#though about k*ing myself again

[jaqkiwine]

(ᵕ—ᗜ—)

[circeyoru]

Collection of Overlords _ Part 15 = Requested

[Alastor x Soul Owner of All Overlords!Reader]

Part 1 — Part 1.5 — Part 2 — Part 3 — Part 4 — Part 5 — Part 6 — Part 7 — Part 8 — Part 9  — Part 10 — Part 11 — Part 12 — Part 13 — Part 14 — Part 15 (here) — Part 16 — Epilogue

“Now then…” All attention was on the one remaining individual on the platform. 

Valentino finally got back up on his two feet and snapped, “I never gave up on my title! I still hold mine!” He pointed at his former teammates, “It’s those a**h*les that gave up.”

You sighed, “Yes, yes, I know that.” You threw the necklace you’ve taken from Vox at him. “They left of their own accord and you never had a say in it. Even one member is still a group, I guess. So you’re now just the V Overlord.”

Valentino picked up the necklace with neither grace nor elegance, one of his eyes narrowed as he eyed it, “What the f**k’s this for?”

That one thoughtless comment made everyone snap their attention to the lone demon on the platform, their eyes glowing with malice and their forms and aura turning on edge and hostile. Your Cages all glared their beady eyes at the Moth Demon, wanting to tear into his form for such disrespect. Meanwhile, you couldn’t care less because it was practically exacted that he was going to make such a comment.

Before any of your loyal Overlords could do anything to punish Valentino for his actions, Husk rose from his seat with his hand raised by his face. “If I may.” Everyone looked over to him, you gave Husk a nod of approval to continue, amusement and anticipation already bubbling within you. “As a new returned Overlord, I want to prove myself once more.”

“How so? Haven’t you done enough?” Alastor taunted to Husk’s side, his eyes glowed dangerously at Husk’s claims. “Here to challenge my place?”

“Maybe not now.” Husk smirked back, undeterred with his goal. His smirk dropped as he stared down at Valentino and pointed a clawed finger at him. “I want to challenge Valentino for a soul contract.” He turned to you with a bow, “With My Sovereign’s permission and accursed blessing.”

You huffed with a small twitch that showed a smirk.

“He can’t f***ing do that! Contracts can’t be challenged like this!” Valentino screamed profanities. “Dont like just because the Vees are separated now and you just getting minor praise can make you some useful sh*t.”

“You have no right to say that, only Our Sovereign can make that decision.” Zeezi spoke up with her arms crossed over her chest, “You think all your soul contracts you own is yours to keep? Think again.” She growled, “Everything in Hell is Our Sovereign’s possession, including souls of all Sinners.” 

All other Overlords stared down at Valentino as Zeezi laid the last obvious point. “This is the fundamental information all Overlords know. The truth.”

Everyone’s solemn gaze on Valentino made him speechless and for the first time in forever, Valentino didn’t argue or shout anything from his mind. Though his self-control was long overdue since your patience has long ran out. 

“Voice your thoughts, Husk.” You announced since Valentino was knocked in his place. 

“Yes.” Husk bowed to you before appealing to his Overlord companions. “It’s obvious that Valentino doesn’t treat his people kind or well, but this is Hell so what’s the harm. No problem, right? No. Not when it’s about my friend.”

Zestial chuckled, his palm opening as he gestured to Husk. “Cousin? Overlords needeth only dominance ov’r their souls and controleth.  If ‘t be true it’s a meag’r matt’r such as this, p’rhaps thou art foolish to returneth. (Friend? Overlords need only dominance over their souls and control. If it’s a meager matter such as this, perhaps you are foolish to return.)”

Rosie laughed, covering her mouth with his hand from time to time, “If that’s all then, Alastor’s the same right? I doubt he treated you any better but no one came to defend you. Aren’t you being too righteous for a mere Sinner?”

Zeezi snickered, “Maybe he should be redeemed.”

“I have sworn loyalty to My Sovereign.” Husk reaffirmed. “It’s not as simple as wanting my friend to be treated better…” Husk’s hand balled into a fist. “If his soul is to be owned by anyone, I’d rather it be me.”

“If you do own your friend’s soul, I doubt you can maintain your current relationship with him.” Carmilla noted. 

“Why ever not? Niffty is a wonderful gal to be around. Even when I force her in the hotel.” Alastor grinned with his head tilted to the side.

“That’s your business.” Vox mumbled, but the demons heard him either way.

Husk snapped his fingers, “Oh, did I mention his name? He’s Angel Dust, porn star, addict and more. But the most important point is that he is the Princess of Hell’s first client in her Haz- Happy Hotel.” He placed a hand over his chest while gesturing to Valentino, “So isn’t it better for a figure like him to be under my command than Valentino?”

“Deary, your point doesn’t stand. If that’s the case, the most trusted and favoured of Our Liege’s collection should be the one to own that soul.” Rosie said innocently.

“I can leverage with our friendship or former friendship and closer bond.” Husk pointed out.

A resounding clap made everyone’s bickering stop as they all turned to you who was smiling eerily, “Let’s have the star of the talk here then, hm? This wouldn’t end anytime soon if I let you all continue.” With a snap of your fingers, a vortex appeared in the area nearest to you a few meters above the ground. No sooner, a figure was dropped onto the platform. “Welcome, Angel Dust, or should I call you Anthony?”

“Ow ow ow…” Angel slowly got up, the first figure his eyes landed on was you. He didn’t even hide his shock but there was a hint of expectedness in his eyes, his gaze scanned to the right and then left side of you, spotting the other Overlords all staring down at him. His gaze showed shock and confusion when he noticed Husk. “Husk…?”

Husk didn’t say anything but stared back, hoping Angel would understand the situation he’s in and remain calm. With Alastor beside Husk as well, Angel was more keen on staying as tamed as possible, plus he didn’t want to cross you anytime soon or in the future.

“Angel Dust!” Valentino screamed the spider demon’s name. “Get you a** over here this instant!”

Angel didn’t even need to move before a transparent dome in the form of a cage encased him from within. It appeared the moment there was a snap of your fingers. You declared, “There will be no ordering Angel around nor harming him. He’s my guest after all.” You waved your hand in Husk’s direct and he disappeared from his booth to reappear on the platform next to Valentino. “But he’s also the subject of this discord in my presence.”

A contract formed hovering over your open palm, one with a distinctive signature from Angel himself. Valentino bit back his words as he clenched his fists to his side while glaring at Husk from the side of his eyes behind his glasses, unable to move against you. Husk watched with relief as Angel’s contract was now in your hands. 

Different from what you have done with Husk’s contract, you asked Alastor for it and he gave. Of course he was already in on the ploy and have long agreed to set Husk free from his leash, as it was your will. However, with Valentino, you had forcefully taken the contract from him without room for a fight. Such was your power and authority over souls, you could just control everyone in Hell, yet you, to some degree, offer freedom and free rein for them to do as they please. 

Though, one could also argue you allowed all this because you wanted to watch the souls under your suffer and torture themselves in their unique way. 

“What is all this?” Angel questioned as he gripped the bars, looking up at you. “What do you want?”

“Nothing more than to bring back peace within my collection, dear Angel.” You hummed with a small smile. “You can sit back and relax, for you have little to do. All you need to know is there might be a change of ownership for your soul.” Ignoring Angel’s shock look, you focused on Husk and Valentino, “There will be three rounds to determine the master of Angel’s soul. First two rounds are each of your choice, and the last is a secret. Whoever has more wins, will take this contract.”

Valentino turned to look over at Velvette and Vox.

“There will be no assistance of any kind.” You interrupted Valentino’s thoughts. “You are your own Overlord, you don’t share your title any more. You will find that summoning your soul contractees here to do your bidding won’t work as well.”

“Fine.” Valentino dropped his glare, he took out his guns from under coat and his wings revealed themselves. “I’ll deciding the first round.”

“Be my guest.” Husk let Valentino do the first pick.

“Shooting.” Valentino grinned with his guns raised, target boards appeared all around. “Whoever shoots more of those… red things, wins. Uh… In one minutes or something. No… Wait, 30 seconds. We’ll take turns.”

“Easy enough.” Husk nodded.

Valentino chuckled, “You’ll regret challenging me. Fur cat.”

“Husk, back out while you still can.” Angel pleaded.

Husk looked back, giving him a reassured smile, “Look, it’s gonna be okay. This bartender is more than just that.”

“Ready, set… Go!” Valentino without waiting for Husk to get out of the way began shooting, his four arms all raised forward in a cross shape. Then his feet turned his entire body around while he continued shooting, making sure he covered all 360 degrees. 

Husk being quick on his feet and reflexes, flew up into the air, easily avoiding all the bullets. He watched as Valentino shot all the targets in the bullseyes without pausing to aim, no shot was missed. By the time 30 seconds was over, all the targets had a bullet hole. 

“That’s 360 shots.” Carmilla counted. 

Valentino pridefully smirked as he pocketed away his guns. “Let’s see you beat that. Kitty cat.”

“Yeah, sure.” Husk materialized a deck of cards and held a few cards like a fan. “Ready,” He raised his hand. “Set,” He aimed and that made the audiences’ eyes widened while Valentino wasn’t even paying attention. “Shoot.”

Husk flied his charged cards straight at Valentino. He cursed as a impaled into his wings one by one. He has screamed what Husk was doing, but Husk didn’t say a word and continued. Everyone’s eyes glued to the scene in front of them, Valentino unable to skillfully defend himself while Husk appeared to be taking free shots. But all his cards did in fact land on the ‘red things’.

From Valentino’s wings to his hat and glasses, to even the heart shaped decorations in his fur around his neck. All over Valentino’s body was Husk’s magically charged cards that prevented its removal and Valentino’s healing just worked against him as he providede more red things for Husk to target. 

Angel was gasped at the scene, yes Husk did mention he was once an Overlord, but he never imagined Husk was this ruthless and cruel. All he knew was the grumpy bartender at the hotel that jokes and plays around. You grinned while Husk remained indifferent, continuing to launch attack after attack with precision and strength. It was a wonderful decision to support Husk once more.

You turned your attention over to Alastor, though even with your eyes closed, he sensed your gaze and looked away from the scene. You nodded your head at him with a soft smile and Alastor bowed his head. He mouthed, “My pleasure to bring you the best of entertainment, My Liege.”

Note: Designing the fights is a bit hard for me cause I'm not sure how to do it, nor am I good with fight scenes, so bear with me. Husk might be a bit OOC here and later on, but I wanted him to mix some Overlord qualities and his new self together. On another note~ There's finally some Alastor stuff haha.

Circe Y. 

My Works: MASTERLIST

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[rx-wr]

🏕️~•Bad Timing•~🏕️

Part 1

Ticci Toby x reader

Tw- blood, killing, torture, death, mention of sex.

•~•~•~

I lay looking up at the ceiling of the cabin I’m staying in for the week. First day of this camp and it’s exactly how I thought it was going to be…shitty. All the campers here are annoying and the counselors I swear to god they’re all having sex at any point they can. I walked in on two the first day of camp.

I sit up and look at the people I’m rooming with. They’re all asleep. I get up and quietly walk over to the door my shoes in hand. I open the door quietly and close it. I walk down the hall and out the doors of the building.

I walk around the perimeter of the camp when I hear a sound. It sounds like giggling. I walk in the direction of the sound stopping when I catch a glimpse of something. I kneel down, in the distance is one of the campers from the cabin across from me.

She’s wearing a revealing outfitand a shit ton of makeup. She talking with a guy, I don’t recognize him, he looks around the age of me maybe a few years older.

I look over him, his back is towards me so a can’t see him that well. He has on a tan hoodie, the hood blue and the sleeves striped. The hood is off his head reviling dark brown fluffy hair. The most notable thing though is the hatchets hanging from his belt. I quirk an eyebrow at that.

He’s twitching as well. I sigh and I’m about to get up when in my peripheral vision I see him reach for one of his hatchets. With one swift movement and a scream that quickly cut off with the sound of the hatchet sinking into the girls skull. My eyes widen and I fall back. I grab my mouth to stop myself from making any noises.

Shes still moving…she alive. The guy removes the hatchet out of her skull and starts to hit her head repeatedly with it. Tears weld in my eyes as I watch him. My hand still on my mouth, flinching every time the sound of her skull cracking hits my ears.

I start to crawl away trying to be quiet. As I crawl I turn around and see the man stand up. My hand hits a pile of leaves crunching under my palm. I stop and look back. The guy is staring at me now, a mask covering the bottom part of his face.

“No! Please!” I yell out as he walks towards me. I start to crawl back but stopped when a knife sinks into my left calf. I scream and fall on my stomach. I turn my head and look. The blade if fully submerged into my skin. I look up and see the man standing over me. “Please, I won’t tell just let me go…” you beg. He seems unfazed as he lifts the butt end of his hatchet and hits me over the head with it.

~•time skip•~

When I awake again my head is pounding and my hands are chained up to a wall. I fit my head. The room I’m in is cold and dark. There a loud creek noice that comes from the other end of the room, and a light flickers on. The man from earlier walks in mask still on.

“What do you want with me?” I ask as I look at him. He says nothing as he walks up to me. He grabs my left ankle and lifts it up. On my calf is a bandage where the man had stabbed me. He removes it reaviling stitches. He cleans it and i wince as the alcohol touches the wound. “If you won’t answer that then, who are you?”

He looks at me and sigh. “T-Toby…Toby r-Rodgers…” he speaks and looks back to the wound and continues to wrap it. When he’s done he stands up. He’s about to leave but looks at you. “And t-t-to answer that question, i-i-i-I can’t have you telli-ing people what you saw…a-a-and something in me is t-t-telling me not to k-kill you. So y-you’ll be here with me for a w-w-while…” he says then leaves closing the door behind him with a thud. The lights go out shortly after. Great…I’m stuck in this room for god knows how long…with a axe murder walking upstairs

……

What could go wrong…?

[kinkandkreep]

imm ask for moreeeeee if you don’t mind 🤭

srsly your Shuji ones were so good, so i GOTTA KNOW sum about dear Kenchin 🩷 [D, F, I, K, O]

thanks again, lovingggg your TR content~

Hey hey sug, good to see you again! 👋🏾Thanks for sending this in! I’m glad you’ve been enjoying the ride thus far, I’ve honestly really been enjoying myself as well. I hope you enjoy! And y’all feel free to peruse my NSFW Alphabet and send in more requests! 😁

Ken “Draken” Ryuguji: 

D= Dirty Secret (self-explanatory)

So 👏🏾

Let’s expose ole’ Kenny-kins 😈

Bro, the literal first thing that came to mind for Ken is that he is secretly into crossdressing

Like yes he is a badass and yes he will rock your shit with little effort but he is still a pretty princess and don’t you fuckin’ forget it 😤

His name is literally Ken; tats and scars and shaved head aside, he’s handsome enough to be like a literal Ken doll and you can’t convince me otherwise

His desire to dabble in crossdressing also coincides with his feminization kink

Oops, wait, that letter comes later 🤭

Don’t mistake, Ken can and absolutely does still maintain his role as a dom

But every now and then…

Every once in a while…

Our boi just wants to be ogled and smooched and told how pretty he is 🥺

And if that happens while he’s wearing this sexy little number then even better 🤷🏾‍♀️

F= Favorite position

As I mentioned previously, Ken really favors any position in which he and his lover are facing each other

He’s into intimate shit like that

He really likes cowgirl, the Lotus and just about all of the standing positions

He especially favors pile-driving and 69-ing 

And he likes picking you up and bouncing you on his cock, so any position where he can do that is a yes for him as well

(For my heavier girls, have no fear, Ken is adjustable and if he really feels the need, he will absolutely just hit the gym harder to get strong enough to pick you up. He’s already plenty buff though, so I just wouldn’t worry. 💪)

I= Intimacy (do they prefer to “fuck” or “make love”)

🎶I WANNA MAKE LuOooOOOoOooOoVE IN DIS CLUB 🎶

Kenny-kins prefers to make ~luove~

But he is also quite partial to a good fuck 🧐

Like, on a normal day: the birds are chirpin’, the sun is shinin’, and by some miracle people have managed not to piss him off for once, Kenny-kins would love to take his time with you

With gentle hands and slow, yet fervent touches

Ken breaks you down and builds you back up in the most loving, intimate way possible

But then, on any other day…

The sky is overcast, traffic is way too loud and Mikey has managed to get under Ken’s skin at just the right angle to nick the vein and suddenly!

Ken is fucking you within an inch of your life 😂

This also happens very often after brawls

He’s so hopped up on adrenaline that he needs an outlet, and you just happen to be the perfect one 😏

K= Kink (kinks/preferences)

Let’s do a rapid fire round for these (this list will not be comprehensive, I'll just be making mention of his main kinks here)

Ready? Lesgo!

Feminization

Crossdressing

Bondage/Shibari

Pegging

Sounding 👀 (this is a very particular one and because of the potential risks associated with it Ken will only do this with someone who is experienced and in a safe, controlled environment)

Name calling (i.e being called “daddy” or “sir” normally, being called “pretty boy” or “baby” when crossdressing)

Breathplay

Barebacking

Biting (not too too hard or nothin’, just gentle little nips and the occasional harsher bite, enough to leave an indent but not break skin)

Impact play

Collaring

Size kink

PRAISE KINK (please don’t ever be hesitant to tell this man how good he is and how good he’s making you feel, he will simply melt if you do)

O= Oral (receiving vs. giving, skill/talent level)

I’ma just say it outright, Kenny-kins is a fantastic head giver 😂

Like he’s got a naturally talented, highly tensile tongue, a good bit of experience and an eagerness to please

Like what more do you need? 🙃

Ken loves tongue fucking you, either your throat or your pussy, doesn’t really matter

Both are soft and wet and pliant once he gets ahold of them anyway so 🤷🏾‍♀️

Wait wait 🫣

Girl I be makin’ my own self flustered I need to chill 😂

But yeah, Ken has definitely made you squirt before with just his tongue

He 100% takes pride in that too

Again I say, I hope you enjoyed these hun! I feel like these were maybe a little goofier than Shuji’s but I just get so giddy at the thought of Ken that I can’t help but be at least a little silly. 🤪Oh, and please feel free to send in any more letters and characters from the list that you’re curious about, it’s no problem for me. 😁Have a good one! 👋🏾

[qumiiiquinnquin]

im scared to tell my psychiatrist i tried to end myself twice within a month (sep-oct). i dont know why i am. i have to call the office myself since im an adult now, but im really scared making phonecalls. i have to do it because its been since april that ive seen my psychiatrist but i have to do it. i dont know when ill do it, im too scared. that fear frustrates my family a lot. i feel like im already a failure of an adult and will continue to be like that forever.

today was mostly good, just uneventful until this evening. but now im feeling depressed and i want to cry until i cant anymore, but i cant cry, so i just feel bad. i dont feel tired so i dont want to sleep, but its almost midnight so i should soon. im feeling stressed out about needing to call the psychiatrist's office, so i dont feel like i can relax at all.

ive just been feeling bad a lot lately but thats not new, i say think that to myself every other week or so. whats making me sad the most right now is hating my art. i dont have any confidence in my art but i want to get better, but i dont think i ever will. i will always have mediocre talent, no matter how hard i try. i keep thinking about burning my physical art and either deleting my digital art or just even destroying my laptop, though the latter is very excessive, but i still think about it every now and then out of frustration. i want to give up but i really dont know what else id do, ive always drawn since i was very little, its always made me happy. i really want to not care how upset stopping would make people, including myself, but if i dont stop out of just purely giving up, i probably will stop because i k!lled myself.

every day is feeling the same, it even felt that way when classes were still going. i got so used to the schedule that i got used to the systematic cycle. i partially dont want classes to start again because of that, its boring and the amount of work is stressful, im just going to go back to breaking down and nearly attempting from stress and lack of confidence that i can really do this, that i can really power through and get the degree i want. i keep getting told im smart and always work hard, but that really doesnt mean anything now. being and doing those things doesnt suddenly mean that because of those things, ill survive the stress. it only actually makes it worse, like im ridiculous for feeling the pressure and have the mental health collapses that i do because of college, that im not trying hard enough and am lazy.

for some reason the desire for love has been on my mind and i dont know why, youve seen the pathetic longing things i say about romance. right now i feel like i am missing out and am a failure by societal standards for not even have dated in my life, and i still dont have a partner at 18 years old. i feel extremely lonely to the point that seeing other couples makes me depressed, which is probably selfish of me. i feel like and believe now that i will always be alone. i know i am not beautiful to anyone, i know i am not funny, i am not interesting, im a pain in the ass, im too much to deal with and am just unlovable in general. i hate feeling this way, i never cared about romance or relationships and have always been repulsed at the idea of me ever being loved romantically or being in a relationship. i feel stupid. i feel like a jerk. i feel like i deserve to be alone forever, and i really do. or maybe, just end myself, if im so unlovable in every way, then why not just weed myself out? whoever takes my place will be much more worth it than i ever could be. its so stupid thinking about myself d*ing from a broken heart. "just grow up, sad excuse of a grown adult." (in quotes because its a direct thought to myself towards myself, nobody else)

i really doubt everything will get better, ive felt this same exact way for 3 years now. sad, burntout, stressed, like im nothing but a problem for my family, a burden and waste of time to be around or talk to or care about. i did attempt once in 2021 but failed, obviously im still alive. i really want to try again. im really scared of pain, so im trying to find the quickest way or the least painful option. if i just call, i can get different meds or a different dosage and i wont feel this terrible. im so childish for an adult to be unable to make a fucking phonecall. i feel like next year might be it, im not sure why i get that feeling, but i dont have any reason to keep going. im not looking forward to anything. nothing is really that fun or exciting, i just try to distract myself. i know im not wanted, and im too difficult for my family.

its now a half hour after midnight because im incapable of shutting the fuck up. i might just lay down and watch youtube or cry myself to sleep, whichever happens first

[traumadumpjournal]

saw a new psych today, & the experience was actually quite positive. i’m kinda sad i won’t see them again as i’ll be transferring to another team soon (based on location). they were muslim too, & one thing we worked on was trying to alleviate the religious guilt i feel about having no contact with my family. one thing that was said that was a (much-needed) punch in the gut was: ‘if they didn’t care for you for 26 yrs, what makes you think they will start caring now?’ i mean, they were right but 🫠🫠🫠

they will also consult with the pharmacy about putting me back on medication, & what i can have. i’ve been unmedicated for just under a year now (by choice), so the decision to start taking meds again is not a light one. but i have to be v careful with what i can have, partly due to my history of stockpiling/od-ing & also how certain medications interact with my myasthenia gravis. sleep is also a big issue for me, but i can’t have medication for that as it will literally kill me 😅 i have been dealing with a lot of nightmares/unpleasant dreams, which is to be expected, but sucks big time.

they kept saying that i’ve been through a lot, a lot, a lot. it’s time to put myself first, & they are putting a lot of trust in me to be able to do that (re: reintroducing medications even though i am still having thoughts of sh/sui (passive)). i’ve also been told to not bottle things up, so here i am lol. i have to heal myself before i can think about healing family. esp if they are not ready to take accountability for their own healing. i know all of this ofc, but it’s important to be reminded.

i didn’t think i’d be divulging all my trauma today, i thought they would rely on notes from my cpn or previous psych, but i don’t feel too upset or triggered. i also asked them to pray for me.

thank you, dr k. ❤️

[ambivalence-and-torpor]

Salvis, what do you mean by taken? What exactly is your living situation?

They sigh deeply, rubbing the root of their nose and eyes briefly.

AC: Okay... hear me out. This is going to sound ridiculous, but I promise I'm not making it up. Strap in, it's a bit of a long story.

AC: The village el☽er an☽ I never quite got along. Guy was always talking ☽own to me, while at the same time for☾ing me to work for him. I built him a go☽☽amn pala☾e an☽ he refuse☽ to ☾ompensate me proper, so we fought quite a bit. AC: He ☽i☽ a bun☾h of other sha☽y shit too, whi☾h I always ☾alle☽ him out on, an☽ I was punishe☽ for it too, but he ☽i☽n't lay a han☽ on me until after I ha☽ finishe☽ my work on his buil☽ing.

AC: After I was ☽one with his home, we ha☽ another fight an☽ shortly after a floo☽ ☾ame upon the village, ☾ausing some minor an☽ in☾onvenient ☽amage to most of the buil☽ings. It was really nothing to worry about, but he blame☽ me for it. AC: He sai☽ that it was my fault, for angering the go☽s! He is the self pro☾laime☽ ☽es☾en☽ant of the go☽ of moons, an☽ the fa☾t that I woul☽ not blin☽ly submit to him was enough to anger the go☽s, so they sent a floo☽ as punishment.

AC: Absolute bullshit if you ask me. Natural ☽isasters happen. You ☾an't just blame something that woul☽ have happene☽ no matter if I was there or not on me! You ☾an't blame me for something that was entirely out of my ☾ontrol an☽ say that it was be☾ause I ☽i☽n't want to ☾rawl on han☽s an☽ knees for a ☽u☽e that's selfish an☽ gree☽y! AC: If anything, I'm pretty sure the go☽s woul☽ mu☾h more likely be pisse☽ at him an☽ his fu☾king anti☾s, but nope…

AC: I was at his pla☾e to ☾he☾k out the ☽amages, an☽ on☾e again argue☽ with him about my ☾ompensation. I ☾an't survive on water alone, an☽ my home was ☽evoi☽ of foo☽, I ha☽ to ☽o something.

AC: As it turne☽ out, that was a ba☽ i☽ea.

AC: Sin☾e I ha☽ finishe☽ everything he nee☽e☽ from me, he ha☽ ☽e☾i☽e☽ that I wasn't worth the hassle anymore. Or at least that's what I figure☽. AC: The moment my ba☾k was turne☽, my worl☽ went bla☾k. Pretty sure his protege kno☾ke☽ me out for him, sin☾e he was there ☽uring the argument.

AC: I woke ba☾k up in the wil☽ go☽'s shrine, surroun☽e☽ by foo☽, ☽resse☽ in ritual ☾lothing, a☽orne☽ with jewelry, put into ☾hains an☽ gagge☽. AC: No ☾lue how long I'☽ been kno☾ke☽ out, but it must have been several hours at the very least. My entire bo☽y was hurting, an☽ I was really thirsty. AC: They set me out as a sa☾rifi☾e, as an appeasement to the anger of the go☽s. I ha☽ outlive☽ my usefulness to him, it seeme☽.

AC: Several hours passe☽, an☽ I was ☾onvin☾e☽ that I'☽ ☽ie of ☽ehy☽ration at some point. I ☾oul☽n't ☾all for help, but even if I ☾oul☽, nobo☽y woul☽ let me out. My fate was seale☽. AC: The worst part was the bore☽om though… I was pretty mu☾h rea☽y to ☽ie if only it woul☽ alleviate my bore☽om, an☽ my a☾hing bones.

AC: To my surprise, somebo☽y ☽i☽ en☽ up visiting the shrine. Somebo☽y I ha☽ never seen before. AC: He ☾laime☽ to be the fable☽ wil☽ go☽ - whi☾h I'm not entirely sol☽ on just yet - an☽ he free☽ me from my pre☽i☾ament. AC: Though he ☽i☽n't ☽o it out of the goo☽ness of his heart. He ☾laime☽ that he owne☽ me. That I was his favorite toy. AC: Maybe be☾ause I ha☽ been presente☽ to him? That's my best guess so far.

AC: So… he took me to my home… for☾e☽ me to pa☾k my things… an☽ took me away to his… temple…

AC: An☽ that's where I am as of now… taken away from my life, from everything I've known… everything I'☽ built for myself. AC: Then again… I ☽oubt the village woul☽ have wel☾ome☽ me ba☾k after they ☽e☾i☽e☽ to sa☾rifi☾e me.

[blacklodgemusictx]

Feeling Yourself Disintegrate

I don’t have what I would consider a fear of needles.  I’m covered in tattoos.  I am perfectly willing to sit serenely in one place and be stabbed hundreds of times in a row – it’s an asset.  I deal with the repetitive psychological pain of doing my job every day the same way (civil service, amiright?)

IV placement is another matter altogether.  I seem to attract phlebotomists who forget how veins work.  Something about me says, “Dig under my skin, poke, jab, hurt me.”  After each failed venous expedition, I’m left shaking.  It’s almost like being cold: shivering, gasping, teeth clenching.

I take Ketamine infusions due to Major Depressive Disorder (Google it: there's evidence it makes old, dim synapses light up and start "talking" to each other again).  12/30/22 was my second Ketamine “booster” (after an initial series of six as close together as possible for maximum benefit, I am now taking infusions longer and longer apart trying to maintain the drug’s therapeutic benefit without being as dependent on frequency.)

This infusion was another bad stick.  Please, I beg the kind woman who runs the clinic when the Vein Abuser is out of the room, please don’t let her poke me again.  Please?  Kind Lady has never missed the target.  Her deft hand sinks the needle in place every time.  No, she assured me.  She will do it next time.

I am wrapped in a blanket, shoes off, feet reclined, giant noise cancelling headphone, padded sleep mask I bought off Amazon.  Usually, I bring lip balm as I have a weird habit of smacking my lips pretty vigorously when down my K-hole.  Today, my only focus is a small baggy of nausea candies and alcohol prep swabs – I saw a video on Facebook suggesting the quick inhalation of alcohol during a spell of nausea will sometimes help alleviate the symptoms.  As of treatment seven, the Ketamine suddenly started making me violently sick.

I hate being nauseous.  I won’t even resort to being coy: if you want my secrets, you don’t even have to torture me.  Just spin me around in an office chair for half an hour ‘til I’m sea sick.  No more, coppa, I’ll talk, I’ll talk!

The only reason I was willing to submit to getting sick again is the fact that I truly believe the Ketamine is working.  I’ve been a slave to my depression since I was ten years old.  Even though the Ketamine’s benefit so far has just been a kind of Flowers for Algernon effect (improvement that quickly wears off), the brief, clear windows of hopeful feeling have been indescribably beautiful.

(The only reason I am going in to this kind of detail instead of just saying, “Ketamine, it’s a thing I do.  And then this other stuff happened” is because I know there are people out there stumbling in the darkness that is depression who want to know what it’s like.)

I never did drugs.  People laughed at Bill Clinton when he said he smoked pot, but “did not inhale.”  I feel you, Bubba, I could never really get the hang of it either.  I was high maybe twice in high school.  I’ve done Delta 8 since people swear by CDB and all it’s offshoots for pain relief (I have crippling back pain from degenerative disk disease and spinal arthritis).  So I have a vague idea what getting “high” is, but tripping?  No clue.  I might drink once or twice a year.  For the most part, my mind is one of the few things I truly possess (if just barely), I’ve never liked the idea of using substances that could potentially make me a stranger to my own inner self.  I hate Delta 8, HATE it.  It affects my ability to form short term memories.  I refer to it as “roofie-ing” myself.

Acid, magic mushrooms?  I had no frame of reference.

And if you don’t either, here’s exactly what it’s like:  living in album covers for an hour. 

I actual fed the prompt “Describing the cover of ‘Unknown Pleasures’ to someone who has never seen it before” in to my WONDER AI generator and got some pretty close representations of what I saw.

I was instructed before my first transfusion to just get on Spotify and look for “curated ketamine playlist” to listen to during my trip.  I found the equivalent of “oooohhmmmm” bells and hippy, navel contemplation stuff.  Nothing I read mentioned anything about the vital nature of having good music with you on your journey.

My first trip was a bad needle situation (they learned to give me Clonidine beforehand to get me to calm down enough to submit my arm without hyperventilating.  The first experience being a painful one conditioned me to fear all future experiences there unfortunately.  Like I said, Kind Lady has been just right with the needle, but the other lady who works there… no… not so much).  I didn’t switch to my Ohhhmmm playlist.  I left it on my Salim Nourallah playlist.  Initially, I was just trying to calm myself, but once the IV was started, the trip happened so fast I was already falling before I realized. 

This has made all the difference.

I related this to Kind Lady later and she said there was no way to tell.  She knows a very quiet, unassuming gent (I swear she said he was a doctor or some sort of medical professional) that takes gangster rap on his trips.

My cousin is a Physician’s Assistant.  She said she had seen people come out of Ketamine situations in emergency rooms (used to set bones and such) where people who were unprepared would flip out (have a bad trip.) 

I, personally, have only had pleasant experiences (except for the recent bouts of nausea).  You are responsible for setting the tone for your own experience.  As someone whose depression has been a lifelong companion, my mind isn’t a bright or cheerful place per se, but I know myself.  It’s been a relatively intuitive process.  I don’t watch scary movies beforehand.  I try to just be calm and collected.  Stay peaceful.  The limbic system doesn’t know the difference between watching/listening to emotionally fraught material or experiencing it so I try not to take chances.

Being accompanied in to my first trip by a familiar voice was so deeply comforting.  Salim Nourallah is my favorite singer, but he also happens to be a dear friend and fantastic human being to boot. 

Ketamine (again this is all purely subjective.  Everyone’s experiences will be different) creates any level of dissociative experiences for the user.  I don’t know if it’s just because I don’t have experience with “substances,” I but I disassociate… hard.

Complete dissolution of self.  Out of body.  Soaring.  Flying.  Falling.  Colors. 

Because music is so much part of my psychological make up, it’s sounds, colors and textures interpreted in musical context: album covers.

I have cried a lot.  The feeling returns gradually to my fingers and toes, my eyes stop jittering in their sockets and reach up to feel my sleep mask is wet.  The feeling/theme to all my trips has just been overwhelming gratitude.  I feel so much love for those people I have in my life who continue to stand by me no matter how the darkness sometimes affects my mind.

Ketamine for me is half medical treatment, half vision quest.  As I the chemicals wear off and I can feel myself again, I try to listen to anything I was told.  Call it messages from the subconscious, whatever you want.  I’ve come out wanting to reach out to certain people.  I sent a message to someone else I knew of who has severe depression (a voice actor on a podcast I’ve listened to for years).  He let me send him a care package of little, cheerful things.  Another trip, I came out and message someone I used to think of as a friend who hadn’t spoken to me in 12+ years.  I cast the missive out in to the digital sea not expecting anything back… but he responded.

I curated a special playlist of songs I wanted to “disintegrate to” and have emerged and tweaked it each trip.  No song has tilted the trip to the negative, but I have taken one band off (who shall remain nameless) as – under the influence – the singer acquired super human powers of grating annoyance. 

I am allowing myself Flaming Lips songs even though I have been estranged from my fandom in their regard for over a decade now.  But you have to admit:  for tripping, they are kind of perfect.

I return to Salim though.  His voice is consistently silvery blue.  “Miette” became so achingly beautiful I could barely stand it.  There are not words to describe how meaningful it is it have the voice of a friend accompanying me in the darkness.

My playlist:

[teenmomcentral]

It’s over— again— for Bar Smith and Ashley Jones.

The on-and-off married Teen Mom: The Next Chapter couple apparently called it quits over the weekend, with Ashley taking to social media first to blast Bar for allegedly cheating on her, and to declare herself single. Bar denied that what he did was cheating, later admitting that his marriage to Ashley has been “over for a while now.” 

This is certainly not the first time the ‘Teen Mom’ stars have split and taken their breakup to social media. Back in May, Bar posted on Instagram that he and Ashley-— who have technically been married since 2021 -— had separated. He deleted the post soon after and neither him or Ashley spoke of the “split” again.

The Ashley is going to try to recap Bar and Ashley’s latest social media squabble over their split.

Things kicked off early Saturday morning when Ashley took to Twitter posting, “I told myself in would never be that bitch. It’s time for me to go.”

Ashley followed that tweet up with one stating that she gave her “all” to Bar but he still did her “greasy over a mediocre bitch.” 

When a fan responded to Ashley’s tweet with, “@BarikiSmithMTV you better not,” Ashley replied, “He did.” 

She then requested her followers send her their “fine ass brothers,” before declaring herself single and ready to mingle.

“So when you see me doing me please know I am single, and there has BEEN a line of handsome young men waiting …” Ashley wrote.

She also tweeted (then deleted), “Imagine him chatting to the bitch all Mother’s Day and she ain’t even got kids. I didn’t get flowers or nothing from the n**ha.” 

Bar jumped into things a little while later, explaining his side of the story in the comment section of @TeenMomShadeRoom’s post about Ashley’s Twitter posts implying that he cheated on her.

“Just to be clear, I was not cheating,” wrote Bar in a comment that’s since been deleted. “I had a friend (that I’m no longer cool with now) and we spoke often, wasn’t nothing weird and I stand by that. Could it seem like something because she’s of opposite sex? Yes I agree but it wasn’t.”

He then hinted that Ashley may have been doing a lil outside-the-marriage “horizontal mambo”-ing herself.

“Now ask her how dirty her hands are, how much s**t I’ve let go,” Bar wrote. “I’m not gone put it out but ask her.”

“I don’t got nothing to say and I’m sure she gone fly off the handle and say a bunch of s**t after this but whatever. This the last ima speak on this.

“But yes, we are not together, that is true,” he added. “And I wish her the best.”

Even though Bar stated that this would be the last he would speak of his split, he went Live on Instagram soon after to make sure the ladies knew he was now single.

“A hundred percent, I’m single as f**k!” Bar said, encouraging fans to slide into his DMs. 

Bar said he’s not going to get online and spill “all this messy s**t” about his relationship.

“I’ve been doing that for seven years…I’m not doing that,” Bar— who was doing just that–added.

“You can still be married with somebody and not be in a relationship with them,” Bar said on Live. “Sometimes you leave the relationship before you’re fully separated. It is what it is. It’s unfortunate, because I love Ashley to death, but it is what it is. You can’t keep fighting for something that’s not working out.”

[engbergeurovacay23]

On Friday, we decided to take advantage of having the rental car until 3:00 p.m., which is when we believed the rental car location in the city center closed. We decided we were going to drive about 35 minutes east of Helsinki to a town of 50,000 people: Porvoo. Our drive was relatively uneventful, though I meant to mention before that our Skoda is a standard transmission and even though that is all Eric drove until a few years ago, it did take him a little bit of time to get used to it again. I can tell you, now that we returned the car, he did not stall once 👍

Once we arrived to Porvoo, we noticed that there appeared to be a small ski area at the edge of the town, which was a seaside town with very cute old-style homes. From reading a little bit about Porvoo, it does have a significant Swedish-speaking population. Some towns in Finland still do, and some don't hit all. Tove Jansson (the author of the Moomin books), for example, was a Swedish-speaking Finn. Anyway, as our first stop we checked out the ski area--Kokonniemi. As I mentioned, it was quite small and had one main run down the face of the hill. To the left of that hill was a staircase up, and there were people doing all kinds of fitness-related things, like running up and down the stairs multiple times. Of course my kids and Eric wanted to do just that. I did walk up the 350 steps once and that was plenty for me 😆

We noticed to the left of the stairs that there was mountain biking, a ropes course, and a zipline. Once we went back down to the base, we inquired about the zipline. The people were super nice, and we apologized for our exceedingly enthusiastic and loud American children, and I said, "do you see many American children here?" And they said that they see some. I said, "Are any of them as loud as these children?" And they said that they've seen louder. That made me somewhat relieved.

To do the full, large zipline course, you would need about 3 hours and that was about 2 hours more than we had. So we did the children's ropes course and zipline and the kids got all helmeted, harnessed, and geared up for that and spent over an hour, part of it in rain that was absolutely pouring; they climbed on the ropes course and Cece got one bad rope burn in the process. They both loved the zipline, sometimes goinf side-by-side (there were two lines), together, holding hands. They had so much fun. Eric noticed that there were tons of mosquitoes, so that wasn't ideal, and the kids have both been itching away the after-effects of that since, though it isn't too bad. Those mosquitoes just can't compete with Michigan mosquitoes 😆

The kids were contented to finish up after their hour and then we drove and parked in the city center of the small town and walked to the historic 18th century church, through the cobblestone streets. We went to a K Supermarket, and this one was massive and potentially could compete with Tokmanni, because the whole second floor was all home goods and paper goods and it seemed amazing, if I'd had more time to shop! But, we got some lunch-time snacks and then we realized we really had to rush in order to get back by the three o'clock Budget rental car deadline! Actually, when we got into the car we realized that we weren't going to make that deadline. So I looked up the phone number, and in doing so, I realized that they actually closed at 5:00. Whew.

We drove back to Helsinki in a little bit of rain. We returned the car and then walked back to our apartment and stopped at a playground that the kids loved from last year; it features this crazy teeter-totter-ing, bouncing, spinning structure. I wanted to go on a few stops myself, one of them to the Postie, their post office, because I discovered I could ship a box for about 40 euros that contained all of the fabric and kids clothes that we purchased. That way we could still return home with just carry-on luggage in case we could do a standby for an earlier flight to Albuquerque on Sunday. That is what we're hoping to do! So, I went to the Posti and got a box and all the information about setting up the shipment online. Once we got back to the Airbnb, I did indeed set up the shipment online and it was pretty straightforward.

Then, I'd wanted it all of us to go to a restaurant I'd read about, basically on our block, called The Seahorse. It's apparently something of a Helsinki institution (since 1934!), famous with --as the website says --the man on the street as well as local politicians and celebrities. Diverse international celebrities have also paid it a visit over the last almost 90 years, including Jean-Paul Sartre, and I've always been a big fan of that guy's, so after learning that, we just had to go.

No, Eric isn't a huge fan of "fancy" restaurants, and this one was not necessarily super "fancy," but going there did push him a bit out of his comfort zone. I did book a reservation online, but when we showed up they didn't have it, but we got the last table they had, in the front dining room, rather than in the back, more-busy one. If we'd known what any Finnish politicians looked like, that would have been the place to spot them. Entering into that dining room, there was a "no photographs" sign (just like Honest John's in Detroit used to have!). Anywhere there are "no photographs" signs, you know some real camera-shy people might be in attendance ;)

Dinner was a fun treat for sure. I got something called a "Vegetarian Wallenberg," which is basically a vegetable patty, and it was sitting on top of a mound of mashed potatoes, edged with lingonberries. It was very delicious! Eric got perch, Rowan got meatballs, and Cece got Salmon. Rowan's meal came with a desert, which was frozen cranberries in toffee sauce, and we all shared that--and it was amazing.

After dinner, everyone was tired. Eric conked out right away and once I got the kids to bed, I thought they also conked out, but Cece came into the kitchen about 45 minutes after I'd put her to bed, and then, the next morning, Rowan told me he was up at 4:30 a.m. and did not sleep well all night! Now, it does appear that he is the one with some kind of ailment, when a few days ago, it seemed that Cece had something!

Once or two more vacay posts to go! I will report on our last day in Helsinki, Saturday, and perhaps our flights home on Sunday! The day after we arrive home, we will be getting our Bedlington Terrier puppy, Alex Sándor Engberg. How we arrived at this name is a huge, long story, but if I told it to you and you saw how thrilled the kids were with it after many names that Eric and I loved but they didn't, you'd love Alex Sándor, too.

[a-moth-to-the-light]

Summer of K-pop Tag, 28-31

[introduction/full list of questions]

Felt terrible yesterday, but we're doing a bit better this morning :) Listening to the new Itzy album really cheered me up, I think! "Cake" definitely could have been better--like damn it could have been a "Yeppi Yeppi" if the production hadn't been so amateur-sounding--but I'm used to liking the group's b-sides a lot more, anyway, and the album didn't disappoint. The NewJeans style on "None of My Business" suits them really well, for one!

Also, currently trying to decide if I should reread Heartstopper before I watch S2??

Current Obsessions:

Psychic Lover -- Itzy (i never get tired of rock itzy!)

Kill Shot -- Itzy (oh my GOD this would be a perfect song, if only they didn't keep saying "swish swish")

Más Lejos -- Atalhos (i wish my life was the kind of movie that this song would be in the soundtrack for)

Coming of Age -- Maisie Peters (no but this would be so fun at karaoke???)

Dance the Night -- Dua Lipa (if you get it, you get it--and are also probably a huge betty who fan)

Blame it on Me -- Twice (they can SING.)

Turn it Up -- Twice (was stuck in my head all weekend)

Cool About It -- Boygenius (also stuck in my head all weekend)

Questions of the Day: what do you think of mamamoo’s “egotistic"? do you still listen to it?

This was one of the songs that got me into k-pop!! I remember the way, when I was first obsessed with "Egotistic" in 2020, I would find myself dancing along to it without even trying to--at that point, I struggled with feeling very disconnected from my body, so being able to just lose myself in dancing, to feel so completely in tune with my physical self, was huge for me. And I get why my younger self chose this one to dance to--Mamamoo sing the hell out of "Egotistic", somehow sounding even better than my (already high) expectations for them, and you really can't lose with a dembow beat!

I don't listen to "Egotistic" much anymore, though I still enjoy it when I do--I think it's just been replaced for me by Mamamoo's calmer tracks, like "Emotion" and "Self Camera" and Hwa Sa's "Bless U". I still have a taste for high-energy dance music, but I'm not as obsessed with the style as I used to be!

what’s your favorite song from thrill-ing by the boyz?

"Nightmares". I don't really like when this album tries to be ironic, as if the members are laughing at the songs as they perform them--some groups can make that work, but I'm not sure The Boyz can. I just end up feeling like, why am I listening to this song, if you don't even care about it? In contrast to the title track, then, I like that "Nightmares" feels genuine in its silly moments. It doesn't feel like someone is on the other side of the screen, holding up a sign that says "laugh! this is a joke". Instead, it feels like it's primarily meant to be a nice-sounding song (the vocals are awesome!), with some jokes hidden in there to reward repeat listens.

what’s your favorite song with the word ‘summer’ in the title?

"Our Summer" by TXT. It's such a sweet, tender song, and that wholesomeness has secured it a special place in my heart for years now!

what’s your favorite song released this month?

"Shhh" by Kiss of Life! This is such a perfect match of song and performers--I can hear so much confidence in every second of "Shhh", and that just makes me want to listen to it again and again!

what’s your favorite question from this challenge?

The summer memory one! Songs and memories have always intersected a lot for me, but while brainstorming for that question, it was kind of wild to realize just how clear of an image a song can bring to my mind--I'm someone who doesn't remember things very clearly, especially not visually, but I guess music is a better memory aid for me than I had realized!

[sanjoongie]

First Snowfall

⛸️submission for Season’s Greetings, K-vanity’s winter event 🏒Outfit/Themes: Lounge (hurt/comfort/slice of life) / Jerseys (sports/athletes) ❄️Accessories/Extras: First Snow, Hockey, Figure Skating ⛸️Pairings: Choi San × Reader(f) 🏒Genre: hockey au, figure skating au, winter time au, slight enemies to lovers au if you squint ❄️Word count: 2,341 ⛸️Warnings: slightly asshole-y San 🏒Rated: fluff with a dash of angst, don’t worry, there’s a happy ending

❄️Summary: You're just a figure skater practicing your craft, San's just a hockey player doing the same. Will it be a clash of the skates or a fluttering of the hearts?

⛸️Dedication: to @mejuii for giving me the idea and the kick in the pants I needed to write this and beta-ing, and @downtoamagicalland for squealing with me about this and beta-ing. 

You hated dragging yourself up at the ass crack of dawn to practice your figure skating but you did love the silent susurration of your blades on the ice. Sometimes you were early enough that the only people at the rink were just the arena staff, so you forgo your headphones and just listen to the ice being shredded up. It was a peaceful time and you always drank it in.

Until he started showing up. The stupid hockey player that was anything but quiet. He bellowed loudly to the staff good morning. He went straight to the music playing booth and blared music with intense beats and then he zoomed around the rink until he couldn't breath, promptly collapsing in the middle like a child. You really didn’t like him.

Especially when he went after you about figure skating.

You were on one of the benches that normally housed hockey teams on the weekend, balancing one skate against the wall while you undid your laces, when he stopped in front of you. “I don’t know why you bother practicing so much,” he said nonchalantly, “It’s not like figure skating is hard work, you know.”

You stiffened at his insult. You decided to ignore him and shifted so you could carefully undo your other skate. Regardless, he continued talking. “Not like hockey. We have to practice our stickhandling, avoidance techniques and being able to skate to the other side of the rink in record time.”

You didn’t say a word to him, promptly getting up and heading down the hallway to the changing rooms. “Your outfits are cute though!” He shouted at your back. Prick.

The hockey player continued to attempt to interact with you, much to your chagrin. He would blow kisses at you while the two of you skated on the rink in the early morning hours. He would leave drinks for you, which you never picked up. Eventually, he jumped out at you when you were leaving the changing rooms, almost giving you a heart attack.

His eyes were tiny like crescent moons, laughter high pitched and lovely enough to make you smile. You wiped it off immediately, however. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you," he giggled.

“Kinda seems like you did,” You grumbled under your breath. You hefted your bag over your shoulders and continued to make your exit down the hallway to leave the rink.

“Wait,” The hockey player jumped into your path once again, halting your progress. “I never introduced myself.”

“Despite blowing kisses to me,” You said, arching an eyebrow.

The hockey player began to speak in a pout. “You never send them back.”

That was the final straw on the camel's back. “Listen,” You began to rant, “I’m just here to practice my form, I don’t need you bothering me! And telling me what I do is ‘not as hard as hockey’! I’m here more mornings than you, I almost mastered my double axel and I do not need your negativity in my life.”

The hockey player seemed shocked at your outburst. “I…”

“So please,” You said, huffing and blowing your hair out of your face, “Leave me alone.”

He didn’t stop you from leaving the second time but you did hear him say quietly. “Hi, my name is San. I’d love to…” You didn’t hear the rest. Maybe, at long last, you would get some peace and quiet back in the mornings.

The next morning, however, you got the exact opposite of that. The hockey player was waiting at the lobby of the rink, two drinks in hand and an even extra eager smile on his face. You groaned internally. When were you ever going to get rid of this guy?!

“Can we start over again?” He approached you immediately upon entering the arena. He was speaking in pout again. “My name is San. We share the rink most mornings. Might as well get along. Right?” He offered one of the drinks he was holding and stared at you.

Raised to be polite no matter what, you took the drink, and muttered a thanks. You told him your name and he beamed brightly. “See? Now we can be rink buddies.” You winced and he laughed at you. “Skating partners? Ice besties?”

You sighed heavily, took a sip of the drink, which was surprisingly sweet and warm and made your way to the dressing rooms as San continued to chatter. You learned a lot about him, whether you wanted to or not. San was on an AHL team, but his extra practicing was to get him noticed and upgraded to the NHL. He played center, which let you know not-so-subtly that he’s a damn good player. He really loved his team but there was another center that he was in competition with, and he was worried that that center would be picked to move up instead of him. 

You awkwardly teetered on your skates, in front of the gate that let you onto the ice. “Well, it’s been nice… getting to know you, but I have to focus--”

“Wanna have a race?” San blurted out.

“San, I take my practice time very seriously, please,” You said, underlining your tiredness from him.

San’s face dropped. “Oh. Right. Yeah. I should too.”

Why did he have this ability to make you feel so shitty? Before you could stop your mouth, you said, "But I've got some time after practice.  I can educate you on how hard figure skating really is."

San looked half hopeful. "I'm an idiot. I didn't really mean that. I was just trying to make conversation."

You raised both your eyebrows. "Does that mean you don't want to hang out after?"

San promptly closed his mouth and looked bashful. "I do wanna hang."

"Then, let's start practicing."

San did his laps, mindful not to cut off your routine. It was actually the best practice you had in weeks, and in hindsight, San was right. If you had to share the rink, then making peace was the way to make the sharing as smooth as possible.

"I'm starving!" San gasped as he threw himself at the half wall where you were loosening your skates.

"There's a diner nearby. They serve breakfast until ten am. Did you wanna--"

"Oh please!" San shouted.

San actually wasn't so bad, once you got to know him. He let his mouth run, which got him in a lot of trouble in and out of the rink. But, he was pretty much a good guy. He liked to hold the door open for you when the after-practice breakfasts became a routine. He liked it best when you laughed at his jokes, getting a pleased look on his face. He had a habit of zooming everywhere, whether he had skates on or not, but always waited patiently for you to catch up. He was actually a light of positivity when you thought he was negative. He wormed his way into your good graces eventually.

One day during breakfast, while San had his cheeks cheerfully full of sausage and pancakes, you got a phone call. Your coach was calling to let you go. He insisted that you had outgrown him, but one of the other girls that he coached sent a message to you just the other day about how he had acquired a new high maintenance client. You knew he had dropped you for her. Tears of disappointment burned the corners of your eyes and they splashed angrily down your cheeks. You had just perfected your routine this morning! 

"What--what's wrong?" San asked, slowly putting down his fork.

"Nothing," You replied, dashing your tears away.

San's eyebrows furrowed in worry. "Nothing doesn't make you cry. Once you fell so many times at practice, trying to do your triple axel and you never cried. What's wrong?"

"I've just worked so hard!" You wailed and then it all came out.

San, bless him, patiently listened to everything, not saying a word. His eyes were so gentle and full of kindness and he never once tried to tell you what to do or what you should have done. He let you pour your heart out in the booth in the diner, until your sobs faded and you were only hiccupping and wiping your face with rough napkins. 

Suddenly, San jumped forward and grabbed both your hands, making the plates between you clank loudly. "Let's go skating!"

You couldn't help but laugh and roll your eyes. “San, we just did that for hours this morning.”

“No!” San pouted, “Not like this! They just poured the water for an outdoor rink. It’s got Christmas lights and hot apple cider and it’ll cheer you up! Let’s go. Please?”

You pushed one side of your mouth in thought. Your heart felt so heavy and you felt like you were a failure. All you wanted to do was go home and cry into your pillow. Then San rubbed a thumb over the back of your hand. You had completely forgotten he was holding your hands. That made your decision. “Okay.”

San didn’t let go of your hand when he rushed you two out of the diner. You didn’t even get your coat on fully until you were inside his pickup truck. You protested about leaving your car but San dismissed it, saying he’d return you back no problem. So the two of you drove down the road to the little ice rink that San had been talking about. You even saved money by bringing your own skates. San declined your money and bought you both an apple cider and a hot chocolate when you couldn't choose.

“Good thing I skate for a living,” You said sarcastically, “Otherwise I’d be windmill-ing my arms and the drinks would be everywhere.”

San seamlessly skated beside you, holding his arms behind his back. “You skate beautifully. You would never. You’re very talented.”

You could feel your cheeks heat up at the compliments. San laughed, that bell-like twinkle that made your heart skip a beat. “Thank you,” You murmured.

“Don’t mention it,” San replied easily, dimples peeking out as he smiled. 

The sweet beverages mixed with San’s mindless chatter about some antics his hockey team members got up to lifted your spirits. You skated, you don’t know how many laps, around and around, always looking to San. Even when you were done with your drinks that you couldn't possibly drink enough of at the same time before they cooled, he zoomed away to put them in a trash can. 

Your mouth spoke again before you could stop it. “Why are you so nice to me?” You blurted out.

San blinked slowly, like he didn’t understand the question. “What?”

“You’ve always been nice to me, other than your stupid figure skating comment, and all I’ve been is nasty to you. Why are you so nice to me?”

San was quiet for a moment, almost as if he was choosing his words carefully. Which, knowing yourself, you had probably taught him to do inadvertently. “I like you,” San said faintly.

“Well, I like you too San but-”

“No!” San cut you off. “I like you.”

The wheels and gears in your head turned and turned, watching San as his gaze went to your face and then down to the ice and then back to your face again, before everything came crashing down on you. “YOU LIKE ME?!” You shrieked.

Now it was San’s turn to become beet-red, flustered and stuttering. “Y-you don’t have t-to scream!”

You were aware of how many eyes were on the pair of you now. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I just--”

“I know, you hate me, right?” San said, pushing his lower lip out in disappointment.

“I--” Your words stuck in your throat. You didn’t deserve San. “I don’t hate you, San.”

San raised his eyes hopefully. “You don’t?”

“No! Otherwise, why would I have spent so much time with you!”

“Well,” San’s pout wasn’t gone quite yet, “You could have just been being nice.”

“Okay, that’s valid,” You agreed with him, “And at first I was. But you’re a really good guy, San. A really good guy.”

“I am?” San’s stance got a little bit straighter as you complimented him. 

“I…” God, this was hard. Why did feelings have to be so hard? So, instead of saying anything, you reached for San’s hand and carefully placed your fingers in between his. 

San pursed his lips, blinking in quick succession. “Do you like me too?”

You nodded swiftly, smiling expectantly. 

“You do?” San hooted, jumping in triumph before he lost his footing on the ice and ended up wiping out on his butt. But he was still smiling from ear to ear, beaming up at you. The other skaters passed by you, giving you odd looks. 

You started to snicker under your breath. You offered a hand up to San. “Come on, let’s get out of here before they yell at us. We’re too loud for a crowd right now.”

San grabbed your hand and you helped him up. San leaned his head back and opened his mouth in wonder. “Look! It’s snowing!”

Gentle, large snowflakes began to fall around you. They were the perfect kind, ones that, if you put your hand out, you could see their unique pattern. “It’s the first snowfall,” You said.

San looked pleased at himself and you cocked your head. “What?”

“They say that watching the first snowfall guarantees that you’re soulmates,” San said a-matter-of-factly.

You blew a raspberry, “Come on, San! That’s just superstition!”

“I dunno,” San murmured. He was still holding your hand, rubbing his thumb on the back of it. “I think it’s kinda romantic.”

You relented, “It is romantic.”

“Right?” San grinned and you felt your heart skip a beat once again. 

You decided to let yourself believe the superstition, in the moment. If it made San happy, it also made you happy. And besides, if you got a lifetime holding San’s hand, what right did you have to complain?

[jbreenr]

⚠ MS MARVEL 101 SPOILERS ⚠

Alright…

Yes, I didn't watch it today at 2am bc I fell asleep. I'm old, leave me alone.

Anyway, dID YOU SEE MOONKNIGHT IN THE M OF MARVEL IN THE OPENING?!???!? AAHSSÑSKLS.

Got excited. Sorry.

I love that they added Blinding Lights and not only for the trailer.

Kamala being a hard core fangirl is such a mood. Like, I can totally see myself doing that (I'm not good at drawing but ykwim).

Also, i know for a fact that my driving test would go the same way. I wouldn't make it to the next block without hitting something.

This dude called her “Camelia” and, he was there for half a second but I already hate him.

Now, Bruno is a bay and i love him. Something happens to him and I go riot. K?

Uuugh. I relate to Kamala in this. I know what is like to have strict parents and growing up like that. I feel ya, girl.

I. Just. Love. How the text messages and Kamala's plan shows with this changing art and neon lights on the streets. They're dope!!

Now, nOW!! Did you see the belt? She was about to add it when her parents entered her room. Añdkdkñd.

And talking about her parents, ngl, I did feel bad for them. Like, they were going to let her go with their conditions and i know it was a wrong way to express her thoughts but we get it.

And the fact that she said that she made her dad cry just gives me this unsettling feeling. Idk, I've mentioned this in the past. I hate the idea of grown ass men crying. It makes me wanna join them.

But well, her plan with the bus didn't go as planned, obviously. And even though I felt bad for her bike, it was a funny touch.

I'm gonna mention just a few of the references I catched from the AvengersCon:

The Star Spangled Man song, the girls from the Stark Expo, that card? with America's ass, the iconic “I can do this all day”.

And I'm sure there are more but I'll check them later.

Okay but, ✨ Zoe's costume ✨ The original (sort of) Ms Marvel costume.

I got scared for a moment with the giant Ant-Man's head started moving, then I was like “okay, they're cheering, it's all cool”, then it moved a vain and it fell and caused the giant Mjölnir to play a wrecking ball and drag Zoe with it and i was scared again.

Luckily (and obviously) Kamala saved her.

And i don't know why people complained about her powers and why they were changed. They look so f-ing cool. They look cOSMIC!

Did you see the art in those credits? The Kamala from the comics? I mean *chef kiss*.

And last but not least… *clears throat* WTF was that post-credit scene? Who are these people and why do they want to bring her in? Mind your own business, floks and leave my girl alone.

Or don't. I wanna see what happens next.

[lifewithdavefarts]

DaveFarts - Episode 1 “FartsApp” [Episode List] Since he’s a gassy nerd, Dave teases his friend Tim via WhatsApp by sending him a series of short videos of him farting.

FartsApp

Being gay with a fart fetish is really hard sometimes.

For me at least.

While the world is definitely getting more open-minded about homosexuality, I can’t really force it to accept this weird fetish (to be honest, all fetishes are kinda treated like taboos, regardless of the sexuality involved). I had to settle for YouTube videos or websites devoted to this whole fart-sniffing thing; not that I’m complaining: it was good to discover that so many people actually had this fetish.

Cue Dave. Well, sort of, actually. He doesn’t have a fart fetish and he’s not even gay. Dave has been my best friend since forever. Unlike me, however, he’s straight and is currently dating some (lucky) girl.

Around my age, he’s like a brother to me, and we’re actually well-known because of how much time we always spend with each other.

Dave is a great guy, a great friend, very open-minded and, dare to say it, actually quite hot.

Not surprisingly, being the brother I never had, he’s the first friend I came out to, the only one who knows about my homosexuality. Actually, it’s not like I told him… he found out on his own, in the worst possible way (for me).

During one of our nerdy game-nights, being “that one gassy friend”, Dave started to rip -as usual- tons of farts, fueled by some junk food, until he ripped one directly in my face (and boy it was amazing…). Everything went downhill from there… kinda. For some reason or another… he just accepted all at once not only my homosexuality, but also the fact that I found face-farting… hot. He just laughed about it and honestly gave me some encouraging words about my peculiar situation, proving that he’s indeed the best friend ever. Oh… and he also literally farted for me after that, in my face, letting me sniff and enjoy his amazing rips; he can also fart on command apparently: got a taste of his talent that same night.

That one, surreal night.

I still can’t believe it happened.

Felt like a confused dream. Like one of those nights where you drink too much so you don’t clearly remember what happened. But it was all true.

Dave, my best friend, was perfectly fine with me, my fetish, and all this weird stuff.

Yes: I know how lucky I am.

It’s been 4 months since he found out.

And, believe it or not, I’m getting face-farted so often that I’m almost forgetting how beautiful it feels.

Seriously: Dave simply accepted it like I’m living in someone’s crazy fetish dream and, when we’re alone, he just casually farts in my face (without me asking for it). Not always, but very often.

Surprisingly enough, despite the fact that my nose spends a lot of time brushing against his denim-covered butt, our friendship didn’t change at all though: we still hang out with the rest of our friends and generally spend a lot of time together.

Sometimes I’m so in disbelief about how easy-going he’s been with me, that I randomly ask him “You sure you’re OK with… this?” (I say, gesturing all of me), but he just smiles or rolls his eyes annoyed, tired of hearing the same question over and over again. What can I say? He’s perfectly comfortable with his own sexuality I guess, so he doesn’t have any problem with my fetish.

Sometimes though -sorry I say this- I kinda wish he did…

No, I’m definitely not complaining. That’s the best possible scenario for me, but sometimes he can get a bit too… inopportune. Dave is not really a prankster, but he loves teasing his friends, just for fun, including me.

I was in the middle of an important exam once, one of these pop-quiz thingies that make zero sense, and I felt my phone vibrate. I checked my FB private messages and all I saw was this YouTube link sent by Dave. Since I’m a fool apparently, I clicked on it, and one of those popular YouTube fart videos popped up and played, one with really loud farts. The first fart actually echoed in the room and other students glared at me: never felt so embarrassed (not including the night Dave found out about my fetish).

“Dude! Stop sending me this stuff!” I texted him. “I’m in the middle of an exam here!”

I scolded him for this, but the truth is that I couldn’t ask for a friend more open-minded than him.

The fact that he teases him with fart videos like he teases our heterosexual friends with those “shock” porn pics made me feel more… accepted.

But still… I was in the middle of an important exam so he had to stop.

And he obviously didn’t.

He sent me like 10 other links, just to annoy the sh%t out of me.

I mocked him by texting something like “Those videos are quite hard to find. Guess you’re gay too then!” but he would reply with “I had a great teacher!” and send me one of my awkward photos from Facebook.

Other times, since our friendship didn’t change a bit, he even made random references to my homosexuality or even my fart fetish when messaging me to make plans for the night (especially during the weekend). This mostly happens on WhatsApp:

Dave: “Dude, you have to come with us. Stop being a whiny little bi*ch and get up from that couch!”

Tim: “Sorry, man. I don’t think I’ll be joining you tonight…”

Dave: “You know what? If you don’t come with us… you’re gay!”

Dave: “Sorry, I mean… if you don’t come with us, you’re a fuc*ing heterosexual!

Dave: "U ride pussy, don’t you? Fuc*ing straight people!”

He was obviously being sarcastic, but I just loved how he adapted his… uhm… “humor” to my situation.

One time, however, things got a bit… hotter for me…

Dave: “Dude, come over. We have a lot to study…”

Tim: “Sorry, really can’t today. Aren’t you with Dana right now anyway?”

Dave: “I need somebody to focus with, not focus on. You know me and Dana always end up in bed after like 20 minutes.”

Dave: “It’s awesome but this stuff ain’t gonna study itself…”

Yep. Dave and his girlfriend Dana apparently had a very active sex life.

Glad he was getting laid. And Dana was pretty cool to be honest.

Tim: “Dave, sorry. Maybe tomorrow, k?”

Dave: “Dude! Come on! I’m farting like crazy today!”

Did… did he just try to “bribe” me using his farting abilities?

Dave: “Seriously. I just ripped one that was like 10 seconds long. What a waste of farts!”

Tim: “Dave… are you crazy?”

Took a couple of minutes to reply to that one, and then I got two messages at once.

Dave: “Oh yessss, Tim, crazy for youuuuuu!” he wrote, with a heart emoticon at the end (again, he’s a sassy bi*ch as usual).

I then saw that WhatsApp was loading a video sent by him, an actual video, not a link.

It was Dave, a smirk drawn on his face while staring at the camera. He was wearing a simple black shirt. The view soon moved and I saw his slightly sagging-butt in jeans sitting on a wooden chair, and then heard this big fart echoing in his living room (he was alone), rumbling loudly and hard on the wooden surface. He even turned the camera to his face while he was forcing the “classic”-sounding fart out, making funny facial expressions; indeed, the fart lasted almost 10 seconds, and I obviously loved that: biggest farts I’ve ever heard from him in awhile! It was like watching those funny fartvines on… well… Vine, but having my best friend as the funny/hot farter this time.

Dave: “Hope that convinced you…” he then texted.

I was kinda… “offended” by that last message.

I mean, yeah, I seriously wanted to be there, but I always love spending time with Dave, farts or not (that’s why we’ve been friends since… forever).

Tim: “Are you seriously using farts to buy my friendship? It’s not like I don’t want to study with you. I just can’t today!”

Was that too harsh? Should I have added a smiley face at the end?

Only thing I was sure of, is that I never thought that a sentence like that would even make sense someday.

And I was still bewildered by how Dave was so comfortable with the fact that I loved farts.

Tim: “You don’t need farts to convince me, Dave. More like… you’re making me suffer!” I joked, finally breaking the ice myself with a reference to my embarrassing fetish, proving that I indeed wanted to be there with him, enjoying those farts.

Another couple of minutes passed.

Was he making another…?

Dave: “I know you’re suffering, Tim. Don’t worry. That’s why I’m sending you this.”

Oh boy, another video. Should I play it? Was he aware that I was getting a boner from all of this?

I literally pitched a tent in my pants.

There… it’s Dave again, this time sitting on the couch. The video started with his face winking at the camera with a sly smile; the camera then moved between his legs and slowly panned towards his butt in loose jeans (he probably put his legs on the small table in front of his couch, to make his butt more visible). Now I had a rather unique (and hot -for me) view of both his butt (and part of his crotch) in jeans and his face. He grinned wildly and the fart began, ripped right in front of the phone. The sound and the views were perfect; Dave moved the camera towards his butt as the fart kept going strong, sounding like a deep trumpet; I could see the detailed blue fabric of his jeans as the funny sounds continued. What a lucky phone!

It lasted around 8 seconds and it was simply the hotness.

The video ended with Dave laughing at the camera and all went pitch black.

Tim: “You’re insane, Dave!” I joked again, enjoying how crazy he was about this. And for me I guess.

But I had to tell him.

Tim: “Dave, you do know that all of this gave me a… well…”

But as I was halfheartedly writing the second part of the message, Dave wrote more stuff.

Dave: “Then go beat your meat! I can’t do everything for you, Tim.”

Dave: “And please don’t act like this is some kind of big deal…

Dave: "Wow, Tim got a boner! How impressive!”

Dave: “Let’s all bow to Tim, the mighty guy whose penis can turn bigger!”

Dave: “Behold, the Great Tim! The guy who once had a boner and had to tell everyone!”

Further proof that Dave was being the best friend ever.

He was clearly being sarcastic; he was joking. That was his way of telling me “Nah bro, it’s all good”. And I was kinda surprised that he was so… chill about this stuff. I literally had a boner because of him and he just… didn’t care. As I said, he’s very open minded and perfectly comfortable with his own sexuality, so he didn’t have the irrational fear of “turning gay” when doing this stuff with and for me. I also appreciated that he trusted me with those funny, but otherwise embarrassing videos.

After one or two minutes, I’ve received one big audio file and I just knew what I was going to get when I clicked the triangular-shaped button to play them.

I heard Dave singing my name like he was some kind of serial killer trying to find me.

Dave: “Tim… come here…”

I then heard a series of muffled noises, as if the camera was being put under something, and it was clear what: I in fact then heard the loud, audio-glitching sound of one big fart that lasted around four seconds.

Dave: “He’s waiting for you…” he sung again in that creepy tone of voice.

Another fart, just as big as the first one.

He was on fire that day!

Now I was both laughing like an idiot and having the biggest boner.

Tim: “Dude, you’re on fire! But… to be honest, that was kinda gay…” I chuckled.

Dave: “Says the guy who gets a boner when he hears a fart. You fuc*ing hypocrite.”

He then sent yet another audio file, with him singing that meme-song “I’m gay, gay, gay, I love long big c*cks”, but slightly changing the lyrics. He even put a karaoke version of it on his computer while recording the audio file.

Dave: “You are gay, gay gay, you love long big farts. ‘cuz you’re supah-super gay, and you love big…”

Fittingly enough, a huge fart from my best friend took over the last part of the song. Loud as usual, sounding like a deep chainsaw. I could just imagine how beautiful that was. But the best part was probably the fact that he was definitely farting for me. I know, not your usual “hot sexy” scenario… more like a “sweet” one, in a very twisted way of course.

I wasn’t obviously offended by that “gay song”, since I knew that Dave was just being silly as usual and his mocking words were definitely not mean-spirited.

Tim: “Aren’t you supposed to be studying right now?” I asked.

Dave: “I don’t know, aren’t you supposed to be here right now?”

Tim: “Dude, seriously. Thank you! But I’m serious… I really can’t today.”

Dave: “Alright… alright… cya tonight faggot…” he wrote, with a heart-shaped emoticon at the end.

I just rolled my eyes and chuckled a bit, then drove my attention to my own books.

This was going to be a long afternoon. But after only one minute of silence, my phone vibrated wildly: it was Dave and he was calling me. Very unusual in that moment.

“Uhm… Dave? Hello?” I picked up.

I was greeted by a series of “Dude, sorry!” and I was really confused.

“Dave… what?”

It was just Dave being adorkable I guess.

“Dude, sorry about that 'faggot'… that was bit too much, sorry. I shouldn’t have said that.”

I laughed in disbelief. “Bro, it’s OK. I’m not offended. I know you didn’t want to insult me or anything…”

“No, Tim. That one word is not a joke and I shouldn’t have used it, sorry.”

I was just… wow. Dave went from “dominant friendly farter” to “adorable/awkward confused puppy” in mere seconds. Further proof that I was the luckiest guy alive (fetish or not): Dave cared so much for me that he even apologized for the “f-word”, which admittedly is a very bad word for a guy like me. But this time it was coming from Dave, my best friend, a guy who cares so much about me that he would even “censor” his language just to avoid unfortunate implications.

Ironically enough, the roles were switched, and he was the one saying a rapid-fire series of “sorry!” this time.

“Dave, quit with the apologizing. You’re the best.” I chuckled. “We’re bros, that’s what we do: we insult each other!”

“Alright… you sure? Not going to use that word ever again though.”

“Dave… it’s OK. You’re the best.”

“OK… OK. See you tonight. Take care.”

And he hang up.

He just wanted to make sure that he didn’t accidentally offend me by calling me a “fag”.

I would have been, if it wasn’t coming from Dave.

But then again, he also said that he was going to kick in the face whoever dared to insult me.

And he said that before he found out the truth about me: he’s always been quite protective.

“Oh come on!” I shouted, almost annoyed, merely five minutes later, when I heard the phone vibrate one more time.

It was Dave. Again.

He sent another video.

I tried to scoff at it but I was obviously loving all of this instead.

He was lying on the couch, the camera focusing on his butt in jeans. I could see both his face and butt, at the same time. It was like he filmed the video imagining my POV when he farted in my face, and I absolutely enjoyed that.

“Alright, Tim… Sorry for calling you a faggot.” he spoke in a “comically” serious voice. He truly was “sorry”, but it was clear that he was trying not to laugh. “I’m really, really sorry, believe me.”

Keeping a straight face, he ripped an incredibly loud, deep fart at the camera. He didn’t bat an eye, blink or smile. He eventually lost it towards the end of that 6-seconds long blast. He chuckled a bit and then turned “serious” again.

“That was a sad fart… we’re both sorry.”

He then closed his eyes and made a funny face, signing in relief as he ripped another long fart, the lucky camera slowly panning towards the seams and textures of the blue denim covering his powerful sagging butt. It lasted almost 10 seconds: truly a fart master. And those weren’t even on command!

“Oh my…” I whispered, staring in awe at the amazing video.

“This one was on the house…” he chuckled, right before turning the phone to his butt one last time and ripping a short series of toots, grinning wildly, clearly forcing those smaller farts out just for me. And that was it.

My boner was definitely wet now as bits of that well-known white substance poured from the tip of of my “standing” dick, slightly dampening my boxers and pants. It was like a volcano going to explode. A volcano that, just like me, couldn’t take it anymore. I rushed to the bathroom and furiously beat my meat, almost strangling my rock-hard penis with a firm grip. I didn’t last much: I literally peed sperm, thinking of Dave’s farts. The best part is that I didn’t need to imagine anything: it was all real. I laughed in relief just as I felt my penis deflating like a balloon, after it vomited its white substance. It felt good, not “masturbation good”, like “life is good”. And it was.

My best friend, Dave, was this fantastic guy who, in his own, twisted way, was taking care of me, accepting me, making me comfortable with my fart fetish. A gassy, open-minded, mildly disgusting “bro” who only wanted to preserve our friendship.

And I couldn’t be happier.

End of Episode 1

[bereft-of-frogs]

Who are your top 5 mcu characters and top 5 star wars characters? I guess is may change sometimes, but for now. :)

oh goodness. this is an excellent question. I think it probably will change, especially for Star Wars as I continue my rereading of the old book series stuff, digging back in and what-not; but also for both as new things are released. (I’m now like ‘omg the whole of the Wandavision crew needs way more consideration for this top 5 list than I ever thought I’d give them what’.) Sorry it’s taken a couple days! This was hard.

Putting it under a cut for length:

MCU:

1. Sam Wilson. This was really hard to choose between all of Team Cap because I love them all equally, but out of the three Winter Soldier crew, I love Sam the best. ‘...if you eat that sort of thing’ ‘So do you like cats?’ ‘I hate you’  #iconic

2. Loki & Thor. Okay here’s where I cheat a little, because I couldn’t choose one and not the other.

3. Valkyrie. I just love her. (Debated putting Hela here instead, because I also love Hela in a similar but opposite way, if that makes sense?)

4. Nick Fury. Fine in Avengers, loved him after Winter Soldier, loved him even more after Captain Marvel stripped down his cool exterior and revealed him to be a bit of a dork who liked cats and was willing to help with the dishes. I hope we get to see more of him.

5. Wanda. Oh my God, Wandavision just came out of nowhere with the Wanda feels, didn’t it? I will say I was lukewarm-neutral on her, and then Wandavision recontextualized so much of her story and made me feel so much about her.

Honorable Mentions: all of the Guardians of the Galaxy because I couldn’t just pick one; Captain Marvel herself came close to getting Fury’s spot (’I have nothing to prove to you’ sobs); Vision was another surprise ‘oh no where did these feelings come from’ character post-Wandavision, (same with Darcy wth happened); Jimmy Woo should get his own series I will sign the petition

Star Wars:

1. Mace Windu. Okay this is an deep abiding love. How could I not love him when I was 10? The man had a purple lightsaber. (Purple was my favorite color, that was pretty much the extent of my character analysis back then.) This has only been confirmed as an adult by all of Shatterpoint. This is officially a Mace Windu appreciation blog.

2. Obi-Wan Kenobi. How can you not?

3. Qui-Gon Jinn. I left the fandom for like 20 years and came back and apparently he’s ~~problematic~~ and yes I will finally admit it, this is the character I’ve been vague-ing about the AO3 tags being a cesspool. He’s just such an interesting character...and that has apparently translated to ‘he’s the worst’ which okay thanks for letting me know I won’t like your fic but...man, the ‘Qui-Gon was literally the worst’ is suddenly everywhere and I’m confused. (again ‘suddenly’ I haven’t been super active in this fandom in a while, it might not have been sudden. Not quite 20 years but it’s been a while and I never noticed back then, idk if it’s a new development or just the product of me trying to sift through AO3 instead of relying on recs...anyway that’s my #confession for the day)

4. Cassian Andor. Okay partially for superficial reasons because Diego Luna is distractingly pretty. But I also love the more serious take on the rebel who knows that he has to get his hands dirty for the cause. He and Jyn’s embrace on the beach at the end is honestly one of my favorite Star Wars moments.

5. Din Djarin. He’s just a man trying to get an education for his son and know as little as possible about the plot of Star Wars, who accidentally ends up winning in battle the rulership of a planet he’s never seen. Poor man. He’s just doing his best. I can’t wait for next season.

Honorable Mentions: K-2SO was hilarious and the rest of the Rogue One crew should technically share the spot with Cassian but Diego Luna is just so pretty; the nanny/assassin droid that Taika Waititi played in The Mandalorian because I always surprise myself by crying when he sacrifices himself in the last episode; literally every female character because my list, like James Luceno, impressively does not pass the Bechdel Test (oof I’m aware, I get it, but I had to narrow this down to 5, and I’m sorry); special mention to Bo-Katan even though I’ve only seen two episodes with her in them (I didn’t, and honestly probably won’t, watch The Clone Wars) but also I might just have a crush on Katee Sackhoff...

Narrowing these down to 5 was super hard, this was quite the challenge, and I only cheated a little there, thank you anon. Sorry it’s taken me a couple days! This was hard! XD And I’m sure it will be updated as things progress with the Marvel series coming out. Also I just got a PS4 and Jedi Fallen Order from my brother in the mail, yes I did have him ship his old PS4 across a closed international border so I could play Fallen Order (and also nothing else is giving me serotonin any more and the internet suggests trying something novel to get the serotonin molecules boogieing, so let’s see if my video game redemption arc is a go).

[spnreactions]

15x19: Inherit the Earth

Alright guys. 

It’s time. 

The unofficial finale. 

The season finale that ties up a lot of loose ends before we hit the official series finale. 

Oh god I’m so scared. 

But I’m also sooo excited. 

AHHH!

Okay. Let’s just do this. 

Oh. Hey Amara. 

AHHH! My baby. :’( :’( 

OPE! Looks like God’s book is gonna come into play. 

GEE THANKS FOR SHOWING ME THAT AGAIN AHHH!!! :’( :’( :’( :’( :’( 

“Now”

...f**k. This really is Infinity War...

My Mom: Oh look. It’s the pandemic. 

...wow. 

Everyone. 

...

...who’s gonna ask it? 

Which one of them is gonna ask about Cas? 

I bet it’s gonna be Jack.

Awww Sam...this wasn’t your fault. 

Yep. Called it. 

:’( :’( :’( :’( :’( :’( :’( :’( :’( :’( :’( :’( :’( :’( :’( :’( :’( 

The reactions to that oh my god. Dean really is trying too hard to be the strong one here, but Jensen is doing a really good job of playing the hurt and the pain subtly enough to know it’s there. 

And Jack... :’( :’( :’( My poor baby. I didn’t expect anything less, but god it hurts... :’( :’( :’( :’( :’( 

AHHHH!! WHY DID WE HAVE TO LOSE CAS??!! 

Sam’s face too. :’( :’( :’( 

The way they’re both tearing up. 

God...I hate it. :’( :’( :’( :’( 

Sam’s trying. He’s so desperate. 

JODY! NOOOOOOO!!!!! :’( :’( :’( :’( 

THERE BETTER BE A WAY TO GET EVERYONE BACK!!

:’( :’( :’( :’( :’( :’( :’( :’( :’( :’( :’( :’( :’( :’( 

I kind of wanted a little more from that moment between Dean and Jack, but I guess I don’t know what else would happen. Dean is upset, and Jack is upset, and Dean’s just trying his best, but it’s hard for him too, so I guess that makes sense. God my poor boys. :’( :’( :’( 

Wow. That shot. 

UGGGGH! SCREW YOU CHUCK!!! (But also that zoom-out was really cool.) 

...wow. 

...ouch.... (I mean, he’s not wrong, but ouch.) 

IT SURE LOOKS THAT WAY DOESN’T IT! 

I thought he was gonna say “the kid” there oops lol. Saying “Jack” is better anyways. 

MY POOR BABY AHHH!!! NOOO!!! :’( :’( :’( :’( :’( :’( :’( :’( :’( :’( 

OKAY WTF??!!!

WHAT THE HECK IS THAT??!! WHAT IS HAPPENING TO MY BABY??!!! :’( :’( :’( 

Dean did you just...get a beer? (Oh who am I kidding? Of course he did.) 

Sam no. Stop. This isn’t your fault. :’( :’( 

Sam noooo. What you did was right. 

Sam... :’( :’( :’( :’( :’( 

My Mom: SAM! Don’t yell at him! 

God. You know it’s bad when Dean and Jack are the positive ones and Sam is the one giving up... :’( :’( :’( :’( :’( 

Come on Sam. You guys are Winchesters. Winchesters never give up. 

I really like the cinematography in this. There are so many panning shots and it’s really cool for the style and story of the episode and everything. 

EWWWW!!! SCREW YOU!!!!

Ugh. Rob Benedict is so good at his acting as Chuck, but man, I really hate Chuck. 

Wait, REALLY?! There has to be a catch here right? They wouldn’t just do that. 

AWWW!! DEAN!!! :’( :’( <3 <3 <3 <3 

...wow. 

I guess they are giving up. 

HEY! 

UGH! COME ON CHUCK!!! 

SCREW YOU!!!!

I mean, that was bound to happen.

BUT SCREW YOU!!!!

HEY! 

Jack is NOT a lap dog, you jerk. 

...that is SOOO not cool. 

As if the Winchesters need any more eternal suffering and shame...Jesus Christ. 

SCREW! YOU! CHUCK!!! 

Ahh...this montage of all of them grieving. :’( :’( :’( 

That was a really great shot of Jack, by the way. <3 <3 

But also :’( :’( :’( :’( 

Poor Dean, on the floor with his alcohol.... :’( :’( :’( :’( :’( :’( :’( 

...no you don’t. 

...ope. 

Jack’s...hearing something? Sensing something?

Ah. Sensing something. 

HA! 

HEY! PROMO LINE!!! 

....wait. That’s a good point. I guess because he, like, is still a nephilim, right? 

DOGGO!!! <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 

IT’S THE DOGGO FROM THE PROMO!!! <3 <3 <3 

“Miracle.” <3 <3 <3 

He’s just so happy to see somebody else alive oh my gosh. <3 <3 

Also, I saw something before talking about the promo and saying that it would be really out of character for Dean to like a dog in this episode, but, like, really? I mean, what about Dog Dean Afternoon where he finally found an appreciation--even a love--for dogs? I think it makes perfect sense. Especially since he’s so desperate to just...have something to hold onto again, to have somebody to save. The dog makes perfect sense. <3 

Awww!! SEE??!! IT GIVES HIM HOPE!! 

HA! Dean OMG!! XD XD 

Sam’s surprise is hilarious. XD XD 

Oh Dean... 

HA! DEAN I LOVE YOU!! 

SEE?! THAT is what we call CHARACTER GROWTH PEOPLE!!! <3 <3 <3 <3 

My mom said “good boy” to our dog at the same time Dean said “good boy” to their new dog lol. 

AWWW!!! <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 

NO!!!

My Mom: SERIOUSLY?! NOT COOL!! 

ARE YOU F***ING KIDDING ME CHUCK??!!! 

ARE YOU KIDDING ME RIGHT NOW??!!! 

THAT WAS SO UNNECESSARY CHUCK WTF??!! 

JERK!!! YOU F***ING SUCK CHUCK!!! 

THAT WAS JUST UNCOOL ON SO MANY LEVELS UGH!!!! 

My Mom: That is messed up. 

UGH!! 

Stupid Chuck. Go die in a hole already. 

...okay. Okay. 

“I have no idea what we’re walking into.” To reiterate, what else is new? 

I bet it’s Michael. 

My Mom: They’re walking...very slowly. Me: Well, yeah. They’re being cautious. My Mom: But they need to hurry up. The suspense is killing me. (XD XD XD)

...okay I see her point. 

Heeeey Michael. 

...Jack looks...mad, for some reason. 

Not gonna lie, I was 100% expecting to see wings there. Kind of disappointed that I didn’t get them. 

HA! He would. 

Awww...too bad. (Not gonna lie, though, my mom and I never really liked Adam. But! We do really like Jake Abel as Michael. He does a great job.) 

UGH. Poor boys... :’( :’( :’( 

“Amazingly”

...come again? 

OH! 

...welp. 

That’s awkward. 

“All caring” HA! I actually laughed out loud when he said that, because yeah no. 

...you could almost say...he’s “Daddy’s blunt little instrument”.... (...and now I made myself cry ugh.) 

Oh. THAT’S why Jack’s mad. 

Oh thank god! Now we have another powerful being on our side!! 

Oh hey! It’s that scene from the promo photos! 

...yeah there’s no way it’s that easy. 

That’d be nice. 

But there’s no way. 

Yep. Not that easy. 

Welp...shoot. That would’ve been nice. 

GUYS!!! IT’S THE SCENE!!! FROM THE PROMO PHOTOS!!

....awww...boys. :’( :’( 

UMMM

Yeah no. I don’t buy it. It’s a trick. 

OH MY GOD THE WAY HE JUST BOOKS IT AHHHH!!!! :’( :’( :’( :’( :’( :’( 

FOR ALL YOU PEOPLE SAYING DEAN DOESN’T RECIPROCATE, LOOK AT THIS!!! <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 

There’s no way it’s really Cas. 

But god, the way he runs to him. :’( :’( :’( :’( :’( 

It’s probably Chuck though. 

WHOA! 

UMMM!!

WELL! 

THAT WASN’T WHO I WAS EXPECTING AT ALL! 

But OKAY THEN!! I’M EXCITED! 

I LOVE HIIM!!

WELCOME BACK MARK!!! <3 <3 <3 <3 

My Mom: I LOVE HIM! So excited!! <3 <3 (Yeah we’re definitely related. XD)

Also! 

Dean’s FACE when he saw that it was Luci. XD XD XD 

Now THAT is a highlight of this episode. XD XD 

Jensen you dork. XD XD <3 <3 <3 <3 

Anyways. 

HAHA I LOVE HIM!! XD <3 <3 

“As you guys know” XD XD 

OMG I LOVE HIM!! XD XD <3 <3 <3 

I mean, yeah, I wouldn’t trust him either. 

But also, I love him. XD <3 

....?? 

Huh. 

This is...interesting. 

HA!

OH! I see what he’s doing! 

New Death! 

Smaaaart Luci! 

...what if she hates them just as much as Billie? 

...did Dean just hide behind Sam? 

Oh no he crossed over okay lol. That makes a lot more sense. XD XD 

OPE! 

Frick. 

LUCI OMG!! XD XD <3 <3 

“And that...whatever that is.” XD XD 

HA! 

I like her. XD <3 <3 

I love how she’s talking in the third person now like they’re children. XD XD 

They’re just...a little surprised, okay? Don’t be too hard on them. 

...uh oh. 

I don’t trust that AT ALL, but okay...

My baby is monitoring Luci so closely I love him. <3 

OOOF. This is gonna be rough. 

“Mikey” XD XD <3 <3 

HA! 

The way Sam and Dean both react to the “humanity”. XD XD They were just like “excuse you?” XD 

“Asshats”?? XD XD 

“Of course I’m sure. I’m Death.” “You’ve been Death for an hour.” XD XD

...there’s a catch. There’s no way. That’s too easy. 

...yep. There it is. 

DANGAT LUCI! 

But I liiiiked you. 

Oh FRICK! 

Yeah okay. That makes a LOT more sense. 

...ouch. 

FRICK! 

Okay Jack! It’s up to you! 

Yeah he would never, so shut your face Luci. 

He says no. 

HA! XD XD 

...huh. 

Well. 

That was quick. 

Is there another catch? Cause Luci wasn’t back for very long... 

...why is Jack being so weird?? 

Like, I love my baby to death, and I definitely trust him, but he’s being soooo weird...

...a...a battle? Michael, chill. That was barely a scuffle. 

Yeah, so instead he sent Lucifer to TRICK CALL DEAN WITH CAS’S VOICE!!! SO NOT COOL LUCI!!! SO! NOT! COOL!!!! 

...you totally did don’t even. 

God. All these angels with their daddy issues. 

All these panning shots again. I love them. 

Like, dude, the camera didn’t change at all. That was awesome. <3 

...huh. 

...again, too easy. There has to be a catch. There has to be. 

But also, I really love how they did that, bouncing back in forth between them getting to the special place and Sam talking about the plan. Cool storytelling. 

Summon something unstoppable to fight him...well that just sounds like another problem, doesn’t it?? 

My Mom: That’s a really pretty special place. (She’s not wrong.)

...I’m waiting for the catch. 

I’m waiting very nervously for the catch. 

My Mom: Whoa. 

...it didn’t work?? 

...frick. 

FRICK!!! 

DANGAT!!! 

SEIROUSLY??!!

UGH!!! FREAKING SCREW YOU MICHAEL!!! 

WHATEVER!!! Jerk. 

Ha! 

Saw that coming. 

UMMMM

UMMMMMMMMM

Okay that’s terrifying. 

No likey. 

My Mom: Ouch. Me: Yeah no kidding. 

Bye Michael. You deserved it for betraying us. 

LEAVE THEM ALONE!! 

...ouch. That hurts, because THE SHOW IS OVER! :’( :’( 

HA! YES SAM! 

DANGAT!!

COME ON JACK!!

Jack is bound to pivotal in this somehow...

COME ON JACK! 

HA! 

Okay, I shouldn’t be laughing, but I wanna talk about this for a second and why I laughed. One of the reasons my dad stopped watching this show is because he hated that they kept falling into the trope of bringing the big bads down to a fist-fight so that the boys have a chance. But let me tell you: it makes perfect sense right here. Chuck has the high ground. He has all the power, and he is just reveling in it. He knows (or rather, thinks, because I have faith that they’ll get out of this somehow) that he has them, and that they’re his, and he wants to take the time to truly make them suffer. Killing them quickly is too easy. It ruins the fun for him. But this? This is toying with them. It’s exactly what he wants. And it’s perfect. 

Come on boys! Stand your ground! You can do this! 

... 

:’( :’( :’( 

OW! 

My mom and I are both just cringing and turning away, because OW! 

SCREW YOU CHUCK! 

Come on boys. You can do this. 

THEY WON’T! 

OUR BOYS NEVER STAY DOWN! 

YES BOYS!! YOU GOT THIS!!! <3 <3 <3 

THEY JUST KEEP TAKING IT!! THEY KEEP GETTING BACK UP!!! I LOVE THEM!!! <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 

THEY WON’T EVER GIVE UP YOU JERK!! 

OH MY GOD!!! THAT SHOT!!! SAM HELPING DEAN UP!! THEM HELPING EACH OTHER STAND!!! THAT is a BEAUTIFUL MOMENT PEOPLE!!! OH MY GOD!!! <3 <3 <3 <3 

They’re SMILING!!! I LOVE IT!!! 

JACK!!! IT’S JACK!!! <3 <3 <3 <3 

YES BABY!!! GET HIM!!!! 

“Hey Jack” THE WAY HE SAYS THAT ALL CAUTIOUS HA!! I LOVE IT!!! 

YOU BETTER BE SCARED! 

DUDE!!!!!

DUDE DUDE DUDE!!!! 

HE IS POWERED UP!!!! 

THAT’S MY BABY!!!! 

YES!!!! 

YES BABY!!!! <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 

THAT’S MY BOY!!!! <3 <3 <3 

OH MY GOD YES!!!

THAT! WAS! AWESOME!!! <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 

I don’t even know how, but WOW!!! THAT WAS SO COOL!!!! 

HECK YEAH WE DID!! 

...wait...what? 

It’s...it’s empty? Cause...only Death can read it, right? 

YES BOYS!!! 

OH MY GOD YES!!!! 

OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD!!! 

HA! I LOVE IT!!! 

I LOVE THE WAY THEY’RE DOING THIS OH MY GOD!!!! 

THIS IS OUR BOYS!!! 

OH!!

THAT MAKES SO MUCH SENSE!!!! 

Of COURSE Sam and Dean knew!! Because they WOULD KNOW!!! 

DUDE!!! THAT IS THE COOLEST THING EVER!!!! 

OH MY GOD YES!!!! 

THIS IS SO AWESOME!!! THESE BOYS!!! MY BABY!!! OH MY GOD!!! I LOVE IT!!! 

My Mom: JACK!!! <3 <3 <3 This! Is! Awesome!

THAT is a Winchester ending. Like no other. <3 <3 <3 <3 

HA! SCREW YOU YOU JERK!! 

They are 100% going to let him live. 

Because he wants to die. 

So they’re not gonna let him. 

HA!! I KNEW IT!! 

THAT’S OUR BOYS!!! 

THAT! IS SO PERFECT!! 

POETIC JUSTICE PEOPLE!! 

OH MY GOD!!! 

GUYS!!!

“That’s not who I am.” 

After Chuck just called him the ultimate killer, he knows he isn’t. 

BECAUSE OF CAS!! 

GUYS!!! 

HE TOOK CAS’S WORDS TO HEART OH MY GOD!!!

YES!!!

YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES!!! 

THAT IS THE BEST THING EVER!!!  THANK YOU CAS!!! 

CHARACTER!! GROWTH!! <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 

“It’s not his power anymore.” YAAAAAS BABY!!! <3 <3 

JACK REALLY IS OUR NEW GOD AHHH!!!! <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 

HA! 

THAT is the BEST!!! 

YES!!!

THAT is EXACTLY what you deserve, Chuck! 

THIS! IS! PERFECT!!! <3 <3 <3 <3 

BEAUTIFUL RESOLUTION SPN!!! SO GOOD!!!! 

Oh man, that music. The camera work. EVERYTHING!!! <3 <3 <3 <3 

HE’S SO DESPERATE OH MY GOD YES!!!! 

YOU DESERVE IT CHUCK!!! YOU DESERVE IT YOU JERK!!! 

YES BOYS!!! I’M SO PROUD!!! <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 

Guys OH MY GOD!! 

There are 15 minutes left still ahhhh I need this commercial to end so I can see the final resolution of this episode. 

WE BAAAAACK!! 

So...Jack can fix all of this now, right?? 

HIS LITTLE SMILE OH MY GOD I LOVE HIM!!!! <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 

HE DIIIIID IT!!!! 

MY BABY!!! I’M SO PROUD!!! <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 

HIS LITTLE SMILE OH MY GOD I’M CRYING!!! :’) :’) :’) :’) :’) <3 <3 <3 <3 

AND THIS SONG!! IT’S SO PERFECT FOR THIS SCENE!!

THE DOGGO!!! <3 <3 <3 

JACK’S EXTRA LITTLE SMILE FOR THE DOGGO OMG!!! <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 

safkl;jdsklfsajd THIS IS SO BEAUTIFUL!!! <3 <3 <3 <3 

Awww Dean! <3 

Awww....

...he isn’t, is he? 

... :( 

AWWW!!!

“I’m me.” <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 :’) :’) :’) :’) :’) :’) 

JUST LIKE WHAT HE SAID IN JIM’S GEMS!! 

OH MY GOD AHHH!!! <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 

I’M CRYING OH MY GODDDDDD!!! :’) :’) :’) :’) :’) :’) <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 

HE’S SO WISE AHHH!! I LOVE HIM!!! <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 

FAKJLA:DJKFD OH MY GOD AHHHH!!!! <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 

“I learned from you...and my mother...and Castiel..that when people have to be their best, they can be.” YEAH HI THAT’S IT!!! I’M DONE!!! I’M LOST!! ALL THE TEARS!!! 

“And that’s what to believe in.” <3 <3 <3 <3 

THIS IS SO FREAKING BEAUTIFUL OMG!!! THIS IS SUCH A PERFECT ENDING FOR MY BABY I’M SO PROUD AHHH!!!! <3 <3 <3 <3 

AND THIS IS SUCH A BITTERSWEET GOODBYE, but MAN, I LOVE IT!!! 

BECAUSE IT ISN’T REALLY GOODBYE!!

BECAUSE HE’LL ALWAYS BE THERE!!! 

AND HE KNOWS HOW TO PROTECT THE WORLD BECAUSE OF HIS DADS (AND KELLY)!!! <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 

OH MY GOD I’M CRYING ALL OF THE HAPPY TEARS RIGHT NOW THIS IS SO BEAUTIFUL!!! <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 

My Mom: OMG THIS IS SO GOOD!! <3 <3 

HE JUST TOUCHED HIS HEART I’M GONNA LOSE MY SH** OH MY GODDDDDD!!! :’) :’) :’) <3 <3 <3 <3 

HIS LITTLE GOODBYE!!! JUST LIKE HIS LITTLE HELLO!!! THIS IS SO PERFECT OH MY FREAKING GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD I LOVE THIS SO MUCH!!! <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 

<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 

“See ya Jack.” <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 

OMG THIS SHOT WAS IN THE “Carry On” PROMO!!! 

“To everyone that we lost along the way.” :’( :’( :’( :’) :’) :’) <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 

I’M CRYING OH MY GOD THIS IS SO BEAUTIFUL!!

THEY’RE FINALLY FREE!!! 

THEY’RE FINALLY FREE!!!! <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 

THAT LITTLE WAY DEAN GRABS SAM BEFORE THEY WALK OFF AHHHH!!! <3 <3 <3 

THEIR NAMES ARE ON THE TABLE HOLY FRICK!!!

CAS AND JACK’S NAMES ARE ON THE TABLE GUYS I JUST LOST ALL FUNCTIONALITY OH MY GOD!!!!! :’) :’) :’) :’) :’) :’) :’) <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 

THEY’RE DRIVING OFF!!! <3 <3 <3

OH MY GOD WHAT??!! 

THEY’RE ACTUALLY. MONTAGING US RIGHT NOW HOLY FRICK!!! 

GUYS THIS FEELS SO FINAL WHAT COULD NEXT WEEK EVEN BRING OH MY GODDDD!!!! <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 

THIS SONG TOO!!! GUYS OH MY GOD MY TEARS ARE JUST FALLING EVEN MORE!!! :’) :’) :’) :’) :’) :’) :’) :’) :’) :’) <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 

THEY WERE SO LITTLE OH MY GOD!!!! <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 

JESS!!

BELA!

DEATH! 

BECKY!

DONNA!

ALL OF THESE OLD CHARACTERS!!!! AHHHHH!!!! <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 

CHARLIE!! 

KEVIN!!!

THE WAY THEY’RE DOING THIS OH MY GOD I’M LOSING MY MIND!!! 

KELLY!!

THE DRIVING SCENE!!!!

ALL OF THESE SCENES OH MY GOD MY MOM AND I ARE JUST FULL-ON SOBBING RIGHT NOW!!! <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 

BOBBY!!

PAMELA!!

ELLEN!!!

CAS AND DEAN!! <3 <3 <3 

JODY! 

RUFUS! 

GARTH! 

MISSOURI!

GABRIEL! 

ROWENA!

EILEEN!

THIS ROLE CALL!!! GUYS!!! THIS WAS NOT WHAT I WAS EXPECTING AT ALL OMG THIS FEELS SO FINAL!!!! 

JO!

LUCI! 

KETCH! 

LEBANON!! <3 <3 <3 

THAT BULL SCENE!! 

FAN FICTION!!! <3 <3 <3 

MEG! 

CROWLEY! 

MICK!! 

BELPHEGOR!! 

WAYWARD SISTERS!! <3 <3 <3 

TEAM FREE WILL 2.0!!! THEIR LAST SCENES OF THE MONTAGE WERE OF TEAM FREE WILL 2.0!!! I LOVE IT!!! 

AND THAT ENDING SCENE!!! THE IMPALA!!!

“We got work to do.” 

GUYS!!! GUYS!!! GUYS!!!

COULD THAT HAVE BEEN ANY BETTER OH MY GOD!!! 

I LOVED IT!!! 

I LOVED IT I LOVED IT I LOVED IT!!! 

GUYS I MORE OR LESS CAN JUST JUMP RIGHT INTO THIS BECAUSE I’M ACTUALLY HAPPY CRYING NOT EVEN SAD CRYING OMG!!! 

I! LOVED! THIS! EPISODE!! 

THIS! WAS! SO! GOOD!! IT WAS PERFECT!! I HONESTLY DON’T EVEN KNOW HOW NEXT WEEK IS GONNA LOOK NOW!! That felt SOOO final, and I honestly wasn’t expecting that! 

I mean, I knew that this episode was intended to be the season finale, with next week being the series finale, but guys...that felt so final oh my god. And it was SO! GOOD!!! I FREAKING LOVED IT!! 

So, as I often do, I scrolled through Tumblr and other various social media posts to see what people thought, and I was so surprised to see that so many people didn’t like it! While I admit that the episode had a couple little flaws, and while there are still a couple of pieces missing, guys...there’s still one episode left. They can tie up the final loose ends (Cas and Eileen being the two big ones there) then. 

And for a “season finale”?? This. Was. BEAUTIFUL!! The way they tied up Chuck’s storyline was SUCH a Winchester thing, and it was beautiful. And Jack?? BECOMING THE NEW GOD AFTER ALL?! PERFECT! And the way they said goodbye?? STELLAR!! 

AND THEN THE MONTAGE??!! You can’t POSSIBLY tell me that that wasn’t the BEST THING EVER and didn’t make you cry and feel so happy and content!!! BECAUSE IT WAS PERFECT!! 

There was SOOO much about this episode to LOVE, and so much to break down, so the rest of this analysis is gonna be so freaking long, but gosh darnat, I’m ready. 

Okay, I’ll start out with the (very few) negatives so I can end with the amazing positives, though, frankly, I’m ‘bout to combat most of those negatives, because guys, this was too perfect. Don’t even with me. 

So, actually, when I’m focusing just on my own opinion here, the only, only thing that I didn’t really like about the episode was that they randomly brought back Lucifer only to kill him right away again. I get why they did it, but it’s not my favorite plot point. I had the same problem when they did it with Gabriel back in Season 13. If you’re not actually gonna keep them, then don’t bother bringing them back. Find something else. 

That said, I was really happy to see Lucifer, and it made me so happy to see Mark Pellegrino on the screen again. So, in the end, it was worth it, especially with EVERYTHING ELSE they did in return! <3 <3 

Alright. Now I want to address my thoughts on some of the things other people didn’t like about the episode.

First of all, yes, there was not a ton of talk about Cas’s death. But here’s the thing: we didn’t need it. Character-wise, and story-wise, a ton of talk about it wouldn’t make sense. Dean is emotionally stunted. He isn’t going to outwardly react here. In fact, it was pretty obvious that he was trying to be the strong one, but the fact that he couldn’t even try to comfort Jack other than an “I’m sorry” just proves how much he was really struggling inside. Plus, his binge-drinking later just furthers that. Ever heard of show not tell? We don’t need to sit there and listen to them talk about Cas’s death, because we can see how much it’s affecting them--especially Dean and Jack. 

Jack is heartbroken. From the second Dean tells him, we see how much he’s hurting, and it doesn’t go away--not even at the end. Even when he says goodbye, and everyone’s (theoretically) happy, the second he says Cas’s name, his voice breaks a little (more on that ending later). It’s so sad, but so beautiful. 

And Dean? I mean, come on people. The drinking and everything about his face is our first sign. Plus, when he and Sam went to Chuck to make a deal, Dean specifically emphasized that he needed Cas back in order for this deal to go off--and the emotion in his voice when he said it was beautiful. Plus, on top of all of that, there was that scene. You know, the one where he thinks it’s Cas, when there is no way it could be Cas, but he’s so desperate for it to be Cas that he loses all sense of logic and books it up the stairs?? THAT SCENE? Yeah. I’d say he’s pretty heartbroken, and lost, and confused without Cas. PLUS, he actually listened to every word that Cas said to him. Because, after Chuck tried to tell him that all he was was a killer? HE! SAID! NO! And that was because of Cas. 

And THEN, on top of all of that, THEY PUT CASTIEL ON THE TABLE!! (Side note: I’m pretty sure the fandom has collectively decided that the only reason it said “Castiel” is because the writers didn’t want to end on a “Cas” vs “Cass” debate, and I freaking love that, because I agree. XD) There would’ve been no better way to honor his death without bringing him back (more on that later). I! FREAKING! LOVED! IT! <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 

Alright. Now, let’s break down that ending, positives, negatives, and everything in between. 

Let me start by saying--and I cannot say this enough--I LOVED this ending. LOVED! IT! I thought it was a perfect end for Chuck, for Jack, for the boys--everyone. It was so beautiful and well-thought out, and the way they portrayed it was extra special. I thought it was amazing. 

Now, before I talk about what I loved about that ending, let me address the haters. And, be warned, I know I’m gonna get a little defensive here, but just remember: all of you are entitled to your opinions, and that’s totally fine. These are just my own thoughts--even if some of them might come off a little harsh--because I really do appreciate what the show did with this episode, whether other people do or not. And yes, I know Bucklemming wrote it, and they’re nobody’s favorite, but honestly, I thought they did really well with this one. It was AWESOME. 

For starters, we don’t know that the boys didn’t check in on all of their friends. We really can’t assume that. We went from the boys being in the middle of whatever town they were in (there were so many locations...I kind of lost track of where they ended up at the end...was it still Minnesota?) to them being in the Bunker. We have no idea what happened on the ride back, and my guess is probably that they did exactly that--checked in on everyone. Sam probably called Jody and Donna and Bobby and Charlie and all of them to make sure they were back and okay, because you’re right. They would. And they probably did. But the thing is, we didn’t need to see that, because we can assume that. Jack brought everybody back. Why do we have any reason to think that the boys’ closest friends and family wouldn’t be part of that list? They disappeared, and Jack brought back the people that disappeared. It makes sense to me. 

Second of all, Cas. Look, Destielers. I ship it too, okay? I do. How much I ship it depends on the day, but I do ship it. And I’m gonna say it, and you’re all going to hate me, but I am okay that Dean didn’t immediately ask Jack to bring Cas back because I think it works. I’m gonna be honest--I don’t think Cas is coming back. At least, not in the way everyone wants him to, and I think that’s good. I mean, the whole point of that scene was that Cas was sacrificing himself so Dean could live a life. It’s exactly what Jack was gonna do for Sam and Dean in 15x17, but the difference is that Jack was doing it out of guilt (and love, but mostly guilt). Cas was doing it completely and utterly out love. Sacrificing himself in the way he did led to everything that happened in this episode. It meant Sam and Dean being together to make the plan that let Jack become God. It meant letting the rest of his family live so that they could save the world. And guys...that sacrifice is amazing. Put the Destiel in it, take the Destiel out of it, do whatever, but that is exactly what Cas’s character has always been about. He’s been about protecting humanity and, especially, protecting Dean. And he did exactly that. I know I’m talking a lot about 15x18 right now, but I swear it connects. 

The thing is, if Jack brings Cas back, what does that do? I mean, yes, Dean would get him back, but...Jack isn’t even coming home. He’s God now. He’s protecting the world. And...as sad as it is, he doesn’t need his dads. They taught him so much, and now he’s able to be who is because of that. And Sam and Dean? They’re okay. They’re able to live their lives now. And guys, please don’t hate me, but Cas...doesn’t need to be in the story. His sacrifice was what brought them to where they are, and that is a beautiful thing. And I think Sam and Dean and Jack know that too. I mean, where do you think the “to everyone that we lost along the way” came from? 

Plus, in a much more real sense, think about this. The Empty’s mad at Cas, and the Empty is pretty dang powerful. What happens if Jack brings him back? Don’t you think that would open up a whole new world of problems? Wouldn’t that just put the Empty on our tail again? Yes, the Empty can’t come to Earth, but honestly, I’d be more bothered if they just pulled him back and didn’t address the problems that could cause from the Empty’s perspective. 

Guys. I know it sucks. I miss him too. But story-wise, it actually makes sense, whether we want to believe it or not. And again: we still have one episode left. They’re not just gonna leave it at that. I have faith that Cas is going to come back in some form--maybe not back back, per se, but probably as a memory or, as I mentioned before, maybe even in Dean’s Heaven. Whatever it is, Cas is still going to play a part in those final scenes, because our boys wouldn’t be who they are without him. And the show isn’t going to let him be forgotten. No one is. 

Lastly, those of you who are complaining about it being a bronlies ending...just...stop. XD 

Look. I love Team Free Will. I love Team Free Will 2.0. My favorite character is Jack. I am all for the expansive Winchester family. I love our new characters and our new family. 

But guys...the core of this show still is and always will be the Winchester brothers. Yes, their family got bigger. And yeah, that’s the most special thing ever. But their relationship will always, always be what drives this show. It’s what this show’s been about since Day 1, and even with their extended family, it’s still what this show has always been about--two brothers, saving people and hunting things together. So, yeah, the ending’s gonna be about the bros. Even next week, the ending is probably gonna be the bros. Because that’s what this show is. And it’s not like they forgot about their family. Guys, their names were ON THE TABLE. That right there proves how much of a family they all were. But in the end, it’s still always Sam and Dean. Always. And that’s how it should be. I”m not saying don’t include Cas and Jack. I’m not saying don’t include all of the other characters. For gosh sake, please, include all of the other characters. WHAT DO YOU THINK THAT MONTAGE WAS FOR?! But, in the end, the story only wraps when Sam and Dean’s story wraps, because that’s what this story is. And, to reiterate, it isn’t actually over. So. That’s what I have to say to that. 

Now that I have gotten all of that out of the way (holy frick I can’t believe I have more to say--can you imagine how long this is gonna be next week??), let me break down, from my perspective, how BEAUTIFUL that ending was. Piece. By. Piece. 

That entire twist was EPIC. That was the most Winchester ending to ever Winchester. The convolution. The fact that Sam and Dean knew about Jack, and knew about Michael, and used all of it to their advantage was so unbelievably THEM, and I loved it. And on top of that, the fact that Jack wound up being the pivotal turning point in that whole fight was BEAUTIFUL. Chuck’s clear panic and desperation and Jack just LAYING HIM! AMAZING! 

Those last lines between Sam and Dean and Chuck were SO. BEAUTIFULLY. WRITTEN. Chuck wanted a poetic ending--his characters being stronger than him and killing him in the end. But no. Because Sam and Dean and Jack are better than that. And the fact that Dean KNEW THAT, BECAUSE OF CAS?! “That’s not who I am.” Beautiful. And THEN! THIS:

“Then I think it’s the ending where you’re just like us. And like all the other humans you forgot about.” 

“It’s the ending where you grow old, you get sick, and you just die.” 

“And no one cares. And no one remembers you. You’re just...forgotten.” 

Because GUYS! 

THAT. IS. PERFECT.

Not only is that the best justice that Chuck could have possibly received after all of the crap he’s pulled, but think about that last line for a minute. “No one cares. No one remembers you. You’re just forgotten.”

That is the EXACT OPPOSITE of the legacy Sam and Dean will be leaving behind. It’s the exact opposite of the legacy of this show and its characters, because none of them will ever be forgotten. They think they will, but they won’t. That line says so much about this show, and that is absolutely amazing. 

And then, after all of that, everyone comes back because of Sam and Dean and Jack and what they did, and that just furthers that line of legacy even more. 

And oh my gosh. Jack. That proud little smile. The amount of wisdom that he has at freaking three years old--all because of his dads. I mean, let’s just think about that for a second. Jack was born with the entire world convinced that he was going to destroy it. But because of two salty hunters and a fallen angel, he became the new protector of everyone and everything, and he knows how to do it right. BECAUSE OF THEM. He knows how to care, how to treat people, and how to make the world a better place. All. Because. Of. Them. 

And yeah, he didn’t go back home, and it hurts a little bit, knowing that the little family isn’t together anymore. But Jack’s exactly right--they are together, and they always will be. Because they’ll always be in each other’s hearts. Jack won’t ever be far, and Cas will always be there in spirit. Always. 

And Sam and Dean? They’re gonna have each other until the day they die, just as they should. 

And to end all of that with the most beautiful freaking montage I have ever seen. Guys, I thought the Swan Song montage was the best thing in the world. But that? That left it completely behind. “To everyone that we lost along the way.” And, to all the people who are still in our hearts. To show all those characters, to show all those moments, and to show how they all impacted our boys...And then to end it with the boys driving off together towards their new future? Their free future? It. Was. Perfect. 

And, I will say this. Was everything completely wrapped up? No. Was it pretty dang close? Heck yeah. If this had been the official ending, I would’ve been a little disappointed, but it would’ve worked. Obviously, there are definitely a few key character and emotional pieces missing, but that’s why we have next week--one more to try to tie up our last little bits of emotion, and really truly finish out the story. But in all honesty, that was a BEAUTIFUL ending for the season, and I couldn’t have asked for anything better for this episode. 

In the beginning of Season 15, I started getting nervous. I started wondering: what if the ending sucks? I mean, I can name several shows that went on for so long with so many great things and then had a terrible ending that ruined it for fans. I was worried it would happen to Supernatural too. 

But after seeing that semi-ending--after seeing their season finale--I have total faith in them, as I should’ve from the beginning. I know that there’s no way that this ending could be bad. Not when they just delivered that to us. Between the storytelling, the acting, the cinematography, the editing, the music--all of it. It was such a BEAUTIFUL episode, and honestly, it’s already in my top ten. 

Say what you want about Bucklemming. Say what you want about the lack of Destiel. Say what you want about this episode. But to me, this episode was beautiful, and it couldn’t have been a more perfect way to end the Season 15 storyline. 

I am so, so excited to see what they give us next week. It’s going to be amazing. 

My Rating: 30/10

P.S. I...want to react to the 15x20 promo, but...there isn’t really much to react to, because they’re really trying to keep us from knowing what’s gonna happen I guess. So, I’m gonna wait and see if anymore promotional material comes out and then do it all at once.