#this was so so fun to do i love hannah and sap so much

[awkwardtickleetoo]

Sharing is Caring

another ficlet that is…… not….. ficlet length…. 😬👍

request from @kasey-writes-stuff !! from this ask :)

my girl hannah getting TWO fics just like she deserves 😔✊ and sylvee is featured in this one a bit toooo let’s get a round of applause for sylvee, also like she deserves 💕

switch!hannah, switch!sapnap, feat. george and sylvee, 1.7k words

enjoy!!

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“It’s fucking cold out here, bro, where’s– oh my god, does Han– Hannah still has my fucking hoodie, doesn’t she?” Sapnap spoke aloud, mostly to himself but for anyone who happened to be near him to hear, sliding his phone into his pocket while he looked around to try and spot Hannah.

“Uh…” Sylvee, who was the one person in question that happened to be near him, hummed in thought, putting her hand above her eyes and standing on her toes, tilting her head up to look as well. She pointed forward, where Hannah and George were standing at a crosswalk slightly ahead of them, pulling Sapnap’s attention with her finger. “Looks like it, yeah,” She finalized, dropping her arm, swinging it slightly as they walked the rest of the way towards their other two friends.

“Hey, Hannah, can I have my hoodie back?” He asked when they made it there, stepping in front of the group as the light changed to allow them to get across the street.

“What? No, I’m still using it, you idiot,” She replied, pulling one of the sleeves over her hand and pressing her palm to her chest.

“But I’m fucking cold, and I need it back, so give it back!” Sapnap demanded as he turned around to face the rest of the group again, walking backwards a few steps before everyone else stopped before him.

“No! Take George’s jacket, he’s not even wearing it! And he has a hoodie on anyway!” She argued back, pointing at the jacket draped over George's arm.

“George doesn’t let me wear his clothes anymore!”

“What? Why not?”

“I don’t know! ‘Cause he’s a little bitch!”

“No, that’s not even true!” George cut in to defend. “You just keep stealing my stuff and hiding it and then you don’t give anything back when I want it back! So now I don’t share with you anymore.”

“You guys are both so stupid it’s not even funny,” Hannah said with a roll of her eyes.

“You take George’s jacket, then!” Sapnap argued, waving his hand between the two of them.

“That makes literally no sense when I’m already wearing this one! It’s not my fault George won’t give you his shit!” Hannah finished, pushing past Sapnap and starting to walk again, before she was stopped by him grabbing her arm.

“Hannah.”

“Ugh, my god, whaaaaat?!” She groaned exaggeratedly, throwing her head back as she turned to face him again, rolling her head forward to look at him with raised eyebrows.

“Hannah…” He said with a serious tone, mirroring her trying expression and tilted head. “I didn’t wanna have to do this, but…”

“Oh, please, I’m soooo scared. What could you possibly do to me that’s so bad?” She tainted, earning a knowing chuckle from both Sylvee and George from where they stood shoulder to shoulder behind Sapnap. She glanced at them, eyebrows furrowing in confusion and interest, before Sapnap continued.

“Hannah… If you don’t give it back, I’m afraid I’m gonna have to tickle you…” He explained, shrugging as if he had no other choice. She squinted at him, crossing her arms over her chest.

“You wouldn’t.”

“Oh, but I would…” He replied, taking a step towards her, and she scoffed and turned away to keep walking.

“I don’t believe you for a seco–OND–!” She attempted to continue, but was cut off by a sudden yell when she felt a finger poke her in the side. She whipped around, throwing her hands towards the offending finger and successfully catching Sapnap’s wrist in her grip, glaring at him with wide eyes. “Don’t.”

“I tried to warn you.”

“He did warn you, to be fair,” George cut in again, the look on his face so smug it made Hannah want to punch it off.

“Shut up, George!” She yelled, glaring at him as well, and his smug smile only grew.

“Hannah. I’ll give you one more chance,” Sapnap warned, lifting his free hand up and wiggling his fingers at her. On instinct, she took a half-step back, pushing his arm that was still in her grasp further away.

“You’re being an idiot. I’m not giving it back.”

“Okay. Your funeral.” Sapnap shrugged, before suddenly reaching his free hand forward and clawed his fingers over her tummy, over the fabric of his purple hoodie that she had on.

“Sap!” She yelled, keeping her hold on his wrist with one hand and shooting her other hand to bat at the one doing the tickles. He giggled along with her, keeping the wiggling claw in action even through her pushing and smacking at his arm, relishing in the giggles he received and the pink tint on her cheeks that definitely wasn’t caused by just her makeup. “Nohoho!”

“You know what you have to do, Han,” He reminded her, his hand following her movements as she twisted her torso and took a few steps away.

“Nohoho wahahahay!” She denied again, shaking her head, the long strands of wavy hair left out of her ponytail swaying with her movements. She pushed him away again, but her reprieve only lasted a few seconds before there were fingers poking up and down her side like it was their job. “Sap, stohohohop!”

“You know what you have to do, Hannah, you know what you gotta do,” He explained, chuckling at her reactions and stepping forward with her.

He pulled his hands away for a moment, long enough to make it noticeable even if it was barely a few seconds, before he suddenly tasered both her sides, right at the dip of her waist where her cropped t-shirt ended below the hoodie. She squealed, whipping around fully once again, batting at his attacking fingers with one hand and covering her mouth with the other. Her cheeks turned even more pink as she heard the other three chuckle and giggle at her reaction.

“FINE! Fihine, I’ll gihive ihihit back, fuhuck off!” She caved, rolling her eyes and sighing in frustration.

“See? That wasn’t so hard, was it?” He said teasingly, pulling his hands back entirely and letting her calm down.

“You’re actually the most insane person on the planet, do you know that?”

“That’s the goal, thank you,” Sapnap replied with a smug smile, earning himself another scoff and head shake from her. He put one hand back out, gesturing with an upward-facing grabby hand towards the hoodie she still had on. “Give.”

“Fine. Freak.” Hannah pulled her right arm through the sleeve of the hoodie, pulling one half of it over her shoulder before moving to the other side. Sapnap smiled to himself, reaching forward and placing a single poke on the side of her now exposed stomach, making her flinch and whip her head towards him. “Sapnap, I will burn this hoodie in front of you, I swear to god.”

“Okay, sorry! Sorry. I’m done now, I promise.” He put his hands up in surrender, letting Hannah continue to yank the hoodie off and throw it at him, hitting him in the face and making the entire group burst out laughing. “Thank you. Everyone’s happy now,” Sapnap said as he slipped his own hoodie on, grateful that it was still comfortably warm from being worn by another person.

“Yeah, sure, everyone’s happy,” Hannah mumbled with a roll of her eyes, smiling and giggling when Sapnap simply raised his middle finger at her and then began walking towards their destination once again. The rest of the group followed him, Sylvee pushing slightly forward to fall in step with him again and Hannah and George a step behind and to the right.

After a few moments of walking, George cleared his throat, before extending his arm that had his dark red and blue jacket draped over it for Hannah to take.

“Can I?” She asked softly, and he nodded, a small smile on his face. “Thanks, George,” She said with an equally fond smile, making his grow sweetly as she took the jacket off his arm and slid it on, adjusting the sleeves and the collar as they continued walking. “At least someone in this group is my friend and cares if I’m cold!” She said, voice growing louder as she went on, making Sapnap turn his head around to her.

“Shut the fuck up, idiot!”

“You’re the idiot!”

“You’re both idiots!” George replied, making both arguing parties laugh, before Sapnap and Sylvee turned back to their previous conversation, causing George and Hannah to as well. George paused for a moment, chuckling to himself, thinking about his next move. “Hm…”

“What?” She asked, furrowing her eyebrows at him when he didn’t continue. He looked about ready to, then stopped, then he did again, and this time he actually did speak, after a moment of pausing again. “What is it, George?”

“You know you could, like… get him back, right?” He offered, squinting his eyes at her slightly. She considered for a moment, before smiling widely, her eyes growing bigger and more elated as she did so.

“Oh my god,” She began, looking over to Sapnap, then back to George. “You’re right, I actually can!” She wasted absolutely no time, taking a step to her left and another closer to Sapnap, before suddenly digging her pointer fingers and thumbs into the backs of his sides, as well as the dip of his waist, just like he’d done to her.

He squealed immediately, jumping forward and turning around to look at her with wide eyes.

“What the fuck?!”

“Apologize for being a dick.”

“What?! No! Absolutely not!”

“Okay. Your funeral,” She said with a smug smile, before latching her hands into his sides and tummy, squeezing and scribbling and scratching sporadically, going as far as to slip her hands under the hoodie to skitter her nails over his t-shirt to make him squeal and squirm.

“NOHO– Hahannahah!”

“Say you’re sorry!”

“Nohohoho, nehehever!” He laughed, pushing her away and running forward to escape her.

She followed him without question, and the rest of the evening consisted of George and Sylvee watching them chase each other around, playfully grabbing at and laughing with and tickling each other, never seeming to get tired of it, even as they got back to Sapnap’s car and knew the fun had to come to an end.

[untildawnss]

until dawn characters overhearing their partner say something positive about them/their relationship

okiedokie [cracks knuckles] i had a shower to wash away the sad and now i'm ready to write the good - this took a good while because i was watching a show while writing lol

this is going to be fluff, i'll find out if anything else happens while writing this. very minor angsty and nsfw mentions.

ashley

"i don't think i've ever loved anyone as much as i love ashley. i still get butterflies when i look at her."

you tossed your phone towards ashley so she could order pizza while you were busy writing an assignment on your laptop. when she unlocked it, the chat with your best friend was still open, your last text the one about ashley. "i didn't know you were a big ol' sap." ashley shifted on the couch and leaned her head against your shoulder. "huh?" you stopped typing and furrowed your brow. "what are you talking about?" - "oh, just that text about me you sent earlier." she was already scrolling through the menu, looking for your favourite pizza. "were you snooping?" - "i didn't have to. you never close your apps." you nodded your head. it was true, you never did. "i get butterflies, too. ever since we met. maybe we're soulmates." she leaned in to kiss you.

beth

"hannah, oh my god, i'm so happy to see you. did you know that i love beth soooooo much? she's the best. i want to marry her. do you think she would want to marry me?"

beth tried to interrupt your drunken ramblings. her twin sister was on the couch next to you, snoring, and you had woken up while she was trying to clear the empty pizza boxes from the coffee table. you had immediately pulled her into a tight hug and happily babbled on about beth for a minute until you fell asleep again. beth carefully removed herself from your arms and decided that she wasn't really in the mood to clean up after you and hannah, you were perfectly capable of doing that yourself in the morning. and she was only a little offended that you had mistaken her for her sister. it was kind of fun to know how you talked about her when you thought she wasn't there.

chris

"josh, chris just texted me 'can we talk?' and i am freaking out. is he breaking up with me? please tell me he's not breaking up with me. he's honestly the best boyfriend i've ever had and i-"

josh groaned. "i told him not to text you that. chris, what's wrong with you?" you heard some crinkling, the muffled sounds of josh and chris whispering and then what sounded like a slap before josh let you know that he was handing the phone over to chris now. "hey, sorry about that. josh's hand and the back of my head just had a meet and greet." - "good for you? what the fuck was that text about, chris?" more whispering. "chris?" - "yeah, sorry. so remember how you just said that i'm the best boyfriend ever?" you sighed. "looking back, i probably wouldn't have said it if i had known you were listening." chris cleared his throat. "well, actually, i was thinking that you're the best partner i've ever had and i wanted to ask you to move in with me and so i decided to send you a text to ask you to talk about it." - "can you actually put josh back on for a second?" whispering again, until you heard josh's voice. "what's up?" - "can you tell chris that i love him and will move in with him but that he seriously needs to work on the way he brings up serious topics?"

emily

"you might not like her but i love her. she's the best thing that ever happened to me and if you just bothered to get to know her, you'd know that she's actually smart and funny and great. she actually shows up for me, do you?"

emily knew that your family hated her. they saw her as a stuck-up mean girl with expensive tastes and were worried that she was just using you until someone better came along. she hated that her relationship with you was causing all these fights with your family because they thought they knew better. this was the worst fight you'd ever had with them and she'd never heard you yell like that. "no, i'm done talking. don't bother calling again until you accept that i'm an adult and make my own decisions." emily heard you swearing before you knocked on the bedroom door and walked in. you were half-dressed, the original plan had been to go out for dinner. emily was still sitting in front of her vanity, absent-mindedly twirling a blending brush between her fingers. your phone buzzed again. "i swear to god," you muttered through clenched teeth as you declined the call. "rain check?" emily asked, already putting away the brush and looking for her make up wipes. "please." she looked at you through the mirror. "i'm sorry for asking but i think i need help getting out of this dress." - "oh, so you're flirting with me? right now?" you couldn't help but smile. "if you want me to. or you could just tell me how smart and funny and great i am while i order dinner." - "i can do that."

hannah

"dear hannah, your glasses are very cute and look really good on you. you have a really pretty face and i have a crush on you."

"dear hannah, do you want to go out with me?"

"dear hannah, you were really good as juliet in the senior year play."

"oh my god, what's this?" hannah picked up the loose papers that had slid all over the wooden floor of the living room in your new apartment. "what? oh, oh no. i thought i'd thrown those away. they're so old." - "i didn't know you had a crush on me back in high school. wow, we really could have gotten together years ago." you were on your hands and knees, trying to grab the old, unfinished love letters you had never had the courage to slip into hannah's locker or bag. "what? you liked me in high school?" - "who did you think sent you all those valentines? i didn't know you liked my glasses back then." before long both of you were on the floor, reminiscing about all the near confessions you had accidentally dodged.

jess

"we'd love to go out for drinks with you guys, but i have plans with my super hot girlfriend and i wouldn't miss it for the world and she has plans with me. oops, putting our phones on do not disturb now."

you sent the text to the group chat and turned to jess. the two of you were on the couch, wearing sweatpants and facemasks. numerous candles were illuminating the living room and there was a romcom playing on the TV. "super hot girlfriend, is that right?" jess was smiling, the hydrating sheet mask wrinkling and folding around her mouth. "oh, very." you were sipping wine through a straw. "and you'd rather be at home doing skincare and watching a movie with me?" - "are you kidding me? i get to have a few drinks, hang out with my favourite person in the world AND wake up with great skin. what more could a person want?" - "you're not so bad yourself."

josh

"ugh, i know, right? he's smart, he's hot, he's kinda weird but in that cute and quirky way and when i look at him, i want to start writing poems or love songs. it's actually disgusting how perfect i think he is."

josh and you were at a bar with a group of friends and while josh had gone to get more drinks and a few others were playing pool, one of them had taken the opportunity to tease you about the way the two of you adored each other. neither of you didn't realise that josh was already on his way back to the table and heard every word you said. he stopped for a few seconds to compose himself, thinking that you'd probably be embarrassed if you knew that he heard you talking about him. the rest of the night, josh was in a, to you, inexplicably good mood but when you asked what had him smiling like that he said that he was just having fun. you narrowed your eyes and looked at him, suspiciously. "what did you do?" - "nothing, i swear." a few hours later you were on your way home, your hand in josh's while he was swinging them back and forth. "what is up with you today? i could pass out right here and now. how are you not tired?" josh's smile was as wide as ever. "it's nothing, really. i'm just happy i met you."

matt

"i wouldn't dream of breaking uncle matt's heart. pinkie promise. when we get married you can be flower girls."

matt's nieces had begged you to play tea party with them. they were extraordinarily good at offering you tea while giving you the third degree. yes, i love your uncle matt a lot. yes, i hope your uncle matt loves me, too. yes, we live together. no, i won't break up with uncle matt. you thought meeting matt's parents for the first time would be intimidating. his nieces were almost terrifying. finally, matt came to save you when they started asking about babies. you waved goodbye to the girls. "so it's when, not if we get married?" you looked at matt and your heart skipped a beat, he was smiling warmly. "well, i mean, i guess-" you sputtered. "wait, you were listening and you let them interrogate me?" - "oh, do you want to go back and tell them how many kids we're gonna have?"

mike

"yes, i know he's handsome. like absolute dreamboat, straight out of a disney movie handsome."

"oh, you better watch your mouth, that's my boyfriend you're talking about."

"oh no, he's an only child. but i think he has cousins. doubt he left any hot for the rest of them, though."

you hadn't heard mike come home and he was trying really hard to respect your privacy but the bedroom door was ajar and you were always louder when you were talking on the phone, especially when talking to your best friend whom he was due to meet this upcoming weekend. and he couldn't deny it, he was curious what you had to say about him. mike pushed the bedroom door open slowly, you had your back to him and were scrolling on your phone with your earphones in. "busy?" he asked, leaning against the doorframe and grinning widely when you jumped and almost tumbled off the bed. "what the fuck, mike? when did you get here?" you said a quick goodbye to your friend and put your phone on the bedside table. "oh, not that long ago." he crossed his arms, still grinning at you. "but go on, what were you saying about me?" mike inched towards the bed, his face now scrunched up in mock-confusion. "something about me being super hot, i think." - "i never said super hot." he put the back of his hand against his forehead and closed his eyes, feigning hurt this time. "you wound me." then, before you knew it, he was straddling you, his lips barely an inch from yours as he was running his hands down your sides, sending a pleasant shiver down your spine. "guess i'll have to change your mind, then."

sam

"my girlfriend just opened her own gallery and i'm super proud of her. do you have anything on the menu that's fancy and says 'i love you so much, you're gonna do great' and, most importantly, is also vegan? is champagne vegan? do you have vegan champagne?"

sam heard you whispering to the hostess as she walked through the doors behind you. so that's why you wanted her to park the car. she smiled at the hostess and rolled her eyes slightly, affectionately, pointed and you and then at herself while mouthing i'm the girlfriend. the hostess nodded and asked you to wait just a few more minutes, your table was almost ready. "you know i'm just a cog in the machine and the gallery isn't actually my own, right?" sam had sauntered over and was looking at you with one eyebrow raised in amusement. "you're still an active partner and the face of the gallery. so why bother explaining?" - "oh, i'm not complaining. just wondering if you hit your head. but now i don't feel bad about letting you wine and dine me."

[bookaddict24-7]

REVIEWS OF THE WEEK!

Every week I will post various reviews I've written so far in 2024. You can check out my Goodreads for more up-to-date reviews HERE.

Have you read any of these? What were your thoughts?

___

267. Body Check by Elle Kennedy--⭐️⭐️.5

You know it's bad when I can't even remember what this book was about LOL. Thank goodness for review notes.

Something about BODY CHECK just didn't immediately grab me like this author's other books. The mood just felt...off?

I've been spoiled by the newer Elle Kennedy books because this one barely had any prep time before the two MCs meant and went to bone town. Usually, Kennedy's characters have some alone time so we can get attached to them. I know this is her first book, so it definitely had some things that could have been done better. And then I start thinking about how this is a re-edited edition and I'm just kind of mind-blown.

Anyway, other than the fact that this very much felt like a Harlequin novel (not that this is a bad thing, it's just the kind of romance that happens very quickly and with some over-the-top situations), this was one of those quick books that entertains you in the moment and then immediately leaves your mind. I very much wish we'd gotten a bit more about these two before they got together. What we DID get was interesting.

The FMC had a Rachel & Ross situation going on at the beginning of the book and the poor guy was a goner that moment she had some good-good from the hockey player. The best part of this book was the scandal that was haunting the hockey players and the MC's dad. Even though I guessed the twist, it was still fun and entertaining.

If you want spicy spice, this will feed you. You will need milk. But if you want Kennedy's signature (sometimes slow burn) romance with characters who have to work to fall for each other, this one might not be for you. BUT if you're new to Kennedy, this might be a good place to start (only up from here).

I think this is one of those instances where this could have still as a backlist title, especially since most of Kennedy's more recent romance titles are a lot better. I'm not going to talk about her summer series because please.

___

268. Ella Enchanted by Gail Carson Levine--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

What a unique take on Cinderella!

ELLA ENCHANTED was both enjoyable and heartbreaking, all because of poor Ella's curse (excuse me, fairy "gift"). It did make for interesting moments where she learned how to maneuver her curse, and moments where I wanted to protect her from the evil people in her life trying to control her.

What I liked about this one too is that the prince knew who she was before her life completely fell apart. I liked that they had a childhood together where they fell for each other genuinely, and not because Ella looked pretty at a ball.

There was so much adventure, fun, misery, and anger felt in these pages. I also really liked that there were magical limitations and consequences for magical troublemaking. It helped the story feel a bit more genuine and like Ella would have to fight more for her freedom (which made for an even better story).

The ending had me smiling like a sap. Man, I'm glad I've finally read some of these classic stories, but I do wish I'd read them when I was younger. I just know my imagination would have been going wild back then.

___

269. Alive & Wells by Bailey Hannah--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Still hung up on that awesome dedication: "For the city girls in their cowboy romance era. And for the country girls who know a fictional cowboy is always better than the real thing." LOL.

I bought this on a whim during one afternoon trip to a bookstore. I know ranchers and cowboys have been getting really popular in romance novels and I've been curious. I remember my co-worker mentioned that she's met cowboys up in Alberta and they aren't as charming as the ones in the books (which is another reason why I love that dedication so much). But you know, I'm the type of woman who lives vicariously through fiction and that's okay.

Western suspenseful romance is a genre I never thought I'd be into, but after Devney Perry I've been unconsciously looking for more books like INDIGO RIDGE and this was a close comparison. We immediately get that threat of a douche husband and the MC's escape sets off a chain of events. She grows a lot as a character as she takes back her identity and strength that she lost during her marriage.

I LOVED the tension between her and the MMC because he has a genuine reason for being so wary of her. I will always love the idea of one MC having the prove themself to the other. Assuming is the killer of so many first impressions and I love that journey to healing that immediate rift. It usually turns into some nice spicy moments and deep connections between the characters--the perfect pay-off.

I liked that Hannah doesn't shy away from showing the painful aftermath of living in an abusive relationship and how one heals from it both with the help of others, but also with their own self-strength.

Also, can't NOT include the amazing cast of side characters who offered such an incredible level of support and entertainment! I can't wait to read their stories if they're written.

I devoured this book in the only way in can be devoured piece by piece every night for a week. Such a great western romance. Highly recommend. Intense TW for DV, potential gun violence, PTSD, and verbal abuse.

___

270. Love of My Afterlife by Kirsty Greenwood--⭐️⭐️⭐️

I went into this completely blind and a part of me is happy about it and another part is curious as to whether I would have picked this up after reading the synopsis. Sometimes I avoid books like this, either because the concept of it gives me anxiety or because I just side-eye it until it leaves my sight.

THE LOVE OF MY AFTERLIFE was an alright read that honestly made me curious about whether I should DNF it or not. I found myself wanting to do anything but listen to an audiobook and that's usually a telling sign. I will admit though that when I forced myself to press play, I DID enjoy what I was reading. Of course, there were some moments where I rolled my eyes, but there were other moments where I genuinely laughed and rooted for the MC.

Her teen life was awful and I felt so bad for her. It's true that that shit stays with you into adulthood (she says, as she thinks of how her experiences as a bullied kid still haunts her to this day) and can even alter the way you view life and the people you let in. What I wasn't a big fan of was how the MC let out her meanness on her neighbour and the people around her. She lived in that lonely bubble for most of her life and kicked people back before they could enter that bubble. In a way, this was a cautionary tale that the prison others make for you becomes so comfortable that it's really hard to break out of it.

The love interest (we all know it's not that Ken doll she meets briefly. This can't be a spoiler because it's always the one who makes the MC the angriest in the most sexually-tense way) was one of the best parts of this book. I loved that we got to know him alongside the MC and that maybe, he wasn't the jerk she thought he was. Their romance was adorable and saved a chunk of the book.

My major issues were her attitude, her obsession with that dude (to the point where it was just creepy), and some reviewers pointed out some inconsistencies that an editor would have caught.

Do I think this could easily be someone's favourite book? Hell yeah, I do. Look at that overall rating! I'm glad others liked it way more than I did. If you like romances with deadlines, a bit of paranormal action, and a grumpy neighbour who is secretly a cinnamon roll, then you might like this one!

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271. The Ex Vows by Jessica Joyce--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Unpopular opinion, but save for the conflict resolution in this one, I think I liked the first book more. BUT this was still really cute!!!

I think the problem with me and this book was that everyone hyped it up for me. I had already loved Joyce's previous book, so I was doubly excited for THE EX VOWS. AND don't get me wrong, this one was super enjoyable. I had fun and I loved the characters and how they found themselves back in each others' orbits. I love a solid redemption arc.

But.

Something about this one didn't immediately grab me like the other book. I think it was the main trope. I'm not as big of a fan of second chance romances and I think that's honestly a very me problem. The other was an enemies to lovers romance and that is my bread and butter, second chance takes a while to capture me. I do love when a romance is rekindled and it's proven that the MC and her love interest have shared a love all along, but there's no tension like that of enemies LOL.

Anyway, THE EX VOWS was cute! I liked that we get thrown immediately into this uncomfortable situation where the MC is forced to face the one who got away (let their love sizzle down?). As the story progresses, we learn that both characters dropped the ball either from anxiety and a fear of failure, and a lack of self-love and self-importance. In other words, neither communicated (which I will ALWAYS say is a relationship killer). And now, they have a second chance.

I think what makes this story so successful with so many readers is how palpable the connection is between these two characters, and how much they love their friends. But also, the representation of what getting help and putting yourself first looks like. Also, the friendships are so sweet and portray what sometimes happens in life as we grow and change and adapt to what life throws at us.

Also, that conflict resolution. Because please, that was some A+ level writing and I wish more romance novels employed that level of communication and understand during the climax of a story.

Read this book. It's popular for a reason--it's very well written and I am SO excited to see what else Jessica Joyce writes!

___

272. Stay Dead by April Henry--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

STAY DEAD was not at all what I was anticipating. For some reason, that cover made me think that this was going to be a zombie apocalypse book (the truth behind entering a book without reading the synopsis). Thankfully, I'm still a sucker for these kinds of books. Survival and running away from someone hunting the MC down? Sign me up!

While I do wish there was more of a survival aspect after the plane crash, I was completely pulled in by the MC's intelligent approach to surviving the people who wanted her dead. There were some moments where I thought it would all end, but she somehow would get out safe. Also, as I've mentioned many times in past reviews, I love when a villain underestimates the MC because it makes the story more exciting.

I also liked that this was a realistic situation because of the reason behind WHY the MC and the previous people involved were hurt or hunted. I won't say it here, but I thought it was very timely. It was also well supported by that surprising third perspective that gives us more of an explanation of what was happening, why it was happening, and the real-life consequences.

And while I did like the hint of a romance there with the childhood best friend, I do appreciate that Henry stayed true to the story and focused more on the MC's journey than the potential romance. It was also left open-ended enough that there is either a what-if aspect to it, or a sequel cooking somewhere.

Overall, this was fun and was non-stop action. Really ended up enjoying this one, even if it wasn't about zombies.

___

273. The Switch by Lynsay Sands--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Loved the bi-panic in this LOL gave me a great laugh. But impressed that it was happening in a book published when it was (late 90s).

I'll be honest, I'm always wary whenever I start a historical romance. I don't know if it'll be a story that immediately hooks me, or if it'll be one that has so much exposition that I'll be dragging my eyelids open. Thankfully, THE SWITCH was fun from the very beginning.

These twin sisters were smart and hilarious as they fell into their new roles, even if one twin was slightly more selfish than the other. And to be fair, that was part of the character growth--the one MC learning to stand up for herself and that being a little selfish sometimes is healthy.

I thought that the star of the book was the MMC and his constant confusion. It brought back memories of MULAN and how Li Shang must have felt when he found himself attracted to Mulan when she was dressed as a man. Watching this man trying to figure out his confusing feelings was pure entertainment--especially when this story is set in a world where queerness wasn't something done out in the open. Of course, there were moments that were indicative of the time this book was written (like trying to force someone to sleep with a woman at a brothel to make him "manlier"), but I'll be honest and say I was incredibly surprised with how progressive this novel felt.

THE SWITCH was just pure fun and I enjoyed every moment of it, even if these sisters have a really bad habit of jumping into danger feet first and without looking.

___

274. The Hookup Mix-Up by Riley Hart--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

These marshmallow characters were the sweetest LOL. Loved this, but I know I read this series out of order. Oops.

THE HOOKUP MIX-UP was such a fun and adorable time. I love that this couple started with a friendship because the one MC's self-esteem needed to be brought up before he could feel loved and love in return. The way they meet was adorable and the mix-up had me cackling. I just kept thinking "So adorably dumb."

This was definitely one of those books that is meant to be devoured in the summer. The spicy elements were great and their chemistry was jumping off the page. I loved their dynamic and how each offered the other something that they were both missing.

The side characters were hilarious and added so much personality to the book. I do wish I had read their book first. I liked that they side-eyed the MCs whenever they tried to play down what they were doing together.

I DO wish we had gotten more of a conclusion regarding the one MC's ex. I would have loved to see her be more aware of what she lost because she was BRUTAL. This book could have definitely been a little bit longer.

But this was still a fun time and like the past books I've read by Riley Hart, I really enjoyed this one!

___

Happy reading!

[llitchilitchi]

Ahoj, ahoj, zasa ja a mam ďaľšie otázky o vampire AU!

I know this was technically asked before but I don´t think there was any explicit answer sooo ... aside from vampires what other kinds of supernatural creatures are in your AU? And do you have any ideas on which character would be supernatural and what kind they´d be?

So Sapnap and George can be seen in modern mirrors but what about photos? In some stories it´s said that vampires won´t show on photos so now I wonder ... does Dream ever try to take a selfie with these 2 and George and Sapnap are just not there or it´s just their clothes seeming floating around?

I think it was mentioned that after argument or something Dream puts on lot of silver jewelry because vampires hate that. And I´m sorry if this was already answered and I forgot, but how do Sap and Gogy react to this? Also does Dream put on just enough to keep them from biting or does he go overboard putting on ridiculous amount of jewelry just cuz he can and it´s kinda fun walking around the house with enough silver on him that these 2 assholes don´t even dare to come close? They´d be on the opposite end of the room shooting him very wary glances and just "come on babe, we´re sorry" (I also can´t get the picture of Dream holding eyes contact with them while putting on jet another silver necklace in passive aggressive manner)

Do Sapnap and George ever kinda ... stalk Dream around? Like following him to school etc. even if he doesn´t really want them to?

No myslím, že to je nateraz všetko. Vopred sa ospravedľňujem ak sa za pár dní objavím s ďaľšou otázkou 😅

ahojahoj welcome back :D

the au is gonna be centered around the vampires. I know I promised it half a year ago at this point but I do want to introduce other vampires that snf are friends with (cough cough they're from the munchymc crew). honestly I didn't put much thought into other supernaturals? the only one that I am 100% sure of is that Techno is a werewolf (or a wereboar. let me indulge). as of the others I think it would be nice to include fairies, as you can guess it'd be Tina, Sylvee and/or Hannah, but I don't really know what I'd do with them in the AU, so this is more of just a loose idea than a promise

that's an interesting question! I didn't think about it before, but it's probably because silver (or more specifically, silver bromide/AgBr) was used in photography back in the day. given that the images are processed digitally nowadays, they would not have this problem, though the image of that is really funny. (and, to be entirely honest right now, the selfie of them that I drew was supposed to be a window reflection. if you've taken one of those two-storey trains they make for amazing 'mirror selfie' places)

I should genuinely draw that :D it doesn't repel them Entirely, they can still approach him, but they try to avoid touching anywhere near the silver. which sucks for them because Dream loves his silver rings and chains. but the 'babe. babe no y do u do this to us we're sorry' is very much a thing :D the silver is a very clear sign to back off though, so they'd keep some distance. I wonder how much silver would be necessary to keep them at the other end of the room? on a bit of a sidenote, there is one human-vampire couple where the human threatens to get silver lip and tongue piercings whenever his boyfriend gets a little too much

and no, they don't. they respect him and his privacy and wishes, and trust him enough when he texts them about going places or staying somewhere longer. I'm trying to write a healthy relationship for once

thank you for the questions! vôbec sa nemusíš ospravedlňovať, vždy ma tvoje asks potešia, hlavne keď vidím slovenčinu :D

[thetenthdoctorscompanion]

So with the holidays upon us, what are the holidays in IO like? For the Walcotts and the others? I believe you have Chrissy celebrating Christmas in the story, but in my head she's Jewish since her fc is Alona, so I imagine her and her dad celebrating Hanukkah, and her teaching the others about it. I imagine them having a lot of fun learning about it. What about El's first holiday season? Besides the Snowball, what's that like? Does she learn about Santa? What's the gift situation with them all? What about favorite holiday movies? I need help getting into the holiday spirit, despite buying most of the necessary gifts, I still feel like it's September or something.

Okay, I've been thinking about this for like a week now, and I think I've finally got a good-ish answer for you. I can't remember which details are public and which are sitting in a plot document somewhere, but you'll learn in the one-shot series that Chrissy's mom's name is Hannah.

I think when Chrissy was a kid, her family probably celebrated both Christmas and Hanukkah—Christmas on Pete's side, Hanukkah on Hannah's side. Unfortunately, since Hannah got sick when Chrissy was still really young, Chrissy only has pictures and a few hazy memories of those times.

Rest under the cut because i wrote another gd essay.

Once she and her dad started moving around, holidays became a lot less certain. The "big holidays" generally spent with family are tough for them, but Pete does what he can. He was never particularly religious, so for him, it's more about making sure Christine feels like she's part of the experience. They've got a tiny plastic Christmas tree they can take from apartment to apartment, and probably a plug-in menorah. Chrissy gets eight gifts during Hanukkah and the rest on Christmas. Cooking's never been Pete's specialty either, so holidays either mean a store-bought feast, take-out, or going out to eat, but sugar cookies in different shapes? That he can manage.

It isn't until they get to Hawkins that holidays really change at all. Not their first year, but once the Hendersons move in. Dustin's used to BIG holiday gatherings, so when Claudia hears that the Walcotts don't usually do much, you just know she's going all out. Personalized stockings, hand-made ornaments, the whole shebang. And as much as Chrissy loves them for it, it makes her miss her mom.

That's probably what prompts her to grab some books from the library, so she can figure out how to do a real Hanukkah. The Walcotts finally get a real menorah and Chrissy tries to cook the right food. She's not sure she's doing any of it right, but really, it's a celebration of her mom anyway.

God, I haven't even gotten to the rest of your questions yet. OKAY.

El's first Christmas is pretty overwhelming for her. I highly suggest reading Darkness at the Edge of Town, which is a ST companion book from Hopper's POV. Most of it's set in the past, but Hopper's actively telling the story to Eleven, so there's a few chapters of the two of them in the cabin and Hop is a huge sap. I almost cried chapter one. It also talks about her going to a holiday party with her friends, which I believe is covered in a comic I haven't read.

In my mind, the party gets together at someone's house—probably Dustin's, because Hopper's too nervous to let Eleven back to the Wheeler house yet, and Claudia's not gonna question one of the kids bringing an unknown friend. I think she learns ABOUT Santa, but the kids tell her straight off it's a story they tell little kids. (Mike and Lucas are exactly the type of people to tell you that Santa's not real.) Plus, no one really wants to lie to her, silly as it may seem.

There are like...a lot of kids in the party, so I don't think everyone gets something for everyone. That being said, the party has to buy two super-comms—one for Eleven and on for Max—so that's a gift from everyone for both of them. Chrissy obviously buys additional gifts for El and Dustin, and probably for Max too. Steve gets directions from Chrissy on what video game to buy for Dustin. He feels compelled to get something for Eleven too, so he just buys the exact same thing he bought Chrissy: a hat with matching scarf and gloves. It's not inventive, especially considering El's like...not allowed to go outside...but Eleven loves them, because she matches Christine.

Okay this is beyond an essay at this point, I can go into movies if you want to ask again lmfao. 😅

[sprnklersplashes]

fic based on the theory that sarah fier was the one to bring ziggy back, not nick/the devil (I thought this was gonna be much shorter than it is oops)

“Just let my sister live.” 

The voice comes to her, faded, far away, but she hears it. Hears it because someone called out to her, which no-one has done in centuries, except to make fun of her. To mock her, smear her as the with they call think she is. But not this one. This one doesn’t mock her. She begs her.

“Just let my sister live!”

The picture comes into focus in front of Sarah’s eyes, as if it’s the first thing she sees waking up. Two girls, one small with flame coloured hair, one taller and covered in dirt, clutching Sarah’s own hand. Her throat is raw from screaming, her legs weak from running. Sarah can feel it in her spirit, the girl’s hand on the bone sharing her feelings with her. Weak, exhausted, and so, so scared. Not for her, but for the girl beside her, who turns helplessly in all directions.

It’s then Sarah realises the girls aren’t alone. Coming at them from all sides are... them. The people the Goodes have cursed. Cold skin, lifeless eyes, blackened hearts. Her own heart breaks when she sees them, her stomach twisting at the injustice.

William. Harry. Ruby. And now Thomas, the latest soul to be stolen by the Goodes. 

She tried. It’s been so long since someone found her hand. She tried to show them what Solomon had done those years ago, her promise bound to her bones, but it was for nothing. Her hand is small, her body incomplete, and so whatever powers she’s managed to gain here are feeble, and no match for the Goodes and their deals. They’re ahead of her, again, and she can’t do anything to stop them. Can’t stop as the older girl, Cindy, her sister calls her, runs towards what was Thomas Slater, can’t save the red-haired girl from the knife that pierces her gut. She watches, forces herself to watch, as their respective killers hit them again and again. Knife in the side, axe in the chest. The picture grows stronger as the girls’ breaths grow weaker, the veil between this life and theirs growing thinner. Sarah feels grass beneath her bare feet, the sound of the young girl’s scream attacking her ears. Of course. Life. Death. They’re such strange concepts, and soon the girls will be making the same journey she did. At the hands of the Goodes.

And she will welcome them, and is prepared they will hate her.

The young girl moans, and Sarah can feel her life ebbing away. She may be the first to go. So young, both so young. Her sister’s body shakes of its own accord as the axe hits her again, scarlet blood spurting from her mouth, staining her pretty face.

No, she screams, but her words are a mere breeze. She runs at Thomas, runs at Harry, to try to hold them back, but she is nothing. If they feel anything, they feel a slight chill, and it does nothing to them. She falls to the ground, her limbs aching from this one attempt, and failure creeps up on her again. She can’t save them. She can’t save anyone.

“Nothing will pull us apart,” Cindy promises her sister just before the axe hits her chest again.

“Never...” The young girl gasps. “Again.” The knife hits her side once more, then a final time. Her chest stammers, flutters, and Sarah watches the life flee her body.

It’s over. They’re over.

The killers disappear, vanishing back to the underground cave, their souls trapped until they’re needed again. And the girls lie on the grass, their hands reaching out to each other, never to touch in this life. 

Sarah sits and waits to greet them.

Until someone else comes running in. He runs right through her, and she feels the darkness in his blood immediately. A Goode. One who has already taken on his family’s legacy. She retches at the sight of him, although nothing comes out. This is the boy, the man, who sold Thomas Slater. Whose hands are stained with the blood of all those innocents. And who now, leans over the corpse of his victim, and begs her not to die.

The irony is enough to make Sarah smile.

“Ziggy? Ziggy don’t die on me, okay?” he begs, clutching her cold face in his hands. Sarah’s jaw clenches. She knows love when she hears it. The Goodes are monsters, but they are human, and humans love. But this love isn’t pure, not like her and Hannah. There’s a sting to it, in his desire

“What’s going on?”

Sarah turns, her blood cold at the sound of the voice. The smaller girl, Ziggy, stands before her, blinking blearily as if half asleep. It’s common for those who just crossed over, especially if it was before their time. Sarah’s experienced far more of that then she’d have liked to. It will take minutes, hours for young Ziggy to fully cross over.

Let my sister live! Cindy’s voice echoes in Sarah’s mind, her plea to her. She turns back around, sees Nick still desperately trying to save her, sending out a plea of his own, not to God. Somewhere, wherever he is, the Devil is no doubt pondering his wish, whether he will let Ziggy go or keep her blood for himself.

“No.” Her voice is small, rusty from disuse, but it’s strong, and she shouts again “No!”. She tilts her head to the sky and screams at it, screams at the Goodes and the Devil, “You will not have her! You will not have her!”

The sky opens up, rain falling right through her. If it is the Devil’s reply, she laughs at it, and she grabs young Ziggy by the arm. Her eyes still flutter, her gaze unfocussed, her form not fully here, as if sketched in in pencil. There is still time, if she acts fast.

“Wh-what?”

“They will not have you,” she tells Ziggy, even if she can’t hear her. “Your sister begged for you to live, and live you shall.”

She pulls her towards her body, where Nick Goode still tries to breathe life into her. It’s just steps away, but it feels like miles, her legs shaking with each move she makes. The Devi holds her back, unwilling to let go of his prize. Another dead Shadysider to add to his collection. Another innocent soul, demed unworthy by those in power. He wraps his arms around her, pulls them both away from her body, refusing to let his prize go.

“Not... today,” she pants. Her hand tightens around Ziggy, who blinks in confusion. She’s still not here, she still has time. Cindy’s begging rings in her ears, rings all around them. 

Just let my sister live!

“Not. Today.” She pulls herself and Ziggy the last few steps, drags her until she is beside her body. Her own will pulls the two of them forward, the centuries of hurt burning like a furnace, but it’s something else, one key ingredient that pushes her over the edge. A sister’s love, so pure and steadfast, that it holds the veil back just those seconds more. She can’t see the Devil, but she knows he is here, and she snarls at him. “Not. Her!”

She turns to Ziggy, watches the girl’s eyes open and close slowly, her lips trying clumsily to speak. She won’t remember this at all, and Sarah is glad of it. God only knows what will become of her for now, but she’s fulfilled her promise to her sister.

“I’m sorry,” she whispers, and she pushes her back across.

Just before she disappears again, she sees her eyes open, her pained gasps for air. She can’t be sure if she did the right thing, saving her. Some say surviving a tragedy is worse than dying in it. She wouldn’t know. All she knows is the Devil has one less person’s blood to feed on now, but the curse remains still.

A half-victory.

“Where am I?” Sarah turns, slowly, and isn’t surprised to see Cindy behind her. She wears the same clothes she died in, but now free from blood and, whatever it was she was covered in. Sarah suspects she doesn’t want to know. She looks up at her, eyes wide and terrified, like an animal cornered by a hunter. “Who are you?”

“My name is Sarah,” she begins, but the words stick in her throat. She’s had enough of explaining herself, and only being believed half the time. Had enough of people sapping her, screaming at her, cursing her, for something she never did. “Sarah Miller.”

“Oh. Um, hi.” The young girl looks at herself, looks at the limbo surrounding them. Realisation dawns on her face, memory after memory coming back to her, and she drops to the floor, her hands pressed to her mouth to hold back her scream.

“Am I... dead?” she asks, finally. Sarah only nods and kneels beside her. She listens to Cindy’s muffled sobs, the slowly building shrieks of agony, and she lets her do what she needs before showing her where to go. It’s easy to see where this girl will end up, and at least she’ll have some peace.

“My... my sister?” she asks. “Where-where’s my sister?”

“She’s alive,” Sarah tells her. Cindy goes weak with relief, falling into Sarah’s arms and sobbing, muttering “Ziggy’s alive” under her breath. 

Sarah wishes she can do more. Wishes she could say Ziggy will be okay, that Shayside will be okay, that this whole horrible saga is finally over. But she can’t. Because the Goodes were too powerful, again, and even as her hand tightens on them, theirs does on Shadyside. All Sarah can do is hold Cindy until they go to where they need to go, and hopes that the next time someone finds her, she can do more.

Hopes that one day, she can show them what was done.

[hms-chill]

Can I have 78 for first prince please? ❤️❤️

78. Hold me and never let me go.

It has been a day. Frankly, it’s been a long day. And, if he’s going to be specific, it has been a long fucking day. It has been a long fucking day, and between arguing with Ryan from work and Will from class, Alex thinks he might have finally run out of words to talk about how people should care about other people. 

David greets him when he walks through the door, and Alex sits down right there on the floor. David climbs into his lap to lick him, and Alex buries his face in David’s back for a bit, letting the dog lick at his ear. “You’re a good boy, David. A good, good boy, and I love you.”

“I knew it. I knew you were secretly dating me just for access to my dog.” Henry’s voice, all its stupidly perfect vowels and its ridiculously posh intonation, is exactly what Alex needs. 

“I’m stealing him,” he says, holding David closer as he tries to wriggle away. “My therapy dog now.”

After all this time, he’s not really surprised when just his voice is enough to clue Henry in to the fact that he’s not doing well. He’s not particularly surprised when Henry sits down next to him, and David calms down as Henry shifts Alex’s arms enough to get his bag off. It thunks to the floor behind him as Henry asks,“want to talk about it?”

“It’s not anything. Not really. Just a long day.” 

“Want anything in particular?” Henry asks, his hand playing with Alex’s hair, and Alex leans in against him, David still in his arms.

“Hold me and never let me go,” he says, and so Henry winds his arms around Alex and pulls him and David in even closer, creating a concentric ring of hugs that leave Alex swaddled in affection.

“I’m sorry it was long,” Henry says softly. “If we order barbecue, will that make it better or worse?”

“Here? Can we do burritos instead? I want to eat my weight in cheese and beans and rice.”

“Okay.” Henry kisses the top of his head, and he keeps Alex close with one arm as he orders their food. He only has to ask a few questions about Alex’s order, and those are things Alex changes every time, and something about that makes him melt into Henry’s arms even more. When dinner is ordered, Henry kisses the top of his head again and says, “feel like moving this to the couch? Might be a bit more comfortable, but I’d have to let go, at least a bit.”

“Not if you try hard enough you won’t.” And suddenly it’s become a game, Henry trying to get up while holding on, Alex trying to do the same without dropping David. They manage it, somehow, and with a few near-tumbles and some help bracing against the wall, Henry’s hauled Alex to his feet and gotten them both settled on the couch without letting go.

“Parks and Rec?” Henry asks, but Alex shakes his head.

“Can we watch Bake Off? That makes you happier. And it makes me think of you instead of June, and it’s... it’s cozier.” 

“Okay.” Henry finds the show, and Alex’s favorite season, which makes Alex lean up and kiss the bottom of his jaw.

“You know I’ll have to let you go when food gets here, right?” Henry asks softly, and Alex whines. But when their doorbell rings, he lets Henry up nonetheless, muttering something about how he’s going to replace the warmth of a hug with the warmth of a burrito the size of a small child. It helps that David stays nestled in his lap, sound asleep, his paws twitching occasionally in his dream. When Henry comes back into the room with their food and catches sight of Alex there, cuddled up watching Bake Off with David, he can hardly believe that he gets to have this. It’s such a soft moment, a quiet one, and Alex looks so much better than he had when he’d come home. Then Alex looks up and sees him waiting in the doorway. He rolls his eyes.

“Come on, you sap. Bring me my child.”

“You’re a menace. But you look like you’re doing better,” Henry says, kissing him as he sits down and Alex starts to dig through the bags like he’s looking for treasure.

“It’s all David’s doing. He’s a wonderful therapist.”

“He’s the hardest working member of this family,” Henry says, laughing a bit as David lets out a little sleep bark that seems to agree with him. Alex nods.

“And the cutest. But you come pretty close. Thank you.” Henry just kisses him, but before it can go any farther than that, Alex puts a hand on his chest. “I love you. I do. But right now, I need a child-sized burrito in my system.”

Henry laughs, stealing another quick kiss as he unpauses the TV and Alex unwraps his burrito. Bake Off plays, and David sleeps, and they eat dinner leaning against each other, and by the time they’re done, Alex has fallen asleep on Henry’s shoulder.

And Henry can’t imagine a way this could be better.

On AO3

--

I feel like Alex doesn’t really watch much TV for fun on his own, so he doesn’t have a show that’s his per say, just shows he watches with other people (Parks and Rec with June, Drag Race with Nora, etc). This is clearly because he can’t relax enough for TV by himself, not because I couldn’t think of a TV show he’d watch.

--

Want to support the Hannah Makes Art fund? You can tip me in ko-fi here!

[navegandoaciegas]

the love you deserve.

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader (fem!reader)

Word Count: 1.4k

Summary: “He’s Bucky Barnes, Captain America’s best friend. He was the guy at the Triskelion, they say he’s the one who killed JFK.”

Whoever this Bucky guy is, he’s not your Jaime, your Jaime could never harm a fly. Your Jaime is good, he’s compassionate. Surely your friend must be wrong.

Warnings: soft!bucky, asshole!reader, angst, fluff, lying, cheating, drug use, alcohol consumption (including mentions of underage drinking), language that Steve Rogers wouldn’t approve of.

A/N: AU where Civil War and Thanos never happen, Tony forgives Bucky and he retires.  Reader kind of ain’t shit in this one, you’ve been warned.

This is my very first attempt at writing in English, I’m not a native speaker, so forgive me for any mistakes :)

This is part 1, please reblog and let me know what you think of it :) feedback is always appreciated! I can tag you for part 2 if you’re interested, let me know.

Brooklyn, New York

Bucky smiles softly looking at the picture of you two on his lockscreen.

He’s had the Parker kid teach him how to use those damn devices just so he could look at your pretty face and talk to you while you’re not together.

Alpine is cuddled on the couch with him and he shoots you a good morning text like he does every day. You haven’t responded much since yesterday, but he doesn’t think much of it.

You’re at a bachelorette party with your best friends and he doesn’t want to be a bother.

Still, he can’t even begin to describe how much he misses you. It’s only been two days since you’ve left for Vegas but he feels his heart constrict in his chest because you’re not there, and he can’t hold you, cuddle you, whisper sweet nothings into your ear and make you giggle like a schoolgirl.

He can’t look at you with big, curious eyes while you do the pretty girl things you always do, like put on makeup or do face masks. He can’t brush your hair and rub your feet when you come home after wearing heels all day at work. He can’t cook your favorite comfort food as you rant about your job.

God, if his father saw him run to the store to grab you tampons and chocolate every time you get your period, what would he think? He barely suppresses a snort just thinking about the shocked and embarrassed look on his old man’s face after he accidentally overheard Becca tell her friend she’d gotten her period at 14.

He’s sure Mr. Barnes wouldn’t approve of Bucky’s behavior.

And surely HYDRA would punch the air if they saw their most prized possession paint his best girl’s feet in a pretty baby blue nail polish, because baby blue makes you happy, and if you’re happy then he’s happy too.

He’s such a sap, like Sam tells him.

He smiles like a lunatic at the thought of Zola having a stroke if he could see him all dolled up, hair braided and makeup done, just because his girl is bored and wants to practice her skills.

He’s fallen hard for you and he knows you love him.

Well, you love Jaime, as he goes by when he’s with you.

Would you love troubled, damaged Bucky too?

Las Vegas, Nevada

Your late 20s are a weird phase of your life.

Half of your friends are inviting you to their weddings and baby showers, some aren’t even done with school yet, and others can’t properly take care of a house plant on their own.

You belong to the latter category.

It’s Jade’s bachelorette party tonight, you’re in Vegas and you’ve drank more alcohol and done more drugs than you can handle.

And mixing those it’s a bad idea, but you can’t find it in yourself to care anymore.

Getting wasted in Vegas. It’s cliché really, but a it’s a fitting ending to Jade’s bachelorette years. You have always wanted to recreate The Hangover, minus the tiger and a couple other things, you suppose.  

It reminds you of the first time you two have popped a pill in the dingy restrooms of a club in Barceloneta. You weren’t 18 yet, but in those kind of clubs age really did not matter.

You were so out of it by the time whatever drug you took kicked in that some British girls you met that night had to drag both your asses to their apartment.

Those girls, Grace and Hannah, if it wasn’t for them you wouldn’t be alive today.

You’d fucked and drank your way through Europe. It was London first, but London was boring, then Barcelona and Rome; Jade loved southern men, and you loved the way Spanish and Italian people partied. From Rome to some random italian city in the south where you’d taken a ferry to Corfù.

By the time you got to Greece you were so high all the time you barely registered moving from island to island until it was time to catch a plane to Athens and then Budapest. And from Budapest to Berlin, and from Berlin back home.

It was the summer before college and you were celebrating the end of your high school career. It was a nice phase, admittedly. You were both cheerleaders, popular, pretty, smart. You’d gotten into the college of your dreams on a cheerleading scholarship, your parents were proud of you, life was good. That summer you didn’t have a single care in the world, except choosing the sorority you would join in when August came.

Ten years later, Jade is getting married.

Today, you found out your boyfriend is a conniving bitch and a lying asshole. Not to mention the one they call the Winter Soldier.

“Hi pretty girl, can I buy you a drink?”

It’s lame maybe, but you’re drunk out of your mind and he’s handsome.

Warm brown eyes look down at you.

They’re not like Jaime’s, his eyes are light blue, almost transparent.

His skin is dark and glistens in the lights of the club, nothing like Jaime’s fair completion and his rosy cheeks.

You can feel the drug induced euphoria wearing off and the slight tick of your jaw. You’re glad you’re wearing a bandana that covers the lower part of your face.

“Why don’t we get out of here?”

His smile is pretty like his face. His head is shaved. Jaime’s chestnut locks reach his jawline.

You nod your head.

When he talks he’s charming and sure of himself. Jaime was a stuttering mess the first time he spoke to you.

You think of nothing, you feel like nothing.

“Cum pretty girl, cum for me.” he grunts in your ear.

His voice is gruff and deep. Jaime’s voice is soft for a man so big.

You should feel guilty but you don’t.

How can you, when this feels so good?

Why would you? You’re not the one who lied in the first place, you’re not the one who hid their identity.

You’re spent and satisfied. In your drunken haze you barely register the man cleaning you up with a washcloth and leaving you in your hotel room with a kiss on your temple and a whispered thank you..

You should be ashamed of yourself but you’re not.

Because Jaime who brings you flowers on all of your dates, who opens the door for you, pulls the chair out the table, gives you his jacket when you’re shivering, that sweet Jaime doesn’t exist.

His name isn’t Jaime at all, it turns out.

It’s James “Bucky” Buchanan Barnes.

Morning comes and your head is pounding. You’re hugging the toilet while you throw up all you’ve got left inside of you while Grace holds your hair out of your face.

You never fucking listen, and that’s one of your biggest problems.

The second big problem you have, you never watch the news, and that’s shame.

If you did you might have seen the cool looking guy with the murder strut that beat the shit out of Captain America at the Triskelion.

Too bad you never bothered to educate yourself on what’s going on in the world.

If you did, you might not have ended up dating the Winter Soldier for five fucking months.

Morning comes and the sun shines through the curtains of this nice hotel Jade’s fiance has booked for the five of you. Raven snores softly on one of the beds, and you hear Hannah whisper to her girlfriend sweet nothings on the phone, and all you can think about is Jaime’s shy smile and soft eyes.

The way he hunches on himself to appear less threatening, the way he gives up his seat on the train to pregnant ladies and old people, the way he never fails to leave a generous tip to waiters and is polite to everyone.

Your phone lights up with a text message.

Good morning sweetheart, I hope you had fun with your girls last night. Having lunch with Alpine, we both miss you. I love you.

Your throat feels tight as you choke back a cry.

You never fucking think before you act, and that’s the biggest problem of them all.

You should regret it, and you do.

[pucksnsticksnhockeyboys]

karaoke night

request: this came to me yesterday a karaoke night with your bf and his teammates. While you’re destroying a song he just looks at you with pure adoration and love like “ that’s my girl” If you’re not busy could you write about this with anyone?

summary: your boyfriend Travis invites you out with his teammates and he's reminded just why he fell for you.

warning: alcohol

word count: 1.2k

“There you are!” The booming voice of your boyfriend’s teammate and close friend caught your attention as soon as you walked through the bar. The loud Boston native had claimed his spot in a booth by the stage and you quickly realized he had chosen this bar for a reason. Kevin always was one for having fun.

“Karaoke? Really?” You questioned your boyfriend Travis, who instead of responding squeezed your hip with the hand he had wrapped around you to help lead you through the crowd. You chuckled at the excited grin on his face, turning back to the nearly packed booth where everyone was looking at the two of you, ready to greet when you got close. 

“Hey, boys.” Travis spoke up first, sliding into the open spot on the booth before tugging you onto his lap. You ignored the smug look on his face at your position, knowing that there wasn't realistically any way everyone would be able to fit normally, not when four large hockey players already had taken up residence. 

“I’m gonna get a drink, anyone need a refill?” You question, your gaze passing over Kevin, Nolan, Carter, and Ivan as it settled on the bar. Between work and your friend recently breaking up with her good-for-nothing boyfriend, you’d had a long week and needed a night out with your boyfriend and his friends, no matter how rowdy they could be. 

“Already ordered, TK told us you needed a drink as soon as you got here.” Carter explained, pushing your usual order across the table towards you. You shifted slightly, turning behind you to look at your boyfriend who was smiling sheepishly at you. There was a chirp about him thinking you were an alcoholic on the tip of your tongue, but decided against it because it felt nice that he knew what you’d order and that you needed it. 

“You’re a dork.” Okay, so maybe he wasn't completely off the hook from your teasing, but the loud laugh he and his teammates let out told you he didn’t exactly care. 

“Thoughtful.” He argued, earning a roll of your eyes despite the wide smile evident on your face. 

“Cheesy.” You countered, and he decided that was acceptable, because instead of talking back he shrugged before leaning in to kiss you quickly. The display of affection didn’t last more than a few seconds but that doesn't stop the other boys teasing relentlessly. 

“You’re just jealous.” Travis waved them off, and you stuck your tongue out mockingly at Nolan. Travis’ arm snaked around your waist, tightening in affection as he watched you interact with his teammates. The way you joked around with Nolan and Carter, and indulged Kevin in discussions about his niece. He had always told you that he loved how you got along so well with his friends, and nights like these always reminded him of how lucky he was to have you. 

A few drinks and a whole lot of begging later you had convinced not only Kevin and Carter, but Nolan to get up on the karaoke stage. Nolan, ever the grump, claimed he would do one song and only if he got to pick what the four of you sang. 

Once you had finished his choice of Don’t Stop Believin’ he had decided that he was good for one more song. Which was how you found yourself surrounded by three professional hockey players singing Piano Man. Kevin was making sure to act like a fool and you weren’t much better, Carter and Nolan easing out of their shells and slowing becoming as ridiculous as you. 

About halfway through the song, your attention landed on your boyfriend sitting at the booth close to the stage. You don't know how you didn’t see him before, he was looking at you in such awe and so much reverence that if you hadn't seen that look on his face so many times you were certain that it would’ve knocked you off of your feet. 

He caught you looking at him, because he mouthed ‘I love you’ which, after how long you’ve been together and how many times he’s told you that shouldn’t make your heart race as much as it did. But no matter how many times you heard the phrase you’d get butterflies in your stomach and a blush would rise on your cheeks.

You tried to wink at him, though from your current state of intoxication from the liquid courage needed to get up on the karaoke stage, you probably looked ridiculous. Your suspicions were confirmed when Travis laughed loudly at you, shaking his head at your antics but still smiling fondly. 

Your attention was drawn back to the song as Kevin swung an arm around your shoulders as he tugged you into his side and bellowed out the lines of Billy Joel’s classic song. You giggled, despite being crushed into the side of the Boston native. 

Once the song ended, you followed the boys off the stage and were smiling widely as a result of the applause resonating throughout the crowded bar. You were certain that they didn’t think your performance was actually good, just that the drunken atmosphere of the bar meant that anyone who looked like they were having a good time onstage got a standing ovation. 

Your first stop once leaving the stage was to head to the bar for a glass of water. You weren't alone long, your boyfriend coming up beside you just as the bartender set the glass before you.

“Didn’t realize I was dating a famous singer.” He teased and you playfully shoved at his shoulder. He chuckled at your response, by the impish grin on his face faded to something a bit softer, though he never fully could get rid of his mischievous grin.

“What’s on your mind, Konecny?” You mused, not used to the serious side of your boyfriend. Things with Travis were carefree and fun, of course it was a committed relationship, but you felt more like you were dating your best friend and you spent most of your time together laughing and sharing inside jokes.

“I just love seeing you with the guys.” He stated, hand resting on on your hip and this thumb rubbing into your skin through the fabric of your shirt. You smiled at the genuine adoration on his face that made your heart sore. You liked hanging out with the boys so it made you happy that he liked seeing you with his friends. You’d had more than your fair share of exes that would’ve been jealous by you being close with their friends. “It means a lot to me that you like them, since they’re such a big part of my life.”

“You’re such a sap.” You teased, pushing yourself forwards to press a chaste kiss to his lips before smiling sweetly at him. “But I love you anyways.”

“I love you, too.” He grinned, chasing after you for another kiss and you giggled, keeping him at bay with a hand pushed on his chest. He pouted at the lack of attention, but now it was your turn grin mischievously at him.

“It’s a good thing that you love me, unconditionally, because I may or may not have signed you and Nolan up to sing Hannah Montana.”

[sincerelyreidburke]

13 with Cole and Claire

First of all, Toby, I love you. Second, Cole/Claire gang rise. “Wait, Cole and Claire dated?” Yes! The following ficlet is set Cole’s freshman/Claire’s sophomore year, which is the school year before Nando and co. arrive. And in an interesting first, it’s Claire’s POV. Claire, if you do not know her, is from the drama club. She’s one of the nicest people at Kiersey College.

And yes, she dated Cole Kolinsky. I honestly think it’s a crime that she winds up breaking up with Cole Kolinsky, but in Claire’s defense, it’s a mutual decision. And don’t worry; they stay friends.

So without further ado! From this list of sappy prompts. (Yes, I’m still accepting them if you want!)

 13. “The way I feel when I’m with you...”

Claire is having a great birthday.

She knew it would be a good day when she woke up to sunny skies and a forecasted temperature above freezing, which, honestly, it’s about time, since it’s April 18th. Spring has pretty much arrived to campus, and even though this is her second spring at Kiersey, she feels like she maybe almost forgot entirely how pretty it gets. The trees are budding— slowly, but surely— and there are a few flowers coming up— bulb stuff, mostly hyacinth and iris, like they have in the backyard garden at home.

So that’s how her birthday starts— with a smile, a recognition of spring, and a nice breeze through the window, which Ellie opened, by the way, because they’re trying to ‘embrace the outdoors’ in Joy Hall Room 134. Ellie is asleep when she wakes up, because Claire is definitely the earlier riser in their roommate duo, but the second she lifts her curly ginger head from the pillow, the first words out of her sleep-deprived self are, “Happy birthday, legend!”

There are other things in the morning, too— a FaceTime call with her mom, an invasion of said call by her siblings and her dad to say happy birthday, a regular voice call with her grandparents because they can’t work FaceTime, and— maybe sweetest of all— a text.

iMessage

4/18/18, 12:03 AM

Cole💕🎶

helloooooooo don’t yell at me for my poor sleeping schedule choices but its past midnight so happy birthday :) you make me very happy, i hope you have the best day (when you wake up, which i hope isn’t now because it’s way past your bedtime)❤️

She laughs at her screen when she reads it, and can’t really wipe the smile that lingers off of her face. Ellie is awake by that point, and she has some kind of best friend boyfriend-radar, because she immediately pipes up from her bed across the room. “Uh-oh.” Claire looks up, and she’s grinning. Her hair is everywhere, because of the way she slept on it. “Mushy text alert.”

There’s literally no use denying who the text was from, so Claire just shrugs and shakes her head, still smiling. “He just said happy birthday.”

Ellie sits cross-legged, and pulls her duvet around her shoulders. So much for embracing the outdoors. “What time did he send the text?”

“Uh… 12:03?” Claire pauses. “Why does it ma—”

“Because that means he didn’t see it on my story.” Ellie flashes a freckly grin. “Which means he remembered organically. Which already makes him better than He Who Shall Not Be Named.”

“Oh.” She laughs a little. “I guess you’re right. Yeah.” Her ex from freshman year, Devin, was notorious for a number of things, among them forgetting her birthday. Ellie plotted his murder on the regular.

Me: Thank you!💜💜💜

Me: And good morning! I hope you slept well, despite being awake at midnight…

Cole texts her back during breakfast, by which point her day is already pretty much going. She gathers with Ellie and their small circle of friends, mostly hallmates from last year they bonded with really well in the shared terror of freshman housing. They occupy the same table at the dining hall every time they get breakfast, and today, Niamh and Hannah from across the hall bring her a plastic crown and a purple balloon to tie to the back of her chair.

She doesn’t wear the crown to her 10:30 class, tempting as it is. On her way there, she texts Cole again. He’s being cryptic in a cute way, and it’s exciting.

9:04 AM

Cole💕🎶: thankfully yes, i did sleep well, i hope you did too :)

Cole💕🎶: you’re free at 4:30, right?

10:18 AM

Me: Yes!

Me: Why do you ask?

Cole💕🎶: i reserve the right to let you wait to find out

Cole💕🎶: but

Cole💕🎶: you should meet me in the orchard around then

Cole💕🎶: if you want

Me: Omg

Me: Of course I want!🥰🥰

Me: You’re making me excited!

Cole💕🎶: good!

Cole💕🎶: you deserve a good day

Cole💕🎶: ❤️

Me: You’re so sweet🥰🥰🥰🥰

Cole💕🎶: hahaha

Cole💕🎶: have fun in linguistics!!

Me: I will!!💜

She winds up being soft over him for pretty much the whole morning, which is definitely cheesy, but it’s all in the privacy of her head, so nobody needs to know. She runs into Reid at lunch, who does her the hilarious honor of (loudly, badly) singing Happy Birthday and getting a good percentage of the dining hall to join in. In her afternoon theatre class, she hangs out with Zelie, her favorite senior, and then walks out of class to a funny post her brother made for her on Instagram. The sun is still warm, and everything is good.

So it’s already a good day. And then Cole makes it better.

She walks up through campus toward the orchard at 4:30. She’s wearing her favorite outfit, which is maybe not the most important detail but still makes her feel good. It’s a lavender blouse with a black skirt, and fun floral-patterned purple tights. Her flats are maybe not the most sensible choice for walking in the orchard, but at least she doesn’t have to go that far.

Because when she gets to the actual orchard, Cole is already in sight; he’s sitting under a tree. The sight of him alone is enough to make her face warm, and it just gets easier to blush when he raises a hand over his head and waves.

She waves, too, and takes in the sight. Cole has spread a blanket out on the grass, and he has a small grocery bag to one side and his guitar case to the other. There’s a white box next to the grocery bag, and a small bundle of purple irises on top of the box. He’s in a green beanie and a flannel with plaid in the same color, and his smile is soft. “Hey,” he says, as she stops by his blanket. “Happy, uh— happy birthday.”

“Cole,” she laughs, and drops down to sit across from him. “What’s— did you set all this up for me?”

“Well— yeah.” Cole half laughs, as he nods, and pushes his rounded glasses up the bridge of his nose. He is entirely too cute to handle, and Claire is going to melt. “I had a little help, but yeah.” He pauses, shifts the way he’s sitting, and then grabs the flowers. “These— may or may not be stolen from campus grouds, but—”

“They’re beautiful,” she says, before he can finish, and takes them when he holds them out for her. They’re her favorite color, soft purple, and she laughs as she adds, “I think I know exactly where you stole them from, too,” because they look an awful lot like the flowers in the garden outside the student center.

“Just don’t tell campus security,” Cole mumbles.

“I would never.” She puts a hand to her heart, and knows she’s still smiling like a big sap when she meets his eyes. “Thank you. You’re so sweet. These are going in my room.”

“You’re welcome.” His voice is soft, and he’s smiling right back. For good measure, she leans across the blanket to close the small distance between them, and kisses his cheek. This, as it often does, turns his entire face pink. She’d be lying if she said she didn’t do it on purpose, for that reaction. “Uh,” he adds, as the blush floods his cheeks. “So I brought some stuff.”

“It looks like it!” She leans back, to survey the scene on the blanket again. “You did all this by yourself?”

Cole shrugs, gently, and murmurs, “I… may have had a little help. Reid told me this is a good spot for a picnic, but I did the rest.”

“He’s a man of wisdom,” she muses, regarding Reid, and then, as Cole reaches into the grocery bag, adds, “But you are a very sweet boyfriend, and for that I’m very grateful.”

Cole is still blushing, as he roots around in the grocery bag. “Let, uh— let me explain, and then we can eat.”

He walks her through the small assortment of items in the bag— sandwiches on the good, fresh bread from the dining hall, and snacks he bought at the grocery store. The white box has cupcakes inside, but not just any cupcakes— purple cupcakes, with cream cheese frosting, from the bakery in town she loves. She’s about ready to fly in her joy as he explains this to her, rocking back and forth gently as he speaks. “I know there’s a lot,” he says, “but, uh, I thought you could always have the extras some other day. And maybe Ellie would want one?”

“These are my favorite,” she cries, which he obviously knows, because he bought them for her birthday in the first place. “You’re the actual best person alive. Did you know that?”

Cole shrugs. His hair, wispy and light brown, is blowing gently where it sticks out from under his beanie. With the blush under his glasses, and the small smile on his face, he couldn’t be cuter. Claire is sure of it. “I mean,” he mumbles, all bashful and sheepish. “It is your birthday.”

Which is true. But he’s still totally outdone himself. And that’s before he pulls out his guitar.

She eyes it while they eat, but doesn’t ask. She figures he brought it out here for some reason, and he’ll eventually explain, which she turns out to be right about. It would be lying, though, to say that, as they eat, she’s not secretly hoping he’ll serenade her. Cole’s guitar is sort of the whole reason she started liking him in the first place. Not the actual guitar itself, but the way he is when he plays it. He’s super talented, and super cute when he does it, and she first started to notice him when she first heard him play.

So she waits. Patiently. More than a little excitedly. They eat the food he packed, and she tells him about her classes, about her breakfast with the girls, about her serenade from Reid and his impromptu backup singers. The sun shines warm on her shoulders, and he tells her she looks pretty. It’s more than enough to give her butterflies.

She’s eating a cupcake when the guitar finally gets brought up. It’s after a pause in conversation, while she pulls the wrapper off of the cupcake and he takes a deep breath. He’s fidgeting with his hands in his lap, a sign he’s thinking. When he speaks, he’s looking down at his hands. “So, um.”

Claire waits. She puts the cupcake down on a napkin, and nods. “You okay?”

“Oh, I’m— yeah. I’m fine.” Cole’s laugh is gentle, and nervous. He nods, and then takes a deep breath for a second time. “I, uh… I was going to write you a card,” he starts. “I know that’s sort of, like. A thing people do.” He pauses. “But, uh… well… okay, I tried to write a card. Or, like, something like that. But I realized…” He fixes his beanie, and then takes a deep breath for a third time before he finally blurts a bunch of words out at once. “I’m… not good with words in that way, and I honestly, like, I don’t know how to write down the way I feel when I’m with you.”

The butterflies are at it again. Claire knows she’s smiling at him. She might even be blushing, too. And it just gets easier to smile and blush and all that jazz when Cole finishes his ramble with, “So I, uh… I wrote you a song?”

He reaches sideways for his guitar. The case is undone, so all he has to do is throw the top open. “You did?” she asks, because in that moment, she can’t even find the words for the excitement.

“I, uh— yeah.” Cole rests his hand on the neck of his guitar. It’s maybe the most beautiful instrument Claire has ever seen, except her own flute, but she’s sort of biased towards the latter. Cole still looks hesitant, still red in the face. “Is that weird?”

“Oh, my God, no,” she laughs, and shakes her head as she leans forward. “Cole, that’s— that’s maybe the sweetest gesture anyone’s ever done for me?”

“Well,” he laughs, “maybe don’t speak so soon. You haven’t heard the song yet.”

“I’ve heard your other songs.” She could kiss him. She wants to kiss him. She has done that before, a good number of times considering they’ve been together for two months. But right now, she especially wants to. “I can’t even— Cole.” She puts both hands over her face and laughs. “You’re the sweetest boy.”

Cole laughs, too; it’s the same bashful noise she’s gotten so fond of with him. Gingerly, he pulls his guitar from its case, and settles it into his lap. One test strum of a G chord, and she is positive she is going to combust with all the softness.

“Sorry, I, uh—” Cole stops strumming, and shakes his head. “I’ve never actually, uh, played someone a song I wrote them before? Especially not, like, a girlfriend.” He winces at himself. “So this is sort of new for me, and I’m, uh— a little embarrassed.”

“Oh, my God,” she murmurs. “Please do not be embarrassed.”

She guesses that’s enough for him, because he takes another of those huge breaths, and with that, he plays her the sweetest song she’s ever heard.

It’s like watching a little concert that was meant just for her. The lyrics are soft like a love song on the radio; his guitar sound is just… well, there’s nothing like it. In the entire world. Claire is blushing like crazy, and the best part is that he is, too, right through the whole thing, as he looks down at his guitar and sneaks her smiles between verses. When he finishes, she wishes she’d made a voice memo of it on her phone or something. Something to hold onto.

“There is no way,” she breathes, as the last chord hangs in the air, “that you’re a real person.”

Cole laughs, doubling over his guitar. He’s the cutest boy in the world. “I really hope I’m a real person,” he replies, and she wastes no more time. She lunges across the blanket, takes care not to knock the guitar off of him, and grabs his face to kiss him gently. When he smiles against her lips, she thinks her heart is literally going to fly.

How is this happening to her.

“That was so sweet,” she tells him, when she’s looking into his eyes, hazel and dazed behind those cute glasses. “I don’t even know how to thank you.”

“That was a thank you,” Cole breathes, and then adds, “Happy birthday.”

Claire laughs. She presses to his forehead, and then kisses him again.

This is, by far, the cherry on top of the best birthday she’s ever had.

[the-mandalorian-clone-lover]

Aces in Spaces Chapter 9

*Stands on a chair* It’s Monday again!!!!!

And Roman and Erica are going on a double date with Butcher and Hannah because I said so :D

Tags: @sunshinepascal​ @rentskenobi​ @obaby-wan​ @maybege​ @princessxkenobi​ @agent-450​

Excessive fluff, country music, more fluff, Butcher being soft, Roman being a sap, Erica being a pain and planning ahead to spite Roman, did I mention fluff?

Masterlist

Reference Photos!!! Erica’s dress is first then Roman’s outfit (ft. Ewan:))

“Starshine?”

It’s called out as Roman fusses with his tie in the mirror, eyes never leaving it and frown etching itself deeper. He hears a giggle from the kitchen before his Starshine appears, the hair on the crown of her head pulled into a ponytail and the rest added in in links down the back, it’s gotten slightly longer he’s noticed, falling to the middle of her neck when down instead of her lips or chin. It’s a small difference, but he notices.

“Your hair’s gotten longer.”

She tilts her head, looking down at the flowing sundress and white sneakers she’s also wearing before looking back at him in the mirror and blinking twice (it seems smug he thinks but he’s noticed and he plans to point it out). “That’s what you needed me for?”

“I need you for a lot of things dear one—”

“Telling you you’re over-dressed being one of them apparently, we’re going to a barn dance Roman it’s hardly a black-tie affair.” It’s teasing but it’s fond and he can’t really complain, turning to look her in the eyes as he gives his best rebuttal.

“You said we were going dancing—”

“Swing dancing” she cuts in

“Yes, and then you said you were wearing a dress”

“A sundress.”

“Which can also be formal” He adds in an attempt at defense and she shakes her head and laughs.

“Not suit and tie formal silly”

He huffs.

“You’re just worried I’m going to put you in jeans again”

He tries not to wrinkle his nose, he really does.

“Don’t act like that” She says placatingly “Butch’ll cry if you don’t wear the cowboy boots.”

He opens his mouth wide to protest but she’s already reaching to undo his tie and his brain short circuits long enough that she’s already moving away with it towards the closet before he can say a word.

“I brought a flannel of mine, if we can’t find anything in your closet that’ll be our back up!”

She doesn’t yell but she does raise her voice to carry out into his room and he is not having any doubts that she is entirely too cheery about this whole ordeal.

“I don’t know how to swing dance.”

Her head pops out of the closet and she pauses a moment before walking over to kneel in front of the edge of the bed where he’s dumped himself in a defeated pile. His hands are resting on his knees so she rests hers on his forearms, murmuring out a ‘balance’ as she bends.

Roman flips his hands over to steady her.

“I’m alright” She says softly before turning her eyes up to him, “I don’t either, but if there’s anyone I’d want to learn how to with, it’s you.”

He smiles, pinching her cheek just barely, eyes roving over her face. “I’m only wearing the jeans if the shirt doesn’t clash. I refuse to clash colors in public, I have a reputation to uphold.”

She grins so ferally he leans back the slightest bit. “You planned that didn’t you.”

She withdraws and sweeps away to the kitchen before coming back through the doorway with a jacket that somehow is exactly the same color as her dress. Roman would damn her if he didn’t love her.

As it stands, he closes his eyes and sighs deeply. She laughs at him.

“I’m not wearing the boots”

“Oh, Come onnnnnnnn”

“No.”

They pull up to the lot in Erica’s car (she’d insisted on driving so she could give Roman a musical education on the way, he’s decided country is “tolerable, I suppose”.), and she texts Hannah quickly before they get out, meeting Roman at the hood of the car to pump him up one last time.

“Worst case scenario, we stay an hour and then James feels sick and we have to leave to get him.”

“James?”

She reaches out to pat the hood of the car gently. “James.”

Roman raises his eyebrows at the car, looking back to her with them still up.

“Welcome to the mind of an introvert, we have plans for everything.” She takes his hand and turns to walk toward the barn. “I once planned the demise of three small countries to get out of a party.”

He sighs again, “I honestly don’t know if you’re serious or kidding.”

She shrugs before seeing Hannah and Butch and calling out to them, cutting off their conversation.

“Did the boots fit him?”

Erica knows she hears Roman growl but she ignores him and smiles widely at Butch instead. “Don’t think I’ll ever get him out of them actually! He loves em to pieces!”

Hannah smiles, “I’m so glad you both could come!! Butch and I have been enjoying it so much and” she pauses before leaning closer to Erica and holding up a hand to hide her words (though they’re still at the same volume) “its easy on the eyes” She finishes with a wink and Erica laughs.

“He’s always easy on the eyes” She says conspiratorially, jiggling the hand of the man in question who’s eyes are currently off in the middle distance. He snaps back to her with a questioning hum and she smiles teasingly at Hannah before they all turn toward the barn again.

“What was that about?”

“Oh nothing, just how amazing you look.” She looks away from him noncommittally, “How big of a stick I’ll need to keep the women away.”

He laughs despite himself before squeezing her hand. “Won’t even see them with you here.”

She smiles at him and it’s his turn to look away, “Probably spend all night looking at my feet.”

They’re walking through the door now and before they head up the stairs she stops him, wrapping her arms around his waist firmly.

“It’s just you and me, we can always hang in the back and eat snacks or make up random steps to confuse everyone else.” She starts listing, lolling her head to the side as she does so “Spend the whole night speaking only Russian and get ourselves thrown out, sit around discussing Star Trek and get shunned...”

He shakes his head and grabs both her cheeks to pull her into a soft kiss that turns into them pressing their foreheads together.

“I can do this, its just more fun if I give you trouble.”

She laughs, “Come on then” she winks, “Cowboy”

“I’m doing this for you but you are on thin ice.”

“I’m on the stairs”

“It’s an expression”

“It’s a barn.”

Roman sighs.

They spend the whole night dancing, Roman (who also definitely commandeered the stereo covertly while Erica occupied the DJ at least once but can’t be held accountable for the second and third time because he might have also been in the bathroom), eventually discarding the jacket for its heat and spinning Erica around in just his t-shirt. They traded partners with Butch and Hannah at the beginning to learn the steps, but they’ve been back with each other for a while now. It’s mostly fast songs the whole night, probably to keep children present engaged Roman thinks, reaching behind him to where Erica is standing to pull her against his back, tucking his hands into her back pockets as hers wrap around his chest. They’ve decided to take a break and watch for a bit, Erica lays her head sideways across his shoulder sleepily, but he starts shrugging to get her attention across the room.

“Look at them, saps.”

Butcher and Hannah are completely wrapped up in each other, twirling and laughing and Butch sweeps Hannah into a dip at the crescendo of the bridge, just as Erica looks up.

“Awwwww.“ Her gaze goes back to Roman. “Like bodyguard, like boss man.”

Roman huffs a laugh. “I’m not a sap” He says calmly, bring his hands to rest over hers on his chest. “I, am…”

“Go ahead, I want to hear another word for it.”

“Whipped.” Comes a slightly croaky voice from behind them and they both startle slightly, turning toward it. They find an old man (who looks weathered and wise enough to be a wizard from a bedtime story) who’s also watching Butcher (who has now picked Hannah up by the waist and is carrying her in a deadlift as he sways so they’re still close) with a slight smile. His eyes fall back to Erica.

“That’s always what we called it, Butcher there’s been waiting for the right one quite a while.”

Erica smiles, “You must be the grandpa he always talks about.”

It isn’t a question and Roman turns to look at her, how many things about Butcher does everyone know except him?

The man smiles a little bigger now, “Are you the Ms. Erica?” She nods, disconnecting from Roman to turn toward the man “He talks about you almost as much as his Sunshine over there, come ‘ere”

She reaches to shake but they end up hugging and she holds on for a second Roman doesn’t fail to notice, he follows along, hoping for a handshake and he gets one, incredibly firm like his grandpa used to give.

“Roman?”

He nods in what he hopes is a confident way and is put at ease when the man smiles again. “Heard good things about you too, Butch says you’re the original sap.”

Erica laughs out loud at this before closing her mouth and putting a knuckle against it as she bites her lips to hide a smile. Roman decides to tell the truth, something about Butch’s grandpa makes him feel comfortable enough to, anyway.

“Can’t let a woman like her get away” He says, looking at Erica with longing as she stands by the mans other shoulder, he wants to reach for her right now, and he realizes there’s finally slow music playing in the background. He turns his head to find Butch again, (he’s set Hannah down and is holding her against his chest, she pauses every few beats to place her chin on his chest and gaze up at him lovingly) heart growing in size at the adorableness.

Then he’s looking back at her, and her eyes haven’t left Butch, so he greedily drinks in the moment of looking at her profile. Her beautifully done hair, the highlights of golden and white blonde that peek through, the neckline of her dress that makes her neck look long and makes him want to lay kisses along it, up the side and behind her ear before holding her head in his hands and kissing all along her face and finally---

“Well. I see he still hasn’t taken up exaggeration. Go on then son, take your woman out there ‘fore somebody else does.” Butcher’s grandpa cuts in on his daydream, drawing Erica’s eyes and he gives the man a look that says he isn’t really sorry for having been caught before extending a hand to Erica.

“May I have this dance, beautiful ace woman of mine?”

She smiles at him, and for the briefest of moments he allows himself to believe that its love on her face not just fondness,

“He’s a good one Ms. Erica, wasn’t sure how I felt about him fakin’ it in those boots but, he’s alright.”

And then she speaks.

“Thank you, Ted.”

She gives the older man a smile, placing her hand on his shoulder before reaching out to take Roman’s.

“I’d love to dance with you cowboy.”

He starts to shake his head at her, prepping a sigh but she’s already taken his hand and started pulling him forward towards the floor and turning to face him.

“Does he know?”

She shrugs, “Butch might’ve told him, but having a Grandpa tell me I picked a good one is always a comfort. Even if I knew already.”

Roman blushes. He hasn’t in years but he can’t stop this one, his cheeks burning red as he looks down between them.

She wraps her arms around his neck, sliding in close and kissing his forehead gently. “You knew that, right? That I think you’re a good one?”

He bites his lip and swallows, finally finding the courage to look her in the eyes. “It’s different when you say it out loud.”

She nods, looking down herself before continuing quietly “I should say it more, I’m out of practice but, I want to try, for you” Her eyes drift back up to him, pausing a second to linger on his lips. “I don’t want you to doubt that I want you either.”

He wraps his arms around her waist tightly, breathing in deeply and sneaking a hand up between her shoulder blades to bring her close enough he can bury his face in her neck. “I like you a lot.” He says softly.

“I like you more.”

“Actually with the boots—”

“Shut up cowboy”

They finish their night like that, holding each other tightly and whispering loving words together (interspersed by comments about how adorable Butch is like this), nuzzling cheeks and noses in an effort to keep the feeling of the night in their memories forever.

******************

[grelleswife]

for the unique writing asks 1, 3,7,20,30 please ! also you're not garbage never call yourself that ever again ):< , you provide this fandom with SO MUCH great content

Awww! Thank you for the words of encouragement, dear! >w< They are much appreciated.

1. What themes would you like to write about that you feel don't get explored very often?

Hmm...I'm not sure if this counts as a theme, but stable, longterm sapphic relationships? Although we're definitely moving in the right direction, I don't see as much exploration of this in fic as I'd like. And possibly the struggle to reconcile one's religious beliefs with being LGBTQ? It's not a topic I often write about directly, but it's certainly one that weighs on my mind.

3. What loves do you tend to write about? Agape (unconditional, spiritual love), Eros (romantic, passionate love), Philia (affectionate, platonic love), Philautia (self-love), Storge (familial love), Pragma (enduring love like between long-married couples), Ludus (playful love, infatuation you feel during the "honeymoon period"), and Mania (obsessive love that leads to madness and jealousy).

Given the amount of slash fic I write, mainly Eros, with a side helping of Pragma and Ludus depending on which stage of the relationship I'm focusing on. Philia and Storge sometimes crop up, as well...the best example I can think of at the moment is the most recent RP my friend @bapydemonprincess and I co-wrote, which delves into Sebastian's relationship with his little sister Amy.

7. Favorite description in your WIP?

Alas, most of my WIPs aren't polished at the moment...but here's the opening paragraph to Chapter 10 of Metanoia, "Labile," which I wrote a few weeks back.

In his letter to Ephesians over a thousand years ago, righteous Paul had described demons as belonging to the power of the air—bound to neither heaven nor earth, but occupying the nebulous space between. Although mortals held many wrongheaded notions about Sebastian’s kind, there was a measure of truth to these writings. Devils were not static like the implacable higher powers that moved among the stars. Change was their only constant. They shifted and flowed like a capricious breeze. Asking a demon to stay frozen in one form was as unnatural as imprisoning the wind in a mountain’s stony heart. Yet that was precisely the fate to which Sebastian Michaelis was consigned upon accepting the Earl Phantomhive as their master.

20. Already answered here!

30. What is some of the best writing advice you've ever read or received? Why does it work for you?

Allow your first draft to suck.

Seriously. It's okay! My personality is somewhat obsessive (just a teeny bit); as a result, I can get so caught up in finding the perfect phrasing that I need for each sentence that I stress myself out. But a first draft is called a first draft for a reason. It's just the start. When in doubt, use this draft as an opportunity to tell yourself what you want to write about; for example, if I only have a hazy idea about how I want a certain scene to go, I might just put "Mey Rin finally kisses Grelle" or "Hannah and Grelle playfully dance in a circle until they grow dizzy." When I return to the draft later, I can roll up my sleeves and get to work in earnest, knowing that I've at least laid a foundation upon which I can build. After all, no one's going to see the first draft but me, which means there's plenty of time to make it pretty before I share it with the rest of the world!

If you're not sure how the next scene is going to go, skip ahead to the scenes you’ve already planned out.

All authors are different, and some people prefer to write a fic in order. For me, however, the above piece of advice was liberating. If I let myself get stuck on the one paragraph that just won't come together, it can stall my progress on the entire fic, and that frustration saps my motivation. By skipping around to write the exciting sections first, I'm inching my way closer to the finish line and also feel energized because I worked on one of "the fun parts." And fics are a bit like puzzles; the more pieces I have, the clearer my vision of the whole will be, and that's often the key to figuring out the more challenging scenes in a WIP.

[yescs2020]

apparently this list was blocked in Canada and Cuba and all it is is somebody’s opinion:   By Hannah Mylrea- 8th September 2020 “Every Taylor Swift song ranked in order of greatness She's one of the greatest pop stars in the world, and she's released the official lockdown album in 'Folklore'. But which is Tay's single best song of all time?” article with rankings starts here:

A few months ago Taylor Swift did something totally un-Swiftian, and surprise released her latest record ‘Folklore’. The indie-inspired album, which featured collaborations with Bon Iver and The National‘s Aaron Dessner, was remarkable and unexpected, and another example of the bold moves Swift has navigated throughout her career.

From the country of her early albums to the glittering synth-pop of ‘1989’ and experimental sounds of ‘Reputation’, this is an artist who’s constantly reinvented her sound. Yet at the core of it one thing remains: Swift’s sheer songwriting talent. It’s worth remembering that Taylor is the person who wrote ‘Love Story’ in 20minutes on her bedroom floor when she was only a teenager.

Now, almost a decade-and-a-half into her career, we look back on Swift’s glittering discography and rank every single one of her songs. That’s right: all 161 of ’em.

A few caveats to begin with – no officially unreleased songs have been included, nor songs that are “featuring Taylor Swift”. Anything written under a pseudonym has also been forgone (so her credit as Nils Sjöberg ‘This Is What You Came For’ isn’t given a look in). We have, however, included officially released cover songs – so that includes all of the Swifty renditions on the ‘Speak Now World Tour Live’ record and her bevvy of Christmas covers.

Additional words: El Hunt, Nick Reilly

161‘Christmases When You Were Mine’ (2007)

There’ve been a handful of Swift-does-Christmas moments over the years. Some are truly lovely – but this original tune from 2007 EP ‘The Taylor Swift Holiday Collection’ is not one of them.

160‘Superstar’ (2008)

A syrupy song about Swift fancying a celebrity, the puppy love of ‘Superstar’ is innocuous but bland.

159‘You Are in Love’ (2014)

A sweet bonus track from ‘1989’, it’s inoffensive but you can see why it was only bunged on the end of the deluxe edition of the album.

158‘White Christmas’ (2007)

This festive cover is absolutely fine – nothing more, nothing less.

157‘Silent Night’ (2007)

A cover of the classic Christmas carol, Swift well and truly puts her stamp on Franz Xaver Gruber’s song. Growing to a melodramatic finale, it’s an overblown rendition.

156‘Beautiful Ghosts’ (2019)

Written by Swift and musical theatre composer Andrew Lloyd Webber for last year’s film adaptation of Cats, this is a bit slushy. But, no, we wouldn’t say it’s a CAT-astrophe.

155‘Christmas Must Be Something More’ (2007)

Another festive tune: this time Swift questions the commercial nature of Christmas over rootin’ tootin’ country instrumentals, concluding that December 25th is actually about “the birthday boy who saved our lives”. Happy birthday JC!

154‘Umbrella’ (2008)

An acoustic cover from Swift’s ‘iTunes Live from SoHo’ EP. It’s nice, but little more to it.

153‘American Girl’ (2009)

A cover of the Tom Petty classic, you can’t deny it’s a beast of a song. But this slowed down rendition saps some of the energy out of it.

152‘Last Christmas’ (2007)

There’s plenty of Christmas joy in this cover, but it doesn’t have a patch on the Wham! classic.

151‘King of My Heart’ (2017)

This electro-pop moment has a sweet sentiment: that the extravagance of past relationships isn’t what Swift wants anymore, and now this new love interest could be The One (“Is this the end of all the endings? / My broken bones are mending”). But this soppiness is delivered over jittery instrumentation, which three years on already sounds dated.

150‘If This Was A Movie’ (2010)

A bonus track from ‘Speak Now’, ‘If This Was a Movie’ is frustratingly repetitive. With its droning guitar licks and dreary chorus, it stutters towards the finish line.

149‘Last Kiss’ (2010)

A plodding waltz from ‘Speak Now’. Fine, but by no means vintage Taylor.

148‘Santa Baby’ (2007)

A twee cover of the iconic Christmas song, it’s a sauceless version of the usually sultry festive bop.

147‘I Did Something Bad’ (2017)

A cavernous slab of EDM, this was basically Swift proving that she’s a good girl gone bad. The devilish lyrics are fun (“They say I did something bad / Then why’s it feel so good?”), the dubstep-laced hook of “Ra-di-di-di-di-di-di-di-di-di-da-da” less so.

146‘You’re Not Sorry’ (2008)

Imagine Swift doing Eurovision – this is what ‘You’re Not Sorry’ sounds like. Filled with melodramatic piano chords and overdone vocals, it’s a histrionic ballad that you can imagine accompanied with bombastic visuals and a ton of pyro.

145‘Girl At Home’ (2012)

The bubbling ‘Girl at Home’ fuses the driving country of ‘Red’ with bleeping 8-bit sounds, and is a sweet but bland tune.

144‘Come Back… Be Here’ (2012)

A weepy ballad where Swift reminisces over a lost love, this is uneventful – but fair play to Swift for managing to get “nonchalant” into a pop song.

143‘I Want You Back’ (2011)

A cover of The Jackson 5 taken from the from live album ‘Speak Now World Tour – Live’, this 90-second cover is short, sweet and absolutely fine.

142‘The Way I Loved You’ (2008)

A bit of a head-banging country moment, ‘The Way I Love You’ lacks the radio-ready hooks and megawatt moments of Swift’s other tunes.

141‘So It Goes…’ (2017)

An ethereal synth-pop moment laced with EDM and trap, this ‘Reputation’ cut is sleepy filler.

140‘Sweet Escape’ (2011)

This Gwen Stefani cover is deliciously entertaining, with Swift spitting out the tongue-twister pre-chorus of “Cause I’ve been acting like sour milk that fell on the floor / It’s your fault you didn’t shut the refrigerator” and almost nailing it. Taken from the Target DVD version of ‘Speak Now World Tour – Live’, is an intriguing rendition.

139‘This Is Why We Can’t Have Nice Things’ (2017)

This song was written as a response to the media after they criticised her decision to throw big parties for her pals and get them up on stage during the tour for ‘1989’ – things she considered “nice things”; a powerful sentiment, but an acquired taste.

138‘Haunted’ (2010)

Sounding like it should be accompanying a wild fantasy movie, with over-the-top strings and belted vocals, ‘Haunted’ feels like the younger sibling to Swift’s fairy-tale epics such as ‘Love Story’. They’re fine, but lack the nuance that some of her enchanting, happy ending filled romances boast.

137‘Long Live’ (2010)

A fairly pedestrian song from ‘Speak Now’, ‘Long Live’ is a fairly generic slice.

136‘Ours’ (2010)

With its muted acoustic instrumentals and mawkish lyrics, ‘Speak Now’ is sickly sweet.

135‘Breathe’ feat. Colbie Caillat (2008)

A sleepy, acoustic number that sees Swift teaming up with American singer-songwriter Colbie Caillat, it’s a largely forgettable tune taken from ‘Fearless’.

134‘Drops of Jupiter’ (2011)

Another cover from the ‘Speak Now’ live album, this rendition of Train’s 2001 hit ‘Drops of Jupiter’ is a stripped-back version of the bombastic pop rock song.

133‘…Ready for It?’ (2017)

This slab of industrial pop opens Swift’s ‘Reputation’. With its dubstep wubs, EDM beats and trappy instrumentals, this messy number feels like a tug of war between this collection of different genres.

132‘September’ (2018)

Earth, Wind & Fire, but make it Swifty! Recorded for the Spotify Singles series, this stripped back cover is lovely. Plus it features a typically Swiftian Easter egg, where she changes the opening line of “Do you remember the 21st night of September?” to the 28th night, a cute tribute to her anniversary with boyfriend Joe Alwyn.

131‘This Love’ (2014)

A weepy moment from ‘1989’, ‘This Love’ feels remarkably maudlin when nestled in-between the bevvy of synth-pop bops that Swift’s fifth album holds.

130‘A Place In This World’ (2006)

Written when she was just 13 years old, ‘A Place In This World’, it feels like a glimpse into a Swift’s secret diary. Opening with the wonderfully teenage: “I don’t know what I want, so don’t ask me”, it’s the musical equivalent of telling your mum that she just doesn’t understand you!

129‘Superman’ (2010)

If you were ever imagining what Taylor Swift covering McFly would sound like – this could be it. The cheesy ‘Speak Now’ bonus track is filled with adolescent lyrics (“I watch superman fly away / Come back, I’ll be with you someday”), and is topped off with a pop-punk tinged chorus.

128‘I Heart?’ (2008)

Taken from Swift’s second EP ‘Beautiful Eyes’ – one that was exclusively released in Walmart in the US – this is a lovely country bop.

127‘A Perfectly Good Heart’ (2006)

An absolutely fine slice of country-pop from TayTay’s first album. On ‘A Perfectly Good Heart’ Swift depicts her very first experience of heartbreak. It’s one of her earliest breakup ballads, but quasi-emotive couplets like “It’s not unbroken anymore / How do I get it back the way it was before?” fail to pack the emotional punch some of Swift’s later tunes do.

126‘Untouchable’ (2008)

This cover of rock band Luna Halo’s ‘Untouchable’ is sweet, but largely unexciting.

125‘Jump Then Fall’ (2008)

A bonus track taken from the platinum edition of ‘Fearless’. Swift herself has described the song as “really bouncy and happy and lovey”. It’s an accurate description, as the bouncing banjo-led number is sickly sweet, but lacks much depth.

124‘Sad Beautiful Tragic’ (2012)

A weeper taken from ‘Red’, this gloomy tune sees Swift reflect on a relationship that was a “sad, beautiful, tragic love affair”.

123‘Bette Davis Eyes’ (2011)

A song popularised by Californian singer-songwriter Kim Carnes in 1981, Taylor’s live cover of ‘Bette Davis Eyes’ is nice but innocuous.

122‘Breathless’ (2010)

A uninspired cover of American alt-rockers Better Than Ezra’s ‘Breathless’, Swift performed the tune for Hope for Haiti Now: A Global Benefit for Earthquake Relief in 2010 (with her version later appearing on live album ‘Hope for Haiti Now’).

121‘Look What You Made Me Do’ (2017)

It’s only TayTay sampling Right Said Fred’s ‘I’m Too Sexy’! The bolshy ‘Reputation’ lead single  saw Swift giving a massive middle-finger up to the haters, and accompanied her comeback after a year-long hiatus. It impact was huge at the time, but in the meantime ‘Look What You Made Me Do’ feels like a bit of a mis-step.

120‘Crazier’ (2009)

It appeared on the soundtrack for ‘Hannah Montana: The Movie’, and critics said it was the best song in the film. Bad luck, Miley.

119‘Eyes Open’ (2012)

From the soundtrack to The Hunger Games, ‘Eyes Open’ sees Swift go stadium rock. Too bad hair-whipping number’s repetitive chorus begins to grate.

118‘Nashville’ (2011)

A cover of Nashville-based singer-songwriter David Mead’s ‘Nashville’, this cover (taken from the Target exclusive version ‘Speak Now World Tour – Live’; yes, we’re really into the deep-cuts here) is pretty impassioned .

117‘Invisible’ (2006)

On this lacklustre cut from Swift’s eponymous debut album ‘Invisible’, she laments feeling invisible to the boy she fancies. It’s a bleak sentiment, and the emotive instrumentals in ‘Invisible’ mimic this.

116‘Hoax’ (2020)

The least memorable moment from the fantastic ‘Folklore’, this slow, waltzing tune is inoffensive, but lacks excitement.

115‘London Boy’ (2019)

The lyrics to this ‘Lover’ cut are wild. On ‘London Boy’ Swift proudly asserts her love for the nation’s capital, listing her fave places (including Brixton, Shoreditch, Highgate and for some God-forsaken reason “walking Camden Market in the afternoon”). With a bizarre spoken word intro from James Corden and Idris Elba, it’s cringe and weirdly entertaining in equal measures.

114‘Wonderland’ (2014)

It’s Swift does EDM, and it’s total chaos (albeit with a chorus that’ll be frustratingly caught in your head for weeks on end).

113‘Tied Together with a Smile’ (2006)

A bonus track from the debut album, ‘Tied Together With a Smile’ was written the day Swift found out one of her best mates was bulimic. An early indicator of Swift’s impressive turn of phrase (“And you’re tied together with a smile / But you’re coming undone”), it’s a lovely country moment.

112‘Beautiful Eyes’ (2008)

The title track from Swift’s EP of the same name, ‘Beautiful Eyes’ is an underrated stomper from TayTay’s extended discography.

111‘This Is Me Trying’ (2020)

A slow-burner from ‘Folklore’, this soft ballad sees Swift grapple with accepting blame for a crumbling relationship.

110‘My Tears Ricochet’ (2020)

This Jack Antonoff produced tune from ‘Folklore’ is about an “embittered tormentor showing up at the funeral of his fallen object of obsession.” Although fairly unremarkable, it does include the brilliantly Swiftian put-down: “And if I’m dead to you, why are you at the wake?” Ooft.

109‘Me!’ feat. Brendon Urie of Panic! at the Disco (2019)

A saccharine collaboration with Panic! at the Disco’s Brendon Urie, this semi-irritating (and unbearably catchy) tune is an absolutely fine single from Miss Swift. Although it gained several places in our ranking after Swift removed the “Spelling is fun!” lyric.

108‘Come In With the Rain’ (2008)

‘Come In With The Rain’ sees Taylor showing off the country-pop that defined her early years. It’s a nostalgic snapshot at Taylor’s life before world domination became the main priority. NR

107‘Cold As You’ (2006)

As Shakespeare once wrote in ‘Sonnet 18’ – “Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day?” If it’s Tay Tay you’re asking, then absolutely not. Instead, this break-up ballad compares thee to a grey, dreary and completely sodden wash-out of a day. EH

106‘Never Grow Up’ (2010)

Taken from ‘Speak Now’, this ballad moment peers out into a dimly lit crowd, and sees Swift dealing out her best life advice for younger fans in particular. “I look out into a crowd every night and I see a lot of girls that are my age and going through exactly the same things as I’m going through,” she’s said. “Every once in a while I look down and I see a little girl who is seven or eight, and I wish I could tell her all of this. There she is becoming who she is going to be and forming her thoughts and dreams and opinions. I wrote this song for those little girls.” EH

105‘Bad Blood’ feat. Kendrick Lamar (2017)

This Kendrick Lamar-featuring cut would have been right at home on Taylor Swift’s villainous ‘Reputation’ – a record on which she embraced her false depictions in the media, and ran with them. Instead, though, it felt like an outlier on ‘1989’. Swift herself said that it’s a song about a friendship with a fellow pop star that turned sour: “She basically tried to sabotage an entire arena tour,” she told Rolling Stone. “She tried to hire a bunch of people out from under me.” EH

104‘Afterglow’ (2019)

It’s a crying shame that the track fails to live up to its title. There’s little that live longs in the memory about this drum-driven number from ‘Lover’. NR

103‘The Other Side of the Door’ (2008)

A slightly slept-on fan favourite, ‘The Other Side of the Door’ features a deliciously dramatic guitar solo and even more melodrama. Like so: “I said, ‘leave’, but all I really want is you to stand outside my window throwing pebbles screaming ‘I’m in love with you’’. Exquisite. EH

102‘Soon You’ll Get Better’ feat. the Chicks (2019)

Featuring country music icons The Chicks, ‘Soon You’ll Get Better’ is one of Swift’s most personal songs; both of her parents have had cancer, and this year the singer confirmed that her mother Andrea has been diagnosed with a brain tumour. It’s a difficult listen precisely because it’s so incredibly honest. “I hate to make this all about me but who am I supposed to talk to?” she asks. “What am I supposed to do if there’s no you?” EH

101‘Miss Americana & the Heartbreak Prince’ (2019)

A slow burning, electro-pop moment that’s meant for soundtracking a moody walk to the shops in the rain.

100‘Ronan’ (2012)

One of Swift’s most affecting ballads, this song pieces together quotes from a blog by a mother named Maya Thompson, who wrote about her journey with four-year-old son Ronan, who died from a rare cancer called neuroblastoma in 2011. Swift credited his mum as a co-writer and donated all the proceeds to charity. EH

99‘Stay Beautiful’ (2006)

This twanging debut cut is dedicated to the high school crush that Swifty never worked up the courage to ask out; and by the time he moved away, it was too late. “After hearing my songs, a lot of people ask me, `How many boyfriends have you had?’” she said of the song. “And I always tell them that more of my songs come from observation than actual experience. In other words, you don’t have to date someone to write a song about them. This is a song I wrote about a guy I never dated!” EH

98‘Tell Me Why’ (2008)

Despite including the brilliantly searing take-down of “You could write a book on how to ruin someone’s perfect day” this up-tempo bop is errs on the side of humdrum.

97‘The Outside’ (2006)

One of the first songs Swift ever wrote, ‘The Outside’ speaks to the feeling of being a misfit growing up: “So how can I ever try to be better?”  she asks, “Nobody ever lets me in”. EH

96‘Getaway Car’ (2017)

This banger from ‘Reputation’ references novelist Charles Dickens, epic war film The Great Escape, a runaway Bonnie and Clyde and even various meta details from Swift’s own romantic life. EH

95‘Mirrorball’ (2020)

In her candid 2020 documentary Miss Americana, Taylor Swift speaks about the struggle of your every move being followed by an audience and remarks that many women, particularly in pop, are “discarded in an elephant graveyard by the time they’re 35.” Broadly, this is what ‘Mirrorball’ seems to be about; balancing her skill for performing with the huge pressure of constant reinvention. “All I do is try, try, try I’m still on that trapeze,” she says, “I’m still trying everything, to keep you looking at me””. EH

94‘Change’ (2008)

Delivered as an official anthem for the 2008 US Olympic Team, here’s a track that sees Swift exploring the idea of overcoming adversity on the road to success. It’s easy to be cynical about it all, but it gave Swift her first US top 10, so maybe that message got through after all. NR

93‘Innocent’ (2010)

Sometimes the best revenge is to take the moral high ground. And performing at the MTV VMAs – where Kanye West infamously snatched the mic from Taylor Swift mid-acceptance speech – Swift appeared to get hers by playing ‘Innocent’. “You’re 32 and still growing up now,” she sings. Guess how old West was when he declared “I’mma let you finish, but…” Yep. EH

92‘Begin Again’ (2012)

Marking one of ‘Red’’s more pointed returns to her country roots, ‘Begin Again is, according to Swift, “about when you’ve gotten through a really bad relationship and you finally dust yourself off and go on that first date after a horrible breakup, and the vulnerability that goes along with all that”. EH

91‘I Know Places’ (2014)

Ahead of making ‘1989’ Swift long harboured ambitions of working with Ryan Tedder – most recognisable as the lead vocalist of One Republic and record producer for everyone from Adele to Lady Gaga. And their eventual collaboration came about on ‘I Know Places’ – a song that explores falling in love amid high pressure fame, and finding places to outrun the cameras. EH

90‘The Lucky One’ (2012)

Speculation orbits around ‘The Lucky One’ – which dissects the more taxing sides of fame that people don’t speak about. “Now it’s big black cars, and Riviera views, and your lover in the foyer doesn’t even know you,” Swift sings, “and your secrets end up splashed on the news front page”. Fans reckon it’s about everyone from Joni Mitchell and Shania Twain to Kim Wilde. Possibly, it could also be a reflection of Swift’s future fears. EH

89‘You Need to Calm Down’ (2019)

Delivering an effective riposte to endless streams of internet trolls can often prove to be the toughest of tasks. It’s testament to Swift then, that she managed to deliver a swift fuck you, all packaged up in the shape of a bonafide banger. Bow down. NR

88‘How You Get the Girl’ (2014)

The 10th track from ‘1989’ is like the less sabotage-hungry answer to Robyn’s ‘Call Your Girlfriend’ – here, Taylor’s full with useful tips for winning an ex back after an unwise dumping. She’s even got a script ready. “And then you say: “I want you for worse or for better, I would wait forever and ever,” she sings, “broke your heart / I’ll put it back together.” EH

87‘New Year’s Day’ (2017)

The groggy clear up that takes place after a raucous New Year’s house party has never sounded so idyllic – despite the fact their entire floor is splattered with glitter and stale old beer spilling out of half-empty bottles, Swift’s just happy to have a worthy clean-up buddy. “I want your midnights,” she sings, “but I’ll be cleaning up bottles with you on New Year’s Day” Sometimes those small, mundane moments are just as romantic. EH

86‘Dress’ (2017)

By a mile the steamiest cut from ‘Reputation’, this slinking song details the pang of secret lust in breathy falsetto. “Carve your name into my bedpost, ‘cause I don’t want you like a best friend,” Swifty pleads. “Only bought this dress so you could take it off.” Get it, girl! EH

85‘Mary’s Song (Oh My My My)’ (2006)

This debut album cut is archetypal vintage Swift, drawing on the people around her for storytelling material. Twanging and country-pop, ‘Mary’s Song (Oh My My My)’ borrows Swift’s next door neighbour – and her long, rock-solid marriage – as a protagonist. “I’ll be 87, you’ll be 89,” she sings wistfully, “I’ll still look at you like the stars that shine in the sky.” EH

84‘Christmas Tree Farm’ (2019)

Sure, it’s cheesier than an explosion at the Kraft factory, but this track sees Taylor successfully using the festive season to look back on her own childhood (she grew up on a Christmas tree farm). Christmas is now Swiftmas. NR

83‘Everything Has Changed’ feat. Ed Sheeran (2012)

Warm, fuzzy, and firmly hanging onto its rose-tinted glasses, this collaboration from ‘Red’ has a cutesy video to match, featuring miniature child versions of the pop stars. EH

82‘Should’ve Said No’ (2006)

“It’s strange to think the songs we used to sing, the smiles, the flowers, everything is gone; yesterday I found out about you,” sings Swift in the opening lines of this debut album cut – which exposes a boyfriend for cheating, and proceeds to rip him apart atop country-rock guitars and a ripper of a string solo. EH

81‘The Last Time’ feat. Gary Lightbody (2012)

On this intensely catchy anthem from ‘Red’, Swift teams up with none other than gruff-vocaled Gary Lightbody from Snow Patrol – lighters in the air, everyone. EH

80‘Starlight’ (2012)

This ‘Red’ cut sees Swift transporting back to the 1940s – inspired by a photo of two loved-up teenagers dancing together. The teenagers in the photograph were actually US senator Bobby Kennedy and his future wife Ethel, and ‘Starlight’ imagines their adventures early on. “I ended up meeting Ethel and going and playing it for her,” she wrote of the song, “and she just loved it,”. EH

79‘The Best Day’ (2009)

R’The Best Day’ is one of Swift’s earliest odes to her mother Andrea. Recalling her happy childhood, it’s a sweet, if somewhat cloying look at the early years of the planet’s biggest pop star. NR

78‘I’m Only Me When I’m With You’ (2006)

Easily one of the more head-banging moments of Swift’s debut – with the hardest slapping violin solo of 2006 – ‘I’m Only Me When I’m with You’ is dedicated to the singer’s best mate Abigail Anderson, who also features in the video. EH

77‘It’s Nice to Have a Friend’ (2019

A minimal intermingling of steel drums and choral backing vocals, ‘It’s Nice to Have a Friend’ arrives near the end of Swift’s ‘Lover’ – and also features some snow-tinted nostalgia, and slightly rogue but highly enjoyable brass solo. EH

76‘The Moment I Knew’ (2012)

Nine years ago, Taylor Swift had a right stinker of a 21st birthday – her ex boyfriend never showed, and left her sobbing beneath the Christmas lights (her birthday is on the 13th December). Still, at least it inspired this deluxe edition ‘Red’ song. EH

75‘Paper Rings’ (2019)

This fidgety cut from ‘Lover’ is Swifty’s big jitterbug moment – singing about her current boyfriend Joe Alwyn, she declares that she’s willing to chuck aside all her magpie tendencies just to be with him. “I like shiny things, but I’d marry you with paper rings,” she sings. Loved up – and thrifty! EH

74‘Only The Young’ (2020)

‘Only The Young’ saw Taylor truly nailing her political colours to the mast for the first time. Tackling gun violence and providing a message of hope for the next generation, Taylor emerged as the activist we all need right now. NR

73‘Treacherous’ (2012)

One of the quieter moments from ‘Red’, ‘Treacherous’ eventually grows to a subtle roar, and details a pairing that’s gradually unravelling like a ball of twine. “All we are is skin and bone, trained to get along / Forever going with the flow,” she sings, “but you’re friction”. EH

72‘Better Than Revenge’ (201)

Across Taylor Swift’s entire back catalogue, ‘Better than Revenge’ is perhaps best suited to soundtracking an angsty high school drama; think along the lines of 10 Things I Hate About You. It has its fair share of cutting one-liners, too. Case in point: “no amount of vintage dresses gives you dignity”. Burn. EH

71‘I Wish You Would’ (2014)

Co-written with frequent collaborator Jack Antonoff, ‘I Wish You Would’ started with a guitar line Antonoff sent to Swift during her Red tour – and it eventually evolved into this slightly Haim-ish pop juggernaut. Lyrically, it tells the story of a heartbroken protagonist who watches her window in the middle of the night and notices that headlights keep flickering past at the same time. “It’s two AM, here we are,” she sings for the big reveal, “I see your face, hear my voice in the dark.” EH

70‘Stay Stay Stay’ (2012)

If there’s anyone who specialises in nailing the many sides of romance, it’s Tay Tay – case in point, ‘Stay Stay Stay’. The song’s placed immediately after the defiant break-up anthem ‘We Are Never Getting Back Together’ on ‘Red’ – and in many ways, it’s that song’s foil. Atop chronically catchy ukulele, she details a more generous kind of love that’s still worth fighting for. EH

69‘Sweeter Than Fiction’ (2013)

Taken from the soundtrack for the movie One Chance, this John Hughes-channelling tune is a new-wave belter that forecast the shimmering synth-pop of Swift’s fifth album ‘1989’.

68‘False God’ (2019)

A sultry, R&B ballad filled with religious imagery and trap beats, ‘False God’ finds Swift all grown up.

67‘Don’t Blame Me’ (2017)

This thundering, foot-stomping, fist-pumping moment from ‘Reputation’ will make you want to set fire to your ex’s car (in the best possible way).

66‘August’ (2020)

This Jack Antonoff co-write from ‘Folklore’ is a melancholic dream-pop ballad. Part of a trio of songs that Swift has dubbed the Teenage Love Triangle, ‘August’ is the tune that comes from the point of view of the other woman, telling the story of forbidden love.

65‘The Lakes’ (2020)

The ethereal ‘Folklore’ bonus track sees TayTay channel the Lake Poets in a romantic number about love, resilience and the Lake District.

64‘Daylight’ (2019)

The lovely final song on ‘Lover’ is wistful number about healing, hope and healthy new relationships.

63‘Welcome to New York’ (2014)

The opening track on ‘1989’, ‘Welcome to New York’ ushers you into the sleek synth-pop world of Swift’s fifth album. With its bouncing bassline and hand-clapped beats, it’s a bombastic tribute to the Big Apple.

62‘I Forgot That You Existed’ (2019)

There comes a moment while growing up when you just stop caring about what everybody else thinks of you. The fizzing opening track on ‘Lover’ celebrates this, with TayTay rejoicing in the peace and quiet brought on by not giving a shit about the haters.

61‘Hey Stephen’ (2008)

‘Hey Stephen’ is the stuff of gooey rom-coms. “‘Cause I can’t help it if you look like an angel,” Swift sings over warm instrumentation, “can’t help it if I wanna kiss you in the rain”. It’s wonderfully schmaltzy stuff, and comes with a chorus you’ll sing full belt after a Tinder-date-gone-right – just don’t let the date hear you.

60‘I Almost Do’ (2012)

‘I Almost Do’, Swift’s explained, is “about the conflict that you feel when you want to take someone back, and you want to give it another try, but you know you can’t”. Exploring the internal battle between moving forward and looking back, the poignant ballad fuses country-pop with soft-rock, and the result is a brutally honest and quietly powerful song.

59‘I Think He Knows’ (2019)

This sharp-edged, upbeat moment from ‘Lover’ would have stood up well as a single – charting those early will-they-won’t-they moments complete with suggestive sighs. EH

58‘Mad Woman’ (2020)

This ‘Folklore’ track skewers the sexist trope of angry women being branded hysterical. “Every time you call me crazy, I get more crazy,” she claps back, rising to the challenge, “what about that?” EH

57‘Peace’ (2020)

Like much of ‘Folklore’, the sparse ‘Peace’ ponders how much life has changed, and celebrates a partnership strong enough to withstand the soaring highs and painful lows alike. EH

56‘Picture to Burn’ (2006)

Peak debut album angst, ‘Picture to Burn’ is jam-packed with sizzlingly mean one liners. Case in point: “I hate that stupid old pickup truck you never let me drive / You’re a redneck heartbreak who’s really bad at lying”. EH

55‘Fearless’ (2008)

Taylor Swift wrote the title track for her second album while touring her self-titled debut – whisked away from everyday life, the song muses on the perfect rainy first date. “I wanna ask you to dance right there, in the middle of the parking lot,” she says. EH

54‘Seven’ (2020)

Chiming and reflective, this string-adorned ‘Folklore’ track sees Swift hark back to childhood: “please picture me in the trees,” goes the opening line, throwing back to the Pennsylvanian Christmas tree farm where she grew up. It’s a snapshot of being young and carefree while real life gradually creeps into the picture – the song appears to be addressed to a friend who had a difficult upbringing. EH

53‘Call It What You Want’ (2017)

As far as years go, Taylor Swift’s 2016 was relatively tumultuous, featuring the whole ‘Famous’ lyrics debacle feud with Kanye West and Kim Kardashian and two very public break-ups. ‘Call It What You Want’ appears to address the singer weathering that particular series of storms, and finding quiet contentment with partner Joe Alwyn. “Call it what you want,” sings a smitten Swifty: she doesn’t care what people think any more. EH

52‘Death By A Thousand Cuts’ (2019)

Apparently inspired by the 2019 film Someone Great (which in part took influence from Swift’s ‘1989’ closer ‘Clean’) this upbeat track from ‘Lover’ seems to get inside the head of the film’s music journalist protagonist right before she flees heartbreak to another city. “I ask the traffic lights if it’ll be alright,” Swift sings, “they say, “I don’t know”. EH

51‘Dear John’ (2010)

Is ‘Dear John’ about Taylor Swift’s short-lived relationship with the musician John Mayer? Well – John Mayer certainly thinks so: he told Rolling Stone he was “humiliated” by the song, and added that “it was a really lousy thing for her to do.”  Tay Tay remained tight-lipped “How presumptuous!” she told New York Daily News. EH

50‘End Game’ feat. Ed Sheeran and Future (2017)

Taylor’s own homage to the R&B-laced slow jam, ‘End Game’ is less spiky than the rest of ‘Reputation’ – instead Swift muses on wanting her relationship to last forever, while Ed Sheeran and Future chip in with punny takes on reputations that precede them. EH

49‘White Horse’ (2008)

The dual-Grammy winning ‘White Horse’ is wonderfully understated moment. Filled with romantic, fairy-tale imagery, it’s run through a realist filter that makes it like the older, more sceptical sister to ‘Love Story’. It’s one of the best Swift heart-break ballads.

48‘Epiphany’ (2020)

The warm, unpretentious ‘Epiphany’ is an exquisite ‘Folklore’ song. Filled with powerful instrumentals that could have fallen off the latest Bon Iver record and Aaron Dessner’s glittering production, it sees Swift go full-on indie.

47‘The Archer’ (2019)

The minimalist The Archer is a meditative moment from ‘Lover’. Filled with ambient synths and soft instrumentals, as Swift discloses her own insecurities in a remarkably vulnerable way.

46‘Holy Ground’ (2012)

This galloping soft-rock moment celebrates whirlwind romances, and comes with a chorus perfect for shouting along to on road trips.

45‘I Don’t Wanna Live Forever’ with Zayn Malik (2017)

Look, it might have come from the soundtrack to the Fifty Shades of Grey sequel; but that doesn’t mean that Taylor’s collab with ex-1D member Zayn isn’t a bit of a banger. All sensual electro-pop and breathless vocals, this sultry number deserved better than the film it was soundtracking.

44‘Betty’ (2020)

This swaying folk-rock tune tells the tale of a cheating boyfriend trying to apologise for his indiscretions is a highlight of ‘Folklore’. With its woozy harmonica riffs and chiming vocals, it’s a beaut.

43‘All You Had to Do Was Stay’ (2014)

A sweltering synth-pop banger that comes off like Carly Rae Jepsen’s ‘Emotion’ meets Lorde’s ‘Melodrama’.

42‘Fifteen’ (2008)

‘Fifteen’ is one of Swift’s greatest ever songwriting moments. The cautionary tale of young love it as a country epic – complete with the utterly shattering line “Abigail gave everything she had to a boy / Who changed his mind and we both cried”.

41‘Back To December’ (2010)

‘Back To December’ is a musical apology, with Swift explaining that she decided to write it as “sometimes you learn a lesson too late and at that point you need to apologise because you were careless,”. With an accompanying orchestra and grandiose instrumentals, it’s unflinching and honest, with Swift taking responsibility and asking for forgiveness after a breakup.

40‘Cornelia Street’ (2019)

A highlight from ‘Lover’, ‘Cornelia Street’ is a dazzling tune that’s made even more powerful in this acoustic version performed in Paris last year.

39‘Safe & Sound’ (2012)

Before Swift took a trip to a metaphorical cabin in the woods for recent album ‘Folklore’, she dabbled in writing indie-folk tunes with ‘Safe & Sound’. Taken from the soundtrack to The Hunger Games, this pretty, stripped-back track is enthralling.

38‘Red’ (2012)

The hair-whipping, chorus-screaming title track of Swift’s fourth album is an adrenaline-charged ride.

37‘Gorgeous’ (2017)

‘Gorgeous’ is about having your head turned. It’s about seeing somebody who is so unbelievably hot that you develop a massive crush, existing partner be damned. It’s the perfect song to soundtrack a particularly juicy episode of Love Island and comes with a killer chorus to-boot.

36‘Today Was A Fairytale’ (2010)

Written for the soundtrack to 2010 film Valentine’s Day, this song was one of the only redeeming moments of the trite rom-com. A classically Swiftian country ballad stuffed full of romantic lyrics, it’s lovely.

35‘Forever & Always’ (2008)

On ‘Forever & Always’ Swift manages to evoke the crushing feeling of a crumbling relationship in under four minutes, but no couplet cuts as deep as the utterly millennial “And I stare at the phone, he still hasn’t called / And then you feel so low you can’t feel nothing at all”.

34‘The Story of Us’ (2010)

Swift was inspired to write ‘The Story of Us’ after running into an ex at an event and both of them trying to ignore the other. A break-neck tune, it’s a catchy nugget of country-pop.

33‘New Romantics’ (2014)

‘New Romantics’ was done dirty. The stomping synth-pop knockout was relegated to bonus track on ‘1989’, when it deserved pride of place. Hell, it should have even been a single! The sparkling success is pure euphoria.

32‘Dancing with Our Hands Tied’ (2017)

This electronic, beat-heavy song from ‘Reputation’ is basically as close as we’ve ever come to a Swiftie club remix.

31‘Invisible String’ (2020)

Filled with unusual turn of phrase (“Green was the colour of the grass / Where I used to read at Centennial Park“), ‘Invisible String’ is a sweet ode to Swift’s past relationships, and how they lead her to where she currently is.

30‘Illicit Affairs’ (2020)

Taken from Swift’s most recent record ‘Folklore’, ‘Illicit Affairs’ is a heart-wrenching story of complicated infidelity. Over scintillating stripped back production courtesy of Jack Antonoff, Swift manages to spin a whole tale of secret meetings, lies and clandestine romance, and the emotional impacts it can have.

29‘Tim McGraw’ (2006)

Swift’s debut single ‘Tim McGraw’ isn’t actually about country legend Tim McGraw, but instead about a boyfriend she had whilst at school who was a senior. In it, she warmly reminisces on their past relationship, with Swift knowing he was going to break up with her when he headed off to uni. It’s pretty emotionally astute stuff for the then-teenage songwriter.

28‘Mean’ (2010)

The dual-Grammy winning celebration of self-empowerment sees Swift slamming bullies over joyous banjo strums, reminding them that: “Someday, I’ll be living in a big old city / And all you’re ever gonna be is mean”.

27’22’ (2014)

Before ’22’ nobody cared when you celebrated your 22nd birthday – but then along came this gargantuan cut of bubble-gum pop, and somehow Swift turned it into a milestone.

26‘Sparks Fly’ (2010)

Swift wrote ‘Sparks Fly’ when she was only 16 years old, when she performed at small bar shows back in the late noughties. A video of one of these SHOWS made it onto the internet and fans started to request she released it. This lead to her reworking it for her third album of the same name, with euphoric results.

25‘Wildest Dreams’ (2014)

Channelling her inner Lana Del Rey, this breathless ‘1989’ moment is a synth-pop beauty.

24‘Speak Now’ (2010

‘Speak Now’ features some of Swift’s most vibrant storytelling. With lyrics that detail a wedding, giving you the full picture of the snotty bride “dressed in a gown shaped like a pastry” and how the groom’s marrying the wrong girl, it’s a brilliantly intricate story.

23‘The Man’ (2019)

A searing take-down of sexist double standards wrapped up in a synth-pop bow, ‘The Man’ sees Swift getting seriously feminist.

22‘You Belong With Me’ (2008)

A country-pop thumper from Swift’s second album ‘Fearless’, Swift was inspired to write ‘You Belong With Me’ after hearing a friend arguing with his girlfriend on the phone. Rotten for him – but we got this catchy number out of it.

21‘Enchanted’ (2010)

‘Enchanted’ is one of Taylor’s most underrated songs. A fairy-tale epic that acts as an elder sibling to ‘Love Story’, it captures the dizzy infatuation of a new romance, with huge swooning instrumentals and a heartfelt chorus.

20‘Exile’ feat. Bon Iver (2020)

2020’s been a strange year and brought with it a ton of surprises – one of these being Taylor Swift’s eighth album, and another that she managed to wrangle Bon Iver’s Justin Vernon for a guest appearance on the cinematic ‘Exile’. The gorgeous duet sees the two singers singing over each other, as the two portray ex-lovers seeing each other after a breakup. It’s an emotive cut, and one of Swift’s most impressive collaborations.

19‘Our Song’ (2006)

Taylor wrote ‘Our Song’ as she needed something to perform at her high school talent show. Built around a jangling banjo riff, with bouncing vocals which see Swift dissect how her and the lad she was dating didn’t have a song, it went down such a treat with her classmates that she stuck it on her debut album. With its enthralling lyrics, that paint a vivid picture of the young couple, it was an early indicator of Swift’s songwriting capabilities.

18‘Shake It Off’ (2014)

There’s no two ways about it: ‘Shake It Off’ is a stone-cold smash. It’s got bolshy brass, several hooks that are catchier than a rash and Tay Tay even does a rap. The uptempo tune ushered in Swift’s sixth album ‘1989’, paving the way for her new era of pop belters – but none of them slapped quite this hard.

17‘Teardrops On My Guitar’ (2007)

Swift’s breakthrough single, ‘Teardrops on My Guitar’ is pure country-crossover star. With its soft guitars, and Swift’s early earnestness, unrequited love has never sounded so good.

16‘Clean’ (2014)

‘Clean’, the Imogen Heap co-written closer to ‘1989’, is an understated moment of clarity. It’s the feeling when you’ve started to move on with your life post-breakup and you realise you haven’t thought about your ex for several weeks, and when you do, you don’t want to key their car. With chiming soft-rock instrumentals, and gorgeous layered vocals, it’s an unfussy song that’s filled with Swift’s impressive turn of phrase, including the particularly devastating: “Ten months sober, I must admit/Just because you’re clean, don’t mean you don’t miss it”.

15‘We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together’ (2012)

There’s a lot of reasons that Swift’s Billboard Hot 100 topping, Grammy-nominated ‘We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together’ is excellent. There are the snarky lyrics, the ear-worm guitar riff and the megalithic chorus. But perhaps the best moment in the entire song is the delicious spoken word interlude in the middle-eight, where Swift deadpans: “Ugh, so he calls me up and he’s like, “I still love you” / And I’m like… I mean, this is exhausting, you know?/ Like, we are never getting back together – like, ever.” Wickedly savage.

14‘I Knew You Were Trouble’ (2012)

Back in 2012 things were different. David Cameron was still Prime Minster; Corona was only a type of beer and Taylor Swift experimented with dubstep. ‘I Knew You Were Trouble’ was a bold step for Swift, marking a departure from her trademark country crossover songs, but somehow the genre-melding smasher just works. From the icy kiss-off lyrics that raise a middle finger to fuck-boys everywhere to the thumping dub bass, it’s Swift’s most brilliantly bombastic release.

13‘The 1’ (2020)

“I’m doing good, I’m on some new shit” Taylor begins on ‘The 1’. It’s a punchy way to begin a song, let alone ‘Folklore’. The new shit could be Swift accepting her past fights over her discography, or the indie-folk direction she took for her most recent album. But whatever “new shit” TayTay is on, if it means she makes songs as good as this, we back it.

12‘Lover’ (2019)

The slow-dancing title track of Swift’s seventh album is a celebration of being smugly, head-over-heels in love. Ready-made for waltzing at a wedding, this enchanting, romantic tune is a sepia-tinged dream.

11‘Mine’ (2010)

The lead single from ‘Speak Now’ is pure Swift. In under four minutes Swift manages to spin an expansive story of a girl who’s parents’ broken marriage caused her to put up walls and avoid putting themselves out there – who gradually falls in love and has to deal with the fear of something potentially going wrong. It’s a country-pop epic, with more of a narrative in each verse than an entire Nicholas Sparks novel.

10‘Delicate’ (2019)

This vocoded beauty was a highlight of ‘Reputation’. Whilst the bulk of Swift’s seventh album was bold and brash, ‘Delicate’ offered a gorgeous moment of vulnerability. From the exposed opening (“This ain’t for the best / My reputation’s never been worse, so /You must like me for me…”) to the lush instrumentals that mesh the woozy vocals with tropical twinkles and slinky house beats, ‘Delicate’ is dazzling.

9‘Style’ (2014)

This slice of ’80s pop from ‘1989’ embodies the change in Swift’s sound for her fifth album. Filled with chugging synths, strutting guitar licks and glittering production, it’s an effervescent, hook-laden nugget filled with sleek electronics that dissects an unhealthy on-again off-again relationship (that “never goes out of style”). It’s Swift at her best: clever lyrics? Check! Earworm melodies? Check! A chorus that you want to sing at the top of your lungs? You bet.

8‘State of Grace’ (2012)

Ever wondered what Swift singing a massive arena-rock song would sound like? Well, just listen to ‘State of Grace’ and you’ll find out. The huge, U2-flecked opener to ‘Red’ is filled with guitar reverb and vocals that are meant to be screamed back by a stadium full of fans.

7‘Out Of The Woods’ (2014)

With shimmering indie-tronica-laced production and its anthemic, exhilarating chorus, ‘Out of the Woods’ is another belter from ‘1989’. Written about a high-profile relationship that was cut short due to fear of the media’s reaction to it (Swift explained it “that song touches on a huge sense of anxiety that was, kind of, coursing through that particular relationship”), it’s a breathless, honest depiction of a lost relationship; and one of Swift’s greatest triumphs.

6‘Cruel Summer’ (2019)

‘Cruel Summer’ should have been a single. It could have been the lead single. We all know it’s true; yet it was cast aside for the likes of ‘Me!’ and ‘You Need to Calm Down’. A standout moment on Swift’s seventh album ‘Lover’, this synth-pop bop was co-written with indie legend St Vincent and Jack Antonoff.

It was written about “the feeling of a summer romance, and how often times a summer romance can be layered with all these feelings of pining away and sometimes even secrecy”. Swift recounts the feelings of anxiety and uncertainty that plague a new relationship; before revealing her feelings and finding them reciprocated: “And I scream, ‘For whatever it’s worth/I love you, ain’t that the worst thing you ever heard?’”

It’s the musical version of a perfect romantic comedy ending, complete with a chorus perfect for riding off into the sunset on a lawnmower a la Can’t Buy Me Love.

5‘Love Story’ (2008)

What would you do with a spare 20 minutes? Watch an episode of Friends? Aimlessly scroll through Instagram? Well, if you’re Taylor Swift, you can use that time to write ‘Love Story’. Her 2008 country-pop fairy-tale epic remains one of her biggest hits – climbing charts worldwide and receiving near-constant radio rotation. It’s still one of the biggest-selling songs ever. With its Shakespearean narrative (it sees Swift reinterpret Romeo and Juliet), and huge, megawatt chorus, ‘Love Story’ remains a classic from Swift’s bountiful back catalogue.

4‘Cardigan’ (2020)

The lead single from Swift’s latest record is a swirling amalgam of glittering production, swooning strings with flickering piano, and lyrics that evoke the pain of young love. From the searing “When you are young, they assume you know nothing”, to the heart-wrenching “And when I felt like I was an old cardigan / Under someone’s bed / You put me on and said I was your favourite”, Swift conjures up a story of teenage love and betrayal, all anchored by the Aaron Dessner’s jittery production.

We’ve all felt like someone’s old cardigan at one point in our lives, and Swift stunningly manages to convey these complex mixed emotions – the hurt, jealousy and heartbreak – in a gorgeous folk-laced package.

3‘Blank Space’ (2014)

Swift’s got a lot of chart-smashing pop gems in her armoury, but ‘Blank Space’ is surely one of her crown jewels. This megawatt electro-pop tune sees her most cutting, satirising the media’s perception of her dating life and relationships. Knowingly spitting out wry couplets that hit back at the media’s portrayal of her reputation as a man-eater (“Got a long list of ex lovers / They’ll tell you I’m insane / But I’ve got a blank space, baby / And I’ll write your name”), it’s brilliantly wicked – and it absolutely slaps! A work of art.

2‘The Last Great American Dynasty’ (2020)

Swift’s latest album, ‘Folklore’, saw her write more regularly from the point of view of other people, telling their stories as opposed to her own. ‘The Last Great American Dynasty’ was an intriguing case of this – as Swift depicts the life of American artist and socialite Rebekah Harkness, who had previously owned Swift’s Rhode Island, dubbed ‘Holiday House’. Detailing how Harkness married into a wealthy family, was hated by the town and then blamed for the downfall of the Harkness family (including the death of her husband) , Swift pithily compares her scrutiny in the media to the criticism Harkness has experienced.

It’s an impressive song, managing to communicate a huge amount of Harkness’ life across in only a few minutes; and Swift does all of this and tops it off with a banging chorus.

1‘All Too Well’ (2012)

‘All Too Well’ is Swift’s magnum opus. Beginning life as a deep-cut on ‘Red’, it’s become a favourite of both critics and fans – and there’s good reason for it: it’s the perfect example of Swift’s song-writing skills. On it she movingly conveys the heartbreak of a painful break-up, spinning a tale of lost scarves and autumn days as she jumps between different points – both good and bad – in a relationship.

There’s a focus on small, painful details, which are offset by some of Swift’s best ever couplets: “And you call me up again just to break me like a promise / So casually cruel in the name of being honest” can’t be beaten, can it?. Swift takes you on the entire journey of a relationship, and its masterful – just as we’ve come to expect from her.

[missn11]

Chapter two and three of The Devil’s Advocate, since chapter two is quite short, but these chapters are giving us some build up by introducing a mysterious woman luring people in a poorer neighborhood to the local abandoned church with her song.  And we catch up with Liza and Owain and see how things are done in the Atlanta Camarilla court.  

The song called. Antwuan made his excuses to his friends and left. They weren’t going anywhere. Nobody Antwuan knew was going anywhere. Nobody but Antwuan. His friends had always ragged on him. Except for Little Johnnie, Antwuan was the only one who’d stayed out of trouble, “kept his nose clean,” like his mama put it. Soon he would be old enough to work for his uncle Maurice driving a cab. He was going to save some money, buy his own place. The ladies would like that. He wasn’t going to spend his whole life in Reynoldstown. 

I seen too many folks get shot down, or go crazy on drugs. None of Antwuan’s friends really thought they’d live much The Devil's Advocate 63 past thirty, anyhow. None except Little Johnnie, and he was just too scared to get himself killed. Antwuan liked hanging out with his friends, but he didn’t need them every night. And it wasn’t every night that the song called. The first time Antwuan had gone had been for other reasons. Taquanna had hinted that he should come, so he’d figured, play his cards right, he might get down her pants. Seemed worth a shot. Since then, though, there was no question. The song called, he was there.

The old church had always been a part of the scenery for Antwuan. It was there, he just didn’t mess with it. Nobody messed with it. The place had that feel to it, and people stayed away. Not even the up and coming gangstas congregated there. Hell, Antwuan reasoned, plenty other boarded up buildings to trash. 

Lol, I think we have a title drop here with that street name!

Again as he approached, Antwuan heard the notes that floated through the night and sum- 64 Gherbod Fleming moned him. He had never heard the song before that first time, but now he heard it every time, no matter where he was. This past summer he’d been down at a Braves’ game, and even over the miles, the traffic, and the crowds he’d heard it and hopped on MARTA and gotten back as quickly as he could. There was no one else around as he walked up the cracked sidewalk into the shadows surrounding the church. But there would be others, he knew. The song would reach out to those who were aware, and many would come. Antwuan was glad he lived so close and could almost always make it. He reached for the door, the lofty, lilting notes pulling him more forcefully now. It was a prelude, as his mama called it when she made him go to their church, only this music was far more alluring than any church prelude, and the service was nothing he would expect from Preacher Rutherford. Antwuan chuckled at the thought, but immediately fell silent as he entered.

She stood at the front of the sanctuary before the toppled, graffiti-carven pulpit—the pale angel. Her skin was white as ivory, made more noticeably so by the dark black hair and straight bangs that framed her thin face, now lifted toward the heavens, eyes closed, lips slightly parted to allow forth the most enticing sound heard to man.

Place your bets on what Clan this woman is! I’m thinking at the moment a Toreador with a high level Presence.

Her voice brought them to her, held them there, not that they would want to tear themselves away. Antwuan closed his eyes, let the music ease his mind, carrying away thoughts of trouble, of his mama pestering him to get a job now instead of waiting till he was old enough to work for his uncle, of the long empty days since he’d dropped out of school, of wondering if the gunshots he heard at night would kill a member of his family or one of his friends. The daily concerns were washed away, replaced by soothing music, the closest thing to true contentment that he’d ever experienced. But even this contentment was not complete. At its heart was a tiny ache, the seed of desire, a rising need. The music did not erase this need, did not carry it away, but rather caressed it, cared for it. Now the music changed, shifted indescribably. Antwuan knew that if he opened his eyes he would see the others around him, ten or fifteen of them. He felt the familiar presence of Taquanna beside him, her shoulder inches from his. The angel still 66 Gherbod Fleming sang above them; her music reminded Antwuan of a song his grandmother used to sing to him as a little boy, but he couldn’t quite fully summon the tune to memory. Besides, that would only distract him from the pleasure at hand.

and then they dance and Antwuan has sex with Taquanna, which isn’t told in great detail, more tastefully really. Then later Antwuan feels super happy on the way home and he collapsed on his bed, sleeping until very late into the day.

Chapter three starts with Liza making her way to the art museum for the Camarilla gathering

Liza took a detour through Piedmont Park. She loved the freedom of walking the city at night by herself, something she couldn’t do as a mortal. Not only did she revel in her newfound powers, she always looked for a chance to show them off, to convince herself they were real more than to impress anyone else. Liza don’t need nobody else, she told herself quite often. She hoped somebody would give her trouble, wished that some thinks-he’stough asshole would try to mug her, or better yet, to rape her. She’d leave him with his dick stuffed down his throat. I bet ol’ Dietrich give Francesca a big hard one, Liza mused.

Probably got spikes just like on his head. The Devil's Advocate 69 Strangely enough, it was Francesca that intrigued Liza more. The way she rrrolls her rrrrs. The very thought gave Liza shivers. Maybe the two women would meet again, without Dietrich. The freak. Who knew when another Sabbat mission might bring them together again? The team had worked well enough: Liza, the Atlanta native, guiding; Dietrich helping herd their prey; Francesca giving the orders and immobilizing old what’s-his-name at the end. To Liza’s disappointment, it was a slow night in Piedmont Park. After about forty-five minutes completely unmolested—not even a nibble—she headed toward the High Museum of Art and Prince Benison’s exhibit.  

The Camarilla, the vampire sect that controlled Atlanta, claimed every vampire as a member. So Liza, as an Atlanta Kindred, was automatically invited, even if Benison didn’t really want her there. Technically, she was an anarch, a rebel who didn’t acknowledge the strictures of the Camarilla, at least not all of them. But since the Camarilla claimed her, there was plenty of gray area to use as she saw fit. Liza liked gray area. Gray area meant freedom. Although if Benison, or any of the 70 Gherbod Fleming other Atlanta Kindred for that matter, found out about her Sabbat connections, that would be the end of freedom, not to mention her life. She’d be staked, or beheaded, or left out for the sun, or all three.

And we get our first look of who’s who of the Atlanta Camarilla court at the gathering. 

Occasionally, Benison had midnight prayer breakfasts at Rhodes Hall, his mansion just a bit down Peachtree Street. Liza avoided those like the plague. No way was she going to go listen to the crazy Malkavian prince spout scripture, pretending that God still cared about the Damned. Liza the The Devil's Advocate 71 anarch had that freedom. She could skip out on any gathering she felt like. Not so for these other Kindred. Stupid bastards. Prince Benison frowned on subjects missing his courtly functions. That was another reason to attend this relatively painless exhibit: to rub it in the others’ faces that she didn’t have to be there. 

And they were all there all right, Liza noticed: Eleanor, the prince’s snobby bitch wife wearing her poofy Gone With the Wind dress; Benjamin and Thelonious, resident legal eagle and Mr. Civil Rights, brothers who bought into the white folks’ world; Owain Evans, the youthful and good-looking but boring-ass businessman; Hannah, the local Tremere grand wizard or whatever; Marlene, artist wannabe, porn queen more likely. There were others too, but Liza was distracted by the sight of Alex Horndiller, Benison’s righthand ghoul, leading two young men, mortals, toward the center of the gallery. She strutted over to them, her black tights drawing quite a few stares amidst the formal evening wear crowd.

Liza causes a stir when she feeds on two of the ghouls before the Prince has a chance for the first sip.

She slapped the ghoul on the shoulder, hard enough that he almost stumbled. “Corndicker, what you got for me?” Without another word, Liza took the forearm of the first young man, tall, blond, maybe in his early twenties, and sank her teeth in. He flinched only slightly; the collective gasp that arose was from the onlookers. Liza tried not to 72 Gherbod Fleming laugh—she hated when blood ran out her nose— but it was so like the courtly Kindred to be shocked…like she knew they would be. The two men were the refreshments for the evening, common vessels, but of course the prince should have enjoyed the ceremonious first sip. Liza wasn’t hungry, not after feeding on that vampire sap with Francesca and the Elephant Man, but this was almost as much fun as ripping apart muggers in the park would have been. She let go of the first man and grinned at the irate Horndiller, red splotches forming on his face. “Not bad,” she said as she winked and pinched the blond vessel’s ass. “And I like the Dixie cup.” Before Horndiller could form his indignant sputterings into words, Liza sank her teeth into the second man, stockier and more darkly complected than his counterpart.

She had drunk only a little when she felt a hand on her shoulder. Corndicker’s got more balls than I…but before she could finish the thought, she was spun roughly around, and to her shock, it was not Horndiller who held her. Instead, it was J. Benison Hodge, prince of Atlanta. Liza stumbled backward in surprise, but the prince’s iron grip held her upright, his fingers pressing down to the bone of her shoulder. He towered above her, his massive dark red beard inches from her face, his green eyes ablaze with more anger than Liza had ever seen in them. 

She tried to speak but The Devil's Advocate 73 could only wince at the pain as he squeezed her shoulder more tightly. The prince spoke in a low, throaty growl. “I offer hospitality, and you mock it.” The words were meant for her, but Hodge’s forceful baritone easily carried across the chamber to the onlooking Kindred, about whom Liza had very nearly forgotten. The prince released her shoulder and quickly drew back his hand to strike her backhanded across the face…but he stopped, spotless white glove raised, arm trembling with rage. His stiffened jaw forced his beard forward. “I will not tolerate this.”

Liza could do nothing but cringe at this awesome display of barely controlled ferocity. One swipe of his gloved fist would likely crush every bone in her face. She suddenly felt very young and weak and small confronted with this force of nature that was the prince. Benison took a deep breath, then slowly exhaled. Just as slowly, he lowered his arm. Not for one moment did his severe gaze release Liza from scrutiny. “For one year and one night, I do not want to see you, I do not want to so much as hear report of your name.” A savage, psychotic glint flashed across the prince’s fiery green eyes, as if he wanted to end it now, as if he wanted nothing more than to strike her down this instant for her affront to his honor, but the brief wavering passed, and though his wrath was undiminished, restraint held the day. “If I do, 74 Gherbod Fleming you will find final death.” The prince turned his back to her. “Begone.” It took Liza a second to realize that she had not been struck down, that he had not snapped her neck as surely he could have. She swallowed her wounded pride and slunk away

Then we switch over to Owain’s POV, who’s still thinking about the chess game he lost.

Owain probably had never been to a courtly function in a fouler mood. Three hundred years of strategy and planning abruptly catapulted to hell, he kept telling himself. It was not a misfortune he could lightly set aside and forget. How? How could it happen? Overconfidence? Carelessness? The art exhibit was hardly a sufficient distraction. At least it’s not one of those damnable prayer breakfasts. Prince Benison, through his contacts on the board of the High Museum, had commandeered this gallery to show the artwork of one of the Atlanta Kindred, Marlene. Marlene fancied herself something of a sculptor, and though she was Toreador, Owain did not feel that the term “art” accurately described her accomplishments. Apparently ceramics or clay were too subtle media; Marlene had taken to welding together various shapes and sizes of scrap metal and then attaching somewhat grandiose titles to the resulting monstrosities. What her work lacked in vision it certainly made up in magnitude. No mantlepiece The Devil's Advocate 75 collectibles in this portfolio.

Not a big lover of modern art is he? XD

As usual at these functions, Owain attempted to stay out of the way. There was much more to be learned from watching and listening than from taking a lead in most endeavors, a fact that Owain had learned well over his centuries of vampiric existence. And one that anarch rabble would do well to learn, Owain thought as Liza was shown the door. Her little outburst had been entertaining. Owain had to admit that, although he had been quite guarded in not displaying his amusement at the spectacle. She won’t live long confronting a prince that way. Owain was surprised by her brazen recklessness, her stupidity. There are more efficient ways to undermine a princes’ position, subtler ways, safer ways. Owain could only wonder if the prince’s treatment of her might have been more irreversibly detrimental had she had time to actually insult the “artwork.”

At the time of Liza’s little scene, Owain had been standing to a side of the room, near the Tremere chantry leader, reclusive Hannah. He was close enough that most passersby, assuming that he and Hannah were merely pausing in conversation, continued on without disturbing him, but not so close that he actually had to speak to the Tremere. Owain suspected that Hannah appreciated the arrangement as well, she not being one of the more socially ambitious Kindred in the city. For the most 76 Gherbod Fleming part, the only people who expressed more than the most passing of interests in speaking to Hannah were her Tremere lessers from the chantry. Several attempted to toady but quickly retreated having received nothing but coldly polite and formal responses

Owain also noticed that Chantry Mistress Hannah’s reaction to the anarch-prince confrontation was as muted as his own, only a slight wrinkling of her nose indicating her distaste. Owain himself was not a stickler for manners. Over the years he had come to see their value as a stabilizing factor in both mortal and Kindred affairs. He was not offended by the “affront to the prince’s honor.” Rather he was dismayed by the anarch’s idiocy. Owain shook his head thinking of her misguided actions. She wanted to embarrass him, to damage his reputation. 

But Hodge came out looking stronger than ever, and now she’s banished for a year and a night. Owain laughed to himself. A nice touch that—a year and a night. Hodge does have a flair for the dramatic. The duration of the punishment was a clear echo of the length of Arthurian quests—a year and a day. Owain was particularly enamored with the legends, as many of the earliest were of Welsh origin. It was clear to Owain that the prince saw himself as some type of crusading knight, protector of moral fortitude. It fit all too perfectly with the prince’s other derangements. 

No, Owain was not offended by Liza’s little show, unlike many of the other gathered Kindred who bought so completely into the aura of southern gentility that Hodge, his wife Eleanor, and his sire Aunt Bedelia so convincingly affected. To Owain etiquette was a means, not an end unto itself. It was sometimes the only keeper of civility between enemies, and more importantly it was a veil behind which to work deceit. That line of thought reminded Owain that there was business to be conducted this evening. Mostly he was biding his time, making sure to stay long enough not to insult the prince, but not so long as to seem to be attempting to ingratiate himself. Almost no vampire, Owain felt, was worth the time of a social engagement, and very few mortals or ghouls. But if he had to be here, he might as well get something accomplished.

Then Owain tends to some business but first he has a brief encounter with the Prince’s sire, Aunt Bedelia.

He scanned the room until he saw Benjamin, a fellow Ventrue but hardly a friend. As he moved to leave his safe haven near Hannah, however, Owain nearly stumbled over Aunt Bedelia in her antique wheelchair being ushered around the gallery by her childe the prince. “Goodness, J. Benison. Someone has stepped on me,” Aunt Bedelia chittered shrilly. “Who is that?” She squinted up through her half-moon spectacles in Owain’s general direction. Her heavy wool dress swallowed her frail form. “My apologies, Mother,” muttered the prince, 78 Gherbod Fleming gracious and mild-mannered now that civility was restored to the gathering. “This is Owain Evans.” Owain smiled dutifully. “Never heard of him.” “Of course you have, Mother,” Benison patiently reminded her. “He came from Europe during the Great War. He’s from Wales originally. He…” “Never heard of him,” Bedelia snapped, testily this time. 

The prince lowered his head and sighed. “Of course you haven’t, mother. Mother, I present to you Owain Evans, Ventrue of King Road, Atlanta. Mr. Evans, my sire Aunt Bedelia.” Bedelia held her left hand before her. Owain, standing to her right, glanced at the prince who was watching him expectantly, so he stepped around her, delicately took her hand, and kissed it. “The pleasure is all mine, Aunt Bedelia.” “Charmed, I’m sure.” Bedelia smiled sweetly, quite content now that she had been paid the proper respect; so content, in fact, that she had apparently fallen instantly asleep, her eyes closed now instead of squinted. She began to snore quietly. 

Benison was smiling broadly. “Always good to see you, Owain. Mother and I couldn’t be happier that you made it this evening. Enjoying the artwork?” Before Owain could answer, the prince glanced off to his left. “No, I don’t think we need to send any- The Devil's Advocate 79 one to follow her,” he said, answering a question that no one had asked. Then, without missing a beat, he was smiling at Owain again. Owain hesitated. This peculiar behavior was nothing new for Benison.

The prince waited a moment. “The artwork?” he asked again. “Oh yes,” Owain assured him. “I’ve seen nothing like it elsewhere.” Benison cuffed Owain on the shoulder and laughed heartily. “Good, good. Of course you haven’t. Our little Marlene is quite the artist.” “She is something,” Owain agreed. He wondered what else Marlene was to the prince that she should merit such patronage. Owain had it on good authority that the prince’s wife was no paragon of fidelity. Perhaps the indiscretion was reciprocated. Though few vampires retained any type of sexual desire, there were always other…displays of affection that a spouse might guard jealously. “Well, Mother and I must attend the other guests,” said the prince. “Always good to see you, Owain. Enjoy the exhibit.” 

At this, Bedelia perked up. Her gentle snoring ceased abruptly as she blinked herself awake. She squinted up at Owain as if she had just asked him a question and was expecting an answer. Owain, nodding respectfully at the prince, saw that Bedelia was still watching him expectantly. “A 80 Gherbod Fleming pleasure to see you, madame,” he offered. She continued staring at him, as if oblivious to his statement. “Have we met, young man?” Benison broke in quickly, “Well, Mother, here’s your favorite bridge partner, Hannah,” as he wheeled her away. “J. Benison, why didn’t you introduce us?” Bedelia was asking, but the prince continued on their way, greeting Hannah with great enthusiasm and seeming not to hear the protestations of his sire.

Owain gratefully slipped away. He always had gotten on fairly well with the prince. Both were warriors and, even though their wars were of different eras, there was a certain camaraderie in that. Aunt Bedelia was a different matter. Owain was sure her “forgetfulness” was merely an intended slight, a game meant to lessen him somehow. He shrugged off the encounter. Let the old hag pretend she doesn’t know me. I’d rather continue advising the prince than have her approval. Now where has Benjamin gotten to? Must have slipped into a side gallery.

He also skirted the main work of the exhibit, a behemoth of a piece consisting of three major chunks of curved and twisted metal The Devil's Advocate 81 with numerous smaller additions, suspended in its entirity from the ceiling by chains. It was a work Marlene had crafted several years ago titled “Benison’s Ride,” in honor of the prince’s purging of the Atlanta area of those anarchs and caitiffs who had not paid him the respect of announcing their presence to the court. Benison was quite fond of the piece and arranged for public viewings periodically for the edification of the Kindred in his domain. A vociferous Brujah had surmised that the sculpture was actually a representation of a whale spewing forth a Volkswagon. The prince felt otherwise. That particular Brujah no longer resided in Atlanta. Other colorful yet more discreet speculations had included but not been limited to: a severely disfigured head wearing a propeller hat, three falcons fornicating, and a ballet dancer engaged in projectile vomiting. At the original unveiling, Owain had limited his response to polite applause. 

Finally Owain finds Benjamin with the Prince’s wife Eleanor.

Benjamin, an African-American dandy with his impeccable Brooks Brothers suit, tidy short-cropped hair, and wirerimmed glasses, was relatively young in his undeath but there was power in his blood. Next to the prince’s wife Eleanor, he was ostensibly the most influential Ventrue in Atlanta. Owain tended to keep his distance from clan politics; he’d been there too many times before. The fewer everyday entanglements the better, he felt. Both Benjamin and Eleanor, however, held this detachment against Owain and regarded him with suspicion. If they only knew how much older and more powerful he was than they, they would fear him as well.

“Benjamin, we must speak,” Owain said as he approached. A young female, whose name escaped Owain at the moment, edged away from Benjamin with only a glare at Owain, a grudging display of deference to the elder. Benjamin frowned, the expression causing his glasses to slide down his nose. “Yes, Owain, how The Devil's Advocate 83 may I be of service?” he asked in a cool formal tone. Benjamin’s slight but noticable English accent always amused Owain. True, the young lawyer had studied for several years at Oxford, but after more than fifteen years back in the States such an acquired accent would normally have faded. Unless, of course, the bearer consciously chose to maintain it as an affectation, a vanity. Owain, after living in Wales, London, France, Spain, and now Atlanta, had studied language and made a concerted effort to acquire an almost accentless English that raised no eyebrows. Speech patterns could give all too much away about a person. Even his current name, “Owain Evans,” was a concession to the need to remain unobtrusive and seemed choppy and harsh in comparison to his original “Owain ap Ieuan.” “Owain?” Benjamin’s voice snapped Owain out of his woolgathering, a bad habit and one he’d been succumbing to increasingly of late. “How may I help you?”

Owain edged closer to his fellow Ventrue and spoke in a low voice that would not be overheard by the other Kindred milling about. “I need a favor, a simple thing really.” Benjamin regarded Owain skeptically but said nothing. “There is a certain case,” Owain continued, “that will be heard this week by Justice Chamberlain of the Superior Court. You know Justice Chamberlain?” Benjamin shrugged noncommittally as he pushed 84 Gherbod Fleming his glasses back up. “He’s an acquaintance.” “Ah. How fortunate. You see, this particular case involves a zoning dispute. Mercator Manufacturing has bought property near downtown with the intention of constructing a regional distribution center. Unfortunately, certain rather reactionary individuals, most notably the Citizens Empowerment Union, have taken it into their heads that such a project would not be a desirable addition to the area. Never mind the jobs it would bring. Never mind the investment in surrounding neighborhoods….” “Never mind,” Benjamin interrupted, unable to hold his tongue any longer, “that the jobs would be non-union minimum wage, or that the people would be working for an international corporation with a history of closing shop when standards of living rise to a point where workers demand raises, then relocating to centers of cheap foreign labor.”

Despite Benjamin’s refusal, since the whole thing is just basically wage slavery, Owain blackmails him into agreeing since he knows about his relationship with the Prince’s wife Eleanor. 

He loves Eleanor too deeply to harm her, but you…? I don’t think he would exercise such restraint in dealing with you.” 86 Gherbod Fleming A polite smile masked the venom of Owain’s words to any who might be watching. Owain stepped back. Benjamin could not hide his dismay, his shock, his fear. His every muscle was taut; his glasses slid down his nose again. “Now that I think of it,” Owain went on, “not only will Chamberlain uphold the rezoning, but the Georgia Supreme Court will refuse to hear the appeal.” He winked at the still speechless Benjamin. “I’ll be in touch.” Owain turned and left the side gallery laughing to himself at the expression on young Benjamin’s face. That should teach him some respect for his elders.

Yikes, Owain! But we knew that anyway,from when he killed his niece in las and her children. After being a really huge dick, Owain walks back to the main gallery and sees a wild scene unfolding.

Just as Owain entered the main gallery, a cacophony of gasps, exclamations, and laughter errupted. Owain saw why instantly. Atop “Benison’s Ride” perched Albert, the wiry, bearded Malkavian known to all Kindred in Atlanta. Completely naked. “On, Dasher! On, Dancer!” He rocked back and forth, in his own way reenacting the prince’s heroic ride as the massive metal sculpture wobbled precariously beneath him. Marlene, the self-proclaimed artist, had fainted dead away. The prince, doting over Aunt Bedelia at the other end of the gallery, his back turned, was quite oblivious to the evening’s second spectacle behind him. That was as much as Owain cared to see. He nonchalantly eased around the room—the oppo- The Devil's Advocate 87 site end from the prince—toward the elevator. Several Kindred were ordering Albert to dismount, but they were unwilling to risk breaking the sculpture by pulling him from his seat. As the elevator doors closed behind Owain, he could hear Albert singing, “Rollin’ rollin’ rollin, keep them dogs a-rollin’!” at the top of his lungs, the sculpted representation of the prince towering upward between his hairy legs like a giant scrap metal phallus. And then dead silence. Owain could picture the prince turning around. “Albert!” 

[erinptah]

The Secret Commonwealth review: It was...pretty underwhelming, mostly

Finally got the audiobook of The Secret Commonwealth checked out from my local library!

(Here’s my review of its predecessor, La Belle Sauvage, if you want to start there.)

It’s 20 hours long. Whoof.

As for the contents…look, it was well-written prose. I didn’t get bored while listening. (Rereading that last review, I realized I’d written the same thing about the previous book, too.) But in retrospect, there sure was not a lot that happened in those 20 hours. Some notable action bits, in between a lot of padding.

And my reactions mostly consist of…complaints. Not “this is hideous, time to ragequit the series, this is an unqualified anti-rec” complaints, more a low-level churn of frustration.

(There’s one scene I know has made someone else outright refuse to read it, though, and I think it’s totally reasonable. More on that later.)

So I’m gonna try to unpack a bunch of it here. Hopefully in enough detail that, if you haven’t read it yet (and don’t mind spoilers), it can help you make an informed decision about whether it’s worth spending 20 hours of your life on.

Spoilers start here!

The Story

We open with Lyra as a 20-year-old student at St. Sophia’s, a women’s college in Oxford. She’s made some kinda-friends, including former booty calls that she’s still on good terms with, but she’s badly estranged from Pantalaimon.

Their rift is exacerbated by a couple of books she’s read that are popular with young intellectuals lately. One is a philosophy book, one is a novel, both of them seem broadly Ayn Randian in the sense that “teens/college kids get really into these books and decide it’s smart and fashionable to adopt their moral framework, ignoring both the logical failures and the ways in which this turns you into a horrible person.”

She’s been staying at Jordan between semesters, but political drama forces her to move, and that’s when Oakley Street swoops in to make contact. They’re the secret Magisterum-thwarting spy organization that Hannah Relf worked for in La Belle Sauvage. Employees now include Alice Lonsdale and Malcolm Polstead, who fill Lyra in on the events of the previous book.

Lyra crashes at Malcolm’s parents’ inn for a bit, but her fighting with Pan gets so bad that he takes off, leaving a note. He’s going to confront one of the authors of the fashionable/terrible books — who lives in Germany, so this could take a while.

Since Lyra can’t just hang around and go through the motions of a normal life while her daemon is visibly missing, she takes off too. First on a detour to the Gyptians, then on a sorta meandering cross-continental journey of her own.

Along the way, both Lyra and Pan keep uncovering new details about this ongoing side plot:

It turns out there’s a place, I think somewhere in the Middle East, where daemons can’t go — same as the area in the North that witches use for separation ordeals. If a human crosses that area, they arrive at the growing-place of a type of rose that won’t grow properly anywhere else, whose oil has the same effect as the seed-pod sap used by Mary Malone in the mulefa world — you can use it to make a Dust-viewing lens.

This rose oil can also be used to make all kinds of super-cool products, like the World’s Best Perfume and the World’s Best Rosewater, so it’s valuable for lots of reasons. But a few researchers have caught on to the Dust-viewing power, and the Magisterium has caught on that some dangerous research is happening with roses, so they’ve started destroying every rosebush they can find in the general region — wreaking havoc with the global economy in the process.

(They’re also trying to convince the general population that God Says Roses Are Immoral now. If this book had come out 5 years ago, I could’ve made some great connections with “there’s widespread successful Magisterium propaganda about how nobody should like or respect the work of botanists.”)

And there’s a related plot where Lyra’s uncle (she actually has one! Mrs. Coulter had a brother!) is playing a long game to re-consolidate as much Magisterium power as possible under a single individual. It gets us some good dramatic sequences…which I feel no need to break down here, because they’re exactly the ones you would imagine, with exactly the outcome you’re already expecting.

One of Uncle Wannabe-Pope’s employees is Bonneville Junior, the son of the miniboss from La Belle Sauvage. He’s a trained alethiometrist, but is more interested in his personal vendetta against Lyra than his actual job. Takes after Dad in that he’s not very deep or complex, just a straightforward fun-to-hate villain.

Pan eventually makes his way to the Terrible Author’s home, where he discovers that things are weird and creepy, but not very specific. Doesn’t achieve anything in particular, either. Disheartened, he sets off for the Region of the Weird Roses, with the idea he’ll meet Lyra there.

Lyra, meanwhile, has a notebook they recovered from an explorer who went to the Region of the Weird Roses. It includes a list of other (non-witch) people across the world who’ve been separated, because apparently they’re more common than you’d think, and have a secret support network. So she visits a few of these people along her trip, with an endgame goal of Weird Roseville.

Malcolm also makes his own journey toward Weird Roseville. I think it was part of an Oakley Street investigation into “what does the Magisterium have against roses these days?” In the middle of it, Bonneville Junior confronts him (Junior is having trouble finding Lyra, but has a secondary vendetta against Malcolm for killing his dad, so this is almost as good). Malcolm talks him down.

At last Lyra, Pan, and Junior all hit the same “creepy deserted town in the general area of Weird Roseville.” But none of them manage to interact before the book ends.

…In my LBS review, I said it had serious middle-of-the-trilogy syndrome, a whole lot of setup for no payoff. TSC spends very little time following up on any of it. To be fair, the Original Trilogy has happened in the meantime and this book also tries to address some of the events from that, but the vast bulk of it is even more setup for no payoff.

Complaints, Broadly Organized By Theme, In Loosely Chronological Order

Lyra at St. Sophia’s:

I really like how the opening sequence involves Lyra noticing a friend is in distress and helping her out! (Friend’s dad is in the rose-using business, and his company is going under.) And then…that’s the last we see of any connections with female friends her own age. In the entire book.

One of the Terrible Rationalist Books is spreading the idea that “daemons are a collective hallucination.” This is not a “rational” idea in this world! It would be like saying that faces are a collective hallucination!

And Lyra is the least likely person in this world to buy into it, because she’s visited a world without visible daemons, and got empirical proof (via Will’s and John Parry’s separation ordeals) that even under those conditions, they still exist!

I can appreciate the idea of Lyra and Pan being traumatized and scarred and having trouble, but this, specifically, is a nonsensical thing for them to argue over.

The book also gestures (not very hard, thankfully) toward the idea that Lyra is doubting the existence of magic in general. Which, again, is the equivalent of someone from our world deciding it’s rational to doubt the existence of weather.

Also, it seems like Lyra/Pan haven’t had any contact with witch society through these years. Why not? If anyone’s going to have sympathy and understanding and support groups for their separation-related trauma, it’s the culture where every single member formally goes through the same thing! And I’m sure Serafina would be delighted to see them! But they don’t even consider the idea.

Lyra and Malcolm:

Yes, they’re being telegraphed as a future couple, and yes, it’s just as creepy and unappealing as the internet has been saying.

And, look, I’m not going to say “20-year-old Lyra is too young to date anyone she wants.” Not after we got through all of Original Flavor HDM without saying “12-year-old Lyra is too young to go on an interdimensional journey with no adult supervision and save the multiverse.”

But he was one of her teachers when she was 16, and his POV includes remembering how he had to actively shut down sexual interest in her then, and here in the present Lyra still thinks of him as kind of a distant authority figure, and that’s weird, okay?

They only have a couple days’ worth of actual interaction before being apart for the rest of the book. That’s not enough time to believably develop their dynamic into something believably-potentially-romantic. So the narrative doesn’t try.

…but it still has multiple people ask Malcolm if he’s in love with Lyra afterward.

The foreshadowing on Lyra’s side is all in how she keeps thinking about how similar he is to Will. (Cat daemon, killed someone when he was a tween, etc.) Because that’s what we all want for Lyra’s romantic future, a knockoff Will-substitute, amirite?

Separately: Malcolm and friends tell Lyra the whole backstory about the magical boat trip from La Belle Sauvage, but it doesn’t seem like she tells them anything about “that time I went on an interdimensional journey, built a group of allies from multiple worlds and species including literal angels, killed God, and permanently rewrote the nature of death.” I feel like that should’ve come up!

General daemon stuff:

There’s a moment in the early chapters when Pan, wandering alone at night, considers eating some small critter (the kind that an ordinary pine marten would eat). It’s not like he’s going through a species-identity crisis, either. It’s just written as…a thing a daemon might do. So that’s weird.

In the original series, daemon separation is a major, improbable ordeal. Under normal circumstances, a human and a daemon being dragged apart past their distance limit will just kill them. At Bolvangar they figured out a severance method that would leave you physically functional, but dead inside. Witch-style separation only happens at this special daemon-repelling place in the North (you don’t have to be a witch to use it, see John Parry, but they usually don’t tell non-witches it exists), or on the shores of the World of the Dead. So far, so good.

In this series, we find out that there’s another place on this Earth with the same daemon-repelling properties. It’s also remote and isolated and associated with Cool Weird Stuff (the cities in the Northern Lights vs. the Dust-revealing roses). Again, so far, so good.

…And then we find out that random people can just kinda do a separation ordeal anywhere. Okay, it already happened to Malcolm in La Belle Sauvage, but now it’s all over the place. Lyra keeps spotting people on the street without daemons! Pan teams up with a kid who got dragged apart from her daemon in a shipwreck, and it didn’t kill them! It’s too easy. It’s unsatisfying. It undercuts so much of the monumental feeling separation had in the original trilogy.

It also makes it even weirder that nobody was able to hook Lyra and Pan up with a support group. Oakley Street couldn’t suss it out? Her friends among the Gyptians couldn’t catch an underground rumor and pass it on?

Related: when we saw daemonless kids in The Golden Compass, they were treated like horror-movie monsters. Like zombies, ghosts, bodies walking around without heads. But when people clock Lyra as being daemonless here, they treat it like it’s something immoral. Like she’s walking around topless and needs to cover it up.

There’s just a general pattern of rewriting HDM’s established rules about daemons, and not for the better.

And speaking of rewriting established rules…general alethiometer stuff:

There is a New Method for reading the alethiometer. It involves pointing all three hands at the same symbol, which already seems like a gimmick, not a useful way to frame a question.

And somehow, that gets you the answers in the form of…magic visions. No intuition or interpretation needed! The sights and sounds just get funneled directly into your brain!

The reason this isn’t a Plot-Breaking Hack is because it makes the user super-queasy. You can only use it when you’re in a position to be sick afterward, and people would rather not use it at all.

Lyra spends most of the story with the alethiometer, and without all the symbology books that go with it. She avoids using the New Method because of the nausea, but she also avoids using the Classic Method, on the grounds that it apparently can’t get her anything without the books.

She’s been studying these books for years now! Couldn’t she at least try to read it, and make her best guess at the interpretation? Maybe sometimes she gets it right, maybe sometimes she’s wrong and things go sideways and she realizes in hindsight which of the symbols she misread, maybe sometimes she gives up and gets depressed and puts it away without drawing a conclusion at all…but nope, she just flat-out doesn’t interact with it.

Midway through the book, Lyra gets a tipoff about a kind of truth-reading cards. That’s fine; we know there are other methods of truth-reading in the multiverse, including the I Ching and Mary Malone’s computer. Makes sense as a new tidbit of worldbuilding.

But towards the end of the story, someone helpfully gifts Lyra a deck of the cards. And she spends some time trying to infer answers from how the pretty pictures on the cards fit together. More time than she spends trying to infer answers from how the pretty pictures on the alethiometer fit together.

The alethiometer didn’t need a New Method or a total replacement in the narrative…but apparently it’s getting them.

And what was the point of Lyra dedicating herself to studying those symbols, for years, if she can get better and more-accurate data from a set of symbols she’d never seen before until this week?

Pan’s international voyage:

This all started when Pan got the idea that Terrible Author had “put a spell on Lyra and stolen her imagination.” Which sounds like a figure of speech at first, but no, apparently Pan thinks this guy is literally magic.

And yet, somehow, not magic enough to be dangerous, even for a single lone daemon whose only plan is “confront him directly and demand that he fix it”?

Most of the trip is uneventful, since it’s a long string of Pan successfully keeping out-of-sight.

There’s one clever part where, once he’s in Terrible Author’s hometown, he finds a school for the blind to ask for information. That way he can say “my girl is totally standing right over there, don’t worry about it, now, any chance you know where Terrible Author lives?”

…of course, the first person he asks has exactly the right answer and is happy to share. Convenient, that.

As mentioned, Terrible Author’s setup is suitably creepy and off-putting, but Pan doesn’t figure out anything about why. Doesn’t investigate. Didn’t come up with any kind of plan beforehand about how to coax Terrible Author into undoing his evil spell. Pan just confronts him, demands he fix Lyra, realizes this hasn’t fixed Lyra, and leaves.

There’s a bombshell much later on when Lyra finds out that Terrible Author is separated! And, although there’s a daemon who hangs around with him, they don’t actually belong to each other! This is fascinating and disturbing and would’ve been so much more satisfying if, you know, Pan had figured this out and was actively trying to bring the information to Lyra. Or, heck, if anything had been done with it at all.

Shortly afterward, Pan runs into this girl who just happens to be separated from her daemon, and is available and happy to team up with Pan, so they can head off to Weird Roseville together. Convenient. Again.

Lyra’s Bogus Journey:

Lyra has a much harder time staying out of sight than Pan, so she gets a lot more interaction along her trip.

Most of it is a long string of the same convenient “running into people who are helpful and friendly and have exactly the information she needs to move the plot along.” (More details on that below.)

When this happened in the original trilogy, it was the alethiometer deus-ex-machining her in the right direction, which worked! But here it seems to keep happening by accident. (She brings the alethiometer, but, as mentioned, she doesn’t use it.)

The Conveniently Helpful People also keep telling her (with minimal prompting, and what seems like total honesty?) whole backstories. All of which are more interesting than the actual narrative she’s going through.

They also occasionally mention God/the Authority, and Lyra doesn’t have much of a reaction. I wish, just once, she had snapped “it doesn’t matter what the Authority thinks! Or rather, what he used to think, since my boyfriend and I killed him when we were 12!”

The convenience also could’ve worked if Oakley Street agents were being cool and clever and actively tracking her journey in order to help. She does run into a few of them, but that seems to be by accident too.

And it could’ve worked if there was other magic steering her along — she keeps dropping the phrase “the secret commonwealth,” meaning the world’s hidden population of faeries and other supernatural creatures — but as of the end of the book, none of Lyra’s friendly helpers have been revealed to be anything other than human. (Some are modified in exotic ways, but they were human to start with, at least.)

Even farther towards the end of the book, after this long string of people being Conveniently Helpful For No Reason, she ends up in a train car with…and I wish I was making this up…a bunch of soldiers who are Inconveniently Attempted Rapists For No Reason.

That record-scratch moment your brain just did? That’s how it feels in the book, too. The attack comes out of nowhere, there’s suddenly a big action sequence with Lyra fighting back, their CO shows up and makes them let her go, and then she leaves the train and heads almost directly to the next bunch of Conveniently Helpful People.

If anyone wants more detailed spoilers, either to be prepared before reaching the scene or to decide whether you’ll read it at all, let me know.

To be blunt about one thing: from the in-scene descriptions I would’ve said none of these guys actually managed to get their dicks out, but a few days later we get the book’s first and only reference to Lyra having periods. And she doesn’t think “oh, thank republic-of-heavens, I’m not pregnant,” which suggests she knew it wasn’t a risk, but the whole Narrative Reason you write that in after an assault scene is because someone is afraid it’s a risk, so, what are you even doing, Pullman??

Okay, switching tracks.

Some of the people Lyra encounters, usually with personal stories that are way more interesting, and I wish they’d been [part of] the actual main plot:

A guy who meets her at a train station, says he has a friend who needs her help, leads her out into a maze of city streets where she explicitly thinks about how risky this is because she’s totally lost…but she does the mission and it’s fine and he leads her right back to the train station afterward.

The friend is a human who’s been modified by “a magician” to be some kind of fire-elemental person, and wants Lyra to help find his daemon, who was modified into a water-elemental form — a mermaid! This is cool and fascinating and scary and raises so many questions —

— and they get killed immediately after Lyra reunites them, and we never find out anything more about it.

The killer is the magician, who had been holding the water-sprite daemon captive. (And is possibly also the guy’s father? Finally, someone who can beat Marisa and Asriel in a “Bad Parenting Juice” drinking contest.) Which, again, is fascinating and evocative — how do you become a magician? Or are they born, like the witches? How many are there? What kinds of things are they doing in the world? —

— yeah, we don’t find out anything about that either.

Murderous Magician Dad just gives Lyra some helpful plot information, then sends her and the train-station guy off on their way.

A couple of guys who intervene when Lyra is being harassed at a bar.

They steer her outside, she’s prepared for a fight, but they hold up their hands and say they’re friendly, and also, they noticed someone steal the alethiometer bag off her earlier, so here, would she like it back?

They give her some helpful rumors, too. Don’t remember which specific ones, but they lead her to the next plot point.

A rich elderly princess who’s on the Daemonless International Support Group list, because her daemon fell in love (!) with another woman (!!) and eventually ran off with her (!!!).

Lyra thinks to herself that she’s seen other situations where a daemon and their human have different feelings about a romance. Just thinks it in passing, and then it’s gone. I want to see these situations! I want on-page exploration of multiple ways they can work! How do they correspond to the feelings of people in worlds where all the daemons are internal?

As for the princess, I already knew it was going to be a big scandal — two human women in that day and age could never be a couple, at least not in public, and A Literal Princess is a very public figure —

but then, in spite of the scandal, the princess moves in with the woman! And they travel together, they work together, they share a bed, she explains to Lyra that she played the role so thoroughly she made herself fall in love with the woman!

…and then it falls apart for some reason, and the princess leaves, but her daemon insists on staying. So that’s how they get separated. Deliberately walking away from each other.

There’s a brief reference to the idea of him wishing he was the other woman’s daemon, instead of the princess’s. How does that work? How do you get so disconnected from yourself, and in such a skewed partial-match with someone else, that you end up with that kind of yearning?

In case you can’t tell, I want to read this novel. I would trade the entirety of The Secret Commonwealth for this novel. No question, hands down.

Instead: Princess says “if you run into my daemon, tell him I’d like to see him again before we die?” Lyra says “sure, can do, thanks for the brunch.” And then, you guessed it, that whole scene is over and done with and we never get any follow-up on it again.

A pair of agents from Oakley Street, who say “hey, Lyra, have you considered using some basic disguise techniques, like dyeing your hair and wearing glasses?”

And then they give her a lovely haircut and a dye job and a spare pair of fake glasses.

This isn’t anywhere near the beginning of Lyra’s journey, by the way! This is more than 80% of the way through the book. There’s no special reason she needs it more after this point.

It’s like Pullman suddenly realized a disguise might help, wrote the scene at the point he had reached, and then never went back and edited to put it in a more meaningful location.

The stranger on a train who shows Lyra the deck of “exactly the same as an alethiometer” cards, gives her a demonstration of how to use them, and then leaves the whole deck behind for her to keep.

A married couple who don’t share any languages in common with Lyra, and don’t seem to have a lot of money…but feed her and let her stay at their house overnight, for free, even daemonless as she is. They also give her a free niqab so she can move around less conspicuously (she’s still injured from the fight with the soldiers).

A priest who invites her into his church, isn’t bothered when she takes off the niqab, helps treat her injuries, and gives her a motherlode of useful details about highly-illegal dealings he’s not even supposed to know about, but will unveil to this total stranger who just wandered in, because she needs them for the next plot point.

This when Lyra finds out that someone in this region has resurrected the Bolvangar method. But this time they aren’t kidnapping random children for it. No, they’re paying for it. If you’re poor enough, and desperate enough, and can’t spare any more kidneys, these people will buy your daemon to sell on the black market.

The city has a whole secret underclass of illegally-severed people working in the sewers.

Meanwhile, rich people who’ve been deserted by their daemons can purchase a stand-in. This is what Terrible Author did. Of course, it’s not a true replacement, but the dealers boast about their ability to make an excellent match.

There are also people who buy separated daemons for other scientific/experimental purposes. Details left to our imaginations.

This is a horrifying sinister mindblowing discovery, as much of a bombshell as the original Bolvangar was. I mean, it would’ve hit harder if Lyra had uncovered it by spying, or tricking someone into revealing the information, or anything more elaborate than “asking straightforward sorta-related questions and getting this whole sordid story infodumped by the first guy she asked,” but it’s still big.

So it’s gonna shake things up something fierce, right? Maybe Lyra won’t go full-on “calling in the cavalry to tear the place down” until Book 3, but this would be her new “stepping through the doorway into the sky” moment — where the horror of what she’s learned galvanizes her into making a pivotal decision, where she starts laying the groundwork for the revolution —

— no, of course not, this is where she starts going around to the hideouts of various undercover daemon-sellers and asking if they can help her find Pan.

Come on.

And this brings us to the end of the book. One of the black-market daemon-sellers guides Lyra to the creepy abandoned town where the final scene takes place.

In these last moments, the audience (but not Lyra) finds out that this guy has ulterior motives. Which would make it the first time in the whole book when “Lyra or Pan takes a Conveniently Helpful Person at face value with total credulity” turns out to be a bad idea.

(And, I mean, he’s a black-market daemon-seller. If anyone on that list was obviously an unethical scumball who shouldn’t be counted on….!)

Finally, a few things that don’t fit into any neat lists, but annoyed me enough to mention:

1) People curse in this book. Which is notable because they didn’t in HDM, and it wasn’t just the adults watching their mouths around tween Lyra — we got plenty of scenes that only had people like Mrs. Coulter and Lord Asriel in them. Those two would definitely be dropping f-bombs if it was a routine part of their world’s language, and this book reveals that it is.

So every time it happens it breaks your immersion, pointedly reminding you “this isn’t a real world, it’s a fake story where the author can switch the profanity-filter on and off at will.” Does it enhance the narrative in a way that’s worth the tradeoff? I don’t think so.

2) Before I read the book, I’d heard vague spoilers about “a character with a mermaid daemon,” and figured it was someone from a cool magical species — hopefully more expansion/exploration on the fairy from La Belle Sauvage whose daemon appeared to be “a whole flock of butterflies.”

But no, it’s a magically-modified human. His situation doesn’t get explored that deeply before he dies, or connect with anything else in the story. The fairy, meanwhile, does get mentioned when Malcolm tells Lyra about meeting her, but she doesn’t reappear or get any kind of follow-up.

In spite of the title, the only explicit appearance of any members of the “secret commonwealth” is some little glowing spirits, basically wights, that Lyra watches over the side of a gyptian boat one time.

3) There’s a scene where a bunch of people gather in a meeting hall to protest the Magisterium sabotaging their various rose-related livelihoods. A couple Magisterium reps are there. Malcolm is also there, and his POV basically goes “huh, looks like all the exits have gotten the doors shut. And barred. And suddenly they each have an armed Magisterium agent standing in front of them. That’s weird. Gonna keep quietly observing to find out what happens next.”

This guy is supposed to be a cool experienced anti-Magisterium spy! This is basically a giant neon sign flashing COMING UP NEXT: MASSACRE! (It is not a misdirect, either.)

And Malcolm sees it, but doesn’t read it, or take any action to try to subvert it, or even move to defend himself — it’s just like any cheesy horror movie where the audience is shouting LOOK BEHIND YOU at the unwitting character who’s about to get murdered.

Wrap-Up Thoughts

Whatever happens in the final volume of this trilogy, it might reveal things that redeem some of the problems in this book. But I’ll be honest, I’m not holding my breath.

And when I think about reveals that would address these problems, everything I come up with is stuff that should’ve just been in this book.

For example: let’s say the Fair Folk are directly involved after all, intervening to steer Lyra and Pan down the most convenient paths. In particular, the guy on the train who only appears long enough to give Lyra a set of alethiometry cards + a tutorial on how to use them — I really want him to be Fae. It’s so contrived and random if he’s not.

But the readers should know about it! Back in HDM, we would get scenes about the plans and activities of all the other factions at work. It might take a while to discover the exact details of (for example) the witches’ ultimate goal that Lyra was part of, but we knew they had a goal, and were supporting her in service of it. If the Secret Commonwealth is actively involved in the plot, we should’ve gotten that by now.

Semi-related: I feel like, if the rest of the book was better, then I’d have no trouble explaining a lot of the Lyra-specific issues as “she’s super-depressed, not in a place to make great choices or take a lot of decisive action.”

But it’s not like she’s drifting around in a trauma fog that hampers her ability to get things done. Her journey, while not perfect or threat-free, still comes together with improbable smoothness — as if the writing hasn’t noticed that she’s not being proactive and prescient and well-coordinated and overall super-competent about it. Meanwhile, other characters are underwhelming in the same way. (Looking at you, Malcolm “I Can’t Believe It’s Now a Bloodbath” Polstead.)

So it doesn’t seem like a conscious narrative choice to write Lyra this way. It just seems consistent with the complaints I have about everything else in the writing.

…let’s be honest, I’m almost certainly gonna read the third book anyway. I’m enough of a completist that it’ll bother me not to, I don’t have a lot of hard-stop dealbreakers that would make me bow out anyway, and, well, I do a lot of work that requires time-passing listening material. The Secret Commonwealth is nowhere near the most-frustrating audio I’ve used to fill that time.

But it hasn’t left me excited or optimistic or Shivering With Anticipation, either.

Mostly I just anticipate getting some useful stuff done while I listen, and then having a final set of reactions to work through in another one of these posts.

[clancysinferno]

here is my rundown of Bandito Minneapolis, it might be emotional, annnd I was super fucking lucky so i dunno. it was amazing so here we go. 

+After the M&G, we went and lined up, it was about 5:15 and doors were at 6:30. A bunch of people were already in the venue because something like the first 100 got let in early but I was literally floating from having just shook Josh and Tyler’s hands so I didn’t care. 

+There was a big line down by the doors and then a line up the escalator that was the spillover from that so our line was fairly short but we had no idea where other people might be lining up or what exactly was going on.

+Hannah went and bought us merch which was right down the escalator, apparently she was like spilled her guts about meeting them to the merch guy hahah

+I went about figuring out who we were giving our extra tickets to(We both won the contest so we each had two tickets to give away), I ended up giving them to like exactly who I had said I wanted to give them to originally. Two teenagers from the theater company my brother runs who are big Twenty One Pilots fans. They messaged and asked and I told them as long as they were here before we went into the arena they could have them. They were so thankful and sweet and we met up with them and they were just so cute and I was happy to give them away, I wished they had been better seats for them but you know.

+Eventually the line started moving and we went in. We went for the least populated part of the pit. We were about eight “rows” back to start standing behind a dad and his 12 year old daughter. We immediately made friends with them, they were so funny and cute. 

+Waited, waited, waited.

+Misterwives was really good, the lead singer was so hot I had an immediate crush.

+They came on RIGHT at nine and the crowd shifted and we got pushed up a lot. The dude to my right was  A LOT taller than me and super nice, I kept bumping him when I was trying to see so he let me move in front of him and bring Hannah right next to me. he was so sweet. 

+I LOVED the new intro into Jumpsuit. I have it on video so I might post it but it was SO good. I loved Josh alone on stage with the torch and Tyler’s body double stunt thing but this new one was so them

+The flower petal confetti. The. Flower. Petal. Confetti. The flower petal confetti. 

+Leaning back and letting them just wash over me literally changed my life. It felt so good.

+Heavydirtysoul hit DIFFERENT. It was SO fucking good. 

+Loved all the plaid visuals for The Hype and the video of the fans was so cute. It was fun to watch the people around us recognize themselves from earlier. 

+This whole time we were getting closer and closer. A couple moved or left so we just filled the space and kept moving forward. We literally could not believe out luck at all.

+CANT. HELP. FALLING. IN. LOVE. 

+We literally couldn’t believe it. he started playing it and Hannah was liek “OH MY GOD CARLYN” and I was like “What? This is norm-” and then I was like HOLYSHIIIIIIT and it was so good and pretty and ughhhhh<3

+We danced with some cool people during Lane Boy, Stressed Out and Heathens...and then things got nuts. 

+I barely heard Nico and the Niners because the pit got SUPER squished during the Nico walk. Like intensely squished. Like cannot move, can barely breath, pressed in at ALL sides. 

+I am not a fan of the Nico walk partially for this reason and it made it so I couldnt turn to even TRY to see the B-stage. Admittedly the girl behind me made that impossible too because she was leaning back into me so she could film annnd yeah that sucked. 

+I did dance to Smithereens and Bandito with this awesome girl next to me. Multiple people had to get out of the pit because they were fainting or dehydrated. It was fucking crazy. Mostly people were REALLY good about getting water to people or helping them get out. I felt okay because i knew there would be relief later. 

+Could not enjoy migraine as much as I wanted but it was still wonderful.

+Second half of Pet Cheetah popped off. It was fucking crazy, Tyler was so cool and Josh was NUTS. 

+Tyler kept teasing us about the score of the Vikings football game and we were all “haha jokes on you, none of us care.” 

+At this point Hannah and I were like four rows away and it was starting to sink in that we would be RIGHT in front of drum island if not holding it. 

+We thought momentarily Tyler was going to HOTY on Josh’s side but he went to his regular side. I didn’t get to see the backflip because I couldnt see like...at all at that point and I didn’t want to watch through my camera which was a mistake because I couldn’t see otherwise but I did get it on film. Tyler brushed off Josh’s shoes for him, it was cute.

+Fall Away changed my life, his voice...it was fucking incredible. I never thought I’d see that one live and it just felt so special, he sounded so incredible. It was truly something. I got the whole thing on video because I’m obsessive. Also I wrapped nearly the whole second verse and i was v proud

+They did stupid dances with Misterwives during Cut My Lip, Tyler doing the can-can was my favorite. 

+I openly wept for the first time during the beginning of Ride. Literally tears streaming down my face. It was so beautiful and it broke my heart and it was SO good. 

+Before the bridge of Ride he said thank you about giving them our time etc etc and then he was like “Enough for this sap” (like sahpP) and then he went “its ironic i say that right before the sappiest bridge ever” 

+My Blood, always good.

+Morph...oh...Drum Island. I was convinced we would never be close enough to touch the drums or hold Josh or anything because of how late we had lined up but some kind of luck was on our side because we  were RIGHT there in front of him, I had to crane my neck to look at him and I got it all on video and he makes THE BEST faces while he drums. SO SEXUAL. It was like...it shouldnt be ALLOWED. I held the edge of the drumset for like just a little bit. It was so good. I just cant even believe it. I just kept screaming “OH MY FUCKING GOD! OH MY GOD!” Afterwards

+Josh is just so fucking talented, hes SO talented. I couldn’t keep my eyes off of him, he really was..so good. 

+Car Radio was beautiful and meaningful of course. When Tyler was climbing in the back I stared at Josh and he kept pointing towards where Tyler was with his drumstick and it was so wholesome. I cried again.

+Chlorine was...so good. It popped off in the beginning and then the end was just Tyler singing “Can you build my house with pieces, I’m just a chemical” over and over and over all soft 

+I cried during Trees too. The beginning was beautiful. He promised new music and asked if they could come back and play to us soon and my heart was just breaking but not for long because they were bringing out the platform and drums and again Josh was going to be DIRECTLY in front of me. It was so beautiful and just giving covered in confetti and watching him drum and just be RIGHT there was so nice and I’m running out of words but i dont know. it was all so beautiful. I loved it. Every second. I feel like I really experienced every second. 

I’ll post some pictures soon. <3<3