#this week isn’t real I’m living in a sims game that’s what I’m telling myself

[simplyghosting]

Love living in a comedy of errors. Went to pick up a car from the mechanic for a near $1k auto repair and when I walked up to the driver’s side the door handle fell off.

[mcrmadness]

🌺💘🌷 GET TO KNOW YOUR MUTUALS TAG 🌷💘🌺

Rules: When you get this, it means someone wants to know more about you, so list 5 things about yourself you want your followers to know! They can be as simple as your age or as complex as your deepest fear, as long as it’s something you’re comfortable with sharing. When you’re done and if you want to, send this to 10 people you want to get to know better!

Tagged by: @cats-crushesandhistory, thank you!!! Tagging: @stufenlosregelbar, @hanhan156, @charlotte-lancer, @autumnrebel, @cupcakecurl, @lycanrvc, - six is enough for now. I’m probably forgetting about basically everyone, I literally had to go through these by letters because I can never remember anything when I should make a list and I still feel bad for not including _everyone. But I decided to include only those who I have interacted with at least a little bit - I literally don’t dare to speak to anyone unless they tell me first that I am allowed to approach them. I also did not tag anyone who I haven’t seen doing these tag games or who I don’t know if they like these or not. And all of you can also just skip this if this is not your cup of tea.

***

I can never write anything short (surprise...) so I’ll just give you a short list here and you can click the read more link and see more of my thoughs on each topic there.

I am a teetotaler and I have never even tried alcohol. I also don’t and have never smoked and I stay the f* away from drugs, too.

I love cats. Like, for real, they’re the best thing in this whole world.

I love all animals overall, and I am actually a horse groom, I have a the “Vocational Qualification in Horse Care and Management”, specializing in harness racing, and I have worked with horses for over 10 years so far.

As a kid, I was a huge dinosaur nerd and I still love them.

I love comics and I have also drawn comics since I was a kid. I still have all of my old comics saved. Lately I haven’t been drawing even nearly as much and only fanart, tho. Drawing is fun but I simultaneously love and hate it.

Lol it seems I have love for everything but humans :D:D:D:D:D:D I didn’t even realize that before making this list looooooooool XD But yeah, more rambling under the cut :D But thanks for reading, if you end up reading it.

1. I am a teetotaler and I have never even tried alcohol. I also don’t smoke (and never have) and I avoid drugs - so much so that I don’t know if getting ADHD medication would break this “rule” of mine because they are made from the same stuff as one well-known drug...

I think it started as me just being so “lawful” all the time and the legal drinking age in Finland is 18, so I wanted to follow the rules at all times so I didn’t even think about drinking before the age of 18 and I was often very much shocked by other teens who did that, and I also remember being really worried when my best friend started experimenting with alcohol as a teenager. Despite the legal drinking age being 18, basically everyone here still started (and starts?) drinking between the ages of 13 and 15. So at school, from Monday to Wednesday, all that happened was overhearing the drunk stories of other kids. And from Wednesday to Friday, it changed to them discussing their plans for the next weekend. It was like this every week. And I never could wrap my head around it (I spent my weekends at home being happy that I could have free time and play The Sims 2 or something).

Then at some point I guess I just felt like I don’t even need alcohol for having fun and I still haven’t felt like that, and I don’t think I ever will either. When I turned 18, I was super annoyed by everyone because EVERYONE asked me “So you’re turning 18, did you plan on going to a bar?” and I would always answer something like “I don’t even drink (alcohol) so why would I?” and what still annoys me a little is people telling me “That’s good. That’s a good decision, drinking is bad.” and like... if you really think so, why do you drink yourself, then?

2. I love cats. Maybe that is partially visible from my blog too but I really, really love cats, and for decades my favorite animal has been tiger. When I was born, we had already 3 cats in the house and the last one of them died when I was almost 13 (he would have turned 16 that year). Before I moved out at the age of 23, there was not a single day without cats and currently my parents have 4 (plus a dog). I am still dreaming of my own cat but I can’t take one now because animals are not allowed in my flat but whenever I move out of this, I will choose one with pets allowed and I will adopt a cat. Most likely a rescue cat if I can find one, or even two so they can keep each other company. As cute as kittens are, adult cats are also important and need homes.

3. I also love animals overall. I actually like them more than humans (but technically humans are just apes so they’re my least favorite animal, then) and when I was 7-years-old, whenever I was asked about my dream job, I always said or wrote “I don’t know, probably something to do with animals!” And since my teens I have had lots of different ideas for jobs but when I was 25, I graduated as a horse groom. And have been (on-off) working with horses for over 10 years now (currently unemployed). Originally I chose the horse work because I was so pissed by the capitalist system and the thought of an office job or job at a grocery store and such was just... ew, no, never! So I chose horses because if I have to work, then I will do something useful and someone’s gotta take care of the animals too and I love animals, and animal work doesn’t feel like work but more like a lifestyle, so I’ve been basically fooling the system AND myself by that. Sometimes I also dream of the work as a zookeeper.

4. As a kid, I was a huge dinosaur nerd and I still love them (Land Before Time FTW). With my siblings we had a huge collection of dinosaur toys and I also have always loved evolution and genetics, so what we did was to give an individual name for every dinosaur we had. And we knew the species of each of them, and we knew so many facts about them too. Each dino also had their own personality and we even created family trees for them. There were generations of these dinos and we also created this “growing up order” which meant we put them all standing next to each other, usually under my brother’s bed because we had so many of them and they didn’t fit anywhere else lol, from the youngest/smallest to the oldest. And our biggest mission, that never got finished, was “The Big Play” which was us playing that the ancestor parents aka the oldest and biggest of our toys were born and we would play with them and play how they grow older and eventually start having their own kids - who were the next generation in our “growing up order” :D

No wonder why I still love playing The Sims games, especially TS3! (I even have a Finnish simsblog.) Lots of the things I have done and loved as a kid still live so strong in me, they just come out differently than what they did then. Imagination and toys changed to video games, especially The Sims (but I did play video games a lot as a kid too) and my love for genetics and evolution is still really strong.

5. I love comics. My favorite comic book character of all times is Garfield - he’s a cat and I grew up with cats so obviously I fell in love with the Garfield comics too, and I grew up with them as well. My mom subscribed to the Finnish Garfield comic in the early 90s and I have full volumes starting from the year 1994. I also have lots and lots of earlier comics and I always hunt for them from second-hand shops and I don’t have too many of them missing anymore, and I’m really proud of my collection. I also collect Lucky Luke, Rantanplan and Asterix - I have almost all of the (Finnish publications of) Lucky Lukes and Rantanplan.

I have also always loved drawing and I drew my first actual comic when I was 9 or 10 years old. Before that I had been drawing lots of “image series”, one image per paper. I still have all my old comics here in a drawer and I have had so many different characters and majority of them have had endless “plots” aka no plots whatsoever :D Before I actually never drew humans, I started drawing human portraits as fanart when I was 16 and the first human comic characters I drew (also as a fanart) when I was 18 or so. Before that everything was animals of some sort - I have had ants, flies, dogs, cats, birds... even ghosts at some point, and I also created one very simple anthropomorphic creature just so that it was easy to draw and I could concentrate on drawing clothes and hair. Oh my god I loved drawing hairdos to these, and so often I had one female “main character” and I gave her a “growth spurt” where I just drew her in different ages until she was “adult” and I continued telling about her life as an “adult”. Very often these differen phases were literally phases, there were soooooo many different styles each just for one year :D Then at some point I started coming up with actual ideas and plots instead of just drawing whatever I felt like drawing. I still draw comics nowadays, but those are mainly fanart and I haven’t drawn about OC’s in years and currently I have no active ones (except for the “self-comics” about my deep thoughts etc.) and I don’t know how to create new ones, I just have no creativity unless it’s provoked by a fandom thing or when I get a base like The Sims 3 where I don’t have an empty canvas but am given the tools for creating something new.

It might be fun to share some of my old comics here one day but this blog isn’t really an “art blog”, even tho I post some of my drawings occassionally. But let me know if you’d like to see some and maybe I will make a post about that in the future.

[purplesurveys]

961

What was the most unsettling film you’ve seen? Unsettling films are my jam, man. To name a few, there’s Eraserhead, Room, Midsommar, Eyes Wide Shut, Misery, and most recently, I’m Thinking of Ending Things. Eraserhead takes the cake though. That movie always makes me queasy...

What unethical experiment would have the biggest positive impact on society as a whole? I’m a firm believer in nothing good ever comes out of unethical practices. I’ll never forget reading about an experiment where a group of newborn babies were given basic needs like food and being bathed, but weren’t shown any affection whatsoever and it was meant to see if humans can survive with just the most basic physiological needs. By the end of the experiment period half of the babies were dead. The results were honestly a lot bleaker than how I’ve put it, but I don’t wanna be a downer lol. Suffice it to say that experiment haunted me for days after reading it.

When was the last time you were snooping, and found something you wish you hadn’t? It was around a week or so ago, I’m pretty sure.

Which celebrity or band has the worst fan base? My sister is into K-pop and I hear insights from her all the time, but her one constant is that BTS breeds the most annoying, toxic fans. I’d have to agree. Ariana Grande’s fandom was also annoying at one point, but I haven’t heard much from them making a mess these days.

What are you interested in that most people aren’t? Autobiographies.

If you were given a PhD degree, but had no more knowledge of the subject of the degree besides what you have now, what degree would you want to be given to you? Why would I deserve a PhD on something I’m clearly not qualified for...I’m not sure I’m following this question right, but I don’t feel like thinking too hard about it.

What smartphone feature would you actually be excited for a company to implement? I’m happy with the features that are widespread now, but I wish companies adhere more to countries other than the common ones like US, UK, Australia, etc. I always see ads about phones being able to tell you how much movie tickets cost or track boarding passes, but those are all irrelevant here. It makes a lot of Apple’s basic apps useless on this side of the world haha.

What’s something people don’t worry about but really should? Long-term effects of poor habits like not getting enough sleep or drinking too many cups of coffee. I know because I’m guilty of this.

What movie quotes do you use on a regular basis? “I won’t think about that now, I’ll think about it tomorrow,” but I usually say it to myself, especially when I feel stressed.

Do you think that children born today will have better or worse lives than their parents? Better, but idk if that’s just me being biased because my generation will be the next parents lol. I just think that a lot of Gen X parents still have a lot of dated prejudices and mindsets that my generation was able to learn better from. For example my mom doesn’t like using people’s preferred names, especially if they’ve transitioned -_____- and I know I’d never want to set such an example for my kids.

What’s the funniest joke you know by heart? I know I’ve come across hilarious ones but I always fail to come up with one when asked on the spot.

When was the last time you felt you had a new lease on life? LOL RIGHT NOW

What’s the funniest actual name you’ve heard of someone having? It’s more stupid than funny and I know I’ve already mentioned this before, but Covid Bryant as a first and second name still takes the cake for me. My sister went to school with a girl whose name is just her surname backwards, and for a time I was really weirded out by it. But in the times I’ve seen her she really owns her name and never looks bothered by it, so I quickly stopped caring.

Which charity or charitable cause is most deserving of money? For me it would have to be organizations for animal welfare.

What TV show character would it be the most fun to change places with for a week? Post-El Camino Jesse Pinkman. I wouldn’t want to live through his chaotic shit  from Breaking Bad, but his fate after El Camino is something I’m super envious of.

What was cool when you were young but isn’t cool now? Flip phones, Blackberry phones, Roshes, Frappuccinos.

If you were moving to another country, but could only pack one carry-on sized bag, what would you pack? Phone, laptop, their chargers, important IDs, some of my favorite tops and jeans, underwear, essential toiletries, wallet, a family photo, a journal and pen, earphones, certain knickknacks to remember Gab and my dogs by. Minus the clothes, all of these are pretty tiny so I think these would all fit in the bag just fine.

What’s the most ironic thing you’ve seen happen? I don’t know. I’m not really a fan of rating the most/worst this and that stuff in my life, either. I feel like I unnecessarily rack my brain too hard for them when I take surveys to have a chill time.

If magic was real, what spell would you try to learn first? Probably something that’d keep my dogs from dying.

If you were a ghost and could possess people, what would you make them do? No thanks. I’d be the chillest ghost tbh, I’d like to just sneak up on people’s business and hang out but never interfere in them.

What goal do you think humanity is not focused enough on achieving? Climate change, global warming, alleviation of poverty. Corporations and the few people who actually have the power and money to change things only ever come up with short-term shit like donations and never look at the big picture. What problem are you currently grappling with? So many personal ones. But just like the recurring theme of my surveys so far, “I don’t want to get into it.”

What character in a movie could have been great, but the actor they cast didn’t fit the role? As much as I love Kristen Stewart, I heard she was cast as Princess Diana for an upcoming film and I’m not really feeling that decision. They could’ve gone with a British actress for starters?????? The movie is still in production but it is pretty annoying to think about lmao.

What game have you spent the most hours playing? Probably GTA: San Andreas as a kid.

What’s the most comfortable bed or chair you’ve ever been in? Luxury hotel beds are always so fluffy and comfortable.

What’s the craziest conversation you’ve overheard? Omg one time at a coffee shop Gabie and I sat beside this older couple that obviously was going through some heavy SHIT. There was a lot of animosity and tension between them and I caught the lady silently break into tears a few times. I never overheard anything but then again they sat in silence for hours until the lady finally walked out on him. Never knew what it was about but I’ve always guessed that the man did something crappy, like cheat, and was discovered. It was a really sad sight and a crazy situation to witness and I think I felt even more sorry because they were obviously in their 50s or 60s. I hope the woman is in a better place now as she looked rough as fuck that evening.

What’s the hardest you’ve ever worked? I wore a lot of hats when I was in my college org, and that was on top of balancing my acads as well.

What movie, picture, or video always makes you laugh no matter how often you watch it? That scene from Friends where Ross plays the keyboard for Chandler, Phoebe, Monica, and Rachel.

What artist or band do you always recommend when someone asks for a music recommendation? It depends on what music they’re into and if I have actually have a recommendation in mind for them. I obviously can’t suggest Paramore to someone who mainly listens to metal.

If you could have an all-expenses paid trip to see any famous world monument, which monument would you choose? I’m down for any monuments that are super ancient like Stonehenge or the Pyramids of Giza.

If animals could talk, which animal would be the most annoying? I’d go with frogs, but only because they get annoyingly loud in the evening.

What’s the most addicted to a game you’ve ever been? Playing The Sims, Mario Kart, Rock Band, or games in the Burnout franchise.

What’s the coldest you’ve ever been? Japan was so fucking cold when I was there. Didn’t do my research and ended up being dressed poorly, and I was so cold I could barely talk to my parents or fully enjoy my time. Sagada was also nearly unbearable in the early morning.

Which protagonist from a book or movie would make the worst roommate? Not from a book or movie, but BoJack Horseman. Diane can also be in the running as I always found her too whiny. I get that she had her personal shit to deal with, but I don’t think living with her would be good for my own sanity and mental health.

Do you eat food that’s past its expiration date if it still smells and looks fine? It annoys my chef dad to death that I don’t lol. No matter how great it looks, I’d bounce. I once ate expired Kit Kats that tasted like cardboard and that scared me off of expired food forever.

What’s the most ridiculous thing you have bought? I once bought a stupid novelty soap that to this day I’ve never even opened. It’s in one of my drawers, and I plan to just throw it out at some point.

What’s the funniest comedy skit you’ve seen? Not a fan of these but one that got to me is Dear Sister from SNL.

What’s the most depressing meal you’ve eaten? A few years ago there was a local breakfast place that offered red velvet pancakes for a limited time and I was all over that crap, so I went and ordered. The actual pancakes ended up not being any bigger than my palm, and I remember not being able to hide my disappointment once the server placed the dish on my table haha. I felt so scammed. I had to order something else to feel full, because those pancakes were stupidly small.

What tips or tricks have you picked up from your job/jobs? One of my superiors, when she was presenting a pitch to our director yesterday, kept asking questions and picking at the director’s brain so that she can get suggestions and answers straight from the director herself and so that she didn’t have to do any brainstorming anymore. I thought that was a pretty nifty and clever hack.

What outdoor activity haven’t you tried, but would like to? Hiking a mountain!

What songs hit you with a wave of nostalgia every time you hear them? Umbrella by Rihanna feat. Jay-Z.

What’s the worst backhanded compliment you could give someone? Idk, anything can be the worst depending on the context. I’m not a fan of giving those, though.

What’s the most interesting documentary you’ve ever watched? Unsolved Mysteries’ Dupont de Ligonnès episode was a lot of fun to watch.

What was the last song you sang along to? I think it was Thinking of You by Katy Perry? but I’m not entirely sure. I haven’t sung along to anything in a while.

What app can you not believe someone hasn’t made yet? I don’t really download and use a lot of apps other than the basic ones, so I don’t care too much.

When was the last time you face palmed? Last night.

If you were given five million dollars to open a small museum, what kind of museum would you create? I’d give it away to the Martial Law museum currently being made near my university so that it can do more to show the atrocities of the Marcoses. And so that I can piss off my pro-Marcos relatives.

Which of your vices or bad habits would be the hardest to give up? Uh hating myself, if that counts.

What really needs to be modernized? Public transportation systems in this country.

[cbmification]

Big Brother Sims: S01E04 - Chaos Is My Middle Name

Padma: Good evening and welcome back to one more episode of Big Brother Sims. Last week, power struggle over backdooring or not the main target led to some animosity to appear inside the Power 7 alliance. Will that be enough to see them crumble? We’re about to find out.

Esme: The votes were announced and everyone’s eyes had already turned towards me and Kalani. We simply could not understand how that happened.

Cass: I simply cannot understand how have I become such a huge pawn. And why are Esme and Kalani constantly trying to get me out? I don’t get what I’m doing wrong.

Chris: You know, I haven’t been very happy with how things are going on with the whole blaming the girls thing. My plan was to play a honest game and I haven’t been doing that. It’s time to change.

Chris: Dani, listen up. I have to tell you a secret. 

Danielle: Sure, C. You can trust me.

Chris: Well, that’s exactly it. You shouldn’t trust me. I’m hoping this will help me gain your trust again. 

Danielle: Go on...

Chris: You know those votes Cass has been getting? It’s coming from Tommy, Jared and up until this last week, myself.

Danielle: WHAT?!

Chris: It was always a plan to split you guys up, but I’m not comfortable with it anymore.

Danielle: Man, was I pissed! How dare they underestimate our intelligence like that? And trying to take out King and Jazz, probably my two biggest allies? I won’t let it go this easy.

Jazz: They what?!

King: I can’t believe it...

Danielle: I swear, guys. And it all adds up to how they have been behaving lately.

King: This changes everything.

King: How dare they go behind my back and try to betray me like that?! But that’s perfect, because I like my friends close and my enemies closer.

Tommy: Chris, can you get me a spoon?

Chris: ...

Tommy: Chris?

Chris walks away.

Tommy: For some weird reason I feel like Chris has been avoiding me like the plague. And I don’t know what could it be... Should I be worried?

Swamped The Houseguests must transfer water from one jug to another jug at the end of a slippery lane. There are three jugs - one that awards the HOH position, one that awards $10,000, and one that awards safety for the week. The Houseguest that fills the HOH jug first will become the new Head of Household.

Jazz wins safety for the week and Kalani wins $10,000. Oddly, Danielle is very fast at finishing the HoH jug, which surprises both King and Esme, the ones coming right behind her.

Danielle: Man, what the hell did I do? So clearly I was trying to throw comps as I always do. But then I thought: Well, 10000 bucks wouldn’t hurt, would it? But this dumbass right here filled the wrong jug and ended up as the HoH while trying to throw the comp. I simply do not know what to do with myself.

Jared: Honestly I couldn’t be any happier. The Power 7 keeps on winning and we are about to mop the floor with the competition.

King: So we all agree with putting up Esme, right?

Danielle: Yup, as promised.

Tameka: Ugh, it’s gonna be so good! I love it!

Danielle: As for the pawn, I’m thinking of putting up Kalani just to leave Cass out for a week.

Jared: It’s not like the pawn really matters this week.

Jared: We’re golden. Esme is going up against Kalani and soon the biggest challenge threat on this house will be gone.

Danielle: You know, as I saw that amount of people inside my HoH room, I kind of had an epiphany. Like, this is a game for a million simmeons. We can’t all be winners. I got voted into this house promising one thing and that thing is what I’m gonna deliver: girl power. 

Danielle: Guys, I’m gonna let you in on something. I’m planning to take out Jared this week. For everything he’s been up to lately.

Jazz: What? Are you sure this is the right time?

King: Yeah, please, don’t play too fast too soon.

Danielle: I don’t think this is too soon. This is actually the perfect time, when they’re not expecting it.

King: No, I’m telling you. Don’t do this or you will regret it later.

Danielle: What? Is this a threat?

King: No, I’m just saying. This is not gonna be good for us.

Danielle: I’ll think about it.

King: Danielle is playing with her heart and this is pissing me off. She’s not thinking straight because of this whole vendetta. Esme is the right move now. But I gotta pretend I agree with whatever she says. I mean, I’m not crazy.

Danielle calls the houseguests to the living room as it’s time for the nomination ceremony.

Danielle: I have nominated you, Jared and you, Tommy, for constantly conspiring behind mine’s and the entire house’s back. 

Jared: What the hell?!

Tommy: ...

Danielle: Jared, you are my target because not only do I think you are the mastermind behind this scheme, but I also think you are fake, conveniently befriending people only when it interests you and very, very arrogant. There, I said it.

Jared: This is not over, girl.

Tommy: I can’t believe this is happening. Our plan was perfect, there’s no way in hell she could have figured it out by herself!

Jared: I wouldn’t let her get away with this so easily. So I obviously went to the HoH room as soon as the ceremony was over to try and figure out what had happened.

Jared: How dare you not only nominate me but try to make a fool out of me on TV?

Danielle: What? You’re the one who has been pretending to be this nice singer persona from the get go, asshole!

Jared: I knew I should never have trusted some trashy girl like you?

Danielle: Who are you calling trashy, D-list celebrity?

Jared: What did you say?

Danielle: Did I stutter?

Jared: You realize this is the end of the road for you, right? Game over.

Danielle: Oh yeah? And why?

Jared: Cause the house is gonna side with us, I’m sure of it.

Danielle: Really? So how about I call them in here?

Danielle: So, girls. You wanted an explanation for why there have been some random votes involving the two of you? These two here can explain.

Cass: What?!

Esme: Are you kidding me? That’s so dirty!

Tommy: Man, we should have just let it go...

Jared: Shut up, Tommy.

Danielle: I never wanted any of this power, but now I love it!

Cass: I am furious! I almost went home because these two don’t know how to play like decent human beings!

Esme: I was so pissed when I found out about why me and my original allies were being hunt down. But forget that, this is not the time to be sad. For the first time in forever, no Silent Assassin is on the block.

Esme: I know you pulled your strings to keep me here and I’m so thankful for that.

Jazz: No worries, babe. It’s not like I did much, really. But you can count on me and Dani whenever you want to.

Esme: Thanks, I’m sure I’m gonna remember that. And I owe you guys one.

Esme: Jazz is just such a captivating person. I love her. She has this aura, I don’t know how to put it... There’s some kind of energy that pulls people towards her. It’s truly magical.

Tameka: I’m not happy with everything that went down, that’s for sure. How dare Danielle use me like that last week to get who she wanted out, out, and then now, when it’s time for her to do her part of the deal, she backs down completely.

Tameka: Can you guys tell me what was that all about?

Jazz: Tameka, calm down, we can explain.

Tameka: I AM CALM! What I’m tired of is being left out of everything by you two. Did you guys forget what we promised to each other right here?

Danielle: I...

Tameka: I see it. Well, just give me some time. I’m a little hurt.

Tameka: Danielle takes me for a fool. Now I’m sure of it. More than ever. But I gotta find out how to play this smart or else I’m gonna get screwed real soon. Unfortunately, I think I’m gonna have to drop Jared in order to survive. With Tommy we can win comps and take them all out one by one.

Tameka: Guys, first of all I’m really sorry. And I swear I’m with you, and not them.

Jared: Sure, but how can we trust you...?

Tameka: They don’t let me in on any of their decision making and I’m tired of it. Apparently this all started because of something Chris told Danielle. And then they decided to betray our alliance without consulting me.

Tommy: I mean, it’s pretty obvious that Chris double-crossed us because of how he’s been acting. But for them to aim at us right now...

Jared: Ok, Mama T. We are really gonna need your help. But you gotta pretend you’re still with them.

Tameka: But they’re hanging out with Esme now, and after what she did to me...

Tommy: Hmm, about that-

Jared: See? That’s why you can’t trust them.

Jared: It’s good to see that at least someone in this house isn’t playing like a total fool. I don’t know how I can survive this, but I sure as hell am going to try.

Tommy: Kalani, there has not been a single person talking to me for the last few days. How do you deal with this?

Kalani: I don’t know, man. I just sit out here in the open. Usually take care of the plants, look at the water.

Tommy: You’re a little weird, did you know that?

Kalani: A good kind of weird?

Tommy: A good kind of weird.

Kalani: Tommy, he’s pretty fun and carefree. I think he can be a valuable ally going forward with his challenge strength. I just enjoy realizing that, step by step, I’m slowly becoming friends with most of the people in this house just by socializing. What a change, right?

King: So Kalani came up to me and told me that Tommy went to her to talk about life and stuff, but I know that’s all game. So I’m gonna talk to him and try and figure out what is this about trying to take me and Jazz out of the game.

King: So, how you feeling, man?

Tommy: Not great, really. But I’m getting used to it.

King: So, I gotta be honest. Chris told Danielle about you guys trying to gun for me and Jazz, is that for real?

Tommy: What? No way! The whole voting for Cass thing was just to make the girls not trust each other. I mean, we’re Secret Squadron till the end, right?

King: Sure, of course. I knew there was some kind of misinformation there. Danielle may have made this up to get us against you guys.

Tommy: Yeah, totally.

King: Ugh, look at myself in the mirror here... My hair is a mess. Can you lend me your hat later?

Tommy: Sure, no problem.

King: Do I believe what Tommy is telling me? Of course not. But I need him to be by my side, because when these big targets go for each other, I’m gonna need shields like him. And nothing better than this sudden bond with Kalani to get him saved this week.

King: Listen up, Kalani. We have to focus on winning this veto if we get picked. We gotta get Tommy off the block and have Danielle put Tameka up since she’s been so passive aggressive towards them. If we get Tameka out, the people who hate each other will still be in here and gunning for each other. At the end, only you and I will be standing.

Kalani: Ok, I get it. I guess.

Kalani: I’m happy with going with whatever King says. All I wanted in this game was an ally and having one like him is just perfect.

Danielle gets everyone together for the veto selections.

Danielle draws Houseguest’s Choice and chooses Kalani as someone less likely to win.

Tommy draws Cass and she immediately shouts.

Cass: Oh, how ironic!

Cass: I laughed my ass out, honey.

Jared draws Chris.

Chris: ...

Candy Counter The Houseguests each stand in their individual booths. Each round they are required to estimate the amount of a certain candy-related item. Once they all reveal their guesses, they must decide to 'stay' and play for a point and risk elimination if they are the furthest from the correct answer or to 'fold and move on to the next round. The first Houseguest to earn 3 points or the last Houseguest remaining will win the Golden Power of Veto.

Kalani messes up and ends up as the first one out. Chris and Danielle are really competitive with Tommy and Jared, but none of them realize that Cass easily gets the 3 points and defeats them all.

Cass: I can’t believe it! Not only is this my first win, but it’s also exactly when the two guys who have made my life hell are on the block. There’s zero chance I’m taking either one off.

Jazz: A funny thing is, this whole thing began because Jared and Tommy were so scared that the girls would get together. And now look at us! We’re more united than ever and it’s all because of them.

Jazz: Like, do you guys realize how great this probably is for the girls at home? Seeing good examples being set by us here?

Cass: You’re so right, I just can’t see us being on the wrong here.

Esme: Yes, it’s just gonna be such a powerful message!

Tameka: I’m just there standing with them while they spew the whole girl power thing with my best fake smile. You gotta understand, I’m all for women empowerment. But these girls are playing like fools. Total incompetents. If they were my employees, they would all have been fired by now.

Tameka: OH MY GOD, YOU’RE SO FUNNY!!!

Danielle: ...

Cass reunites the houseguests for the Veto Ceremony.

Cass: This certainly doesn’t come as a surprise, but I have decided not to use the power of veto.

Cass: Looking at their faces while I denied their only shot at staying in the game? Golden. It was like taking candy from little kids.

Jared: I can’t believe this is it. I’m just beyond pissed my game is over because a guy could keep it in his pants.

King: You know, I’ve realized how close and happy all the girls are. But honestly? I’m not happy at all. I never wanted any of this to happen. I told Danielle that. So I decided to talk to Jared to get any info he may have. He was my first ally in this house, after all.

King: So... The whole getting rid of me and Jazz thing?

Jared: I swear to God, specially because you’re my first ally here. It was all Tommy. I had nothing to do with it.

King: He says otherwise. You wonder why?

Jared: I know how I can guarantee you it was all him. He actually overheard you and Jazz in the HoH room talking about a final two deal.

King: What?!

Jared: Yeah. And he immediately told me and Chris. And that’s how it all started and why we wanted to make sure the girls were weakened.

King: You’ve gotta be kidding me. That lying son of a bitch.

Jared: That was my last pitch. If it works out, it works out. But I’m not hopeful. Besides, what could King really do in this situtation?

King: You know, chaos is my middle name. I’m pissed at Tommy for going around telling people something that did not concern him and put my game in jeopardy. And I’m also pissed at Danielle for going against me when I specifically told her not to put members of the Power 7 up. If she wants to shake up the game, I’m gonna step in and shake it up some more. As the vote is coming up, I don’t have much time to do something.

King: Kalani, would you be willing to vote for Tommy?

Kalani: What?!

King: I know he’s your friend now, but you gotta hear me out.

Kalani: I’m just so confused at this point. We were saving Tommy, now we’re sending him home? I don’t know what I should do. I really think he’s gonna be useful for me going forward.

King: Obviously only Kalani and I aren’t gonna be able to take him out. So, to evict the great gambler Tommy, nothing like a good gamble, right?

King: Girls, I know you’re friends with Jazz and Dani and won’t want to go against them, but I need you to think about something.

Cass: Go ahead.

King: Jared has had multiple fights with Danielle now and he’s clearly against her. By keeping him in, the conflict they have will keep them from working together and let the two of you remain safe. If Tommy stays, he’s gonna go under the radar and at the same time stay a comp beast.

Esme: Oh God, no... I don’t think this is a good idea.

King: I know we don’t have much time, but please consider it...

Esme: It’s so good to have a little bit of power in this game. But at the same time, I feel like I have no idea if making a big move like this is the right thing.

Esme: So what are we gonna do?

Cass: I mean, he’s got a huge point with the whole keeping the conflict in the house.

Esme: But I don’t want to go against Jazz and Dani after they just helped us out this week...

Cass: Girl, I know. I loved that the girls got all together. But what we gotta remember is that we are still the underdogs here. We’re the ones outside of any alliance. We gotta make what’s best for us and us only.

Cass: I hope what I told Esme was enough, but I’m not sure she’s very happy with this plan. As for myself? I’m the happiest I’ve ever been in this house.

Kalani: The vote is coming up and I have no idea where anyone stands. This vote is pure chaos and there’s only one person who really knows who’s going home. And that ain’t me, bitch!

Padma: Hello, houseguests. It’s time for another eviction. And remember! After tonight, we’re going to the jury stage of the game, so you gotta think very carefully about every step you take.

Tameka: I unfortunately vote to evict my dear friend, Jared.

Cass: I gladly, gladly vote to evict Tommy.

Jazz: I vote to evict Jared.

Esme: I truly hope this isn’t a mistake. I vote to evict Tommy.

Chris: I hope we can go forward with the more honest players. I vote to evict Jared.

Kalani: I vote to evict Tommy.

King: It’s funny how we get ourselves into these spots, right? I know you won’t see it coming, but never, I mean, NEVER, come for the King. I vote to evict Tommy. By the way, thanks for the hat. This is what I call a social game.

Padma: The votes are in. And by a vote of 4-3...

Padma: Tommy, you have been evicted from the Big Brother house. Please grab your belongings and say your goodbyes.

Danielle: What the hell?!

King: Hehehe...

Tameka: This can’t be happening...

Tommy: ...

Padma: Let’s hear it for Tommy!

Padma: Tommy, I gotta say, you certainly don’t know this, but King led a last minute power move to get you out. Do you know why he did it?

Tommy: He probably caught wind of me trying to get him and his girl out. I gotta say I respect the move, but I don’t know how he’s gonna make it to the end now. And damn... He did all of this while using my hat. I got so bamboozled I didn’t even remember to get it back.

Padma: Now that you’re out and just missed out on jury, who are you rooting for?

Tommy: My partner in crime, Jared. Or Kalani, I guess. That would be a wild ride.

Next time, on Big Brother Sims…

I can’t deal with an alliance where there’s zero trust. I’m done with him.

Is this what winning feels like? I wish I could have tasted it sooner!

See?! This is why we shouldn’t have gone for our own alliance first! Our game is over and it’s all because of you!

[ofwraiths]

✦ PROCHNOST OOC QUESTIONNAIRE ✦

Adelaide: What is your biggest passion?

Though I’d never consider turning it into a career, I love cooking. For me, it’s a form of self-care and I’m glad I’ve been able to contribute more time into cooking good food for myself during quarantine. I’m also extremely passionate about accessible healthcare and hope to land a career influencing public health policy. 

Alexei: Who is the most important person in your life?

My significant other! From him, I’ve learned a lot about confidence and determination. He’s legitimately one of the hardest working people I know and he all around just inspires me to keep striving to become a better version of myself. 

Anastasia: Tell us something you would really like to learn.

I’ve never been able to do a cartwheel ??? It’s a rite-of-passage that I completely missed out as a child. Someone please teach me! 

Antonio: Have you ever gotten into a fist fight?

Nooo. I wish I had  just for the clout. 

Dimitri: What is your spirit animal?

A piplup. hehe.

Evelina: What is your favourite drink?

A large classic milk tea from Ding tea, zero sugar, less ice, with golden boba.

Francesco: Are you a good secret keeper?

Okay time to expose myself !! To be honest, absolutely not and that’s mainly because I tell my s/o all the tea. Yes, I’m that kind of person and I’m not too proud of it.  

Gabriel: What is your biggest vice?

Procrastination + laziness. Things build up on my plate that I keep pushing off and in the end it just makes even more work for me. 

Irina: If you could embody anyone in the world, who would you choose?

I want to be someone -- literally just anyone -- who could eat a shit ton and still have abs. There has to be a person like that in the world, right? Exercising is just too much work, ya’ll. 

Isaac: What is the most luxurious thing you own?

My laptop?? I don’t really own and name brand items. 

Ivan: Do you tend to hold grudges?

Oh god. I try my best to forgive people, I really really do. But sometimes I just feel really weird around them?? Like I become standoffish and just can’t be myself around people who have wronged me unless I fake it. 

Kalev: What is the one character trait you like most about yourself?

uhhhh I’m really good at making powerpoints :^) 

Katia: Would you consider yourself an optimist, pessimist or realist?

I’m a nice healthy blend of optimism and realism.

Leonard: What is your biggest guilty pleasure?

Laying in my bed. And chocolate. Scrolling Tiktok. I’m a simple girl. 

Masha: Is there something you’ve always wanted but could never have?

Height. LMAO. I’m tired of being 5′2. I can’t reach anything!!!!

Mateo: What is the most insane thing you’ve ever done for somebody else?

My love language is acts of service so I’ve done my fair share of insane things for others hahahah One time, my friend got in a car accident and needed a ride to work. They lived 25 minutes away from me in the opposite direction of my workplace. For 2-3 weeks, I woke up at 6am, picked them up, dropped them off at work 20 minutes away, and then drove an extra 10 minutes to get to my work. I also picked them up after work. Never asked for gas money.  

Raven: If you could choose one book to be mandatory reading, which one would it be?

Farenheit 451 by Bradbury or the Metamorphosis by Kafka. 

Rozalie: If today was your last day on earth, how would you spend it?

Eating a lot. Chilling a lot. Having a massive existential crisis. 

Ryker: What is your favourite game to play?

League of Legends, Nine Parchments with friends, Stardew Valley if I want to waste time, and the Sims 4 if I feel like living vicariously. 

Sebastien: Tell us something you believed as a kid but now know is false.

Oh my god. For some reason I was convinced that people were always watching me. I didn’t know who. Sometimes I thought it was the government, sometimes my friends... Anyways, I always made sure to randomly smile and wave at something random in case there was a camera hidden in it. It was weird. I was nuts. 

Sofia: What is your biggest pet peeve?

 When people cut me off mid sentence :< 

Tanya: Would you consider yourself to be a very ambitious person?

I’d think so. I have a lot of long-term and short-term goals for myself. I know I work really hard on the things that I commit to. 

Theo: What is your favourite conspiracy theory?

Australia isn’t real. 

Theresa: If you could live anywhere in the world, where would you choose?

I’d love to live in a condo with lots of windows and a really nice kitchen  in the middle of a city like Seattle or Toronto. Next to a nice grocery store and a grassy park with lots of trees.

Yelena: Do you prefer to be a leader or rather a follower?

Leader. hehe. 

[evwuniverse]

Virtual Relationship Experience: How I went back to the same guy in 2020...

As touchy as this subject can be for not only me but other individuals just keep in mind these are my experiences and what I’ve experienced and seen through a lot of individuals in online gaming and virtual world relationships.

It’s easy to see the appeal of virtual world and online gaming relationships. You already have one common interest with the individual. Of course it all starts out as friends because you’re hanging out playing whatever game or virtual world together because you enjoy each other’s company. However, sometimes emotions get the best of us and that can always move forward. From experience I’ve had some successful and some non-successful online relationships and I’ve learned something for every experience I’ve had with each online relationship that I’ve developed. I’m a casual MMORPG and virtual world casual gamer all in all. I’ve seen success stories where individuals actually do connect so well that if they plan to meet in real life or technically have a long distance relationship it works. But more times than most you might not be that one lucky individual who finds exactly that and sometimes you don’t even want more than just someone that will enjoy a common interest with you. This happens and I’m experiencing that now with an individual that I indeed do have a virtual world relationship with. I wanted to share one of my experiences with all of you since this guy is someone I’ve had a past with before now. I want to show all of you how the feelings a human feels clouds the judgement of that individual setting unobtainable thoughts and ideas that will either never happen or a .01% slim chance.

I met this individual on Second Life and let’s be honest just like real life you find some real winners. But, to be fair it’s a nice place to meet some new people and make FRIENDS. I don’t suggest relationships on Second Life unless you personally know the person in real life and go into this virtual world together. A lot of the people on this virtual world are nice to have around for good conversation depending on the individual but for the most part finding the man of your dreams is more something for bumble or a dating app and even there it’s hard to do. With that being said, this guy and I became really close we decided to start as just virtual and online and to be honest I was 100% okay with this. We cared about each other and just connected we had something special and the connection was so strong. But as we know with relationships in reality every individual has their flaws and with time we started becoming comfortable with each other and he started to show his full force. During this time I also still lived at home, was going through school, tried to juggle friends and family, and chores so I could stay at home. I had a lot going on for me at the time and now I’m adding a relationship onto this. Being a naive teenager at the time I agreed to take the relationship into “real life” so basically just a long distance relationship. This was just not working out for me he was extremely clingy and always wanted inappropriate picture and would push me for them even when I wouldn’t give them and told him how uncomfortable I was with the idea (no I never sent nudes nor would I ever). Everything with him was starting to get into a very very intimate circle I just wasn’t ready for. He was lonely in real life even I knew this so I tried to be around as much as I could but even if I was in class he’d turn around and when I didn’t respond within 1-2 minutes of a text it was;

“hun?”

“are you there?”

“Why are you ignoring me?”

“Did I do something wrong?”

“What did I do to you to hate me?!?!”

“Why don’t you love me as much as I love you?”

“Where did you go?”

“Ah...well...guess your busy”

The list goes on and on but these are just a few I’d receive during that time while in class or having to do things with my family or when I was going out with friends. My phone would blow up with text messages from only him and it was getting out of hand.

In Second Life at the time I was very well known by most of the Second Life population. I don’t know why but I was...I had many friends and was a huge part of family Role-playing which I loved! I basically was playing the sims with better graphics that ran faster in a virtual world setting with real people I could talk too. During this time I was part of a Second Life family that I’ve been a part of for about 10 years. During this time when I was with this guy I’ve seen them maybe once a month if at all when I used to at least talk to them everyday. Every time I came on he wanted to be with me just me. During this time I he would guilt trip me if I wanted to talk to anyone consistently kept asking “am I not good enough? your never on and when you are you don’t want to just spend time with me.” Keep in mind I’ve spent nothing but time with him. If I wanted to go visit friends and family he would make me feel bad which would either stop me from going or he would make me feel bad and take him with me. I was never alone and I never really enjoyed the virtual world anymore. People saw I was in an emotionally abusive and clingy (on his end) relationship when I’m clearly a very independent person. Things were just not going well and my phone blowing up consistently just became the last straw. We ended up breaking up and I felt so free!

Now jump to the future so today in the year 2020 he came on after two years and I came on. After not talking to each other he made the first step and told me hi. So being nice I responded. My feelings for him were still there and his for me were eh I think there. He was in a relationship with this one girl who wasn’t into the same things he was into and just wanted companionship which is understandable because this guy feels immense loneliness. So, you know its understandable that if someone likes you to just go for it even if it’s not the best relationship to be in. He claims he wasn’t happy in it but he must’ve been a little bit because they would in front of me talk about how much they loved each other and cared. Yes to be honest it did feel like a setup like he was trying to get me back and yes in a sense I was getting a little jealous it was working. But even then I kept my composure and thought back into the past and remembered why I left the first time. Needless to say they broke up because this girl even though he didn’t have proof everything he told me led to it basically she cheated. The relationship overall, was just unhealthy. So because of how jealous I was he asked me if I just wanted to be online and try again. I accepted and explained it’s just going to be online it’s just going to be virtual. Because I did want to go out and meet people I’m still very young and just want to see what’s out there right now for me I didn’t want something in real life. To be fair with me just starting my real life career (and loving it) and juggling more than I was back then I couldn’t handle real life. Everyday I have to tell him now I’m not looking for real life we’re not real life. I told him I was just looking for a companion to spend time with and explore Second Life with when I’m not busy. He’s starting to become almost stalkerish. He asks where I am all the time when he sees me on even if he’s at work he comes on and gets mad when I’m not talking to him. Like I’m trying to have fun and do what I want to do. My time with you is 1-2 hours a night at the end of my night so I can share myself with everyone this includes online friends and family and interior decorating and blogging which are things I enjoy in my virtual life when I can go on. We will see where this goes but hes always pushing real life and pushing a lot on me that I don’t want or feel comfortable with it and it all leads to going into a real life relationship when he knows I don’t want that. So, we will see what happens with this but right now even though I enjoy his company and like him this is taking a downward spiral very very quickly. We’ve been dating a month now.

I’m leaving this relationship soon if things don’t get better within the week and there isn’t a firm grasp or understanding. But if you ever feel like your in a relationship where you don’t feel comfortable or you’re getting odd vibes for one reason or another and you give it a chance and it still isn’t getting better then leave. It’s not okay to be in a relationship even just in a game where the guy doesn’t support what you want. If it wasn’t what they wanted they shouldn’t have started a relationship with you. You aren’t doing anything wrong by walking away from something that isn’t making you happy and feels more like a chore then something lighthearted and just overall, loving.

I hope you enjoyed this post and I’ll see you all next time.

[fearfearer]

i have caught up with the magnus archives.

when i started listening, i started a text file to note down any thoughts/confusion/analysis/jokes i had as i listened. i isolated a few bits of it into standalone text posts that i already posted, but here is the whole thing, my long-form liveblog

thoughts on the magnus archive as i listen

jonny sims gives an impassioned performance of someone's statement-- a diegetic impassioned performance, as we witness it being interrupted and resuming-- and follows it up with his own judgement of merciless doubt. classic. why the impassioned performance? he's just a nerd. i dearly hope this is the fandom consensus

every episode ends at the perfect volume to which i have adjusted it, and then i start the next episode and it blares in my ears. i think the volume of the intro must be like 1.75x the volume of the rest

*makes a serious effort to listen to and remember the name and date at the beginning of the statement recording* *forgets completely within 2 minutes*

i saw a fanart of gerard keay and learned [1] that he must be a good guy after all, since they drew him lookin cute, and [2] that his name is not, in fact, jared key. what, am i supposed to be looking at the transcripts? understanding names properly? in my defense, jonny sims clearly articulates "Jared" when he says it. maybe i'm not as good at decoding british accents as i thought. [footnote added in later: ok good i'm not the only one who hears "Jared" and thinks "Jared" instead of "Gerard"]

when gerard keay was described as having numerous eye tattoos on his joints, obviously my first thought was, "including the ankle? so he's count olaf?" because that's definitely a way count olaf would disguise his eye tattoo: by tattooing eyes everywhere else too and becoming The Eye Tattoo Guy. anyway this is part of why i was not at first inclined to think favorably of gerard keay

"The first thing about this statement that makes me dubious is that it comes from a fellow academic." if you know shit fuck you

it has come to my attention that there are ships. makes sense... after all, everyone in every fandom is horny af*. i'm not in deep enough to ship yet but naturally i'm keeping an eye on it

*horny af for depictions of intimacy, sexual or otherwise, but mostly sexual

definitely feel like i need to be writing down every name i hear because they're never not cropping back up but for now i'll just let it all wash over me

so sasha has been replaced with not-sasha, huh? pretty sure. though i'm not good at distinguishing voices. but that sounded pretty different, and my listening comprehension wrt that table isn't that bad. <<as time passes i doubt myself more and more on this point but not enough to go back and listen again

"You believe me?" "Yes, I think I do." (smashes button labeled "CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT" and a loud buzzer sounds)

IT'S MICHAEL!!! i hope michael is a long-term good guy... he's not seeming like a good guy right now... he says he's mostly neutral. vaguely recall seeing a tumblr post about michael in the recent past but that didn't give me any hints and i don't remember it well anyway. michael's voice is good though. good laugh

i'm not good at visualizing characters based on descriptions, let alone based merely on their voices, so the only image i have in my head of jonathan is a furrowed brow

i'm on episode 49 and i don't like jonathan's distrust of his colleagues... i don't understand why his immediate suspicion was that gertrude's murder was an inside job. hasn't he just learned firsthand that the institute is not impenetrable? it's not inconceivable that someone could enter and shoot her and leave. especially when it took place in underground tunnels connected to unknown locations.

there's a good Old Lady Voice Combo on episode 62

so agnes montague was heavily cursed... that's my conclusion after episode 67

elias seems to tell jonathan to "get some sleep" a lot. though it IS generally good advice

episode 70, 9 minutes, 41 seconds: jonny sims's cell phone goes off in the background

small brain: ghost ship medium brain: ghost train galaxy brain: dirt train

i wanted to see if there was fanart of michael so i looked it up... i might as well have googled "blonde slenderman"

sweeney todd mentions tally: II

for some reason, hearing michael described this time as "a tall man with curly blonde hair and an unnerving laugh" puts an image in my head without my consent, and that image is chris fleming. now, he's not quite blonde, is he? but that doesn't change my casting decision, which is now set in stone. hope he does a good british accent

"YES i know what a meme is."

why is melanie the first/only one to notice that sasha is now not-sasha? is it because she is experienced in firsthand paranormal encounters (whereas the archivists are experienced in decidedly SECONDhand paranormal encounters, save for the worm debacle)? oh, my question was answered handily in the next episode. ok.

the replacer definitely limits its glamour to everyone except one person just so that it can be amused by the distress and confusion of the one person who can see the truth. that must also be the reason it chooses a completely different appearance. it surely COULD replace a person with their exact likeness; it just uses another face for fun, and to be satisfied that it can get away with it.

this table has appeared in like 10 episodes... Guess It's Crucial

jonny sims yelling while swinging an axe. jonny sims goes through michael's door (eyes emoji)

the idea of the replacer killing jonathan and not even replacing him brings to mind "AT LEAST RIDE IT YOU ASSHOLE"

wasn't expecting to hear from leitner at this point... he's dropping tons of lore here. too much lore. so much is happening. i have to say i kinda like it better when the stakes are not quite so high as this.

so at the end of season 2, tim and martin believe that jonny sims killed this guy, who they probably don't know is leitner... and we the audience believe that elias, now almost certainly a double murderer, has very quietly stabbed leitner to death. do i the audience believe it? i'll keep an open mind for now. things are not always as they seem. except when sasha was replaced with not-sasha, which was exactly as it seemed. [footnote added in later: looks like elias being a double murderer was exactly as it seemed.]

so jonathan sims is the name of the actual guy voicing jonathan sims. it's a cecil situation. so are they someday going to go back and retcon every episode to change his name, like with palmer/baldwin? or does jonathan sims just not mind being a character as well? as long as it doesn't devolve into RPS i guess it's fine. if there's fanart of jonmartin i hope it doesn't depict them as their actors bc that's too close for comfort to RPS

there's been a truly hellish c*ndy cr*sh ad that has played like 40 times between episodes and i'm pretty well convinced to never ever play that curséd game

elias has some serious blackmail for daisy, huh? that's heavy, having police characters in fiction who do extrajudicial killings. life imitates art imitates life

"i'm not on drugs or anything. ...what? i could be on drugs!"

he said "ample opportunity" but like "amplopportunity" with emphasis on the "plop"

it was obviously elias who delivered the statement to jonathan in hiding, because he knew he would record it despite not being at work... bc he's a nerd

so if gerard keay has eye tattoos, does that mean he also serves the uhh the observing or whatever? [verdict arrived at later: no he just has those because he's cool. or because his mom tattooed him. ok almost certainly the latter.]

"what do i feed it?" obviously you feed it filled up cassette tapes, jon... nothing has ever been more obvious

it's okay that jon very stupidly burned his hand to a crisp. you don't need even one hand to turn on a cassette recorder. you can do that with your nose

so if these people who are wax figures serve the desolation, and not-sasha was spending time at the wax museum, does that mean there is a connection between the replacer and desolation? i think that would make sense, since both seem to enjoy making people feel bad feelings. also i'm starting to think that agnes was not actually cursed, but that would mean she burned that guy on purpose after being nice to him... was she just really selfish in that way? using him to experience Dating and mutilating him when he crossed the line, so she punished him as a cruel goodbye? or just building up his hopes so they will be even more fun to burn down when the time comes?

"perhaps doing a bit of mindless filing will help distract you." honestly that is something i would like to do in real life... i do enjoy a good mindless task. though doing mostly mindless tasks 40 hours a week is not a fun time for me lately. but it would be better if i didn't have to listen to bad radio at the same time

what?! the friendly midnight acrobat described in episode 90 sounds totally non-threatening and i hope there's fanart of it. was that gym just jared the bone turner helping people live their twisted athletic fetishes?! [footnote added in later: YES! god i hope people draw these turn-boned creatures optimized for their gymnastic of choice. show me a person who remade their body specifically for the balance beam]

so the power endowed in the archivist by the viewening is that when you sit them down across from someone they want to interview, that someone will invariably spill SOME beans and think it was their idea. maybe? [footnote added in later: yes.]

ok so Michael "The Distortion" Michael, of fractals and golden ringlets, has specifically tormented this other michael, lichtenberg michael?

jon is clearly moved to ask questions by an external force because he's a sensible guy who would not try to ask questions when daisy is holding a gun on him

i think basira has precisely the same accent as estelle... or maybe just a similarly staccato way of speaking (or of line-reading)

[episode 93] elias: (holding jon's face between two pieces of bread) what are you? jon: (sigh) the archivist...

well, they did something i didn't expect them to do with this show: create a compelling in-universe reason for jon to read statements aloud. because obviously until now there was none.

jon did the cockney accents. (insert emoji for indescribable feeling)

here's the purpose of the pit: if we all climb in the muddy pit together at night, the earthquake will only jiggle us gently and no one will be inside collapsing buildings to be crushed. it's only logical

ok i was gonna say this before but why is jon still at georgie's house??? he's not on the run for murder anymore, right? he has an apartment with all his stuff in it, right? [footnote added in later: i still don't understand why it was like this.]

i will confess that usually once the credits start to roll i zip to the next episode, but this time i zoned out a bit and it's really funny that jonny sims reads out "Rate and Review Us Online" in his archivist voice

a third michael. this one is probably already dead though. unless distortion michael takes over this guy's body or something. oh, jon came in at the end of the episode to say precisely this.

was episode 100 mostly improvised? if so, that would be appropriate. but i wouldn't put it past them to write every stuttering bit of those four statements

MARTIN...................................................................................................................................................... (typed this as martin gave some of his own money to the lady who expected payment for a statement)

i'm skipping 100.1 through 100.5 for now... just for now.

ok so michael is michael but not lightning mike michael, and two of these michaels are dead, but one is something that has never been alive nor dead. got it

everyone's morality is much more gray than i at first anticipated. the only people who seem to be solidly and earnestly on the side of good, as much as possible, are jonathan and martin and basira and georgie and maybe tim?

so michael just died and was overtaken by pseudo-helen? neo-helen? ok. that's kinda too bad, as i enjoyed michael's terrible laugh and unpredictability. but the feeling of michael being revealed as having been michael shelley feels somewhat similarly disappointing (but a bit less staggeringly groan-inducing) to when the mysterious koro-sensei in assassination classroom was revealed to have been a twink in his past. because of course he was. (that's when i stopped reading that manga. too precipitously dumb to sustain my suspension of disbelief.) it's like, ok, you had an interestingly mysterious character going on, but having solved the mystery, what interestingness is left? not much. fortunately this was resolved by promptly ending the existence of this michael and instead introducing new and improved helen

ooh martin has the asky ability too huh? nice [footnote added in later: he only used it this one time, and i'm wondering if they did that and then forgot and decided that jon is actually the only one with asky ability.] [[another footnote added in much later: How did i manage to mistake jon’s voice for martin’s voice? How?]]

the way martin said "kumo ga tabeteiru" in episode 110... alexander j newall does not watch anime

"I'm a book." ~Gerard Keay, 2017

it was a few episodes ago now but i noticed that when jon clearly articulated "Jared" referring to gerard, elias was like "Jared? you mean Gerard Keay?" (pronouncing it like "Gerard.") there is definitely a disagreement between these two (actors) about how to pronounce that name

the eye, the spiral, the end, the stranger, the lonely, the desolation, the slaughter, the vast, the buried, the dark, the corruption, the web, the flesh, the hunt.

Q: why would anyone want one of these rituals to succeed? A: it's their fetish. it's their sexual fetish

ok time to make up names for each possible apocalypse. these are the real and true names according to me, who knows such things: the eye - the viewening the spiral - down the drain the end - the really end end the stranger - oh wait we know this one. it's the unknowing. the lonely - the alonening the desolation - Out of the Frying Pan, Into the Lightless Flame the slaughter - world war all the vast - the expansion the buried - the grand lahar (or the Smothering) the dark - the extinguishment the corruption - the Great Rot the web - the spidening the flesh - the smorgasbord (or the Eatening) the hunt - come and get it

gerry said there was no dark god of indigestion, but i can tell you from personal experience that there is. though it's true that there is also fear involved, so maybe no separate pantheon is necessary

i sense that there is a battle between people who say it like "gotta get myself oriented" and "i feel disoriented" (as feels correct/natural to me) and people who say "gotta get myself orienTATed" and "i feel disorienTATed," and this podcast falls SQUARELY on the latter team. they've said it like 20 times

idk why he has to be such a dick to helen. jeez

the guy who coded his mind into a computer, which of the 14 was that? the corruption? the stranger? gotta be the corruption, but that doesn't fit perfectly with its rot/bugs aesthetic...

speed -> speeding -> sped. heed -> heeding -> hed. thus i decree

in my dream i listened to a whole episode of this show, narrated by gertrude, and i was like "whoa this is cool" and i went to write it down but i was still in the dream and writing doesn't work in dreams :( also any successful writing in dreams doesn't transfer to real life paper :( the only snippet i remember: “...in his white mouth, which had known only bread...”

"I, uh..." Jonathan Sims, a thousand times, 20XX

martin's job is PLAINLY to distract elias and elias barges in like "martin. i see you're trying to distract me." and martin's like "maybe i am!"

o, jonny took a breath. that's good

he wasn't hooked up to an EKG or anything? you spend long enough with no heartbeat that they're just like "i guess we can turn this off"

this episode about philosophical zombies sounds a lot like that NPC meme from a year or two ago... and it makes me kind of uncomfortable, the way this person inspects others to determine whether they are True Minds or Impostors based on their emotional expressions, their eyes... because i don't always do the correct or appropriate expressions, and would someone judge me as being a non-person who is trying and failing to imitate human emotions?

i generally don't enjoy ships that have more-or-less explicit canon support, but i can't say jon/martin isn't good

melanie blaming jon isn't right... no one had a better plan to stop the unknowing, did they? (they didn't!) didn't all of them agree on the plan and understand that they might die? (they did!) she's just imposing survivor's guilt upon him because he survived for supernatural reasons. but it's not like he eagerly embraced his new supernaturalness, or even asked for it outright! i think she's being unreasonable. i didn't like her insistence on trying to kill elias either, even though elias is a huge dick. what's with her?

wait, peter lukas is the lonely? (meme where calculations and equations whiz past me)

jonathan baa'd

oh, see. the bullet is making melanie act without reason. i get it now. can't say i think they had the best approach to getting the bullet out, but all's well that ends well (???)

martin is being prohibited from talking to jon >:I martin is on a first-name basis with peter lukas >:I...

martin grumbles, "i don't like being manipulated..." while obviously and continuously allowing himself to be manipulated

jon is afraid of and uncomfortable with what he's becoming, at least to a degree, right? but he seems to be going about his duties (i.e. feeding the eye) with vigor and without reluctance. is he really that motivated by his own desire to know and understand? who is he doing this for? is the eye's influence on him so strong that "doing what the eye wants" seems to manifest as what HE wants to do?

"He'd place it over the one he wore already, and he would larf and larf and larf" (from breacon’s statement... just heard it like this for some reason)

deep water could be the domain of both the buried and the vast, because you could lose yourself in the vast ocean, but experience the physical effects of being buried under thousands of feet of water...

so tom han was an avatar of the flesh but he ultimately died after being tortured by the spiral... right?

"we're not people, though, are we? not anymore." close enough, i'd say.

jonathan has deployed THREE "I, uh..."s in episode 131 alone and i want to smack him in real life. FOUR NOW. JON. JONATHAN SIMS THE REAL ACTOR. LISTEN... quit falling back on your "I, uh..."s. and if they're written into the script i'll punch whoever did that too. total of five in a single episode. never utter "I, uh..." again

i hope whoever's throat is okay after doing bone turner voice for a whole statement.

jonny sure needs saving quite often, doesn't he.

peter lukas being a slightly chipper advocate for becoming a follower of the lonely is very strange

neil lagorio and his whole cinematographic history is made up but they namedropped kevin costner, who is real

VERY, VERY GOOD laugh at 23:44 of episode 136

melanie getting her session recorded... i was doing audio transcription for a while and you'd definitely come across bits of therapy-type sessions that very much seemed like they should have been confidential.

i wonder if the eye ultimately turned its back on gertrude and allowed her to be killed. if jon could survive a collapsing building, could gertrude not have survived a couple of bullets? wouldn't the difference be the protection of the eye? [footnote added in later: of course now i see who turned their back on whom.]

i'm somewhat heartened to learn that agnes montague was, in fact, a heavily cursed individual, though she seemed to have embraced it to a degree... and she wasn't made of wax.

i like that jon now includes helen in his office politics briefing

basira's like "Edmund Halley" and jon's like "Halley's comet?" (like “Hale-ey”) and two minutes later jon's like "Edmund Hally" (not "Hale-y")

"What's this?" "OH... That's, uh... that's... my rib..." "Right." (tiny clunk of rib being set down)

so giving a statement puts a curse on you... or is it "having a statement extracted / being compelled" that puts a curse on you? and the resulting curse, the fear it reawakens, is that good for the eye, or is that good for the powers that initially caused the fear?

well, i heard a homestuck reference in one of the patreon names at the beginning of an episode, and who is surprised? of course, i'm not one to talk

episode 144- the english think their summer is bad... as a professional "hot weather is bad" person, i feel doubtful, because if the sky is grey, it is not as hot as it Could Be, and therefore one should quit one's bitching

first statement about the extinction... interesting. but hearing martin be a jerk to daisy makes me sad :(

the powers never tell avatars exactly what they need to be doing, but that's just concerning the means. the ends are always clear: the power gets fed. and all of the powers feed on fear. also jonny is horny for statements. i hope, but also doubt, that his harmful behavior is at least partially the spider's doing. oh, i see now that it's not. yeah.

jon wants to eat fresh and delicious statements produced just for him, instead of reconstituting the dusty old statements already in the archive

episode 148 - samson stiller gets a crush. but in all seriousness, is he becoming an avatar of the eye but like, not institute-related? is that a thing? i guess that would make sense, but still seems weird

episode 149 - considering ring -> rang -> rung, we seem to have stumbled upon spin -> span -> spun, and the compasses gently span around (9:40)

does martin have loneliness powers now? it's sad that he is getting lonely... as a lonely person, i know.

the lady on TV in episode 150 was just speaking simlish.

i really want jon to overcome his urge to forcefully take statements because i want to be able to root for him still

british podcasts really have a leg up over american podcasts, at least among american audiences, purely based on their interesting and varied accents

i can't say the gravedigger's envy doesn't make me myself feel like going to sleep in the cold dirt forever. but bad depression lately is also a factor, so

jonathan having to settle for reading already archived statements instead of harvesting fresh ones is exactly like a vampire (not the kind detailed in this series) who has to choose between hunting people to suck their blood or drinking bags of donated blood from a (near-endless) stockpile. there's an ethical choice with a clear right answer, but the urge is also understandable

jon following up gertrude's tape with just "fuck" was really good. now he's like "ok martin. let's run away together"

spent all day at work thinking about how i can't fuckin believe the first thing jon did when he heard how to escape the institute was to go tell martin like "there will be a great cost, but... we can elope now"

also if tim was still around jon would tell him the way out and he would do it right then and there, i'm 100% sure. like before jon was finished explaining tim would be like "the eyes? (grabs scissors) got it. (does the deed)"

earlier today i was just thinking that we would almost certainly hear gertrude's death on tape, especially given that we now understand tape recorders are wont to turn on autonomously whenever something important is happening. anyway then i came home and heard gertrude's death on tape

peter, as an avatar of the lonely, is easy to play like a cheap whistle because as someone who clearly hates spending time around other people, he is not keen to the symptoms of being played.

elias is like "you'll have to go into the lonely to get him" and jon's probably thinking "but then at least we'll be in the lonely... ~*~*~together~*~*~"

i think martin's whole thing for most of the series has been that he sounds a little doofy, for lack of a better word, and people constantly underestimate his intelligence. and now he has played peter lukas like a cheap whistle and forced me to realize that by taking for granted that he was being successfully manipulated by peter lukas, i too was underestimating martin... and his pure love for jon <:3c no but seriously i even remember explicitly making a mental note to remember that martin is smartin but it fell by the wayside as my emotions (of sadness that jon and martin seemed to be growing further apart) took precedent

i work a non-verbal job just doing mundane tasks and that gives me all the time in the world to think about things like "if they were to have jon and martin reunite in a tearful embrace, how would you convey the physical contact in an audio format? like, whap? soft thud?"

jon enters the lonely and voiceover peter comes in to try and factcheck the ship

i guess it makes sense that peter would try to do the ritual for the lonely all by himself

did he kill peter by asking him to death? or did peter just self-destruct rather than be forced to answer?

the way jon snapped martin out of the loneliness just by making him look at his face... that's powerful. as a lonely person, i know that the most cry-making thing you can realize when you feel alone is that another person is, in fact, there with you

martin went for a walk and now it's thunderstorming. i wonder if he came back as soon as it started raining and now he's standing nearby invisibly as jon reads the intimidating magnus statement. ...I GUESS NOT

i plan to read through the transcripts of all the episodes (as it’s faster than re-listening, though i might selectively re-listen) so that i may better understand some things and answer some questions in this post that i didn’t ultimately resolve. i can’t say i was paying 101% attention all the way through. also april is very far away

[adambombvilivus]

Confession: I once broke into a friend’s house with malicious intent

 and it involved jelly sandwiches

Okay, so first off, I want to keep things vague and anonymous, since I don’t want this former friend to be connected in any way. Now, it’s been a good few years and more since this happened, but I’m still very paranoid and nervous and, as I hope you’ll understand from reading, traumatized from it. It was a pretty strange saga of events on my end so I would appreciate you read all the way through before judging me please.

To give the best background, I’ll start from the beginning of knowing this guy. We met in middle school, sixth grade I believe; we weren’t friends for about a year but we shared common friends and often sat together so we just got along in time, of course. This guy, this kid, seemed pretty normal in every way, for a middle schooler. Well, “normal” among my friends and I, but we were misfits who just gathered at our own spot since we didn’t really belong to a group identity. At least that’s how I saw it, but I don’t know what the rest of them thought. We got along pretty well, finding out we shared common taste in games and music and shows we liked, and he was one of those friends, I thought, you could always trust to be real with when needed. We weren’t best friends but he was cool when it mattered.

Okay so here’s what you’ll find weird, probably: every single day, without fail, I kid you not, all anyone ever saw this dude eat was jelly sandwiches(not even peanut butter & jelly, just jelly. I always assumed it was strawberry jelly, but I never asked). All he ever said about the sandwiches is that he really loved jelly and it was homemade. I would’ve thought that someone in the faculty or something would’ve stepped in, since I knew teachers knew about it and thought it was a bit strange and unhealthy too, but he claimed he didn’t mind it at all and he seemed in good health all the time, minus regular illnesses. Not that I mind jelly sandwiches, but personally, I can’t eat something every day for more than a couple weeks in a row without getting fully sick of it for a long time, but hey, everyone is different. Oh, and I nearly forgot to put it in here, but  he had mentioned the red room all the way back then, just a couple of times. Once or twice he brought it up in conversations where we were talking about making houses in The Sims games, and he said something about this “red room” in his house that he really liked. He never described the red room, because apparently it was one of those things that was ‘embarrassing to talk about at school’, but he said it was cool and I’d probably like it if I ever saw it.

I’ve never been good with locations and addresses, so it took me until midway through high school to find out from some random situation that he had been living only a few blocks away the whole time! Both of us had lived our whole lives to that point in these homes, so that was funny to me. Since we enjoyed a lot of the same games and I had never really hung out with anyone outside of school before, I thought it would be cool to just walk over to his house and hang out for a few hours and play stuff. He seemed fully down for it and after I told my mom where he lived, she was fine with me going (I was just only 16 and it was late in the year, so it was getting dark early). Getting to his house was easy since we would just go a certain way from school that I had never walked, but it was in the neighborhood and I knew the area. That first time hanging out at his home was awkward for me but nice; we talked more than I had anticipated, about a lot of things around growing up with divorced parents and annoying older siblings and all, while he showed me some of his collections. We played games on his GameCube which I had never tried before, and his mom offered to feed me dinner, but I politely refused since we were going to have steak at home haha.

I went home and had my dinner and said I had a nice time, and that was all, nothing strange that time. When I got into bed that night I kicked myself for forgetting to ask about the red room he had mentioned years ago! I only had that little bit more to make me want to hang out again and it could be another fun thing to do or talk about, so I figured I’d bring it up the next day. He seemed pleasantly surprised that I remembered it after the years and wanted to show me next week if I came over again. Jump to that next visit, walking to his house and all, mostly the same until we had a quiet moment, and the thought came back for me to ask about the red room. He perked up and said something like’ “ooooh..right! Yeah right down here”. Same door as any of the other rooms in his house, nothing strange from in the hall; I was nervous but excited, the way you would be at anything small and silly but with years of mild curiosity behind it.

Okay, pause for a second to imagine the weirdest thing, realistically, you’d expect to see from something called “The Red Room”. I’m expecting you’ll probably imagine, like I had, that his mom just had a room where the walls were red and everything was colored red and it was some kind of hobby or something, maybe with neat art inside or whatnot.

I promise you, this...was not that.

Seriously, what my friend did was open the door, lightly push it all the way open, and walk back to his room and shut his door back closed, all without a word, but I only ever thought about that fact in following years. What I did notice first, however, was naturally, the red, but I’ll give you extra context:

First: the room was totally empty. When I say totally, I mean totally. Not so much as a small piece of forgotten trash on the carpet. It looked like the barest room of a freshly built house.

Second, the room was just a square, just a box. No closet door or sliding door, just the four equal walls.

Third, maybe the strangest of these three: Never before had I seen a room in a home with neither windows nor power outlets, or a room light on the ceiling, I don’t think.

When I say this room was just four bare walls and carpet, that is not an overstatement in any way whatsoever. I just want you to know how serious I am about everything I say here, and it’s important you really take that in before you continue reading.

Now, for what I noticed first. This room, whose doorway I was only standing in, must’ve been called the red room because of the red lighting inside. I say lighting instead of light, because I feel that more accurately conveys that there were no actual lights in this room. It wasn’t red like from a lamp, not like a glow, but similar to the way a sunset can make the outdoors look completely orange. A subtle but sure red, that lit the room like  2 o’clock sun, but there was no window, and even if there was a window, this was during the winter where it gets dark by 6 pm. If you know me, you know I am a coward and so obviously, this is uncharacteristic of me to do, but I’m guessing that I was simply in shock from anxiety to walk away. I walked into the room and I heard this sort of strange buzzing. Putting my ear against the wall, I still heard the buzzing, not much louder, but also vague machinery noises. I’d think with all of the How It’s Made I used to watch, I’d have an idea of what I heard, but nah.

Now that I had a moment to let myself absorb the oddity of this place, I turned around, walked out of the door, closed the door in the most gentlest way, walked down the hall, downstairs, and out of the front door. Like my friend, I said nothing. I was too stunned to walk home fast, I think; I mean, I was traumatized from this. Maybe it’s silly, but I’m a coward. I can’t remember much else from that night since my mind couldn’t focus on anything else. I don’t think I told my mom about it. I don’t think I slept that night or was even able to sleep. Maybe it wasn’t scary but sometimes you just have an experience that just gives you a whiplash being what you are ready to process. I hope you understand.

Just so it’s out there, I’ll go into the boring bits that I’m sure you can infer. Of course I never spoke about it. It’s not like I saw a murder. A story of a weird blank room is one thing, but I can’t tell someone that a room was illuminated by some paranormal red lighting. Yeah, I’m serious and able to open up now, but some teenager isn’t going to feel secure with being as honest-to-god as they can be and being doubted and made to feel crazy. I was already quiet, called weird, not very socially secure my whole life, maybe you can relate. As for that friend and I, well I can’t remember exactly the way we were the next day, but I think it was something along the lines of him saying he hoped I had fun and acting totally normal as before. I didn’t mention the room. I didn’t mention the room at all to anyone since this. I never went back to hang out with him again and he never asked, to my relief every day. We stayed friends through school like normal, although I had the added gift of a little well of anxiety every time he approached our group, sitting down with us eating his jelly sandwiches and joking around about stupid shit that I hate myself for laughing at and saying back then. I think other people noticed me being a little more nervous and distraught than I had been before, but nobody, even at home, ever asked what was on my mind. Most days I had only one thing to tell them regardless.

That is just how it was for a couple of years until graduation. On the last day of school he randomly told me that he hoped we could stay in contact or hang out again sometime, and I just let out a “Heh, yeah that’d be cool yeah.”, but we haven’t spoken or seen each other again after that day. Maybe the odd text counts as communication, but it never held my interest. One time out of nowhere, he texted me a jar of jelly emoji, which I never responded to; only today did I check and noticed there is no jar of jelly emoji on my phone. Neither of us had moved for a few years, so the though of that house being so close to mine that whole time never stopped making me feel uneasy, especially when we would drive near or down his street, and my mom felt like asking about him every damn time for some reason, nearly giving me a panic attack each time. Maybe if I had went to therapy or opened up about it I could’ve started an adult life after graduation, but IMO, trauma never helps anyone grow into a stronger person. Others may be stronger than me in the first place to handle these things, but I’ve never felt that concept.

To jump back into the story though, it was about a year and a few moths after graduating high school. That night still haunted me and, I don’t know, it was just a strange week in my head. I had mustered up this idea to go back but I can’t imagine why. One day after driving down his street, I noticed that the cars at his house were gone from the driveway, and my mom mentioned to me that they had been for a while and they must’ve been on vacation, since nothing suggested that they moved out (their garage was always full of clutter and they never had parked the cars in there). The next day it just came out of my mouth to say that he texted me asking to hang out at his house and catch up from the years, since they just came home from vacation and he said that I would probably like to see some souvenirs he brought home. It was a good enough lie for the time.

I knew I would be breaking in, so I sneakily grabbed a hammer before I left the house just as it would be getting dark. I don’t know why I did any of this. I was haunted, traumatized, I didn’t feel like I could talk, and I sought peace and resolution so badly. I didn’t know where their family really was, but I figured, to hell with it, if the cops show up while I’m there, I’ll tell them to check out that room or I’d plead insanity or something; I spent the past four years or so being very depressed and fixated on this surreal memory, I didn’t really give a shit.

The walk to his house was a blur from being lost in my head, but I got there anyway. I put my hoodie up as cover, but that was about it. I know I wasn’t being discreet, but again, I didn’t really care. I only barely tried the front door, and of course it was locked, so I used my hammer on their window in the front of the house. I’ve always been weak, so it took me a few swings, and being louder than I should have, to get a break, but I did it. Maybe I was too numb to feel how sore my arms were. I cleared the spiky shards around the window and turned on my phone flashlight before climbing and stumbling into the house.

Being in the kitchen, it just clicked to me to think about his jelly sandwiches. Even by that point, that’s all I ever saw him eat. When I had looked back before, I never even saw anyone else in his family eat, but I was only there twice briefly so that never stood out to me. It was almost out of frustration or anger or spite that I wanted to find a jar of his jelly and smash it with the hammer or something, just as payback for the trauma I had been living with.

I opened their fridge to look for that fuckin stuff and I found it.

Yeah I found too much of it. I found a whole entire damn refrigerator full of red jelly. That is it. Same as the room upstairs was truly empty, this refrigerator was full of nothing but red jelly. I wasn’t horrified, I was disgusted. I took a jar out and set it on the counter. Homemade fuckin jelly. The cabinets? All jelly too. Every nook and cranny for where food should’ve been had homemade red jelly. I bet I didn’t even have to tell you that. Heck, did I see any bread for making sandwiches? No, not even a loaf of white bread. Maybe they took it with them to use while away. I think I can remember laughing that they still had standard junk and cutlery drawers, and beneath their sink had everything you’d expect as well. Like a cat, I just slid that jar of jelly off of the counter and watched it shatter. It just spilled out a little liquid, but mostly still gooped up like normal jelly. I was/am so angry that things weren’t weirder than that. Was I an ass for breaking in and being angry over a family that loves their jelly. They had a whiteboard in their kitchen for reminders and such(I saw it mentioned a vacation countdown), and I erased it fully before I took a marker, and I wrote, with much anger and shakiness in my hands, ‘Too much fuckin jelly. Eat something else besides fucking jelly! Fuck you, fuck your family, fuck your jelly, fuck your window, fuck this house, and fuck your fucking boring red room!’.

I dropped the marker on the counter and let out the breath I was holding in and breathed again. I stood there for just as long as I could while the anxiety crept in and I started to shake. Sometime during that standing I heard the creaking of floorboards from upstairs. I grabbed my phone before I even grabbed my thoughts, and thus it was another blur. As I made my way just a very short distance from the kitchen to the front door, I could clearly hear footsteps down the stairs. I do remember trying my best to be quick but also as silent as possible as I left through the door and leaving it wide open. I didn’t speed up my pace nor look back. I just walked home, quite similar to that last time, no more settled or at peace. I think that’s why I have to share the story now, because clearly breaking and entering didn’t help. I didn’t even have the guts to see that room again, and I’m sorry if you wanted to know if there was anything more to it. I got home and didn’t say much of note about what I was up to, or how I explained not being gone for much time, but nothing ever became of it. I never heard of a break-in report or anything. Moving away has been the biggest relief from that place I have ever had, and the only. The only evidence I have of any of this is just what I saw with my own eyes and have as memories. Sometimes you go through things that you just have to accept and live with because you’re a lonely person and are more used to facing loneliness than the pain of distrust and different looks. I just couldn’t stand the silent guilt anymore. I have been living with this experience, but it was hitting a point to where I didn’t want to live at all. I’ll certainly never be able to see a jar of strawberry jelly again without vomiting.

[the-magnus-archives-archiver]

Boatswain’s Call

Case: 0110201

Name: Carlita Sloane Subject: Her work on a container ship traveling to Southampton from Porto do Itaqui Date: January 2nd, 2011 Recorded by: Jonathan Sims, Head Archivist of the Magnus Institute, London

[Archivist (John): Look, Tim, I’d love to discuss this further, but as you can see, I have a recording to do.

Tim: Oh, come on. Look, it’s not a big deal. We just need to do a few of them again.

Archivist: Out of the question.

Tim: It’s just confusing if not. Er, like the garbageman’s statement.

Archivist: Mr. Woodward.

Tim: Yeah, so, you said that Alan Parfitt was reported missing... ah, in August 2009, which would actually be six months after the statement had been given.

Archivist: Obviously it should have been 2008. I misspoke an ‘8’ as a ‘9’. What does it matter?.

Tim: Well, someone noticed.

Archivist: Who?

Tim: Er, Josh Cole – great guy – he’s one of the students using our resources for a dissertation. Um... oh, and here, in Miss Montauk’s statement about her father’s killings. You refer to case, um, 9220611 as case, um, 1106922. Oh, and don’t get me started on the other case numbers around the Hill Top hauntings, they’re a mess!

Archivist: Alleged hauntings. And who honestly cares if I misspoke case 9220611 as 1106922? Another student?

Tim: Well, actually, yes. Um, Samantha Emery – she’s lovely – she’s actually doing a PhD in manifestations...

Archivist: I don’t care. It’s not enough that Gertrude left us with such a pointlessly awkward filing system. Half the time she doesn’t even stay consistent in her own records.

Tim: To be honest with you, er, I don’t really understand the system

 Archivist: Last three digits of the year, then the day, then the month. I don’t know why she did it like that, but I can’t change it now.

Tim: Oh... okay... Alright, so what happens if more than one statement is given on the same day?

Archivist: I... don’t know. It never came up. Was there anything else?

Tim: Oh yeah, just one.

Archivist: Good lord.

Tim: So, in case 8163103 it isn’t clear if Albrecht’s wife is called ‘Clara’ or ‘Carla’ ‘cause you keep switching back and forth...

Archivist: Well, I’m sorry if I found it hard to read a 200-year old letter, written in cursive by a native German speaker. Who complained about that one?

Tim: Oh, it’s, it’s not a complaint. I just noticed actually. Um, look I know you’ve been under a lot of pressure... it’s not a big deal, I just think it might be worth re-recording these statements.

Archivist: No. I don’t have time. I still have a mountain of haphazard statements to get through, not to mention that I need to keep this wretched tape recorder on hand just in case I encounter one of the files too stubborn to work on anything else. And when I do, I have to actually read the damn thing, which is...

Tim (BACKGROUND): Oh, woah, woah... woah!

Archivist: Fine. It’s fine. I just haven’t been sleeping much these last few months, what with all this... worm business. Which reminds me, if you do see Elias, tell him thanks for the extra extinguishers.]

Tim: Oh, yeah. Yeah, sure. It’s getting bad. I mean, Martin keeps showing me his tongue and asking if it “looks infested”. Um. So what do you want me to do about these errors?

Archivist: I really don’t care. Put a Post-It on the tapes or something. I’m not re-recording them. Now if you’ll excuse me...

Tim: Oh, yeah, sure, yep, I’ll let you get back to it. [DOOR CLOSES]

Archivist: Right. Oh, still running? Okay.  Statement of Carlita Sloane, regarding her work on a container ship travelling to Southampton from Porto do Itaqui. Original statement given January the 2nd 2011. Audio recording by Jonathan Sims, Head Archivist of the Magnus Institute, London.

Statement begins.]

I’ve been working the shipping routes for years now, so I know there’s plenty of messed up things can happen out there. You remember the old saying ‘worse things happen at sea’? Well, let me tell you it’s just as true now as it ever was. But I’ve never seen weird like I saw when serving on the Tundra. I didn’t even want the job, really, but I didn’t have a lot of choice. We’d just hit Porto do Itaqui in Brazil in late November of last year when the ship I was on got stopped because of ‘cargo irregularities’. I don’t know what it was. Might have been drugs, human trafficking, might have just been a crooked harbour master looking for a kickback, but it didn’t really matter. Point was I had to jump ship.

This wasn’t an easy thing, though. A sailor’s union should be recognised anywhere in the world, but when it came down to it, my membership of Nautilus, a UK union, meant nothing when I was trying to get a place on a cargo run coming out of Brazil. Didn’t help that I’m a woman. A lot of people don’t think shipping is a job for women. Hell, a lot of people who work on ships don’t think it is. You don’t see a lot of us in the trade, and every ounce of respect I got, some dick-waving asshole probably bled for. But that’s fine, I can hold my own, and it hasn’t been such a problem since I shaved my head. It was enough to keep me on land for a good few days, though, as I tried to find another ship to take me on. Well, that and my bad Spanish.

I’m sure I don’t need to tell you how relieved I was when I heard that a British ship had made port. The Tundra. Now at that point I was starting to get a bit desperate, so I was keen to go to the captain and just about beg passage. Screw my qualifications, if needed I’d sign on as a workaway. I could find a better position once I was somewhere I spoke the language properly.

I eventually found the captain in a small bar in one of the seedier areas of the dockside. I’d been told his name was Peter Lukas, but to be honest I wouldn’t have needed his name – he was the only white guy in the place. Even by those standards he was very pale, weirdly so for someone who apparently lived their life on the sea. He sat there at a small table, completely alone, drinking a cup of black coffee. He was staring into the distance, and didn’t seem to notice anything going on around him. I sat down opposite and coughed.

His eyes only moved a fraction of an inch to focus on me, but it felt as though the movement had the weight of a heavy stone door. Like a tomb. Don’t know why that’s what popped into my head, but there you go. I asked if he was Peter Lukas, and he said, “Yes”. I’d gone blank on what to say next, and it was then that I noticed the silence. I looked around to see that the place was now completely empty. Even the bartender was nowhere to be seen, and the only sound was the whir of the ceiling fans above us. The captain was still staring at me, so I swallowed my unease and began to explain my situation to him. I left out the part about the criminal possibilities of my last ship, but was clear that I was in desperate need of a new post. When I had finished, he was quiet for a few minutes. Then he nodded.

“We have one space. Report tomorrow. At dawn.”

That was all he said. And it was all I needed. The Tundra wasn’t difficult to find when I headed to the docks the next day. It was big, already stacked high with an array of colourful shipping containers. I wondered if they’d loaded it up overnight, as there didn’t seem to be much activity from the crane. It was early, and I was glad I was leaving Brazil before the wet season really got going, as the sky was threatening to break. Making my way through the dock I asked around until I was finally pointed to the mate. He was a short man, heavy set with a thick, black beard. His warm, brown skin was stained darker by a life working in the sun, and he didn’t smile when he looked at me. Around his neck, I saw a chain ending in a small brass ball and stem. It looked like an old boatswain’s call, an antique sailor’s whistle. 

I introduced myself, told him what I’d told the captain and gave my qualifications and experience. The bearded mate listened quietly until I finished. Then he shrugged, and said they were in need of an Ordinary Seaman, and I was welcome to the position if I wanted it. OS was a bit of a step down for me, as I’ve been pulling Able Seaman pay for these last few years, but it was a ticket out of Porto do Itaqui, so I jumped at the chance. The mate still didn’t smile, but he did offer his hand and introduced himself in a gentle Dutch accent as Tadeas Dahl, First Mate of the Tundra. I was surprised, as it seemed a bit abrupt to be leaving, and I hadn’t even had time to stow away the duffel bag that was my only luggage. Still, I wasn’t about to disobey the first order I’d been given on a new ship.

The Tundra was pretty normal. I’ve served on a half dozen ships almost identical to it, and I fell into my duties quickly. We set off almost as soon as I was on board, and it was only later I discovered we were heading across the Atlantic towards Southampton. I was very happy to find that out, as I had assumed we’d be making plenty more stops before crossing back to England. With any luck it wouldn’t be more than a couple of weeks before I was home, and those would be spent in maintenance, repainting and taking watches with ‘Iron Mike’, the autopilot.

So that was fine, but I did start to notice a few things on board which didn’t really seem to add up. The first was the crew. They were quiet. Very quiet. I mean, I’ve been on ships where I was pretty much the only native English speaker, and plenty of people prefer to keep to themselves. Hell, not being too comfortable around people is a damn fine reason to go to sea. This was different, though.

It wasn’t just that they didn’t talk much, they seemed uncomfortable with me. They’d avoid eye contact, and only barely acknowledge me if we were on a shift together. As first I thought it was because I was a woman, but then I saw that it wasn’t just me. They avoided each other just as much as they did me. Meals were always quiet, no matter how many people were eating, and there was no friendly games of cards or chat in living quarters. There was no real conversation in any language. It was like they were doing everything in their power not to think about each other. It took me less than a day of ignored hellos and grunted answers before I fell into line, becoming just as quiet as my crewmates.

The only person who spoke was Tadeas Dahl. The mate would walk among the crew, giving instructions and orders in a dozen different languages, as the crew scrambled to carry out his commands. He was just as composed as he had been when I met him, and it soon became clear that, if he had emotions, he kept a tight wrap on them. He would stride along the ship, his antique whistle swinging from his neck. He never actually blew the boatswain’s call, apparently preferring to summon the crew via the intercom or horn. It just hung there, its polished brass heavy around his neck. I didn’t see Captain Lukas at all that first week. I only knew he was onboard because every meal time the cooks would hand a tray of food to the mate, who’d take it up to the captain’s cabin. We never saw the man himself, though.

There was one crewmember who did catch my eye. He was a young guy, white and, from what I could tell, Scottish. I never really got more than his name out of him: Sean Kelly. He had the bunk opposite me, and we were on different shifts, so I would often see him lying there when I returned from my night watch. He didn’t talk any more than the others, but he also didn’t go around with that blank look on his face. He looked scared. 

There were other odd things about the ship, but hands down the weirdest thing, I didn’t notice until a few days out into the Atlantic. Now one of my duties was to check the deck containers were securely in place, none of the twistlocks or lashing rods had broken or come loose. It was usually just busywork – I’d never been on a ship that lost a container, though it does happen. This shift, though, I noticed something wrong. I saw that one of the lashing rods, towards the stern, had broken. And not at one of the ends, or the twistlock itself, but right in the middle of what should have been solid metal. From a distance it looked fine, new paint shining in the sun, but looking closer I saw that it had rusted all the way through. Not just that, but checking out where the rod connected to the container, it became clear that they had rusted together. Fresh paint covered up most of it, but once I knew what I was looking for I saw it everywhere. The shipping containers, all of them, were rusted in place. How could this have happened, though, if they were being changed over at port? How long had the Tundra been sailing with the same cargo?

I decided I had to look inside. Stupid, maybe. If it was something illegal, they might toss me overboard first and ask questions never, but only if I got caught. And I was just about sick of nasty surprises. 

I did it on my next late shift. I kept an eye on the rest of the crew and waited for my moment. I’d already marked out a ground level container where the padlock had practically rusted off. It wouldn’t be difficult to get it open. It was about 3am when I had my chance. I was alone on deck and the wind was howling loud enough to muffle the groan of the container’s rusted hinges. It took three kicks from my steel toecaps to get it open, but finally I was able to get the door ajar. It was so stiff it took almost all my strength to get enough of a gap to walk through, but finally I could see inside.

It was completely empty. There was no sign of cargo, or any markings or debris on the floor that might have shown there had ever been anything inside. I couldn’t believe it, a transport ship with nothing to transport? It didn’t make any sense. I managed to bust two other containers open, but they were the same. As far as I could tell, every container on the ship was empty. I was still trying to figure out what this could mean when I saw a couple of torches approaching. I almost panicked and ran, but where exactly was I going to escape to? The empty, uncaring ocean stretched out for hundreds of miles in every direction. So instead I swallowed my fear, and pushed the door careful closed, trying my best to hide the broken lock before making my way onto the deck.

I was met by the mate and a half dozen other crewmen behind him. He looked at me for a second, then nodded and told me to follow, then he continued walking. Confused, I headed after them as they made their way around the ship, silently collecting up or waking all the rest of the crew. I started to ask what was going on, but the glares I got shut me right up. Finally, when we had what looked like the whole crew together, we walked over to the lifeboat.

Now we definitely weren’t sinking, so I hadn’t really paid much attention to the lifeboat before, but now I looked at it, I realised it wasn’t what I’d have expected. Most modern container ships have a lifeboat that looks more like a lumpy orange blob than a boat. They’re designed to be quickly and safely dropped into the water and tough out whatever conditions the sea might throw at them. But this was an old fashioned boat, with oars and a winch mechanism for lowering it into the water. It didn’t even look like it had any supplies in it. Standing there in front of it was Captain Lukas, as silent as the rest of his crew. 

The Captain nodded, and one by one the crew of the Tundra got on board the lifeboat. I got on too. I mean, what else was I supposed to do? I didn’t know what was going on and no-one seemed to want to tell me, but I sure as hell wasn’t getting left alone on that big empty ship. So I got in and sat down, as a couple of the crew began to lower the lifeboat into the sea. A few others took up the oars, and as soon as we hit the water, they began to row quietly away from the Tundra, which floated, motionless.

The sky was clear and the wind had died down, so the stars reflected perfectly on the still ocean surface. All the lights on the ship had been turned off, so the world and all the empty horizon was only lit by the moon. As we rowed, I looked around my companions on the lifeboat. Everyone I recognised was there, except for one. I checked each face in turn, but I could see no sign of Sean Kelly, my scared bunkmate. Had we left him behind? Was he still back on the ship, sleeping away ignorant of the fact that he was now utterly and completely alone?

Almost as though he knew I was about to speak, Tadeas gave me a warning glare. The mate reached down and took the old brass whistle from his neck. He pressed it to his lips, and blew.

I have never heard a whistle sound like that. It was shrill, so high and piercing that I felt my hair stand on end, but it also seemed distant. Like I was hearing it from far, far away. I don’t know how long he blew that boatswain’s call for, but by the end, I realised we were surrounded by thick sea smoke. We should have far too far south for it, but it rolled and billowed around the lifeboat, obscuring the Tundra. No-one said a word, but I could have sworn a few of my shipmates were crying.

I don’t know how long we floated there, sat in the dark water, but eventually the fog cleared and the mate sounded the boatswain’s call again, this time a short, sharp whistle. We saw the Tundra, dark and still upon the water, and began to row back towards it. The lifeboat was painstakingly raised and the rest of the crew returned to their positions. Sean Kelly was nowhere to be seen. And I never saw him again.

After that night, the atmosphere on board changed. People talked, and you’d occasionally hear actual laughter on board. Games were played, people drank, and there was this sense of relief to it all. I tried to join in, but got dark looks any time I asked about Sean. At one point the third mate, a man named Kim Duong, told me that I should shut up and be grateful, as it hadn’t been “an easy choice”.

I kept to myself the rest of the way, and left the ship as soon as we landed in Southampton. I didn’t even think about my pay until it came through a couple of days later: twenty-five thousand pounds. For barely two weeks work. I don’t mind telling you, it was almost enough to tempt me back.

Almost.

Archivist Notes:

An interesting statement, though difficult to investigate any potentially paranormal activity, as there does not appear to have been anything explicitly supernatural occurring in this statement. A lot of strange happenings and implicit weirdness, but nothing that can be isolated as a ‘supernatural event’. There’s also the fact that even a casual search of port authority records shows the Tundra is a currently active cargo ship operating for Solus Shipping PLC, a company founded and majority owned by Nathaniel Lukas. In addition to such business ventures, the Lukas family also provides funding to several academic and research organisations, including the Magnus Institute. Much as I want to dig further into this, especially given certain parallels with case 0161301, Elias gets very twitchy when we look into anything that might conceivably have funding repercussions. 

It doesn't look like I’m going to be able to do any further investigations into this. Even though the official crew manifest for the Tundra has remained the same for the last ten years. Even though I can’t find any record of actual cargo being loaded or unloaded into it from any UK port. Even though Sean Kelly disappeared from the port of Felixstowe in October 2010, and his body washed up on the coast of Morocco in April 2011, six months later. According to the coroner, it had only been in the water for five days. Maybe I’ll mention it to Elias. Just in case.

[violetsystems]

#personal

Home has been pretty peaceful lately as opposed to the outside world.  I think I’m getting less sensitive about things when I step out the door or at least how they project back to me.  Opinions about you never really go away.  Sometime that’s fair enough.  They can evolve or dissolve depending on your level of engagement and accountability.  I don’t expect a lot out of people in this city anymore.  If I dwell on the past I get angry and maybe rightfully so.  Expressing that anger doesn’t change the past.  It’s a waste of breath and a poor excuse to raise your blood pressure.  The mind fuck of it all was knowing you did the right thing by clocking out of society.  Living with that decision years later is still perplexing.  It is silent enough behind closed doors where I’m able to sort through my emotions more.  They don’t bubble up to the surface all at once.  I do get triggered, depressed and agitated often.  Life right now is not an ideal situation at times.  They say without struggle art cannot truly exist.  I’m not an artist.  I work at an art school by day.  I have a failed music career to bury at night.  I still post up tracks here for the sake of context.  There’s no way I’d even consider the fight to get back into music and fame.  I have no desire to bring that chaos back into my life.  It doesn’t pay enough for the time spent and I don’t particularly enjoy it anymore.  Kind of like quitting drinking three years ago.  Although I would never even consider drinking again.  It just isn’t me anymore.  What is me is probably most apparent on this blog from week to week.  This space is kind of like home to me.  A place where I can be honest and at least know people will appreciate the context.  It’s a narrative in a vast swarm of overlapping conversations much like life.  It gets passed over more often than you would think.  The deafening visualization of being completely invisible after all this would scare most people.  To me it’s more scary to know why I’m so far off the radar.  I’m a person people talk about for sure.  It is awkward to know that it does nothing for me.  In fact whatever compounded interest I’ve gained from being infamous has broken large portions of my life.  I would argue they weren’t worth fixing so I moved on and evolved into the Tim you know.  The Tim that keeps to himself on the weekends and sticks to the plan.  Whatever plan that is.  I don’t really know right now what is going on with my life.  I know what bills I have to pay.  I know how to do my job.  I know I worry more right now about the cat I let into my home than the news or politics.  And I know it probably shows more about me as a person how I treat the things in my life I care about.  So there isn’t really much to prove except how far I can advance in World of Warcraft before the level squish.  What a great start to a cold brutal winter.

I do continue to enjoy my life.  It sounds so persistent.  Almost like a MMORPG.  Real life sims has me more focused on my cat’s diet than revolution overseas.  Since she’s been inside I’ve found she’s doesn’t take to dry food well.  Most cats don’t.  She threw up just outside the litter box.  She’s been eating wet food more tolerably.  I gave her a bath too so that might have something to do with it.  I left her home two days in a row.  The other tabby still shows up on the doorstep but that’s a more complex operation.  I’m still not sure two cats is the right decision.  She acknowledges the other cat still but generally prefers to stay inside.  She’s makes it a point to trot to the kitchen when I open the door at the opposite end of my apartment.  I try to pay attention to all of this to make sure she adjusts well.  But really at the end of the day I just adopted a stray cat into my life after three years.  The last two cats I had inherited from a previous relationship.  I watched both die.  One was quick.  The other a couple of days.  But I lived with a complex grief for a long time only to have another life waltz back in.  Such is the cycle of life.  Persistent and amazing if you pay attention.  Which might explain how magic in life actually happens.  We focus on so many trivial arguments with no real intention on acting on any of it.  And the real opportunities just drift on by.  I’m right here.  Little moments over the years I seized brought me to this moment in the kitchen.  A living and breathing calico cat sitting at my feet as I write this.  A reflection of what I choose to surround myself with that came out of nowhere.  Another quiet and well behaved presence.  Real recognize real I guess.  I’ve seen a raccoon wandering around gangway.  I’ve held a raccoon in my arms in South Korea the very last time I visited.  I’m not adopting any trash pandas any time soon.  But if you ask me what really interests me and speaks to me you’d know I’m right where I need to be.  Nobody asks.  This is why I love animals so much.  They don’t understand a word you’ve said.  They don’t pretend to.  They have their own language.  English doesn’t mean shit to them.  No matter how many complex words you throw at them.  They do understand the kindness you give.   Human beings are another story.  I am sincere sometimes to a fault.  I think we all can be.  It’s awkward when someone doesn’t realize you were just trying to be genuine.  Because they can’t see genuine in themselves I guess.  But when you’ve been genuine now for decades it’s alarmingly real to know how opposite the world really is.  It is punishing to be ignored.  To watch literal sacks of shit parade around in their greasy ass aesthetics and talk loudly about how great they are.  The great work they do.  They work other people did that they take credit for.  If people can’t see, appreciate and respect your own value it’s like pushing a boulder uphill.  It’s looks strenuous proving your right to breath to people who’ll never care enough to hear your side of the story.  So I just let the boulder roll down the hill and find another grassy knoll to picnic on.  That’s a Robert Kennedy joke.  Or maybe even Oliver Stone.  Way to stay edgy regardless.

I do recognize that people actually value my opinion these days.  I don’t think I would have gotten invited to do product reviews for Japanese apparel companies if they didn’t.  That’s a strange thing to realize you are evolving into.  That people trust my take on things I spend money on.  It gets somewhat annoying in public.  There’s some very real utility in putting the data out there when you write a review.  I write here weekly enough to know I’m kind of reviewing my own life.  My glowing one star rating isn’t a real sell I’m aware.  When you’ve tried so hard to get where you need to be and been largely ignored and picked over it’s easy enough to feel worthless.  But the internet is a persistent and relentless timeline.  It’s hard for people to forget what you’ve done.  They always dig it up years later and throw it back in your face when you run for office.  I don’t particularly have much to hide after all these manual scrobbles into my history.  You’d think people would just know by now.  And maybe they do.  They just don’t care enough to respect anything but themselves.  They misread the results and warp the information.  That’s why I talk less in public.  The public record of passing conversation is very unreliable.  Look at the impeachment investigation.  I keep all my love letters on a private server encrypted twice over in plain sight.  The reliability of the testimony of the only sworn witness being myself.  I’m never going to run for public office.  The most I ever want to be is a father and a loving husband.  For now I babysit cats and try to be a good manager.  If somebody asked me point black what I care about you know how I would respond.  And nobody ever asks I think because they don’t want to hear the truth.  They don’t want to believe I’m on the right track.  What does that say about the rest of society if the best thing for me is to stay indoors, pay my utilities and play Blizzard games in the face of fascism.  I’m still amazed people justify eating Chik-Fil-A in an arts environment.  I’m almost surprised when I call people out on it they just ignore me and continue on lusting after that chicken sandwich.  I buy enough Bell and Evans frozen chicken to know.  But when there’s an excuse to talk about Hong Kong freedom I have to face the music.  Does any of it matter outside the space of the water cooler in reality I’m not sure.  That’s not my place to speak on it apparently on either side of the argument.  I’m a captive audience.  And this probably points to the huge disconnect at the center of all these well meant discussions.  It’s not a conversation.  There’s debate but no compromise.  Just performance.  In hindsight it doesn’t really change the situation at hand.  There are things you can change where you are at right now.  The life you have control over.  That life is my own.  I have made conscious acts to do better.  I live in the wake of that.  I enjoy where it’s brought me.  I don’t think I’ve even started the bulk of the journey yet.  But I’m not going to sit here and be miserable about it.  I don’t have any guilt about the way I choose to live after all these missteps and doubts.  I just keep writing the same old shit until I sound more sure about it.  I’m sure I am enjoying the Mandalorian for the second time in a row.  And I’m sure I’ll be around to tell you more about it next weekend.  Everything else I’m not so sure about will work itself out in time.  That’s not my decision to make.  I have a safe place to wait out the process.  Edgy memes and political jokes nothwithstanding.  <3 Tim

[nikatyler]

Oh hey, long time no replies. And these are the first ones of this year. I have a hard time replying now. It’s not like I don’t have time - I’m doing okay, actually. I mean, I wouldn’t complain if there was less homework, but still. Free time exists. It’s just that I can’t bring myself to replying to either comments or messages...I replied to asks quite quickly though, which is something unusual for me. Usually that’s where I’m slowest. I don’t know, is this another weird anxiety thing? Like I know I can reply, but I just...don’t?

Anyway...let’s get that done now I guess. There’s a lot of these, apologies if something got lost. Maybe it’s my fault, maybe it’s not, all I know is that sometimes my activity feed doesn’t show me everything.

unstablesims replied to your photoset “Vlad the fashion icon strikes again.”

he's rocking that goth TM look lmao

I mean yeah.

unstablesims replied to your photoset “This brings back memories. Maybe he’s not evil, he just wants some...”

he's vv nice to his friends..... the problem is becoming his friend ��

I was going to reply with “if this ain’t me” but...actually once I get comfortable around people, irl especially, I’m awful to them D: (I can quite easily turn into the sarcastic asshole friend and no one believes me until I unleash it lmao) But anyway yeah I kinda can see Vlad to be that way, now that you mention it

#JusticeForVlad2k19

justkeeponsimming replied to your photo “End of the Year Tag 2 This time I was tagged by @justkeeponsimming....”

Ronnieeee!!! Your sims are SO gorgeous! Love love love this!

Aaaaah thank you so much! ♥

dandylion240 replied to your photo “I tweeted this last night but I want to share it here as well because...”

When Ross and Caleb finally got together. I'm still hoping Caleb changes his mind and turns Ross.

If I had replied to this a week earlier, I could’ve used my favourite eye emoji. Oh well. Yeah, it’s good he changed his mind, isn’t it? :D I couldn’t stand the idea of separating them.

jackssims replied to your photo “I tweeted this last night but I want to share it here as well because...”

The birth of Miracle! Caleb, Ross, and Sunset! The high school story and when Miracle and Adam got together as well!

ghkjahfljhk lately (I mean for the past few months) I’ve been really disliking Miracle and Adam’s storyline but for some reason when people mention it, they always say they liked it, so I guess I didn’t do that bad of a job? 

Same with the good old Zoey storyline. Everyone who has ever talked to me about it said they liked it and thought it was interesting, but I’m over here like “gjkfjgfjhg don’t mention that mess to me ever again”.

melien replied to your photoset “Sunset spent the New Year’s Eve by playing sims. This is very...”

I'M LITERALLY DOING THIS RIGHT NOW

I feel personally attacked

It’s fine, we’ve all been there :D

I think I played sims too this year. Well, first we played some board games with my parents, then there was midnight, I cried, went to see the fireworks (while finishing a bottle of wine but I swear I wasn’t drunk)...oooh and then I watched a stream and edited my sims screenshots! Okay so I didn’t actually play but I edited the pics and like...these are still fun new year’s eve plans, am I right?

melien replied to your photoset “Dawn came over and the two spent hours talking about space.”

I love their outfits! Totally would wear something like this

I like Sunset’s style especially. Well, sometimes she wears clothes I wouldn’t, but for most of the time, it’s just comfy fun stuff I wish I had. Especially considering my dark phase is over and colours are slowly coming back to my closet :D

melien replied to your post “I have some random sims I could share. Anyone interested?”

Ohhhh... on one hand I'd always want sims from you but on the other hand I fear I won't do them justice because idk where to use them rn. Dilemma

pls ask

I’m always down for creating sims for mutuals and friends (I just never talk about it), so just let me know when you want one. Also, I’m sure you would do them justice. I’m really not afraid you would fail there. You know I love everything you do, so... :D

melien replied to your photoset “This guy ♥”

Ending 2018 on a high note

The best note possible

simtress replied to your photoset “Caleb: Isn’t it sad that there are so many ways a vampire can live a...”

i love the name caleb...♥

Me too! I’ve liked it since the first time I had seen it in an English textbook years ago.

dandylion240  replied to your photoset “Oh god please tell me I didn’t accidentally have risky woohoo on or...”

It'd be fun to see what their kid would look like.

I agree and I’m surprised I’ve never played with their genetics. smh ron

cafeheart replied to your photo

okay he's hot but this also makes me uncomfy for some reason asfdlkjaj put him back

jackssims replied to your photo

I agree he’s got a hot vibe going, but this just feels wrong tbajfnakcn

It is kinda weird, I’ll admit that (but “reimagining” him was fun). It’s like...taking away Caleb Vatore’s weird emo hair. I admit I’ve done that once but it was just to mock myself anyway. I wouldn’t do it “for real”. Emo hair must stay. Yes it’s dumb, but also, it’s iconic. we stan dumb hair

I’d say this is something similar. I don’t want to say anything about Ross is iconic, but...you get my point, right?

jackssims replied to your photoset “Ross: “Okay, I don’t like this. I have a theory.” Caleb: “I know what...”

👀

The funny thing here is, when I was writing this dialogue, I had no idea what was going to happen later.

jackssims replied to your photoset “Caleb: “I don’t…I don’t ever want this to end.” Ross: “You’re the only...”

Way to dodge that, Caleb

Oh yeah. He’s good at that

unstablesims replied to your photoset “Sunset: I know I said I’d work out today but I really don’t want to…oh...”

mood

An everyday one

alfalfalegacy replied to your photo “Sim Download: Cara Meadows she/her, bisexual Another one. I imagine...”

ahh she's cute! might have to nab her for my private save ;)

Yay, I’m so happy to hear that! :D

jackssims replied to your photoset “Everything about this picture is a big mood. You may tag yourself now.”

Tbh I’m both Caleb and Sunset

Relatable

tiny-tany-thaanos replied to your photoset “Valentine: “Relationships and love aren’t really for me, but attending...”

Ironically her name is ValentineXD

Yup. Exactly. I bet it must be annoying for a person who couldn’t care less about getting into a relationship.

myopiccc replied to your photoset “Sunset wasn’t born to follow the crowd.”

Seriously!?!? I would never know THEY can use an umbrellas clever way! LOL

Lol they sometimes open it inside. Doesn’t seem clever to me :D But yeah, I didn’t expect them to sit down like this.

solarmoodlet replied to your photo “Sim Download: Enric Noel he/him, gay Sometimes a miracle happens and I...”

hes so cute. added him to my save. Tyvm!

Ahhh thank youuu!

tiny-tany-thaanos replied to your post “Simblr 2019 Goals”

I join you with the last point�� I kinda defeated social anxiety irl but the online anxiety stays. And they say shy people can communicate better online!

melien replied to your post “Simblr 2019 Goals”

I third the online anxiety, glad to know I'm not alone

I wish I could say I defeated it irl as well...things got better (mainly because I just had to get used to it and grow a thicker skin) but I’m still an anxious trainwreck 99 % of the time :D It’s the same online. 

Also, instead of actually starting a conversation with people, I’m always like “oh you know, if you feel like talking to me, just send me a message, I don’t bite” but the problem is I know there’s a lot of us like that here and I’m not the only one with this fear of communication so maybe I should be the one to find the courage once

Wow that didn’t make sense but I think that only proves my point that I’m an anxious trainwreck :D

penelope-and-wonders replied to your photoset “You can put the umbrellas away, guys.”

What fun would that be? ��

Oh right, I can’t have a normal wedding :D It’s a universal rule that I should finally accept. Something would be wrong if everything went right for once.

tiny-tany-thaanos replied to your photo “Sim Download: Leigh Smith she/her, pansexual A long long time ago I...”

Omg, I looove her! ❤️❤️

Thank youuu ♥

green-productivitea replied to your photoset “Sunset: “What can I say? Freaking finally. Took you long enough to...”

The fact that she call him dad :O

Yep, she did. I love the relationship these two have.

yamekamerainbows27 replied to your photoset “Sunset: “You’re the woman that said she didn’t want a child, and you...”

Damn Sunset! You tell her girl ��

melien replied to your photoset “Sunset: “You’re the woman that said she didn’t want a child, and you...”

Go Sunset!

That’s what she deserves

sparkiemonkey replied to your photoset “I mean, Sunset was right. Dawn is adorable.”

she is totally adorable

Up until now I was always saying that this legacy has some Good Genes, now with Dawn it will be more like Cute Genes.

unstablesims replied to your photoset “Marcella: “What are you two doing?” Sunset: “Watching the clouds!...”

let them be dorks in peace!! lmao

Exactly!! No reasons to judge

cafeheart replied to your photoset “I would lie if I said I saw this coming.”

yknow if someone didnt have context for your legacy this kinda looks like caleb is murdering ross asdkfbbd

omg you’re right and I hate that you are right

vampcatsims replied to your photoset “Ross: “We’ve taken many risks already and now I’m taking another one,...”

noooo he's going to leave him at the altar god this is going to hurt so much

omg wow this is where scrolling down and reading new ones before old ones causes reaction mistakes cuz omg this is for realsies isn't it?

kyveria replied to your photoset “Ross: “We’ve taken many risks already and now I’m taking another one,...”

@vampcatsims don’t worry, ross has already had someone leave him at the altar so Caleb is going to stay ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

Haha yeah, they’re going to be fine. I think. Can’t promise anything.

jackssims replied to your photoset “Caleb: “I…how can I say no to this? Yes, Ross. Yes, I will.” Ross:...”

Good! I was scared he was going to say no for a second ����

Imagine if he left him and I’d introduce a new spouse now. Or bring back Jordan. Or Marika.

Omg imagine I’d bring her back and she’d get her “happy little family” she claims she wishes for now.

myopiccc replied to your post “ - fave types of movies?”

Such a tense era! I'm a historic nerd too:)

Yeah, I love it! I mean, I don’t actually love it, there were some bad things happening, no freedom of speech and such, but for me, it’s an interesting era to learn about. I also think it’s important to know about these times because in a way, they’re still so similar to where we are now, we really should look back at them and try to not make the same mistakes...sadly, when I look at the situation in my country...sometimes it feels like people forget. Not just people like me who didn’t experience it and have only learned about it in History classes...feels like even people who have been there forget and it’s sad and frustrating and I wish I could do something about it. Okay rant over.

jackssims replied to your photoset “Caleb: “Tell me honestly. Did you expect me to change my mind with...”

Nice! But I swear if this somehow backfires and Ross ends up dying...

👀

dandylion240 replied to your photoset “This doesn’t even need a caption.”

Ross you better not have died!!

jackssims replied to your photoset “This doesn’t even need a caption.”

/ROSS/

ajkfaglafkghlahgfk I didn’t realize this would seem like he’s dying I’m sorry for causing panic fjaklflk

I just thought it was funny he set himself on fire and Caleb is over there like “nooo I agreed to marry this freak I have made a grave mistake”

princessdejamars replied to your photoset “Ummmm”

oh no not again

Yes. Yes again. And yeah, I could’ve left without saving. I didn’t. I was shocked when it happened and once I realized he’s pregnant again...you should’ve heard my hysterical laughter. Something is wrong with me and I don’t like it.

cafeheart replied to your photoset “Dawn: “Not a chance.”

sunset looks scared shitless asdkfjdbdb

"fhlakhfalklahkjjkij she’s kissing me I wasn’t prepared for this what do I do jgljfkjhlaafkgl”

jackssims replied to your photoset “Caleb: Nothing happened…I’m fine…I’m just gonna give this dog a bath...”

That's totally not going to lead to more problems later, Caleb, if anything *did* happen (/sarcasm)

Yup. It’s totally okay to do that.

jackssims replied to your photoset “oh shit”

Oh fuck

alfalfalegacy replied to your photoset “oh shit”

wow

this is wild haha

Basically my reaction

jackssims replied to your photoset “Stella: “Dad, you’re home alone?” Caleb: “I think so.” Stella: “Aw,...”

jlkfdzsjlkfadg She's pregnant, he's pregnant, truly amazing

ikr

That’s a twist I truly didn’t expect at the end of this generation. Not that I’m complaining

jackssims replied to your photoset “Stella: “Anything else?” Caleb: “What? Is there supposed to be...”

/Caleb/

jackssims replied to your photoset “Caleb: “And that’s not all…” Ross: “Huh?” Caleb: “Nothing. Forget it.”

//Caleb//

See Ross and Caleb were made for each other because they both have a hard time learning from their mistakes lol

dandylion240 replied to your post “I WAS HOPING HE WAS PREGNANT WITH HIS FIANCE'S BABY NOT GETTING...”

There's a way to bend the rules. Since Ross will become a vampire. He and Caleb have forever to have a child together. So once Sunset takes over as heir I say anything goes for Ross after that �� but that's just me lol

Ooh, technically that could work! I didn’t even think about that. Good point. I don’t think they’ll have children together but I really do like this idea.

jackssims replied to your photoset “Ross: “Is there anything you would like to tell me?” Caleb: “I was...”

Good! Caleb got the courage to tell Ross

I mean he didn’t really have another option at this point

jackssims replied to your photoset “Caleb: “You’re not going to leave me now, are you?” Ross: “I’m...”

Wholesome Ross (he’s really come full circle tbh)

I kept saying he would get better and no one believed me. There you have it guys, he’s a changed person. Character development! :D

simtress replied to your photo “™¥ ♥”

*eeps! she's too cute1

ikr, I miss her ;-;

melien replied to your photoset “Stella: I can’t believe it’s actually raining on my wedding day. We...”

It's a free riiiiide when you've already paid

Is this a reference I am supposed to get

Because I’m dumb and don’t get it lmao

melien replied to your photoset “Sunset: “Say cheese hair!”

So don't ask how I remember it because I'm probably too invested lol but your theme with red hair/blonde(yellow) hair in gen 3 of every legacy? It continues

Omg I didn’t even realize! Sebastian and Lynn started it obviously, then in my Raven Legacy it was a little “easter egg” but this time, it’s a coincidence (a nice coincidence). I guess I just can’t have too many redheads!

melien replied to your photoset “oh shit”

The ultimate plot twist

The plot twist I normally would’ve welcomed but this time, I actually felt sorry for him. He didn’t deserve it the first time (aka the time I was petty and did it on purpose) and he didn’t deserve it this time either. But still. Aliens. I can’t just quit the game without saving when it has to do something with them, can I?

melien replied to your post “I WAS HOPING HE WAS PREGNANT WITH HIS FIANCE'S BABY NOT GETTING...”

Maybe babies for them perhaps?

Y’all really want them to have kids huh

melien replied to your photoset “Nooooo Rocket :( He’s old now!”

Can Caleb also turn Rocket? Vampire doggo would be fun

Man I’d love if that was possible (even though...I just imagined him biting the poor dog and that’s kinda weird). Buuuut...there’s something else that I did and it’s almost as good.

tiny-tany-thaanos replied to your photo “Sim Download: Minako Ito she/her, lesbian Traits: Good, Loner,...”

All of the Sims you put for download are so pretty! I'm grabbing them all!

Thank you so much ;-;

tiny-tany-thaanos replied to your photo “i was enchanted to meet you”

Aaahh nostalgia!

I knoooow ;-; I love them and I miss them and I want to play with them again

I mean I could, first I’d just have to finish the high school story and that’s...highly unlikely lol

tiny-tany-thaanos replied to your photoset “oh shit”

Aliens are in love with him that's true

New otp: Caleb/Aliens. Oh that's weird

They have a weird thing for Calebs

If you guys know a Caleb irl protect them

If you are a Caleb, well...I’m sorry

tiny-tany-thaanos replied to your photoset “Rocket: Hey I’m old, just thought you should know…oh nevermind what...”

This is somehow sad=((

Yeah. I love this little dog so much :(

[kronos-the-timelord]

Dude, do all of the numbers for that getting to know you better ask! Or half bc 200 is a lot :0

ahhhhhh,, you so nice

1: My name? - Margaret

2: Do I have any nicknames? - maggie, mag, mags, maggles, at one point my friends called me parky

3: Zodiac sign? - libra

4: Video game I play to chill, not to win? - i’ve never been too good at video games (but i like watching ppl playing them) and i’ve only ever had a wii so my sims kingdom was a favorite of mine

5: Book/series I reread? - divergent and pjo

6: Aliens or ghosts? - yes

7: Writer I trust enough to read whatever they write? - @kata-chthonia

8: Favourite radio station? - 103.3 fm, although i mostly listen to spotify now

9: Favourite flavour of anything? - grape and blue raspberry

10: The word that I use all the time to describe something great? - great or cool

11: Favourite song? - a to b by matt hires

12: The question you ask new friends to get to know them better? - it usually has to do with what drew me to them in the first place followed up by a version ‘why do you think that?’ i like knowing how ppl think bc it gives me a better way to start understand their view

13: Favourite word? - aurora

14: The last person who hurt me, did I forgive them? - i can’t really remember, so i dont know what that says :/

15: Last song I listened to? - serial killer by moncrieff

16: TV show I always recommend? - dexter or if they don’t like blood and violence, any of john mulaneys specials

17: Pirates or ninjas? - i liked pirates when i was younger, but ninjas are cool

18: Movie I watch when I’m feeling down? - any studio ghibli or song of the sea

19: Song that I always start my shuffle with/wake-up song/always-on-a-loop song? - lately its been SLUT by bea miller

20: Favourite video games? - i really love boderlands, the art style is great

21: What am I most afraid of? - snakes and failing at something i’ve been saying that i wanted to do my entire life

22: A good quality of mine? - im nice??

23: A bad quality of mine? - im a bit aggressive and im really blunt about things

24: Cats or dogs? - dogs!! I like cats too but i dont know how to interact with them

25: Actor/actress you trust enough to watch whatever they’re in? - he’s a voice actor, but crispin freeman is really cool!

26: Favourite season? - fall and spring

27: Am I in a relationship? - yeah, but it’s long distance during the school year ;-;

28: Something I miss? - my boi,, he’ll be back soon tho

29: My best friend? @keencheckerboard and @memeathon

30: Eye colour? - brown

31: Hair colour? - brown with red and blonde highlights

32: Someone I love? - my mom

33: Someone I trust? - @keencheckerboard

34: Someone I always think about? - @memeathon

35: Am I excited about anything? - finals to be over!

36: My current obsession? - bnha tbh

37: Favourite TV shows as a child? - i loved avatar and ed, edd, and eddy

38: Do I have someone of the opposite sex that I can tell everything to? - to an extent, but i dont tell them /every/thing

39: Am I superstitious? - kind of

40: What do I think about most? - right now, school

41: Do I have any strange phobias? - not really, i mean i overthink a lot of things, but there’s no phobias

42: Do I prefer to be in front of the camera or behind it? behind

43: Favourite hobbies? - drawing/reading/writing/sleeping

44: Last book I read? - i think it was called stung, i actually finished it bc i wanted to complain about it properly

45: Last film I watched? - dumbo, my friend wanted to go see it, it wasnt good

46: Do I play any instruments? - i played clarinet for 3 years

47: Favourite animal? - dogs

48: Top 5 blog on Tumblr that I follow? - @wemakuu @wemakuutwo @keencheckerboard @memeathon @kata-chthonia

49: Superpower I wish I could have? - teleportation

50: How do I destress? - getting cozy and warm under my blankets with the lights off

51: Do I like confrontation? - i can be aggressive so i will be confrontational if i have to but i don’t go out of my way for it

52: When do I feel most at peace? - in my bed with the lights off

53: What makes me smile? - my friends, my boi, and goofy animal videos

54: Do I sleep with the lights on or off? - gotta be pitch black

55: Play any sports? - i played roller derby for 3 years

56: What is my song of the week? - really feeling be by hozier

57: Favourite drink? - …..water…. and a slushee

58: When did I last send a handwritten letter to somebody? - i think last summer???

59: Afraid of heights? - nope

60: Pet peeve? - slow walkers

61: What was the last concert I went to see? - does my high school’s band count???

62: Am I vegetarian/vegan/pescatarian? - nah

63: What occupation did I want to do when I was younger? - ob nurse, i still do

64: Have I ever had a friend turn enemy? - no, i’ve had ppl i tolerated turn into ppl i hate tho

65: What fictional universe would I like to be a part of? - bhna, but i feel the hero drama would get annoying after awhile

66: Something I worry about? - failing my classes

67: Scared of the dark? - nope

68: Who are my best friends? - this is the same as 29

69: What do I admire most about others? - their drive and where their motivation comes from

70: Can I sing? - no ;-;

71: Something I wish I could do? - sing

72: If I won the lottery, what would I do? - pay off my loans and (hopefully) for the rest of my college and then put whatever i had left into a savings account

73: Have I ever skipped school? - yes

74: Favourite place on the planet? - i think the smoky mountains are really pretty and i loved vacationing around them, but colorado was really neat too, so probs one of those places

75: Where do I want to live? - somewhere on the northeast coast!

76: Do I have any pets? - yeah!! He’s a doggo named dageus,,,, here he is,, the big boi!! (hes 121 pounds of love!!!!!)

77: What is my current desktop picture? - something @memeathon drew me

78: Early bird or night owl? - night owl

79: Sunsets or sunrise? - im usually awake during sunset, but sunrise is really pretty

80: Can I drive? - yeah!

81: Story behind my last kiss? - i was saying bye to my boi at the airport

82: Earphones or headphones? - earphones

83: Have I ever had braces? - yeah,, they weren’t fun

84: Story behind one of my scars? - i have a couple little ones from acne on my back but other than that i don’t have any

85: Favourite genre of music? - i think indie rock?? Is that a genre?? Punk maybe????

86: Who is my hero? - florence nightingale,, she was hella cool and i went to her museum in london

87: Favourite comic book character? - i didn’t read a lot of comic books but i always liked spiderman and witchblade

88: What makes me really angry? - when ppl make fun of my friends >:l

89: Kindle or real book? - i like real books but ebooks are nice for traveling!!

90: Favourite sporty activity? - roller derby or skating

91: What is one thing that isn’t tight in schools that should be? - im not really sure what this question means????? But i didn’t like that in my middle school that the behavior coach(es) would already pick sides or would already hate kids that did nothing wrong and then in my high school no one cleaned up after themselves bc ‘the janitors can do it’ :/ it was really annoying

92: What was my favourite subject at school? - english/creative writing and art!!

93: Siblings? - i got an older brother who’s a big nerd

94: What was the last thing I bought? - i went to target last night and i got $68 worth of stuff including planty stuff, food, and gift stuff for my boyfriend’s moms

95: How tall am I? - 5’6” but i will not hesitate bitch

96: Can I cook? - yeah!

97: Can I bake? - yeah!

98: 3 things I love? - my friends/family, animals, and plants

99: 3 things I hate? - slow walkers, rasict/homo/trans/biphobic (anyone who just hates ppl for no reason tbh), and rude ppl >:l

100: Do I have more girl friends or boy friends? - more girl friends,,, i’ve kinda lost contact with most of my guy friends over the years,,,,

101: Who do I get on with better, girls or boys? - i feel more comfortable around other girls now but when i was younger i was okay with everyone

102: Where was I born? - in the cornfields of the midwest (i fucking hate this state)

103: Sexual orientation? - straight

104: Where do I currently live? - in the cornfields of the midwest, i am the creature you’re warned about, don’t walk alone at night

105: Last person I texted? - @memeathon : D

106: Last time I cried? - yesterday,,, finals hit me hard but i feel better now :D

107: Guilty pleasure? - uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh,,,,,, looking at gross stuff,,, like surgeries and sometimes those pimple popping videos,,,,,,,,

108: Favourite Youtuber? - i’ve been watching a lot of gordon ramsay videos lately but i think brandon rogers or sovietwomble are up there

109: A photo of myself. - heres one i took on my break at work

110: Do I like selfies? - no,,, i don’t really like looking back on photos of myself bc i think i just look weird,, like even in my super nice senior photos,,, or baby pictures,,

111: Favourite game app? - does neko astsume count???

112: My relationship with my parents? - it’s p good :D

113: Favourite accents? - i’m not really sure,,, i think just a flat accent, like midwestern bc its the one im most familiar with so its like homey???????

114: A place I have not been but wish to visit? - japan,, nowhere in specific i just want to see the country

115: Favourite number? - 23!!!!

116: Can I juggle? - no

117: Am I religious? - im a polytheist (a bad one, but oh well)

118: Do I like space? - i love space!!!! Its so neat!!!!!!

119: Do I like the deep ocean? - no!!! Its awful!!!!

120: Am I much of a daredevil? - i think my friends think i am, but i dont really think so, i mean i’ll try anything if it sounds fun, but not everything

121: Am I allergic to anything? - not that i know of

122: Can I curl my tongue? - yes

123: Can I wiggle my ears? - no

124: Do I like clowns? - not really

125: The Beatles or Elvis? - a little bit of each

126: My current project? - my creative writing portfolio ;-; its not that hard but im trying to figure out how to get this character right

127: Am I a bad loser? - depends on what i lost in, like if it was a game i didn’t really care about than no, but if it was something that i cared about a lot than yeah

128: Do I admit when I wrong? - i always try to, but sometimes i don’t

129: Forest or beach? - forest,, i don’t like the beach,, too much sand

130: Favourite piece of advice? - it’s not really advice but just the reminder that your current situation is not your final destination

131: Am I a good liar? - i think so

132: Hogwarts house / Divergent faction / Hunger Games district? - slytherin (its funny bc im scared of snakes)/ dauntless/ and i think district 6 (i live in the crossroads of america so yeah)

133: Do I talk to myself? - all the fucking time

134: Am I very social? - sometimes, i am kinda a social introvert

135: Do I like gossip? - i like to hear it but not be part of it

136: Do I keep a journal/diary? - i have a bullet journal and i try to keep up with my habit and mood tracker daily

137: Have I ever hopelessly failed a test? - no, but i have gotten like high d’s and low c’s before that make me sad

138: Do I believe in second chances? - depends on what they messed up on the first chance, like if someone cheated then no

139: If I found a wallet full of cash on the ground, what would I do? - i would like to say that i would return it with no money taken, but im just not sure :/

140: Do I believe people are capable of change? - yeah, if they’re really trying and realize that they need to, but even if they do change i know not everyone will accept them back into their lives and it shouldn’t be expected that they should after someone changes for the better

141: Have I ever been underweight? - no

142: Am I ticklish? - very and i have this weird tactile thing thats like i dont like ppl lightly touching me, it freaks me out

143: Have I ever been in a submarine? - no

144: Have I ever been on a plane? - yes!! I love flying!! Its so much fun!!

145: In a film about my life, who would I cast as myself, friends and family? - uhhhh,, im going to go by face,, i think for me - shailene woodley bc when she had her short hair ppl told me i looked like her @meme - liana liberato, she got the round face @keen - winona ryder (but back in beetlejuice) boyfriend - tucker west, i know he’s not an actor but he looks so much like him,,,, also it took me forever just to find these guys so im not finding family :p

146: Have I ever been overweight? - no

147: Do I have any piercings? - i have my ears pierced!

148: Which fictional character do I wish was real? - hari jurono,,, i love him ;-;

149: Do I have any tattoos? - no, but i already have some picked out that i want

150: What is the best decision I have made in life so far? - ummmm??? Im not sure?????

151: Do I believe in Karma? - yeah

152: Do I wear glasses or contacts? - contacts during the day and glasses at night

153: What was my first car? - i have a subaru crosstrek named inko!!! I love her!!

154: Do I want children? - no

155: Who is the most intelligent person I know? - my mom tbh,,, shes really smart

156: My most embarrassing memory? - omfg,, so this goes to show how oblivious i am about social interactions, but it was my first week in college and this junior was talking to me and i didnt realize he was flirting with me until after we traded snapchats and he left, so i panicked and never said anything to him again and blocked him

157: What makes me nostalgic? - when i walk around my neighborhood sometimes (i live near the preschool i went to) and i was over at my elementary school almost a year ago now, but i remember walking down the hall and seeing all the different teachers there now and it made me sad

158: Have I ever pulled an all-nighter? - yes, just last week

159: Which do I value more in others, brains or beauty? - brains

160: What colour mostly dominates my wardrobe? - darker colors like black and blue, but im trying to get lighter ones in there too

161: Have I ever had a paranormal experience? - yes, many times, but the one that sticks out to me is that one night i woke up at like 5 am for no reason, but i was just suddenly wide awake and something felt off, so i was trying to get comfy again and flipped over on my other side so i was facinging the door into my room instead of my wall and in front of my door was a tall black figure with red eyes staring at me and when i blinked it went away,, now i know this can be explained by some other things but with my family it seems more likely to be paranormal

162: What do I hate most about myself? - uhh, i procrastinate way too much

163: What do I love most about myself? - i always support my friends

164: Do I like adventure? - depends on the adventure,,, i like traveling, but not too much walking bc i have bad knees

165: Do I believe in fate? - not really

166: Favourite animal? - question 47

167: Have I ever been on radio? - no, but i was on my school’s announcements and i hated it

168: Have I ever been on TV? - no

169: How old am I? - 19

170: One of my favourite quotes? - “The Gods envy us. They envy us because we’re mortal, because any moment could be our last. Everything is more beautiful because we’re doomed”

171: Do I hold grudges? - im petty

172: Do I trust easily? - no,, im just cautious around ppl bc i just don’t know them

173: Have I learnt from my mistakes? - some of them

174: Best gift I’ve ever received? - im not too sure,,, i got a p cool backpack for my birthday tho that i use everyday

175: Do I dream? - yeah, cant remember too many tho

176: Have I ever had a night terror? - no??

177: Do I remember my dreams, and what is one that comes to mind? - can’t remember a lot after i wake up, but i just recently had one with some bnha characters in it, i can’t remember what happened, i just know that they were there

178: An experience that has made me stronger? - i know this might sound a bit morbid, but my aunt’s funeral, it was the first funeral i went to where i understood what was happening and it made me more open to learning and accepting death

179: If I were immortal, what would I do? - want to fucking die,,, i’ve never understood ppl who are scared of dying/want to live forever,, like why would you want that??? What’s the point??? You’ll just watch everyone you love die,,, i know it’s going to be hard on me when that happens to my closer family members, but even the new ppl you befriend,, i just couldn’t

180: Do I like shopping? - yeas

181: If I could get away with a crime, what would I choose to do? - tax evasion

182: What does “family” mean to me? - the ppl who i care about deeply and who love me, not all of them are blood related and not all the blood related ones are part of it

183: What is my spirit animal? - idk?????? Maybe a turtle???

184: How do I want to be remembered? - tbh, i don’t really want to be remembered

185: If I could master one skill, what would I choose? - drawing

186: What is my greatest failure? - im not sure

187: What is my greatest achievement? - uhh, i feel like its hard to point at a specific point and be like “that was the best thing i could have done, if i didn’t do that i wouldn’t be who i am today”

188: Love or money? - money

189: Love or career? - career

190: If I could time travel, where and when would I want to go? - probably to some point in the future,, i dont know where tho

191: What makes me the happiest? - the ppl i care about being happy

192: What is “home” to me? - the house i currently live in,, my family is here and im surrounded by ppl i love,, it’ll probably change with time, but for now its here

193: What motivates me? - spite

194: If I could choose my last words, what would they be? - it’s important to keep moving forward, don’t let the past hold you down

195: Would I ever want to encounter aliens? - kind of, i think it would be p cool

196: A movie that scared me as a child? - it wasn’t a movie but i know the animated wolf from peter and the wolf freaked me out

197: Something I hated as a child that I like now? - i hated mushrooms, but i love them now

198: Zombies or vampires? - vampires

199: Live in the city or suburbs? - suburbs super close to city

200: Dragons or wizards? - DRAGONS

201: A nightmare that has stayed with me? - its silly but when i was younger it would be my mom and i going to the mall downtown and the escalators were missing the part that connected them to the floor so you had to hop over it and when we would get to the 4th floor i would miss the jump and fall

202: How do I define love? - i know a lot of ppl are like “i would die for you or kill for you” something along those lines but i think it’s more living for someone, wanting to see them accomplish everything they wanted, being there for them during their lows203: Do I judge a book by its cover? - yeah, i wont pick up something that doesnt catch my eye

204: Have I ever had my heart broken? - no

205: Do I like my handwriting? - yeah!! Its loopy

206: Sweet or savoury? - sweet

207: Worst job I’ve had? - ive liked all the jobs ive had

208: Do I collect anything? no

209: Item of clothing or jewellery you’ll never see me without? - a hoodie/sweater of some kind

210: What is on my bucket list? - going to greece

211: How do I handle anger? - i usually rant for a bit, maybe cry to get the extra hormones out, maybe break something

212: Was I named after anyone? - no, but i did have the same name as my great grandma

213: Do I use sarcasm a lot? - yes

214: What TV character am I most like? - im been watching bnha a lot so i think either kirishima or uraraka

215: What is the weirdest talent I have? - i can cross my eyes and then move one of them

216: Favourite fictional character? - ,,,,, im not sure,, i really love eric from divergent

[purplesurveys]

631

General Randomness What's the weather like right now? It’s very bright and sunny out, but January is typically one of the colder days of the year so I’m not feeling uncomfortable right now. It’s the perfectly chilly temperature I would have liked to have all year long. What are you currently sitting on? I am sitting on a chair at our dining table, which is usually where I take surveys. How many times have you brushed your teeth today? Just once.

When did you get up? I’ve been up since 8, but didn’t get out of bed until 10.

Have you been in a vehicle for more than 45 minutes today? I haven’t been in a car at all today cos I’ve only stayed home. Angela invited me to go out for some drinks but I didn’t feel like drinking or being out today, so I’ve been home the whole time.

Where is your best friend? I think Angela is at home but I’m sure she’s getting ready to go out for the aforementioned ^ drinking. I’m not sure where Gab is. How many days until Christmas? Oh wow, barely missed it, chief. There are 355ish days left, I’m guessing? Have you kissed someone today? Nope. Is your mom over 50? No, and she still has a year to go. How old were you 7 years ago? I was technically 14, but was about to turn 15 in a few months. Do you know what 'C'est la vie' means? Yep. In Gen Z lingo, it essentially means, ‘it be like that sometimes’ lmao. Do you usually take showers or baths? Showers, because we don’t have bathtubs and also because I find it much more efficient anyway. I only take baths when I’m out of town, in a fancy hotel, and want to pamper myself with bubbles and fancy body wash. What kind of bottoms are you wearing right now? I’m wearing shorts just meant for the home.

Are you wearing anything red? Yes, the pair of shorts I just talked about. What was the name of your first pet? I didn’t keep track of my first goldfish’s name but a good guess would be Goldie. I wasn’t a very creative kid, so I wouldn’t be surprised if that turned out to be right. Do you live in an apartment? Nope. I’ve been living with my parents under their roof. What color is the floor in the room you're in? Cream-ish. What was the most irritating thing to happen to you today? My thesis professor being a headache to talk to. I am genuinely baffled at how she was able to secure a very high position in my university’s administration, considering how erratic she can get. How do you feel about your most recent ex? She’s great. Do you wish at 11:11? No. Do you wish on shooting stars? I would, if they often visited on this side of the world. But they don’t, so. Do you wish on dandelions? No. There aren’t a lot where I live. Are you drinking anything right now? Mmm no, not at the moment. I finished my coffee a little while ago and while I want to make a second cup to keep myself awake, I have an early morning tomorrow so I’d want to sleep early tonight. It’s back to work for me, ugh. About how tall is your father? Not too tall. He’s like, 5′5 or 5′6.  How old is your oldest living grandparent? I only know the age of one grandparent, and that’s my 73 year old maternal grandmother. I don’t get to see my paternal grandparents a lot cos they live quite far, so with that comes my insufficient knowledge about them.  Do you know anyone who has lived to be 100+? Gab’s great-grandmother, but she passed away last November. Have you had your birthday yet this year? Nope. There’s been a mere three days into the year, so very few people would already have had their birthdays hahaha. Do you read your horoscope on a regular basis? No. You do you, but I was never a fan. It’s also a pet peeve when people use their star sign as excuses for their shitty behavior. “Sorry I acted up, I’m a Scorpio,” “I hate everybody because I’m an Aquarius,” “I ghosted them because I’m a Cancer” no it’s because you’re a bitch, Karen. Do you like the color yellow? I hate it a bit less than green (my least favorite color) only because I love the song Yellow by Coldplay and because mustard yellow isn’t that bad of a color. Are you an aunt or uncle? If my friends start having kids soon, then I’ll be an aunt. Why is your best friend your best friend? They both understand my weirdness and all my quirks and never made me feel like I was being judged. What is your hair like at the moment? Tbh it matches my top pretty well so as frizzy as my hair is at the moment, it still looks good with the tank top I have on lolol. How many times have you donated blood this year? Zero. I’m scared of needles, and even if I get over that phobia I wouldn’t be able to donate anyway because I’m underweight. Are you wearing any jewelry? No, not right now. Are you a video-gamer? I wouldn’t call myself that. I play GTA just to be a law-abiding citizen and not actually do the missions lol, I get tired of playing The Sims after ten minutes, and I only play a handful of Nintendo games. Who got married at the last wedding you went to? My mom’s brother and his then-fiancee, now one of my favorite aunts except for the facts that she’s a hardcore Duterte supporter and Marcos apologist. Do you like Chinese food? Yep, it’s one of my favorite cuisines. How far is the nearest Walmart? I can’t walk nor drive to it, that’s for sure. Have you ever been a designated driver? I’m always DD by default because I’m the only one among my friends who has a car other than JM, who also has a (much bigger) car but is terribly low-tolerance and will absolutely pass out. I get tipsy easily as well, but I sober up real quick and always make sure I’m 100% back to reality by the time I drive. Which means that I typically have to stop drinking earlier than the rest of my friends, but so long as that means I get to take everyone back home safe, it’s okay with me. What is something that always brings tears to your eyes? My mom yelling at me. Who is your 20th phone contact? My contacts aren’t numbered thus I’m too lazy to count manually. Do you have any plans to get a tattoo? It’s not completely off the table, but I’ve definitely toned down my original plans of getting tattoo sleeves and getting myself generally covered a la CM Punk (and I have to tell ya, I’m so glad I grew out of that phase). These days I prefer to have small tattoos to memorialize significant people or events, and some of my plans include my dog’s pawprint and a plate of nachos. Or a new piercing? Probably not. What would your name be if your last name was the color of your shirt? Brown. If you could find out how you would die, would you want to know? Yes. I hate the unknown and would rather be certain, no matter how ugly or nasty the certainty holds. Do you make your bed regularly? Every morning. Do you look forward to the weekend? NO. I have a 2-day meeting for my 2-day weekend. I am so dreading it. I just want to stay a lazy couch blob for another week. How much do you know about the mechanics of cars? I know how to turn a car on, go forward, reverse, brake, and open my gas tank... and that’s about it. Has anyone ever told you you should be a model? Model and beauty queen, yeah. How old was your mom when she had you? She was 26, but was turning 27 that year. Do rainy days get you down? No. I thrive on rainy days lmao. Who is the artist/band you're listening to at the moment? No music keeping me company at the moment. Do you ever take aspirin when you 'feel a headache coming on'? Not aspirin but I take a Biogesic. I dunno if those two or the same thing or not. Is there a calendar in the room you're in? Nope. Do you prefer to be in a relationship or be single? I’ve been seeing a person for technically six years, so now I prefer a relationship after being accustomed to having one for so long. If you're single, do you wish you were in a relationship? Have you ever had your heart broken? Sure. Do you live within an hour of the beach? No. I’m very far away from the beach :( How do you like your steak? Rare or medium-rare. Were you born in the 1980s? I was not. A Few Firsts What was the first sound you heard when you woke up? I woke up to the sound of my mom calling me on my phone. I was half-asleep and didn’t feel like answering, so I muted it and went back to sleep. I feel guilty now that I remember, but she didn’t call back or text me so it probably wasn’t a big deal. Who was your first best friend? It was a girl named Kaye from kinder. We were good friends for like two years, and then we got sorted to different sections in Prep and drifted apart after that. Who was your first boyfriend/girlfriend? I’ve said her name so many times on these surveys already. Y’all know. Who was your first date to a formal dance? I haaaateeeeed the idea of asking guys out and being in a relationship for most of high school, so I made sure I only asked my cousin for my prom. How bad was your first break up? Pretty messed up. There was a lot of tension and resentment and confusion in the beginning. Throw in my grandfather’s sudden death and me taking the UPCAT, and you have my mental health completely rattled! What was your first favorite movie? High School Musical, for sure. How old were you when you had your first kiss? 16. What was your first trip to the emergency room for? My platelet count was really low, I was in danger of getting dengue, and had to stay the night at the hospital. Then there was sticking the IV onto my wrist, upon which I made a complete scene in the emergency room and thrashed and kicked around while my (very frail) grandma (sorry, Lola) tried to hold me down with a lot of patients watching lol. Where was the first place you went today? The kitchen. Who was the first person you saw? My sister, I think. What was the first thing you thought about when you woke up? I wondered why my mom called, realized I was too sleepy to care, and went back to bed. Do you remember the first time you spent the night away from home? Yupppp. I was in third grade, my club had an overnight camping thingy as its culmination activity, and it was the first time ever that I was allowed to spend the night somewhere else. I remember being around a campfire, roasting marshmallows for the first time, having to share a sleeping mat with Katreen, and her kicking me in her sleep.

Where was your first big vacation to? Boracay. What was your first job? None yet. I’ll make sure to update you by the end of the year. What was the first thing you had to drink today? Coffee.

Some Lasts Where was the location of your last kiss? My girlfriend’s car, when she dropped me back at my place. How old was the last person you kissed? 21. What was the last movie you rented? I’ve never experienced renting a movie, which definitely confirms my status as a Gen Z kid lmao. But I can tell you that the last movie I watched was Knives Out. Where was the last place you went? Other than around my house, we went to church last Tuesday night for New Year’s Eve mass. What was the last restaurant you went to? Yabu. Who was the last person to call you? My mom, this morning. Who was the last non-relative you spoke in person to? Gabie. What was the last thing you bought? I got dinner from Yabu, haha. When was the last time you drove more than an hour somewhere? December 14th. That evening was INSANE. It was Saturday + Christmas traffic, and it took me two hours to travel from Antipolo to Rita’s place in Makati. JM and I drove separately cos we were a big group - his drive took FOUR hours. Why did you last get angry? My thesis prof was doing us so fucking dirty and I couldn’t do anything about it. What color was the last vehicle you rode in? Blue-green. How long ago was your last birthday? NIne months. When did it last rain? It drizzled a little bit yesterday. What was the age difference between you and your most recent ex? A month and a half. When was the last time you used a dictionary? Maybe an hour ago for a word I used in a past survey lol. Mini iPod Shuffle: Don't Cheat, Use Whatever Song Comes Up, No Matter How Ridiculous (I have several playlists, so I’ll just use the Spotify-curated playlist made for Gab’s account called Your Top Songs 2019 hahahaha) My love song: Love song - Lana Del Rey (Wow.) My fight song: Swim Against the Tide - The Japanese House My break-up song: New Light - John Mayer The song for when I'm sad: Money - Leikeli47 The song for when I'm angry: Constant Conversations - Passion Pit My song to have sex to: Bad Girls - Tennis The song about my ex: Just the Same But Brand New - St. Vincent The song about my best friend: Juice - LIZZO The song about my crush: Seventeen - no rome My 'feel good' song: Venice Bitch - Lana Del Rey The theme song of my life: Formation - Beyoncé I literally know four of these songs, which I’ve since bolded just so y’all know that I have no idea what the other seven songs are and if they make sense with the situations at hand. Gab clearly uses her account more than I do, which should be the case anyway lmfaoooooo.

[starfish-sims]

GET TO KNOW ME TAG

Rules: Post a picture of your simself with your traits and answer the questions!

I saw others do this and thought it was a cool idea!  Granted, my husband said that something about my Sim Self’s face wasn’t quite right, but he couldn’t tell me what, so for now, she’ll have to do!

I tag anyone who wants to try this! :-D

1. What is your full name: Michelle P.D.

2. What’s your nickname: Michi (my chosen name in Japanese) or Seb (my former gamertag)

3. Birthday: 22nd of July, 1993.

4. What is your favorite book series? The Ranger’s Apprentice!! It is my comfort food book series.

5. Do you believe in aliens or ghosts? I definitely believe in aliens. I believe it conceited to think that we’re the only intelligent life the universe could come up with. Ghosts, I’m not so sure...

6. Who is your favorite author? John Flanagan (writer of the Ranger’s Apprentice-series.)

7. What is your favorite radio station? I don’t listen to radio, but I am a radio host at my grandmother’s radio station, so I’ll pick that one, lol.

8. What is your favorite flavor of anything? Coconut – I have a coconut moisturizing cream. It’s delish.

9. What word would you use often to describe something great or wonderful? Awesome or Great? I’m boring like that, lol. In Japanese, I really like using 最高 (saikou).

10. What is your current favorite song? Power of Dream by LOL (the newest opening of Fairy Tail).

11.  What is your favorite word? ‘Phantasmagoria’ for English’, ‘きっかけ’ for Japanese. (kikkakke)

12. What was the last song you listened to? Not sure... Definitely a K-pop song, but I was listening to the playlist while driving, so I stopped listening for the individual songs at some point, lol.

13. What TV show would you recommend for everybody to watch? Doctor Who or Haikyuu!!

14. What is your favorite movie to watch when you’re feeling down? I don’t watch movies... Except Marvel movies, in which case, I’d choose Doctor Strange, but that’s just because it’s my favourite.

15. Do you play video games? Yes!! SO MANY VIDEO GAMES!! My favorite genres are JRPGs, and my favorite video game series are Mass Effect and the Atelier-franchise.

16. What is your biggest fear? Living life without anyone thinking they’re happy I’m here.

17. What is your best quality, in your opinion? My honesty. I’m honest to a fault, something which my family often complains about, but I’d like to think it’s one of my better qualities. (Fun event; when my sister and I were little, we went to buy candy at the local mart. My sister put huge marshmallow dolphins into a bag. They’re about 30 cent a piece, but the shopkeep weighed them like normal candy, so she got all three of them for like 45 cent or something. I was livid, and kept bugging her to go back and pay full price, lol.)

18. What is your worst quality, in your opinion? My inability to cope with criticism. I don’t get particularly defensive, most of the time, because I know that criticism is someone’s way of telling me that something needs to be improved. What I do find difficult, however, is keeping in mind that the criticism isn’t directed at my person, but at the piece of work I am performing.

19. Do you like cats or dogs better? CATS. I AM SO SAD. MY HUSBAND IS ALLERGIC. THERE’S A VOID IN MY LIFE.

20. What is your favorite season? Early spring.

21. Are you in a relationship? Yes. (see question 19)

22. What is something you miss from your childhood? My cat, Kit. I found her as a kitten when I was 12 years old, and she died from cancer when I started University.

23. Who is your best friend? My childhood friend, Simone.

24. What is your eye color? Blue-ish Gray, I think.

25. What is your hair color? We call it liver paste in Denmark, lol. In Japan, it’s blonde.

26. Who is someone you love? My husband, my best friend and my biological younger siblings.

27. Who is someone you trust? (I read this as someone you can tell anything and everything) My husband and my best friend.

28. Who is someone you think about often? My mother and my grandmother. They don’t talk to each other, and I often worry about them, hoping they can patch it up before my grandparents are gone...

29. Are you currently excited about/for something? Oh yes! I am going on my second internship at the end of January! I can’t wait. (Also, the release of Nelke and the Legendary Alchemists in March <3 )

30. What is your biggest obsession? Writing stories. I am really bad at it, though. #Writer’sBlocks

31. What was your favorite TV show as a child? Winx Club, lol. I still like it a lot.

32. Who of the opposite gender can you tell anything to, if anyone? My husband.

33. Are you superstitious? I don’t believe I am, no.

34. Do you have any unusual phobias? Cygnophobia, a fear of swans. When I was three years old, me, my grandmother and my baby sister (who was 1 at the time) were chased through the local park by a swan. It was nesting season. I don’t remember it, but I’ve always been terrified of the bird.

35. Do you prefer to be in front of the camera or behind it? Behind it – I hate my smile/teeth.

36. What is your favorite hobby? Writing stories and playing video games.

37. What was the last book you read? School books – probably ‘The Bible, the Torah and the Quran’.

38. What was the last movie you watched? Fantastic Beasts – the Crimes of Grindelwald.

39. What musical instruments do you play, if any? None, but I used to play the Organ.

40. What is your favorite animal? Cats or Snakes.

41. What are your top 5 favorite tumblr blogs that you follow? @goneril-capp, @racingllama, @calisimgirl, @gerbits and @storylegacysims.

42. What superpower do you wish you had? Teleportation. As a commuter, travel times are killer.

43. When and where do you feel most at peace? When I’m alone at home.

44. What makes you smile? Working with children, and rewatching my favorite episodes of TV series.

45. What sports do you play, if any? None. I really like to swim though.

46. What is your favorite drink? Coconut Lemonade or Pinã Colada.

47. When was the last time you wrote a hand-written letter or note to somebody? Last week? I use pen and notebook in school, so I often write small notes to my classmates.

48. Are you afraid of heights? If I can look straight down, then yes. I don’t mind standing on a balcony and looking out over a city, but rides that throw you straight down, or looking down from a window terrifies me.

49. What is your biggest pet peeve? When someone leaves the TV on while doing something else -___- IT’S SO ANNOYING. If you watch TV, you watch TV, you don’t run around the house doing other stuff. Using the TV for music is fine, but leaving on a the TV and going back and forth between that and something else is so annoying to me.

50. Have you ever been to a concert? Once or twice. I went to a WINNER concert when I was in Japan. It was an amazing experience!

51. Are you vegan/vegetarian? Nope.

52. When you were little, what did you want to be when you grew up? An archaeologist or astronaut.

53. What fictional world would you like to live in? I’m not sure if it counts, but I’d love to live in the world of Doctor Who. It’s basically just our world but with a time traveling alien jumping around saving the world on a frequent basis.

54. What is something you worry about? Economy. All the time.

55. Are you scared of the dark? Not particularly.

56. Do you like to sing? I love it!

57. Have you ever skipped school? I skipped every Sports Day in grade school, and I’ve skipped school a couple of times when some new video games I really wanted came out.

58. What is your favorite place on the planet? Japan, definitely.

59. Where would you like to live? Denmark, for economical and cultural reasons.

60. Do you have any pets? No. I REALLY WANT A CAT. But once my husband and I move into a house in a few years’ time, we’ve agreed to get dogs.

61. Are you more of an early bird or a night owl? Definitely a night owl. There’s (almost) nothing I hate more than waking up early.

62. Do you like sunrises or sunsets better? Sunsets.

63. Do you know how to drive? No. I don’t trust myself nearly enough to drive a car responsibly, so I’ll leave that to my husband.

64. Do you prefer earbuds or headphones? Headphones.

65. Have you ever had braces? No... But now that I’m older, I wish I had.

66. What is your favorite genre of music? Kpop all day, every day. And if that fails, then Jazz.

67. Who is your hero? Hmm... Fictional or Real? If Fictional, then the Doctor. If not, then Stephen Fry, which is basically the same thing, really, lol.

68. Do you read comic books? Occasionally.

69. What makes you the most angry? Racists, Xenophobes, Homophobes and generally, people who live in their own little piece of the world and believes that that is how everyone should live.

70. Do you prefer to read on an electronic device or with a real book? Electronic Device. I’m very forgetful, so I always end up placing real books somewhere I’ll never find them again.

71. What is your favorite subject in school? Currently? English or History. Among all the subjects I’ve ever had? Japanese Conversation Classes.

72. Do you have any siblings? I have two biological, one half, four step and one adopted.

73. What was the last thing you bought? A bottle of Marzipan shots. Delicious.

74. How tall are you? 169 centimeters.

75. Can you cook? HA! I can burn water.

76. What are three things that you love? Smoothies, Dreams and my Duvet.

77. What are three things that you hate? Racists, Politicians and Parmesan Cheese.

78. Do you have more female friends or more male friends? Equal, I think? Maybe slightly more male?

79. What is your sexual orientation? Heterosexual.

80. Where do you currently live? Randers, Denmark.

81. Who was the last person you texted? My husband.

82. When was the last time you cried? Two days ago.

83. Who is your favorite YouTuber? Plenty of different ones: Outside Xbox, Outside Xtra, TearofGrace, ChristopherOdd, SimSupply and Simlicy are my current tops.

84. Do you like to take selfies? Absolutely not.

85. What is your favorite app? Tumblr or Otome Amino.

86. What is your relationship with your parent(s) like? I have no relationship with the man who donated the sperm that eventually became me. My relationship with my mom and my dad (her new husband) is great, although a bit rocky at times because of my intense honesty, lol.

87. What is your favorite foreign accent? … I don’t like accents, lol. I like dialects a lot! I like the Southern dialect of American English, and the Kansai dialect of Japanese.

88. What is a place that you’ve never been to, but you want to visit? The Valley of Kings in Egypt and China.

89. What is your favorite number? 7.

90. Can you juggle? Lol, nope.

91. Are you religious? I believe there is something we can’t explain or see or fathom, but I don’t particularly care about what it is, and I don’t buy into any of the current world religions. I find religions hella fascinating though!

92. Do you find outer space or the deep ocean to be more interesting? Outer Space. I’m afraid of the deep ocean, lol.

93. Do you consider yourself to be a daredevil? Not even close.

94. Are you allergic to anything? No.

95. Can you curl your tongue? Don’t know what this means, lol.

96. Can you wiggle your ears? That I cannot.

97. How often do you admit that you were wrong about something? Depends. I don’t like admitting I was wrong when arguing with my baby brother, but with everyone else, I usually fess up once I’ve calmed down a bit.

98. Do you prefer the forest or the beach? The beach.

99. What is your favourite piece of advice that anyone has ever given you? I don’t think I was given the advice rather than figuring out for myself that that was how I wanted to live my life, but John Barrowman once said something that really struck a chord with me: “Never apologize for being nerdy, because unnerdy people never apologize for being assholes.”

100. Are you a good liar? I suppose I’m good at white lies? But I never think they’re lies, lol. It’s like, my husband will ask ‘did you do the dishes’, and I’ll instinctively answer ‘yes’ because I thought I did it, and then I’ll realize I’m not done yet, and I’ll rectify myself.

101. What is your hogwarts house? Hufflepuff Forever!!

102. Do you talk to yourself? In a manner of speaking. If I’m alone, I like to walk around and talk out stories I’m planning like I’m in a play. Like, I’ll imagine I’m in a part of the story I haven’t planned yet, and then talk out what the characters are saying to see if I can get the story to move forward.

103. Are you an introvert or an extrovert? Hmm... Don’t know?? I used to be an extreme introvert, but when I started University I decided that I wanted to talk more with my classmates, and now I’m sort of in the middle, I think??

104. Do you keep a journal/diary? Nope. Used to though.

105. Do you believe in second chances? Absolutely.

106. If you found a wallet full of money on the ground, what would you do? Find the owner – if that doesn’t work, hand it in at the police station.

107. Do you believe that people are capable of change? Definitely.

108. Are you ticklish? Very much so. My husband likes to cuddle, but I frequently push him away, because his cuddles tickle me... It’s a struggle.

109. Have you ever been on a plane? Yes, close to ten times, I think.

110. Do you have any piercings? Just my ears.

111. What fictional character do you wish was real? The Doctor. I myself hate humanity at the best of times, so watching a timeless alien who sees the best in our race despite all of our failings is very inspiring.

112. Do you have any tattoos? Yes, I have a sibling tattoo with my two biological siblings. It’s three arrows over cross, that point to each of our birth years.

113. What is the best decision that you’ve made in your life so far? Getting interested in Anime back when I was 12 years old, I think. It led to me meeting my best friend at the age of 14, learning one of the coolest languages in the world, meeting my husband, going on exchange to Kobe for the best four months of my life and making tons of friends I’d never have met otherwise.

114. Do you believe in karma? Yes.

115. Do you wear glasses or contacts? Nope, my vision is perfect for the moment.

116. Do you want children? Absolutely, and as soon as possible too.

117. Who is the smartest person you know? Depends on the subject matter? We’re all pretty smart with our own things, I believe. I’m the best in my class when it comes to Grammar, for instance, while the others are great at other parts of our classes.

118. What is your most embarrassing memory? Getting my first scooter at the age of 16 and driving straight into the side of car after leaving the dealer’s. I’ve never ridden another automatic vehicle since then.

119. Have you ever pulled an all-nighter? Oh yes, so many times.

120. What color are most of you clothes? Greys and blacks.

121. Do you like adventures? Reading about them? Definitely. Going on them? Nope.

122. Have you ever been on TV? Yes. Me and a classmate of mine were interviewed in high school because we were two of the first students to take Chinese as an elective subject at the school.

123. How old are you? 25 years old.

124. What is your favorite quote? “Courage isn't just a matter of not being frightened, you know. It's being afraid and doing what you have to do anyway” – the Third Doctor, “Planet of the Daleks”, 1973.

125. Do you prefer sweet or savory foods? SWEET. I have such a sweet tooth, half of it would be enough.

[jennasims]

I saw the Get to Know Me Tag floating around and I wanted to try it out. It’s also been a while since I’ve made my simself! I’m not always mad but I do have a quick temper thus my face up above. Under the cut is the rest of the questions.

I was not tagged but I tag anyone that wants to do it!

RULES: Post a pic of your simself with your traits and answer the questions!

Traits: Bookworm, Hot-headed, Foodie

1. WHAT IS YOUR FULL NAME? Jenna

2. WHAT IS YOUR NICKNAME? most of my nicknames in life are based off of my last name sooooo....

3. BIRTHDAY? February 5

4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE BOOK SERIES? I read a lot of books, mostly stand alones. I guess Hunger Games?

5. DO YOU BELIEVE IN ALIENS OR GHOSTS? yes and yes

6. WHO IS YOUR FAVORITE AUTHOR? Courtney Summers

7. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE RADIO STATION? Alt Nation on xm radio, or my spotify

8. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE FLAVOR OF ANYTHING? blue raspberry!!

9. WHAT WORD WOULD YOU USE OFTEN TO DESCRIBE SOMETHING GREAT OR WONDERFUL? amazing

10. WHAT IS YOUR CURRENT FAVORITE SONG? &Run by Sir Sly

11. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE WORD? I don’t think I have a favorite word! maybe zesty

12. WHAT WAS THE LAST SONG YOU LISTENED TO? something off the new 21P album, can’t remember the name

13. WHAT TV SHOW WOULD YOU RECOMMEND FOR EVERYBODY TO WATCH? Gilmore Girls, Brooklyn 99, Parks & Rec, Chef’s Table, Parts Unknown w/ Anthony Bourdain (RIP)

14. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE MOVIE TO WATCH WHEN YOU’RE FEELING DOWN? I like to watch RuPaul’s Drag Race when I’m feeling terrible, I don’t have the attention span for movies.

15. DO YOU PLAY VIDEO GAMES? mostly Sims, but I like Animal Crossing and Pokemon

16. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST FEAR? dying alone

17. WHAT IS YOUR BEST QUALITY, IN YOUR OPINION? I’m really passionate about things when I want to be

18. WHAT IS YOUR WORST QUALITY, IN YOUR OPINION? sometimes I can be distant to close family and friends

19. DO YOU LIKE CATS OR DOGS BETTER? I love both but my kitty is the best boy

20. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SEASON? Fall, but summer in Maine is always great

21. ARE YOU IN A RELATIONSHIP? yeah with myself thank u next

22. WHAT IS SOMETHING YOU MISS FROM YOUR CHILDHOOD? No responsibilities NO BILLS

23. WHO IS YOUR BEST FRIEND? Kat + Jess

24. WHAT IS YOUR EYE COLOR? blue

25. WHAT IS YOUR HAIR COLOR? brown with blonde streaks

26. WHO IS SOMEONE YOU LOVE? My family and my friends and my cat

27. WHO IS SOMEONE YOU TRUST? Kat

28. WHO IS SOMEONE YOU THINK ABOUT OFTEN? my friends from school who I haven’t seen in ages

29. ARE YOU CURRENTLY EXCITED ABOUT/FOR SOMETHING? Christmas? trying to plan a trip for next year too so maybe that if it comes through!!

30. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST OBSESSION? Coffeeeeee

31. WHAT WAS YOUR FAVORITE TV SHOW AS A CHILD? Spongebob + Rugrats

32. WHO OF THE OPPOSITE GENDER CAN YOU TELL ANYTHING TO, IF ANYONE? I don’t think I could tell any man ANYTHING right now but there are some I’ll tell a lot to.

33. ARE YOU SUPERSTITIOUS? a little bit!

34. DO YOU HAVE ANY UNUSUAL PHOBIAS? I hate rodents!!!

35. DO YOU PREFER TO BE IN FRONT OF THE CAMERA OR BEHIND IT? a little bit of both but it’s usually me behind the camera

36. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE HOBBY? reading, writing, cooking, Sims

37. WHAT WAS THE LAST BOOK YOU READ? Where She Went by Gayle Forman

38. WHAT WAS THE LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED? some christmas movie on netflix I already forget what it was called

39. WHAT MUSICAL INSTRUMENTS DO YOU PLAY, IF ANY? I played the flute for about two weeks in the 5th grade

40. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ANIMAL? Cats & dogs but I also love bears

41. WHAT ARE YOUR TOP 5 FAVORITE TUMBLR BLOGS THAT YOU FOLLOW? uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

42. WHAT SUPERPOWER DO YOU WISH YOU HAD? to stop time

43. WHEN AND WHERE DO YOU FEEL MOST AT PEACE? On the couch or out in the woods with a bowl

44. WHAT MAKES YOU SMILE? nature! good music

45. WHAT SPORTS DO YOU PLAY, IF ANY? lol sports. sometimes I do yoga

46. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE DRINK? fountain sprite or Dunks coffee

47. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU WROTE A HAND-WRITTEN LETTER OR NOTE TO SOMEBODY? today! I sent my friend a gift in the mail

48. ARE YOU AFRAID OF HEIGHTS? a little bit

49. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST PET PEEVE? impolite and closeminded people

50. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN TO A CONCERT? [pasdfiosjfkjlasdk yeah I’ve been to a TON because I’m a concert junkie

51. ARE YOU VEGAN/VEGETARIAN? nah

52. WHEN YOU WERE LITTLE, WHAT DID YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GREW UP? A teacher/a journalist/an actress

53. WHAT FICTIONAL WORLD WOULD YOU LIKE TO LIVE IN? maybe Hogwarts?

54. WHAT IS SOMETHING YOU WORRY ABOUT? losing someone very important to me, being unable to pay my bills

55. ARE YOU SCARED OF THE DARK? only like, PITCH BLACK dark

56. DO YOU LIKE TO SING? I love singing along but I think I’m terrible

57. HAVE YOU EVER SKIPPED SCHOOL? not in HS but lots in college to smoke weed on the beach

58. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE PLACE ON THE PLANET? the beach!!! I love love love the water

59. WHERE WOULD YOU LIKE TO LIVE? I like where I am now a lot

60. DO YOU HAVE ANY PETS? a kitty cat named Poe

61. ARE YOU MORE OF AN EARLY BIRD OR A NIGHT OWL? a night owl, I’m up way too late for my own good

62. DO YOU LIKE SUNRISES OR SUNSETS BETTER? Sunsets

63. DO YOU KNOW HOW TO DRIVE? yes

64. DO YOU PREFER EARBUDS OR HEADPHONES? headphones 

65. HAVE YOU EVER HAD BRACES? yes

66. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE GENRE OF MUSIC? I like pretty much everything but rap/country

67. WHO IS YOUR HERO? my mom

68. DO YOU READ COMIC BOOKS? not really

69. WHAT MAKES YOU THE MOST ANGRY? lol my road rage is real

70. DO YOU PREFER TO READ ON AN ELECTRONIC DEVICE OR WITH A REAL BOOK? mostly real books but don’t mind electronic devices

71. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SUBJECT IN SCHOOL? History & English

72. DO YOU HAVE ANY SIBLINGS? older brother + older sister

73. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU BOUGHT? coffee

74. HOW TALL ARE YOU? 5′3″

75. CAN YOU COOK? yes I love to cook

76. WHAT ARE THREE THINGS THAT YOU LOVE? laughing, listening to others, adventures

77. WHAT ARE THREE THINGS THAT YOU HATE? confrontation when it doesn’t involve me, emotions, stupid heads

78. DO YOU HAVE MORE FEMALE FRIENDS OR MORE MALE FRIENDS? even mix I’d say

79. WHAT IS YOUR SEXUAL ORIENTATION? straight

80. WHERE DO YOU CURRENTLY LIVE? Maine

81. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TEXTED? my friend

82. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED? on Monday lol

83. WHO IS YOUR FAVORITE YOUTUBER? like a lot of Youtubers tbh

84. DO YOU LIKE TO TAKE SELFIES? every once in a while

85. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE APP? Instagram

86. WHAT IS YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH YOUR PARENT(S) LIKE? I love them both and they love me! sometimes my mom and I butt heads but we’re just both really headstrong lol

87. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE FOREIGN ACCENT? British & New Zealand

88. WHAT IS A PLACE THAT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO, BUT YOU WANT TO VISIT? Sweden 

89. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE NUMBER? 5

90. CAN YOU JUGGLE? nope

91. ARE YOU RELIGIOUS? not really

92. DO YOU FIND OUTER SPACE OF THE DEEP OCEAN TO BE MORE INTERESTING? deep ocean!! 

93. DO YOU CONSIDER YOURSELF TO BE A DAREDEVIL? sometimes

94. ARE YOU ALLERGIC TO ANYTHING? nope

95. CAN YOU CURL YOUR TONGUE? yes

96. CAN YOU WIGGLE YOUR EARS? nope

97. HOW OFTEN DO YOU ADMIT THAT YOU WERE WRONG ABOUT SOMETHING? ahahahaha every once in a while I guess

98. DO YOU PREFER THE FOREST OR THE BEACH? beach!!

99. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE PIECE OF ADVICE THAT ANYONE HAS EVER GIVEN YOU? control what you can // confront what you can’t // always remember how lucky you are to have yourself

100. ARE YOU A GOOD LIAR? yes with small lies

101. WHAT IS YOUR HOGWARTS HOUSE? Ravenclaw

102. DO YOU TALK TO YOURSELF? all the timeeee

103. ARE YOU AN INTROVERT OR AN EXTROVERT? depends on the day

104. DO YOU KEEP A JOURNAL/DIARY? I try to keep one but it never works

105. DO YOU BELIEVE IN SECOND CHANCES? depends on the circumstance

106. IF YOU FOUND A WALLET FULL OF MONEY ON THE GROUND, WHAT WOULD YOU DO? Return it to the owner (if I can find the address & it isn’t too far) otherwise bring it to the police station

107. DO YOU BELIEVE THAT PEOPLE ARE CAPABLE OF CHANGE? Yes, but not always.

108. ARE YOU TICKLISH? verrrry

109. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN ON A PLANE? yes I love to fly I wish I did it more

110. DO YOU HAVE ANY PIERCINGS? just my ears

111. WHAT FICTIONAL CHARACTER DO YOU WISH WAS REAL? meh

112. DO YOU HAVE ANY TATTOOS? yes “(un)lost” on my wrist

113. WHAT IS THE BEST DECISION THAT YOU’VE MADE IN YOUR LIFE SO FAR? move to Maine by myself

114. DO YOU BELIEVE IN KARMA? yes she’s a bitch

115. DO YOU WEAR GLASSES OR CONTACTS? nope

116. DO YOU WANT CHILDREN? maybe someday! too early in my life to tell

117. WHO IS THE SMARTEST PERSON YOU KNOW? my older brother

118. WHAT IS YOUR MOST EMBARRASSING MEMORY? god why ask

119. HAVE YOU EVER PULLED AN ALL-NIGHTER? yes many times

120. WHAT COLOR ARE MOST OF YOU CLOTHES? Dark blue/gray/black

121. DO YOU LIKE ADVENTURES? YES!!

122. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN ON TV? yeah! I was on the Today Show when I was 10 

123. HOW OLD ARE YOU? 23

124. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE QUOTE? always be your own sunshine

125. DO YOU PREFER SWEET OR SAVORY FOODS? i’ve got a lethal sweet tooth

[simmancy]

I was wondering how you first started your berry legacy? Did you make a new simblr for it? How did you first start posting and getting into a routine? I really want to make a legacy myself but i'm scared that it would look really mediocre and unorganized! Any tips on how to plan out the storyline and start posting? Thank you!! (asking this to a few different blogs so sorry if yo see this question somewhere else)

I’m honestly super honored that you’re asking me! I’m still a pretty small simblr compared to a lot of people.

I’m going to put this under a cut, just so it doesn’t clutter up people’s dashes because I RAMBLE (like seriously, I’m re-reading it all now and I go on and on and on) but I’m gonna cover everything you asked!

TL;DR: get mildly inspired, get involved in the community and have fun with it!

I cannot recommending creating a new blog enough. While it’s definitely easier to just create a sub-blog off your personal, you’ll have a harder go at keeping things separate once things take off. Plus then you probably won’t have ALL your million tumblr things that you’re already following mixed in with your sim stuff, making things so much harder to follow.

Once you start your simblr (whether a sub-blog or whole new tumblr), TAG EVERYTHING. XKIT SAVES LIVES. Not really, but it will save you a lot of time once you install the Quick Tags and make tag bundles. Seriously.

At least once a day, a “reblog if you’re a maxis match simblr” thing comes across my dash–don’t be afraid to reblog those when you’re starting out. (Or the alpha equivalent if that’s your thing).

Seriously, don’t be afraid to reach out to people and get involved. Ask for sim requests, reply to things, join a Discord server–don’t be afraid to talk to people! I’ve actually made a few good friends this time around. It’s awesome.

This is just one of the unfortunate realities about things–if your pictures look good, you’ll get noticed quicker and blah blah. You can get by on just writing, but it’s a lot harder. This is still tumblr. It’s microblogging. LOOOOONG text posts (like this one lmao) are not what it’s geared towards.

Anyway. I play TS4 on Ultra, and that does a lot of work for me. Sometimes all you really need to do is sharpen and brighten things up. Reshade is another good alternative, if your computer can handle it–that takes a lot of the decision making out because it edits for you! I used to use PickyPikachu’s reshade presets. The downside is that it’s pretty resource heavy.

The basic point here is that having good lookin’ pictures goes a long way to making your stuff look “not mediocre.”

Also, and this is a side thing–find a good theme for your simblr, something that looks good for both text posts and pictures, probably something with either a sidebar or header (or both).

This is the meat of the section and it’s all really Kit/Pastille-specific.

I started up the Pastel Pastilles because I saw Berry’s challenge–I had already read Splash of Color a long time ago, and had a (now obviously abandoned) TS3 rainbowcy. But TS4 was fun and ran like a beast and I liked berry sims, so I dove in. If you were to go back in my archives, though, you’d see that I started posting a TS3 LEPacy, and that’s not even my first one.

I’m not going to even talk about the Grims in this post, since they’re really new. But they’re a prime example of using community involvement to stay interested haha. I’m very excited to play with Ruby and her future family because of all the nice sims people sent for her to eat alive become friends with. 

Planning with the Pastilles

With the Pastilles, I honestly got a little tipsy one night and did my initial planning based around Halsey’s Hopeless Fountain Kingdom. Like… Not even gonna lie. That was honestly my starting point. You can almost see hints of this in some places. From there, I had certain scenes I wanted to hit.

Gen 1 - Luna - “Hopeless”; it’s about being in a shitty relationship and hoping that changes lmao (“I hope hopeless changes over time”). Luna and Dianthus were meant to have a much more obviously toxic relationship but Luna ended up having four kids by her second pregnancy and I just couldn’t play and write that fast. However, I always knew that Luna’s big moment would be telling Dianthus to get out.

Gen 2 - Verity Vine - “Now or Never”/“100 Letters” - There are a couple things that have stayed consistent in this gen: Veri and her dreams, the peach spouse’s dad was gonna be a dick and they would be separated for years, and they were gonna hook back up at a wedding. 

My very first concept was that Riesling was going to be a bit more wishy-washy and bend to his father’s will (hence “Now or Never” being the song). By the middle of the generation, it was clear that Veri would become the distant one (“he said ‘please don’t go away,’ I said ‘it’s too late’”).

Part of writing a sims legacy sometimes is… letting the sims do the writing for you. Meri and Forest weren’t supposed to be the ones getting married (it was supposed to be Chai Tea and Black Cherry) and they definitely weren’t supposed to have the twins but honestly the story is better for it, you know? And obv most of Veriling’s story isn’t the way I initially planned.

All this said, once I knew where I wanted the story to go, I knew I wanted to plan around a few set-pieces: the fountain scene where Riesling trips onto Veri and she realizes “OH SHIT,” the scene where Eiswein walks in, Punk!Veri’s “I don’t dream at all anymore,” and Riesling’s “Hi, I’m Riesling Puck, you might recognize me from your dreams.” Those were all scenes I knew I HAD to get.

Gen 3 - ??? - “Angel on Fire” - it’s about anxiety lmao so I don’t mind linking it, it’s pretty obvious. Gen 3 has an anxious heir, a song about anxiety was on the nose.

I don’t really recommend the getting tipsy part, but definitely do recommend going in with a basic concept.

The cool thing about challenges is that you already have the guidelines as a starting point. One of my favorite parts about this challenge in particular is seeing how people re-interpret the rules–for instance compare the Gumdrops, Frosts, Amours, Pastilles, Fairyflosses, Prisms–we all started from the same basic rules and there’s still a lot of variation, especially once you get past the initial introductions.

Also, SERIOUSLY: don’t be afraid to take inspiration from crazy places–a song you heard on the radio, a movie, your own life, whatever. Like, I decided Veri’s generation would have it’s first Act at Oxtail University because of the “dream of ivy covered walls and smoky french cafes” line in “Beautiful” (from the Heathers musical). The song otherwise has VERY LITTLE to do with Gen 2. It’s just that line became a starting point for me.

Keeping Things Lookin’ Snazzy with the Pastilles

Looking back, you can kind of see Gen 1 was a bit brighter and lighter/different in editing style than Gen 2. I purposefully set out to get a “dreamy” feel for Gen 2′s pictures. It works for me and the Pastilles–it might not for your legacy! Play around with things to see what works.

I’ve also noticed a lot of banners nowadays (they weren’t as big my first go around here on simblr, but they’re everywhere now). I think that helps to keep things “on brand,” organized and consistent too. I personally don’t use a banner for the Pastilles–I didn’t start with one, and now it looks super wrong to me when I try to use one…. So instead, I’d recommend looking at @frost-rainbowcy–she is SUPER on-brand. I can only aspire to reach that level of #a e s t h e t i c.

HOWEVER, I do keep everything on my blog hyper-organized–there’s a main page where everything’s pretty much linked, and the character page. 

TBH, you don’t need to go that in-depth. I just like leaving weird easter eggs in places. You might too.

Posting Consistently

So, I started posting the Pastilles officially almost a week after I made the first post with Luna. That’s because I played a BUNCH right at the beginning, so I’d have something consistent to post for a while. It wasn’t initially as story-heavy as it is now. That’s something you probably want to decide before you start posting.

Right now, I’m posting inconsistently because I’m trying to wait around for Cats and Dogs and not give into the temptation to give Veri and Ries the babies they keep wishing for, but….

I’m in game almost every day–I get off work most days between 2 and 4 now, so by 6 PM I’ve eaten/showered/started up TS4. Even if it’s just to make a sim for someone.

I tend to do all my picture editing on Sundays, as it’s my day off. Sometimes it bleeds over into Monday, my other day off. I don’t always write posts up those days, but I at least stick them in the queue so they’re THERE. For me, it helps giving myself that weird deadline lmao

As a result, I almost always have something queued up.

I utilize the queue like MAD. Right now it’s set at 6 posts a day between 3 PM and 12 AM EST, but I change it up depending on what I have going on and what I can crank out. Usually I leave it on 13 posts a day.

Basically, learn what works for you. It does take some trial and error, but you’ll get it eventually.

Now here’s the real truth: you won’t post consistently if you don’t love your game or your sims.

I love playing the Pastilles as much as I love writing them. To the point that I have them backed up in several places just in case. I’m genuinely attached to the family, and that makes it worth it to me. Sometimes that doesn’t happen immediately (I love Luna, and Vino, and even Dianthus that shitbag, but you can tell that I got invested with Veri and Ries–Gen 1 is 30 pages long on my blog. Gen 2 is 92 and counting).

Storywise, I stay interested because I love the fluffy romance bits and snappy dialogue as much as the Drama Bombs, and also (spoilers) I’m a sucker for supernatural stuff. So I tailored my legacy to fit that.

But when I don’t want to play sometimes I just go in game, grab a few pictures of them in CAS and redo the character page for the 25th time. And that’s okay too. I just always try to make sure I have something to post, even if it’s a small (even if it’s just Riesling’s face. Because I know that’s what y’all want. It’s cool. I get it).

I seriously rambled a lot, but I hope this helps!! Once you get started, please let me know too! I’m rooting for you, non, and any nons to come after you.