#those are insane numbers for me and I'm very grateful for them

[elodieunderglass]

Question about Charlie (I've stopped pulling weeds in his back garden and I'm mostly just existing here so I have company. I'm pretty sure he's noticed and deliberately isn't saying anything and I pretended I didn't hear him ask one of the children to ask me if I have any dietary restrictions but I'm not ready to leave yet):

How easy does he find it to delegate tasks? And how easy is it for him when those tasks are not done to his standards or in the way he'd have done them? Obviously this would be a regular occurrence in his household but is it a problem?

Ahahaha! Oh no! Careful or you’ll be moved in!

I think this is probably a place where Charlie has to stop and decide to “be the better person” about it, which takes practice. Although Charlie has a lazy streak and a competitive streak running insanely side-by-side, two horses locked in battle with their eyes rolling and hooves pounding in a very conflicting race (and the lazy side often winning somehow), he is also trying to be conscious of what parts of himself are Due To His Upbringing, and which parts are Charlie As A Person. Unlike everyone else on the planet, Charlie firmly believes that he can unpick these: RIP to the rest of you all but I’m different.

The thing is - his father Bill, being a very high-key impatient high-strung competitive kind of person, who perceives himself as the “self-assigned alpha male of any given situation” - is VERY complicated about other people doing things. He’s simultaneously bossy and critical - delegates tasks but can’t bear to be uninvolved. You can imagine the riding lessons he gave the kids. You can imagine what he was like in his prime, bossing around a clan of 30+ family-employees in his own miniature kingdom. Bill’s fundamentally convinced that if he orders the universe to his satisfaction, his family will be safe, and everything will be okay.

Thus, Charlie would never in his conscious experience criticise or micromanage a job he gave to another person, because that’s what Dad would do. He forces himself into the Laziness side and manages to be quite chill. None of it really matters, nothing matters, don’t worry 😎

In some ways Charlie - a reasonably senior person in his day job - is a tricker boss than Bill. If you fuck up with Bill, he just barks for five minutes and cuffs you upside the head, but genuinely thinks nothing of it. When you fuck up at work, and Charlie is your boss, he says things like “you’re empowered to handle this yourself” and “what would you do differently next time?”

It also helps that Charlie left a job/family/microcosm where he was naturally perfect at everything - without consciously doing a damn thing - for the wider world, where he couldn’t do anything well. So he can’t judge. He can’t paint a ceiling, or reach a high shelf, and he was like 20 before he even tried to cook a hot meal. He is trying to so hard to be better that at this point he probably is.

But in the specific case of pulling bindweed, are you kidding? The entire family of (n) people, where (n) is whatever number is funniest, plus neighbour children, are staring at you starry-eyed and grateful, amazed at this display of executive function. Are you kidding?! That’s the most anyone has successfully done in the garden for WEEKS. Thank you???

[thelaurenshippen]

i genuinely cannot count on one hand the number of times i've listened to mark (episode 48)!! your writing. is absolute genius. i have never felt so much for any two characters in my life, and damien and mark are just written SOOO WELL OH MY GOSH LIKE RUN ME OVER WITH A CAR?? the "i'm trying to tell you that you hurt me" and the "But at a certain point you won’t be pissed anymore and then we can go back to where we were last summer. / Mark: We can what?" I WISH YOU HAD JUST PUNCHED ME INSTEAD BECAUSE WHAT IN THE WORLD MS SHIPPEN IM GOING TO LOSE MY MIND (also the voice acting is just incredible like paired with your writing it should be called the Shippen Effect because what in the WORLD) I have never ever been more relieved to have found any piece of media more in my entire life. just oh my gosh damien saying one manipulative thing after the other with no end but being able to completely understand where he's coming from??? i've rambled about his character to my friend so so often and just oh mark mark HOOLY MOLY every single character in tbs is so well-developed and just oh my gosh like I went through a similar experience to mark and finding tbs was WATER IN A DESERT I SWEAR OH MY GOSH just the . the part about humanizing manipulation and how manipulation makes you still empathize for them just EUEUUEUEGH I AM BITING A TABLE . you are. an incredible writer. like genuinely I look up to you so so much (you've been featured in my argumentative essays for my lang classes haha ACJHHBA) because you epitomize the beauty of putting your heart out and having it work through hard work and effort. your books are also at my school library which is CRAZY considering how tiny my school library is!! every single one of your works has so much heart and empathy and care in it, from the bright sessions to breaker whiskey to new year's day i've looked forward to and loved every single episode. thank you so much for what you do!! you as a person are also just so so admirable. you're incredibly humble while being INSANELY CRACKED AT WRITING ANALYZING ACTING ETC and are just?? so fun to listen to and have a very awesome voice??? I hope you're taking good care of yourself and looking out for your needs!! I appreciate you so so much and hope you have an awesome rest of your day :D <3

oh my god!?!?!? this is the NICEST thing in the world!?!?! thank you so much!?!?!?

but for REAL thank you. this genuinely means the whole goddamn world to me. I'm so glad you found my stories and that they were what you were looking for in one way or another and thank you so much for listening and for telling your friend about my characters!!! the "I need to talk to my friend about this character" is a feeling I personally know so well and one that I consider the highest compliment if I'm able to prompt it in someone else!

and ahhhhh I'm SO happy your school library has my books!!! that's always AWESOME to hear. I'm so grateful to your librarians (and all librarians)

I love the idea of the Shippen Effect being "voice actors take a script and spin it into gold" because that is one of my absolutely favorite things about working in audio. and I do like to think I have impeccable taste in actors :)

and the fact that you picked out one of my favorite episodes I've ever written is amazing. not only was writing it so fun, but a huge reason I wrote it is because Andrew and Charlie had such INCREDIBLE chemistry as Mark and Damien. like. off the CHARTS from moment one. which is so funny because they'd done scenes together in the acting class we were all in and had been, of course, amazing together, but there was something about them taking on those characters that just made a spark

I had never anticipated writing that episode when I started, but the performances that Andrew and Charlie gave were so inspiring that I just followed their lead with that relationship. and it was such an incredible blast. I miss them both - and especially them together - a ton.

also, omg being featured in essays is literally the greatest honor.

thank you SO much for your message, you have MADE my day!!!!

[scekrex]

Hi I am wonder if you could do anothe part for overlord!reader, like maybe news on how reader has Adam got out and now reader has to take time from his personal paradise to deal with the rest of Hell. Their place is hidden away so he doesn’t really have to deal with attack but he does have to deal with contant calls to buy or hand over Adam. Reader is just increasingly piss off and at some point Adam decide to help him chill out by snuggling him when it became clear he’s close to losing it. It gotten bad enough that Adam straight up drag a reclining couch to his office which help which helps wth work because an angel being all cuddly nearby would motivate anyone haul ass quickly to join them

Fuck I'm such a sucker for the soft bond overlord!reader and Adam have, I wanna write for em all day long ughhh

Bird of Hell's Paradise

Lover come hold me

pairing: Adam x male!reader

warnings: language

note: not beta read bc fuck you I don't have beta readers

After that little date you and Adam had enjoyed the prior week, news that the former angel was living with you spread through hell’s seven rings like a disease. And while your life as an Overlord in general had grown more stressful ever since the exterminations had been invented, this was a new peak of stress.

People kept reaching out, strangers managed to get their claws on your phone number and had the audacity to call you and ask for how much you would sell the first man to them, not understanding that Adam was not for sale. The first man would continue to stay at your place for as long as he desired and if one day he should decide that he no longer wants to spend eternity with you, he could move out. Selling him to some limp dick Imp was off the table though. Hell’s residents didn’t seem to understand that though, they kept calling you, blowing up your phone like there was no tomorrow, your text messages were full of people offering insanely high amounts of money for Adam and some people even dared to pay you a personal visit - though those were only people you knew. Not everyone in hell knew where exactly your mansion was located and you were more than grateful for that. A protection spell you had casted recently would also prevent any ordinary sinner or hellborn to ever find it.

You dropped your head onto your desk, the loud noise it made caused Adam to lift his head, his eyes looking you up and down. The first man was leaning against the door frame, his arms crossed over his chest as he looked at you with a displeased expression, “The fuck is going on?” You sighed as you turned your head towards your lover, yet you kept it on the desk, you were too tired to lift it up. “Hell’s demons seem to be very interested in you, my love,” you mumbled as you reached for your phone that was interrupting the situation by buzzing quite loudly, “Fuck off, he’s not for fucking sale like a motherfucking slave,” and with that you hung up, not even hearing the person on the other end out. Your tired eyes watched as the first man left the little room you had organized to function as your office. Apparently Adam himself seemed to have enough of hell’s bullshit as well and you really could not blame the former angel at all. It must be exhausting to know that people down here either want him permanently dead or that they want to buy him like a pet you can just shop. The poor soul must suffer from this even more than you were. You were able to turn off your phone and ignore it, he wasn’t. Not when all of this was about him, after all. You had offered him protection when you had rescued him, now you were not even able to provide a peaceful afterlife for the first man.

In exhaustion you closed your eyes but the silence in your office didn’t last long, this time however it was not your phone that interrupted the somewhat peaceful moment, it was Adam. The first man was dragging a reclining couch through the door, pushing it through the room until he had decided on what appeared to be the perfect spot for it, then he walked over to where you were resting your head on your desk. Without any explanation the first man took your phone, muted the device and put it back on the table. “You,” he said as he lifted you out of your chair. Your body went limp as the brunette picked you up as if it was the easiest thing he had ever done, your head was now resting on the first man’s shoulder instead of the hard wooden desk and your body embraced the warmth that Adam’s body offered. Legs were wrapped around the brunette’s hips and arms held onto his neck, the former angel’s hands steadied your back so that you were not to fall. His soft, shimmering wings he wrapped around you, turning the stressful world off for a moment as he carried you over to the couch he had just dragged here. “Are gonna fucking rest and ignore all that motherfucking bullshit for a couple hours,” he finished his sentence as he flopped down onto the couch.

Adam had never been this touch before, yes he had hugged you, yes the both of you cuddled while sleeping, but him hauling an entire couch into your office just to distract you from the chaos that hell was going through because its residents now knew Adam was living with you? That was nothing you’d turn down - not that you’d ever turn down affection the former angel offered you in general. “Whatever my mighty winged love desires,” you hummed as you snuggled closer against his chest. The brunette’s chin came to rest on the top of your head as he simply held you, the wings provided a comfortable warmth that made you fall asleep quicker than you had thought it would. But the warmth paired with Adam’s scent had you asleep in no time and with a small smile your tall lover watched over his finally resting boyfriend.

[212-apricity]

1999, part four - final part!

oh my gosh. final part and what a surprise, she's a long one again💀💀ive loved writing this silly little series so so much and i love all of you very very much🫶🏽🫶🏽🫶🏽please give me requests on what to write next bc my mind is completely blank rn, all i can think of is the cold war and bolsheviks from my history revison and i dont think they would make v good fics🤡🤡

lmk what you think of this part and your fav moments, enjoy!!

warnings: tiny angst, mostly fluff, swearing

conrad fisher masterlist

masterlist

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conrad’s pov

Since Y/n is unable to hold a phone herself, I'm tasked with a lot, but I didn't fully realize the worry of her family until she had me working through each task with her.

No wonder she’s overwhelmed. The number of texts from Laurel, Mom, Belly, Jere and Steven she has to sift through in a given hour would drive anyone insane.

Or maybe I'm just going crazy by sitting this close to her. The smell of her coconut soap is permanently ingrained into my memory as she sits flush against me, pointing at different texts with her uninjured hand.

I can tell her nerves grow stronger as the Uber near the hospital.

Her knees bounce up and down as she dictates message after message I need to send, confusing me more and more with every word.

The work doesn't stop there. After we check in, a nurse hands us a clipboard filled with pages of information that need to be filled out. Y/n stares at it like it might catch on fire at any moment.

"Here." I pass it to her.

Her eyes shift toward the exit. "Will you help me please? I can't write like this." Her voice drops to a barely audible whisper.

"Okay. Tell me your answers and I'll write them down."

Her throat bobs as she scans the first line. It takes her far longer than necessary to read the first question.

"Do you mind reading the questions aloud for me? I'm too stressed to concentrate right now." Her overcompensating smile irritates me.

"Are you sure? Some of the questions are probably personal."

Don't be a dick. Just do what she says.

"I don't care.”

The rigid way she sits in her chair says the complete opposite.

She seems to be one minute away from breaking down, so I concede. I sigh as I grab the pen and get started on the first question. The paperwork doesn't take us as long as I anticipated, so Y/n and I sit together in silence. She stares at the exit longingly.

The way her eyes dart around the room as she gnaws on her bottom lip makes me feel merciful enough to save her from the anxiety eating her up inside.

“If it's any consolation, I hate hospitals too."

Her head swings toward the direction of my voice.

"Yeah?"

I nod. "Haven't been to one since…"

"I know." she says as she sees my chest heaves as I remember the millions of times we’ve been here before.

I keep my eyes focused on the soundless television playing in one corner.

Her good hand clasps onto mine and gives it a squeeze. I'm grateful she understands me enough not to ask any other questions. The idea of offering another raw part of myself feels like a betrayal of the years I've spent carefully developing a certain kind of persona.

"I hate them too." Her voice cracks.

"Why?"

She stares down at her swollen hand. “My dad…” She pauses, and I give her hand a reassuring squeeze like she gave me. "Let's just say mom ended up in the ER a couple of times for being clumsy."

I take a deep breath to stave off the anger bubbling beneath the surface. "And did you have issues with being clumsy?" If she says yes, I swear to God two men will end up floating in the Chicago River tonight.

She shakes her head rather aggressively. "No. No." My rapid heart rate can be heard through my ears. "If you were, you can tell me." While I can't promise I won't do anything about it, I can promise to make him hurt. A lot. With sulfuric acid or something, those pre-med studies are starting to come in handy now.

The overwhelming sense of protectiveness hits me hard, and I don't shy away from it. There is nothing I hate more than men who use their fists against innocent women and children.

"It never got to that point. Suze made sure of it." she says with a small smile.

"How?"

"She caught onto the signs and interfered before things got bad. Used her savings from my grandpa's life insurance policy to help Mom get a divorce and start a new life." A tear slips down her face, and I can't stand the sight of it.

I brush it away with the pad of my thumb, but the damp trail still lingers. A driving force inside of me wants to erase the sad look on her face. "Did her plan also happen to include a jug of sulfuric acid?"

She forces out a laugh. "I think concrete shoes were more in style back then."

I fake shudder. "Remind me to never make mom angry again."

"Forget her, you'd have to deal with me." She holds up her injured hand like a war trophy.

"I'm absolutely terrified."

"Miss Y/n?" a nurse calls out.

Y/n doesn't move at the sound of her name.

"That's you." I place my hand on her thigh and give it a squeeze.

She sucks in a deep breath as she stares down at my hand.

Her chair nearly tumbles behind her as she bolts out of the seat, throwing her one good hand up in the air. "I'm here!"

The nurse leads us through the emergency room bay.

Individual beds line the wall, each area divided by a paper curtain.

The empty bed meant for Y/n is unacceptable. Between the person retching behind one partition and the individual on the other side hacking up their lung, I refuse to let her be seen here.

"I'd like my…my friend, to be taken care of in a private suite," I speak up. I know I sound snotty right now but honestly, I’ll be damned if I let her already horrible hospital experience get any worse.

The nurse grimaces as her gaze licks across my body. "This is a hospital. Not the Ritz. Take a seat and wait for the doctor like everyone else."

Y/n hops on the bed without any complaint, and I'm tempted to grab her and go elsewhere. The nurse doesn't seem the least bit bothered by all the noise happening around us as she checks Y/n’s vitals and asks some routine questions.

Y/n answers each one while chewing her bottom lip raw. This atmosphere couldn't put anyone at ease, least of all her.

The nurse hangs the clipboard at the foot of the bed, and I decide to try again.

"I'll pay whatever it takes to have her seen somewhere quieter. Money is no object."

The nurse only replies by shutting the paper curtain in my face.

Y/n laughs while I stare at the curtain, dumbfounded to be treated like this.

"You find this funny?"

She nods, her eyes alight for the first time all night. "Did you see her face when you said money is no object? I think if she didn't put the clipboard away, she would have slapped your face with it."

"It's not my fault she isn't accustomed to how things are done in the real world."

"Wake up baby. You're living in the real world." She waves around our room.

"It's terrifying." I say, looking away so she couldn’t see the blush that appeared on my face at the nickname.

"Come here. I'II make it better." Y/n pats the bed.

Doubtful, but I'm a glutton for giving her what she wants lately. Paper crinkles as I sit next to her. I take up most of the bed, giving her little room to get away from me. My thigh brushes against hers. She tries to scoot away, but there isn't enough space.

“Isn’t this cozy?" she quips.

I give her a small smile before she asks, “Hey! Let me see your tattoo.”

God I’d forgotten all about them. I move the collar of my shirt to show the two small ivy leaves we’d gotten. She gasps and gently touches my skin, “Oh my gosh it’s so pretty Connie.” she stares at it for a moment before I ask to see hers.

She lifts up her shirt on the side, exposing her ribcage and the two matching leaves.

“I can’t believe you agreed to get a Taylor Swift referenced tattoo with me Con.” she says as I admire the tattoo for a bit.

I smile until saying, “Hey I might be quiet and mopey but at least I have good taste in music.”

She softly smiles at me before eyeing the IV bag with horror before checking out the exit.

"What’s wrong?”

She leans closer to me and whispers, "Is now a bad time to admit I pass out whenever someone tries to stick a needle in me?"

My lips lift at the corners. I don't know why I find the idea hilarious, given her ability to watch eight consecutive hours of true crime documentaries without so much as flinching.

"You're afraid of needles?"

She sputters. "No. I'm not afraid. It just happens to be a bodily reaction I can't control."

“That's good then because the nurse needs to set you up with that IV when she comes back."

“No! Don't tell me that! I thought she was one of the good ones.”

I nod, pressing my lips together to prevent myself from laughing.

"She lied to me!" She bolts from the seat and would have tripped over her own heels if I didn't reach out and catch her.

*Careful." I place her back on the bed and decide to stand guard in case she gets any ideas to flee the scene.

Her eyes fit from me to the gap between two curtains, as if she is thinking how she can get past me.

"I'm joking.”

She scans my face for the truth before she slaps my shoulder with her good hand. "Asshole! I believed you!"

Laughter explodes out of me like a bomb, stunning her.

“Did you just laugh?”

"No."

“Yes." Someone calls out from the other side of the curtain.

“Now, do you mind shutting up? Some of us are trying to get some sleep over here after having our stomach pumped."

Fuck this place and the people in here. "We're leaving."

"Not so fast. You can't leave before I check you out." The doctor strolls in and points at the bed with his clipboard.

Y/n remains tight-lipped as the doctor checks her chart. He asks her some questions about how she got hurt, all while staring me up and down like I'm the person she was trying to injure. She is taken away for a few scans, and my breathing doesn't return to normal until the nurse brings her back.

That should be my first sign that things are getting out of hand on my end. I'm inching closer to an emotional minefield without any kind of map, only one wrong step away from exploding.

The doctor checks the scans. "It looks like you have a boxer's fracture."

Her face brightens. "That sounds badass."

I glare at her. "Calm down, Muhammad Ali. I wouldn't count today as a victory by any means."

The doctor's eyes lighten. "Next time, avoid any initial contact on the fourth and fifth knuckles."

"Please don't encourage her."

The doctor shakes his head with a laugh before giving Y/n a detailed set of instructions regarding the healing time. I'm skeptical about the whole visit and, given the setting, doubtful about the level of care. I'll be damned if Y/n sustains permanent injuries because of Dean. My chest tightens at the idea.

“Great Thanks, Doc!" She hops off the bed, but I hold my arm out, stopping her

"I’d like a second opinion." The command bursts out of me without any rhyme or reason. Deep down, I know a boxer's fracture isn't the worst thing that could have happened. But things aren't right in my head where Y/n is concerned. At least not anymore.

Both of the doctor's eyebrows arch. "For a small fracture?"

"Don't mind him. He tends to be a bit overbearing." She shoots me a look as if I'm the crazy one out of the two of us.

"Okay..." the doctor says.

Maybe I am losing it because why else would I care?

You hate it when she cries.

You wouldn't mind murdering someone who hurt her.

You took her to the hospital even though you despise them with every fibre of your being.

The signs all point to one thing: our situation is quickly crumbling, and I'm the only one to blame.

Y/n interrupts my thoughts. "I'll be sure to wear the brace for a few weeks and avoid any kind of activities that could aggravate the injury."

"Perfect. And don't forget to schedule a follow-up visit with your physician. "The doctor gives me one last look before handing Y/n the discharge paperwork. "Nice meeting you."

"Will you help me with this?" She holds out the clipboard with her left hand as the doctor leaves.

I grab it from her and fill it out.

She checks the time on her phone. "Well, at least that didn't take as long as I thought it would. I'm sure you're dying to get back home."

That's the scary thing. I didn't think about anything or anyone once during our entire time here because making sure she was taken care of was my only concern. I've spent the past seventeen years of my life thinking solely about my future, and all it took was one girl to make me completely forget about my responsibilities for a few hours.

As if that doesn't scare me enough, it only takes one glance at her makeshift brace to make my blood burn hot under my skin. I know exactly why her injury angers me more than anything else.

It's the same reason I feel the urge to push Jere away from her whenever he gets too close or the way I unexplainably need to see her whenever she is out of my sight for longer than a few hours.

You’re in love with her.

Fuck.

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y/n’s pov

We’re in an Uber on the way home, sitting in comfortable silence until Conrad breaks it.

“Why’d you get with Dean anyway?” My stomach doubles over.

Comfortable silence is so overrated.

I sigh. I’ve been dreading this question for ages now.

“I don’t know.” I answer vaguely.

Conrad gives me a puzzled look, “What do you mean you don't know? You must’ve had a reason.”

His restlessness gets me more agitated.

“I don’t know Conrad. I don’t know why I got with him, I don’t know why I was waiting on you for so long either.” I look out the window as the car stops in front of the house.

“What? What do you mean?” he says as I get out the car and speed up to the front door, taking the keys out of my pocket and refusing to carry on with this conversation anymore.

Conrad keeps yelling after me as he follows me upstairs to my room, both of us trying to ignore everyone else who joined Conrad and are trying to ask their own questions.

I slam my door shut and collapse on my bed hearing Conrad trying to calm everyone down and telling them everything that's happened until he asks them all to give me some space for now.

I cry in the silence as I hear everyone leaving from outside the door until it opens.

“Hey.”

Steven. Thank God.

“Steve…” I say sniffling.

He looks at me with a sad smile before sitting on the bed with me and taking me in his arms.

“Con told us everything,” he says after a few minutes of holding me, “did you really get a boxer's fracture?”

I laugh in tears before showing him my hand and saying, “You should see the other guy.”

Steven and I laugh together before going back to the silence as he hugs me.

“He really cares about you, you know.”

“No he doesn’t. He hates me. I yelled at him and now I’m crying here on my bed like an idiot.”

“Did he say anything to you?” Steven looks down at me.

I shake my head before saying, “He asked why I got with Dean.”

“Oh. That’s not too bad.”

“No it’s not.”

“Then why are you so upset?”

“Because I’ve been waiting for Conrad for so long and I’m just sick and tired of always being there to help him get over his breakups when he’d be so much better off with me. I know I sound selfish and none of my reasons are justified but I just thought that after everything we’ve been through together, he’d maybe like me just a little bit.”

Steven hugs me again and softly says, “He does.”

After that almost everyone but Conrad came in to check up on me and make sure I was okay, making me feel even more guilty about being all emotional like this. It’s not until Susannah’s holding me and whispering sweet nothings that my eyes start to feel heavy.

I think I fell asleep after that, I don’t remember much except waking up to the sun shining its very unwelcome face in my eyes.

I step out of my room after freshening up and I’m about to make my way to the kitchen for food until I’m stopped by something in the hallway.

Or should I say someone.

“Conrad,” I bend down and stroke his hair out of his face, “Conrad wake up.” I say gently.

He stirs for a minute before sitting up and taking my hands in his.

“Have you been out here all night?” I ask.

“Yes.” he says in a raspy voice.

God that voice would make my knees give out if I wasn’t already on the floor with him.

“Why?”

“I need to talk to you.”

I sigh before he interrupts me, “Listen, I heard everything you said to Steven last night and I know I shouldn’t have and I was eavesdropping but I’m sorry it was by accident. And I know I don’t deserve any more of your time…I’ve already wasted a lot of it but just hear me out for ten minutes.”

“No.” I try to get out of his grasp.

“Stop fighting and give me ten minutes.”

“No way.”

“Nine then.”

“Five.”

“Eight and a half.”

“Six.”

“Seven.”

I pause, knowing that he won’t let me go anywhere before I hear him out.

“You don’t deserve seven seconds, let alone seven minutes of my time.”

“How about seven words then?”

I laugh. “I’d like to see you try.”

“I am falling in love with you.”

I blink up at him. Either I am still sleeping or I must have not heard him correctly because there is no way Conrad Fisher just admitted that he is falling in love with me.

Absolutely no fucking way.

Right?

I squeeze my eyes shut as if that can erase the words from my memory.

"You're joking.

"I'm not."

"This is just another part of your game." I try to push him away, but he doesn't budge.

"It stopped being a game for me a long time ago."

"You're lying."

His brows pull together. "Ask me why I hate when people touch my bookshelf."

"Are you serious right now? What does that have to do with any of this?" I think back to his bookshelf he won’t let any of the others go near but loves to let me organise and re-organise each year.

"Because I did it for you."

"I'm sorry, what?"

"I read somewhere online that organising objects like books and things is good for people with anxiety, because then they can feel in control of something and know exactly what to expect especially if things are the same as they've predicted all the time. You love reading too, so I changed it. Bought all the books you like to read so that you’d stay and read with me more often. I forced everyone else out of my room and especially away from that bookshelf. All because I wanted to help you."

Emotions clog my throat, preventing my ability to reply.

What can I possibly say that could compare to that?

Conrad doesn't give me an option as he continues. "Want to know why I kept this plant you got me?" he says pointing to the small green cactus with “Don’t be a prick” written on the pot that we could see looking into his room from the hallway.

I nod.

"Because it was the first time someone got me a present that made me laugh."

If hearts could melt into puddles, mine would be liquified right about now.

I take a deep breath.

Remember what he did.

“Con that doesn't change anything you still ignored me for a whole year. Every time I tried to call you or text you, you’d just leave me on read or decline, and now you’re telling me you love me? Who does that?"

"Someone who doesn't understand the first thing about loving someone, but is willing to try if you give me a chance."

"You want me to give you a chance after everything? Do you think I'm stupid?"

He winces, and a bit of my anger fades away at his vulnerability.

"Intelligence has nothing to do with this."

"Easy for you to say when you're not the one who feels like a fool."

"Really? Because based on your reaction today, I'm feeling pretty damn foolish for ever admitting that I'm falling in love with you." He gets up off the floor, leaving me feeling chilled to the bone.

"Con..." I reach out, but he takes a step back.

My eyes sting from his rejection. It hurts.

“I’m not asking you to love me back. I don't expect that and I'm not sure if I ever will because I'm the furthest thing for lovable. I'm selfish, and rude, and don't know the first thing about being in a proper relationship with someone. But that doesn't mean I’m not willing to try for you if you let me."

How am I supposed to be angry at him when he thinks he is unlovable?

A pain rips through my chest at the thought of him talking about himself this way.

I get up off the floor and walk straight into his chest. His arms quickly wrap themselves around my waist, holding me even tighter.

"Just because you make selfish choices doesn't mean you're a selfish person. At least not completely."

This boy had been there for Belly, Steven, me and Jere for years without any kind of payback, especially when Susannah was going through her cancer and despite feeling an immense amount of pain himself, he shoved all his emotions aside so that he could be there for us. For me. If that isn't a selfless sacrifice, I don't know what is.

"Your logic is half-baked at best."

"So is yours, seeing as you called yourself unlovable."

His body tenses. "I'm stating facts."

"I don't know what bullshit your father told you over the years, but it's not true. Your brother loves you."

"He’s obligated to."

"No one is obligated to love someone else. Blood or not."

He takes a deep breath. "You're right."

I smile up at him. "I could get used to hearing those words."

He reaches up and cups my cheek. "Give me a chance and I'll tell you them every single day."

I sigh and look away. "I don't know.”

"Tell me what's stopping you."

"You don't do relationships."

“Good thing our feelings lead us here rather than our minds, and mine are willing to try then."

I avoid his penetrating gaze. "What if my feelings are telling me to run?”

“It's cute you think you can outrun me, but I'll give you a head start just to make things interesting." he smiles down at me.

"Do you always have an answer for everything?"

"Not for the one that matters most." The way he looks at me stirs up something deep inside of me.

Longing. I want to give him a chance, regardless of the potential fallout.

You might get hurt.

I might, but I might miss out on something special because I’m too afraid of the what ifs. I'm done being that person. Even if it means getting hurt, I'd rather try and fail than never try at all.

I stand on the tips of my toes and press my lips against his.

He holds me tight against his chest, as if he is afraid of letting me go.

I pull away, only to clasp onto his chin. "This could be a disaster, but I'm willing to try."

He shuts me up by pushing his lips against mine, sealing our new deal. The way he kisses me is different than any time before. He cups my face with the palms of his hands as his lips mold against mine, teasing me until I feel dizzy. His thumb brushes across my cheek back and forth, and heat rushes down my spine straight to my belly. He makes me feel cherished. Protected.

Loved in a way that makes me never want to come back down to reality.

I could spend forever being kissed like this and still feel like it isn't enough. While Conrad might not be the best with words, his kiss says it all.

He is falling in love with me. And I’m falling in love with him. No translation necessary.

                ༝ ˚ ｡⋆ 𓇼 ⋆｡ ˚ ༝༝ ˚ ｡⋆ 𓇼 ⋆｡ ˚ ༝༝ ˚ ｡⋆ 𓇼 ⋆｡ ˚ ༝༝ ˚ ｡⋆ 𓇼 ⋆｡ ˚ ༝

ahh i cant believe its finished omg😔💔...

anyways, onto the next one😍🙏

again please lmk what you think of this and please give me requests on what to do next!!

[deathdetermineslife]

art history selfship playlist analysis pt 2 🥀📜

happy gay tuesday , part two to this post ! analyzing more songs on my playlist !! this is 60/163 (still dunno how many songs I'm cutting out of the analysis. you'll find out. eventually.) okay enjoy !!!

vanilla curls - teddy hyde

"if I'm a bitter cold, then you're the remedy."

shockingly. a happy song on this playlist. one of the few. one of the fuckin few. just being hopelessly, irrevocably in love with someone.

kitchen fan lullaby - claire boyer

sad humming with a fan in the background . feels like remembering when times were easier and more simple. goes well for both of us !

I can't live here anymore - daughter

pls do not tell me I'm the only one who puts an insane amount of sad instrumentals on their selfship playlist . I dunno !!! I don't even know what to say about them anymore bc there's just SO many . this one has sexy electric guitar in it too . scrumptious.

13 angels stand guard round the side of your bed - silver mt. zion

yea I mean u know what I'm gonna say about this one . youve probably heard this song in those spooky ooooo scary TikTok videos so spoop but I find this song very comforting and like ? gentle ? like yea. 13 angels standing guard round the side of your bed. they're singing at me. I love them . the strings in the latter half of the song also just feel like . GUESS WHAT . grief. anyways this is one of my favorite songs ever and I think you should listen to it if you can get past the beginning part if the choir of angels unsettles you.

everybody loves somebody - dean martin

"your love made it well worth waiting for someone like you."

honestly exactly that . your love made it well worth waiting for someone like you to come around . I am grateful he is who I found .

heartaches - al bowley

"your kiss was such a sacred thing to me, I can't believe it's just a burning memory"

this is very angsty . so he dies . and I'm . remembering him . in death . see . see . see /silly

I miss your warm hands - I don't like mirrors

sad instrumental number 83926291891 . it reminds me also of his death . missing him, missing holding him, missing having someone near me . missing the companionship and love that he gave me. yearning for that again.

goodnight dad I love you - wishing

another sad instrumental by mitch welling (guy from flatsound, this is his other band) I heavily heavily associate with grief and loss. if you could or could not tell, grief is a big theme in my playlist. this song feels very empty. very lonely.

untitled #9 - sigur ros

similar to 13 angels, a lot of people think this song is scary , and I just don't see it . it's so soft , also reminds me of a choir of angels singing to me as I mourn someone's death .

dawn in the adan - ichiko aoba

"even then, in the end, you'll cradle my head in your arms." (english translation)

other than this song just being very pretty, it again . SHOCKINGLY . reminds of his death . oh how I yearn to have gotten to hold him.

sober to death - car seat headrest

"take your hands off your neck and hold on to the ghost of my body, you know good lives make bad stories."

I was gonna also pick "don't think it'll always be this way, not comforted by anything I say . just the like ,,, your suffering was worth something , and don't think that's all you'll ever be that I interpret this song as . also death . hardy har har .

savior complex - phoebe bridgers

"all the bad dreams that you have, show me yours and I'll show you mine."

"Lachlan why do you have a song called savior complex on your selfship playlist" silence , egg , we can have some angst as a treat (more like a feast since that's all y'all gettin) . this lyric just kinda hits me in the sad bone I dunno . no good explanation for this .

may you never forget me - temachii

"look for no other in your eyes, only I, only I."

this song is very soft and pretty and also very accurate to how I feel about. him . may you never forget me even in YOU GUESSED IT death man we should keep track of how many of these songs on my playlist remind me of death so shocking coming from a man of my username .

in the land - nicole dollanganger

I don't really have a lyric in particular I wanna pull from this bug really just the whole song reminds me of kiyo and I both in separate but the same way that I would rather not Get Into On The Tumblrs . as it is Sad .

only angels have wings - nicole dollanganger

"if I was an angel, I'd be begging them to cut the wings off me, just so I could be here with you, darling. and maybe that's crazy of em, but it's true."

he's evil and I'm not and I'm going to hell with this bastard come hell (haha) or high water . this song is REALLY the me and kiyo song I Think . maybe that crazy of me, but it's true !!! literally !!!!!!! I would cut off my wings and stay with him wherever he goes .

700 club - nicole dollanganger

"dumbfounded by the glow of your gold halo, oh god, I can't believe I'm staring at a living angel."

"Kiyo's going to hell" I say . I say . okay listen in my defense he's like an angel to mmeeee ... lucifer was an angel once . surely . and kiyo is my angel amen !!!!!!!!!!

we will commit wolf murder - of montreal

"now I'm considered ugly from every angle, you're the only beauty I don't wanna strangle."

I have no fucking idea what this song is about nor do I care because I think it reminds me of kiyo . moreso him than us as a couple . ,, , , , , very heavy on the murder imagery. as most of these songs ARE .

mom told me everything will be okay - gab sadie

very soft and sad and . mournful . reminds of like a soft summers night . when you're just kinda laying around reflecting on things which makes me think of kiyo a lot . basically kitchen fan lullaby

punish - ethel cain

"only God knows, only God would believe that I was an angel, but they made me leave. I am punished by love."

I can write you an analysis on why this song reminds me deeply of kiyo . backstory things mainly . and also myself hence why it's on the selfship playlist . Ethel Cain never stop making music that hurts my soul on a deep spiritual level .

puppy princess - hot freaks

"all I want is you."

brief happiness break for one, count em, ONE song ! that's it it's just fun and sillay and upbeat . okay back to the sadness !

cry - cigarettes after sex

"I swear I'll only make you cry."

oh relationship insecurity I love you . no baby dw you're not gonna do that I'm gonna prove you wrong and show you that I love you and you don't need to be afraid of that. is that what this song is actually about ? no not really .

lovers rock - tv girl

"are you sick of me? would you like to be?"

this song is very . like . I feel when I listen to it like I'm hitting on him . god in bad at that . mainly just that first lyric . are you sick of me yet ??? you wanna be ??? :DD YOU WILL BE !!!!! [happy]

blood brothers - nicole dollanganger

"a part of me will always live in you. I'll love all your demons because now, they're my demons too."

did y'all also have the weird experience in the 5th grade of being taught about blood born pathogens and being told what blood brothers were and you were like "why would any like combine their blood with someone else's that's odd" and now you're a Freak . ? no ? Okay . WELL . also the rest of this song just feels very sweet to me .

always forever - cults

"just come here and we can settle down."

domestic goodness with my husband can I get an amen . my husband my husband my husband hehehehehe ..that is all . . ,.

terrarium - robinson's village

this song feels kinda empty and cold and I like that a lot . reminds me of . death what who said that ? anyways ..

comatose - skillet

"I don't wanna live, I don't wanna breathe, less I feel you next to me, you take the pain I feel."

self explanatory . that and, "I don't wanna sleep, I don't wanna dream, cause my dreams don't comfort me the way you make me feel" because shockingly I barely Ever have Kiyo dreams . GET IN MY HEAD , BOY !!!!!!!!!!!!! auhg .. anyways ...

pink in the night - mitski

"and I know I kissed you before, but, I didn't do it right, can I try again?"

other than the fact I wanna kiss this man a million times . sometimes it like . I wanna . . I wanna just redo the beginning of our relationship over and over because I just wanna love him forever and forever TAHATFAHFGAGAB you know what I Mean . ? not enough mitski on this playlist .

first love late spring - mitski

"please, hurry, leave me, I can't breathe, please don't say you love me."

don't love me !!! don't !!! why do you do it !!! I would do anything for you !!! please, just go away !!! also one time j had a really angsty dream about this song with Kiyo in it and I've just kinda associated it with him since.

(dream) - salvia palth

guess What . yea nothing to add to this you got the drill sad instrumental reminds me of grief blah blah blah .

pain - three days grace

"I know that you're wounded, you know that in here to save you, you know that I'm always here for you, I know that you'll thank me later."

when I added this to the list I was like ? hmm is this too freaky ? no ? I don't think ? it's not meant to be unless I feel like it that day so take this in a non freaky way . he saved me . I will thank him later and forever thank u very much . also it's just fucking angsty in a real edgy way . and I like that a lot it reminds me of them fucking shadow the hedgehog amvs I used to watch as a kid . hashtag nostalgia .

okay more of these soon !!! bye bye now !

[redbeanbunsworld-if]

"Daily" Update

Man, I was so busy this week that it's a bit crazy. I mean, aside from those artworks and multiple variations of The Reprieve (seriously judging my life choices). Anyway, Chapter 3 is coming along well. 🙈🙈My heart hurts so much omg. The shit that goes down in Chapter 3 Route 2 is insane. I will give you guys a little...sneak peek next time.

Tears of Tianchao

Chapter 3 is coming along well. To be fair, I have an easier time writing Route 1 compared to Route 2. My current max word count goal is 150k (75k per route), and I honestly hope I can keep to it. Chapter 2 went 30k over the set limit, and it was a bit crazy. It isn't because I don't know what I want to write, but rather, I have to remind myself that this isn't a novel in the end and that I can be more flexible with the word count, which in itself gave me the liberty to write extra things. Still, I would like the number of chapters that I have planned to come to fruition without a shitton of words overshadowing it. I know that there are IFs out there with 200k chapters, and honestly, great for them. But damn, I'm a bit stupid, so...I am aiming for maximum, MAXIMUM, 1 million for the entire IF. I mean, if it goes over that...it is what it is.

As the Green Willow Wilts

I mean, nothing to say, to be fair. It's almost done.

Midnights of the Drowsy Owl

I mean...it'll come along eventually.

Personal life update

I have to come clear about something. I know that I'm a bit private and don't really bring personal information or thoughts as much as possible into the blog. Still, I think it's right for me to do so, and I would like to share what's been on my mind. Of course, no need to read it. <3

Honestly, last year was a difficult time in my life, and I left writing altogether. Tears of Tianchao wasn't even my main project (the only public one, though), so I am truly grateful to everyone who stuck around. I know that it's also unrealistic for me to wait for people to come back, just as you guys believed it was unrealistic to expect me to do this regularly. But I definitely want to give this a great ending, considering that this is more than a game to me, and that it's history and a huge part of a world that I created in the past. So, with the personal expectation, and the desire to connect with you guys over this silly little story, I will make sure to give you guys a story worth thinking over (and maybe a bit of angst, just a bit eheh).

Thank you for all the support and love you've given me, guys. I know I'm not really very open on anything personal from my end, but I hope you know how grateful I am for the support I receive. <3<3<3

[taegularities]

If I can be so honest your comment about 'but I know the ending, i don't need to share it' re - finishing the series left a really bad taste in my mouth. I've followed your blog since the amortentia chronicles, i've always loved reading your work and left feedback, but the posts you tend to put up now along the lines of 'seems like there's no interest anymore' before/after each chapter put me off continuing to leave feedback because what I do leave isn't enough? The numbers you get for C&F & CMI, multi part series which have spanned literal years and with you, through absolutley no fault of your own, being away from the community at times, are insane, I don't know any other series like them that can pull those kinds of numbers and have people writing paragraphs of love about them in your asks and it's a testament to the community you've built. Of course they're not going to get the same numbers the first few chapters got, it will never work like that.

I make and share content of my own and I understand how important feedback is but I do it because I love and enjoy it, if you don't have the energy or passion to carry on the series then don't do it. These posts about lack of feedback, almost like we're running an engagment crowdfunder to unlock a new chapter always just make me feel so weird as if we're dragging you through cement against your will to write 🤷‍♀️

sigh look idk what to tell you except the things i always say when i receive asks like this one. i write bc i love the characters and the stories, not because somebody's forcing me to. but it's a fact that feedback and interaction motivates writers. and it's not only the case here on tumblr – it's literally the same in general media, too. tv shows or books or movies get cancelled bc ppl stop caring. i know i don't earn any money with my fics, but the power readers have is extremely valuable and makes us want to keep doing what we do. and i share my stuff, so people can tell me what they think and whether they liked it and because i want to talk about the stories i love sm with someone. like if people don't interact, why am i sharing them

and i am not the only writer talking about this. yeah, you're right, i was gone for a long time due to reasons i had no control over – c&f was supposed to drop back in february. i do feel terrible for leaving for so long… i didn't think i'd get sick for months lol and i know this was one reason for the blog being so overall quiet. but you know what leaves a bad taste in my mouth? hyping stuff up and seeing people be super excited about it and commenting and then me getting very excited, too, and then not seeing half of these people ever again after drop day. i wrote c&f not bc anyone dragged me through cement, but because i loved the characters and would've finished the story either way. but i was motivated bc yall motivated me and i got through the scenes despite all the health issues and life, and then to get barely anything back for 20k words does leave a bad taste in my mouth, too. and i'm not the only writer saying this.

i'm also not only about interaction, bc if i was i'd be posting a popular genre fic here every week. i write when i want to which literally proves that i love my ocs and jks and come back bc i miss them, not bc i'm like 'oh i'm gonna get so many asks for this'. but it helps. it helps to see that people are just as enthusiastic as well and want to talk about it. tbh, i am so freaking grateful for all the love i have ever received on here, but it is true that interaction has waned, trust me. i didn't get a single reblog with a comment on this c&f chapter. i am really happy for you that you have your own reasons to create stories, but that doesn't mean i'm not allowed to be sad about everyone's disappearance, yk? tysm for supporting me, but if i'm being v annoying with my stuff, i am okay with you not interacting if it helps you create a safe space for you. i do appreciate you, but your ask did kind of make me feel shitty, too idk

[solei-eclipse]

hi para! i hope this doesn’t seem disingenuous or something just because two other people have sent asks regarding this same content but… i actually really care about you and i want you to know that it’s okay you may not post a lot about the original alien stage or just not be that interested in it in general. i’ve been like, your biggest fan since probably march (or earlier) of this year. i’ll tell you right now that i was really scared to reach out, interact, or talk to you because at the time, i had been using my real name on my blog and i was unsure if i wanted to go by it here just yet, so i only waited for you to post something new most days. i wasn’t really doing so great back then, because i was a little stressed and i had so much pressure piled up on me because of my rehearsals, my homework, my piano lessons, and life in general. i think your blog really kept me motivated and interested in alien stage (+ many other things) and i was always so excited to see a new post from you.

that being said, you’ve been one of my favorite people in the alien stage fandom and i freaked out in the best way possible when you followed me back. i don’t want you to feel pressured to post on shakingparadigm and i don’t want you to feel like you’re not being appreciative of your followers. i still love your content, para, and i want you to know that. when my life was going through a rough patch, when i was losing sleep during tech week, when i was working at my school on a weekend due to hosting a theater tournament, when i felt empty for days at a time, your blog was always there to keep me happy and i’ll never forget that. you’re really a wonderful person, and i want you to know that because you helped me so much without knowing it, i’d do that for you too. you don’t have to post very often for me to still enjoy everything you put out. please know that no matter what happens, i still cherish the memories i have of reading your posts and knowing that at least someone out there is as insane about alien stage as i am. it doesn’t matter to me what changes about you or your blog. i’ll always be your number one fan, so thank you for all you’ve done for me! i’m so so so so so grateful for everything. i care about you, and you deserve everything good in life. you’re not a content machine. you can take breaks. please take your time, and don’t rush yourself. you’ve always been human to me. nothing will ever EVER change that. i’ll never demand more content from you, and nobody ever should.

remember to drink water, get good sleep, and eat! i hope i worded this well… if it’s confusing or if it weirded you out, i’m sorry! i just really want you to know i care.

JUNE???? I teared up at this June. I don't know what to do with myself aaagh

I genuinely have no words. This means so much to me... No seriously I actually have no words right now I'm just. WOW. For that long?! I remember I was barely anyone back in March... mostly just talking to myself and the 3 or 4 people that interacted with me every now and then. I can't believe you've been with me for so long! June!!!!

I had no idea I could ever mean something like that to someone, I just started posting into the void and hoped I could be heard somehow. I don't know what to say... I'm really touched, and really grateful that I was able to help you in that way even though I was just spouting bullshit most of the time. I'm sorry to hear that you went through so much stress during that time, and all I can do is hope that you're in a better place. I'm proud of you for getting past that period. Stay strong!! I believe in you June!!

I'm so in awe. Thank you so much for your appreciation and your time and your patience. It always shakes me whenever someone deems me worthy of those things... I'll always be grateful for them. Thank you, thank you thank you thank you for deeming me worthwhile. It genuinely pulls at my heartstrings to think about.

Please don't call yourself just a fan, you're my friend and ever since we started interacting more here I've seen you that way. Your posts are so intriguing and your art is absolutely fantastic. It's such a joy to see all the wonderful things you make. I'm the one who should be grateful for bearing witness to all of it!

Thank you for your reassurance, I promise I'll try to take better care of myself. I want you to look after yourself too, please! I know you're still dealing with a lot right now, so don't forget that everything applies to you too. I wish you luck with all your endeavors and I hope you come out the other side just fine. I care about you as well, and i want you to know that you deserve all the good things in life, too! All the good things and more. I wish you the best!

This means so much to me. I keep saying that for so many things but that's just because it's true. It makes me laugh, actually, to realize how wrong I was on other people's perception of me. It's through everyone's kindness that I realize I should probably start being kinder to myself. You've helped me so much without knowing, too. I wholeheartedly thank you for it ...

Don't beat yourself up over anything. It's not at all disingenuous or confusing or weird. It's so achingly genuine that upon receiving the notification for this I dropped to the floor and stared at it unable to process. Thank you for your incredibly sweet and kind words, June, I'll be thinking about them for an incredibly long time. I care for you too, please remember that, and if you ever need help with anything don't be afraid to reach out. I'll be here <3

[blackdigitalrose]

Sat - Delicious Party♡Precure - EP 23 - 25

Get to it eventually, the magical bunny is quite the distraction ^^;

EP 23

Good grief, some of these parent/child relationships in Precure certainly make you feel thankful and grateful for what you have. So many broken homes in this franchise.

Actual parental/adult intervention, haven't seen much of that so far. (Although Rosemary wasn't even there earlier? How did he come into the mix unless Yui's Mum commented about him?)

I swear, I keep forgetting they have these, they scarcely ever use them.

It's the small things but that's a development.

Gotta appreciate how much effort her parents put in to make amends and try and make things right again as they realise they've messed up. It was quite a nice resolve on the whole. Although, why did Yum Yum get the outro on what was clearly a Kokone ep? It's nicer when they match.

EP 24

While Rosemary and Kome Kome interacting is a nice touch in the background, why are they there and not just left the girls to it? Also isn't Amane in a higher year than the other three?

Not exactly debunking that, shared single brain cell theory.

So where exactly did Pam Pam go in between? The same again with creating the Ubau-zo. (Yeah, the ep was actually a Pam Pam/Kome Kome fall out ep but geez was that uninteresting and easily forgotten about. ) Also, Finale just cutting mid-combat to join in with the group pose, just what?

And Black Pepper with that crazy marksmanship, right through the middle of the three, that's just insane aim, it isn't a large space and then proceeds to get the short straw in everything else. (But yeah, those Tuxedo Mask comments are making more sense with each ep that goes by.)

If it leads to a bigger fight further down, Finale vs Narcistoru was fine, it was a good taster, if not its underwhelming and should have been more. Although, this guy has a more unhinged side we're not getting to see.

Also Kome Kome advanced again, I'm sure an explanation for her is coming at some point. They make too much of a fuss of it for it not to.

EP 25

Ha, Niko Niko campsite...dangit Wonderful... all it needed was that by chance unicorn like mascot.

And that may just be the weirdest kitchen utensil yet but using the pot that Yui forgot got a chuckle, of all the potential items, that's just rubbing it in.

And yet only captured one Receipeppi for the Ubau-zo in a campsite with many appearing.

Not to be difficult but what happened to his bus? Did he make it home or sleep in the bushes and snuck off in the morning?

How very Shonen of you Precious, think you've got your franchises in a muddle. Still, show, are you telling me the only reason the number goes up is because she's more determined? I dunno what to make of that, it feels lacking as if a bit more reason behind it, you don't see anyone else's upgrading or signs of being different?

So, no real mid-season peak but judging by the next few ep titles, it may be running a bit late? Also alot of Kokone and Kome Kome eps for some reason?

[anarchristie]

A little essay about Christie and the Vi of it All. ( Or how I lost myself in a Vi Chemical Romance.)

This really isn't for anyone but myself, but I needed a place I could write it all down and not lose it to a million distractions beforehand. Apologies if this is less coherent essay, and more a various stream of consciousness rants loosely connected by the Pink haired lesbian show. Plus there's a number of baby queers on this platform, maybe this will resonate with someone. Expect it to be updated as needed, it's very much of work in progress.

Last night (12/21/2024) I was on a Twitch stream that I co-founded for an annual list of things that sparked joy in 2024. I'll save my expanded reasons for Travel and Twitch for bsky, but my overall pick was Arcane Season 2. We were pressed for time, so I gave a fairly short version of what I wanted to say (That it's very good and super queer, both of which is very true!), but that's only like 2/3rds of the reason why it topped my list. The other third would be the aforementioned Vi of it all.

That's her. That's Violet. I think she's neat.

If you've watched Arcane (Netflix/Blueray/UHD) it's not particularly hard to root for Vi. She's arguably the show's main character, and someone who goes through *A LOT* throughout the show's run, to a nearly comedic degree. Which I think that's what ultimately made the difference of being fan of the character to making her my whole ass gender. (She is Visexual!)

2024 was a rough year for me, despite experiencing some incredible highs. I had to be a *LOT* of peoples emotional support transwoman, which while ultimately not an issue because I love the homies, it adds up after awhile. Money could have been better, and was often a source of concern for me. I got fucking Lyme disease, had to bury a friend, and a parent. I watched as the rise of global fascism continued as this country flat up said "fuck Queer people" either via action or inaction. 60% of my sector got laid off and while I'm happy I still have a job, there's now a new level of uncertainly regarding that. Several friends pulled some bullshit to a degree I still do not get, but that's ultimately their problem in the end not mine, the aftermath of those decisions aside. It's a lot, even if I left some stuff out because I'm doing my best not to trauma dump, and I'm grateful for therapy, a strong support network, and a amazing partner that gets me in a way very few people did.

Major Spoilers for Arcane begin here:

Arcane starts with Vi losing her mother at an extremely young age due to police violence. THAT IS HOW THIS SHOW STARTS CHAT. During the course of 18 episodes (19? Fuck math.) She would go on to lose her found family, spend several years in prison, find out her sister has gone from tortured genius to....well okay I really like Jinx, and think her whole arc is great, but Jinx goes through her stuff and kills some people, which is problematic. Vi's stabbed, shot at, beaten and this is all JUST in the 1st season! Season 2 isn't any easier on my girl, but I would feel bad listing all of that in the event someone missed the spoiler warning above. It's a lot, even for a fictional character from a video game known for an extremely toxic playbase.

But that's thing; that's the appeal. Vi is a queer woman who takes a lot of punches and gets knocked down. Anyone would. She's hurt by a lot of people, some of them people who undoubtedly love her but are also going through some shit. But she gets back up every time. She fights through an insane amount of tragedy because it's the right thing to do, morally and for herself, and because she want her happy ending. One that I would argue she earns, despite some terrible losses by the time the credits rolled, and one that will stick with me for a long time. She's also allowed to be messy queer, and have an extremely messy relationship with her girlfriend in a day and age where queer romance is actively being removed from media, or water down to the point it might as well be implied.

Arcane season 1 was barely on my radar when it premiered in November 2021. I had played a little LoL prior to that, and even then I was a Jinx/Ms Fortune/ADC one trick. Hearing Jinx had a sizeable role in Arcane was the reason I tuned in, but it was Vi's story that kept me invested. Invested to the point that a month later at PAX Unplugged, a Vi cosplayer casually wandering by finally made me realize how uncomfortable I was in my own skin, and that the only solution to that was to transitioning. Fast forward to Fall 2024, I'm years deep in the estrogen, have pink hair, preferred pronouns and an iconic eyebrow notch.

It's amazing what a piece of media could do for someone. During my marriage falling apart in 2016, I found comfort in My Chemical Romance's "Famous Last Words" and David Lynch/Mark Frost's "Twin Peaks", to the point where I could say both of those saved my life. I got a tattoo of lyrics for the later, because it felt right as a first tattoo. Arcane didn't save my life, but god damn, did it ever make me strive for a better one (see the dysphoria). Vi is the inspiration: she's the reason why I try to build community, why I fight for trans rights, why I work out, why in a room full of content creators with more impressive resumes, I went out of my way to establish myself as the baddest bitch in the room and aggressively transfemme. It's more than just a comfort show, it's a roadmap to make me the best version of myself that I can be, that's why it's something that's made me the happiest in this absolute clusterfuck of a year.

[snailfriend777]

Blogpost: Looking Back on 2024

very long and rambling post under the cut. feel free to skip, or read on at your leisure!

folks! it's december!

how did the time pass so quickly? this year has just vanished. and yet, january feels like forever ago. weird how that happens.

tbh 2024 has probably been one of the best years of my life like. in general. my winter semester of my first year, followed by my summer job at a historic site in my hometown, followed by the fall semester (which just ended) have made for three genuinely fun thirds of the year.

through the winter/spring I had some truly phenomenal classes, saw the eclipse at 99% totality, and got to see one of my favourite bands (idkhow) live in concert - from the second row!

after school ended I went back home and started my job, and also got on antidepressants (which, goddamn, make a huge difference. the first few weeks were insane, everything felt colourful and beautiful). spending four months working in tourism and learning about history was genuinely so much fun, I got to meet people from all around the world and work with some genuinely amazing human beings (and non-humans, shoutout to the barn cats) every day. I'm looking forward to going back at the end of the month and seeing everyone again!

I also had a few fun trips this summer - I went camping, and visited the states for a weekend. saw some really neat things at both locations.

this is probably one of my favourite photos I took this summer, from out the front of the canoe. we paddled like six hours that day and while the portages were buggy and awful, being on the water was gorgeous.

at the end of august I came back down south, and promptly cut and dyed my hair. I was teal again after nearly a year of it being dark! huzzah! I'd been looking forward to getting it dyed but tbh it doesn't feel as much me as it used to. I'll be dyeing it dark again soon.

my fall classes were, for the most part, superb. by far my favourite was a music and politics class taught by my favourite professor, who I'd had for two classes last year. this was the first time I'd had seminars led by him, though, and they were as great as I could've imagined. I took to following him upstairs to his office afterwards, typically along with one or two other students, where we'd chat normally for about half an hour until he had to leave. through most of the semester there was a bit of a saga ongoing - seeking, finding, replacing, and eventually discarding, a copy of Paul Simon's Graceland on vinyl. for some reason two different copies both refused to play on my record player, despite working fine on other people's. the saga ended with the second copy being given to another student in the class, and my prof instead giving me a copy of one of his favourite jazz albums, which I have listened to a number of times and absolutely adore.

I was really disappointed that he's not teaching any courses next term, but I've talked with him a bit and he's agreed to take me on as a kind of research assistant, to help me build a syllabus for this class idea I've had brewing. I'm absolutely thrilled by this, of course, and am infinitely grateful for the opportunity to continue learning from him.

my other classes were a bit more of a mixed bag. I was in a brand new class with five other students, and it was awesome, I loved the prof for that one as well. he really broke down the stuff we were discussing (heavy cultural theory) in understandable ways and was super approachable. he told us a lot of stories, gave us a lot of advice, and made what had the potential to be a super dry class, really really fun and absolutely worth taking. my friend in that class and I both got convinced by him to take advanced masters when we're in our fourth year lol, we'll see how that goes.

my other three classes were really where the semester fell flat. I wish I could've been as engaged and into them as those first two classes, but ig they can't all be winners. these ones were largely just average.

I'm also officially on testosterone! as of November 21rst! big yay. I can't wait for my voice to drop, it'll make my dysphoria lessen so so much.

now that we're into exam season and classes are over, I've really been in grind-mode, pumping out often over 1k words a day on days that I'm writing. being blessed with the ability to lock in is truly an honour.

the next week and a half is going to be rough - I've got to write around 5k words in that span of time to get all my assignments done before their deadlines, plus I've got an in-person exam (which I disagree with as a matter of principle, but that's another ramble post for another day) so I'll be pretty busy.

overall though, I'm very glad to be where I am right now. it has its ups and downs but it's a good life. unbelievable what a difference a year can make to one's mental health. despite everything going on globally rn, for the first time in my life I feel I can picture my future. I have goals and aspirations. it's incredible.

if you've made it this far,

damn! you didn't have to read all that! this is just me rambling about my year! thanks for sticking around though.

if you're interested, please feel free to leave a note for me on my Christmas tree - I'll be able to read all the notes on Christmas day. I've only got a few so far and I'd love to see my tree get covered in ornaments!

and now: this year's favs!

albums:

tracy chapman - self titled

idkhow - gloom division

paul simon - graceland

stan rogers - from fresh water

jukebox the ghost - cheers

will wood - the new normal (normal album 2024 edit)

olenka and the autumn lovers - self titled

bug hunter - the rough draft

books:

tbh I didn't read a whole lot of books this year, just stuff for classes and work! it's a short list of favs.

Many Tender Ties - Sylvia Van Kirk

Waiting for Godot - Samuel Beckett

Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen (I think the only book I read entirely for pleasure this whole year lol)

podcasts:

sherlock and co

the magnus protocol

sleepy

hello from the hallowoods

stellar firma

pseudopod

malevolent

tv/film:

buffy the vampire slayer

house md

criminal minds

gentleman jack

good omens (yes, still)

jane eyre (miniseries)

pride and prejudice (1996 miniseries)

if you've got a little free time over your December and you're interested in checking any of these out, please DM me with your thoughts! I'd love to converse.

all in all it's been a pretty dope year, I think. no year is without its faults, of course, I've lost friends, injured myself just. so many times (shoutout to the historic bakery at my job, the witness to all my cuts, scrapes, burns, bashes, and splinters). and have lost a lot of sleep doing things that really could've waited until the next morning. but all in all I'm a pretty happy camper and am looking forward to what 2025 has in store!

here's to the last month of 2024, may we come out the other end as unscathed as we were going in 🥂

[sweetlywingedcreation]

📻 what are some things tye and gabe feel for each other 👀

oh, you have no idea what you've unleashed!!!!

I know the ask is supposed to be one random song but you're getting 3 from each playlist because these boys make have made me insane for YEARS now amd i'll explode if i don't gush about them.

Gonna put them under a read more cause there is so much lol

thank you for asking and enjoy <3

my number 3 songs for Tye about Gabe:

Strawberry Mentos - Leanna Firestone

During their travels to get Tye's halo back and get intel on the Angel Trappers that had captured Tye the boys travel from town to town. It's slow going since Tye is still recovering from losing his wing. He goes through a pretty bad bout of depression and Gabe notices.

One day Gabe comes back with a lil bag full of Tye's favourite candies to cheer him up, something Tye only off-handedly mentioned once a few days back. That incredibly small but overwhelmingly thoughtful gesture, the fact he even remembered, is the very first spark for Tye that makes him realise he might feel something more for Gabe.

Favourite Lines:

You're deliberately kind, you make efforts to share your time You're not afraid of your feelings, and you're not afraid of mine I never knew love could be soft, I never knew love could be light And now I'm so helplessly sugar high on you

Ready Now - Dodie

Back to Tye's depression for a sec. During their whole adventure, Gabriel is only ever short with Tye once. The rest of the time he's patient, lets Tye open up slowly which he eventually does. Gabe gives him the room to recover from losing his wing both physically and mentally and he's forever grateful for it.

Favourite lines:

Something new, something strange Ten feet taller, I had changed I believe you, I'm not wrong Oh, it suits me to feel strong You said "I will listen, tell me it all You don't like the ending? Then we'll find one that's yours" Oh, how did you know? That's all we need? A promise of hope Is enough to feel free

Things That Make it Warm - Cavetown

this is mostly just vibes since the rest of the song doesn't super fit but like...

Tye loses his wing and then his depression and other injuries make it hard to groom the other one so Gabriel does it for him. Wing grooming is a bonding ritual between Angels and those they trust (friends, family, etc) so he's initially nervous about letting a guy he's known for like a week do it but it easily becomes the best part of each night. Gabriel is gentle with him. cautious of his injuries and it just makes him feel warm inside. Reminds him of the home he probably won't ever see again.

Favourite lines:

My feathers seem to have taken the brunt of the storm They are feeling pretty worn We finally found shelter tucked away inside a wall Though for now it's pretty small

my number 3 songs for Gabe about Tye:

Aphrodite - The Ridleys

First off i know about the bad luck surrounding comparing others to Aphrodite ESPECIALLY because she was my matron deity for a while but like cmon man...

It's Gabriel pining over Tye secretly (this is a VERY common theme in his playlist lmao)

He thinks he's the most beautiful thing to ever grace all three planes even when his feathers are all messy or he's all snotty from crying.

Tye is sweet torture when they're not together and when they finally do get together he can't believe how fucking lucky he is to be cosmically paired with this breathtakingly beautiful man.

Favourite lines:

I see the galaxies when I look in your eyes And I, can't speak, no, I, can't speak at all I swear to Zeus, you're Aphrodite in disguise Don't think that you could hide it from me Oh, no, I never thought I'd get this close to someone so divine Oh, I, can't breathe, no, I, can't breathe at all Aphrodite, could you, could you please be mine? Oh Could you please be mine? Oh, mine

"Do You Wanna Be Friends?" - Leanna Firestone

Gabriel pining part 2 but this time sadder.

It's about the Soulmate stuff.

One night in their travels they talk about stuff and the question of their soulmates comes up.

Neither have found theirs yet and without Tye's Halo he won't ever have confirmation if he does find a demon with his mark.

They talk about what they'd do if they never found their other half. Tye says he'd wait forever if he had to, that he wouldn't want to hurt either his Soulmate OR his potential future partner.

When Gabriel realizes his feelings he's stuck. Even though he didn't care about finding his Soulmate or whatever but Tye did.

He doesn't ever want to put Tye in the position of having to choose but he's also too afraid to show Tye his mark incase they didn't match because he can't imagine a world where they're apart anymore.

So he pines quietly, puts all of his affection in friendly gestures. Buying Tye his favourite candies, grooming his wing, helping make his cane etc

Favourite lines:

And so we'll be friends And I'll be okay The world won't end If you don't love me Even if it feels that way

Suneater - Leanna Firestone

This one is also for vibes???

I just think the lyrics accurately describe Tye in my brain and therefore in Gabe's too.

Favourite lines:

And I see the whole galaxy in your eyes And I long to tell you But I think it'll only make you shy You got the heart of a Leo But you're sweet like a Pisces And the only thing I know is I think I might be falling for The boy who swallowed the sun

And last but not least one from BOTH their playlists that kinda started their playlists to begin with and it would be a crime not to mention (EDIT: i checked the playlists and there's one song that predates LE by like a month but i assume its because i wasn't fully committed to making the playlist yet)

Life Eternal - Ghost

Its self-explanatory really... It's more vibes and soulmate bullshit :}

Favourite lines:

Can you hear me say your name forever? Can you see me longing for you forever, forever? Would you let me touch your soul forever? Can you feel me longing for you forever, forever?

It was the main catalyst for a whole series of drawings I did for them that really shaped my art for the better

Like this speedpaint and the drawing after are only a year apart and I might just do a third. Make this piece a yearly or semiannually thing

Anyways

if you made it all the way down here you are a fucking real one. Thank you for reading my 3-5 am rambles about 2 motherfuckers who I made all the way back in HIGHSCHOOL, forgot about until 2021 or 2022 and then proceeded to irreparably change my brain chemistry.

One day i'll actually work on their book/webcomic but until then

<3

[the-b-journal]

Lady Miss Detty Episode 2 Truth Talking - The Essay 13 June 2024

How I Started Loving Men in Wigs

I witnessed a live drag performance for the first time ever yesterday and it was E.V.E.R.Y.T.H.I.N.G.

It was my first time attending a pride-related event and it did NOT disappoint. I had so much fun with Rica and some of my friends from class. We were dancing and singing and just having a great time. I still can't believe i got to see Maxie and all the other amazing queens. I've always loved international drag queens but seeing some local ones, let alone from my own university, i cannot stress enough how incredibly proud i was.

I discovered drag back in 2020 when there was a pandemic going on and i had nothing better to do than scroll thru tiktok. Every now and then i would come across some videos of Trixie and Katya from their show UNHhhh. Back then, i had no idea who they were. I'm aware that they're men dressed as women, of course, but i didn't know that it's called drag and that there is a whole world centered around it. Still, i found myself finishing and liking their videos because they make me laugh and also because i was very attracted to the both of them (i still am!)

One day, i came across this video of Katya and Violet where they were doing a Fashion Photo Ruview of their season 7 sisters. I'm not even joking one bit when i tell you that my heart literally stopped when i saw that video of Violet for the first time. She was wearing this dominatrix leather outfit and she had like a half-up, half-down black wig with styling at the front (i don't know how to fucking describe a wig please spare me) and thought, "Oh my god. I've never seen a more beautiful human being in my life." And when i heard her laugh for the first time in that same video? It was over for me. I was done. She got me from that moment.

Until now, the effect she has on me is insane. She's just so unnaturally beautiful and confident and i fucking love her for it. Her drag aesthetic is IT for me. I was so into her that i made a drag race twitter stan account four years ago because i was going out of my mind keeping my love for her to myself. I think my account lasted for a good couple of months then i had to delete it because she did something stupid and people were hating on her. During that time, i accumulated quite a number of followers and made a couple of hit tweets about Violet making me known as one of the Violet Chacki stan account.

My account was doing so good and i made some drag race friends and i really felt like i was part of a community. But then shit hit the fan and people started accusing her of doing something bad so i decided to just delete it permanently. I'm a libra making me very bad at confrontations and there was no way in hell i'm gonna fight for my life everyday trying to defend her name when she doesn't even know i existed. And i think whatever people were saying about her, some of them was probably true. Because no matter how much i love her and how beautiful she is, she's still just a person. She's still a man.

So i left drag race stan twitter and just focused on other queens that aren't Violet. Mainly, Trixie and Katya. Talking about them and what their friendship means to me will never fail to make me emotional. Their videos are what started this whole thing for me and i cannot be grateful enough that those two white bald men exists. I remember back then, i was going through something rough and the only thing that got me through the day was their UNHhhh and I Like To Watch videos. In the process of getting to know T & K, i also got to know drag race and RuPaul and the thousands of other queens that the show produced. For some people it's reversed. They usually watch drag race first and after watching the queen on the show then they would watch other videos or shows that that queen has been on.

For me though, this might be a controversial take, but i actually don't watch drag race. The competing aspect of it is not for me. I don't like watching them lose and be sent home. It breaks my heart every single time. No matter who the queen is. So what i do instead is that if a queen on the show piqued my interest whether it be because of how she looked or how she performs, etc., then i would search her on youtube and start hyper fixating on her for a couple of weeks like a freaking neurotic. That way, i would actually know what that queen's personality is when there is no pressure of competition. This is just my personal take, everybody's different and me, personally, i don't really appreciate competitive shows.

With that being said, i'm going to confess that i've actually never finished a full season of drag race. I almost did with All Stars 7 but i think i got kinda busy so i just forgot about it. Drag race philippines too but i stopped watching when Brigiding got elimanated because she was my bias and i was rooting for her so hard that i cannot bring myself to watch her leave and not make it to the finale. Almost too with Marina on UK vs the World but again, i never finished it for some reason. I used to be embarrassed about this little fact but i think there's nothing to be embarrassed about. I love these queens because they deserve it and work hard for it. Whether i finished their season on drag race or not doesn't really fucking matter.

I'm thinking of writing more about Trixie and Katya but i think they deserve an essay that is solely about them. They have helped me through so much of my shit in life that i feel like as long as i have them and they exist and they're doing their thing, then i'll be fine. I have never had this kind of attachment to other celebrities and it shows just how much they mean to me.

I want to end this essay by saying that i am very grateful to be a part of the LGBTQIA+ community. I mean yeah the idea of coming out to my parents and my relatives knowing i like women scares the shit out of me not because i'm afraid they're not gonna accept me (well i care about that a little bit) but mainly because i don't want to give them something to talk about. Just imagining them talking shit about me being gay behind my back makes me want to bash my head into the nearest wall.

But experiencing what i experienced yesterday, the solidarity of the queer people in my university, all kinds of people being their most authentic self without giving a single fuck, makes me feel so proud and happy to be a part of it. People can talk about us all they want but at the end of day, we're free. We're not doing anything wrong and we're not afraid to pursue what makes us happy even though in the eyes of many people, it's wrong.

I LOVE BEING QUEER AND I LOVE DRAG QUEENS !!!!

I cannot wait to attend more drag shows in the near future. I'm literally imagining spending my non existent money on buying show tickets and making it rain on the queens. It's my dream.

Again, if you reached this point, i love u!

HAPPY PRIDE : )))))))))

Xoxo

[italianexotiicbeauty]

@copiious ( for joe ! )

It's been an entire year and a half now since Mary agreed to sign the contract, to be Joe's manager on the west coast only. Her contract had to have that particular stipulation because unlike everyone else that worked solely for the company? She had another job, her main job – this?.Was quite the side hustle. Mary wasn't a fool though, she has a dummy account on most of the social media platforms to see what the fans are saying, because the only personal account she has is Instagram. The tattoo parlor had a separate account for artists to display their work, there was a site linked in the bio as well as an email to contact the management. You know — a typical business account. 

Both rosters were on the road four days a week – and since the schedule literally changed every single week ? She's a bit grateful there's times where she's not needed at all, where it's the old wiseman having to be there and she can be at work or sitting on her surfboard watching the sunset. Did it at all weigh on her subconscious? Yes, it did — because Joe lived all the way on the other coast — 4, 649 miles if anyone needed the numbers. And there were very few who knew the truth — six people to be exact, other than themselves ( Joelle, his mom, Paul, Sefa, Jon & Josh ). It sat on her ring finger the whole time she was back in Hawai'i, she slept with it on and only ever removed it to shower — but they agreed to not wear them when working.

Fans were insanely ruthless, so it was a matter of safety. 

— — —

Today was going to be a tiring travel day for Thursday  — she had to fly to Los Angeles and stay there for four hours until her flight to Portland. Which was where the show was going to be and she had rented herself a cozy little AIRBNB for the night. So she could hang up her outfits and steam iron them all again for good measure, get her nails done and just have … quiet before all the chaos. ( yes, she's flying out a day early. )

She had just left her condominium, the dark green suitcase rolling along the hallway floor of the 30+ condo building. Dressed in a mauve colored loungewear set, flip flops on her feet and a matching dark green backpack with an empty yeti in a mesh side pocket. Her keys and wristlet clutch dangled from a lanyard around her neck, her android phone was neatly tucked inside of the clutch. While in the elevator and on her way down to the lobby, Mary removed a folded yellow slip of paper from the wristlet clutch to put in her mailbox. It was one of those request to hold mail forms for the post office, she had a whole stack of them on her desk for this reason alone — a downside of living alone. No one to get the mail and let it pile up on the coffee table for you, she didn't exactly trust her neighbors … because she was recognized a little more these days due to being on television. 

With the yellow piece of paper now safely within the confines of her mailbox, Mary exited the building and began walking towards the back of it. Where the parking lot was and only briefly stopped to remove the keys from the lanyard. Unaware that in those few seconds, the rolling suitcase had been taken — not in a nefarious manner, but was she in for a surprise when she turned around and squeaked!  “ — !!!” Uncertain of what to say — because standing before her were both Joe and Paul, who had his hand wrapped around the luggage handle. “ …. I …. hello to the both of you, I'm sure you'll explain to me why you're here but I also … kind of need coffee and a breakfast sandwich before going to the airport.”

[alearicci]

second chapter. max verstappen x oc

"I'm tired. I'm fucking tired, Ashlyn," Max said, sitting down on the bed next to the his girlfriend. There was a note of impotence in his voice. Did he think a few years ago that it would be so difficult for him to win one race after another? That it would be so hard. And it's not even about the strength of rivals or a bad car. It's all about people. No matter how hard he tried to show that they had no effect on him, his heart ached unpleasantly from everything that awaited him every day. Fame sometimes has a bad effect on the humanity inside you. You try to be strong, show the best results, fight honestly for the title... and you find yourself face to face with people . There are those to whom Max is insanely grateful - his fans always support him, arrange various events, draw posters of support. Recently he heard a song on the street, a very funny song. There was something like that tu-tu-tu-tu Max Verstappen. He still sometimes hums this melody to himself, as if supporting himself. But there are others. Aren't they called haters? Such people whistle after you, write unpleasant comments. "What a blessing that Max didn't get on the podium. We need to celebrate this, dudes", "Poor Max. It serves you right", "I wish you were eliminated in the first round." At first it seriously upset him, but now he just laughs and thinks how pathetic they are. Stupid idiots who were offended that he overtook their favorite team by car, for which they had been rooting almost since childhood. Such people don't even stand next to him. Someone even called him a villain. Max once laughed and said, "Well, then I'm the most beautiful villain in the world." He didn't consider himself evil. Only sometimes he got angry if his rivals couldn't see beyond their own noses or when he made a stupid mistake. Monster Max, oh my God, save yourself. If you don't know personally, then don't judge publicly. Since childhood, he dreamed of becoming a Formula 1 racer. He wanted to win, to drive at great speed, to overtake rivals. He did everything possible and impossible to get behind the wheel of a racing car. And his dream came true. Thanks to perseverance and the desire to act. He was considered a young talent, a Red Bull star. Great hopes were pinned on him. And he justified them. Became the best. He showed everyone his trademark smile from time to time. He was turning into a robot. Only his family and girlfriend brought him back to life. Max met Ashlyn Skyler at a party he attended at a friend's request. He immediately singled her out from the rest. Her smile stunned him. A few days later, he decided to write to her on Instagram and arranged a meeting. And it so happened that she was with him almost from the very beginning of his career in Formula 1. She was with him for better and for worse. She was always there, gave love and tenderness, was present at every race and watched the car with the number 33, and later 1, with a rapid heartbeat. She watched her beloved. She rejoiced at every victory and podium, she cried because of every failure and every defeat. And now, having heard a rare confession from the mouth of a racer, she is trying to cope with herself and not cry. She loved this man and felt very sorry for him. And he doesn't like self-pity. The man looks at her for a few more seconds, and then quickly takes off his T-shirt and settles on his beloved's chest. He hugs her tightly with his big arms and nuzzles her neck, inhaling her native scent. When Max lies down on her, Skyler does a little head massage, trying to relieve tension. She kisses him on the forehead and continues stroking his hair.

"It's all right, baby. We'll manage. There are two free days ahead, and then you will have to return to training. I'm here, remember that.

- I love you very much.

- I love you even more.

- That's not true. I love you more. And don't argue with me.

- I'm terribly scared. What are you going to do to me, Your Majesty?

- Mmm.

Max smiles slyly and pulls away a little. He puts one hand on Ash's soft cheek and pulls her closer. He touches his lips to hers, kissing her gently. How many kisses there have been over the years of their relationship, but there has never been such a kiss yet. In that kiss there was all the pain, all the love and all the desire to be with each other. They loved each other and continued to be close, no matter what. They enjoyed every day spent with each other. They were happy to be together. And no one could make them think differently. Max loved Ashlyn, Ashlyn loved Max. They went through all the difficulties together. Finally breaking away from such sweet lips, Verstappen lies down again in the place where he was quite recently. He is silent and enjoys the warmth coming from the girl. The warmth of the house. Ashlyn was the whole world to him, and he wanted to keep that world. Therefore, at first Max did not want to advertise their relationship, he met Ashlyn secretly. He was afraid that the bad words would reach her. But about two years ago, they appeared together at a party on the occasion of Max's victory at the annual competition. Since then, they have not hidden that they are dating, and Ashlin is part of that limited circle of people who are allowed to see the rider himself before the race.

- Do you remember that we have to go for an interview tomorrow?

- Max... "We"?

- Damn, didn't I tell you? Sorry, baby. We were invited to some show where we will talk about you and me, within reasonable limits, of course. If you don't mind, I'll cancel it.

- Okay, Max, I agree. Only then you will need to choose some suitable outfit for you.

- The clothes that suit me are a red bull jumpsuit. Will you wear this?

- No, I'll go in my house clothes. I just have a T-shirt with your image on it.

- Oh, no, girl. Let's put on our robes. The presenters won't mind much, will they?

- I think, nevertheless, they will object.

- OK. Then you'll have to dress up in a suit.

- Classic suits suit you like hell.

- And the dresses suit you very well.

- Really?

- Yes. Especially the one I took off you last night.

- Shh, Max.

- Not shhh. You'll definitely be better off without him ;)

[mrrharper]

1000+ followers / Commissions

What's up, everyone!

First of all, the follower count for this blog seems to be glitched, so I'm only 95% sure that the following paragraph is correct. But anyway...

This blog has reached and surpassed 1000 followers, which is kinda insane. Never really expected this collection of my weird little stories would get a large following, and certainly not this fast. And I'm so damn grateful for that.

Especially for all the positive messages you bros sent me. It's such a great feeling when you realize there's a whole community of people that share interests and kinks with you. Thanks for every DM, it's really cool to see a notification about a new message, appreciate that very much.

So I come here with gratitude. Thanks for all the support bros, stay tuned for what's coming next! There are quite a few hot (in my personal opinion) ideas sitting in my drafts, there are sequels and longer stories and more musky jocks and soldiers coming.

I also come here with a proposition.

I am now doing writing commissions - if you would like me to write a story for you, you now have the option to make your wish a reality.

If you are interested, please contact me (through DMs) and tell me what you have in mind. We'll work together and figure out the details. But before we begin, please read the details below first.

What I will write about:

Of course, I am most comfortable with the stuff I've been writing about already - please check out my writing to see exactly what that entails. My interests include jocks, cops, soldiers as well as transformations, mental change, identity change, muscle growth or mind control.

But I am open to other stuff, although in that case I'd like for you, the person commissioning the work, to be more prepared to provide me with the kinds of details you'd like me to include in your story. I will not be able to help you figure the details out as well as with themes I'm more used to.

When writing to me, please be... fairly specific. Come with more than one sentence. If you want to give me a vague idea, you can just send me an ask. Try to also approximate the length of the story, check out my other writing to get a sense of how much detail and story can fit into 500 words.

What I will not write about:

These are my red lines - things, themes, kinks I will not write about because I'm not comfortable working with them. This is not a value judgement - I am not saying that any of those things are bad, that you should feel bad if you get off to stories that include them. With that in mind, the list includes:

Feminization/main focus on female characters

Bathroom stuff (watersports, scat, etc.)

Excessive violence, torture, rape etc.

Chastity

Real celebrities

Feet

Underage (duh)

Inflation/excessive size

This list is not exhaustive, and I reserve the right to say no to your proposal.

And about explicit writing: for now I will not write stories that include explicit scenes, that is characters fucking, you know what I mean. The reasons for this are twofold: I'm not sure in my ability to deliver writing that will be satisfactory in that regard AND it is a grey area when it comes to taking payments for that type of content. So for now its a no, bros.

Pricing:

My base rate is 30 EUR for every 1000 words. that's 15 EUR for 500 words, 60 EUR for 2000 words, and so on

The payment is in installments or upfront, with details being decided on a case by case basis, don't worry to tell me what would work best for you. The payment is made through the "commission" section of my Ko-Fi page (https://ko-fi.com/mrrharper). You can also go there and see if I'm accepting new commissions (I will set the number of free slots there and update it).

Other information:

Please, take into account that I have a life outside of Tumblr. I have a family and friends to foster relations with, classes to go to, papers to write. Because of this I might not be able to answer within seconds or complete your story as fast as you would expect or want to, and I ask you to take that into consideration.

I will be sending you updates along the way and after the work is finished I will provide you with the full file containing the story in a format of your choosing (but remember that I'm not paying for any professional word processing software).

I might want to one day post your commission on my blog (with credit). If you'd like for me to not do that, or not credit you, please tell me.

That's it for now, don't be surprised if I add (or ask for) some more details as we talk.

The Ko-Fi page is also open to one-off and monthly donations, if you really want to support me. I will really appreciate every single donation, but please - DO NOT feel pressured to support me financially. You reading my stories, liking and following, is completely enough.

Thanks for everything bros! See ya soon and Fly Eagles Fly!