#though anyone who has looked at my blog in the past month already knows who I'm talking about.

[running-in-the-dark]

a super fun thing that my brain is really good at is hearing a random fact and remembering it forever. but only if it's bad :)

[fireinmoonshot]

death wish love | tyler owens x fem!reader

Pairing: Tyler Owens x Fem!Reader Summary: As members of rival storm chasing groups, you and Tyler Owens have hated each other since the start – well, you were supposed to. Little do you know, Tyler has been head over heels for you for months, and it's only when he nearly loses you that he realises he's done with pretending to hate you. Warnings: Descriptions of injuries, mentions of blood, tornadoes (of course), Tyler is actually painfully obvious with his crush but thinks he's not at all. Word Count: 6.7k (I don't know how that happened) A/N: I had this idea for a fic a few days ago and when I was listening to the Twisters soundtrack as I wrote, I realised that the song Death Wish Love fits it perfectly. I did not intend for this to be so long, but it somehow just happened. It's probably one of the longest things I've written on this blog, so I hope anyone that reads it really enjoys it. I had so much fun writing it and playing around in the Twisters universe! I will definitely be writing more for Tyler.

One of these days, Tyler Owens was going to get his shit together and ask you out. There were, however, several things in the way. The most pressing being the fact that your storm chasing groups were rivals and had been for years.

The fact that you hated his guts would be the second. 

He was unaware that you didn’t hate him quite as much as you made out to, though. It was just that you had a reputation to uphold. Being the unofficial leader of The Thunder Team, your friends and fellow storm chasers all expected you to dislike the Tornado Wranglers just as much as they did.

And you had – in the start. 

You were just beginning your PhD, fairly fresh in the world of storm chasing and the rivalry between your teams had been there from the very beginning. To your team, the Tornado Wranglers were nothing more than a bunch of stupid kids who didn’t even have the correct knowledge to be chasing these tornadoes.

To you, they had slowly become something of a wonder. You didn’t think it was necessary to have a PhD or education under your belt in order to storm chase. As long as you loved it, that was enough. And you never doubted the love that the Tornado Wranglers had for it. 

But still, the rivalry continued. It was always a competition. Who could get to the tornado first? Who could get closer? Who had better instincts when it came to choosing which one to chase? Who could get more attention on social media with their photos and videos?

The Tornado Wranglers had an advantage on that one.

That never stopped your team trying, though. Which is exactly what they’re doing as you walk towards them from where you’ve just parked your car. They’re all crowded around the van in the motel parking lot. Robbie, one of your closest friends, is filming Ally talking about something, probably regarding the EF1 tornado you’d chased today. 

You stop far enough away that you aren’t going to end up in the background of the video, and that’s when Tyler Owens sidles up beside you, arms crossed over his chest.

“Not interested in going viral?”

You glance up at him and notice he’s already looking at you with a cocky grin on his irritatingly handsome face. “No, figured I’d leave that to you and your team. Shoot any fireworks up a tornado today? I didn’t see you out there.”

“I didn’t realise you were looking.” 

There’s something strange in his tone of voice, but when you look at him again, there’s nothing in his face to give away the reason. 

“I wasn’t,” you huff. “It’s just that I see your giant red truck everywhere when I’m trying to get good photos of the tornadoes and it’s quite obvious when you’re not there.” 

Tyler smiles to himself. “Why don’t you come chasing with us one day, then? My truck won’t end up in your photos if you’re taking photos from inside it.”

You laugh. “That is the last thing I would want to do.” A lie. You’ve thought about it several times in the past.

“Sure, sure. You keep telling yourself that and one day you might actually believe it.”

You narrow your eyes at him but make no move to walk away from him. Your team are still filming and you’d rather stay away until they’re finished, even if it means standing with Tyler Owens until they are. 

“You guys gonna stop by the rodeo tomorrow night?” Tyler breaks the silence. 

You shrug your shoulders. “Depends on how tomorrow goes. You?”

He nods. “Yeah, we probably will, even if tomorrow doesn’t go to plan. You know my team. We love a night out.”

The weather tomorrow was predicted to be a good one for storm chasers – thunderstorms with heavy rain and likely a tornado as well, if the conditions were good enough. You were all hoping that they were. 

“My guys are less likely to go if they know your team is going, you know?” You look at Tyler, noticing the way that he’s watching your team, who are now laughing at something that Ally had said for the video. “We are still rivals.” 

“Did you think I needed a reminder?” He chuckles.

“Why? Am I being too nice to you?”

Tyler grins, one of those ones that makes you feel a little funny in your stomach. Like butterflies – but you don’t get butterflies from people you dislike. 

“Oh, darlin', you’re always a delight.”

You roll your eyes. “Want me to get you a shovel so you can start digging yourself a hole?” 

He holds up his hands in mock surrender and laughs. “Sorry, sorry,” he grins. “You wanna grab one for yourself so you can help me? I’d love the company.”

You open your mouth to reply about how much you’d love to help just as you catch Robbie’s eye. He’s quick to call out your name, beckoning you over, and you have no choice but to listen to him and leave Tyler. You’ve already stood here talking to him long enough and the last thing you want is your team thinking that you’re colluding with the Tornado Wranglers. 

“Gotta go,” you nod your head towards your group. “Good luck tomorrow.”

Tyler bids you good luck as well and watches as you head over towards your group, all of them eyeing him as you reach them. He tips his hat at Robbie, who is watching him with judging eyes, and turns on his heel, heading back to his own team to get a well needed beer.

—

When Tyler gets back to his team, he realises that they were all watching him. They all give him questioning looks as he grabs a beer out of the cooler. 

“What? I got something on my face?”

“Yeah, it sure is written all over your face,” Boone says.

Tyler frowns. “What is?”

“Oh, don’t try and lie to us, Ty,” Dani adds.

He shakes his head and takes a seat on one of the fold up chairs beside his truck. He’s smart enough to see what they’re getting at – the way he’d been there talking with you for so long. His friends are smart too. But hopefully not smart enough to see through the facade Tyler puts up to try and convince them that he still dislikes you. 

“Her, Ty? Really? She’s from the Thunder Team.” Boone stares Tyler down.

Tyler has no choice. “Okay, no,” he sighs and takes a long swig of his beer. “We were just talking, and I was just messing around with her.” He was also trying to get the courage to ask you to the rodeo, just the two of you, but he’d chickened out at the last second. “She definitely still hates us, judging by her reaction.”

Truth is, Tyler Owens has been harbouring a secret crush on you for the better part of a year now. It had snuck up on him. He’d hated you at first, thought you were just another stuck up storm chasing student, especially when he found out you were studying for your PhD. But after spending so much time around you, something had changed and all of a sudden, you had a hold over him that you didn’t even realise you had. 

It drives Tyler insane. 

The way he feels when he looks at you is definitely not the way he should be feeling about anyone, letalone the leader of a rival storm chasing team. But here he is. 

The passion he’d seen in your eyes when you’d been chasing storms. The way you talked about them in your captions on social media when you posted photos you’d taken. Even the way you made time to learn more about them through school while being on the road so often.

He was well aware that he was supposed to hate you. And yet, he couldn’t find it in himself to do it anymore.

“You sure that’s all it was?” 

“A hundred percent, Boone.”

He’s thankful when the conversation moves away from you and the Thunder Team. It lets him sit in his own thoughts for a few minutes until he’ll undoubtedly be brought back into the conversation for one reason or another. 

He’s unable to stop his eyes from drifting over to you and your team. You’ve taken a seat on the back of a truck, watching safely from behind the camera as Robbie films Ally again. He tries hard not to smile at the look on your face as you watch your friends, laughing along with the others. The last thing he needs right now is for one of his team to catch him grinning at you like an idiot, especially after convincing them that there’s nothing going on.  

He realises, then, that he’s already in way too deep.

—

The last thing you expect when you wake up the next morning is to find out that your team made a bet with the Tornado Wranglers when you had gone to bed. 

It’d been raining for most of the night, the ground covered in mud and puddles. The sky was dark and you could just feel that the conditions were perfect for a tornado. You had a good feeling that today would be the day.

Until you learnt about the bet.

“I knew I shouldn’t have left you guys alone.”

Robbie laughs, nearly choking on the piece of bacon he’d been eating. You’ve all come to a nearby diner to fuel up on both food and gas for your cars before what was supposed to be a long day of storm chasing. You have a feeling that it won’t be now that the bet exists.

“Okay, technically it was their fault,” Ally offers.

“Explain.”

“So, we’d had a few drinks, and they had clearly also been drinking, and Harry and I were heading over to the bathrooms to clean up before going to bed – because dental hygiene is important!” Ally begins, forgetting all about her half eaten plate of food. “We were almost there when they called out to us – I forget their names. The blond guy and the one with the mustache, the cute one. Anyway, they suggested a bet. Whoever could hold their liquor the best gets to choose which direction the other team chases in today.”

You stare at Ally. “And you said yes.”

She winces, and then shovels a fork full of eggs into her mouth, nodding so she doesn’t have to give you a proper answer. 

Your team is usually quite well behaved. But even the best of people could get taken advantage of, and you’ve seen it many times first hand with the Tornado Wranglers.  They can hold their liquor very well and wake up the next day with very little consequences from doing so. You’re honestly surprised Ally is even functioning. Harry, on the other hand, you haven’t seen all morning. Unsurprisingly, your team had obviously lost.

“Which direction are we going, then?”

“That’s the catch,” Robbie interjects. “They choose for us before we go. They get to look at the radar first and decide which way is going to be best. And naturally, they’re going to send us in the direction far away from the best chance.” 

You groan and let your head fall into your hands, beginning to ponder your options. You can either deal with the bet and get sent in the entirely wrong direction, or…

Without a second thought, you’re pushing yourself up from the table and heading towards the door of the diner.

“Where are you going!?” Robbie calls after you.

“I’m going to fix this mess!” 

—

Tyler greets you with a smile that is way too cheerful for both the time of the morning that it is and the situation.

“To what do I owe the pleasure on this fine morning, darlin'?” He asks, leaning up against his truck. He’s holding a coffee in one hand. Good to know he’s human. You’re not surprised that he doesn’t look hungover at all. The man practically resembles a God. 

“Wouldn’t call it a pleasure, honey,” you sigh, deciding to use a nickname just like he always uses for you. You cross your arms over your chest as you stop in front of him. “This bet you made with my team last night. I want it called off.”

Tyler’s breath catches in his throat at the sound of the word honey coming out of your mouth, directed at him. He clears his throat, trying to ignore the way it feels to hear you calling him that. “No can do, I’m afraid. We Tornado Wranglers don’t back down on bets.” 

You narrow your eyes at him. “I’m asking nicely.”

“I think you can ask a little nicer. Maybe throw a please in there,” he says. “You know it wouldn’t look good for your team, though, right? Half the other teams know about the bet.”

For a few moments, you simply just stare at him, hoping he’ll budge. He doesn’t. He stands there staring at you, too, leaning against his truck in an effortlessly attractive way, smiling at you in that same way he always does. It’s like he reserves this specific smile just for you. 

You take a step towards him, testing the waters, and notice the way his breath hitches this time at your close proximity. Did he dislike you that much that you getting this close to him set him on edge? Or was it something else?

“Nothing can change your mind?”

Tyler shakes his head. “I already told you. We don’t back down on our bets.”

“Tyler.” It’s a rare occasion where you call him by his first name, but you figure it can’t hurt to try it. You can see his eyes soften a little at the sound of it. “If you do this, you’re going to send us right off the trail and ruin our chase.”

“Who said I’d send you in the wrong direction?” 

“I’m smarter than you give me credit for.”

“I don’t know, darlin'. I give you a fair bit of credit for being a genius,” he took a sip of his coffee. “You’re the one with the PhD. I didn’t study that much.”

Something about hearing those words sets off that feeling inside your stomach again. You push it down. “I don’t have my PhD yet.”

“No,” Tyler shakes his head. “But you’re close, aren’t you? That’s more than most people around here can say regarding their education on these things.” He points a finger towards the sky, which is rapidly darkening. 

You sigh. He’s right about that. You are close to finishing your PhD, and not many of the other storm chasers around you could say the same. 

“Just tell me which direction we’re going in, Owens.”

He looks at you for a moment. “I’ll give you a choice,” he says, and for a moment hope sparks in your chest that you’ll get to choose your direction – until he continues speaking. “I’ll let this bet go if you make another one with me.”

“What sort of bet?” You cross your arms over your chest.

“Not regarding our teams. Just you and me.”

You’re about to respond when you hear the sound of the van, playing music rather loudly – Harry’s choice – pulling into the motel parking lot behind you. You sigh and turn around to look at them, irritated that this is the second time in less than 24 hours that they’ve interrupted you and Tyler. 

“No luck?” Ally calls out from the passenger seat. 

Behind them, Robbie pulls up in his truck. 

You shake your head and turn back around to face Tyler. There’s no time to make another bet with him now that your team is here and they’re all ready to go. 

“East or west, Owens?”

Tyler turns around and looks at the sky around you. You figure he’s already done his research on the conditions in every direction and that he’s just messing with you, pretending to decide on the spot. Any good storm chaser would have been watching the radars all morning – which you had been, before you found out about the bet. 

“East.” He says, turning back around to face you. “There are two possible formations, so let’s see which one develops. Or, you can ditch your team and come join us for the day. My passenger seat practically has your name on it, darlin’.” 

A small part of you finds yourself wanting to say yes to him. To tell him that you’d love nothing more than to get in his truck and see what a day with the Tornado Wranglers is like. But the reasonable part of you wins out. 

“You’re going to regret making this bet with my team, Owens,” you take a step back from him, giving him his space again. 

“I gave you the choice of another option, but you didn’t take it.”

You ignore him and turn around, heading towards the passenger side of Robbie’s truck – your usual spot when storm chasing. Tyler laughs at your reaction and then gets into his own truck before pressing his hand to the horn, making you jump at the sound, obviously using it to call his team from inside. You shoot him a look over your shoulder and in return, he sends a wink your way.

“May the best team win,” Tyler flashes a grin.

“Oh, we will!”

—

As much as Tyler hates to admit it, he had sent you in the wrong direction. There were two possible formations, that was true. But it looked very clear that the one to the east wasn’t actually going to develop into anything, and he was sure you would’ve figured that out once you got on the road and actually checked the conditions yourself.

He hates disappointing you. He saw the look on your face as you tried to convince him to call off the bet, the way you wanted to make sure today was a good one for your team. But it isn’t entirely out of competition that he sent you in the wrong direction.

Subconsciously, he did it to try and keep you safe.

If you’re out of the way of the tornado, then it’s a weight off of Tyler’s chest. He wouldn’t admit that to his team, but it felt good to think about himself. That you’d be safe. Besides, he had tried to get you out of it by making another bet with you, but he knew that you wouldn’t humour him the second he saw your team arrive. 

He presses his foot down on the accelerator, watching the clouds ahead of them. Something is going to form. He knows it. He just hopes it’s a good one, something worth chasing. 

In the passenger seat, Boone is keeping a good eye on the clouds to the east. He’s filming as well, live streaming as usual. 

“You were right, Ty,” Boone says, pointing the camera out the window towards the east. “That one’s gonna give us nothing. It’s already disappearing.”

Tyler lets out a breath of relief. You’re out of harms way and even though he knows you’d be annoyed at him if you ever found out, he can’t seem to find it in himself to feel bad about the fact. He had felt bad about the bet when you’d been talking to him, but now he realises that keeping the bet was a good idea.

“This one’s gonna be a good one, I can feel it,” he says, eyeing the clouds above them. 

Then, it happens – the tornado forms right in front of them. It’s already huge, bigger than any tornado Tyler has seen in the past few months.

Boone whoops in the seat beside him, moving the camera to film the tornado through the windshield. 

“Just look at that beauty!” He exclaims. 

Tyler can’t keep the smile off of his face as they drive closer to it. He stops the car once they get close enough, anchoring it to the ground as usual, watching as it gets closer and closer to the truck. 

“Oh, this is gonna be fun,” Tyler yells, straight to the camera that Boone is holding in his face. “Let’s do this!”

It’s only a split second later that his heart drops to his stomach. He watches as the tornado, once coming right towards them, veers off course. It’s heading east. And it’s growing in size. 

He looks out of the passenger window and in the distance, he can see your truck. It’s white, so bright under the dark sky. You’re going to be right in its path.

He sent you in the wrong direction to try and get you out of harms way, and instead he’s sent you in the exact direction the tornado is heading. There’s no way you can get out of its path in time. 

Tyler suddenly feels like he can barely breathe.

“Turn the camera off, Boone,” he commands, and then he’s removing the anchors from the ground and pressing his foot down onto the accelerator before he can even really think about it, even though there’s no way he can reach you in time with how quickly the tornado is moving towards you.

Boone, thankfully, listens, ending the stream, putting the camera down and picking up the radio to try and reach you. He’s realised what’s happening. Tyler tries to ignore the panic he feels when there’s no answer.

He can’t lose you like this. Not now. Not when he never really even had you. Not when you didn’t even know the way he felt about you. He’d been an asshole, a fool, making that bet. If he hadn’t, none of this would have happened.

“Please be okay, please be okay.” He mutters it under his breath like it’s a mantra. He doesn’t care what Boone thinks. If he says it enough, maybe he can make it come true.

—

You’ve seen tornadoes before. You’ve been close to them before. But you’ve never had one quite this size coming straight at you. You hadn’t expected this. 

When Tyler sent you east, Robbie had checked the radar and noticed that the cells out here were much less likely to form a tornado compared to the ones west. You’d gone anyway, figuring you’d try your chances, leaving Ally, Harry and the rest of your team a little further back, trying to get as close as you could before you realised your tornado was going to amount to nothing at all.

You and Robbie had been watching the tornado forming west of you, wishing you had been able to chase that one rather than do what the Tornado Wranglers told you. 

And then, it changed course.

“Get out of the car! We need to run!” Robbie undoes his seatbelt as he speaks and it doesn’t take you long to follow suit, undoing your own and jumping out of the truck.

He takes off at a run ahead of you just as the rain begins.

Your heart is beating faster in your chest than you think it ever has before. Your legs burn at the pace you’re running, your feet sinking into and skidding through the muddy paddock thanks to the heavy rain last night and the rain growing even heavier now. It slows you down, but your adrenaline pushes you faster. You can’t stop, not now. Not when there’s a possible EF4 on your tail, getting closer to you with every breath you take.

You make a mistake, then, deciding to look back at it. 

The sight of it only makes you run faster, but when you turn back, fear strikes through your system as you realise you can’t see Robbie anymore. 

The wind isn’t strong enough to have pulled him back into it, not when he was running ahead of you, but you can’t help but think of the worst possible scenario as your gaze narrows in on a gully just ahead of you. Maybe he made it there before you and now he’s just waiting.

The wind from the tornado picks up trees and branches and other debris, sending things spinning through the air. You feel something slice across your leg and cry out at the sudden pain, but there’s no time to inspect the damage as you slide down the small hill into the gully, the mud going everywhere as you hit the bottom. 

You don’t even have time to scan for Robbie as you press yourself down onto the ground of the gully, covering your head with your hands and pressing your face into the ground. You try to ignore the feeling of the mud and dirt on your skin, the throbbing pain in your leg, the rain pelting down on your back, soaking you to the bone, and try to keep breathing steadily despite being out of breath from the run and the adrenaline. 

You can’t panic now. If you panic now, you’re dead. 

The tornado gets closer and you can hear it. Hear the wind rushing through the air, hear the sound of trees being ripped out of the ground. Hear the crashing sound of the truck being picked up and thrown by it. 

Everything is okay,  you tell yourself, like a mantra. Everything is going to be okay. Because if you tell yourself enough, maybe it will come true.

—

By the time Tyler gets to the place where your truck had been, the tornado is gone and so is your truck. He barely even has time to put his own truck into park before he’s jumping out of it and calling your name. 

Boone is quick to follow him.

Tyler’s eyes narrow in on something in the distance – the remnants of your truck. It’s sitting upside down, the cab crushed in and all the glass broken. Even some of the wheels are missing. His heart almost stops.

No, you would have been smart enough to get out. You wouldn’t have stayed in the truck. He knows that. He believes that. It was one of the first things any storm chaser learnt – never stay in your car, it’s better to take your chances outside of it.

He stops in the middle of the field and takes a long, deep breath to try and calm himself down when he hears the sound of someone yelling out.

“Hey, I need some help over here!”

It’s a male voice, not belonging to you, which is the first sign that makes Tyler realise something is wrong. He recognises Robbie immediately, even though he’s drenched in rain and covered in mud and blood.

Boone runs off towards him and Tyler follows.

“Where is she?” He cuts in as Boone begins asking Robbie where he’s been hurt. “Were you with her? Where is she?” 

He knows he’s being a little irrational. He should be kinder, especially when he’s the reason Robbie was even in this tornado in the first place, but his mind is narrowed in on you, on making sure you’re okay. He’s never been more terrified that he’s lost you in his life.

“I don’t know,” Robbie shakes his head. “She was behind me, and then I jumped down into this little dam and she never came in after me.” 

Tyler doesn’t let him say anything else before he takes off running. He knows Boone can handle Robbie. His only concern is finding you. He calls out your name again and again and again, willing you to respond to just one of them.

He only hears silence.

—

The second you wake up, you push yourself up, getting your face out of the mud and opening your eyes, trying to adjust them to the sudden brightness now that the tornado has disappeared. 

You’re vaguely aware of the sound of someone calling out your name, but it sounds fuzzy, far away. Your head is spinning and you’re pretty sure you could be imagining it.

You put a hand up to the side of your face, feeling the sticky sensation of blood on your hands. Something must have hit your head and knocked you out during the tornado. You can only remember something hitting your leg as you’d slid down into the gully. How long have you been lying here? Minutes? Hours? Days, even?

Looking around, you can see the devastation caused by the tornado. There are trees and branches everywhere, and with the rain, it’s made it even muddier – and probably impossible to climb out of, especially with your injuries. You finally allow yourself to inspect your leg, noticing a deep cut across your shin, ripping your jeans. Your leg starts to throb as you finally allow yourself to recognise the pain. 

With a deep breath, you try and push yourself to your feet. It’s slippery down here thanks to all the mud and rain, and you manage to stand for just a second before your leg buckles and sends you crashing back down. At least it’s a fairly soft landing.

You curse under your breath just as you hear movement above you. Your eyes flicker towards the direction of the sound, and when you see Tyler Owens appear at the edge of the gully just to the right of you, you nearly feel like you could cry.

“Tyler!” You manage to call out to him, though your voice is weak.

His head spins towards your voice, eyes widening as he sees you. You must look like a mess, covered in all the blood and dirt, but you knows he doesn’t care. Especially with the way he slides down into the gully and stumbles towards you, getting covered in mud himself in the process.

“Are you okay? Are you hurt?” He falls to his knees in front of you, his hands moving to cup your cheeks and move your head from side to side. He’s quick to check the wound on your head where the blood is coming from. “You’re okay, darlin’, it doesn’t look too deep.”

You can see the panic in his eyes as he scans you, scans your whole body looking for injuries. You can also tell from the look on his face when he looks at your shin that your injury there is worrisome. 

“It’s my fault,” Tyler shakes his head, refusing to move his hands from your cheeks. It’s as if you’ll fade away if he lets go. “I shouldn’t have told you to go east. I was just trying to get you out of the way of the tornado cause I felt that yours wasn’t gonna develop, but then ours changed course and it was heading straight towards you and I couldn’t get here fast enough and god, the idea of losing you, of never seeing you again, of never asking–”

“Tyler!” 

He stops talking, having not even realised that he had let the situation get the better of him and had been rambling on. When he meets your eyes, you’re shocked to see that there are tears in his. 

“You never call me by my first name.”

“I didn’t think I’d be able to get your attention if I didn’t.”

Your reach up and take one of his hands off of your face and weave your fingers between his. You don’t really know what you’re doing, exactly, but all you know is you need to comfort him. That and you’re shaking like a leaf and the feeling of holding his hand is like an anchor to the world. A reminder that you’re alive. 

“I’m still here, Tyler. I’m all right.”

“You’re not,” he shakes his head. “You’re hurt, and it’s because of me–”

You take him by surprise as you reach up and place your own hand on his cheek. It’s only when you touch his face that you remember your hand is covered in blood and mud, but when you try and take it away, Tyler places his hand over the top of it. His eyes flutter closed and he lets out a long breath that feels to you that it’s something like relief.

The two of you stay there like that for what feels like an eternity but is really just a few minutes, soaking in the feeling of each others skin and coming to terms with the realisation that you’re alive. 

“It’s not your fault, Tyler,” you mutter softly. “You couldn’t have known that tornado was going to change course and head straight for us. Just because that bet ended up landing us in the path of a probable EF4 doesn’t mean you’re the one to blame for it. I don’t blame you.”

He blinks his eyes open and stares at yours for a moment. 

“Now, what were you saying about asking me something?” You try to change the subject.

There’s a look of something in Tyler’s eyes that you can’t quite place, but it drops off of his face instantly at your words and he lets out an awkward laugh. “I don’t think now’s the right time, darlin’,” he says. “Some other time, when you’re not bleeding and injured. We need to get you out of here and to a hospital.”

You shake your head, ignoring the fact that the movement makes you a little dizzy. “I could have just died and I would have never known what it is you wanted to ask me. So I want to know what it is right now.” You’re surprised at how strong your voice sounds, even though you don’t feel strong at all right now.

Tyler sighs and you can see by the look on his face that he’s giving in to you. “I was trying to get the courage to ask you out, was trying last night actually but I chickened out. You can be quite intimidating sometimes, you know that?”

For a moment, you just stare at Tyler. 

“I thought I was the one who hit my head. Did you hit yours too?”

He lets out a soft laugh. “Something like that.”

“You need another reminder that we’re supposed to hate each other?”

Tyler shakes his head. “I think I’ve had enough reminders to last me a lifetime. But I’m done with pretending to hate you. With trying to convince my team that I dislike you so much. I know they know the truth. It doesn’t matter, even though you can’t stand me.” 

You meet Tyler’s eyes and in them, you can see that he’s telling the truth. He doesn’t hate you, nor dislike you, nor anything similar. With the way he’s looking at you, the way he was calling your name, the way he panicked so much when he thought you were seriously hurt… he really was trying to ask you out. Just the thought of it makes that feeling rise in your stomach again, and for the first time you recognise the feeling for what it truly is – butterflies. You don’t get butterflies from people you hate.

“I don’t hate you, Tyler.”

You can see the surprise flash across his eyes.

“You don’t hate me?”

“You annoy the hell out of me and you drive me insane sometimes. But no. You fascinate me, and you make me laugh, and even though every member of my team hates you and your stupid red truck, I’ve always wondered what it’d be like to be in the passenger seat with you, driving head first into a tornado, and I nearly said yes when you asked me earlier.”

Tyler chuckles. “My truck is not stupid.”

“Does your passenger seat really have my name on it?”

“Embroidered it myself.”

You laugh, then, a real, full laugh, and Tyler can’t help but laugh as well at the absurdity of the situation. You’ve just survived a devastating tornado, you’re injured in more ways than one, Tyler Owens has just told you he likes you and you’ve come to the realisation that you like the fact that he does. And maybe, you like him a little bit too.

“We’re not gonna make it to that rodeo tonight, are we?” You ask, once the laughs subside.

Tyler shakes his head. “Rain check for the next one?”

“That’s how you’re asking me out?”

He doesn’t get a chance to reply before you both hear your names being called and look up just as Boone and Robbie appear at the top of the gully. Tyler turns around to look at them. They look relieved to have found you both, and you feel just as relieved to see that Robbie is alive and well, only a little battered just like you are. Even if you’re a little disappointed that your moment with Tyler was interrupted. It seems that happens more often than not lately.

“Is she okay?” Boone asks Tyler.

He nods. “Yeah, but she’s injured. We’re gonna need a hand out of here.”

“We got you,” Boone says.

—

“So, when are you asking me out properly, Owens?” You ask.

It’s been a week since the tornado and a week since you found out that Tyler Owens had been wanting to ask you out for months. Boone had stayed true to his word that day, using a rope and Tyler’s truck to pull you both up out of the gully.

Tyler had barely left your side since – even in the truck ride to the hospital. He usually hated letting anyone drive his truck other than himself, but that day he’d thrown the keys to Boone so he didn’t have to take any of his attention off of you. He’d stayed with you in the hospital as well, even when the rest of your team turned up to check on you and Robbie.

You were surprised at how quickly your teams had dropped their rivalry after the tornado. They’d clearly seen the way you and Tyler acted around each other, how things had changed after the tornado, even though both of you refused to give them details on what had happened when Tyler had found you in the gully. 

It was something both of you were glad for.

“You can’t just ask me that,” Tyler says, kicking his legs up on the desk in the small motel room. Luckily, he’d taken off his muddy boots when he’d come inside to check on you. He had insisted you go back home to recover from your leg injury, but you’d refused. 

“I can’t?” You ask from your spot on the bed, resting your leg up on some pillows. It had luckily not been too bad of an injury, just a reasonably deep cut that needed stitching and wrapping. You still had to be careful not to rip the stitches, which meant no storm chasing and only resting for the time being. 

Tyler nods. “You made me admit the truth to you while we were both covered in mud and blood in the bottom of a wet, muddy gully. I’m not going to ask you out while you’re sitting on a motel room bed with an injured leg and stitches in your forehead. I’m classier than that.”

You snort. “You, classy?”

“From time to time,” he shrugs a shoulder.

You jokingly roll your eyes at him. “I’ll believe it when I see it. You know, you never actually explained what the other bet you wanted to make with me that day was. Was that something to do with asking me out as well?”

Tyler’s face broke out into a grin. “Maybe.”

“Of course,” you can’t help but laugh at the silly look on his face. “Are you at least going to ask me before I get swept up in another tornado?”

“Darlin’,” Tyler stands up and crosses the room until he’s standing right beside you. One of his hands reaches down and picks up yours, weaving his fingers in-between yours. “If you get swept up in a tornado, I’m going to be right beside you. I’m gonna be beside you for as long as you let me. For as long as I get. As long as I get, okay?”

He repeats it like a mantra. Because if he says it enough, he’s certain it will come true.

[myslutwritings]

Hey! I've been reading your blog and I'm really interested in your writing. I would like to ask if you could do the upper moons with a reader with a background like Mitsuri's? As if after rejection the reader became super ashamed of their appearance and their body. Take as much time as you need to write this, I just wanted to send my idea before I forget it <3

-🎀

hey, love! of course i’ll do your request. goodness, this request was in my inbox for a few months so my apologies for responding so late!! (˃̣̣̥⌓˂̣̣̥)

➤ Uppermoons with a partner who has Mitsuri’s backstory

[ not proof read btw ]

➤ summary: reader is insecure

➤ characters included: muzan, kokushibo, douma & akaza!

➤ WARNING: semi-nsfw + violence.

MUZAN KIBUTSUJI

first off.. how dare you-

yeah, okay, he’s GONNA take major offense to say at the very least..

likeeee hellooooo???

i mean, you’re MUZAN’S partner. you somehow pulled the king of demons? like look at you!! (unspoken rizz🤫..)

we all know this man has a crazed obsession with being the perfect being so obviously he is going to view his significant other as the embodiment of perfection itself.

Muzan chose you over anyone else. He views the rest of the human population as insignificant atoms. Because of his determination for perfection he’s going to pick/fall in love with a person who he deems perfect.

let’s be honest, due to him taking offense to finding out you’re insecure over some different face/hair/body features you have that he doesn’t mind/finds them beautiful he’s going to be not very happy!

when i say, “not very happy” that’s just me sugar coating his flaring anger.

However, he’ll try to reassure you in his own way that you’re beautiful the way you are and that you’re perfect in the most passive aggressive way possible.

Listen, he’s not the best at intimacy but he tries for you.

AND OH BOY!! when he finds out if anyone made you feel insecure he would order nakime to locate them so he could kill them. 🤭

As for your exes in the past.. they’re already taken care of! he murdered them awhile ago and didn’t even bother eating them because he was that repulsed by their existence.

Bro didn’t even view them as worth eating.

Btw he didn’t even tell you that he murdered your exes along with the men/women who made you feel insecure about your face/body.. he just causally told you as if it would make you feel better.

“Muzan, what happened to my exes? i saw a missing poster while i was running errands today..”

“There is no need to worry about them anymore, my dear.”

KOKUSHIBO

He’s very saddened over the fact you’re insanely insecure and it devastates him knowing how many people hurt you.

Why is he only hearing this now? he wished you told him sooner.

Like the demon king, he isn’t the most skilled when it comes to intimacy. I mean, he had a wife in the past but he deadass left her and went to go get the milk. 💀

He would never leave you though!

so he’s not going to be the ‘lovey dovey’ reassuring type of boyfriend who coddles you the way you want him to.

He may or may not have forgotten how relationships worked and he’s lowkey awkward!

He’ll reassure you in his own way and of course his demon instincts are provoking him to kill those maggots in the past who dared made you cry.

If you don’t want him to kill your exes he won’t but if you do then congratulations! you have a whole bunch of dead exes!

He’s jealous because he wanted to be with you before any of those people. He figured that if he found you first and asked you out before any of those horrible human beings you wouldn’t be so insecure. :(

Once you communicate more with Koku he’ll begin to understand and attempt to be more intimate and reassuring! He just isn’t used to it.

Kokushibo is honestly excellent at communicating and he’s understanding in his own way.

He won’t understand why you’re so insecure though? You point out your features/habits you’re insecure about that you view as ‘flaws’

He does not view them as flaws in the slightest! That’s just who you are and like muzan he’ll be offended at first you have so much hatred for yourself. 😞

But don’t worry! he won’t get mad like how Muzan did.

If anything you two will just talk it out. He may never will understand why you’re so insecure but he’ll compliment you and reassure you every time he sees you! He’ll do his very best to check up on you whenever he’s able to.

DOUMA

Douma is honestly going to think it’s stupid.

no, you are NOT stupid. he thinks the reason you’re insecure is silly! because why would you be hurt over what someone so insignificant thinks of you?

Douma also thinks it’s stupid because he views you as the most beautiful flower to ever walk this planet!

Yes, douma will find it silly. He may not fully comprehend why it hurts you so much but he’ll reassure you regardless because he loves you!

Douma is canonically great at advice. But usually with his followers he puts on a façade.

But with you it’s very different. Yes, he’ll give you advice but because he loves you and you know him and know what he really is he’ll give you the advice and not sugarcoat it for you.

Downright admits it’s dumb how you feel that way.

Immediately feels bad afterwards though when you break down into tears-

He’s used to seeing miserable people cry. He doesn’t care about their tears.

but when it’s you crying he isn’t a fan, trust me.

This is the part where he’ll reassure you and lend you advice. Instead of being rude, he’ll be genuine with you!

Douma just doesn’t understand. When you point out why you’re insecure he brushes it off because he finds your ‘flaws’ so adorable!

It’s one of the things he loves most about you. Your so-called ‘flaws’ are unique to him.

He gets offended like Muzan because why would you hate those adorable features about yourself?!? 😡😡

Let’s be fr.. Douma will never understand because he doesn’t find you ugly and has zero issues with your habits that you claim to hate about yourself.

But if you need comfort, he’ll of course comfort you and reassure you all you want! After all, he’s known to have a voice that soothes people instantly so he’s incredibly good at helping you. that’s what he does, right?

Anyway, Douma will go out of his way to make you feel less insecure even though he finds it utterly stupid that you are. The little shit still loves you unconditionally and will be genuine with you. He isn’t fake with you like how he is with his followers who suffer from insecurities.

Btw he ate the people who made you feel shitty about your appearance.

AKAZA

he is appalled..

LIKE WHAT???

YOU? INSECURE?

YOU OF ALL MORTALS?!?

High-key freaking out at first because now he feels like he did something wrong

I headcanon him as an overthinker when it comes to those he loves.

You elaborate your darkest feelings to him and he listens like the good boyfriend he is!

This sweet baby is the nicest and most understanding about it though!

Unlike Douma he won’t think it’s stupid. Your feelings are valid!

Akaza detests how insecure you are though. He’ll do anything in his power so you don’t feel that way anymore though!

You reassure him that he’s doing his job right as a demonic boyfriend before revealing that someone else made you feel this way.

Okay, okay.. so it’s not him but some other asshole.

He’ll be really bummed out if he can’t kill them:(

Assumes that’ll make you feel better if he gets rid of that garbage walking the earth.

“Are you sure you don’t want me to kill them for you? I hate how they made you feel insecure about yourself..”

Like, no, akaza it’s fine!!

But if you’re a person who seeks out revenge and WANTS the people who rejected you/made you feel bad about your looks dead this man has zero issue making your desires come true. 💅

After you confess to him about your past rejections and bullying in the past over noticeable features you have he’ll worship you even more that day. He’s the type to bring you flowers and remind you that you’re gorgeous/handsome whenever he gets the chance.

This behavior also comes out in the bedroom but that’s a different story for another day. 😩

[hyunjins-orange-slice-too]

Connected ch5

pairing: chan x reader

genre: fluff

warnings: none

word count: ~1.5k

an: this is a repost from my recently deceased blog hyunjins-orange-slice. may she rest in peace.

masterlist * previous chapter * next chapter

you felt like time had gone by so fast. the couple of months since that video call, has felt like minutes. you talked to chan every day in some form. it was usually texting, he’s too busy for much else. but the occasional video call on nights when he really needed to sleep but couldn’t, those were your favorite. it had become sort of a ritual for him. you were about the only thing that could get him to relax enough to sleep. and that made you feel pretty special. though you would never admit that to anyone.

but the day had come. today is the day to be in chicago. he had let you know a while ago the specific date they would be there. and he had texted you selfies of him on the plane. so as you climbed into your car that morning to take the couple hour drive to chicago, it all started to feel very real. and because of the realness, you were very nervous. you had let him know you were headed his way and wouldn’t be able to text him for a couple hours. he responded with a ‘okay, drive safe~~” you turned on your playlist, and hit the road.

the drive was pretty uneventful and boring, the occasional bouts of traffic, but thankfully when you approached chicago, it wasn’t during rush hour. chan had picked a location for you to meet him at. that was the address in your gps and when you got close and were at a red light, you texted him.

“i’ll be there soon. gps says about ten minutes.”

wow ten minutes until you meet bang chan? you had to let that thought sink in. who were you? and what decision in your life, or your past life, led you to this point? what had you done to deserve such a thing? your stomach churned with anxiety. you told yourself it’s not that different from a video call.. right? it’s basically the same thing. you’ve pretty much already met him and you talk every day. everything was going to be fine. so why did you feel like throwing up?

the meeting spot was in downtown chicago. and you weren’t very comfortable with your parallel parking skills. so you pulled into a multi level garage. these types of garages always made you feel a little uneasy. you put the car in park and made sure you had everything you needed. your phone, your wallet, and your pepper spray. exiting the car, you put your phone in your pocket, safety first, and your wallet in your other pocket. leaving only your keys and your pepper spray in your hands. maybe a little over cautious, but better safe than sorry. though the walk to the meeting spot was uneventful. it was just a few buildings over.

you approached the little coffee shop, its large windows facing the street, its chipped metal sign hanging above the door, the smell of coffee permeating the air. you cautiously entered the store, the little bell above the door announcing your arrival. you looked around a little before seeing a black hoodie and a black beanie in the far back corner, seemingly hiding from everyone else. the butterflies in your tummy felt like professional mma fighters the way they were punching at your stomach. but you took a deep breath and put one foot in front of the other and slowly approached him.

his back was still to you once you reached him, scrolling on his phone.

“um.. hello?” you said, your voice shaking with nervousness.

he turned around and you thought you may fall over at the sight of him, a smile slowly filling his face, his dimples out. he stood from the table. “oh my god, hi.” he said excitedly. he opened his arms, offering a hug in greeting.

were you about to get a bang chan signature big hug right now? you had been here for all of two minutes. you reciprocated and moved closer. he wrapped his arms tightly around you, pulling you close, your head on his chest. but it only lasted a moment. “how are you? it’s so nice to finally meet you in person. was your drive okay?” he asked, pulling away.

the smell of him lingered on your clothes and in your nose. it was musky, with a hint of vanilla. your heart fluttered in your chest as pulled the chair out for you to sit, before taking his own seat across from you.

“my drive was fine. not too much traffic. how are you? tired from your flight?” you asked, trying to portray yourself calmer than you actually felt.

“i am a little tired.” he said. “but im always tired.”

“oh yeah.” you chuckled nervously. why were you being so awkward? you scolded yourself for being weird.

“did you want a coffee? what’s your drink of choice?” he asked.

“oh i usually get an americano.” you made to stand up, to head to the counter, but he stopped you.

“i’ll get it. you stay here, yeah?” he smiled. and he was gone to the counter before you could protest. curse his handsome face, it made your brain all fuzzy and unable to focus.

you took a deep breath in through your nose and blew it out your mouth. you needed to relax. he is literally just a person. a super duper talented and handsome and kind and famous god like person, but just a person. you’ve been talking to him for months now. this is no different. your heartbeat finally started to calm down. you could do this. you could totally do this. and then he returned to your table with your drinks, smiling at you with his dimples, and all of those calm thoughts went out the window. oh my god look at him. was your mouth open? were you drooling. pull. yourself. together.

“thanks for coming all the way to chicago.” he said, sipping his coffee. “i really didn’t want to miss the chance to finally see you in person.”

oh my god you were going to fall out of your chair. you wished you could slap yourself in the face to try to bring yourself back to reality.

“i should be the one thanking you, mr celebrity.” you cringed at yourself for that one. “for taking time out of your schedule for little ole me.”

but he didn’t cringe. he laughed. and wouldn’t you know it, the little squeak was in the middle of that laugh. you heard the squeak in person. you could die happy now. all depression left your body in that moment.

“ah. i always have time for you.” he said, running his fingers through the condensation on his cup. “honestly, thank you.” his tone turning serious now. “you’ve really helped me these last few months. i’m actually getting some sleep. i feel.. at ease with you.” he was nervous now, saying these things out loud.

“well i’m glad i could return the favor. you’ve been making me feel at ease for.. years now.”

it got quiet after that. but not a weird silence where you felt like you needed to say something quickly. but a comfortable silence. he was smiling, but still looking down at his cup. you were starting to realize the small size of this table. you were sitting on opposite sides, but with both of your coffee cups on the table, with both of you hands wrapped around each cup, your knuckles were only inches from each other. you didn’t know if you were being a delusional crazy person right now, but you swear you could feel the energy between your hands and his. like a quiet tingly buzzing that radiated from his fingers to yours. and then he extended his index finger to brush a soft caress against the back of your knuckles. and it was like you were zapped with electricity. he must have felt it too, because he jerked back and looked shocked for a moment. your cheeks were on fire, blazing under his sudden attention.

and then his phone rang.

he answered and spoke quietly for a moment in korean before hanging up and looking sad.

“i’m so sorry, but somethings come up.” he says. “i need to go..”

“that’s okay.” you smile at him. “i understand. you’re a busy busy man.”

“i feel terrible that you drove for two hours to only get to spend ten minutes with me.” he frowned. “i promise- i promise i’ll make it up to you, yeah?”

you nodded and he stood. he hovered awkwardly by the table, so you stood with him. he pulled you into a hug, squeezing tightly and holding on longer this time, before saying “i’ll text you.” and then he smiled and exited the coffee shop, sparing a last glance at you over his shoulder before the bell above the door confirmed his exit.

taglist: @thinkingaboutlana @tamlinsfiddle (red means it wouldnt let me tag you, if you want to be added or removed, let me know)

🚨reminder: this blog is 18+ only. i’ve been getting a lot of new followers (which i greatly appreciate) but if there’s no age identifier on your blog, i’m blocking you no questions asked. (for my own sanity and peace of mind.) ik some people don’t actually go to my page to read the warnings, so im going to start attaching a warning at the bottom of all my posts. thanks for understanding. 💕

[cosmicjoke]

Just adding this on, but this isn't an attempt on my part or an encouragement to harass these people, though I'm sure everyone reading this already knows that. Just a means of letting others know who's behind at least some of the harassment lately.

Alright, well, here comes the call-out post that I promised anon. Have fun with it, I guess. It's about to get long, folks. A group of @tsuki-no-ura followers, who's been obviously vague posting about me for months at this point, specifically targeting every topic I discuss on my blog by making counterarguments to it on their blog, even though I never directed any of my analysis posts or anything else at them, nor has anything I've ever written been in direct response to anything they've written, is certainly behind at least some of the harassment. And other than the times I've tried having conversations with tsuki in the past, when I used to follow them, and wanted to discuss their posts with them, which almost always went ignored, I haven't at all addressed them or made reference to them, either implied or specifically, in any of my analysis posts. I only made reference to them a few weeks back when I found out that they'd essentially said my defense of Levi's violence was tantamount to Nazism, which I wasn't going to let stand. That's the only time I've ever directly referenced them. And yet, every time I make an analysis post, a counterargument to it magically appears on their blog the same day or a few days later, something that was brought to my attention by a mutual of mine. I had no idea until a couple weeks ago that this was happening, because I stopped following them more than a year ago, and only just recently blocked them. But they're obviously stalking me. And, inevitably, every time they do this, a slew of anon hate messages get sent, both to me and various other blogs that I follow, or that follow me. This isn't a coincidence:

@clearavenuelover, @66honeybadgers, and I'm sure various other of their groupies, are the ones almost assuredly largely behind the anonymous attacks on Levi blogs over the last, several months. They start out with their passive-aggressive bullshit, and eventually, of course, it turns to outright hostility, because that's just who these people are. @clearavenuelover purposefully tagged me in one of tsuki's posts, and so obviously they're aware of their followers harassing other Levi fan blogs. This is the link to the post they tagged me and other Levi fan blogs in: https://www.tumblr.com/tsuki-no-ura/739123803956854784/okay-so-here-i-come-with-my-discourse-causing

And yet more evidence that these people all congregate in the same circles and circle-jerk each other over how they think they're "winning" some non-existent contest against me and other Levi fan blogs.

And look who liked this answer as soon as it was put up:

And here @66honeybadgers is again, name-dropping tsuki-no-ura while they continue to harass me:

And this is clearly the same douche-bag that asked me a few weeks back if I considered myself a "Levi expert", and has now, over the last two days, continued to harass me for daring to express my opinion about Levi on my own blog, dropping the "friendly" act and showing their outright hostility:

This is clear harassment from a very specific corner of the fandom, mainly, surprise, surprise, eruri shippers, or even just Erwin stans who want to make everything about him, and get angry at anyone who dares to express any different view from the ones they hold, to the point of actively seeking out and stalking our blogs, hate reading our posts, going into our inboxs and sending us anonymous hate messages, trying to cram their opinions down our throats and then getting upset when we don't listen or accept their views. And then they want to go around acting like they're all the victims. What a joke these people are. Anyway, I just thought I should make this post so that actual Levi fan blogs can know to avoid and block these assholes. I can't say if they're behind ALL of the harassment, but they're certainly behind some of it, and it's good to expose them because they're cowards, and once they've been exposed, they won't have the fucking balls to continue.

[thelightsandtheroses]

Secret Smile: Homecoming (Chapter Ten)

Javier Peña x female reader

Summary: Before returning to Colombia to get things right this time, Javi’s childhood best friend asks him to keep an eye out for his sister while they’re both stationed in the embassy. Only you don’t need Javier to keep an eye on you. Your role as a new legal advisor is all about keeping an eye on him after all. Sparks fly, lines will be drawn and broken and there’s everything to lose.

Word Count: 2.8k Chapter Warnings - 18+ blog, passing mention of differences in familial status, slight secret relationship, discussions of dismissal/quitting jobs/workplaces and injustice, mentions of sex. Reader has a backstory and family but no physical descriptions. Notes - This has been a long time coming and for anyone still out there reading this, thank you and I hope it’s worth the wait. The past few months have been particularly tough IRL which has made writing Blue's work stresses pretty triggering and difficult and then made me weirdly superstitiuous about even opening the wip file. That said, the muse finally hit, I decided to fight my anxiety about it and here we are.

Previous | Series List | Next

You didn’t have a plan. Not really. Rather your plan was merely the rough semblance of an idea, a delicate decision tree that was completely reliant on people caring and wanting to do the right thing.  That, you realise now, may have been a mistake.

Frankly, Plan A had failed so long ago, you are probably somewhere around O or P in the alphabet now.

Whatever you had thought you would do though, it didn’t work. The best result you’ve negotiated, and one that was hard fought, is to have officially resigned, rather than be dismissed. Your time with that office and career aspirations are dead though.  

Sometimes that’s what happens. You live in a world where perhaps certain victories are pyrrhic, your heroes don’t always prevail - or, if they do, there’s a cost. It’s one you’d pay again. It was the right thing to do.

Only a sense of integrity doesn’t pay the bills or prevent awkward conversations with your family. You’re going to have move in with your parents again because Rafa won’t have room at his house. You need to think of a way to frame this to them all.

There’s been a cold spell in DC. You can feel it still ghosting the air as you take a sip of coffee, clutching the to-go cup tightly  between your hands. It’s a change to the humidity of Colombia, the familiar heat of Texas. You remember what it felt like you first moved here years ago and how novel the snow had seemed, how romantic thick jumpers and hot chocolate by a fireplace had felt.

You look over at the building ahead of you.

Javi won’t be long.

This is the last time you’ll be in front of this building, you’ve left it for the last time and that chapter of your life is truly over. You can barely remember who you were when you first stepped into those doors anyway.

You notice Javi leaving. You watch him loosen his tie as he leaves the building, making his way towards you.

“Hi,” you say gently. “All wrapped up?” You try and read any emotions on his face; whether his meetings went as smoothly as you hoped.

“All wrapped up,” Javi says, before kissing you deeply.

“Nice try to distract me,” you say, “but you didn’t tell me how it went.”

Javi groans into your neck. “Well, Spencer offered to make my resignation go away and for me to go to Mexico.”

“Mexico?” you ask, alarmed. Javi told you he couldn’t do this anymore, that he’d reached the end of his career with the DEA. Selfishly you have only just started this with him, you don’t want to  lose it yet, you don’t want a long-distance relationship just now.

“Yeah.” There’s a bitter note in his voice that signals there’s more to this, more to what was said than a simple job offer.

“What did you say?” Is it over already? Is it over before you and him even had a chance to really know what the two of you could be? Will Javi go to Mexico while you return to Laredo without a job, without him?

Practically, you will understand if he says yes. You might not agree - you don’t agree, but you won’t say that unless he expressly asks.

You steel yourself for his next words. This was just a fling, stress relief, a stress response even. It doesn’t mean anything to him. He hopes you can still be friends.

You will smile, you will agree. You will lie. 

Javi looks over at you quizzically, shifting his hand so he can entwine his fingers with yours. “I’m officially no longer a DEA employee. My - my time there is over.” 

Relief courses through you. “Oh. Are you alright?”

“Are you?” Javi asks.

You pause, leaning into Javi and his warm body. In all honesty, you’re not sure. It isn’t just the job, or loss thereof, and the way your time in Colombia bought up so many demons from before. It’s not that you’ve been directly involved, or even witnessed, the most terrifying aspects of Javi’s work or time in Colombia. It’s more that you’ve lost something.

You’ve lost that faith, that certainty in a system of justice, in checks and balances. You don’t believe like you used to. There’s this cynical edge to your thoughts, this sense of sadness and futility that justice isn’t what you thought it was.

You’re tired, burnt out and you have no clue what to do next.

But then there’s Javi.

 “I will be,” you say, pulling away from him before immediately reaching for Javi’s hand so the two of you can walk away from this building for the last time.

Together.

You thought you would show Javi the city you used to live in. There were coffeeshops, restaurants, walks you wanted to share with him. Moments to make together in this strange in-between time before you return to Laredo.

You’ve barely left your hotel room though. Restaurants were abandoned in lieu of room service fries, a club sandwich and salad. Strolls across tourist attractions have been discarded in favour of another kiss, another touch, another moment with Javi.

You tell yourself it’s because who knows when you’ll have time like this again. You tell yourself your feelings and this situation are completely under control.

Either way, the two of you are insatiable. It could be the relief of there being a firm line between Colombia and now, it could be making up for lost time.

Javi is the best thing the year has bought you so far. He makes it all worthwhile. You’re sure of that, even if the thought scares you.

You lean back against the pillow, as you try and catch your breath.

“How long do we have?” you ask.

“Until our flight?” Javi asks, kissing down your neck to your collarbone. “We need to check out in a couple of hours and then we’ve got a changeover in Dallas, but we should land before its dark.”

“Okay, I should go pee, clean up a bit,” you say, sitting up. “Water?”

“Water,” Javi confirms, placing a hand over his head as he collects himself. You like looking at him like this; the way the hotel room light hits his skin, still glistening with sweat, the look in his eyes, the way his hair is slightly undone and curls at the ends.

You get out of the bed, tugging a hotel robe around you as you walk to the bathroom. When you return, you pour two glasses of water and hand one to Javi as you sit back on the bed.

“So,” you say, before taking a sip of your water.

“So,” Javi repeats slowly, looking you over with care and concern. “Have you -” he falters.

You look at him curiously. “What, Javi?”

“Are you - are you coming back here? Or Austin? Or - are you sticking around?”

It never occurred to you. For all your anxieties about Javi leaving you for another job, you never thought he’d have the same worry about you.

“Well, the good thing is that even a town like Laredo probably needs a lawyer or two.”

“Oh, yeah?”

You nod and watch the way his face softens. His smiles are rare, but they’re so worth it. They light up his whole face, make an already attractive man even more attractive.

“I think I need a change though and maybe I can at least figure that out back in Laredo.”

“That’s good. Are you ready for this?”

You make a face. You’re starting to think you would rather spend your time grappling with legal systems and international diplomacy than this. “To move back in with my parents with no job? Oh Javi, absolutely not.”

An unwelcome thought suddenly hits you. What do you tell your families about you and Javi? It’s still so new and you’re still figuring out what any of it means. Part of you is worried that without the connection of Colombia, of work, maybe he won’t want you for much longer. Maybe it’s not enough to make something real.

“Do we tell people back home about us yet?” you ask. “I mean, do you want to? Or do we .. should we just keep this for us for a bit? Figure everything out?”

“What do you want to do, Blue?”

“I don’t know,” you reply honestly. There’s been so much change, so much anxiety. Javi’s been this amazing bubble and you know you feel something strongly for him. You know it feels like it could be something. You’re used to decision trees as a lawyer; you feel like you know where this is heading, you like that direction to.

You like who you are with Javi. So why are you scared to say that right now?

You stare down at your glass of water, wishing you could craft the right legal argument, the right way forward.

“We’ve got time, Blue,” he says calmly, “That’s something the two of us definitely are going to have right now in Laredo.”

“Well, I will. Didn’t you say you were going to help your Pops. Be a rancher?” You raise an eyebrow at the thought of that. It’s an appealing image though, you can’t lie. Javi all sweaty and working hard, you remember that day in Curacao and how he looked in the pink shirt after running around the town.

“We can figure this out on our own time,” he says, “I want to. I don’t want this to end right now though.”

“Neither do I.”

“So we’re agreed on that?”

You nod.

Javi leans over you, taking the glass from your hands and moving you so he’s on top of you. “Well, we’ve still got some time before we need to check out.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah.”

Laredo, TX

It feels like déjà vu. Another party in Laredo, another homecoming where it sounds like a success but feels like a failure. Another day of standing around the people Javi grew up with and feeling like a stranger.

He’s changed. Colombia’s changed him again and again and again.  He thinks it’s something he has to wear; a solid, distinguishing marker of who Javi once was and who he has become. Before and After Colombia.

Laredo hasn’t changed much in the last year. His father’s home is almost exactly the same. It’s reassuring somehow; this stalwart unchanging community. His dad is driving the same truck, his room is the same as he left it.  Everything even smells the same.

Time stops then starts again.

The prodigal son has returned once more. Javi supposes at least he’s here sooner than last time, at least his Pops can see he’s trying.

He is trying. He’s been trying for so long.

He’s home and he’s not sure what difference he’s made at all, a point only made more obvious when Mike Spencer confirmed that his fear the cartels Javier and his team had helped bring down were nothing in the grand scheme of things.

He’s failed. He couldn’t put it right. It’s why he went back after all - though if he’s honest he didn’t know how to do anything else.

He doesn’t know how to do anything else.

It’s not for him now though- he’s done. Javi’s given it all. It feels like he’s been sucked dry by the DEA over the past decade. He has nothing left to give them.

It’s not all terrible though - he looks over at you. You are the impossible bright side in all of his mess.

Officially this party is a joint welcome home and

He takes a sip of his beer as he watches you in the corner of his eye. You’re dancing in the garden with your niece, smiling widely and laughing.

You meet his eyes and he notices the smile; the way your eyes widen for just a second, the smile he’s never seen before. Not before you and him became something else anyway.

You take his breath away.

He wants to walk over to you straight away, to take you in his arms and just be reminded that you’re real, you’re here. He wants to kiss you and lead you straight to your bedroom, to taste you, have you, to know you again and again.

He knows so much more about you now; the way your body feels, the way you like to be kissed, touched, fucked. He knows how you sound when you wake up in the morning, the way you take your coffee each day. He knows you. In the past weeks, he’s taken to wanted to commit every detail of your body to his memory, just in case.

He can’t approach you though. Not now. Not here. Not yet.

Rafa pulls up the chair next to Javi. “It’s good to have you back, Javi.”

“Good to be back,” Javi replies automatically.

“Are you sticking around for a while?”

“I think so. Pops could do with some help on the ranch.”

Rafa raises his eyebrows. “I didn’t think - I mean, that’s great, Javi. So, you’re done with the DEA?”

“Yeah, it was time to make a change.”

“Well, I guess once you’ve taken down two cartels, it’s hard to know where to go next,” he replies wryly. Javi’s always liked that about Rafa; he’s quick thinking and smart. He knows how to put people at ease too. Javi supposes that’s an important part of being a doctor, especially being the family doctor in a town like this.

He’s sleeping with Rafael’s sister. While the two of you were in Colombia, or DC, he could forget that so easily. You were just Blue to him. You are just Blue to him.

Only you’re also his friend’s sister and in a small community like this, he’s not sure how this will be received. He’s not sure how Rafa will really feel about the two of you. Maybe he shouldn’t have told Rafa quite as much as he did before he went to Colombia.

It's not just that. Standing there in your parents' home, he's struck by the differences between your families. It's not featured in his friendship with Rafa, but there's no denying your family is a different type of affluent to his own. The ranch does well, his Pops runs it really well, but your family is doctors and lawyers and businessmen. He's not sure where he stands in contrast.

It makes sense now, why you asked that question of him in DC. Why you’d wondered aloud about whether they should tell people straight away. At first, he’d thought you were having second thoughts.

He gets it now.

“Was my sister okay out there?” Rafa asks.

“We didn’t spend much time together. Different departments.” A story you’ve agreed, but he hates this already. He wants Rafa to know what you’re like, how good at your job you are.

“Oh. Did you try and keep an eye on her?”

“When I saw her? Yes. But Rafa, she was more than capable of looking after herself from what I saw.”

“I know. I’m just glad she’s home. Glad you both are. Everyone was proud, but - I know my parents worried about her, know your pops worried about you.”

Before Javi can add anything else, you walk over with Sofia who is keen to head inside and regale her abuela with exactly what she’s been up to.

“I spent most of my time on the other side of the embassy at Medellin,” you say smoothly, looking around before leaning against the porch post. “Lots of paperwork and calls.” Javi hates how you play down your impact, of what you did and how you really helped.

“Oh, yeah?”

“Mhhmm,” you say easily, your eyes meeting Javi for just a second. There’s a slight smile in your expression, almost imperceptible but Javi sees it.

“Well, I’m glad the two of you are back safe.”

“Me too.”

“Would have been nice if you’d worked together though. I mean what were the chances? Two people from Laredo in the same place.” Kismet, that’s what you called it one day, right? That’s what Javi sees it as now.

Rafa looks over to the inside of your parents’ home. “I should go check on Sofia, see you in a bit, Javi. It’s good to have you home.”

It’s just the two of you on the porch now.

“So …” you begin with a soft smile. “Enjoying the party?”

Javi shakes his head. “It’s kind, but -”

“I know.” He knows you do too.

He stands up and moves to look out from the porch, standing next to you. His hand is so close to yours and he notices how you subtly move so your hands are touching.

Oh, this is going to be interesting.

Tag List

Secret Smile tag-list @joelsgreys @sullyosully @catsickyellow @spishsstuff @casa-boiardi @living-for-jesus-and-telenovelas @pastelnap @babeincolor @iamskyereads @angelofsmalldeath-codeine

Everything Pedro tag-list: @harriedandharassed @pedrostories @hiroikegawa @pedrosaidsheispunk

If you want to be added to (or removed from) one of the tag lists, let me know or you can get notifications for @thelightsandtheroses-fics if you prefer. If you do not have an age or age range showing you are over 18, I will not add you to this list. I block ageless and blank blogs.

[nonny-nonny-anon]

[I'll be ooc for this in case some aren't familiar with my writing style.

TLDR; I'll be taking a break from Nonny for who knows how long because I'm not up to mentally and emotionally RP safely as Nonny right now. Or in general really. This isn't a call out post, don't go after anyone out of any self conceived notion of righteousness. I don't care if people shit on me though, just don't go after others.

What happened last night has honestly taken the rest of the wind out of my sails. I don't know if the mun the other anon actually did block this blog or not so I don't know if your side of fight was in character for you. Please know that my taking of a break isn't your fault, it's just something that's been building up for me irl side.

As a side note, as much as 'it's a public post' and 'anyone can interact with you' is real, please be aware that interacting is a two way street and the blame for any fights usually doesn't solely lie at any one person's feet. It's easy to forget, but the words one so easily puts onto the the internet does have real world effects. What really got to me though was the response that the other party had upon seeing Nonny's reaction. It was disheartening. Have I taken that out of proportion too? Maybe, but to me personally it's disparaging.

I'll admit that I did get heated during the three paragraph response, but that was still in character as Nonny does have a lot unresolved issues that, admittedly, come from a lot of my personal experiences. For that I'll apologize for because I should have separated my feelings from Nonny as a whole, but I won't apologize for keeping it going. By the time I got explaining my side of the things I'm pretty sure it was obvious that I, as Nonny, was already done with the fight and just wanted it over and done with. I, as mun, was already way past done by that point and was replying out of courtesy, but that doesn't really matter anyways.

Am I 'creating a situation' out of it again? Probably, but I'm also curating my own experience and I'll be doing that by taking a break. Call me sensitive, vindictive, a bitch, pathetic, or whatever else but I just wanted to get this out here and be known. Yesterday was just a bad day for me and that fight hit very close to home for me. Seeing that now, I want to take some time away from all of this since RPing is starting to weigh on me instead of being fun anymore.

I'll be taking a break because doing this whole RP with you all was fun. Was. After this whole thing with all of your guys' arcs and then that fight, as well as being a bad time of the year for my family, I won't be able to put the effort and care into this as much as I used to if I kept going. I know my limits and I can tell that I'm starting to get to the end of my rope so I've actually been looking for an excuse to cut down on a lot of stress while I still can and that whole thing gave me the perfect excuse to put Nonny away for awhile.

Anyways, I'll be taking a break from this blog. I don't know when I'll be back, could be inbetween tomorrow, days, months, or even never. Nonny will come back in blog form whenever I feel like I can safely do RP again mentally and emotionally. For anyone worried about my mental, don't. This just happens from time to time and like I said, yesterday was just a bad day for me and I shouldn't have been doing RP to begin with. My dms and ask box will still be open and answered.]

[annymation]

WAIIIITTTTT what do you mean Asha and Magnifico already knew each other before she was 18???? Explain this, explain yourself 🔫🔫🔫🔫

*raises my hands up* 🙌

Alright alright I’ll explain!

As I’ve mentioned here on this blog Asha interacted with Magnifico before the events of the story, it’s nothing major, just something that came to my mind, so here’s what happened

13 years prior to the events of Kow, when Asha was a little kid, she got to talk to the king during an event where he and the queen were pretty close to the people, a festival or something. Then again, they’re always pretty approachable to their people either way.

Anyway, this takes place before the talk she and Sabino had during Chapter 1 where she promised him she wouldn’t wish to become a great artist.

So the interaction would go like this:

Magnifico and Amaya were sitting on wooden thrones prepared just for them to get a view of the current festival of the month, the chairs are covered with curtains so people can only see them from the front view. It was just like any other festival and the king was frankly rather bored, even though his face wouldn't let it show.

But suddenly he hears a little voice “Psst excuse me, mr. King Magnifico!"

The voice came from beside him, he looks down and sees a smiling little girl looking up with her big eyes. No one else seemed to notice her there besides him since the chairs they're sitting on are covered and everyone else is watching the performances of the festival.

He gives her a friendly smile like he gives to any other subject "Well hello there, how did you get here?"

"I sneaked in from behind the curtain, none of the guards saw me heh heh" Little Asha giggles, proud of herself

"Oh my, a little scallywag got past my guards? Should I be worried for my safety?" He jokes sarcastically

"Heheh nooo I just wanted to make a question!" She says excited jumping up and down.

Magnifico smiles at her quite amused "You've certainly got my attention, so go ahead, ask away"

"When I'm a grown up, can you give me magic like my mama's?" The little girl's big eyes sparkle at the question

The king smile goes flat "... Your mother knows magic?" He asks back, his face serious this time, as it is strictly forbidden for anyone besides the king to use magic in Rosas.

"My grandpa says she could make drawings move, that's what I wanna do too" She explains innocently

The king feels relieved, it's just some made up story, nothing to worry about. His friendly smiles returns as he explains to her "I see. Unfortunately that sort of wish is forbidden, little one"

Asha looks downward disappointed "Aw... Okay"

Magnifico thinks for a moment and he has an idea "Buuuut who knows, perhaps I could make you my apprentice in the future, would you like that?"

The little girl eyes widen "*gasp*! Really?! Yes! I would love to!" She said jumping up and down

The king couldn't help but chuckle imagining how he could exploit this, maybe teach her magic only to steal her power later, or just have an loyal assistant would be fine too "Glad to hear it, if you prove yourself to be good I'll be more than happy to grant that wish" He boops her nose playfully.

"I will be good, I promise!" The girl says with her eyes shinning like stars and a big innocent smile.

Cut to 13 years later and the same girl is looking at him straight in the eyes with a burning rage

"I won't let you decide what I deserve! Nor what anyone else in Rosas deserves!"

The girl was good, alright? Too good.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for convincing a friend to run for an officer position in a club just so someone else didn’t win?

So, this happened a few months ago but it’s been gnawing at my brain and I want to know if I did the right thing. I asked some online friends for advice beforehand and there’s a chance they’ll see this- if you do, please don’t expose my blog, thanks.

Context: I (16F) am a member of my school’s Science Olympiad team, and held an officer position the past school year (my sophomore year/10th grade) and ran again for next year (my junior year/11th grade). I am using everyone’s ages at the time this happened to the best of my knowledge and memory. This takes place in a United States high school, and our Olympiad team is tied to a junior high school Olympiad team from the junior high on our campus, which we do all of our meetings with.

A group of my friends (17F, 16F, 16F, 15F) went out for the 4 out of the remaining 5 high school officer positions, and odds looked pretty good we’d win all of our races, thus having 5 out of 6 high school officer positions total. Usually it wouldn’t really matter who won anything, it would just be nice if we were all officers together. The only issue is that there are two other people on our team who are friends with each other (17F and 15F), but have a history of bullying and toxic behavior including towards people on the team. They ran for literally every single position, as you are allowed to run for multiple, and we were concerned they would use them to abuse power.

As I said before, it seemed likely we would win the positions we wanted, but this would leave secretary open, as the only two people running for secretary were one of my friends who I already mentioned, who was more likely to win president, and one of the girls I had mentioned we didn’t want winning anything in case of an abuse of power, so there wasn’t even a chance of a “third party” winning. The only reason we knew for sure who was running for what before the election started is my officer position (which was officially still held until the results of the election were released) enabled me to look at the sign up form, which I created.

My best friend told me she and another friend had worked out a plot to keep secretary out of this girl’s hands. She wanted me to ask a younger friend of mine (13NB, uses he/they for clarification) who was one of the eighth graders on the junior high school team to run, since he is going to be a freshman on the high school team this upcoming school year, and anyone with a year’s experience at any level who will be at least a freshman is allowed to run for a high school officer position.

I said I didn’t want to ask them, and I had multiple reasons why.

First, I already convinced him to do the high school team in the first place when he wanted to stick to the junior high one for another year (9th graders can be in either the junior high or high school competing divisions in Science Olympiad even though most schools in my area classify 9th grade as high school). Nobody asked me to do that, they’re just a smart kid and I thought it would be a waste of potential for them not to. Because of this I wanted him to choose to go for on officer position or not for himself at least. Second, I feel bad using a kid as a pawn in a drama he’s not involved in, even though it’s for a good reason. Everyone else involved in this was already in high school at the time. Third, they don’t even know about the stuff the girl we wanted him to run against has done, because she is nice to them specifically and they are friends. If he figured out we were plotting for him to beat her I think that would damage his trust in me and my friendship with him.

Here’s where I think I might have been an asshole. I gave in and asked them anyway, because my friends all seemed convinced this was the best course of action and I didn’t want them getting mad at me, and I still strongly felt this girl getting elected would be bad for the team I’ve worked so hard to support and for the other team members’ (mostly people I am friends with and care about) mental and emotional well being.

My friend did run, they took my suggestion to run for secretary and signed up to run for that specific position. The girl we didn’t want winning somehow beat them by two votes, so I guess it didn’t matter anyway.

In case this influences anyone’s opinion, I will tell you that we were probably right that this girl should not have been an officer. I was hoping she would mature in an officer position, but she didn’t. She’s still been saying nasty shit behind people’s backs (so has the other girl we didn’t want to win, though she didn’t win anything as we correctly predicted our wins in the other five positions). She’s been half-assing all her officer responsibilities and complaining about them constantly even though she signed up for this, and I have already been forced to do some things that were supposed to be her job.

I know it doesn’t matter now anyway, but I still kind of feel bad for using a (at the time, he’s 14 now) 13 year old as a pawn in a plot especially one that’s a good friend that I care about. Was I the asshole for doing that?

What are these acronyms?

[kabira]

a much-needed update.

hiiii so i realize i've pretty much left everyone here hanging for the past year, almost? and mentioned reposting on ao3 about a billion times but haven't really followed up on it. i've toyed with multiple ideas, like reposting, rewriting, deleting this blog off the face of the earth to disappear forever (jk), etc but! i've done some soul-searching in the sweltering summer and finally come to a decision.

there isn't a lot keeping me in this community now, but writing - for fun - isn't something i want to stop doing, because it's really important to me even outside the context of a fandom. i've become pretty rusty lately, though, owing to the fact that my last stint with writing a full-length piece was over a year ago, and i haven't really had the time or brainpower to chase down those plot bunnies (though they remain persistent). however, there's nothing that makes me want to write more than going through my old fics and being horrified by my many mistakes <3 so <3 i will instead be slowly rewriting and reposting my old fics.

does this mean i'll delete the old versions? probably not, because i like to see my own growth. i'll leave them unlinked on the masterlist and floating around on my blog in case anyone wants to revisit them. can't say i'm going to fix every single fic, but i'll try to do most of them. might even combine a couple of them into a single continuity (looking at you, spider-vernon).

i know i'm the prime example of all talk and no anything else, but i swear i'm going to try my best this time. hell, i opened my original draft of bhobc last night and redid the whole last scene on a whim, so i'd say the process is already in swing. if i can't bring myself to commit to something completely new, i'm at least going to try and redo what i already have. until then, i have some new ideas brewing that i'll probably end up either posting on ao3 (here) or my genshin blog (here) because i don't think i can fully come back to writing for kpop anymore. there's a million reasons for this, but the one that stands out the most is the way this community has responded to the events of the past few months.

despite all the atrocities being committed in gaza, i haven't seen most people even deem to comment on the state of affairs or use their accounts to bring light to them (some have talked it about their mains and not their kpop sideblogs with a SIGNIFICANTLY larger following - i wonder why!). even if you say it's for the sake of keeping content apart, why does this divide exist to you, truly?

it's disgusting to see that even some of the people here i used to respect haven't mentioned it, instead choosing to talk about their favorite kpop boy or, i don't know, what sonic character they'd be. even if something happens within the fandom, the outrage seems to be only momentary, a couple untagged posts expressing disappointment here, a two-week break there, and then they're right back to writing egregious smut as if nothing ever happened. where's your anger? where's your fucking humanity?

anyway, tldr, i'll be rewriting a big chunk of my fics and reposting the older versions anyway. also, fuck you to everyone who's been silent about the ongoing genocide.

[didnt-hear-cold-as-you-live]

boi oh boi do I got some problems for anons to unpack with me tonight

When my current partner and I first got together (formally) in the late summer / early fall of 2020, he had JUST started part-time living at our friends house back in New England. He moved in, from New York, with her, because she had just ended a 10 year relationship and was mega-alone and mega-depressed. The beginning of this relationship was spent with him writing music with her as she coped with this breakup, etc. We were both sort of an emotional crutch for her while she had her (well deserved ffs) hoe phase, had her first boyfriend after the fact, they broke up, she spent some time alone and Worked On Herself, and then got into another relationship, which turned out to be a LTR.

I think I have posted on here (or maybe I haven't) about how hard I struggled with the fact that, after we moved to Montana and came back and the pandemic was declared "over", I moved back to NYC. He stayed in New England, and stayed there for another 2 years. I told him over and over and over and over again how driving back and forth to a place I was so burned by and had been longing to leave for my whole life (this friend lived, mind you, 10 minutes down the highway from my hometown), feeling so impermanent in NYC, the place I was trying to make my new home; never there enough time to establish anything real with anyone between tours and splitting time between NY and a place I resented, and it was killing me. Absolutely destroying me in every way. He had a lot of reasons which he thinks are justified but I don't agree with, and could nitpick how BS they are extra in hindsight (but won't here and am trying not to mentally do it irl): wanting to buy a house and liking that he lived somewhere for free + wanting to hang on to that as long as he could to save money for the house (v short summary, he was her employee for music stuff so she let him live there for free), he wanted a yard and a secluded home where he could make music loudly at any time of day in a way the city couldn't provide, etc. I begged him to move anywhere. I told him I'd leave NY, etc. We planned to move to Arizona, to Utah, back to Montana, but it kept getting pushed back to someday, someday, someday. This has long been litigated between us and forgiven, and he's been made to understand why it hurt me, and I can tell he's sorry about how it made me feel etc. so that's all fine.

Anyway, what finally DID make him move in with me was that this friend's LTR boyfriend wanted to move in, so he was kicked out. We, again, also, have long litigated the fact that this hurt me and made me feel like a consolation prize.

Now, though, this very same couple has just gotten engaged. And, okay, I know every couple moves at a different pace, obviously. That's a fact of life. But I've seen SO many couples, who got together LONG after we did, get engaged in the past year. That's the.... "normal" pace. I spent 5 years of my life in a different dead-end relationship already; and on this blog we've been over the numerous transgressions that made this current relationship sputter and stall out a few times like an almost-dead car engine. To be fair, me going to Australia for a year didn't help the "timeline" aspect, either. But I always justified the dead-end first LTR by saying, well, we got together when I was 17. Thank GOD we didn't get married! But how am I now here again, in a relationship that will, technically and as far as I'm concerned, be 5 years old in a few months, not one iota further than I was in the dead-end relationship from when I was 17? It doesn't feel right and it doesn't feel fair and even though the math is mathing and the things that happened in the past hurt and needed time to smooth them over, I find myself just so ANGRY that I've never been able to find and fall into something easy, like everyone else I know. I'm happy to have the prize I fought so hard for; I wanted it; I fought for it. But I look around at all the relationships that didn't start in complete disaster like mine did; girls who dated men with intense commitment issues and saw them for a waste of time, looking for the ones that were already ready and found them and slipped into something easy and simple and loving, and are already married off with that person. Why did I hurt myself so bad? Why did I fight so hard? Just to wind up triggered by waiting due to past events of this relationship and of the previous one; feeling unwanted as a result of lack of forward momentum, only waiting again now because of the WAY the waiting the first time fractured us and needed to be smoothed over? I don't know if I'm articulating it properly, but it fucking stings. And I don't say this to blame him because it's not his fault; not anymore, because he's more than atoned for all the Bad Stuff in the beginning. But that doesn't make the consequences that those things are having now any less real, and it doesn't help when I'm left to think about those things constantly while I attend wedding after wedding that isn't mine from relationship after relationship that started long after.

I also don't really feel like I can bring this up, because every SINGLE milestone of our relationship has been due to me begging for something to happen. I don't know how I can spend eternity in good consciousness if I do that to the last one too, and never get the satisfaction of knowing it was something he actually wanted. We're also also about to go on a trip in 2 weeks, and so I'm like, hey, maybe it'll happen there, but I want that feeling to come with EXCITEMENT, not relief and not some depressing just box to validate. And if I bring this up now, not only will I feel like it's forced, but I might shoot myself in the foot by causing another delay that fucks everything up to death,

UGH.

[lumenflowered]

[A video file is attached. Maria can be seen, in what might be faintly recognizable as Route 14 of Kanto, though it seems clearer than normal. For the first time since it has ever appeared on this blog, it doesn't seem to be raining at all.

Calling it sunny is a strong word, though, considering that the sun is beginning to set in the distance. It's close to falling behind a mountain to the west, a mountain that... could that be Mt. Silver?

"Well, we are here," Maria mutters, casting her gaze about the route. "Where—"

"Hello!"

Both Maria, and the camera, whip around at the voice. Dee's standing there, Mallory at her side—in the form she's in now, the form she'd taken after what really did look very much like a Pokémon's evolution, she towers over even Dee.

Dee isn't a short person, even if she's slightly shorter than Maria.

(Though, for anyone familiar with what the god known to most as only the Moon Presence looked like, Mallory isn't anywhere near that size. Maybe half that, if anything, and comparable in size to both Ho-oh and Lugia.)

"How," Maria asks with a raised eyebrow, "did you do that?"

"I'm getting good at illusions," Mallory says, a little smugly. "Comes with practice. Also, not gonna lie, it is really satisfying to surprise you for once."

The eyebrow goes higher. "Are you still angry about the clocktower?"

"Angry's not the right word and you know it."

Dee clears her throat. "And this is not why we called her here, is it?"

Mallory groans. "No. It's not."

"Then why did you?" Maria asks.

"Because... I..."

Mallory's gaze finds the ground. At least, it probably does, it's a little difficult to tell with her sometimes, especially in this new form.

But, eventually, she speaks again.

"I'm not human anymore," Mallory says at last. "I never will be again. And the thing is, I don't hate being like this. The illusions are nice. Being able to help people instead of hurting them's nice. I was good at being a Hunter, but I never really... liked it."

"Those who did genuinely like it," Maria replies, "were more often than not liable to end their lives on the Crow's blades."

"Yeah. But you liked being good at it, right? You liked being useful."

"...Yes," Maria says, after a pause.

"It was fucking awful even once I got good at it. For me." She pauses, her spiked tail lashing back and forth behind her. "So it's nice to be able to do something different. And it's nice to be home."

"Even if you aren't human any longer?" Maria asks.

Mallory's gaze snaps back up to Maria, eyes narrowing. "Yeah. Especially then."

"We've been... busy, over the past days, as well," Dee chimes in. "Professor Oak is as certain as I that, while Mallory certainly wasn't a Pokémon initially... she is now. For better or for worse."

"Running theory," Mallory says, "is that this world didn't like me coming in and doing godlike things without being one. Stuck around too long, and... this happened."

"Something like that has happened before," Dee says. "Not only to gods, though those examples are the best known. Deoxys in Hoenn was initially quite alien, but has since become far more acclimated. The Clefairy line might also have once been something entirely different."

"I... see." Maria pauses. "If I am understanding this correctly... anything that is not reasonably similar to a human, and not a Pokémon, will eventually become a Pokémon?"

"It does seem so, yes!"

"...Should we be worried about Henryk's dog?"

Dee considers this. "Likely not, the timescale involved in most cases is far too large for any non-immortal beings—the changes in Clefairy likely occurred after several generations, and Mallory is... well..."

"I had been telling the world where to shove it for months already," Mallory says without a hint of remorse. "Not too surprised it eventually decided to bite back. But that's not all."

"Oh?"

"After... everything," Mallory says, "Ho-oh and Lugia asked to speak with me. Privately. Lugia was still pretty unimpressed with my... everything... but less outright willing to attack me over it, that was her following Giovanni's orders while she still had to. And Ho-oh..."

"Ho-oh," Dee says, "is far younger than Lugia. He came first, shortly after this world began. But the gods of this world most often come in threes. Such as Johto's Legendary Beasts—Entei, Raikou, Suicune. And Kanto's Legendary Birds—Zapdos, Moltres, Articuno."

"But Lugia and Ho-oh have been a duo for a long time. Life's beginning. Life's rebirth. And..." Mallory hesitates, her tail stilling in place behind her. "Life's end, and what happens after. They made me an offer. That could be me."

"They did what," Maria says, a little faintly.

"That," Mallory says, unhelpfully. "I'm not sure if I'll accept yet. But it'd be nice to belong again. It'd be nice to be able to... mean something again. Not too much would even change on the surface, Dee's already two steps shy of being a Chosen like you."

"I did get that impression," Maria says. "What was the catch?"

Mallory stares at her for a long moment, then throws back her head and cackles. "Of course you'd think there's a catch! Which. Well. There is. Either I accept my past, or I sever myself from it entirely."

The raised eyebrow goes back up, this time in conjunction with the other. "Do you intend to ask me for advice regarding that, because I am far from the best person to ask for advice regarding anything—"

"No! No. Just..." Mallory sighs. "A few weeks ago, even a few days ago, I would have known exactly what to do. But now I'm not sure. So. I want a rematch."

"...Against me?" Maria asks.

"Against your Pokémon," she says, "directed by you. I've been... figuring out how this works, I think. I trust Dee to direct me, she's better at this than she thinks. She's better at most things than she thinks."

(Dee silently opens her mouth to argue, then shuts it again.)

"And the outcome of this battle," Maria says, "will determine what you do?"

Mallory nods. "If you win, I'll... I'll talk to her. I'll tell her the truth. And I'll try to hope she won't hate me. I didn't pick the route my mom lived on for shits and giggles."

"If I lose..."

"I forget about it. I kill my past, if I have to, because this—this isn't sustainable. I know that." Mallory inhales sharply, and admits, "And I really want a rematch now that your mental health isn't in the fucking gutter, even if it's not quite the same."

Maria regards her for a long moment, considering this.

"Very well," she says at last. "I accept."

The video ends there.]

[melishade]

This is more of a PSA announcement if anything. A warning of people you should DNI. Like at all! Because this situation is getting so fucking ridiculous the longer I learn about this shit.

There was this Youtuber that I followed: Lily Orchard. I used to follow her for years. I started following her...between the fourth and fifth season of My Little Pony Gen 4. So since I was in high school. I followed her for at least a decade. I looked up to her and her work for years and thought she was a good role model.

I was wrong.

I've heard rumors about some of the accusations and chose to ignore it when I was younger, thinking it was slander. But it wasn't true. I had actually found out about all the shit she's done just a few months ago from @asunnycoffee and it is absolutely horrid. I mean there's:

Racism Sexism Homophobia Transphobia Brownfacing Lying Support of slavery through her written fanfics Grooming of her fans (BTW she's thirty) Stalking Harassment Hard Implications of Incest in her work Manipulations Gaslighting Emotional abuse Mental Abuse Complete and utter narcissism of this bitch. And so much more that I'm certain one of it could violate some international law.

She's like a fake liberal Catilyn Jenner. But as far as I know, Jenner didn't fucking molest her sister. Because that's exactly what Lily Orchard did to @pleasetiemyshoe AKA Courtney Orchard.

I can't believe I actually looked up to her I feel so fucking sick

Now because I am new to this and really just an outsider perspective learning about this, I'm going to botch any and all explanations of this in detail. Luckily there is a masterpost of all the shit that Lily Orchard has done in detail. https://www.tumblr.com/lily-orchard-gossip-blog/692978295298572288/a-quick-summary-of-lily-orchard?source=share

And there are a bunch of trigger warnings to this and it will be in the tags if you cannot handle it. That is fine to avoid.

But instead of Lily, ya know, owning up to her mistakes and possibly explaining her side of the story, she's done nothing but double down and accuse everyone that come out to expose her for her shit behavior as 'stalkers', 'TERFs', 'Racists' (even though she's fucking brownfacing. Which by the way, fuck her. I already deal with blackfacing enough as it is and she wants to appropriate a culture for views. GOD WHY DID I LOOK UP TO HER WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?!) She will slander anyone that doesn't agree with her and do everything in her power to destroy them. And she will use her fanbase to do so. If the fans so much as harass, slander, misgender, and tell people to off themselves that have critiqued Lily in the past, she does nothing. She lets this shit happen. And usually when a creator or a person of power doesn't say anything to stop their fans from doing heinous actions, it's basically giving permission to the people to fucking do it. A perfect example of this is how Trump weaponized his own people to attack the US Capitol.

And it's not just Orchard. It's also her wife Mikaila Orchard, and a former ex now friend, Ginger. Both have followed Orchard's behavior, refused to call her out on anything and have also actively used their platforms to harass people that Orchard deems as an enemy.

And I wish I was fucking joking about any and all of this fucking nonsense, and if I'm wrong I would take it all back! But there are so many people who've come out against her and explained how much of a shit person she is including:

@as8bakwthesage (BTW check out their art it is lovely. And Sage I'm on a transformers forum if you want to join. We have fun.)

@britts-galaxy-brain

@asunnycoffee (A sweet delight. Who's 18, BTW! So Orchard is not above harassing fucking teenagers! And she's not above grooming them either!)

@opinated-user

@pleasetiemyshoe (Her sister. She also posts pictures about cats. But the stuff she talk about with her sister gets really fucking intense. Proceed with caution.)

@glyphosatesolarize

@thetimelordbatgirl

@lily-orchard-gossip-blog

Lizzy Orchard (Which in summary, was Orchard former girlfriend. Orchard claimed Lizzy abused her when really it was the other way around. Lizzy was harassed and bullied off of tumblr and Orchard took her last name which is weird because why the hell would you take the last name of your abuser.

Blake (Lily threatened violence on Blake's fiancee)

Josh Scorcher (An MLP fan. He and Lily used to be friends and there was a fallout)

Patch (IDK if Patch is on tumblr or not)

Poppy and Zena

And that's from what I can remember! That's over ten people that is ringing out warning signs to avoid Orchard at all costs. If it was one person, I'd be skeptical. But 10?! 10! That should be enough to avoid her at all costs! Another perfect example of this situation is when 30 women came out against Cosby and said he SA'd them. Again, when it is multiple people telling different stories that come to the same conclusion, then it's not something that you can deny.

Orchard is a terrible, human being, and you need to avoid her at all costs, and Mikaila and Ginger. These are the names of the channels you should avoid (because sometimes she'll use other people to spy on accounts that critique her and make alt accounts herself to spy on others and make herself look better:

lily-orchard mikaila-orchard lily-orchard-fanart sucky-boi (an alt account) lexyr-kryo (not an alt of Orchard, but the user misgendered Sage and I don't take kindly to that) ginger-snap-talkin-nonsense (Gringer has been known to harass Sunny, who is 18) So block those accounts and follow the others that I mentioned above. Please boost this post as much as you can to help other people avoid them. Although there will be some heavy stuff in some of those accounts, so please proceed with caution. also there's evidence that she wrote an incest story called Stockholm

[gender-archival]

I know none of us really post to this blog a whole lot anymore (sorry for that, life just got in the way), but I’ve got something to say and this has the biggest platform of all my MOGAI/LIOM related accounts, so here I am. I should also say that I don’t exactly know how to word this post. Normally, when any of us have gotten involved in these situations in the past, there’s already been some amount of criticism of said thing before hand, so it was easy to just say “hey, [x]/[x] is wrong/what have you” and leave it at that. This time, though, I’ve never seen anyone else talk about this, and if they have, it’s very clearly not a known thing at the moment. I haven’t even seen any posts from the coiner of this suffix about it. So it feels (to me, at least) that I should do a little more and I’m not sure what that ‘more’ is/should be. 

I should also say, I don’t intend this to be a callout of any particular user/users or to cause a witch hunt or anything like that. This is just an information post to maybe avoid another -coric situation, where it it’s become so consistently misused that it almost feels like there won’t ever be a point where it completely stops. Please don’t be mean to anyone who does the thing I’m about to talk about or anything like that. If anyone would like to kindly bring their attention to the issue, go for it, but don’t be anything less than 100% civil.

With all that out of the way, the post:

There’s veen a lot of misuse of the suffix -ica, recently, and I figured someone should clear that up. And since this account has more than 1000 followers and I’ve noticed it, I figured it should be me. 

-ica is a suffix coined on November 19, 2020, by now inactive user Genderstalgia. It, along with -ical and -musica, were coined as suffixes specifically for Musicagenders. That phrase was actually used verbatim in the coining post if anyone would like to fact check me on it. It’s not a general-use, uncoined suffix, like -ic or -ian to name a few, or something like -cenic that was coing to be used for pretty much anything. It, along with its counterparts, have a very explicit, relatively narrow, meaning.

Despite that, there’s been a surge of misuse of it over the past few months to a year (the archive on here and on the site are a good bit behind, so I’m not completely up to date). Thankfully, it hasn’t gotten as vad as -coric or even -comfic, but it’s definitely an issue. To the extent that we’ve created a list for them on Genderpedia and one that has more than double digit pages, here. That page isn’t linked so anyone can go harass the coiners with terms listed there or to drive traffic to the site, it’s just to demonstrate that there is a good amount of terms that are a part of this issue. In addition to that, there are multiple terms that we haven’t archived for whatever reason (mostly just time and fluctuating dis/interest).

I don’t know what specifically I can encourage anyone do outside of a few things. Anyone who has or thinks they might have terms that misuse -ica, or any other suffix for that matter, just go check! And, if you find them, just find a different suffix! There are coined things like -cenic and, in some specific cases, -aesic, -corian, -comfin, etc. (although those last ones do have specific definitions that might not fit, so check those too) and non-coined, general things, like -ic and -ian, or even a currently-unused look-alike like -eca, -yca, or something else like that!

Also, I’d generally recommend checking to see if any kind of suffix/term ending you’ve about to use has been coined and if it would apply. I know that’s crazy hard, because of how many there are and have been coined, and scattered information, but there are some sources that can help. We have an incomplete list of affixes, here, there’s the suffixes carrd, here, and there’s the account Coiningaffixes, here.

I know, looking at the coric/comfic/etc situations, there’s no way this one post will fix everything. It’s just unrealistic to thing that. But hopefully the reach this account has and, hopefully, general encouragement of checking for coinings and being willing to change term names will do something to start to make a dent. In all of these situations!

Thank you for reading, especially this long of a post from a practically inactive account, and have a good night! - Admin Grey

[kyra45]

Guide to spotting donation scam accounts

I am aware there is multiple guides posted by other accounts but this one is my own based around my posts I’ve made over the months of running this blog. If you already know how to spot scams, then good! Someone else might not.

If you appreciate all the work I did to make this post accurate and easy to understand, feel free to share it and link it to anyone who might need info. If you want to show thanks in another way, I take pocket change by tips. My pinned post also has links to quick access posts that are about scams.

Not all blogs who ask for aid are scammers! Legitimate people do exist it’s just that scammers will take their information and use it as their own in order to get the money for themself. This post is most meant to be a through guide into finding these scam posts more easily at a glance.

So here is a guide to spotting donation scam accounts under a readmore as it is a long post.

Check how old the blog is by seeing if their archive is enabled. You can also guess this by scrolling the blog and seeing if the posts made are entirely random or seem to come from a certain trending tag. Also check the date of the reblogged post by turning on timestamps. Backdated posts are when a user reblogs a post then goes into post editor and tries to make their reblog look older then it actually is. A common mistake is the new date is even older then the post itself was made meaning the user has went and backdated the post to make their account look older than it is. If the archive is disabled, you may only find ~20 posts shared within seconds of the others.

If they sent you an ask to share their post, did it request you to answer privately? People who are requesting aid are generally wanting a public audience to share their post and would not generally tell someone to answer their ask privately unless their up to something suspicious. If your ask says to answer privately, try using tumblr search to see if it was sent to multiple users. An example of an ask is below.

(Image has alt text! But I will still copy/paste the ask below as well.)

“hi!! I hope you dont find this ask strange, weird or whatever you call it :( Just wanted to ask a favor if you could possibly check the post I pinned for my cats? It’s on this blog, please do check if you have a spare time and reblog/boost it. Im so sorry if I did bother you, just need some help. Please do send me a msg to reply or answer the ask privately, please 😭 🙏 🙏 🐈 “

These asks are known as scam asks, though most commonly sent by blogs that are using content stolen from a legitimate fundraiser for a pet that is needing veterinary care. They are sent to multiple users who have shared a popular or trending post and is sent regardless of it the user would share the post or not. As it stands so far, most accounts who send these asks are scams.

Another type of donation scam is when a user will save the medical photographs of someone’s fundraiser and repost them to say it’s theirs. These can be graphic hospital images stolen off Instagram/Facebook and used in a fabricated story claiming it’s the users grandparent or child of who needs help. Most often, though, there is multiple images used that may not match up with the story itself. Scammers may even fake a funeral fundraiser using a similar method of stolen content.

Above all, donation accounts also will steal Instagram photographs to impersonate people and give them made up names. There are cases where scammers have made fraudulent GoFundMe’s with stolen images and made up stories about sensitive topics in order to get money. It’s important to pay attention and see if the suspected scam account is answering questions about their situation or if their asks and messages are turned off. This is usually a sign they may not be legitimate and are avoiding any questions about their legitimacy.

You may also want to pay attention to the support links given that lead to methods of sending cast. If the local currency isn’t matching up with the given information, it may be sign of a scammer. The most common example is someone asking for $USD but the local currency would be something else and they don’t supply a currency conversion anywhere in their post or explain why it doesn’t match. However, this is just a common scam tactic.

In closing, there are other minor ways to spot donation scam accounts. Such as searching their username up in tumblr search or just asking them to send you more information that relates to their situation. Above all, one of the best things you can do is examine the askers blog closely and see if there’s anything suspicious and do your own research before asking around.

And remember, always report confirmed scam accounts for phishing like so:

Report -> Something else -> Illegal uses or Content -> Phishing

[archiveikemen]

Liam Evans Main Story: Chapter 4 — Premium

I do not own any of the Ikemen Series content being uploaded on this blog, everything belongs to CYBIRD. Please support them by downloading and playing their games.

read this before interacting with my posts

(Like this…?)

While my eyes were closed, something was placed in my hands and a fresh smell filled my nose.

— You can open your eyes now, Kate.

When I opened my eyes, I saw a bouquet of fresh pink modern roses in my arms.

The moment I became aware of it, the scent of flowers smelled stronger and sweeter.

Kate: This is…

Liam: This is for you. Thanks for sparing me your time tonight, Kate.

Kate: You didn't have to. I should be the one giving you a gift for that performance…

Liam: These flowers are to thank you for watching me. So…

Liam: If you don't accept them, they won't have an owner.

(He has a point. In that case…)

Kate: Thank you so much, Liam. I’ll be sure to cherish them well, so that they’ll keep blooming for a long time.

Kate: If I display them by my room’s window, they’ll definitely bring a smile to my face tomorrow morning.

Liam: If flowers can make you smile every morning, then I’ll give you however many flowers you want!

Liam: — Anyway, can I have your feedback? Take it as if I’m asking you to praise me.

There wasn't a hint of Mercutio’s character as shrugged his shoulders.

Kate: It was magical and so captivating. It was as if the character was brought to life and standing before me.

Kate: Your performance moved my heart, and… I was reminded of my dream that I’ve been hiding deep in my heart.

Liam: … A dream?

(Ah…)

Kate: Um, it’s nothing great…

Liam: Why? Tell me about it. I want to know everything about you.

His tone was soft, but there was a sincere look in his rose coloured eyes.

Kate: I want to help others to not be afraid of what tomorrow will bring them,... by writing a story.

It was the first time I told anyone about that dream.

Liam didn't laugh when I told him what my dream was, he only nodded with a tender expression on his face.

Liam: “Help others to not be afraid of tomorrow”, hm. I like it. … Yup, that sounds good.

Liam: I’m sure working as a fairytale writer will be a useful experience to help you fulfil that dream.

Liam: … Hey, Kate.

Liam, who was standing on stage, crouched down to look me in the eyes.

(...?)

Liam: What do you think about observing only me for the next one month and writing about me in your report?

Kate: Write about you…?

Liam: That's right. Not about Crown, but about me as a person. It's because the finest stories are the ones with the best main character.

Liam: I’m confident that I can satisfy and charm you. I’ll shine even brighter just for you.

Liam: If you do that, one month will fly past before you know it, and you can return to your original life.

Liam: And as long as you're by my side, I can protect you. Isn't that the best idea?

(That’s a very attractive offer, and it sounds way too good for me.)

(But—)

Kate: But wouldn't you gain nothing from that?

Liam: Eh? I do. I get to be the closest person to you, a step or two ahead from the other guys in Crown.

Liam: Ahaha just imagining it already sounds great!

Kate: …!

I couldn't help but smile at his straightforward response.

(... Oh, I see.)

(I want to be like Liam. Sparkling and shining brightly, and touching people’s hearts.)

I didn’t think that would ever happen, though.

(Someday I’ll be just like Liam — and then I’ll become someone who can give to others.)

Kate: Well then, thank you, Liam.

Liam: No problem.

(Oh!)

Kate: I’ll definitely pay you back for the ticket. I want to pay for the nice things I receive.

Liam: …

Liam: Pfft ahahaha! You’re so funny, Kate.

Kate: Huh? I’m being serious—

Liam chuckled and held his hand out to me.

Liam: Want to come onto the stage? Come on, take my hand.

Upon being urged by him, I took his hand and he held me by my waist as he pulled me up onto the stage.

When I stood on the stage, I was blinded by the spotlight shining directly onto me.

Kate: I can’t believe you always have to stand under such a bright light… you're amazing.

Liam: I’m not amazing yet. I’ll work even harder to charm you. Perhaps I can play the role of Romeo next time.

Liam got down on one knee and held my hand in a practised gesture…

Liam: “I’m no sailor, but even if you were on the furthest shore… I’d risk going out to sea, just for a treasure like you” // Original script: “I am no pilot. Yet, wert thou as far as that vast shore washed with the farthest sea, I would adventure for such merchandise.”

He kissed the back of my hand with his smiling, rosy lips.

The feeling of Liam’s moist lips on my skin was so bewitching, and it made me suddenly very aware that he was a man.

(... This feels like I’ve been gently nibbled by a cat precious to me.)

Liam: Your face is bright red, Kate. Cute~

Kate: I-It’s not…

Liam: Oh, really? Then let’s leave it at that. For now…

Liam’s innocent smile was so radiant as he basked in the spotlight.

(... I no longer fear facing my tomorrows. Liam has made me smile so many times now.)

Liam: Kate, wait for me at the entrance. I’ll be right with you after I change my clothes.

Liam parted ways with Kate and went to the wings of the stage.

At that very moment — it started raining in his heart.

ℹ️ this is a metaphor, referring to a sorrowful feeling.

Liam: … Ugh.

No matter how hard he tried to brush it off, the rain never stopped. Slowly, the voice of “someone” echoed in his head.

[Liam's POV]...

… Hey, Liam. Why are you trying so hard to get on friendly terms with Kate?

(... I just want to be useful to Kate.)

You’re doing this for Kate? Haha, you fool. You’re only being nice to her for your own sake, aren’t you?

(... Ggh.)

You just don’t want to be hated, you don't want to be hated, don't want to be hated, that's all it is!

Liam: … I know that. That's why… I have to keep at it.

— In hopes that I won't make another grave mistake and destroy everything with my own hands.