.

I don’t understand why they’d do this to themselves when it’s already become more difficult than ever to make videos in general, not just Sanders Sides. 

We were offered something simple that would have satisfied everyone during the difficult times, only to be given something that honestly, wasn’t even needed. I do appreciate Thomas trying to get us more content, but I don’t think he or the team realizes just how content we’d all be with just a five minute video of the characters we love just doing something as simple as hanging out and having fun, especially with how dark things have become all around us. 

We don’t always have to be watching these characters struggle, sometimes we just need to see them be genuinely happy.

(Thanks to everyone who took time to read this monster of a post, I did not mean for it to get this long but it’s been dwelling on my mind for a while and I wanted to make sure I got out everything I wanted to say. Again, this is all just a personal opinions and you are not obligated to agree with me. If you have an objecting opinion I would not mind hearing it but please keep any discussions civil.)

[twolonesomestars]

BJYX III

Japan Trip

This is a compilation post explaining the Japan trip and related theories (along with my own thoughts). Most of the theories in here are well-known. If you know the general gist of the Japan trip, you probably won’t see anything new.

Warning: This is all fake. Don’t take what I say to heart. These are just my random thoughts.

Extremely long post. Please beware.

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All my explanations and thoughts will be bracketed and italicized: [like this]. If you would like to just read about the theories, ignore the bracketed and italicized bits.

I suggest reading all of the theories first and creating your own opinion on the trip before reading my commentary, especially if you’re a new fan. (AKA ignore the bracketed & italicized parts for now).

[One last thing before I start (and a test for those who want to read the theories first… ignore this for now): I believe this Japan trip changed their relationship… In that, I believe they began their romantic relationship after this trip. A quick timeline mention: truthfully, their relationship before and during CQL filming isn’t too important for this theory. However, I do believe that there was some sort of confession from WYB at the end of filming, which may have played a role in XZ’s decision to take the trip to Japan. I’ll provide my reasoning later in the post. All my explanations and thoughts are going to be based on these particular assumptions; although, I will try to include rebuttals & explanations based on countering arguments.]

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OUTLINE

DATES

PRE-JAPAN TRIP

Character Bleed Changed Phone Number

MID-JAPAN TRIP

XZ’s 180911 Post + Story

POST-JAPAN TRIP

XZ’s 180913 Post & Story XZ’s 181119 Post WYB’s 181119 Post Time Gap WYB’s 190322 Post

FINAL THOUGHTS

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Let’s get into it!

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DATES:

180416 - 180823 Filming for CQL

180908 - 180912 XZ’s Japan trip

180913 - XZ posted his 521st Weibo post & 18th Weibo story

181005 - XZ’s Birthday

181119 @ 17:42 - XZ’s Japan trip post

181119 @ 18:47 - WYB’s response post

190322 - WYB’s Rome trip post

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PRE-JAPAN TRIP:

Character Bleed

XZ’s reasoning behind his Japan trip in this interview @ 9:31

XZ explicitly says, “I told myself I had to walk out of it.” His reasoning being, “[I had to] leave him there. [I had to] return him to the one he loves.”

You can unpack a lot from that. I got two main things from it:

(“I had to walk out of it”): you can assume that XZ took everything from WWX and made it his own, including, and specifically, WWX’s love for LWJ. Essentially, by the end of filming, XZ himself was in love with LWJ.

(“return him to the one he loves”): XZ separates himself very clearly from WWX. He points out his reasoning to walk it off is him wanting to return WWX to the one he loves… the implication is that he figured out he doesn’t love the one WWX loves.

[The reason I think there was some sort of confession at the end of filming that pushed XZ to take this trip and figure himself out is because he already knew he loved LWJ. I think he may have attributed any romantic feelings he felt towards WYB to the fact that he plays the character he loves. So, if WYB confessed to wanting to pursue a romantic relationship with him, it makes sense that XZ would hesitate. I doubt he’d want to lead WYB on just to later realize all of his feelings were for LWJ and not him. I’m sure XZ would’ve walked off WWX eventually, but I think he did it as quickly as he could to give a certain person (and himself) answers.

Obviously, I don’t know how XZ goes about with his acting, so these are all just random assumptions.]

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Changed Phone Number

I’ve gotten a few asks wanting me to clarify and give my opinion on the rumor about XZ changing his number and WYB asking around for it. I’ve heard two versions of this:

The first version has two variations:

XZ changed his number sometime after his DDU appearance in 2017 and before CQL began shooting, and WYB was asking the CQL crew for it.

XZ changed his number during CQL filming sometime, and WYB was asking the CQL crew for it.

The second version is that XZ changed his number before he left to Japan and WYB was asking around for it for months (who he was asking was undefined).

A related rumor I want to note: a fan who was at the airport when XZ was waiting for his flight to Japan supposedly saw him not answering his phone.

Let me clarify the relationship between WeChat & phone numbers:

In WeChat, every registered user gets a WeChat ID. There are three main ways people can add someone: (1) have the person’s WeChat ID (2) have the person’s phone number (3) have access to the person’s QR code. For (1) and (2), the other person must enable the option to be found via WeChat ID or phone number in order for you to find them. You can also choose to not show your phone number at all, so even if someone adds you via (1) or (3), they may still not have access to your number depending on your settings. To sum it up, you do NOT need to know another person’s phone number to message them on WeChat. Practically everyone in China uses WeChat as their main social messaging application… you can send messages (text & voice) and you can call (voice-only & video). People don’t use their actual given numbers to message or call too much (ex. iPhone messaging/ Facetime); phone numbers are typically used when making accounts on various social media apps, online payment, etc.

There’s a pretty well-backed up theory that WYB asked one of his DDU co-hosts (specifically DZW) if he could get XZ’s WeChat ID for him during/ after filming the episode with XNINE. If this theory is true, we can only be sure that he got XZ’s WeChat ID, not that he got his phone number.

If you do want to change your number or WeChat ID (prior to 2020, you could only change your WeChat ID once per account), you can simply go into the WeChat settings and update; this process won’t change your WeChat account and it won’t affect any of your contacts or chat history. If you want to stop receiving messages & calls from someone, you can either block or delete them from your contacts on the app.

I’m pointing all of this out because I’m pretty sure most of XZ’s & WYB’s communication takes place in WeChat. WYB has said in several interviews that he now prefers his phone and wifi access; he’s also said that he can’t go without WeChat now.

[I honestly don’t think this rumor is real. But, out of the two versions, I’d say the first version (either variation) makes more sense than the second version.

I have three reasons for thinking the second version is the most unlikely:

It’d be easier to block the other person for however long you need (and then unblock them or delete them depending on your choice later) rather than going through the hassle of changing your number. Remember when WYB’s phone number got leaked and he had to change it (August 2019)? He asked people to not use his number to log into accounts; he even mentioned that he would need to change all of them, which would be a large hassle. Sure, there could be circumstances where you’d want to change your phone number… but I don’t think this situation is that extreme, especially since it was supposedly at the airport before his trip and before he decided.

I don’t think XZ’s the type of person to leave someone hanging, no matter how much internal turmoil he may be dealing with, and especially not when that someone is close to him. I believe he’d at least inform others that he’ll be out of range and to not message or call him. Not to mention, if he told WYB to not contact him for the next couple of days, I’d like to believe WYB would respect that wish, whether he knew the reason or not. Since I do think that WYB confessed prior to the Japan trip, I believe he knew. But, even if he didn’t, he has integrity and self-respect. He’s going to respect others’ wishes, and even more so if he respects the other person… and he does respect XZ.

The theory specifically points out “months” … WYB literally celebrated XZ’s birthday with him about three weeks after this trip.

As for the first version:

Variation #1 implies that this happened at the start of filming/ bootcamp; it also implies that WYB got XZ’s number after he contacted him on WeChat. One assumption I have is: I don’t think celebrities/ people in the industry exchange phone numbers much, just their WeChat IDs. This is why I don’t think XZ & WYB exchanged numbers when they first met, only their WeChat IDs. As for WYB asking the crew for XZ’s number… if he already had XZ’s previous number, I kinda doubt he’d go around asking others when he could just ask XZ himself.

Variation #2 probably makes the most sense out of all three, and even then it’s a bit of a stretch. This variation implies that it’s a few months into filming, at which point XZ & WYB were extremely close. I doubt he’d be too nervous to ask XZ directly for his new number. The only rebuttal I could think of for this is that perhaps WYB asking around instead of asking XZ himself was him being coquettish.

In the end, this rumor doesn’t make too much sense to me. But take it as you will.]

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MID-JAPAN TRIP:

XZ’s 180911 Post + Story

We know that he kept deleting his Weibo posts before the number could reach *520. (*520 & 521 are both kadian for “I love you” even though 520 is more widely used.)

XZ posted his 520th post on 180911 (right in the middle of his trip). It was an ad for AHC. AHC is the first brand both WYB & XZ shared and spoke for; I believe WYB stopped his spokesperson duties on 180829 & XZ began his on 180907.

XZ posted his 17th story, also on 180911, of him on a ferry during the trip.

[I burst out laughing when I realized he posted an ad for his 520th post. He kept deleting posts to make sure he stayed away from #520; he could’ve easily deleted another post to make the ad his 519th. A lot of solo fans were looking forward to his 520th post being dedicated to them (exhibit 1), and then he did that. Sly as per usual. And the 17th story... leading up to the 18th. I think XZ pretty much knew/ made his choice/ accepted his feelings by this point, which is why he posted like this.]

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POST-JAPAN TRIP:

XZ’s 180913 Post & Story

XZ posted this video on Weibo on 180913. It was his *521th post & *18th story. (*52118 = “wo ai ni yi bo” A BXG posted about counting XZ’s posts to find these numbers.)

His caption was:

以为在拍照的找🤣... (夏天的风结束了，假期也结束了🌿🌿🎋)

which roughly translates to:

“I thought I was posing for a photo🤣... (The summer wind is over, the holiday is also over 🌿🌿🎋)”

There are several theories about the caption.

the emojis:

The bamboo emoji refers to WYB. In this behind the scenes footage, XZ compares WYB’s face to a bamboo stick.

the words:

XZ is referring to the season ending and the weather in the video where the wind is blowing across his face.

When XZ states that both the summer wind and his holiday are over, he is implying that he has left the character he became that summer (WWX) behind and moving forward.

XZ is referring to the song Summer Wind (夏天的风) by Liu Rui Qi (刘瑞琦). I’m not going to go too deep into this; the lyrics in question are:

夏天的风 我永远记得 清清楚楚地说你爱我 我看见你酷酷的笑容 也有腼腆的时候

roughly translates to

The summer wind, I will always remember [you] saying clearly that you love me. I saw your cool smile [yet] there are times when you are shy.

Interpretations are: (line 1) “summer wind” & “always remember” - XZ is reminiscing on the things that have happened that summer when CQL was filmed. (line 2) “saying clearly… you love me” - a confession from a certain someone… we know of one on camera: “zhan-ge didi ai ni.” (lines 3-4) “cool smile” & “shy” - these adjectives fit a person we know.

[I didn't find out about half of these caption theories until way later, and once I had already formed my opinion on this trip. A lot of it seems like a stretch, but all the theories make some sort of sense. Meh, there’s a lot you can do with a caption, so just take it all in.

Personally, I didn’t pay attention to the caption too much. I knew about the lyrics, but I purposely avoided them precisely because they were lyrics; you can do a lot with them. I finally explored it for this post, and I actually like it a lot; it’s very sweet. I’m still leaning towards the reference being unlikely; however, XZ is very sneaky, so I wouldn’t put it past him. I also knew about the bamboo reference, but I never gave it much thought. I didn’t think that one scene of them joking around was enough to say that he used the emoji to refer to WYB. Though, if it was actually a reference, there’s definitely more to it that we don’t know about. Ultimately, for this one, my decision was based on the basics: the kadian (and later reinforced by the whole AHC ad post).]

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XZ’s 181119 Post @ 17:42

A major theory for this post comes from his caption:

“一些存货... 现代人即将拥有姓名 [’silent giggling’ emoji]... ”

roughly translates to

“some stock [photos]... modern man will soon be named...”

The main focus here is the “modern man.”

Once the behind the scenes footage and interviews began releasing, BXG started noticing how WYB got whenever XZ mentioned LWJ. His facial expressions always changed… immediate frowns. BXG speculated that WYB was trying to show himself as separate from his character, but XZ didn’t take notice. The character LWJ is figuratively and literally from the past; the actor on the other hand is from modern society. Thus, XZ mentioning modern man was taken to be a reference to XZ’s love for the actor alone, not the character.

[To those who have sent asks about the “modern man” quote, I hope this clears it up. My interpretation of it is the same. At the end of the day, XZ most definitely separated the two.]

Another theory for this one is that the horizontal middle row pictures spell out “王一博” going from left to right.

王 (“wáng”)

The lines on the building look like the character

He could’ve meant “look towards,” which is what he’s doing in the picture. It is a different character (“望”), and has a slightly different pronunciation (“wàng”)

He could’ve meant “going in one direction,” referring to the arrow on the sign, which is a different character (“往”), and has a slightly different pronunciation (“wǎng”)

一 (yī)

The image looks like the character

博 (bó)

Another meaning for “博” is “extensive” or “rich” which you can take the design on the outside of the to be

The building is a museum, whose word (“博物馆”) begins with “博”

[For the spelling, my interpretations were all of the #1s. (I’ll explain a little bit more when we get to WYB’s 190322 post.)]

One last theory about this post: BXG then witnessed XZ editing his post in real time to change the position of the first two pictures. There’s a theory that he saw this post (below) from the previous day and changed the positions to match.

OP talking about the switch here and below.

[I was so enamored by this theory until I actually went looking for it. The post of WYB’s pictures is from a fan, and while I don’t doubt that they saw more of fans’ posts back then, this one wasn’t tagged or anything. It could easily have been XZ’s artist side popping up. But, maybe XZ was lurking on his private account. Even though it’s one of the more iffy ones, it’s such a cute theory that I actually don’t mind believing it.]

This is a side note and not part of the actual theory: On my search for all things related to this trip, I noticed one of WYB’s posts where he did a similar thing.

This was in June 2018, so before XZ’s post. Mayhaps inspiration.

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WYB’s 181119 Post @ 18:47

WYB posted exactly *1:05 hours after XZ posted. (*105 = 10/5, XZ’s birthday)

His caption was “冒个泡”

He was using internet slang; it can be vaguely translated to “I am here.” In context, he’s using the slang to refer to him not posting for a long time; he’s ‘showing his presence.’

Notable Things:

He posted the day prior on 181118; it wasn’t an ad, but it wasn’t exactly personal either.

He posted a picture of himself with his DDU brothers during a trip on 181104.

He had not posted a selfie since 181004. (Back then, he updated personal posts once or twice a week, whether it was a selfie or something about his life, such as what show he was watching. The month & a half time gap between personal posts would’ve been unusual.)

The caption & selfie work as a response to XZ’s “modern man will soon be named.”

Another thing fans were intrigued about was the time stamp on the photo, 180525.

WYB never really posts throwbacks, especially with selfies, yet he did one here to a date in the middle of CQL filming. He also usually never adds the date to his photos.

Isn’t it interesting that he captions the post with slang that tells people he’s back from a break, but uses an old photo instead of a new one? If someone’s announcing that they’re coming back from a break (especially a celebrity), wouldn’t it make more sense to post a recent photo rather than an old one (in this case, one from 6 months ago)? And, why even bother including the date in the first place?

[I can’t believe I barely noticed that WYB posted 1:05 hours after XZ. What in the world WYB? I’m losing my mind. It’s down to the damn minute, and their minutes weren’t a “0” or “5” multiple either. I usually try to pass off a lot of things regarding YiZhan (especially kadian) as coincidences, but what even is this? If it wasn’t intentional… What kind of connection do these two share?

Yes, I do think this was WYB’s response. The throwback picture was probably the most telling for me; him including the date he took the photo was like a flashing sign saying: ‘hey look at this date. it’s important.’ And when you add the caption into the mix, it’s taken to another level. I feel the combination of hints in and related to the post is too much and too telling to be coincidental.]

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Time Gap

There’s an interesting time gap between the two XZ’s posts (180913 & 181119). There are a few theories about what could’ve happened in those two months. Some of the ones I’ve seen and heard are:

XZ & WYB could’ve been taking that time to tell their parents and settle things with their agencies

XZ & WYB could’ve begun dating exclusively after XZ’s return

Both of these theories imply that everything got settled or made official around 181119.

[I never really thought about the time gap between the posts… mostly because I kept forgetting there even was one. They’re both ridiculously romantic so I don’t doubt that 181119 is something of importance to them. I think it’s especially proving that both of them did a throwback to the same seemingly important time period.]

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WYB’s 190322 Post

This post is pretty similar to XZ’s 181119 throwback post to the Japan trip. The theory for this one is that WYB spelled out “肖战” using the vertical middle row, going from top to bottom.

肖 - The tree looks like the top part of the “肖” character; the branches look like the bottom part of it.

战 - Since WYB placed an image of the entire Roman colosseum (where gladiator battles took place) in the last spot, he may have been alluding to how “战” means “battle” or “fight” (similar to how XZ may have been alluding to the meaning of “博” instead of getting a picture of the character).

WYB filmed the DDU episode on 3/22; I don’t believe there’s another significance to the date.

[WYB spelling out the “肖” using the first two pictures backs up my thinking that XZ spelled out the “王” and “一” characters in his first two pictures. This also leads me to think that both of them alluded to each other’s last character rather than spelling it out in their third pictures.]

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FINAL THOUGHTS:

[The reason I like this overall theory a lot is because I think the happenings really fit with the things they’ve told us in interviews and suit their personalities. It makes sense to me that XZ would want to take some time to think about it; it makes sense to me that WYB was probably the one who took the first step.

As for the theories about the details… some of them are really out there, but all of them are fun to consider. As usual, take everything with a grain of salt.]

Some of these posts & events have several theories (i.e. XZ’s summer wind caption); they aren’t mutually exclusive… more than one can be true at the same time.

I tried to be as neutral as I could when explaining these theories. I tried to include counters and other possibilities, but I’m sure some bias came out. Just take it all in and take it for what it is.

My intention with this post was to put everything into perspective and give a good timeline. (As well as get everything in one place.) If you’re interested in my thoughts, feel free to go back and read the italicized & bracketed parts (if you hadn’t already).

-

The following is something I want to say about these theories and the BXG community in general:

Every theory has inconsistencies and exaggerations… that’s what makes it a theory. As long as we discuss things knowing this fact, that’s all that matters. We’re here to have fun, not to prove what’s right or wrong.

I love seeing the various theories everyone in this community puts out, no matter how different or similar they are to the ones I like/ believe in. It’s fun to look into these things with different perspectives. Don’t feel burdened if you believe in a less popular theory. Besides, we will never know anything for sure.

Be kind. And, have a good time.

-

Once again, this is all fake. I do not personally know XZ & WYB, and I will never know anything about them; this includes the intricacies of whatever relationship they share. So, CPN.

[egyptian-sun-god]

Never Have I ever S2

SPOILERS.....Turn back now I’m serious.

I’m waiting....

Okay cool your fault at this point

I was fairly critical of NHIE S1, I won’t lie. And I’ll be real I still stand by the fact that NHIE S1 was fairly meh overall. 

But holy shit, they knocked this season outta the world man. The show really really found its proper footing this season. They were smart to keep the cheating for only two episodes and explore the repercussion for the other 8. 

1.Devi Vishwakumar.

Let’s start with the main character.  Devi still does immensely fucked up shit this season. Dating two boys and have them find out in the MOST humiliating way possible. Yikes. Being a really sucky friend to Aneesa and starting that rumour about her (inadvertently) and pretending to her. Stalking her mother and being possessive of her. The really awful apology that was pretty self centred, a bit not good. 

 But she really does do her best to improve and I am SO proud of that. She uses her father’s advice and apologizes better to Aneesa, she actually handled the Ben and Aneesa dating WAAAAY better than I’ve seen some people handle things like that. I might’ve blown a fuse if two of my friends had 4 tickle fights and had major PDA sessions when we were trying to do a group project. Like she handled that shit fairly well all things considered. Devi actually gets into the beginnings of delving into her trauma and her temporary paralysis and healing from it. I

 really see how the label ‘crazy’ weighs on her and how she blew up with it and the message of destigmatizing mental illness. (Crazy Aneesa and Crazy Devi)  Her properly bonding with her mother and watching videos of her father and remembering/honouring his memory hit REALLY HARD (since I lost many people in my family recently and that fear of forgetting them has been real). Devi is actually beginning to heal from the loss of her father by strengthening the relationship with her Amma. And the slap from Paati was so so needed, it really gave her a better respect of her mother and fixed the problem I had with Devi mouthing off so much to her Amma. I live to see good maamiyar marumagal relationships. Her relationship with Paxton is really good and it gets developed very logically and having her be scared of being pathetic but in the end she accepted her own self worth and stopped chasing after them which was good. 

Overall Devi really blossomed into her own developing person and I actually like her so much more this season. 

2. Paxton Hall Yoshida

I was honestly, like genuinely sad last season he was like 80% eye candy with not much else going for him. Paxton had so much faith as a character and Ms Kaling has really pulled him into such a better person this season. 

Paxton got hit by a car before swim season, lost his ticket to college and wow, got two timed by a girl he liked all in two episodes. If he was salty about that for more than one season I would’ve completely accepted it. Cause that’s a bad public humiliation. 

Paxton episode really really made me love him as a character (honestly more so than Ben) I think because I heard Paxton’s entire worry and irritation that he was being underestimated and no one really expected him to go to college from a friend of mine not more than a month ago. That shit is real, and it hurted my friends a lot that people were really underestimating them and just seeing them as a dumb athlete who has no hope of college. It’s really nice to see Paxton actually want to go to college and learn Japanese American side with his Oji-chan giving him advice and supporting him. And him bringing his grandfather to speak about the internment camps, that seriously do not get spoken about enough.

Also him putting effort and making a genuine effort to work hard and bring up his grades with Devi and therefore bonding with her was really nice to see. I wouldn’t mind them being endgame but Devi does really work a lot better as his pushy Indian mom/best friend/tutor.  And Devi getting mad at him for him expecting him to hold his hand throughout really hit well. Was it deserved yeah. But Devi also did blow him off after promising him to study so his anger is justified there. I’m just kinda vibing with Paxton like coming up and taking a better interest in school and being a full 3D character. And that one scene where he gives the extra credit presentation and Trent high fives the man. Classic. 

Can I also just say, it’s kinda valid that Paxton didn’t want to date her in public. Is it a dick move...yeah? But he’s within his rights to ask and she’s within her rights to deny. And he didn’t press her once she said no, he went along with it. And what Devi pulled on him is awful, and speaking as someone who’s seen popular kid cliques. Reputation really is important. Like what Devi did made Paxton lose face, if he gets back with Devi he ain’t gonna have any respect left in him. And Paxton was pretty right in deciding to not date her publicly, like even in the end he knows that his reputation is shot for what he did. Do we even know if Paxton has friends that aren’t fixated on his social status? Because becoming a social pariah without having any support of friends is gonna hurt like a bitch. Lord knows how Paxton gonna deal with it. I think Trent might be his only homie after the social downfall he will inevitably face. 

I’m just gonna say, Paxton is my favourite now and I’m really rooting for him. Something I decidedly did not do last season. I’m happy Ms Kaling developed him so much and got me interested. 

3. Ben Gross

Ah. Ben. Ben’s not my faaavouriteee.......like he’s fine. But I don’t love him. I can definitely see him and Devi becoming an almost endgame couple though. Especially with S2 ending. 

Ben is fine and he’s pretty developed, especially with his episode in S1 and it was good he took a backseat this season and let everyone else star. I feel like he’ll come back strong next season though. 

Personally do I ship him with Devi? No. I’ve been in a friendship with the similar competitive dynamic as Ben and Devi. And it was terrible. We loved to argue and we got each other’s super brainy side as Devi puts it. But we pushed each other faar too much and even the small things became arguments and each pthers achievements became jealousy. So yeah....I don’t have too much faith in the dynamic due to personal bias, but I’d love to see how it gets handled. 

Also my brother Ben, PDA is a thing and it is common courtesy to refrain from it. Man’s really going at it with Aneesa half the time. But also the moment where Aneesa sort of choked on the presentation and Ben’s irritation at it gave me BAAAD vibes. It feels like while Devi can match him, they might push each other too far, 

4. Kamala 

I LOVE KAMALA. Girl is an ENTIRE vibe. My sweetheart, love of my life. I could go on. I really like her development as well and the banter between her and Nalini. The part where Nalini practically said she looked like a call girl and she was like ippadi potathaan velaila mariyaatha kidaikum. I legit had to pause, scream in laughter for a good few seconds. 

They had such a good story with her and wanting to fight against the fact that they took her work and didn’t credit her and everyone was telling her to like take it bowing. Prasanth’s advice unfortunately checked out to me, because I’ve been told that all my life. My dad says it a lot and I know he doesn’t say it cause’ he doesn’t believe in me, but he loves me and wants my life to be easier and for me to succeed and his experience is that he’s had to deal with things like this and fighting won’t help. So yeah, what Prasanth said did not rub me the wrong way at all and I agreed with it and I’m fairly disappointed about that. I get that she got nervous and had cold feet about marriage but I do hope she and Prasanth can work this out through communication. Because I really don’t feel like Prasanth is the bad guy here. It’s just a miscommunication. 

So yeah, a LOT of Kamala’s storyline continues to really hit me hard. 

5. Nalini Vishwakumar

Nalini really had so much more screentime to blossom. I love that she has a good relationship with Mohan’s amma. It’s wonderful and I love it. Also I was shocked to see the house in Chennai. Like this house...in Chennai. The Chennai I’m used to and the Chennai they are used to are different Chennai’s. Basically wealth gap is crazy as hell and I was lowkey highkey confused if the actually shot this shit in Chennai. But props to the directors for putting some proper Tamil vibes in there. Like the scene where they kaala thottu kumbudurathu (touch the elder’s feet) before they leave for the US is so real and so vibes. I like that they decided to bring paati back. I was like hoping for it.

Also they really went at developing Nalini’s character as a workaholic mom who doesn’t get her daughter. That’s also a really common thing in Indian households with one working parent so I’m happy they portrayed that. I’m happy Nalini actually has a life outside her family portrayed and is still such a typical mother that it hits HARD. I love Nalini and she really developed as a character dealing with grief from Mohan’s death, the wish to move on with Dr.Jackson but knowing that she isn’t ready yet. 

They gave her character a life and proper working outside Devi and it really has shown to develop her character and impact her relationship with Devi. The advice to “just say yes” works with cousins and younger siblings as well, I’ve heard it before and used it..and it saves so much time. Especially with small children. 

(A memory I have is of my younger cousin going on and on about a princess and a castle and fighting a dragon and the witches and so much fantasy shit and ended with do you wanna come? I just clocked off my CCA’s and I had no energy left to question it so I just went yeah sure. Easiest decision, and 10/10 advice. )

6. Aneesa

I’m not gonna lie. I was skeptical of Aneesa and I didn’t like how Devi saw her in the trailer. But Aneesa reminds me so much of me....and its killing me. 

Also the scene where she charms the hell out of Nalini and paati ma has literally happened to me before. Most of my Indian friends hate it..because I was raised with a lot more traditional manners with my grandparents so me and my siblings all are old fashioned which parents LOVE. And I really saw that Aneesa charming them and Devi also realizing, Damn none of my friends actually treat my family the way they should be treated, perks of having an Indian friend. 

Also the scene where she gets Devi out of trouble is so so real. Because if you have one responsible friend that you parents trust, you could lie the hell to them, get you homie to back you up and it will work. Personal experience. So yeah, Aneesa character resonated with me a lot.

I also like that she wasn’t just a popular 1D Indian girl but she was genuinely cool and actually had proper issues and development where she gets more open to Sherman Oaks and actually kinda properly rebels against Noor, with having Ben as a boyfriend. 

I feel like Aneesa has a lot more potential for growth, especially with the relationship with Ms Noor and Aneesa acting as a foil to Nalini and Devi’s. Also, I feel like Aneesa can grow within her social status at school as well and have Devi maturely handle it. Aneesa I feel will really really challenge Devi’s ability to be mature. 

7. Eleanor and Fabiola’s plotlines

Okay like actually, major props to Ms Kaling man. This show touches so so many teen issues in one goddamn show. Emotionally manipulative relationships. So SO good. A lot of newer age relationships have a much more subtle and dangerous line of abuse that’s hard to find out. Like honestly it took me a while to see it as well and I realized oh fuck. oh fuck...I see it it’s bad. They really got the essence of Eleanor’s flamboyance matching with Malcom? (is it Malcolm..fuck it it’s Malcolm now) his “suaveness” and traditionally charming tendency. It made sense and it’s very realistic how Eleanor got played like a damn fiddle. I also again feel that the make up was faar to quick but I really appreciate that Eleanor got her own storyline with her step-mom and understanding of relationships instead of the show hyperfocusing on just Devi. I respect that a lot.  Petition to get a Eleanor narration episode. 

Fabiola’s storyline also was well taken. It’s an interesting added layer to the queer experience and how queerness can be expected to be performative and but really its all about being more of yourself. The idea that queer people don’t owe nobody anything or have to perform an ideal version of queerness and Fabiola struggling with that kinda hit. The part where they talked about her mother learning to support them and being Cricket? Queen/King. Like being trailblazers for the POC community and the LGBTQ+ community having overlapping struggles. Again, I liked that Fabiola was getting more personal screentime and less of her story revolving around Devi’s. 

8. Everything else

I liked that there was more Tamil being casually thrown around. Like the Kamala vaadi to hold the suitcase down as they zipped it together was funny and relatable. The accents were really interesting because I promise you, I had no clue what they were saying sometimes. Nalini’s dialogues in Tamil were like immensely difficult to understand, and my Tamil is fluent. This isn’t a criticism... I’m fairly certain the difference is to do with the regional difference. American Tamil and Malaysian + rural Tamil slang are going to have huge accent differences so there’s no surprise that I found Nalini’s Tamil hard to understand. 

I’m really really really meh about the Kamala and Manish/Mr Kulkarni thing. I still think she should sort it out with Prasanth maybe but I’m open to seeing where it goes. I might change my mind with it. 

This show like any other show had its highs and lows. But I really really do feel that NHIE season 2 managed to truly figure out what the hell it wants to do and developed into a very strong and very entertaining show in terms of representation and diversity. I’m looking forward to season 3. 

[catherdrashepard]

Darrow is Not Going to Die at the End of the Series Part 2

There are probably going to be at least one or two more parts depending on how much I can stop myself from blathering on. Anyway, spoilers ahead for the following: Dark Age, Hunger Games, Castlevania, Trollhunters: Rise of the Titans, Avengers Endgame, The Hobbit, Voltron, FMA, HttYD, Death Note, Madoka Magica, Merlin, Kipo and the Age of Wonderbeasts, HunterxHunter, Dragon Prince, He-Man (the new one), Yu Yu Hakusho, Persona 3. Mass Effect, The Hollow, Camp Cretaceous, and whatever else I can think of.

I last left off on talking about how my thoughts implied that Darrow could die at the end as long all the loose ends are tied. But, I don’t think that that’s really something that can actually happen. A lot of this is speculation on my part and really relies on what happens during the 6th book.

The first thing that came to mind was Mass Effect. The ending of Mass Effect 3 was...not very well received. I’m not going to say that I’m particularly happy with it either but I also think it fits the narrative. However, one thing to note, video games are different than books and the story that Shepard goes through is reliant on the player. Also, stories in games are going to be shorter than stories in books (for the most part, there are definitely exceptions) due to player involvement.

I’m going to start with Shepard’s first death, at the beginning of Mass Effect 2. Of course, being the second game, their death couldn’t be permanent unless BioWare switched protagonists mid trilogy. There are a few reasons, in my opinion, that Shepard was killed during the opening credits of the second game.

First of all, the combat changed between games (a lot between the first and second and only slightly between second and third), and I think Shepard’s two year absence gave a reason for a tutorial on the new combat system. They were dead and had to learn how to use new technology. This is also done between the second and third games, with a 6 month gap, but the combat only changed slightly. Secondly, having the main protagonist die really highlights the threat that the player is dealing with in the second game but, Shepard’s return also shows that they still have unfinished business and that their story isn’t over. Thirdly, I think the absence gives time for the secondary characters time to develop on their own. This is shown more with the characters who appeared in the first game but also it gives an idea of just how much of an impact Shepard had. I feel like this is a parallel to the time Darrow spent in the table between GS and MS.

Now to move on to Shepard’s more permanent death...although if you complete the game entirely (at least in the legendary edition; thank goodness I hated the battle readiness thing) there is a dubious ending where Shepard may or may not have lived. But in any case, Shepard is considered dead and their story is over. Whatever my feelings about this may be, this type of ending didn’t come out of nowhere. The main threat, the Reapers, have been dealt with in a permanent manner, or at least it’s heavily implied that they won’t be coming back. However, just because the Reapers are gone doesn’t mean there aren’t still things to be done. Specifically, recovery. Shepard very well could have been involved in this but it’s not necessary. Their story is over, they have dealt with the threat and it’s not coming back.

Darrow, on the other hand, has not finished his mission. Even if he does by the end of the next book, however, it’s a very different circumstance from Shepard. The threat in Mass Effect was a very large and tangible thing, whereas the problem Darrow faces is an ideology and the people who hold those views. Something like that doesn’t end with a large space weapon pointed directly at the threat; it permeates everything. So even if Darrow defeats Atalantia, Lysander, and whoever else, there’s most likely going to be more people who shared belief that Golds are best. Also, we saw how the Vox Populi felt about the things Darrow was doing. Darrow is essentially reconstructing an entire system of government and, no matter how correct Darrow is, there will always be people who disagree with him.

Assuming Darrow defeats the remnants of the Society, stops the Ascomanni, deals with Quicksilver and whatever he’s doing, takes care of Atlas, handles Apple, what’s left? Much like with the end of Mass Effect, what’s left is recovery. The difference between these two, however, is that while Shepard was not necessarily needed for the rebuilding, Darrow would be.

Now, both Shepard and Darrow spearheaded their respective causes, but (and this relies heavily on how the sixth RR book goes) defeating the Reapers was a group effort, utilising every species and as many resources as they can spare. No doubt the rebuilding of the entire galaxy will require the same. Not that Darrow’s goal hasn’t been similar in that regards, with the help of so many different Colors being necessary. It’s just....Darrow’s circle feels a lot smaller than Shepard’s.

I mean, obviously being the face of a war is going to get you a lot supporters and people to work with, but the most important players are Darrow’s close friends and family. I’m sure part of this is the fact that the books are first person with specific POVs. Mass Effect does focus on Shepard’s story, but it’s in third person and you get a lot of different information through sidequests and talking to other characters. I mean, there’s a whole codex in Mass Effect with a lot of information and there isn’t one for RR (PB should make one tho). Our knowledge of the universe and its history is more limited in RR than Mass Effect, but I think that’s mostly because the lore in Mass Effect has more of a direct impact on how the story goes.

But back to the original point, it’s explicitly shown in Mass Effect that it requires everyone to stop the Reapers. And even though we see Darrow’s army, the main players, the ones who are taking care of the big things, are still Darrow’s inner circle. As an example, Mass Effect would be more like a pyramid (ironic) where Shepard is at the top. Even if it crumbles away (they die), the pyramid will still stand. For RR, it feels more like a chain. If one of the links (Darrow) breaks, then the chain is also broken. You could re-attach the pieces but it wouldn’t be as strong as it once was.

One last thing I wanted to bring up (which I will bring up again in part 4, yes I said part 4), is technology. Both Mass Effect and RR take place in the future and therefore have better technology than we do. There is something very important about this technology though that makes it more likely for Darrow to live. The Reapers are a race of sentient squid machines hellbent on the genocide of every other sentient species in the galaxy. But they are the ONLY things with access to that kind of technology. Even when they share it with Saren or the Collectors, it’s not something others can replicate. And once they’re destroyed (control ending notwithstanding) at the end of the third game, that’s it. They could still have people who are indoctrinated (although I think that stops when the Reapers were destroyed?) or people who are just stupid and think they were right, but...those people aren’t a threat. They can’t bring back the Reapers, I doubt anyone would be able to recreate such a thing (at least not within Shepard’s lifetime even if they did live). So once the Reapers were gone...that’s it.

Now, the technology in RR is, for the most part, accessible to everyone. Assuming Darrow defeats Atalantia, Lysander, etc. their way of thinking would still be around. But with the way the universe works, I think it would entirely possible for supporters of the Society to rise up and start a conflict all over again. This means Darrow is not finished yet, even if the immediate threats are gone. It wouldn’t make sense for him to die when there’s still stuff for him to do.

I do think, though, that it is worth mentioning that the definite ending of Mass Effect is probably related to the fact that it’s a video game and especially for stories like that, a more open ended conclusion with the implication that I COULD do more would only be frustrating. With tv shows, movies, and books, I notice, having a more vague ending works better because you’re just separated enough from the story that you can enjoy the implications of more stuff without feeling unsatisfied. There’s always exceptions of course.

ANYWAY, it part 3 I’m going to be talking about Persona 3 and 5 so....stay tuned.

[imlovethomassanders]

Eyes are the Windows to the Soul(mates) - Chapter 4

You can also read on ao3

Thank you to @strongindependentcheesecake for beta reading

This work is complete, and new chapters will be added everyday until completion:

Chapter 1 - Chapter 2 - Chapter 3 - Chapter 5 (FINAL)

Summary: The lucky few who have a soulmate are born with heterochromia, with their left eye being the color of their soulmate’s eyes and their right eye being their own color. Not only was Virgil one of the lucky few to have a soulmate, but he was given four. His left eye changed colors every time he blinked, rotating between his four soulmates’ eye colors. His rotating eye colors caused him to be a bit of an outcast growing up, but when he finally leaves for college, things start to fall into place. This is the journey of five strangers finding each other.

Pairings: DLAMP with background Remile

Warnings: None I believe

Words: 3924

Taglist:  @touchstarvedvirgil @lamp-calm-sanders @ninjago2020 @confinesofpersonalknowledge @secret-novelisthost18 @phander-sides @sherlock-lives-on-bakerstreet @bookbingingproblem @viana-dascolli @sharktryingtofly @crofters-n-falsehoods @turnedthefreakingfrogsgay @little-kat07 @romano-hottopic​

Logan had been too worried about Roman and his eyes to talk to Patton and Virgil. It had been two weeks since they last video called, and Patton and Virgil were getting worried. For the first few days, Logan said he was sick. Then he had a lot of homework, then he had a migraine, then he had to study, then he had to help Emile with studying, or whatever excuse he could think of. He knew Patton and Virgil didn't buy it, but he was grateful they didn't push him.

Patton: How are you feeling today sweetie? Virgil: think you can talk to us today? Logan: I'm in the apartment elevator. As soon as I get home I will turn on my laptop and call you. Patton: !!!! :D <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

Emile wasn't home yet, so Logan assumed he was still out with Remy. He went to his bedroom and opened his laptop, and a video call request popped up as soon as Logan came online.

"Hello-"

"LOGAN YOUR EYES!!" Patton exclaimed, Virgil wincing next to him. "Who?? When?? Where??"

Um, a couple weeks ago," Logan admitted. "We... had a bit of a rough start."

"You okay, Logan?" Virgil asked.

"Yes, things are getting better. We actually have a date tomorrow."

Patton squealed. "Oh, when can we meet them?? I can't wait to meet them!!"

Logan texted Roman that they were excited to meet him. Even though Virgil waited to meet Logan in person, that wait was only a couple days. Since Patton and Virgil probably wouldn't be able to meet Roman in person until the end of the semester, they decided to video call tomorrow.

Logan got to Roman's apartment a little before noon, and Remy was already gone. Roman said he wasn't too upset about being kicked out, since he got to use this as an excuse to go see Emile. Logan remembered Emile being particularly giddy as he left.

Logan was surprised when Roman pulled him into a hug as soon as the door opened.

"Hello," he said, muffled against Roman's chest. He prayed his cheeks weren't as red as they felt.

"It's wonderful to see you," Roman said as he let go of Logan. "I made tea. Do you like tea?"

He started talking again before Logan got a chance to respond.

"Oh, I'm so excited. You're going to love these. Which ones do you want to watch first?" Roman asked as he shoved a mug into Logan's hands.

"Show me your favorites."

Roman beamed.

A relaxing afternoon passed into evening. Roman and Logan had spent much of the time poking fun at inconsistencies in the movies, or Logan holding back laughter as Roman dramatically sang along to the songs.

Logan's phone buzzed in his pocket.

"Patton and Virgil are almost back to their dorm. They will be ready to call us when they arrive."

"Oh, wonderful!" Roman said.

Their moods had been so playful, it was easy to notice Roman's mood shift as his leg started shaking.

"Are you okay?" Logan asked.

"I'm fine," Roman said, but winced when his voice cracked.

"There is no need to worry," Logan said as he pulled his laptop out of his bag and Roman paused the movie. "I know they are very excited to meet you."

Roman gave him a grateful smile as Logan clicked the "Accept Call" button.

The few moments it took for the video to load dragged on for what felt like forever before the image of two men appeared on screen, one with pale skin and dark hair and the other covered in freckles with golden curls.

Roman's breath hitched at how absolutely gorgeous they were.

"Ohmygosh! Hello!!" the curly one exclaimed with a giant grin. "I'm Patton! It's so so wonderful to finally meet you!"

"Hey," the other one said, not nearly as energetic. "I'm Virgil."

"I'm Roman Kingsley. I'm so glad to finally meet my soulmates," Roman said as he flashed a grin. "And may I just say, that you two are two of the most beautiful beings I have ever been blessed enough to see."

Patton squealed in delight as he grabbed Virgil's hand while Virgil's cheeks grew a dark shade of red.

Conversation followed easily for them, and all of Roman's worries melted away. Roman glanced over to see Logan looking at him with eyes softer than he'd ever seen before. Roman smiled back and took Logan's hand and the two turned their attention back towards Patton and Virgil.

They were all so incredible. Roman swore he was in love.

*

"Logan?" Roman asked. He was laying on the couch with his head resting on Logan's lap. It was late Saturday night, and the two were exhausted after spending most of the day unpacking boxes. Roman and Emile were switching places so they could each live with their soulmates (Emile made sure he and Logan kept in touch - plus, double dates with them were now a common occurrence).

"Hm?" Logan hummed as he ran his fingers through Roman's hair.

"How long until winter break?"

"Thirty more days, dear."

It had been almost two months since Roman and Logan first met. And since Roman had met Patton and Virgil, too, he had been counting the days until he would finally get to see them in person.

"That's too long."

"I know."

Roman reached for Logan's hand that wasn't in his hair, but he didn't take it. Instead he just held his hand out for Logan to grab. Roman had been prepared to move at a fairly fast pace once he met his soulmates, but Logan clearly wanted to take it slow. So Roman was patient and let Logan set the pace. It took a couple weeks for Logan to hold his hand in public, a couple weeks more for Logan to cuddle with him. Some days, Logan didn't feel like being touched at all, so they'd sit in the same room on different chairs, just enjoying each other's company.

"Not that I'm not content with you," Roman quickly added. Logan opened his mouth to speak but Roman didn't notice. "I'm so unbelievably happy when I'm with you. Though I'm excited to meet Pat and Virge, you make me so much happier than I ever imagined I could be-"

"I know, Roman. I'm excited to see them, too."

Roman smiled up at him as he squeezed Logan's hand.

"...You're gorgeous," Roman said softly as he gazed up at Logan. Logan's face tinted pink as he glanced away.

"I-... you-... Thank you," Logan managed to stammer as he looked back at Roman, letting go of his hand just to run his hand down the side of Roman's face. "...May I kiss you?"

Roman's eyes widened as he sat up. "Are you sure? Because if so, then yes. Absolutely yes. But I don't want you to feel rushed or-"

"I want to, Roman," Logan assured, a tad embarrassed. Roman gave him a gentle smile as he placed a hand on Logan's cheek. He leaned in slightly but let Logan close the gap. Roman sighed happily as his eyes fluttered closed. He went to raise his other hand to Logan's cheek but Logan' separated, eyes wide and cheeks red.

"Are you okay?"

Logan nodded. "That was... really nice."

Roman smiled.

"Can I... Can I kiss you again?"

Roman nodded as he placed his hands back on Logan's cheeks. This time Logan placed his hand on the back of Roman's neck to pull him just a bit closer, not that Roman minded. Logan was the one to pull back first again, but only for a couple seconds before he pulled Roman back to him.

Roman kept the kiss slow and soft as Logan's hands held tightly on him, firm grip trying to pull them as close together as he could. Roman moved his arms around Logan's waist, aiding in pushing together. Soft gasps were escaping them both as their chests were pressed together.

The next time Logan pulled away, he just wrapped his arms around Roman and buried his head into the crook of Roman's neck. Roman smiled as he placed a kiss onto the side of Logan's head while rubbing soothing circles on his back.\

"Roman, I... I think that I... I0" Logan huffed out a frustrated sigh as he struggled to finish his sentence, his grasp around Roman tightening.

"I know, Logan," Roman assured him with a smile. "I know. Me, too."

*

Roman groaned and shut his laptop. He had done enough school work for tonight. Probably.

He ran his hands over his face. His eyes stung slightly from staring at a bright screen for so long in the dark room. Glancing at the clock, he was surprised to see it was already nine o'clock. Logan had gone out to attend some seminar for extra credit, not that he needed it. With Roman no longer tapping away at the keyboard, he noticed the light pattering of rain.

He pushed his chair away from his desk and fell onto his bed, reaching for his phone. He didn't know when Logan would be back, but he hoped it would be soon. The apartment got lonely when he wasn't around.

Roman was about to text the group chat to see how Patton and Virgil were doing when he got a phone call from the emo nightmare himself.

Surprised, but in no way complaining, he happily tapped the answer button.

"Hello, my darling. How are-"

"Roman," Virgil gasped out, and Roman was immediately worried. He sat up in the bed, mind racing with what could be wrong. Was he hurt? "I'm sorry. This is so stupid, but Patton's not at the dorm and- Oh, it's getting late I shouldn't have called I'm sorry-"

"Virgil," Roman interrupted. Virgil was already breathing heavy - Roman didn't want him to work himself up even more. "What's wrong, dove?"

"It's stupid," Virgil muttered.

"Virgil."

"...It's storming. And thunderstorms make my anxiety spike."

As if on cue, Roman heard a loud clap of thunder in the background followed by a sharp intake of breath from Virgil.

"That's not stupid," Roman said, affection dripping in his voice. "Just focus on my voice, dove. Follow my breathing."

Roman took a few deep breaths, listening as Virgil followed, and his breathing eventually grew steadier.

"Perfect. You're doing wonderful."

Roman led Virgil through breathing a bit longer until Virgil's breathing was back to normal.

"Thanks, Roman," Virgil said quietly.

"Of course, darling. I'll always be here for you, to protect or comfort. Whatever ails you, I'll work to destroy it."

"Sap."

Roman couldn't help but smile. The sound of rustling blankets came through the phone.

"...Hey, Ro?"

"Hmm?"

"Can you, um, sing for me?" Virgil asked quietly. A large grin grew on Roman's face, his heart burning with so much love for the man on the other end of the phone that it almost hurt.

"Of course I can."

Roman started to sing softly all the love songs he knew, anything he thought could even begin to portray how much he was already in love with him.

"I wish you were here," Virgil said, his soft voice making it evident he was getting sleepy. "So your voice wasn't muddled by the phone."

"I wish I was there, too. To hold you and let you know that as long as I'm around, nothing is going to harm you. Not even thunder."

Virgil chuckled softly.

"I wish you could hold me."

"And I will, love," Roman said earnestly. "As soon as I can."

Virgil yawned.

"Sing me to sleep?"

"Anything you need, Virgil."

*

Fluffball <3: Everyone get on video call!!

Roman shook Logan's shoulder, who was sitting by him, to get his attention. He showed Logan the text and Logan grabbed his laptop.

"Hey sweeties!" Patton said the same time Virgil said "'Sup."

"Hello, dearests," Roman said the same time Logan said "Salutations."

"So we all agreed to get together the first couple weeks before Christmas so we could still go see our families on the holidays, right?" Patton started, smile wide in excitement.

"Yes, Patton." Logan said.

"Well, I found a place in my home town we could rent for those weeks. So we can spend the time by ourselves instead of making our schedule around my parents," Patton said sheepishly. "If we all pitch in, I know we could afford it."

"That sounds incredible, Pat," Roman answered with a large smile. Patton's grin grew wider.

"I'll email y'all the details."

*

Roman was shaking his leg as Logan drove. He was finally, finally, after far too many months, on his way to see Patton and Virgil.

"There's nothing to worry about," Logan assured him. "They are both very fond of you. Just... be prepared for a really big Patton hug when you walk through the door."

Roman was looking forward to it.

Roman knew Patton and Virgil almost as well as he knew Logan due to the constant texts and video calls, though that could never compare to finally being able to see his darling soulmates in person.

Logan held Roman's hand as they walked up the path to the front door. He didn't have time to knock before the door flew open and Logan was pulled inside, yanking Roman in with him.

"Roman!!" Roman heard someone shout before they threw themself into his arms. "Oh my gosh it's so wonderful to finally meet you in person!"

Roman pulled back to see Patton looking up at him, absolutely beaming. Out of the corner of his eye he noticed Virgil and Logan hugging while exchanging "I missed you"s, but right now all he wanted was to focus on the little puffball in his arms.

"Hello, dear," Roman said with a large smile as he pulled Patton back to him. Patton let out a loud squeal of laughter as Roman picked him up and spun him around.

"I can not express how ecstatic I am to finally hold you," Roman said as he put Patton down, taking the opportunity to cover his face in kisses. "My dear, my darling, my love, I've been waiting for this day for as long as I can remember, and oh, how gorgeous you are in person."

Patton's face was very red as Roman finished talking, Logan and Virgil watching in amusement. Roman panicked for a moment, thinking he had gone too far, but Patton just threw his arms back around Roman and pressed kisses to his cheek.

"You're so sweet! I'm so happy you're here," Patton said as he pulled back.

Virgil gently placed a hand on Patton's arm, and he let out a little "oh" before stepping aside, turning his attention to Logan.

"Logan! I've missed you!" Patton exclaimed as he threw his arms around Logan, but quickly pulled away once he remembered Logan's occasional aversion to being touched. But Logan wrapped his arms around Patton, and Patton smiled before hugging him again.

"I've missed you, too."

"Uh, hey, Roman," Virgil said a bit sheepishly as Patton turned to Logan.

"Hello, Virgil,"  Roman said with a grin as he stepped closer. There were a couple of moments of silence, then Virgil threw his arms around Roman and Roman quickly reciprocated, placing a hand on Virgil's back and pressing him against his chest.

"It's lovely to finally see you, darling," Roman whispered as Virgil took a shaky breath and hid his face in the crook of Roman's neck. "I'm here now. It's okay."

"We're all together!" Patton squealed happily as he wrapped his arms around the two of them, and Roman felt Virgil smile against his skin.

Roman gave Logan an expectant smile, holding out his hand for Logan to take. And when he did, Roman pulled him into the group hug.

"It's really nice to finally be with all of you," Virgil muttered against Roman, voice cracking just slightly. Roman tightened his arm around him.

"It is," Patton beamed. "I'm so happy."

*

Roman groaned as he stood up off the couch and stretched his arms up, hearing his bones pop in the process. The four of them had gone out to eat that night, and it had been pure magic. It wasn't a particularly grand place, just a small diner around the corner, but the four of them being in the same place for the first time was just wonderful. Roman could put his arm around Patton, or reach over to take Logan or Virgil's hands. The way the four of them clicked together so naturally made Roman feel like he was walking on air.

Oh, how lucky he was to be blessed with soulmates.

When they got home, they had put a movie on the TV. But after a long day of travelling, Logan and Roman didn't last half the movie. When Roman woke up, Virgil had also fallen asleep and Patton was gone, but Roman could hear humming in the kitchen.

"Oh, hello, sweetie," Patton said as Roman walked in. "I'm making tea, would you like some?"

Roman nodded as he reached out towards Patton but hesitated. Patton then gently grabbed his arm and pulled Roman towards him.

"You don't have to worry about me. I always want cuddles," Patton sighed happily as he rested his head on Roman's chest. "You don't have to ask."

"But what if one day you don't-"

"Then I'll make sure to tell you. Though there's never been a day in my life I didn't want hugs."

Roman rested his cheek on Patton's fluffy hair and sighed. "I... I'm honestly sort of relieved. Obviously I'm not upset about Logan's boundaries, but..."

"You can tell me, honey," Patton urged as he tightened his grip around Roman. "It's alright."

"It's just... I've been fighting my insecurities for as long as I can remember. And physical affection just makes me feel better, I guess. It makes me feel secure and wanted," Roman said, voice getting softer from embarrassment. "And when I feel like I need it but Logan doesn't want to be touched, I just keep my mouth shut on how I'm feeling to not make him feel guilty."

"I get it," Patton said as he stepped back to cup Roman's face. "Virgil's the same way. Less often than Logan, but the same.

But I don't think you should hide how you're feeling from Logan. He'd feel bad you felt the need to hide from him. I just know he would want to know so he could find a way to help you. He loves you, Roman."

Roman huffed a bit as he pulled away from Patton to sit on the counter.

"But I don't want him to think I'm trying to pressure him."

"I know, I know. Roman... I get sad often. For no real reason in particular, sometimes. And physical affection helps me feel better, too. And just like Logan with you, Virgil is usually more than happy to help me. But for a while I, too, felt like I needed to keep it to myself because I didn't want to bother him."

"And?"

"He figured out, and he told me to tell him whenever I'm feeling sad. And we've found other ways. I'll sit next to him and we'll watch cat videos, or he'll show me his favorite music. Sometimes he'll say he can handle a little bit of touching and he lets me hold his hand or rest my head on his shoulder. But nothing is going to get better if you keep it to yourself."

Roman ducked his head as Patton gingerly pushed hair away from his face.

"Yeah, you're right," Roman said quietly. Patton pressed a kiss to his cheek. A smile grew on Roman's face. "And one day, we'll all live together, and we'll all balance each other out and love each other in our different ways. We'll never be more than a name call away from all the affection we need. Plus, while I'm here with you, I'll always be more than happy to give you lots and lots of attention."

Patton returned his soft smile as he cupped Roman's cheek. The two gazed at each other for a moment before connecting their lips, pulling the other towards them as close as they could.

The kiss was so incredibly soft. The two had to break apart for a moment just because their smiles grew so big, but they immediately reconnected their lips. It was gentle, just like Patton. Roman couldn't help but melt against him, promising himself that he was going to get as many Patton kisses as he could in his lifetime.

"I don't think I'll be able to handle another semester away from you," Patton said with a melancholy smile as they parted. Roman kissed him.

"Only a couple more years, darling. Then I'll be all yours."

*

Over the following days, Roman had the three of his loves in arms reach at all times. He could finally cuddle Patton against him or wrap Virgil tightly in his arms (and he'd never get tired of holding Logan). But the bliss couldn't last forever, and the day for them to leave for the holidays arrived.

Logan and Patton didn't have a far drive at all considering they were already in their hometown. Virgil had a good few hours, but Roman had to drive to the airport to get home, meaning he had to get up early in the morning and leave significantly sooner than the others.

"I'll see you soon, Specs," Roman said with a sad smile.

Logan met Roman halfway for a kiss. "See you soon."

Patton had been holding back tears all morning. But when Roman pulled him into a tight hug, he couldn't help that a few tears fell down his cheeks.

"Hey now, it's okay, darling. We'll see each other again soon. I lo- I'll miss you."

Patton's eyes widened and Roman tried not to wince at his slip up. But Patton gently placed a hand on Roman's cheek and pulled him down into a kiss.

"I love you," Patton whispered. Roman kissed him again.

"I love you, too."

They shared one more brief kiss before Patton let him go.

"I'll bring your bag out for you," Virgil said and walked out the door before Roman could say anything.

Roman gave one last goodbye to Patton and Logan and followed his other love.

"Call me when you land," Virgil said. "Want to make sure your plane didn't crash."

Virgil put Roman's suitcase in his trunk and slammed it shut. He wasn't looking at Roman.

"And drive safe. I know you like to play your music loud but be careful."

"I will."

"Well, um. I guess this is goodbye," Virgil said, staring at the ground.

"...Please look at me, darling."

Virgil huffed but slowly lifted his head, showing his red cheeks and puffy eyes.

"Oh, my dear," Roman said as Virgil let him pull him into a hug. "It'll be okay. We'll see each other again soon."

"I know," Virgil muttered into Roman's shirt. Virgil pulled away slowly, then placed his hands on Roman's cheeks to pull Roman down into a kiss. Roman pulled Virgil as tightly against him as he could, wishing this didn't have to end.

"I love you," Virgil whispered, surprising Roman. But he smiled.

"I love you, too. So much."

"Call me," Virgil said as he let Roman go.

"I will."

Virgil pressed one more quick kiss to Roman's lips before walking inside. And Roman smiled.

This is going to work out perfectly, he thought.

[lovelysugawara]

**grammatical errors ahead, sorry guys**

plot: you and Kuroo are married, but your husband turns cold over you, because of an incident a year ago. Will he once again love you back???

I’M SO SORRY FOR THE LONG WAIT. But here we go, our last episode of Love Me Again. Once again, thank you very much for reading this.

Cont…

Part 15 (end)

*Hina’s POV*

“Congratulations, you’re 2 months pregnant.”

I can’t explain what I’m feeling right now. What we feel right now. 

Tetsuro’s a bit shocked, but you can see tears from his eyes. 

“Tetsu, y-you hear that? I-I’m, I’m-” I can’t help but cry happily.

This joy, I almost forgot this feeling.

“Hina, I’m so happy.”

Both of his arms are now around me. He’s trembling, he’s nervous just like me. 

Nervous but happy.

Also, I became aware of what happened a year ago.

I need to protect our baby.

I touched my belly and I know we can all do this. 

***

Months passed and I’m already 5 months pregnant.

I stopped going to the flower shop, I mostly stayed at home and just went out for check ups.

Tetsu is very hands-on on taking care of me.

I can say he’s being overly protective. And I understand that.

He doesn’t stay for overtime anymore. And he always makes sure that he will come home early to make my dinner.

I have a very strict diet and I want what’s best for our baby.

What’s the thing I really love right now? It’s my husband’s hand, rubbing on my stomach. And his voice is so soothing and assuring while he talks to our baby.

“How are you now, love? Any part of your body hurting? Want me to massage you?” Kuroo placed his hands on my shoulders.

“Hmm,” I can only feel relief after he presses my shoulders.

I don’t know but I felt relaxed knowing Tetsu is beside me.

“I’m fine, I’m just glad you’re here.”

He walks in front of me and sits down. 

“How’s our baby?” he gently touched my stomach and I giggled.

“What is it? Did our baby move or something? Let me feel it too.” 

Tetsu is so excited while he keeps on touching my belly. And I only smiled at him.

He stops and looks at me, he gently smiles and hugs me.

“I love you, Hina. You know that, right? I love seeing you like this.”

“You mean, seeing me barefoot and pregnant?”  I asked him.

“I mean, seeing you happy and smiling like this. Well, barefoot and pregnant are not bad. You’re both beautiful anyway.” 

I smiled at him, feeling content on how he looks at me, how he takes care of us.

I touch his face, “Thank you, and I love you too.”

He closes our gap and kisses me.

***

“Dear God, you’re so big, Hina.”

Kenma’s unbelievable reaction had me laughing one day when he visited me.

“I can’t believe it, it’s just a few months. And you’re this big.”

Kenma sits down on the couch.

“Kenma, of course, I’m growing a child inside my body. Ofc I’ll be big. Oh, and by the way thank you for the gifts. You literally bought everything, we can’t do shopping for the baby now and that made me relax.” Me and Tetsu were so shocked one day when people started delivering baby stuff from Kenma.

“It’s nothing, I even bought a 1 year supply of baby diapers, it will be delivered before the baby is born..”

“Wow, thank you, Kenma. You really don’t have to.”

“I insist. It’s my gift for the both of you.”

I touch my stomach, “See, little one, Uncle Kenma already loves you.”

“Of course, I know he or she will be wonderful. Like his/her parents.” 

I smiled knowing Kenma already loves our baby.

“So is it a boy or a girl?”

“We decided to know it on the day of the delivery. But I’m also excited if it’s a girl or a boy. Well whatever the gender is, I know we both love our child.”

I lovingly caressed my stomach and I feel so happy doing it. Kenma is so excited about it too.

“Waaaaaaah, I’m so happy Hina!”

Mika is already crying while we talk over our video call.

“Mika you’re crying again,” I laugh at her never ending tears.

She blew her nose in between our conversation.

“So how’s your delivery? Was it painful?” I can’t hide my worries because I know it’s painful to give birth.

“Where is the brave Hina that I knew? Haha, don’t worry the doctor knows what's best when you’re at the delivery room. You don’t have to be nervous.” Mika says confidently to me.

“It can’t be helped, it’s my first time. I didn’t feel it before.”

“Ohh Hina,” 

I didn’t mean to be sad by that, but somehow I kinda feel disappointed with myself.

***

Even all these time, knowing we will have our baby soon I can’t stop thinking about our first baby. Our first born.

I can’t stop crying for the loss of my princess.

I know it’s been a year, and I know she’s at peace now.

But this uneasiness I felt. What if it happens again? What if I really can’t have a child?

I always find myself hugging my stomach every morning, protecting my baby. Kuroo probably noticed it but he will hug me too. And that made me calm.

He knows I’m anxious, I’m worried, and we didn’t want to discuss it.

But today is different.

He saw me crying one afternoon when he came home much earlier.

“Honey, what happened? Are you okay?”

He at once ran towards me, both his arms now protecting me, embracing me.

“Tell me, are you hurt? What do you feel, Hina?” his voice soothes me.

It makes me feel that I’m not alone right now.

I feel embarrassed, because whenever he’s not with me, I feel so sad and so down.

I felt worthless and because I’m still haunted by the fact that our first baby died all because of my weak state. 

And now, I know we are very careful and Tetsu’s been so caring.

Everything is in the proper place and everything is fine. 

It’s just I’m so distressed by everything.

Worried about everything.

“You know that everything will be alright, right?”

I suddenly looked at Tetsu.

“You know that this time is already different. And you know our baby is healthy and so you are. Are you still thinking about our first baby?”

I suddenly started crying. And that confirms everything.

The feeling of loss, the feeling of sadness and guilt about our baby, it all came crashing to me right now.

Tetsu didn’t talk after that, he just hugged me while I cried my heart out.

After my eyes no longer shed tears, we lay down on the bed.

I’m still in his arms, and he repeatedly caresses my hair to calm me.

“Are you okay now, love?” Tetsu touched my face so that I could look at him and opened my eyes.

“I think I’m much better now. Thank you Tetsu.” I smiled at him.

“Don’t tell me you always feel like that whenever I’m not around?” 

I can hear the sadness in his voice, and it makes me feel bad about it.

“I’m so sorry, I still have it deep inside my heart I guess.” I have to say this anyway.

“Somehow I blame myself for it.” Kuroo said and I instantly looked at him.

“No! Of course it’s not your fault I feel like this.” I wanted him to understand that it’s not because of him.

“But you see, if I only console you, and never take you for granted, you won't feel miserable. You won’t suffer so much, because you will share it with me. But I choose to neglect you and forget about your feelings.” I can hear the sadness in his voice, and I wanted to change his mindset about that.

But first, I need to change mine too. 

And I think I know what to do

That night I hugged him and we consoled each other. And be there for each other.

***

Few days after that, we decided to finally go visit our first born.

This might be the second time Tetsu saw the graveyard of our little angel.

We both stood in front of the head stone, and when I looked at Tetsu, I saw him tremble. Eyes filled with lots of emotions as his tears fall. 

He probably feels it too. The loss, the guilt, the sadness, the feeling of regret. 

We miss our baby. Even though we didn’t get the chance of holding our angel.

“I’m so sorry my baby, it’s been so long since I visited you. I run away from my sadness and I choose to deny it, and even to the point of denying what happened to you. I even pushed your mother away and our marriage almost fell apart,”

I can’t help but tear up, while listening to him. I put my hands on his back, trying to support him and reminding him he is not alone.

“I’m so sorry for being such an irresponsible father to you, and a husband to your mother.” Tetsu finally released his feeling of regret.

“Tetsu, let’s move on.”

I feel him nodding quietly. And I felt his hug tighten. 

I cried too, and we hugged each other in front of our little angel.

With this, I hope we can forgive ourselves for the things we think we can’t.  

And I think that’s all we need, to start anew.

***

And the day of my labor came.

“SERIOUSLY KUROO! I THOUGHT YOU’RE ALL PREPARED!!! WHAT THE HECK?!”

Despite the pain I felt at the moment, all I can hear is Kenma’s annoyed voice. 

All because Tetsu is panicking at the moment.

I remember I put our things in one place and he probably forgot? I’m in pain but i can’t help but giggle.

“Seriously? Panicking in the middle of it?”

“Kyaaanmaaa! Can you stop nagging at me? I got it. Let’s go!”

With so many bags in his hands, Kuroo rushed outside and Kenma guided me slowly to the car.

More than the pain I’m feeling, I can’t wait to see our little bundle of joy.

“I’m really hoping that this thing won’t happen to me again.” Kenma is still annoyed at what is happening.

“Forgive your friend already, he’s just worried and tense. I’m sure he will help you once your wife is in labor too.” I smiled at him.

“Please, don’t smile like that, I know you’re in pain. And don’t mind me, I ‘ll just beat Kuro’s ass later.”

I laugh at his annoyed expression.

We arrived peacefully at the hospital despite Kenma’s continued nagging over Tetsu and I know they are already prepared for this day for me. While they rolled my bed to proceed to the labor room, I felt worried knowing I’ll be alone. 

I looked at Tetsu's worried face, he calmly smiled at me.

“You will be fine, I promise.”

He held my hand, and kissed it.

“I love you,” 

I didn’t actually have the chance to say I love you too. Because sleep already claimed me.

***

Ever since I was a little girl, I always dreamt of having a perfect family.

Mom always tells me that once I fell in love with someone that I can share my whole life with, everything will be perfect despite the imperfect world.

Falling in love with Tetsuro teaches me that life won’t be perfect, but that’s okay. We can always make it perfect for us, and for the family we have.

After hours of labour, our little angel delivered safely.

“It’s a healthy baby girl! Congratulations!”

And my heart skipped a beat, knowing we have our princess.

I can barely hear them, but I know I’m smiling. With my foggy eyes, I tried to search for my baby inside the room. I started to panic when I couldn't see her.

Then someone reached for my hand, “Don’t worry love, they are cleaning her.”

Tetsu’s warm hand calms me down.

“Here’s your baby,” one of the nurses carefully holding her.

I watch as Tetsu carefully cups the back of the head of our princess and bend a little to show it to me.

“She’s very pretty.” I smiled as I watched him teared up while holding her.

“Of course, she’s your daughter after all.” I smiled at Tetsu, not mentioning how I wanted to cry himm too.

“Have you decided on her name?” he asked me.

“Megumi, she will be Kuroo Megumi. She’s a blessing to us.”

“Megumi, Megu, I like it. She’s perfect already.”

I can’t help but smile while watching how Tetsu admires our baby.

“Thank you, thank you for giving birth to our child. Thank you for not giving up on me, on us. I love you, Hinari.” 

“I love you too, Tetsurou.”

He kissed me on my lips and today marks as one of sweet memories we will forever cherish.

***

A/N:  Thank you so so much for waiting and for reading this fanfiction. Really enjoy writing this one. I’m going back to my original update schedule for the other fic I’m working, Distasteful Pursuit. If you can also support me there, my luvs, please. Thank you, thank you, and thank you guys.

See yah ^^

-

Taglist:

@dekuspet​ @mkkhaikyuu​ @captain-eagle-art​ @rozesarered @kurooloves @elianetsantana @saamsstuff @seijohsangel @i-vonsnyeeoj​

[hebescus]

remember this ship ask? yeah, i wanna do them all with lawlight bcs they control my brain. but it's a happy no death note au bcs it's me. oh and this shit is long plus it's 3 am rn so my words are very messy. but enjoy.

(i skip some numbers that i answered and the ones that i can't think of btw)

pre relationship :

How did they first meet?

L's investigation hq. he was a suspect of L, still, but this time he told soichiro to bring this 18 yo boy to the hq to test him, asking light to work with all of them. he ends up not guilty ofc, but L still wants to keep him…around.

What was their first impression of each other?

ah, the good old 'what the fuck dude???' from light and the 'oooh he got a big brain' from L. it's hard to get out of canon in this one.

Who felt romantic feelings first?

L. But it's more like thoughts, rather than feelings. It's just these random thoughts that pop out in his head like 'i don't mind kissing this guy, if he asks' but not like 'i want to kiss him' yknow what i mean? idk this is just something i experience a lot lmao. it develops to feelings once light falls for him and L can see that. So in terms of ideas, it's L, but in terms of feelings, it's Light.

Did either of them try to resist their feelings?

Oh our favorite light denial yagami. Of course he's cursing himself for having feelings like this but once L calls it out he's over. 

If you had told one of them that the other would be their soulmate, what would they think?

Light would laugh it off, and be like "i don't like him that way you know". L would shrugs be like "well yes that's possible, i don't think i mind". 

What would their lives be like if they had never met?

boring, lonely, empty, you name it

(more under the cut)

general :

Who initiated the relationship, and how did it go?

hmm, they both initiated the relationship? ykwim? They both notices they had feelings for each other and just...go from there. they never have like a relationship talk, they just go with the flow until at some point they starts to get comfortable to refer the other as partners. They basically can read each other's mind, after all.

Did they have an official first date? If so, what was it like?

Yes, sort of. A tennis game! And a coffee sesh after, just like canon. They plan this to be just "let's just relax, this case has been really exhausting, take a one day break, L" but when Light got home, sayu asked "how's the date going?!" He immediately said "it's not a date, you watch too many dramas it's rotting your brain" And sachiko gave him a smile while shaking her head at this statement and when he's back to his room he immediately calls L and was like "hey does that count as a date?" and L answers with "depends, do you want it to be?" with a smirk that light can hear.

What was their first kiss like?

it was late at night, light was helping L with the case when everybody went home. they were sharing their view about this certain criminal when light notices L staring at his lips, first he ignored it but it happens again and again to a point where their face just got real close and then...kiss, somehow. idk lmao.

Were they each other’s first anything (kiss, relationship, etc.)?

First person who can understand each other and are equals, the only ones who can tear the other's wall down, and just practically soulmates in any form that even their sun & moon signs mirroring each other's? YES. 

What’s their height difference? Age difference?

i hc L as just a little bit taller than light, but it's not like you can see it through the hunch anyway. ofc we all know the 6 years and 4 months age gap

What’s their relationship with each other’s families?

Sayu likes L, Sachiko is kinda surprise Light doesn't date a typical pretty person, but it only makes her heart fonder. L doesn't mind them, he thinks they're nice, light grew up in a good place. Soichiro? Well, he might me a bit reluctant but he loosen up slowly, his son is happier than he ever was, after all.

Who takes the lead in social situations?

Light, obviously. Because he's a charmer and if L takes control, the person they speak to would run immediately the first 2 minutes.

Who whispers inappropriate things in the other’s ear?

it is a universal knowledge that L does this. like, come on, count the fics, you can't, there's just so many. he loves to break that perfect wall and make light feel 🥴😳. it's entertaining. But he knows when to stop. too much of that will be embarrassing in light's part, and he respects his boy's dignity.

love :

Who said “I love you” first?

Light!! The thing is it was said over the phone. He gets more and more comfortable talking with L through calls, since every now and then L travel frok countries to countries. One time he just like "yeah, safe flight. love you, bye" he expected L to say goodnight to him as a response as usual but L was silent and he realised what he just said and realised that he fucking mean it. L seems to still be able to read his mind even thousands miles away so he replies with "i love you too, goodnight". they never missed seeing each other more than that night.

What are their primary love languages?

we had a discussion for this! but as we see in canon, they're both very acts of service with a little hint of physical touch here and there. quality time is also important. words and gift aren't really needed for them.

Who uses cheesy pick-up lines?

L. Only to annoy light. It's terrible that he almost cringed to himself, but it does bring a good laugh for light.

How often do they cuddle/engage in PDA?

PDA is a not their preference, they just love being in private more. They might hold hands sometimes, butmost times they won't. Altho they always stand or sit reaaaaally glued to each other even though there are so many space. 

Who initiates kisses?

both. they want it, they got it. but light gives light kisses (ha) more, not necessarily on the lips, usually when L was really busy working, keeping his feet on the ground.

Who’s the big and little spoon?

They don't spoon a lot, they prefer not touching at all or cufdling face to face, but when they do, Light is the little spoon because being a big spoon makes his sleeping position kinda uncomfy, he feels awkward with his legs, it's just not. thankfully L thinks cuddling light this way is very calming.

What are their favorite things to do together?

Tennis and solving cases, duh. Or sometimes they play video games fighting each other. Anything competitive and/or challenging that make their brain grow 10 times bigger. But sometimes, a comfortingly peaceful and quiet dinner with hushed words thrown here and there about random things feels like the best thing ever.

Who’s more protective?

L. For identity reasons, ofc.

Do they prefer verbal or physical affection?

Physical. They can read each other's mind, they knew it by gesture, touches, and glances. 

What are some songs that apply to their relationship, in-universe or otherwise?

IT'S MY TIME TO SHINE. venus by sleeping at last fits them so well, that song is in the background of multiple cozy couch smooches sessions or even when they're slow dancing (please listen to this tho song it's so good). also i think they would like persephone by the tragic thrills too, L would be like "this song reminds me of you" and Light answers with "i'm persephone?" "Yeah" "i'm a fucking badass then" "yes you are". oh and first day of my life? lover of mine? pink in the night? sweet creature? the lakes? oh god i have too much answers

What kind of nicknames do they call each other?

they don't do nicknames, really. although, L sometimes called light with some snarky tony stark styled nicknames when he feels particularly playful but annoyed at the same time.

Who remembers the little things?

They both do. Big brained assholes they are.

domestic life :

If they get married, who proposes?

It's not really a proposal, they didn't  even remember who said it first. But one sleepy night after a hard case, someone said "hey you wanna get married" and the other was like "sure, why not" "really?" "yeah, i think i'm ready, you?" "me too" "great" and then they go to sleep. at breakfast the next morning L called watari from across the room and said "wammy i need you to prepare [enter marriage stuff here], and light, you must call your family after this". poor old watari chokes on his tea.

What’s the wedding like? Who attends?

The wedding is in a secluded little place near the wammy's house, L used to go there a lot as a kid. With just light's parents, sayu, and watari. Well, not until Light caught Mello, Matt, Near, and Linda peeping from the bushes

Do they have any pets?

A chunky cat the wammy's kids feed daily but never try to keep them in, because no animals are allowed inside the orphanage. L saw it and was like "light let's bring this bitch home" she is, indeed a little bitch, but light and L loves her dearly. her fur has light brown and black colors, like both of their hairs, so she becomes their daughter, L gave him a weird ass name but i can't think about it rn.

Who kills the bugs in the house?

Light because he's the one who's actually bothers to. They ofc annoyed L but he cpuldnt care less to actually get rid of them.

Who’s more likely to convince the other to come back to sleep in the morning?

L. He rarely sleeps and once he did, he wakes up very fucking late and will pull light back to the bed if he's woken up by the empty space beside him.

Who’s the better cook?

Light. L is a spoiled brat. But Light can't bale for shit, that's Watari's job. Light grow up learning and helping his mom making meals for the family. He's not the best, but it's good enough to make L craves them in between his sweets.

Who likes to dance?

None of them. But they would slow dance on rare, sentimental occasions. And it's like so fucking romantic bcs all the lights are off except for a candle or a table lamp or a cabinet lamp whatever that has yellow-y dim light. And they don't speak, they just casually move against each other, but heart ready to combust like i do when i the mental image came into my head.