#though I really gotta keep it going without these many weeks of hiatus | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

oopsimbug · 4 years ago

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in which... y/n is just trying to put on eyeliner and harry is bored pt. two

a/n: when she’s back from a six month hiatus after making only ONE fic. wow, do i suck. for anyone who cares, school has been pretty rough. i’m actually procrastinating studying for an exam to finally upload this. it’s been pretty hard to balance both school and writing but oh well. anywho, here it finally is. it took so long to write because i wasn’t feeling very inspired by this. a lot of people asked for a part two and even though i kinda wanted to leave it on a sad note, i am a sucker for giving the people what they want, so sorry if this is a bit shit- i definitely don’t like this one myself. i guess i’m not one for fluffy endings. well, at least for this one i wasn’t. i really hope you enjoy it! more stuff to come, if school doesn’t mind fucking off for a little while (or maybe just forever?) xox -(a) bug

pairing: best friend! harry styles x reader

summary: Harry is worried about Y/n. Y/n is worried about Harry. Harry is solving it by thinking of ways to check on her, while Y/n uses cheesy pasta and the Fresh Prince of Bel Air as an excuse to not think. But what will happen when someone is at her door, and it’s not her delivery man?

warnings: angst, swearing, y/n and harry being idiotos, fluffy end, kissing

word count: 5.3k

It had been a week.

One gruelling, painfully long week.

Harry was biting his nails, staring up at the ceiling as he laid in his bed, worrying about her.

About how he fucked up.

He didn’t think that she would be upset for this long. He thought she would scream at him and then text him the following day, wanting to hang out- a silent “I forgive you”, he supposed.

But after two days of radio silence on her end, he decided to call her. The only problem was that her last words to him were “leave”. She wanted space. She needed to think things through- what things? Harry had no clue. But he had to respect her and her choice to not want him around. So with that, he put down the phone.

But a small part of him (okay fine, a big part of him), wanted her to just show up at his house so they could cuddle again, talking about the stupidest of things while they made cupcakes in his kitchen. They would be listening to groovy music and now and then, they’d stop mixing bowls and sifting flour to dance- well, they were horrible dancers, so more so just wave their hands, hips and shoulders around. It would be fun and would always end up with them laughing at one another. He would lick the batter and she would berate him, telling him that “one of these days, you are going to get salmonella and I’ll just laugh at your stupid ass” and he would retort with something witty and a bit flirty like “don’t worry darling, we both know you would be right at my side if I got sick. I know you can’t stand being apart from me” with a wink and a cheeky smirk. He just wants to see her in her oversized Space Jam hoodie and little basketball shorts. Or her short flower shirt and his sweatpants that she has to cuff at the bottoms because they’re too long. Or even-

He’s gotta stop thinking about her, or his brain will soon explode. But he just can’t stop. He tries to think of the happier moments, like her showing him a tour of her very healthy houseplants that she prides herself in, but every time he closes his eyes, all he can see is her teary face telling him to leave. So no, if he was given the choice to think of her flailing her arms around in his kitchen to dancehall tunes while making sweet treats or crying at something that he provoked, you bet your ass he’d choose the former.

But after the seventh day, he knew that something wasn’t right. This was too much “thinking time”. For all he knew, she could be fine, but she could also be positively bawling. She could be living for this free time, but she also could be waiting for him to make the first move. She could be wanting Harry out of her life for her benefit forever, but she also could be feeling lonely and counting the seconds for their makeup, just like he was.

That was it. He had to go see her and make sure his best friend was okay.

He practised what he was going to say to her in his car on the way to her apartment. “Y/n, I’m so sorry for how I acted. I didn’t stop to think about how you were feeling and didn’t take your emotions into account which was unbelievably wrong of me. I’m truly sorry. It’s just that I really care about you and you’re my best friend and I can’t see you choose a tinder fuck over me and if I saw him in the street I would knock his lights out and I just want to kiss you, can I kiss you, oh god please let me kiss you I just want to-“

Fuck, what was wrong with him? Why was he so upset? He had been on plenty of dates with other celebrities and models and she was always on the sidelines, cheering him on. So why was he getting so touchy-feely about a single tinder date? Maybe he was just in desperate need of attention. He hadn’t had a girlfriend for almost one year and casual fuck arounds also stopped about four months ago, so maybe he just needed to fuck someone quick. That would explain why he sees his best friend’s kindness and natural flirty nature as something more romantic. Every laugh at his jokes, every look in her eyes, every graze of her hand on his thighs as she leans over him to get her drink on the side table next to him, he becomes more switched on and awake. She leaves him feeling giddy and excited at every conversation. “This can’t just be because I’m horny right?” he cannot believe he would ever be that horny. What the hell was he going to do?

This is pathetic she thought.

I’m pathetic.

She let out a huge sigh before shoving another forkful of cheesy pasta into her mouth.

What am I doing?

The answer?

Eating carbs upon carbs upon carbs, lounging on her comfy sofa in the most comfortable, yet daggiest pair of pyjamas ever while watching reruns of The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air for the fiftieth time, actively avoiding all commitments, housework and jobs that involve moving further than to the kitchen, which even then was an embarrassingly burdening trek on its own.

But she let it slide. How could she not? She was upset and this was how she coped. That’s what she kept reminding herself as she boiled more and more pasta watching the days pass her by without realisation, but now, she’s beginning to question if this was the best idea. Pushing all thoughts of him out of her mind by not looking at her phone just in case he called or texted. But she was beginning to struggle.

It wasn’t his fault. He didn’t know what inner turmoil she was facing. He seemed genuinely hurt when she snapped at him. He truly didn’t understand why she took so much offence to the playground ribbing, it seemed. And she had to go be a dick and ignore him. He was probably worried sick. How many times would he have called to check up on her? 10? 15? The more she thought about it, the more she wanted this stupid feud to be over and just be in his arms again, even if it��s just as a friend. So she caved. Turned on her phone, expecting there to be at least a call or a text asking if she was still alive or not. And although she did receive a message of that likeness, it wasn’t from Harry, no. It was from her daily water tracking app, pleading her to fill in her daily intake of water so as to not die of dehydration after she was suspected to have not drunk any for the entire week when in reality, she was just too in her head to open her stupid phone and log her water.

Wow, she thought.

Now not only has Harry chosen to not speak to you, but you also look like a huge idiot right now. Of course, he wouldn’t want to talk to you! You got pissed at him for absolutely no reason and now he hates you. He’s gonna ask for his cardigan and track pants that he keeps at your house in case he wanted to sleepover. He’s going to take back all of his little knick-knacks that he leaves over, like the cute diffuser that he leaves because he knows you need it for your constant hay-fever that blocks your nose and then he’s going to declare that you aren’t friends anymore and then you will never get the chance to tell him how you feel and then-

Her panicky brooding is interrupted by a knock on the door.

“Who the hell could that be?”, she thinks. It was too late for it to be the postman with her package containing her entire Amazon wish list that she bought on the third day of mourning to make herself feel better. But it couldn’t be Mrs Xiao asking her if she had any holes in her shirts that needed stitching. The sweet old lady fell asleep at 8:37 pm sharp after her medicine that she’d take at 8:30 pm would kick in (which she learnt after spending nights over at her apartment where her niece, Mei, took care of her. Y/n would learn traditional recipes like baozi and watch movies with her two friends all the time). It couldn’t be Mei either, she was always in online uni lectures from 8:30-10:30 pm, locked away in her little study, so as to not bother or be bothered. So now, a little panicked, Y/n wondered who was truly at her door?

Another two knocks come, echoing off the walls of her little apartment as she turns down the volume of the program she was watching. She stares at the door from her couch, debating whether she should risk getting stabbed by a possible murderer or not, before ultimately deciding that life was too short. She was also getting sick and tired of the knocks that kept arriving in threes. She swings her legs off the couch and onto the floor, pushing them into her slippers so that her feet wouldn’t touch the cold floor, waddling her way to the door before shyly opening it, peeking at who it could be through the tiny crack in the opening, hoping whoever it was wouldn’t mind her current state: belly filled with pasta, hair knotty, giant shirt with sweatpants on and Harry’s patchwork cardigan hanging off her shoulders- which she had been wearing all day, cherishing the pretty piece of clothing and his scent imbedded in it, taking it all in just in case he asks for it back. She peeps at the torso of this mystery person, realising that Harry owns the jumper worn by them, before looking up and locking eyes with a worn out and tired eyed Harry, one hand in the pocket of the familiar hoodie and another extended out near the door, ready to knock again before freezing when it opens up all the way to show herself to her best friend. He doesn’t eye her up and down cheekily like he normally does when she is wearing pyjamas, wolf-whistling at her relaxed state, claiming that “You look runway-ready, my love! Do a twirl for the crowd, will you?”. Instead, he stares her right in the eyes with what looks like almost relief, before smiling a weak and broken smile.

One of them needed to break the silence or both would have just stared at each other in her doorway until the world exploded. So she starts.

“Hi.” her voice hovers a tinge above a whisper, almost as though if she dared to speak louder, this probable illusion of the one she loves would fade away. He lights up a little bit, probably relieved that she started the conversation.

“Hey,” his soft voice matched her volume and tone as if he too didn’t want this to be a dream. “May I come in?” The words sound awkward to her coming out of his mouth. Harry never had to ask for permission to be invited in- he usually just strolled in without so much as a holler to indicate he was present, finding amusement in scaring her instead while she was doing whatever she was doing, whether that be reading, watching a movie, cooking or napping. They were the best of friends and never had to inquire about entry to each other’s domains, along with other small things like if they had anything in their kitchens to eat or if they could sit somewhere, so hearing it was a little disheartening and provoked Y/n to think about how serious this situation was.

“Okay”, she replied after the pause of contemplation, opening the door fully so that the lanky boy could follow along behind her, like a little puppy. She didn’t like how awkward the situation was. She just wanted things to go back to what they were.

But then you wouldn’t be able to tell him you love him... her inner voice argued. And she agreed. She knew that yes, this will be awkward, but it’s an opportunity for him to listen to her and know that she isn’t joking.

“Would you like some tea?” She enquires. They’ll need to handle this like proper grown-ups (which in all honesty, isn’t their dynamic- it’s more like first-year uni students who are mature enough to have deep conversations but still laugh at dad jokes and anything remotely serious, like a painting with boobs), and from what she knows, or has seen in movies when the characters are being serious, is that you need tea or a drink of that sort and a sit down on the couch where you talk stuff out. So that’s exactly what she does.

“Yes please,” Harry’s soft voice replies as he toes off his boots that most definitely cost more than her apartment. Y/n nods and heads to the small kitchenette and flips the switch on the electric kettle before going into her cupboard that housed the mugs. Harry stood awkwardly near the sofas, and to save him the embarrassment of waiting while standing, Y/n invites him to sit with a small, “You can take a seat,” and a quick glance at him before returning her gaze to the mugs to make herself look busy. She didn’t want to look him in the eyes for more than three seconds in fear of bursting into tears and the worn out and tired sight of him. She shakes the thought out of her head and begins to prepare the mugs.

Y/n put two teabags in her mug while putting one in Harry’s. She was raised in a household of avid tea drinkers and she inherited her strong tea quirk from her father who would always keep two teabags with only a dash of milk, and the only difference between her tea and her fathers was that Y/n wasn’t strong enough to take her tea without sugar, unlike her father, who thought that drinking unbelievably concentrated leaf juice with milk was a fun and relaxing time. On the other hand, Harry liked to keep one tea bag in his mug while he drank it, but just like her father, he too took little to no sugar with his cup, being the health freak he was. And early in their friendship, when she mentioned it to him, Harry chuckled and chirped, “Your father is a smart man. He has to be for raising amazing and talented people like your siblings. I’m not sure what went wrong with you though...” while booping her nose as they laid together under a tree for a little picnic. And though she rolled her eyes at him and punched his shoulder for the sly dig at her, she was practically beaming at the fact that he thought her family was smart. Harry had no idea how much that meant to her. Y/n loved her entire family, and she was unbelievably close to them, so it made her entire week to know that Harry, someone she respected and loved so much, recognised how talented and smart each of her family members were. Don’t get her wrong, she didn’t need the validation to know that her family was amazing, but she felt so special knowing he took the time to notice. He did that a lot though. Doing things that meant a lot to her without batting an eye. Saying things that only a person as observant as he could notice, like complimenting her eye colour in the light and asking her to read for him because he constantly mentions how much he loves her voice.

Y/n looked over to the same sweet guy she fell head over heels for, who was sitting on her couch, fidgety as ever, and wondered if they would ever be the same after the very next moments to come. She didn’t want things to change between them, but she was dying inside knowing that he wasn’t hers. And getting over him was not in the question, after the fiasco that happened last week. She just wished she could get inside his head to sate her painful curiosity.

What is he thinking about?

What is she thinking about?

It’s the million-dollar question running through his mind. What was she pondering over as she made them tea? Did she want to talk to him? Was she mad that it took him so long to find the balls to face her? Was she as nervous as he was? Was she worried that they would never be the same again like he was?

He was going into panic mode, questioning everything, while probably looking stupid as ever. As much as he regretted how awkward things were now, and the fact that he instigated her to lash out at him a week ago, he was realising that he was not regretting the fact that he did it. He didn’t want her to go out with someone else, and she didn’t. And yes, of course, he feels bad-beyond bad, in fact- for making her cry, and wishes he could take it all back, he also sees this as an opportunity to tell her how he feels about her. He could finally tell her that he thinks about her all the time. About her soft smile, her bright eyes, her melodic laugh, her speaking voice that brings butterflies to his stomach. He could tell her about how he loses himself at work, the grocery store, fuck- even at events- thinking about what she was doing at her house. Was she under her blankets on her couch, watching some corny tv show? Was she baking her signature choc chip cookies that taste like the gods blessed every single biscuit on the tray before they were put in the oven? Was she knitting her cat, Chesnut, another rug to plonk herself down on, with her feet up on the ottoman as she listened to the 7 o’clock news on the radio? Was she writing a paper for another deadline? Something so sophisticated, like the exploration of white and male privilege and how it is ingrained in our society? Something that Harry tried to understand and research so that he could stay in the loop with his smart girl’s interests, but he always struggled with.

It was a huge insecurity of his. Not that his best friend was smarter than he was, no way. He treasured the fact that she could and would whip his ass at a debate on things like the state of the world, or human rights. She could school him on global politics, languages, maths, science, history and literally anything else, and he would be cheering her on. What he was insecure about was her realising that he was probably slowing her down in life. Y/n was well within her rights to kick him out of her life for being nothing but a freeloader and stopping her from reaching her full potential, what with him constantly stopping her from her own life to help him go through shit happening in his. Whenever he was sad, or confused, or upset, Y/n was the first person he would talk to and he feared that she would realise that he was probably taking advantage of her and stop talking to him. And that scared him. It scared him because he knew that she didn't need him at all, but he needed her to do anything in life. Every major and minor decision in his life has been approved by Y/n first, and not because she was a controlling friend who didn’t trust him with his own life, but because Harry needed her validation. Harry Styles, a world-famous superstar, had girls, guys and non-binaries at his feet, following his every beck and call. Harry Styles, who was on the cover of every magazine, known by every celebrity, dated only the most perfect of women, required validation from Y/n, a psychology major at a small university. Y/n, who liked to plan her day out on a to-do list, end up not doing anything on that to-do list and cry about it afterwards. Y/n, who breaks it down to “Murder She Wrote” by Chaka Demus & Pliers like it’s her last 4 minutes and 5 seconds alive on this Earth while making pancakes. Y/n, who cries more when she’s laughing while watching Tik Toks than she does during sad movies.

To celebrities, Y/n was nothing but a regular. But to Harry, she was all. She was the warmth of a sweater that you toss in the dryer for a few minutes to make it extra toasty. She was the pad of butter that you spread onto your pumpkin sourdough toast and it ends up being exactly the amount you wanted. She was the feeling when you are driving home from a long day of interviews and premiers, and you’re on the freeway and the windows down and you just… exist. She is the feeling you get when you watch Pride and Prejudice, and the relief of when you find the perfect word to end a lyric. She is when your shoes fit perfectly, and when you finish a book so utterly fulfilling that you lie there in a trance, looking up at your ceiling at 3 am, wondering how you could have been so lucky to be able to be blessed with an ending like the one you just read. Y/n was all those things and more.

And that’s why he had to tell her he loved her. No matter how scared he was.

***

The electric kettle is finished boiling the tea all too quickly as the bubbling comes to an end and the distinct click of the switch turning back off echoes around the silent apartment. Y/n had poured the scalding hot water into the two cups she had prepared stared into them.

It was time. She had tried to avoid this for as long as possible, but now it was the moment to face the music. She picked up the two mugs of tea and brought them to her lounge where Harry was sitting on her worn in green sofa, staring at her coffee table, eyebrows scrunched, pouted lips, deep in thought, before looking up at her with wide green eyes, and followed her to where she stood in front of him. She passed his mug to him before sitting on the comfy chair a few feet away from the sofa and from him, putting some distance in between them for her sake, so that she wouldn’t try to hug him and say sorry without saying what she needed to say first. Which she needed to start talking about now, so as not to sit in the awkward silence created by the two.

Say something!!

“So…’

Jesus fuck…. was that all you could think of? Wow. I am going to lose my best friend.

Y/n was choking.

“I am so sorry,” Harry’s voice intercepts, raspy from the lack of use, looking up from the coffee table he seemed so interested in. “I am so fucking sorry Y/n. I have no excuse as to why I was making fun of you that day. I pushed too far and I am a shit friend for not noticing that you were already on edge. It was so wrong of me and I am so sorry.” He stopped himself before he started to ramble, looking at her with eyes filled with an emotion she couldn’t decipher.

Y/n felt… unsatisfied. Why did she feel this way? He apologised, right? So why does she feel unfulfilled? Why does she want him to say more? He hit all of the points he had to for a standard apology, so why did she think he hadn’t done enough? Was it that little optimist in her brain hoping he would maybe reveal a slight attraction to her? Maybe tell her that he loves her, and has loved her forever and ever? Confess that she has bewitched him, body and soul so that she didn’t have to? God, was she an idiot. But a lovestruck idiot at that. She bites her tongue and replies.

“Harry, I forgive you. Although you were annoying as ever,” She rolls her eyes and smirks, while he lets out a breathy, half-assed chuckle, showing his acknowledgement at her attempt to ease the lowered yet still prevalent tension. She continues. “ I understand that you were just trying to have fun. I guess I was the one who irrationally lashed out . I am always okay with you poking fun at me, but I was just frustrated and tired and I took it out on you. I’m sorry for the improper communication and I’m sorry for pushing you away when we should’ve just talked…”

“I forgive you too. I think this was just miscommunication on both parts.” He stared into her eyes, almost as if he could sense the discontent in her, but chose to ignore it.

“I guess so.” She halfheartedly answered, not really knowing where to take the conversation next. They had both apologised, but evidently still had things to say. Well, Y/n had things to say, that’s for sure, but she was pretty sure that Harry wanted to say something too. He had that look on his face where he wanted to say something but was forcing himself not to.

What does he want to say? Why can’t he say it to my face? I mean, sure, I’m also hiding shit I wanna say, but I have an excuse. This could ruin our friendship. What does he have to say?

“Great,” Harry replies, trying to fill the awkward pauses and conversation that is being held. He still looked like he had something to say, but seemed like he was not budging.

Well, if he’s not saying anything, I’m not either. Why do I have to confess my feelings and put our friendship on the line if he isn’t even going to say what’s on his mind?

“So, are we good?”

“I don’t know. Are we? I mean, I forgive you and you forgive me, right?”

“Right… No yeah, we’re alright. We’re completely fine!” Y/n replies quickly. Why the fuck would you say that? You’re not fine.

There is a pregnant pause and Y/n has half a better mind to just get up, walk to the bathroom again with her head down and lock herself in there till he leaves again, because she cannot take this awkward conversation. Not with him. She shifts, ready to stand up to get some water, when Harry looks at her, confusion and slight panic setting into his face.

“Wait. I don’t think I’m fine…” She looks up at the boy sitting in front of her, reading the words from her mind like they were scribed on a piece of paper in the blackest of ink, permanent and bold. Her heart stuttered. What else did he want?

“Is everything okay, H?” she tentatively asks. He loses eye contact with her, gaze lowering towards the table in front of him

“I-” he pauses, trying to collect his thoughts while simultaneously trying to explain to her why he wasn’t okay. “I just- fuck” his head falls down, his face inches away from the hot tea in his hands, the humid steam billowing out of the mug and warming his elegant face as he takes a deep breath and tries once more to convey his thoughts. “I don’t want us to be friends again.”

Her heart stops. This could go one of two ways. He could either be confessing his hatred or his adoration for her, and either one would probably end with her imploding. She tries to take a neutral tone when she replies.

“What does that mean, H?”

He looks at her once more. “It’s not enough, Y/n... “

“What?” She is confused. Her friendship isn’t enough? How is she supposed to reply to that?

“I want more. I don’t want us to just be friends. I want to be more with you. I want to do more with you. I want to do things that friends… they shouldn’t do together…”

Is he trying to confess he likes her? Why, in all the ways you could speak, would he choose to speak like that?! She has had enough of him dawdling around his feelings. “Harry, stop being cryptic and fucking tell me what’s going on?!”

“I love you, Y/n! I fucking love you, Y/n. So much. And it is eating me from the inside out. I hate that we can’t be normal anymore, and I hate that you don’t love me the way I love you, but I cannot sit here and pretend everything is fine, because I love you.”

Y/n is stunned. Frozen in her spot. Can’t move, can’t speak, can’t breathe. Stuck in space, and stuck in time.

Holy fucking shit… he loves me…

While Y/n processes the life changing knowledge that her best friend loves her, her best friend conveniently sits next to her, wishing that he was dead for the letdown he was about to receive.

“Say something… please, for the love of God, say something!”

****

She looks up at Harry. Not Harry Styles, playboy, whore, singer, millionaire, but instead; Harry, her best friend of five years, reddened face out of embarrassment. She sees the mortality in his eyes. Feels his presence so heavily in the moment. She is in awe. True awe of him, and his ability to love her. And with that awe- and that stupid look on her face, she reaches up and cradles his face in her hands, brushing her thumbs softly over his plush pink lips. He stands just as still as her, barely breathing, as if it would shatter the fantasy to stardust and he would wake up in his bed, cold shivers running down his spine, as has happened previously whenever he thought of this moment, staring up at his ceiling at 3:40AM wondering why he thought of his best friend in such a way. She creeped closer to his face before stopping a breath away from him, and whispered.

“Is this okay?”

She looked into his eyes, and he looked into hers, both never feeling so alive before. He wishes to tell her that she needn’t ask for his permission, and that he wants to kiss her forever. Eternally locked in an embrace that holds their souls together. But all he can muster is a weak and broken whisper back.

“Please,”

She can hold it for no longer, and leans in the rest of the way, their lips moulding together, for the very first time, eyes fluttering close, as his hands reach to grab her by the hips to straddle him, deepening the kiss even further. And when they part for breath, panting for air with slightly moist lips, they touch foreheads, eyes still closed. Words needn’t be exchanged- everything that yearned to be said was useless, as it could never describe how they truly felt for each other. So hopelessly besotted with one another, that all they could do was breathe together before kissing once more, hoping that their actions could provide even an iota of an idea of how much they love one another.

Two best friends, turned lovers forevermore.

#by bug #harry styles angst #harry styles x reader #harry styles x y/n #harry styles imagine #harry styles #harry styles fluff #hope you have a wonderful day my little pots of sweet tea!

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noonmutter · 4 years ago

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Personal shiz. Just putting most of it behind a thing in case you don’t wanna read it.

I remember a post that floated around my dash a while ago--a few days, a few weeks, who the hell knows, everything blurs together now--about long absences and how they should be allowed to go unmentioned sometimes as a general rule of friendship. And I thought about it for awhile, but I couldn’t really get behind the sentiment, at least not on its face. Not without some caveats. Taking a hiatus, going away, leaving for a while; these are fine. Absolutely fine. Sometimes you gotta unplug before you go insane. “Ghosting,” on the other hand--disappearing without a word, even through a proxy, without even a minimum of “life is bad, I’ll be back someday”... That sucks. It always sucks. Even if they come back, even if you let it pass, it still sucks. And that feeling is valid, too.

I’ve been online since I was nine years old; I’m 33 now. I am a child of the internet as it was becoming something people did, instead of something people referred to. And something I got used to as I was chatting with friends I’d never met (most of whom I never would meet) was the simple fact that one day, many of them would stop showing up. Sometimes people just completely disappeared. Here today, chatting about video games and common early teenagery bitching about how nobody understands you, gone tomorrow like they never were. Hell, one of the saddest stories/memes/greentext/screenshots-from-4chan/whatever a lot of people ever saw was a guy talking about his buddy on Xbox who would speak in broken English, helping the guy play games and pointing out solutions in Portal 2 coop, and eventually saying ‘bad times friend ahead,’ warning that he might have no computer and no home. Promises he will return. And then his friend never got back online again.

And that’s fair. Life happens; it sure as hell happened to the guy in that story, real or fictional. The internet was not the sum total of one’s life. I know that, you know that; most people know that. That’s sort of transmuted to the opposite in the last few years, and 2020 in particular. The internet is everywhere, in almost everything, all the time now. It’s entirely possible (and in 2020, likely) to spend no time in the physical presence of another human being while still socializing with numerous human beings all day. Hanging out happens online as much as it used to in a park or a restaurant.

For many years I managed to just take the disappearances in stride somehow, it didn’t upset me. Of course, it upset me a bit--obviously, I’d lost someone I considered a friend and that I thought considered me one--but I wasn’t angry or bitter. Just sad. Thinking about it it was probably a very low-key form of grief. I used to get pangs when I’d read log files of old RP from a decade or more ago, coming across names I barely remembered until they were right in front of me, and suddenly my memory worked again for a few minutes while I reminisced to myself. So I made myself get rid of those log files after a few years, and it took a fair bit of weight off me. I still miss those people, but...bad idea to just keep reopening a wound.

At some point in adulthood, though, I stopped being able to just let the disappearance of friends roll off me. I don’t know when that happened; I just know that it did. Nowadays, it is my worst fear that somebody I love talking to, and who hopefully loves talking to me, will just stop, and disappear, and I’ll never know why or what happened. Maybe I develop more real attachments to people these days than I did as a teenager. Maybe that shift from “using the internet” to “being online“ significantly changed how much depth my online relationships have and I care more because there’s more to care about. Maybe I’ve just been burned too many times by the shitty ones, the gaslighters and the stalkers and the wierdoes. I don’t know.

And what bothers me most about this, the lessened ability to just let go and be okay in the silence, is that I have no idea how normal it is to be broken up by it. But I do know it fuckin’ sucks, and I do know that there has to be a limit somewhere. At what point is it no longer being a good friend who’s patiently waiting, and some form of delusion to be sitting back and hoping they’ll pop up again? Am I just missing people I care about, or is this some wierd codependent bullshit that I need to solve on my own?

This ramble has no point. I’m just feeling like shit and missing old friends and needed to write it down.

#personal

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neeterloveschenford · 5 years ago

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Thoughts on RNM 2x13

Howdy partners! Well here we are at the end of the season. Even though I didn’t have to work today and was able to watch last night, I needed time to process what happened. I also was very interested in all the diverging opinions last night and today over everything that happened with Malex. I am still smiling when I think about all that went down. (And I know I keep harping on this, but I am NOT a positive person outside of this show. Every time I talk about how hopeful I am to my two friends at work who are are fandom junkies, they are like Damn Dawnita, when’d you get so positive! But I digress.) All in all I was very pleased with this episode. And it sure as heck was loads better than last year’s finale. So without further ado, let’s dive in shall we!

Things I Liked:

-Badass science goddess Liz saving the day! She’s amazing. I love her. And Isobel also being a badass containing the fire! That’s my girls!

-Glad Charlie was rescued! At least Helena did something right.

- Gregory Manes is bestest brother to ever brother and I would take a bullet for him. And even thought I really love Trevor St John and thought Jesse was a very compelling villain, I am glad Jesse’s dead. It was time for him to go. He was getting too comic book villain.

- Even though I have some issues with Max, I am glad he’s ok. I did not want to revisit the save Max at all costs storyline.

- Liz getting recognition for her brilliance is nice, But we know Diego shady, so.......

- “Witch serum” made me snort. Also, Maria knows what’s what. I still maintain she’s feeling Michael’s leftover emotions from Alex’s kidnapping now that she’s not wearing the bracelet.

- Well, it took several episodes, but Max finally was supportive of Isobel without making it all about himself. She is pretty amazing and it’s about time he told her.

- Isobel acts all hard and tough, but she wants to find real love so badly!

- They FINALLY faced their trauma from the tool shed! Michael handing Alex that hammer was so symbolic. Alex angry screams. God baby I wanna give you all the hugs!

- Of course there was a dead body! Poor Tripp!

- I am totally loving the brotp of Max and Cam. She gets so much joy dragging him. They make me laugh every time they are together.

- I think the M!luca I love you’s were handled well. I’m not upset that she got an I love you before Alex. I mean haven’t we gotten these epic declarations from Malex over the last two seasons? I’ll take and I never look away, not really over a simple I love you any day of the week. And what’s so wrong with them actually loving each other? Maria KNOWS she’s not Michael’s cosmic love. She realizes that, yes, Michael would have risked his life to save her. But I think he would have gone to the others first and not just dropped everything to save her. And it’s not a bad thing to love someone but know that in the long run they are not the one you’re supposed to spend your life with. I have an ex-boyfriend that I still think is one of the finest people I’ve ever met and I love him dearly. But we just weren’t meant for the long haul. I think this is what Michael and Maria will be to each other. (Ok, enough of that.)

- Tripp and Nora (sigh!) I just love their romance. The fact that Tripp used the word cosmic just melted my heart. And the Malex look when Alex read that. I just died a little. Such a beautiful parallel.

- Drunk acting Jenna is perfection. And she’s right! Women should tell other women when they’re beautiful!

- So what’s wrong with Max’s heart? I want to see that x-ray Kyle.

- I like that Isobel ships Tripp and Nora. Same girl. Tell me more boys.

-”Can we all cowboy up and focus please?” I love it when Isobel sasses. She’s the best. And can we have more bro moments between Max and Michael please? It’s some of the few times Max doesn’t get on my nerves.

-How many times are the Manes/Truman couples going to break my heart? Tripp had to leave her. (SOB) He doesn’t a family without her!

-I really want to know about the date June 14, 1997. Why will they be safer 50 years from then?

-Loved the Jenna/Charlie reunion. Glad Charlie decided to stick around.

- This Echo fight has been too long coming. They have held things back from each other every single time they had any kind of conflict. It was bound to boil over. And they are both right. Liz was taking things too far. Max makes decisions without consulting anyone else. They both needed to be called out on their behaviors.

- I adore the sisters Ortecho. I would watch a whole show just about Liz and Rosa. (With plenty of Arturo moments.)

- Finally some Kylex! It was flawless. It gave us hope for Flint’s redemption and acknowledged how Alex has forgiven Kyle. In Alex’s mind, if Kyle can change, then anyone can. Give me more of them in season 3 please and thank you.

- Alex’s song! It just gutted me. Tyler is so incredibly talented. And the look on Michael’s face when he realized it was Alex singing. Then when Alex saw Michael. These two goobers! Ugh! (Ok I’m going to delve into more of this at the end. I have a lot to say.)

- Rosa telling Helena loves her but she needs to leave them alone was beautiful. This is Rosa growing up. She’s not the angry teenager anymore.

- “We are sick of being pissed at you for being obnoxiously yourself.” Same Michael, same.

- I’m not sure if I like or don’t like Max 1.0. Although I will be obnoxiously saying Howdy partner from now on. And I want to know about him being the stowaway. (Hey, we got an answer to something!)

Things I Didn’t Like:

- Gotta say I didn’t enjoy Crash Con. Glad it was over and done with quick.

- So did anyone wonder what was actually wrong with Maria at the hospital? Michael said she had surgery, but for what? I’m assuming it was for internal bleeding, but most people don’t just spontaneously start bleeding internally.

- Of course Jesse gets to die a hero. But who covered it up? Was it Alex? Is there someone else involved int PS that we don’t know about yet?

- Diego, you are just shady and I don’t like you. I was rooting for you too. Shame.

- Is it bad that I really don’t care about Steph? It is? Guess I’m resigned to just being bad. Cause I just don’t care. Congratulations you didn’t die.

- Max! You couldn’t have just taken everything, or called Liz or even Alex? Wrong move dude. Seriously dude.

- That’s the building you blew up? I am not impressed. That was a waste of f/x.

- No romantic gesture from Max to try to get Liz to stay. Just goes to show how off the deep end Max really is at this point.

- The stowaway’s beard upsets me.

Malex:

Ok here’s where I’m going to dive into the deep end of my Malex feels. First of all, I did not take Alex performing as his big love declaration. He didn’t tell most people that he was going to sing. Even Kyle didn’t know. He had no idea that Michael was going to walk in at that moment. And since it’s been at least a week, maybe more, since Crash Con, I think Alex and Forrest were already seeing each other casually. Obviously, since Forrest at least knew he was singing, they have had some kind of contact. And Michael’s reaction was probably the most Michael thing he’s done all season. Michael sacrifices himself for other people’s happiness. When he looked over and saw the besotted look on Forrest’s face, he knew that Forrest could give Alex something in that moment that Michael couldn’t. Stability. Michael is just now realizing that he can’t blame all of their problems on Alex walking away or the despicable acts of the Manes family. He knows that if he’s going to good for the one person in this world that he wants to be good for, then he’s going to have to work to get there. He can’t hide in his relationship with Maria anymore. He has no choice but to face his problems head on and change for the better. I’ve seen so many people upset that they didn’t have a conversation after the song, but did they need to? They have hashed this out over and over again almost every episode this season. Despite talking in past tense, they know how much they love each other. Michael built a bomb that would kill himself and every alien on the planet just to save Alex. Alex wrote and performed a freaking love song about Michael. Michael knows that he has to deal with his traumas before he can be with Alex. But for the first time in forever he’s confident that they will find their way back to each other. And he would be a complete hypocrite if he asked Alex to wait for him and not get involved with Forrest. Michael wasn’t exactly celibate during the lost years. Also, I don’t think we’re going to get the big love triangle that we got this season. I don’t think Forrest and Alex are going to be a super heavy romance. As far as we know Forrest isn’t looking to lose himself in a relationship like Michael and frankly Maria were. So I’m not worried about them at all. And with a big time jump to deal with Covid-19, they can even have the relationship end organically. Alex could get deployed somewhere and they realize that they are better off as friend. Then Alex can come back and Michael will have worked on being a better person and they can start over again. And it will be glorious, because once those two work it out, that’s it. They are going straight into domestic bliss. They might even start a little dad band!

So that’s all I’ve got for now. I have many more thoughts, but this is probably the longest review yet, so I will be back with more theories and such at a later date. I am planning on a little project for the lengthy hiatus where I write my thoughts on each individual character. Some will be short because they are minor characters without much backstory. Some will be huge and no one will finish it because Dawnita says way too much about certain things! But until then, I hope you all stay safe and healthy. Till later my lovlies!

#roswell new mexico #long post #like really long post #season 2 episode 13 #spoilers #speculations #malex #as always #like seriously #sorry for the long post

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yangyeet · 5 years ago

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Is This Heaven (Final)

Pairing: Jaemin x Reader (ft. friends!Jisung & Donghyuck)

Genre: Fluff, Angst

Status: Finished! Preview Here; Part 1 Here; Part 2 Here!

Prompt: In a world where people have their soulmate's name on their body somewhere, you find yourself caught in a dilemma that would result in a whirlwind of events. Are you ready to face this challenge in a world known to be cruel? Will you find your heaven in a place where people refuse to follow their hearts? Or will you fall as a victim to the legend?

Warnings: character death im sorry in advance

Word Count: 6.6K

Jaemin. Na Jaemin. That was the name of the person who had entered your life like a hurricane and left you on the edge of your seat, eager for more. He certainly was a whirlwind of a person. In under 24 hours of learning about his existence, he had managed to charm you through snapchat, meet you with a mysterious bullet wound, and was now about to tell you another grappling secret that you were sure would impact you significantly.

“Do you…do you perhaps know what The Dragon is?”

His eyes were uncertain, flickering from side to side. You could see that in the way that he started fiddling with his hands and bouncing his leg nervously.

“No,” you whispered, afraid that you’d break the boy if you spoke any louder. Jaemin peered into your eyes and then took one of your hands, lifting it to the scar on his shoulder that you had noticed earlier.

“As you know, a dragon traditionally can be very symbolic.”

You nodded your head. You recalled that Jisung would often talk about dragons, alluding them to his interest in mythology and their relevance in the modern world.

“Well, dragons can symbolize chaos. That’s the meaning we’re going for.”

“So let me guess, you’re a part of a gang that’s called The Dragon and that tattoo is a symbol for your gang, and it was supposed to be on your shoulder which is like one of those gang tattoo things. But there’s more to it.” You tried putting together every stereotypical piece of information that you could remember from the various dramas that you’d watched.

It seemed that you hit the bullseye when Jaemin patted you on the shoulder.

“Oh ho ho. You’re a lot smarter than I took you for.” He didn’t say that condescendingly. Rather, he was looking at you quite proudly as if he were saying that’s my girl.

“Thanks,” you responded, shying away from his gaze. “But what else is there?”

“Actually...everyone in the gang...we don’t have soulmates. We’re outcasts.” He was looking into your eyes, gauging your reaction to see if you’d be disgusted from his reveal.

You weren’t.

In fact, you were more concerned about one specific fact.

“Um...who’s in your gang again?”

“You know Haechan and Jisung are. And my friends Renjun, Jeno, and Chenle. One of our members, Mark, just went on hiatus for a bit to go to a university abroad.”

“So...you all don’t have a soulmate?”

He shook his head. “That’s why we had all tattooed a dragon on ourselves to show we’re the hidden chaos amidst the fake peace. Mine just got removed for a mission a while back.”

“What about Park Jisung?”

“No..he doesn’t have a soulmate. Why?” Jaemin was starting to look a bit perplexed. He looked honest and you completely believed him. Of course, that didn’t have anything to do with the nagging crush in the back of your mind. But you were convinced that he was correct.

“He told me he had a soulmate. I met her too...”

“She’s probably a fake.” Ah. You finally understood a bit of what was going on. If the girl was a fake you could completely understand where he was coming from. A lot of the wealthier families chose to fake a soulmate for their child if they didn’t show signs of a soulmate mark. As long as the person didn’t fall in love, they were free to act however they wanted to; usually, families just bought a fake for inheritance purposes. Nothing more and nothing less.

However, even if that was the case, Jisung would have known that he did not have a real soulmate. He looked so in love whenever he talked about her though. If so…

No, you didn’t want to think about it. That would be playing with fate. And that wasn’t okay...right? It’s not like you were doing the same thing at the moment.

Jaemin was ignorant of your inner conflict and chose to push the topic of the younger aside. “So...I just wanted to say that things haven’t gone as properly as I would’ve liked. Would you like to go on a date with me when I recover? A proper one?” He looked into your eyes earnestly and who were you to deny the handsome boy?

“Of course! Gotta give you time to heal. Also...I have a confession to make.”

“Oh?” He quirked his head to the side like a curious puppy and you would have laughed if you didn’t feel like you were about to reveal the most intimate secret about yourself.

You chose to whisper the secret, afraid of the ears on the walls. “I don’t have a soulmate either.”

He didn’t look shocked. In fact, he looked kind of relieved. “Two people without soulmates meet each other. What a story, huh.”

You nodded your head. “Well, I’m glad we got that much off our shoulders. Introduce me to the rest of the gang later?”

“They’re not the best people, but we’ll see. The sun’s rising right now, but let’s sleep in. You don’t have any obligations in the morning, right?”

“Nah. Let’s sleep.”

______________________

The week passed by just like that and you went on the date as promised. He took you to a bowling alley and then a high-end restaurant, showing off his earnings with a reserved table for the two of you. In a way, it was very much like him to shower you in his affection and love by giving you the best possible experiences he could provide. He even gifted you a metal ring that he claimed would protect you from harm’s way, even though you had no idea what he meant by that. Later, you learned that it could be part-blade and part-GPS with a small chip. You were overwhelmed at his gestures, but happy that he had considered you lovely enough to shower you with his love.

Even after the date, Jaemin stayed at your apartment to avoid going out and getting caught by the mysterious enemy. He didn’t explain what his mission was, but he did tell you enough for you to conclude that it was dangerous.

To be honest, living with Jaemin wasn’t too bad. Sure, he was overly affectionate and clingy and slightly dependent on you due to his injury, but it wasn’t overbearing. He had his own quirky way of drawing you in.

You noticed that he really wasn’t a man of too many words. The explaining he had done in the first two nights seemed to be the most he had ever said to you. He chose to show you his feelings through his actions. Some mornings, you would wake up to the wonderful aroma of breakfast wafting to the bedroom. Before you could take a step beyond the blankets, Jaemin would burst into the room with a smile on his face and a bounce in his steps. In his hands would be a tray of warm food, along with some juice, water, and any utensils you’d require for the meal.

Since his shirt was ruined, you had let him borrow the clothes that Jisung had left on the occasional sleepovers and they were adorably a bit too large on him. Jaemin would always joke about how the baby was the one who’d grown the most over the past few years. You’d laugh and agree, remembering how the younger was the chubbiest, most adorable child you’d ever seen.

It wasn’t uncommon for the two of you to exchange childhood stories and banters from crazy experiences in the past either.

He’d talk about his best friends who would always be bound by his side: Jeno, Renjun, and Haechannie. Jeno was the strong figure in his life who had gone through the most terrible storms, but would fight through each and every one of them. The two would have their on and off fights, but they’d try to get along for the peace of the group. Renjun’s art could even make the Mona Lisa smile, according to Jaemin. And Haechannie was the happy virus with a knack for bringing the mood up. Jisung had joined the group after his hacking abilities had caused Jeno a headache. They took the younger in due to his talent and they became a happy family. And of course, he never forgot to bring up Mark, the Canadian kid who nearly threatened to quit the gang due to “Donghyuck’s persistent skinship.”

You laughed at his tales and would respond back with some stories of your own. You’d talk about the time that Jisung had scraped his knees and instead of telling anyone about it, he came up to you and told you that he was an immortal superhero with the strangest powers. Or the time you chased the younger around with a worm in your hand.

Jaemin’s eyes sparkled as you told him various stories of the past. He responded by saying that you looked like you had hearts popping out of yours whenever he’d speak. You’d like to disagree with that, but you knew it was true.

And when it came time to change the bandages, Jaemin would come up to you with the biggest puppy eyes he could muster and pout until you got up. You wouldn’t ever keep him waiting and always had the first-aid supplies ready for whenever he needed them.

Whenever it was time for you to cook dinner, he’d sit on the dining table and just gaze at your figure, absentmindedly admiring you. Most of the time, you’d catch him in his hazy state and point out how the hand leaning against his head caused his cheeks to mush up and turn red. He’d deny that and start arguing how you were just distracting and he really didn’t care about what happened as long as he could keep looking at you forever.

And sometimes, it’d just be you and Jaemin cuddling on your sofa with some Lo-Fi music playing in the background. It was safe to say that you had grown used to having another individual in the house. You were living a much livelier life with him around.

It wouldn’t always be the two of you in the apartment alone. Haechan would sometimes pop by to make sure that everything was alright. The first time he came around, he brought the tattered shirt and threw it at Jaemin’s face, telling him that it was beyond his ability to repair. The second time he came, he caught the two of you snuggling and nearly launched himself at Jaemin for taking advantage of his friend. You put yourself in the middle and gave him a cheeky smirk that he easily turned away from.

In the chaos that was now your life, you surprisingly noticed that Jisung hadn’t bothered to contact you this whole time. He knew you were in a rough spot, so why didn’t he contact you? Maybe he found out you met Jaemin and was mad at you? That still didn’t excuse his absence.

So as you sat across from Jaemin, you dialed his number in hopes of finding out the reason. One ring passed...then another. He strangely still didn’t pick up. Jisung would always pick up your call, even if he was in the middle of class. You tried again, hoping that it was a mishap and you made a mistake, but you still ended with the same result.

“Um, Jaem?” The boy hummed.

“Jisung isn’t picking up.”

“Wait what? He always picks up, though.” Jaemin pulled out his own phone and dialed the number, waiting until the call went to voicemail before looking at you.

You got up from your spot. “I’m going to go to his house.”

He shook his head. “That’s dangerous. I’ll go.”

“You’re still injured,” you reminded him as you grabbed your bag and the pepper spray that was laying on the table beside it. “His house is here, and there’s still light outside. Don’t worry too much.”

Jaemin didn’t look too sold on the idea of you going outside when you were practically harboring an outcast in your home, but he respected your decision and finally resigned. “Okay, but stay on Facetime with me the entire time. I want to see you safe, baby.”

You almost cooed at the pet name and walked up to him, giving him a chaste kiss on his forehead. He wrapped his arms around your waist and gave you his infamous puppy eyes. “Call. Now.” Rolling your eyes, you video called him and watched him pick it up,

After he was satisfied, you walked out and closed the door securely, making sure that no intruder could break in from the outside. It wasn’t a typical occurrence in your neighborhood, but you were never too sure about that.

The walk to Jisung’s house didn’t take too long and Jaemin stayed on the call as promised, telling you the most obscure facts so you wouldn’t get bored. When you arrived at his place, you could hear voices from inside the house. You gave a signal for Jaemin to quiet down and placed your ear against the door. You knew eavesdropping was rude, but hey, if you got any information from it…

You could hear three male voices, one of which belonged to your friend. The other voice that was currently talking was deep, not as much as Jisung’s but still comparable. He seemed to be talking in a soft manner, not raising his voice.

“...it’s...don’t worry....bomb….detonated and...got her and I’m....Jaemin…” The ending fizzled out and you could only make out a few words.

Another hushed voice spoke up, sounding like pure honey. “...he’s right. Also, I think we’ve got a visitor.” The voice sounded much closer and you didn’t have time to back up before the door swung open. You were met with a tall male with bleached hair, his dark roots showing prominently. He looked at you with piercing eyes, looking as if he were ready to eliminate you without hesitation.

Another male walked up behind him, taller and much more intimidating than the first despite his calming aura. His dark hair was a sharp contrast to his milky skin, and his fingers were adorned with rings. However, the next thing you noticed was a dragon tattoo on his biceps, peeking out under the loose t-shirt he was wearing.

“Are you looking for someone?” He asked briskly, clearly wanting to get this conversation over with quickly

The other boy looked offended that he had the audacity to ask you the question. “Jeno, what if she’s a spy?”

“Well, Renjun, let’s give her a chance. She already knows our names thanks to you.”

Renjun just huffed and looked at you. “So, spill.”

“Wow, rude,” you commented, rolling your eyes for a dramatic effect. “Also, I’m looking for Park Jisung. This is his house, after all.”

You heard a sniffle from the background. “Let her in. It’s just (Y/n).” Giving a smirk directed to the boy at the door, you let yourself in and took your shoes off before running to the boy.

“Jisungie, I’m here for you.” You heard a muffled audio vibrate in your pocket and realized that you had left Jaemin hanging. “Jaemin is here too. What happened?”

Jisung looked absolutely heartbroken. He was struggling to contain his tears and you pulled him into a tight hug. “It’s okay. Let it out.” You stayed there in that position, hugging as the two boys behind you awkwardly shuffled around and grabbed some water.

The taller, Jeno, tapped you on the shoulder and held up two bottles of water. “It’s a sorry...for how I acted before. Also Jisung might get dehydrated from all this crying.” You accepted the beverage gratefully and rubbed the sobbing boy’s shoulders before prying him off of you.

“Drink,” you commanded.

Renjun moved to squat beside you and handed the younger a tissue box. He turned to you. “Sorry I was harsh to you too. How do you know Jisung?”

Ah, he was straight to the point. Well, as long as he acknowledged you weren’t dangerous, it’d suffice.

“They’ve known each other since they were kids,” Jaemin shouted through your phone speaker.

“I keep forgetting you’re here,” you snorted.

“How rude.” You could practically hear him pout as he said that.

Renjun, on the other hand, was pretty interested. “Jaemin, Jeno told me you got shot?”

“Uh, yeah,” he replied. “It was a fake.” You heard Jisung cough in the background.

“Anyway, I’m glad you’re okay. Stay on the down low for a bit,” Jeno spoke firmly. You could hear a leader like vibe radiating from him. It was scary.

“Yes, sir,” Jaemin quipped. “Ight, (Y/n), imma head out.” With that meme worthy exit, he hung up on you.

Jisung seemed to finally calm down and was breathing normally, almost a look of determination in his eyes. “(Y/n)-”

“Uh... does she know?” Renjun interrupted.

“The Dragon?” You responded, wanting to show him that you did have some knowledge. “Yeah, I do.”

Jeno quirked his eyebrows and plopped down beside you. “So you know I’m the temporary leader while Mark is out?” Well, no you didn’t. But that made sense.

“I assumed that.” He seemed to like your reply and then gave you a little smile.

“Our maknae...baby Jisung, he received terrible news from an incident that occurred not too long ago.” You leaned in to hear him closer, as if the distance would clear up your curiosity. “His soulmate received a bugged package that exploded. It was on impact…”

You heard a whimper and saw Renjun patting the younger on the shoulder.

“When did it happen?” You asked. “Specifically?”

“Last week. Um, about six days ago? At night, around eight?” You gasped. That timing seemed familiar to you. A bit too familiar.

“Who did it?”

“We don’t know. Our intelligence can’t determine how it got to her hands.” This time, it was Renjun who responded.

“Jisung, can’t you use a tracker or hack a camera to figure that out?”

He shook his head, puffy eyes meeting yours for the first time that day. “I sent that package. I didn’t know she’d get it. I-I fell in love with her too.” He quickly gasped before covering his mouth.

“I know,” you said. “I know you don’t have a soulmate.”

“You’re a smart girl,” Jeno commented. “We can use you.” You didn’t know whether to respond to that as a compliment or to fight him, so you did the next best thing: ignore him.

“Well, I guess I signed up for this in a way,” he responded, downcast.

You sighed. This wasn’t good. You were finding yourself in a similar predicament as him and you were afraid to find out what would happen if you treaded the same path.

The rest of the day dwindled just like that: Jisung mourning with the three of you trying to console and comfort him. You learned more about Jeno and Renjun and obtained all their socials as well.

When you arrived back home, Jaemin welcomed you with open arms and a wet smooch to your cheeks. Haechan, who probably arrived a bit after you left the call, was sitting adjacent to you guys in the living room looking grim. You were surprised to see him so serious, not even breaking out of character to strangle Jaemin for his affection.

“How’s Jisung doing?”

“Fine. It’ll take a while to get over it.”

Jaemin nodded understandingly and brought you down to sit next to the other boy, handing you some pizza bites and mozzarella sticks. You thanked him and ate properly for the first time that day.

Haechan observed you grabbing the cheesy snack before swooping in and taking a big bite from the piece in your hand. You glared at him.

“(Y/n), I found out some information that you wouldn’t like to hear.”

“What?” You asked.

“Jisung’s girlfriend received the package. But that was one of my packages. And I can guarantee you that it did not have any explosives when I sent it out.”

You must’ve looked really perplexed because both boys broke out in light hearted laughter.

“Don’t make that face,” Jaemin finally spoke. “You’re so cute, I might eat you up instead.” You nearly threw up at his cheesiness and threw a stick at him. Lucky for him, he caught it in his mouth and scrunched his nose at you. “Nice try, baby.”

Haechan gagged. “You two are disgusting.”

The two of you chuckled in response before you decided to talk about the elephant in the room. “So you’re saying that the package was bugged?”

“By who?” Jaemin inquired. The other boy shook his head. You all decided to leave the matter hanging in the air and ate to your heart’s content before retiring for the night. Haechan waved you two goodbye and left as you got ready for bed.

By now, you were more than comfortable to sleep with Jaemin and his injury was healing quite well. He was the little spoon today, seemingly more sensitive than before. You combed your hand through his hair. “What’s wrong?”

“That...what if that package was the one I sent?”

Oof. You had speculated that he’d arrive at this conclusion. So had you.

“It could be.”

“But who spiked it?”

“Dunno.”

Those were the only words exchanged before sleep lulled you both into the realm of sleep. This time, the dream you had was even more frightening. You were in a room that was dark and cold. You couldn’t see a single thing beyond the stone walls and that terrified you. It seemed so realistic. The musty basement smell that permeated the air was giving you nausea in your dream.

A brown dragon swirled around, moving in before attempting to wrap around you. You tried so hard to free yourself, but it was becoming harder to breathe with each passing minute. Feeling a spark of hope, you yelled into the void and woke yourself up to the morning light. Except, it wasn’t morning light. It was the bright light from a bulb above that flickered tic, tok, tic, tok, until it too went out.

That was how you found yourself stuck in your current predicament. You had a vague recollection of getting thrown out of a car and walking into a warehouse, the general directions fuzzy to you. There wasn’t much more that you could recall, detail-wise.

After a few minutes, you heard shuffling and a resounding thud against the door. The person let out curses as they struggled opening the knob and resorted to kicking the door down. It went silent for a couple of seconds and you were afraid that the guards had woken up and decided to fight back. You moved your feet in an attempt to move a bit farther from the door, in case there was an enemy who would barge in.

Feeling all hope of your rescuer disappearing, you let out a sob. “Please, please hurry.”

Although your hands were free, your feet were still bound to the chains and you couldn’t go far without making a ruckus. It was futile but you tried to bang the shackles against the floor of the mini prison. There wasn’t much point in doing that, but you wanted to somehow reassure the person on the other side (if they were alive) that you were still kicking and alert of their presence.

You heard a click and a creak of the door, signaling the person had gotten through. Blinding light filled your vision and you squeezed your eyes shut. You heard a figure run towards you and fall to their knees, hugging you tightly.

“You’re safe now. I won’t let them hurt you. Not ever. I got you.”

“J-Jaemin?” You’d recognize that voice anywhere. He spilled apologies, putting his head on top of yours and rubbing his hand on your back to comfort you. Jaemin held onto you as if you were the last thing he’d ever hold and that was bringing tears to your eyes.

“I’m so happy to see you,” you admitted, sniffling and slowly opening your eyes to adjust to the scenery around you. The two of you were in the damp cell, with the only source of light coming from the open door in front of you. Miraculously, the guards who had initially brought here (assumingly) were lying unconscious on the ground, mouths hanging open as if they had been taken by surprise.

“I thought I lost you,” he confessed. “I can’t believe I hurt you. It’s my fault, but I have to make this right.” He pulled out a tool from his pant pocket and swiftly waved it, revealing a lock-picking point. You understood his intention and turned around, putting your bound feet onto his lap. He made quick work on the bindings, easily twisting and shifting through the locks until they fell apart.

You sighed in relief at the feeling of blood rushing through your legs and massaged them. He raised his eyebrows at you and let out a laugh in the ironic moment.

“You freed your hands by yourself? That’s my girl,” he complimented, pressing a kiss to your cheek before standing up and giving you a hand. “We don’t have time. Jisung’s waiting with the car.” Time was of the essence. This wasn’t a time to become sentimental, so you wiped your tears as you stood up, accepting his hand.

The two of you cautiously took a step outside the room and looked both ways as you headed down the hall. Your getaway route was easy. Just a left, then a sharp turn to the right, and the door would be straight to the right. A couple of stairs would lead to the entrance of the warehouse and you could escape from the abandoned building. You had memorized the route when you were brought into the warehouse and Jaemin followed your instructions, trusting your memory. When you asked him how he entered, he replied that he simply popped down from the roof and that the helicopter had flown away already.

Learning enough about him to know that it wouldn’t do you any good to bother asking question about his methods, you squeezed his hand and moved forward. He reciprocated the action and pulled you closer to him as you neared the edge. Jaemin peered past the opening and signaled that it was clear. Honestly, you were surprised. You hadn’t expected it to seem this easy.

It seemed that your anxiety agreed. Adrenaline was pumping through your body and you could hear sharp noises of what seemed like a rat scurrying through the pipes. Your nerves were practically on fire at each movement you took through the hallways, but it seemed that you had nothing to worry about as you arrived at the door.

“Not bad, huh?” Jaemin whispered with a grin.

You rolled your eyes. “Have you never watched dramas? No protagonist says that.”

“Shh, nerd,” he replied. But as he pushed the door that says pull, you let out a snort.

“Yeah, I’m the nerd here. At least I know how to open doors,” you retorted, pushing his aside to open the door.

The rickety metal stairs were slightly rusty, but they looked in good enough shape to walk in. You placed all your bets on a line as you inched forward onto the platform, hoping that there’d be no noise. Jaemin walked behind you, one hand hovering over your waist as he looked below in search for any enemy.

Going down the stairs was tricky. The shadow of the warehouse masked the two of you well enough that you wouldn’t be in direct sunlight. Thankfully, there wasn’t a lot of noise from the steps and you finally made your way down to the last step.

Jaemin suddenly paused in his step, sniffing the air. You turned to look at him.

“What?”

“Shit, we’ve been bamboozled. Can’t you smell it?”

You looked up and smelled the air, sensing the musty smell of an old moldy basement. However, you could faintly smell something else like rotten eggs. Was that something that should strike you as odd? “Smell what?”

“We’re gonna have to try to run for it, but it’s dangerous.” You looked at him, stunned, but nodded your head nonetheless.

“Now?” He mumbled a yeah and the two of you took off to the opening of the warehouse. As soon as you were halfway to the exit, there was a thud and the giant cover slammed down. You were completely engulfed in darkness.

Jaemin was still holding your hand, but you could feel him shaking.

As bright lights turned on, you found yourself surrounded by a group of thugs. A familiar face walked out of the crowd and stood in the center, holding a gun cockily and giving you two a smirk.

“Well, well, well. Look who we caught.” His voice sounded as if he had calculated the end result of a simple game of chess - only that game of chess was in his favor and he was about to declare a checkmate anytime soon.

You almost felt your jaw drop. “Is that...no way?”

Jaemin, on the other hand, didn’t look too surprised. Rather, he looked angry. This was not the outcome he wanted and he felt betrayed. There was no way either of you could have stopped this in the end. “Jisungie-”

“Don’t call me that,” the younger snapped. The heels of his boots echoed through the warehouse as he approached you and lifted your chin with the butt of his gun.

“Who do you think sent you the wrong information the other night?”

You heard an audible gasp beside you and saw Jaemin’s eyes widening in realization. “That’s why the deal busted. Even though I made sure it was safe.” He lowered his hands down to his abdomen as if he were still feeling the aftermath of the phantom pain resonating in his body.

Jisung chuckled and waved his hands around. “No, no, no, you have it all wrong, You didn’t make sure it was safe. I made sure it wasn’t safe.” He put his hands in his pocket and pulled out two pairs of earplugs. One had the signature engraving that Renjun usually drew on his raw material. The other was a counterfeit, quite similar to the other, but missing the symbol.

“You gave me a fake? That cost your girlfriend her life!” Jaemin was raising his voice and you could sense him visibly losing his cool. The other men who were standing guard immediately pointed their weapons at him to warn him from acting foolishly. You were at a disadvantage and if you didn’t get out soon, this would go downhill very quickly.

There was a sliver of hope in your mind that the ring on your finger was still working well enough in the abandoned region to gain satellite positioning and alert your other friends where you guys were. However, you knew that Jisung also had access to the technology and he probably would’ve found a way to shut it down.

At this point, Jaemin looked like he was about to lunge at Jisung, weapon or no weapon, and he probably would have done it if you didn’t put an arm on his shoulder. “Not now,” you said rationally. With his head practically being a red target for the enemy, you knew that any rash actions would lead to your demise.

His gaze pierced into yours before he relaxed, stepping back and taking a deep breath. The tension in the room was high and Jisung seemed to enjoy this turn of events.

“(Y/n), I’m so glad to see you making the right decision,” he praised you.

You were gritting your teeth at his comment. “That doesn’t mean I’m letting you off the hook. Why are you doing all of this?”

He rolled his eyes before mocking you in a high pitched voice. “Have you ever been in my shoes?”

Jaemin huffed. “Here we go with the dramatic villain monologue…”

Jisung ignored him and continued his rant, posing with one hand on his hips and the other waving his gun in the air. You’d have to admit that he looked a little cute when he was mad, only if you ignored the situation that you were in and pretended that you were all shooting a film instead. His pout only made him look like a child who was throwing a tantrum to his parents.

“I’ve always been the underdog. What do I do? Sit around with a bunch of monitors and track people or things while breaking into firewalls all day. Do you know how boring and tedious that is?”

“Uh yeah, that’s what a hacker does,” Jaemin mumbled.

“And you know what the saddest part is? I wasn’t there for the love of my life when she died. Because I have more ‘important’ things to do. And you know who killed her?” He was starting to pace back and forth.

You were getting nervous at his actions. Forget about his big motive reveal, you had never heard the usually docile boy talk this much and felt sad that you weren’t there to comfort him at his most vulnerable time. “Who?” You asked, even though you had a feeling you knew the answer.

“Our gang. Jaemin...you were assigned to kill her.”

This time, it was Jaemin’s turn to be shocked. “W-what? I didn’t kill her. I didn’t know,” he denied the accusation.

“Jaems...” You looked at him.

He shook his head. “Honest to god, I did not. Why would I do that to my baby? If only I’d known-”

“Don’t call me that. You don’t have the right to call me that anymore.” Jisung was practically shaking from anger and a sadness that was bubbling slowly to the surface. “They told you to deliver a package-“

“Oh my-no way. Jisung, is it possible that the hidden explosive was made from someone in the group?”

The boy nodded. “Yes. It was. She didn’t see it coming and neither did I when I sent you the location and told you to leave. I didn’t...I didn’t know she’d be the receiver and people would stop you from checking the contents before delivering it.”

You knew that this conversation wasn’t about you, but you did know you’d have to do something quick. Not quite thinking straight, you stepped in the middle.

“Ji-she’d never want you to do this. How were either of you supposed to know?”

“He should’ve known!” Jisung yelled back. You flinched at his outburst. “Whenever we send packages, it’s always-“ His sentence faded with a choked sob. He was broken. It didn’t take a genius to figure that out.

Beside you, Jaemin looked helpless and absolutely gutted. He had caused his best friend pain without even realizing what he was doing and now he was stepping on a minefield with every passing second. He looked so conflicted as if he wanted to help him, but he couldn’t. Jisung was so broken.

You took a deep breath and walked up to the younger boy. All signs of hostility had left his body and he was hunched over in pain. Even though you had suffered a bit at his hands, he was still the one who’d hold you close and console you whenever you were down. You figured that unlike Jaemin, you had a chance to get closer and disarm the boy in his moment of weakness.

Your assumption was correct as Jisung immediately crumpled into your hold and let out all of the pain he’d been holding back.

“I’m so sorry,” he mumbled over and over as you tried to hush him. A soft thump resounded against the concrete ground as he let go of his weapon.

“Why’re you sorry?” Jaemin cautiously approached you two and hovered his arms around you both, checking to make sure he wouldn’t get attacked by anyone before he engulfed you two in a tighter hug.

Jisung only sobbed louder and mumbled something under his breath that you strained to hear. “Huh?” You asked.

“Issa trap. I’m so sorry” Although his voice was muffled against your shirt, you could understand his speech. Jaemin also seemed to understand what he was saying this time and he looked at you, his eyes widened.

Before you could adjust to this new information, you heard the sound of a magazine being inserted and a couple of bullets ringing out, eliminating all the guards.

The Dragon, or should you say the leader of the gang. Lee Jeno, stared coldly at your little circle. His gun was pointing at Jaemin, the red pointer clearly indicating a small mark at your boyfriend's left shoulder.

“Good job, Jisung. You’re the perfect little agent.” Jisung whimpered in your hold and held you tighter, if possible. He was afraid. It was safe to say that you were too.

Jeno had this crazed look in his eyes as he glanced at Jaemin. “You’ve ran for long enough. It’s time for you to go. Any last words?”

The boy stared defiantly back in response. “I’m not dying. My girl, best friend, and I will make it out of here.” He didn’t seem too sure of those words as his voice wavered.

Jeno huffed at the retort. “You sound unsure of yourself.” He was taking small steps and walking over with his gun never leaving the mark.

“Don’t kill him,” you spoke up. “You need to let go of this delusioned idea you have of people. Not everyone is like you.”

“So? I couldn’t get my love. Why should he? You know what happens to those who defy fate. I was meant to be your obstacle,” he reasoned, almost trying to convince himself why he was doing this.

You found a weak spot in his hesitance and decided to strike. “If this is about soulmates, you can learn to love again. Love comes in all shapes and forms. If you weren’t destined for a lover, then love your friends. Love the people around you. If you can’t do that much, how could you live knowing that you hurt so many of your own gang member’s chances at love?”

“It’s all jealousy,” he shouted back. Jeno was less than a meter away from you by now. Pure adrenaline was pumping through your blood and you were ready to fight-or-flight. The fear from earlier was dissipating into a feeling far more rushing.

Jaemin stood up from his spot beside you as he and Jeno were now finally face to face. “We were like brothers. I’m sad to see you’ve chosen this path.” He sounded disappointed as if he were scolding a child rather than facing death in the eyes.

Jeno just chuckled and thumbed at the activator. “Do you know why they say you shouldn’t defy fate?” You squeezed your eyes shut just before you could see Haechan, Renjun, and Chenle burst through the opening and reach out to stop the boy.

But it was far too late.

He shot.

You finally realized why they always told you to never break the soulmate rule. The one who you loved would always die.

You had averted your eyes to avoid watching Jaemin fall to the ground, clutching his shoulder - or should you say, his Achilles heel. It wasn’t quick. It wasn’t painless either.

The boys had reached you guys way too late. It was kind of ironic. They said heroes would always be there in time to save you, but they never did. You couldn’t be the one to divert fate.

It was almost as if a crescendo background music had ceased. The blood rushing through your body from pure adrenaline was almost deafening at this point but there was no way you could miss his body dropping to the floor.

But there was no way you missed how Jaemin crawled to hold your hand and tell you he loved you and he would continue to love you in every life. He said he’d go meet you every time, even if he didn’t have a soulmate mark, because he knew you’d be the only one for him.

Haechan had later seized Jeno’s weapon and wrestled him to the ground. Nothing, however, could change the fact of the events that transpired. The gang decided to eliminate their current leader and reinstate Mark, who’d been angry at the news. It wasn’t a very happy ending, but you were satisfied that the boys stayed by your side.

Later, much much later, Jisung held you in his arms as Jaemin’s passing finally hit you. Oh, how the roles were reversed. It just wasn’t fair. Not at all. Such a beautiful life had been taken from Jaemin before he could truly experience life all because he dared to fall in love.

Now you were determined to hold on to the sliver of life just to keep living for him out of spite. Even if you weren’t meant to fall in love, you had met an angel who dared to show you what heaven was like. Sure it wasn’t ideal and it burned fast, but you had enjoyed the ride. You wouldn’t cry anymore. No, you were over it. It was time to pick yourself up and be strong, for yourself and for Jaemin.

Tag list (i’ll try to do this for my next series): @markleeswifeee

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regrettablewritings · 4 years ago

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“Which of Your Fics . . .?” Meme

Tagged by: @locke-writes (cotdammit Noah I had to reread all my crap and be reminded of how decent I used to be at writing! Jk is cool, I needed a calm-down this weekend)

Which of your fics . . .

Did you think would get a bigger reaction/audience than it did?: Of the ones written of my own volition? I know there’s probably another one, but the most recent one is the Guilty Pleasures preference. Granted, it’s not filled with “Top-Billing Characters” like my Love Languages series is, so I guess that’s an unfortunate factor.😕 What makes it kinda sting is that I learned the hard way that I can no longer edit posts made on my laptop on my phone anymore, and it deleted all my work. So I had to sprint through chat logs with a friend to find some of the pieces and completely rewrite a few others. But I guess in due time it might gain more traction. Somehow and for some reason.

Got a bigger reaction than what you were expecting?: Of pieces I made without prompting, it’s gotta be a tie between the Doctor Strange Soulmate AU and Day Bi Day: A Documented Study of the Bisexual. And also pretty much any of my Tadashi Hamada pieces because when I first wrote his soulmate AU, it got next to no attention and I just altogether assumed the time for Tadashi had passed. Day Bi Day doesn’t exactly have a whole lot of notes, either, but I’m impressed by anyone who managed to slog through the leviathan of a oneshot. Request-wise, believe me when I say that I did not expect that Geralt Love Headcanon set to acquire half as much, let alone just as much as it did.

Is your funniest?: It straight up has to be a tie between The Hairy Situation and Dios Meme-o!. Should it be concerning that my funniest fics tended to be involving guys from Law & Order: SVU? Probably. But I have so much fun when I get to write as bizarrely as I actually talk or want to talk. Besides, Carisi is so easy-going that it’s easy to make the reader the Straight Man, whereas Barna is so rigid and proper that it’s hilarious to just keep subjecting him to all kinds of weirdness. Really, nearly every one of my Barba has some instance of him being embarrassed or perplexed or just yanked completely out of his element.

Is your darkest or angstiest?: Definitely my one about Bruce Wayne’s S/O getting kidnapped, though it doesn’t feel especially angsty to me: I could actually go potentially darker with my stories and ideas. But constantly worry about judgement or backlash. Maybe one day I’ll gain access to my Big Girl Parts and just stop caring and just do it, though.🤷🏽‍♀️

Is your absolute favorite?: I don’t quite have one . . . I kinda look back at nearly all my works to some degree of envy because I genuinely do believe my writing was much better when I first started out.

Was easiest to write?: None. Absolutely none. They all drained the life out of me. I popped Pink out in the span of a few hours as opposed to the usual months weeks days it may usually take me. Literally came to the idea in the middle of a morning lecture, went immediately back to my dorm, and wrote in a mad fury.

Was hardest to write?: Nearly every single thing made circa 2018 onward.There’s a reason I went on a year-long hiatus, after all. Though, the difficulty is mainly sourced from my fluctuating motivation and focus and ability to put my thoughts and images into words. When it comes to content, however, it’s still difficult for me to say. I had a hard time writing the soulmate AU for the Phantom of the Opera, but I mainly chalk that up to a few things: It was the first soulmate AU I had attempted writing in a long time; it’s hard to capture how Erik would speak, considering he rarely talks so much as he sings in purposefully flamboyant and prose-y fashion; I am a perfectionist.

Has your favorite lines/exchanges/paragraphs? (Share It): “In a way, it’s arguably also affirmation with hints of giving gifts, because you know that the man is going to write songs about you. You can’t help but think it’s a tad ridiculous. After all, you’re no hero, you’re not really a warrior, you’re more or less just along for the ride. But Jaskier can’t help it: You are his muse, his adoration, the goddess whose feet he kneels before as he sings golden applause to and prays before for her guidance and accompaniment. There is never a moment where you feel unloved because Jaskier is unafraid to love you loudly. And given the songs and odes and everything he’s used to honor your existence with, it appears that his love for you will echo long after you are both gone. That way, everyone else will know and love you as he feels you deserve to be.” - Jaskier, Love Languages II Really, in hindsight, I like how I did with Brocky Horror Picture Show. Not every line is gold, but there’s too many to pick from.

Have you re-read the most?: Hard to say. I reread a lot of my stuff from time to time, there’s no real one I really go back to especially. Usually, it also depends on if I’m writing for a character I’ve already written for; that way I can keep the “lore” consistent.

Would you recommend to someone reading your work for the first time?: Much like @locke-writes put it, it depends on the character/fandom the reader is looking for. I’m lazy, so the Reader I have in mind for certain characters is usually pretty the same throughout their respective fics. There’s lowkey more or less sorta mini lores going on for certain characters and their respective s/os (ex: If the fic is about Erik, they’ll probably still be working in the costume shop as stated in the Soulmate AU [the first piece I did of him]; if the fic is about Clark Kent, depending, chances are Reader was involved in the plot to kill Superman). But if we have to boil it down, here are just a few I would start with for a several characters whose S/Os tend to be consistent or for whom I intend on keeping the lore of for future projects: - Benoit Blanc x Reader Ship Meme - M’Baku x Reader Ship Meme - Jaskier x Reader Ship Meme

Are you most proud of?: If you would allow me to be so arrogant . . . - Soulmate AU: You Can See a Meter of How Dangerous Your Soulmate Is Hovering Over Their Head - Soulmate AU: You and Your Soulmate Share Sensations - Say Yes to Distress - Brocky Horror Picture Show

Tagging: Whomever wants in!

#wrote this...tired and wack...#tag meme

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onepunchmiss · 6 years ago

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OPM s2e12 Live Blog

“The Wiping of the Disciple’s Butt”

The season finale. I’m nauseous. Lets begin.

As always, I’m watching from the perspective of someone who has read the manga and webcomic.

Right where we left off. Again I love the music. I’m just like, really calm right now actually. hhhhhhhhhhhokay. OOF oh god all the crunching sound effects oh no, this is already so weird watching Garou get his ass handed to him since he’s pretty much curb stomped every other hero in battle thus far, or at the VERY LEAST avoided taking so many hits. This. is so uncomfortable to watch. WOAH ????? THESE SHOTS WERE ONLY THERE FOR A SPLIT SECOND BUT??? HOLY SHIT???

GAROU’S HAIR OH MY GOD

Oh god oh god Bang is relentless this hurts please stop guys GUYS PLZ HAS NO ONE REALISED THAT NOT ONE HERO HAS DIED CMON PLZ IT HURTS calm down stop trying to kill him plsplspls OH

THIS

IS WHY

WE STAN GAROU

HE SAYS FUCK DEATH HOW ABOUT I JUST GET STRONGER INSTEAD QUE EPIC THEME MUSIC

oh god damnit him legit running on all fours right there just looks goofy tho F “preposterous style” Bang you aint lying asdfghjkl really though OH MY GOD EVERYONE IS DRAWN SO BEAUTIFULLY THIS IS SO BLESSED

WAIT

NO OPENING THEME???????????????????? WHAT?????????????????????? WHY????????????????????????? ONE, I WANTED TO SEE THE CHIBI OF THE WEEK AND 2

I WASNT PREPARED FOR MY FAVORITE DOPEY BIRD MAN THE FUCK PHOENIXMAN PLS NO ILY I know people hate him a lot but I just really dig how he feels like a fleshed out character compared to most other monsters, like he’s legit lookit him being all smart and stuff plz I just,,,,,,,,,,,, want to hug dumb fluffy birb ;-;

Woah again I’m being blown away by the animation??? Garou getting smacked around is really fluid and this just looks really cool in general?????

FUCK I CANT DO FLASHBACKS MAN JUST HEARING THE KID VOICE MAKED MY STOMACH LURCH OH NO

OH NO I SCREAM OH NO I CANT OH NO GIMME 5 MINUTES PLEASE I CANNOT BBY NO I FORGOT ADULT GAROU IS IN THE FLASHBACK WATCHING THIS TIME PLS NO

LIKE???????? I got kinda a comedic vibe watching him comment on it in the manga but the slow music and shit is just FUKKIN ME UP RIGHT NOW I HATE IT THANKS IT HURTS

oh god his face he has the seething thousand mile stare of quiet rage and its burning a hole STRAIGHT THROUGH MY ENTIRE BEING “But me I was the loner kid. Always gloomy and without friends” STOP. YOU STOP THAT RIGHT THIS INSTANT. IM CRYING AT U RIGHT NOW STOP

NO DONT HOLD HIM LET HIM GO S T O P OR SO HELP ME i can’t watch this what the fuck “I was always the loser” SHIT this legitimately hurts me “I dont want to be the monster anymore” GArou hey did you hear that part?? hEY GAROU DID YOU HEAR YOURSELF THERE???

WHAT DID I SAY WHAT THE F DID I JUST SAY STOP HOLDING HIM STOP STOPPIT THE HELL MAN What if……….. I just go BACK IN TIME AND ADOPT BB GAROU CAN I DO THAT IS THIS POSSIBLE IS THIS ALLOWED ? ?? ?

oh my god it keeps getting worse. I mean. I already knew garou was being disproportionately reprimanded for what he supposedly did, but watching this scene just fucking kicked me in the teeth. As if my stomach wasn’t already in knots. The fuck . why does this hurt so much more watching than reading the frustration in seeping into me ffffff.

This looks really cool but, i can barely focus on that because im pretty much being exsanguinated on the floor over here by this whole sequence look at him crying. do it for me cause I sure as hell can’t

“I want to strike a blow for the little guy”

Fukkin GETTEM GO GETTEM

HOLY SHIT HIS VA IS GOING T F OFF

AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH LOOKIT HIM ILY SO MUCH SAVE THE DAY BIRB SAVE

ASDFGHJKL THIS IS SO INTENSE EVERYONE IS SO INTENSE I KNOW WHAT HAPPENS BUT HOLY SHIT FUCK IM SCREAMING GAROU IS SCREAMING BANG AND BOMB SCREAMING GENOS AND EVEN PHOENIXMAN EVEN THE MUSIC IS SCREAM WE ALL JUST SC R E M

OH MY GOD AND THE LITTLE HEAD NOT GENOS AND BANG GIVE EACHOTHER SAVING THE HEROES OH MY GOD OH FUCK AND THE WAY THEY ANIMATE BANG JUMPING AROUND IS DOPE AS HELL AND ALSO HOLY SHIT ELDER CENTIPEDE I MISSED THE UNSETTLING SMOOTH CG LIKE ANIMATION FOR THE CENTIPEDES EVERY CELL IN MY BODY IS JUST SCREAMING RN I AM OVERLOAD HELP

Garou flailing in the air in Phoenixman’s grip is … really adorable oh my god. “It’s your fault for not finishing them” ooooooo that shut him up didn’t it oof. Also nice cameo by Tatsumaki there

ASDFGHJKL THE MUSIC AGAIN I LOVE IT I LOVE THEM LOOK AT THEM OH MY GOD

THIS IS SO BAD ASS

EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS IS SO BADASS

Genos’s eye static, The brother’s fists swirling, THE FUKKIN CARAPACE SHATTERING

THIS FIGHT IS SO WILD MY COMPUTER CANT EVEN TAKE IT. ITS GLITCHING AND FREEZING UP HOLY SHIT

oh god ok the face coming out of the face was pure nightmare fuel alright then

WAIT

I FORGOT GENOS IS A SELF SACRIFICING DUMBASS. NO IM NOT READY GENOS YOU DOOF LISTEN TO KUSENO LISTEN TO HIM

oh no

im crying oh no

this animation is beautiful first of all and the music like im just here this is where I’m at and I’m crying oh no

He’s an angel. A literal angel. Look at that and tell me he doesn’t look like a fucking angel in the sky with the rays of light casting shadows around him.

Genos you are too good and pure for this world but that DOESNT MEAN TRY TO GET YOURSELF KILLED

Shit they really made it look like he was gonna self destruct there for a second which MADE HIS LAST STAND EVEN MORE INTENSE OH MY GOD SWEETHEART Y’all ever get into a show because you keep seeing one character that catches your interest, and you keep seeing them pop up on your dash or wherever until you finally decide ‘well fuckit, this is the asshole that’s gonna get me to finally watch the show’, cause you’re already invested in them anyway? Genos did that for me with OPM. If this fool didn’t exist Who knows how long it would’ve taken me to get to watching OPM, if ever. And shit like this is why I STILL love him. I usually move on to new faves 90% of the time but nope. Genos earned his spot and is keeping it. Look at this insane shit. My heart. Uhg

Enough gushing asdfghjkl ok but Genos, you just went INTO THE DAMNED THING’s STOMACH,,,,, and you’re SURPRISED that there’s STOMACH ACID?? But real talk. What the EVERLONG FUCK is that thing’s insides made out of? How did it NOT DIE. the FuCK

asdfghjkl Phoenixman’s chuckle???? I love

Oh Bang no, this is wrenching my heart like I know that he doesn’t actually use his power but its built up so intensely like,,, would he be ok if he did??? and actually more concerningly since it even WAS brought up that he has some hidden true strength, will we EVER get to see that??? Oh Shit well when they word it as “All the power left to me in this life” then yeah, that seems pretty life or death ish???? THE FUCK

Oh thank god comedic relief is here I feel like i’m about to have a heart attack my chest is so tight hhhhhh ok breathe WAIT THIS ISNT COMEDIC THIS IS BADASS AS HELL JEEZUS witht he flashbacks to the Saitama encounter and THIS LOOK

The Anime is really fucking with the audience huh??? Making it look like KIngs about to throw hands like???????????? OH SHIT AND THIS MUSIC IS DOPE AS HELL TOO IM JUST laughing I have so much excessive energy right now???

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHZAHAHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASDFGHJKLJHGFDSWERTGYHUIUJHGFDFGHJKJHGFRE THE FUKKIN SONG THEY BROUGHT IT BACK THE ULTIMATE SONG I GOT THREE NOTES IN JUST THREE NOTES AND I KNOW IM SCREAMING I GOTTA GO RUN BRB

IM STILL SCREAMING FADFJSAGFJDSLKAHVFSKLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA OUR MAIN MAN THERE HE IS THERE HE IS IM GONNA THROW UP

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAEIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII

OH MY FUCK THATS WHAT THE OPENING SEQUENCE EXPLOSION WAS FROM OH GOD OH FUCK BEAUTIFUL THIS IS BEAUTIFUL OH FUCK OH GOD

The REPRISE oh no oh NO OH NO OH NO NO ITS NOT OVER im not ready its not I cant no no no i dont want to press play cause if I press play it will end soon no no no Oh my god and at the end there isnt gonna be a title card for the next episode because THERE IS NO NEXT EPISODE no non o nonononon on on on ono no no no

HEY IVE BEEN RIPPED OFF. WHERES THE FACE WITH HIS HAIR BLOWN BACK??? ASDFJKL fine I cant even be mad everything else was tooo ofdbghjfshkggfhsjgbfhjka

KING WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT REACTION ASDFGHJKL W H A T

WAIT THEY ARE DOING THE OPENING THEME AT THE END NO I CANT HANDLE SEEING EVERYOONE NOW OF ALL TIMES GOD DAMNIT WHY ok yknow what. I knew it would be king. I dont know how but i did

Wha

fkin cliffhanger no please no

I.. I’m kind of at a loss for words. I’m. That’s it, huh? It’s really over. It doesn’t FEEL over. There’s so much unfinished business. Well, the only way to really neatly wrap everything up as neatly as S1 did would have been to get ALL THE WAY through the Garou arc, which obviously wasn’t going to happen, but this is not a great spot to leave off if we’re going to endure another few years hiatus. My hope is that, with biweekley manga updates, we should wrap up the Monster Association/Garou stuff (assuming it doesn’t diverge from the web comic too much) some time next year, and I’m HOPING that s3 is already being planned accordingly along side manga publications. So MAYBE it will at least be announced around that time 2020. That’s my wishful thinking at least. I don’t think I can survive 3 years. anyway

You could really tell JC Staff poured their hearts and souls into these last 2 episodes. Absolutely gorgeous, paced well, so completely satisfying and making every second of s2 worth while. For me, at least. I’ve already seen people still complaining and I’m just sorry they didn’t have as much fun as I did.

Seriously, thank each and every one of you guys. This has been a wild ride, I’ve barely had this blog a few weeks before season 2 started airing (and honestly just got into opm maybe a month before that?), so I owe a lot of the success on the blog to the anime I bet. This was the first series I’ve never tried live bogging, and I honestly can’t believe that they were as popular as they were? Especially since I never have any idea what I’m doing but yall listen to me ramble anyway?? Yall are crazy thank you so so so much. Now my tuesdays are gonna feel really empty… next week is gonna be weird as hell. Though I’m gonna get mad nostalgic good vibes rewatching this season in the future in no small part from sharing my experience with everyone who's stuck around. I can’t say see yall next week this time, but, see you next season whenever it may be for sure.

#live blogging #one punch man #opm #season 2 #finale #spoilers #garou #Saitama #genos #bang #bomb #phoenixman #anime #king #long post #im so sad right now oh my god #opmiss mumbling #s2e12

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howrry · 6 years ago

Text

once in a lifetime

a/n: sorry for the hiatus, i can’t find the strain i used earlier this year that led me to churn out a ton of writing so this was a little painstaking. here’s older!harry. bon appetit

warning: do i even gotta warn you that there’s smut? nc-17

w/c: 4.5k

***

Harry's life post-fame was, well, not so great.

His stardom, in his eyes, appeared to have no end. His friends and family had expressed concerns all throughout his career that he was peaking too early, but it seemed that life only got better. More music, meeting more of his idols, more new fans and more arenas sold out before his eyes.

Unfortunately, he noticed that as he got older, his body just wasn't accustomed to the touring, drugs, and partying like it was in his youth. He had a heart-to-heart with himself and realized that his best option was to retire, which he did in his late 30's.

He even got married, to an elementary school teacher named Grace. One of his friends had set him up with her on a blind date and he liked how predictable and simple she and her life were. She was such a nice change from the hecticness of his life before, and ended up engaged after only 9 months of dating (much to his fans' dismay).

But sadly, all that glitters is not gold. After less than three years of marriage, Harry and Grace seemed to be fighting more often than they got along. They argued over everything in the books; money, physical absence, their families, substance abuse, sex, the idea of having kids, the idea of not having kids, commitment, the list went on. Eventually it was clear that Harry was much more invested in the relationship than she, which devastated him. Regardless, he pushed on.

One night, when the air in his household was thicker than molasses, Harry went into the master bedroom of his home. He pulled his shirt over his head and dropped his trousers. He climbed into bed where Grace was reading a novel. She didn't move, or look over, or even acknowledge that her husband had joined her.

"Grace?" he asked softly. Still no reaction.

He was scared. Sure, he and his wife fought plenty, but as of late, she barely spoke five words to him.

"Please," he begged, reaching out and delicately placing a hand on her forearm. "We don't have to do anything but please talk t'me. Something is clearly wrong. We haven't even spoken or had sex in w—"

"Is that all that matters to you? God, Harry, think with your other head for a change," Grace snapped, closing her book and yanking her arm away. She stood up out of bed and H heard her footsteps all the way downstairs. The telltale slam of the basement door indicated that she'd be sleeping in the guest room and he would be alone for the night. Again.

Harry's head dropped back down onto the pillow. He wasn't much of a confrontational person and hated these conflicts they had. Harry closed his eyes tight and hoped as hard as he could that the yelling and the ignoring and the disinterest would end.

And in some twisted way, he got his wish, because a week later, Grace slapped half-signed divorce papers in front of him on the breakfast table. She wouldn't entertain any sort of reconciliation; she just wanted to be separated.

The divorce was brutal. The soft, kind woman H had married just a couple years ago was gone and replaced with a cold, unloving person who wanted nothing to do with him.

As if the whole process in and of itself wasn't bad enough, Harry didn't realize that Grace would be getting the house until far too late into the separation. Her lawyer even patronized Harry-- you're an ex-rock star, I'm sure you can find a place to go. If it weren't for Liam providing him a place to stay in the meantime of finding a house, he really doesn't know what he would've done.

***

Harry knocked on Liam's door, hat in hand, and was greeted by his old friend who pulled him into a hug.

"It's been too long, mate," Liam noted, before guiding Harry into his home.

"Y/N, get down here!" Liam called, and seconds later she bounded down the stairs.

It had been ages since he'd seen Liam's daughter, Y/N. The last time he'd been around Li and his family, she'd been 14 and was in the moody teenage stage, but she was so different now. She was taller and her hair was longer, and she'd filled out quite nicely judging by how well her tennis skirt fit her--

Whoa, he caught himself. That's his friend's daughter. What was wrong with him?!

"Show Harry to the guest room," Liam told her, shaking H from his terrible thoughts. "Until then, I'll pour us some scotch and we can catch up," he said to Harry before heading off to the lounge.

Harry followed Y/N upstairs and down the hallway to the plain yet comfortable room. She opened the door and gestured for him to go inside, tossing her hair and lazily swinging the door behind her-- not quite letting it shut, though.

"Sorry that it's not exactly Caesar's Palace," she joked. "Since Mom died, my dad just let the importance of interior design slip away."

Harry waved her concerns away, setting his bag on the bed. "Nonsense. This was really nice of you two-- I'd sleep on a couch if I had to." She giggled at this before turning towards him.

Y/N looked up at Harry and gave him the look. It wasn't one he'd seen since his younger days, when girls and guys alike in clubs wanted to bed him for the social status. They lowered their eyelids slightly, cocked their head, and the corner of their mouth would tug up a bit in the hopes that it would make him immediately swoon. It never worked on H because he wasn't stupid, but he still recognized it to this day. Harry had no option except to match her eye contact, as he didn't trust himself to not let his eyes wander down to her V-neck.

Before he could say or do anything, Y/N breezed past him. "Dinner will be ready in thirty," she noted, brushing her hand down his arm as she left the guest room.

What the fuck?

Harry went back downstairs to join Liam and his two snifters on the table. His daughter was nowhere in sight, so he assumed she was in the kitchen. Liam droned on about how he was doing (probably in an attempt to take H's mind off his divorce) but, frankly, Harry wasn't really listening.

There's no way Y/N is trying to seduce him. No way. He's just... not been with a woman in a long time and is a little rusty with the signs. I mean, get real. He's almost 40 and she's, what, 18? 19? What would she want to do with him?

Dinner ended up being fajitas, good comfort food. Halfway through the dinner, though, Y/N innocuously gave up on using a tortilla and ate the filling with her hands. In any other scenario, Harry would find this to be in poor taste, but the way she made eye contact with H while licking the seasoning off her fingers made him forget all about table manners.

"... and the pap actually followed me into the locker room of my gym! I ripped him a new one. Yelling about how I haven't made music in a decade and left the band twice that much time age, and when they'll ever leave me alone. On the bright side, I think I flipped the bird in enough of his shots that none of them saw the light of day!" Liam had been telling a story which H had completely zoned out from, but luckily caught on to the part meant to be a joke. All three of them laughed together, though only one was genuine.

***

Harry couldn't fall asleep.

It didn't have any natural explanation; he didn't have any caffeine after three, he had a nightcap with Liam, and the finalization of the divorce should've led to him getting more sleep, right? Nonetheless, after hours of tossing and turning, he'd essentially given up and resorted to watching the fan lazily spin around. A sudden knock on his door spooked him, and when the door creaked open, Y/N's head popped in.

"Hey, Harry?" she asked softly.

"Yeah?" he grunted, sitting up. "'S everything alright?"

She entered without permission and sat on the edge of his bed. In the light of the bright moon outside he could see she was in a sheer white gown that just barely reached her mid-thigh. Scandalous. "Couldn't sleep."

"Same boat," he admitted, leaning back on his elbows. Her face was bare, clean of the makeup she'd had on earlier. She looked so fresh and healthy and her white nightgown gave her skin a sun-kissed appearance

Y/N sighed, her eyes wandered over his entire body, or at least all she could gather in the dark room. "Can I ask you a question?" she started, a delicate hand creeping on Harry's knee. "It's kind of... personal."

He swallowed thickly. Was it bad that just her hand on his leg made his cock twitch? "O'course. What's up?"

Y/N pursed her lips before releasing them and darting her tongue out and in. "You've had lots of sex, right?"

And he nearly choked on his own breath. She's so... straight to the point. He managed to keep his cool and nodded carefully. Where was she going with this?

"Well... I haven't," she continued, her hand sliding up his thigh just a little. "I've been seeing this guy, and he's great and all, but he's not too good in bed. I wanna do things with a man who knows what he's doing before I go back to the losers my age who... don't. Would you show me what it's like?" Her soft eyes lifted to meet his, and he couldn't believe his ears.

"Y/N... I-I don't know." Harry rubbed his eyes with the heels of his palms, as if to make sure he wasn't hallucinating this whole thing. It took him a bit to appreciate that she really had been trying to seduce him and he wasn't just going crazy.

He thought over it for a second. "It seems so wrong. I mean, the age gap is one thing, and your dad is another, but if you're already in a relationship I just...," he trailed off, not quite finishing his point and scanning your smirking face.

"He'll never know," she shrugged casually. "Not Alex or my dad. It's just a one time thing and it won't happen again."

He dragged a hand down his face, thinking over her proposition. At first glance, the cons of possibly getting caught greatly outweighed the pros. How many moral guidelines would he be breaking if he took her up on her offer? On the other hand, he hasn't had sex in what felt like ages, and when would he get this kind of chance again? He was getting up there in age and, despite his ex-star status, likely wouldn't have an attractive young woman throwing themselves at him ever again.

Fuck it.

"I- alright. What did you have in mind?" Harry's cock was starting to harden in his pants and he prayed that the angle his knee was at was hiding it.

Y/N smiled delightfully. "That's why I came to you. I don't just wanna do stuff, I want to learn. You show me."

Harry was gonna die from this girl. "Fuck, pet, you're gonna wreck me. Do you wanna... I don't know, start by sucking me off?"

"Yes please," she whispered, and there was officially zero blood left in any other part of his body.

"C'mere then." She clambered over the bed and his legs until they were face to face. He cupped her face in his big hands and connected their lips. Her lips were so soft and he wasted no time deepening the kiss followed by flicking the tip of his tongue on hers.

She pulled back to breathe. "You're fucking good at that," she blurted.

He smiled-- couldn't help it. "Then we should keep doing it," he suggested. They giggled together and she wrapped her arms around his neck. They continued making out, Harry leaning back until Y/N was laying on top of him.

One of her hands crept down to feel him in his boxers, cupping his erection. He moaned into her mouth, and she popped off his lips, making a juicy sound. She shifted down and toyed with his waistband before hesitating.

"I've only done this once, so..." she started, eyes avoiding him, "you may need to show me what to do."

"S'alright, pet," he soothed, cusping her chin and bringing her to make eye contact with him.

He sat back and took his boxers off, fleetingly embarrassed at his already-hard cock. It subsided when Y/N's eyes landed on it and her mouth actually dropped open. He grinned and took himself in his hand, pulling the foreskin down and swirling the precum around the tip. "See something y'like?"

She nodded and dropped down to be level with his member. "It's... big." Y/N gently took his cock and leaned in next to it to compare the size to her face. "How am I supposed to fit this all in me?" she asked innocently.

He groaned. "You sure y're new to this? Cause y're doing pretty damn well so far and y'haven't even gotten y'mouth on me."

She smiled and dragged the flat of her tongue from base to tip, making his head roll back. "Perfect, love. Act like you're trying to keep melting ice cream from getting everywhere." Y/N nodded.

Her tongue worked over every inch of him before finally attaching her lips to the head. She delicately sucked before getting the nerve to push down further. H's hand tangled in the hair on the back of her head and her mouth instantly became softer and over half of his cock slid between her lips.

"Fuck," he bit, emphasizing the K. Y/N liked hearing him swear because of what she was doing and was only spurred on. Maybe she was a little too excited, because she went a little too far down and came up coughing up a storm.

"Careful, doll," he cooed, rubbing her back as she regained her cool. "Do it at your own pace, not what you think I'd want." She nodded, teary eyes meeting his dark ones.

When his cock bumped at her lips again, she spit on it before going back to her comfort level. Her small hands gripped his base, where she couldn't fit her mouth. She acted like she didn't care how much of a mess she made and Harry thought it was so fucking hot. Her head lifted and lowered in his lap, obscenities slipping from H's mouth.

It got to a point where Harry was involuntarily bucking into her mouth, and he knew he was about to overwhelm her. If he kept letting her blow him, he'd cum down her throat any minute. "Fuck, love," he groaned, pulling her off him by her hair. "I think it's about time for your turn."

Y/N pouted for a second and he almost snapped. Her lips were puffy from sucking his cock, her eyes were watery, and her cheeks were pink and it took so much in him to not shove himself back into her soft mouth.

But she nodded and allowed him to pull the nightie off her body, exposing her breasts to him. He resisted impulsively grabbing at them as she rolled back onto the bed, hair fanning out below her. He climbed up and kissed her, tasting himself on her lips. He dragged his own mouth down her jaw and neck, past her collarbones and attached onto her nipple. One of his hands toyed with her other breast and her back arched beneath his body.

"Stay still," he ordered, breath ghosting over her skin. To further assert this, his free hand pressed her body back down onto the bed. She complied, but let heavenly noises slip from her.

Harry continued trailing down her body until he reached her white panties, which he grabbed with his teeth and dragged down her legs. He used his hands to get them off the rest of the way and spread her legs, exposing all of her to him. "So gorgeous," he said, almost to himself.

"Do you touch yourself?" he asked, eyes flicking up to meet hers.

Her cheeks were a soft pink, bashful at the sudden eye contact. "Yes," ghosted out of her mouth.

"What do you think about?"

Y/N pursed her lips momentarily. "Getting eaten out," she whispered. "No one's ever done it to me, but I bet it feels great."

Harry laughed at this, and placed two of his fingers on her clit. They dragged down her core to her already-wet hole and slowly made their way back up. His pressure was so light, yet her heightened sensitivity had her head roll back. "Go on," he hummed.

Y/N sucked air through her teeth but obeyed. "Sometimes in porn, they 69 and I think that's so hot," she rushed out. "Like, both are getting pleased and moaning into the other--oh God," she whimpered when he momentarily dipped his middle finger inside her, only to pull it right back out.

Harry raised an eyebrow. "Y'watch porn, hmm?"

It was Y/N's turn to smirk. "Everyone does." H pressed his finger slightly harder against her button and her back arched involuntarily.

His free hand pushed her back down again. "I said to stay still," he muttered, face hardening for a moment. "What else do you like to see?"

She gnawed on her bottom lip. "When they fuck missionary, I think it's really sweet when they make eye contact, but..." she trailed off.

"But what?" Harry pushed on, dipping his middle and index finger in this time.

"But... but I like when he fucks her from behind more. And it's really rough. And the girls cums all over his cock." Y/N exhaled, closing her eyes.

"Fuck, love, you're filthy," he noted. Harry spread her open and paid exclusive attention to her swollen clit, making her gasp as his rough fingers circled and flicked over it.

It was almost too much-- she was so sensitive she couldn't help but grab at his wrist to try and stop his actions. This finally got him impatient. He gripped her hand and huffed darkly, "Grab at me again and I'll tie you to this bed." Y/N's eyes were wide as saucers but her hands retreated and she allowed him to continue playing with her.

Without warning, H plunged his first two fingers into her down to his knuckles. He drew circles with his fingertips inside her pussy, stretching her open while stimulating every angle. Every four or five rotations, he hooked his fingers up to press against the spongey spot that had her whimpering and shaking.

"F-feels so good, Harry," she whined, struggling not to touch him and desperate for more. Her head tossed from side to side, as if to hide her moans and contorting face.

"Yeah?" he purred. "Y'like feeling m'fingers buried inside your tight little cunt?" Y/N nodded, slightly grinding her hips down. He allowed this, thumbing at her clit as she grabbed at the sheets.

Harry drew his fingers from her, and she groaned at the suddenly empty feeling. "Shh, love. Let's try something new." Her eyes confusedly begged for an explanation.

As soon as he uttered that number, Y/N's face brightened, she moved to let him lay on the bed and climbed so that her core was just above his face. She took his member in her hand as he grabbed at her ass with his big hands. The two of them dove into the other with carnal ferocity. Harry ate her like she was water in a desert, and this angle allowed his cock to slip right down her throat. The two devoured the other until the only sounds in the room were the slick noises of their own arousal and their muffled moans.

Y/N had never experienced this kind of raw pleasure before. He circled his tongue around her clit and, at the same time, pushed two fingers into her. She began to get a little greedy and pushed back against his face. He encouraged this, taking his fingers from her and wrapping his arms around her thighs and pulling her back on him. It wasn't long before she couldn't even focus on him anymore and virtually began riding his tongue. Her wobbly arms straddled his torso as he continued eating her out with the sounds of her gasps mixing with his mouth on her wet peach.

"Oh my God, I'm gonna--" she stuttered before reaching her high. Harry's tongue dove even further into her, letting her ride out her orgasm on his face. Even after she'd finished, he continued to lick into her.

Y/N rolled off his face and away from him. When he reached for her, she kept him at a distance with her arm extended. "I'm so... so..."

"Sensitive," he finished in a breath. She fell back onto the bed and he hovered over her. "When you come down, I want to be inside you."

Her jaw dropped at his boldness, but truthfully it was exactly what she wanted. After a few moments of her catching her breath, she laid back down on the bed and Harry towered over her. He caught glimpses of nervousness and leaned down to kiss her.

"Are you a virgin?" he asked, breath ghosting over her skin.

She shook her head. "No, but I'm not that... y'know..." Her eyes closed as she trailed off but Harry understood.

"Shh, s'alright. I'll be gentle," he promised. He lined himself up with her hole. "Are y'sure you want this?" he asked, just in case.

"Yes, please," she whined, and once given the green light, he inhaled sharply before gently pushing himself forward. The few seconds it took to fit his whole cock in her were perhaps the longest moments of his life. She was just so fucking tight, he had to count backwards from 100 to keep from harshly snapping his hips into hers.

Before he knew it, he looked down and his entire cock was buried in her cunt. He didn't dare move, allowing her to adjust before he really took off. It was so snug he thought he was about to go blind. Even with all they had already done, he still felt some level of disgust with himself.

Nonetheless, he couldn't stop.

She clenched around him, trying to hide her grimace. He leaned down to coo in her ear, "Shh, baby, take your time." H carefully kissed around her jaw and rubbed his hands up and down the sides of her body while continuing to stay still until she whimpered out one lone word. Move.

He straightened up again and reeled his hips back, revealing his cock now glistening. Harry pushed it back into her slowly causing her jaw to go slack and a soft moan to escape.

What really was the cherry on top for her was just the raw feeling of a cock inside her. The drag of it retreating and thrusting back into her, the empty feeling it left on the backstrokes, the tip pressing against the one spot inside her leaving her speechless. Sure, she'd played with herself and some boys had had the privilege of filling her with their fingers and whatnot, but nothing in her life had compared to a grown man stretching out her cunt with his thick cock.

Harry was shamelessly staring at himself disappearing into her walls and Y/N grinned. "Y'like watching yourself fuck this young cunt, hmm?" she teased, one hand grabbing the bedding and the other digging into his bicep.

"You've got a dirty mouth, y'little minx," he gritted out, a hand snaking up and gripping her throat as he continued fucking into her.

A devious smile crept up on her face, both frightening Harry and making his cock twitch. "Flip... me... over," she begged, voice straining through Harry's fist around her neck.

He nodded and pulled his cock from her. He moved back on the bed to allow her to lay on her stomach. Harry grabbed her hips and yanked her up on her knees and rubbed the tip of his cock up and down her slit to collect her arousal.

She arched her back and turned her head so that she could watch him fuck her. Her fingers clenched the sheets as he pressed the tip against her entrance before slowly sliding himself in again. Every thrust pushed her further into the pillows before he finally gave up and grabbed her by her hair, pulling her up so that her back was flush with his chest. The hand not tangled in her hair snaked around the front of her body for stability as he continued roughly fucking her.

He released her hair and brought the hand around to dip his fingers into her mouth. "Get 'em nice and wet, doll," he ordered and she complied, licking and sucking at his fingers until they were soaked. He trailed this hand down to her clit and began rubbing circles without breaking his rhythm.

Both of them were getting nearer to their orgasm, evident by Y/N's legs starting to shake beneath her and Harry's thrust becoming more and more erratic. "I'm g-na cum a-gain," Y/N choked out.

"Jus' a bit more, darling, and I'll fill your little pussy up," he hissed into her ear, which only made the both of them closer. Soon Y/N cried out so loud Harry had to smack a hand over her mouth, and his hips awkwardly stuttered as both of them came.

He drew himself out and both of them collapsed on the bed to catch their breath. Neither of them knew what to say or even think about what just happened.

Y/N shakily sat up after catching her breath."I can't stay here, or I'll fall asleep and my dad will catch us in the morning," she noted. "Thank you for that, Harry."

He snorted. "I should be thanking you. I haven't cum that hard in a long time."

She didn't respond, and it was quiet in the room for a few moments before Y/N finally broke the silence. "I think I have to break up with Alex," she muttered, slipping the nightgown back over her head and going to the door.

Panicked, Harry sat up on his elbows with his eyebrows furrowed. "What? Why?" His mind raced. Did she now regret doing this and felt guilty, maybe? Had he just made a huge mistake?

She stopped at the door, her hand on the knob, and turned to him. "Because every time I'm gonna be with him in the future, I'm gonna be thinking about what just happened," she explained with a grin before leaving and closing the door behind her.

If it weren't for the mind-blowing sex he'd just had and the sound of the fan soothing him to sleep, he probably wouldn't have let her leave.

#Harry Styles #Harry Styles Fan Fiction #harry styles one shot #harry styles writing #harry styles smut #harryforvogue #jawllines #haroldloverboy #seriously guys whatever weed my guy had back in january/february was like talent in a plant #i would sit at my laptop and write THOUSANDS of words of Hontent #unfortunately for most of them once i got 1/3 of the way thru i got a new idea and abandoned the old one #i try to go back to them but it's a clear distinction of what i wrote in my manic frenzy and what I'm forcing myself to write #anyways sorry if you read all these tags i hope you enjoyed!

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kinktae · 5 years ago

Note

holy crap!! I just noticed y/n’s family in bitchin is like stranger things !!!! I love that sm omg love it so far btw ♡

YESSSS thank u for noticing!! I have a lot of fun with writing bitchin i do hehe

(warning: literal 80 asks under the cut)

Anonymous said: not @ me reading bitchin’ during math literally SLAMMING YHE DESK

crystalsnowd said: I LOVED BITCHINNNN OMG UR SO TALENTED I CANT WAIT FOR THE NEXT PART

Anonymous said: I was going to stay up to wait for Bitchin but I went to sleep instead because today is my first day of school (second year of university) so I decided to get sleep while I still could. Also I read the update on the train sitting next to a random lady and I really hope she didn’t look over at my phone lol. I loved the update and I can’t wait for the rest of the series!!!

Anonymous said: OMG BITCHIN WAS SO GOOD! You're such an amazing writer!!!

jun-sohyunnie-dotnet said: Just an fyi, bitchin' jk is my FAVORITE jk I've ever had the pleasure of reading. Ever. He could stomp all over me and I'd thank him profusely. (And you're writing is absolutely captivating 🥺💕💕)

sugarkinky said: Bitchin just wrecked me for real, U ARE AWESOME ROSE mierda que te amo chica ¿cómo consigues escribir así? Eres perfecta ❤

Anonymous said: Bruh bitchin was everything I wanted and more thank u baby

Anonymous said: Bitchin’ is amazing! I have so many feelings ahhhh!!! I love you and your work 🥺

awkwardaegyo said: YOU HAVE GOT ME SO THIRSTY FOR JUNGKOOK FUCKIN PARCHED D-HYDRATED IF YOU WILL BITCHIN HAS GOT ME FUCKEC UP!!!!!

Anonymous said: Bitchin' is literally my favourite fic right now, it's so good! 😍 Can't wait for the next part!!

gardenofrosesx said: Im in love with bitchin 🥺💗 I think that the song that represent it so well is Wait a minute by Willow Smith, every time a hear it I imagine this fic💗 I send you thousands of good vibes and love and peace to your side! Keep going 💗

Anonymous said: Ahhhh I just wanted to say bitchin is absolutely amazing and is so well written and I’m just completely hooked!!! YOU DID AMAZING!!! Also is there gonna be angst in future chapters BECAUSE IM REALLY NOT READY IF BOTH JUNGKOOK AND OC DENY THEIR FEELINGS FOR EACH OTHER

Anonymous said: girl, I finally got around to reading bitchin' and I CAN'T BELIEVE I DIDN'T READ IT SOONER. it's been a while since I've found a chaptered fic that kept my interests but I was hooked with pt 1!!! I love your spin on tatbilb, and I love the characters you created. I have to honestly say, I'm also absolutely in love with the way you write. your descriptions and dialogue hit me in all the right places. I can't wait to see where this story takes me. thank you for doing what you do!

Anonymous said: Love Bitchin so far!

Anonymous said: i keep rereading bitchin pt. 5😭😭 love it so much

Anonymous said: hi!! I just wanted to leave an ask and let you know that you’re one of my absolute favorite authors and your work is incredible!! the concept behind your rewind series is so unique and interesting and all of the stories have been wonderful so far. I’m so looking forward to the rest of bitchin’ because it has been so so so good and I love the way that you’re developing the characters and the plot. I hope you have a wonderful day!!

Anonymous said: just finished bitchin 5 and ................ i cant believe how ure able to write jungkook to Life and characterize him in such an attractive way it makes it so artistic and aknejdjdj it’s art it’s everything

Anonymous said: Argh the grind is real! I’m about to start my exams too so we can both be working our asses off! Also Bitchin is such a great series and I wanted to let you know you’re an amazing writer!!! The series made me so emotionally invested in the characters and I can’t get enough of it!! ITS SO GOOODDD THANK YOU FOR WRITING SUCH A MASTERPIECE

sanniinnas said: Hiii! Love your writings soo much! You have such a talent with words! You inspire me as a writer and make me want to learn writing and English better.

Anonymous said: I am seriously laughing from the asks that have been send to you and i cannot wait to read the ff because now i am busy :( also random fact, my biology teacher told us aboit Rosa Franklin and i already knew about her, and all i could keep thinking was bitchin pt5 and i started laughing. They thought i was a maniac 😎🤙

Anonymous said: just wanted to say bitchin’ is *chefs kiss* and i can’t wait for part 7 🥺 i’m not trynna rush you i’m just excited 🥺

nochusbutt said: okay but FIRST OF ALL, YES BITCHIN’ YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS. secondly, my name is Rose too I’m so, what? omg yes I literally share a name with a legend. quote me!! 🥰☺️🤪

Anonymous said: Ahhh I am so excited for Bitchin Pt 6!!! No exaggeration this is my all time favorite fic, I think ab it a lot honestly. Whenever I see 80s aesthetic BTS edits I think of Bitchin and lots of love songs make me think of this fic too. I’m not a huge fan of smut but this fic is just so good. The OCs and Jks interactions are precious and I’m obsessed with the 80s theme! I am a huge fan of angst so I am ready to cry my eyes out. Thank you for writing this amazing fic

Anonymous said: aight...time to go re-read bitchin again ....[insert /ah shit, here we go again/ video]

Anonymous said: I CANT WAIT FOR BITCHIN

hear-me-growl said: Wait! Bitchin' is not done?! It's one of my favourite fics ever! I love the whole cliche college vibe, the dialogues are sooo good and the chemistry between Jk and the girl it's just perfect, really. And now you tell me it's not finished.😱 I AM SO EXCITED! you've made my day! Keep up the good work, you are amazing 😍

Anonymous said: AAAAAAAA THE BITCHIN UPDATE WAS SO GOOD !!!!! but also Kiri that bItCh y/n don’t fall for it 🤡😩

Anonymous said: i want sleep but BITCHIN

Anonymous said: IM PUMPED FOR BITCHINYYYYYYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

Anonymous said: Thankyou for updating bitchin sis!!!! But im so sad because this is their first fight(?) i hope they can talk about it and hoping kiri doesnt talk nonsense tp y/n ok :( but I AM GLAD JUNGKOOK REALIZE HE LIKES OC OKEY OKEY! 💜💜💜 sending 💜💜💜💜 to you because you deserve it👏🏼

diortae said: rose I have class in a few minutes and all I can think about is how much I want bitchin jk to raw me what have u DONE

Anonymous said: BITCHIN WAS GREATTTT 🥰 RLLY CANT WAIT FOR THE NEXT CHAPTT 🥺🥺

sunnyoongles said: bitchin is literally so good*chefs kiss* i love angst*chefs kiss* i love drama*chefs kiss* i just love the whole rewind series*chefs kiss*

Anonymous said: BITCHIN’ PART 6 EXCUSE ME STOP TRYING TO HURT MY FEELINGS IM NOT READY FOR THE ANGST

ppampin said: so yesterday i read bitchin pt. 6 three times in a row because it was just so good and now i can't wait to pt. 7 to come out

Anonymous said: Finally got to read bitchin 6, WTF IS GOING ON!? I’m so confused!! Do I trust my so called boyfriend or do I trust “girl code” by my boo’s ex who tried to scare me away from my boo the first time we met ??!!?

Anonymous said: i really need to know something about bitchin 🤔 is kiri a bitch or we don't have feminine rivalry here? help me out rose

Anonymous said: It is almost 1 am in here and I have a morning class but guess who is gonna binge re read all the Bitchin because the last chapter was so good?? 🤔

Anonymous said: I’m so ready for you to break our hearts in bitchin. I live for the angst 😭😭😪

Anonymous said: Rose you are KILLING ME with this story like I'm not even caught up on my favorite TV shows this week but goddammit I still made time for Bitchin' 💕💕💕

cheeky-kookie said: Girl I am sooooo fucking happy with Bitchin' 6. Like I love the small progressions Jungkook is having coming to terms with his actual feelings with Y/N. Also btw, loving the whole Yara/Tae moments going on ;) As always, I'm in love. Thank you for blessing us with this masterpiece

Anonymous said: Rosie !! I just read Bitchin’ and BIIIIITCH you have my feelings on a rollercoaster !!!!!! I’ve never been so invested in a fanfic like this and imma tell you how much I appreciate you for putting your work out on the internet. Especially for free like wtf ! Your writings are some quaLITY shit that I would purchase without hesitation 👌🏽👏🏽 I was wondering if you ever considered going into the writing career ? Anyways have a lovely day 💛💛 -MC

Anonymous said: This ch 6 getting all the attention away from my precious zombie Jungkook 😤 But who am I to say I love Bitchin😂😍 This Kiri better not be playing dirty games we are already not in good terms with her 🧐 And why is nobody talking about the fact that Y/N finally got her event she dreamed of?? Congrats girlll 🎊🎉🥳👌👏

Anonymous said: EXCUSE ME DID I READ THAT U SAID BITCHIN WILL BE ANGSTY FROM HERE ON OUT WBAT MY HEART I CANG FJSHSHDJS

sapphireprinces5 said: I am 1000% not ready for angst between the precious y/n and Jungkook in Bitchin’ omfg i’m honestly terrified and going to buy some tissues from the cvs across the street

Anonymous said: I JUST FINISHED READING BITCHIN 6 AND JUNGKOOK PLS TELL ME THAT JUNGKOOK IS OVER KIRI )))): he couldn’t have been lying about the way he felt for y/n even though it was reheated, right??? I’m SADD. But Rose, you are so beyond talented!!! I love reading your works!!!

Anonymous said: Ok, Rose you gotta let me know if Bitchin’ will have a happy ending, because I don’t know if my emotions can handle an upseti spaghetti ending. Anywho I love you and your writing, everything is chefs kiss. 💗

Anonymous said: bitchin will have 10 parts?????? ma'am u got the power

Anonymous said: OKAY SO BITCHIN’ IS AMAZING AND LIKE— I LOVE (1) DUMB “”””COUPLE”””” Your writing is amazing omg

Anonymous said: Me: already read bitchin completely You: reblogs pt.6 Me: a little refresher wouldn’t hurt 👀

Anonymous said: I wish u the best during your hiatus!!! Take lots of care bby :3 Just wanted to tell you how much I love the 'Bitchin' series, I'm shooketa at how well written it is. Y/N is a really refreshing character, especially as an STEM major myself, it's so relatable to some extent, especially when it comes to appreciating compliments about your inteligence, that really got me, since it's kinda unsual. I hope I found a Jungkook one day then :') jk, but really, I absolutely loved it, you're the best!!!

Anonymous said: hi just so u r aware if u make the end of bitchin’ sad i will cry. that will be on u. my tears will be UR fault.

Anonymous said: i just wanted to say thank you. when bitchin’ came out, there was a part where y/n talks about why she hated her twin sisters. it was comforting to know that i wasn’t alone in feeling uncool or boring. i never brought up my brother because i thought people would see how uncool i was and so i put my effort into school instead. thanks for bringing me comfort and for pushing me to love myself more and to change my viewpoints on the parts of myself i view as boring!!!!! 💛💛💛💛💛💛🌼

this made me :’))) i love knowing that you can find comfort in my characters!!! there is a little piece of me in all my characters but I do try to make them all somewhat different so that other people can relate. best of luck lovely!!

purplealiensblog said: Yo ily and cant wait for the next chapter of bitchin but i have to share: i got a notif on a new chapter and was all excited and then i discover its tumblr being glitchy again and notifying me on the last one :( i hope you will find time soon to write the rest and thank you for writing i love your work🥰♥️

Anonymous said: BITCH I JUST FINISHED READING BITCHIN IN JUST ONE DAY AND NOW I’M CRYING BECAUSE THIS IS MY NEW FAVORITE FIC OF ALL TIME!!!.!.!.! (also sorry my bad englisheu i’m not native lmao)

Anonymous said: HELLO LOVELY AAAAAAAA IM HAPPY YOURE BACK 😩 are u reallyback tho? Hehe im so shookt with the new chapter of bitchin’ has me yearning for more😭 im def a proud bitchinator😔👏 tHANK YOU FOR THIS GIFT BEFORE CHRISTMAS😃 WE LOVE U!!!!💜 we MISSED YOU!! 💜 i hope u are loved and happy and cared for! 💜K

Anonymous said: Hi there !!I hope your doing well ! Taking your time to recover and work on yourself I literally just finshed bitchin to the last update and oof I just gotta tell you what the f How do you write the characters so well... I love me some good characterization like oof ICANNOT JJK IS SO I WANNA SMOOSH HIM IN MY ARMS LIKE PLEASE THE STORY IS ABSOLUTELY AMAZING HAHA I HOPE IM NOT SCARING YOU WITHMY CAPSLOCK I just wish to sincerely get my excitement across hahaha I love you boo take care x

nonecesitodenadie said: I rarely send asks but... I'm reading bitchin and I'M LOVING IT, really it's amazing i hope that you can continue it, i send you much love and thanks for your work you're so talented 🥺❤️

Anonymous said: can i just say bitchin' is honest to god such a good good good fic like i'm so in l*ve with it 😩 i've probably reread it thrice waiting for a new update ): i also happen to love your other works so much as well!!

sydney--chan said: Okay so no cap yesterday I was talking to my friend (who also reads your work) about me and my bf n she was like "he loves you the way Bitchin' jk loves Y/N aND I SOBBED ROSE IT MADE ME CRY FOR HOURS

usagionthem00n said: Lol I know you’ve been kinda quiet on here BUT IM HERE TO PLATONICALLY HARASS U???(tbh idk I’m just trying to find a reason to bother you) I-I miss u 👉👈 HOPE THIS POST MADE U SMILE ILL BE BACK BITCH (Um speaking of bitches I still need to join the bitchinators :/) I PROMISE ILL GET TO IT!!!

Anonymous said: HIIII! so, one night I spent about two hours trying to find another great Jungkook story... I was losing hope in finding one BUT THEN I FOUND “BITCHIN” and omg it’s amazing, I absolutely love it!!!!! take care always, have a great day!! thank you for creating such a beautiful story.

Anonymous said: Can I just say.... bitchin is so good! like it’s been so long since I’ve liked a fic as much as bitchin??!!? Everything about it has me like :)))) so yes just wanted to let u know hehe

Anonymous said: IM ACTUALLY OBSESSED W THE “BITCHIN” SERIES YOU DONT EVEN KNOW 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

SO MANY OF U LOVIN ON BITCHIN!! MAYHAPS IM OVERWHELMED (in the best way possible). Thank u everyone who sent an ask in, i am the happiest bean in bed rn reading all these asks C:

#ask #I DID ITTTTT #jk tho there are actually a few more ones about bitchin but imma make another post I think #Anonymous

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niall-is-my-dream · 6 years ago

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Lost Without You - Prologue

1550 words

The pub was absolutely buzzing tonight, but then it was a Friday. Everyone was letting loose after a long week. The booths around the outside and the smaller clusters of tables and chairs in the middle were all full of locals enjoying their evening. The stage at the far end of the pub was taken up by a group of four lads, two of which were in your business class at University. They were the band you had recommended to your boss, hoping to add a little something different to the Friday night's. They had been a hit and you had been run off your feet, you couldn't wait for the night to end.

It was nearing 10pm and you needed to grab some more change from the safe in the office. Checking with Luke and Jasper that they would ok for a few ninutes, you made your way down the corridor away from the bar. Grabbing the change from the safe you shoved the money in the front of your apron pocket, and quickly turned off the light in the office and left.

"Thanks love, that's kind of you to say." You heard a lad further up the corridor say. "I'm sorry, but I really have to go."

The girl in front of him, wearing a trashy red plastic looking dress didn't seem to understand personal space. She was leaning in and whispering to him, he didn't however look impressed.

"Yep, I'm sure you do. I'm just heading to the loo though, so no but thanks." He said, trying to be as polite as he could. However you could hear the frustration in his voice.

As you got closer, you recognised him. The lights in the corridor hadn't helped you get a clear look at him from by the office, but you could now see he was getting flustered. It was the singer/songwriter Niall Horan.

You knew who he was obviously, your niece had been a big fan of One Direction before they went on hiatus. His songs were always being played on the radio and you'd seen the articles about his recent tour. Gone was the blonde haired boy, instead he was now a 25 year old man.

Something just didn't sit right with you though, and you couldn't just walk past them.

"Hey love, what's your name?" You ask the clearly intoxicated girl as you approached them both. Niall looked up and his face was full of relief when he saw your bar uniform.

He had needed saving.

"Cassidy." She managed to mumble out, the strong smell of Jaeger on her breath. She must be part of the hen party that had ordered so many Jaeger bombs tonight that you had cut them off. You had a strict policy of not letting people get too drunk, it only ended up causing problems for you and was dangerous for them.

"Well Cassidy, I don't think Niall here is appreciating your drunken arse rubbing up against him."

"You know this is Niall Horan don't you?!" She attempted to whisper, but you knew Niall had heard her. "He's so sexy and manly."

Niall smirked, but he was clearly embarrassed by the whole situation. You returned his smile and tried not to laugh as you answered her.

"I'm aware of who he is and yes he is sexy and manly, but right now you're sexually harassing him and if you don't stop I will kick you out. Do you understand Cassidy?" You said firmly.

"Um..... I wasn't sexually harassing him." She said clearly, your words suddenly sobering her up.

"Sweetheart, you're grinding yourself on him and his face tells me he is not enjoying it. Plus he asked you to leave him alone twice in the time it took me to walk from my office just a few metres away to here."

You looked up at Niall who was trying to hide a smirk.

"I was just playing around, gotta try your luck haven't you?!" She giggled, swishing her long dark hair over her shoulder.

"If he, a guy was behaving the way you are right now, I'm sure you wouldn't be happy. Now leave him alone."

She gave Niall a glare and said sorry before walking off into the main part of the bar.

"And Cassidy, if I catch you harassing him or anyone else, I'll kick you out. Understand? I have a zero tolerance for behaviour like that on my shift."

"Yeah, sure." She replied, unimpressed by you stopping whatever she was trying to do.

When she had gone around the corner you turned to Niall.

"You ok?" You asked him, touching his arm gently.

"Yeah, I am. Thanks love." He replied laughing nervously.

"Sorry about that, hopefully she will leave you alone for the rest of the night." You said reassuringly.

"I honestly thought she was going to follow me into the toilet." He smiled.

"Well, you go on in and I'll wait here and keep watch if you want?"

"Would you?"

"Yeah sure."

"Ok. As long as you don't mind."

You gestured towards the toilet and he nodded. Niall went into the toilet, while you leaned against the wall opposite the door. Taking your phone out of your pocket, you browsed your Instagram before Niall emerged a few minutes later.

"Thankyou for doing that." He smiled.

"No worries. Just find me if she or anyone hassles you again. I'm in charge of the shift tonight so I'll be here till the end." You smiled back.

"Ok.......?" He replied, clearly wanting your name.

"Emma."

"So Emma, do you often save men in distress like that?!" He smiled at you.

"Not that often!" You smiled. "We do get famous people in here and they sometimes do attract unwanted attention from some individuals. I don't want you to feel that it happens in here a lot though and I hope it won't deter you from coming in here again."

"My friends and I are actually having a great time this evening. The band were really good."

You had both started to make your way down the corridor towards the bar area, Niall walking slightly behind you.

"I'll pass on that comment to the lads if that's ok? They are some friends of mine from University."

"Of course, that's fine."

"I'll let you join your friends again. Just find me if you need me."

"Thanks again Emma, I appreciate it."

There was a pause before you nodded a good bye and walked behind the bar.

He seemed like a nice lad and you didn't want him to be turned off by some of the desperate girls you got here on the weekends. You had hoped that your special music night would attract better clientele, but a rather loud hen party had come in. They would probably move onto a club soon, meaning that men in the bar would be safe. When you got back behind the bar and deposited the change into the tills, you helped the boys with the small queue that had appeared.

Almost an hour later and you had called last orders at the bar. Some of the crowd left to find a club to go to, while others made their way over to the bar for a last drink. You saw Niall and a couple of lads walk over, taking a seat on the bar stools in front of you.

You started restocking the fridges, leaving Jasper to serve Niall and anyone who needed it and empty the washers, while Luke began clearing the tables of glasses.

You worked every Thursday and Friday night with them, all three of you knew each other from University in some way. You'd managed to secure the Shift Manager position in your second year, now in your third and final year you hadn't got long until you graduated.

"Are you coming down the student union after we finish?" Jasper asked you.

"No, I have work tomorrow all day at The Cosy Coffee Corner." You replied.

"Are you still working there as well as here, I thought you were going to quit?"

"Can't afford to, I need both jobs at the moment and after I graduate. And honestly, I love that place. Working for Audrey is a dream."

You carried on stocking the fridge with the bottled beers as Jasper turned to serve someone. You could hear Niall and his friends speaking behind you and as you stood up with an empty crate you realised Niall had been watching you. Quickly turning away you moved along the bar towards the back room to get rid of the crate and collect a new one.

"So Emma are you coming to the 90's night at the union with us when we finish?" Luke asked, appearing at the end of the bar with his hands full of empty glasses.

"Already asked her and apparently she's going home to bed!" Jasper replied cheekily.

"Emma Jane Pearce are you abandoning us for some alone time?! Or have you met a man and not told us?!"

"Luke! What the .....?!" You replied looking over to find Niall and his friends watching you, all of them had smirks on their faces. "You can all wipe those smirks off your faces and get your minds out of the gutter! I have work all day tomorrow, I have to get up early!"

"Yeah yeah!" Jasper laughed.

"Fuck you all." You muttered under your breath.

"Now now Emma, not in front of the customers." Luke joked, pointing to Niall and his friends.

"Don't stop on our account!" The one sitting to Niall's right said.

"Cheers lads!" You replied shaking your head.

You couldn't help but notice Nialls smirk.

Part One

https://niall-is-my-dream.tumblr.com/post/186140788313/lost-without-you-part-one

#Niall #Niall Horan #Niall Horan fan fic #Niall Horan fan fiction #Niall fan fic #Niall fan fiction #wasn't going to post this just yet #but couldn't help myself #let me know what you think #it's just something I'm working on at the moment

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abilitypossessed-m · 5 years ago

Text

Anon asked: ☠ , ♥, ⚜ , ☄ , ☀ , ✂ , ✖ , ♒ the salty af munday meme

Oh boyyyyyyy- Salt content.

Hold on, hold on, I need a read more for this shit-

☠ What does someone have to do for an instant unfollow from you?

Good question! There are a few ways to get me to unfollow someone, though I will admit it’s been a while since I unfollowed someone. Clearly not reading my rules is a good one, along with being on a hiatus or just being away for a long time and never saying so. I’m not asking for some long, detailed post about why you’re going on hiatus for a while or something-- I just want to know that you aren’t dead or outright abandoning the blog.

♥ What's the WORST thing that has happened to you rp wise?

This is a harder one because I gotta admit, it’s been a few years since it happened and I kinda blocked it out of my head for a hot minute. But I got a message from someone about wanting to RP, and it eventually led to my Discord because they seemed nice enough, you know?

But then they changed the conversation to non-conning my muse. Which let’s be fair, that’s something that happens, muses be like that at times, so I could kind of understand where they were coming from. But the way they were asking to do it made me uncomfortable. Then they started asking about me personally, my life and my sexual interests. This 100% irked me and I swear to the lord that they knew that.

It was when they asked for images of myself that I blocked them. I looked up their URL later to find that they had been called out before for doing such things a couple years prior to them contacting me.

⚜ How many people do you not like?

Now, I certainly couldn’t say an exact number, if you know me from my other blog I’m in too many fandoms and every fandom has it’s people. But I will admit there really are two people in particular that I go to all costs to avoid simply because of seeing what they’ve done to people around me and my own experience.

☄ Have you ever been in the middle of drama?

I hate to say it, but yeah, I’ve been in drama a couple of times. I won’t say what about, or where, but it’s happened. People went through loops via my friends to contact me a few different times over the years over some petty things, and some fandoms seem to be nothing but drama, sadly. But I’ve never been called out, if I was I’ve certainly never heard of it or no one ever told me. It’s kinda why I’m a bit picky with my other fandoms and who I interact with in those series in particular.

☀ What's your rp pet peeve?

Let. Me. Actually. See. Your. IcOnS-

I absolutely can’t stand icons that are smaller than 70 x 70, they look like a bunch of tiny, tiny pixels that my blind bat eyes can’t see.

Also a similar peeve, double small text, along with when words or letters of a word are spelled out over more than one space. I can squint my kiwi eyes to see them if it’s only once or twice, but if it’s all over the reply I’ll go nuts trying to read it.

✂ A fandom that you feel isn't open and accepting?

Aaaahahahaha....

I’m good, I’m not getting pulled into drama again just because I say a fandom isn’t welcoming.

But if you go into IMs I might say. I’m just not gonna dare say such things on Tumblr, because they’ve proven previously that they keep an eye on me and I’m not mentally well enough to deal with that.

I will agree though, series like BnHA and Voltron do indeed, seem very uncomfortable just being an outsider and seeing a rare post about the fandom via mutuals.

✖ How has Tumblr RP changed since you started?

Well, for starters, the updates have really sucked- But I suppose you mean RPC-wise. I started way back in 2013-14. Not as long as other people but still, I’m kinda sorta old. I think that, in general, everything’s grown very constricted. I remember seeing posts of people being open than not being hated on for having opinions. Being able to write more dark content without people crying about it. It’s just gotten... Worse. But this is the only real platform to RP and so we’re all stuck in this hell.

♒ Thoughts on the fandom you're currently rping in?

Now we get some fluff at the end. Good, good-

BSD is one of the better fandoms I’ve been in recently. I’m still newer so perhaps I’m not seeing all of the people and such, but I haven’t seen any public posting calling out people when that’s something I usually see in the other fandom’s I’m in once a week to once a month.

Seriously, this place is a breath of fresh air.

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olivenight17 · 5 years ago

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Hiatus

TW: depression/kinda mentions of suicide, in general not happy thoughts(so if you’re not in a good state mentally, just know I’m taking a hiatus but I’ll be back, cool? Good, now go rest and hydrate yourself)

Heyyy, welcome to late night(more like early morning for me lmao it’s like three am I’ve gotta get up for school in three hours) posting with Olive, where I tell you: I’m taking a hiatus from writing. I mean I’ll probably like still be active because tumblr is most of my escapism these days, but don’t expect any like actual content for a bit.

I...have hit a depression. And it is very bad, bad enough to wish to go to sleep and stop waking up. And it’s been like that for the passed two weeks if not for a few months, and because depression is a bitch, it’s stolen my want to write. The amount of times I keep staring at literally any of my requests with a blank stare and no motivation is ridiculous quite honestly. Though in all honesty its stolen my motivation to do literally anything. I just want to curl into myself and stop existing. And I’ve had one too many mental breakdowns trying to force myself to do the requests and nothing coming from it, so it’s time to let it go and take a break.

Hiatus won’t be forever. Knowing my idiotic mind, I’ll post this and then magically have the ability to do everything because I’m not allowed to be right lmao. But really, I’ll be back, maybe sooner rather than later? Just whenever depression stops kicking me directly in the ass and lets me have the motivation to do things again. It’s really upsetting to be honest, writing was like the only thing that’s ever kept me sane and now I can’t even do it without thinking I’m a failure and wanting to cry. Same things happened with my schoolwork, legit I am slipping on everything.

Fear not though, as much as I currently wish to die, probably nothing will come from it. I’m looking into finding a therapist and I’ll get help. I don’t want to worry anyone who would for some reason care about my existence.

Ahah, isn’t this such a great way to kick off 2020?

#OliveTalks #olive reveals things lol #olive gets real #yeah #this has been me for a while #tried to hide it #worked pretty well but my dark thoughts have really caught up to me it would seem #sorry this is kinda sad #I know no one like actually cares #just figured I’d tell y’all why I have provided exactly zero of my own content lately #maybe I’ll get better?#who knows #definitely not me lol #I...should go to bed

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sxlvxtion-lost · 5 years ago

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Heyo my dudes so remember this post from way back before I kinda went on a hiatus on this blog? Well I have some good news for you all. And this is kinda an update on where I’ve been and what I’ve been doing.

So the Cluster headaches were not cluster headaches at all. As it turns out its a Nerve pain. I actually suffer from something called Opitical Neuralgia. In a nutshell its a nerve along the neck/back of the skull that somehow gets pinches by a muscle that may have been torn or over used. They actually got so bad I was either incapacitated, passing out, hallucinating or shoving so many pills down my gob I was on high risk of overdose or about to drop dead from an overdoes. Trust me it happened more then it should have. I also struggled with work a lot because of a certain staff member that was constantly at me. One time during one of these attacks. I was on high alert for suicide as I was extremely suicidal.

To sum up the pain it is worse then giving birth and also 100x worse then a Cluster headache. Clusters only affect the front of the face. Mine however affected not just the front but the side and back.

The pain actually seems to originat from the Nuebal Ridge at the back of the skull. This Pain is caused by the Nerve being damaged and usually you have to rest up a lot before it goes away.

I started using a contorted pillow that provides accurate support for my head and during an attack I legit have to lay on my back with either some slight heat, or one of those anti-inflamitory gels like deep heat. I also have a neural gel I can take that has some hot chilli in it. Lets just say I may or may not have accidentally maced myself with it at one point. So just imagine...John accidentally macing himself.

When I informed my doctor of the trigger point of pain he also agreed with me on this being nerve pain. In my post I linked I mentioned getting a CT scan done. It came back perfectly fine and showed no trauma or any means of damage. Sadly doesn’t show the nerve though. They were not looking at it to begin with so yeah.

But I found the more pain killers I took the worse the actual nerve pain would get. So I had to kinda ride it all out. I was just thankful I was doing night work then and the attacks mostly occurred during the day. Though I smelt like that horrible deep heat gel.

I did also become even more highly suicidal due to one of the staff members at work that had it out for me. Same one I mentioned before. It was a very big issue through work place as some nasty things occurred and I almost slit my wrists at work. Ikr, its not pleasant, but when my mind gets in that frame...its just hard to come out of it or think about other things. People always tell me its a mind over matter, but truth is its not.

For most part of it I was ok, a few hiccups here and there. I spent most of my time either on Hidans blog or on Rahabs blog. Though eventually that passed. There is also the fact that again Work is becoming very stressful. They took me off night work and ended up giving me either one or two shifts per week if that. Up until recently, they gave me a few here and there but its not much and then suddenly I’ve gotta cover some nightshifts.

Its the result of being a casual worker. You see someone whos part-time that wants my shifts can take them away without warning.

But fear not currently looking at getting a job else were. Even some I work with are in the exact same boat. Things just don’t look good for the company so I’d rather not go down with the ship.

I also started getting pain in my neck and back of my head again. It could be the possible start of another attack coming up but I’m doing a lot of work to try and avoid it. Its more then likely being caused by work as I recently came back onto day shifts and that’s when it started after I had to lift someone that really shouldn’t be lifted manually by hand but rather transferred via proper lifters and equipment.

There has also been some drama that involved a few loses. I became very stressed, angry and upset. Although I’m glad I have some amazing friends that are super supportive and helpful. Also the people that have helped me get back my Muse for both Eddie and John. Hence why Johns back.

I think its good to get away from toxic stuff and find some positive in life and I’m glad I’m able to keep moving forward and making new friends daily.

Now I also know the fandoms a bit dead but for those that are still ‘loyal followers’ I thought this would be a great update for you all. To know yep I’m still here kicking about. I might have been inactive on here but I’ve been on tumblr for a while. Also I want to reach out to others and say HEYO my dudes! Cause this short ass, airplane loving boi is back :D With tea!

#{ooc}; voice of the mun #TW: sucide mention #Mun update #Don't worry I'm all good :)

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pockpop · 6 years ago

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got7 reaction to finding out you’re pregnant

↬ requested? yeheet

↬ genre: fluffy fluff you feel me, a bit of angst here and there

• •

mark:

“hey so um, when do you think you’ll be home?” you asked through the phone that was balanced between your ear and shoulder. you heard mark hum through the receiver, ignoring the sound of his footsteps crunching in the background.

“ah soon baby, why? something wrong?” you took a deep breath as you shuffled through the mail,finding your pregnancy test results envelope at the bottom. as you opened it quickly, you stuttered out a “just wondering, i miss you a lot.” your eyes glossed over the doctor’s letter, your heart hammering against your chest when it read that the tests came out positive.

you were so caught up in the letter, you didn’t hear mark entering your apartment. when his warm arms wrapped around your waist, his lips instinctively kissing your neck, you jumped at the contact. quickly you folded the letter up and turned in his arms.

“hey,” mark started, reaching up to cup your chin, his brown eyes searching yours.”you’re really bad at hiding your feelings you know?”

you laughed breathlessly and handed him the letter. taking one more glance at you, he read the letter and it seemed like forever before he finally said anything, the quiet eating you alive.

“do you know how far along you are?” he asked, folding the letter blindly, his attention fully on you. “are you feeling alright? is there anything you-” he trailed off when you wrapped your arms around his torso and hugged him tightly. mark hugged you back, “damn y/n, we’re going to be parents,” he murmured and you nodded numbly, but the peaceful moment didn’t last before mark was sweeping you off your feet bridal style, pressing a chaste kiss to your forehead.

“since i already gave you one, i might as well give you another one,” he said with a shrug, heading down the hall to your bedroom, “mark! it doesn’t work like that!”

jaebum:

he was doing his part of the chores, dumping all the trash in your house, humming along to the song you were blasting from your speaker. as he was dumping the bathroom trash some fell, missing the bag in his hand. groaning, he leaned down to pick up the makeup wipes and things when he noticed the pregnancy test stick. slowly, he picked it up, his brown eyes widening at the sight of the two lines.

“hey are you-” you paused in the doorway seeing him holding the stick, your heart falling to the bottom of your stomach. “jaebum...i’ve been meaning to tell you about that.” you voice sounded so small compared to earlier. jaebum looked at you in complete shock and you bit your lip,”how far along are you, y/n?”

“about two months now..”

“two- oh my god.” he dropped the stick and the trash bag before embracing you in his arms,”oh my god i’m going to be a dad!” he leaned back and placed a a hand on your stomach with the brightest smile on his face.

“a mini us is growing in your stomach!” you giggled as he gently touched your stomach. looking back up to you, he frowned before mushing your forehead,”hey!”you protested rubbing your forehead.

“how could you keep this away from me for so long?”

“i didn’t know how to tell you, okay? i wasn’t even sure if i wanted it..” jaebum’s gaze softened at your words and easily he brought you back into his arms. “i don’t want you to do that, but i can’t tell you what to do with your body... but it would be nice to have someone else around here calling me daddy you know.”

you gasped and punched his arm,”i can’t stand you!” you exclaimed as jaebum chuckled to himself,”i saw my shot and i took it...but at least really think about it okay?” you nodded and let him give you a kiss.

jackson:

“jackson, jackson wake up.” you said nudging him and eventually he rolled over with a aggravated moan, his eye cracking open to see you sitting beside him. “what-” he paused when you showed him a pregnancy test, he reached for the test groggily,

“don’t touch that part!” you erupted yanking the pregnancy test tip away from jackson’s grasp, the half-awake rapper was definitely up now and let you slowly bring the test back to him, showing the plus sign that proved you were indeed pregnant. he stared at the test then at you then the test again, groaning, you dropped the test down and stomped off to the bathroom, jackson was slowly rising off the bed when you came back. he was even more shook when you dropped ten more tests on the bed. but jackson didn’t even care for the other tests, his gaze was on you, trembling in the wee early morning hours and from your sniffling and puffy eyes, you had been crying. sitting back down on the bed, jackson grasped your wrist and pulled you in between his legs. instinctively he placed his head gently against your stomach.

“its so silent in here for carrying a mini you. you’re loud as fuck.” he teased, even through your tears a laugh escaped your lips and you ran your fingers through his messy hair.

“what are we going to do? we have so many plans and now-”

“and now what?” he questioned sitting up and looking you dead in the eye,”those plans are still going to happen, with a little clone of us by our side! baby we’re going to be fine.” he grasped your hands and kissed both of them,”now get these pee stained tests off our sheets so we can go to bed, its cuddle time.”

jinyoung:

“should we keep it? are we even ready for this? j, i don’t know what to do.” you confessed slumping down onto your bed, jinyoung had been quiet the entire time, his hands stuffed deep in his pockets in thought. when you noticed his cold stature, you groaned covering your face with your hands. “if you don’t want to be apart of this, i understand, jinyoung. i can figure it out.”

you were surprised when you felt his strong hands grip your wrists and pull then from your face so you could see him kneeling in front of you. “you didn’t make this baby by yourself so why would i ever leave all this to you?” he placed his hand gently against your stomach, a sweet smile growing on his face.

“nice to meet you little one, i’m your dad.” he whispered, you place your hand on top of his and he intertwined your fingers. “you know i’ve already felt the kick, so this automatically means he or she is definitely in favor of me.”

“they aren’t even fully formed yet! how could you possibly feel a kick?”

“trust me, i’m a expert here.”

“i call bullshit.”

“language! i don’t want our child around that type of environment” he chastised playfully. you couldn’t help but smile at that,our child

youngjae:

you and youngjae had been discussing early on in your marriage about starting a family, especially since the group was on hiatus and he had just finished his military service. you had started trying to have a baby in secret and the first few attempts had been so unsuccessful and at first youngjae was becoming discouraged. but finally after going to the doctor while he was in the studio, you found out you were indeed six weeks pregnant and rushed home to tell him.

“are you serious? like forreal? forreal?” when you only nodded your head slowly, youngjae tackled you in a hug, kissing all over your face and ignoring your laughs and protests before he would start ranting like crazy.

“oh shit this is really happening. okay we’ve gotta start getting doctor appointments going, planning the room, oh no and the baby shower, oh and how will we tell our parents and families because you know they are-” when you cut him off with a kiss, he’d melt just a little, taking a huge deep breath.

“you’re stressing me out jae, relax, okay?”

he’d cup your face and lean his forehead against yours, nodding in response.”i feel like the luckiest man alive.”

bambam:

you two weren’t trying to have kids anytime soon, not that you weren’t ready but because you had so much focus on your careers, there wasn’t even time for a discussion. but after not seeing each other for a while and spending a few days in bed with each other and doing ya know grown folks business, symptoms had begun to show a few weeks later. after a doctor’s visit and lost of thinking, you broke the news to bambam that you were already a month or so along.

“damn, does this mean i’ve gotta marry you now?”

he’d start laughing so hard when you pushed him away from you, obviously not amused. “this isn’t funny babe! everything’s going to change now.”

bambam would still smile at you and kiss your forehead

“so what if it does? we’re going to be alright, i didn’t put in all that work for nothing.”

bambam would start laughing again when you pushed him away just as hard as the first time and tried to escape his grasp. though he was joking around about it, he was scared of the fact he was actually bringing a child into the world and knowing that this was a huge responsibility, it weighed heavily on his mind. but he knew you were scared too and he wasn’t going to show any weakness, striving to be strong and support you and his baby.

yugyeom:

when you found out you were pregnant, you were scared af due to the fact you both were so young and you didn’t believe either of your were ready for that responsibility. it took some time for you to get up the guts to tell him, resulting in you putting distance between you and yugyeom - which didn’t roll over well with him. homeboy was blowing up your phone, your mama’s phone, your siblings phone, he was scared as shit because you were ghosting him.

so one day he showed up at your house, barging in on you stress eating and asked what the hell was going on. when you finally spilled that you were pregnant, yugyeom bent down in front of you, hands rubbing your knees

“wait - wait, there’s a little me growing inside of you?”

“well yes yugyeom, when you put your mini me inside of me without protection, that tends to happen.”

when he started smiling at you, your confusion was pretty evident, yugyeom would pull you into a warm hug.

“damn, i thought you had died or something. either way we’re gonna get through this together like we’ve done everything else.“

#got7 reactions #got7 imagines #got7 scenarios #got7 bambam #got7 jb #im jaebum #bambam #park jinyoung #got7 yugyeom #got7 jackson #got7 mark #got7 jinyoung #mark tuan #jackson wang #kim yugyeom #choi youngjae #got7 youngjae #poc kpop #ambw kpop

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withered-rose-unbreakable-lotus · 6 years ago

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Hey, what do you think is behind the decline in interest in VK in the West? It’s ridiculous how much the fandom has died down. Is it just because of the rise of kpop and the general decline in interest in all sorts of rock? Or are other factors at play - like how toxic the fandom could be?

In my opinion, kpop doesn’t really have much to do with it. People liked visual kei because it was different. What I think is responsible, because I’ve seen many fans admitting they grew out of it because of it, is a list of things (bear with me, it’s gonna be long):

1) disbands: While disbands were always a big thing in the visual kei scene, with more and more people translating stuff for fans and, bands getting on social media used by mostly western fans, like facebook and twitter, more western fans were exposed to how often this actually happens. Some fans maybe thought that visual kei is dying because of it, but truth is, disbands were always there, with smaller bands we might have never heard of, because there was sooo little information for us back then. Also, many big names in the visual kei scene have disbanded the last 5 years, which is why many fans thought that putting so much devotion and spending money on sth that could be destroyed at any moment isn’t worth it. For example (I am sorry if I am not wording this well ^^’), I knew fans who left vkei because they were tired of liking a band and then these bands kept disbanding. There is no stability. American artists and kpop artists do not break up or retire that easily, you know? And some fans want that stability or become too hearbroken when having lost a band they’ve been supporting for 10 years, or sth, and don’t want to go through that anymore (it might sound a little bit too much or dramatic, but there are fans out there who genuinely feel things about these bands, they have found some short of shelter in them and their music, so losing that band might hurt a lot and the best way to move on is by cutting ties with anything like them). In my case, this is the reason I barely like new bands anymore. I like finding newbies and keeping an eye on them but I do not actively follow them unless I am convinced they are in it for the long run. And honestly, so far, I’ve been lucky with this, because most of the people I chose to follow are still around, either as bandmen or sth else, or trying with new bands that I happen to like. Of course, I have lost some favorites too but I get it. It’s a hard life to live and, some people eventually change their mind, but not every fan feels this way and if they do, they try to “retire“ from the whole thing like their favorite artists and move on with their life. (I am in no way saying that a bandman shouldn’t leave his band when he feels like it, even if he is 20 years active. It’s their life, their rules and we should all respect that, but it seems to be hard for many people to do so, sometimes)

2) fandom. Like you mentioned, fandoms can be toxic. It happens with every fandom, though, not just visual kei, so I wouldn’t like to point fingers, especially because I’ve been lucky enough to meet some of my best friends through the fandom, most of whom aren’t even in it anymore. :P I can tell you with certainty that our lack of translators is entirely the fandom’s fault, though. People just don’t get what reblog or share with credits means and some people grow tired of it, you know? Contrary to common belief, translating a video of 30 minutes or an entire interview might take someone more than just a day, maybe even a week, and if people don’t respect that, then unfortunately the translator has to cut being nice to everyone and continue being a fan in privacy (they don’t get paid for this, they got their jobs, their families, but still wish to spend time sharing sth they love with others and helping them learn more about it through translating, even though, between us, some of those translations are illegal because we need permission to translate magazine stuff etc (a visual kei artist once said that, saying yes translations are great but guys be careful because some things are copyrighted and you might get in trouble), but some people just wish to take and take without helping others get to the initial source to find out more, too. I think there are still many visual kei fans out there, they just no longer blog about it because they want to enjoy it by themselves and without the negativity and opinions of anyone else. I started as a private fan for example. I liked fangirling on my own, I didn’t want anyone to intervene with that because it was my sole way of having fun, I didn’t want anyone to ruin it for me, but eventually, I wanted to help the bands spread their info beyond their social media and I am currently running 3 fanpages, 1 of which is on hiatus. I still get shit while doing that, by the way, there are still know-alls among us but I am not going to let anyone spoil it for me. So to cut everything short, I think that fandom could have played its role as to why so many left and why those of us left, became so quiet.

3) Some people might bite for this one but it’s a mixture of “Mainstream“ and “platform“. I believe the best people to talk about this are old-schoolers. When bands like A9 and the Gazette entered the scene, most old school visual kei fans had already started barking about the fact those bands were copying their predecessors and that they don’t really make cool music (they were making shallow stuff for their tastes, aka mainstream stuff). Truth is that, fans of that “new/2nd generation“ visual kei era are acting like old-schoolers did, when their faves came out, to the newbies coming out now, aka people following bands like Xaa Xaa or Kizu. But if you pay close attention you might notice this: When bands like A9 and the Gazette came about, old schoolers seemed to be very few among us, weren’t they? Many seemed to have disappeared and given up, because to them, visual kei was dead. Honestly, I follow many old schoolers right now. They are still around. They just don’t fangirl as loud as the rest of us do. They stick to old pics and the occasional updates from visual kei artists of that time that are still active like Sugizo, Malice Mizer members, Buck-Tick members, etc. This is what I see happening now too. There are still people listening to visual kei of the 2000s. They just aren’t loud enough and the new fans of visual kei are more present on twitter than here or facebook. Why? Because visual kei bands are also on twitter now and they can immediately fangirl on the posts of their favorites by retweeting the pics. (It also adds that some visual kei artists reply to those retweets either with words or likes) So yeah, I think we are few here now because many have moved to twitter and also because new bands sound mainstream to us fans of bands from the 2000s.

4) the Visual Kei scene. Ok, I am not that sure about this but I think it plays a role to this somehow. There are several visual kei artists that claimed visual kei is dead the last few years. I won’t name who cuz only one name comes to mind right now, but I know I had read it from many more people. I don’t know how the visual kei scene is like in Japan right now, but I know there are more bands forming than in the past, most of which are not serious about it (see bands disband within a year). This happened in the past, too, I don’t know to what extent though, but we didn’t know about those as much as those who actually had sth to say and still do to this day. I’ve heard artists complain that the new kids entering the scene have no concept. That all they care about is looking cool and nothing else. They are lucky to have more means of promoting their stuff, though. Twitter reaches out to western fans, some bands get a music video from their first release and maybe cool costumes from their first release, things that bands of older times would beg for, when they started. And still these kids do not use those means as creatively as they could so, they fail to impress the old fans enough to get an active following that fangirls about them everywhere. Not all new bands. But most. Like, Kizu, for example seem to have a vision (i am not their fan by the way, I have just seen some of their stuff and they seem to be in it for real). So, the result of all this, is fans getting bombarded by 100 new bands each year and having hard time sticking to anything. So they just retweet sth and comment about it and that’s it. They do not get into long talks about music or concept or anything because most of these bands have no concept. I dunno, I think it plays a role. And also, sth that I hadn’t thought about and was also brought up on twitter. Some big venues have closed in Japan the last two years and due to the big amount of bands wishing to perform, they are all struggling to find dates to perform. In other words, there is so much competition right now that if you aren’t a big name by now, you gotta wait in line for scheduling your lives. One of my favorite bands was like “yeah no live this week, everything was closed.“ and I was surprised. Also big events have stopped happening. I don’t know if you had experienced that but there was a time Nico Nico, the channel had several bands hosting their own shows. It was mostly PSC bands that did that but due to tough schedule it stopped. There was also the Xmas live, a festival with many bands which was broadcasted each year and that I’ve heard nth about the last two years. The show does still happen they just don’t broadcast it anymore. There was another festival called Stylish Wave. That stopped being broadcasted too so many events that were broadcasted for free are no longer happening so this is why I am saying that we’ve lost lots of the hype from Japan’s side too. I knew so many people who were looking forward to such events and then we’d all gif everything and translate stuff. It’s no longer there though. Only one interview show is still broadcasted on Nico Nico for free, the rest is paid stuff.

So yeah, all in all, these are the basics that I think played an important role in losing western fandoms. Of course, this is just my opinion, many people might disagree. Thank you for the question, I am always glad to exchange opinions on visual kei stuff. ^^

#mdp #reply #answered

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