#this was so incredibly fun for me!!!

[dvar-trek]

if you could like, claw machine lift one hockey boy from any team to any other team who would it be and why

ohhhhhhhhh my god this is the best question i have ever been asked and i'm frothing at the mouth i'm so fucking excited to answer it. okay. okay.

please understand in advance that this is almost entirely due to how fun/funny this would be TO ME.

i want connor mcdavid on the washington capitals.

listen. listen. okay, so as you know, connor mcdavid is the best active hockey player in the world (there are very few reasonable arguments otherwise). he has also been carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders since he was like five years old, and plays for a team that is sosososo cursed (wayne gretzky laid a curse deep upon the bones of the earth of edmonton when he left). and also he lives in that cursed monochrome house that you hate. tragic little man.

he loves to be pushed around (physically) (affectionately) by his teammates and he loves to be chirped (ribbed) by his teammates because it makes him feel like they see him as "one of the guys".

AND SO, i think it would be sooooo good and fun for him to be on the washington capitals. the captain is ovi (greatest goal scorer in the world, enormous, exhuberantly affectionate, has carried the weight of being The Greatest on a very cursed team, has been villified by the media (for ??? having? fun? how very dare he)). so first of all, he will have a captain who Gets It, and who is always making sure that everyone is having fun, experiencing the full force of his joy, and staying silly with it. second of all, everyone on the caps is already used to playing with a living legend. they will very quickly become comfortable treating connor mcdavid like one of the guys. the caps also already have a player named connor mcmicheal, who they call "the best connor mc- in the league" and so they can start calling mcdavid "the second-best connor mc- in the league" and i think he will find this Highly enriching.

as you also know (i think), the caps loooove to push each other around, have the horniest pre-game rituals in the league (all the spanking videos are this team), and just sort of generally cannot fucking stop touching each other. very much a team that is like "We FUCKING Love Each Other." and you're like oh, they actually clearly really mean that. so it will also be really good for him to have an entire team of horny affectionate freaks to push him around.

bonuses: 1. he will get more sunshine in DC than in edmonton (every hockey needs this). 2. he will still of course be in the spotlight, but will be away from the Full Force of canadian hockey media.

minuses: his ex (homoerotic codependent teenage best friend) is on the capitals, and is one of my most beloved little guys. i don't want my little guy to have to deal with all that. it will, however, be very entertaining for all of us.

IN CONCLUSION, pleasepleaswplrwse let me put connor mcdavid on the capitals. for! the! bit!!!!

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Must be a Sugondese joke.

[cozyjo]

Alex Hirsch talking about why he couldn't be at The Art Department Eindhoven irl, he slipped a disc and boy did he come prepared to talk about it jdjdhshs

also an image that now exists: bill cipher breaking alex hirsch's back

[xxplastic-cubexx]

something about first impressions idk

bonus:

[inkskinned]

there are a lot of posts out there that are positive and healthy coping mechanisms for handling the holidays. this is not one of them :)

i think there's like. going to be times in your life you will be stuck in a social situation that you cannot escape from gracefully. i do not know why the internet doesn't believe these times exist. it's not always just that your physical safety is at risk - sometimes it's legit like "i just don't currently have the energy or time to put in the effort of responding to this." sometimes it's a coworker you hate so much. sometimes it's just like, fine, you know? like you know you can handle your aunt when she's cheerily horrible, but if you actually set a boundary around her, it's going to be weeks of fallout with your father.

i don't know why people think the answer is always just "cut them out!" or "don't let them get away with that!" because ... the real world is tricky and complicated. i think kind of a lot of us have an internal "radiation poisoning" meter for certain people. like - i'm talking about the ones who are absolutely giving you gradual ick damage. like, you can handle them, but you'll be exhausted.

and yes. you absolutely should listen to your therapist and the good posts about handling others and set good boundaries and take care of yourself. prioritize peace.

HOWEVER :) ...... since im often in a situation with a Gradual Sense of Ick person i cannot just "cut out" of my life (without losing someone else precious to me) - i have sort of developed the most. maladaptive form of mischief possible. because like, if i'm going to have to listen to this shit again, i like to have a little bit of private fun with it.

now! again, i am physically safe, just mentally drained by this man. you should only do this with people you are not in danger with. which leads me to my suggestions for when your Unfortunate Acquaintance shows up and says oh everyone pay attention to me.

my favorite word is "maybe!" said as brightly and happily as possible. whenever the Horrible Person starts in on a topic you do not want to go further with, particularly if they make a claim that you know to be inaccurate, do not respond to it. you and i have both tried to actually argue with this person, and it hasn't gone well, because this person just wants the drama of an argument. however, "maybe!" gives them literally nothing to go on. it is incredibly disarming. they are used to people having some response. they know they can't prove what they're saying, and maybe! treats them like the child they are. it dismisses them in the politest way possible.

i like to say maybe! and then, in their stunned silence, immediately change the subject. this is because i have adhd and i will have something unrelated to talk about, but if you can't think of topics fast enough, i recommend just pointing to something and saying, "isn't that lovely?" because fuck you let's bring in some positivity.

by the way. that second trick - of pointing to something and stating an opinion about it? - that just works on its own, like, 70% of the time. i picked it up from teaching preschoolers. it's an intentional "redirect". it stops children crying and it also stops grown adults from finishing their explanation on why women belong in kitchens. dual wielding!

keep it silly for yourself. i absolutely do not care if people think i'm fucking stupid (it's more fun if they do) and as a result i will purposefully misunderstand things just to see how long it takes them to realize i've completely removed them from the subject at hand. when they say "women aren't funny" i get to be like. "which women." "all women." "all women in america?" "no in the world." "like the mole people? the people in the world?" "what? no. like, alive." "oh are we not counting the mole people?" "what the fuck are you talking about." "you don't believe in the mole people?"

similarly, i play a personal game called "one up me." my Evil Acquaintance literally knows this game exists (my family & friends caught onto it and now also play it) and it always fucking gets him. i don't know why. you have to be willing to be a little free-spirited on this one, though. the trick is that when they make one of those horrible little bigoted or annoying comments they are always making, you need to go one unit weirder. not more intense, mind you - just more weird. "you don't look good in that dress." "yeah, actually, my other dress was covered in squid ink due to a mishap at the soup store." "you shouldn't wear such revealing clothes." "wait, what? oh shit. sorry, your son tears off strips when no one is looking and eats them. i swear it was longer before we left the building."

the point of "one up me" is to completely upend this person's narrative. we both know this person likes setting up situations where you cannot "win" and then they really like telling other people how badly you handled it. in a usual situation, if you respond "please don't say something that rude", you're a bitch. but if you let it happen, you're letting yourself be debased. they are not usually expecting door number three: unflappably odd. because what are they going to say when they're telling everyone how badly you behaved? "she said my son eats her dresses" ".... okay?"

if you can, form an allyship with someone whomst you can tagteam with. where they can pick up on your weird "soup store" story and run with it.

the following phrase is amazing and can be deployed for any situation: "oh, be nice :) it's the holidays!" i do not know why this works as often as it does. i'll say it for the most random shit. i think this is bc most of the time these people know they're being impolite, they just like to fight.

godbless. when in doubt, remember that you could always start stealing their pens.

the whole point of this is - if you can't escape. maybe see how long you can just be. like. a horrible little menace.

[axiliern]

stoner tim drake shitpost number 6093749394

[buttercupbuck]

"you know, my therapist says everyone needs a safe space, a place where you can fully be yourself"

[image description: 2 large gifs of evan buckley and eddie diaz from 9-1-1.

gif 1: from season 6 episode 12. in the diaz home, eddie (out of frame) watches buck sleep on his couch, his arm draped across the sofa.

gif 2: from season 7 episode 5. at buck's apartment, the camera pans as eddie, holding his phone, turns to face buck as buck rounds the corner of his kitchen island.

/end ID]

[connorsok]

before I played Disco Elysium, I thought Harry du Bois was a co-worker in the precinct you work at and, reading about him being such a fucked up guy, I was literally planning on avoiding him as much as possible in my playthrough... colour me surprised when I found the badge and found out the main character's name

[inspisart]

dick took the news that a strange thirteen year old broke into his apartment while he was away at the circus pretty well, I gotta say

[smileytriceratops]

watching leverage is truly a "giggling and kicking my feet" experience for me personally. it's genuinely such a fun show with such fun and compelling characters that i can't help but grin like an idiot at my screen when they do barely anything

[egophiliac]

so on the subject of the "Crowley is secretly Revaan/Laverne/Levin/please Twst give us his name" theory, I think my feelings are best summed up as "I don't really buy it, but it's funny". like, in all seriousness, I'm not opposed to it; I have enjoyed the writing in Twst so far and I'm willing to trust that whatever happens will, you know, make sense and not be terrible. but I'm just not really convinced by the current evidence! maybe that'll change once we learn more, we'll see!

with that said, may I propose a few alternate theories about the possible Crowley/Revaan connection:

[vaguely-concerned]

the fact that irving canonically survives through the end of asunder to be at wynne's funeral is so fucking funny to me. nothing but love and respect for MY unstoppable cockroach morally grey machiavellian mage dad!!! he's survived in his position through multiple attempted rites of annulment and blood mage plots popping up left right and center around him. the chantry keeps trying to stamp him out but his dodge game is simply out of this world, divine. civil wars, political machinations and minefields, chantry atrocities, this wily old motherfucker is dodging and weaving his way through it all, not-quite-no-hits-taken-running-it-but-honestly-close-enough-under-the-circumstances style. if solas does succeed in tearing down the veil I would fully believe that one of the like three people still alive at the end of it all would be a very weary 90 year old first enchanter irving going 'oh this shit again huh'. the maker has cursed him for his hubris and his paperwork is never finished (affectionate, it's fine he canonically loves paperwork)

[mayasaura]

I don't wanna further hijack that poor poll, but the thing about Harrow's schizophrenia is that it's canon. The author has confirmed it, and shared that it's based on her own experience.

It's a pretty obscure bit of canon, so of course there's no shame in not already knowing, but that's why I'm so obnoxiously persistent about letting people know.

Whatever else is up with Harrow, autism or cptsd or any number of likely headcanons, she is also schizophrenic. I feel like that's too important to be handwaved away as a difference of opinion.

[crumb-crumblet-s-crumbington]

hi wintersberg nation

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Do you like sci-fi and indie animation? Check out Monkey Wrench!

[thekaiserroll]

I have to brag a little

I'm working on a wintersberg fanart and I think this is the prettiest Heisenberg I've ever drawn. None of my Heisenbergs looked this good. I'm so proud of this one.