#this. this is the depressing reality that my eyes have been forced open to

[themagical1sa]

seeing the world as it is while living in the philippines sure is a hell of its own actually

[fvsm4x]

#MAYBE IN ANOTHER LIFE? [Gojo Satoru]

SUMMARY: Your boyfriend, who you loved more than anything, who was your will to live, broke up with you.

— C.W: ex-boyfriend! Gojo satoru x depressed! female reader , dark themes , slightly geto suguru x female reader , no curses au.

— WORD COUNT: 5.3k+

NEXT

„I think we should break up.“

Gojo’s words hung in the air, as he looked into your eyes.

Your heart skipped a beat, and you fought to keep the tears at bay. You desperately tried to maintain your composure, not wanting to show Gojo just how deeply his words had wounded you.

“Why? What happened?“ You managed to ask, your voice trembling.

Gojo’s gaze softened, but his eyes held a distant look, as if his mind was already elsewhere. “I’ve found someone else,” he admitted, his words like a dagger to your fragile heart.

A whirlwind of emotions engulfed your thoughts. Insecurity, confusion, and a deep sense of betrayal washed over you. You had always known Gojo was popular, surrounded by women who seemed to possess an otherworldly beauty that you could only dream of. But you had hoped that your connection would be strong enough to withstand any external temptations.

As tears welled up in your eyes, you couldn’t help but question your own worth. Gojo had been your beacon of light, the one who had brought joy and stability into your chaotic world. You had believed that your love was strong enough to overcome any obstacles.

But now, faced with the harsh reality of Gojo’s confession, your insecurities resurfaced with a vengeance.

How could Gojo have led you on, making you believe that your love was real, only to discard you so easily for someone else?

But despite the storm of emotions raging within you, you knew that you had to find the strength to let Gojo go. You couldn’t force someone to love you, no matter how much you wanted to.

And so, with a heavy heart and tears streaming down your face, you whispered, “If that’s what you truly want, then I won’t stand in your way.”

You wiped away your tears and caught Gojo’s gaze. His eyes were filled with regret and sadness, and you could see the pain he felt in his expression. It was as if he realized the gravity of his decision and the hurt he had caused you.

“I’m so sorry,” Gojo whispered, his voice filled with genuine remorse. “I never wanted to hurt you. It’s not about your worth or how you compare to anyone else. It’s about me and my own shortcomings.”

You looked at him, surprised by his words.

“I understand,” you replied softly, your voice filled with a mix of sadness and acceptance. “I know I can’t change your feelings or make you stay. I’ll start packing my things so you can have your apartment back.”

As you rose from the plush couch, your footsteps echoed through the spacious apartment, the sound muffled by the thick carpet beneath your feet. With a heavy heart, you made your way to the bedroom you had once shared with Gojo. The room seemed to hold its breath, as if aware of the impending change that would soon occur.

You opened the grand closet, its ornate doors revealing a collection of clothes and personal belongings. The air was filled with a bittersweet nostalgia as you carefully selected each item, their presence a testament to the love and happiness you had once shared. The room seemed to whisper your name, its walls bearing witness to the countless moments of joy and intimacy that had unfolded within its confines.

As you held each cherished possession in your hands, memories flooded your mind like a river. The soft touch of Gojo's hand, the warmth of his embrace, and the laughter that had once filled the room. Each item carried a weight of emotions, a reminder of the love you had believed to be unbreakable.

Gojo, sitting on the edge of the bed, watched you with a pained expression. The reality of the situation seemed to settle in, and he realized the depth of the connection he was severing. The room felt colder, emotions hanging thick in the air.

As you folded your clothes and placed them in a suitcase, Gojo finally spoke again, his voice carrying a tinge of regret. "I never wanted it to come to this, Y/n. You deserve happiness, and I hope you find it even if it's without me."

His words lingered, a bittersweet acknowledgment of the end. The room, once filled with shared laughter and intimate moments, now felt like a haunting memory. The pain was palpable, and you couldn't help but wonder if it would ever subside.

As you zipped up your suitcase, Gojo approached, his hand hesitating in the air as if unsure whether to touch you.

He gently brushed away a tear that rolled down your cheek.

"I'm truly sorry," he murmured,

With your suitcase in hand, you stood near the doorway, taking one last look at the place that had been your shared sanctuary. It was a goodbye to not only Gojo but also to the dreams you had woven together.

As you walked out, Gojo remained in the room, the emptiness echoing the void left by the shattered relationship. The door closed behind you, sealing the end of a chapter that had once promised forever.

-

In the days that followed, the task of finding a new place to call home became increasingly overwhelming. The once vibrant city, which had once been a source of shared dreams and promises, now seemed indifferent to your struggles. Each apartment viewing brought with it a fresh wave of emotions, serving as a painful reminder of the life you had envisioned with Gojo.

In the midst of this turmoil, old habits resurfaced. You found yourself reaching for cigarettes and turning to alcohol as a means of coping.

It was disheartening, as you had believed that these vices were behind you after Gojo entered your life and seemingly fixed all your problems. But now, they have reappeared, threatening to consume you once again.

What made matters worse was the lack of support you had. There were no parents to lean on, no friends to turn to for help. You were left to navigate this challenging situation all on your own, starting from scratch.

Before meeting Gojo, you had worked countless jobs to pay your bills and support your studies, scraping by with whatever little money you had.

The weight of it all was taking its toll on you. You felt yourself falling apart, the stress and uncertainty chipping away at your resolve.

But then, Gojo appeared, and your life took an unexpected turn. It was as if the universe had conspired to bring the two of you together. The first time you laid eyes on him was when you were working as a waitress at a cozy bakery. As he walked in, time seemed to stand still. Your heart skipped a beat as you took in his striking features.

His vibrant blue eyes, reminiscent of a clear summer sky, held a depth that drew you in. His snow-white hair and lashes added an ethereal touch to his already captivating appearance. And when he smiled, it was as if the whole room lit up with warmth and charm. You were instantly captivated by his presence, unable to tear your gaze away.

To your surprise, Gojo noticed your lingering glances and, with a confident stride, approached the counter where you were working. He invited you to join him, and you couldn’t resist the opportunity to spend more time with this enigmatic man. As you sat together, indulging in delectable desserts, the hours seemed to melt away in a blur of laughter and shared stories.

Days turned into weeks, and Gojo became a regular at the bakery, always seeking your company. The two of you would engage in deep conversations that spanned a wide range of topics, from the trivial to the profound. Each interaction only deepened your connection, and before you knew it, you found yourself falling for him.

However, amidst the blossoming romance, a nagging doubt lingered in the back of your mind. You couldn’t help but notice the parade of women that seemed to surround Gojo. He would visit the bakery at least twice a week, each time accompanied by a different woman. They would engage in affectionate displays, acting as if they were a couple.

As you observed these interactions, a wave of insecurity washed over you. Comparisons became inevitable, and you couldn’t help but feel inadequate in comparison to these stunning women. Their flawless skin, plump breasts, and alluring curves seemed to highlight your own perceived shortcomings. Their beauty was undeniable, and you couldn’t help but wonder if you would ever measure up.

But despite these doubts, Gojo continued to seek your company, showing genuine interest in your thoughts, dreams, and aspirations. His actions spoke louder than words, and you began to question your own self-doubt. Perhaps there was more to this connection than meets the eye.

Maybe, just maybe, Gojo saw something in you that went beyond physical appearances.

Motivated by this newfound hope, you made a conscious effort to break free from your bad habits. Weeks turned into months, and Gojo continued to visit the bakery every day just to see you.

However, one day, something special happened. Gojo waited patiently for you to finish your shift and then walked you back to the motel where you were staying. It was during this walk that he truly realized how difficult your life actually was.

Seeing you work tirelessly, with dark circles under your eyes and wearing the same clothes day after day, Gojo couldn’t bear to see you living in such difficult conditions. He noticed the presence of alcohol and cigarettes in your room and insisted that you stay with him instead. He wanted to provide you with a better life, free from the struggles you had been facing.

And so, you took up Gojo’s offer and moved in with him.

And that's when you became a couple.

But after two years of being in a relationship with Gojo, he found someone else. The person who used to hold you in his arms, whisper sweet words of love, and make you feel like the most important person in his life was now directing those affectionate gestures towards someone else.

You didn’t want to let him go. The thought of losing him was devastating. However, you also understood that you couldn’t force him to stay with you if his heart was no longer fully committed. Questions swirled in your mind. Did you do something wrong? Were you not exciting enough for him anymore? Was there something else that led him to find someone new?

Despite the heartache, one thing remained certain- your love for Gojo would never fade. The pain of knowing that he loved someone else, someone who wasn’t you, was excruciating. No one could ever replace the way Gojo had changed you, the way he had touched your heart and made you feel alive.

You sat alone in the dimly lit motel room, a bottle of liquor in hand, you sought solace in the numbing effects of alcohol. The pain in your heart seemed unbearable, and you hoped that drowning your sorrows would provide temporary relief.

The room felt suffocating. Each sip of the bitter liquid seemed to momentarily wash away the ache, but deep down, you knew it was only a temporary escape. The truth remained that Gojo had moved on, and you were left grappling with the shattered pieces of your heart.

With a heavy sigh, you placed the half-empty bottle on the grimy nightstand and slowly rose from the disheveled bed. Your footsteps carried you towards the suitcase, which stood dutifully beside a small table, as you rummaged through its contents in search of something comfortable to wear for the night. The weight of your emotions bore down on you, causing you to push up your hoodie, removing it with a forceful toss onto the nearby chair, as you attempted to regain control over your tears.

The question echoed in your mind once again, piercing through the haze of confusion and hurt. How could he do this to you? The betrayal felt like a knife twisting in your heart, leaving you gasping for air amidst the waves of anguish.

You made your way towards the mirror. Your reflection stared back at you, a vulnerable and exposed version of yourself. The longer you gazed upon your topless form, the deeper the sadness seeped into your being. Your hand instinctively reached out, fingers grazing the surface of your bare stomach, as if trying to grasp the weight.

Could it be that your weight gain was the reason behind his abandonment? Did he no longer desire to be with you because of the changes in your body? The thought gnawed at your self-esteem, fueling the belief that the girl he now chose to be with possessed a flat stomach, a flawless figure, and enviable curves. Qualities that you, in your own eyes, did not possess.

Feeling the ache in your stomach intensify, you released your grip and turned your attention back to the task at hand. Pulling out a set of comfortable pajamas from your suitcase, you quickly changed into them, hoping that the soft fabric would provide some comfort amidst the chaos of your emotions.

As you lay down on the bed, the worn-out mattress offering little respite, your mind raced with thoughts of the uncertain future that lay before you. The realization hit hard – you would have to find a job, and fast. The fear of being kicked out of the motel, with nowhere else to go, loomed over you like a dark cloud.

You lay there, staring at the ceiling, your mind began to form a plan. You closed your eyes, the weight of exhaustion finally settling upon you.

-

Days turned into nights, and nights into days as you tirelessly searched for a job. The motel room became a temporary refuge, a place where you could rest your weary body and gather your thoughts before facing the world again. And then, finally, your efforts paid off.

You received a call from the bakery where you had once worked, offering you a position. Excitement and relief flooded through you as you accepted the job. It was a familiar place,

The first day back at the bakery was filled with a mix of nervousness and anticipation. As you stepped through the familiar doors, the scent of freshly baked bread enveloped you. The warm smiles and greetings from your former colleagues made you feel instantly welcome, as if you had never left.

You returned to your old position as a waitress and memories of Gojo lingered in the back of your mind. It had been a while since you had seen him, and you had made peace with the fact that he no longer wanted anything to do with you.

You let out a sigh as you walked over to the table where some guests were seated. Taking their orders, you jotted them down on a small notepad and headed towards the counter to place it.

As you turned around, the door opened, and there stood Gojo Satoru, looking as charming as ever. His eyes scanned the room until they landed on you, and a smile instantly spread across his face. He waved at you, and for a moment, your heart skipped a beat.

Beside Gojo stood a breathtakingly beautiful woman, exuding confidence and radiating charm. It was clear why Gojo was drawn to her, and you couldn’t help but feel a pang of jealousy.

With a polite smile, you excused yourself and walked away, seeking solace in the different side of the bakery. Your heart raced as you tried to process the unexpected encounter. The memories of your past relationship flooded back, bringing with them a whirlwind of emotions.

In the safety of the different side, away from prying eyes, you took a deep breath, trying to calm your racing heart.

As you continued your work, serving customers and attending to their needs, you found solace in the routine. The hustle and bustle of the bakery provided a distraction, allowing you to momentarily forget the turmoil that Gojo’s presence had stirred within you.

But deep down, you knew that healing would take time. The wounds were still fresh, and seeing Gojo with someone new had reopened them. Yet, you refused to let it define you.

As you stood behind the counter, your eyes scanned the room, searching for any customer in need of your assistance. However, it seemed that everyone was content, engrossed in their conversations and meals. Your gaze involuntarily shifted towards the table where Gojo sat with his new girlfriend.

You couldn’t help but observe the way Gojo’s eyes sparkled with adoration as he looked at her. The way his face lit up with a blush whenever she smiled at him was a sight you had never witnessed before. It was as if he saw her as a goddess, someone worthy of his utmost devotion and affection.

A pang of jealousy washed over you as you compared Gojo’s current demeanor with how he had looked at you in the past. His eyes had never held that same lovesick gaze when he was with you. It was a bitter realization that he had never regarded you in the same way he now regarded this new woman.

You couldn’t help but wonder what it was about her that captivated Gojo so completely. Was it her radiant smile, her confident aura, or perhaps something deeper that you couldn’t comprehend? Whatever it was, it was clear that Gojo had found someone who made his heart race and his eyes shine with love.

As you continued to observe them from a distance, a mix of emotions swirled within you. Part of you longed for Gojo to look at you with the same intensity, to make you feel like the center of his universe. But another part of you knew that it was time to let go, to accept that Gojo had moved on and found happiness elsewhere.

With a heavy sigh, you turned your attention back to your duties, reminding yourself that your worth was not defined by Gojo’s affections.

You carefully balanced the two deserts and the cup of hot chocolate on your tray, making sure everything was secure. Lost in your thoughts, you absentmindedly glanced at the table number where this order was meant to be served. Without looking up, you started walking towards the designated table, unaware of the impending collision.

Just as you were about to lift your gaze, your body collided with someone, causing your grip on the tray to loosen. The board slipped from your hands, and the cup of hot chocolate tumbled through the air, its contents splattering onto the person you had unintentionally crashed into.

Your eyes widened in shock, and panic surged through your veins as you realized the gravity of the situation. You quickly raised your gaze, meeting the eyes of the person you had accidentally drenched with hot chocolate. And in that moment, your whole world seemed to crumble around you.

It was her. The woman for whom Gojo had left you. The same woman who had stolen his heart and shattered yours in the process. The sight of her standing before you, her face contorted in pain as tears streamed down her cheeks, was like a knife to your heart.

She hissed in pain as the scalding hot chocolate made contact with her skin, desperately trying to wipe away the sticky liquid that clung to her. Your hands trembled as you reached for tissues from a nearby table, desperately attempting to alleviate the discomfort you had caused.

But just as you were about to wipe away the hot chocolate, a forceful hand slapped yours away, taking over the task of cleaning the girl's skin. Startled, you looked up and saw Gojo, his face contorted with fury. His eyebrows knitted together as he witnessed the tears streaming down the girl's face, his protective instincts kicking in.

You stood there, next to Gojo, your voice barely audible as you muttered apologies, trying to explain that it was an accident. But Gojo's anger seemed to drown out your words. He finished wiping away the hot chocolate from the girl's skin and pulled her into his arms, shielding her from any further harm. His gaze shifted towards you, his eyes filled with a mix of disappointment and rage.

"Why would you do that?!" he shouted, his voice echoing through the air. His words pierced through your heart, intensifying the guilt that already weighed heavily upon you. You could see the hurt in his eyes, the pain of betrayal mingling with the anger. But you couldn't find the words to defend yourself, knowing deep down that there was no justification for your actions.

„It was an accident-“

He took a deep breath,"Save it, I know why you did it.“

„Just because I found someone else and that I’m happy with them doesn’t mean that you’ll get to hurt them out of jealousy!“ he spoke

„I thought you were better than that," he said. The girl, still in his arms, chimed in, her voice filled with anger. "Call your manager, you need to be fired!"

Gojo's gaze shifted back to you, his eyes searching for an explanation. The weight of his disappointment and the girl's demand for your termination bore down on you. Panic set in as you realized the implications of losing your job. You couldn't afford to be fired; you needed the money to support yourself.

Desperation filled your voice as you pleaded with Gojo, "Please, don't ask for my manager. It was just an accident. I need this job, I can't afford to lose it." Tears welled up in your eyes as you tried to convey the sincerity of your plea. You knew you had made a mistake, but it was one born out of carelessness, not malice.

You instinctively grabbed Gojos' hand,“Please-!“ you begged, but your hand only got slapped away by the woman in his arms.

„And now you go touching someone’s boyfriend? What‘s wrong with you!“ the girl shouted as she slapped you.

Your head turned to the side from the force of the slap, a surge of pain radiated through your cheek. The impact left your skin hot and flushed, a visible mark of the humiliation you felt. You fought back tears, determined not to let them see your vulnerability.

With trembling hands, you gently placed your palm against your reddened cheek, trying to soothe the pain. Your eyes flickered towards the girl, searching for any sign of remorse or understanding, but all you saw was a cold, dismissive gaze. Her arms crossed defiantly, she demanded that you call for the manager, her voice dripping with disdain.

„Call the manager.“

Desperation welled up within you, and you mustered the courage to speak, your voice quivering with a mix of fear and desperation. "Wait, please! I... I really need this job," you pleaded, hoping that she would see reason, that she would understand the dire circumstances that led you to this moment.

She cut you off, her words sharp and dismissive. "I don't care, call for your manager," she interrupted, her tone leaving no room for negotiation or empathy.

Your gaze shifted towards Gojo, silently pleading for his intervention, for him to vouch for you or at least offer some support. But as you looked into his eyes, you saw a furrowed brow and a hint of disappointment. His voice, barely above a whisper, carried a weight of disbelief and disapproval. "Can't believe you would pull something like that," he murmured, his words landing like a heavy blow to your already wounded heart.

Your hand, still trembling, fell from your cheek as you straighten your posture. With a deep breath, you mustered the strength to bow,

"I'll get t-the manager right away," you said,

With a heavy heart, you turned away from Gojo and the girl, making your way towards the counter to call for the manager.

Your hands trembled slightly as you picked up the phone, dialing the number with shaky fingers. Each ring felt like an eternity, amplifying the anxiety that coursed through your veins. Finally, a voice answered on the other end, and you took a deep breath, trying to steady your voice.

"Hello- this is Y/n L/n from [Bakery]. I... I need to speak with the manager, please," you said, your voice barely above a whisper. The person on the other end assured you that they would connect you, and you waited anxiously, your heart pounding in your chest.

As you waited, your mind raced with thoughts of the consequences that awaited you. Losing this job would mean losing your only source of income, and the financial strain it would bring was overwhelming. You couldn't bear the thought of disappointing your loved ones or struggling to make ends meet.

Finally, the manager's voice came through the line, and you mustered up the courage to explain the situation. You recounted the accident, your sincere apologies, and the girl's demand for your termination. The manager listened attentively, their voice calm and composed as they absorbed the details.

After a brief pause, the manager spoke, their tone firm yet compassionate. "I will come over to assess the situation and speak with all parties involved. Please remain calm and await my arrival."

You took a deep breath, trying to steady your nerves as you hung up the phone.

As you turned around, you noticed Gojo and the girl engaged in a hushed conversation. Their expressions were still filled with anger and disappointment, but there was also a hint of uncertainty. You approached them cautiously, your eyes downcast.

"I've c-called the manager," you said softly,"They will be here soon to address the situation. I... I'm truly sorry for what happened. It was never my intention to cause any harm or distress."

„Sure“ the girl replied.

-

Months had passed since that fateful encounter at the café. You had lost your job, the incident with Gojo and the girl tarnishing your reputation and leading to your dismissal. Now, you found yourself standing by the reception desk of another run-down motel, desperately seeking a place to stay for the night because you got kicked out of the last one.

As you approached the receptionist, a tired-looking man with a permanent scowl on his face, you couldn’t help but feel a pang of anxiety.

“Excuse me,” you began, your voice wavering slightly. “I was wondering if you have any available rooms for tonight?”

The receptionist glanced up from his paperwork, his eyes narrowing as he took in your disheveled appearance. His tone was curt as he replied, “We do have a few rooms left, but I’ll need payment upfront.”

Your heart sank. You had been scraping by, barely making ends meet, and the little money you had left was barely enough to cover your basic necessities.

“I… I’m sorry,” you stammered, your voice barely above a whisper. “I don’t have enough money to pay for a room.”

The receptionist’s scowl deepened, his impatience evident. “Look, we can’t just give away rooms for free. If you can’t pay, then I suggest you find somewhere else to go.”

Tears welled up in your eyes as you realized the gravity of the situation. You were alone, with nowhere to turn and no one to rely on. The weight of your mistakes and the consequences they had brought upon you felt suffocating.

With a heavy heart, you turned away from the reception desk, feeling the eyes of the other guests in the lobby on you, judging and pitying your predicament. As you walked towards the exit, a mix of shame and desperation washed over you, threatening to consume your spirit.

Outside, the cold night air greeted you, a stark reminder of your current reality. You stood on the sidewalk, feeling lost and defeated. The world seemed to blur around you as you pondered your next move, wondering how you had ended up in this dire situation.

Suddenly, a voice chimed in from behind, jolting you out of your thoughts. Startled, you turned around to find yourself face to face with Geto, your ex's best friend. His black eyes bore into yours, his raised eyebrows conveying curiosity and surprise. His gaze drifted to the suitcase clutched tightly in your hand, a silent question hanging in the air.

"Geto?" you questioned, your voice tinged with confusion.

A puff of smoke escaped his lips as he exhaled the cigarette between his fingers,"How many times do I have to tell you, you can call me Suguru," he replied,

“Why are you here?” he asked, standing before you and peering into your eyes. But before you could answer, another question slipped from his lips, catching you off guard. “Where is Satoru?”

The realization hit you like a punch to the gut. He didn’t know. How could he not know? Wasn’t he Satoru’s best friend? Shouldn’t he have been informed about the breakup that had occurred just last month? Did Gojo, your ex, not bother to share the news with him?

“Didn’t Satoru tell you?” you asked, breaking eye contact with him, unable to bear his gaze any longer.

“Tell me what?” he questioned. He removed the cigarette from his lips and threw it to the ground, crushing it under his shoe.

“That we broke up,” you replied, your voice barely above a whisper. As you watched his reaction, you noticed a flicker of surprise in his eyes before he regained his composure.

“You two broke up..?” he questioned,“Since when did you-”

“Last month we broke up,” you interrupted,

“Is there any reason why you two broke up? Everything was good, wasn’t it?” As he placed a comforting hand on your shoulder.

“He…” you hesitated, your gaze shifting to the side. “He found someone else,” you admitted, your lips trembling slightly.

“Oh,” he responded, his hand retracting from your shoulder as he crossed his arms over his chest. His eyes turned towards the night sky, lost in his own thoughts, before refocusing on you. “And why are you here in the middle of the night?” he asked, his gaze scanning you from head to toe, taking in your worn-out clothes. His eyes returned to your face.

“I got kicked out of the motel because I couldn’t pay for it anymore,” you replied,

His brows furrowed,"I'm so sorry to hear that," he said softly,"You shouldn't have to go through this alone."

Without hesitation, he reached out and gently placed a hand on your shoulder. "Listen, I have an idea," he said,"Why don't you come stay with me until you find a job and get back on your feet?"

Surprised by his offer, you looked at him,"I- I can‘t do that-!" you spoke.

A warm smile spread across his face. "Of course you can," he replied. "I have a spare room and it would be my pleasure to help you out. Sometimes, all we need is a little support to get back on track."

„But-!“

„No buts.“

"Thank you," you whispered, "I don't know what to say..."

He smiled warmly, his eyes sparkling,"No need to thank me," he insisted. "We all go through tough times, and sometimes we just need a helping hand. If there's anything else I can do, please don't hesitate to ask."

He took the suitcase from your hand and turned around, walking towards his house. "Let's go," he said, looking back at you.

You nodded and followed after him.

NEXT

[mononijikayu]

casual — geto suguru.

You nodded, trying to keep your expression neutral. "Yeah, it was nice. Just, you know, casual." "Right, casual. I know, doll." Suguru echoed, his gaze lingering on you a moment longer before he looked away. "No strings attached." "Exactly, yeah…." you said, forcing a smile. "We're both busy, and this doesn't have to mean anything more than... what it was." "Yeah." he said, his voice a bit quieter. "Just a one-time thing. No need to complicate things."

GENRE: Alternate Universe - Canon Convergence;

WARNING/s: Angst, Unrequited Love, Romance, Casual Friends with Benefit, Falling In Love, Lack of Communication, Hurt/Comfort, Depression, Food, Disassociation, Smut, Depiction of Sexual Intercourse, Depiction of Depression, Depiction of Food Withdrawal, Depiction of Disassociation;

WORDS: 6k words.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: this took me awhile to write and i wish it didn't but i was busy trying to help my brother heal up from his own fever and then i also felt unwell after going out and visiting my cousins. crazy week so far, but i'm glad to be writing again!!! i'll be publishing pasilyo tomorrow!!! i hope you enjoy this and see you soon <3

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YOU HATE THIS APARTMENT. You know you picked it out. You went through the painstaking process of finding the best you could afford in all of Tokyo, sifting through countless listings, visiting countless open houses, and scrutinizing every detail with a critical eye. You even reached out to Nanami, seeking his advice on how he had found his own place, hoping his insight would guide you to something perfect. 

But now, standing in the middle of the empty apartment, it just feels overwhelming. The walls seem to close in around you, their pristine surfaces a harsh reminder of the solitude that awaits you. The space, while objectively beautiful and well-chosen, feels alien and unwelcoming. The soft, neutral colors and high-end finishes that once seemed so appealing now appear cold and impersonal, like a display in a showroom rather than a home.

Each corner, every room, is meticulously arranged, yet it all feels distant, disconnected. The furniture you carefully selected—elegant, stylish pieces that should have brought comfort—now feels like mere props in a stage set, lacking the warmth and familiarity of a true home. The shelves stand empty, the walls bare, and the lack of personal touches only amplifies the feeling of displacement.

You had envisioned this place as a haven, a refuge where you could build a new chapter of your life. Yet now, it feels like a stark reminder of everything you’ve lost, of the gaping void left by Suguru’s absence and the weight of the decisions that brought you here. The reality of living alone in such a polished, empty space contrasts sharply with the vibrant, chaotic life you once had, and the dissonance is almost too much to bear.

The once-anticipated comfort of the apartment now feels like a cage, trapping you in a space that reflects the isolation and emotional distance you’re struggling to overcome. You try to imagine filling the space with personal belongings, with memories that would make it truly yours, but the task feels daunting, almost insurmountable. Each step you take feels heavy, burdened by the weight of unfulfilled expectations and the deep, pervasive sadness that lingers in every corner of this new, unwelcoming environment.

Since Haibara died and Suguru defected, the world has felt irreparably altered. Their absence has left a void not just in your life but in the very fabric of the world you once knew. Their departures were seismic shifts, upheavals that have reshaped everything—your sense of security, your understanding of your place in the world, and the very essence of who you are. The bonds you once relied on have frayed, the connections you took for granted have been severed, and you are left grappling with a reality that seems both unfamiliar and unkind.

The change is not just in the external world but within yourself. The person you were before all these events feels like a distant memory, replaced by someone who struggles to find meaning and connection in the aftermath of loss and betrayal. How could you not change when everything around you has been transformed so drastically? The world has moved on, and you are left to navigate its new contours alone.

People are worried about you. The concern is palpable, especially from Gojo Satoru, who has always been like a brother to you, a constant in a world that has become increasingly unpredictable. His worry is perhaps the most poignant, reflecting the deep bond you share and the impact of your struggles on those who care about you. His concern is a reminder that while you feel isolated, there are still people who want to help, who see the pain you’re enduring, and who are willing to support you even as you grapple with the overwhelming weight of your new reality.

He’d been trying to reach you for weeks, his calls and messages a persistent thread in the silence of your days. Each notification from Gojo felt like a distant echo, a reminder of the world outside the narrow confines of your apartment. Yet, each time you saw his name on your screen, you hesitated, unable to muster the energy to respond. The weight of the past was a constant companion, keeping you awake through endless nights.

The dreams, when they came, were a cruel mockery of the life you once knew. Each night was filled with hauntingly vivid memories of better times with Suguru—laughter shared in quiet moments, his touch, and the warmth of his presence that now felt like an elusive phantom. The contrast between those dreams and the stark reality of your waking life was almost too much to bear.

Food, once a source of comfort and nourishment, had become a meaningless necessity. The meals you prepared, though carefully chosen, lay untouched on the counter. Their taste had lost all appeal, a reflection of the emptiness that now colored every aspect of your existence. Eating had become a mere act of survival, a stark reminder of the joy that had been stripped away.

The outside world, with its bustling streets and vibrant energy, felt distant, almost foreign. Tokyo’s vibrant chaos seemed to exist in a different realm, one that you could observe but not truly engage with. The city that once felt like a living, breathing entity now felt like a backdrop to your solitary struggle, its noise and activity a harsh contrast to the silence of your own life.

It was on one of these evenings, shrouded in solitude, that Gojo finally appeared at your door. His concern was palpable, a stark reminder of how far you’d retreated from those who cared about you. When you opened the door, he stood there, his face a mixture of frustration and worry.

“I’ve been calling you for weeks.” he said, his voice heavy with concern. “Are you okay? I haven’t heard from you in ages.”

You tried to muster a smile, but it fell short, your exhaustion too profound to conceal. “Oh, Gojo. I didn’t expect you.”

He stepped inside, his eyes quickly taking in the state of your apartment. The neatness of the space did nothing to hide the emptiness that pervaded it. “You don’t look well.” he said, his cerulean gaze moving to the cold meal on the counter. “I’ve been worried. What’s going on?”

You shrugged, feeling the weight of his scrutiny. “It’s nothing. Just... struggling, I guess. Food doesn’t taste right anymore.”

Gojo moved closer to the counter, his eyes scanning the untouched food. “This isn’t just about food. You need to take care of yourself. When was the last time you had a decent meal? When was the last time you really slept?”

You looked away, your voice trembling as you tried to suppress the tears. “I don’t sleep much. When I do, it’s filled with dreams of Suguru. It’s like he’s everywhere, but also nowhere.”

His expression softened, a flicker of empathy in his eyes. “I get it. You’re missing him. But you can’t let it consume you. You need to find a way to move forward.”

You shook your head, the enormity of the situation pressing down on you. “It’s not that simple. The outside world feels so distant now, almost foreign. I’m just... lost.”

Gojo’s hand gently rested on your shoulder, his touch a grounding presence. “I know…But you can’t do this. He…he wouldn’t want this either.”

You knew that. But you felt a pang of guilt as you tried to reassure Satoru about your well-being. The effort to project a sense of normalcy, to offer him even a glimmer of hope that things might improve, weighed heavily on you. You knew that your struggles were far from over, and while you didn’t want to burden him with the full extent of your despair, the pretense felt like a delicate dance on the edge of honesty.

Because you don’t know how he does it. How he keeps himself from going insane. You wished you did. You wished you could be him. Because you’re exhausted. You wanted to move on. You wanted to be free. But still, you’re here in this cage of grief, living like this. Being in pain. Being empty. 

Your graduation, which should have been a moment of triumph, was marred by his absence. The empty chair next to you was a constant reminder of what you’d lost. Now, in the stillness of your apartment, the silence is deafening. The memories of laughter and shared dreams haunt you, and the loneliness seeps into your bones. 

You can’t help but wonder where he is, what he’s doing, if he ever thinks of you too. Suguru’s defection was more than just a betrayal; it was a fracture, a deep wound that hasn’t healed. And as you sit in the vast emptiness of your apartment, you wonder if it ever will.

Back when you lived in Jujutsu High's dorms, life was different. Shoko would pop by unannounced, always ready to share the latest gossip, her presence a comforting constant. Those moments of laughter and whispered secrets felt like a lifetime ago. Back then, you had Digimon show nights with Satoru, the two of you arguing over favorite characters and plot twists, the banter and camaraderie a soothing balm to the stresses of your training.

And then there were those cold nights when you needed warmth, and Suguru Geto was there. His presence was a refuge, his arms a sanctuary. The conversations you'd have, the plans you'd make for the future, they were all wrapped in a cocoon of shared understanding and affection. His departure left a gaping hole, one that you haven't been able to fill.

Now, you are all alone. Anyone is, with your one’s grief. And now you truly are, separated from everyone else. The silence is oppressive, the loneliness a constant companion. The walls of your new apartment seem to close in on you, a stark reminder of what you once had and what you've lost. The memories of Shoko's gossip, Satoru's laughter, and Suguru's warmth are ghosts that haunt you, their absence a painful reminder of the life you once knew.

In the stillness of the night, you sometimes catch yourself hoping for a knock on the door, for Suguru to walk in with that familiar smile, as if everything could go back to the way it was. But reality is harsh, and you know that those days are gone. All you have now are the memories and the lingering hope that somehow, someday, things might change.

Geto Suguru left without saying anything, that day he went on his mission. He was supposed to be back in a day or two—at least that’s what he said during the phone call you shared when he was on that train. His voice, calm and reassuring, echoed in your mind long after the call ended. But that was the last time you heard his voice. The last time he called you. It was him getting off your seesaw game, finally stepping out of your world and leaving you with nothing but a broken heart.

And yet, he was never your boyfriend. You and him kept up the pretense, a delicate dance of closeness and distance, never truly naming what you had. The word "casual" was used way too much, a shield to protect fragile hearts from the vulnerability of the word "love." You remember the nights spent together, the conversations that felt like they meant something more, but neither of you dared to cross that line.

You often think back to that call, replaying every word, every nuance in his voice. It was supposed to be just another mission, nothing out of the ordinary. But something shifted, something changed, and Suguru never came back. His departure was like a cruel twist of fate, leaving you grappling with unanswered questions and unspoken feelings.

In the aftermath, you were left to navigate the wreckage alone. The routines you shared, the subtle intimacy of your connection, all shattered. The memories of his touch, his laugh, the way he looked at you when he thought you weren’t watching—they haunt you, a bittersweet reminder of what could have been.

You’ve tried to move on, to piece together a semblance of normalcy, but the void Suguru left is vast and unrelenting. The "casual" facade you both maintained now feels like a cruel joke, the missed opportunities for something deeper, more meaningful, a constant source of regret. You wonder if he ever felt the same, if he ever wanted to bridge the gap between you, but the answers are lost to the silence he left behind.

The seesaw game you played, the delicate balance of give and take, is now a lonely ride. You’re left suspended in midair, longing for the weight of his presence to bring you back down. But all you have are memories and the lingering ache of a love that was never fully realized, a connection that was always just out of reach.

The room was quiet, the only sound was the soft hum of the city outside the window. You lay there, the sheets tangled around your legs, your mind spinning with a mix of emotions. Suguru was next to you, propped up on one elbow, his dark eyes watching you intently.

"That was... something." you finally said, breaking the silence.

Suguru chuckled softly, a sound that sent a shiver down your spine. "Yeah, it was," he agreed. "Unexpected, but not unwelcome."

You nodded, trying to keep your expression neutral. "Yeah, it was nice. Just, you know, casual."

"Right, casual. I know, doll." Suguru echoed, his gaze lingering on you a moment longer before he looked away. "No strings attached."

"Exactly, yeah…." you said, forcing a smile. "We're both busy, and this doesn't have to mean anything more than... what it was."

"Yeah." he said, his voice a bit quieter. "Just a one-time thing. No need to complicate things."

You felt a pang in your chest but ignored it, keeping your tone light. "Right, no need to complicate things. We have enough going on with our missions and training."

"Absolutely, you’re right." Suguru said, but his purple eyes told a different story. There was a flicker of something deeper, something more, but it was quickly masked by a casual smile. "We're just two friends who had a good time."

"Exactly." you repeated, wishing you could believe it. "......Just two friends."

Suguru reached out, his fingers brushing a strand of hair from your face. "I don't want this to change anything between us, doll." he said softly. "I value what we have."

You nodded, your heart pounding. "Me too. This doesn't have to change anything."

He smiled, but there was a hint of sadness in his eyes. "Good. I'm glad we agree."

You both lay there for a moment longer, the weight of unspoken words hanging between you. Finally, Suguru sighed and rolled onto his back, staring up at the ceiling. "So, breakfast?"

You laughed, the tension breaking slightly. "Yeah, breakfast sounds good."

You felt like crying again, and you hated it. You hated yourself for it. Because there was nothing between you and Suguru. You were casual. It’s been a year, and there was nothing after that. He left you. He chose his path. He chose to burn the world to free himself from torment. But now, you are in torment. 

You sat on the edge of your bed, the weight of the silence pressing down on you. The memories of that night haunted you, the way he had looked at you, the way his touch had set your skin on fire. It was casual. Just a one-time thing. That’s what you told yourself, what you both agreed on. But the lie felt like a knife twisting in your gut now.

Suguru had left, and with him, he took the future you had secretly hoped for. You were in love with him. You didn’t want anything to be casual with him. You didn’t want it to be nothing. You wanted more, so much more, and now you knew you would never get anything.

The tears threatened to spill over, and you clenched your fists, trying to hold them back. You hated how weak you felt, how vulnerable. The world moved on, but you were stuck, trapped in a web of your own making. Suguru’s absence was a constant ache, a reminder of what you had lost, what you could never have.

He chose his path, and it led him away from you. It led him to destruction, to a darkness that swallowed him whole. And now, you were left to pick up the pieces of your shattered heart, alone in the vast emptiness of your new apartment. The echoes of your own thoughts were deafening, and the realization that you would never see him again, never hear his voice, never feel his touch—it was almost too much to bear.

You buried your face in your hands, the tears finally escaping, hot and bitter. The sobs wracked your body, each one a painful reminder of your unspoken feelings. You had wanted so much more, but you had been too afraid to ask, too afraid to risk the fragile balance you had. And now, it was too late.

Suguru was gone, and with him, any chance of something more. You were left with memories and regrets, with the knowledge that he had chosen his path, and you were not a part of it. The torment of unrequited love consumed you, a relentless ache that you couldn’t escape. You cried for what was, for what could have been, and for the future that would never be.

There was a strange stillness in the air, a quiet that felt almost suffocating. It felt different tonight. You sat on the edge of your bed, staring blankly at the wall, your thoughts a tangled mess of memories and regrets. The knock on your door was so soft, you almost didn't hear it. For a moment, you thought you had imagined it, but then it came again, more insistent this time.

You wiped your eyes, forcing yourself to stand. Each step toward the door felt like walking through quicksand, your heart pounding in your chest. You weren't expecting anyone. As you reached for the doorknob, a part of you wondered if you were dreaming, if the grief had finally driven you mad.

You opened the door slowly, the hinges creaking in protest. And there he was. Geto Suguru stood in the doorway, looking every bit as if you remembered him, but different somehow. His eyes held a depth of sadness, a haunted look that mirrored your own. He seemed exhausted. As much as you, you think. But you say nothing for a few moments. You just stare at him, as though trying to be sure you weren’t hallucinating. 

"Suguru?" Your voice was barely a whisper, the word catching in your throat.

He gave you a small, almost hesitant smile. "Hey."

"What are you doing here?" you asked, your voice trembling with emotions. “Why—”

"I needed to see you, doll." he said softly. "I just had to see you tonight….will you let me in?”

You don’t know how he found out your address. Or how he was able to know which apartment block yours was. But you didn’t say anything. You didn’t want to force anything tonight. You nodded and stepped back, allowing him to enter. The silence between you was heavy, filled with all the words that had been left unsaid. You closed the door and turned to face him, your heart aching with a mix of hope and fear.

"Why now?" you asked, your eyes searching for him. “Why come back to me now? I….I’m not…”

He looks at you, almost longingly. “I don’t know.”

The weight of Suguru's confession hung in the air, but before you could process it, he spoke again, breaking the silence. "I know this is unexpected. I know I don't have the right to just show up here like this, but I need to talk to you.”

You stepped back, the doorway now feeling like a chasm between you. "Suguru, this is a bad idea. You shouldn’t be—”

He took a hesitant step inside, his presence filling the space. "I just want to talk. Please."

The room felt smaller, more suffocating, with him in it. The tension was palpable, a fragile thread that could snap at any moment. He glanced around the room, his eyes lingering on familiar objects—things that hadn't changed since he left. Things he wished wouldn't change. From the corner of his eye, he could see it. That uniform button he left behind. He purses his lips.

"How are you?" he asked, his voice low and careful.

You crossed your arms, trying to hold yourself together. "How do you think I am, Suguru? There's an order to kill you on the spot. If people find out you're here with me, the higher ups will get me.”

He flinched at your words, a shadow passing over his face. "I know the risks. I wouldn't have come if I didn't think it was important."

You shook your head, frustration and fear mingling in your chest. "Important? You think this is important? You left, Suguru. You choose your path, and it has nothing to do with me. Now you show up out of nowhere, and you want to talk?"

"I had to." he said, his voice almost pleading. "I've made so many mistakes, but leaving you was the worst one. I had to see you, to tell you how I feel."

Your heart ached at his words, but the reality of the situation loomed large. "And what do you expect me to do with that information? Do you want me to just forgive and forget? To pretend like everything's fine when it's not?"

He took another step closer, his eyes searching yours. "I don't expect anything. I just needed you to know. I needed to try and make things right."

You looked away, the emotions swirling inside you too much to bear. "Suguru, you don't understand. It's not just about us. If they find out you're here, they'll kill you. And I'll be branded a traitor."

He nodded slowly, understanding the gravity of your words. "I know. And I'm sorry for putting you in this position. But I couldn't stay away. Not anymore."

The room was thick with tension, the weight of everything unsaid pressing down on you both. You wanted to reach out, to bridge the gap between you, but the fear of the consequences held you back.

"I don't know what to do." you admitted, your voice breaking. "I don't know how…I don’t know how to handle this."

Suguru stepped closer, his hand hovering near yours. "You don't have to do anything. Just let me be here, even if it's just for a little while. Let me be with you."

You looked up at him, the pain and regret in his eyes mirroring your own. The risk was enormous, but the pull of your heart was stronger. For a moment, you allowed yourself to imagine that things could be different, that maybe, somehow, you could find a way through this together.

But reality crashed back down, harsh and unyielding. "Suguru, this can't last. You know that."

He nodded, his expression filled with sorrow. "I know. But for now, can we just..."

You took a deep breath, the conflict tearing you apart. "Okay. For now."

Suguru’s eyes softened at your words, relief washing over his features. The air between you was thick with unspoken emotions, the tension palpable. You could feel your resolve wavering, the walls you had built around your heart crumbling with every passing second.

He took another step closer, closing the distance between you. His hand reached out, gently brushing against yours. The touch was electric, sending a shiver down your spine. You looked up at him, your breath catching in your throat as his gaze held yours.

“For now.” he repeated softly, his voice filled with a mixture of hope and longing.

You couldn’t hold back any longer. The months of separation, the endless nights of aching for him, all came crashing down in that moment. You closed the gap between you, your lips finding his in a desperate, hungry kiss.

Suguru responded instantly, his arms wrapping around you, pulling you closer. The kiss was intense, filled with all the emotions you had both kept bottled up for so long. It was as if you were trying to make up for lost time, to pour all your love and longing into that single, searing connection.

Your hands tangled in his hair, pulling him closer, needing to feel him, to assure yourself that he was really there. Suguru’s hands roamed over your back, his touch igniting a fire within you. The kiss deepened, growing more fervent, more desperate. You broke the kiss just long enough to catch your breath, your foreheads resting against each other. The intensity of your emotions left you both breathless, but neither of you pulled away.

“Suguru.” you whispered, your voice trembling with the weight of everything you felt.

“I know.” he murmured, his breath warm against your lips. “I know.”

You kissed him again, this time even more passionately, your need for him overwhelming any lingering doubts. His hands slid under your shirt, his touch sending sparks of electricity through your body. You gasped against his lips, your body responding to him in ways you had tried to forget.

The world outside ceased to exist, the only thing that mattered was Suguru. Being here with you. The kiss grew more intense, a fierce clash of lips and tongues, as if you were both trying to make up for the lost time, for all the moments you had been apart.

Suguru’s hands moved to your waist, lifting you effortlessly and guiding you toward the bed. You didn’t resist, your body craving his touch, his closeness. As he laid you down gently, his lips never leaving yours, you felt a sense of rightness, a feeling that this was where you were meant to be.

His body pressed against yours, the heat between you growing more intense. Every touch, every kiss, was a reminder of what you had lost and found again. Your hands roamed over his back, pulling him closer, needing to feel every inch of him.

“Suguru.” you whispered, your voice filled with a mixture of need and desperation.

He responded with a soft groan, his lips trailing down your neck, leaving a trail of fire in their wake. “I’ve missed you so much, doll.” he murmured against your skin. “Too much…”

You arched into his touch, your body responding to him in ways you had almost forgotten. The intensity of your desire for him was overwhelming, a force you couldn’t control. You pulled him back up, capturing his lips in another searing kiss.

As the kiss deepened, the intensity grew, the passion between you igniting like a wildfire. And for the first time in a long time, you allowed yourself to hope, to believe that maybe, just maybe, there was a chance for something more.

The walls themselves felt like they were closing in, drawn tighter by the charged energy of the moment. The temperature seemed to rise with every movement, the warmth of your bodies pressed together creating a cocoon of intimacy and passion. 

You moaned against the kiss, feeling his hand around the back of your neck, his fingers tangling in your hair. He was always so good at making you defenseless when it came to him. When it came to Suguru, you surrendered without a fight.

His lips trailed down your jawline, planting heated kisses along the sensitive skin of your neck. Each touch sent shivers down your spine, your body arching into him, craving more. His other hand roamed over your back, his touch firm yet gentle, as if he were memorizing every inch of you.

"You have no idea how much I've missed this." he whispered against your skin, his breath hot and tantalizing. “How much I missed you.”

You could barely form words, your mind clouded with desire. "S–suguru…." you breathed, your voice trembling with need.

He pulled back just enough to look into your eyes, his own gaze dark with intensity. "Say it, doll." he urged, his voice a low, husky command. “Use your words.”

"Suguru, please." you repeated, feeling the heat of his name on your lips, the weight of it in the air between you. “I need you.”

A satisfied smile curved his lips before he kissed you again, deeper this time, his tongue exploring your mouth with a fierce, possessive hunger. You responded eagerly, your hands clutching at his shoulders, pulling him closer, needing to feel him, to lose yourself in him.

His hand slid down from your neck to the small of your back, pulling you against him, your bodies fitting together perfectly. The sensation was almost overwhelming, a mix of intense pleasure and deep, unfulfilled longing. Your heart pounded in your chest, the sound echoing in your ears, drowning out any remaining doubts.

As the kiss grew more fervent, more desperate, you felt yourself melting into him, your defenses crumbling with every touch, every caress. Suguru had always had this effect on you, this ability to make you forget everything else, to make you feel like you were the only two people in the world.

"I missed you." you whispered against his lips, the confession slipping out before you could stop it.

He groaned in response, his hand sliding up under your shirt, his touch searing against your skin. "I missed you too, doll." he murmured, his voice thick with desire. "More than you know."

As he continued to kiss you, his hands exploring your body with a reverence that made your heart ache, you realized that no matter what happened next, no matter the consequences, this moment was worth it. Being with Suguru, feeling his love, his desire, his need—it was everything you had ever wanted, everything you had been missing.

And in that instant, you knew you would face any danger, any threat, just to keep him here with you, to hold onto this feeling for as long as you could. Because when it came to Suguru, you were willing to surrender without a fight.

The heat between you was almost unbearable, the intensity of your desire for Suguru consuming you. His hands continued their exploration, each touch sending waves of pleasure through your body. You could feel his need, his desperation, mirrored in your own.

"Suguru…" you whispered again, your voice a mix of longing and urgency.

He responded with a deep, passionate kiss, his tongue delving into your mouth, tasting, exploring. Your hands roamed over his back, pulling him closer, needing to feel every inch of him against you. The sensation of his body pressed against yours was intoxicating, driving you to the brink of madness.

His hand slid under your shirt, his fingers tracing a path up your spine, leaving a trail of fire in their wake. You arched into his touch, a soft moan escaping your lips as he reached the clasp of your bra, deftly undoing it. The feeling of his hands on your bare skin was electric, every nerve ending alive with sensation.

"You feel so good, doll." he murmured against your lips, his voice husky with desire. 

His words sent a shiver down your spine, your body responding instinctively. You tugged at his shirt, needing to feel his skin against yours. He helped you, pulling it over his head and tossing it aside, revealing the toned muscles of his chest and abdomen.

You ran your hands over his chest, your fingers tracing the lines of his muscles, feeling the heat of his skin beneath your touch. He groaned softly, his hands moving to your hips, pulling you closer. The feel of his arousal against your thigh sent a surge of desire through you, your need for him growing more intense with every passing second.

He lifted your shirt over your head, his eyes darkened with lust as he took in the sight of you. "You're beautiful." he said, his voice filled with admiration.

You blushed under his gaze, feeling a mix of shyness and exhilaration. "Suguru." you breathed, reaching for him.

He kissed you again, hungrier than before. You could feel his hands sliding down to your jeans, unbuttoning them with practiced ease. You helped him, pushing the fabric down your hips, kicking them off along with your underwear. The cool air against your skin was a stark contrast to the heat between you, heightening your senses.

Suguru's eyes roamed over your body, his expression one of reverence and hunger. He reached for you, his hands gentle yet firm as he guided you back onto the bed. You lay there, your heart pounding, as he stripped off the rest of his clothes, revealing the full extent of his arousal.

He climbed onto the bed, his body hovering over yours, the heat of his skin radiating against you. He kissed you again, his lips trailing down your neck, your collarbone, his hands exploring every inch of you. The sensation was almost overwhelming, your body arching into his touch, craving more.

"I need you." he whispered against your skin, his voice filled with urgency.

"Then take me." you replied, your voice trembling with anticipation.

He positioned himself between your legs, his hands gripping your hips as he slowly entered you. The sensation was exquisite, a mix of pleasure and pain that left you gasping, your body adjusting to the fullness of him.

"So deep, Su…." you moaned, your hands clutching at his back, your nails digging into his skin.

He moved slowly at first, his strokes deep and measured, his eyes locked onto yours. The intensity of his gaze, the connection between you, was almost too much to bear. You wrapped your legs around his waist, pulling him deeper, urging him on.

He responded with a groan, his pace quickening, each thrust sending waves of pleasure through your body. You moved together in perfect rhythm, your bodies melding into one, the world outside fading away.

Every touch, every kiss, every movement—each a story of love and desire you felt for each other. The intensity built with each passing second, your moans mingling with his, the sound of your bodies coming together filling the room.

"S–suguru!" you gasped, feeling the tension building, the climax approaching. “I….I’m close!”

He kissed you deeply, his movements becoming more frantic, more desperate. "I love you, doll." he whispered against your lips, his voice raw with emotion. “More than you know.”

The words sent you over the edge, your body convulsing with pleasure, your vision blurring as the orgasm washed over you. Suguru followed moments later, releasing a powerful, shuddering wave that left him breathless, his body collapsing against yours.

You lay there together, your bodies intertwined, the aftermath of your lovemaking leaving you both spent and sated. For a moment, the world was perfect, the dangers and fears forgotten. In that moment, all that mattered was the love you shared, the connection that bound you together.

Suguru propped himself up on one elbow, his gaze tender as he looked down at you. You turned to face him, your eyes heavy with a mixture of satisfaction and lingering emotions. He stroked your hair gently, his touch soothing. 

"I know I’ve been gone for a long time.”

“You have.”

“I’m sorry for leaving you without any explanation." He whispered to you. “For making you suffer.”

You sighed, closing your eyes as you listened to his words. "It’s been really hard. I didn’t know if you were ever coming back. And when you did… it was like opening old wounds all over again."

Suguru’s fingers traced patterns on your back, his touch calming. "I understand. I’ve had time to think about everything, and I realize now how much I hurt you. I didn’t mean to. But I needed to see you, to try to make things right, even if I’m not sure how."

You looked up at him, your eyes filled with a mix of sadness and hope. "What do you want from me, Suguru? What do we do now?"

He took a deep breath, his expression serious. "I don’t expect things to go back to how they were before. I just want to be honest with you.” 

The sincerity in his voice touched something deep inside you. You took his hand, squeezing it gently. "You’re someone dear to me, Suguru. You always will be.”

You could see how painfully beautiful his smile was. And just as much, how easily he started to grieve this moment. “I know.”

You snuggled closer to him, your body seeking the warmth and comfort of his embrace. As the weight of the conversation and the exhaustion from the emotional rollercoaster began to take their toll, you felt yourself growing drowsy.

Suguru’s arms tightened around you, his presence a soothing balm to your restless heart. "You should get some rest," he murmured, his voice gentle. "I’ll be here until you fall asleep."

You nodded, your eyes fluttering shut as the comforting rhythm of his heartbeat lulled you into a peaceful slumber. The feeling of his body pressed against yours, the gentle caress of his hand on your back, was all you needed to drift off.

When you awoke, it was to the soft, hesitant brush of Suguru’s lips against yours. You stirred, your eyes blinking open to find him gazing at you with a mixture of sadness and affection.

“I have to go, doll,” Suguru said quietly, his voice filled with regret. “But I’ll be thinking of you. Always. Wherever I go, wherever I am. I’ll only love you. Only you.”

You didn’t know what to say to that. The weight of his words hung heavily in the air, each syllable resonating deep within you. You wanted to respond, to find the right words to express how much his declaration meant to you, but the lump in your throat made it difficult to speak.

Instead, you simply reached out, your hand finding his, holding it tightly as if trying to anchor him to this moment. His fingers intertwined with yours, and for a brief second, you found solace in the connection, the warmth of his touch providing a bittersweet comfort.

Suguru leaned in, pressing a soft kiss to your forehead, his lips lingering as if trying to imprint the memory of your skin on his own. His eyes met yours one last time, filled with an intensity that spoke of a deep and unspoken promise.

“Take care of yourself, doll.” he whispered, his voice barely more than a breath. “Live for me.”

You nodded, your eyes misting as you tried to hold back the tears. “I will. You too, Suguru. Be safe.

He kissed you one last time, a tender, lingering kiss that seemed to hold all the words left unspoken. His lips brushed against yours with a softness that belied the intensity of the emotions swirling between you. It was a kiss that conveyed both farewell and the depth of his feelings, a final, aching promise wrapped in the warmth of his touch.

As he pulled away, his eyes searched for yours, filled with a profound sadness that matched the heaviness in your heart. There was a moment where time seemed to stand still, where every second stretched into eternity. The look he gave you was a mixture of regret and deep affection, as if he were trying to imprint this final moment into his memory, to hold onto it even as he had to let go.

With a final, loving glance, he slowly rose from the bed, the movement reluctant and heavy. The contrast between the intimacy you had shared moments before and the distance growing between you now felt like a cruel irony. He began to dress, his actions slow and methodical, each movement a reminder of the separation that loomed ahead.

You watched him, feeling a hollow ache settle in your chest. The sight of him buttoning his shirt, pulling on his jacket, seemed to magnify the reality of his departure. Each piece of clothing he put on felt like a barrier, a wall being erected between you. The warmth of his touch was replaced by the cold distance of impending goodbye.

When he finally finished dressing, he paused by the door, turning back to you with one last, lingering look. His eyes were filled with a mixture of sorrow and determination, the kind of gaze that promised he would carry you with him, even as he walked away. The sight of him standing there, so close yet so far, was almost too much to bear.

He took a deep breath, trying to steady himself, and then slowly walked toward the door. Each step he took felt like a betrayal to the moment you had shared, each creak of the floorboards a painful reminder of the separation. As he reached the door, he turned to look at you one last time, his expression a final plea for you to understand.

“Goodbye, doll.” he said softly, his voice breaking slightly with the weight of his emotions.

With those final words, he opened the door and stepped out into the hallway, leaving you alone in the room that now felt unbearably empty. The door closed behind him with a soft click, and the sound echoed in the silence that followed.

You sat there, feeling the overwhelming sense of loss, the weight of his absence pressing down on you. The room, once filled with the warmth of his presence, now felt cold and desolate. You reached out to the space he had occupied, your hand trembling as if trying to grasp at the remnants of his touch.

The tears finally came, streaming down your face in silent, aching sobs. The finality of his departure settled in, leaving you with the bittersweet memory of his touch, his kisses, and the love you had shared. As you buried your face in your hands, the pain of his absence was a stark reminder of the reality you had to face, the love that remained but was now out of reach.

You lay back down on the bed, the lingering warmth of his presence a bittersweet comfort. Yearning for what remained of him. The reality of his departure settled in, slowly. Tears kept falling and you couldn’t stop them. When you closed your eyes, all you could see was him. 

You cried until you were too tired to do it. And as you drifted back to sleep, you held onto the memory of his touch, his kisses, and the promise that, despite everything, he would always be a part of your heart. He would always be your ghost. He would always haunt you, even when you’re old and gray — he would always be more than a casual memory. He’d always be the one that got away. And you knew….you were his too.

[mana-chan-0]

Headcanon Twisted Wonderland (Sickness. p.1)

♫♪♩·.¸¸.·♩♪♫ ♥️ ♫♪♩·.¸¸.·♩♪♫

♫♪♩·.¸¸.·♩♪♫ ♥️ ♫♪♩·.¸¸.·♩♪♫

“How they react when you get sick”

Context : You've fallen ill in the middle of winter. Bedridden, Grim is depressed because he can't help you. You're running a high fever, and you can't get out of bed because your body is so weak from illness. Panicked that your condition isn't improving, and without a phone, Grim runs out of your room, looking for someone. But who ?

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[🌹] Riddle ♡ He was warned by Grim and came as fast as he could. After knocking on your door, he entered your room, looking seriously worried about you. Despite his deceptively calm appearance, he was inwardly stressing about your health. Riddle decided to call Trey and ask him to go and buy some medicine from Sam.

In the meantime, he fetched a towel, dipped it in a basin of cold water, and placed it on your forehead. He also prepared a little tea with honey, insisting that it would do you a lot of good.

- Y/N, you're not disturbing me," he smiled gently. I'll stay until your fever subsides. I've got my books with me, so I'll just study on the chair until you're feeling better.

[♥️] Ace ♡ At first, he didn't believe it at all; when Grim told him about it, he thought it was a joke. But seeing his anguish, Ace grabbed Grim and came running. He found you on the ground, unable to get up. He straightened you up and put you back to bed, claiming he was going to get you some water. In reality, he wasn't sure how to go about it. Remembering the days when he'd been ill, he seemed to act in imitation of his brother. Put a fresh towel on your head, go and buy some medicine and simple things to eat.

- Why do you want me to go ? I don't care if I get sick, you'll take care of me if I am, right ? Then you can pass on your illness to me," he smiled. Hurry up and get better. Otherwise, I'll be bored in class.

[🦁] Leona ♡ Leona had initially refused to make the trip to Ramshackle. But Grim seemed far too panicky. Conscientious, Leona had grabbed the grey cat by the collar before heading straight to the dormitory. Although calm when he arrived in your room, he hadn't expected to see you on the floor, vomiting into a basin. Your throat had been burning for hours, and nothing could be done. So Leona entrusted Grim with your surveillance and left the room, heading for Sam's store.

He had returned fairly quickly, with a large plastic bag containing medicines, ice-cream bags, small ice cream, compotes, and honey. Although it looked like he was bored, he was actually quite concerned about your condition. After helping you back to bed, he handed you a hot drink made from lemon and honey.

—So, herbivore, are you getting sick now ? What am I supposed to do if you don't get out of bed ? I'm not going to have anyone to distract me at night," he laughed mockingly. I guess, for once, I'm the one who has to watch over you.

[🐙] Azul ♡ As his classes had ended, Azul had left the castle to join Octavinelle. But no sooner had he arrived at the Hall of Mirrors than Grim, the second member of the Ramshackle dormitory had arrived between tears and panic. He tried to explain the situation to Azul, and the young manager of the Mostro Lounge thought for long seconds before moving. He hesitated between buying medicine or coming to see you immediately. But the second option was the best in his eyes, and as he quickened his pace towards the dormitory, he entered with Grim before making his way to your room.

You were desperately trying to get up to get a drink, and the surprise of hearing the door open made you lose your balance. Azul managed to catch you before you fell to the icy floor. He helped you up and forced you back to bed, asking Grim to fetch you a glass of water. Your hands were freezing, and your forehead was burning. Calmly, he grabbed a second blanket and laid it over you, seeming to think of a way to heal you. He took off his uniform jacket and began to throw away the many tissues around your bed before handing you the glass of water Grim had brought.

- Y/N-san, I think we should contact Crewel-sensei. He'll be able to give you the right treatment for a speedy recovery," he looked at the clock and then at your room. It's freezing cold in this dormitory. Perhaps it would be better if you came to Octavinelle to rest for the day. Jade and Floyd would be happy to help you too," he smiles more gently. You'll heal faster that way, and I would be reassured...

[🐍] Jamil ♡ Having listened to Grim, he had made his way to Scarabia, holding the cat under his arm. Jamil seemed to retrieve some medicine and small belongings from his room before returning to Scarabia's kitchens. He prepared a vegetable soup, a rice porridge, and cut out several fruits in the shape of animals and flowers.

All the dishes were packed away and Jamil made his way to Ramshackle's dormitory. The vice-prefect of Scarabia found you bedridden with a high fever and scarlet red. After airing out your room, he decided to move the little pedestal table from your room to beside your bed, where he placed the various dishes before sitting down on the edge of the bed, slightly teasing.

- Finally, even you're capable of being sick. I'm used to looking after Kalim. It's not that important that I spend my evening here," he sighed. Don't eat too fast, and don't eat too much, or you'll get sick again. I've cut the fruit into rabbit shapes for you. You said you like cute things, right ?

[👑] Vil ♡ Getting ready to return to the dormitory, the Pomefiore prefect had crossed paths with Grim, who was trying to find someone. After a few seconds of listening, he understood that you had fallen ill and that it sounded serious. The young man headed off in the direction of the dormitory, stopping to buy some medicine and ready-made meals at Sam's Shop. He also thought of buying you some face masks but decided to give up and buy a floral-scented bath bomb instead.

Arriving at Ramshackle, the state of your room made him sigh. It smelled of human warmth and the dust stung his nose. So Vil decided to run a bath in which he dipped the pretty floral bomb. After returning to your room, he gave you some fever medicine and helped you stand up.

- I'm going to air out your room. You, take a bath, it will do your skin good. How could you get sick ? I told you to be careful last week," he crossed his arms over his chest, looking at you. It's cold in this dormitory. You're going to come to Pomefiore for a few days as soon as you're better.

[🐲] Malleus ♡ Not finding you as usual at the foot of your dormitory, Malleus wondered if your condition had worsened. Earlier in the day, Lilia had told him that you'd fallen ill because of the cold. Initially, he had preferred not to worry, but as the hours passed, he became more and more doubtful. Humans were fragile, unlike fairies, and he wondered if you were in danger of dying. After many hours of wondering, he decided to enter your room. The little green fireflies began to light up your room. The moon illuminated your bed, while you seemed to be suffering from a high fever.

With a worried look on his face, he simply leaned over you, placing a hand on your forehead. He was not reassured by your burning skin. Only, he noticed that you seemed to enjoy the touch of his cold hand on your forehead. A small smile spread across his face.

- Humans are so fragile. But as you're always amusing me, I'm willing to stay like this for the night... "he sat down on the edge of the bed, continuing to stare at your peacefully sleeping face." Shall I sing you a lullaby to help you sleep ? ~

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So actually, it's my first headcanon about twst (*´∀｀*) It's only the part 1 today but more will come in the next days. So please don't hesitate to share your ideas ! 💫 Also, I'm actually French, so maybe my english is f**ked up sometimes, be gentle with me. (⌒‐⌒) 🌸

[angelicsoka]

SARA, l. hughes

word count | 1.3k

pairings | luke hughes x fem!reader, platonic!quinn hughes x reader, platonic!jack hughes x reader

summary | luke’s girlfriend has suffered in silence for too long, and luke noticed the warning signs too late

warnings | HEAVY themes of suicide and suicidal ideation, mentions of self-harm and depression, underage drinking and smoking, mentions of blood. ANGST ANGST ANGST, open ending, this is not a happy fic, luke is fucking oblivious. based on the song sara by we three. no use of "y/n". lowercase intended

a/n | this is my first time posting in here so i'm still figuring out how this all works lol. this is NOT proofread. also this is probably the darkest thing i have ever really written.

little sara, you're a diamond in the rough

and i know that you don't hear this all enough

and i'm sure that's why your wrists have tons of cuts

and i'm sure that's why you think you're not enough

fingers traced over the faded scars and onto the raised ones, the urge more than she can handle. but she deserved this. she deserved to feel so shitty, she was shitty. she ruined everything good she had, her relationships and job. a repeated process, be happy for a while and then fuck everything up. “who would care if she fucked one more thing?” was the thought that ran through her head, crimson covering the sink.

your mind can only think about the things it shouldn't

your brain is filled with thoughts of wishing that ya didn't

little sara, perk your ears up, try to listen

but she can't hear a sound because she's locked in a prison

the room was loud, but the noise sounded so far away as she dazed off. she was brought back to reality by luke swinging his arm over her shoulder, pulling her close. the sudden movement made her quietly hiss as her arm brushed against him, the fresh wounds in the back of her mind. she forced a smile on her face, looking to luke who gently kissed her forehead. he offered her a beer, to which she took, ignoring the concerned look on quinn’s face. she had been drinking all night  but luke didn't have to know that. it slowed the thoughts, so how could it be a bad thing?

luke began to chat with his brothers and their friends, oblivious to the smile that had dropped from her face. oblivious to the fact that she was practically chugging the beer in hopes to stop the horrible thoughts that had begun to invade her brain once more.

and she was oblivious to the concerned looks of her boyfriend and friends as she abruptly got up, walking outside. she sat down, pulling the cigarette from its box, lighting it. she took a drag, jumping when a voice spoke up:

“you’re killing yourself, you know that?” she whipped her head around to see quinn standing there with his hands in his pockets. “does luke know you smoke?”

“why do you care?” she snapped, turning to look back at the yard. it was quiet, crickets chirping being the only thing making noise. she ignored quinn as he sat beside her, taking another drag. she held back her tears, not wanting to break down in front of her boyfriend’s oldest brother.

“he loves you, you know? the way he looks at you says it all. you're good for him. i don’t think i've seen him this happy in a long time.” she forced a small smile at quinn’s attempt to comfort her. he was lying, he had to be, because who could love a fuck up like her?

all your friends they wanna smoke 'cause it's a friday

but you've been smoking straight probably since last sunday

i know you know you shouldn't say that you are okay

but you still look 'em in the eye and lie then go to use your ashtray

she was high, but when was she not? the boys passed around the blunt, each taking drags from it. they were joking around, jack and trevor wrestling beside her. luke held her close, his fingers gently running down her arm. she ignored the burning sensation that occurred when luke’s fingers accidentally brushed over her wound, a smile plastered on her face. luke seemed to be the only who didn’t notice that the smile didn’t meet her eyes. she huffed out a laugh at a joke made by cole, settling her head against luke’s shoulder. for a moment, she felt happy; carefree. 

that all ended when that singular thought crossed her mind: they hate you. such a simple thought, but she felt as though she had been sucker punched. she subtly shifted off of luke, who seemingly didn’t notice. she twiddled with her thumbs, ignoring the feeling of someone looking at her. she felt jack nudge her, handing her the blunt. she accepted it, unable to really meet his eyes. “you okay?” quinn mouthed to her when she met his eyes. 

“yeah.” she lied through her teeth, averting her eyes and grabbing the ashtray.

little sara, last night, you got it bad

in that moment, you could barely even

add up two or three reasons why you're glad

and i guess that's why you grabbed your pen and pad

it was 6:14, and you could barely even read

all the words you'd written down when it was time for you to leave

your phone was on the ground and you could barely hear it ring

couldn't even hear a sound, couldn't feel a single thing

nights were the worst. being alone in her thoughts led to serious consequences, this night no different. she did what she was suppose to, all the coping skills she had learned. still, she couldn’t come up with any reason to stick around, which is why she now sat at her desk, scribbling rapidly. she couldn’t hardly read the words on the paper, tears cascading down her rosy cheeks as she practically destroyed her desk in search of the blade. the distance sound of her phone ringing stopped her for a moment, the contact name and picture for luke clear on her phone. she pushed the second-guessing thoughts aside, muting the call.

luke swore when she once again did not pick up, the text that started this now open: i love you, lukey. i hope you can forgive me. he swore to himself, angry that he had missed the signs. as he thought about it, the signs were so clear, how could he have not noticed? he begged for jack to drive faster, dialing her number once more. luke wiped his tears as jack sped up, praying for her to be okay. he hoped he would make it in time, to be there when she needed him most.

now it's 6:15, and you're on your knees

blood is on your sleeves, and your lungs won't breathe

eyes are watering, body's shivering

and you're wondering what is happening

now it's 6:23, and they're on their knees

begging "jesus please, can you make her breathe?"

'cause they finally see what was happening

underneath their nose and underneath your sleeves 

she sat against her bed, sobs racking through her body. her chest was tight, her breaths short as she began to lose consciousness. she began to shiver uncontrollably, curling into herself to create any kind of warmth. she looked up when the door was kicked in, her vision blurring. her eyes fluttered close as luke ran to her side, her life slowly leaving her body. 

“get something to stop the bleeding!” luke yelled to jack who was frozen under the doorframe. he snapped out of it, grabbing the blanket that was balled up on her bed. he began to put pressure on her wounds as luke pleaded with her to wake up. they continued this until the paramedics arrived, luke hesitant to leave her side. for the first time in a long time, luke cried into his brother’s shoulder. and he swore to himself that he would never miss the signs again.

she can barely see the pavement

she can barely read the signs

people think she's complicated

but never wanna look inside

'cause she's a little too r-rated

and they're a little too damn blind

she's just looking for her angels

but they're a little hard to find

[lost-in-fandoms]

This has been something that's been living in my mind for a very long time. Sometimes, when things are hard, I write this in my head and it helps, so I thought I'd share. There's a bit of hurt before it goes to the comfort, but the comfort is there, I promise. This got long so you can read it on ao3 too

cw: non-sexual bathing, depression and a whole bunch of self-hatred

Daniel doesn't hear the door opening, but one minute he's alone, curled up under the blankets, and the next Max is sitting on the edge of the bed, running clothes still on. To be fair, Max might have been there for longer than one minute. Daniel hasn't been great at keeping up with time lately, keeps losing hours to naps and blank stares at walls. He's not been great at noticing Max either, sometimes feeling like he's living alone, even when Max is right beside him.

"Daniel."

Daniel opens his eyes again, hadn't even noticed he had closed them in the first place. Max sounds tired, careful, as he often does lately. It makes Daniel want to curl up tighter, shut him out harder, embarrassed and ashamed of being like this.

"Daniel, hey."

Did he close his eyes again? Max has one hand hovering near Daniel's cheek now, but he isn't touching. The last time Max had touched him without asking first when Daniel had been like this, just a hand on his shoulder, Daniel had flinched so hard he had kicked him off the bed.

Max has been sleeping in the guest room since, and the bed feels big and cold every night. Daniel is still glad Max is not touching him.

"Daniel."

Max's voice is firmer now, a frown on his face. It used to make Daniel feel worse, knowing he was upsetting him, but it's been a reality for so long he has learned to accept he's just made to make Max feel worse.

"Your therapist appointment is in two hours, Daniel, you should get up."

This time, Daniel makes the conscious decision to close his eyes. It doesn't matter how many hours he's been spending in this bed lately, he is always exhausted, and getting up sounds like way too much work. He doesn't want to get out of his blankets, doesn't want to have to sit up, to have to speak, to have to sit in their office to talk about his fucked up brain to a lady through a screen.

For a long moment, nobody says anything. Daniel is expecting Max to argue with him, to tell him he's being childish, pathetic, but Max doesn't.

It's worse when he simply sighs and gets up, leaving the room. It makes the chasm in Daniel's chest grow new teeth, gnawing at his lungs, breath stuttering in his throat. He didn't know he could feel more lonely.

He doesn't know what to do with this, with all the slick tar coating his insides, suddenly threatening to spill out, so he does what he's been doing lately and turns around, back to the bedroom door, and wills himself to sleep.

"Daniel."

Max's voice drags him out of the fog. He doesn't know how long it's been, but when he forces himself to open his eyes again, Max is crouching next to the bed, this other side now, still in his running clothes. Not long, then.

"I ran us a bath, will you come with me?" he asks. He doesn't look mad at Daniel for not speaking, doesn't look upset. He looks worried, and pleading. There are black shadows under his eyes. It's worse than him being angry.

It takes a long moment for Daniel to actually process the words, to filter them through the fog, but Max waits patiently. He always waits for Daniel, even when Daniel doesn't deserve it.

He doesn't want to get up, doesn't want to drag his limbs to motion, but he knows he stinks, knows his hair are a greasy mess, flattened on top of his head. He should. He doesn't want to.

"Please."

It's only a whisper, but it's impossible to miss in the quiet room. It pierces through Daniel's heart, his next breath coming out harsh and choked, his eyes closing on instinct. Even when he's deep in his own pain he can't forget how this is hurting Max too, but it's worse to see it so plainly, to hear the desperation in his voice. He doesn't know why Max hasn't left yet.

"You won't have to do anything," Max continues his pleading, more urgent now, "I will carry you, I will wash you, you just have to give me permission to touch you."

There was a time, before everything got this bad, when they were all over each other all the time, constantly touching, kissing, fucking. Now, Daniel can't remember the last time he even had wanted to come and his boyfriend is asking for permission to take care of him. He feels sick.

He hates the idea of Max seeing him like this, dirty and too skinny, but Max has never been good at letting things go and he doesn't have the energy to argue with him, nor the heart to hear his pleading, so he nods.

Relief shows so plainly on Max's face it's almost a physical blow.

He's still hesitant as he grabs Daniel's shoulder, helping him sit up, holding him still until the dizziness wanes, gently easing the t-shirt he's been sleeping in off. Daniel is gearing himself up to stand up when Max leans in closer, guiding Daniel's arms around his shoulder and his legs around his waist. It's not until his hands are under Daniel's thigh and he's heaving himself up that Daniel processes what is happening. A surprised gasp leaves his mouth, but Max only shushes him softly, walking towards the bathroom.

"I won't let you fall," he reassures, as if Daniel could ever be scared of that. As if Daniel had ever not been safe when in his hands.

In the bathroom, Max puts him down on the closed toilet seat. The lights are off and the curtains are drawn, but it's still much lighter than the bedroom, making Daniel squint his eyes almost all the way closed. The bath is full, the sweet smell of his favorite body wash already filling the room. There is an unlit candle on the edge of the tub, and it tugs on Daniel's heart, how deeply Max knows him, how he was aware that Daniel likes to have candles when he's in the bath, but doesn't like smells mixing when he's already so overwhelmed. How he left Daniel the unspoken option without pressuring him to take a decision with a direct question.

"Daniel." Max waits until Daniel is looking back at him before touching his shoulder, fingers warm on Daniel's clammy skin. "Is it okay if I come in with you?"

Daniel had thought it was implied, when Max had said he had ran them a bath, wonders if Max has changed his mind, now that Daniel is almost fully naked in front of him.

Some of his thoughts, who knows how much, he hasn't had control of his face in so long, must show, because Max frowns, other hand coming up to cradle Daniel's cheek.

"Daniel, I want to, but I don't want you to be uncomfortable. Can you please tell me? What is best?"

What is best? The best would be to go back four years and tell his old self to make different decisions. Go back two years and tell Max to make different decisions. Go back ten minutes and tell himself to fall back to sleep for a long long time.

He doesn't know how to answer an open question, one that requires more than a yes or no. He nods anyway.

"Yes, I can?" Max clarifies. Daniel doesn't understand why he looks so happy about it, but he nods again, and Max smiles, the lovely crinkly one that makes his cheek bunch up. It's a stab in his chest, realising how much he had been missing it, how long it had been since he had last seen it.

Max is efficient with his own clothes, stripping off and throwing them on the floor, but he's careful with Daniel, pulling him up and gently easing his underwear off, one leg at a time. Daniel finds himself looking at the wall over Max's back, refusing to look down at his own body, refusing to think about another time, when Max on his knees in front of him would have meant something completely different.

He lets Max help him into the bath too, water deliciously hot, scooting forward to let Max sit behind him.

For a second, the inch of space between them feels like a wall. Then Max sneaks a arm around his waist, pulling him against his chest, legs bracketing him.

Daniel lets himself go boneless, knowing Max will keep him upright.

He doesn't know how long they just stay like that, lost in the warmth of the water and the steady movement of Max's chest, but after a while he feels him shift behind him, reaching for something.

"I will wash your hair now, okay?"

Daniel nods, following Max's guidance to reposition himself slightly so that he has easier access to his hair, but keeps his eyes closed, brain for once blissfully quiet.

He doesn't know what he was expecting, but for sure not the smell of his favorite shampoo to fill his nostrils, aware that he had ran out weeks prior and hadn't bothered to buy more, using Max's 2in1 instead, uncaring of how frizzy it made his curls. He doesn't know when Max went to buy more, but it's yet another squeeze to his heart.

Max is slow with it, massaging Daniel's head, his firm and gentle fingers moving down towards his neck and shoulders too, working his tension away.

He holds a hand over Daniel's forehead when rinsing him, like Michelle does with the kids, and maybe once Daniel would have argued against the babying, but not now, not when he feels so deeply cared for.

He's not expecting to hear the click of another bottle opening, wasn't aware Max even knew of the existence of conditioner. He must make a sound, because he feels Max's chest move under him, as if Max is leaning forward to check his face.

"Okay?" he asks, fingers pausing in his hair.

Daniel hums, more sound than he's produced in hours, and it feels like a reward when Max presses a kiss on his wet shoulder.

"I called Vic, before," Max starts talking, hesitant and almost embarrassed, fingers twisting in Daniel's hair. Daniel doesn't know where this is going, but it's nice, to listen to Max's voice, his chest vibrating with it against his back, feeling closer than they had in weeks.

"I wanted to know, I..." Max huffs out half a laugh, self deprecating in a way he usually isn't. "I sent her pictures, of your hair things. I don't know why you have so many, but of course she knew, and..."

Daniel twists around, Max's fingers slipping from his hair, suddenly overcome with too much emotion to be able to deal with it like this. He bangs his knee against the side of the tub, his tense shoulders twinging with pain at the uncomfortable position, and he barely gets a glimpse of Max's spooked expression before he's burying his face in his shoulder, kissing the warm skin there.

He feels Max move, giving him more space to turn around, hands rubbing his back.

"I'm sorry," Max throws out in a rush, voice tense, and Daniel doesn't know what he's apologizing for, not when he's been so wonderful all this time. "I don't know, I..."

Max's voice breaks in sync with Daniel's heart.

"What have I done wrong?" Max begs, both keeping Daniel against him and pulling back, trying to look at him. "Daniel, please, if I..."

Daniel shakes his head grabbing at him to keep him close.

"No, it's good, you..." his voice is raspy from disuse and he can feel Max flinch in surprise when he hears it, but he pushes through, for once, unable to stand Max thinking he's done something wrong. "Thank you."

Tension bleeds out of Max's body as he cradles him close again, lips finding Daniel's hair, uncaring of the conditioner still there.

"I want," Max pauses, breathing out heavily, almost a sigh. "If I can do something to make you feel better, always I want to do it."

It splits Daniel's heart wide open, the candid way Max is able to say things like this, the steadiness with which he's never stopped caring for him, not even back when they weren't together, when they weren't even talking. He hopes Max can't feel the tear he can't stop on his already damp skin.

They breathe together for a long minute, while Daniel tries once again to process the impossibility of Max's love and Max holds him close, but it still feels too soon when his back starts screaming in protest, forcing him to turn back around.

They settle back in the previous position, but it feels like something dislodged in Daniel's chest. He feels lighter and more anchored at the same time, feels like Max's hands on his body are more real, like the fog in his brain has dispersed a little.

After rinsing the conditioner, careful hand still shielding Daniel's eyes, Max moves onto an hair mask.

"Vic said, of course she does not have your hair, but Vic said this was last," he explains, coiling Daniel's curls around his fingers, one by one, focused on the task as he would be on following the perfect racing line. "She said to do this, to make them right."

Daniel tries to imagine it, Max in the living room, or maybe on his run, or in the supermarket, calling his sister for advice on hair care. He knows he talks to his family most days, but it's different, to know he talks about him, about doing something to make Daniel feel good. A spike of shame curses through him, knowing that it means at least Victoria is aware of how much of a shitty boyfriend he's been lately, but for once it doesn't stay, quickly replaced by overwhelming affection. For Max, for asking, and for Victoria, for giving such careful and detailed instructions, clearly invested in making sure Max could do his best.

The water is cooling down by the time Max rinses off the hair mask and presses another kiss on Daniel's shoulder, arms wrapping around his waist once again.

"We can get out, or I can add hot water," he offers, lips brushing against Daniel's skin. Daniel almost asks him to stay, wanting to prolong the time spent in this little bubble of comfort, but their fingers are wrinkly and he knows his therapist appointment will be soon. He had thought about skipping it, earlier, just hide in bed and refuse to talk, but now that his brain is clearer he knows it would just make things harder.

When he moves, Max moves with him, keeping him steady as they both stand up, holding his hip as he rinses him with the shower head, knowing that Daniel doesn't like to just get out of the bath, even without him having to ask, taking his hand as they step out of the tub, offering him a towel.

Daniel doesn't fight when Max starts drying him, or when he squeezes the water out of his hair with another towel, or when he goes to the bedroom and comes back with clean clothes. He lets himself be taken care of, for once enjoying again being the center of Max's full attention.

It's only when Max steps back that Daniel notices how the hoodie Max is wearing is one of Daniel's, and it reminds him all over again how he's not the only one suffering from all the shit his brain is putting him through.

It makes his heart hurt, but at the same time he can't help but feel yet another wave of love for his boyfriend, who hasn't complained, hasn't left, has never made him feel guilty for any of this. His boyfriend, who so obviously misses him, enough to wear clothes that are too warm for him.

"Come here."

Max's head snaps up, surprise clear on his face, but when Daniel opens his arms he goes willingly, folding into himself a little to be able to fit against Daniel's chest.

"I love you," Max whispers it like a secret, hiding it in the folds of Daniel's sweater, and it makes Daniel wish he could fix his brain quickly, once and for all, just to not have to hear him so small ever again.

"I love you too."

He presses one kiss on Max's hair, then another.

He knows that when they'll break the hug, Max will probably try to convince him to have some food, then will sit in the living room pretending he isn't waiting for Daniel to be done with his session. He will try to make Daniel talk about it, go outside, eat dinner, brush his teeth, take his meds. He will be there, and stay there, even when Daniel kicks him to the guest room because he can't stand the touch of another human being, even when Daniel won't speak to him for hours and hours, too lost in his own head.

Daniel wants to say thank you, but it feels like there's so much he has to be thankful for, two little words wouldn't be enough. He hopes Max gets it anyway.

[rollinouttahere-writes]

helloo!! Can we please have dark chocolate number 13 with Ace pls \(//∇//)\ thank you!!♡♥︎♡♥︎╰(*´︶`*)╯🍫♡

Yandere Ace x GN!Reader

1.1k words

Prompt:

I’m so happy to have you here with me, I will never want anyone else. You have more of a hold on me than you’ll ever know.

It’s been a few hours since you’ve last seen Ace. An eternity in his book, barely a breath of fresh air in yours. During your precious alone time, you elected to stay in his cabin and tidy up the place. His tendency to just throw shit and leave it wherever it falls left the room in a chaotic state, and that got on your nerves given that this is where you spend almost every waking moment of your day.

Going out amongst the other people on the Moby Dick always left a bad taste in your mouth. They would give you pitying glances at best, but never lend a hand to help. They ultimately cared more about Ace’s well being than yours, and since your presence was directly tied to his mental state, your fate was sealed.

You never asked for any of this. No one wants to get dragged off onto a pirate ship because the captain of it got too attached. You had a glimmer of hope that you may be able to escape after the Spade Pirates were forcibly disbanded by the Whitebeard Pirates, but as already stated. They weren’t much help. At first they couldn’t even get close to you without Ace trying to kill them, but eventually he grew on them. Then they were helping keep you on board, lest he spirals. 

The relationship you had with Ace could be very draining. That fun, rambunctious side of him that had originally drawn you in was only a part of him. A front that he put on. In reality he was an intensely depressed individual that had become much more comfortable showing that side of himself to you.

In normal circumstances, this would be a heartwarming show of trust. Typically this would be a steady step in the right direction to build a healthy relationship, but nothing about your relationship was healthy. The exposure to his depressive episodes felt suffocating more than anything. While he would be sobbing into your chest and clinging to you for dear life, you would be forced to comfort your captor out of pure guilt from seeing him look so broken. You felt more like an emotional support animal than a human significant other some days.

Going back and forth between hating and pitying him was dizzying. Not to mention the bizarre form of codependent love that had been thrown into the mix. You never knew what direction your emotions towards him would go any given day, just like you never knew what kind of a mood Ace would be in.

It was exhausting. You felt like you needed a vacation to recuperate at the end of every day, but you of course never got one. So you would have to settle for the moment of peace you’ve been granted in this messy cabin.

The door is suddenly kicked open and you internally curse. Your quiet moment is done and over with now. You should have cherished it more.

Strong arms lock around your waist, heave you up, and spin you around. Ace seems to be in a good mood today, which is a plus. “(Y/N), I missed you!”

“It’s only been a couple of hours, you’re acting like it’s been months,” you muttered, more to yourself than him.

“What? A couple of hours is a long time, it felt like months.” He had mercifully stopped spinning and was looking around the room. “Where’d all my stuff go?”

You rolled your eyes, “All I did was stuff your dirty clothes into the hamper. Don’t know why you even have that thing seeing as you never use it.” It had a fine layer of dust that would gather over it in between your sporadic uses when you got fed up enough to clean.

“Not everything was dirty, most of those were still good!”

“It’s not “good” if you have to do like three sniff tests to determine that! Just wash that shit!” You were squirming to get out of his grasp, thoroughly irritated from bickering about you cleaning up his laundry.

Ace laughed and shrugged, “Maybe I’ll do it later.” Yeah right. He walked towards your shared, unmade bed and tossed you onto it before throwing himself on top of you. Oh. He’s feeling cuddly today. Great. Well, as long as he doesn’t start crying it won’t be so bad.

A kiss was placed against your cheek with enough force to squish your face, and then he unceremoniously flopped down, further squishing you into the mattress. Instead of using your chest as a pillow like he usually does, he nestled his face into your neck. His arms snaked underneath you to keep your bodies fully pressed together.

The man was a walking furnace, so you were already beginning to sweat. Such a thing didn’t bother him, but it was uncomfortable for you. Not that your discomfort was enough to deter him, you would be stuck in this position until he’d gotten his fill. This was far from the first time you’ve been subjected to this, so you knew what he wanted. One of your hands plucked his already partially dislodged hat from his head and tossed it aside so you could run your fingers through his messy hair, the other one rubbed slow circles on his back.

Ace hummed in contentment from your ministrations, and his body sagged more than it already had against your own. His hair was tangled, a common occurrence for anyone primarily living at sea. Your fingers worked meticulously to undo all of the knots. You weren’t particularly gentle with it, but he wasn’t flinching from every tug so you can’t imagine it was that harsh either.

For a while, nothing is said. Ace enjoys your company, while you feel obligated to acquiesce his wants and desires.

“I’m so happy to have you here with me, I will never want anyone else. You have more of a hold on me than you’ll ever know.” The words are spoken in a hushed whisper directly into your ear.

There it is again. That pesky, traitorous feeling of affection. The flutter of your heart from being so desperately wanted- needed even. Your impulsive inclination to comfort someone so clearly in need even though it’s absolutely not your job to do so. You wanted to “save” him almost as badly as you wanted to save yourself.

It made you question if he was the only one with serious psychological issues here. Have you always had this savior complex, or was it a recent development brought on by your living situation? 

This wasn’t something you wanted to think about today. You sighed and clutched Ace closer. Maybe it would be for the best if you just turned your brain off for a little while? Thinking too hard on your circumstances has never done you any good.

[rin-fukuroi]

𝐘𝐨𝐮 𝐥𝐨𝐨𝐤 𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐟𝐞𝐜𝐭 𝐭𝐨𝐧𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 [𝐍𝐞𝐮𝐯𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐞𝐭𝐭𝐞]

Please do not translate or publish my works without my permission.

The originals of my works can be read here

Fandom: Genshin Impact

Pairings: Neuvillette x fem!reader

Warnings: established relationships, just cute holiday's fluff!

▶• ılıılıılıılıılıılı. Ed Sheeran - Perfect

Note: English is not my native language, so I apologize if there are errors in the text qq

I'm not going to say anything, just let me give this lovely man the holiday he deserves (╥﹏╥)♡

art: @kiyoomiya__

— Are you sure I… won't be superfluous?

Another doomed sigh leaves your chest while you put the purchased groceries in a bag, which is held by a drooping Neuvillette, who has been pestering you with the same type of questions all day.

— I told you, this is a family holiday, Neuvi, and you are my family.

— But you invited your friends, and I…

— They're your friends too! — you put your fists on your hips, giving Neuvillette a disapproving look before putting your wallet back in your bag and kindly saying goodbye to the salesman at the bakery. — Don't even think about not coming! If necessary, I know where to look for you, and I'll drag you home by force.

— It will be superfluous, — the lips of the stubborn Chief Judge barely lift noticeably when you interlace his fingers with yours again, continuing your little shopping trip before the New Year.

Even such small things still seem embarrassing to Neuvillette. Is he worthy of just walking around holding your hand like that? You always find it so easy to find a common language with any people, you are always full of energy even in the most depressing circumstances, and you are so kind to him, who barely understands what «family» means in principle. Doesn't it hurt you to realize that it's hard for him to understand your feelings? Although Neuvillette is trying his best. He knows that you are dear to him, he knows that there seems to be no more significant person in his life than a girl who has so recklessly imbued with warm feelings for him, but is that enough?

Is that really enough for you to call him your family?

✧ ✧ ✧

Nauvillette feels such excitement for the first time in his life. His heart is pounding so strangely in his chest. Previously, this muscle pumping blood through his veins trembled only from your presence, which people seem to call a sign of the very feelings that he managed to share with you, but now… is he afraid? Worried? Is he embarrassed to just knock on the door of your house?

You really shouldn't have invited him. But how can he break his promise now?

Therefore, an alarmed man still finds the strength to raise his hand and knock softly twice. There are muffled voices outside the door, your hurried footsteps, sounding louder and clearer every second, almost in sync with the frantic pulse of blood in his ears.

You open the door abruptly.

— Neuvi, you've come!

And everything disappeared. The sounds disappeared, everything around disappeared, even the very concept of time, which froze as soon as you appeared before Neuvillette's mother-of-pearl eyes, remaining the only thing that really exists at this moment. Your hair is slightly disheveled, but neatly gathered, exposing your neck and collarbones peeking out from the neckline of a charming red dress that perfectly accentuates all the curves of your petite body. All the epithets were erased from the mind of the mesmerized Chief Judge, as well as the very concept of beauty, which was rewritten as soon as he saw you. It was hard for him to realize and accept this before, but now he really understands how beautiful you are.

So much so that Neuvillette just freezes, continuing to look into your sparkling eyes, which gradually reflect notes of concern when you don't hear any response from your lover.

— Neuvi? Are you okay? — you tilt your head to the side, crossing your arms over your chest.

Your worried voice intrudes into the bubble detached from reality, in which Neuvillette unwittingly found himself, and his eyebrows suddenly rise, and his face looks as if he remembered something important, now clearing his throat and burying his face in a scarf, hoping that the blush that appeared on his cheeks could justify the evening frost.

— I'm sorry, I was thinking a little.

— I wish I could say this is the first time, — you fake a heavy sigh, then giggle softly and step away from the door, inviting Neuvillette in. — Come on, dinner is ready.

— Thank you for the invitation…

As soon as Neuvillette's foot crosses the threshold of your house, he is immediately enveloped in pleasant warmth and the smell of homemade food. Something that had never been in his own home, either on ordinary days or on holidays, which he always preferred to ignore and spend alone. It's so unusual, but… addictive.

Even from the hallway you can see bright lights twinkling on a small Christmas tree standing in the corner of the living room in front. Laughter, several female voices and one male are talking animatedly about something behind the wall, which Neuvillette is trying to decide to turn around with you walking in front of him. The sight of your slightly bare back only makes him worry even more, but the man takes a deep breath, hesitantly stepping outside the threshold of a large room from which the noise of your guests' conversations could be heard.

— Monsieur Neuvillette! — Sigewinne notices the Chief Justice first, and after her, Wriothesley, who is sitting next to her, turns his head towards the doorway, nodding briefly to Neuvillette.

— Oh, we thought you'd decided to run away, Monsieur Neuvillette, — Navia breaks into a brilliant smile, leaning back on your sofa to get a better look at the guest frozen at the door.

To her right, Clorinde also raises her head, also nodding respectfully in greeting.

Neuvillette stumbles slightly over the words, awkwardly adjusting the collar of his jacket.

You roll your eyes, hurriedly running behind your lover and slightly pushing him forward.

— Come on! Sit down next to me. I remember that you said, "just pour me some water", but that won't do, you'll have a glass of wine!

Unable to resist your pressure, the man nevertheless sits down on the chair to which you led him. No wonder there is such an attractive smell in your house. The table is literally packed with a variety of dishes from simple appetizers to exquisite desserts, and Neuvillette glances at each of them in confusion before he is interrupted by a loud female voice.

— Help yourself! I made my best cakes for the occasion!

— Your cakes are always the best, Navia, — you giggle sweetly, leaving a glass half-filled with wine in front of Neuvillette before sitting down next to him.

— And I really wanted to bring my new nutritious cocktail for you for dinner, but for some reason the duke tried to persuade me not to do it for a very long time.…

— Shouldn't your cocktails remain special and be associated for Monsieur Neuvillette with such rare visits to the fortress? — Wriothesley awkwardly scratches the back of his head, earning a suspicious look from Sigewinne.

— Oh, I suppose if it was supposed to be a gift, then…

— I think there's enough food and booze on the table to not to worry about it! — you hurriedly interrupt your lover by tightly squeezing his knee under the table.

It's so unlike you, but Neuvillette decides to keep quiet.

— Fair enough, — Clorinde agrees, nodding curtly.

— Ah… Anyway, Monsieur Neuvillette, how is your health? I could arrange an examination the next time you visit us!

— I'm pretty sure Neuvi is okay, but I'd love to get checked out. I'm sure my back will hurt like crazy after today! — you complain, flexing your shoulder and causing Navia and Wriothesley to chuckle softly.

It's all like that… Unusual. Neuvillette watches you smile, how your friends laugh, sitting at the table, happily clinking glasses of wine when the clock strikes twelve o'clock. Although ludex is mostly silent, for some reason he does not feel superfluous today. All the people present at the dinner have been familiar to Neuvillette for a long time, but now they all seem completely different to him. Their faces shimmer with a palette of very different emotions even when they turn to him, but is today any different from all the previous ones? Wriothesley and Sigewinne always warmly welcomed Neuvillette within the walls of Meropid Fortress, Clorinde, although she remained as laconic as ever, but perhaps this was exactly what ludex appreciated very much in her company, and Navia's presence still seemed to make his heart feel out of place, but her radiant smile seemed to say without words that, although the past cannot be changed, there does not have to be a place for regrets in the present.

And you.

You are the main source of the indescribable warmth that seeps under Neuvillette's skin. You gently squeeze his hand, worried that Neuvillette may still feel uncomfortable, but for some reason this little worry even seems to you in vain.

This feeling is so new and which ludex has yet to explore… Is this what it means to be a «family»? The feeling of an invisible connection that has formed between everyone present at this small table, around which comfort hovers. And the overwhelming desire to touch you, which Neuvillette desperately suppresses.

«You're not a stranger to anyone anymore, Neuvi»

Perhaps there was some truth in what you said, which Neuvillette had blindly tried to deny before.

✧ ✧ ✧

Bonus:

— Here…

— What is this… Did you buy me a present?! — you clap your hands, noticing the tiny box on Neuvillette's outstretched palm.

— Yes, I didn't know when it would be appropriate to give it to you, so I decided to just wait until we were alone so as not to embarrass you, — ludex clears his throat, awkwardly averting his gaze as you take the box from his hand, curiously twirling it in his hands.

— Come on, Neuvi. Rather, you waited for the end of the holiday so that no one could see your embarrassment, — you laugh teasingly, noticing how the pale skin on Neuvillette's face is barely noticeably pink.

— N-no, I told you…

— NEUVI, WHAT IS THIS?! — your scream interrupts the words of Neuvillette, who now anxiously returned his gaze to your frozen figure, holding in his hand a silver ring with a small mother-of-pearl stone, somewhat reminiscent of the one that adorns the collar of the Chief Justice.

— I'll understand if you don't wear it. After all, I still don't know anything about what girls like...

— IS THIS AN OFFER?! — you stand on tiptoe, looking straight into Neuvillette's dilated eyes, who has slightly backed away from your sudden violent reaction.

— An offer?..

— Oh, we haven't known each other for a long time, this is such a serious step, — you mumble something unintelligible to yourself, carefully stringing the ring on your ring finger, but then the most dazzling smile that Neuvillette has ever seen in his life stretches on your face. — What the hell, I agree!

Neuvillette is still going to have a rather awkward conversation, but anyway… hasn't he already decided for himself that he wants to see that charming smile and plunge into the warmth that you exude, over and over again for the rest of his days, if you let him?

[telail]

never alone ⋆.ೃ࿔* c.s

Pairing: Choi San x Gn!Reader Tags: 1k wc, established relationship, angst, comfort, depression, fluff, ateez oneshot 🎧- Runaway by AURORA note: a little message from me to any of my readers or anyone who happens to come across this that you're never alone even in hard times. Luv u all <3 -TAE

In the quiet corners of your mind where shadows dance with light, there lay a battlefield that is scarcely spoken of.

To the world, you move with grace that belies the turmoil within, your smile which has turned itself into a well practiced mask that hides the depths of your struggles becoming nothing more than a display to those outside of your head.

Never knowing that beneath the surface there's a constant war against invisible adversaries– anxiety, depression, and a haunting sense of isolation that clings to you like a second skin.

As of lately each day has become a journey through a fog of internal conflicts, where every step forward is a victory hard-won against the chains of your own mind.

Your world has become one where your mental health is both the monster under your bed and the unseen weight upon your shoulders, a reality that you force yourself not to face.

In these moments of solitude, you battle with your thoughts, the darkest of which whisper of inadequacy and despair. Yet in the midst of this silent war, there lies a thread of resilience– a faint but unwavering light of hope.

Choi san, someone you’d met earlier on in your life. He was a kind soul with a gentle heart that somewhere along the line he’d trusted you to handle with care.

You’d crossed paths with each other when you were just teenagers and from there to now San had turned himself into something you could lean on through a bond sealed with genuine love and trust.

He pays close attention to you throughout the time that you two spend together, it’s always been an attribute of his that you’ve admired. How attentive he was when it came to people he cared about– able to pick up on even the smallest interests and quirks within a person just because it matters that much to him.

Which is why it wasn't surprising when he was the first to notice the subtle shift in your once vibrant spirit.

Where your laughter used to reside, which used to fill his ears and shoot straight to his heart leaving it with a warm fuzzy feeling– had now been replaced by a somber quiet. He noticed.

Sitting at the edge of your shared bed, San reached for your hand, feeling the coldness of your flesh and the silver diamond laced band wrapped around your ring finger. “Hey,” he said softly, his voice a gentle anchor in the quiet of the room.

You look up at him, your eyes vacant of any signs of interest though you try so hard to make it look otherwise. “Hi,” you replied, a ghost of a smile passing your lips.

“You’ve been.. quiet– lately. More than what I’m used to. What's been going on in that pretty head of yours hm?” He encouraged, squeezing your hand.

You hesitated, letting out a shaky sigh as you tried your absolute best to decline the feeling of tears making their way to your eyes immediately at the pure sincerity in his voice alone.

“I don't- it's- it’s like I'm lost in a fog, San. And- I can't see the way out– I- everything just feels like it's everywhere all at one time and it's too much– it's too much for me and I don't know how to handle it because I don't think I’ve ever felt so intensely before.”

San moved closer, nodding his head to give you a sense of reassurance that he heard you, that he was listening.

“You’ve been having a hard time for a while haven't you?” he asked, opening his arms slightly as an invitation to which you nodded and pushed yourself into his embrace.

“I know, I’m sure it’s been difficult baby.” he whispers, kissing the top of your head before continuing “Thank you– for telling me, giving me the chance to reassure you that you're not alone in that fog and that I’ll be here, to help you find a way out of that fog no matter how long it takes- we’ll find a way out, together.”

“You sound so.. sure. How do we really know it’ll all work out, or how much more of this I'll have to take?” You mumbled, leaning into his embrace.

“Because it always does, always. Life gives you clouds but sometimes they get in the way and turn into this inconvenience we call fog. It makes it hard to see and it makes things feel all damp and icky but it clears up, and things dry. I’ve been through some fog myself in life but you made me feel as though it wasn't just me trying to blow it all away on my own. So now it's my turn to do the same for you.”

By now you’d stopped fighting the tears nicking at your tear ducts to be released, a few spilled from your eyes as you asked, “But what if it doesn't lift what if it's just too much, even for the both of us?”

San swiped his fingers gently across your cheeks, ridding your tears with his gentle touch while leaving soft kisses in their trails.

“Then we’ll walk, and we’ll keep walking and we’ll keep blowing until it does. And on days when it feels too much we’ll stand still. There's no rush as long as it's me and you angel.”

You only found yourself nestling closer to him, finding solace in his words. “I’m scared,” you admitted, your voice barely above a whisper.

“Yeah? That makes two of us.” He says, flashing you his pretty dimpled smile. “Life is scary, but we're in this together.” He said, his tone becoming serious again as he lifted your head, your gaze meeting his.

“We’ll light up whatever darkness you’ve been facing with thousands of little moments of joy and more.. I promise we’ll make it through.” He reassured you, something he was just so unfairly good at.

For the first time in what felt like an eternity, you felt a genuine sense of hope. In San’s unwavering support you found the courage to face your struggles, not as insurmountable barriers, but as part of your journey together.

A testament to the healing power of love and companionship. Through dialogues of heart and moments of silent understanding, you remind each other that even in the deepest fog, no one has to walk alone.

Thank you for reading. Excuse any mistakes! =) -T © telail 2024 | do not copy, translate, or modify.

[sergeantgoggles]

Lemon Yellow - poly batch <3

Whew. Anon, you really know how to pick 'em.

3800+ words later....

Tags/TW: Polybatch, Emotionally Intelligent Wrecker, Poly Negotiations, Pre-Order 66, Body Dysmorphia, Slightly Graphic Depictions of Cybernetics and Skin, Depression, Trauma, Nightmares, Echo Crying, Mentions of Former Poly Torrent Company (Rex/Fives/Echo/Jesse/Kix/Hardcase/Tup/Dogma), Grief/Loss, Neurodivergent Tech, Implied Neurodivergent Hunter, Happy Ending on Pabu, 10 Years later, Gay Old Men, Canon Compliant Hand Loss for Crosshair, Tech was CX-2, Batcher and Teenage Omega

Lemon Yellow: How does the first kiss go? (+2 Bonus kisses)

“I saw you and Hunter the other night,” Echo mentioned casually as he handed Tech a spanner wrench. He watched as Tech give him a quick, unconcerned look and went about his business.

“We are in an established relationship,” he replied matter-of-factly, as though it should have been common knowledge that Echo could have simply looked up on the comm chatter.

Echo was new to Clone Force 99. It wasn’t his place to judge them for anything, and it wasn’t like he hadn’t also been in a relationship with another clone or experimented with one before. Still, he chose his next words carefully, afraid that he might know too much now.

“…I also saw him with Crosshair this morning.”

That did give Tech pause, and he sighed with a bit of exasperation. “Look, Echo, I do not know how to tell you this gently, so I will simply be upfront with you. The truth is that the four of us, Hunter, Crosshair, Wrecker, and myself, are in a polyamorous relationship.”

Echo let the words sink in. He knew what they meant, and he knew sort of how it worked. Torrent Company worked similarly. There were obvious pairs, like himself and Fives, and Jesse and Kix, but they were sort of just, all together, the eight of them. So, the four members of the Bad Batch being in such a relationship wasn’t something that Echo was necessarily new to, but…

“You seem perplexed by this,” Tech teased lightly as he set the spanner wrench aside for now. “Perhaps if I explain—”

“No, no, that’s not it. I know what it is,” Echo defended. “I guess I just didn’t think that that sort of relationship was a clone thing.”

“As opposed to what?” Tech inquired with interest.

If nothing else, Tech was at least treating it delicately, if not forwardly. Echo appreciated that he didn’t try to sugarcoat it for him. He knew it was a little…weird…to explain to some people. Even some people in the GAR had a hard time wrapping their heads around it, so it was always more simple to tell people he was with Fives, instead of having six other boyfriends.

“My old squad…”

“The five hundred and first?”

“Yeah, Torrent Company specifically, we were…you know.”

Tech seemed to brighten at that, but why, Echo could only speculate. Maybe he was just happy that he didn’t have to keep sneaking around anymore, but to be honest, it sort of made Echo feel left out. For now, he swept the idea under the rug.

“I see. Do you miss that sort of dynamic?”

Echo pretended to think about it, but the reality was yeah, he really did. He hardly gave his remaining squad a chance to make him feel welcomed back, afraid of what they would think of him, maybe. Even he didn’t know some days, but he knew that this was where he needed to be, at least for now.

“Yeah, I’d be lying if I said I didn’t miss flopping onto a rack after hitting the showers and there would just be someone there to keep me company,” Echo sighed.

Tech had a curious look in his eyes as he adjusted his goggles. It was obvious that he was thinking hard about something from the way he nibbled on the pout of his bottom lip, and Echo couldn’t help the intrusive thought.

‘He’s so cute.’

With barely even a second to process the thought, Echo’s eyes flew open wide as Tech’s lips connected with his. Immediately, his cheeks darkened, but he settled quickly into the kiss. Tech’s lips were softer than he’d imagined they would be, not that he made a habit of imagining his lips, but sometimes…

Echo hadn’t expected it to go much further, but Tech’s fingers brushed his cheek, fleeting and soft, gloved hand coated in a sheen of grease from the Marauder catching on the stubble that had grown in. He sighed, giving in to feeling someone else’s lips for the first time since—

Fives. The first time since Fives.

Abruptly, Echo leaned away, eyes conflicted as he turned his gaze away from Tech’s imploring look.

“I…am sorry for assuming that you would—”

Echo quickly shook his head. “It’s not that. I liked it, a lot.”

It was as though Echo could feel the heat and hurt radiating from Tech’s stare, and he forced himself to look at him, even though all he really wanted in that moment was to forget the pain of Fives being gone and for Tech to kiss him again. “I’m sorry, Tech. I just…haven’t kissed anyone in a long time. It took me by surprise.”

Tech pondered his words, then, “did I misunderstand?”

This was getting complicated. “No, actually, I want to kiss you again, but I don’t know where the others stand, and I don’t want to come between anyone. That’s not how a polycule works.”

“Ah, I see,” Tech seemed to ease up a little after that and sat back to work on the ship again. “If that is your concern, then I will talk to the others. You are right, it should be discussed.”

Echo smiled and touched the greasy streak on his cheek fondly before he stood. Giddiness coursed through him, but he was also nervous about what was to come. All he could do was hope for the best. In the meantime, he needed to sort out his feelings about Fives, as well as those that remained in his previous situationship. There were a lot of factors to consider, but maybe this wasn’t so bad.

Besides, kissing Tech again would definitely be on the top of his list to do again as soon as possible.

.

“WHAT?”

“Stop that,” Tech scoffed and rolled his eyes. “This hardly warrants that kind of reaction.”

“You should have come to us first,” Hunter sighed, but he was far less condescending than Wrecker’s outburst had been.

“As if you’re actually bothered by it,” Crosshair quipped as he cleaned the barrel of his rifle. “You’ve been looking Echo up and down since he first stepped onto the Marauder.”

Tech looked between them with a smirk as Hunter’s cheeks lit up.

“WHAT?” Wrecker boomed again.

“Enough,” Crosshair drawled in his direction. “We’ve all thought about it. You’re just mad that Tech made the first move.”

“You’re not mad about it?” Hunter asked and kicked his legs up on Crosshair’s lap. There was a sneer on Crosshair’s lips that said he wanted to knock them off, but he didn’t, instead continuing to detail his weapon.

“No,” he answered, and his eyes flicked to Tech’s, “but I want to know what Echo tastes like.” The suggestive tone didn’t go unnoticed, and Tech appropriately blushed as Crosshair licked his lips. “Why kiss me when you could just go kiss him yourself?”

Setting his rifle aside, Crosshair hummed. “You’re right.”

He stood, now knocking Hunter’s feet off his lap with a smack, and he leaned over the pilot’s seat to steal a less heated kiss from Tech’s lips. “Good thinking, Ace.”

“Hey, that’s my nickname for him,” Hunter pouted.

Tech’s flush darkened further as he was fought over, but the argument died when Crosshair kissed Hunter on his way out of the cockpit.

.

“Heard you had a run in with Tech.”

Echo looked up from where he was swinging from the sling strung up by the gunner’s mount, setting his datapad aside. “If you mean he kissed me, yeah. Didn’t get him in trouble, did it?”

Crosshair chuckled and crossed his arms. “Not especially, but it took us by surprise.”

“Why’s that?” Echo inquired, eyes curious as he took in Crosshair’s relaxed posture.

“Well, Tech usually isn’t the type to make the first move, even with us,” he explained, and Echo could feel the heat starting to rise in his cheeks. “You must really wind him up.”

As Crosshair leaned into his space, Echo found himself shifting to meet him. “Only him? Or can I get a rise out of you, too?”

There was barely a beat between them before Crosshair ghosted his lips over Echo’s, and they were gone as fast as they came. Echo chased them, but Crosshair was quicker. “You sure you’re okay with this?” Crosshair asked, eyes darting over Echo’s parted lips.

Echo faltered and leaned back into his sling. Was he okay with this? He had told Tech that he needed space to think, but was that only an excuse to make him talk to the others? Sighing, Echo shook his head. It wasn’t fair to leave Crosshair hanging.

“Hn, so you do have some baggage,” the sniper stood, giving Echo some breathing room.

“I haven’t kissed anyone since my last squad,” Echo defended with a scowl.

Crosshair quirked an eyebrow. “You kissed Tech.”

“And I told him the same thing,” Echo shot back, “and he kissed me, for the record.”

This was getting nowhere fast, and Crosshair seemed to see the same thing. Quietly, he stepped back and crossed his arms again, effectively shielding himself from whatever feelings he was keeping locked away. Inwardly, Echo winced. He hadn’t meant to come off like he was rejecting him, or any of them, for that matter.

“Crosshair, I—”

“It’s fine,” he clipped coolly, “but don’t make a habit of kissing my partners if you can’t get yourself sorted.”

Echo bristled, but averted his eyes, staring a hole into the side of the ship. Maybe he hoped it would swallow him up and he wouldn’t have to confront his feelings yet. That sounded nice. He heard Crosshair’s footfalls and listened as they grew distance, disappearing once again into the cockpit, seemingly to tell the others about being turned down.

Frustrated, Echo slipped his legs up into his sling and turned onto his side, facing away from where the others were gathered. Maybe this had been a mistake after all. He should call Rex and rendezvous with him. At least Rex still wanted him, and Jesse and Kix were still there to keep him from running away with his thoughts.

Hardcase had sacrificed himself.

Dogma was arrested.

Tup had suffered and died from what was being reported as a ‘mental relapse.’

…Fives was shot and killed for knowing too much.

How was he supposed to just pretend like each and every loss didn’t feel like a gaping hole being scraped out of his chest?

.

“Echo…? Echo?”

A large hand shook his shoulder, startling him awake. The jolt as he sat up nearly tipped the sling, but a body beside him kept it from dumping him onto the durasteel floor.

“Wrecker?” Echo questioned, his own voice unrecognizable to him. He lifted his flesh hand to his cheek and frowned when he felt the dampness of hot tears on his fingers. Damn it. “Sorry,” he continued, shame coloring his features. It wasn’t uncommon for soldiers to cry in their sleep, though the nightmares were more common with shinies. He was usually better at hiding it, though. “I’m fine. Go back to sleep.”

Wrecker fidgeted but made no move to go back to his rack. Worry was etched into his scarred face, and Echo didn’t have the temperament to be gentle about it.

“I said don’t—”

“Yeah, I heard you,” Wrecker murmured, “but I don’t believe you.”

Echo huffed and curled his cybernetic knees up to his chest. It was weird to try and hug them close. Metal dug into his skin, and it was uncomfortable to try and lay his forehead on top of the joints. More tears pooled in his eyes. Damn the Techno Union for saving him. He should have been left to die, march on like the rest of the Dominoes, like most of his partners…

Not be held together by fused skin and whirring parts like the monster that he is.

The sob that left him was quiet, but he might as well have been screaming the way Wrecker wrapped his arms around him and softly quieted his wails. It was weird, the way he could feel the ports in his head sinking into Wrecker’s chest, how tenderly Wrecker’s thumb grazed the skin where his scomp was connected to. Weird, but Wrecker held him like it was the most normal thing in the galaxy.

“…You don’t have to,” Echo sniffed. “I know what I am.”

Wrecker frowned. “I don’t. What do you think you are?”

Echo could have actually screamed. “I’m a freak, Wrecker. I’m more droid than human. I shouldn’t even be alive.”

His words must have struck something deep, because Wrecker sat back enough to grip Echo’s chin and gently force their gazes to meet. There was a softness in his eyes that wasn’t pity, though there was a bit of that despite how much he’d tried to keep it at bay, but understanding and compassion. Their noses brushed, and Echo let him press their lips together, firm, but chaste, with no hidden motives, the kind of kiss that was reassuring and grounding. It was the kind of kiss that reminded Echo of Hardcase after a mission with heavy casualties, kissing all of them and remining them that they’re all okay, they all made it. It was the kind of kiss that Echo gave Tup when he got into it with Dogma, promising him that they would make up and things would be okay.

It was the kind of kiss that Fives gave him their first night in the five hundred and first barracks, after they were extracted from Rishi, when they didn’t have any answers, but they had one another, and that was enough.

“We all have scars,” Wrecker whispered against his lips. “Some are small and hidden, and sometimes they’re big and obvious, but it’s how you wear them that makes the difference. For what it’s worth, I think yours are beautiful.”

Echo gasped, lip trembling slightly. It was the only time someone looked at him and thought that what was left of him was beautiful. No, not what was left, what he was. Wrecker thought he was beautiful as he was, even with the inconvenience of being mostly machine. It felt…well, it felt really nice to be thought of that way, even if he didn’t see it. So, he said the only thing he could in response and kissed him again.

“Thank you.’

.

Stars hung in the black sky and the moons of Pantora were high in the sky when Echo heard someone emerge from the racks. Normally, he wouldn’t pay any mind to it. It was likely Tech pattering around because he couldn’t turn his brain off. So, he continued to stare out the window from the co-pilot’s seat. That seemed to be where he fit in the best, and he and Tech worked well together.

He wasn’t expecting the glide of a bare hand on the back of his neck, massaging gently. Turning his head, surprise caught his features. “Hunter?”

“I wanted to apologize about earlier,” the sergeant said and took up Tech’s seat. “We should have been open about the nature of our relationship, and Crosshair had no right to kick you out because he wanted some action.”

Echo sighed. He’d almost successfully forgotten why he hadn’t been asleep in his sling between Tech and Wrecker’s racks. Crosshair had exiled him to the cockpit if he didn’t want to join in…activities. To Echo’s credit, it wasn’t that he didn’t want to participate, but having group sex was a hell of a first time with a new body, and he wasn’t sure he was ready for all that yet. Instead of torturing himself by staying to watch, he’d voluntarily left. Had he really been gone that long?

Judging by the way Hunter’s hair was mussed and the vaguely dark marks on his neck, he was certain that if nothing else, Hunter had gotten to partake in some activities.

“It’s fine,” Echo told a half truth. It was, to an extent, but he wished he had been brave enough to join them.

Hunter nodded, wringing his hands together. A nervous thing, Echo noticed. He was like Tech in a way, needing something to occupy his hands most of the time. It wasn’t as severe as Tech’s compulsions, but it was enough to draw Echo’s attention. Carefully, Echo reached over and took on of Hunter’s hands in his own. Immediately, Hunter latched onto it, tracing the lines of his fingers, pressing lightly on his palm, no doubt feeling his heartbeat through his veins. It seemed to calm him, though, and Echo smiled.

“I…understand why you didn’t want to join,” Hunter started, “but you should know that your cybernetic parts don’t bother us, and that despite our own feelings, we respect that you still have feelings for your old squad.”

Echo’s eyes softened. They really had been talking about him, but it wasn’t in the way that he’d thought they were. Not that he thought they were those kinds of people, but he had been so down on himself…it was easier to put the blame on someone else than face himself.

“Most of my old squad is gone,” Echo said aloud, maybe for the first time since he’d boarded the Marauder, “and the ones that remain…well, two of them were already together when we formed the polycule.”

“So, you were left out,” Hunter finished.

“Not really,” Echo shook his head. “They wanted to try…but I’m not the same as I was then, and I didn’t give them the chance to know me as I am now.”

Hunter hummed, still lazily outlining Echo’s fingers as though he were committing the way they felt to memory. “What about us? Think we might have a shot?”

A beat of silence fell between them as Echo considered the question. Was that what he wanted, to be part of another polycule? He certainly hadn’t wanted to assume that they wanted him in that capacity, but the last few days have proved that, if anything, they were willing to try. All of the pieces were there, most of them already put together, all that was missing was the final piece.

Hunter lifted Echo’s hands to his lips and kissed it, careful and deliberate. “You don’t have to give us an answer right now, but the offer is on the table. All you have to do is take it.”

He stood, letting Echo retract his hand, and winked before returning to the rest of his squad, of his polycule, the polycule they all wanted Echo to be a part of. Echo watched his retreating back for a few seconds before he stood abruptly.

“Hunter?”

Yes, he wanted to be a part of this, of them. He wanted someone to love, and for someone to love him, and he was going to find it here, with the Bad Batch.

Hunter turned just as Echo closed the gap between them, kissing him with so much need and longing that it took Hunter’s breath away, and he backed himself up against the console to steady the both of them. Hot, open-mouthed kisses left Echo gasping, and his hand shook as he tangled his fingers into Hunter’s hair, pulling him closer, flush to the line of his body.

It was only the soft clearing of someone’s throat that forced them apart and left them panting for breath. Echo blushed a beautiful shade of red as Tech watched them sheepishly.

“It’s not what it looks like,” Hunter teased.

“That is a shame,” Tech said with a small, crooked smile. “I was rather enjoying the show.”

“Then you shouldn’t have interrupted,” Echo smirked as Tech crowded into his space. This time, Echo was ready and kissed him with as much passion as he had Hunter. Tech became weak at his knees, forcing Hunter to hold him up, and Echo quickly decided that he could get used to this.

It wasn’t the same as being with the five hundred and first, but Echo didn’t want it to be. He would always love his former squads, but this new one wasn’t half bad. He hoped they would be around for a long time.

.

 10 YEARS LATER

Waves crashed on the beach, shifting the sands below. Over time, Echo knew that this place would eventually change. Erosion would claim it, or nature would, but in this moment, it would always remain as it was.

Beside him, Crosshair sat amongst the grain. He didn’t complain about sand getting everywhere anymore, even when it got caught in his cybernetic hand. Next to him, Wrecker slept, head on Crosshair’s shoulder, not so much as budging when the waves licked his toes. Their hands were entwined, soft and familiar, and Crosshair idly stroked it with his thumb as he watched the sun begin its descent into the sea.

Out in the water, Tech watched the horizon as though he were looking for something. Echo could tell he was talking but couldn’t make out what he was saying over the waves. Hunter, though, hugged him from behind and nodded along to whatever Tech told him, and took every opportunity to kiss his cheek, his neck, anywhere he could reach. Never again would Hunter let Tech out of his sight, or go where he couldn’t follow, not after Eriadu and Tantiss.

It took them a long time, but finally, they were all where they were meant to be, together.

Something broke over the horizon, and Echo grinned as Tech waved to those who were waiting on the shore. Crosshair nudged Wrecker awake, but the way that Wrecker was on his feet and waving in an instant, no one would have ever known if not for the drool on his chin. As a ship sped into the cove nearby, Tech and Hunter trudged back through the water and waited patiently for the ship’s captain to emerge.

“Hey! I’m back!”

Omega waved as she ran across the beach to them, beaming proudly as Batcher trailed behind her. No longer did Echo have to kneel to be on her level, and she easily leapt into his arms, still not quite tall enough to keep her feet on the ground. Echo caught her easily and hugged her tightly. This was her first solo flight, to Lothal to bring supplies to a small rebel cell and back, and as far as he could tell, she had been successful. They had known that they couldn’t keep her out of the fight forever, even though they’d all wished they’d had a little more time with her. After all, Omega wasn’t just their sister, but their kid. They raised her.

“Welcome home, Havoc 5,” Echo murmured as he set her back onto her feet.

Omega smiled and leaned up to kiss his cheek. That…was new, not unwelcomed, but definitely new.

“It’s good to be home.”

[macaroonff]

The boy in my dreams- Park Sunghoon

→Park Sunghoon x gn! reader

Comfort character/ supernatural au, where Sunghoon is a manifestation in reader's dreams

Angst! A lot of angst! You have been warned (>'-'<)

W.c: 1.5 k words

↳Warning: Mentions of depression, poor mental health, let me know if there's more

~~~

The wisp of navy blue magic that you envision every night, lying on your satin pillow transports you to your subconscious. Or what you assume to be, after all these days of hiding behind your jasmine incense that burned along with your memories of a certain person as you slept. The person being the director of your dreams, the one who controlled what you saw amidst the nightly journey you partake in. 

The one who superficially catered to all your worldly desires, especially the unattainable ones. Ones you couldn’t hope for in the day.

Somewhere between the dicey border of reality and fantasy, he happened to be there to lead you to a world that was neither of those, a place that only seemed to exist without actually happening to be. A place so familiar that calling it a fantasy would appear to be a disservice to him, who brought you here. 

You called him Sunghoon. Because that was how he introduced himself to you. 

He appeared to you in flesh, his dark bangs long enough to cover his eyes, which appeared dull, yet happened to sparkle upon seeing you. His arms were outstretched, enticing you with a hug that helped most days. 

“Sunghoon,” you whisper, “take me somewhere new please”

He smiles. “Of course, I’ll take you anywhere you’d like to go.”

You hold on to his sleeves tightly, hoping he would guide you out of today’s problem. 

He does so, by leading you away from your arduous day, in through the iron door you were so used to by now. The grey bolts were cold, and every time you pushed through them, it was as though your entire life force was taken away from you, like you only existed in this weightless form.

The door looked the same everyday, but unlike it, the places you visited weren’t. 

The places you’d visit were so different from the previous that you weren’t sure what to expect today. 

Hesitantly, you take another step holding onto the handle. Immediately an invisible pressure which pushes against you makes you flinch, and it lasts for a while, until it is dispelled by a cold wind that blows against your lips.

You open your eyes and take in what’s in front of you. It was a grassland. One where the stars were clearer than the transparent waters of the pond that reflected the night sky. It was where the bright fireflies contrasted the cold winds that blew through your hair, as you took in what you could through your awestruck eyes. The koi danced in acknowledgement, although half asleep, while the crickets chirped their eager tunes, setting the backdrop for conversations to come.

“Sunghoon, how is it possible for a place like this to exist? It’s beautiful?” you ask, bewildered.

“You have no idea what enthralling spheres your mind can create, y/n.”

You hum in the enlightening of what you had already assumed, at least from what he had mentioned before, time and again. He was a magician, a person with the abilities to show you around the unexplored expanse of your mind, those of what you had never learnt of before; unravelling more secrets you half wished you had never come across. Especially the darker ones. Ones that occurred recurrently in the beginning, back when you felt destroyed, damaged, and controlled by the intensity of your thoughts. Thoughts that revealed death, mentally if not physically. The thoughts completely mislead you until you realised it had become an unconscious habit. This realisation emerged with the new figure you saw in your dreams, starting as a silent spectator but slowly opening up to your presence as the days went by. He’d take your hand and bring you to beautiful places until you were out of the shadows; the present dream being better than yesterday’s, a cycle that continued until you looked forward to tomorrow’s. 

It had been a year since you found him. The boy came out of nowhere and introduced you to newfound peace. It was almost sacred, where you were now compared to when you first saw him, surrounded by a warm aura, sitting by the window in an empty room in your head. But now the empty room was a forest that nurtured and nourished. The progress was beautiful, just like the scene you saw in front of you.

“Really, how’d you find this place?” you ask bewildered

The boy laughs at your astonishment, finding it adorable.

“Like explained before y/n, I don’t find the place, I find you in the place. It just appears within your imagination although I’m sure you drew some inspiration from your enchanted forest pins on Pinterest.”

You let out a deeper laugh, seeing how your daytime fantasies of being in a magical place didn’t lose the opportunity to feature in your dreams.

You were glad. Content that you could find company in a space like this, even if it wasn’t real. You plop down onto your back next to him, gently placing your head on his shoulder, the vastness of the sky absorbing your vision. He too intertwines your hands, welcoming the known warmth. A warmth you’d gotten used to since the earliest night. 

That night, you’d cried on his chest, soaking up his shirt as you saw the images of your cluttered soul, pent up with anger and lost in the midst of your worries. You never bothered to know where he came from, where he went when you were awake. All that mattered was that he was there when you were not, it was never important. He may as well be a figment of your imagination. 

Yet, he seemed so real, even as he lay down you could feel the warmth that he emitted. You could see his pale cheeks burn crimson as well as the tears that slowly fell on them. Tears gathered at the corner of his lips while he sobbed softly, muffled, his body trembling slightly. All the vulnerability with which you regarded him was being returned to you, for reasons you were unsure of.

“Sunghoon is everything okay?” you ask now laying on your side while you wipe his tears that continued down. 

He looks down and gives you a smile, one that was broken despite his attempt at reassurance. “I, I think it’s time for you to wake up Y/n.”

“Is that why you’re crying? You know I’ll see you later.”

To this, his sobs get louder as he cradles you in his arms, trying to hide behind the truth of tomorrow. Despite your puzzled pats and comforting embrace, he can’t seem to disclose how by the next dream, your bridge between fantasy and reality would disappear. He would disappear. A being that manifested itself and helped you through the year had finished what he had come to accomplish. From the idle times that he hated seeing you purge through the dark, he had vowed to be by your side until you could walk on your own. Y/n, his sole reason for his existence, was someone he didn’t want to lose, but he also knew he had to leave. It was contradictory in a sense, as though he was a tiny dose of medicine that was no longer useful. 

In pity for himself, the tears that betrayed his calm demeanour ran into the grass, moistening it like the dew before dawn.  

And dawn came faster than he hoped, barely time before he could tell you about his departure. “Can’t you oversleep today?” he whispers softly. 

“Is this the same person who told me to fix my sleep schedule?” A gentle smile forms on his pale lips. “I don’t want to see you go.”

He was being unreasonably clingy today, and it almost worried you. It was the first time you’d seen the boy break away from his stoic demeanour, the first time you’d seen him express an emotion other than joy. It was a moment where he felt all too human.

“We’ll meet again tonight.” you try to assure him.

“We won’t,” he whispers. “I can’t stay any longer.”

Then it dawns on you, his conditions for keeping you company, and the predicament that you hadn’t foreshadowed in the delicate moments you shared. “Must you leave?” you hold him closer, hands running down his face.

The boy’s sobs became louder as the place started to fade into darkness as it usually would, at the end of most dreams. This time, however you couldn’t bear to let go. The tears that you never thought you’d shed in front of him returned as the memories spun around mocking you of your loss. Despite the force with which you held him, you couldn’t ignore the lack of beauty in the background as you started to feel the smell of the incense that you had lit, reminding you that you were bordering reality. In a last attempt to hold you back, he pulls you into a kiss, where his soft lips  dissolve into thin air with his last words.

“This time, I’ll dream of you y/n, until we meet again.” 

You wake up after the year-long dream of bliss consumed you while the reality with which you couldn’t ground yourself welcomed you, the rising sun had peaked through the curtains, your satin pillows were wet from the tears and the incense sticks had dissipated into its remaining ashes. Just as the boy in your dreams did.

[dyns33]

Upon a dream

Dream x reader, being idiots, as always 

Morpheus was truly the best boyfriend in the world. Romantic, poetic, attentive, tender, passionate.

If he had been real, he would have been truly wonderful.

But unfortunately such a perfect man couldn't exist, and so it was normal that Y/N only met him in her dreams.

During one of her nocturnal wanderings, she had found herself in a huge library, his library, and even if he had been surprised to find her there, he had not chased her away, allowing her to explore, showing her the castle, chatting at length with her.

It had been a beautiful dream, which she thought she would quickly forget. But she had dreamed of him again the following night, then every other night.

She was trying to convince herself that it was no big deal.

Her life wasn't so terrible, she had her family, her friends, her job, her hobbies. There were plenty of people who remained celibate all their lives and were perfectly happy being alone in front of the television, eating ice cream and imagining an ideal lover who would visit them in their sleep.

Nothing special.

           "My love, you seem troubled tonight. Far from me. Are you alright ?"

           "Yes, Morpheus. Excuse me, I'm just tired." Y/N apologized with a smile, snuggling into his arms to forget her worries, and the fact that he wouldn't be there when she woke up.

           "Good. That's what I'm here for. You can rest in peace, I'm watching over you. What do you want to do, my love ? Lucienne would be happy to show you new books, Cain and Abel wish to tell new stories, Matthew asks for gossip from the waking world. We can also walk in the gardens, travel to the other side of the galaxy, or stay in bed. Tell me, my love, I am at your command."

           "You're adorable. Anything is fine with me, as long as we do it together."

           "My sweet." he whispered, kissing her.

As always, it was difficult for Y/N when she opened her eyes and found herself in her bedroom, alone, in her cold bed, just like when she went to sleep.

It was absurd, she repeated it to herself every time she was about to fall asleep, but a simple dream managed to make her feel things she had never felt in her entire existence. The human brain could really be fascinating. And dangerous.

Depressing.

Because even if she was terribly happy when she was with Morpheus, she was just as sad when she left him and returned to reality.

Several times, she had thought of talking to a doctor about it. To find a solution. But Y/N didn't really see what it was going to solve.

They were only going to tell her that she felt lonely, which she already knew, and that her dreams were trying to fill that void.

The only thing she could do was seek the company of real people when she was awake.

It was not easy.

If Y/N had been able to get a real boyfriend, she would have done it a long time ago.

And it was worse now, because no one could ever be as good as Morpheus. She was really in love with him.

In love with a dream, it was really depressing.

There was also this ridiculous idea in the back of her head, which kept telling her that it wouldn't be very proper to cheat on him. Even if he didn't exist.

He didn't exist. Morpheus didn't exist, he wasn't waiting for her in her dreams every night, he would never magically appear in front of her, and if he loved her, then he would understand that she was looking for someone to spend her life with.

After asking her friends for advice, one of them offered to introduce her to a charming man, with whom she could get along well. It was less risky than meeting a stranger, because they could tell he was a good person.

And if she didn't like him, it would be fine, she would find other suitors.

Désiré was indeed a charming man. Funny, kind, seductive. But during the whole evening they spent together, Y/N only thought of Morpheus.

When their hands touched at the end of the meal, she quickly pulled it away apologetically. He looked a little offended, but he didn't say anything, forcing a smile.

           "It seems to me that I am not up to it." he sighed when it was time to part ways. "I don't like to lose, but I know when I'm not... wanted. Which doesn't happen often. He's lucky. He doesn't deserve it."

           "... I don't understand what you are talking about."

           "Oh, darling. I think that's the part I find the funniest. He'll be pissed that we had dinner together, but I can't imagine his reaction at all when he finds out why we had dinner together. "

           "It's late, I have to go home."

           "You're right. Sweet dreams." he purred, throwing a kiss at her.

Y/N did not try to understand what Désiré had meant. No doubt he had drunk too much alcohol during the meal, and he had guessed that there was someone else in her heart.

Going to bed, she relaxed thinking that she was finally going to find Morpheus and his marvellous kingdom, after this long day.

The throne room was horribly empty and cold when she materialized there. Sitting on the steps of his huge staircase, Morpheus watched her with an impassive face.

           "How was my brother-sister ?"

           "... Your what ?"

           "Desire. You were with them all night. At first I thought I had to step in, that they were going to try to hurt you, but... Matthew told me you asked to have dinner with them. A "date". You asked your friends to find you a 'date', several 'dates'. So I'm not enough for you ? You don't love me anymore ? Are you making fun of me ?"

           "Morpheus." she sighed sadly. "Of course I love you. I love you more than anything."

           "But not enough to be faithful."

           "Oh, I knew my mind would go to that ground, it's really not fair."

           "... Your mind ?" he repeated slowly.

           "Listen, I love you. But you're not real. It's just a dream. I can't wake up every morning to be reminded that this isn't true, that I'm alone, not loved, and the only times I feel some joy are during my sleep, with a being that my subconscious has invented. You are perfect, and the more time I spend with you, in this fabulous world, the more I cut myself of the real world. It's not healthy."

           “It is true that it is not good for mortals to live in the Dream. But that does not mean that it is not real. That we are not real. You... You really don't know who I am ? You really don't know it's not just a dream ? It's never just a dream."

           "Morpheus... Don't make me hope in vain."

           "I told you to go on dates in the waking world, boss. Just because you always say you exist doesn't mean the lady is going to believe it's true."

The little raven trembled a bit when his master looked at him, flying away to rest on Y/N's shoulder, where he would be safe, for the moment.

           "Maybe I should have listened to you, Matthew. But it's not too late. Desire also showed me that our love was strong, they couldn't do anything against it. I just have to make up for my mistake."

Slowly, Morpheus stood up, approaching Y/N, who didn't know what to make of this dream. It really wasn't like the other nights.

He caressed her cheek tenderly, before kissing her like every time she was going to have to leave soon.

           "When you wake up my love, I'll be there and you won't have any reason to be sad, or look for another partner."

           "Don't make me..."

           "This dream is over."

Jumping up in bed, Y/N first looked at the window, seeing that it was still dark. She then looked at the time, which made her sigh. It was still very late.

           "Good evening my love."

This time, in addition to jumping, she screamed, falling off her bed. Immediately, a man came running to her side, asking her if she was alright and helping her to sit on the mattress. He had the voice of Morpheus. And his face.

No, it was impossible.

           "Well done, boss. Subtle. She wasn't scared at all."

           "Silence, Matthew. My love, forgive me, I told you I would be here."

           "... I'm still dreaming ?"

           "No."

           "So this is it, I'm crazy."

           "You are not in my younger sister's domain, I can assure you. I should have explained a lot about myself to you more clearly, I should have visited you in the waking world earlier. We were so happy I was not thinking, as soon as you appeared in front of me I only wanted to be with you and I did not see that I was hurting you. I apologize. My love, I am Morpheus, Dream of the Endless, king of dreams and nightmares, prince of stories, and I am very real."

           "... You are real." she said softly, touching his face to make sure he really wasn't an illusion. He closed his eyes when her fingers touched his skin, turning to make them pass on his lips. "All this time, you've been real. And I almost dated another man. You must hate me."

           "I wasn't thrilled by this news, but there was a misunderstanding, so I forgive you, if you promise me never to do this again, and to stay away from Desire."

           "His name is Désiré, and okay."

           "Desire is my brother sister, my sibling. Another Endless. They wanted to have fun with you, at my expense, but your feelings were strong and sincere, preventing them from manipulating you, and proving to me that I had no reason to be jealous."

           "But you were still a little jealous."

           "No."

           "Boss." muttered the raven, poking its head out of its creator's cloak. "Boss, you're really bad with girls. You always have to say yes. Yes I'm jealous, but I trust you, I love you, I don't deserve you and I'll do anything to be worthy of..."

           "Thanks Matthew, you can go back to the Dreaming now."

           "I'm a good wingman, I think it's safer if I stay."

           "My love and I are together for the first time in the waking world, at night, in her room, on her bed."

           "... See you, boss ! Madam ! Be good !"

The raven disappeared back into the cloak. Morpheus waited a few moments, as if wanting to make sure he was gone, before laying sensually on top of her, suddenly looking a bit taller, his shadow enveloping the entire room as a sort of purr emanated from him. Y/N wondered if she was really awake.

           "So, my love, what do you want to do ?" he asked, as he asked her every night.

           "Hmm... I'm too tired to go out. It's a little late to read, watch a movie or even dance. So what could we do ?"

           "What, indeed ?"

           "Is the king of dreams sleeping ? Is he dreaming ?"

           "No, and no. But I think about you all the time, to the point that it interferes with my work. A lot of people often dreamed of you, because I wasn't concentrating enough."

           "Are you willing to sleep with me ? I mean, sleep sleep. I'm really tired. But if you're here tomorrow morning... You know."

           "It would be an honour for me to watch over you while you sleep. I already do it every night, but to hold you in my arms while you are asleep. It is the most beautiful proof of love and trust. Not many people realize that there is nothing more vulnerable than a sleeping being. Thank you for this gift, my love."

Smiling, Y/N snuggled up to him after being settled under the covers. She would have liked to listen to his heart before falling asleep, but obviously he had none. He didn't need it, he wasn't human.

They would talk about that later, and the consequences that implied.

But now she was tired, and happy that Morpheus was really there, in her bed.

           "Are you really not going to sleep ?"

           "No. I'm going to beg my father for the night to pass faster, so that it's morning and we… You know."

Y/N would also ask him about his strange family when she was better awake. In the meantime, she fell asleep peacefully in the arms of Morpheus, who sang her a lullaby while stroking her hair.

[vktrsnclr]

It's Been A Long, Long Time (R13+)

Pairing: miguel o'hara x f reader

summary: your canon event was losing your family including your husband, Miguel and your daughter, Gabriella. Instead of Miguel, you became this Earth's Spider-woman.

word count: 900+

warning: depression, trauma dumping

characters: hobie brown, jessica drew, miguel o'hara, y/n

A/N: Hi! This'll be my first post in this account. I just love the plot and reality shifted into it and now I got sum tea for all of y'all. This is just a part of what happened in my DR, just added some details.

Exhausted from yet another grueling overtime shift at work, you arrive home craving to be greeted by the warm embrace of your husband. Instead, you find an empty home, with no signs of life or activity. It's been 4 years since they've passed.

The silence is deafening, and you can't help but feel a sense of emptiness wash over you. You managed to eat a fastfood take out dinner, take a bath, cry in the tub and then go to bed. You laid down and felt a tingling sensation in your brain.

It's your spidey-sense. You knew something bad is gonna happen but you just don't seem to care, your heart froze over the years. Mourning and grief is all you've ever known.

Still, you reached for the lamp and looked by the window in your apartment.

"Why can't they all just die?" You sighed coldly, raising an eyebrow.

Two men was fatally struck and got ran over by a truck. You notice that glitch again as the sirens fill the road, You went back into bed like nothing happened, still as empty as before. It's been a year since you stopped meddling with civilians, you didn't see a point in saving them.

As you drift off to sleep, a bright, glitchy hexagonal portal appeared into your room, interrupting your sleep. A 7 foot tall, muscular spider variant, another female variant and a spiderpunk variant appeared from the portal.

You pressed the arc reactor at the back of your neck and immediately changed into your spidersuit.

"Amor?" The tall variant asked softly. You recognized his voice immediately because he's the only one who calls you that. You started to tear up under the suit and asked yourself if you're only dreaming. Emotions rush back into your brain after a long time.

"Miguel?" You removed your mask.

"Amor mio!" He greeted you with an embrace, his squeezing hug felt real. You froze in place, completely shocked and confused.

"Is she?" Spiderpunk whispered at the lady.

"Yep. Just let him have his moment." She replied calmly.

"You're back." Your voice breaks as he removes his mask, revealing his watery eyes. He looked at the window for a moment and asked the spiderlady and spiderpunk to fix the 'canon disruption' outside.

"What's happening?"

"Amor, you left traces of canon disruptions for the whole year. Lyla, can you run it?" A small holographic display of a virtual assistant appeared next to him. She explained what canon events are and you ignoring your senses and not saving the neighborhood is a canon event that should be stopped.

"So you were monitoring me since then?" A punch of anger and confusion struck your chest.

"Mi vida, I'm not from here. I'm from another dimension." He explains, holding your hand. He's kneeling on your bed where you sat.

"Wow. So, you can do all this, visit me." You scoffed. He looks down, fidgeting his shaky fingers.

"You can access this dimension all this time but you never did." You have so many questions and you're walking back and forth, having a crisis while asking where he's been all this time. Those questions are left in the open, halted by a moment of silence.

"I lost Gabriella too." He sighs. You halted for a moment to face him. He's staring at the floor, inner brow raised, openly expressing his sadness and regret. His words hang in the air, the gravity of what he's just said hits you like a force of a bullet.

"I tried to live in a universe where I was dead and you're both alive..... but tragedy followed me everywhere.

When I found you and this universe, my hopes went up but I realized that I should probably leave you alone cause I got scared."

"Miggy..."

"It's better being a coward than watch you glitch away repeatedly." His grinned with a pair of watery eyes, trying to hold it back.

"Honey, I'm sorry. I didn't know." You placed your hand on his shoulders. Your touch provided him a sense of comfort and relief.

"I understand, but what you did here, almost causing a nexus event, It's gruesome, It's cold, That's no way to live." He sat next to you, looking directly at your dark hollowed eyes. He's not mad but rather concerned. He knows everything you did, ignoring the city, causing New York to be a hellhole and a safe haven for criminals.

"I know. I feel rotten since you've been gone. I was weak and I didn't know how to cope. I know I can never bring back their lives, I can't save them if I'm drowning but I'll accept the consequences of my actions."

"I'm sorry you feel that way, but this is the only way I can take you with me. I won't make you suffer any longer." He sat you down on the bed and kneeled in front of you, holding your hands in a loving manner.

"Wait.. am I dying? Are you.. are you a ghost?" You cupped his cheeks and lightly taps it, checking his body heat.

"No no no, I'll take you with me. To my universe." He let out a soft chuckle, taking your hand and planted kisses on it.

Your face lightens up, you didn't understand how that would happen but you're just grateful to be together with him. That's what you both longed for, finally having a chance to be together.

"Let's go home."

[nightmarexdove]

SA victim! Reader × RE8 Chris redfield

Note: Made this honestly for myself, been struggling allot emotionally and mentally and I really just needed to write something to give me comfort. I decided to share this in hopes of giving others struggling with similar situations a comfort as well! :') I do want to apologize if this writing comes off as rude or ignorant in any kind of way, I've mainly used my own experiences to tailor this together but I've tried to use universal language to make it feel more personal to the reader. I hope you guys enjoy 💞

The day you opened up to him about your assault or rape was when you were having a particularly bad day in your head, you were having flashbacks of that very moment that ruined you for the rest of your life. Your depression, anger and confusion hit you like a train. You didn't want to be around anyone, not even the man who was trying so hard that day to get you to open up about what was getting you so down. But for whatever the reason maybe, you just couldn't. He worked during what felt like, every damn day of the week, he had enough on his plate. Plus, fear and apprehension was keeping you radio silent the longest. What if he just rolled his eyes, laughed and didn't believe you? Then what? Your relationship wouldn't be the same or just wouldnt exist anymore at all so you thought anyways. Chris would leave you in a heartbeat, no questions asked.

"Baby no- I'm sorry, I can for a fact guarantee you are talking out your ass right now. It's written all over your face."

You could imagine him, you could imagine him saying those very words and right there and then everything you've built with him over the years would fall apart in mere seconds.

I could imagine that in reality, he'd be always ready to talk no matter what or how he's feeling. Because right now, he could matter less. trying to offer you comfort in the forms of snacks, blankets hugs and kisses.

What alarmed him was when you'd force yourself out of his embrace, when you'd stay away from the comforts that you may have typically enjoyed.

He'd be worried sick alright, calling Claire for advice on how he could better help you and maybe get a idea of what your silent struggles where about lately.

You'd sit with him after a few days, and he'd listen face to face with you ears eyes and thoughts all devoted to you, his angel.

"Oh hun...I'm so so sorry, I should have been less pushy. I'm so sorry."

He'd whisper in a quiet, softer voice. Letting you throw yourself at him for a tight hug, all he could feel was- hurt. He felt hurt seeing you hurt, especially THIS hurt. He may not be able to fully understand your pain, but he empathizes and wants nothing more than to take care of you in any way he could.

You want a bubble bath? Say less, your his number one priority.

Takeout from your favorite place, he's getting something from there too.

Or if you just want to vent about it, if you just need his undying attention then so be it.

He'd listen to you all day, keeping you wrapped in his enormous arms safe against his chest and safe in the four walls of your shared space.

"You are so so strong sweetheart, so brave and stronger than you think. I'd say, your stronger than me and my men, your safe here and I'll make sure it stays like that. If you ever need to talk, you know you'll have me, whatever you need."

He'd reassure you in that warm voice of his, like honey his words fell from his lips if you needed to cry or already crying, He'd keep you held close against him, letting you get everything out.

If you needed sometime in therapy, Chris would search for the best place money could buy. He wanted you to feel well, to feel cared and loved and thought about.

I could imagine him to be a VERY patient man, if you were having a flashback that day or just very upset and angry he'd understand and let you express your needs. Weather through writing them down gesturing, or just out right telling him. He'll let you decide and be right with you to support your health and mind.

If there were certain things that especially reminded you of the time, Chris would ask you to either tell him or write it down so that way he'll know to not bring it up or bring a said object near you just to give an example.

If you liked to draw, paint or bake or just chill and watch movies. He'd definetly do these activities with you whenever he's available, he'd definitely check in with you more than previously either texting calling or just asking in person. He knows this is a very delicate moment and time for you, so he'll keep tabs on you 24/7.

When he's away and on duty for work, I can imagine him going to Leon and asking if he could find for him any Intel on your abuser. And during his time away from home, he'd make it his personal mission to find and take care of the waste of air who hurt his precious sunshine.

[danger-xylophones]

Hi hi hi! Just found your account and saw your requests were open, I was hoping to request some lotr/the hobbit headcanons? Preferably about a reader who's struggling with depression while on the quest and the others notice their behaviour & give them some comfort/hope. You can do whichever characters you see fit, but if it's okay with you I'd particularly like to see Boromir, Aragorn, Legolas, Thorin, Fili, Kili and Elrond :) thanks a bunch, I hope you have a great day! <3

Howdy, welcome to the shitshow!

Thank you so much for this request! It was really therapeutic to write. Also I apologize if any of these seem ooc.

A lot of the described symptoms are things I've experienced in working through my own depression.

Warnings: depression symptoms, hopelessness, really vague reference to ideation (only in Elrond's)

Can be read as romantic or platonic, gender neutral

masterlist

Boromir

This man can be either the least or most comforting

And it all depends on how close you are when the symptoms rear their collective head

Early on, he’ll offer his ear and listen to your troubles but he can’t do much more besides helplessly shrug and say something akin to ‘we must press on’

He doesn’t outright say ‘suck it up’ but it does feel like that's what he means

BUT once you two become close (either as lovers or friends) he will try everything in his power to help

He’s not super knowledgeable on ailments of the mind, his brother was always a little more aware of the fragility of one’s psyche, but he does know the things that help him feel centered in reality

So, with your permission, he’ll take your hands in his

And squeeze them as hard as he can so your mind is forced to react to your body again

He makes sure he doesn’t hurt you but it is an uncomfortable sensation

“I will not lie to you, I understand very little the extent of your mind’s despair. I know I am afraid and I fear for the future and I know it is different than your fear.”

“Because your fear lies within absence - that there is no point in pushing forward because you cannot see a future not filled with suffering.”

And he’d rest his forehead against yours so you can feel another living being.

“But please, if you cannot see that there is a future where the light shines through unimpeded by darkness, trust that I can.”

“Trust that I see a world where there is peace. Trust that I see you there.”

.........

Aragorn

Listen, this he has his own struggles with depression

He understands the best

Why do you think he lived as a ranger for as long as he did?

Because it satisfied the urge to just vanish and have it be like he’d never existed

But he was fortunate enough to have a support system in Elrond and the lord’s children

They helped him learn that yes, there is great suffering and yes, it is pointless

But life isn’t

And since they’re immortal beings who have seen ages come and go and watched the cycles play out before them - they would know best of all

And it is this exact wisdom he passes on to you one night by the campfire after everyone else has gone to sleep

He hadn’t been able to sleep so he’d gotten up to keep you company during your watch

Only to find you lost in the void of your mind, eyes vacant and staring with a question on your lips

“There is no point.” he’d say as he came to stand beside you. “Suffering simply is.”

“Then why even try?” You hissed in distress

“Because life has a voice of its own that is being drowned out by the suffering. We are trying to raise life’s voice once more.”

“And the darkness of this world doesn’t want us to be quieted. So, it makes us hurt. And grieve. And give up.”

“But if you give up, if you surrender yourself, you do not escape it. You become it. Unfeeling and uncaring.”

“I am already unfeeling-“ you’d scoff

“But would you wish your fate - this emptiness you feel, on another? Would you wish it on Frodo?”

And his words would spark to life the little voice in the back of your mind that so rarely got to speak. And it would cry out ‘no’

“This shroud is no easy thing to be rid of.” He’d take your hands in his. “But you do not have to face it alone.”

Legolas

Legolas is another one who does not entirely understand what you're going through

But that does not stop him

He's a very perceptive elf so the second your demeanor shifts he knows somethings wrong

The moment you show the first sign of a depressive episode, whether that be a sudden loss of appetite, a spike in irritability, or a sudden despondency, he starts asking questions

And through your evasive answers, he keeps pressing the issue because he's a very emotional elf and he wants to make sure you're alright

And one night after making camp he's up in a panic because he can't find you.

Gimli mentions seeing you heading towards the bank of the nearby river and he immediately sets out, thoroughly prepared to scold you for wandering off.

But his admonishment dies on his tongue when he hears you crying

Instant panic - are you hurt? are you upset? overwhelmed? scared?

He races right over to you and grabs you by the shoulders

And since he's quiet enough to sneak up on an owl, he scares the shit out of you

And you nearly deck him on instinct

Except, Legolas is quick to catch your hand in one and cup your face in the other

"Tell me what troubles you, please, for it breaks my heart to see you so distraught."

There's a beat

And you finally break and tell him everything - your fears for the journey, your fears that this will all be for nothing, your fears that once Sauron is gone another great evil will take his place.

Every symptom and every stray dark thought

And he listens intently, cradling your face between his hands as if you will break if puts a modicum of force in his hold.

To his credit, you just might.

"I know that there are not enough words to silence the fear that torments you and robs you of your light. But please, if it would help you, allow me to hold you."

After a consenting nod, he pulls you into an incredibly tight hug and angles your ear over his heart so you can hear its steady beat.

And he just holds you until you're ready to face the others again

Going forward he pays closer attention to you and he makes sure you eat and drink water regularly among other things

He keeps you grounded

.........

Elrond

Elrond is the one who knows what to do to help you

Herald or lord, his approach is largely the same

He pulls you aside one day and takes your hands in his, tethering you to him while he speaks

"Your mind has been troubled. Please, tell me what ails you."

You can try and brush him off - the key word being 'try' of course

He is as persistent as Legolas but more capable than anyone else on this list

But he is subtler than the other elf

If you don't answer him, he starts to just take care of you

If you miss a meal, Elrond brings it to you

And he brings his own little snack so you don't feel weird being the only one eating

If he notices you haven't bathed, he will create the most relaxing bath you've ever had and offer gentle reminders to take care of yourself

Insomnia? He has literally every remedy in the world

And when your mind is a tyrant, he fends it off with reminders that not all hope is lost

And an acknowledgment that while the pain you're in is real, it does not have to be permanent and he will help you move past it

Because he cares about you and he values your life

Even when you don't

He's a healer, after all, let him heal you

He also makes sure to redirect your focus to the little things in life, the fragile things that you can protect

Elrond will make you a depression garden and he will help you maintain it for as long as you need him to

And even after that to always remind you that he loves you and that there are others who love you just as much

Thorin

oh boy

I'm sorry, he has no clue what to do

Very similar to Boromir, actually

At first, he's inclined to tell you to suck it up - or even do the shitty thing of trying to one up you with his problems

But, that will pass, eventually

The shift will coincide with his change in attitude towards you as a part of the company

If you're a dwarf, it won't take as long for him to be willing to hear you out

Hobbit, is a close second, then human, and lastly - elf

Regardless, eventually he will come around and realize that he's being an ass

He's still clueless but now he's at least making an effort to help you

Since he doesn't quite know what to do, he starts by just offering his ear

He tries to be very reassuring about the quest for the arkenstone

It'll get to the point where he opts for physical comfort

A hand to the knee, your back, your arm

When you're closer, he'll press his head against yours to ground you in moments of high stress

Unfortunately he never gets better with his words, everything he says always comes across as gruff and dismissive (despite not actually intending to sound like that)

But he has a comforting presence that he offers freely to you

And he will happily stand up to anyone in the company giving you shit for your symptoms

He has plans to encourage the greatest dwarven healers to start looking into mental health once he reclaims Erebor

.........

Fili

Unlike his uncle, Fili does have a surface level understanding of what you're going through

Honestly, because I headcanon Dis has some form of depression (genetics)

So, he's more aware of what that entails and understands that it's not a moral failing or a personality defect

He treats it like a curable disease - literally like it's a fever that will eventually break

When he notices you're acting off compared to what he'd expect, he'll pull you aside and out of ear shot of the others

"I noticed you've been a little down, lately - need an ear?"

Similar to some others, if you brush him off, he won't let it go - but he's a bit more subtle about it.

"Well, alright then, just know I'm keeping an eye out for you. It's always good to have somebody who's got your back, after all. Oh, like this one time Kili and I-"

He's almost casual about everything??? Like, he doesn't just ignore the fact you're suffering but he's very careful with showing his concern

Because he knows from personal experience that having people all up in your business (even when they mean well) is not fun

He also does a damn good job of keeping the others from overwhelming you

"What's wrong with them?" Dwalin huffs one night.

"Nothing, Master Dwalin," Fili is swift to reply as he ladles a portion of soup into a bowl for you, "they said they've just been feeling the weight of the journey a bit more these past few days. Rest assured, they're fine." The blond dwarf trounces away before any of the others can comment.

That's another thing he does - he brings you food during every meal and he eats with you

He noticed that you wouldn't eat if no one was paying attention to you and you wouldn't if people talked to you during your meal. So, he convinced Thorin to put you and him on watch during meals so you two had a built in excuse to eat in silence together without the rest of the company questioning you.

With time, he helps rebuild your hope through simple companionship and the normalization of your illness.

He knows you've got fragile pieces but you're not made of glass and he's not your savior.

He's your support

Kili

Clueless but somehow still helpful

He like...doesn't notice something's wrong???

Like genuinely, he thinks you're just like that and his whole thought process is 'yeah, they're a bit different, but I think they're cool'

I mean, how long did he call Bilbo 'Mr. Boggins' without realizing he was saying it differently?

Fili's probably the one that tells him that your odd habits are symptoms of depression

And he's just like 'oh' and then proceeds to ask what the hell that means

He hunts you down and is like 'why didn't you tell me you were sick????'

And then comes the not so fun part of explaining to him what you're actually going through

He does accidentally do the thing where he treats you like you can't take care of yourself but that doesn't last long

But he does ping pong back and forth between being genuinely helpful and being so clueless

It takes you sitting him down again and explaining to him that while you recognize that he wants to be helpful, he's stressing you the hell out

He will finally settle into his role as this supportive, comforting distraction

He's the type to crack jokes with you when you're feeling particularly down

The first time it happened, you'd gotten a little angry at him but he persisted and startled you which inadvertently helped shake you out of your slump long enough to realize you were in one and that there were steps you could take to make you feel better

And now, whenever you feel particularly hopeless - you go to Kili so he can distract you from the torment of your own mind

[kissorkill16]

Fill My Empty Heart: A Hello Neighbor Fanfic

By JJ

Summary: After Mya's death, Aaron committed suicide. Mr. Peterson, desperate to have a family again, kidnaps the depressed and heartbroken child across the street, Nicky Roth.

Chapter 14

Enzo woke up on a comfortable mattress, under a warm blanket and his head laying on a fluffy pillow. But he didn't remember going to sleep. Did Mr. Peterson drop him off?

But as he slowly started to wake up a little more, he realized that this wasn't his room. This was Aaron's room. Next to him was Ivan, also asleep on a mattress and covered by a blanket and head on a pillow.

This didn't make sense. Why was he and Ivan in Aaron's room?

Enzo put his hands on Ivan's shoulder and gently shook him awake. "Ivan.", he whispered. "Ivan, wake up."

Ivan slowly woke up, he rubbed his eyes and looked around. He also noticed that the room didn't look like his.

He felt around the room for his glasses, and when he found them and put them on, he nearly screamed. "This isn't my room!"

Then he turned to look at Enzo, "What happened? Why're we in Aaron's room? Who brought us here?"

Enzo stood up, his head still a little heavy from whatever he drank in that tea...

Wait...

The tea...

"Mr. Peterson drugged us and brought us here.", said Enzo. "That bastard put something in our tea! He tricked us!"

This time, Ivan did scream. Thankfully, not loud enough to make too much noise.

"I don't wanna die in here!", he said, covering his eyes. "We have to get out of here now!"

"No! We still have to find -"

"Guys...?"

Enzo and Ivan looked behind them at someone who was laying down on a bed, hugging a stuffed animal and wrapped up in a blanket, just like they were when they first woke up.

It was Nicky.

Enzo ran to his friend and gave him a big hug, "Oh my God! Thank goodness you're okay, Nicky. We were so worried!", he said. As he moved to sit down next to him, he let out a little whimper. Enzo pulled the blanket off of his friend's body, and his eyes widened at the sight of the cast around Nicky's leg.

Ivan gasped, "Did Mr. Peterson do that to you?", he asked. Nicky shook his head, "No. It was an accident. He actually wrapped it up."

"Nicky...", Enzo said, "What has Mr. Peterson been doing to you?"

Before Nicky could answer, the door opened, and everyone stilled in fear.

Mr. Peterson stepped through the door.

He smiled warmly at the boys, "Oh, you're awake.", then he saw Nicky, "And it seems you've also woken up your brother."

Brother? What the hell was he talking about?

"Mr. Peterson, why did you bring us here?", asked Enzo, the man bent down to meet Enzo's level. "Don't call me Mr. Peterson anymore, dear. From now on, all of you children call me Dad."

Enzo's mouth dropped open in shock, he couldn't believe what he was hearing.

He finally put all of the pieces together.

Mr. Peterson couldn't handle the depression after his family's death, so he faked Nicky's suicide note, kidnapped him, forced him to live under the false reality of being his son, and now he kidnapped Nicky's friends and is forcing them to do the same!

Enzo backed away from Mr. Peterson, shaking his head and his arms. "No. No no no no no! There is no way I'm calling that! You're not my dad, you're just an insane piece of -"

Before Enzo could finish, Mr. Peterson angrily grabbed Enzo by the arm and pulled him forward.

"Don't finish that sentence and don't use that tone with me, young man. I don't want to have to keep all of you in here for the rest of the week."

Hearing that, Enzo just squeaked and looked at his feet. Mr. Peterson let go of Enzo and gently patted his shoulder, "We'll discuss the rules in the morning. Right now, all of you must be asleep."

Enzo nodded, going back to his mattress and pulling the blanket over himself. Ivan stayed still for another moment before quickly doing the same.

Mr. Peterson rubbed the top of both of their heads before he left, and just as he was closing the door, a noise came from across the hall.

"Oh, it seems as though your sisters are awake too.", he said, then he shut the door and locked it.

Enzo slumped down into the bed, sighing loudly. "Great! We're never getting out of here.", he groaned. Ivan buried his face into his pillow, starting to cry. Enzo got up from his bed and hugged the scared little boy as he cried into his shoulder.

As he comforted his friend, he heard arguing coming from where he guessed was probably Mya's room. It had to be, since her room was close to Aaron's room.

"I'm not calling you Dad!", screamed Trinity, "You're a damn psychopath!"

"Trinity, I don't like that kind of language.", said Mr. Peterson, but before he could say anything else, Maritza screamed at him too. "You're not our dad!", she said.

A moment of silence, then a loud crash came from across the hall. Enzo guessed that Mr. Peterson probably broke something out of anger.

"I will not tolerate this kind of behavior in my own house, young ladies.", he growled. "I'll tell you what I told the boys. If either of you talk to me like that again, I will lock you in here for the rest of the week."

Another moment of silence. He guessed that the girls were probably looking down at their feet right now and slowly nodding like him and Ivan did. He so badly wished he could see Maritza, he wanted to comfort his sister.

His heart nearly split in two when he heard a silent sob come from Maritza.

"Shhhh...", Mr. Peterson said to her, and Enzo guessed he was probably hugging her and probably rubbing her head. "Daddy's sorry, I didn't mean to scare you. I didn't mean to scare any of you.", he said. "Just please don't be disrespectful to me, and I won't have to punish anyone. Alright?"

"Mhmm.", the girls said.

Enzo heard footsteps coming from across the hall, and he guessed that Mr. Peterson was probably walking out of the room and down the stairs.

The rest of the night, he just cuddled Ivan and comforted him to sleep, and listened as Trinity comforted Maritza as she quietly sobbed.