#though I have so much other stuff planned holy damn

[dr-spectre]

Hello everyone, I got some announcements to share and some plans for the future of this blog now that the Grand Fest is over and the news drought begins.

(LONG POST AHEAD!!!!)

I think going forward I'm gonna change how I approach myself acting online and be less "OH MY GOD HOLY SHITENWIOEDISIWIEOE GUYYS!!!"

Because to be honest with you all... I've been feeling very self conscious about the way that I've been acting online and I feel like I gotta channel my passion for Splatoon in a much more healthy and less EXTREMEEEEE way.

I am aware that um.... people have blocked me... and you know, that's to be expected of course when you are online and you're slowly building a following. Still really stings, though, and I think it's due to the fact that sometimes I can be sorta- "This is what happened, and if you disagree with me, you're an idiot and you're wrong!!!!!" When I make posts. And I don't wanna do that, and I don't want to come off as a gatekeeping fan that thinks lower of other people who might not know my stances very well. I wanna educate people and present my stuff as more of "Hey guys, this is what I think actually happened in this event. Feel free to take a look! I think this is really cool and I wonder what you guys think of this perspective that i have?"

And sometimes I can be pretty loud mouthed and stuff and I have talked shit towards certain characters. I remember one time I made a post where I said "what the fuck is wrong with Marie?" And said some stuff... I probably rubbed a lot of people the wrong way with that post... and other posts. I'm so sorry if I have made some of you upset in the past or have said some awful things about your favourite characters in the series...

As you guys probably know, I am passionate about Hypno Callie and I have very strong stances and opinions on her. And that leads to me get a bit... out of control. Callie is my biggest comfort character and to see certain people try and push this vile and disgusting event that happened to her... that she was kidnapped by Octavio and the Octarians when she was alone, and that he brainwashed her and forcibly put the shades on her, or he tricked her and he removed her memories too...

and I try to see the same event in a completely different lens... I see it as more of Octavio manipulating her in a more subtle way and due to Callie's poor mental state and desperation, she heard him out. Octavio used the shades as a way to control her more easily but he doesnt have full direct control over her because her influence helped motivate the Octarians. Octavio still wanted Callie to be... well... Callie. Plus, Callie was more than willing to help the Octarians as well, as she thinks they are cute. I do have evidence to back it up as well as articles and definitions explaining how hypnosis actually works and its limitations.

But this perspective gets compromised and put into question in my head when people keep pushing and pushing and PUSHING the other thing. Then it feels like I have to yell and get mad.... I've seen it as recently as when Blushing Tide came out and I looked at the YouTube comment section on one of the uploads and I just kept seeing people say "oh it's like Tidal Rush but without the brainwashing" or some shit like that idk. I dont remember it well but i know I saw the word floating around. (Don't look at YouTube comment sections. You won't get anything of value from them.)

Anyways, I also wanna cut back on swearing too because sometimes I border on being a hazbin hotel character and I DO NOT want myself to get to that level LMAO!

So what shall I be doing now that Splatoon 3 is officially wrapped up? Well... I wanna do more creative projects and fun stuff like that. I got good reception from my haikus for the Grand Fest and I think doing more stuff like that sounds really really fun!!! And it might actually give me a reason to finish stuff as well lol...

Like I have a God damn Splatoon 2 hero mode finale rewrite that's nearly done and it's been sitting on my Google docs since JULY!!!! I have also made plans to do a fan sequel to the Squid Sisters Stories that takes place in between Splatoon 2 and 3 because that time frame for the Squid Sisters has been barely touched upon. I'm also doing a personal project where it's basically what I want to see out of a Splatoon 4 and I've been really enjoying making that. I dont know if I would ever share it but... it's something to do for me at least.

I also wanna involve myself in the community more, I received an ask where someone said (I forgot who asked I'm so sorry) if I could do a thing where I receive Splatoon OCs and critique them. That sounds really fun!!!

Maybe i can do photo mode competitions or showcases!!! Where I choose a theme (Callie, water, Splatsville, etc) and people submit their photos and I critique them and showcase them to everyone!!! Does that sound like something people would be interested in?! I would love to know as virtual photography is a hobby I love to partake in and I wanna encourage more people to try it!

There is also other stuff i can do like going over the Idols outfits and rating them, but I don't have the motivation to do that at the moment and I know it's not gonna be as in-depth as the one I did for Callie.

Anyhow, that's basically what I have so far. I think im gonna slow down on posting and I'm gonna chill out. Or at least I'll try to chill out.

I've just been feeling incredibly guilty and kinda... sad that I've been acting in a certain way for a while. And I really wanna change that. I dont like making people upset and I don't wanna be the kind of Splatoon fan that puts down others who don't even know any better and don't know who I am....

But enough being sad, I wanna focus on the present and make sure that my future on here is bright!!!

[hoomandoescosplay]

Offline | Velvette x Reader Oneshot

“I have snacks.” I cheer as I open Velvette’s bedroom door. I readjust my grip on all of the snacks in my arms, looking towards her. “Oh hell yeah.” Velvette says, her phone in hand. “Come in, I’ll make room for ya.”

I quickly take a seat next to her on her bed before releasing everything from my arms. All the snacks pile up on top of us as I grin at her. Velvette laughs as the snacks all pile up on them. “Damn, did you bring the whole snack selection or something?”

As she starts looking through them I snatch her phone from her. “We can’t have a good girls night without an overload of snacks, love.” I snicker. “And you’re offline for the rest of the night. No more phone.”

“Oh come on..” She says with a huff, crossing her arms. “I was texting Vox..” I roll my eyes at her. “Vox can survive a few hours without you. And if he can’t then he can go find Val and suck his dick or something.” I pocket her phone in the back of my jeans before grabbing a random snack.

“We haven’t had a girls night in forever Vel. You won’t even realize how long you’ve been without your phone.” Velvette dramatically lays back and groans. “Ugh, fine..” She says, rolling her eyes. “But I’m only doing this because I love you. You know that, right?”

My face heats up slightly making me silently curse. “I love you too.” I respond quickly before grabbing another snack and throwing it at her. “What’s the plan for tonight anyway?”

After Velvette sits back up, she crosses her legs. “I was thinking we could raid my closet and try on outfits. Watch some dumb romance movies, gossip.. normal girls night type stuff y’know?”

“I’m so down for that.” I open the chip bag I’m holding and start to eat them. “After I eat these though.” Velvette chuckles. “Alright, we’ll do outfit raiding after you’re done stuffing yourself with chips, you gremlin.”

“You’re too kind to me.” I say as I laugh at the nickname. “Damn right I am. I’m such a saint, I honestly deserve a reward for putting up with your snacking habits.” She says sarcastically.

I gasp dramatically. “I snack a normal amount, thank you very much.” I then place another chip in my mouth. “You snack more than me, which is a sin honestly.” She jokes, also grabbing a chip and eating it.

“Hey there are worse sins than gluttony.” I shrug as I tilt the chip bag in her direction. “Mm.. you have a point. I guess I’ll let it slide this time. Just for you.” She grabs a few more chips before grabbing the chip bag out of my hand and putting it on her bed side table. “Okay, snack break over. Time to raid my closet.”

“Alright alright. Let’s play dress up.” I laugh as I stand up from her bed. “Perfect.” Velvette says, standing up as well. “You know the drill, pick out whatever you want. I want to see you in something absolutely fierce. Like, something that will make others look at you and say, ‘holy hell, that girl is hot’.”

I give her a small salute as she pulls me into her enormous walk-in closet. “Yes ma’am.” “You know where everything is so feel free to dig through whatever you want. I have a few ideas for outfits I want you to try on, so I’ll also be picking out stuff here and there.”

Velvette starts digging through the dresses in her closet, already finding a few she wants to see me in. I can’t help but glance at her every so often as I start to look for outfits as well.

She occasionally glances over at me every so often as well making me smile. I can see she already has a few outfits she wants to have me try, and each one just gets… more revealing.

As I continue to look I feel her phone buzz in my pocket. I let out a small sigh as I pull it out and see that Vox is calling. I glance towards her one more time before answering it. “Velvette is busy but I can totally take a message.” I say innocently.

Velvette’s eyes widened when I answered her phone, immediately realizing what was going on. “(Y/N).” On the other line, Vox was confused upon hearing the unfamiliar voice respond. He paused for a moment before responding. “Uh.. who is this?”

“Aww boo does she not talk about me?” I whine playfully. “She talks about you and Val a lot. Guess she doesn’t love me.” I sigh dramatically. Vox chuckled. “Oh, I think I know who you are. You’re (Y/N), right?” Velvette was about to snatch her phone back from me when he said that, making her pause.

“Ding ding ding. Look at that, the TV is pretty smart.” I continue to tease as Velvette and I circle each other. Vox laughs a bit more. “What are you doing answering her phone, anyway?”

Velvette was getting annoyed now, and starting to reach for her phone again. I dodge her attempts, continuing to talk to Vox. “I told her she’s offline for the night.”

Vox snorts on the other line. “Did you really?” Velvette finally manages to snatch her phone out of my hands, and pins me against the wall. My face immediately turns red from our position. “Hey-” I start off as I try to collect myself.

“We had an agreement Vel.” I whine as I stare at her. God she’s extremely close to me right now. “I never agreed to that, and you know it.” She says, getting closer to me, her face inches from mine.

On the phone, Vox was quiet. “Uh.. am I interrupting something…?” Somehow my face heats up even more from his words. Velvette moves closer still, basically pinning me between her and the wall. She holds her phone up to her ear. “You could say that, yeah.”

Once again, Vox is quiet on the other end for a few moments. “Uhh, should I hang up or-?” Velvette and I stare at each other before she responds. “Nah no need.”

“You sure? Because I feel like I’m interrupting something.” Vox says, still confused. Velvette’s gaze turns back to me and she smiles, her nose almost touching mine now. A small squeak escapes me.

He laughs as he hears me. “Yeah, definitely interrupting something.” Velvette lets out a small chuckle, her lips almost brushing against mine. My breath hitches as my eyes dart between her eyes and lips. What the hell is happening right now?

Vox continues to chuckle. “Vel, is she blushing?” Velvette smiles at the question, her thumb tracing my cheek gently. “Oh, she definitely is.” My eyes narrow at their teasing. “Fuck off both of you.” Vox laughed again as I said that. “Damn, she’s feisty.”

“You have no idea.” Velvette says. She still hasn’t moved, her gaze still fixated on me, studying my every feature. My hands grab her waist pulling her in closer. “Love ya but I didn’t sign up for a threesome.”

At that, Vox laughs even harder. “Oh my God-” I start to laugh as well. “Settle down, dumbass. I’m not interested.” She directs to Vox. Her hand is still pressed up against the wall trapping me, but my hands on her waist make her eyes widen a bit, still staring into mine.

I let out of my hands trail up her body until it grips her phone. “As fun as this was, Vox I think she’s going to hang up now.” Vox laughs even more, completely enjoying this. “Oh by all means-” Before he can finish his sentence, I hang up the call and toss the phone.

“Much better.” I say happily before my gaze darkens. “As interesting as a threesome would be, you gotta communicate a bit more.” I tease. “Is that so?” Velvette says, a smirk on her face. “So you’d be into that, huh?”

“I said nothing of the sort.” I grin as I stare at her. “You said a threesome would be interesting.” She says, bringing her face closer to mine. “Which means you have at least some interest in it, darling.”

“I’m more interested in when you developed feelings for me.” I say lowly. Velvette is slightly caught off-guard by my question, her eyes widening for a second but she quickly regains her composure. “And if I said awhile ago?”

“Then I’d say I’m as blind as a fucking bat.” I laugh slightly. “Maybe you are.” She says with a shrug. “Or, I’m just the master at hiding my feelings for you.” I hum in thought. “I thought my feelings were one-sided this whole time.”

“You did?” She says as her hands come to rest on my shoulders. “Darling, I thought mine were one-sided. I thought you were completely uninterested in me in that way.”

I pull her in closer, wrapping my arms around her waist, and resting my head in the crook of her neck. “Were both fucking idiots oh my god.” Velvette laughed, wrapping her arms around me in return. “Looks like it.” She lets out a content hum before speaking again. “Damn, we’re both dumb as hell… We could’ve been making out ages ago.”

I lift my head up as I give her a sly smile. “Never too late to start.” Velvette smiles back at me. “I like the way you think.” Without another word, her lips press to mine, her hands moving up from my shoulders to my face, caressing my jaw while mine are still wrapped around her waist, keeping her close.

My hands grip her hips tighter as I deepen the kiss. Velvette’s tongue brushes against my bottom lip and after a moment I part my lips, letting her tongue explore my mouth.

Her hands grip my face a bit tighter as she kisses me harder. When she finally pulls back, she chuckles slightly. “Damn, you’re a good kisser, darling.” I can’t help but laugh at her words.

“All because I took away your phone. Being offline can be beneficial sometimes, love.” She rolls her eyes but she’s smiling. “Yeah, yeah, I’ll give you that one. It was worth giving up my phone for a bit just for that.”

[tossawary]

Looking up some things has turned into reading the last 100 or so chapters of the "Naruto" manga for fun, because why not. Some random assorted notes so far (as of finishing Chapter 661):

This end fight is so fucking long, there are so many characters, and the pacing is bordering on excruciating. There's some stuff happening here that's delicious, but there's a lot of messy back and forth of the narrative focus that I personally am not fully vibing with. I cannot imagine trying to follow this split story weekly. This is common enough to a lot of big shounen mangas.

I generally like the basic artstyle here (the use of white and black especially), but the quality of page composition, panel composition, and scene clarity generally is obviously suffering heavily from these chapters being pushed out too quickly. I can barely tell some characters apart and some panels are just messes of lines. This is also common enough among mangas, so eh, it's also whatever.

It's kind of funny to me how Hashirama and Tobirama and Minato suddenly become major characters for like a solid 30 chapters or so. Like, yeah, I can see why Founders Era fic is popular. The flashback chapters themselves are pretty short, but Madara is one of the main villains in this fight, and the undead Senju brothers are suddenly here to kick ass on a level apparently far beyond most other characters. The grudges and betrayal here are delicious. These are also the people who founded Konoha itself, the main location of the manga for hundreds of chapters now, honestly not that many generations ago. It also helps that the Founders feel like they have nicely complete tragic arcs and lives to work with, instead of the relatively open-ended narrative mess that the main Naruto characters live in.

Also, Hashirama can definitely act the idiot and I think some of his choices / opinions are stupid as hell, but he's obviously a very clever and observant and ruthless person. Tobirama went on to become Hokage after his brother and will not hesitate to forcefully give his opinions, but it's also clear in some scenes that Hashirama is still the one in charge between them. Tobirama seems to fairly naturally fall into a very useful support role to whoever he's fighting with, including Minato and Naruto.

I like both Minato and Tobirama because I have a weakness for characters who engage with their magic systems to make new things. Minato improved on the Flying Thunder God technique and Orochimaru improved on the Edo Tensai technique, but Tobirama invented BOTH of those things? PLUS Shadow Clones??? All of which are basically carrying a significant part of the battle right now? Like, damn, Hashirama has his Mokuton, and Tobirama was stubbornly like, "Not being left behind. Fuck you."

So, yeah, the "Hashirama versus Madara", "Tobirama versus Madara", "Minato (plus Naruto & Tobirama) versus Obito", and "Kakashi versus Obito" are probably my favorite parts of this. Not knocking on Naruto or Sasuke or the large background mob of characters here, but they just do not have the same personal, ugly, emotional history in this fight, so I don't really care as much.

Ino can forcibly link hundreds of unknown minds together so Shikamaru can broadcast battle plans??? Holy shit??? The vibe I'm getting is that she was using the link apparently created by Naruto's chakra to do this, but still. Both Ino and Sakura have the potential to be incredibly OP badass characters and they are generally just... Not Allowed to take the spotlight here.

Shikamaru had this big dramatic chapter about surviving to become Naruto's future advisor someday, and I had to repress the urge to holler, "Gaaaaay!" at the screen. I do love the inherent homoeroticism of a right-hand man. (Also, *waves a hand vaguely* Gaara's whole everything.)

To be honest, though, I'm not even sure what Sasuke has spent the past fifty chapters doing. He's there! He sure is there! I think he just got stabbed, so now he gets to be emotional motivation for Naruto again. As far as I understand it, not being sure what Sasuke is actually doing sums up basically everything he does in the manga. There are too many characters here.

On that note, the vibe I'm getting from Orochimaru is that he's also mostly just here to spectate. Like, yeah, I know. Characters like Orochimaru and Sakura and Tsunade are keeping everyone alive with their bare fucking hands right now, but also, give Orochimaru some opera glasses and an alcoholic beverage and it wouldn't feel that out of place.

I'll probably have more to add at some point, but these are the (not that serious) notes off the top of my head.

[levi-my-beloved]

The Ackerbond Chapter 6: The Ackerbond Divides

Pairing: Canon!Levi x F!Reader

Warnings: SMUT, honestly might just leave that as is but uh yeah SMUT, couples fighting™️, honestly I wrote so much of this so long ago I don't remember but like violence and stuff I'm pretty sure,

A/N: i have nothing but apologies to offer and maybe some updates like I graduated... yaaaaaaay....... that and I've been obsessed with a promiscuous pansexual vampire twink since august iykyk

oh also also, sorry for the millions of mistakes that this is likely riddled with <3

Taglist: @levmada @awesomeness1679 @purplecandygerl @iam-thevillain-of-thisstory @pluvio-pluto @midnightbarnes97 @aresclouds @imkumichan @xxpadfootxx @cmjh3 @justa19 @notgoodforlife @leviackermanmyhero245 @kaea-peverall @jakillski @macaronnv @natalie-skz @oldtownwonderland @snailsposts @lunardeiity @clusiesuzie @hi-imkaiya @isabellawigginss @ackermandick @orionsalos @disaster-writer @temariskadi @nariko1989 @elizaack @dixie-chick @death-by-bullseye @leviackermanst @poisonpeche @arcticcashew @feelingsandemotionsnotexplored @littleagxs @wall-maria-fritz

Annie Leonhart. That was her name. One of the 104th cadets who chose the Military Police. That was the girl who ripped your family away from you. Just one girl. Fuck’s sake. You’d barely had time to recover after losing your family. But whilst the devil works hard, Erwin Smith works harder, already having an idea as to who the Titan was, and also a plan as to how to capture her.

And it had almost worked without consequence. Almost. But Annie was smarter than you all realised, and transformed before Armin could convince her underground. You’d been ordered to stay out of combat, by both Erwin and Levi. But so many were dying… so many were getting between the Scouts and their target that you didn’t have a choice. You didn’t do much, just scoop civilians out of the way, as many as you could. Though your body now screamed at you for it. 

Worth it. 

You stood before your enemy’s crystal. How could she look so peaceful after what she did? After the thousands she murdered. How could she look so damn content? You grit your teeth, molars grinding against molars. So much had happened as a result of the conflict.

Like a fucking Titan in the wall. You’d all seen it before Pastor Nick came running up. What the hell that sleazy holy man had been keeping from you, you were sure Hange could get it out of him. They were good at that sort of thing. 

Light footsteps echoed in the cellar. Not that you needed footsteps to tell when he was nearing you. You knew from the feeling alone. There was a tangible moment of silence before either of you spoke.

“I know.”

Levi quirked a brow, stepping up beside you. Unlike you, he wasn’t in uniform. The damage to his leg was worse than any of you realised, and he’d too been ordered to recover. “I didn’t even say anything.” 

A gentle scoff flew from your lips, your eyes sliding from Annie to Levi. “You didn’t need to. I could tell by your vibes.” 

It was Levi’s turn to laugh slightly, his arm wrapping around your side, keeping you near him. He knew what you were thinking. Could hear your thoughts from the other side of the damn city. You had yet to test the range of the bond, but it was nice to know it was further than just the barracks or however far away you were on the 57th. Staying silent, he waited for you to continue. 

“She took everything, and she just gets to sleep. How is that fair…?” You asked quietly, fighting tooth and nail to keep your brewing tears from sliding down your face. “And we’re left with more questions than answers even after capturing the bitch. We got nothing out of this. And Eld, he…” you trailed off, not quite able to voice the fact that his death was fruitless. All of theirs were. Petra, Gunther, Oluo… they all died for nothing. 

“No. He didn’t,” Levi tilted your head to face him with a finger beneath your chin, “we give their deaths meaning. You know that’s why we fight.” It was a conversation you’d had many times before, and even before you two were together. When caught up in the seemingly endless parade of grief, he would pull you out and give you something to fight for. 

“Yeah. I know…” was all you could say, looking back to the blonde. But Levi wasn’t having any of it, once again turning your head back to face him. You rolled your eyes, but couldn’t stop a smile from pulling at your lips. Always so persistent. “I’ll try to stop thinking about it, okay?” You bargained, earning yourself a sweet kiss on your forehead.

“Good. I’ll know if you don’t.” 

“How much time do you spend in my head?”

“Pretty much all of it.”

You couldn’t even be mad. You knew his own was just as haunted as yours. Maybe you would find equal solace in his mind as he did in yours. It was worth a shot. Not now, not yet, but sometime. 

Having not even noticed he’d led you away and back up the stairs, you were snapped out of your dark reverie by Hange approaching and looking uncharacteristically grim. 

“No luck?” you asked before they’d even spoken. Shaking their head, Hange sighed heavily. They looked more exhausted than you’d ever seen them, even after all-nighter Titan experiments they didn’t look this rough. 

“Not a damn thing. We’ve sent various messengers to outposts within Wall Rose territory. ” You hoped that meant Nanaba would be prepared. You hadn’t even had the chance to say goodbye before she rode off with the 104th. You guessed it made sense to keep them all separated just in case but you couldn’t help but curse the circumstances.

Fuck this week. 

It had been mere hours since the messenger came through, screaming about how Titans had somehow breached another fucking wall, and you could all only assume the Colossal or Armoured would have been the ones to do it. This was too much of a coincidence. You capture the Female, and all of a sudden there’s another breach? They had to be related. 

“Did Annie have any close friends within the 104th? Like, people she would often hang out with…?” you asked slowly, only now making the connection. And it seemed Hange was on the same wavelength. 

“I’ve already asked for a background check on her, should be with me within the next few days.” 

“Oh yeah, Erwin’s theory. If the Colossal and Armoured Titans are shifters too, it makes sense they would also be in the 104th.” Levi murmured, watching the exchange between you and Hange with something you knew was slight awe. Your brain had always been fast, but watching it paired with Hange’s was a spectacle to witness. It had him wondering just how many people you could silently communicate with.

–Just you. Don’t get jealous again.–

–The fact you can have a conversation out loud and also have one in your head simultaneously is fucking terrifying.–

He heard your snort in his mind, still watching you talk with Hange.

–It’s a gift.–

“So what can we do?” You asked Hange, trying not to send a smirk Levi’s way. It didn’t matter, he could feel your amusement anyway.

“We’re heading to Ehrmich District, Pastor Nick’s coming too and we’re taking Eren, Armin, and Mikasa with us.” They explained. You hadn’t really interacted with Armin or Mikasa all that much, but you knew the girl was an Ackerman. It could be a good opportunity to see if she had any insight into your situation with Levi, or if she feels something similar toward Eren. It was obvious enough she’d completely fallen in love with the boy, and since she shared a last name with Levi, maybe there was something there too?

Honestly, you were speculating.

–Don’t expect much from her. She wants me dead.–

–You beat the shit out of the man she loves, you’d be the same if someone kicked my tooth out.–

–...Understandable.–

“And you want us to come with you? Why?” you asked, once again refraining from looking at the man to your left. Which, you’d recently discovered, was almost impossible.

“Babysitting duty!” they informed you, way too cheerily. “I’ll be taking a group to look for the breach and since you're both off active duty for now, I thought it could be a cute couple’s activity to keep an eye on our Pastor.” 

You have never wanted to die more in your life than in this very moment. Were they fucking serious? Babysitting?

“I hate you–”

“So fucking much.” Levi finished, and you both looked at each other, knowing you just made it one thousand times worse by finishing each other’s sentence.

“See? You’re like a married couple already! Plus it’s Erwin’s orders so you can’t back out.” They clapped their hands together excitedly, looking between you as if they were witnessing a proposal. You were surprised how they could be so ecstatic considering the last few days, but Hange was always good at masking grief with insanity. You were glad you knew them so well.

“When are we heading out?” you asked, your voice completely monotone. If you were being completely honest with yourself, you knew you weren’t capable of just sitting and waiting to hear news. You knew Hange had done this for you because though the two of you were completely different, you had your similarities.

Like being unable to stay out of battle, for example. 

As for Levi, he was more sensible than the two of you combined. You knew he wasn’t being dragged along for your benefit alone, but you still appreciated it. Not that he would have stayed somewhere without you. Not yet anyway. The idea of being alone so soon just… he couldn’t.

“Sundown,” they confirmed, running a hand through their hair. “I have a few things to get done before then, but that should give me just enough time.” 

You placed a hand on your hip, clearly about to be here talking for longer than you were expecting to. “Oh? Like what?”

“I have a few tests to run,” you narrowed your eyes at them. “No! No, not on Eren, he’s still exhausted. On something else actually. I have a theory about that Titan crystal that I want to confirm before we leave.”

You nodded thoughtfully. There had been way too many firsts recently. The discovery of a possible four shifters within the 104th cadet corps, Titans in the walls, and now another fucking breach. And you had a terrible feeling this was just the beginning.

–I know.–

As per usual, Levi’s voice brought you no small degree of comfort. This time, you didn’t refrain from looking at him, a soft, grateful smile pulling at your lips. How any single person could be so fucking perfect, you would never know.

–Stop.–

–Hmm. Make me.–

–You’re ridiculous.–

–You’re hot.–

The next look Levi sent you was nothing short of withering as if he’d already grown tired of your bullshit. Which seemed impossible. He loved your bullshit!

–No, I really don’t.–

–Wait… really?– You asked, with a hint of genuine concern. 

Levi paused for a moment. Were you actually worried, or were you just trying to get him to admit that he actually did enjoy your bullshit? 

–...maybe sometimes.–

–HA! Knew it!– you responded, far too smugly for his liking. He suppressed the urge to sweep your leg. If only his own wasn’t badly injured…

“So, how does all of this work?”

You both snapped back to look at Hange, who you’d completely forgotten was there. It wasn’t the first time you’d been so caught up in your little mental conversation that you forgot about the verbal ones, but this was on a whole other level. Hange was right there, and you’d both just ignored them in favour of having your own private little chat.

“What uh– like uh, how does uhm– like– what do you, like, mean?”

–That was possibly one of the greatest butt-fumbles of a question you’ve ever asked.–

–Did you just say butt-fumble?!–

–Concentrate. Hange’s answering.–

–Oh shi- – 

“Well, everyone and their mother, dead or alive, can tell that there’s something deeper here. Deeper than your average cute lil’ relationship, I mean.”

“I will cut you and it will hurt.” 

It took you a minute to figure out who’d said that between you and Levi, having had the exact same thought.

Or was that a thought of his? It was getting hard to tell now. 

“Come on now Levi, ever since we caught your two cuddling on the floor–”

“I was bleeding out!” You protested with indignance. Honestly, Nanaba and Nifa had not stopped talking about that. You almost fucking died!

“An insignificant detail. But a few things have been running through my mind, the first being how could you,” they pointed to Levi, who looked ready to commit arson, “have possibly known she had blown her stitches?”

“I’m right fucking here…” you muttered, causing Levi to snort in your head.

“There was no way she could have told you, and nobody had entered her room since you had to kick the door in. Not only this but there was that day in the field too! We were mid-conversation and you just suddenly took off! Next thing I hear you’d managed to save her life,”

“I’m still right fucking here.” 

“So, how does this all work? Because you can’t be human with the things you’re able to do–”

“What?”

“–and he always manages to save your ass even when he didn’t know it needed saving five seconds beforehand!”

The air around you fell completely silent. You didn’t even begin to question how Hange had managed to work this much out already, because of course they did. This shouldn’t have come as such a surprise if you were being honest, and yet here you were, stunned into silence. 

Levi too found himself mentally floundering for a logical explanation. Because how the fuck would he explain how the bond between you worked when he himself barely knew. He could feel your pain, your pleasure, your emotions. He could see glimpses into a future where, had he failed, you died. Not to mention the fact you could both access a shared space within your combined souls where you couldn’t feel each other and that space could be morphed and crafted into anything. It could be a little cabin for just the two of you, or a giant open field with a lake like it was the first time. But no matter where you were, that glowing tree of pure light was always there. Always.

“What’s your theory?”

Levi turned to you, wide-eyed. Was this it? Were you about to tell them everything? How the bond worked, how it started, and how it’s going now?

Hange’s eyes glinted with newfound enthusiasm. You’d made it into a little game, and they’d picked up on it. It was obvious enough that something was going on between you and Levi, and they had so far guessed right, that this something wasn’t just surface level, and ran so much deeper than anybody could see. 

–Are you out of your fucking mind?–

You almost laughed aloud at the panic in Levi’s voice.

–Just trust me, okay?–

–If Four-eyes ends up running experiments on me, I will never forgive you–

Mischief radiated from the part of his soul that was occupied by you, and he grit his teeth. Fuck’s sake.

“My theory? Well, I haven’t had the time to properly work anything out, but I think Shorty here can do more than he lets on, but of course, you already know that, don’t you?” 

You held up your hands in innocence. “I’m not saying anything until I hear what you think is going on,” you countered, rather enjoying this new game you’d started, even if you knew it stressed the fuck out of your little soulbond. He would be totally fine… no real harm could come from Hange knowing a little more about your relationship. 

You were almost certain.

“Okay so what if, we know Levi has more than human abilities when it comes to fighting, so what if he had more than human abilities when it comes to love? What if his fighting skill wasn’t the only thing he excelled at. What if communication was something he could do on an insane level too?”

“That's ridiculous–”

“I’m listening…”

These synchronised responses were a tad suspicious, you would admit. And yet it only seemed to further Hange’s excitement in the two of you.

“Okay so! What if, hear me out, he could communicate with you, on like, another level…?”

–How crazy would that be?– Well that made it borderline impossible not to snort in Hange’s face.

–Levi…?–

–Mm?–

–Not helpful.–

“Like, how do you mean?” You were more than happy to bite. More than happy to entertain this with the slightest hint of sarcasm, hoping that would throw them slightly. Conversational politics, something you’d learned from Erwin many years ago. And though you still stand by the fact you weren’t brave enough for politics, it was still nice to use all that he’d taught you when he was your captain.

“So, and bear with me here, what if he could somehow communicate with you without anyone else hearing. Like, in your head or something?”

Your eyes widened slightly. Oh fuck, they really did have a lot figured out, didn’t they? You stared at them for a moment, both hearing and feeling Levi freak the fuck out. This wasn’t exactly how you were expecting this conversation to go…

“Hange…?

They looked at you like a puppy faced with a bone. “Yeah?”

You paused.

“That’s fucking ridiculous.” You flatlined, before subtly kicking Levi’s foot and walking away without another word. It wasn’t that you enjoyed watching the misplaced hype fade from their eyes, but when it came to something so secret and special as the bond between you and your soulmate, you didn’t mind letting them down a few times. 

Levi followed you, and if he didn’t love you so damn much, he probably would have killed you for pulling a stunt like that. But there was something about the confident way you walked, the slight swing in your hips like you knew he was watching you. 

–Of course I know… and we have a few hours before Hange wants us on that cart…– he knew that tone in your voice. That slightly sultry cadence drove him batshit crazy and worst of all, you knew it drove him insane.

–...What did you have in mind?–

Levi’s back hit the door to his office with a solid thud, the sound of the sliding lock securing his arousal as you pinned his arms above his head with your threaded fingers. If his mouth was free, he would have whimpered along with the shot of heat running through his spine. But with your tongue thrust down his throat, he could only manage a choked squeak of approval. He fucking loved it when you were bold like this. When you took control. When you slammed him against the wall and made him forget his own damn name. 

Combined moans danced with each other when you forced your leg between his thighs, applying delicious pressure to the borderline painful strain against the front of his slacks. You were rabid, vicious, desperate with your other hand, ripping his jacket from his shoulders. Your mouth travelled from his tongue to his jaw, setting his voice free from the confines of his throat, breathy gasps flying from parted lips. You nipped and bit with tongue and teeth, sharply pinching down the side of his neck, a particularly sensitive weakness. 

“Sh-shit, someone’s ea-AH! Fuck! Eager,” you interrupted him with a bite to the spot just behind his ear. That paired with the bold grasp of his clothed cock after tearing his jacket off sent his brain short circuiting. 

You didn’t know where this sudden craving for his body came from. Sure, you always wanted to fuck him, you didn’t think there was a minute in a day where you couldn’t happily discard your clothes for him if he asked, but where this specific craving came from, you weren’t entirely sure. You just had the sudden urge to shove his dick in your mouth.

“Fuck, you can’t think shit like that… n-not when-ngh, not when I can-n still hear it.” You stifled your heated chuckle by sucking a bruise into the side of his neck, groaning along with him when your cunt throbbed. You hadn’t even thought about the idea of pleasuring yourself purely by pleasuring him, but now that seed had been planted in your head, you were definitely going to abuse the power the moment the chance arose. 

“Keep your hands up,” you instructed, threading your fingers out from his grasp. To your surprise, he actually obeyed for once, his palms now flat against the door behind him as you tore his shirt out from where he’d tucked it into his pants. You didn’t even bother to undo the buttons, just shoved it up his stomach until you had access to his peaked nipples, flicking and pinching until he cried out and your eyes rolled, once again latching onto his neck. 

Levi knew you’d left a mark he wouldn’t be able to cover up easily, but he couldn’t find it in himself to care right now. Now when all he could do was rake his nails down the wood behind him as you started to travel down his chest, skipping his covered collarbones. A small mercy, but a mercy nonetheless. 

Now you had the freedom to, you couldn’t count how many purple blossoms you’d suckled into pecs, crescent bite marks flushing pink against his pale skin, pebbled nipples now sensitive and raw. You popped one into your mouth, gripping his waist with one hand when you felt his crowing pleasure as your own. It was impossible to stem the constant thrumming of your clit when the tip of his cock kept rubbing against the front of his seam. Levi bucked his hips impatiently as you slowed down the pace of your actions, licking a hard line from his naval up to the centre of his chest. Having to hold his shirt up was getting frustrating, restricting the use of both your hands. You’d almost abandoned his chest completely, before a wicked idea sprouted in your mind.

Levi could feel it, the sudden spark of mischief in your heart, and before he could even truly decipher what it was you had planned, you stood back up and shoved the bottom of his shirt between his teeth, gagging his keening moans. You took a small step back, just to admire his appearance. Flushed all over, painted black and blue by your teeth, rosy pink dusting his cheeks and sweat dripping down the side of his pinched brows. A new painting, you thought to yourself.

–Come. On–

You grinned. Even in your head he sounded as desperate as he looked. Though you could feel it too, the tightening coil of arousal. But toying with him has become one of your favourite pastimes. “I’m just admiring the view, you look fucking delicious ‘Vi.”

Despite his current situation, he still managed to roll his eyes. –I’m not above getting myself off if you don’t hurry up–

Oh. Oh that was a mistake. He knew the moment your eyes lit up and his cock throbbed as an echo of your own pussy. 

You stepped back up to him, keeping searing eye contact as your fingers deftly unhooked his belt and slowly pulled down the front of his zipper. “Yeah? Show me then.” 

There was nothing he could do against the dare in your voice, and especially not as you reached into his briefs, pulling out his desperately soaking cock. He watched you bite your cheek at the first brush of your hand, your lips parting as you couldn’t help but pump him slightly, too lost in your own growing pleasure. 

Levi arched his back off the door behind him and into your loose fist, forgetting all about your little challenge when your thumb circled his head, your cheek falling against his shoulder. It was all he could do to remember to breathe through the now sodden shirt clamped between his teeth, ragged gasps fueling your movements. 

His voice cracked as you squeezed the base of his shaft, eyes screwed closed and hands balling tight. 

“Not yet…” you panted against his neck, before setting him free completely and walking backwards until your thighs hit the desk behind you. From here, you removed your own belt, pulling down your pants and underwear in one motion. Levi didn’t know what you had planned, but his eyes instantly honed in on your soaking cunt the moment you hopped up onto the desk and spread yourself for him. 

“I want you to watch my pussy throb around nothing as you fuck yourself with your fist. And before you ask, no I won’t be touching myself.”

Levi almost came there and then. That had to have been the single hottest thing you’d ever said to him. Though the idea was cruel, the tip of his cock leaked at the idea. 

–Fuck… you’re serious?–

“Completely.”

–Do I have to keep this fucking thing in my mouth?–

“You want me to find something else to gag you with?” The idea of stuffing your underwear in his mouth did spring to mind, but it was too much of a hassle to take your boots off. Plus, it was so much hotter this way, you got to see the extent of what your previous administrations did to his chest.

–Shit, okay… can I use both hands?–

“Nope. Just one.”

–Fuck you’re cruel today–

“You gonna keep me waiting?”

With a huff of indignance, Levi left one of his hands to claw at the wood behind him, the other coming down to clasp his aching cock. You both moaned in unison, every stroke down his shaft feeling like he was inside you, your walls fluttering against nothing. 

You’d instructed him to watch your cunt, something he thought he could do with ease, but when he grasped his dripping head and swirled his thumb around his tip, he fought tooth and nail against the instinct to throw his head back. 

You, on the other hand, did no such thing. “Fuck ‘Vi… like that. Oh shit, feels… fuck that feels good,” you breathed, feeling your clit pulse with a phantom touch. You still had every intention of sucking him off, but for now you just wanted to feel, content to keen and writhe as you relished every languid pump of his cock.

Every instinct was screaming at him to cross the room and bury himself deep inside your walls, seeing you so wet and ready for him. But he would be good today. This was something new that neither of you had thought of before, and he would be lying if he said he wasn’t enjoying it more than he thought he would. He watched you gush, your hips lifting off the desk as his hand applied pressure, sparking another cracked moan from his barred lips. 

Before, the idea of getting himself off was never really appealing. It was only since this had started did he actively enjoy it, most likely because he knew you were feeling good too. So, with newfound courage, Levi ran his thumb down the vein on the underside of his shaft, crying out with the sharp spike of euphoria in his blood. 

You obviously weren’t unaffected. “Yes! Fuh–ahaah! Fuck…! Ag-again!” 

He was yours to command, and so complied with your wish, once again thumbing down the sensitive vein. A sob wracked from his chest, bringing your back to reality.

–Please! I… I can’t fucking- NGH! Please…!– 

“Y-you want my f-ah! Want my fingers?” you asked, throwing your previous promise of not touching yourself out the window. 

Levi’s hair bounced with a vigorous nod, only now craving that toe-curling sensation he felt when you hit that particularly sensitive spot inside you. 

You made a show of sucking on your fingers, eyes still rolling as he continued to pleasure you both, before slowly pushing them through your folds. Levi’s gasp blended into a high pitched sob as you teased your own cunt. He’d actually been the one to help you find your g-spot, instructing you through heavy lashes until he too was keening. You could find it without much effort now, and when you finally pushed against it, Levi let his shirt fall.

“NGHA-HAAH! Shit! Oh fuck fuck FUCK!” You didn’t say anything when the back of his head hit the door, eyes screwed shut again as he desperately bucked his hips into his fist, picturing your pussy sucking him in. Neither of you had had the time to explore where in him you could tease until he went cross eyed, finding the same result this way. But he knew you wanted to, and deep down, he knew he wanted to too. Nothing had ever felt this good. 

Goosebumps started to prickle your skin as you curled your fingers, his wanton cries an orchestra to your performance. Though this wasn’t exactly what you had in mind when you’d provoked him earlier, this was so much better. The room became a symphony of ecstasy, neither of you able to voice anything other than pure, unadulterated pleasure. 

You stilled your fingers at the same moment Levi stilled his hand, looking at each other with nothing but burning desire, both of you heaving for oxygen.

“You let the shirt fall…” you rasped, voice slightly raw. Levi opened his mouth to reply, but just at that moment you curled your fingers inside yourself again, sending him back into a stuttering, moaning mess.

“I– ah-haah! W-wasn’t my fault!” It wasn’t the attitudinal retort he wanted to have, but that seemed impossible when you were still inadvertently fucking him. 

Sliding your fingers from your cunt, you both sighed slightly at the loss, before you finally took the time to remove your boots, pulling your pants and underwear off completely. 

Levi stood still against the door, catching his breath for a moment. Neither of you had come yet, likely making this the longest you have lasted in each other’s presence. Hopping off the desk, Levi watched as your hips swing with each step towards him, and when you held out your hand, he willingly took your wrist, lapping up your tacky slick from your fingers. 

You removed them from his tongue’s reach, replacing them with your own mouth as you kissed him hard. You felt him shiver as you once again grasped his cock, your eyes fluttering as you finally sank to your knees before him. He could barely stand to look at you, all of a sudden so submissive before him, and the moment you wrapped your lips around his tip, vibrations caressing his head from your own moaning, his head once again hit the door. 

“Fuuuuuck… like that… just l-like that, shit…!” your tongue caressed his frenulum, hand twisting and pumping around what couldn’t fit in your mouth. Your eyes closed as your highs approached, having kept them from another for far too long. Hollowing your cheeks, you sucked against his tip hard, drawing a staggered whimper from his chest. “C-cum!! Gonna cum, fuck! G…gah-ah! Gonna fucking cum…!” 

Your nails dug crescents into the milky skin of his waist, knowing the maintenance of your movements will bring you both crashing over the edge. And the moment Levi’s hands threaded through your hair and his hips bucked bruisingly into your mouth, you cried out around his cock as your high hit you, his spilling cum hitting the back of your throat.

Having lost control of his body, Levi’s back bowed in a steep arch, barely able to intake a gasp of breath before pure euphoria injected into his veins, balls tightening before releasing down your throat in sharp spikes of ecstasy. He vaguely registered you too hitting your high, the slight pain from your nails only heightening his pleasure. A long, pitched wail flew past his lips, thighs shaking as he fought to stay on his feet, his muscles having turned to liquid honey.

Caught up in the throes of your orgasm, your nose brushed the coarse hairs on his shuddering naval, having fallen forward without much care for his cock shoving further down your throat. Levi hissed as you whined around his overly-sensitive member, still twitching in the confines of your mouth, before gently moving your head back, setting you both free. 

You chuckled softly, resting your forehead against his thigh as you both basked in the afterglow, taking a moment to catch your breaths, your thumb smoothing over the red marks you’d left around his waist, shivering slightly as you felt them burn into your own skin. 

“Where… the hell… did that come from?” Levi breathed, his fingers curling through your hair, gently massaging against your scalp. Sex between you two was good. He was never going to deny that. The whole feeling each other thing was fucking incredible, but there was something about you ordering him to watch you cunt and get off to it that almost made him harden again. 

“Not too sure to be honest… but I wanna experiment a bit with it…”

“Tch, you sound like Hange.” 

The breath of your laughter huffed against his thigh, and it was only now did he realise that there really wasn’t a lot of mess to clean up, since he’d finished down your throat. The only real mess there was currently dripped from between your thighs, and it took all the power in his blood not to drop to the floor and clean you with his tongue.

“Wish we had the time…” you responded to the thought, shakily rising to your feet, your legs feeling weak both from kneeling and cumming your brains out. Levi thread his hands through his hair, sighing in blissful relief, only opening his eyes when he felt your thumb against the tender spot on the side of his neck, testing the bruise he knew you were looking at.

“Is it bad?”

“Uhm…” your voice was too pitched for his liking, eyes narrowing at your sheepish expression. “It’s… you have any scarfs…?” 

Levi sighed heavily. He couldn’t be mad, not when every high you gave him was better than the previous one, but he did start to question your motives.

“I am not being possessive! I just get carried away sometimes, we both know that.” You pouted, pushing off him and crossing the room back towards your clothes. He wasn’t letting you get away with this though, not so easily. Stuffing himself back into his briefs and zipping up his slacks, Levi couldn’t be bothered to tuck his shirt back in before reaching you in two broad strides, wrapping his arms around your half naked waist and sucking a deep, biting bruise into the exact same spot on your own neck, making a twin to the now fading one on the other side. 

You instantly melted into his touch, gasping lightly as you felt his teeth sink into your skin. A drunk smile pulled at your lips, your brain hazing for a moment, before he stopped suckling and pressed another, lighter kiss against your jaw. 

“There. Now we’re even.”

“Not nearly, I still have this one.” you didn’t sound as put together as you would have liked, but the mere thought seemed impossible when you could feel him smiling against your neck. 

It hit you like a punch from a Titan there and then. A singular thought that could ruin hundreds of moments. They wouldn’t get this. None of them would. They would never be able to experience something like this again. Why was it so right that you did? Grief constricted your breathing to the point where you pulled away from him, wordlessly tugging your clothes back on.

And of course, Levi knew what had happened. Knew exactly what you were thinking. He could hear it loud and clear in his own head. With everything that had happened lately, you hadn’t had the time to process your sorrow. Over the last two or three days, Levi had found himself awoken by your presence trying to make a home in his mind, terrified of your own. You didn’t want to be there, still tormented by guilt and hollowed sorrow. 

“Sorry…” you mumbled, running an exhausted hand through your slightly sweaty hair. “Ruined it, right?” you couldn’t help offering him a melancholy and sheepish smile, now feeling guilty for ruining what was a really nice moment between the two of you. Though the mask dropped when you felt a phantom warmth descend around you. Levi knew you didn’t always like to be physically comforted, but he could still give you the feeling without touching you.

“Never.” he responded gently, reaching his hand out slightly apprehensively, waiting to see if you would shy away or accept the offer. And to his relief, you pressed your arm into his open hand, letting him guide you into his embrace. He knew this had been particularly tough on you. Though his squad was his family too, he still had Hange and Erwin. But you’d never bonded with them as much as you had with your departed friends. They were your family, he knew that. “You’re okay.”

You wanted to nod, but you couldn’t lie to him. You weren’t, but you had to be. You didn’t have a choice right now. These brief moments of weakness were all you were permitting yourself. Anything more and you would take it too far, losing control of your emotions and slipping back into that state Levi had to drag you out from. You wouldn’t put him through that again. It wasn’t fair. 

“I just, I miss them so fucking much.” The tears you shed now weren’t ones of pleasure, but of pain. Of mourning the loss of time to mourn your family properly. He knew. Of course he knew. He would always know. But there was something so heartbreaking about hearing you admit it out loud.  

“It’s bad today, isn’t it?” He asked, softly placing his head atop your own in a successful attempt to bring you comfort, if the way you buried your face into his bruised neck was anything to judge by. 

–Yeah–

You were too afraid your voice would crack if you said anything out loud anymore, wanting more than anything to sink into his skin and disappear from the world, to let his half of your soul consume you and keep you. It hurt to breathe, knowing that they would never breathe again. It hurt to smile and laugh. It hurt to love as deeply as you do now. 

–I know, I know– 

Levi’s voice filled your head, fighting back those thoughts of your undeserved survival. You didn’t think you’d need to hear the reasons to fight again so soon after he uttered them not so long ago, but he was right. It was bad today. Maybe that was why you had him against the door like that, but the idea of using him as a distraction was even worse.

–You know that doesn’t matter to me–

Yes, you knew, but it didn’t help. Letting yourself feel would help, but you didn’t have the time. Neither of you did. And with the news of the recent breach… you didn’t know when you would have the time. And with your injuries, you couldn’t keep yourself busy. You couldn’t ride out with your comrades in this state. You were fucking useless. She was right, this whole time. You’d let your family die, you’re too weak to fight. You hadn’t thought about her in a while, but your grandmother was right. 

“Enough.”

All thoughts in your head ceased. 

Levi used a tone that he knew would get you to shut up, a tone he knew would grind your spiral to a complete halt. Because though it was soft, it was stony. It was a command from your Captain and an order from your bond. 

“Shit… yeah, sorry.” you drew in a slow, deep breath, feeling Levi assist to calm your accelerating heartbeat. When the time would come, you weren’t sure, but you were sure that it wasn’t now. You would get to mourn them, just not yet. 

Drawing you from his chest, Levi cupped your face with both hands, smoothing away the remains of tears beneath your eyes and down your cheeks with his thumbs. “Alright?”

“Yeah, yeah I’m okay. Thanks,” you reassured, though your lover didn’t look convinced. 

“You have to let yourself be happy…” 

“Damn, and that’s coming from you.” 

Though it was a low blow, Levi was just relieved you were back to your old self somewhat. Under any other circumstance, he would have at least attempted to hide his soft smile, would have tried to feign irritation. But he couldn’t find it in himself. “Oi, I’m trying, okay?” 

Maybe he could feign a little irritation. Just a little.

You huffed a light chuckle, placing one of your palms atop his scarred knuckles. “Guess we both have to try a little harder.” Pressing your lips to his, you sealed the promise, nothing but love now radiating from your mind. It settled his heart, a kiss of a different passion. No heat, just purity. 

Fuck did he love you. And he would tell you one day, with his words, not just his thoughts.

“There’s no rush.” He felt you were unable to say that with complete honesty. There was always the constant pressure of time breathing down your necks. The unforeseeable future where one of you, or maybe even both of you, may be dead without ever getting to hear those words. 

Like pulling a thread, Levi chased a memory he’d all but forgotten until now. “Do. Not. Lose. Her.”

“Who told you that?” You asked, quirking an intrigued brow. 

“Honestly? Not sure. But it’s the second time I heard it when pulling you from your weird mind lake thing.”

“Hey!”

Levi smirked briefly at your offended façade, before resuming recounting what had happened from his perspective, now you could both talk about it without reopening any wounds. “The door between my head and the bond, it wouldn’t open. I couldn’t get to you. This voice told me to break it,” he turned to lean back against the desk just as you hopped atop it, crossing your ankles.

“What did they sound like?”

“Fucking patronising.”

You snorted. Only Levi would have said something like that about a disembodied voice he couldn’t identify. “Idiot, I meant like, how old? Where from? Did he have an accent like that Sasha girl?”

“Sasha has an accent?”

“Sometimes, though I haven’t really heard her speak much, there's a certain lilt to her voice.” It reminded you of the way Oluo used to speak, before he saw Levi as his new religion and changed his entire image. That first day was hilarious.

Fuck.

“No, she doesn’t have an accent.” He continued, knowing what you’d just thought about and wanting to squash another spiral before it even happened. 

“It’s a woman?”

“I think so… the first time it was indistinguishable but… thinking back now…” his heart clenched. “It sounded like my mother.”

Your eyes widened slightly. Was that possible? 

Levi swallowed thickly before continuing on. “Not in the way she spoke, but in the way her voice sounded. Pitch, cadence, tone… everything. I was too focused on you to really process but… it was her.” 

You covered his hand braced on the edge of the desk. Despite his calm exterior, Levi was a constant maelstrom of emotions, and you did find yourself struggling at times to decipher what exactly he was feeling. Now was a good example, where you couldn’t tell if he was comforted or haunted by the idea of his mother talking to him. 

“‘Vi…”

“At least, the voice was the same. Pretty sure my mother would never say ‘Now is not the time to doubt, blood of mine. Break the door. Do. Not. Lose her.’” He quoted exactly what he remembered being told that night. It was guidance, though brutal as it was. 

You bit your lip in thought, watching as Levi’s tongue darted out to smooth the small phantom hurt. You really must remember to stop doing that so much. “‘Blood of mine’ ? Are all Ackerman’s connected to each other?” you asked, kind of wishing you had told Hange about the bond now. Maybe they could have helped decipher.

“Hard to say. I’ve never heard or felt anything before. Not even around Mikasa, and she’s an Ackerman.”

“You could just share the same last name and nothing more?” It was a weak suggestion, but a possibility nonetheless.

“I would have agreed had I not seen the reports of her strength and then seen it with my own eyes. You saw how she fought the Female Titan. That’s no regular strength.”

“You sayin’ I couldn’t have done something like that?” you asked, eyes flashing with cheeky mischief. Levi clicked his tongue, his own eyes rolling.

“She’s what, fifteen? Yes, I’m saying you couldn’t have done something like that at fifteen years old.”

“You didn’t even know me at fifteen years old!” you protested indignantly. “In fact, I–”

You were rudely cut off by Levi slapping his hand over your mouth, giving you a warning look. Returning his glare, you stuck your tongue out to lick the palm of his hand in petty defiance. Something which earned you nothing but a raise of his brow. 

Point taken.

“It’s weird though,” you began after he removed his hand. “Why can’t you hear any of this when I’m like, not drowning in my mental health held together with a piece of fraying string?”

Levi sighed again, really wishing you wouldn’t talk about your own emotions like that, but now wasn’t the time to bring that up. “Not sure, I guess it only happens when I need it to?” he sounded as unsure as you did, which made sense considering neither of you knew what the fuck was really going on. 

“Think it has something to do with the weird tree thing?” 

He knew what you were talking about, and honestly, it was a sound theory. “I do find it weird that no matter where we’ve chosen, that tree will always be there somewhere,” He sighed, sliding a tired hand down the side of his face. “I’m sorry, I wish I knew more, but I’m as clueless as you are, despite this all coming from me.” 

Your cheek against his shoulder was a welcome presence, strands of your hair tickling the underside of his jaw. “It would feel off-balanced if you knew more than I did anyway,” you reassured him. “Still, I would like to talk to Mikasa. It’s not me she hates, so maybe she’d open up a bit more.”

“I have a feeling it would be a little like trying to get me to open up without knowing me for as long as you have.”

“So I have no hope? Unless I get her to fall in love with me and then she forms a bond with me,” you joked, before the genuine question arose in your head. “Wait yeah, what if something like that did happen? Like, if there were more people with your blood, what if two people managed to bond to the same person?” 

Levi shrugged, causing your head to tilt slightly. “It seems unlikely. If Ackermans are all connected, I don’t think whatever the bond is would let that happen. If it did…” he slid his eyes to where you were peering at him from his shoulder. “They’d probably duel or some shit.”

You barked a laugh, rising to stretch your arms above your head. “The sheer number of references you make to Frederik and Jules is absolutely appalling Levi Ackerman. Honestly, have you no shame?” Hopping off the desk, you crossed the room to unlock the door, thinking it would be a little suspicious if someone tried to enter whilst the bolt was across. 

“Clearly not, I bonded with you, didn’t I?” 

You swivelled, gaping at his audacity. It took you a moment to truly register what he had said, before taking a book from the shelf nearest you and throwing it in his general direction. “Rudeness! Rudeness of the highest insult!” 

Whatever poor piece of literature you’d thrown at him was easily dodged, landing harmlessly behind the desk. “You can’t throw books at me, I’m injured.”

“You can’t throw insults at me, so am I!” you folded your arms, managing to keep his little devious smirk from cracking the defences in your expression. No, you will absolutely not let him get away with this! 

“Yeah, you will.”

“Oh yeah? What makes you so sure?” you challenged, your expression still masked hard. Though as the moments lingered on and he kept looking at you like that, your resolve started to waver. “Fuck’s sake, I’m worse than Erwin and he let you get away with literal murder.” 

“Speaking of which, how didn’t I know you two were old friends?” he asked, finally tucking his shirt back in and retrieving the black jacket you’d all but thrown to the floor, dusting it off with a barely veiled look of disdain. 

“Likely because we barely talk as old friends anymore. He got caught up in being a Commander and I got caught up in wrangling you,” Levi raised a suggestive brow, pulling a laugh from your chest. “I didn’t mean it like that, but yes that as well. I meant in a ‘making sure you actually became a soldier and figuratively beating the shit out of anyone who called you a rat’ kind of way.”

Levi’s eyes widened slightly. He didn’t know you’d done that for him. You rolled your eyes, now trying to play it off. “Don’t let it get to your head. I almost fought my best friend the day we all met Isabel because she called her a criminal or some shit,” you couldn’t escape the slight blush in your cheeks. Yes, you’d done it in Isabel’s memory somewhat, but you’d also done it because you’d taken a liking to him from quite early on. 

“I remember that…” it was the first time he’d bore witness to your fight. To a fire he’d now sworn to never let dwindle, and to protect at all costs. “Still, in all the years I’ve known Erwin, he’s not once mentioned you.”

“Guess he’s just as rude as you are then.” You had seen the opportunity and seized it with both hands, smirking slightly at his resulting scoff. “I think I might know why, though.”

Levi perked up slightly. “Oh?”

“That same evening after I met you and fought with Nana, we had a conversation. Erwin and I. We both knew he would likely be made Commander soon, meaning his squad would be left captainless,” Levi listened silently. He’d never heard you speak about the day he first met you, having not even discussed the tea you shared that day. “He told me I should take the offer to be made captain. I told him that I couldn’t.”

He didn’t know for sure, but Levi could hazard a guess. You’d lost faith in your abilities after what happened to Ilse.

“I don’t think he took it very well. He seemed kinda disappointed. But after that he was made Commander pretty quickly and yeah, that was that.” You didn’t particularly want to go into any more detail than that. Dragging up old, suppressed memories now wasn’t exactly a good idea, considering your current unstable mental state. Levi could see for himself if he wanted to, you’d already given him permission to see any memories he may deem necessary to understand you more as a person.  

“I see,” was all he could say in response. Pressing with further questions didn’t seem like a good idea, and the last thing he wanted to do was make you feel any more uncomfortable with the conversation. 

“So yeah, that’s about it. He was Captain of my squad, asked me to take over, I refused, you took the position instead.”

…Well he didn’t know that.

“Sorta why I’ve been indebted to you from the beginning. If you hadn’t shown up with your crazy abilities and shitty attitude I probably wouldn’t be here now.” You smiled, though it didn’t take a detective to see the slight pain behind it. Whatever that meant, he didn’t want to know, but with the bond being what it was, it didn’t seem like him joining the Scouts was a decision he made at all. But rather something else blessed by fate. Not that he was much of a believer in that kind of thing. 

“You owe me nothing.”

“Well I know that now, yeah.”

“You owed me nothing back then, too.”

The room was silent for a moment, before you shattered it with a soft sigh. “I wish this had happened sooner. Between us, I mean.”

Levi crossed over to where you were leaning on the very same bookshelf you’d chucked a book from, once again taking you effortlessly into his embrace. He had the same thoughts so often. He wished he could have told you years ago. It wasn’t exactly love at first sight between you two, but he savoured his memories of the rocky start. The biting insults soon turned playful. The cleaning punishment morphing into shared time together. Though he wished he’d had you sooner, he wouldn’t trade watching you flounder around Eld for all the romance novels in the world. 

You drew back, clearly having heard what he was thinking. “Really?

“It was pretty damn funny watching the two of you.”

Your forehead fell against his shoulder as you let out a long groan of embarrassment. “Fuck’s sake, even Erwin saw that.”

“He spoke to you about it?”

“Yeah, on the expedition. He wanted to extend his congratulations to us, which I thought was kinda nice of him, though he had a few other things to say….”

Levi looked at you, his eyes hard. “I assume he warded you away from me?”

“Not exactly. It was nicer than that, actually. He just told me to be careful.” you recalled the conversation in your head, sending snippets of visuals down the bond. Levi nodded, entertaining the image of you and Erwin by the campfire, having a surprisingly deep conversation, considering the circumstances. Though you left out the part where he told you not to hurt him. You were already afraid of doing that, but Levi didn’t need to know.

It must have been fate listening in, that there was a knock on the door just at this moment. You both looked at each other, the rapping sound breaking you both out of the little domestic bubble you so often found yourselves in nowadays. In a moment, you’d lifted a spare chair from the corner up to the desk to avoid the noise of dragging it along the wooden floorboards, and Levi had sat himself down, hunching over so it looked as if you were both completely caught up in paperwork. 

“Come in.” he’d managed to morph his voice so it sounded mundane, as if he’d been doing this for hours. You couldn’t help but admire the adaptability. You guess you really weren’t the only chameleon in the room.

Moments after, a brown haired messenger announced themselves, opening the door with surprising flamboyance. “Captain Levi, Sir! Commander Erwin has asked for you, Sir! He wants to meet with you immediately, Sir!” 

If you had taken a shot for everytime this guy had said sir you’d be well on your way to a good night out. However, there wasn’t time for things like that right now.

“Alright, I hear you. Dismissed.”

You snorted at the overenthusiastic salute the cadet made, before marching off to the left. He couldn’t have been any older than seventeen, poor kid. 

Levi stood with a sigh, clearly not thrilled about the idea of a meeting, but you both knew what it was likely going to be about. You guessed neither of you had confirmed you’d go along with Hange. 

“Guess you’ve been summoned,” you raised a brow as he walked around the desk, watching his hard expression set. You stood, catching him before he walked off and pressing your thumb in the crease between his brows, smoothing the tension from his face. “You can’t get this grumpy every time you’re called away.”

Levi huffed, though appreciating the attempt you made to caress away his stress. “When we don’t have a lot of time together anyway, I think I'm perfectly entitled to get this grumpy when it’s cut short.”

You grinned, pressing a kiss to his forehead. “Can’t argue with that. Make sure you let him know, hm?”

He rolled his eyes, though a smile still pulled at his lips. He masked it by moulding them into yours. “See you later.” He murmured, giving your arm a quick squeeze before he headed out the door. You hated how much you missed his presence when he was gone. 

The pendulum clock on the wall ticked by for all of five minutes before a lead balloon of dread sank into the depths of your stomach. His voice was instantly in your head.

–What? What’s wrong? You alright?–

–Levi…?–

–What?!–

–Your neck.–

Silence. You didn’t hear anything for what felt like an eternity, before his single word response had you cackling.

–Fuck.–

When the blanket of night settled over the world and a slight chill blew in the wind, you hugged your jacket closer around your shoulders, trying to stave the cold from getting to your bones. Though you’d healed fairly well, your leg still sang a melancholy song of pain with each step you took, earning yourself a slight limp. Your other wounds had healed nicely, slices closing up from your brow to your stomach. It was only really your leg that posed a problem now, though you’d been left with some pretty heft scars. Nothing new.

Walking through the courtyard, soldiers were busying themselves with packing supplies, crates of metal canisters, spare blades, boxes of field rations all being loaded onto various carts. You’d hidden it from Levi, but you intended to go with the group to search the wall. Orders be damned, you weren’t about to sit back and let everyone else do the work for you. You were physically incapable of doing that, and you also knew Levi would overestimate your ability to put sensibility above recklessness. Besides, you weren’t exactly lying…

You just hadn’t admitted the entire truth to him yet. Though it still weighed on you as a betrayal of his trust. Plus it actively drained you to hide things in your mind from him, which you guess made sense. It went against everything the bond was about.

Being caught up in thought, you didn’t see a blonde boy crossing paths with you from the right, almost crashing straight into him. It was only because you heard Eren’s voice and looked up because of it did you manage to stop the collision. 

“Shit, sorry kid, you alright?” you asked, looking back to see where he could have possibly come from. 

“Ah, yeah, I-I’m okay! Sorry, wasn’t looking where I was going,” he explained sheepishly, and you couldn't help but notice a weird resemblance to Erwin. Though this kid’s hair was longer, they had the same star-seeing eyes. 

“Nah, you’re good. Totally my fault, though you looked as deep in thought as I was. Something on your mind?” you don’t really know what prompted you to ask, but he just looked so troubled, you couldn’t help yourself.

“O-oh! No it’s nothing. Just… thinking about the Titan in the walls… and how he got there.” 

You let your mind run for a bit, before finally, realising who the kid was. Were you getting slow in your old age? 

Nah, that can’t be right. You weren’t that old for fuck’s sake.

“Ahh, you must be Armin, right? Eren’s friend?” you asked, earning yourself a look of surprise. “Vice Captain of the Levi Squad, looks like I’ll be riding with you guys.” In an instant, Armin’s fist thumped against his chest in a salute of respect.

“Ma’am! I wasn’t certain at first, but I thought it might have been you. It’s a pleasure to meet you,”

You waved off the salute, unable to help feeling as though you don’t deserve such a show of respect. Your squadmates were dead, afterall, you thought bitterly. “You’re fine, put that away, it’s not meant for me. You’re the one who had the theory about Annie, right?” You asked, now walking alongside the kid to where his friends were already in the cart. 

“Uh, sort of. It was really Commander Erwin and Section Commander Hange, I just suggested who it could be, it wasn’t–”

“Thank you, Armin. I los–” you stopped yourself. This poor kid didn’t need to hear about who you lost to that monster. “A lot of good soldiers died because of her. You helped us take a huge step in this fight for humanity,” Keeping your voice steady despite wanting to scream inside was something you’d become very good at, likely since losing Ilse. “We owe a lot to you and your friends.”

“Haha, Mikasa and Eren did most of the heavy lifting, I just helped with figuring it out.”

He clearly wasn’t used to giving himself credit. If Levi were here, he’d say something stupid like–

–Doesn’t give himself enough credit huh? Sound familiar?–

You huffed, setting your jaw. How did he always know?

–I have no idea what you’re talking about– you bit back defensively. –No it does not sound familiar, thank you very much. And shouldn’t you be concentrating?–

Warm laughter filled your head, and you couldn’t help but let it consume you, thawing your frozen bones. 

–Meeting’s finished. It was about what we thought. Coming up with Nick now. Just waiting on Hange.–

–You only talk in short sentences now? We’re not out in the field, we can talk in full sentences here–

You could hear him sigh almost in disappointment. A terrible dread obscured your thoughts. Did he know already? If he already knew, then this was about to be an awful conversation.

–You know, you’re not subtle. And I’m not stupid.–

–...Levi…–

–You know you can tell me these things, right?–

You muttered various curses, causing the poor young blond walking next to you to cast you a worried look. Shit. “Oh, no not you Armin. Just… remembering something. Don’t worry.”

“Oh… I see…” he responded awkwardly, clearly not knowing what else to say. It didn’t matter to you at the moment. Levi knew of your intentions to accompany the party to the walls, and also knew you’d kept it from him. 

–I… yeah, I know. I just, I knew you would try to stop me. I know it’s not the smartest thing to do in my condition, and I know my orders, but I just… I can’t just sit and let everyone do everything around me. I can’t just stay out of it… you know that.– you confessed. Though you were surprised he was so accepting about it. Honestly you were kind of expecting him to go all protective Levi mode and start trying to talk you out of it.

–The fuck are you talking about? And what do you mean by ‘protective Levi mode’???–

Oh. 

Shit.

–Wait. Was this not what you were talking about…?–

–...No.–

–Fuck.–

–Fuck indeed. We don’t have the time to talk about this now.–

–’Vi, I– –

–No. Later.–

Well fuck. That wasn’t exactly the best outcome. What the fuck could he possibly have been talking about if not that? Had he asked Erwin anything? Had he asked–

Then it hit you, a memory that didn’t belong to you.

“You spoke to her. Around the campfire that night. What did you say?” Levi asked, almost unable to look up from the floor. He was on his way out before Erwin called after him, just to wish him congratulations. It had been unexpected, but not unwelcome. But now he couldn’t even look at the man.

“Nothing of importance. Just congratulating her as well. And warning her from hurting you in any way,” he chuckled as if it were simply something trivial. “I know you’re strong, Levi, but I need you focused. Heartbreak doesn’t do much for a soldier’s motivation.” 

“You know you can just say you were looking out for me, no need for this whole charade,” He rolled his eyes, finally recovering after getting slapped in the face yet again by the realisation that people cared for him. “What did she say in return?”

Erwin sighed, lacing his fingers in front of his nose in thought. “That it was one of her greatest fears, hurting you. And knowing you, you likely have the same thought, no?”

Levi tensed his jaw. He knew hurting each other was a fear within your relationship, considering recent events, but he didn’t know it was your greatest fear. Why hadn’t you told him? You’d told him everything else… right? He was snapped out of his thoughts by Erwin, clearing his throat. 

“I see, I thought she would have told you. I apologise.”

That was all you saw, though it was enough. Not that you could register anything right now. You had so much going on. Too much going on, you couldn’t help but wonder how Eren coped with it all. The future of humanity used to lie on the shoulders of you, your squad and your Captain. Now you’d been unburdened with that demand, though it had been placed onto a child. How the fuck was that fair? And with the breach in Wall Rose, you were so sick of things going wrong it was starting to drive you up the fucking Walls. And now Levi knew you wanted to head out on the expedition later this evening. And from what you could tell, which was a lot, he didn’t seem too happy about it. Fuck this day.

You’d deal with it later. If Levi didn’t want to talk about it now, then you could certainly hold off. Nothing was about to change your mind, and you were content in your decision. You would go on the expedition and deal with the consequences when you came back. To hell with him.

“Great, what the hell does this mean?” 

You were snapped out of your thoughts by Eren already in the wagon, loading up ODM gear and gas canisters. You felt for the kid. He’d only just discovered what he was and already so much had happened since. Barely having time to recover from the fight against Annie and now all his friends had to be sent away in case any more of them were fucking Titans?  

“I don’t know… but they’re Titans, right? Would they seriously break through the Wall with Titans in it?” It was a good question, you had to admit. Armin’s mind was nearly as sharp as Hange’s, if only the kid had more self confidence, he could definitely gun for Commander in the next decade or so, providing he survived that long. 

“Wouldn’t be the first time, right? They did it before.”

It took you a moment to leap onto Armin’s trail of thought, but once you were there, you understood perfectly. “No, they didn’t. That was a gate. They busted through the gate, not the wall.” 

“Exactly, the Walls are different. They don’t have a single crack in them, no weak points other than the gates.” Walls this kid was smart. “There’s no signs of stress, and even stranger, there’s no way of knowing how they were built. They’re just solid walls of stone. No bricks, no nothing.”

“No nothing except Titans…” you knew where he was going with this.

“Armin, Lieutenant… what are you saying?” You couldn’t help but compare this situation to when you and Hange would be brainstorming and Levi would have no idea what you were talking about. Poor Mikasa.

“Suppose… suppose the Walls were made of the same stuff as Annie’s Titan crystal?” Armin posed.

You chewed on the suggestion for a moment. “She used that to cover her nape, right? And she trapped herself in it, so we know it’s versatile,”

“And it’s virtually indestructible, our blades breaking instantly upon impact…” 

Stepping up into the wagon, you held your hand out to help Armin up, taking a seat opposite Eren, who looked utterly horrified.

“So… the Walls are made of Titans? Is that what you’re saying?” He asked, looking down at his own hands as if they were about to catch aflame. 

“It’s just a theory at the moment, but–”

“It’s a solid one. We need to talk to Hange, and if there really is a breach in the Wall…”

The wagon jostled as you were moved into formation, but being so lost in thought you barely noticed. What the hell did this mean for humanity? Being protected by the very things that were trying to annihilate you all. And what would happen if the sun did hit them? What did Pastor Nick know that the rest of you were clueless about? And how was it that some preacher of the Walls knew? There were too many unknowns, it made you uneasy. 

You vaguely registered Mikasa wrapping her cloak around Eren, muttering something about him getting cold. It was sweet, you thought, though it brought you back to the various things you didn’t know about your own bond, wondering if Mikasa knew that’s what had happened between her and Eren, given that it had actually happened, of course. But you’d heard about her uncanny sense whenever Eren was in danger, and thought back to how Levi had the same sense about you. You hoped, for her sake, Eren would realise one day. 

“Sorry to keep you waiting! Didn’t think it would take so long to prepare.” 

You stole your nerves to look their way, though you barely registered Hange’s cheerful wave over Levi’s glare of thunder. At least his heartbeat wasn’t out of sync with yours. So this could be fixed… right? 

The wood creaked in protest as an additional three bodies crammed into the space, you shuffled up as much as you could, your body pressing against the side board as Levi took a seat next to you. You longed to press your face into his neck, but at the same time, you wanted to do anything but that. Joy, more conflicting feelings. 

“But… but he’s a priest from the Order of the Walls… Why is he–”

“I know! Nick and I are inseparable now! It’s alright, makes sense he’s here, just like the rest of us. We’re all rather random.”

It was strange for Hange to make assumptions this way. Ths group was anything but random. “No. The opposite. Erwin’s thrown us together for a reason.” Though what those reasons were, Levi couldn’t hazard a guess. The man’s motives were always mysterious until the final moments, when all would be revealed. It was an irritating habit. 

He needed to talk to you, finally realising what your intentions were, he couldn’t let you do this. You were still badly injured, and though you were recovering well, he knew your wounds were deeper than those surface level scratches. And if your stitches blew out in the field, you were dead. That was it. He couldn’t even believe you were considering this, let alone having made up your mind. It was stupid. Reckless. And downright selfish of you. 

“The condition of Wall Rose is currently unknown, but everything up to Erhmich district is safe. That’s the path we’ll be taking. Move out!” Erwin’s voice boomed from the front of the formation, loud enough that you were certain the entirety of Trost would have heard the announcement of departure. 

You stayed completely silent, debating more than ever what your next moves should be. How had things gone so damn badly? How had everything turned to shit so fucking quickly? It only felt like yesterday you were playing strip poker with your squad and now they were all fucking dead, two kids can turn into Titans and there was another fucking breach. You sighed, teeth gnawing at any loose bit of skin they could find on your lips. A habit you hadn’t indulged in a while. 

“You heard him. Get going.” It was a weak hope that speaking up so suddenly would get you to stop tearing apart your lower lip, his own stinging with each pull. You bit down a little too hard as the wagon jostled to life, and Levi almost winced with the sharp hurt. You, on the other hand, didn’t look too bothered by it, taking the opportunity to suck on the blood like some little fucked up vampire. If he wasn’t furious with you right now, he would have taken your hand into his own, current company be damned. 

He loosened a breath. Being angry with you was foreign and unknown and downright awful. He wanted to talk to you, to somehow ease the worries in your head, but he had no idea how to start a conversation with you at the moment. Not that he was ever very good with his words. Putting his opinions aside, Levi dropped his hand to brush against your arm.

Though when you flinched slightly, he wished lightning would strike him where he sat. You still refused to look at him, but he didn’t need to see your face to know you were radiating some kind of guilty resolve. You did nothing but continue to bite your lip, your fingers now tearing at your cuticles. He hadn’t seen you this stressed since you walked into his office and announced his squad would be helping Hange on their capture mission. Fuck that seemed like years ago now. 

“Well I should probably explain what we know from our friend Nick here,” Hange began, clasping a firm, almost threatening arm around the man’s shoulders. “You see, it was Nick who told us to cover the Titan in the Wall, assuming it would move should sunlight hit it. Just how he knew this, we have yet to find out.” With a quick glance to the opposite three in the wagon, you could tell they were just as baffled as you all were. 

“Wait wait wait, back up, this guy knew?! He knew and he said nothing!?” Eren exclaimed, leaning forward to almost throttle the man. 

“Uh huh, ‘friad so. And unfortunately, that’s about all he’s said. But, we all know now, of course. He doesn’t wanna talk quite yet, but that’s likely to change with a harsh dose of reality. It’s his faith keeping him quiet, but first hand experience though, we–”

“To hell with that!” 

You almost jumped at Eren’s shouting, standing and slamming his hands down on the table separating the two sides. Though if you were being honest, you missed the fighting talk from the kid.  “If this son-of-a-bitch knows something, he needs to come out with it! We’re on the brink of extinction and he’s deciding to keep quiet about what he knows? Caring only about keeping some stupid oath?!” Eren’s tone only rose with each point he made, stopping only due to what you assumed was his exhaustion spiking a sudden headache. A hand braced against the side of his head, Mikasa guided him to sit back down. 

“Take it easy Eren, you still haven’t fully recovered.” Oh she was so in love with him. It actually made you smile slightly, though it was short lived. Nothing lasts forever in the Scouts. 

Your chest constricted at the thought, and you glanced down to see Levi’s balled fist. 

And if you weren’t so busy wondering what the fuck you should do, you would have found him pulling a gun ridiculously attractive. What was wrong with you?

“There’s more than one way to get people to talk. Sure, I’m not exactly in top shape right now, but I know it doesn’t take much strength to pull a trigger. Having said that, I genuinely hope I won’t have to blow a hole in you to settle this. How ‘bout you?”

You once again cursed your current situation for not reacting after he’d just said maybe the single hottest thing you’d ever heard come from his mouth. If you weren’t in such emotional turmoil, you definitely would have started teasing him in front of everyone. 

But you were drained, and any will you had to do so had drained also.

A brief silence settled in the wagon as everyone remembered that, sure he wasn’t on active duty right now, but they were still sitting in the presence of Humanity’s Strongest Soldier, and it was still intimidating. 

Well, everyone except for Hange.

“Threatening him doesn’t work, Levi. I went to throw him off the top of Wall Sina. So trust me on that. And whether you agree with him or not, Nick here is a man of principle. Which has gotta make you think, if he’s so unwilling to talk, what in heaven’s name is he putting above the fate of humanity?”

Now that placed a blanket of silence over the wagon. Because it was one hell of a good question. What was he holding above the fate of the human race? What did he deem more important than humanity’s future? 

With the conversation coming to a halt, you tilted your head back to the moonlit canopy overhead, rogue embers floating within the leaves without a care in the world. You wonder if they knew their life was short. If you knew they had these last few seconds of freedom before they faded to nothing, returning to whatever elements they were composed of. But isn’t that all anything was? A brief interval from the void of non-existence? You suddenly envied those embers. They’d never experienced grief, or heartbreak, or loss in any way. They burned, and they burned beautifully until their inevitable end. Which is all anyone could strive to do, you thought. Burn beautifully. 

Despite the morbid nature of your thought trail, you smiled. Because you knew everyone around you was doing just that. Burning beautifully. 

Levi had taken a whistlestop tour into your mind for a split second, just to see how you were holding up. What he wasn’t expecting, however, was for you to be having philosophical revelations over fire. At least you weren’t thinking about the mission he wasn’t about to let you go on. He’d take philosophy over that any day of the week. 

Though his own tired head thought otherwise. Too much had happened to be entertaining your thoughts, so he returned to his own, only now noticing Hange staring unblinkingly at a rock. It was unusual for them to be doing unusual things, but at least it was a distraction from whatever the fuck was going on with you.

“Hey Four Eyes,” –He leaned forward slightly, looking past Nick to Hange still staring at the rock– “since when did you take an interest in geology? Or is your life so boring even rocks have become fascinating, looks like you’re about to drool.” 

Hange looked up, as if they’d just been dragged from a good book. “Hm? Oh, this? It’s not a rock. At least, not an ordinary one. It’s a hardened piece of skin, left behind by the Female Titan.”

That caught your attention. Snapping out of your thoughts, you too turned to look at Hange, your expression mirroring Armin’s as he gasped slightly. “Wait, it didn’t vanish?” He asked, eyes wide with what you could only just discern as shocked intrigue. 

“No! It broke off when she reverted back to her human form. It didn’t evaporate… didn’t simply go poof,” Their enthusiasm for the conversation only increased tenfold, and you could tell as soon as they started to use onomatopoeias. “Which got me thinking… and when I compared it with a piece from the Wall, its texture and molecular structure were, for all intents and purposes, virtually identical. So basically speaking–”

“We’re being protected by the very things that are trying to devour us, only ten times bigger than average.” You finished, glancing between Armin and Hange. You’d already had a conversation like this with the blond, but now at least you knew Hange had the same theory. 

“Exactly, and if my hypothesis is correct, the Walls were constructed using consolidated Titan skin.” Hange confirmed, to the disgusted horror of the opposite three. 

“You’re kidding… that’s what Armin and the Lieutenant were just talking about.” Mikasa observed, wide eyed. But she wasn’t wrong. That was exactly what you and Armin were discussing. Honestly, not to be condescending to the girl, but you were impressed she was following.

Armin once again gasped, shooting forward in his seat. “So then–” he began, only to be rudely cut off by Hange’s hand to his face.

Unfortunately for them, you’d just had exactly the same revelation. You borderline launched across Levi, slamming your hand down on the table. “You want to–” 

However, you too received a Hange hand to the face.

“Easy there you two, it’s rude to steal somebody else’s thunder dontcha know. As it stands, we’d be hard pressed to find a rock large enough to seal Wall Rose again. It would have to be just the right shape and size, and we don’t have specifics yet,” 

You fought to free yourself from Hange’s grip, desperate to contribute to the solution and listening to Armin frantically try and talk through their other palm.

“On the other hand, where there’s a will, there’s a way. Just picture it, Eren using his own hardening ability whilst in Titan form!” They revealed, finally releasing both you and the blond from their hands. You shook your head slightly, instantly wiping your face because heaven knows where Hange’s hands had been. 

Frowning, you slouched back in your seat, folding your arms. You thought of that too. 

“Then I could… patch the hole.” Eren came to the realisation much slower than you and Armin, though you guessed, since this actually concerned him and it was all incredibly new for him, he had other things to think about. 

“The sealant should be composed of the same material, and, like with Annie’s crystal, it shouldn’t disappear once you revert to human. This might be less of a long shot than it sounds. Whaddya think?”

If Levi was given a coin for every time you and Hange got carried away in conversation to the point where he could no longer follow, he could retire within the next year. However with this boy genius now added to the mix, he realised where this was going only a few moments before Eren did. Though your pouting did almost make him laugh. He knew you would have wanted to jump in, because he knew you would have been right there with Hange’s theory. He knew you were smart enough. And he hoped that was good enough for you.

“The greater the risk, the greater the reward,” You leaned forward again, clearly having gotten over your petulance.

“And if we can patch up Wall Rose… then Wall Maria starts to look fairly promising. And vital though it is, the outposts infrastructure slows us down to a crawl,” Armin continued, and Levi couldn’t help but find it a little weird how he was now finishing your sentences.

“The time and resources needed to transport materials are immense,” and vice versa, he discovered as soon as you took off from where he left. This was getting ridiculous. 

“But… if we can nullify the necessity for supply wagons, we could get to Shiganshina much faster… And what if we decided to carry out the plan at the dead of night?!” Armin posed, stony determination written on his face. You couldn’t help but smile slightly, having found yourself on the exact same wavelength.

“Night?” It was Hange now who was having trouble keeping up, and though you felt the urge to explain, they had a point earlier. Stealing somebody else’s thunder was rude, and you realised Armin needed all the confidence boosts he could get.

“Yes! When the Titans are more or less motionless!” He finished, clearly waiting with some kind of validation on his theoretical plan.

“Huh… that’s not bad. In fact, it’s genius, particularly if the group is small enough to slip on by undetected.” –Hange looked back down at the small crystal in their hand– “The straits we’re in are about as dire as they come, but this could turn the tides completely.” 

“We have to bear in mind though, this entire plan hinges on whether or not Eren can seal the hole again.” You really did hate to be the one to throw a bucket of cold water on the atmosphere, especially when you saw Armin’s proud smile falter slightly, but he knew as well as you did it was a good point.

Hange looked across to Eren, who you could see was visibly sweating despite the slight chill of the night. “It’s probably unfair of me to even ask but… do you think you can?” They asked, brows pinching in slight sheepish guilt. 

The wagon once again fell silent as all eyes fell to the teen who wasn’t looking at any of you. Once again, you could tell he was feeling the weight of the future on his shoulders, and your heart constricted for him. Ever since that night after you’d almost killed him, when he’d accidentally turned Titan and scared the ever loving shit out of you and your squad, you’d found a new respect for him. Having now understood the burdens of Humanity’s Strongest Soldier, you could only imagine what Eren was going through. 

“What he thinks really isn’t the problem here,” Levi finally found his voice, having been in complete awe of you and the way your mind worked. “You either will, or you won’t. That’s the reality of the situation. Our comrades are breaking their backs, but without you, it’s pointless. Failure here isn’t an option.”

You knew he was right. You knew he was just adding gravity where the rest of you had lost it, bringing the conversation back down to earth, but did he really have to be so stern? So pressuring?

–I think he knows how important this is. Stop adding unnecessary weight.– You couldn’t help yourself, a weird kind of protective nature coming over you. You saw out of your peripheral his hands balling into fists.

–So now you wanna talk?–

–You were the one who shut down the conversation, not me. I was just doing what you asked.– 

Levi’s frustrated sigh blew about your head, before the tension was broken by Eren’s desperate enthusiasm to prove himself. “Sir! I know, and I’m prepared to do whatever it takes… that’s a promise.”

There and then, you could see just how heavy his memories were. You understood his guilt because you understood Levi’s guilt. You knew he felt every single life lost around him, because he was supposed to be strong enough to move forward. He was supposed to be strong enough to protect people, to take the hits when nobody else could. 

“My father’s cellar…” You tilted your head to one side, willing to put your current feud away and glance at Levi, who glanced back at you, before you both looked back at Eren, awaiting an explanation. “That’s… that’s where the answers are. If there was even a grain of truth in what he told me, everything depends on us making it there.” 

You didn’t have time to wonder what the hell that meant, before Hange announced your location; “Well, here’s Ermich.” 

Nerves bubbled in your gut, this being the place where you knew you were about to have the biggest argument in your relationship. You felt Levi tense next to you, knowing he was thinking the same thing. But neither of you were backing out of this, that much was clear. 

Hopping out of the wagon, you chose to ignore the slight bite in your thigh from your injuries, taking a moment to stretch out your back. You noticed Levi had already set off with Nick, and though you weren’t alone with Hange, you were still going to take this opportunity to talk with them. “Hey, Hans?”

Once again, like a breath of fresh air, Hange beamed at you, despite the previous conversation in the wagon. “What’s up? The atmosphere there was kinda frosty for a second huh? That Armin kid though… he’s pretty damn smart, and to come up with a plan for Shiganshina so quickly… I reckon he’d make a pretty great Commander one day.” They started off on their own conversation as the two of you made your way through Ermich district. 

“Yeah, we’d had a brief conversation before the journey about the Walls and the Titans inside and such, we pretty much came to the same conclusion.” You defended stiffly, only to Hange’s delight. 

“Awww, jealous I got there before you? Sorry sunshine, only a few have brains like these!” They skipped, and you genuinely couldn’t understand how their demeanour could shift so quickly and so dramatically. Though, you remembered a time where Levi said that about you, how you could shift your personality from casual to professional in the blink of an eye. 

You grit your teeth. Thinking about him hurt.

“Yeah yeah, whatever. I just wanted to let ya know that I’ll likely be joining you on the mission.” You tried to mention it as nonchalantly as you possibly could, but no amount of casualness could have warned them of that. 

Hange stopped in their tracks. “Aren’t you supposed to be off active duty for the time being?”

“I can stand, can I not? And I’m walking, am I not? I don’t have a good reason to be resting.” You defended adamantly. You knew this was exactly what Levi was going to say as well, so you’d already come up with arguments.

“Does Levi know?” They asked softly, and when you didn’t respond, Hange placed a hand on your shoulder. “I was wondering what had happened between you two, things seemed different in the wagon than they were this morning. Don’t solidify anything yet. Wait until you talk with him. I’d say we have roughly half an hour turnover. If you’re still set after talking to him, I’d be happy for the help.”

“You know, he doesn’t make my decisions for me.” You tried to keep the venom from your voice, but failed miserably. Hange knew, of course. They knew this wasn’t coming from a place of rage or anger with them.

��He’s your Captain. He technically does.”

“My Captain, huh? Of what squad, Hange?” It was a brutal blow, and had it been anyone else you were talking to, you know they would have walked away by now, either your glare or the toxicity in your tone causing them to leave. However, this was Hange. Hange who knew both yourself and Levi, sometimes better than you knew each other. Hange, who knew grief just as well as you did, and still managed to do everything they could. Hange, who also had friends out there in the field right now, and who hadn’t heard from them in hours, and didn’t know if they were still alive. 

They squeezed their calming hand on your shoulder. “Speak to Levi first, as a favour to me.” 

You sighed, feeling the tension sapping from your spine, knowing they were right. “Fine, but I’ve made up my mind.” 

Hange smiled in understanding, continuing on their path with you by their side. “I know you have, but if you sneak out and Levi knows I knew, I won’t live to see the sunrise.” 

Huffing a chuckle, you nodded in agreement. That was likely true, unfortunately for the both of you. Glancing back, you watched the three behind you for a brief moment. Watched as Mikasa tried to wrap Eren’s cloak back around his shoulders, to the teen’s dismay, whilst Armin tried to calm the two of them down and stop their bickering. It was a sickening reminder that, after everything, they were still just kids. 

“It’s sad. Not only was their childhood cut short, but now they hold the weight of the future on their shoulders. Eren specifically, but you can see it on Armin and Mikasa too. The way they care so much for him, but he feels the need to do everything alone. It’s so lonely.” You thought aloud, cracking your neck to the side.

“You sound like you're speaking from experience.” Hange observed, glancing down to you with an eye raised.

“Not quite. But I know how it is for Levi. I know that, even given the chance to, he would rather die than pass his title on to somebody else. Not for any sort of pride reasons, but because he wouldn’t want that burden to befall another soul. He carries it because he knows it’s necessary to do so, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t heavy.” It was a losing battle, keeping your frustration from bubbling to the surface. On the outside, it just seemed like you were explaining something not many people would have an insight into. On the inside, however…

You wanted to scream.

Despite the morbid display in front of him, hundreds upon hundreds of people having lost their homes due to the recent breach, Levi couldn’t help but listen to your conversation with Hange. To be understood on such a fundamental level was still incredibly new for him, so to hear your voice exactly how he felt a majority of the time…

It solidified his need to stop you from going on this mission. 

“You know him well, huh?” This was a side to Hange you didn’t see very often. The softer, more sentimental side to the ‘mad scientist’ everyone knew. It was part of the reason you liked them so much. 

“And you know why, so you don’t need to act clueless.” Once again you came incredibly close to telling them everything, but you held off. Despite there being a small rift between the two of you at the moment, you knew that was something you needed to discuss with Levi. 

You both climbed the steps into the barracks, hearing Eren, Mikasa and Armin still behind you.

“Hey Eren!” Hange gestured for the teen to join them, and so you took a step back, allowing them to have their conversation without interference. “Once we leave Ermich, we’ll be in Titan territory for sure.”

“Think you’re well enough to ride a horse yet?” 

You’d almost completely forgotten Moblit was on this expedition, considering he didn’t ride with you in the wagon. It was only now did you see Hange relax slightly, having not even noticed they were slightly tense. You half smiled with the realisation. 

And it was now you really missed being on good terms with your partner. Because you knew he would have had something to say about that.

“Yeah, it shouldn't be too much of a problem.” Eren responded, though he sounded exhausted. 

“Saddle up then soldier, there’s one waiting for you on the left lift.” You thought a lot about the shift you and Hange could perform between professional and casual, though you’d never considered how different Moblit was behind closed doors. You guessed, when he didn’t have the pressure of being Hange’s right hand man, he could well and truly relax. 

Though the only visual indication you had was Hange’s widening eyes, you’d already felt Levi’s growing presence behind you. You turned, seeing almost exactly what you predicted, only Nick looked more remorseful than he did in your mind’s eye. You couldn’t tell if that was a good thing or a bad thing. 

“Section Commander, we’re pressed for time!” Moblit called out as Hange jogged back past you.

“Gimme a second will ya?” They called back, before addressing Nick. “So, you seen the light yet by any chance?” 

If you took a shot for every time silence had settled it’s blanket over your group today, you’d likely be in the medical wing. The air was charged as you all waited for Nick’s response, before realising he was going to hold his tongue. And finally, finally, Hange had enough. “Goddamnit! This isn’t some fucked up spiritual test, real human lives are on the line here so make up your mind!” 

And for the first time since he sat his holy ass on that cart, Nick spoke; “Alas, I have no choice. None of us, not myself nor the others who believe are at liberty to divulge the truth.”

Ooo did you want to punch his teeth in. You knuckled itched to be thrust through his jaw.

“Well fat lot of you help you were! Thanks ever so much for keeping us company, it’s been a fucking joy!” It took all of your willpower to, despite your situation, stifle your laughter at their sarcastic rage as they abruptly turned on their heels and started to stomp away.

“I would offer my help if I could, but a duty as great as this one is beyond me. The Order of the Walls abides by the sacred will our faith commands us to obey.” He seemed so solemn you almost pitied the man. Almost.

“Who’s sacred will? You mean like God or something?” Hange questioned with no small degree of snark.

“I can’t answer that.” God fucking damnit! “But… what I can do is provide you with a name. An individual the sacred will and it’s divine wisdom instructed us to monitor.”

You couldn’t tell if he was using way too many words in sentences deliberately, or whether or not that was seriously the title they gave the head of their religion. “Monitor?” You asked aloud, glancing at Hange who nodded in approval. That was clearly their next question.

Nick sighed before continuing on. “It’s a person you know. Someone who enlisted in the Scout Regiment as of this year. A child by the name of–”

“Important message!” The pastor was drowned out by the arrival of a messenger loudly announcing her presence. She didn’t even stop to knock or read the room, just barged straight in with her agenda. But that didn’t stop you or your companions to hear the name he’d just uttered. Christa Lenz.  “I’m with the 104th Cadet Corps. Oh and my name is Sasha Braus!” 

You blinked in surprise, finally turning your head to look at the girl. You still didn’t really know the 104th that well, only really being well acquainted with Eren, for obvious reasons. But you knew of Sasha, and you’d heard her speak before. However the accent you’d previously noticed seemed to have vanished into thin air. Interesting. 

“No way…”

“Wait, who?”

Sasha strode up to Hange, scroll in hand. “This is for you, Section Commander.” Though she was completely ignored, the room’s attention now being completely on the Pastor. 

“You must find her with all haste. She is the key. She may know things we understand, but poorly.” You glanced to Hange, who mirrored your look. Who the fuck was this girl, and more importantly, who was she to Eren, Armin and Mikasa for them to be so floored by this? “And with that, we come to the end of what I am free to share with you. The rest I leave in your capable hands.” 

“Wait, if she’s in the 104th… she’d be on the front lines by now.” You realised, wide eyes flicking between Hange and Nick. 

“Then let’s go! We’re already pressed for time, we don’t have any to lo–” Though you admired Eren for his gung-ho attitude, you admired him less when he didn’t look where he was going and ran straight into poor Sasha who had been waiting incredibly patiently with her scroll, sending her crashing to the ground. 

“Watch where you’re going!” Hange called out, the room’s attention shifting to the poor girl on the floor. 

“Sasha?!”

“Just where did you come from all of a sudden?” Mikasa asked, and you couldn’t help but raise a brow. Had nobody else heard the girl enter? Seriously? 

Once again you wished you could talk to Levi about this, but he’d been silent in your head since the wagon. You kept your sigh internal. 

As if remembering she was here for a purpose and not just to lie on the floor, Sasha gasped, snatching up the parchment that had fallen from her hands and barrelling through her three friends toward Hange. “I was sent to deliver a message to the Commander, who then entrusted me to get this to you Section Commander!” The girl spoke without breathing, and you absently wondered if this was her first time delivering a message. Before realising that yeah, this was most likely her first time delivering a message.

Good for her.

The girl borderline folded in half at the waist as she bowed, holding the scroll out for Hange with both open palms. You stifled a snort, pretending to pick at your lips to hide your smile.

Levi had been borderline completely silent throughout this entire exchange, not having much to say. However, that didn’t mean his eyes didn’t work. He noticed every little thing you did, every little micro-expression you made, whether it be concern, confusion, determination, and now hidden amusement. It warmed him that you could still smile at things, despite everything. 

“Uh, okay then… excellent work!” Hange seemed a little taken aback by the girl’s formal enthusiasm, but swiftly replaced the scroll with a baked potato from the supply crate, and you watched as Sasha all but melted on the spot, before taking one of the largest bites you’d ever seen a human being take out of anything, half wondering if she had Titan genes.

“So, who the hell was Nick talking about?” You turned your attention back to the conversation at hand, asking the three who already seemed to know her what was on everyone else’s minds.

“She was the smallest one in our class,” Eren answered, crouching to secure his boots.

“Golden hair, blue eyes. In fact… she was kinda cute.” You had to double take to make sure you actually heard that correctly. 

“The girl who’s always hanging around Ymir.” Mikasa clarified, and you looked at Hange just as their eyes widened. 

“Wh– Excuse me?” That had triggered something in their brain, but whatever that may have been, you guessed you would find out at a later date. Another quick glance around the room told you nobody else had quite had that same reaction. But that’s normal for Hange. 

You watched them stare in contemplation for a moment, before brushing off whatever they were thinking, clearly filing it away for later. But with everyone standing around, it was starting to irritate you that nothing was being done. “Alright, no point in doing nothing, start loading up supplies onto the lifts.” It was better than nothing, right? And it was nice to know people still regarded you with some kind of authority, as footsteps instantly started echoing off the stone walls. Hange helpfully took a seat on one of those crates, pulling at the string from around the paper handed to them by Sasha. Glancing to a smaller box of food to your left, you carried it under your arm, handing it off to Moblit who nodded at you in thanks. 

“That the background report?” You asked, leaning against their shoulder slightly, skim-reading the first few paragraphs.

“Yeah… yeah it is.”

“Background report?” Eren asked, his head almost comically popping up from behind one of the crates he was trying to lift.

“Ah, yeah. I asked for a background report on Annie Leonhart. It was a lot slower than I was hoping for, what with paper trails being a total catastrophe at the moment, but according to this, there were two other cadets in the 104th who came from the same area. One Reiner Braun and Bertholdt Hoover.” Hange looked up from their paper, surveying the three before them. You, however, turned to Sasha, who’d looked as if she’d seen a ghost.

Too many revelations in one night. Too much information revealed in such a short amount of time. Levi kept his eye on Eren, the boy already having suffered enough. And no, whilst his own comments didn’t help settle the teens nerves, he also knew what was necessary to get through to him. He didn’t want to have to keep jabbing at him, and if this mission wasn’t so crucial, he wouldn’t have to. But with this perhaps being the only shot at sealing the wall they would get, he didn’t regret being harsh on him. Even if it had earned him some dirty looks from you.

Hange continued; “Don’t have many records about them, and any records we do have are unreliable, thanks to the chaos five years ago. However…” Placing the paper down on a makeshift table, Hange pointed to the skeleton of the scouting formation, “We do know in the long range scouting formation, their unit was given false information, among those intentionally misled into thinking Eren was in the right wing.” You felt a migraine coming on, your head starting to pulse ever so slightly, which considering your situation and circumstances, you couldn’t be surprised.

Though, out of instinct, your eyes slid to Levi and his surroundings, just to make sure it wasn’t the bond telling you he was in some kind of danger. Which, taking note of what was next to and behind him, he wasn’t. Just a normal migraine. You didn’t know which was worse at this point. At least you could do something about him being in danger.

–What?– Walls, he still sounded irritated.

–Nothing. Just a headache.– You weren’t about to admit that you were staring at him to make sure he was okay. If you were anything, you were petty. 

Levi already knew about the headache, he could feel it himself. He also knew why you suddenly looked over at him. He hated that his heart softened slightly. He was still livid with you for fuck’s sake. But the way you instantly looked to make sure he wasn’t in harm’s way…

How was he supposed to be okay with you riding to battle without him by your side?

“Wait just a second… that’s the section Annie attacked!” Armin realised, causing Sasha to almost break her neck by whipping her head to look at him. 

“What? What does that mean?” She asked, barely able to keep her voice from shaking. 

“Well… it’s entirely plausible that they told her where they thought Eren was…”

“Huh…? But why would they do that…?” The poor girl asked, her head tilted to one side. You thought she was kind of sweet, in her own way.

Glancing to Hange, who had already put the pieces together before you, they nodded in confirmation to where you’d just ended up with your thoughts. Reiner Braun and Bertholt Hoover were the most possible candidates for the Armoured and Colossal Titans. 

“Where are you going with this Armin? You can’t just accuse–” Eren started what clearly was about to become a heated argument, before he was interrupted by the scientist at your side.

“I totally agree. There’s a difference between coincidence and correlation,” –but didn’t they just confirm your thoughts?– “However, I’m curious to know how the three interacted whilst training. So? What can you tell me?”

As per usual, it was Armin who spoke first. “I knew Reiner and Bertholdt were from the same region as Annie, but honestly? They never seemed that friendly toward each other.”

“Same here,” Eren continued. “You wouldn’t really catch them idly chatting away, and even when they did talk, it was usually curt. It wasn’t like Annie was very social to begin with.” 

You tried to stop your bubbling hatred at the way they were talking about the Female Titan as if she were a normal human girl, and not some twisted psychopath who’d ripped your family to shreds. But it was proving difficult.

“Yeah… at meals, she seemed to prefer eating by herself. I don’t know…” Sasha thought for a moment, before her face lit up and she slapped her own fist, an idea popping into her head. “Oh! I think I've got something that struck me as weird at the time!”

Okay. Sweet? Yes. Any sense of urgency or necessary words in a sentence? No.

“I heard she liked sweets!” 

Seriously? You sighed heavily. 

“I’ve got nothing…” Mikasa began, before her eyes lit up slightly too. You guessed that was her own version of slapping her hand in realisation. “Except maybe that–”

“Guys, what are we doing? These are our friends we’re talking about. Our comrades. Sure, Bertholdt never has a lot to say, but Reiner’s like everyone’s big brother, ya know?”

No, actually, you wouldn’t know. You had a little brother, and you couldn’t remember a single thing about him. Not even his face. Not even his name. 

“You really think he’s capable of lying to us?” Eren finished with a surprising amount of conviction for someone who’d seen first hand the devastation the Female left in her wake. 

“Not only that,” you chimed in. “But how would Leonhart have known to change course? Hange said that unit was fed false intel, so how could she possibly have known where we actually were?” It was a question more to provoke thought than to disprove theories, to get further answers flowing, because how could she have known?

“You both have a point. Reiner fought Annie with everything he had. Almost got himself squeezed to a pulp in the process. And as for–” Armin stopped dead in his tracks, as if remembering something. 

“Armin?” You prompted, causing the blond to raise his head again. 

“He broke free at the last minute… but afterwards, Annie changed her course. In fact, she ran straight toward where you were. I briefly mentioned that you were most likely towards the centre rank but there was no way she could possibly have heard me. She wasn’t in earshot at the time, I’m sure of it.” For someone who’s words carried such conviction, Armin really had to work on his tone sounding unsure of himself. His mind truly was brilliant, as was his memory, it seemed.

“Do you remember if he seemed overly interested in Eren’s location?” You pressed, knowing you were almost to the bottom of how the fuck Leonhart found your squad. And with what looked like dawning realisation, you knew you had your answer.

“Oh no… the only reason I brought it up was because Reiner asked where Eren might be…” You had to fight the instinct to cross the room and envelope the kid in a hug. This wasn’t his fault, he had no way of knowing. You of all people could understand misplaced blame, and you knew he’d be blaming himself. “There’s… something else. Once he broke free, she stood there staring at her palm, possibly–”

“Looking at whatever Reiner had just carved into it with his blades, right?” You felt the familiar fire of battle rise in your gut, now more ready than ever to take on the fucker who lead your friends straight to their deaths. 

Armin nodded in confirmation and with a hint of what you thought was gratitude that he didn’t have to say it out loud. “Maybe… maye Reiner is…”

The room fell stagnant, Levi briefly noticing that you could hear the whispers of the dead if you listened hard enough. He could feel your iron determination in his stomach and it only worsened his pool of dread. Convincing you not to do this might be harder than he initially thought. 

“What is wrong with you all…?” Eren began, looking desperately between his friends. “This is Reiner we’re talking about. The man’s been with us from the beginning. You don’t just–”

“Enough!” Hange interrupted, commanding an impressive amount of the room’s attention with one order. You couldn’t help but admire them briefly. “All of you, listen up. If you cross paths with the pair in question, don’t give them any indication of what we’ve discussed, okay? And under no circumstances are you to bring up Annie Leonhart in their company. Before we can ascertain whether or not they were co-conspirators, we must find, lure and contain them underground. That’s the plan, are we clear?”

The room was a well orchestrated chorus of “Yes, clear.” before once again soldiers started busying themselves around you.

“Right, we have to go. Now!” The sheer, stony determination in Eren’s voice brought a flare of pride to your chest. He’d just found out the entire room was suspecting one of his greatest friends as an enemy of humanity and he was still as ready as ever to gallop off into action. 

“Calm down, Eren.” 

How many times had you heard those words in exactly that tone? You glanced back to see Levi looking between the three, a hand still clasped at the jacket around his shoulders. “I need you all to listen. This is where we separate. Erwin had his reasons for throwing this rag-tag squad together, but right now this is all riding on you.”

You wanted to slap him. As if the kid needed any more fucking pressure.

“Armin, you and Hange are the brains. Use your combined knowledge to cook us up some kind of solution,” He barely waited for a response from the blond before moving on. “Mikasa, I don’t think I’ll ever understand why you’re so attached to this guy in particular but put your skills to good use. Protect him at all costs.”

Your suspicions about her own bond only solidified with her answer. “Sir, I intend to.” You could see how her and Levi were related in some way.

“And you,” he turned to Eren and you saw him flinch slightly. You imagined not many people could make him flinch, having a fighting spirit like his, but you also weren’t too surprised that one of those few people just so happened to be your partner. “Don’t fuck this up.” 

Great. Now you wanted to kick him as well. 

“Check your emotions, Eren,” you clenched your jaw when Levi glanced at you with a look of purpose only you could see. “Learn the meaning of the word restraint. If you let yourself succumb to blind rage all hope is lost. We can’t afford another mistake.” You borderline snarled as you felt each one of his words against your gut. You fucking knew he wasn’t just talking to Eren. You knew he was sending those messages to you too. But you weren’t succumbing to blind rage. For the first time since that day, you were seeing clearly. You knew what you had to do. This wasn’t some passionate, miscalculated display of fury. This was what was necessary in order for yourself, and humanity, to move on. 

“Alright everyone, we move out in five. Everyone, check your gear and any supplies you think you’ll need!” Moblit called out above the slight din. And so you left down the steps to do just that. To find a quiet room to check your gear and engage in possibly the hardest fight in your life so far.

Because there was only one thing more terrifying than a Titan, and he just so happened to be the other half of your soul.

You heard him before you saw him, uneven, thunderous footsteps echoing down the hallway before Levi’s hand slapped the door so hard you felt the tingles of pain in your own palms. Those extra few seconds gave you time to prepare for whatever was about to happen.

He slammed the door behind him, rending not the jumped response he was expecting from you. That did not bode well.

“You’re not going.” 

“You physically cannot stop me.”

“It’s an order.”

You stopped fastening the belts to your thighs, savouring the sharp burn over your stitches. “Then I guess this is insubordination.” You responded firmly, before moving onto the next strap. You’d made up your mind. You were going, and that was final.

“You’re fucking kidding me, right? Were you not listening?”

“Nope. You can’t stop me doing this, ‘Vi. Nothing can stop me from doing this. If this is a step closer to understanding what’s going on, then I have to help them take it.”

“Even if that means risking your life?”

You scoff, not looking up from the straps on your legs. Though you weren’t doing a lot with them, just mindlessly checking them with faux importance. “Levi, every step outside those walls we risk our lives. Why is this any different?”

“Fuck, do I really have to spell it out for you?” 

“You’re asking me to put this relationship above fighting for humanity?” 

“Yes!” He answered before even thinking about it. 

You both fell silent, staring at each other. Because in the end, that’s what this came down to. Choosing between him or humanity. You always thought you would choose him. Fuck the world, fuck the Titans, fuck everything. It could all burn if it meant you could stay with him. 

But that was before Levi gave you a reason to keep fighting. If anything, he only had himself to blame. “You of all people should know that’s not possible.” It was a spiteful, venomous jab of a comment, but there was no room left for sympathy in you right now. “There has to be meaning…” you whispered, and you could feel him stop, the fight draining from his heart.

“There will–”

“No. There won’t. Not if I don’t make sure of it. You told me… you told me we keep fighting to give their deaths meaning. So let me fight. Please, Levi. I have to. Because I don’t know how the fuck I’m supposed to continue if everytime I get hurt I fucking hide. If I can walk, I can fight.

“And I’m walking pretty damn well.”

Levi ran a hand through his hair. He knew this would happen eventually. Knew there would be a time where you would have to run into a battle without him, it was inevitable in the Scouts, and he was only human. 

But not yet. 

Not now. 

He thought you were fucking dead days ago. He thought he’d lost you. Having you close was the only way of knowing you weren’t dead. The bond hadn’t helped that day, what had helped was seeing you alive. 

What if he never saw you alive again?

“I can’t let you do this… If something happened and I wasn’t there–”

“Then you’d be dead too, so it doesn’t matter anyway.”

Silence.

“How can you fucking say that…? How can you say that after what happened…? We don’t even know if that’s how it works and you’re still willing to risk it?” It was a kind of betrayal Levi didn’t think he’d ever felt before. Because this was you choosing to go away. You were choosing to leave him behind and risk the bond, risk him. Because no matter what happened, bond or no bond, if you died, he would die too.

You’d been too caught up in your grief to really think about it. Being the one to almost die, the one unconscious, you hadn’t thought about what it was like for him, hearing your voice fade from his head, feeling your presence disappear from within his chest. You hadn’t thought about it, and your constant companion of guilt thrived because of it.

“Levi…”

“Don’t. That doesn’t matter.”

You tried to reach for him, but he stepped back. “You know, Erwin told me what you said your biggest fear was. Was it a lie?”

Tears pricked your eyes, whether from the all too real wound burning on your thigh from how tight you’d pulled the strap, or the all too real wound burning in your heart, you couldn’t tell. “...No, ‘Vi. It wasn’t a lie.”

When he finally met your gaze, you had to look away. You’d never seen him look so vulnerable, so torn apart. “Then why are you doing this?”

Why were you hurting him so fucking badly?

“You know why.”

Because it would only get worse if you didn’t do this. And you would never be able to forgive yourself. 

–I love you…–

“Then prove it…!” he begged, uncaring about the desperation breaking in his voice. “Stay…”

He knew the second he’d said it, you’d already made up your mind.

“...I can’t.”

His eyes widened slightly, taking a moment to comprehend what you’d just said and the meaning behind it. 

“Then what are we still doing?” 

Your entire world shattered with those words. You had no response, nothing to give him. You’d found yourself at a crossroads, two paths stretching either side. 

“What do you mean…?” you asked, too afraid to raise your voice higher than a whisper. 

Anger had fueled his words. Anger and hurt. He didn’t know how to get you to see, how to get you to back down from this. No amount of begging or pleading could get you to change your mind, so where was the point? His soul screamed at him to change his mind, but he ignored it. Wordlessly, Levi turned and left you there. For the first time in his life, he was walking away from you.

Gritting your teeth against your tears, it took you a second to push down your emotions. If you were really going to do this, you needed all your focus on the mission. Not on Levi. Wiping a stray tear from your cheek with the heel of your palm, you tried to pull on the bond between you, only to find no tension. He’d sealed his mind off from you, and you honestly couldn’t blame him.

You could fix this, right? You could… you could go on the mission, come back and talk about it, right? You had to. You didn’t have a choice. 

With a tug of finality on the last buckle on your thigh, you stood. And with a resolve you didn’t know you could muster right now, you strode down a path, hoping to fuck it was the right one. 

[goldenhallas]

I unlocked all the memories in the Lighthouse and I'm vibrating with excitement rn! so many things me and my brothers discussed over the years have turned out to be true, or almost correct. We thought the Evanuris were also the Old Gods of Tevinter, which was close since the Old Gods were actually the Evanuris' bound dragons. We also thought Solas/other ancient elves were spirits (the way I shrieked when that was confirmed lmao). Now looking back at Inquisition it gives a whole new layer to the Cole situation... Cole chose to manifest in a physical body and he could become more physical, more human, but Solas didn't want him to and greatly disapproves if you do that, not just because it 'goes against his nature' as he said, but because it reminded Solas of when he chose to become physical and his regrets surrounding that. Damn. I wonder if it's possible for Solas to somehow reverse what he did and become fully spirit again, and if he would choose that if he could? What about Ghilana/Solavellan, would she change his mind on that? Anyway I digress. You know what really has me shook about all this... I was literally 100% certain, not a doubt in my mind, that Ghilan'nain created the Blight. I never for one second suspected it was Solas!? Like. Holy shit, he really, really fucked up on a whole other level with that one. He separated the dwarves from the titans / took away their ability to dream, and not only that, but he knew the damage it would cause and what he was doing was awful, but he did it anyway. All because he loved Mythal so much he would've followed her anywhere, even into doom. It's so tragic and romantic and terrible all at the same time, so very Solas, and I love it. I have to wonder though... how does he feel about what he did to the dwarves now? Obviously he regrets what he did, that's clear, but why didn't he give their dreams back at some point between then and now? All it took was Harding touching the lyrium dagger to get reconnected to the titan, so surely Solas could've done that? So why didn't he? I know he was preoccupied with other stuff but that's a pretty damn big deal. Maybe he didn't realise a simple touch of the lyrium dagger was all it would take to reconnect them? Or maybe - and I think this is more likely - the titan is too dangerous right now because of its anger at what was done to it (understandable) and he thought reconnecting them before he healed/calmed the titan (if that's possible?) would be a bad idea for the dwarves? My brother thinks he just didn't care but I think that's ridiculous and doesn't seem like Solas at all.

I mean Solas could burn down the entire world and I'd still love him, so whatever the case I'm his ride or die, but I do want to give him a bit of a clip around the ears and make him look the dwarves in the eye and apologise to every single one of them and FIX what he did to them. I'm also wondering if this whole thing with Rook IS part of his plan to fix what he did? He was known as the trickster god and he was known for getting out of traps, so you never know

[gotham-daydreams]

How are you?

Busy, unfortunately!! Started college not too long ago, and all that - won't bore anyone with the details, though!! Sorry if I worried anyone with all the silence - I didn't even realize how long it's been! Wow!

Few things!!

1. HOLY HELL WE'RE AT 3K FOLLOWERS???? ALREADY???

I'VE BEEN TRYING TO CATCH UP AND COME UP WITH SPECIALS BUT OH MY GOD... There are so many of you!! And you all come in so fast!! It actually breaks my heart a little only because I haven't shown my best yet (or definitely feel like I haven't), which will definitely change! You guys deserve so much better! Though I'm still unsure what to do for specials... so ideas would be nice! I'd like to also do some late ones- since you guys 100% deserve it, and they're still milestones!! Though for 3k, I'll do something in the spirit of Halloween!... or fall if I'm late again- 😅

Regardless! I'm so happy for all the support!! It really is something that so many people see my posts, no matter how old, and interact with them! It's overwhelming, honestly, but I deeply appreciate it! Even more so when I have a habit of going to get the milk for a while, before coming back with a few cookies - LOL!

2. I've been seeing that my work has inspired a lot of people to make their own stuff, and it's super endearing and heartwarming!!! Really, even if I don't really comment and only interact with the posts on my main account, I still see them! And I love them!!! I'm honestly really surprised how much the Not [ ] Series has inspired others or served as inspiration for their work. It baffles me but I'm also really glad I was able to do that for someone! It's still insane, especially since I really don't see the series as my best work by a long shot, but I do still really admire and appreciate how people still took inspiration from it :]

To which, yes! I do read all of the works people tag me in LOL! I may not say much! But I do see it!! You're all amazing writers and I can't wait to see what you all make in the future!!

3. I will definitely try to catch up on asks! There have been a lot of them - which I'm very happy to see! So now that I have some time, I'll start to tackle them! I have a break coming up, so if not now, then definitely then! So, soon!

4. YES. CHAPTER 4 IS IN THE WORKS!! I doubt it'll be longer than 3 - I learned a lot during that, and I plan to not repeat my mistakes and take what I've learned. Though we'll see how it goes in actual execution!! I already forget what I've said on that end, and thanks to time I have made a few adjustments to the original plan, though the ending remains the same! Very... eventful!!

5. I AM TRYING TO GET A NEW SERIES OUT!! Because damn it do you guys deserve some quality on this blog!!! I'm not the best writer, obviously, but again, the Not [ ] is a farcry from what I can really produce, and even if I view it as a taste of what's to come - still!! Been also thinking of making it one of the romantic stories I had planned (seeing as a lot of platonic stuff has come out, which is cute!), but we'll see! 'Waiting' Reader has been on my mind... I'll say that much! Though maybe don't hold your breath...?

Overall, a little tired as usual, but glad to be back, and really kick start writing again! 💛... I say, at 5:30 am, like every great author!

[jayke0]

Hi you're my new fave writer... Thank you for your works <3

Anyways.. idk if this is a weird request but could you write a fem reader x steven fic where shes really turned on by how strong he is and at first hes oblivious to it but then plays into it.. like a strength/size difference kink

Oh my gosh thankyou! Holy cow i never thought I'd find my niche as a smut writer, but here we are 😅😅 i appreciate your love it means the world!

That is totally not a weird request, i love thinking about how strong the boys are, and especially steven. Size kink for the win!

Warnings/content: lots of talk about muscles/arms, strength kink, cunnilingus, praise, dom Steven, probably typos and bad grammar.

...........................................................................

You're sure that if Steven had his own body, he'd be nowhere near as jacked as Marc or Jake.

Not that you'd have a problem with that; afterall, you fell for the man's loving personality and contagious happiness rather than the body that the other two had worked so hard on sculpting.

That's not to say that you don't secretly enjoy the contrast between the sweet man's personality and the sheer size of his arms or pecs, though.

Every time he gets out of the shower, or changes his shirt, your eyes roam over his body like you're a teenage girl again, your tummy fluttering as he asks in his cute voice: "what's wrong, love?"

God he drives you crazy.

You can't even begin to think about him lifting you off your feet like he usually does without your cunt aching for him, the whole gesture feeling different when it's compared to Marc or Jake doing it. It's so effortless too, any worries you have about your weight being quickly resolved as he scoops you into his arms and carries you to bed.

At first, you were pretty sure you had your little fetish under wraps, hiding it away from the gorgeous man only to vigorously fuck your needy hole with three fingers whenever you were alone in your room again, imagining it's his thick digits sliding in and out of you as he pins you down on the bed.

Eventually though, you'd noticed how he seemed to be shirtless around you a lot more, or started carrying the groceries into your apartment for you, even now, he's torn his shirt off to help you move some furniture around in your living room. It's seriously made you wet, watching his forearms and biceps tense as he drags things across the floor and lifts your wooden chairs and table with seemingly no effort. By the end of it, you are both panting, with your boyfriend even having the audacity to turn to you and ask if you're ok as he wipes sweat from his curls.

You're closing the gap between the both of you before another sickeningly sweet word can pass his lips, pressing against him hard enough till there's no space between the two of you.

Steven whimpers on your lips as if he hadn't planned for this to happen the entire time he was strenuously moving your things around. "What's this for, pet?" He still feigns innocence.

"Because you won't stop looking so damn good doing… literally anything." You huff on his lips, frustratedly trying to pull your shirt off without breaking the kiss. A breathy chuckle from the man resonates through your body and to your core, only solidifying your theory that he'd meant for this to happen.

"But doesn't Jake and Marc usually do all this kinda stuff with you, love?"

You hate him so much for trying to pry your secret from your chest, finally being able to pull your shirt from your body with your jeans following soon afterwards.

"I mean, I usually do the soft stuff with you… but even Jake and Marc aren't enough for you, are they, pet?"

"Steven-" You whine, tugging on his slacks with the belt loops on his waistband.

"Answer me, c'mon love."

God his tone is so smooth and calm, a stark contrast to how he was when you first fucked on your couch…. speaking of; why are you both stood up still?

"No baby, they're not. I love them and what they do to me.. but I wanna see your rough side, please Steven."

You know he can't resist your begging, proven by the way he's pushing you to the floor in seconds and pulling your underwear down your hips and over your ankles with his own being kicked off in tandem.

"That's all i wanted to hear, dove, shit."

Expecting to feel his blunt tip pressing against your hole, you're instead surprised to feel his tongue running through your sopping folds and over your painfully sensetive clit. An embarrassing noise leaves your lips before you're clamping your hand over your mouth to contain the filth that threatens to spill past your lips; you love it when they give you head.

The man's tongue runs expertly over every inch of your throbbing cunt, making your hole clench around nothing as you grab a fistful of his hair.

"Oh baby- you know I love your tongue-"

Steven simply nods, the tip of his tongue teasing your entrance before he finally slides it inside, your warmth and taste engulfing his tongue and making him moan on you, which in turn vibrates through your nerves and makes you jolt against him.

His tongue sinks in and out of you repeatedly at expert speed, the base of it bumping against your clit in a way that makes you think that this man isn't even real, that he's instead an angel sent from heaven for your pleasure only.

Despite this, it's still not enough in Steven's opinion, and before you know it he's tucking his hands behind your knees and lifting you up the wall, pressing your spine against the cold hard brick.

It would be a painful position if your boyfriend wasn't distracting you with the pleasure spreading through your pussy and down your legs to your toes, the new angle exposing yourself to him in ways that you didn't even think were possible.

The manner in which he's holding you up against the wall and how well his tongue is working on you has you coming in minutes, shaking and crying out his name, thighs instinctively clamping shut around his head as his tongue sinks inside you one last time and you feel every nerve in your body resonate with pleasure.

"D'you think you can gimme another one, darling?"

His soft muffled voice brings you back to earth and you quickly release his head from the tight hold of your thighs with an apology. He lowers you down till you're face to face with him, big doe eyes looking at you intently as you feel his hard, leaking cock pressing against your swollen pussy lips.

You give him and shakey smile and nod as you wrap your arms around his neck.

"That's my good girl."

[not-poignant]

Hi! Okay, so I found you originally gods back in like, 2018? Maybe? Time is fake. Anyways you wrote my all time favorite fic, then I found you again recently through A Stain That Won't Dissolve and I am just absolutely devouring this one as much as the other.

My question is, I know you have you original works published (Which I just saw and had no idea about and will be thoroughly checking those out.) But, would you ever do physical copies of any of your AO3 stories? I'm guessing the answer is no on that and that's totally fine!! But the thought of having those fics in my grubby lil hands in the form of paper is such a satisfying thought. But I am just as happy having them in a lil folder in my chrome or downloaded to my phone completely.

Anyways I just need you to know that you are a gods damn holy being and I am so glad you exist because your writing gives me a reason to keep living ;-; thank you!

Hi anon!

So I won't ever do physical copies of my own fanfiction stories, unless I like commission a book binder to make some copies just for me.

But as for my original stories on AO3, I do really want to physically publish them. That was actually the plan for this year - to start doing this - but I hit what I like to call Mega Burnout, and struggled just to write, and have had to backburner a lot of stuff, a lot of plans. I started to edit Game Theory and then...yeah.

It is the plan though! It's become especially true actually with later stories like Underline the Black and Falling Falling Stars. I think these could be really good published as unconventional psychological fiction, and I don't mean 'really good' as in it will make me a lot of money - I don't think they will, Perth Shifters taught me that book publishing isn't for me if I'm doing it for finance reasons lmao - but I mean... just for the satisfaction of seeing my own fucking writing on my own bookshelves.

I'm weak, I want to see it somewhere where it feels substantial, and where I can hold it in my own hands, and it has a cover, and a proper copyright page, and an index. Where it can be not just in ebook form because AO3 will do that for you, but where it can exist for audiences who wouldn't touch AO3 with a 10 foot pole (because they like missing out on great stories or w/e).

It's very indulgent of me, but as I get older, I look at my bookshelves and increasingly think 'those folks who have enjoyed my stories - including me - should at least have the choice to put them on their shelves.'

If you're a bookbinder, or willing to print them out for yourself, and don't sell them in any way or form, you can of course do it for myself.

But it grows so much more important to me over time too. <3

[cairavende]

Worm Arc 14 thoughts from 14.8 through the end:

Gonna get a little bit gay up in here pretty soon. But first, some other stuff.

Pretty much jump right into "Oh shit everything is fucked" with the bio-weapon just spreading everywhere right away.

Skitter's focus on Tattletale specifically when trying to get them to higher ground was top level Chatterbug/Smugbug content. Like sure Sundancer and Trickster too, she wanted to save them. But when Bentley wasn't climbing fast enough what she said to herself in worry was "Tattletale."

Fucking god. Tattletale telling Skitter to fly to the higher building and use bugs so Trickster could teleport them and they'd follow? But fully knowing it wouldn't work and just trying to get Skitter to safety?

"It doesn’t look like her plan will work out. Tell her I’m sorry." - I WAS FUCKING BAWLING

I had figured that Bonesaw's contingency wasn't just a "everyone dies right now" virus or whatever. It would need to be artistic. And it would need to be a punishment to the local capes, both hero and villain. And the way to punish them would be to "take the city from them". "Make them watch it destroy itself." "Make them help".

I feel like what she did covered that general outline with a heavier focus on taking everything away from the capes. But still, god damn Bonesaw. Absolutely fucking terrifying. Super powered face blindness. At the base at least. Don't know who anyone is. Damn.

SKITTER IT'S NOT GAY YET THAT ISN'T TATTLETALE IT'S BONESAW! GAY WILL COME LATER!

If Jack put's his slimy fucking hands on my daughter again I will personally remove them.

The "Don't swear!" from Bonesaw while pretending to be Tattletale was fun. I managed to hit on it before that, but it was a good confirmation.

Fucking Jack and his "You’re versatile" after seeing Skitter make decoys while prepping to tie someone up with spiders. FUCK OFF WITH YOUR DREAMS YOU DICK. YOU CAN'T HAVE HER.

Instantly confirmed when Skitter flat refused to shoot someone despite Jack and Bonesaw telling her to. My daughter might not be perfect but she's not going to be one of you!

Coil fucked up a bit on the phone. He wasn't dealing with the pathogen so he should have done better. Even just asking everyone there to say something so he could listen to the voices. He would have known right away it wasn't Tattletale and Grue. Patching them through to Cherish that easily was a mistake. He really doesn't do as much as he could be. Like ya he's evil but that doesn't mean I'm not disappointed when he isn't using his full potential.

Cherish very fucked up when she thought letting Jack and Bonesaw know where she was would be good for her. Hope she likes her eternal torment at the bottom of the ocean. (Ok there's a chance she'll get pulled out in the future I guess.)

I'll admit, when Amy left with Victoria earlier I wasn't expecting to see them again so soon.

"Panacea is the healer, top floor, Jack is the slasher, the blond girl is the chemist-tinker." I don't know why, since it doesn't rhyme or anything, but I got very "The pellet with the poison's in the flagon with the dragon; the vessel with the pestle has the brew that is true" vibes from this.

Jack trying to convince Amy by talking about how many of her ancestors were successful by being cruel and Taylor just internally going "How many were successful because they cooperated?" Love my daughter.

Victoria is still very much . . . not dead.

HOLY SHIT AMY YOU PUT YOUR SISTER IN A PERSONALIZED FLESH COFFIN MADE FROM CATS AND DOGS?

Seriously. Personalized. It has her face on the outside made out of bone. What the actual fuck Amy?

Proud of my daughter for shooting Jack, even if it didn't work.

It's probably fine that Skitter got Amy to break her brain rule again. I mean like it's good. It was the only way to fix the pathogen. It saved herself and the city. That is all good. Just . . . there might also be some long term negative outcomes. Probably fine though.

Getting gets cured and goes off to cure the city be gay.

"I leaned forward and planted a quick kiss on her lips." - EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!

GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!

WOLFSPIDER WOLFSPIDER WOLFSPIDER!

SO FUCKING GAY I LOST MY FUCKING MIND WHEN IT HAPPENED

"'You couldn’t have waited until after you’d cured me before you put the bugs on your face?' Tattletale asked. She was smiling as she asked it." - ALSO EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!

SO GAY. DOUBLE GAY. EXTRA GAY. ALL THE GAY!

CHATTERBUGCHATTERBUGCHATTERBUG (SMUGBUG IS FINE TOO)!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Also the level of effort the girls went through after that trying to figure out how to cure Grue and Regent without kissing? Fucking amazing. Kissing was only ok for these three. Obviously.

GAAAAAAY

Gay (bug)horse girl gay (bug)horse girl gay (bug)horse girl

And the remainder of the Nine got away. Which is pretty fucking bad I guess. What with the whole "end of the world" and all that. I get that story point is the *actual* big end of the arc. But it's been overshadowed. By the gays.

Did I mention things being gay? I just want to make sure. Cause they were. Gay that is.

Interlude 1 - Sierra is amazing. She is exactly who Skitter needs to be running things while she's away. Charlotte is also amazing and I think worships the ground Skitter walks on. My daughter is, as always, absolutely terrifying when described from anyone else's PoV. She only gets more so every time. She just uses bug speak without even realizing now. Amazing. I love her. Atlas is helping and I'm so proud of him. He even got to take the gun. I hope he gets to keep it.

Interlude 2 (thought about making this it's own post but I'll just keep it really simple) - God dammit all three of the big 3 are Cauldron created? Ugh. Legend you appear to be trying to do the right thing but you sure as shit aren't paying much attention are you? Holy shit like, you believed so much of what the Doctor has been saying for years? God damn bud. How could you look at Cauldron and assume they *aren't* doing human experimentation? Especially since you know they have done it in the past! Like god damn man! At least you do kind of acknowledge that maybe you were purposefully ignoring the signs cause you wanted to be ignorant. Maybe there is a little bit of hope for you. Hell of a lore dump interlude though. Gives me lots to think about. Also I'd absolutely listen to The Number Man talk about spreadsheets all day long.

GAY

[bellatrixnightshade]

Family Means Fate

Hi! This story was based on this post of mine here. There is more info about it under the tag "fanfic: family means fate." Basically, this is a form of modern Au uses Rafal the Antarctic scientist I recall discussing with @liketwoswansinbalance, Rafal the girl dad, and some unused ideas from ATOTE and other stuff. I plan to make this fanfic shorter than some others in length. I will post this to Wattpad and a03 at another time.

Chapter One

Genevieve woke up to some muffled argument. She could discern that one of the speakers was her father. The other– she frowned. The other sounded a lot like her stepmother’s, who had just returned from a trip last night.

Gen was almost tempted to think it was a positively ruined weekend.

She rubbed her eyes and sat up in her bed. Arguments always put her in a bad mood, especially if they were in the morning. They reminded her of something else. Hopefully, though, if things were going sour between her father and Sophie (that evil woman!), things would become normal again. Saya, her damned twin, always mocked the idea or shrugged it off, but Gen had faith. And she rarely felt good about anything.

Minutes later, her father opened the door. The girls hardly locked their doors as a rule. Otherwise, he would grow suspicious and try to see what they were up to. Saya constantly broke the rule, and he would make her suffer for it. Genevieve always followed it. She didn’t have anything to hide. Not from him, at least.

Fluffles, her sister’s cat, entered the room at the same time. Gen pursed her lips in annoyance.

“Where’s Saya?”

“I think she went golfing with Myra this morning. It was a nice day, and James said he’d pick her up. I told him she should be back by one o’clock, otherwise I won’t be a very happy father. Rhian apparently will be joining us for dinner tonight.”

Ah yes. The iconic Uncle Rhian.

“Anyways, I came here to let you know to expect Sophie to come here soon. She wants to curl your hair. She didn’t like the way I was styling it. I personally thought it was neat and presentable enough, but she had different ideas. Said my wife didn’t teach me anything, though I hardly doubt I need to be taught. Especially not by– well, never mind. That surely opens up old wounds.”

Gen bristled at Sophie’s insult towards her mother but she didn’t say anything. “I guess that means I have to dress up then.”

“Yeah, you should.”

Gen got up, stepped over the cat, and approached her closet. She slid one door to the side, revealing her wardrobe. One thing that caught her eyes was a certain dress. A First Communion one.

She fingered her puffy white dress from ages ago. Well, actually, it wasn't pure white anymore. Time started to yellow it.

The only reason why she and her sister even had a First Communion was mostly due to their uncle, who was supposedly a devout Catholic. Saya complained that Uncle Rhian really had a mental illness (some form of OCD she claimed, but she was no psychologist so Gen discarded her opinion) and that, if people looked closely, he wasn't as practicing as he seemed. He was one person in church and another out of it.

It was the one of two times she received Communion, because all the other few times she went to Mass, her father stayed in the pews and she herself hadn't confessed her sins. She learned from Sunday school that a soul in some sort of sin (she would have to ask her sister which type it was, because there were two) couldn't go. The second time was her confirmation. Genevieve barely understood the point of a confirmation. Nothing in her life changed: no speaking in tongues, no fire falling from the sky, no healing power or prophecy, which were supposedly signs of the Holy Spirit. Rafal only mentioned some details here and there about his own confirmation ages ago, with Rhian, and provided some pictures. Gen was confused on what his chosen saint was: she thought it was Thomas the Apostle, the skeptic (very much like her sister, to be honest– always doubting), but Saya said it was Thomas Aquinas.

Her father wasn't religious but he wasn't exactly a disbeliever either. He did have his daughters baptized in the church with saint names, Rhian, of course, being a godfather to Gen. His practice was lousy and lukewarm at best, with some Miraculous Medals and scapulars being worn and the occasional rosary or novena. He didn't receive anything because he was a remarried divorced man. Rhian made such a big deal about it every Christmas and Easter before Mass, but Rafal had no intention of “fixing” his life. Well, so it seemed. Her mother was an ex Catholic who turned atheist. She did get married inside a Catholic Church only because of family. And thus, she nor Saya were very religious themselves.

Rafal had brought her out of her thoughts.

"You still have that old thing? Sophie will tell you to throw it out.”

“It’s for memories’ sake,” Gen said quickly. “And I won’t like her snooping through all my things, either. She’s just here to torture my hair.” At this moment, Fluffles brushed against Gen’s legs and ran off as perfume wafted inside the room. Perfume she found repugnant.

“Good morning, Sophie,” Gen tried to say as sweetly as possible. Her father rarely became angry with her, but Gen’s rejection of Sophie had been a source of his anger in the past. She hadn’t seen him cross with her since the time she and Saya used his debit card without his knowledge (he was livid that day) or when he had caught them on their mother’s tablet late at night on the way to get Nyquil for his cold. Oh, and when Saya had to go to the ER after an April Fool’s prank, courtesy of Gen, or when she pushed her twin down the stairs and gave her a nosebleed during a fight.

“Rafal wouldn’t let me color your hair,” Sophie complained, glaring at him. “I don’t see why. I think you’d look lovely with some red! The iron’s already heated up, and I don’t like to be kept waiting. The good thing is, I can rest assured you do have your beauty sleep unlike your sister, poor thing.”

“I think I will have to take her switch away,” Rafal said. “This is why I never was on board with video games being allowed in this household in the first place, but of course, we all know how my brother is.”

“It’s a miracle Saya even gets good grades,” Genevieve commented. “With that attitude she always has.”

“She does come off as ungrateful at times,” Rafal replied. “And I noticed– not that it really matters, anyway– that she’d rather go to anyone but me. You, Sophie, Rhian, Myra. Literally everyone but her very own father.”

Gen couldn't understand why she could never be happy with the way things were. What did Saya want? Their father did everything to stay as long as possible with them, but she was furious when he quit his job that took him all the way to Antarctica for months. Their mother was busy but soon, she would be with the family again and there would be no need of resignation or whatever. And maybe, Saya had to accept she was less. She had Gen's same GPA to be sure and got amazing grades, but everyone knew Gen was smarter, and what was wrong with that?

“I’m waiting,” Sophie hissed. “Do you want that thing to die out in a few hours? That is an expensive one!”

“Right. Genevieve, don’t keep her waiting.”

Genevieve nodded and begrudgingly followed along.

⁛⁛⁛⁛⁛⁛⁛⁛⁛⁛⁛⁛⁛⁛⁛⁛⁛⁛⁛⁛⁛⁛⁛⁛⁛⁛⁛⁛⁛

Rhian had stopped by for dinner as expected, with something to complain about.

Genevieve opened the door for him, and he entered the house immediately demanding to see his brother. Rafal and Saya were arguing in another room, and Genevieve interrupted them. Saya looked relieved but Rafal wasn’t about to let the matter drop just yet.

“Why did you use all my rewards?” Rhian started out sweetly, not about to let his brother avoid him.

Rafal turned away from Saya. “What do you mean?”

“My Panera rewards. I went there today after picking up a frappuccino. I had some discounts I wanted to use. When I was about to pay, the cashier found nothing. Said it was already used.”

“Oh. That.”

“By drive thru pickup.”

“I called for the manager and he gave me a discount, to my surprise, but I never want to see you using my account again, Rafal.”

“I needed something to pick up that day,” Rafal answered calmly. “It was stressful. Stupid, uncooperative students, papers to correct…”

Rhian frowned, but smiled again. “Never mind about that. How are the girls?”

“Genevieve is doing well. Her teachers like her and ask her to help the other students with their classes. Saya has nothing much going on.”

Gen was beamng at this point. Her sister looked deflated.

“Do you have a problem with me speaking favorably of your sister?” their father sharply demanded.

“No.”

“Then why do you look as if you lost your cat?”

“I’m tired, but all you seem to want to do is argue about accounts and brag about how special and amazing Genevieve is. She doesn’t even remember your birthday, Dad. It was yesterday and she almost went through the whole day saying nothing to you or Rhian. She always forgets. Even Sophie gave you something after she came home with you from the airport yesterday.”

“Many people don’t remember.”

“She could have put it on her calendar. She has a damn phone, doesn’t she? But go on, defend her bullshit like you always do.”

Rhian fidgeted uneasily. “Do we have to eat here? I was thinking… Midas showed me a restaurant the other day. Buffet style. Lovely. A bit pricey.”

Rafal sighed. “Why are you talking with Midas? I thought he hated you.”

Rhian smiled. “No, he doesn’t. We’ve just had misunderstandings.”

“Yeah, sure.”

Genevieve was startled, because Saya always responded to things exactly like that. It made her ingratitude even more unacceptable.

Poor, jealous sister. Hating on the only people who had ever loved her while trying to get attention from the woman who was trying to destroy their home and to stop Mom from coming back to them. Hell, she didn’t even believe Mom was ever coming back.

But Gen knew the truth. It just needed time.

[geekgemsspooksandtoons]

Godzilla 2014 made me believe cinema was real again.

That is...such a weird title and statement. It started off as “This film made me believe cinema was real again.” which is again, still very weird. But after seeing Fast X yesterday, I REALLY wanted to see this film. I have not rewatched it in some years. It’s been an hour since I watched it.

But yeah, Godzilla 2014. The first film in the Monsterverse. A film that is loved or hated by whoever you talk to. But what are my thoughts on it after not seeing it fully I assume for nearly four years.

I was a bit more critical or so years back. But let me just get straight to the point. Because I won’t make this a detailed review (Turns out, it became detailed, I took an hour and nearing two to finish this) and won’t spoil anything despite the film will be ten years old next years. Despite the concerns of how I would feel when I would watch it. Here’s what I think now about the film...

I FUCKING LOVE THIS FILM.

I SHIT YOU NOT.

(Again, this got detailed, there’s more to read in the keep reading option)

Granted, I totally get the criticisms and nitpicks people have towards this film. But to me, this is likely the BEST start to an American Godzilla franchise. And I feel like since I’m older now. I appreciate this film more so now than when I was younger. Mainly because I think my priorities are different. And also again, a film I saw yesterday just...what I watched yesterday. I also planned on watching Godzilla 2014 sometime, but I felt the time was now because oh my God. I needed this.

Again, I totally get the criticisms towards this film. Let me get straight to the point. I really think some of the advertising did not do this film well. Despite how powerful the promotions were. I legit think some of it needed to be different. Because the expectations were high. But also, the main protagonist, Ford Brody.

In all seriousness, even though he’s a passive protagonist, even though he doesn’t seem like it when I look back at it. While Joe Brody’s performance by Bryan Cranston is undeniably powerful. Especially that emotional scene with him and his wife. But I don’t mind Ford, Aaron Taylor Johnson does a good job. Everyone does a good job with the roles they are given. The best ones I think are Ken Watanabe as Ishiro Serizawa and also again, Bryan.

I feel like maybe the best option to me would’ve been to combine the characters of Joe and Ford into one character. Which may be difficult. Or somehow convince the audience in the promos, “No, this isn’t Godzilla vs Walter White. Please don’t expect that.” Because I legit feel like the roles are pretty good in where they are at. I do agree that maybe give more humanizing moments with Ford despite he’s already a fine character. Maybe moments with him family that’s more akin to something like Roy Scheider’s Chief Martin Brody (Amusing they both have the same last names) from Jaws. Maybe a moment similar to this between Ford and Sam. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5AiYQtzRD8w

Yet we do have a scene with his family. I’m rambling on, but honestly, none of the human characters are bad.

Maybe Ford could’ve used a character arc to maybe get people invested in his character. But again, none of the characters bothered me. They all do their jobs fine within the story they are in. Now, let’s get to the other parts.

BECAUSE HOLY SHIT. I WISHED I COULD’VE SEEN THIS FILM IN AN IMAX THEATER.

But in all seriousness, with the room I’m sleeping in. It can feel like my own theater room in a way. But seriously, there so much good stuff in this film. Such as the score, its fit so damn well. Even though it may not be the iconic Akira Ifukube theme which they weren’t allowed to use. But it fits damn well with this film.

Let me tell you this and I got to get to this point this. Brian Rogers stressed his and Legendary’s wish was to revive Godzilla in the same fashion Legendary did with Batman. And the influences for Godzilla 2014 were films like Jaws, Alien, and Close Encounters of the Third Kind. With Gareth stating he grew up watching Spielberg films and wanted to do the same thing with this. Along with growing up with early 80′s and late 70′s action films. 

Let me tell you this. Despite whatever issues I may have with this film. But it’s not a whole lot. But let me tell you this, I think they managed to actually do that. They actually did it. Because this film is likely in my list of favorite Godzilla films. I now get what I thought they said they were trying to do “The Dark Knight” of Godzilla. Yet that wasn’t an official quote, I took that Legendary quote wrong of them reviving Godzilla the same way they did Batman. But I must say, they did well on that.

I legit felt excited and happy watching this film. Especially at certain epic moments and the more tense moments. Those were good, this is a legitimate good film. Because I’ll say this, it’s fine some people may find this film boring, and complaining about the fights being at nighttime. Or cutting off away from the fights at times. I totally get that. Do I wish some of that was dealt with differently? Absolutely, but I am fucking happy.

I haven’t even talked about Godzilla and the MUTO’s. I’ll always love Godzilla, the portrayal of him, and all that. He’s a presence when he’s on screen and my God, he is done incredible justice. The “Last Samurai” approach to his character works well here. And despite my strange feelings towards them. But I seem to love the MUTO’s more than ever. Or it’s mainly because I love their uniqueness and how different they are. While they aren’t characters like King Ghidorah, Destoroyah, Gigan or the Gryphon from the original screenplay for TriStar’s Godzilla. But that’s okay, they’re so different and have so many elements that make me appreciate them as characters. Kind or...more so than some of their original concepts. That being Rokmutul and Pterodactyl. But fuck, I would’ve loved those guys too. But again, the MUTO’s make more sense.

There’s so much good stuff in this film. The production value, the directing, again, the score and so much other stuff. But I think I’ve rambled long enough. While I could be overpraising it and the Godzilla franchise has been on my mind lately. Including that ridiculous title I wrote for this post.

But alias, I was legit happy watching this film. And again, now that I’m older, I appreciate this film much more. And I’m someone who loves films like Kong Skull Island and Godzilla KOTM 2019.

This is such a good film. 

[camels-pen]

a solution like clock repair

Ao3 Link

Chapter 3: well-oiled machine

“So you can’t do stuff unless it’s for the greater good?”

“I can, but it is difficult. It is not any restriction on my powers, it is simply a,”—they held up two peace signs, flexing them up and down like rabbit ears—“‘me thing’.”

Holy shit. “Grampa you actually used quotation marks correctly! I knew you had it in you.” Danny grinned. This changed everything. Wait until he let Sam and Tucker know—

The moment he thought of Sam and Tucker, he started to think of Jazz too, and then. 

His parents. And the memory of two days before waking up in his room, his torso covered in bandages and his organs displayed like a middle schooler’s first baseball trophy, lined up along a shelf among a watchmaker’s possessions. 

He sighed. No matter how he tried to avoid thinking of them, it always circled back to those damn ‘trophies’, though Danny felt disgusted just thinking of them like that.

The little school of blobs that had passed through his parents’ portal months ago had long made a home in the park, largely sleeping phased into the ground during the day and roaming the night air looking for entertainment or a source of food during the night. They were largely herbivores—or, well, when they decided they wanted to eat something, all except one were herbivores while one was intensely in love with insects—and each and every one of them absolutely adored eating raspberries.

Over time, Danny and his friends, and much of the town as well, learned to keep a handful of raspberries or other pieces of fruit on their person to give to any blob that came by to play or say hello. More often than not, the blobs would patiently wait for the fruit to be held out, offered on an open hand, and Danny would always indulge them regardless of the sticky mess afterwards. 

Each blob had their own personality, their own likes and dislikes, and their own favourite people whom they loved to hound for snacks every time they saw them. None of the blobs particularly favoured him, but a few really took to Sam and one was fond of nibbling on Tucker’s hat when he wasn’t paying attention.

They were harmless. Truly and completely harmless.

There was no reason to—

He took an unnecessary breath.

Clockwork didn’t get it. Not fully. But seeing what his parents did to that little school of blobs, not even for the sake of research—though that wouldn’t have made it much better—but just because they could. Just because they wanted somethings to mount in their lab and thought these tiny little ghosts that were practically the equivalent of kittens would be the perfect candidates and he didn’t know—didn’t do anything about it—

His lips trembled and he felt something ache in his core. His eyes burned.

A hand laid atop his head. “You are thinking too much, I believe.”

Danny huffed a laugh. “Maybe.” 

“Let’s get to the lesson then, hm?”

“Just—” He took a deep breath. “Just gimme a sec.”

---

He didn’t know how long it had been. (Lie. He knew exactly how long it had been.)

He certainly had missed school by now. (True. By at least 1 hour, 27 minutes, and 52—53—54 seconds.)

The little yellow bird had popped out 9 more times, with Danny becoming less and less annoyed each consecutive time. He’d even started to anticipate the little guy coming out to say hello and giving little pats on the head when it did pop out. 

After all, without the small bit of company at the start of the hour, Danny didn’t have much to keep himself preoccupied from his thoughts.

He’d heard the sounds of food trays being set outside and replaced periodically. Not that he went out to get them. Not that he left from underneath the bed, his single- well, not safe haven exactly, but the closest equivalent.

He wanted to rage and seethe and build up a wall of burning anger around him to shield himself from whatever it was Clockwork had planned for him. To cut and slash and scar them like they did him. To make them think twice before trying this again with other parts of him.

But no matter how Danny tried to bring up that same anger from before, it fizzled near instantly. Without being in the heat of the moment, and in the face of Clockwork’s best attempt at looking like a sad, sopping wet cat—somehow without getting near a speck of rain and being completely dry—he knew it was a lost cause.

Danny just couldn’t stay mad at Clockwork—they were just like any other grampa he’d seen on TV. Those guys were always trying their best to do right by their grandkids, but usually ended up making a mess of things in the end. Clockwork was no sitcom character, but they fit the same idea.

Besides, it didn’t necessarily... feel wrong, what they did. From a moral standpoint he was still completely horrified, don’t get him wrong, but nothing in his body hurt. No painful aftermath from the... procedure despite the impressive looking scar under his bandages. And he felt fine from a general standpoint too. Better than fine even; it was the first time in a long time he didn’t feel the phantom aches and pains that came with constantly fighting ghosts and getting shot at by his own parents. 

He meant what he said to them, before they had entered the workshop. He had trusted them not to hurt him. And technically, physically, he felt no hurts. But mentally....

He hugged himself tighter. It would take a while for him to stand being in the same room as them, if he ever managed it again.

His parents only ever threatened to cut open his ghost half, but at least they were up front about it—they never minced their words or spoke in riddles when telling Phantom, making sure he knew exactly what they wanted to do to him. Of course, it wasn’t for his own benefit, but still, he preferred it that way. Honest and straight with him. And he could always rely on Fenton—before time was rewound or their memories reset, his parents had accepted his half-ghost status a couple of times now—

Former half-ghost status. He wasn’t sure what he was now.

And Clockwork—Clockwork hadn’t threatened anything. Had hardly given any details and disguised it as—as some sort of gift. And they seemed to really think he’d prefer himself this way. More ghost than human, assuming he was still human at all. Assuming he wasn’t a full ghost now with a few human bits here and there floating inside him.

It wasn’t a pleasant thought.

He wished the bird would come back.

He wished he knew what the hell Clockwork was really thinking. Wished they’d just be blunt with him for once and just explain without rhyme or riddle.

Danny held his cut up hand in front of him, using a thumb to gently trace around each cut, each splinter. The lack of blood made it seem fake, like a tear in a hot air balloon that he’d seen in old cartoons. And without the red-green mix staining his palm, he could clearly see something pink. It looked like the uncooked chicken breasts his mom would get from the store.

The boy wrapped his left hand carefully around his right and pulled them down to rest above his h—above his core. He curled into as tight a ball he could and wished he could disappear.

---

Danny wrapped his arms around himself and hunched forward, continuing to breathe deeply—in and out, in and out—and trying to mimic his old warmth. He shivered. 

He watched as Clockwork’s tail floated out of view, followed by sounds of rummaging through drawers. “Now, where did I…” they mumbled to themself. A horrible smell, worse than his dad’s stinky socks, wafted out from one of the drawers and they quickly shut it. Before Danny could say anything, Clockwork said, “I will get to it.”

“Let me guess, ‘it’s on the list’?”

“As a matter of fact, yes.”

Danny laughed, putting a hand to his forehead and brushing away a few loose hairs. “Of course it is.” He let the silence linger a bit longer before his thoughts began to spiral again. He pulled his hand out of the death grip he had on his bangs. “Uh, h-have you done anything you’ve put on that list, or has that same list been there since, like, the beginning of time?”

“Don’t be silly,” they said. “There was no paper at the beginning of time.”

“You didn’t answer the question.”

They huffed. “I have, indeed, completed a single task on my list.”

Danny looked up a bit, staring at Clockwork’s back, at their hair, at their cloak as the hood bounced slightly with each drawer Clockwork sifted through. “What was it?”

“What was what?”

“The task.”

“Ah, er—” Er? Danny’s eyebrows raised. He didn’t think he’d see the day Clockwork stumbled over their words. “I don’t think it would be helpful if you knew about it.”

“Maybe not, but you not wanting to tell me only makes me wanna know more.” Danny stood up out of his chair, walking over behind Clockwork to tug at their cloak. They ignored him. He floated up to poke their body in various places, mostly going for where their kidneys would have been if they were human.

“I really don’t think it’s necessary I tell you. And it was something rather mundane; I don’t know if I even remember it anymore,” they said, voice a bit strained. He tried to lean around them to get a look at their face. They turned away, suddenly opening a new drawer further away, while leaving the current one wide open. 

“Wait, are you embarrassed? Is that what this is?” What little of Clockwork’s mouth he could see, pursed. “Oh my gosh you are. Now I have to know what it was.”

“Ah, finally,” they said, tugging out a dark blue fabric. They shook it out and wrapped it around Danny’s shoulders. “There you go.”

He touched the fabric, pulling up the excess to inspect it by lifting his arms. “What’s this for?”

Clockwork pinched two edges of the fabric together under his neck and used something to pin them in place. Then they laid their hands on his shoulders, rubbing them a bit through the fabric. “You looked cold.” Their brows were turned up in worry, but they also wouldn’t meet his eyes. “I wish I could fix it for you, so you didn’t have to feel it, but this is the best I can do.”

Danny smiled, hearing the meaning behind the words. Clockwork still had a ways to go in terms of learning to say what they meant, but they’ve made good progress. 

“I know, Grampa,” he said, patting one of their hands. “But it’s not exactly something you can fix.” It’s not exactly something he wanted to fix anyway. For all his moaning and groaning at the start, and the way he yearned to feel real warmth again, Danny couldn’t muster up any real desire to go back to how he was. “It’s not all bad, at least I’ll never get frostbite again.”

“Never get Frostbite what?”

Danny shook his head, exasperated. “Not Frostbite the person. Frostbite the—uh.” What was frostbite? An illness? An injury? “Anyway, it’s a human thing that sucks—” Clockwork’s mouth twitched. “Oh, I saw that! You’re not slick, Gramps!”

---

It took a few more hours, a few more visits from his little friend—whom he started to welcome to the outside world by singing about the mouse and the clock—but Danny had given in.

He needed to know exactly what Clockwork was trying to do. Needed to know if all of this was a scheme all along to make him think they were this kind and caring grampa when they were really just trying to use him for their own plans.

So, a few moments after his bird friend had retreated behind closed doors, Danny floated out from under the bed, out from the safety of his room—ignoring the cold plate of chicken soup placed beside the door—and headed down to the kitchen. He paused at the bottom of the steps, just outside the entryway where Clockwork was mumbling to themself about ‘easing friction’.

Danny wasn’t afraid of Clockwork. But he wasn’t not afraid of Clockwork too. Either way he didn’t want to do this. He had to, of course, but he wanted to run back to his room and take deep conscious breaths until his little bird friend returned, then maybe try again later.

Danny stepped into the room.

The ghost with powers over all time was… hunched over the table, several bottles of varying shapes and sizes set out on the table and smelling like an amalgamation of different oils, cooking and not.

When they noticed his presence, they pushed out of their chair. “Daniel!” They raised a hand partway towards him before quickly pulling it back, as if burned. They clasped their hands tightly in front of them. “I—er, Are you—” They huffed in frustration. “How… are you?”

And Danny could try to figure out what they meant to say, but he was tired and cranky—and maybe just the slightest bit scared after all—and felt a growing anger, less intense than before but just as righteous, start to fill him up.

“That’s not what you want to ask,” he said, voice low and fists clenched. “And you trying to be nice and cryptic is what got me in this situation in the first place. So how about you just be blunt with me, so we’re both on the same page.”

“It is… imperative that children are raised with—with words that don’t hurt. And words that tell the truth,” they said.

“I don’t care about what children should be raised with. I care about you being honest with me so we don’t misunderstand each other.” Danny brought a hand up to grip at the fabric of his sweater, above his chest. “So that this doesn’t happen again.”

Clockwork pursed their lips. “I understand that, but even so. It is… difficult for me to speak bluntly. It pertains to my powers, but to keep it short: you are not the first person, ghost or human, that I’ve had to advise on time travel related matters.” They rubbed a thumb on the back of their hand. “It is imperative I give impartial and informative advice, while avoiding any—what did you call them? Ah, spoilers.”

“So… what?” His hand tightened in his sweater. “You’re not going to bother even trying because it’s some bad habit you can’t break?”

“It isn’t—Of course, I’ll—” They were gripping their hands to a point that must have been painful. “You mean so much to me, Daniel. I only want what’s—”

“What’s best,” he finished with a snarl. “Of course. Because I was just the funny little abomination you kept around.”

“No—” Clockwork put up their hands, placating. “No, I want what’s best for you. And please, don’t call yourself—”

“You’re just lying to me to make it seem better! To make it seem like you never even did anything wrong!”

“I’ll admit, I am still struggling to understand, but—”

“Struggling? You think you’re struggling? I’m half-fucking time machine now!”

“Yes, in a sense. Objectively though, it is an improvement—”

“So you fucking admit that this was all some scheme of yours! You only cared about tinkering with a new little pet project—you didn’t care about me, you never cared—!”

They slammed their hands on the table. “I HAVE ALWAYS CARED!”

Their booming voice echoed around the room, making Danny flinch and stunning him speechless. The hairs that had come loose from Clockwork’s disheveled braid moved with their heaving chest, up and down and up and down. 

For a moment, their face kept that furious look of anger. Furrowed brows, flared nostrils, grit teeth. Then their eyes met Danny’s and all at once they deflated.

“I have always cared about you, Daniel,” they whispered as they slumped back down into their seat, head bowed. “Whether you were aware of it or not.”

Danny’s thoughts from earlier, of a fictional well meaning grandparent in way over their head, started to eat at him, reminding him of his original goal when he came down here. He sighed, feeling tired. “I can understand keeping spoilers to yourself, but I need you to talk to me, Clockwork, in a way I’ll understand.” He huffed a humourless laugh. “We’re not all immortal beings with control over time—”

Clockwork lips pursed tighter. Danny paused, a rock sinking into his gut. “Wait. Wait wait wait—is that it? Is that why you mentioned spoilers? Am I going to—”

“No,”—they cut him off—“I simply wanted to make it easier to understand my perspective.” 

“Then, was it something else?” He frowned. “Did I mumble about wanting to be a time telling cyborg in my sleep or something?” It wouldn’t be okay—Danny doubted there was any kind of excuse to make what happened even remotely okay—but it wouldn’t be as bad as some of the other options.

“It was something you said a few days ago.” 

Danny wracked his brain. He didn’t have to think hard to figure out what day it was, but he was hard pressed to remember anything that he said to Clockwork. Anything that might’ve warranted clockification. He was coming up with nothing. 

“What did I say?” he asked.

“You said, ‘What if I don’t want to experience it?’” they said, voice monotone as they continued to stare at the tabletop. “You were implying you were going to deliberately bring about an End to your existence.”

Oh. Right. That.

So, you thought making me more like you would make me want to live more? What kind of fucked up cyberpunk fantasy are you living in? Is what he wanted to ask, but with Clockwork finally making an effort at clear and unambiguous honesty, he thought he should return the favour. He didn’t think he could outright say how long he’d been struggling with it, but…

“I’m sorry for jumping to conclusions earlier, I feel bad about it, but were you really that worried about losing one of your funny little grandkids that much—” 

“You, Daniel James Fenton, are my only grandchild.”

Danny blinked. Opened his mouth. Closed it. Blinked again. “But you said there were others—?”

“I have advised others, yes, but I have only ever claimed one child as my own. As my family.” They lifted their head. “That was you, Daniel.”

And suddenly—suddenly things were starting to make more sense.

Suddenly, he could put himself in Clockwork’s cloak. Could imagine what it must have been like for the small bit of family they had—the family that accepted them for who they were, that stuck by their side, that loved them with every fiber of their being—to admit to wanting to disappear forever. Could imagine their fear that their family might be fine one moment and then gone the next. Clockwork didn’t want to risk that happening so they took matters into their own hands.

And he understood.

He understood far too well.

It smelled like explosive hot sauce.

“Even if there were others, they would not be you.” Their stern voice brought Danny back to the present. “There is only one of you, Daniel, and I couldn’t bear to be without you.”

And Danny—he must have been projecting his own worries, his own mistakes, earlier because—“I’m not anybody special. And—And you said you wanted to make me ‘better’. You only wanted that because I was weak and cowardly in the first place.”

“You are not.” They sat up straighter, a determined look in their eyes. “You are a brave and powerful being in your own way—more than many ghosts, humans, and other creatures I’ve met.”

Danny felt a little warm and tingly inside—especially in his chest and travelling up to his face, all the way to the tips of his ears.

He’d think it was a brilliant green flush creeping across his skin… if he still had any blood-ectoplasm left in him to travel the distance. If he still had a heart to make it travel the distance.

“Comparing me to humans doesn’t really work anymore.” He raised his hands, staring at them. His right hand hadn’t scabbed over at all. “I don’t even know if I can turn human again.” He curled them slightly, feeling his throat start to close up and a burning behind his eyes.

“You should still be able to shapeshift. I didn’t do anything to your core,” Clockwork said, a touch of confusion in their tone. 

They didn’t understand. How could they? They weren’t Vlad. And even Vlad wouldn’t fully get it, since he wasn’t turned part machine. Shapeshifting was never the same as a transformation, but then—nothing was like transformation. And Danny was worried that the moment he even so much as spared a thought to seriously trying it, he’d find himself locked out of it or, worse, that the place in his core where it was usually stored—where he would nudge it out, or pull if he was particularly exhausted—would just be…

Empty.

He—he couldn’t handle that. So, if he never touched it—never even thought about touching it, then it would always be there. A last resort. A final option. Something to fall back on in the worst case scenario, where he’d have to cut all ties and try to find a way to hide himself from a ghost with the ability to see everyone and everything at every point in time.

Clockwork said they didn’t touch his core, but—but what if removing his organs removed his humanity? Or at least a big enough part of it that he wouldn’t be able to change back? What if he couldn’t return home? Couldn’t return to his friends and Jazz? What if he’d never have a break from his parents constant shooting and threats and—

What if he was a full ghost, truly and utterly de—?

“Daniel.” He jumped. Clockwork’s voice was much closer now. “Please have a seat before you collapse.”

He nodded. Slid into an open chair. Clockwork returned to their seat, sitting beside him.

“There is much we need to discuss,” they said. “But perhaps first we can focus on simpler things and work up to the harder stuff.” They gestured a hand at the oils littering the table.

“I’m still mad at you,” Danny said plainly.

“I know.” They put an arm around him.

“I have serious trust issues with you now.” He leaned into them, the words muffled in their cloak.

“I know.”

“...I love you.”

“I—” They paused, squeezing his shoulder once. “I love you too, Daniel.” 

---

Clockwork chuckled. “I have no idea what you mean.”

Danny was going for a huff, but ended up with chattering teeth as he shivered again. “Fuck.” He held the fabric tighter to himself.

“Hmm, perhaps this will work better.” Clockwork turned Danny to face the mirror. “What do you think?”

Danny stared at his reflection, eyes widening.

The fabric was actually a cloak, similar in style to his grampa’s but with a few added details. 

There were hand stitched constellations all over it, with little five pointed stars dotted across the blue-gray trim. There was even a little hood poking over his shoulder. A blue gear outlined in black was holding the cloak closed, a small black ‘D.P.’ in the centre of it.

For the first time in weeks, Danny felt warmth—true, all encompassing warmth—bloom outwards from his chest. He startled a moment, pulling the fabric aside to check on his mechanisms. They hadn’t changed. 

“Why can I—?”

“Ah, there we go. I had a feeling sentimentality would work better than physical means. You are part human after all.”

The boy blinked. “What?”

“There is always an adjustment period for former humans and other living creatures to get used to their new bodies. I imagine for ice cores it isn’t much different.”

“You… don’t know,” he said, mystified.

Clockwork grimaced. “I am sorry, but I do not have an ice core nor am I fully aware of what is happening to you.” He appreciated the honesty, at least. “I thought, as ice cored ghosts typically need something to give off extreme heat to melt even the slightest bit—of which I do not have—and humans sometimes hold each other to share heat, plus they enjoy sentimentality so….” they gestured with their hand to the cloak.

“Did you make this today?” Danny paused. “What am I talking about, of course you did. You’re the Ghost of Time.”

“That I am, however I did not, in fact, make it today.” They picked a bit of lint off his shoulder. “I was keeping it hidden for your birthday.”

A thought struck him and Danny felt a wave of guilt wash through him. “Fuck, uh, sorry.”

“There is no need to apologize. You would have received it eventually.”

“Not for that—I mean in general.” He waved a hand at the room. At the absent jars. The absent ice figurines of a miniature Grampa relaxing in a ski cabin snow globe. Presented on New Year’s since they wouldn’t tell him their date of origin. “I haven’t really said it before, but I didn’t mean to break your stuff back then.”

They waved a hand. “Broken things can always be fixed. And I do have a bit of a hobby fixing small broken things.” They paused. “I apologize if that came off as rude or upsetting.”

“You’re fine.” And they were improving. Danny was really getting impressed with how well they were getting used to speaking their mind. It hadn’t been that long since they were pausing mid-sentence and staring off into space as they warred with themself over word choices. “Does that mean you’ve been trying to put it back together? How far have you gotten?”

“I’ve nearly gotten the first floor and the tiny version of myself complete, but I’ll tell you about it later.” They grabbed a set of tools. A few of them had splatters of brown stains on the light blue handles. “First, it’s time for your lesson.”

---

“If you wanted, I could attempt to put them all back where I found them. Your internal parts, I mean. I’m quite good at working on small, delicate pieces.” 

Danny shuddered, snuggling further into their cloak. “No, that’s alright.” He rubbed at his chest. “I’d rather avoid being put under a knife again, if it’s all the same to you.”

---

“We’ll be starting from the back today,” Clockwork said, opening Danny’s door. They lightly tapped one of the gears right behind his clock. “For this piece back here, you’ll need to oil it at an angle and in front of a mirror, since you refuse to simply create eyes on your arm and dissolve your wrist bones—”

“Gramps, we’ve talked about this!” Danny said, laughing. 

---

“Ah,”—they started to pull their arm away, voice laced with guilt—“right, I’ve lost your trust.”

---

“And if it’s really that much of a hassle, you can just do it for me.”

--- “It’s—well, it’s not fine.” Danny pulled their arm back around him. “But all you have to do is earn it back.”

[akuaya-eng]

(Main story) Chapter 5 - Episode 1

- THE FINAL STRONGHOLD -

Tuner

………

----------

Mere

… I see. Rosé Belladonna is preparing a magical calamity in the human world?

Kai

Yes. It seems like he has a meticulous plan… He was discussing it with his devil partner, saying it'll happen soon.

Mere

That information can't be overlooked. If he's involved, it will likely be a major calamity.

----------

Tuner

Will a calamity really happen…

----------

Mere

… So, Dia. I guess you didn't come here just to give us information. What is it that you want in exchange?

Dia

… About the fallen angels. Show me the records that remain in the heavens.

----------

Tuner

… Why does Dia want to know about fallen angels?

Spirit of Wisdom

You don't need to know that.

Tuner

Why?

Spirit of Wisdom

Don't dig too deep. It's one of the basic rules. You haven't forgotten, have you?

Tuner

………

Spirit of Wisdom

Come on, there's no time to sulk. You have to fulfill your role as the Tuner. Devils, humans, angels… Only one realm remains.

Tuner

… The devil world.

Spirit of Wisdom

Exactly. Look, it was reflected in the "Drop of Wisdom." See with your own eyes.

Tuner

………

----------

Devil

Hey…! Heeey! Please, no! It's a misunderstanding…!

Adder

Oh…? If it's a misunderstanding, there's no need to panic so much. You came all the way. It's good to take it slow. How about some alcohol? I have some top-quality stuff.

Devil

… Ah, alright… I'll have some…

Adder

… So-- I hear you have something to say to me. Quite bold of you. It would have been better if you had entered through the front door as a guest rather than sneaking in the back.

Devil

………

Adder

What's wrong? You look like you're in pain. Pull yourself together. This is the biggest chance of your shitty life. What do you want to say? Let's hear it.

Devil

Y...you…! What you're doing isn't ruling the devil world, it's exploitation!

Adder

……

Devil

Just because you're the next Devil King doesn't mean you can do whatever you want…! I'm not the only one who feels this way, there are others too!

Adder

Where are they? It looks like you're alone. If your friends aren't just a figment of your imagination, then next time you should all come to hang out.

Devil

… Damn you…!

Adder

If you want to go against me, be my guest. Though, I doubt you have that kind of power.

Devil

Damn it! Grraaaaaah! (breaks glass)

Adder

…… (punches the devil)

Devil

Ugh…! (falls)

Adder

… You're ruining good liquor, really.

Vanis

(teleports in) --Still a tyrant, I see.

Adder

Vanis. You're late. I thought you had decided never to return from your parents' home.

Vanis

… That's a terrible joke.

Adder

Don't get so emotional. Your few strengths are ruined. You really are predictable when he's involved.

Vanis

You're overestimating that. It's not like that.

Adder

… So? If you went to the holy land, you must have at least one story to bring as a souvenir.

Vanis

Adder, you're so mean. Now I don't feel like talking. If you want to hear it, you'll have to give me a reward.

Adder

You don't seem to understand your position. Why do you think I'm letting you stay here?

Vanis

Don't rush… You'll find out eventually.

Rosé

(opens door) Big bro, are you here~? I heard some fun sounds and screams-- Oh, Vanis is back too. Welcome back 🎵

Vanis

I'm home, Rosé.

Rosé

Ah!! I knew you were having fun! Brother, you're so secretive~. You should have called me 🎵 Hey, can I have that thing lying there? Or should I take care of it?

Adder

This one is for show. Don't touch it. If you want a toy, go elsewhere.

Rosé

Aw~. Can't I have it for real? All the toys I have now are broken. I want something sturdier, I wonder if I can find one lying around… Guess I'll have to create one 🎵

Adder

I've let you do your research as you please, but don't forget to show restraint… Understood?

Rosé

Okay. Restraint, restraint. No need to make such a scary face, I get it. Vanis seems to be good at restraint! Teach me, what's restraint?

Adder

……

Vanis

Really, that's so like you, Rosé.

----------

Tuner

This is the devil world… They take lives so easily… And laugh while kicking around corpses.

Spirit of Wisdom

Are you scared?

Tuner

… That's not the case. However, It's very different from anywhere else I've been.

Spirit of Wisdom

Yes, the devil world is a place ruled by power. Begging for your life doesn't work here. Still… "See first, then choose". Are you ready?

Tuner

I'm fine. Let's go, to the devil world.

[bookofmirth]

When I came to the realization that this fandom fights over characters and ships, created by an author that made one of the MCs legit come to the Image of his own baby son during sex with his mate, or wrote the same "mind blowing" sex scene over and over again (acosf), doesn't even give a flying damn about plots and logic and more bs that the author wrote and said... My first thought was to start to move on from anything sjm related.

This lady is so problematic and doesn't give a damn about what she writes since she knows her fans will eat it up regarless and no one bothers to cancel her, as if most stans didn't try cancel an author because they dared to like gwynriel over elriel. It bothers me that everyone seems to fight like it's ww2 for an author that doesn't give a damn. Whenever I read a book or watch a show, I always somehow compare it to her works and realize even more that she doesn't deserve to have this much love and attention for bs work.

Started watching a show that has amazing plots and the characters are very likeable (The legend of vox machina on amazon prime). It's clear that each character is flawed but they lern from their mistakes and actually suffer from the consequenzes of their own actions. I actually feel for these characters and would join this found family over that bs wannabe family that is the IC or Bryce's gang. Aelin's gang is better than those two but still not so good that I'd want to join them if I could. When I read one of Sjm books, the female lead always feel like self Insert characters, ESPECIALLY Feyre. Aelin, Bryce and Feyre are praised by every character and other characters that have every right to be mad and call them out on their bs are painted as the "bad guys". It's just so frustrating, lele. I hope I move on from Sjm because I did use to love her work until acosf and my acotar reread and realized how bad it actually is + the fandom toxicity.

Maybe I'm just upset over the fact that good authors with well written works get less praised compared to authors like Sjm, Cassandra clare Collen hoover etc.

Friend, although this is largely an acotar blog, I agree with you. Those of you who are friends with me on Goodreads or follow my book blog know that I read pretty widely beyond SJM or similar authors/genres, and it's so, so hard to compare her to the wider book world because there are so, so many authors who are better writers and getting zero attention.

The rest is under the cut, sorry I lost all self control in this response

Sometimes I catch myself comparing her worldbuilding to Brandon Sanderson and think wow, that's not fair. That's comparing the model of worldbuilding to someone who admittedly doesn't plan that much, so it's apples and oranges.

Then I compare her prose (holy sentence fragments, Batman!) to Elif Shafak, Marie Rutkoski, Max Porter, Maggie O'Farrell, et cetera, and I think well that's also not fair, she isn't known for her turn of phrase.

At a certain point, you just start wondering what the fuck is going on because the more widely you read, the easier it is to see how much better other authors can be lol. It annoys the shit out of me that she wins every Goodreads award for books that aren't good! Crescent City has really good climaxes in each book so far, but they are a mess! The books that she goes up against every year are so much better, but you know she'll always win. I totally understand your frustration.

I will say that, in her defense, she is very engaging. She writes characters who are very easy to root for, she's really good at writing climaxes, she does bring a certain vibe or aesthetic that people connect with. She's not popular for nothing. I do sometimes wonder if her flaws are what keep people hooked, though, even if we don't always realize it. What I mean is that a lot of her stuff in acotar is just a ~vibe~, so it's easy to insert our own interpretation, to come up with our own headcanons that fill in the blanks, and that's what we actually connect to. Meanwhile I'm constantly wondering if she put as much thought into it as the fandom has.

I think the thing that annoys me the most is when you can see the author in their work. What I mean by this is that a plot, world, or character choice that doesn't feel natural, but instead feels like the author trying to manipulate the plot/character/world in order to get to a specific spot. The pregnancy plot in acosf is a perfect example. It makes zero fucking sense, but I know exactly what Sarah was thinking when she did it, because of what it accomplished. I've just been seeing this happen a lot more in acotar - it feels like a constant since acowar. Everything is being written to set something else up, and that's also why I hate the crossover.

I have been re-watching Lost for the first time in 10+ years, and I'm actually noticing a lot of half-assed characterization and random coincidences show up that just feel... lazy. Not planned. Just there for the shock value or so that we can get from Plot Point A to Plot Point B. My point is that yeah, when you watch other shows or read other books, like you said, you start to get a much better feel for what is and isn't working in other stories. So catch me 10 years later watching Lost and wondering what the fuck, all of these characters are so damn annoying (except for Sayid) and this love triangle is stupid.

It bothers me that everyone seems to fight like it's ww2 for an author that doesn't give a damn. Whenever I read a book or watch a show, I always somehow compare it to her works and realize even more that she doesn't deserve to have this much love and attention for bs work.

Sarah J Maas is Not That Deep. I am fairly convinced that a lot of the arguments in the fandom come from people who don't have much exposure to other authors or genres, because once you start to get that comparison - once you start getting used to much better crafted stories - it's really hard to forgive the flaws. I know this makes me sound like a snob and I am okay with that haha

Don't feel bad for getting hooked in the first place. Like I said, there are definitely reasons we are here, and why her books are so massively popular. She is doing something right, for sure! I'll never be anti because I find that a waste of my time, but... sometimes I wonder what percentage of my participation in the fandom is because of genuine interest, even after all these years, and how much of it is just being used to being here and FOMO. The fandom isn't a great place to be, as you pointed out. But I've found it shockingly easy to ignore the fandom mean girls via the block button.

This is live footage of all of us stuck in this fandom against our will ^^^

PS I'm so glad you told me what show you started watching because I was curious 👀 I have heard good things!

PPS sorry this response was long, I have been thinking about these things for a long time! I like sjm's books, I have spent an inordinate amount of time thinking and writing about them, but sometimes I step back and think "what the actual fuck though".

[staliamazing]

tag game TEHEH

name: sarah !!!! c'est moi

age: twenty, to be twenty-one soon-ish. i am planning a party. will i go through with it? who's to say.

star sign: taurus sun, capricorn rising, gemini moon. i have beef with geminis so the last one deeply upsets me.

first language: english

second language: je parle français !!

i was near fluent and have my B2 but don't practice anymore. i am considering getting back into it because i feel i need more hobbies and highly regret throwing out all my textbooks and notes. (that's a whole other story i LOVED school and threw out all my damn notes and stuff?!?!? sarah you dumb dumb)

favorite lip product: that lush lip scrub! i've lost my peppermint tub but anticipate it turning up when i least expect it. my lips always has excess skin peeling off for some reason so its great to feel exfoliated!

the best food dish you can make without a recipe? um. pizza bread! pizza, pizza sauce, cheese. eat up friends!

if you drink tea, what kind? none, get away from me. SOMETIMES lipton peach iced tea but only if im at mad mex.

if you drink coffee, what roast do you usually get? see last answer. i get the jitters.

favorite thing to watch on youtube right now: THE BALD AND THE BEAUTIFUL. i;ve been watching upwards of two episodes every night in bed.

favorite thing to watch on youtube in 2012: for sure mormon family vloggers. pick a channel i probably watched them. i have no fucking clue why!

favorite item of clothing right now: new graphic tee! the alice oseman x everpress collab with this gorg patchwork design and all little queer and trans doodles over it! the proceeds went to LGBTQIA+ refugees <3 i fucking love graphic tees holy shit

favorite item of clothing in 2012: some form of graphic leggings im certain.

fandom -

three movies you recommend: the half of it on netflix - watched recently and was confused but pleasantly surprised

your favorite concert: either one i went to with my gf! they were both great experiences even though i was shitting myself before both because i have a lot of sound and crowd sensitiivities ( # actually autistic). i loved being in the pit for ATL despite not knowing any songs and i like how you can feel the music inside you.

have you ever unfollowed someone over a fandom opinion? no i've actually followed someone because i love getting mad <3 over time i have grown to really respect them and where their views come from which im proud of because i can be a bit close-minded.

the best tv show you watched last year: i watch a lot of shows! recently though i watched euphoria and understood the hype. couldn't rewatch though. it felt like a disservice to the shock factor i feel like the show really feeds off.

do you have a fancasting you just can’t let go of? don't pay much attention to fancasts!

a ship you’ve abandoned: im so sorry amy and rory from doctor who... i legit met them too. it just doesnt hit the same and im glad they divorced. amy was too swept up in the doctor and rory is a damn sweetheart who honestly deserves better. ALSO maya and lucas from girl meets world - bit random honestly why did they do that. lucas and riley from day one. maya and zay!

on a scale of 1-10 how willing are you to share your ao3 history? 7? depends on who to! anyone on here sure. not real people they'd be like "what do you mean you like fics where that little thug man wears short skirts" they just wouldnt UNDERSTAND

what fandom do you wish was bigger? tori spring fandom! maybe it is and i just dont know but.

do you have a fandom tattoo? yah, the fandom of my high school english teacher! most of my tats are literary inspired and specifically books i read in school for the curriculum.

my others are - phoebe bridgers related

gf related (she tattooed me) (fave fandom) (she's the best)

has a finale ever ruined a show for you? definitely i just can't remember which lmao im sorry

have you…

swam in an ocean? yep! swam is a strong word though. i've been in and bobbed up and down! i usually run from the tide.

been vegan/vegetarian? both! at different times. it was very much part of my friend and family culture growing up.

gone skinny dipping? yes, in my exs best friends dads girlfriends dead uncles pool :) honestly 10/10 swimming with clothes on is so random? i think its so beautiful how people look under the blue wavy water of the pool.

gone skiing? no i am scared of the snow since learning about crevasses in year 4 and almost falling off a ski lift at a very young age. i do love the cold and the ski lodge episode of gmw though.

thanks for the tag @iansw0rld, these are fun :)