#those who risk their lives to keep the world informed

[endimpunityday]

SESSION I: Safety of journalists in Conflicts: Risks, Protections, and the role of the international community.

Session I: International Day to End Impunity for Crimes Against Journalists 2024.

9:50 - 10:10 am.

Keynote Speaker: H.E. Ourveena Geereesha Topsy-Sonoo, ACHPR Special Rapporteur on Freedom of Expression and Access to information in Africa.

- Ms. May Al-Rahal, Member, National Safety Committee of Iraq

Ms. Zoe Titus, Chair, Global Forum for Media Development (GFMD), ED, Namibia Media Trust

- Mr. Andreas Papaconstantinou (TBC), Director of the Division for Neighborhood and Middle East – DG ECHO

[leiswxrld]

𝐕𝐚𝐥𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐞𝐬 𝐃𝐚𝐲 𝐊𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐞𝐫 (𝐒𝐩𝐞𝐜𝐢𝐚𝐥 ❥)

pairings: ellie!williams x fem!reader

sypnosis: it’s Valentine’s Day, a special day to spend with your loved ones right but what if a slasher is going around killing only once a year on this special day.

warnings: mdni 18+, smut, college slasher, anal fingering (r receiving), strap usage (r receiving), top ellie and bottom reader, face riding (r receiving), reader giving ellie a lap dance, weed and drugs, praises + degradation (mama, slut, baby, whore), ellie calls her strap her dick, strawberry vape supremacy, graphic content, college au

a/n: happy valentines my lovelies, I know this is a day late but I had to touch up a few things before I could post this and I’ve also been so busy yesterday so it had to wait till I got home, not proof read so there might be a few mistakes, low-key inspired by scream.

credits: @magicalboything @cafekitsune for line dividers ❥

'Good evening folks, this is Heather Gale reporting live from channel 5 with tonight’s news, it's that time of year where couples, friends and family around the world express their love and affection towards their loved ones but one striking question has our community in constant fear and paranoia, will the valentines day killer strike again ?'

'Today marks the death of late cheerleader captain Melissa brown who was found brutally stabbed over 20 times in the chest and stomach in her college dorm room a red rose left on her chest, police say she was returning from a party when she was viciously attacked by the killer, friends and family say she was a bright student, kind friend and positive role model for those who admired her, the community are desperately fighting to get Melissas killer found and behind bars.'

'Police ask that if you have any leads or tips that could potentially catch the Valentines Killer, they urge you to either report it to the police station or to anonymously send in your information, this is Heather Gale on channel 5 and I hope you all stay safe and well this Valentines.'

- -

"Really a valentines party" you reply in disbelief at the instagram post one of the boys from the football team had posted, you couldn't believe they were throwing a party when you were all advised not to throw any especially when the valentines killer could strike again.

"Yeah sick right I was thinking of going" your friend amarie says, scrolling onto the post and liking the picture. you throw her a dirty look, "amarie you know the college advised us not to attend any parties especially after what happened to heather she was killed straight after the party we went to last year" it felt so surreal when you found out she had been stabbed to death just after returning from the college party you attended that year, you remember being in your room when it came up on the news that starville's captain cheerleader was found dead.

"cmon y/n don't be such a whore, we'll all be together and we live in the same dorm room besides I'm pretty sure the killer only kills cheerleaders" she replies and you roll your eyes, "it's not just cheerleaders amarie it's anyone who goes to this fucking college, we're all at risk and were at a higher risk if we attend that stupid party"

amarie turns off her phone paying all her attention towards you, "think about it when was the last time you actually went to a party and got laid no offence but bitch I feel depressed just looking at you"

you cross your arms, "and what the fuck is that supposed to mean"

"it means I feel like I'm living with a christian.. your sex life is drier than a fucking desert" she remarks and you scoff, really.

"difference christians wait till marriage... reminder I have already lost my virginity" you remind her, the last time you really had sex was with a boy you hooked u with a few weeks back but you really didn't get the time to find someone and the only thing keeping you satisfied was your vibrator which was in dire need of some batteries.

"more of a reason for you to come to this party and get laid come on think about it, so many of the girls in our dorm are going we can't miss out on this opportunity besides I hear charlies going to be there" she replies, smiling to herself. Charlie was the star quarterback on the football team and one of the many boys she was frequently hooking up when she got the chance too.

"and that has something to do with me how" you reply and she shrugs her shoulders, "it means that there might be a chance you might meet someone you actually like" she replies, you ponder for a second..it could be a chance to finally hook up with someone.

"fine but I’m only going because I’m getting sick of using my vibrator plus there will be free drinks" you finally decide and she throws you a hella side eye, "girl tmi…” she says and you laugh, “now I need to go freshen up" she says, doing a little victory dance while looking at herself through her phone camera.

it was a good thing that the boys house was a 15 minute drive from your college building which meant you only spent around 5 dollars each for an Uber to get there. the house was the hotspot for most of the college parties that were thrown, a big estate with a pool and 3 floors meaning you could fit over a hundred people inside, "this thong is digging into my ass it feels like I've got carpet burn" amarie says, picking at the bright pink thong underneath her pink skirt.

You both choose to go all out, you in a red boob top and black skirt whilst amarie was wearing a pink corset top with a pink skirt. "I told you to choose the black one at the shop" you remark and she smacks her lips, "it wasn't going to match the cute pink corset top and skirt I've got so I guess I'm just going to have to suck it up" she replies, applying a thin layer of lip gloss on.

You both walk into the house, people stood near the entrance either drinking or getting smoking. you could see the inside of the house bathed in colourful lights, music blaring out into the cold midnight air.

Your strawberry flavoured vape clutched in your right hand as the stress began to creep in, your couldn't imagine that the valentine's killer could possibly strike again this year but the idea of it scared you shitless. You bring the vape to your lips inhaling the vapour as you taste the strawberry fumes enter your lungs, "I didn't expect for the party to be this fucking packed" you admit as amarie nods her head, "yeah seems like the whole campus" she pauses, "and a few other people from nearby attended"

you make it inside, pushing past your way through the sea of people making your way towards the kitchen, "You guys actually made it" Stacy another one of your friends says, going to hug you, "I mean I was expecting amarie but y/n that's a first" you give her a face that screams 'girl really' and she laughs, "no hard feelings babe but I never see your ass outside of your room except if you have class"

"none taken" you reply, manoeuvring around her so you could pour yourself a drink. you decide to do a classic vodka cranberry, basic but could easily get you drunk. "y/n pour some vodka in my cup" amarie says, holding the red solo cup towards you. you grab the bottle, pouring it until it hit the middle line, "girl quit playing pour me some more"

"You want to drink straight vodka"

"I'm trying to get shitfaced not drunk" she replies as if she was pointing out the obvious, you pour some more until it was nearly full. You down the vodka cranberry, putting down the bottle of vodka as you make your way onto the dance floor. the music blared through the speakers as you and your friends danced in the living room, grinding against amarie as she used her free hand to smack your ass.

You felt the unwanted and lustful eyes from every boy in room, ignoring them as you continued to grind against her taking a swig of your drink. Your eyes wandered for a second until they landed on a girl just poarched up against the banister of the stairs, talking to boy you recognised to be Charlie.

You'd fancied girls in the past but never took it further than just straight crushing but she was different, you don't think you'd ever seen her before on campus otherwise you wouldn't forget such a beautiful face. The mysterious brunette was dressed in a white wife beater, blue baggy jeans with a pair of retro red jordan's, the girl takes her eyes off of Charlie to look at you for a second, licking her lips before looking you up and down, not missing the long stare on your half exposed ass.

She had a blunt in her hand, taking a few drags from it before taking her attention off of you. You stop grinding and turn around to face amarie who's looking at your confused, "bitch why did you stop"

"who's that girl over there" you say discreetly pointing in direction of the staircase, "what girl" she replies, squinting her eyes to get a better look.

"that one with the tattoos going all up her arms" she looks once again before grinning, "ohhh that girl"

"that's ellie I only know her cause she normally sells weed to Charlie when we’re together I forgot how fucking fine she was" she adds taking a swig of her vodka, "shit I need another drink I'll be back"

amarie makes her way to the kitchen leaving you with a few of your other friends who were busy dancing on each other, thinking about it now you needed another drink.

You noticed that Ellie had moved to the couch some girl chatting her up as she seemed to not be listening, blunt in hand. she notices you right away, eyes lowered a fraction and manspreading with one leg propped up on the couch. a surge of confidence ran through you as you decide to go sit yourself next to her, she licks her lips turning to face you.

"why'd you stop dancing" she starts, offering the blunt to you as you happily accept it. you laugh, "what did you like my dancing" you reply, taking a drag before handing it back to her.

"I mean I liked what I was seeing" she admits boldly, making you shuffle nervously under her intimidating gaze, "if you'd like I could give you a lap dance" you offer and she raises a brow.

"you want to give someone you just met a lap dance huh" yes and no but this was the alcohol talking.

"yeah if you want I know a few things" you state and she thinks about it for a sec before standing up, "ok follow me doll" you blush at the nickname, taking ellies hand as she leads you upstairs, you look at amarie who's still in the kitchen pressed against the counter as she made out with Charlie, her hands wrapped around his neck as his were around her waist, typical amarie.

you passed so many people, a group of people doing drugs on the floor and the others doing dares on eachother on the other side of the room. her grip on your hand tightened, trying to avoid stepping on the people sat on the stairs to prevent yourself falling. there were many occupied rooms passing through all of them till you found a vacant one, ellie allowing you to go in first closing the door behind you.

the rooms quite big, a double bed with a lamp on each side with little side tables and a vanity behind you with picture frames on top, "you nervous" she asks almost taunting, sitting on the edge of the bed. the new found confidence from earlier was replaced with anxiety as it began to seep in, you've only jokingly given your friend a lap dance but that was only because you were dared to do it but that was out of the question now since you were sobering up and doing it for real.

"yeah" you admit and she chuckles, "don't worry I won't judge beside who's going to complain when they've got a pretty girl grinding on their lap" she grins and you roll your eyes with a smile as you remove your shoes.

the tension in the room was thick, Ellie's hands pressed against the sheets, the overbearing loud music coming from downstairs giving you a headache and the sounds of moans emitting from the other side of the walls, "remember no touching me this is just a dance" you emphasise, going to straddle her lap.

"I got you" she says, keeping her hands to her sides. you start by whining your hips against her lap, hands slowly brushing over her thighs feeling her tense up beneath you. you twisted around, moving to rhythm of the music each movement against her lap making you feel the unsuspected bulge tucked underneath her jeans.

she knows you felt it, fighting the urge to just scrap the lap dance and touch you, the friction against her strap rubbing up against her aching clit, pussy wet just watching you. she instinctively swallowed as your grinding increased, practically fucking her with clothes on, your red laced panties soaked in your own arousal, biting back the urge to moan.

Ellie mumbles in cohesively, her voice low and hoarse as you lift up off of her, seductively moving your hips towards the floor whilst your skirt rode up your ass, exposing the red lace that sat perfectly around your waist. you turn back around, the dim light in the room showing Ellie's eyes that had now darken in colour, her fists locked up tight that they turned red.

You kiss your way up her clothed body, seating yourself back onto her lap as you continued till you reached her neck, leaving love bites all over until you reached her cherry red lips, hovering over them before teasingly backing away, "I know you feel it.... pull it out" her voice low, looking up at you.

"feel what" you innocently tease, gasping when she grips onto your hips, "h-hey I said no touching"

"don't act smart with me...pull.it.out" she tells you and you give her a hesitant look, "what you never seen a dick before"

"no dumbass I have but I've just never done it with a girl" you shamefully admit and she just laughs, "I guess I'll be your first" her hands wrap around your back so that your laying on top of her and gently wraps her hand around the back of your neck, pulling you into a kiss.

her lips were addicting, not like the many boys you've hooked up with who just kissed for the sake of it but she took her time with you, it's almost like having sex but with her mouth allowing her to slip her tongue into your mouth as you moan, your hand going under her top rubbing up and down her stomach.

she pulls away, helping you remove her belt, quickly pulling her jeans down showing the very prominent bulge through her black calvin klein boxers "before you sit on it, I want you to fuck my face with your pussy" your face heats up at her words, embarrassment flooding through your body leaving your clit throbbing.

"you want me sit on your face" you ask almost astonished, "yes is that a problem?" she questions, "well no-

"then sit this pussy on my fucking face" she interrupts and you quickly follow, removing your black skirt and red lace before throwing them into a random corner of the room. you slowly, hover your cunt over her face scared that you might accidentally suffocate her.

she slaps your ass, "lower yourself down more" she growls, gripping your legs and pulling you onto her mouth. you slowly rock your hips against her mouth, ellie pressing her tongue against your clit, flicking her tongue up and down your vulva making your legs tremble, a whimper leaving your glossed lips.

Ellie’s sucking and biting, her nails digging into the fat of your thighs, your juices mixing in with her saliva that dripped down her chin. Your legs shake and ellie gets more faster, your head fuzzy with the overwhelming pleasure you were receiving, you felt like screaming covering your mouth with your hand, muffling your moans.

You never imagined you'd be getting head by girl at a college party whilst there were hundreds of people downstairs, the thought of it made you even wetter and you were fucking thankful you decided to come.

you finally come with a silent scream, gripping onto the headboard as she continued to go down on you until she was done, adding onto the best fucking head that you had gotten in ages. she taps your thigh, allowing you to raise up off of her face, your face heating up at ellie's wet face.

"you taste so good mama" she says, licking her lips and sitting up on the bed. she cracks her neck, giving you a kiss allowing you to taste yourself. "but I'm not done with you" she says, slapping your inner thigh.

"I want you to get on your knees and suck this dick baby" she moves her self to the edge of the bed, giving you room to get on your knees. you follow, getting in between her legs, she opens your mouth with her fingers and slips them inside until they were coated in your saliva before using them as lubricant to stroke herself, tapping the tip against your wet lips.

"say ahh..." you slightly open your mouth allowing her to slip her dick into your mouth, it's been a while since you've last given head, slowly bobbing your head up and down her length, she's just watching you using her fingers to tilt your head up so that you could make eye contact with her, her hands grip onto the back of your messy hair, helping you to go down on her faster your eyes filling up with tears, trying to open up your throat more so that you wouldn't gag.

"fuck..." she whispers, fumbling with something on the bed before pulling out her phone. your pace doesn't falter, watching as she presses the record button, the flash brightening up the dim room. you moan, trying so hard not to choke as you sloppily bob your head up and down faster, eye contact not ceasing.

you felt ashamed yet turned on at the same time at being recorded, ellie stroking your hair back to prevent it from falling into your face. your surprised you had been going on for this long, feeling the evident tiredness in your jaw, drool seeping from your mouth and lubricating her dick. she stops you, slowly pushing you off her, allowing you to catch your breath.

"I love watching you suck my dick baby but I wanna see how well you can take it" she admits, camera still recording. "get on all fours mama" she says standing up as you get up from your knees. she waits for you to get on all fours, arching your back as she climbs onto the bed behind you phone in hand, positioning herself.

she spreads your ass, spitting onto your gaping hole allowing it to drip down over as she uses her thumb to rub it in before prodding her tip against your glistening cunt, slowing pushing herself into you. you gasp, your mouth widening into an 'o', the feeling of her dick stretching you out, but before she could even move there's a sudden knock on the door.

"Room is occupied" Ellie yells, awaiting for the person behind the door to move along but the person on the other side doesn't go, knocking once again, "I said the room is occupied asshole go and fuck some place else" the person on the other side get's the message, walking away from the door.

"some fucking people" ellie whispers to you which makes you giggle. she starts to rock her hips into you, putting the palm of her hand against your back helping you to fuck back onto her. she fucked into you so lovingly but so fucking rough, hitting your g-spot that had you gasping and cursing, biting on your lip and your hand going to grip onto the sheets, "shit"

Ellie doesn't stop recording, one hand gripping onto your hips whilst thrusting into you, cursing at the way your ass moved against her hips. you turn around to look at her, her hair falling into her face as ellie looked back at you. she looked so fucking sexy in just her wife beater, showcasing all the different tattoos she had to offer... you don't think you've ever been this fucking whipped for someone with the way she had you acting.

"you should see how fucking perfect you look on camera...should turn your slutty ass into a fucking pornstar shit" you moan in response to her words, fucking yourself back onto her. your pants get louder, the squelching noises from your gushing cunt getting louder every time ellie pulled back, she slaps your ass watching how it jiggled under the camera light. "fuck.....elsss"

your cheeks were flushed and your forehead was lined with sweat, feeling ellie get deeper every time she pulled you back onto her, receiving cute and desperate moans from your lips as your tits bounce with every rough drag of her hips.

You practically trying to pull away, begging ellie to let you come as she pounded you into the bed, her thumb pressing against your labia, rubbing against it.

You gasp again, feeling her finger slowly slip into your exposed hole the uncomfortable feeling making you clench around her fingers, she curls her fingers almost doing a ‘come here’ motion, whispering for you to relax so that it wouldn’t feel as painful, she gradually builds her speed making you feel lightheaded, this new fucking feeling making you dizzy.

"so fucking tight" she fists her fingers into you, the rings around your walls clenching around her skinny fingers whilst pounding into you as your eyes rolled shut.

You start to spasm around her strap before you know it your creaming around her dick, your climax riding out as she continued to milk you, her pace never faltering, “f-fuck stop els it’s too much”

“be a good little whore and cum for me again” that alone sends you over the edge and your cumming again, not believing you could even come more than twice as she lazily gives you a few more thrusts before pulling out her dick coated in your sweet juices, leaving you sprawled out on the bed, allowing you to catch your breath.

you could hear your heart beating out of your ears, laying there slumped on the bed before ellie stopped the recording. you remain motionless, trying to catch your breath as ellie helped you up from the bed. You both messily get dressed in silence, your back turned as you applied your strawberry lipgloss that had smeared off before a notification on ellie's phone catches her attention, "I-uh gotta go- something I've got to take care off, I guess I’ll see you around y/n" she says, quickly buckling up her belt and stepping into her shoes.

she gives you one last kiss on the lips, savouring the sweet taste from your scented lipgloss before disappearing into the hallway. you look for the red lace underwear that you had thrown into the corner of the room earlier but it was nowhere to be found, you curse yourself deciding to wrap a jumper you found in the closet around your waist to prevent flashing anyone, before swiftly leaving the room.

you make your way downstairs, people screaming and left in a state of disarray , how did you not hear this before……did you miss something ?

a frantic amarie rushes to you, "where were you we were looking for you" she yells, bringing you into a death-crushing hug leaving you confused. "I-i was in the bathroom why what happened" you inquire, pulling away.

"the killer striked again, charlies dead"

[lucyrose191]

hey i had an idea and i love your seb x reader writing so i wanted to send this to you! driver! reader has a really big accident during a race like shes in a coma for some time seb becomes this completely closed off person but he visits you everyday so one day he comes to the hospital ig and readers heart stopped or something but then she comes back to life and wakes up or she dies idk if they have kids but would be nice if they’re married. idk i leave it up to you just give me some angst pls 🙏🙏🙏

COME BACK TO ME| S.VETTEL

Pairing; Sebastian Vettel x Wife!driver!reader

Summary; Sebastian’s world is turned upside down when he finds out the reason behind the red flag, the aftermath is just as torturous as the moment he got the news.

Warnings; Serious crash (a bit like Jules Bianchi’s), angst, coma, severe injuries, Sebastian’s sad :( Also Kimi and Seb bickering like children.

F1 Master List

It was no secret that Formula One was a dangerous sport, the fans knew it, the FIA knew it and the drivers knew it; but there are decisions that need to be made in order to protect the drivers because their safety should be the number one concern.

So when the FIA decided that that the weather in Suzuka wasn’t severe enough to postpone or cancel the race, pretty much every driver was against getting back on the track, there had already been a crash and to continue was just plain stupid.

Y/N knew that everyone, including the drivers, had their eyes on her. She had won the last few seasons and was the one to beat.

She never had a problem driving in the rain, in fact most of the time it added to the thrill of the race but when you could hardly even see the steering wheel you were holding, it wasn’t fun, it was scary.

She didn’t really know what had happened, she was battling Max Verstappen who had been recently promoted to RedBull; she’s been enjoying the challenge the younger driver is offering her but there were times that she didn’t agree with his decisions, they could be extremely risky and not in a good way, in a way that could cause some serious damage to either him or someone else and it seemed that this time was one of those times that his risks had consequences.

She had been ahead of him when she felt the contact that had been made to the back of her car, it wasn’t light at all, it sent her spinning completely off the track and with the slippery track and the rain continuing to pour she could not stop the car no matter how hard she tried to gain control.

She heard the gasps of the crowd as her car flipped and spun but it faded away as she tried to keep herself from moving about too much in her car; wondering how long it would take for her to stop.

Y/N did stop, eventually, but the moment she felt the contact she knew something was wrong. It felt like she had hit a brick wall, she heard the crumpling of the car’s structure before a pain like no other filled her entire body; her head throbbed and her eyes fluttered closed, her body shrouded by the remains of her car and the heavy rain.

"Red flag, Sebastian, you’re heading into the pits," Riccardo spoke over the radio.

"Fuck sake! I told you guys we shouldn’t have been sent back out here, what happened?" To say he was angry was an understatement, for the FIA to risk the lives of every driver on this track was ridiculous and quite frankly plain stupid.

"What happened, who was it?" He asked again when he wasn’t given an answer, pulling into the pits behind the two Redbulls.

"There’s been a crash, no response," Riccardo vaguely replied.

Sebastian sighed in frustration at the lack of information and detached his steering wheel, pulling himself out of the car, he didn’t even have time to pull his helmet off before Max was walking up to him and grabbing his arms.

"Seb I’m so sorry, I lost my grip and I couldn’t control it and we just collided-"

Sebastian shook his head, cutting Max off. "What are you talking about, what happened?"

Max simply stared at Seb for a moment, guilt filling his entire body as he realised Sebastian had absolutely no idea. "Seb, it’s Y/N…."

It was as thought the world had stopped turning, Max’s voice had faded away along with the sound of the crowds and everything else around him, the only thing he heard were his racing thoughts as he remembered Riccardo’s words.

No response

No response

No response

He looked up at the big screen that was showing the wreckage live, his heart dropped, the car was completely crushed and she was still in it.

He saw as a few of the Marshalls looked towards the ground briefly before looking into the direction of the camera as they all started making the same gesture, not even a minute later the screen was shut off so that no one could see what was happening.

Sebastian didn’t register his feet moving or the drop of Max’s hand from his shoulder but the next moment he was storming into the Mercedes garage demanding for some sort of information.

If it was any other driver entering their garage without permission they would’ve been immediately kicked out but knowing that Sebastian was here for no other reason that to know if his wife was okay they didn’t mention the red race suit that stood out against everyone else’s black and white uniform.

Seeing that Sebastian was simply stood there, seemingly not knowing what to do, Toto walked over to him and directed him away from his team so that they could talk.

"There was no response over the radio so we can assume that she’s unconscious, she went into that barrier at an incredible speed and the from the damage we can see there’s no way she isn’t injured in some way so she’s going to be airlifted to the nearest hospital, okay?" He spoke in a low voice so that no one could hear besides the two of them.

Sebastian made no indication that he had registered Toto’s words but he did swallow thickly before simply walking away and making his way into his own garage; he didn’t speak to anyone, instead heading straight to his drivers room.

He has taken the quickest shower of his life and changed into regular clothes, he had no intention of getting back into that car this weekend and if anyone expected him to then they were delusional.

As soon as he walked through the doors of the hospital he was approached by an older looking nurse that seemed to have been waiting for him and he could tell by the look on her face that he wasn’t going to hear anything good.

She gestured him to follow her; she lead him into an empty hospital room and gestured for him to sit down on one of the two chairs that were underneath the window, she took the other.

"Mr Vettel, I’m going to be straight with you because I wouldn’t want anyone to beat around the bush if I was in your position. The speed and force at which your wife crashed into barrier quite frankly should have killed her so bear that in mind when I go over her injuries with you because they might sound bad but for what happened I’d say she got out lucky."

Her words cut through Sebastian like a knife, tearing into his skin to leave him vulnerable to whatever she has to say next. Though, he’s grateful she’s telling him how it is instead of sugar coating the severity of everything just so that he’s not uncomfortable, he wants to understand and be aware of what exactly has happened so he gulped and nodded for her to continue.

She didn’t look at him sympathetically which he was thankful for but her expression was comforting. "The impact shattered Mrs Vettel’s tibia and fibula in her right leg, three of her ribs were also broken and a few of them are bruised, during the crash something must have made contact with your wife’s head because when we were cutting the helmet off the back of it was already broken through and it’s caused her some severe trauma to her head."

It was as though Sebastian felt the pain with each injury that was listed, the nurse was explaining it precise and slow so that he could probably understand it but there was really only one thing he wanted to know. "Is my wife going to be okay?"

This time the nurse did look at him sympathetically as she saw the pure worry in his eyes, she could see the love he felt for the Mercedes driver and the pain that this was causing him.

"Your wife is in surgery right now to fix both bones in her leg and suture up the injury on her scalp, her ribs should heal by themselves in at least six weeks but will most likely be longer, the thing we’re most worried about however is when she’s going to wake up. Whilst the knock on her head hasn’t caused any internal bleeding, we do think that’s the reason she was unconscious and not the crash itself."

Sebastian’s blood went cold at her words, "So-what, she’s in a coma?"

The woman nodded in confirmation. "Yes, it’s hard to determine when a person in a coma is going to wake up because each person is different when they’re in a position like this and I’m aware of how difficult this is for you to hear but whilst she’s in this state, it’s really the best time for her injuries to heal and hopefully she’ll wake after the worst of the pain has passed."

"How long do you think she’ll be in the coma for?"

"It varies from person to person but I’d say anywhere between a few weeks to a few months."

Sebastian nodded his head, glancing down to his lap where he was fiddling with his wedding ring. "Thank you." He simply muttered to the nurse who took that as her cue to leave.

"Mrs Vettel will be brought here after her surgery is complete, you’re welcome to wait until then or if you wish to go and come back after they’re finished we can give you a call if-"

"I’ll wait," Sebastian interrupted her and she nodded before leaving the room, closing the door behind her.

Sebastian sighed heavily into the silence of the room, placing his head in his hands; now that he was alone the strong front he had put up had disappeared, before he could stop it his eyes were watering and silent tears were falling into his hands.

He didn’t know how long he sat like that before he heard the doors to the room open and a bed was wheeled in by four or five doctors, once the bed was locked in the middle of the room all of them left but one.

The man was probably in his forties but he seemed kind enough as he regarded Sebastian. "You must be Mr Vettel?"

Sebastian hastily wiped his eyes before rubbing his hands on his legs, nodding his head.

The doctor smiled before speaking. "The surgery went well, both bones in your wife’s leg have been reconstructed but those pins will have to stay there for a month or two and afterwards she’ll need physical therapy to regain her strength back and the cut to her head has been sutured up with no issues. A nurse will come by tonight to check her vitals and ensure everything is okay, they usually do checkups every 6-8 hours but if you need something then feel free to press the button."

"I will, thank you." Sebastian smiled weakly.

"As you are her husband you can come and go as you like, you are more than welcome to have someone come and take your place when you want to go and shower or rest. If anyone wishes to come and visit then visiting hours are between 8am and 8pm, after that we only permit one person to stay."

The doctor left shortly after and after taking a deep breath Sebastian got up from his seat beneath the window and made his way to the bed.

The sight of her made him want to burst into tears all over again, she had cuts and bruises all over her face and arms, her right left was resting on a pillow but trapped inside a metal brace that was attached to the pins inside her leg, her head was bandaged to protect the stitches on from the pillow she was laying on.

She looked lifeless and the sight of it pretty much tore him in two.

He didn’t know what to do, he was here alone and the love of his life almost died.

He carefully leaned against the edge of the bed, making sure he didn’t budge anything he shouldn’t before carefully grabbing her left hand, it was bare of any rings and Sebastian hoped that they were in her driver’s room somewhere and not lost because she was so protective over them rings and would be pissed if they were lost.

He brought her hand to his lips and pressed a soft kiss to the back of it.

It was way too silent in here, he hated it.

He leaned his body forward and pressed his face into the pillow, being mindful that he wasn’t hurting her even if she was unconscious and most likely wouldn’t feel it.

"Please come back to me, Liebling. I need you so much."

Sebastian didn’t leave the hospital that night, he had dragged the chair across the room so he could spend the night beside his wife, he hardly slept instead choosing to sit and simply watch as she ‘slept’ hoping that if he stayed awake long enough then eventually she would wake up.

She didn’t.

He had countless messages from family and drivers but he didn’t answer them, he knew not answering her family was selfish but he found that he really only cared about Y/N and no one else, that and he wasn’t ready to talk about it.

He messaged her and his parents this morning explaining what the doctors had told him yesterday but had left the other messages unread.

Not once had he let go of her hand, not when the nurses came in every couple of hours to do their checkups or when they brought him something to drink or eat, most of which went untouched.

He couldn’t explain the heartache he was feeling, to have the person you love the most in the world be in such a vulnerable position was heart wrenching, especially when it was your job and vow to protect them.

He couldn’t have stopped that crash but he will make sure he is around for every step of her recovery process.

Sebastian was thankful that there wasn’t a race this week because there was no way he was leaving her in the hospital alone to get in the car, he wasn’t in the right mindset anyways.

It seemed silly that he was also thankful that there was only four races left and Y/N had already won the championship otherwise he would’ve been devastated for her.

A knock at the door tore him away from his thoughts and he assumed that it was a nurse but was proved wrong when Max walked through the door with flowers in his hand.

Sebastian pursed his lips and looked down, he couldn’t even look at the man knowing that he was the reason his wife was unconscious in the hospital.

He knew it was wrong to blame him because he had no grip and the weather was no help but he was aware of the way the younger lad drove and knew that he took unnecessary risks, risks that could’ve killed the woman he loved.

"Uhm," Max cleared his throat awkwardly. "I messaged to see if it was okay for me to come but I didn’t get an answer and I just needed to see if she was okay."

Sebastian bit his tongue which was hard when everything inside him wanted to turn and shout at the RedBull driver that this was all his fault and he had no right to come here when he was the reason she was here in the first place, and his wife didn’t even like fucking roses so be can shove them up his arse for all Sebastian cared.

"Is she okay?"

Sebastian scoffed at the question, looking up at Max as if questioning his sanity. "Does she look okay?"

Max looked at him guiltily before glancing away, not being able to stand the look of complete despair in the German’s eyes.

"Just leave," Sebastian shook his head. "My wife’s pretty much on her death bed right now because of you and I really don’t need you coming here pretending like you care when we both know that that the only thing you care about when you’re in that car is yourself, not anyone else and certainly not their lives."

Max bit back the retort that’s on the end of his tongue knowing that the man was not in the right place right now so he placed the flowers on the table by the door and took his leave.

Sebastian sighed and tipped his head back to try and stop himself from crying, he needed to stop crying, he hadn’t done anything else in the last 24 hours.

It had been a week and Sebastian had talked to no one, none of the drivers had tried to visit so he assumed that Max had warned them to stay away which he was glad.

He had left the hospital only twice to pack some clothes and essentials for the two of them, Y/N still hadn’t woken up but the bruising on her face and arms was going down and the doctors had said her ribs were healing nicely.

He had never realised how much he had depended on her and needed her until he didn’t have her to depend on.

He loved her so much and felt like he was going insane with her right next to him but not exactly there at the same time.

Shortly after Max had left that day, two nurses had came in with Y/N’s race suit, fireproofs, balaclava, gloves, boots, two halves of her race helmet and her rings.

Sebastian had wasted no time in placing her rings back onto her hand, he didn’t think she looked right without them and knew that if she woke up without them on her hand she wouldn’t be impressed.

He had almost cried again when he picked up both pieces of her helmet and saw the place where she had been stricken on the head, there was a gash that went right through the helmet and a large red stain on her balaclava that would be beneath where the hole on her helmet is.

He had told his and Y/N’s parents that there was no point in flying in to visit until she was awake and they agreed, he also assumed that the teams had all flown back to their headquarters or the next race location so he was here alone.

Quite frankly, Sebastian didn’t know what to do, there was a race in America this week and even though it was the last thing on his mind and the last thing he wanted to do he knew that he had an obligation to be there, he couldn’t just not show up and it seemed like Britta had the same idea as he saw her name pop up on his phone trying to call him, it wasn’t the first time but it seemed like she was unrelenting this time.

"What do you want?" He sighed as he pressed the phone against his ear, running a hand over his face.

"Oh, so you are alive!" Her surprised voice was way too loud in his ear.

"Just tell me what you want, Britta." Sebastian had no time or patience for her teasing or jokes.

"You need to be in America in three days, Sebastian, I understand that you don’t want to see anyone and the last thing you want to do is get in a car but you do have an obligation to be there." She told him sadly.

"I have an obligation to take care of my family, Britta, I couldn’t give a shit about racing."

"You can’t stay in Japan, Seb."

"What do you want me to do, leave her here in a different country by herself?"

"I think you should move her to a facility in Switzerland for starters so that you can at least be near home."

Sebastian stayed silent, he couldn’t argue with that logic, it probably would be better, even for Y/N so that she wouldn’t have to fly when she was awake and recovering.

"I’ll talk to you tomorrow," he told her before hanging up, not allowing her to say anything else.

The next day he had payed to have Y/N transferred to the closest hospital to where they lived in Switzerland and had flown out her parents so that they could stay with her whilst he was in America.

He had put his foot down on missing media day, he’d go Friday, Saturday and leave immediately after the race on Sunday and would call his in laws multiple times a day whilst he was gone, he was not happy about it but it was the best he could do.

They were currently waiting outside of the room whilst Sebastian said his goodbyes to Y/N, he had spoken to her everyday just on the off chance that she could hear everything that was going on around her, the last thing he wanted was for her to have to suffer in silence whilst she was in this position.

He pressed his forehead against hers, which was now bandage free, closing his eyes to relish in the contact that he wouldn’t have for the next couple of days.

"I love you so much, liebe and I’m going to be back as soon as I can. You better not wake up whilst I’m gone otherwise I’m going to be pissed off with you," he chuckled weakly knowing that is something she’d probably do.

He pressed a kiss to her head and one to the back of her hand before reluctantly getting up, grabbing his back and leaving the room, knowing that if he didn’t go now then he never would.

Sebastian knew he was pushing his limits but couldn’t find it in himself to care, it was Friday and he had arrived in America this morning but hadn’t shown up at the track until just ten minutes before FP1 started.

He had been on the phone with his mother in law as soon as he got off the plane and hadn’t hung up until a few hours later but the real reason he had left it so long to head to the track was so that he could avoid most of the cameras as he was walking in, knowing that they’d now mostly be focused on the team garages.

Speaking of teams, Y/N’s seat had been filled in by Esteban Ocon for the rest of the season, the smallest part of Sebastian felt guilty knowing that Toto Wolff had been trying to find out what was going on with his driver but Seb had made sure everything was kept under wraps.

The only people who knew how she was were family, Britta and Y/N’s PR manager, Freya and every single one of them had no intention of spilling any information.

He could feel the eyes on him and hear the muttering as he walked through the paddock, he hadn’t even been here five minutes and he was already getting annoyed by the cameras and how loud it was.

It pissed him off even more when he saw team members from other motorhomes coming out to watch as if he was going to stand there and make a grand statement to let them all know how Y/N was.

He just ignored them and walked into the Ferrari motor home to his drivers room so he could change into his race gear.

He made sure he had his helmet on before he left his room, making a clear statement that he was in no mood to talk to anyone, thankfully the team respected it and let him get straight into the car, just in time for FP1 to start.

It felt wrong, he and Y/N had a small ritual they did before they got into the car, they had done it for years and this would be the first time getting into the car without it.

"Okay, Sebastian, you’re free to leave the garage, just give Mattia a heads up when you’re ready. You’re on mediums for now," Riccardo spoke through his ear piece.

Sebastian didn’t answer but he did nod his head towards a mechanic to let him know he was ready.

He was top of the time sheet for both practises today, he wouldn’t say he had tried to be in that position, he had just channelled his frustration into his driving.

"Sebastian, top of the time sheet today, does that mean the car was feeling well for you?" The woman in front of him asked, holding out her microphone for him.

"It felt fine," he responded, he wasn’t even looking at her, he was too busy thinking about phoning Y/N’s parents when he got out of here.

"You’re back after a week off, did you end up doing anything interesting?" He was aware that the woman was trying to subtly pry information from him about Y/N and it pissed him off so he just scoffed and walked away, knowing Britta was going to have to do a bit of damage control.

"Hey! Seb! Seb!" He heard Lewis call after him but continued walking causing the English driver to have to run to catch up to him, clasping a hand on Sebastian’s shoulder to get him to stop walking.

"Hey, are you alright, mate?"

Sebastian rolled his eyes "I’d be find if everyone stopped asking me that stupid question."

"Alright," Lewis nodded, not one to get offended or hurt at the tone Sebastian used because he understood. "How’s my teammate?"

Seb raised a hand to his forehead in frustration at the question, he could feel himself losing it. "What do you want me to say, Lewis? She’s clearly not fine other wise you would’ve heard something so will you and everyone else just leave me the fuck alone."

He didn’t wait for a reply, instead walking away, hopefully to make that phone call he’s been wanting to make since the last one had ended but just as he was about to shut the door to his driver’s room, a hand caught it.

"For fuck sake, can I not get a moment alone around here!?"

"Don’t start your attitude with me," Kimi grunted and Sebastian sighed, now was not the time for him to deal with Kimi.

"What do you want?"

"I want what everyone else wants."

"Well I hate to break it to you but just because you’re my teammate doesn’t mean I’m telling you how she is."

Kimi rolled his eyes and made himself comfortable on Sebastian’s bed whilst the latter was looking around for his phone.

"That’s not what I was talking about, I’m talking about the mood you’re in, you need to get out of it and get a grip, that’s what Y/N would want, not you walking around and sulking ruining everyone else’s day."

Sebastian shot him a dirty look. "You don’t know what she’d want and neither do I right now because she’s in the hospital, and if anyone has a problem with my attitude I’m perfectly fine with them staying away from me."

Kimi sent him a sarcastic smile, matching his attitude. "Well I have a problem with it cause you took my personality."

"What?"

Kimi sighed and stretched out. "You know how exhausting it is to have to be the happy one out of the two of us, that’s supposed to be your job but since Y/N’s crash, I have to be that person and I’m sick of it."

"Well I’m sorry that my wife’s injuries are such an inconvenience to you," Sebastian rolled his eyes.

Kimi groaned in annoyance, "you are so fucking annoying without her."

"Thanks, I’ll tell Minttu you said that." Sebastian replied sarcastically, now having his phone in his hand.

"Go for it," Kimi shrugged. "When Y/N wakes up I’ll tell her how much of an arsehole you’ve been."

Seb ignored him and pressed his phone to his hear, waiting for his mother in law to pick up for an update.

He had finished P4 in the race that weekend and had gotten straight on a flight back to Switzerland, skipping his post race interviews in the media tent.

He hadn’t even called Y/N’s parents after the race for an update, instead settling for a simple text in the airport when he was boarding the plane; both of them were picking him up from the airport and taking him straight to the hospital, he was strangely looking forward to being able to see her again, even if she was still in a coma.

He was happy that his flight had quite literally flown by and was sitting in the car behind his in laws just twenty minutes after landing.

"How is she?" He immediately asked.

"She’s okay, the doctors have said she’s healing up nicely." Y/N’s dad told him, the news relaxing him a bit.

"Are you guys coming in?" He asked as he held the car door open, surprised when he saw them both shaking their heads.

"We’ll come by tomorrow, you should have some time alone with her."

Sebastian nodded and bid them goodbye, actually happy that they had chosen to do that because after not seeing her for a couple of days, some time alone was what he needed.

He practically ran through the hallways of the hospital, care workers saw him but chose not to reprimand him as they were aware of who he was and how eager he probably was to see his wife.

He exhaled heavily when he got to the closed door of her room, standing there for a few moments to calm down a bit.

When he pushed open the door, he got the shock of his life.

Y/N was lying there in her hospital bed with her leg still resting on a pillow as it had been for the last two weeks but this time, the top of her bed was raised to put her in a sitting position, she had oxygen tubes in her nose but her head was turned towards the door he had just walked through and she was looking at him!

She was clearly very sleepy and tired but her eyes were as open as far as she could hold them and she was looking at him with a sleepy smile on her face.

She blinked slowly at him for a moment as he stared before holding out her hand for him and he took that as his cue to move towards her.

"Hi baby," she mumbled through a smile, not really having the energy to say anything more but it was enough for Sebastian’s eyes to start watering as he collapsed onto the chair that was beside her bed, grasping her hand in his own.

He raised his other to her cheek and softly stroked the skin there, smiling through his tears as he felt her lean into his touch.

"Hi," he breathed in disbelief, "How long have you been awake?" He whispered, fearing if he spoke any louder it would hurt her.

"Before the race, I watched it," she told him as though she was proud of herself was waking up in time to see it.

"Yeah? What did you think?" He humoured her, not really wanting to talk about the race but it seemed to make her happy so he did.

"You did good," she told him, subtly rubbing her thumb across his hand.

Sebastian simply smiled at her, he wiped his face on his arm to get rid of his tears before looking back at her again with nothing but adoration in his eyes.

"I love you so much." He told her surely, as though she may have forgotten whilst she was in the coma.

"Ich liebe dich auch," she replied back softly making him laugh, she always said it in his native language because she thought it would feel more real for him to hear.

"Are you tired?" He asked when he noticed her fighting to keep her eyes open.

Y/N nodded slowly before looking at him. "Come and lay with me," she told him.

Sebastian shook his head softly even though he wanted nothing more than to cuddle with her. "That’s probably not a good idea, liebe."

"When has that ever stopped you?" She pouted but rose an eyebrow at him.

He couldn’t argue with her there so he got up from his seat, protesting when she tried to move and make room for him.

He climbed in next to her and lightly wrapped his arm around her, she scooted closer and carefully adjusted her top hand so that her head was resting against him.

Sebastian rested his head against hers, pressing a kiss into her hair. "Liebe?" He asked, earning a slight hum in return.

"Don’t listen to anything Kimi says, he’s a liar."

"Hm’kay, Seb." She muttered, already pretty much asleep.

"I missed you so much," he muttered against her, carefully tightening the arm he had wrapped around her,

He wouldn’t be letting her out of his sight again.

[felassan]

Post on the Dragon Age website:

"Journal #2 The Voices of the Veilguard Get acquainted with some of the voice actors and join us for our upcoming character panel at SDCC! --- Hey everyone, We're packing our bags and heading down to SDCC this week and alongside that comes more Dragon Age: The Veilguard reveals! Today, we're excited to reveal some of the voice actors who bring our characters to life - a few of whom will be joining us for our character-focused panel at the convention. ICYMI, our SDCC panel "Dragon Age - Meet The Heroic Companions of Thedas” will feature Creative Director John Epler and Creative Performance Director Ashley Barlow as they discuss bringing the cast of Dragon Age: The Veilguard to life. Moderated by Lucy James, host and video producer at GameSpot, panel attendees will hear from Neve, Emmrich, Harding, and Lucanis’ voice actors as they discuss their motivations and inspirations that have lit up the personalities and uniqueness of each companion. The panel will be held on Friday, July 26 from 3:15PM - 4:15PM in Room 6BCF.  If the panel isn't enough to satisfy your Dragon Age cravings and you'll be at SDCC in person, join us at the Dark Horse Comics booth (#2615) where we will have swag to give away as well as talent & developer signings. Keep an eye on our social channels for more information on this. Discord members who drop by the booth and show us that they're a part of the server will receive a Romancer pin while supplies last. For those of you who will be keeping an eye on SDCC coverage from home, we'll have the full panel video available at a later date. Stay tuned. With that said, let’s get into our cast."

-

"Four Rooks are Better than One Featuring the most comprehensive character creator in Dragon Age yet, your character, nicknamed Rook, debuts with four different voice overs to make this story truly your own. Rook is Dragon Age: The Veilguard’s leader in the making who has to bring the Veilguard together to take down the threats on Thedas. Immerse yourself even further by picking your voice, with two options from US/North American personalities and two from the United Kingdom/EU.  Rook’s voices have been provided by iconic television, film and video game personalities Alex Jordan (Cyberpunk 2077, The Amazing World of Gumball), Bryony Corrigan (Baldur’s Gate 3, Good Omens), Erika Ishii (Apex Legends, Destiny 2), and Jeff Berg (Battlefield 1, NCIS). What even is Dragon Age: The Veilguard without the Veilguard? These 7 companions stand ready to join the fight to restore order to Thedas. We're happy to announce that our cast of companions includes: - Ali Hillis (Mass Effect 3, Naruto), returns to the fray as Harding, the dwarven scout, a Dragon Age: Inquisition hero with a big heart, a positive outlook, and a ready bow – as well as unexpected magical powers. - Ike Amadi (Mass Effect 3, Halo 5: Guardians, Insomniac's Spider-Man) as Davrin, a bold and charming Grey Warden who has made a name for himself as a monster hunter. - Jee Young Han (Perry Mason, Unprisoned) as Bellara, a creative and romantic Veil Jumper obsessed with uncovering ancient secrets. - Jessica Clark (True Blood, Pocket Listing) as Neve, a cynic fighting for a better future, both as a private detective and a member of Tevinter's rebellious Shadow Dragons.  - Jin Maley (Star Trek: Picard, Silicon Valley) as Taash, a dragon hunter allied with the Lords of Fortune who lives for adventure and doesn't mind taking risks.  - Nick Boraine (Call of Duty: Modern Warfare, Black Sails) as Emmrich, a necromancer of Nevarra's Mourn Watch who comes complete with a skeletal assistant, Manfred, voiced by Matthew Mercer (Critical Role, Fallout 4). - Zach Mendez (Horizon Forbidden West, Married Alive) as Lucanis, a poised & pragmatic assassin who descends from the bloodline of the House of Crows, a criminal organization renowned throughout Thedas.  Last but not least, we’re excited to let you know Gareth David-Lloyd is returning as Solas, and Brian Bloom as Varric. We have so many more people to introduce you to, including some returning characters, but we’re not quite ready to reveal all those yet, because of you know - story spoilers.  While that’s all we have for now, we’re eager to meet those of you attending SDCC and to continue our summer filled with reveals from Dragon Age: The Veilguard. Talk soon. — The Dragon Age Team"

[source] [Twitter post]

[driftwithme]

I love that Guillermo del Toro didn't want Pacific Rim to be all about the military, so he ended up giving the PPDC ranks based on cowboy imagery: ranger, marshall, etc.

It makes me think about some of the most beloved characters by the narrative are the ones who rebel agonist the military way of doing stuff: characters like Newt and Raleigh for example. Because well, characters like Mako and Hermann are rebellious but only due the influence of Newt and Raleigh -- and characters like Herc and Chuck seem to be rebellious in parallel to Raleigh too, like some contagious virtue on the loose.

It's palpable in two of their most famous lines on the movie: when Newton talks about how fortune favors the brave and when Raleigh tells Mako that in real life you make decisions and you have to learn to keep living with the consequences. Everyone around them looks down at them at some point for being what they'd call reckless, but Raleigh and Newt are aware of the risks, they are not kids. Which is funny because in contrast, they even do that to each other: the perception of the other as a fool of some sort.

And yet, without Newt and Raleigh tendency of disobeying, they'd all be dead and gone.

Without Raleigh insitance on having Mako as his co-pilot and his demand to get G. Danger deployed, the Double Event would had been the catastrophe that ended their last run to the Breach before it started. Without Newt's crazy plan of drifting with a kaiju, they would had perish due the lack or information.

Twice Raleigh piloted solo and twice Newt drifted with a kaiju. In one of those ocassion they had to give a part of themselves that they would never get back (a part of Newt's sanity, Yancy's life). After the first time, both emphasize to Pentecost that they can't do it again. They can, technically, but now they've done it once and it hurt.

Still they do it and it saves the world.

The man who was good for nothing except to hold his own on a fight and the guy who was destined to love fictitious monsters in every universe except that one. In any other world or timeline, Newtom and Raleigh would have been the losers. They were still somehow the losers on Pacrim, a has-been pilot turnes into a builder and a scientist perceive as another sick kaiju groupie. They weren't disciplined like the others yet they were a bit obsessive, they were the sort of ambitious that makes people doubt, stubborn and arrogant in their convictions, totally unapologetic in knowing themselves.

Sure, they have to pay the price in double, but at the end of the day, they are champs of fortune: they do the impossible and survive to tell their stories, breaking every rule and winning the faith of those around them.

[historicity-was-already-taken]

Hi! I really appreciate your nuanced and informed thoughts. Apologies if you've already answered something like this somewhere, but I'm only occasionally on Tumblr these days.

My question is what do you think about calls for academic boycotts as a means of protest? (Against Russia and Israel, most recently - curiously, I've never seen any suggestions for an academic boycott against, say, China, due to persecution of Uygurs and Tibetans. Cynically, I'm guessing this is because Chinese academia is simply too big and too financially integrated into global academic publishing profits for anyone to imagine a boycott, whereas Russian and Israeli academics are much less visible and much less profitable.)

I often sympathize with the feelings of those calling for boycotts, but it feels like it's useless at best and counterproductive at worst to cut off potential regime critics from international support, making them more dependent on keeping the regime happy for funding. I've seen some of what happens in an academic community (Hungary) that is poorly integrated with the international academic community when a repressive government start going after insufficiently nationalist research, and it's not great - entire fields of study the government doesn't like pressured out of existence, or only hanging on because of external EU funding. I have trouble seeing how essentially helping a regime stamp out dissenting voices is a good way to protest that regime. I also fear that if dissenters feel that the international community rejects them and views them as no different from the regime that they will be more likely to embrace apathy for survival.

I'm not sure how to respond to calls for academic boycott in a way that opens dialogue about these concerns, and I also recognize that I may be missing something. I'd love your thoughts on this issue if you have any!

imo academic boycotts are the political equivalent of punching parallel/down.

especially, since, as you pointed out, many academics in the boycotted nations are already dissenters. that said, i do think it's bullshit that these calls for boycotts aren't extended to china.

there's another aspect here, though, which i think was best presented in The Good Place: in a globalized economy, such simple measures as not buying that tomato or using that app or talking to that one israeli medical researcher don't have the impact we'd like to think they do. everything is soo layered and interwoven and codependent and opaque, that we can't truly know what decision we're making and what kind of impact it will truly have without expertise in international finance and tax law and supply chain ethical management.

in our world, as it exists, money and hard power are the only things which will effect change. they're the only things that matter. shitting on some russian grad student who just accessed the closed soviet archive of Khanate-era mongolian literature, or the israeli social scientist researching the intersection of public health and addiction won't do anything, except keep the West in the dark about Mongolian literature, and blocking findings valuable for public management of those struggling with addiction.

if universities and 18-22 year olds want to effect change, go for the wallet. research which defense contractors give money to which university labs/departments, target the administration of those departments, and make as big and loud of a stink as possible. i don't think the individuals calling for these boycotts want to do that though. it's dangerous and scary and requires them to actually put themselves at genuine risk. it's easier for them to just attack academics living under shitty governments, harass jewish students, and call it praxis.

but that's just my (cynical, lowkey depressed) take.

[covid-safer-hotties]

Also preserved in our archive

by: Beck Levy

“Maybe now vocalists will finally start bringing their own mics,” I tweeted in the first days of March 2020. My virtual audience was mostly friends I met by participating in subcultures in and adjacent to the DIY tendency of hardcore punk rock. In those early days, we on the cultural fringes shared a sense that the pandemic, in its capacity as a social intervention, could meaningfully disrupt the oppressive ruling order.

When I booked and played shows before COVID-19 hit, I tried to harness energy and rally when crisis arose. Touring band is lost on the road? I was ready to DJ to keep people from leaving between sets. No one came to unlock the club? Let’s play in the parking lot. The last show I’d played, just weeks earlier during Mardi Gras, was on a trailer being pulled by a dump truck. We’re responsive to shifting circumstances, right?

I couldn’t get a clear look at the new terrain through the brutal haze of my first-wave infection. I was disoriented, waking up breathless, fevered, delirious from nightmares about drowning in my own blood. I could not fathom taking any action that would contribute to COVID-19 circulating, and my symptoms made me believe I would be a risk to my community. With home tests scarce, every flare had me conceiving of myself as though I might be a biological weapon.

Friends texted their fears to me frantically: “Is music over? Are shows done?” I thought back to informal and unconventional gigs, the freedom and potentiality those moments held, and reassured my friends, sequestered in our separate biomes. I said and believed: “Music always finds a way, youth culture always finds a way, underground culture always finds a way.”

Slowly, reimagined, remote, and socially-distanced events returned. In lieu of Jazz Fest, New Orleans radio station WWOZ charmed us with “festing in place” on the airwaves. I did a solo set in a virtual anniversary showcase for my old record label. Another friend live streamed a show from a cavernous church. I’d guessed performances mediated by technology might salt the wound, but desperate for connection, I treasured those experiences.

I watched my place in the world creep away from me. There were rumors of scandalous secret shows during lockdown. But the first real sign was pictures on Instagram of people traveling and touring again. Scroll to that last image: a row of COVID-19 tests, all negative, smug. Or positive, chagrined but only a little; a mismatch to the scale of: “For fun I traveled as a disease vector and personally participated in the proliferation of an airborne pathogen that can kill or maim.” Was it a character limit? A limitation of character?

The world passed me by, carouseling through normalization phases, like COVID-19 tests phasing their way out of tour posts. I watched scenes regroup from my new vantage point in biopolitical exile. Pandemic gloom catalyzed a spate of reunions, which is wholesome and beautiful except for the fact that at least one band knowingly toured with a member who tested positive.

Was I overreacting? While COVID-19 left me with an immune system that attacks my body, my mind attacked itself with this question. I’d traded amps for this mental feedback loop. The counterargument was implicit: people need unfettered access to music more than we need safety.

Live music came back. It just didn’t bring me with it.

I didn’t see a critical mass of bookers, venues, or bands advocating for COVID-19 safety with measures like outdoor shows, improved ventilation, livestream options, or just adding tests and masks to the earplug bin at the door. Some hand disinfectant; a little hygiene theater at conventional venues. The will just wasn’t there. I thought our deal was fuck the state, we’ll do it our way. I found myself slipping through the subcultural safety net that exists for outcasts who are slipping through the cracks of mass culture and late capitalism.

Of course, punk was already inaccessible to some. And I actually believe a certain amount of gatekeeping is necessary to protect punk from posers, jerks, and cops. But among the nebulous community clustered around shows, the sexism and racism people have experienced has always been very real, to the tune of entire zines, books, films about that exclusion. I monitored my heartbreak, critically. Resource-scarce, informal, and underground operations often exist at a quagmire of conflicting access needs. Was the sting of betrayal just this painful because it affected me, directly? Can the subaltern mosh?

There was a brief period where my baseline had plateaued, and I enjoyed medium-functionality between flares. Clinging to my modest recovery, a memorial service was my first congregant risk. That was the last time I tried to play guitar. I got the twisties, psychic vertigo from grief and from the contradiction of my setting and my experience, but the band played on, complete with a brass section. And at that otherwise beautiful event, I was ceremoniously reinfected by an asymptomatic tuba player. My health has been steadily deteriorating ever since.

Isolation is hard: it can feel like rejection, it can feel real personal. I struggled to adapt. I know I can have a persecution complex, but I also know I’m materially being made surplus. So what do I tell the complex? Are people being thoughtless, or do they explicitly not give a fuck about immunocompromised people like me?

Life is never totally safe, danger is often exciting, sometimes risk is the point. I know that. I’m not (just) a joyless scold. In the era of potentially deadly airborne pathogens, we’re playing with other lives when we make “individual” health decisions—I thought we’d learned that, but there was no such reckoning.

Punks accepted the sociological production of the end of the pandemic, moving in lockstep with the state, sacrificing medically vulnerable people on the altar of pleasure, just as the state had sacrificed us on the altar of capital. I thought our ingenuity would create new forms of shows. Instead, it exposed our limits under duress. To quote the band Allergic to Bullshit, “If this is what we’re for, this is what we’ll get.”

Maybe my shock seems naïve—after all, there’s a difference between “subculture” and “counterculture”—but there’s a reason I expected better. There are visionaries with love, passion, and fearlessness who organize shows in strip malls, caves, skateparks, churches, parking garages; shows with immediacy like distributing free Narcan, and conviction, like benefits toward Palestinian liberation. I await, with diminishing faith, the eruption of that tendency in the bioethical arena.

Since immune ableism is hegemonic, congregating is a question of building a realistic threat model, making decisions with people who are directly impacted by your actions, and taking all possible precautions. I’m encouraged by radical formations with accessibility modifications, particularly those connecting social abandonment, climate crisis, and genocide. I see this reflected in art book fairs that require masking, outdoor Shabbatot, test-first leftist reading groups. Queer and drag events are making adjustments. Mask blocs and clean air clubs collaborate, with limited resources, to make spaces more accessible. These are people who insist on collective health, demanding freedom to live and breathe clean air.

For those of us with severe Long COVID, exclusion from live music represents a profound loss of humanity. This disconnection feeds into my daily despair; in medical terms, my depersonalization/derealization. Having hoped this crisis would push us closer to communism than complacency, I feel whiplash, what Naomi Klein calls “political vertigo.” Millions of Americans with Long COVID have disappeared from the workforce. Data on the underground music scene are unavailable. It’s hard to count ghosts. I’ve wanted to ask: Have you noticed that some of us are gone? Do you ever miss us?

Four years later, I still can’t even make it to a well-filtered show. My last recreational outing ended in hospitalization from merely ascending a steep hill. I hear about shows from my roommate, the only person I see, who is also the only masked person at them. I tell myself I could try to go to an outdoor gig one day, maybe, if my governing health planets aligned. Instead of being an active musician, I pretend I’m like Jandek, a reclusive genius, but really I’m too clumsy and unfocused to play at home.

I do what I do with everything: act like I’m in a different world. It’s not difficult, because I am. The Well do their thing out there, I do mine in here. I moved across the country in search of better healthcare and, homebound, routinely forget I’m not still in New Orleans. Either way I am inside. I gave up and I don’t fight the world leaving me behind. I am back here, rolling the boulder of my body up steep hills.

In spite of everything, I’m glad shows continue. It’s bittersweet comfort knowing freaks are getting raucous in basements, with noise made by other freaks, sprayed with wet yells, aggressively jostling with teens; in a reprieve from control, experiencing music together. I’d die for your right to do that. And thanks to you, I just might.

[corgiplays]

Did anyone else think that Ella would disappear after they changed the timeline? Like not disappear, but like not be married to Charming?

Me and my friend thought of that once the movie finished and now I'm back to thinking about it.

Ella Tremaine worked until both of her step sisters got married and left the house and when her stepmother died soon after the girls kicked Ella out forcing her onto the streets with her young daughter. That Chloe didn't know safety or what a full stomach felt like. She worked with her mom from a young age and would hear stories from Ella about how their life could have been different. This Chloe wasn't kind, she knew life as unfair and cruel, she grew up fighting with the other street kids, taking their money or pickpocketing the rich.

She despises royalty and thinks that they should focus on the people in their kingdoms who need help; not party with one another.

So when she does get accepted into Auradon Prep on a scholarship program to bring in less fortunate kids she hates it. She hates how the villains got everything for just existing, she hates how the current king left his people back under his father's rule as he travels the world to unite more kingdoms when his is in shambles and she hates her roommate who's gotten everything in her life on a golden platter.

Chloe hates Red, despises her for being rebellious and never suffering the consequences. She hates how her roommate pities her and offers to spend money on her, money she hasn't had to steal, work for, or end up bloodied over. She hates how she cares and supports her no matter how illegal or dangerous her plans are.

She hates her.

Chloe hates how her roommate looks so peaceful and cute when she sleeps, how she looks wearing Chloe's worn and oversized clothes, how she softly scolds her for each fight she starts while cleaning her wounds, how she makes up any excuse to spend money on her.

She loves her.

So maybe when she saves enough money to buy Red a gift, a thin titanium chain with a ring that has a red and blue band in the middle, apologizing that it's probably not a extravagant or expensive as her other jewelry it brings Red to tears.

Fuck- does Chloe love this girl.

And when the inevitable happens and King Adam declares a second war on Wonderland in his son's absence Chloe risks her life to make sure Red gets back home before being captured.

She doesn't break as the "King" tortures her to find anything information about Red, Wonderland, or anything else. When he takes in her mother as leverage no one expects it when she snaps and kills him, haven been underestimated. And when she goes on an assassination spree of killing royals until she's the one with power no one fights against her.

The people love their dark Queen who has made their lives better, even though Red doesn't see the girl she fell in love with. Red becomes her Queen, because Chloe is still Chloe with her, ruling in blood tainted gold as the riches of the royals run through the streets to those in need. No one needs to know of Chloe's soft side to Red, the only person who sees Chloe for who she is; a child who would rather burn the world to the ground than watch another suffer her faith.

Ben and Mal can keep their fantasies of uniting Kingdoms under one rule. Their kingdom does not exist anymore.

[zsakuva]

What would Xanthus, Elias, and Issac think about morality (as they seem to be the more morally ambiguous characters)? Like how do they feel about the concept of ‘doing the right thing’? They have all expressed the willingness to kill if necessary, but what that was a point of conflict with listener? What if morals in general were a point of conflict between the character and listener?

Morality as a shared concept is not universal, and is only derived from values that individuals and societies uphold. All three characters have their own subjective definitions of it, as well as their own standards and limitations they perform within.

Xanthus has lived four lifetimes and has seen things others couldn't dream of. His perception of the world has changed through the centuries, and this knowledge informs him of what actions he takes and how he views others. As a vampire, this surpasses human beliefs and values that may seem trivial to him.

He'll risk more because he's immortal, he'll do what he wants because he can compel people, but he's not unrestrained. Xanthus is calculative with his kills and his prey. He knows to rein in his hunger because missing people and dead bodies drained of blood alerts hunters. He knows who to befriend or compel for his own gain. In ways, Xanthus could be considered one of the most objective characters if faced with a hard situation as his own emotions aren't normally a part of the decision.

Concerning Love's morals, I think they're somewhat thrown out the window because they're dealing with a supernatural being who knows more than they ever could. It's hard enough to wrap your head around a person living for more than 400 years, but it's even harder to sift through all those conflicting morals around the world from societies that have come and gone.

In contrast, Elias, as the youngest carries morals from his parents and those around him. Killing for self-defence. Fighting to show his power. He was taught the way gang members are supposed to act even though he didn't want that life in the first place. He understands the brutality and violence of the life he lives, and twisting his own morals would undoubtedly keep him alive.

I think Barista understands that considering what they've currently been through. But this all depends on what their own morals are.

Isaac is also a product of what he was taught and witnessed. His morals in the beginning were developed from his mother who taught him patience and good virtues. But his life events twisted that, and his morals changed along with it. The 'right thing' does and doesn't exist for him; many of his clients want outcomes that require illegal means to get or do, and he has little problem doing this. It all depends on what will be sacrificed and if he's okay with dealing with that loss, whatever it may be.

Pickle likely has similar morals to Isaac considering what they've been through. But again, it all depends where they draw the line.

Someone's morals won't be tainted with murder if they believe it. Others may think killing an insect goes against their morals. What is right and wrong is a huge topic of discussion and extremely divisive, but I hope I was able to shed some light on these characters for you!

[flammenkobold]

One thing I am a bit obsessed about in TLT (aside from everything) is Harrow's arc about survival and living.

She is alive, she is surviving, against all odds.

But - crucially - never at all costs.

She shouldn't be alive, but she is. She wants to be alive, but she will not sacrifice the people around her to do so.

She cost 200 children, but she knows no matter what nothing she does will repay that debt - those lives.

When Gideon dies to save her (and Camilla) Harrow refuses the pay the price of becoming a full lyctor. She looked at the cost of becoming a lyctor and said no that is too much and I refuse to pay.

For all that she wanted to kill Gideon the First, when he is about to be killed by someone else she choses to help him over her own safety and this gives her the information she needs to protect herself against him without taking his life.

She calls, subconsciously, for help in the River and the ghosts of those she met and lost in Canaan house as well as Ortus come to her aid and still, even if her soul is on the line, once she becomes aware of what is going on she tells them to leave - only to find out that they could have left at any time and chose not to because they want to help her.

Her arc in Harrow the Ninth is a lot about surviving and about accepting that sometimes the price has already been paid and to accept that. But ultimately she find out that her refusal to pay might actually have paid off. Gideon's soul is still there - Gideon is still there. And so she goes I am not intending to die, but I am not going to let go of the chance to save Gideon and be with her again. There is a difference between keeping a slip of a dance card and saving the last dance. And it's made clear that she intends to find another way out of the mess she is in, that she has no intent to die herself but she can't, at this moment, return to the living without risking Gideon again.

And then we have her bits in Nona, sparse as they are, but she is back to finding her own way, she is back to fighting and then she places her life into the hands of Alecto. Alecto who gave Harrow the will to live in her darkest moment and if Alecto wants her dead then she is not going to fight her. And again this pays off, instead of killing her Alecto swears herself to Harrow.

And idk this feels so meaningful, especially in her own book, where she find herself in a world where people around her see the deaths of others as a necessary price to pay, where other people are often just considered small change or nothing worth at all - or at worst a liability to be eliminated - Harrow looks at the world and goes: yes I want to live, yes my life cost too much to throw it away, but the lives and souls of other people have value too. She survives, she fights for her life, but she never places her own life above everyone else.

She haggles with death and imo so far she keeps winning.

[fanficwriterlover]

Ghost MasterList Series

Safe with a Ghost

Summary of this Series : Dating Ghost has it's ups and downs, you both are busy with your jobs(you work at the ER) . Some days it takes a toll on you during his leaves. You live peacefully nonetheless and always happy when he returns, because no matter what, nothing bad would ever happen to you...right ?

1. You're Mine 2. All Those Who Suffer 3. Hang On 4. The Unexpected 5. Home is Wherever You Go 5.5. Longing for You 6. Gone 7. Back to You 8. Home at Last 9. All I Ever Wanted

Undercover

Summary for Series: You're an undercover CIA, your job has always been to extract information from your targets to report back to Laswell. This time, things are different you'll be working with a team called 141, yet everything seemed to fall apart, you've become compromised and endangered. Now you have to have a babysitter to keep you safe, yet, it turns to something else~

1. Last Time 2. Little Goddess 3.Too Close for Comfort 4.

Meeting Death

Summary for Series : By chance meeting, you thought you come face to face with Death itself, yet he goes by Ghost. Your first meeting is heated...but over time it becomes a change of pace for both you and him. Yet everything has their consequences, and Ghost has to accept the consequences for bringing you into it.

1. Big Tree 2.

My Choice Our Consequence

Summary for Series: You're a sniper/medic, part of the team 141. Everyone considers you their light, however, your light has diminished and has started taking a toll on the rest of the team because of a choice you made...now you have to face the consequences of your actions and live with that reminder forever..1.The Consequence 2. Big News to All (Part 1) 3. Big News to All (Part 2) 4. Covering Bases 5. Trusting in You Safety

Upcoming Stories

A Wolf in Sheep's Clothing

Summary for Series : You as a reader will play a character. Your character was held in a laboratory and was made into a project. That project left you with a unique ability to shapeshift into a wolf. You'll be joining the taskforce 141 slowly working alongside them. Over time you'll confide more with Ghost. But also, things from the past will start to show up and that puts things at risk for your missions and yourself.

Silence the Reaper

Summary for Series: You’re a Captain of a team called the Silencers, you’ve been assigned to join forces with 141, yet lead an entirely different team, consisting of a man who looks like death himself-Ghost. Will this new team dynamic be a pain or a blessing ?

Ride or Die

Summary for Series : There’s something about bikes that Ghost can’t really explain, only something other riders would understand, but none have come close. That was until he met…you(female reader). You become someone not only, does he find solace in your company that turns into a unique bond beyond companionship but someone much more that he’d go above and beyond to die for...

Never Miss A Beat

Summary for Series: Reader is a contemporary dancer and performer, entertaining people from across the world with your shows. Unexpectedly gets hired to perform at a military base for soldiers. Little did you expect to get the attention of a mysterious solider. Whether for lust of your moves and performance, you become just as hungry for his touch...

[endimpunityday]

Safety of Journalists in crises and emergencies.

Freedom of the press is a right that comes with the responsibility to protect those who risk their lives to keep the world informed. We must insist on the protection of journalists and ensure that the international community responds to severe violations of human rights and of its obligations under international humanitarian law. 

[soubi122]

How Long? PT 8 - Finale

All, this was a rollercoaster of emotions - thank you so much for your support and patience with this series.

WARNINGS: Manipulation, mentions of pregnancy, pregnancy, fear, angst, anxiety, suggestive, mentions of death/murder, cheating, overall toxic behavior, destructive behavior, smut, fluff- if I missed anything in the warnings I'm sorry!

Homecoming

Arriving back home, you began to plan out your revenge. How could you make him hurt as much as he’s hurt you? Could you risk setting up one of his little sidechicks to clash with his pregnant mistress and make everything come crashing down. He had plenty to choose from. Like vultures they came in to see what scraps they could get after your death. It would be risky and you would need to ask Mikey for permission, with you being back in Tokyo - your life was no longer yours. 

The sound of his phone vibrating only made you even more annoyed. You were so close to smashing it against a wall but you stopped yourself, you couldn’t destroy your evidence. Without a moment to spare, you began to print his messages, pictures included. Ugh, it made you sick to your stomach having to read these things again. Seeing all the women he was messing with and worst of all - the bullshit ‘I love yous’ that he would say. I love you. Those words meant nothing to him, he oh so casually threw them around to these women. It was like throwing bread crumbs to pigeons. They were eating that shit up and not even second guessing it.

After about an hour of printing, taping papers to the wall and making a mess out of Mikey's living room - you decided to take a break. Sprawled out on the floor, you remained quiet and stared at the ceiling for what felt like an eternity. Your vision began to get blurry and the throbbing in your chest wouldn't cease. It got worse and worse with each passing second, you ended up curling up on the floor and crying your little heart out. Even though you already made up your mind, it was still hard to get over it. The betrayal, the lies, the pain, everything… It was hitting you all at once. Ran always found a way to break you. The echoes of your cries reached Mikey as he walked through the doorway. Without hesitation he bolted to where you were. “Angel? What hap…pened?” He paused and looked around his living room. The explicit content made him feel sick. Turning to look at you on the floor, he reached over to pick you up and cradled you in his arms. Your sobs and hiccups made a pang in his chest. He hated seeing you like this, you didn't deserve any of this. 

Softly speaking and leaning in to place a kiss on your forehead, Mikey asked you to explain. After spilling your heart out to him, he embraced you tighter and apologized to you. He should have stayed with you last night but already warned you not to leave the house again. “Manjiro…I feel like I never really knew him.” You cry and bury yourself in his chest. All his bullshit ended up swallowing you whole. “I don’t know who I fell in love with….” You say softly into his chest. The poison honied tone could have made Mikey set the world on fire for you. “We’ll figure this out.” He says softly and places a kiss on your forehead. A simple well placed hand on your belly made Manjiro bite the inside of his cheek, this gesture - did you really want…one? Would you want one with him or was this a breaking point for you? 

*meanwhile*

Ran and the others continued their plans on how to contain the hellfire that was unleashed amongst Bonten. The master of keeping tabs of everyone (Sanzu), was able to track down every single person who the pregnant woman was in touch with. Kokonoi traced all call records and texts between the woman and her contacts - all her information was at their fingertips. “Remember, this needs to be a covert operation.” Kakucho said before they began hunting down all of her contacts. Needless to say, Ran was in charge of silencing his mistress. 

On the way home, Ran’s hands began to tremble - he was letting this get the better of him. The thoughts racing inside his head were making it difficult to focus on the road ahead. His car’s center console alerted him of an incoming phone call. It made his stomach drop, speak of the devil. He thought to himself when he read the caller ID. Picking up the call and answering with a dry Hello, he waited for her squeaky little voice to say babe. It was silent, he got a little irritated and was about to call out again but the sound of someone breathing heavily and sniffles made his ears perk up. “(M/N)? Oi?! Can you hear me?” He yelled and pulled over to the side of the highway. “Ran… come home - now!” Her voice was full of panic and fear. “Shit… I'm almost there.” He said and sped down the highway. Ran couldn’t afford to have her think he didn’t care about her, not when she held so much leverage against him. But what could have her all shaken up?

When he finally made it home, he was surprised to see his pregnant mistress standing by the doorway. She had tears in her eyes and the moment she saw him, she threw herself into his arms, crying and stuttering over her words. “W-who could have d-done this?” She cried and clung to him. Ran’s head turned to look through the doorway and his stomach dropped. His home was a disaster. Broken glass, torn papers, clothes and various items scattered everywhere. Was there really someone stupid enough to try and rob/trash the home of a Bonten executive? To make matters worse, what if your pregnant mistress was there at the time this took place? They would have jeopardized his plan to silence her. “Stay here.” He instructed her and walked inside. Everything was in disarray, there was no place in his home that wasn’t fucked with. Walking inside his bedroom, he saw that all his belongings were either broken or torn. What really set him off was seeing his picture frame shattered - the proposal photo of you and him was shredded. He felt his blood boil. Something caught his eye, his baton was on the floor amongst the destroyed belongings. This was personal, this was done by someone who knew of where his momentous were hidden. There were only three people in the world that knew where he kept that thing. You, Rindou and his pregnant mistress. There was no way it was Rindou as he was with Ran the entire time, it sure as hell couldn’t have been you as you were taken by Mikey and were to remain hidden until all this blows over. The only person was…her. 

To make matters worse, she was always jealous of you and begged him to get rid of your photo - she couldn’t stand the sight of it. Jealousy on a woman was always an ugly thing to him. Even if he was the cause of it. Funny how he finds jealousy appalling and yet he had the gull to come at you like that back home. Ripping up the photo seemed like something she would do. Could it have been possible that she found out about your return? Rumors could have spread the moment Ran departed for Wakkanai. She always kept tabs with the underlings, so hearing that Ran disappeared after a mysterious revelation - it wouldn’t surprise him that she knew. All fingers pointed in her direction. Walking out of his penthouse, he kept a calm demeanor and only consoled his mistress. She was genuinely terrified but all he could see was red. Playing the victim and pretending to be innocent, it suited her. “Ran, could someone be after our baby?”  She cried pathetically, in his eyes. “No, no sweetheart - unless, you told everyone already about it?” He said in a low sweet tone, the number one rule in the underground was to keep your family affairs out of the picture. She stuttered and cried even louder. “I’m so sorry, I told a few friends! I was so excited and happy to become a mother.” She blurts out and pouts. They both knew that she fucked up, it puts not only the baby at risk but it also puts Ran at risk. 

“Let’s go back to the office, you’ll be safe there…” He said and pulled her in close, the fake affections were so perfect that she didn’t suspect the real danger she was in. He was trying his hardest not to choke the life out of her. The poor girl has no idea that the devil has other plans for her. 

Bringing her back to the office, he sat her down and was being sweet to her. Coddling her and comforting her, trying to ease her worries. He felt disgusted with himself. (oh how the tables have turned) Dealing with a pregnant woman was overwhelming for him, especially when it wasn’t someone he loved. With a seductive pout, she asked Ran for a kiss - he gave it to her. It tasted bitter to him as he closed his eyes. The lips he’s kissed often now felt foreign, they felt like sandpaper against his and he compared her to you. Thinking about how your lips were soft and plush, your sweet taste and the sound of your voice. You were everything to him, you controlled his heart and had a hold on him like no other - Ran lost himself in you and ended up deepening the kiss with his mistress. She wrapped her arms around his neck and proceeded to return his misguided affection. He put his hand against her belly and caressed it, remembering you on the airplane holding that child - it made his chest hurt. He wanted nothing more than for you to carry his child. To make him a father and give him a new reason to live. With a breathy moan, Ran spoke without thinking - “Fuck… I love you so much.” This made his mistress elated, “I love you too, Ran.” This continued for several minutes until Rindou walked through his office door, “What the hell happened?” It made Ran snap out of his delusion and realize who was in front of him. He felt his heart drop. He slowly pulled away from her, making it almost seem as if he’s saddened to go. The moment he walked out the door, he made a beeline towards the men’s bathroom and rinsed his mouth. Rindou trailed behind him and tore him a new one. 

“What the fuck are you doing?” He shoved Ran and pinned him against the wall by his collar. For Rindou to go against his elder brother, it was some serious shit. “Get your shit together and make your fucking choice!” He almost snarled at Ran. The younger Haitani couldn’t stand to see Ran in this pathetic state, he could see cracks in his brother's face and only prayed that he wouldn’t crumble. The realization of his actions hit Ran like a truck, he told her he loved her. He shared emotions meant for someone else. Rindou released his brother and told him to take a few minutes to breathe and focus on eliminating the current problem. Ran felt like vomiting, anguish was eating away at him and he couldn't hold it in. Confusion plagued his mind and didn’t know left from right. He proceeded to throw up and wished you were here to assuage him. He was losing his mind.

“Did anyone say anything when I left Tokyo?” Ran asked his brother, he was pensive. He needed to formulate some sort of plan before walking back into the office. The last thing he wanted was for his mistress to catch wind of the real reason as to why she was brought to headquarters. Rindou gave him the rundown of everything that happened while he was gone. Rumors were quick to spread but only the main 8 knew the actual truth of you being alive, Mikey was quick to apprehend those who were linked to the underling that brought Ran your photo. The one thing that they were able to confirm was that the underling was not alone when he came across your photo. Whether or not it was too late to confirm how much information was leaked, no one knew. Ran needed to be on his toes around his mistress.

After about fifteen minutes, he straightened up and headed back to his office. "Baby, is everything ok?" She asked him and was about to stand up but he stuck his hand out and gestured for her to remain seated. “Who did you tell exactly and who knows that you've been staying at my place? We need to know to make sure that you and the baby will be safe.” Ran's words were laced with concern and had a hint of warmth in them. Maybe with enough sweetness she'll fess up about the incident at his apartment. “Please…” Oh how his honeyed tone of voice makes all the women fall. Even you at some point. At first she was hesitant about speaking, she didn’t want him to kill her friends and back ups. She fiddled with her hands and pouted as she remained silent and kept her head down. “Is there something you’re hiding from me?” His tone was a little cold and she immediately raised her head in a panic. The look on her face reflected nothing but fear. Maybe she said something more about the pregnancy, something that he has yet to find out. “You know the type of enemies we have. Do you want them to kill our baby?”  He asked in a low tone. 

She began to squirm in her seat and sniffle, bingo… It was her turn to talk. “Ran, I swear I didn’t mean it. I just didn’t want you to deny our baby!” He didn’t flinch, he knew he was right about her and the incident involving his home. “Explain. Now…” His mistress cracked like an egg and began to explain to him about her potential blackmailing. Yes, she found out about his trip to Wakkanai and why. Her jealousy took it too far and she didn’t want her place to be taken again. “I didn’t think that anyone would betray me like this! I was scared you’d leave me. You’d leave me for a woman who looks like (Y/N)...I know you would.” With every word she spewed, Ran was feeling his fingers twitch, how could she be this stupid? The consequences of jeopardizing a Bonten member are dire - death would have been dealt by his own hands. “I’m begging you, please - stay with me. I will do better. I won’t be able to replace her, I know that but please… give our baby a chance.” His mistress was holding her belly and on her knees at this point, begging him to stay with her. It made Ran sick. 

He had no choice but to keep her close to him, though he could not overlook her destroying his home - he needed to pretend that he accepts her and the baby. “I’ll get us a new place to stay for now - you will need to remain there and do not leave that apartment no matter what. You painted a target on your back by announcing your pregnancy. You cannot trust anyone, do you understand?” Ran signed and pinched the bridge of his nose. Making the arrangements should have been simple but he had a lot to try and salvage from his home. 

He cleared this decision with Kokonoi, no one else was to know of her location. By the end of the night, he had already sent his mistress to the new apartment and got some of her things settled there. She was foolish enough to surrender her two phones to Ran in place of a new one that only had Bonten’s contact information on it. She pretty much sent her friends to an early grave - they were being executed for the right and wrong reasons. She had no idea of what Ran was really accusing her of. 

By the end of the next day, Ran had already cleared out his penthouse with the help of a cleanup crew and was still as blind as ever. He didn't notice his extra mobile device missing, either that or he figured that she destroyed it and it got tossed with the rest of his now useless belongings. The plan proceeded in full force, the hunt was on for all her contacts and Ran continued his act. Multiple calls were made to him about the incident at his apartment. Though the rest of the group was against shielding his mistress, they understood that it needed to be done until they eliminated all threats. “I understand, please - just don’t mention any of this to (Y/N).” Ran said over the phone as he stood in his empty penthouse. Memories of his past flooded his head… Seeing you dance across the kitchen as you cooked or when you cleaned, he wanted it back. Your sweet smile was all he used to look forward to when coming home. Now, he can't even look at you without feeling guilty about everything he's done. “I don't know how long you'll be able to keep her in the dark… But she will find out and when he does - you'll lose her.” Takeomi lectured Ran. Though he didn’t need to be reminded, he accepted Takeomi’s advice. 

Several days later, Bonten had already rounded up more than half of the mistress's contacts that knew about her pregnancy. The pile of corpses only made them much more fearsome than the authorities could handle. Under the guise of 'for our baby' excuse, Ran tried to keep her disconnected from the world. He didn't allow her to call anyone, message anyone or even reach out to anyone on social media. All her phone activity was monitored and any attempt to reach out to anyone other than Ran was alerted to Bonten headquarters. His mistress was getting restless from staying in the one bedroom apartment that Ran rarely visited. When he did visit, it was only for an hour or two, it was the obligatory check-in. When he noticed her disappointment, he would bring her flowers or snacks to try and keep her as complacent as possible. His mind was so focused on her that he felt as if he was forgetting something. 

“Ran, can we go out somewhere, please?” She pouted and wrapped her arms around him. Her belly was starting to get in the way of her pressing her whole body against him. “I don’t think it’s a good idea-” He began to respond but was cut off by her pouting even more and burying herself into his chest. “I feel like I’m going insane in this apartment.” Ran knew he had to keep her happy until the final contact was tracked down. With a heavy sigh, he agreed and let her decide where she wanted to go. She wanted something sweet and they decided to visit a crepe shop. That was the only thing she shared with you, your sweet tooth. 

*back at Mikey’s* 

“Angel, he thinks his mistress was the one who trashed his home. You’re kind of off the hook…” Mikey says and gives you a pat on the head as you remain seated on the couch. You smiled softly, but there was emptiness in your eyes. You wanted to go home already, you missed your cozy home, your cafe and the cool ocean air nipping at your cheeks in the morning. “Are you going to tell him that you know?” Mikey asked, snapping you out of your daze. You felt heat creep up your cheeks, you were angry, embarrassed and hurt. Overhearing about Ran hiding his mistress and giving her an apartment, you expected nothing and yet you were still disappointed with him. He hadn’t checked in with you since that day you left the office. Ran completely forgot about you, he didn't even bother using Mikey as a messenger between the two of you. 

The days spent at Mikey’s you either slept on the couch or in his bed. Manjiro would come home and carry you to bed if you were asleep on the couch. He'd take any opportunity to get close to you without making it too obvious. However, your little loungewear had him palming himself at night or locking himself away in another room, quietly relieving his tension. It felt like old times again but he refused to do anything that could make you uncomfortable. Sometimes all you need is a single spark to set plans in motion. If all goes the way it’s supposed to, he might not have a chance to tell you how he really feels. 

With a light kiss on your forehead, Mikey prepared to leave for the office and stood up. Kokonoi needed him to sign off on a few things and also review the ongoing situation with Ran. “Can I count on you to be here before midnight?” You ask and look up at him, your cute little doe eyes made Mikey almost lose his composure. How could an innocent gesture make his member throb and twitch? This angle looked rather lewd in his eyes. He felt his heart rate spike and his mouth was salivating. All he needed was to picture his cock in your mouth and - “Mikey?” You say his name and he comes back to reality. There was an intense look in his eyes. “Hmm? Yes?” He responds with a bit of shyness. “Is there something wrong?” Shaking his head no, he swipes his thumb on your lower lip and begins to head out the door. He left you dumbfounded and your heart skipped a beat. That look in his eyes was similar to that night, only this time you are sober to see through it and understand his hunger. 

A few hours after his leave, you began to get restless and peckish. Mikey didn’t really have a lot of food at home and you haven’t left his place since - you had no choice but to step out. Easily, you can order takeout but with the cloud looming over your head, you wanted to see if a walk could make it go away. Taking precautions as always, you wore Mikey’s baggy clothes, a face mask and a hoodie. The hood was over your head and helped cover your eyes, making it harder for people to see your face. I know I promised to stay inside but I feel like I’m losing my mind. It’s just like the first time. You think to yourself and walk out the door. Taking the longest and most relaxing walk down the streets, your mind started to feel at ease. Stopping by a small crepe shop, you ordered a snack and made your way to a park that had a beautiful pond in the center. It was the Shibuya botanical garden, there was no better place to come and relax, especially by the pond. It’s not the ocean but it’s still a beautiful view. Very few people were here during the weekday, it made it so much easier to just take in the sights and light earthy scent. 

The soft cool breeze had you inhaling deeply and exhaling in bliss. Your head almost felt fuzzy, it was serene and almost quiet. Closing your eyes, you lean back into the bench and just let go of your worries. Soon this would all be over, you could go home and go back to the life you left behind. You wanted nothing more than to sink your teeth into a sandwich and a hot cappuccino, your cafe’s pastries also crossed your mind and you felt homesick. Everything started to look rather clear, that is until - “Ran, look at this! It’s beautiful.” The familiar voice pierced your ears, you opened your eyes and sat up immediately. The voice was distant but close enough for you to hear, your eyes were darting around behind you and your heart began to pound inside your chest. You were praying that it was just your imagination. Soon the voice spoke again, “Look! It’s a family of ducks, they have a baby - just like we will soon.” Her tone was warm and full of love, she was happy. Turning to your left, you saw what you wished you didn’t. It was Ran and his pregnant mistress - they were at a distance but you recognized those purple strands anywhere. They were a few benches away from you. 

You felt your heart drop to your stomach. His right arm was wrapped around her and his left hand was caressing her belly. The sweet smiles on their faces felt like a slap to the face. Their conversation carried on as if the world revolved around them and there was no one else there. Try as you might, you couldn’t hold back the tears that stung your eyes. You were preparing to leave him, yes but you never imagined seeing him with her. Not like this, not like a beautiful loving couple expecting their first child. The fire burning inside your chest only made it hurt even more, it felt like he took a knife and stabbed you with it. You overhear him say, “I’m sure our baby will be just as beautiful.” He says and cups her face, bringing her into a tender kiss, making her back face you. He looked genuinely content and his body language suggested he made his decision. He was going to keep his mistress and the baby at his side. When he pulled away, he said something - something that plunged the knife even further into your chest. I love you. You didn’t have to hear it to know, the way his lips mouthed those words…it was as clear as day. 

Keeping your hood on, you removed the face mask so that your face could be seen. You wanted him to notice you. Standing up to walk in his direction, you looked straight at him and waited for your eyes to connect. Too lost in his own little charade, he didn’t notice you until it was too late, when he looked up - he froze. You just passed them and continued walking, the look in your eyes made him feel fear for the first time in his life. It was intense and it looked like everything was happening in slow motion. He felt a lump in his throat and his pulse quickened. He looked visibly distraught. “Ran? What’s wrong?” His mistress said and cupped his cheek. He felt his world tip on its axis and he felt as if he couldn’t breathe. There was no mending the threads that unraveled. 

His next move made your blood boil even more, he snatched your wrist and yanked it towards him. “Baby, wait!” His mistress was caught off guard with his actions, who the fuck was he calling baby? When she leaned to the side to see who he was talking to, her expression dropped - it’s as if she saw a ghost. “Y-you… you’re alive?” She stuttered and held her belly in a protective manner. Your eyes never left Ran, the fire in them was smoldering him and he had nowhere to hide from it. “T-This isn’t what you think!” The loud sound of a smack made his mistress flinch. “Fuck you Haitani…” You spat and pulled away from him. Twice he’s felt the sting of your hand and it never got any easier. “He’s all yours…congratulations.” You say coldly and turn to leave. Behind you, you could hear him taking a step forward only to stop when his mistress screams his name. 

He was caught between a rock and a hard place. If he leaves now, she will not hesitate to make calls or scream out for help and draw attention. Bonten was also on the line. If he stays, he loses you forever. The pain in his chest only made it harder as you continued to walk away. He never thought…well that’s the thing - he never thinks. He didn’t think he was going to get caught, not after being so close to rounding up all his mistresses contacts. He would have gotten rid of her and had you in his arms. A Haitani always gets what he wants but this time the gods put a stop to their reign of ignorance. Clenching his fists, he turns his back on you. He made the hardest choice in his life, a choice that severed your ties for good.

Immediately heading back to Mikey’s place, you packed up what you could and booked the first flight back home to Wakkanai. There were no second thoughts and you couldn’t take it anymore. You didn’t know if it was heartbreak or disappointment. You thanked the undergods that you were able to book the last flight of the day. The flight leaves in 5 hours, it was enough time to make it to the airport and through check out. You could feel your hands shaking as you made your way out the door and into a cab, the driver looked rather concerned. “Are you alright?” His soft tone made you bite back tears. “Oh, yes. It just feels bittersweet to go home.” You say and smile, trying to hide the maelstrom of emotions bubbling inside you. The ride carried on in silence. Looking out the window, you could only see those images flash in your mind. His arms around her and caressing her belly, you felt nauseous and disgusted with yourself. He made ‘love’ to you - he said he wanted a family with you when he already had started a family with another woman. Your head kept pounding and pounding, trying to massage your temples didn’t help - it felt like your skull was about to crack. “I know I’m not supposed to do this but, here. Please take this.” The driver says and hands you a small paper pouch. It was migraine medicine, the strong stuff too - this man was an angel. Taking the medication from between the slit in the divider - you thanked him and swallowed the pills. 

Once at the airport - you thanked him, paid and left him a hefty tip. What he said next made you pause, “Whatever you’re going through, I wish you the best. Just know you’re not alone.” It made you think about the one person who never failed you. Manjiro. You smiled and thanked him once more before walking away. 

At the counter, you present your ticket and finish the check in process. The moment you passed through airport security, you felt your phone vibrate - it was an unknown number. Ignoring it, you put your phone on airplane mode and sit in the waiting area until it’s time to board. Life really had it out for you, there were a few pregnant women or families with kids. Could it be any more obvious that life with a family would be impossible for you? After this, you didn’t want to open your heart again nor fall in love again. The taste of freedom was bitter.

Nothing echoed louder than the announcer calling out boarding numbers. It spooked you and made you jump, you were so lost in thought, that you weren’t really paying attention to your surroundings as much. You had to drown out the moms, the kids, the infants… it all made your skin crawl. Taking your place, you were grateful that you were placed all the way in the back and away from everyone. It wasn’t a full flight so your row was empty. When all lights dimmed, you laid your head back and felt your ears pop. The attendants would ask you every now and then if you needed anything as you looked dazed and your eyes were glossy. You would smile and respond softly, “Yes, I’m alright - it’s just an emotional homecoming.” It was a half truth but one that allowed you to keep the attendants from prying too much. 

The two hour flight felt like an eternity. While the plane was in taxi, you removed your phone from airplane mode - it stayed quiet for a total of 45 seconds before it kept buzzing non stop. The slew notifications wouldn’t stop, you were getting messages from Mikey and unknown numbers. You didn’t have the heart to open any of the messages, not at least until you got home - breaking down in public was not something you wanted. The cab ride was quick and quiet, the people on this side of the island kept to themselves. Stepping foot inside your home, you threw yourself on the couch and broke down. At this point, you didn’t know what you were crying for anymore. Was it over Ran, was it out of frustration, self pity or just everything all together? It felt like you had no more tears left after a good thirty minutes of crying. You were screaming into the couch pillows and clutching your chest. Nothing you did made sense anymore. Should you have gone to Bonten headquarters to tell Mikey? Should you have just stayed at his place until he came back and then asked for permission to leave? Would Ran have kept you waiting until it was too late? All the questions swirled inside your head and you felt like you were drowning. Your body was having a full blown panic attack when you looked at the messages from Mikey. Words could not describe his responses. His messages were as follows:

Thursday at 1236. From Manjiro: Did you book a flight back home?! The credit card pinged a large transaction with an airline. End.

Thursday at 1246. From Manjiro:  Where the hell are you? End. Thursday at 1301. From Manjiro: (Y/N), I’m begging you - pick up the damn phone. End. Thursday at 1305. From Manjiro: Angel, you need to tell me what’s going on. Please. End. Thursday at 1341. From Manjiro: I told you not to leave the house for a reason. Ran just came into the office with his pathetic heart in his hands. End. Thursday at 1403. From Manjiro: You should have come to me first… End. Thursday at 1459. From Manjiro: I know by the time you open these messages - you will probably already be home. Please, just call me when you can so that I know you’re alright. End.

Laying on that couch staring at the ceiling after your breakdown, your body felt numb. Your vision was coming in and out of focus, your hearing would fade in and out and your limbs felt like lead. Something inside you was screaming that you betrayed Manjiro. He trusted you and yet you didn’t even bother trying to confide in him. Everything was twisted and distorted in your eyes. Before you could even fade into the abyss, you heard your phone ping one more time. It was the unknown number and you didn’t even bother to open the messages - not until you looked closer at the phone number did you realize it was Ran’s phone number. The abyss swallowed you whole and you passed out on the couch - dropping the phone on the floor and could hear nothing more than your heart slowly beating. 

Morning came and the slivers of sunlight slowly crawled their way through your blinds. The sounds of the waves crashing against the rocks at a distance was like a lullaby that you couldn’t help but welcome. No more cars zooming and honking, no sirens and no people. Tokyo couldn’t compare to your little treasure cove. However, the realization of having to abandon this home came crashing down on you. Now that Ran knows where you are - what’s stopping him from coming here again? Hoping into the shower, you washed up and let the hot water cleanse your skin - almost burning away Ran’s touch. When the burn became too much, you stepped out and wrapped yourself in a towel - still dazed and confused. You didn’t know what you were doing anymore. Could you even afford to start over without Manjiro’s help? 

Walking into your bedroom, you stripped your bed of the sullied bedsheets. Ran’s cologne lingered in the sheets - fuck he stained anything he touched. When your bed had fresh sheets, you threw yourself face first into the mattress - his scent was gone. Reaching for your phone, you scroll to find Mikey’s name in your contacts and hesitate to call him. You were afraid of what he might say. You shut your eyes and tapped the call button and waited for him to answer. The lump in your throat was making it hard to swallow and you felt your hands tremble. It didn’t even take one ring before he picked up your call. “Angel?” His voice was as sweet as honey and you couldn’t help but feel tears prick your eyes. “Manjiro…I’m so sorry.” You sniffle and repeat your apology. “I’m sorry, I just-” He cut you off and spoke while keeping a sweet tone. “Can you explain everything to me after you open the door?” Huh? Your mind short circuited for a moment. “W-What?” You stutter your response and sit up. “I said open the door, (Y/N).” He chuckles and knocks on the door. The knock echoed in your ears and you ran to the door, swinging it open rather violently in disbelief.  

Standing on the other side was Manjiro. His soft smile made your knees weak and you dropped down, still in disbelief that he was standing here. You waited for three years for him to come see you and now he’s here. Though the circumstances could be better - he was here for you. Picking you up off the floor, he pulled you in and closed the door behind him. Burying your face into his chest, you sob and clutch his jacket. Between sobs you spoke, “Tell me this isn’t a dream…you’re here.” It felt too good to be true. When he pulled away to cup your face, you could see the pain in his eyes. “You left without saying anything…” He leaned in and brushed his lips against yours. His breath fanned your lips and he dove straight into them when you hiccuped. You began to walk backwards, guiding him towards your bedroom, there was fear inside you. You wanted to make sure that he was as far away from the door as possible, you were scared he’d leave.

He made Ran’s bitter taste go away. Plush lips continued to kiss you and ease your mind. He wasn’t upset nor reprimanding you. “Manjiro, I'm so sorry.” You cry and wipe the tears from your eyes. Admitting that you were out of line was hard, you were so angry that you couldn't see past his concern. In a way he felt that you might take his visit the wrong way and say that he was taking advantage of your damaged state. But you weren’t just damaged goods, you were human, a woman that deserved the world and more. If Ran couldn’t be man enough to tell you the truth about the pregnancy and ended up hurting you more than what he already has - maybe you would close your heart and no longer let anyone in. Mikey decided to risk it at all and depart Tokyo - he didn’t care how it looked to anyone else. Sanzu already knew, there was no hiding it from him anymore. Not when Manjiro asked Kokonoi to find him the next flight to Wakkanai. He gave no explanation when asked why he’s giving chase to someone who was meant to be already dead. However, he did tear Ran a new one before he left. 

You spoke and blurted out all the things that were ringing inside your head. “I flinched…I fucking flinched and he enjoyed every second seeing me squirm.” He let you continue your rant. “You must think I’m pathetic for allowing myself to falter not once, not twice but thrice.” He understood your position and also the risk you were taking when he gave the order to come back to Tokyo. However, he miscalculated Ran’s fuck up. The pregnancy threw everyone for a loop. “Leaving him was the best thing you could have done.” He tries to reassure you. No, Ran left you for a second time. He let you go, all you did was sit and wait patiently for him. “He’s a fool, even I could have told you that.” Mikey’s words rang true. He felt your body tense up and hiccup, you were crying. 

On the island, you thought things would have been different, that Ran would have changed - he was desperate enough to come find you. You thought it was out of love, but it wasn’t. He was only trying to convince you to love him again so that he could get even with you. His ego was bruised and he wanted nothing more than to put you in your place. You thought maybe, just maybe, that Ran would have at least lived a better life after your so-called death. Perhaps it would be a wake up call or something. Mikey gave you an update not long after you left for Wakkanai - Ran was distraught and hurting. Your death affected him more than you thought. All updates about Ran stopped after you begged Mikey not to talk about him anymore. Things just never worked in your favor. Stumbling upon his other women, the pregnancy and now his intimate moment with his mistress - you felt disgusting, you felt used and dirty. 

Looking up at him you realized that Manjiro gave you everything you ever wanted - love, affection, loyalty, sincerity and a sense of security. Not once has he ever given you a reason to distrust him or doubt your feelings for him. Even now, knowing that Ran claimed your body, he hasn’t left your side and hasn’t blamed you for being human. 

An overwhelming sense of longing and desire took over, making you guide Mikey to the edge of the bed, pushing him into it and straddling his lap. “A-angel…what are you-” He stuttered and couldn’t even finish asking his question when you cut him off by kissing him. Your tongue darted into his mouth and dominated him. He tried to get you to stop so that he could catch his breath, but you were making his mind go blank. It's as if you latched on to him for dear life and didn't want to let go. When he managed to get some space in between the two of you, you felt pain. Plaguing your very thoughts were images of Ran with other women, the woman who was expecting his child, the very moment he made love to you on Wakkanai… It burned. You wanted to get rid of Ran's touch and his memory, and there was only one way how. “...help me.” You whisper into his lips, breath shaky and heart pounding - your plea broke his heart. You were so desperate, you'd even sell your soul to the devil himself to get rid of Ran's memory. 

How could he deny your cry for help? Without hesitation, he rolled you over and devoured your neck - giving you open mouth kisses, bites and hickeys. No one else mattered at this point in time. If this is what you wanted then he will give it to you. Mikey sat up and looked into your eyes, the light was fading and he couldn't have that. “I’ll take care of you… I’ll love you and give you anything and everything…” He spoke with a bit of worry on his tongue. Your response would either make or break him, it was a confession. Taking in a deep breath and placing your hands over your heart you exhale slowly. “You’re the only one who can fix my heart, Manjiro.” Your words not only gave him the green light, but they also meant that you were giving yourself to him. 

Mikey removed your towel and drank in your nude figure, he ran his calloused hands on your chest relishing in the softness of your skin. Your body was heaven to him, you were beautiful and seeing you so vulnerable - he knew you needed him. His hands roughly rolled your nipple between his fingers, it made you mewl and screw your eyes shut. Your moans made his member throb uncontrollably, three years of waiting - it was too much. Dipping down to place his mouth on your nipple, he trailed his hand lower to your honeypot and into your wet folds. The warmth had him on cloud 9. Sucking and biting your nipple, he roughly massaged your clit and played with the slick that was pooling. Without warning, he thrusted two fingers in your core and made your back arch like a cat. His thick fingers were stretching you out and hitting that spongy spot that had you drooling like a whore in heat. 

“Mhn…Manjiro-fuck fuck!” You moan loudly and grip the back of his head. The silver stands were now tangled between your fingers, he enjoyed having you at his mercy. As your hips rolled into his touch, you felt him bite your nipple, the pain made your mind focus only on him. Your moans echoed in the bedroom and you could have sworn that the neighbors could hear you. The way your walls kept clenching around his digits, it only made him bite harder. Your plea to erase Ran from your skin, Manjiro took it literally. Soon, your chest was riddled in bitemarks. Withdrawing his fingers from your messy hole he turned you over on your stomach - leaning in, he slowly slid himself inside you. As he did, he bit down on your shoulder. The sensation made you moan into the pillows and clench the bed sheets. To feel you again, to have you beneath him, Mikey thought that he was about to blow his load when he bottomed out. 

“Ngh… I’ve missed you so much, angel-oh fuck…” He moans into your shoulder. His shaky breaths and tremble of his lips against your skin had you mesmerized and drowning in a maelstrom of emotions. With his hands on your hips, he raised them higher so that he could get a deeper angle and hit that sweet spot. His hips thrusted slow and deep, he was giving you every ounce of love that you deserved. To feel how passionate he was with you, there was no doubt in your mind that he truly loved and cared for you. More and more you felt your mind at peace, leaving Tokyo was the right thing to do. 

Mikey’s nails were digging into your hips and his feral grunts sounded like a sweet symphony to your ears. Heaven was knocking on your door the moment he thrusted his his cock into your fluttering walls. “Three years… Ngh-three fucking years… ahn…” He was almost whimpering as he spoke. “I've waited and waited-Mmm…” His thrusts were getting rougher and the pressure on your hips had you biting the pillow. Mikey's breath catches in throat as he feels you clench around his length. No one could hold a candle to you, you were everything and Ran gave it all up. “Manjiro!” You yell and moan into the pillow as he keeps hitting your sweet spots over and over again. “Y-you… Oh fuck…fuck…” He tries but he can't even form a sentence without stuttering or even cursing. This was beyond desire, this was love and devotion. His right hand searched for yours, lacing his fingers with yours and resting his forehead against your shoulder. This intimate moment meant more to Mikey than anything else in the world. 

The bed continued to creek non stop with each thrust that Mikey gave you. Your left hand was gripping the headboard, trying to keep it from slamming too hard into the wall and also to help brace yourself. His hips stuttered and he slowed his pace when he felt infinity beginning to claw its way out. When he pulled out, you felt your body shudder - his warmth made you feel alive and now it’s gone. Whimpering, you turn back to look at him and he’s panting. His lips are parted and his silver tresses are a mess, that endless void in his eyes began to show a glimmer of light. Sitting up on his knees Mikey rolled you over onto your back, raised your hips and lifted your leg over his shoulder. He slid his length between your folds teasingly and his hand traced circles on your bundle of nerves. Your body trembled when he put more pressure on your clit, that same hand pushed his cock through your entrance and made you raise your hips even more. Manjiro didn’t even need to tell you what to do next, you moved your hips closer - letting him sink in and gain more friction against your clit. He smirked. “Good girl…you want to cum, yeah?” You nodded and whimpered a yes. He controlled your hip movement and leaned back a little, causing you to lose friction on the part you wanted it the most. 

“M-Mikey…” You mewled and tried to sit up but his hand pressed you down into the mattress. He chuckled when you pouted. The look on your face was desperate, he enjoyed it - you were desperate for him, no one else but him. He tortured you just a little more before rolling over and placing you on top of him. The angle was beautiful, seeing you on top of him had his heart feeling full. “Make me cum too, (Y/N)...” Ohh that tone, it made your pulse race and your walls fluttered. Placing your trembling hands against his chest you began to bounce up and down his length at a slow pace. You could feel your thighs shake as he suddenly thrust upward as you came down, making you moan loudly - he was blurring your vision. Quickening your pace, you threw your head back and dragged his length through your velvet walls. Sounds of slick, moans and skin slapping echoed in that room - if you could make an NSFW ASMR video, this would be it. It all sounded so lewd and perfect. Feeling every vein, every throb and every twitch of his cock dragging inside you, you repeated his name over and over again.

Just when you thought you were going to float off into the abyss, Mikey reached for you - his hand was placed behind your neck and he pulled you in for a sloppy kiss. You paused for just a few seconds to try and catch your breath. He snatched the air out of your lungs when he dug his fingers into your hips and warned you. “I didn’t say stop…” Cupping his face, you lean into him and arch your back, the curved angle had his cock hitting that spongy spot with ease. His stomach was flexing with each move, Mikey was getting close - his raspy grunts were a clear indicator. Breathing him in you felt a high like you’ve never felt before. All you could think about was him. He made your mind go blank and pushed every other thought out of your head. Who were you crying about earlier? Whose lavender orbs were lingering in your thoughts? You couldn’t remember anymore.

Mikey held your body close, your clit was receiving so much friction that your thighs were starting to shake, “F-fuck…oh fuck…” You moan and close your eyes, floating off into the clouds as your orgasm crashes into you. The sensation had you going faster, to the point where he had to hold your hip in place or his cum would drip out. “Ahn, (Y/N)...” He moans and braces for his second - yes…his second orgasm. You were so caught up in Mikey’s scent and voice that you didn’t hear him say he was cumming the first time. It was already too late, your sheets were a complete mess by the time you both stopped moving. A mix of your juices and his thick cum stained the sheets. You were both left breathless and in a daze, this moment felt the closest to heaven than anything in the world.

These feelings were finally set free, he was the person who you wanted to be with, he was the person that made everything right and kept your heart at ease. Resting your head on his shoulder, you feel his heartbeat against yours. It sounded like a lullaby - one that you wouldn’t mind listening to for the rest of your life. This blissful moment came to an end when the sound of Manjiro’s going off made you both flinch. When he tried to move, you pinned him down and tears were beginning to prick your eyes again. You wanted him to just let it ring so that you could savor this just a little longer. Panting and coming down from your high, you leaned in to crash your lips on his, kissing him and devouring him.  “...stay.” You cry between each kiss. “Don’t leave…” For three years you waited for him to walk through that door and now that he’s here, you don’t want him to leave. You had absurd hopes, you are asking the head of Bonten to drop everything for you. Rolling you over so that you both were on your sides, he wrapped his arms around you and exhaled. His gesture told you everything you needed to know, he was leaving the next day - he only came here to see you one last time. 

“I know I can’t ask you to come back to Tokyo and I can’t ask you to wait for me…” He spoke and nuzzled his face against yours. Closing your eyes, you braced yourself - what was he going to say next?

*2 years later*

The sensation of someone touching your face woke you up from your nap. Dazed and confused, you open your eyes and see the culprit. Blonde tresses and dark eyes, yet their smile felt like the sun. Chubby little fingers were now poking your face and their face was now in your face. “M-ma…” Your one year old son babbles and smiles at you. “Akio…shouldn’t you be napping?” You say to your child as if he could understand you. Sitting up, you check the time and smile when you open the message notification. Picking up your kiddo, you get ready with them - shower and change. Going about your day, you caught up with errands and came home. It was already late afternoon, possibly around 17:30. In the kitchen you prepare to eat and feed the baby, midway into feeding and you hear the front door open. The sound of someone dropping luggage and footsteps coming closer makes your heart skip a beat, and finally… “Angel…I’m home.” The sound of Mikey’s voice echoed, you were just about to respond but baby Akio decided to respond for you by babbling loudly. He recognized the sound of his father’s voice. 

When Mikey walks into the kitchen his eyes soften, seeing the beautiful sight in front of him makes his heart melt. You were sitting with the baby on your lap and when your eyes met his - he came closer to plant a kiss on your lips. You feel the baby being lifted from your lap, Manjiro picks him up and embraces his son - that child is all Manjiro, hardly even looks like you. His first born, his pride and joy that he only gets to visit once every two months. “You better not be keeping your mom up at night kiddo, I’ll kick your little ass if you are.” He whispers loud enough for you to hear him. “Manjiro!” You say and laugh. 

Manjiro’s proposal was to relocate to Okinawa as there were more available flights and you’d still be able to start a new life. That night he came to visit you in Wakkanai - he stayed only for a day but planned your futures together. No, he couldn’t leave Boten and is still head of the organization but gets about 2 weeks of leave every two months. He promised you the world and he gave it to you. Well, the baby was a surprise but still - they were your world. The others kept their same duties and their distance. There was only one other person who checked in with you and that was Sanzu - he couldn’t help but be elated that he was an uncle. Not to mention that it’s his King’s heir… 

The bitter feelings with Ran settled, you no longer held any resentment for him. If anything you felt sympathy, it turned out that his mistress’s child wasn’t his. He went through all that only to find out that it’s another man’s child. The truth came to light 8 months after the child was born. The underlings began to point out the difference in appearance when the baby got a little older. It looked nothing like Ran or even Rindou. Once the paternity test was done and the results confirmed their suspicion - you can say that he had lost his shit and threw them out, baby and all. He was trying his best to be a better person, to do right at least by you - he knew you’d never forgive him for forsaking his blood. Karma had other plans for him. Now he’s much more careful with who he sleeps with. When the rest of Bonten found out about your relationship with Mikey, it broke him. He couldn’t wrap his head around the thought of you being with someone else, even if that person was his boss. He begged to see you, but was only given a single phone call. He broke down and bursted into tears, apologizing to you and he let everything out. From the beginning of your relationship to the bitter end - it was a weight that was lifted off his shoulders. This call put out the fires in each other’s hearts. No, you didn’t forgive him but you both came to terms with everything that happened. Now you were just strangers to each other, nothing more and nothing less. 

Throughout the evening, Manjiro spent time with his son - allowing you to also catch a break from being a mom. Preparing your son for bedtime, Mikey takes him to his room and you can hear Akio coo at Mikey. “P-pa…papapa” Fifteen minutes roll by as you wait in the living room for Mikey to come back. Laying back, you see him tiptoe back, he looks a little worn out - putting a baby to sleep is hard. Collapsing into your chest, he groans and wraps himself around you. “You ok daddy?” You ask playfully and stroke his hair. Nodding and burying himself deeper into your chest, he hums and says yes. “Everyday Akio looks more and more like you. Are you sure he’s my baby? It’s like you gave birth to him or cloned yourself.” You chuckle and continue to stroke his hair. Mikey sits up quickly and stares into your eyes with a serious look. Perhaps this was not the right thing to say knowing what happened to Ran. He leans slowly, you were a little worried until he placed a tender kiss on your lips. “Yeah? Wanna try again?”  He says and wiggles his eyebrows up and down, the mischievous smirk on his face hints at making another baby. ❤️

END

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[eternal-echoes]

“… can you imagine how many people do not exist today because an STD destroyed their would-be mother's fertility? While some sexually transmitted infections cause minor irritation and inconvenience, others have the capacity to alter the course of human history. This is no exaggeration. If an STD impairs a woman's fertility, and a single child does not come into being, neither will his children or grandchildren. In time, it creates a ripple that prevents the lives of dozens and even hundreds of other people.

Therefore, when a woman practices the virtue of chastity, she not only safeguards her own body. By protecting the treasure of her womb, her abstinence becomes an expression of maternal love that guards the existence of countless generations. If only the idea of purity were expressed to young girls in such a way, how much easier would it be for them to see the connection between love and chastity!

The world considers such logic silly. "Don't be so uptight. Just use protection." Those who promote the outdated concept of safe sex make two grave mistakes. First, they overestimate the effectiveness of the condom in preventing disease. In one study, scientists followed four hundred college girls for a period of about five years. During that time, 6o percent of the girls contracted HPV. The scientists noted, "Always using male condoms with a new partner was not protective."1 It's too bad that the scientists didn't inform the women about the limitations of the condom before they volunteered for the research.

Secondly, it's a dangerous exaggeration to call sex "safe" because a piece of latex is involved. Imagine if a young woman approached us in tears after a broken sexual relationship. Let's say she had given away her virginity and felt devastated upon seeing her ex-boyfriend flirting with other girls weeks after telling her that he "never felt this way about a girl before." Now imagine if we consoled her by saying, "Hey, cheer up. You're not pregnant. You didn't get an STD. You're safe!"

Safe? She's destroyed.

Promoting safe sex makes as much sense as telling a child to wear a helmet if he's going to play in traffic. Just as a helmet would only provide partial protection to part of the body, the condom only offers partial protection to the whole woman. In fact, the idea of safe sex is degrading because it reduces a woman to her genitals: As long as they're protected, she's safe. How about keeping the rest of her safe?

Some may object to such an idea, arguing, "C'mon. Nobody is saying the condom protects you from the emotional aspect of sexuality." But the problem is that nobody seems concerned about that. The culture has become so jaded that we spend billions of dollars handing out condoms without teaching people the difference between love and lust.”

-Jason and Crystalina Evert, How to Find Your Soulmate Without Losing Your Soul

Rachel Winer et al., "Genital Human Papillomavirus Infection: Incidence and Risk Factors in a Cohort of Female University Students," American Journal of Epidemiology 157, no. 3 (2003): 218-26.

[deathmetalunicorn1]

May I request a reader who comes from a different world who worshipped the Greek/Norse gods (Ex: Aphrodite, Hermes, Apollo, Loki), and had a good relationship with them, and comes into the ROR world all confused on why the gods want to destroy humanity… still being very respectful to the gods, even if they’re different versions of the ones they worship as long as they respect them back, but still on humanities side since they don’t what anyone to die.

I used very small information on people irl who are Hellenic pagans, and the gods seem very nice! So that compared to the ROR gods who want humans dead would be interesting.

I remember doing a similar one to this, only the world where Reader originally came from the gods were downright terrifying, like the worst versions of the gods.

-It was strange, this Valhalla looked so much like your Valhalla, the one you called home, but there were things that were so different, mainly with the gods.

-When you arrived in this Valhalla, many of the humans and gods were curious as you were from another dimension, they wanted to know about your world, like how things differed.

-The gods in both worlds looked pretty much the same, maybe with a few different fashion choices here and there, like with Aphrodite, who was more covered and had better support for her…endowments. This Aphrodite told you to explain and while a bit embarrassed, you did, “She keeps hers leashed with a supportive bra, one that is easy on her back, as she doesn’t want to risk sagging boobs by having them flying free all the time.”

-You explained, while Loki was poking your cheek with a smile on his face,  that your world’s Loki was a prankster as well, something he did enjoy, but he was less violent, not being so quick to throw hands with those who disagreed with him.

-Your Zeus was a true leader, acting mature and fatherly, helping and guiding humans, which had led to a much better relationship with humans compared to this world, and under his example, the other gods of your world followed suit.

-It was a bit humbling to hear, learning of your world where the gods actually did their jobs, monitoring and guiding humans, helping where they were able to without interfering too much, and how much happier humanity was- like there were less wars and suffering and Valhalla was like a paradise where gods and humans got along.

-They had to wonder if this Valhalla could have been like that, if they hadn’t turn their back on humanity, the thing they created, so long ago. And the humans had to wonder how their lives would have been if all the gods actually cared, and not just the few who had.

[problemnyatic]

the biggest failure of tumblr's progressivism is that way too many of you engage with it as a way to Be A Good Person, as in to make the person you already are count as Morally Pure. To way, way too many of you, the language of social justice is far more a tool to puff up your petty personal squabbles with Moral Weight than it is a precise instrument by which one dissects the patterns of the world around them such that we may all better navigate our systems of oppression.

You will never be a good person. None of us will. It's not a thing that exists. When you take an action, it has consequences, and you can only control so many of those consequences. Your job isn't to be morally pure, or to hunt out as many hurtful actions in others as you can, but to learn how to move mindfully, accept your flaws, and adapt to new information or inconvenient revalations as painlessly as possible.

Stop throwing people away. That means yourself, too. A good world won't be achieved by creating a group of undesirables and throwing anyone who fails your purity test into that group. That's called jail. That's policing. You don't have to love everyone, but you need to separate your personal feelings from your political beliefs, and you need to act based on your political beliefs more than your personal feelings.

The core of it, of all of it, is that injustice is committed when someone has had their right to self-actualize stripped or inhibited by forces other human beings can control. When we talk over others, when we allow our societies to limit people's time, ability, liberty to live as they choose, when we tell people who they're allowed to be, allowed to love, what they're allowed to want, that is when injustice is committed. The only thing we as human beings should inhibit is intolerance, is others' freedom to inhibit each other in any other way than this.

You gotta learn how to be the bad guy. You gotta learn how to be wrong. You gotta learn how to feel your guilt, your fear, your hurt, your indignance, without taking it out on others. You gotta learn how to see everyone, everyone around you as complex individuals with valid, rich inner lives, as people, people who are just as present and real and whose feelings matter just as much as yours.

It's not about you. Learn to take an L. There are much more important things out there than being right or getting what you want. The world is big and scary and on fire but there's no shortcut for doing the work or understanding what's important to inernize. You have to try, and read, and look for answers yourself, and risk fucking up, and risk looking stupid, and say the wrong things, and keep trying anyways, because none of that's the end of the world.

Try to take more things in good faith. Try to ask "am i looking for a fight? Am I hunting for outrage? Is there a more charitable way to read this?" before dismissing everything you see that you don't like. Righteousness is your fucking enemy. When you use shorthand for big ideas, do it mindfully, judiciously.

Slow the fuck down. There's no shortcuts for this stuff. Be kind first and foremost. Be patient. Try to make less work for others, AND yourself; spend a little time to save others effort, ask for help if it would take you too much time.

I don't know. I wanted to make a more cohesive point. Just. Stop looking for a fight. Please. There's enough fighting already.