#though prefer to do like 5 miles a day

[concreteangel92]

Thou Shalt Not Kill - Chapter 10

Pairing: AU - Noah Sebastian x female detective reader

18+

Summery: Reader is a detective and is assigned to a murder case which she soon connects with previous killings and figures out the religious affiliation, proving there is a new serial killer within the city. Reader soon becomes obsessed with the killers mind and methods and won’t rest until she figures out who the killer is. All while she gets used to working with her new partner on the case, detective Noah Davis.

Warnings: talks of death, talks of murder/killings, use of religion, stockholm syndrome, smut, PiV, choking, fingering, dom/sub relationship, bad language (I think that’s it!)

Right here we go, after 5 weeks I’ve finally finished this chapter, it’s a fairly long one but I hope it’s worth the wait!! As always I’d love to hear your thoughts and I hope you all enjoy and I promise it won’t be as long of a wait for chapter 11 🖤

Tags: @Ima1986 @hayleylatour @thatchickwiththecamera @calleyx13 @english-fucker @malerieee @ithoughtbynowidfeelbetter @softvgold @lilhobgobbler @glccmreid @badomensls @madomens @loeytuan98 @iluvmewwwww75 @rosebushjhj @livingdeceasedgirl @lilrubles @samanthasgone @blackveilomens @hellayeahsworld @lookwhatitcost @doomhands-jr @nojoyontheburn @poisongirl616 @bakanerd @sacredthefran @flowery-mess

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Chapter Index Here

Masterlist Here

Noah didn’t return until the next day after the kiss you’d shared.

When he came through the door that morning carrying a tray with your breakfast on it, you felt as though you were an awkward teenager seeing their crush again after an embarrassing blunder. It was stupid, it shouldn’t have happened, it was wrong…wasn’t it?

“He’s been nothing but the perfect gentleman to me, maybe he does genuinely care? Maybe we can find a way out of this”

Your thoughts were all over the place, your mind was racing a thousand miles per hour. Why do you care?

“I don’t care…Noah is a criminal and it’s my job to catch the bad guys…but…is he really the bad guy or just a victim himself?”

You ran your fingers through your hair, untangling some of the knots that had formed in your sleep, you chewed on your lip in an anxious attempt to make sense of everything.

“You still with us detective?”

You glanced up and saw the amused smirk he wore on his face as he set the tray down on the bed next to you before he sat himself on the edge of the mattress.

“Deep in thought are we?”

Your cheeks flushed pink as you looked away from him, clearly being caught with your inner turmoil.

“No”

Your abrupt response pulling a low chuckle from his chest.

“Sure? Then why do you resemble a blushing school girl right now?”

Noah had leant his body towards yours, his smirk only growing bigger as he looked down at you.

“I’m not!”

“Is this about last night? No need to be embarrassed about that”

You shook your head, your cheeks feeling even warmer than before as you avoided his gaze.

“That was a mistake”

“Was it?”

You looked back at Noah while nodding your head.

“Yes, it shouldn’t have happened”

You could see the amusement in his eyes.

“Really? If I recall you didn’t pull away detective, you actually initiated the first move”

“He’s not wrong, I was touching his neck tattoo, who does that?”

“I think you’re just afraid”

You sat up straight and glared at him.

“I’m not frightened of you!”

Noah chuckled, his whole body language signalling he was relaxed and at ease.

“Frightened of your feelings for me detective. Why? What is it that’s so difficult for you to come to terms with?”

His eyes softened, like he was genuinely curious for your answer, like he actually cared.

“You’re a sadistic murderer, what more needs to be said?”

Noah shrugged in jest. “I prefer the term…artistic killer. Besides, those people had it coming, the world will lose no sleep over them”

A shiver ran down your spine, he truly has no remorse for his actions, he was proud of what he’s accomplished.

“My point”

“But you are attracted to me, you can’t deny that. I understand you detective, more than anyone else ever could, I see so much potential in you, would letting yourself go really be so terrible?”

You felt your brows knit together in confusion at his wording.

“Let go to what?”

Noah leant in closer, you could feel his warm breath ghosting your face as he spoke.

“Letting go to me, to this, to who you are meant to be. You have something special within you, I can see it and I can help you reach your full potential that everyone else has been holding you back from”

His words washed over you like tidal wave, the passion in his voice was evident.

“I…I don’t understand”

Noah’s lips hovered over yours, his eyes becoming half lidded as he scanned your face.

“You will angel, I promise”

Almost against your will, you felt yourself leaning forward….for Noah to pull back leaving the air cold around you and he got up and walked out of the room, the locks echoing in your ears.

••••••

The next few days went in its normal routine, Noah would bring you food and your clean clothes, he’d disappear during the day which you assumed was him going to work. He’d then return in the early evening to sit with you and talk over dinner, he’d even started reading some chapters of the book you were reading with you.

It was a strange dynamic, in these moments it was easy to see him as the friend and the source of comfort he had become. He gave you stimulation when you thought you were going insane and the companionship when you felt lonely.

This routine was something you were getting very used to, so you noticed straight away when he started to act different.

Noah would start to turn up a bit later than normal or he wouldn’t stay long once you’d eaten, claiming he had work to do but never elaborating on what.

This new behaviour had been going on for 3 days now, you wracked your brain to try and figure out what he was up to but you really had nothing to go on.

Today however you decided you were going to ask him.

You were both sitting on the bed as normal and Noah had been reading from your book aloud until you interrupted him.

“What have you been doing each night?”

Noah stopped reading and turned his attention to you.

“You’ll have to be a bit more specific angel, what am I doing here? What am I doing when I’m alone?”

You didn’t miss the innuendo on the latter which you chose to ignore.

“No. Why do you leave early or not turn up until later? Is it something to do with work?”

Noah closed the book and placed it on the table before he turned his body towards you.

“It’s nothing to do with the station if that’s what you were thinking. I’m just….sorting out something very…special”

“What do you mean special?”

You leant forward, his words intriguing your curiosity.

“Well that would be telling now wouldn’t it?” Noah lifted his hand slightly and ran his fingers across the back of yours, your skin tingling under his touch. “But I can say that it’s something very special for you”

“For me?”

He nodded and the same hand that had been tracing patterns on yours, came up and made its way into your hair, tucking it behind your ear.

“It’s something I’ve had planned for you for a while angel, and the time is nearly right for you to have it”

Confusion wracked your mind as you tried to think of what it could be.

“Like a gift?”

“Yes like a gift. Something that I know you deserve and I’m just waiting for the right moment”

The feeling of his hand in your hair was almost soothing, he’d definitely picked up on the fact that it relaxed you and he’d started doing it every so often, normally if you were reading together or when you were discussing something and it was almost like he done it automatically now, like it brought him the same comfort.

“Why can’t you tell me now? Why are you getting me a gift?”

Noah simply smiled. “Because you deserve it angel”

•••••

The sound of his boots coming down the stairs perked you up, sitting yourself up and moving over to swing your legs off the bed, you waited.

Time had gone out of the window these days, you could only guess based on the light, or lack of, coming through the small window above. It was dark out at the moment, Noah was extremely late tonight and that was very unusual for him so you were very curious as to where he had been.

You heard the locks turning and the door swung open to reveal Noah stood there, what you wasn’t expecting was his face being covered by his black ski mask and gloves on his hands.

“Noah?”

Noah seemed to ignore your shock and almost appeared to skip into the room, if a man of his size was capable of doing that in such a way, clearly very pleased with himself this evening as he pulled the mask from his head, his hair falling straight back into place.

“I have good news angel, I’ll be able to give you your gift very soon”

The smile he wore was similar to a kid at Christmas, whatever he was planning, he was obviously excited about.

“And do I get any clues as to what this gift may be?”

Noah came and sat down beside you, taking his gloves off as he did and you felt the movement bouncing you up slightly.

“And ruin the surprise, no. But I have everything I need to get it for you”

“I’m not really a fan of surprises”

Your hands fiddled with the hem of your shirt, the thought of Noah being this excited had you nervous.

“What is going to happen to me Noah? You can’t keep me locked down here forever right?”

Noah’s hand reached into yours and laced your fingers together.

“I don’t intend to. I told you, I have plans for you”

“And what are these plans? I’ve been down here for god knows how long and nothing! What is it that you want from me?!”

Once again, Noah brought his hand up and he caressed your cheek.

“I know it’s been hard. Believe me, I take no pleasure in seeing you distressed, but I’m here for you, have I not been very kind to you under the circumstances?”

You thought about everything he had done for you, bringing you food and water, bringing you clean clothes and even items from your flat to keep your mind occupied. You thought about all the evenings he’s sat with you and you’ve chatted, probably more than what you should have. Over the weeks you’d told him about most of your life, the highs and lows, he knew your likes and dislikes and your goals for the future. In return he’d opened up to you, at least as much as he was willing to tell.

In some ways he’d been the perfect gentleman, a good friend even.

“You have….I just don’t understand what it is that you want?”

“You. Just you angel, that’s all I want”

You felt tears form in your eyes, you couldn’t deny that you had feelings for him, you’d had them for a while now, long before you were stuck down here and hearing his words made your heart feel heavy.

“And all I wanted was you”

The hand on your cheek slipped behind your head and onto your neck as he brought his head forward.

“Then you can have me”

Noah pressed his lips onto yours softy, almost like he was worried he’d frighten you off, you didn’t pull away, instead you leaned into him more.

Noah detached his lips briefly and rested his forehead against yours.

“Tell me that this is what you want angel”

You stared into eyes and only saw your friend, your partner looking back at you and in that moment, you decided to let yourself go.

“I want you Noah”

The words came out as barely a whisper but that was all Noah needed to hear before he kissed you again, this time moving his body over to yours and holding your head in his hands.

The kiss soon started to become more dominant on his part as he started to deepen it, his tongue slipping into your mouth to run it along yours as his hands started to undress you.

You knew it was wrong, every fibre of your being knew that this was wrong, but as each article of clothing was removed and you felt his hands causing a fire to ignite over your skin, you simply didn’t care, you wanted to be his.

Before you knew it, you had been stripped bare and was straddling his legs, pressing yourself down onto his lap as you wrapped your arms around his neck as you continued to kiss him.

You pulled back and lifted his shirt away from his body and rolled your hips over his, causing your eyes to close as the beautiful friction it created. Noah certainly enjoying the view.

“Feeling a bit needy are we?”

His arrogant smirk he wore only turning you on more, he was so cocky, so confident within himself and you couldn’t help but want to submit to him.

You nodded your head, your voice lost, all you could think about was how your pussy was aching for him.

“Want me to help you baby?”

You nodded again and went to kiss him again but he put a finger to your lips and stopped you, you felt that same hand go down and he wrapped it around your throat, squeezing just enough to start blocking your airway.

This should have frightened you, he’d killed so many people with these hands, but that thought only made your pussy clench more for him.

Noah reached his other hand down and ran his fingers across your outer lips, very carefully circling around where you wanted him the most before he slid one of his fingers in, the feeling of your walls finally being able to grip onto something had you crying out.

“Look at me, eyes on me”

You looked into his dark eyes, they were completely blown out as he stared at you, studying every expression on your face as he started to move his finger inside you.

“You’re so wet angel, does it turn you on knowing what these hands have done? What I could do to you?”

Every part of you wanted to respond with a sassy comeback but hearing his deep voice whispering those words, your body answered for you as your walls clenched down on him harder causing Noah to have a wicked grin.

“Oh that’s definitely a yes, that’s my dirty girl”

Your hips started to move with his hand and you gripped onto his arm for support as he tightened his hold on your throat, the lack of air was making your head spin deliciously.

“Who do you belong to?”

Noah slipped a second finger inside and his pace quickened, your stomach started to twist and contract as your high started to build.

“Yo..you, fuck I belong to you!”

You choked out the words, you felt the need to close your eyes as you felt your thighs start to shake involuntarily.

“I said, eye on me!”

Your eyes snapped back open, your grip on his arms was no doubt leaving nail marks in his skin.

“You do belong to me, every part of you is mine”

You could feel your orgasm approaching, you couldn’t stop the moans as your body felt like it was wound so tight, you just needed something more, something Noah knew as he reached his thumb up and started to run circles over your clit as his fingers still kept their pace.

“Come on beautiful, make a mess over me”

And you did, it wracked through your body as your orgasm washed over you in waves, Noah’s hand not leaving your throat completely but he loosened his grip to allow you to breathe again as you shook in his arms.

Once you started to come down, you pushed his hand away from your core as you felt how sensitive you’d become.

Noah simply slipped his fingers out and brought them to your mouth.

“Open”

You immediately opened your mouth as he made you clean yourself off his fingers as you sucked on them.

You relaxed into his lap and could feel how hard he was underneath you, that feeling only making you needy for him.

“You look heavenly when you cum angel, I don’t know how I’m got so lucky”

You blushed but didn’t miss the irony of his words, a small smile forming on your lips as you leant forward to kiss him.

Noah returned it before he started to manoeuvre your body back onto the bed.

“Now be a good girl and get on your hands and knees, ass up for me”

You let your body fall to the mattress as you lifted your hips into the air, making sure to arch your back, hearing his groan of approval as you heard him strip himself of the rest of his clothes.

“Mine. You’re all mine”

You nodded your head as you pressed your cheek into the mattress as you felt his hands on your hip and the head of his cock line up with your entrance, he moved his hand up and spread your cheeks apart as he slid himself in.

The feeling of how full you felt was mind numbing, he was so big and you could feel every inch of him in this position, you gripped the sheets as you moaned loudly, matching Noah who’s fingers had dug themselves into the flesh of your ass.

“Shit….you were fucking made for me”

Noah wasted no time in pulling his hips back and slamming them into yours, his thrusts were hard and deep, his hands pulling your hips up even higher.

It was hard and fast but it felt absolutely incredible, Noah wasn’t shy about letting himself be heard, he was gripping you so hard you knew you’d have bruises the next day but you loved it.

The sound of skin on skin and your own wetness filled the room, you cried out his name as you silently asked him for more.

“Touch yourself for me, make yourself cum”

You knew you wouldn’t last long, you could feel your orgasm approaching, so you reached your own hand down and started to stimulate your over sensitive clit, the added pressure, along with his unrelenting pace was enough to have you screaming as you felt your second orgasm hit you, your eyes squeezed shut and your toes curled as you allowed yourself to fall.

Noah’s thrusts became more erratic as he let out an animalistic growl as you felt hot ropes of cum paint your walls.

Your body went limp on the mattress as Noah held his weight off of you but still fell onto your back, his breath warm on your shoulder.

He kissed the skin under him before he slipped himself out, the empty feeling almost making you feel cold as he collapsed next to you.

As you rolled over to face him, he looked so relaxed, like all the tension had left his body and in that moment, it was so easy to forget who he truly was.

Noah opened his eyes and looked over to you as he reached his arm out to pull you closer and gave you a very gentle kiss on your forehead.

You knew you were truly a goner, you knew you were his.

Chapter 11

[itsalwaysteatimeinwonderland]

Finding Peace Pt.5: Not Yet (Spike x Y/N)

Requested: nope. Part 5 of the multi fic.

Summary: Self-deprecation can be ahard habit to break. Especially when lobe was just mere miles away.

TW: Mentions of alcohol and drinking. Mentions of rough s e x.

Word count: 1.7k

Previous | Next

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If his body wasn't cold, steam would be rolling off it. Kiss after kiss. Grope after grope. Spike couldn't get enough. He knew it was wrong. He knew it wasn't real, but he needed it. Buffy was rough and demanding in her lovemaking, if you could call it that. She threw Spike around as if boneless and limp. She focused on meeting her needs without regard to Spike or his feelings. Spike held on and let himself be dominated. Even for a moment, he felt loved.

After Buffy has had her fill, she leaves Spike spent and tired. He knew she would return later this week. He knew it wasn't the touch that he craved, but it was the touch he deserved. Though a hopeless romantic, he couldn't fathom real love. He was immersed in a world of pain and destruction, and that is all he deserved. Unless... it was with y/n. With her time stopped. He was whole. A man. With her, there was partnership and laughter. With her, there was something he didn't deserve but desperately craved.

He got dressed and ready to pick her up. It was just another night of hunting. Buffy and Y/n decided to divide and conquer instead of working together. Buffy kills vampires, and y/n kills demons. Their decision to go their separate ways meant that Spike had to make time for both, being degraded and then being valued. Honestly, he preferred the latter.

He strolled down to y/n's house, ready to be by her side. He wanted to enjoy her scent, her presence, and her kindness. He promised to knock on the door instead of barging in, so he complies. Two knocks, and he waits.

You open the door, greeting him in your bathrobe. Spike is taken aback. "A bit early, am I?"

You chuckle, "no. I forgot to tell you yesterday. I'm taking the day off today. I want to rest."

Spike is crestfallen. You resting was good for your health but bad for his heart. This meant he wouldn't get time by your side.

"Oh... well... alright then. I'll see you..." He tries to hide his disappointment.

"I didn't say you had to leave."

A smile trails his face. "What do you have planned?" He said leaning against your doorframe.

"Well," you pondered, "you owe me a dance..." You grin.

He sighs, feigning annoyance when, in fact, he's been dreaming of the chance to hold you again. "Fine."

You invite him in. "Wait here. Let me change."

He sits on the couch. He takes in the scent of your home. It was you enveloping him, welcoming him. He could get used to this. To be in your space was to be at peace.

You come out in a flowy sundress. He forgets that he has no breath and feels a loss of air. As if the sight of you could bring him back to life. He stands up quickly.

"Darling, you are a vision."

You blush, "it's just an old dress."

He smiles softly as he approaches you. He tucks a strand of hair behind your ear. You lock eyes, and time stops.

You catch the faint smell of Buffy on his skin. The smell of leather, dirt, and cigarette masks it well. You remind yourself of your friendship. There's nothing more. You remind yourself to breathe.

"Where do we start?" He whispers.

"Let's move some furniture and I'll get some tunes off my phone."

You work together to make space in the living room. You find a generic watlz Playlist, and you take your places in the center of the room.

Spike feels nervous and silly. He has waltzed many times but never with anyone of interest. Here you were, his friend waiting for his touch, his guidance.

He places his left hand on your back and holds your left hand with his right, and it felt like it's the first time he has been touched. You hold his hand firmly and place your other hand on his shoulder. It felt right.

The music starts. Soft. He guides your body, and you follow. Your turn and sway to the music, feeling the ebb and flow of your bodies. Synchronicity and attunement. You were a unit, inseparable.

Spike looked into your eyes, swimming for his life. He recognized something in them. Something he didn't deserve.

You locked eyes with Spike. A smile painted on your face. This was the moment you wished for. It felt like peace. It felt like the end of your journey. You wondered how you could use this moment to break your curse, but it was far too weak to take over a 1,000 year old curse. Nevertheless, it was perfect. It's been so long since you've been able to rest.

"Does this please you, love?" Spike asked as you both danced.

You nodded, "It reminds me of the last time I danced. It's been so long."

"Thinking of another man while in my arms, you dirty bird?" He smirked

You laugh, "No. I'm thinking of how good it felt. Dancing is very relaxing."

"So, no man comes to mind?" He asks, a little jealousy in his voice.

"Oh, yeah. One man. A British guy, poet, auburn hair, with glasses. A sweet man with beautiful eyes. Too shy for my taste but definitely a prize." You mused much to Spike's disdain.

"Sounds like a pratt." He said through his teeth.

You laugh, big and full. "He was a crush for the moment. Someone to dream a future with. Even though I knew it was impossible, he made me feel free." You made sure to dig in on your remarks. Part of you knew that this was your getback for Spike sleeping with Buffy. If he had her, why couldn't you at least have your memories.

Spike did a mistep causing you to fall into him. Your face against his chest, his hands catching your body. You both still. You raise your face. You're mere inches from his face. Lips, almost gracing. Your breath hitches in your chest. Spike looks down at you intrigued at your next move.

"Did he ever hold you like this?" He whispered.

"No..."

Time stops, and you feel like melting into him. So close and yet so far. You knew better, but at this moment, all that mattered was what he tasted like. At the same time, you wanted to ask if it felt like this when he held Buffy. The thought pushed you away from the moment. You straightened and stepped away.

"Do you want water?" You walk into the kitchen.

Spike smacks his forehead. What was he doing? What did he want? He follows you into the kitchen. "Got any booze?"

"Oh, it's that kind of party?" You giggle.

You bring out different types of liquers and beers. "Pick your poison."

"Shots and then drinks."

You pour two shots. You both pick it up and clink your drinks before drinking it. You both sigh at the bitterness of the spirit.

You share a bottle of wine. A bittersweet red. Something that reminded Spike of blood.

"Thank you. That was fun." You break the silence.

Spike grins, "Anytime, love. It's been awhile. Sorry for stopping abruptly." He says in between sips of the wine.

You nod not knowing how to address his reaction to you talking about a past love. You didn't know how to communicate how much you loved his reaction, or the fact that he held you that close.

Spike becomes aware of Buffy's scent on him. Embarrassment takes over. He hoped that you didn't notice. How could he knock boots with Buffy and then run into your arms? You deserved respect. He made a mental note to shower next time.

You both drank the night away. Chatting and connecting. You share laughter and playful touches. The touches lingered with time. Personal space was non-existent. By the end of the night, you were cuddling on your couch. You were sleepy, and your words slurred, which made you giggle more. Spike watched attentively and committed every smile and sigh to memory.

"The sun is about to raise, love." He mentioned.

You stirred in his arms, "Already?"

He held you close, taking in the scent of your hair. "Yes, love." He hated the idea of moving, but he knew this wasn't his scene. Not yet.

You both, slowly, part. You miss his body, and he misses yours. You both slowly get up, wordless.

"Are you staying?" You ask silently.

"Not tonight, love." He hated himself for that answer.

"I understand." You mask the disappointment in your voice.

He walks to your kitchen and comes back with a cup of water. " 'm not leaving 'till you drink it."

"Then I'm never drinking it." You smile as you take the cup.

He smiles, big, and full. "Cheeky."

You finish the water and set the cup down on your coffee table. You walk Spike to the door. "Thank you again. You're the best friend I've ever had."

Spike is taken aback by your compliment. He basks in it. "Anything for you, love." He leans in and kisses her cheek. He turns and walks away before you can react.

You place a hand where his lips were. You felt lightheaded, but you didn't know if it was the alcohol or Spike's affection.

Spike walked fast-paced but happy all the way to his crypt. He pondered his actions tonight. He went fom degradation to...dare he say it? Not yet. He wanted time to bask in the effects of tonight. The sensations. The scents. He wanted to capture tonight into his being forever. Never had he had such intimacy, so much vulnerability. All ready for the picking, but not yet. He had much to offer but not enough to be loved by her, or so he told himself. He didn't deserve it. Not yet. Someday, soon, he will be able to bypass the degradation and the self-mutilation that is his rendezvous with Buffy. On that day, he will be good enough, whatever that means, for y/n... but not yet. So, until then, he had pain, destruction, and tonight's memory to keep him afloat.

[commandershepardvasfuckit]

An Arranged Marriage, part 31

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9 | Part 10 | Part 11 | Part 12 | Part 13 | Part 14 | Part 15 | Part 16 | Part 17 | Part 18 | Part 19 | Part 20 | Part 21 | Part 22 | Part 23 | Part 24 | Part 25 | Part 26 | Part 27 | Part 28 | Part 29 | Part 30

1.6k words

There’s a difference between knowing it’ll be 2.5 days of travel to Zen’s village and then truly understanding what 2.5 days of travel on foot actually feels like. At least Zen is trying to make it as easy as possible.

(I am feral over my own character, ask box is always open for talking about my writing or just monster fucking in general!)

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Two and a days was not an accurate estimate for how long it would take to get to Zen’s village.

“How much farther is it?” you asked Zen. He had warned you that it usually took him two and a half days to get to his village, but that was walking at his pace. At this point you were kicking yourself for not taking him up on his offer to borrow a horse for you from the royal stables. You had never ridden a horse before and did not want to look silly trying to learn how to on the fly, but that would have been preferable to all this walking at least.

“We are only a few hours outside the city, though at this rate it will take quite a bit longer to get there” he pointed out.

You groaned, somehow it did not sink in before when he told you how long it would take.

“We can stop and rest” he offered.

“We just stopped a little while ago. If we keep stopping so much we’ll never get there.”

“We will get there eventually, and I would rather take our time instead of having you drop dead, so how about we take a break?”

You grumbled your agreement and let Zen unpack some water and food for lunch. It was simple, just some dried fish and other meats, some fruit, and some incredibly dry, dense bread.

“I do not really like it either” he commented as he watched you gnaw at the chunk of bread, “It is an orc thing, and not very good, but it lasts well when traveling.”

You curled up on his lap after both of you were done with lunch, not caring that you were already overheating and Zen was always practically a furnace. Between the heat and all the walking you were exhausted. Without saying anything he leaned back and kept you against his chest until he was entirely laying down. You may have been sticky and sweaty, but he did not seem to care as you laid on top of him.

After an accidental nap and lunch you did feel a bit refreshed though, once more winding your way through the plains with Zen.

“There is a small village on the coast about a day from here, we could stop there and see if they have anyone sailing north we could go with” Zen said.

“Anything to speed this up” you nodded. He might have been used to all this traveling and walking, but you sure were not.

Zen ended up carrying you for a good portion of the rest of the day, though not until after you protested heavily about not needing to be toted around like a child. Regardless, it went much faster at his pace.

As the sun set Zen sat you down in the little cluster of trees next to stream that he decided would make a good camp for the night. Quickly he busied himself with lighting a fire while he sent you to refill the water skins in the stream. It was so quiet being so far from the city, probably the quietest the world had ever been for you.

The sandy, packed earth of the desert around the city had given way to patchy plains many miles ago, which in turn was now fading into a denser grassland with sporadic trees. While it had been just as hot all day, the temperature now that the sun was nearly down was not dropping as much here at least, the grass was able to insulate and hold on to some of the sun’s warmth.

Dinner was the same sort of basic meal as lunch, the two of you sat close together on the bed roll just relaxing. You had never been so tired even though you had only walked half of the day. Zen, while still tired looking, did not seem nearly as exhausted as you and was just happily leaning on you and resting his chin on top of your head.

You reached up to scratch his head, which just made him pull you onto his lap so he could nuzzle you a bit better.

You could feel your pulse rising in your throat, you had not been out of the city since you were attacked over a month ago and all those feelings were bubbling up. You knew for certain that Zen could protect you, that even way out here that he was more than capable of keeping you safe, but right now it was doing nothing to calm you.

“Hey” his voice was soft in your ear, “Are you alright?”

You just shook your head, unable to find words.

“Talk to me, I can tell something is wrong.”

“It’s just been a while since I left the city.”

Clearly he realized what you meant. He hugged on to you a little tighter, “I have you, I will not let anything ever hurt you again, I promise.”

You buried your face into his chest, trying to block out the world with the smell of incense and the sound of his steady heartbeat. He shifted about under you and laid down, pulling you on your his chest and covering you both with the blanket. Like this his tusks were holding up the blanket, making a little tent.

“I promise it is just you and me out here, and if anything gets close Tsov’ka will let me know.”

You nodded into his chest, not actually feeling any better but you appreciated that he was trying to reassure you.

Sleep did not come easy. Every little sound startled you back awake, which then also seemed to wake up Zen. Each time he would rub your back and sing to you until you fell back asleep.

Morning came too soon and Zen woke you for breakfast, the same simple meal as lunch and dinner yesterday. He looked tired, even if he would not admit it, as the two of you set off following the stream to the coast.

“Oh wow” you said. It was not like the rocky, cliff side coast that you knew back home. The water was not gray and churning, instead it was clear and smooth, and the beach was just flat sand littered with shells.

“Have you seen the ocean before?” he asked.

“Not like this, it’s so calm and bright.”

“Come, how about we walk on the shore then.”

You packed your shoes into Zen’s bag and walked where the sea met the land. Gentle waves ran over your feet while you kept bending down to pick up shells, the hem of your skirt was getting wet but you did not care, you were having fun. Zen held onto the shells you found, carefully tucking your newly found treasures into the pockets of his bag.

“I promise there will be more shells when went get to my village, we still need room in my pack for our clothes” he kissed the top of your head and helped you pack the last of your shells for now.

On the soft sand you quickly got tired as you struggled to keep from sinking into it with every step. Zen on the other hand seemed to have no problem with staying on top of it and soon you ended up with him carrying you once more.

In the distance the first few structures emerged from the horizon, steadily growing in size until it was a small village in the distance. It was not much, maybe a dozen or so houses right on the shore centered around a large fire pit, but it was civilization and possibly the chance to sail the rest of the way to Zen’s village.

Immediately several people flocked around the two of you, chatting with Zen in his tongue and looking at you with curiosity. After a few minutes you were both being ushered to sit down around the fire and being handed food, it was a nice change from the dried rations you had for the last few meals.

“They seem friendly, people you know?” you asked.

“I think I have met a few people here in passing, but no one I know well” he said, “But it does look like there is a few fishermen who planned on sailing north tomorrow morning that we can go with. It will not get us all the way to my village, but we will only be about half a day away then.”

It was nice seeing Zen interacting with everyone, people who were strangers he seemed to talk to like old friends. Periodically he paused to translate and fill you in, though most of it went over your head; updates on other villages or people, chatting about aspects of his culture you did not have analogues for, but it was all the same to you. Really you were feeling to tired to socialize anyway and it was just nice to see him looking so relaxed and happy.

He always seemed happier speaking his own language. He gestured with his hands a lot in his language, unlike when he spoke human common. His pitch and inflection seemed to vary a lot more than when he spoke common versus his relatively flat common, he was just so much more animated.

You leaned against him to get his attention, “Teach me your language.”

“Orcish would be more useful for you, more people speak it back in the city” he said.

“I want to talk to you, like this” you gestured vaguely around, “I like listening when you talk, I want to be able to hear how you really talk and sound.”

You could feel how hard he was purring just from where you where leaning on his arm.

He leaned his head down and nuzzled the top of yours, “Then I would be very happy to teach you.”

--------

Tag list

@blushycadaver @mochalyluv @hazyspacefairy @littlelovebug98 @tufflepuff23 @lets-imagineastory @emonatural191 @after-laughter-come-tears @plathsotherib @krayziee @zaqnette @graveblanketgreen @lovingbadguys @nogoatsnoglori @bunnibabylilly @selfindulgenthoe @dij-ology

[spid3namy]

Miles morales × F reader with like just in general body issues like shes not curvy with an hourglass figure and she's just insecure thinking he doesn't find her body attractive

(definitely not projecting 🤡)

pairing : e!42/1610 miles x insecure!female reader

summary : you don’t feel pretty, miles decides to help show you just how beautiful you really are to him

contains : fluff, angst, insecurities, projection, kissing, somewhat body worship, they are in their late teens, probably incorrect spanish, cussing

word count : 1352

notes : okay, so like this request was really good fr cus i used to suffer from being really insecure back in the day so this was lowkey me projecting like a LOT. also, there won’t be TOO much detail about the body type just cus like i kinda want it to be inclusive to like everyone. anyways, enjoy the story! <33

Ugly. 

That’s the only thing you thought about when you stared at yourself in the mirror. 

The way your body looked made your stomach churn. The way you felt as though you were nothing was a worrying known feeling that you were pretty much used to by now. 

Shit sucked.

All the girls at school were so damn pretty. Each having beautiful traits on their bodies. Sophomore year of high school was when you noticed just how beautiful everyone but you was.

The guys were all over those girls. The ones with the beautiful long hair. Ones with those pretty eyes. Ones who had hourglass bodies. Ones who.. weren't you. 

It was almost pathetic how obsessed you had been when it came to how the other girls looked. Why couldn’t you look like them?

Why couldn’t your body be curvy?

Why couldn’t you have big boobs?

Why couldn’t you be pretty like the other girls?

Those questions rang through your head as you continued to judge yourself through the mirror. Why were you so fucking unlucky?

“Oye hermosa! You in here?”

You jump when you hear your boyfriend’s voice. He wasn’t supposed to be here until later! You let out a noise and quickly grab a hoodie from inside your dresser, throwing it over your head before you emerge from your bedroom.

“Hey, Miles..”

“Oh there you are, I’ve been calling your name for like 5 minutes now. I was worried you might’ve not been home.”

“Sorry.. I guess, I got distracted” 

Miles gives you a look before he presses a kiss onto your cheek, his arm wrapping around your waist delicately. You could feel your lips curve upwards into a smile from the affection you were given. Even if you were upset, he always knew how to cheer you up. He had always been good at that.

“How’s my beautiful girl doin’?” You try not to grimace when he speaks. 

You’re not beautiful. He’s lying to you. He just wants to make you feel better. You’re actually ugly. He doesn’t love you. He wants someone else. Someone who is better and prettier than you. 

That stupid voice in your head makes you want to scream. Why did it never shut up? Why did it always have to talk? 

But you knew it was true. The voice was just trying to help you. To show you the truth. Well.. the truth you’ve made up in your head anyway. 

“Mama, are you okay?” Miles rubbed a small circle on your waist; the feeling alone caused you to cringe.

“Don’t touch there..”

Miles stared at you in confusion, an eyebrow being raised and his hands moving up from your waist to your face. It was weird to see you being this way. One thing about being as insecure as you were, you never told anyone about it.

You preferred suffering in silence.

Besides, how was anyone really supposed to help with your body issues? With your insecurities? Sure, they can call you pretty all they want but could you really trust them? What if they were lying just to make you feel better? 

It was a never-ending cycle. 

“Mama, are you.. okay? Is somethin’ botherin’ you?”

“Leave it alone, Miles.”

“Y/N.”

“Miles.”

Miles lets out a heavy sigh and rubs his temples in annoyance. You always did this. Pushing things down was so annoying sometimes. Especially when all he wanted to do was help you! But no, you just had to refuse his help. 

He loved you, more than anything in the world, but sometimes you were a little too much for him.

“Y/N, tell me what the problem is. I wanna help you.”

“By doin’ what, Miles? It’s not like you can just magically turn me pretty.”

There it was. Before you even realized it, you had said too much. 

Miles stared at you and furrowed his eyebrows, his eyes scanning over your face before he took a step closer to you. You knew that look. That was the look he gave any boy that dared talk to you. That meant he was about to go off. And you sadly walked right into that. 

“What?”

“Nothin’, Miles. I ain’t even said nothin’.”

“Don’t play this game with me, chica. The fuck did you just say?”

“It’s nothing, just fuckin’ drop it.”

Miles gives you a look and you instantly know how stupid you were for refusing to tell him. You knew you couldn’t tell him. Couldn’t show him just how vulnerable you are. Couldn’t show him just how much you hated the way your body looked. How you didn’t look like other girls. 

He would think you’re pathetic. 

“You smokin’ again?”

“What? No!”

“Mhm. Well, you must be high out of your fuckin’ mind to think that you’re not the most gorgeous woman on this planet. Besides Megan Thee Stallion, of course.”

“Ha ha, you’re so fuckin’ funny.” You roll your eyes at his comment, your voice filled with nothing but sarcasm from his horrible attempt at a joke. Or whatever the hell that shit was.

Miles let out a snort and took a step closer to you, cupping your face and pressing a couple of kisses onto your face. It was like he was attempting to comfort you but it was awkward to do so. At least, that’s the impression you were getting from him. You appreciated the effort but it really wasn’t work out all that well. 

“Come on, jus’ look at you, mama.. You’re fuckin’ gorgeous.”

“Miles, quit.”

“Shh.”

You pout and squirm around in his grip, moving your gaze away from him. He was so embarrassing sometimes. Miles continued to press kisses onto your face before his hands soon moved down to under your hoodie.

“Miles.”

“Don’t worry, mama.. I ain’t gonna do nothin’.”

“Watch your hands, boy.”

“Yes, ma’am..”

You roll your eyes but otherwise allow his hands to wander around your frame. You let out a gasp from the feeling of his cold hands moving up and down your stomach, stopping just under where your bra sat. He was getting a little too handsy. But you trusted him. Trusted that he wouldn’t do anything. 

“You’re so gorgeous, mama. Especially when you wear those fire ass fits.”

“Mm? Which ones?”

“All of them.”

Your cheeks heat up from his comment; your hand instinctively comes up to push at his chest in embarrassment. He didn’t move away from you though, only got closer. 

You knew he couldn’t make the insecurities go away. But he was doing a hell of a good job taking her mind off the reasons she was insecure in the first place. Sure, she’ll remember them later but that was a problem for when she got there. Right now, she just wanted to focus on him.

His lips and the way they felt on her skin. His fingers touching her body. His voice whispering sweet words to her. Everything caused her brain to just shut down and focus on him. And god, she fucking loved him for that. 

“You’re so pretty, chica.”

You merely hum in response, your shoulders relaxing as he grabs your face. Miles looks into your beautiful e/c eyes and presses a quick kiss onto your lips, only a peck though. 

“Say it, mama.”

“Say what?”

Miles looks at you like the answer to the question was just so damn obvious. And it was but still.

“Say you’re pretty.”

“Miles, I-”

“Say it.”

You let out a deep sigh and stare at him for a while. He looks at you expectedly, his eyes staying locked onto yours. There was seemingly no escape from this. 

You scoff and roll your eyes before you mumble your next sentence, “‘m pretty.”

“Louder.”

“‘M pretty.” You repeat it a little louder than before, loud enough for the both of you to hear it. 

“Good.” Miles smiled and leaned forward, pressing his lips onto yours. It was sweet; it had always been sweet whenever you two kissed. 

That voice was still in the back of your head but at least it was silenced. For now.

[alice-after-dark]

Deer Wife AU - I'm Gonna Love You

Inspired by @hiemaldesirae's deer sinner Vox designs (1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5) and his Attic-Wife Vox AU

A little Valentine's treat for you degenerates <3

I promise my AUs are not dead. Just very much on the backburner for the moment. I still plan to write for them when the inspiration strikes though!

Happy Valentine's Day everyone!

(Also if you get the title reference you're my favorite)

TW for referenced agoraphobia and diabetes-inducing fluff.

Vox doesn't remember liking Valentine's Day all that much.

He has vague memories of a woman who he assumes may have been his wife while he was alive, but he feels no love or desire when he thinks of her. Even without his full memories, he thinks if he truly loved her he would feel something. But he doesn't. If anything he feels...resentment...anger...hatred. He cannot remember this woman's face or name or anything about her, but he knows he did not love her.

Not like Alastor.

He loves Alastor. The thought still makes him giddy, makes his heart squeeze in delight, makes him kick his feet like a schoolgirl. He may not have all his memories back yet, but he knows he has never felt a love like this before.

The living room is filled with floating red candles that bathe everything in dim light. They are curled up on the couch together, Alastor stretched out across the cushions with Vox laid on top of him. He snuggles into Alastor's chest while red claws stroke his velvet-soft ears and draw little fawn squeaks out of him. The quiet jazz from the record player croons through the room. Their wine glasses are abandoned on the coffee table by the mostly gone bottle and near-empty bowl of chocolate-covered pralines they'd made together that afternoon.

Well, Alastor had done most of the making. Vox did a lot of stirring and chopping, but he still helped!

Vox is more than a little tipsy from the wine and he is warm all over and Alastor's hand on his ears feels lovely, so he can't help but whine when Alastor prods him to get up.

"Noooooooooooooooo."

Alastor only laughs at him. "I can't stand with you on top of me, dearest."

They both know it's a lie. Alastor could easily do his fancy melting shadows trick and slip away, but they also both know he won't. He gets far too much amusement out of Vox like this.

Vox sets his chin on Alastor's chest and pouts at him, puffing out his cheeks in that huffy way he knows Alastor finds endearing. "Why do you need to stand? Why can't you stay here?"

Red claws stroke along his ear again and it takes every ounce of willpower Vox possesses to not melt into the touch. "While I am endlessly flattered by your admiration for my talents, I would much prefer to be on my feet when dancing with you."

Vox feels his cheeks go pink instantly. "O-oh."

It's easy for Alastor to slide him up then and escape the couch, for Vox's mind is far away, racing a mile a minute.

Dance.

Alastor wants to dance with him.

Shit, can he dance?

He doesn't remember.

Vox nearly trips over himself when Alastor pulls him up. Fuck, they haven't even started and he's already got two left feet. But Alastor says nothing, only takes one blue clawed hand in his, sets a hand low on his waist, and leads Vox into a simple dance.

He's wearing a dress Mimzy bought him, dark red to match Alastor's own suit. The singer has tried so hard to get him to come shopping with her, but Vox still finds it far too difficult to venture outside. That doesn't stop her from storming the house after every outing to play dress up.

Alastor's shadows lift the coffee table and its contents away to give them more room and the Radio Demon takes the opportunity to twirl him. Vox decides he must have actually been pretty good at this when he was alive because he moves easily with the turn, stepping back into rhythm with Alastor as he settles back into his arms. The look of approval on Alastor's face makes his heart jump.

"Always full of surprises, darling."

The grip on his waist shifts into something more possessive and the hand holding his pulls away to cup his face and guide him into a kiss. Vox's arms wrap around his shoulders as he leans into it. He will never get tired of kissing Alastor, of being kissed by Alastor.

When they part, he rests his head on Alastor's shoulder and that is how they stay, swaying gently in the flickering candlelight long after the record has ended.

[nausikaaa]

Six Sentence Books Sunday

hello y'all! i've been having a busy week, trying to get all my christmas shopping done before December even begins, because otherwise i know the entire month will escape me and i'll wind up realising i've missed someone on christmas eve. despite my efforts, i still haven't got anything for my dad- usually he's the easy one to buy for, but this year i'm just stumped.

i'm also putting my billy goat Hadrian out with the girls (Juno, Daisy, Lucy and Mina) in just under a week, but Daisy was getting pushed around and picked on, so i separated her last week so she can put on a little weight and relax beforehand, because if she's stressed, she may not come into season. then it snowed. goats are herd animals, they prefer to have company, so i made sure she could see the others through the fence, but it turns out she is absolutely loving having her warm little hut to herself while the others all share the big shed, while Hadrian has a corner of the hay shed to himself, with wickets keeping him from the hay.

flattering photos of the handsome chap and damsel in distress before the snow hit:

sorry for the ramble. anyway! writing! well... i haven't been doing much lately, to be honest. when i'm in a writing slump, i like to read instead, and i view it as putting words in my brain so that it can make it's own words. it also helps me pick out things i do and don't want to emulate in my own writing. so instead of sentences, here are six books I read this year which i took something from:

We Solve Murders by Richard Osman, from which I am taking that it's okay to just use "said" instead of using a billion synonyms, as it blends in to the background and allows the story to flow more naturally. unless the way something is said is really relevant, it's better to show a character's feelings another way.

American Hippo by Sarah Gailey, which has such easy to follow yet engaging action and fight scenes, which I aspire to.

Home Fire by Kamila Shamsie, which had me sobbing inconsolably at the end. if a book prompts a physical reaction in me, that's an instant 5 stars. it's based on the ancient greek play Antigone, and though you don't need to know the play to enjoy the book, it really does deal an additional sucker punch to know how that story ends and yet hope so desperately the whole time: maybe it will turn out okay this time? a masterclass of foreshadowing and implication, somebody can literally die and it go unsaid, but you will know and it will destroy you.

Alcestis by Katherine Beutner. I hated this book. Plot? I barely know her. Consent? What's that? Resolution? Nah, pass. I learned what not to do from this garbage.

Percy Jackson: Wrath Of The Triple Goddess by Rick Riordan. I actually read both of the new pjo books that came out this year and honestly, they've shown me that sometimes a book can just be fun. There's no world ending drama, but still emotional moments and tension, and the whole story takes place over a matter of days. It doesn't have to be perfect, it can just be a good time.

The Amber Fury by Natalie Haynes. As somebody who writes a lot about grief, this book really helped with that by depicting it in such a raw and honest way, allowing the audience to connect with it even if they've never experienced the kind of loss the main character has. I do draw on my own experiences, but this helped me put it into words. It also shows how healing is always possible, no matter how severe the grief, so long as you have the right support system, something I am still muddling through.

an invitation to share some sentences or some books: @forabeatofadrum @cutestkilla @run-for-chamo-miles @roomwithanopenfire @prettygoododds @bookish-bogwitch @ic3-que3n @blackberrysummerblog @j-nipper-95 @youarenevertooold @larkral @that-disabled-princess @orange-peony @aristocratic-otter @thewholelemon @alexalexinii @confused-bi-queer @shrekgogurt @comesitintheclover @raenestee @hushed-chorus @you-remind-me-of-the-babe @noblecorgi @shemakesmeforget @ileadacharmedlife @supercutedinosaurs @artsyunderstudy @otherpeoplesheartachept-2 and @ninemagicks

[telomeke]

10 (or So) BL Boys I Want Carnally (Plus a Couple of Girls Too)

I was tagged by @neuroticbookworm at this post here and @waitmyturtles at this post here. Thank you dearies! 🥰

Now here's the thing before I get on with the post: after a certain time I think sexual attraction is a phenomenon more intellectual than physical.

So the beautiful people I'm listing below are ones whom I think fit the list in my head as examples of those genetically blessed with sexual desirability. But it's not as though I'm really feeling a carnal stirring in the loins for them. No fantasied jumping of bones (or boners) here; I would probably run a mile in the opposite direction if any of them actually presented themselves naked and available to me, you get my drift?

Still, since the malls are open I do like to look (even if it's only window shopping through binoculars 🤣). So, in no particular order, with tongue firmly in cheek and more admiration in my head (for the obvious hard work at the gym) than lust in my heart (or anywhere else) – here goes: 😍

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1. Nonkul Chanon

I know Nong Non looked like a little ball of Koreanesque sunshine in I Feel You Linger in the Air (really channeling 2PM's Wooyoung for me), but Mistah Santinatornkul used to be beefier and apparently lost weight to look all sweet and wispy for the role of Jom in IFYLITA.

Dunno bout you, but I miss the beef. (And if you do too, I urge you to click on the YouTube link above. 😁) Also, Nonkul had four lead roles in 2023; I think his star is on the ascendant, so keep an eye out for this one (he seems to have an international presence that most other Thai stars don't, though it beams eastwards). 🤩

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2. Ohm Pawat

I prefer him hunkier and chunkier like he was during his Bad Buddy Pat Napat days (he's too shredded and gangly beanstalk now for me) but I've actually met Ohm in real life and (I've said this before) his smile is supernova dazzling. Like everything else in the room simply fades to a blank whiteness. (Or maybe it was just me feeling faint. 🤣) Supremely photogenic (I don't think he has any bad angles), this boy definitely has the X factor and after Bad Buddy I will always be a diehard fan.

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3. MaxTul

The original kings of BL who never shied away and just went for it when it counted. I rue the loss of Tul to business or real estate or whatever it is he's focusing on now, but this coupling will always be legendary so I'm putting them together as one on my list.

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4. Gap Jakarin

You may be noticing a trend here, but I do like a bit of meat with my two veg. 😜🍆🥩🥬🍴🤣 Anyway I'm all goo-goo eyed at lovable himbo Yai in The Sign, especially when we see how smitten he is with his beautiful girlfriend Sand (who's canon transgender in the show, as Yoshi Rinrada is in real life too 💖). And that's carried over to my appreciation of Gap Jakarin in all his meaty meathead glory offscreen as well.

Plus when he was in the bulking phase (or maybe it was for a role?) Gap was also carrying a fair bit of baby fat in the following photo on his Instagram, and somehow that just makes him even more teddybeardorable in my eyes: 🧸😍

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5. Neo Trai

Always the boy you remember in roles you'd rather forget. I've liked his look (neck up) for a long time now; in his current gym bunny phase the rest of Neo is looking more buff by the day and I approve, aesthetically speaking. More to love. 😘

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6. Force Jiratchapong

Nice to look at. Only just about makes up for his roles and acting though. I'm not hurrying to watch anything he's in, unless it's for a photoshoot like the one in the YouTube video above. 😮

7. Pavel Naret

It appears he's had a little surgical tweaking recently, but the doctors did a fine job and Pavel is always looking like he's some sort of walking sex buffet, dishing out sass and overflowing sex appeal at every turn. Still not enough to make me wanna watch Pit Babe though. 🤣

8. KaowOat Supasin

Apologies for the fuzziness of this screencap but I can almost feel non-existent ovaries swelling within me when I look at KaowOat's pensive buttcrack and delicately-placed fingers here. Almost makes me want to watch Playboyy The Series. Almost.

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9. Net Siraphop

I'm also on board with everybody's carnal favorite Net, even though I've not watched a single thing he's been in (Uea's kitty ears in Bed Friend did a good job warding me off, like garlic and crucifixes to a vampire so well done James Van Helsing). Nonetheless all the screenshots and GIFs were more than enough to leave me a little breathless at Net's honey-toned beauty. Those eyes telling of mysterious depths! That handsome jawline! That teasing glimpse of buttcheek with no tanline! When upon a time will we finally get Love Upon a Time? I'll be watching, if James can keep his furry ears out of frame.‌

‌‌‌

10. Kao Noppakao

Oh he of the excellent cheekbones and Cupid's Bow lips! Always looking so icy and unavailable, yet Kao utterly charmed his way into my heart in Lovely Writer (and then shattered it within the first few minutes of Until We Meet Again). Like Ohm he literally cannot take a bad photo; it's all Blue Steel and high fashion with this one.

BONUS 1 (because I am no respecter of limits):

Great Sapol is on here because he filled out his tight policeman's uniform so well in Manner of Death (and has me vibrating with pins and needles waiting for Wandee Goodday). And Taylor Zakhar Perez just because he was such a menace in Red, White & Royal Blue (that full frontal above is from Minx though). 😜 Plus TZP's name always gives me the giggles because zakar in a number of countries quite literally means what that eggplant is hiding. 🤣

‌

BONUS 2 (because these girls have made me feel something):

Zorzo Nathanan (formerly Zorzo Natharuetai)

Ever since she roared up and flicked those lovely long locks (and legs) on her motorcycle in Lovely Writer, I've been going weak at the knees for the ravishing confection that is Zorzo. Supposedly queer in real life too; just adds to the appeal. 🤩

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Namtan Tipnaree

Absolutely radiant and glowing in Last Twilight even though makeup and wardrobe have Namtan totally frumped out for the character of Porjai. If you can look this good with perpetual bedhead and a shapeless gray t-shirt, there's some kind of sexual sorcery going on and there's a part of me that wants whatever it is she's got. 💖

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I always tag too many people so I'm going to buck my brand and tag just one: @non-binarypal7. But consider yourself tagged if you've read this far and would like to play too – I just love reading other people's takes in tag games! 😍

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[thecreaturecodex]

Scrab

Image © Oddworld Inhabitants, accessed at the Oddworld Wiki here

[Sponsored by @martyslittleusedblog. Like previous Oddworld creature the paramite, the scrab combines a very distinctive look with pretty basic mechanics. After all, in a game where your character dies to a single bullet, combat isn't exactly the developer's goal. So the good stuff is in the flavor text, which I did tweak just a little. In the games, it's implied that scrabs are pure carnivores, but both their desert habitat and ability to be farmed for food suggests something a little broader. So I went omnivore.]

Scrab CR 7 N Magical Beast This creature has four crab-like legs, each tipped with a large claw, above which grows an armless, humanoid torso. Its head is eyeless, with a large upward scooping beak, sword edged along the lower jaw.

Scrabs are belligerent omnivores native to the desert mesas and canyons of an alien world. They are extremely territorial, repelling all other scrabs from their territory except for pack members unless it is the mating season. Territorial marking is done with booming calls that carry for miles through the still desert air, but if that fails, scrabs do not hesitate to fight others of their own species to the death. Due to the harsh nature of their habitats, scrab territories are large. Most scrabs forage independently by day, and then return to a communal nest during the night to feed the young, who are communally raised on regurgitated food provided by all pack members.

The bulk of a scrab’s diet consists of roots and gourds, dug up using their shovel-like bills. They prefer meat when they can get it, though, either carrion or killed on the hoof. Scrabs find the meat of their own kind unpalatable—the one thing a scrab will refuse to eat is another scrab. This is unusual, as many species find scrabs to be delicious, albeit difficult game. Due to their homebody nature and garbage disposal physiologies, scrabs can even be farmed, although this runs the risk of the farmer becoming the next meal if the scrabs are neglected or underfed. Due to their durability and fierce nature, scrabs are also sacred animals in some cultures. The cultures that farm scrabs and those that venerate them are usually deeply at odds with each other.

Scrab      CR 7 XP 3,200 N Large magical beast Init +5; Senses blind, blindsight 60 ft., Perception +9

Defense AC 21, touch 10, flat-footed 20 (-1 size, +1 Dex, +11 natural) hp 76 (8d10+32) Fort +10, Ref +7, Will +6

Offense Speed 50 ft. Melee bite +13 (2d6+6), 2 claws +13 (1d6+6) Space 10 ft.; Reach 5 ft. Special Attacks thrash

Statistics Str 22, Dex 13, Con 19, Int 2, Wis18, Cha 9 Base Atk +8; CMB +15 (+17 bull rush); CMD 26 (28 vs. bull rush, 30 vs. trip) Feats Endurance,Improved Bull Rush, Improved Initiative, Power Attack Skills Acrobatics +10, Climb +15, Perception +9, Survival +10; Racial Modifiers +4 Acrobatics, +4 Climb, +4 Survival

Ecology Environment warm deserts and underground Organization solitary, pair or pack (3-12 plus 100% noncombatant juveniles) Treasure incidental

Special Abilities Blindsight (Ex) A scrab’s blindsight is based on hearing and electrical signals. When deafened, or in an area of silence, a scrab is considered to have blindsense instead. Thrash (Ex) As a standard action, a scrab can lash out with its claws and beak in all directions. All creatures adjacent to the scrab take 3d6+9 slashing damage (Ref DC 20 halves). The save DC is Strength based.

[diseaseriddencube]

My Hazbin Song Rankings

Sometimes I only enjoy small sections of a song, but if those sections are good enough it can still rank higher than a song with a high percentage of decent sections.

Hell’s Greatest Dad: there's parts I don't like much but the song still gets 10/10 from me. The beginning segment for Lucifer and Alastor are my absolute favorite. After that it gets a little eh? I wish that fiddle moment went on for a second longer. Alastor's second section is more like 7/10. Mimzy is...yeah

Poison: 10/10 perfectly solid, no parts I dislike, while I prefer Angel's pilot va more in general, this guy does a good job especially for the songs. The song's catchy, no interrupted or talking sections, the animation for it is also very nice.

Hell Is Forever: 7/10 I like this one, Adam's chorus is absolutely a banger. the sections in between the chorus are more like 5/10, this one's in my playlist

Stayed Gone: 4/10 for the song as a whole, but the actual singing segments get a 7/10 for me, it just bothers me that half the song is talking rather than actual singing. I like Vox's voice, and Alastor plays well in contrast. The tune is nice and catchy, and the ending is perfectly sinister. That's the tea~ (this is in my playlist, with cropped out sections)

INSIDE OF EVERY DEMON IS A RAINBOW: the better beginning song from Charlie, 6.5/10. it's fairly catchy actually but it's not my favorite by a mile

Respectless: 6/10, Carmilla's got a nice powerful voice but Velvette's sections are the part I enjoy, it's a decent song but it won't go in my playlist.

Finale: the majority of the song gets like. 3/10. don't love it. the 25 seconds from the Vs get an 11/10 why couldn't the entire song be this good 😭 Alastor's part from a song perspective is maybe 4/10, as a scene it's a 10/10, but we're ranking the music alone here.

Loser, Baby: 6/10, I like the older style, the beginning part doesn't have appeal but I like the swing of the chorus. Husk's voice in general ain't my favorite but it's alright for this genre. Angel doesn't sound great in this one. Not going in my playlist but I like it well enough.

Happy Day In Hell: solid beginning song, very disney princess. It's not quite my thing, but it's catchy enough and doesn't bore me. 6/10 it ain't bad. wouldn't go in my playlist but I like it well enough

Inside of every demon, is a lost cause: a pilot song, any Alastor song may get a biased ranking, this gets like 5.5/10 though, it never really got my attention much as a song.

Out For Love: 5/10 eh, nothing about it I particularly hate, but it's forgettable and not doing anything for me. didn't need to be a song.

You Didn’t Know: the beginning sucks so bad, stop saying Sera you're pissing me off 😩 Sera's voice ain't doing it for me. Lute's beginning is where it starts getting better. maybe because they're reprising the much better Hell Is Forever. Charlie and Emma's duet is quite badass though. 5/10

Welcome To Heaven: 3/10, catchy but forgettable. didn't need to be here.

More Than Anything: put it away please. 3/10, it's fine I'm just really bored of it, if it wasn't 3 whole minutes long maybe I'd be more okay with it

More Than Anything (Reprise): just put. it. away. please!!!!

Ready For This: 3/10 I'm just bored, nothing wrong with it. forgettable. 5/10 for that little alastor/rosie section, I love their little dance too.

It Starts With Sorry: ugh. 2/10 I wouldn't put this on my playlist at all. it's slow and sappy and uuuuggghhh this did NOT need to be a song, bad viewer experience

Whatever It Takes: 2/10 put this shit away, this didn't need to be a song, it's so boring ahhhhhhh, Carmilla doesn't even sound great in some parts of this. it just goes onnnnnn and oooooonnnn. Vaggie's singing voice bothers me because she doesn't sound like herself, I honestly though she had a separate singing va

[freak-attorney]

Random Ace Attorney headcanons!!! :D

Feel free to leave ur own in the notes or if u agree/disagree!!

(Also please keep in mind that I'm basing these off of the first trilogy since that it all I've played so far!)

Feel free to ask/request any other specific headcanons from me :D

Phoenix Wright

Barely passed the LSAT

Used to have panic attacks in court (is now in therapy)

Always has a hair tie for Maya

Has learned how to do Pearl's hair for her

Filipino/American

Chronically online

Finds millennial humor funny

ADHD undiagnosed

Bisexual

His hair ALWAYS has traces of gel in it

He's a dog person but loves cats

His suit is always a bit wrinkled

Survives on red bull and microwave dinners

*finger guns*

Love language is physical touch and acts of service

Falls asleep at his desk every night during a case

Needs 5+ alarms to wake up in the morning

Uses concealer to hide his eye bags

Doesn't floss

Sleeps like a starfish

Has sweat stains on several shirts

Naturally wavy hair but he straightens it

Miles Edgeworth

Always hours early to a case because he's very anxious about being late

Sometimes wishes he had a different career (outside of law) but never even considered it an option until recently

Very argumentative over silly things, eventually apologizes with a small gift or note

Love language is gift giving

Enjoys parallel play.. like he enjoys just having someone in his office while he's working even though he doesn't acknowledge them

Has good stamina from always using stairs over elevators

Can cook very well, enjoys cooking for others

Autistic (late diagnosed)

Has a collection of fidget toys that only a few people know about

Chronically OFFline

Enjoys animal crossing and other peaceful games

Has excellent hygiene

Started dying his hair grey as soon as he found one strand of grey hair

Makes a photo album for Franziska for her birthday each year

Has a blanket that he's slept with for 10+ years

Keeps every trinket that Pearl or Maya might give him

Has fresh clothes and toiletries at the office in case he sleeps there

Prefers gold over silver

Is a cat person but is okay with dogs (he thinks dogs are messy)

Has an ironing board in the wall of his office

Probably gay or somewhere on the aroace spectrum

Wears a full face of makeup to court (gatekeeps his sweat proof foundation)

Sleeps curled up in one corner of his bed

Maya Fey

Loves to do cartwheels (can't actually do a proper cartwheel)

Tries learning Japanese on DuoLingo (can't keep more than a 5 day streak)

Taught Pearl basically everything she knows

Love language is quality time

Is very good at rhythm games

Has "childish" interests like Sailor Moon, Hello Kitty, My Little Pony, etc.

Enjoys older arcade games like Galaga, Frogger, and Mappy

Wanted to be a veterinarian at some point but is a bit too squeamish for that

Is ALWAYS late even if she plans to be early

Sleeps with a night light

Has a collection of rocks that Pearl gave her growing up

Loves abstract art

Hugs very tightly

Since Mia's death her last words to anyone close to her when they separate for any amount of time is "I love you" just in case

Is naturally unorganized but started keeping a planner when she started working with Phoenix... she sometimes forgets the planner exists but she TRIES okay??

Dick Gumshoe

Love language is gift giving and acts of service for SURE

Would gladly give someone his umbrella in the rain knowing he'd get soaked

Doesn't know how to cook because he doesn't have the resources but he'd like to learn

Forgot to put water in his ramen once and almost burned his apartment down

Doesn't always shower because his water gets cut off

Smells pretty rank but Edgeworth gifts him nice body sprays sometimes

Always makes sure Edgeworth is up at a reasonable time for a case/trial even though he really doesn't need to

Always chewing gum

Dream car is a Jeep Wrangler

Demiromantic

Memorizes little details about people to give them good birthday/holiday gifts

Gets very excited about fortune cookies

Loves buffets

Gives the BEST hugs

Is scared of thunderstorms and terrified of hurricanes

Really appreciates small gifts like keychains or trinkets

Lets Maya and Pearl paint his nails

Has really large and calloused hands

Sleeps all snuggled up hugging a pillow

Used to collect magnifying glasses

Bites on his pencils/pens

Franziska Von Karma

Sapphic.

She wears press ons

Stalks the social media accounts of her clients

Sleeps in a grandma nightgown

Has two planners: one physical and one on her phone

Really wants a pet rabbit

Has so many decorative pillows on her bed and arranges them every morning

Hits people next to her when she laughs

Quietly gives gifts for holidays/birthdays without making it a big deal

Casually gives super expensive gifts

Plays Genshin

Forces Edgeworth to watch reality TV with her (Say Yes to the Dress, My Strange Addiction, ANTM, Jersey Shore)

Really likes horror movies but can't handle too much gore

Classically trained in ballet

Enjoys photography

Watches the Kentucky Derby every year

Basically raised Miles when Manfred didn't

Knows how to sew but doesn't have the time

Collects Monster High dolls

Likes dogs but LOVES cats

Finds dumb people really attractive

Needs complete silence when doing paperwork or she can't concentrate

Autistic (undiagnosed)

Doesn't plan on ever getting married

Probably one of the only characters that gets proper sleep

Prefers pleated skirts over pencil but wears them in court to look professional

Hates the texture of chiffon fabric

Always wearing a different pair of earrings

Has a couple small tattoos but covers them well

Has the sharpest eyeliner known to man

Fluent in a few languages including Mandarin Chinese, French, and Italian

That's all for now!!

[sirfrogsworth]

Around 9pm, after the storm passed, I tried popping out to get some McDonald's. A quick 10 minute trip to get some pre-birthday nuggets.

When I got there it was pitch black. No power. The Steak n' Shake next door had power though. But I couldn't remember their menu and had rehearsed my McDonald's order. Less anxiety if you rehearse. So I check the GPS, there is another McDonald's 2 miles away.

Because it is America and of course we have one every 2 miles.

I drive over there, pitch black again. So I decided to go to the Jack in the Box down the street from my home. I get there and pull behind a car already ordering. The drive-thru speaker is broken and sounds like a voice going through a distortion pedal. In fact, I know some musicians who would probably pay handsomely for that speaker as an interesting vocal effect.

The guy started ordering stuff and the distorted disembodied voice kept telling him "Uh, we don't have that." He ordered a Sprite, she said "Uh, we have orange juice." I was going to order a Sprite with strawberry in it. So that was off my list. After 5 minutes of him trying to order things they actually had, he finished his order complete with 3 orange juices.

So, his Vitamin C is covered for a while.

I quickly rehearse my updated order and pull forward for my encounter with the distorted disembodied voice. She asked for my order and I loudly and clearly state my 3 simple items. She responds, "2 tacos and what now?" I loudly and clearly state my 2 simple items. "Would you like a combo? We only have orange juice." I reject the orange juice and the combo. "So you want 2 tacos and what again?"

You might understand why I don't frequent this establishment and prefer the powerless McDonald's.

I drive up to the window and pay. The now embodied non-distorted voice tells me to pull to the front and park. The parking lot is full and someone made the interesting decision to park, not in the disabled spot, but in the expanded wheelchair area *next* to the disabled spot.

Which meant they took up 3 spaces at once.

I wasn't even mad, I thought that was impressive.

Thankfully someone left soon after and I pulled in. They brought out my order almost immediately. Which made me wonder why they even made me park in the front. I could have waited 2 minutes and gotten my order at the window.

Whatever.

I still wanted a drink, but thankfully the Jack in the Box was connected to a giant gas station. So I went in there and they had a broader selection than orange juice. I found a Strawberry Fanta and headed to the register. I noticed a very depressed man shaking his head. All I heard was the employee saying, "I'm sorry we don't do that here." And then he looks like he is on the verge of tears, "I coulda swore you did." I then saw a wrinkled checkbook that had seen better days in his hand. I'm pretty sure he wanted to write the gas station a check in exchange for cash. I don't know why he thought that might work, but I'm guessing he was desperate. I felt sorry for him as he moped away. I paid for my Fanta and headed home.

And that was my 40 minute trip to two McDonald's, a Jack in the Box with only orange juice, and a gas station.

Also, I am officially 42 now.

[ghostofasecretary]

ate and got to bed. like. appallingly late. woke up at 5:30 having pushed all the blankets off the bed even though it was fuckoff cold. TIRED.

have to, somehow, fucking. get through my day.

tbh my main goal is to *eat dinner at a reasonable hour (before 7:30 ideally, earlier than ten fucking pm no matter what).*

for now: breakfast✅️, get dressed✅️, prep✅️, drive off✅️

next up: IRL prep✅️, teach 1✅️, teach 2✅️, teach 3✅️, teach 4✅️, lunch✅️, teach 5✅️

then: drive to other school✅️, prep✅️, teach 1✅️, teach 2✅️, verify attendance + finish notes✅️, drive home✅️

roll a die on whether or not to print stuff within five minutes of parking. do what the die tells you. (would prefer to print and pick up meds but Cannot sit in the parking garage for a full hour Again)

ok! due to weather i have to fix my problems TODAY, here's the plan:

- go get meds✅️

- print stuff✅️ (both errands done within 50 minutes of parking! walked a nice mile or so! nice!)

- real quick check oil level, it's too hot to check right now but is running Scary. refill if too low (HELL YEAH GO ME!!)✅️

- shower✅️

- cook dinner + lunch for tomorrow. maybe make banana bread also?

i got 6 hours of sleep but my classes went well and i'm ready to be brave. let's do this!

it is evening o'clock and i am tentatively on track to Eat Food In A Timely Manner. once again: Hell Yeah

[jazztato]

Valentine's day gifts (Abel x Reader)

Abel

It’s Valentine's Day!  And all of heaven is decked out with the beautiful colors of love, most of the angels were already married from when their past lives and ended up in heaven together, but most of us weren’t so lucky, Valentines day was a day of love and cherishing our loved ones but (Y/N) was one of the souls who weren’t so lucky, she didn’t have any one in her life but she did have a secret crush on a boy who was around her age but she wasn’t the only one who was crushing over him, all the single ladies were going bananas over him hoping one of them would be his valentine, the boy in question was Abel son of Adam the first man, his son is just as popular as the father himself.

(Y/N)’s P.O.V

I was more nervous than ever, I didn’t know what to do and how I was going to express how I feel towards Abel, he wasn’t really the type of angel that seeks so much attention like his father he was quite the opposite, he loved making friends though he thrived on making sure every angel in heaven felt welcome and right at home but with his kindness comes with a price all the female angels who were single wanted a piece of him, I have to admit I do as well but not in a way the others do I was too shy to even approach him or speak to him and whenever he looks my way I feel like I’m going to die again!  My heart won’t stop pounding. I swear everyone could hear it from a mile away.

I was walking through the streets of heaven trying to figure out how I'm going to confess to him, as I was walking it hit me. I knew what I was going to do while everyone was buying Abel a gift. I decided to make mine from scratch!  Even the candy and I can take some of the flowers my friend was growing in her flower bed. I'll have to apologize a whole lot and make it up to her later, but she’ll understand that it’s for love!  I quickly returned home my heart pounding like crazy from the nerves or it could be from running from the town square all the way to my little cottage I call home which wasn’t exactly close to each other I relax a bit taking a moment to catch my breath before getting all the materials ready for making a little stuffed bear, I wanted the bear to resemble Abel in some way, I was a nervous wreck as I started putting together the stuffed bear but time got the best of me because before I knew it a few hours already passed by and it was getting late and valentines day was getting closer to coming to an end.

I started to freak out as I didn’t have enough time to make any chocolate so I decided to take the ones I had already made that I was saving for a rainy day not that it doesn’t rain in heaven, I grabbed everything and quickly rushed out almost tripping over my own two left feet, luckily I managed to catch myself I looked at the time and it was 10 minutes before midnight I let out a frustrated groan, I frustratingly opened my wings and flew up into the dim sky flapping my wings with all my might towards where Abel was located at, luckily I knew where he lived because I’m in the choir with him and we often have choir practice at his house, after about 5 minutes of flying through the sky I finally managed to spot his house it was one of the best houses in all of heaven I started to whine as my wings were started to cramp up I’ve never really fly for this long I always prefer to walk it’s better anyway, I quickly landed at his doorstep and let out a huff before ringing his door bell after a while his door swung open and there he was the cute and might i say very handsome young man standing right before me I was lost for words my mouth went dry all of a sudden I didn’t know what to do I just froze my heart started to beat my hands started to sweat I was just making a fool of myself Infront of the boy I adore oh so much!  I was soon knocked out of my spiraling thoughts when I heard his gentle and caring voice speak out to me.

“Are you alright (Y/N)? You look pale!  You're not getting sick, are you?” Abel looked at me with a worried expression which made me want to melt to the floor, I simply shook my head and let out a small laugh scratching the back of my neck before giving him a simple response.

“Oh no no!  I’m not sick!  I-I was flying and I'm not really used to flying since I always prefer to walk, and I guess my wings started to cramp up...”

Abel tilted his head at me before letting out a soft chuckle. “Oh! I do remember you telling me that you're not really into flying and that walking is the way to go!  But why fly if you don’t like it so much?”

I felt defeated knowing I had to be honest with him. There were only a few minutes left till midnight. I gave my arm a sheepish little rub... Before looking him in the eyes, his beautiful golden eyes my cheeks turned light pink before I took the courage and shoved the Teddy bear, Chocolates and Flowers into his arms.

“I-I didn’t know how to say this before… While you were surrounded by the other woman...  But h-happy Valentine's Day Abel...  I-I’ve had a crush on you for quite some time... And I didn’t know how to tell you I know it’s late and that valentine's day is almost over, but I made the teddy bear myself. It's a little you as a stuffed bear....  I also made the chocolates, well they were made a while ago, but they were still homemade! A-and the flowers... Well, those I 'borrowed’ from my friend's flower bed...” I scratched the back of my neck as I said the last bit.  I grew a bit scared however he didn’t say anything back, does he not like them!  Does he prefer bought things over homemade!  I wanted to hyperventilate so badly but then I heard soft little sobs coming from him. I was confused as I looked over in his direction and saw him hugging the gifts I gave to him.

“A-Abel..  Are you ok?  I-if you don’t like them, I can take them back...” I was a bit concerned about why he was crying…  Maybe I should’ve tried harder... I was about to walk away ashamed, but I was stopped. He rushed into my back giving me a tight squeeze. I let out a shocked yelp as he let out a small chuckle wiping his tears away.

“I’m crying because this is the most thoughtful thing someone has ever done for me; you went out of your way to actually make all of these!  I’m impressed!  Especially the little bear!  It's me!  Thank you (Y/N)! This is the best Valentine's Day.” He gave me another squeeze as I let out a sigh of relief happy that he didn’t hate any of it I was about to say my goodbyes before I was once again stopped by Abel, I was confused and was about to ask him that I should get home before it gets even more late but before I could speak I was silenced by a sweet kiss my eyes went wide and before I could ask him what that was fore he let out a small little laugh like he always does and vanished inside his home, I stood there in shock wide eyed and stunned I touched my lips where his once were, my once cold lips felt warm in the chilly night my cheeks growing red before heading on my way into the cold night

Enjoy the stories here! I'll be working on Alastor's, Lucifers, and Sir pentious stories in the when I wake up, but I managed to finish up these ones and decided to post them before heading off to bed :3 (tumblr wouldn't let me post this on my laptop idk why but i do hope you enjoy)

[faneliansficaloh]

A Lifetime of Happiness

(Ch 1) (Ch 2) (Ch 3) (Ch 4) (Ch 5) (Ch 6) (Ch 7) (Ch 8) (Ch 9) (Ch 10) (Ch 11)

This is Chapter 12

Notes

----------

5th January 1818

Dear Colin,

Your letter was lovely, as short as it was. You have always had a way with words. Your mind seems to have so many things to express that the English language has not been enough and you have branched out in every other language imaginable. I do not know anyone else who has learned so many foreign languages out of sheer curiosity as you have. And it has served you so well in life, after all. I bet Anthony is no longer questioning the expense on tutors.

I do long for fair weather as it has been very cold and snow has been incessant. The sun does not seem to carry enough warmth during the day to offer any relief, so we have been cooped up inside. Except for the short trip to the Christmas party at Eyhurst place which is only three miles or so away, as the Hylton’s were kind enough to invite us all to join them. It seems strange how the weather can change so abruptly. We wouldn’t be able to make the short trip today, with the kind of snowfall we have. It was nowhere near this deep last week.

Children, of course do not seem to care for such things as the weather, they carry on trying to figure out the world, causing chaos in their attempts to understand it all through their senses. How soon in life we forget how wondrous everything in the world truly is; how ineffable the miracle of existence itself, and yet We simply cease at some point to even consider it, then we even dare to be bored when we are to be kept indoors for too long.

Then again, curiosity serves no purpose if one has no means to satisfy it, which might be why we cease to wonder, and why very few others go to such great lengths to find answers on behalf of all of us.

How mundane my letters may seem to you, talking about the weather and little else.

Yours truly, Penelope.

1815 – A Different kind of blue

Only Portia had agreed to attend the Reed’s poetry soiree with Penelope, as it was a sacrifice well worth enduring for the sake of increasing her daughter’s chances at securing a husband. The night consisted of the Reed girls and some selected guests reciting poetry to a mostly glassy eyed audience, although the most Poetically inclined were prone to be genuinely enthralled, particularly a Mr. Gainsborough who was courting the eldest Miss Reed, Laura.

Portia’s sacrifice was not in vain, though, as she noticed that Lord Debling was in attendance and the competition was scarce. Notably the Cowpers were absent, which was a relief since Cressida had been trying to gain the man’s attention at every other event in the last weeks, limiting the opportunities for any significant exchanges. She blessed her daughter’s forethought.

In reality, the reason Penelope had insisted on attending was that she rather liked Louisa Reed, the youngest sister, and she did want to support her so she would not be too disappointed by the low attendance and, of course, maybe she could get some gossip in return – She expected Mr. Gainsborough to make his proposal that night.

“Are you enjoying your evening, Miss Featheringon?” Lord Debling approached her during an interlude, having gone out to look for the refreshments in the adjoining room.

She bowed before answering “Some parts of it more than the others my Lord, I must confess”

He looked at her with curiosity. “Do you not enjoy poetry?”

“I do, occasionally, though I much prefer prose”

“And what kind of prose do you favour?”

“I enjoy all types of books, I love learning about the world and its facts, but I am partial to romance novels” She said, shyly, as if confessing to some mischief.

“But not love poems?” he said indicating towards the small stage where the latest occupant had recited a rather long and exultant piece of romantic poetry. She looked at him as if he were mad.

“This particular example had too much fire and burning for my taste. It sounds all rather grand and glorious but also a bit… violent; it makes me wonder whether such feeling can be truly everlasting. After all, if all one does is burn, sooner or later we’ll end up mere ashes swept by the wind” He seemed to consider her words carefully and after a pause started reciting, slowly, trying to recall the words correctly, as his memory seemed to be a bit tenuous.

“Love seeketh not itself to please

Nor for itself hath any care,

But for another gives its ease,

And builds a Heaven in Hell’s… despair?”

“William Blake? I didn’t take you for a poetry enthusiast.” She smiled, evidently pleased.

“Why else would I be at a poetry reading?” He looked at her with great warmth in his eyes. Was he flirting with her?

“For the pastries?” She said with a shrug as she gestured towards the table with the little treats on display. They both laughed softly “So, do you think me too innocent in my views or do I merely remind you of a clod of clay?” She liked his laugh at this remark, it was very warm and afterwards it left him with a kind smile that brightened his pale blue eyes.

“I do not find fault in innocence and I do not confuse it with want of understanding; All types of ignorance can be remedied if necessary, whereas there is no cure that I’m aware of for simple-mindedness”

“So you do believe me too innocent, then?” she said with a playful smile.

“The world can do with a little more innocence and candour. I find you extremely clever, Miss Featherington, and whereas I may need to make use of others’ words, you are very eloquent on your own.”

“Eloquent? Heavens, not at all!” She shook her head but in truth she seemed to refuse the idea with her whole body “I get so nervous making new acquaintances I can hardly get a sentence out without embarrassing myself. You’re just flattering me!” She said teasingly, but she found his eyes fixed on her face with a tenderness that made her blush.

“Is that so?” And she realized she had been most at ease carrying on in conversation for a good two minutes with this man and had not yet made a fool of herself. Yet.

“You may inquiry with other lords and ladies and they will tell you as much. There is a reason why I keep to the wall, out of trouble.”

“How fortunate then that I caught you out of your hiding spot” His eyes fixed intensely on hers and even though she felt her face burning, she decided to hold his gaze.

“How fortunate indeed” He smiled and broke the stare as he sipped from his cup. “So, what is your hiding spot?”

“I don’t think I have one.” He seemed confused.

“And yet you haven’t been seen mingling in our society for so long” He nodded, catching her meaning

“I’ve been hiding in Surrey, for the most part, but I travel frequently for my work.” She knew already that he was a naturalist and had dedicated a great deal of effort to the study of birds and their preservation.

“I don’t believe I know anyone in Surrey” she said after considering it for a bit.

“That might have been the intention of my father when he moved us there. But it is a wonderful place to live if one, as I do, loves nature”

“I must confess I am not an out of doors kind of person. I rather read a book and look at nature through a window”

“Perhaps you have not been presented with the right landscape to tempt you” The assessing look that he gave her made her involuntarily flutter her lashes.

“I have not travelled much, so you might be entirely right on that”

“I think you might like Surrey.” This was the first time she had seen him smirk, and she was caught by surprise when it made her heart race.

All her newfound confidence was drained, she did not know how to respond to that “I… I’ll have to look into it, then” her little nervous laugh dissonant in her own ears.

“Oh, it seems the interlude is ending, Miss Reed is taking to the stage. May I escort you back to your seat?”

“Of course!” And as she put her hand on his arm, he put his other hand on top of hers for a second, before starting to walk. She couldn’t explain it, but she suddenly felt victorious.

Lady Danbury approached Lady Featherington as they both looked at the couple from the front of the room. “You are welcome!”

“I dare say it does seem we might be in your debt, Lady Danbury” She said with a single raised eyebrow and delighted smile

“Oh, I would like to take full credit, but the truth is he asked for the introduction himself, so the credit is mostly your daughter’s. Regardless, don’t forget to invite me to the wedding.”

Portia felt a kind of pride for Penelope, but she also felt the bite of remorse at having doubted her own daughter’s ability to capture a man’s attention before. She just hadn’t thought that she was ready. If only Archibald hadn’t pushed to have all three girls out at once in his sudden rush to unload them elsewhere, she would have allowed Penelope all the time she wanted until she felt ready, as it was clear she was now. It would have spared her so much pain in the past two years, Portia thought, if they had waited for her debut. The important thing was she was doing splendidly well now.

***

The next day was a cloudy but still bright, crisp one so many people were out promenading at Hyde park, along the Serpentine. Penelope was walking slightly behind her mother, her sisters and their husbands when Eloise approached them to take her away, which she accepted most gladly. So the two of them, followed by their lady’s maids set forth in the opposite direction.

“Mama is worried that with you focused on marrying this season, I might grow despondent and end up all alone in a corner talking to myself” She laughed “So she’s urging me to make other friends, can you believe that?”

“Oh, so we’re promenading for friends now,?” Penelope teased, but added more sincerely “I don’t think it is a bad idea, El. But they must be lesser friends, I cannot bear to be entirely replaced by any other”

“But you do not hesitate ditching me for a husband!”

“It is hardly the same thing, Eloise!” Eloise Laughed

“I know.” She retorted appeasingly “You’ve been warned, though, so do not be very shocked if I suddenly develop an interest in knitting or flower arranging”

“As long as you don’t start droning on about the secret language of flowers!”

“Ugh, Never!”

“You’re not making a serious effort in finding new friends, though, there were no Bridgertons to be seen last night at the Reed’s Poetic soiree. I think you might enjoy Louisa, she’s rather clever.”

“Louisa Reed? Did you really sit through the entire thing at the Reed’s last night? Was it dreadful?” Said Eloise with evident dislike at the prospect of attending a poetry reading.“Even mama gladly let us skip this one”

“I did endure the whole thing, like the brave little soldier I am. But it wasn’t entirely terrible. I had a chance to talk with Lord Debling during the interlude and he stayed beside me the rest of the night” She said, with glee.

Eloise scrunched her face in distaste “I keep forgetting you’re fully committed to the marriage bit now” She shuddered “How did that go? Isn’t he a complete bore?”

“Not at all. I find him surprisingly easy to talk to, in fact. It may be because he hasn’t been around to see me blundering through the marriage mart for the last two years”

“Well, it’s not like he’s incredibly popular either, despite how much of a catch every mama seems to think him. But – what on earth did you talk about?” She knew very well Penelope was not exactly an outdoors person, much less a nature enthusiast, which was mostly what she knew the man to be notably interested in, himself.

“Poetry, mostly” Eloise rolled her eyes “He asked me what I thought about the poem that Miss Stratham had just recited. I thought it was too violently romantic, he recalled a verse from Blake and I teased him that he thought me too innocent”

“Oh. Was it… was it the clod and the stone thing?” She asked after thinking about it for a bit.

“Pebble” Penelope corrected, a bit pedantically Eloise thought “yes! I was the clod, apparently. Very apt. But then he said he found me eloquent, can you believe that?”

“Well, maybe he’s on to you, Pen. He might want you to confess to your covert operation”

“He doesn’t even read Whistledown!”

“And you still like him?” She said with exaggerated incredulity, to tease her.

“Yes, I do like him, actually.” She sounded surprised herself “and I think the fact that he doesn’t read it has rather played in my favour so far.”

“You might have a point. You have not painted yourself in a very good light I’m afraid”

“I just report what people say” Eloise rolled her eyes, there was no conviction Penelope held more dear than that of her own deficiencies being much greater than anyone else thought them to be “Anyway, how did you spend the evening? What are you reading now?”

“Oh, it warms my heart that you know me so well. I was reading. You’ll be very proud of me for it was a novel, actually.”

“A novel? Ah! Did you switch to more popular material to have an easier time making friends?” Penelope teased.

“I think you would enjoy this one, Pen, it’s about—Oh my god” She halted in place and extended her arm to stop Penelope as well “We talked so much about him that we’ve conjured him. He’s here, and he’s coming this way”

“Oh, he is” Penelope confirmed, seeing Lord Debling was walking in their direction, and then something caught the corner of her eye as well “But of course, Cressida is all but running this way too”

“Miss Featherington, Miss Bridgerton, good afternoon!”

Eloise quickly whispered to Penelope “You will have to repay me dearly for this. Do not ever dare to doubt my friendship” Then excused herself to both of them and hastily walked to intercept Cressida.

“Miss Cowper! I’ve been dying to talk to you about the lovely lace you sported at last week’s recital, you must walk with me and tell me all about it” She proclaimed loudly and was all smile, which threw Cressida off for a moment, but it was enough, Debling had already offered his arm to Penelope and they were walking the other way.

“Do not think I don’t know you’ve done this to help your little friend” Cressida spat out in a low hiss.

“So, what is new in lace? I simply must know” Eloise replied, since she realized now that Penelope had walked away, she had been left alone and might as well carry on with the bit before rejoining her family. Besides, she enjoyed confusing Cressida. It was harmless teasing, really, compared with the cruel things Cressida had done herself to other young ladies.

“Excuse me, Eloise, but I do not have time for this game of yours”

“Whatever can you mean?”

“Look, you might not consider yourself a part of the marriage mart, but there are those of us who must take it seriously. Not all of us have the Bridgerton family to fall onto” She was completely serious and there was an urgent tone to her voice, almost, no, entirely hurt. Then she bowed her head a bit and made her way.

Eloise was left considering Cressida’s words, because they sounded eerily familiar. Hadn’t Penelope said something along those lines to her before? She often wondered how her siblings could be so very oblivious to evident truths in front of them, and now she had to question if there was a truth she was failing to see herself. The fact that it was Cressida Cowper out of all people that had her questioning herself upset her more that she would like to admit.

Meanwhile, Penelope was walking arm in arm with Lord Debling, raising eyebrows along the way. Her next edition was writing itself with each step and it might end up being another positive one for her.

“Very well, why don’t you tell me about your family?” After they had exchanged pleasantries and remarks about the weather, he had offered to escort her back to her family and said they should probably talk about something else, and since in their previous encounters so far they had already discussed a little about his work, her past times and both their education, she decided on family.

“I do have a sister, Rosalind – Mrs. Rosalind Brighby, that is, who lives with her husband in Devonshire, her daughters are all married now with the exception of the youngest one, Margaret, her fourth. And my grandfather – My mother’s father- is still alive and well but he lives in Shropshire. We never frequented my father’s side of the family so I do not have much contact with any of them.”

“Does your sister visit often?” She could not remember having heard of a lady of her name.

“Only on business, I’m afraid. We were never very close. She is thirteen years older than I am so we didn’t have much time together to get properly acquainted. She was married off by the time I was five. Is that very odd, that we are not close?”

“I suppose not. Even though there is no such large an age difference between us, my sisters aren’t very kind to me.” She noticed his concerned mien and clarified “They mock me relentlessly because of my peculiarities”

He nodded in understanding “Being different than the rest requires courage, specially when it is one’s own family that one diverts from. In my case, I believe I might have been much closer with my younger sister, Cassandra, but unfortunately she did not live to the age of ten herself. I had just been sent to Shrewsbury, and then Mother did not stay very long with us after.”

“Oh, I am deeply sorry to hear that” She imagined he had probably struggled with that loss for quite some time, having been so great and at such a young age.

He had a contemplative look, not really sadness.“Oh, it’s been almost twenty years, so I have had time to come to terms with it” She liked his serenity, there didn’t seem to be any kind of tortured thoughts clouding his eyes, which reminded her of clear water. Beware of still waters she thought, but she now really wanted to know their depth.

“My father passed two years ago. I still think about him sometimes as if he were merely out and bound to come home at any moment” Maybe it was because he was never around much, so it didn’t seem to make much difference in her day to day, she mused, but she found it an appalling thought to share out loud.

“I know exactly what you mean. It is perhaps, that to us, people live partly on our minds – on our memories of them. If I wasn’t aware of his having passed, I could very well believe my own father to be sitting at his desk at this very moment, just as I always remember him, even though he left us eight years ago.”

“Do you ever feel the same way about your mother? I just wonder if the sensation ever passes”

He gave it some thought “Not as much the sensation of expecting her to show up, but it is still thinking of her as being somewhere and being… well. I will be reminded of her by the smell of jasmine from time to time”

She let a soft chuckle out “For me it’s the smell of tobacco, which is so much less pleasant than jasmine” Penelope almost felt compelled to tell him that it was actually a combination of tobacco and brandy, and how his father had gambled them into ruin and had been found dead in the worst part of town, poisoned. But she was not supposed to know most of that, and why would she disclose something so scandalous to a potential suitor, anyway? He was simply easy to talk to. “I’m sorry, I seem to have steered the conversation towards the lugubrious” She added.

“I appreciate you not shying away from serious topics. It’s added depth to my perception of you”

“As long as that perception is not of someone very dull or joyless” she said, with a contrite expression.

“Not at all, I assure you”

“Good, because I do love to laugh.” She said looking at him sideways, with an arched brow and a lopsided smile.

He smiled as he considered “Is there anyone who doesn’t?”

“I shouldn’t say this but..” She looked around to tell him in an attitude of uttermost secrecy “Have you met Lord Cowper?”

“I have!” He nodded vigorously and laughed so openly that it made her proud. Making him, such a serious looking gentleman burst with laughter felt like an accomplishment of its own. She also liked how he looked almost boyish when he laughed like that.

They had caught up to her family, so after a brief greeting, he said goodbye

“Could I call on you tomorrow, Miss Featherington?”

“You’ll be most welcome my Lord”

“Until tomorrow, then” And with a bow, he walked away as her family looked marvelled at the interaction.

“Looks like our little sister has managed to get herself a proper suitor!” Prudence said as soon as he was far enough not to hear them.

“It had to be the odd one that likes to eat grass”

“He doesn’t eat grass, Phillipa, he eats normal vegetables” Penelope said as she rolled her eyes at her sister.

“Still weird” she replied with a grimace.

“Girls, girls, he may be an eccentric, but he’s also a very wealthy baron and a very fine catch, so you may stop your teasing and start being more supportive of your sister.” Prudence scoffed. “Both of you! All of you should be in your best behaviour to ensure Penelope’s success”

“He is also a very accomplished man, but I dare say he would be a very lucky one to have our Penelope’s favour as well” Offered Albion, with a sweet smile directed at his little sister in law.

“Thank you for your contribution, Mr. Finch!” Portia said more to stop the talking than out of true gratitude. “We better go home now, before it starts raining on us”

The sky had indeed closed up with grey clouds, but to Penelope it just seemed a different kind of blue.

***

Mrs. Varley came into the drawing room, looking incredibly excited to announce the caller who was in to see the young miss Featherington that morning.

“Lord Debling is here to call on miss Penelope, Ma’am”

“Well, Bring him in, Varley!” Portia commanded as she got up, straightened her skirts and herself and sent a reprimanding nod to Penelope to do the same, as apparently her daughter’s back was not straight enough to her liking.

“Good morning, Lady Featherington, miss Featherington”

“Good morning, my Lord”

“Lord Debling, it’s so good to see you. Please, do come in, take a seat” She motioned for the sofa near the fireplace, where Penelope had been sitting.

“Thank you, my Lady” He had on his hands a beautiful bouquet of multicoloured daisies and a book. “These are for you, miss Featherington, I hope they are to your liking” He said, depositing the flowers on her hands and expectantly surveying her face for a reaction. Portia went to sit on the settee by the window.

Penelope was delighted to receive her very own bouquet of flowers. She had seen innumerable arrangements come for Marina, and even both of her sisters had gotten flowers from their now husbands, and this was the first one to ever be hers. “Thank you! I’ve always thought daisies are the friendliest flowers and these are particularly beautiful”

“Not as beautiful as you, but as flowers go, they are my favourite and as I’ve yet to learn which ones you prefer, I thought them a good choice.”

Her eyelashes batted furiously at the compliment, she felt the blush spread through to her ears.“Why are they your favourite?” She motioned with her hand for him to sit down while she put the flowers on the side table, with the care one would put a baby on their crib.

“Beyond their beauty, they’re strong, resilient and straightforward.”He ended with a little shrug, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

“Straightforward? I don’t think I have heard that said about a flower before” She sat down across him

“They are not hiding anything the way roses or gardenias do among their more complex petals. Daisies are upfront, one might say”

“The honesty of daisies versus the concealment of roses” she declared. “You do have the eye of a poet, my Lord”

“Speaking of which” He stood up and sat next to her “I’ve also brought this offering.” He extended the book he had been holding onto.

“The Excursion” She read the title out loud “Wordsworth?”

“I thought you might like it. It is poetry but it is not the burning love type that you so dislike” he said with a cheeky smile.

She chuckled “Thank you. I do enjoy Wordsworth’s penchant for nature, and it makes perfect sense to me that you favour his writing.”

“Good. That means you might think of me when you read it.” Penelope coughed to disguise a nervous chuckle.”Are you well?”

“Quite, thank you”

Even Portia, who had been listening intently to every word, could not help but blush herself and was grateful for the interruption of Mrs. Varley and a maid bringing in the tea service.

They had tea and continued conversing about books, places, history, and cherished childhood memories. The time flew by and it was agreed that he would visit the next day.

On his second visit they talked about theatre and the opera, music of course and by the end of it, he kissed her hand before leaving. On his third visit they strolled through the garden and they talked about the birds he loved to study, she informed him how some people gave the flowers secret meanings that were no secret to anyone, they discussed how society caused the need for such codes to be developed. They even touched on politics and found they did not agree on everything, but nothing they could not compromise on.

In every visit Penelope learned something new about him and she could say with certain pride, that he listened to her with as much attention. She could see in his expression the desire to understand her. He was never condescending and seemed to value what she had to say, even if he disagreed with her.

She felt heard. And sometimes, even if she was quick to dismiss it, beautiful.

Chapter 13

[foundtherightwords]

As the Sun Will Rise - Chapter 9

Pairing: Grunauer (Overlord) x OFC, Beauty & the Beast retelling

Summary: After losing most of his unit in a disastrous D-Day mission, Derwin Grunauer returns to his hometown near Miami, body riddled with scars and heart heavy with guilt, only to find his neighbors shunning him due to his German name. He retreats into his family mansion and remains there, unwilling to rejoin the living, until the day Alba Reyes turns up at his door with a basket full of warm bread. As the daughter of a Cuban immigrant, Alba knows something of being an outsider, and when she offers to work for Derwin as his housekeeper, it is not only to pay off her father's debt to the Grunauers, but also because she feels some connection to the reclusive young man. When that connection develops into something more, they must overcome both the town's prejudice and their own doubts to find happiness.

Chapter warnings: none

Chapter word count: 3.3k

Chapter 1 - Chapter 2 - Chapter 3 - Chapter 4 - Chapter 5 - Chapter 6 - Chapter 7 - Chapter 8

Chapter 9

Derwin walked along the winding lane that snaked through the swamp, still muddy from the flood but passable. As he walked slowly, letting his leg rest when it needed, he tried to think of what he was going to say to Alba. I'm sorry for shouting at you. I was wrong. You're the best thing that's ever happened to me. I miss you. Otto misses you. Please come back. Too sappy? I'm sorry for losing my temper. I don't dislike your presence. Would you consider coming back? Too formal? I'm sorry. Would you please come back? Too short? I'm sorry for—I'm sorry—sorry—

The September sun was beating down relentlessly, making it impossible for him to think, and his leg, unaccustomed to the long walk, started to feel like it was coming apart at the joints. Sweat poured down his face; he wiped it off with a sleeve and continued. Soon, he had to direct all his energy into simply putting one foot in front of the other. More than once he thought about turning back and just calling the bakery, but then he put his hand into his pocket and touched the note there, and the thought of it—the thought of her—pushed him on. Though the walk was only three mile, it must have taken him at least two hours because he had to stop so often. By the time he stumbled into La Perla del Sur Bakery, he still hadn't come up with anything other than I'm sorry, but he no longer cared. He was only glad to have reached his destination.  

It was almost lunchtime, and the bakery was filled with the delicious smells of hot sandwiches coming off the griddle. There was a line of people at the counter, shouting about wanting extra pickles, no salami, or more olive salad with their sandwiches. The little bell above the door chimed as he walked in. A few heads turned toward him. Derwin stood awkwardly at the door, aware of his muddy shoes and sweaty face and general unkemptness. He couldn't see Alba anywhere and wasn't sure if he should just walk up to the counter or wait in line for his turn. This was a scenario he hadn't prepared for. He decided to wait.

A shorter version of Alba—this must be her sister, Beatriz—was taking orders. He could see why most people would think Beatriz was the prettier one. However, there was something in the way she moved and talked and smiled that was a little too self-conscious, almost stilted, like she knew exactly how pretty she was and what effect she had on others. For his part, Derwin preferred Alba's effortless way.

"Hola, welcome to La Perla del Sur," Beatriz said brightly when he came up to the counter. "What can I get you today?"

"Um," said Derwin. "I'm here to—I want to—may I—can I speak to your sister?" he mumbled.

Beatriz frowned and leaned closer. "I'm sorry, I didn't catch that. What do you need?"

Derwin cleared his throat. "I'd like to speak to your sister, please," he said.

The frown deepened, and Beatriz tipped her head to one side in the exact same way as Alba. "And you are—?"

"Derwin Grunauer," he whispered. Beatriz's eyes, of a paler green than Alba's, widened. A hush fell over the bakery. He could hear people murmuring behind him. His heart started hammering in his chest. What were they going to do to him? Would they kick him out? Would they continue to stare at him in silent suspicion like his fellow soldiers, or would they shout at him and push him like those schoolyard bullies? And would Alba come to his rescue this time?

She did. Beatriz turned toward the door behind the counter, but before she could call out, Alba emerged, carrying a tray of freshly baked bread on her hip with one hand and pushing her hair under her headscarf in that familiar gesture with the other. The sight of her almost made Derwin sag with relief.

Alba paused upon seeing him. He thought he could see a flash of something in her eyes—surprise, or perhaps even joy—but it was gone in an instant, replaced by a blank look.

"What are you doing here?" she asked, setting the tray of bread down.

Derwin took a breath, but it wasn't as deep as he would've liked. "I want to talk to you. I'm sorry about—about—I'm sorry—" His throat felt stuck. He swallowed, trying to moisten it, but to no avail. The sweat now pouring down his back had less to do with the three-mile walk he'd just made and more with the crowd surrounding him, their eyes boring into him, full of curiosity and distrust.  

At that moment, a stocky man with gray hair and a gray mustache—Mr. Reyes, no doubt—shouldered his way out of the same room Alba had just come from. He barked something in Spanish at his daughters, and then he saw Derwin and stopped. "Can I help you, young man?" he said, in accented English.

Derwin opened his mouth, but no words came out. His hand started to shake. Alba saw and took pity on him.

"Papi, this is Mr. Grunauer," she said.

Mr. Reyes's eyebrows went up. He went around the counter and grabbed Derwin's hand in his calloused palm. "Forgive me, I didn't recognize you," he said. "I haven't seen you since you were little." This was news to Derwin. He didn't realize he'd met Mr. Reyes before. It must have been at the house. If he had been to the bakery, he would've remembered it, surely—with its colorful posters of Cuba scenes and statues of Cuban saints on the walls and the display case of birthday cakes, all looking like elaborate pastel-colored castles, the bakery was difficult to forget. Mr. Reyes was pumping Derwin's hand, not noticing the deer-in-the-headlight expression on his face. "What can we do for you?" Mr. Reyes asked.

"He's here to talk to me, Papi," Alba said through gritted teeth. Then to Derwin, "Do you want to go around the back?"

"Alba!" bellowed Mr. Reyes. "Where are your manners? Invite him to the living room upstairs!"

Rolling her eyes, Alba said, "Si, Papi," and beckoned Derwin to a side door. He followed her, painfully aware that Mr. Reyes, Beatriz, and all the customers were watching them like some sort of live theater performance. The door opened into a cramped hallway with an iron staircase leading to the second floor. "Are you OK climbing the stairs?" Alba asked. He could only nod.

Alba brought him into an apartment on top of the bakery, small but light and airy. Derwin self-consciously wiped his muddy shoes on the doormat before entering a living room furnished with simple cane chairs, darkened with age, a coffee table adorned with fresh flowers, and family photos on the walls.

"Please sit down," Alba said. Derwin sank into one of the chairs with a groan.

Alba stood watching him. "You OK?" she asked stiffly.

"Yes, thank you. Just not used to... getting out, that's all."

"Did you walk all the way here?" He nodded. She looked appalled. "You left Otto home alone?!" she asked.

He was annoyed that she cared more about Otto's well-being than his own, but he answered anyway. "Well, I thought about bringing him along, but I was afraid people would be even less amiable if they saw me with him," he said honestly. "He's fine. He was snoring in the sunroom when I left."

His breath and his heartbeats were slowly returning to normal, but the languorous fan on the ceiling did little to dry his sweat. He dabbed a sleeve on his forehead, hoping that the circles of sweat under his arms weren't too noticeable. Alba went into the small kitchen next to the living room and came out with a pot of coffee, some cookies, and a clean washcloth that had just been run under a tap. Without a word, she handed him the washcloth and put the coffee and cookies in front of him. Derwin took the washcloth gratefully and wiped the sweat off his face, relishing its coolness on his skin. "Ojos de angel?" he asked, pointing at the cookies.

She smiled at him, a genuine smile. "You remember?"

"Of course. It's not every day that you get to name a cookie, is it?"

"They've been flying off the shelf, thanks to you." She sat down across from him, her smile turning wry as she watched him stuff his mouth. "I hope you weren't starved to death while I was gone," she said.

Derwin blushed and forced himself to slow down. "Give me a little credit, please," he said. "My sandwiches are just as good as yours." Not really.

Her smile widened a little. "I'm glad to hear that."

Silence stretched between them. Derwin cleared his throat, turning his head to avoid Alba's expectant gaze. His eyes fell on two photos set on a side table, one of a woman with Alba's eyes and Alba's smile, and the other of a young man in an AAF uniform in front of a P-40 Warhawk. There was also a little vase of flowers in front of the photos, which gave the whole setup the look of a shrine. The sight of the fighter plane sent a shudder through Derwin, and he turned back to Alba.

"Who are they?" he asked, indicating the photos.

"My mother, and my brother Rafael."

"He's a pilot?"

"Was." Alba's voice was muted. "He was killed in the Pacific."

"I'm so sorry," said Derwin.

Alba shrugged, as if to say that it no longer mattered. "The money my father borrowed from yours was supposed to be for Raf, you know," she said. "Papi wanted to open a new bakery on South Beach and let Raf run it. But then Raf died."

A needle pricked at Derwin's conscience. Yes, a debt was a debt, and he wasn't even charging them any interest, but he couldn't help feeling like he was making a profit off someone's grief somehow. "My mom was going to open a bookshop here," he said, indicating the building. "But with her health, she never got around to it." He sighed. "I guess we're all living someone else's lost dream."

"That's a rather bleak way of looking at things," said Alba. "I prefer to think they've laid the foundation for us to build our own dreams."

Silence fell again as Derwin contemplated her words. And he realized he hadn't made the trek into town just because he missed her cooking or her cleaning or even her smile. It was also because she always tried to see the brighter side of things, and he needed that in his life. He still hadn't come up with anything other than I'm sorry, and he'd never been good at the improvisation writing exercise in college, but he knew he could delay this no longer.

"Listen, Alba," he began. "I'm sorry—I'm really sorry for snapping at you the other day." As far as beginnings go, it was rather prosaic, but it managed to soften Alba's hard stare. Encouraged, he continued, "I was trying to prove that I could do things myself, but it's clear that I can't. I didn't mean to offend you. It's just that... I've been on my own for so long that I've forgotten how to live with another person." It was the truth, he knew that now. "But I'm grateful to you for everything you've done for me." He took a deep breath. "So would you please come back? And not just until the debt is paid off. I mean... come back to stay."

Alba looked at him more closely. "You mean to work as your housekeeper permanently?"

He hadn't planned to make such an offer, but now that he'd said it, Derwin realized this was exactly what he wanted. To have her around, not just for another year or two, but for as long as he could. "Yes," he said. "I'll pay you properly too. Fifty dollars a week. What do you say?"

She was quiet for a long time, chewing on her bottom lip with an unreadable expression. Finally, she lifted her eyes to his face again. "That's very generous," she said. "But I have to refuse."

Derwin's heart plummeted. "Why?!"

"I'm not planning to be a housekeeper forever," she said slowly.

Of course. How selfish and thoughtless he'd been. Who would want to slave away cooking for him and cleaning after him for the rest of her life? She had a future ahead of her; she would want other things, perhaps to run the bakery, or to keep her own house. There was no place for him in that future.

Derwin slumped in his seat, dejected. Alba studied him for a moment or two before sitting up, apparently having made up her mind.

"Tell you what," she said. "I will come back to finish my contract." A spark of hope bloomed in Derwin's heart. "You don't have to pay me more, but I have some conditions."

"Which are...?" he asked, wary.

"One, you agree to let me bring in someone to fix the roof."

"OK."

"And two, when I go into town, you go with me."

"What? Why?"

"What are you going to do once the debt is paid off?" she asked. "Hire someone else?"

Already the thought of having someone else here, in her place, was unbearable. He shook his head. "No, I don't think so."

"See, this way, you can live on your own after I leave. You'll still have to get someone to come in to help out, maybe once a week or so, but you can do everything else."

After I leave. She said it so matter-of-factly, yet those words stung. Though he'd always known it, it still hurt to realize she'd never planned to stay. After all, this was just a job for her, a transaction. He was quiet, torn between wanting to spend as much time with her as possible and wanting to ask her to leave here and now, to avoid the pain of separation, which he knew would only be worse the longer she stayed.

"And what are we going to do when we're in town?" he asked.

"Oh, the usual. Running errands, going shopping, things like that. So you'll see it's not that scary out there. You said it yourself, you've been alone for too long. Here's your chance to be around more people. Yes, they can be mean, but for the most part, they're just minding their business. You don't have to be afraid of them. "

It was on the tip of his tongue to protest, I'm not afraid of them! But it wouldn't be true. And if he agreed to this, she would come back... for now at least.

"We'll go slow first, I promise," she said, mistaking his silence for trepidation.

He nodded. "I guess I can do that."

She extended a hand toward him. "You've got a deal, Grunauer," she said. Derwin took her hand in his own and squeezed it gently. At the touch of her hand and the sight of her bright smile, the spark of hope inside him, despite his desperate attempt to quench it, flared to life again.

***

Alba kept glancing at Derwin as she drove him home in the bakery's old truck. The coffee and cookies seemed to have revived him, and he was no longer deathly pale like when he'd arrived. Silly, silly boy. An apology from him and she would've come back in a heartbeat; there was no need for him to walk all the way into town and nearly kill himself in the process. She had almost yelled at him for that. In the confusion of feelings—surprise, alarm, pity, and fierce, absurd joy—that rushed through her when she'd first seen him standing in the bakery, swaying like he were about to collapse, she'd latched on to anger, because it was the safest, the most familiar. But it was hard to stay angry when he was looking at her with those puppy dog eyes and begging her to come back. It was true that she had been a little annoyed when he offered to take her on permanently—as if she was good for nothing else but housekeeping!—but she'd reminded herself that his intentions were pure, and held her tongue.

She didn't know why she'd made him promise to accompany her into town. She'd only said it to make it seem like she hadn't given in too easily, to prove to him that her coming back had nothing to do with his offer of more money. And it was true that she didn't want him to look like he was facing a firing squad every time he had to be out in public. Why did she care, though? If he wanted to shut himself away in his crumbling house, it was no skin off her back. She told herself that she didn't want another incident where he exploded at her at the smallest provocation and sometimes no provocation at all, and the way to ensure it didn't happen again was to make him interact with more people. But she couldn't deny that a not-so-small part of her took certain relish at the thought of spending more time with him, looking forward to it even...

She glanced at Derwin again. He caught her eyes and smiled, showing the dimples on his cheeks despite the scar. At the sight of those dimples, her heart fluttered, and Alba gave it a swift kick. Go back to beating normally, you ridiculous thing!

"I think the first order of business is for you to learn how to drive," she said, turning her attention back to the road. "You think you can manage it with your leg?"

"I'm sure it won't be a problem."

"Good. These old cars are so reliable anyway, a baby can drive them. You'll learn in no time."

Derwin hesitated. "Would you teach me how to cook as well?" he asked.

Alba thought she'd heard him wrong. "You want to learn how to cook?" Other than her father and Frank, she didn't know any man who would willingly set foot in a kitchen. Marty, Claudia's husband, could barely boil an egg. And even Papi was in the kitchen to bake, to make a living, not to cook. Cooking was women's business.

He shrugged. "It's a useful skill."

"But I don't know how to make American food."

Another shrug. "I don't mind. American food is boring anyway. I much prefer Cuban food."

How could she say no to that? "All right," she said. "So driving lessons and cooking lessons. We're going to stay busy."

They shared a smile, and this time, when her heart fluttered at his dimples again, Alba let it be.

As she pulled up to the front porch, Derwin turned to her. "Would you like to come in?" he said. "Otto would love to see you."

"No, he'll just be confused when I have to leave again. I'll see him tomorrow."

Derwin nodded and started getting out of the truck.

"Derwin?" she called after him.

He turned back. "Yes?"

"Why did you have to walk all the way into town to talk to me? You could've called."

"I know." He paused, as if weighing his words. "But I wanted to see you," he said simply, giving her another one of his little smiles before limping into the house.

Alba sat back in the driver's seat, turning over those words in her mind. He wanted to see her. He wanted to see her. He wanted to see her. She wondered how such a simple phrase could hold so much meaning. Then, with a grin, she turned the truck around and drove home, already counting the hours until she could return to the house, to the garden, and to him.

Chapter 10

Taglist: @kitkat80

[insaneintheemembraneowo]

it's not paranoia if they're really out to get you.

**please read!**

hi there, this is my first time publishing a long fanfic on tumblr. updates will be a lot slower here as i like to post longer chapters on tumblr (at least 1-5 chapters need to be written before posting to tumblr) just as a personal preference. that means updates will take a lot longer here than other platforms so please follow me on wattpad or ao3 if you'd like to support me more or read this book faster. find me at @ insaneintheemembrane thanks!

in which a burnt-out detective/vigilante meets the ninjas.

a trans-fem!reader with spiderman? powers x ninjago boys & girls.

slow updates

i will make a male and gender netural version of this book if its wanted! please check out my profile for other books,

posted books; > into the fog (fem!reader x dbd) - only ao3 and wattpad atm > its not paranoia if theyr're really out to get you (fem!reader x ninjago) - all platforms

upcoming books; > teen by day, wicca by night (fem!reader x twilight) > fight for me (sodapop curtis x fem!reader x steve randle)

chapter 1 & 2

A/N: the timeline is fucked and I've added my own parts to spice up the plot so it isn't similar to other fanfics. i do attempt to stick somewhat to the order of things though. please excuse the spacing, this was copied to multiple sites from notion.

warnings: mentions of blood & violence, swearing words: 1906

chapter 1

i didn't know where i was going or why i even the station, i just needed to get out, needed to do something, anything else. nothing made sense, my thoughts were irrational and i wasn't stable enough for this case. i needed to hand it to someone else, but i couldn't, people were counting on me to solve it.

i'm amazing at cases, this is what ive always wanted to do, what i've dreamed of, so why couldn't i? when it mattered and when it counted why couldn't i solve a singular case? what was wrong with me, why was my brain acting like this? god, it felt like my brain was running at 100 miles per hour.

i kept walking, turning different ways when i felt like it. eventually i came to a tea store. outside was a huge poster for fresh tea and pastries on a discounted price for the winter.

'yes' i thought, 'exactly what i need.'

i walked into the store and was immediately greeted by the smell of an intrusive citrus tea. it flooded my senses and slowed my brain down almost instantly.

"hello dear, something i can help you with?" a calming voice asked.

i spun around to see an older lady, she had grey hair and kind green eyes. she was wearing a light coat of well applied makeup and was smiling at me while holding a cup of tea (which seemed to be the culprit of my relaxation.)

"i, uh, i saw the uhm." i tried to explain using my finger to point toward the window, but my eyes were very obviously glued to the cup of magic the woman was holding.

she followed my gaze and lightly chuckled. "you like the smell of this tea? its ours new brand of organic lemon balm tea, otherwise know as melissa. It increases GABA activity, meaning it's a fantastic choice for calming you down andddd getting to sleep at night!" "sounds just like what i need."

i look from the cup to the shelves, they are covered in hundreds of boxes of tea, ranging from all different colours and types. on the shelves behind the counter sit at least 200 different teapots.

"well lucky for you we have an offer on this type of tea, as its new. 2 boxes for £15. although you do need a good teapot to brew this kind of tea to a high standard. so for an extra £15 ill through in a teapot as well." she responded, putting down her teacup, grabbing two boxes of the tea from the shelves and walking behind the counter to select a teapot.

this woman moved fast, i hadn't even said i wanted it yet.

"right okay, £30 sure." i nodded approaching the counter.

as the woman turned back around she knocked the shelf causing one level to fall. without thinking id hopped over the counter and caught the shelf before it could cause any real damage.

fuck!

"oh woah, those are some… fast reflexes. and your quite strong too. hm" the woman said stepping back putting the teapot she had selected for me on the counter. she then turned round and looked me up and down.

i propped the shelf back up and sighed nervously.

"aha, yeah well, i am a detective so quick reflexes and all."

"sure sure, whatever you say, just seemed a little… unnatural is all." she responded with a smile.

i walked back round the counter, pulling my purse out of my oversized winter jacket. it was like this woman could see right through me. read me like a book - as cringey as that sounds. i pulled out three 10s and handed them too her. she bagged up my things and handed then to me.

"have a nice evening and come again!"

"thank you."

i spun around making a b-line for the door, 'freedom!' i thought, right before the door opened in front of me and i crashed into the stranger that had walked through.

"woah! sorry about that, wasn't expecting you to come through." i said apologetically, regaining balance.

i looked at the guy in front of me, he was solid and hadn't even wobbled when i bumped into him. he had fiery brown hair, gelled up into stupid spikes. he had beautiful light brown eyes, but they were currently looking cold and sharp right at me.

"watch where you're going next time." he half-shouted.

i scoffed, looking at him in disbelief. i was being kind and apologising! what was this assholes problem?

"kai! don't be rude to customers." the woman that had served me said from behind.he rolled his eyes walking off to the back grumbling about something. the woman started to say something but id already walked out, fuming.

like my shitty day could get any worse, not only am i in a slump at work, i nearly exposed my powers to the tea lady AND that guy was unnecessarily rude.

i angrily walked back to the station and set my tea down in the locker room. i ignored everyone's confused looks and sat back at my desk, head in hands.

chapter 2

blood dripped down my face and onto my vigilante suit, not like i wasn't already covered in snake juices and blood but it was still an inconvenience. i had been on my way home from work when i heard cries down an alleyway. a group of snakes had stolen a baby. very original.

i dipped into the alley, stashed my bag and tea in an old bin and changed into my suit, before saving the baby. i fought of the serpentine and found the mother a few streets down crying out for her lost child. a few of the slimy bastards got away so i tracked them through the city, to the sewers. it was some kind of hive for all the serpentine clans too meet. how freaky.

that's when i saw them, the ninja. the most irritating men you will ever come across.

4 arrogant, cocky, colourful men in pyjamas. they call themselves ninjas but fail to do the simplest of tasks, not to mention they are always in my way. they believe in no killing unless absolutely necessary, i believe some people just aren't worth keeping around and that not every life is worth saving.

it's fair to say we don't see eye to eye.

they were all here, trying to fight off the serpentine horde and (to my misery) winning. this place must be important because they were all here blue, red, black and… pink? since when was there a pink ninja? what happened to the white one?

i saw the one in black get knocked down and decided to be his knight in shining armour. i pulled down my hood and used my webs to swing myself into the fight. i grabbed the snake on top of the black ninja with my webs and flung him into a wall. the ninja on the ground looked up at me and nodded, swiftly getting off of the ground, rushing back into the fight.

i rolled my eyes, although he couldn't see that. we continued fighting until the serpentine were dead, tied up or knocked out. i'd been scratched a few times but nothing serious. most of the blood on me wasn't mine, not that you could tell whose blood is what anyway, a certain breed of these filthy things exploded into blue goo when it died. extremely gross. there were only a few stragglers left, but i thought that the Pyjama Men could handle them on their own - they were big, scary ninjas after all. i turned on my heel, prepared to leave, when i heard a scream behind me. i looked over my shoulder to see the pink (white?) ninja being lifted up by his neck. the thing lifting him was grotesque; it was like a hybrid snake. it was bigger, stronger, and covered in markings, and metal.

the remaining ninjas rushed to aid their friend, while i took care of the less powerful serpentine who were trying to assist the hybrid. dealing with the remaining serpentine was easy, and i dispatched them quickly while the others did their best to help their icy companion.

the poor guy was choking and struggling as his teammates desperately tried to get the thing off of him, attacking them with everything they had. their golden weapons, powers and strength didn't work so i helped out and tried my best to strike the hybrid with my weapon. nothing worked and the thing just shrugged us off or threw us back. i eventually got fed up and webbed the guy's hands up, he dropped the icy ninja to try and get the webs off. the fire ninja grabbed the ice ninja and we all ran out of there while we still could. there was no point fighting something so strong, especially since we were very under-prepared. plus i could sense that the ninja still weren't my biggest fans even after i just saved them.

we ran out of the sewers and hid in an alleyway. i lifted the bottom part of my mask, revealing my mouth and gasped for air. it stunk in the sewer and i appreciated the fresh air. part of my hair fell out of the mask along with it.

"are you a girl?!" exclaimed the blue lightning ninja.

"i thought that was obvious?" i responded, looking his way.

"not to me."

"it was obvious, you're just a dumbass jay." the earth ninja said rolling his eyes while checking on his injured friend.

"your name is jay?" i asked.

"oh for fucks sake cole!" the red one exclaimed.

"and yours is cole?"

"shut up you two!" the injured white one shouted, his voice sounding croaky and sore. "she knows too much about our identities now, we will have to take her to master wuu."

"yeah good idea. besides, we still need to discuss whatever that monster was." the red one replied nodding, a hint of disgust in his voice toward the end.

"im not going anywhere with you lot." i started backing up, they came toward me and i turned around and bolted.