#this whole thing was written at 2 in the morning so this is not coherent at ALL

[abigmessofablog]

I'm sure I'm probably not the first person to note this but the reason so many works derivative of The Hobbit and The Lord of The Rings fails to capture the magic of those works is the lack of the hobbityness

Tolkien was, obviously, entirely aware of he common fantasy and fairytale tropes he was playing off of and they're present in his work (placing the proper king on the throne, elves and dwarves, main character who's hesitant to start his heros journey, dragons, ext) but if need be, these elements will be sidelined to emphasize the Hobbitish philosophy about the importance of comfort and good food and so on and so forth. (Thorin's death speech, Frodo's "I can't recall the taste of food, nor the touch of grass" ext)

Warning; super long, barely readable meta rant written at 2AM below

I've seen people say in any other story, Aragorn would be the main character of LOTR and I can agree with that but I'd argue you can kinda say the same thing about Thorin. Aragorn has his whole "rightful king" plot not dissimilar to how Thorin has his "reclaim the homeland, fight the dragon" plot. In the movies our emotional involvement in Aragorn and Thorin gets beefed up a little as they get some more brooding to the both of them. Aragorn gets his angst over his ancestry, Thorin is taken more seriously (ie: his updated, much more dramatic introduction giving him an air of mystery vs his book introduction, movie Balin's speech about his loyalty to Thorin, the treatment of the whole "gold sickness" thing, Thorin's speeches being taken seriously rather than being lovingly made fun of by the narration, ext) You can easily see a version of these stories where these two kings are the main characters of the story but they aren't! but neither of these characters are our main characters. Frodo and Bilbo are, respectively. And Frodo and Bilbo are simple hobbits with simple likes and the desire to live their simple shire life before getting dragged into adventure by the narrative.

I do genuinely like that in the Hobbit movies Bilbo gets to decide to go on the adventure by himself instead of getting unceremoniously shoved out of the house by Gandalf. It gives him more agency and we get the fun adventure that is supposed to take Bilbo out of his shell. Thats the message most people took from the story (ie "the world is not in your books..." I love this message/interpretation as much as anyone to be clear. I'm very guilty of loving my "Bilbo stays in Erebor" fanworks) but it is worth noting that Bilbo returns back to the Shire after his adventure and he gets the big speech about how more people should value the simple things in life before Thorin dies. Bilbo positions himself as sort of an unconventional hero by modern standards. Bilbo gets out of his situations more often than not through his wit and cleverly talking his way out of it rather than any displays of strength. He talks his way around Smaug, he cheats at his game of riddles with Gollum, he stalls the trolls. Bilbo wasn't even awake for the big climatic battle that gets turned into a climax for one of the movies. Bilbo, while getting braver more capable and more accepting of the situation, is still a hobbit! He wants his home and hearth and if he is dragged on an adventure, he will very loudly let you know about it. Frodo is similar in the sense that his strength doesn't come from any physical strength but from his ability to shoulder the horrors™ and then accept help from the people around him (mainly Sam) because he shouldn't have to shoulder the horrors™ alone. Again, the entire time Frodo is going on his adventure he's thinking about how much he'd rather be home. Sam sort of acts like this beacon of what the home represents and he’s the only thing keeping him emotionally stable and tries to comfort him through keeping him tethered to those memories of home. There’s the obvious scenes where Sam straight up tells Frodo to imagine home but there’s also just things like Sam cooking and insisting on making sure Frodo is fed (please note that sharing food is basically the universal signal for closeness, domesticity and the idea of a family unit. Think Norman Rockwell) or them turning their traumatic events into stories that they (again mostly Sam) expect to tell to their family and friends in a very domestic setting and then have those stories be passed down in the “Samwise the brave”, “Frodo wouldn’t have made it far without Sam” scene

You can also use this theme to sort of track the change in tone between the two stories. Bilbo's craving for the simple comforts of a warm meal, his bookshelves and a comfortable are played for jokes a few times, it's ultimately validated by the narrative. Frodo's drive to get back home is ultimately very melancholic and downright heartwrenching and when he can finally go home, it's not the same. In Bilbos case this change is sort of implied through the way Bilbo is treated very differently and treated like the neighborhood crazy guy by his peers post-adventure and this is played for laughs mostly but with Frodo it's outright stated and it is played completely straight. He's been so traumatized, so changed by his journey that he's simply not the same person he was when he left and he struggles to enjoy the aspects of the home that were previously used as an attempt to comfort him. Hence, “the Shire has been saved, but not for me." And he ends up leaving the Shire for good. As much as we know Tolkien hated the war allegory, it does bring to mind a soldier coming back home with severe trauma.

I feel like so much of this is lost in works that try to emulate LOTR and The Hobbit because of the simple fact that action sells much better. I mean, that's why the third hobbit movie is called "The Battle of The Five Armies" isn't it? There's also the want for grimmer, darker stories, since so many people view those as more "realistic" Maybe it's just the result of more cynical creators and audiences who want to watch more of the killing the dragon and cool battles with the big armies and less of the writing about trees and the value of home. I dunno I'm tired

[thesoftestbloom]

So I watched the Arcane Cinematic "Welcome to Noxus", while I've been informed it's not explicitly a teaser for the next spin-off show, I have thoughts.

It uses all the same animation as the show and specifically, the same design of Mel when we last saw her in the final shots of Arcane Season 2. A lot of the landscape shots have a much more hand painted style than in Arcane. Now, bear in mind that this is wild conjecture from a girl who watched said cinematic at 3 in the morning, but I'm choosing to interpret this style choice as a reflection of Mel and how she's changed since she left her homeland. We know she's a painter and a lot of the landscapes echo her style of the Noxian ships she painted in Season 1.

When she left, Noxus formed a concrete story in her mind, unchanged, solidified when her mother arrived in Piltover. It proves to her that Noxus fits into the narrative she built. While in season 2, Mel has a lot of revelations and it begins to shake that foundation. Seeing the paint strokes in the cinematic, I interpret it as her now viewing it as a painting, an impression, she sees that enough time has passed that her view of Noxus is no longer true, just what she created herself. She sees that it's a suggestion of the truth, not the whole picture.

I will admit, it's not the most thought out thing I've ever written and I'm probably not at my most coherent, but it's just the thing that stood out to me the most. Take with a grain of salt, I guess

[edutainer2022]

UNREQUITED

Co-written with @janetm74

As you may remember, there's a series of pieces on Scott and Kayo being idiots shadow-dancing with some complicated feelings and inhibitions, and baggage, that came to pass due to the incredible contribution of the amazing @janetm74. And now it's taking a more coherent shape as a uniform story! Some chapters you've seen already, some have never been published. There are no words to express how excited and grateful I am it's happening and moving forward (albeit in an angsty direction, so far).

The whole story as it progresses is now up on AO3.

Previous bits in order can be found here:

Ch 1 (blue like she'd never known)

Ch 2

Ch 3 (hurt like this)

Ch 4

CHAPTER 5

(accustomed to misfit)

It was extremely rare that they sparred. Virgil preferred heavy lifting to tatami for keeping his field game up. But he specifically requested a training session for that morning. It was her job to keep them all in shape and defense-ready, among other things. Although, she had a pretty good idea Virgil's motives were far from pure. Just like his poker face was far from perfect.

She flew in late the night before. Technically, the next day was her personal downtime, but she didn't feel comfortable leaving the island unattended for the night. Leaving them all unprotected. Leaving HIM alone with the shadows.

The date was nice. Wayne was nice. She really enjoyed his company. When not stuck up by regulations - his jokes were half decent. He had field stories in abundance she soaked in like a sponge - chases, investigations, cover-ops. He saw her interest and delivered. Wayne SAW her. She let the kiss last. They agreed on a second date, their respective schedules permitting.

She half-expected, half-dreaded to walk in on the Commander pulling an all-nighter with reports. Maybe half-hoped too, just a little. She didn't know what she'd see in his eyes. The exuberant enthusiasm he'd displayed so far made her blood run cold and her heart keen. But the dark lounge was empty.

She curled in a ball in the scolding shower, once in her room, and bawled her eyes out, like a love-sick little girl she'd never been. Not exactly a reaction she'd expect after the first decent date she'd had since college. It wasn't fair to Wayne. It wasn't fair to herself. Unrequited love wasn't ever fair. So she promised herself she wouldn't BE that girl. EVER.

And now she was sparring with Virgil. Sweetest, kindest Virgil, who cared for her. Who wanted what was best for her, like they all did. She made no mistake - Virgil cared for her, but he loved his big brother like he was air. She understood the feeling. That's why she agreed to a second date with Wayne. To allow herself no way back.

"Do you like Rigby?"

She was atacking, Virgil was parrying. She was backing him into a corner, but it felt the other way around. She doubled down on speed and force.

"He's okay."

"You deserve more than okay, Kayo."

Virgil danced away from her reach and left her in the corner, all of a sudden. She saw red. Unforgivable, as his trainer. Understandable, as his sister. If only Virgil knew, what he was saying!

"Is that so?"

Cross-cut, block, block. She took a swing, Virgil evaded.

"What DO I deserve, then? To be invisible?"

Another swing. Undercut.

"To be a shadow?!"

Roundhouse kick.

"To never be loved back?!!"

She was breathless from shouting, or from exhaustion. Virgil stopped at some point, not heeding the hits she was raining, but Kayo didn't even notice. Strong, safe arms closed the embrace, while she was still raging and raving, and just held her. The shooshing noises enveloped her senses as there was no more voice left in her tears. Kayo broke her own promise and wept.

[honey-tongued-devil]

HONEY I FUCKING LOVE YOU

THAT WHOLE CHAPTER WAS SO GOOD. I HAD A HUNCH THAT WHAT YOU SAID I’D LIKE ABOUT IT WAS GOING TO INCLUDE RAIN AND PHANTOM AND I WAS RIGHT…. i was right….. nyeheehehehhee 😈gonna get a bit devious… a bit 𝓯𝓻𝓮𝓪𝓴𝔂 …… up in here. 😈 i. LOVE. the dynamic between reader, phantom, & rain. LIKE.. LIKE HELLO?????????? Idk man i just love it!! i also really love phantom and rains relationship, and how rain acts as sort of a guide dog. It fits really well. moving onto “ YOU CAN FUCK THE GHOULS?” im sorry that is so ME. me. i loved that whole shebang it was adorable, and so fucking comedic . Kevin is so sassy but I *know* he’s hiding something under that facade….. 😡😡 hes a bit suspicious!!! so is cassy… 😡😡😡 might just be my issues seeping in though??? either way if there’s more of them in the next chapters, i am VERY VERY excited! The ghouls bantering and bickering is so precious to me:(((( like yesss dew im sorry i took your slut away but maybe you can have me instead! trust! yess go back to scarfing down rice me too king…hes so fine. like your design of dew and your over all portrayal is SO. fine. hes so pretty. like i am so sorry but i cant come up with a more coherent literary analysis of this chapter because im fucking REELING😭 THAT WHOLE THING WAS TOO FUNNY AND I GOT MOST OF THE REFERENCES FROM LIKE INCORRECT QUOTES ETCETERA YOU PUT INTO THE DIALOGUE. IM SO FUCKING HAPPY YOU HAVE NO IDEA IM SO HAPPY THIS STORY WAS UPDATED. also i was legit looking at your designs for phantom and rain a while ago i don’t know how i didn’t see the update😞 nonetheless better late than never! (never wouldnt happen i check your account every 1-2 business days) also can i just commend you for your designs on phantom and rain ???????? they’re so fucking pretty like i might shed tears. truly i might. i get like a bunch of serotonin looking at thejr designs, especially rains eyes and phantoms spots. theyre so beautiful. that threesome healed my soul man i cant i llove them sm

tl;dr : ARFARNFJDJJDJFKCJJXKMDNRHRGGHHHHGERREEEGRRRRRRRGJFJJFJDISIEIJRNFNNCNFNFKSOWOOSKSKKSIODOFPFPOFFJGRRRRRRARFARFARF

wonderful writing as always honey, you never disappoint <3

- @n4zareth 🧡

I thought I had replied to you, but here we are. With this reply, I take the opportunity to spoil you that the new chapter will be out by tomorrow morning (in a maximum of 12 hours, to be clear), and that in two days at most a one-shot inspired by the movie will be out, but no spoilers, so in case you get bored, I hope to fill your days a bit.

That said: it made me laugh that you had predicted it because that chapter was written months ago, and on one hand, every time I write a silly chapter, I say "okay, today we're going light," but on the other hand, it all makes sense. Simply put, in the previous chapters, Dew talked about Rain's imprinting, how Rain had become attached to him, became very protective towards him, and gradually managed to make him completely settle in. What Rain is now doing is imprinting with Phantom (and if you reread the first chapters, it also makes sense). Before the quintessence incident, Rain was the one Phantom bonded with, and when after the incident Rain bonded with the reader, Phantom was consequently excluded, obviously not intentionally. Similarly, the second attempt at imprinting is happening with a human, so instead of behaving like a demon or a cat or whatever, it's more human-like behavior.

After watching the movie, I know that Kevin is really a dork, so I'm glad I included that silly scene, same for the ghouls insulting each other.

As for the designs, I'm still trying to find the style that works best, but I'm working on it because I really adore the ghouls, I can't not draw them.

Hope to see you soon <3 -honey

[daincrediblegg]

2, 9, 11, 12, 22?

2. Do you read/reread your own fics? It really honestly kindof depends on the fandom on this one. Generally speaking when I put some creative thing out there of any kind I am loathe to re-watch or re-read it (with the exception of looking at my own fanart- unless it was especially bad I love looking back at some of my old stuff just for the sheer thrill of seeing how much progress I’ve made) BUtT!!!! There is the exception of when it’s like. I’m either in a fandom in which the character I like gets character assassinated in fics a lot of the time and I need enrichment from outside sources or my own. OR when I’m just in a fandom where people don’t write x reader fics that much for the character and I’m the only one writing them and I have to re-read myself bc that’s the only content out there (current predicament re; everything Jared Harris has been in and it’s a crime that I’ve spent the whole year trying to remedy lmao).

9. Do you write every day? If you wrote today, share a sentence of what you’ve written!

OK SO!!!! This was actually a couple of paragraphs I got down yesterday and it’s some of the more solid stuff I’ve put out in recent months, but I’m very proud of how it turned out:

Sinclair was never particularly fussy when it came to her appearance, which made changing for dinner a fairly brief affair. She had learned from an early age that there was certainly no room for such attentions on a ship, and in fact had great fun in witnessing first-time sea-faring ladies, passengers of course on The Demeter, who tried to keep their appearances in spite of the swell and sway of the high seas. She remembered fondly then, the laugh of Mrs. Rose Anthony. How she’d wished to hear it now and all these months gone past. She would have laughed to see Fitzjames on the deck this morning, with that ridiculous cloak flowing behind him like a peacock with his feathers at half mast. None of the men would see it as she did. Not that she was in too much want of friends among them. But fewer still would understand her sense of humor as Rose had.  Pondering this, Sinclair forewent her shirt and waistcoat- both of which were custom tailored, as it wouldn’t do for the navy to commission such a garment. But her father had, for her sake. One of his many parting gifts. The very same man whose picture Sinclair’s gaze drifted to as she buttoned the deep blue bodice that had also been part of the set he had purchased for her, this one long sleeved to match the deep blue flannel day skirt she kept on, and which had served her so well in the chilly climate. She’d missed too how well he’d been able to do her hair for an occasion like this, where Sinclair now only managed a bun tied fairly neatly to the back of her head (more than she’d dare to manage for her daily duties, she might add), but it suited her all the same for the impression Sir John, and indeed, most of the men had of her. Neat as a pin. Diligent. A fixture of a plain sort of beauty in the corner. Never the center of their attentions, but never quite ignored.

12. Do you have a playlist for your current WIP(s)? Share it!

As I said in the other ask I have like. Just so many. None of them coherent- but THIS ONE has been my instrumental inspiration for a little while so there you have it. Someday I will consolidate all my fave lady terror vibes into a proper playlist... but that is not today...

22. Do you know how your fic will end before you start writing?

I mean… sort of. Like in general I do like to have some kind of sense where something is going before I start it- if it’s anything I’ve learned from commercial failures like GOT and the Star Wars Sequels it’s that poor planning will fucking kill you because actually as it turns out narrative structure is important. But at the same time- I think this was a quote from George R.R. Martin that some writers are “builders” who have everything pre-conceived before they put anything down (in reference to Stephen King), and some are “gardeners” (like George) who let stories just grow as they go. For me personally I’ve never felt too tied to either camp, so I put forth my secret third option being: “chef”. I know what I want the end-product to be. I have a general sense of what it should taste like and how I should cook it-thematically speaking. But things still come up as I go. Sometimes it needs a bit more of one spice than another and I try to listen to those instincts when they tell me to add something to what I’m making. 

11 ANSWERED HERE

[mimbotomy]

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. Let’s spread the self-love 💗 (No pressure, of course!)

After much debate, I have finally decided my five favorite fics, with only one WIP that I’m including bc I love it so much.

The Children of Kephallonia

A retelling of Odyssey where Kassandra decides to take Phoibe with her on the Adrestia at the beginning of the Korinth storyline, and also a whole lot of other stuff changes. There are no Isu, because fuck the Isu, but there's going to be a whole lot of gods and monsters and mythology, starting with Kassandra being a legit demigod. I sort of ended up combining this with a half formed WIP so the mythological part of the story is going to be a little bigger than I initially planned, but I still want the heart of the story to be the mother daughter relationship between Kassandra and Phoibe. Other than that, you can expect a fun interpretation of Kassandra and Ikaros' bond with each other, Barnabas and Herodotos being the best dads/grandpas, a more complicated relationship between Kassandra and Myrrine, my attempt to write a more complicated Deimos, a bunch of different ships, and lots of references to Kassandra and Phoibe's life on Kephallonia, based on another fic I'm writing, In the Shadow of Zeus.

Rebirth

My first big fic, a time travel fix it where Kassandra wakes up back in Markos' home in Kephallonia a few years before the start of Odyssey after her death and decides to fix things. Featuring a ridiculously overpowered Kassandra, lots of family bonding, a polyamorous relationship between Kassandra, Daphnae, and Brasidas, some Isu shenanigans, some actual exploration of the implications of Kassandra, Alexios, and Myrrine being Spartan royalty, Kassandra and Barbabas giving custody of their shared braincell to Herodotos whether he likes it or not, a complete disregard of actual history, and a plot that has lowkey gone off the rails from what I first planned. I'm somewhere in the middle of Arc 2 of 3 and am also rewriting most of Arc 1 because I'm a much better writer now.

Not a Malákes Ravenclaw

Affectionately known to me as the crack fic, this absolutely ridiculous crossover between Odyssey and Harry Potter is actually maybe kind of good? I continue to have absolutely no idea where the idea came from, I just woke up one morning, opened my laptop, and found a new google doc with almost 20K words and a somewhat coherent plot, and now there's sort of an actual plot and feelings and shit? Starts in the middle of the Torment of Hades DLC and at the end of the Order of the Phoenix when Phoibe walks through the doorway to Elysium and ends up coming out through the Veil in the middle of the Battle of the Department of Mysteries. Chaos follows. Featuring lots of Kassandra x Brasidas fluff, a semi feral Phoibe, and some strange crossover bromances. And you can find a fun drawing of Phoibe from this fic here!

To Live by Another Name

My Deimos Kassandra fic that has NOT been abandoned despite not having been updated since last October. But I did end up hating large chunks of my outline and have been both rewriting my outline and the already posted chapters, except I haven't had a ton of motivation to work on this fic in a while. I still really love the idea and look forward to going back to it someday though. To sum up, in this fic Kassandra is both Deimos and the Eagle Bearer, who broke from the Cult upon learning that she had living family, Ikaros is the best boy, Nikolaos ends up on Kephallonia and adopts Phoibe after being banished from Sparta, Alexios is the Agiad king of Sparta, with Myrrine and Stentor his most loyal supporters in dealing with his treasonous cousin Pausanias, and Barnabas and Herodotos are just as immediately ride or die for Kassandra as they are in canon.

A Flap of an Eagle’s Wings

The one WIP on this list, and my second Odyssey time travel fix it fic, this fic also starts with Kassandra’s death in Atlantis, except Kassandra comes back that night on Taygetos - and she’s not the only one. Without spoiling who the others are, just know that everyone had the absolute best of intentions when they completely fucked everything up. Featuring a Kassandra who just doesn’t have the time to pretend she isn’t a demigod, Alexios and Phoibe as a chaotic dynamic duo, and the romance with our beloved Brasidas that our girl deserved, as well as a bunch of other stuff that would be too spoilery to include here. I’m still working on the outline but I have a bunch of snippets written and am having a lot of fun writing it, so who knows, maybe the first chapter will be up before the end of the year!

[rpf-bat]

Everything I Posted On AO3 In 2022

Wishes On Cake - Niko/Joonas. Posted: January 17th. Written for Niko’s 27th birthday.

Niko celebrates his birthday by meeting up with his bandmates at a bar. Joonas gets self conscious, when he realizes he's the only one who got Niko an actual gift. By the time he actually presents the gift to Niko, he's drunk. He knows he shouldn't say how he feels. Not when he's barely coherent like this. But, he just can't hold his feelings back anymore.

Be My Bloody Valentine Tonight - Joel/Joonas. Posted: February 14th. Written for Valentine’s Day.

Joonas comes knocking on Joel's door, the morning of February 14th, to show him the Valentine card he just found. Joel is nursing a hangover, and doesn't particularly want to hear about it...until Joonas explains that he thinks the card may have come from a stalker fan.

Heaven Or Hell - Joel/Niko. Posted: March 27th. Part 1 of the Angels & Demons AU.

Joel is an angel of the Lord, and there's a human boy that he is supposed to protect. Unfortunately, the demon Niko intends to seduce this same boy into sin. How far will Joel go to protect him? Or - is he only telling himself that's why he's doing this?

I Keep On Falling - Joel/Joonas. Posted: April 2nd. Part 2 of the Angels & Demons AU.

After his dalliance with Niko, Joel has become a fallen angel. He hates himself for losing his wings - but, he realizes that there's one positive thing about this whole situation. There's no longer any reason for him to avoid his ex, Joonas.

Joonas had no idea that an angel lost his wings last night - until Satan orders him to bring the new Fallen One to Hell.

I’m No Saint - Joel/Aleksi/Niko. Posted: April 3rd. Part 3 of the Angels & Demons AU.

It's been three years, since Joel and Joonas decided to run from the Devil. It was foolish, to think that they could stay this way forever. Satan catches up to them, and orders Joel to seduce his first mortal soul. Just to twist the knife, the mortal that he's been ordered to corrupt is Alex - the very person that Joel lost his wings in the first place to save.

An old 'friend' appears at Helsinki Ice Hall, all too willing to help Joel carry out his sinful mission.

Run For The Hills - Tommi/Olli. Posted: June 23rd. Written for Tommi’s 26th birthday.

Olli just wants to take his boyfriend on a cute picnic date for his birthday. But, the local wildlife interrupts.

Three Summers In Hanko - Joel/Joonas. Posted: August 2nd. Written for BC Summerfest.

Joonas met Joel in the summer of 2009, three months before he turned fifteen. Joel's family bought a summer home in the Hanko Peninsula, right next to the vacation property Joonas' family was renting. After a chance meeting, they became fast friends. It's hard to part ways when summer vacation ends.

Fast forward to 2010. Joel is so excited to see his friend again, when he returns to Hanko, the following summer. But, an unexpected revelation, threatens to destroy their friendship forever. Can they get back, what they once had? Or will their bond melt away like ice cream on a hot summer's day?

Flufftober With Blind Channel 2 - Multiship. Posted: October 1st - 24th. Drabble collection.

…I only finished the first 23 days of this challenge. Oops. ^^;

My Boys - Niko/Reader. Posted: December 14th. Just 209 words of Boyfriend!Niko + cat lol

You're cuddling with Niko on a cold winter's night. Rommi wants to join.

Castle In The Woods - Niko/Joonas. Posted: December 25th. Vampire AU. Written for BC Blood Mass.

Joonas flees his remote mountain village, hoping to escape an unwanted arranged marriage and start a new life. But, when a snowstorm hits, he finds himself hopelessly lost. He and his loyal servant take shelter in an abandoned castle.

But, alas, the castle wasn't as "abandoned" as Joonas thought. And now the master of the castle won't let him leave....

[thestarswithinthesewalls]

Umbrella Academy x Lego Monkie Kid Crossover Idea

*Sits in stool next to you. Leans on arm and stares directly into your eyes while sliding you a piece of paper with cracked crossover idea written at 3AM*               ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡ – ✧)

Like... hear me out. Lego Monkie Kid and Umbrella Academy.

I was literally just like," I like Umbrella Academy and I like Lego Monkie Kid so... what if... they just...met?"

Spoilers for both UA and LMK

Five and Klaus had just returned from their brief vacation and journey of somewhat self discovery when Diego basically stomped his way to them. Klaus couldn’t help but compare Diego to an angry toddler.

"About damn time you guys came back from your little vacation!" Diego shouted.

"Yeah, it was great! Found out I'm Amish!" Klaus replied.                   

"Well that explains a lot," Lila commented

"Yeah! Like our guests that I'm sure you have something to do with! Like we don't already have enough problems to deal with."

Diego spluttered a bit before finally making a coherent sentence, "WHAT DOES THAT EXPLAI-" 

"Doesn't matter what it explains. We have more important things to deal with then Klaus figuring out his identity crisis." Five interrupted.

"Then, it would be nice to know what I'm being accused of, Diego." Five said narrowing his eyes.

"If you're talking about the sparrows-" Five started.                                      

"I'm not talking about the sparrows." Diego interrupted though gritted teeth seemingly getting angrier with every word.

"Why don't you have a look, Five." Diego spat looking about ready to pick up and throw the boy

Five looked past Diego to the people behind him. There were the people who he obviously recognized to be his family. Klaus had moved to sit at the bar and was currently pouring himself a drink. Allison and Viktor were standing next to each other; both leaning on the shared pillar. Lila was next to Klaus, stuffing herself with sushi. All seemed normal (well, as normal as their situation could get) until Five looked to the opposite side of the room. What he saw was a whole assortment of people. Some people with animalistic features, some people completely different colours (colours humans were not supposed to be as far as Five was concerned) and some people that he wasn't sure were even human. Good examples were the 2 monkey men and the big, no, HUGE bull dude sitting in the corner with his knees to his chest because of his ridiculous size. Five assumed he was about twice the size of Luther. Maybe thee times? He couldn't properly tell since the bull thing was sitting down. Wait...where was Luther? Eh, that wasn't important now. He was next to some lady with gravity defying hair in the shape of bull horns which he was sure took multiple hours of her mornings to do. Five's mind came to the first logical conclusion it could. COSPLAYERS! Of course! Yep definitely cosplayers.

Just makes sense. 

"What? Is Comic Con in town or something?. What am I supposed to be looking at, huh?" Five sneered as he leaned close, invading Diego's personal space, also starting to look irritated with him.

 "As I said," he spat  "We have bigger things to-"

"Those aren't cosplayers genius," Diego cut him off.

(They really needed to learn to stop cutting each other off. It was getting annoying.)

Five looked behind Diego again, to see the "not cosplayer looking" people staring at him with just as much confusion on their face as he felt. A guy wearing a yellow-ish jacket and chocolate brown hair being held out his face with a red bandana (Headband? Ribbon... -thingy? What is that? Nevermind, it’s not important right now) waved nervously at him. Five sighed. 

This was going to be a long week.

Might continue it, might write something completely different, might make another crossover story, who knows ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Let me know what you think and constructive criticism is welcome and appreciated. Being an ass will not be tolerated

[cakejots]

this is us trying, Chapter 6 - The Pounce

In this AU, they don’t know each other outside of the suit. And in this AU, Ladybug and Chat Noir love each other. But in this AU, Chat doesn’t want their identities revealed.

Written for @ladynoirjuly 2021

notes: this is a coherent story based on all the prompts; each chapter contains at least 3 prompts. this chapter has 4 prompts

Ch 1 | Ch 2 | Ch 3 | Ch 4 | Ch 5 | Ch 6 | Ch 7 | Ch 8 | Ch 9 | Ch 10

Read on AO3

17. Secrets

Marinette was sure she didn’t have any alarm set for the day. And even if she did, it wouldn’t be this early in the morning. Her video call with Adrien the night before lasted well over a few hours, and it was the second day in a row where she wasn’t sleeping her usual routine. Though tired, she really can’t find herself regretting her actions. She was sure Adrien felt the same, he didn’t want the video call to end so soon and always managed to find something new to chat about.

She thought she could ignore the constant buzzing of her phone, but she’s only clowning herself if she believes that. Marinette tried to use her pillow to cover her head to block out the noise, but to no avail. She tried again with her thick blanket but eventually gave up. She was too disturbed to go back to sleep now anyway. With a grunt, she lifted herself off of her comfy bed and grabbed her phone from the shelves above her.

She eyed the screen and saw the time, as well as the caller.

Alya.

“What?”

“Woah, someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed.”

“Care to check how many times you’ve called me?” Marinette pinched the bridge of her nose. “You know I hate it when my sleep gets interrupted.”

“I’m really sorry Marinette, but this can’t be put off any longer. Why didn’t you tell me? Are there any more secrets you’re hiding from me?”

“Huh? What are you talking about?”

Her phone gave off a chime, and it was a link Alya had just shared. “Access that link.”

Marinette grew wary as she saw the first few words of the link. The name of the biggest gossip magazine was etched within it.

“Uhh, Alya, what’s this? You know I hate reading things from gossip magazines.” She’s pissed that she was woken up for this useless bullshit.

“I know I know, just click it please, it concerns you.” Alya pleaded.

Marinette paused. “Me?”

Her mind imagined the worst-case scenario. Was her secret identity compromised? She didn’t manage to read the rest of the link as she quickly clicked on the link.

The first thing she saw when the site loaded was a video embedded at the top of the page, and the thumbnail of the video was of her and Adrien throwing affectionate gazes at each other, with Adrien’s hand buried deep within her hair. Fear shot through her entire being. When was this?

She further inspected the thumbnail and saw that she was in pyjamas. It was the night they revealed themselves, they had just exited the park and were ready to head home.

“Oh.”

Fuck.

“Marinette? Did you manage to read the article?”

She couldn’t take it anymore, she hastily closed the tab. “No, but I see myself and Adrien on the video thumbnail. Shit...” She admitted, not bothering to hide since Alya already saw it.

“Are you okay?”

“What did the article say?” She whispered.

“They were speculating if you’re Adrien’s new fling— ”

“The fuck?”

“—or romantic partner, but they don’t know who you are, so you’re safe.”

“But he’s not! I need to make sure he’s okay.” She was jumping out of her bed when Alya’s voice stopped her in her tracks.

“Marinette, I think that might be a problem. Herds of reporters are situated outside the Agreste mansion.”

She felt a vein pop in her temple. “Are you there?”

“What? No! The clip is rolling live on TV.”

She switched on her TV and sure enough, the mansion was surrounded by reporters.

“Adrien...” Blood drained from her face as she looked at the sheer number of reporters outside his house. Her vision started to blur. He was no doubt going to blame himself for this again.

“Marinette?”

“A-Alya, I’m sorry, I need some time alone. T-Thank you for telling me,” she stammered.

“Don’t sweat it. And I’m sure you have reasons for keeping your secrets, I won’t pester you now, but I hope to get an update on the both of you once this is over. And please promise me you’ll tell me about it later.”

Comfort flooded her chest, “Of course, Alya. Thank you so much.”

Marinette hung up and was left alone with her own thoughts.

Thinking back, Adrien was acting slightly weird after they got onto the streets. He had asked her to transform out of nowhere. Was that when he had realised they were being followed? Why didn’t he tell her? Marinette browsed her messages and calls, there was nothing she missed from Adrien.

Why was he pushing her away again? Even after the reveal. Why isn’t he opening up to her?

She wiped her tears. This is no time to be questioning his decisions. She needed to save her kitty as soon as possible. He must be feeling devastated dealing with this all alone.

18. Can’t Transform

Adrien was curled up by the side of his bed, his phone all blown up with notifications, calls, and messages from gossip news agencies and the public. It was till the point that he had to reconfigure his “Do Not Disturb” function to stop all the ringing and buzzing that wrecked his phone. He was so overwhelmed that he disabled everything.

His phone was currently by his side, his chat with Marinette on the display. Marinette was online earlier on, and he was happy to see that, but she was gone as soon as she came. Adrien really wanted to ask her for help, but he was sure that she’s pissed with him right now. He didn’t have the right to ask since he brought this upon himself. He just hoped she forgave him for allowing her face to appear on the news.

Marinette (09:01): chaton?

A chime brought his attention back to the phone. Adrien saw her message, but he just stared.

Marinette (09:01): chaton i can see you online

Adrien (09:02): hi

Marinette (09:02): can you call me?

Marinette (09:02): my calls can't seem to get through

Adrien (09:03): i muted everything

Marinette (09:03): oh

Marinette (09:03): then can chat call me?

Adrien (09:03): i can't transform

Adrien (09:04): i don't want to risk them seeing the transformation

Marinette saw that he typed and stopped a few times. She’d be patient with him, he’s allowed to take as long as he needed.

Adrien (09:06): i'll call

Adrien (09:06): but can you give me a while?

Marinette (09:06): of course :)

Perhaps it was her staring at her screen, knowing that Adrien was there. Perhaps she was solely focused on seeing something happen on her screen. Or perhaps she managed to will Adrien into calling her, because he eventually did. And it didn’t feel like it had been 10 minutes.

“Adrien!”

The line had gone quiet. So quiet that she was about to remove her phone from her ear to check if the call had ended when a voice spoke through the speakers.

“Hey, Marinette.”

He sounded apprehensive. Was she coming off too strong?

“How are you feeling?” Her voice gentler this time.

He still took a while, but it was definitely faster than the one before.

“Overwhelmed.”

“Okay, okay. Are you okay with waiting a while more?”

Is Marinette coming to get him?

“I guess.”

“Nice. Do you think you can transform after the herd of reporters is gone?”

“I think so.”

“Very good. Would you be comfortable with sleeping in my house for a few days?”

Adrien wasn’t sure if he wanted to stay with Marinette after all this was over. What if she interrogated him? Was he ready to tell her why he did what he did? The whole truth? What if she leaves? Or rather, kick him out after she learnt the truth. He didn’t want that. Enough people had already left him. He doesn’t want any more of that. They can’t leave if he wasn’t there in the first place.

But Adrien wanted to be with Marinette. Even more so after what his actions had led to. He may be selfish right now, but he wanted the affirmation that she’d still have him, even after he messed up. He didn’t want to be alone after this ordeal. She has proved repeatedly that she wouldn’t abandon him. And right now, she’s inviting him into her life, willingly.

Justifiably, Marinette is in no wrong here, but Adrien found himself finally believing what she had promised. It might be that words of assurance could only go so far for him. But certainly, it was her actions that solidified his belief in her.

“Mhm.” He sniffled.

“Awesome!”

Adrien wanted to explain. He wanted her to know how much this meant to him.

“My lady, I… I—”

“It’s okay, Chaton. Your safety and wellbeing take precedence.”

“W-Wait! Are you going to hang up?”

19. Trust

“Do you trust me?”

“Always,” he answered so effortlessly.

“Then yes, I’m going to hang up. But I guarantee you that you’ll see me soon enough,” Marinette assured. “Would that be okay?”

“Yes, my lady.”

“Thank you, Chaton. Wait for me.”

They said their goodbyes, and Marinette waited for a while before she hung up. She got to her feet and went to work straight away.

.

“What is he doing in there? Can’t he see us? Just come out already!” One of the reporters threw his papers on the ground, getting agitated from standing outside the Agreste mansion for at least 2 hours. “This is taking far too long!”

“Hey! Look!”

He noticed someone pointing upwards and he lifted his eyes.

Soon, the herd of reporters directed their collective attention and cameras to the top of the mansion. They were so determined on getting any footage they could on the occupant of the building that all but one of them failed to realise that Ladybug and Chat Noir had appeared on the rooftop, with Chat Noir piggybacking their target.

“What is this?” Ladybug shouted at the crowd beneath her feet. “Is this any way to treat Paris’ Golden Boy? His love life is none of your concern!”

And with that, she jumped away from the persistent sound of cameras clicking coming from the crowd. Chat Noir followed without missing a bit, with Adrien hugging him tightly.

When Ladybug and Chat Noir had disappeared out of their sight, the media quickly got onto their vans and chased them down.

As the commotion was happening, Marinette texted Adrien to ask for the directions to access his room.

Adrien (09:32): the windows to my room are open. you'll see it once you get to the back of the mansion

She made sure the crowd had dissipated entirely before emerging from her hiding spot from the surrounding rooftops; she then made her way towards the mansion.

Sure enough, she found herself swinging into his room within seconds.

Adrien’s room was one of the biggest rooms she has ever seen in her life when she landed. It was at least twice the size of her previous bedroom, so big and spacious with various game areas across the first floor and a large library of books and CDs on the second.

She was still admiring his expansive room when she heard tiny sniffles coming from the side of the bed.

Snapping her head towards the bed, she spotted Adrien hugging his knees, head buried within his arms. “Adrien.”

Adrien lifted his head and saw her watching him.

He stood and wiped his tears, trying to smile. Turned out, wishing she was by his side was one thing. Having her actually be here with him was an entirely different thing.

Lady Rouge? Rena Bug? Marinette did not look happy. She was biting her lower lips before she started walking towards him.

Adrien began moving backwards bit by bit, anxious about her reactions towards him.

“Tikki, Trixx, Separation.”

Was that disappointment in her eyes? He didn’t know. Ladybug was quickly catching up to him and when he saw that she had raised her hand, he shut his eyes.

He was expecting some reproaching from her. He was expecting some pounding on his chest, or even a slap to his face. But all he felt was a hand wrapped around his head, settling itself within his hair and pulling him into a hug.

“I’m so glad you’re okay,” she breathed.

Adrien opened his eyes in startlement, before relaxing into her. Ladybug’s other hand was on his back, pressing him into her. And he circled his arms around her waist, returning the gesture.

“My lady, I’m covered in snot and tears right now.”

“Yeah, you’re disgusting.” But she pulled him in even more and tightened her hold on him nonetheless.

20. Save Me

Adrien wished he could’ve stayed in Ladybug’s embrace longer, she was so full of warmth and love, unlike the mansion. But he needed to pack his clothes for his impromptu stay at Marinette’s over the next few days, to avoid the scandal they were currently in.

Ladybug was exploring his huge room, but he couldn’t see her from the bathroom, so he assumed she was checking out his vast collection of books and CDs on the second floor.

He didn’t like how quiet it had gotten.

“My lady?”

Within seconds, Ladybug dropped from right in front of the bathroom door, face worried. “Adrien?”

“Could you… um, could you stay on the first floor?” He squeaked.

She relaxed and chuckled. “Of course, mon Chaton.” She looked around a bit. “I’ll just take a look around the arcade stations.”

He nodded before continuing his packing. It was quiet again, but at least he knew she was exploring on the first floor.

“Adrien?” He lifted his gaze from his bag and saw Ladybug standing beside his bed, pointing at it. “Can I sit on it?”

“Of course! Go ahead! I don’t see why not.” Surprise laced in his voice by her question.

“Just wanted to make sure,” she replied cheekily before she bounced on his bed.

Adrien was about done with his packing, but he didn’t want Ladybug to be bored.

“My lady, what happened to those illusions?”

Ladybug widened her eyes. “I was sure that the media would follow those illusions, so I had them travel to the outskirts of Paris before making them disappear right before their very eyes.” She then scratched the back of her head and smiled sheepishly. “That was the plan. But uh, the illusions should be gone as soon as I reverted to just being Ladybug.”

Adrien had finished packing and was walking out of the bathroom, bag in his hand. “So, they might be back?”

Ladybug immediately stood and walked to his windows. “I don’t see or hear any crowd outside. So I guess they are still trying to figure out where those illusions went.”

Adrien came up to her, Trixx and Plagg in his hands. “Then, for extra precaution, why not use Trixx’s power again to conceal ourselves?”

Ladybug’s eyes shone with understanding. “That’s a great idea! I didn’t think of that!”

When Ladybug called for her unification, her outfit was similar to Rena Rouge’s. Her dark hair was tied up in a thick ponytail with the ends highlighted in white. A tail was also added to her suit. “Come on, let’s go!”

But Adrien hadn't called for his transformation, and she raised an eyebrow.

“Uhh— right!” Adrien blushed and quickly turned around to retrieve his bag from the side of his bed before calling for his transformation.

“Oh, I see,” a smug look on her pretty face. “You just wanted to see me in this.”

Chat Noir was still blushing when he returned to her side. “Can you blame me? You look amazing in this. Can’t I admire how stunning my girlfriend looks?”

It was her turn to flush. “You can, you absolutely can.” She turned away, ready to use her flute when Chat Noir grabbed her hand.

“In fact, you look beautiful all the time.” He gazed into her eyes. “Marinette, for the plan you concocted to save me, thank you.”

“Anything for you, Chaton.” She grinned.

Chat pulled her into a hug and squeezed. His hand was on the back of her head, pressing her into his neck. “Thank you, so so much.”

[writingdotcoffee]

#166: The Right Time to Write

Every week on Sunday, I publish a post on this blog. I've been doing that for years now. I’m a natural procrastinator, and more often than not, I’d would keep postponing writing each post until Sunday evening when it was due.

Over time, Sunday evenings became extremely draining for me. Often, it'd be 8 or 9 PM. My eyelids closing on me, I would be trying to string words into vaguely coherent sentences. It wouldn't be unusual for me to stay up till 2 or 3 AM before I got the post done.

Writing when you're tired is like wading through a swamp and dragging an open parachute behind you. It's a cognitively demanding activity. When you're not ready, you're making it a lot harder for yourself than it needs to be.

You may not be feeling like writing in the morning. It's still early. Why force yourself? There's plenty of time to write later, right? This isn't a military operation. You can write whenever you want.

I do this all the time. I keep putting writing off until later in the day. However, the consequences of that are a lot worse than I previously thought.

A successful writing session takes both time and energy. Being short of either, you will struggle. It's deceiving. It makes you think that you're a lot worse at writing than you really are.

A few months ago, I started writing my Sunday posts early in the week. I write a rough draft as soon as I get the idea and then revise it on Sunday. Looking back at those sessions in Writing Analytics, they all are between 20 and 30 minutes long. In total, it takes me about an hour of work to finish a post – a stark contrast to the hours of frustration that I was facing when trying to write these posts while fighting sleep on Sunday evening. As it turns out, I was writing at the wrong time.

How about you? Do you write at the time when you have the most energy? This can be in the morning or at night. Being aware of your energy levels and using them to your advantage when writing will make a huge difference.

It sounds simple, but it's easy to fall into a vicious cycle of writing at the wrong time. You keep postponing your work. Then it takes way longer than it should so you need to stay late to get it done. You don't get enough sleep which means you don't feel like writing in the morning and leave it for later when you'll be even more tired. After a while, the whole thing blows up, and you haven't written anything for weeks. You're beating yourself up for not being good enough to be a writer.

When you write matters more than you think.

Want More?

My email subscribers receive a notification when I publish these posts along with a few things I found interesting or helpful on the literary internet every week. Click the link below to join the club.

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Past Editions

#165: The Tip of the Iceberg, October 2020

#164: Moving on to the Next Thing, October 2020

#163: Making Space for Writing, October 2020

#162: Knowing the Right Thing to Do and Doing the Right Thing, September 2020

#161: Facing the Odds of Success as a Writer, September 2020

[bewaretheidesofmarchyall]

Soulmate Shenanigans

So, lucky me, I found this list of prompts!

Unlucky me, it was for a September event. Surprise, surprise, this is not September

That isn’t going to stop me from doing this, though!

So, without further ado, prompt number one!

Your Soulmate’s name is written on your wrist or palm

Warnings for death mentions galore and drowning, as well as something that isn’t drug use, but if drug use is a triggering topic for you I wouldn’t recommend you read

Not as angsty as these warnings would suggest, but there is still Angst

I don’t know how it got angsty I just work here

World building

The first recorded instance of a palm mark was when Lady Natalia of Venice nearly drowned in a canal

She’d been on her way home from a party alongside her fiance when she “tripped” (the word “tripped” here means “Was pushed by her fiance for financial reasons”) into the river. Her husband-to-be quickly exited the scene, leaving her to be weighed down by her skirts and die.

Angela (forger of swords and mixer of poisons, just happened to be in the neighborhood when she heard a scream and a splash) had other plans. She dove into the water, saving Natalia and cutting her hand in the process.

The two women spent a good deal of time together after that, the scientific Natalia claiming that she only wanted to know why her name was on Angela’s hand.

Some historians claim that the two were platonic soulmates. While this is possible, and platonic soulmates have a long and wonderful history, no one with common sense believes this to be the case

They exchanged love letters that were quite clear that the attraction was a romantic one.

Some historians also claim that there isn’t enough evidence to suggest that they killed the fiance.

Those historians are wrong.

Anyway, in modern days 97% of the population has a palm mark with the name of their soulmate

The tattoo industry has never had so many illegal opportunities

When your soulmate dies, the name doesn’t scar. It doesn’t blister, burn, or black out. All that happens is a thin, impersonal line crossing their name out. Some people don’t notice who they lost for days.

There’s a process to remove palm marks. However, it’s illegal and possibly fatal for the soulmate being removed.

Our Characters

Roman: Roman was confused by the name of his soulmate.

Who names their kid “Janus”?

Am I soulmates with a roman deity? The heck?? SO MANY QUESTIONS AND SO LITTLE ANSWERS

Roman was so excited to have a soulmate. He kept entire journals filled with things he wanted to tell Janus, part diary, part scrapbook, and part love letter. He would doodle hearts around his palm mark.

One night, in April, Roman went to sleep. In the morning, there was a line across his palm.

His soulmate had died, and he hadn’t even seen the line drawn. He broke a little.

Enough said.

Roman took the passion that he’d had for his Janus and channeled it into his acting. If he couldn’t get love, he’d get a fucking Tony Award.

Remus: Remus had been annoyed by his brother’s complaining.

“Oh, boo-hoo, my soulmate has a rare name. That means that as soon as I meet him, I’ll know exactly who he is! Roman, DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY PEOPLE ARE NAMED LOGAN”

Remus was annoyed that his soulmate had the audacity to have a common name. In theory, he could date all of the 18,000 Logans in the country, but does he really have the time?

He and his brother bicker about this for a solid seven years, until the argument abruptly ends. Ever since then, he’s been on his brother’s side in everything he can.

Logan: It made total sense for Logan to not have a soulmate.

His soulmate would have been unlucky, being stuck with a know-it-all like him, at least according to most of the people he knew.

This was a simple solution to the puzzle.

It wasn’t helpful to waste time wishing for a different one.

Janus: Janus had a whole plan for when he met his soulmate.

He wrote it down in 10th grade

Step 1: Wear gloves

Step 2: Find Roman

Step 3: Say something witty

Step 4: Remove gloves, revealing palm

Step 5: This little mystery is over and done with, and hopefully my soulmate isn’t boring

This was how a lot of Janus’s plans would work. Solid ideas, but missing bits and important pieces. This includes his heist plan he scribbled out on a napkin on an April day.

Step 1: Find local con-artists

Step 2: Pretend to be a person with money (which I obviously do not have)

Step 3: Scam them

Step 4: Don’t get murdered on the way out

Step 5: Profit

He pulled off steps 1-3 with ease, but step 4 proved to be a sticking point.

As he escaped via the river, with money in his hands and a “so long, suckers!” on his lips for drama, he thought nothing could go wrong

Fun fact: It’s rather common for con artists to fatally give away their positions by yelling “so long, suckers!”. Just ask Odysseus as he sailed away from the Cyclops.

The con artists shot wildly at his boat, blowing it to pieces. As he went down with the ship, he barely had enough time to think this can’t be happening, and fuck this and I’m going to die at the same age as Philip fucking Hamilton and I really don’t want to go to hell before his lungs filled with water and his heart stopped.

And Janus died.

For a solid two minutes.

Technically, death is when your heart ceases to beat. Even though people have been revived after their hearts have stopped, it is death, and enough to draw a line across a sleeping Roman’s hand.

Janus, however, was saved by an old man, who dragged him out of the river and forced the water out of his lungs. The old man took one look at the teenager and decided that he needed better role models, which is how Patton took Janus under his wing and saved his life in more ways than one.

The Actual Plot

Roman is in a city production of Hamlet. His brother is in the audience, his friend is fixing the lighting, and he’s ready to go.

It’s a pretty good performance, by all accounts, but especially according to Janus.

He’d already been watching the main actor intently, smiling from the mezzanine, but he was even more intrigued when he read the playbill and realized his name was Roman. He could barely pay attention to act five as he planned out the lies he’d tell to get backstage.

Somehow, he didn’t get caught sneaking around, and managed to catch a glimpse of Roman’s hand in a mirror. Janus. He really is his soulmate!

Janus walks over to Roman, says something that isn’t as witty as he would have liked (but not as bad as it could have been), and removes his glove.

Now, he expected his soulmate could have a variety of reactions. He didn’t expect Roman to yell “Not today, ghost!”, throw a prop skull at him, and sprint out of the theater. Janus caught a glimpse of the line through his name.

He was reasonably sure that he wasn’t dead? He could see his reflection in mirrors, he could consume salt, people tended to notice his existence!

Jan didn’t have much time to mull over this, as he was about to be forcibly removed from the greenroom. Logan just wanted to fix the lighting and live his life, but when strangers break into the backstage and upset Roman...

Jan skedaddles as Logan chases him out of the building. The nerd has almost caught the intruder when he runs directly into a man in a green jacket holding a coffee cup full of ketchup

Why did he have a coffee cup full of ketchup?

Remus and Logan bicker as Janus escapes. When Remus realizes Logan’s name, he asks a few questions, but Logan quickly shows his two blank palms, and the matter is settled.

Everything seems over and done with.

Meanwhile, Roman is freaking out. His mind is essentially in a loop of The fuck? The fuck? The actual fuck? He’s completely unsure of what to do. Is he seeing ghosts? Does he only believe he’s seeing ghosts? Is he sane or not?

Remus checks up on his brother at around 3 am, only to find him, exhausted, and writing in his old soulmate journal. Roman tries to explain what just happened, but the narrative told isn’t exactly coherent. All Remus can gather is that

1. His brother thinks that his dead soulmate is alive

2. This is because some guy snuck backstage and told him that he was the dead soulmate in question

3. This was probably the guy Logan was chasing

Remus convinced Roman to go to sleep, and walked out of the apartment with blood on his mind. He was sure that his brother was being manipulated.

This guy might not be dead now, but he would be soon.

Meanwhile, Janus proves that he can, in fact, cross a salt circle, so he must be alive! Right?? He also can’t get a certain actor out of his head, and wonders what his next move should be.

Remus recruits Logan to help him do some investigation in case Shady Liar Dude shows up. They go on several stakeouts together, in equally improbable locations. Maybe the two of them got too far into the secret agent aesthetic. Logan had always wanted to be a detective as a kid.

They fall for each other, and fast

Roman is spiraling, and a chat with Remus has him convinced that he was wrong, and Janus really is dead. He curses himself for believing in the pretty fairy-tale. Yes, because love wins in the end and they all live happily ever after. He has a performance tomorrow.

And it’s really time he got rid of the old scar.

You don’t hang around Remus without knowing where the black market locations are. It’s relatively easy to find the cure for palm marks.

He paces around backstage, holding a journal in one hand and a small bottle in the other. The warning that destroying the palm mark destroys the soulmate causes terror to rise in his throat, even though he knows that Janus is dead and can never read his love letters no matter how many stars he wishes on.

He finally makes his choice when Remus and Logan visit him before the performance. They give him looks of pity. He doesn’t want to be pitied.

According to the label, effects should take place over the next several hours. So, he waits for Janus’s name to disappear from his hand.

Janus managed to hustle someone with orchestra seats for their tickets. Despite not getting off on the right foot with his soulmate, he isn’t going to let him go that easily. And Roman’s brilliant performance that night just reinforces that. If he was good weeks ago, he was a star now. Janus was transfixed.

When the curtain call came, Janus was the first on his feet for a standing ovation. Remus and Logan noticed him, and pushed their way through the applauding audience. Both of them almost hoped that he’d get away again so they could continue spending time together.

Roman notices him. They lock eyes. Janus waves as though to say Hi, I’m here, apologies for the awkwardness of our meet-cute, but coffee? Roman gives him a look of disdain, as if to say I can’t believe I thought you were my soulmate, you con artist. He intends to look away and bask in the applause, but before he can do that, Janus collapeses.

Roman is confused at first, and then it clicks. That’s his soulmate. That’s his Janus.

And he killed him.

Pandemonium breaks out. Roman leaps off the stage, Remus freezes in panicked comprehension, the crowd scatters, and several people try to reach the dying man.

Logan gets there first. His mind scans memories of hours spent in libraries, researching everything there is to know about palm marks. Why didn’t some people have them? How did you lose them? How could you get them back?

He instructs Remus and Roman to help carry Janus to the greenroom.

They race him there, everyone in a state of panic (including Logan, but more importantly he has a job to do). Logan tells Remus to run and get a few basic ingredients, and they wait. Time moves much too fast and much too slow, until he comes back.

Logan works chemical wonders, piecing together Roman’s hand until everything is stabilized.

A vicious scar, the type you’d except if your soulmate was really gone, forms on Roman’s palm, and it will stay there for the rest of his days.

Janus comes back from death’s door for the second time.

After The Drama

Logan and Remus eventually move past the “but I don’t have a soulmate” “and yet I still am in love with you” dithering and go on a date that isn’t for the purpose of stalking a supposed stalker.

They go to the aquarium.

Meanwhile, there’s a lot to work out between Roman and Janus. From “wow, you’re not dead” to “wow, I nearly murdered you”, we don’t have time to unpack all that.

But they do get coffee. And they talk.

Soulmate stuff! I really like soulmate aus, despite not liking to write straight up romance

It’s weird

Anyway, hope you enjoyed!

[fortes-fortuna-iogurtum]

an incomplete list of Thoughts on Gallifrey: Time War 4

will probably be added to as time goes on because my brain is in a fog this morning and I’m really struggling to be coherent

this is already so long and I don’t know how to stop oh no

- Time War could’ve very easily been a 5-boxset arc, and I really wish it would’ve been. I think it would’ve cleared up a lot of the issues that I and others have with the arc, especially in terms of pacing and character and relationship development.

- alternatively, they could’ve returned to the original format of 5 chapters per season, which I personally liked a lot and think works a little better for Gallifrey.

- this is technically about Time War 2 and 3, but it’s connected to 4, so: I think some stories should’ve been shifted around a bit so that things flowed along more smoothly and the transition from Mother Tongue to Unity made more sense, and then from Unity to Homecoming. because as it stands, it feels to me like making Romana and Leela and Narvin “break up” after Leela spends all that time away from them was just done for drama and wasn’t fleshed out well enough to completely work like I’m assuming the writers wanted it to.

- I have come to the conclusion that, while David Llewellyn is a good writer whose Gallifrey stories I generally enjoy a lot, he just doesn’t understand Brax very well.

- actually I feel like Brax’s writing in Gallifrey has just been a little *off* since his last appearance in Gally4. (with the exception of Solider Obscura, which I love, even though I ALSO question the writers’ decision to essentially reverse Brax’s character development there; again, this is another thing that I think could’ve been just fine if there had been more time to deal with it, say a fifth boxset or five stories in every boxset)

- and this makes sense -- because David Llewellyn doesn’t fully grasp some really core aspects of who Brax is and his motivations, but is generally a pretty good writer and seems to get the other main characters of Gallifrey well, we’re left with a sense of good writing for Brax... but when it really comes down to it in the end, everything sorta falls apart because he doesn’t understand the deeper workings of the character and why he does the things he does.

- basically I really really wish Justin Richards could’ve written Beyond, because I think he would’ve done an amazing job with it and the ending wouldn’t have felt so bizarre

- (also I wonder if they had to cut a scene last minute because honestly that whole last sequence feels incredibly weird somehow??? not only does it feel OOC for Romana--like come on. I’m sorry, I know that he’s mistreated her and people she cares about a lot and she has a right to be done with him, but we know her. her responding that way to seeing him brutally killed in front of her after all their conversations in the earlier parts of the story feels so incredibly wrong and I cannot articulate just how much I dislike it--but there’s also an incredibly rough scene transition there and a music transition that sounds really bad, to be blunt. like they had to chop out a scene the morning before release and had no time to fix it, so they just did what they had to and hoped no one would notice)

- gotta be honest, I’m pretty salty about Beyond and probably will be talking about it for a while. maybe I should make a tag specifically for it so y’all can mute that one, because I hate being so negative about things I actually do enjoy, but I had a Lot of issues with that story and I just.... 

- yeah anyway, moving on 😅

- I did, on the whole, enjoy Homecoming, however

- again with the pacing, I think it would’ve been a lot better if they had been able to lead up to it more, especially with the emotional relationships between the Trio. Leela and Romana was ok, Romana and Narvin was ok, and Leela and Narvin was ok, but they really could’ve gone harder on the emotions I think?

- actually that’s a big thing about this boxset overall, and it’s especially evident in Homecoming-- I feel like they were holding back for some reason, and they really really didn’t have to. Especially as this is being advertised (at least in an unspoken way) as The Big Finale.

- (I mean for one they definitely could’ve had Leela and Narvin kiss at the end of that last interaction and it would’ve been fine and super fitting but ya know)

- also I do want to draw attention to the fact that this is most certainly not the absolute and final end of Gallifrey. I mean, perhaps of Gallifrey proper? But I’m going to be incredibly shocked if this it just. it. for these storylines and these characters. especially with where they left things at the end of Homecoming.

- actually, this might be the root of this problem: that the writers were simultaneously trying to write the Big Finish (no pun intended) for Gallifrey, but at the same time, they wanted to keep it very open-ended and ready to be picked up again when the time comes. So it ends up just feeling kind of... muddled, and noncommittal. Because they want this huge, heartrending, emotional finale, but at the same time it’s not a finale, and so they can’t do anything too big and heartrending and emotional and final with the characters, because the story needs to be able to continue. and so we’re stuck with an “ending” that’s probably not really an ending, and it simultaneously feels just a little underdone and like a big lead-up into nowhere.

- I mentioned to @spicydinosaurwings948 right after listening to it that the end reminded me of that thing a lot of big film/TV franchises do now, where they lay threads throughout one film and at the very end there’s an after-credits scene and some sort of announcement that ushers in the next era or spin-off of the franchise (sort of like what they did in the end of the most reason season of The Mandalorian, where they’re using Boba Fett’s involvement in that show to launch his own series). The problem is, as far as we know right now, they aren’t planning anything to follow up on this (unless they’re really great at keeping secrets and telling half-truths and are planning to shock us all in a few weeks, which wouldn’t entirely surprise me even tho I’m not counting on it happening).

- I have seen people say that they think some of the problem with the finale was that the writers were too occupied with trying to tie things into other existing storylines, like the show itself and the DW audios, which is also valid. I don’t personally think that is the root of the problem, but I definitely understand where that idea is coming from and I agree that it could’ve contributed to the issues.

- now might also be a time to mention that I can totally see some of these things from Gally:TW being brought up in the young War Doctor stories they’re doing soon? obviously not too much, but I can see characters like Eris showing up there, or maybe a reference to the Doctor not knowing where Romana is, or maybe even Armitage!Rassilon being the first Rassilon of those stories.

- annnnnd speaking of Hot Rassilon: the “ascension”. I have no idea what was going on with all that but it definitely felt like Something Big and now I’m really puzzled as to what there were doing with it?? is this going to be picked up somewhere else?? is it just another thing they introduced that needed to be fleshed-out better?? hello Big Finish and Scott Handcock and anyone else who can help me, I really need answers because?????? (I mean surely, surely it doesn’t tie into Ascension of the Cybermen???????)

[punchelf]

Writing Tag Game!

Tagged by @autumnslance, and tagging anyone who would like to answer!

This will be long, so see below the cut for responses!

How many works do you have on Ao3?

10 total. 6 for FFXIV, and 4 for Ghost in the Shell (primarily the SAC version). 8 are finished and 2 are in progress.

What’s your total Ao3 wordcount?

90251, which sounds about right.

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Fools - 67 kudos - My very first fic on AO3, for my OTP (Motoko Kusanagi/Batou)

And Yet - 45 kudos - My first FFXIV fic; basically the "getting together" fic for Raubahn/Moni

Kara Sevde - 43 kudos - Another Raubahn/Moni fic; two emotionally stunted middle-aged people learning to use their words

Hanyauku - 36 kudos - My second shortest fic, but I think also the one with the highest hit-to-kudos ratio; just bittersweet morning after feels

Collection of Collectors - 28 kudos - A collection of little ficlets based on GITS headcanons; wildly self-indulgent and extremely silly

Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Yes! I think it's important to take the time to respond when someone has taken the time to write nice things about your work. They aren't always the most coherent (usually it's me key-smashing bc OMG SOMEONE LIKED MY FIC ENOUGH TO COMMENT!?), but I respond to every single comment.

What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

I generally *try* not to end fic on an angst ending, but I guess Shelter (which is just straight Hurt/Comfort) has a kind of angsty ending.

What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending?

Kara Sevde, definitely. The rest of the fic is a lot of angst and hurt/comfort and existential anxiety, so I tried to end it on the happiest note I could.

Do you write crossovers? If so, what is the craziest one you’ve written?

Nope, just not my bag. I've read a couple GITS crossovers that I enjoyed, though.

Have you ever received hate on a fic?

No, thank goodness.

Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Yes! I would describe my smut as "not overly explicit, maybe a bit cerebral at times". I like to focus on the sensations and feelings of the characters involved, and generally try to use sex scenes as a way to say something about the characters/their relationship.

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Yes, unfortunately. I recently had a number of phrases/lines of dialogue/ideas stolen (some minimally edited but others taken verbatim) from several of my Raubahn/Moni by another Raubahn/WOL shipper. It was an absolutely horrid feeling, and incredibly violating, and made even worse by the fact that the author in question was 1. not just in the same fandom, but the same *ship*, and 2. a mutual of mine on twitter. I blocked the author and reported the fic to AO3, but the author caught wind that I knew they had plagiarized me and deleted the fic. She's still maintaining that she didn't plagiarize (on the bad advice of one of her friends), but she absolutely did.

Have you ever had a fic translated?

Not that I know of, but I would be incredibly honored if anyone ever wanted to.

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Just some RP stuff for WoW and FFXIV

What’s your all time favorite ship?

For CanonxCanon, my all-time OTP is Motoko/Batou, followed closely by Mulder/Scully and Benson/Stabler. I'm a sucker for the inherent sexual tension of "two extremely competent people working in side-by-side in a dangerous line of work".

Raubahn/Moni is my favorite OCxCanon ship, and a ship I had with @tehjai back in our WoW days between her gnome priest Lovisa and my worgen druid Alfred is my favorite OCxOC ship I've ever had.

What’s a WIP you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

Stockholm, which is probably my most ambitious fic, has been languishing at 6/12 chapters for like a year and I'm not sure when I will ever finish it. I want to, but it's probably going to take me a while.

What are your writing strengths?

I've been told that I'm good at faithful characterization of canon characters and managing "narrative tension" (which is surprising to me but I will take it). I also think I'm pretty good at punching my readers in the gut with feelings, and I really enjoy writing dialogue.

What are your writing weaknesses?

I struggle to write descriptions, stage directions, and anything "poetic" (I'm pretty literal so metaphors and flowery language are something I have to really stretch to). Actions scenes are also a bitch and a half.

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

Only if you are personally fluent or have someone who can accurately translate for you. Or if it's a language you made up yourself. The odd word or common phrase is fine, I think, but for whole lines of dialogue, write it accurately or not at all.

What was the first fandom you wrote for?

Lord of the Rings, way back in middle school in the early 00s. It was explicitly self-insert and wildly self-indulgent and I'm glad I never published it anywhere (tho I do kind of wish that I still had a copy).

What’s your favorite fic you’ve written?

Ooooh, that's a hard one. I like all my fic for different reasons. I think the third chapter of Collection of Collectors is my favorite tho - it's short and silly and I had a lot of fun writing it.

[infinites-chaser]

val’s mementos

(or: a working masterlist of my mlqc fics created mostly for my own sanity)

everything on this list has also been posted to my ao3!

currently accepting prompts from this prompt meme~

(while i will do my very best to fill every prompt with writing that i’m proud of pls keep in mind that some may take longer than others for any amount of reasons!)

Lucien

dark night fireworks- my first (published) mlqc fic <333 2nd person and entirely too pretentious (rumor has it even the author doesn’t really know what she was trying to convey except. n e u r o s c i e n c e and MEMORY is cool). slight spoilers for ch.16

watch the universe expand- a long, rambly attempt to explore lucien’s character and also evolutionary biology and evols told through excessive metaphor and bedtime stories. spoilers for lucien’s childhood and ch.13. im proud of this one ^^ though there is a lot of projection involved. also lucien is an enneagram five.

to dwell on- c: lucien and homes and him and mc being soft together that’s it <3 or in more coherent language some bittersweet fluff for lucien’s bday based on moments from his mini-house and his most recent bday karma + date. in hindsight i’ve realized i didn’t use his or MC’s name at all outside of dialogue LOL

king lear and other tragedies- a prompt for the librarian ask meme linked above! im p sure anon prompted me a month before i got around to actually writing an answer hndkslgj but. here we are. shakespeare and tragedies and parallels between characters and a lot of pretentious dialogue, meant to be an extension of/missing scene after lucien’s theater date. this only rly exists bc of a single line in the date mentioning the production being put on was king lear and i took that and ran for all it was worth

Gavin

just a summer thing- a short little scenario that manifested in my head one warm summer night when i should’ve been sleeping and my first foray into domestic!gavin territory <333 i’d say it’s probably one of my lightest fics, if not the lightest ahfksldg (also heavily inspired by the way @belovedstill writes gavin/mc pst basia’s fics are to die for)

under a golden sun- high school era gavin, MC and minor! originally intended for gavin’s bday except (1) i didn’t finish on time LOL and (2) the fic never mentions his bday oops. also in 2nd person though if you asked why i couldn’t tell you it just felt more right. ft. basketball and memories and a bit of bittersweet nostalgia. simultaneously has some of what i think is my weakest writing (in terms of pacing/consistent tone imo) and some of my favorite lines i’ve ever written for a gavin fic and i’ve come to appreciate it more over time bc of that c:

today, this is the whole universe (and that’s okay)- gavin, MC, and domestic, sleepy sundays. and a long ao3 title that’s it that’s the fic (narrator: and then, she never wrote anything purely fluffy ever again). heavily inspired by gavin’s sleepy morning asmr and that one clip of his cn voice actor playing/humming his theme (aka soft soft SOFTEST) also just. i said it already but all of my domestic!gavin is inspired by and exists thanks to the breathtaking writing of @belovedstill <333

in the wind- a semi(?)exploration of gavin’s wind but also just him loving mc bc that’s what he and his evol are all about. short and bittersweet <3 (if anyone’s keeping track i think this is where my writing starts to lean more on the uhhh descriptive side and becomes less dialogue-based? or i feel there’s a diff from this writing style compared to the earlier gavin fics (besides parts of under a golden sun) which is just interesting for me to think about but not relevant to the fic itself ahfklsdf) 

winter’s end- winter world!gavin and mc and a softer, more bittersweet reunion. m a j o r spoilers for ch.22 and what comes before. also gavin’s past. it hurt to write and apparently hurts to read b u t there’s a happy ending. i promise c:

sunrise to noon- a secret santa fic that ended up being less holiday related than I originally intended but like all things domestic and Gavin I think it works well as it is <3 just tender winter mornings and domesticity and the return of my fluff writing

Kiro

falling down the stairs of your smile- this was a prompt for the librarian prompt meme and doesn’t have an official title on the ask but here’s the title in all its long all-lowercase ao3 glory. basically the first few chapters from kiro’s perspective with slight spoilers from his past! kiro is such a joy to write and i love this a lot and im super glad i got the opportunity to write this (the waY i banged this out in one night when i got the ask askfsdkfksl)

[deleted by Key]- i have an idea and i’m s u p e r excited about it but no spoilers except this quote: ‘But that is how a tragedy like ours or King Lear breaks your heart— by making you believe that the ending might still be happy, until the very last minute.’- If We Were Villains, M.L. Rio.

Victor

Of Corgis and Christmas- a secret santa present for a victor stan that conjured some fluffy victor writing from my victor-less heart,,, a christmas miracle aND im lowkey proud of how it turned out but the highlights of the fic are Goldman and Cindy T-T they deserve more screentime and someday. i will write the subplot that got cut where Goldman sends Cindy embarrassing Victor stories to try to impress her and MC helps :>

spend my whole life searching- i combined 2 victor librarian asks from the librarian prompt meme above would u believe he's the only suitor I got twice 😔 this man is so popular and for what (only kidding ahdjdjs we just have a relationship of mutual disapproval dont mind me dragging him just a little i need to compensate for the appreciation I developed for him while writing this :>) this is similar to the kiro librarian fic in that it kinda gives vic's perspective on victor/MC's first in-game meeting with a healthy dose of and they were soulmates and angsty longing™ and also. victor is an enneagram one

Shaw

i started a few things a long time ago for him maybe someday i’ll finish them :’)

[forever-rogue]

Disappear Here - 4/4

A/N: Hi friends, I hope you enjoy this little finale. Please don’t kill me - but I hope you enjoy. Again, I recommend the acoustic version of Disappear Here by Bad Suns to set the scene! As always, feedback is welcome! xx

Based on this blurb (because I’ve gotten a few questions and realized I never really explained it - this blurb is in the present and everything else is in the past).

Pairing: Javier Peña x reader

Word Count: 4.3k

Warnings: language

MASTERLIST

PART 1 | PART 2 | PART 3

ALTERNATIVE ENDING

SEQUEL

»»————-　♡　————-««

“You’re telling me, Agent L/N, that you want to withdraw your request for a transfer-”

“Yes, ma’am-”

“The request that has been granted and you’ve accepted-”

“Yes, ma’am-”

“Because you now want to stay in Colombia?” although she kept herself together, mostly anyway, there was nothing but annoyance in her tone and written all over her face. Annoyance and daggers that was. You were sure your face must have been a brilliant crimson as she berated you; all you managed to give her in response was a small nod, “you realize what you’re doing, correct? I sure hope you do.”

“Yes, ma’am,” you stared at your feet for a moment before daring to meet her eyes. Noonan sat back in her chair, arms crossed over her chest as she let out a sharp exhale through her nose, “I-I realize how much of a hassle I’ve created and I do apologize - to everyone.”

“I sincerely hope that you’re not changing your mind all because of one man,” you almost stopped breathing at her words, wishing she wasn’t always so spot on. You did want to stay in Colombia and finish what you started, but there were…other reasons too - you just weren’t about to tell her that. Clearing your throat awkwardly, you shook your head, trying to convince her as much as yourself, “I suppose it’s not my place to wonder or figure out your logic. Whatever is compelling you to stay, I hope it’s worth it.”

“It is,” you told her confidentiality, putting a small smile on your face. It was going to worth, it definitely was. You wouldn’t be doing this, shaking up everyone’s lives yet again, if you weren’t so sure of that.

“Well, I guess I’ll tell Agent Breslin not to expect you,” her voice was cold as ice and sent a chill down your spine, despite the warm Colombian afternoon. You remained rooted in your spot as you tried to figure out something to say; it felt wrong to just silently remain there as she shuffled her papers and appeared to be looking for something. She gave you the up and not after a few moments before snapping, “you’re excused, Agent L/N. You might as well go and do some work since you’re so keen to stay here.”

“Yes ma’am,” you turned on your heel and quickly darted out of her office. The tension broke as soon as you entered the hallway and you finally felt like you could breath easier. You knew, you just knew without her even having to say anything that you would be on her shit from now. Oh well. You’d just keep a low profile and work hard. Try being the operative word.

When you made it back into your shared office, you were almost relieved to find it empty for once. You leaned against your desk and let out a long sigh, closing your eyes and relishing in the silence. But your peace and quiet was quickly ended as a pair of footsteps approached, stopping in front of you. For a moment you thought it was Murphy, he had been suspicious about your sudden change of mind, but hadn’t questioned it too much. He knew, you were sure of it, and if he didn’t know exactly why, he had strong inklings. The little looks he kept giving you and Javi gave him away.

You slowly opened your eyes and found Javi’s honey brown ones staring back at you, a crooked smile on his face. He reached up and put his hand on the side of your face, running a thumb gently over your cheekbone, “hi, sugar.”

“Javi,” you looked around to make sure Steve hadn’t somehow made his way in just yet. When you realized you were alone, you took his hand and placed a gentle kiss to his palm. He grinned at you before capturing your lips in a quick kiss. Your eyes widened at his audacity before the two of you broke into a small fit of giggles, “I told Noonan.”

“I’m sure she took that extremely well,” he cringed slightly at the mental image of that conversation. If he could have avoided her forever, it wouldn’t be long enough. He was by now means her favorite person, and he was well aware of that fact.

“About as well as you think,” you sighed, moving to sit down on your desk as Javi gave you a small smile, “she knows. She totally knows.”

“We’ll just be careful,” he promised and you nodded. If she had so much more than a mere hunch that you two were actually in a relationship, or anything, she’d have you back on the first flight to the states, you knew at that point your career would be all but over, “I promise nothing bad will happen.”

“If she finds out then my whole career will be over before it’s even really started,” you looked at him with raised eyebrows and he nodded. At least if something happened to him, he’d already established himself well enough not to have to worry about anything. You took his hand and playfully pushed him back towards his own desk, “so this - us, means we can’t do this at work, you cheeky bastard. Paws off until later.”

“But honey, you’re killing me-”

“Hey, did you two want to go and get lunch? There’s nothing good anywhere here,” Steve asked as he walked back in, nose buried in some papers. You and Javi quickly tried to play off anything that had been happened, pointedly looking away from each other, “if we leave soon, we can meet Connie. I know she’s dying to see you, Y/N, ever since she found you’re staying.”

“Lunch sounds great,” you both chimed in at the same time, causing Steve to look suspiciously between the two of you. So much for being subtle.

“What’s up with you two?” a small smirk it’s way on his face as your face grew warm and Javi looked anywhere but his face. If he didn’t know before, he knew now, “well come on then, let’s get going.”

He started to head out the door and you and Javi followed close behind. You narrowed your eyes at him, and stuck out your tongue at him, “you’re gonna get us found out, Javi!”

“Don’t worry, I’ll make it up to you later,” he smirked quietly, giving your ass a quick smack causing you to yelp lightly. Steve paused for just a moment but didn’t turn around to face either of you, instead he just kept walking, shaking his head sightly. He fucking knew.

“Javier!”

»»————-　♡　————-««

Javier grinned at you as he pushed a piece of hair off of your face, letting the tips of fingers trace over all the highs and lows before stopping at the corner of mouth. You gave him a lazy smile before a yawn escaped your lips.

“Tired?” he teased as he draped an arm around your waist and pulled you closer to him.

“Wonder why,” you asked as you rested your head on his chest, listening to the beating of his heart slow back down to a normal rate. It was late, away later than you should have been up considering that you both had to be at work in the morning. But once things had started, they were hard to stop. And it wasn’t like you were particularly eager to stop anything when it came to him, “maybe you shouldn’t be keeping me up so late, Peña.”

“I don’t hear you complaining,” he was proud of himself with that little comment, as you jokingly scoffed at him, “unless oh Javi, Javi please, more, more, harder, is your way of complaining.”

“Shut up asshole,” you groaned as you buried your face into his chest. As soon as he had his way with you, as soon as he had he had his hands on you, you were lost to him and whatever coherent thought you had left was out the window, “you’re the worst!”

“Only kidding,” he promised, putting a finger under chin and lifting your face up to meet his, “I love you, you know.”

“I know,” you bit your lip as you studied him, still somehow managed to feel shy despite how intimately he knew you, or how often he reminded you that he loved you. It was different than what you just experienced before with your past lovers. He a combination of hard and soft, a duality that worked well with your fiery nature. You nuzzled your nose against his and just stayed there like that for a while before whispering gently, “te amo, Javi.”

“Look at that, you’re practically a Spanish aficionado now,” he teased before pulling the blanket over your bodies so you could attempt to get a few hours of sleep before work, “aren’t you glad you gave me a chance? I told you it’d be worth it.”

“Oh yes,” you laid back down and Javi automatically pulled you into his body, “I’m so glad I put everything, my career, my future, on the line for you-”

“Hey now!”

“I’m just kidding, Javi, lighten up,” you traced your fingers his bare chest as your felt your eyes growing heavier and heavier with the call of sleep, “I’m very glad. I’m glad every day. Sometimes I wonder if you’re worse off. You had to change everything, and only have me. Who’s the real winner here?”

“I would choose you and only you every time,” he whispered back, causing a smile to grow on your face as you finally shut your eyes completely, “you were worth it.”

»»————-　♡　————-««

Present Day

“No,” you shook your head fervently, trying your best to keep your angry tears from spilling down your cheeks as you looked between Steve and Javi, You didn’t want to cry and knew it wouldn’t help your cause, but you couldn’t help it. All you could see was red, “absolutely not. You’re not leaving me behind again.”

“Y/N, please listen to reason. Carrillo said this was dangerous-”

“I don’t give a shit what Carrillo thinks!” you stomped your foot for added emphasis.

“You did before!” he reminded you.

“That was then. This is now and I am ready for this. I’m sick of you leaving me behind,” you crossed your arms over your chest as you glared at Javi. You couldn’t believe his nerve, that he was trying to get you left behind yet again, “this isn’t fucking fair.”

“I don’t care if you don’t find it fair,” Javi raised his voice and Steve looked anxiously between the two of you, “it’s too fucking dangerous.”

“That’s not for you to decide!” you insisted, throwing your hands up in exasperation, “I am a grown woman, I am your partner, and most of all I have proven myself over and over to everyone during the last seven months. You all know that.”

“I said no,” he insisted through gritted through, his nostrils flared with anger. You knew if it had been anyone else asking to go he would have said yes. You knew he was only doing this because you were together, because he valued your safety more than anything else. But it still didn’t make it any easier, or less obvious that you were actually together. If you hadn’t been in this particular situation, you would have taken advantage of the moment - there was something about Javier when he was angry that turned you on. But not today. Not with this.

“It’s not for you to decide,” you insisted, glaring back at him with just as much as annoyance as he was giving you, “this isn’t all about you, it’s not always just Team Javi. It’s the three of us. Right, Steve?”

“I’m staying out of this one,” he said as he raised his hands in defense and took a step back, shaking his head. You rolled your eyes and sighed, “whatever you two have going on, you need to figure it. And fast.”

“Some fucking help you are, Murphy,” you couldn’t believe he was just backing out of this, “I’m going and that is final, Javi. I can take care of myself.”

“No,” he said quietly and shook his head, “you’re not. You’re staying here and that is final. I’ve already told Noonan and Carrillo and anyone else involved that you’re not coming. And if you do come, you’ll just go right back to the States, you’ll be done.”

“Are you fucking kidding me!?” you couldn’t help yourself as you shoved past him, making sure to slam into his shoulder as you did so, “you’ve got some nerve, Javi. How could you do this? I’m ready to come.”

“Honey-”

“Don’t you dare call me that right now,” you sighed as he tried  to follow after you, “you can’t just sweet talk your way out of this.”

“I love you,” he tried and you just groaned at him and flipped the bird. You didn’t even bother to respond to him as you stormed out of your office in search of something - anything, else.

“So, that’s a thing, huh?” Steve looked at him with wide eyes as he looked between Javi and the space you had just occupied. Javi let out a long sigh as he nodded, leaning against his desk, rubbing his tired face, “I think you should let her come. In all honesty, I think she’d be fine. She can handle herself.”

“She’s not going, Murphy,” he insisted firmly, “that’s final. I don’t want to hear another word about if. From anyone.”

They had left shortly after, without you having said another word to the two of them. It had caused your stomach to churn because you kept wondering what if. What if something happened to happened to Javi? Or Steve? And  the last tie you’d ever said them was basically a fuck you?

»»————-　♡　————-««

Luckily, nothing of the short had happened. Javi and Steve had come home in one piece. But things were different. Everything felt off - wrong.

Javi had been back for several days after being gone for several even longer weeks. Since he’d been back, he’d been quieter, more stoic than he normally was. So much unlike the man you had grown used too. Even when he held you, kissed you, or did anything with you it felt so odd. Almost like you were with a completely different person.

You hadn’t pushed him to speak, or explain anything; you knew how stressful his job could be: the long days, the sleepless nights, the horrors that meet your eyes on the daily. You, after all, shared the same occupation as him. But unlike him and Steve, you hadn’t been allowed to go on this mission, despite your pleas, so you had no clue exactly what they’d seen.

No, instead, you had been behind and become a glorified pencil pusher once again, working on menial paperwork. And hung around the phone, waiting for any call, no matter brief from Javier. And he called on occasion, filling you in on everything that was happening with him and Steve. If you were lucky, he’d spend more than five minutes with you and remind you, in a hushed tone, that he missed you and loved you. But it was different…less real.

But now he was home, back in your life on the daily, but it seemed like he might as well have been gone still. Your Javier had left you, and a mere shell of his former self had returned, someone you didn’t know anymore.

“Javi?” you asked quietly as you sat down next to him on the couch. He had been nursing a single beer for several hours, staring blankly at the television as he only made a comment here and there in response to your questions.

“Mhmm?” he asked without evening you looking at you. You sighed heavily and turned off the television and he finally looked at you, and unreadable expression in his eyes.

“Where are you, Javi?” you put your hand on his cheek, running a thumb over his soft skin.

“What do you mean?” he asked, his brows knitting together, an unreadable expression n his face, “I’m right here.”

“Your body is,” you agreed, “but your head hasn’t been. You’ve been quiet since you returned. It’s like you get lost in your own mind. Where do you disappear to?”

“Just…tired,” it was a clear lie, and he seemed mildly annoyed. You wondered if you should press the issue and decided you would; you’d been silent long enough. You were done dealing with this empty shell. You wanted your Javier back, the one you had so desperately loved.

“Javier,” you removed your hand from him and crossed your arms over your chest, “don’t lie to me. What’s wrong? What happened while you were gone?”

“Nothing,” it was a firm statement and offered no room for negotiation.

“Javi-”

“I said nothing was wrong.”

“And I want to know why you’re lying,” it was a challenge. He should have known better than to argue with you by now. He stood up and ran his hand through his hair, an exasperated look on his face.

“Y/N, just drop it,” he insisted, but you weren’t about to back down now.

“No, Javier, I won’t,” your tone increased in volume, “because you’ve been back and you’ve been treating me like garbage. If something is wrong, tell me, and we work on it together. We’re supposed to be team!”

“I said drop it!”

“No, I’m not going to. Now tell me what’s been going on!”

“I cheated on you,” it was declared without emotion, and it washed over you like a cold wave, crashing down hard. The air was suddenly so thick and tense that you could have cut it with a knife. The words just kept repeated on loop in your head, “are you fucking happy now?! That’s what’s wrong!”

“Get out,” you couldn’t even bring yourself to look at him. Of all the things in the world you had expected, this wasn’t one of them - he had promised you… He hung his head and sighed, unmoving, “I said get out.”

“Y/N-”

“Get out!” you shouted as you grabbed the vase from the table and threw it at him. He ducked and it shattered into a million tiny pieces, just like your heart, “get out! I never, ever, want to see you again.”

“Y/N,” he tried to reason with you one more time hurt you weren’t having it.

“Walk out that door and never come back,” you pointed sternly before turning around and hiding your face in your hands, tears steadily steaming down your face, “I never want to see your face again, Javier. Fuck you and get out.”

»»————-　♡　————-««

The next morning you’d somehow managed to drag yourself into work, despite feeling like hell. You had wanted to call in and let them know you were sick or whatever lame excuse you could come up with but you didn’t want to give Javier the satisfaction, or whatever he was after.

Before you knew what you were doing, you had stared gathering your things from your desk and stuff them all into an old banker’s box you had found lying around. You were on autopilot and nothing even mattered.

Not until he walked in.

You didn’t know what you were expecting, when you saw that he looked just as bad as you, it sent a pang of sadness through your heart. You thought you would have been happy with the sight, but you couldn’t muster up the energy to be spiteful or angry. Nothing mattered - he didn’t matter. You weren’t sure if that make things better or worse.

Before you knew what you were doing, you stormed over to his desk, causing him to instantly look up at you. His eyes were puffy - bloodshot.

“Was this the first time?” he remained silent as he avoided looking at your eyes. No. It was enough to bring your whole world crashing down around you.

“How many?” you asked and he instantly knew what you were talking about. Of course he did, “how many fucking others were there?”

“Honey, let me just-”

“No,” you cut him off, feeling the tears already welling up in your eyes as you stepped out of his reach, “you don’t get to call me that. Not anymore, never again. You could at least have the fucking decency to be honest with me. This was going on the whole time? How could you do this?”

He didn’t answer you right away, instead hanging his head as he breathed heavily through his nose. It was at that point that you felt your heart shatter into a thousand little fragments, yet again, as the tears spilled over and down your cheeks.

“I asked you for one thing,” you reminded him as you dabbed your eyes. The little break in your voice was enough to make him want to cry too, “one thing. It shouldn’t have been so hard. I gave up everything for you. A move, a whole new career step, only to stay here and be held back and cheated on this entire time.”

“Y/N-”

“No, I’m done,” you turned on your heel and heard for the door, leaving your box of things. You stopped just before you exited, turning back to give him one last look, “I want to hate you, and a part of me does. But I hope to God you remember this the next time you tell someone you love them. If I ever see you again, it’ll be too soon.”

You didn’t wait for him to say anything else before storming out, almost running into Steve. He looked bewildered as you just shook your head, before wrapping him in a right hug, “goodbye, Steve. I’m going to miss you and Connie most of all.”

“What happened?” he asked as you pulled back and just gave him a teary smile, “Y/N?”

“I hope our paths cross again one day,” your voice was soft as you walked away from, heading down the hall in search of Noonan’s office.

Steve jammed it into the office and found Javi sitting at his desk, head in his hands, “what the fuck happened?!”

“I fucked up.”

“Yeah,” Steve sat down at his desk with a heavy sigh, “you did.”

»»————-　♡　————-««

“So, you’re telling me, Agent L/N, that you’re once again asking for a transfer to Mexico,” it was hard, so hard, to keep yourself composed and not let the tears steam down your face. You didn’t want to embarrass yourself or give her the satisfaction of seeing you cry.

“Yes ma’am,” your voice was shaky, and it almost cracked. You felt more like a boy going through puberty, rather than a grown woman. Although in the moment you felt more like a silly child than anything. But you could only blame yourself; your biggest weakness became your greatest undoing.

“You realize the strings I had to pull ten months ago to try and you the position over there,” her voice was laced with venom, and in all honesty, you couldn’t even be mad at her. She had a point after all, “and when I had to tell them you had changed your mind.”

“Yes ma’am,” you answered, hanging your head as you stared at your scoffed up sneakers. You weren’t even dressed properly for work, hell you’d barely managed to drag yourself out of bed to make it to work.

“I’ll go and see what I can do. I hope you realize that these types of things aren’t done on one’s whimsy. These things take time and if you’re lucky, they’ll be able to take you.

“Yes ma’am.”

“You’re sure about this?”

“Yes ma’am,” you swallowed the lump in your throat as you nodded at the ground, “and if it’s that much trouble, I…I can go back to the states.”

“Is that what you really want?” she asked and you paused for a moment. Was that what you wanted? To just give up everything you had worked so hard for because of this? She noticed that you were silent you, so she carried on, “you were just starting to make a name for yourself. To give it all up now would be a shame.”

“Yes ma’am.”

“So I’ll see what I can do. I’m sure you’ll be able to do well in Mexico,” she stated and you nodded lightly, “I’ll place a call to Agent Breslin and see what he has.”

“Okay,” you said quietly, dabbing at the back of your eyes with the sleeve of your sweater. You’d tried to prevent the tears from spilling over, but it was getting harder and harder. You figured by her silence that you were allowed to leave so you started walking away, figured you’d just go home. Nothing else really mattered anymore.

“Agent L/N,” you turned around at the sound of your name and waited for her to go on, “I hope it was all worth it.”

You didn’t even bother to respond as the tears flowed down your cheeks. She knew exactly what she was saying, and the words were cold as ice. You said nothing as you slammed the door shut.

You can’t give her the satisfaction knowing that none of it was worth it.

Javier Pena had not been worth it.

»»————-　♡　————-««

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[traccigaryn]

20 answers for a fanfic 2020

Thank you to @curator-on-ao3 for these questions! I'm a few days late, but who cares?

1. fandoms you wrote for this year

All Star Trek, all the time: Voyager, Picard, and DS9/TNG

2. favorite fic you wrote this year

Oh, that's such a hard question. I love them all, but I think the one that means the most was Tousled, an unrepentant bit of froth about Chakotay's hair. I hadn't written anything in months and was feeling sad but not bad about that. Despite the fact that I started out trying to make it crackfic, I think it may have been the first really truthful thing I'd written in some ways. Also, writing both Tuvok and Seven's voices, making them distinct and distinctive, was so. much. fun. 

3. favorite fic you read this year

One thing that fell to the wayside in 2020 for me was reading fic. Still, I read some absolute gems and look forward to unearthing more some time soon.

It is the destiny of stars to collapse by @amoderngirl (T, Chakotay/Janeway). This story. THIS STORY. Months later, and this is still all the coherence I can manage.

Siren Song by @curator-on-ao3 (G, Tom Paris & Cristóbal Ríos). This melancholy and hopeful story was beautifully written and captured Tom and Cris to perfection.

Your Shadow Falling (Caesar) by @coffeeblack75 (E, Chakotay/Cristóbal Rios). Coffee took all these conversations we had, all her insights into these characters and turned them into something joyous and true, smutty and searching.

Not Star Trek at all and not a new story, but Gentle Antidote by x_los was everything I could want in a Peter Wimsey/Harriet Vane story that also happened to be a soulmark fic.

4. favorite opening line/scene you wrote this year

"I took another sip of tea and longed for coffee." - From I Thoroughly Lived. Mostly because that is how I feel every time I am drinking tea. 

5. favorite ending line/scene you wrote this year

"But in the morning he smiled at her, and she was lost all over again." From Touched. 

6. a trope you wrote this year

I think the only out-and-out trope I wrote was a stuck-in-the-turbolift story. Man, I need to do better next year. 

7. pairings you wrote this year

To the surprise of no one, mostly J/C, but with an increasing amount of Gen, which was an absolute dream to write. 

8. a fic regret from this year

I wrote something I was really proud of, but it hasn't had a chance to see the light of day yet. Hope springs eternal. 

9. a song that helped you write

I always feel weird admitting this, but I'm not a big music person? I spent several days listening to Patsy Cline in December, though, and it got me thinking about a whole series of angsty, melancholy stories based on her songs. Stay tuned. 

10. total number of fics you posted

Eleven stories. My goal for the year was ten, so suck it 2020.

11. total number of words you posted

63,653 (one piece was co-authored, but I can totes claim all those words for these purposes, right? :D )

12. most popular fic written this year

If we're talking hits and kudos alone, A Sensible Understanding - I mean, it was a smut fest with feels, what's not to love? It was an AU (of sorts) of a rather different story from a few months prior and became its far-more-popular younger sibling. I kind of love that about fic writing. 

Between Decks 4 and 5 has also chugged right along and struck a different chord with readers: two people, stuck together in many ways, really just needing to actually talk to each other. 

13. least popular fic written this year

Ship, a little drabble I wrote about Harry meeting Voyager. I don't mind. 

14. longest completed fic you posted this year

I Thoroughly Lived, coming in at 15,208 words. That was a fun one to write: first person POV, a period AU, and an attempt at gothic mystery. Also corset smut.

15. shortest completed fic you posted this year

The aforementioned Ship (100 words)

16. favorite character to write about this year

Well, that would be Chakotay, wouldn't it? Always and forever. I find the glimpses of layers and contradictions and growth endlessly fascinating. I particularly enjoyed getting to explore his relationships with others this year: Tuvok and Harry, Gerron, Seven, and Cris. Definitely planning on more of that for 2021. 

17. a fic you didn’t expect to write

Wherever We're Lost (Jupiter) was probably the most unexpected. It was the first time I'd stretched beyond writing for Voyager and the first time I'd written a pairing besides J/C. @coffeeblack75 and I had so much fun analyzing Cris, thinking about how he'd interact with Chakotay, what brought them both to where we see them. So far, our stories are still the only two in that pairing, but we have more planned. And hey, we all need a rare pair, don't we?

18. most memorable comment/review

I received so many lovely comments this year, and I treasure each one like the baubles they are, but I think my favorite one came from BlackVelvet on Wherever We're Lost (Jupiter) because it encompasses steps forward for me as a writer and the feeling that I am starting to progress:

"You could say i'm an unlikely fan of this story. I haven't seen Picard, have no idea who Rios is, rarely read m/m. Then again, i am a fan of your writing. And it's a delightful feeling to pick up a story, whatever story, and start reading it with a certainty that whatever happens, it'll be amazing, cause you trust the writer. You do not disappoint."

19. fics you wanted to write but didn’t

I've had several stories involving B'Elanna that hadn't quite bubbled to the surface yet, but I think (I hope) 2021 will be their year. 

20. something you want to write next year

The B'Elanna stories. The next chapter in the Mythology series. And I want to keeping branching out into other fandoms. That Nancy Drew/Frank Hardy story I've had half-written for a couple years now. Maybe some one-offs in other fandoms that give me some closure.