#this wasn't in the tag so im posting it again
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hot. who said that
#it killed me to edit out the quote from my description in the first excerpt but it wasn't relevant to the post </3#okay im going to say something slightly crazy. in like 30-50 years i will make a velvet goldmine/two of us style retelling of atpm where i#bring my yaoi to life and i will include the messy parts of them and their relationship that robert redford was too scared to#robert i love and respect your rpf movie but you could have gone further. and now i have to learn how to make films so i can fix this#what was this post about again? oh right. yes this was exhibitionism to me. jesus these tags are terrible ihope no one reads them#micah.txt#journalism yaoi tag
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I love how you can purposely cater you internet experience to block most politics so you can mentally detox since your media consumption was becoming unhealthy, and still have a whole week of attempting to regain your hope in humanity become completely undone by wanting to eat lunch with your mom (ramble in tags, feel free to ignore; take care of yourselves first <3)
#politics#us politics#tags so people can block this post#it's just so cool and awesome that things work like that#i was genuinely doing so much better#i was engaging with news in a healthier way#i was fixing my focus on what to do moving forward#but then i had the audacity to want to eat lunch with my mother instead of holing up in my room#she turned on fox news and i tuned it out... talking about stuff with them always turns into debates and its mentality exhausting#so i generally just keep my mouth shut unless asked#but then she started commenting on the news out loud#and so being a personable person i did my best to respond#they were talking about mass deportation of ''illegal criminals'' and she asked out loud why they havent sent them away already#so i said “oh well its expensive and there's not always places that are willing to take them”... left my opinion on the sentiment out of it#that was the WRONG thing to say apparently#devolved into a debate where she ultimately said “ok but it was a rhetorical question and i didnt actually want an answer”#how was i supposed to know that????? im the only person in the room??? thats not what rhetorical questions are used for??????#so we moved on from the topic#she said something along the lines of “pff and people come in illegally and still want to seek asylum”#so again i speak up#told her (with a quick google search to back it up) that people can either apply for asylum at the border or after entering illegally#as long as its within a year of entering#that was ALSO THE WRONG THING TO SAY#she reiterated that she still wasn't asking and added “im just watching the news; i dont want to google anything”#and im like...#...one; she mentioned in her “thinking out loud” rambles that she's aware that i dont like to talk about this stuff with her#but that this stuff is important to talk about... which i took as a “why won't you talk with me?”#so ouch#but also... whY ARE YOU WATCHING THE NEWS IF YOU DON'T CARE TO VERIFY ANY OF IT#im out of tags to ramble in but I'm still so hurt and mad and i have been reminded how little people care about compassion and factuality
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finally introducing the other character who also occupies a part of my brain:
Meet Giewont!
while the creator of it, Maria Leszczyńska, originally intended to make a war machine, she struggled a lot with finding resources then. however, with her and her family's life deeply affected by both world wars, the idea never left her mind. inspired by utopian idea of glass houses from a novel "the spring to come" ¹, she created her machine from glass. it would be cheap to make, yet durable, available as help to those in need, able to do hard work in times when it was needed - but if fragile peace was in danger again, it could fight alongside other soldiers. as if to set that role of protector in stone, she named it Giewont ². to test her creation, she gifed it to her brother Andrzej, who owned a small farm near the seaside.
Giewont worked as much as four men, not needing to be paid or fed like people would. it was a perfect solution for everybody, the new industrial revolution. that was, until about half a year into her work, glass started to shatter. it turned out not to be as durable as the utopian story made it to be, especially in contact with rough farm tools. small cracks also started to appear after they worked outside in winter, with low temperatures on the outside and hot steam circulating inside. with her fingers and edges getting sharper every day, Giewont was forbidden from taking care of animals anymore, as she would injure them. she was given the only task with no way to injure others - they recieved a showel fully made from metal and was ordered to dig. she did as she was told, even though the work put strain on her already-falling-apart fingers.
but when one day, when returning home, she noticed daughter of Andrzej, Aniela, swimming too far away from the shore and having trouble coming back, long forgotten wire snapped into its place as she jumped into the water to save her. while Giewont did bring her back home, carrying her in their arms, the girl had severe cuts on her body from coming in contact with robot's sharp hands. furious with his sister creation, Andrzej took it outside, desperate to destroy it. blinded by anger, he didn't even notice the storm gathering over the horizon
Andrzej took the metal showel and struck Giewont on the side on their head, then again, until her body fell and crumbled to pieces. He covered it with sand and raised his hands to deal the final blow.
that's when the lightning struck.
and the man fell to the ground, dead.
the sand melted from the heat around Giewont, filling the empty spaces and connecting the pieces back together. raising from their shallow grave, with body more rigid than what she was used to, she took her shovel and decided to bury the man, with what respect they had left for him. that was, after she dealt the final blow herself.
although miraculous, the lightning didn't return her to the previous state of being. their motions were stiff and some parts of theirs got lost forever among the sands of the beach. the part of her head where the first blow was dealt never worked properly again, rendering Giewont deaf in one ear (or whatever was left from it). however it did some good as well, as it widened the space around her mouth, finally making them able to talk - even if it was simillar to a whistle. determined to help people but with a body that kept hurting everyone around her, Giewont set off into the world, trying to find a home and piece herself together, leaving parts herself and a dead body behind.
footnotes below the cut:
1. "During one pause in their journey, the elder Baryka tells Cezary of an entrepreneur who, along Poland’s Baltic coast, devised an ingenious method for manufacturing durable glass from the vast reserves of pristine sands that had lain for eons beneath coastal peat fields. By a massive Rube Goldberg-type arrangement of channels and a creative method for harnessing the westerly winds (the storytelling here is a literary engineering feat in itself), an incursion of the sea provides power for converting the extracted sand into glass. From this vitreous wonder substance, prefabricated houses of glass are built inexpensively. The houses are strong as steel, hygienic, and easy to heat in winter and keep cool in summer. Whole villages are built with houses of brightly colored glass. Life becomes less of a struggle for mere existence, more civilized, and without the need to toil incessantly. People eat less meat or no meat at all, and begin to revere farm animals as sacred beings. For the reader, the digression serves to freshen the mental palate. For Cezary, however, the story is altogether beguiling, raising the utopian prospect of a more wonderful life, reunited with a homeland that might have been his to begin with and a father he has just rediscovered" - via neh.gov
wow thanks for skimming through footnotes as well! as a reward, here's the first ever design of both Janka and Giewont (which proves they were both created around the same time :] )
2. "Those knights had been in a deep sleep for hundreds of years and they only would wake up if it is time to fight on a great battle. When this day comes, the earth will move, there will be thunders that would shake the sky, many trees will fall and break, and there would be noises when the Border Mountains will break. On that moment the knights will take their horses and they will gallop to fight for Poland once again." - the legend of the sleeping knights
a lot had changed since that time :]
#i hope it wasn't too long :')#sorry if tge drawings vary in between them i kind of drew them in way different times#AND BTW i know all of them have cracks but yellow cracks were supposed to apper after they got almost killed#i just never did the drawing of original giewont. huh#me when i try nkt to give my oc a backstory the lenght of do you love the colors of the sky post -> 😰😰#OH AND ALSO she doesn't have to be purple. thats just what i went with because of my pens but. shes glass#they can be blue. they can be green. they can be yellow or rainbow or whatever. she can be see through. so if i draw her again and the colo#is different don't yell at me alright? the cracks stay yellow tho#spg fanbot#<- i mean. technically it is the same case as with janka but im even less sure now. can remive the tag at request#oc#original character#giewont spg#<- gotta remember to put spg there or mountain fans of tumblr will come for my blood#welcome to the family giewont :D
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can't lie g/omens fans are starting to piss me off
#cant rlly talk bc i watched it too like#but i cant imagine being so attached to a show that you are SOO desperate for s3 that you don't seem to care that one of the creators has#multiple extremely credible allegations against him. which when they were revealed a lot of his long term fanbase reacted by saying#'yeah that tracks there were rumours about him for years' like hello?????#are you really so desperate for a ship portrayed by two straight men and written by a straight creep to become canon??#remember when people tried to discredit the allegations by saying the timing was suspicious wrt the uk election. wild#also WHY did it take so long for mainstream media outlets to report on it. so weird i wanna know what happened there#like as far as i can see the bbc still hasn't reported on it???#which is crazy atp. he's not a household name but his work was successful and a lot of people would probably have heard of go or coraline#okay so i wrote this post and then googled and found out he'd been fired from the show. which GOOD#and then saved this to the drafts bc i figured it wasn't relevant anymore#but then i went into the tag and saw the fucking destiel meme meme saying 'we're not getting a full season :(' FUCK OFF OMG#the man has such credible allegations against him that even big corporations are refusing to employ him again#and the reaction is 'but we no longer get six hours of tv' oh my god#it's so late and im so tired maybe i won't be so annoyed about this after a full night's sleep#unlikely tho
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Dont be angry, Finnula said. Be smart.
#Chapter 23#Kingdom of Ash#Sarah J. Maas#Elide Lochan#Finnula#no spoilers pls first read along w me chapter spoilers in post & tags below w more annotations/quotes/notes/reacts/perspective 3 of 4#The City of Rivers… can Aelin get a City of Fire? cuz that would be cool & Elide already said “fear was another companion it can’t be worse#IT WAS LORCANS SHIRT😭 & he cared so much he lied so she’d use it from Gavriel/Rowan😭 OH ELORCAN😭😭😭#Yet this place seemed like a paradise. WHATS REAL? is it a Maeve illusion… but it sounds lovely; like Rowan could just fly around😭#Pink and blue flowers draped from windowsills; little canals wended between some of the streets ferrying people in bright long boats.#And though a good dose of fear would aid in her cover too much would spell her doom. -smart clever spy gal Annabeth Chase would be proud#And this city Rowan had told Elide had been built from stone to keep Brannon or any of his descendants from razing it to the ground.#when u know ur evil cuz you had to build in a backup plan for the day Brannons peeps eventually come to shut that shit down… my poor Aelin#Elide fought the limp that grew with each step farther into the city--farther away from Gavriel's magic… or Lorcan’s👀😭🖤🤨#okay Elide I see your mirror mirror Aos moves with the berry listen and compact trick she can do it with a broken heart#cycle. She hadn't been able to find the words anyway. Not with what it would crumple in her chest to even think them. WELL NOW IM CRUMPLED#As if she'd been weeping for weeks… yeah that fits the KoA vibes#But it wasn't the reflection she wanted to see. But rather the square behind her. — BRILLIANT QUEEN — lol thx Lorcan for having a mirror#if only anything could be a witch mirror then they could all cell chat and communicate cause the travel time in this one is rough#she was merely staring into a compact mirror no more than a self-conscious girl trying to fix her frazzled appearance — she is the best spy#A girl trying to muster some dignity. Let them see what they wanted to see-A girl far out of her element in this lovely well-dressed city#cornflower blue ALWAYS THESE SHADES#her golden-brown skin shone with an inner light. Her eyes were soft with kindness. And concern.#had always made them foolishly off guard and eager to get away. To tell her what she needed to know. — funny 2 watch Elide do this after HoF#The sort of voice Elide had always imagined great beauties possessing the sort of voice that made men fall all over themselves.#Cairn. One of the males swore; the other scanned Elide from head to toe. But the two females had gone still. — agreed he’s the worst#the portrait of hope—yeah child’s right cause no—Elide always naming people—If you escaped Cairn don't go looking for him again.—true#Cairn is blood-sworn to our queen. Still makes him a prick TRUTH — doesn’t need to be a far to catch the lie — WHERE IS SHE DAMNIT#She was about to do it again wheen… The dark-haired beauty from the tavern was standing behind her. — SHIT#Maeve was not in Doranelle. How long would that remain true? Had to make the next performance count. — how many had she done this already?🥹😭
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ok yeah so the very last time sanji saw usopp before the ts was him literally being ripped away from him, right in front of his eyes, and so afraid, and sanji was unable to do anything about it, and it haunts him, haunts him the whole two years and it will haunt him even longer, and then they meet again, and usopp's changed, things happened in those two years, things that forced him to become fit when usopp would never do something like that willingly, and sanji swears to himself that he'll never let anything like that ever happen again, nobody will ever rip usopp away and out of his reach ever again
#im normal about them :)))#sabaody feels#altho i can also see sanji getting w7 flashbacks of losing usopp all over again#and again being unable to keep him#might as well tag this as#w7 feels#sanji having separation issues#and then wci happens and it's even worse#an ugly part of him is so disappointed that usopp wasn't there on wci and he hates himself for that so very much#ok i stop here bc this post is getting out of hand and i can't handle that rn#irrational sanji angst my beloved
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I never tried the option myself bc it'd probably mean skipping the Reason You Suck speech at the end (fire for speedrunners though) but I Love that you can frame your Phoneys in 3, especially so if you've already killed the previous two. Like yeah couldn't send you off to die so i'll let the goverment do it for me 🧸 like its just Peak evil imo.
#luly talks#i do relinquish in the pain and the agony but dont get me wrong the thought of any of them 3 getting jailed makes me SO sad#rog esp since he's the one im writing about and the biggest nerve wreck#gingi voice they'll be the last one to pick the board game for prison-game-night..........#actually yknow i wonder if rog would end up almost believing it after all when you try to gaslight him for the shits and giggles#(as in: telling HE was victim of the bite of 87 and the like) he tells you to not do that bc his brain is already scrambled or something#so there's a chance perhaps he'd believe it if he had everyone constantly accussing him of it?#not like it'd matter much i have no hopes for the dsaf justice system i know its been 35 years since jack got framed but still#i just remembered when the option popped up i said ''god im really becoming steven 😭''#first time i made the joke too was when i said ''imagine your boss sucks so bad you turn suicidal'' no clue what the context was#OH YEAH JAKE SAYING HE'D RATHER FUCKING DIE THAN KEEP WORKING HERE yeah. poor guy.#anyway im derailing my own post again uhhh. yeah. yeah i dont trust any phoney is avoiding the death sentence#dsaf#roger jones#dsaf roger#btw just for the sake of yapping longer i truly cant decide whether harry or jake would survive better in the enviroment#probably jake to be honest. I mean Harry has a lot of experience inside freddy's but he didnt really live outside it muhc#jake is so confrontational though#hey did you guys watch the hit movie felon? sure that guy wasn't framed but. i feel like jake would end up w that attitude#except for. you know. everything else that happens in the hit movie felon.#hey actually forget about this game go watch the 10/10 movie Felon from 2008 starring Val Kilmer and Stephen Dorff#because its one of my all time fave movies and probably the saddest i've seen#not bc there arent movies that are more tragic but bc no movie was able to break thru my walls of idgaf and make me cry anyway#yeah you thought i couldnt bring up my movie fixations on my different fandom posts well you were WRONG in fact#im gonna go tag my other post i left untagged yesterday bc my ass was Cooking
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this part genuinely makes me feel like eating dry wall like i can't explain how i feel about it without making some of you finally tire of me and block me about it i think
#.txt#reservoir dogs -#sorry for just randomly posting clips . i was actually working on my vid i swear but then i started Thinking. and here we are.#anyways going genuinely insane in the tags . i'm so sorry. ->#(im only sorry for the sheer amount of tags or if u disagree w/ my interpretations / headcanons. if ur just annoyed lmfao sucks to be you!)#anyways. you guys ever think abt the way orange HAS TO know white's lying to him abt his odds of survival.#bc i think abt that genuinely constantly. all the time thinking about it.#also the ''joe's gonna get you 100% again'' -> first of all . lol. second of all -> ''he was the only one i wasn't 100% on'' hello? HELLO!!#also freddy's voice here makes me feel like punching walls . like it makes me wail in anguish.#no but yeah i think abt the theme of lying & the fact some of the first lies we hear are in this scene in a way#also this part is leaning wayyy harder on headcanon but i always think. like if orange WASNT lying abt who he is. then it'd be reasonable#forhim to not know how likely he is to die and/or how blatantly larry's lying (''i'm talking days!'') but as a cop he SOOO knows he's fcked#but like . what's he gonna do. ''hey i know that's bullshit'' like obviously not and partly bc of How he knows but also bc like#you just don't argue with the only guy who's caring for you while you're seemingly on the brink of death!! LMAO#and certainly not when he's the only one telling you you'll be fine!! even if he's just bullshitting you so you don't freak out!!#I DON'T KNOW i go kinda insane about this scene . as . you can tell.#if you too are insane about this and the implications . don't worry. in several months. my fic will feed you. you will see.#idk . larry lying to and/or for him <33333333 kinda makes me go insane. kinda makes me go wild.#idk. i should be getting ready for bed rn. WHATEVER. bye. logging off. if you read all these i'm in love with you okay#i've just been turngin them around in my head like a microwave for hours so i needed to infodump or else i would explode i think
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A moodboard for a Night Elf Death Knight, including pieces of Elune and the Alliance, for @i-have-all-the-genders!
⚓️
#mod flynn#scheduled shipment#world of warcraft kin#kin help#wow kin#night elf kin#death night kin#warcraft kin#again im always shocked by the lack of tags on my posts here#compared to the ones on my hs kin blog#oh well im uber proud of the middle image. had to edit that one together myself#i wasn't sure how to include the blood bit so i just went for general spooky death stuff
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#U Have No Idea How Much I Miss Her.#i need to start actually drawinf again its been a hellish 6 months#its really easy to just fall out of the habit of it#i used to obsess over never being someone who just suddenly stopped drawing for weeks/months#it scared me. like a core part of my identity would have to change for that to happen or would be changed by that happening#and then once i didn't draw and wasn't drawing i felt like i needed something to violently change about myself to get me to start doing it#again. but i didn't need that i just drew something again and that was it. like that stretch of time didn't happen#drawing is just an activity you can choose to do or not do and there are no consequences for whatever decision you chose to take but it felt#so serious to me it is like i viewed it like death#which i was right about in a way but mostly in how death is just a thing that happens and that it wont be that sudden and insane#you will just be and then not be just like how you weren't and now are. its just like me drawing or not drawing lol#but that comic of ht papyrus by jnpie where he's looking at the puzzles he used to make and wondering if he'll ever do that again. or if he#wants to. its like that feeling. it always sticks in my mind#i have like a fear of thinking about when i will no longer care about something i care about now and its so weird when. realize i stopped#wanting to do something and caring about it and. i feel nothing on account of no longer caring about it lol. but i know that past me#is currently looking forward at me now and terrified. this is unrelated to that comic a lot but its like. thinking about how i will change#words#mine#IM NOT TAGGING THE ART bc i wanna actually finish some of these pieces tbh and like they are just the backdrop for my thoughts...#feels so hashtag tumblr to talk to yourself about some vague ass feelings or situation that no one else will look at ugh thats like#The tumblr experience. but i love reading other's personal posts and tags though..
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Pfft. The people who thought Five was gonna be in high-school in the new season are stupid! Absolute morons!
#read tags#couldn't be me#this post is not about me guys#its about me. i lied#i didn't want to spread propaganda on purpose i swear#i just wanna see five in his school uniform again#i love s1 tua im gonna cry#please s1 was so good (not)#even if it wasn't good cause of the plot holes I'll still love it as it is#literally ranting in my tags omfg#the umbrella academy#umbrella academy#hargreeves siblings#the sparrow academy#tua season four#season 4#tua#five hargreeves#number five#umbrella acedmy#tua five#viktor hargreeves#tua s3#tua season 3
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Sorry to keep throwing Miscellaneous Asks your way, but I finally had a moment to get my thoughts in order on one of the points on your Venn diagram I wanted to talk about! I always kind of debate whether or not to send other, semi-unrelated long asks like this when we've already got a chain going, but oh well. I'll try and address anything brought up in response here in the main one and hopefully it doesn't get confusing lol.
So I was thinking about the extent of Jo and Arakawa's relationship. It is completely true there's not much you can say that's concrete, especially since most of what we see is from Jo's perspective. Although his perspective is crucial to forming an understanding of their relationship, it's not sufficient. This is particularly the case because, coming back to giri-ninjo for a moment, Jo is largely bound by giri; it's clear his loyalty runs deep, but it's not a choice for him.
Arakawa, on the other hand, can choose who he places his trust in, especially early on. And I think it's incredibly important that, despite having men who've already been with him from day 1, men who've already been helping him with his son, Arakawa chooses to "place every confidence" in Jo (per an old Famitsu profile, one of the first official ones) and chooses to make Jo his captain.
Similarly, he kind of chooses Jo "over" Ichi in sending Ichi to prison "instead of" Jo. Perhaps the family really would collapse without Jo's talents, but… does it have to collapse entirely? Didn't Arakawa make it pretty far on his own? I guess it's neither here nor there, but I've always wondered if things would've really played out as feared if Jo went to prison instead. Not to understate Jo's role in the family, of course.
Anyway, I think that trust shows not only in overt gestures such as entrusting Masato and the family's finances to Jo, but also in more subtle behind-the-scenes ways, such as what we were talking about before with regard to New Year's 2001. There's also the fact that leaking information to Aoki was Jo's idea; for that to be the case, Arakawa would have to discuss Aoki's threats at length with Jo. (Unrelated, but come to think of it, "complying with him [to] make him see value in keeping us around" is very often the strategy of victims of abuse and neglect…)
And this one's an underrated detail many people miss, but after Arakawa shot Ichi, while he was able to come up to Ichi to tell him he's counting on him and sneak in the fake bill, if the goal was to not arouse suspicion, I don't think he would exactly have been able to excuse himself from the dinner to drive Ichi to Yokohama. Time was of the essence in terms of Ichi's survival, so that leaves Jo, who was conveniently already at the scene and who was certainly in on the "secret rule" that constitutes part of the Arakawa Family's agreement with the homeless camp. Overall, there is a pattern of Arakawa approaching Jo before anyone else, isn't there?
Sort of branching off of that, I would personally feel comfortable saying that Jo knows Arakawa better than anyone else. He seems to know details about Akane and New Year's 1976 no one else does, details Arakawa would have had to volunteer himself, and that plus his own experiences are what allow him alone to have the most complete picture of that night.
I also get the impression Jo understands Arakawa better as a person than anyone else--certainly better than Aoki, but perhaps even better than Ichi in some cases. There are multiple instances where he defends Arakawa and challenges their perceptions of him--that he's "betrayed" the Tojo Clan, that he's betrayed Aoki, that he's the type to scheme and make power-plays behind Aoki's back. He hasn't. And, despite how little Jo's "allowed" to say, he turns out to be right every time. Also worth noting Arakawa does something similar in asking Ichi to try and understand Jo's frustrations, though he's more or less enabling Jo's abuse in doing so.
Lastly, The Smallest Detail that drives me kind of insane. Them arriving at the office in the back seat of the same car in one of Ichi's flashbacks. I wouldn't think too much of it if it were any other time of day, but the first-thing-in-the-morning quality and the fact Jo isn't driving (thus it's not as an act of service but as an equal) is like… Okay. You're carpooling to work. And if you're not carpooling, you're honest-to-god living together. What the hell.
So a lot of it is this web of inferences--it has to be, at least currently--but I really do think there's a lot to chew on. More than meets the eye, anyway. I've also been stewing in all of this for years, especially since drafting Jo's relationships section, so I might just have inhaled the fumes for too long lol
Thank you for coming to me about the nature of their relationship! Although I did put it down as being more-or-less 'uncertain' on my chart, I do agree that their relationship isn't as cut-and-dry as other relationships might be (it's going back to appreciating the complexities of RGG relationships, especially in the case of the Arakawa's where for every party involved it really IS complicated)
I wanted to exclude making any definitive statements on things that couldn't be verified without making a detour on the original post (I know I already mentioned frequently that Arakawa is able to joke about Jo being 'softer' on Masato, but I do think about their relationship often and the implied depth of Jo's loyalty if- as you said- he was able to climb through the ranks of the Arakawa family much quicker than preexisting members), but there are clear points in the game that due allude to a great trust between the two (and I also note that carpooling detail during Ichi's flashback- or at the very least I know I'd find myself noticing Jo sitting in the back opposed to the front/driving). It's definitely not hard to assert that Jo knows Arakawa well either, it's hard not to come to that conclusion when we have evidence from the game to infer that.
#long post#fave#i should prob come up with an actual tag for these asks so i can easily find them and not sift through my other fave'd posts#ill do it in the morning im right about to go to bed but i just saw this pop up on my notifications#and well. we know me i've been presented an itch i have to scratch LMAO#snap chats#i feel a bit silly now- i know that their relationship isn't exactly. 'uncertain' but i didnt want to put that so i didn't appear#hmm.. i dont know the word for it.#i guess because it's not AS blatant as daigo and mine's relationship was#i didnt want to make it appear as though i was saying theres more when there isnt?? tho there definitely is..#its a little evident i Am interested in the depths of their relationship so i promise ive thought about it#maybe i just wasnt sure how to exactly word it.. though in review the way i worded it on my chart#wasn't HORRIBLE. to most standards anyway i think however it definitely undermines the bond they have and for that#'ashamed' is hyperbolic i feel like someone would say so we'll go with 'embarrassed' to meet in the middle#but thats the benefit of peer review isnt it- just to help catch your mistakes or to help reaffirm ideas so im grateful!#but x2 again in review im a silly coward for doubting my gut on that#tho i sort of do want to torch that post- i wont tho. it's not supposed to be SUPER deep just very quick notes#so i guess i'll save the Deep Dive on jo and masumi's relationship for a future post. is what ill tell myself to keep myself sane#thank you for compiling- i suppose i'll call- their moments together !#it's a great way to keep track of every important note on their relationship that i hope people will take note of if they havent
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i've rambled a lot about it before but as a disabled persson who gott sick later in life and lost their ability to do a hobby / passion almost entirely, i've internalized all those tumblr posts about like. "making art even if it looks bad" etc etc and its part of the reason we still draw. beccause we're a heavy perfectionist and we no longer have the energy ever to draw, and when we do we burn ourself out because of how much energy it takes now to do a full piece. our art has noticably stagnated since we got sick compared to before we were sick, and that's fine. it hurts a lot some days knowing my skills stagnated, that im probably stuck or going to improve slower than my peers, but its fine. i can never really word it. something something art was my passion and im happy that, even if i had to adjust to being sick, i can sstill make art.
i dont know how much sense im making, but losing the ability to draw for almost a year or two due to how sick i was was awful, and being able to finally come back from that is so special to me and i cherish my art so much more than i did and i just needed to get the words out there.
#disabled#cane user#osdd system#did system#spoonie#chronic pain#chronically ill#chronic fatigue#idiopathic intracranial hypertension#optic nerve hypoplasia#ocular motor apraxia#cerebellar hypoplasia#i was born disabled but for the sake of this post i just said i became sick later in life#because i wasn't sick up until 2020#i was still disabled though#art has always been so important to us and we've always been so passionate about it and losing it was scary so finally being able to do it-#again is so special to me. am i making sense#mutuals ignore this im in a mood#zim.txt#i would tag all my issues but we dont have a diagnosis for all of them :thumbs_up:
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#look this was probably the most experimental post i've ever done considering i had to make the newspaper article from scratch#and to be entirely honest i uuuh im not happy with it lmao#i should've done an obituary instead of the article but too late ! i have no energy to start again#but whatever .the point is that the article is supposed to allude to alex's death okay so yes obituary would've worked better but too bad#idk i think i just had a massive brain blegh halfway through which sucks because i was thinking about this post all day#but the idea behind the whole concept and the QUOTE in the first place and the stupid article concept#was the idea that nigel wasn't the only one to kill himself at the end of the film#alex did too . just not in the literal sense#alex kills the old version of himself . kills the who he used to be#this did not do that quote or the intention behind the post justice but i'm just gonna dump it here and go#also deep in tags is the best place for me to put the random shit i'm thinking of and i've had the trainyard scene on my mind lately#but i left my thoughts to simmer too long and now it's been reduced into thickness 😞 but anyway#greg may have been too much of a coward to give them the maraclea ending they deserved#but he will never be able to take away the fact that the trainyard scene will always be their version of the myth TO ME and me only probs#okay because that story is supposed to parallel the typical conventions of marriage - the consumation when he lays with the body#and then 9 months later the skull symbolises a birth resulting from their union#that moment at the railway ? where nigel shoots himself with the very gun alex is holding?#that's their consumation babes; their union; their wedding#'pray for me pray for yourself we're one now' may as well be their vows#and what do we get as a result of that union 9 months later? we get jack#jack is the product of these 2 people becoming 1 and just like the skull granted great power to the lord#so too does jack grant power to alex; the power to take control of his life and forge his own path forward#me making this post 🤝 cats : oooooo big stretch#seriously#lowkey glad no one will see this in the tag search lmao#like minds
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hey guys im back at it again with the horrible levels of s4 zam brainrot. um.
did i manage to somehow make this song about him in my head? yes! yes i did. and i cannot be normal about it.
#haunted ecosystem#genuinely when youre insane enough about your blorbos everything is about them. this is one of those cases#also i might be writing some more things. and probably watching some vods.#im writing something to post as a general christmas gift fic (as i've done for the last like. two years? in my heart at least) alongside#the two event fics i have in the works PLUS the twb flash prompt event im participating in :)#expect some more bizarre concept fics soon i think! i might also pick up some older threads that i havent touched#i think it'll be fun since my muse is definitely leaning toward writing zam. i love writing him honestly#i have a thing for distinctly pathetic and paranoid characters (see: my adoration for outsiders!apo & pandora [oc])#who knew i'd enjoy writing characters i relate to#is it weird to say that the general concept of asomatous and the stuff i want to write related to it is very near to my heart. and like#its very personal. its inspired by my experiences you see. the concept of losing sight of reality in isolation and also just#the bugs. i never had a moment with bug pinning but i did have a problem with collecting the corpses of animals i found dead#once spring rolls around im going to work on processing them and giving them proper display and love#AAANYWAYS#ohhhh my god i should finish up bedrock shards and bloody garden#those two are my og fics for this fandom. i want to complete them and share them even if they arent fully how i view the characters now#i think its interesting to share and show initial impressions and also show how i wasn't fully sure about these guys#(also i love how i didnt understand the concept and mechanics of the cleansing but its still Present because it was before s5 so like#it was either s3 or abandon canon and i was sooooo afraid of leaving canon behind in favor of exploring)#my talking in tags habit is showing again.... woops#does anybody even read these? i have no clue#if you do i am so sorry for my habit of talking about dead animals. good lord. it happens so often#i forget it isnt normal until people point it out. having to explain that *yes* i collect dead things is. fun#oh man i have some coyote skulls i really need to clean at some point. its just a pain since i need to get the cage out again and prep them#since the method that got recommended to me is actually bad for the bones (since it involves essentially cooking them which softens#the bones and makes them a lot more likely to break or splinter. so i need to leave them out or bury them and im still not sure which wil#work better. it really depends on if spring is going to be dry as hell again or not. im rambling AND off topic. woops)#Spotify
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Uhh bonus picture of my gecko, because I look at time zones wrong and it turns out Good omens is coming out tonight at 5pm for me and not at midnight- like I originally thought. God, I'm such a dumbass 😭
But putting my dumbass besides the point right now- ITS HERE ITS FUCKING HERE IN JUST ONE FUCKING HOUR
#I was SUPPOSED to wait for my aunt becuwse I thought I wasn't going to be able to watch it as soon as it premiered anyway but FUCK#I LOVE YOU TIA BUT IM SORRY#im binging it all tonight and ill just rewatch it with her#AGAIN IM SORRY BUT GOOD OMENS IS STRONGER THAN BLOOD#ILL BUY HER SOME HOT CHEETOS TO MAKE UP FOR IT ITS OKAY#STILL CAN'T BELIEVE WE'RE SO CLOSE#also omg have you guys seen the good omens tag it's trending and there's been over 1k posts today#fucking impressive#good omens#ineffable husbands#good omens s2#good omens 2#ineffable countdown#gecko countdown#good omens countdown#leopard gecko
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