#this was like THE first whiplash fanart i made

[nepptunii]

i realized i never actually posted this full page so here u go

[fandumbass]

Poor diller

AHHHH YOU'VE DONE IT AGAIN!!!!!!! AAAAAAA THANK YOU THANK YOU YALL SPOIL ME FR!!!!!!!

ohhhhhhh pink hair reader................ save me pink hair reader......

[merriclo]

i love looking at fanart for other fandoms, having no fucking clue what the hell is going on. idk what’s up w persona 5 but that akechi guy sure is pretty

[hetalian-veteran]

Hetalia Feels Like Home

I initially sat down to write something that would be a quick and easy read. Something you could read in a minute or two before you continue scrolling. But the more I thought about what I wanted to say, and everything that ties into it, the more I realized that this was going to be a much longer post.

I want to talk about, what else, Hetalia. But more importantly, I wanted to talk about how this show, and by extension, it's fandom, has not only left a massive impact on my life, but me as a person. I have a lot to say here, so strap in.

I'm going to start by explaining where I was in my life when I first watched the series. Then I will move on to explaining what I liked about it and how it entertained me. I'll also go into the different interests and fascinations that branched off of it. After that I'll discuss my seven-and-a-half-year hiatus from the fandom and what it's been like coming back.

Like many fans, I was a tween when I got into Hetalia. Specifically, twelve years old, and just barely into middle school. And for a number of reasons, this was the first time in my life that I began to seriously struggle with my mental health. While I don't feel comfortable divulging too many details, I will say that my homelife growing up was fairly chaotic. I understood that plenty of other kids out there had it way worse than me, but I can't say I was doing too well either. (Sidenote: me and my family are doing great now, in case you were wondering).

At the beginning of sixth grade, I was diagnosed with depression, anxiety, and PTSD all in one fell swoop. This, on top of things at home, was already a lot for twelve-year-old me to handle. And having to deal with the stressful changes that came with a new school and puberty was the watery icing on the crummy cake.

As mentioned in a previous post, it was a new friend I made that introduced me to Hetalia. You can read about it here, but in short, I was sent into the show completely blind and found myself both lost and confused. I initially decided the show wasn't for me, but after some convincing from my friend, I gave it another shot. I returned home to watch the show again and tried to have an open mind.

And it was then that it clicked for me. This show was about events in world history and geopolitics. And the countries of the world were all being portrayed as their own personified characters. Greatly stereotyped characters, to be sure. But it was still an interesting concept. One that was new to me. Not to mention, after I got over the initial whiplash and understood the abnormal flow of the almost non-existent narrative, I discovered something. Not only was this bizarre show a comedy, but it was freaking hilarious! I remember sitting at the computer laughing my head off with every episode. When I finally understood how the show worked, it became a fun, wild ride.

And more importantly, it made me happy. During a very dark time in my life, right at the beginning of adolescence, I found a show that managed to make me smile. All during a time where I felt like I forgot how to.

And then I discovered the fandom.

Now, I was not new to fandoms. As someone who grew up deeply invested in the Warriors series in elementary school, and who happened to have access to the internet, I was exposed to fandoms at about the age of ten. Heck, probably even earlier, seeing as I am from a family full of nerds. But the internet definitely gave me a much more immersive way to interact with fandom.

I don't know exactly how I found the Hetalia fandom specifically, just that I loved finding and reading fanfiction, as well as looking at cool fanart and headcanons to add to my Hetalia board on Pinterest. But goodness, if the show hadn't gotten me totally hooked on Hetalia content already, the fandom certainly did.

Now, I made it a point to not be social online growing up. Mainly because I managed to be socially awkward not only in real life, but on the freaking internet of all things. Not to mention my elementary school teachers showed us videos about the dangers of talking to strangers online as a kid, and that scared me straight. As a result, I never talked to anyone online about Hetalia. I was part of a Facebook group, but that was it. Instead, I was just lurking around and taking in all kinds of fan content. And it was the fan content that really dug its claws into my brain, as this is how I learned about all of the fanon.

I saw all the different ways people interpreted the characters, and all the different ways the characters could be depicted regarding different ideas and concepts. Once I realized how versatile the characters could be in fan content, my own creative brain went into overdrive. While I never posted anything, I found myself creating my own fanart and fanfics. And without realizing it, started to construct my own versions of these characters in my head. Characters that began to feel more personal to me individually. As if I knew them.

But Hetalia didn't just get the creative juices flowing. As is the case with many fans, I became deeply invested in world history as well. I wanted to know everything there was to know. I began watching WWI and WWII documentaries frequently. I found myself researching the formation of Europe after school for fun. I endlessly researched the history between Austria, Hungary, and Prussia. I became deeply invested in learning all I could about the Kingdom of Prussia and the Teutonic Knights. It got to the point where my mom got me a book on the entire history of Prussia in seventh grade, and I was over the freaking moon about it!

Hetalia also managed to get me interested in my ethnic background and where my ancestors are from. I began to research my ancestry and was ecstatic when I learned that I potentially had family that hailed from the Kingdom of Prussia. I also got super invested in learning about all the cultures that made up my background, and since then I've been learning all I can in an effort to connect with them. Especially since as an American, that's a part of me I'd often felt disconnected from. Hetalia truly inspired me to dig into my family's history!

Not to mention that the character songs for Hetalia absolutely slapped. A lot of them are certified bangers, and you cannot convince me otherwise. Songs like 'Aiyah 4000 Years', 'Mein Gott', 'Pub and Go', and many others would play in my brain on repeat.

Ah yes. Hetalia truly had me in its grasp. I was deeply obsessed and invested in Hetalia and so much of the content within the fandom.

I mentioned earlier that there was a lot going on growing up, and that I struggled with some pretty severe mental health issues for a tween. The reason I felt the need to bring that up was because I genuinely feel as though this played directly into why I got so into Hetalia. In a world where it felt like everything was falling apart around me, Hetalia gave me a reason to laugh and smile. It gave me new creative outlets to further explore. It helped create new interests, hobbies, and passions. It gave me characters I came to deeply love and find enjoyment and even comfort in.

But most of all, Hetalia became a safe space for me. An escape when things got too difficult or scary to deal with in the moment. A space where I felt comfortable. Where I could be myself.

And then, after four years of being deep into Hetalia and its fandom... I lost interest.

Now, this might sound a little odd, considering how much I emphasized the importance of Hetalia in my life up until this point. But for some reason when I was going on sixteen years old, I just fizzled out. I can't explain it, but over time, I slowly began to care less and less about Hetalia. Not because I hated it, but because I just... Sorta dropped off. I remember having this feeling of, "I've already seen everything the fandom has to offer," so I suppose that could have been the reason. Either way, I started to drift away from the series and fandom that had previously brought me so much joy.

And it was weird. For a solid week there, I was both parts accepting of my losing interest and panicking over it. Again, this only lasted for a week before I fully took off from the fandom and series. But losing my interest in Hetalia felt like losing a dear friend. Which, at the time, was also happening with the friend who got me into Hetalia in the first place. Life took us in different directions, and we drifted apart. And for some reason, my love for Hetalia went with him.

And then I was gone from the fandom for about seven-and-a-half years. Everyone would say that Hetalia was the fandom you couldn't escape from, but I really didn't think that was true for the longest time. I mean, yeah, I would find myself humming 'Pub and Go' once in a while, but other than that? I didn't think about Hetalia at all. I never thought about the characters, I didn't think about the series every time I looked at a world map, and I certainly wasn't shipping countries together. But even so, the effects of my time in the fandom were still there. And over time, I began to dislike it.

Not the effects, but how deep into Hetalia I was back in the day. Like many others, I cringed looking back at my middle school self. Still do, honestly. But in high school the annoyance for my middle school self was unreal. I was irritated by what a freaking weird kid she was. And after I found out about some of the controversies that somehow went completely over my head? I became deeply ashamed of having ever liked Hetalia and being in the fandom. I didn't think about it too much at the time, but there was definitely this feeling of, "I cannot let anyone know I was into Hetalia." A phase common among old Hetalia fans.

And yet, somehow, against all odds, after years of being away from the fandom and Hetalia itself, even after a new season came out... I came back just earlier this year. Several months ago as of writing this if we want to be more precise.

But what was it? What brought me back? Well, I'd say it's a combination of two things.

First off, the theory of Germany being HRE came into my mind. I don't know why this happened, or how this came up. But either way, my brain was now fixating over that theory, as well as the interesting writing ideas that can branch off of it.

Second off, and I think this may be the most important one, is that I had recently gotten into an accident at work that temporarily took away my ability to write and draw for several months. The two things I am most passionate about, and were my number one stress relievers, were now inaccessible to me. And as medical treatments did nothing to help, and my condition got progressively worse, my mental health took a steep decline as well. I began to fret over the idea of not being able to write or draw ever again. I would lay in bed sobbing over the idea. (My hand is better now by the way).

And it was during this difficult time that Hetalia somehow came back and found me again. After Hetalia came back to my mind, I decided to look it up on TikTok just because. And I was floored when I saw how many Hetalians were on there! I even checked back in with the Tumblr side of the fandom and saw that, sure enough, you were here as well! I had seriously believed that the fandom was dead and gone, but it was still alive and kicking to some extent.

And so, I decided, "Why not?" And rewatched the entire series. And next thing I knew, I found myself diving into the fandom once more. I created this blog to try and connect with other fans, and I'm so glad I did. This blog has not only been doing wonders for my mental health, but it's been so fun and wholesome to see the fandom as it is today.

I find it interesting that I found or came back to Hetalia during difficult times in my life. Maybe there's a reason for it, or maybe it's just coincidence. Who can say? But what I can say is this.

Hetalia, and more importantly, its fandom, have been a massive comfort to me in my life. It has affected so many of the things I now love and find enjoyment in. It's impacted my absurd sense of humor. It's impacted the person I am now because I engaged with it on such an intense, visceral level. I find so many of the characters to be comfort characters for me now. No matter what, I'll always have them.

Hetalia truly feels like home to me. And I think that's largely why I ended up coming back after all these years. Now, however long I'll stay this time around is anyone's guess. But even if I do take off again, I know I'll be back. At some point or another, I'll be back.

Because Hetalia makes me happy. Because it gave me reasons to continue laughing and realize that life doesn't end just because something bad happens, or because life is painful. Because it gives me endless creative material to use and draw from whenever I want. Because connecting with Hetalia and its fandom feels like reconnecting with an old friend.

Because Hetalia feels like home.

[citrus-cactus]

Citrus' Art Summary 2024!

I made my own template this year, based on filling in all the squares of a 5x7 grid. Not sure I recommend this method; it was difficult to both place pieces in roughly chronological order and make the layout varied & interesting, and I feel like the final result is too easily divisible into (uneven) quadrants, which I wanted to avoid. Ah well, maybe I'll think up a better system next year! :)

This is a bit of an odd year for an art summary, because while I created something every month and I'm legitimately proud of SO MANY of these, I kind of... stopped publishing my art to the Internet in the latter part of the year. There are various reasons for this. I'm not sure all of them are good, especially given the above statement about being proud of everything I made on the whole. But I'll talk about that beneath the cut, since that's where I usually ruminate about the year. There are also links to full pieces (where they exist) at the very end.

***

First, the positive! I branched out a lot this year (or at least... continued the trends that were starting to form in 2023). I did a lot of uh... darker/more serious art? Which I have enjoyed immensely, though I know it can be a bit of a tone whiplash compared to most of my finished art from past years. I love cute, happy things!! But I have these other dimensions that have long been in need of exercising. My favorite thing that I did is probably the first Bad End Takuma piece from January, which was for Survive Week. I just... really love how it came together. It surprised me every step of the way, and it was full of happy accidents (despite the subject matter! Lol). I still look at it and am like "wow! I made that!!" But I really like October's piece too. It's an illustration for a fanfic I'm (still) working on, and it gives me emotions. Justice for minor characters. Justice for minor characters for 1000 years!!! XD

Besides fanart, I made some other things! I published a secret fanfic (it's absolutely not hard to find if you're willing to do a little searching, but there's no way I'm going to link to it ever! Sorryyyyy! :3). I spent two weeks in Iceland, and somehow that inspired a fair bit of artistic endeavors XD September shows a small sample of a digital collage that includes several photos my spouse and I took (as well as some other stuff. The full piece partially communicates my somewhat-cynical thoughts about being a tourist in Iceland). November shows a drawing from an 8-page zine about hiking the Laugavegur Trail, which was an amazing experience! I also cross-stitched a Christmas ornament for a family member this month! None of these were intended for an Internet audience, but they were all fun and somewhat different to do!

So... yeah, the whole "not sharing art" thing. It started because I was... kind of frustrated with how few notes I felt I was getting compared to how hard I felt I had worked on some of these pieces? Which is... I mean, I know it's silly. More effort =/= more notes, especially since I'm focusing my creative efforts on such tiny little niches of the Digimon fandom (sadly, Appmon and Digimon Survive are just not that popular, especially compared to Adventure!), so any "engagement" on that art is going to be low, because the audience is just not that large to begin with. Plus, activity on Tumblr just seems to be tailing off in general. And I GET that numbers on posts shouldn't matter. I really, super-duper get that! But when something you worked really hard on and are excited to see people respond to only gets a handful of notes... well, it does kind of sting a bit, or makes me feel like I shouldn't have gotten my hopes up about it being received well. And then I end up waiting with baited breath for the usernames associate I with the fandom to react to it. If I don't see them in my notes, does it mean they hate it? Or did they just miss it? It's not something I have any control over, so why does it matter to me?

And it's NOT to say I don't appreciate the notes and comments I DO get. I appreciate them so much!! I just hate knowing that my worth as an artist has become tangled up in this notice-me-senpai attitude I seem to have created for myself. I hate caring about numbers (I know I should not care about them!), and I hate how much I seem to care about numbers. Posting used to bring joy, but now it brings... I don't know, anxiety and entitlement mixed with disappointment, I guess? So I decided to remove it from of my art process. I took a purposeful hiatus from The Numbers and caring about who sees my art to really just create for myself, for the first time in many years... and overall, I think it was a healthy way to hit "reset" on myself and my ego's ravenous desires.

But now... well, I don't exactly know to proceed.

There are things I do want to post, that I want other people to see! But the situation on Tumblr and on the Internet at large really isn't any different, and I'm not sure it's different in my brain, either. Can I continue to not care about The Numbers if I put them back in my life? I hope so, but I'm not certain. On top of that, I'm doing a lot of of art for a different fandom, and I'm still unpacking... well, let's call it what it is: a seemingly unending supply of middle school shame that I feel about Liking This Thing Too Much, which (apparently) never really went away. Yikes! This is a "me" problem, it has ALWAYS been a "me" problem. So that's a fun feeling to have (...not :/). Plus it's just... idk, different fandom, different people, different opinions flying around, I've been away from it for so long, do I really belong here?? But of course I do (even when I feel like I'm being so incredibly cringe... looking at you, August). I bring my own unique viewpoints to all the fandoms that I'm a part of (as does everyone!), and by sharing our ideas and stories and passions, we create our own community and extend the lives of the things we love. I do want to continue to be a part of that, but getting back on that horse is hard for me right now! I took a posting hiatus for health, but it also made me that much more shy. I have been thinking about my Return to Posting Art for months at this point, which again feels silly, because it's so easy to hit "post" on one of the many things I have saved up. I probably will go back to it... I'm just not exactly sure when. Maybe when I have something Digimon-related to share. Digimon is comfortable and safe. It's the only fandom I've felt like I really belong in. Sharing anything else feels... too personal somehow, and also too unknown. All of these have been thorny problems to grapple with, and I'm still working my way through them, carefully and slowly.

So yeah. Phew! If you made it through all that existential angst, you deserve a medal! But I can't give you one, so here are those links to the full pieces that I promised:

JANUARY: Bad End Takuma #1 ("Cooperation")

FEBRUARY: Survive Week Day 5 ("Villains")

MARCH: Dark Ages Gargirls

APRIL: HaruShinkai-Daily 4th Anniversary/100 Follower omake

MAY: Bad End Takuma #2 ("Darkness & Loss")

JUNE: Happy Birthday, Haru! (2024)

JULY: OC drawn on iPad

OCTOBER: “True” fanfic illustration

[samantha-and-nellie]

i finally read “the lilac tunnel: my journey with samantha” (shoutout to @cannon-memely for letting me know that i should actually take the time to check it out!) and i have Thoughts. full reactions from reading it under the cut

to preface this (since there is going to be a tiny bit of snark and general silliness), i did overall have a good time reading this book! i have some qualms with the storylines they chose to put in there, but i do think that the journey books are one of the smarter moves they made during the beforever era. i remember really loving the “you choose” history books as a kid, and i think the interactive component is appealing and generally a great way to keep children engaged. i could absolutely ramble on more about historical fiction for children, but let’s just jump into my (semi-chaotic) thoughts about “the lilac tunnel.”

first of all, FASCINATING that samantha apparently has a swing at grandmary’s house, since i’m pretty sure that it’s never mentioned in the original books. do we think it was lydia and gard’s, or do we think gard (or even hawkins) put it up for sam?

samantha’s got ORPHAN SYNDROME and she’s got it bad

okay. this is probably my main gripe with this book, but having this book set pre-nellie (and thereby having on option to essentially be nellie but under grandmary’s employment???) is bizarre af

on the flip side, the fact that nellie isn’t around really highlights how lonely samantha is, and i think we all know that I’m SOOOO normal when it comes to themes of grief and loneliness in samantha’s stories

WHY TF DOES EDDIE HAVE SUCH A LARGE ROLE IN THIS STORY. DEAR GOD PUT HIM BACK WHERE HE CAME FROM

elsa??? having a prominent role in a samantha story??? what sorcery is this???

yeah, super duper excited to have it reinforced that samantha is ready to accuse servants of stealing so long as they aren’t the servants that she likes

i think we’ve all had nightmares in which eddie ryland appears

samantha having an understanding of the fact that she’s transgressing by being friendly with a servant girl when this book is set prior to her relationship with nellie makes me wonder how much child workers she has tried to befriend /hj

saint louis fair mention for the movie girlies:)

i wonder if the description of grandmary’s outfit on page 30 is meant to be a reference to this dan andreason illustration of her?

the magic lantern show is really cute:) (might be thinking about writing fanfic of this but with nellie…)

samantha being shorter than the protagonist of this story after being the tall one with nellie is honestly pretty funny. smol bean samantha

awwwww gard and cornelia

HEY HEY HEY 

WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK

BEFOREVER I’M ABOUT TO THROW HANDS

anyways, apparently we need to re-traumatize samantha with near-drownings at every chance we get:) this is not messed up at all:)

guess we better pretend like that never freaking happened

… okay the locket origin story is pretty cute

this book has such insane emotional whiplash. what do you MEAN one piney point storyline is about nearly drowning and the other is about a moonlight swim with cornelia?!?

someone should really draw fanart of samantha wearing the protagonist’s capris (big bow and all)

tbh, kinda confused by the bike plot line in this story, cause didn’t they incorporate the bicycle short story into the main beforever books?

new career path dropped for samantha, folks! (medical field)

mmm the fear about illness is getting a little too relatable here

i love how much dress up there is in this book:) literally would’ve rocked my world as a child

not the ENTIRE RYLAND CLAN coming over for dinner. a formal dinner with eddie actually sounds so horrific

… guess that’s the note we’re ending on for me. thanks for reading my rambles, and feel free to let me know if there’s other journey books i should check out in the future!

[zeepz-art]

Spoilers for Arcane season 2 Episodes 1-6 ahead, tread with caution:

Also keep in mind everything I rant about here are just my current opinions and concerns, this could change after the next three episodes' release.

Ok.... first of all, never has a show made me sob as hysterically as this one has. The end of almost every episode has had me in tears so intense that I'm sitting there hiccuping oh my god. Like when Vi and Vander hugged at the end of Episode 5, or when the 'Remember Me' flashback happened GOD

The art and animation is as STUNNING as usual holy shit. This show is so beautiful and the visuals are addicting. It's all such good inspiration for fanart and just future artworks in general, it's honestly an artist's paradise and I genuinely can't believe something like this exists.

Anyway, initial gushing and ranting aside, here are some of my... gripes? concerns? about Season 2 for now.

(Please keep in mind that these opinions are not set in stone since the season isn't fully released yet but I still want to rant about them and get it all out of my system.)

Overall the season has been really really good, I am really enjoying it. But I can't help but feel SO confused. Maybe it's the fact that it seems a lot more focused on League of Legends storylines and references this time (I have no knowledge of League lore), but so many of the different plots throughout the episodes have left me so confuzzled.

For example, in Episode 6, it feels like so much happened that was so out of pocket. When Vi runs into Caitlyn, even though Cait was the one who literally left Vi to rot in a hole to continue her quest to kill Jinx, she immediately agrees to stabbing Ambessa in the back and just seems to forget entirely about what she's been doing for the past 2 and a half episodes?? It just felt like her mentorship with Ambessa, her 'relationship' with Maddie, and her obsessive search for Jinx were kind of tossed aside in favor of her and Vi making up.

Don't get me wrong, I love to see them together again, but I'm so confused as to WHY they're back together already. Not to mention Cait's reaction to seeing Jinx again is so tame in comparison to how much she seemed to despise her an episode ago.

Another Episode 6 example: Jayce... What the fuck?

I know we'll probably get context and exposition in the next few episodes as to where he's been and why he's like this, but still, it feels so strange that he went from sacrificing everything to save Viktor's life in Episode 1 and 2 only to show up and kill him in Episode 6. WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU JAYCE PLEASE I NEED TO KNOW WHY YOU ARE MURDERING YOUR POOR WET CAT BOYFRIEND

My other concern with season 2 so far, is that the pacing/storylines and plot feel really fast? it kind of feels like so many plots were crammed into season 2 that they now only last a few episodes until they finish or are forgotten? Like Isha was only there for 4-5 episodes until she died, Vander/Warwick's existence was built up across 3 episodes only for him to die really soon after he was revealed? Vi's breakup era only lasted for a few minutes in a montage? Viktor's 'Jesus' era had maybe 10 minutes of screentime? the list goes on.

I enjoyed all of these plots and storylines a LOT but I wish we got just a bit more time to appreciate them instead of getting emotional whiplash every episode. And that comes from someone who LOVES emotional whiplash.

To be fair though, none of the 'deaths' I'm talking about are necessarily confirmed yet since they're just implied until the next 3 episodes, So I do hope that at least Vander/Warwick is still alive because we barely got to dive deeper into the emotions the sisters must have experienced after seeing him again.

Anyway, Season 2 is honestly still so good it's a solid 7.5/10 for me so far. It has its flaws but it feels unfair to focus on them too much considering the season hasn't even finished its release yet. So yeah I'm really enjoying myself over here and am frothing at the mouth for the next few episodes to come out. Until then I will be curled up in the corner drawing infinite amounts of Arcane fanart to sate my endless thirst for more of this show.

Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk and thank you for your patience.

[kiroonsmoon]

I know there's a lot of people refusing to play the renegade route in rejuvenation. Sorry if you answered this already but I'd love to know where you stand on this. Have you played renegade? If so what are you most looking forward to about it?

Oughhhhhahhhh Renegade (BEGINS FOAMING AT THE MOUTH) /neg. My thoughts on it are very mixed so to say. But yes I’ve played it, I like doing oc runs so I did my mono dragon run for Lucifer on it.

Renegade has most of my favorite scenes ever in Rejvu but simultaneously is my least favorite part of the game and is like, the worst mix of my criticisms of the game. Which is why I generally prefer Paragon to Renegade despite paragon having a less gripping story/events to me as of 13.5.

Basically if I could summarize it: I love the story and it has WONDERFUL, heartbreaking scenes but it also shares that with the most whiplash inducing humor and scenes possible as well. Which results in severe tonal issues that heavily damages my enjoyment of the route.

I’m going to be putting my more detailed thoughts under cut. All my positives and negatives towards it. I’m putting it undercut because of 1) spoilers and 2) speaking from personal experience I know it’s unpleasant to see some bashing and criticizing something you love dearly. And I don’t want to subject people to that if they do not want to see that. My criticisms point largely to a specific character I know people are major fans of and love dearly. I don’t want to subject people to unpleasant things like that.

Again all of this is subjective and my opinion. You aren’t bad for liking something I don’t like.

Still here? Good great! First things first let’s start with some positives. Because despite everything I do like this route.

The fights were fun! I had a great time with the battles (expect with Spacea/Timepa but this isn’t an issue on the devs it’s just Mono Dragon is NOT good for that fight).

The scenes when the game takes itself seriously are fucking phenomenal. Adrest’s death and then the failed world with the host and M2 are a phenomenal beginning to renegade in my eyes. And Zumi’s art like always fucking rocks. The failed world really sets up the tone well for renegade. Which M2 finally snapping and attempting to murder the only person she’s been stuck for years. Fantastic beginning to a route about destroying the world.

And Karma Beast Talon….oh karma beast Talon. It’s my favoritest fucking boss battle and segment of the entire game. Everything down to the story, music, setting and Talon’s character mixes into one of the best written arcs in rejvuenation ever. Talon’s arc was way better than I could’ve ever expect and the best of his character is shown in his karma beast route. Just seeing his desperation and pain at learning his best friend died, his mother is on death’s door, he was never anything but a puppet that leads him to becoming a monster of his own despair and that on top of the art in music. Chef’s kiss, I love it so much.

I also loved the Ren chase (hell I made fanart of this moment), M2 getting called the fuck out and Venam + Amber battle and Amber’s death…oughhh all good fucking scenes.

However, all these things are torn down by one thing, the humor. Even more specifically M2.

M2..M2, gosh, she’s a fucking lot. I honestly still don’t know how to feel about her. The only thing I’m 100% certain on and don’t have any mixed thoughts on his her design. Her design fucking rocks, probably my most favorite design of all the Melia’s.

M2 is easily the worst part of renegade and the game for me. She’s very poorly written to me. Which is unfortunate. I like her concept I really do. However the problem is I couldn’t really truly understand and appreciate her concept until I sat down and truly thought on renegades story while removing all the silly stuff from my brain.

Basically: M2 is completely shot down by the humor she brings and it negatively affects her and the story as a whole.

Now I’m not saying renegade has to be 100% serious and grimdark. That’s just not realistic and I would just have issues with it the other way instead. However the humor it shows is not for renegade. The humor of renegade (and M2…) is very lol xd and sudden and random. It’s very very very jarring. Especially for such a dark and grim route. Renegade’s humor would be better placed in paragon. Rejvu’s humor is already hit or miss and renegade’s humor is nearly all miss.

Now humor in renegade can work, hell it’s even required. Stories can’t be all dark, you need a breather in there. However, balance of the humor is very important and Rejvu’s renegade route does a really piss poor job of it. Some jokes can work though! The fucking bait and switch with the item during the Ren chase seen is probably my favorite joke it all of Rejvu honestly. It uses the expected actions of the player and turns it on their head. It even works in a character sense! M2 is smart, she’s been taking notes on you and uses what she knows on you against you. It makes for a great joke and prank, I couldn’t even be angry that all my pokemon had 1 hp! It was a fantastic humorous moment that made me go “you son of a bitch” and crack a smile. I also think M2 calling Kanon an incel is a joke that works as well. However I do have problems with that as well, but that doesn’t relate to the humor, I’ll get into that later.

Renegade would’ve benefited from more humor like that. Not the clones, which made me more and more annoyed as time went on. The clones should’ve been left in Ren’s Chase as NPCs that act as obstacles and that’s it. Not the random beef M2 had gotten with random unimportant NPCs offscreen, which just made me more annoyed with her (and not the fun kind of annoyed). The kinda annoyed where I wanted to bash her head into the wall.

However the biggest offender of them all is Guilty or Nah. I’m going to be blunt. Guilty or Nah is not needed and brings absolutely no substance to the story and actively damages it. I hate it. You are actively chasing down someone WHO YOU PLAN ON ERASING FROM THE ENITRE UNIVERSE. And when you finally catch up to them, guess what happens! The most completely unnecessary and tonal whipping lashing gameshow thing I have ever seen in a piece of media. ITS NOT GOOD. IT SUCKS IN LITERALLY EVERY WAY POSSIBLE FROM A NARRATIVE PERSPECTIVE. It needs to be cut from the story completely. The most important part of the chases are the emotions and perspectives of the victims. Karrina’s, Ren’s and The Hag’s deaths/near death would’ve been so much better and impactful if Guilty or Nah was completely axed. Look at me in the eyes and tell me if Talon (+ Florin in one route) suddenly got a Guilty or Nah before being erased it would do anything for the scene and their arcs. If like anyone has any reasons I would genuinely love to hear it because I cannot see any reason for Guilty or Nah’s existence.

Anyways now that’s out of the way, less negative thoughts more kinda musing I had. M2 to me is a very….nostalgic character. She comes from an older version of Rejvu, which again cool in concept. However it also alienates newer Rejvu fans like me who weren’t around for the older versions. This is definitely compounded by me play renegade first but even if you played paragon first and know every version is canon…a newer rejvuenation player will not have the context of what M2 is talking about in regards to her version. I was completely unaware Ren and Kanon used to be major fucking assholes until my Rejvu veteran friends told me. Basically, a veteran will have a different reaction and feel for m2 than a newer player, with newer players not having all the context unless they ask friends or go looking around. Which they may not have or do.

Anyways yeah! My renegade thoughts. This got way more longer than I meant it too but I have a lot of thoughts on renegade as a whole. It could be so great but it’s extremely brought down by its humor and alienates a lot of people who don’t like the humor it has (cough like me cough).

[marlboromiles]

okay story time about the crazy grown ass woman from when i was a teen that would dump her hcs about otis csa from his dad and try to get me to tell her sex hcs about spotis cause it "helped her stress" and harass me for fanart

back when i just turned 16 there was this bitch who found me cause id post otis art on insta. grown ass adult woman btw. and she started to dm me and beg me for detailed hcs about sex (cause at 16 i was an obnoxious kinnie about spaulding and she shipped spotis) which in retrospect was extremely weird but that wasnt the fucked up part. she had like 10 different fics, some going over 40k words, where shed have entire chapters describing otis as a kid getting brutally raped by his dad. she was also super obsessed with otis having an ED and hip problems from where his dad broke his hips from raping him so much as a kid (keep all this in mind for when you read the screenshots). shed dm me randomly outta the blue while i was in class for my GED telling me her otis csa ptsd hcs. that was the shit that made me so disturbed. all of this was unprompted. and at 16 i was going through a lot with being homeless and my dad going to prison for dv so i was just letting her yap in my dms bc these things dont trigger me but it sure was fucking weird.

flash forward to about 2 years ago and she tried to ask jack for the otis bio pics and he was like hey....wait....aint you the cunt who used to fantasize child rape in my man's dms when he was a vulnerable teen and she deleted all her fics like they never existed. crazy shit.

screenshot dump just so yall can see how....strange this chick was:

^ this one isnt too bad its just so random. source? what the hell are you on about? why are you fantasizing about the irl man bill moseley with your weird ED fetish?

^ her randomly bringing up otis getting raped as a kid. again. as she always did. left the first part in just so you can see how she'd just shove it into every convo.

^ the first screenshot is showing how shed fucking interrogate me to give her descriptions of her weird fetish. also she wouldn't stfu about woobifying otis for it. love how you can essentially see me being like Why Are You Thinking About This So Much

^ this is just a general cringe screenshot cause im like yeah they used to rob places and kill people together of course cutter's dug a bullet or two out of otis before and vice versa. and shes like Fuck.....if otis went to the hospital.......how was my 16yo ass less cringe and more logical than this grown woman

^ i actually clearly remember i was ghosting her during this time period because of school and also just. i didnt wanna keep having her bring up kid rape about my man every 4 messages. and here she is doing it again unprompted.

^ ANOTHER UNPROMPTED OTIS RAPE HC !!! LET HIS HOLE REST GIRL GODDAMN.

^ im talking about my surgeries and this bitch just pops off with "otis hates sucking his dad off" i remember the whiplash this gave me and its been 6 damn years. it still takes me off guard every time i remember.

^ to end this on a lighter note cause this always makes me laugh. ma'am do you even remember who youre talking about

[herrscherofmagic]

So I just caught up with HI3rd's new main story release last night. and upon waking up this morning, all I could think was...

"...damn, is this how the day-1 RWBY fans felt when Volume 4 came out?"

I never thought I'd unironically be comparing Honkai 3rd with RWBY but that's pretty much the only way I can convey my complicated thoughts at this point. An incredibly awesome concept with a lot of potential, juxtaposed with an execution that gives severe emotional whiplash and mixed feelings x-x

Just as I mentioned in a prior post, I really wish Part 2 was made its own story. The concept of Luoxing and Oxia & Langqiu and the Seven Shus and Dreamseeker... all of this could've (and in my opinion should've) been its own game. Unburdened by the lore of HI3rd, free to develop its own character and themes and unique story direction.

HI3rd then could've had a different Part 2, one that more closely builds off the prior lore. A Part 2 with a split focus on further developing older characters (like Theresa), giving more backstory for long-gone characters (like Squad Snowwolf), and building up the future story for the "new gen" characters (like Sora, Lyle, Timido, Adam, etc.).

I love Oxia so, so much. I love the concept of Luoxing and the Dreamseeker's character and their relationship with Senadina and the whole story of the Shus. But I dislike how this is all apparently just a "continuation" of the story of the Earthlings. I wanted Part 2 to wholly embrace this new setting, but it seems like that's not what we're getting, and all I can say is that I'm disappointed.

I'm still willing to continue with Part 2, but I'm finding it harder to go along with the story at this point. Maybe some future parts of the story will renew my interest in it, but at this point I think I'd rather engage with Honkai content purely from a fanfic/fanart perspective because the main story feels like it's getting too twisted up with different characters and plot lines and mixed settings.

Luoxing and post-Great-Eruption-St.-Freya easily could've been two separate games. Combining the two feels like doing way too much stuff in a game that was never designed to accommodate this sort of expansive storytelling.

The worst part of all of this is that it feels like the first few chapters all built up this identity of the Dreamseeker as an Oxia native, only to have that identity torn apart in just a few brief scenes. For me, Oxia was beginning to feel like "home" in the same way that Mondstadt, the Astral Express, or Sixth Street felt like "home". I never even felt that way about St. Freya, tbh, so I was excited to have that feeling in HI3rd. But even that feels like it's been cast aside by the story. Maybe that feeling will return, but that's pure speculation at this point.

[thegeminisage]

i'm 'tell me what it was like in 2014' anon and can i just say. i am so honored by the time and care you put into that answer. WOW. it was such a delight to read and kind of vicariously experience. i'm 18 now so i was 9 when winter soldier came out, needless to say it was not really on my radar. But i've always been interested in those kind of golden tumblr age fandoms (doing destiel from 2020-2022 was like. the best experience of my lifeeee) and even like in middle school i was scrolling through pinterest screenshots of avengers incorrect quotes etc. that creative generativeness and collective celebration seems like. such a utopia honestly. what you described, and the cultural context of it being the mid 2010s and how media and politics and the internet wereback then seems so perfectly aligned. i'm happy you got to experience something so special! re: not easily conquered. i read it a few years ago just because of how renowned it was and. well you KNOW. and anyway the crazy fucking whiplash i got from realizing the supernatural blogger i followed later was EMILY??. the fandom's interest in history and culture is also especially beautiful to me. i will literally never see the winged victory the same way again. ik people always say fics written 2012-2015 have crack in them but stucky was on another level. people were doing literal highbrow analysis and art..that banana fic. i have i love you like rlb saved on my notes app from like 2018 when i was in middle school. the dedication and like crazy amount of work that went into the fandom is just out of this world to me. like i'd give my soul to be there honestly.. you just dont get things like that anymore. again thank you so so much for your wonderful long answer, and like honestly. if i ever pursue some project on fandom history i might ask to interview you or sth. but anyway, suffice it to say: i really really wish i could have gotten to see it first hand, but thank goodness i can still go back and read fic and look at fanart and. thank you it's been long long time by helen forrest. and i''m so glad people who were active online then are still on tumblr to talk about it all

hi sorry it took me a minute to reply i was doing accursed ten year rewatch of Movie. i have an extended reply.

you should listen to this...someone sent this to my friend and it unlocked memories i didn't knew i had

much like rlb, which was insane of you to remember, because i sure didn't. dropped that on the groupchat earlier and got to gleefully watch the horror of memories unlocked unfold on their faces

also so true about destiel tumblr. sustained madness. i romanticized stucky tumblr a little in my answer bc of nostalgia like i wasn't also making mortal enemies at the same time (i sometimes spot the urls of people who made me mad back then and have a ratatouille flashback) i was making those lifelong friends BUT you're not missing anything major bc the destiel madness FAR exceeded the stucky madness. there was just so much more mania to it.

when i was in high school i had the enduring desire to have been born in the 60s so i could be a hippie full time. i thought their clothes and anti-establishment attitudes were groovy. i feel like this is you about mid-2010s tumblr and i absolutely love that for you.

that said, you may not get movies like cap2 anymore but you will certainly get fandoms like it...i recently got into trek and reading spockanalia and all their vintage fic from the 60s and 70s and 80s and seeing in some ways how spock shock is so similar to destiel madness (and THEY didn't even have the internet) has taught me that the girlies gender neutral have been out here and primed to go insane from day one and that as long as there are mentally ill teens and 20-somethings who like media there will always be people who go insane about the media. they will grow into the 30-somethings and 40-somethings and higher that write the good fic and sell the smutty fanzines under the tables at cons. there will never be another tos or cap2 or nov 5 but certainly there will always be SOMETHING to go joyfully nuts about on the internet. the tricky part is just finding ur people

[starfolk7]

1 for Lies of P and your other fandoms (how yould you forget Pino and friends? xD)

Omg you're right I blanked and forgot to list that in the tags MY BAD JFHDHD

1. List 3 positive things about your current fandom(s)

I guess I'm gonna organize these by fandom lol

Pokemon:

- Diversity! Since it's been around for so long, there's tons of fics to read. If you can think of it, someone has probably written it. There's a Mewtwo fic I found in college that's basically a retelling of the events of the first movie, but holy shit it's written so beautifully it made me cry in front of my friends rjrhdgde. It's a dense read, but still one of my absolute favorite fics to this day. That's just an example of things you can find!

- Sub-fan bases. Basically, if you're a big fan of a certain Pokémon, a type of Pokémon, one of the games, etc., you're going to find your people very easily. Kind of falls under the first one a bit but ya know lol.

- Some of the cutest and also the most badass fanart comes out of this fandom. I have both art of a Sylveon with a lollipop and art of Mewtwo breaking out of their armor from the first movie. The duality of man djrhdgs

SoulsBorne

-Maybe I've gotten lucky and just found really nice people, but so far my experiences in the community have been largely positive! I've met some of the loveliest people by posting my Dark Souls and Bloodborne fics, and it really got me back into writing OCs again (you know that's my lifeblood lol)

-Character and lore analyses. Not that I agree with all of them, of course I don't, but if you want an analyses of anything in these games, there's some mad lad out there that's done it, whether it's a post or through an entire fic. Gives you tons to think about!

-ART!! Holy shit there's so many amazing artists in this community. We don't talk about how much SoulsBorne art I've snagged at conventions (I got more of it and Elden Ring stuff at Magfest don't look at me fjfhdhd)

Lies of P

-I haven't been in this fandom for long, but so far everyone I've met has been very sweet! They're also super OC-friendly. I can't tell you how many Stalker and Puppet OCs I've seen, among others, it's really amazing!

-Probably gonna say this for all of my fandoms but the ART OMG. There's so much gorgeous fanart floating around for this game it's insane. Still on the hunt for more Romeo pieces tho rjrhehe

-Headcanon diversity. Do you want a totally mute P? One that talks sometimes? One that's Had Enough? What I'm getting at is there's a P out there for everyone! People have been exploring all the different character angles on him and it's wonderful to see.

Ultrakill

-THE HYPE. Since this is an early access game still in development, the hype that cranks up every time an update is announced is INSANE. I don't think I've ever seen this level of it for an indie game. I got in just in time to witness this for the Violence update and the rush it gives you seeing everyone so excited is amazing!! It helps that every single update has just been an absolute banger. We have reason to be super excited, the devs do stellar work!!

-LORE. Do you wanna feel like Charlie at the corkboard in It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia? Because that's where I'm definitely at right now. Since we're in the last act of the game, there's so much speculation and so many theories about how the game will end. On top of that, people have been playing in the lore sandbox ever since this game started. I know I've def been up at night wondering how the hierarchy of Heaven works and what certain layers of Hell were like before Certain Events TM (I'm being vague because I know at least one person wants to play this bear with me lol). Basically there's tons to explore and the community collectively goes insane about different bits, we have fun here lmao

-I'm bundling art and memes into this one because oh my GOD. The tonal whiplash is a rollercoaster ride. You can go from the most heart-wrenching art of Gabriel you've ever seen to a piece that goes "V1 is a shrimp now" and sometimes you just need that snap back to some levity. The memes are absolutely top-tier. It helps that the voice actor for Gabriel already does memes and shitposts on his YouTube channel, so he just carries that over for Ultrakill stuff sometimes and y'know what? This game is dark, I'm gonna need these memes for when the ending makes me bawl like a baby. The Violence layer already has me feeling the creeping sense of dread (if you know you KNOW).

[crystalmagpie447]

GODHSF IM GETTIN GFREAKING WHIPLASH OAF FIRST I WATCHED THE LAKADAISY PILOT THAT WAS FREAKING AWESOME!?? LIKE ME AND MY SISTER WERE SITTING THERE LOSING OUR MINDS SO IMPRESSED BY IT !??!? THE SCENES- THE ANIMATION- THE CHADING THE SETS THE EVERYTHING AARHJKG AUUGHHHH IM DEF MAKING FANART FOR MORDECAI

AND THEN I GO TO DISCORD AND LOSE IT CAUSE JERRI IS SO AMAZING AND BIGBRAINED AND MADE A BACKPACK DESIGN INSPIRED BY MY DUMB LIL ANIMATION <33333333 EHHJKAOLIJUHYGTFRDFGTBHNJ IM GEEZ IM RAMBLKUNG GOD THERES SO MUCH STUFF I WANNA DRAW AND MAKE FANART FOR SCREVWB SCHOOL SWHAHHHAHEJD AAAAAAAAAA PEOPLE ARE SO COOL IM GUSHING ARTGG I WANNA GO INTO ANIMATION SO BAD >:))) STILL THINKING ABT THE BACKPACK I WANT T O MAKE IT MY MUTUALS/ FREINDS ARE SO COOL GUYS >:000000 EWHEHuJIAKJHYF

[algerian-lady]

It's funny to see iwtv trending again, it really takes me back, because that's what got me into the show to start with, some half year ago, I saw it trend on Tumblr and scrolled through posts for days until it hyped me enough to binge watch the two seasons in like 48h straight, I was like watch till morning, sleep shortly, go back to watching.

The show was unlike anything I've seen before, it was peak production, everything from the acting to the image, just everything was beautiful, I was obsessed but for some reason and because it was in a stressful time of my life, I kind of stopped fussing over it and completely tacked the memory of the show away for months on end.

But then smth (that I can't think of rn) kind of triggered that memory like a sleeper agent lol and I remembered I watched it (?) and was engrossed all over again, watching all the amvs, searching fanart, reading fanfics, rumbling to my sis nonstop, literally forcing her to watch an episode or 2, to watch the movie (which she preferred over the show for some reason, she doesn't find the show's actors to her taste which I found scandalous to say the least and yes my relationship is dub con with her when it comes to iwtv lol).

The funny thing is what made me go watch the series I didn't find while watching it myself, so it's better not to take other ppl's opinions before watching the series and just build your own opinion if you don't want the whiplash I got at my 1st watch. I short, i didn't think that any character was a good person at all, I was huddled up with Daniel glaring at everyone and everything and fearing for both our lives haha.

For example, the Fandom rn could make you enthusiastic to see loustat but then you watch and are completely horrified by what Ldpdl had to go through (and honestly while Loustat has it saving graces, rn rn if the show doesn't show progress, those aren't enough by themselves) like for the first season I was just like "run Lou! I'll hold him back just go! " and never trusted Lestat after that either, but yes ofc we need to see his pov but still.

Other relations aren't any better actually, they may feel off too so it's all uneasy, (like yay these two would be so cute together if we overlook the murder attempts yay) but I think that's the whole vibe the show is going for, nobody is 100% good or bad (differing degrees)and they have all done questionable things to each other, but here's where the Fandom is so fun, their analysis of each dynamic, reading between the lines, making parallels, pointing out the foreshadowing, it just makes you look at those different dynamics with a whole new eye.

Ps. Oh and minus Madeleine, their whole French was garbage I could barely get anything like literally lol, also appreciated the Algerians mention, thank you very much Daniel Molloy what would we do without you :'D (rant went offboards in the tags)

[ottiliere]

Ok so, 2 things

1. Oh? System Dirks are coming in here to show their appreciation? Because ours also DEVOURS this AU. It is genuinely so relatable and cathartic. When people don't think sharing vent art is good, I point at this AU and how it shows the ugly side of recovery so perfectly.

2. I was idly scrolling through the JTHM tag as I do frequently and got such intense whiplash seeing your recent post about asks in it. Like. Complete opposite side of our dash radar. What is this I hear about a JTHM ask?? I am fascinated already I font care if it's related to Dirk or not I just genuinely would love to hear your thoughts on it.

1) pulling all the dirks who follow me in for a hug through the walls of my plastic isolation bubble. it really makes me so happy to hear this. I can't give an extended answer to this point because I spent so much time talking about the next one but I hope you feel the mind waves of love I am bombarding you with.

2) The ask I got was in fact about Dirk, but as I'm drafting it it is...drifting...very much...into being about JTHM. "hear my thoughts on it" … this would be nothing shorter than a dissertation. I think about JTHM very often. I don't think it's possible for me to be concise about this in any sense of the word.

JTHM, to me, is one of the formative experiences that made me who I am. It is one of my favorite pieces of fiction ever made, that I have ever engaged with, and I know for a fact I will struggle to find something that is told in such a captivating way from an author with such an open soul. I discovered fanart of it by chance on DeviantArt, and, being naturally drawn towards edgier themes, searched everywhere on the internet until I found it uploaded onto some woman's livejournal account. I was obsessed with JTHM for a very, very long time. I reread it periodically, once or twice a year, and I have been doing this since I was 12. It has heavily influecned the way I go about making art and telling stories and engaging with everything I watch or read or what have you.

Everything about this comic blew my mind as a child, artistically absolutely, thematically especially. The narrative style that is glib with occasional moments of morose clarity that never lasts too long... we will never see anything like the suicide scene in anything else ever written again, of that I'm sure. It is unique in its existence. once you read that it unlocks something in your brain and you just can't go back. Multiplied by a million if you read it at a formative age you weren't really supposed to be reading it. Like homestuck.

Nny... he is the base of the character trope I always return to in fiction, usually unconsciously. I didn't realize that what I was doing to dirk mirrored nny until some friends pointed it out... it is a fascinating phenomenon. He is the first of his kind I have ever encountered in anything, ever. Blatantly unwell, the focus of a story that isn't necessarily slotting him into an antagonistic role. Like, he's the protagonist who I guess is also the antagonist but he's also a human. He's this guy with severe mental illness who is lead around like a puppet on strings first by the society that torments him for existing and then by the creature living in his walls that steals his memory and cognitive ability and manipulates him into doing his bidding. I had never seen that before? Usually I am not one for "made mentally ill by inorganic sources" trope, but the fact that it's stated in the comic that he was already seriously unwell before he became a flusher... it's just sad. He is not a good person, but his life is inherently tragic and the outcome of a society that does not care for him, or people like him, at all. forgive me for the comparison, but he is like the joker 2019. I mean this in a way that I love joker 2019. if you didn't like joker, well. sorry. but it's true.

This ties in, obviously, with the way that Jhonen goes about fiction: he does whatever he wants, to an extent. I have recently very closely befriended some individuals and while pondering how we were meshing so well on the creative side of htings, it eventually came to light that the singlemost defining moment in our lives was how we all read JTHM at a very young age. And it is insane, stepping back and looking at all of our narrative and art styles and seeing that the similarities we've all evolved independently stemmed from JTHM, in addition to our view of what it's like to be an artist. we are but jhonen's warriors in a world that is currently characterized by a very homogenized mixture of “art”. I mean, just look at the current box office trend. look at the “genre” that is marvel movies. not that I don’t enjoy marvel movies, I DO like them, my loki phase was strong and hard, but objectively... these things are what they are: mass-produced consumables. there is a reason people got excited when it was announced that Cronenberg was making a new film (which was awesome btw); art is dying. milquetoast narratives, stories afraid to push boundaries and be "weird", authors not trusting the audience to pick up on their intended message so instead of leaving it just a little ambiguous, they must instead spoonfeed it to every reader... There is some equation of what it means to make art and how it equates with your moral standing; my stance has always aligned with dear Jhonen's.

in a way my view of the world is the direct inverse of nny's; I truly believe in the best of people, I love humanity, I love the world and I am fundamentally incapable of being outwardly cruel towards others. my natural setting is to logically empathize, to put myself in the shoes of other people and look at their life the way they're living it. there is nothing more important to me than showing unconditional positive regard towards others. I have not always been this way. I used to foster great amounts of animosity in my heart for the things that have been done to me. I used to be an abjectly miserable person, I used to be violently suicidal every day for years and years and years etc. now though... I don't know how to describe it. something alights upon you after vast quantities of self-reflection, detached from the scrying eyes of swathes of people, of strangers, fandom most relevantly but I do also mean society as a whole. at this point in my life there is nothing more important to me than being a nice person, and helping others in what ways I can. if that's through posting raw depictions of mental illness, I will happily do so. I didn't realize that people didn't KNOW they can do this, and it is heartwarming that I can touch people in such a way even parasocially. I have worked on myself, I love people and I love when people are weird and their true creative selves because that is what the world needs in this day and age. art is dying. If you let bitterness into your heart it will consume you. it will cloud your judgment and prevent you from making a true connection to the medium, it will block you from making what you REALLY want to make. It will poison how you interact with other humans on a fundamental level, if you are constantly walking into interactions suspecting the worst intentions.

it almost seems like critical thinking is a dying skill...or, at least, it is when it comes to interacting with art and not relying on other people to tell you what to think. but even still I still do not hold ire towards those who seek me harm for what I make. I do not answer many of the asks I get on purpose, the death threats, etc... because these people are hurting in a multitude of ways, and they have not yet learned how to cope with their own pain. You could call being an optimist a character flaw, maybe it is. I don't know. That is, for better or worse, the epitome of what I am: an unrelenting pollyanna who believes in the best of people and the potential they have to heal. The one anon hate I got about the AU months ago that I actually deigned with an answer; they eventually came off anon and admitted they were just frustrated they didn't know how to properly use tumblr's UI to filter me off their dashboard and displaced their emotions onto me. They apologized. Such is life. We are all humans inhabiting this great big earth and I love to love people. contrary to what I depict in my art, I am a very happy person. I love my friends and I'm currently in a very good life situation with occasional downfalls and eventual upturns. Jhonen, I know, as stated in the second interview image, was often like this as well. nny was a speakerphone for little observations about life and pessimism; he was a character, a means to tell a story.

so ya I guess those are some of my thoughts about JTHM. not all of them though. here’s some nny

[1d-discourseoftheday]

Thurs 28 Jan ‘21

Zayn is doing a Zach Sang interview!! A whole long talk with someone we can trust to ask him good questions and be respectful and be funny, um YES THANK YOU?! What a good choice for such a rare interview, I love that. We don't know when, but Zach is asking for questions now. And parts 3 and 4 of the NIL comic are up, set to songs 3 and 4 off the album. Who is chasing our protagonist and why? Stay tuned for weekly updates! Meanwhile back in Bradford, Zayn's sisters Doniya and Safaa show off the mini Aristocats themed princess paradise they've created for baby Khai and Zayn's niece Zaniyah to share, complete with mini pink poofy furniture and their names painted on the walls with pink sparkles and pictures of Aristocat Marie. If that doesn't make little Khai feel wanted and welcomed for visits IDK what could!

Another set of pap pics of shirtless Niall working out in his garage in LA yesterday; he's tummy out, waving a laptop overhead while juggling a can of water and a phone and a towel and looking like a raccoon caught in the trash in most of them, just being a living meme. They (Niall) say you only get papped by choice and this is no exception- observe how he chooses to just stay right there in view staring the pap down while they snap him, doors still open (and is right on top of any opportunity to remind us about the wonders of canned water besides)- but that doesn't mean he's gonna look happy about it by god! The one of him craning his neck to look at the camera over his own crotch while weight lifting in particular was uh a choice and a half of a pose to drop into when you know there are paps shooting. He also won Irish Song of the Year in the RTE’s voted awards (of course he did!) for No Judgement.    

LTHQ posted the first of probably many things about the upcoming one year anniversary of the Walls release: a fanart contest, with chosen pieces for each song to be posted to spotify on Sunday, the anniversary. I look forward to the 'find the larry art they accidentally let slip in' treasure hunt! Fans hoped in vain that the 28th would bring a special anniversary merch drop (or We Made It merch, is it EVER coming??), but alas; no merch drop today. Louis just liked a post from footballer Steven Gerrard about a 40+ artist (including Liam Gallagher) livestream to benefit stagehand and food security charities (because ofc he did it’s like that post was crafted just for him) and another friend of his (Donny boy boxer Dave Allen) said they "just talked to him earlier", he's just on the phone all the time huh? Lockdown mood tbh, I get it.

And in today's Holivia watch? A NEW HIGH LOW... the tabloids are out to prove they've utterly lost the plot and will just write LITERALLY ANYTHING including just wholly making up the story of H and O's ENGAGEMENT!! I feel sorry for the fans who are dutifully trying to swallow everything they're being fed, the whiplash from last week's "Harry doesn't like marriage" stories must be painful! APPARENTLY Harry "dropped to one knee" (but was it the si knee or the no knee? Inquiring minds want to know!) outside "his LA house" (hmm) and brought Olivia to tears (of laughter I'm guessing) by quoting Shakespeare (“Love me!... Why?” perhaps, or “et tu brute?”...?) In case this wasn't Wattpad Imagine enough for you, they also tell us that Olivia "has always been a fan" like... ew? Also, since when? But that's not all! They've already had time to PLAN it all out-- for example, Harry is "designing the dress" aww- that's almost enough to make you wish it was true, I bet he'd look really pretty in something he designed himself! Anywaaaaay, if they're concerned about people not buying what they're selling this is uh, NOT the right approach to combat that lol, Jeff you might wanna have words with these people! If they're trying to make me laugh however, KUDOS it is going REALLY WELL. Also! Harry's "secret" finsta (hahhahaha we're beyond that surely, can we all agree that the things we're seeing with this account are very much for us to see at this point?) unfollowed someone, Harry recorded a message sending congratulations for his new music to 14 year old singer Jackson Dollinger, and another Harry from another band (Judd, McFly) shared a terrifying memory of being driven around LA by a gleeful Harry (Styes, 1D)  in a Ferrari and the realization that if they'd d*** he'd be relegated to a footnote.