#this was triggered by the scene of Glen's phone call

[riverdale-retread]

Riverdale S7 E13 (Chapter 130) The Crucible

[Weird little translation note from an international viewer: There are apparently some titles that the Netflix Korea translator refuses to translate into Korean for the international release, and some they will translate.  The Crucible is one where the title is sounded out phonetically, which is very funny because the Arthur Miller play actually has a well known Korean title. The other deemed-untranslatable episode titles were Peep Show, Dirty Dancing, Hoop Dreams, Halloween 2, and After the Fall)]

The music is all jazzy film noir-ish at the opening of this episode as we slowly zoom in on Jughead in his very luxurious train car.  The sheer beauty of the innards of this thing take me by surprise every time.  Jughead is in suspenders, with what for him is sort of his Little Black Dress - a white t shirt under a button up shirt with suspenders over it. He looks upset and wan.

How does a fire start? he asks, or rather, types.  

The fire might start with the English teacher, who has thus far paid Jughead’s actual career as a writer zero attention whatsoever (but does Jughead even go to school anymore other than to yell at people about milk or to get yelled at by the principal in the office?) but is cultivating Archie’s gifts as a poet (by letting him come and sit in the classroom to scribble in semi privacy?).  It might begin with Veronica Lodge, looking kewpie doll adorable in her perfect hair (that my very valuable mutual taught me was a wig! I somehow never thought about it being a wig!), startled to find a tall clean shaven man smiling down at her in her elevator at home.  It took me a long time to realize this was GLEN.  

HI GLEN.

Glen without facial hair and in 1950s get up looks disconcertingly like a young Harrison Ford and goddamn you Roberto I refuse to find Glen hot  on principle so fuck off.

The fire may begin with Betty coming home to find that her phone  has been confiscated (by her mother, most likely).  Betty has an ugly little ornamental bear on her bedside table.  Is that meaningful?

Or maybe the fire starts in a classroom, where Betty and Kevin are acting out some scene from Tennessee Williams, the themes of which are “Crisis in the South/ Mendacity/ Nihilism.”

The only play they could be doing is of course Cat On a Hot Tin Roof which … this is the one time a Riverdale reference to a classical literature work is actually spot on and it’s making me feel very sour.  The teacher sings their praises, calling their performance better than what she saw on Broadway.  

(Also scratch what I said earlier about Jughead going to school  - he’s there in class in the back, two rows behind Betty).   Evelyn looks very pissy about this whole situation.  Why am I being made to identify with Evelyn?

Principal Weatherbee bursts in.  As a repressed closeted homosexual in denial about his feelings for his best friend and coworker he is likely to be very triggered by Cat on a Hot Tin Roof.  He just opens the door with “That’s enough.”  He has Sheriff Keller and Clifford Blossom in tow (but not Werthers).  In front of all her students, the teacher is led out like she’s done something terrible.  Wearing an extremely campy red velvet jacket trimmed in black satin, Clifford Blossom steps into the class to stand right in front of a poster of Oscar Wild.  I just now noticed that his hair isn’t red in this. It’s blonde. Why is it blonde?

The mayor takes it upon himself to tell the kids that the English teacher has been fired.  Their new teacher is going to be - of all people - Penelope Blossom.  Atonal demon music plays as Penelope saunters in right on cue - which means she just stood out there in the all while Featherhead did his bursting in and escorting out - wearing a necklace that looks like it’s made of black scarab beetles.  Her outfit is the color inverse of her husband's - black with red color accents.  The Blossom children have no idea what is happening but they know it’s really bad, giving each other “Are you seeing this?” type of looks. Archie was the only student to actually speak up in defense of the teacher, and he continues to do so now that the bad news has been announced. 

Penelope Blossom just has so much presence!  Can’t we have more of her and less of the very boring Clifford Blossom?

Archie continues to be the one to use his privilege for the good (unlike say, Julian Blossom or Kevin Keller, whose fathers are directly involved in this debacle), wanting to know what exactly is going on.

Mrs. Thornton is accused of being a communist!  Dun Dun Dunnn~   Penelope intones that “The Red Menace has come to Riverdale.”  Right on cue, Evelyn turns around to take a look at the known Lavender Menace in the classroom - Cheryl- as Cheryl realizes that this is not going to go away easily and already feels exhausted by life. 

After the class, the core seven (this is um, NO JUGHEAD, but Toni, Cheryl, Clay, Archie, Kevin, Betty and Veronica) convene in the student lounge to try to figure out what is going on.  Betty wants to know if Archie can shed more light, since he’s been getting special tutoring from Mrs. Thornton. Archie is in the closet about his poetry, so he sounds sus as he says that Mrs Thornton just isn’t like that.   Veronica’s chest ribbon is HUGE and makes her look very very tiny.  Cheryl says that there must’ve been some sort of cause, but Veronica says that the Red Scare in Hollywood was terrible.  She starts explaining the McCarthy Era to the people who are still in 1955 which is so weird, because the televised hearings started in 1954, so this is another instance when the “1955” of this show has nothing to do with the real “1955” except for the part where Fred Andrews died in Korea.

Anyway, Kevin (because of course he does) staunchly defends his father (indirectly) by assuming that nobody would do anything bad to anyone in America unless they deserved it.  (Unlike say, when your father hires a prostitute to force you into having het sex and things like that).   Veronica disagrees. 

Jughead does not give a hoot what happened to the English teacher.  Ethel doesn’t either.  They are off looking to celebrate the publication of the comic that Featherstone decided to publish last episode.   The friendzoning continues - Jughead calls it “your” first comic to which Ethel corrects, “our” first comic.  But her brown checked skirt matches his brown checked jacket!   The vendor, who is a crusty old man, says he no longer carries “Pit of the Perverse” at all because it’s “unamerican smut.” All around him are faces of pretty girls smiling invitingly out from covers with titles like “Flash Bulb” and “Women of Today.”  The man even yells at the pair to go away. 

At Thornton House, Cheryl is being interrogated by her parents about her unamerican public kiss with Toni at the Halloween Party.  Red Menace, Lavender Menace (which is a Betty Friedan phrase, the homophobia of which was one the major failings of the initial Second Wave liberal white feminist movement in America) - it’s all the same to Clifford Blossom. He wants it stamped out.  

The thing is, the Blossoms are scary, abusive people but I weirdly admire them (no please, hear me out) for not being hypocrites.  When they say they want to ‘stamp out’ unamerican (™) activities, they start by torturing their own kid.  

Cheryl also has a spine of steel.  Though visibly frightened (and fully aware of her father’s homicidal impulses and callousness about his children) Cheryl says she will not be naming names.  She calls him a jackal. Bravo.

Sadly, they already have a list of names compiled for the targeting.  What they want is for Cheryl to just corroborate.  This will allow her to ‘redeem’ herself.  

The names on this list are:  Cheryl Blossom (as NUMBER 1), Toni, Kevin, Clay, and then a bunch of people we don’t know - Chris Henderson, John Maclean, Jessical Leetola, Connor Rielley, Colin Ellis, and Kathleen Ross.)  Cheryl absolutely refuses, except Clifford has her number - he threatens the only thing she cares about, the Vixens. “Anything but that Daddy!” Cheryl pleads, but she is not granted clemency.

At the same time, Veronica comes home to find Hiram Lodge is in the apartment.  The number of ways and things that Hiram lies about in his conversations with Veronica are truly very toxic. He says he missed her, to which Veronica is unmoved, so then he bribes her with a Faberge egg, to which she wants to know who he fucked around with on her mom.  Infidelity is something he’s very willing to own up to.   This toxic dad also knows his daughter’s main weakness - she is very lonely  So he says that he wants to meet her friends as he offers her a hug.  This, she can’t resist.

The next day, Veronica brings Hiram to school like it’s show and tell.  She’s dressed in the most demure, matronly outfit I’ve seen her in to date, complete with a matching pearl necklace-and-bracelet set.  So these are her group of friends yes, but like, it’s funny how she’s dated, kissed or wooed or was wooed by the majority of her friend circle. (Betty, Clay, Archie, Julian) leaving out only Kevin, Cheryl and Toni. 

Kevin is so horny and shameless.  Ugh.

Cheryl pointedly says that the first season of Oh Mija was the best one (hahaha) because it went downhill after that.  Featherhead has asked Hiram to be a guest lecturer (because I guess even he knows Penelope Blossom may not actually want to teach the kids anything), especially because this is monologue day at English class. 

Julian Blossom is up first!

He does the Hamlet To Be or Not to Be soliloquy.  Apparently neither Kevin nor Archie knew that this was  a speech about contemplating suicide.   Hiram is weirdly macho about it, asking of Julian is a man, because Hamlet was a man.  I mean, Hamlet was a man but his whole problem was being emasculated, I thought?  He doesn’t really achieve any of his goals, has his place in succession stolen from him by his uncle and does literally nothing about it for months and months other than dither, kill the wrong person, and drive poor Ophelia to suicide.  

For some reason, Hiram giving Julian what sound like pretty sound corrections to the way he’s delivering a speech that’s very challenging to sound convincing makes everyone chuckle throughout. Is this supposed to be in reaction to like, Hiram’s star power?  They’re just delighted and nervous that a real life sitcom actor is giving their Julian Blossom an acting lesson?  

After the class, Betty goes to see the principal, who tells her that the Blue and Gold is going to be defunded with the loss of Mrs Thornton, who was the faculty advisor.  Featherhead has already made up his mind, so Betty charges into the newspaper room and liberates the typewriter there.

This is very interesting, that first Archie and now Betty are acquiring the instruments and drive for writing now that they never ever talk to Jughead Jones. 

Cheryl has gathered the three other known homosexuals that were on the list into the music room, to update them and to freak out about potentially losing the Vixens. She doesn’t feel the need to inform anyone she isn’t personally friends with. She needs to know who sold her out.  Who stands to gain the most from getting her off the Vixens?   

Evelyn!

So she confronts Evelyn immediately.  I love Evelyn and how Evil she is.  She’s so calm and reserved and coiled and hateful.   Cheryl is protesting entirely way too much, which gives Evelyn the upper hand. 

In the principal’s office, Featherhead wants to know if Mrs. Thornton was trying to “indoctrinate” Archie, who doesn’t know what that word means.  Werther says that civil disobedience and revolution is happening in Cuba and can’t happen here.  I mean, it wasn’t necessarily due to Mrs. Thornton that Archie started that unionized coup against Clifford Blossom, but I don’t think either man knows about that. 

Veronica is doing a full show and tell of her life, bringing Hiram to the movie theater.  The one he wanted to raze and make into a parking lot.  He tells her it’s tremendous, which is so insincere,but Veronica bless her is just too lonely to see it.   As soon as Hiram is off to see the afternoon movie, in comes Glen, who wants to know what Veronica’s relationship is with Hiram.  I see that even though he looks like Harrison Ford when clean cut, he’s still dumb as a bag of bricks because he did not realize that Veronica Lodge was Hiram Lodge’s daughter.  

At Pep Comics, Ethelhead tell of their recent misadventures to Fieldstone.  He already knows that his comics are being rejected, and that it’s an emergency.  He’s very upset.  They’re getting graphic hatemail.  They’re going to “hunker down and weather this storm.”  I like Fieldstone for how adorable he finds Ethel. Everything she says makes him laugh or call her Freckles or Girl Genius.  Ethel wants a copy of her newly published work.  Then Ethelhead, without having to even say anything, just read each other’s minds and take bundles to sell on their own cognizance.

At home, Betty is soliciting anonymous submissions to her magazine, “The Teenage Mystique.”  …. I mean. Betty Friedan published The Feminine Mystique in 1963 and I am not ok with a seminal work of feminism being consumed in this way by this piece of pop media.  Betty Cooper uses “The Girl Next Door” as her moniker, shoving her invitation sheet into every single locker. 

Now that he doesn’t have a quiet classroom to write poetry in, Archie has to try to eke out some space, much like Jane Austen or Emily Dickinson, to work on his writing.  He flips out when Uncle Fucking Frank barges in, demanding to know what he is up to.

Uncle Frank and his obsession with Archie is very disturbing. Also does he still live in this house?  Does Mary just lock herself into the master bathroom and sleep in the bathtub at night?   Anyway, when Archie who acted like he’d been jerking it to hardcore gay porn eventually says that he was working on his writing, Uncle Frank says he came in to police Archie’s sexuality again.    But the scary interrogation of the afternoon has definitely taught Archie what “indoctrination” means.  It’s not sufficiently heterosexual of him, as a man, to write poetry for any purpose than to make some girl swoon and “get with” him.  Except given the events of the past season, they don’t really want any girl to “get with” him either.  No peep shows through windows between houses like 5 feet apart  with Betty.  And if he had impregnated Cheryl they were both going to have to get married.  So the repression that is being laid on Archie is just as contradictory and repressive as what is being laid on Betty (except she’s much more abnormal about how horny it seems to make her) . He can’t be insufficiently straight and manly, but being ultra straight and manly (i.e. succeeding in impregnating a girl) would also be a disaster.

Plus.

PLUS.

The very single, very childless, only works with minor teen boys Uncle Fucking Frank trying to control Archie’s outward behavior to keep him on the “straight and narrow” is fully ridiculous.  I hate Frank so much.  Why oh Why is Mary considered too inept to mother Archie, when she goes out of her way to cockblock Beronica’s kiss by essentially haranguing a doorman to let her break into someone else’s apartment??

At the Pembroke, Veronica wants to know why the FBI is following Hiram. Hiram says he’s being investigated as a possible communist, because he went to Cuba the year before to buy cigars.  Another lie comes out before he actually says the truth - the lie was that he came to Riverdale to hide out.  The truth is that he needs Veronica to lie for him to the government.  She balks because lying to the government scares her.  He pretends there’s an out for her - he’s “meeting with a lawyer” but in the end he trusts she’ll throw herself into the fire for him. 

The next day, Glen is waiting for her at school.  Glen says that he’s been assigned to her, and that someone else has followed Hiram to NYC.  Veronica wants to see proof, to which Glen says to get into the car.  She does!  

Archie sees Veronica get into the car, and she sees him as they drive by.  Of course, the place they go to is the diner.   Glen shows Veronica photos of Hiram at the same table in Cuba as “Fidel Mastro.”  The person that Veronica is upset to be seeing in the photo is the blonde lover at Hiram’s side.

Archie has tracked down his English teacher by looking her up in the phone book. She is packing up to leave, moving to Greendale, to be a library there as a volunteer.  Apparently that River makes all the difference - it refused admittance to Julian Blossom, dunking him and making him come out the other end of it as someone who is an ally to Cheryl for one. Mrs Thornton says really contradictory things - that there’s a “job waiting for me” but also that it’s “volunteer.”  OK but ma’am what will you live on? 

No matter. 

When Archie expresses his confusion about the state of the world, his teacher hands him a copy of The Crucible by Arthur Miller.   Archie says he was going to do Biff’s monologue from Death of a Salesman, but now he’s going to pick something out of The Crucible.

OMG is this why Jughead picked the name Biff for Archie when they run away together in Season 3?   The key bit of that monologue is this:  “And I never got anywhere because you blew me so full of hot air I could never stand taking orders from anybody! That’s whose fault it is!”   Biff is saying this to Willy, the salesman.  

The teacher gives him a benediction, that strangely sounds exactly like what Hiram said earlier in the day to Julian: “Words have power.”  She keeps telling him he’s “more than” a Biff type (when Jughead in the OG timeline reduced him exactly to it??).  They give each other a hug of farewell. 

Meanwhile, Ethelhead are running a brisk, literally  under the table business, selling Pep Comic books, sitting back to back.  I love their partnership.  Jughead totally acts like he’s selling contraband weapons or something. He’s so dorky, I love him. he feels like he’s being such a badass, while Ethel just likes this entire exercise.

At the Dark Room, Cheryl is having another panic attack about potentially getting kicked out of the Vixens.  The other gays have come up with a plan, to ape lavender marriages.  Conveniently for them there’s one white and black person in each homosexual pairing, which obviates the need for a race discussion should it ever come up.  Cheryl gravely says that going in the closet like that seems to betray Toni’s principles.   Toni, who as we’ve seen all season doesn’t really have principles, lies again. Instead of saying, I want to hunker down and survive to see another day (like the much more honest Fieldstone), Toni says she’s allowing this charade for “all our sakes.” 

Archie finds The Crucible extremely riveting.

Veronica is sadly mulling things over in her apartment, with liquor.  Hiram comes in late from New York to say that his attempt to buy his way out of his problem did not work out.  He needs her to commit perjury on his behalf.  Veronica confronts him with the fact that his trip to Cuba was in service of an affair with a Kelly (the name of the actors’ IRL wife, which was a very cute reference).  When Veronica sounds unwilling to acquiesce to his demands, Hiram reverts to villainy which is his true form and threatens her, saying that it wouldn’t be a favor for HIM if she commits perjury - it would be self protective for her, because he would lose everything if the story came out that he was in violation of his morality clause.  Veronica shoots back that she already went through the experience of banishment and life in exile.  She’s so lonely, as I’ve said, and she’s genuinely hurt that her initial intuition (Hiram would not show up unannounced and play all nicey nice unless there was a direct personal benefit she could do at her cost for him) was correct.  “What you should be asking me for is mercy!” she cries, before storming off. 

The next day, the Lavender Marriages storm the halls in patented Cheryl SloMo (™) which I don’t remember seeing much this season.  Evelyn, wearing an appropriately lavender cardigan, is very annoyed by this workaround that the four homosexuals have found. Apparently, their queerness was an open secret, which is very very weird to me.  Midge for one seems disappointed with Cheryl, who refuses to look at her.  But everyone else is equally perturbed by these two pairings. 

Archie is very nervous about trying to give his monologue from The Crucible.  Penelope Blossom is teaching the class, sort of, I mean - she’s dressed up for it and in the classroom, standing like a Dior New Deal costume model in a very red dress.  The thing is, she doesn’t seem to know what The Crucible is, which is surprising, and even more surprising, she didn’t insist on cross checking what the students were going to be performing before letting them.

Suddenly Archie is giving the John Proctor speech and uh -

I -

oh help- 

I don’t want to be here.

This is the most grating thing I’ve ever seen on Riverdale and this includes a lot of the hideous singing and dancing and poorly transposed musical numbers and so on.  I get very annoyed when shows do this, having actors “play” people who “play” at “acting.”  It’s so self referential and masturbatory, sort of like how when movie people make movies about making movies they act like all the normal “This is what happens on a job” stuff is the most momentous thing ever and simultaneously they refuse to deal with the actual documented problems of their industry that are unique to just themselves 

Ok so as far as that speech goes, John Proctor at the end of his rope, giving the thesis statement of the play etc, Archie (and KJ Apa’s) delivery is fine.  He is doing all the correct actor-y things with his voice, going from screaming (but not to harsh) to suddenly dropping in volume (but not to the point of being inaudible), trembling with emotion but not enough to obscure diction, and his eyes also fill with tears but not enough to make his sinuses get sloppy.   It’s all… fine. But this level of sincerity completely and high emotionality goes completely against the bouncy surreality of everything that S7 (and all the seasons before) have relied on to be watchable.  

This is how Riverdale loses even by winning.  KJ Apa works everything he knows how to do as an actor (activating tear ducts at will, flexible eyebrows, vocal chord range deployment, breathing techniques, working outside his native accent) so that Archie the character gives a professional-grade burst of emotion for his monologue class at school, and yet, because it just does not fit with anything Riverdale has ever done, it completely shatters the immersion in the narrative for me and all I am left with is 

CRINGE.

But anyway. the power of Arthur Miller’s words supposedly gives Cheryl some sort of realization, because she marches down to the principal’s office to face off against her father, the principal and Werthers.   She tells the three men that she will never cooperate with them, and has a wonderful moment:

“I, Cheryl Blossom, hereby and willingly, end my stewardship of the River Vixens.”  

I really, really needed this palate cleanser after what they made Archie do.  Thank god for Cheryl. 

She also tells them of the Lavender Marriage workaround, before joining the gay kids of Riverdale club. “Clearly, we don’t live in a just world,” she says, bumping shoulders with Kevin.

The thing is, this feels like a course correction to the plotline that lead me to hate Kevin - that is, he was in the closet for real, lying to himself and to Betty and everyone else about what the hell he was up to.  With this lavender marriage situation though, the show seems to be positing that there is such a thing as a ‘good and useful’ closet.  If you construct it and climb into it yourself - and everyone sort of kind of knows you’re lying - then it’s fine. (Is it?)  And I must still ask - WHY IS IT CHERYL THAT HAS TO GIVE ANYTHING UP?  Because think about it - Kevin nor Clay nor Toni have had to give up a single one of their hobbies or group affiliations. It’s just Cheryl that had to give up something she held to a religious level of importance.  

Why is Kevin not expected to confront his father about being a lackey to the mayor? Oh right, because even Betty finds his relationship with Clay ‘dreamy.’  [Vomit]

Cheryl says she’s happy to have even a small amount of space on earth to live her truth.  Toni hopes Evelyn breaks her neck cheerleading.

Veronica approaches Archie to say that it was quite the speech.   She gives him a kiss on the cheek, and then they kiss each other.  Archie is very surprised, but not displeased.  Veronica looks very serious.

Ok.

Ok SHOW?

FUCKING SHOW ME ANOTHER BERONICA KISS PLEASE.

Back at the diner, an Asian boyscout (or whatever they’re called) is asking for  Pit of the Perverse #32 . Jughead has been marking up 10 cent issues all the way up to a quarter for his sales.  The boyscout turns out to be a plant, and this is a raid. Keller is doing this with his time.  The jig is up, so they have to turn over their stash to the cops.  It’s very funny to me that Jughead completely expected to be SHOT for selling the comic books - he was this close to demanding that they not shoot.

Jughead has Ethel  at his home again, and the two of them celebrate with milkshakes and a “god bless America toast” about the money they’ve made. 

At the Pembroke, Hiram and Veronica are having dinner together (Cooked by who I wonder?).  Hiram is trying to ingratiate himself to his clearly not very happy daughter, but all he can offer is his own show (“A new episode of Oh Mija!”).  This is absolutely the wrong thing to say, and Veronica takes off in a huff. 

The next day at school, Archie is taking things out of his locker.  He seems to only have images of male baseball players on the inside - a cover of Batter, and a picture of someone pitching a ball but somehow also called the Bulldogs. Just then, a woman asks him if he’s Archie Andrews.

And it’s Geraldine Grundy, this time as an English teacher.  She’s wearing a white cardigan with gold embroidery that I think is supposed to have some sort of angelic effect but I am too consumed with the question WHY THE FUCK IS SHE HERE to really be persuaded.  She’s taking over for Mrs. Thornton.  Archie looks very smitten immediately.  Grundy claims to have attended Mt. Holyoke together with Mrs. Thornton and in the name of Emily Dickinson, I banish thee!  Shoo! Away with you!   So she seems to appreciate Archie’s poetry from what she’s heard from Mrs. Thornton.  Archie wants to keep things discreet because his uncle hates the idea of his writing poetry. But then Grundy ruins it by whispering “IT CAN BE OUR LITTLE SECRET” like a total creeper, then she dangles her husband, an alleged poet.

In the Principal’s office, the hideous white men are going over their loot of confiscated comic books.  There’s so many of these.  Werther’s is very pissed off.  There’s something about his presence that renders his lover (sorry, I just keep interjecting my headcanon about this but otherwise their relationship makes no sense to me) Featherhead completely mute.  I don’t care about them enough to go all the way back and check, but I feel like at some point Werther’s dominance became such that Featherhead just nods and mimes with his face when Werthers is speaking.  Werthers wants to do something he calls “Full measures.”  Kevin’s dad makes like Kevin and is spineless.

Meanwhile, in English class, Veronica is doing King Lear.  She’s giving Cordelia’s refusal speech.   The person who understands exactly what Veronica is going through, with an overbearing, criminal father, is Cheryl.  Betty is sad because Veronica is clearly sad, but it’s Cheryl that understands her.  While this excellence is going on, Grundy is fucking making eyes at Archie, who reciprocates because he doesn’t ever not.

Later that day, Veronica brings an affidavit with the correct set of lies to her father.  She says she did it for her mother, then starts laying out conditions.  She wants her father to tell her mother that he’s cheating on her. She also wants the title to the Pembroke.  The way this father daughter pair constantly fight over real estate, and the supreme importance of paperwork to their relationship is an odd constant.  I have issues with Cordelia  - The great tragedy of King Lear, to me, isn’t that King Lear has evil daughters.  It’s that King Lear is a deeply stupid man who favored the child who most directly inherited his deep stupidity, the extremely stupid Cordelia.  I am immensely satisfied that Veronica finds a very Goneril/Regan type of solution to her Cordelia problem. Good for her. There’s a reason I love her so much. 

At the post office, Betty collects a literal BAG of mail.  Did post office rules in the US change sometime after the fifties?  Because you can’t actually send things that are addressed to something like “The Girl Next Door.”  The US Postal Service literally will not deliver if you give your addressee a title like that.  Oh but I guess this is Riverdale, not the US of A?  Or did Betty somehow manage to like, actually establish an LLC or something with the name “Girl Next Door”?!

Hermione has come home to the Pembroke literally the afternoon of the morning Hiram left, I guess.   Veronica says as much.   Hermione says that Oh Mija is going to shutter after “seven long seasons” because she is “ready for something new.”   She has extremely nervous hands while she’s announcing this plan to Veronica, fidgeting with her gloves and twitching her fingers. I think she has to let out her feelings in this digital dance because the expressive muscles of her face do not move much at all.    She also adds almost like an afterthought that she will be divorcing Hiram.  Veronica seems not particularly perturbed by this news. She reacts like she’s Hermione’s older sister, rather than her daughter. “What will you do?” as in - how will you cope? But also What will you live on? and so forth.  Hermione manipulates a promise to not have to spend Christmas by herself from Veronica, as though none of the rest of the season have actually happened. 

What absolute assholes both Hiram and Hermione are.  They both abandoned Veronica, banished her, locked her out of the house rendering her homeless on purpose in order to punish her for getting in the way of their parking lot real estate deal, but when the going gets tough, they both come to see her to demand her company, her fidelity and her services.  And she gives it to them, because Veronica is second only to Jughead Jones as the most love-starved character on Riverdale.  Poor baby.

Jughead gets to school the next day to fine that the whole student body is lined up with armfuls of comic books, trying to sell them to Werther.   Dilton doesn’t see what the harm would be, but later we are shown.  There is a cartoon Nazi style book burning which I would bet is taken shot for shot from Indiana Jones.  Cheryl is standing in for the Nazi Elsa (which is so not fair to her but ok) crying tears over the destruction of free speech and art.   The Riverdale Adventure Scouts stand in for the Indiana Jones  Hitler Jugend.

[raymondebidochonlifechoices]

Portrait of the FBI trainee as a young adult

or Some thoughts on how Riverdale aged up their teen protagonists

Jumping seven years in the future over the span of just seven days is not an easy feat, but it can certainly be done: changes in physical appearance and “adult” stories are very useful tools. But this is Riverdale, which means that, while all characters are adults in season 5, some characters are more adults than others.

Jughead Jones, Veronica Lodge and Toni Topaz, in particular, come to mind.

Adult Veronica has been blessed with a new sensational wardrobe befitting a more mature character. To be honest I’ve never met a 25-year-old dressed like Ronnie, however, her clothes are those of a grown up. Character-wise nothing has changed for adult Veronica. However, she had always been portrayed more like a young adult businesswoman than a typical teenager. So, in a way, post-time-jump Veronica hasn’t so much changed, as grown into her age. As a result, she might not be different from her pre-time-jump self, but she is convincing as an adult.

Toni had a similarly drastic change of wardrobe, accompanied by equally drastic changes in terms of her character: Toni is now pregnant but -most importantly- in a position of authority. She might not have her own story line yet as advertised (so far, she has supported the plots of Big Bad Hiram, Hero Archie, Investigator Betty and Isolation Queen Cheryl), however, in every scene she has been portrayed as someone dealing with adult responsibilities and being successful at that. She runs the Whyte Worm, she used to work at Riverdale Social Services, she’s Riverdale High School’s guidance counselor, she secures financing for the school and its activities, under her captaincy the Vixens have become a winning sports team heading out to championships. Adult Toni is drastically different from teen Toni.

The most adult character, however is Jughead. In terms of physical appearance, he has ditched his trademark beanie and very recognisable wardrobe for a new set of clothes, a couple of tattoos, glasses and facial hair (that some love and some hate). In terms of story lines, like Toni, he has the most adult ones. And the most different ones from those of his youth. He has meetings with his agent where he talks about his job. He no longer investigates to unravel Riverdale’s mysteries as much as he interviews people for a book, for which he already has a contract and a deadline. He takes a second job to make ends meet. He faces debt. He (supposedly) drinks a lot. As a teacher, his storyline has been the most realistic of them all. Instead of condoning dance-offs with 25-year-old Cheryl or being given a class of minions like Veronica (wasn’t that a very taciturn and obedient bunch …), Jughead is shown staying out late to prep for class and giving pop quizzes to students who are actually unprepared/bored/rude. Mobster-like debt collectors and alcoholism aside, his “adultness” is the most relatable and the most easily recognized as such.

And then, there’s Betty … Who, apart from her longer hair, has been given a mixed wardrobe of 1. new adult capri pants and heels, 2. her old high school combo of sweaters and collars (that she often wears when she investigates – which makes for quite the visual throwback to her high school sleuthing years) and 3. an FBI jacket than makes her look even younger than when she was blackmailing Donna back in the day. Betty’s natural make-up makes her look especially young. (Hadn’t Lili commented once upon a time about how they had gradually darkened Betty’s make up in s2 or 3?) In terms of characterisation, unlike Toni and Jughead, and much like Veronica, Betty is given the exact same material: in her case that’s: “investigating sleuth usually barging into places demanding answers”. Unlike Veronica, however, Betty has not grown into her role, because from Buffy the Vampire Slayer to Nancy Drew, the teenager-badass-investigator-played-by-an-older-actress has been an effing trope, and, so far, the writers have failed in differentiating between 18-year-old Betty and 25-year-old Betty in terms of dialogue, set ups, story lines, agency. In other words, FBI trainee Elizabeth Cooper lacks adult gravitas.

Disclaimer #1: this is in no shape or form a diss on the actress, whom I like a lot. This is a diss on the writers, who didn’t bother to update an extremely tropey character, when they updated her on-screen age.

Disclaimer #2: neither is this a diss on the actor playing Jughead, whom I also like a lot. Just because he’s getting better material, it doesn’t mean that he doesn’t put in the work: from suggesting the glasses to Jughead’s fed-up, weary, disbelieving or conspiracy-excited new mannerisms.

Then there’s also the matter of how Veronica, Archie and Jughead, all have regular partners for their post-time-jump story lines, whereas Betty has been given the short end of the scene partners stick.

>> Veronica’s foe is daddykins/Chad (who is, anyway, just another version of daddykins).

>> Archie’s story is Archie & his posse against the world. His partners even dress alike to reinforce the idea that they act as one unit! In 5x5 it is Archie and his posse of similarly leather-clad friends against the Ghoulies. In 5x6 it is Archie and his wannabe Bulldog students against the illusive football funding. In 5x7 it is Archie and his similarly dressed merry band of volunteer firefighters against the blazing inferno that is Riverdale.

>>Jughead shares half his scenes with the same new, exciting and extremely likable Tabitha Tate.

>> Betty’s scene partners, however, are seemingly whoever is available at the moment. Polly. Alice. Kevin. Archie if naked. Glen. A trucker. Dr Curdle Jr, A victim’s mother. Reggie. None of them stands out. As this is Riverdale, it’s hard to tell if this is bad writing (focusing on other characters and letting, for some reason, Betty fend for herself, counting on her popularity to maintain the viewers’ interest) or a conscious choice to portray her as being isolated. If, however, it’s the latter, it does the character no favours at all. Jughead’s also isolated, but his plot is new and exciting. In Betty’s case, 1. we’ve already watched the story of her searching for her missing sister when she was a sophomore and 2. I don’t particularly care about any of her scene partners, who are either secondary characters or people we’re not going to see ever again! And this makes her storyline, for lack of a better word: boring (or, in naked Justin Gingerlake’s case, extremely annoying).

I’m absolutely elated to see Betty investigate with Jughead, not only because this will eventually lead to Bughead, but also for the possibility that her mystery plot line will finally become more engaging. That’s not a very nice thought to have for your favourite female character. That’s not a very nice way to treat your most popular female character, especially when you have previously “gifted” her with a cheating story line and the least popular ship (yes, barchie, that’s you).

5x7 came and went and I’m still waiting to see what’s new about Betty Cooper and her storyline. (This is true about Veronica and Archie too, however, this is a bughead blog, so Jughead and Betty take priority! – and, also, let’s be honest, I never cared much about Archie.)

I do not appreciate that FBI trainee Cooper is written exactly the same way as teenager sleuth Betty. Why affiliate her to the FBI if you’re not going to give the character real authority? I do not appreciate the writing choices that make 5x5-5x7 Betty’s plot boring. Why come down so hard on your show’s most popular female character? I love Betty Cooper, both with Jughead and on her own. Likewise, I love Jughead both as part of bughead and on his own. Adult Jughead definitely has my attention. So, when may I have my interesting adult badass female character back?

[msjr0119]

Why me? - Introduction

This is my first attempt at writing something so it is a bit rubbish so I apologise. But the idea of the story is going to get better.

There will be domestic violence further on in the story.

Riley is forced out of Cordonia unknowingly to her friends, and moves back to New York.

She is later faced with her past from Cordonia and is hiding a few new secrets. With the help from her New York friends and friends from Cordonia will she escape her current situation and find her happy ever after?

- - - - - - - - - - - -

“What was that? More fireworks?”

“Not fireworks! Gunshots! Run!”

“Riley! Get down now!”

“Brooks, Riley! Run!”

It all felt like slow motion, the room spinning. People panicking. Riley stood still in shock, searching for all her friends in the middle of the commotion. This was supposed to be a celebration ball. When suddenly....

“No.... Riley get down!”

Just then Drake sprinted in front of Riley just as the assassin pointed the gun at her, pulling the trigger.

Riley felt like in that second she had just woken up from a nightmare, shaking and feeling dizzy. She slowly managed to reach the top of her head and felt a large lump beginning to form, after removing her hand in front of her- she saw the blood. Had she been shot? Where was Liam? Where was Drake? Those were the last people she heard.

Slowly turning her head, she saw Drake unconscious on the floor next her. Hearing the words “Riley! Get down now!” “Brooks,riley! Run” echoing in her mind. A sudden adrenaline rush came over her and she crawled over to Drake.

“Drake? Wake up! Drake? Please!”

Riley quickly checked for a pulse, checked his airways. No response. That’s when she noticed the gun shot wound, tearing her dress apart she quickly tied it around the wound to provide pressure and prevent further bleeding.

There was still no response from Drake. Quickly acting, she began CPR. Unaware of all the kings guards surrounding her.

“Lady Riley, please leave this to the professionals. King Father and King Liam requests that everyone gets to safety immediately.”

“No Bastien! I’m not leaving him like this. They aren’t even here yet. I will keep going until they arrive!”

“Lady Riley please! Kings orders!” Bastien tried to remove Riley away from Drake.

“Bastien get the fuck away from me! I’m trying to save his fucking life! Do not touch me! I can’t lose him. I lo-“

“Miss can you please move so we can get Mr Walker to hospital immediately.”

Riley reached out, holding Drakes hand as they rushed him into the ambulance. She fell to the floor crying uncontrollably, surrounded by the crime scene that had just happened.

Bastien ushered the other guards to protect the Royal Family and the guests before kneeling down to Riley, cupping her cheek with a sad smile. He gently wiped away her tears.

“Lady Riley, he’s going to be fine. He’s a Walker. He’s selfless, and cares about his friends more than he does himself. Or should I say he cares about those he loves..”

“How... How did you know?”

Riley questioned him about her and Drakes relationship. They thought they had been so careful concealing it so that no one would find out. If Bastien knew, how many others knew?

“Lady Riley, please. I’ve known that man since he was a child. I’ve never seen him act the way he does around a woman as he does you and Savannah. He loves you. And he’s going to fight through this I promise you.”

Bastien lifts her up and drives her to the safe house where her friends were staying. Until confirmation from the royal guards, they were to remain in the safe houses that they had been allocated to.

An hour later, Bastien dropped Riley off at the safe house where Maxwell, Hana and Liam we’re staying. She flung the door open, nearly taking it off its hinges and ran into the bathroom. The three friends looked at each other concerned, before Hana followed Riley.

“Riley?”

“Please leave me alone Hana. I shouldn’t be here. I should be there with him.”

Hana let herself in, Riley was sat on the floor looking at the selfie her and Drake had taken that night. They both looked at the camera smiling with a twinkle in their eyes. Drake was holding her protectively. The selfie was taken shortly after the two had confessed their love and made love with each other.

“Riley, I know how you feel about Drake. We all do. The hospital phoned Liam shortly before you arrived advising that none of us visit until he is out of the.... they had to operate on him Ri, and then was considering putting him in an induced coma if the bleeding didn’t stop to prevent swelling on his brain. I am so sorry.”

Riley uncontrollably started crying as Hana pulled her best friend towards her to comfort her.

**********

The day after, the friends returned to the palace. Riley headed straight to her room, feeling dirty and guilty still wearing the dress that wore his blood. She had been silent with the three of them, just constantly roaming her fingers over the selfie. Even Maxwell, who usually made her laugh, couldn’t crack a smile on Riley’s beautiful face.

Riley jumped in the shower, the water slightly, too warm slowly running down her body. Even the warmth wasn’t taking the pain that she felt disappear. When she got out, she put an over sized jumper and leggings on, pulled her knees up and sobbed into them. A short while later she decided to ask the king if he had any updates...

“Liam, have you heard anything yet?”

“He’s still unconscious Ri. I’m sorry I don’t know anything else. They will let us know when we can visit. Do you want something to eat? I can send something up to you?”

“No thank you.”

Riley took the bottle of wine that was on her dressing table and poured a glass. Alcohol wasn’t going to solve the pain, but at least it would help ease a bit of the pain for a short while. Suddenly she was startled by a knock at the door.

“Lady Riley, the King Father would like a word with you. If you’ll follow me.”

Riley hesitated at first but followed.

“King Father.” She curtsied to him.

“Ah, Lady Riley! How are you?”

“As best as I can be. As best as we all can be, King Father.”

He sternly nodded at her.

“I asked you to come here, to ask you to leave Cordonia immediately.”

“Excuse me?”

“It has come to light, that you was having an affair with Mr Walker. And the best situation would be for you to leave and never return. I feel if you wasn’t the court whore that none of this would have happened- you was clearly a target.”

“Don’t you fu-“

“I don’t think that is anyway to talk to Royalty Miss Brooks. My decision has been made. To save my country, my son and my sons court. You will leave immediately!”

“I am not leaving the people I love because you have some vendetta against me! You can’t make me! Liam is King now. You....”

“Trust me Miss Brooks, Liam would agree with my decision. You turned his proposal down. He will hate you. Our country will hate you even more than they already do with your original scandal still not having been resolved. My son will hate you more if he realised the reason why Jackson Walker’s son took a bullet for you.... now we can cooperate, you listen to me and leave on your own accord - no one will discover your dirty little secret with Walker. Or I will call Bastien..”

“You really think I would leave? I had the whole court hate me and I came back and held my head high. Us New Yorkers aren’t afraid of anything, King Father. So no, I am not leaving. I am staying and supporting my friends. Now if we are done I am going to go back to my room and will wait for updates from OUR KING.”

Riley was devastated about how people treat her here. If it wasn’t for Drake and her close friends, she would have left willingly when the scandal about her and Tariq became the court gossip.

As she turned around to go towards the door, Constantine grabbed her arm aggressively, making Riley scream. She was pushed against the wall, with his hands covering her mouth to prevent anyone hear her pleas to escape.

“Now don’t make this hard Miss Brooks. I will pay for your silence if you pack your things and leave now! But before you go you could make one last memory of Cordonia with me to keep your secret a secret.”

Keeping one of his hands covering her mouth, his other hand ran up her thigh. He kissed her neck, all Riley could feel was him grinding up against her. She felt hopeless, and then began starting crying thinking about what he was going to do if she didn’t stop him.

“Don’t you dare cry- you have brought this on yourself. You will leave once I am done with you...” - he whispered in her ear.

I need Drake more now in my life than ever. This bastard is going to hurt me. I love you Drake.

As she thought about Drake, she knew in that time she was going to be left heartbroken and had to escape. She had to use a groin shot- her only chance of escaping him. His hand started to go up towards her chest and that’s when she aimed the shot.

He fell to the floor, holding himself.

“Bastien!!!” Riley screamed as she ran to open the door.

“You little whore! I want you out now!”

Bastien arrived promptly noticing the redness on Riley’s arm, her puffed up eyes and the King father crawling around the floor in agony.

“Excuse me.” Riley said to Bastien looking dejected as she walked out of the room. He looked at her and nodded. Before turning to Constantine, looking angry.

“Sir! What happened in here?”

“That little whore attacked me! I want her out of Cordonia now!”

“Sorry sir but I don’t take orders from you now. Liam is my King!”

Bastien stormed out of the room looking for Riley. He knew the King Father wasn’t telling the truth, and he intended on finding out the truth.

Running down the hallway to find Riley, Bastien was suddenly stopped. He knew that voice, and he knew if it was anyone else he would have ignored them and kept running to find the girl who needed everyone’s support. He turned around, fixing a fake smile on his face.

“Your majesty. Is everything okay? I asked Glen to be in charge of your security tonight.”

“Why are you running? Yes everything is fine, Drake is awake! I needed to find you and to find Lady Riley. All the others have headed up to the hospital. Can we go and find Riley and get an SUV waiting outside for us?”

“Of course sir. Let’s go to the garage now and arrange the SUV, then go and inform Lady Riley together.”

They eventually reached Riley’s room and knocked. There was no answer. Liam thought she was probably in the shower or asleep. Bastien shook his head knowing she wasn’t as he had seen her half an hour ago in the King’s study- no one falls asleep that quickly, he thought. Slamming the door open ignoring Liam advising him not to, he couldn’t believe what he saw.

“Sir? ...Lady Riley has gone.”

Liam I am so sorry for all the hurt I have caused. If you never met me, I wouldn’t have broken your heart, I wouldn’t have broken Drake’s heart. I hope you all forgive me, but I have decided to leave Cordonia for not only my own safety but for everyone’s safety. I am going back home, please don’t try and find me. I will treasure all the memories with you all, and I love you all. Riley x

[kashaifilms]

GORE/BLOOD AND MENTIONS OF SUICIDE TRIGGER WARNING

So this was my next major project in university, it was quite a big jump going from live studio magazine show to pre-recorded drama. The biggest change was the actual flow of production. Instead of being put into large groups, that class was split into groups of 4-6. My group was a group of 6. The brief was to make a film that was 10 minutes long but with the main focus being on telling a narrative. So when we asked the Lecturer if the 10 minute thing was heavily enforced he said that it was more of a guideline and to use as much time as necessary to tell the story we wanted to tell. For this production module the whole class was given training on new equipment that we could use, those being the canon c100 mark ii camera’s and also learning more advanced premier pro techniques, with the only major thing being how to use green-screen (which we didn’t end up using).

My roles during this production were as a Co-writer, the Director, an Assistant Editor. My role as a Co-writer consisted of me and James spending hours coming up with sass and quick wit for Lucifer to have as well as deciding what jokes and religious references we’d put into the project. We were heavily inspired by the (then) FOX show ‘Lucifer’, the version of Lucifer from the Neil Gaiman Sandman series, and the version of Lucifer from the book ‘I, Lucifer’ by Glen Duncan. We wanted our Lucifer to be an amalgamation of the 3, having the anger at god that Glen Duncan’s version had, the childish yet very sinful version of from the FOX series, and finally the main inspiration for his appearance being the Neil Gaiman version. We also, much to our own disbelief, managed to actually write a copy of the book that Lucifer talks about during the interview in time for the submission date, which we are currently getting printed for the crew and cast as memento’s of the project. 

Now after writing the script for everything and got the teams approval that this was definitely what we were doing the next step was casting for the role. To do this I set up a starnow account to try and find some actors who needed to add to their portfolio or who were willing to work unpaid. However after setting this up and posting the ad for the search I was shocked at how many people applied ofr Lucifer alone . After only a week we had 86 applicants and after 2 weeks there were 114. We closed the ad after the third week because we believed we had enough applicants and we also were shortlisting as we went. and thought we had quite a good number of people for the project. After looking through all the applications and shortlisting we sent out a task for everyone to do, which was to read a section of the script and then record and send in a video audition based on how we described the characters. The deadline was set for two weeks after we sent the message. All people who didn’t apply were automatically sent a message saying that they didn’t get the role. The boy who got the role, Isaac, sent his application in on the day of the deadline. It had us worried as he was our personal top pick for the role, as he looked the part and his portfolio and theatrical background would add to the role. He sent in his application wearing the signiture purple suit that he wears in the interview and as soon as he began James and I looked at each other and we knew that he was the one. After casting Isaac as Lucifer we then put out and add for the role of the interviewer, not as many people applied but it was still quite a lot, with 46 applications in the first week. after doing the same process for shortlisting, instead of having them send in a video audition we wanted to actually sit down with them, with Isaac, to see if they had the right dynamic. And once we met Dani we knew she’d be perfect for the role. Then we put out an add for Interviewer 1 and done a similar process, with a phone interview instead of a video audition. after this we got Ben, who played his part exceptionally well.

After this all we asked the cast how long it would take them to learn the script, which they responded with 4 days, and so all needed to do was secure dates for the studio and book out equipment which didn’t take long at all. 

As a Director my role was to be in charge of pretty much everything while on set. The role as a whole was a very fulfilling one and luckily for me the cast and crew we had for the project were very very good at what they did. The whole experience was amazing. seeing the talent work had me mesmerised to the point that I forgot to call ‘cut’ a couple of times. The cast themselves needed little direction after the set was ready and all the camera and lights were in position. All I had to do was say ‘action’ and then let them do what they were doing.

During the actual set up process I have to thank my DOP Alex and my cameraman Matt for their amazing efficiency in setting up the camera’s and tripods while I dealt with the set and Lighting. I literally didn’t have to tell them anything apart from the type of shots I wanted and then just left them to it, It helped a lot and allowed us to get straight into filming when the actors arrived. 

We had 4 days to film so I decided to have the first be rehearsal and then get straight into it for the rest. On the second day we managed to film the entire first half but then when we went back into the studios for the third day, someone had moved our lights, meaning we had to preposition them even when we did the scene didn’t look the same, so we re-done the entire first days worth of shooting, leaving the last day for the rest. When the last day came round everything was left alone after I left some notes and had some words with the technician/studio supervisor. This meant that everything could carry on as planned.After shooting concluded it was an amazing feeling that we were almost done. 

We had about 3 1/2 weeks left to edit the project, which was more than enough time, but gave us more time to polish the film into a shining beauty it is. James was the head editor for this project, and I had the role of assistant editor. Even though I was the assistant editor, my role consisted mainly of me walking James through things that he couldn’t do or doing more complex things myself due to me being the more experienced and knowledgeable editor. The things that I walked him through were the ending credits and a few effects used for colour correction and the like. Things I did myself were the Opening title sequence thing and the effect on Lucifer’s eyes when he wakes up in the bath. 

As a whole I am very proud of the experience and filming the short was the most fun I’d ever had during a production thus far. I am very happy with the results or our hard work and I believe that I learned quite a lot during the production, especially in terms of directing. Before this I had little to no experience as a director of works and I had always said before I even got into university that I would definitely like to do it, or at least try it to see if i liked the role, and yes, I like the role. This gave me the confidence that I previously lacked in a leadership role.

[larryland]

by Lisa Jarisch

As filling as the first slice of wedding cake, and almost twice as sweet, The Wedding Singer literally heads down the aisles of the Mac-Haydn Theatre with all the big hair, big shoulders, and big sounds that made the 1980s as memorable as  the New Coke, Reagan’s jelly beans, Marty McFly, and Material Girl Madonna references that pepper the show.

This latest production at the Mac, while certainly not the highlight of the theatre’s season, nonetheless brings a  pleasant two and a half hours to the stage, paying fluffy homage to the 80’s in the music, costumes and set design.

Conor Fallon brings considerable appeal to the title role of Robbie Hart,  whose one-hit wonder “It’s Your Wedding Day” has him in demand for all the best weddings in Ridgefield, NJ. As he proudly announces to the crowd at his band’s latest gig that tomorrow HE will be taking that walk down the aisle, you can almost hear the ominous organ music signaling the impending doom destined to follow. Jilted by “A note from Linda,” a jaded Robbie crosses paths with the hoping-soon-to-be-engaged Julia, who urges him to “Come out of the Dumpster “ where he has sought refuge after the debacle at the altar. Still reeling from his recent jilting, he effectively ends his and his band’s all-too brief career as sought-after wedding entertainers by turning a wedding reception into a full-scale “Casualty of Love.” This is a break-out number for Fallon; with increasing volume, and building intensity, he whips the misfits, rejects, and general wedding guests into a frenzy of anger, angst, and general degeneration. Forced to seek other venues and occasions where he can ply his and the band’s trade,

As the shallow breaker-of Robbie’s heart Linda, Maggie Eley offers up “A Note from Linda” as half Bride of Frankenstein, half Elvira, with a costume to match. At times her lyrics were nearly unintelligible, but she made it clear that marrying a wedding singer is not the life she envisioned, dumping the hapless Robbie to pursue a rock star life. After her hopes are dashed on that score, she seductively slinks back, enticing Robbie to “Let Me Come Home” , bumping and grinding her way into his bed but not his heart.

Kate Zulauf gives us a wistful, earnest Julia with just enough niavete to believe in hearts and flowers, doves and diamonds, champagne wishes and caviar dreams as she waits for her would-be fiance Greg to “Pop” the question, which of course he does, eventually. Again…cue the ominous organ music as we know the course of true love never did run smooth, especially when the true love of one partner is “All About the Green.” Zulauf has a lovely, if slightly light, voice, well-suited to her character and the numbers she performs. She more than holds her own in duets with Fallon, and her numbers in company with other cast are delightfully brimming with all the exuberance of youth, the energy of the decade, and the anticipation of  finding that “happily ever after.”

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With little to do aside from channel Michael Douglas in Wall Street in his zealous pursuit of  Almighty Dollar, Nathanial Dolquist’s Glen Guglia manages to make his shallow, slimy, covetous, scheming presence felt during his moments on stage, even without the over-sized caricature of an early cell phone seemingly permanently attached to his hand.  His performance in “All About the Green,” accompanied by neon green glow sticks, and strident green lighting that plays brilliantly, literally and figuratively, against the stark black costuming, was as show-stopping a number as the later “Move That Thing” offered by the unlikely duo of Grandma Rosie and band member George.

And speaking of Grandma Rosie, who shares her heart and her basement with grandson Robbie, Meg Dooley again delights Mac audiences as that sassy, brassy, and downright bawdy character, whose writhing undulations in “Move that Thing” brought to mind the head-banging on-stage performances of various grunge bands of the 80s. None of that era, however, likely ever performed their numbers in a tight fitting, hot pink suit…and heels. A far cry from her earlier appearance in a Richard Simmons-tribute track suit, complete with headband, and dialog delivered while keeping up with those oh so popular back in the day step exercises !

As for the ensemble company, this is a youthful cast whose collective knowledge of the 80s comes from their parents; what they lack in personal experience of punk rock, grunge, and  80s attitude, they more than make up for with enthusiastic and on-key performances all around.

The production itself suffers somewhat from the first-time directorial efforts of Erin Spears Ledford, who has not quite mastered the intricacies of directing theatre in the round on an especially small stage. A number of key scenes were staged on a raised platform to one “side” of the circular stage, forcing the audience in two of the four sections of the house to crane their necks at length to the right or the left in order to take in the action. Overall, however, Ledford’s direction is crisp and sharp, and she directs the large ensemble to good effect throughout.

The excessive use of a revolving section on the center stage was also a distraction. No fewer than eight times in Act I and seven in Act II were cast members and set pieces set awhirl, giving the audience the sense of watching the show from a carousel horse. Just because this is theatre IN the round doesn’t necessarily mean it should be GOING around. In addition, the revolving portion of the stage is patterned with a black and white striping. Coupled with the revolutions, and at times combined with strobe lighting and/or the flashing of the iconic disco ball, there is a definite seizure trigger impact.

The costumes are worthy of their own curtain call, Costume designer Bethany Marx has captured the essence of 80s fashion. From the Princess Diana-evocative wedding gowns to Grandma Rosie’s Richard Simmons-style track suit, the look of the 80s is done to a T..for turquoise, accompanied by hot pinks, lime green, and bright yellow.

As has become the norm at the Mac, the house sits within the set, so to speak, as side pieces and walls are all designed to bring the 80’s to life around the stage.  Panels of turquoise, yellow, and pink, adorned with assorted geometric shapes, surround the stage and the audience, and Andrew Gmoser’s lighting is the perfect complement to each scene.

The stage manager in me needs to give special mention to the “cast as crew” as they seamlessly perform scene and set changes throughout the show. Tables, beds, bars, restaurants, even the Bridal Registry in a department store, flow on and off the stage space with perfect timing and placement. Clearly a testament to a dedicated cast and crew well-rehearsed in the intricacies of staging and striking in the dark.

While by no means the jewel in the Mac-Haydn season, The Wedding Singer is more than worth the trip down the aisle…..err, road,… to Chatham for an afternoon or evening back to the 80s. You won’t leave humming the score, but you might just want to dig out your shoulder pads, fire up the VCR, and enjoy an icy glass of New Coke while Sweating to the Oldies with Richard Simmons.

The Wedding Singer, music by Matthew Sklar, lyrics by Chad Beguelin, book by Beguelin and Tim Herlihy, directed by Erin Spears-Ledford, runs August at the Mac-Haydn Theatre, 1925 NY Route 203 in Chatham, NY. Choreography by Sebastiani Romagnolo, set design by Emma Commings, lighting design by Andrew Gmoser, costume design by Bethany Marx. CAST: Connor Fallon as Robbie Hart, Kate Zulauf as Julia, Connor Hubbard as George, Jonah Hale as Sammy, Emma Flynn as Holly, Maggie Eley as Linda, Meg Dooley grandma Rosie.

For showtime and more details please visit www.machaydntheatre.org or call the box office at 518-392-9292

REVIEW: “The Wedding Singer” at the Mac-Haydn Theatre by Lisa Jarisch As filling as the first slice of wedding cake, and almost twice as sweet, …