#those other 5 are all Successful in adventuring already and kicking ass | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

bunchofstraydogs · 3 years ago

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You asked for it :> So may I request the rest of BSD playing Genshin? 😘🥰

Darling, since I can't write that many characters in one go, I thought I should give you something special. I present... 💫 women 💫

Women of BSD as Genshin Impact players

tw: you're in bsd fandom, you know all the tw there are by now

Kyouka Izumi- Assasin in the streets, babysitter in the... Genshin Impact

Kyouka is that cute, stubborn kid that overfixates on things. Atsushi is things. Look, we all know Kyo-chan is mad intelligent and talented and it shows in her game play. Right off the bat she got the sense of the gameplay of every type of character and decided what works best for her. She knows what type of team she's going for and knows how to manage her materials wisely.

When she plays alone, Kyouka works towards bettering her characters and pushing through the storyline. Her favourite way to play the game is with Atsushi, whether alone or in co-op with others. Playing with Jinko is a huge win-win situation for her - she helps him beat up whatever he needs to take down and complete puzzles, he gives her praises and gratitude. And materials, but seldom does she take them.

Her main job, though, is to protect Atsushi and his world from the otherworldly evil known as the suicidal maniac, Dazai Osamu. She's fairly successful.

Main Team: MC, Klee, Keqing, Rosaria

Sub Team: MC, Qiqi, Fischl, Hu Tao

Mains MC, both for her flexibility with elements and because she likes being the little sister to Atsushi's male MC.

Yosano Akiko- retired nurse, now a terrorist

Did you really think she'd stay a healer without having the sadistic satisfaction of hurting people in grotesque ways? Nay. She doesn't have a single healer on team. She either has a teammate who's a healer like Haruno, or she wastes abundance of food until she can teleport to a statue of the seven.

Her game play is on crack, basically. She has several energy spurs, sometimes several times a day, where she rages through the game, before losing interest and going shopping. It's very possible with her that days can pass before she feels like playing again. Then she binges the game for hours and repeat.

When i say she acts like on crack i mean it. She has rage in her veins instead of blood. She tanks her characters and goes out looking for fights with worst possible opponents. Hell, she'll under equip her party just to see how many mofos can she take down in weak state. Spoilers, a fair few. She does die quite a bit, and is almost always out of food, but she's just as stubborn as she's crazy. Those two thing correlate probably. Which is why she made Azdaha her bitch. Her party consists either of strong, hot milfs women like herself, or twinks. You won't see someone like Childe disrespecting her vibe.

Main Team: Beido, Venti, Hu Tao, Rozaria

Sub Team: Lisa, Yanfei, Ningguang, Xingqiu

Beido and Lisa main. Bad bitches only.

Naomi Tanizaki- the fangirl player

She basically collects the cutest characters possible.. That's how she chooses her characters, based on cuteness. She went for the hot ones first to pull her brother but she got jealous and changed her tactic. You know she's spending her money on character skins and certain banners. She's insanely lucky tho?? She got Qiqi on the standard banner as her first 5*, pulled Klee on her banner in little over four 10 pulles and got Diona eventually anyway. Baraba and Xiangling were free and she mained Xiangling untill Klee rolled in. She spent some money on Venti and was already in pity when Ganyu came around. She's fully ready to whale for Kokomi though.

Now i know i said she's incredibly lucky, right? Yeahh that luck has to turn against something to keep the balance and well... she's still crying over Chongyun.

She usually co-ops with her brother, it's a daily ritual. Loves co oping with everyone though, mostly Haruno, Atsushi and Kyouka. She made online friends as well. Actually, there is one person she co ops with almost as much as she does with her brother. IchiGawa is her Genshin bestie and they talk about their crushes and infatuations besides the game itself. Her friend is the only secret she keeps from her brother.

Main Team: Klee, Diona, Venti, Barbara

Sub Team: Razor, Xiangling, Xingqiu, Qiqi

A Klee main.

Haruno Kirako- the healer

Literal angel. You need her, i need her, ADA needs her, the president needs her, just... yes. Her whole team consists of support- healers and crowd control characters. She was a f2p at first, but realised she earns her own money and can spend it however she wishes and she chose the monthly cards.

She's a necessity, point blank. She can get intimidated by new foe at first, but when backed up by her friends, she becomes determined and flexible. Pays good attention to her teammates, most importantly, their health bars, and acts accordingly.

The only reason most of them made it as far as they have, being as reckless as they are.

Main Team: Albedo, Barbara, Jean, Venti

Sub Team: Qiqi, Noel, Jean, Xinyan

Mains Albedo and Barbara

Fan fact: She's very fascinated infatuated with Albedo!! He's even her home screen and has posters and key chain of him.

Gin Akutagawa- that cottagecore assassin

You may be wondering what that could even mean. Let me tell you, she brought Animal Crossing to Genshin Impact. Sure she takes care of her characters and they're pretty powerful, but she kicks ass in real life as well. The game is her little getaway, especially since Serenity pot has been introduced. She's been making away her home for her and her brother characters. You can see her chop wood, collect materials, taking pictures with her friends and her brother, sometimes of pretty scenery and cute moments. A very wholesome player.

She's the type to help her friends explore their world and help them find oculi, open chests, shrines, collect flowers, mine... She's very patient, but if she sees her co-op teammates struggle with something, she'll jump in to help do it herself untill told to back off. In which case she will listen and silently give her support, usually with the cheering stickers in the chat.

She's f2p! Sure, she could get the monthly card at least, as Ryunosuke told her, but she really wants to enjoy the game on her own terms and have what she does through her own effort and hard work. It just feels satisfying to her and more personal.

Main Team: Jean, Ayaka, Diluc, Barbara

Sub Team: Doesn't have one! She just changes characters if certain elements are needed.

Jean main!! She admirers the relationship her and Barbara have. While she's the younger of the two, she's taken the mantle of the older sibling, in a way, and is looking after her reckless as heck brother and cares for him like Jean does for Barbara. Jean is also a wonderful person in her eyes and Gin harbours great respect for the blonde.

Higuchi Ichiyo- IchiGawa 🤡

I love Higuchi so much, but my girl is a mess and a half. Help her, please. No, really, she needs help. She's been over compensating for not being dramatic and eye catching in the battlefield, and has now found a new way to prove herself to her Akutagawa-san. Problem is, as soon as she sees a potentially powerful character, she has to get them and boost them to the havens... yeahh, good thing you can't do loans in the game, otherwise she'd have sharks on her ass for having a bill as dramatic and eye catching as Tsunade's from Naruto. Our girl out there turning heads for wrong reasons. She's definitely spent her pay checks on the game "oh no no, i just buy the monthly subscription, ehe" ehe my ass, you bankrupt bitch. Baal is coming and she's looking to sell a kidney. No, it's not her own and no, it doesn't have anything to do with the game. It's a mission, for God's sake.

But hey, the game is a good investment for her! She even made a friend, one that totally understands her how she feels!! They're very alike as well, ready to do anything for the person they love. The two talk about love a lot and have bonded over it. Higuchi is actually a jealous and a protective type of person, so she hides her friend from Gin and Tachihara like snake hides it's legs. If only they knew 🤡. But it's better this way as they both have a certain sense of normalcy and familiarity they were missing in their daily lives. (Higuchi and Naomi meeting scenario when?)

Main Team: Xiao, Fischl, Xingqiu, Diluc

Sub Team: Baal (soon?), Venti, Ganyu, Zhongli

She mains Xiao because he reminds her of Akutagawa-san and yes, she uses characters from her sub team when playing with others.

Fan Fact: when she was asked why her username is IchiGawa, she said she's like a river 🤡 No, it does absolutely not stand for Ichiyo Akutagawa.

Ozaki Kouyo- the husbando and loli collector

Don't get the wrong idea when i said loli collector. She just needs to adopt them and look after them. She also enjoys watching her precious babies kick ass like her Kyouka. But that's a two way sword, because she gets angry when they die. Savage.

And yeahh, the real reason she's playing the game... Mr Zhongli. She switches often between eng and jpn audios because she can't decide which sounds sexier. Also, Mr Diluc? Yes, she would like to be served one sex on the beach please and thank you! Ah, Mr Kaeya, a perfect window of opportunity, yes.

She has a huge spot for the teenager group as well. Razor, Bennett, Fishl, Xiangling, Xingqiu and Chongyun are also her kids. She just finds them very precious (don't we all?).

Main Team: Zhongli, Kaeya, Bennett, Diluc

Sub Team: Diona, Klee, Qiqi, Sayu

A Zhongli and Diluc main.

Bonus:

Elise- the evil lackadaisical player

Mori found out about the game from Higuchi and Tachihara and introduced it to Elise, telling her she should make a team of sweet little girls like herself and have fun going on adventures around Teyvat. In response, Elise made a team that, not only does it not have a single child in it, but is using it to gaslight and bully Rintarou.

"Why aren't you smart and inventive like Albedo?"

"Why aren't you as passionate and persistent as Sucrose?"

"Look how capable, loved and admired Ningguang is. You could never."

"I wish i had someone as strong, caring, handsome and rich like Childe looking after me. He would treat me like a real princess. "

Mori has been crying rivers ever since.

Thing is, Elise isn't even that interest in the story. Actually, she couldn't care less. Some characters are interesting to her and she likes the graphics, but other than that, she's mostly playing the game to torture the greasy doctor (as she should).

Main Team: Albedo, Sucrose, Ningguang, Childe

Sub Team: doesn't have one

Doesn't have a main either, she plays whoever she feels like playing.

I wanted to add Lucy too, but my mind wasn't cooperating ;-; Sorry about that. I do hope you liked this, Eli 💛

#bsd #bungou stray dogs #bungo stray dogs #kyoka izumi #haruno kirako #higuchi ichiyo #ozaki kouyou #bsd elise #tanizaki naomi

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cynthiaandsamus · 4 years ago

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Game Blondes: Tekking101 One Piece Isekai Adventure!

“Hey I’m Blonde!”

“...I’m also Blonde.”

“AND WE’RE THE GAME BLONDES!!”

Game Blondes Logo by @game-overture

One Piece Isekai Setup created by Tekking101 and found here:

https://youtu.be/zHInvsopBtQ

“Wait this isn’t a video game.” Samus pouts.

“The show’s called “GAME Blondes” not Video Game Blondes, that means any game is fair… game!” Cynthia cackles. “And today we’re doing the One Piece Isekai Adventure Game created by Tekking101!”

“I don’t know who that is.”

“That’s fine!” The Champion nods. “We’re going to roll some dice to determine how and where we get sent into the One Piece world and what goal we have to achieve in order to come back to our own world. They’ve made some reference tables to show everything about our situation and we’re gonna make little stories based on them!”

“Okay, sounds simple enough.” Samus flicks one of the dice around. “So what’s first?”

“First the Isekai Fairy comes to take you away! As per the rules the Isekai Fairy is extremely attractive for some reason and is your ideal type of attractive person. For me they look like Dawn.”

“Okay that’s strange, I guess my fairy looks like Tifa.” Samus shrugged.

“Fair enough! Now the fairy lets you get hooked up with your starting gear!”

“You get to take what you’re wearing, plus two sets of clothing and one free set of winter clothing in case you end up somewhere cold, though they have to be extremely unfashionable.”

“That seems unnecessary but given I’m weak to the cold I’d better take it.”

“You get a backpack to carry this stuff in and also arrive in perfect health, get 1 million starting beli ($9,500) and one object of your choosing.” Cynthia read down the list. “So you gotta choose something to take with you, it’s one thing and most kinds of electronics and stuff won’t work. Though pets are allowed.”

“Guess I’ll take my arm cannon since I don’t think my whole suit would fly here, and the basic laser of the arm cannon works off my own energy instead of external missiles or power sources.”

“And I’m taking Garchomp, if pets count that must mean pokemon do too!”

“But if Garchomp is one object doesn’t that mean you can’t take its pokeball?”

“… fuck, so I gotta walk around the One Piece world with a giant sand shark following me everywhere… well they’ve seen worse so I guess it’s fine, it’ll work for the intimidation factor at least and keep people off my back.”

-Cynthia’s Inventoy-

1 Million Beli, Large Backpack, Champion Coat Outfit, Summer Blouse Outfit, Hideous Plaid Winter Clothes, Garchomp

-Samus’s Inventory-

1 Million Beli, Large Backpack, Zero Suit, Workout Clothes, Neon Pink Winter Clothes, Arm Cannon

“Okay so we’re ready to go, got our starting gear, we’ll get a bonus item once we arrive but first we have to decide where we arrive at.”

“Fuck, the One Piece world’s huge, how do we do that?” Samus blinked and tilted her head.

“More reference tables! We roll a die to determine the region we end up in and then another to determine the exact island, let’s check out those tables.”

Cynthia’s Result: 2

Samus’s Result: 6

“So I’m in the South Blue, the buttfuck nowhere of the One Piece world, and you’re in the New World, the hellish crime-littered frontier of the current storyline. We arrive at the same day the One Piece story starts so none of the events have happened yet but we do retain our knowledge of their events. Now to find the islands we’re going to!”

Cynthia’s Result: 5

“I’m in the Black Drum Kingdom, a snowy desolate area that Wapol will eventually come to rule after Luffy kicks him out of the Non-Black Drum Kingdom. For now I guess it’s up for sale though since he only becomes King of it by getting lots of money so I might have a shot at ruling it before he does.”

Samus’s Result: 11

“You land on Applenine Island, a land neighboring the country of Dressrosa ruled tyrannically by Donquixote Doflamingo. I don’t know much about it except the terrain and houses look like Apples but it’s probably a short hop over to Dressorosa if you feel like going over there and making some connections.”

“You said something about a bonus item once we arrived?”

“Yes! For this one we roll a D100 and get an extra potentially useful, potentially useless item to add to our inventory. Let’s see what we get!”

Cynthia’s Result: 38

“A fishing rod with line, tackle box and bait. Well I’m pretty good at fishing up Magikarp so that might come in handy, though I don’t know how good the fishing is on the Black Drum Kingdom, maybe ice-fishing or something…”

Samus’s Result: 42

“A bag with EXACTLY 37 green apples.”

“WHAT THE FUCK IS WITH THE APPLES!?” Samus pounded her hand on the table. “I get warped to appleburg with a bag of fucking apples!! Is this rigged!?”

“It’s all random I swear, the apples of chance just seem to favor you.”

“Ugh, I don’t know how I’ll put that to use… what’s next?”

“Well before we get our objective and figure out or paths in this world, we have to look at… the risk table!”

“You don’t have to roll it if you don’t want but you have a 50/50 shot of getting a fair boost or a horrendous hindrance to your goal.”

“Ehh fine why not, there’s no apple-related choices so what’s the worst that could happen.”

Samus’s Result: 7

“A Yonkou wants you dead.”

“FUCK.”

Cynthia’s Result: 2

“And I get to bring a family member or friend! Considering most of my family are either young or elderly and I’ve already counted pokemon as pets for the sake of this game, I’ll bring a friend! You’re already having your own adventure so I guess I’ll pick Zebes, never know when a Tentacle Metroid might come in handy around here.”

“Which Yonkou wants me dead? Like if it’s Shanks I may be able to get away from that but if it’s Kaidou like Doflamingo works for him and he’s right fucking next door.”

“Let’s roll another dice to see! There’s no reference table for this one but considering it’s pre-timeskip we’ll go with 1 is Whitebeard, 2 is Kaido, 3 is Big Mom and 4 is Shanks.”

Samus’s Result: 4

“And it’s Shanks.”

“…okay, still not great but Shanks has a small crew and doesn’t seem to personally go out hunting a lot so I might be alright.” Samus breathed a small sigh of relief.

“And now last but not least the Objective Table! This will be your goal to achieve so you can get sent back to your own world and consider the challenge successful.”

Cynthia’s Result: 7

“I have to meet a Straw Hat, specifically meet a Straw Hat while they’re on the crew. That’s not going to be easy, I know where they’ll be but they never come to the South Blue so I’ll have to go out and find them/intercept them somewhere along their journey, meaning I’ll have to go out and find my way into the grand line, this might be tricky…”

Samus’s Result: 2

“I have to Walk on a Sky Island? I mean I guess there’s a lot harder goals out there but I don’t know where the nearest place to find one would be.”

“Okay, the stakes are set, let’s make our Isekai Stories!!”

Cynthia arrives in the South Blue in the Black Drum Kingdom, with a bit of money to her name, some clothes, a Garchomp and a tentacle blob. Needless to say the townspeople are all terrified of the woman that wears hideous plaid snowgear and controls strange creatures to do her bidding but with her trusty fishing rod and the hunting of her two partners she’s able to gather some supplies, some semi-frozen fish and a few other trinkets and uses some of her money (as well as some she earns by selling some of the fresh caught fish, doing tricks with Zebes and Garchomp as a street show and various odd jobs the team of three can do for the townspeople that aren’t scared stiff of her) to book passage on a sailing ship, the goal in her mind of meeting one of the straw hat crew.

By the time she makes it to the last island in the South before the Grand Line, working up the money and supplies as well as travel has taken her over a month and murmurs of Luffy’s first bounty arise. The exact timeline is sketchy but he seems to have already beaten Arlong and is heading for the Grand Line. Judging by the timeline and how difficult it seems to buy passage on a ship heading towards the Grand Line, she’s a little bit behind Luffy and will have to find a place to make up some time.

Luckily thanks to her One Piece knowledge she knows the Straw Hats do make a few detours coming into the Grand Line, and where they’ll be spending a lot of time: Alabasta. Using the remainder of her money and some intimidation thanks to her dragon friend, she is able to buy her way onto a ship running supplies into the desert country. They have an eternal pose pointing to Alabasta and as long as the trio catch lots of fish for the crew to eat, they’re welcome to stay on until they meet their destination.

Making a straight shot from the South Blue up Reverse Mountain and to Alabasta takes a good while but Cynthia, Garchomp and Zebes arrive in the desert country where the two creatures feel right at home and Cynthia has just enough money left over from fishing that she can buy herself a desert dancer girl outfit and a horse to make it to Rainbase, the luxurious casino town where Warlord Sir Crocodile is stationed and where the Straw Hats will arrive eventually.

Cynthia stakes out the casino day and night, getting a small part time job as a waitress there to keep an eye on things until the Straw Hats inevitably arrive, assured that none of her prior actions have changed the One Piece timeline and altered the Straw Hat pirates’ path. Eventually she hears the uproar of Luffy making a scene, screaming that he will kick Crocodile’s ass. She heads over to the commotion to jump in, and just misses Luffy running past, though she collides with an equally scantily-clad dancer girl: Nami.

“Hey, I’m Cynthia.” She gives a sly wink as her face is buried in the desert-clad navigator’s chest.

And thus her mission is complete in more ways than one.

“So you buy your way into a slutty waitress job and dive into Nami’s cleavage to win?”

“I mean luckily we don’t have very combat-oriented goals here so it’s probably mostly buying our way from place to place.

“Well I guess I’ll have to see what I can come up with…”

Samus enters the New World on Applenine Island, carrying a back of apples and her arm cannon while wearing her zero suit. Far from able to just do things on her own or in a group like Cynthia, Samus has also somehow incurred the wrath of Red-Haired Shanks, one of the Yonkou that rules the New World. Acting quickly, Samus uses some of her starting money to book passage to Dressrosa, led by Warlord Donquixote Doflamingo. She allows herself to be captured by them while sneaking into the castle of the Young Lord Doflamingo, claiming that Shanks wants her dead and the best place to protect herself is under the wing of another Yonkou, Doflamingo’s Master: Kaido of the Hundred Beasts.

Intrigued by her strange weapon and the idea that the mild-mannered Shanks wants this random woman dead, Doflamingo keeps her around but fails to see why he should bring her to Kaido. Thinking of a scheme, Samus tells him a quick lie: the reason why Shanks wants her dead is because she knows the location of the Ancient Weapon Pluton, it’s location? A sky Island.

Little is known about the Sky Islands by the surface dwellers but Doflamingo is in the know enough to at least confirm their existence and the legitimacy of the usually mild-mannered Shanks wanting her head combined with a few other predications she makes about the rise of Straw Hat Luffy and certain other world events lay credence to her claims, Doflamingo starts to believe there may really be an Ancient Weapon hidden among the clouds where no one else can see.

Having already been in talks with Kaido thanks to the Smile Devil Fruit trade, Doflamingo sweetens the deal by offering Kaido the woman that knows more than she lets on, the enemy of Shanks and supposedly the keeper of an Ancient Weapon. More than happy with this and her seeming ability to predict the future as more months pass, Samus is taken to Onigashima on Wano to forcefully become a member of Kaido’s crew. He doesn’t seem ready to embark to the Sky Island just yet but he finds the insight and story she tells to be rather interesting, until one thing seals the deal: Shanks arrives at Onigashima’s gate to demand to kill Samus.

Fascinated by the fact that Shanks would show up in person and risk clashing with another Yonkou just to kill this woman, Kaido decides that her story must be true. Having already thrown himself off a Sky Island or two for kicks, Kaido decides to take her to the nearest one: the Balloon Terminal not far from Wano in the New World. The Beast Pirates decide not to fight Shanks right away, opting to make a break for it and destroy Shanks’s fleet with ease once they have Pluton as not to rack of casualties. Kaido personally leads Samus to the Balloon Terminal under the promise that she’ll be able to pinpoint Pluton’s location once she arrives In the sky.

Shanks gives chase, sinking may of Kaido’s ship in his oddly single-minded approach to killing Samus. Eventually he makes his way to Kaido’s flagship and a clash between the giant dragon god of Wano and the Red-Haired powerhouse begins. The sky splits above them and both incur injuries, Kaido taking heavy damage and eventually retreating, using his Dragon Devil Fruit to fly Samus high into the air, up to the clouds and screaming that he’ll come back down for Shanks once he has Pluton.

“Who said anything about Pluton?” Shanks asks, but too late to reach Kaido’s ears.

Kaido lands on the Sky Island of the Balloon Terminal and lets Samus off his back, transforming back into a human and demanding that the bounty hunter tell him where Pluton is NOW so he can go back and crush Shanks.

However as soon as her feet touch the cloud-like ground of the Sky Island Samus’s goal is complete and a wry smirk crosses her lips. “Goodbye, and by the way, I hate Dragons. Have an Apple” She says, tossing an apple to him as she disappears back to her own world, the great dragon emperor realizing all too late that he’s been duped and is at war with a fellow emperor, wounded and stuck on a floating cloud feeling much like the lost balloons stuck under it.

“Well that was fun, got to con a Yonkou and ride a giant dragon demon thing.” Samus smirked, fiddling with the dice. “That was a lot more enjoyable than I thought it’d be.”

“See? Told you it’d be fun! Well now that we’ve got everything sorted out and our One Piece Isekai Adventures are complete, guess we’ll see you…”

“Next time on Game Blondes!!!”

#Game Blondes #Tekking101 #One Piece #Isekai #Game #fanfiction #Game Grumps #Let's Play

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coyotesongwriting · 4 years ago

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Home - Ch. 1

Chapter 1 - Mistakes

Story Summary: When a mission goes horribly wrong and Bucky dies in front of your eyes, how are you supposed to just pick up the pieces and move on? One step at a time. 9 years later, you’ve moved on with your life and everything seems to be going just fine, until one of the Avengers shows up in the small town you fled to years ago. Will everything come crashing down around you?

Word Count: 2712

Author’s Note: I’m playing a new - to me - style of writing so this is all being written past tense, let me know what you think!

Disclaimer: I don’t own the characters so don’t sue me please. I just really like them haha

Series Masterlist

The quinjet flew over the cold forest in Northern Russia as the team prepared to disembark. Fury had received intel that Hydra was still working out of a small concrete bunker in the middle of the remote forest, and after a few weeks of recon, you’d confirmed the reports. Now, it was time to do what you did best, kick ass.

Steve was running over the plan with everyone for the third time today while everyone geared up, and you had basically tuned him out. You’d been the one to help him come up with the plan back at headquarters, so you weren’t really concerned. You may not be a super soldier like Bucky or Steve or have powers like Wanda, but you were one of the naturally gifted members of the team.

You’d always known you wanted to do good, be good, so when you’d been offered a position in Shield right out of college you hadn’t hesitated. When you quickly proved your abilities undercover, it wasn’t long before Fury was sending you on longer solo assignments. With no family to call your own and your uncanny ability to weasel yourself out of trouble, you were soon his preferred agent to send out on long trips.

It was on one of the long trips that you’d first run into Bucky. You’d been working the case for over a year, undercover working at the restaurant that was a front for the local gang that Fury suspected had ties with Hydra. Fury had sent him in to call you back, your handler had lost contact with you months ago, and you were so set on finishing the case you didn’t let that stop you. You’d refused to leave when Bucky showed up, not wanting to abandon your case. Luckily, he’d seemed to understand that drive in you, and with Fury’s permission, he’d stayed on to help you. It wasn’t long before the case was all wrapped up neatly, and you were able to return to your life.

After that mission, Fury began sending you on missions with different members of the Avengers, but he always seemed to favor having you work with Bucky. When you’d first met the former winter soldier he’d been quiet and withdrawn but hard - you’d even jokingly called him granite to his face one drunken night. Over time, he’d thawed towards you and you’d struck up a warm friendship. Even when you weren’t working a case, you two were always in contact with one another.

One thing led to another, and before long you and Bucky were going out on dates in the small town near the Avengers compound. Your favorite spot was the small diner, they had the best apple pie in the whole state, and the two of you could spend hours there in the bustling restaurant. It was always full of locals and everyone knew each other's names. When you’d started going there you were pleasantly surprised to find that no one treated you or Bucky differently because of what you’d done. It had quickly become your weekly date night destination. None of the other avengers ventured to the diner, so it eventually became your little secret.

At first, you’d kept your relationship secret from the others, not wanting to make a big deal out of it until you were sure it was going to last. When you’d been together for six months, you’d had to admit it was time to tell the team. You’d waited until the weekly team dinner, and instead of saying anything you’d merely been openly affectionate with each other. Throughout dinner, no one called you out on your new touchy behavior with Bucky, not until you leaned over and kissed him on the cheek. Bucky always blushed at the public displays of affection, and drawing that out in him was one of your favorite things to do.

When you’d glanced back at the table, you saw Tony staring at you with a raised eyebrow. With a shrug, you’d returned to dinner as usual until Clint had huffed, pulling out his wallet and shoving a $5 bill into Natasha’s waiting hand. Of course, Fury and Steve refused to send you two on any missions together for the next year, worried it would compromise your ability to do your jobs, but eventually, they’d come around.

You and Bucky had been together for three years now, and things were going well. You’d moved into his suite at the Avengers compound, and you were both happy. Whenever you were both at the compound, you made your weekly jaunt to the diner but even when you were away on missions you found little ways to keep in touch - from having Nat drop off a slice of pie for him while you were away, to Bucky asking Steve to take you on adventures while he was away.

“You ready, [Y/N]?” Bucky’s voice brought you back to the present and you turned, shooting him a grin.

“When aren’t I?” you laughed, tightening the straps on your armor.

While you’d been daydreaming, you’d reached the bunker. Steve and Bucky stood near the open back of the jet. Like always, they’d be the first out followed by Sam and Tony. After they were out, you’d head out with Clint and Natasha and get to work. The team had worked together so many times over the years that by now you each knew exactly where the others would be, and you were a well-oiled machine. At least, you were most of the time.

Bucky’s warm hand found it’s way to your waist as he pulled you in, pressing a quick kiss to your forehead, “See you later, alligator.”

You rolled your eyes, he’d started making those stupid jokes in the last two weeks for the sole purpose of annoying you. Before you even had a chance to respond though, Bucky jumped out of the hovering quinjet, his smirk the last thing you saw as he dropped.

Steve quickly followed him, and the mission was on. Bickering like usual, Sam and Tony took to the skies. Once they were clear, you dropped your rope down from the jet and slid down alongside Nat and Clint. By the time your feet touched the ground, Tony had already blown open the door of the bunker and like angered ants pouring out of an anthill, Hydra soldiers had begun to erupt. Clint found his way to a nearby tree and began to fire down on them while Steve and Bucky made their way into the bunker. Working together with Sam, Tony, and Nat, while Clint covered your group you’d made quick work of the soldiers who’d willingly come out to face you.

Clint, Sam, and Tony took up their patrols outside the bunker, watching for the reinforcements you were sure would arrive while Nat led the way for the two of you into the bunker. While Steve and Bucky were dealing with enemy soldiers, it was your job to collect as much information and evidence as you could.

Three floors down you found the jackpot, a room full of computers and files. Neither of you spoke as you quickly fell into your usual roles, the chattering of your teammates over the comms was enough to keep track of.

“Come on Sam, I bet you couldn’t catch this arrow.” Clint’s voice was full of laughter as he goaded him.

“I’m not going to let you shoot at me again, bird brain” you could almost hear the eye roll from Sam as they continued the argument they’d been having for the last month.

Nat had finally managed to get one of the computers working, and while she plugged in the drive to start downloading information, you were scanning documents as fast as you could. Your eyes skimmed the paperwork as you went, trying to get a better idea of what they were studying here.

The warm timbre of Bucky’s voice over the comm drew your attention “Doll, you want to try and catch a movie this weekend? I think - DUCK - that new one you wanted to see is out, right?” You could hear fighting in the background, apparently he and Steve were still working on clearing the lower floors.

“Yeah Buck, I’d like that. It’s out today actually so that works” your eyes never left the papers in front of you, but a small grin slipped onto your face.

“Come on guys, heads in the game please” Steve sighed and you laughed, apologizing.

“Yeah kids, that’s not very professional of you.” Tony’s voice chimed in.

“Fuck off, Stark” Bucky’s voice was playful. While their relationship had been strained at first, the two had eventually formed a friendship based on sarcasm and insults.

“Language.” The team spoke all at once. In the years since his slip up, it had become an ingrained response to anyone cussing on comms, so much so that no one even thought about it anymore before responding.

A heavy groan came from Steve’s comm before he muttered a simple, “Get back to work.”

Near the bottom of the stack of papers, you found a small note about the test subjects being kept in the lowest level, northwest corner. They were testing on them to see if they could get any of them to develop powers, but apparently, they’d been having no success yet. They’d recently gotten a group of teens that they hoped might be more successful than the last group.

“Steve, sounds like there might be potential hostages below, looks like they’re in room 6C - Northwest corner, bottom floor. They’re testing on teens down there.” you scanned the paperwork as you spoke, searching for any other information they might need.

“We’re on our way. Let’s keep the comms clear in case something comes up.” Steve responded.

Among the echoes of “comm clear”, Bucky’s voice stood out with a simple “Thanks doll, comm clear.”

Time seemed to creep by until you heard Steve’s voice over the radio, “On our way out with the hostages. Clint, bring the quinjet down, let’s get out of here.”

When Steve and the hostages reached the door to the room where you and Nat were working, your eyes scanned the group, subconsciously searching for Bucky. Raising one eyebrow, you shot Steve a questioning glance as Nat began to lead the teens up and out.

“One of the teens says someone’s missing. Bucky’s looking for him.” Steve explained, and you nodded, moving through the crowd to help Nat in the front in case any trouble popped up.

As you exited the bunker with the first of the hostages, Tony’s voice came over the comms.

“We need to go. NOW. ” the urgency in his voice was clear as the sky above you.

Nat began to run, leading the teens towards the quinjet quickly while you stopped, turning back to the bunker. The staircase down was empty and dark, a black hole waiting to swallow everything whole.

“What’s going on?” You asked, your voice hard as you prepared for a fight.”

“Missiles incoming, and according to Friday, they’ve started their self destruct sequence. We need to go. I can handle one or two but I don’t recognize these and there’s more than we can handle.”

“Understood. Bucky? Let’s go.” you jogged over to the jet, joining Steve on the ramp as the rest of the teens got seatbelted in. Your eyes didn’t leave the entrance to the bunker, waiting for the familiar mop of brown hair to peak into the sunlight.

The comms were silent, no hint of Bucky’s warm voice, no trace of static, no way to know he’d even heard you. As the seconds ticked past, your anxiety began to grow. He should have been here by now.

“Clint, get the jet in the air. We have to move, now. We have less than a minute.” Tony’s voice was firm, solid in his decision.

“Bucky isn’t back yet.” you heard the slight tremble in your voice, but you couldn’t find it in you to care. It wasn’t like him to not answer a comm call, particularly not one from you.

“Clint, we don’t have time. Get in the air. I can grab him when he comes out” Tony ordered again.

Clint paused, looking at Steve for an order. After what seemed like an hour but was only a millisecond, Steve nodded. The jet began to rise and you prepared to step off, back onto the pad to go find Bucky when Steve’s hand wrapped around your arm, stopping you in your tracks.

“Tony won’t be able to carry you both, plus if Bucky found that hostage that’s too many. Wait here, you know he’s coming” the hint of unsureness in his tone did nothing to calm the worry.

Seconds ticked by quickly, your eyes locked onto the bunker door as the jet pulled higher into the sky, moving out of the path of the oncoming missiles. You didn’t even flinch at the roar of the missiles, your hand tightening on the handle of the jet as Tony detonated the first two rockets.

Finally, Bucky emerged from the bunker, an unconscious teen slung over his shoulder as he stepped back into the sunshine. Your eyes locked onto him at the same time the missile struck the building behind him, swallowing him up in a thick cloud of dust and debris.

You could hear the chaos erupt around you, Steve barking orders as Clint began to navigate the quinjet out of the path of the missiles still incoming. Tony and Sam shouting back and forth, still out in the air as they searched. You heard it all, but it didn’t seem to register. No, your mind was still stuck on that last image, on Bucky running out, looking exhausted but relieved, searching for the quinjet that had left him behind.

“Does anyone have eyes on Bucky?” you could hear the full-blown panic in your voice but couldn’t find it in you to care, not when Bucky was down there.

“We’re looking.” Sam’s voice was warm, too warm. He was using what Bucky had always jokingly referred to as his therapy voice. While you usually found it calming, it seemed to be grating now, harsh and unwelcome.

“Get me down there.” your voice was soft, firm.

Before anyone could respond, Clint’s voice came over the comms, “We have to get out of here. There’s more missiles incoming and this time they’re locked onto us.”

Without waiting for approval or anyone’s answer, Clint and Nat put the quinjet into motion, speeding away from the smoking pile of rubble below. The jerk of the sudden departure almost sent you tumbling out, Steve’s hand on your arm the only thing anchoring you. It took a second for the shock to leave your system, and it wasn’t until the bunker was out of sight that you yanked your arm from his grasp.

“Steve, let me out. I’ll go find him. You guys keep moving.” your voice was steady now, sure of what would happen next. They’d drop you off, you’d go back and find him, and the two of you would have to trek out to a safehouse with the teen where you’d find your way back to the compound.

“We can’t stop, [y/n]. There’s no time to stop and let you down.” Nat spoke calmly, the way you’d talk to a wild animal.

“Fine. Tony, grab me?” your idea pivoted on its head, knowing he could just grab you and drop you on the ground quickly.

“I have to keep on top of the rockets” Tony’s voice was strained, and you could hear the alarms going off in the suit as he fought to defend the jet.

“We’ll come back for him, I swear.” Steve swallowed heavily, his eyes not leaving the scene behind you for a long moment before he turned, pressing the button to close the back of the jet. Without another word, he headed up to the front to talk to Clint and Nat.

You watched the smoke in the distance as it rose, mocking you and just out of reach. You didn’t move, even as the door slid shut, locking into place as your thoughts raced.

~~~~~

Next Chapter ->

Taglist OPEN: @he-is-chaotic-she-is-psychotic @queenoftheunderdark @redfoxwritesstuff @brokenthelovely @collinsstanharbour @samsgoddess

#bucky barnes x reader #Bucky Barnes #Avengers #Marvel's The Avengers #Marvel The Avengers #The Avengers #marvels the avengers #fanfic #writing #angst #angst with a happy ending #Winter Soldier

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endlessdoom · 4 years ago

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Doomer Boards Project 17: Alone

By the Doomer Boards Community

2019

https://www.doomworld.com/idgames/levels/doom2/Ports/d-f/dbp17_alone

MAP01: "Derelict" by vertigo

We started things off with a modest but incredibly environmental map that works perfectly well for establishing the overall mood. A great tribute to the obviously classic Alien, but also inspired by the classic Aliens TC. An empty, medium sized level that implores us to explore and makes us keep our nerves tight. Despite having enemies, we will realize that the real joke of this map is to create the environment. Nice introduction.

MAP02: "They Mostly Come At Night" by Phobus

If with the previous map we introduce the environment, with this the environment explodes and the action makes its scene. A short map with a good modest presentation that manages to establish good tribute to its source material. Here we welcome the new enemies of this map-set: the aliens (xenomorphs) and the facehuggers, both iconic aliens that need no further introduction.

MAP03: "Come Get Your Asses Kicked" by jawsinspace

We go deeper and deeper into this base contaminated by the aliens, going deep into the depths as we battle on this medium sized map that takes us on a simple path of progress through different combats. Nice, simple and solid.

MAP04: "A_TT__P26" by gaspe

Fantastic medium size map with an expansive and well varied layou that takes us through a gallery of scenarios and entertaining, balanced and fun meetings. All this under a solid visual that evokes a great feeling of loneliness and aliens.

MAP05: "The Goddamned Walls" by dmdr

The first large map and does not disappoint. With a quite expansive layout that allows a well adjusted progression but with a bit out of balance (the air dmg zones are a bit irritating) but that manages to maintain a solid quality thanks to its complex and adventurous layout as well as a great level design that promotes numerous combat through different areas that go from tight interiors to rocky exteriors. Fun, though a bit challenging.

MAP06: "Anywhere But Here Again" by Joe-Ilya

A simple semi-linear map with an entertaining and simple development that offers enough minutes of entertainment through a map without real problems but also with remarkable features but a good sense of progression and a well-done layout

MAP07: "Alone In The Shadows" by hardcore_gamer

Alone in the shadows manages to encapsulate quite well the general theme of this brilliant little map. A medium level with quite low brightness levels that are accompanied by flashing lights and metal corridors. The design is mostly focused on the ambiance, but also offers some nice well-constructed encounters thanks to the tension and suspense.

MAP08: "Game Over Man" by vertigo

Contrary to what the title says, we still have a few games to give! MAP09 is a big-medium map with a design that I could describe as semi-industrial with a touch of prison, mostly because of the gloomy atmosphere. The real gist of the map concentrates more on a heavy and constant action under different combat arenas, giving it a welcome touch of eighties action. All pulse rifles blazing. That MIDI rocks great too.

MAP09: "Alien Resurrection" by Big Ol' Billy & Glenzinho

If you thought that everything was finished with Game Over, think again because here we have the finisher of this set. A brilliant, complex and glorious map of great dimensions that takes us through a complicated battlefield where we will have to fight against the last alien/demonic forces of the planet. This is the end and here we have our piece of cake. Satisfying, fast, brutal and with a unique style that is difficult to replicate. Excellent way to bring this DBP to an end.

MAP10: "Cryosleep" by vertigo & Glenzinho

As usual, a small credit map!

The end.

Overall:

DBP17: Alone (2019)

By the Doomer Boards Community

By this point, we can all agree that the Doomer Boards Project really stand out for the originality and creativity. Each month a new map-set with a different visual theme that can be as fun and simple as some well-known trend and also as unique and imaginative as, well, a Cyberdemon colonoscopy. Yet in the very rare occasions, you can find some projects that may look-alike quite a bit. Not a bad thing of course, but it is something that actually brings something interesting that brings some nice retrospective in the general panorama of the entire series. Well, personally, Alone is, I think, that kind of a project and also something more, quite dark, quite… alone.

Alone is one special 10 maps-set with quite the interesting yet already used theme, that being the Alien/HR Giger inspiration for the creation of it and the overall visual theme. Aliens are bound to appear, yet the actual gist of it lies on the simplistic yet enthralling level design and linear layouts that allow for some fast yet tense action. Now, why do I say already used? Well, I believe, and I’m quite sure, the DBP already had one Aliens themed map-set, the DBP04: Xenomorph Base. Which is also part of the original 5, so one of the OG DBPs. Yet, the first one failed a little bit in some points, leaving me with a less favorable but still decent opinion about the overall project. On the other hand, almost a year later, DBP17: Alone is another story, and this one ends quite better.

As you might expect from an Aliens themed project, atmosphere and presentation are on priority list for the general design of the visual style in each single fantastical set, all creating together quite the moody set, and for that we also have to thank MAP01 by @Vertigo, also leader of this project and his leading debut in the DBP! Quite the success. MAP02 by prolific mapper @Phobus is where all the tension breaks down and the action burns up, introducing two new main enemies: The xenomorph, which you can imagine like a Pinky but more athletic and probably even more dangerous. On the other corner we have the face hugger, another classic Alien, uh, alien, that works like a mini-Pinky demon. Notice that I say Pinky because the Pinky is pretty much the only melee-only demon in Doom. Well, now thanks to these fantastic new assets we have two new demons/aliens that are actually very fun to encounter. But alright! Moving on. MAP03 by @jawisnspace is a more mechanical, almost tech-base like map with some dark encounters and interesting scenery that introduces a well-done presentation. MAP04 by @gaspe takes us into an adventure of interiors and exteriors, along some really solid visuals. Our first true big map comes from the hands of @dmdr in MAP05, a big, tight and dark level that brings a nice challenge. MAP06 by @Joe-Ilya works as a good intermission allowing for some rest while exploring a simple yet solid map. MAP07 is where things get quite creepy. A fantastical moody map by @Hardcore_gamer, delivering quite the darkly alleys of pure alien blood and some humans bodies here and there. @Vertigo comes back again and gift us MAP08, a big, broad and explorative map full of adventure and xenomorphs. Lots of those. Finally, if you thing the DBP sage wasn’t going to make and appearance, well think again cause @Big Ol Billy makes a comeback by co-authoring alongside @Glenzinho MAP09, the finalizer of this beautiful dark plate. A fully fledged adventure map that follows a complex combat system and quite the deep layout. Beautiful way to end a map-set! Well, of course we also have MAP10, a tiny credits maps that always brings nice feelings to my heart in each single DBP.

While Xenomorph Base felt like a good example that seemed to mimic the inspirations of Aliens TC or, obviously, Giger; Alone feels more like a complete tribute to the work of the people who strove to develop the fantastic dark art of Aliens. What we have here is a beautiful example of atmospheric maps that manage to capture a fantastic cinematic essence thanks to a good use of tracking and leadership. The maps are simple, mostly, but each one evokes the feeling of playing an official Alien game. Part of that is due, obviously to the moody level design, but also thanks to the introduction of the new enemies, skins, sounds and a MIDI that kicks ass. Meeting the first Xenomorphs is a fun, intense and exhilarating experience. But we take the rest of the new assets and we have a fantastic work that gives us a solid presentation along about 9 decent to great maps that try to give as much atmosphere as fun. Not only are these maps made simply to have that sci-fi horror movie look of the eighties/seventies, but they are also a clear Doom WAD that is as much fun to play with as it is to admire. A kind of futuristic visualization of what Aliens TC would have been if it was made during modern times, and also a path of redemption for the original DBP04.

The interesting object of the gameplay also lies in the introduction of the two new enemies mentioned above: The Alien (or Xenomorph) and the Face Hugger, or, well, hand-walker-with-strange-colors-and-terrible-appearance, as I like to call it. Seriously, look at him, that comes straight from hell. These two enemies are implemented in a very natural and dynamic way that manages to make a good set with the rest of the Doom's generic offspring (which also bring new skins) creating a good example of adjustment between difficulty and implementation. These new enemies stand out mainly for their method of attack: speed and high damage. Their HP is extremely low, but the high speed can take some time to get used to. They move like Pinkies in NM! which is quite an adrenaline rush. Lovely! Although, I do have to admit, while the overall enemy positioning is simple and solid enough to feel balanced, every once in a while we might get our assess kicked by these guys. These aliens.

Overall, all I can say is that Alone feels like a worthy Aliens-inspired theme; the new weapons, the new enemies, the level design, the sound, the atmosphere, the kick-ass combat and the frenetic gameplay. All these factors work together to deliver what is quite the enjoyable experience in this alone adventure.

#doom #wad #mapping #review #retro #gaming

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dramioneasks · 6 years ago

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FAQ FICS: Bromance Fics

This list contains fics that feature a friendship between Draco and another main male character in the series (Blaise, Theo, Harry etc.). We do have a separate list for Draco and Harry Friendship.

The Breaking of Draco Malfoy By: Akorah - T, 24 chapters - After the war, Draco Malfoy flees to France, expecting to find refuge from the Ministry. He didn't expect to have a roommate and he certainly didn't expect to come face-to-face with his disintegrating beliefs about the world beyond magic. Meanwhile, Hermione Granger returns to Hogwarts with one objective: break her parents' Memory Charm. Unfortunately, life tends to get in the way.

Consequences of War By: NJ Coffee Queen - T, 29 chapters - Draco is asked to do the unthinkable when the Golden Trio is brought to Malfoy Manor. Can he handle the consequences of his actions or will he flee like the coward everyone believes him to be?

Friendly Interference By: cleotheo - T, 5 chapters - When Draco refuses to ask Hermione out his best friend, Blaise Zabini steps in and vows to bring the pair together. Will Blaise be successful in getting the couple together or will he ruin any chance they have of happiness with his interference? Short five part story.

Starlight By: Trinkisme - M, 35 chapters - "Whatever causes night in our souls may leave stars." – Victor Hugo. Draco has a decision to make; Harry has a legacy to accept. Neither was what they'd ever envisioned for themselves. This is a story of brokenness and of love and discovering how family can be both the bough that breaks and the tie that binds. Dramione and platonic Drarry.

The Eagle's Nest By: HeartOfAspen - M, WIP - Hermione's eighth year at Hogwarts is already going to be difficult in the aftermath of the war, but it is further thrown into upheaval when Headmistress McGonagall orders a re-sorting of all students to promote inter-house unity. But when the Sorting Hat sends Hermione to Ravenclaw with Draco - and without Harry or Ron - how will she cope? [AU, Dramione] Prevalent alchemy. WIP

Veelantine Surprise By: UnseenLibrarian - M, 6 chapters - After sharing a New Year's Eve kiss with Hermione Granger, Draco Malfoy begins a journey of self-discovery. Who knew a male Veela would suffer such trials and tribulations as he pursues his mate?

Mayhem before Christmas By: RunningQuill - M, 12 chapters - Christmas is not a season of peace for everyone. Certainly not for Hermione, who finds herself on the doorstep of her house on a cold winter night after she is kicked out by her own husband, a week away from Christmas! (COMPLETE)

Clean By: olivieblake - M, 31 chapters - Malfoy's handsome face was contoured into a condescending smirk. "No faith in that giant brain of yours, Granger?" She looked up at him defiantly. "Maybe I don't have faith in you!" she said, raising her voice. Malfoy only looked at her. "You'll find I'm very surprising." Dramione AU, Year 6 with a slow burn and a killer twist. Book I of "This World or Any Other" series. COMPLETE.

Necessary Evil - CourtingInsanity - M, WIP - Hermione Granger is a case worker for the Department of Magical Law Enforcement. Draco Malfoy has just been released from Azkaban nearly five years since the end of the Final Battle. Throw in a vindictive boss, an ailing mother and a common goal, and you've got a recipe for a slow burn Dramione.

The Year Neville Broke Bad - MotherofBulls - M, 7 chapters - SEQUEL to "BARMY" and "HIGH"! Neville Longbottom uses his skills in Herbology to reinvent himself as a bad ass. New year, new look--all around new Neville. In an unfortunate turn of events after accidentally witnessing an intimate moment between Draco Malfoy and Hermione Granger, Neville's new experiment turns on its face. Will he break bad or break down?

Broken Feathers - naarna - E, WIP - It's been eight years since Draco last spoke with Hermione, and now she has disappeared. Will he put everything into finding her?

Lily Potter's Biggest Secret By: StrongHermione - M, 47 chapters - Following a moment of passion, Lily Potter finds herself in a difficult position. She does her best to hide it. What happens when seventeen years later, her biggest secret comes to light? A story chronicling the formation of a family. Rated M for swearing and suggestive themes. AU, EWE?, Post War, Mild OOC, Spoilers. Pairings: HG/DM HP/GW SS/OC - COMPLETE

Matched By: longdistance - M, 21 chapters - The wizarding community has not quite bounced back in terms of numbers since the end of the war. Desperate times call for desperate measures and a Marriage Law is enacted by the Ministry. Hermione isn't even dating anyone, let alone ready to be someone's wife. Draco has a secret that he'd rather not share. Odd couples are made and they have a year to figure it all out.

Drinking Buddies by MrBenzedrine - M, 8 Chapters - Hermione and Draco find solace in each other as drinking buddies, but so much more develops. Rated M for graphic lemons. Post Hogwarts. Complete

A Secret Affair by LadyKenz347 - M, 4 chapters - Ron & Draco have become close friends after 5 years of working together at the Ministry. But how will he take it when Draco takes interest in Ron’s best friend and exgirlfriend?

Maybe When I Loved You by aerna - NC-17, one-shot - Draco awakes to find a surprise, not to mention, dead visitor in his room

The Guard By: NJ Coffee Queen - T, 21 chapters - All Hermione could think about was Draco Malfoy. How could they ever work together? Would they kill one another before her mystery attacker could? Most importantly, though, she wondered - what was Harry thinking?

The Awakening by CherryWolf-chan - M, one-shot - Mini-Weasley, I do hope you have a bloody good reason as to why you just barged into The Manor at four in the flaming morning and started screeching for my daughter-in-law!

Hermione Granger, Matchmaker - dragoncastle - T, one-shot - Draco Malfoy is in love and Hermione is determined that he get his happily ever after.

Firebird By: dieofthatroar When a bloodied and broken Draco Malfoy is dumped on the doorstep of the Order, Hermione knows it will change the course of the war. "The evil isn't just in the power of the Dark Lord. It's in the mundane lives of those chasing the carrot dangling in front of them." Dramione warfic

The Muddy Princess By: Colubrina - M, 22 chapters - Just another Pureblood!Hermione story. A hidden adoption revealed, a brother found, a new world to figure out: “What are you hoping for?” he asked as they stood ready to do the spell. “I don’t know,” Hermione admitted. “You?” His knuckles were white on his wand. “A sister,” he said, his voice very low, “I’m hoping for a sister.” Winner 2015 Energize WIP Awards.

Hypnotized - mister_otter - MA, 6 chapters - Curse breakers Draco Malfoy and Bill Weasley know that when archeologist Hermione Granger requires their help, they will get more adventure than they bargained for. Especially Draco…

Where We Go From Here By: LucindaRemyMalfoy - M, 24 chapters - Hermione Granger, 20 and divorced, no kids, and works at the Ministry of Magic. Draco Malfoy, 21 and entitled, biggest git you’ll ever meet, also known as ‘London’s Playboy’. What starts off as a forced arrangement turns into so much more when the two are forced to look at the lives they’ve been leading since graduation. A story about moving on and learning ‘where we go from here’

Memories of the Past By: mayawrites95 - T, 35 Chapters - After tragedy strikes, Hermione finds out a secret about her past, changing everything she knew as truth. Enter Draco Malfoy who is brought in by the Minister of Magic on a case as a crisis dangles over their heads. However little does she know that Draco holds his own secrets which could change her life in ways she never knew were possible.

A Quest of Paladins - Bambu - R, 17 chapters - After the disastrous events atop the Astronomy Tower, Draco Malfoy and Severus Snape flee wizarding Britain. After months on the run, they join forces with those of The Chosen One and his two friends. Will they be able to succeed in defeating Voldemort?

Christmas at Hogwarts By: cleotheo - M, 10 chapters - A ferocious storm forces Dumbledore to shut Hogwarts for the Christmas holidays. However, in their haste to leave the Professors end up leaving a small handful of students behind. How will three Gryffindors and three Slytherins cope with spending Christmas at Hogwarts? Fun, festive story.

Start Again By: NJ Coffee Queen - T, 19 chapters, Words: 23,633 - Divorced, Hermione and Draco move on with their lives…together.

Accidental Proposal By: CJRed - M, 37 Chapters - Hermione finds out that she is really a Nott, and there are so many rules to being a Pureblood, too bad Draco Malfoy seems to have forgotten one of the most important rules of all! Hermione/Draco. Theo and Hermione are siblings. Ignores epilogue and off canon in some other places as well. Set in 8th year. Language, Fluff, and Lemons. Complete.

Blaise Zabini and the Difficulty of Existing By: starkidsftw - T, one-shot - Draco Malfoy was in love with Hermione Granger. He didn’t know it. She didn’t know it. But Blaise Zabini, boy did he ever know it. 7th Year Dramione AU from Blaise’s perspective.

The Mastery By: l.h. Zein - T, WIP - By the time you realize you know better, the world is burning around you. Do you decide you have to think for yourself, or is it easier to think rebelliously quietly and lie loudly if it means you save their lives? He hadn’t answered those questions. 7 yr postwar and Hermione is looking for a career change, and the only project she’s interested in studying is under Draco Malfoy.

Mistletoe Mischief By: cleotheo - T, one-shot - Blaise and Theo are on a Christmas mission, they’re going to unite the Head Students using enchanted mistletoe. However catching Draco and Hermione under the mistletoe proves harder to do than they first thought. Light hearted seasonal One Shot.

Femme Fatale By: cleotheo - M, 26 chapters - Draco Malfoy’s new position as an Auror for the British Ministry throws him head first into a hunt for a serial killer. Working with Harry Potter and Ron Weasley, he sets out to catch the killer as well as entering into a romantic relationship with their other colleague, Hermione Granger. Murder mystery with a side helping of Dramione romance.

The Life He Should Know - NJ Coffee Queen - T, 21 chapters - After a Ministry experiment gone wrong, Draco Malfoy wakes up believing he’s 18 again. With six years of his life gone, will the missing pieces ever fill in?

Thanks to everyone who submitted fics!

#friendship #FAQ Fics #draco and harry #draco and ron #draco and blaise #draco and theo #draco and neville #draco and bill #draco and snape

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goforwardgreenwriter-blog · 6 years ago

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The Worm Reads: The Assassin’s Blade, Ch 5-6

*long, deep sigh*

Dinner with Sam was silent, and Rolfe appeared at eight to bring them both to the holding facility. Sam didn’t even ask where they were going. He just played along, as if he’d known the whole time.

I say, that’s my smart assassin boy! He never lets the enemy know they have the upper hand, I fucking love Sammy. Can this book be about him please?

Rolfe takes them to a warehouse full of slaves and Celery splooges over how bad she feels for them. Footage not found, bitch!

Aside from some occasional muffled weeping, the slaves were silent. Some of their eyes widened at the sight of her. She’d forgotten how she must appear—faceless, cloak waving behind her, striding past them like Death itself. Some of the slaves even sketched invisible marks in the air, warding off whatever evil they thought she was.

This might be cool if Celery was actually like, a bad ass assassin who deserves to be feared? I’m a thin ass weakling whose never been in a fight in her entire life and I could beat Celery with one fist tied behind my back.

Celaena’s heart pounded faster. Even after all these years, people still defied Adarlan’s conquest. But what right did Adarlan—or Rolfe, or anyone—have to treat them like this?

Funny how Celery acknowledges this but is completely fine with them being slaves for Rolfe........funny....

The men standing around the Eyllwe prisoner parted as Rolfe approached, bowing their heads. She recognized two of the men from dinner the previous night: the short, bald Captain Fairview and the one-eyed, hulking Captain Blackgold.

They sound way cooler than Celery. Can she drop dead and the book be about Sammy going on pirate adventures on the seas with these guys?

“I’d send him to the market in Bellhaven. Lots of rich men there needing strong hands to do their building. Or women needing strong hands for something else entirely.” [Captain Fairview] winked in Celaena’s direction.

Aaaand SJM ruined it. Great. Can I get one male character besides Sammy who thinks about something other than sex for five seconds? Pretty please?

They ask questions about the slaves and it’s just. Making me cringe so I’ll skip the details. The subject of brothels comes up and Sammy gets upset so Celery info dumps his backstory onto us.

His mother, sold at eight to a brothel, had spent her too-short twenty-eight years clawing her way up from an orphan to one of the most successful courtesans in Rifthold. She’d had Sam only six years before she’d died murdered by a jealous client. And though she’d amassed some money, it hadn’t been enough to liberate her from her brothel—or to provide for Sam. But she’d been a favorite of Arobynn’s, and when he’d learned that she wanted Sam to be trained by him, he’d taken the boy in.

Love this trend of YA mothers dying for their family to angst over. Fuck it, Sammy’s mother deserves better. She can join Darrow, Gav, Sammy, and Manon in a better series where she knits sweaters for all of them and her pet dogs. She deserves it.

Celery is like “death is better than slavery” which, okay I understand what she’s trying to say, but then she goes off about it like is she planning to kill these slave to free them?? This writing is off the wall tbh. Anyways she leaves after that and Sammy follows.

“Celaena, wait!” Sam called, panting as he walked after her.

Why is he panting if he’s just walking? He’s not even walking fast, he’s just out of breath keeping a moderate pace. Gg on the writing there, SJM.

So Celery walks down into the water and takes off her mask and cloak for some reason?

Bath-warm waves flooded past her, and she kicked up a spray of water as she kept walking. Before she could get deeper than her calves, Sam grabbed her arm. “What are you doing?” he demanded. She yanked on her arm, but he held firm.

So Sam is literally like “Uhhh it’s like super late, what are you doing?” and she starts to fucking wrestle him?? They’re wrestling in the water??? But why???

“I’m not going to let go until you promise to stop attacking me,” Sam said. His face was inches away, and she felt the breath of every one of his words on her mouth. She took an uneven breath, then another. She had no reason to attack Sam. Not when he’d kept her from gutting that pirate in the warehouse. Not when he’d gotten so riled about the slave children. Her legs trembled with pain.

Seriously what the fuck!!! Celery decides to pick a fight for him for literally no reason, then she splooges about how handsome he is, then she’s like “yeah we have no reason to fight” like what was the point of all this!!! Was this book not edited???

“I might do something as foolish as freeing the slaves,” she said. Sam went so still that he might have been turned into stone. “I knew you were thinking up something—but freeing them …”

So this was just so Sammy could find out her plans? But why?? Why don’t your characters function like regular human beings, SJM?

If I was writing this scene, I’d have Celery stomp off and Sam follow her, asking what’s wrong, and Celery knows Sammy is a good person so she tells him about her plans to free the slaves. There, cut out so much pointless bullshit.

“I have to try,” she said. “Why?” Sam stepped close enough that she needed to tilt her head back to see his face. “We’re assassins. We kill people. We destroy lives every day.”

In theory he’s not wrong, but assassin usually stick to killing corrupt political figures and dangerous people. Slavery is just stripping people of their rights and freedoms and enslaving them. Man, this book is really making me explain why slavery is wrong, isn’t it?

“We kill corrupt officials and adulterous spouses; we make it quick and clean. These are entire families being ripped apart. Every one of these people used to be somebody.”

See, even Celery understands this! Idk what SJM was smoking when she came up with this plot, but she gotta stop.

Anyways, Sammy is obviously not on board for this slavery thing and agrees to help out, only he doesn’t splooge about how that makes him a ~white savior~ or whatever so I’m actually rooting for him.

He groaned. “You already have a plan?” She grinned, then told him everything. When she finished, he only scratched his head. “Well,” he admitted, sitting on the sand, “I suppose that’d work. We’d have to time it right, but …”

Love how we don’t get to hear the plan so SJM can pull whatever she wants out of her ass and chalk it up to “Oh Celery told Sammy off screen so it was all planned lol”

Sammy implies Arobynn has more motives for sending them here than just getting him some slaves and Celery doesn’t believe him and I don’t care. Next chapter!

After yet another miserably hot and sleepless night, Celaena spent the following day with Sam, walking through the streets of Skull’s Bay.

Damn, I was lowkey hoping for a Sammy POV. I’‘d much rather be in his head than Celery’s.

From flirting with the harlots along the main street, Sam learned that every once in a while, Rolfe covered the tab for all the pirates in his service, and the revelry lasted for days.

Not for a lack of trying Sammy, but... what does this have to do with the slavery trade?

Oh, immediately after SJM is like “Lol the harlots have him some other pointers too hee hee” Great. Fuckin’ great. Never mind that he’s what, 17, and we don’t know how old those women are?

Rolfe ran a hand through his dark hair. “Don’t you two ever stop questioning? There’s no way of predicting how many slaves you’ll lose. Just keep them watered and fed.”

Rolfe is tired of this shit like me. Same hat, Rolfe, same hat.

They go to the group of slaves that’s for Arobynn and Celery asks if any of the slaves speak the Common tongue. Only one dude can.

What’s your name?” Celaena asked the slave. “Dia.” His long, frail fingers trembled slightly. “You’re fluent?” He nodded.

This guy is old and can’t be used for porn, so he’ll probably die for Celery’s angst. Ungh. Don’t know what would be worse, this or having a young hot slave speak Common so there can be a love triangle between him, Celery, and Sammy.

The scene ends and the next one starts up. If this had been written in current day, SJM would’ve added a chapter cliffhanger here.

Hours later, no one noticed—or if they did, they certainly didn’t care—when two cloaked figures slipped into two rowboats and headed toward the slave ships hovering several hundred yards offshore.

UHHHHHHHHHHHH I’M GONNA SAY THE FORMER BECAUSE????? Who wouldn’t think two cloaked people heading for the ship with slaves on it was suspicious??? Do all the pirates have mashed potatoes for brains????

It hadn’t taken long for word to get out that Arobynn Hamel’s assassins had opened a celebratory tab at the tavern, and even as they had strode to the docks, pirates were already streaming the other way toward the inn.

Even so, they still have guards on watch?? Rofle specifically said this earlier??? This fuckin’ book.

Celery and Sam make it to the ships and give each other a signal, ending the chapter. I’m ready for this snoozefeast to be over.

#the worm talks #the worm reads: tab #anti sjm #anti tab #anti tog

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bites-kms · 4 years ago

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Southwest Roadtrip - Episode 1: Viva las Vegas

When it comes to discovering the US, Johnny Cash kept it simple and straight to the point:

“I've been everywhere, man. Crossed the desert's bare, man. I've breathed the mountain air, man. Of travel I've had my share, man. I've been everywhere.“

And what a journey it was! Who knew a failed attempt to fly to Hawaii would result in such a fun adventure? We packed our stuff and jumped on a plane, destination Southwest of America. Starting by Vegas, passing through Arizona, stopping by Utah, resting in Colorado. Only my friend Belu would be as kamikaze to propose such thing and found in me such a blind partner-in-crime. It was September 4th, and we were rushing in a taxi from Hoboken to Newark to board our first flight during a global sanitary emergency, looking like Darth Vader’s close cousins with our masks and face shields.

After an approximately 6-hour flight, we landed in the middle of literally nowhere. We were able to see the pyramid and some other iconic architecture which I currently do not remember because it was about only for 5 seconds before landing. On arrival, on a mostly empty airport, we were surprised by the amount of slot machines that were there, welcoming everyone to place their bets. For sure, ours was to have fun and contrary to common belief, the house didn't win this one: we had a blast!

Followed by a surprise “SIN CITY, WOOO HOOO!” shout from someone who obviously has been living inside a thermos for the last past months, we cracked up and went to fetch a car. This very nice gentleman took us to the Bellagio (yeap, we went full on cliche mode, with what was originally a non-existent promo) while DJ Dani blasted her best records to kick off this adventure with the right feet: Viva Las Vegas by Elvis Presley and Just a Gigolo by Louis Prima Success.

DAY 1:

First things first: check in and adventure. Hotel, amenities and surroundings. Vegas spins around two main areas: the famous Strip, 6.8kms of the brightest place on earth seen from outer space full of hotels, restaurants, shops and of course, casinos. Pretty much Disneyworld for adults. The Bellagio is the iconic hotel which hosts some of the greatest restaurants and also the famous dancing fountains. Also, is one that is pretty centrally located, in between Caesars Palace (Roman Empire themed), The Cosmopolitan (which imitates boheme life from France) Aria and Park MGM Las Vegas (New York City represent!), Excalibur (Middle Ages) Luxor (Cleopatra’s Egypt) and The Venetian (of course, Venice). Everything is within walking distance but beware of the heat: a normal day in the desert is around 42C (107F), if not more, with a melting down thermal sensation of 1000 in any scale. This is why is also a city that is enjoyable during night time. So, do not feel bad about sleeping in a bit: you can always chill by the pool in the morning, have a little something for lunch and sleep (or remove the hangover) during the afternoon when the sun is unbearable. OR, the casino is always open so that could be an option. We chose to walk around a bit (big mistake) but luckily once you enter to the casinos, they are all connected with escalators, shade and AC, so we were mesmerized by this grown up themed park, where is so easy to lose track of time.

After an Italian lunch on a french bistro in a corner of Paris (? yes.. I know..) we went back and rest by the pool. Once the sun was already getting ready to bet some chips at night, we did too: we changed into our most shinny and glamorous outfit and won exactly 27 dollars! We checked out Venice, and some of the night shows that were happening on the streets (like naked promoters, the massive PM lines, and the crazy long-ass “juice” towers flowing around the more energetic covid-prone crowds) right before we headed up to Yellowtail, the Japanese and Michelin Starred restaurant at the Bellagio. We had their famous tuna pizza (it sounds terrible but it is more of a tostada or sashimi-style like) and got disappointed that they run out of the short ribs, but instead had some amazing sushi rolls and some tempura bites. When we found out about the beautiful, sigh-seeing windows that displayed all the fountain show we left our high-end attires aside and run to the windows, interrupting some other people’s dinner while leaving the waiters behind. We decided to go for dessert somewhere else and went to the piano bar located at the reception for a delicious espresso and a chocolate diamond cake. We did some neon-gazing and loved the fountain show to the beat of Believe by Cher, while being overwhelmed by a surreal feeling of actually being there, having so much fun and appreciating our friendship (and of course, avoided a high/drunk fellow who tried to take our pics and phone with them - she didnt know we were from New York and from Rio de la Plata, so the scam was on her!)

DAY 2

Repeat. (and pretty much that’s all we did). We kicked it off with a fake breakfast by the pool, and some piñas coladas in between facemasks. We also had a light lunch by the pool (a greek salad with some much needed water) and then, around 6:15 we took a cab to the Neon Museum - yeap, for those who think there is only light fun in Vegas, nope, think again, there are worthy museums, too! ( I even made a joke here! damn I’m inspired!). The Neon Museum is a scrap dealer cemetery, where all the old and somehow “broken” -even thou most of them have been repaired and are currently working!- neon signs from Old time Vegas rest. It is very fun to see old hotels, random letters, icons and logos being laid there, creating a wonderful mess in the middle of, again, you guess right, the desert. It was very fun and beautiful to be honest.

Another short taxi drive later (I was too naif thinking we could walk in short heels under the killer heat more than a block!) we drove thru what is known as “Old Vegas” or “Downtown Vegas”. This used to be the place where the magic happened before the creation of the Strip, but nowadays it only hosts what lingers of once a glamorous and kitschy past. The center of this action can be found throughout Freemont Street, a pedestrian long avenue that gathers classic neon signs, all-time Vegas characters (we still missed out on Elvis, so watch out impersonator, we will be back just for you!), stripers, street sellers, all you can eat venues, dodgy bars, and more and more neons. According to Las Vegas Tourism Board>> “Fun people, crazy people, partying, gambling, drinking, street performers, free music and light shows, zip lining and just having a good time... that's what you expect at Freemont.”

We had some pizza, talked to this Montana guy who for a second thought he was able to have a threesome with us on his dirty van, were voluntary abused by these hot, ripped stripers who made us laugh with their pick up line: “You can leave your face mask here, right by your underwear too, please.” The guys were a “sample” - since the show is canceled due to the pandemic- of Chippendales, something a fine woman needs to experience once in their lifetime. Belu felt in love with her boy, but given the current times and protocols, this love couldn't prosper as we all wished it had. No worries amiga, next time!

But the most striking part of this decadent place was witnessing this surreal restaurant called Heart Attack Grill, where people who weight more than 350lbs (almost 160kgs) eat for free. The biggest burger consist on 8 patties, and as an FYI, only the 4 patty burger is marked on the Guinness World Records Book as the “Quadruple Bypass Burger” with almost 10.000 calories, all the beverages consists on massive soft drinks, milkshakes, beers and wine, (full bottles, of course, served from an IV drip bag) and it is not allowed to share food. The place is cash only, you gotta weight yourself before entering, each patty is made of half pound each, everybody must wear hospital gowns and if you dare not to finish your meal, you get three spanks by the horny yet not so sexy waitress dressed as nurses. As a nice little detail, on the biggest burger you can pump it up with 40 slices of bacon by only $7.99 more! And, to wrap up this majestic hospital parlor, I recently researched that the legal owner of Heart Attack Grill is hilarious – Diet Center LLC. The founder is Jon Basso, who strives to provide “nutritional pornography” in his food. For a better comprehension (for a lack of a better word) of this place, you can check out this recap of Showtime’s series: Deadly Sins.

So, we were mesmerized, we were educated, we bet, we ate, we drunk and we touched some sweaty strippers, so there was only one thing left to do: crush a weeding. So there we went. There were multiple chapels around the area, but I dont know whether it was the time (it was around, 9, 9 and coins) so it may have been a little bit too late or due to COVID, but no weddings were in place. We finally arrived to the Little White Chapel, the original, unique one that has the Elvis sign, the drive-thru and the proud sign that states how Michael Jordan and Joan Collins got married there. We were so bummed to found only a very young, very dull couple getting married (she was wearing black, hence, that is all you need to know) and there was not a very jolly, merry spirit. Still, we managed to hang out with the best men and got a picture of two to remember this fail attempt to crush this very much lame wedding. Up we went to the Bellagio, checking out what was missing from Sin City: the Wynn Hotel, Route 515, 51 and the Famous Welcome to Las Vegas Sign.

We wrapped this unique experience witnessing an amazing, full moon in the middle of the desert, with a massive and delicious full on breakfast at Sadelle’s, a little piece of home in our far-away-from home hotel. Till next time, Vegas! You were great fun!

#vegas #elvis #fun #gamble #nevada #food #restaurant #casinos #covid

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monkey-network · 7 years ago

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Good Stuff - THE (FULL) TROOF ABOUT STEVEN UNIVERSE

WARNING: What you’ll see under the cut is possibly one of the grandest things I will ever do and generally one of the biggest SU Crit posts of all time. Be advised that explicit language is present and we ask that readers are open-minded and reasonable with any given retort. Note that this has been edited due to Tumblr’s limitations of presentable media so click here for the Director’s Cut.

Do like & share if you enjoyed it or if I fought your boredom. Thank you and take care out there.

Steven Universe is a charming, popular show with a quad-polar fandom, and I’m only here to point out what I say is legitimately wrong with this cartoon. Simple enough? Fair enough.

POINT #1 - THE ACTION:

Okay, my first point really doesn’t just apply with cartoons, but fights in general. Question: what’s the one thing that people get the most out of seeing a fight? The impacts. Those moments where the opponent is given such a crushing ass blow, that you can feel the effort that went into that attack. Yeah, Steven Universe lacks this. I mean, it can look like the characters are putting effort into fighting their opponents and it can look like they’re getting hurt pretty bad (thanks to applied visuals and sound effects), but it never feels like the characters are actually hitting each other. There are instances of impact, but they’re menial and they’re scattered between the duelists smacking each other like helium filled action figures; feeling as tender as any other motion the characters do throughout. Now if you’re wondering what I mean by impacts, note these prime examples; because animes know their action.

Jojo’s Bizarre Adventure

Hajime no Ippo

Summer Wars

My Hero Academia

If present, violence can/should provide a stark raving contrast to the supposedly grounded world in any series, and the impacts of violence should be escalating with every punch or kick. Attacks should fly with fierce swiftness, the weight/force of any blow can be seen; raw power, speed, and stamina should be pushed to limits unknown. Now, I’m not saying Steven U has to imitate any incredible, well animated fight scene that anime has flawlessly provided by now, but more effort should have been made to escalate the impact of their fights, not keep it steady tuned with

*Smear work to make the boring motions look fast paced

*Spiky white marks to show a clash

*quick visual instances of impact that lets you know a character is getting hurt

*and tons of smoke to cover the possibly graphic imagery

Steven Universe has the fundamentals of action down, but they don’t go beyond that (plus ultra). Their fights can look technically similar with the characters being the only real source of variation, especially when you can figure out their attacks ahead of time. So I hate to say this, but if you’ve seen one fight, you’ve seen ‘em all.

Another reason I presented Steven U’s lacking action is because tts not just about fists flying or weapons clashing, but the balance of emotion that goes with the foes putting their heart and soul into taking each other down. But, for most of the time, I don’t see SU’s fights present any real hook of seriousness, even if it wants me to, and most of them feel present for (basic) comedy. I feel less invested in who’s fighting, or why, than I am at how they’re getting beat up. Ironic, being a show that’s all about being open with its “serious” emotions. Combined with its lackluster animation, and they don’t add much contrast towards an otherwise easy going series

This here is honestly the most funniest a fight scene of theirs can get (mostly ‘cuz Peri deserved that), but after seeing the pretty slow animation, it can lose its luster no matter how deserving it may seem. Now notice this whopping scene, from the anime One Punch Man, below.

You can know nothing about One Punch Man, who these characters really are, but you can tell from these 5 seconds alone that when a fight happens, there’s a fast, over the top sense of comedy that comes with the brutal nature of a man that can apparently KO anybody in one swing, ironic and even more comedic with said one hit wonder being the most emotionless looking character on the show.

Seriously, that’s his face for almost the whole series

Now I know what you’re thinking, “But Monkey Network, it’s mostly a slice of life cartoon. The action scenes aren’t that prominent in the series as you might think and hope. It’s not supposed to be a violent show.” And I’d say fair point except for the fact that Friendship is Magic is also a slice of life cartoon that only has a few real action scenes under its belt, and this particular one is the best fucking thing I’ll ever see.

youtube

AGAIN, you can know nothing about the series as a whole, or this episode in general, but this fight alone perfectly captures the game Steven Universe has never really utilized since its early days. It has some seriousness with its escalating over the top attacks, the pace never feels constant, and even though they’re evenly matched, the things they do look fucking cool. The only downside is that since the show has puppet flash animation, it does looks limited, but even then they made the most of it. Steven Universe is hand drawn, so with all due respect, they have no fucking excuse. Their fight scenes amount to stay the course animation with glimpses of impact and a flashy style to avoid it from being pod racing levels of BORING. I’ve seen fan animations that would give this show a run for its money.

The Fandom provides more than the actual show

Even before Garnet’s fight with Jasper, Steven Universe’s action sequences was a sweet chunk of what made the show investing to watch, and looking at back at it, I was a bit too invested in something that wasn’t that invested in itself. Again, I know it can’t stack up to the God tier works that the anime world’s made for itself, but compared to other action present cartoons (Voltron, Star vs. the Forces of Evil, Avatar, The Powerpuff Girls, MLP, OK KO, any shonen anime), I think maybe they could/should git a little gooder in providing actual fights, not sparring matches. That, and if Sugar Honey Ice Tea and her crewniverse can put such effort into the facial expressions, they can make the fights more expressive too.

POINT #2 - THE “VILLAINS”:

Now, I fucking love villains. Not just for the who, but why and how they do it. When bad guys like the Joker, Lord Dominator, DIO, or Him do their thing onscreen, I enjoy every moment of their threatening essence (except Jared Leto’s Joker, he sucked). Villains remorselessly do unethical, downright vicious, things to fulfill their goals while initiating setting up the heroes to correct these effects with their efforts and abilities. Steven Universe has villains, sure. Yet, after having so many chances, Rebecca Sugardaddy has failed to make them REAL villains, specifically the Great Diamond Authority.

Now originally, I was gonna compare the Diamonds to the likes of Fire Lord Ozai(Avatar: The Last Airbender) or DIO (JJBA); villains that work in the shadows and when they’re eventually revealed, they’re already a force to be reckoned with. But looking into how they and Homeworld is set up, there was no other villainous ensemble that could stack up with the Diamonds perfectly like the Gorosei from the anime One Piece.

Looking more badass than the US Government

Now these five gentlemen aren’t necessarily what make up the end all be all for the series, but above all, the Gorosei are the ruling leaders of the organization that controls the entire world of One Piece. They command the military, the police, and other agencies, like their investigative and espionage departments, and the only people that out rule these gentlemen are the descendants of those who created it several centuries ago. Like the Diamonds, they seek to maintain order and justice for the people of their world and doing so means taking on any sign of revolution (namely Pirates) that could damage not only their image, but their purpose. Both Authorities possess absolute rule over the many classes that are under them and their stance of power can be present with the many actions that effect the characters we focus on currently. The difference between the two ruling classes is nuance, aka a grey sense of morality, aka an actual sense of relatability. So when I see a series having an overall narrative villain, Steven Universe has shown me that sympathy should NOT be a factor in storytelling.

Now when I say this, I don’t mean you can’t sympathize with any villain you see. Most of the time, you can feel for the antagonist when their lives never were good to begin with, that’s namely how villainy starts out, therefore making their actions not so much justified, but understandable. Take the rogues gallery that are the enemies of Batman.

Every one of them has a story to tell and a method to their madness. Their histories weren’t as nice or as hopeful as they may have hoped, and you can feel their pain as their efforts to be successful at something grand falls apart due to the Dark Knight or life’s unforgiving nature. However, the sympathy stops there because none of these masterminds, with the Joker being an exception, serve as a main villain to Batman’s crusade for justice, they’re continuous rivals and one off stories that expand the DC Universe. No evil in Gotham is powerful enough because Batman’s story has no real endgame. Steven Universe and One Piece will eventually have an endgame. And while the Gorosei represent an Oligarchical commodity that separates its order seeking rule from their affiliating countries, The Diamonds have amounted to being under one system alone:

Or generally cruel Collectivism if you wanna sound smart

And it’s weird I bring this up. For I would’ve thought to have called Homeworld an authoritative caste system where the gem you’re born with defines your class and status, coinciding with the gems’ natural abilities. The specific gems are given a role and everyone plays a part to maintain societal order, like what India has, with the Diamonds being the biggest and strongest gems and therefore are the de facto Matriarch of the gem society, you feel me? That would’ve earned a little sympathy from me, because the Diamonds losing Pink would’ve meant the massive changes to accommodate their order and resources might not have worked out so well and their image as leaders are slowly diminishing and that can explain the huge resentment for Earth and Rose’s Rebellion.

But no. Instead the Diamonds are a repressive totalitarian government that basically control everyone and everything, all the gems below to strictly follow and almost never question their line of reasoning, and they’re reasons for destroying the Earth has been summarized down to the emotional baggage and grudge that came with their failure long ago.

CAN YOU NOT FEEL THEIR STRUGGLE?!

Wanna know why I didn’t compare the Diamonds to Avatar’s Fire Nation when talking about humanizing the enemy and the connection couldn’t be more obvious? Because before Ozai is ever mentioned, The Last Airbender states very clearly that the Fire Nation is the region Aang and his friends need to infiltrate to stop their manifest destiny. And when we’re early hinted that Zuko’s not full on evil, it lets the audience know that not everyone is on board with those in charge of the Fire Nation invasion, leading up to Ozai’s big debut where we see that as the endgame villain, he’s irredeemable and has such a lust for power, that he’s recognizably the main drive everyone has to stop. Avatar did this right because little by little, the main enemy was narrowed down to a single force that hasn’t made itself known until near the end when his presence bear more importance. The same can’t be said for Steven Universe because Rebecca Sugar Rush presented yet another faint mistake.

The Diamond’s personalities are given to us before they’ve shown us who they are and what they’re capable of…

So we see Yellow Diamond as a vindictive, no nonsense leader that wants shit to get done and Blue Diamond as a more tender looking, yet no nonsense leader that’s grieving over Pink Diamond’s death and does whatever she can to move on and remember the fallen fondly. So, have they done anything before we’ve met them personally? Sure.

*They corrupted thousands of their own kind (because of the rebellion)

*Allowed experimentation towards shattered gems to make artificial fusion or disembodied amalgamates (because of the rebellion)

*And let’s not forget the Cluster (because of the rebellion)

So yeah, quite a lot actually. Now you might be thinking, “But Monkey Network, what does those five old men have to do with what the Diamonds did?” Well, when you see the villainous shit the Gorosei have commanded, their actions are actually more relatable than one would expect.

*Ordering the destruction of an island of archaeologists because they were secretly researching forbidden history

*Ordered death to any pregnant woman in sight fearing that one could be pregnant with Gol D. Roger, the OG Pirate King’s, child. Said slaughter lasted for around two years (Special thanks to @des-the-girl for this info)

*Directing the Marines, or the front line enemies of our Pirate heroes

*And contemplating their system’s next move when updates arrive

Now I don’t know about you, but these gentlemen make up quite an authoritative class with understandable motives and relatable notions on running the world without necessarily being on the front lines. Kinda like the US over the years? Even when their level of corruption can be on par and we still know little of their true power and who they really are, they’re instantly better than the Diamond Authority because we can see why they’re in command, their thoughts and actions towards our heroes shows no sign of being sympathetic, and yet we see where their motives lie. I mean, their Government’s enemies are pirates. You know, Pirates? People who’ve robbed and killed and are the opposite of order? See where I’m going here? They namely go after our heroes who are seen to be the enemy even when the Pirates and plenty others consider them the enemy. It’s almost as if there’s a grey choice for the audience to wonder whom the real bad guys are. OooooOOh. Also, quick side note. The Gorosei look fucking cool. Like their designs aren’t exactly human, credit towards Eiichiro Oda and his expressive designs, but they’re drawn with such a level of seriousness and stature that it presents their elder wisdom and grave subtlety towards a subject in a contrasting light to the pirates bombastic, emotional appeal.

So, what’s the tl;dr aspect of this since you probably won’t take this seriously? Well, call this a domino effect. Basically, Rebecca Sugardop has given us nonthreatening villains that showed no sign of any redeemable qualities beyond their ability to mesmerize us with their acting, and the audience should have a bit of sympathy for their side (see ”Bismuth”). In doing so, she failed to make them real villains. In doing that, there really are no real villains in the show. And when there are no villains, the conflict feels dry and absent. And without conflict, she failed at putting together HALF an overall story. And when you’re a coming of age story where it has to end on some note with maturity and change, after almost five years in the making, you just FUCKED yourself over when you didn’t even invest time in HALF of what makes an overall story of good and evil investing and engaging. Oh I’m sorry, what makes an overall story of a blurred line between good and evil. Investing and engaging.

Ugh, I can’t care anymore. If they get redeemed, sure. If they end up dying like a tragedy, fine. They feel less like villains to overcome and more like stairs Steven has to step on to become a better person. Just let White Diamond be as grandiose and badass as Tumblr’s AUs of her, because again…

The fandom is doing the show a bit of justice

POINT #3 - BEACH CITY:

Okay, before I provide attention to our main gem heroes, I thought I’d give their home of Beach City a vocal point to express the diversity they offer and what makes them an essential drive for Steven and the Crystal Gems to protect the Earth by any means. I mean, they offer such valid representation for the show’s world building and can offer plenty of stories to tell to give us that slice of lifevibe the show really needed. But I believe, after seeing Beach City time and time again over the course of 4 years, that I can summate its presence in the show with a single- Nay. With two simple yet comprehensible words.

Who cares?

Whooo CARES?

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Thank you, respectable actor Elaine Stritch. Rest in Peace

To continue, don’t get me wrong. Worldbuilding is more than essential for a story like Steven Universe, Berserk, Friendship is Magic, Legend of Zelda, and so on. Whether big or small, expanding a setting is important to giving characters a versatile way to look at their world in a differing light than before. But suffice to say, what world has Steven Universe built for itself?

*A populated province in the East Coast?

*A barn?

*Ancient ruins? Among other distant gem territory?

Aye, this troof is gonna be hard to explain. We just have locations, people. That’s it. They’re no special than the mini Galaxies from Super Mario Galaxy 2, only on Wii, Rated E for Everyone. A place can look cool and a population there can bring life to it, but they should have something for the characters to interact with and visibly wonder about what they might get into as they adapt and progress in some way. And by some way, I don’t mean insert plot devices that help make the characters do significant looking things, and I’ll get to that a bit later. But to sum it up, Steven Universe present locations, but those locations lack identity and coordination.

Stick around, Link, I might need your example

I got a short story to tell. True story. And this story provides my reason, above all else, for why Beach City doesn’t hold much water anymore when talking about world building, specifically after the show’s first season (or Full Disclosure).

There’s a comic book TV show called Preacher, premieres Mondays @ 9, only on AMC. Essentially it’s about a criminal turned Priest, possessed with a supernatural power, going on a cross country road trip to find the physical form of God with his his mate who’s also a vampire and his ex-girlfriend. Pretty vivid premise, but see for yourself. The first season however sets up the road trip where the priest, his ex, and vampire friend stay in a small town in Texas to not only introduce them, the power that the priest gets, and the type of humor throughout, but flesh out a few citizens they encounter pretty well in a thematically connected turnabout for ten episodes straight. All seems good.

Up until the entire town loses their minds, after losing all faith in belief, which eventually leads to a methane nuclear sized explosion that wipes out everybody except the three main characters who exited a few scenes before.

The End.

Now, let’s talk relevance. If I ran Steven Universe, and I don’t think I can, and I pulled 👆👆 that on Beach City at season 1′s end. Erase everything you’ve seen, every citizen will be forced to disappear except the major plot oriented characters, basically resetting the structure. If I did that, how much would it change? What would we really lose? The diverse Beach citizens that don’t and can’t do shit against the enemies we’ve see unless they’re forced to get involved in some way which rarely happens?

You can put as many people of color and as many personalities in your world all you want, but effort should also be put into not just making them NPC levels of value to the point where a reset button wouldn’t put much a dent to the “world building”. The worst part is that it’s not like Batman’s Gotham City or Spider-Man’s New York; places where the villains are plotting while they’re within city walls. Steven Universe’s enemies have to either be brought out somewhere (gem monsters, Lapis) or brought to (Jasper, that red Eye, Aqua and Topaz) Beach City for the place to provide any significant or value. So…

Just saying.

Now if the whole series was like season one with the non “To Be Continued”slice of life episodes, then it would’ve work. Phineas and Ferb, Foster’s Home, and Friendship is Magic has done this well with keeping their main location (The Foster House, Danville, Ponyville, etc.) as their central hubworld for casual stories with a venture outside of them from time to time. I would’ve been okay with Beach City being the spot for Steven and his limitless squad to grow together like Rebecca intended at first. Then I’m reminded that there’s an world expanding story in this, with bigger consequences and threaded arcs, and I’m stuck between investing in the many things they give me, complaining towards full episodes that add up to nothing and went nowhere special, and whining about the lack of reruns it gets on TV compared to Teen Titans GO.

Bottom line, you had/have your comic series to commit to your slice of life genre instead of trying to keep it in the show.

Now, I’m at a disadvantage here. If I want to talk about the actual “SCIENCE FANTASY WORLD BUILDING”, then I’ll have to talk about the Crystal Gems’ involvement in them and I can’t really do that. Luckily, I don’t have to, for SU has unintentionally played itself: when it comes to the Gem oriented locations outside Beach City, they tell but never really show. And turns out I don’t need Link’s example, but Samus Aran’s. Namely, her universe in the Metroid Prime series.

A key element to world building is the control and fun in exploration where you find and somewhat interact with aspects of an environment’s purpose and history while you’re on the go, giving the place more of an identity. Metroid Prime does this well where you journey through different parts of the Galaxy and with your scan visor, you can catalog and figure out the intricacies of the settings, the enemies within them, and info that seem trivial at first, but can offer much in progressing ahead in the game. Note the example before you…

And don’t stare deep into Samus’s blue eyes

Sure it’s an optional part of the game, and you can still trek on with or without having to continuously research the world’s lore, but it offers that versatility where you’re well in control in how to experience the game. Then again, this is a video game, where your skill in figuring things out is the only way to progress anything. What cartoon has this similar level of versatility? I mean, what else?

What else?

Gravity Falls may have stayed in one place, but it gives the characters and audience so much to explore and theorize on. They don’t tackle “everything” the world might have offered (bigfoot), but still give you so much to look out for without ever holding your hand or giving a cliffnotes version on a mystery of theirs. Hell, the fandom was hollering on Tumblr over predicting one of the show’s biggest mysteries being confirmed long before it aired. Hirsh didn’t just give those theory nuts what they wanted, his crew eased us in on how the narrative is taking a turn to someplace different and new without really forcing it on everybody. There was still that enjoyable sense of control that resonated in both the show’s direction and the audience’s experience.

I mean come on, this just oozes the moment of truth

Don’t get me wrong. The crewniverse offer very interesting locations and things that resonate with Gem stuff. My final problem with this is that when I think they might utilize these different places and things, they hold back to sharing but a glimpse of anything the show has plenty of utilizing potential for. Like…

Could this control room present more information about Homeworld’s plans for the gems than just the Cluster? “Probably not, it fulfilled its purpose. Let’s move on.”

What about these drills? Could we personally see how one works, like accidentally reactivate it to see how it functions? “Nah, they’re all dead. Let’s move on.”

Or what about the holes? Could we have some kind of flashback depicting how a gem leaps out the ground? “Nope.” Not even the off col- “NOPE.”

What’s that supposed to be? Is it something important to Homeworld? “We’ll get to that later. Let’s move on.”

Man, this place looks cool. Connie might consider this since she handles weapons and might want something new, like armor or throwing weapons. “Look man, this tour is scheduled. You’ve seen it, we’ll get back to it later. Moving right along.” This tour sucks. “You paid for it, my friend.”

Egoraptor said it best: I’m not witnessing an adventure, I’m a guest at their theme park. This is Kingdom Hearts levels of dragging it along, and I know… “But Monkey Network, they might come back to all that stuff soon. It’s called foreshadowing, you whiner.” To that, I say HA! There’s a huge difference between foreshadowing and giving us cameos. And that is in...

PRESENTATION!

Long story short, if it’s subtle and holds a threatening or vague presence, THAT’s foreshadowing. If it’s already out in the open and is not given a lot of screentime or detail, that’s cameo-ing and waiting for more. The last thing a show should do is hold back and have its audience wait like shoving a secret box in our face, and that’s all Steven Universe has been doing. That’s why so many rant about what’s filler or not. That’s why so many theorize on the most reaching of details. That’s why people proudly growl at what could be the crew’s simple decisions. Because when everything must come back to Beach City, post “Full Disclosure”, exploration can be limited, detail can be limited, and it’ll be up to the audience to speculate/construct the world-building for themselves, making the control and experience for the show feel one sided, therefore UNFAIR.

Like I said, the things I’ve seen offer so much to think about, but Rebecca Sugar sack could’ve done better with presenting them in a better light than a dim mode. The fate of Steven Universe’s future is a mystery to me, and I don’t know what they’re gonna cram in season 5 this fall. All I know is MJ (or Mystery Girl) is fine as fuck and we’re all gonna get something good eventually. My man Ian Jones-Quartey said good world building takes time, and they sure are taking their time.

POINT #4 - THE REPRESENTATION:

Representation in media can be easy when the right writers are at the helm to present (not push) a message of acceptance and acknowledgement towards an audience that may or may not feel the same way. It takes different strokes to rule the world, after all. However, when it comes to character in general, there are two factors in characterization that when used correctly can appeal their message of acceptance for their audience. One, visual acknowledgement of the representing characters (POC, LGBT, belief, etc.) in question and two, giving the subjects good quality participation to show that they are just as adept to the world as any other without phoning in the fact that they are this or that. Long story short, make ‘em good characters and the representation can earn the audience’s respect for itself. Steven U lacks this too, and this comes from them often showing us stuff and expecting us to just go with it, with themes that are enough just to get by fans. Hell, they show us as much as a drive by…

Not even a cool one at that, fresh

I’ll say this to start off: Lars Barriga (my neega) was a stagnant and frustrating character to deal with; nobody in Beach City moved him in any way (not even his own supporting parents), and the writers just shotgunned him growth (more than once) after he basically had to cheat death (more than once) to gain a better conscience. It’s like they wanted to call him a lost cause but had to hook him back in some way for the audience to not deem him a lost cause. So with all due respect, does it matter that he’s Filipino or a trans boy when nothing valuable or thoughtful has come from him especially? Those trivial tidbits can mostly come off as add ons or secondary nods, when they should’ve been welcomed knowledge about his character. Want an good example? Look to the comic series Lumberjanes, especially issues 14-17 and 28. SPOILERS, though…

They did this right for characters Jo and Barney (Jo’s the one in the 2nd panel, Barney’s in the first). They already established these two as well defined characters that make mistakes but are willing to get shit done for their friends by any means. The dialogue above is when Barney is thinking about joining the girl oriented scouts even when he’s considered a boy scout, wondering where does he want to belong. Jo gives him reassurance that she herself felt the same and just wants Barney to assert himself with what he wants to be like she did. And when he does later on, he’s accepted without any forced gratification and the writers gracefully accommodate this to not only make him (now “them”) a good addition to the story’s world, but a welcoming new perspective.

The representation is therefore earned, not just shown off

Now I’d talk further on other characters like Lars, but that would be singing the same beats as my previous piece on world building and would spoil notes on the final 2 parts I’m working on now. Instead, the gems are another reason why the rep-pres-sen-tation in SU is nothing but small fractured penny in the gold mine that is anything else going on, with fusion diminishing the relationship representation of Steven U; however you may see it. Now excuse me… this is the hardest part of my job.

Criticizing love

Garnet is not a good embodiment of Ruby and Sapphire’s love; Ruby and Sapphire is. I would love to see Ruby and Sapphire being together and showing me why they decided to elope, but I can’t because Garnet is a curtain that metaphorically and literally covers said love from having anything more to say than “HELL YEAH WE LOVE EACH OTHER!”. You could say ‘Keystone Motel’offered some adversity for the two, but knowing Steven U, it didn’t feel like much beyond me knowing they’re getting back together in the end because they love each other and they just go back to being Garnet because she’s the personification of their love and such.

Fusion is something I have a disdain for now because they’re exchanging two characters’ development of united growth for basically an entirely new/different character, that don’t have much screen time or development anyways (vice versa in Flourite’s case). You could say ‘Know your Fusion’ presented an evolution for Smokey Quartz, among the other known fusions, to being more than a versatile fighter, but not really no. We were already aware that Steven and Amethyst were acknowledged sad sacks before they fused, so what else does this fusion offer differently than in their ability? As for Sardonyx, she hasn’t changed from her first cameo awhile back and her vanity was the only thing that made her stand out in said episode. All in all, fusion doesn’t reflect a relationship, no matter how hard Rebecca Suge Knight is saying otherwise, it reflects an aftermath; one that’s in and out as a firework. This and up ‘til now, the real couples we see are pretty general or under the rug. To show how the most mentioned and presented couple in the series, RubyXSapphire, has continuously got the shaft, I present the one dynamic you’d least expect: A boy and his stuffed toy.

My personally favorite example so far.

Calvin and Hobbes is a series about boy Calvin and his stuffed tiger Hobbes that comes to life through Calvin’s imagination. Reality is like Garnet in this case, where it’s just Calvin having his stuffed animal around to get into zany hijinks like any other kid his age. Then again, the imagination or the living Hobbes is whom is given more of a focus, allowing their dynamic to bloom in a way that wouldn’t be understood if we just saw Calvin just talking to his toy the whole time. It makes their bond feel real and that’s what RubyxSapphire should be, giving them the floor in a way that adds up to Garnet’s eventual debut. “But Monkey Network, what about ‘The Answer’?” The Answer is an episode that, while sweet and good looking, literally danced over much necessary development in favor of only showing us how they eventually stuck to being Garnet forever. Not saying Garnet doesn’t have any character herself, but her integral backstory was/is one of the most beloved and talked about in terms of relationships, yet little has actually been given to us beyond face value and basic understanding and the writers have generally avoid pressing this any further. In a way, that episode diminishes the representation of real queer relationships, bogging it down to early Disney romances like Snow White’s, and practically blindfolds us about what we want to see vs what we should be seeing.

And I already got cute girls not kissing last year. It’s the current fucking year

I would talk about all the other canonning “ships” but nothing comes to mind other than the gems are getting along better than before, Mystery Girl is still fine as fuck, Steven and Connie are bound to elope since it’s been presented since the beginning, Lapis and Peridot get along as college roommates, Lapis might still have issues after Malachite happened, Jasper regrets nothing, Topaz sounds cool from the little we got of them, and everything has amounts to having a sob story and/or a recollection of thoughts just to say “Hey, we’re good together”. They implicitly share infatuation and good vibes to each other, but nothing to say their themes of LGBT, relationships, and characterization are groundbreaking. The latter I’ll get to next time. I mean anybody can put effort into writing a genuine romance novel, though it takes more effort to push the romance to challenging means without leaving skeptics at the door, something Sugar has been very casual about and is starting to openly show in the show. That and tears. Because you know what they say, open emotions are better than emotional maturity. Isn’t that right, TV?

Don’t get me wrong. Rebecca Sugarbark is out here doing her darndest as…

CARTOON. NETWORK’S. FIRST. FEMALE. ANIMATED. SERIES. CREATOR!

and when she does themes right, the show provides some good things to think about. But when she muddles them up or casually throws them in, especially when these themes come from the different aspects of what makes a person different yet real, it is unforgivable. And when people of all ages are watching this, thinking with their living ideologies about what could be used to think differently? This makes for a very risky tightrope that can lead to either people taking it appropriately or blindly, good and bad alike. I can only hope that as the show goes on, there are less assumptions and implications from both the show and the audience alike and more assertions and certainty that elements like representation of any kind are brought to a more applied approach than a glanced approach.

AND STEVEN - POINT #5:

What makes a great character? Charm? Growth? Badassery? Nah, it’s the struggle son. To cheaply quote Pixar: “You admire a character more for trying more than for their successes.” And while Steven does try, does he really fail? Let’s look back. He has three skillful and powerful guardians that care for him. He has a father who is filthy rich (’member that). He has a sweet ass pad. Everyone that knows him likes/respects him. He has powers retained from his mother. He has a lion for a pet. He redeemed/helped three of what were once his enemies. He has a best friend that joins in the action with a sword. He clearly has the capable knowledge of reaching out to anyone. He’s outdone death more than once. He’s practically invulnerable (see “Steven vs. Amethyst”). Everyone that doesn’t like him could eventually see his way with good convincing and a middle road to come to (except Kevin). While there are things he needs to do and characters that’ll he have to confront sooner or later, I’ve started to think less of how he’ll succeed and more of when he’ll succeed. I’m thinking less of who he is and more of what he is. Here’s what I mean…

I don’t see Star Butterfly as an upbeat, independent, cocky, and enduring magical princess who loves rainbows and puppies and struggles to balance fun, romance, and responsibility in one go. I see an up and coming teenage princess that’ll defeat all the evil, hook up with her friend Marco, and claim the title of Mewni’s Queen while doing it all her way.

And I don’t see the JoJo bloodline as a group of distinct protagonists that have their own goals and passions all the while seeking justice against the evil that surrounds them. I see the main characters of 8 different parts that have the ability to defeat the final enemy at the end.

It’s the “Man of Steel” effect; when you do nothing but show how Steven is becoming like or better than Rose, it takes away from letting Steven see who he really is and wants to be. Season one did Steven good (begrudging to say, I know) where he was devious, self-centered, and oblivious but basically was a goofball kid with a good heart; like Ash Williams from Evil Dead. Halfway in and they basically took that away in favor of him just being the pacifistic hippie boy scout that doesn’t want to do wrong or hurt anybody and wants to be a better version of his mama and… and…zzzzzzz. Yeah, I don’t know how to put this, but Steven is now as good of a main character as a sheet of paper. Like, on paper he had potential, but as paper he’s pretty ineffective.

Hell, even paper can show you wonders

“But Monkey Network, he’s a character that goes through many hardships and has a lot on his mind and is going through plenty like most people.” Yes he is, but he’s really done nothing to better himself. “Mindful Education” brings this up, but immediately sweeps it clean in favor of a song about trauma (ironic) and giving Connie more of the floor. And “Storm in the Room” perfectly captures how flat his guilt complex really is…

This episode could’ve given Steven a better perspective on what he wants to be, how he should see Rose, and how things in his life will change from that point on. No, it amounted to saying Rose wasn’t in the wrong for anything (clearly a lie) and Steven being basically gaslighted to believe that he’ll be around to fix what she didn’t do herself, never stating how he should go about doing so. He has guilt and unsure regrets, and yet now nothing feels like things for him are getting any better through his efforts. Knowing that he’s basically Jesus, I am stunned I don’t see him curing every ill-ridden human on the planet and is instead trying to make peace with everything that wants him dead. Also, if I wanted a show that mirrors the possible regret and turmoil I force myself to suffer with everyday, weed and a literal mirror would create a similar effect. And all this leads to–

“But Monkey Network, he’s at least a pacifist who tries. He only wants to share peace and enlightenment to everyone he meets and that includes those who are trying to defeat them.” True, but there is something called “being pushed to a limit”. Yeah I see Steven stand up for himself while choosing not to hit anybody, but there are some people that don’t deserve anything but a good blow to the face. We see Steven get angry and mean, but has he really been pushed to a limit?

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Mob Psycho 100 (Ep. 3) A limit that, while possessing regretting, let’s one know they can be a force to be reckoned with?

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Trigun: Badlands Rumble A limit that forces them to take immense action without breaking their code of pacifistic honor?

I mean there’s being a pacifist, and there’s being an peaceful spouting wimp I can whup easily before somebody beats me up to stop it. The point of having pacifism in a show is the counterpoint where that ideology’s being tested and momentous reactions result from it. Yeah, he showed sheer ire towards Kevin in that one episode but that was it, and that was a one off excursion with the only irredeemable character in the series. Now I know violence is not always the answer and this isn’t suppose to be a violent show, whatever, but violence is present more than enough times in this show. So I must topically ask, what was stopping Steven from five knuckle shuffling Aquamarine when he clearly had the chance to, freeing his friends and getting the chance to escape their clutches? There’s the peaceful route, and there’s showing us nothing.

Boy must have a weak ass jab

“But Monkey Network, he has development and growth with this being a coming-of-age story.” True dat, but to an extent. I’ve noticed that when it comes to Steven Universe’s development, everyone is given development with Steven tagging behind. Connie, Amethyst, Pearl, Peridot, Lapis, Lars, you see them learning and growing on the front lines, but Steven’s been kinda consistent wouldn’t you say? I mean, he does grow in seeing many different perspectives, but does he really grow with the said varied perspectives or does he just acknowledge them while doing his usual helping routine to try making things better? You know who is a better main character than Steven? Well….

You could get with this^Or you could get with thatv

Wouldn’t you agree? They’re forced to look out of their comfort zone, they make mistakes but see to getting back up, they grow to understand how this new world works and take it to heart, they’re not mopey little shits and constantly take initiative, still having a lot to learn, and I find their voices less annoying than Steven’s. Okay, that last part is a preference but still.

I’ll say Steven’s a fine protagonist, but he’s a boring protagonist to sum it up. Nothing about him makes me want to care anymore and while I look towards new episodes, all I can do now is tolerate him. They could do better with season 5 upping the ante, but at this point I’m more invested in the world of Steven Universe than Steven himself, and that is sad. You know your cartoon is crumbling where your world generally revolves around the main character and said MAIN CHARACTER is whack! Rebecca Sugar Schnapps and her crew just better git good this season; because it can look good and sound good as long as it wants, but it needs to feel good to be a real show, you feel me?

And that’s my Troof. The whole and nothing but. Thank you <3 Roy M.

#steven universe #su #su critical #su criticism #su critique #SU Crit #anime #cartoons #analysis #reviews #long post #the full shebang #Roy Macintosh #Good Stuff #ye #awesome

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10 Movies To Watch If You Liked The Halloween Reboot | ScreenRant

A few years ago if you had asked anyone about Halloween they probably would have said it was a classic but worn out horror movie franchise that wasn't particularly relevant to the horror scene today. But that was before the Halloween reboot came out. The Halloween reboot followed the story of now-grandma Laurie Strode and her endless battle against the terrifying Michael Myers, and if it's box office success is anything to go by then it single handedly rescued this flailing franchise.

RELATED: 10 Horror Movies To Watch If You Like Saw

The Halloween reboot definitely has it's roots in the original Halloween but also feels like a somewhat different animal than the many Halloween sequels. This is a Halloween for a new era, and it's a movie that is earning the entire franchise a legion of new fans. So if you can count yourself as a new (or maybe an old!) Halloween fan, then here's ten movies you need to add to your watch list.

10 Halloween: H20

Halloween is such a popular horror movie franchise that if someone wanted to recommend movies to watch if they liked the Halloween reboot then they could probably make up a list entirely consisting of Halloween sequels. However, some entries into the Halloween franchise are more relevant to the reboot than others. This latest installment saw Laurie Strode demolish Michael Myers, and Halloween: H20 has a pretty similar overall story and theme. In this iteration Laurie Strode is protecting her son instead of her daughter, but seeing Jamie Lee Curtis back in action once again makes H20 worth the watch on it's own.

9 Carrie

If anyone is a fan of Halloween then it's likely because they either love Laurie Strode or they love Michael Myers, so why not watch a movie where you kind of get a two for one deal? In Brian de Palma's film adaptation of the Stephen King novel Carrie, Sissy Spacek plays the titular character of Carrie White. Carrie is a generally sweet outcast who is abused by her ultra-religious mother (played masterfully by Piper Laurie), and she discovers that she has telekinetic powers. Carrie ultimately winds up becoming the villain of the piece, but if you like scary girls then Carrie is must see TV.

8 Scream

Film making can be a somewhat cannibalistic industry, most filmmakers love to draw inspiration from other materials and reinterpret it in their own special way. Horror tends to be an especially self referencing genre, and there is no film that is more intentionally, gleefully referential than Scream.

RELATED: 10 Pre-Star Wars Sci-Fi Movies That Are Still Worth Watching

Writer Kevin Williamson clearly adores classic horror movies like Halloween, because Scream draws from all of those classics and puts a fun and modern twist on it. And if the references to horror classics weren't obvious enough, the characters of Scream actually watch Halloween in one scene and Randy, the self appointed horror movie expert, explains all of the rules of horror movies as they watch along.

7 The Silence Of The Lambs

The dynamic of the innocent young woman versus the terrifying male villain is a dynamic that has played out in horror films an incalculable number of times, but one particularly impressive interpretation of that is The Silence of the Lambs. The Silence of the Lambs is such a good film that many people wouldn't even think of it as a traditional horror film, but any movie with a lead character colloquially known as "Hannibal the cannibal" clearly belongs on the horror movie shelf. Hannibal is the real star of this film, but FBI ingenue Clarice Starling makes for a very formidable opponent.

6 Alien

When it comes to horror and thriller films, the fear of the unknown expresses itself in a lot of different ways. Often times it's in a literal manifestation of the unknown or unknowable, and in the instance of Halloween it's a silent, blank faced man who's single-minded goal is carnage.

RELATED: 10 Great Movies To Watch After Binging Stranger Things

But in Ridley Scott's Alien it takes the form of a literal alien life form that destroys all of the humans in it's wake. And much like in Halloween, one shockingly tough lady is what ultimately comes between this unknown force and the destruction of all of the other people this being wants to harm.

5 Ginger Snaps

Women in danger is one of the most popular recurring themes in horror films, and horror film creators always manage to find different ways to put a new spin on that theme. With the Halloween reboot, it's obvious that Laurie Strode has transformed herself from a scared girl into a warrior. And in the movie Ginger Snaps, a teenage girl finds herself transformed from the innocent girl into the actual monster. Ginger Snaps is a werewolf movie that is clearly meant as an allegory for the scarier aspects of the teenage girl experience, and it's a brilliant movie for anyone who is a fan of the Halloween reboot.

4 The Descent

The entirety of the Halloween franchise has ostensibly been about Michael Myers, but the best bits of the Halloween series have always been about Laurie Strode. Laurie Strode transformed from the classic last girl standing into a formidable warrior woman. And if anyone enjoyed a movie about a formidable warrior woman, then why not multiply the amount of badass chicks to make a movie even better? The Descent is a terrifying movie about a group of besties who go spelunking and run into some seriously dangerous and scary monsters in the cave they're exploring. It's a horror movie, so obviously not everyone survives, but that makes the adventure all the more thrilling.

3 You're Next

The Halloween reboot centers around Laurie Strode, her estranged daughter, and her granddaughter, but is it possible that Laurie had another estranged daughter that she just forgot to mention in this movie? Because if she does, then that girl is named Erin and she's the protagonist in the movie You're Next.

RELATED: 10 Cerebral Action Movies To Watch If You Like The Matrix

You're Next is a movie about a home invasion where one of those home's residents was raised by survivalists and happens to be exceptionally capable of handling a gang of masked murderers. And even if Erin's last name isn't Strode, she would undoubtedly fit right into the Halloween reboot family.

2 The Texas Chainsaw Massacre

The Halloween film franchise is one of the most beloved, well known, and successful horror franchises in movie history. But if you're looking for a movie that feels like what Halloween would be if it happened in real life, then The Texas Chainsaw Massacre is one you need to add to your watch list, pronto. Tobe Hooper's The Texas Chainsaw Massacre is one horror movie that even the most hardened watchers will feel unsettled by, and the ultra-realistic feel of the film is what has made it into the enduring classic that it has become in the intervening years since it's original release.

1 Halloween

This seems like a given, but if you're a huge fan of the Halloween reboot then there is no better place to start than with the OG. Any horror fan worth their salt has probably already seen Halloween before, but the reboot was a smashing success and it's a near guarantee that at least a few people who saw the new Halloween didn't catch the original. It's a horror classic for a reason, and after seeing the ultra badass Jamie Lee Curtis kick Michael's ass for good in the reboot it's fascinating and thrilling to go back and see the scared teenage version of Laurie Strode.

NEXT: 10 B-Rate Horror Movies From The 80s Everyone Needs To Watch

source https://screenrant.com/movies-watch-liked-halloween-reboot/

#screenrant

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operationrainfall · 6 years ago

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At the start of this week, I didn’t expect this to be a very exciting Smashing Saturdays. Sure, it would have the usual fun stuff, but nothing truly game-breaking. But then they announced a Nintendo Direct on Thursday, and boy did it deliver! So this is a special Smashing Saturdays, and it will gloss over the cool stuff revealed in the Direct, as well as having the usual character profiles, stage bios, music and more. So let’s get started with the stuff that happened prior to Thursday’s revelations.

While I’m not great playing as either Samus, I’m quite glad Zero Suit Samus is allowed to share the spotlight with her usual armored self. She’s as deadly as she is sexy, and in the right hands she is a devastating force of nature. Few brawlers are as acrobatic, fast or cruel as ZSS, and though it was cool watching Samus alternate between both versions, I’m glad they’re separate entities now. It was a bit too powerful to have strength and speed in the same package. Having said that, I’m more than ready to get my ass kicked by her in Ultimate.

I know, I know, they told us every stage was in Ultimate, but I’m still a little surprised Living Room made the cut. Not cause I hate it. It’s an adorable little stage, with the puppies and kittens frolicking about. What’s less cute is when I get beaned by falling blocks. Those selfsame objects can make it hard to smash foes off the screen, but I guess it’s not the worst stage. That would be a tie between Pac-Man’s stage and Balloon Fight. I can take adorable animals and blocks over those chaotic stages any day.

I like to make fun of Rosalina on a pretty regular basis. I call her things like Emo Peach and mock her as being a crappy divine entity in the Mario universe. But that’s mostly cover for my respect for how overwhelming of a force she can be in Smash Bros. She plays very distinctly from Peach, and definitely requires a lot of practice to master. But once you get a handle on using the Luma, she’s actually pretty fun. Though I didn’t play her much on my 3DS, lately I’ve had some decent luck using her. So maybe I will actually enjoy using Rosalina and Luma in Ultimate.

HOLY KRAPTRAP!!!

We all learned to respect the Klaptrap in the Jungle Japes stage. There’s few things as irritating as being dragged to a watery grave by the big mouthed Kremling. And now, he’s an Assist Trophy. Though this version won’t drag you to your death, he will chomp the crap out of anyone unlucky enough to get gobbled. Now, let’s move onto a quick recap of the fun stuff from the Direct!

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The Direct started with the reveal that Ken is coming to the game as an Echo of Ryu. Not surprising, also not that exciting. But then they revealed a new playable pokémon in Incineroar. I’m quite excited for the fiery cat luchador. He looks to play completely differently from Greninja, whom I detest playing, and looks utterly fierce. The fact he confidently poses when he damages foes is just beautiful. That wasn’t all, though, as they also confirmed that the roster of the game will be 75, and that we’re getting 5 DLC sets into 2020 with a new character, stage and music. The key thing to remember is that the 75th addition to the roster won’t be available until after Ultimate releases, and that’s a pretty strange character…

I’ve been saying for a while that I expected one more weirdo character in Smash Bros. Ultimate. And frankly, neither Ken nor Incineroar qualifies. But Piranha Plant certainly does! I was initially very confused by the reveal, but I wasn’t upset after seeing PP’s moveset. It looks to be a very tricky and unique fighter, spitting poison, shooting spike balls, lunging out of his pot and even using his leaves to helicopter around. Best of all is watching it crawl around inside his pot like a goofball. It shouldn’t work, but Sakurai is great at turning strange ideas into fascinating and playable concepts. The only downside is that Piranha Plant won’t be available until a couple months after the launch of Ultimate. But, if you register your game, you’ll get Bowser’s minion for absolutely free. Not a bad offer, considering the last time Sakurai tried something similar, we only got Mewtwo. Here’s hoping PP is much more functional and fun to play as.

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Less significant, but still cool, was that the Direct showed off some new Assist Trophies. The likes of Spring Man, one of the heroines from Maiden of Black Water, and even the devious Dr. Wily made the cut. Best of all, they confirmed that there will be 59 Assist Trophies in the game. I haven’t done a count of how many were revealed yet, but that’s still a great diversity of characters.

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Lastly, the Direct touched on the hidden mode that was previously glossed over by Sakurai. It’s none other than the Adventure mode, which is apparently called World of Light. It’s less story driven than Subspace Emissary, but it still looks quite cool. Some (angelic?) force has turned all the characters in the game back into statues, and morphed the other characters from their respective series into Spirits. These Spirits then possess the captured heroes, with one exception. Kirby escapes, and sets out to free his friends and defeat the force that caused so much chaos. As for how the mode plays out, it’s much more combat oriented than what we got in the 3DS and Wii U versions, which I’m happy about. The Spirits seem to replace the Trophies from the other games, though they also have a combat utility. You can equip Primary and Secondary Spirits to your character to empower them and give them various bonuses. When you fight your friends, you’ll need to satisfy special requirements to defeat them, and then try to capture their malevolent Spirit puppeteer. It all sounds fantastic to me, and I feel I’ll spend much more time in this Adventure mode than in previous ones.

A couple more updates before we move onto our Most Wanted Brawler this week. Both are Pokémon related. First, we have a new song from the series coming to Ultimate. It’s none other than Battle! (Wild Pokémon) from Pokémon Sun and Moon. It’s composed by Hiroyuki Kawada. The song is incredibly upbeat and cheerful, so it should make for interesting background noise.

Though I already touched upon Incineroar earlier, I felt we might as well post his awesome trailer! The feline champion hits hard, and uses his iconic moves Darkest Lariat, Cross Chop and Revenge, as well as another unnamed move where he tosses foes into the ropes and pile drives them. For his Final Smash, he activates his Z-Power and takes his foes into the ring with a devastating Max Malicious Moonsault. Though I haven’t had much success with other Pokémon brawlers, I’m going to enjoy learning to master Incineroar.

Now, don’t leave yet! I still have more for you in the form of a new Most Wanted Brawler this week.

Most Wanted Brawler Dixie Kong

I’m sure some thought I would no longer do the Most Wanted Brawler segment now that the 75 player roster has been revealed. But you know what? There’s still 5 unknown DLC characters on the horizon, so hopefully I’ll manage to speculate who one of those will end up being! After all, I kind of predicted K. Rool and Ridley, so anything is possible. And since King K. Rool just made it onto the roster, why not another character from the Donkey Kong series? Though I enjoy both Donkey and Diddy Kong, Dixie is just as important to the series. After all, she headlined a couple of her own games on the SNES.

Dixie is known for her golden locks, so it stands to reason her moveset would be based around them. For her Up B Special, she would hover upwards like a simian helicopter, slashing anybody in her path, then be able to gently hover towards the ground. For her Side B, I could see her grabbing items or characters with her ponytail, then hurl them to shatter on the ground. For her Neutral B, I could see her using her own Popgun to shoot bubblegum, like in Tropical Freeze. And for her Down B, perhaps she could twirl her locks in front of her face, deflecting projectiles. As for her Final Smash, I see it taking a page from Donkey Kong Country 3, and having Dixie team up with Kiddy Kong to put the hurt on foes. He could hurl her like a cannonball, then jump up and smash down on foes’ heads, and finally both Kongs would tag team their opponent into submission. I really think Dixie Kong could make the cut as a DLC character for Ultimate, and hope I’m right. We need more a bit more gender diversity in Smash Bros., and she provides the perfect opportunity.

Thanks as always for joining us today for Smashing Saturdays! We still have a few weeks left before the release of Ultimate, and will probably conclude that week. However there’s still a chance we’ll return to cover the upcoming DLC characters, so stay tuned to oprainfall!

Smashing Saturdays! Week 72: October 29-November 3, 2018 At the start of this week, I didn't expect this to be a very exciting Smashing Saturdays.

#2018 #Battle! song #Incineroar #Klaptrap #Living Room #Nintendo Direct #October 29-November 3 #oprainfall #Rosalina & Luma #Smashing Saturdays #Zero Suit Samus

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jumpsitehq · 6 years ago

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100+ [INSPIRATIONAL] Positive Quotes and Sayings About Happiness

This collection of Positive quotes is about relieving that deficit. There is enough negativity in our world. We are bombarded with it constantly every day. Negativity in the news, politics, television, at work and in our lives. We also have a great collection of Monday Quotes.

Positive Quotes and Sayings About Happiness

1. “Love like you’ve never been hurt before, sing like there is not another soul in the room and live like you’re in the midst of heaven.” 2. “Happiness is the most important thing in life – it is everything.” 3. “Happiness may close its doors, but the doors will reopen shortly.” 4. “Goals are what you tether your happiness to – not people or materials.” 5. “What you say, what you think and what you do in harmony is what defines happiness.” 6. “Imperfection is beauty and madness is true genius.” 7. “Live as if everything that happens to you is a miracle.” 8. “Don’t live for someone else, your time is limited. Dogma only traps you. Opinions are noise that drown out your inner voice.” 9. “Courage to follow your heart allows you to become who you’re truly meant to be.” 10. “Yesterday is history and tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift from God.” 11. “Don’t go on the path that others have traversed. Go on the untraveled path and make your own trail.” 12. “Happiness never decreases by being shared.” 13. “Happiness means that we must not be concerned with the thoughts of others.” 14. “We believe that we seize the moment, but the moments that seize us are the most important.” 15. “The day may be long and hard, but you will surpass all obstacles.” 16. “There are times in your life when you may feel lost, but keep your head up and everything will turn out fine.” 17. “There are 365 days in the year, don’t dwell on them all or you risk becoming lost in what could have been.” 18. “Why dwell on the past and not build on your future?” 19. “You can only learn from the mistakes of the past – not change them.” 20. “Everyone that has ever made a mistake has wanted to go back in time, but the true lesson is how you live after you’ve made a mistake.”

21. “Positivity is like the plague; it is contagious.” 22. “When you look into the stars, don’t view them as they are; view them as sparkles of heaven.” 23. “Apprehension makes us suffer more than reality.” 24. “Love is a beautiful miracle. Love teaches us that the happiness of another person is essential to our own happiness.” 25. “Never plan for results if you want to be happy; only plan to take action.” 26. “The only way to find happiness is to begin.” 27. “Happiness and positivity are like a seed that falls in the soil; they grow a little each day until they become overwhelming.” 28. “Some people causes happiness when they enter a room, while others cause happiness when they leave a room.” 29. “If you enjoy the time you’re wasting, it is not wasted time at all.” 30. “Happiness is the key to success, yet success is not the key to happiness.” 31. “Love everything you do and positivity will flow out of it.” 32. “What depends upon ourselves? Happiness, sadness, love and positivity – everything that is important in life.” 33. “Being miserable is only a mere thought that takes away happiness.” 34. “Life is too short; life is too precious; life is too filled with things you never get to do, so make sure you do what is most important in life.” 35. “You can procrastinate another day, so life today like it is your last.” 36. “Our lives are all very different, yet all the same. We all have the same struggles, worries and fears.” 37. “Courage isn’t developed by days filled with happiness. It is developed by the struggles we surpass in life.” 38. “Facts come to us much too late for them to dictate happiness.” 39. “Living in the future or past will lead to a life of misery and uncertainty.” 40. “Never let someone be in control of your happiness if you ever want to be truly happy.”

41. “Happiness is wanting what you get, but success is getting what you truly want.” 42. “When you’re having a bad day, go up to someone else and try to cheer them up.” 43. “Life is a maze filled with obstacles and hardships, but they are all a part of the miracle of life.” 44. “A man who is fond of things he can’t have will always be unhappy.” 45. “Envy is the root of all unhappiness.” 46. “Having a few wants is true elegance.” 47. “Trying to be happy is a mere illusion. Stop trying, and you will have a good time in life.” 48. “Make up your mind to be happy, and you will find that the world will provide.” 49. “What is the meaning and purpose of life? Happiness. It is the goal and end of a human existence.” 50. “Enjoying the scenery of life while taking one of many detours is a beautiful thing.” 51. “Imagination, creativity and positivity all have one thing in common: they lead to the happiness of a person.” 52. “Joy is like a net of love that catches souls and warms the hearts of all those it touches.” 53. “Why stay in a world of misery and unhappiness when you can create a world of perfection and bliss?” 54. “It is not enough to say that you want to be happy; walk happy, talk happy and most importantly, be happy.” 55. “A hundred griefs can all be destroyed by a single moment of joy.” 56. “How can a man be alive when he has lost all of his happiness?” 57. “A man that is not happy is as useless as a breathing corpse.” 58. “Positivity cannot be found in thoughts of misery.” 59. “Men and women are meant to be together to find happiness and spur positivity with each breath that they take.” 60. “If you don’t learn to let go of the past, you will never find the key to true happiness.”

61. “What does one design for the present? Happiness. It is something you never want to postpone for the future.” 62. “The future is what you make it. If you think you’ll be unhappy, you will be unhappy.” 63. “Seeking happiness in the distance is the way of a fool. Happiness should grow as a person walks through life.” 64. “How much we enjoy the things we have is far more important than how much we have.” 65. “Happiness that takes us by surprise is what true happiness is all about. Planning for happiness only leads to disappointment, failure and living a life of a dreamer whose dreams never come true.” 66. “When happiness seems to evade you, take a moment to reevaluate your life’s path and find your true direction.” 67. “Happiness is like a thief in the night that sneaks through doors that we didn’t even know were open.” 68. “Mental attitude governs happiness – not external conditions.” 69. “Why stress over the days of the past when you have 24 long hours to make your own happiness.” 70. “Why would you think that happiness is only brought on by the sun when you can dance in the rain?” 71. “Rain, snow, sleet and sunshine should not be the root of your happiness.” 72. “If you count your age by the number of true friends you have, you will be in perpetual youth.” 73. “A bad day is like a flat tire: you won’t get too far by being sad.” 74. “If all you do is dwell on the day, you’ll find that happiness comes and goes without even realizing it.” 75. “Future is the downfall of man that thinks happiness will quickly follow.” 76. “Your life is your life; choose your actions wisely and honestly.” 77. “The most important thing to do in life is to enjoy yourself as each magical moment comes and goes.” 78. “We love others by the way that they make us feel.” 79. “Words are for the benefit of others, but happiness comes with the work you’re meant to do.” 80. “If it didn’t last forever, it doesn’t mean it wasn’t worth the experience.”

81. “Experience after experience are what make the world go round; make sure you experience as much as you can to truly be happy.” 82. “Happiness is different for every person, so don’t let someone else define what makes you happy today.” 83. “A certain set of attitudes leads to a happy person – not their circumstances.” 84. “Life isn’t defined by finding yourself; life is all about creating yourself.” 85. “Thirty years from now, you’ll be more disappointed by the things you never did than by the ones that you did do.” 86. “Each day shouldn’t be judged by the harvest, but by the seeds you have planted.” 87. “We see things the way that we are – not by the way things are.” 88. “Life will only love those back that love life.” 89. “Happiness is so hard to find because we find that the past was better than it was; the present is worse than it really is; and the future much brighter than it will ever be.” 90. “A journey starts with a single step no matter how far the journey may be.” 91. “What makes you feel alive? People who have become alive is what the world needs.” 92. “Life is an experiment that is rooted in the experiences – bad and good – that we have.” 93. “Never buy things you don’t want to impress others and you will be happier.” 94. “Walk a path to happiness instead of following a path where it has already been.” 95. “There is nothing we can do to avoid pain, but you never have to experience suffering if you choose not to.” 96. “There is only one certainty in life, and that is uncertainty.” 97. “People who are happy did not find it through a magical experience – they made the decision to finally be happy.” 98. “Living up to other people’s expectations is not what you are in this world to do.” 99. “Life can be nothing at all, but it can also be a daring adventure – it is up to you.” 100. “Why kiss ass once when you can kick ass all through life?”

101. “Before you buy anything, think of the amount of life you have had to exchange for it.” 102. “Silence is not happiness. Let your voice be heard, and inner happiness will be found.” 103. “The amount of breaths that we take is not nearly as important as the amount of breaths you’ve taken away.” 104. “Reputation is only a thought, but character is who you really are.” 105. “Learning to give love and accept love is the most important thing in life.” 106. “Happiness is a butterfly that eludes you when you chase it and comes around when you least expect it.” 107. “Tell yourself that you are beautiful until you finally believe it.” 108. “Things are created to be used, but people were created to be loved.” 109. “You don’t need to walk a thousand miles in another person’s shoes to sit down and listen to their hardships.” 110. “Happiness is a gift that you can pass on to others free of charge.” 111. “When you finally let positivity flow through your veins, you will find that the world is a much happier place to be.” 112. “Why would you ever decide to be unhappy because of something that was completely out of your control?” 113. “If you fall in love when you are lonely, you will be unhappy with the company.” 114. “Loving someone deeply is what gives you courage, while being deeply loved gives you strength.” 115. “When in doubt, choose to be loved – not unhappy.” 116. “Find all the barriers within yourself that you have created to keep love and happiness out to find solace.” 117. “You will be dead far longer than you are alive, so be sure to be happy while you’re still here.” 118. “Lovers don’t meet; lovers are inside of each other the whole time and arrive when they need each other most.” 119. “Looking beyond the imperfections is the moment that you find happiness.” 120. “Being positive and happy is sexy. Being sad, miserable and unhappy is a turn off.” 121. “You are here, you are alive. Why in the world would you ever choose to be unhappy?” 122. “If you never think you are worthy, you will never be able to find self-worth.” 123. “You don’t need a purpose, a goal or direction to find happiness.” 124. “Some days, life is hard – really hard – but going through the day with a positive outlook will ease the pain.” 125. “If you are going through hell, you have no other choice but to keep going.” 126. “There is never a moment that you can’t turn back and get a second chance.” 127. “When one door closes, another door will open, but most people miss it while focusing on their own unhappiness.” 128. “You have two options in life: try or don’t try.” 129. “What’s the difference between a person who is positive and a person who has lived in a world of sadness? The person that is sad has never learned how to let go of the past.” 130. “No matter how hard you try, you cannot live a life that is planned and expect everything to go accordingly.” 131. “Change is inevitable – there is nothing you can do to stop it from happening.” 132. “If you just sit there, you will be run over even if you are sitting on the right track.” 133. “If you only dread one day at a time, you are better off than the person that lives in the past.”

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hotfitnesstopics · 6 years ago

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“It’s a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step onto the road, and if you don’t keep your feet, there’s no knowing where you might be swept off to.” JRR Tolkien, The Lord of the Rings. I’m going to make a bet with you. By the end of today’s article, I bet I can convince you to say the following, “Damn Steve! Now I want to go hiking. FINE.” After all, Hiking is one of the greatest things you can do for your health, both mental and physical: It’s amazing way to get off your ass and explore your local surroundings. It requires next to nothing to get started. It’s a great bonding activity with friends, family, and significant others It’s a great date idea for the right person! You already have everything you need to get started. It’s free. As in, zero dollars. It’s a great reminder that this world in which we live is pretty amazing. Our community members love hiking too. In fact, one of our recent success stories specifically cited hiking as one of the fun activities she loved to do to help her lose 50 pounds. Today I’m going to teach you how to hike with a little help from our furry-footed friends. By the end of today’s post, my goal is convince you to have picked a trail, picked a date, and identified a fella or gal to join your fellowship (galship?). I took the above picture while hiking through Killarney National Park in Ireland many years ago, and every time I look at it, I couldn’t help but think of Tolkien’s middle-earth masterpiece, so I apologize (not really) for all of the Lord of the Rings nerdery running throughout this post! Let’s get you hiking. Hiking 101: How to Get Started With Hiking When you think of hiking, you might imagine a bunch of road-tested perma-travelers with oversized backpacks, hiking through epic mountains for weeks upon weeks at a time. Or maybe, a pair of hobbits setting out on a worldwide adventure to destroy a ring of awe-inspiring power. If you’re just beginning your journey to a better lifestyle, just thinking about serious hiking can be enough to keep you inside your comfy hobbit hole. Although hiking can an epic undertaking, it doesn’t need to be! It can also be super simple and fun: A quick jaunt (such a great word, right?) around your local park after work. Exploring the woods behind your house with your kids on a saturday morning. A half-day hike with your friends on a fun nature trail. A full day or overnight hike that also includes camping. Here’s my definition for hiking: A person (or self-aware robot) exploring their surroundings and their feet are on actual ground. Like, dirt. And grass. Some might say it needs to be difficult, have a certain elevation change, require a blah blah blah. It literally doesn’t matter. What matters is that you go outside and do something you wouldn’t have done otherwise. Here in the Nerd Fitness Rebellion, hikers would fall into the Adventurer class. If you’re looking for a fun “cardio” activity and want to exercise in a way that’s exciting, hiking is a great way to get your legs, feet, and body used to strenuous activity. You get to pick your speed and difficulty, you can always find a way the right amount of challenge for you. HIKING101: 5 STEPS TO PLAN OUT YOUR ADVENTURE 1) Decide how long you have to hike. This is a beginner’s guide to hiking, we’re not looking to hike the Appalachian Trail. Instead, we want to start with trails that can be done in less than a day, that won’t require you to pack a tent, or bring extra change of clothes. Pick a hike based on how much time you have – do you have the entire Sunday? Or do you just have a few hours on a Tuesday afternoon? It took Frodo and Sam 6 months to get to Mordor, but you probably don’t have that much time. However, if you DID want to “walk to Mordor,” I got you covered there too. You’re welcome! 2) Decide if you’ll be hiking solo or with a friend/group – I love hiking solo – it’s mobile meditation for me. However, it’s also more dangerous should anything happen while you’re out on the trail! If you’re heading into the wilderness, I’d recommend buddying up with a friend or your significant other for your hike. It’s the perfect bonding opportunity. This is especially true if they have more hiking experience or they know the area that you’re hiking in. 3) Determine your level – if you are a hiking newbie and horribly out of shape, sending yourself out on an eight hour hike through the unmapped wilderness is incredibly unintelligent. And as your mom has probably told you before, “I thought you were smarter than that.” Start slow, and pick places around your town that will allow you to stop when necessary and get back to your car or home quickly. No need to be a hero; it’s always better to come back excited and say “wow that was easier than I expected!” than to realize you’re six hours from home and out of steam. Well, being a hero is cool. But not THAT kind of hero. 4) Pick your hiking location – Keep it simple! Go to AllTrails.com, put in your zip code, find your hiking trail! Or pull up Google Maps and look for big green plots of land. We call those “parks.” Google the park name, learn about it, and decide if that’s where you want to go. Do not over complicate this step. Just get started. Ask your active, adventurous friends or coworkers if they know any good spots. The world is FULL of hiking trails and awesomeness – you just need to know where to look. 5) Regardless of where you are going, let somebody else know where are when – if you are out hiking alone, take the time to email or call somebody and let him know that you’ll be hiking and when you expect to be back. We don’t want to hear about any 127 Hours[1] stories on NF…that would make playing video games way more difficult. You don’t need to tell them the brand of your underwear (please tell me you’re wearing underwear) or how many almonds you’re bringing, but let them know the important details so if they don’t hear back from you by a certain time they know to alert the proper authorities. So right now, you should have answers to the following questions: How much time you can dedicate to hiking. Who you will be hiking with. Your level of experience Using AllTrails.com or GoogleMaps to pick your hiking location. Who you will tell about your hiking experience. HIking Footwear: What to Wear on your Feet Hiking! This is simple: stilettos, your favorite mini skirt, a fishnet halter top, and a vest made out of raw meat. You’re welcome! In all seriousness, I’m a big fan of being comfortable without breaking the bank. Like, you probably already have most of the clothing you need to go hiking. WHAT SHOES SHOULD I WEAR TO HIKE IN? We cover footwear extensively in our healthy feet article, but I’ll cover shoes specifically in the case of hiking here, but we at Nerd Fitness are huge fan of Merrell products – Merrell shoes of various types have treated me well for the past decade. Just don’t a lack of quality hiking boots keep you from a hike. If you’re concerned, pick an easy paced hike with your current shoes to be safe and ramp up when you can ramp up your gear! Some people hike the Appalachian Trail in their bare feet (must be part-Hobbit), so whatever you do: don’t let your footwear choice keep you from getting started. Just make sure you break your shoes in and take them on test drives! Don’t take the tags off a new pair of shoes and then go on a multi-day hike – that’s a recipe for blisters and a miserable time. Okay, let’s look at our feet. Now that we’ve done that, let’s look at some shoe options: LEVEL ONE: Hiking shoes – “hiking shoes” are great if you’re going to be doing simple day hikes or hiking occasionally: they have good grip on the bottom, give you enough support, but aren’t too heavy that they are a hindrance. Here are my favorite options if you in the market for some new hiking shoes: Merrell Vent Hiking Shoe Merrell Trail Glove 4 (Men) – I have the blue ones. They rock. Merrell Trail Glove 4 (women)Oh what’s that? “Steve I don’t have hiking shoes! Is this the end of the world?” Well, do you have any sort of athletic shoe? Depending on the grip on the bottom, they could be decently okay for you to get started with when it comes to a basic hike.If sneakers are your only option, lace em up, pick a beginner hike, and see how they do. Just be careful on slippery surfaces – your kicks might not give you the grip won’t give you the grip you need to get over them. LEVEL TWO – Hiking boots – I don’t hike enough or do enough multi-day hikes to justify the cost of hiking boots, but again I would point to Merrell boots if you’re in the market. “Why boots over shoes, Steve?” Although many prefer trail shoes (like yours truly), I can absolutely see the value in a great pair of hiking boots if you’re going on a serious hike, traveling for multiple days, or more. They have more ankle support, thicker tread, thicker shoes, and provide your feet with significantly more protection. REI has a great article helping you pick between Trail shoes and Trail boots. My advice? Start with what you currently have before deciding whether or not to invest in big boots. Once you build up the habit of hiking and decide you want to make it a bigger part of your life, you can make the investment. My advice? If you are going to buy boots, go to a professional store, get fitted properly, and then break them in over many weeks before going out on a trail. WEIRD BUT FUN FOR SIMPLE HIKES: Vibram FiveFingers – I hiked all around the globe, in various situations, wearing my Vibrams for close to 4 years. They made me feel like a ninja monkey, and a hobbit. I got weird looks, but something just felt right about being able to feel the contours of the ground beneath me. I will say, when hiking in Vibrams it can be easier to twist an ankle when stepping on a root or rock, stepping on sharp rocks can hurt, so I found myself watching my feet much more than expected. These days, I’m much more of a trail shoe kind of guy, but some still swear by Vibrams! If you’re in the market for buying new boots, this quick video is a good primer: WHAT SOCKS SHOULD YOU WEAR? If you’re wearing boots or sneakers, you want to wear socks that aren’t going to give you blisters or make your feet all sweaty and gross. Depending on how long the hike is, how serious you are about hiking, and your budget, you can look into merino-wool socks. Like the rest of your outfit, what you wear on your feet will largely be dependent on a few things: Weather! Are you hiking in the a forest and it’s 72 degrees out? Or are you hiking up the side of the mountain in cold conditions? Shoes! Are you in lightweight hiking shoes, lightweight hiking socks for the win. Hiking in big boots in cold months? Big thick warm socks are almost a requirement. Budget! Are you shopping for specific socks? Tall or short? Great. If you are brand new to hiking, just wear whatever athletic socks you wear while exercising. What’s the environment? If you’re hiking through grass, tall plants, etc. I’d go with tall socks (with your pants possibly tucked into them too). You’re not out there to win a fashion show! Here’s Switchback Travel’s best hiking socks of 2018, and here’s a great article from Art of Manliness on proper feet care after a hike or ruck! What to Wear While Hiking: Clothing SHOULD YOU WEAR PANTS OR SHORTS? Pro tip: Don’t go pantsless through the wilderness. I cannot stress this enough. The real advice when it comes to pants/shorts is heavily dependent upon your environment. If it’s going to be cold, shorts might keep you shivering. If it’s going to be hot, pants might get too uncomfortable. Jeans? Ehhhhh. Sure. ONLY if its going to be a comfortable temperature and you have no other option. Being sweaty and hot while wearing jeans isn’t very fun. I’m a big fan of my nerd pants – the Columbia Silver Ridge pants. Although they look kind of goofy, they’re incredibly light weight, dry quickly, and can transform from pants to shorts in mere seconds! Traveling through woods, not sure what you’ll encounter? Wear lightweight pants. I am horribly allergic to poison ivy and who knows what else, so I like to keep as much of my body covered while hiking to make sure I don’t make contact with anything I’m allergic to. [2] WHAT TYPE OF SHIRT SHOULD YOU WEAR? My favorite options are merino wool long shirts and t-shirts: they’re light, wick away moisture, hide odors, and breathe well – though you will be paying top dollar for them. If you’re just starting out, pick an old t-shirt and rock that – you can work on optimizing performance once you’ve got a few hikes under your belt. Shameless plug: the Nerd Fitness t-shirt does hold up quite well to wear and tear over long periods of time – I’ve been rocking my shirt in heavy rotation on lots of hikes for years. It can also withstand gamma rays and makes you invisible.[3] if you’re on a multi-day hike in various conditions then having lightweight merino wool shirts you can layer and not need to wash would be great. But just going for a hike in the woods in your back yard? Whatever you would wear while running, training, etc. Aka whatever won’t chafe! SHOULD YOU BRING A JACKET? I’ve been wearing this Mountain Hardware jacket on most of my hikes and it has been awesome (10 years and counting) – very lightweight so packing it isn’t a hassle, waterproof so it keeps me dry when it rains, and heavy enough to block the wind to keep me warm when it’s chilly. Don’t go out of your way to buy a new jacket if you have a decent wind breaker, but if you’re going to be doing a lot of hiking or you’re in the market for a new coat, here’s my advice: go to a local store and try out all of the jackets until you find one you like. Once you find the perfect jacket, go home and check online (you can sometimes find the same jacket for up to 60% less) – then, ask the local store if they’ll price match or just buy it online. SHOULD YOU WEAR A HAT? You should definitely bring a hat. I’m usually rocking my Nerd Fitness hat or my Red Sox hat (booo Yankees), but while hiking in Australia I wore a hat with a giant floppy brim to keep my ears and face protected from the sun. The tops of your ears and back of your neck are highly susceptible to getting burned while on the trail, so either get some sunscreen or wear a hat that keeps them covered. The same is true for keeping pesky things out of your hair, the sun from burning your ears and face, and keep you a bit cooler. WHAT KIND OF BACKPACK SHOULD YOU BRING? Digging into the ins and outs of backpacks is far beyond the scope of this article. I’d recommend you check out my friend Chase’s Bag Review Youtube channel – guaranteed to be the most fun you’ll ever have learning about bags. So what would I recommend for a beginner on a hike? The bag you currently have! If you’re going on a short hike, you can start with simply whatever bag you have. The lighter and more comfy it is, the better. Multi-day hikes where you’re living out of your bag, packing up and building a tent each day – this is beyond the scope of this article. I have rocked a Kelty Coyote bag that I’ve lived out of for months at a time, and have also used on multi-day hikes. If you have the means and the time, and you’re planning to go on certain hikes, go to a outdoor speciality store, speak with a professional, and get fitted for your body type and type of hike you’re doing! THE MORAL OF THE STORY: VERSATILITY If your weather forecast is “75 and sunny,” and you’re hiking for the afternoon through a gradually sloping wooded forest, you can severely limit what you’re bringing with you. If it’s questionable or looks like things might change during the day, versatility is your best bet – a jacket, pants that can become shorts, a long sleeve shirt that you can take off or roll the sleeves up, etc. Don’t go out and buy all new stuff until you’re sure hiking is an activity you want to invest in. Borrow from friends, make do with what you have Just get started. BY NOW YOU SHOULD HAVE A ROUGH IDEA OF WHAT YOU WILL BE WEARING! In your head you should be saying, “Steve how can you read my mind?! I just decided: I’d hike in my current gym sneakers. I have a pair of gardening pants and tall socks I can wear. I have a floppy hat. My new Nerd Fitness t-shirt. I feel like I’m good to go! Perfect. Get Your FREE Nerd Fitness Resource Kit 15 Fitness traps you should avoid Comprehensive beginner's guide to Paleo diet BONUS: How to level up your life and be the hero of your own story I identify as a: Woman Man How Much Water Should You Bring On Your Hike? If there’s ONE thing you should not leave home without, it’s a water container so you can stay hydrated. “How much water should I be drinking on my hike, Steve?” Great question. I knew you were smart from the moment you started reading this article. You should be drinking 1 liter of water every two hours as a rough guideline. Increase this amount if you are hiking in very warm/desert climates. FAVORITE WATER CONTAINERS: I’m partial to stainless steel bottles or aluminum bottles over Nalgene or reused plastic bottles, but make do with what you have. Make sure you bring enough water with you to keep you hydrated through your adventure. Going on longer hikes? Get yourself a hydration backpack (which can double as your hiking pack!) to transplant water more conveniently. Not only that, but make sure you have been consuming water before you go hiking so that you’re not starting at a hydration deficit. Hangovers + early morning hikes – water = bad news bears. Important Gear to Bring On Your Hike. If you’re just getting started, I’m going to guess you won’t be climbing to the top of a mountain in Alaska, but rather going on an introductory hike that will help build your confidence and get you rolling. Here’s what I’d recommend you bring with you on your adventure: Sunscreen – If it’s sunny outside and you’re hiking through the woods or up a mountain with a cool breeze in your face, you probably won’t be able to tell that your ears and face are getting absolutely torched. Get yourself some waterproof sweatproof sunscreen (SPF 30 minimum) to cover up those ears, cheeks, and back of your neck. Bug spray – especially if it’s “that time of the year” in your area where bugs are out in full force. Nothing worse than coming home to arms and legs covered in bug bites. First aid kit – Having some first aid stuff with you is a good idea: band-aids and moleskin for blisters and cuts, Neosporin or some type of disinfectant for cuts/scrapes, and maybe a bandage or two just in case. Outdoor stores sell travel first aid kits (as does Amazon), but I’d advise you to make your own (you should have these things in your medicine cabinet anyways – and then you’ll know exactly where everything is!). Pocket knife – Not essential if you’re in a park, but a good thing to have with you out in the woods so you’re prepared for anything. Like McGyver. Sunglasses – No need to go blind while out on the trail. You probably already have sunglasses floating around your house: I’d recommend bringing the $5 ones rather than $250 Ray-Bans. Cellphone – a phone can help bail you out in case of emergency, and if you have a smart phone it can multitask as your compass, distance tracker, mapper, and so on. Even if you have a cellphone, bringing a compass or GPS system isn’t a bad idea (unless it’s bright and sunny and you’re good at orienting yourself). If you’re going on a longer hike, bringing a lightweight phone charger that you can use to charge your phone up quickly is usually pretty easy. Great Hiking Snacks and FOod! FOOD! You know, the stuff that keeps us alive. The answer to this will vary greatly depending on how long you plan on hiking for, the time of day, your love of snacking, so the advice here is going to largely mirror the advice we give in our nutritional posts! Although by no means a complete list of snacks, this is usually what I like to pack in my bag before a hike: Nuts – Almonds or walnuts. Great for snacking on, loaded w/ healthy fat and protein. Nut butters are a good healthy fat option too – my favorite is trader Joe’s raw unsalted almond butter. Ingredient: almonds! They are high in calorie content however, so if you are trying to lose weight, don’t do a 10 minute walk and eat 4000 calories worth of nuts. We in the business like to call that “counterproductive.” Fruit – I throw two or three apples in my bag; apples and nuts mean I’ve pretty much got all of the fat, protein, and carbs I need for my day. Things like bananas, raisins, and other fruit are good options as well – pick based on your personal preference and tastes. Fruit (especially dried fruit) can have lots of sugar and calories, so don’t kid yourself into eating 5000 calories worth of dried fruit and call it healthy! Beef jerky! Make your own or go with some high quality store bought stuff. Lots of protein, easy to pack, and keeps well. Mmmmmm. What about trail mix or granola bars? You’d probably think granola bars and trail mix are synonymous with hiking, but I’m actually not a fan of either unless they’re homemade – these products are usually loaded with salt/sugar and processed grains and are pretty damn unhealthy. If you’re gonna go with trail mix, make your own with dried fruit and raw unsalted nuts. If you DON’T have other options, tossing a few granola bars in the bag isn’t the end of the world. More food advice here: Primal Trail Food A book (optional) – I LOVE READING (more than I love lowercase letters), so I always travel with my Kindle. Although hiking with friends can be fun, I also get a huge thrill out of hiking out to a remote location overlooking a valley or sitting on the edge of a river with a book so that I can spend a few hours getting lost in a story. If it’s a multi-day hike and you’re avoiding technology, then bringing a dead tree book is worth the extra weight in your bag! A camera (optional) – Although I have a camera that I travel with, most of the pictures I’ve been taking recently have been done with my iPhone using apps like Camera+ or ProHDR (which I freaking love). Both apps are worth the price. You don’t need to be a great photographer, just need to capture the moment to look back on fondly as a crotchety old grandpa. Obviously if you’re a serious photographer, you’ve already planned to pack your DSLR so I won’t get into that. Tips and Tricks **KNOW THE LOCAL WILDLIFE!** Do a quick search of your hike to know what sorts of critters you’ll encounter on the trail. If you are hiking in bear country or snake country, these are things it’s very important to know. Whether it’s carrying a can of bear mace or knowing what to look for, this can help you prevent serious problems. Also watch out for wild ostriches. **CLEAN UP, CHECK FOR TICKS** – if you’re in a heavily wooded area and carving through the wilderness, check yourself for ticks and make sure you take a shower with hot water and soap immediately when you get home in case you came in contact with any poisonous plants or things like that. I can’t tell you how many times I woke up with a swollen face as a kid because of my hike through poison ivy the day before. Aim for the high ground – I love hiking to tall things: the top of a mountain, the high point in a town, the roof of a building. It gives you a great halfway point to stop, eat some lunch or dinner, and enjoy the view; plus, you already know exactly how far you need to go on your way down. One piece of advice on going DOWN a steep mountain or a lot of steps: Shorten your stride, and take care to land on the balls of your feet with a bent knee if possible – if you’re landing on your heels for thousands of steps, it can wreak havoc on your knees and joints as there’s no shock absorption. I remember how sore my knees were the day after hiking down Colca Canyon in Peru with my buddy Cash because I didn’t make an effort to soften my steps and take care of my body. Urban Hiking – “But Steve I live in a city, I can’t go hiking!” Why the hell not? Load up your backpack, map out a route on Google maps, maybe even find a tall building – avoid the elevator, climb the steps. Or walk until you find a park, sit on a bench and read a book. Sure, it’s not the same as hiking the Rockies, but it will still get your heart pumping and feet moving! Like The Goonies teaches us, adventure can be found in your own backyard with the right attitude! Keep track of it – If you have an iPhone or Android, download a hiking or running app to keep track of how far you go and how much hiking you do. Although I haven’t been tracking my hikes abroad (I leave my phone in Airplane mode while traveling), I’ve heard great things about RunKeeper and EasyTrails. If you have more apps or suggestions on how to keep track of your hikes, let me know in the comments and I’ll add them here. I personally use a cheap Fitbit Flex 2, which tracks my steps and elevation. Good enough! Geocaching – Great fun can be had while geocaching. Simply go to the website, track your location, and then decide on which cache you’re going to track down. Think of it like a real life version of Indiana Jones or Uncharted, minus the Nazis and undead warriors. We geocached around Sydney for a Nerd Fitness meetup, and it was delightful! Give a hoot, don’t pollute – Pack it in, pack it out. If you bring anything with you, it better be coming back with you. Don’t leave trash in the woods, and pick up any extra trash you see out there. The wilderness thanks you for your service, citizen! Not all those who wander are lost This article is just a primer, meant to whet your appetite and make you excited to go hiking and exploring the wonderful world around us. Here are a few other resources on hiking if you want more information. Feel free to let me know about more in the comments: Tips for Primal/Paleo Hiking Hiking Emergencies on Art of Manliness American Hiking Society I challenge you to plan a hike for this upcoming weekend. YES, even if you’re in the opposite hemisphere and it’s really cold out! Get some great snacks, strap on your shoes, grab a friend, and go explore. I’d love to hear from you about the place you’re going hiking this weekend. Leave a comment below and let me know: Where you’re going. When you’re going. And what you’re most excited about! Promise that you won’t hike pants-less. Any tips you have for your fellow hikers. Leave a comment before July 6th, 2018 at 11:59PM, we’ll pick two winners at random and send them their own free NF Shirt! -Steve PS: We’re celebrating “Outsiders Month” here at Nerd Fitness, so if you have pictures of yourself rocking your Nerd Fitness Gear outdoors doing something epic, send a photo to [email protected] so I can feature you! PPS: Today’s Rebel Hero: Saint, whose success story has inspired hundreds of thousands of people. 8 years since publishing that success story, Saint is now happily married, a father of two, and just built a new swing set for his kids! Notice that little rock climbing wall? I’m sure his 1 year old daughter and 3 year old son (both Rebels already!) will be scaling sheer rock faces in no time. He’s a Rebel hero indeed. ### photo credit: 77krc Mixed Nuts All other photos from my Photostream Footnotes ( returns to text) The dude went hiking alone, got trapped under a rock, and had to cut his own arm off to get free and survive True story: when I was a little kid, I made myself a little bow and arrow (trying to be like Link) and unknowingly feathered my homemade arrows with poison ivy leaves. My face swelled up for 2 weeks Not really, please don’t taunt bears while wearing this shirt. You are not invisible. And he/she will eat you. #TheMoreYouKnow from Blog – Nerd Fitness https://ift.tt/2iAbhV0 via IFTTT

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lindafrancois · 6 years ago

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A Beginner’s Guide to Hiking: Everything You Need to Know

I’m going to make a bet with you.

By the end of today’s article, I bet I can convince you to say the following, “Damn Steve! Now I want to go hiking. FINE.”

After all, Hiking is one of the greatest things you can do for your health, both mental and physical:

It’s amazing way to get off your ass and explore your local surroundings.

It requires next to nothing to get started.

It’s a great bonding activity with friends, family, and significant others

It’s a great date idea for the right person!

You already have everything you need to get started.

It’s free. As in, zero dollars.

It’s a great reminder that this world in which we live is pretty amazing.

Our community members love hiking too. In fact, one of our recent success stories specifically cited hiking as one of the fun activities she loved to do to help her lose 50 pounds.

Today I’m going to teach you how to hike with a little help from our furry-footed friends.

By the end of today’s post, my goal is convince you to have picked a trail, picked a date, and identified a fella or gal to join your fellowship (galship?).

I took the above picture while hiking through Killarney National Park in Ireland many years ago, and every time I look at it, I couldn’t help but think of Tolkien’s middle-earth masterpiece, so I apologize (not really) for all of the Lord of the Rings nerdery running throughout this post!

Let’s get you hiking.

Hiking 101: How to Get Started With Hiking

When you think of hiking, you might imagine a bunch of road-tested perma-travelers with oversized backpacks, hiking through epic mountains for weeks upon weeks at a time.

Or maybe, a pair of hobbits setting out on a worldwide adventure to destroy a ring of awe-inspiring power.

If you’re just beginning your journey to a better lifestyle, just thinking about serious hiking can be enough to keep you inside your comfy hobbit hole.

Although hiking can an epic undertaking, it doesn’t need to be!

It can also be super simple and fun:

A quick jaunt (such a great word, right?) around your local park after work.

Exploring the woods behind your house with your kids on a saturday morning.

A half-day hike with your friends on a fun nature trail.

A full day or overnight hike that also includes camping.

Here’s my definition for hiking: A person (or self-aware robot) exploring their surroundings and their feet are on actual ground. Like, dirt. And grass.

Some might say it needs to be difficult, have a certain elevation change, require a blah blah blah. It literally doesn’t matter.

What matters is that you go outside and do something you wouldn’t have done otherwise.

Here in the Nerd Fitness Rebellion, hikers would fall into the Adventurer class.

If you’re looking for a fun “cardio” activity and want to exercise in a way that’s exciting, hiking is a great way to get your legs, feet, and body used to strenuous activity.

You get to pick your speed and difficulty, you can always find a way the right amount of challenge for you.

HIKING101: 5 STEPS TO PLAN OUT YOUR ADVENTURE

1) Decide how long you have to hike. This is a beginner’s guide to hiking, we’re not looking to hike the Appalachian Trail. Instead, we want to start with trails that can be done in less than a day, that won’t require you to pack a tent, or bring extra change of clothes. Pick a hike based on how much time you have – do you have the entire Sunday? Or do you just have a few hours on a Tuesday afternoon? It took Frodo and Sam 6 months to get to Mordor, but you probably don’t have that much time.

However, if you DID want to “walk to Mordor,” I got you covered there too. You’re welcome!

2) Decide if you’ll be hiking solo or with a friend/group – I love hiking solo – it’s mobile meditation for me. However, it’s also more dangerous should anything happen while you’re out on the trail! If you’re heading into the wilderness, I’d recommend buddying up with a friend or your significant other for your hike. It’s the perfect bonding opportunity. This is especially true if they have more hiking experience or they know the area that you’re hiking in.

3) Determine your level – if you are a hiking newbie and horribly out of shape, sending yourself out on an eight hour hike through the unmapped wilderness is incredibly unintelligent. And as your mom has probably told you before, “I thought you were smarter than that.”

Start slow, and pick places around your town that will allow you to stop when necessary and get back to your car or home quickly. No need to be a hero; it’s always better to come back excited and say “wow that was easier than I expected!” than to realize you’re six hours from home and out of steam. Well, being a hero is cool. But not THAT kind of hero.

4) Pick your hiking location – Keep it simple! Go to AllTrails.com, put in your zip code, find your hiking trail!

Or pull up Google Maps and look for big green plots of land. We call those “parks.” Google the park name, learn about it, and decide if that’s where you want to go. Do not over complicate this step. Just get started.

Ask your active, adventurous friends or coworkers if they know any good spots.

The world is FULL of hiking trails and awesomeness – you just need to know where to look.

5) Regardless of where you are going, let somebody else know where are when – if you are out hiking alone, take the time to email or call somebody and let him know that you’ll be hiking and when you expect to be back.

We don’t want to hear about any 127 Hours[1] stories on NF…that would make playing video games way more difficult.

You don’t need to tell them the brand of your underwear (please tell me you’re wearing underwear) or how many almonds you’re bringing, but let them know the important details so if they don’t hear back from you by a certain time they know to alert the proper authorities.

So right now, you should have answers to the following questions:

How much time you can dedicate to hiking.

Who you will be hiking with.

Your level of experience

Using AllTrails.com or GoogleMaps to pick your hiking location.

Who you will tell about your hiking experience.

HIking Footwear: What to Wear on your Feet Hiking!

This is simple: stilettos, your favorite mini skirt, a fishnet halter top, and a vest made out of raw meat. You’re welcome!

In all seriousness, I’m a big fan of being comfortable without breaking the bank. Like, you probably already have most of the clothing you need to go hiking.

WHAT SHOES SHOULD I WEAR TO HIKE IN?

We cover footwear extensively in our healthy feet article, but I’ll cover shoes specifically in the case of hiking here, but we at Nerd Fitness are huge fan of Merrell products – Merrell shoes of various types have treated me well for the past decade.

Just don’t a lack of quality hiking boots keep you from a hike. If you’re concerned, pick an easy paced hike with your current shoes to be safe and ramp up when you can ramp up your gear!

Some people hike the Appalachian Trail in their bare feet (must be part-Hobbit), so whatever you do: don’t let your footwear choice keep you from getting started. Just make sure you break your shoes in and take them on test drives! Don’t take the tags off a new pair of shoes and then go on a multi-day hike – that’s a recipe for blisters and a miserable time.

Okay, let’s look at our feet.

Now that we’ve done that, let’s look at some shoe options:

LEVEL ONE: Hiking shoes – “hiking shoes” are great if you’re going to be doing simple day hikes or hiking occasionally: they have good grip on the bottom, give you enough support, but aren’t too heavy that they are a hindrance.

Here are my favorite options if you in the market for some new hiking shoes:

Merrell Vent Hiking Shoe

Merrell Trail Glove 4 (Men) – I have the blue ones. They rock.

Merrell Trail Glove 4 (women)Oh what’s that? “Steve I don’t have hiking shoes! Is this the end of the world?” Well, do you have any sort of athletic shoe? Depending on the grip on the bottom, they could be decently okay for you to get started with when it comes to a basic hike.If sneakers are your only option, lace em up, pick a beginner hike, and see how they do. Just be careful on slippery surfaces – your kicks might not give you the grip won’t give you the grip you need to get over them.

LEVEL TWO – Hiking boots – I don’t hike enough or do enough multi-day hikes to justify the cost of hiking boots, but again I would point to Merrell boots if you’re in the market.

“Why boots over shoes, Steve?”

Although many prefer trail shoes (like yours truly), I can absolutely see the value in a great pair of hiking boots if you’re going on a serious hike, traveling for multiple days, or more. They have more ankle support, thicker tread, thicker shoes, and provide your feet with significantly more protection.

REI has a great article helping you pick between Trail shoes and Trail boots. My advice? Start with what you currently have before deciding whether or not to invest in big boots. Once you build up the habit of hiking and decide you want to make it a bigger part of your life, you can make the investment.

My advice? If you are going to buy boots, go to a professional store, get fitted properly, and then break them in over many weeks before going out on a trail.

WEIRD BUT FUN FOR SIMPLE HIKES: Vibram FiveFingers – I hiked all around the globe, in various situations, wearing my Vibrams for close to 4 years. They made me feel like a ninja monkey, and a hobbit. I got weird looks, but something just felt right about being able to feel the contours of the ground beneath me. I will say, when hiking in Vibrams it can be easier to twist an ankle when stepping on a root or rock, stepping on sharp rocks can hurt, so I found myself watching my feet much more than expected.

These days, I’m much more of a trail shoe kind of guy, but some still swear by Vibrams!

If you’re in the market for buying new boots, this quick video is a good primer:

youtube

WHAT SOCKS SHOULD YOU WEAR?

If you’re wearing boots or sneakers, you want to wear socks that aren’t going to give you blisters or make your feet all sweaty and gross.

Depending on how long the hike is, how serious you are about hiking, and your budget, you can look into merino-wool socks.

Like the rest of your outfit, what you wear on your feet will largely be dependent on a few things:

Weather! Are you hiking in the a forest and it’s 72 degrees out? Or are you hiking up the side of the mountain in cold conditions?

Shoes! Are you in lightweight hiking shoes, lightweight hiking socks for the win. Hiking in big boots in cold months? Big thick warm socks are almost a requirement.

Budget! Are you shopping for specific socks? Tall or short? Great. If you are brand new to hiking, just wear whatever athletic socks you wear while exercising.

What’s the environment? If you’re hiking through grass, tall plants, etc. I’d go with tall socks (with your pants possibly tucked into them too). You’re not out there to win a fashion show!

Here’s Switchback Travel’s best hiking socks of 2018, and here’s a great article from Art of Manliness on proper feet care after a hike or ruck!

What to Wear While Hiking: Clothing

SHOULD YOU WEAR PANTS OR SHORTS?

Pro tip: Don’t go pantsless through the wilderness. I cannot stress this enough.

The real advice when it comes to pants/shorts is heavily dependent upon your environment. If it’s going to be cold, shorts might keep you shivering. If it’s going to be hot, pants might get too uncomfortable.

Jeans? Ehhhhh. Sure. ONLY if its going to be a comfortable temperature and you have no other option. Being sweaty and hot while wearing jeans isn’t very fun.

I’m a big fan of my nerd pants – the Columbia Silver Ridge pants. Although they look kind of goofy, they’re incredibly light weight, dry quickly, and can transform from pants to shorts in mere seconds!

Traveling through woods, not sure what you’ll encounter? Wear lightweight pants. I am horribly allergic to poison ivy and who knows what else, so I like to keep as much of my body covered while hiking to make sure I don’t make contact with anything I’m allergic to. [2]

WHAT TYPE OF SHIRT SHOULD YOU WEAR?

My favorite options are merino wool long shirts and t-shirts: they’re light, wick away moisture, hide odors, and breathe well – though you will be paying top dollar for them.

If you’re just starting out, pick an old t-shirt and rock that – you can work on optimizing performance once you’ve got a few hikes under your belt.

Shameless plug: the Nerd Fitness t-shirt does hold up quite well to wear and tear over long periods of time – I’ve been rocking my shirt in heavy rotation on lots of hikes for years. It can also withstand gamma rays and makes you invisible.[3]

if you’re on a multi-day hike in various conditions then having lightweight merino wool shirts you can layer and not need to wash would be great. But just going for a hike in the woods in your back yard? Whatever you would wear while running, training, etc. Aka whatever won’t chafe!

SHOULD YOU BRING A JACKET?

I’ve been wearing this Mountain Hardware jacket on most of my hikes and it has been awesome (10 years and counting) – very lightweight so packing it isn’t a hassle, waterproof so it keeps me dry when it rains, and heavy enough to block the wind to keep me warm when it’s chilly.

Don’t go out of your way to buy a new jacket if you have a decent wind breaker, but if you’re going to be doing a lot of hiking or you’re in the market for a new coat, here’s my advice: go to a local store and try out all of the jackets until you find one you like.

Once you find the perfect jacket, go home and check online (you can sometimes find the same jacket for up to 60% less) – then, ask the local store if they’ll price match or just buy it online.

SHOULD YOU WEAR A HAT?

You should definitely bring a hat. I’m usually rocking my Nerd Fitness hat or my Red Sox hat (booo Yankees), but while hiking in Australia I wore a hat with a giant floppy brim to keep my ears and face protected from the sun.

The tops of your ears and back of your neck are highly susceptible to getting burned while on the trail, so either get some sunscreen or wear a hat that keeps them covered.

The same is true for keeping pesky things out of your hair, the sun from burning your ears and face, and keep you a bit cooler.

WHAT KIND OF BACKPACK SHOULD YOU BRING?

Digging into the ins and outs of backpacks is far beyond the scope of this article. I’d recommend you check out my friend Chase’s Bag Review Youtube channel – guaranteed to be the most fun you’ll ever have learning about bags.

So what would I recommend for a beginner on a hike? The bag you currently have! If you’re going on a short hike, you can start with simply whatever bag you have. The lighter and more comfy it is, the better.

Multi-day hikes where you’re living out of your bag, packing up and building a tent each day – this is beyond the scope of this article. I have rocked a Kelty Coyote bag that I’ve lived out of for months at a time, and have also used on multi-day hikes.

If you have the means and the time, and you’re planning to go on certain hikes, go to a outdoor speciality store, speak with a professional, and get fitted for your body type and type of hike you’re doing!

THE MORAL OF THE STORY: VERSATILITY

If your weather forecast is “75 and sunny,” and you’re hiking for the afternoon through a gradually sloping wooded forest, you can severely limit what you’re bringing with you.

If it’s questionable or looks like things might change during the day, versatility is your best bet – a jacket, pants that can become shorts, a long sleeve shirt that you can take off or roll the sleeves up, etc.

Don’t go out and buy all new stuff until you’re sure hiking is an activity you want to invest in. Borrow from friends, make do with what you have

Just get started.

BY NOW YOU SHOULD HAVE A ROUGH IDEA OF WHAT YOU WILL BE WEARING!

In your head you should be saying, “Steve how can you read my mind?!

I just decided:

I’d hike in my current gym sneakers.

I have a pair of gardening pants and tall socks I can wear.

I have a floppy hat.

My new Nerd Fitness t-shirt.

I feel like I’m good to go!

Perfect.

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How Much Water Should You Bring On Your Hike?

If there’s ONE thing you should not leave home without, it’s a water container so you can stay hydrated.

“How much water should I be drinking on my hike, Steve?”

Great question. I knew you were smart from the moment you started reading this article.

You should be drinking 1 liter of water every two hours as a rough guideline. Increase this amount if you are hiking in very warm/desert climates.

FAVORITE WATER CONTAINERS:

I’m partial to stainless steel bottles or aluminum bottles over Nalgene or reused plastic bottles, but make do with what you have. Make sure you bring enough water with you to keep you hydrated through your adventure.

Going on longer hikes? Get yourself a hydration backpack (which can double as your hiking pack!) to transplant water more conveniently.

Not only that, but make sure you have been consuming water before you go hiking so that you’re not starting at a hydration deficit.

Hangovers + early morning hikes – water = bad news bears.

Important Gear to Bring On Your Hike.

If you’re just getting started, I’m going to guess you won’t be climbing to the top of a mountain in Alaska, but rather going on an introductory hike that will help build your confidence and get you rolling.

Here’s what I’d recommend you bring with you on your adventure:

Sunscreen – If it’s sunny outside and you’re hiking through the woods or up a mountain with a cool breeze in your face, you probably won’t be able to tell that your ears and face are getting absolutely torched. Get yourself some waterproof sweatproof sunscreen (SPF 30 minimum) to cover up those ears, cheeks, and back of your neck.

Bug spray – especially if it’s “that time of the year” in your area where bugs are out in full force. Nothing worse than coming home to arms and legs covered in bug bites.

First aid kit – Having some first aid stuff with you is a good idea: band-aids and moleskin for blisters and cuts, Neosporin or some type of disinfectant for cuts/scrapes, and maybe a bandage or two just in case. Outdoor stores sell travel first aid kits (as does Amazon), but I’d advise you to make your own (you should have these things in your medicine cabinet anyways – and then you’ll know exactly where everything is!).

Pocket knife – Not essential if you’re in a park, but a good thing to have with you out in the woods so you’re prepared for anything. Like McGyver.

Sunglasses – No need to go blind while out on the trail. You probably already have sunglasses floating around your house: I’d recommend bringing the $5 ones rather than $250 Ray-Bans.

Cellphone – a phone can help bail you out in case of emergency, and if you have a smart phone it can multitask as your compass, distance tracker, mapper, and so on. Even if you have a cellphone, bringing a compass or GPS system isn’t a bad idea (unless it’s bright and sunny and you’re good at orienting yourself).

If you’re going on a longer hike, bringing a lightweight phone charger that you can use to charge your phone up quickly is usually pretty easy.

Great Hiking Snacks and FOod!

FOOD!

You know, the stuff that keeps us alive.

The answer to this will vary greatly depending on how long you plan on hiking for, the time of day, your love of snacking, so the advice here is going to largely mirror the advice we give in our nutritional posts!

Although by no means a complete list of snacks, this is usually what I like to pack in my bag before a hike:

Nuts – Almonds or walnuts. Great for snacking on, loaded w/ healthy fat and protein.

Nut butters are a good healthy fat option too – my favorite is trader Joe’s raw unsalted almond butter. Ingredient: almonds!

They are high in calorie content however, so if you are trying to lose weight, don’t do a 10 minute walk and eat 4000 calories worth of nuts.

We in the business like to call that “counterproductive.”

Fruit – I throw two or three apples in my bag; apples and nuts mean I’ve pretty much got all of the fat, protein, and carbs I need for my day.

Things like bananas, raisins, and other fruit are good options as well – pick based on your personal preference and tastes.

Fruit (especially dried fruit) can have lots of sugar and calories, so don’t kid yourself into eating 5000 calories worth of dried fruit and call it healthy!

Beef jerky! Make your own or go with some high quality store bought stuff. Lots of protein, easy to pack, and keeps well. Mmmmmm.

What about trail mix or granola bars? You’d probably think granola bars and trail mix are synonymous with hiking, but I’m actually not a fan of either unless they’re homemade – these products are usually loaded with salt/sugar and processed grains and are pretty damn unhealthy.

If you’re gonna go with trail mix, make your own with dried fruit and raw unsalted nuts. If you DON’T have other options, tossing a few granola bars in the bag isn’t the end of the world.

More food advice here:

Primal Trail Food

A book (optional) – I LOVE READING (more than I love lowercase letters), so I always travel with my Kindle. Although hiking with friends can be fun, I also get a huge thrill out of hiking out to a remote location overlooking a valley or sitting on the edge of a river with a book so that I can spend a few hours getting lost in a story.

If it’s a multi-day hike and you’re avoiding technology, then bringing a dead tree book is worth the extra weight in your bag!

A camera (optional) – Although I have a camera that I travel with, most of the pictures I’ve been taking recently have been done with my iPhone using apps like Camera+ or ProHDR (which I freaking love). Both apps are worth the price.

You don’t need to be a great photographer, just need to capture the moment to look back on fondly as a crotchety old grandpa. Obviously if you’re a serious photographer, you’ve already planned to pack your DSLR so I won’t get into that.

Tips and Tricks

**KNOW THE LOCAL WILDLIFE!** Do a quick search of your hike to know what sorts of critters you’ll encounter on the trail. If you are hiking in bear country or snake country, these are things it’s very important to know. Whether it’s carrying a can of bear mace or knowing what to look for, this can help you prevent serious problems.

Also watch out for wild ostriches.

**CLEAN UP, CHECK FOR TICKS** – if you’re in a heavily wooded area and carving through the wilderness, check yourself for ticks and make sure you take a shower with hot water and soap immediately when you get home in case you came in contact with any poisonous plants or things like that. I can’t tell you how many times I woke up with a swollen face as a kid because of my hike through poison ivy the day before.

Aim for the high ground – I love hiking to tall things: the top of a mountain, the high point in a town, the roof of a building. It gives you a great halfway point to stop, eat some lunch or dinner, and enjoy the view; plus, you already know exactly how far you need to go on your way down.

One piece of advice on going DOWN a steep mountain or a lot of steps: Shorten your stride, and take care to land on the balls of your feet with a bent knee if possible – if you’re landing on your heels for thousands of steps, it can wreak havoc on your knees and joints as there’s no shock absorption.

I remember how sore my knees were the day after hiking down Colca Canyon in Peru with my buddy Cash because I didn’t make an effort to soften my steps and take care of my body.

Urban Hiking – “But Steve I live in a city, I can’t go hiking!” Why the hell not? Load up your backpack, map out a route on Google maps, maybe even find a tall building – avoid the elevator, climb the steps.

Or walk until you find a park, sit on a bench and read a book. Sure, it’s not the same as hiking the Rockies, but it will still get your heart pumping and feet moving!

Like The Goonies teaches us, adventure can be found in your own backyard with the right attitude!

Keep track of it – If you have an iPhone or Android, download a hiking or running app to keep track of how far you go and how much hiking you do.

Although I haven’t been tracking my hikes abroad (I leave my phone in Airplane mode while traveling), I’ve heard great things about RunKeeper and EasyTrails. If you have more apps or suggestions on how to keep track of your hikes, let me know in the comments and I’ll add them here.

I personally use a cheap Fitbit Flex 2, which tracks my steps and elevation. Good enough!

Geocaching – Great fun can be had while geocaching. Simply go to the website, track your location, and then decide on which cache you’re going to track down. Think of it like a real life version of Indiana Jones or Uncharted, minus the Nazis and undead warriors. We geocached around Sydney for a Nerd Fitness meetup, and it was delightful!

Give a hoot, don’t pollute – Pack it in, pack it out. If you bring anything with you, it better be coming back with you. Don’t leave trash in the woods, and pick up any extra trash you see out there. The wilderness thanks you for your service, citizen!

Not all those who wander are lost

This article is just a primer, meant to whet your appetite and make you excited to go hiking and exploring the wonderful world around us.

Here are a few other resources on hiking if you want more information. Feel free to let me know about more in the comments:

Tips for Primal/Paleo Hiking

Hiking Emergencies on Art of Manliness

American Hiking Society

I challenge you to plan a hike for this upcoming weekend. YES, even if you’re in the opposite hemisphere and it’s really cold out!

Get some great snacks, strap on your shoes, grab a friend, and go explore.

I’d love to hear from you about the place you’re going hiking this weekend.