#this world is filled with love peace & a little music ; modern verse

[needlenxggin]

@rathalascendant modern verse sillies be upon ye

"Surprise! You told us we could drop by anytime and I wanted to... plus I had some extra cash on hand soo..." He let that sentence trail off before grinning widely at her. "I'm your problem now you have to put up with me for a week." Vash had wanted to take a little vacation for a while now and he figured why not take said vacation where Mari was?

"I got you some of those snacks you liked from back home before I left!"

[sinfulnxggin]

@firedesired asked: [ FRENCH KISS ] + [ WALL ] (okay last one for now xoxo) / 𝐓𝐇𝐄  𝐃𝐈𝐑𝐓𝐘  𝐊𝐈𝐍𝐃  𝐎𝐅  𝐓𝐄𝐀𝐒𝐈𝐍𝐆 [ FRENCH KISS ] ― your muse kisses my muse with tongue. [ WALL ] ― your muse pins my muse against the closest wall.

The two had barely made it two steps inside when Vash felt his back shoved hard into the wall and Kimiko's lips shoved equally as hard into his own her arms around his neck and her nails digging ever so slightly into his back.

The two had spent all day working on a music project together and there had been some playful teasing and brief touches here and there as they worked. It started out as just that at first but it slowly snowballed into something more needy and hungry and the two decided to call it quits for today and opted to head back to Vash's home as it was closer.

His arms hooked tightly around her waist as his tongue wrestled with her own one hand leaving her waist to rest on the back of her head to keep her lips locked with his own and the other hand slid a little lower grabbing a handful of her ass.

[asweetprologue]

Nili’s Benchmark Geraskier Fic Rec List

hey yall! I officially hit 750 followers (a few days ago, I blew past the benchmark without even realizing!), which is... insane. I truly can’t believe that so many people over the last year have enjoyed my presence in this fandom enough to continue to follow my work. you guys are so great and I love you all so much, so I decided to put together a gift for you!

this is a list of my favorite geraskier fics from the fandom, which I have been putting together over the last year or so. a few of these are big in the fandom, but a lot of them are smaller pieces that I feel deserve more attention! I have provided ao3 and tumblr links where I could find them, as well as ratings and summaries. Most of these are canon!verse because I’m not personally a big fan of modern au’s, but there will be a few of those scattered throughout as well. I’ve divided the fics into two sections: oneshots and multichapter. See the list below the cut!

Being in this fandom truly has gotten me through the pandemic in a big way and I have made so many good friends while here. thank you all for validating my weird obsession with these characters and enabling me in these trying times <3

Oneshots

all that was good, all that was fair (all that was me is gone) | M | 7517 | WARNING: Graphic Depictions Of Violence | @xdandelionxbloomx

Somewhere, deep in a forest, a man drags himself from his grave by sheer power of will. He lies gasping on the forest floor and does not know who or what he is. The world is wide and wonderful, though, and there is so much to see.

Or, Jaskier is so stubborn that he literally comes back from the dead.

Another fascinating addition to the mythology of the Witcher. Jaskier’s slow rediscovery of himself is so well done here. One I’ve come back to again and again. 

As Fast As Love Can Go | T | 9628 | @bygodstillam

There are Faeries in the Wood.

That's what everyone said, at least, not that there was any solid proof. Jaskier had tried, more than once, to find some. Just a hint somewhere, of a real story, of real magic. But all anyone seemed to have was stories.

Jaskier was determined to find proof. He wasn't expecting to find a witcher in the process.

Fascinating fic with some really interesting worldbuilding, and a fresh new take on True Love’s Kiss. Also with some great art by @hehearse!

beautiful, he stirs up still things | T | 2575 | @alittlebitmaybe

“You’re not asking me to dance,” says Geralt.

Jaskier turns his palm up on his knee, offering it. “I think you’ll find I am.”

Just them dancing. This is a lovely sort of pre-relationship dynamic. So soft.

Dialogue Prompt | NR | 2932 | @reinvent-and-believe

Dialogue Prompt 48: “You make me want things I can’t have.” Wordless I-love-you 50: buying them a special treat when you go out shopping

Geralt gets Jaskier a gift, which prompts some confessions.

Even a small love | E | 22,272 | WARNING: Rape/Non-Con 

“Well,” Jaskier replies distractedly. “Lots of things want to strangle you.”

“You don’t.”

It isn’t a particularly troublesome accusation, or even necessarily an accusation at all.

This is one I read early on in the fandom, and it really stuck with me. The dynamic between Jaskier and Geralt is perfect, and the misunderstandings between them feel so realistic. The non-con is not extreme, but do mind the warnings. 

For the Space of a Heartbeat | T | 2021 | @drowningbydegrees

As it turns out, falling into bed with your very best friend who you are privately very much in love with isn't nearly so nerve wracking as waking up with them the morning after.

Just sweet, morning after discussions. I love to see them talking for once.

Greensleeves | T | 10,414 | @rebrandedbard

When Geralt crosses paths with Jaskier in the spring, the world is dressed in green. Quite literally. Everyone everywhere is wearing green, and it all comes down to a song Jaskier has written that, to his mortification, has become popular throughout the Continent. It's torment, being forced to preform the song over and over again and have his heart broken anew. But who is this Lady Greensleeves the people say Jaskier is so maddeningly, heartbrokenly in love with? At the baron's wedding party, Geralt is determined to find out.

This is one of my personal faves - there’s just something about Jaskier’s feelings being put on blast while Geralt remains totally oblivious that I think is so very them. And the resolution at the end is delightful.

I Don’t Wanna Fall (If It’s Not In Love) | E | 13,902 | @writinglizards

The first time it's out of desperation. Things get rapidly out of hand from there.

OR the building of a relationship through mutual wank sessions.

I love everything Ashley writes, but this one was the first fic I read by her and it still has a warm place in my heart. I also highly recommend It’s Been A While (makes me cry every time) and Tell Me Honestly

Like a Storm, Like a Flood | T | 1065 | @valdomarx

Jaskier is leaving for the winter, and Geralt can't bear the thought of not seeing him for months.

It was soooo hard to pick only one fic by George, but this one is so soft and sweet and yearning I just had to go with it. This is really just about Geralt finally hitting a breaking point and saying enough is enough.

one flesh | E | 10,763 | WARNING: MCD 

“Well, then. I’m a ghost.” Jaskier spread his arms grandly. Geralt held his gaze for a moment, then dropped his head and laughed. Jaskier put his hands on his hips. “Do fill me in on what’s so funny.” It wasn’t funny. It was just so - ridiculous, the things Geralt’s fucked up brain would invent. This had to be the last nail in the sanity coffin, it just had to be.

Or: Jaskier is a ghost, and Geralt is a mess.

Jaskier dies and comes back as a ghost to haunt Geralt into taking care of himself. Geralt does not handle this gracefully. This fic is so sad and heartbreaking, but the ending is so sweet.

to render it transparent | E | 23,901

Geralt wakes up warm, peaceful, and utterly content, which is how he knows that something is severely wrong.

Sigh. This fic. This is a time travel fic - Geralt ends up in the future living with Jaskier on the coast, just after the mountain. It’s slow and beautiful and extremely bittersweet, all about how we choose to love people despite how much it can hurt us.

With All the Continent A Stage | M | 4745 | @greyduckgreygoose

Later, Geralt learned that the play was four hours long. Four hours long. It didn’t feel like it. Most of it passed by in a fever dream of ominous music, dance-fighting and dryads in gossamer leaves, swinging from hoops attached to the ceiling. Yennefer made an appearance, played by Priscilla in a glittering negligee. She sang a song to Geralt about putting him “Under Her Spell”, and they had a sensual dance number which was made a little strange by a sickened Jaskier (played by Jaskier) coughing loudly in the background.

(Jaskier invites Geralt to a musical production inspired by his own life.)

Jaskier basically writes Geralt a love letter in the form of a four hour long play. Geralt is an idiot about it.

Multi-Chapter Fics

A Lover’s Lament | M | 25,364 | @somedrunkpirate

So,” Jaskier begins, as casually as he can, “you are telling me, that in theory, if I were to be in love with someone — anyone — that person could well be in terrible danger?”

Of all terrible and ridiculous things that have threatened Geralt’s safety, Jaskier’d never thought that loving him might be what will get him killed.

I honestly can’t count the number of times I’ve read this fic. The monster is so interesting, and the mythos of it fits seamlessly into the world of the Witcher in my mind. Jaskier being so afraid that his feelings are going to put Geralt at risk, clearly unable to see that Geralt is going through the exact same thing. I think about the scene with them looking at each other almost daily. 

A Pair of Gloves, the Scent of Roses | M | 24,134 | WARNING: Graphic Depictions of Violence

In the bustling days before the Midsummer festival, Geralt is sent into the countryside to deal with a monster - with Jaskier once again by his side. But the bard has not forgiven him, and while he's not hiding his contempt for the Witcher, he is recalcitrant about revealing his true motives for joining him. As the hunt turns into a desperate mission to save an innocent man and the monster is not what is seems to be, Geralt learns a few new things about his old friend and decides to finally attempt to mend the rift between them...

This is one of my favorite’s in the fandom - it feels so believable, the world is so rich and the oc’s are convincing and charming. Geralt and Jaskier feel so honest here, stumbling around each other but still drawn together. Beautiful beautiful beautiful

Bearing the will of the flower | NR | 11,449 

The way Jaskier sees it, his hobby of following a witcher around was always pretty likely to get him killed.

The fact that it's happening now because the witcher in question doesn't love him, he thinks as he coughs up crumpled flowers, hardly makes a difference.

My favorite hanahaki fic in the fandom. I’m such a sucker for these, and these two idiots being so incapable of talking about their feelings really makes them prime candidates. 

Food of Love | T | 22,488 | @wallatile-qvibbler

I brought a dead princess back to life through the power of song is the kind of thing that would have got an eyebrow raise even from the stone-faced Geralt of Rivia, so it's a good thing he and Geralt will probably never see each other again.

(or: the one where Jaskier channels magic through his songs, and it almost never goes as expected.)

This is a Jaskier and Renfri centric fic, which wasn’t something I knew I wanted until I read this. Jaskier is a bard which in this AU comes with magical powers, but it feels so well integrated into the universe that I wish it was just... how the Witcher is. Renfri is so good here, and even though Jaskier and Geralt barely even interact you can feel the tension and love between them. Cannot recommend highly enough.

friends and allies of the witcher | T | 10,312 | @theamazingbard

Yennefer crawls over to her newest cellmate. They’re curled up on their side. Breathing, but only just. She’s not sure what she’s hoping for when she turns them over. Still isn’t when she sees that it is indeed Jaskier.

“Shit."

Yennefer and Jaskier each suffer in more ways than one at the hands of Nilfgaard.

Yennefer and Jaskier get capture by Nilfgaard and tossed into a cell together. Exactly what I want out of season 2 honestly. Their interactions are gold.

I’d Be the Choiceless Hope | E | 45,188 | WARNING: Rape/Non-Con | @lesdemonium

As a baby, Jaskier was visited by a fae, who gifted Jaskier's mother with Jaskier's obedience. As Jaskier grew older, the "gift" became more of a curse.

You know I’m not gonna make a rec list without listing Zoe’s Ella Enchanted au. Need I say more?

Silver and Copper | M | 56,139 | WARNING: Graphic Depictions of Violence | @kaer-cuan

Geralt is just supposed to pass through the quiet Lettenhove area. He's not anticipating being begged by its people to help save their viscount from a curse that keeps him from daylight. Lord Jaskier, they call him, and he's likely dying.

As Geralt struggles to untangle the ugly web of history that has lead to the increasingly complicated curse, he finds himself spending more and more time with the strange young viscount and wondering just what he might have been before the curse, and who he might be after. But things are not always as they seem, and as the curse tightens its grip on Jaskier, Geralt is forced to face the fear of failing yet another person whose choices were stolen from them.

Or-

Jaskier is kept from becoming a bard. Geralt finds him anyway.

This is a fic that haunts me. It’s very scary in parts, and mind the tags - there are some very heavy themes here. But it’s beautiful and touching, and Jaskier feels very true to himself even though his origin is so different.

we could be married (and then we'd be happy) | E | 50,222 | @a-kind-of-merry-war

Jaskier reached into his pocket, fingers grasping around the little box. He pulled it out with what he hoped was a romantic flourish, flipping it open to reveal the simple gold band inside. “Geralt,” he said, confidently, cooly, like this wasn’t terrifying, “Will you marry me?”

Geralt and Jaskier fake marriage proposals to get free deserts and shit but it goes tits up when Vesemir catches them in the act. Not knowing how to fess up, they go along with it for a while, which is hell because they’re both pining like mad. As I said, I don’t love modern au’s, but it’s merry so of course this one had to end up on my list.

~

And that’s it! 20 fics for you, and hopefully you can all find one or two you haven’t read before. There are a lot of people and fics that I didn’t include in this list only because I was trying to not put a million down (which I could). I highly recommend anything by @wherethewordsare, @julek, @contemplativepancakes, @witcher-and-his-bard, and @inber, as well as those linked to fics above, and I’m sure there are others I forgot to mention. Yall have truly made being in this fandom worthwhile <3

[ugh-againwiththenames]

A Musical Social Experiment...Destiel.

Alright, so I thought to myself, while playing along with @thenightwemetnatural​‘s Destiel song picks, that despite my musical tastes, and them tending typically (although not exclusively) towards the Metal genres, that EVERY song can in some way, be paralleled to Destiel. This is such a ridiculous experiment, and I apologize, but I’m at the cottage, and it’s fucking pouring with rain, so let’s play…

Here are the rules: take your Music library and throw it on Shuffle – every song that comes on for an hour(ish), connect it to Destiel...(below the cut for my results).

You can access the playlist here (if you have any interest in listening along!). I am not going to necessarily describe every possible connection - I think that a lot of them are SUPER obvious...like *eyes rolling out of my head* obvious...

In the End – Black Veil Brides – Well we’re off to a hell of a start, as this song from start to finish screams Destiel and sacrifice. In the end As my soul's laid to rest What is left of my body Or am I just a shell? And I have fought And with flesh and blood I commanded an army Through it all I have given my heart for a moment of glory Who will remember this last goodbye 'Cause it's the end and I'm not afraid I'm not afraid to die A Modern Way - The Exies – only on song 2, and it’s once again, really hard to cut out any of this song, as the repeating “I’m bound by my insecurities” SCREAMS Dean at me.

I’m Bound by my insecurities

Open your eyes and Throw your arms around me I need the right not to fight To breathe

Swallow the lies I'm the one to blame Having no voice left to choose Am i so blind, feeling justified When i'm alone and confused

Brother – NEEDTOBREATHE – I have to laugh…as I added this after watching Jensen sing this at a Con (for J*red), and no lie, I’m in LOVE with it, but it’s somehow now determinably connected to the brothers for me but I can/WILL draw the lines here…EASY.

Everybody needs someone beside em’ shining like a lighthouse from the sea Face down in the desert now there’s a cage locked around my heart I found a way to drop the keys where my failures were Now my hands can’t reach that far I ain’t made for a rivalry I could never take the world alone I know that in my weakness I am strong, but It’s your love that brings me home Summoners Rift – Dangerkids – Um. Well. The first line of this song just made me laugh out loud.

There's no room for martyrs in a dying scene Well I'm not quite dead I'm something in between

And if I had another chance I would tell you

I guess I'm not afraid of what comes after We are the only ones We stand alone in the dark

Question everything you blindly follow Truth's a bitter pill, it's hard to swallow You think you're winning but your time is borrowed We are the only ones We stand alone in the dark

Royal Beggars - Architects - I mean…the repetition of my sentiments is going to get a bit silly…so i will not. read on...

All hope is dead, but we're coping

Somebody save our souls

Like a bird in a cage, trying to fly away Is this the price that we have to pay? Overflowing with rage, yet we still obey 'Cause we're asleep in a hurricane

We sit on a throne, waiting for God to bend the knee But we're nothing more than royal beggars

Edge of your Bed - Thousand Below - “why’d you have to go and keep calling out my name” Calling out my name” pure purgatory “where’s the ANGEL” “I prayed to you Cas, Every night” The rest of the next verse is also poignant, very Dean again “where I can only feel peace when the wave hits”, “and I’ve become what I thought was wrong, I love the feeling when it feels too strong”.  

Why'd you have to go and keep calling out my name? Calling out my name

I found sorrow at the edge of your bed

Is it now a bad habit? Where I can only feel peace when the wave hits And I've become what I thought was wrong I love the feeling when it feels too strong

Animals – Siamese - “It takes a killer that thinks he’s a saint, it takes believing to be this insane” – well. yes. ok. 

Shattered not broken We stand our feet Houses rebuild on These bloody streets I fill my lungs into this beat With closed eyes we're hoping for remedy

It takes a killer That thinks he's a saint It takes believing To be this insane

Spineless Crow - Hands Like Houses

We were young together but I've grown ancient Cracked and weathered and filled with regret Waiting to sink, rushing to sink in my sleep

The realization sinks in through the skin Like a disease, a blight inside of me Missing your touch, your weight on my fingers

My Underworld - Tonight Alive

Now we sail into deep blue storm clouds Overhead now, strangely I feel at peace as I dive into My underworld, world I dive into my underworld, world Down in these depths I'm adding up the numbers Of all I've suffered in past lives, tied down in the darkness Finally I begin to learn what I've returned tonight Time has come to begin again, leave something else behind

Ever After - Marianas Trench - All this talk of being someone’s disaster – Welp! Hello!

Don't you move Can't you stay where you are, just for now I could be your perfect disaster You could be my ever after

Apologies, I'm not myself but I can guarantee That when I get back, you won't believe That you knew me well Don't want to think about it

I'm fuckin' tired of getting sick about it Now stand back up and be a man about it And fight for something, fight for something, fight for something Nobody told ya this is gonna fold ya We go marching in like toy soldiers To have and hold ya over sold ya They’re marching like toy soldiers I'll be your disaster, ever after So fire away Goodbye

Room 138 - Asking Alexandria - While this song is clearly actually about an overdose of some kind, it’s parallels shockingly well to the post confession scene.   So these are the walls that have to hold this moment Somebody hear me, someone open up the door Get me up off of this floor and stop the shaking, the shaking Through the haze I saw a face A second chance, another life to live How did you forgive me? Held my head against your chest Told me everything's alright, don't be afraid Close your eyes and rest

Witness – Daughtry

Does it feel like you're just wasting time Here without a reason or a rhyme The answer you've been looking for Is standing right before your weary eyes And if the weight of the world is on you now But you know you can turn it all around again How Many Walls - Rise Against  - Guys, seriously, I’m not even going there...How many years have we wasted….how many walls can you put up? How many guns til you feel safe? This is a song about war – this is Rise Against, this is purely political and somehow can STILL be pulled together with Destiel.

 How many walls can you put up?

How many guns 'til you feel safe? How many times can we watch this story Over and over and over again? And how many years have we wasted Counting the lies that we've been fed? For something to change we have waited Over and over and over again Pray – Picturesque - Nope. Don’t even need a description here. Once again this is FAR TOO OBVIOUS!

I should pray a little more and think a little less The devils in my head and he won't let me rest Everyday just like the last since you up and left I should pray a little more, I shouldn't pray for death I Knew You Were Trouble – We Came as Romans (Swift Cover) - SwiftNatural is a thing for a reason… 

It's like a kaleidoscope of memories. It just all comes back. But he never does. I knew his world moved too fast and burned too bright. But I just thought, how can the devil be pulling you toward someone who looks so much like an angel

I think that the worst part of it all wasn't losing him. It was losing me. Once upon a time, a few mistakes ago I was in your sights, you got me alone You found me

I knew you were trouble when you walked in (you were right there, you were right there) So shame on me now Flew me to places I'd never been Now I'm lying on the cold hard ground Texas Is Forever - Pierce the Veil – lack of communication anyone? I don’t know, do we know anyone like that? If anything should happen to me I want you to know, I’ve loved you since ever…

Here we are If anything should happen to me I want you to know I've loved you since ever since then Don't dance around me I know what it means No communication, cannot be received But I'm such a sucker for the rain, yeah Oh, here we are Butterfly - Wearing Scars – the Butterfly/Angel parallel alone…go with it.

Seems we're alone We're fixated Just waiting for something As time goes by And when we're way up high We'll look back down with different eyes Let's take our time Awake this life So spread your wings And take my hand Tonight will be the end

With Grace - The Weight of Atlas

This place looks like hell to me I cast myself into the sea Picked up my conscience and left my disease I don't know, I don't know if I can make it through this storm Keep your eyes shut it will be okay. Will we make it out alive? Will we make it out alive. When all you have is hope I will be your anchor I know that I can let you down But I swear I'll pick up the pieces. And be reborn again I Always Wanted to Leave - The Plot In You

I guess it's a shame I'm so damn destructive And you're so reluctant to mean what you say The way you act so abused The things you confuse You know I always wanted to leave "Hello... You can sing, I'm here And I love you more than anyone or anything With all my heart."

Unsteady - X Ambassadors – just a stay parallel. Don’t leave, don’t let go. If you love me. Don’t let go. #I haz the sads.

Hold on to me 'Cause I'm a little unsteady If you love me Don't let go Bury Me Alive - Normandie – pick a line – ANY LINE!!! 

I guess I'm not going to heaven now I got caught in the chase Now I'm falling from grace But I never stood a chance Could've given me a sign I'd be giving you blind obedience Mantra – Bring Me The Horizon Before the truth will set you free, it will piss you off Before you find a place to be, you're gonna lose the plot Too late to tell you now, one ear and right out the other one 'Cause all you ever do is chant the same old mantra Could I have your attention, please? It's time to tap into your tragedy Think you could use a new abuser Close your eyes and listen carefully Imagine you're stood on a beach Water gently lapping at your feet And now you're sinking, what were you thinking? That's all the time we have this week

Oh Lord - In This Moment – cutting any of this out was actually hard. Cas, my love, are you there?

Oh Lord won't you save me Save me from my soul Oh Lord won't you forgive me For I have lost control Oh Lord won't you tell me Am I the righteous or the damned? Oh Lord won't you please hear me Do I obey or do I command? Oh Lord please forgive me For what I'm about to do Oh Lord won't you believe me I'll burn in hell for you Oh Lord won't you teach me Teach me how to see Oh Lord tell me you love me Am I Lillith or am I Eve?

Bleeding is a Luxury - Atreyu

I’ve talked the talk, I've walked the walk, It's taken ten fucking years, For them to see I don't need their approval. I've paid the piper, I've stayed my course, Lived chomping at the bit. With only blood, sweat, and tears to adhere to- Take it for granted, Forsake the costs, Wear a big, shit-eating grin (with only blood, sweat, and tears to adhere to) Now bear the burden to chase your fate Grind your teeth 'til it fucking hurts So they can see I don't need their approval. Seize the day, Take your beatings, Lead the way, Or decay as you fall down... You fall down.

Would you Still be There - Of Mice & Men – wow, this song in full. All of it. I can’t.

If I could find the words, if I could shake the world, If I could turn back time would you still be there? I can't stop thinking about the way I left you sinking with no escape. Now there's no lifeline, no way to save. But maybe next time I won't throw it all away. Dislocated, I lie awake Suffocating in my mistakes. I lost my halo when I fell from grace, But maybe next time I won't throw it all away. I ask myself everyday... If I could find the words, if I could shake the world, If I could turn back time would you still be there? If I could find the words to say, If I could shake the world to break you down, Then would you still be there?

The Broken - 3 Doors Down 

This is the call to the broken, the broken Take it from me. They don't care if you're lonely. As you can see, They don't care if you're scared. Your heart Is the only friend you have in this whole world. Don't start, Think you can do this yourself. I know what you're thinking. You say you're tired of keeping score, keeping score. Trust me, You're not the only one going through this. You see, I've been through this before, this before.

Wow, I Hate This Song - The Used – this one took a little imagination – hardest one so far – because it really is just about hating a song! So we’re HC’ing the Zepp track that reminds Dean most of Cas, post Empty.

Every time I hear the key I see you in the melody It never was a part of me Heart feels like it's being stabbed Kills me emotionally Dirty Little Secret - Bullet For My Valentine – let’s take this back to – take your pick…Leviathan!Cas, Godstiel, Casifer, any of the times that Cas did the wrong thing for the right reasons…and did not tell his boy. 

There once was a time Where everything was just so perfect Now everything has changed And you've become a total stranger I've seen another side to you I never even knew existed Dirty little secrets, dirty little secrets Giving in to your primal instincts There once was a time When anything I do is for you But everything has changed And I've become a lonely prisoner I'd kill, even die for you You never even tried resisting

Kill Plan - Parabelle

I'm sitting stunned just like a lesson I never learned Made of emotions and mistakes And what you say Leaves me lost and in the way And that's the place you stay Remember silence Now we're painted into corners So we can watch the world get sold out Hold me closer don't let the sun in Hold me closer don't let the sun in Cuz the setting sun feels like a cage Don't let me defend the kill plan

Roman Sky – Avenged Sevenfold – This song only has a few lyrics, but we can definitely make them work.

As the embers rose through the Roman Sky Tell me, were you calm when they took your life? Just before you go, tell us how the heavens flow Weightless evermore, as you walk beyond that door Shine forever true To Those Left Behind – blessthefall – these boys might be my favourite band ever, but these are ANGRY lyrics – these are about betrayal.  This is a relationship gone wrong. I feel these best work with the divorce arc, the Angry Dean that we see, or Dean’s mood after any of the “Cas fucked up again” moments. You found me at my worst When I was far too weak to grow In spite of all my fears And how I may have lost my way Only now I know the truth

Awake and coming clean

If you can't sleep It's your conscience That's eating away At the mess you made So let's end this Sew this last stitch Lift this weight off my chest I'll put you to rest The past should stay dead

How did we find ourselves here? Haunted by our own design With everything that's come to pass Makes it harder to confine

[taste-in-music]

My Favorite Albums of 2019

It’s that time of the year again folks! 2019 was year filled with exciting new releases by some of my all-time favorite artists being dropped left and right at an overwhelming rate. Not only that, there were so many debut full-length projects from artists that had been simmering in the EP zone for years, or had otherwise gotten onto my radar from their shorter efforts in years prior. Needless to say, I found this year to be even more enjoyable and enthralling than last year, and last year was pretty great. I’m going to stop rambling. Like last year’s list, this is in no particular order with the exception of the final album, which is my favorite album of the year. 

Dedicated by Carly Rae Jepsen: Part of me was nervous for this album’s release. How could Queen Carly Rae possibly follow up the modern pop masterpiece that is E•MO•TION? However, my nervousness was sated when I heard the single “Now That I Found You,” which, I’m going to say it, is the best pop song of the year. Hands down, no competition even came close. It slams every single time I put it on. The whole album is a lot of fun to listen to, from the glimmering sugar-rush synths on the opening track “Julian” to the playful Popeye sample on “Everything He Needs.” If for any reason you’re still a Jepsen skeptic stuck on her being the “Call Me Maybe Girl,” give this album and E•MO•TION a try and you will realize just how much she has to offer.

My Top Tracks: Now That I Found You, Party For One, Happy Not Knowing

Heard It In A Past Life by Maggie Rogers: This album dropped in January and it’s safe to say it was my first favorite album of the year. I’d been counting down the days to this since falling in love with Now That The Light Is Fading early last year. I made an entire post reacting to this album, and while some of my thoughts have changed since then, I can still say that this project has an array of great folk-pop songs with excellent vocals and lush production. Classics like “Alaska” are always fun to return to, but the deeper cuts are what really shine on this project. The bounciness of “The Knife” cements it as an essential Summer bop, “Say It” is an achingly relatable and sensually delivered unrequited love song, the fluttering opening chorus of angels on “Retrograde” gives me chills every time, and “Back In My Body” reduces me to an emotional wreck.

My Top Tracks: The Knife, Retrograde, Back In My Body

Sucker Punch by Sigrid: Sometimes you just need to listen to something that will make you happy, and this album offers joy in spades. Sigrid’s vocals range from fleeting and emotional to raspy, but are always charming. The production is vibrant and colorful, from the flurry of strings that open “Sight of You” to the splashy sound effects that pepper “Business Dinners” or that giant, stomping chorus on “Mine Right Now.” The hooks on this album are catchy as ever, crawling their way right into your brain and making a home there in the best kind of way. Sigrid is such a reinvigorating presence in the pop world, and while I do wish that she could have made more of a splash stateside, seeing her European success gives me hope for the future.

My Top Tracks: Sight Of You, In Vain, Don’t Feel Like Crying

Keepsake by Hatchie: If I had heard Hatchie’s debut EP Sugar & Spice last year, I’m sure that it would’ve made it onto my year end list. Thankfully, this year we’ve got an album, so I can continue to gush about Hatchie and give her the notoriety she deserves. Her vocals are filled with genuine, love stricken euphoria as they drift over fluorescent, guitar driven soundscapes. Listening to this album feels like floating away on cotton candy clouds, it’s a sugar rush of dreamy indie rock that will sweep you clean off your feet.

My Top Tracks: Stay With Me, Without A Blush, Her Own Heart

WHEN WE ALL FALL ASLEEP, WHERE DO WE GO? by Billie Eilish: Listen to this thing with a pair of really good headphones and you’ll be in for a whole experience and half, the production is amazing. Not only that, it’s creative. Take the vocal warping on “xanny” and “bad guy,” or the knives scraping along “you should see me in a crown,” or the sample of a dental drill used on “bury a friend.” (The only exception to this is that first track where she takes out her Invisalign. Those slurpy sounds make me cringe every time.) The rest of the albums is pretty great though. Billie Eilish and Finneas O’Connell went and crafted one of the most lyrically tight and sonically textured pop albums this year had to offer, and for that I have nothing but respect.

My Top Tracks: when the party’s over, all the good girls go to hell, bury a friend

Jade Bird by Jade Bird: Jade Bird has been one of my favorite up-and-coming artists of the past year or so, dropping not only the wonderful Something American EP but also a slew of firecracker singles in anticipation for this album. This project contains not only rock bangers that showcase the firepower and grit in Bird’s voice, (“Uh Huh,” “I Get No Joy,” “Love Has All Been Done Before,”) but also softer, somber ballads that allow her lyricism to shine, (“17,” “If I Die.”) This album is a strong debut that showcases not only promise, but prowess as well.

My Top Tracks: Uh Huh, Love Has All Been Done Before, I Get No Joy

Pang by Caroline Polachek: This album transports me to another plane of reality, melding frosty art-pop soundscapes with glistening synths and captivating melodies. Polachek’s vocals are some of the most expressive and impressive of the year, gliding through runs and jumps with ease. Each song feels like its own little world, whether it be the wistful seas of “Ocean of Tears,” the flitting pianos on “Go As a Dream,” or the funky groove of “So Hot You’re Hurting My Feelings,” the most instantly addictive song of the year.

My Top Tracks: So Hot You’re Hurting My Feelings, Hit Me Where It Hurts, Look At Me Now

Cheap Queen by King Princess: Everything about King Princess’s music and aesthetic is so self-assured and cool that I feel slightly unworthy of being in her presence. That doesn’t mean that this album is devoid of relatability, however, as the lyrics still touch on themes of self consciousness, (like on the opening track, “Tough On Myself,”) and the trials and tribulations of relationships, (”Prophet,” “Ain’t Together.”) The production on this album meshes King Princess’s modern feel with vintage flourishes, such as old vocal samples or record crackles, that come together to give the record a sense of timelessness. 

My Top Tracks: Tough On Myself, Cheap Queen, Hit the Back

Cuz I Love You by Lizzo: From the very first note of the very first song of this album, you know that Lizzo is putting in 1000%. Can we just sit back and thank the powers of good for allowing us to be in her presence? We truly don’t deserve her. This album has everything, from empowerment anthems, (”Like A Girl,” “Tempo,”) to heartbroken ballads, (the title track, “Jerome,”) to roof-raising bops, (”Juice,” “Exactly How I Feel.”) Every element of this project, from the vibrant production to the powerful vocals to the lyrics, emulates such a sense of confidence and love that by the end of each listen I have no choice but to stan both Lizzo and myself. 

My Top Tracks: Cuz I Love You, Juice, Jerome

Atlanta Millionaires Club by Faye Webster: This album is one of the most charming listens of the year, I heard the very first line of the very first song and fell head over heels in love. Faye Webster’s tear-stained R&B-infused folk pop walks the line between catchy and melancholic, joyful and melodic, just perfectly. “Kingston” gets my award for dreamiest song of the year, I can’t think of any other song that is able to put me at ease faster. Whether she’s lamenting about her best friend being her dog or letting Father jump on a track to deliver the chillest rap verse ever, she’s got something you’ll love up her sleeve.

My Top Tracks: Kingston, Jonny, Room Temperature

Norman Fucking Rockwell! by Lana Del Rey: As soon as I heard “Mariner’s Apartment Complex” last year, my expectations for this album skyrocketed through the roof. Needless to say, this album didn’t disappoint, and is in my opinion Lana’s strongest work to date. Norman Fucking Rockwell! features some of the most mature and sharp songwriting, beautiful performances, and sweet melodies of her whole career. The title track works like a diss track, as Lana roasts the subject in question with beautiful eloquence. The lilting syllables on the chorus of “Bartender” allow the song to nestle deep in your brain and stay for a while. The atmosphere of the album reminds me of a cool day in early September, driving down the coastline of rural California, and I adore it.

My Top Tracks: Norman fucking Rockwell, Cinnamon Girl, Mariners Apartment Complex

Don’t Feed The Pop Monster by Broods: What a fun and refreshing listen this turned out to be! Whether it’s with a Summery synthpop jam on “Peach,” the 90s-eque grunge of “Old Dog,” or the heartbroken pleading on “Why Do You Believe Me?” Broods always deliver. While the sound of this project is a bit all over the place, that doesn’t mean that it isn’t cohesive, as it is grounded by the creative force that is the Nott siblings. If you’re on the hunt for some pop that’ll keep you on your toes, then this should be right up your alley. (Also, get some good headphones, wrap yourself up in a fuzzy blanket, and really take in “Life After.” You won’t regret it. That song continuously brings me to tears. Just beautiful.)

My Top Tracks: Peach, Sucker, Life After

Practice Magic and Seek Professional Help When Necessary by Tōth: I think I’ve finally found an album that can finally help define as “warlock music.” I stumbled across Tōth due to his involvement in the band Rubblebucket, (whose song “Fruity” made my favorite songs of the year list last year,) and what a hidden gem his music turned out to be. There’s a kind of sweet peacefulness that inhibits this album that always keeps me coming back for another listen. The lyrics follow a painful breakup and the healing process after, and the tone of the music wonderfully matches the fragility of that state of mind. The instrumentals are soft and somber, but also have some unique elements sprinkled in, (take the trumpet solo on “No Reason” or the clip-clopping groove on “Copilot.) If you need an album to put on to just unwind, give this one a try, I really love it.  

My Top Tracks: Copilot, No Reason, Picture Of You

Good At Falling by The Japanese House: Let’s contextualize my love for this project. When I heard the single “Follow My Girl” last year, it literally made my jaw drop with its beauty. Now, it’s not even my favorite song from this album. The plucky guitars on “You Seemed so Happy” gets me smiling from the very first chord, and the rhythmic rush that follows each chorus in “Wild” makes my heart skitter. Amber Bain’s vocals are coated in their signature layer of slick vocoding, allowing them to drift over the icy soundscapes with ease. Just lovely.  

My Top Tracks: Follow My Girl, We Talk All The Time, You Seemed so Happy

LÉON by LÉON: And here we have it folks, my favorite album of the year. After years of only releasing EPs, LÉON finally delivered her first full-length project, and it did not disappoint in the slightest. This album’s got it all, both the ever-bouncy bops and the heartbroken ballads that make me miss a relationship that isn’t even mine. LÉON's vocals are as warm and smoky as ever, the melodies are instantly catchy, and the lyrics are to-the-point yet endlessly effective. “Hope Is A Heartache” discusses working through possessive feelings following a breakup, and hits like a gut punch every time. Her voice shines on the “Cruel To Care” voice memo, where she sings in one take over a simple plucked guitar. Other favorite moments include the airy, vocoded “Pink,” (an excellent unrequited love song that tunes into my clownery,) and the doo-wop “ooh-woo”-ing add-libs on “Baby Don’t Talk.” 

My Top Tracks: Baby Don’t Talk, Falling, Pink

Also, if Saved by Now, Now had come out this year it would be #1 on this list. 

What were your favorite albums of 2019? Did you listen to any of these albums? Leave your recommendations and thoughts down below.

[ravinewreyn]

HELSAWEEK 2020 DAY 2: MODERN

Fandom: Frozen - Actor/Actress Verse Pairing: Hans/Elsa Rating: T Word Count: 2.9K Note: No angst, just darlings loving each other

It had never occurred to her that starring at one movie could change her life so much.

And while, yes, the movie was a complete blockbuster, one would even say that it had become some sort of a new culture where most of people in the world had known and grown to love the movie, not a day was passed without children singing what people had called ‘the biggest hit song for a movie’ -that coincidentally was sung by her, it was not exactly what she had been referring to. Yes, the movie had made her name known throughout the world, everyone who heard of her name would instantly connected her to the movie and the song, and for her it had meant for more cast offers and working with various amazing directors, but it was all career-wise.

No, what she had meant was her private life.

Working for months with her co-stars had certainly made them all grew closer together, with a bond that was close to being a family even. Often they would spend their time after filming to get something to eat at some fast-food restaurant, laughing and joking as they lightly discussed what had occurred during the day before each one of them had gone off their separated ways to get the rest they needed before their next shoot.

For Elsa, who had lived all by herself ever since she moved to the big city to pursue her career in acting, it was truly a moment that she cherished most during filming. Even for someone who liked the peace and quiet compared to parties and all, it was rather lonely to go back to her apartment right after she had wrapped the day’s shoot. So, she was grateful to have her co-stars.

It had been years since the movie was released to the theaters all across the globe, the hard work that the cast and crew had done, the beautiful Norway scenery and the music that was created for the soundtrack, all had finally been able to be shared to the world. People moved on, and even when they no longer had to work together, the five co-stars still kept themselves in touch.

So, it was not all that surprising when the familiar name had popped up as the caller’s ID as her phone rung, the picture of the two of them that they had taken during coffee break filling the phone’s screen as she slid the green button up to accept it.

“Hi Anna,” her on-screen younger sister lived at the other side of the city, and sometimes when they both had a free time among their schedule, they would make an appointment for coffee, just to catch up with each other’s lives.

“Hi Elsa,” the strawberry-blonde haired woman’s voice could be heard from the other end of the phone call, and she could faintly hear the blaring speakers in the background. So, she was probably at home, listening to music as she went about her day. “Are you busy?”

Tugging against the doorknob as quietly as she could, she listened to the ‘click’ of it before she moved to walk down the short hallway of her house. “No, not really. What’s up?”

“Nothing, actually. It’s just… after the news, I have the urge to call you, for some reason.”

The corners of her lips tugged into a smile. Of course, she had received the phone call as well, bearing the news that, at first, she could not believe was true. “Yeah, five years and it’s actually happening, huh?”

Anna hummed in agreement. “I remembered when we joked about it, years ago.”

A possible sequel to the movie that had brought them together. Fans had tirelessly questioned them about it, being the two leading ladies that always appeared during interviews and tours, even when the movie had just been released. And the questions had not been limited to press conferences either, the internet was basically flooding with it, along with articles, fan theories, videos, anything and everything really. It was crazy.

And now it was actually happening.

“How’s Hans, by the way?”

That one male co-star of hers. On-screen, their characters were not exactly on good terms, he was the surprise villain after all -even she did not see it coming until she had read the script, but off-screen he was such a sweetheart. He lived closer to her, so she had hung out with him the most compared to the other casts, and to top it all he often drove her home from set during their work together.

They had hit it off rather nicely, in fact.

“Oh, he’s fine, he’s taking it quite well, better than I was, actually.” They were making a sequel, yes, but despite the fact that he was one of the main casts of the previous movie, his character was not included in the next one. She had been rather vocal about it, considering the fact that they did once had discussed of one of the possible plots being his character’s redemption, but apparently the writers had scratched the idea out.

Hans had shrugged it off.

There was a faint beeping sound coming from Anna’s line, and she almost thought she had imagined it, but the strawberry-blonde haired woman’s groan that soon come had proven her that it was truly her alarm. “I have to go.” She grumbled, as the music in the background was turned off. “See you when I see you next?”

Chuckling, as Anna’s method of goodbye was always somewhat amusing -the young woman was well aware of that and had actually did it on purpose just to make her laugh, Elsa had smiled once more. “See you when I see you. Miss you already, sis.”

She couldn’t see it, but she just knew that Anna had grinned before the line had been cut off. A phone call from her dear friend was able to make her heart full with warmth as she slipped her phone into the pocket of her pants, continuing her way toward the master bedroom at the end of the hall.

“Let me guess, it was Anna, wasn’t it?”

The auburn-haired man was already sitting on the bed, clad in his night clothing of grey shirt and cotton pants, reading from a book that he had taken from the bookshelf downstairs, and had only looked up when she had entered the room, green eyes following her as she made her way to the bathroom.

“Of course, it was.” She confirmed, unbuttoning her blouse in front of the mirror, taking a note of the small stain that had somehow managed to find way onto the fabric with a scowl. She would have to make sure she got it off when she did laundry later. “She’s calling me about the sequel project.” Hearing his hum from the other room, she had plopped her head out from the doorway, looking at him. “You know, I’m still a little pissed about them not including you.”

The man had returned to his book when she moved to undress, and had not bothered to look up when she had spoken. “And I’ve told you, darling, it’s fine. Even in the first movie, my character was just kind of there. Besides, maybe the final story would suit the market better.”

“I still strongly believe that your character deserves his redemption.” It was interesting to be put in the movie, not many studios had been able to pull it off, and she had once thought this one can but—

“I’m pleased to see the Snow Queen is thinking about the neighboring traitorous Prince.” Hans grinned, setting his book down when he had finally noticed the state of the clothes she was in; unbuttoned blouse revealing her simple black bra and her toned fair stomach, paired with her ripped jeans and unruly platinum blonde hair.

“Don’t start.” Her roll of eyes had been nothing but out of amusement as she sauntered toward the bed, suddenly her mean of changing into her own night clothes were temporarily abandoned as she sat at the edge of the bed close to him.

“It’s just quite funny,” Hans’ hand had found it’s way on her cheek, thumb running over the high of her cheek. “That people paired our characters together without knowing-”

“-that we’re actually together in real life?” Both she and Hans much preferred it to keep their own private lives as it was, private. When people found them together on the street, they had passed it off as two friends hanging together -and in her defense when they had started to suspect they were still just friends, and slowly the media had grown bored of trying to ‘dig out the truth’ from them and had left them alone when they had actually started dating. It never failed to amuse her to this day.

And despite the fame that had come from starring in the first movie, she had been laying low from the media for some time. This next movie would be her debut back in her acting career.

“You’re still coming with me to Norway, right?”

Hans nodded, hand had left her face to hold against her own, bringing it up to his lips until he could kiss her knuckles. “I’ll follow you to wherever you go.”

One of the beauties of the movie was where it was set and shoot, far across the North Atlantic Ocean, in her home country, actually. She could have stayed in her parents’ house when they had shoot the first movie, but since it was right at the heart of Norway, in Oslo, it was too far from the place of the shoot for her liking, as she would rather take her time to rest than spending at least three hours of driving each morning and each night. That was why she had opted in staying at a local apartment, just like the rest of cast.

Leaning forward, she had pressed her lips against his in a light kiss, just as she rose back onto her feet. “Okay, good. Now I really need to get out of these jeans.” And into something far more comfortable for her to sleep in after a long day.

Hans’ eyes had actually lit up at that, as he watched her returning into the bathroom. “I’m more than happy to assist, you know.”

“Shut up.”

--

She packed everything, right?

Norway had always been so beautiful for her. She took pride in calling it her home and have it being the main set of a movie that was so beloved by everyone, she loved how the crew would come up to her to ask if what they put in the movie -the costumes and decorations as well as the rosemalings and the cultures, was appropriately placed. They honored her homeland like that.

To come back, after years of being up states, was exhilarating.

She still didn’t stay at her parents’ house as it was still too far away from the location, but at least she could visit during break, spend some time with them and catch up, and watching Hans fitting perfectly with her family was also heartwarming. He had been introduced to her Norway culture the moment they had become much more serious in their relationship, and now it almost felt like he had been born in the country just like she.

Speaking of Hans, months ago they had gotten a much larger apartment that would suit their need better compared to the small studio one they used to have when they were both still single, as now they do require the extra space.

“Yes, babe, you’ve packed everything.” Hans chuckled, after seeing how uneasy she was in the passenger seat of their car -the one they had bought and deliberately kept at their apartment in Norway, one hand resting against her knee after she had asked the same question for the third time during their drive. “Stop worrying.”

“It’s just that I’ve never done this before,” neither of them had, so they were basically blanking on what to expect on set. “And I’m just nervous. What if we forgot something? What if we need something and we didn’t pack it?”

“It’s fine. I can do a quick drive to the store if we need anything.”

That did soothe her a little, enough to stop her from asking the same question until they had arrived at the outdoor shoot location. Hans had drove the car smoothly, even over the bumps on the road, and had found the perfect parking location not too far from the small town that they would use for the kingdom scene.

“You go ahead, I’ll catch up.”

Nodding, she had exited the car first, making her way toward where the crew had gathered, eyes scanning through the crowd but unable to find any of her coworkers.

“Elsa!” the familiar voice calling for her had made her head turned, smiling as she waved at the director that had approached her from one of the tents. “Oh, it’s so good to see you!”

“Hi Jen, it’s good to see you too.” Unlike with her coworkers, she hadn’t really kept in contact with the director, not that they were not in good terms, but both had their own different works that did not exactly allow coffee dates anyway. Of course, they had met during the first reading of the script, but it just felt different when they were about to shoot, as they would combine wearing the costumes with actual acting for the movie.

“So early, like always.” It always pleased the director, to see her arriving before any other, though that did not mean that the others were running late. “Did you drive here yourself?”

“Uh no, actually.” Looking over her shoulder, her blue eyes were quick to spot the auburn-haired man making his way toward the two blondes, waving him to come. “Hans is with me.”

The frown on Jen’s face was unavoidable, eyes narrowing as she looked over the man who stood by the platinum blonde haired woman, one arm wrapping around her waist. “Wait, why are you here?” she couldn’t exactly blame her for asking such question, since she had not told her anything about Hans coming either, thinking that it would be a nice little surprise.

“He insisted in accompanying me, hope you don’t mind.”

And she didn’t even get the chance in getting an answer, as the director had noticed the large bag on Hans’ back, as well as the precious cargo he carried with one hand.

“Is that a--”

“Baby!”

Three heads turned toward the newcomer, seeing Anna coming with quick steps toward them, one hand holding up a cup of steaming hot coffee that she no doubted had gotten on her way to the set. She had set the cup on a nearby table, near one of the laptops that earned her a glare from the crew, though she had ignored him completely as she came to kneel by the carrier, already cooing as careful hands lifted up the three month old baby boy with delight.

“You two had a baby?!”

“A son, yes.” The nervous laughter that came from her was accompanied with her hand coming to scratch the back of her neck as she looked at the disbelieved woman. “His name is Wilhelm.”

“And none of you thought of telling me beforehand?”

“I mean, I thought you would have figure it out.” Anna, who had rose back to her feet, shrugged, as she cuddled the baby close to her chest, bundling him with her equally warm clothing. “With Elsa laying low for a year or so.”

She had moved to Norway during her pregnancy, as she really did not wish to be swarmed with press and paparazzi following her wherever she went when all she wanted was to enjoy and prepare for the new chapter of her life. Hans had to travel back and forth between America and Norway, as he had a few movie projects he starred in but still wished to spend as much time as he could with his own little family. It was nice, living a life that did not require her to hide her face as much when she walked down the streets to buy groceries. Some people may have recognized her, but as the country was known to be quite cold, she could wear thick jackets to hide her growing belly.

“I thought you need a break.”

“It is a break. Maternity break.”

Jen had glared at her answer, arms crossed over her chest, whether to shield herself away from the cold or because she had just discovered the main star of her movie was a mother she couldn’t really tell, but she did step forward, peering into Anna’s arms at the babe sound asleep in her embrace. “He is cute though.” She admitted, and just by the look that she had, Elsa could tell that already her son was stealing people’s hearts once again. “I still can’t believe none of you told me about him sooner.”

“Ah, well, here he is now.” Ready to see his Mama in action, wearing regal dresses and wielding the magic of special effects of a hopefully billion dollars grossing movie, if it met with the same excitement that it’s first movie that received.  “Now, let’s make that sequel happen.”

[ofbloodandfaith]

Day 22 of 30 Days of Hera

A quote, a poem, or piece of writing that you think this deity resonates strongly with

There is, of course, the hymns to Hera both Homeric and Orphic

I) THE HOMERIC HYMNS

Homeric Hymn 12 to Hera (trans. Evelyn-White) (Greek epic C7th to 4th B.C.) : "I sing of golden-throned Hera whom Rhea bare. Queen of the Immortals is she, surpassing all in beauty: she is the sister and wife of loud-thundering Zeus,--the glorious one whom all the blessed throughout high Olympos reverence and honour even as Zeus who delights in thunder."

II) THE ORPHIC HYMNS

Orphic Hymn 16 to Hera (trans. Taylor) (Greek hymns C3rd B.C. to 2nd A.D.) : "O royal Hera, of majestic mien, aerial-formed, divine, Zeus' blessed queen, throned in the bosom of cerulean air, the race of mortals is thy constant care. The cooling gales they power alone inspires, which nourish life, which every life desires. Mother of showers and winds, from thee alone, producing all things, mortal life is known: all natures share thy temperament divine, and universal sway alone is thine, with sounding blasts of wind, the swelling sea and rolling rivers roar when shook by thee. Come, blessed Goddess, famed almighty queen, with aspect kind, rejoicing and serene."

There are also more modern poems that I find reminds me of Hera

Still I Rise by  Maya Angelou - 1928-2014

You may write me down in history

With your bitter, twisted lies,

You may trod me in the very dirt But still, like dust, I’ll rise.

Does my sassiness upset you? Why are you beset with gloom? ’Cause I walk like I’ve got oil wells Pumping in my living room. Just like moons and like suns, With the certainty of tides, Just like hopes springing high, Still I’ll rise.

Did you want to see me broken? Bowed head and lowered eyes? Shoulders falling down like teardrops, Weakened by my soulful cries?

Does my haughtiness offend you? Don’t you take it awful hard ’Cause I laugh like I’ve got gold mines Diggin’ in my own backyard.

You may shoot me with your words, You may cut me with your eyes, You may kill me with your hatefulness, But still, like air, I’ll rise.

Does my sexiness upset you? Does it come as a surprise That I dance like I’ve got diamonds At the meeting of my thighs?

Out of the huts of history’s shame I rise Up from a past that’s rooted in pain I rise I’m a black ocean, leaping and wide, Welling and swelling I bear in the tide.

Leaving behind nights of terror and fear I rise Into a daybreak that’s wondrously clear I rise Bringing the gifts that my ancestors gave, I am the dream and the hope of the slave. I rise I rise I rise.

Little Red Cap by Carol Anne Duffy

At childhood’s end, the houses petered out

into playing fields, the factory, allotments

kept, like mistresses, by kneeling married men,

the silent railway line, the hermit’s caravan,

till you came at last to the edge of the woods.

It was there that I first clapped eyes on the wolf.

He stood in a clearing, reading his verse out loud

in his wolfy drawl, a paperback in his hairy paw,

red wine staining his bearded jaw. What big ears

he had! What big eyes he had! What teeth!

In the interval, I made quite sure he spotted me,

sweet sixteen, never been, babe, waif, and bought me a drink,

my first. You might ask why. Here’s why. Poetry.

The wolf, I knew, would lead me deep into the woods,

away from home, to a dark tangled thorny place

lit by the eyes of owls. I crawled in his wake,

my stockings ripped to shreds, scraps of red from my blazer

snagged on twig and branch, murder clues. I lost both shoes

but got there, wolf’s lair, better beware. Lesson one that night,

breath of the wolf in my ear, was the love poem.

I clung till dawn to his thrashing fur, for

what little girl doesn’t dearly love a wolf?

Then I slid from between his heavy matted paws

and went in search of a living bird – white dove –

which flew, straight, from my hands to his open mouth.

One bite, dead. How nice, breakfast in bed, he said,

licking his chops. As soon as he slept, I crept to the back

of the lair, where a whole wall was crimson, gold, aglow with books.

Words, words were truly alive on the tongue, in the head,

warm, beating, frantic, winged; music and blood.

But then I was young – and it took ten years

in the woods to tell that a mushroom

stoppers the mouth of a buried corpse, that birds

are the uttered thought of trees, that a greying wolf

howls the same old song at the moon, year in, year out,

season after season, same rhyme, same reason. I took an axe

to a willow to see how it wept. I took an axe to a salmon

to see how it leapt. I took an axe to the wolf

as he slept, one chop, scrotum to throat, and saw

the glistening, virgin white of my grandmother’s bones.

I filled his old belly with stones. I stitched him up.

Out of the forest I come with my flowers, singing, all alone.

A Woman Speaks BY AUDRE LORDE

Moon marked and touched by sun   my magic is unwritten but when the sea turns back it will leave my shape behind.   I seek no favor untouched by blood unrelenting as the curse of love   permanent as my errors or my pride I do not mix love with pity nor hate with scorn and if you would know me look into the entrails of Uranus   where the restless oceans pound. I do not dwell within my birth nor my divinities   who am ageless and half-grown   and still seeking my sisters witches in Dahomey wear me inside their coiled cloths   as our mother did mourning. I have been woman for a long time beware my smile I am treacherous with old magic   and the noon's new fury with all your wide futures   promised I am woman and not white.

Women in Labor BY MARY RUEFLE

Women who lie alone at midnight because there is no one else to lie to Women who lie alone at midnight at noon in the laundromat destroying their own socks Women who lie alone at midnight: Hans Brinker, or The Silver Skates Women who lie alone at midnight as the first furl of starlight pearls the moon with nacre Women who lie alone at midnight sending a postcard bearing the face of a bawling infant who cries “I am for the new” Women who lie alone at midnight reciting the names of shoes Women who lie alone at midnight spurting unjustified tears, the kind that run sideways never reaching the mouth, the kind you cannot swallow Women who lie alone at midnight singing breast away the burden of my tender and afterwards burp Women who lie alone at midnight obeying the laws of physics Women who let their dreams curl at the end Women in a monastery of flamingos Women who die alone at midnight contributing to the end, to lost time, to the rain and flies, seeing the bird they saw trapped in the airport surviving by the water fountain What’s more, try it sometime It works

To The Indifferent Women BY CHARLOTTE ANNA PERKINS GILMAN

A Sestina

You who are happy in a thousand homes, Or overworked therein, to a dumb peace; Whose souls are wholly centered in the life Of that small group you personally love; Who told you that you need not know or care About the sin and sorrow of the world? Do you believe the sorrow of the world Does not concern you in your little homes? — That you are licensed to avoid the care And toil for human progress, human peace, And the enlargement of our power of love Until it covers every field of life? The one first duty of all human life Is to promote the progress of the world In righteousness, in wisdom, truth and love; And you ignore it, hidden in your homes, Content to keep them in uncertain peace, Content to leave all else without your care. Yet you are mothers! And a mother's care Is the first step toward friendly human life. Life where all nations in untroubled peace Unite to raise the standard of the world And make the happiness we seek in homes Spread everywhere in strong and fruitful love. You are content to keep that mighty love In its first steps forever; the crude care Of animals for mate and young and homes, Instead of pouring it abroad in life, Its mighty current feeding all the world Till every human child can grow in peace. You cannot keep your small domestic peace Your little pool of undeveloped love, While the neglected, starved, unmothered world Struggles and fights for lack of mother's care, And its tempestuous, bitter, broken life Beats in upon you in your selfish homes. We all may have our homes in joy and peace When woman's life, in its rich power of love Is joined with man's to care for all the world.

[fspgrad]

This is my Fight Song

Take Back My Life Song...

I wrote the following essay for the course, U.S. & Missouri Governments and Constitution on April 28, 2019. The assignment required students to choose a protest song that resonated with them and explain why.

Uprising by Muse

        I was incarcerated for 16 years in the Florida Department of Corrections. During that time, I was housed at 17 different prisons and correctional institutions; I was at some places for as little as a week, while others 4 and 5 years. Music provided a means for marking time and keeping track of the years as they passed. For example, I will hear a certain song and immediately remember what prison I was at when the song was released. Otherwise, I would be hard pressed to tell someone which prison I was at in a given year. Prison is a place of constant suffering, humiliation, depravation, degradation and oppression. I’ve been bound, beaten, raped, starved, stripped naked and tossed into cells with unbearable temperatures ranging from 30° to 110°F depending on the season. Music and books helped me maintain my sanity by providing my mind with a means of escape. Seldom do you hear of riots in American prisons. That is because prison officials have developed and perfected a system that discourages rioting. Believe me, every prisoner thinks about it or wishes they possessed telekinetic abilities to make a guard’s heart stop or head explode. There is one song that always inspired me when I would hear it on my little AM/FM radio; it is titled Uprising by the band, Muse. This song rallied my spirits and filled me with hope; it gave me the courage and strength to keep pushing forward; and it made me so angry I wanted to walk up to a guard and spit in their face. Of course, had I done that I would still be rotting away in the bowels of Florida State Prison.

        Muse is a British rock band that came on the scene in 1994. The lead singer, Matthew Bellamy has been labeled a 21st century guitar hero and modern-day Mozart by some due to his song writing, vocal range and abilities on the piano and guitar. Uprising is from the band’s fifth studio album titled The Resistance. It mixes orchestral elements with rock and electronic music. Like some of their previous albums, the theme is about political oppression. In an interview with MTV News, Matt Bellamy said he was inspired to write Uprising after witnessing protests to the G20 summit that took place in London in 2009. In the days leading up to the summit, he watched from his residence as police deliberately tried to agitate peaceful protesters into committing acts of violence, so they could find reasons to detain them. There was much unrest in London at the time due to political scandals and abuses by banks and other institutions in the financial sector that had led the country into an economic crisis. Bellamy stated, “everyone felt like they were being ripped off by the powers that be [he] wanted to write a song that summed up that feeling like you’ve been done over by people you’re supposed to trust.”

        Uprising is a song that urges people to stop believing the lies and propaganda being fed to them by governments and powers that be. All the fake news and misinformation is carefully crafted and deliberately fed to the ignorant masses; its intention is to serve as a distraction and keep people from recognizing the true causes of their oppression. One of the song’s lyrics says:

Another promise, another scene, Another package lie to keep us trapped in greed With all the green belts wrapped around our minds And endless red tape to keep the truth confined

        Prison officials use the same diversionary tactics; they implement rules that serve no purpose, they mix individuals they know will not get along, and they constantly make threats that pit inmate against inmate. It works wonderfully. If the inmate population is divided and fighting each other, they are unable to unite and riot against their true oppressors. Most fail to realize that illegal drugs enter the prison system because officials allow it. It’s almost impossible to get Tylenol for a headache, but inmates can pretty much write their own scripts for psychotropic medications. Prison officials don’t feel threatened by someone who is virtually catatonic and rocking back and forth with drool running out the side of their mouth. Another lyric states:

The paranoia is in bloom, the P-R Transmissions will resume They'll try to push drugs That keep us all dumbed down and hope that We will never see the truth around

        Uprising is a song that urges people to stand up for themselves when those in government become self-serving rather than serving the people who have trusted them to govern. When our individual liberties are threatened, revolt is sometimes necessary because governments that go unchecked can become tyrannical. The lose of freedom needs to outweigh one’s fear of death because without freedom, there isn’t much else left to live for. The third and fourth verses of the song go:

Interchanging mind control Come let the revolution take its toll if you could Flick a switch and open your third eye, you'd see that We should never be afraid to die

Rise up and take the power back, it's time that The fat cats had a heart attack, you know that Their time is coming to an end We have to unify and watch our flag ascend

         I mentioned earlier that music provided a great source of comfort to me in prison since it allowed my mind to escape from the cage that confined my physical being. We didn’t have Internet access or CD players. Television and radio were our only sources for music. For many years, I did not know the name of this song nor the band who sang it. The word ‘uprising’ is nowhere in the song’s lyrics. Furthermore, radio deejays are often lousy about giving those details when they play a song. I often became frantic when Uprising played on the radio because I would ask guys who sang it, and no one ever knew. Uprising is considered alternative rock, and most guys in Florida prisons are either country or rap music fans. One guy told me he thought it was the band Muse, but he couldn’t say for sure. One of the first things I did after my release was search YouTube and listen to songs by Muse until I found Uprising. I still listen to it often. I refuse to look back on my years in prison with shame or regret. Prison toughened me up and put iron in my soul; it made me hate bullies and people who strive to oppress the weak; most of all, it taught me to stand up for myself and fight against the evil in this world. Uprising is my fight song; I love the chorus:

They will not force us They will stop degrading us They will not control us We will be victorious 

  Works Cited

Bellamy, Matthew James. "Uprising." The Resistance. Prod. Muse. Warner/Chappell Music, Inc, 2009.

News, MTV. Muse Uprising was Inspired by the G20 Protests. September 25 2009. 25 March 2019. <http://www.mtv.co.uk/muse/news/muse-uprising-was-inspired-by-g20-protests>.

Wilipedia. 2009 G20 London Summit Protests. 27 January 2019. Wikipedia Foundation Inc. 25 March 2019. <https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/2009_G20_London_summit_protests>.

[thesinglesjukebox]

CHARLI XCX & CHRISTINE AND THE QUEENS - GONE

[7.79]

We do NOT fucking hate these people...

Elisabeth Sanders: I have no idea if this song is good or bad, all I know is that I am a homosexual. [10]

Alfred Soto: She triumphed at Pitchfork Festival against every one of my expectations: a diva who pirouetted, thrusted, and sashayed like a star with no interest in behind-the-scenes song doctoring. She played "Gone" in vivider incarnation; she sung "I fucking hate these people" as a shared joke between her and the festival's largest queer audience. The boom boom clap of the percussion keeps out of the way, but I wish it presented an obstacle over which she could hurdle. [7]

Nellie Gayle: Social anxiety does not exactly read as a the prefect pretense for a banger pop song, but then again, Charli XCX has a certain gift for emotional subterfuge. 'Gone' is a collaboration between Charli and a more subdued pop star friend, Christine & the Queens. The two wrestle between seething anger at fake social niceties and and a deeper issue - the desire to be loved and seen, even if by a group of people you couldn't care less about. It's comforting to know that even a seasoned partygirl like Charli XCX can feel the same debilitating and restrictive sense of social "unbelonging" - a scene she depicts fairly literally in the accompanying music video which features her in bondage. The jump between this wallflower characteristic and the club-ready beat feels like a perfect metaphor for Charli's career and persona itself. As pop music evolves and begins to cater to an even more confessional and vulnerable audience of millennials, it makes sense its most forward thinking vanguards would keep the pace by divulging their deepest longing while also maintaining a danceable beat. [7]

Nortey Dowuona: Sharp, rubbery bass backflips, pirouettes and twists as soapy, seething synths and steel tipped drums shimmy across the shoulders as Christine and Charli spin through as they become intertwined as one. [8]

Wayne Weizhen Zhang: What's that? Charli XCX writing a song about loneliness and social anxiety -- but somehow making it work as a duet? More like Charli doing this again, except this time instead of ruminating about the cosmos, commiserating about lost love, or contemplating redemption, she and Chris are plotting their escape. They spend the entire track pouring gasoline on their worries and stresses, until 3:04, when they finally erupt into flames. And then they're literally gone, leaving behind only the glitched screaming ghosts of their pop consciousness, any chance at salvation vanishing with them. [8]

Jacob Sujin Kuppermann: Charli XCX's trajectory since the release of Pop 2 has been confusing. Over the past year and a half, she's released 15-or-so singles/features, running the gamut from remixes of experimental rappers to big shiny club collabs with Diplo, Lizzo, and Troye Sivan. It's largely been good material (save for that Diplo Spice Girls remix), but the songs have kind of felt like diversions from the goals set out by Pop 2's post-PC MUSIC synthesis of pop artifice into sincere emotion. This is entirely her right-- if Charli just remade Pop 2 until she retired, it wouldn't have the same deconstructive power it had when it first came out. Yet even the best of her singles from last year (songs like "5 in the Morning" and her remix of Tommy Genesis' "100 Bad") felt somewhat unambitious-- playgrounds in the wreckage of pop, rather than attempts to build a new level upon it. "Gone," then, is that new level. It's the best of all possible worlds: the shiny synths and hard-hitting rhythms of "Nuclear Seasons"-era Charli, the glitchy breakdowns of her PC Music collabs, and the open, collaborative feeling of her wilderness year. "Gone" encapsulates Charli's appeal in a compact 4 minute salvo, taking a conventional core lyrical concept-- dancing the social anxiety away-- and twisting it to her will. Chris makes for perhaps the best partner Charli's had on her pop mission: her voice is clearer and more sincere, the perfect tool to clear out any suggestion of irony. But Charli herself is the key to why "Gone" works. She's the glue that holds together the disjointed impulses of the track, like she always is, but here she's also constantly moving it forward. Her vocals here are perhaps the best they've ever sounded, aloof and emotive all at once, and the fragmented lyrical picture that she and Chris paint is vivid. It took her a while, but "Gone" reveals a revitalized Charli XCX, capable of pop mastery once again. [10]

Oliver Maier: "Gone"'s release feels timed to ensure that Pop 2 fans don't abandon hope for Charli's album after the disappointing "Blame It On Your Love", with metallic globs of bass and sparkling synth arpeggios hearkening back to the palette of the 2017 mixtape. However, it's actually Christine and the Queens who gives the stronger performance here; Charli excels in emotional extremes and bratty earworms, but the purgatorial feeling of anxiety that "Gone" reckons with -- as well as the song's cavernous arrangement and less immediate hook -- are better suited to Chris' subtler wheelhouse. The breakdown in the last minute is a little superfluous, more a signifier of a willingness to experiment than a successful experiment in and of itself, but "Gone" still provides a brighter forecast for Charli than we had a few weeks ago. [6]

Joshua Copperman: So I did the dumb remix thing again. The Katy Perry one was a reorder of different parts, but this one adds more instrumentation and a four-on-the-floor kick that takes Charli back to 2009 instead of 1999. Despite my favorite performance I've heard Christine give ("do they wish to run through mee," the plainspoken way she says "baby" just before the breakdown), and the clear vocal chemistry between her and Charli, this song has so much empty space when a melody like that requires bombast. That breakdown feels like someone trying to recreate NSYNC's "Pop" using "Call Your Girlfriend" samples on a broken MPC. Couple that with the ugly flanging on Charli and Christine's voices, and any momentum and goodwill feels squandered. "Gone" is so strong until that point that it's still extremely listenable, but extremely listenable feels disappointing when it's this close to being great. [7]

Kayla Beardslee: I can't think of a more appropriate artist to enter the "crying on the dance floor" pantheon than Charli XCX: pop's resident party girl saying that she "fucking hates" the people at this party is not an artistic confession to be taken lightly. Although the marketing for this track has been informed by the tired "most personal album yet" cliche, Charli has thankfully pulled off the introspective turn by maintaining her PC Music inspirations, metallic synths bouncing off the edges of the song and giving the message of grappling with anxiety some much-needed bite. The presence of a feature is another XCX signature, and Christine and the Queens is a welcome addition: for once, a Charli track clearly shows the collaborator's influence, in this case with its clipped melodies and off-kilter yet evocative lyrics. [8]

Will Rivitz: "Backseat," off 2017's Pop 2, cascaded into perfection on the strength of its final minute ripping the preceding three into shreds. "Gone," in doing exactly that again, but even more transcendentally sublimely this time (and with a transcendentally sublime beginning three-quarters to match, something its predecessor missed by a hair), is by extension better by about one degree. And I gave "Backseat" a [9], so... [10]

Joshua Lu: In light of the multitudinous takes on social anxiety pop stars have churned out in recent years, "Gone" feels surprisingly honest. Anxiety is seen as illogical (Charli's cry of "they don't care" seemingly comes out of nowhere, which is where these feelings often come from), shameful (the song opens with an apology), and maddening (the entirety of the prechorus and Christine's verse is filled with an untempered rage), and the song's unapologetic portrayal of these aspects acts as an effective catharsis. It hits harder when casted over the stutter-step instrumental, filled with uncomfortable white space and coarse industrial noises that put the listener on edge. [7]

Joshua Minsoo Kim: A song about being impossibly and destructively tired, so much so that one can't help but be vulnerable as a last ditch effort to maintain sanity. The production captures it perfectly: steely and anthemic and spacious, it encourages one to sing along in a sort of therapeutic karaoke session. The outro is a cute release--a moment to decompress by way of A.G. Cook's love for Scritti Politti. [7]

Michael Hong: Like the best Charli XCX tracks, "Gone" deals with solitude in crowded spaces, no matter the number of collaborators involved in the track. The industrial soundscape threatens to cave in at any moment -- something that fueled by the pair's anxieties does inevitably occur, and yet remains this moment of euphoric bliss. While Charli and Chris pose several questions across the track, none are really answered. Instead, the two end with a shared statement, "don't search me in here, I'm already gone, baby," and by tossing aside the anxiety of the party, the two find peace outside of the crowd. In a crowded field of tracks about wanting to leave the party, "Gone" is one of the most captivating because of Charli's introspection and ability to bring her dystopian future into the present. [7]

Kylo Nocom: This song is a fever dream of DJ Mustard stabs warped into freestyle-esque basslines, Jimmy Jam & Terry Lewis communicated through modernized rhythms. "Gone" shines in stark contrast to the notable collaboration Charli's done with a certain other '80s fanatic back in late 2017, substituting emotional atmospherics for feverish danceability. Charli's unstoppable pop glee is bared down to the essentials, stripped of the dumbness that felt defining of her singles the past two years; Christine's dense songwriting and anxious percussive affinities are polished up and displayed proudly here, with no signs of the occasionally campy production cheapness that defined her 2018 album's weaker missteps. "Gone" pays empathetic attention to the overstimulation some feel at huge parties, and the bouncing, metallic chorus shivers with a knowing sensory discomfort that eventually culminates in a gloriously alien glitch breakdown. [8]

Alex Clifton: A contender for Song of the Summer that isn't "Old Town Road" (which I love dearly but does not work on its own as a party playlist). Charli and Chris are always Interesting Artists, never boring and always looking forward, and this is a perfect marriage of their strengths and sounds. It has the electro production Charli favours but never gets too overwhelming; it has a good dose of Chris's quirk and gravitas but retains a lighter touch. Moreover it's just a fun song--I can only imagine what it was like to record this in the studio, and that enthusiasm spills over to the listener. Like Jane Austen's prose, "Gone" is complex and layered but performed with ease. It's one of the hardest tricks in the book, but Charli and Chris have absolutely nailed it. [8]

Iris Xie: "Gone" listens like the measured dissertation of an almost ideal pop song in a post-PC Music world that is more open about mental health, attachment trauma, and how it damages relationships. Out of the two, Letissier is the one who delivers the vocals with the exact emotion required to hit catharsis, due to her visceral and forceful cadence that is in tune with the chorus's frankness: "I feel so unstable, fucking hate these people / How they're making me feel lately." The post-chorus is beautiful though, with one of my favorite pop-R&B vocal tropes where they both catch on the fourth word of each line, "Why do we love--" before Charli and Letissier exhale with a sharp glide before jumping back into step with the stuttering beat, with "--if we're so mistaken?" Another treat is served with the sudden drop-off into "Why do we keep when the water runs? / Ne me cherche pas, je ne suis plus là, baby," a dreamy and sad breakdown that then breaks down into more jagged edges and clipped and chewed up repetitions. This song could only be written by people who love pop music so, so deeply that they have command of masterful hooks and turns of phrase and expectations. Unfortunately, I also don't like it as much as I should, because for all of what it does right, it still lacks dynamism and range to make it stick in a way that really makes me overjoyed for it, because I feel both of their solo work was a lot sharper and more evocative, and I find the sound more muddled here, even amongst all of their loving approaches. [7]

Katherine St Asaph: One of my favorite songs is The Tycho Brahe's "Steel Wheels," a song about defeat and cutting ties to pursue other defeat. "Gone" is a lot like that song, attached to a lesser song: yet another false, poppily marketed take on social anxiety. When I'm socially phobic, which is almost all the time, it's never "those people" I hate -- I don't hate anyone without a good reason, and doing so would just add guilt and make me feel worse -- but myself. It seems too simple to posit that one song is Chris's contribution and the other's Charli's, but more to the point, I actually can't tell which is whose. Neither artist seems fully themselves, vocally or stylistically. Chris's strengths are staccato lyrics and precise bits of introspection: needles to the exact point that hurts. Charli's strength is sweepingly cathartic songs, emotions hemorrhaging out of the music and the skin. "Gone" is the midpoint of those strengths, playing to neither. [6]

William John: A favourite moment of mine in the Christine and the Queens catalogue is early single "Nuit 17 à 52", which, in its English adaptation, features a speaker in a "lace-like" state of being, waiting "for the rain to come through". It's an image of defencelessness that's so brusque it requires gentle piano chords to soften the mood. Water provides no solace to the song's protagonist; the fifty-second, pivotal night of melodrama fails to leave her mind. This is an image Christine and the Queens returns to for her contribution to Charli XCX's new single - interviews have made it clear that she penned the chorus, but it's obvious to anyone familiar with the charming peculiarities of her brand of franglais. This time the punishment of water is accompanied by inquisition - the metaphor is not used as a mere acknowledgement of self-flagellating tendencies, but and a need to know why they might arise is attached. The contention is that in the quest to know more about oneself, water can be framed not as a suffocating force, but as one of cleansing and catharsis; that in daring to be vulnerable, we open ourselves up to freedom and greatness. Enlisting a partner-in-crime to assist with such a quest doesn't hurt, and there's been few moments in pop this year as thrilling as the way these two jointly bellow "loathe" before the song gives way to its chirpy coda, as together they will themselves toward liberation. [9]

Jackie Powell: The production on "Gone" matches the exact emotional plot of the song itself. The bass synths and percussive claps are accurately abrasive and in your face. The vocal performances that both XCX and Christine give are impassioned. While the chorus might be a bit muffled and not as enunciated as I would have liked, they achieve a goal that all artists should strive for⁠--the ability to transfer their emotions through their lyrics and sounds into the soul of the listener. The mixing from their chest into their head voices that both singers do on this track brings out some sort of euphoria in me. Charli's previous singles "1999" and "Blame it on Your Love" have been catchy, but maybe not as substantive as Charli stans have wanted. I understand her strategy. It reminds me of Carly Rae Jepsen's approach to how she released "Dedicated." Both artists released advance singles that were a bit lighter in content and sound. And then of course, we heard "No Drug Like Me". The third single put out to the world was the sucker punch, the sly off-speed pitch that hits right in zone after two high fastballs that don't quite elicit a flinch. The 52-second outro in "Gone" was confusing when I first heard it, and maybe it should be a tad shorter, but I finally understand the reason it exists to begin with. If you listen closely, Charli and Christine's voices sound as though they are gargling water or are putting their faces into the water that they are claiming is still running. They make their point though, we've got to question why the water is running and it's up to us to stop it. It's uncomfortable, but we have the power to stop it. [8]

[Read, comment and vote on The Singles Jukebox]

[margridarnauds]

001 olympe/solene please!!! (also i know i haven't answered in 8 years but please bear with me, i haven't forgotten i'm just very late)

Thank you! (Also it’s fine; I was just a little worried I’d finally scared you away!) The following thoughts might be slightly rambling, given my family’s doing our daily rewatch of Toho!1789 and Maniaque just came on, thus short circuiting my brain. 

when I started shipping it if I did: I seem to recall a conversation between you and @couldntgiveafox some ages ago where you were discussing alternative 1789s, and I believe I stumbled across it in my fall to 1789 Hell. I don’t think I really started actively SHIPPING it until I was writing Pour la Peine and the (still a WIP) Modern AU where they go to Disneyworld, since it showed off more how they would WORK as a couple. (Yes, really. In my defense, there’s something about Solène and Olympe working together to get Artois stranded on “It’s a Small World” that warms the cockles of my shipping heart.)

my thoughts: I think they have a lot of potential as a ship; I would REALLY love to have seen more of them in canon because I think that they’d have had a lot more potential than our canon ship. (Not that that’s SAYING much, but…) The two of them have two very different ways of dealing with things that really make them complement each other well. Like, Solène has a much more direct way of doing things; she probably had to shut down most of Ronan’s fights with the other kids in their village when they were younger, whereas Olympe…can handle herself, obviously, but she tends to prefer sidestepping it if she can and tends to prefer using the gun only as an absolute last resort. And Solène and Olympe both…fill in the gaps, with each other? Like, Olympe’s a woman who everyone sees as this simple little governess who can be walked over but has a spine of steel beneath those stays, whereas Solène is a woman who presents herself as being basically untouchable and unbreakable, but she has a lot of vulnerability beneath the surface. 

What makes me happy about them: Solène has this blunt, rough edge that really works well against almost everyone, but the second that Olympe enters the room? She melts. Even if she’s terrified of what exactly that means and trusting someone again. She’s basically the embodiment of “I’ve only had Olympe for a day and a half, but if anything happened to her, I’d kill everyone in this room and then myself.” And Peyrol. Even if he’s not in the room and had nothing to do with it, she’d still kill Peyrol for good measure. And for Olympe, she has someone who’s genuinely in love with HER and would be willing to bend over backwards for her. (It’s not that I dislike Antoinette or that I’m even particularly criticizing her, but I do think that she can be insensitive when it comes to Olympe’s crush right until the very end when she lets her go and that sometimes, she takes advantage of Olympe’s feelings without realizing it, causing Olympe to get into trouble. See: Je Suis un Dieu.) Like, Lazare and Solène would never ADMIT it, because fundamentally they have way too much between them, but they have more in common there than they’d ever admit. 

Finally: BLESS the Toho for giving me, like, five seconds of interaction between them. It might not have been much, but THEY TOUCHED HANDS. While watching Solène’s brother being brutally shot by his boyfriend, but hey, it’s not the WORST first date idea. And Solène’s CLINGING onto this girl she’s just met in that scene, after rushing herself in front of Peyrol’s line of fire to do it. 

What makes me sad about them: Obviously, the lack of interaction between them, even though, on the positive side, it means the show can’t ruin it for me. Solène is hard as a character to write, because all three Solènes are written so very differently from one another that it’s hard to get a grip on her, especially since it’s obvious that the French really didn’t…CARE about her, as a character, and that also means that trying to get their dynamic can be hard. Like, I still feel after all this time that I don’t have them down as well as I have L/R, which is something that I’m always trying to rectify. 

Also, from an in-universe perspective: I think…Solène is very like her brother, in the sense that she doesn’t see HERSELF as inherently inferior or incapable of love (the one thing no one has EVER accused the Mazurier Siblings of is a lack of confidence), but that so much has happened to her that she kind of takes it for granted that this isn’t going to end well. Our girl’s canonically lost her brother and father, she’s PROBABLY lost her mother (I mean, unless she’s just…living as a hermit somewhere since Ronan and Soléne ran away or left Papa Mazurier to become a famous adventuress, I think it’s a safe assumption), and it’s safe to assume she’s lost at least 2-3 siblings, if not more, and…as much as I’m against the idea of the Tragic Sex Worker, she’s also probably seen Things in her time on the streets. If nothing else, then sex work was very much a transitory job for many women, who would take it up in off seasons in-between other jobs (or marriage, for some women), so there are probably plenty of women who she knew and tried to get attached to who just…moved on. 

And I think that Marie Antoinette’s ghost is always kind of going to be there, in the background, even as Olympe moves on from the full force of her old feelings. And Olympe has her own issues when it comes to loss, not just with Ronan (who was a friend if nothing else) and her mother (if we’re going with the musical-canon where Charlotte du Puget’s been dead for awhile), but also with probably seeing Louis-Joseph die in front of her. 

things done in fanfic that annoys me: WHAT FANFIC? There’s so little of it available that it’s kind of impossible for me to find ANYTHING to really annoy me. The thing that annoys me when I’M writing them is that there’s this…odd tendency, with femslash, for things to be sanitized and clean and saccharine, as opposed to M/M and F/M ships. And, on one hand, I DESPISE that mentality, but on the other hand, I find that I’ve internalized some of that, even though realistically S/O have…so much that they could bicker over. If they wanted to. So I try to keep at least a realistic level of conflict in their relationship, without reaching R/O or even R/L levels. 

things I look for in fanfic: Existing is always a lovely thing. 

Who I’d be comfortable them ending up with, if not each other: Olympe/MA is always going to be a tragic crush for me; I’m not sure if it’d have worked in the long run as an actual RELATIONSHIP, but I’d be perfectly comfortable with Olympe being happy. Or accepting Artois’ offer, biding her time in London while slowly poisoning him so that she can retire in an obscene amount of wealth when the new king of France “tragically” dies only a few months into his new reign. 

Even though I’m pretty attached to Olympe being a lesbian and Lazare being gay and/or ace, I’m also not OPPOSED to them marrying each other as a matter of convenience post-canon, though…obviously. After the Takarazuka and Toho productions, there are going to be…issues with that one. (Lazare is incapable of being with someone when he hasn’t at least tried to kill their father.) Matthieu Carnot and Camille Lou in the original cast had HELLA chemistry with one another, and I’m not entirely willing to toss it all away.     

And for Solène…I’m not sure I’d go with ANYONE in the main cast. My main headcanon re: Solène and sexuality is that she’s bi, but the whole “Betrayal by her idiot of a brother” thing has really put her off the idea of being romantically involved with dudes for an extended period of time. Sexually? Sure, for the money involved. It’s her JOB, but she’s not going to go for anything that requires trust. Lucile is the obvious alternative, but I’m not sure how Lucile’s upper middle class upbringing would work with Solène and her profession, and the entire business with the engagement +…Lucile’s ultimate fate would work. (Also Lucile’s part in The Scene in the Toho version…it hasn’t put me off her as a CHARACTER, I still love her very much, but…it’s made me…less keen on her with Solène.) I also crackship her with Marie Antoinette. Marie Antoinette gets all the ladies in the main cast. 

My happily ever after for them: In the canon verse? They leave Paris, either getting out of the country or quietly running into the country, where they can live in peace without the Reign of Terror getting them. They establish a domestic life together, where both of them learn to trust again, even as Solène keeps her own funds Just in Case, because some things are a little harder to move past than others. Lt. du Puget knows, but he’s been too traumatized by his own experiences with the Bastille, as well as too grateful to the Mazuriers for all they’ve done to raise a fuss, and he becomes like a second father to Solène, with Françoise being a sister and partner in crime to her. Solène doesn’t lose track of her friends in Paris and visits them from time to time, even as she gets used to middle class life, and she never entirely loses her fire. They both die of old age, many, many years after the Revolution (because, as we all know, Olympe does not die at the end, and there has never been a time where she died at the end; it is her destiny to outlive the rest of the cast with her girlfriend.) And then, in the afterlife, Solène gets at least one slap in on her brother before they’re one big, happy family again. Because he does deserve it, tbh. 

Out of canon, I would honestly love to see a world where Solène/Olympe and Lazare/Ronan could have co-existed with each other as a family, albeit an insanely unorthodox one. I could see Olympe and Lazare having a marriage of convenience, with both of them having their own sections of the house that are just theirs, and with sex not even being a consideration. (Solène takes it more as a matter of course and the best possible option, even if she doesn’t LIKE Lazare; Ronan runs off and spends, like, a week crying somewhere before they can get him calmed down enough to explain.) Like, their wedding night is spent playing cards in bed until they can sneak out to their separate rooms, and at some point Ronan’s in-between them, drooling on Lazare’s shoulder while Solène glares daggers because if he hurts her girlfriend or her brother, she will not HESITATE to destroy him. Everyone knows that they’re gay AF and that a former under-governess to the royal family is sleeping with a former sex worker, mainly because Artois never shuts up about it (because if he can’t have Lazare under his thumb and he can’t murder the hypotenuse, he’s at least going to do his best to make his life miserable), but, does it matter? No. What are they going to do, not invite Lazare or Olympe to one of their salons? The horror, the horror. One year, for her New Year’s present, Ronan gives Solène a pair of earplugs so she doesn’t have to hear some of the ungodly sounds that come from his and Lazare’s side of the house. Everyone’s happy. 

who is the big spoon/little spoon: See, my GUT instinct is Solène for big spoon, since it gives her a place of security without her feeling pinned in, but also I love the thought of Olympe sometimes taking over, nuzzling into Solène’s neck and having Solène wake up and being like “Holy shit, this is real” even years later. 

what is their favorite non-sexual activity: Taking walks together, reading. I like to think that Olympe helps Solène learn how to read (which is one of the areas where I feel like they differ from R/L. Even though I think Lazare would read out loud to Ronan, I’m not sure he’d go through the trouble of TEACHING him, especially since that’s…giving Ronan some serious power as far as being able to page through any of Lazare’s papers.) Sometimes, Solène just prefers to hear Olympe read out loud, with her absently putting her hand on Olympe’s arm as time goes on and she relaxes, since Olympe has a very bright, expressive voice that suited her well when she was an undergoverness, and even if she doesn’t mean to, she finds herself taking on different voices for different characters, which makes for an entertaining reading experience,. The two of them also help each other with their daily toilette, getting each other’s hair and clothes prepared. 

This? Is an Olympe innovation. 

And this? Is a Solène. She Tries. And Olympe loves her for it. 

[needlenxggin]

Tag dump cause tumblr keeps killing mine and I need a new one to keep track of them all considering I've got a few new ones for his spider and genshin verse.

[fitnesshealthyoga-blog]

New Post has been published on https://fitnesshealthyoga.com/yoga-and-religion-a-journey-of-faith-christianity/

Yoga and Religion: A Journey of Faith + Christianity

People often think that yoga and religion are two separate things. And while that may be true for some, yoga and religion are intertwined for others. Here’s one yogi’s story of how her Catholic faith impacted her practice.

I walked into the high-ceilinged, sunny-yellow Philadelphia yoga studio with ebonyashes clouding my skin. The mark, smeared across my forehead earlier that day by an old man’s thumb, was less a cross and more of a faded, L-shaped blotch.

It was 4:30 p.m. on Ash Wednesday, the first day of Lent, and I noticed that no one else in the class had a similar mark. I hadn’t had ashes on my forehead since I was in Catholic high school more than 10 years ago. When I was young, I learned that we wore ashes as a public admission of guilt—an expression of a deep and incomprehensible sorrow. Back then, I knew I was supposed to spend Lent correcting my faults, purifying my heart, and controlling my desires, the way Jesus had when he was allegedly tempted by Satan as he spent 40 days in the desert.

Thanks for watching!Visit Website

I, on the other hand, had carried my lavender yoga mat past a red-and-gold Om symbol painted on a wall next to copper statues of Buddha and Ganesh, inhaled smokey sandalwood incense, laid out my mat, and dropped down into Balasana (Child’s Pose). My knees splayed out wide past my bare feet, my arms stretched forward to the top of the mat, my ash-anointed forehead touched, in humility, rubber over hardwood floor.

Thanks for watching!Visit Website

Thanks for watching!Visit Website

See also Do You Really Know the True Meaning of Yoga? Thoughts from a British Indian Yogi

The sounds of flutes and sitars and Indian devotional music played in the background, and a slender, soft-voiced yoga teacher advised us to clear our minds, focus on being present, and to set an intention for our practice.

Earlier, at church, a kind and graying priest had advised worshipers not to “give something up” for Lent, but to instead be fully present to God—the divine—in ourlives. In the modern, minimalistic church, with its familiar central crucifix and ornate portraits of saints and the Virgin Mary lining the sunlit walls, I had felt as much at home as I did now in the yoga studio. The pews had been packed to capacity for Ash Wednesday, with people crowding in the back vestibule, coats still on, like my family always had when we’d arrived late to Christmas mass.

In the humid, heated yoga room, class was filled to its highest capacity as well—not because of a day-of, religious obligation, but because it was a community yoga class costing only $7, rather than the usual $15. A crowded class (or church, for that matter) never bothered me, really. But today I was dimly aware of the mark on my forehead, my struggles with faith readily visible to all. I rose from Child’s Pose to stand with the other spandex-clad men and women on a sea of neon mats, our legs locked in Vrksasana (Tree Pose) and our hands in Namaskarasana.

Searching through my Catholic faith in my late 20s sometimes feels empty and regressive. There are so many reasons to not believe in it: abusive pedophiliac priests, lack of equal respect for women, blatant disregard for LGBTQ people I hold so dearly. Unsurprisingly, for years since college, I’ve been more comfortable with yoga mats and meditations rather than confession and unrelenting guiltI learned to bear from rigid nuns in brown habits when I was young and still clapped blackboard erasers.

See also Q&A: What’s So Sacred About the Number 108?

Tomaine and her mother praying at the Cathedral Basilica of Saints Peter & Paul.

I remember being a child in a wooden pew wearing flowery dresses on Easter and contemplating, in an abstract and sanitized way, what it would have felt like to have iron nails put through my hands. I pictured the blood running out in neat rivulets, always imagining it as a manageable pain, something confined, before drifting off to other daydreams and bemusements. In my world, my concept of pain was not enough to understand the gory and impossible torture of an actual crucifixion. Everything is neatly packaged when you are 11, delivered in a picture book both palatable and disturbing—a story accepted and then dismissed.

But at 28 years old, I haven’t just been searching for faith, but also for a sense of self I seem to have lost somewhere between growing up and post-college malaise—learning that I wasn’t going to marry that guy or the one after that. I also wasn’t going to have the perfect career and easily sketched life I’d imagined for myself all those years. Somewhere along the line, I realized, with a staggering jolt, that I didn’t have all the answers, nor would I. This realization of how little I knew led me on a bumpy path back to a yoga mat, a church pew, and finally, after years of shying away from the one thing that had always made me, me: writing again.

I started writing in tiny notebooks, in notes on my iPhone, on airplanes, waiting in line outside free concerts. If I’ve learned anything of value so far, it’s that spirituality is intrinsic to the writing process, because creativity itself is justa form of spirituality. What is a writer if not someone, as William Faulkner put it, attempting to understand and convey “the human heart in conflict with itself?” And is spirituality not just trying to understand that same heart? A search for peace and meaning and inner strength? A way to slow down in a world where it is all too easy to speed up until one day you wake up old and wrinkled, and you cry, looking back, thinking, “That was my life.” Fiction, poetry, nonfiction—these are all really just attempts at divinity.

See also 9 Top Yoga Teachers Share How They ‘Talk’ to the Universe

For years, I had stopped writing, practicing yoga regularly, and praying, allowing myself to sink into a daily fray—worrying about the unruly edges of my life, how things were not settling how I wanted them to. I lost my true sense of awe and wonder, of spirituality. I was overwhelmed, instead, by personal tragedies and plans gone awry, at heartache and mistakes that built up into disillusionment and depression. But, I also think, like almost any great religious story—whether it be Jesus wandering off into a desert in Israel or Luke Skywalker flying off on a spiritual quest to Dagobah—there comes a universal knowledge that to find yourself, and your true voice, you must first lose everything and build up from the dirt.

Over time, I shifted direction. I began walking out of my personal desert—a place where I had felt lonely and entitled, angry at my life for not unfolding asI imagined. AndI started being more humble: accepting that even if some people involved in the church were terrible, that didn’t make faith terrible. I started going to yoga, not to improve my form, but to calm my mind.

I began to, slowly, feel happy again. I started laughing more, and talking more, and drinking more red wine. I started meditating. I went to yoga classes regularly again. I started praying again, in odd, awkward moments, as I’d done as a girl. I focused seriously on meditation in a way that felt not at all incongruous with blessing myself with the sign of the cross as I lay in the dark, reading Psalms from my iPhone Bible before bed.

See also 5 Ways to Turn a Mental Breakdown into a Spiritual Breakthrough

“Spirituality, both in yoga classes and in prayer, simply became my non-acceptance of my predicament.” – Gina Tomaine

I prayed when I needed a parking spot. I prayed when there was airplane turbulence. I prayed when I felt anxious about a conversation or a relationship. I prayed thanks when I had a piece of writing published. I prayed thanks when I was laying in Half Pigeon Pose. I prayed for my family.

When I prayed, I said that I wasn’t sure if what I was praying for was the right thing, but if God could just do whatever was right, I would be OK with it. It didn’t even matter if anyone was listening—capital G God or anyone at all—it just mattered that I had finally learned, once and for all, that everything was not up to me.

I started to shake myself out of whatever had been holding me. I did legs up the wall every night. Psalms told me, “You are fearfully and wonderfully made.” I started acting fearfully and wonderfully made.

Spirituality, both in yoga classes and in prayer, simply became my non-acceptance of my predicament. I didn’t consciously decide I wanted to be Christian again, but it was a survivalist instinct. If I wanted to live and not just exist, I hadto let myself believe again. It was as simple, and perhaps as childish, as that. Spirituality became my decision to transcend depression, emotional malaise, and discontent, and instead worship the creative process, the divine in everyday life, and the things I loved about the world. After all, how we are all cosmically connected and divine is real—and I would rather believe it and be called foolish than die faithless, cynical, and smart.

See also 3 Things I Learned After Taking a Break from My Yoga Practice

At the end of yoga class on Ash Wednesday, I sat up straight, cross-legged, breathing heavy with eyes gently shut. My ashes were sweaty on my forehead, my yoga tights sticking to my thighs. I felt emptied and grateful,reminded thatI am dust.

Our teacher offered an option for our final pose: “Rest your hands on your knees facing down if you are searching for answers within yourselves,” she said.

Without a thought, I placed my hands down on my knees.

“Or,” she continued, “rest your hands on your knees facing up if you are searching for answers from the universe.”

I flipped my hands facing up.

“Namaste,” we said, in unison.

The week after that, I read another Bible verse; I wrote another poem, another essay, another short story; I took another yoga class; I rose up into Warrior Pose II before transitioning into a twist, my hands folded softly together in Prayer Pose, my breath moving steadily, my heart open.

About the Author

Gina Tomaine is a Philadelphia-based writer and editor. She is currently Deputy Lifestyle Editor of Philadelphia magazine, and previously served as Associate Deputy Editor of Rodale’s Organic Life. She’s been published in Prevention, Women’s Health, Runner’s World and more. Learn more at ginatomaine.com. 

!function(f,b,e,v,n,t,s)if(f.fbq)return;n=f.fbq=function() n.callMethod? n.callMethod.apply(n,arguments):n.queue.push(arguments) ;if(!f._fbq)f._fbq=n; n.push=n;n.loaded=!0;n.version='2.0';n.queue=[];t=b.createElement(e);t.async=!0; t.src=v;s=b.getElementsByTagName(e)[0];s.parentNode.insertBefore(t,s)(window, document,'script','https://connect.facebook.net/en_US/fbevents.js'); (function() fbq('init', '1397247997268188'); fbq('track', 'PageView'); var contentId = 'ci023afb67300027e7'; if (contentId !== '') fbq('track', 'ViewContent', content_ids: [contentId], content_type: 'product'); )();

Source link

[inkdrinkershadowsinger]

NIALL HORAN       

Credit to Café Astrology entirely. The normal font is them, the italicized are my thoughts. Thank you.

              Sun in Virgo

              It is rare to find the stereotypical nitpicky, exacting, “clean freak” in modern-day Virgo. Have you met Niall? He said in a recent interview that he was very orderly something about Louis’ mess on the bus during tour that drove him up the wall, and I believe it. In all the shots he shares of his house his place is always so tidy. He’s a Clorox toting, rubber glove wearing, “clean freak” and no one can tell me otherwise.

`Virgo people are generally respectable, hard-working individuals who have a love of knowledge and know-how. Niall likes to know things. His little adventure at N.A.S.A. How long do you think he studied for that? Watching movies so that he can get conversation material. He likes to be well-informed in his subject matter of choice, entertainment. He knows musicians, he stays up to date on pop culture, and in the fandom, though not as much as Louis, even if tries to deny it. Niall just likes to know stuff. It’s easy to connect with people if you have something to talk about, and he’s really good at that.

            Virgos symbol, the Virgin, shows itself in the lives of Virgos through a love of all that is “natural” and a certain purity of spirit that keeps Virgos self-sufficient and self-contained, at least on the surface. He looks very clean, pure, and young. Every Virgo has this sort of youthful, pure look about them.

            They are generally reticent when faced with anything or anyone new. It looks like he’s had his friends for years, or are family. Although he is friendly, it seems like he would have trouble truly accepting new people into his group unless he’s thoroughly vetted them and found them worthy. He prefers the tried and true method of doing something verses trying to find new paths.

            Many Virgo Suns are not too comfortable with the limelight. These types are just fine living in the background, as long as they feel useful and appreciated. We’ve all heard that sometimes musicians use their instruments as buffers, and I think that could be the case here with Niall’s guitar, at least in the beginning. I think he’s grown more comfortable with the limelight over the years. But I think he may sometimes still feel this way.

            Solar Virgos have a strong sense of responsibility. Even when they’ve convinced themselves to be irresponsible about something or other, they worry about it. Everything is planned. Everything is calculated. Niall just doesn’t put a step out of order because he’s thought about it. He can see several moves down the game board, and that’s brilliant. A little intimidating if you were with him, but it would be comforting to know that if you needed something or needed something to get done, that he’s probably already taken care of it. Like he can sense or keep track of things like when you need your oil changed and he’d already have it serviced for you before you even noticed it. Very on top of things. Very responsible.

            Not all Virgos are workaholics. Niall is though in a sense. He works hard and plays hard. However, when Solar Virgos are not involved in some kind of project, there is generally a vague feeling of discontent. He’s not happy unless it’s perfect, then probably still not happy after that. Even when their lives are filled up with work, they are restless and somewhat nervous creatures. He definitely has a nervous excited energy about him.

            The fear of under-performing is often strong. He wants to be perfect. Some are exacting and thorough and those Virgos who have convinced themselves to do a less-than-perfect job will generally feel incomplete. His album could get number one, which t deserves, and he still would be thinking about how it could have been better. There’s an odd combination of the intellectual and the practical in Virgo that is sometimes mistaken for coolness. He rationalizes his emotions. I see him being more passive aggressive when angry verses blowing up.

            In fact, Virgos are often self-effacing and shy. He’s very apt to poke fun at himself or to try to put himself down. Add plenty of worthwhile projects to keep them busy. He needs to be doing something or working towards something at all times to feel even remotely at peace, even if that something is relaxing or taking time off. It will be scheduled in even if he doesn’t realize he’s doing it.

            He’s analytical. He is very observant and future thinking. He is intelligent. Niall is super smart and introspective. In that one interview with him, Niall, and Liam when they’re in Australia or New Zealand, I think, and the interviewer asks him what he would do if he were Mayor or something and he just spits out this brilliant answer about improving public transport and this and that, and yeah, Niall is smart. Just because he comes off as easy going and carefree doesn’t mean that he doesn’t think.

He is reserved. Now, I wouldn’t normally say that Niall is reserved, but I think there is a difference in his public persona, “work mode” and his personal life. Would he be someone to try and dance with you at a club? No. He isn’t forward like that. He might buy you a drink if he was sure that you would be okay with that and if he was really wanting some that night, but I don’t think he’s overly confident or forward in things like this. Business is different, because he already has an established base with those people. Business people appreciate talent and even more than that money. Would he have been able to go and introduce himself to big suit types at the beginning of the band? Maybe, but not with as much confidence or gusto or surety as he would now. He is critical. Oh yes, my friend, and it’s a Virgo thing. They just want to help really by telling you that your hair looks horrible like that so that you’re not dumb enough to do it again. Or he’s being an arsehole because he’s had a bad day, and is being critical of your every move for no good reason other than he’s feeling crappy and has no place to put his anger than on you.

He is helpful. One hundred percent the kind of person who would help an old lady cross the street, or would stop and give you really detailed directions if you were lost some place. The boys a sweetie. He is conscientious. I think we can say this considering just the sheer amount of charity work that he has been involved in. He cares about more than just himself. And he is appreciative of the fans, not just because he loves them, but because he is so smart. He know that no one buys a horrible persons album. He knows that if he is horrible and unappreciative of his fans and the role they have had on his life that they aren’t going to buy concert tickets. He knows that fame is fleeting. He’s said it more than once through the years, and in their last book, and he knows that he has to take care of what he has both physically and professionally. He has a good name right now, and he knows that he needs to hold onto that because he is conscious enough to realize that the future is still uncertain and that things can change on a dime.

    Sun in 12th

                        You have a tendency to be introspective and need some space and seclusion in order to pull up your strength. He thinks a lot, maybe over thinks sometimes, unless he’s thinking with another part of his anatomy then he doesn’t think enough. You may avoid the spotlight, and if you do find yourself in a public role, you tend to hide your true self behind that role. Is happy, friendly Niall just a front?????? I think it’s just the part that we readily see, but I also think that he’s doing a good job of showing us more of his real self as time goes on.

            Honor your need to be alone with yourself, but avoid over-identifying with your inner world to the point that you truly feel alone in a crowd. I think he has a good balance here. You shine when you serve others in some way. Performing could count as serving here I’d say.

  94 Trine Sun-Uranus

              You easily embrace new ways of doing things, you stick up for the underdog, and you express yourself in unique and inspiring ways. Mr. You don’t pay my bills, they do. You are far from pretentious. I hope. You value honesty and truth, and you avoid putting on airs. Most of the time, but I think he’s mostly no B.S. You possess an unmistakable enthusiasm about life, and generally your life is interesting because you invite unusual or adventurous experiences into your life. He loves life. He knows he’s got it good and he’s enjoying it. There’s no shame in that. You are generally appreciated by others. Yes, everyone loves Niall.

            Nothing really seems to faze you! You take things in stride, and are rarely shocked or taken aback by human behavior. You get the vibe that he’s pretty easy going, but in that, you also get the feeling that he doesn’t really care about a lot of stuff, not deeply anyways. In their last book he spoke some about not feeling homesick ever like some of the other boys, and I thought that was interesting. You never hear about his relationships good or bad, he’s never giddy like Liam and he may talk about stuff that frustrates him, but nothing that’s sad, nothing that really upsets him. He’s very composed. 

              89 Trine Sun-Neptune

              He has a marked appreciation for music, and the arts. Yes. You are naturally compassionate. How many charitable causes does he champion? Niall does more for charity than all the other boys combined, with maybe the exception of Believe in Magic, and definitely more than any popstar I ever hear of.

            Your attraction to spiritually and metaphysical subjects is usually marked. Interesting. These aspects favor writers, artists, and musicians. Writer, musician, yes. You are sensitive to those who are suffering, although you are not usually taken advantage of. He’s too smart for that, I think. You are a humanitarian. Here’s this again. You are not one to dominate others or assert yourself to the point of brashness. I think he gets what he wants though that’s for sure. You have a fertile imagination, full of inspiration, and very emotional, all qualities that you may use on the professional level. Like writing a future number one album. He’s so talented. If people don’t get it they’re nuts. I highly expect him to out sell all of them.

              150 Sextile Sun-Pluto

              It is easy and natural for you to find a passion and pursue it, and to focus on a goal. Yup. You are not much scared of anything. I agree. He doesn’t have much to fear yet because I don’t think he has anything really that he’d be truly frightened to lose. You love a good mystery, and you are adept at solving it. He likes to know how people and things tick. The physical vitality is generally strong, and the body is usually ale to heal quickly. Bionic knee, baby. You are not afraid to get your hands dirty, and you are usually quick to help others, not only with mundane tasks, but also on a spiritual or psychological level. Okay.

            Your insight is sharp and sometimes awe-inspiring. He doesn’t look like he’s a deep thinker or very introspective, but he pays attention and remembers things and people. There was that interview with Louis, Zayn, and Niall at something for Midnight Memories, and Louis said that Niall is the one who always remembers people’s names and stuff about them. He is very sharp and is constantly cataloguing everything.

            You are perceptive and not easily rattled or surprised in life. Because he’s already thought of every possible scenario for any situation more than a few times. He’s ran through all the possibilities and knows he can handle whatever because of that. You are not fond of superficiality, and are generally the first to spot pretense of any kind. In personality at least, but he seems to like rather done up partners. There are two types Niall seems to go for. 1.) Petite, tan, Hispanic looking brunettes or 2.) Tall, too much makeup, fake boobs, fake eyelashes, fake hair, skimpy clothes, and fake blonde hair. Some people with this aspect are perfectionists, demanding much from themselves and reasonable amounts of effort and honesty from others.

    Moon in Leo

              When he feels comfortable, he does like being the center of attention. Even then, I think he’s more comfortable letting someone else fill that role to be honest. That is, they like being in the “spotlight” in the comfort of their own homes and with family and friends. They enjoy entertaining others, and often take on the role of comic. I feel like his house is like a hub, always full of people and friends, always loud and fun. There is always something going on. Lunar Leos often feel a need to organize, and generally like to oversee the goings-on in their inner circle. Micromanaged to within an inch of your life. “What have you eaten?” “Where are you going?” “Call me when you get there.” Is he your mom or your partner?

            This is a rather creative position of the Moon. At the very least, Moon in Leo people want to create and entertain. You can say that again. And they can be a little bossy too. There would be temper tantrums if he didn’t get his way, eight thousand percent.

            When they feel slighted, these people can be dramatic in their emotional displays. More fake tears and throwing himself down on the floor. When their pride has been hurt, they are given to big scenes and sulking. But, but….it’s not fair. Lunar Leos are far too concerned about their image to make splashy scenes outside the comfort of their own homes. He doesn’t want to seem out of control or uncool in any way. Lunar Leos are often personally popular folk. He’s very popular. Generally, it is easy to reason with a Lunar Lion. Appealing to their well-developed sense of fairness usually works well. Unless he feels like huffing and puffing. He can probably be a bit stubborn, but not as much as like Liam or Harry could probably be.

            He is sharp. Very smart. Very witty. He has a great sense of, and respect for, justice. I love it when he rants about politics on Twitter. Fucking sexy. Organizational sense. Mr. Neat Freak. Selectivity in friends, but it not overly influenced by them. He does what he wants. He’s the type who would go to the movies alone if none of his friends wanted to see movie, but he wanted to. Taste for splendor. He seems pretty simple to me, but that might have been his upbringing.

            He is changing and has numerous affections. Is the grass greener on the other side or not? Am I settling? Panic would ensue at every turn. He is emotionally demanding and proud. He won’t let others talk him out of what he wants or what he believes in.

  Moon in 11th

              Lots of friends, relationships. He makes friends easily and uses his relationships to further professional success. Feelings of friendship are sometimes superficial. A lot of his friends are in the industry. I don’t think it’s intentional though, just happenstance.

            This position of the Moon indicated an emotional need for a feeling of belonging with, and support from, friends and associations and groups. He’d be a little lost, but I think he’d manage. You look to acquaintances for support, and offers the same in return. I don’t think he looks for it, but I think he gives a lot of support, help to people. Waxing and waning feelings for others can cause problems in your relationships. This is another staple in his chart. Maybe because he’s got such high expectations. He is never satisfied with anyone. You are a person who is filled with many dreams, wishes, and hope for your future, and most of these are altruistic and good-hearted desires. I hope so. However, you might change your aspirations frequently, with your changing moods, and have a hard time settling on goals to work towards as a result. How long has this album taken, exactly? Just kidding.

    57 Conjunction Moon-Venus

              You are generally amiable and project a soft and yielding manner. You possess natural charm and you are highly imaginative and sympathetic. You can make an excellent mediator and go-between. Yes. You are keenly aware of your need for relationships and for intimacy. He may want someone, but not enough to take them as they are. He wants someone who fits in with his independence, someone whose there, but only when he wants them to be. And people just don’t work like that.

            People appreciate you for your tender heart and friendly, diplomatic disposition. You should enjoy a good measure of personal popularity and success in your life. Yup. At times you can be complacent, downright lazy, and over-indulgent in the “pleasures” of life. He likes to take it easy when it’s time to take it easy.

            You are gracious and warm. I agree. Gracious, definitely. Warm? Maybe lukewarm on a good day.

  Mercury in Libra

              Usually quite diplomatic and tactful, he evaluates and weighs things up endlessly, often to the point of indecisiveness. He has trouble pulling the trigger on some things. He expresses himself clearly. He’s never been “misquoted” or issued a statement and he won’t be because he says what he means. The end.

            Before coming to an opinion on a subject, he listens to the opinions offered by various people and can compare them before making up his own mind.

            Mental affinity in his relationships is paramount. They have to click personality wise if it’s going to last any time at all. And I don’t think he’s had that yet. Insert awkward photo of Niall and Australian girl at café. Gosh he looked constipated.

  Mercury in 1st

              Lively, alert, penetrating and ingenious mind. Ingenious, I’m sure he’d love that. He expresses himself easily, is a born orator. He’s a great storyteller. He always looks on the bright side. Because he’s already went the other direction and knows that if things go badly that he can handle that just as well. He has a plan for everything. Very adaptable. For sure.

            You are mercurial in appearance or manner. He always looks perfectly put together even in sweats. You are adaptable, changeable, easily distracted, versatile, and nimble. He has a precocious manner. Which is how I’ll be describing Niall from here on out.

            Lively and interesting, you quickly adapt to new situations. He takes on different roles in different groups or settings to be who he needs to be at that time, but it never comes off fake though. In fact, you treat most new endeavors with curiosity and great interest. Your first reaction to new stimuli is logical and curious rather than emotional. Logic over emotion again. Logical is another great word to describe Niall.

              242 Conjunction Mercury-Ascendant

                        He is intelligent, with quick and lively reflexes. He is preoccupied by his circle; likes to exchange ideas with his friends, but also with strangers. Of an open nature, he goes out to others.

  Venus in Leo

              This position of Venus can turn humble Virgo Suns into somewhat demanding lovers. He would demand a lot of his significant other, perfection on top of perfection. Enough to give anyone a nervous breakdown. It would be a different story if you tried to tell him that someone flirted with you. He would go full on nuclear meltdown if someone else hit on his partner. That’s when you’ll hear the lion roar…and, no doubt, you’ll want to keep these cats purring. Venus in Leo wants to appear experienced in love, even if they have little or no experience whatsoever. I can see this.

            Venus in Leo people have high expectations. To the point you may feel like nothing you do is right, that you can’t please him no matter what you do. He would need a really confident, outspoken person to combat that. They are really quite big-hearted about most everything else. He would be very generous in love, that’s for sure.

            They are threatened by a relationship that appears to have settled too much or one that’s lost it’s spark. I feel like once he was well and truly interested in someone that he would be stunned by the fear that they may leave him. Old insecurities might creep up and make him feel unworthy so then he’d pull back and lose them before realizing what he did wrong, but it would be too late. “This Town” makes me think of something like this.

            Pleasing Venus in Leo involves paying loads of attention to them. It would mean being someone he and others want to pay attention to. There’s a reason he has been linked to so many celebrities, because he wants people to want what he’s got, to be jealous of him for this, to have the hottest, best girl out there and he won’t settle for anything less. Maybe with time though this will change. The Virgo wants to nipick at partners to make them better for the partner’s sake, but the Leo nitpicks for Leo’s own good.

            Respect and appreciate them always. As you should in every relationship with anyone. They want to be seen as attractive by you, so avoid at all costs putting them down in this area. Fragile ego. You can expect that any letdown will be acted out in a dramatic fashion. He would have bad dramatic breakups. You probably wouldn’t be friends afterward.

            Remind them, in a gentle way, that your emotions count too. He might forget this. If you are feeling a little jealous, let them know. He is one flighty heifer, but he doesn’t come off as unfaithful though a little flattery might push the boundaries. Clearly defined relationship boundaries would be helpful here. Saying you can’t see your ex is not saying that you can’t like their posts or you can’t hug them when you run into them in public even if you meant that it that way. Men don’t understand generalities. You have to be very specific. Always.

            Let them decide where to go on a date, and let them pay too. Bossy little thing. When Venus in Leo feels loved and appreciated, they reward you with loyalty, a big sense of fun, and plenty of physical expressions of their love. Everyone says that when Niall falls that he’ll fall hard, and I believe it.

            Sincere, frank, and warm affections. He is full of tenderness. High hopes in love. He likes to live and satisfy his passions to the fullest. When he is in love I think yes, but I don’t think we’ve seen this part of him yet with anyone.

  Venus in 11th

              Successful professional life in great part due to good relationships, friends, or patrons. One Dream, One Band, One Direction.

            The friendship level of your relationship needs to be genuine in order for him to sustain romantic interest. It would almost have to be this way because he has such trouble truly trusting people, but if his friends like you then you’re automatically have that much more acceptance by association. Thumbs up from the friends is always a big deal anyway, but huge if you wanted get something real started with someone like Niall.

            You tend to focus on a partner’s unique qualities, what makes them the most attractive. The most attractive is important here, what makes them the best there is? Is what this means.

            You may meet lovers through group activities. Friends again. Although you value friendships and group affiliations highly, you might jump into friendships without considering the responsibilities they might entail. They would be level headed to be avoid this in a romantic sense. They would have to be the one to put the breakers on to make sure that he was being one hundred percent earnest and to make sure that he really wanted what he says he does, because he might just think he does.

  150 Sextile Venus-Mars

              He is amorous, not a peaceful and calm lover, but a passionate one with a strong temperament. He is demonstrative in love, and likes healthy pleasures. He enjoys life to the full.

              127 Sextile Venus-Jupiter

              He is good-hearted, generous and has a good character. Definitely a good character, a good person. He likes well-being, comfort, a life without problems. He has to learn how to deal with problems productively or he’ll blow up on someone he really doesn’t want to lose, but it would be too late. He has good relations with his circle. Yes. He is easy to approach. Seems friendly, and very open most of the time. All the same, he falls in love easily. He falls into lust easily, but more of a one and done kind of guy so he doesn’t get attached. He has a successful married and professional life. Hopefully.

            He is hard and does not know how to express his emotions. He seems so put together that expressing how he feels might truly frighten him. He is frightened of showing his love and this leads to disappointment, break-ups, lack of satisfaction. Like I just said. He doesn’t want to put himself out there because he feels like he won’t truly be enough for someone. He has a very relatable mindset here to a lot of insecure people. He doubts, is suspicious and jealous. He is until you get close, probably, yes. He will learn how to be happy in love. If he can find someone who likes all his bad habits, someone he can put on a pedestal not because they’re the best of the best or because they’re perfect, but because they’re them, and they’re the one.

  54 Square Venus-Pluto

              In an attempt to control the outcome of a love relationship, or the loved one’s feelings, you can turn to manipulative games. I can see this. Your feelings are intense, and even extreme, when it comes to love. You easily put pressure on your partner, as you expect much loyalty and honesty in your intimate relationships. To be perfect. To match his high expectations.

            Certainly, you will learn much about yourself through your relationships, and you may not always like what you see. You will meet yourself through your relationships, and you may not always like what you see.

You will meet the darker side of yourself through your relationships, and it will be critical that you recognize it as your own “material” and not project it onto your partner. Hopefully, he has or will realize his pitfalls and fix his own insecurities in regards to others. He sees other couples and they are happy. He doubts his own self then automatically doubts the quality of person he’s with because they wanted to be with him in the first place therefore they automatically must have bad judgement or be using him or something. Letting go of a relationship can be hard for you to do, especially if your Venus is in a fix sign like Leo. Which it is. I’ll never have that again or feel that way again. He’d be plagued by what ifs and would try to “fix” what went wrong, stopping himself from moving forward. He’d try to get back together with someone, but they won’t want that making him feel even more insecure and obsessive. He might romanticize his past relationships even if at the time he was miserable.

  Mars in Libra

              Decisiveness is not their strong point, but they do, eventually, get things done. Here is this indecisiveness again.

            They always play innocent when challenged, and can generally charm the birds out of the trees to win your favor. He does look very innocent. Passive-aggressiveness is practically the hallmark of this position. Big time, I think. On the other hand, some Mars in Libra people turn the Mars energy into action, and they fight for Libran justice and fairness in the world. He might do something here in the future.

            Mars in Libra people are adept at predicting when problems and discord will occur well in advance. So he can get the heck out of dodge. They know how to compromise and are excellent at conflict management. He would be a good mediator because he can see all the sides of something.

  Mars in 1st

              He gets carried away a lot. By a lot. Great spirit of enterprise. He has a lot of ingenuity.    

He tends to begin new endeavors with gusto, although follow-through is not necessarily indicated by this position alone. He can be fiercely independent, and he is usually direct and straightforward. Very independent. Likes to do things alone. Genuinely believes he can do anything he needs to do on his own, he can accomplish whatever he needs to without help from anyone.    

            Some might stir up trouble, whether consciously or unconsciously, when he is bored.

  209 Conjunction Mars-Jupiter

              He has a good sense of organization, he is jovial, frank, and sincere. He is full of dynamism and over-abundant energy. He loves life and takes all it has to offer. He likes sports and the outdoor life. Golfing. Soccer. He likes being active. Don’t see him wanting to go like camping or anything though. He is successful professionally and emotionally.         

            He is honest and forthright in his dealing with others, and he tends to trust others readily.

              47 Trine Mars-Saturn

              He is energetic and determined. He has strength and resistance, ability and patience. He does seem very patient and cool headed. He puts all his energy and talents into overcoming all the obstacles to his success. He has the proper drive to achieve his ambitions which is why he makes it.

            He is obstinate, calculating, does not take on anything without having thought of all the possible consqequences, he can take all the time in the world and never loses patience to achieve his objectives. He is literally going to take over the world one day. Y’all wait and see. He is not particularly popular in this circle, but he is feared and respected. Smack talk café astrology style.

  37 Square Mars-Uranus

              He is full of contradictions. What he wants verses what he needs. He fights to the bitter end to overcome hurdles, and has the strength to overcome them.

  34 Square Mars-Neptune

              This is a challenging position, as you have difficulty trusting in your ability to go after things that you want in a direct manner. Professional life. It may also be that you have difficulty pinpointing what it is that you want, or that part of you doesn’t feel you deserve it due to a basic lack of self-confidence. You fear rejection as well as criticism, and often use roundabout means to go after what you want. Friends to source information on if someone is interested in him or not. He relies on others to promote him because he doesn’t feel like he could or should toot his own horn.

            You easily imagine things going wrong, just as you easily fantasize about good things. Although you can be very creative at keeping your motives and personal agenda hidden, in fact, many of you seem on the surface of things to be quite gentle and yielding. He seems like a bit of a push over, but if you’ve ever listened to Niall talk you know he’s not.

            You are often passive-aggressive in your approach to others. Passive-aggressive again. You are usually found of chasing a dream. Is the solo career his dream or is it something else altogether. Adopting a more direct and assertive approach to life is something that you should be working towards. Without being an arsehole.

            Learning to take responsibility for your actions, and to avoid blaming others for failures, is important. To say or do this is how I feel. It isn’t someone else making me feel this way, it’s my choice to feel this way. No one can make you feel anything that isn’t in you already.

            At your worst you can be disorganized in your approach to life, easily procrastinating and lacking follow-through when you do begin a task. I can see this. Some of the most important lessons you need to learn in life are self-control, self-assertion, and trust in yourself. I think he’s working toward this. At your best, you are a creative person with a powerful imagination and great stores of compassion. Niall Horan is a good man I’m tellin ya.

  Jupiter in Libra

              He attracts the most good fortune when he is fair-minded, treats others with equality, is bending without being a doormat, is gracious, and uses his talents at promoting and mediating. Politics are a possible avenue for success. Ohhh,,,,

            Jupiter in 1st

              He is jovial, expansive, dynamic, kindly, and altruistic. He has good judgement, is tolerant and likes food. He has a good education and a prosperous life. He’s very bright despite not finishing school. Intelligence isn’t gained by simply going to school, but by having the will to learn, curiosity.

  6 Trinue Jupiter-Saturn

              He is serious, patient, honest, hard-working, and orderly. He’s very orderly, very pulled together. His judgment is good and he thinks things over. Maybe too much. He pursues his objectives to the bitter end, usually knowing when to choose the right moment. Very determine again. He is upright and respects the law. I bet he doesn’t even speed. He probably drives like an old lady.

  70 Square Jupiter-Uranus

              He is too independent and his liberty is all-important. Even though he wants someone, he only wants them on his terms. He wants someone some of the time, but not all of the time, and that causes conflict. He has a number of internal tensions. He battles with himself.

  60 Square Jupiter-Neptune

              He is easily influenced. He is a dreamer, who lets himself be seduced by fine words, which are not always sincere. He does not see wickedness and is often fooled by people. He could be fooled or tricked by people, but he really does seem to be too smart for this. I hope so anyways.

  Saturn in Aquarius

              Long-term studies, and if family circumstances do not allow this, he will teach himself. The guitar? He is serious and methodical in work. Like recording in his underwear at every available opportunity, yes, he is very serious.

  Saturn in 5th

              He likes method, calculation, concentration. He is not drawn towards amusements, or please in general. He likes a list. He likes having something to do, to accomplish. He has few friends, but has deep and sincere feelings. He has deep feelings for a very select few, even his family could be shunted here, I think. He is serious in everything. Most things. You’ll want to laugh and have fun, and he won’t. When he’s being goofy though its only okay for him. He expects others to maintain their composure at all times.

  78 Square Saturn-Pluto

              He is not open for other’s ideas, especially if they are free-thinking. He is an egoist and has a narrow mind. He does in some things for sure.

  Uranus in Capricorn

 His mission in society, in the world means everything to him. He wants to affect change, to use his position to really help and that’s admirable.

  Uranus in 4th

              He does not like bureaucracy, administration, and has problems as a result. Politics. He doesn’t like people who only see things one way. He has avant-garde ideas, he is original and does not tolerate constraints on his freedom. I see him as being very left wing, very liberal.

  2 Sextile Uranus- Pluto

              He fights to improve his daily life, he is persevering. He constantly wants to improve.

  Neptune in Capricorn

              He is discerning, wise, and sensible. True.

  Neptune in 4th

              He succeeds thanks to brilliant and unusual ideas. This album should be a reflection of that. Slow Hands and This Town are already so different, I think he’s album should be quite different.

            Ascendant in Libra

              Everybody seems to like Libra Ascendant natives. They just come across as nice, pleasant, and fair. Him, for sure. Look a little closer at their lives, and these nice people may have had quite a few problems in their relationship. Some of them have had a string of relationships, and it can be hard to imagine why! He’s too picky. He’s standards are too high. He’s nitpicky. And the sheer number of partners would put some people off.

            Libra rising generally appear to be smoothing everything over. They have charming smiles, a gentle approach with others, an easygoing image. Most pay a lot attention to their personal appearance, the colors they wear, their hair, the way they walk. Very meticulous, to be honest.

            Libra rising people can be enormously persuasive, although they will almost always use a “soft sell” approach when they want to win others over, which is all the time. It’s never him, it’s anyone’s fault, but Niall’s fault. A tendency to pass the buck and keep up that “nice guy” image are their worst qualities. However, they can make excellent mediators and will generally be the first to accommodate you. Very friendly and open. Libra rising natives are usually attracted to competent, active partners. He wants someone busy with their own lives, not entirely dependent on him. Their relationships are characterized by bickering or competitiveness until they learn to drop their sweet image once in a while and to stop blaming their partners for everything that goes wrong.

  House 2 in Libra

              Income may come through artistic expression. Café astrology predicts the future once again. Partnerships can help further financial goals. Success in a collab song, maybe?

  House 3 in Scorpio

              Makes a good investigator because he is very curious, likes researching and does this with a lot of patience, likes to solve mysteries. Knows how to take risks, while being aware of the dangers. This is about everything. EVERYTHING.

  House 4 in Capricorn

              After working all his life to obtain his objectives and finally having reached that goal, he wants to retire in peace and quiet and to have a retirement full of contemplation, with few tasks, close to nature. As he was very careful with money all his life, he will administer the properties he has acquired. Niall is ready to retire now, play golf all day and watch his grandkids. He would have been retired at 35 even without the stardom.

  House 5 in Aquarius

              He is also a friend one can count on.

  House 6 in Pisces

              Job in commerce. Making money, honey.

  House 7 in Aries

              Doesn’t want to change his habits, so domestic quarrels to be foreseen. Cause he’s a stubborn piece of poo.

  House 8 in Aries

  House 9 in Taurus

              Doesn’t change principles, practically never changes his mind. On anything

  House 10 in Cancer

              Likes contact with the public, the crowd. Profession that involves meeting a lot of people. Professional success thanks to sense of duty and application to work. This is his actual fortune.

  House 11 in Leo

              Friends are not always chosen by chance. Even if the feelings of friendship are sincere, these friends must automatically bring something, professional help for example. A lot of his friends are professionals in the industry.

  House 12 in Virgo

              Work in a research lab. Fan fic meticulous lab tech Niall who is finicky about his beakers, please and thank you.

  This is totally credited to café astrology. I am not an astrologer just a fan. So, keep that in mind.

I used 8:04 a.m. birthtime and his birthday 9/13/1993.

[930club]

ALBUM REVIEW: J. Cole - 4 Your Eyez Only

Ten featureless tracks of hard-hitting, brilliant, and bluesy hip-hop. If you haven’t yet listened to J. Cole’s new album, 4 Your Eyez Only, it’s one of my New Year’s resolutions to change that ASAP. Never heard of J. Cole? Take it from credible sources like Drake, Jay Z, Kevin Durant, and even President Obama that this 31-year-old rapper’s music is what you should be filling your ears with in 2017. This album is especially resonant in the modern environment of police brutality, but the album doesn’t ring as aggressively as those from Cole’s colleagues in the rap game. Each song chronicles a story, manifesting countless emotions and painting a deep, pensive lament, as opposed to the shallow picture of rage that is easier to understand. “The voice of the voiceless,” as Ibrahim Haram (@KingOfQueenz) calls Cole, his album generates a parallel story from a perspective that isn’t his, as many fans theorized. Confirmed by co-producer Elite, who says, “the album is largely from a perspective that is not J. Cole[‘s],” 4 Your Eyez Only humanizes the problems existing for countless, platform-less African Americans today via an allegory lived by Cole’s friend, James MacMillan Jr. (name changed for privacy). Elite also touches on just how important keeping the theme, message, and commentary clear was in choosing the tracks to include on the album. The result is a craftily-curated album that tells the story of someone who is gone to their daughter. Cole, a social media hermit, has yet to confirm whether his friend is the subject matter, but regardless, the vibrancy of the feelings expressed, paired with the truth in the general stories, gives a voice to those people lost in the discriminatory system.

The first track, “For Whom the Bell Tolls,” sets the morose tone of the platform J. Cole uses to deliver his heavy message. The vibe-machine triplets, paired with flugelhorn licks soaring above, create space for a waterfall of thoughts about death, its inevitability, and what should be done in the meantime to make life worthwhile.  Lines like “Do I wanna die? I don’t know” and “Tired of feelin’ low, even when I’m high” pivot off of themes in Cole’s previous albums, highlighting his own depression. The song is not so self-indulgent, instead representing the pain and exasperation that comes from the deaths of many. A reflection on his current environment, Cole’s titling of the song could be paying homage to two artistic works: a poem by John Donne bearing the same name, or the famous work by Ernest Hemmingway.  Donne’s poem preaches peace; the lines “Each man's death diminishes me, For I am involved in mankind. Therefore, send not to know For whom the bell tolls, It tolls for thee” connect the speaker to the death of others. This is especially pertinent in the plight of African Americans during the search for a solution to systematic violence and institutionalized racism in the United States. J. Cole echoes this tone as he hears the bell getting louder; preparing for death, searching for a solution, but knowing the bell tolls for “he” (whether it is his perspective or James’). Ernest Hemmingway’s novel recounts the story of an American soldier in the Spanish Civil War, in which case the title could act as a parable for the man whose story Cole is telling. The friend is also a soldier, but in the fight against poverty through pushing drugs. In both stories, the soldier meets a girl (see later songs) and no longer wants to be a part of the war.

“Immortal” answers the panicked searching of the first track with powerful solace. The song is “ripe with pain” and raw energy toward deaths of people of color. Cole’s friend, who was a drug dealer killed, is most likely the subject of this track as Cole has previously made known that he never dealt. His answer to the macabre musings in the previous track is that “real n***as don’t die.” This line serves to remind the public that those who died, if seen as good in the eyes of loved-ones, don’t really die. By impacting others, their impression remains long after they pass. The aggressive nature of the song and the tough-guy bite to the verse adds another meaning to the line. It’s almost as if “James” is convincing himself that if he’s a “real n***a,” he won’t die. Someone close to me once said that risky business pays off, but you live a life convincing yourself that “bad things happen to other people.” This cocky attitude and the payoff of the business usually keep people in it for life.

“Deja Vu” tells the story of a girl Cole couldn’t catch due to her status as a friend’s girlfriend. The song resonates in that lonely space in the head of anyone eyeing a crush from a distance. A familiar theme in previous Cole albums, the story of an untouchable femme this time takes a different ending. Manifested in the bitter hook that “she f*** with small town n****s, I got bigger dreams,” he takes a new course of action: focusing on his dreams. The tone is more laidback; instead of pushing for the girl and having his way, he talks himself down while the girl’s voice (sung by a background singer) echoes close enough to hear, but tauntingly distant.

Though Cole seems to sit steady with his bigger dreams by the end of the previous track, the next song, “Ville Mentality,” recounts a melancholy awakening to the fact that things won’t change if dreams stay dreams. In his 2014 documentary, Forest Hills Drive: Homecoming, he talks about how people in his hometown may have dreams, but the mentality is to put your head and heart into the limited opportunities available in small towns to simply survive. The term “ville mentality” was first coined in his track “Can I Holla At Ya” on his extended playlist “Truly Yours.” This theme resonates through the entire album, where J. Cole’s friend, who chooses to deal, questions, “How long will I survive with this mentality?” Featuring a girl from a school in Fayetteville (Cole’s hometown), the existence of this reality is proliferated when her interview talks about losing her dad in a set up. Artistically, the girl’s voice appears as the voice of Cole’s friend’s daughter, to whom he is telling the story, bringing humility to the nameless who are affected by loss like this. In reality, the fact that Cole can pull stories like this from random children at a school in Fayetteville emanates the album’s higher message and is quite possibly the reason Cole doesn’t reveal who the album is about. It isn’t just about his friend or Cole himself – it is about anyone who is given limited opportunity and does all they can to be stable in their world, but remains trapped, unable to touch their true dreams. The unequal opportunities for African Americans – the tendency for them to systematically be pushed into this trap – is substantiated by the song “Immortal” with the lines, “They tellin' n****s sell dope, rap or go to NBA, in that order. It's that sort of thinkin' that been keepin' n****s chained At the bottom and hanged,” perfectly summing up the mentality.

“She’s Mine Pt. 1” has one of the most haunting piano, string, and vocal melodies I have recently found in hip-hop. That’s of course an opinion, but the simplistic production that backs the poem in the verse softens the entire album up until this point. Falling in love for the first time – a feeling exposed in many songs, at many tempos, in many tonalities, in many genres – is here painted in a melancholy, bluesy timbre. I feel the pain and fear that is trying to let go and fall in slow motion toward someone else. The climax of the album’s storyline is represented in this track; he “Don't wanna die (Don't wanna die no more).” The voice now has someone to live for, the modal harmony representing the fear and sadness in minor and beauty and power in major resolve. Now, of all moments, is where someone trapped in a dangerous life wants out the most, foreshadowing the falling action in the album.

The first verse of “Change” recounts the themes of wisdom and confidence in “Immortality,” but in a less aggressive, more upbeat fashion. It’s almost as if Cole is no longer convincing himself through his spirituality that “real n****s don’t die.” He is at peace with the idea that God realizes people make mistakes and intuitively knows that things change — that there are always better days. “The only real change come from inside” proves that fear, pessimism, and living one’s failure is a self-fulfilled prophecy. The best thing one can do is have faith in change and continue to do the things that are right. Cole condemns opulence and materialism in his reference to the “prodigal son,” warning that luck shouldn’t be confused with reward. Faith must be lived out, with change coming from inside, constantly pushing against the vile mentality without “neglecting the execution.” He dissuades against “following homies” because time is too short to live based on what the outside tells to you do. Instead, decisions should be based on love, not economics, as well as on yourself and who you want to be at the end of the day. The end of the verse is the first mention of James MacMillan Jr.’s death and combines the inner desires for vengeance with the speaker’s words in a vigil. Thoughts of vengeance revert the song’s theme back to the tragedy that the black community often faces, inspiring cyclical violence in revenge –  a cycle that comes when people “Give up, give in, (and)…move back a little.” Change can come from the perception of death and whether the resulting actions of those effected will change them in a way that pushes people closer to the edge of more death, or whether it will convince them to break out in desperation to change to something better.

The song “Neighbors” is purportedly “inspired by true events,” and Elite talks about the story behind the album in his interview with Complex. Sheltuh, where a lot of the songs on the album are creatively rooted, is a house that Cole rents in North Carolina as a safe space for Dreamville artists and collaborators to work on their art in peace. The house is in a predominantly white neighborhood and with mostly African American artists arriving and hanging around the space, the nearby neighbors became paranoid enough that a “million-dollar investigation” with a SWAT team commenced. Fortunately, all of the artists were out of the house and audio engineer Juro “Mez” Davis came back from his lunch break to watch the investigation fail miserably, as all they could find was a studio. This story and the song incepted are the perfect example of what causes the cyclical violence. J. Cole has no record, so for a large investigation to be called on assumption indicates the institutionalized racism in our country. It’s racism that Cole wants to escape, but honestly thinking he can’t is something that shakes the very foundation of equal protection in our country. If everyone scoffs at your dreams, “Even when your crib sit on a lake, Even when your plaques hang on a wall, Even when the president jam your tape,” it makes one want to give up. People will believe what they want, so Cole says he is selling dope, “so much for integration, don’t know what I was thinkin’,” something unfathomable by those privileged enough to be born out of such of a reality. Why would he give up if that is what this whole album is about? The enterprising sarcasm in this song is also answered by change that comes from the inside. If instead of making your life about what others want – striving for the “right” promotions, the “right” image – you will BE someone to everyone else, but you might not DO anything. It is a matter of choosing which is most important to you and sticking to what comes from within.

Refusing to dwell in the mentality for too long, Cole returns to the feeling of escape and love with “Foldin Clothes.” The groove on this track is funky as hell and one can’t help but smile at a whole song about doing laundry for a loved one. Whimsical lines about almond milk, Netflix, and other “simple things” that “say ‘I love you’” draw the listener in. After all, “The right thing, feels so much better than the wrong thing,” and this song makes you feel good. The pacing of the piece lets people feel comfortable in the love and the escape from the hard-hitting reality. It doesn’t rest in funky love for too long, though; as in life, the track returns to the hard-hitting reality that is amplified by contrast in the third verse. It lays out the reality of living the hustle. “N****s in the hood is the best actors” because they act the second life, abandoning sweetness for a struggle, not letting their brothers see they’re “soft.” Living a second life like that hardens one’s soul and confuses a person’s reality with what they feel they must do to survive. This is the true plague of the ville mentality: the situation that African Americans live in today puts them in such a place that it isn’t a choice to be rough and hard because it’s cool – it’s a choice of survival. Not only is the lifestyle dangerous, unfair, and unfulfilling, but many people who exist on the other side only see it through a rose-colored window pane in pop culture. This is confirmed in the final track, “4 Your Eyez Only,” where the third verse laments the skewed version of what a “real n****” is” set by mixtapes, friends, and so on.

“She’s Mine Pt. 2” represents the falling in love that happens upon the birth of your first child. Again, the haunting mode develops a melancholy picture where, after bringing someone into the world out of love, there is pain in introducing them to the world of materialism, violence, and fear – a world where a father isn’t even sure if he is strong enough to quit his bad habits for something that feels so brilliant. The narrative on the album further emerges, supporting the theory about it being from another man’s perspective, as Cole seems to talk to a small girl. The power and spiritual awakening that come from the gifted moments in life are enough to make one question their lifestyle and bring change from within. Unfortunately, though, change needs to come from everyone’s insides to change to the world — it is not a magic wand that can make the evil disappear.

The resolve in finding someone or something bigger than you is beautiful and heartbreaking. The heartbreak comes at the end of the story, in the next track, “4 Your Eyez Only.” Our narrator lets his dreams fade for “far too long” and he faces “deadly consequences” – the death foreshadowed in “Change.” The verse outlines the crooked system that washes away the dreams of Cole’s friends, replacing them with the “ville mentality.”  The stress of providing for a wife and family is all he can think of, and his only wish is that his daughter can understand him through the verse. He hopes that she understands that no one is born with the mentality, praying that she can be tired of the lifestyle before it even takes over her dreams. The “real n****” created by the media, mentioned above, and preached by the father-to-be is, in fact, false. He asks that she find someone with goals and points of view – things that J. Cole preaches helped bring him out of poverty. In the final verse, Cole raps in his own words to his friend’s daughter, telling her about when her daddy told him what to say. Cole’s perspective rings loud and clear when he recounts all the things that her dad did that could have made him a “real n****” in some people’s eyes. Pushing with all his lyrical and artistic might, Cole wants to her know: “Your daddy was a real n**** ‘cause he loved you.”

That line shook me and caused me to shed some tears because somehow love, education, and unique perspectives have lost power to what it takes to survive in your own skin. For some people, this is doing drugs; for others, it is making money, but I sincerely hope that in the new year, everyone finds something that is bigger than themselves, even if it means pushing against what everyone else says is cool and likeable. Change is inevitable, but channeling the direction of that change is not. Change comes from within, and I wish for everyone to keep looking inside themselves in order to send that change in the right direction for you, even if it’s along the road less traveled. J. Cole recognizes that the type of change needed to heal wounds isn’t going to be easy, but his perspective is real in my eyes, and real isn’t always easy.

-Erin Jones

[prismbursts]

Muse List - Mobile Version

I just realized I probably should have done this much sooner but below the cut you find the quick summary of my muses for those who are stuck on mobile!

All verses given are essentially negotiable, if a muse does not have a verse according to the brief overview, just ask me and I will come up with something!

Canon:

Ignes Kravei - Noblesse.   ( Verses for Dragon Age, Elder Scrolls, Game of Thrones and Witcher.  ) On the outside, Ignes appears a cheerful and sociable person - however, underneath lies a highly unstable woman, thirsty for power and control over others, craving recognition for her talents, yet more often than not reprimanded for her highly prominent sadism and unstable mood that will often cause her to lash out in anger at others.Blessed with a bright mind, she is passionate about her research and about her art, the only way in which she ever expresses herself.  

Aelinore du Biquard - Dragon’s Dogma (Verses for Dragon Age and general historical/fantasy settings)  Duchess Aelinore de Biquard is a sweet and quite naive girl - she is used to the sun, to flowers, beauty, music and art and does not feel at home by the side of her new husband, Duke Edmun Dragonsbane, a man significantly older than her. It is in the Gardens of the castle that she finds refuge in this place that usually does nothing but frighten and depress her. A rather shy and inexperienced girl, she usually stays out of the public eye, though she still becomes known as a humble and generous Lady, embodying the feminine ideal of the polite, merciful and sincere angel by the side of a strict ruler for a sovereign.

Samson Raleigh - Dragon Age Oh Samson, knight in red, how did all slip from his hands? Once brave and bold, he is now little but a shadow of the man he once was. Driven by his own despair and rage, he presses ever forward into his doom, willingly accepting the blood that will be spillt in the name of a tomorrow that promises the hope of being better than the yesterday he remembers. Under Corypheus' command, he leads the Templars tainted by red lyrium, monsters that were his brothers and sisters in arms - as they die on the battlefield, he dies inside just the same, battling his inner demons and what little sensibility might be left to warn him of the damnation waiting by the end of the road he insists on walking.

Historia Reiss - Attack on Titan. A bastard princess, raised on the countryside with nothing but a mother who despises her and a kind older girl she can never remember. After being forced to take another name and join the Scouts to lose her life as hero, she finally comes into her own as she embraces her name and, finally, takes her throne once the truth about the wall is uncovered.

Lord Maduke - Noblesse, with verses for Dragon Age, modern and fantasy Lord of Lords, he who rose above all others through treachery, striking at the right angles at the right moments. As the Lord of Werewolves, Maduke is a man made of greed, suspicion and loneliness, always filling the void with power and violence, both in excessive amounts. As one of the leaders of the Union, he is the devil on mankind's shoulder - war and chaos is part of his design, from the crusades to the modern middle east, they all serve his goals: the whole world at his feet, eventually. He will not stop at anything

Cerys an Craite - Witcher (Verses for Dragon Age, other fantasy negotiable) Cerys was set out to shine. While her brother is known as a strong warrior, she is rather known for her reasonable, sensible nature - unlike many of her peers, Cerys is a young woman who tends to think before she acts. However, once she has decided to make her move, there is little that could possibly stop her. This combination of reason, patience and iron will made her, finally, take the throne of Skellige after the death of King Bran. From that day on, Cerys an Craite shall be the first woman on the throne of Skellige, driven by iron determination to unite the Jarls and bring peace and prosperity to the islands.

Miraak - Elder Scrolls Born in the late Merethic Era, Miraak rose to the rank of Highpriest on Solstheim fairly early in his life. Nothing of his human years remains in the fourth Era: immortalized as the Traitor, the Champion of Hermaeus Mora and the First Dragonborn. Even after millenia of imprisonment in Apocrypha, Miraak’s keen intelligence and thirst for power and freedom did not dull in the least.  Through the power of his stones, his influence on Solstheim grows with each day, giving him the ability to appear to select individuals in their dream or even observe through the eyes of the Indoctrinated. In order to acquire the necessary power to break free from Apocrypha, he will go to any lengths and all deceptions.

Original Characters:

Janna Lucretia - Multifandom, esp. Dragon Age, Elder Scrolls, Witcher, but adaptable to pretty much everything A wordly woman, aware of fashion, of social customs, of trends, of laws written and unwritten, Janna knows how to maneuver social situations with poise and grace. Non-confrontational by nature, she is driven by the current, following the general opinion, finely attuned to public perceptions of her.

Thomas Summers - Fandomless, adaptable to everything He, who devotes his heart to God is often frowned upon, either as mindless, or else as rotten, as superstitious, as many things he might or might not be. Thomas is possibly none of that - merely one man trying to bring the same hope, strength and faith he feels into the hearts of others, trying to assist them both when they have reason to thank the Lord as well as dire times when they no longer know whether their faith might be as empty as some would tell them.  The young man found solace in religion early on - having grown up in the countryside of Cornwall, England, he mostly remained untouched by the bitterness and grievances of the world. From a young age he felt as though helping people might be his true calling - it was in his difficult teenage years that he realized that his faith is the pillar of goodness and strength many people lack. And so, he chose to follow his heart into a calling drawn into ill regard lately.

Request Muses:

Muses I only write on request for specific plotted threads. If there is a character you would love to see me playing, approach me! So far played on this blog:

Jean Kirstein (SnK)

Daenerys Targaryen (GoT)

[cedarrrun]

How one writer combined her yoga practice with her Christian faith to find true spiritual awakening.

People often think that yoga and religion are two separate things. And while that may be true for some, yoga and religion are intertwined for others. Here’s one yogi’s story of how her Catholic faith impacted her practice.

I walked into the high-ceilinged, sunny-yellow Philadelphia yoga studio with ebonyashes clouding my skin. The mark, smeared across my forehead earlier that day by an old man’s thumb, was less a cross and more of a faded, L-shaped blotch.

It was 4:30 p.m. on Ash Wednesday, the first day of Lent, and I noticed that no one else in the class had a similar mark. I hadn’t had ashes on my forehead since I was in Catholic high school more than 10 years ago. When I was young, I learned that we wore ashes as a public admission of guilt—an expression of a deep and incomprehensible sorrow. Back then, I knew I was supposed to spend Lent correcting my faults, purifying my heart, and controlling my desires, the way Jesus had when he was allegedly tempted by Satan as he spent 40 days in the desert.

I, on the other hand, had carried my lavender yoga mat past a red-and-gold Om symbol painted on a wall next to copper statues of Buddha and Ganesh, inhaled smokey sandalwood incense, laid out my mat, and dropped down into Balasana (Child’s Pose). My knees splayed out wide past my bare feet, my arms stretched forward to the top of the mat, my ash-anointed forehead touched, in humility, rubber over hardwood floor.

See also Do You Really Know the True Meaning of Yoga? Thoughts from a British Indian Yogi

The sounds of flutes and sitars and Indian devotional music played in the background, and a slender, soft-voiced yoga teacher advised us to clear our minds, focus on being present, and to set an intention for our practice.

Earlier, at church, a kind and graying priest had advised worshipers not to “give something up” for Lent, but to instead be fully present to God—the divine—in ourlives. In the modern, minimalistic church, with its familiar central crucifix and ornate portraits of saints and the Virgin Mary lining the sunlit walls, I had felt as much at home as I did now in the yoga studio. The pews had been packed to capacity for Ash Wednesday, with people crowding in the back vestibule, coats still on, like my family always had when we’d arrived late to Christmas mass.

In the humid, heated yoga room, class was filled to its highest capacity as well—not because of a day-of, religious obligation, but because it was a community yoga class costing only $7, rather than the usual $15. A crowded class (or church, for that matter) never bothered me, really. But today I was dimly aware of the mark on my forehead, my struggles with faith readily visible to all. I rose from Child’s Pose to stand with the other spandex-clad men and women on a sea of neon mats, our legs locked in Vrksasana (Tree Pose) and our hands in Namaskarasana.

Searching through my Catholic faith in my late 20s sometimes feels empty and regressive. There are so many reasons to not believe in it: abusive pedophiliac priests, lack of equal respect for women, blatant disregard for LGBTQ people I hold so dearly. Unsurprisingly, for years since college, I’ve been more comfortable with yoga mats and meditations rather than confession and unrelenting guiltI learned to bear from rigid nuns in brown habits when I was young and still clapped blackboard erasers.

See also Q&A: What's So Sacred About the Number 108?

Tomaine and her mother praying at the Cathedral Basilica of Saints Peter & Paul.

I remember being a child in a wooden pew wearing flowery dresses on Easter and contemplating, in an abstract and sanitized way, what it would have felt like to have iron nails put through my hands. I pictured the blood running out in neat rivulets, always imagining it as a manageable pain, something confined, before drifting off to other daydreams and bemusements. In my world, my concept of pain was not enough to understand the gory and impossible torture of an actual crucifixion. Everything is neatly packaged when you are 11, delivered in a picture book both palatable and disturbing—a story accepted and then dismissed.

But at 28 years old, I haven’t just been searching for faith, but also for a sense of self I seem to have lost somewhere between growing up and post-college malaise—learning that I wasn’t going to marry that guy or the one after that. I also wasn’t going to have the perfect career and easily sketched life I’d imagined for myself all those years. Somewhere along the line, I realized, with a staggering jolt, that I didn’t have all the answers, nor would I. This realization of how little I knew led me on a bumpy path back to a yoga mat, a church pew, and finally, after years of shying away from the one thing that had always made me, me: writing again.

I started writing in tiny notebooks, in notes on my iPhone, on airplanes, waiting in line outside free concerts. If I’ve learned anything of value so far, it’s that spirituality is intrinsic to the writing process, because creativity itself is justa form of spirituality. What is a writer if not someone, as William Faulkner put it, attempting to understand and convey “the human heart in conflict with itself?” And is spirituality not just trying to understand that same heart? A search for peace and meaning and inner strength? A way to slow down in a world where it is all too easy to speed up until one day you wake up old and wrinkled, and you cry, looking back, thinking, “That was my life.” Fiction, poetry, nonfiction—these are all really just attempts at divinity.

See also 9 Top Yoga Teachers Share How They 'Talk' to the Universe

For years, I had stopped writing, practicing yoga regularly, and praying, allowing myself to sink into a daily fray—worrying about the unruly edges of my life, how things were not settling how I wanted them to. I lost my true sense of awe and wonder, of spirituality. I was overwhelmed, instead, by personal tragedies and plans gone awry, at heartache and mistakes that built up into disillusionment and depression. But, I also think, like almost any great religious story—whether it be Jesus wandering off into a desert in Israel or Luke Skywalker flying off on a spiritual quest to Dagobah—there comes a universal knowledge that to find yourself, and your true voice, you must first lose everything and build up from the dirt.

Over time, I shifted direction. I began walking out of my personal desert—a place where I had felt lonely and entitled, angry at my life for not unfolding asI imagined. AndI started being more humble: accepting that even if some people involved in the church were terrible, that didn’t make faith terrible. I started going to yoga, not to improve my form, but to calm my mind.

I began to, slowly, feel happy again. I started laughing more, and talking more, and drinking more red wine. I started meditating. I went to yoga classes regularly again. I started praying again, in odd, awkward moments, as I’d done as a girl. I focused seriously on meditation in a way that felt not at all incongruous with blessing myself with the sign of the cross as I lay in the dark, reading Psalms from my iPhone Bible before bed.

See also 5 Ways to Turn a Mental Breakdown into a Spiritual Breakthrough

"Spirituality, both in yoga classes and in prayer, simply became my non-acceptance of my predicament." - Gina Tomaine

I prayed when I needed a parking spot. I prayed when there was airplane turbulence. I prayed when I felt anxious about a conversation or a relationship. I prayed thanks when I had a piece of writing published. I prayed thanks when I was laying in Half Pigeon Pose. I prayed for my family.

When I prayed, I said that I wasn’t sure if what I was praying for was the right thing, but if God could just do whatever was right, I would be OK with it. It didn’t even matter if anyone was listening—capital G God or anyone at all—it just mattered that I had finally learned, once and for all, that everything was not up to me.

I started to shake myself out of whatever had been holding me. I did legs up the wall every night. Psalms told me, “You are fearfully and wonderfully made.” I started acting fearfully and wonderfully made.

Spirituality, both in yoga classes and in prayer, simply became my non-acceptance of my predicament. I didn’t consciously decide I wanted to be Christian again, but it was a survivalist instinct. If I wanted to live and not just exist, I hadto let myself believe again. It was as simple, and perhaps as childish, as that. Spirituality became my decision to transcend depression, emotional malaise, and discontent, and instead worship the creative process, the divine in everyday life, and the things I loved about the world. After all, how we are all cosmically connected and divine is real—and I would rather believe it and be called foolish than die faithless, cynical, and smart.

See also 3 Things I Learned After Taking a Break from My Yoga Practice

At the end of yoga class on Ash Wednesday, I sat up straight, cross-legged, breathing heavy with eyes gently shut. My ashes were sweaty on my forehead, my yoga tights sticking to my thighs. I felt emptied and grateful,reminded thatI am dust.

Our teacher offered an option for our final pose: “Rest your hands on your knees facing down if you are searching for answers within yourselves,” she said.

Without a thought, I placed my hands down on my knees.

“Or,” she continued, “rest your hands on your knees facing up if you are searching for answers from the universe.”

I flipped my hands facing up.

“Namaste,” we said, in unison.

The week after that, I read another Bible verse; I wrote another poem, another essay, another short story; I took another yoga class; I rose up into Warrior Pose II before transitioning into a twist, my hands folded softly together in Prayer Pose, my breath moving steadily, my heart open.

About the Author

Gina Tomaine is a Philadelphia-based writer and editor. She is currently Deputy Lifestyle Editor of Philadelphia magazine, and previously served as Associate Deputy Editor of Rodale’s Organic Life. She’s been published in Prevention, Women’s Health, Runner’s World and more. Learn more at ginatomaine.com.