#this hellsite continues to make no sense

[mieczyhale]

'hamasnik / pro-pal / antizionist side of tumblr stop using words incorrectly and start forming actual thoughts' challenge failed for the... well i'd tell you how many days it's been but i lost track when we passed a year

[the-curators-bullshit]

hmmm thats a good point and im so tempted and im feeling messy

so, what happened between you and the other hellsite person?

stuff, but billie eilish has that one song about not talking shit on the internet. and I wanna be cool like that

[hellsite-detective]

the fan spun slowly and lazily above my head. the sound of rain pounding on the window just beyond the blinds, while normally soothing, now only added to the sense of isolation. on my desk, strewn across it and the rest of the room, were cases. unopened, forgotten. a glass of liquor sat half filled on the only clear space on that desk, the rest having gone down my gullet and straight to my head. projects unfinished, my novel barely touched, life preventing me from continuing…

i considered, for a moment, locking the doors of the office for good. shutting it down and leaving this all to the rats. setting fire to the remains and walking off into the fog one last time. but then i thought about the cases. those people who needed my help, lost without their posts. it made me feel wrong for abandoning them in their time of need, like i was no better than the crooks who hid their posts away in the dark recesses of the city.

so the thought of what to do lingered in my mind, what to do, how to move forward. those cases sat on my desk untouched, my coat and hat unworn, and my whiskey cabinet nearly empty. the faces, the names of all those people i helped and all those i had yet to help. the service i provide is a necessary one, fight back against the evil of this city’s algorithm.

then i thought of my schedule crossed my mind. the old schedule of three cases per day was efficient, but unsustainable. but perhaps if i solved one post per day, this would be significantly easier to ensure the schedule can be maintained. a singular burst of motivation on one day per week would cover me indefinitely…

i stood from my desk, grabbed my keys, coat, and hat, and approached the door. was i really about to do this? was i about to make this call and reopen my office and offer my services to the world? my heart pounded as i slid my key into the lock. there was a hell of a lot of work to do, but dammit if it wasn’t worth it. to have purpose again, that’s what really mattered here. i turned the key, opened the door, and stepped outside onto the street.

the rain fell slower now, as if the heavens themselves could feel my spirits lift. the air was cool and brisk. fall was coming on fast. the paperboy came along to drop off the news when i called out to him…

“ay, boy! spread the word!” i said to him. “the Hellsite Detective is back on duty…”

[psychedelic-ink]

ㅤㅤㅤ✦ 𝐀𝐌𝐎𝐔𝐑 𝐀𝐌𝐎𝐔𝐑 𝐀𝐌𝐎𝐔𝐑

ㅤㅤjavi gutierrez x f!reader x dieter bravo

genre: smut, minors dni, romance

word count: 0.7k

summary: javi and dieter spoil you with everything they have.

warnings: established relationship, threesome, poly relationship, nipple play, vaginal fingering, oral (reader receiving)

a/n: HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY LOVE @pedrorascal!!!! I know you're probably sleeping right now (damn you timezones)but hopefully this will be a lovely morning surprise! I'm so happy that I've met you through this hellsite---everything you create is art and you bring so much joy to this fandom. You're one of a kind and I just adore and love you so so much 💗💗💗💗

It’s still hard to believe it sometimes— The two men that spontaneously came into your life, the way they made you feel that you belonged in a chaotic, dark world. First came Javi, then came Dieter. Two loveable idiots, and you, the biggest idiot in love. 

Looking down, your heart swells, and your pussy throbs. It’s a sight to behold. Both of their mouths latched on to each hardened nipple, sucking with earnest while you sit on the bed, your back pressed again the bedpost. Their eyes are closed, lashes fanning their cheeks. You slightly shift, your arousal getting the better of you as you search for any kind of friction. 

“Don’t be impatient,” Dieter murmurs with his mouth full. “Let us make you feel good. It’s been a while.” 

A shiver runs through your body at his words, memories of the last time the three of you were together flooding your mind. It had been pure bliss, the way their bodies moved against yours, the way their lips and hands explored every inch of you. And now, as they continue to suck and nibble on your nipples, it feels like coming home. 

Javi moves his mouth to your neck, leaving open-mouthed kisses and love bites along your skin. Dieter's hands move down to your thighs, spreading them wider as he dips his fingers between your legs. Your breath hitches as they both apply their attention to different parts of your body, driving you closer and closer to the edge. 

Their touch is familiar yet electric, and you can't help but moan when Dieter's fingers slip inside of you, finding your sweet spot and rubbing it with just the right amount of pressure. Javi moves his mouth down to your stomach, kissing and licking his way toward your core as Dieter starts to thrust two thick fingers in and out.

Your body is on fire as they continue to devour you, your senses heightened and your mind consumed with pure pleasure. You arch your back, pushing your breasts closer to Dieter’s eager mouth, encouraging them to take more of you in. Dieter's fingers continue to move inside of you, hitting all the right spots as he curls them and adds in a second and then a third. The sensation is overwhelming, and you can feel your muscles clenching and your release approaching. 

Javi's hot breath fans against your core as he blows on your heated skin before finally attaching his lips to your clit. You throw your head back, letting out a long moan as his expert tongue works its magic, swirling and flicking at just the right pace. Your body is trembling now, the sensations too much to handle as you feel yourself getting closer and closer to the edge. 

Your eyes drop to where Javi crowns between your legs, his mouth briefly pulling back as Dieter stuffs his fingers between the other man’s lips. He sucks on them, loudly moaning while Dieter shallowly thrusts them in and out. 

“Good boy,” he raps, pulling them out and sliding them into you once more. “Now make out pretty girl come with those full lips of yours.” 

You can hear Javi and Dieter's moans mixing with yours, their own arousal evident. You feel them move closer to you, their bodies pressing against yours as they continue to suck, lick, and stroke you into oblivion. Your body is on the verge of ecstasy, and you know that you're only a few seconds away from losing yourself completely. 

And then it happens, the pleasure overtakes you, and you're screaming their names as you come undone in their arms. Javi and Dieter both hold you close, their touches still gentle as you ride out your orgasm. Their kisses now sweet and tender instead of passionate and relentless. 

“That’s it,” Dieter whispers. “That’s our girl.” 

Javi blinks up at you, his eyes dazed and lips slick, “That was amazing, mi amor. Want you to make a mess again, want to taste it on my tongue until the day I die.” 

“What about you guys?” 

Dieter chuckles, breath fanning your neck, “Don’t worry, I already have plans of fucking that dork over there until he faints as you watch.” 

“Good,” you say with a wide grin. “I can’t wait to see it.” 

As your breathing returns to normal, you find yourself sandwiched between them, their arms wrapped around you in a protective embrace. You feel so loved, so cherished in this moment, and you know that with them by your side, anything is possible. Your heart is full, and you know that you belong with these two loveable idiots, who have captured your heart and your body with their undeniable charm and affection.

[rubyroboticalt]

Minecrafters grab your pickaxes, and catch up on the QBLR QUARTERLY!

what's up guys, you just found the internet's first hellsite smp! what's qblr you ask? well, you see, the explanation is perfectly simple and scientific: my brother you are on qblr. this is the qsmp fan tumblr. some of us made a server. and now, let me learn you a thing about all the events and mishaps that happened on the server this week!

the server opened with players and creatures running around the world trying to survive the first nights on a modded world, to varying degrees of success

as days pass, residents begin to encounter monsters tough enough to warrant better lodging and armor. with these reinforced shelters and better gear, the residents begin to form friendships!

the friends share food, homes, and gear. sounds like communism. are they communist or something? actually, that makes perfect sense what with the minecraft and all.

residents sort themselves into groups mostly by timezone and playstyle. being a server inspired by the qsmp, timezones mean that groups speaking different languages stick together and build together.

the french build a stone circle, form a traveling band, and create an inn providing basic necessities like food and beds.

others make their own homes, and an axolotl pond pops up!

the hispanic folk also have a lovely start, with cozy furnishings and no other reports from this side of the server.

and now, a reading from r/EnglishLivingSpaces. white jacaranda walls. plain spruce floor. circular room, with a 1-wide 2-tall window for each 5-wide edge wall of the circle, two windows total. green bed under the window, facing a log pillar in the center of the room. two stacks of loose papers on the right side of the room. a sign reading "r/malelivingspaces" placed next to the bed. this has been a reading of r/EnglishLivingSpaces.

the server celebrated 4/13 by having a fruity rumpus cult party. festivities included drugs and alcohol introduced by some of the mods installed on the server.

and now, the gubby.

bad boy hooters opened to celebrate all the big booby badboys out there in the wild. i always do appreciate a good use of the expression hooters. and as a safe house from the nightmare stalkers that seem to be thriving on the fear and pain they cause, it gets many a visit.

residents continue to build and decorate, with fun and games in between.

folks play for reasonable amounts of time, with two days played in 5 days of server uptime by one ambitious player.

finally, everyone is building interiors to their houses now, with the dining room being a popular place to take photos.

some late bloomers also complete the exteriors of their -- that's not a house, thats a taqueria.

and the first week on the server closes with absolutely nothing ominous happening.

[pirate-hats-are-gay]

Nobody asked and nobody cares but here’s me associating Madoka Magica characters with Sonic characters

As the title says, I realized I don’t have to bother my friends with my musings when I could just ramble on tumblr :D !! I mean someone on this hellsite is bound to have the same interests as me. Anyways without further ado,

Madoka Kaname - Amy Rose

“Oh you just picked them cause they’re both pink!!” Maybe but also listen; think about Amy’s speech to Shadow in SA2

She says something along the lines of “people are basically good and as long as they keep believing in their wishes, they’ll always be happy!” (paraphrasing I can’t be bothered to find the script rn) Now compare that to Madoka’s wish to stop all despair and to “not lose hope and remember someone out there is always fighting for you!” (again paraphrasing). My point is that they both believe in the goodness of people/people deserve a chance and that they have love to spare.

The one digression I have with this comparison is that Amy said “if I had to choose between the world and Sonic I’d choose Sonic” which doesn’t feel like something Madoka would align herself with (but I do think she’d respect Amy’s choice) rather she’d choose EVERYONE none of this “person or the world” bs, instead this feels very in character for Homura but overall I think there are more similarities between Madoka and Amy + I think they would be friends <3

Homura Akemi - Agent Stone

Y’all are just going to have to hear me out with this one

Honestly it was easier to figure out who she wasn’t so I’ll start with that

Shadow - I know people would want me to put her with Shadow because of similar aesthetics and angst etc. BUT ☝️ there is one major digression between them that I fear cannot be overlooked for the sake of aesthetics and that’s that Shadow actually respects Maria’s wishes.

Consider these two scenes and how these images appear similar but ended VERY differently.

Shadow, quite literally, let’s go of Maria after he says “I will continue to fight with your wish in my heart, your wish for everyone to have a chance to be happy” He’s healing from his grief and moving forward with light and peace and hope

Homura on the other hand, does almost the exact opposite. She can tell that Madoka isn’t happy and goes against her wishes, quite literally rips apart space time, so her gf doesn’t have to deal with the burden of being God, even if that is what she wishes for.

So while yes, both Homura and Shadow are driven by their love and grief for another character Homura cares more about being with Madoka than moving on and living with her wish

Silver - this was the other character I considered for her but tbh Silver actually cares about the timeline, he’s not ripping apart the universe for one person 💀

So this brings us to my actual choice; whose character is defined by their association and loyalty to another? Whose character cares deeply about protecting and serving the other, and basically no one else? Whose character only exist as a response to another? My goat, AGENT STONE 🗣️🗣️🗣️

My main point is that yes, Stone would tear apart the universe to be with Robotnik if he knew he could (manifesting crashout Stone in Sonic 4🤞). Stone waited for months because he believed in Robotnik and when he failed he didn’t just leave him there, he scooped him up and nursed him back to health and built a hiding space for them, like WHAT . Homura went through countless loops trying to protect and save Madoka and Stone would do so too.

TL;DR Stone would do the same as Homura in the same circumstances and no other character would + I just think Stone would like her lmao, all in comment sections talking about “she did nothing wrong!!!”

Sayaka Miki - Shadow

Yeah this only makes sense to me,,

LISTEN!!! Listen,,, they’re both driven by love for another character.

The most important person to them was an ailing loved one and was the reason they were created: Shadow being made by Gerald to find a cure/be the cure for Maria’s illness and Sayaka, the magical girl, being “created” after she made the wish so Kyosuke can play violin again. I feel like this is where the very specific similarities end but there’s still some more to be compared.

For example they both fight because of their association with said loved one. I’ve already talked enough about how Shadow fights with Maria’s love and wish in his heart so about Sayaka

Sayaka was willing to, essentially risk it all just so Kyosuke could pursue his passion again and she could be there to witness it, she sees herself as the hero in this situation (evident by her white cape and how she kinda expected to be thanked/rewarded for her decision which imo was kinda valid but that’s another topic). Also small note about the hero thing is that Shadow after he realized Maria’s wish almost INSTANTLY switched sides, and despite some healthy rivalry has never been against siding with the heroes, and Sayaka was more than willing to become a magical girl even after seeing the risks, so yeah hero things

The last of my compassion ends with Sayaka’s ending and how she basically said “I guess I just wanted to hear him play for one last time” and how she was finally content (sort of) in her wish and how things played out. This is kinda similar to Shadow moving on from Maria in Shadow Generations and I guess my point is they’d both rather see their loved ones just, being, for one last time before deciding to let go and be the hero again !!

Kyoko Sakura - Knuckles

“They’re just both red and angry !!” Yeah that’s it ngl 💔💔

Jokes aside I do feel there are some general personality traits they share, having to do with their families

Kyoko makes a wish so people will believe her father and her own family can be better off while Knuckles has inherited the burden of protecting the Master Emerald. They both feel a sense of responsibility to their families and their role in them, which both end kind of tragically (going more off of Movie Knuckles here)

Aside from that they both prefer to do their own things and kinda be alone. I mean Knuckles does team up quite often but in his downtime he’d rather be pacing around the Master Emerald (going more off game Knuckles here) and obviously Kyoko is only doing things for herself by herself but in the end teams up and even grows close to her rivals (like the in the Rebellion movie)

Plus they’re both stubborn and a bit hot headed but ultimately will do the right thing (sorry this one is shorter I had to retype it cause Tumblr didn’t save it the first time </3)

Mami Tomoe - Maria Robotnik

(No pictures for them cause I hit the ten image limit on mobile and can’t access on a computer rn and honestly don’t feel like editing the whole post. You know what they look like)

And the crowd BOOOS cause this such a boring pick !!!!

Listen, there’s not a ton to go off for either of them so I’m working with what I have. Basically nicest sweetest blonde ally of main character (ish) dies as an inciting incident and that’s nearly it.

I do think frequently about Kyubey appearing very conveniently when Mami got into the car accident and it makes me wonder if Maria would’ve done the same. I mean we know she wanted to live on Earth and experience it as a whole so I don’t think it’s that much of a stretch to say she’d make a wish to live too? And Mami also mentioned about being lonely and I wonder if Maria felt similarly. Obviously she had Shadow and Gerald but she didn’t have any other super deep connections with others on the Ark.

So aside from dying and loneliness as shared traits, I think it also has to do with how they value human life, Maria wishing to save Earth and Mami fighting as a magical girl.

ANYWAYS thank you for reading if you made it this far lmao I didn’t expect to yap so much hope you enjoyed (??!)

[ethrixthesynth]

You know, I was thinking about how the hell to continue this silly little in-character blog for a while, perhaps mentioning the sense of safety I once felt as a transfem on this site, seeing others like me. But, clearly, my scawy transfem kind is not welcome here. Fuck this, fuck this hellsite, fuck you @photomatt,

You poked the hive, and we're gonna sting.

https://www.dropbox.com/scl/fo/pyh4ca4v4mc0ggrklgd0i/h?rlkey=2se1p4911irku3mw42sp8htrz&e=1&dl=0

I am but one of many. Share the file, save the file, dont let him off the hook, immortalize what has happened here.

May you unwittingly skedaddle towards a large pitfall, remain suspended in the air for three seconds before scratching your head and looking down, and then proceed to make Matt-shaped hole in the earth below.

Boo Womp.

[selfship-shenanigans]

Hey guys. Guess who's back!

My mental health has been an absolute mess for a little while now, but I'm happy to say I'm finally feeling a lot better. Going on hiatus was definitely the right move and I wish I'd done it sooner. Before anything else, I want to say thank you again to everyone who stuck around despite me being gone. Thank you for giving me a chance to try and sort myself out. I'm really grateful for that.

I'm choosing to come back now for a couple of reasons. First, I finally feel ready to. My anxiety has been relentless these past two months, about a lot of different things. My mental and physical health have definitely suffered. But it's better now than it has been in a long time. Second, I'm about to graduate from university, and I want to be able to celebrate that with you guys when the time comes, especially since I don't really have anyone to celebrate with irl other than my immediate family. Plus I'll have a lot more free time on my hands once I'm done with uni work, so hopefully I'll finally be able to get around to some of the art and fics I promised you guys. And third, I've heard a rumour that tumblr might be about to shut down. Like, for real this time. And that's a bit of a terrifying thought. As far as I know, nothing official has been said. It's just a very serious-sounding rumour. I really, really hope nothing will come of it. But I want to be able to enjoy this hellsite to the fullest for however much longer it'll be around, and I don't want my blog to leave a bad taste in anyone's mouth if this really is the end. If I'm going to make a comeback, it might be now or never.

Plus, I did something brave a few weeks ago. Something I'm really proud of. I told my irl crush that I liked her. And she wasn't interested, but we're still good friends. Even if it didn't go quite how I'd hoped, I took a risk and did something scary, and it worked out okay. So now, I'm going to be brave again. And no matter what happens, I'll be proud of myself for trying.

I don't expect forgiveness from those I upset before. I know I said some shitty things and I don't blame yall at all for leaving. I have absolutely no hard feelings, let me assure you. But I do want to sincerely apologise. I think (or I hope) it goes without saying that I wasn't thinking very clearly at the time. I'd just been through a hell of a lot, with my family being evicted and having to move house in an emergency or risk becoming homeless, and then once the move was done, having to just continue on with my normal life as if nothing happened. As if my entire life wasn't just turned on its head. I'd go so far as to say it was traumatising, having to pack up our entire lives into boxes and throw half of it away and move into a new house in the space of 3 weeks, all while acting like nothing was wrong and still trying to do my uni work. I was utterly exhausted, stressed as fuck, and my head was just a complete mess. That doesn't give me the right to be an asshole and I'm not saying it does. I just want it to be clear that I was in a really bad place before I went on hiatus, and to assure yall that while I have been through some rough patches since then, I'm doing a lot better now. And to say that I'm truly sorry for any hurt I caused.

Taking a break from this blog made me realise some things. Namely, that my relationship to it (and arguably to tumblr in general) had become quite unhealthy. Maybe I'll get into it more another time, but just know that I have a much better idea now of what went wrong. Of why my anxiety got as bad as it did, even before the house move. So I should be able to do a much better job of managing it and looking after my mental health more going forward. There are definitely some changes I can make for the better, especially after I graduate. Plus, just the fact that my life has settled down a bit and has returned to some sense of normalcy after all that disruption and change has really done me some good. I guess time was all I needed on that front.

That's all I'm going to say about this right now. I've spent an awful lot of time these past two months dwelling on it, and all the many, many other things that have been stressing me out. I spent weeks beating myself up for my mistakes. And all that achieved was that I made myself miserable, and it prolonged my anxiety for far longer than necessary. So for the sake of my sanity (and my grades), I'm going to do my best to just let it go and not think about it again.

On a more positive note, the new house is really starting to feel like home now. And I am genuinely so much happier here than I ever was in that crappy little flat we lived in before. As much as the experience of moving absolutely sucked, it really has been for the best, in so many ways that I can't possibly list them all here. But my favourite thing is the garden. The weather has been amazing lately, and being able to enjoy the sun from my own garden has made me indescribably happy. It's worked wonders on my anxiety, and on my mood in general. I brought my potted plants with me, and now they get to be out there in the sun too. Next year, I'll be able to grow a proper garden of flowers and veggies and herbs. My cat gets to run around in the grass and chase insects and sunbathe. It's perfect. I'm so grateful we were able to get this place, and for all of your support throughout that process. I can't tell yall how much your kindness has meant to me and how much I appreciate each and every one of you.

So, yeah. I'm gonna leave it there. I do think that while my anxiety has lessened significantly, it will be important that I ease myself back into this blog gently. Very gently. It's going to take me quite some time to get my confidence back. And for the time being, I really want to focus my creative energy elsewhere. So I'm going to take it slow. It might be a bit longer before I start rbing things again. But I think I'm gonna be okay <3

[goldenwing57]

Can I just say something? During the #12DaysofTDP, one of the prompts was Favorite Fandom Moment. I posted for that, but I think I just found another.

That moment is right now. Many of us are pretty miffed about how s7 went, myself included. I'm seeing a lot of that in my little corner of the fandom. However, I'm also seeing that we're stepping back and feeling our feelings while still finding things to love. We're seeing each other's takes on things, and maybe they change our perspectives, or maybe not, and we haven't given up. I kind of feel like we're all Rayla bringing the egg back to the center of the storm. I feel like we may also be seeing our grievances as room for improvement rather than something irreparable.

You know, I didn't get around to posting my Day 1 post for #12DaysofTDP, the prompt for which was "what it means to me," but I think that this is it. I've been a part of several fandoms. Avatar is what brought me here. I've been a Whovian and a Sonic fan. I remember when we fans of a certain figure skating anime, a little 12-episode series, actually managed to crash this hellsite! Now, it's TDP. The thing that these fandoms have in common is the sense of community. We have our own little circles, our escapes from reality to yap about our current obsession, and they all connect in some way or another to form one big one! It makes me so happy to be a part of a fandom that loves a series and its characters and world so much that we're rallying together to plead for a chance for it to continue!

Please, @netflix , please allow us to continue to have this story and community that we all love! Please allow the creators to see it through to completion!

[aceofwhump]

To one of the most loveable talented nerds on this hellsite,

Discovering this lovely community has brought me so much escapism and joy. It's sad to see that a lot of the blogs that were once active when I first joined grow a little quieter these days but it's comforting to know that you're still around, creating and sharing your wonderful content.

You give the best recs, you're always so supportive of other creators and I admire the way you continue to raise awareness about asexuality. You're like a sister in the community. You've always been there to support and uplift others, and your presence has created a sense of belonging and connection. You're someone we can come to for guidance and comfort. You've helped shape this community into a warm, friendly, safe, supportive place where everyone can feel accepted and loved.

Sometimes if I'm looking for something to watch, I'll take a moment to go through your gifs tag and every time I'm always blown away by all of the stunning creations you have produced throughout the years. Even though your gifs have always been truly beautiful and captivating, it's been amazing to see your gifmaking skills and creativity develop and blossom. You have a true talent!

Beyond the gorgeous gifs, it's the sense of community you create. Your ability to create an inclusive, supportive space where people can share their thoughts, opinions, and experiences is truly special. You're not just a talented creator; you're a caring, giving, genuine kind-hearted soul who always takes the time to answer asks thoughtfully and generously, even when life gets busy. Your dedication to your followers and your willingness to give up your time and energy is truly admirable. You always show such respect and consideration for everyone's views and opinions and the kindness you show is just as important as the incredible content you produce, and I can't thank you enough for being such a wonderful presence.

You are a true gem, the beating heart of the community, completely irreplaceable, a source of light and joy. You brighten my day every time I see you on my dash. Even on the shitiest days your blog is like a ray of sunshine breaking through the storm clouds. I know I can always count on you to get my daily fix of whump whenever and wherever.

We love you Ace! Keep doing what you're doing, because you're absolutely amazing at it! 😘

Nonny I have kept this message in my inbox for months now because it's truly one of the most kind, thoughtful, beautiful, encouraging message I have ever received and any time i was having a bad day I opened it and read it and instantly felt better. Heck I am printing it out and putting it on my bulletin board. I have cried many times. Happy tears I assure you.

I'm so glad you've found your way to this lovely community and I'm so happy to still be here doing my thing and that people are enjoying it. Never in a million years did I think my silly little whump blog would mean much to anyone. I'm proud to be here. I'm happy to be here. I love making gifs and helping people find new whump to love. I love helping people find new fics to read and I love recommending fics to people so those fics get the love they deserve. I love talking to people about asexuality and helping anyone with anything they want to talk about. I love it here and I love you all with all of my heart ❤️❤️❤️

Thank you for this message anon. Thank you so much. You're a sweetheart and may you have an amazing day/week/month/year/life.❤️

[tightjeansjavi]

Reflections for 2024

So, this year…it’s been a lot, yeah?

I feel like I have been on this constant ebb and flow of emotions all year. I have spent more times crying and struggling with my sense of self and purpose, than the time I have spent living.

This isn’t to say that there haven’t been good moments, because there have been, I just feel incredibly lost in life.

I have this melancholy feeling when it comes to my space here, within not just one community, but multiple. This is no one’s fault, as we’re all constantly changing—for the better, or for the worst. That is just what happens in life. I have gone from primarily writing Joel x reader and mostly smut, to stepping away from reader all together and writing original character inserts instead.

I don’t regret making this change because there were moments where I was forgetting who I was writing for: myself. I believe I am not alone in this feeling because we, as humans, seek validation whether we are open to admitting it or not. (There is nothing wrong with wanting to feel validated and appreciated)

But I personally struggled with accepting the fact that I did seek that validation through my writing. Numbers don’t matter—but who are we really fooling? When a fic of mine did well, man, I felt like I was invincible. And I think that feeling consumed me, truly. (Inflated ego. I won’t deny it)

and then there was the guilt—the guilt of not posting as much, not interacting on the same level as I once was. I felt guilty if I let something sit in my inbox for too long or if I didn’t answer a comment right away (if at all) and guilt harbors feelings of negativity. This is when I found myself beginning to stray from writing and being in this community all together. (There’s more, but I’m not going to rehash every detail) and I contemplated deactivating all together, but I could never push that button, which, maybe makes me a coward because in the grand scheme of things, this is just an app. It’s a silly little hellsite, but it’s more than that. It means something to me. And the thought of losing that part of myself made me feel sick.

I did realize that I needed to make a change, and so I took some time away from this space, came back, left again and I didn’t feel an ounce of guilt. I stopped checking to see if mutuals were in fact still my mutuals. I stopped worrying if people liked me, I stopped thinking about the things I have no control of, and once I made that change, I started to feel a lot better.

And now, well, I feel indifferent, but also at peace? I don’t know how to conceptualize my feelings into one sentence, but what I can say is that I feel a lot better than I did around this time last year.

I cannot promise that I will ever revisit x reader, but I don’t see myself giving up on writing. I’m still working on my Marcus Acacius fic which I actually intend to hopefully turn into a book (fingers crossed) it’s truly challenged me as a writer, and has forced me to stick with something for a period of time and not just recklessly abandon like my graveyard of WIPS 🪦

Anyway, I have so much love for you all, truly. Thank you for reading my stories, and listening to me yap, and have my moments, and continue to love me, because maybe you see apart of yourselves in me, and my characters. Or you just relate to my human experience. Whatever the reason may be, I’m forever grateful.

I wish you all warm holiday season, and a happy new year.

-Gi

[ariadne-mouse]

I really appreciate what tumblr is trying to do with Communities but truly the way they roll out most new features is SO clunky and hostile (in a user acceptance sense). Like the Communities option has been in the sidebar menu for ages but still only has "create new" as an option so you can't browse from there, but you also can't move or hide it if you're not in any communities. It's in the very space-limited menu on mobile too, but same issue - it's not a hub, it's a place where communities that you make or join will be listed, and therefore useless and frustrating if you don't have any. Search function for communities is improving but there is still no place to actually browse, it's just hit or miss searching for things you might be interested in. And now there is the "Suggested Communities" block in the drop down of the search bar on desktop, which also cannot be changed (either to hide or an "I'm not interested" feature) pushing the followed tags which I actually use further down the menu. Look tumblr I know I have "mouse" in my user handle but I do not actually want to join a community just because it has "mouse" in the header name, and there is no way for me to get this out of my suggested communities, and so I just slowly, incrementally resent the feature as it continues to minutely clog up useful functions without providing benefit or a meaningful entry point. I love this hellsite (affectionate) but sometimes it can be very hellsite (derogatory).

[chaotic-archaeologist]

Hi! I'm currently doing my MA in archaeology (European Prehistory specialization) and I love it. I always thought I'd get my Masters and dip, but lately I've been seriously contemplating getting a PhD. I love learning and studying my topic and I'm having so much fun at my uni and suddenly starting my working career at 22 doesn't sound very appealing anymore. However, the idea of applying to a PhD program is very overwhelming (luckily where I want to apply has a pretty cohesive sign up step by step), still the idea of funding (especially) and having to write a proposal and possibly getting rejected from the place I've spend the last three and half years walking around is very overwhelming. How can I have that be not so overwhelming to the point of giving up bc if sounds like too much? Do I need to worry about funding that much? Is it expensive?

(I tried to find your advice masterpost before sending this ask to check if you'd already talked abt it, but I couldn't find a working link, sorry)

Thanks in advance :D

Hi dirtling,

First, here's a link to my advice master list—sorry that wasn't working for you. Our blue hellsite is fickle like that.

From what you say, it sounds like you have a great attitude for starting the journey to a PhD. Ultimately, the love of learning and a dedication to the field are the most important parts. The application and the proposal and the funding are daunting for everyone, but they are doable. I find that breaking things down into bite sized pieces and establishing your sense of self worth outside of academia are critical.

Now I feel the need to point out that my experience and advice come from a uniquely American viewpoint, and may not be applicable to European schools at all. Europeans please feel free to chime in with your own advice!

The very first thing you should do is talk to your advisor. Please send them an email right now if you have not already done so! Your (potential) advisor is going to be your champion in any sort of application process going forward. If you want to continue at the same university you're already at, your advisor is the single best person to help walk you through that process. Even if you wind up going somewhere else, you're going to need to make inroads with another advisor at a new program.

Finally: grad school is expensive (at least in the United Stated). However, many programs will have tuition waivers and assistantships that they offer their grad students because if everybody had to pay for it, nobody except the very rich would be able to afford to go to grad school. Exactly how affordable it is depends on the cost of living in your area and how much the school pays you (and whether you're able to work outside to supplement that income if need be).

Honestly, I think you've already done the hard part by getting into (and nearly completing) a Master's program. That's a great step towards proving to PhD programs that you have what it takes, and it should give you a decent idea about finances. What are yours like right now? How about your peers? I would imagine there isn't going to be a vast amount of difference from a MA to a PhD, and in the US a PhD is sometimes cheaper because they're funded while MAs often are not.

There will be differences from a MA to a PhD. Doctoral students are going to be expected to take on larger magnitudes of their own research and function more independently, but a good advisor and program should help you through that process. Again, the key is to take things piece by piece. Start with talking to your advisor and maybe the graduate program director. Take a look at that step by step guide with them and break it into separate tasks you need to do.

Don't psych yourself out about this too much. One thing at a time.

-Reid

[hellsite-detective]

I knew this was going to be my hardest job yet. Slowly I approach the figure behind the desk.

“I hear you’re the Hellsite Detective,” I told them. “I’ve got a message for you. I got pointed your way by a couple people you helped. They want you to know not to work too hard and burn yourself out. A job’s a job, and a calling is a calling, but none of the cases can get solved if you’ve worked yourself into an early grave. Take care of your clients, but take care of yourself too, or someone’s gonna take care of you permanently.”

Message delivered, I turned and walked out.

(You’re really cool and very helpful. Please don’t work yourself to burnout; take a break if you need to. We’ll be here when you get back.)

aawww thank you so much!

i absolutely know i can TECHNICALLY take a break, and that maybe i should (ive considered it), but i would feel really bad about leaving now. i provide a valuable service to this site (or so i’ve been told oops) and i would feel bad if i wasn’t here to continue to provide it!

it brings me a sense of purpose to know that i’m good at this one thing, and if i give that up, i may lose that purpose? i feel a lot better than i did earlier (thank you manga!) but still it can get to me. i know i keep up the whole hard-boiled detective “this life chose me…” persona, but irl i’m definitely much more sensitive than that haha

i’m still working on myself, but i’ll definitely remember to take care of myself first! my needs are important and i’m deserving of happiness. so i’ll make sure to put my own health first, thank you!

this detective isn’t gettin’ iced yet…

[enoughslices]

Hey so I read your post about Mulder respecting Scully saying they can never be together and you totally cracked my brain open?? When people say that, they might just mean it in the moment but not forever... and they don't clarify this if they change their mind?? I'm rethinking so many things right now lol

Obviously I know each person is different but it was never phrased this way to me and now I'm just sitting here with galaxy brain

This is something I have come up against the hard way in my real life, where all through my childhood and adolescence people continually told me I was, "taking things too literally," and I was like, "... ... ... How else am I supposed to take them?? Should I not take you at your word?" I had a number of situations (like in relationships or friendships) where someone would declare something and I would just accept it and never revisit it, and then later find they were frustrated with me for assuming a statement they'd made two years ago was still true since they had not modified it. I used to do performance-related work and my one colleague who really got me (we love a work wife) would have to explain to directors that if I was told to do something a certain way I would just keep doing it that way and not try anything new until they revised their instruction. I was baffled to learn that the expectation in rehearsals was that I keep trying new things even when I had been explicitly told to do it one way. Or, worse, intuit when they wanted me to keep trying new things in the face of the instruction and when they didn't. It stressed me out so much. I always felt a little betrayed when someone said one thing very emphatically and firmly ("We can't ever get back together," or "I'm never going to do that again.") and then did indeed do or want to do the thing again days or weeks or months or years later (especially without clarifying or explaining). I've had to work really hard on finding respectful ways to not make assumptions even when I feel like something has been communicated clearly to me and get in the habit of raising things periodically from a place of open curiosity to see if people are still in the same place, because not everyone is as precise or literal when they're speaking about things, especially if they're coming from a place of emotion in the moment. I don't know for sure that I'm autistic, but I do know that I'm neurodivergent. I have cPTSD and was also late-diagnosed with ADHD at 36 and have MCAS, which also can impact how your brain works, so diagnosis is a little complicated. I suspect that I'm AuDHD (autistic and ADHD) and I have an evaluation scheduled for this year. Seeing and hearing about people's neurodivergent experiences on TikTok and other corners of the internet has helped me recontextualize a lot of parts of my experience and has illuminated corners I had not even realized were dark. It's made so many things fall into place that have made me go, "Oh. Wait. Fuck! Really??" But also there's a certain relief in having things make sense that never did before, even though it's been absolutely wild to identify my (many, many 😅) blind spots. In conclusion: Me 🤝 Mulder in this headcanon lol I'm sorry to crack your brain open and I hope the light flooding in is not too overwhelming!! Being a person is a trip sometimes! Feel free to DM me if you want to spiral about this together! PS: Obligatory disclaimer that people have a wide variety of different experiences and feeling this way or relating to this is not necessarily an indicator of autism, which I don't even know for sure that I have! I am just over here projecting onto my blorbos on the hellsite, as glob intended 😂😂

[kevin--of-desert-bluffs]

Okaaay so I just learned that Tumblr just does not show your post in the tags if that tag is after a certain number of tags. So my attempts at listing everyone who appears or is mentioned per episode of WTNV are not going to get found in the searched tagged itself. However, I will continue with my tagging format because even if you can't see it searching for that particular character you can see it on my blog and may discover it through the more generic fandom tags that are hopefully being picked up at the start.

I've been on this hellsite forever how did I not know this.

On the plus or terrible side, it does apparently show posts in the tags if certain words appear in the body of the post sometimes?

Every day I learn that I do not know how Tumblr functions and what I learn about it's fuctions makes no sense at all.