#this whole album was just profoundly comforting

[knightofleo]

Four Tet | Loved

[bigreputation92592]

The world is an enchanting place, filled with a harmonious blend of strength and gratitude. 💖💕💞💕💕💞💕💖💖

Dear Taylor Alison Swift, @taylorswiftsdaily

I hope all is well with you. I wrote you this letter, I hope you find a way and get to read it. My name is Kelley Sagiv. I just wanted to express my deep admiration for YOU, Taylor Swift. You have been a source of inspiration and have played a significant role in helping me through difficult times.

When I was ten years old, my family and I decided to take a road trip to Florida to celebrate Passover with my extended family members. On Saturday, April 12, 2003, we embarked on a road trip from Brooklyn, NY, to Florida. When we arrived in South Carolina on Sunday, April 13, 2003, I asked my mother, "What time is it?" She said, "It's 1:30 p.m., Kelly," and my whole world changed in an instant. Tires were screeching, and horns were blowing, but I did not hear anything. I was ejected along with my father, sister Lily, twin sister Ashley, and two dogs from the SUV. Luckily, an off-duty nurse was driving behind our vehicle at the time. I had a brainstem injury what led me to became quadriplegic and vocal cords paralysis.          

Life, as we both know, paints its canvas with both triumphs and tribulations. Through the highs and lows, your melodies have resonated with the echoes of my heart, serving as a sanctuary during moments of uncertainty and despair. @taylorswift @taylornation

My sister Lily and I share a unique bond, forged not only in the crucible of paralysis but more profoundly, in our shared love for you, Taylor Swift music. We've playfully altered lyrics, adapting words to resonate with our own experiences. In the album Fearless, Taylor Swift sing, "You Belong With Me, She wears high heels, I wear sneakers, She's Cheer Captain, and I'm on the bleachers, and we added I'm on a wheelchair." A playful twist capturing the spirit of our shared journey. We also frequently create videos where we recite the bridge sections of Taylor Swift songs. Lily and I both find Your music to have a therapeutic effect.

I love all your songs, but I truly relate more to the song "Clean" from the 1989 album. I know "Clean" is about someone getting clean and recovering from drugs, which doesn’t apply to me, but I relate to the lyrics in a different way. Every day, I feel like I'm struggling with myself. Being quadriplegic and having vocal cord paralysis, I constantly feel like, "The water filled my lungs; I screamed so loud, but no one heard a thing."

In 2016, a Friday night marked the onset of symptoms—coughing up green phlegm and difficulty breathing. Hospitalized and diagnosed with pneumonia, all I craved in solitude was the comfort of your music. My sister Lily, understanding the healing power of your lyrics, joined me, and together we playfully adapted "Clean" to capture the moment. 

All I wanted to do was change another lyric to Taylor’s song; Lily and I decided to change the lyrics to "Clean," "The water filled my lungs; I screamed so loud, but no one heard a thing," and I added, "Medicine drips; now I could finally breathe!" A week later, discharged from the hospital, your music became the melody of my recovery.

Your lyrics are not just verses; they are profound reflections of the human experience. As you sing in "All Too Well," "Time won't fly; it's like I'm paralyzed by it. I'd like to be my old self again, but I'm still trying to find it." This sentiment resonates deeply with me—I, too, am on a journey to rediscover and love myself again, to reclaim the person I was before my accident. @taylorswift

Taylor, your music has been my refuge and a conduit for self-expression when words failed. Your ability to transmute heartbreak into power has guided me through moments of heartache, resilience, and growth. "Sometimes I feel like everybody is a sexy baby" mirrors the vulnerability I've known, your music reflecting my path of self-discovery. @longlovelive @tswiftdaily

There are instances when I get the sensation that I am conversing with a ghost who is there in the room while I am talking to myself. My mood swings fluctuate like a scale that fluctuates up and down. It's never consistent. My critical internal monologue tells me that I am ugly, fat, hopeless, and worthless, and have a big, unsightly nose. It also tells me that I am obese. In my opinion, there will never be anyone who wants to be with me. In my mind, I think that my friends only spend time with me because they feel sorry for me and want to make me feel better about myself. I feel like this is the only reason they hang out with me. I know it’s not true. I know that they really love me and want to hang out me. It’s only my brain making up these thoughts, but I can’t help but feeling like this. Sometimes I get the impression that no one appreciates my personality or the kind of person I am. I get the feeling that I am "always" the problem, much like how Taylor Swift referred to herself in the song "Anti Hero" from her album "Midnights," saying "It's me, Hi!" I'm the problem; it's me, it's me, hi! I'm the problem; it's me. Everybody agrees. I'll stare directly at the sun, but never in the mirror. It must be exhausting always rooting for the anti-hero." @taylornation @taylor-swiftfacts

In the darkest corners of my existence, your songs became beacons of hope. Your words inspired me to fight through adversity, to never lose sight of the strength within. "I best believe I'm still bejeweled. When I walk in the room, I can still make the whole place shimmer" encapsulates the essence of standing tall despite the storms.

Most of my life, I've been embarrassed about my appearance, and sometimes I feel like everyone around me is "gorgeous on the inside and outside." While I'm like the ugly duckling of the wicked west, who has no regard for her own appearance because she believes she’s to worthless, unattractive, useless, and fat to everyone around her, according to her, she does not believe she is worthy as a person and will never find true love. The more I look around, the more I find myself feeling jealous of what other people are doing in my environment that I am not able to do. When I see people doing everything, they want without depending on anyone, I become emotional, teary-eyed, and depressed. I believe in my heart that they live a better life than I do. They do not need to rely on anyone for assistance, as I do. When I am among other people, sometimes I feel like saying, "Sometimes I feel like everybody is a sexy baby." "And I'm a monster on the hill." Mentioned in the song, “Anti- Hero” by Taylor Swift from her “Midnights” album.  @taylorswiftstyle

Unfortunately, scalpers purchased most of the tickets, and each ticket is triple the price! Wheelchair-accessible tickets cost more than regular tickets. I find it disgusting and unpleasant. I feel like scalpers bought the wheelchair accessible tickets on the floor and then changed the price for each wheelchair accessible ticket by quadrupling the price. They take advantage, and it’s disgraceful! I needed to purchase at least 5 tickets, and each ticket costs $2700, and that doesn't include the tax fees.

I purchased tickets to Taylor Swift’s concert in April and planned on coming to the concert on Sunday, May 28 at MetLife Stadium; however, about on April 14, 2023, I got a major infection and was hospitalized for a month. I became septic from a UTI, and the infection spread to my lungs, and I got double pneumonia. 

As I navigate life's twists and turns, I am profoundly grateful for the gift of your artistry. Your ability to capture the complexity of human emotions has made you a timeless beacon of strength and vulnerability. During moments of uncertainty, when life threw unexpected twists my way, your lyrics provided comfort and understanding. "Shake It Off" became an anthem, a reminder to dance through difficulties and let go of what I couldn't control.

On a ventilator, fighting to breathe, your music played on repeat, providing a steady rhythm in moments where breathing became a fight. Your resilience once again became a guiding light, illuminating a path of optimism and hope.

My sister Lily constantly played Taylor Swift's music on repeat or on shuffle with all her albums, knowing how much her music filled my heart. In the hospital, my sister Lily even made posters to put on my wall saying, "Shake it off, shake it off!"

On May 6th, I was discharged from the hospital, but unfortunately, I had to stay in Florida for my recovery. Unfortunately, I was unable to travel to New York to attend The Eras Tour.

I was depressed and heartbroken when I had to miss the eras tour in MetLife Stadium. I felt my world was over I experienced a profound sense of despair, sorrow, and anguish. I wasn't sure if I would ever get the opportunity again to attend The Eras Tour. But Taylor Swift, you filled me with renewed optimism when you revealed that you would be including additional shows in Miami, Florida on October 18, 19, and 20. I was filled with immense joy and a sense of elation. 

I was extremely delighted to learn that you have included additional Eras Tours in Miami on Sunday, October 20, 2024. I successfully obtained a pre-sale code and received it. However, when I attempted to enter the queue waiting room half an hour before the ticket sale began, I encountered an issue and was unable to access the room. For an hour, it wasn’t working for me. At 3:45 p.m., I was finally able to enter the queue waiting room, but I found myself 8,000 spots behind everyone else. When it was my turn, every ticket that I was about to buy said that someone had already beaten me to those tickets. Each time I attempted, it consistently provided me with the same response. Sadly, I couldn’t purchase any tickets.

I understand that being a verified fan does not guarantee the purchase of tickets. Unfortunately, Ticketmaster did not offer any tickets that were accessible for individuals with disabilities. I am deeply disappointed by Ticketmaster's decision to not offer any ADA-accessible tickets. It is truly disheartening and unacceptable.

I am having the same issues that I previously had to try to purchase Taylor Swift tickets. The scalpers and other people are selling Taylor Swift tickets to The Eras Tour in Miami on Sunday, October 20, 2024, each ticket is selling for $5000+. I’m trying everything I can think of to be at The Eras Tour in Miami on Sunday, October 20, 2024. I would be so grateful and feel like the luckiest person in the world if you would pick me to receive the hat giveaway during the performance of the song "22" and give it to me. I am going to be at the Eras Tour in Miami, no matter what. If I must spend thousands of dollars for each ticket, then that’s what I will do.

My transformation into a Swiftie began when I first heard "Love Story," a song from the Fearless album. Being a Swiftie has always been dear to my heart, and it only gets stronger with every passing day or year.

Taylor, your impact on my life is immeasurable. Your music has been a steadfast companion, a testament to the transformative power of art. I extend my deepest gratitude for the strength, inspiration, and solace your music has gifted me.

I wish that we were friends in person. I wish that we talk and tell each other everything. I want to learn everything from you. I want to learn how to be more confident in myself, how to love myself, and how to be a greater person. I would be so grateful and feel like the luckiest person in the world if you could pick me to receive the hat during the performance of the song "I’m feeling 22" and give it to me. I didn’t purchase tickets for the Eras Tour in Miami on Sunday, October 20, 2024. But no matter what I need to do, I’ll be present at the eras tour on Sunday, October 20,2024, in Miami. 

I’m trying everything I can think of to be at The Eras Tour in Miami on Sunday, October 20, 2024.

My transformation into a Swiftie fan began when I heard "Love Story," a song from the Fearless album. Being a Swiftie fan has always been dear to my heart, and it only gets stronger with every passing day or year.

Thank you for being a source of inspiration, a constant presence in my life. I eagerly anticipate the day when I can attend one of your performances, not just as a fan, but as someone whose life has been profoundly touched by your art.

I am quadriplegic and have vocal cord paralysis, but I still know how to shake it off! And dance like a disco ball who is always shining bright like a shimmery diamond.

Thank you for being a source of inspiration, a constant presence in my life. I eagerly anticipate the day when I can attend one of your performances, not just as a fan, but as someone whose life has been profoundly touched by your art.

Thank you, Taylor Swift, for taking the time to read my letter; I respectfully await your reply, as this is extremely important to me. @taylorswift @taylornation

With heartfelt gratitude,

Kelly Sagiv

[heartsleevemag]

Newness and Nostalgia: Fall Out Boy in Raleigh, NC

By Jude McDonald

Like countless other teenagers grieving the loss of their youth as they navigate the turmoil, heartbreak, and insecurity of adolescence, I found my comfort in music – specifically, Fall Out Boy. The pop punk band from Chicago stood out to me from the moment they ended their hiatus, giving me words to describe abstract feelings I'd never been able to articulate. (After all, Pete Wentz can "write it better than you ever felt it.") Fall Out Boy's brilliantly bold artistry shifted over time as the band changed, bending and defying genres, and their fans followed them along the way. But I always found myself coming back to the classics, hoping that one day I’d get to hear my favorite songs live. And last Tuesday night at PNC Arena in Raleigh, North Carolina, I did. 

Raleigh was one of the earlier stops on Fall Out Boy’s current tour, So Much For (2our) Dust, in support of their most recent album, 2023’s So Much For Stardust. The band came with three phenomenal opening acts and the promise of a night to remember. The first opener was Games We Play, a new three-piece addition to bassist Pete Wentz’s record label. Games We Play’s infectious energy and endearing humility charmed the crowd without effort. Even though the arena was barely full, the three musicians played their hearts out, giving all their energy to the audience. Following Games We Play, Hot Mulligan took the stage. Their heavy, deep sound and emotional energy filled the room as the lead singer made the stage his own. No member of the audience was immune to the deep, reflective vibe. The third opener was crowd-favorite Jimmy Eat World. An undeniably classic band, they prepared the audience for the type of nostalgia that Fall Out Boy brings to the stage, oozing an enthusiasm that brought the whole crowd to their feet. 

My first thought once the curtain dropped and I heard those first heart-stopping notes of “Love From The Other Side,” was that Fall Out Boy’s production is breathtaking. With giant moons framing the stage, and lighting in all different colors, and the flamethrower bass (yes, you heard that right), there is no shortage of spectacles to be entertained by. And while the band generally keeps the show consistent in style and structure, there are a few surprises fans can expect to… unexpect. On the first SMFS tour, fans were tortured and delighted by Fall Out Boy’s newest addition: the portion of the set known as the “magic 8 ball.” The 8 ball, which they brought back for (2our) Dust, is a surprise song. In this slot, the band chooses a deep cut to revisit that usually shocks the audience – some of these songs are finally getting their live debut despite having been released almost twenty years ago. There are also other places in the set for them to shake it up, like lead singer Patrick Stump’s nightly piano medleys and the infamous fifth song, where “A Little Less Sixteen Candles, A Little More Touch Me” is on the official setlist but is sometimes delayed in favor of a surprise track. Either way, it’s apparent that the band knows we adore the new album, but also want the chance to hear our beloved favorites. Raleigh was graced with “Dead On Arrival,” “The Pros and Cons of Breathing” – its first live performance since 2007! – and “What A Time To Be Alive” during the piano medley (that one, I was extremely excited about). 

Overall, there was something communal about the entire experience; from the dad one row above me that had obviously been dragged along (and was endlessly amused by my hype and lyrical knowledge), to the really tall guy somewhere in the floor seats who seemed to pump his fists everytime I did, everyone in the room shared something special that night. Concert culture has changed profoundly in recent years, but this show took me back to when audiences looked out for each other and strangers became friends, just by loving the same music. If I ever see Fall Out Boy again – and let’s be real, I’m hooked now – I won’t hesitate to jump around and sing until my lungs give out. 

Fall Out Boy will be touring through early April, before taking a break and then jetting off for festival season. You can find the list of So Much For (2our) Dust dates HERE. And don't forget to check out our highlights gallery from the show below!

[thesinglesjukebox]

MANDY, INDIANA - "PINKING SHEARS"

Ian brings us some British-French post-punk with no Indiana involvement...

[7.40]

Ian Mathers: I don't remember what the song was, but I still remember the feeling the first time I encountered music that didn't immediately make sense to me. This isn't quite the same thing as music I find disappointing or lacklustre at first but grow to love -- a category that contains an awful lot of my favourite music, and is an endlessly renewable resource. But up until that point everything I had run into was something I immediately either liked or disliked (yr boy was a big fan of "Never Gonna Give You Up" when it was originally a hit, if that helps date me), and to hear something that was somehow neither was profoundly disturbing. As I got older and more into music, finding something that truly doesn't make sense at first has become rarer and rarer. More things get adopted into your repertoire, you have more context, and often you realize that stuff that bent your brain in your own history had plenty of antecedents that make them less singular. And that feeling... that little shock of non-recognition when you're used to recognizing so much, that little moment of "why or how did someone come up with this?" that sparks across your brain... it's like hearing about a new country when you thought you knew all of them. It's a reminder that life never settles into a comfortable box. None of the elements that Mandy, Indiana use to make their music are particularly confusing to me (hell, I even took French all through high school). But the first time I played i've seen a way, I had that feeling. These didn't feel like songs. They had elements of songs. Some like "Pinking Shears" even had choruses, relatable sentiments (who isn't tired?). They had sounds and structures I was broadly familiar with. But something about the way each track, and the album as a whole, was put together made me feel like my brain was degaussed. I spent maybe my first four listens in a rapturous quasi-panic, for the first time in years not being able to respond to a piece of music in the ways I was used to responding. I'm sure when that happens to anyone, it's not 100% inherent to the music itself. There may have been other bands who could have done this to me if the phase of the moon or my choice of lunch that day had been just right. But it felt rare and precious when I got that experience from Mandy, Indiana. And then, a second miracle: as I kept listening, "Pinking Shears" and the rest of i've seen a way resolved in my ears into just songs, the way these things always do (since it's hard to repeatedly experience the shock of the new from the same thing). And it turned out those songs were really really great. [10]

Vikram Joseph: This is so strange and addictive - a righteous French diatribe about racist border policies over a rhythmic racket and stomach-churning synths that sound like a cow in distress. From Brooklyn Vegan's English translation: "Those we bombard are told to fuck off / and then we elect bankers / and posh assholes and rentiers / and we are surprised to get fucked." I mean, yeah. Imagine how fatigué we are. Imagine how fatigué we are of it. [8]

Tim de Reuse: What's it take to go industrial in an age of digital purity? Chase the feeling of a grimy, misanthropic without actually getting any dirt under your fingernails. Meticulously ugly, to distract you from how it's actually neat and tidy. Check out the perfect knife's edge of that snare drum; check out the huge, reflective metallic object that passes for a bassline; check out the clean, papery reverb. I'd criticize it for being inauthentic if it wasn't so much more fun than the things it's ripping off. [8]

Joshua Minsoo Kim: Nestling its way into a sound between Filth-era Swans and the EBM of the same decade (Severed Heads, Front 242, Nitzer Ebb), "Pinking Shears" aims for a raw, cavernous sound that's more hollow than all-consuming. The playful French vocals provide an amusing contrast to all the whirring, but that's sort of it. Big synth bass, big crunch, big yawn. [5]

Micha Cavaseno: Vaguely answering a question nobody asked, which is "What if Liars were signed to Amphetamine Reptile or Skin Graft?". It's got one point, and it delivers it in perhaps the most cast-off gag and splutter of a way, before hurrying along with its day and avoiding trying to remember what color and texture of its release it was, but never quite getting rid of the taste for the next couple days. Love the clutter of the percussion sounding like a rude joke at a dance's expense, pushed aside by a belch of bullying rock. How rude. [7]

Taylor Alatorre: I always sorta felt that the world needed a Kidz Bop version of Einstürzende Neubauten. [7]

Hannah Jocelyn: I'm sorry, that percussion riff sounds like "Crack a Bottle," the vocals sound like The Google Translate Song, I can't take this seriously. That said, [6]

Oliver Maier: This is my "just say you hate fun". [8]

Jacob Sujin Kuppermann: Genuinely a bad and unpleasant time in the way that most latter-generation "post punk" can only feint at. Feels much longer than 2.5 minutes, but not tediously so -- each moment of this drags you down into itself, each metallic hi-hat snap and guitar scratch a barb into exposed skin. [8]

Nortey Dowuona: Simon Catling's humming bassline shows up halfway through the song over Isaac Jones' drums, with jagged shards of guitar by Scott Fair slunk in at each interval at the end of Valentina Caulfield's chorus, punctuating them with a phlegmy shriek. Caulfield's vocals at first feel like a representation of politesse but gain an edge of menace over the crashing of the percussion. The bass presses the guitar into the margins allowing Caulfield to fill up the middle of the mix, repeating the refrain. [6]

Michael Hong: I like when that beefy fart of a bassline arrives, a really nice rejoinder for the rattling voices in your head. [6]

Brad Shoup: I love when post-punkers stomp, when they strip it down to a megalithic groove. All kinds of stuff on the ground can stick to it. The first half feels like a (bear with me) minimal, metallic go-go take on Cop Shoot Cop's "$10 Bill". To reach the more trad second half, they catapult in some streaks of noise. (This transitional part, and I take far more pleasure in hearing than saying this, sounds like "Come With Me" from the 1998 Godzilla soundtrack.) But that recedes, and Valentine Caulfield reveals the song's final form: protest rap. A [7] for the journey. [7]

Wayne Weizhen Zhang: You don't need to be francophone in order to understand Mandy, Indiana's vitriol and rage. But the lyrics are worth dissecting: "Nothing makes me want to continue in the filth of our society/I don't have have any desire to wake up when we let humans die in the Mediterranean." This is a tirade about how we treat refugees, and the existential exhaustion that comes from living in a world where this feels normal. [7]

Katherine St Asaph: For months I assumed based on the name that Mandy, Indiana was an emo band. If I had known they would instead be spoken-word French over a harsh but oddly unchaotic post-punk dervish, I might have listened to the album earlier than Q4. Assumptions foil me again! [9]

Aaron Bergstrom: I did not expect the revolution to be this much fun. Embrace the chaos. Build a new world from the ashes of the old. Dance on the barricades. [9]

Claire Biddles: My face is just gasping_pikachu.jpeg the whole way through this -- yes!!! [9]

Michelle Myers: Mandy, Indiana's music makes me feel like I'm wearing a perfectly worn-in leather jacket and red lipstick that never smears, waiting in line to get into a club that I already know I'm not cool enough to get into. [6]

Kat Stevens: I'm glad there'll always be people making music that sitcom teenagers can slam their bedroom doors and stick on at high volume, to the despair of their parents. "Where did we go wrong, Adam?" "I don't know Helen, our sweet girl... it's like I don't even know her anymore. Were we too indulgent? Too strict?" "Well Adam, in retrospect maybe constantly playing The Downward Spiral to get her off to sleep while she was a baby wasn't the best idea." [7]

Alfred Soto: To play loudly and indiscriminately when holiday twaddle begins to choke you. [7]

Anna Katrina Lockwood: I am so tired, yet I cannot sleep. [8]

[Read, comment and vote on The Singles Jukebox ]

[chorusfm]

Yellowcard – Life a Sail

In the Yellowcard discography, Lift a Sail is the oddity. It’s not a pop-punk album, for one thing – not really even close. There are arena rock songs on this record, and songs inspired by ‘90s alt-rock, and songs with a whole lot of electronic flourishes, and songs that are experimental and minimalist. There are arguably zero songs that sound like the Yellowcard of old: the band with big, bright choruses, and lyrics about summertime, and triumphant electric violin solos, and rapidfire, double-time drums. And speaking of those drums, this record marks Yellowcard’s first without drummer Longineu “LP” Parsons III, whose technical acumen behind the kit was always a strong selling point for many listeners. For all these reasons and more, Lift a Sail was a tough pill to swallow for a lot of Yellowcard fans when it arrived 10 years ago. I remember the AbsolutePunk.net forums in the days after the album came out, and the divide in the Yellowcard threads about whether it lived up to their legacy. Plenty of fans loved it, and found the departures the band made from their signature sound to be refreshing and invigorating. But another segment of listeners – if we’re being honest, a larger segment – was baffled by what they were hearing. The phrase “sell out” was definitely bandied about, as if no pop-punk band worth its salt could try on electropop flourishes without going artistically bankrupt. A lot of fans missed the pop-punk, missed the summertime vibes, missed the big choruses and the bigger drums. I definitely remember a few users saying that, if LP wasn’t going to be a part of the band’s universe anymore, then they didn’t want to be, either. I remember all of that, but what I remember more is listening to Lift a Sail over and over and over again that week, looking for solace in its melancholy songs. The album dropped, officially, on October 7. I probably heard it for the first time two or three weeks before that, courtesy of a label advance. Between those two dates, on October 2, my grandpa died, at the age of 88. All the albums I was listening to that fall are refracted through the prism of that loss, even to this day. I doubt I’ll ever hear Andrew McMahon’s debut Wilderness album, or U2’s Songs of Innocence, or Field Report’s Marigolden, or Damien Rice’s My Favourite Faded Fantasy without thinking of my grandfather and the cloud his death cast on that autumn. But of all those albums, Lift a Sail was the one that released closest the day my grandpa died, and as a result, it is the album I most associate with the grief of those weeks. If you’d have told me leading into that fall that a Yellowcard album would provide the comforting soundtrack to my life’s first real encounter with death and loss, I’m not sure I would have believed you. That’s not to say this band hadn’t already proven themselves, many times over, to be capable of making music that was profoundly meaningful to me. In my life soundtrack, though, Yellowcard were adolescent longing and teenage summer crushes; they were last-night-of-summer melancholy and, eventually, end-of-college reflection. Their music was all about growing up and coming-of-age. It didn’t seem dark enough or stark enough to speak to something as harrowing as death. But as I’ve already mentioned, Lift a Sail wasn’t just another Yellowcard album. Frontman Ryan Key wrote the songs about his relationship with (now ex-wife) Alyona Alekhina, a former professional snowboarder who was left paralyzed from the waist down in a 2013 snowboarding accident. “One Bedroom,” the album’s first single, bears the scars of that incident and sounds distinctly unlike any other Yellowcard single as a result. Most Yellowcard albums are introduced with big, bold, catchy rock songs: “Way Away” as the first taste of Ocean Avenue, the title track leading the way for Lights and Sounds, “Light up the Sky” introducing Paper Walls, “For You, and Your Denial” breaking the silence after the band’s lengthy hiatus in the leadup to When You’re Through Thinking, Say… https://chorus.fm/reviews/yellowcard-life-a-sail/

[lovejustforaday]

Shoegaze Classics - Flying Saucer Attack

Flying Saucer Attack - Flying Saucer Attack (1993)

Main Genres: Experimental Rock, Shoegaze, Noise Rock, Lofi Indie

A decent sampling of: Space Rock, Ambient, Noise Pop, Post-Rock, Neo-Psychedelia

So initially I decided to start this rundown of classic 90s shoegaze records with an album by the band Lush, one of the most melodic and accessible groups of the original first wave of the "scene that celebrates itself". Naturally, I've decided now to write about a band fixed somewhere on the complete opposite end of the spectrum. So let's take an inter-stellar ride into the raucous, illusory "rural psychedelia" of Flying Saucer Attack's self-titled LP.

The Band

Flying Saucer Attack (Fucking marvelous band name btw) formed in 1992 during the height of the original British Isles shoegazing scene.

The only real band members consisted of a duo, made up of lead guitarist and vocalist Dave Pearce, and bassist Rachel Brook. The two hailed from Bristol, a city more famous at the time for being at the epicenter of the emerging trip hop sound, and not exactly the primary hub of the growing "scene that celebrates itself".

But beyond that, the shoegazing sound was already reaching what would become its definitive peak in popularity around the time that Flying Saucer Attack was just starting, just as indie bands in the U.S. of A. were becoming conscious of the UK scene, taking notes and creating their own mesmerizing shoegaze records. As far as UK groups go, Flying Saucer Attack were late-comers. Hell, I even thought these guys were an American band until I went and did the research.

It's also noteworthy that most of the first wave shoegaze bands got their momentum started by releasing a series of EPs before doing the big debut record; meanwhile Flying Saucer Attack's first major release was their first full-length LP.

EPs were often of equal importance to LPs, and often just as celebrated in the world of shoegaze. They were the necessary steam needed to run the engines of the hype machines that helped to make bands like Slowdive, Lush, and Swervedriver become legendary acts in their very insular scene. Comparatively, Flying Saucer Attack were not a big name at the time, but I'd argue that they are one of the A-tier bands of the first wave.

I'd also say that early Flying Saucer Attack were also every bit as much of a lo-fi band and noise rock band (and sometimes a space rock band) as they were ever a shoegaze band. If I had to make comparisons to get the point across, I would say that their early signature sound is very EVOL era Sonic Youth, meets the harsher early output of Jesus and Mary Chain, meets shoegaze's heavy reverb, muted vocals, and blending guitar pedals. If Lush had a cleaner sound as a shoegaze band, then Flying Saucer Attack's sound was the antithesis of clean. Moreover, like Slowdive and especially Lovesliescrushing, Flying Saucer Attack also had a penchant for including more ambient pieces in their catalogue. The band did not limit itself to one sound, not even for the span of a single record, as you can clearly see based on how many 'main genres' I had to tag this particular record with.

The Record

Flying Saucer Attack's self-titled debut Flying Saucer Attack, sometimes also referred to by its alternative title Rural Psychedelia, is a very noisy, raw, and experimental undertaking. It is a vast and open twilight wilderness of crunchy guitar sounds guiding through an eerie, tepid, liminal atmosphere. It also really has the potential to ruin your speakers and quite possibly your ears if you play it at full volume.

As far as the general trend goes of burying vocals in the mix that is common to the shoegaze formula, this is definitely one of the more extreme examples that I can think of. Dave Pearce is hardly a whisper to be heard over these profoundly opaque, crackling, impressionist guitar paintings. The whole experience is something I would describe as oddly comforting and even sleepiness-inducing, despite sounding at most times incredibly abrasive. In this way, the record is almost like a soft bed of musical sandpaper. If the band had just came on to the scene and released the self-titled today, I can't help but feel that it would be an almost instant classic to a very specific, mostly online crowd that adores bands like Have A Nice Life and The Microphones. Then again, these bands themselves had to gain their reputation over a long time, so I suppose it could always a possibility in the future for Flying Saucer Attack as well. And for the what it's worth, I enjoy this considerably more than Deathconsciousness.

"My Dreaming Hill" is a fantastic opener. It immerses the listener in an electromagnetic solar wind of raucous, psychedelic shoegaze fuzz. I could practically disintegrate into dust just listening to this track, and slowly disappear into the night.

"Wish" is as kinda poppy as this record gets. It makes a beautiful, decaying mess of its upbeat melody, with razor sharp haze jutting out in all directions like a accretion disk. "Popul Vuh 1" and "2" are two parts of an ambient experimental rock song placed in different parts of the album, not immediately following one another but instead serving kind of like intermissions from the rougher noise rock timbres of the rest of the record.

Neither of these tracks have very much to do with shoegaze at all if I'm being honest, but they are both some of my favourite moments on this record, particularly the enchanting extended 10 minutes of "Popul Vuh 1". If reincarnation existed, I would like to think that the time spent in between lives either sounds or just feels something very akin to the atmosphere on these pieces. its as if in this moment, nothing exists but your consciousness and the vastness of the universe.

The somber closer "The Season is Ours" is probably the track that most perfectly evokes the very kind of imagery chosen to be the cover art of Flying Saucer Attack's debut. It is soothing, but also has this mild unease of dread. An entirely solitary feeling permeates.

I totally get that to some people, this will just sound like loud shoegaze recorded on a potato, especially if you aren't paying attention to the background textures. I readily admit that this is certainly a grower as a record, with maybe one or two tracks that are probably a bit too noisy for their own good.

And if you're the kind of person to get headaches from loud noises, then I'd steer very fucking clear of this one If I were you. But I love this project. There's just a really immaculate balance struck between the unyielding, grainy, scratchy guitar fuzz that dominates the record, and the very restrained vocals and glum atmosphere created by Rachel's bass.

It's one of those records that sounds exactly how you'd think it would sound based on the cover and the title, but definitely in a good way. Flying Saucer Attack is one of the most wholly complete album experiences of the original first wave of shoegaze, with a clear and bold artistic vision to match its marvelous blend of guitar sounds, making the band feel very ahead of their peers at the time.

What Came After That?

Flying Saucer Attack is supposedly still an active band, but Rachel Brooks left decades ago around the time of the second record, and releases have been few and far between ever since the 2000s.

Dave Pearce's focus and output has increasingly shifted away from shoegaze to the more of the spacey, ambient stuff on tracks like "Popul Vuh 1" and "2". He released the most recent LP under the bands' name in 2015, simply titled "Instrumentals 2015". Not exactly a genius when it comes to naming his projects, but I'll give him a pass cause the record I just reviewed kicks plenty of ass. Check it out.

9/10

Highlights: "My Dreaming Hill", "Popul Vuh 1", "Popul Vuh 2", "Wish", "The Season Is Ours", "A Silent Tide"

[jean-does-not-have-a-horseface]

Would you do a Jean x Reader x Reiner one? The reader felt so betrayed by Reiner being a titan shifter and when he left she felt so confused whether she can loves him or not after finding out the truth. Jean comfort her and they eventually fall in love. Or you can do a modern au one where Reiner cheated on the reader and Jean begin to see his chance with the reader then they both had a relationship. But she still can't forget Reiner. I truly love your writing! Have a good day ! ♥

i was wondering if you could do a modern au jean x reader. where the reader is very stressed for a test of some kind, and jean and the reader end up skipping the test and spend the whole day together instead, where towards the end of the day jean confesses his feelings for the reader. a lot of fluff please if you could i am obsessed sorry by @cj-sparkss

A/N: So i decided to merge those two requests because they fit really good together in my head! I hope ou guys like this! I strongly recommend listening to any song in Halsey's album, Manic while reading.

Pairing: Jean/ Reader, some past Reiner/ reader if you squint

Tags: college!au, art school au, fluff all the way

Warnings: Jean being way too cute for his own sake, seriously

Sketches Of You

Your head was burning.

Your eyes were stinging; tiny little little blood vessels were popping here and there, throbbing profoundly as they merged together, rushing their way to your irises. You didn't know for how long you had been awake, mostly because a few days had passed and you didn't remember falling asleep or waking up on your once comfortable desk chair.

Before you laid numerous books open in different pages, most of the writting they held emphasized by your favorite pastel highlighter. What felt like your lamp buzzed, burning a canary yellow light over the mahogany material of your desk, warming up the spot where your hand used to lay. A pen in your hand was all you could bring yourself to hold with your numb, frozen fingers, the plastic edges of its tube sunk into your skin, carving bumps to mark their spot in your hand.

Wait, oh no, you thought as you looked around this wasn't your dorm, this was the university's library.

The library around you was extremely quiet as you laid face down on one book, your mouth slightly part and your lips dry save for the little ribbon of drool that moistened a line down your right cheek. Only for one more minute, you told yourself, deciding to shut your eyes together just to allow them sometime to rest, ignoring how such request was what had caused you to drift off to such extend in the first place. Stinging tears escaped the corners of your eyelids, signifying how tired and dry your irises had grown to be. Letting out a huge sigh you tried to lift your head, at least this could be an attempt to get your life together for the day.

Your scattered books came to close quietly under your palms, the numerous pieces of papers and notes being tucked messily in between pages, your own fatigue causing you to break your own rules when it came to being as neat as you could with your notes. Another sigh left you as you sank into the back the plastic chair, your books firmly standing on top of eachother and into your palms.

This test was going to end you. You knew it. Despite having tried to memorise all the information that was required for you to even try to get a five -seriously, a five would be absolutely godsent if you could at least get that grade- all you were left with was your brain feeling mushy and muddy without any actual knowledge of the subject you had been studying for. Why on earth was gothic architecture an essential class in your first year in art school was beyond you. Was this university never supposed to let you graduate on top of trying to prevent you getting in for numerous years?

Resisting the urge to scream or pull your hair off your head you decided that it was time to get up, your knees straightening slightly at the your brain's command, only to be sent back into the blue plastic of your chair, your whole body growling in fatigue. Your chest heavied as you let out a whine, bringing your hands to your eyes to scrub away the stinging ache you were feeling.

"You good?"

Your head turned to the direction of the voice maniacally, your eyes shooting wide as you practically ripped your hands off of your face. Looking up, your (e/c) orbs met with hazel ones, little specs of yellow and green stared back at you through thick eyelashes, adorned with a complex of worry plastered on dark chestnut eyebrows.

"Yeah Jean, I'm just studying."

"Oh it's Mr Ackerman's test right?"

"Hm" you hummed in response, another whine coming out of your lips.

"Yeah I remember how that class went for me. He's pretty nice if you get to know him though. I have to submit a few sketches for tomorrow, can I sit with you or were you leaving?"

"No, I'll keep you company, I need a break from whatever.." your eyes wandered at the books in your hands and the numerous note sheets peaking out from anywhere you could lay your gaze on "..this is."

Extending a hand Jean reached out for the head of the chair right next to you, pulling it back in order to let himself sink into the dark blue plastic seat, similarly to you. His lips pushed into a thin line as he looked at you, his cheek puffing up in the action. A hand came to your shoulder comfortingly as another one pulled out his sketchbook from his run down and way too littered with dry paint tote bag.

"Are those for Moblit's workshop?"

"Mhm." Jean confirmed. "You got any 0.8 tipped inks?"

"Yeah, I do."

Setting the leather covered sketchbook on the mahogany table Jean turned his head to you again, pointing his eyes onto the black pencil case in front of you. In response you shrugged your shoulders, your palms shooting up to your eyes once again. Jean's hand grabbed on your case, his long fingers digging through the numerous inking pens and markers that overlapped each other.

"I can't believe you have the Sakura Pens when you know I don't like them." Jean whined, hands roaming through your belongings still.

"Jean," you said, a deep chuckle escaping you in the process "I happen to like them, you know."

"They're yikes."

"You just can't use them correctly."

"How do you use an inking pen correctly. Enlighten me." Jean mocked, his fingers throwing signs in the air to accentuate his words.

Resting his head on his fist Jean opened his sketchbook, swiping through numerous ivory cold pressed pages, filled with inked sketches. Your eye twitched as you tried to keep up with many of the drawings you could spot; you had seen the contents of this sketchbook a thousand times, admiring Jean's skill with ink. His professor, Mister Moblit had one of the most interesting workshops for students who specialised in inks, and you aspired to take his classes in your following year in art school, supposing you could pass your classes this very semester.

"What are you supposed to be drawing?"

"Anything, mostly things that make us feel like they are important to draw." Jean said.

"Oh and library is important?"

"Sasha said you'll be here, so yup. And I want to draw my hands actually "

You clicked your tongue, shaking your head in borderline disbelief. Honestly, if you weren't that bummed about your test and your recent break up you could have laughed at Jean's sly arrogance. Your eyes traveled to Jean, examining his quiet form as he studied his palms. Inevitably your eyes studied them as well.

His fingers were long and tan and harsh to look at, scrapped in most places with tints of Indian ink. They stuggled to manage with your pencil case, his pinkies and thumbs couldn't even begin to fit in the little object and it made you wonder how he even managed to work his inking pens correctly with such enormous hands. Some veins popped from here and there, accentuating his bulky joints perfectly; they run from the back of his palms to his wrist, mingling with more of their blue kind in his calfs and biceps. The occasional blotches of dried paint were decorating them. Even some paint covered hairs spiked as the light contracted his form.

You smiled miscellaneously.

Your own finger traveled without remorse towards them, poking at a few hairs that were littered with paint. By pinching one, Jean shot back in half pain, his brows furrowing in confusion as he stared at you. "Hey, what they fuck!"

"You do that to me all the time when i have paint in my hands!" You half laughed, shooting him a mocking furrowed look as well.

“You’re so cruel!” Jean grinned.

“To pay you back with your own penny right?”

Jean cocked his eyebrow at you, a few lines begging to make an appearance on his forehead. He shook his head a couple of times, throwing a few shaggy strands of hair away from his face, his forehead immediately lighting up as his ashy blond locks overlapped just above his ears. You mimicked him, using a hand to move your feathery bangs away from your face as to not have them intertwining with your vision.

Jean brought a digit to his mouth, biting at the bulky knuckle while wrapping his lips around it to suck at the sore spot, dramatically mourning the loss of one single hair. It made you laugh harder than it should have and you told him off, quickly grabbing his hand by the wrist to pull it further away from his mouth.

"Ew you idiot are your hands even washed!? Don't put them in your mouth!"

Jean's smile faded gradually as he nodded its only reminder remaining in his eyes as they softened with each passing second they looked at you. You bobbed your head to the side, taking in the way he was looking at you and you felt your gut grunting in the anxiety you had managed to drown at one time.

You definitely knew that look.

"So how are you after... The whole Reiner thing?"

When Jean let the sentence out, he instantly regretted it. Biting back the inside of his lip, his teeth dug into his soft, fleshy gum, the tiny specks of spiky under lip hair he had poking through his chin. You could see the regret plastered on his face, yet you ignored it with a sigh, pushing your stern further back into the chair again.

Of course Jean would ask about that. Reiner and you had broken up a little less that a month ago and it was stressful enough to send your anxiety over the roof. Coming home to find him drapped in the sheets with someone else was still burning through your brain like a hot iron, marking the fleshy crevices by piercing your skull.

Jean and you hadn't had a chance to talk about your break up yet; in the midst of it being a spontaneous reaction to Reiner's anathema and your upcoming mid-terms, you had chosen to indulge yourself fully with the everlasting pleasure of delving into studying.

And now, as you tried to utter your awaited words your stomach clenched at the foreshaken memory that you had tried to bury in the depths of your soul, your hands sweating just a tiny bit as you gulped down on some saliva to dumpen your dry throat. Jean's hazel orbs were set on you with curiosity and reluctance, his skin tingling inside his crewneck sweater.

"I mean, Eren told us about it and then we fought on who would punch Reiner first you know."

You oggled at him as he spoke awkwardly, your lashes batting rapidly as a wave of confusion washed through you.

"You don't have to hit Reiner you know, we all make our choices and he made his."

"Ah," Jean sighed heavily "I suppose so. I'm here for you though, you can talk to me."

"You're actually doing an assignment at the moment" you said and pointed your finger onto his sharp nose, giving him a playful push to the side. "No need to talk about my sorry love life."

"Your love life isn't pitiful, don't talk about it like that!"

"It's not pitiful, just sad." You sighed, reaching out to your pencil case. "Just sad."

Your fingers run through the case even though your eyes weren't fixated on the action, your sense of touch working its way to let you know which object you were seeking. The tips of your fingers caught on the thick Posca marker quickly and you locked it in a grasp between your pointer and middle finger, bringing it up through the zip up opening.

"Give me your hand." You ordered at Jean as you clapped your fingers to your palm in a 'come here' motion.

"It could always get better you know." Jean spoke and threw his hand to you.

Slowly the cap was off the market with a snap and you slid it up towards it's butt to pop it on there as to not lose it in any case it feel off of the desk and onto the mosaic floor.

Jean's nose lit up in a faint scarlet and his ears followed right next, lighting up in a deeper shade of the color on his nose which made his hand snap away from you in a matter of seconds. With puckered lips he stared at the corner of the room that was in the opposite direction of yours, his gut drenching him in short tempered anxiety.

"You done painting my nails with the posca pen?" Jean remarked, lips still puckered as he turned to face you. "When's your exam?"

"Three o'clock."

"Wanna ditch?"

Your eyes goggled in his for a second. The luminous morning light that peaked through the library binds fell onto him dearly, caressing a few of his features in a lemony colored mellow way, your gaze traveled into anywhere on his face as you tried to examine his expression while your gut was beginning to churn at the sly thought of agreeing with his query.

Weighting your options wasn't a seriously hard thing to do; if you took the test you were most likely going to fail, but if you didn't take it you'd have to live with the guilt of not even putting the minimal effort in it for a few weeks. But, you had tried so hard to pass all of your other classes so why shouldn't you slack off for one that was bound to end in a fiasco?

You found yourself nodding to Jean before you could actually give more thought to it. His face immediately lit up, ashy blond locks flying over his eyes as he shook his head in excitement. With one move his sketchbook was closed again, left to mourn over the non existent scribbles Jean could have made during all this time he was sitting next to you.

The hard cover protected sketching pages were thrown into to his tote bag once again, the sound of the sketchbook colliding and clashing with a few more objects he had in the bag filling the silent air of the library.

"Put your books in here!" He offered, opening the sides of the tote bag right on front of your face, signaling you to do as he suggested.

By taking a long sigh you took a turn in throwing your books and pencil case in the bag, one object following another on the pursuit of finding their own place in Jean's crammed bag. A shy smile adorned your features as you looked at him, the mischievous little devil on your shoulder smiling proudly at your actions as if you were a high schooler skipping school.

_____

Black Cat was a notorious cafe among art university students for numerous reasons. For example, it featured a decent amount of of beautiful contemporary art that was meticulously merged with the soft, cobblestone-cottagecore-home-during-the-winter aesthetic and all of their tables, stools and booths were artist-friendly to the max. Additionally it played Nirvana and Metallica for most of the day and on top of that they actually had a chunky and extremely cuddly black cat roaming around the store that you often found on your lap during your time there.

Oh, and the batwoman made amazing custom cocktails.

Really was there anything else anyone needed in a store?

The soft tangerine light flickered open as the sun outside started to hide it's shy low lights under the peak of a mountain you couldn't recall the name of, the soft smell of apple pie filling your nostrils as you sipped lightly from your earl gray tea occasionally, stealing a few glances of Jean's focused expression. A knowingly half smile went up to your face as you looked at the scenery outside before fixing your eyes back onto the bright screen of your phone.

Jean cooed in his leathery chair for the upteenth time today, his gaze fixated on the sketchbook on his hands. You had spend last hour in absolute silence; you had decided to roam around in your phone for references for an assigned collage you had to do in Photoshop as Jean had settled on drawing the horizon from outside the window to practice on his perspective while finishing up the sketches he had to submit.

Your day had passed by pretty fast; you had visited an urban side of the town that was flooded with art supply stores and you had delved into every single one roaming around to find any kind of supplies you were short on, or just generally needed. As Jean correctly had said, you are always short on art supplies.

Thus, you had ended up with a bag filled with complementary acrylic colors in tubes of 20ml mostly because they costed a dollar each, and also because as art students you got to receive twenty percent off of all your supply bills. Jean had only bought a new set of watercolors and a few Edding inks and 0.7 tipped poscas, as he was sure he would ruin your expensive Sakura Liners in his attempts to finish his project.

Then you had decided to cram your place for some much needed lunch before heading off to Black Cat to have some tea and coffee while Jean would finish off his last few of the sketches he had been drawing throughout the day.

"So" Jean awkwardly spoke as in to break the deep silence, his thumb pressing over the edge of the page his drawing was placed as he closed the sketchbook carefully "I wanted to ask, because ahem, I'm your friend and I'm worried about you... Do you want to vent about Reiner?"

"Ah, no" you shook your head and fixed your gaze onto the auburn colored liquor in your cup as you reluctantly lift it up to bring it to your lips before speaking "I mean, I got so sad you know. And I haven't gotten over it, of course, I mean I liked Reiner. A lot."

"I came see it in your eyes. But I'm here for-"

"And he's a bitch you know? He could have told me if he was bothered by anything I did or if it wasn't going well for him. I'd gladly work anything out or even break up peacefully."

"You know," Jean sighed, he too bringing his cup of coffee to his lips to take a sip before gulping it down. "My opinion is obviously biased here, but I support you. I've took a psychology class and we were actually delving into as to why some people cheat, there are many reasons as to why it could have happened."

Your heart slightly aches as you looked at him, a few veins in your hand twitching slightly as he continued rambling about all things he had grasped from his class. Your stomach growled angrily in anxiety, warning you to put an halt to your friend's words but you couldn't bring yourself to do so.

Not knowing the reason as to why Reiner had chosen to see someone else behind your back had hurt you beyond repair. Deep inside you still felt the need to get some closure, although with your stress on your exams you had been sure you would most likely give in to anything Reiner would say and this wasn't who you were.

You could go on without having any closure, it shouldn't have mattered so much to you in any way.

And to some extent it didn't.

"I'm hurt, but I'm the other hand I don't really care about anything you know?"

"Mhm, yeah, look at you getting over it so quickly!" Jean said semi enthusiastically. "You need to be able to share your pain in order for it to become small and eventually non-existent."

"You know, for someone who takes such sophisticated classes you talk like you haven't slept in ages!"

"Give me a break, as if you don't."

The two of you burst into bubbling laughter, your chests heaving and falling as the sounds of joy left you one by one. Jean's hand had come to rest on top of yours softly, giving you a couple of squeezes as his eyes squinted in synch with yours.

And then, in a moment that seemed like it was forced out of a coffee shop au fanfiction, Jean's hand rubbed a few soothing circles over yours. Slowly his laughter was begging to set into a silent harmony, the woody brown specs of his eyes providing the slightest tint of warmth into his gaze.

"This is why I love you so much."

The choice of words was supposed to be naive whether it was intentional or not, or that's what you tried to tell yourself because you thought you knew Jean better than anyone. The look in his eyes, the soft upwards curves of his eyebrows, the way his top lip overlapped go bottom one as his eyes glimmered into yours; this wasn't a very casual look for Jean, it was the look he had on when he was looking at something that mesmerised him. And you knew he meant exactly what he had said.

But did you like Jean?

Well, was there anyone who could spend so much time with Jean and not fall for him, even without realising it?

At one time it had become obvious that he liked you, although he'd never act upon it. You knew it in his movements, in the little ways he looked at you or cared for you like no one else actually did while hiding behind the mask of being a friend. Eren had been one to tease him for it restlessly and you had been able to catch upon that too but you had never let it be known that you had been able to see through his facade.

"Forget it I shouldn't even have had-"

With curious eyes you stared back, your gaze never truly leaving him. When he suddenly shook his hand off of yours you found your other hand pressing on top of his, trapping the limb in place as you tried to open your mouth to utter any word. It was still hard to find the right choice of words, ones that wouldn't hurt to be heard.

"Jean... I-"

"No, forget it, it just slipped, shit."

"Look Jean shut up for a second please I want to speak okay?" You huffed half playfully, despairate to stop Jean's mumbling "I know."

"You know?" Jean cursed under his breath.

"Yeah, I do, it's obvious. And I've had this huge crush on you ever since fifth grade you know? I never really got over you because I spent all of my teen years thinking we'd end up together."

You watched as Jean's face lit up at your words, a new glimmer adorning his eyes just as the sky turned a sheer violet as the sun retreated deeper into a non visible horizon.

"And then we kissed in eighth grade and we fought about it and we stopped hanging out because I asked for space since I just could believe what was happening. But we're friends again and it's the best thing to happen to me in years."

You continued, your hand never leaving his while soothing circles were rubbed onto his palm.

"But I'm not going to ask you for space this time."

"You're not?"

"No. Just a little patience. I'm still getting over Reiner and I don't want to be unfair to you and rip you off of something that you might ask from me."

Jean snapped his hand away from yours and you retreated your hands back to yourself shyly, a bitter mouth leaking into your mouth as you tried to swallow it down fast to no avail. Somehow your heart felt a strong stinging, the pulling of your heartstrings at steak while your heart was sprawled before you.

Was that your last chance with Jean? You had told yourself that time and space between you would be right one day, but that day seemed to stray further away now, slipping right off your hands because you couldn't forget Reiner fast enough.

"I'm not fourteen anymore, so don't be afraid about me straying away. I just wanted to show you something."

Jean's worked through the pages of his sketchbook, taking a few seconds before they landed where they wanted to. Flipping the sketchbook to match your point of view, he revealed the sketches he had been scribbling all day. They depicted you in majority. The look on your face as you picked a tube of paint, your hands as they grabbed through numerous brushes and sketchbooks. Even the way you stared at your phone as you sat across him was perfectly sketched on the paper and hatched in indian ink, adorned by Jean's raw drawing style.

"Jean, that's me!"

"Mister Moblit told us to draw things that were personally important to us. So, I hope you don't mind."

Damn, you felt like tearing up.

In the midst of trying to get your stupid heart to calm down from the impossible rhythm in which it was beating at and stating at Jean's sketches so hard that your eyes felt like they'd pop out and any given moment your would felt like setting fire to your whole being while your tears were restlessly trying to put it out. It was even outdated to feel like that about Jean, your younger self told you but there was no way you could help it.

With rivers of tears running from the corners of your eyes you looked up at the hazel orbs that were set on you, feeling your heart want up by their luminous gaze.

"Jean I-"

"Shush, you don't have to say anything. Just let me know if I can hug you."

"I'd love that." You said shyly under your breath.

Next thing you knew Jean had gotten up from his seat and had plopped himself right next to you, pushing your head deep in his chest. The song in the background faded gradually as you felt serenity wash through you, despite your heart hammering in your chest beyond a point you could actually feel it.

And for now all that mattered was that you could listen to Jean's heart beat nearly as fast as yours while his words played inside your head.

Maybe, just maybe time and space between the two of you was right this time.

taglist: @sasageyowrites @levisbrat25 @ackermans-freedom-inc @melancholicmonologue @berrijam @callmepromise @nobody-knows-anymore 

[foreigndivinities]

naturalism (if you want to offer an album rather than a song, please go ahead and share with us)

Naturalism: (Representation) What song would you use to describe yourself and why?

the deepest sighs, the frankest shadows by gang of youths. i love the music, it starts out slow for a minute or two then it picks up pace to alt rock in the chorus. and then there are THE LYRICS—dave le'aupepe is an actual genius. the whole song is written so profoundly. sometimes i think of quotes and poems and feel this aching in my chest, either because the words are so beautiful or they resonate with me so much; when these words are strung together in a melody with music that also resonates with me it hits even harder. the song is about living but it doesn't exactly have a motivational, get-out-there, make-the-most-out-of-everything message. it's still very assuring though. it acknowledges that there are lots of weights we're forced to carry through our lives but it also reminds us that we're all going through it, we're all uncertain about life and struggling, trying to just keep up with the flow

the line that i think about a lot that really connects with me (which is in the chorus), is "and if everything is temporary / i will bear the unbearable, terrible triteness of being". not to get all deep or philosophical but it does help whenever i'm at low points and wonder what the point of all this is. the concept of living and being has been ebbing at me throughout this past year and amongst all my other feelings of "god i need something more" or "what is living if i'm stuck in this bleak cycle" or "i need to feel something, to feel pain, to truly feel alive" or sometimes just "everything feels unbearable in the stalest way and i don't know when it will stop" this is the most comforting. (i just realized this was supposed to be about a song i'd use to describe myself and i didn't specifically answer that but i guess to sum it up, the thought of living and being, of the struggles in both and how to navigate through that and how to feel like i am truly living and being has circulated through my mind so much this past year that it's a significant part of me now. that's why i picked this song)

[rowenasschool]

The Quiet (A Weasley Family Fanfic)

         ~ANGST WARNING~            Molly Weasley slowly walked through the Burrow, absent-mindedly brushing her hand against the corridor. The house was quiet most of the time now, though it was the worst during the evenings. That last hour before Arthur returned home seemed to drag out far longer than it use to. Her children still visited every day. However, the usual energy of the Weasley family had faded somewhat. Mrs. Weasley wondered if it would ever be the same again. She doubted that it would. She wanted it too, of course, but it was unrealistic to expect. Losing Fred was a pain no one was prepared for. Molly had never expected any of her children would die before she did. It wasn't supposed to work that way. Mothers shouldn't outlive their children. Things like this shouldn't happen. Mrs. Weasley moved into the living room and slipped her hand over one of the shelves as she went. There were several old photo albums there that had been filled over the years. She paused by the shelf and grabbed one album in particular before settling on the couch with it.

          Molly cracked open the slightly dusty photobook. It mostly contained pictures of her children when they were young children. One picture of Bill and Charlie playing on Christmas hit her with a burst of nostalgia. How long ago had it been since her two oldest boys were that small? She smiled a bit and continued flipping through the pictures and relishing as they moved slightly to show her children's pure joy (and sometimes embarrassment). As the pages turned, they got older, and the family got bigger. Each child had their own section in the book. After a few turns, a little Percy was added to the family. He was such a small baby, smaller than he should have been. One photo showed him looking at Bill and Charlie with a face of wonder, reaching a fist up at his brothers. Molly chuckled fondly as she remembered that day, how her boys bashfully crept into the room to see the new baby. How they'd been worried they wouldn't be liked by this newcomer. She also remembered how they lit up in smiles as Percy giggled at them in delight. They'd been so tender with him that day.

          A few more turns and there was the picture she'd perhaps been looking for this whole time: April 1st, 1978. Welcome to the world, Fred and George Weasley. There they were, small newborn babies cradled in her arms years ago. In the picture, she was grinning and cooing at the two as they gave her big, toothless smiles. George hadn't smiled like that recently. He hadn't smiled at all since Fred died. She'd convinced him to come stay at the Burrow for the time being. She wanted to be together with him as they both went through this period of grief. It shouldn't have happened. Mothers shouldn't be separated from their children. Twins shouldn't lose their other halves. Death shouldn't break a family like it was doing. Molly traced her hand over another photo of the twins. They were toddlers in this one, sitting on the rug tussling over some blocks. She had been worried they'd hurt themselves that day, but Arthur had stopped her from intervening. 'Young boys play like this. They won't get too hurt,' he'd said. Arthur had been right. Within minutes they'd calmed down and wholly abandoned the blocks in favor of a game of tag. She'd give anything to be able to see them play like that again, chasing each other around the Burrow with enthusiasm only two-year-olds could muster up. Molly Weasley missed her son so profoundly even the happy memories hurt.

        Molly was a little slower while looking through the section of the album dedicated to the twins. Stopping to rub her finger over the top of each and every photograph. She relished in the memory of her boys being happy. She'd been there for Merlin knows how long before she felt movement behind her. "...Do you remember that, mum? That was when we got it in our heads to flood the bathroom," a voice croaked out. That was the longest sentence she'd heard the voice say in a while. Mrs. Weasley glanced behind her to see George slightly leaned over the couch. He was looking over the album in her lap. He looked a mess. On any other day, she would have told him off for letting himself get that way. But today was different. She moved her hand up and gently touched the side of George's face, just to feel that he was there. "I do remember that...I was so mad at you two," she said. George nodded slowly, "You were...whooped us both. I never forgot that beating. We were troublemakers." Molly nodded as well. "You were, but I wouldn't have had it any other way," she said.

       George moved onto the couch next to her. They sat in silence together, slowly looking at all of the pictures. They stopped when they got to one in particular. Fred and George were leaving for Hogwarts, waving their hands out the window from the train. George's eyes fixed onto the picture, and Mrs. Weasley saw them glaze over slightly. She gently shut the album and wrapped an arm around her son. George turned and sunk against her. He was crying now and holding onto her tightly. Molly started to cry as well, "Oh Georgie..." she whispered. George choked, "I miss him, mum."

        That sentence was the one they needed. It was the one no one had dared speak for some unknown reason, but it needed to be said. Mrs. Weasley nodded and pet her son's hair. "I know...I do too..." They sat there together, crying softly. There were no more words of comfort. No big speeches on how they should power through the grief; she didn't think they would do any good anyway.

       At last, when the tears had dried (From both parties), George sat up. He wiped his face and looked at her thoughtfully. "Do you want help with dinner, mum?" he asked. Mrs. Weasley wiped her own eyes and nodded to him. "Yes, we should do that before your father gets home. Percy is coming over tonight as well," she said. George nodded back to her. "Let's go them, mum, no use waiting around," he said. Molly Weasley nodded again, "You're right, George. There's no use waiting around. Let's get dinner on the table." She got up, and George rose with her. Molly started to walk into the kitchen but paused when she noticed George wasn't following. She turned around to look at him. He had picked up the album and put it back on the shelf. George turned to her and walked over. He leaned over slightly and kissed her forehead, "Go on, mum, I'm right behind you. I'm not going anywhere." Mrs. Weasley nodded to her son, "I know. I just need to make sure." George nodded back to her. Making dinner that night was quiet, as usual. But Molly didn't mind as much anymore. (I’m sorry for the depression- R.J.)

[casper-has-a-cat]

AJR appreciation post

because i don’t think enough people have heard neotheater.  some background, their previous album, the click, is a masterpiece in its own right, it came out when i was in college and it captured all of my college feels, not to mention the song about the office (yes, the tv show) which had me genuinely laughing aloud.   but this post will focus on neotheater, because i’ve only just recently finished college and this album perfectly captures new-to-the-real-world feels.

like this album has made me cry so much and in the best ways, it’s been the biggest reassurance because i’ve been on my own for a month and a half now and hearing people that i respect articulating everything surround the fears and pain and sadness of growing up is as heartbreaking as it is comforting.  i’m not the only one who is filled with doubts and uncertainty and having those feelings doesn’t make me a failure, thank goodness.  thank goodness someone put that into music because now i can hear it whenever i need it.

and let me just say, this album has an odd sound.  even for ajr, it’s odd.  it’s extremely theatrical sounding, and that’s not so much my style of music, so at first i was iffy on it, but... it directly ties in to the meaning of the songs and the story that the album as a whole is telling.  the idea of feeling as though you’re being judged and watched and that everyone has expectations for you whether you want an audience or not.  it was a brave move and adds to the authenticity of the album.

so, let’s get on to more specifics!

lyrics that make me cry:

“i wanna be next up forever, find a way to never hit my peak” - next up forever (these made me cry on the first listen, because like, i know they’re talking about music, but that’s such a big mood post-college)

“you’ll sail the ocean finding where you should be.  and if you’re broken, you’ll find your own thing” - next up forever.  there's???  so much in these two lines???  like the idea that life is just one big search is huge, its releases so much stress surrounding the feeling that you should know where you should be as soon as you graduate.  and the second part?  that reassurance that you’ll figure it out, even if you don’t fit, it’s so good

“i wanna move out, i don’t wanna move on” + “i’ll come by when i’m grown, it won’t be the same though, i can’t even go home” - don’t throw out my legos.  honestly the whole song just hits me hard if i’m in the mood.  the profound sadness that comes with growing up and going out on your own is so well articulated in this song, and the metaphor of like.  wanting to keep insignificant things around because if you do, then maybe your younger self can still stick around too.  and then this idea of not having a home, i didn’t even realize it until i heard this but that’s maybe the most painful thing that i’m dealing with right now.  because it takes time to make a home

“you say that i'm better, why don't i feel better? the universe works in mysterious ways, but I'm starting to think it ain't working for me. doctor, should I be good, should I be good this year?” - karma.  i have so much to say about this song and i could’ve included a much longer quote here but this gets the point across.  i think anyone who’s struggled with mental health can probably relate to this.  and i love that it’s (imo) very clearly not dismissing counseling- they’re being honest in that counseling is not a magic solution, it takes work and sometimes it doesn’t seem to be working as well as we want it to, even if we do still see value in it.  and the transition right here, at the end of the song, from the “i’ve been so good this year” to the question - should i even be good this year if it’s not making me feel better?  that’s what really got me.

“dear winter, don’t move too far away.” + “will we still hang out and talk when i’m no longer in charge?” - dear winter.  this song makes me cry every time i hear it no lie.  apparently when ryan (the lyricist) played it for his brother for the first time, his brother also sobbed so i guess it only makes sense.  but yeah this specific verse kills me a lot because this is exactly where i’m at right now.  i moved too far away.  i hate how painful that is for my parents.  i had to do it but it still hurts every time i hear this.

“they wanted heaven from me, i gave ‘em hell.  now they want something bigger, i’m overwhelmed” - finale.  this lyric is preceded by 4 repetitions of the line “they wanted,” and the first two times it’s sung in a deep tone, but the third and fourth times it’s sung in a higher tone, and the singer sounds more energetic and maybe even high-strung, it’s like he’s rejecting “their” opinion.  and then you get this lyric about heaven and hell and you see that he did something unexpected, he’s decided not to be “their” version of perfect and done something that “they” didn’t want, and maybe he thought he’d be free from “them” after that, but it turns out just the opposite happened.  

“just don’t forget about me when you get out of college” - finale.  it’s such a good double meaning.  it’s playing off of them being scared that they’re music will lose popularity when their audience graduates, but it’s also like... talking to college friends.  don’t forget about me.  and also the world?  and this is where things get complex with the idea of having an audience.  on one hand the expectations are oppressive and confining, but at least someone’s watching as we grow up, but when we graduate it does feel a bit like society no longer cares about us so much.  at least, it did for me.  so i guess this line could have a triple meaning?

lyrics that make me laugh:

“thank you for coming to my birthday party, i am one minute old today” - birthday party.  honestly, every lyric in this song makes me laugh, it’s just such a fucking hilarious song, and like, dark humor all the way???  but this specific lyric is said in such a funny way i love it.  i actually can’t think of any other song that’s made me laugh so hard.

“what doesn’t kill you makes you ugly, life gives you lemons, at least it gave you something” - break my face.  there’s a whole aspect of this song that’s really tongue-in-cheek.  like it’s funny because they’re taking an idiom and really looking it in the eyes and being candid, like okay let’s stop sugarcoating things, what doesn’t kill you might not make you stronger but it’ll make you ugly!  but then the song as a whole can totally be read as a satire on people who are so critical of anyone who complains, or those people who are always like “look on the bright side” and “why can’t you just be happy!” and anyway it’s so genius

extra notes:

100 bad days hasn't made me laugh or cry aloud but it’s still such an important song imo.  “a hundred bad days made a hundred good stories, a hundred bad days made me interesting at parties, no i ain’t scared of you, no i ain’t scared of you no more” it’s such a powerful mantra to keep in mind when things get rough.  idk if that last part was meant for this, but as someone with social anxiety and probably agoraphobia, it’s just been really empowering

turning out pt. ii... i don’t personally relate to this song as much as most of the others, and yet it still makes me profoundly sad.  honestly i don’t like listening to it because of that?  but also it kind of... doesn’t feel as clever to me as the other songs.  like i could’ve written those lyrics.  which is something i rarely feel about ajr songs.  idk, maybe it���s better if you relate more! and i’m biased probably because of how much i loved and related tot turning out pt. i and this wasn’t what i expected.

the entertainment’s here articulates something that scares me a lot?  how easy technology makes it to ignore real life, how tempting it is to just watch netflix or youtube videos or whatever.  so i avoid this song a bit as well.  i think it’s clever as hell, but it scares me and i’m a coward

beats: i’m just gonna say it, it’s my least favorite song on the album.  the idea is funny but to me the implementation isn’t the best?  it’s not that clever imo?  it’s very repetitive and i think that was supposed to like, go along with the meaning of the song, of echoing and doing what others are doing for success, but for me it’s just ultimately kinda... meh.

wow, i’m not crazy: kinda like 100 bad days, hasn’t made me laugh or cry aloud but this song is really important to me.  it makes me happy.  the idea of finding people who are crazy in the same way you are, and how that can make you love yourself so much more.  i love that.

okay yep we stop here!  honestly there are more lyrics that i love but this is an essay already sooooo.  yeah.  i love this album.

[primedirection]

Homecoming

In which things don't go as planned

Warnings: A lil angst & a lil fluff mentions of panic attack

AN: Kinda did this one for me idk.. Hope you like it anyway!

(Uce- Samoan for brother. Sounds like oose)

Harry wasn't coming home.

He'd been away for three months this time and it seemed to be the hardest. Promises of coming home were thrown around left and right so much it lost it's merit. It was supposed to be his last week two weeks ago and yet he was still needed all over the place for reasons she lost track of. Hosting for James Corden, Album teaser promos, Gucci photo shoots, music video location scouting, auditions and so on and so forth. So busy that at best she was lucky she got a text of recognition or a FaceTime session every other week.

Honestly she tried not to fault him for it, not to hold it against him. She understood more than anyone what his career meant to him and how hard he worked to achieve his goals and dreams. Truly a blessing and a curse all at once. But once the disappointment hit it, it hit and took it's tole.

For right now she was done dealing with it.

She'd been so fed up of being alone and having no one to talk to in person that she requested the week off from work and sent for tor nephews to come visit. The same week of vacation time she'd been planning to use to visit Harry on the road. But decided that she'd only be a distraction to him during the short moments she did get to see him. The boys were out for the summer anyway and thanks to the overwhelming Facebook post of their mother, she knew they all could use a break.

From the moment that they stepped inside the departure terminal she realized that she had made the right decision. Bombarded with affection from all directions the second they were close enough. The relief practically consuming her. It was all quite surreal since she practically helped raise them. Like just yesterday she was changing their diapers for extra cash on the weekends so that their parents date nights could ensue. Now here they are teenage heartbreakers bragging about their own personal lives.

As the week went by things only got better. For once the massive house was filled with endless laughter and the type of love that came without judgment and ridicule. Unconditional love. That alone created a joy so pure that the evilest intentions couldn't spoil it. Something she honestly hasn't felt in a while. The atmosphere was almost magical whenever either of their families visited and this time was no different.

This was exactly what the doctor ordered and a complete win-win situation. Because while she gave them something to somewhat brag about to all their friends back home (via pictures with their beloved uncle's Mustang) they gave her enough peace of mind to stop checking her phone every 30 seconds, nonetheless throughout the entire day. To the point she felt comfortable enough to turn it off. Thanks to the hyperactive bunch most nights sleep found her first since the boys turned out to be a handful in the best way.

Or so she thought.

When it was their final day she decided to go all out. An early trip to The Grove to spoil them rotten, as any elected favorite auntie would. Then retired back home to fire up the grill for dinner while the two full-blown teenagers made their last rounds of projecting themselves like missiles inside the pool.

"Heyyy, unless y'all want to find out how edible chlorine is y'all better chill out!" She shouted playfully over her shoulder when a particular splash reached far enough to soak her from the waist down. ”Now out of the water so we can eat!" She retreated back inside the house followed by a chorus of disappointed 'AWWWWWs'.

"Good to see you're 'avin fun," Harry's sudden appearance in the kitchen nearly made her scream. So divulged in burger making she never noticed him. Short hair a mess from his incessant hand's tousling, everything about him was hard and only amplified by the bags resting under his eyes.

Though by the look on his face and his tone she wasn't sure how to feel. The impulsive urge to rush over and enrapt him in over due love was killed when she felt the energy around him. Clearly he was upset. So she gently tested the waters, "When did you get back?"

"You'd know if you read at least one of my fuckin' messages," Harry was pissed and right now her oblivion to it only made it worse as he silently noted that she didn't rush to greet him as he had expected.

They were both stubborn to a fault sometimes, this one being one of them. And while he had his passive aggressive moments she had her combative confronting moments to match them. Thus why disagreements often turned into war zones.

In her eyes he had absolutely no right to be this angry, "You mean the one you send every other week? Sorry, didn't know I was supposed to wait every got damn second by the phone for a chance you might get the urge to call me!"

"S'not like you couldn't call me. Guess I'm not much of priority to you when I'm across the world am I? Much less having a panic attack," That's not at all what he wanted to say. He honestly didn't even mean it. But sometimes, very rarely, he spoke without thinking. Though every single one of those times his words were purposely reckless, usually with the intent of pushing buttons. Which in this case happened to be several of hers.

There was so many things wrong with his rebuttal that it frazzled her, "Panic attack?!"

"Yeah. Tha' thing where you can't breathe and it really feels like you're dying," his attitude was in full force as he elaborated.

Her eyes narrowed in a glare, "How was I supposed to know that would happen when I finally try and distract myself?"

"There's a difference between distracting yourself and flat out ignoring me,"

"So now it's my fault that you don't know when to fucking quit? One more week.. one more week.. Jeff says this Jeff says that blah blah blah!" She mocks his voice angrily. "Do you ever even think of how hard it is for me when you're gone? You've got hundreds of people constantly around you and I'm just here alone in this big ass house-"

"Fuck this!" He groans utterly aggravated, pivoting on his heels to storm out. The past three days had felt like the worst of his life and she was totally none the wiser. Even now as he struggled to keep afloat, to keep his head above water she only seemed interested in knocking him down.

"Fuck what? Fuck me? Is that what you're saying?" She demanded hurt, meanwhile in his mind he knew she was seeing nothing but red.

At that response he knew this was going nowhere fast, definitely nowhere good anyway. He couldn't talk to her when she was like this, angry beyond reason where even the most innocent things rub her the wrong way.

"Uce?!" As soon as he was noticed they both knew the argument was temporarily over. Long ago she had indulged Harry of their dysfunctional childhood due to the immaturity of their parents, and sworn to always provide safe spaces for them. So for everyone's sake she quickly left the room, using her soiled clothes as an excuse.

Harry may not have been in any mood to host but managed to allow his anger to dissipate when he was pulled into welcoming hugs. He loved her family, especially her nephews. The respect and regard they had for her was daunting and unparalleled. Upon first meeting them, at thirteen and fourteen years old they laid into him better than any father ever could or ever had. Especially since hers passed away when she was young. So profoundly protective there was no surprise on his end when they shared their plan of walking her down the aisle to give her away someday. Though now they were in every way his family without marriage. "We thought you were taking over the world again Uce, what happened?"

Uce, a nickname that was lovingly given to him by the entirety of her family because of his thick accent whenever he said the word 'us'. Endearing enough to immediately strip him of any and all ill feelings. "Not happy to see me?" He teased knowing full well just how much they adored him in return. Proven when they both erupted in offense bright eyed and bushy tailed.

"Uhhh... she's cool, or whatever but even when we're having fun she's still intense," the younger of the brothers informed pointing in the direction she disappeared in.

"And she doesn't have the keys, Uce! She doesn't have the keys!" The elder of the two wailed in true melodramatic fashion.

"Keys?" Harry queries with a frown and yet amused, leaning against the counter and folding his arms over his chest patiently waiting to be clued in on their slang. "Keys to wha'?"

"You know, the Audi.. The girls... How do we get into one of those wild model parties where they do org-"

"Boy the next word out of your mouth better be organization! And you need to be talking about the keys to passing your college entry exams!" She yells on her way upstairs. She'd be so happy when the girl craze phase was over for them, and it couldn't come soon enough.

"See what I mean?" The younger of the two mutters through a mouth full of food shaking his head and Harry started to laugh. He'd never be able to convey how much he missed them when they weren't around. Just them being there almost made him forget he was angry to begin with. Almost. "Anyway you never answered my question?"

Harry sighs heavily suddenly exhausted, "Didn't feel well,"

Sparking even more questions from the two young boys, "Don't you have doctors that travel with you for that?" Snowballing to a squabble even, "Is it contagious?" "Dude!" "I'm just saying, I have football practice when we get back I can't afford to be sick,"

Chuckling despite himself Harry shook his head, "No mate, was a panic attack. Jus' need some rest, been going non stop,"

Both their faces dropped with worry, "Whoa. You okay Uce? I mean is it cool we're here?"

Harry nodded reassuringly, "M' getting there," honestly adding, "Thanks to you lot. Actually wish I'd been here the whole time, s' been awhile since I've seen you last,"

The eldest made a nonchalant noise, "We'll be visiting again soon don't worry. Especially when you start touring for real, the ladies need me,"

"Mate, have you ever heard of quality over quantity? That is the biggest key,"

"Yeah just now, and look who you're with. The biggest control freak of them all,"

Although Harry wasn't totally thrilled with her he had to admit, "It's actually quite sexy when she's not being a pain in the arse,"

"Bruh, I'm eating!" The younger brother snarled and Harry laughed at that. God, he loved them. Practically the little brothers he's always wanted. That feeling in particular struck remembrance inside him, remembrance of what brought on the panic attack in the first place.

He wasn't happy. Sure his professional life was thriving since business was booming, but his relationship suffered the most because of it. These days he was hardly ever home, barely even had the time to make phone calls and the realization scared him. Not once did she complain but he wasn't blind to the fact she was slowly but surely slipping from his grasp. Whether or not her cold shoulder had been intentional over the past week it shook him down to the core. So many of his previous relationships ended like that, with them losing the will to fight for him. Not that he was putting in the same effort back then and he had the worst habit of blaming them for it anyway. Hince the incident a little while ago. But that was the absolute last thing he wanted for them. It just wasn't worth it.

Harry wanted romantic vacations, joint family holidays, anniversary parties, babies! Lots and lots of babies...

A distinct warning pang in his chest made him realize he had to take advantage of the boy's presence while he could. Glancing over his shoulder, he listened hard to make sure the shower was running, "Since we're on the topic I need to talk you lads about something,"

"If it's about your sex life please don't,"

"Relax if I wanted to torture you I'd left you with her. I'm talking about tour. I've been thinking and after this week I'm not sure I want to do it. Like anymore.. Or well at least for right now anyway,"

"Please don't do this to me, I'll finally be old enough to get in the club by the end of this year!" The elder boy whined and the younger smacked the side of his head annoyed.

"Dude shut up he's serious! Anyway... Why not?"

Harry was filled with nerves deciding to break it down nice and easy, "Remember what you told me when we first met?"

"Yeah, 'why are your jeans so tight'? To be honest I'm still wondering...that can't be good for you." The eldest teased.

"Not tha'," Harry chuckled rolling his eyes.

A lightbulb seemed to go off in the mind of the youngest, "Oh, that we're a packaged deal and anything you want with her has to be run through us first,"

Harry took a deep breath nodding in confirmation, "Well, man to man...to man. I think you've had long enough to feel me out. Have I earned your blessings to become your official uncle?"

"Let me get this straight, you want to skip a worldwide tour and a chance to make millions more to get married? Weddings aren't all that much fun,"

"To get married, to go on a honeymoon, and to start making your baby cousins," Harry clarified.

"I'm more so concerned at you not knowing you already had it. We wouldn't have let her move in if we didn't,"

"Yeah Uce, we've all been wondering what the hell is taking so long. Especially grandma, she's been super suspicious of your Aquarius nature," the older boy teased and both boys laughed apparently there was an inside joke he wasn't aware of.

"To be fair I was waiting for your aunt to say something. Guess she's not much of a control freak like we thought huh?" Harry muttered stealing fries from both their plates.

"Yeah right, do you have a ring?" The younger asked as he shielded his plate from Harry's invasion.

"Still having it made," he confessed a little embarrassed.

"Well don't pop it out without us!"

Harry snorted, "Mate, I'd never dream of it," and from the bottom of his heart he meant it.

After everyone showered, the final movie night had progressed rather smoothly. Horror was the only genre the boys would focus on, though it probably had something to do with all the topless scenes in them. Nevertheless she picked this one; 'Wrong Turn' easily one of her favorites.

To her surprise before it started Harry came in the room, dressed in a loose gray T-shirt and navy basketball shorts. Earning a round of cheers from his ever adoring audience. He sat in the row of plush recliners directly behind the boys and it kind of hurt her feelings since she was in the one in front of them. "S' your last night here where else would I be?"

For a long beat of a moment they both exchanged wary glances before drifting back to the screen in front of them. Though in reality she was hardly paying attention. Her curiosity peaked through the roof at just what it took to get him to join. Mostly because, she knew better than anyone when Harry was in a bad mood he isolated himself. But just now he didn't seem to be the slightest bit hostile. Then again she shouldn't be too surpised given he was just another giant kid to them.

Against her better judgment she spared another look just to find him already staring at her. A dimple sinking in one cheek as the corner of his lips tug in a reluctant smile. In turn making her belly swell with butterflies of relief. She also became painfully aware of the distance between them and hated it.

Before she even had time to process the idea of swallowing her pride, she was up out of her seat with her blanket wrapped around her. She could've easily sat in either of the seats beside him but that still wasn't close enough. "Truce?" She whispered pouting guiltily, waving the tag of her soft throw blanket like a flag.

But apparently she wasn't as quiet as she thought, "Wait, you guys are fighting?" Both boys were turned around in their seats, eyes ping ponging back and forth between them worried. Ultimately falling on her, "What did you do?"

"If you don't mind your own business I swear to God you're going to the airport tonight!" She warned icily and that quickly got them to turn back around.

At first Harry doesn't say anything, he simply reclines his seat further back and readjusts his legs to make room for her. Only then did she breathe a sigh of relief. Springing into action, she climbed in next to him sitting with her legs draped over his lap tenting them both in warmth. From there they practically melted into one another her chest to his front, stealing kisses and touches they'd been deprived of. Silent apologies in a way, but just in case she said it aloud, "I'm sorry H," tucking her face into the crook of his neck. The closer she was the better she felt. "Should've been there for you."

"S' okay love me too, I should've been here," he sighed holding on tighter.

"Well we're all here now so can we watch the movie please?" The eldest brother chimed.

She started to swat him in the head from behind until Harry caught her wrist and laughed, "Sorry lads won't happen again," figuring there was a better way to make it up to her quietly. Confusion was blatantly on her face up until Harry stealthily slipped his hand under her shirt, sliding upwards tortuously slow. To stifle her impatience she kissed him deep then. But before she could receive the pleasure of the taste of his lips properly Harry stiffened, and not in the place she wanted him to.

Eyes peeling back open Harry's smirk was sheepish and directed to the front. Met with a grimace, "Ugh puhleeease don't be that couple!" And a glare, "Yeah, I really don't want to be in the room when my baby cousin is conceived,"

She rolled her eyes, "Tuh, it's only fair. I was right next door when both of you were." Kissing him again and causing an over the top show of dry heaving and gagging.

"Uce, c'mon man make it stop!"

Harry merely smiled finally feeling like all was right in the world again. "Gotta keep it fresh lads, it's key."

[bitchforkreviewz]

JAMES BLAKE: ASSUME FORM. PITCHFORK IS PROFOUNDLY CONFUSED

Review of Pitchfork’s review: ASSUME FORM

In May 2018, James Blake released Don’t Miss it, a single that was met with praise and criticism. Similar to a dog wanting to piss on a fire hydrant, Pitchfork has put forth yet another opinionated/unsubstantial review. Lozano noted that there seems to be “two James Blake at play: The one who loves to party and the one who likes nothing better than getting under the covers of his weighted blanket.”He then later states that Don’t Miss it is another “beautifully brutal song to add to Blake’s catalog of sumptuous sad boy music.”

After this review came out, Blake tweeted this big thing where he basically says: (1) he could not help but notice that “sad-boy” is used whenever he discusses his feelings in a song. (2) states that this characterization is unhealthy and problematic when used to shame men whom are expressing their feelings, which contributes to the “historical stigmatization of men expressing themselves emotionally” (3) Blake states we are in a epidemic of male depression and suicide.

So let’s unpack this: what did Lozano get right? Or what did Lozano get really right? This line sums up Blake’s true talent and shows Lozano is not completely out of touch: “The song’s complexity, for better or worse, comes from how Blake plays with his voice.” Why is this review important, and why is James Blake’s response important and or relevant to Assume Form?

This review of Don’t Miss it, which is a track on Assume Form in a sense foreshadows what review was to come. However, one would think that this album would land differently after Blake’s vehement response to the review of the single Don’t Miss it, but once again Pitchfork apparently did not get the memo, and continued to put him in the SAD-BOY category.

You really begin to get the sense that Sherburne is profoundly out of touch when he states that the line “I will be touchable/I will be reachable,”sounds“clinical,” which leads one to ask the glaringly obvious question: did this guy even listen to this album or did he just look up the lyrics? Has this guy even listened to a James Blake song?? Clinical? WHAT KIND OF THERAPIST OR PHYSICIAN ARE YOU SEEING PHIL? (Phil, feel free to reach out and send over a contact if possible.) If a person were to read the line out loud in a monotone voice, was wearing a lab coat, held up a chart maybe?? Sure, I can see how he arrived at this conclusion, but what separates James Blake from other artists is his ability to infuse an ordinary line or phrase with a feeling/mood with his unique vocals, so no Phil this is not quite “clinical.” As your counterpart, Mr. Lozano had said: “The song’s complexity, for better or for worse comes from how Blake plays with his voice.”

Unlike, previous albums all centering around feelings of loneliness or alienation, Assume Form focuses in on intimacy and sacrificing one’s tendency to look inward for the sake of another person.

Let’s rewind to 2016 when The Colour in Anything came out, which Pitchfork rated an 8.2, in part, because we feel Blake is maturing when we look back at his older albums like “Overgrown.” We begin to see a new side of James Blake, a side of vulnerability. Even though, Blake showcases a more tender side in his music you still get that the overarching theme here, is isolation, while at the same time you can sense that Blake is more comfortable in that isolation, indicating Blake is more introspective. It feels like Blake has matured in more ways than one The Colour in Anything when considering his previous albums.

Assume Form comes out and it takes a whole different approach. Certainly, James Blake did not throw us a major curveball, but this is different than any other album he has come out with because he is in a relationship, and it is going fairly well. And for that, I would like to personally say: congrats James!!!!!! James Blake is no longer the guy who can’t believe his siblings aren’t speaking to him. He is blossoming into a developed human being right before our eyes.

As it has been noted in other reviews of previous albums, James Blake is no “lyrical genius,” this is known, put to bed, and dealt with, so please Phil, spare us on this one. Sherburn notes that “there is the skeleton of a different, more interesting album lurking beneath the surface.”

And sure Phil, ok Blake is a creative artist who has been experimental in his music and albums, so without a doubt this is not the last time we hear from “sad-boy” Blake, but he took a different angle, because he is in a different stage of his life. Please refer to the James Blake tweet about the “sad-boy” box.

Although, it has been stated on multiple occasions that Blake is no “lyrical genius,” it is important to note that Blake meticulously captures moments, feelings, moods, and experiences in Assume Form.

For example, throughout the album Blake highlights on a tension or a tug of war between Blake’s need for solitude and wanting to be in a relationship with this person. In Power On, he thinks he would be better off without this person and admits “I was wrong.” Letting go of one’s ego is a central theme in this album.

In “Are you in love,” is Blake asking “we good?” or “are we on the same page here??” It’s like going on a fourth date and everything going really well and you really like this person, but you make a joke self deprecating joke that doesn’t quite land with them, and is just kind of sad, because they were supposed to laugh and they didn’t and you are not going to laugh, so it is just silent for about twenty seconds too long and conversation then picks up and things go well. Obviously, you regret it, but since everything else went so well you think “OK things are good.” But even then, you are second guessing yourself and feeling like sending a text saying something like “yo, we good??????” or like “heyyyyyyy, lol was just joking earlier haha! Did not mean to get so dark whoooooops. Had fun let's do it again” But you decide not to because it is kind of weird and you should just shrug it off or play it cool, and maybe they will forget about it completely if you do not bring it up EVER. I can’t be the only one who as ever felt this way.

Moving forward, this is a vulnerable side of Blake. He capitalizes on the universal feeling of insecurity and the subsequent need for validation, especially in this time and age, where it is more common to feel inadequate and insecure than it is to feel in tune with another person.

“Don’t miss” it is a piece that underscores what you miss when you look inward.

”The world has shut me out/ If I give everything I'll lose everything/ Everything is about me/ I am the most important thing/ And you really haven't thought all those cyclical thoughts for a while?”

He continues to discuss the implications of looking inward:” And as it keeps going/ I could never be involved/ I could never really see in real time/ I could never be involved/ And as it keeps on going/ I could avoid real time/ I could ignore my busy mind/ I could avoid contact with eyes/ I could avoid going outside/ I could avoid wasting my life/ I could avoid/ I could avoid 20/20 sight”

Blake comes to the conclusion: “And as it keeps on going/ You forget whether it was the beginning or end/ When you can't believe your luck/ (When you can't believe your luck)/ You're with your friend/ When you get to hang out with your favourite person every day/ When the dull pain goes away/ Don't miss it (Don't miss it)/ When you stop being a ghost in a shell/ And everybody keeps saying you look well/ Don't miss it/ Like I did/ Don't miss it/ Don't miss it like I did/ Like I did”

Sherburn claims Andre3000’s verse in What’s the Catch “ humorous self awareness” is what the album lacks most of all. Yes Phil. Ok, I can agree that the album lacks humor, but the album certainly does not lack self awareness, and if “Don’t miss it” is not self-aware enough for you, I have one question for you. Would you like James Blake to physically remove his heart, and send it in a box to Pitchfork HQs?!?!? Blake is not blithefully in love, but rather, is grappling with himself and his ego, which is evidently his biggest obstacle in his relationship.

Sherburn is right in the sense that Assume Form is heavy, but what he gets wrong is that Blake’s album is not “stagnant,” but rather, quite the opposite. Assume Form reinforces the fact that Blake is evolving as not only an artist, but also as a human being.

[groovesnjams]

[[ GROOVES N JAMS S.O.T.Y. 2018 ]] [ nO. 18/50 ]

“Wilson (Expensive Mistakes)” by Fall Out Boy

DV:

Three years after the extremely spotty American Beauty/American Psycho, Fall Out Boy returned with: another spotty album. Which is fine (their only solid LP is Folie à Deux). The important thing is that while it took them a while to get here - three albums into their reunion, and five singles into that album cycle - in “Wilson (Expensive Mistakes)” they’ve managed a song that stands alongside the very best of their pre-hiatus work, a song so good it not only justifies the whole reunion project but reminds me why I fell in love with the band to begin with. Quoting Wednesday Addams and Bill Murray gives the chorus a kick, but originals like “don't you know/ I hate all my friends/ I miss the days when I pretended with you” more than match those reference points. And man do they tear into that hook, the kind that begs for an arena crowd to shout it but does that so well it’s impossible to begrudge it anything. Fall Out Boy were already one of a a handful of bright points in the past decade’s cycle of reunions: they’ve never embarrassed themselves or ruined their legacy, they mostly just picked up where they left off and kept chugging along. “Wilson (Expensive Mistakes)” is the first time I’ve thought they might have something new to add to their canon, and that’s a thrilling possibility. And until then, it’s a jam in its own right.

MG:

Okay. To deny “Wilson (Expensive Mistakes)” would be, profoundly, to deny MIA’s “Paper Planes” and as a recession graduate, I will never be comfortable doing that! But, are there some serious and confounding flaws also present, even heaped on top of the slightly faster and slightly beefier “Paper Planes” backing track? Yes, of course. To enjoy “Wilson (Expensive Mistakes)” is, profoundly, to feel every confusing second of the now all at once. It’s jarring and you’ll catch yourself asking no one in particular “...what?” but it’s also endearing in its place in both Fall Out Boy’s oeuvre and in the broader pop culture. Like, it’s lame to quote Moonrise Kingdom, right? Or am I the only person who is just fucking sick of Bill Murray? Shtick like that is played right alongside shtick like “I know it’s just a number/ but you’re the eighth wonder” which reminds me of “I’m just a notch in your bedpost/ but you’re just a line in a song.” It’s my estimation that Pete Wentz is right at the height of his lyrical powers, a spot that is also always the nadir. 

[fugandhi]

Roseanne: A Swan Song

Roseanne had recently made an inappropriate twitter (according to somewhere online; you can look it up) remark and then deleted it, and it was a pretty awful remark from what Kim told me.

So, I love “Roseanne.” That show is my favorite television show, and has been ever since I was a young boy. I remember growing up even thinking, “Man, that kid DJ looks SO MUCH LIKE ME” with the bowl cut and everything (yeah I have humble beginnings because I’m an average person).

I don’t know why Roseanne said what she said, but I know it’s wrong to make pretty damn offensive remarks about someone based off of their appearance - Especially if it is something that has to do with their race, gender, religion, nationality, etc. I mean - that’s like totally common knowledge by now I would certainly hope.

I was not surprised when I found out that her show got cancelled. It is absolutely heart-breaking. The best American TV Family (next to The Taylors of course; Home Improvement is my Other favorite TV show; Al & Wilson are my favorites, rest in peace to Earl Hindman) is at the mercy of the American public due to Roseanne Barr’s very stupid remarks. She apologized afterwards, and of course she deleted the tweet - but we all know the damage has been done.

So - I feel kinda silly because the correlation between The Conners and the show “Roseanne” and then the actress Roseanne Barr are so closely relatable (just as my household felt growing up; even though my family is not exactly like theirs, but the growing pains were in my humble opinion) that it can be very difficult to discern where reality and fantasy are divided.

I know Roseanne is a good person. Recently in my life, prior to the Season 10 comeback from the gang - Kim & I actually bought the entire 9 season box set from like walmart or something….nothing fancy.. Needless to say - We still watch the show on our own to this day with joy and genuine happiness.

Some of the most important life lessons I’ve had to learn that helped shape me as a human being - from being a child to a man - I was able to find in this show. I have a simple family - we are all hard workers and we don’t ask for much other than a God’s honest fair opportunity just like any American, heck, any human household.

It breaks my heart knowing that Roseanne has to not only go through the Hawaii circumstance which is very, very heart-breaking in it’s own right, but then also Roseanne now faces public scrutiny for thoughtless remarks due to whatever was going on with her at the time… I don’t have any relevant context so I cannot determine why she said what she said - all I know is - she removed it, she realized she was wrong, and she apologized, and her show got cancelled and now every single person that was genuinely happy and legitimately putting their best effort forth now has to suffer under a guilty-by-association almost like a punishment they didn’t collectively deserve.

So, with all that said - I have to be transparent about my ignorance. I do not know who Roseanne was talking about - I do not watch cable tv, I do not overwhelm my heart and mind and soul with the herculean amount of bad news and bad stories that are just…. almost robotically informed to the public. Like…do news anchors stop and just friggin have mental breakdowns due to the overwhelming amount of just nonstop negative stories that they have to constantly share?..I mean dang.  Anyway, back to my point..

I don’t know who she was talking about, but I will tell you I saw the photo of the lady and I didn’t even think the joke was funny (it’s just downright mean, Roseanne). I know that Roseanne, and a lot of people, may have animosity or a lot to say towards like different people, or just anyone who may have a different belief or like different point-of-view (or I guess different way-of-life), but yeah, it’s completely wrong to just start making fun of someone’s appearance over whatever personal prejudice or personal bigotry or anti-whatever - it’s just like this: Be Good & Be Nice. It kinda goes back to the fundamentals of the household - If you don’t have anything nice to say then don’t say it at all - I guess this is a lesson for all of us to keep in mind. Roseanne Barr is a household-name, she is very well-known, her fame is never going away, even with this stupid thing that happened (Anyone remember that whole Baseball/National Anthem uproar?) - Roseanne has been through a lot and a person of her intelligence and strength (especially Spiritually - She believes in God and she’s like very prominent about her religious beliefs) so she will continue to create important messages in her lifetime.

As far as the negative impact her words created - she has to heal the wounds. Either way it’s none of my business - I actually just watched the last 3 episodes of season 10, Kim and I had forgotten about them due to life happening.

So - after finding out about the upsetting remarks, and then that the show was cancelled very quickly afterwards (duh) - I watched the last three episodes of season 10 - and I still enjoyed the story. The very last episode, I believe, was a perfect ending for The Conners’ story. Roseanne’s Masterpiece is Complete.

The last episode was so profoundly meaningful, for myself as a viewer, let alone watching it with Kim (who of course was crying because it’s our favorite show). The funny thing is, I thought the last episode was completely fitting despite the fact that it was not planned to be the last episode.

The original last episode, back in season 9, was very heart-wrenching - especially with the fictitious death of Dan Conner - who is like the quintessential All-American Male (OH YEAH! John Goodman you are a blessing - God Bless you, Sir!) and that left a very powerful impact for me as someone who truly admired the show from beginning to end. You know, my favorite seasons are still like Season 1 & 2. I feel the same way about Home Improvement - which I still believe to this day deserves a full-fledged comeback season too - I mean yeah - it could happen. Anyway back to Roseanne - this show was very special in it’s initial stages. The Conners are not only a reflection of the average American Family, but they are a reflection of how American folk actually behave in a general sense - very hard-working, very smart, very big hearts, and very big dreams.

The struggle for the common family is the main concept of Roseanne, and yes it’s from her own unique perspective, but she had come out with full force in honor of Mothers and Wives across the land. It was a BEAUTY. It still is. Those seasons are still true - although it’s all a fantasy - there’s real pain and sorrow and real joy and bliss throughout these episodes.

The Conners represent American Values and the growing pains of us all who have had to work and earn our keep and also open our narrow points of view to concepts outside of our comfort zones (without having to compromise our free-will or beliefs). The show is very much like a photo album, or an energetic snapshot of how each of our respective homes have been - maybe that’s why the show clicks so easily for an average person who doesn’t come from like riches and wealth - and even then - I’m sure an obvious socialite could still at least identify with the personal growth and struggles of at least one of the characters. Whether it’s Bev being chastised by Jackie and Rosie for being too much of a judgmental hoity-toity kinda basket case (with the sweetest intentions) - or if it’s Dan throwin’ a hammer through dry-wall due to coming to terms with his own mortality as a man.

This show is powerful. The performances are spot-on. The quality is there. If this show wasn’t so damn lovable then why would people not cry over these stories and these genuinely damn fine acting performances (from everyone, even down to simple featured extras). There’s a lot of talent that was either on the show or in the behind-the-scenes - that have all gone on to work on other successful projects. Roseanne has so much sway. She carries so much influence because people  believe in her. I still believe in her. I don’t believe she would go out of her way to try to hurt others - Granted - I did recall watching a video online of Tom Arnold saying “You know, Roseanne the person and the character are 2 different people - She and ABC should apologize to the American Public” - and I saw that back when it was like her 3rd or 5th episode into the last season (so maybe this is karmic debt for Roseanne? God only knows dude).

Either way - the show is still amazing and you can’t take away the incredible accomplishments & achievements of everyone involved (even people who just don’t care about it anymore - which is cool too - because at the end of the day it is purely entertainment).

It’s astonishing to witness such a social outburst from American citizens - I’m like - dude there are worse things that come out of her mouth on her friggin tv show that people seem to just laugh and forgive instantly (for the sake of their own entertainment)…however funny - sometimes ya gotta make the choice between good and bad taste. I don’t agree with what she said. I think she mouthed-off and obviously displayed her own ignorance & obnoxiousness simultaneously and then thought about it afterwards. I forgive her.

I think it’s important to display a certain sense of forgiveness and mercy - obviously she already had her show pulled from her - but she is human. She’s not perfect by any means, neither am I, and I would never choose to play Devil’s advocate, I would only want to help sustain the legacy of not only her but of John Goodman, Laurie Metcalf, Alicia Goranson, Sara Gilbert, Michael Fishman, Natalie West, Sarah Chalke, Glenn Quinn, Johnny Galecki, Estelle Parsons, Martin Mull, Michael O’Keefe, and the list goes on… There’s a lot of people who still believe in the values of what this TV Family symbolize & represent as the common family.

ABC was never the right place for Roseanne. Netflix would be so much more suitable - especially with the recent FOX buy-out situation that prompted Matt Groening of The Simpsons and Futurama to leave (uh yeah, Disney is trying to monopolize which is lame). I think whether or not Roseanne continues (with or without ABC) - the legacy remains strong.

To conclude, It kinda surprises me that people hold Entertainers & Comedians & Musicians to a higher level of consequences (especially in a sociological standpoint) in comparison to other aspects of society. It’s like… to me… it just seems odd that Entertainers are treated like Political Leaders, and Political Leaders are treated like Entertainers. Isn’t that Odd to anyone else? Either way, I digress. God Bless the efforts of every person, especially Sara Gilbert, who really seemed to genuinely put their hearts, souls, minds, and their Faith into their work in telling the story of the contemporary family in American society. I thank all of those people from the bottom of my heart. All good things must come to an end I suppose. In the end - no one is Perfect. I’m not. You’re not. Roseanne definitely is not (lol), but you show me someone who is perfect (other than God) and I will call them a liar. We’re all in this together people. Stay Strong.

-ATOMIK 1

“Those who dream by night, in the dusty recesses of their minds wake in the day to find that all was vanity; but the dreamers of the day are dangerous men, for they may act their dream with open eyes, and make it possible.”

[newmusicmonthly]

2020

Hello. I hope you and yours are well. As is tradition, below are my selections for albums and songs of the year. As I have yet to receive a reply from you, dear reader, sincerely asking to unsubscribe, you are therefore the proud recipient of the list once more! I’ve altered the format from 5 tracks each month because, as I suspect many of you did, I went into a nostalgic hole for large chunks of this year (for me this consisted of at least two months of nothing but Funkadelic, which does mean my personalised algorithm is now ace), but also when I looked back at when many of these tracks were released it was front heavy for the first half of the year – another body blow to the supposed “monthly” mailer. I even considered not writing my one-liners, but where is the fun in that? Furthermore, trying to keep the long list to 60 tracks in total (equivalent to 5 per month) proved overly frustrating, so I’ve included some extras, especially as this year felt 13 month long. Notwithstanding said excuses, enough preamble, on with the list! Let me know what you think and do send me your own selections. Lots of love xx TOP 10s TOP 10 ALBUMS Baxter Dury – The Night Chancers Mildlife – Automatic SAULT – Untitled (Black Is) Alice Boman – Dream On Kanaan – Odense Sessions Lightning Orchestra – Source And Deliver Yves Tumor – Heaven To A Tortured Mind The Strokes – The New Abnormal Woods – Strange to Explain Erland Cooper – Hether Blether TOP 10 TRACKS Malena Zavala – En la Noche Caribou – You & I Yves Tumor – Kerosene! Puscifer – Apocalyptical Mildlife – Automatic King Hannah – Meal Deal SAULT – Wildfires // Bow [yes, there are two tracks there] Kanaan – Urgent Excursions To the Tundrasphere Frazey Ford – Golden Jessie Ware – What’s Your Pleasure? NEW MUSIC ‘MONTHLY’ MAILER Spotify Link Here Holy Fuck – Near Mint What better way to kick off a retrospective look at 2020 than with ‘Holy Fuck’ Alice Boman – It’s OK, It’s Alright Really love this album and this pick is a real downer, spectral and haunting but also touching Smoke Fairies – Out Of The Woods Jessica and Katherine still delivering a decade on, the chorus guitar riff is tops Nicolas Godin – The Border Air’s Nicolas Godin doing his best detached friendly robot, mais bien sur Moses Boyd – BTB Vibrant, propulsive, energetic, gotta move! The Men – Wading In Dirty Water Avid readers will know I’m a fan of these guys and this one rides a familiar Crazy Horse choogle Tame Impala – Breathe Deeper Funky bass, piano flourishes, solid synths, all groove Kanaan – Urgent Excursions To the Tundrasphere Ok, here it is, there’s always going to be at least one – this is the 14 min space rock jam – skip/enjoy! Frazey Ford – Golden This production is right up my street, soulful vocals swoop around tight rhythm section and hammond keys, an analogue dream Caribou – You and I From the analogue to a digital master, man this beat is catchy Pulled By Magnets – Cold Regime People Die File this under terrifying experimental jazz Jonathan Wilson – Riding The Blinds JW doing that 6/8 minor ballad thang Baxter Dury – Say Nothing Another album I loved this year and could have picked any number of tracks, so here’s a quote from Baxter: “My craft and in a sense a certain style has been perfected and it’s easy… I don’t have to do it again basically. I don’t want to hear another man talking over an orchestral background.” Ha! U.S. Girls – 4 American Dollars Slick funky, soulful, classic strings, building into a brilliant outro with great lyrics Deeper – Lake Song Detached vibe ala Joy Division / The Cure done through a Pavement lens with serious downer lyrics Pretty Lightning – Voo Doo Boo Swampy dirge guitar grooves Tamikrest – Anha Achal Wad Namda Another mailer favourite, Touareg guitar wizards Tony Allen, Hugh Masekela – Never (Lagos Never Gonna Be the Same) Master drummer who sadly passed away earlier this year just after this release, and two years after master trumpeter Masekela’s own passing, this track is a buzzing tribute to Fela Myrkur – House Carpenter Danish black metaller does Scandinavian folk: bright and beautiful Sufjan Stevens, Lowell Brams – The Runaround A weird album, even by Sufjan standards, but I found these electronic ambient sounds strangely comforting R.A.P. Ferreira – ABSOLUTES Rhythm & poetry The Weeknd – Blinding Lights What can I add to the smash of 2020? Catchy af Porridge Radio – Long Indie banger, with a decidedly angry, bitter, playful lyrics Cleo Sol – Her Light If online research is to be believed Cleo is part of the collective in SAULT with producer Inflo, but this album is standalone brilliance without knowing that, this is pure vintage soul vibes Malena Zavala – En la Noche I returned to this track more than any other this year, the rhythm, the vocals, the melody, the production, even if I have to use google translate to fully understand the lyrics Tom Misch, Yussef Dayes – Lift Off Molten guitar, groovy arrangements, and plenty of business from Dayes Yves Tumor – Kerosene! An absolute belter, amazing vocals, groove and crescendo perfection Warm Digits, The Orielles – Shake The Wheels Off (feat. The Orielles) Immediate synth pop, indie dancefloor (with some solid cowbell) EOB – Brasil First solo venture for Ed, acoustic folk gives way to rumbling bass banger, would very much like to experience this in a field Other Lives – Hey Hey I Grand rocking orchestral aural assault with hints of Morricone Elephant Tree – Sails Fulfilling the heavy dirge quota, that hit at 2:33 is a proper head in the speakers moment The Strokes – Why Are Sundays So Depressing This album snuck up on me, and then I found myself listening to it non-stop, this track such an ear worm Houses of Heaven – In Soft Confusion I think the right descriptor is darkwave – insistent drum machine, reverb soaked vocals, industrial production, gloomy pop hooks Joel Sarakula – Don’t Give Up on Me Operating in a dangerous space between homage and pastiche, groove and parody, this is smooth easy yacht rock Donny Benét – Second Dinner Following hot on the heels of pastiche, this time with tongue firmly in cheek, The Don and his 80s reverence lolz Perfume Genius – Whole Life Completely arresting, the lyrics an absolute gut punch, yet still gorgeous Jake Blount – Beyond This Wall From the press release, this album “features fourteen carefully chosen tracks drawn from Blount’s extensive research of Black and Indigenous mountain music. The result is an unprecedented testament to the voices paradoxically obscured yet profoundly ingrained into the Appalachian tradition” – this contemporary instrumental is a superb banjo and fiddle tune Holy Hive – Broom Formed by the drummer from the Dap Tones and inspired by being on tour with Lee Fields, this gentle soul, complete with tremolo guitar and horns, really floats Woods – Where Do You Go When You Dream A welcome return to form, this mellotron infused number is beautifully catchy Erland Cooper – Linga Holm Dramatic piano and strings from an altogether wild and wonderful album Mystery Jets – Screwdriver Loud / quiet dynamic, bombastic riffs, seething verses, the Jets turn it up to eleven to fight with love Jehnny Beth – Flower Another track where hushed verses give way to chorus explosions, serious tension and intensity Hinds – Good Bad Times Love that thudding bass drum, big stomping pop Norah Jones – Were You Watching? Smooth but haunting, with added Celtic flavour Braids – Young Buck Bleeps and bloops, melancholic poppy vocals, and the damnedest catchiest chorus Jessie Ware – What’s Your Pleasure? Is it getting hot in here? No further questions LA Priest – What Moves Quirky strutting electro, sleek yet squelchy SAULT – Wildfires + SAULT, Michael Kiwanuka – Bow Double billing because I couldn’t make a choice (plus when I realised the rhythms flow perfectly into one another it’s like it’s one song) Run The Jewels – a few words for the firing squad (radiation) Again, difficult to choose which track on this album; this is pure fire with sax and all GUM – The Thrill Of Doing It Right Turn this feel good banger up! Such a big hit when the horns drop at the start The Vacant Lots - Fracture Catchy, icy, synths (and Desert Sands label mates by the by) A.A. Williams – Melt Enchanting slow-burning, stirring post-rock, with a wonderful, soaring crescendo Lightning Orchestra – For Those Who Are Yet To Be Born A late discovery, but immediately catapulted to the top, self-described “psychedelic booty-shake” Kamaal Williams – Save Me Almost chose ‘Pigalle’ but the tight push drumming on this won out, hard funky jazz stylings of the Herbie variety Victoria Monét – Dive Lavish and groovy, and as Monét puts it: “They say most humans are about 60% water, but I believe women must be 69% so dive in baby." Secret Machines – Talos’ Corpse Genuinely so happy to see Brandon and Josh back and still with the big sounds All Them Witches – Enemy of My Enemy Relentlessly heavy, all the chops and described by one reviewer as the love child of TOOL, Led Zeppelin, Black Sabbath and Kyuss; I love this band Fenne Lily – Birthday Beautiful and bruised Mildlife – Automatic Another new discovery, in the pocket cosmic goodness and much as it pains me to quote from NME I can’t think of a better description than ‘Mobius strip funk’ Puscifer – Apocalyptical Maynard in the video for this track is an indelible image; massive swaggering Intruder-esque drums, angular menacing guitars, Carina’s ethereal edgy vocals, Maynard’s gritted teeth whispers, and apposite apocalyptical lyrics Matt Berninger – Loved So Little Confessional moody acoustic conjuring up Western-esque vistas Goldensuns – Denandra Moore Californian sun-drenched lo-fi groove, for fans of Conan Mockasin and Night Moves Frankie and the Witch Fingers – Cavehead F*cking excellent west coast garage psych melange and the B,D,E ascend at 3:10 is nod central King Gizzard & The Lizard Wizard – The Hungry Wolf Of Fate Genre bending brilliance once again from down under, this cut a heavy, doomy Sabbath assault King Hannah – Meal Deal Ominous drone opens into an acoustic tale of buying a flat with a spider in the bath, Hannah’s sinister smoky sultry vocals draw you in, before some menacing low frequency dirge guitar and drums kick in at 1:30… By this point on first listen I was already hooked, but then comes a great walloping Angel Olsen ‘Sister’ style crescendo, a glorious find at the end of the year (props to Manuel) HONOURABLE MENTIONS Elephant Stone – I See You Sam Lee, Elizabeth Frazer – The Moon Shines Bright Priscilla Ermel – Martim Pescador Rheinzand – Blind Dogleg – Fox The Flaming Lips, Deap Lips – Home Thru Hell The Heliocentrics – Hanging By A Thread Midwife – 2018 Chicano Batman – Color My life Trace Mountains – Rock & Roll Peach Pit – Shampoo Bottles Buscabulla – Vámono Rolling Blackouts Coastal Fever – Cars In Space Jess Williamson – Wind on Tin Thiago Nassif, Arto Lindsay – Plástico The Vacant Lots – Endless Rain Nubya Garcia – Stand With Each Other (Feat. Ms MAURICE, Cassie Kinoshi, & Richie Seivwright) Juanita Stein – L.O.T.F. Carlton Melton – Waylay Paul McCartney – Long Tailed Winter Bird

[mcneelamusic]

My Favourite Musical Gift Ideas for Christmas 2020

Now more than ever, the world needs music. Music has been scientifically proven to have a profoundly positive effect on your mental health.

Learning and playing music is also the ultimate brain train game and keeps the brain healthy and active and can even reverse decline.

I started selling bodhráns over 41 years ago. Since then McNeela Music has grown to include concertinas, flutes, whistles, fiddles, banjos, accordions and so much more.

Giving the gift of music is one of the greatest things you can do. So to help you choose the perfect traditional Irish musical gift I’ve compiled my list of top gifts for Christmas 2020.

You’ll find musical stocking fillers and Secret Santa ideas to beautifully crafted Irish instruments and that something extra special for the person who already has it all.

If you don’t see what you’re looking for get in touch and I’ll do my best to help.

– Paraic

Contents

Musical Stocking Fillers

Secret Santa Around €50

Gifts For Children

Irish Music Gifts for Under the Tree

Money No Object

Books & CDs

Under €100 ($)

Under €250 ($$)

Under €500 ($$$)

Under €1,000 ($$$$)

Under €2,000 ($$$$$)

Musical Stocking Fillers

Clarke Celtic Whistle

– The original penny whistle is a perennial favourite. This dark green Celtic whistle is the perfect musical Christmas gift for all ages and abilities, and is very pocket friendly too!

Robot Instrument Stand

– A colourful way to display your instruments and keep them within easy reach. This is a nifty fold away instrument stand and will hold a whole host of string instruments.

Metal Cheating Spoons

– For the percussionist in your life who wants to try out the spoons these cheating spoons make it easy to get started.

Flute Maintenance Kit

– A best-seller, we sell at least one practically every day, being a flute player myself I find that this is an invaluable kit designed to keep your wooden flute in tip-top condition.

Selection of Bodhrán Beaters

Bodhrán players are constantly trying out new beaters and tippers and will always welcome new additions to their collection. Take a look at my selection, all at stocking (!) friendly prices. I recommend the Fiddle Bow Beater and the Brush Beater if you’re stuck for ideas.

Shaskeen Live and kicking Double CD

– I’d recommend this for all lovers of traditional Irish music and the céilí band style and makes a great gift for the Irish music lover in your life

The McNeela Musical T-Shirt

Everyone who wears this comes back raving about the quality of the material and the comfortable fit. It also gets great feedback at sessions. Better still, it has been screen printed using cutting edge water based inks by local Dublin lads. Oh and the answer is on the back!

Drum Diddly Bodhrán Cream

This is my best-selling premium bodhrán conditioning cream, so good you can use it on your own hands, because you’re worth it! It also resurrects the goatskin to a startling degree and really enhances the tone. Sixty 5-star reviews can’t be wrong!

Quick Draw Capo

-My best-selling Capo, slide it on and never take it off. Perfect for nearly all stringed instruments.

Bodhrán Mic – This five-star rated bodhrán mic has astounded bodhrán players thanks to its ability to capture that beautiful bass tone plus the price ain’t bad at all!

The McNeela Violin Shoulder Rest

Designed to fit 3/4 and full size violins this beautifully crafted fully adjustable professional maple wood shoulder rest boasts an excellent fit, high comfort value and a professional finish plus it fits neatly into a Christmas stocking!

The FZONE Chromatic Violin Clip-On Tuner

-I use tuners all the time and this one is a top seller garnering great reviews plus it’s handy. Just attach it to the violin neck and tune up.

Premium Carbon Fibre Violin Bow – my coffee brown violin bow with snakewood frog weighs only 65 grams and gets a gorgeous rich tone from the strings.

Secret Santa Around €50

Gallon Cross Bodhrán Set – This beautiful screen printed 12″ bodhrán not only looks great but comes with a beater and an instruction DVD by yours truly. This is a perfect Celtic music Christmas gift for the percussionist in your life.

Lee Oskar Harmonica – You can’t go wrong with a Lee Oskar Harmonica. Suitable for playing Blues, Rock, Country, Folk and Jazz.

Books & CDs

Feadóg Tin Whistle Set – Tom Maguire’s classic method has inspired and introduced countless players to the joys of the tin whistle and this set contains everything you need in one with a tin whistle and demonstration CD.

The Irish Flute by Fintan Vallely – I still consult my Vallely Irish flute book for everything from practice tips to flute maintenance, very comprehensive and full of interesting information all presented in Vallely’s unique style.

Foinn Seisiún

The Foinn Seisiún Series starts with the Foinn Seisiún 1 book and is a library essential for those of you interested in getting to grips with Irish session tune sets. You can also buy the accompanying CD to play along with, magic.

Feochán CD by Robert Harvey – 7 time All-Ireland champion, Robert Harvey, was in with us recently playing some McNeela flutes and whistles. His playing astounded me. His acclaimed debut album would be a great Christmas gift for whistle and flute lovers or anyone who appreciates great traditional Irish music.

Extreme TGI Banjo Gig Bag – TGI make very smart instrument cases and their Extreme range is a particular favourite. Get it for the tenor banjo player in your life. It also fits a mandola.

Irish Flute Box – Another best-selling item and one of my top selling cases. It’s foam-lined, shock-proof and has a section for whistles. This is a must-have for the flute player in your life.

Gifts For Children

McNeela 14 inch Bodhrán – this bodhrán is a perfect size for ages 7 and up, it has all the features of a professional bodhrán, including the rich & warm McNeela signature bass, but in a child-friendly size

The Wren Concertina – This beginner concertina has been a best-seller of mine for years with good reason; it’s a great child-friendly size, it features large white buttons for easy finger placement, a clean bright sound and it comes with free beginner lessons with Caitlín Nic Gabhann.

Easy String Violin – My Easy String violin range is perfect for young delicate fingers. It takes the pain out of practicing and helps them get their note placement faster and more comfortably. The price cannot be beaten!

Cygnet Rosewood Wooden Flute – the Cygnet is specially designed for beginners both young and older. I’ve made the embouchure easier to fill and the flute itself is lightweight for a wooden flute. Not only that but it produces a beautiful soft tone, enough to get them hooked on the Irish flute style.

Tony Dixon Practice Flute – for the very young player this lightweight polymer practice flute will be a great entry to Irish flute playing and it’s at a nice learner level price too.

Irish Music Gifts for Under the Tree

Under €100 ($)

Premium bodhrán Gig Bag – we designed this bag to be sturdy yet lightweight and with plenty of cushioning for your bodhrán. I also added a handy beater pocket at the front plus rubber floor protectors. It looks fantastic in striking black and carmine and Celtic forest green colourways.

14” Non-Tunable bodhrán

– one of my best sellers, this comes with taped goatskin to get that signature luscious bass sound. A joy to play it’s perfect for young or petite players and a great travel size too.

Susato Penny Whistle

This is a top choice for many an established whistle player in Ireland. No one could believe the tone they could get from a ‘plastic’ whistle! It’s a great Christmas gift for the tin whistle or flute player in your life.

Bodhrán Beater Set 2020 Edition You will never go wrong giving a bodhrán player more beaters! Firstly, we’re always losing them and secondly we love to try out new styles. This set has it all.

Under €250 ($$)

Duo-Head Low D Flute & Whistle (TB022) by Tony Dixon – An excellent low D whistle and flute combo by Tony, you get two great instruments for the price of one with its dual-head accessory. It’s great for learners.

Setanta Low Whistle in D – John O’Brien has made the Setanta Low Whistle even more perfect. I’d even go so far as to say it is unmatched. This is a serious whistle, grab one before they sell out (again!).

The Setanta Low Whistles are also available in a Full Set of E, Eb & D

14″ Tuneable Bodhrán – this perfect travel size bodhrán comes with tuners so you never have to leave your perch at the session! It’s a great Christmas gift for a young beginner or for someone who wants to add to their bodhrán collection.

The Koda Mandolin – if they can play the violin, they can play the mandolin, the fingering’s the same. This vintage style mandolin by well known makers, Koda, will look great under the tree too!

Under €500 ($$$)

Wren 2 Concertina

This magical music machine is my best-selling concertina and just perfect for the beginner concertina player. I upgraded it in 2020 and it is even better than ever. The reviews are consistently excellent and it’s a lovely gift for any aspiring musician, plus you get superb online video beginner lessons absolutely free when you buy.

The Lon Dubh Delrin Irish Flute – it sounds so good, no one will know it’s not wood! I recommend this gorgeous flute for players in very hot, dry or cold climates. It is virtually maintenance free and it will never crack. It’s fast becoming a favourite here at McNeela Music.

Rosewood Performance Deep Rim 15” Tunable Bodhrán

I think the addition of tuners to bodhráns was a major leap forward for this great Irish drum; hand tuners are very convenient for uninterrupted playing all night long.

The deep Rosewood rim adds a beautiful aesthetic, this is one you’ll want to hang on your wall when you’re not obsessively playing it!

Oh, and how can I forget you also receive a comprehensive online introduction and beginner lesson to the bodhrán by yours truly – free with all purchases of McNeela tuneable bodhráns PLUS 8 bonus bodhrán lessons with bodhrán playing legend, Rónán Ó Snodaigh.

The Wave Bodhrán Set – One player has described receiving his Wave bodhrán as ‘a religious experience’! For the bodhrán player that has it all, this will seriously impress them.

The set includes everything an experienced player needs including a selection of advanced beaters, a premium travel bag plus full access to Rónán Ó Snodaigh’s complete Beginner to Master Bodhrán Course.

Under €1,000 ($$$$)

Arie de Keyser Keyless Flute

I currently have a small number of these stunning African Blackwood flutes ready to ship. Arie is famous for crafting beautiful wooden flutes for the traditional Irish market. His African Blackwood Irish flute would be a market leader. Hurry, if you want one as stock is very limited.

McNeela African Blackwood Flute – I’m very proud of this flute as it represents a culmination of many years of playing and research. It’s a powerful instrument thanks to the density of the blackwood, I’ve ensured that the low D is strong, and the sound has just the right amount of chiff for a great Irish trad sound

Swan Premium Beginner Concertina

– this is not just a very good looking concertina. Its looks showcase a superb instrument featuring terrific action, a great sound and sublime ease of play.

Perfect for beginners and improvers who want something a little more premium from their concertina; it’s also a favourite with pros. Plus it comes with free online lessons by Caitlín Nic Gabhann exclusive to McNeela Instruments!

Maestro Violin – this is one of those gems that no one can believe costs less than a €1,000. It produces a heavenly sound and is just made for traditional and folk music the world over. Listen to Liam O’Connor play it if you don’t believe me.

McNeela Keyed Delrin Flute – You won’t find such a superb keyed flute for a lower price anywhere. It’s crafted from low-maintenance hardwearing Delrin yet produces a gorgeous woody tone and is great for playing traditional and folk tunes both solo or in a group.

Under €2,000 ($$$$$)

Phoenix Concertina

– my best selling intermediate concertina is a game changer for the market. Superb sound, fast riveted action, ease of play second to none and the finish is a study in subtle elegance, you may never need another concertina.

Sam Murray Keyless Blackwood Flute – Sam Murray is one of Ireland’s greatest flute makers. I currently have two of these sought after flutes ready to ship now. So beat the queue and get your hands on the Rolls Royce of Irish flutes.

McNeela 3 Voice Premium B/C Accordion – Stun them with a gift of this premium 3 voice concertina featuring Czech made ‘tipo a mano’ reeds for a powerful accordion tone. It sounds as good as it looks and comes with a hard case and sturdy shoulder straps for a limited time only.

Sam Murray Keyed Blackwood Flute – Sam’s list of admirers is endless and includes myself so I’m deeply honoured to be an exclusive stockist of Sam’s work – his keyed African blackwood is a superstar among Irish flutes, there aren’t enough superlatives really.

Money No Object

Sam Murray Keyed Blackwood Flute – Sam’s list of admirers is endless and includes myself so I’m deeply honoured to be an exclusive stockist of Sam’s work – his keyed African blackwood is a superstar among Irish flutes, there aren’t enough superlatives really.

For the man, woman or child who already has everything, we have some very special antique concertinas. Each one is unique, displaying the ultimate in craftsmanship and musicality and most importantly has been hand selected with superb playability in mind and that inimitable quality of vintage warmth and all the stories the instrument has to tell.

This Wheatstone Linota Concertina is a rare specimen and a really special ‘find’ for the concertina lover in your life. Feel free to call me about this if you wish to discuss shipping etc.

I can’t think of a more special way to wish someone all the joys of the Christmas season. This is truly a gift for life.

Choose from antique Jeffries, Wheatstone & Lachenal concertinas and vintage violins bows.

Please get in touch with me for any extra details you may require and to experience the legendary 5-star McNeela customer service.

Contact: service@mcneelamusic.com or call me on +353 1 8322432