#those were what I was supposed to do but I was like. oh my god they're all kinda. not good lmao
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No Regrets
My roommate's body keeps looking at me like I'm supposed to be making the first move. It was weird enough when my roommate and his girlfriend swapped bodies for the weekend, but the unspoken tension was starting to become unbearable. "Seriously, Tiffany, you're starting to creep me out. Don't you and Daniel have plans for tonight?"
She just smiled at me. "No plans. I'm still deciding how I want to spend my evening. Daniel, though... he's taking my body out clubbing tonight. He wants to see how many free drinks he can score, and I think he's also planning to get laid." Gross. I knew better than to say anything out loud, but my face must have given me away. "Don't be such a prude, Jeff. You know we have an open relationship."
I tugged at my collar. "I know, Tiff, I'm sorry. I just... body swaps that cross the gender line still make me uncomfortable. It feels wrong, somehow. And, I mean, technically they are illegal."
"Oh please, get over yourself," she said, tossing herself onto his bed. "Swaps over 12 hours are also illegal, but that didn't stop you from hiring someone to take your Calc exam two weeks ago. You need to learn how to relax. Not everything you were told on Sundays is true, you know. Some things aren't actually all that bad. You're only clutching your pearls because society told you that swapping genders was bad. What harm is there, as long as both people consent?"
I wanted to argue, but I knew Tiffany was absolutely correct. There wasn't anything wrong with the two of them swapping bodies outside of society telling us that men and women could only swap with other men and other women. Which... given the way that their open relationship also defied societal expectations, I suppose it wasn't too much of a surprise that the two of them thought so little about swapping like this. "You're right, and I'm sorry. I... I'm trying, really. You've heard how conservative my childhood was. It's a lot to unlearn."
"Well, maybe it's time to start unlearning," she said, beckoning me closer. "You want to know the real reason I'm still here? It's because of you, stud. I'm here to see you." Did Tiffany just call me a stud? She had to be mocking me, but I could feel myself blushing all the same.
Tiffany started to unbutton my shirt, brushing her fingers along my exposed chest as she did so. I could feel myself growing erect. Were we... were we really doing this? They were in an open relationship, after all, it wasn't like he was helping Tiffany cheat on his roommate. With his roommate? God, Swappers made things confusing.
"I've seen the way you look at Daniel," she said, rubbing a hand across the stubble on my chin. "I love the man, but he's too straight and too clueless to pick up on those stares. And honestly, I can't help but think that you're too sheltered to realize you're even doing it half the time."
"I... thought I was hiding it better," I said, trying to steady my emotions. Her fingers started to tease my nipples, leaving me squirming with raw pleasure. "I still don't know if I'm bisexual, or gay, or just... Mormon. But I didn't think it mattered. He's already in a relationship with you. What I want isn't important."
"He's in an open relationship," she said, staring at me like I was a hunk of meat to be devoured. "He's also not here right now. I'm in control of this body right now, and I want to fuck you senseless. If that's what you want too, well..." Tiffany slipped her hand inside my waistband, giving my manhood a firm squeeze that had me gasping for breath. "Tonight's a perfect night to let loose. No regrets."
I couldn't hold back anymore. I leaned in for a quick kiss, which Tiffany returned with tongue. The two of us stripped down as fast as we could, though I made certain not to let her pull me onto the bed with her. "Not on Daniel's bed," I said, dragging her over to my part of the bedroom. "His sheets reek of frat boy sweat, and I doubt he has any lube."
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"I, uhh... you're alright with being on top, right?" I asked, as I handed her the bottle of lube from my nightstand. It occurred to me that we hadn't actually talked through any plans, set boundaries, or anything like that. "The way you phrased it, I'm assuming that's what you meant, I just--"
"Stop. Thinking." Seeing Daniel's face looming over me, with a look of pure lust on his face, it was everything I never knew I needed. I started rolling over onto my knees before she yelled at me. "Not like that, stay on your back. I want to see your face as I fuck you senseless."
Tiffany spent the entire time telling me exactly what to do, and it was everything I could have ever wanted. She got me lubed, eased me onto her massive manhood, and railed me like there was no tomorrow. My chest was coated in strands of my own cum, while Daniel's cum slowly leaked out of my ass. I'd never had a no-hands orgasm before, but holy hell I could not believe how amazing that felt.
"I can't believe we just did that," I said, trying to catch my breath. She responded by scooping up some of the jizz off of my torso and putting it into her mouth. She was making an entire production out of licking it off of her finger, and I could feel myself getting hard again. "So, uhh... you... you'll be in Daniel's body for the entire evening?"
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"If that's your way of asking me if I'd like to fuck you again? The answer is yes," she said, giving me a wink. "Even better, we might be able to make this a weekly thing," she added, standing up to grab some towels. "I don't think I'll have to fight too hard to convince Daniel to swap. What sort of straight man doesn't enjoy having boobs?"
God, I was falling for her so hard. What had I gotten myself into? Life was going to be a long, awkward hell once my roommate was back in his own body. And yet... I had to admit, I had no regrets.
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LionessesXDeafReader)
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Warning: deaf reader
A/N : when i Put something in ' ' it means it's signed
Summary: you get called up for your first England Camp and people are not taking it well. the fact that you are Keira Walsh's Baby sister doesn't make it any either. And you start doubting If you even should be there.
You sit on a bean bag in the gaming/TV room at England Camp. It was just the first day. The comments you have read so far were mostly great and supportive under the Team list of who made the cut. But then you read comments about yourself. Lots of mean ones including:
'how is she supposed to win us anything? she can't even hear instructions!'
'she is only on the team cause of Keira. she must have put a good word in for y/n.'
'her on the Team feels like a charity case!'
There were lots more of those comments. Which only made your self doubt become worse. Even though if it was just a first full day everyone had noticed that you were acting distant. Especially towards your sister & on top of that Grace. Your girlfriend. You just wanted to focus on football. Deep down you knew you were able to play at this level. You were one of the Star Players at Arsenal. Yes you and your sister played for two different teams. So did you and your girlfriend. But your best friend Alessia was playing for Arsenal with you. While your girlfriend Grace was playing with your other best friend Tooney. If you weren't any good Sarina wouldn't have called you up to play for the lionesses. But still theres a part of you hurt by people thinking just because you were deaf that you couldn't do your job. In the last five games for Arsenal you scored 7 Goals. That alone was saying alot. Yet there were still people wanting to bring you down.
'you are avoiding me!' you see your girlfriend sign, she showed up out of nowhere so you put your phone away.
'i am not!' you look at her and frown.
'you are! you are also avoiding Keira, Less & Tooney. And basically everyone!' she was clearly concerned.
'grace i am fine. just let it go.'
The fact that you didn't use a cute pet name for her was confirmation enough that something was totally not right.
Less and Tooney were also in the room, looking over at the two of you. they knew something was up as soon as you said you didn't want to play cards with them. And the discussion you had with Grace only confirmed that for them as well.
At the same time with Keira, Leah and Lucy...
"Keira, i think i know why your sister is keeping to herself." Lucy told her. Handing her Phone over to her. Showing the comments under the Squad post that are related to you.
"that's nasty!" Leah said, after Keira wordlessly showed them to her.
"i hope she knows that this Is crap. Nothing about this Is true!" Keira stated.
"well you should try and talk to her about that." Lucy replied.
'yeah either you do it or i will. If we wait for too long she is gonna Spiral!" Your England Captain and Arsenal teammate said.
"i will talk to her, don't worry about it." Keira let them know and then went to look for you.
She found you and Grace still arguing. Looking over at Less & Tooney.
"what is this about?" Keira asked your two best friends.
"y/n is claiming how fine things are and that she is not avoiding anyone! Even though we all know she is!" Tooney stated.
"they going back and forth now for almost 20 minutes!" Alessia explained.
"i want to know why she is avoiding us." Tooney stated and Keira grabbed her own Phone to show her and Lessi.
"Lucy thinks this might be the reason and honestly i think so too!" Keira let them know.
"oh my god. This Is terrible. And not true! She deserves to be here!" Alessia stated.
"which is why i will talk to her now." Your sister answered.
The Talk with Grace has gotten to a point where you both have gotten frustrated with one another that you stood up and wanted to race past your sister but Keira quickly grabbed your hand.
'stay. We need to Talk.'
'no we don't!'
'you do need to start letting us in on what's happening.' Alessia looked at you. Worry written across her face.
'fine. what do you want to know?'
'why you are acting this way. You avoiding us is not normal.'
'i don't belong here.'
'so it's about the comments!' Keira let out a soft sigh. Grace now standing next to you.
'what comments?' she wanted to know. Keira showing her the comments. Grace looked mad now.
'those comments are not true! you are amazing and you deserve this place in the Team!' Grace let you know.
'deep down i know. but those comments still hurt. i just want to show them how wrong they are!'
'then let's do that!' Tooney smiled at you.
The team put out a Statement that there is no place for bullying in any form. And that people who are disrespectful towards the players, especially the Younger ones Like you (you were only 22 years old) shouldn't watch the games.
You could Show them what you are made of during a Game against Portugal were you scored two Goals during your debut which sure did shut up the haters. Getting praised by your teammates and Sarina.
You couldn't hear but your eyes were working perfectly fine.
#woso x reader#woso request#woso fic#woso x lionesses reader#keira walsh x walsh reader#grace clinton x reader#lucy bronze x reader#leah williamson x reader
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Had another Si-Oc thought >.>
My standard "you know what Would Be Cool?" Musings...
Getting reborn, as you do, ending up Force Sensitive, as can only be the case. Because really... how ELSE would you soul end up there? CHANCE? Force ghosts are a PROVEN thing! We KNOW that the Force sometimes just... deals in souls.
Ffs, it MADE A BABY.
Yes, there was Sith interference there. But that doesn't chance the fact that it went? "Eh, good enough. I'll take the chance and run with it. Thanks~☆ Mine Now~~☆ Bye~~~☆" And Chosen One'd that baby. Because ultimately? Before the plans of gods and men? The Force Laughs.
So like? Yeah. If there WAS to be a Reincarnator?
Probably the Force.
Congrats on the new, third (or second, depends on your species. Might be another number entirely, honestly. But we are averaging here so MOVE ON), Parent! They are very, very happy to see you! Love you as only a Primordial, Extradimensional, Timeless, Formless, All Pervasive, Orange-Blue Morality havin', Not-A-God Super-God CAN. Their Benevolence? Could be called another God's cruelty.
They don't MEAN too. They are just.... really, really Big. Infinite. Not organic or mortal. It's like trying to comprehend the limitations of an ant, living on a planet, circling a sun, in a GALAXY the size of a DUST MOTE. The fact that the Force can even come CLOSE? Is literally miraculous.
But of course... OC? Not the Chosen One. The favorite, special, "I have Important Things For You" child. Which.... turns out to actually? Be kinda great. The realize that quickly. Which of course, is followed by the logical follow up.
Anikin? Fuckin SCREWED. Because he IS the Favorite Child.
Oh... oh No. Oh Fuck, that is a CHILD.
How easy it is, to cast blame, to judge, when you can't FEEL the Force in your EVERYTHING. All the time. Every moment of every day. Beautiful but cacophonous, like a symphony of screaming. Like staring at the sun and never going blind. It still hurts. But it's so... so bright. So Beautiful.
Connection. To the universe itself. Soul deep and transcendent. You can feel that the universe loves you. That there is good in people. That Life itself is worth protecting. But at the same time? It is... it is so much.
Because you can FEEL the ugly too.
The greed. The hate. The suffering. Lights snuffed out, in dark places of despair. Selfish actions and deep cruelties, like barbed wire against the soul. Thorns that hook and drag. And... and you're supposed to use your words. Just... just ASK them to stop? And, What? Hope that they WILL?
It HURTS!
But pain only begets more pain. Cruelty, more cruelties still. And only the Sith, believe they can use FORCE, in any sense of the word, to change a persons nature. The Jedi build. Grow. They work together, with those who are willing, towards something better. Defend, those who can not protect themselves.
Balance and growth. Not fire and chains.
And Oc is pretty sure Anikin will agree. No one should ever be in chains. Dead maybe. Or in jail. But never, ever, in chains. (And no one ever said they were pacifists. Just not war mongers. Sometimes the only answer IS to kill your opponent. To respect their choice, but honor your commitments. Protect those you swore to protect.)
Of course... OC? Going through Jedi training. It's Pre-Anikin days. Both she and Obi-Wan are fuckin Smol. She's not even in his Creche clan. She's over here in the "wanders off, lost in their own thoughts" Chill AF Creche Clan. Not Mr. "May you Live In Interesting Times And Have Padawans JUST LIKE YOOOOOOOU" and Co., over in the... "Energetic" Creche Clan.
None of HER Creche-mates BIT people, Obi-Wan.
WE keep our fuckin teeth to ourselves, Kenobi!
So, obviously, THEY don't have a lifetime ban on the "look, don't touch" fragile plants meditation garden. Very Rich in the Force. Good for focusing. Peaceful, really. And Oc? Has the time and space? To Consider™ things. Experiment. Ponder Fandom theories. Long "lost" Cannon techniques. Maybe have one-sided chats with the Force.
.....finally get CURIOUS™.
And wonder... if? Since, you know, through the Force, she can encourage and discourage plants to grow? And somewhat control animals. Why not... micro-organisms? Say, Midi-chlorians? Force healing is all ready a thing! So the Force all ready CAN interact with the body. Effect it. Change it. What is this, but more?
Really, all she'd have to do is find them, within herself, right? They're already a part of her! Yet... not. Do they consider themselves a part of her? Or is it symbiosis? Yeah, everyone says it can't be done. Perhaps shouldn't be done. But, frankly? They said the same about a LOT of Force techniques over the years. Big leaps in progress scare the SHIT out of folks. Cause if you miss? A LOT of people can die gorey.
So she sits. Mediates. Looks. Smaller... and smaller.... and smaller....
Until she finds whispers. Humming. Chatter.
As though each and every blood cell in her body had a teeny, tiny, whispery little voice. All chattering together, talking and arguing and discussing. One great hive of progress and industry. Complaining about a lack of potassium... huh. She goes and gets some fruit. Eats it. Then settles back into meditation.
They are JOYOUS! Potassium! Yaaaaay! ᐠ( ᐛ )ᐟᐠ( ᐛ )ᐟᐠ( ᐛ )ᐟᐠ( ᐛ )ᐟᐠ( ᐛ )ᐟ
Well... what'd ya know... huh. Hello there? She tries. Only to get a whispery and very alarmed ( ˶°ㅁ°) !! BODY CAN TALKヽ(°〇°)ノ ‽‽‽ Y-Yeah... she can. (How are they doing that?) The conversation? Only gets more surreal from there. Filled with... a surprising number of kaomojis.
But! She DOES figure out? How to increase her Midi-chlorians count. (By asking. Supplying needed resources for the expansion.) And WITH it? He awareness blooms.
The headache is... awful. The little guys(genderless) are WAY to enthusiastic. Working way too fast. If she didn't check the next morning? They might have continued to increase, indefinitely, until her veins were SOLID midi-chlorian. They just want to HELP, you see. And if you want More? Then surely FAR TOO MUCH is better, right?
(She may have fucked up. Oh god. Ow. Fuck. OW.)
Eventually she figure it out. Only gives her healer in training Creche mate a... few near heart attacks. He'll TOTALLY forgive her! (He will not. What the FUCK OC. Experimental medical procedures?! On YOURSELF!? You're not even HEALER TRACK!!!)
So NOW? She can reliably do it to OTHERS.
Need a bit more Midi-chlorians? Nearly Jedi quality but juuuuust under that cut off? She can fix that. Come. Be a jedi. Everyone should be a jedi. In FACT~! Whoops! Oh hey. Looks like all these Midi-chlorian counters are fuckin broken! (They look perfect fi-)(Broken! :] Do Not question me) So when you find that Orohan Child in desperate need of love and care? Just bring um on back!
They're TOTALLY Force sensitive. You can just tell. It's the vibes. Look at their lil face. Vibes, man. Just hand um here. For... reasons. You go get the paperwork. A working tester. And~? Oh would you look at THAT! Perfectly within acceptance range! Neat. Called it again, didn't you, Master Koon? You really do have an eye for these things. Anyway~ off to get this little one settled~~☆ *adoring cooing noises at the baby*
Weird, huh, how there suddenly just... SO MANY random orphan babies that are force sensitive? How 'bout that >.> strangest thing.
Of course, it's a god damned open secret. Everyone KNOWS. How could they not? But? Like with most things? If they don't Officially Know™? They don't have to stop it. And it DOES help both the Force AND those kids. Can be reversed if they don't like it, later. (They asked. All hypothetical of course.) So OC is basically Temple bound, so she can receive any new kiddos. To... you know... Check Their Health, on the way to ACTUAL healers.
But she's ALSO waiting. And as her skill increases? She can FEEL midi-chlorians, easier and easier. Until it gets to the point? Where if she's bored and zoning out? Not even ture meditation anymore? She accidentally tunes into Midi-chlorian Live~☆ the talk show. (What's the latest gossip from bodies nearest to her? Oh? Your second spleen is acting funny? Better remember to tell him to get that chec-)
Palpatine can't hide SHIT. It's literally in his blood.
And MAD at him.
This is NOT what they're FOR. He's taking TERRIBLE care of his body! Fuck you! Fuck you, fuck you, FUCK YOOOOOOU! You want power? Choke on it, you-!!!!!
Holy shit. So THATS what Sith Midi-chlorians feel like. Oh my god. They... they are SO MAD. Like tiny wasps. That have been violently shaken in a jar. She's never used the word "seething" in reference to someone before... but like...? If they COULD stab him? Man would be a thick paste at this point.
She's not sure what facial expression she makes. But it sure is obvious. As is the blatant, horrified staring. And refusal to get near him. HE doesn't notice, being to busy with the powerful. But the Jedi sure as fuck do. Because THEY sent her? Out with a Shadow. You know... just in case.
Cause she literally can not be replaced.
She not High Ranked... she's just priceless. Equal sort of significance, but in a very quiet, Soft Power sort of way. She is, after all, single handedly? Reversing centuries of slow population decline. Her entire Line promises to be the next Yoda's line. Priceless and with far reaching significance. So obviously, they're making sure that shit stays locked down.
No one is to so much as BREATHE about this.
Not until her great-great-GREAT Grand Padawan has passed their Knight Trials so HELP US. We LEARN from our mistakes! Need we bring out the records? Times we got cocky? Sith and political fuckery!? No. Oc stays INVISIBLE. There is no war in Ba Sing Se! Move along!
So like? Why is Miss Midi-chlorian Sensor and Future of the Jedi... making that face? She's literally NEVER made that face. What sort of monster do you have to BE? Huh? Shadow asks, casual as fuck, like he's not a plotting plotter who's planing terrible things, what's up?
She tells him. Palpatine has RANCID vibes. His midi-chlorians fucking DISPISE him. She's literally never seen that before. In anyone. Didn't even know that was an option. They would gleefully kill him if they could.
.....senator Palpatine is Force Sensitive?
Yes.
.......Interesting™(Ominous Intent)
Says local Shadow, who is perhaps putting together some dots. May not be getting the correct picture. But is getting the Vibe. And boy howdy, he does NOT like the vibe. Has got himself some questions. Cause Mr "uwu I'm harmless" lil mask? Only holds up? If you're willing to believe him.
Shadows don't buy that shit. Shadows? Need receipts. Full character statements and an audit on the fucking hospital you were BORN AT. Every credit you picked up off the side walk, why, and where you spent it.
Give them your Secrets. Or they'll keep digging until they find them.
uwu Their ASS. Gonna tear this bitch APART.
......huh. So THIS is why you guys keep accidentally getting married to Mandalorians on missions. (We agreed not to mention that.) (Fucker, I agreed to nothing. Shouldn't have eaten my special Me Day pudding if you didn't want me to gossip.) Man, her friends are... a trip. Uh... have fun? Happy hunting? I guess? *feral Jedi noises*
She? Continues to wait. Palpatine? Begins to have a VERY bad time. (Ha! Get fucked!)
Unfortunately, it's not fast enough to stop his dumbass plans. He just gets desperate. Figures more power is the answer. Because of course he does. So here comes the "oh nooooo~ my planets under attack~ better manipulate a child and make me president of the galaxy!" Plan. Fucker. Bastard.
She can't stop that.
But what she CAN do? Is be there. Waiting. For HIM.
Her little brother. Her son. Her center of the universe. The most important man to ever live... and also? A scared little boy. Far, far from home. The only other person who understands just how BIG the Force is. How much it weighs. How even as it crushs you... you can't bear to put it down. Not even for a moment. Because it loves you. And it hurts, that it does.
And... oh. Oh.
He is so very small.
Dirty, tired, in lovingly mended clothes that are barely beyond scrap. With bright, bright eyes like hope and starlight. He sings inside. Like freedom. Like hope. Daring to ask "why CAN'T you be kinder?", "why CAN'T we be free?". A storm of change. Bright and beautiful.
A child. Great and small, all at once.
Oc can't help but smile. Because, oh. Oh how long, she has waited to meet him, Anikin Skywalker. Welcome. Are you hungry? Cold? Let's get cleaned up. See the healers first. The council can wait.
Chips are removed and food is shared. Warm clothes, soft and new. And she can not help but smile, smile, smile. Even as her face begins to hurt. For years she has gathered. Planned. Studied and trained. As though some part of her knew. As though all for this moment. Taking one of those small hands in hers. Looking right in his eyes.
"It's going to be okay."
Because it IS. Because regardless of what they decide? OC will be with him. Regardless, she's going to go and make sure his mother is free. Not bought, not sold. Free. She has friends who can help. Will learn how to remove the chip herself if she must.
And? He IS going to be a Jedi. Even if he never become a Coruscant Jedi. Even if he decides he doesn't agree with how they do things or they decide the disagree with how HE does things. The Jedi have changed before, they will change again. Living things are meant to grow. Meant to change. And people can be both wrong and right at the same time. It's messy.
But what's important? Is Anikin is not alone anymore. And Oc is gonna help teach him. And someday? HE'S gonna break chains. So many chains. Gonna help people heal. If he wants to. (He does) But for right now? A quick talk with some old people. Maybe a nap. And we either get settled or arrange a trip back to Tatooine. To pick up your mom. In the meantime! You can figure out what classes she might wanna take. Where seems like a good place to settle. *chatting as they walk off, hand in hand*
Just? Sometimes a Padawan-ship is you, your Teacher, your OTHER Teacher, and her body guards that teach you Cool Knife Tricks and how to gamble, behind Obi-Wan's back! :D
@legitimatesatanspawn @mayfay @leftnotright @babbling-babull @hdgnj @spidori @the-witchhunter @lolottes
#minji's writing#Chosen Family AU#star wars#anikin skywalker#star wars oc#star wars si oc#long post#i chose to believe that Shadows are the Feral Jedis#let them BITE#who gave Anikin a knife?#vos obviously#you'd THINK Thome is the level headed one#but thats a fuckin LIE#they know the truth#he just mastered the I Am A Calm Professional face#you know... Like a LIAR
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Please remember I am trans/nonbinary, my pronouns are xe/they.
I am starting to get genuinely annoyed with people’s shocked or doubtful reactions to hearing I want to have kids in the near-ish future. And I don’t mean strangers. Strangers say weird things to me all the time lol. I mean my family, my doctors, people who have known me for decades.
My mum in particular has made several comments now ranging from just genuine shock at the mention my partner and I are planning for kids during a conversation about plans for the future (I’ve literally talked about wanting kids to her since I was a kid) to outright saying during a casual conversation that “they (referring to doctors) probably wouldn’t let me carry to term”. Over Christmas my partner also told mum that we had some news we wanted to share in person, and her first reaction was “Cy’s not pregnant are they?” My partner said no and she responded with “oh thank god!”
My sister and dad have also made similar comments. Dad has brought up valid concerns (mainly about some genetic stuff that caused complications for my mum) sprinkled with the same ableism my mum always goes to. My sister I’m willing to give a bit more leniency, since she’s the only family member I talk about my transition with and she admitted recently she thought i was already medically transitioning and she thought that made you infertile so she just assumed kids were off the table. Neither of those things are true but her doubts at least aren’t tied to my disability, just bad info.
But it’s the doctors (and other healthcare professionals) that are the most frustrating. It’s not one or two. It’s nearly every doctor. Every nurse. Every medical technician. If the subject comes up, they all have something to say about it.
I don’t want to go into pregnancy blind, I know I would be at higher risk than the average pregnant person and I want to know what those risks are before I agree to them. I want to know what recourses are available. I want to know how me being in a wheelchair will change the process of things like giving birth. I want make sure the local hospital is equip to deal with that and I won’t be having to educate people while I’m in labour or if I’m better off going somewhere else.
But every doctor I’ve tried to discuss the subject with has shut the topic down and hand waved it with “we’ll cross that bridge if we get to it”. Like it’s something I’d obviously want to avoid that I probably don’t need to worry about. Even trying to get my contraceptive replaced, get a fertility test done or even getting a damn pap smear has been a nightmare. why am I fighting to get a Pap smear??? I’m nearly 30 and still haven’t been able to get one because several doctors seem to be under the impression I’m not sexually active, even when I bring my partner into the appointment. If they say it out loud (half the time they dance around the subject) and I correct them, they are genuinely shocked, then tell me we’ll worry about that later. Nurses and other healthcare providers are no better. There’s been several occasions where I haven’t been asked the mandatory “could I be pregnant” question when going for X-rays or CT scans (and I know they were supposed to ask because if I ask to see the paperwork, it’s always there and they’ve just checked “no” without asking), or if I am asked at intake, they say something to the effect of “I know the answer is probably no, but is there any chance you could be pregnant?”
Though I take back what I said earlier, there’s one comment from strangers on this front that pisses me off, and it’s “be thankful you don’t have to deal with being pestered about having kids”.
No, I won’t be thankful when my reproductive health is ignored, my family are telling me constantly they think I shouldn’t have kids or expressing surprise that I’m even “allowed to” and I can’t even get any answers about what it would look like if I DO get pregnant. My heart goes out to the people who are harassed and pressured into having kids, and to the people whose health is ignored for the sake of them being able to have a baby. Both my mother and sister have dealt with that, my mum almost died because they didn’t want to do anything that would prevent her from having more kids she didn’t want after my younger sister was born. But BOTH things are terrible and shouldn’t be happening!
Im not unreasonable, if someone brought up a decent, genuine concern to me that wasn’t just “can someone in a wheelchair even look after a kid” or “I didn’t think someone like you even has sex” I would reconsider. If it was found I would be likely to experience serious complications for myself or the baby, I would reconsider. If I found out I wasn’t going to have the needed supports to raise a kid, I would reconsider. But everyone assumes that’s what I want. If I were infertile, or any of these things were true, I’d reconsider, but I’d be upset about it! I’ve always wanted to be a parent and if that was something that wasn’t actually possible, I would be sad about it.
But my family members talk to me about it in the same way they did when I was 10 and didn’t know where babies came from, doctors are shocked at the idea I’m even sexually active let alone thinking about children. I’m genuinely worried the people in my life other than my partner would treat any fertility issues like a good thing, or be shocked that I’d be upset if kids weren’t actually on the table anymore.
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Meet the Heffley’s
Rodrick Heffley x reader
Summary: Rodrick’s girlfriend meets his chaotic family, and Manny tries to steal her. She loves it anyway.
Word count: 1010
Notes: this is very random but I love Rodrick so I needed to write something
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Title: Meet the Heffleys
Meeting your boyfriend’s family is supposed to be a big deal, right? Like, one of those moments where you dress nice, bring flowers or something, and sit down for an awkwardly polite dinner while his parents judge you.
Yeah. That’s not how things work with Rodrick Heffley.
When he invited me over for dinner, it was more like, “Hey, my mom said you should come over and eat with us or whatever.” Super romantic. But I agreed because, well… I wanted to meet them. Rodrick talks about his family all the time, mostly to complain, but still. I was curious.
So, here I am, standing on the Heffleys’ front porch, wondering if I should have brought something. Probably not. This doesn’t seem like the kind of house where formal dinner etiquette exists.
Before I can knock, the door swings open, and there he is.
Rodrick smirks, leaning against the doorframe like he’s so cool. “Well, well, well. Look who finally decided to show up.”
I roll my eyes, stepping closer. “I’m on time.”
“Yeah, well, you were supposed to be, like, ten minutes late so I could say something sarcastic about it.”
I laugh and kiss his cheek, just to make him flustered. It works. His smirk falters for half a second before he clears his throat and steps aside. “Alright, come in before my mom starts thinking I made you up.”
The inside of the house is exactly what I expected. A little messy, with random shoes lying around, a stack of newspapers no one’s bothered to throw away, and a distinct family chaos vibe. The smell of dinner cooking comes from the kitchen, something warm and homey.
And then I hear it.
“Rodrick! She’s here?!”
Before I can react, a woman appears—short, blonde, and way too excited. I barely have time to brace myself before she pulls me into a hug. “It’s so nice to finally meet you! I’m Susan, Rodrick’s mom. Oh, you’re even prettier than I imagined!”
“Uh, thanks,” I manage, shooting a look at Rodrick, who just shrugs like, Yeah, this is happening.
His mom pulls back, holding me at arm’s length. “Rodrick never tells us anything about his personal life. You should’ve seen my face when he said he had a girlfriend. I almost dropped my coffee!”
Rodrick groans. “Mom.”
“What?” She waves him off. “I’m just happy to meet her. Oh, come in, come in! We’re just about to set the table.”
I follow her into the dining room, where a younger boy sits at the table, flipping through a comic book. He glances up, eyes narrowing slightly.
“You’re Rodrick’s girlfriend?”
“Greg,” Susan scolds. “Be nice.”
“What? I’m just saying.” Greg shrugs, then looks at me. “You do know he’s, like, the worst, right?”
“Hey, shut up, loser,” Rodrick snaps, dropping into a chair.
I grin. “Oh, I know.”
Greg blinks, clearly not expecting that. Then he mutters, “Huh. Okay.”
That’s when I feel a tiny hand grab mine.
I glance down to see a little kid—Manny, I recognize him from Rodrick’s rare stories about him—staring up at me with big eyes.
“I have a girlfriend too,” he announces proudly.
Susan gasps. “Manny! Since when?”
“Since yesterday,” he says, like it’s obvious. Then he looks back up at me and asks, completely serious, “Do you like dinosaurs?”
I nod. “Who doesn’t like dinosaurs?”
Manny grins, clearly satisfied with my answer. “Okay. You’re my second girlfriend now.”
Rodrick groans. “Oh my God.”
Greg snickers. “Dude, you already have competition.”
Manny tugs at my sleeve again. “Rodrick is gross. Do you wanna be just my girlfriend instead?”
Rodrick drops his fork. “Are you kidding me? Mom, tell him he can’t steal my girlfriend!”
Susan barely holds back a laugh. “Manny, sweetie, she’s Rodrick’s girlfriend.”
Manny huffs. “Fine.”
This is amazing.
Dinner is… interesting. The food is good—spaghetti and garlic bread—but the conversation is pure chaos. Susan keeps asking me questions about school, my family, my plans for the future (Rodrick groans at that one). Greg watches me like he’s trying to figure out why I’d willingly date his brother. And Manny? He spends the whole meal making dramatic faces at Rodrick and occasionally whispering, “Rodrick is a doo-doo head.”
Rodrick spends most of the meal making sarcastic comments and kicking me under the table whenever his mom gets too nosy.
At one point, their dad, Frank, comes in late, looking exhausted. He gives me a polite nod, sits down, and immediately starts ranting about something Rodrick did last week. Rodrick barely reacts, just shoveling food into his mouth while his mom scolds him and Greg smirks like he enjoys watching his brother get in trouble.
It’s loud. It’s messy. It’s so different from my own family’s quiet dinners.
And I kind of love it.
After we eat, Rodrick grabs my hand and tugs me toward the stairs. “Alright, we’re done here. Bye.”
“Rodrick, wait—” Susan starts, but he’s already leading me to his room.
The second he shuts the door, he groans. “I told you my family was annoying.”
I flop onto his bed, laughing. “I like them.”
He gives me a look. “You like them?”
“Yeah. Your mom is sweet, Greg is funny, and Manny… well, he’s trying to steal me, but other than that, he’s adorable.”
Rodrick snorts. “I knew that kid was trouble.”
I smile and lean in, pressing a kiss to his cheek. “Not worried, are you?”
He grumbles something under his breath, but I can tell he’s relieved. And maybe even a little happy.
Yeah. I think I’m gonna like being around the Heffleys.
#rodrick heffley#rodrick heffley x reader#rodrick heffley x y/n#rodrick x reader#rodrick x y/n#diary of a wimpy kid#doawk rodrick#doawk#diary of a wimpy kid rodrick
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Can I please request a Dick Grayson x black reader smut, we know that man is nasty and when he’s in love he’s down right filthy so he’ll be into spanking, hair pulling chocking, and he’s definitely eating pussy like his life depends on it. Do what you want just make him as nasty as ever 🤎🤎🤎
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𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆 | +18, mdni, dick grayson x black!reader, black!fem, hair pulling, oral (v receiving), pet names: dollface, baby, darling, mama, love, friends to lovers trope, dirty talk, backshots, pound town, gushy gushy
𝐀𝐔𝐓𝐇𝐎𝐑 | ANON, I'm not even gon' lie... I struggled with this one soooo bad 😭 I was over here tryna give you like a whole ass story and what now, but then my ass was way too stubborn, and way too horny to do all that soooo I just typed away at it as much as I could. Hopefully you like it. If not, sue my writer's block lol.
please comment, like and reblog!! Enjoy lovebugs!!! 🦠🩷
𝐀𝐇𝐇, 𝐘𝐄𝐒, we know Dick is a nasty man, he likes it sloppy, filthy to the point you're a quivering whimpering mess, right?
It was kinda hard...at first... to believe how nasty this man could be.
How could someone so energetic with such a cocky personality trapped in a god like body with that millionaire dollar smile make a girl cum in seconds?
Your relationship was mutual. You both had the same friends but never budged to hang out with each other.
It didn't mean he never had his eyes on you, though.
The way you walked, how you talked, dressed and styled yourself never failed to amaze him. Your hair was either in braids or in its natural habit-- curls. You always had your nails done and your scent was always a mixture between cookie dough, vanilla, and coco butter.
Your personality was cute and charming, oftentimes you were a bit shy and quiet, but once you got comfortable around somebody you were okay.
Usually, Dick hopped from girl to girl, could never stay committed at times and getting to know you genuinely as friend wasn't supposed to go any further than that...but it did.
You were constantly on his mind, effortlessly grabbing at his attention, you had a way of caring for people-- it was almost like a motherly instinct to nurture someone.
There were moments when you two were face to face, talking, having a normal conversation about something and you'd just...lightly brush a strand from his face or fix the collar of his shirt.
Oh, his tie is crooked? Let me fix that.
Got a crumb on his face? Let me wipe that off for you.
Eventually, coming over to each other's apartments turned into sleeping over, getting weirdly comfortable with cuddling, having deep, intimate conversations that most friends or associates wouldn't have with each other.
But that was the issue, you both were comfortable, and usually comfortability led to numerous things.
Things that became private and secluded from the rest, things that took time for him to accept and realize. Things that allowed you to invite him and read you like a book. He took time out of his own world to get to know you from the inside out. He took time to settle for the innocent things that were ultimately sweet to the point his teeth were rotting.
It took time to understand this wasn't a friendship, it was more than just a simple hug, a glance in those beautiful eyes, a brush of the hands, having mental check ins, texting and calling each other nonstop-- it was more than just platonic.
Because best believe when he's found himself stuck in a place where you're truly his only option, his only solitude, his only source of light and recharge-- he'll come running to you. He's done it plenty of times, more than you can count.
Even when he thought it was the stupidest idea to land on your balcony at the weakest time of his patrol, you took care of him without even knowing.
You took care of him like you would at campus, eating with friends, hanging out-- you were always in his corner. So when he reveals to you who he truly was, Nightwing, it felt like a tone of bricks slipped off his shoulders.
Your promise of keeping his identity a secret felt more sacred than anything.
He had gotten comfortable with just sneaking his way into your apartment, unless he didn't warn you ahead of time, everything was on lock down. Born and raised in Gotham taught you so many things and keeping your home secure at all times was one of them.
When he does come over after a nightly patrol, it's never a dull moment where your stitching him up, cleaning the blood from off his skin, icing his cheek with a bag of frozen fruit...there was never a dull moment when he's sitting there like a little kid observing you glancing over him and checking every aspect of him, making sure that he was okay and in piece...never a dull moment when he wants to lean in and kiss you...but something always got in the way.
Nonetheless, he makes it his goal to at least try,
On a Friday night, after patrol, he realized how far he was from home.
As much as he wanted to take a break from visiting you, tonight had him beat.
He wasn't feeling up to swinging from rooftop to rooftop when your apartment was literally right here.
Coming to your place unannounced was never his intention, nonetheless, you invited him in anyway. Cleaning up his wounds and washing the blood, dirt and grime from off his suit, he heads to the bathroom for a shower.
Once he was done, he stepped out in only a pair of sweats. His hair a mixture of dry and wet strands curling around his eyes and shoulders gave him that boyish charm that made most girls go feral. Along with the sight of his toned torso, bitable muscles and imprint of his bulge...yeah, you were in deep.
And trying to stay cool, calm and collected while standing beside you, in the kitchen, leaning against the counter with his foot crossed over the other, arms crossed while eating a banana wasn't getting you nowhere.
You were finding it hard to make eye contact with him, too scared to stumble over your words when he gazed over you with those piercing sapphire eyes and beautiful smile. He was speaking to you so casually, but your thighs were practically clenching against one another.
Your body was hot, heart beating quicker than usual while your mind was going to places that it shouldn't. Yet here you were feeling some type of way, and when you were done with those damn dishes, you both settled on the couch. Putting on a horror movie to pass on the time.
Neither of you were really tired, it was only 1:30 on a Saturday morning, so settling with that seemed plausible.
15 minutes in man spreading with his eyes trained on the screen. He mindlessly accepted the comfort of your crossed legs over his lap. Leaning into his arm, with your own wrapped around the muscle you feel his warmth transfer through you as your body laxes, even with his knuckles brushing lightly against the side of your thigh, it felt nice...or when he massaged it, groping it softly and caressing at the flesh subconsciously...it felt nice, too nice.
Because at some point you told him to stop, and when he looked to you confusingly. Brows furrowed with a puzzled gaze, you bring it to his attention, embarrassingly, that it made you feel some things.
And it dawns on him, suddenly...
The smirk and mischievous glare in eyes make you feel shy, wanting nothing more than to curl in a ball.
It dawns on him that he has an effect on you.
Just like you had an effect on him with taking care of him, physical touch from him felt like heaven. The littlest things he does to you sends you on a whirlwind.
And he couldn't lie, it boosted his ego.
He would sit there contemplating his next actions for the next 5 minutes.
Eyes looking anywhere but the tv. There was this cute awkward silence between you. Clearly fidgety, unsure if y'all should or shouldn't...
Peeking over you, he murmurs, "do you want me to make it feel better?"
Staring ahead, your mind doesn't register his words until a second late.
The question no doubt taking you off guard, but you look at him shyly, shrugging your shoulders with uncertainty. "I-I think so?"
Trying to hide yourself from him, you wanted to express that it wasn't a big deal and that it'll go away on its own... but the way he was looking at you right now, with his hand still rested on your thigh...the temptation was real.
Dick chuckles at your cuteness, "No need to hesitate, doll face. If you're not up to it, I won't force you into anything." He says mindlessly brushing your curls behind your ear to get a good look of your face, brushing his thumb along your jawline. You gulp noticing the proximity of your faces, the scent of his body wash overwhelming you as you eye him adoringly. "I want to."
He cocks a brow at you, "you sure?" you realized his question was out of reassurance, wanting to make sure if this was something you wanted to do.
But you nodded, glancing between his eyes and those pretty plump lips of his.
"Yes, I'm sure."
It seemed impractical for him to think that way with you, but he did.
He thought about it nonstop.
To the point he was having to excuse himself to the bathroom, fisting himself at the thought of you. All because he had an innocent little cuddle session with you. He just couldn't bear the feeling of your ass brushing up against his dick, which was pathetic I know but true.
Or when he accidentally got a glimpse of your chocolate round tits, bouncing up and down as you squeezed and jumped yourself into those tight ass jeans you hadn't worn in a while because you gained a little bit weight around your ass and thighs.
He loved every second of it, though. He loved every chunky curve and perfect imperfect flaw that made you you. He thought about it every single day and night, out on patrol when he feels touch starved, or busy with other things that weren't you.
Dick has thought about consistanly.
He's thought about this exact moment for a while now.
He's got you in his grasp, trapped in your own room giving you exactly what you've been waiting for, and you realize between shared kisses and him glorifying your body that you love every second of it.
You love how messy he is, how he doesn't give a fuck if you're loud and everybody and they mama can hear you. He was making you feel good, making you feel like bouncing on his dick for hours.
Salvia drips from his mouth to your aching center. Watching how it rolls down the crevice of your lower lips past the entrance of your hole.
It coats every inch of you beautifully before proceeding to dip his fingers past your folds. Light wet sounds heard as he circles around to your clit, rubbing up and down tenderly.
"How's that feel, baby? Feels okay?"
"Y-yes, keep...going," You exhale shakily, nails curling into the sheets, balling them into your fists you feel his fingers slip in and out of your leaking hole.
His head rested at your thigh as he peppers kisses to your flesh, attentively watching your eyes flutter shut to the euphoric feeling building from within, your moans become softer and sultrier as your cunt welcomes him deeper.
Your skin felt so satisfying in his palms, almost like Play-Doh as he continued to grope parts of you. The way it was so smooth and yet so soft beneath his calloused hands, he never felt anything like it. Your scent was so intoxicating, he could almost taste it in his mouth. Actually... he wanted to savor it in his mouth, every inch, every lick, gathering a taste of you.
"Spread those legs for me, baby," he instructs lightly, lips adventuring south of your hips near your lower region. He gently moves your knees over his shoulders to hold you securely within his grasp.
Mouth leaving kisses to your clit, he lays his long pink tongue flat against your center. Licking long stripes up your clit deliberately slow, you gasp at the sudden action. "Oh, Dick~"
One taste after the other, he moans pulling you closer, "Fuck, I'm gonna ruin you."
His tongue flicks against your bud quickly. Concentrating on your raunchy moans and the way your body responds. His warm hands move upward around your parted thighs. Palms laid flat at the underside of them, he presses for your knees to touch your chest.
"Such a good girl." He plunges two fingers into your leaking hole, prepping you a little bit more before replacing his fingers with his mouth again.
The sensation of Dick's lips engulfing, sucking, licking and slurping against your sobbing wet pussy sends a heat wave through your body. The long-wet muscle glides over your hole teasingly a few times before shoving it inside.
Your whimper-moans fill his ears as he maneuvers in and out of you. Squirming beneath his hold. Not wanting to run away from him, he holds you down against the mattress, forcing you to take it like a good girl while arching your back off the mattress. "Aww, Dick right there~" with your head pressed to the pillow.
Completely immersed to the weird sensation of him tongue fucking you. Mentally, it felt too realistic, too natural for how far his tongue could reach. Undoubtedly grazing at the sides of your gummy walls, you were sure he could touch your g spot without even trying.
Nonetheless, it left you speechless, embarrassingly aroused and yet a stuttering mess that expressed something so indescribable.
With your hand pressed to the back of his head, you welcomed him deeper. His mouth working tirelessly eating you out like a full four course meal, you attempt to swivel your hips against his salivating mouth. "D-Dick..." The whimper of his name was high pitched, undoubtedly trying to warn him that something was brewing.
"Mmph," His mouth pulls away from your pussy with a smack. A heavy exhale hits at your exposed core as he continues with pumping you with his fingers. Voluntarily shaking and wiggling his fingers at your g-spot. Your movements halted, eyes clenching and jaw dropped to the action. "Mhmm, yeahhh. There you go, that's it, just let go for me baby, I got you." It sends continuous vibrations to your clit, your walls clenching and contracting around his finger, your throat emits a deep elongated moan, painting an ivory white all over his fingers.
Dick lets you ride out your high before he pulled out to examine your essence coating all over his fingers. You laid there, breathless and mind blown for a moment, resting your legs out onto the mattress lazily.
While you hear the humming of a pleasant man at the end of your bed, you were too busy collecting your thoughts of the events that just occurred.
Noticing you were completely silent he goes to land a kiss at your stomach.
"You okay, baby?"
You nod, "mhm." Before lifting yourself up slowly on your elbows.
When you get a better look at the image before you, you nearly snicker as Dick lick small spots of cum from off your inner thigh. Smiling from ear to ear, you ask with your head cocked to the side cutely, "Do I taste that good?" Looking at him with amusement, he traces kisses up your body. Grossing onto his hands and knees, you notice the rippling effect and swell of his muscles beneath the flesh of his arms and shoulders, veins bulging through, his huge frame looms over you causing your back to touch the mattress. when he comes face to face with you, your dainty hands come from up his biceps to wrap around his shoulders. Noses nudging against one another cutely, a playful smirk is decorated on his lips when he sees a little twinkle in your eye.
"Wanna find out?" His voice was deeper than before, raspy and sexily menacing to the point your aroused cunt began to clench around nothingness. Your lips ghosting over his, hooded eyes watched closely as you proceeded to finally engulf his, he immediately deepens the kiss no longer feeling the need to prolong it.
When he rests his body between your legs your startled by the heavy bulge of his dick rubbing along your clit. Moaning between kisses he takes this opportunity to slither his tongue past your mouth, brows connecting at the slow development of pleasure growing in your body. The combination of the slow yet firm stroke of his hips grinding against your pussy and his tongue adventuring in your mouth has your moans become breathy, soft and cute with a lilac touch that has him grunting in return. "Ooh, baby" your nails dig into the skin of his shoulder blades, your legs locking around his waist, his lips move down the side of your chin to leave bites at your neck. Sounds of your heavy exhales and whimpers growing needy has his dick twitching in his sweats.
"Wanna continue, love?" his hands clench to the sheets on either side of your head, keeping himself from crushing you completely, his hips rock against you.
"Yes...please." you exhaled shakily, bucking your hips to him.
It didn't take much longer for him to have you bent outta shape.
"Ooohhh Fuuuuck!"
In the perfect position, face down, ass up, your sweet raunchy melodic moans bounced off the four white walls as you clawed at the sheets. Body jerking, mouth gaped, and brows furrowed. Your back arched into his embrace as he pounds profoundly deep into your pretty little pussy.
"Mhmm, that's it, take that shit, mama-- fuck, you look so good like this."
Quick with precision, no breaks in between leaving marks on your bronze flesh. He leaves you breathless with your hand rested at his abdomen. He grabs at your wrist pinning it to your lower back to feel your long acrylics dig into his skin.
With sweat drenched strands sticking to his forehead, mouth gaped with heavy grunts, he observes the sight of your fat ass jiggling to the slamming of his hips.
Fucking you at an angle, your whimpers become suppressed by your swollen bitten lips. “Heh, you like this shit... don't you, baby? You like it rough? You like the way my dick feels baby, hm?" You were unable to speak, jaw dropped with hesitant moans slipping out and when he doesn't hear a response, when he doesn't hear you communicate with him, he dares to go slow. "Or should I go slow? Huh? Want me to fuck you slow and hard, dollface? Cause I can do that, I can give it to you just like this--" His thrusts still so harsh and rough against your clit, pegging his dick to grind deeper.
"O-Ooh fuck n-no, keep going! keep going! Don't. stop." You whined like baby hating the change of pace.
"Yeah?" he cocked a brow at you in amusement, smirking evilly.
"Mhmmm, please, Dickie, please go faster..." you beg
He grabs at your hips roughly once more, digging his fingers into your flesh, praising you. "Good fucking girl."
He was practically fucking you to pound town, fucking you till the bed was creaking, till your sounds were silence by the agonizing warmth of excitement circulating through your nervous system.
Your curls were shielding over your clenched eyes, head tilted back from his hand collecting a fist full of your hair, your lips gaped open in euphoric pleasure. You begin to wail as he pounds into you relentlessly.
He watches your pussy lips pucker around his length, squeezing him tightly and sucking him deeper and deeper till he reached your cervix. He was so deep you could practically feel him in your stomach. Driving and grinding his hips into you meanly, his hand was placed at the small of your back molding you into an arch.
And like a cat, slowly you follow through with his silent command, planting your chest onto the mattress, your arms outstretched from you, your head turns sideways observing how he fucks you in rhythmic motion, hands transitioning to coddle at your hips.
"Harder, baby, harder..." You nearly laugh at the sudden vibrations of your skin smacking repeatedly against one another, caught in a trance to the gushy squelching sounds of your sweet, sweet essences dripping from around your thighs. "Y-yeah, that's it, just like that-- mmphm...oh my God!" Your breath is caught at your throat, eyes beginning to water.
His hands grope at your ass cheeks, using the fatty flesh for leverage, turning his fingers white. Thumbs pulled your ass cheeks apart so he could catch a glimpse each time he thrusts into you with ease, the squelching gushy gushy of your arousal feels and sounds so sticky and wet to his ears, so sloppy that its dripping onto the sheets and soaking at the base of his abdomen.
"Shit, m'bout to cum..."
Between your parted legs you feel his hand move towards your center, gasping, "fuuuck!" You grind yourself against his fingers as they move around your folds, gaining your silk and ghost over your clit, slapping against it couple of times before giving it a sweet gentle rub in quick circular motions.
"Mmm'fuuuck yesss!"
You wail, body crumbling lower, feeling suddenly weak within his grasp.
He smirks victoriously when he feels you start to clench around his length, quivering like damn leaf. "Mhm, cum on this dick, mama." You release a deep guttural moan beneath him, when your body collapses to the bed sounds of your cum gushing from out of you is heard as he ruts inside of you, following in pursuit.
"Shit, gotdamn baby!"
He stood back with huff, watching as his tip leaked all over the crack of your ass. His cum seeping from out of your entrance down the side of your shaking thigh. Taking a hold of his dick, the swell of his mushroom tip smears your shared juices all along your center, between your folds, rubbing it up and down against your clit to hear you whimper from the sensitivity.
Stepping away, he kneels down to be leveled with your ass. Peppering kisses all along the red imprinted cheek, he nibbles at your thigh next.
He feels you move, your upper body turned sideways with your knee bent while the other stayed straight. Your hand reaches for the crown of his head as his face buries into the crevice of your cheeks. Inhaling the scent of your cum, it rubs up against his nose as he started to lick at you.
"Mmph, I can never get enough of you." He states pulling your ass cheeks apart some more, his tongue dragging up from your pussy to the space of your ass.
You squeal to the feeling of his long pink tongue slithering past your quivering hole. Dark lust filled eyes watching as your swollen lips parted, keeping eye contact with him as you press his head deeper, bucking your hips back.
You welcome him back into your heat, making out with your cunt, moaning at the taste of you lingering on his buds, his hands begin to smack at your ass a few times, groping at the flesh as he starts to slurp up his salvia, devouring you some more to feel it roll down the side of his mouth and smear against your inner thigh messily.
"Aww, shit!...you just can't get enough, huh?" You whimper laugh starting to ride his face as you feel him poke at your sweet spot, "fuck, you always find the right spot...Oh, m'cumming."
And what felt like the fifth time already, you cum, you cum all along his face feeling his head shake to finish you off completely.
Pulling away to see your pussy juices shine all along his mouth and chin, smeared at his cheeks. You watched as his smirk grew, his tongue slipping out to lick around his mouth seductively before going in for a kiss. His tongue shoved down your throat while your hand moves to stroke at his dick, thumb rubbing around his swollen tip.
𝐀𝐋𝐋 𝐑𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐓𝐒 𝐑𝐄𝐒𝐄𝐑𝐕𝐄𝐃
𝐃𝐎 𝐍𝐎𝐓 𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐀𝐋 ©𝐦𝐭𝐜𝐥𝐨𝐮𝐝𝐬 𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟓
... y'all what the fuck did I just create???
#mtcloud's thoughts#black writers#mtcloudsworld#black fem reader#18+ mdni#black fanfic writer#black reader smut#black fanfiction#dick grayson x female!reader#dick grayson x black reader#dick grayson x y/n#dick grayson x you#dick grayson#dick grayson x reader#nightwing x you#nightwing x reader#nightwing imagine#nightwing x black reader#nightwing x black!fem#nightwing smut#nightwing#dc comics x black!reader#dc comics x reader#dc comics x you#dc comics smut#dc comics#black reader#black!fem!reader#black!fem#black y/n
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The morning after
¡Complete work of fiction!
Tw: cheating, this is an affair .Seriously, you've been warned!, big age gap (both legal), alcohol.
No actual smut, but still not suitable for readers under 18. Suggestive sexual, angst ,fluff , typical cillian Murphy movie drama.
Synopsis: y/n wakes up near cillian Murphy in a hotel room bed.
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I open my eyes to the harsh sunlight of late morning, the kind of morning where you don't have to go anywhere, the heavy hotel room blanket covers me like a nice hug, and yet I felt my head throbbing ,how much did I drink last night, I look up at the ceiling above me. white tiles and little light scattered across ,I rub my tired eyes when suddenly I feel a shifting near me. There was another person in my bed, I turn my head quickly.
I try to adjust my shocked heart and my eyes to focus as I stare at the man peacefully stirring beside me, soft freckles scattered across his back and face, his strong jawline and soft full lips, I know that man. Oh God, how did that happen. Right near me was my favourite actor ,as if ripped out of the pages of a magazine or stepped out of a movie screen, cillian Murphy.
Cillian soon opens his eyes as well, still feeling the residual drunkeness of last night, his long eyelashes flutter to focus on the scene around him, noticing me, he raises a perfect eyebrow "for fucks sake" he says in his thick Irish accent ,somehow his voice sounds deeper than it does on tv, I look at him shocked, when suddenly I feel the cold air on my breasts ,I let out a shaky breath as i notice i am naked under the covers . "What happened?" I ask confused, pulling the covers further in embarrassment.
He sits up immediately, his frame while not large still bigger than me,he looks back at me under the covers and sighs "the damn alcohol ,what the fuck" he shakes his head "fuck how old are you eh?" He asks, a tinge of guilt in his voice .
"26.." I bite my lips,my voice still sleepy, "I'll be 27 in may.." I try to almost sound older,to reassure him that its not as weird as my young looking face makes it seem. "That doesn't make it better " he covers his face with his hands exhausted, I notice the salt and paper of his hair,the little wrinkles around his eyes ,and my god he was more handsome in real life than on some tv screen . "Mr Murphy " i try to be polite, such a bizarre situation to be polite in but his head quickly snaps back "a bit too late for that darling" he says in slight amusement, I cover myself more with the white blanket, "i guess its too late to cover either.." I bite my lip again out of habit than anything else.
"I can't fucking remember a damn thing" he sighs trying to piece how he got in this situation , "i.." I swollow hard "i don't know...im not usually that kind of person Mr Murphy " I say again trying to steady my breathing "i don't usually-" , "don't usually what hm? Find yourself naked in an actor's bed?" He was joking of course but somehow it made me more anxious in my hangover, I shift away from him nervisouly. "I swear I am not that kind of person " I say my voice almost brought to tears, and my gaze falls on his golden ring "and you are married so...im a horrible person " i tear up ,my tears flow in to my cheeks ,making his heart clench.
"Don't.. dont do that" he titls his head ,and says softly trying to reach out his hand to me, "what have I done,I don't.. I don't usually, I swear" I start to cry ,"hey..hey don't.. I did this too, and ,fuck..you are so young and i am the old fool that drinks too much" he shakes his head in disbelief "it's not your fault" he says softly ,rubbing my shoulder .
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Only about 7 hours before I was standing in a beautiful dress,tight and black and stocking with little hearts on them, now both of those,along with my beautiful black lace panties were thrown carelessly on the floor along with cillian's tie and crisp white shirt, it was supposed to be a charity gala, the only way I got in was because I knew one of the event organisers, a champagne bottle and another with friends and I was dancing with men who's face I can't remember, and another I was pinned against the wall by a handsome Irish actor who couldn't keep his hands off me.
His large warm hands travelled up my leg and further to my ass, and I grabbed his shoulders, "Mr Murphy " I moan as he kisses my neck, sloppy warm kisses all over ,he smelled off expensive whiskey and cigarettes and perfume that costs more than my cheap dress I got from the second hand store, "stay a bit, don't go" he whispers in my ear and I melt "God it's been so long " he pins me closer to his body and I moan .
"And call me cillian " he orders as he picks me up wrapping my legs around his waist, "cillian ...i" i try to explain as he keeps griding against me, "you what? Pretty girl? You what?" He says in my ear seductively, filling my senses with the most expensive aroma,"i never thought that you would even notice me, you.." I bring a hand to his salt and paper hair "is this real?"
"How can anyone not notice you?" He kisses my ear. And another kiss and another and we are in the hotel room, and he slams the door and leads me to the bed, and my head is spinning as he removes his tie and his shoes and his versace jacket thrown to the side like it was a cheap rag, and he puts me gently on the bed and it all feels like a beau blurry dream as he pulls my dress up.
"You probably fucked so many actresses and singers with so much glamour and beauty " i pout as he climbs on top of me, "yes i did" he admits ,bringing his lips to my breasts, "and now I am fucking you" he smirks ,feeling the jelousy rising in me, i arch my back as he brings his warm lips to my stomach and then to the edge of my black lace panties , I look down at him holding my breath .
And another kiss he pulls down the beautiful black lace ,leaving my bare to him, and another he brings a kiss right to my core ,I move my legs ,giggling and moaning as I grab his hair, my head rolls back in pleasure.
And another he climbs back on me, and the warm sensation with his lips replaces with his cock, not too big ,not too small, perfect and snug inside me, sensually he moves ,slowly, lovingly, passionately and he collapses on me, his weight on me like a heavy blanket.
"I dreamt of this so much, I imagined it so many times" I admit to him, "did you now? Imagine me?" He smirks , "yes" I admit ,"well it's only fair now it's my turn to Imagine you, to touch myself to you" he says in my ear.
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I look up at cillian through misty eyes ,as his face full or guilt looks back at me, "Oh God you must hate me" I spit out ,"what? Darling why would I hate you? I ..i shouldn't have ..." he looks away. "You are my fan ,I took advantage of you" he pulls away for a moment ,"no i...it's not like I said no" i wipe my tears, I reassure him and reach out my hand to touch his back, he was definitely here and real.
"This is not what I expected to do in Ireland this summer" i say silently, hesitantly I come closer to him, putting two hands on his broad shoulders, "i can go cillian, I can go, I swear I'll never tell anyone, not a single soul " I beg him "please just dont hate me" i wrap my arms around him, Cillian didn't answer for a long time before turning back to me, his warm hands travelled to my cheeks "you don't have to go,i dont have to hate you" he says gently "stay..stay" he kisses my lips causing me to pull away.
"Are you real?" I whisper, "yes, I am" he says again, his lips crush against mine hungrily "and are you?" He smiles , "yes" I say back. "I know this is wrong and I am a bastard but, I havnt felt like this in a long time.
"Like what?" I look in to his beautiful blue eyes, deep like the ocean, "like..like i wish I wasn't famous, I wasn't complicated, I wasn't.." ,i kiss him back ,"you are perfect cillian Murphy "
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#my desserts#okay look up images of nerf gun cupcake cake and a bunch of similar cakes will show up#those were what I was supposed to do but I was like. oh my god they're all kinda. not good lmao#you can tell a game of telephone happened with those cakes bc there were these weird details and I was like??? what IS that#so I looked up pics of actual nerf guns and I was like oooooh that is the trigger & darts#the person who picked it up didn't seem that impressed tho lmao OH WELL
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Going to the mall as I am now (kinda punky/extremely autistic) is kinda funny like. That's a nice shirt. However, it's not one of my thousand beloved black graphic t shirts and it is such a texture and kind of a weird shape to it and honestly I don't really wanna buy any sort of fast fashion type shit or brand shit. Don't care. Oh they have patches. Kinda cute but straight up I can just make those. In fact, I would prefer to. Don't care. Also I'm not buying that.
#i've kind of become a very hard person to please but it's deceptive. in both directions#what i really want is materials. and incredibly specific things.#also just. something about the patches that were designs/artwork like. i feel like i'm being sold an aesthetic#when like. yeah. yeah you are quite literally LMFAOOOOOO#i wanna start a for real battle jacket.... a sturdy but lightweight enough vest for daily wear...#i have a vest but it's flimsy as fuck and not the right shape for me. so i think i'll scrap it for patches#i still gotta figure out how to make nice patch designs though. that is something i struggle w for some reason#but like. i'm not buying mall patches LMFAOOO like. idk it almost feels insulting#idk idk maybe i'm taking it too seriously LMFAO but it does feel like brazen commodification#of something that's like. you're supposed to do it yourself. kinda goes against the whole point#ideologically too. but again maybe i'm just too serious about it.#but like above all i don't want Things i want stuff to make things.#OH MY GOD I GOT IT. those fucking patches were the live laugh love of people who want the aesthetic and edge of punk#but none of the roughness. none of the shittiness. and none of the actual philosophy behind it.#gooooddddddddd i probably sound insufferable though LMFAOOO#i also just feel like a poser myself at times like. i could go deeper i think.#anyways. most important thing and whole point of the trip was manga. got some manga 👍🫡
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danny talking about how resentful she became when nobody who she self-sacrificed for cared when she died and then leaving kirsch with laura and carmilla bc "if he stays with me i might lose control again and kill him" kinda confirms my thoughts abt both newly-turnedness and anger making vampires more vampiry
but also makes me think that in more usual circumstances, when the dean turned vampires like carmilla and mattie, that shes really nice at the start to temper any of that unruly anger
#we dont have a lot of info on her usual mo i guess but im thinking a lot abt how it mustve gone with carmilla#i dont know if she was a special case or if this is usually generally how it goes#i suppose you dont necessarily need a lot of new ones do you. if youve got one vampire seductress in working condition#mattie had her role on the board#danny was just for end of the world purposes i think. opportunistic turning. to replace will perhaps#but im thinking abt how at first the dean and carmilla were kinda close. and i have no illusions abt what that meant for the dean like#im sure it was just to control carmilla. play into what she needed to ensure centuries of loyalty. and that kinda worked until elle#and looking at mattie i expect most of them will eventually start rebelling so i wouldnt be surprised if she did smth similar with mattieto#just 1000 years earlier. and at our point in the story mattie is doing strained coexistence with her right?#carmilla is well in mattie's view rocking the boat once again for a cute girl#thats so funny oh my god. iconic. take the first lesbian predator archetype character and make it so that she keeps#rebelling against the evil BECAUSE shes so gay#like literally thats her entire motivation 'of course i was just doing it for you' oh my godddd hfkjhgjhghj ICONIC#i love her so much i love her soooo much#what was i talking about. oh yeah so i think the dean in usual circumstances is very nice at first and spoils her new vampires#to foster allegiance#god carmilla must just have been so happy to have someone care about her and be nice to her i think#every thought i have abt 18 yo carmilla is so sad#but i can imagine those early years/decades of her and the dean travelling around. mattie there too maybe not all the time#but enough time. mattie there too specifically also to make carmilla feel wanted and make friendship so she wouldnt rebel#to guide her through her young vampire years probably! damn yeah i bet that was mattie who taught her all the tricks#mother isnt a vampire and i dont see her really caring. i think mattie probably taught carmilla the do's and don'ts of vampiredom#and they had fun! they had fun with it. they had cruel fun being vampires together. i think carmilla was just happy to belong#maybe mattie was happy to have a friend too idk if she had many. not many vampire friends anyway. she seems to have fun being a sister#anyway. just thinking aloud#carmillaposting
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the nero and airi connection is so important it's not just bcs theyre my faves
#sylhea talks maydare#i swear i made a post abt this somewhere but rn im remembering why them meeting and talking was may fav chapter it's so so important#like look theyre both- in a way- 'taken in' by kanon. kanon chose airi to be the saviour while kanon saved nero bcs he's essential#airi got kanon's 'hero' while nero got kanon's 'king'. one of them feared kanon while the other admires him#and yet kanon is their saviour. he took them away from a world that is cruel to them. yet airi and nero have different circumstances#oh my god wait there's more similarities than i thought#both of them were taken just after their important people had died and in a vulnerable state#airi back thwn had a childish (not meant to be /neg) mind while nero in the past was just a child#both are given a responsibility and both accepted them in different ways. while airi was in the delusion she's the 'protagonist' of maydare#nero understood what his purpose and what he's supposed to do. but also both of them wanted something they desire. they wanted 'peace'.#both of them wanted to be in a world where they can live freely. airi wanted to live the most of her delusions while nero wanted to live#the most of his life as a normal student. different but to its core they only wanted peace and be themselves freely.#and in the end both of them understood that they have to act their role in order to achieve that peace in this worl. they know they had to#face forward and fight.#IT'S THIS LONG AND IM NOT EVEN GETTING INTO WHAT MADE ME START THIS 😭 atp their parallels is the main focus here#so all of those and there's more. makia. their connection to makia.#nero is a friend of makia while airi is a friend of kazuha. and the people who knew about makia's past.#i'm guessing nero only knew makia's past life as the scarlet witch and dont know about her other past life#while airi only knew about makia's past as kazuha and didn't know about her being a reincarnation of scarlet witch#nero talking to airi about makia was also very important bcs yes makia already slapped airi into reality and makia was able to do it#bcs not only is she born and raised in maydare she also have memories of the other world. nero who is PURELY from this world and donxt know#about the other world helped airi accept that this IS an actual world. makia ACTUALLY lived in this world and she learned that from nero.#lmao i know that wasnt the intention bcs the intention was nero saying all that so there's proof makia really is the reincarnation of makia#but i'm already this far bro nero who's purely from maydare that came to know of the other world from someone else#and airi who is purely from the other world and isekai'd by someone else to maydare#it's so fascinating#god when this chapter comes to manga im hoping ppl dont immediately ship them#bcs to be honest i dont think airi is interested in men at all and nero is interested in romance in general#plus nero is 16 y/o while airi is 20 y/o so there's that LMAO#it's so insane to me how much damage airi actually had her experiences was actually REALLY traumatic
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GOD. Epilogue of "A Dream a Kirin Dreamed" pisses me off. This is not to say it's bad by any stretch. It just pisses me off because WHY DIDN'T KIRYU BOTHER TO TELL DAIGO ANYTHING. Why did he just say "He didn't betray you" without backing up his point at all and then fuck off entirely without checking back in.
The man just woke up and he's awake for a week before he's discharged from the hospital??? Maybe catch him up to speed on something that's clearly weighing on him??? Or on anything else that's happened in the time he was unconscious ??? Hello???????
Like. Dude. Is it not enough that you're just dead weight for the entire fucking ending. Knowing this is your son's best friend. And no way he doesn't know because even aside from Mine's monologue which (obviously) focused on his perspective, Kiryu says himself when he encounters a journalist who can't find any friends or family to interview about Mine that Daigo would know him best.
KNOWING this is your son's best friend. You LET him kill himself in front of you both because for you, sitting on your ass and going "Mine!" was good enough. You didn't think to reason with him. You didn't think to grab onto his leg or something when he was three feet away. You weren't injured. You weren't THAT exhausted. You just didn't think to do it. Even though A SUBSTORY IN Y3 ENDS THE WAY THE MAIN STORY SHOULD HAVE AND IT'S ONE OF THE LAST THINGS YOU CAN DO BEFORE HEADING TO THE HOSPITAL.
Y3 ending is literally my Y7 ending in terms of how much anger rises up within me whenever I think about it because it just Somehow, To This Day, piles more and more on top that makes it worse than it already was. Like its ONLY saving grace is that Mine didn't actually die. Allegedly. At least you can argue Ichiban and Aoki didn't have time to react, but Kiryu had all the time in the world and did nothing.
Ok I need to stop I need to stop I know I should be mad at Yokoyama and Takeuchi and not Kiryu and I literally had to run this post through an all-caps -> sentence caps converter But Anyway Point Is If Ichi Had Been The Protagonist Of Y3 Mine Would Be Alive
i cant even really blame something like kiryu's emotional ineptitude to explain why he couldnt just be open about What Mine's Business Was because the guy can CLEARLY speak from the heart and say good and honest things. like he knows how to communicate For The Most Part so its truly just. The Fuck Happened Here you dont think it wouldve been a good idea to get daigo up to speed on the past week or 👁️👁️ just saying Mine Didn't Betray You is like. a FAIR start i GUESS but ELABORATE a bit ??
not at all a 'rare' L moment just a typical kiryu L honestly (;´д`)
#long post#snap chats#mizuki goated fr fr. highkey those two's substories are my fave theyre so fuckin bizarre.....#BUT REAL LIKE KIRYU. ILY I DO IM SORRY but i KNOW your ass can get up#mine DID just beat your ass but youre not THAT banged up and its not like you have any reason to relax after knowin richardsons alive#like there was PLENTY of time to react this some yakuza 'let him finish speaking its honorable' bullshit i PROMISE (;´༎ຶД༎ຶ`)(;´༎ຶД༎ຶ`)#dont look down here im ranting about y7 related stuff#OK BUT NO THIS JUST REMINDED ME OF ONE OF THE MOST INFURIATING TAKES I READ ONCE#AND IT WAS BASICALLY PEOPLE BLAMING ICHI FOR AOKI DYING LIKE EXCUSE ME#how on gods green earth was ichi supposed to react in time- when its KUME of all people#what the fuck was he supposed to assume was going to happen its KUME he's a wet rag of a bitch boy#especially when all he did was praise aoki like how the fuck was he supposed to think he would stab him oh my godddd#like its not just kume showing up either ichi and aoki JUST had an intense emotional moment and they finally got a chance to breathe#like they thought they were good and in the clear and they were in a steadily-getting-better mood why would they be on guard (;´༎ຶД༎ຶ`)#FORGIVE ME thats been bothering me for months. i needed it off my chest#anyway im going for a walk. we got ice cream today and idk why i eat ice cream when it always makes me sad/lethargic#so heres to hoping a lil nature walk and heavy metal improves my mood a bit
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this is fully just a matter of personal taste but what’s with all these fantasy games with “realistic” graphics exclusively giving you shit ugly hairstyle options in character customization
#what’s up with that.#I didn’t care much when it was just dark souls because those games are supposed to be like. gross and yucky#so if the hair is ugly that makes sense and it’s also funny to put a silly weird medieval style on your character#but then cyberpunk obviously tried to make the hairstyles cool and they were all ugly#baldur’s gate 3 has like 6 Hot People face presets depending on if you pick an elf or human or dwarf or whatever#and yet all the hairstyles are super ugly#like???????? oh my god I’m terrible at hair it’s one of my weakest areas when it comes to art but I WILL DO A BETTER JOB#what serves to baffle me about it more is that modders make other hairstyle options that are infinitely better#and more interesting than the base game#so like????????????????? what is the issue#skyrim also has ugly hairstyles but at least that game is like 10 years old. and 8 years old. and 6. and 4. and 2. and
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smth that's crazy to me is like ppl who can't be happy for other ppl's happiness ... idk how to word this but.. you know those ppl who constantly have to like . be miserable when someone else is happy?? but when they're happy it's like if even one person doesn't gel with it, it's the end of the world??? i really don't get those ppl and i cant stand you either 👎
#thinking abt how much haleigh and i hype each other up#like sure i wanna get those pcs too but?????? at the end of the day that's my BFFIEEEEEE like ???? 😕 why wouldn't i fucking hype her tf up!!#and the fact that el oh el . i had a friend who did the above mentioned#would go as far to be like 'i mean i would never spend that much on a pc but good for you i guess'#like who cares how much i spent if i'm having fun and not breaking the bank to do it lol??? 😭 tf are you soooo bitter for...#pissing me off so fucking bad god#and i was like so happy talking with both my closest friends on ig today and both of them were so excited for me and i felt so good#their excitement made me EVEN more happy ??? like 😕 that's what friendship is supposed to be right#like a supportive relationship you cheer the other person on 🫠🫠🫠#idk fuck man i'm seeing so many shitty parts of this persons personality in hindsight lol#li.txt#dl
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socializing is so hard I'm like "yeah i finally got my depression done with forever (for real this time" and then I am in an environment with people and it's like "fuck how do I act i don't have the knowledge of the things should I be listening should I be looking I mean how do like verbal conversations work like they're clearly not oriented towards a goal in the same way emails are but they also just like don't have the same sort of "just kinda say things" that the internet has ok that's not fair I have held conversations, even if the initiation differs which is a big part of it but there is something different obviously like the expectation of latency & just basic woah you can't see them bit but also like it feels less direct. Oh and then now you have to deal with timing like 100x as often idk i think at the third time it's just time to give up. Though ok I mean I'm not incapable of verbal speech I can give answers in english class also why is my head burning and i mean i don't think my hands should be there do people care about that also i can't fathom the depravity of how i look"
#i mean like depression overriding symptoms of anxiety doesn't seem an unreasonable hypothesis#though it would imply something weird but it was a while ago#tbh it is kind of fun to mostly check out (i am still listening) and then pop in whenever weird things are being said#though like I'm pretty sure I'm an outsider somewhat?? idk#it's one of those things where nobody's going to give me a straight answer if i somehow had the courage to ask#I mean ok in theory this is one of those situations in which you're supposed to ask somebody with more expertise#but alas that person is not a teacher and even though I can convince myself on the “it takes them a lot less time to answer”#they are not paid to do it so it's not relaly enough#and i wouldn't know who to ask ghhghgghgggg#there's also one person who looks at me like. more than normal and i don't know why it feels weird they seem like they have something to sa#but presuambly if it was positive they'd have said it idkdkdk#imagine if they put me in a real social situation#one-on-one i've talked to like. one person.#also god like i don't know i'm ok i'm still stuck up on the diagnosis thing especially because sigh i do view it as membership of a group#potentially more than anything else#even though like everything idk i feel like more good will would be afforded on me if i were autistic#not that i'm like lacking in good will or uh. whatever.#the thing is i don't really believe believe that “you know :) means happy” is thing that autistic people can't do#like yes difficulty with recognizing emotions is an issue but it is just like a factoid.#granted this is what my perception of pitch was before i got corrected and told i had perfect pitch so my track record isn't great#but also that's more of a thing?#I mean like ok i do recognize that a smile is inducing happiness outside of the knowledge of its connotation#though the lack of distinction in the original question doesn't give me faith that it's important though it's i've heard a stupid test#I mean ghhhhhhhhhh it at least feels like if i were to be allistic and then spent time in autistic spaces it'd be boring#like i shouldn't be framing autism as like a superpower which i don't think it is though maybe they don't mean literal autism though that'd#be weird. Also like I mean there is a tendency to just be like “having a lot of thoughts is autism”#or the like I mean i'm probably oversimplifying and it's the questioning of structure ad such but like#idk i feel kind of stuck in the middle. what was this post about#oh yeah ok i mean like idk uhhh it should like uh. eeee give me an in although i'm not sure how because either it is a way of recontextuali#prior experinces in a way that's better or it changes nothing except the label which
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Me right now: "The Smitten is just like me for real."
Like???? I hope not??????
#lile god i hope he isn't??? i hope I'm not like that???#...ok i do be like that to a degree i can't lie#like haha i understand your intense need to die a great death for someone you love and your preoccupation with the chase but not the result#and your immense disregard for yourself as a person which leads you to or perhaps is the consequence of transforming into a tool#a role and an object but it's never enough is it and you'll never be enough will you? and the clock on the wall it keeps on ticking#and you repeat 'this is how it's supposed to be'. and if you look inside yourself you will see that there is no yourself to look in.#if you look inside yourself you will find a shadow in the body of someone else#like ah boy just like me you subscribe to the Folk story but there is no curtain to roll when the dragon is slain#you get the girl and what then? if you don't die then what then? maybe if you destroy yourself enough you will achieve something#maybe if you tear your chest open the curtains will fall. otherwise the only thing left is 'what am i supposed to do?'#the one thing that I pray we don't have in common is his tendency to make caricatures of people in his head#like uuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhh i hope i don't do that.#which reminds me kinda funny how people were giving him way more slack when just Dam//sel existed. like i disliked him more back then#because The Da//msel is VISCERALLY horrifying to me. cannot stress how physically nauseous the chapter makes me#which might sound ironic considering I'm the biggest pioneer of 'boooo if anyone ever gets to know the real me I'm packing my bags#and leaving. nobody is allowed to interpret me the correct way. if you know me you don't. i hope you misunderstand every word i say.'#but i see a very thick line between not understanding me and between making up an idealised smooth harmless caricature of me#that you attempt to shove me into. like. the song The Projectionist by Aurelio Voltaire is what I'm referring to#and that's horrifying to me. like ah no not again please. a few times in my life was enough.#I'd say that simply 'not understanding' is Spec//tre and TPA//TD. And those routes are depressing#but not horrifying. they're like 'haha oh god that's me. don't mind my tears.' but Dam//sel is like...genuine horror. to me.#and HA//E actually made my opinion of Smi//tten better because like no no I get him. I also get H//AE Prin//cess. like haha that's me. ow.#Like haha girl the way you are incapable of saying the words 'i want' and cannot bear to say what you feel or think because you aren't#supposed to; it isn't what you should do; you should cave in and make others happy; don't you WANT to make others happy and who#gave you the right to even want something anyway; well it reminds me of the mirror in my house
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