#this was an interesting mental exercise to finally go through

[thegreatstoryteller]

The Great Shift: Awkward Tales - Vignette 2: Athletics Run in the Family

“Hey dad! Ready for that workout? I think this football jersey is getting a bit tight. Might need a new one later.” Kyle boomed as he bounded across the hall. The sound loud enough to cause his dad, Bill to jump!

“Oh uh… yeah sure Kyle. Maybe we skip the workout today. We could go shopping and get you new clothes.” Bill offered, gulping as he walked over to his towering son.

“Haha! Very funny dad. I know how you always said that every workout skipped, is a day wasted. I finally get it now! I just beat my PR for bench presses last week! Pretty sure I could do it again this week too if we keep at it! Now let’s go!” Kyle smiled and carried his dad to the car.

Bill sighed. Kyle wasn’t wrong. Before the great shift Bill was a retired amateur athlete. He never could quite go pro, but his passion for working out and fitness was always there. It was something he tried to inspire in his son Kyle, but it never took. Kyle was always more artsy. More sensitive. Less in the physical space and more in the mental. Bill didn’t even care that his son was interested in men, only that he tried some kind of athletic activity. Even as he was making his way through college Bill held on to hope that Kyle would find some athletic spark in his son. Something for them to bond over, but it never came… despite how many times he tried to force sports on to Kyle.

It turns out he should’ve been careful what he wished for. After the great shift, Kyle had landed into the body of a professional athlete, Dallas Turner. Now his one shrimpy son was a 6’5, 250lb titan of athleticism.  Suddenly, Kyle finally understood what his dad was talking about. Running around, lifting weights, hell even playing football. Kyle was in love! The consistent amount of fitness planning that Kyle had done in the 1 year since the great shift was more than he’d ever done in his entire life! And the results had shown! Kyle had gained over 10lbs of muscle since he’d got that body!

NFL scouts had even come around and asked him if he’d consider joining the league after he finished college! After all, a majority of former athletes were now in much smaller bodies that couldn’t play anymore. Kyle was considered a top prospect!

Meanwhile Bill was experiencing the opposite end. Where as Kyle had gotten huge from the shift, Bill was on the smaller end. Previously Bill was a proud 6’3, and now as a modest 5’0 he was seeing the world from a whole new perspective. Not only had he gotten significantly younger, now around the same age as his son, but he was not blessed with the same athletic disposition. Somehow most of his body was much smaller everywhere, but he maintained a bit of pudge around the belly, almost like a reminder of the beer belly he had once before. Only now smooth with no hair. 

Needless to say, it was clear that Bill’s new body was not built for physical activity. That didn’t stop Kyle from dragging his dad to every possible gym that was open post shift. Kyle loved testing the limits of his new strength. At first, Bill liked it too. Helping Kyle reach his physical potential is what he’d been waiting for ever since he had a son. However, the longer they worked out, the more tired Bill became. Not only from the actual exercise, but also from discovering his new sexuality at the gym with all the hot guys in the area.

Bill had gone from a sternly athletic father, to a nervous gay nerd quite quickly. His behavior became more shy and reserved. He began to understand more and more why Kyle liked things like music, art, and games compared to football. Most importantly he even understood why Kyle could never focus around his athletic peers. Every time Bill and Kyle went to the gym, Bill would get distracted after a new hunk began their workout! Kyle was too, but more so happy to show off his incredible new bod!

These thoughts raced through Bill’s mind as Kyle drove them to the gym! Bill could only hope that his secret crush was there. The handsome bearded bodybuilder was a large Arab man who was some sort of janitor in his previous life. Now this guy was second only to Kyle in the gym the more he worked out and showed of his manly body. Bill had already rubbed one out in the gym locker room thinking of him.

By the time they arrived Kyle got to working out as Bill went to refill their water bottles. Then as he joined the gym floor he was stunned to see Kyle talking to the big bearded gym crush!

“Hey dad! This is Amir! I said he could workout with us. It’ll be nice lifting with another huge guy who could keep up with my lifts. Maybe if I play my cards right with him I could invite him over for dinner.” Kyle gave his dad a confident wink.

“W-what?! I mean. Are you sure? You just met him and-” Bill sputtered as the large man came over and shook his hand. The young father was mortified. The guy he’d been obsessed with at the gym. Here? Now!? Talking to Kyle!?

Amir didn’t seem very interested talking to Bill. His banter was mostly with Kyle as they worked out. The two of them matching their routines and flexing at one another. Bill was practically seething with jealousy as Kyle and Amir tossed their sweaty workout towels at him. They were so lost in their workout and getting to know one another they'd completely forgotten about Bill.

“Hey it’s pretty nice of you to bring your little brother to workout.” Amir smiled as he spotted Kyle.

“Oh that’s my dad. He taught me everything I know about working out.” Kyle corrected, as Bill blushed.

“That so? I’ll have to thank him, because he sure made a handsome son. I hope he won’t mind seeing more of me. Especially if I’m gonna be seeing more of you.” Amir arched an eyebrow and smirked.

Bill’s hands were over his face. His son was gonna start dating his gym crush. It couldn’t get more awkward than this!

[sally-mun]

sorry i keep putting stuff in here but I thought of an interesting question this morning about the guardians. (and I don't mind if this takes you ages to do it's really fine lmao)

Where would you place your Guardians (to make it easier you can do the more 'younger' half of the family) in a ranking of... morally questionable or worse to actually morally good.

My money is on Locke or Sojo being at the bottom maybe unless we're counting Rex aka Tobor

YOU'RE RIGHT THIS DID TAKE ME "AGES" TO REPLY TO I'M SO SORRY.

Honestly tho this is a very interesting question, which is why I didn't want to answer it too quickly. The thing about the Guardians that's easy to lose sight of (as a whole, including those in BH:O we haven't gotten to address yet) is that, for the most part, most of them aren't exactly bad people, they just tend to have really shitty personalities -- or at a MINIMUM, some shitty character traits. On some level I guess I get it because it's a very isolated group that gets more and more repressed and toxic the longer it goes on, but that said I can appreciate the work someone does without wanting to grab a coffee with them.

Anyway, let me see what I can come up with here. I'll do my best.

MOST VIRTUOUS - LEAST VIRTUOUS

Athair: I think it's kind of funny that I'm putting Athair at the topic when he's largely considered a disgrace among the BH itself. But honestly, I think a lot of them know deep down inside that what Athair didn't isn't actually bad, it's just not something that directly benefited them. This is a guy that gave up EVERYTHING in his life, from a pretty young age even, to help others that were desperately in need. Athair did way more than just give up his duties as a Guardian; he gave up his relationships, his home, his reputation (especially for breaking Nemo out of prison) and even just basic comfort. The life he leads with the Lost Tribe is orders of magnitude harder than the life he has on Angel Island, but he willingly chose it because it was the right thing to do.

Sabre: Okay, I think we can all agree that Sabre can be a real tool, but the main reason he was so obnoxious was because he was so frustrated by the sheer volumes of injustice that he couldn't do anything about. He's the sort of person that doesn't let the little things go because he kind of doesn't see anything as a little thing. His sense of justice is one of his main motivations in life. The main reason why I'm ranking him behind Athair is because, while he does do a lot to enact change and also has to risk/give up things that are important to him for his morals, there's not much he can do that could ever really top the incredible sacrifices that Athair had to make for his cause.

Janelle-Li: I would say that she also has a very strong sense of justice, but that's also kind of a natural side effect when you're directly facing discrimination for most of your life. A lot of people, way more than just the Brotherhood, treated her differently simply because she was a woman, so she had plenty of drive to promote change in her world. Janelle did a ton of good for Echidnaopolis and the Brotherhood, but she took a more subtle approach to do so, mostly in the form of leading by example. There's nothing wrong with that, to be sure, but it also results in changes coming at a much slower pace overall, and sometimes it doesn't always drive home why bad behaviors are bad, so there are going to be people that never learn the lesson. I'd like to think that, had she lived longer, maybe she also would've made some bigger, bolder moves as well.

Thunderhawk: There's probably not much I can say here about Thundy that y'all don't already know, because I'm pretty sure he's almost universally everyone's favorite (living) BH member. He has pretty much the same morals as Janelle, and also shares insights into what discrimination and abuse can look like. The main reason he's ranking below her instead of equal with her is that he DOES have a bad habit of drawing lines in the sand once he's come to the conclusion that someone is bad; we saw this both in how he treated Nemo and how he reacted to Locke's treatment of Elias. All of his kind words and empathy go out the window at that point, and it can take quite a lot for him to change his mind again.

Spectre: In an interesting way, I see Spectre in much the same way I see Janelle, but the key difference between them is that he doesn't have nearly as much courage. Janelle was very vocal about her thoughts and feelings and used that as a persuasive tool when fighting adversity, whereas Spectre learned very early on that it was not safe to speak his mind. As a result, he has a strong sense of morality and why things are right or wrong, but he does very little about it. If it's something he can solve with an action, he will absolutely do so, but if it requires a discussion? Spectre is borderline useless in that situation. Unfortunately, strong morals are almost meaningless if you're unable to put them into action.

Sojourner: We all know Sojo's not a pleasant person to be around, and that he can verge into abusive territories when uninterested in holding back. He IS aware that he shouldn't do things like that, but there are two problems there: 1) He may or may not actually feel bad afterwards, depending on how justified he feels to act out, and 2) even when he doesn't feel justified, he still comes up with excuses for why things are fine and he doesn't need to change. It wasn't that bad, they'll be over it soon, it's just the way I am, life isn't fair... etc etc etc, I'm sure we've all heard these excuses before. I mean yeah, it is good that he DOES occasionally call himself out for being shitty, but if he doesn't then adjust his behavior or outlook to reduce and eliminate that quality, then it's functionally the same as not calling himself out at all.

Locke: Pretty sure you guys don't need me to go into detail here, because we all know all too well how many times Locke has crossed the line without looking back. He unfortunately has the perfect mental recipe of 1) recognizing that the things he does hurts others, but 2) convincing himself that doing so is necessary. I won't even tangle this up with the fact that he feels like his actions will be a net positive in the end, because he is DIRECTLY presented with evidence, OVER AND OVER, from lots of different people, that his information is inaccurate, that there exist far less harmful ways to achieve his goals, and that he lacks the consent of those he's affecting. Even with his belief that he's had a vision, even with the fact that he undoubtedly has mental illnesses affecting how he thinks and behaves, he actively chooses the methods that necessarily and irreparably cause others harm, purely to satisfy himself and his needs. I can't even cut him a break from the fact that his illnesses are tainting how he perceives and processes information, because he DID have that period where he was in the hospital and received some of the help he desperately needed and showed a marked improvement even in that short time -- and then chose to return to methods he knew were harmful purely for his own benefit. And unfortunately, there was no more reaching him after that.

MORITORI: MORAL OR...?

I kinda wanted to address Moritori separately from everyone else, and not necessarily because he's not "really" part of the Brotherhood. An argument could be made that he -functionally- is a part of them and therefore counts, but to me that issue is kind of a red herring. The thing to remember about Moritori is that he's playing a very different game, and on a VERY different scale. He doesn't do the horrible things he does simply for shits and giggles, he does them because he's DEEP under cover in enemy territory and trying to systematically weaken his enemies enough so that his side can be victorious. That's not really uncommon or unexpected for someone in his position; he's basically the equivalent of a CIA operative. If he intends to gain any ground for HIS side of the war between the Brotherhood and the Legion, then yeah, he's going to have to get his hands dirty.

So as far as his morality is concerned, I feel like it's kind of not fair to judge him because we're necessarily looking at him as the bad guy, because our POV is implicitly aligned with the Brotherhood's. From a BH perspective, yeah, it's very easy to say that Moritori is a despicable person that does unconscionable things -- but from the Legion's perspective, this guy has made OUTRAGEOUS sacrifices purely for their benefit. He, like Athair, literally had to give up everything in his life in the hopes of helping a people desperately in need -- and he doesn't even get the benefit of BEING with those people like Athair does. Everything he does is motivated by the idea that the Brotherhood needs to be stopped, that the Legion is relying on him, that his family needs him to do these things. If it was someone on our side doing these same things in a Nazi regime during WWII, would we judge our spy for the individual things they had to do, or would we hail them as a war hero for taking down the enemy and saving our people? And if we were to do that, does that mean that the individual acts they had to commit against the other side are now fine? They're still horrible things, but we forgive them for those things in that context. But they still did them, and people suffered for it -- just not our people, so we don't tend to extend that compassion.

Anyway, this is just a very long way to say that Moritori's morals are complicated. He does a LOT of horrible things that hurt a ton of people, but I also think that context is key, and the fact that he's under cover in the middle of a war adds at least some mud to the water. The Brotherhood would consider him less than scum, but the Legion would hail him as one of the greatest heroes of all time for single-handedly taking on the entire Brotherhood to save them. Who's right and who's wrong depends deeply on your point of view.

[lecsainz]

Sneezes and Strategies

pairings: lewis hamilton x driver!reader / max verstappen x driver!reader / sebastian vettel driver!reader / lando norris x driver!reader

warnings: mentions of a possible car crash, sneezing attacks, jokes between the driver’s and seb worried.

authors note: i can't remember if a sneezing fit happened with checo last season? but i simply loved the chaotic energy of this episode with Y/N.

word count: 1,2K

Y/N is preparing for the race, doing some stretching exercises and mentally focusing. She feels confident and excited, knowing that the race will be a challenge, but also an opportunity to show her skills as a driver.

Meanwhile, her team is making the final adjustments to her car, ensuring that everything is perfect before the start. Y/N is listening to the team's instructions through the radio and preparing to focus on the race.

But suddenly, she begins to feel an itch in her nose. She tries to ignore the sensation and continue focusing, but the itch becomes increasingly intense. Then she starts to sneeze once, twice, three times in a row.

Y/N is a bit surprised by the strength of the sneezes, but still tries to focus and keep her attention on the race. She informs her team over the radio that she had a little sneeze attack, but everything is okay.

Her team mechanics, however, become a bit worried and decide to take a look at the car to ensure that everything is safe and ready for the race.

Meanwhile, Y/N tries to focus again and forget the feeling of itchiness in her nose. But soon she realizes that she is about to sneeze again, and this time it is even stronger than before.

The race commentators notice that something is happening with Y/N and begin to wonder if she is dealing with some health problem or something like that. Her team tries to reassure them, saying that it is just a sneezing fit, but they are still worried.

With the start of the race approaching, Y/N tries to calm down and focus on the track. She knows that she cannot let the sneezing fit affect her performance, but she is still worried about the possibility of a new attack.

Finally, the race begins and Y/N manages to stay focused on the track. She makes a good start and positions herself well in the pack. Commentators notice that she seems to be dealing well with the situation, despite the sneezes she had moments before.

Commentator 1: "Well, it looks like our driver Y/N is dealing with an unusual problem here on the track today. She had a sneezing fit just before the start, which can be very uncomfortable for a driver."

Commentator 2: "That's true, it's a very unusual situation. But what's interesting is to see how she's dealing with it. She seems to be keeping calm and focusing on the race."

Commentator 1: "Yes, and her team is also doing a good job of helping her deal with the situation. They're giving real-time updates and helping her make strategic decisions."

Commentator 2: "Definitely, but I have to wonder if this could affect her performance on the track. Sneezing can be a distraction and a driver needs to be 100% focused."

Commentator 1: "Well, she seems to be doing a good job so far. She's staying in the pack and fighting for every position. Of course, we'll have to wait and see if this will affect her performance in the long run."

Commentator 2: "Right, and we can't forget that these sneezes can have physical consequences as well. They can make the eyes water and it can be difficult to see clearly on the track."

Commentator 1: "Yes, and with the speed that these cars are going, any small detail can make a big difference. Let's hope she continues to fight well despite the unexpected situation."

Commentator 2: "Definitely. And let's hope she can overcome these sneezes and show her skill as a driver."

Meanwhile, Y/N's team continues to monitor her performance and ensure that the car is in perfect condition. They know that any technical issue or human error could cost them the race.

Y/N was leading the race when she suddenly started to sneeze uncontrollably. She tried to concentrate, but the irritating feeling wouldn't leave her.

"I'm sneezing a lot here." she said over the radio to the team.

"Understood, Y/N." replied the engineer. "Stay calm and focus, you can deal with this."

But the sneezing only got worse. Y/N did everything she could to avoid a collision, but almost hit the car in front of her.

"What's happening with Y/L/N?" asked one of the race commentators. "She seems to be having some difficulties on the track."

"Yes, it seems like she's having a sneezing attack." replied the other commentator. "That's definitely something that can affect a driver´s performance."

Y/N tried to focus again, but the sneezing continued. She finally managed to hold back a bit, but the sensation still bothered her.

"I can't take it anymore." she said over the radio, already frustrated.

"We're bringing you to the pit, Y/N." said the engineer. "We can clean your visor and drink some water, maybe it'll help."

As she entered the pit, the team quickly cleaned her visor. Y/N felt relieved, but still a bit embarrassed.

"It was a funny situation." she told the team on the radio as she returned to the track. "I can't believe I almost caused an accident because of a sneeze."

After the sneezing fit, Y/N was able to recover and focus on the race. She positioned herself well in the pack, maintaining a good pace and fighting for every position.

Her team was monitoring her performance and providing updates on the track situation, helping her make real-time strategic decisions.

Despite some moments of tension, fierce competition on the track, and a few sneezes, she was able to keep her cool and continue to fight for position, overtaking some of her opponents and staying ahead of others.

When the checkered flag fell, Y/N finished the race in a solid position, celebrating with the team in the pit lane. She was happy to have overcome the sneezing challenge and demonstrated her skill as a driver.

After the race, Y/N met with some journalists and fellow drivers in the pit lane. They congratulated her on her race and asked about her sneezing fit before the start.

Y/N laughed and said, "It was a little embarrassing, but I was able to overcome it and focus on the race. I think it was a good warm-up for the nose muscles!"

The journalists laughed and began to ask some more technical questions about Y/N's performance on the track. She patiently answered, explaining her strategic choices and how she was able to overtake some of her opponents.

Meanwhile, some drivers came over to congratulate and praise her for her race. Lewis was one of the first to joke, saying, "I thought I was going to have to lend you a tissue out there on the track!"

Max also didn't miss the chance to make a joke: "Watch out for those sneezes, Y/N! They might make you lose the race!"

Lando, who was also nearby, began to make jokes about Y/N's sneezing fit. "Hey, do you think you could lend us some sneezes? Maybe it would help us get a good position in the next race." he said, laughing.

Y/N laughed along with them, but also explained that the sneezing fit was really unexpected and a little concerning. That's when she ran into Vettel, who was a little worried about the situation.

"Are you feeling okay, Y/N? It's not normal to have a sneezing attack like that." Vettel said, looking concerned.

She explained that everything was fine and that the sneezing fit was just an unfortunate coincidence. Vettel was relieved to hear that and wished Y/N good luck in the next race.

"Thanks, Seb! I hope in the next race I won't have to deal with any sneezes!" Y/N replied, smiling.

[swampstew]

You Picked Dare

Summary: Why the hell would you play truth or dare with a bunch of pirates? Warnings: nsfw but mostly language and suggestive content, no actual smut, Kid Pirates being the Kid Pirates. Killer x Female reader x Kid

Inspired by the mega awesome @magnuspirate who did this delighful tease of two hunky hunks hunking around

Dare.

Dare. 

Dare.

Your bold statement had come out smug and confident, echoing in your head with a twinge of regret.

The Dare was to go into the hot springs and take a photo – of Killer and your Captain. Damn the others for knowing your kryptonite.

There was an opt-out option – to clean the communal bathrooms for a month. No fucking way.

As you walked through the island you took nervous hits of your blunt to ease the butterflies in your stomach. All you had to do was take a picture. There were no restrictions, you could be seen or hidden, as long as you got a photo of them that was all you needed to escape this torturous dare disguised as a group bonding activity.

Fuck the crew! You loved them but also fuck them. You were gonna get them back.

About a hundred yards away from the hot spring you took a final drag and snuffed out the remaining blunt. Giving yourself an internal pep talk as you took each step.

‘Position self behind a bush. Snap a picture. Sneak away and then run like the devil’s on my heels.’

Picturing your devil of a captain, your stomach coiled with anxiousness. Oh how you wished you could light up the roach.

Creeping between the foliage, you could hear Kid and Killer talking to each other in relaxed conversation. They didn’t appear to notice you, silently cursing as you realized they were still too far to take a photo.

Tip toeing on the patches of grass, you could make out their conversation more clearly.

“Ya ever think about sleeping with someone on the crew?” Kid suddenly asked Killer. You nearly fell over yourself when you heard the statement.

“Once in a while, rarely act on it though. You?” Killer mused.

“All the time.”

“Horn dog,” Killer scoffed.

“Can ya blame me? All our girls are hot as fuck.”

“Yeah, but I also see most of them as sisters…”

“You’re so pure,” Kid laughed. “Yeah they’re family, but they’re also not. I’m not saying I’d do anything about it either but it’s tempting some times.”

You felt as if you weren’t breathing, skillfully crawling around the shrubs eager to hear and see more, as silent as the dead. One breath and they were sure to discover you.

“Ahh is this about Y/N again?”

Time stopped. Your heart stopped. You didn’t dare move.

“Could be,” there was a tilt in Kid’s voice. “Don’t pretend you don’t think about her and what it could be like.”

“You’re being vulgar, which isn’t surprising, but what do you expect me to say? ‘Sure Kid I’ll bow out from another person of interest to give you the advantage as your friend.’” Killer legitimately sounded a little mad. Well like, personal hurt mad, not crazy mad which he was every single second.

“I’m a man with needs too. And I LIKE her.”

You wished to be a small lizard so you could watch them argue about you. Maybe the blunt was laced with something – wouldn’t put it past your crew to be honest.

Low growling preceded a laugh, and you could hear the sound of water splashing. Oh to the gods to be a fish in that spring.

“Alright fair enough. Would it make you feel better if we do it together? It’d be her choice who she’d choose no matter what, no hurt fee fees over it. Maybe if we come at her with a multi-partner thing, 50/50 she agrees?”

“Kid!”

“60/40?”

“Stop it.”

“Damn 10/90?”

More splashing of water, waves of it crashing over your coverage and wetting your clothes. Practicing your breathing exercises, you mentally pumped yourself up to get it over with. One snap and bam, you’re gone.

“What if we show her our dicks first?”

“KID!”

“Whadd’ya say Y/N? Wanna check the goods before you sample them?” Kid couldn’t hold back his laughter.

Gods be damned. They all sucked.

Gathering the last ounce of dignity and lighting your roach, you jumped out from behind the foliage with your camera, looking to the side as you snapped the picture. Whether is was worthy enough to pass was no longer your priority.

“IT WAS A DARE!!!!” you screeched as your turned on your heel and bolted. You poor thing, you didn’t make it past 1 yard.

“Oh you’re not going anywhere, Y/N,” Kid taunted as Killer wrapped his arms around you and picked you up. His towel becoming loose and distressed from your struggling. Bringing you back to the hot spring.

Taking the camera, Kid tossed it in the water with the smuggest face a motherfucker could make.

“We showed you ours, now we dare you to show yours.”

[istoleyoursk1n]

I’d love a take on like mental health disabilities. Where it isn’t physical, but your mental health issues are severe enough that they impact your life. Like panic disorder or mood disorders (e.g bipolar disorder type 1 or 2). These often do have physical symptoms but differ from physical disabilities. Also MH issues can be massively triggered by poor sleep, I think the companions would make the connection. Perhaps that’s what clues them in? I’m up for anything! I am most interested in: Gale, Wyll, and Astarion in that order! Blessings to you in this season!🤍

•❅───────────✧❅✦❅✧───────────❅•

How would the boys react to a Tav with mental health issues?

.

.

: ̗̀➛ GALE

He’s been concerned for you the moment he awoke to you still wandering about the camp in the late hours of the morning. You would insist that you’d head right back to sleep but you never seem to do so.

Not just that, but the fact that you hardly eat as much as the others concerns him. He assumed it was due to your self proclaimed ‘small-appetite’ but this was getting too far.

It was difficult at first to work his way around your constant mood swings. You were unpredictable but he didn't want to come off as overbearing.

Over time, he’d come to learn and soon enough understand whatever’s troubling you. He simply couldn't leave you to your own devices, not when there's something clearly bothering you beyond the stress of the absolute and whatnot.

Discovering your mental issues was a situation he handled as gently as possible, trying to figure out where these issues could have stemmed from.

For once he's not rambling, allowing you to speak aloud and vent out all your frustrations and sorrows as he sits there, attentively listening to each one.

It was heartbreaking for him to hear about everything that's been on your mind but he’ll figure out a way to make it better with you. Having you trust him enough to say all this was just the push he needed for him to give you his unyielding support.

From then on, he planned out ways to help out. Whether that be casting a sleep spell on you (with your consent) or eating beside you to monitor your food intake, he suddenly becomes the perfect caretaker. If you didn't have the energy to take care of yourself, he was there to tend to you.

He’ll constantly encourage you to voice or write down your concerns whenever it all gets too much, staying there right by your side to provide whatever comfort he can. He could even cast a spell or two to alleviate some of the stress that had lingered into your mind.

And if you ever get a sudden panic attack? Don't worry, he’ll be right there to guide you through it, implementing breathing exercises he had learned and love-filled words of reassurance to get you to calm down.

Through thick and thin, he's by your side, handling each problem you face step by step.

: ̗̀➛ WYLL

Your lack of energy during battles was something he immediately noticed. It was nothing something that could be knocked down by inexperience at all, this was something very different and he could sense it.

Even the way you walked and talked at times sounded oddly… tired and while this entire journey was quite exhausting, this was beyond that.

At first, he confronted you about it, asking if there was something troubling you and whatnot but you never seemed to give him the honest answer.

It was upsetting him, even frustrating at times but he knew better than to lash out at someone who was clearly going through something. He just had to understand you better.

It took him a while to get there, especially with your mood swings and defensive behavior but that didn't deter him one bit. What would usually lead to heated arguments for most was instead him atempting to soothe you.

His heart practically shattered the first time you finally broke down in front of him, pouring your own heart out for him to hold in the hopes that it would be in good hands.

Thankfully, he handled it with care, cradling you gently in his embrace the moment tears began to fall. Every plea, whisper, and cry was another reason for him to shower you with an endless amount of love.

You came to him shattered, but he would be more than willing to pick up and kiss every piece, being there for you in the moments when it felt as though the world was simply getting too much.

He would be the one to encourage you both to talk, allowing you to express your concerns and all your troubles whilst you both try to figure out a way to tend to each other.

He’d do whatever he could to keep you happy, going out of his way to bring you your favorite flowers to make you feel better. He truly cares for you and he’d gift you the world if he could.

: ̗̀➛ ASTARION

The bully 2.0

Had little regard for you at first, your obvious signs of exhaustion and stress only made him want to poke at you more. A jab here, a jab there, he was being as snarky as always without realizing its effects.

However, somewhere along the line, you snapped at him in a way that almost made him cower. It reminded him too much of certain memories he dared not discuss so openly.

You were angry but also pained, a fury of emotions he couldn't help but feel saddened by. Such sorrow was being directed straight at him and the petty remarks that would usually come from him after such an outburst were gone.

He can see your pain, your suffering, that something was going on… and that perhaps this time, he shouldn't be pushing you even further.

Was it guilt that he felt? Maybe. However, the aching feeling gnawing at his chest made him want to treat you better.

It was difficult at first, he had no idea how to predict or go about it all without you lashing at him but he was persistent.

He had put his false facade away just to apologize, to help understand you at a level where he could finally see what’s been troubling that mind of yours. It was certainly something he’d never find himself doing but for you? He’ll try.

Suddenly, he's talking to you in a softer tone, treating you as gently as he could without being too pushy or forward. He’d do what he could to help you vent out everything you've kept inside, piecing the pieces of the elaborate puzzle that is you.

He’d be there to calm you when the storm in your head gets too hard to control, a storm he would make the effort to weather in hopes that in the end, it would bring you both peace.

On those cold nights when you can't bring yourself to sleep, he’d be there to stay up with you, staying by your side until you both fall fast asleep or to listen to every concern you may have.

And if it helps, perhaps slaying a goblin or two would reduce the stress. However, if violence is quite your forte, allow him to stitch up a small little plush for you in his free time. Something to keep you happy (as he curses for pricking himself with the needle.)

For you have grown to be someone he deeply cares for, someone who he wants to protect and treasure, flaws and all. He knows what it's like to carry such a heavy mental toll on yourself, and he hopes that you and him can get through these issues together.

•❅───────────✧❅✦❅✧───────────❅•

[thatgentlewife]

Living a Slow and Purposeful Life in a Busy World 🐚🍄‍🟫🌞✨

In a culture that celebrates busyness and productivity, it’s easy to feel like you’re always running out of time. Social media can make this worse by constantly showing us others’ achievements, travels, and seemingly perfect lives. But life doesn’t have to feel like a race. Choosing to slow down and live more intentionally can lead to greater fulfillment, deeper relationships, and a clearer sense of purpose.

(I wrote a similar post for Christian’s if you’re interest that as well)

Here’s how you can embrace a slower, more meaningful life:

1. Start Each Day with Intention

Instead of jumping into the day with your phone or to-do list, take a few minutes to reflect on what truly matters. Journaling, meditating, or simply sitting quietly can help you set the tone for the day.

Tip: Write down three things you’re grateful for each morning. Gratitude can shift your focus from what you need to do to what you already have.

2. Put People First

Rushing through life often means we miss out on meaningful connections. Prioritize quality time with friends and family, and be fully present when you’re with them. Listening, sharing, and laughing together can bring more joy than any achievement.

Tip: Schedule time for loved ones the way you would for important meetings or tasks.

3. Simplify Your Commitments

Overcommitting is a major source of stress and overwhelm. Take a closer look at your schedule and identify what truly adds value to your life. It’s okay to say no to things that don’t align with your priorities.

Tip: Ask yourself, Does this activity energize me or drain me? Let that guide your decisions.

4. Be Mindful of Social Media

Social media can make us feel like we’re not doing enough, as we compare ourselves to the highlight reels of others. Limiting your time online can free up mental space and help you focus on your own path.

Tip: Turn off notifications and set time limits for apps that cause stress or comparison. Consider unfollowing accounts that make you feel inadequate.

5. Embrace Rest and Leisure

Rest is essential, not a luxury. Taking breaks to relax, daydream, or engage in hobbies helps you recharge and approach life with more creativity and patience.

Tip: Plan downtime into your week, whether it’s reading a book, taking a walk, or simply doing nothing.

6. Practice Living in the Moment

It’s easy to get caught up in planning for the future or dwelling on the past. Slowing down means focusing on the present, whether you’re sharing a meal, working on a project, or simply breathing deeply.

Tip: Try mindfulness exercises like paying attention to your senses or taking a few deep breaths to anchor yourself in the here and now.

7. Redefine Success

Success doesn’t have to mean being the busiest or most accomplished. Consider what truly makes you happy and fulfilled. For many, success is about meaningful relationships, personal growth, and enjoying life—not checking off endless tasks.

Tip: Define your own version of success. What brings you joy and purpose? Focus on that instead of chasing society’s expectations.

8. Let Go of Perfectionism

Striving for perfection can leave you feeling burned out and anxious. Instead, embrace progress over perfection. Mistakes and imperfections are a natural part of life and often lead to growth.

Tip: Give yourself permission to do things “good enough” rather than aiming for an unattainable ideal.

9. Celebrate Small Wins

Slowing down doesn’t mean giving up on your goals—it means appreciating the journey. Take time to acknowledge your progress and celebrate small accomplishments along the way.

Tip: Keep a journal of your wins, no matter how small, to remind yourself of how far you’ve come.

Final Thought

Living a slower, more purposeful life is about finding balance and focusing on what truly matters. It’s not about doing less but about doing what adds value to your life and makes you feel connected to yourself and others. By stepping back from the rush, you can create space to breathe, grow, and enjoy the beauty of the present moment.

“Life isn’t about the number of breaths we take, but the moments that take our breath away.”

With love,

Thatgentlewife

[quitealotofsodapop]

I can see in the event of an au where Wukong and Luzhen had hat he's together being interesting.

Wukong would probably still be the older twin and the one to become the Monkey King, I imagine it'd be a difference of Wukong hatching and his lazer eyes, instead of hitting the Jade Palace, accidentally opens a hole in the ground where Luzhen's egg was and Shitougushi recognizing the petrified monkey as the Consort and therefore the egg is Shihou's sibling.

I can see Wukong still becoming the Monkey King and eventually the Great Sage, but with a bit of a difference personality since he has his twin there won't feel as much pressure to be perfect. Meaning his quieter and more wallflower tendencies are easier to see. People misunderstand that for aloofness or arrogance.

He still ends up under the mountain eventually tho, Luzhen hadn't been a part of the Brotherhood and had been on his own Journey of Self Discovery when he learns his big brother was imprisoned. He will never let his sweet, shy older twin forget it. It's too funny for him to think of since they all had thought Luzhen would be the one to end up in a bad crowd, not Wukong!

Adult Luzhen, to me, feels a bit like Porty. A bit of a party animal, bit of a playboy, all Rockstar energy. The difference is that he isn't so over the top. This is only in the hypothetical au where he grew up as the Great Sage's twin brother and not where he hatches later and is adopted by his brother as another child. Again, this is because they didn't have much of a proper parental figure outside of the Elder, who died when they were both young.

Since Luzhen is there, you can BET Macaque had to go through HURDLES to get his blessing to court Wukong. Don't get them wrong, Luzhen had been teasing his twin for centuries about his crush on the Lotus Ear, but he sure as heck isn't gonna let that stop him from exercising his sibling rights. When he learns about the fight under the mountain he outright banished Macaque from the island until Wukong is allowed to return home (so not until after the Journey since every time he returned home he had to leave again). The Brotherhood recieve similar treatment, which may contribute to their belief that Wukong is a traitor. He doesn't play play games, especially when it comes to his considerably stronger but more shy twin and the people who put him in that position to begin with.

Zu Baije, who had not known Wukong was a twin since Luzhen was gone throughout the entire time Wukong was dealing with Heaven, was outraged to discover there were TWO of them and the one they got was actually the SHY one!

Prev.

The Super Monkey Bros.

I love the mental imagery of Luzhen being like Wukong's version of Porty MK - the blue-eyed monkey being so much more active and bombastic than his older brother.

I feel like Luzhen's personality is a lot like Netflix's Monkey King in a way; far more immature and reckless, but ultimately just seeking purpose and affection.

(Which now is making me think of a Wukongverse au where All the monkeys are brothers/surviving Stone Eggs who got mistaken for the same figure over time)

And poor Macaque XD he thought the Stalwarts, DBK, and Guanyin aere bad enough, wait till he reaches the final boss that is Wukong's Protective Little Brother.

I like the idea of Luzhen going on his own Journey during the 500 years Wukong is imprisoned. Perhaps occassionally coming home to FFM to govern and beat up hunters threatening their people. And the make sure Macaque knows he's still banned from speaking to his big brother for hurting his feelings so badly.

Luzhen spreads the story of Sun Wukong in his own way through song, strumming on a Qinqin or tapping on a drum about his big brother's exploits.

And of course even in trying to keep hinself out of trouble, Luzhen still causes trademark monkey mischief, causing people to wonder if Sun Wukong has already been released.

Zhu Bajie, learning that the Monkey King is a travel buddy: "Oh hell yeah! This is gonna be fun!" Only to learn to his horror and disappointment that there's two monkeys considered king, and he's stuck with the studious lightweight nerd one. XD

Dont think Tripitaka would be able to put a circlet on Luzhen if the little brother monkey was there for the Journey, but Wukong would be able to keep him on good behavior.

Its an interesting au to consider

[justanotherwriter140]

Kung Fu Panda 2 Scene Analysis + Discussion Post

Hey, all! Here's a KFP2 scene analysis because I felt like it. 🤷‍♀️

I have an itch to scratch and I'm going to make all of you read about it. I've been revisiting KFP2's remarkable storytelling methods—namely for conveying strong emotions without relying on dialogue and putting more faith in the narrative—and when I got to the harbor scene, I couldn't help but write something up on it. In general, writing short essays on scenes/sequences is a great writing exercise that I would recommend for fellow writers because it's a big help when you're trying to emulate a certain style or feel in your work. KFP2 is a great movie and I love it, so I often refer back to it when I'm struggling.

In short, this is me gushing. I know as a fandom we've talked this part of the movie to death a hundred times over, but it's a scene that deserves it. I'm going to be focusing on the aspects of it that interest me most, but the final battle following this scene is just as worthy of being fawned over. I am a KFP fan through-and-through and every scene (in this film especially) deserves its own discussion post. Unfortunately, I'm employed.

I've never done a dedicated sequence analysis before, but I've been delving back into studying animation and that paired with my long-time love for storytelling is more than enough to make me want to do a Tumblr deep dive on this 20~ second master-class in storytelling.

To begin, let's take a look at what's happening here:

Po swims to Tigress to make sure that she's okay. He holds her hand and gets close to her, which is something we can assume he would never do otherwise. I'll cite the attack-hug; we witnessed his (albeit completely understandable) reaction to Tigress initiating physical contact, and his instinct was to freeze in place. It tells us that physical contact is uncommon and maybe even a little awkward for them, and yet, he grabs her hand without hesitation.

My heart...ugh. I was little when this came out and I was STUPEFIED. I also realized I wanted to make movies, though, so I guess it worked out. 🤷‍♀️

Plus the little thumb-hold from Tigress. I'm nauseous. Kill me.

It's also worth mentioning that despite the fact that Po audibly says her name, she doesn't respond to hearing him. She responds to feeling him. She doesn't start to lift her head until he touches her.

Earlier in the film, it had been made a point that she "feels nothing," which was intended to refer to both her hands and her emotions. She physically and mentally beat herself up for 20 years until she couldn't feel the hurt anymore.

Even so, it only takes Po to unravel that. This is the movie further cementing the franchise-long theme of Po bringing inner peace to the valley. On a more personal note, it's also the movie telling us that Tigress's jadedness only goes as far as she lets it. She is capable of recovery, capable of feeling—it only matters that she allows herself to have those moments.

She looks up. She's relieved. She couldn't save China, but she saved Po. She didn't fail in protecting him this time. She did her job. There's a beautiful contrast between what she's feeling and what he's feeling but they share a point—kind of like a venn diagram. Both feel some kind of relief, however brief. As for their differences, Tigress's defiance is weakened and Po's is ignited. He takes on that weight for her.

The way her head slowly falls back down makes me think she's too exhausted to keep her head up any longer. She had used all of her strength to hold onto Po and look fully at him, face to face, to be sure he was alright. Tigress is the most capable member of the group, but where her most important strength lies is revealed here as well as in the rest of KFP2: in her compassion and care for others.

Po looks at Shen with scathing, genuine contempt. He's taken away too many people Po loves, and Po won't let him take away another. He's thinking about the valley, about his friends, Mr. Ping, and his duty to defend China and bring evil-doers to justice. We see the resolve in his eyes. He'll do what he has to.

The angle of the image is also worth mentioning. With the way the "camera" is tilted—now at a direct eye-level as opposed to a few shots before when Po was almost slouching below mid-frame—Po looks bigger in this shot. He's being framed as a protector. Defender of China. The Dragon Warrior. He's really, truly stepping into this role.

Tigress bows her head and Po takes on the weight, which is a huge contrast to the rest of the film. Before this scene, Tigress is the one being strong, being smart, taking charge, and leading the group. Throughout the mission, Po was consistently reckless, stubborn, and distracted. We know why. This bit is his amendment. This is him saying and meaning, "I've got this."

And then he pushes Tigress away. The little look I caught in this screenshot lingers for only two~ seconds, but what I love about animation is that everything is intentional. He watches her float away for an extra few seconds because it meant something to someone that he did.

AND THEN SHE REACHES FOR HIM. Whose idea was this? We need to have some words. You guys were evil and I love it.

She's exhausted, hurt, and is likely carrying the crushing weight of China's defeat on her shoulders, and yet, she reaches for him. It wouldn't even be for her own comfort, either, but because she still has the urge to save him. Even in her state of being borderline unconscious, she still has that instinct—that care. She can't watch her friend be killed.

I pause on this whenever I watch this scene over. To me, this frame perfectly encapsulates Po as a character. We see him facing impending doom in the form of a massive ship with a monstrous-looking cannon strapped to the front, harboring a psychotic peacock fully intending to kill him—just like he killed Po's mother—when he gets the shot.

Despite this, Po only pushes Tigress—a loved one, and while it's far more impactful to the story that it was her, it could have been anyone and the point still stands—out of the way. He moves her out of the line of fire and lures the danger away. That simple action of pushing her away is the epitome of "show, don't tell" used correctly and tells the audience everything we need to know.

And then he goes and stands on a floating chunk of fallen ship (not even solid ground!) and fights solo against an entire fleet of weaponized ships. And then he wins in what's arguably the coolest, most badass way possible.

This—this frame, not the fight itself—is easily his most heroic and selfless moment and it's my favorite frame in the KFP trilogy.

Thanks to all who read this through for indulging my intense love for this specific sequence! This analysis isn't objective, obviously, so if there are any disagreements, I'd really like to talk about them! I'm always looking for different perspectives and ideas, and I'm sure there's a fan somewhere who interpreted this scene wildly differently. I'd also just really love to hear any additional thoughts if there's something I missed. And if another scene gets you super excited like this one does for me, tell me all about it!

An update for my readers: Chapter 6 of The Days is well on its way and I can't wait to share it with you—there's some fun stuff in there and I'm really excited to post it. Thanks for reading, guys! :)

[kbenvs3000f24]

The final blog post

I have spent my life interpreting nature even before I realized it. I seek nature’s interpretation to expand knowledge, interest and enthusiasm (Beck et al. 2018, p.12). I have often found myself interpreting through museums, campgrounds, hikes, and visitors centres. Over the years, as my knowledge of the connections and interactions within nature expands, my interpretations become more applicable to my education, allowing me to exercise and expand my learned knowledge. When I am interpreting, there are several things I look to achieve and take away from the experience. This course specifically has taught me to allow my interpretations to be more open-minded, allowing me to see the connections when I reflect on my past experiences interpreting the world (Beck et al. 2018, pg. 13). These connections help me understand why something made me feel a certain way, or why a specific event might be so clear in my memory. This course has taught me to feel and connect my emotions through interpretation, whether it be art, nature, or music. In terms of my personal ethics regarding interpretation, I will never be the person to push boundaries within interpretation for the amusement of my own fascination. Pushing these boundaries offers risk of losing opportunities for anyone else which is not ethical. When at a museum if they say don’t touch something, regardless of if touching it will impact it’s quality I will not touch it. Or if on a hike and there’s a sign stating that these rocks are sensitive don’t step on them I would not push the boundaries for the security of knowing that others will get the same experience when they visit. I feel these are ethics and morals that should go without said, especially for people who often visit nature and might be seen as a role model. I am so strict within these rules for myself because I can recall one time my family was viewing these rocks on a hike in northern Ontario that were so impressively balanced on each other for hundreds of years, and just days before we visited, one of them had been pushed over by people who ignored the boundaries and it was so disappointing for us. 

In terms of my personal beliefs regarding interpretation, I am often fascinated by observing and thinking or discussing with others. Especially in natures surroundings like hikes, I do not feel the need to interact or disturb nature’s processes, rather observe with fascination and apply my knowledge. I feel this allows for a more successful interpretation because you are watching experiences that would occur if you were or were not there. When watching nature, it is so interesting to wonder. When watching the squirrels, I love wondering what their mental processes are at the moment of our interaction. This goes hand in hand with the ethics of respecting boundaries. As someone who is in school for zoology, people are starting to come to me for questions about certain animals or situations within nature. People are starting to look towards me to feel comfortable within nature and that tells me I need to work even harder to be the best role model possible.

As someone who is very passionate and becoming educated about the contexts of natures and its interactions, there are several things I am responsible for when it comes to interpreting nature. I am a part of a group of people who are responsible for the quality of our nature and its future. Although I do not work or display myself in public opportunities for interpretation, I do have goals for my future. In whatever I might enroll myself in I have the responsibility to maintain accuracy of information, ethical information, and I will never share a belief for the point of pleasing others, I will always spread information that I also believe in and feel passion towards (Beck et al., 2018 p. 37). In my personal life, my responsibilities include the maintenance of stewardship to stay connected with the goals, beliefs, and cultural morals that portray themselves within whatever I might be interpreting (Beck et al., 2018 p. 37). This will allow for the stories, connections and history expression to stay present (Beck et al., 2018, p. 37).

I work at a dog boarding and daycare facility and I always love answering peoples questions about dog behaviour, why they do certain things, and further informing people on how their dogs might thrive better. All of my answers to peoples questions come from experience, and knowledge. My enjoyment of answering these questions tells me I would thrive in a position where this situation can be applied to nature. I have considered working at trailer parks, or volunteering to do nature lessons with rescued animals, and as someone who might have this future role, there are many responsibilities. These include but are not limited to, the promotion of knowledge towards conservation, educating people on how they can improve themselves or just educating to make more people aware of an issue, engaging people within my lessons without creating disruption, and applying the knowledge to other scenarios like cultures, beliefs, or background information. All this would be present while demonstrating ethical behaviour myself. I can be successful in an advocacy educational role by applying knowledge learned from this course, like different learning behaviours, understanding how to grasp the attention of diverse audiences, and understanding where I would fit in best to educate my audience.

These blog posts have forced me to interpret my life experiences through a new lens. They have allowed me to explore my emotional connections and understand my memories. In an ideal world where I have more time, I would enjoy beginning to journal because connecting my blog posts with my thoughts is something I have enjoyed doing. Starting a journal as inspiration from these blog posts would allow me to deeply understand myself and I also enjoy going back and reading my initial interpretations of the blog prompts to see how I would change my answer now. Finally, this course has taught me that I have unknowingly been interpreting nature this whole time. 

 Reference

Beck, L., Cable, T. T., Knudson, D. M. (2018). Interpreting Cultural and Natural Heritage: For a Better World. Sagamore Publishing LLC.                   https://sagamore.vitalsource.com/books/9781571678669

[dyke-quixote]

It almost feels you could partially equate blood to medications for depression and stuff like that. Dadqui breaking through and assuming the others could do the same is like those people who go "Just exercise more! It worked for me!" Yeah, it can help, but not the same way for everyone.

Of course there's also the general addiction themeing too and the fact that drinking blood in a satisfying way inherently harms humans, so it's not as harmless as antidepressants are to society IRL. And I don't think there's an anti-medication message or anything, maybe more than idea that these things have to work in tandem and maybe one day you'll be in a good position in life to wean off them. Going cold turkey on any kind of drug is not fun.

Exactly!!!

Quixote's dream worked for him and Sancho ONLY because it was specific to their interests. While finding a dream would help for others, it would need to be something they found and curated themselves. It's while none of Quixote's previous interests stuck and why the family is surprised that this one did.

Quixote just couldn't wrap his dumbass head around why HIS dream wouldn't help others. Sancho already had interest in Bari's tales and I feel like Quixote took this as proof it would work with anyone even though it only worked for Sancho because she was interested even if she tried to hide it.

I really like the comparison to mental illness and medication, yes. Recovery as a whole takes effort, and usually medication and therapy. And even when you finally get into a good headspace, you may still need medication which is where nonhuman blood or hemobars could come in with this comparison.

I think depression and mental illness is definitely the image PM is trying to conjure since Bloodfiends seem to parallel the disease of the mind Carmen discovered which also mirrors depression.

[my-castles-crumbling]

Hey it’s midnights anon! I’m feeling really good about my body (I’ve been exercising more, and I feel REALLY strong :D) and my gender and sexuality (I’m a gay demiboy, or maybe bi with a preference for guys) and I have a few quotations about life and stuff.

1: do neurotypical people feel the need to intensely schedule every moment of everyday? Am I supposed to schedule my weekends and just do whatever I want? What happens if my depression just prevents me from doing anything?

2: Am I still valid as a trans person if I don’t want bottom surgery and don’t really want top surgery?

3: how do I live the “teenage experience”? Meet people outside of school (I’m probably gonna get more freedom when my parents FINALLY teach me how to buy a bike when they finally buy it) and find someone who likes the same things I like? I want to go to forests and recite plays and poetry and stuff with someone. How do I live deliberately with other people? My parents kinda keep me trapped in a way, they ignore me a lot of times and don’t let me exist away from them very often (like in my room alone), and I never see another person my age out and about (no seriously, the last time I saw a group of teenagers my age was in July)

-(also sorry for rambling)-

4:how do I get more mental stamina? Like with going outside, hanging out with people, being out of my home, etc.

How does one exist?

Thank you for reading! Have a lovely new year! <3

Hi my love! I'm so glad you're feeling good about yourself.

I....am not neurotypical so I'm not sure. I mean I think a lot of people use schedules, but probably not to the intensity of some neurospicy people. I think it's good to remember that it's okay to have do-nothing days, though. Like it's okay to have a day with no schedule, because even though that feels like it's not productive, it IS productive to take care of yourself by allowing yourself a break. If it becomes the ONLY thing you can do, then yeah, that might be something to think about, but it's okay to have a do-nothing day <3

You are a THOUSAND percent valid as a trans person no matter what you do or do not do to your body.

Could you start by joining a club? A lot of times parents are better about kids joining clubs because they're through school, and when you meet people in clubs, you know you have at least one common interest

Give yourself breaks. I now it sounds counterintuitive but if you give yourself little breaks during social time (go to the bathroom and scroll on your phone, go outside and pretend to take a phone call) it allows you to be able to recharge even a tiny bit and last longer.

Good luck!

[haptronym]

(Im sorry for so many questions) Between Toshinori and Izuku, if one or the other died, who do you think would take it worse? And who do you think would handle the aftermath better? How do you think each of them would react to witnessing it/finding out?

What an interesting question!

There is the obvious answer that, if Toshinori died, Izuku would instantly get a Force Ghost version of him in his head to chat with forever and ever. He wouldn't be truly gone; he might even be able to be more accessible to Izuku than ever before. This would skew my answer a lot. While I think it would be really cool to see a story that explored the subtle pain and grief of "losing" someone in all aspects except for a mental projection, I'd rather just pretend that part doesn't apply here. Maybe OFA got destroyed, or Izuku passed it on to someone else. In that case…

Izuku's waterworks are one of his defining traits. He's gotten far more stoic over the years, but I am sure this would bypass all that progress. He would be inconsolable, losing the person who shaped his life since he was a baby.

At the same time, Izuku has spent the series growing a strong, healthy network of people who support him. He has family and teachers and friends. He'd cry, a lot, but he'd be able to do so on plenty of shoulders. And he has a lot going on in his life! He has a career to start, he has adulthood looming - he has so much to look forward to, and so much of it became possible thanks to Toshinori.

It would hurt each time he hit a milestone, I imagine - to get on the hero charts for the first time, or do his first big fundraiser, and not be able to share that success with the person who gave him the chance to do so. I would never say that a person's death is "good" for someone, but I think it would be something that spurred Izuku on. "I'm blessed to have been able to know him at all," I could see him saying. "He would want me to keep doing my best."

Izuku loves to ruminate. I am sure he'd never be able to fully stop wrestling over how he could have changed fate and been able to stay by Toshinori's side just a little longer. But everyone dies someday. Toshinori lived a long, full life, and left behind an incredible legacy, one that Izuku proudly helps keep alive in his stead.

Toshinori, I think, would look far less devastated by comparison. He is stoic and solution-focused. He would probably be comforting Izuku's friends and family and doing his best to fix things as best he could. That's what he loves, after all: being of service to others.

But Izuku's passing wouldn't feel like a neatly finished chapter in a book. Old people die, but young people aren't supposed to. Losing someone so bright and talented with so much ahead of him… what a senseless, unfair waste it would be.

And what a blow it would be to Toshinori. After everything he's been through, he finally found someone like him, someone with his heroic spirit, someone who changed his life and his whole way of thinking. He already lost his health, his quirk, and most of his life. To lose Izuku too, after all that, would be unimaginably painful and cruel. His brightest light, snuffed out too soon. And we know how much Toshinori beats himself up about not being able to save people.

Toshinori is a resilient person. He's been through tragedy before, and he bounced back. I don't think he'd break down and become a ruined hollow shell of his former self. But when it came to the private, unseen pain, I think Izuku's passing would harm him far more deeply than the inverse.

So it's interesting: I think Izuku would appear far more wrecked in the short term, but would ultimately heal and be able to carry on and live a full and rich life. Toshinori would seem far less affected, but it would be a crippling loss for him.

That was a fun mental exercise, thanks anon.

[bumblingbabooshka]

(anon from before) ok that is genuinely so hilarious to me but what I meant was what do you think of it as a meditation tool/nugget of Tuvok and Vulcan lore? It reminds me a lot of your fic about Vulcan bonds being like a house. (<- a horrible summary of your beautiful fic I do apologize but I hope you know what I mean) in that the final form/shape is ever changing depending on a persons mental state. The imagery of the (silly little) structure that Tuvok was building in that episode toppling over with him saying “I am in control” and because he was mentally unwell (with the telepathic std lmao) gives me like,,,, “the structure of your home/the metaphorical rug being pulled out from under you after u got transported 70,000 light years away from your bondmate and entire world and network of bonds” vibes.

Side note I think that it has great potential as a physical representation of a failing Vulcan marriage/betrothal in a hypothetical SNW T’pring/Spock episode. <- if I had my way in the SNW writers room, all hell would break loose lmao

Is there a real connection? Am I just fangirling over your fics? We shall never know (one of those is certainly the case)

Original Ask: Thoughts on the Keethera? (Tuvok’s block puzzle thing from s3 ep2) <- At the time I had no thoughts as I didn't understand what anon was asking. The Keethera is very interesting. I've said this before but it's interesting and indicative of his character that the two games/meditation exercises we see Tuvok partaking in are the Keethera and Kal-Toh, both of which do not have a hard and fast ideal or win-state and are meant to show the person or people building them something about themselves. It's very much unlike chess, which is Spock's game of choice. The Keethera is more a diagnostic tool and Kal-Toh speaks to the core of Vulcan emotional control - that is, the ability to find harmony where there is seemingly only random chaos. Tuvok's not doing well mentally. I don't think Tuvok's been doing well mentally since vanishing into the delta quadrant, much like everyone else, however unlike everyone else he doesn't seem to have any sort of....safety net? Anyone to confide in? Nor does he seem to WANT to or know how to confide in others - how to be open about his pain or need for help.

I like this interaction in which instead of having to say that he's struggling, Kes can simply look at the Keethera and see that he is. Tuvok's inability to effectively share his pain with others makes sense - they're all aliens to him and he isn't close with any of the Vulcans on the crew. He's also a person who prides himself on being solitary and strong and Vulcan. As seen in 'Alter Ego' he intentionally cultivates an air of being utterly separate from others even when ostensibly participating in a group activity and is shown several times in the series to think himself above others. [Ex: Neelix, Chakotay, B'Elanna, Humans in general] However, the image he has of himself makes reaching out for help incredibly difficult. He has cultivated an image in which he is utterly unlike the others, in which he is better, less prone to being hurt, and because he stakes his pride on this image he now cannot ask for help without it going against his image and damaging the reputation he enjoys holding. I think this is a relatable problem. Personally, when I was a teenager, I had cultivated an image of being a jokester and bubbly person which I struggled valiantly to maintain even when I was going through severe bouts of depression. The idea of myself as someone who was a jokester and happy all the time was very important to me and losing that felt like it would be 'giving in' to my depression and losing my identity when in reality my refusal to actually address my depression was causing my depression to worsen. In Tuvok's case, his identity pre-delta quad is perhaps the only thing he has left of his old life. It's stated and implied multiple times by the narrative that Tuvok is lonely and misses his family and that that loneliness is beginning to cause him to act in ways he normally wouldn't (Compare him to Marayna in 'Alter Ego'). The fact that he misses his family and is lonely is also relevant due to the fact that family ties are INCREDIBLY important in Vulcan culture. Tuvok's family is obviously very close but more relevant to this, family ties are stated across several episodes to be crucial in dealing with trauma or mental stress. Personal information seems to be [across multiple series] very private to Vulcans. Personal information is sensitive and intimate and not something you share with just anyone. To me it's natural to assume that this is also a contributing factor in Tuvok's resistance towards reaching out for help. He feels it's something private that he should only share with other Vulcans who are close to him or a healer - but no such person exists on Voyager and his closest friend is the captain, whom he doesn't want to 'burden' with his problems when he can handle them alone [or so he thinks] and so he endures and endures and endures in silence. The Keethera showcases Tuvok's mental state not only in its structure but in Tuvok's persistent mantra that he is fine despite the clear signs to the contrary. "I am in control," he says, as the Keethera falls apart. It is also telling that Tuvok has no separate course of action. After the Keethera crumbles and Kes leaves, Tuvok just starts building the Keethera again. It's a meditational aid and helps focus the mind but something strikes me as incomplete or wishful about him continually building it, alone, and only to watch it crumble. What else can he do but continually punch the numbers and watch as he's told over and over again that he's not okay?

Tuvok's conversation with Kes at the end of 'Warlord' is something I love. I think it's very good advice on dealing with trauma that he struggles to follow himself. We never see the completed Keethera at the end of 'Flashback' - there is no assurance that his mind is completely healed from the trauma he's endured. [Even if the memory was not strictly 'real', his reactions to it were and thus we can say he DID have a repressed traumatic memory] Instead we see him talking with Janeway, with a friend, and we perhaps know that even if it isn't - he's not alone.

[oxygenbefore1775]

stalemate

zeke x gn!reader

tags: fluffy suggestive stuff (as fluffy as it can get with zeke)

cw: suggestive (kisses and stuff), chess and a lot of it (there's gonna be some chess terms thrown around just for the show - no need to understand them to know what's going on), zeke being zeke (needy pos that is), coercion elements (very mild)

wc: 2.2k

summary: perhaps challenging zeke to a game of chess was a bad idea - so chivalrous of him to offer you his help to defeat him, though

a/n: don't perceive me, i barely understand the chess theory myself

Stalemate is a situation in chess where a player's king is not in check, but they have no legal moves left, resulting in a draw

Such a poise coming from someone whose lips were twisted in a shit-eating grin. Both annoyed you to no end already, slowly chipping away at your composed facade — but the combination of those two? You could already sense the steam escaping your ears. Truly, both of those opposites could only coincide in Zeke.

"Any moment now," his calm voice prompted you to make a move, although you had stalled for only ten minutes longer than expected.

It was ten minutes too long — considering your own knowledge in chess, you shouldn't find this so hard to navigate through this game. But you did. You bit on your lip as you stole a glance at Zeke before finally moving your bishop across the board. The challenge of the game was all courtesy of his.

All pleasure that you intended to find in this leisure game of chess with Zeke was nowhere to be seen now. Some mental exercise was always welcome but not at the expense of your own brain cells that ended up being fried in the unfolding mental gymnastics. Too bad it was only you who was laboring over each move.

He was a monster at chess. And just like one, he was tearing you to shreds.

Your lips curled into a malicious smirk, catching up on his hesitation.

But not this time.

Zeke quirked his brow at your choice of the move.

Finally, you got him in a predicament that he'd be forced to ponder over to search for the best solution. Spolier - there was none since the strategy you devised in such a short span of time was impeccable. He would have no other choice but to back down his attack and ultimately weaken his control of the board center. You couldn't help but to give yourself a mental pat on the shoulder as you imagined him losing more and more advantage in the game. Your careful planning would leave him totally crushed, utterly defeated, absolutely destroyed, unequivocally--

Zeke took your queen.

You had to lend a second look at the chess board to finally register that the queen, your queen, was indeed removed from the game by one of his rooks and lied by Zeke's side.

How could this have happened? Virtually nothing could predict this move happening in your mind. All the defenses that you've put up ended up being ultimately useless since Zeke easily slid one of his figures behind your line of defense. Good thing that you were thoughtful enough to do the castling earlier or else the king would also be endangered right now.

A glint of mild interest ignited in Zeke's eyes upon seeing you so distraught about the move that he spent maybe a minute contemplating. It just started to get fun for him.

"I hope that was intentional." The soft mockery in his tone puzzled you as your brows knitted together in confusion, prompting his explanation. "You letting me take your queen so easily? It better be the first step to the closing game or else it'd be pretty disappointing."

The tiny vein on your temple started pulsating with anger as you composed yourself.

"Just-- shut up."

Of course, you had no aces up your sleeves that would tip this miserable predicament into your favour. A fact he was well aware of.

Good thing he listened and indeed stopped riling you up even further. Another word out of his mouth and you would've skipped over the entire anger phase right over to tears.

It was your turn again. After being cornered up with his previous attack, you were all out of moves, let alone useful ones. In a desparate attempt to bring him back into the game as soon as possible, you opted for taking at least a bit of advantage back to your side.

Your hand already hovered over one of your pawns, ready to grab it, when you noticed Zeke's unbroken gaze on you. His pursed lips were a subtle sign of his disapproval, the silent one which was by far the worst one.

Frustrated, you threw your hands in front of yourself. "What?"

This in turn perplexed him. Dumbfounded by your sudden (and quite rude for his taste) inquiry, he looked at you in confusion, benevolence coloring his features in a halo-like light.

"Why-- why are you staring at me like that?" you had the courtesy to elaborate although your voice was bubbling with irritation.

"You were the one to tell me to shut up," unabashed he replied. "Can't I express my critique in some other way then?"

You were determined to prove all his attempts at annoying you futile. As if he wasn't already getting off of the fact that you were losing to him, flaunting his chess skills in the process.

"Alright." you asked calmly as you caved to give him the response he wanted. "What is your critique?"

With your permission granted (not that he cared for it that much), he took a second look at the chess board. This brief moment of scanning was of no use to him, admittedly - he knew what was wrong way before that.

"A pawn to b4? Quite unproductive, if you ask me."

"You just had to point that out." Completely devoid of witty remarks, you simply crossed your arms on your chest in meek retalliation. You pressed your lips tightly when they began to tremble.

For the first time during the game, his voice aquired a slightest hint of seriousness. As if a sudden bout of compassion had befallen him.

"Do you want to win that badly?" he tried to meet your gaze as he asked this question to gauge your honest reaction.

Who doesn't want to outsmart the Zeke Yeager? It'd be akin to David and Goliath situation, safe for the physical altercation followed by the lethal outcome. And this would certainly humble Zeke a bit, as he was known to get on your nerves, brandishing his intellectual exclusivity.

To your luck (or rather not), you were the only one vain enough to try and pull it off.

"Of course," you huffed under your breath. "But seeing as you bash me at every turn, there's no way."

This begrudgingly uttered confession returned the sly expression to Zeke's features — the one he's had for the duration of the game. The one that made you distrust his last question even more.

"Maybe I can help you to win this stupid little game," he began in an alluring tone, stroking his beard as if pondering his countless options of aiding you.

You, however, were not in the slightest bit amused nor intrigued.

"Really? Just like that?" your voice dripped with sarcasm, an eager response propmting him to finally reveal his real intentions.

There was no way for him change his mind all of the sudden. Zeke was never the one to go easy on you in all sorts of games - especially now as his imminent victory drew closer and he seemed to get a high at the expense of your frustration. What could possibly convince him to take pity on you now?

Turned out, you were not wrong in your suspicion.

"Of course not," his answer, as expected, didn't surprise you. "My assistance has a price."

You wanted to drop all of your defences and start giggling at the sight of his features dripping with triumph. His over-confident demeanor seemed almost childish sometimes.

"A price," you mocked, an amused smile tugged at your corners. He responded in kind, as if you both were in on the joke that was about to take place. "Ok, name it then."

if he's the one suggesting it, you'll go along with it. How bad can it be? Not that washing the dishes for the next week or taking charge of cooking would be all that burdensome - not that he does those chores regularly anyway.

Instead of responding verbally, Zeke gently tapped his finger against his cheek, as if directing your attention to the spot. Throughout the exchange, he held an unbroken eye contact with you, to see if you were watching him. But it was unnecessary. His gesture was all too familiar to you.

"You dick," you accused him, clearly unamused now. "No, no way."

He smiled at the way you violently shook your head no, turning away from the chess table in a plain refusal.

"C'mon, just a liiittle kiss," he reasoned (more like whined, really), "Not like you've never done this before."

As competitive as you were, this was something you couldn't bring yourself to do.

You wagged your finger at him, reinforcing the fact of your disapproval. "Not in this climate," you rebuked. "It's extortion."

"It's barter and quite fair one at that." Zeke remained relentless in his persuasion attempts, like he wasn't the one with the higher ground. "A kiss for a hint. And, if you uphold your part of the bargain, you'll be able to win."

The gall to assume that you'd agree to trade your affection in exchange for useful information even just once, not to mention multiple times all for the sake of a tainted victory. Did he really deem you this weak-willed? You'd give him no such satisfaction.

"Thanks but no thanks," you cut him off bluntly, directing all of your attention back to the chess board. "When I beat you in the game, I'd rather it be a clean victory."

When - it's if, rather but you couldn't afford to give up so easily.

Your refusal did nothing to upset him, though. As if nothing had happened, he returned his attention to the game, too.

"Your loss," he stated, pressing his lips to hide a grin as he made a move that he spent mere seconds thinking over but managed to tip the scale in his favor. "I win either way."

And you thought he had been merciless before that. Well, he was now. It is only after your refusal that he shed all the self-restraint and went into full obliteration mode. At this point it wasn't about winning for him anymore rather than stripping you off your valuable figures, completely ignoring openings for potential checkmates.

Much to your dismay — yet to his triumph — this tactic of his seemed to have worked as your despair grew from one loss of a piece to other, removing all logic from your play style. The already miniscule chance of deafeating him thawed with each of his devastating moves. It seemed as if he wouldn't stop until you had only the king left at your side.

You caved once you lost most of your pawns and each one of the paired pieces. Turned out, you were mistaken about your own moral compass and intellectual capabilities. Maybe the end does justify the means.

"Alright, fine," you exclaimed, getting increasingly exasperated. "Let it be your way."

Ready to abandon your dignity (not that there was much to begin with), you plopped your hands at the either side of the board to reach over to the opposite side of the table where Zeke was.

"But I'm gonna win, right?" You had to make sure before sealing the agreement with a kiss.

"Well, not anymore."

You suddenly stopped leaning forward, mere inches away from his face.

The glare you sent his way must've shot the sharpest and biggest of daggers since Zeke rushed to deliver an explanation at the sight of you. "You would have, if you had agreed sooner," almost analitical tone of his voice failed to soothe your frustration. "The best you can settle for now is stalemate."

A draw it is. Quite a good result, admittedly, especially from the game of chess with the Zeke Yeager. And you had only yourself to blame for stalling so much. You took a deep breath to compose yourself. Although the impulse was strong, Zeke did his best not to flaunt his favourable position over you. Even so much as a hint of non-verbal 'i told you' from his side and he would most certainly fall from your grace.

"Why do I love you again?" you whispered under your breath as you were about to press your lips against his cheek. You crinkled your nose as the stubble tickled your skin.

"I ask myself this time to time, too." he replied, sham embarassment dripping in his tone as he melted under the touch of your lips.

Suffice to say, you weren't capable of harboring anger for a long time, let alone towards Zeke. Who was he but an insufferable yet starved for affection man in your eyes?

At the tenth kiss mark it just got ridiculous, to the point when you couldn't suppress your laughter as you leaned over the table, risking to knock over the pieces on the board, time and time again for the exchange to take place. Your dignity right now was of little importance - Zeke would never stop reminding you of this day but you couldn't care less as long as you got that coveted result (even if it was achieved through less than fair means).

Your lips hurt by the time the stalemate was announced - something you weren't aware they could do.

All out of breath, you leaned back against your chair, taking in the piece configuration on the board that finally put the end of this back-and-forth 'barter'.

"I'm never playing chess with you ever again," you firmly stated, watching him rise up from the seat.

"What a pity," his voice failed to convey the sincerity to his statement as he began putting the pieces back into the board - not that he cared for the way you'd perceive him anyway. "Gotta think of other ways to lure the kisses out of you now."

"You could always ask for one, don't you know?"

"I know," he assured, "But it's more rewarding this way."

[the-blossica-fan]

Evil Phenomenon, but it takes a different approach; something something, those who love their partners feel literal pain bring separated from them and falls so hard they may as well have made a crater (. Love Phenomenon?)

With Windla, you would probably see Windsong even more anxious while away from Vila; with Mercuria, it's less obvious, but it's still noticeable.

With Mesmer, who feels at genuine peace with Vertin (and Jessica, with Blonney), they don't realise they're spending all that time together until they're separated for whatever reasons

Balloon Party also manages well, but that's because of how she handles her emotions.

Anyways, that's just my thoughts. Heavens knows what happens if they're away from their partner for a considerable amount of time... 😨

Oh my fucking God why are you evil

It's probably some sort of love dependence phenomenon. Comrade we do NOT want to talk about 37 and Sophia, okay?

With Windla happens a very interesting thing. Windsong feels at peace with Vila, she feels like she's her best self by her side. Her trembling hands finally relax, her tired body can rest, it's just some sort of healing for herself, mentally and physically.

They don't even realize they're going through this phenomenon until they separate, and since they're always together, it takes a moment.

Windsong collapses on the floor, her whole body trembling and she can feel a knot on her throat, it makes her want to cry, her skin feels so uncomfortable and it almost feels like she's going to faint at any second. She clings onto sanity but lord is it hard, her breathing is erratic and it hurts.

It hurts to even breathe.

Vila's symptoms, while not as obvious, are almost as painful. The itch in her skin, the burning sensation on her neck which prompts her to scratch it raw, the uncomfortable feeling of her skin is so painful it makes her want to rip it off like their kind would in the blink of an eye. It's unbearable. The loneliness in herself as well as the coming paranoia makes her isolate herself in order to calm down.

It only gets better when she sees Windsong casually when being taken to a medical room for support. There, they realize something is wrong when every symptom just... Disappears.

Here comes the notice of another unknown phenomenon occurring with the members of the foundation.

Mesmer Jr didn't even realize this phenomenon until it was pointed out. She's not as in-tune with her arcanist side as others, this sort of phenomenon would often play games with arcanum, but just because her mind rejects the arcanist side of herself doesn't mean her body does.

It feels itchy, her lungs feel like they're fighting to take in oxygen and she feels so stuck, as if she just can comprehend her surroundings. There's a feeling of loneliness that affects her mind and eventually drags her into that arcanist mindset, no logic.

I'm unsure over how Vertin would take this sort of phenomenon, it's more like a dependence and as we know, she's able to water down those feelings rather easily, but not forget. Maybe it would be light, something she can handle with slight struggles.

Of course, after discovering this phenomenon, Mesmer would have to be by Vertin's side (and the same goes for Vertin) in order to not cause any more accidents. Yes, Mesmer made a couple accidents during this as she couldn't even put her mind on it.

Balloon Party seems much like Vertin, and actually, Lorelei too. They're way too gone to be affected by a dependence phenomenon, a LOVE dependence phenomenon. They're in love, sure, but my God, their brain losing screws every second.

They're put together just in case, no one wants them to be separated for... Reasons (no one knows how they'd react). Semmelweis is taking care of them don't worry.

Mercuria is an interesting case because she doesn't know it mentally, but her whole body hurts and she doesn't know why. Like after exercising for too long, your muscles feel heavy and you feel weakened. Mercuria doesn't often feel this way, not in a long time anyway, so it's quite confusing.

She doesn't pay much mind to it, and if she puts her mind to it, it's barely noticeable... Except for the fact that it is very noticeable to literally everyone else. She's trembling slightly, her movements are slow and clumsy and she almost seems like she's about to collapse.

J got so worried he ended up carrying her like a sack of potatoes to the infirmary in case it was the Evil Phenomenon again. It's worse.

I left the worst at last. Jessica and Blonney... My Lord 😞

Jessica is definitely back to that pre 1.2 mindset. A wild animal, a lonely girl searching for her beloved, whatever the cost may be. It took everything from the foundation members and whoever was by her side to restrain her, she kept crying and begging for Jennifer to come back by her side. It was quite painful to watch.

The poor deer's mental stability was completely stolen from her and everything she wanted was to be in Blonney's arms. She did bite a couple people on the way though, not a pretty bite that hurt.

Blonney was probably doing just as bad but without the physical aggression part... Mostly. She definitely went back to those years after leaving Green Lake, the emptiness, loneliness and crude desire to be held was back, which she thought she had already gotten over a long, long time ago.

They're good together I promise just never, ever, try to separate them when they're like this, someone might die.

[vickyvicarious]

Today's entry is another one with strong comparisons to be made between the asylum pair and the castle pair. We start off with Renfield-Dracula comparisons: both his eating other creatures in order to gain life and his cheerful attitude here remind me of the Count. Whenever Dracula had won some new victory over Jonathan (typically by doing something offscreen to foil his latest effort) he tended to get very cheerful and charming. Renfield has circumvented Seward's refusal to give him a cat by eating all his birds and then restarting his experiment, a victory of sorts for him, and is correspondingly quite cheerful.

But it's Seward's response to this behavior which is especially reminiscent of Dracula, and chillingly so: he drugs Renfield to sleep and then goes through his belongings.

I gave Renfield a strong opiate to-night, enough to make even him sleep, and took away his pocket-book to look at it.

While it's never explicitly confirmed, I have a theory that Dracula had been exercising control over Jonathan's sleep throughout his stay in the castle. There are repeated instances where he tells Jonathan to rest well or to sleep soon and Jonathan always follows up with confirmation that direction was followed (when other times there are hints towards unsteady sleep/nightmares). And while it isn't as directly a scene of magical influence, the day Dracula stole Jonathan's papers and other belongings was while also he was locked in a room, sleeping.

That's creepy enough, and it speaks to Seward respecting no boundaries at all with his patient, but the part that sticks out to me most of all is the way this is a direct parallel to a worst-case scenario for Jonathan. Because what is described above is quite simply: the captor, having noticed his captive is keeping notes that he doesn't understand, forces his captive into a vulnerable unconscious state and takes said notes to read and use for his own purposes.

Isn't that exactly what Jonathan lived in such dread of happening, all that time? If Dracula had ever spotted Jonathan writing in his journal, I'm sure it would have happened. And while he wouldn't understand the exact meaning of the shorthand (much the same way Seward doesn't initially understand all Renfield's figures) the gist of the idea would be communicated (he'd realize Jonathan is keeping a secret record and the implications of that, much the same way Seward here is able to finally put together the pieces and figure out Renfield's general ideas). And what comes next? Well, it wouldn't be good for Jonathan, obviously.

Seward doesn't punish Renfield for what he discovers. Not directly. But his reaction is just as terrible because the realization tempts him all the more to indulge his 'mad scientist' instincts. He wants to make a name for himself via Renfield's heretofore unknown madness, and it doesn't really matter how Renfield feels about that or is treated in pursuit of that. Oh, sure, he confines himself here to speculation about whether it might not be worth it to see how far he'd go - tells himself I must not think of this. And yet he's incredibly attracted to the idea (re:dracula did so well with putting voice to how EAGER he is and how reluctantly he pulls himself back - and then only partially before dipping his toes in again), and is already behaving well outside of any appropriate motivation. And so... while Renfield isn't going to suffer in the same way Jonathan would have from the discovery of his diary, he still is worse off. By completing his long-awaited thought and coming up with a name for Renfield ("a zoöphagous (life-eating) maniac") Seward has fully finished shifting him into a mental category entirely separate from all the other patients, and it's definitely not one that has his best interests in mind. He's possessive, too invested, dehumanizing (yesterday's "my friend" has become today's "my homicidal maniac"), and it's all just not good for either one of them.

I think Seward realizes that this isn't good for his own mental health as well, but he can't help longing for it. This is getting more into just me musing aloud here, but... A while ago he spoke about relative dangers of selfish vs. unselfish people, and concluded that people who dedicate themselves to a duty are more dangerous because they throw themselves in fully. And yet that's something he seems to be longing for:

If only there were a sufficient cause! I must not think too much of this, or I may be tempted; a good cause might turn the scale with me, for may not I too be of an exceptional brain, congenitally?

He knows that he is susceptible to that kind of temptation, to ignore all moral qualms for the sake of (making a name for himself with) Science. And he's trying to pull himself back from that brink... but a part of him wants nothing more than to find a cause worthy enough to do it anyway. He wants to dedicate himself fully to something important. He knows that he isn't entirely normal himself, and that once he gave in there would be no turning back. The idea appeals to him, even as it repels him - which in itself is very vampiric, actually. It's like the idea of finding a "sufficient cause" is his own trance which he must try to resist.

And the way he thinks of Lucy right after this seems telling to me. Perhaps he hoped that Lucy would balance him out, would help pull him away from these kinds of impulses, would make him Normal in a way he can't be on his own. But she didn't pick him, in fact she picked a man who is also much more Normal, and they're both wonderful and happy together. And he's happy for them, of course, but it leaves him on the outside. And on the other hand there's Renfield, who seems fully lost (and happy to be so) inside his own mad devotion to his cause. Seward seems to be pining after both Lucy and Renfield in this entry. Not romantically for Renfield, but they represent to him opposite extremes. Lucy is the life he could have if he didn't feel so drawn to odd and amoral ideas; Renfield is the fulfillment he could feel if he didn't feel sufficiently sane to let morals hold him back from indulging those urges. He knows Lucy doesn't love him back (symbolically: that he can't ever be fully normal) and that Renfield isn't someone to imitate (symbolically: that he can't let himself give in fully), so he's just stuck teetering between them at the moment. Of course, with Lucy's rejection leading him to isolate himself in his work (and away from his friends who also pull him back more to better behavior) he keeps tipping more and more towards becoming mad himself in his own way. But he still retains enough control over himself to feel bad about it and refuse to indulge himself fully... even as he fails to notice, or simply doesn't care, just how badly he's already failing to act in Renfield's own interests.