#this would probably be easier if i wasn’t a perfectionist but unfortunately I Am.

[remxedmoon]

new problem has arised: i can’t find a version of the inscryption logo that’s at the correct aspect ratio

[myhoneststudyblr]

I often get asked for tips on various aspects of creating a studyblr and then how to grow it! It can be really daunting before you start if you don’t know how to go about it or what to post - I remember really wanting to create one for months before I actually built up the courage to make one.

This post is hopefully going to make this easier for you and give you the tips you need to get the best out of your blog!

Disclaimer: this is quite long! i wanted to make it as detailed as possible and it kinda got away from me XD

What is a studyblr?

study + tumblr = studyblr

A studyblr is a tumblr blog that posts anything associated with studying.

These blogs are part of the ‘studyblr community’, which is an online community of students who share their love for studying, stationery and their current lessons and study tips.

Why should you create a studyblr?

There are honestly so many reasons why i think that studyblrs are an amazing thing and why i can’t see myself leaving this community any time soon! here are some of my personal experiences:

1. i want to study! i have always been a very conscientious student and i have always worked very hard but i’m going to be completely honest with you and say that a lot of the time, particularly as i’ve been getting older, it has been a real struggle to get the motivation to do work. since i’ve started my studyblr, i’ve noticed a real increase in my desire to work because i want to have new things to post and talk about. it acts as a sort of outside external motivator!

2. my studying has got more interesting! when i say this, i don't mean the content. i’ve learnt so many new techniques and ways to organise my work that each set of notes that i do is different and i don’t feel like i’m doing the same thing every day!

3. my notes and handwriting have got neater! if you follow me, you might have seen a post from me a while back where i talked about my insecurity about my handwriting because i was *always* the person with the messy handwriting™. unfortunately, i am a perfectionist and i really wanted to have neat handwriting and notes. so my studyblr - because i wanted my posts to look good - made me spend more time focusing on the appearance of my notes and forcing me to slow down (this had been my main problem). now i can see a huge difference and i’ve reached a place where, even though my handwriting will never be the perfect font-like handwriting, it is noticeably neater and more consistent and i now love my pretty and unique handwriting

4. incredible advice about everything studying related! no matter where you are from, or what you study, it is possible to find advice about something that is relevant to you! people in studyblr are going through or have gone through everything you have and they give incredible advice on some many different things, from college applications and how to study a certain subject, to book recommendations and notetaking tips. but there are also plenty of tips on lifestyle and self-care, which are invaluable. even if you can’t find a post that helps you, you can always send someone an ask or a message and they’ll always try to help you out!

5. my mental health has got better and the community has helped me through so tough times! being a student today is hard and keeping your mental health in a good place can seem even harder. but i personally have found the studyblr community really helpful with this because i don’t feel so i alone. i know that there are so many mutuals and blogs that i follow that are going through similar things and i know i could always reach out to them for anything. i’ve also become less hard on myself and give myself significantly less impossible goals since i started studyblr

6. you will meet some incredible people. this was something that i wasn’t really expecting because when i started my blog i thought i would get 100 followers *max*. instead, i have been completely embraced by the community and have had some amazing conversations with people i know genuinely consider to be my friends. it is so easy to meet like-minded people who just want to support each other!

these are just the most important benefits that I've experienced with my own studyblr journey and there are so many more!!!

The 5 Basic First Steps

1. create a blog

if you are seeing this post i assume that you already have a blog! maybe you don't but luckily for you its very easy to create one. the main think you need to think about is whether you want to create a primary or secondary blog! you can find the differences between these here!

2. choose a URL/blog name

your username can be pretty much anything and can be a good way to show your personality, your likes or dislikes, or your goal for your studyblr! you can get really creative with your username and though most are, it doesn't have to be study/studyblr related.

here’s are some ideas that you could use when coming up with a username:

Your name or nickname

Favourite subject or your degree

Your dream job

Role models or fictional characters

Stationery

Brand names

Study utilities

Your favourite study snacks

COFFEE (this is very popular with many studyblrs... i wonder why?)

Your favourite animal

Basically, it can be anything! and don’t worry, if you decide later that you don’t like the name or you come up with soemthing better, you can always change it

3. choose a theme

this can seem like a very daunting task if you are completely new to tumblr but don’t worry! there are plenty of options and you can play around with this until you get what you want!

mobile theme: this is usually just changing the colours to fit with what you like and the mood of your blog

desktop theme: this is where it gets interesting! your desktop blog usually looks much more unique compared to mobile and you can add various different pages and really get it to look professional. there are so many different incredible themes that you can find that are free to use and can be customised slightly to fit your blog (there are also paid themes). you can also make your own theme (but i know nothing about this so i can’t really offer advice for that!)

4. find an avatar/icon

i personally think icons are really important because they can often be how people begin to recognise your blog when they see it on their dashboard and it can be a glimpse into what people expect

you can just use a normal picture for this: for example of your notes or something that relates to your URL or blog (eg a coffee cup)

however, you can also make your own from scratch! you can create your own icon using applications like Adobe Photoshop, Adobe Illustrator, Canva or Word/Pages. i personally used canva to make my icon (as well as all my banners for posts) and it is really easy to use and best of all is free! there are also people who have made icons for you to use (as long as you give credit) or will make them for you (sometimes for a small fee)

5. find some studyblrs to follow

this is probably the easiest step! if you know about studyblr, you probably already know a few blogs! just go through their blogs and see who they reblog or you can search through the #studyblr tag. i am also always happy to give recommendations of my favourites blogs (of which there are too many to count) or can try to recommend blogs that i know who study the same thing as you/are at the same level of study or are from the same country

Introduction Posts

i am a big believer in studyblr introduction posts! i think they are the best way to meet people when you are just starting and are the way that you get people to notice and interact with your blog.

what should you put in a studyblr introduction post?

your name or a nickname so people know what to call you

your pronouns

where you are from

your age

what you study

what level of study are you at (high school, uni etc.)

your hobbies and passions

why you made your studyblrs

what your goals are

tag some of your studyblr inspirations! (this is quite important because they will probably reblog the post and more people can discover your blog

these are just some suggestions and you don't have to include all of them if you are comfortable with sharing certain things!

if you want some examples of these posts, have a look through the #studyblr introduction tag! on my blog you can find that here!

What to Post

the beauty of studyblr is that you can pretty much post whatever you want and you will find a place in the community!

i love reblogging posts that come on my dashboard that i love or stuff from my mutuals! however, it is also really important to post your own original content because this allows people to get to know you and is probably the best way to grow your blog!

here are some ideas for what to post:

pictures of your notes

pictures of your current book

pictures of your annotations

pictures of your desk/study space

pictures of your food/ study snack

pictures of your drink/coffee

pictures of your favourite cafe

pictures of nature

pictures of your handwriting

text posts about something funny that happened in school/class/uni/your life

text posts about what is going on in your life

text posts about what is on your mind

texts posts where you share your journey completing a particular goal

text posts where you share your plan for the day

study guides

advice posts

self-care and lifestyle tips

essentially, it is whatever you want and whatever works for you!

When to Post

you should post whenever works for you! i know for a lot of people (myself included) most of the time you do not have time to post every day because that is a big commitment and that is absolutely ok!

when i first started, i thought that i had to post every day and it was a lot fo pressure! it was basically impossible to keep up because not only was it taking up a decent amount of my evening editing and posting my notes but also i didn't actually have enough material available to post! a studyblr should never get in the way of your schoolwork so try to fit it around this! post when you have time!

if you do want to have a more consistent posting schedule, there is a feature that allows you to schedule posts! so, say you have a bunch of free time on the weekend, you could schedule all the posts for the week ahead of time!

i would also recommend building up a queue for reblogs because this means that you again have some consistency in posts and you have new stuff quite regularly! (i personally always have a huge queue)

How to Grow Your Studyblr

the main thing i want to stay is that you should not be too worried about how many followers you have or how many notes your posts get because it really is unpredictable! i’ve had posts that have got crazy amounts of notes and i literally expected them to get hardly any and vice versa! i have no idea how the tumblr algorithm works so you just have to try and post for yourself!

that said, i know that it is really nice to have people interact and appreciate your posts so here are 3 quick tips:

use popular studyblr tags. these include #studyblr, #notes, #studyspo. you could also tag the stationery that you used, what subject it is and what level you at are (eg #high school or #uni)

tag other studyblrs. many studyblrs track certain tags and if you want them to see what you've posted and they will often reblog your post! i personally track the tag #myhoneststudyblr. you can find a post i made a while ago with some studyblr’s and their tags here! (note: this may be slightly out of date)

try and have a relatively consistent ‘look’ to your posts. you don’t have to follow a specific aesthetic but having some consistency in your posts can help people recognise your stuff. i personally keep my pictures of my notes very clutter-free (often just the notes and the pen i used) and bright. however, you can definitely switch things up if you want!

How to Get Involved in the Community

There are so many different ways that you can do this! Here are some of the best ways in my opinion!

send asks and messages to people!

i highly recommend sending asks to people, for example, if they reblog an ask game post or even just asking for some advice because they will start to recognise you as someone who is engaged with their blog and you could also learn something new about one of your favourite studyblrs!

messages are also a great, slightly more personal, way to interact with people. it can be as simple as messaging people to tell them you love their blog, or again asking them for some advice. if they do a post about a test or exam that they have coming up, you could even message them good luck or ask how it went. i have had some amazing conversations with people through messages and it is a great way to meet new people

just a reminder: always be respectful and polite in messages and asks to ensure that the community remains positive

reblog posts with a comment on their posts!

(or just add a comment, although this could be confusing if your studyblr is a side blog so just be warned)

this is a really nice way to let people know you’ve seen their post and it is always nice to give feedback. a comment can be as simple as: i love your handwriting! or good luck in that test! but that simple message reaching out it so nice to get! also, reblogging is really helpful to blogs because it means more people see the post

join a challenge!

ok, so i’ve had this blog for about a year and a half now and i had a pretty decent amount of followers (which i seriously do not understand XD) but i never got the same amount of interaction and involvement in the studyblr community until i created my #2020 quarantine challenge (click here if you wanna find out about this). i would get reblogs and likes on posts but i don’t think that i used to get nearly as much interaction with my posts with people leaving comments and stuff. furthermore, although i had blogs where we were technically mutuals, i didn’t really have mutuals like i do know where we actively keep in touch and check out each other’s posts all the time and stuff and that is honestly the nicest thing

challenges mean that you are most likely posting every day (or at the very least pretty regularly if you cannot manage every day) and this is good because you post lots of new content for people to discover. another great thing is that there is usually a tag that you can search for and scroll through and find others who are doing the challenge alongside you. the person who created the challenge also probably checks the tag out every few days and reblogs the posts

for these reasons, i cannot highlight how amazing challenges are for interaction and getting involved in the community!

The Golden Rule of Studyblr

🚨 ALWAYS BE POLITE AND FRIENDLY 🚨

probably my favourite thing about the studyblr community - and i know many others share this opinion - is that is such a friendly and welcoming place. it of course has its problems but this is a place whose ultimate aim is to support each other through our studying journeys! we are all here because we wanted to find likeminded people who we can make friends with and share our lives! therefore it is really important that we always try and lift each other up because you never know what someone is going through

Summary

there are lots of benefits to starting a studyblr so you definitely should!

it’s good to make your blog look nice and clean!

studyblr introductions are very important to start your blog off!

post what you like when you like!

tagging can be a great way to grow your blog!

don't focus too much on the number of notes you get or how many followers you have!

send asks and messaging, reblogging and commenting on other people’s posts and joining challenges are all great ways to get involved in the community!

we are all here to support one another so always be polite and friendly!

Other Resources

From Me

here is an answer to an ask i received about starting a studyblr (here is another one)

here is an answer to an ask i received about editing photos

From others

A Beginner’s Guide to Starting a Studyblr by @eintsein​

12 Step Guide to Starting and Running a Studyblr by @emmastudies​

How to Start a Studyblr by @caffeineandcoding​

Advice for New Studyblrs by @studyquill​

Starting a Studygram by @studyrellablr​ (many of the tips are the same for studyblr)

I hope this was helpful to any new studyblrs and even existing ones! As always i am always happy to answer asks and messages about and give any advice! If anyone else has any tips or tricks, please add them below!!!

[retroknightx]

hypmic headcanons

since nobody on my instagram appreciates me, i’m going to put them here, and it’ll be like a master post i can add onto that way anyway (which is convenient for me, because i keep adding on… yeah, it’s bad lmao. my notes document can only take so much) all of it will be under the line so you guys don’t just have a big ass post clogging your feed! to whoever my 4 followers are

starting with fling posse…

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Ramuda Amemura

He’s trans.

He has a superiority complex to hide his inferiority complex.

He also likely has a little bot of a god complex… Just a tiny bit… Not to the point it’d endanger his life, but to the point he can never admit he’s wrong (I suppose this can also count as the superiority complex).

He also has a little bit of a schoolboy crush on Dice… that has lasted far longer than he’d ever like to admit – not that he’d ever admit it in the first place – and he gets jealous over Dice.

He started his whole thing with girls, whatever it is, as a power trip, which also explains why he likes to cause so much chaos.

Since he used to smoke, he started candy as a way to stop smoking and it slowly replaced his smoking habit (as I have yet to see him smoke otherwise, but keep in mind I’m not far into the manga and mostly I’m going off the ARB story).

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Gentaro Yumeno

All writers are perfectionists (I’d know as one).

He’s probably very particular about the details and doesn’t like doing things without a plan.

He’s the lyric write for Fling Posse’s raps and does not enjoy making up lyrics on the spot; however he can if he must – This is also why he carries the book everywhere.

I honest to god don’t feel like he’s of this world and whatever his actual form is (irony in his rap name?), it scared Ramuda enough to create Fling Posse, so here they are.

---

now for the dice ones… it’s gonna be long!

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Dice Arisugawa

He is, unfortunately, very oblivious to romantic approaches – especially from close friends such as his division members, for he’s been with them for so long that he can never imagine them falling in love with him.

He has abandonment issues/a fear of abandonment because his mother left him.

Speaking of his mother, Dice likely knows how to do “noble” things because he was raised by a politician; i.e. how to play piano and stuff like that.

Adding on top of that, I feel like Dice has an accumulation of many different skills from being all over the place – He learned how to do card tricks by watching others, and he probably learned bird calls from spending time with Rio.

He undoubtedly has ADHD (as a person with ADHD myself, you cannot tell me I am wrong)!

He’s well aware that’s he a leech, but he can’t stop himself because the addiction is stronger and he feels terrible about it; it’s why he often begs instead of anything else that would fit his character more.

He’s a very talkative person and often rambles to get his thoughts organized.

He doesn’t like being put into awkward situations or forced into silence because he is used the buzz of a casino and a busy city.

Relating to the ADHD canon, Dice puts his life on line not only for the thrill of it, but to keep his mind off of thoughts, and it’s also why he gambles; so he can focus on one thing.

He is numb to change because he’s a gambler.

He is very good at adapting to a new environment.

He doesn’t like being looked down up and that’s why he started gambling; to prove that he’s worth something.

He uses humor to cope if he can’t get his mind off of things with the thrill of gambling.

---

Extras (Fling Posse all together)

Dice has weird limbs, so clothing fits him weird, and Ramuda started making clothes for them because of that.

Ramuda chased after Dice after he stole his signature parka and the Fling Posse star was embroidered on later by Ramuda after the formation of Fling Posse.

Ramuda likely pulls whatever strings he has access to to make life easier for his division members (not that it stops them from getting into trouble, that is).

Gentaro spends a lot of time away when writing and likely forgets he’s even alive during those periods, so his division members make sure he’s still taking care of himself when he gets like that.

They all piss each other off, but in a platonic love kind of way.

---

moving onto matenrou! my favorite division <3

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Jakurai Jingui

Oh, my poor man’s so tired. He just needs a long break and a spa day; speaking of this, he likely doesn’t ask for help often – it’s the messiah complex he undoubtedly has.

His hair is too long for him to be taking care of it himself, and it definitely looks in fantastic condition, so he definitely takes good care of it – I just don’t think he takes care of it himself; I think he enlists the help of his division members (as I headcanon that Matenrou is in a poly relationship).

Jakurai’s matureness can sometimes get in the way of other things, such as emotional moments, and he can come off as cold or distant when he doesn’t mean to come off that way.

Unlike the other divisions, Jakurai wanted to really separate from his past, and that’s why he named his division Matenrou instead of reusing something from the past. He also probably doesn’t like talking about the past.

His hair is naturally silver, but the lighter shades that are nearly white underneath was caused by stress.

He gets cold quickly, which is why he always keeps the lab coat on, and it’s also why he wears a turtleneck.

Jakurai does live in the same apartment as Doppo and Hifumi, but he’s always so busy that he often can’t get there, so he ends up sleeping at the hospital; he also has a separate apartment of his own that’s closer to the hospital if he has free time, but he’s not off work/off work but still on call.

---

Doppo Kannonzaka

Man, the first thing I thought when I saw him was that he has a choking kink. Enough said. He also likely has a praise kink.

If he didn’t have social anxiety and wasn’t so busy, he’d also probably be going over to Rio’s camp a lot. I think it’s because he’s so overworked that he doesn’t care about what’s in the food; as long as he gets it.

He’s probably passed out from exhaustion more than once and just got used to it.

Despite all his problems, he definitely wants to be known and he wants his name out there; he wants to be just like the other two and he definitely looks up to them already, but he aspires to be them.

He is so thankful for his divison members and he’s glad that they accepted him.

---

Hifumi Izanami

Hifumi is a classic case of “fake it till you make it”; I really don’t know how he became one of the most popular hosts in Shinjuku, but it’s definitely about the fake confidence and the jacket is a comfort object for him that allows him to have that confidence.

He cooks all the time for his division members and he uses the catches from fish all the time, too. He even brings the lunches to their works for them.

---

Extras

Since Hifumi’s always out so late, the others make sure he has everything he needs for whenever he wakes up and sometimes they wait for him.

They’re all in a poly relationship and I refuse to believe anything else; I mean, have you seen those “my room” dialouge in ARB? Fruity.

They probably all love to cuddle whenever they get the chance because they can’t do it often.

They definitely set up one day of the month for all of them to just be together.

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buster bros time!

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Ichiro Yamada

This may just be the Ichiro simp in me, but I think he has a very nice tummy that’d be nice to lay on; like a soft one if that makes any sense to anybody other than me.

He’s a very friendly person and if you’re close friends with him, he’s definitely loyal; he’d be willing to drop anything to help you kind of loyal, like he is to his brothers – all that, except the willing to die part.

I think he gets flustered easily and doesn’t know how to respond to compliments. That’s also probably the Ichiro simp in me.

Although he has to stop his brothers from ripping out each other’s throats all the time, he’s very proud of them and of their achievements, no matter what they are. He’s willing to praise them even for the tiniest things to make up for his absence in their lives.

He probably has a terrible sleeping schedule, but he could probably operate on pretty much anything. Two hours of sleep? That’s not an issue for him; he’s used to it.

He’s likely a cheapskate when it comes to himself, but when it comes to his brothers, he spares no expense if he can.

---

Saburo Yamada

He has a superiority complex. I mean, just look at how he acts with Jiro – that’s enough proof right there.

He got into hacking and all of that computer stuff because it was interesting to him; he’s probably pursuing a career in it, considering just how good he is at it. I feel like he’d make a good white hat hacker that tests your website security, like Alma in Va-11 Hall-A.

Call him a library, because he holds grudges for years.

I think he just likes picking arguments because he think it’s funny and there’s nothing better to do when you’re stuck with your brothers (as somebody with a sibling myself, I can attest to that).

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Jiro Yamada

Anger issues. Yep, that’s it. That’s the headcanon.

Man probably goes dumpster diving to see what kind of treasures he can find; his room is probably full of that kind of junk.

He probably has greasy hair. It doesn’t matter how much he cleans it, it’s just greasy (as somebody with the same issue, go clean your pillows Jiro).

---

Extras

Ichiro has to hold Jiro back from just punching Saburo all the time.

God, somebody save Ichiro from his siblings; with how much they bicker, he probably has taken so much ibuprofen to stop headaches in his life that he should be considered dead from an overdose.

Despite being assholes to each other, they all help each other out – Saburo helps Jiro with his work, Jiro helps Saburo with whatever he can’t do, and Ichiro takes care of the rest. It’s the only thing keeping their bond together.

---

mad trigger crew, my beloved.

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Rio Mason Busujima

Rio’s very stoic and that often doesn’t break, so it’s very rare to see a smile on his face. He has different smiles for different things too – there’s the business one; one so he doesn’t look as intimidating, and the actual genuine smile that’s very rare to see, but it happens when somebody appreciates his food.

Rio’s not good at understanding emotions and it takes him awhile to process emotions; he goes quiet in these moments and it can be confusing for those who don’t know him, but once he’s thought everything out, he’s very smart about responding.

He’ll never fully adjust to a life outside of the navy and military.

Opposite to Dice, he finds the buzz of a city to be too distracting for his thoughts and he enjoys his solitude, but he doesn’t mind company at all.

Due to how his unit was broken up, he refuses to abide by H law and keeps his gun on him. Even Rio can be spiteful. However, he mostly uses it for hunting, which is why he’s so far out in the forest.

He definitely has a lot of scars and that’s why he often wears his fatigues; he doesn’t wana come off as off-putting. His cards without the jacket did him so dirty. Of course he’d have scars from fighting in World War 3.

He can come up with strategies on the spot and is a very quick-thinker when it comes to combat.

Despite how ruthless he is when it comes to rap battles and being an ex-navy, he’s actually a very gentle soul.

I feel like he’s asexual, but homoromantic.

---

Samatoki Aohitsugi

He only uses the bad guy persona as a way to be left alone, but he’s actually a very kind person.

Despite being a yakuza, he actually abides to the H law and it’s probably only because of Nemu (however, this is only based off of the anime, so I can’t say for certain, but I haven’t seen anything in the manga disproving otherwise yet).

I just feel like he eats a lot throughout the day. I can’t explain this one, but he has the vibes.

He also knows how to cook quite well himself, and he does it for his division members sometimes.

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Jyuto Iruma

He’s very cocky because he knows he can get away with things; I mean, he’s the authorties, why wouldn’t he get cocky about what he can do? However, it’s somewhat annoying to Samatoki.

If he wasn’t a gay bastard, Samtoki and Rio probably would’ve been arrested long ago. Thankfully for them, he is a gay bastard.

He likes looking good no matter what; it helps his confidence, so he dresses up to go out anywhere.

His glasses are probably just reading glasses.

He likes spending money on expensive things.

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Extras

Samatoki and Jyuto are in a relationship. They’re so fruity that I’m sure I don’t have to explain this one.

Samatoki doesn’t approve of Rio dating Dice at all and it’s only because of Jyuto that Dice is still alive.

Rio is pretty much their marriage counselor; he has to constantly deal with them bickering, so of course he is. He’s pretty much the adopted child to save their marriage.

---

Ships

Riodice

Samajyu

Poly Matenrou

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i will likely make a separate post for the ship headcanons because this will be much longer, but i think this covers all of them anyway, so here you go. enjoy.

[coffeedrivenfiction]

An Interview With Minato Namikaze!

"I am now sitting down with one... Namikaze Minato, Fourth Hokage to the Village of Fire, spouse to Kushina Uzumaki, and father to Naruto Uzumaki. Is this correct?"

"Um, yes. To the best of my knowledge, that's correct. ...So do I just pick any chair or...?"

"Any will do, yes...Great, there you go. Before we get started, would you be so kind as to state your name for the record? Voice recognition and all that there."

"Oh, uh, sure. Ahem... my name... IS... the legendary Minato Nami—"

"If I could stop you right there to ask what you're doing? With the whole voice thing and the menacing smile…?"

"…Welp. Now I'm feeling kind of dense but, uh… it was something my wife suggested. She said I lacked the kind of presence that kowtows others instantly, doesn't really think I'm a very intimidating Hokage compared to the others before me, which is… arguable, I'll give her that, so she—"

"—so your wife doesn't see you as fit to run the village, does she?"

"Oh, ha! No, no, on the contrary—she honestly believes I'm the best to ever hold the title. Personally, I think she's lost her mind on that one but I double dog dare myself to say that to her face…."

"Your wife believes you to be the best suited Hokage… in a hallowed line that includes the likes of Hashirama-dono and Tobirama-dono."

"Yuuuup."

"Is she perhaps on drugs?"

"Not that I know of, no."

"Ah."

"Mhm…."

"And where do you think you sit on that scale, Minato-san?"

"Me? Hm... Now that's a tough one. Where do I see myself, where do I see myself…? Well, honestly, I don't like to think in terms of strength—far as I'm concerned, nobody's topping the Godaime and even then, you can't really brute force your way into governing people—buuuuut… overall? I'd put myself somewhere in the top three, at least. I might not have had the longest tenure but what I did manage, I'd like to think made a big difference."

"You say the top three… including who else?"

"Whoever else fits the other two spots. You pick."

"My thoughts on that are superfluous, aren't they? As a previous Hokage, the only input that matters should come from y—"

"As the Yondaime, one thing I learned even before I took the mantle was that the thoughts and viewpoints of those who look to you for advice are just as important as any lone thought you might have on your own. A man who rules without guidance is doomed to fall under himself, but a man who takes in many perspectives expands his gaze beyond the stars."

"…That was surprisingly wise for one so young."

"I have my moments. Like I said, strength alone won't get you far as a Hokage, there has to be some sort of light on upstairs."

"Indeed. And do you think you filled the position as adequately as your wife feels you did? Or could?"

"As good as Ku-chan thinks I could have? Not even close, but her standards are ridiculously high. Perfectionist, loud, commanding—I could live three lifetimes and still not match the greatness she sees in me. Bring it down to normal standards, though, and I don't think I did too bad…."

"Any regrets?"

"More than you or I have the time to go over."

"I imagine so..."

"Better to only imagine than live with it, I say."

"Are you scared of Kushina-dono?"

"Question outta left field there, but am I? Yes."

"That… was a surprisingly quick response."

"You asked a surprisingly easy question."

"I—well, normally, most would hesitate, not really want to answer one way or the other, but you…."

"Ha, my wife is scary as all hell, that's just facts. I fear her more than any enemy I could ever cross kunai with on the battle field. At least I know I stand a chance at beating them. My wife? Naw. Might as well call it done."

"Are you really saying that a Hokage cannot defeat his own wife in battle?"

"What I'm really saying is by default of her being my wife, she automatically wins. I was defeated in all the ways the moment I said 'I do' as far as I'm concerned. That's what she said and I don't even mind."

"Interesting…."

"Just a course of life that I've learned to lean into, really. My wife is adorably headstrong, I want her to be the best."

"And what about your son?"

"What about Naruto?"

"We have a staggering amount of questions here, mostly from fans, some from interested third parties, who want to know your true feelings on his treatment at the hands of those belonging to the village you pledged to defend?"

"Ah… my honest feelings…."

"Yes, if you could honor us with such a thing."

"…Once you become Hokage, I remember the Third telling me… it's like every single one of Konoha's citizens, they become your child. Yours to protect and guide and nurture. Sometimes, it's a trying thing… to watch as your children squabble and hurt one another, especially when most of that ire seems aimed at one of the children you quite literally created. Then, it becomes something different… your views get twisted, nothing makes sense anymore and all you feel is this undying, all-consuming rage coursing through your veins.

"In the beginning, it really hurts, that rage… it's probably best to be by yourself during the first few waves because it's not something anyone should ever let influence their moves. I was… lucky, to be gone. Extremely so. Over the years, watching him, watching them… ah, I'd be lying if I said it got easier. It never did. Did it become tolerable? Not really. In fact, if I'm honest, as you've asked me to be, I still hold a great deal of loathing in my heart. More than I'm comfortable with carrying—more than I thought I was capable of carrying.

"Eventually, in the end, it was my child who saved me from my own anger. Kinda odd when I think on it because… normally, subjecting someone to that kind of brutality for so long, they would naturally want to seek some sort of revenge, right? But Naruto never did. He took all that hate and… and he gave them shelter. That… I would swear he wasn't my child at times because I don't know where in the world he got kind of strength. To this day, I'm still confused, ha. Like… such a small human that I made—me—and well, wife included, but still—and he just… without any guidance… he didn't let any of that hate change who he was, you know? He had every right to, every inclination, and yet…."

"Minato-sama… are you okay?"

"Hm? Oh, yeah… yeah, I'm… just thinking is all…."

"About what?"

"How truly blessed I am to have had a kid like Naruto."

"I think most would agree with that sentiment now."

"Yeah…."

"Were you excited to see him learn the Rasengan?"

"Was I? And in a little over a week? That's the point where I was like 'my son is a prodigy'! Well, I always figured—Ku-chan, too—but that right there, just wow….Took me three years, took him less than ten days. Amazing…."

"Do you wish you could have taught him your Hiraishin jutsu?"

"Every single day, yes."

"Cute. Did your wife ever want to learn it?"

"Not initially, no, but once I put a mark on her so I could teleport to her side if she ever needed me, she saw that side of the technique, how powerful it was on the protection angle, and wanted to learn it just so she could come to Naruto for the same reason. Obviously… that didn't really come to happen…."

"Unfortunately, no, although I daresay your wife probably would have driven that newfound ability into the ground."

"Pft, that's an understatement. It takes a fair bit of chakra control to orchestrate but the Uzumaki's are known for their near bottomless chakra reserves so she would've been teleporting all day and night and you know what? Actually, on second thought, her not learning my technique is probably the single best outcome out of all of this."

"Would you say that in front of her?"

"Absolutely not."

"Ah. Well… I think that'll just about do it for now, um… yeah, we got through a lot of questions—definitely not all of them, but we'll save some for next time, yes?"

"You like it, I love it. This was okay, I'm glad Ku-chan pressured me to do it."

"Then so am I. Does that mean you'll be open to more questions in the future?"

"Of course. As the former Hokage, I am in service to those who need me."

"Excellent. Well, until next time, this has been… an interview with Namikaze Minato-sama."

"Well, erm, not to be rude or anything but I'm just gonna teleport out of here, okay?"

"As you please."

"Great. See ya!"

[tiberiusjeffersonkippen]

Dancing for You

Here’s chapter two! Thanks to everyone who liked the beginning! Here’s the AO3 link.

Summary: As Cyrus prepares a dance for his high school’s talent show, he finds himself entangled in a new friendship with none other than TJ Kippen, Grant High School’s resident jock. Only good things can come from new friends…right?

Words: 2087

Chapter 2

“Good morning Grant High!” The voice of Grant’s principal, Mr. Hayes, rang out from the loudspeaker. Although he usually paid attention to the announcements (unlike most of his peers), Cyrus could barely even keep his eyes open. He was really tired out from the talent show, and he almost overslept. He listened to the announcements as best he could, but his “best” ended up being falling half-asleep for everything but the very first and very last announcements. He zoned back in just as Mr. Hayes finished with “And please go vote for all of our very talented students who performed last night! Videos and the ballot can be found on the school’s website!”

“Does he not understand that you literally can not vote for ‘all’ of the performers?” sniggered Buffy, who sat next to Cyrus in first period Spanish.

“Oh, you know Mr. Hayes,” said Cyrus as he yawned. He really needed to get more sleep. “Besides, it’s a nice gesture, right?”

“You’re too nice, Cyrus.”

“Well someone has to stick up for the guy. All everyone ever does it makes fun of him.”

“Principal’s pet,” teased Buffy.

“Whatever. Let’s get down to business before Senora Gonzalez yells at us.”

Cyrus drifted through school as a zombie. He was probably going to have to relearn everything he was taught that day, but he was too exhausted to care. His math teacher even noticed that he was more tired than she’d ever seen him! After almost running into several people in the hallway (including one who Cyrus swore didn’t even go to Grant), Cyrus somehow got himself to history on time. Granted, he was literally the last person to arrive when he was usually one of the first, but Cyrus was willing to count it as a win. Unfortunately for him, someone had decided to appropriate his typical seat (which was the best one in the entire room, if you asked Cyrus), leaving the only open seat at the end of the last row, next to TJ Kippen. Cyrus groaned, but he couldn’t help but be somewhat satisfied with the temporary change. As much as he hated the back row, Cyrus was dying to have another conversation with TJ, and, more importantly, find out what the heck ‘Underdog’ meant.

However, before Cyrus could even open his mouth to ask TJ, Mr. Forbes started class. ‘That’s right,’ thought Cyrus. ‘I’m not as early as I usually am, so I don’t have time to chit-chat like I usually do.’

“Good morning class! I hope you all got the chance to go see the talent show last night! Let me tell you, Grant has some very talented students! In fact, we even have a very skilled dancer in this class! Our own Cyrus Goodman killed it last night!”

“Thanks,” Cyrus mumbled while the entire class turned to look at him. He really did not need the entire class to be very aware of his dancing abilities. Sure, he did decide to go and dance in front of hundreds of his peers, but he didn’t expect any of them to talk to him about it. Now, Mr. Forbes was practically inviting them to! Although, Cyrus supposed, he already had someone talk to him about it. TJ. In the bathroom of the Spoon.

Speaking of TJ, when Cyrus glanced over at him, he found a very soft and a very not-intimidating TJ staring back, before he shuddered and looked away. Cyrus was really going to have to interrogate him later.

“Anyway, we are going to begin our decades projects today! Now, they won’t be due until about a month after the AP test (which let me remind you is in three weeks!), but I wanted to give you guys ample time to come up with great ideas! This will be a partner project, so I’ll give you guys some time to pick partners after I’ve explained the entire project.”

Anxiety spiked through Cyrus. None of his friends were in this class! He looked over each of his classmates. Steph would pair up with Katie, Andrew would go with Victoria, Alex and Oscar would probably work together, Kira was too bossy and too much of a perfectionist, and Reed was too much of a dumbass (Cyrus wasn’t even sure how he got into AP US). Maybe he could work with Leo? His locker was right next to Cyrus’s, and he always seemed nice.

“So, without any further ado, I release you to the Battle Royale that is the picking of project partners!” announced Mr. Forbes (ever the dramatist), and the chaos began.

Cyrus stood up and started to make a beeline for Leo, but then TJ knocked over the tall pile of papers and folders that was sitting on Cyrus’s desk. By the time he finished cleaning everything up, Lester had already claimed Leo, and everyone one else had partnered up. Except for TJ.

“Guess we’re stuck together, huh?” said TJ, although he didn’t seem to be too disappointed about it.

“I guess so,” said Cyrus as he sat back down. Since he was already sitting next to TJ, there was no need to move to another spot.

“Kippen and Goodman? There’s a pair I never thought I’d see,” said Mr. Forbes while he wrote their names down next to a decade. “You two will have the 80s. Don’t mess it up! I am entrusting you with the decade of my youth!”

“Forbes is such a dork,” TJ said after their teacher walked away to assign decades to the other groups.

“I know, but it’s sweet. What other teacher is willing to be that goofy with their students?”

“Yeah, you’re right.” TJ paused a moment before a grin broke out on his face. “Did you watch those videos of him that Reed found?”

“What are you talking about?”

“Are you in the groupchat?” After Cyrus shook his head no, TJ continued “Oh, give me your number and I’ll add you. Anyway, there are these videos of him on YouTube where he’s telling stories. One of them is about him selling all of his belongings and going backpacking across Europe.”

“There is no way he actually did that.”

“I dunno, he does have that glimmer in his eyes…” TJ’s sentence drifted off and they both started at their teacher for a moment before Cyrus brought them back to the task at hand.

“Well, I guess we should get started.”

“Yeah, I guess.” A beat passed. “So,” TJ continued, “Do you have any idea what we should get started on?”

“Not really? Brainstorming is probably the place to start, and I don’t know about you, but personally, I think my brain is feeling pretty calm right now.” Cyrus was expecting a response, and he got one, but not in the form he thought he would get. Instead of using his words, like, y’know, any decent person, TJ started laughing.

‘Great,’ though Cyrus. ‘He’s finally come to his senses and realized what a joke this is and now he’ll try to weasel out of being my partner, which is perfectly fine by me because I probably would’ve ended doing it all anyw-’

“That’s a good one, Underdog,” TJ said, (quite rudely) interrupting Cyrus’s inner monologue. “Mind if I use it?”

“Wait, you mean you weren’t just laughing at me?”

“What? I was laughing at what you said, not at you.”

“Oh,” Cyrus swallowed. “Well, how stormy is your brain feeling right now?”

“I’d said pretty stormy.” TJ grinned, but Cyrus could just barely hear TJ add an “as always” onto the end of his statement. As much as Cyrus would have loved to dive into what TJ meant, he decided against it. If TJ did in fact not hate him (which seemed to be the case), Cyrus was not about to go and ruin it.

“I guess we can get started with that then?” he said instead.

“Sound like a plan.”

Twenty minutes and more than a couple of pieces of paper later, TJ and Cyrus had come up with approximately one hundred million ideas, none of them very good.

“What even happened in the 80s?” groaned TJ as he crumpled up another piece of paper and expertly shot it into the trash can.

“Three minutes twenty-three seconds to three minutes thirty-four seconds,” said Cyrus.

“Huh?”

“‘We Didn’t Start the Fire.’ You know, where it goes ‘Wheel of fortune, Sally Ride, heavy metal suicide/foreign debts, homeless vets, AIDS, crack, Bernie Goetz/hypodermics on the shore, China’s under martial law/Rock and Roller coaster wars’? It happens between three minutes and twenty-three seconds and three minutes and thirty seconds.”

“One, how the fuck do you know that? Two, HOW THE FUCK DO YOU KNOW THAT?!”

“I thought it would be valuable information when I was like 12.”

“Seriously? You have got to be the most interesting person I know, Underdog.”

“Oh, I wouldn’t say I’m that interesting. And what’s with that nickname? That’s like the third time you’ve called me ‘Underdog.’”

Before TJ could answer, the bell rung. “I’ll keep trying to come up with ideas!” he called as he went out the door. “I’ll let you know if I think of any good ones!”

“You guys are NOT going to believe this!” Cyrus said, sitting down with at his lunch table.

“What is it, Cy? Did they overstock chocolate chocolate muffins and are giving the extras away for free?” responded Buffy.

“Haha, very funny.”

“What? 9 times out of 10, when you are yelling in the cafeteria, it’s about those damn muffins!”

“Is not!”

“Is too!”

“While I am sure that that would be a very entertaining argument to listen to for twenty minutes, I want to know what Cyrus was going to tell us,” interrupted Andi.

“Oh! So you know how I had that conversation with TJ Kippen yesterday?” said Cyrus.

“Yeah, did you ever figure out what that was all about? And the whole ‘Underdog’ thing?” said Jonah.

“I’ll get to that. So today Mr. Forbes has us pick partners for the decades project. And somehow I ended up being partners with TJ! And for some reason he seems happy about this! And then he called me Underdog again, like twice!”

“I’m starting to wonder what exactly his motives are,” said Buffy.

“Me too! But don’t you think he would’ve just shoved me or something if he wanted to mess with me? It’s so much easier than being forced to spend time with me.”

“Maybe he just wants to get a good grade on the assignment?” suggested Andi.

“Maybe,” said Cyrus.

“Speak of the devil,” muttered Buffy, and, before he could ask what she meant, Cyrus felt a tap on his shoulder. He turned around to face a grinning Kippen.

“Hey! I just has an absolutely amazing idea for our project!” TJ said excitedly.

“Well? What is it!” responded Cyrus.

“So you know how you were talking about that one section of ‘We Didn’t Start the Fire’ that’s about the 80s? What if we rewrote it be entirely about that decade!”

“Hmm, an iconic song filled with events of an iconic decade? I think that’s a great idea! We’d probably have to write a more detailed explanation and analysis about the events, but it would definitely work!”

“Awesome! I guess we can figure out when to get together and work on it tomorrow?”

“Sounds like a plan! See you in history!”

“See ya in history!”

When Cyrus turned back around to continue his lunch and conversation with his friends, he was met with a couple of shit-eating grins.

“What?” he asked.

“You seemed a little enthusiastic about that exchange,” teased Andi.

“Yeah, I could literally hear the exclamation points at the ends of your sentences,” added Buffy.

“What are you guys talking about?” asked Cyrus.

“They’re talking about how you obviously like TJ,” said Jonah without looking up from his phone.

After a beat of shocked silence from the others at the table, Jonah looked up. “What? I’m not as oblivious as you all think I am,” he said, and laughter erupted from the table.

“But seriously,” said Buffy as she tried to suppress giggles, “you so totally like him!”

“I so totally do not!”

“Okay…” said Buffy, and they all went back to eating their lunches.

“Oh, hi TJ!” said Andi.

“TJ?” Cyrus whipped around, but TJ was nowhere to be seen. Andi and Buffy, however, were giggling uncontrollably behind him.

“Yep, you don’t like him at all,” said Andi.

“Oh, shut up.”

[angstymarshmallow]

it all started with tea (Mark x MC)

[A little note: I had a request for some LoveHacks fanfiction (I am happy and surprised to see that people still read and love that book - because honestly, I still do!) and I was more than happy to write some after playing it over a week ago. I know you said Mark or Ben, but I have a soft spot for Mark’s character. Thank you for your request anon!]

[Words Counted: 2751]

It all started with her morning routine and the lack of strong chai when Sage stepped into the office a little after eight am. The weather had taken a turn for the worse, and Sage had to shut the door quickly behind her in order to keep the heat from escaping their building. Her coat was drenched in rain as she shrugged it off and hung it by the front of the office.

Usually, Sage greeted her tight-knit staff with friendly smiles and donuts. But today, she barely mumbled a pleasant greeting before dropping her soggy rainboots by the mat. As she passed by their desks, she caught Leah’s quizzical stare at the lack of donuts and Felix’s eyes flashing with concern.

“Please don’t ask.” Sage mumbled quietly, still feeling defeated. It wasn’t the first time the weather had affected her quite this profusely; as it turned out – she was often sensitive to it ever since she was child.

She deposited her handbag by her desk and nearly froze. Blinking, and not believing her eyes – she moved closer to the cubby area; where her most prized possessions usually were.

Her favourite tea was missing.

“Okay, who did it?” She asked, turning around to face her coworkers. She placed her hands haughtily on her hips. The charms and bangles on her wrists made soft clink noises from the sudden movement. “Who’s the culprit?”

Isabela and Felix graciously kept their heads down, after nervously exchanging glances with each other and Leah snorted with obvious disinterest.

Sage regarded them each with narrowed eyes, unable to believe it was all in her head. She swore when she left last week Friday there had been at least two left behind.

Another minute passed until Felix cracked under her the intensity of her unflinching stare. His hands went up guiltily towards the ceiling. “It was me, okay?” He had the good sense to look away for a moment, “just keep those eyes away from here. They’re like burning into my soul, I swear.” He shuddered.

“I think you mean they would if you had a soul,” Sage corrected, stabbing a finger in the air at him as he met her stare again. “People who take other people’s tea without asking are definitely soulless.”

Felix’s shoulders dropped slightly while Isabella snickered at the insult. “Sorry Sage. I meant to replace it when I got in this morning but I forgot.”

“What happened to respecting each other’s stuff?” She placed a hand to her temple and sighed. “Don’t you have your own?”

“Yeah, fair point. But unfortunately my favourite blend was done since last week and yours was the next best thing, so –”

“But did you have to really take the last two? Two of them Felix?”

“You know me,” he replied with a shrug. “I love my tea extra strong.”

Sage sighed again, shaking her head before she massaged her temple. Already, she could feel the telltale signs of a headache and the sixth sense she always had made her think this was marking only the beginning of what was meant to be a very terrible day.

She wasn’t wrong.

It turned out two of their investors wanted updates on where they were for their biggest event plan of the year. It was only too bad that none of them had started the necessary booking and shifting of the appropriate funds for the event. And the investors were less than impressed when Sage tried to scramble and improvise some semblance of a plan.

After her meeting ended, Sage had shirked the rest of her responsibilities momentarily for  a moment’s rest. Her emotions were way too keyed up to keep herself balanced. Poking her head inside the break room, she made sure no one else was present before taking quick strides to the back. The mats she placed there almost an entire ago had eased some of her tension almost immediately.

Smiling a little, she sat cross-legged and allowed her mind to drift. She took deep breaths, as she tried to remember the little meditation technique she learnt as child.

In and out. In and out. It became her mantra; the deepness of her breaths and the slow exhale that brought her shoulders back down. Sage continued to follow the pattern she created until the constraints from her day begun melting away from her body. She felt better, lighter somehow than she had been this morning, until the sound of her phone vibrating brought her back to the present.

Sage had been half-tempted to let it go to voicemail until she saw his name. Mark. Just the sight of his name still caused a bunch of warm and strange flutters inside her chest. She thought after a solid year of living together those feelings would have changed – if not altered in some way. But she still felt just intense as she did before they became official about him.

“Hello beautiful.”

Smiling a little, she wedged it between her shoulders. “Hey, good afternoon.”

“Wow, I only get a good afternoon huh?”

She bit her lower lip. “It’s been that kind of day.”

“Aww, I’m sorry to hear that – and here I was half-convinced to send you a bunch of memes I saw on picgram today.”

Her laugh was short. Even under the crappiest of days he could still make her laugh. “Sending memes would have probably helped.” She paused. “A little anyway.”

“Good, then I’ll get right on that.” His tone softened. “Do you wanna talk about it?”

“Yes, but talking about it takes longer than I have.” Her eyes lifted to study the clock across the room from her. “Technically my break isn’t for another hour or so.”

“Rules, smhules. You’re your own boss.”

“Mark!”

“I’m just saying – you could give yourself a little wiggle room sometimes. It doesn’t hurt to take a breather.”

“That’s what this is, but you know I’m a stickler for these kind of things. It’s just –” she bit her lip for a moment, pausing to think.

“Tell me what’s going on Sage,” Mark urged softly. “I want to help.”

“You can’t really help,” she protested thinly. But she knew it was just the perfectionist inside her talking. She was always the fixer – in her family and even in her past relationships. She was still working on letting other people take care of her, of letting him take care of her.

“Okay,” she took a deep breath and let it escape slowly through clenched teeth before talking. “I think the crappy weather already gave me the impression that today was going to be terrible because it was raining all the way here. I’ve been stuck in meetings…for the better half of the day and usually I don’t mind – but nothing is ready because everyone wants us to move up our deadlines.” She twirled a lock of her hair; it was far easier saying what was wrong when she started talking and now that she had she didn’t know how to stop. “Plus, there’s the fact that our heater’s giving us some trouble. I’m almost certain it’s broken at this point but no one wants to admit it yet and start shelving out the money. And, to make matters worse Felix drank the last of my tea bags. Again.” She uttered a groan of frustration.

There was complete silence on the other line.

“Mark?” Had their call dropped? The entire time she had been explaining, he remained decisively silent. “Hello?”

“Yeah, sorry.” Mark mumbled slowly, “I’m….still trying to unpack everything you said.”

“..was that too much sharing?” She was still trying to get the hang of this.

“No, no, no.” He added quickly. “It’s fine – you’re fine. I’m actually pretty happy that you shared so much with me actually,” she wasn’t sure what to make of his comment until he continued, “not that what’s going on are happy circumstances to be in at all. I kinda wish I could do more than tell you everything is going to be okay. But that is what I can tell you – that you’ll get through it.”

Sage appreciated his support, but it hadn’t felt like much in the moment. “Thanks, I guess I just need to believe it.”

“That won’t be hard, you’re Sage Williams – thriving in a very young and successful company that you helped built from the ground up. If anyone can get through anything – it’s you.”

The corner of her lips curved into a smile and Sage uttered a small sigh of relief. “You don’t know how amazing it is to hear you say that.” Usually, almost nothing rattled her – but with more days like today in the near and foreseeable future, Sage was beginning to think her quiet confidence would become constantly on the line.

“I think I have some idea.” He teased.

She laughed. “Right, you do pretty much know me inside and out.” She mused. Then smacked her temple lightly. “Shoot! Here I am talking about how terrible my day is and I haven’t even asked about yours. Is everything okay at Zamble?”

“That’s okay, your day was pretty stressful but yeah it’s…more or less fine.”

“Define fine.”

“…It’s really not that important.” He mumbled.

Sage’s ears perked at the slight dejection in his tone. She knew he was deflecting. It was something she had to learn from pattern four. “Oh no, this isn’t how this works Mark. We’re not going down the rabbit hole of another pattern right now. Mark Collins, I politely demand to know what’s going on with work – as your girlfriend it is my sacred duty.”

“Funny you should mention that. Did you know when birds mate, they mate for life?”

“Mark,” She tries to soften her voice. Was he trying to suggest what she thought he was trying to suggest? “Although that is completely adorable, it doesn’t explain why things at work are ‘more or less fine’.” She knew if he was with her, he could see the air quotes she made in the air.

Silence greeted her on the other line.

“Mark.”

“Okay, you’re right. I know you’re right.” She heard his soft yet prolonged sigh. “Okay, well it all started with –”

Nearly half an hour later, Sage exchanged goodbyes with Mark then returned to her standing on her feet. She pocketed her phone after checking the time. She was all out of it and there were still several things waiting for her approval by her desk. Responsibilities here I come.

Her hand was on the entrance’s handle for nothing short of a second before the door was suddenly lurched open. She had only enough time to a slight step back and had done so as a knee-jerk reaction.

“Sorry,” Leah started before giving her an apologetic look. “Are you okay Sage?”

“I’m okay,” she reassured her with a smile. “I just needed a second to breathe.”

“After the morning we’ve had, I completely understand but our meeting for tomorrow just called. They want to meet today.” Her eyes dropped to the watch by her wrist. “Specifically, in the next twenty minutes.”

Sage went completely still. “Huh?” She croaked. “Well-well, when did this happen?” She sputtered.

Leach winced, “yeah that was exactly my reaction when they called. But we aren’t really in a position to turn them down or ask for another time. They’re in the area and they were very clear they wouldn’t be around for the rest of the week.”

Standing up, Sage’s mind was scrambling for the portfolio they had begun putting together just several days ago. “But it isn’t ready.”

“I know.” Leah sighed. “But we’ve got twenty minutes to make it ready.”

And her earlier tension was suddenly returning a tenfold. Shaking her head, Sage ran her fingers through her bright coloured hair. She wanted to panic, heck she wanted to scream to the universe of the unfairness of it all. But she couldn’t. A business like theirs couldn’t afford to walk away from important opportunities – not while they were barely in their second year. “Tell Felix and Isabel to hold off from polishing their two new articles. We’ll need all hands-on deck with this one if we’re going to finish on time.” She glanced at her watch; feeling her familiar composure when it came to difficult tasks flooding back to her. She wouldn’t find a way through this. She would get through it.

“You got it.”

-

Their second meeting had gone better than their first. It took a lot of hard work to become comfortable convince them the current stage of their project was worth moving forward. Still, she knew she had her work cut out for her. And whatever plans she had with Mark tomorrow would have to be cancelled. So much for date night.

She thought miserably. The only date she had for the next two days were being glued to her MacBook’s screen.

She sighed. What a day.

Her feet ached and the rest of her body wasn’t doing so hot either. The headache she had earlier had increased almost a tenfold as she massaged her temple and fished for her keys. All she wanted now was a nice hot bath and her favourite person in the world to cuddle up to – preferably in that order. She didn’t even want to think about cooking dinner or ordering in.

The moment she pushed the door open however, the sweet scent of her favourite candles; vanilla wafted towards her nose. She froze for a moment, blinking down at the sign of rose petals leading down the hall.

“Oh, gosh. He didn’t….” She murmured out-loud. Shaking herself out of her stupor, she closed the door and locked it behind her. She shrugged off her coat and quickly dropped her bag as well as her boots near their front door.

Although she had felt extremely tired awhile ago, the thought of following the path of these flowers renewed some of her energy and with each passing step, the urge she had to ridiculously smile grew.

“Mark?” She called out softly when her feet touched the better half of their hall.

“In here!”

She squinted at the sound. He sounded like he was in their den. Following along the flowers and his voice, anticipation gained stride until she was almost bursting from excitement. Taking a breath to try and calm her nerves down, she gingerly opened their bedroom door – and her heart leapt at the sight in front of her.

He had built a fort with all their pillows and blankets. Several of their tallest lamps helped to hold it altogether and he was grinning from ear to ear when she entered the room. “Mark!” She squealed as she raced to get it to him. “This is amazing!”

“Really?” His smile turned boyish as his ears tinged pink.

“Yes!” Squealing again she threw her arms around his neck and gave him a quick kiss, one and then another before she trailed a few more across his cheeks.

She could hear his moan reverberate through his chest as his hands came to rest by her hips and he kissed her hungrily back.

When they pulled apart, Mark bent forward to press his forehead against hers’. “I’m glad you like it. I made your favourite,” he jerked his chin towards the plate she hadn’t notice on her way in; alfredo pasta just the way she liked it – with extra sauce on top and a bottle of one of her favourite wines.

God, how did she ever become so lucky? “I don’t just like it. I love it.” She sighed dreamily and twisted in his arms for a moment to admire his handiwork. They hadn’t built a fort together since their college days. “This was definitely what I needed after such a bad day at work.” She turned back to him, her smile wide enough that her cheeks were starting to hurt. But she didn’t care. He was always worth every effort, and he made her smile more than anyone else in her life. “I love it.” She repeated ardently. “– I love you. This is perfect.”

“I love you too.” Grinning again, Mark kissed her soundly on the lips. “But I wouldn’t mind you showing me just how much you love me.”

“You know what,” threading her fingers through his hair, she stood on her tip-toes to return the kiss and pressed herself close enough to feel his entire length against her. “I think you’ve got yourself a deal Collins.”

-

[krreader]

something’s gotta give.

pairing: jung hoseok x reader  fandom: bts warnings: language genre: angst ; (fluff)

summary: with the deadline of his mixtape approaching, hoseok’s stress reached a new height. unfortunately, he decided to take out his frustration on the one person that only wanted what’s best for him, almost ruining his relationship in the process.

a/n:  nearly crying yourself when writing something is usually a good thing, right? (title taken from camila cabello’s song. if you want to break your heart some more, listen to it! It’s beautiful!)

ask box | masterlist | fandoms | faq | multifandom reader blog

You knew that what he was doing wasn't healthy. Fuck, even Hoseok himself knew that it wasn't healthy. But unlike him, you actually cared more about his well-being than his work, something that he didn't. He barely ate, barely slept, barely interacted with anyone, not even the boys. He didn't answer your calls, your messages and didn't even open the door when you stopped by to bring him food.

You understood that he was doing this for ARMY, as much as for himself. He wanted his mixtape to be perfect. He wanted to prove everyone that had told him he wasn't good enough that he was. He was fantastic, actually. He was equally as good as the others and could hold his own. But the way he was doing it was just not the right way.

He had a deadline and you knew that he would meet that deadline with ease, because most songs were pretty much done anyways. But the perfectionist that he was, he played around with the tracks over and over again, because he was never quite satisfied with the way they sounded.

But with the deadline approaching and only being away a couple of days now, his eating and sleeping had stopped almost completely. And that's when you had decided to intervene, genuinely being worried that if he didn’t soon eat or get some sleep, he’d end up in the hospital.

Most of the boys were out, only Jimin and Taehyung were here, the latter opening the door for you and updating you on what had happened. Which was nothing. Because he pretty much didn't leave the studio anymore.

You let out a long sigh and handed Taehyung a plastic bag, “I got you two food as well. Please eat, okay?”

“Thank you,” he kissed your cheek and walked into Jimin's and Hobi's room to get the other boy to have lunch with him, while you walked towards Hoseok's studio and knocked twice.

You waited for him to answer, but when you didn't get one, you simply opened the door and found him sitting at his desk, his headphones covering his ears

Even with his back turned to you, you could see that he hadn't eaten anything properly in days. His shoulders were slumped and he appeared much skinnier already. And true, you hadn't seen him in quite some time, but why hadn't you? Because of the mixtape.

You wanted to support him, you really did, but how could you when he was doing all of this to himself because of it?

You carefully approached him and put down the plastic bag on his desk.

The scaredy-cat that he was, he almost jumped out of his skin and immediately took off his headphones.

“What the fuck, (Y/N)?! You almost gave me a heart attack.”

“I knocked, but you didn't answer.”

“Because I'm busy! I’m working.”

“I know,” you took the food out of the plastic bag and opened it all up with a smile. Some of his favorite things, things, that would surely get him to eat.. make him happy.. right? “I just wanted to bring you food.”

He eyed the food, then he looked up at you, taking a deep breath, “I told you the last forty times that I'm not hungry, didn't I?”

“You did,” you handed him the chopsticks and crossed your arms in front of your chest, “But I don't care anymore. I won't leave until you eat something. Because this,” you pointed towards him, then the computer, “..is draining you. And I don't want to see you faint.”

“Then leave and you won't have to see, it's simple.”

Your tongue darted out against the inside of your cheek, “This is changing you, you know? You're not you anymore. You're just constantly stressed and annoyed at everyone and everything.”

“Do you know how hard I've been working for this? How LONG I've been working for this?”

“Yeah, but..-”

“No, you don't know, (Y/N)!” he got up from his chair, so that he was towering above you. The lack of sleep was clearly visible on his face, as well as the stress wrinkles, now that he was standing in the light, “Because you have no idea what it’s like to be a part of this industry.”

“You're right. I don't know. And I don't want to know. I just want to take care of my boyfriend,” despite him becoming more and more agitated, you remained calm, “This is the first time we've seen each other in four weeks, but I've not complained once, have I? I let you do your thing, because I know how much it means to you. But I worry about you, Hoseok. I'm not angry with you, I just worry.”

It seemed as if you not screaming back at him only made him more angry. Like he wanted you to scream at him, because that would make things so much easier. It would give him a reason to scream back and let out all of his frustration.

But here you were, not angry, just so utterly worried about his well-being..

..he should count himself lucky.

But right there and then? He didn’t. He didn’t see that you only wanted what’s best for him, stress clouding his judgment.

“Just get the fuck out,” he turned back around and sat back down, “And don’t bother coming back.”

You remained frozen on your spot for a little while, your jaw clenching, trying your hardest to control your emotions. You tried telling yourself that he didn't mean it. That this wasn’t him breaking up, because of something as stupid as this. That he was just stressed and said things he didn't mean.

You thought about saying something, anything else, but didn't trust your voice in that moment. You wouldn't show him that he got to you. You wouldn't show him that he hurt you, your pride not wanting you to. You tried to be as strong as ever.  

But deep down you just really missed him.

Your Hobi. The one that cared about you and the one that always made sure to text you every hour, just to tell you that he loved you. 

Where was that Hobi? Where was your Hobi?

So you decided to turn around without another word and leave, giving him what he apparently wanted.

You stopped texting him, stopped calling him.. but it didn’t seem like he cared.

Maybe it really was over for him..

..even though it wasn’t for you.

He leaned back against the couch, the rest of Bangtan all around him, all of them listening to his mixtape together that had just dropped. They were super excited, hyping up every single song and telling him how good they all were, how proud they were of him..

“What's that face for? You just finished your mixtape and it's amazing! Everyone loves it! You should be happy! You should celebrate!”

It's been three weeks.

Three weeks that he hadn't heard a word from you.

He fucked up his relationship for this. Probably lost you because of it.

So no, he wasn't happy.

Because the price had been too high.

“Celebrate for me,” he got up from the couch, “I'll be back later.”

“Where are you going?” Jimin furrowed his eyebrows, but Hoseok didn't answer him.

He just grabbed his keys and left the apartment without another word.

On his way to your apartment, his phone was blowing up with notifications. Several people texting him, calling him, wanting to congratulate him on the fantastic mixtape. But he ignored everything. His hands were buried deep inside his pockets, his shoulders were slumped and only now that all that stress of releasing his music was gone, it all hit him like a bucket of ice cold water. How he had treated you. How he had spoken to you. He kept replaying that scene of you and him in his studio, over and over again, and wanted to travel back in time just to hit himself in the face and ask himself why the fuck he would treat the one person who only wanted him to be okay that way. Why he couldn't just thank her with a smile and kiss her, tell her that he loved her..

..why didn't he tell you that he loved you..

He found himself knocking on your door, not really knowing what he was going to say, but he knew that a simple call wouldn't be enough this time. He practically broke up with you..

He had to see you, had to apologize in person and pretty much beg you for forgiving him, take him back if you had taken his ‘break-up’ with you serious.

You weren't surprised to see him when you opened the door. You had expected him to show up as soon as the mixtape was out, so you just left the door open and walked back inside into the kitchen where you were making yourself dinner.

Hoseok gulped hard, closing his eyes for a moment and taking a deep breath, before following you inside.

“What's for dinner?” he asked, trying to start the conversation with something lighter, but you didn't even bother to answer him. Obviously that wouldn't work. He shifted his weight from one foot to the other, before he finally said, “I dropped the mixtape.”

“Congratulations,” your voice was low, but you didn't sound angry.

If anything, you sounded disappointed.

And that was so much worse.

“Did you listen to it?”

“No.”

“Oh.”

You turned around, your arms crossed in front of your chest, “What are you really here for?”

“You know why.”

“I want you to say it.”

He licked his lips and hung his head in shame, “I'm sorry.”

“What?”

“I said I'm sorry,” he repeated a little louder and looked back up at you, “You didn't deserve to be treated that way.”

“You didn't call me after that day. You didn't text me. Nothing. Not a word, Hoseok,” he could see you trying to fight the tears from the way you were blinking rapidly, “I know that I'm not the number one in your life and I've accepted that when we began dating. But these past weeks, everyone and everything have been more important than me. Am I not your girlfriend?”

“You are!”

“Then why don't you treat me that way? Why couldn't you just at least call? I just..-” and there it was. Your voice breaking. One of your hands stayed on your waist, while you used the other to press your thumb and middle finger against your closed eyelids, trying to stop the tears, “You ended things, Hoseok.”

Hoseok was by your side at once, pulling your hand away and making you look up at him, “I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, (Y/N). If I could go back in time and change the way I treated you, I would. And I didn’t mean what I said.. you have to know that. I don’t want us to break up.. I never want that to happen.”

“Is this how it's always going to be, then? You taking out your frustration and stress on me? Breaking up with me every time it becomes too much?”

“No,” he said, not even letting you finish your sentence, “No. I learned my lesson.”

He didn’t know if he could touch you, but he hesitantly reached up to gently wipe away the tears on your cheek, glad that you didn’t push his hand away.

Maybe you shouldn't have forgiven him so easily. And maybe you hadn't. But for the past two weeks, you had forced yourself not to cry over him. Had told you that he didn't deserve it after having treated you that way. But now that he was looking at you with so much remorse, clearly regretting his actions, your dam finally broke and all of those feelings you had been hiding so deep within you surfaced.

He reacted immediately, wrapping his arms around you and kissing the top of your head, letting you cry into his chest, whispering one apology after the other into your ear.

His heart was breaking more and more, knowing that he was the reason for your sadness. Knowing that he was responsible for almost ruining his relationship with the one he actually wanted to spend the rest of his life with.

“I love you,” he whispered between kisses, trying so hard to stay strong and not join you in crying, “I love you so much, please believe me..”

And he promised himself that he would sort out his priorities.

To never, ever, put you second, third or whatever again.

Because you were the most important person in his life. And from this day forth, he would show you every single day just how much you meant to him and never give you a reason to doubt it again.

[quartusbellum-blog]

NICKY for the role of  NARCISSA MALFOY, using the faceclaim SARAH GADON.

Reading this application was delightful. You’ve given Narcissa such a strong voice. It’s clear from your app that we’re going to get the ruthless Narcissa we see in the books and so much more! This app is chock full of detail. You’ve considered so many angles of this character and the skeleton which I am extremely eager to see explored on the dash! Welcome, Nicky!

ooc details

Name: Nicky

Age: 32

Pronouns: she/her

Activity Level: medium; I have other writing projects I am going to (hopefully) be working on, but I should be online at least briefly most every day, moreso later in the week/weekend than the beginning.

Other: None, but I really do mean it when I say you can absolutely make use of Narcissa for plots and events and stuff, even the nasty ones! I’m not precious about my characters lol.

Acknowledgement: I absolutely acknowledge and indeed look forward to it all. I am happy to have Narcissa damaged or to have her damage others throughout, and if a tempting plot presents itself, even to have her killed; I will happily app someone else in the aftermath of her (no doubt bloody) demise!

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general ic details

Name: Narcissa Carina Malfoy née Black; nickname “Cissy” but only by those who are family, close friends, or who knew her well in school or childhood before Hogwarts.

Age: 25; born May 20, 1955 (if I did the math right lol)

Ships: I am a huge fan of lucissa which is obviously canon here in that they are married, but that doesn’t necessarily mean they’re in a loving relationship. I have played a great many permutations of the Malfoys’ marriage before and am happy to do so again should whomever apps Lucius prefer not to have a lovey-dovey partnership (or should our takes on the characters simply fail to mesh suitably for that). I do believe that the current set-up with the Silent Daggers requires them to at least be friends and partners who have some level of trust in one another, but whether there’s romance there or not is something to be determined when/if a Lucius player arrives, and I’m good either way!

There are no other ships for Narcissa that I am going to be actively seeking out, but I’m in no way opposed to playing others should they emerge over the course of the game, whether as group affairs with her husband included, acceptable affairs on the side, or not-so-acceptable liaisons or outright betrayals. Narcissa is someone who very much ranks purity (and prettiness) above something as minor as gender (so pansexual, not that she probably knows the label or would use it if she did–”tawdry labels are for idiot muggles, darling, intelligent people don’t bother”) and she’s a shallow, selfish woman, but she wouldn’t be the first Black sister to have her heart betray her… Also, pre-Lucius relationships? Definitely yeah let’s headcanon the shit out of that backstory goodness.

Gender/Pronouns: cisfemale, she/her

Face Claim: 1ST CHOICE: Sarah Gadon SECOND CHOICE:  Imogen Poots

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bio questions

Please note, while this game is “canon” up until the start of the Wizarding War it does not stay canon and it’s quite divergent at the start of the game.

biography:

The third and final of the three Black sisters, Narcissa was one last try for a male heir – and she was, obviously, a failure. (She didn’t even merit a family name – not that she’s bitter for not having been named for the stars too, of course not.) That’s the only thing in her life she’s willing to accept failure for, however. Perhaps knowing that she was an unnecessary spare is what drove her towards being such a perfectionist: perfect hair, perfect robes, perfect smile, perfect wandwork, perfect marks, perfect husband…perfect son. The first few years of Narcissa’s life was one steady climb towards the ideal future she had been raised to claim, from her sorting into Slytherin (where else!) to her appointment as prefect to her position as Seeker on the house Quidditch team to her excellent N.E.W.T.s scores all the way through to her marriage to the beautiful and perfectly pure, perfectly socially-positioned Lucius Malfoy…save for one unfortunate hiccup: Andromeda.

Still, one sister is better than none, and at least Narcissa still had someone to stand beside her at her wedding – and a husband who was gracious enough not to think that her former sister’s choices muddied her purity. There were those who whispered otherwise (there are always those who whisper otherwise) especially when little (former) cousin Sirius followed in similar footsteps, but Narcissa kept her head up and clawed her way back to perfection without them. Let the dregs be cast-off and discarded, forgotten; she and Bellatrix and Regulus were doing just fine. Better than fine, in fact; they were going to be heroes, going to be victors. They were going to make the whole world perfect, at long long last. No, Narcissa never went so far as to take the Dark Mark herself – but she was certainly proud to be married to a man who did, proud to have a sister and cousin who bore it (albeit a little worried about Regulus; he’d always been so sensitive as a child, was he really up for this?) and was thrilled to do her part in service to the Dark Lord. She toyed with the idea of stepping into the inner circle many times – certainly the Dark Lord would have welcomed her, given her connections and lineage! – but ultimately it was just a bit too much commitment. She and Lucius were starting a family, after all; better that one of them have a little less time invested in the struggle so they would have more to spare for the eventual heir. Lucius could win them their glory; Narcissa would lay the foundation on which that glory would one day be spent.

When the Dark Lord finally claimed his victory, it seemed like the perfect time to start their perfect family and it didn’t take long for a pregnancy to take root (never mind all those times they’d tried before and couldn’t manage; obviously her womb was just waiting for the perfect time). For an all-too-brief period it seemed like all was well, all was perfect…but it wasn’t. As the flush of victory faded, the reality that it was his victory – not theirs – set in, and set in hard. After everything they had done for the Dark Lord, everything they had sacrificed, everything they had been promised – there was nothing. No glories, no fortunes, no perfect future. After Andromeda and Sirius this was one betrayal too many and with a baby on the way something had to be done. They were Malfoys, Blacks; they deserved better. Their child deserved better. But Voldemort had made one mistake when he had called them all his servants: he had thought that meant they would be as loyal and harmless as House Elves. Foolish man, forgetting that they were wix – wand-carriers, not creatures – and their loyalty had been purchased, not bred; if he failed to carry out his end of the bargain, then the bargain was defunct. And there is no one more dangerous than a Black betrayed…except perhaps for a Malfoy.

Their determination for retribution didn’t mean she and Lucius weren’t still frightened of the Dark Lord, of course; they would be fools not to be, and neither Narcissa nor her husband were fools. But they were well-versed in old magicks and experimental spells, and clever enough to know that merely marking someone was not enough to ensure their loyalty (they themselves were proof of that weren’t they?) but there were other spells and curses that could. It would require the direst of secrecy, the most careful of planning…but they would do it. They would destroy the Dark Lord and claim their true place at the head of wizarding society. And if there were a few more sacrifices yet along the way, well…they would survive those, too.

The fact that one of those sacrifices had nearly been Narcissa’s very life had not been anticipated, but she survived – and perhaps even more importantly, the baby lived too, although Narcissa spent the rest of her pregnancy fretting about what effect her transformation might have on the child in her womb. Fortunately Draco was born with no complications (at least, none that they’ve seen yet) although it was deemed necessary to hire a wet-nurse nanny (not something traditionally done in the Black family, who prefer that their children be nourished only by their own pure bodies, but there was no way of knowing whether Narcissa would be able to give the boy what he needed now) who was passed-off as a decision of fashion and indolence. Narcissa tried not to let it bother her that she couldn’t be mother enough to provide everything her son needed herself (she failed) and took comfort in the fact that at least no one outside the family knew her blood was now tainted – not even dear Bellatrix. There was no knowing how she might react to the news…especially given what’s happened now to Regulus.

He didn’t take the transformation as well as she did, perhaps given the lack of support around him at the time (he didn’t have a few pints generously donated by a doting husband to carry him through that first night, after all) or perhaps there were other circumstances involved in his condition…or maybe he’d always just been a little bit weaker, more inclined toward melodrama. It was hard to say, especially given how secretive he acted about the whole thing – but at least she can trust him to be discreet about her condition. Even if he wasn’t relying on her to keep news of his whereabouts secret from Bellatrix and the Dark Lord, she’d be able to rely on Regulus – and Narcissa wishes she could do more for him, to help him adjust to their shared misfortune…but there’s only so much time in a day (or night).

Narcissa has to concentrate on other things right now: in addition to Draco (her primary focus and motivating factor in all things now) she had the Silent Daggers to found and control, a task admittedly made easier now that she had access to a very particular sort of blood-based magic…not that any of their allies needed to know that. (Conveniently their not-knowing will make it even harder for any of them to break the binding spell should they be tempted to try…and conveniently even if her secret does come out, none of them can turn their backs on her now that they’ve been pledged, cut, and bound to the Silent Daggers.) Perhaps it’s just as well she has that nanny to help with the baby…but she’ll never, ever admit that to anyone else – maybe not even to Lucius. Of course, the fact that Draco would be killed as punishment if the Dark Lord ever discovers her and Lucius’s treason looms over her every moment like a bleak black shadow…so it’s a good thing she’s learning to avoid the light.

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my character is:

Please Describe a Belief your character has that is wrong. It can be something we, as players, know is wrong (ex. prejudice against werewolves ).  Alternatively: How is your character lying to themselves (and how is is it shown externally).

Narcissa is wrong about a lot of things in this world. One of the biggest, though, has to be her subconscious conviction that her sister would never hurt her. She might have thought better of this whole Silent Daggers thing if not for that delusion – might have been too frightened, too prudent, to take such a reckless risk if she had really believed that Bellatrix would tear the skin from her bones (and that of her child) on the Dark Lord’s command. Narcissa claims to be sensible and realistic in her assessment of Bellatrix, claims that she knows that they’ll come to blows over it eventually…and she does believe that but in her heart of hearts, she doesn’t believe Bella would ever really hurt her. Not badly, not in a way that lasts. Not fatally. And maybe she’s right that the revelation of her vampiric taint wouldn’t be enough to inspire Bellatrix to hurt her; maybe she’s right that her sister would forgive Narcissa for the impurity she didn’t ask for…but betraying Voldemort? Bellatrix would kill her for that…and Narcissa can’t bring herself to believe it. One would think that after Andromeda, she would have no illusions about Bellatrix’s ruthlessness or fanatical loyalty left – but Bellatrix didn’t kill Andromeda either (although she ranted about doing so often enough). Of course, she probably expected Andromeda to come to her senses and come back (certainly Narcissa did) up until the birth of the child (and maybe even a year or two after that – motherhood among the mud? Really!?) and she was quite busy fighting the Dark Lord’s war at the time, far too busy to indulge herself by hunting down their sister…and now Andromeda, wherever she is, is far enough away to be safe (presumably). But Cissy has yet to realize that Andromda isn’t the only one who will need to run, if and when Bellatrix ever finds out what she’s done…

Please Provide a description of either Your Character’s Job (what do they do? how do they feel about it? Do they have any goals or dreams beyond this job) and/or Address the differences between what your character is currently doing and what they would prefer to do?

Celebration, that’s what Narcissa should be doing right now – reveling in their victory, relaxing now that the fighting is over. But it’s not. And if the Dark Lord is left in charge, it never will be. Their grand revolution of purity doesn’t seem to have been his end goal the way it was theirs; or perhaps he just doesn’t know how to let go. Regardless, the rewards that were promised his servants have not come to pass – and they’ve come to realize that servant of the Dark Lord has more in common with the servitude of a House Elf than it does the honor and privilege they were led to believe such a position signified. So instead of resting on her and Lucius’s laurels and smoothing down the last few sharp edges of the world into the perfect future her son deserves, she’s plotting treason.

As joint founder and head of the Silent Daggers, Narcissa is a little more squeamish than her husband about how far into the mud they’re willing to reach if necessary (the Malfoys have always been more pragmatic than the Blacks) but she’ll grit her teeth and force a smile for the filth if that’s what it takes to build a better world for dear Draco. The only problem is the worry teasing at the back of her mind: if the Malfoys turned on the Dark Lord for not keeping his promises, doesn’t that mean they’ll have to keep whatever promises they make to the mud in order to defeat him, or risk the very same thing happening to them? That’s a concern to be dealt with after victory is achieved, though – not today. For today she can shove it to the back of her mind and do her part spreading whispers and recruiting allies and accruing information…and, sometimes, making use of all those things to hurt the Dark Lord they once obeyed so loyally. Bellatrix is another problem for the future – but deep down, Narcissa knows that if (when) it comes down to choosing between her son and her sister…well, she’s already survived the loss of a sister once. She can do it again if she has to, for Draco’s sake.

ooc questions

Writing Sample:

Narcissa forced herself to stand calmly, to keep her eyes from settling on the silver bowl – or more importantly, to stop herself from licking her lips. It was strange how quickly she had adapted to the taste of blood, salty and bitter and somehow more delicious than any lavender cream pastry or herb-crusted quail. It was something she tried not to dwell on – and definitely not something that she could let on about here and now, when they were about to bind the first of the Silent Daggers (what a charming name; Lucius always was so good with words) and take this movement against the Dark Lord from tenuous disgruntlement to active rebellion.

Revealing that half of the couple behind said movement now had vampiric blood in her once-pure veins would have put rather a damper on things, and the baby growing in her belly (unharmed by her recent transformation, she had to hope) needed this. It was their only to build their child the future they deserved…

And if that meant Narcissa had to use her newfound affinity for blood to forcibly bind friends and allies to their cause, so be it. Truth be told it was a convenient tragedy, at least; the spells to hold the tongues and treachery of the Silent Daggers in check would be so much stronger now than they would have been before her brief, bloody death. Not that any of them knew they were binding themselves with vampire blood…but it was too late for any of them to back out now anyway. The time for qualms had come and gone.

Lucius wrapped-up his little speech (if she hadn’t helped him practice it for the past three days, she would have been as enthralled as the rest of the audience, but repetition could make even his dulcet tones run dull) and Narcissa stepped forward with the blade they had spent the last month bespelling. It tingled in her hand and she didn’t know if that was a result of the spells sunk so heavy in its gleaming metal or merely her own anticipation.

The first cut she made was to Lucius’s arm – unlike the Dark Lord, neither Malfoy would hold themselves aloof and above the rest of the Silent Daggers (not so obviously as by keeping their own arms unmarked, at least; obviously they were in charge but it was less obnoxious than it was with the Dark Lord and his Death Eaters) and it was only appropriate that they go first – and the last would be to hers. That was part of the binding spell, using her vampire blood to anchor the magic, although to the others they had merely presented it as appropriately symbolic that the Malfoys should both begin and end the evening’s loyalty pledge.

One by one, they came up to her and bled into the silver bowl; one by one, they presented their arms – marked and unmarked – for her blade, and she fought the urge to salivate at each hot red slash across their skin. No healing spells would be cast until the whole group was done (small, but soon to grow – Narcissa was sure of it) and the spell finalized so they stepped back wincing or stoic as their natures dictated, gripping bloodied arms in bare fingers or pressing handkerchiefs to the warm, delicious wounds.

Narcissa’s stomach grumbled and she nearly dropped the knife, cutting a bit deeper than before with the sudden rush of nerves. She smiled at Marcus and he stepped back without seeming to notice; perhaps for him, pain was still a comfort that let him know he was alive – or something that felt like a bond to his lost family. (Of all the people here tonight, Marcus was one of the last she would have wanted to admit her condition to.) Perhaps he just considered himself too new to their company to complain, or thought she had gored him so deeply on purpose as mute commentary on the necessity of his loyalty now…

A few more tantalizing slices and she was handing the knief to her husband to do the final cut. They raised their wands in unison and the others held their bleeding arms out, showing all eyes that the cuts were true and strong, ruby droplets falling steadily on the stone cellar floor. The words of the spell – some spoken, some not – rose in a cadence as harsh and hollow as the grasping hands of the wind. The blade glowed, the blood boiled, their wounds flashed hot and bright as fire – and it was done. The Silent Daggers were formed, their secrets bound by blood and magic.

Murmured sounds of healing spells rose around the room, interspersed with stilted banter and quiet muttering. It was always awkward, ending a group ritual; magic was not cast like that often, and it always felt somehow artificial or overdone. Narcissa closed her eyes and allowed herself to lick her lips, just once, as though to wet them after the extended bout of spellcasting. She opened them again when she felt Lucius’s fingers on her arm.

“Shall we retire to the study for icebrandy and gin?” Lucius suggested, the room going quiet in response to his brisk and jovial tone. “I mean, I suppose we could have the rest of the meeting down here too, but that seems so unnecessarily bleak to me…”

Laughter, both from amusement and relief, rose in response. “You’ll see to things down here?” Lucius asked her, leaning in close and speaking softly. Narcissa nodded and stepped back, smiling at the others as they filed out past her. She would join the party in a few moments, once everything down here was securely put away and the bespelled blood safely stored for later additions to the alliance.

And if she licked up a few stray drops here and there, well, who would ever know?

Exploration:

Please share three things you’d like to explore. This could be a character changing sides, darker themes, or basic fiction tropes.

Narcissa As Vampire: What does that mean for her physically? (How fortunate that she’s always been the sort to favor parasols and broad-brimmed hats in summer sunlight for the sake of her complexion – and how fortunate that she’s always been so pale! no one will ever notice a difference!) What does that mean for her magically? (She was always such a strong witch; surely she hasn’t lost that power, not with Black blood flowing in her now-tainted veins?) Where does she get the blood she needs to eat? (Is it always pure or is she reduced sometimes to drinking–ugh–muddy blood? Or is that a hardship, or is it easy for her to think of Muggles as food? Does Lucius ever donate to the cause?) What does it mean for Draco? (He wasn’t hurt by it, he can’t have been…he just can’t! Can he?) What does it mean for her internal assessment of purity…or to Lucius? (He says he still loves her just the same, but does he mean it?)  Is it a weapon she’s willing to use in their war, or something she’s too ashamed (or afraid) of to risk unsheathing under all but the most dire of circumstances? (True, she used it for the blood-binding, but was that a one-off exception or the start of a trend?) And so on and so on… For that matter, how did she become a vampire? I kept that deliberately vague in her bio because I’m hoping to explore something there involving other player(s) – maybe it was Regulus who was turned first, and he turned Cissy to save her after she was injured? Maybe that vial of blood around his neck came from a not-quite-disowned relative of theirs who’d fallen to the fangs years ago, and Narcissa made use of the same old relation when she was dying? Maybe it was someone in the Radical Alliance (willingly or unwillingly) who turned her as a favor or to pay a debt, or maybe it was vampires who hurt her in the first place and it was Lucius interrupting before they could finish the attack that led to her being turned instead of merely killed…. There are a lot of different ways to run with her “condition,” both in how it happened and how it affects her now, and my only regret is in knowing that I can’t do all of them at once!

Recruitment: It was Narcissa (and her particular familiarity with blood) who came up with the little trick with the knives and the blood to make sure no one could betray them in the first place, but a revolution can’t be run with only a handful of allies – nor without a few disposable tools. Since Narcissa is generally seen (by fools) as the most “harmless” of any of the Blacks and Malfoys, she uses her unassailable social position to whisper and toy and tempt others, sometimes tricking them into doing what the Silent Daggers need and sometimes adding them to her quiver of allies (with a prudent slash of red to make sure they stay there). It makes her someone who can cross the lines of allegiance for interactions more easily than most other characters, too, which should be interesting! And honestly just the chance to have Narcissa be an active part of the fight (if a subtle, secret one) is exciting, since she’s so often reduced to a wallflower (or worse, a reluctant participant who lacks her family’s blood-supremacist convictions) in these sort of games. I’m really looking forward to getting blood on her hands here – both metaphorical and literal! Narcissa is canonically ruthless…so I’m excited for a game where she actually gets to act like it.

Blood-Status & Family: Narcissa is a blood-supremacist. She always has been, always will be. Being turned – being tainted – hasn’t changed how she thinks of Mudbloods nor of animals like werewolves and Muggles…but vampires were always more fashionable, weren’t they? Of course they were. Besides, she might be a vampire but she’s a vampire with Black blood in her veins – that has to still count for something, especially when it comes to a creature for whom blood is so crucial! Yes, she’s still part of the elite even if she does have fangs…and that means she still looks down on everyone who isn’t. (It’s a delicate balance in her head, but one necessary to maintain for her own sense of self to remain steady.) But now she’s turned her back on Voldemort, she might have to ally herself with those who aren’t worthy…and that’s fine, those sort of deals are necessary in a war. But as she’s learned from having the promises she was made broken by the Dark Lord, those “necessary alliances” can’t be simply discarded after the war is won. Not unless you want a new rebellion on your hands. Which means that anything she or Lucius promise to any piece of filth whose allegiance they want to secure, they’ll have to follow through on in the end…which means she might have to get her hands dirty. Is she prepared to do that? Is she prepared…perhaps…to talk to her former cousin? Or worse – her lost sister!? (I know there’s no Andromeda in the game right now, but that doesn’t mean Narcissa can’t entertain the idea of having to face and deal with her – nor for that matter, the idea of having to deal with Bellatrix discovering her secret. Those possibilities will be relevant to her, even though they aren’t going to be applicable in the game as playable plotpoints. Sirius and Regulus, on the other hand – if either or both of those characters get picked up, then those confrontations should be lots of fun from very different angles: Sirius the disgraced, cast-out cousin who betrayed the family but who might be a useful tool in the fight against the Dark Lord…Regulus the “good boy” who got lost, who now shares a certain proclivity for blood and fangs but much more openly than she; much less stable than she too, given how and when he developed the condition…but he’s still her precious little cousin. And he’s no more tainted than her, even if he’s having a few more problems adjusting…but will she accept that, or ignore his issues because it means acknowledging her own lack of perfection though acknowledging his? Should be fun!)

BONUS: The Diary! I’m assuming (hoping!) this is going to come up as a plotpoint eventually, and I’m psyched for it. I’m also psyched for exploring how Narcissa will react to the revelation of Voldemort using Horcruxes – because we know they’re generally regarded as well beyond the pale by most of the magical community, so will Narcissa likewise be disgusted? Or will her upbringing as a Black (notoriously more comfortable with certain types of magic, it appears) and/or her current position as a member of the Silent Daggers make her more pragmatic about the idea? I don’t know, I think it will depend on how the news leaks out (if it does; maybe they’ll find a way to use and/or destroy the diary without ever learning exactly what it is idk) but either way it’s going to be interesting to play with.

Extras:

I have very, very rarely had the privilege of being in a game where both Malfoys are taken characters. Thus I have approached Narcissa’s development largely from the premise of her being on her own and I’ve just gone ahead and stated things as established history that would be better discussed in tandem with Lucius’s player. If there does end up being an app for Lucius I will (after I finish dancing with delight) be very very happy to revise and amend all of this to mesh with their player’s ideas. (Likewise with any eventual Bellatrix or Andromeda players – or for that matter, any family details overlapping with Sirius and Regulus!) I genuinely really enjoy group world building! So please, fellow or potential players: view this as an outline for Narcissa, not as a headcanon that’s set in stone. I’m happy to tweak and twist and rearrange, so don’t hesitate to fling your ideas my way!

[moekyah]

Exo as Yandere

Warning: Smut, Angst, Dark theme and Violence cause you know…YANDERE. I also do not any gif. Anyway thank you for reading, please enjoy~!

Baekhyun : The Hyde and Jekyll Type :

His smile is feign with innocence. Charming and popular, Baekhyun would use his amiable personality to approach you. His objective was simple, slowly earn your trust and soon your heart. It wasn’t that hard to become friends with you through his sense of humour. And it is even easier since the both of you have so many common interest, like playing video games or nerding out about movies. But it was frustrating to be stuck in a friend zone within your heart for such a long time. Baekhyun may seem like a gentle and loving person to you but it’s all a facade. Deep down the other part of him was surging to come out. It couldn’t wait to make you his. No matter what type of competitions he have. In the end you would always came back to Baekhyun. After all he is your best friend. Your one and only soulmate.

“Don’t cry Y/N, He is a fool for leaving you. He doesn’t deserve you at all. You can cry on my shoulders as much as you want. I will always be here for you.”

“You think Y/N would believe you? I have known her for such a long time. With these pictures who do you think she will believe? This is just the beginning you know. If you don’t break up with Y/N, I will make sure you wish you were dead.”

Minseok : The Big Brother Type :

The first time when you’d met Minseok, you can’t help but to fall for him. He is very attractive after all, flirty and confident, yet still a gentleman, who wouldn’t fall for someone like Minseok? But because he was much older than you and surely more experience. You had gave up and dismiss all of your feelings as a simple crush. Minseok didn’t help out though, even though you were just a little sister to him. He had teased you to no end, making you feel things you shouldn’t always leading you on for no reason. You desperately wanted to move on from Minseok. But he was always in the way. Acting like an overprotective older brother, Minseok was the worse. Little did you know though, is that Minseok have feeling for you too, even more than one could imagine. After all he was always watching, from the very beginning those watchful eyes was already set on you. Big Brother is and always watching.

“No Y/N, you are way too young for this. Your parents won’t be happy if they found you going to place like that. How about I take you out on this Saturday instead? Should we go to that new restaurant? Or should we go the mall?”

“Didn’t I told you not to go to that party? Dressing like this…You even allow that bastard to touch you. You really want to see me mad don’t you? I should punish you. You’ve been a very bad girl Y/N. And bad girl like you should be heavily punished.”

Jongin : Hannibal Lecter Type : 

Jongin wanted everything from you. He make it clear of course, that he wanted you on the very first meeting. Confidentiality coming toward you unlike the rest. He would shamelessly flirt with you until you agree to go out with him.  A perfectionist at heart, Jongin will plan out every dates for the both of you perfectly, making sure that every moments you two spent together would be very special. It wasn’t enough though, already within weeks of dating, he wanted more than nothing but to spent every moment with you. He could not stand the ideas of you being with anyone else but him. You are his goddess, his one and only, his to worship. No one could ever loves you even more than Jongin. Your body, your heart, your soul…if those greedy eyes could speak it would probably said that’s it wanted to consume your very own being.

“I love you Y/N, so, so much. Let’s be together forever okay? I will always protect you, I promise to love and  cherish you till the end of the days. Please, please believe in me.”

“Y/N doesn’t know it but I really hate it when I see guys like you approach her. Really what make you think you could ever have a chance with Y/N? You’re nothing but a pig for me to slaughter. How should I do it? Should I cut you up and feed you to the dogs? No, I think I’ll start with your legs and feed it to you.”

Junmyeon : The Mr. Gatsby Type : 

What is use to all the money and power in the world if he can’t have you? Unlike the rest of Psychopathic Type, Junmyeon is the most ‘human’ in all of them. He understands your feelings, how your heart didn’t belong to him the moment you first met him. But it was okay, Junmyeon respect your choices. He loved you enough to let you roam the world freely. There is nothing in the world that he couldn’t do for you. He could buy you anything you ever wanted, his love for you is endless. If you like he would even kill himself for you. But as perfect of a lover Junmyeon is, there is just one thing he couldn’t stand, and that’s seeing you getting hurt. This lovestruck fool would do anything to protect you. If you were to ask he were willing to do anything.

“Don’t cry Y/N, please don’t cry. Can’t you see how much I love you? Please stop hurting yourself. Seeing you like this is killing me. Please forget about him.”

“Why must you hurt Y/N? Do you not see how much she loves you? I loves her so much, and Y/N, she loves you so much. I was going to let you be, I was willing to share Y/N with you…but that’s all changes now. You have hurt her too much. I can’t forgive you. Don’t worry it will be all over soon, Y/N will forget about you soon enough.”

Yixing : The Daddy Long Leg Type :

 Instead of interacting with you directly like the rest, Yixing would keep his distance when he first meet you. It wasn’t because he was afraid of rejection or anything like that, no, no, it’s just necessary that he find out everything about you first before the right time come. He must become the perfect man in order to woo you. Everything he do must be completely believable, so natural, like he have never meet you before. Let those gazes follow him, let them see how great of a man he is and that he is the man of your dream. Let them admire him and let them desire him. His plan was absolutely flawless after all. Playing the nice guy, becoming your crush, helping you secretly, and letting you find out all his good deeds ‘accidentally’. Who said you can’t create your own destiny?

“Ah Y/N, What a coincidence meeting you here, would you like some coffee? It’s my treat! How did I know that this is your favorite? Hmm…lucky guess, I guess.”

“Do you see that lovely girl over there? I’ll give you $300 if you pretend to attack her at 10:40 PM today. I will be there trying to protect her, you can beat me up as much as you want, just make it believable and leave within 10 minutes or so.”

Jongdae :The  Dr. Frankenstein Type : 

Jongdae was obsessed with you. How unfortunate you are to have meet a lover like Jongdae. Unlike the rest of Exo, this person wasn’t afraid of you knowing this dark side at all. In fact he had fully embrace it and using his kind feature this person would manipulate everyone around him. There was nothing wrong with Jongdae. It’s just that it’s you who haven’t realize how ugly and impure this world is yet. And so Jongdae was going to show you just that, he would show you the true color of those pests. Driving you insane and giving you madness. Jongdae knew well that he have to ‘kill’ you in order for you to be reborn completely. So until when you are able to compromise that Jongdae was the only person you ever needed in this world, by then you are truly his.

“There you go again, being so kind to them, you really are an angel aren’t you? Even if he is your boyfriend and she is your best friend must you give them that much trust? I’m only joking~They seem like really good people after all~”

“I told you didn’t I? That they was going to betray you. Look what you done now. Dirtying your hand like that? Don’t worry, you did nothing wrong Y/N-ah~ All you need is me, just put all of your trust in me. I will protect you”

Chanyeol : The Romeo Montague Type : 

There was nothing in this world that could tear Chanyeol away from you. A romantic at heart, every moment you spent with him will be fill with love and happy memories. Being wooed by his sweet songs, making you laugh, giving you lots and lots of loving kisses. Meeting Chanyeol was like a meeting of fate and he would make you feel like you were the luckiest girl in the world. But little did you know that this perfect boyfriend can’t help but to have a dark side to him. There was no way that he would let it happens, for this love to become a star-cross lover tragedy. Nothing could tear Chanyeol away from you. No one was ever going to steal you away from him. And if your heart ever to get stolen? Than Chanyeol wouldn’t mind dying with you, stealing you back from the person that had stolen you away.

“Did you dream of me last night Y/N? Me? Of course I did, how can I not think of you every minute of the day! You don’t believe me? Silly Y/N just how many time do I have to say that I love you for you to believe me?”

“Why did you look at him like that? Am I not good enough for you Y/N? You know that I can’t take it right? Do you really want to see me feeding you poison that much? Don’t turn me into such a bad guy Y/N-ah. I love you so, so very much.”

Kyungsoo : The Devil Type : 

With a face of an Angel. No one could ever doubt that he was a more of a fallen one. It doesn’t matter if you have a lover or not, in the end you could never escape from Kyungsoo. Tempting with you lust, filling your soul with envy, he will show you the way of wrath. In which your heart can’t help but to be consume with greed as fall deeper for him, letting you have a taste of sloth, only to leave you starving in gluttony. He loves it to see you degrading yourself begging for mercy and pleading for more. So forget all about your pride and all of your morals. Take a bite of this sweet apple and sell your soul to the devil. You can run away from temptation but never hid from it.

“I don’t tell lies Y/N, well not to you. If you wanted me then say it. I want you too. I will always be here waiting for you. So just come to me and I’ll be yours.”

“Were you jealous of her darling? Did your heart fill with envy when you see me with her? Did it drive you insane that you wanted to murder that person? Baby girl you should already know that my heart is only set for you.”

Sehun : The Prince Charming Type :

Sehun is the type of guy that you would bring home to your parent. Someone who all your friends would swoon over and talk about. He was the guy that would sweep you off your feet. The more you look at him you can’t help but to be reminded of a perfect prince out of the fairy tales book. But one should always be careful of what they wished for. After all happily ever after always came with a price. The moment you had fallen for this Prince Charming was already too late. One can only advise you to continue and remain oblivious to what was happening and continue on loving Sehun. Or else the beast will be awaken and you could never escape from this twisted fairy tales.

“Here have my coat. Yes, your friends seem nice. Hmm? Are you jealous? You’re silly you know that? Aigoo~ How can my girlfriend be so pretty even though she are mad at me?”

“Does it hurt? I’m sorry princess but you had brought this upon yourself, you were going to leave me after all. And now these chains are going to keep you here with me forever. I will make you happy, I promise.”

Anyway as you can tell there are a bit of English Literature refferences with in this post. They may not be actually yandere, but i find these characters inspiringly creepy. It took really long to make this but I wouldn’t mind doing it again. So if you have a request please feel free to drop it in my inbox. I hope you reblog and give me heartu~

[thecrazydragonlady]

“Shall We Dance?” Chapter 19

Author’s Notes: JESUS CHRISTMAS THIS CHAPTER WAS A PAIN TO WRITE. I’M SORRY FOR HOW MUCH IT SUCKS.

Chapter 19

Alya shut her door with a sigh. Her parents were finally home after being gone for two hours so her twin sisters had them to mess with and not her. This was the perfect time for her to catch up on the Ladyblog; after all, she was still editing the video of the akuma attack from earlier this afternoon and had promised to have it posted by this evening. She started for her desk but a light tapping on her window caused her to jump and spin, searching for the source of the noise; considering of course that she lived at the very top of a building. A quick search revealed a rather surprising face hanging upside down outside her window.

Ladybug smiled and waved.

Alya immediately died.

Fangirl mode: engaged!

She ran to the window, nearly tripping over her book bag, some notebooks, a pile of clothes, and a stray pencil or two before flinging the thing open. “Ladybug,” she practically squealed. The superheroine smiled brighter.

“Good evening Ladyblogger. Mind if I come in for a minute? There’s something I need you to do for me.” Alya moved aside in an instant. Ladybug flipped into the window, landing gracefully on the floor, before rising and tugging on her yo-yo’s string to pull it inside. She placed it on her hip. The brown haired girl was nearly jumping up and down with excitement. Ladybug rarely spoke to her but when she did, she knew she was in for something awesome.

“Let me get my cellphone real quick!” Alya started to move around her but Ladybug stretched out a hand to stop her. She froze. Looking up, she saw that Ladybug’s expression was not good.

Fangirl mode: disengaged.

“Alya,” she started slowly, “can you hold off on the cellphone for a second? I really have a big favor to ask of you.” The girl in question straightened. She motioned to her desk chair for her to sit in while she took the bed. Ladybug took it gratefully. Once situated, the spotted-heroine continued with, “Look, Chat Noir took some pretty nasty hits from that akuma earlier today.”

“Really? He looked fine to me,” she mused, thinking back to the footage she’d recorded. Ladybug smiled sadly.

“Yes, unfortunately our… powers keep us from feeling pain but once we return to normal, we can feel every bit of it.” Liar. You’ve never felt a bit of the pain you’ve received from an akuma. … Alya’s a civilian and doesn’t need to know that though. “Point is: he took some hits and now he’s sick. I need you to post it on the Ladyblog that he’s officially out of commission for… for the next week.” Alya raised an eyebrow. Was something going on in Adrien’s life that he was going to be out of the picture for the next week? Nino hadn’t texted her yet which meant that he probably didn’t know but….

“Wait, so does that mean you’re going to be protecting Paris on your own?”

Ladybug flinched, clenched her fists over her knees, and nodded solemnly. Breathing, she replied with, “Yes I am.” Alya stood suddenly and came to her, placing both hands on her shoulder. She tensed and sat up straight. There was a dangerous fire in the young newswoman’s eyes.

“Tell me what I can do to help,” she commanded. She blinked in response.

“Just-just make the post about Chat being down and out.” “Or,” she contemplated, “we can make an official video right here. Well, not right here because the Internet and dangers and what not but I can meet you downstairs in five minutes and we can go somewhere to make an official video. I know people will believe it more if they see the actual Ladybug saying it instead of this fan blog.” Ladybug smiled and relaxed her shoulders.

“Thank-you so much. I knew coming to you was the right thing to do.” Alya smirked. She stood then, getting out of her way so she could return to the window, and head down to the street below. She turned to grab her jacket, phone, and keys before leaving herself, telling her parents that Marinette had called and needed her help with a part of her project ASAP (which technically she wasn’t lying about since Marinette had come to ask her to help with a project; just not the one her parents were thinking about) and that she would be back in a few minutes. She took the elevator down before coming out on the street. Ladybug was in a nearby alley. If Alya didn’t know to look for her, she would have never… ugh… spotted her in the shadows. She jogged to meet her, looking quickly around to find the street deserted, before waving her off in the general direction of the park near the school.

“The park should be empty right now. It’ll be a good place to record if we can get close enough to a light source.” The dark haired hero nodded and started down the street. Alya followed and fidgeted. Walking next to Marinette was one thing; walking next to her hero was a completely different thing even if the two girls were the same person. If the superhero noted any of her slight distress, she didn’t say anything.

“You know,” Ladybug commented a few minutes later into their walk, “I would’ve thought you would’ve been all over the chance to interview the namesake of your blog.” Alya grimaced.

“Normally you’d be right. Don’t get me wrong, I’m ecstatic to be walking with you right now but…” She blushed a bit and looked off to the side. Rubbing a hand across her nose to warm it, she gave her a soft smile, “But I’m not heartless you know. I know you’re worried about Chat and I can’t help but be a little worried for you. I know you’re a boss and everything but with Chat being out of commission, you’re going to be in a lot of danger. Why aren’t there any other superheroes?” Ladybug shrugged.

“I don’t know. Admittedly it would make like far easier for the both of us if there were more.”

“Right. Anyway, now’s just not the time for an interview.” Alya winked. “But you so owe me an exclusive after this.”

“Deal.”

They fell into silence again. Alya bit her bottom lip, staring down at the ground as she walked, lost in thought and truly worried for her spotted friend; she sent up a silent prayer to whoever was in charge that Marinette was going to be alright in the next week.

****

Marinette collapsed into her chair. Her transformation wore off almost immediately and she leaned back, groaning up at the ceiling. Tikki eyed her sadly. “Marinette….”

“I’m alright Tikki,” she sighed, sitting up to smile softly at her. “Just tired is all. I didn’t think it was going to take us so long to get the message out.” The kwami giggled.

“Yeah, Alya’s just a stickler for perfection.”

“Yeah but I didn’t expect her to be that much of a perfectionist.” Tikki took a bite out of a cookie from her stash. “Do you think she’s uploaded it yet?”

“I don’t know. She might not have. After all, we only left her about thirty minutes ago.”

“Yeah but she went straight home and said she wasn’t going to do any editing on it.” Marinette nodded and reached for her mouse, clicking for the blog to open from the icon she’d placed on her desktop. It opened immediately. The top post, in big bold letters, read, “ATTENTION LADYBLOG FANS! IMPORTANT NEWS FROM LADYBUG!” Marinette swallowed nervously and clicked the video. It started with a shot of Alya. She didn’t smile at the screen like she normally did; instead she looked rather seriously at the camera as she began:

“What’s up peeps? Alya here. I’ve got some big news. Actually, I don’t but it’ll be better if you hear it from the source.”

She walked towards the camera, picking it up and turning to face her, Ladybug, sitting on a bench. She smiled sadly at the camera. “I have exclusive news from Ladybug, right here and now, so listen up Parisians.”

“Thanks Alya,” video her started. She looked seriously into the camera after a breath and said, “Citizens of Paris, I am going to need your help more than ever now. My partner Chat Noir has fallen ill and won’t be able to assist me for at least a week. During this time, Hawkmoth might try to do something dangerous. Please, I’m imploring to each of you: help your friends, family, even strangers if you see someone feeling down; together, I’m sure we can put a stop to his akumatizing even if it’s only long enough for Chat to get back on his feet.”

Marinette stopped the video. There wasn’t much on it afterwards. Alya turned it back on herself, said some encouraging words, before the video was shut off. She smiled at the quality and rubbed Tikki’s head. “She did a good job. I’m glad we were able to get it out.”

“What about Ms. Chamack?”

“I’ll call her in the morning. Alya said she’d shoot her the video file to have it air as soon as possible.” Marinette bit her lip and stared at the computer screen. Her stomach twisted painfully. Tikki, observant as ever, noticed and flew up to pat her forehead in return.

“What’s wrong Marinette?”

“To be honest Tikki,” she said slowly, “I don’t know but… I’m scared. Something just… something just doesn’t feel right about this situation. I feel like Hawkmoth might try something… maybe releasing that news wasn’t a good idea.” Tikki nodded.

“Yes but… if you didn’t, Adrien’s identity might be at stake. Even if Hawkmoth is some distance away, he’s probably really searching for the miraculouses so he’ll be watching Paris as much as possible. Even if the chances are slim that he’d notice the two of them missing at the same time, you’ve at least taken his eyes off of Chat long enough to keep him safe. Adrien’s not going to be able to defend himself alone if Hawkmoth decides to follow him to Italy or something.”

“Yes but…I don’t know Tikki. I’m still going to worry.”

“Worry isn’t necessarily a bad thing.”

“You’re right,” Mari sighed, giving her a kiss on the forehead. She stood from the table and headed over to her dress, sliding her pin cushion on to her wrist as she ready to start the next layer, “I just hope that what I’m feeling is wrong and everything’s going to be alright. After all, I’m Ladybug. Maybe I’ll end up lucky or something.”

****

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[anothergirlrecovering]

Lynn 36

Unfortunately this was one of those sessions where I felt like it was a complete waste of time and money. When I got there she asked me if I wanted any coffee or tea or anything and I said no thank you. She asked if I was sure that I didn't want any coffee and I reminded her that I don't actually drink coffee. She said she was just checking and she sat down. I asked how her shoulder was doing and she said it is starting to feel better. She said that they had done this weird procedure where it was almost like they took suction cups to her shoulder and it was really bruised and gross. LOL so basically I spent the next few minutes educating her on what cupping is and how it works and that they do that in acupuncture is well. I told her I had looked up frozen shoulder and the prognosis wasn't looking so good and she said there's always the possibility that she will need surgery at some point but she is hoping that with the physical therapy it will be all right. She said it depends on the day and some days are better than others, and I pointed out that the weather will affect it as well because of the air pressure changes. She said she hadn't even thought of that but it makes sense then why it was bothering her more the other day when it was raining. She also said she hadn't known what cupping was or what they were doing but that she was glad her physical therapist knows what she's doing because she did that. She asked how I was doing and I said I was OK but that the weekend had sucked. She asked what happened and I explained that my husband and I had ended up fighting the entire time. She said there must be something in the air because I am the second person today to say that the weekend went poorly and that there was lots of spousal fighting. I pointed out that it was a holiday weekend and that the majority of us may have spent more time with each other and may have seen each other's family which would likely trigger everyone. She said she hadn't really thought of that but it makes sense. She asked me what happened, and I went into details about all of the fighting. I explained how mom when we were at my husband's mothers house we ended up fighting about dandruff and how we have such poor conflict resolution skills and we literally just decided to be over it and stop fighting and move on. I explained how Friday night we ended up fighting about me thinking he needs therapy because he brought up freaking out about his hair and that he had been pulling out his eyebrows because he was stressed but that he basically says this is all normal and that he doesn't want to do therapy. Lynn basically said that she thinks I will have to come at it from a different angle and try to maybe just drop subtle hints like about how EMDr works so quickly or how it has really helped people on that I'm working with you have anxiety or something that might encourage him to think differently about it. She also pointed out presenting more positive reflections on how therapy is helping me to help him recognize that there is a benefit he may want. I pointed out that he had turned it on me and pointed out the fact that I have been in therapy for seven or eight years and there are still days when I come home upset for no reason and she laughed and said of course he did because it's easier to focus on my stuff and my problems than it is to look at his own. She asked if I thought that he would be willing to do couples counseling with me and if it would be possible to drive all the way to where she is because there's one counselor who she thinks would be a really good fit for us and she does evening appointments. I told her it was a possibility and I could always try talking to him about it if it was a real option for us. She said this therapist gets along really great with guys and she thinks that we would all work well together. She said she really thinks we could both benefit from couples therapy and being able to connect and have better conflict resolution and that she thinks this therapist would be aware of treating his aces. She said there is a new study that was being done at UT on the ace study and how the addiction model is failing because it isn't treating trauma. I explained that my husband had five aces, and that there were two more that he experienced with his dad but his dad didn't actually live in the home so he didn't say that it counted. She pointed out that my husband is a good guy but then he need some guidance and some help processing some of the stuff. I agreed and she was laughing and apologize for laughing and said that she knows it's not funny but it's kind of funny because I pointed out that he is upsetting about his hair and then I had come home the other day and he was just laying in bed naked and saying he was depressed and upset about his hair. I explained that I don't really know what else to say or do to be helpful about his hair loss obsession. I told her that on a more positive note I had written a positive song about parenting my kids differently than my mom dad and I brushed over that quickly because I didn't really want to get into the details or explain it but I wanted her to know that it was something positive that happened. I told her about the little girl in the Mormon church and home I wasn't triggered this time. She pointed out what a huge positive that was and shows so much growth and healing. I asked her if she was ready for the negative and she said yes so I explained how am I had gotten really triggered and upset on Friday night after my session and thinking about my own experience with gaining a significant amount of weight in puberty. What sucks is she misinterpreted what I had men and had thought that it was the Doctor Who had responded poorly when in reality it was my mom who had responded poorly and had literally brought me to the doctors because she was concerned about my weight gain. She asked me how I handled it and I explained that I had cried and texted my friend amanda about it and that Amanda had asked me what I would want to say to that little 14-year-old kid. She asked if Amanda is a therapist and I said she's in a PhD program to be a therapist LOL and she said that makes sense. I told her that I had started to do it Amanda had asked but then I had gotten upset and told her never mind and said I would wait to talk about it in therapy. She pointed out that she didn't think this experience was a negative because I had allowed myself to feel the pain and cry and had reached out for support and that sometimes the best thing is to just allow yourself to feel the pain. She also pointed out that I had literally given that kid the compassion that I would've wanted to give the 14-year-old self and that it's different and easier to look at it from an outside perspective and that as a therapist we are often going to be in situations where we get triggered or think about things. She pointed out that most therapists or at least the good ones have been through painful things and that is why we are so able to empathize with others, which I agreed. She pointed out that it was at a disappointment because I had texted my mom and my mom had further disappointed me which is a reminder that my mom still can't be there for me. She also asked if we were going under the assumption that my mom has an eating disorder, then how would that have changed that experience. I said that I would guess my mom would not have wanted me to be fat because it gave her anxiety, which Lynn said would be that my mother would project onto me. I said I wasn't really sure because my brother hit a chubby stage when he was 13 and he didn't really grow out of it and while they definitely constantly got onto him about his weight gaining about needing to cut back on snacks and eat better and exercise more, it didn't seem to affect him. Lynn said we only have like 10 minutes so there really wasn't enough time to do EMDR so she asked me more about my brother. I said that looking back I can see that he obviously had a lot of anxiety because he had issues with chewing on his shirt when he was old enough to know that he needed to not be chewing on his shirt or his jacket and that he also had an issue with playing with his hands as a kid and that the teacher had thought it was Tourette's or something but that now I realize he probably would've been diagnosed with ADHD or anxiety because he was constantly moving and fidgeting. She asked me why he had always gone so carsick and if that was related to his anxiety. I pointed out that I think it really was just motion sickness because he only got carsick if it was a longer car ride like 30 minutes and that what they had found to work was not feeding him before the long car trip and giving them the bracelets and that I had thought that he was always throwing up for all of those years but that she would just get nauseous and not actually throw up but by that point once he would say his tummy hurt, I would have a panic attack and dissociate and I didn't realize that he wasn't even actually throwing up. I explained that my brother and I are pretty different and that when he looks back at his life he says that childhood was great and that the only issue was in high school when he got bullied when he had to change schools. I said I think my brother has some social anxiety but outside of that he isn't a perfectionist and he isn't really super driven or interest about his performance or anything like that. I explained to Lynn that I felt like in thinking about our last session and how at the end it had surprised me that the thought but it popped into my head when she asked why I don't have to fight my parents anymore is because I'm not fat anymore according to their standards or at least I don't think I am, and that when I got upset on Friday about the weight gain of puberty it occurred to me that maybe those issues or things that I needed to process them because they were some of the underpinnings of what helped form the eating disorder. I explained that when I think about eating disorder memories that bother me, I always think of ones that were byproduct of having the illness, but that things like the waking up puberty would've been things that came before and sort of set the notion that I needed to be thin. She said that made sense and that it would sort of be us trying to figure out what things still needed to be processed. She hadn't realized that my doctor was not the one who handled my weekend poorly but that it was my mom which she said change things. She had thought that it was the Doctor Who had embarrassed mean, but really it was my mom who had made me feel like there was something wrong with me. She pointed out that we could start there next time but that she was really glad to hear about how I had not been triggered in church and what great progress that was. We scheduled for a week from today And I paid her. She told me safe travels back and I thanked her and left. I just hate feeling like I wasted my time and money to basically just vent when I could've called Amanda and told her the same thing and still not felt any better.

[outfromunderthegaslight]

What Happened Here

I have tried to mentally and physically draft this experience hundreds of thousands of times in what feels like millions of ways from all different angles. I have played around with and said and written hundreds of different responses to try to give people, and sometimes even myself an answer. 

I want to begin by saying that this is not to appease you, whoever you are reading this. This is not because anyone deserves an explanation. It is because today, my divorce is finalized and I am overwhelmed with emotion and want to have final closure on this chapter in my life. I’ve been bringing back Bracy for a long time now. And it was damn hard. And I could not be more proud of myself. So if you read this, and don’t like what I have to say, feel free to delete me.

For those of you have known me for a long time, who have watched me develop and grow up, know that I’m not the same 13-year-old I was over a decade ago. I was blissfully ignorant back then and I have grown up and experienced some of the best and worst moments of my life in the recent past. As a perfectionist, that is not an easy thing to admit. Do you remember the first time you experienced overwhelming failure? I do.

I vividly remember being maybe 13 and having my very first portable CD player stolen at City Park. Now, let me begin by saying that it was my fault. I left the pearly slim blue player under a park bench while I went to play.  Realizing what I had done when it was gone was defeating. I didn’t go back to that park for a season because I felt so stupid to have lost what I had just invested my very own $60.00 in. Plus, a $15.00 Kelly Clarkson CD. I didn’t even tell anyone how crushed I was out of the sheer embarrassment of failing, at what people would say. I tried. It wasn’t enough. I wasn’t enough.

At 18 I got my first B+ in college. I wept. I had gone to the math lab, I went to every class, I did all of my homework. And I was not enough. My hard work was not enough to guarantee success. I spoke with the professor, with the dean, to see if there was ANYTHING I could do. It was 0.3 of a point from being an A. I tried. It wasn’t enough. I wasn’t enough.

My marriage was the same way. It was the first great failure of my adult life. I tried. It wasn’t enough. I wasn’t enough.

Winter came. My depression deepened. I felt so crazy. I isolated myself, I drank a lot of tequila, I showered infrequently, I did not find joy in a lot of the things I used to love. My apartment was a mess. My job was a mess. My life was a mess. And all of those things were my fault. I just grieved. I grieved hard and I did not grieve in a way that was pretty. I frequently burst out in tears. I deleted all of my plans for the future. I stayed in bed. I didn’t sleep. I didn’t eat. For days at a time. I couldn’t. God, I wanted to be okay. I went through extensive therapy every week where they told me that I would be okay. Eventually. I used to tell them I was giving up four fancy cups of coffee a week to invest in my mental well-being so this session better be good. My therapist used to always laugh and dive-in before I lost my nerve.

For my friends and family who stood by my side during this awful season, I will never be able to thank you enough. Thanks for taking me to buy groceries or ordering me endless food when I just couldn’t handle normal life. Thanks for letting me wear sweatpants all the time and saying nothing except nice things. And thanks for being real when I needed it most. Thanks for weeping with me in my sadness when I told you there was a huge, gaping, hole in my heart and that I loved Josh so much and wanted to remain married so bad that I couldn’t go on. Thanks for dancing with me in my fear to the Taylor Swift discographies and all the other songs I would blast out of a stereo on repeat. Seriously. You probably can’t listen to “We Are Never Getting Back Together,” without seeing me gyrating and singing/screaming this anthem. Thanks for breaking dishes in the alley next to my apartment when I was so angry as we proclaimed truth over my life and denounced the lies.

Thanks for telling me I didn’t deserve this. That you knew how hard I tried. That it was enough. That I was enough.

That I wasn’t crazy. That I had had enough. When Josh asked me for a divorce on Valentine’s day for what felt like the hundredth gut-wrenching conversation, I agreed. I didn’t give up on my marriage. I chose life. I chose happiness. I chose wholeness. I chose healthiness. Unfortunately, I could not have those things with Josh. For better and for worse, I did not make this decision lightly.

Summer came. Like a timid animal returning from a winter hibernation, I fell in love with myself again. I rediscovered things that brought me immense joy and satisfaction in life. I challenged myself: in every aspect, you can imagine. I fell in love with my body. I treated myself better. I built routines and kept them. I loved that Ed Sheeran released a summer single that included the line “And, baby, my heart could still fall as hard at twenty-three.” I was twenty-three and falling in love all over again. For those of you who didn’t know what was going on and said I was “fake happy” fuck you. You can take that kind of negativity and bury it. Of course, life isn’t always sunshine and butterflies. After the season I had, I was definitely an advocate of that. Summer wasn’t all sunshine for me. It was still HARD. I was consciously undoing years of destruction. But I was working to not be bitter and to be much better. And those days, for as hard as they were, the dark and the light ones, were thousands of times easier than the kind of torture I experienced every day being married to Josh.

For those of you who haven’t lived it, let’s recap the past 5 years or so in the life of Abby Bracy/Abigail Bracy Witten/Abigail Bracy. Between name changes, address changes and overall life changes, the DMV hates me.

In Spring, 2010 I graduated from High School the same weekend my High School Prom took place. I wore a purple cap and gown because it was (and still is!) my favorite color. Some things never change. Because Ellie, Faith and I constructed our own ceremony, we danced down the isle to “Bohemian Rhapsody” (just the guitar solo breakdown) by Queen.

In Summer, 2010 I lived on the family farm helping take care of my ailing grandfather. This was an insane summer for my entire family.

In Fall, 2010 I began going to college at Clemson University and Southern Wesleyan University, 469 miles from my childhood home of Portsmouth, VA. I planned to and did graduate in exactly 5 semesters. I had short hair, a face full of piercings and the world was my oyster.

In Fall, 2010 (speaking of oysters) 18 and still a baby, I was engaged to be married in Summer, 2011 with the most wonderful antique pearl ring. I saw what my life would look like for the next 80 years. I dreamed big. I made plans. I checked boxes off.

In Winter/Spring, 2011 I lived on campus and experienced my last season of being an ignorant and blissful child. I was louder and larger than life itself and could not be stopped.

In Summer, 2011 I worked 3 jobs, pulled “triples” (aka, going from lifeguarding at 5AM, to waiting tables at Red Robin for lunch and closing out Applebee’s dinner shift in the evening) and barely remember anything that happened. Except for…

In Summer, 2011 I was married to my teenage dream, my high school sweetheart. The night before my wedding, I went on the most insane adventure trying to find false eyelashes because the ones I had picked out were gone. My friends laughed with me so hard that we cried. Everyone brought me coffee the day of my wedding. Even though I was married shortly after 10AM, I had consumed four, 24 ounce lattes/coffees. I wept with joy when my father walked me down the aisle. I felt the most loved and beautiful I had ever felt up to that point in my life. I still love my wedding dress and love my wedding and wouldn’t even change my bridesmaids super short red dresses for the world.

In Fall, 2011 Josh and I moved our entire lives to SC (two weeks after the wedding and straight off the honeymoon) where we started a new chapter together while attending school. I will never forget carrying our first sofa that we bought off of Main Street to our first home on Evatt Drive. Josh built the “Morch” (man-porch) and I learned how to cohabitate and compromise.

In Fall, 2011/Winter, 2012 I was working full-time and attending school full-time.

In Winter, 2012 I graduated from college Summa Cum Laude. My family was so proud. Except for Andy. Andy said I would never get a job with my joke of a communication major. Andy also graduated a semester after me. As a great baby sister, I definitely did not forget to remind him of this.

In Spring, 2012 I bought my first home.

In Summer, 2012 I performed extensive renovations while working full-time.

In Fall, 2013 I began my first career based job at a non-profit.

In Winter/Spring 2014 I moved back to Virginia to work for a small business near my hometown. I learned more at that job than I had ever anticipated and loved it.

In Summer, 2014 I had the best summer I had had in years living right off the beach and rooming with Christine.

In Fall, 2014 I moved to outside of DC to work at an advertising agency

In Winter, 2015 Josh asked me for a divorce

In Spring/Summer 2015 I healed from a lot of brokenness and sold the house.

In Spring/Summer 2015 I learned what it was like to be loved and respected by a man who waited a long time for me while I had the time of my life dating and eventually falling in love.

In Summer, 2015 I told Jason that I loved him. On a rooftop, overlooking the city.

In Winter, 2016 I started a new job at CHIEF. And the rest is history.

In Spring, 2016 Jason and I celebrated one-year since our very first date.

In Summer, 2016 who knows what the future holds.  

[endlessarchite]

How to Replace A Porcelain Floor Tile

Man oh man… I am tired. I have spent the better part of this past week installing the new shower tile, grouting, replacing the shower head, and more in the master bath. Given that it was also Independence Day in the U.S. and most of my family and friends were out celebrating the holiday, being stuck in a small bathroom with bits of water from the wet saw in my hair (a missing splash guard will provide the ultimate hair texturizing spray) and thinset under my fingernails (the ultimate nail whitener?) was not exactly how I pictured a “vacation.”

Those posts — including how I wound up waterproofing the shower, installing the new tile (and some nifty new gadgets that helped), and all of that is coming soon. But first: let’s go back to the floor tile and fix a problem that’s long past due, shall we?

If you read the post about the master bathroom tile floor install, you probably already knew that this post would be coming eventually. If you missed it (it’s right here!), then let me summarize as follows:

If you’re an accomplishment-seeking, DIYing perfectionist like me, never hire someone to do a job you know you’ll be more satisfied doing yourself… even if that takes longer on your timeline. No one else will pay obsessive attention to detail like a homeowner working on their own home.

I wound up almost instantly regretting my decision to hire out the job. I came home to find tiles that weren’t level with each other, uneven grout lines, and messy tile adhesive everywhere. Since my instincts are almost always “wait until I have the time to do it MYSELF,” I was really kicking myself over this error. Most of my anger wasn’t even on the guy who did the installation (as it was a family friend and not a pro/stranger I’d hired, and it was more or less just someone trying to help me out and get at least one thing off my very long to-do list). My main point of frustration was with myself for not realizing that I just needed to have put the project on hold until I was ready to do it.

To be clear, I don’t claim to have more know-how; I just know that I’m going to eyeball every single little imperfection and would always wonder if it could look better if I’d done it instead. That what-if haunts me whenever I see something go wrong (if you’ve ever looked over someone else’s work in your home, you know what I’m talking about).

In some ways, I got lucky: when I arrived home after the tile was in, the adhesive hadn’t get cured enough in some of the worst areas, and I was able to pry up a few and fix them in time (I was admittedly frustrated and almost in tears, but it was not as bad as it could have been if I’d arrived just an hour or two later).

But some, unfortunately, had already dried enough that prying them back up might cause damage to surrounding tiles that were ok enough to leave alone. I hadn’t purchased enough of the tile for me to install the whole floor twice, so I decided to let things finish drying and then fully inspect things once I had enough time to walk away from the project and regroup (for me, a big hiccup in a DIY project can lead to thrown objects, temper tantrums, and a host of other behaviors usually reserved for toddlers and drunk party guests… so, best to just walk away).

That “break” that I needed wound up being weeks… and then months… up to now. I was so bitter and frustrated with my “bad luck bathroom” and all of the weird setbacks it’s had since I first took it apart that it was easier to ignore the problem and use the guest bath (footpath-wise, it’s actually closer to my bed in the master bedroom because of the long hallway that leads to the closet and then the bath).

The thing that finally narrowed my focus again?

One: I got other rooms in the house like the laundry room back to working order and saw how much nicer things are when things are in proper working order (less chaos? what??); and

Two: A few sponsors came along recently who are very good at providing deadlines (I know that sponsored posts are easy to hate — and when they’re a bad match, they’re noticeably bad — but it’s also sometimes very hard to beat a combo of a supplied budget and a deadline when you’re way too good at procrastinating! Those sponsors will be revealed with their coordinating blog posts/projects, but the point is, they got me back in the bathroom and working on things enough to make this fix something I was constantly being reminded of by proximity.

So, that’s how I wound up finally sitting down one evening as I finished the shower tile, hammer in hand, and began to take care of the last remaining tile on the floor that needed to be replaced. It had been cut in such a way that one edge was resting on the toilet flange rather than fitting around it, leading to the entire tile lifting too far up on one side. And, it cured that way — meaning that once the toilet was installed, the toilet would likely rock on top of this uneven tile joint.

Lots of things that rock are kind of awesome — horses, chairs, concerts — but not a toilet. I’ve sat on one before… in my sister’s house. I forget every time I use that bathroom and it has surprised the crap out of me (accidental pun!) every time. And I really don’t want that in my master bath.

*this post contains affiliate links*

How to Replace a Porcelain Floor Tile

Since these were rectified porcelain tiles, they were a little different than your average ceramic tile (at least, from my experience). I’ve drilled holes in normal ceramic tile in the laundry room, but my existing arsenal failed when it came to these porcelain ones (I actually picked them out because they’re known to be solid and durable!), so the next best option was to just hammer and chip away at it until it was out. I worried that trying to pry at anything might damage the edges of the surrounding tiles, and any contact they’d had with a power tool also failed (grinding at the tile was louder and more shrill-sounding than I could stand, even with ear protection).

Remove grout (if needed) and grab a hammer.

The grout hadn’t yet been finished, so I didn’t need to first remove anything (if you are trying to replace a broken tile in an existing floor, you’ll need to remove the grout first). So, I just started hitting the tile in a single spot with the face of my claw hammer.

By concentrating on one spot with multiple hammer blows, the first piece cracked. I then moved the hammer a few inches away and hammered again. Once one spot broke, I moved a few inches over again. The trick was to concentrate the hammer in a single spot before moving onto the next section — jumping from one spot to another didn’t do anything except impress me as far as the bathroom floor’s future potential for not showing wear and tear.

Wear proper ear and eye protection.

It wasn’t quick, but it also wasn’t tough to do. Be sure to wear earplugs and eye protection though — little bits will come flying. After I got enough of the tile broken apart, I scooped it into the trash with a dust pan and worked on the next section until the entire tile was removed.

Remove cured tile adhesive.

Believe me, I was hoping I’d get to skip this part. I cut a new tile to account for the toilet flange (remember: around, not on top — not even a little!) and did a dry fit to see if I needed to remove the old adhesive underneath, too. But I could already tell that the added height from the dried adhesive plus the putting down new adhesive plus the new tile was definitely going to cause the new tile to not sit level with the others, which would be a real pain when it came time to grout (and doesn’t really solve the non-rocking toilet thing I was trying to avoid by removing it). So, removing the extra layer of dried adhesive was best.

At first, I tried scraping it with the small pry bar set I had and one of my putty knives. It got a decent amount, but I still needed to remove more.

For once, though, I had luck on my side. Instead of using thin-set like you would in a wet area, the adhesive I’d used for the porcelain floor is vulnerable to water exposure (this is totally fine as long as it’s not a shower floor or a steam room). So, all I had to do is pour some water onto the adhesive, let it sit for a bit (it will bead up at first and then eventually absorb into the adhesive), and then start scraping.

I have a heavy duty 6-in-1 tool I use for painting, but since it’s got a nice tapered edge, it came in handy (nothing against a decent putty knife, but it really didn’t get the job done). A little elbow grease, and most of the bumps and ridges from the dried adhesive were either completely removed or smoothed out enough to allow space for the new tile.

Cut and install the new tile.

If the tile is near an area that needs to be cut, mark and cut your tile on a wet tile saw per usual. Since I was also installing the new shower tile and grouting it this past week, it was easy just to include this tile in with the rest of the items I was working on. Back butter the tile and use spacers that match the existing width of the other grout lines in the tile (I prefer these).

Related: How to fit tile around an existing feature (windows, outlets, etc).

Grout

That’s on the to-do list next, but there you have it — all in all, pretty simple.

The updates on the shower are next, but that will include several parts because I nearly screwed everything up right from the start! I’m serious when I say that it’s like this room has really fought against me…

P.S. Hey! Don’t forget, today is Amazon Prime Day — where Prime members can get some really great discounts on the site. If you click on my Amazon affiliate links today (either through a blog post like this one or through the social media links I share), it supports The Ugly Duckling House at no added cost to you (which is one of the ways I keep my site free). I’m listing a few of my picks below, but even if you don’t wind up buying these smart home products specifically (and buy something else you’ve had your eye on), it still supports the site. Thank you! You rock.

Amazon Echo Dot – I have one and just now got another; lowest price I’ve seen on it yet!

Instant Pot – this thing is all the rage with some of my friends — pressure cooker, slow cooker, rice cooker, etc. I have a crappy crock pot that isn’t easily programmable and it drives me nuts, so this sounds like a cool upgrade!

Roomba – robot. vacuum. ’nuff said.

The post How to Replace A Porcelain Floor Tile appeared first on The Ugly Duckling House.

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[homejacksite]

How to Replace A Porcelain Floor Tile

Man oh man… I am tired. I have spent the better part of this past week installing the new shower tile, grouting, replacing the shower head, and more in the master bath. Given that it was also Independence Day in the U.S. and most of my family and friends were out celebrating the holiday, being stuck in a small bathroom with bits of water from the wet saw in my hair (a missing splash guard will provide the ultimate hair texturizing spray) and thinset under my fingernails (the ultimate nail whitener?) was not exactly how I pictured a “vacation.”

Those posts — including how I wound up waterproofing the shower, installing the new tile (and some nifty new gadgets that helped), and all of that is coming soon. But first: let’s go back to the floor tile and fix a problem that’s long past due, shall we?

If you read the post about the master bathroom tile floor install, you probably already knew that this post would be coming eventually. If you missed it (it’s right here!), then let me summarize as follows:

If you’re an accomplishment-seeking, DIYing perfectionist like me, never hire someone to do a job you know you’ll be more satisfied doing yourself… even if that takes longer on your timeline. No one else will pay obsessive attention to detail like a homeowner working on their own home.

I wound up almost instantly regretting my decision to hire out the job. I came home to find tiles that weren’t level with each other, uneven grout lines, and messy tile adhesive everywhere. Since my instincts are almost always “wait until I have the time to do it MYSELF,” I was really kicking myself over this error. Most of my anger wasn’t even on the guy who did the installation (as it was a family friend and not a pro/stranger I’d hired, and it was more or less just someone trying to help me out and get at least one thing off my very long to-do list). My main point of frustration was with myself for not realizing that I just needed to have put the project on hold until I was ready to do it.

To be clear, I don’t claim to have more know-how; I just know that I’m going to eyeball every single little imperfection and would always wonder if it could look better if I’d done it instead. That what-if haunts me whenever I see something go wrong (if you’ve ever looked over someone else’s work in your home, you know what I’m talking about).

In some ways, I got lucky: when I arrived home after the tile was in, the adhesive hadn’t get cured enough in some of the worst areas, and I was able to pry up a few and fix them in time (I was admittedly frustrated and almost in tears, but it was not as bad as it could have been if I’d arrived just an hour or two later).

But some, unfortunately, had already dried enough that prying them back up might cause damage to surrounding tiles that were ok enough to leave alone. I hadn’t purchased enough of the tile for me to install the whole floor twice, so I decided to let things finish drying and then fully inspect things once I had enough time to walk away from the project and regroup (for me, a big hiccup in a DIY project can lead to thrown objects, temper tantrums, and a host of other behaviors usually reserved for toddlers and drunk party guests… so, best to just walk away).

That “break” that I needed wound up being weeks… and then months… up to now. I was so bitter and frustrated with my “bad luck bathroom” and all of the weird setbacks it’s had since I first took it apart that it was easier to ignore the problem and use the guest bath (footpath-wise, it’s actually closer to my bed in the master bedroom because of the long hallway that leads to the closet and then the bath).

The thing that finally narrowed my focus again?

One: I got other rooms in the house like the laundry room back to working order and saw how much nicer things are when things are in proper working order (less chaos? what??); and

Two: A few sponsors came along recently who are very good at providing deadlines (I know that sponsored posts are easy to hate — and when they’re a bad match, they’re noticeably bad — but it’s also sometimes very hard to beat a combo of a supplied budget and a deadline when you’re way too good at procrastinating! Those sponsors will be revealed with their coordinating blog posts/projects, but the point is, they got me back in the bathroom and working on things enough to make this fix something I was constantly being reminded of by proximity.

So, that’s how I wound up finally sitting down one evening as I finished the shower tile, hammer in hand, and began to take care of the last remaining tile on the floor that needed to be replaced. It had been cut in such a way that one edge was resting on the toilet flange rather than fitting around it, leading to the entire tile lifting too far up on one side. And, it cured that way — meaning that once the toilet was installed, the toilet would likely rock on top of this uneven tile joint.

Lots of things that rock are kind of awesome — horses, chairs, concerts — but not a toilet. I’ve sat on one before… in my sister’s house. I forget every time I use that bathroom and it has surprised the crap out of me (accidental pun!) every time. And I really don’t want that in my master bath.

*this post contains affiliate links*

How to Replace a Porcelain Floor Tile

Since these were rectified porcelain tiles, they were a little different than your average ceramic tile (at least, from my experience). I’ve drilled holes in normal ceramic tile in the laundry room, but my existing arsenal failed when it came to these porcelain ones (I actually picked them out because they’re known to be solid and durable!), so the next best option was to just hammer and chip away at it until it was out. I worried that trying to pry at anything might damage the edges of the surrounding tiles, and any contact they’d had with a power tool also failed (grinding at the tile was louder and more shrill-sounding than I could stand, even with ear protection).

Remove grout (if needed) and grab a hammer.

The grout hadn’t yet been finished, so I didn’t need to first remove anything (if you are trying to replace a broken tile in an existing floor, you’ll need to remove the grout first). So, I just started hitting the tile in a single spot with the face of my claw hammer.

By concentrating on one spot with multiple hammer blows, the first piece cracked. I then moved the hammer a few inches away and hammered again. Once one spot broke, I moved a few inches over again. The trick was to concentrate the hammer in a single spot before moving onto the next section — jumping from one spot to another didn’t do anything except impress me as far as the bathroom floor’s future potential for not showing wear and tear.

Wear proper ear and eye protection.

It wasn’t quick, but it also wasn’t tough to do. Be sure to wear earplugs and eye protection though — little bits will come flying. After I got enough of the tile broken apart, I scooped it into the trash with a dust pan and worked on the next section until the entire tile was removed.

Remove cured tile adhesive.

Believe me, I was hoping I’d get to skip this part. I cut a new tile to account for the toilet flange (remember: around, not on top — not even a little!) and did a dry fit to see if I needed to remove the old adhesive underneath, too. But I could already tell that the added height from the dried adhesive plus the putting down new adhesive plus the new tile was definitely going to cause the new tile to not sit level with the others, which would be a real pain when it came time to grout (and doesn’t really solve the non-rocking toilet thing I was trying to avoid by removing it). So, removing the extra layer of dried adhesive was best.

At first, I tried scraping it with the small pry bar set I had and one of my putty knives. It got a decent amount, but I still needed to remove more.

For once, though, I had luck on my side. Instead of using thin-set like you would in a wet area, the adhesive I’d used for the porcelain floor is vulnerable to water exposure (this is totally fine as long as it’s not a shower floor or a steam room). So, all I had to do is pour some water onto the adhesive, let it sit for a bit (it will bead up at first and then eventually absorb into the adhesive), and then start scraping.

I have a heavy duty 6-in-1 tool I use for painting, but since it’s got a nice tapered edge, it came in handy (nothing against a decent putty knife, but it really didn’t get the job done). A little elbow grease, and most of the bumps and ridges from the dried adhesive were either completely removed or smoothed out enough to allow space for the new tile.

Cut and install the new tile.

If the tile is near an area that needs to be cut, mark and cut your tile on a wet tile saw per usual. Since I was also installing the new shower tile and grouting it this past week, it was easy just to include this tile in with the rest of the items I was working on. Back butter the tile and use spacers that match the existing width of the other grout lines in the tile (I prefer these).

Related: How to fit tile around an existing feature (windows, outlets, etc).

Grout

That’s on the to-do list next, but there you have it — all in all, pretty simple.

The updates on the shower are next, but that will include several parts because I nearly screwed everything up right from the start! I’m serious when I say that it’s like this room has really fought against me…

P.S. Hey! Don’t forget, today is Amazon Prime Day — where Prime members can get some really great discounts on the site. If you click on my Amazon affiliate links today (either through a blog post like this one or through the social media links I share), it supports The Ugly Duckling House at no added cost to you (which is one of the ways I keep my site free). I’m listing a few of my picks below, but even if you don’t wind up buying these smart home products specifically (and buy something else you’ve had your eye on), it still supports the site. Thank you! You rock.

Amazon Echo Dot – I have one and just now got another; lowest price I’ve seen on it yet!

Instant Pot – this thing is all the rage with some of my friends — pressure cooker, slow cooker, rice cooker, etc. I have a crappy crock pot that isn’t easily programmable and it drives me nuts, so this sounds like a cool upgrade!

Roomba – robot. vacuum. ’nuff said.

The post How to Replace A Porcelain Floor Tile appeared first on The Ugly Duckling House.

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Read more http://ift.tt/2tE8RgK Areas served: Winston-Salem, High Point, Yadkinville, Mocksville, Advance, Clemmons, Kernersville, Greensboro, Walnut Cove, Statesville, NC, North Carolina Services: House painting, roofing, deck building, landscaping, Carpentry, Flooring, tile, hardwood, remodeling, home improvement, interior, exterior

[sherlocklexa]

How to Replace A Porcelain Floor Tile

Man oh man… I am tired. I have spent the better part of this past week installing the new shower tile, grouting, replacing the shower head, and more in the master bath. Given that it was also Independence Day in the U.S. and most of my family and friends were out celebrating the holiday, being stuck in a small bathroom with bits of water from the wet saw in my hair (a missing splash guard will provide the ultimate hair texturizing spray) and thinset under my fingernails (the ultimate nail whitener?) was not exactly how I pictured a “vacation.”

Those posts — including how I wound up waterproofing the shower, installing the new tile (and some nifty new gadgets that helped), and all of that is coming soon. But first: let’s go back to the floor tile and fix a problem that’s long past due, shall we?

If you read the post about the master bathroom tile floor install, you probably already knew that this post would be coming eventually. If you missed it (it’s right here!), then let me summarize as follows:

If you’re an accomplishment-seeking, DIYing perfectionist like me, never hire someone to do a job you know you’ll be more satisfied doing yourself… even if that takes longer on your timeline. No one else will pay obsessive attention to detail like a homeowner working on their own home.

I wound up almost instantly regretting my decision to hire out the job. I came home to find tiles that weren’t level with each other, uneven grout lines, and messy tile adhesive everywhere. Since my instincts are almost always “wait until I have the time to do it MYSELF,” I was really kicking myself over this error. Most of my anger wasn’t even on the guy who did the installation (as it was a family friend and not a pro/stranger I’d hired, and it was more or less just someone trying to help me out and get at least one thing off my very long to-do list). My main point of frustration was with myself for not realizing that I just needed to have put the project on hold until I was ready to do it.

To be clear, I don’t claim to have more know-how; I just know that I’m going to eyeball every single little imperfection and would always wonder if it could look better if I’d done it instead. That what-if haunts me whenever I see something go wrong (if you’ve ever looked over someone else’s work in your home, you know what I’m talking about).

In some ways, I got lucky: when I arrived home after the tile was in, the adhesive hadn’t get cured enough in some of the worst areas, and I was able to pry up a few and fix them in time (I was admittedly frustrated and almost in tears, but it was not as bad as it could have been if I’d arrived just an hour or two later).

But some, unfortunately, had already dried enough that prying them back up might cause damage to surrounding tiles that were ok enough to leave alone. I hadn’t purchased enough of the tile for me to install the whole floor twice, so I decided to let things finish drying and then fully inspect things once I had enough time to walk away from the project and regroup (for me, a big hiccup in a DIY project can lead to thrown objects, temper tantrums, and a host of other behaviors usually reserved for toddlers and drunk party guests… so, best to just walk away).

That “break” that I needed wound up being weeks… and then months… up to now. I was so bitter and frustrated with my “bad luck bathroom” and all of the weird setbacks it’s had since I first took it apart that it was easier to ignore the problem and use the guest bath (footpath-wise, it’s actually closer to my bed in the master bedroom because of the long hallway that leads to the closet and then the bath).

The thing that finally narrowed my focus again?

One: I got other rooms in the house like the laundry room back to working order and saw how much nicer things are when things are in proper working order (less chaos? what??); and

Two: A few sponsors came along recently who are very good at providing deadlines (I know that sponsored posts are easy to hate — and when they’re a bad match, they’re noticeably bad — but it’s also sometimes very hard to beat a combo of a supplied budget and a deadline when you’re way too good at procrastinating! Those sponsors will be revealed with their coordinating blog posts/projects, but the point is, they got me back in the bathroom and working on things enough to make this fix something I was constantly being reminded of by proximity.

So, that’s how I wound up finally sitting down one evening as I finished the shower tile, hammer in hand, and began to take care of the last remaining tile on the floor that needed to be replaced. It had been cut in such a way that one edge was resting on the toilet flange rather than fitting around it, leading to the entire tile lifting too far up on one side. And, it cured that way — meaning that once the toilet was installed, the toilet would likely rock on top of this uneven tile joint.

Lots of things that rock are kind of awesome — horses, chairs, concerts — but not a toilet. I’ve sat on one before… in my sister’s house. I forget every time I use that bathroom and it has surprised the crap out of me (accidental pun!) every time. And I really don’t want that in my master bath.

*this post contains affiliate links*

How to Replace a Porcelain Floor Tile

Since these were rectified porcelain tiles, they were a little different than your average ceramic tile (at least, from my experience). I’ve drilled holes in normal ceramic tile in the laundry room, but my existing arsenal failed when it came to these porcelain ones (I actually picked them out because they’re known to be solid and durable!), so the next best option was to just hammer and chip away at it until it was out. I worried that trying to pry at anything might damage the edges of the surrounding tiles, and any contact they’d had with a power tool also failed (grinding at the tile was louder and more shrill-sounding than I could stand, even with ear protection).

Remove grout (if needed) and grab a hammer.

The grout hadn’t yet been finished, so I didn’t need to first remove anything (if you are trying to replace a broken tile in an existing floor, you’ll need to remove the grout first). So, I just started hitting the tile in a single spot with the face of my claw hammer.

By concentrating on one spot with multiple hammer blows, the first piece cracked. I then moved the hammer a few inches away and hammered again. Once one spot broke, I moved a few inches over again. The trick was to concentrate the hammer in a single spot before moving onto the next section — jumping from one spot to another didn’t do anything except impress me as far as the bathroom floor’s future potential for not showing wear and tear.

Wear proper ear and eye protection.

It wasn’t quick, but it also wasn’t tough to do. Be sure to wear earplugs and eye protection though — little bits will come flying. After I got enough of the tile broken apart, I scooped it into the trash with a dust pan and worked on the next section until the entire tile was removed.

Remove cured tile adhesive.

Believe me, I was hoping I’d get to skip this part. I cut a new tile to account for the toilet flange (remember: around, not on top — not even a little!) and did a dry fit to see if I needed to remove the old adhesive underneath, too. But I could already tell that the added height from the dried adhesive plus the putting down new adhesive plus the new tile was definitely going to cause the new tile to not sit level with the others, which would be a real pain when it came time to grout (and doesn’t really solve the non-rocking toilet thing I was trying to avoid by removing it). So, removing the extra layer of dried adhesive was best.

At first, I tried scraping it with the small pry bar set I had and one of my putty knives. It got a decent amount, but I still needed to remove more.

For once, though, I had luck on my side. Instead of using thin-set like you would in a wet area, the adhesive I’d used for the porcelain floor is vulnerable to water exposure (this is totally fine as long as it’s not a shower floor or a steam room). So, all I had to do is pour some water onto the adhesive, let it sit for a bit (it will bead up at first and then eventually absorb into the adhesive), and then start scraping.

I have a heavy duty 6-in-1 tool I use for painting, but since it’s got a nice tapered edge, it came in handy (nothing against a decent putty knife, but it really didn’t get the job done). A little elbow grease, and most of the bumps and ridges from the dried adhesive were either completely removed or smoothed out enough to allow space for the new tile.

Cut and install the new tile.

If the tile is near an area that needs to be cut, mark and cut your tile on a wet tile saw per usual. Since I was also installing the new shower tile and grouting it this past week, it was easy just to include this tile in with the rest of the items I was working on. Back butter the tile and use spacers that match the existing width of the other grout lines in the tile (I prefer these).

Related: How to fit tile around an existing feature (windows, outlets, etc).

Grout

That’s on the to-do list next, but there you have it — all in all, pretty simple.

The updates on the shower are next, but that will include several parts because I nearly screwed everything up right from the start! I’m serious when I say that it’s like this room has really fought against me…

P.S. Hey! Don’t forget, today is Amazon Prime Day — where Prime members can get some really great discounts on the site. If you click on my Amazon affiliate links today (either through a blog post like this one or through the social media links I share), it supports The Ugly Duckling House at no added cost to you (which is one of the ways I keep my site free). I’m listing a few of my picks below, but even if you don’t wind up buying these smart home products specifically (and buy something else you’ve had your eye on), it still supports the site. Thank you! You rock.

Amazon Echo Dot – I have one and just now got another; lowest price I’ve seen on it yet!

Instant Pot – this thing is all the rage with some of my friends — pressure cooker, slow cooker, rice cooker, etc. I have a crappy crock pot that isn’t easily programmable and it drives me nuts, so this sounds like a cool upgrade!

Roomba – robot. vacuum. ’nuff said.

The post How to Replace A Porcelain Floor Tile appeared first on The Ugly Duckling House.

Website // Subscribe // Advertise // Twitter // Facebook // Google+

from car2 http://ift.tt/2tE8RgK via as shown a lot

[chocdono]

How to Replace A Porcelain Floor Tile

Man oh man… I am tired. I have spent the better part of this past week installing the new shower tile, grouting, replacing the shower head, and more in the master bath. Given that it was also Independence Day in the U.S. and most of my family and friends were out celebrating the holiday, being stuck in a small bathroom with bits of water from the wet saw in my hair (a missing splash guard will provide the ultimate hair texturizing spray) and thinset under my fingernails (the ultimate nail whitener?) was not exactly how I pictured a “vacation.”

Those posts — including how I wound up waterproofing the shower, installing the new tile (and some nifty new gadgets that helped), and all of that is coming soon. But first: let’s go back to the floor tile and fix a problem that’s long past due, shall we?

If you read the post about the master bathroom tile floor install, you probably already knew that this post would be coming eventually. If you missed it (it’s right here!), then let me summarize as follows:

If you’re an accomplishment-seeking, DIYing perfectionist like me, never hire someone to do a job you know you’ll be more satisfied doing yourself… even if that takes longer on your timeline. No one else will pay obsessive attention to detail like a homeowner working on their own home.

I wound up almost instantly regretting my decision to hire out the job. I came home to find tiles that weren’t level with each other, uneven grout lines, and messy tile adhesive everywhere. Since my instincts are almost always “wait until I have the time to do it MYSELF,” I was really kicking myself over this error. Most of my anger wasn’t even on the guy who did the installation (as it was a family friend and not a pro/stranger I’d hired, and it was more or less just someone trying to help me out and get at least one thing off my very long to-do list). My main point of frustration was with myself for not realizing that I just needed to have put the project on hold until I was ready to do it.

To be clear, I don’t claim to have more know-how; I just know that I’m going to eyeball every single little imperfection and would always wonder if it could look better if I’d done it instead. That what-if haunts me whenever I see something go wrong (if you’ve ever looked over someone else’s work in your home, you know what I’m talking about).

In some ways, I got lucky: when I arrived home after the tile was in, the adhesive hadn’t get cured enough in some of the worst areas, and I was able to pry up a few and fix them in time (I was admittedly frustrated and almost in tears, but it was not as bad as it could have been if I’d arrived just an hour or two later).

But some, unfortunately, had already dried enough that prying them back up might cause damage to surrounding tiles that were ok enough to leave alone. I hadn’t purchased enough of the tile for me to install the whole floor twice, so I decided to let things finish drying and then fully inspect things once I had enough time to walk away from the project and regroup (for me, a big hiccup in a DIY project can lead to thrown objects, temper tantrums, and a host of other behaviors usually reserved for toddlers and drunk party guests… so, best to just walk away).

That “break” that I needed wound up being weeks… and then months… up to now. I was so bitter and frustrated with my “bad luck bathroom” and all of the weird setbacks it’s had since I first took it apart that it was easier to ignore the problem and use the guest bath (footpath-wise, it’s actually closer to my bed in the master bedroom because of the long hallway that leads to the closet and then the bath).

The thing that finally narrowed my focus again?

One: I got other rooms in the house like the laundry room back to working order and saw how much nicer things are when things are in proper working order (less chaos? what??); and

Two: A few sponsors came along recently who are very good at providing deadlines (I know that sponsored posts are easy to hate — and when they’re a bad match, they’re noticeably bad — but it’s also sometimes very hard to beat a combo of a supplied budget and a deadline when you’re way too good at procrastinating! Those sponsors will be revealed with their coordinating blog posts/projects, but the point is, they got me back in the bathroom and working on things enough to make this fix something I was constantly being reminded of by proximity.

So, that’s how I wound up finally sitting down one evening as I finished the shower tile, hammer in hand, and began to take care of the last remaining tile on the floor that needed to be replaced. It had been cut in such a way that one edge was resting on the toilet flange rather than fitting around it, leading to the entire tile lifting too far up on one side. And, it cured that way — meaning that once the toilet was installed, the toilet would likely rock on top of this uneven tile joint.

Lots of things that rock are kind of awesome — horses, chairs, concerts — but not a toilet. I’ve sat on one before… in my sister’s house. I forget every time I use that bathroom and it has surprised the crap out of me (accidental pun!) every time. And I really don’t want that in my master bath.

*this post contains affiliate links*

How to Replace a Porcelain Floor Tile

Since these were rectified porcelain tiles, they were a little different than your average ceramic tile (at least, from my experience). I’ve drilled holes in normal ceramic tile in the laundry room, but my existing arsenal failed when it came to these porcelain ones (I actually picked them out because they’re known to be solid and durable!), so the next best option was to just hammer and chip away at it until it was out. I worried that trying to pry at anything might damage the edges of the surrounding tiles, and any contact they’d had with a power tool also failed (grinding at the tile was louder and more shrill-sounding than I could stand, even with ear protection).

Remove grout (if needed) and grab a hammer.

The grout hadn’t yet been finished, so I didn’t need to first remove anything (if you are trying to replace a broken tile in an existing floor, you’ll need to remove the grout first). So, I just started hitting the tile in a single spot with the face of my claw hammer.

By concentrating on one spot with multiple hammer blows, the first piece cracked. I then moved the hammer a few inches away and hammered again. Once one spot broke, I moved a few inches over again. The trick was to concentrate the hammer in a single spot before moving onto the next section — jumping from one spot to another didn’t do anything except impress me as far as the bathroom floor’s future potential for not showing wear and tear.

Wear proper ear and eye protection.

It wasn’t quick, but it also wasn’t tough to do. Be sure to wear earplugs and eye protection though — little bits will come flying. After I got enough of the tile broken apart, I scooped it into the trash with a dust pan and worked on the next section until the entire tile was removed.

Remove cured tile adhesive.

Believe me, I was hoping I’d get to skip this part. I cut a new tile to account for the toilet flange (remember: around, not on top — not even a little!) and did a dry fit to see if I needed to remove the old adhesive underneath, too. But I could already tell that the added height from the dried adhesive plus the putting down new adhesive plus the new tile was definitely going to cause the new tile to not sit level with the others, which would be a real pain when it came time to grout (and doesn’t really solve the non-rocking toilet thing I was trying to avoid by removing it). So, removing the extra layer of dried adhesive was best.

At first, I tried scraping it with the small pry bar set I had and one of my putty knives. It got a decent amount, but I still needed to remove more.

For once, though, I had luck on my side. Instead of using thin-set like you would in a wet area, the adhesive I’d used for the porcelain floor is vulnerable to water exposure (this is totally fine as long as it’s not a shower floor or a steam room). So, all I had to do is pour some water onto the adhesive, let it sit for a bit (it will bead up at first and then eventually absorb into the adhesive), and then start scraping.

I have a heavy duty 6-in-1 tool I use for painting, but since it’s got a nice tapered edge, it came in handy (nothing against a decent putty knife, but it really didn’t get the job done). A little elbow grease, and most of the bumps and ridges from the dried adhesive were either completely removed or smoothed out enough to allow space for the new tile.

Cut and install the new tile.

If the tile is near an area that needs to be cut, mark and cut your tile on a wet tile saw per usual. Since I was also installing the new shower tile and grouting it this past week, it was easy just to include this tile in with the rest of the items I was working on. Back butter the tile and use spacers that match the existing width of the other grout lines in the tile (I prefer these).

Related: How to fit tile around an existing feature (windows, outlets, etc).

Grout

That’s on the to-do list next, but there you have it — all in all, pretty simple.

The updates on the shower are next, but that will include several parts because I nearly screwed everything up right from the start! I’m serious when I say that it’s like this room has really fought against me…

P.S. Hey! Don’t forget, today is Amazon Prime Day — where Prime members can get some really great discounts on the site. If you click on my Amazon affiliate links today (either through a blog post like this one or through the social media links I share), it supports The Ugly Duckling House at no added cost to you (which is one of the ways I keep my site free). I’m listing a few of my picks below, but even if you don’t wind up buying these smart home products specifically (and buy something else you’ve had your eye on), it still supports the site. Thank you! You rock.

Amazon Echo Dot – I have one and just now got another; lowest price I’ve seen on it yet!

Instant Pot – this thing is all the rage with some of my friends — pressure cooker, slow cooker, rice cooker, etc. I have a crappy crock pot that isn’t easily programmable and it drives me nuts, so this sounds like a cool upgrade!

Roomba – robot. vacuum. ’nuff said.

The post How to Replace A Porcelain Floor Tile appeared first on The Ugly Duckling House.

Website // Subscribe // Advertise // Twitter // Facebook // Google+

from mix1 http://ift.tt/2tE8RgK via with this info