#was that damn Lollipop ringtone

[munsonology]

Bought a hello kitty text tone and it showed up in my ringtones and now I can’t figure out how to undo that 😭 and I’m on day 2 of getting lollipop chainsaw in this damn emulator

Cuties in tech are down bad this week 🧎🏽‍♀️

[raymondebidochonlifechoices]

Portrait of the FBI trainee as a young adult

or Some thoughts on how Riverdale aged up their teen protagonists

Jumping seven years in the future over the span of just seven days is not an easy feat, but it can certainly be done: changes in physical appearance and “adult” stories are very useful tools. But this is Riverdale, which means that, while all characters are adults in season 5, some characters are more adults than others.

Jughead Jones, Veronica Lodge and Toni Topaz, in particular, come to mind.

Adult Veronica has been blessed with a new sensational wardrobe befitting a more mature character. To be honest I’ve never met a 25-year-old dressed like Ronnie, however, her clothes are those of a grown up. Character-wise nothing has changed for adult Veronica. However, she had always been portrayed more like a young adult businesswoman than a typical teenager. So, in a way, post-time-jump Veronica hasn’t so much changed, as grown into her age. As a result, she might not be different from her pre-time-jump self, but she is convincing as an adult.

Toni had a similarly drastic change of wardrobe, accompanied by equally drastic changes in terms of her character: Toni is now pregnant but -most importantly- in a position of authority. She might not have her own story line yet as advertised (so far, she has supported the plots of Big Bad Hiram, Hero Archie, Investigator Betty and Isolation Queen Cheryl), however, in every scene she has been portrayed as someone dealing with adult responsibilities and being successful at that. She runs the Whyte Worm, she used to work at Riverdale Social Services, she’s Riverdale High School’s guidance counselor, she secures financing for the school and its activities, under her captaincy the Vixens have become a winning sports team heading out to championships. Adult Toni is drastically different from teen Toni.

The most adult character, however is Jughead. In terms of physical appearance, he has ditched his trademark beanie and very recognisable wardrobe for a new set of clothes, a couple of tattoos, glasses and facial hair (that some love and some hate). In terms of story lines, like Toni, he has the most adult ones. And the most different ones from those of his youth. He has meetings with his agent where he talks about his job. He no longer investigates to unravel Riverdale’s mysteries as much as he interviews people for a book, for which he already has a contract and a deadline. He takes a second job to make ends meet. He faces debt. He (supposedly) drinks a lot. As a teacher, his storyline has been the most realistic of them all. Instead of condoning dance-offs with 25-year-old Cheryl or being given a class of minions like Veronica (wasn’t that a very taciturn and obedient bunch …), Jughead is shown staying out late to prep for class and giving pop quizzes to students who are actually unprepared/bored/rude. Mobster-like debt collectors and alcoholism aside, his “adultness” is the most relatable and the most easily recognized as such.

And then, there’s Betty … Who, apart from her longer hair, has been given a mixed wardrobe of 1. new adult capri pants and heels, 2. her old high school combo of sweaters and collars (that she often wears when she investigates – which makes for quite the visual throwback to her high school sleuthing years) and 3. an FBI jacket than makes her look even younger than when she was blackmailing Donna back in the day. Betty’s natural make-up makes her look especially young. (Hadn’t Lili commented once upon a time about how they had gradually darkened Betty’s make up in s2 or 3?) In terms of characterisation, unlike Toni and Jughead, and much like Veronica, Betty is given the exact same material: in her case that’s: “investigating sleuth usually barging into places demanding answers”. Unlike Veronica, however, Betty has not grown into her role, because from Buffy the Vampire Slayer to Nancy Drew, the teenager-badass-investigator-played-by-an-older-actress has been an effing trope, and, so far, the writers have failed in differentiating between 18-year-old Betty and 25-year-old Betty in terms of dialogue, set ups, story lines, agency. In other words, FBI trainee Elizabeth Cooper lacks adult gravitas.

Disclaimer #1: this is in no shape or form a diss on the actress, whom I like a lot. This is a diss on the writers, who didn’t bother to update an extremely tropey character, when they updated her on-screen age.

Disclaimer #2: neither is this a diss on the actor playing Jughead, whom I also like a lot. Just because he’s getting better material, it doesn’t mean that he doesn’t put in the work: from suggesting the glasses to Jughead’s fed-up, weary, disbelieving or conspiracy-excited new mannerisms.

Then there’s also the matter of how Veronica, Archie and Jughead, all have regular partners for their post-time-jump story lines, whereas Betty has been given the short end of the scene partners stick.

>> Veronica’s foe is daddykins/Chad (who is, anyway, just another version of daddykins).

>> Archie’s story is Archie & his posse against the world. His partners even dress alike to reinforce the idea that they act as one unit! In 5x5 it is Archie and his posse of similarly leather-clad friends against the Ghoulies. In 5x6 it is Archie and his wannabe Bulldog students against the illusive football funding. In 5x7 it is Archie and his similarly dressed merry band of volunteer firefighters against the blazing inferno that is Riverdale.

>>Jughead shares half his scenes with the same new, exciting and extremely likable Tabitha Tate.

>> Betty’s scene partners, however, are seemingly whoever is available at the moment. Polly. Alice. Kevin. Archie if naked. Glen. A trucker. Dr Curdle Jr, A victim’s mother. Reggie. None of them stands out. As this is Riverdale, it’s hard to tell if this is bad writing (focusing on other characters and letting, for some reason, Betty fend for herself, counting on her popularity to maintain the viewers’ interest) or a conscious choice to portray her as being isolated. If, however, it’s the latter, it does the character no favours at all. Jughead’s also isolated, but his plot is new and exciting. In Betty’s case, 1. we’ve already watched the story of her searching for her missing sister when she was a sophomore and 2. I don’t particularly care about any of her scene partners, who are either secondary characters or people we’re not going to see ever again! And this makes her storyline, for lack of a better word: boring (or, in naked Justin Gingerlake’s case, extremely annoying).

I’m absolutely elated to see Betty investigate with Jughead, not only because this will eventually lead to Bughead, but also for the possibility that her mystery plot line will finally become more engaging. That’s not a very nice thought to have for your favourite female character. That’s not a very nice way to treat your most popular female character, especially when you have previously “gifted” her with a cheating story line and the least popular ship (yes, barchie, that’s you).

5x7 came and went and I’m still waiting to see what’s new about Betty Cooper and her storyline. (This is true about Veronica and Archie too, however, this is a bughead blog, so Jughead and Betty take priority! – and, also, let’s be honest, I never cared much about Archie.)

I do not appreciate that FBI trainee Cooper is written exactly the same way as teenager sleuth Betty. Why affiliate her to the FBI if you’re not going to give the character real authority? I do not appreciate the writing choices that make 5x5-5x7 Betty’s plot boring. Why come down so hard on your show’s most popular female character? I love Betty Cooper, both with Jughead and on her own. Likewise, I love Jughead both as part of bughead and on his own. Adult Jughead definitely has my attention. So, when may I have my interesting adult badass female character back?

[tinyboxxtink]

"Doppelganger" *Part 5*

See ya'll i'm so sorry this took so long!!!! Warning for this chapter is SMUT, and it's....I mean, really technically Rafael? Also no I didn't go the "full" rape route, the trauma is gonna happen in the next chapter.

Oh yeah also warning this is gonna get darker before it gets happier. Be prepared.

Tag List

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Part 4

Part 6

------

Rafael paced in front of the student theater, dialing your number over and over again. He could hear it ringing over the phone, but-- was that your ringtone?

He stared at the doorway to the lobby where Javi and Gabi were still standing, Gabi’s purse was lit up. She finally noticed it and picked it out of her purse. Her eyes grew wide with shock and as she looked up to see Rafael had caught her, they went wide with fear.

“We gotta go,” Gabi grabbed Javi by the sleeve. “NOW,”

Rafael ran around the side of the building as fast as he could. He may have been getting up there in age, but when he was determined he could do anything. And he was determined to find out why Gabi had your phone. He met them at the side door as they were coming out.

“WHY do you have Y/N’s phone? Is she--is she even in there?” His face grew white as he slowly put together what was happening.

“I...Um...Well--” Gabi was shit at lying.

“DON’T give me that bullshit, ‘Gabi’,,” Rafael scoffed. “I KNEW you were trouble, god dammit I KNEW it!!” He made fists like he wanted to strangle her.

“Yeah well luckily your girl isn’t as intuitive,” Gabi chuckled.

“You stupid--” He lunged for her, he didn’t care if she was a woman she had you somewhere-- she had you TAKEN somewhere.

“Whoa whoa whoa there abogado, take it easy,” Javi stepped in between the two of them to protect Gabi. “Your girl is in no danger, I promise you that,”

“...Yet,” Gabi muttered with a smile.

“I swear to GOD--” Rafael tried for her again. “If anything happens to her I’ll--”

“You'll what?” Javi was now smirking. “Please, tell me you big bad abogado, tell me what you and your snarky words are gonna do against Nevada’s men and guns?”

“Nevada?” Rafael fell backwards, he felt sick to his stomach. Nevada had you; the most dangerous, notorious, ruthless Drug Kingpin in New York had YOU.

“What does Nevada want with my fiancé?!”

“Obviously to get you to do something, cabron,” Javi pointed out.

“Do what?! I have absolutely nothing he needs!” Rafael shook his hands.

“Let’s just say you and him have a common denominator that he just discovered, and he’d like to exploit that,” Javi smirked.

“Damn Javi, turning me on with that book speak,” Gabi licked her lips seductively.

“I go to night school,” He grinned at her.

“Yeah I’m sure, to mop the hallways,” Rafael rolled his eyes, making Javi punch him in the gut.

“All you need to know is that Nevada has your girl, and if you go to ANY of your cop friends, he’ll know. And he’ll kill her, right on the spot. Trust me Nevada has zero patience cabron, I wouldn’t test him,” He warned Rafael while he was doubled over in pain.

“....And then what?” He stood up, rubbing his stomach.

“And wait for a call from him. I’m sure it’ll be soon,” Javi assured Rafael.

“Yeah after he’s done with her,” Gabi smirked.

“Oh my-- NO. NO You can’t let him--” Rafael began to panic, begging them not to let anything...traumatic happen to you.

“Don’t worry abogado, I’m sure Nevada will take good care of her,” Javi smirked as he punched Rafael in the stomach one last time, leaving him gasping for breath as they made a getaway.

-------

Meanwhile

The limo pulled up in front of the Ritz Carlton. “Rafael” got out first and then took your hand and helped you out of the car. You just stared wide and starry eyed as you walked into the lobby. You had never seen a place so beautiful, so elegant. You never had money to travel ANYWHERE-- you knew your small town in Jersey, and New York City. That’s it. And you’d never stayed in a hotel, let alone a luxurious one.

“Rafa….Wha…Why are we here?” You looked at him with starry eyes.

“....I just thought we’d celebrate the end of your semester, mi amor,” “Rafael” smiled, rubbing the back of your hand with his thumb.

“You’re too good to me,” You kissed him, and he once again took it to a whole other level. You’d never seen him this aggressive, you’d never kissed him like this. It was...off.

“Never, carino,” He shook his head as he broke the kiss and took your hand in his as he led you to the front desk.

-----

After checking in, you found yourself walking into the Penthouse Suite of the Ritz Carlton, something you’d never thought you’d be able to say.

“Oh my god, it’s so beautiful!!!” You clapped your hands together and bounced up and down as you immediately started to explore the room.

“Rafael” had to admit, he was a little amused by your excitement over things he’d gotten used to. But this was no pleasure trip, it was strictly business. He needed leverage on that abogado and you were going to give it to him. He marched over to you before you could head into the bathroom to check out the spa. He grabbed you and threw you on the bed aggressively, lust in his eyes.

“Well, somebody wants to get down to business,” You growled seductively.

“You read my mind, Carino,” “Rafael” smirked. “Ah but… first,” He walked over to the overnight bag he had brought and pulled out handcuffs, and a blindfold.

“Um, Raffi--” You nervously giggled. “We’ve um, you’ve never--”

“I thought we might try something a little different tonight, carino,” He licked his lips as he inched towards you, like a cheetah stalking its prey.

“Well, I-- I guess--” You stammered, staring at the objects in his hand. You had never been so...adventurous with anyone, let alone Rafael. “Rafael” could tell you were more than a little nervous, but he needed to get that blindfold on you. He may have Rafael’s face, but their bodies were more than a tad different. “Rafael” had tattoos on his wrists, and more than a few scars from various assentation attempts and fights. He needed to turn this up.

“Please,” He gave you his sweetest puppy dog pout eyes, before beginning to nibble on your earlobe. He had never done that before, but you were quickly learning it might be your new favorite spot. Time stopped moving, your mind turned off, all you could feel was pleasure as you felt his tongue in your ear, his teeth on the lobe.

“Whatever you want,” You sighed, not knowing what you were allowing.

“That’s exactly what I’d hoped you would say…” He growled as he tied the sash blindfold around your face, pulling it tight. You couldn’t see anything, you were completely at his mercy.

“Rafa….?” You called out to make sure he was still there, as if he would have just blindfolded you and ran out of the room.

“Yes, amante?” You heard his husky voice behind you as you felt your arms being fastened to either side of the headboard.

“Rafael I don’t know about this--” You bit your lip nervously.

“Shut up and let me work,” He barked, making you wince.

“...What?” You could swear that the voice was different from normal, something about it was more...dark.

“I mean, I thought we’d try...role playing, y’know where I’m a dominant asshole, and you’re my prisoner,” His tone suddenly went back to loving and soft, as he laid a tender hand on your bare stomach,

“Oh I-- I didn’t know you were into that,” You nervously replied.

“There’s a lot you don’t know about me, Y/N,” You heard the husk again. “But you’ll learn tonight,”

You could hear him getting undressed, and then undressing you. Something about it seemed so...wrong. And real.

“Rafa--”

“DON’T call me that,” He growled. “I’m not Rafa anymore, I’m Vada,”

“....Vada?”

“Uh yeah, like-- like Darth Vada,” He joked, making a thick New York Accent saying “Vader”.

“Um, ok ‘Vada’, I don’t think I like--” Before you could protest anymore, Vada’s mouth was on yours in a hungry animalistic kiss. His hands began exploring your body, pulling and prodding every inch of you. Everything was heightened by the darkness of the blindfold, and it was exquisite. His mouth travelled south, biting and kissing every inch of you on the way down. You writhed in pleasure while strapped to the bed, you knew your arms were going to be sore tomorrow.

“Now, be a good little whore and don’t make a SOUND while daddy works, or you’re going to get punished,” You heard the husky voice commanding you.

“A good little what now?” You asked defensively, he had never talked to you this way-- and you weren’t sure you liked it. No matter who he “was.”

“I said QUIET,” The voice grew more cruel, but two fingers went inside you giving you instant absolute pleasure it was impossible to be mad. His digits roamed around inside you like he was digging for treasure. He hit every inch of your walls, flicking your clit harder and harder until you were practically vibrating off the bed. You began to scream, but you felt his mouth over yours before you could.

“WHAT did I say, puta?” The voice barked. “Not a SOUND,”

You usually loved hearing spanish coming out of his mouth, but ‘puta’ didn’t sound like a term of endearment.

“S-Sorry,” You stammered, as he continued to work. He slipped his fingers out and replaced them with his mouth. His oral skills had improved massively in a surprising amount of time, but you weren’t exactly wondering why. His tongue lapped you up like a dog drinking water, he sucked on your clit like it was a lollipop You bucked and spasmed under his mouth, this time biting back screams like hell, it was almost painful.

“Now, mi puta, are you going to come for me?”

“Y-Y-es,”

“NO! You’re NOT,” suddenly everything stopped. There were no more fingers, tongues, nothing going on downstairs, except for a now exceedingly excruciating pain throbbing from your clit-- is this what blue balling felt like?

“Please,” You whimpered, the pain was tormenting. Little did you know, Vada was enjoying every second of your suffering. It was one of his favorite things, watching powerless victims writhe in pain under his god like tongue.

“No, you’re gonna wait for ME,” All of a sudden you felt his dick inside you, pounding you like a rock. He wasn’t his usual, gentle self. He was pulling in and out of you like a jackhammer, and you loved every second of it.

“Now, mi vida,” He whispered as he continued to thrust in and out of you. “Now, you may scream my name,”

“RAFAAEELLLLLL!!!” You screamed at the top of your lungs as the most powerful orgasm you’ve ever had in your entire life came crashing over you like a tsunami. Suddenly you felt a slap to the side of your face.

“That’s NOT my name!!!” He yelled while he slapped you across the face as he violently shook inside you, the rage seemed to send him over the edge. He pulled out of you and sprayed his white manhood all over your face.

Everything was still and silent for a moment, both of you recovering from the events. It took you several minutes for you to drift back into your body, but when you did-- you realized what he had said. And you also realized you were covered in sticky white cum.

“Ew, Rafa why--” You made a face, trying to shake it off.

“I wanna see you lick it off. Lick off your face like a dirty whore,” The husky voice commanded you.

“Okay it was fun and all, and probably the best sex we’ve ever had, but enough’s enough,” You were starting to get annoyed with the whole “dominatrix” thing.

“....What did you just say?”

“...Yes, fine, okay I guess I’m kinkier than I thought. Because baby that was THE best sex we’ve ever had...maybe in my life,” You giggled.

“Oh,” You could hear a dark, evil chuckle. “Oh carino, you have no idea how happy that makes me to hear you say that,”

“...Why?” You were starting to get really freaked out. You felt the blindfold come off, but you were still bound to the bed. Your eyes took a minute to get used to the light, but when your vision finally focused you saw Rafael--- with arm tattoos?

“....Because I’m not Rafael,” He grinned wickedly.

[notyetneedcoffee]

Conference Call

Bucky Masterlist

Part of the Calling Series

Pairing: Bucky x Reader

Warning: NSFW, 18+, loads of fun smut

You sang along with Gaga as you barreled down the open road until the ringer cut in with Bucky’s ringtone. Tapping the button on the steering wheel, you greeted him with a pleasant “Hey handsome!”

“Where are you?” Bucky grumbled, almost whining. “Why aren’t you here yet?”

“I’m about two hours out.” You glanced at the speedometer. “Okay, maybe an hour and a half.”

He chuckled. “You’d be here already if you would have let me pick you up in the chopper.”  

“You have work today, and really wanted this car.” You ran your hand over the steering wheel of the rebuilt 1969 Chevy Camero. You’d seen it while working with a colleague in Boston. A mechanic Stark recommended checked it out and said it was worth the money, so you decided to buy yourself a very special gift. You sighed with delight.  

Bucky chuckled. “Baby, do I have competition?”

“Well, she is really sexy.” You purred. “Fuck, and the power.”

“Easy, Doll. Don’t want to wrap it around a tree your first time out. Need to stay safe so we can break in those leather seats.” Buckly rumbled.

“Oh, most definitely.” You grinned. “We’re breaking in the seats. You can bend me over the hood. God, this car just begs to be fucked on.”

He hummed low. “Sounds like a road trip is in order. Maybe get you to wear that blue summer dress, the one that’s all stretchy on top.”

“Just the dress and nothing else.”  

“M-hm, so I can just set your ass on the trunk fuck right in the open. Take you out in the woods someplace, find a place in the sun. Fuck yes, watch the sun shine on that gorgeous skin. Taste your sweat. Taste your honey.”

“Damn,” you breathed.

“Get home safe, Doll. I can’t wait to see you.”

“I’ll be there soon, but will you be free by then?”  

Bucky let out a heavy sigh, “I hope so. I don’t mind the work, but I hate these fucking meetings.”

Stark built the compound in upstate New York and began inviting specialist from all over to come train with the Avengers teams. The concept was sound, instruct the support troops and first responders how to work with the team if an emergency occurred in their area. However, their guests quickly began asking for more.  

“Not so keen on being an instructor, baby?” You tried to sound sympathetic, but you thought it was cool.  

“It’s not like they’re asking me on the most efficient way to kill an enemy with a butter knife.” You could practically hear him rolling his eyes. “They want me to set up a course on hostage extraction.”

You giggled.

“Doll...”

“Sorry, I just think of you up front of a classroom, one those pointer sticks in hand. Makes me want to bring you a shiny apple and ask if there’s anything I can do to earn extra credit.”

He laughed, rich a deep. “Baby you show up in a school girl’s uniform and pig tails... mmm, I’ll give you something alright.”

Just as the heat began to spread between your thighs, you heard Bucky grumble. “What?” He sighed heavily. “Doll, I’ve got to go back to work.”

“Aw,” you whined. “I was just picturing you pulling up my little plaid skirts and smacking my ass pink before making me suck that gorgeous cock for extra credit.”

“Dammit, Doll.” He sighed, voice dropping to a whisper. “I’m going to fuck you hard for sending off to a meeting with that image in my head.”

“I’ll be there soon and you can do just that.”

“Drive safe, beautiful.”

Xxxxxxx

You parked in the resident’s garage and grabbed your overnight bag from the truck. A whistle echoed across the floor. You looked over to see Barton strolling toward you. You shut the trunk and leaned presented the classic car with your best Vanna White flourish.  

“That is sexy, mama. Did you just get it?” Clint came closer and gave you a brief hug before throughly examining the car.  

“Yeah. I wasn’t planning on it. Living in the city for so long, I never needed a car. Now that Buck and I took a place up here, well, I don’t like borrowing the fleet cars.” You ran a hand over the shiny black surface. “It’s just like the one my granddad had. No, it’s nicer than that. But he had a black ‘69 and I have really good memories of it. I know it’s frivolous.”

“Are you kidding. It’s a classic and you work your ass off. You totally deserve. Good choice. Has Barnes seen it?”

“Not yet.” You felt a little giddy.

“You’re going to have to hide the keys from him. He’ll love it.”

“You’re probably right. In fact, I’m going to head up. I’m anxious to show him.” Clint gave you a farewell peck and headed back towards his truck. You went straight to your quarters.  

Your place at the Compound consisted of an outer living room with an office alcove and bedroom with a large en suite. You shared a large living space and kitchen with three other units occupied by Steve, Sam and Natasha. It was a comfortable arrangement.

Stepping inside, you could hear Bucky speaking. He looked up at you, eyes smiling. You could hear at least three other voices. You mouthed ‘how much longer’ at him. Bucky wrote something on a pad of paper as he answered a question about what he thought the minimum qualifications of attendees should be.

The paper said 10 minutes. You grinned, kicking off your shoes. A wicked idea come to you. Standing where the computer camera could not see, and just out of Bucky’s reach, you began removing your clothes. Bucky tried to keep a straight face, but his eyes kept darting over to you.

When you cupped your bare breasts in your hands and wet your lips with your tongue, his jaw clenched and he locked his eyes on the computer screen. The discussion continued.

You crawled under the desk, running your hands up his thighs. He tensed. You palmed his hardening cock through his sweats. Bucky’s hips rocked forward.  

“I just don’t think, um, they need to have some experience. I’m about to start things at a basic level.” Bucky’s voice stayed level, but his hand slipped down and he lowered his chair a bit. His eyes flicked your way, seeing you on your knees. His nostrils flared.

As someone else droned on, he watched you pull him free and stroke him. You slipped on hand between your legs, running fingers through your folds. It was so hot. You collected wetness on your fingers before bringing them to his slip your hand over the head of his cock. Slippery and wet, his hips lowered closer to you. Edging closer, you licked the under side of him, not having quite enough room to take him fully in your mouth.  

“Barnes, what do you think?”

“Ah,” His eyes snapped back up. “As long as we can confirm the certification and the course checks out, sure.” He watched himself on the monitor and lowered his chair a little more. He swallowed hard as your mouth closed over him. Bucky gripped the pen on the desk in front of him to keep from reacting as he felt the back of your throat.  

You worked him with your tongue and hands. Slick with slobber, deep and firm. His thighs quivered with the effort to hold still. It was so naughty. You were dripping wet.  

“Sounds like you guys can wrap this up. Email me the final proposal. I’ve got something here needing my attention. Thanks.” Bucky bit out before slamming his laptop closed. “Doll, fuck!”

He pushed back his chair. You followed. His hand tangled in your hair as his hips rock up. “Oh, shit, baby I’m...” Your hand clenched his hip. You weren’t stopping. Cupping his balls, pumping with slicked hand, your tongue swirled over the tip. He growled low when you swallowed him deep again.

His fingers tightened and hips jerked. “Ah, holy shit, yes....”

Bucky came hard as you swallowed him down, slowly licking him clean.  

You looked up with a wicked smile. He shivered. “That was so unfair.”

“What?” You blinked up at him with mock innocence.  

“You think you’ve made up for your bad behavior?” His eyebrow arched.

“But, baby...”

“You are in so much trouble.” Bucky smirked. He lunged but you scurried away with a squeal. He caught you before you made it all the way to the bedroom. His strong arms wrapped around you, his laugh in your ear.  

It was the best kind of trouble.  

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[wordywarriorwrites]

Chapter 2: Nothing Personal

Masterlist: The Boss of Brooklyn A03 Link Author: @wordywarriorwrites Summary: When it comes to being The Boss, James Buchanan “JB” Barnes rules with an iron fist. For him, there’s no room for sentiment, and certainly no time for distraction, even if it is in the form of an old flame. Steve Rogers had bowed out of the life a long time ago, but a twist of fate brings him right back into the fold, and face-to-face with a man he once loved. When a game of cat and mouse turns into a matter of life and death, both will be forced to decide whether they’ll be loyal to the business, or faithful to each other. A/N: Bucky Barnes Mob Boss AU. Stucky. For: Star’s Multi-Fandom Follower Celebration & Sherry’s Fall Into You Challenge. Warnings: Language, violence, drug use, alcohol, smoking, explicit sexual content, illegal activities.

Steve watched with narrowed eyes as the woman behind the counter tongued a lollipop and denied knowing her boss’s whereabouts. He didn’t have time for bullshit, nor was he in the mood to be polite, and when she slurped and lied again, he snapped.  

“Go back there and tell him Steve Rogers is here,” he ordered. “Do it, right fucking now, or I will make your death look like an unfortunate choking accident.”

The woman must’ve sensed it wasn’t an idle threat because she immediately dropped the candy into the trash and ran for the office door. Her rapid knocking resulted in her being told to “fuck off,” but the moment she stuttered his name, she was instructed to flip the sign, lock the front door, and get lost.

“Well, well, well,” Sam greeted. “Has the prodigal son finally returned?”

Steve unzipped his jacket, retrieved an envelope from the inner-pocket, and tossed it onto the counter. When Sam broke the seal, a lot of green was revealed, and he motioned for Steve to follow him.

As soon as the hidden panel in the back room slid open, a dark, twisted zing of excitement shot up his spine. This life and the behavior it evoked – it should’ve bothered him, but it didn’t. Like no time had passed at all, Sam followed him around the room, duffel bag at the ready, and packed up his selections. When asked what all the hardware was for, Steve said personal protection, and shoved another envelope of money into Sam’s hand.  

“Steve, man, come on…”

“Take it. Call it an apology bonus.”

Sam handed over the bag and pocketed the cash, “He’s in charge now. You know that, right?”

Steve grunted in acknowledgement, but didn’t comment. He’d been in town less than a week and had already heard all about what the man had been up to over the last five years. When Steve had known him, he’d been Bucky, but now, he went by JB, and his former best friend was at the tippy-top of the proverbial food chain.

There were six Families – Barton, Maximoff, Odinson, Stark, Rogers, and Barnes – and all their ancestors had taken a turn at the helm at one time or another. He and Bucky had been raised from birth to own and run the city, but they hadn’t just grown up and come up together – they’d gone through everything together. Puberty; initiation; coming out of the closet; bad breakups; first jobs; high school; college.

They’d even buried their first dead body together.

After graduation, Steve had a position lined up at a lucrative art gallery ripe for money laundering and weapons trafficking. Bucky threw himself in with the politicians and socialites, which provided ample opportunity for extortion and bribery. For nearly a decade, it had been simple, and it had made sense. They’d excelled; honed their skills; brought in more than enough money to appease. It hadn’t been perfect and they’d fucked up a few times, but no matter what, they’d always had each other’s backs.

Then, one night, Bucky got hurt during what was supposed to have been a routine job, and for Steve, it had changed everything…

He’d met Derek at a gallery opening.

They’d hit it off instantly; exchanged numbers; texted for over a week before finally going on a date. Derek was smart, flirtatious, down-to-earth, and so damn good looking. After their second date, Steve agreed to a nightcap, and followed Derek back to his place. The invitation had been a ploy they’d both been in on and they’d barely made it past the threshold.

“I want you,” he panted as he reached for Steve’s belt.

Steve groaned into Derek’s mouth, “You know I have a minimum three-date rule.”

“Which you know I find archaically sexy.”

“I really should go.”

“I really don’t want you to.”

Self-restraint was all well and good, but after such a long dry spell, it was difficult to stick to principle. It also didn’t help that Derek’s hands had found their way beneath his shirt and his mouth had latched onto a particular spot on Steve’s neck that really drove him crazy. He’d been seconds away from asking where the bedroom was when his cellphone rang, and the sound of Bucky’s ringtone brought him up short.

He knew Steve was on a date, but if Bucky was calling, it was important, and that meant he needed to answer. He apologized to Derek and retrieved his phone from his pocket.

“My best friend – he’s just checking in on me,” Steve explained.

“I completely understand and will make myself scarce,” he replied. “Just be sure to tell him how hot you think I am and that I’m not a serial killer, alright?”

Steve just smirked, and as soon as Derek was out of sight and earshot, he accepted the call. He’d been poised to tell Bucky his timing, per usual, was terrible, but the strained voice that rattled out his name killed both his arousal and his humor. Something had gone wrong and he didn’t hesitate – didn’t even tell Derek he was leaving – he just ran out the door, and got into his car. Bucky only managed to give him a street name before he started wheezing.

“I’m on my way,” Steve told him. “Just hang on. I’m comin’ for you, Buck.”

He couldn’t quite recall where exactly where he’d found Bucky, but he distinctly remembered the blood, and how it had looked as it trickled down his chin and spread all over the pavement. His pale face and cold hands; the absolute terror Steve had felt when he couldn’t get his best friend to wake up; the rage, horror, and regret; the frantic drive to the hospital; the nerve-wracking wait.  

The Families made a show of support, but their concern for Bucky’s actual well-being had been feigned at best. Bucky had become a popular man, was well-liked in the territories he ran, and was one of the biggest earners they had. If they lost him, business would suffer, and that’s all they cared about.

While they were preoccupied with appearances, retaliation, and continued cash flow, Steve was losing his mind, because the only man he’d ever loved was hanging on by a thread. When they weighed Bucky’s chances of survival against the consequences of retribution, he knew they had to get out.

Bucky lived and recovered; in fact, he’d bounced back faster and better than anyone expected him to, and the fact that he carried on like a good, little soldier had pissed Steve off. The awkward conversation they had about it turned into a heated argument, and it wasn’t until they’d exchanged blows and Bucky had put Steve in a chokehold that he broke.

He admitted how scared he’d been; that he was furious with the Families; he couldn’t stand the thought of him being hurt again; he’d been in love with him since they were kids; couldn’t imagine life without him. Like a sinner who confessed to a priest, the multitude of iniquities spilled and spilled, but he knew there’d be no absolution – not in this lifetime, at least.

Steve hadn’t just blurred the boundaries of their friendship; he’d completely crossed the line. It could’ve been his admission, Bucky’s brush with death, or the fact they were just two, fucked up men with a lot of baggage – whatever it was, it shifted things between them. Bucky hadn’t commented on anything Steve had told him, but he’d definitely reacted. Instead of being restrained with malice, Steve found himself trapped by passion, and no words had been needed for that.

It had meant something to Steve, but for Bucky, it had been nothing more than a pity fuck…

“You know you can’t hide from him.”

He tore himself away from the bitter musings and looked at Sam, “Who says I’m hiding?”

“He’ll go right for your throat.”

“Careful, Sam, or I’ll start to think you actually care what happens to me.”

“You know I always liked you best.”

Steve rolled his eyes and shouldered the bag, “And on that note.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Sam muttered as they exited the back room.

He took a different route back to the car, but with each step, the sensation of being followed intensified. When he reached the vehicle, he put the bag in the front passenger seat, shut the door, and slowly turned around. A few moments later, Natasha stepped into the alley, and her appearance meant there would be no meeting in Prospect Park.

“Rogers,” she greeted quietly.

“Romanoff,” he replied back.

Natasha took another step forward, “This isn’t personal.”

Steve nodded once, “I know.”

When presented with a difficult decision, the Families either discussed it, ignored it, or threw money at it. They hadn’t invited him for a sit-down, let alone attempted to bribe him, and he knew they wouldn’t have taken him down in public, which meant it wasn’t a fully planned, sanctioned hit.

Bucky would’ve backed down or at the very least done it himself.

JB had pulled rank and sent someone else to do his dirty work.  

“Just make it quick,” he told her.

She placed a hand on his shoulder, “I will.”

Steve showed her his empty hands and it lulled her into a false sense of security. She reached for her weapon and he allowed her to. Then, without reluctance or mercy, used her own tactics against her.

An abrupt intake of breath; a sudden cough; a low groan of pain.

The retractable wrist blade had slipped right between her ribs and punctured a lung.

Steve withdrew the knife and watched as Natasha slowly fell to her knees on the dirty, wet pavement. He found her phone in her pocket, thought about using it to call her an ambulance, but reconsidered. Instead, he demanded she unlock it, and after she did, he brought up good ol’ JB’s number.

“Is it done?” he asked by way of greeting.

“No,” Steve answered coldly. “But if you hurry, she might live.”

Chapter 3: Sleight

Everything: @jennmurawski13​ @nerdy-bookworm-1998​

Steve Rogers: @patzammit @hearttoearth​ The Boss of Brooklyn: @star-spangled-man-with-a-plan​ @jamesbarnesappreciationsociety @captain-rogers-beard​ @lilliannaansalla

[miastideclock]

ink.

part seven

a fifteen part SocialMedia!AU featuring Bang Chan of Stray Kids. started: august 18th, 2019 completed: august 27th, 2019

lower-case intended.

it was saturday evening, the heavy rain outside making it a perfect day in. vienna was wrapped up in a big hoodie and a blanket on the couch, her face free of any makeup and her messy hair packed into a cap- just like she liked it. the series she was currently binge-ing was playing on the television in front of her, her mind completely shut off, the stick of the lollipop she finished hanging at the edge of her mouth. it was a great feeling. no stressing about any studying or work, and no stressing about brunch with the girls. she had to admit it was a bit lonely, but it was probably just because she wasn't used to it. the only person that kept her company was her little cat, frank.

her phone went off a few times, but she ignored it. she could only imagine it was hyunjin sending her some dumb meme, or asking her how to boil an egg. if it was important he would call and they both knew that. but after another five or six minutes, her ringtone played softly through the room, making vienna pause the series playing on the telly and reach for her phone. it was indeed hyunjin.

"hyunjin, hi." she spoke into the phone as soon as she swiped the green button across the screen. the voice on the other end was clearly hyunjin, but it was breathing heavy, out of breath as if he had been running. "hey, hi. uhm, is it cool if me, chan and jisung stop by real quick? the rain caught us and we're on your block." he asked. the sound of rain pouring could be heard in the background, and even if it hadn't been, vienna gave them permission to come up to her apartment. hyunjin had been there once before to deliver a bracelet she had left behind at the tattoo-parlor, having to take it off when she was getting her arm tattooed, so he knew where to go and what to do.

not long after, there was a gentle sound at the intercom next to viennas front door, meaning there were someone at the entrance ringing her doorbell. the sound scared the poor little cat, making it jump off the couch and escape to viennas bedroom. she was quick to buzz them inn, giving them a few minutes to get up all the stairs before she opened the door. while waiting she had gone to the washroom closet and gotten a few towels, hoping that they weren't too cold.

not long after, three boys were standing in her hallway, dripping wet from the rain, all of them gladly accepting the towels. vienna tried to think of something that would get their clothes dry, but she was out of luck. "what were you doing out now anyways? it's pouring!" the girl asked, the three boys looking at each other.

"we we're shopping, not realizing that the weather forecast had said it would get worse throughout the day." jisung smiled sheepishly, scratching the back of his neck. an idea popped into viennas head as he said so. she asked them if they got any clothes, which they did. she then instructed them to go change into that so she could throw their wet clothes in the dryer. they all nodded, going to the different rooms she gave them to change. the boys soon disappeared into her room, bathroom and the laundry room.

vienna then threw her blanket back onto the couch, going to the kitchen to prepare some hot chocolate for the boys so that they could get the heat back into them. jisung was the first one out from changing, informing that he had already thrown his clothes in the dryer as he was changing in the laundry room, he hadn't turned it on yet though so the other boys could put their clothes in too. while he spoke, vienna ladled a cup with hot cocoa, tossing a few mini marshmallows in there too, handing it to him. he thanked her and sat down by the kitchen island, sipping his drink.

the two boys were soon out as well, the hostess handing them each a big cup filled with her homemade recipe. hyunjin tossed her his clothes, and chan handed her his, their hands bumping into each other as he did so. she then put them in the dryer, turning it on. while in there, she turned the thermostat up a bit so the apartment would grow warmer, making it more comfortable for the boys.

"you're a damn good hostess." hyunjin admitted when vienna returned to the kitchen, grabbing herself a cup of cocoa too, sitting down next to chan at the island, looking directly at jisung. she thanked him and they got to talking, having one of the conversations she and chan had had earlier. one that made absolutely no sense to anyone but them. it was then vienna finally realized that she had actually found a friend-group she was comfortable with, one that made her feel like herself, even more so than the one back in the states did. it was nice.

part zero

part one

part two

part three

part four

part five

part six

part seven

part eight

part nine

part ten

part eleven

part twelve

part thirteen

part fourteen

part fifteen

-bentley

[water-hates-learning]

Eddsworld Cellphone Headcanons

because I'm bored pre-legacy btw

Edd -every text has a cat emoji. every. single. one. -his phone case looks like a cola can -many, many, many pictures of Ringo -also lots of pictures of his friends in compromising positions -social media accounts are 90% puns -only app games are “dress up” type games -no it’s not wholesome, he makes his friends in them and then puts them in dumb outfits -ringtone is “Sugar, Sugar” by The Archies -used to have a little cola charm but Ringo pulled it off and now it’s lost forever

Tord -his phone is locked but everyone knows the passcode is n0rskiXXX -so much hentai on that phone…so much… -has the SCP app and reads it religiously -everything is Edgy™ -his wallpaper is probably a busty demon chick -no one likes touching or looking at his phone, it makes their soul feel slimy -a disturbing amount of guns -notif noise used to be some awful hentai moaning thing until Tom gouged out the speaker in a fit of drunken rage -texts like he’s on a flip phone and can’t be bothered to put all the letters in -“tom drnk n thrw up n my rm” -we don’t talk about his phone case

Matt -the charms on it weigh more than the phone -seriously how are there so many damn charms on this phone -full of selfies, social media apps, and candy crush games -hates it when Tom steals his charger -super cute and sparkly custom decoden case -his phone is a weapon and can definitely bludgeon someone to death -in fact it probably has killed someone -secretly has a list of ways to get back at Edd for all the shit he pulls -will bite you if you touch his phone

Tom -always leaves his phone laying around, hardly ever actually has it with him -if he does have it with him, it's probably dead -lost the charger years ago, usually steals someone else's -plain black phone case covered in scratches -full of a sordid history of drunk texts -made his ringtone “Sunshine, Lollipops” just to fuck with Tord -the only other app is snapchat because Matt put it on there and he keeps forgetting to delete it -phone isn’t locked because half the time he’s too drunk to remember his password -usually throws his phone at someone, misses, and then leaves it there -how the hell is it still in one piece

[jugandbettsdetectiveagency]

Not even thoughts just something:

This episode was my favourite so far

Everyone acted their butts off. Lili killed it. Cole’s expressions tho. KJ got it down. Camila was fire. Madchen in that outfit!!!!

Don’t throw hate at the cast/writers. Grow up.

My heart is broken I can’t wait so see what happens next

Up until Archie arrived I’m pretty sure Jughead was ‘undercovering’ the Serpents and then the girl he loved sent someone else to break up with him. He’s insecure and people leave - he believed it. He said fuck it. He’s all in because they seem like the only people begging for his attention. If he doesn’t push Toni away, I get it. He’s confused and heartbroken and feels the weight of a town on his shoulders. It made sense to me.

The layering of that RENT cover over the punch ups is my FAVOURITE STYLING CHOICE EVER. And creepy lollipop ringtones are now my life.

The Black Hood showing Betty that they ‘are the same’ was another thing I also loved. Like damn my lil English Lit nerd got all tingly.

Although was not a fan of ‘homewrecking bi’ and ‘unecessary assault’ use.

Juggie that tattoo better be fake you’ll be catching these hands you’re underage

This season just got liiiiiiiiiit - that promo looks so. damn. good.

Now that I’ve done my obligatory post-ep feelings ramble, I’m getting the hell outta dodge.

[floggingink]

Riverdale, “Chapter Eighteen: When a Stranger Calls”

good afternoon, this episode made me lose sleep

Jughead doesn’t even have his framing narration voiceover, because he is in too much pain, RETROACTIVELY, to WRITE IT DOWN

this is a great episode, but it’s especially a great episode for Betty’s left eyebrow, Alice’s left eyebrow, and Jughead’s pecs

there’s a very STEALTHY ticking clock sound in the background of Betty and the Black Hood’s phonecall, taken in spirit, I hope, from Hans Zimmer’s Dunkirk soundtrack, where you don’t notice it but the protracted effect makes you feel like you’re going crazy

Jughead is Betty’s “mystery-loving boyfriend”

Alice was fond of Jughead so long as he was on Betty’s newspaper staff and showed Alice compassion when her family life was crumbling, but now that he lives in a different zip code she’s over it

Archie in green is always his best choice

Archie of course walks Betty to school and of course promises not to tell a secret before he hears it

does Betty enlist Archie as her handmaiden because he’s the best choice (will do as she says, will not branch out on his own, will refuse on moral grounds to abandon her) or because she can do so with the least amount of fanfare?

“BETTY, YOU HAVE TO TELL THE POLICE, EVEN IF IT’S NOT HIM.” Archie drops some vintage bon mots today!

The Blossom spawn: it’s incredible that the Black Hood knows where Polly is when it seems like Betty doesn’t even know

Dilton Doiley is a canonically great dancer: Dilton’s stunt got the southside into more trouble, which seems like exactly the amount of power he wants to wield

remember last season when Dilton caved to Jughead’s threat of exposing him as a gun-loving loon? Dilton has purged his life of all semblances of normalcy, out in the open, so no one can do that again

apparently now we can all chill in Hiram’s study with him

Veronica was rich: Hiram’s true crime is gentrification! sounds about right!

Certified pedigree: Veronica perks up and Hermione and Hiram look at each other and agree to the same game plan silently: pimp her out

Sweet Pea is, I think, showing commendable patience towards Jughead, for someone who does not necessarily have to, for still having this particular girlfriend and best friend (“your boy, Andrews”) after day after day of southside-reasons not to. Jughead is like….I know….I don’t control them….

Jughead did not see Veronica shooting a gun coming! poor Jug is so out of the loop!

I guess Fangs earned his stripes? was it by getting an engineering degree?

What damn high school in America: okay wait, I missed before when they explained that “Fogarty’s cousin” is “in the Army” and was “going to build us something.” I can’t believe they actually FUCKING EXPLAIN IT

Sweet Pea did not know who he was talking to when he tried to hit Jughead with “It can’t get any worse.” Jughead is like, LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING—

“You can’t be half a Serpent”: it’s FASCINATING TO ME how the actual on-the-ground Serpents deal with Jughead, who is familially a Serpent but not an indoctrinated one, who has been baptised but not confirmed, if you will, who keeps telling them to knock it off with the gang stuff, and yet they’re like, very careful about giving him latitude to move around in their world without having paid his membership fee, you know? I just think it’s amazing how, and I know it’s a TV show and not like a documentary, but I think it’s an interesting choice how Sweet Pea isn’t just like, Get fucked, Jughead. he hears Jughead’s objections. he explains himself

These students are legally children: the grown-up Serpents either ghost-endorse the Serpent kids taking matters into their own hands or have no idea it’s happening. either way, these kids may not have flashy extracurriculars, but they have moxie

Toni calls Sweet Pea an idiot, which is great

Veronica says she and Nicky were the “will-they-or-won’t-they” of her old “jet-set”

admirably, she immediately tells Archie not to worry about him

Betty is barely hanging on to patience for absolutely anything

I want it on the record that Jughead not wearing his fleece jacket is slightly jarring after all this time and that he still looks great in the leather one

Sweet Pea calls him a “northsider” when he walks in, which seems like a callback to a World War II sergeant calling everybody “ladies”

I’ve seen Brick like thirty times: Jughead is lit from behind by one of the yellow lamps, casting a glow around his hat like a fucking Renaissance painting

Gay?!: SERPENT DADDDDDYYYYY is going to “initiate” Jughead, because Riverdale loves me

Toni is looking at Jughead like she truly regrets his death, which is probably right

Archie, chilling out with Betty in her bedroom, totally without sexual pretence and just there to listen to the phone call on speaker, is GOOD ARCHIE

when Betty parries the Black Hood’s demand with her own, Archie mouths “WHAT ARE YOU DOING,” because he set a game plan

Betty is blue is her best choice

“Wait...is that…” ...VINTAGE TWIN PEAKS-ERA MÄDCHEN AMICK??!

the baby Serpents lined themselves up classically, in descending order from the middle, for Jughead’s aesthetic benefit

is it possible Toni is the only one who knows Jughead’s name is Forsythe?

Archie is pretty okay with Betty building this relationship with the Black Hood, as you will remember Archie is just as obsessed with him. also, Archie is taking it pretty well that it turns out BH is into Betty instead of him. he’s not insulted or anything

he’s SO RIGHT about Alice always ragging on all of them, too! Archie’s sudden flashes of insight are revelatory

the St. Clairs are appropriately fur-covered and smug, and Nicholas St. Clair, AKA ZACH FLORRICK FROM THE GOOD WIFE, is adorable and that actor has looked exactly like that for the past seven years

why didn’t Nicky and Veronica ever sync up? they’re both schemers and that’s a difficult needle to thread? like Blair and Chuck?

I am insulted on Betty’s behalf that Alice would think Betty would write the cipher herself, in that I would hope Alice would know Betty would have more sense than to be so obvious as to use a Nancy Drew code

Jughead is officially Betty’s “Serpent boyfriend”!!!! we have arrived, Alice!

50 Shades of Betty: Betty straight destroys her mother after getting eye-rolled at

Archie does bicep curls on his bed because he’s THAT good-looking

Toni’s FLANNEL TIGHTS are great

Jughead calls Sweet Pea an idiot too, after Toni opened that gate

OF COURSE Jughead is only joining the Serpents to try and keep the peace, because he finally found a cause to martyr himself to that is as grungy and doomed as possible and with no goshdarn way he can succeed

I’m down with the six rules! but I don’t think the show has told me exactly what being a Serpent entails yet. like what do gangs do? the Serpents aren’t a particularly druggy gang, apparently, like the motorcycle dudes in True Detective (the Ghoulies) or anything. it seems like they mostly exist to get ragged on and take care of their widows, like a very sad union

Jughead is truly scared to stick his hand in that tank and if Kevin were there he would have burst into tears

in fond congratulations, Toni calls him “Juggie,” which set off a synaptic transmission in my amygdala first time around. Jughead does a double take at it and Toni herself looks kind of like, Whoops, but then sort of pleased at her own daring

POP DOESN’T JUDGE. HE WAS HERE DURING THE RIOTS AND HE DOESN’T JUDGE

Betty having her own fucking newspaper makes me so fucking happy. I fucking love Betty goddammit

Betty’s splash of sparkles on her sweater is great too. YOU’RE ALWAYS SO PRETTY BETTY

Hermione made a flan. Hermione kind of cooks! ...unless it was Andre

Nicky’s bullet is kind of cute, in a stupid way

Archie was blindly terrified to drink rum, so I don’t think he’s going to snort cocaine

in the beginning of this episode, in the beginning, Nicky basically IS Veronica. just watch it and pretend Camilla is reading all his lines. he calls Archie “Big Red” and everyone “country mice” and says things like “What a brave new world it is” and thinks it’s hot Veronica is in a band with a sexy name. and Veronica knows this, and it makes her uncomfortable

“Damn good coffee”: the retro “Lollipop” ringtone is psycho by only the second time you hear it. Dilton would love it

“How does it feel, Betty?” FEELS GREAT!

Black Hood out here really believing Veronica is complicit with her father’s crimes??? maybe if it was for getting that girl to drink gutter water

Betty and Jughead haven’t seen each other in 24-48 hours and their meetup kiss is like if Jughead like, immigrated to America and sent money back home FOR YEARS while he worked in THE MINES until he saved enough for Betty to join him and they just met on the pier during a glorious sunset, I didn’t get a lot of sleep!!!!! the kiss is really good. is it the best kiss? it’s because it’s like their first kiss but over the other shoulder. was their best kiss in the trailer park with the God light?

THEY FEEL “UNMOORED” WITHOUT EACH OTHER, GOOD EVENING DEATH

obviously the best kiss was when Jughead tossed her up on his countertop like she was a black truffle salad at the Grill Room and bit her collarbone

Jughead: “I just wanted to make sure you were still alive.” Betty: “KEEP YOUR VOICE DOWN.”

Jughead read the Blue & Gold article online and glowed with pride. he showed Sweet Pea: “SEE. SHE writes stuff like THIS.”

aw, they’re both sitting there, holding hands, lying to each other

I love Jughead wanting to literally leave Riverdale. Season One Jughead was obsessed with Riverdale. Season Two Jughead is like FUCK Riverdale

I hate how Jughead is gazing at Betty from across the table when she cries her single tear because it was so beautiful I had to punch through a window like Josh Lyman and it hurt and I retroactively hate Jughead for that

Betty calls them “Romeo and Juliet, but we live happily ever after instead,” because she doesn’t know she’s only eighteen minutes into the episode

Nick’s white cardigan? sure

he gets another Veronica line with “You Pussycats are pearls before the swine of Riverdale.” is this how people in Manhattan talk now?

Cheryl’s a chaos angel from hell: Cheryl gets herself invited to the party by introducing herself, which would not work if this were Jane Austen, unless Nick were Henry Crawford, but Cheryl’s got this like black romper thing going on and posed in the doorway like one of the “Cell Block Tango” girls and at this point is a walking Riverdale legend

“Ten o’clock you said? I’ll be there at eleven.”

Archie crashes gently into someone while he chases Betty, which is a callback to Archie constantly falling over shit in the comics

Veronica probably went to the Gilded Lily after one of those Met Galas she keeps comparing things to

I think Gal Gadot’s last name is more like “Gadought” (not really like that) than like in Waiting for Godot, but whatever Cheryl wants

God bless jingle-jangle: my man hooked him up!!!

Veronica’s layered floral dress is like what my ten-year-old self being dressed by my mom for church wished one day I would be cool enough to wear. I don’t go to church now, but I still hope one day I will be cool enough to wear it

Cheryl’s sheaths: Cheryl’s art deco dress is really good too

Melody is in a GREAT ruffly red jumpsuit

Kevin in like, Don’t mind if I do!

Melody is like DON’T MIND IF I DO

Reggie and Josie are making out when they’re high, because they’re contractually obligated as the two most beautiful people in the room

Betty is miserable, like a teacher chaperoning a dance where the kids are allowed to grind

Cheryl’s hair: Cheryl whips her hair around like Beyoncé in the video for “Baby Boy” and I had to punch another window

it took me a second to remember that Betty had to alienate Veronica and that that was why she was suddenly talking to her like Drunk Alice and that it wasn’t just Pissed Betty

Betty’s read is pretty good! exactly what Veronica is afraid of: that she has been performing as a good girl this whole time. or that people only think she is performing it. “You’ll always be a bad person.” but Veronica is very measured for someone a little drunk and high! (are you “high” if you’re on jingle-jangle?) she calmly tells Betty to leave. BECAUSE SHE IS A GOOD PERSON

damn this episode is so low-lit. like, Hannibal dark. I can barely fucking see Jughead in this trailer. Toni is half-lit by the mysterious blue trailer park light and is beautiful, so we can see her laced-up jeans

Jughead doubts it: Jughead has a very Jugheadian response to the Gauntlet: “It’s whatever.”

Toni wants to be clear that if Jughead joins this gang, everyone else will abandon him. Jughead is like...This one time...I choose not to believe it...

Summer + Blair = Veronica: Veronica still thinks Betty is her best friend and that something weird just happened that she will investigate later. Veronica is so fucking LEVEL-HEADED

Veronica unfortunately has to engage in the dance of “Mmmm sorry if I gave you the wrong impression…” when Nick just like strokes her thigh, like she isn’t clearly happily with Archie or just a person who may not want a thigh-stroking right this minute

Nick calls Archie a “hayseed yokel”

good slap! GOOD SLAP, ZACH

Betty dragged herself out to this, the world’s most suspect bus stop, in a staging not even Alfred Hitchcock would have dared pitch to Grace Kelly

Lili Reinhart does something shockingly good every episode, but Betty’s breakdown, especially her shudder-shiver breath when her phone rings, is so far beyond what the CW deserves

when BH is like “JUGHEAD,” and Betty is like “[gasp] NO,” and I’m like “I’M OUT OF WINDOWS”

...you know what the greatest trope of all time is?

—no. the greatest trope of all time is Make Him Think You Don’t Love Him. solidly, confidently, signed, sealed, delivered, the greatest, most delicious, stupidly painful thing one character can do to another. it combines SO MUCH lurid goodness: two people who, apparently, shouldn’t be together; desperate heroic measures; lack of communication—for safety reasons!; selflessness; self-torture; “I DON’T UNDERSTAND”; BRUTAL WORDS; hitting him where you know it hurts; the heartbreaker is always a GREAT actor suddenly; turning the corner after going through with it and weeping abjectly; DANGER AVOIDED BUT SOMETHING EVEN WORSE HAPPENING!!! just like—just like in Moulin Rouge! like in Twilight for god’s sake! you loved that part!

I do like how BH has no particular objection to Jughead as his own person but rather just to his father and his circumstances. Jughead’s a good kid, says BH

Archie’s Captain America Henley is back and better than ever

who is Archie calling? endless possibilities, but I hope Veronica

Archie gets EVEN MORE little moments of greatness seeing Betty spiral (is she spiralling?) and being like, Betty, this is not sustainable: “How are you going to put yourself through that?” I know there are like 12 Archies on this show, but this is one of the sweet ones

I don’t even know if it’s totally clear that Betty is telling him to “break up” with Jughead inasmuch as just keep him away from her for a couple days or so. is it possible Betty just wants Archie to be like, “Something’s happening but we have it under control, so stop coming to Pop’s”? how much credit am I giving these two?

Archie > Dawson: Archie has never been wiser than with “You HOPE we can.” and the look he gives her? devastatingly fleeting sagacity. he knows Jughead is Soft Grudge Boy

Betty knows what she’s doing using a sports metaphor on Archie’s conscience

okay what the fuck does “SoDale” mean. South Riverdale?

Best costume bit: Hermione’s white cutout dress and top knot are Academy-worthy

Veronica’s “charm offensive”

OH YEAH, FRED’S STILL THERE

ooooh Hal certainly stepped up with Alice gone, did he not?

when Alice strides in in the Outfit, there are some prop-girls at the tent entrance in denim skirts and hard hats, like as pretend construction workers

Mädchen Amick, MÄDCHEN AMICK: Alice’s, I don’t know what to call it, flowy snakeskin cape-suit is either something she had stashed or something she bought on Amazon Prime that morning. is this what FP meant when he said she didn’t dress like the southside anymore? is this the other option, besides flannel? ...Toni? JUG?

the eyebrow? “Shove it, Hal”? Cheryl walks in too late, if you ask me

is Nick’s bowtie like .5% too big?

Veronica is in the midst of deciding whether or not to say “I DON’T GIVE A SHIT” when she sees her parents talking to Nick’s parents and feels the pull of her father telling her she was a real part of Lodge Industries now

poor fucking lonely Cheryl. Cheryl is ALONE. Cheryl looks good!

ARCHIE TAKES A TURN in this scene from the upcoming Hostel III: My Favorite Characters. was I ready for the greatest moment in the history of television Wednesday night? I was not. nothing else measures up: “The hardest thing to do in this world is to—” —who? “Cruciatus in crucem” what? who shot JR? I don’t even care. Jughead thought Archie was here to save him. don’t talk to me

The female gaze: Jughead’s tank top is back, because on top of everything else he should be physically vulnerable (direct quote from Sweet Pea)

I’m writing a scene where it’s gay.: Jughead SO GENTLY puts his hands on Archie’s shoulders to try and communicate by Morse code how urgently Archie needs to leave

Archie was going along with Betty’s instructions up until Sweet Pea & the Gang strolled up, and then it turned into him breaking up with Jughead for Betty and breaking up with Jughead for Archie, because Archie explodes when he’s angry and he just got like really angry

“thugs” is a terrible thing to say, when Archie obviously means “like-minded young men who want to protect their clan, as I do my own, like I did that one time”

the wrongness of calling Reggie and Dilton Jughead’s friends is blatant, but implying that Veronica got attacked is either Archie being a garbled storyteller or Archie rounding up to make Jughead’s crime, or whatever, even worse, as if Jughead is being a bad friend. Jughead is practically THE BEST FRIEND ON THIS SHOW

Jughead (I just took my glasses off, for a visual of the unplumbable depths of my emotion) asking Archie if Archie came to warn him that the Serpents are dangerous, because Archie loves him, is so motherfucking sad, it’s sadder than like, like anything else, it’s sadder than the end of Homeward Bound when you’re eight and you think Shadow fucking died in that trainyard (before he comes back; spoilers for Homeward Bound: the Incredible Journey)

Archie’s follow-up is that Betty doesn’t want to be with him anymore, and in fact hasn’t wanted to be with him for a while, which, on top of everything else!, is mortifying to a certain kind of person, that someone you enjoy being with has been rolling their eyes at you behind your back

Gay.: okay Sweet Pea looking back at Fangs, who’s like, Mhmmm, when Archie’s doing his thing, is really good

Sweet Pea is really good throughout! he’s standing there but he doesn’t step in, even at the “dark side” stuff. he’s kind of minding his own business!

Jughead is apparently so wretched about himself that the incongruity of this attack isn’t even a blip on his radar. he’s not like, Archie, respectfully, this is coming out of nowhere. Archie, what? What the hell? instead he’s like, The day has come

Archie’s pornographic cruelty here (which is precisely what Betty told him NOT TO DO) is to include the “agonizing over it” detail, which is a REALLY GOOD detail, and then his AMAZING bluff about “CALL HER.”

Jughead’s internal certainty about Betty’s unimpeachable conduct starts to crack

“She saw where you were headed. We all did.”: it’s not enough that Betty, the creature he loves most in all the world, thinks he’s trash and wants him gone, but it’s all of us, and Jughead buys it because he’s conditioned to expect that everyone will tolerate him up until the point they realize he’s trash and want him gone, as the Powers That Be, like he put it, keep telling him over and over and over (his mother, his father, Reggie, Sheriff Keller, Fred Andrews, the Rockland County school system, Alice, Sweet Pea, Toni, Archie)

Archie knows he might’ve put a toe over the line (obliterated it?) when Jughead looks like he’s about to cry, and Jughead tells him he got it and he just quietly says “Yeah,” and walks away, through the Serpents, who leave him alone

I honestly don’t know what Sweet Pea was about to say before Jughead cut him off! something bracing? he was definitely AT LEAST going to be neutral. there’s no “I told you so,” which is good otherwise Jughead might’ve Gauntleted himself. he changes the subject!

“I’m choosing to blame Betty’s Britney-esque meltdown.”

Cheryl isn’t fucking around with baby sips

GOD!!!!!!! I hope Lodge Industries razing the entire southside BRINGS BACK how it destroyed Jughead’s drive-in and FINALLY MAKES JUGHEAD AND VERONICA YELL AT EACH OTHER

The 2001 Josie and the Pussycats movie was a masterpiece: the Pussycats and Veronica looks incredible (the corset-like back of Veronica’s dress?) and perform the only song from Rent that I like!

Fwoopy hair is the best hair: VALERIE

Riverdale brings back one of their very good things: somebody cheerfully singing over top the visual of something horrible happening

Please protect Betty: Betty unrestrainedly sobbing in her windowsill while Jug cracks his neck (something he does now) in CrossFit mobility training for running the gauntlet is better than anything Alice predicted would happen when they started dating

Archie deserves to sit alone at Pop’s counter for a little while

Josie is so...fit. she’s tiny and she’s all muscle

okay LOVED Jughead’s smoky silhouette before he starts walking, loved

Cheryl’s sparkly boots???

Veronica and Josie take note of Nick leading Cheryl away IMMEDIATELY, because as you recall Veronica is a feminist superhero and senses when sketch is afoot

the gauntlet was good until it was GREAT. YOU KNOW WHAT I’M TALKING ABOUT:

Sexy, aesthetic Southside: Sweet Pea probably breaks Jughead’s fucking cheekbone with that. Jughead doesn’t really have cheekbones, but he has cheek bones and it’s probably fucking broken, and it was, IT WAS EXACTLY the kind of sexy, bloody, homoerotic standoff I crave. that lighting? Sweet Pea’s FACE? Jughead standing there with his shoulders back, daring him to go harder? Jughead is not having a good time, but I’m having a great time. I fucking love the Serpents

the real gauntlet looks like it would be lying on the floor while Josie and the Pussycats kick the shit out of you

Sweet Pea and Toni and the Daddy are SO PROUD OF JUGHEAD!!! SO AM I!!!!!

it’s possible Betty seriously no longer cares if she lives or dies, is the only explanation for her going to an “abandoned house on the edge of Fox Forest” by her own damn self

I will say the wallpaper in this house is more or less the same as in Betty’s bedroom, and that is a very Betty mirror

Archie could literally kill someone tonight, so it’s probably for the best he didn’t make the leap the Nick went back to HIS HOTEL ROOM

Josie keeps slightly fixing the warm orange knit over Cheryl’s legs

“It’s not your fault, Veronica.”

Jughead got the tiniest little Serpent tattoo, because he is just a child

I LOVE Toni’s headband wrap

Every triangle has three corners, every triangle has three sides: is it kind of tacky for Toni to kiss him right now? yes. is it BAD? no. he’s developing another layer of trauma as we speak, but he’s single. somebody wants him!

OOOOOOOOHHHH BETTY!!!!!!!

NEXT WEEK: Cheryl in round sunglasses

[sunflowerbyler]

11/15 Riverdale Episode

“I’M MORE INTO GIRLS”

I am Toni and Toni is me. We are one. Vanessa you’re doing great sweetie.

Hot ghoulie guy??!!! I am a southside slut.

Betty why isn’t your ringtone lollipop anymore?

Archie you are so godtdamn annoying. Stop trying to be this messiah!

Cheryl honey you deserve better.

NICK ST CLAIRE YOU ARE A GODT DAMN PIG THANK GOD

“Karma’s a bitch”

[latoyarubalcava3546]

23 ~Sexual~ Songs You Listened To Growing Up But Didn't Totally Understand

*mouths the lyrics to “The Real Slim Shady” while finger painting*

1. "Lollipop" — Lil Wayne feat. Static

"Call me, so I can make it juicy for ya" was a lyric I'd often sing. As you can imagine, I did not know what I was offering.

Cash Money

2. "Candy Shop" — 50 Cent feat. Olivia

"I'll let you lick the lollipop / Go 'head girl don't you stop." Yet another sexual song about childhood treats. Plot twist: It's not about lollipops.

Interscope

3. "Shake That" — Eminem feat. Nate Dogg

"I'm a menace, a dentist, an oral hygienist / Open your mouth for about four or five minutes." I just assumed Eminem fantasized about working in the dental industry this whole time.

Interscope / Aftermath

4. "Goodies" — Ciara feat. Petey Pablo

The third song on our list that sexualizes childhood treats. "I bet you want the goodies / Bet you thought about it / Got you all hot and bothered." I mean, what's sexual about hot, moist, tasty baked goods?

LaFace

5. "Yeah!" — Usher feat. Lil Jon and Ludacris

Everyone's favorite song at the school dance is more sexual than you thought: "So gimme the rhythm and it'll be off with their clothes / Then bend over to the front and touch your toes." Still so damn catchy.

Arista

6. "My Humps" — the Black Eyed Peas

You knew this one was coming. The Black Eyed Peas weren't subtle about anything. "Mix your milk with my coco puff / milky milky coco" is a lyric that will forever be stuck in our heads.

Interscope Records

7. "Best I Ever Had" — Drake

Drake's falsetto and that catchy beat were almost enough to disguise this song as a family-friendly hit. But lyrics such as, "We could do it real big, bigger than you ever done it / You be up on everything, other hoes ain't never on it," kept it from being played on my family car trips.

Aspire / Young Money

8. "If U Seek Amy" — Britney Spears

Subliminal messaging at its finest. If you didn't catch the hidden meaning in 2009, go back and give it another listen: "All of the boys and all of the girls are begging to if you seek Amy."

Jive Records

9. "Just a Lil' Bit" — 50 Cent

"Clothes off, face down, ass up." Come on. This one wasn't subtle enough to be played at my seventh grade dance, but you better believe everyone still requested it.

Interscope

10. "Save a Horse [Ride a Cowboy]" — Big & Rich

"I'm a thouroughbred / That's what she said / In the back of my truck bed." WTF...since when was this song not about having a wholesome time on horseback?

Warner Brothers Nashvile

11. "Fergalicious" — Fergie

"So delicious (They wanna taste of what I got) / I'm Fergalicious (t-t-t-t-t-tasty, tasty)." When you were little, did your parents sit you down to make sure you knew what these lyrics meant? Mine did — the birds, the bees, and Fergie.

Interscope

12. "Bed Rock" — Young Money

The age demographic for Young Money is not as it sounds. "My room is the G-spot / Call me Mr. Flintstone / I can make your bed rock, ooh."

Young Money

13. "Hot in Herre" — Nelly

This song gets stuck in our heads anytime someone asks, "Is it getting hot in here?" Thanks, Nelly, but I'm still not going to take my clothes off just because it's a little warm.

Universal

14. "Touch My Body" — Mariah Carey

"Put me on the floor / Wrestle me around / Play with me some more." Fine, but I'm having trouble picturing Kenneth from 30 Rock do any of these things with Mariah.

Island Records

15. "Promiscuous" — Nelly Furtado feat. Timbaland

"Promiscuous girl, you're teasing me / You know what I want, and I got what you need." Tbh, "promiscuous" was too big of a word for me in middle school.

Geffen

16. "Sexy Can I" — Ray J feat. Yung Berg

"Sexy can I, just pardon my manners / Girl how you shake it, got a playa like (oh)." No one knew what Ray J was asking, but they couldn't stop shaking it either.

Knockout

17. "U + Ur Hand" — Pink

"Keep your drink; just give me the money / It's just you and your hand tonight." Everyone knew something was up with this lyric, but couldn't put a ~hand~ on it until now.

LaFace

18. "Smack That" - Akon feat. Eminem

I used to think this was just a catchy song about Lamborghini Gallardos. For whatever reason, the lyrics, "Smack that, give me some more / Smack that, til' you get sore," went in one ear and out the other.

Konvict

19. "Don't Trust Me" — 3OH!3

"Don't trust a ho / Never trust a ho, / 'Cause a hoe won't trust me." This song earned 3OH!3 a spot on MTV's Best New Artist list as well as parents' Don't Sing Those Lyrics in Public list.

Photo Finish Records

20. "LoveGame" — Lady Gaga

"Let's have some fun, this beat is sick / I wanna take a ride on your disco stick." Did disco stick mean what everyone thought it did? Yes; Gaga herself stated, "It's another of my very thoughtful metaphors for a [🍆]." Yes.

Interscope Records

21. "Ms. New Booty" — Bubba Sparxxx feat. Ying Yang Twins

"Get it ripe, get it right, get it tight." Fun fact about this song: It was nominated for MTV's ringtone of the year. Good thing I wasn't allowed to have a cell phone in elementary school.

Purple Ribbon / Virgin

22. "Addicted" — Saving Abel

"I'm so addicted to all the things you do / when you're rollin' 'round with me in between the sheets." This one actually was my ringtone. #enV2

Virgin Records

23. "Get Low" — Lil Jon & the East Side Boyz

And finally, the classic "Get Low." Singing along to this song was the only time you could scream "my balls" and not have it be that weird. "To the sweat drop down my balls (MY BALLS)."

TVT

[kitty-bandit]

IDK IF YOU'RE STILL TAKING REQUESTS BUT IT'S STILL THE 15TH HERE SO--- 33 or 65 for poker pair?? *v*

Drabble Requests are closed.Hope you like this one, Anon. Your first request is here.#65 “You’re very obvious about your crush. So, I’ve decided to help you.”

“Tyki, stop staring.”Tyki pursed his lips at the comment, and turned away. He picked at a loose thread on the cuff of his coat, distracting himself from the object of his affections. “I’m not staring.”

Road rolled her eyes and pulled the lollipop from her mouth so she could talk clearly. “You were blatantly staring. I think everyone in a fifty-foot radius noticed.”“You’re exaggerating.” God, he hoped she was. As soon as he’d said it, he wasn’t quite sure she was wrong.She scooted closer on the bench until their hips touched and leaned in close. “Okay, the whole damn school knows you’ve got a raging hard-on for Allen—”“—Fucking Christ, Road, do not say it like that—”She flicked him in the forehead. “May I finish?” He frowned and glared at her, but she seemed unperturbed by it. “Thank you. Now, everyone knows except Allen. Which is not going so well for you.”“Ya’ think?” He leaned forward on the picnic table, burying his face in his folded arms.“Calm your tits, Tyki.” She smiled and tapped his shoulder affectionately. “You’re very obvious about your crush, so I’ve decided to help you.”“Really?” he asked, not bothering to pull his head up. It was probably for the best—he couldn’t get caught staring if he kept his head down. “That doesn’t sound like you at all.”“Well, you’re bumming me out with your pity party, and it’s starting to make me actually sad.”“Ah, there it is,” he grumbled. He sat back up and leveled a defeated look her way. “And what exactly do you have in mind?”Road grinned, and Tyki wasn’t sure if he should be scared or not. “I’m gonna tell him you have a big ol’ boner for him.”Scared. Yes, scared was the appropriate response.Tyki felt his face and ears flush at the mere suggestion of those words being spoken in Allen Walker’s presence. He took a second to glance Allen’s way, as if he could hear their conversation from this distance. Of course, he was still quietly chatting with his friends, none the wiser. “No you will not! Do you know how embarrassing that is? Do you even know how to be embarrassed?”Road rolled her eyes and stuck the lollipop back in to her mouth. “Stop being a baby. I bet he’d be into that. He seems like the kinky type.”“And what if he’s not?” Tyki felt like he was talking with a brick wall for all Road was listening to him.She sighed, pulling the sucker out of her mouth with a loud pop. “Fine. I’ll be nice. But I’m telling you, it would work.”“I doubt it.” He crumpled back against the table, groaning loudly. “Just leave me to wallow in misery.”It was silent for a long moment, and Tyki was certain Road had given up and really left him until he heard the sound of her phone going off. The annoyingly peppy ringtone grated on his ears, and he groaned again. He heard her fingers tapping against the phone screen, silence, then another message alert. This went on for a couple minutes before Tyki finally sat back up and glared at her.“Do you mind? Your texting is ruining my wallowing.”“Hey, I’m trying to help you.”Tyki narrowed his eyes, suddenly suspicious. “…Who are you texting?”She smirked, “Allen.”“Shit—Road!” His hand shot out to yank the phone from her grasp, but she must’ve anticipated his reaction, jumping out of the way and circling to the other side of the picnic table. He stood up, hands on the rough wood as he stared her down. “What did you tell him?!”“What do you think I told him? That you’re hot to trot and wanna squeeze his perky little ass.”“Tell me you didn’t…”“Not in so many words, but he’s well aware of your infatuation now.”“How do you even have his number?!”Road stuck out her tongue. “We’re study buddies for English Lit. See, you’re so wrapped up in your crush that you don’t pay attention to anything anymore. I should’ve gotten you laid sooner.”“Road…”Her eyes focused on something behind him and she grinned. “He’s looking over here now. Wave hello.”With a piercing dread in his chest, Tyki turned around. Road was right—Allen was looking right at him, phone in hand. He had hoped Road had been lying, but his luck had never been that good. The only saving grace was that instead of looking as disgusted as he’d expected, Allen had a smile on his face.God, that smile could stop traffic.“What… did you tell him exactly?” Tyki asked, turning back to Road.“That you like him and wanna take him out.” She tapped his cheek with one hand as she walked past, still sucking on the lollipop. “Please, have some faith in me. Now, go talk to him before we all grow old waiting for you to make a move.”Tyki sighed, his shoulders slumping in relief. He wouldn’t have put it past her to actually tell Allen half the things she’d said. “Thanks, Road.”“You’re welcome.”