#this was really fun and a nice little break

[venomhound]

Hazbin Hotel - Morning Routines

Kind of a part 2 to the Sleeping Habits Post??? While that one is about falling asleep with them, this one is about what its like to wake up with them. Same lineup; Alastor, Vox, and Lucifer. I... also might have accidentally started a Charlie one so I might be doing more parts to these (｡ŏ_ŏ)

Contents/WARNINGS: Gender neutral reader; NSFW in Vox's section; mostly just nuclear powered fluff; somebody PLEASE get Lucifer a doctor the man is so depressed (18+), MDNI, NSFW below the cut ˋˏ✄┈┈┈┈

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Alastor ₊˚ ‿︵୨୧

As gone over in my sleeping habits post, Alastor does not like sharing a bed normally. But if it does happen to be a blue moon and he actually stayed the whole night; it is a sight to behold in the morning.

Alastor's hair is naturally curly. Due to internalized racism (from you know, the 1920s), Alastor insists his hair must be straight and has a crazy hair routine to keep it that way. One of many reasons why his hair is so... gnarly looking.

Right after he wakes up in the mornings though, his bedhead breaks through the illusion. You get to see the glorious sight of Alastor's hair attempting to go back to its natural form. The edges of his locks are making small loops in all directions, and his face is framed in loose ringlets.

Unfortunately, this only lasts for about ten minutes at most before he goes to "fix" it.

Other then getting to see that beautiful sight, the mornings are the same regardless of if he stayed in the bed with you or not; You always get to wake up to his wonderful cooking.

Alastor has unfortunately had to take it upon himself to be the hotel chef. Charlie did try to do it for a little bit, but that resulted in more fires and ambiguous remains then anything. Vaggie and Husk can barely operate a microwave. Nifty is well... Nifty.

So Alastor pops into the hotel kitchen at around 7am to start cooking breakfast for the hotel. More 7:30 if his hair has been particularly unruly that day.

Alastor pokes fun at everyone over being their chef, but he really likes it actually. He will never admit that to anyone though. He finds the mornings relaxing because he gets to just cook, something that he enjoys and thats deeply nostalgic for him. It starts him off on the right foot for the day.

The only times it starts him on the wrong foot, is when Lucifer decides to get up at an ungodly hour (or straight up pull an all nighter), just so he can steal the kitchen and make the hotel breakfast instead.

Lucifer does this because he thinks he is a better chef then Alastor. Surely, Alastor's annoyance is proof of that! But Alastor is actually pissed off because his plans for the morning got set on fire by Lucifer's dumb ego.

Alastor really does go above and beyond as the chef by the way. For a cannibal, you would never expect how respectful he is of everyone's dietary preferences. If your a vegetarian, or even a vegan, Alastor won't blow you off. He will make something for everyone that still works for you, or just make you something special. He sees it less as you having a dietary restriction and more as a challenge of his skills.

Anyways, thanks to Alastor, mornings at the hotel are always extremely nice. Everyone comes down to eat together, hang out, and just be. Its a tranquil time and atmosphere that he has taken great care to cultivate. Sets him up perfectly mentally for his afternoon radio shows.

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Vox ₊˚ ‿︵୨୧

Vox always wakes up with a big sigh. He is very much that type of person whose first thought when waking up is, 'goddamn it, I woke up'. Hates leaving the bed but knows he has to.

At least Vox stops having those thoughts when you become apart of his life.

If your still in the bed when he wakes up, Vox is immediately comforted by your weight on his chest. He cant help but smile as his arms tighten around you. One of Vox's hands starts absentmindedly carding through your hair as he goes over everything he has to do that day in his head.

If your not in the bed when Vox wakes up, it completely fucks with his mind. His sleeping body does not register you moving or getting up at all. So from Vox's perspective, you were in his arms one second then... not. Vox will wake up to you not there and be super confused. He will legit start looking for you like a puppy.

Depending on your relationship status with him, Vox might even just assume that he dreamt/hallucinated the whole encounter with you. Only realizing that it actually happened upon outside evidence.

Operating on the assumption that you two are a thing; Vox now tries to keep his mornings flexible because of you. They used to be very regimented. Vox would wake up, get dressed, grab a coffee, then be right out the door to head to work. But now that your here, the mornings are much more relaxed.

When you first move in, Vox's first order of business is to hire a personal chef. Don't get me wrong, Vox loves it when you cook for him. The guy absolutely melts when you do. But the reality is he loves it a little... too much. Which often results in no breakfast actually being had because Vox ends up dragging you back to the bedroom. Of course, that's if he doesn't end up fucking you right on the counter or kitchen table.

Look. Seeing you by the stove in an apron just does something to him, alright?

If you ever even asked Vox if he knew how to cook, the guy would probably bluescreen. The only thing he knows how to ""cook"" is 'takeout'. (image included) If he tried to boil an egg, he would burn the water.

So yeah. Vox takes initiative to get you two a chef. He doesn't want you to have to cook for him anyway; he wants it to be an act of love rather then an obligation. If you push Vox and say you want to cook for him, he will making heart eyes and be ready to marry you on the spot.

Seriously. Make him cute, homemade lunches for work. Vox will brag about them to everyone. Put adorable love notes in there and everything. The guy will be on his knees.

Regardless of who actually made the breakfast, Vox always has it with you. He may be a busy man, but he makes sure this is a time you get him exclusively. Vox lets you know of his schedule for the day (assuming Valentino doesnt set it on fire ofc) and when he plans on being home.

When Vox leaves for work he actually has a genuine smile on his face. Don't get me wrong, he still hates it and cant wait to get back home to you. But Vox doesn't feel that same crushing dread that he did before.

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Lucifer ₊˚ ‿︵୨୧

It used to be so hard to get up for him. It wasn't uncommon for Lucifer to just wallow in bed for an entire day. But now that your here, everything has changed. Lucifer actually has a reason to get up in the mornings again. He used to just go back to sleep and pretend the world doesn't exist.

He is a morningbird by nature, so he often wakes up before you. However, Lucifer hates leaving your arms and the cozy bed. So one of two things happens depending on how he is feeling.

If Lucifer is feeling good, or just particularly lovey that morning; he will pull you extra close to him and start kissing all over you. You'll wake up to the wonderful feeling of fleeting kisses and his smile on your skin. No better way to start the day.

As soon as he notices your awake, Lucifer moves to place quick, chaste kisses all over your face. All while asking, "How are you feeling, Ducky?", "Did you sleep okay?", "Have any fun dreams?".

Lucifer looks at you with the most adoring look in his eyes, desperate to snuggle and feel your skin on his. He wants to listen to you talk about anything and everything.

After awhile of cuddling and pillow talk, you have to be the one to convince Lucifer to get up. He will playfully whine and try to keep you in the bed, but he won't keep it up for long. Lucifer also cant wait to make you a wonderful breakfast and talk more while he cooks too~

Lucifer is a chatterbox when he wants to be. Especially with someone he loves. He basically wants to imbibe your entire being; that includes getting to know every random thought you have and every dark corner of your mind.

But if Lucifer feels the weight of depression weighing him down that morning, he simply snuggles deeper into you when he wakes. His grip on you tightens, and he pulls the sheets tighter around you two. Like he is building a cocoon or trying to shield you both from the outside.

Sometimes you can tell as soon as he wakes up that he is in a bad state. Instead of kisses, you are woken up by the trembling of his small form. Shaking with unshed tears and fresh pain from old wounds.

Lucifer clings to you desperately; the grip of his claws threatening to break your skin. You have to physically force him away from you just so you can look him in the eyes. Even then, Lucifer whimpers and tries to hug you tighter in protest.

He will begin to plead with you. Saying things like "Don't leave me" or "Please stay". You kiss him gently and bring him into your chest as he finally begins to sob. You two stay there for a long time. Lucifer is extra clingy that day. Attached to you at the hip and always holding your hand in his. His heart rate picks up and he starts to get frantic if your fingers slip out of his.

Mornings with Lucifer are overall just very slow. Meandering. Lucifer's safe place has become the bed since the heights of his depression, so he is reluctant to leave it. Some dark part of him feels that the longer he can keep you in bed, the longer he wont have to say an inevitable 'goodbye'.

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FURTHER READING ₊˚ ‿︵୨୧

Its a super silly idea, but I love >>THIS POST<< by @antiheroalastor where you find out Alastor has a extensive skincare routine.

Cute imagine by @voxisdaddy where Vox has to cuddle you to fall asleep can be found >>HERE<<

Then something more spicy, >>HERE<< are some ADORABLE Lucifer aftercare headcanons by @redr0sewrites. Rose writes the rambling, dorky, disaster Lucifer that I have envisioned in my head PERFECTLY.

[sunnie-angel]

A Fever You Can't Sweat Out

Part 3: Surprise Guests

fem!jason todd x fem!reader summary: an unexpected gift from poison ivy leads to a very fun evening tags: teasing, sexual tension, groping, biting, semi-sentient plant based sex toy, size kink rated explicit (mdni)| wc: 2.8k a/n: uhhh probably the closest i've ever gotten to writing tentacle porn. if harley and ivy feel a bit ooc, that's because it's my first time writing them so please be nice.

series masterlist

Jay’s heart is in her throat. She doesn’t think she’s been this scared since Ethiopia, since Joker. But it’s not for herself this time, no this time her nerves are shredded for you.

Harley and Ivy had broken out of Arkham again. Usually Jay wouldn’t care; they’re usually pretty targeted in their rage these days, Joker and massive conglomerates exclusively, and they’re occasionally down for a team up. No, its where they were sighted that has icy fear clawing up her spine and bile churning in her stomach.

Breaking every traffic law – and a few laws of physics – she races over to your apartment, barely does the minimum of parking her bike before she’s tearing up to your doorstep. The door bangs open and there’s not the carnage she was expecting. Instead you look up at her from your cozy seat on the couch, hands wrapped around a mug, eyes wide with surprise. There’s no screaming or blood on the walls, just the sudden silence of a conversation interrupted. Ivy regards Jay cooly while Harley practically thrums with excitement.

“Shoes, Jay” you remind her, and then she’s toeing off her boots to join the strangest tea party she’s ever been to.

Wary, she sits down next to you, curls a protective arm around your shoulders that you lean into. Steals your cup to sip from it. Never lets her eyes wander from the two most unpredictable elements in the room.

“We’re sorry for dropping by unannounced,” Ivy starts, not sounding very sorry at all. “But–”

“ – but we heard all about Hood’s new puddin’ and just had to come say hello!” interrupts Harley, all sweet giggles and wide smiles.

“Uhuh,” Jay smiles tightly. “Heard from who?”

“Here and there,” Ivy evades. “A guard that’s doing much more good as fertilizer in the gardens.”

You shudder under Jay’s arm, but the welcoming smile on your face never slips.

“Well,” you say, trying to cover up the social faux pas of bringing up murder, “that sounds like a very kind gesture Dr. Isley.”

“Oh Pamela, please,” she insists, primly setting down her empty coffee cup. “It was no trouble at all, some of my darlings were starting to look a little peaky.” Harley giggles.

“So what’s Hoodsy like in bed?” she interjects. “Bet she’s a real firecracker under all that leather!”

Grabbing Jay’s hand in warning before she can do anything rash – like oh, try and bodily haul Harley out the door – you demure.

“Oh she treats me just fine, but I don’t like to kiss and tell.” Gratefully Jay presses a kiss to the top of your head, glaring at Harley all the while.

“Fine? Fine!” She shrieks. “Sugar she should be treatin’ you a lot better than fine! Why if Red didn’t have me screami–”

“Harleen,” Ivy warns her, hand landing heavy on her shoulder.

“I’m happy! Honest, no one’s treated me so good,” you backpedal, suddenly terrified to have put a target on Jay’s back for the perceived crime of not fucking you well enough. Jay bares her teeth and snarls at the insult.

“Really?” Harley perks up. “Well you come let your Auntie Harls know if that ever changes sugar.” Grinning she slurps down the rest of her drink. You squeeze Jay’s thigh in relief. “C’mon Red, present time! Wanna see their faces when they open it,” she says, rubbing her hands together with glee.

With a heavy sigh, Ivy uncrosses her legs and pulls a box out from under the couch. Jay twitches at the detail she didn’t notice.

“A small gift, a congratulations to you both,” she says.

With trepidation, you open the lid of the box, terrified something is going to snap at your fingers. Inside you find another box, this one a clear plastic half-filled with water. What looks like a fat green vine, curved gently like a c-shape, bobs in the water. Confused, you look back up at Dr. Isley – no Pamela – and force a smile.

“It’s– um it’s a lovely gift,” you tell her. “What is it exactly?”

“A cutting from one of my darlings,” she says easily and Jay’s back goes ramrod straight. “Nothing deadly, just– curious. It likes dark, wet places the best, will do anything to ensure optimal conditions.” 

“You shove it up your cunt and it fucks you by itself,” Harley interjects at your blank looks, still smiling sunnily.

Wide eyed you choke on your own spit. Jay closes the lid of the box and places it on the coffee table.

“Really? You break out of Arkham to deliver a sex toy that I have to water and take care of?” she grumbles.

“Awww honey, we just wanted you to be happy,” Harley coos, and it might be the most genuine thing she’s said all evening.

“Besides, it’s only a cutting and it doesn’t do well in overly acidic environments,” Ivy adds. “It should die off after being doused in a significant amount of vaginal secretions.”

“Okay, yep, that’s not helping.” Jay says, pinching the bridge of her nose.

“We really do have to get going, the Bats can be so annoyingly dogged in their pursuit,” Ivy says, getting up to leave and herding Harley to the door.

“Be seein’ you Hoodsy!” Harley calls just as the door closes.

Shell-shocked by the unexpected visitors and their horribly personal gift, the two of you just stare at each other in silence.

“D’you think we should–” you start to ask.

“Nope,” Jay interjects, immediately fleeing the room.

Jay doesn’t see the two Rogues again for weeks, their little gift hidden at the back of the closet. Sometimes in the dark of the night Jay swears she can hear faint splashing sounds but the weird plant is always still when she checks on it. Obviously it’s not just a fun little toy because it’s been specifically designed to make her question her sanity.

When she does run into them next, Ivy’s in the middle of using her plants to destroy the company that had just won the city’s latest infrastructure bid, Harley squealing and swinging her hammer with a joyful fury. Rolling her eyes, Jay dodges another one of Harley’s blows as she cackles.

“Hiya Hoodsy! Long time no see,” Harley quips. Jay groans and rolls away just as the hammer smashes the pavement where she had been standing.

“Harley. Not satisfied with just tearing up the streets, you had to stop them from getting repaired too?” Jay yells back.

“Sorry sugar, this one’s all Red’s.” Harley shrugs, then dodges Jay’s fist. “Hey! Speakin’ of sugar, did yours like the present?”

Dick finally has the good sense to show up and electrocutes her with one of his escrima sticks.

“Dunno,” Jay says as Dick starts to handcuff her. “Hasn’t been high on my list of my priorities.”

“Aww,” Harley pouts, seemingly unbothered by her incarceration. “Red’s gonna be so sad.”

“Fine! Fine!” Jay shouts, realizing that having a pissed-off Ivy gunning for her over a sex toy is not how she wants to go out a second time. “We’ll give you guys a yelp review or something. Happy?”

Harley nods happily as Dick drags her away and oh Jay’s not gonna like having to explain to everyone what ‘gift’ she’d been babbling about.

Bruce approaches Jay as soon as they get back to the batcave and Jay can’t even look him in the eyes as she spits out, “Yes, Ivy gave me a gift. No, I’m not telling you what it is but it’s not malicious and can’t be used in the commission of a crime. That’s all I’m saying and for both of our sanities, do not go digging.”

He grunts, and Jay chooses to interpret it as agreement. For her own sanity. Because the thought of her pseudo father finding out that a couple of his sworn enemies had gifted her a semi-sentient sex toy and that Jay had just agreed to use it on her girlfriend to prevent a grudge with said enemies? Yeah, Jay’d prefer to be dead and buried before entertaining that thought and its ramifications.

Jay’s weirdly nervous when she gets home. It’s not that she thinks you’d be against trying something new, more that she’d agreed without talking to you first. And while she’d be happy to try it out solo and lie through her teeth to Ivy and Harley, she’s also kind of shocked to find out just how much she wants to watch you get fucked. Intimately.

So it’s with a dry mouth that she climbs into bed with you and slips an arm around your middle. Covers the back of your neck and the hinge of your jaw in kisses to rouse you from your slumber. You blink sleep thick eyes back at her, press the lines of your body back into her solid warmth.

“Hey baby girl,” she whispers in between kisses. “You up for me?” You nod and take her fingers into your mouth. Suckle at them and get her knuckles all wet. Jay groans and rests her head against your spine. “Ran into Harley today,” she tells you and you stiffen. “Wanted to know how Ivy’s present was.” Your mouth parts and Jay lets her fingers fall from it.

“Does that– does that mean we can try it out now?” you ask in a small voice, still not looking her in the eye.

“Do you want to?” Jay asks, arm tightening around your waist. You nod, body curling into her. “I’ll go find the box then.”

She said it like she hasn’t known exactly where it’s been hiding with laser precision. Like she hasn’t woken up to half melted dreams of your coming around it as she holds your hand and soothes you. Carefully, she sets the box on the bedside table, turns to see you on top of the covers and already undressed, nervous in your excitement.

She leans down and kisses you, licks into your mouth until you’re panting and whining under her. Nips at your lip and withdraws with a grin. Makes you wait as she sheds her own clothes before climbing into bed with you. Smoothes a hand down your bare side as she kisses at your throat, has you grabbing at her hair to bring her mouth down lower. Jay bites a bruise into the soft swell of your breast as you whine, sneaks a hand down between your legs and finds you already dripping. Laves at a nipple with broad flat of her tongue as she starts teasing you with her fingers. It’s only when you’re clenching down around her, hips chasing after her hand does she stop. Reaches with a blind hand for the box and grasps the wet vine in her fist. Kisses your bitten lips before resting her forehead against yours to watch.

Asks, “You ready?” while you babble your agreement. Notches the wet, slimy head of it to your entrance and pushes. Swallows your gasps and moans as your cunt devours it, hard knots and clipped off shoots scraping at your tender walls. You shudder as she slides more in, stopping just before the turning curve of the c. You clench down and the vine protruding out of your hole jerks at the movement. Jay grins and grabs the curve of it, uses it as a handle to pull it out of you and ram it back in, has you slumping over her shoulder and whining weakly as she fucks you with it. Every single bump and bit of texture scrapes you raw, pushes up against those hidden spots inside you that light your nerves on fire. Gasping you come as Jay cruelly hooks the vine into your guts and pulls.

“How was that baby? D’you have fun?” She asks, still fucking into you.

“Feels– feels weird,” you stutter out between heaving breaths, pleasure still thrumming through you. Something’s changed. The vine feels bigger, somehow. It’s not unpleasant, the solid weight of it heavy in your gut. Just...strange.

“Yeah baby? How about I make you feel better then,” she says.

Jay gives your breast an affectionate squeeze before rising up on her knees and settling the other end of the vine at her slick entrance. She grins at you before plummeting down, spearing herself open in a practiced motion. You moan as her movement jostles the fake cock inside of you. Wrap your arms around her waist and hold on for dear life as she starts to fuck herself.

Jay’s a goddamn picture as she rides, neck arched back, eyes screwed up tight. Her tits jiggle as she bounces and you can’t help but give in to the urge to mark them up as they do. Breathily, she moans at the first touch of your mouth. Her back arches with a flexibility you envy, hips swivelling as she grinds down meanly. The long lines of her body shadowed and golden. Every time she bears down, the vine jolts inside of you and you moan, clit pinned beneath the hard surface of it. She groans as she comes, mean and messy in the pursuit of her pleasure. Slowly you limp along behind her in an orgasm of your own as you clench down weakly around the vine.

She’s soft in the aftermath, miles of warm skin holding you close as her breathing starts to even out. Slides a large, calloused hand down your sweaty flank in a soothing gesture. Jay goes to kiss you but her lips never find her target as you jerk back and moan at the sudden sensation of the vine moving on its own inside you.

“Hey– hey what’s wrong,” she asks as she cups your face, fear streaking through her voice. 

“It’s– oooh!” you squeal as it starts to fucking writhe inside of you, gut churning in time with the stretching fullness of it in your cunt. “You don’t– you don’t feel that?” Your hands go vice-like around Jay’s arms. 

“What are you– oh.” You can tell by the way her voice goes thin and breathy that it’s fucking her too now. She bites at the plush of her bottom lip and suddenly you’re jealous of her teeth for getting to dig in there. Surging forward, you clumsily slot your mouth over hers, swallow her little gasping sighs as the vine starts thrusting in you both. The stretch is so unbearably thick now, wider than anything you’d taken before. You can feel your cunt struggling to take it all, the way the vine curls in and around on itself as it tries to get deeper and fails, your wet walls straining and clenching uselessly around it. 

Jay licks and bites at your throat and you know there’ll be a fresh necklace waiting for you tomorrow. Her questing hands find your breasts and you whimper as a callous catches on your nipple. With a hand that no longer feels attached to your body with how clumsy it is, you try to reach between you for your clit. Your hand brushes against the jut of your lower belly and you freeze up before scrambling to pull Jay’s hand to feel too. She groans into your ear at the sensation and you can feel yourself getting wetter around the intruder as she cups your belly. Her hands grope you as the skin under her palms warps, the soft swell of your belly distorted by the vine as it writhes and thrusts, so large you struggle to accommodate it.

She presses your hand to her own belly and you can feel the swell of it too. Smaller than yours, but moving faster, fucking in deeper. Jay’s jaw goes slack and she starts to let out throaty little whines that have you clenching down. Her body is shaking from the force of the vine thrusting in her gut, thighs trembling and eyes bright. She pushes down on your bulging womb just as the vine writhes against your cervix, and that’s all it takes to grab your by your hair and drag you screaming through another orgasm, pleasure blinding and burning bright. You can’t feel your legs when you start to come down, vision spotty and skin so sensitive even the lightest touch feels like being flayed alive. Moaning out garbled sentences, you almost miss Jay as she comes, abs clenching and body lean and long. You do feel her hands scrabbling at your waist as she goes over the edge, anchoring herself to you.

The two of you collapse onto the pillows, chests still heaving. Blindly you reach for her, desperate for the burning heat of her skin on yours. Jay lets you snuggle into her, sticky with sweat and other fluids, as she reaches between you and slowly starts to pull the vine out of you both. It feels smaller than you expected as it slides out wetly, coated in the evidence of your pleasure. You bury your face in her shoulder as she grins down at you, hand sodden around the now brown vine, dead and starting to rot.

“Somebody enjoyed themselves,” she teases you and you swat at her hand in embarrassment.

“Oh, don’t say that like you didn’t have a good time too,” you grumble.

[colorquest]

~☆~

D: Okay so D: Michael. D: What's up with that hat?🔆

M: My hat...? D: Ah, the act of innocence, the act of ignorance... D: I. Have. Neeeeeeever seen you wear a hat before. D: It's so not your M.O. V: He's wearing a hat? D: Like, seriously. D: A backwards baseball cap? D: Did your mommy tell you it was cute like that or something? V: LOL S: Debbie!

M: *snort* M: You're too funny sometimes, D... M: But you're right, I almost never wear hats. M: This one just worked for me, you know? M: With the opening in the back and all. D: Can't even wear it properly.......... M: I know u_u. M: But yeah, I got this a couple days back when I went to that concert with my mama. V: So she did tell you it was cute, then? M: Ahhh... yeah, she did. V: hehehhueueh S: I think it looks very nice on you, Michael. M: Haha, you don't gotta tell me again. M: But thank you. D: WAIT. D: ..........That shade of purple............................... D: WAS IT THE DAGGERBREATH CONCERT?????????? M: Yeah it was! D: I thought I saw you putting up a poster earlier too, was that--🔆 M: I got that at the concert too, yeah! D: May I... see it... M: Sure, hold on, I think you'll really like this one actually.

M: See, they were premiering their new album, with the dragony album art and theme and all. D: WHAT THE HECK! D: LUCKY?! D: THAT SHOULD HAVE BEEN ME. D: THAT SHOULD HAVE BEEN MEEEEEEEEEEE WHO WENT! M: Remember I did invite you to come with, D. D: YEAH but nobody else wanted to come. D: And as IF I'd be caught hanging out with just you and your mom. D: Like, come on. M: Well uh, you know if you want... M: While I'm a little too attached to the poster to give it up, you could take this hat from me next time we meet up? M: I'm not feeling it too much anyways. S: What? S: Noooo! S: It works so well on you though-- D: "It's a DEAL my liege, I'll TAKE it!" D: That is to say, D: Uh, YEAH? GIMMIE??? M: Ahaha, oh, so you've listened to their new album already then? D: Of course, who do you think I am? D: Some kind of POSER? M: Well, maybe a... "poser with all heart, no soul~" D: "TAKE A SMOKE OR MAYBE TWO AND FEEL THE ASHES TAKE CONTROL!!!!!!!" V: BUH V: You guys and your punk metal. V: Can't you listen to something a little more upbeat, maybe? S: (I don't understand it either Vilmr, but let them have their fun!)

D: Vilmr, comments like that are exactly why you gotta start breaking away from Maja a little more. D: You're gonna end up sounding just like her if you're not careful. V: Lättare sagt än gjort! V: You try being yourself when you have to listen to THIS nonstop! V: Listen!

V: Nag nag nag, right?! D: Yeah okay but that doesn't mean you gotta start nagging too -_-. S: Yeesh Vilmr, it's no wonder you get so anxious, I'd die if my parents kept calling me like that all day. V: The caring guardian... V: She eats away at your psyche like no other. D: Okay well stop listening to your cell then. D: Like, put it away for a while, that's what I do. V: I can't just not have it on me Debbie. D: Sure you can! D: Give it to me, get some freaking peace of mind for once. V: Agh! V: ...Only if you promise to give it back when I ask this time. D: Psssh, totally. D: After the eclipse, of course.

D: Hey what the heck are those lights outside your window? S: Oh wow, look! S: Sky lanterns, how pretty! M: Oh! M: I guess we're not the only ones celebrating the eclipse around here then, huh? M: Haha... D: We're not celebrating the eclipse okay, we're not cultists. D: I mean I'm not at least. D: Michael. M: Wh! D: I just wanna see it happen, it's on my bucket list you know. S: I wonder what the lanterns are really for...? M: Well, I do have a neighbor or two who are a little more on the moony side... M: Maybe that's them? M: What is it about an eclipse that's so special for some people, I wonder? S: It's like, symbolic, right? S: Like the moon represents a god, or... V: Ah, I know this! V: It is not the moon that represents a god, it is the essence they bring. M: Oh? V: Yeah. D: Oh boy, here we go... V: So basically, the reapers of the moon, the "cultists," they believe that this eclipse will um, awaken their god. V: And that god is just like, just a person right now, and nobody knows who it is, but it's someone out there. V: When this eclipse happens, it is supposed to awaken them. V: That person will be ascended to godhood, or so they believe. V: And then that god will release an uncontrollable wave of darkness across Theia.

D: Yeah so, evil cult shit. V: No, not evil. D: DARKNESS Vilmr. D: Darkness is always the bad side. V: Debbie, maybe it is you who needs to open your mind. D: Oh, what next, are you gonna tell me Varth Dader was a good guy? M: Is it like, the darkness would make us appreciate the light better, or something? M: I'm struggling to understand how that'd be a thing to... celebrate. V: Well according to the reapers, once the darkness sets in, their counter-god of light will also awaken. V: Then that god will release a wave of light around the world. V: And then the world will be in perfect harmony. V: So I think the eclipse is supposed to represent like, the wave of darkness. V: And then after it's done, it gets light again, and that represents the balancing out? V: Maja could probably explain this better than me. S: Wow, that's actually pretty beautiful to think about :o V: Ja, sure. V: But most believers end up drugging themselves to death somewhere down the line. V: Something about their souls becoming part of their god's essence. S: oh M: Jeez, that's intense. V: Yeah, there's a lot more nuance to it but I don't know all the details. M: Wow. M: Uh. M: ...Maja isn't thinking of-- V: Nej nej nej, she's different. V: She sees this all in a different way. V: Though it is hard to not worry about what might happen around the world, as a result of their beliefs...🔆 D: Hey uh sorry not sorry to interrupt this super duper interesting talk but, D: Are you guys seeing the stream?

D: It's getting so freaking close. S: OvO M: Fifteen more minutes until it starts! S: I'd love to be there in person, that looks so pretty. M: Well we should mark down the date five years from now to see the next one then. V: And hope that it is not happening above forbidden land. M: Oh yeah, that too, haha.

🔆

[livelaughghoul]

Omg girl with honorary daddy I just meant all the hot elderlies that aren’t on the current grid but should defo be included. But ok here are my recommendations:

The current grid

+ Danny Ric ,Kimi Raikkonen, Sebastian Vettel, Mick Schumacher, Jenson Button, Nico Rosberg

Toto Wolf,

Peter Bonnington,

Daddy Stroll,

Fred Vasseur,

Adrian Newey 😭,

Helmut Marko 💀,

Christian Horner

And I think thar should be enough. I included some personal icks as well this should be so much fun

Here is my smash or pass for the current grid and members below, and my reasoning behind the answer. I hope you all know this is a judgment free zone, please…

Charles Leclerc: smash, but only because I feel like there is some sort of obligation to find this man incredibly attractive. Don’t get me wrong, he’s attractive in a conventional way, but he doesn’t necessarily do it for me.

Carlos Sainz: pass, but if it were his dad? Absolutely would smash this man’s dad. Honestly he’s too pretty for me, like I would ruin him and I don’t want that guilt.

Oscar Piastri: pass, only because I feel like we’re both way too introverted and it would just be weird. Plus I think seeing my hidden tattoos and piercings (I have my nipples and multiple genital piercings btw lol) would potentially give him a heart attack and I don’t want that heat.

Lando Norris: pass, honestly he does nothing for me. I’ve watched a few of Max’s streams (I actually like Max!) and I think mom friend mode would be activated and I’d just lecture him about taking care of himself because what the fuck do you mean you have the money to buy a car but not groceries? Are you dumb?

Max Verstappen: smash, but only because I find his attitude and general demeanor attractive, not necessarily him.

Sergio Perez: SMASH, SMASH, SMASH. No explanation needed.

Nico Hulkenberg: pass, he’s too pretty and honestly I would bad getting between the haasbands, like they’re end game for me.

Kevin Magnussen: ignore my answer above, because I’m absolutely smashing certified track terror Kevin.

Pierre Gasly: give me a few shots of tequila and I’ll smash, but otherwise it’s a pass.

Esteban Ocon: smash, he’s got a really nice voice and I love his accent specifically so like, it makes sense.

Alex Albon: pass, but only because I want the chance to see the animals on his apparent farm. Also let me pet your cats please and thank you.

Franco Colapinto: pass, I’m not a mother so it wouldn’t happen anyways. Also I feel like I’d end up in a similar situation to Lando where mom friend mode gets activated and im taking this grown man grocery shopping because what do you mean your fridge is fucking empty?

Logan Sargeant (yes I’m including him, fight me): pass, only because this is my literal son and I love him and want to protect him. I would die for him.

George Russell: smash, I could break this man and I think it would be fun.

Lewis Hamilton: smash, I think he could break me and it would be fun.

Fernando Alonso: SMASH, SO MUCH SMASHING MY DUDES. LIKE SO MUCH.

Lance Stroll: pass, again, he doesn’t do it for me but his dad certainly does.

Yuki Tsunoda: pass, he’s too just a little guy for me.

Liam Lawson: pass, I don’t like his attitude and I feel like I’d want to discuss why he feels the need to be so performative with how he presents himself and it would just be a lot.

Zhou Guanyu: pass, but only because I want to hang out with his cat and not him.

Valtteri Bottas: smash, feels natural and like it would be an experience nothing would be able to replicate, ever.

Daniel Ricciardo: SMASH, no hesitation. I love a slutty thigh tattoo. I’m a sucker for this man.

Kimi Raikkonen: yall know I’m smashing, this is obvious. I’m in love with this man.

Sebastian Vettel: I’m smashing, but I’m not super into it. I’m more here to talk about sustainability and figure out what I can do to assist. It’s not a fulfilling smash.

Mick Schumacher: he’s literally so pretty, like so pretty. I’m afraid it’s a pass though guy, like I think I would almost feel guilty?? Like he’s so pretty and I’m just a feral little swamp goblin?? It’s not fair.

Jenson Button: smashing, 100%. I feel like this needs no explanation.

Nico Rosberg: pass, but it’s like a really difficult pass.

Toto Wolff: fucking smash my dudes, like I am actively ruining my marriage at the chance to smash (this is a joke I love my husband very much). I’m beginning to realize there is a bit of theme in my answers…

Peter Bonnington: have you seen the size of this dudes chest? The size of his arms? Smash, I’d be crazy not to.

Daddy stroll: smash, absolutely. Honestly? Frothing at the mouth for him.

Fred Vasseur: NO ONE JUDGE ME. Smash, and I’m not proud of it.

Adrian Newey:….smash….swear to god yall better not judge me. He’s just really smart and I find that attractive!!

Helmut Marko: pass, but only because I’m pretty sure if he saw my nipple or clit piercings he would die and I don’t need that additional trauma, ya know?

Christian Horner: pass, he looks too squirrelly to me.

[zigrethsnotebook]

HBU a Bill Cipher x reader about a reader who really likes being possessed by Bill Cipher so frequently is possessed by him

Inside you

Bill x Reader

words: 1,381

tags: sfw, whatever Bill has going on

a/n: didn’t know if you wanted this to be cute or not, might make a nsfw version one day if i feel like it

You were Ford's assistant, working with him and Fiddleford on the interdimensional portal. Even after the incident occurred and Fiddleford left the project, you and Ford pressed on.

Although, you weren't really in it for the portal or the science or whatever. You were way more interested in this muse of his. Bill Cipher. A triangle shaped entity, who had the ability to enter someone's mind if they agreed to it. Who could also haunt your dreams if you didn’t.

He didn’t have to haunt your dreams though, he was already a part of them. Even though seeing Ford with yellow eyes and no self-preservation instincts was a little scary, you couldn't help but imagine how nice it must feel to have Bill in your mind.

Just for once you wanted to lean back and let someone else do the work for you. The work being moving your body from room to room and so on.

One day, when he was in control of Ford's body, you breached the subject to him. "Ford doesn't like you running around in his body, you know that, right?" Bill just laughed in a garbled version of Ford's voice.

"Of course I know! That's part of the fun." You hummed. "But wouldn't it be more fun to actually share a body? With someone who won't resist? And if it's tormenting Ford you're after, think of what it would do to him to see someone else under your control."

Bill narrowed Ford's eyes at you, stepping closer. He was intrigued. "What are you suggesting?" You smirked at him. "A deal. You get to take my body for a spin... whenever. The only condition is that I don't want you to break my bones or leave me with an open wound or something."

He turned Ford's head, suspicion on their face. "And what exactly are you getting out of this?" You smiled and sighed dramatically. "To relax! I get to take some time off from having to work this meat prison." Bill laughed loudly.

"You're either crazy or the sanest human I've ever met. Either way, you got yourself a deal." Bill held Ford's hand out to you, a small blue flame surrounding it. You gladly took it and suddenly felt like you were falling, even though you didn’t move from your spot on the ground at all.

You were still holding Ford's hand as he sank in on himself, raising his other hand to his head. Meanwhile, you felt something change. A new presence in your own mind. "Let's see if I can make you regret this."

Ford's eyes raised up to your hands and then up to your face, terror spreading on his face. "Bill. What have you-" You interrupted him. "He hasn't done anything yet. So don't worry about it. Let's get back to work."

Ford eyed you suspiciously. It was your voice, your eyes weren't yellow... there was no sign of Bill being in control of your body. But he was gone from his own mind and that unsettled Ford greatly.

While Ford and you continued to work away at the portal, Bill was making himself comfortable in your mind, snooping around your memories and getting a picture of who you are as a person.

When he came across the section of your mind that held your dreams and he found himself in there, making you laugh or holding your hand gently... well, if he was human then he surely would have blushed at that. But he wasn't. And he certainly didn’t care about human emotions. Gross.

Eventually, you and Ford decided that you were done for the day (it was long past midnight) and started to pack up. Bill pulled you from the steering wheel, taking over your body. "Sixer." Ford looked up at him in horror.

"So you are inside them!" Bill waved him off. "Yeahyeahyeah, big surprise. Whatever. Where did you find this person? Their mind is... so clean and orderly. But their dreams..." His/Your voice trailed off, not actually wanting to tell Ford about your dreams. "We went to university together. Same as with Fiddleford." Bill nodded absentmindedly.

While Bill was hanging out with Ford, you laid back, enjoying your break. You quickly tuned their conversation out and instead took a stroll through your mind. It was a funny way of perceiving your own thoughts. Basically being able to walk in on them like they were little rooms scattered around your mind.

You got lost in your own mind but eventually were pulled back into reality as Bill took a step back. You found yourself in your bed, in your pyjamas. You didn’t even feel hungry.

The only thing that was a little off was the dull pain in your shoulder and knee. It felt like you had fallen down a flight of stairs. Bill had probably decided it was faster than to walk them. You ignored the pain and went to sleep.

The following days were much of the same: Working on the portal with Ford, occasionally letting Bill take charge to correct Ford on some equations or whatever. On your way out of the lab Bill would usually take over, taking your body for a spin.

Usually, you watched him do it, just see what he was up to. You saw him fling your body off of whatever ledge he could find that wouldn't harm your body too seriously. The deal you made clearly stated that he wasn't allowed to break your bones.

But it didn’t forbid him to get you a tattoo. It was simple enough. A heart with an arrow through it that just read "Bill", effectively claiming you as his. You didn’t mind though. Something about this triangle made you want his attention.

The fact that he went out of his way to brand you as his made you feel kind of special. Who else could say that about themselves? Well, Ford could, but you didn’t know that and Ford had no intention of telling you about it.

After a couple weeks of this, Bill got a little irritated with you. Inside your head, he sparked up a conversation. "Why doesn't this bother you? I actively harm you, your relationship with Ford and everyone around you. I branded you. What more will it take to get you upset?"

You laughed at him. "Shouldn’t you know? I thought you could read minds - what's stopping you?" Bill frowned, throwing his hands up in defeat. "Nothing! I looked! As far as I can tell you have never thought one single bad thing about me. That's nuts!"

You waved at him dismissively. "It's not. If you truly knew what it was like to be human you'd get it." Bill shook his head and floated closer to you, locking eyes. "Nuh-uh. Ford doesn't get it either. He's human, too!" You clicked your tongue. "Yeah, but he's also a giant baby."

Bill stared at you, not believing what he's hearing. He sighed and rubbed his eyebrow. Or his equivalent to an eyebrow anyway.

"There is something interesting I did find in your mind though." You just raised an eyebrow at him. "Why are you dreaming about you and me doing... coupley things together? From what Ford explained to me about human relationships, that's just gross."

You blushed at being called out like that but stood your ground. "Don't knock it 'til you've tried it." A beat of silence passed. Then Bill floated closer to you, his stare intense. "Kiss me then." You stared at him, shock written all over your face.

The problem was, you hadn't quite figured that part out yet. What, with him having no mouth and all. However, as he said that, something happened. Without your doing, a few doors to different thoughts flew open and things that looked like pieces of film tape floated out of them, surrounding you both.

They showed different ways you had fantasized about kissing that stupid triangle. As you realized what you saw you blushed even more, hiding your face in your hands.

Bill looked around you both and then back to you. Now this was something. This was amusing. Finally, he had found something to torment you with. Your own attraction to the triangle. Now the fun could begin.

[mjrtaurus]

Have you considered the comedy potential? Of Dragon and Robin teaming up to pull on of the biggest pranks in history?

And by that I mean they pretend to be father daughter

Cause like the theory is awesome but it’s so much funnier if the whole thing is just them lying

Dragon (known homosexual) - ah yes this is my daughter who I got from a woman I was in a sexual relationship with

Robin (known shitdisturber) - yes it is I his daughter who was produced through sexual intercourse with my female mother.

The whole thing gets way too out of hand during the two year arc and results in one very angry ex warlord kicking down Dragons door.

You’re right, this is so much funnier.

And people believe it because not only do they look similar enough to pull it off, but Robin’s weirdgirl energy and Dragon’s commit to any and all bits energy just. Click. Right into place. No gaps. Seamless.

I’m on Zou Arc right now and Robin is fucking with everyone like “my god, they’re cannibals”. Meanwhile, if he were there, Dragon- 100% running with her shit-stirring because it’s the funniest thing ever- would have gone “can they really be called cannibals since they’re Mink? Or does the term apply to all sapient humanoid species?” Cut to Usopp screaming because if the leader of the Revs (who’s there for whatever reason) is saying that, then it MUST be true!

Except everyone knows he’s bullshitting because everyone knows- including him- that Robin is bullshitting.

And it just kind of happens one day at the end of a discussion, back in her two year stay on Baltigo. Dragon’s been talking with her a lot, getting to know her, making sure she knows that she’s as welcome and accepted among the RA as she is with the Strawhats. The standard practice of “feed the stray cat so they know you’re a nice human and can be trusted”. You know the one.

Just.

A sip from the drink in her hand, like she’s already concocting more schemes.

“I hope you’ll forgive me, but some have been asking me- indirectly at least- if I’m your daughter. And I’ve been telling a few fibs here and there because of it.”

A twitch at the corner of his mouth, like he’s fighting a grin.

“Interesting… What sort of fibs, for the sake of keeping the story straight?”

Full shit-stirrer to shit-stirrer communication. Except it goes a little too well when Robin has reunited with the Strawhats for a while, and Dragon gets a very livid call from his dear and beloved nicotine addicted reptile. Accusing him of… sleeping with a woman? How rude! How unoriginal!

And that’s how Dragon learns that Robin’s been using her talents for fucking with people in a “good and friendly” manner to routinely put Crocodile through the wringer. Untraceable calls in the middle of the night that have the man feeling like he needs to be locked in a padded cell. Seastone muzzle and straitjacket optional.

The sudden shock of that revelation makes Dragon break, and then he’s cackling and wheezing like a madman until even the snail is concerned for his health.

“Wani, are you really that surprised that she would gaslight you for fun?”

“… Fair point…”

Oh, if Robin wasn’t going to get adopted into his dysfunctional garbage fire of a family before, she definitely is now.

[crownedcrowrow]

I put the boys names into a pokemon generator and picked the ones that looked like turtles. Then took elemets and colors to design the turtles because I thought it would be fun, and it was!!

[demaparbat-hp]

Oh, Aang, you're really in it now...

This is Zu—I mean, Jian Li and Katara's second meeting in the Kyoshi Warriors AU. The first proper one, anyway.

Once they get through a minor difference of opinion or two (“I can carry my own basket!” “Never said you—” “I'm not weak!” “I didn't—” “Just because I'm a girl doesn't mean—” “Would you listen for once, woman?!” ) they'll become nearly inseparable.

For now Jian Li will carry Katara's basket all the way to the Kyoshi Warriors' dojo and, once there, they'll mercilessly tease Sokka when they see him in uniform.

[fefairys]

so ive been playing the L death note ds game and the L communicator mode is so funny. Literally all you can do is feed him treats and make him say random lines at you. to restock treats you have to wait on the blank menu screen for five minutes at a time for watari to bring more food.

konami said u will keep your ds open on this blank screen for hours just to feed a fake L death note treats so that he'll tell you he loves you.

and you know what i am. i had to pause in the middle of writing this because watari came back with more food.

[eggmansplatformboots]

I GOT AROUND TO DRAWING THEM!!! took a break from my big projects to draw these cus my friend started talking about sonic prime <3

[sysig]

Just keep getting back up (Patreon)

[faunandfloraas]

Seeing people be like omg what are skz doing, why are they being quiet?!? I thought theyd leave australia and then fly back? And I'm like...... well they've been chatting on Bubble, so they havent been that quiet, but also maybe they just want to chill and hang out ?? Why would they fly 10 hours back just to return 6 days later....

[tea-time-terrier]

This creature has been smooched on her face and stuffed full of snacks <3

We qualified each rally obedience run (despite large areas requiring handler improvement <3) and finished the weekend with a 97, 84, and 97. This baby dog now has her Rally Advanced title!

(All rosettes were default as we were the only ones in our class.)

[chibishortdeath]

This is based off of an audio clip from Silent Hill, a game I sadly have not gotten to play yet :(, but I saw someone else’s animation of the clip and got really inspired by it. Idk if I’ll ever actually animate this scene or anything, but it got me to draw Hector and Julia so it was worth it lol

[puppyeared]

Ouhhhh friendship I love friendship……..

[bee-snail]

So a friend and I were playing around and I felt... Inspired. Vigilantes AU 🙌

Co-written with @davestriderisasimp, it's currently only a vague idea but it's so so fun either way!

YAPPING AHEAD, BEWARE !!!

Oh man. This AU was born because my friend made a funky Daniel in a really cool Epiphet Erased AU, and in turn, I made a David that matched. Then they became arch nemeses, kissed, punched each other, and committed so much dang crime!

In David's defense: he commits crime to stop criminals. Criminals like Daniel, and his team of EVIL MINIONS (they're all petty criminals AT BEST they're the cutest, bestest ever, I LOVE THEM)

Her Daniel was genuinely so fun that he was the first and only Daniel I ever even considering making a Danvid with. The OG Danvid has neat vibes, in a Killing Stalking kinda way, but it just wasn't my vibe, y'know? Good for those who like 'em, tho !!

This David is just... so neat. He's like if Davey's original snarky attitude had never been completely overriden by his love for camping. He blackmails Cameron for favors from time to time, but is pretty fond of the guy because he's not exactly a genius evil mastermind. He loves his friend Gwen and his son Max—who may or may not have been "kidnapped" from his home by some red-headed stranger who distracted his parents by setting their car on fire—and has started to care a little for his roommate, CJ.

He started vigilantism when he was just a teenager with some anger issues, man. And now he just got used to it! But hypocrisy just runs through his veins, as he feels super stressed whenever Max decides to sneak out to go after him and help. He wants to beat up strangers too!

Neither Max or David have "offensive" epiphets either: theirs are "Recover" and "Endure", respectively. A healing and a passively defensive power. Gwen's, though? Hers is "Orgasm". It's perfect for sweeping someone off their feet— if you get what I'm saying, HAH

Daniel's epiphet is "Kool Aid", and he uses it so dang well! He's the silliest villain you'll ever meet and I adore every moment he's "on-screen" (aka, whenever we talk about him, HEHEHE). He's the captain of a team of minions—yes, he does call them his minions. It's a very worthy title, I must say—who perform LOTS OF CRIMES together. Most of them are simple robberies, though, and David is incredibly amused by them.

He does, occasionally, fall on one of their traps. And then they laugh at him. Then they take him hostage to make him gawk at their mighty evil lair (they bring him over) and feel pathetically miserable once he sees that his own personal resting hours are nothing compared to the glory of their favorite entertainment (they watch some movies), and so on...

They're so, so, so so silly. I cannot express enough how much I freaking love them.

Also, Max has a bear motif. It just... It just stuck. I love him too (so does David HEHEHE)

As for Jasper...

His epiphet is "smoke", and he disappeared a long, long time ago. That's all I have for now!

Also this WIP, which I will probably never finish. Hehe.