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paralyze-fic · 3 months ago

Text

Paralyze.

Chapter 93

The rest of our first day was pretty much about just following Endeavour around the city, and I continued to lag behind, but I didn't let that shake me up, already coming up in my head with possible support items additions to my suit. Something that would make keeping up with them easier whenever I'm unable to use my quirk.

With that thought in mind, I walked into the changing room, picked out a notebook and pen from my bag that I had to keep in my locker, sat on one of the benches, and began to scribble down different ideas.

A retractable zipline, a grappling hook, boost boots, and maybe even a small jetpack would work. For now, I was just theorizing.

"What are you doing?" The sound of Katsuki's voice echoed in the rather quiet room, and I answered his question without looking up.

"Planning changes to my suit, mostly support items..." I trailed on as I wrote down how I could implement every option and which would be the best for mobility.

"Support items?" Izuku asked and I nodded, still focused on my writing.

"I fell behind a lot today, I hated it, so to improve..." I mumbled, almost too entranced in my brainstorming to form more than the words I needed.

After that, there was a small silence, filled by only the shuffling of clothing as they changed out of their hero suits. "(M/n)," Shouto was the one to speak this time, and now I did look up since he remained quiet when I didn't move, "The old man has a few sidekicks that specialize in support items, you can talk to him about it."

Feeling like I could be able to do better sooner than expected, I stood up from my spot and turned around to leave the room, still wearing my hero suit, "Wait, you're going now?" I heard Katsuki as he approached me, the heavy sounds of his boots resonating as he walked.

True was, it was kinda late already, but I knew Endeavour was still around, he said he would do a last patrol and come back, so I was willing to wait for him. Besides, I didn't really like seeing all three of them easily keeping up with Endeavour, so I wasn't gonna wait around for those items.

"Tomorrow will be exactly the same otherwise, I also wanna learn how to get better and be stronger, Katsuki," I could see his crimson eyes shifting a bit at my words, probably in understanding, and he didn't argue back again.

I made my back back to the front office, and sat on the ground next to the double sliding doors of Endeavour's office, silently waiting and scribbling more ideas that ended up being too unlikely or plain stupid. Thankfully, I only had to wait around an hour, when I spotted the flame hero coming back from his patrol. He briefly greeted the sidekicks who were clocking out for the day, and he ended up spotting me as I stood up from the wooden floor.

He seemed kinda surprised as he approached, and I wondered why for a split second. "I didn't expect you'll still be up at this time," I tried to chuckle at that, and I rocked on the ball of my feet, suddenly a little nervous about what I wanted to ask, what if he thought I was weak for needing-? "Do you need anything, Paralyze?"

"Oh! Right! I uh..." I fidgeted with the pen in my hand, trying to find my words. Endeavour, probably noticing my hesitation, slid the door open and signaled me to come in, I muttered a small 'thank you' in response and watched as he walked over to his desk, turned around and leaned against it.

He began taking the gauntlets off his wrists and soon crossed his arms. He seemed very patient as he waited for me to talk, and I remembered why I came here.

"So, uh... Shouto told me that there are a few sidekicks who specialize in development, and I wanted to ask permission to get one, sir?" I finished hesitantly, unsure of how he would react to my petition.

The room was quiet, his sharp eyes, now devoid of the usual flames around then, stared at me in a way that almost made me apologize and run away, but my body was so tense I couldn't move. I don't think I was even breathing during this whole impromptu stared-down.

"Support items are important tools for heroes, but you also need to earn them," I swallowed and nodded, feeling like I could breathe normally once more, "Focus on development this first week, and if by the end of the week, you still think you need one, I'll consider it."

Well, it wasn't the answer I had expected, but it was better than flat-out being told no. Feeling a mixture of disappointment and understanding, I nodded again, more firmly this time. "I understand. I'll do my best."

Endeavour gave a curt nod at me, leaning away from his desk and walking around it to his chair.

"Improve through your efforts, show me how much you can do by yourself, (M/n)," the sound of my name caught me off guard, but I took his words to heart and, with a deep breath, I responded.

"I will, sir!" With that, he dismissed me and I walked back to the changing room, wondering how hard this upcoming week was gonna go for me.

///////

Day 2 of my internship with Endeavour.

The alarm clock woke me up at 6:10 am sharp, and my eyes opened reluctantly. I sat on my bed and groaned in pain as I rubbed my thighs and calves slowly, applying pressure in a way to try and soothe the throbbing pain I felt from the waist down. All the running from yesterday fucked me up.

I managed to stand up and spotted my hero suit on top of the container. Before putting it on, I went to the bathroom and did my business.

Already wearing my suit, I walked out, and followed all the sidekicks that were also walking out of their rooms. It was nice that Endeavour's agency had a dorm system for internships and if sidekicks decided to spend the night over instead of going home.

Izuku, Shouto and Katsuki were the first faces I saw as I stepped out, which made sense. Izuku's room was to the left of mine while Shouto and Katsuki's were straight across.

We quickly greeted each other good morning, although Katsuki simply grunted, eye mask pushing his spikes back as he wore it as a headband, and we headed to the cafeteria one floor below to have some breakfast. Apparently, Endeavour had sidekicks exclusively in the kitchen, with useful quirks for cooking and baking, reminding me of Lunch Rush back at U.A.

It's safe to say the food was delicious, and I found myself wanting more, but knowing our daylong training was coming made me slow down, and just wait.

"Interns!" Burnin' walked in 20-25 minutes later, busting through the doors with her usual intense behavior, "Time for your training!" The four of us looked at each other and stood up from our places at the table in the corner, following after Burnin' several floors down. I recognized it as the gym floor and she guided us to a room at the end of the hall.

It was a spacious room, well-lit and with more than enough equipment.

"Alright, Endeavour will be supervising today's training, boys! You'll be starting with what you've been told to train, so come on," Burnin' began walking toward what seemed to be different "working-out stations" of sorts, "Paralyze, this is your training."

It was a treadmill.

I mean... I knew why that was the only thing I had to train with, Endeavour was clear about improving my endurance and speed without my quirk.

Burnin' continued guiding the trio to their own training spaces, and I stared at the thread mill. It didn't seem like much.

I stepped on it and turned it on at a walking speed. I planned to warm up for about five minutes before changing into a jog, then a run and finally a sprint. However, I got caught off guard, when it changed on its own to an incline jog.

Apparently, the machine had a type of AI that randomly began changing speeds and elevations, keeping me guessing what would do next and making me adapt quickly to its changes. I was hoping to improve after this training.

///////

Whether I was improving or not, it was hard to tell. We'd been training for about two hours with almost no breaks, and I was struggling. Badly.

My breath was ragged and shallow as I watched how Katsuki, Izuku and Shouto seemed to be feeling less phased than I was. They were actually showing signs of improvement, I was just running and about to collapse from exhaustion.

The trio seemed to glide effortlessly through their training drills, their forms honed by their rigorous training. Made me wonder if I really had been lacking that badly when it came to physical training.

From my spot, I had a pretty good view of them. Katsuki's fiery determination was evident with every new explosion he released, each one stronger, wider and more powerful than the last. Shouto was frowning slightly in concentration, his left fist lighted by flames that danced around, increasingly growing before going back down, and so on. While Katsuki was training the condense and release, Shouto was focusing on the condense, probably still getting used to using his fire.

As far as I've been told, Shouto spent the majority of his younger years refusing to use his left side.

Izuku seemed to be struggling a little more than those two, but significantly less than I was. He had to focus on instinctively using Air Force, so he had target practice with dummies. As did Katsuki.

In my eyes, they were doing incredibly well with little to no effort, while I was over here about to collapse on the floor. Honestly, I felt a pang of envy mixed with frustration as I blindly tried to keep up. The efforts I put in felt like a constant uphill run, and it wasn't just because of this stupid treadmill, it was because each step reminded me how far I still had to go to reach the image I had visualized of myself as a hero.

As the day progressed, our training shifted to hand-to-hand combat.

Burnin' called over a few sidekicks, in her words, our opponents were picked specifically to counter our quirks and make it hard for us to react and fight back.

And she wasn't lying. I had to go up against one of the strongest sidekicks under Endeavour's command, a pro with a stern expression and no-nonsense attitude. At first, I wasn't that worried, only slightly bothered by the lingering throbbing in my muscles from running for over two hours, but that quickly changed.

This sidekick had an illusion quirk, a pretty powerful one at that, but I hadn't known how he activated it. Turns out, he had smoke bombs to help.

Some worked as simple smoke screens, hindering my sight, and as I didn't know where he was, I couldn't use my quirk, and I had to rely on my senses, which wasn't easy since I wasn't alone in the room, though we were quite far from each other. Back on track- some smoke bombs that contained the illusion smoke from his quirk, and I had no idea which one was which. I was just able to focus on any sudden movements through the smoke and be ready to counter. If only I knew...

It was safe to say that the clash was intense. His movements were fluid and precise, making me even more painfully aware of my clumsy attempts at dodging and attacking. I had often found myself going to the defensive, despite not having a defensive quirk in nature. It was just forced upon me. I was unable to land a meaningful hit on him, nothing significant that could have turned the combat around.

Each failed attempt at turning on the offensive only served to fuel my frustrations.

After landing hard on my back for the third time in a row, I just laid there, tired and fatigued, looking over at the others.

Katsuki was in the middle of the room, fighting a sidekick with powers involving water, and even though his explosions were smaller and less intense than usual, they were still pretty powerful. Shouto and Izuku were equally impressive, as well. Shouto was going against someone who was able to teleport wherever to dodge his attacks, both ice and fire. Izuku's opponent had a metal manipulation quirk, and they were equipped with tons of metal stuff on them.

The three of them were actually breaking through their opponent while I... I was lying on the floor.

I felt my heart sink as I watched them, feeling like I was falling further behind. The realization that my quirk -while I would argue about it being powerful and strong- wasn't enough on its own. Endeavour wanted me to improve my physical capabilities and combat skills to be able to match the powerful trio.

Well, they were top three of the class in terms of quirk power for a reason.

///////

The afternoon brought me no rest. I was exhausted and honestly, quite disheartened. But I continued to push myself through the remaining drills, taking time to myself to think whenever we got a break to drink some water and eat something that would give us energy or protein.

My whole body ached with each movement and I was afraid my struggle may have been just a little too obvious. I was just hoping Katsuki hadn't noticed, otherwise he would give me a long talk about how I shouldn't downgrade myself like this.

I just knew I was about to collapse from the sheer exhaustion, when I noticed Burnin' approaching me.

She stopped in front of me and offered a sympathetic smile my way, "You’re putting in a lot of effort, Paralyze. I can see your potential, but it’s clear you’re having a tough time. How about some extra training sessions in the evenings? It might help you catch up."

I looked up from my sitting position on the floor, the physical drainage I felt momentarily overshadowed by a slimmer of hope. Burnin' was one of the best sidekicks working under Endeavour, which is why she was in charge of us when the flame hero had work where he couldn't take us, even though he was the one deciding our training schedule.

"Yes, please. I need to get better," I replied as clearly as I could, hoping my words wouldn't mix with my quick gasping.

Burnin' nodded, her smile widening, "Alright then. We’ll start tonight."

///////

After that, Endeavour came up to us, stared for about five minutes and told us to get out on patrol with him, so we did.

The fact that he was able to talk to us, teaching us about being heroes while keeping an eye and ear out for anything going on was impressive, to say the least.

The streets bustled with activity from civilians, a few heroes passing by on their own patrol. It was a nice day.

But it wasn’t long before Endeavour took off after receiving information from his earpiece. Like it was becoming a habit, Katsuki, Izuku and Shouto reacted quickly on their feet and chased after the hero, while I was left running behind them.

As we reached the area, we spotted a villain wreaking havoc with their quirk and support items- many support items, she was covered with them. Not only that, but she herself was a weapon. Her body could morph into anything she wanted, and she could even pull weapons from her skin. I didn't know until later, but she had a substance in her blood: trigger, a quirk-enhancing drug.

She was out of control but also somehow lucid, and the heroes at the scene, despite their best efforts, weren't able to subdue her alone, which only seemed to fuel her as she continued causing chaos.

I watched her as she collapsed on her hands and knees, the weapons slowly disappearing. The heroes approached her, but she stood up, her hand reaching for the waistband of her pants, about to pull out a gun.

I activated my quirk before she could pull it out and she screamed in pain as I kept her arm paralyzed.

That gave Endeavour an opening. He was on her in a second, and his flames managed to scare her so much that she passed out. With the threat already neutralized, I deactivated my quirk.

We walked over to him and he looked up at us, keeping the woman down while waiting for the heroes to come over and take her away. Glancing over, I realized there were more people that the heroes and police officers had retained, meaning it was a whole group, and she wasn't just by herself.

“Nice work, Paralyze,” Katsuki's voice rang out, rather quiet, his usual gruffness softened by a note of genuine approval. Something about hearing my boyfriend saying my hero name amid the chaos felt strange, but somehow grounding. We were embracing our roles as heroes, as Endeavour had said he would view us as during our internship.

As the sun began to set, we found ourselves back at the dorms at the agency. For once in my life, I was too tired to even care about taking a shower in the public restroom. I needed it, I felt gross. Oh, and we also had to give our hero suits to be washed and dried for tomorrow, so I did that on my way to my room.

I walked in and collapsed on my bed, the frustration of the early morning training lingering but too tired to actually give a fuck. I was about to fall asleep when I heard a knock on the door, "Who is it?" I asked groggily, not really expecting nor wanting visits.

"It's Katsuki, can I come in?" I blinked at the sound of my boyfriend's voice and I sat up on the bed. I stood up and opened the door.

Despite the heavy feeling in my mind, Katsuki's presence was a source of comfort. For a few seconds, we exchanged a quiet, knowing glance. His usual scowl softened as I noticed his crimson eyes trailing around my face, though he didn't mention how horrible and bad I probably looked.

"Want to talk about it?" He asked, his voice coming out softer than most people would ever hear.

I simply shook my head, "No need. I’ll work through it..." I lingered for a moment, not wanting to admit I was struggling already, and we had just started our training. "Burnin's gonna be helping me with some extra training."

Katsuki's eyes narrowed slightly, a hint of concern swimming in his gaze, "Just don’t overdo it, okay? You’re doing fine."

"I know, don't worry, love."

///////

Later that evening, maybe an hour before dinner, I met up with Burnin' for our extra training session.

The intensity of the drills was as high as it had been during the day, but Burnin' provided me with valuable tips and some guidance. The extra effort was draining, but I could almost feel a renewed sense of purpose.

Feeling the ache in my muscles was worth the progress I hoped to achieve.

By the time I finally returned to the dorm after taking a second shower, I was exhausted but content with the progress I had made.

As I lay down to rest, my stomach growled but I wasn't feeling like eating dinner. However I had to, and as I sat back up, I couldn’t help but think about the long road ahead. It was clear that the journey I had picked to walk was far from easy, but with determination and the support of Katsuki, Izuku and Shouto -and Burnin’- I figured I was ready to face whatever challenges may lay ahead for me during this internship.

///////

Day 3 of my internship with Endeavour.

Morning arrived with a chill in the air, and we were eagerly awaiting for what the training drill for today was gonna be. However, we were taken to different gym rooms, significantly smaller than the one from yesterday, but still wide enough to be able to simulate realistic battles and/or rescue training.

Burnin' had briefly explained that with all the rooms being customizable, our training would be focused on strengthening our weaknesses. That much was obvious when, two seconds in the room, it all went dark. The light system of the gym room was adjusted to create an environment that mimicked conditions of low visibility.

I blinked and widened my eyes a couple of times as I got used to my murky surroundings, but the feeling of disorientation quickly dissipated and gave way to focus. I had to pay attention to any sound, pinpoint their location and distance and react accordingly, anticipating the attacks.

Burnin's voice spoke through a speaker, as she had locked herself in the small room in the corner every gym room had, probably to keep her blazing green hair hidden, "One condition, Paralyze-kun; no quirk allowed. Rely solely on your instincts and combat skills."

I took a deep breath and tried to take in my surroundings. It was hard, but I could see the faint outline of what I was sure were training dummies. I began making my way over, slowly and quietly, so as not to trigger the AI, but the sound of a dummy coming in behind me caught me off guard, and I was swept off my feet before I could react at all.

This training was gonna be a nightmare... Well, I got to test my senses, so maybe not all was bad.

As the training dragged on, I was getting used to the darkness and the noises, reacting to them and fighting back their sneak attacks, my movements becoming more fluid. They swung and lunged at me with precision, but I realized my reflexes had sharpened as I became accustomed. Of course, the AI would react to my understanding and counteracting, switching up their attack pattern and strategy, kinda keeping me on my toes the entirety of the training.

My hits grew slightly more precise with time, and anticipating attacks was becoming easier than merely reacting to them.

The exercise was grueling but fulfilling, and I could kinda feel my combat skills improving with each successful maneuver.

////////

Finishing up our simulation battle drill short, Endeavour called us over for an emergency. He said that there was a high-speed chase through the city and backup had been called. Endeavour's agency was notified that the group would be rushing through the main street near the agency, and while Endeavour had said he could catch them by himself, he was still gonna take us so we could learn and, hopefully, assist.

Immediately, we followed Endeavour outside, and he used his flames to fly above the buildings. Izuku and Katsuki followed, the blond blasting himself as he kept a close distance to Endeavour and Izuku jumped from rooftop to rooftop. Shouto and I were stuck on the ground but he had better quirk mobility than I did. So again, I was left to chase after them.

Thankfully, the endurance and speed training was showing some results, but my whole body was sore from the training, and my muscles were more fatigued than I had anticipated, feeling sluggish and unresponsive. I could feel like my legs were gonna buckle under my weight and bring me to the ground at any moment.

With gritted teeth, I pushed myself harder, determined to close the gap between me and Shouto, who was keeping up with Katsuki and Deku. However, it seemed futile. The distance between us didn't shrink, it widened as we continued running the streets.

Unfortunately, I was left behind, longingly staring at the backs of the trio ahead...

By the time I reached them, they had cornered the group, but the situation had already escalated. The group of villains, who seemed incredibly skilled and evasive, were wreaking havoc, causing chaos and property destruction.

I caught a glimpse of one of them as they attempted to flee the scene, and I quickly tried to use my quirk to neutralize the threat. Tried.

As I focused my sight on their body and activated my quirk, my sight turned blurry and a throbbing pain brought me to my knees, clutching my head with my hands. I blinked a few times to get rid of the dizziness that had hit me like a truck, and watched as one of the villains broke free from the short effect my quirk had on him, it just caused him to stumble but quickly regained his footing and now, probably as a last resource, they were bringing civilians into the whole thing which caused panicked crying and screaming.

I watched how a situation I could have prevented spiralled out of control. I felt my heart sink at that realization as I watched the scene unfold in front of me.

Before I could get up and try to fix what my mistake had caused, Endeavour -who had been busy detaining the most dangerous guy of the group- swooped in, his flames dancing around him as he swiftly intervened. With a burst of fiery resolve, he contained the villains and restored order.

I stood at the edge of the chaos, a mix of frustration and helplessness washing over my whole self. The failure seemed to settle heavily on my shoulders, and I could feel the eyes of the trio on me. I didn't dare to look back at them.

Despite their follow-up reassurances, the sense of disappointment lingered.

As the day wound down and we returned to the agency, I felt a growing distance between us. The remainder of the evening, I spent it in reflective solitude, my mind replaying the events of the day over and over. From falling behind during the chase, arriving at the scene, the strained attempt to use my quirk, standing there helplessly as I watched chaos ensue, and lastly, Endeavour cleaning up after my mistake. I felt so powerless.

I sat alone in my room, staring blankly at the wall, the weight of the day pressing down on me.

This wasn’t just about the physical setback; it was the emotional toll of not living up to the expectations I had set for myself. I almost felt like my determination was reaching its limits.

I knew I needed to find a way to overcome this setback, to push past the frustration and begin building my confidence. I was fully aware that the road to becoming a hero was filled with obstacles, and today has been a harsh reminder of that fact.

I decided I would get better.

So I went out to approach Burnin', filled with determination.

"Burnin'-san, can we do some more training? I think I can handle it," she raised an eyebrow, clearly impressed by what I was requesting.

“You’re up for more? Alright then, let’s get to it.”

The training session took place in the same gym as in the morning, the same situation, only this time I was tasked with pushing my endurance and speed and, furthermore, honing my decision-making. While the exercises were equally gruelling, they didn't feel as harsh as the previous day. Each challenge thrown my way was designed to test my abilities to think and react quickly under pressure.

I pushed through the fatigue I felt through my whole body, determined to make the most of the opportunity.

By the end of the session, exhaustion was setting in my bones, but a sense of accomplishment replaced the doubts that may or may have not crossed my mind.

///////

Later that night, as the dorm fell quiet, I found myself turning restlessly on my bed, unable to sleep, my mind plagued by the incident. I got up and wandered through the empty hallways, seeking solace in the stillness. My mind was a whirlwind of thoughts, doubts, and regrets.

The bright lights of the agency seemed distant and cold, a stark contrast to the warmth and hope I felt when I chose this agency: a hope to improve. To be better.

When I finally returned to my room it was past midnight. I laid back down and blankly stared at the ceiling.

Even if the challenges of the day had tested me, they had also shown me improvements compared to the first day, even more so if I compared them to before the internship had started. I was eager to continue pushing myself forward and getting stronger.

I felt like, steadily and slowly, I was forging my path to become a hero.

///////

Day 4 of my internship with Endeavour.

As Endeavour walked into the room, he looked at us, sitting together on a table done eating our breakfast and just waiting for Burnin', "Today is patrol day, let's go."

We stood up and followed after.

Patrol started quite awkwardly, and how could it not? The tension from yesterday was almost breathable or tangible. I felt like the memory of my failure was casting a heavy cloud over me.

Despite the lingering doubts I felt, I continued walking behind them, next to Katsuki, whose gauntlets graced my arm every so often.

I wondered what could be in store for us today-.

"Tell me," Endeavour's rough voice reached our ears, making us look at him and stop in place as he did as well, "On it, we're on our way," he turned to us and started walking the way we came from, "Follow me, interns."

As we did so, Endeavour filled us in on the situation. A building had caught on fire and was collapsing, there were heroes at the scene, but the damages were growing as the fire continued to spread. The gravity of the situation was noticeable in his voice, slightly strained as he picked up his speed.

Upon arriving, we were greeted by chaos; flames licked up the walls, casting a hellish glow that flickered, smoke rose into the sky, and debris scattered across the street and sidewalk.

"Paralyze, Deku, help evacuate," both of us responded an 'on it!' in unison before running to help the people still exiting the building. I moved with purpose, guiding panicked people to safety as quickly as I could.

I constantly looked around, scanning the area for any signs of danger, not wanting the failure from yesterday to repeat itself. Sirens from the ambulances as they approached echoed off the streets, combining with the crackling of ice as Shouto and Katsuki worked together tirelessly to control the fire and stabilize the crumbling building.

Amid all the chaos, I noticed a piece of rubble detaching from the building's wall.

My heart skipped a beat when I saw a little girl, oblivious to the danger she was putting herself in. She was crying, calling out for her mother. Instinctively, I activated my quirk, stopping her before she could move any further into danger.

Without thinking about it twice, I enhanced my legs and sprinted toward the child as fast as I could. Her wide, frightened eyes met mine as I reached my arm out to her.

"Careful!" My voice got out before I could stop it, grabbing her just as the rubble fell. I guarded her with my whole body as we rolled a few times on the ground due to my momentum.

I sat on the ground, still holding onto her as her cries got louder, piercing through the chaos of the street, her small and frail body shaking against me.

As the dust picked up by the rubble settled, I slowly began kneeling on the ground, trying to get a look at the little girl to check up on her and make sure she was okay. Aside from a few scratches on her arms, she seemed pretty much unharmed, so I settled her feet on the ground.

That's when a woman came in and knelt next to me, hugging the little girl tightly in her arms in a protective embrace, tears trailing down her face. Her mom.

“Thank you, thank you for saving my little girl,” she choked out, her voice thick with relief.

The little girl, who was now clinging to her mother, reached out and grabbed onto the front of my jacket, her fist trembling but holding tightly onto me.

I felt my heart swell with a mix of relief and warmth as I looked at them, a reassuring smile growing on my face, "Get somewhere safe, ma'am," I urged in a gentle tone, helping the mom stand up with her daughter in her arms, "We'll handle it from here."

She nodded, a look in her eyes that expressed her gratitude as she hurried away. I watched them go, feeling a sense of accomplishment washing over me. I was able to react in time, I saved a life... And made a difference.

With a heavy breath, I returned to my duties, my steps feeling lighter, my resolve stronger than it did the past days.

The events of today were a stark reminder of the importance of hero work. I knew I had to continue moving forward and prove to myself that I could overcome my struggles.

The remainder of the mission was a blur of activity—assisting with the evacuation, supporting Shouto and Katsuki with their efforts, and ensuring that everyone was safe. By the time we were finished, the sun was setting, and the city slowly returned to a semblance of normalcy.

As our little team of four regrouped, we shared a quiet moment together. Katsuki leaned against me as he pulled his eyemask up to his hair, nudging his hand against mine. Izuku and Shouto showed me supportive smiles, though half-half's smile was hard to notice with how subtle it was.

Having them close reminded me that we had each other during our internship, to hold each other together in moments of doubt and remind us why we're doing what we're doing.

//////

We arrived at the agency extremely tired and dirty because of all the smoke we had been close to. Thankfully, we were given the rest of the day off to do whatever we wanted by Endeavour.

The first thing we all did was go to the gym and train. And train. And train.

It was dinner by the time Burnin' told us to wash up and come upstairs to the cafeteria. So we did.

Overall, it was a tiring day.

///////

Day 5 of my internship with Endeavour.

Training in the morning was a copy of the second day. I ran all morning on that damn treadmill and I was convinced I didn't collapse because whatever God I believed in was a real homie.

...Yeah, I tripped the moment I thought about that, but it was after I had already gotten off.

What followed was patrol, and despite how active the past four days had been when it came to patrol, nothing happened, which was good for the citizens but not as good for the heroes. If there's something I've noticed is that villains and criminals are up to some heavy shit when they're not actively trying to destroy the city.

Coming back to the agency a few hours later, we were met with an unexpected announcement: the entire team would participate in a surprise drill. As the details unfolded, I could sense the competitive energy in the air. This drill was designed to test our skills and readiness in a real-world scenario, with the sidekicks acting as opponents and we teamed up.

It was the perfect chance to put everything we had been working on into practice.

When the drill began, I felt a sudden surge of adrenaline through my body, so I focused on everything I had been learning over the past days, the endurance, reflexes, and strategic use of my quirk. Despite the lingering aching I felt in my muscles, I moved with newfound fluidity, and that was thanks to the relentless training I had been pushed through.

I felt my body moving through the simulated battlefield with purpose, my eyes scanning around for opportunities.

I was able to use my quirk to immobilize the movements of my opponents momentarily, allowing me to outmaneuver them with my body enhanced. My sharpened reflexes and precision attacks became my advantage, and I found myself being able to successfully assist to the team's effort.

Despite not being the fastest or strongest out of the four of us, I could tell that my training made a significant difference.

There was something quite satisfying about how easily we were able to work together, coordinated in a way that made me almost believe we had some weird telepathic connection.

As the drill came to its end, I was panting for air and exhausted, but quite content with the progress I hadn't quite realized I made.

Burnin' called us and we gathered in front of her, and Endeavour -who had been supervising us- approached with his usual stoic demeanour. It was clear he kept a sharp eye on us during our training, but the look in them didn't show a specific emotion.

He looked at us briefly, studying us with his turquoise gaze. Even though his approval was not overtly expressive, I did manage to notice the subtle nod of recognition he gave to us.

It was a small gesture, but it spoke volumes. It was an acknowledgement of how much we've improved.

After that, Endeavour left the room, we gathered around to discuss the outcomes of today's training drill.

Katsuki held my arm and wrapped it around himself. I noticed Shouto looking at us with his head slightly tilted to the side obviously confused and trying to understand why Katsuki and I were so close together. Izuku took a glimpse at us and began nervously rambling as he tried to get Shouto's attention, which did work. His mismatched eyes looked at the greenette, and listened to what Deku was saying.

Though he kept glancing at us every couple of minutes.

"If he can't figure it out, then he's an airhead," Katsuki muttered next to me, staring at Shouto with a subtle frown on his brow. I looked down at him and pulled him closer to me.

"I'm sure he'll catch on, though I don't know why you want him to realize we're dating," the tip of his ears turned pink and he looked away.

"I wanna be close to you... It's been days since we've been together alone," I bit my lip as I heard him. He was right, we haven't spent time together since our internship started, and all the training, patrolling, and constantly being surrounded by people made it hard.

I shifted to stand behind and placed my free arm on his hip, leaning down to press my mouth on his shoulder, taking a deep breath and smelling that burnt caramel scent he's always had, "I love you."

His body tensed, and he pulled his eye mask down to its intended place, keeping his sight stuck to the ground.

"Wait for me after dinner," was all he said before breaking away from my hold and walking out of the gym. I snickered and followed after him.

///////

As the day came to an end, I waited for dinner while standing on the rooftop, overlooking the darkening sky. I felt the weight of exhaustion cling to my body like a second skin despite the first week not being near from over yet, but something about this feeling of tiredness was different... This feeling had been born from effort, from pushing myself beyond what I thought were my physical limits.

These past days had tested me in ways I hadn't expected, tested my determination and resolve, tested my knowledge of what it meant to be a Hero.

With that thought in mind, I watched as the sun began slowly descending behind the horizon.

The chill breeze against my skin made me get goosebumps, but my warm hero suit worked to keep me warm despite the winter air gently swaying my hair around. I nudged my nose inside the collar of my jacket and kept my hands in my pockets, taking in the sight of the busy city underneath me.

The quiet sounds of footsteps reached my ear, and out of the corner of my eye, I spotted bright green flames. Burnin' stood beside me, in complete quiet. Her fiery energy seemed to have been replaced by a more calm version of her.

We remained quiet, a comfortable silence between us, watching as the sky turned from a vibrant orange glow to the soft purple and blue hues as the day approached its end.

The week replayed in my mind in short bursts of images; the exhausting training, the failures and the small victories. Everything I've accomplished within a short time.

Finally, Burnin’ broke the silence, “You’ve come a long way, Paralyze.”

I couldn't help but look at her, slightly surprised by the gentle warmth in her voice. It had become painfully obvious that Burnin' wasn't one for empty praise or praise at all, and her words carried a weight that, somehow, hit me harder than any punch I had taken during training.

She had been so dedicated and determined to help me train and be better, but I wasn't expecting her to say that, so it caught me off guard.

“You're no longer the same guy who walked in here on his first day," she continued, her gaze still fixed on the darkening sky, “You’ve got heart, and you’re learning to use your head. Keep pushing yourself like this, and you’ll go far.”

Her words made my chest swell with strange pride. Someone as strong and capable as her... Encouraging someone like me... That told me she had noticed my inner conflicts when it came to keeping up with everyone. With Katsuki, who was arguably the fastest of us all, he was an exceptionally quick learner and adapted well to the circumstances. With Izuku, who had quick thinking and was exceptional at decision-making. And with Shouto, who was the most resilient and collected of us, made quick calls as he analyzed situations where he could bring support.

While I had constantly doubted myself, questioning if I really could keep up with the demands of this internship. It had only been five days, and I was ready to give up within the first 48 hours of being here.

Building my confidence was proving to be a pain in my ass, one that I hadn't realized how badly it could fuck up my performance.

But hearing Burnin’s reassurance and acknowledgement of my efforts... It was a validation he didn’t realize I needed.

Unable to hold back a smile, I nodded and turned back to look at the horizon. The sky had almost gone completely dark, meaning we had to go back inside soon, “Thank you, Burnin’. It’s been… tough, but I feel like I’m starting to find myself here.”

She chuckled softly, the sound more of a rumble in her chest than an actual laugh.

“That’s the spirit. It’s not about being the strongest or the fastest, even if that does help. It’s about knowing who you are and what you bring to the table. You’re figuring that out, and that’s half the battle," she gave me a pat on the shoulder, which made my smile widen.

As the last rays of sunlight disappeared, I felt somewhat accomplished. Despite the chaos this week had made in my head, it felt like a transformation.

That overwhelming feeling of not being fast enough, strong enough, capable enough... Good enough, had subdued significantly. The lingering dread of not knowing what the future held clung to the back of my mind, but I could feel my resolve settling in my bones.

A resolve to keep moving forward, no matter what.

Burnin’ clapped my shoulder again, a little bit harder, her hand warm and reassuring, her cheeky grin back on her face, “Let's head back, dinner should be ready any minute now. And rest well, the days ahead are not gonna get any easier."

My smile grew, and a small, tired sigh left me, “And I wouldn’t expect them to be.”

///////

That night, as I laid in bed next to Katsuki, I felt at ease for the first time since the internship started.

I couldn't lie, I was scared about what the future days held, but I was equally as excited to be able to surpass the challenges that awaited me.

///////

Day 6 of my internship with Endeavour.

Today's training was a simulation combat, testing our reflexes and decision-making under pressure. Again, Endeavour was supervising us.

The simulation battlefield was a chaotic landscape of moving targets and unpredictable obstacles.

"Take down moving targets while evading attacks, quirk or no quirk! Up to you, interns!" Burnin's voice echoed off the wall through the speakers and just like that, the combat began.

From the get-go, it was obvious this was a tough exercise, one that demanded precision and agility. I took a step back and let out a deep breath, preparing myself for the challenge.

Since the dummies weren't people with muscles, I couldn't use my quirk, and stopping machinery required way too much concentration to get it even remotely working, so that was out of the question. So I just went in head-on, though somehow cautious, unlike a certain Explody McBoomBoom.

At first, it was fine and doable, I tried to anticipate what movements the dummies would do next, and avoid their attacks to the best of my abilities.

However, as the difficulty went up tenfold, I began to stutter and hesitate. Predicting wasn't cutting it anymore and I was receiving more hits than I was landing them. The AI learned more the longer we kept going, but the others were able to adapt quickly to the change.

Doubt gnawed at me, and each move I considered seemed to crumble under the weight of my overthinking. My mind was a mess of conflicting strategies and fears.

Letting out a shaky breath, I looked up, in time to see a pair of dummies making their way toward me, attacks at the ready, and I froze. I didn't know what to do.

Everything seemed to be going in slow motion, they continued getting closer and I remained stuck in place, my mind a swirl of thoughts that came down in shambles. I couldn't-

"Trust your instincts, don't overthink, focus," the rough voice of Endeavour echoed off the walls amidst the chaos and filled my ears. As I spared a glance over, I could see his fiery gaze locked on me before turning to look at the others.

Gritting my teeth, I pushed away my hesitation, shifting my focus from my overworked mind and letting my body guide me to what was the most viable way to counter.

As I completely stopped thinking, I looked up at the dummy that had jumped and had begun its descent toward me, the other running at me. I swiftly swerved to the side as the latter dummy's fist lunged at me. Grabbing its wrist, I twisted it behind its back, using my other hand to press on its back, where its shoulder blades would be, and with a strong push, I pinned it to the ground, the metal creaking under my grip.

Glancing up, the descending dummy was within my reach, I released the first dummy and leaped back, ending up with my one knee on the floor, forcing distance between us. It landed in the exact spot I was in, and I took my chance.

I placed my dominant hand on the floor behind me and kicked up with my legs, successfully hitting the dummy's head full force and leaving its head dangling from its body.

"Holy..." I stared, surprised as it wasn't my intention to break it or anything, but more dummies were coming toward me, so I didn't have to think about it.

As I continued reacting in instinct rather than overthinking the best move, it allowed me to finish the training soon after. Throughout the training, Endeavour’s presence was a constant reminder of the high standards I was pushing to meet. He watched us with a critical eye, his expression unreadable, but his presence was a powerful motivator, and as I pushed through the final stretch, I could feel his gaze, a silent challenge to do better.

As the simulation was called to an end, the four of us gathered in the center, breaths ragged and sweat dripping. Burnin’ approached, her eyes reflecting a subtle flicker of pride, “Good work today,” she said, nodding approvingly.

Endeavour, though stoic, gave a gruff but appreciative grunt, “You adapt well. Keep that up.”

"And remember! Sometimes the best moves are the ones you don’t overthink," Burnin' added, grinning at us but sending a wink at me. I felt slightly embarrassed that both she and Endeavour had noticed my hesitation, but their reassurance -although barely noticeable- served to put my mind at ease.

I learned that trusting my instincts was just as important as having a plan. Reacting on reflex and not giving time to my mind to start overthinking would be a powerful asset.

We were given a break to cool down and freshen up, as well as eat something if we needed to. We sat together at one of the tables in the cafeteria. We were silent, probably too tired to say anything.

Katsuki, like he had been doing all week, leaned against me, seeking my warmth or comfort -I wasn’t sure- but I reached for his hand under the table and finished the last of the water in my glass.

Shouto stared at us, his head tilted to the side, “You two seem really close. I didn’t expect that.”

Katsuki growled, his eyes narrowing at our half-and-half friend, “Got something you wanna say, IcyHot?”

Izuku glanced nervously between them, clearly uncertain about how to handle the situation. He seemed too hesitant to intervene, maybe just as worn out by their bickering as I was, but I usually found it entertaining.

Shouto looked thoughtful for a moment before responding, “No, it’s just... I didn’t realize you two were... well, like this. It’s surprising, that’s all.”

Izuku seemed to be able to breathe normally again, and he picked up the candy bar he had grabbed as a snack.

He almost choked on it when Shouto did the same thing Katsuki did. He leaned on the greenette, even if their height difference seemed kind of uncomfortable, "We should do that as well, shouldn't we, Midoriya? We're best friends, too," I bit my bottom lip and tried to contain a laugh, but Katsuki didn't.

"You're dense as fuck, IcyHot," Izuku's face had almost caught on fire, his stare blank and his expression seemed to be stuck in place.

Deku.exe has stopped working...

Thankfully, the door opened and Burnin' walked in, followed by Endeavour, "You did well today, interns, but the day is far from over, let's go! Time for patrol!"

///////

Our patrol began uneventfully, trailing after Endeavour with little chat among us, my eyes trailing around the streets, feeling my senses heightened. It was obvious the training had sharpened them, making me more aware of everything going around me, observing the city's streets and alleys with heightened awareness.

When midday arrived, Endeavour tuned in on his earpiece, calling out to us as he took off, and we followed. Staying behind didn't hit me as hard as it had done, probably because I was keeping up their pace, despite not being as fast as them, I was managing, and without using my quirk.

Endeavour briefed on our way there. A truck had gone out of control and hit a store, caving the walls in and trapping a couple of people who were inside. There was an obvious shift in the air as we learned it was a rescue mission. Soon, we arrived at the scene, and the gravity of the situation set in.

The chaos that greeted us was overwhelming; there was debris scattered everywhere, emergency responders were already on site, and the Pro-Heroes, including Endeavour, were handling heavy lifting and dangerous operations with practised efficiency.

As I assessed the scene, my eyes darted across the collapsed building, searching for potential escape routes and the safest paths for extraction, as apparently they hadn't been cleared yet. My training had emphasized my quick thinking and situational awareness, and now I had to put those skills to the test.

Among the wreckage, I spotted a narrow but viable path leading to the trapped civilians, partially obscured by debris and leading to a narrow alley.

"Guys, over here," I called out to the trio and headed toward the path I had spotted, "Shouto, freeze this wall to prevent it from collapsing," without a word, he did as I told him, "Katsuki, can you pull the debris out of there?"

He nodded as well and knelt on the ground after Shouto moved out of the way. Katsuki handled the debris to me and I gave it to Izuku, who made sure to put them in the nearby pile.

Now, with the path cleared, we needed someone to get the civilians out...

"Deku, you go, you're the smallest one of us, and... You're good at reassuring people," the greenette responded with a firm 'I will' and crawled into the space. Shortly after, a small hand reached out, and I knelt on the ground, helping a little boy out. He clung to me and cried.

"Hey, it's okay, you're safe now," he kept babbling 'mommy, mommy' over and over again, and I saw there was someone else trying to get out, "Shouto," I handled the boy to him, and he held him to his left side, easing his crying at the feeling of the half-and-half's warmth.

I gently reached for the lady that was crawling out, and soon realized she had a small pregnant bump, so I rushed to pick her up in my arms and toward the ambulance.

“Help Deku with the victims!” I half-expected Katsuki to grumble in protest, but he complied without protest. His unspoken acknowledgement reassured me he understood his role.

I noticed Endeavour giving orders to a few emergency responders and pointing toward me first and then the path I had spotted, his usual stern look didn't change, but he had obviously been paying attention to us and took note of my input.

I took the woman to the paramedics as I was told, and as I was about to return to the scene when she grasped my hand tightly, her eyes pleading with a mix of fear and hope., "My son... Husband, are still..." She struggled to talk, as she seemed to be having trouble breathing, and she was told to stay quiet and still.

But she kept looking at me, "I'll get your son and husband back, miss, don't worry."

That seemed to reassure her because she let go of me, and I rushed back to the scene. The little boy was now in the hands of a man, roughly the same age as the woman, so I approached him. He was freaking out about his wife.

"Sir, sir," he looked at me with teary eyes, and I placed my hand on his shoulder, "Take a deep breath with me, okay?" He did a few times, and I continued talking, "Is your wife pregnant? Was she wearing a pink dress?"

All the man could do was nod repeatedly, tears now free-falling down his face.

"Hey, it's okay, she's fine," I guided him further away from the scene and closer to the ambulances, "She's being taken care of by the paramedics, you two should as well. She's over here."

Finally getting him to calm down, he allowed me to take him to his wife, who smiled at me when she saw us, "Thank... You..."

"No need, it's what I do," I began backing away, showing her a small smile, "Gotta get back to work now."

The process to continue evacuation was intricate, each maneuver through the debris was carefully calculated and observed to be able to reach the remaining trapped civilians.

///////

As the ambulances drove away with all the victims to get medical check-ups or treatment, I stood there, watching as the bystanders began walking away, putting their phones away. I wouldn't be surprised if this whole thing got posted on the internet.

"Paralyze," the rough voice behind me made me turn around, slightly startled as I was kinda lost in thought. I turned around to see Endeavour standing behind me, arms crossed, "Good job today, you found a path and made it safe, without it, rescue would have taken a lot longer and lives could have been lost."

He tapped my shoulder, the silent reassurance made me want to smile and jump like a little kid who just got a new toy, but I contained myself.

"Thank you, sir!" That was all I managed to respond.

///////

Back at the agency, we had some more training, and it was slightly different than usual, as it was something we hadn't done much of; teamwork and strategic planning. We were tested in pairs, and evaluated based on our quirk compatibility, communication and overall understanding.

I think I did pretty well in my pairs, but Katsuki... He wasn't happy until he got to have me as his teammate, which didn't go unnoticed by Endeavour.

And the hero actually told me I had a pretty good sense of what my role always was, and to me, it was obvious. I was the support, the backup-.

"You forge the path for the more aggressive type of quirks, you create opportunities," he began, catching me off guard as I had quite literally never thought about it that way, "Even a second can make the difference when fighting villains."

I left quite speechless, and I only managed to mumble a small, "Thank you, sir."

He continued talking, pointing out what we had improved in and what we still needed to focus more on. I got the same as always; don't hesitate, don't overthink, and if you can't predict, then react.

"Go take a break, we'll be back on patrol in twenty minutes," everyone left the gym and I trailed behind them, but my sight lingered on the the flame hero. I felt a tug on my jacket, and I looked over to see Katsuki staring at me with what I could only describe as puppy eyes.

"You coming?" His voice came out so soft I almost completely forgot what I wanted to do.

"I will, but... I'll be there in five minutes, okay?" I reached my free hand up to wipe away some of the ash that had stuck to his face, "Gotta do something first, love," I said quietly for only him to hear. He didn't seem happy with that but he didn't complain and left.

I took a deep breath, feeling a mix of anticipation and nervousness, and turned back around to approach Endeavour.

“Excuse me, Endeavour-san,” I began, my voice steady but respectful, “I was wondering if you could do me a favor.”

Endeavour turned his intense gaze on me, his flames dancing on his face as usual, though the flicker wasn't as intense, “What is it?”

“I’d like to ask if you could sign a few autographs for my younger brothers,” I said sincerely, fiddling with my fingers, “They’re big fans of yours, and it would mean a lot to them. They were really excited when I told them I was gonna be doing my Work Study here.”

Endeavour’s eyes narrowed slightly in thought, and all I could do was hold my breath, hoping for a positive response. To my surprise, a hint of a smile appeared on his face, “Of course,” he said with a nod, “I’d be happy to.”

Relief and gratitude surged through me. I honestly wasn't expecting he would agree, considering he had a history of rejecting autographs or pictures, so this was a relief.

///////

After getting the Endeavour cards the twins gave me to get signed, I made my way to his office, where he had told me he'd be waiting.

He was sitting at his desk when he allowed me entrance.

"I'm back, sir," I walked toward him and carefully placed the shiny cards on the desk, along with a sharpie.

He grabbed it and uncapped it, glancing at me briefly, "What are their names?"

"Oh, right... Akira and Ryo, they're twins, Endeavour nodded and signed both cards, writing 'For Akira' and 'For Ryo' individually on them.

"How old are they?" It seemed like he was trying to make conversation, which I didn't mind. I was still trying to process working with the number one hero. He capped the sharpie and handed it back to me, along with both signed cards.

"Nine, almost ten, they're gonna start grade 5 in April," I wasn't sure I saw well, but there seemed to be a hint of a smile on Endeavour's face.

"They look up to you, don't they?" The question caught me off guard and I found myself sheepishly chuckling, slowly scratching my cheek.

I honestly wasn't sure if they did. I wanted to believe I was a good older brother to them, so they wouldn't hate me, but I wouldn't say they looked up to me, "I... I'm not sure, sir," Endeavour let out a noise that replicated a laugh, but it was too short for me to actually hear it well.

"Well, if they don't already, they definitely will."

///////

I headed to the cafeteria room with the cards in the zipped-up pocket of my jacket. I was hoping Katsuki wouldn't be too mad at me for taking too long and they had saved some food for me.

Which they did, and Katsuki was indeed mad at me, but the anger was gone the moment we locked eyes, even more so when I sat next to him and let him cling to my arm in complete silence. It was funny watching Shouto doing the same thing to Izuku.

That made me wonder if I should tell Shouto that Katsuki and I are dating because he obviously thinks we're just friends and is getting confused about how friends should behave with each other, but for now, I decided to focus on my food.

///////

Day 7 of my internship with Endeavour.

"You've each gotten a sparring partner to test what you've learned so far," Burnin' explained our training for today, "You'll be taking turns, and you'll be watching your friends closely and will assess how much they've improved based on it, got it?" She didn't even want us to answer, so we didn't, at least not out loud, because I nodded in acknowledgement, "Shouto, you're up first."

Without a word, Shouto walked up front and stood in the middle of the arena, stretching and warming up as did his opponent.

The sidekick, Frostbite, had ice-based powers, as her name suggested, and she was in the top ten strongest sidekicks working for Endeavour. I wondered how this ice versus ice and fire fight would go down.

The match was more focused on Shouto's control of his quirk. Frostbite's strategy was to create a series of ice barriers to limit movement and disrupt his fire attacks, Shouto responded with precise, controlled bursts of fire and ice to counter and break through her barriers.

It worked as a good demonstration of Shouto’s improved versatility and tactical thinking. He had significantly improved his ability to change between ice and fire attacks, successfully keeping Frostbite on her toes as she didn't really know how he could attack next. The sparring match ended with Shouto executing a perfectly timed combination attack, effectively breaking through her defences and demonstrating the improved control he had over his quirk.

I was impressed, though I didn't really show it, unlike Izuku, who began mumbling to Shouto as soon as he came back. "Okay, next up!" Burnin' called and I noticed another sidekick walking to the arena. That was Ironclad, "Bakugou, your turn!"

Ironclad was a sidekick that specialized in advanced hand-to-hand combat and had a strong quirk that could enhance his physical strength temporarily, much like my quirk, without the annoying bit where you had to it use on someone else first to be able to use on yourself.

As the match started, it was obvious that Ironclad's strategy was to use his enhanced strength to overpower Katsuki's explosive attacks and force him into close-quarters combat.

Katsuki responded with fierce, strong and wide explosions. His unrelenting approach pushed the sidekick to his limits and Katsuki's quick reflexes allowed him to adapt to Ironclad's strength. Safe to say, the match was intense, with both of them exchanging powerful blows.

Of course, as someone who refused to lose against "nobodies", Katsuki gave it his all and came out victorious with a precisely timed explosion that threw Ironclad off balance. Maybe it was hard to notice because his behaviour never changed, but Katsuki had improved a shit ton as well. His explosions felt more powerful and well thought through. Not that they weren't before, but the change was there, albeit small.

"Next up is Paralyze!" I blinked at the sound of my name and I watched the arena.

I had to go against Phantom Edge?! Are you kidding me Burnin'?!

The match hadn't even started, and I was already claiming defeat, there's no fucking way I can win against him. He was like fucking Edgeshot, quick and lethal like a ninja.

I took a deep breath and started walking toward the arena, waiting for the starting signal, which came soon after. His reputation as an experienced fighter was well-earned, and I could feel the heavy weight of expecting eyes probably waiting for me to win... Bad news, I didn't think I'd be able to win. As soon as the match began, Phantom's movements were a blur, each hit and dodge executed with a fluid precision that pushed me to my limits and forced me to back away, trying to increase the distance between us.

His attacks came fast and unrelenting, his skill evident in every calculated motion. I was soon put on the defensive, struggling to keep up as his quick strikes tested my reflexes and endurance. All my training may have honed my abilities, but facing Phantom was a different level of intensity. He knew how to make his sense-enhancing quirk strong.

The pressure was immense, and for a moment, I felt doubt creep in, but as I blocked Phantom's punches, launching a series of rapid strikes, I refocused, remembering every bit of my training. I remembered the advice and techniques I had learned.

Right when the decisive strike was about to hit me, I caught sight of Phantom's arms as he withdrew them, and instinct kicked in. I activated my quirk, immobilizing his arm just as he prepared to attack again, and with his movement halted I took the opportunity, delivering a solid hit that sent him staggering back.

The impact of it felt electrifying, a blend of strength and strategy that brought me goosebumps.

The gym fell silent as Phantom grinned, clearly impressed by the counterattack, “Well done!” he exclaimed, clapping me on the back, “That was a pretty good hit, intern."

He began walking away after Burnin' signaled the end of the match, "And last but not least, Deku! You're up!"

Izuku was paired up against Tempest Gale, whose quirk allowed him to generate and manipulate powerful gusts of wind. Tempest's strategy involved using the wind to create barriers and disorient Izuku, however, he adapted quickly by using his agility and strategic thinking to navigate through the wind gusts and close the distance.

The match showcased Izuku’s growing ability to integrate his One For All power with his combat tactics. He used a combination of quick bursts and powerful, precise strikes of Air Force to break through Tempest's defences. What secured his victory was a well-placed Detroit Smash, which worked to disrupt Tempest's wind creation and manipulation. I could see Burnin’ and Endeavour watching with approval, recognizing Izuku’s improved control and tactical prowess.

Overall, these sparring trainings were proof of how much we've grown and how effective the training sessions had been. The feedback from their sidekicks and Endeavour highlighted our progress and areas for further improvement, setting a positive tone for continued development.

Endeavour commented on my progress with integrating my quirk into combat. He noted my improved fluidity and precision, especially after today’s advanced training. He acknowledged Shouto’s growing mastery over his fire and ice quirk, praising his control and adaptability. He recognized Katsuki’s relentless drive and improvement in combat tactics. And praised Deku for his growth in handling his quirk and his ability to strategize under pressure.

Burnin’ stepped forward, her face a mix of pride and satisfaction, “You did great today, interns."

///////

This past week had been a mess full of challenges and breakthroughs. I'd encountered my limits and faced them head-on, experiencing both the highs of success and the lows of setbacks. Each day had its trials, but also significant strides in my growth on my path to becoming a hero.

I got lost in thought as I sat in the darkness of my room, all alone, and I found myself thinking about my friends, Izuku and Shouto, and my dear boyfriend, Katsuki. I had admired them from the day the USJ attack became public, having to face off against villains on their first week of class must've been rough. I looked up to them for their bravery and determination to win, however, this week had ignited something deep within me.

I didn't just want to keep up with them; I wanted to surpass them. The thought was both daunting and exhilarating, a goal that drove me forward with renewed purpose.

++++

This is where I fucked the timeline but it's fine... Hopefully!

Also, are you guys enjoying the chapters?

#paralyze fic #bakugou katsuki fanfic #bakugou x male #bakugou x male reader #male reader #reader insert #x reader

8 notes · View notes

itooaminthisepisode · 4 months ago

Note

Hi, me again (sorry if this is annoying), but I was wondering if you had any advice on writing fanfics. Cuz i just started, and im having a hard time properly expressing the characters' head space. Or writing dialogues that i feel like the characters would actually say. Again, feel free to ignore this if it's annoying.

not annoying at all don't worry abt it!! glad to help out an aspiring writer!!

and honestly it might sound cliche but my best advice is to read!! see what your favourite fic authors are doing and take note of what you really like about their fics. is it the way they describe emotions? is it their sense of humour? i find that reading a fic with this in mind helps me understand what i want to see in my own fics!!

also, it might sound a little odd but find out what tense you best like to write in. i always used to write in past tense because it's what i was taught, but when i started writing for the house fandom i switched to present tense and it feels SO much easier for me - it feels like i'm actually there, so i can better describe the scene. it might not be the same for you, but i would recommend trying to write a few snippets in different tenses to see what works best!

another thing i would recommend is reading meta posts about your fandoms, specifically character analysis. that certainly helped me when i was stuck with characterisation! alternatively, you could watch an episode or two (or read it or whatever other media your fandoms are) with the express goal of noting down their motivations for doing things. getting to the fundamentals of why a character reacted a certain way, or what made them say a certain thing, is immensely useful.

and one of the best pieces of advice i can give: write what YOU love. don't write something because you think it'll be popular, or because other people like it - write for yourself and yourself alone!! i cannot stress enough how much this mindset helped me. a few years ago i used to get so burned out whenever i tried to write, because i was trying to appeal to the masses with my ideas. all that ended up happening was me getting stressed as hell and never publishing any of it. but now that i'm writing things that i'm interested in and that i enjoy, the process is much easier because i'm genuinely having fun :D

also: don't worry if you think it's 'bad.' it doesn't have to be perfect - it's fanfiction! you're putting it out on the internet for free, and that's incredible in its own right!! plus, i guarantee you that someone out there is going to love it no matter what. try not to compare yourself to other authors either, even if you have an idea similar to someone else - i know it's easier said than done, but comparison is the mind killer. this comic genuinely helped me so much with this:

people will be delighted to see your work!! and don't be afraid to write things that are weird or freaky or a bit out of the box. there's an audience for everything - write for yourself first and foremost, but oftentimes you'll be able to find other people who love the same tropes and ideas and headcanons that you do, and it's great to find a little community where everyone can uplift and support each other :)

hope this wasn't too rambly and i hope it helps!! good luck in your writing endeavours!! <3

#asks #writing #writing advice

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goopi-e · 3 months ago

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> what if you did go into the rant

*tee-hee* Okay! It will be beneficial for my own purposes to have all the ideas in one post, too. So, the gist of ot is as follows:

Great Sea is not the only sea in the world. The ocean goes on outside of the game's map, Link is just arbitrarily stopped by KoRL at the borders. We know of at least the World of the Ocean King — no matter if Phantom Hourglass takes place in the alternate dimension or not, the waters Tetra and her crew sail are implied to be outside of the Great Sea proper. Even in Wind Waker's text, there's some evidence to there being other countries that have commerce with the Great Sea denizens, i.e. Zunari and the Goron merchants not being from around here.

All the major habitable zones of the Great Sea are located either next to its border (Outset, Forsaken Fortress) or within one square radius of it (Windfall, Dragon Roost, Forest Haven, formerly Greatfish). The center of the map forms a dead zone, with the exception of the Private Oasis (not so much of a populated place, even including the basement) and Tingle Island (which, let's be real, shouldn't count).

There's evidence of both Great Sea being fishless and of Great Sea peoples going fishing at least sometimes, as discussed above. Except these two facts don't have to be contradictory, because:

What if they fish outside of the Great Sea? This would explain the proximity of the major population centers to the borders, as it's easier to transport the haul back home that way. One of the flags from the trading sequence, the Big Catch Flag, is made for "a festival in which fishermen hope for a good catch", yet "was made by a fisherman from a foreign land" — so there are fish in this world somewhere.

Okay, but there are two problems with the idea of them fishing outside of the Great Sea. One: Link seemingly has to be taught how to fish in Phantom Hourglass, despite coming from a fishing village, and Orca is a former fisherman — why doesn't anyone else from Outset is doing any fishing now? Two: if they have regular access to the outside, why Tetra's departure to seek new lands is treated like such a big deal?

Here's where the theory enters a more headcanon-y territory, but: my idea is that leaving the Great Sea, while possible, is really hard.

In BoTW, Hyrule's border is separated from the out-of-bounds areas by two kinds of barriers: regular invisible walls, but also the thick walls of wind pushing the player inside if they were to clip beyond the first type of walls. What if these wind walls existed in the game world diegetically, placed by gods to protect Hyrule from outside threats? It may sound weird, but BoTW is the game that invented Blood Moons to explain a common videogame mechanic of respawning enemies by an in-universe magic, so it makes this leap of logic a little more plausible. What's more, during the Dark Beast Ganon fight, Zelda even places a barrier of her own around the battlefield.

If the above paragraph is not conclusive, the rest of the series has two more examples of an area being separated by a wall of impenetrable winds, both of which are way more diegetic: Sea of No Return in Oracle of Ages and Isle of Ruins in Phantom Hourglass. They're both happening over the open ocean, too.

Going back to Wind Waker: what if something similar is at play over the Great Sea's border as well? If we assume that it, too, is surrounded by the walls of wind, the following quote from Zunari sounds interesting: "My story is a strange one... I came across cursed seas from a land far away...a land where the blizzards blow violently...heading for this town called Windfall. But dear me! As I traveled, a terrible storm descended and tore my ship to bits...yet mysteriously, only that escaped without so much as a mark on it..." — so he came from the outside, having to cross the border, and got caught up in the storm. Crossing it from the inside out, then, must be just as dangerous; fishing becomes a way riskier endeavour if you're guaranteed to hit a strip of permanent bad weather on your way.

It makes Link's role as the Wind Waker all the more interesting, too. His ability to guide the winds could've been a deciding factor that ensured a safe departure for Tetra and her crew; that would explain his presence on this expedition. Maybe he has to go ahead of them to clear the way beforehand, and this is why he sails separately from them on the boat that used to be KoRL. And after the events of Phantom Hourglass, Link has even more control over the storms via the Cyclone Slate and especially the Regal Necklace, the item that helped to dissipate the hurricane around the Isle of the Dead.

TLDR: the Great Sea is fishless, but there are fish living outside, which you can haul, but you have to get across a wall of winds first, so it's dangerous and therefore is done very rarely.

See also: potential reason behind Great Sea having no fish that doesn't rely on that weird "illusory water" tidbit from Hyrule Historia and maybe there used to be some fish within the Great Sea, but not anymore.

hai . thinking about wind waker's food 😵‍💫

theres a lot of emphasis on seafood in fanon but in reality there are NO fish out there to be eaten.

on the other hand, both pigs and crabs look pretty abundant, so i think theyre used as the main sources of protein ^.^ seagulls are a potential too but i feel the other two options are easier and quicker to capture and prep. seagulls are prob mostly esten by seafarers that didn't ration their supplies very well

iii can see a lot of soups stews and hotpots being a staple in the average great sea inhabitant's diet, obv the Main food item we see is grandma's soup which helps 👍 i personally think her soup is some sort of red lentil soup, with crabmeat and spices and a teeny bit of blue chu jelly ^_^ blue chus are super rare so grandma was saving it for link's birthday treat :)

something to be said abt the elixir soup is how it acts like a blue potion, so i can for sure see islanders using chu jelly in food and beverages rather than Solely for potionmaking, especially bc of how many places chus spawn . i think theyd be good for making a sweet treat ^_^

more onto drinks, ww had a coffee shop! explicitly saying that it has coffee and coffee beans too 🥳🥳🥳 it's particularly fun bc irl pirates had a history of drinking coffee a lot lol

theres way more to be picked apart but this is getting long as hell and i'm sleepy . okay bye foreverrr

#long post #legend of zelda #wind waker #zelda meta #mostly rehashing the old stuff but i did think of some new evidence since so #sorry for derailing the post a little op; i just love this game so so much

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tteokdoroki · 4 years ago

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awake with you | s.todoroki

♡ pairing: shoto todoroki x fem!reader.

♡ word count: 1.7K

♡ rating: everyone.

♡ genre: ua student!au, angst, comfort, fluff.

♡ summary: during the night, bad things happen but your boyfriend is always there to keep them away. by your side always, shoto todorki makes it his mission to fight your demons and make sure you know that you’re loved.

♡ warning(s): please read ! character death, mentions of car accidents, nightmares, guilt, lack of sleep, but a lot of fluff and the best boyfriend in the whole world :(

♡ author’s note(s): guys! it’s shoto’s birthday, so here i am postiing this shoto request from anon a while back, i hope you all enoy and have celebrating the beautiful boy’s bday <3

♡ masterlist | requests

it was hard for you to sleep.

harder, when shoto wasn’t around.

sometimes it was your thoughts that kept you up; late at night— dark thoughts that swirled around in your head and slowly poisoned your brain with heavy black venom. it was hard to sleep when your mind was heavy with fear, but ever since dating shoto todoroki; those nights became easier and sleep wasn’t so hard to come by.

you weren’t so sure what it was about your boyfriend that made it easier for you to get some shut eye; it’s not like he really knew either. todoroki just didn’t like seeing you in pain, the way your face twisted with discomfort or the way sleepy tears would wet your cheeks under the moonlight— but you had somewhat of an idea, that his fresh peppermint smell and warm arms are what often helped you.

shoto would so lovingly sneak into your room, no matter the time, dusk or dawn— he would hold you tight under the sheets until you drifted off to dream land. even if it meant being teased by the others for stumbling out of your room in the morning, his pretty hair a wild mess creating the image that’d you’d both been up to no good, he’d face it all for you, over and over again.

but tonight, your loving, caring and doting boyfriend was nowhere to be seen— everyone’s second internships had begun and todoroki had chosen to work with his father along with izuku and katsuki, so it was no doubt that they wouldn’t be home until late. what with endeavour being the number one and all.

your friends knew about your struggles to sleep, of course, todoroki bluntly mentioning how you ‘like to sleep together’ to soothe your nightmares ( iida had lectured you about it after, saying it was inappropriate while deku and ochako turned as red as your boyfriend’s hair ) so offered to stay up with you— but you needed rest, today’s training sessions having taken a toll on your body, and wave them off with a smile laced with tiredness.

you could call him, he wouldn’t mind and you know it— but he’s with his father and that takes enough out of him as it is.

you decide, instead, to trudge to the dual quirked boy’s bedroom, instantly calmed by his sweet peppermint scent embedded into every inch of his dorm. you swipe one of his clean sweaters straight from the closet before hitting the lights and snuggling into his bed.

tonight would be fine, todoroki would come home, wrap you in his arms and with the aid of his scent surrounding you— you would sleep safe and soundly.

is what you hoped as you drifted off to the land of dreams.

when you were younger, you watched your older brother, haru, get hit by a car.

the scene haunts you to this very day, crawling up on you while you rest at night— choking you out in your dreams. you see it now, feet glued to the ground as you’re forced to watch the younger version of you, mess with your older brother using your new found quirk. your parents had called it scenery, back then your powerful quirk had been their pride and joy, giving you the ability to create a mirage in a certain targets mind— make them see things that weren’t really there.

back then it was fun to play tricks on your sibling— you made haru see all of his worst nightmares, everything but the road.

everything but the oncoming car.

everything but his untimely death.

you want to scream at little you— tell her to stop and that it’s not funny anymore as she forces your brother back into the road— he’s giggling, he doesn’t know it yet and neither do you. but the words you want to say die down deep in your throat, suffocating you from the inside although they burn at your lungs to burst through.

why cant you speak? why cant you stop her?

adrenaline trickles into your blood stream as you will yourself to run out into the street and protect haru from the oncoming traffic just as he slips off of the sidewalk. your senses are blown out of the water, static noise filling your ears and intertwining with childish screams and the sound of a not so distant honking horn.

you claw harshly at your throat. speak. save him. for god’s sake; do something.

“you’ll kill him! stop! you’re going to kill him!”

the flickering of artificial, yellow light behind your closed eyes has you jolting awake, sweat forming at your brow and hands clenched tightly around your boyfriend’s plain bedsheets. your gaze darts across the room while your heart thumps loudly in your ribcage from the fear that struck you in your dream and finally, your stare settles on a shirtless, bewildered shoto todoroki. his face is a little scratched up no doubt from being on his father’s patrol and he looks exhausted but that doesn’t stop the concern he has for you taking over his expression. “yn—?”

“s-sho,” you hate how your voice caves so easily, the single syllable of your nickname for him falling wetly from chapped lips. todoroki is by your side in an instant, not caring that he’s only half dressed and half awake. he’ll deal with that later.

with tender hands shoto cups the back of your head, letting you sink into the warmth of his flesh. you reach out for your boyfriend and he’s there, taking your free hand in his and giving it a gentle squeeze to help ground you. “love, what happened? why didn’t you call? you know i don’t mind—” his timbre voice fills your ears like warm honey, calming your rapid breathing but all you can do is shake your head.

“nightmare ‘n you were working,” you pant, cutting him off while the death grip on your lover’s hand begins increasing. you feel so far from the ground, the scene of haru’s death dancing across your mind. “i killed him, again—“

shoto watches your body twitch with fear and your usually glimmering eyes gloss over in away that makes him feel sick. you’re not here with him yet, still tangled up in the black string of your bad dreams. the world around the dual eyed boy begins to change and it seems you’ve activated your quirk by accident— showing him scenes of the day your brother died.

you screw your eyes shut as flashes of his body tangle with reality to the point where you don’t know what’s real and what’s not. you’re losing control of yourself so easily, fresh sets of tears stinging their way down your streaked cheeks. trapped. you feel trapped like a bird in a cage even while you’re awake and the sounds of cars and screaming burn at your ears once more.

make it stop, please.

“yn... come back to me love, i’m right here,” todoroki’s calm voice cuts through the suffocating song of death, dragging you back to reality while the effects of your quirk drift away. his fingers, although contrasting temperatures, now cup your cheeks to tilt your face towards him so that your eyes lock with his under the crescent moon. “you didn’t kill him. that wasn’t you. it wasn’t your fault.”

you blink away more tears like a helpless child, chest heaving but todoroki doesn’t give up. “but—“

“no.” your boyfriend says softly, yet sternly, leaning down to place an eskimo kiss to your nose. your eyes flutter shut at his simple gesture, although it raises saftey and warmth across your body— black radiates behind your closed eyelids, no longer plagued broken bones and blood. it’s easy to keep breathing from there, focusing on that as todoroki pulls you into his lap and the sheets fall away from your body.

“no,” you repeat back to him while shoto’s arms settle on your waist and his familiar scent of fresh peppermint fills your senses. “not my fault.”

it wasn’t your fault, that day the car had come speeding down a usually safe road in a residential area. the accident was a hit and run, but being a child made you feel every ounce of the blame. shaking the thought away you curl into your lover’s chest, listening for sounds of his heartbeat while he toys with a lose string on his sweater— the one you wear.

“that’s right, good girl...not your fault, here with me yet, love?”

when you glance up, todoroki is looking right back down at you— brows creased with worry but there’s love in his stare, overwhelming amounts that make you hum into his bare chest, grounded by the feeling of his skin against yours. “present and accounted for,” his chest rumbles with relieved laughter, soothing you even more. “thank you, sho. i’m sorry for making you do this so late at night.”

this time, shoto shakes his head— sending locks of red and white flying. “don’t thank me and don’t apologise,” his words are feather light in the dark while he manoeuvres you both onto his back to settle into bed. you’re about to mention that he’s still half in his suit, but your boyfriend doesn’t seem to care, already closing his eyes. “i’m yours, your boyfriend and i’m going to support you no matter what. i’ve got you, okay? you’re always here for me so i’ll do my best to do the same for you. what kind of man would i be if i wasn’t?”

“a very unmanly man,” you tease with a kitten like yawn, already feeling the confines of a more comfortable sleep, taking over.

todoroki rolls his eyes but pulls you closer to him anyways. “you’ve been spending too much time with kirishima.”

“at least i don’t spend everyday working with bakugou, now that’s true nightmare.” you counter, narrowly missing a pinch to the side from your boyfriend.

the pair of you sleep soundly that night, wrapped in each other’s arms. you feel safe, knowing that nothing could ever harm you, as long as you were with him. shoto todoroki would give anything for to you to have a goodnight’s rest. no matter what. even if it meant staying awake with you and being late to patrol with endeavour the next day.

not like he cared, he hated his dad anyway.

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taminoamirfouad · 2 years ago

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newsletter: 6/22/22

“Dear reader, Thank you so much for the many heartwarming words on the ‘Fascination’ video. We had the most fun making this one as I’m sure you might have noticed in the result. I thought it would be cool to share some words of director Bastiaan Lochs with you: Bastiaan Lochs: “‘Fascination’ always sounded to me like a roadtrip on hot tarmac flirting with psychedelics. From the very start we knew this would become a car movie. If you listen closely to the intro it even sounds like there’s a car hitting the brakes.

The song is also a love song though so for the longest time we were writing scripts with two main characters. The boy and the girl. We wrote maybe 5 different scenarios until we hit upon one that felt like it ticked all the boxes. It would have been a film with a dancer in a car and an entire ballet group involved. We prepared the whole shoot, were basically ready to shoot, all we needed were a couple of final locations. I remember I was at an abandoned coal mine while it was storming, scouting for the perfect lake, when I got a phone call from Tamino and we started second guessing the script. After maybe thirty minutes we decided to pull the plug, cancel the entire production, and start over anew. That sounds easier than it is. A month of sleepless nights and no social life thrown away. Even though our deadline was in ten days and we were supposed to film in five, it felt like the better idea. But back on the road towards Tamino’s house, where we would be having a crisis meeting, I couldn’t help but start brainstorming again already. On auto pilot. As a kid I used to watch a lot of music documentaries with my dad. We both are avid music fans. The documentary on The Doors was one of my favourites. The iconic images of Jim Morrison driving a car through the desert while losing grip on reality (taken from the mythical film ‘HWY: An American Pastoral’) are especially haunting. I had these in my head as a source of inspiration from the very start of the project but somehow I had never shown them to Tamino, Adrien (creative director), or Jonathan (co-director). When we played a youtube excerpt from the documentary to the song, it felt like the two matched each other so impossibly well that we couldn’t help but laugh the whole way through. We were so mesmerized by it that we wanted to make an ode to the documentary and the original Jim Morrison film. There were techniques in the documentary footage that you “can’t” use these days anymore because it looks wrong, like slowing down real time footage until it starts chopping and cross fading really slowly in and out of shots, but these ended up being the stylistic choices that excited me and our DOP Sander Vandenbroucke the most. So we decided to really shoot it raw and edit it like a documentary film in post. So the very next day we started looking for the right car and the closest desert we could find. And we rode there as soon as we could. The car was an absolute gem. A Dodge Charger RT 440 Magnum Tripleblack from 1968. The classic vibe of the images we were inspired by was also heavily infused by the use of 16mm pelicule. But there’s a shortage in Europe everywhere on 16mm film because of the high demand and supply chain issues. We ended up finding some of the last film rolls in Europe in Paris on our way to our shooting location. I think it’s one of the most romantic things we ever did in a pre-production, drive through the city center of Paris to pick up our film. And drop it off a week later for development when we were done. The whole experience became such a trip. Filmmaking can normally be a very stressful endeavour for musicians. We wanted to let go this time and just have fun while shooting this music video. I must say driving around in one of the most badass cars to be found in Western Europe really helped. We went urban exploring. Jumping from waterfalls. Drifting while listening to Nirvana in the desert. you can really see that the fun translated to the screen. This feels like one of the more “real” films I ever made. For once we get a glimpse at the other side of Tamino also. A side that only friends and family get to see often: he’s actually not always that gloomy. He’s one of the funniest people I know. I love the fact that this video might mess with the idea the outside world has of him. Replace the melancholy with rock and roll and humor. The final shot, where he sits on a rock looking into the camera, almost as if he’s being shot for a swimwear fashion shoot, is my favourite shot of the film. Every time I see it I start laughing again. I can’t imagine an image that would feel more like a wink to the audience.””

#sahar #fascination #video: fascination #promo: sahar #promo: 2022 #2022

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aquilaofarkham · 4 years ago

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title: mishpachah rating: T+ word count: 3,085 summary: Five years after rebuilding the manor—and the birth of a new Belmont into the world—Trevor decides to share an old recipe with his newfound family.

For @fibulaa 💛 Thanks so much for commissioning me!

READ HERE

The first bread Trevor Belmont ate while living his newly orphaned vagabond life was so dry it cut at the inner walls of his throat. He swallowed each bite with grimace after grimace, knowing that despite the pain, the already hardened child of thirteen could stave off starvation for a little while longer. Until he tasted the faintest tinge of copper on his ruined tongue.

Putting those years far behind, he now stands in front of a wooden counter, blurry eyed and with a yawn reminiscent of a sun drunk cat. It seems clean at first glance but in every corner Trevor notices fragments of past meals which he tried wiping away once they were finished and placed on a more pristine table meant for family. Bits of salt, half minced vegetables, and crumbs of bread much softer than the ones belonging to a later childhood he would rather forget. This kitchen, warm in its early morning sunlight, was the final instalment of the manor, newly risen from the ashes. Or rather, simply rebuilt thanks to the calloused, blistered, and splintered hands. No more ruined stone, no more fire blackened beams holding together little less than an architectural skeleton. The somewhat mirror image of Trevor’s lost home has been faring better than the castle. Too many memories, fresh, ranging from bitter to incomprehensible.

Slowly, he grows conscious of his surroundings and his own self. A continuing habit of being the first to wake not just in this manor hold but in life. Reluctantly opening his eyes prior to dawn covering the landscape while still traveling alone only to drag a pair of worn boots back along a similar muddy road. Trevor never wanted to wake up before the sun. He just couldn’t bear to stay in the same place for much longer whether due to the laundry list of dangers or more often than not, his newfound hatred of whichever backwater hamlet he unfortunately found himself in.

He’s happy to wake up early. Happy to never feel a need to leave or escape, happy to know that lack of food replaced with pints of liquid pleasure mixed with death will never plague him again. Happy to prepare breakfast in a hot iron pot over a well stoked fire. What he thought he lost forever has come back, along with new additions to the family he’s carved out.

Another presence bounds her way into the kitchen and ambushes Trevor from behind. He’s not old—not yet, he’ll give it time—but years of drinking have made their permanent stay, dulling the more acute senses. Makes it easier for a five-year-old to catch him off guard. Trevor’s eyes bolt open as tiny arms hold him in a tight cage.

“Good morning, papa!”

His ears ring at the sound of Mirele’s loud voice, but at least he won’t have to worry about nodding off. He stares down at the youngest Belmont who looks as though someone had split Trevor and Sypha straight down their centres into four pieces and sewed each differing half onto the other in order to create a new person. A homunculi of messy dark chocolate hair, bright eyes shining with blue ice, full rosy cheeks somehow conspicuously smeared with some sort of dirt or jam, and enough energy to wear out an electric powered jackrabbit.

“How’s my little monster doing this morning?” Everything Trevor says is laced with his own personal touch of affection and Mirele loves it.

“Mama and papa are still asleep. Help me wake them up! Pleaseeee?”

This doesn’t surprise him; Sypha has always preferred to savour her last moments of sleep longer than normal and Alucard is… well, Alucard.

“Tell you what.” Trevor places a lid onto the simmering pot with a heavy clank. “While this heats up for our breakfast, we’ll go wake up those lazy bones.”

“Right!” Hand in smaller hand, the two make their way upstairs into the shadowy master bedchamber. Curtains drawn with only a sliver of light cutting its singular path across the floor and over two distinct lumps covered by blankets and furs. They seem conjoined, linked in each other’s arms, unaware that a third party has been missing for long enough. Mirele plunges into the room first, jumping onto the bed as all children do when parents refuse to join the land of the conscious. She playfully shoves and cuddles her way between the two bodies who sink deeper beneath the covers, lazily moaning like ghosts.

“Mama! Papa! Wake up! It’s time to get up!”

Trevor hopes that his tactic of throwing open the weighted curtains works in a more effective manner. Listening to the rising chorus of wordless protests coming from behind, he’s pleased with the results. “Never thought I would be the one setting a good example for our daughter.”

“Do not get cheeky, especially this early.” Sypha’s response spills out like running water. It’s clear her mind isn’t quite all there yet. But she can scoop Mirele into her arms, find every ticklish spot, and illicit giggles that only canines might hear. “At least we both know how to have fun, right my sweet?”

“Vampires… nocturnal…” A deeper, muffled voice emerges from under one of the pillows.

“Something you’d like to share with us, Alucard?” Trevor quips, amused at how the other father of the household can never seem to shake off his morning dishevelment. Perhaps sleeping in a coffin would help—a very large one so he doesn’t have to be alone. Alucard reluctantly removes the pillow as tangled heaps of gold fall over his face.

“Vampires are supposed to be nocturnal. Would you rather I burst into ashes upon contact with the sun? Think of our girls, Trevor.”

“We’ve all seen you in the sun before, it’s about as dangerous as a clove of garlic.”

“I have my own means of physical protection. Far beyond your measly human comprehension, love.”

“Personally, I’ve been able to comprehend you plenty.”

Mirele stares up at Sypha, her bushy brows furrowed. “What does… comp… sshhheshion mean?”

“It’s just another word your fathers use whenever either of them want to feel smart.”

Alucard gives Sypha a gentle pinch on either side of her abdomen. “I thought you were on my side.”

“What about my side?” Trevor asks, excelling at the greatest strength he possesses—the ability to never take anything seriously, only when he must.

“I’m hungry,” Mirele speaks up. “Hungry and bored. Can we eat now?”

This life is not normal, but then again it is. It always has been for them. Normal once meant coming together because of violence, encroaching darkness, and some flimsy prophecy stringing them along one dead body at a time. A prophecy which never said what had to be done after they followed it to the hard earned letter. Perhaps that’s why Trevor, Sypha, and Alucard floundered afterwards. No instruction on how to live their upturned lives.

Fuck prophecy.

They made this life by their own standards and in accordance with their own desires. They loved how they wanted to love and no prophecy could have foreseen Mirele. How she calls for her father while both Trevor and Alucard turn their heads at the same exact second. How she quickly calms herself when presented with a bowl of warm oatmeal drowning in honey and wild fruits hand plucked from the surrounding forest. But it’s not enough. Nothing ever is for someone always growing, always wanting more from life at such a young age.

“Can I have bread?”

Trevor, half way through his bitter coffee, turns to Sypha then Alucard as all three parental figures exchange glances. They haven’t the heart to tell Mirele. No bread at the ready, only the necessary ingredients and a considerable amount of flour bags to blanket Enisala. There’s the option of making it themselves, yet it depends on a certain someone’s capacity for patience.

“How do you feel about baking our own?” Trevor’s voice wavers, which he tries to mask with his characteristic dry tone. It’s been a long time since he’s made bread. Then again, helping the manor cooks was a somewhat selfish endeavour as it meant extra servings for the baby of the Belmonts. Yet his proposal goes over well with Mirele, whose inherited eyes light up at the prospect of trying something new.

“I wanna make bread! Can we? Can we please?”

“When was the last time you baked anything, Trevor?” Alucard asks, genuinely curious and with a healthy dose of skepticism. “You still won’t tell us much about anything concerning your former life, let alone the sort of foods your family ate.”

Trevor feels a twinge in his gut—still better than a punch. His two lovers, even his daughter, they only know of his mother; a matriarch in her own right. They know her name, the monsters she killed, and not much else. Trevor’s excuses: he doesn’t remember anything about her, despite the fact that he does. He didn’t know her for very long or very well, so there’s no point in missing her. Trevor did know Sonia and he does miss her, sometimes more than he can handle. Then the easiest excuse: it’s just another self-preservation tactic.

Out of this inner reflection comes an idea. It breaks tradition in a way. For the Belmonts and other Jewish families, everything is passed down through the mother—recipes, forms of worship, blood memories, centuries old tactics of bruising one’s knuckles and temples. Trevor doesn’t think this slight deviation from his culture’s norm will make him any less of what he’s always been. Mirele will simply have to pick up where he left off when she’s grown.

He doesn’t want to think about that now. She’s only five after all. One lesson at a time.

“Alright. Gather round, pupils. The bread we’re making isn’t just any bread. Forget everything you know and everything you’ve been taught because this will be the closest thing to heaven you’ll ever taste.”

“How dramatic…” Sypha mutters under her breath. Alucard joins her amusement with a subdued chuckle.

“I believe you were partially his influence.”

Trevor knows how much trouble he’ll be in if he puts Mirele through the most agonizing cruelty of waiting a second longer than necessary. Fearful of her pint-sized wrath, he gives everyone the order to start gathering ingredients: flour, eggs, honey, and some indulgent herbs to make this particular bread something special. As much of a strategic leader in the kitchen as he is when the world is coming to an end. With everything spread out on the countertops, Trevor guides his family step by step through the only recipe he remembers. He calls this bread “challah”, which Mirele immediately strains her freshly green vocal chords, trying to pronounce the word exactly as her father does. She quickly gives up and focuses on mixing the ingredients with an intense look—almost to a fault as bits of sloppy dough fly out of the bowl. Good. This enthusiasm is what Trevor wants to see.

Kneaded and allowed time to rise, the next step is the most important. Trevor divides the dough into four halves, then again, and again until each participant has their own handful of raw unbaked strips.

“We have to braid them?” Mirele asks following his explanation.

“That’s right. It’s what makes this bread different from all the rest.”

“Just like when papa let’s me braid his pretty hair!”

Every pair of eyes turns to Alucard, whose smile widens in that way which causes his eyes to shut tightly. Fangs happily bared as he pulls Mirele into his flour and dough covered arms while she giggles in delight. After they all return to work, her loaf turns out the same way as the braids she gives to him—lopsided, uneven, lacking a few outsticking stray hairs, but filled with affection and genuine resolve.

Three loaves are placed into the oven, including a fourth crudely constructed but still adequately done piece. Mirele is now more willing to play the waiting game—so she claims. Sitting in front of the oven while staring directly into its insides, utterly fascinated, oblivious to her surroundings. Unaware that her three parents are whispering behind her back. Eventually, Sypha has to gently pull her away with her bottom dragging along the kitchen floor.

“How about you and I do something a little more interesting while your fathers keep watch over things.”

“But what about the c… the calla!”

“Don’t worry, they will look after it. And we are not going far, my sweet.”

“We’ll make sure nothing burns down.” Trevor assures, despite it being Sypha who usually revels in cinders and ashes, intentionally or not.

The two retreat down the corridor past diamond shaped stained windows and into one of the manor’s smaller libraries where the cabinets reach the high ceiling painted in deep blue hues. Scattered from corner to corner are constellations of stars and midnight clouds obscuring each phase of the moon. Once when Alucard found Mirele curiously asleep atop a number of pillows when she should have been in her own bed, it was his decision to paint the library in new colours. Sypha moves aside an entire shelf of thick volumes as though trying to find a carefully hidden switch that will lead them into a secret chamber. It’s what Mirele hopes but turns mildly disappointed when the books do not in fact magically shift to reveal a stone passageway. Her soured anticipation is only countered when Sypha places a box on the desk.

“Can you guess what’s inside?”

“Is it treasure?”

“Close! You are almost right.” Sypha opens the lid just as Pandora did except there are no horrors, no evils to be wrought upon humanity. Mirele peeks inside and her eyes shine with the glistening silver of trinkets, pendants, and talismans. She resists the innate urge to reach her hands, still white with flour, into the box only to briefly experience the sensation of holding one between her fingers. Even children know when something is sacred.

“These belonged to your grandparents. They used them for protection and strength. A long time ago, before you were born, their home burned down and everything was destroyed.”

“Papa’s home?”

Sypha nods, grateful that this story now has its happy ending, slight as it may be. “However, when your other father started building the manor we live in, he found this box trapped amongst all the rubble. It managed to survive.”

“What do they say?”

Mirele points to one pendant molded in the shape of a sword. Inscribed along the curve of its ash-riddled blade are the Hebrew names of angels which must have been muttered by Sonia or Gabriel. The longer Mirele stares, attempting to decipher yet another new language, the brighter her cheeks grow red with frustration. Her mother acts quick just as her eyes begin to water.

“It’s alright if you don’t understand what any of them say.”

“I can learn! Please, mama? I promise I’ll study really hard!”

Sypha’s lips curl as Mirele continues her begging. Oh the mind of a child. How quickly it changes.

The kitchen feels hotter, wafting through the air. Enveloping the room and everything caught between its walls. Trevor stands by the oven, a thick cloth ready in his hand. It shouldn’t take much longer. At least there’s no stench of something burning. Almost makes him pine for the days of his family’s massive stone oven and how he would sneak around at night and pick out leftover morsels from inside like an insatiable mouse. Not unlike the actual beasts which he hunted throughout the hallways before moving onto larger prey typical of a Belmonts’ work—or as large as his own runtish body mass could handle.

Minutes of quiet pass, still eyeing the loaves with a keen gaze. Trevor’s concentration soon broken by the feeling of two arms wrapping around his softening yet still robust midsection. Slow and careful, until his back is pressed against an equally broad chest.

“Can I help you?” He asks as Alucard buries his face into the curvature of his shoulder blades.

“You’re already helping.” The dhampir, unchanging in his physical appearance (a revelation both Trevor and Sypha refuse to acknowledge for the time being), tightens his embrace.

“Something wrong?”

“No… I just enjoy feeling how much softer and warmer you’ve become.”

Trevor’s cheeks blush ever so pinker and not because of the oven’s heat. By now he should be used to Alucard’s sudden bouts of outward affection.

“You even smell better.”

There it is. Trevor thought he would be waiting forever to hear that little jab, though said with nothing but a good heart.

“That might be the herbs you’re smelling.”

Alucard shifts around so that the two of them are side by side, cheek to cheek, as he chuckles in Trevor’s ear. “Come here.”

He doesn’t offer a kiss, not where Trevor was expecting. Instead of his lips, Alucard singles out every patch of stray flour on his face, kissing, wiping, even licking them clean. Cheek, jawline, and nose. Trevor’s expression twists into a ticklish, surprisingly delighted facade.

“You’re a half vampire, not a cat.”

“Better to clean you now than later.”

“Always so fucking odd…”

“You love it.”

Much to his lucky stars, Trevor manages one curse mere seconds before Sypha and Mirele return. They let their daughter speak at a breakneck speed neither one can fully comprehend—something about silver pieces and whether they can teach her a new language—until one series of questions finally sticks.

“Is the bread ready yet? Can we eat it now? Can we please?”

Trevor placates Mirele by revealing the fruits of their joint hard earned labour: four freshly baked and perfectly shined challah loaves each representative of whoever did the braiding. She bounces in her chair before simmering down to an excited tremble once Trevor warns her of how they need to cool. In order to make this more of a meal, he rummages about in search of two other beacons from his childhood. He’s rewarded with one of the few fresh apples they have left while Sypha, ever in tune with his inner thoughts, grabs another small pot of honey for him.

Trevor thanks her by gently running his palm across her lower abdomen, over the growing bump. He keeps it there for just a second longer, a subtle gesture of love noticed by Sypha. Fingertips intertwined with each other, they join Alucard and Mirele at the table as the midday sun shines golden through the windows.

#castlevania #castlevania fanfiction #trevor belmont #alucard #alucard castlevania #sypha belnades #trephacard #my writing #*cvfic #jewish trevor

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kopikokun · 4 years ago

Text

Beach Day Blues༄ l.dh

↳ Out on a day trip to the beach with your boyfriend and his friends, you’re anticipating a fun time filled with sunny memories and sand filled swimsuits. What you’re not expecting is the cold shoulder from your usually happy-go-lucky boyfriend, but you’re going to get to the root of this issue, even if it’ll kill you.

pairing: lee donghyuck x reader ft. yuta, mark & jaehyun

content: fluff, beach day, reverse comfort fic, jealousy fic, very mildly suggestive ending

word count: 2053 words

Request 36: Haechan + “I need a hug.” (42) + “You’re cute when you’re angry.” (47) + “You own my heart.” (59) + Jealousy

← BACK TO NAVI.

— 𝐫𝐞𝐪𝐮𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐬 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐜𝐥𝐨𝐬𝐞𝐝.

Perhaps you’re being delusional. Perhaps you’re just dehydrated or, maybe, you rationalise, the scalding rays of the evening Sun have burned not only your skin but your brain cells too (if there were any to begin with). Maybe all of this is just in your head and you’re overthinking it.

“Hey,” someone hisses, “is it just me or is Donghyuck giving you the cold shoulder?”

At the question, or rather observation, your head swivels an almost sharp 90 degrees to stare Yuta straight in the eyes. “So, it wasn’t just me thinking that!”

Yuta chuckles. “Yeah, he definitely seems off…” He peers at Donghyuck discreetly from beneath his sunglasses before turning back towards you. “Did you guys get into a fight or something?”

“A fight? No way!” You pause, suddenly doubting yourself. “At least, I don’t think so…”

Though you’re confident in your verdict of innocence regarding a fight, Yuta’s question prompts you to briefly run through the events of the day. To preface things, you, your boyfriend, Donghyuck, and a few of your friends—namely, Yuta, Jaehyun and Mark—had decided around half a month ago to clear up one day in advance for a ‘beach day’ this week. The idea had sprung after someone had brought up how nice and sunny the weather had been lately, and everyone just unanimously came to the conclusion that sunny weather equals beach day.

You had begun packing for this trip a few days ahead to the surprise of everyone including yourself, which is a testament to your overwhelming excitement, because you rarely--if ever--pack that early for just a single day trip. But who can blame you? This would be your first official trip with Donghyuck. No, you should rephrase that. This would be your first official trip with Donghyuck as your boyfriend. You’ve been on plenty of trips before when you two were just ‘friends’, but now--and maybe this is the romanticist in you which you’ve successfully kept stored away up until recently speaking--it just feels different. You’re sure someone out there can relate, because you’ve never been one to obsess over something as feeble as a label, yet this trip has had your stomach in knots for ages.

The packing process had gone smoothly--neither you nor Donghyuck had forgotten anything--and so had the car ride over. As far as you can recall, your day at the beach so far has gone without a hitch too. You’d had a little picnic, dipped in the oddly warm sea, played some beach volleyball (badly) and gotten some icecream afterward. No fights, no issues, no nothing.

Maybe, you think, he found out I was involved in that little switch up with the sea water. You don’t entertain the idea for too long though immediately casting it away, because you know Donghyuck would never be the type to get so upset over a prank.

So, why the attitude?

You gaze at Donghyuck’s back, hoping that this mystery might just unravel itself if you stare long enough.

“Huh…” Yuta’s voice tears you from your zealous staring competition with Donghyuck’s shoulders. “Then I wonder what’s up…”

You sigh. You know you should confront him and have a mature conversation about what’s bothering him, but that’s so much easier said than done. Maybe this is God’s way of punishing you for ridiculing all those scenes in cheesy teen flicks where the couple would experience a major fall-out because of poor communication. During said scenes, you’d be pulling your hair out, internally screaming at the couple to just freaking talk already, yet now that you’ve been presented this obstacle for you to overcome yourself, you’re erring on the side of caution.

Come on, you reason, I’ve been friends with Donghyuck for over half-a-decade and we’ve gotten into our fair share of arguments during those five years. What’s so different about now?

Yeah, you’re right. You find yourself agreeing with your own thoughts, physically nodding along like you’re speaking to someone. Yuta raises a concerned eyebrow at you. Nothing’s different compared to then. You’re doing it again. He’s just my boyfriend, and that’s just a label. Stop. Obsessing. Over. Labels.

Admittedly, it’s a bit embarrassing having to psyche yourself up to do this, but that’s not what’s important right now. What’s important is that little pep-talk, no matter how laughable it sounded, has gotten you to stand and saunter to Donghyuck with utmost confidence. In hindsight, you should’ve said something to Yuta beforehand instead of just springing from your seat and marching away. The thought hadn’t crossed your mind though, as it was obviously preoccupied with something arguably much more important than giving him the luxury of context.

You decide not to be too transparent about your feelings at first as you take a seat beside Donghyuck on the sand, leaning your head on his shoulder, hoping that all of this was really just your imagination getting the best of you. You silently plead that he’ll perhaps treat you like he normally would, giving you a little peck on the cheek or at least wrapping his arm around your waist. Unfortunately, your hopes are smothered just as quickly as they arise because Donghyuck doesn’t even bat an eye at you, continuing to chat with Jaehyun and flat-out ignoring your presence. Still optimistic for a reaction, you leave a chaste kiss to his bare shoulder, just to let him know that “Hey, I’m here!”, but to no avail. Infuriatingly, he doesn’t even flinch. All he does is drone on to Jaehyun about something you couldn’t care less about.

You huff. Audibly. A last ditch effort in vying for Donghyuck’s attention. It goes just as well as your previous attempts. You cross your arms, glaring at the side of Donghyuck’s stubborn little head, hoping to bore a deep hole through his brain. Maybe then he’ll finally take notice of you. Sensing the undeniable tensity in the air, Jaehyun clears his throat awkwardly, offering Donghyuck some lame excuse about needing to take a piss, before shuffling away. Well, at least someone knows how to take a hint.

With Jaehyun’s departure, you’re left alone with Donghyuck. Usually, he’d be leaping to drown you in affection the second you two had privacy--or even if you two didn’t, to be frank--but all he does now is fiddle with the strings of his swimming shorts absentmindedly.

“What’s wrong, Hyuck?” you finally ask, desperate to break this frustratingly suffocating silence. “Is something wrong?”

Finally, after what seems like centuries, Donghyuck acknowledges your existence, though the look he gives you is not a pleasant one. In fact, it’s one of agitation. His tongue prods at his inner cheek before he says, tone bitter, “I don’t know. Why don’t you tell me?”

Evidently taken aback, you crease your eyebrows at him. “I… Did I do something wrong, babe?”

“Oh, come on,” he scoffs, scornful amusement overtaking his normally amiable features. “Don’t pretend like you don’t know. You can just come out and say it.”

“Say what, Hyuck?”

“How much more you’re into Mark than into me,” Donghyuck says like it’s the most obvious thing in the world.

You can’t help but laugh, simply bewildered as to how on Earth he came to this conclusion. “I’m into who now?”

“Mark,” Donghyuck rolls his eyes, “don’t have to pretend like you’re surprised.”

“I’m not into--” you sigh, a smile of disbelief tugging at your lips. “Okay, tell me why you think I’m into Mark.”

“I don’t think. I know,” Donghyuck argues and you scoff, “but it’s obvious. And I have proof. Take when we were playing volleyball for instance. The whole time, you kept eyeing Mark up and laughing at his jokes. All of them. Even the weird ones that nobody gets.”

You snort. “Baby… I wasn’t ‘eyeing Mark up’, I was watching him just in case he missed the ball. And about the joke thing, to his credit, some of them were actually pretty funny! But, as for the the rest--and don’t tell Mark I said this--I felt kinda bad nobody else laughed at them, so I just laughed along with him. Trust me, I’ve been in his shoes before and it sucks. Not all of us are born as naturally as funny as you, Hyuck.” You’re a little remorseful that you’re essentially dissing Mark, but you’re sure he’d understand. Your relationship’s on the line here.

Donghyuck harrumphs, but you can tell by the slight quirk of his lip that he’s a little tickled by you poking fun at Mark and he’s totally been swayed by your compliment.

“Okay, fine that explains that, but how about when we went swimming just now? Why did you and Mark keep exchanging funny looks?”

“That?” You giggle. “You know how your drink was mysteriously replaced by seawater?”

“Yeah,” he trails off, his suspicion growing by the second.

“Who do you think that was?”

Donghyuck groans. “Wait, that was you? Seriously? That was mean, babe.”

“Aww, I know, Hyuck. I’m sorry,” you coo. Your hand inches its way closer to his as you attempt to intertwine your fingers together.

Donghyuck rejects your endeavour of fondness. “Nu-uh, no way. I’m not done with you yet.”

“Oh my God, Hyuck, there’s more?” you complain, though there’s a tint of amusement in your voice.

“Yes, there’s more, and you won’t be able to worm your way out of this one either,” he says smugly, as if it’d be a good thing if you in fact, couldn’t worm your way out of his next accusation. “How about when we went to get ice cream and you kept sliding up next to him?”

You pout. “I just wanted to try the watermelon popsicle he got.”

Donghyuck blinks at you, his once irritated expression dissolving. He seems dumbfounded as you hold his gaze, your mirthful smile never faltering. He turns away from you. “Oh, well… then whatever. I guess you aren’t into Mark.”

“Hyuck,” you say, hand crawling up his arm, “were you jealous?”

“Well, yeah, obviously,” he deadpans, still refusing to meet your gaze.

You giggle. “You’re cute when you’re angry.”

His cold facade is immediately abandoned at your teasing intonation, and just like that, your cheery Hyuck is back. “Baby,” he whines, readjusting himself so he’s facing you head-on, “don’t tease me. I couldn’t help but be jealous, you know?”

“And why is that?”

Donghyuck purses his lips. “Why? What do you mean why?” He gestures up and down, eyes sweeping over you. “Look how pretty you are! What am I supposed to do when you look this good all the time? It’s unfair, really, that you’re this pretty.”

A blistering heat, one that is much hotter than the Sun, gathers in your cheeks. “Oh really now, Hyuck?”

“Yes, really,” he says, genuity seeping into his every word. “Literally, everyday I’m surprised you’re even real.” You grin bashfully and Donghyuck pounds his fist to his chest dramatically like he’s been shot. “See! You’re only smiling and I’m already having heart palpitations at just twenty years old.”

“Okay, okay, Hyuck. You can stop hyping me up now,” you chuckle. You’re beyond glad that your boyfriend has returned to his spirited self, but you know you should address what just happened seriously, just in case. “But hey, I’m sorry that I made you feel that way. Looking back, it definitely could’ve been misinterpreted as flirting and I would never want you to have any reason to feel insecure about our relationship because you own my heart, Hyuck.”

“Aw, babe, you can be really cheesy when you want to be,” says Donghyuck, pinching your cheeks. He plays what you said off casually, but you know that deep down, it resonates with him, and he honestly appreciates your sincerity. “Come here, I need a hug.”

“Right now? There are people around, Hyuck.”

“But you look so good right now. I can’t resist.”

“I don’t know, Hyuck…” You smile demurely.

“Alright, then what about,” Donghyuck reaches to tuck your hair behind your ear, whispering, “we ditch the beach day and go cuddle in the car? My skin’s burning, anyway.”

You grin. “They’re gonna notice that we went missing, you know?”

“So?” Donghyuck challenges, leaning in to place a short but telling kiss on the juncture which connects your ear and your jaw. “Even better. I want them to know.”

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mycrofts-gunbrella · 4 years ago

Text

Remus Lupin x Reader Smut- Full Moon Aftercare

Gif not mine :)

Waking up with the sheets cold beside you had become an occurrance you were used to every month since your secret relationship with your Dark Arts Professor had started. You use the term 'secret' loosely however as your dorm friends all knew what was going on and you were 99% sure all of the staff faculty were aware and just hiding it from the ministry but still, the idea of a forbidden relationship only made it that much more exciting. You'd fallen for him the second he walked through those classroom doors in his cardigan you now steal at every opportunity possible and finding out during you final year at Hogwarts that your feelings were reciprocated was one of the best days of your life. Being 18 your choice in boyfriend was technically legal but whilst you were still a student and on Hogwarts grounds you could never be truly 'official', else the ministry would take Remus' job in a heartbeat- of course it wasn't ideal but for now the both of you were happy to settle with stolen hidden kisses and sneaking to Lupin's dorm of an evening without getting caught out by some worms like Malfoy and his goons.

You rolled over to his side of the bed and laid your face into his pillow, breathing in the scent you missed the night before. Looking out the window you could see it was still the early hours of the morning and knew it wouldn't be long until a blanket clad man was going to walk through the door. Full moons were a tough time for the both of you- albeit Remus clearly suffered a lot more- with your boyfriend returning back from a hard night each time and you patching up any wounds that he obtained on his travels with a bar of his favourite chocolate resting on the bedside counter. This month's was no different as you got up and gathered the first aid kit Remus left at the top of his wardrobe and a pair of his comfiest pyjamas and waited on the end of the bed for him to come through the door.

Barely 10 minutes had passed and you heard the shuffling of your boyfriend's heavy footsteps coming down the hall; you stood to meet him at the door.

"Hey" You smiled sadly as Remus all but limped through the door. He gave you a weak smile in return and softly kissed your cheek before practically collapsing on the bed behind you. "Rough night?" You joked with a side smile as you sat beside him with his pyjamas in hand. You'd almost asked him once why he only hid a blanket out in the forest rather than a spare set of clothes but after seeing him struggle even wrapping the threaded material round his bare frame by himself you cut yourself off.

"Darling you have no idea." He winced as he attempted to sit up, fresh cuts and scrapes getting shifted with each movement. You smiled sympathetically at him as you helped him get into his pyjama bottoms (secret Lupin insight, underwear is a big no after a change, the waistband is far too tight around his aching bones) and passed him a square of the dark chocolate that he'd been eyeing up since he saw it on the counter. You noticed the large cut that was going down the underside of his arm and nodded your head towards it, grabbing the first aid kit.

"Okay I'm sorry, this is going to sting quite a bit at first but just remember it'll be worth it in the end; you'll feel a lot better." You apologised, as you used an alcohol soaked cotton pad to clean the wound before bandaging it up. A small, pain-filled laugh sounded beside you and you turned in confusion.

"Sorry.. I know you're trying to help and I love you for it. You just.. reminded me what I said on the first night you stayed here." He chuckled.

"Remus John Lupin amidst your pain from a bloody long night did you really just answer me with a 'that's what he said' line? You're such a child sometimes." You laughed.

"You know you love me for it Y/N."

"Of course I do Professor." You couldn't help it sometimes, honestly you couldn't. In your defence, after having him as a teacher for so long you just became accustomed to calling him professor when talking to him. Sometimes in private you did it on purpose, especially after seeing the reaction it got out of him when you did it accidentally during the first few weeks of your relationship- let's just say you're not allowed to use any such title in class with Remus anymore.. you'd trialled 'sir' for a while but apparently any such term towards him leaving your lips turns him back into a horny teenager. Apparently even in pain it had the same effect."Y/NNNN" He moaned softly, hanging his head down to try and avoid eye contact with you. You followed his gaze and noticed his half-hard bulge poking at the striped trousers.

"Remus I'm so sorry, it was an accident I swear." You apologised profusely. The two of you had learned very early on that Remus' transition come-down effects him sexually too. The two of you usually have to wait at least 3 days before being intimate with each other as the change causes Lupin to be incredibly sensitive and sometimes even in pain until he fully feels like himself again. It becomes difficult after the first day as his libido skyrockets after a full moon event, neither of you were quite sure why. Sometimes Remus would try to push himself too far but with the mixture of his aching body and the oversensitivity he deals with in his trousers the moment ends fairly quickly with a shout of pain. You'd vowed to make it up to him massively each month if he could hold out the three days because you were always worried that you would hurt him if you tried too soon- that's if he doesn't hurt himself first of course- and the promise was "definitely worth the wait" according to your partner.

"Shh it's okay. I just-ah need a minute." He winced again as he shifted his weight to lay against the headboard of the bed. You nodded and laid beside him, resting your head against his shoulder and lightly kissing the base of his jaw in apology. The silences were there but it wasn't awkward as you frequently tried to talk to him to take his mind off his growing erection (clearly his mind was doing the opposite). The minutes ticked by and nothing seemed to help. "I'm sorry Y/N, you're probably exhausted getting up this early to help me out. I won't be offended if you want to go back to your dorm to get a proper sleep, I'm afraid I wouldn't be such a good host wincing like a kicked puppy every time I take a deep breath. Besides, my uh- problem, shall we say, doesn't appear to be getting any better." He spoke, realising his half-hard erection had grown in the last few minutes rather than going away. The last few weeks you'd been spending a lot of your time studying for your final exams so the two of you didn't really have time to have sex as you were constantly busy. It annoyed you, of course it did, but Lupin understood completely knowing how much your studies meant to you. But he'd be lying if he said he didn't pleasure himself each time in the shower fantasising your previous sexual endeavours and now found his mind wandering back to the old memories as he felt his cock twitch.

"I'm not going anywhere unless you really want me to. It's technically my fault you're even more uncomfortable." You shifted from your position to face him a little more. " And don't you ever feel bad about me getting myself up early on these days to make sure you're okay. I'd drive myself mad if I just stayed in my dorm room knowing you'd come back here by yourself. I love you and I want to help you out as much as I can. I knew what I was signing up for in this relationship when it started and I'm not going to back out." You confessed. Remus gave you a soft smile in return and leaned himself to kiss the side of your head, words often failing him when you speak to him like this as he'll never understand how he got so lucky with such an understanding, loving person. He stifled a noise that sounded a mixture of pain and pleasure at the sensation of his trousers rubbing against him. "Can I at least try to help? Please?" You asked, moving to rest your hand on his upper inner thigh. "I'll go slow and if you tell me to stop, I'll stop." From the corner of your eye you could see Lupin stifling a laugh. "Another flashback?" You grinned. "That's not going to help this go anywhere." You teased, gesturing to the tent in his trousers.

"One of the best." He answered with a smile. He was in pain, there was no doubt about that, but he felt guilty accepting your offer, almost like he felt he was using you breaking your 3 day rule. You moved your hand to the waistband of his pyjama bottoms and looked at him for approval.

"It's probably going to hurt at first but just focus on me and I'll try to make this as easy as I can." You whispered. With a soft nod given as consent you softly put your hand in and wrapped your fingers around his throbbing cock, hearing a sharp intake of breath and a quiet wince from the man beside you. With your spare hand you turned his face towards yours, pressing your lips against his as your other hand slowly made a steady rhythm, causing the older man to eventually moan against your mouth. Your movements were slow. Careful. As you twisted your hand as it reached the head, pre-cum dripped down your knuckles as Remus slowly came undone below you.

"I love you Professor." You turned your head to whisper in his ear as you kissed and licked down his jaw and neck. Your voice did things to him that he would never be able to explain. It usually embarrasses you but knowing it was one of Remus' biggest turn ons you decided to treat him on this occasion, willing to do anything to make this easier for him. "I especially love how your big cock fits in my hand so perfectly, like you were made for me." You moaned breathlessly in his ear as you picked up the pace with your hand. You felt Lupin's big hand come round in attempt to lift your shirt but the pain in his arm stopped him. "Calm down Professor. As much as I'd love for you to fill me up right here and now we need to wait, then you can have me any way you want to remember? Use me as your own personal sex doll over and over until you pass out of exhaustion." You bit his earlobe.

"P-Promise?" He managed to breathe out, any pain he was feeling long gone by his new distraction as his eyes rolled into the back of his head.

"I'd want nothing else sir."

"Fuck Y/N." He swore, moving his head into your shoulder and biting the bit of flesh he could reach. You moaned in response and moved your other hand down towards the front of your own trousers, beginning to rub circles on your swollen clit that had been dying for your attention. "Oh you're such.. a naughty girl Y/N." He teased lowly seeing your actions. "MY naughty girl."His deep voiced words caught you off-guard as you squeezed tighter onto his member, flicking your thumb over the top of his sensitive head as you felt him come close to the edge.

You moaned deeply and pushed two fingers inside yourself, matching the pace of your other hand as you turned your head into Remus' and kissed him deeply.

"I'm almost there." Remus breathed between the kiss, fisting his hands into the bedsheet, angry he felt too weak to be able to touch you properly. "Come on darling, cum with me." He encouraged, fighting back his own orgasm as he watched your hand work steadily on yourself through your trousers. He didn't have to tell you twice. With a few more twists of your hands and pumps of your fingers the two of you came undone, moaning each other's names as you reached your high.

"Feeling.. better?" You teased breathlessly as you grabbed one of the spare cleaning cloths and wiped you both down.

"You could say that." He smirked, slowly letting himself sink down the bed until he was laying completely. You joined him and rested your head on his chest, careful to avoid any fresh bruises. His fingers lazily danced against your hip as you yawned beside him. "Thank you." He spoke sincerely, turning his head to kiss the top of your head.

"For accidentally turning you on and tossing you off when you really needed to sleep? You're welcome." You joked, nestling closer.

"No- well yes actually, for that too-" He laughed. "But more-so for being here every time I get back after a full moon like this. It's nice knowing I'm not coming home to an empty bed every time. You make it almost bearable. I really do love you Y/N, more than I could have ever imagined loving anybody."

"I'll always be here for you to get back to Remus, unfortunately for you you're now stuck with me. I love you too. Now let's go to sleep, you need your rest." Lupin opened his mouth to speak but you cut him off, practically reading his mind. "I spoke to the other professors earlier this week and they've agreed that after seeing me practically hanging out my arse every day after a full moon that I could take the day off to be with you, providing I catch up with the work within a week." You spoke.

"You're truly an amazing woman Y/N, I believe I'd be lost without you."

"You haven't heard the best part yet. I even managed to convince Snape to agree to the deal, with the agreement that I would go to his classroom once a fortnight to make the potions with him that I miss and do a timed essay that the rest of the class don't have to do. I'm more than happy with that as it counts towards my potions studying but I didn't let him see that and let him believe it was some kind of small punishment."

"One on one time with Severus in his classroom eh?" Remus began. "Should I be concerned? That is how we started off after all." He joked. You rolled your eyes and shook your head. Whilst Remus sounded as though he was kidding you could always see the underlying insecurities in his eyes, constantly worried you'd leave him for anyone that didn't have his 'condition', constantly thinking you deserved better- even if it was Snape...

"I'd never leave you for anyone Remus, especially never Snape."

"Oh? And why's that."

"He doesn't like chocolate. Immediate red flag." You grinned, slowly rubbing your fingers along the raised scars that patterned your boyfriend's chest. Another thing he was hugely insecure enough. The first few months you were dating you learned he was even trying to use make-up to hide the ones on his face but you managed to convince him that scars made any man sexier, but the ones on his chest and torso were the ones he hated most- hell, the first few times you had sex he kept his shirt on and then when you finally convinced him to take it off you'd have to be in the dark. But doing little things like now, tracing the map of pink and white lines across his body, memorising every inch of him made him feel better. He let out a small laugh and managed to roll over onto his side and take you under his good arm for a hug, appreciating the smell of your shampoo under his nose as he kissed your head. He really did strike it lucky with you and he loved you more than anything in this world but being here and treating him like you do, Remus finally found himself doing something he never thought he could again. He was starting to love himself.

#reader insert #harry potter #harry potter x reader #hp #harry potter imagine #Remus Lupin #Remus Lupin x reader #Remus Lupin x You #Professor Lupin #Professor Remus Lupin #Professor Lupin x You #Professor Lupin x reader #Harry Potter x you

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jawnkeets · 4 years ago

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probably a strange question but: how did you develop your style when it comes to poetry? I really appreciate how you write and how it's vague and specific at the same time? don't know how to express what I mean exactly, but it's like phrases that you feel more than you really understand them sometimes, and that don't look like they should make sense at a glance but when you really read them they do. maybe you'll know what quality I mean 🙈 I feel like I'm way too literal when I write and I want to be a little more abstract in a say less, convey more kind of a way?

hey anon, thank you! not a strange question at all - it’s actually a very good question, and one that i was asking until recently as well (and to be honest am still asking!). i totally know what you mean.

i guess the shortest answer i can give you is that i think ‘poetic feeling’ is best felt full-on, but expressed to the side. it’s also something that genuinely does get easier the more you try to do it, i.e., is a skill that can be sharpened; to start with, everything feels like nonsense, or not quite right, and i felt like a bit of a fake initially, but as i did it more and more i had more and more tiny breakthroughs and gained confidence (which is a genuinely such a large part of any creative endeavour), and this can happen surprisingly fast and snowball; i switched up my style in maybe 1-3 months, just trying a little bit - maybe 15 lines - every couple of days or so. and i didn’t put pressure on myself, deciding if i hated it i’d delete it and reminding myself that no one had to see. i find writing short poems also really helps with practising: they can help you focus more intensely on each choice.

it’s also not a solo thing, or at least doesn’t have to be - i use random word generators, to different degrees depending on the poem, and also it’s surprising how much even just picking words off wikipedia can help, especially with themed poetry. recently i wrote a poem about the medieval period, and threw in words that came to me with terms from wiki pages about the medieval period (history, art, medicine, etc), to make noun phrases like ‘kaleidoscopic altar vision noise’, ‘law texture’, etc etc. the thing that’s helped me most, though, is reading other poems which i think have this quality, which tends especially to be image-heavy poetry: will stone’s translation of trakl completely changed the direction of my poetry, and lorca, rilke and seferis have also been invaluable. i also find authors that do weird things with syntax interesting, like e. e. cummings and j. h. prynne, but don’t go quite as far as them. i have a list of favourite poems which might help, and which i re-read regularly ❤️

something else i enjoy doing is practising reading and misremembering, which sounds like cheating but is actually an excellent way of generating new material. i remember reading (i think it’s this article) alexandra cook’s 'creative memory and visual image in chaucer’s house of fame' and it was a breakthrough for me. from memory (ironic - wish i still had access so i could properly quote from it/check stuff) it talked about how one dimension to medieval creativity was misremembering - that new ideas and originality came from the gap between what the work actually was and how another writer remembered it. trying to deliberately misremember is a lot of fun; a poem is then borne out of an interesting intersection of skill and contingency, which gives it an energy, i think.

on a kind of separate but related note, the classical ars memoriae, or ‘art of memory’, might be quite an interesting thing to play with in relation to writing poetry. what it is, for anyone that’s not familiar with it, is basically the notion that the way to remember things is by having some kind of system in your head - like spatialising the material (so you think about the room you first encountered it in and all the details to help you better remember it), imagining it in a sequence, breaking it up into sets - there are absolutely loads of ways. if this seems weird or alien, we still use mind maps all the time, which is a great example! to deliberately twist, literalise and tbh actually invert the art of memory stuff (i know this is a bit abstract eek), i’ve been thinking recently that it might be fun to distort ideas (themes, an image you like, a line you like) by running them through various ancient memory systems, because i think medieval thought had a point that these systems subtly distort things even as and precisely because their function is get us to remember them accurately (paradoxically, we bend them to our chosen way of thinking/remembering stuff, which alters the material). using ways of memorising we wouldn’t normally use, and forcing them to interact with material much more literally, can yield quite interesting results. in any case, it introduces different ‘head spaces’ which can be quite useful to take in a very loose way when trying to ‘think to the side’: here’s a starting list. to give quite a crude and simplified example, let’s say i’m obsessed with homer’s wine dark sea and want to write something based on it, but also different and original. what if i try to think of ‘wine dark sea’ as sequential (thinking of material in a sequence being one way of remembering things listed on the above wikipedia link)? i’m honestly not sure what that means, and i can’t envision that. it doesn’t even make sense, and is a deliberate perversion of what memorising things in a sequence would actually look like - ‘wine dark sea’ would be one chain in a sequence if the sequence was, e.g., ‘favourite quotes’. ‘wine dark sea’ itself can’t be a sequence; this would turn ‘wine dark sea’ into something logical, mathematical even. but then the phrase ‘mathematical wine dark sea’ is interesting and unexpected. and you can then play with that or variations of it - ‘wine sea: dark, mathematical’ would make a great opening line, and ‘wine sea mathematics’ and ‘wine dark mathematics’ are really interesting phrases (you know actually i quite like this - might go and write a poem about it now... lol).

that last bit is very speculative and i’m kind of thinking out loud, so feel free to ignore haha. i wrote a post on writing poetry a couple of years ago, too, which might have a couple of useful tidbits. i hope some of this is helpful!!

#asks #my guides

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lilydalexf · 4 years ago

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Old School X is a project interviewing X-Files fanfic authors who were posting fic during the original run of the show. New interviews are posted every Tuesday.

Interview with Michelle Kiefer

Michelle has 55 stories at Gossamer. If you haven’t read them, what are you waiting for?! She has great takes on Mulder and Scully. I’ve recced some of my favorites of her fics here before, including Christmas in California, Making Other Plans, and Six Inch Valley. Big thanks to Michelle for doing this interview.

Does it surprise you that people are still interested in reading your X-Files fanfics and others that were posted during the original run of the show (1993-2002)?

I’m not sure anyone is still reading my stories. I haven’t migrated my X-Files ones to AO3. I don’t think Gossamer provides any viewing statistics. I’d be very happy to hear that people still like my work.

What do you think of when you think about your X-Files fandom experience? What did you take away from it?

My X-Files fandom experience was amazing. I remember that sense of excitement and immediacy. It was thrilling to write stories (and read those of other authors, of course) in an active fandom for a show that was on the air. It was truly my first experience in an online world--a parallel world to my real life existence. I learned how to keep a foot in each world. As I recall, it was very hard to keep my focus in my “meat” world, when the online one was so fast moving and thrilling. But I did get some balance in my life as time went on.

Social media didn't really exist during the show's original run. How were you most involved with the X-Files online (atxc, message board, email mailing list, etc.)?

Message boards and mailing lists were my experience. They were primitive compared to the pretty screens now. I forged some amazing friendships, some of them with people I discovered lived relatively near me. All I wanted to do was discuss episodes and fic. The flame wars were a little intimidating, but also amusing if you didn’t get swept up.

What did you take away from your experience with X-Files fic or with the fandom in general?

I was very passionate about the fandom--as I said, there were times when my online life seemed to overpower my real life experiences. I learned to manage that, and think I’m all the better for that. And I found some amazing friendships that are active and thriving today. I learned a lot about writing with XF fanfic. The level of quality was stunning. A decent percentage of fic were as good or better than traditional published fiction. But there were so many writers! I wanted to make an impact on the fanfiction world, but that meant taking my writing very seriously and learning to develop a story, pace that story, make it compelling and believable.

What was it that got you hooked on the X-Files as a show?

I had a couple of coworkers that talked about the show all the time. I was curious, so I watched an episode. I believe it was the cannibal town one. I thought David Duchovny was odd looking and wasn’t terribly impressed. But I tried another episode - Wetwired, which blew me away with the morgue scene when Mulder thinks he’s going to identify Scully’s body. Ah...I thought, now, I see what everyone is talking about! And from then I was hooked.

What got you involved with X-Files fanfic?

As I watched, I wanted more. I was fairly new to the internet (frankly, the internet was new to almost everyone) I found episode reviews, and some of them were fantastic. Some mentioned fanfiction. I was unaware of such a thing, though to be honest, since childhood, I’d been spinning stories in my head about characters on TV shows. I found some fanfic. The first couple of stories were not great (at least one was horrible) but then I found some that were very good. Probably a bit soap-operaish, but still readable. And then I became voracious as I plowed through the mass of stories looking for the good stuff. And boy was there good stuff.

What is your relationship like now to X-Files fandom?

I’m not estranged from it, but I don’t spend much time with it after all these years. I’ve found fanfic in some other shows that I like and only occasionally read old XF stories.

Were you involved with any fandoms after the X-Files? If so, what was it like compared to X-Files?

I’ve not been as involved with any other fandoms, i.e. following commentary on the show. I tend to dive into TV shows well after their heyday, so I’m always late to the party. I do read fanfic from other shows, and have actually written fanfic for other shows, but I need a really good idea to write. None of the other fandoms for my other shows are as busy and active as XF, even ones currently in production. And none of them have as much fanfic and certainly not the level of brilliance that we had in XF.

Who are some of your favorite fictional characters? Why?

I tend to go for interesting partnerships, very much in the XF fashion. And a flawed hero is always a plus! The partnerships don’t necessarily have to be romantic---in fact I find I prefer those that are not. Really, Mulder and Scully were the only ones I felt deeply as a pairing, probably due to the chemistry between the actors. But the partnerships have to be well-balanced and realistic. I loved the characters on Sleepy Hollow. The two main characters were very much in the mold of Mulder/Scully.

My newest passion is British detective shows and I’ve completely fallen for the “Morse-verse” shows, Inspector Morse, Inspector Lewis and Endeavour. Less of an XF feel, but compelling characters with interesting backstories. Other favorite partnerships in the British detective genre are on Inspector Lynley and Broadchurch.

Do you ever still watch The X-Files or think about Mulder and Scully?

A bit less now, though I’m still involved with a wonderful group of ladies who love the X-Files. When we get together for a yearly weekend, we binge episodes and eat impressive amounts of junk food. XF isn’t on network TV these days, but if it was, I’d probably watch it.

A couple of years ago, I listened to Kumail Nanjiani’s XF podcast on my long commute. I loved the commentary and interviews so much that I did watch some old episodes.

Do you ever still read X-Files fic? Fic in another fandom?

I don’t read much XF fic. I’m currently reading in some other fandoms, but it’s harder to find good stories--the ones I follow aren’t very active these days and the quality just isn’t what XF was. We were so lucky. We had maybe 20 incredible top authors at any one time, then maybe another tier of 50 to 100 good to maybe great writers. And with new episodes, there was so much inspiration. We were so spoiled.

Do you have any favorite X-Files fanfic stories or authors?

Everything from Syntax6, MaybeAmanda, Kel. A special story for me was “Strangers and the Strange Dead” by Kipler because I remember reading that very early in the morning in my unheated basement in the winter because that was the only time I could use our single computer without others in the family complaining. I remember actually gasping at the big reveal in the story. I can even remember the story’s opening line!

What is your favorite of your own fics, X-Files and/or otherwise?

I was just learning how to write fiction when I was involved in XF, so I’m not sure my best work is there, though the bulk of my stories are there. I liked some of the work I did with others. I wrote Bone of Contention and Out of the Everywhere with Kel and I think that those stories got the best aspects of both of our styles. For stories I wrote myself, I think they’re not bad, but they are rather short and it’s always easier to maintain a theme and style for a short story. I liked Black Cherry Velvet. I’m writing some Inspector Lewis stories that I think are pretty good--they benefit from the years of experience that I was gaining through XF.

Do you think you'll ever write another X-Files story? Or dust off and post an oldie that for whatever reason never made it online?

Never say never, but I probably won’t write more XF. I used to burn with it, but I think that got burned out a bit. Still, I have such wonderful memories of the whole period. It might be worth looking at again.

Do you still write fic now? Or other creative work?

As I mentioned, I am currently playing in the Inspector Lewis world. It’s sad--it’s a very small and not terribly active fandom. Sad that my best work is in an inactive fandom where I’m lucky if 20 or 30 people are reading them. It doesn’t help that I don’t write the most popular pairing.

But I’m really enjoying it. I occasionally write for Man From Uncle, which really shows my age, as that was a childhood obsession.

Where do you get ideas for stories?

With XF, it was always a take on an episode--did I get a tiny idea that I wanted to develop, or was I not thrilled with the way something went on the show. Now, it’s usually a “what if” kind of thing where I get inspired by a possible event and explore how that would play out, i.e. “What if this character had a one night stand resulting in an unplanned pregnancy?” What would happen? How would he handle the consequences of this? How would it change his life?

What's the story behind your pen name?

It’s literally my own name. I SOOOO wish I’d used a pen name. But I was naive and fandom was so new to me that it never occurred to me that a pen name would be better. I always told myself that my real name sounded like something made up, like a TV newscaster name, and I hoped people assumed it was a pen name.

Do your friends and family know about your fic and, if so, what have been their reactions?

My husband and my kids were the only ones who knew about it for many years. Then I went to a fandom/fic gathering for three days and had to explain to a few other family members and my work mates why I was going to Chicago on my own. It’s still mostly a need to know thing and they don’t really need to know.

Is there a place online (tumblr, twitter, AO3, etc.) where people can find you and/or your stories now?

I’m on AO3 as msk. And everything I wrote for XF is on Gossamer.

(Posted by Lilydale on February 2, 2021)

#new post #old school x #xfiles fanfic #xf fanfic #xf fanfic author interviews #michelle kiefer

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trulycevans · 4 years ago

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our perfect little family

Warnings: swearing, a bad pregnancy experience

Summary: anon requested:

“hi!! i absolutely love ur imagines 🥺 i was thinking maybe u could do one where chris’ gf is pregnant and they break up (unrelated to the pregnancy) but chris still is in her life and they get back together after the baby is born 👉👈 just an idea! hope u’re staying safe! <3″

Word Count: 1.7k

Pairing: Chris Evans x Reader

[A/N I’ve never been pregnant so I don’t know much about the ins and outs of it, I’ve tried as much as possible to be accurate but if anything isn’t quite right you know why]

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

You paced the bathroom of yours and Chris’ shared home. Heart in your throat as you watched the timer on your phone. You sat down on the toilet lid, knees bobbing, head in your hands. Never had you expected to feel the amount of dread you did at that moment. While many people in a relationship feel excited about a possible pregnancy, you on the other hand felt a sense of impending doom.

The alarm beeped on your phone causing your breath to hitch in your throat. “Ok [Y/N], you’ve got this. No matter what it says you’ll be okay” You muttered a pep talk to yourself as you twisted to pick up the pregnancy test from the sink. “Fuck,” the two lines on the pregnancy test were bold and dark. There was no denying or doubting whether your child was currently growing inside you.

Your head began to spin. Yours and Chris’ relationship had been rocky for a few months and was hanging on by a thread. Virtually every conversation you would have would be an argument, which lead to Chris sleeping on the sofa and an awkward apology the next morning. However, this was cyclical and happened most nights. You ached for the relationship you once had, one filled with laughter and joy. With stolen kisses and romantic endeavours.

Your hand moved down to your stomach, “Hello baby,” You whispered, your eyes beginning to well with tears. “I’m gonna protect you no matter what-” You were interrupted by the sound of your boyfriend shouting you from downstairs. “Where are you? I’ve been looking for you. I-” He pushed the door of your en suite open, his gaze dropping to the pregnancy test in your grasp and your hand held softly on your belly.

“What’s that?” He asked softly, frozen in his spot in the doorway. You didn’t respond, silently handing him the pregnancy test. His poker face while studying the white stick in front of him made you flood with concern, your hand never leaving your stomach as your knee continued to bob anxiously.

“You’re pregnant?” He finally whispered looking up at you with watery eyes, causing you to nod. He cautiously walked toward you, kneeling next to you on the cold tiles. He delicately lifted his hand so that his fingertips could brush your cheek softly, causing you to look at his face, a small smile etched on his face, as slow tears trickled down his cheeks.

“I know things haven’t been great between us recently...” He hesitated, taking a second to breathe and observe your reaction. “But you don’t know how happy this makes me.” His voice was barely audible.

“We-We’re gonna make this work right Chris?” You questioned, “No matter what happens this baby is always gonna have us right?”

“That’s what you’ve been worrying about?” He asked incredulously, “No matter what I’m gonna be there for our child... Nothing in the world would ever stop me from being the best Dad.” His hand hesitantly drifted to your own that rested upon your belly, as if seeking permission from you, unsure of how you would react.

“That’s our baby in there Chris” You whispered, and he gave your hand a tight squeeze as he interlocked his fingers with yours. A comfortable silence washed over the two of you, and you prayed that this feeling would never end.

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

But of course it did. A baby was never going to fix the problems you and Chris had had. You both quickly realised that the stress of your relationship was not good for you or the baby. So just as you entered the second trimester you and Chris had ended your relationship, a mutual decision that pained the both of you each day.

Chris had moved out of your shared home, not wanting you to have to put too much pressure or stress on yourself by being the person to leave. So as you spent the first night alone in your large Boston home you had cried whilst sitting on the sofa, Dodger curled up on your lap as the sounds of your sobs echoed across the empty halls. Your phone beeped on the coffee table in front of you and you leaned forward to retrieve it and read the message.

chris 🤍: I’m so sorry for everything. I’m so grateful for everything you have, had and will do for me and our child. Sleep well, I’ll see you soon x

Silent tears trickled down your face as your heart shattered even more.

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

The pregnancy passed in a blur and you had hated every minute of it. Not only were the hormones surging through your body making you feel emotionally, mentally and physically horrendous, but your crippling loneliness made it awful as well. Yes, you had yours and Chris’ family around you in the day which made it that little bit easier. But at night when it was just you and Dodger alone in the house, the house that was a constant reminder of your failed relationship.

Chris had tried to be there for you in any way he could, and it pained him to see you so damaged by the pregnancy. He felt to blame, and yet it was inappropriate of him to try and help relieve some of your symptoms.

Chris on the day that marked exactly four weeks before your due date had found himself parked up on the driveway of your home just watching you and waiting in case anything happened. You were struggling to walk at this stage and while you had insisted to Chris that you could take care of yourself (”Chris I’ve got this, go home I’ll be fine” you had winced as a sharp pain shot through your back). However, he knew that was just your stubbornness shining through.

So to settle his nerves Chris had camped outside of your house in his car, just in case you needed him, and as he watched you through the window standing at the kitchen. He smiled, staring at your swollen belly as you chopped vegetables at the island. His adoration for you had only grown throughout your pregnancy, he craved your attention and affection, he wanted nothing more than to be able to stand behind you now hands on your swelling stomach, kissing your hair comfortingly as you talk about your day.

His affection was quickly converted to concern however as he watched your eyes widen and hands clutch your stomach. He leant forward as he watched your look down at the floor and then grab your phone, his own beginning to ring immediately.

“Hey!” He answered, “What’s wrong?”

“You’re still outside aren’t you?” You questioned wincing.

“Yeah, why?” Chris breathed, anxiety piling up with every second that passed.

“I-I think my water just broke” You breathed, Chris immediately jumped out of the car, dropping his phone into the centre console. He raced into the house, fumbling with his keys to open the door. When finally the lock gave and he was able to rush inside he found you knelt on the kitchen floor trying to clean up the fluid that had leaked.

“Babe what are you doing?” He questioned incredulously, the nickname rolling off his tongue out of habit.

“Labour could take days, and then I’ll probably stay at the hospital for a few more. I’m not coming back in pain after having this baby and having to clean up the floor,” You explained, causing Chris to let out an exasperated laugh. “And what do you think I’m gonna be doing when this baby comes, just watching you do everything. I’ll clean this up for you” He knelt down in front of you taking the cloth from your hand. “Why don’t you head out to the car?” He questioned, “I’ll grab the bag and take Dodger round to Mrs. Dalloway.” All you could do was nod as a contraction occurred, causing your face to scrunch up and you to moan in pain.

Chris dashed around the house making sure everything was in order as you shuffled to the car. When he eventually climbed into the car, the faint sound of the radio as you text yours and Chris’ parents to let them know what was happening so they could meet you at the hospital. “You ready to have a baby?” He questioned, and you nodded wide eyed. A sense of fear reverberating between you.

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

36 hours. That’s how long it took for you to bring Emilia Grace Evans into the world. But it was so worth it. The moment you and Chris heard her cries you had made eye contact and shed tears. You fell back onto the hospital bed exhausted as the nurses shuffled to take care of you.

“Well done,” Chris whispered brushing your sweat-ridden hair away from your face. “You did so well,” He pressed a firm kiss to your temple as the midwife congratulated you on your baby girl. She was placed onto your chest, and at last you felt at peace. You felt normal again for the first time in eight months, and as your eyes moved from your beautiful newborn daughter to your ex-boyfriend, you knew that you couldn’t do this without him. The adoration in his eyes as he watched you whisper comforting words to your daughter.

It was an unspoken agreement to continue your relationship. It naturally just happened. The moment you were discharged from hospital Chris had gradually moved back into your home. You shared a bed again, he cared for you as you recovered from the ordeal that was giving birth.

And after a month of living this way you had asked what you were while rocking Emilia to sleep on your porch swing. “We’re just us, [Y/N]” Chris whispered. “We’re just our perfect little family” He smiled as Dodger nuzzled his leg.

“Our perfect little family,” You repeated, looking up at him and leaning up to kiss him as the evening sun washed over you.

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

taglist

@onetwo3000 @tvckerlance

#chris evans #cevans #chris evans imagines #chris evans one shot #chris evans x reader #chris evans x you #cevans x reader #cevans imagine #cevans imagines #cevans one shot #marvel imagines

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mymoonagedaydream · 4 years ago

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Domestic Bliss (Part 3)

Summary: No word from Stark, so you and Bucky are left to your own devices playing husband and wife for a while

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x y/n

Word Count: 1.6k

Warnings: Language

Author’s Note: I’m really enjoying writing this story :) hope it isn’t too slow burn

---

'What are you doing?'

You jumped out of your skin- for a metal unit of a man he somehow managed to move without making a sound. He was leaning against the kitchen door frame wearing a tattered t-shirt, with his hands in the pockets of his low-riding sweatpants.

'What does it look like? Making breakfast.' He furrowed his brows, seemingly astonished at the idea of you cooking. 'You want some bacon?'

'Hell yeah.’ He waltzed into the living room, adding sarcastically over his shoulder ‘you keep this up I might even marry you for real.'

To be honest, breakfast was intended as a sort of peace offering. You'd thought about it some more and he was right, you were being an asshole yesterday. You even decided to give him more bacon than you. Now that’s an apology.

'Have you heard from Stark?' He shook his head, not looking up from the pile of meat he was shovelling into his mouth. 'Me neither. I just figured it would help if we actually knew which house we were monitoring.'

'Must be one of the other three in this dead end bit, I'll head up and check out all the gear he's left us after breakfast.'

Not a bad idea, but you'd had one of your own too.

---

‘Cookies!’ You said excitedly, piling three Tupperware containers into your bag.

‘Yeah I’m not blind, just confused.’

‘This happy husband and wife are going to introduce themselves to the neighbours and these’ you shook the last box of cookies at him ‘will win us favour.’ You ignored his derisive nod.

The first house was next to yours on the left, similar looking on the outside but with two pretty expensive vintage cars parked outside. You pressed the bell and heard movement approaching. Just as the lock clicked on the other side of the door, Bucky quickly snaked his arm around your waist and pulled you into his side.

'Oh, hello.' Standing in front of you was an old lady with a British accent and warm smile.

'Hi- um...' Bucky had completely knocked you for six and, judging by the smug smirk on his face, he knew it.

'We've just moved in next door.' He piped in. 'Thought we'd come by to introduce ourselves. My wife made you some cookies too, you won’t believe how good she is at baking.'

Well shit, you'd never heard him sound so much like a normal person. He even punctuated his sentence with a polite chuckle.

'Well aren't you two just lovely.’

You smiled sweetly at her, finally back on your game, and handed over one of the Tupperware boxes. 'I'm Jo and this is Tom- it’s great to meet you.’

You made small talk with your neighbour for a couple minutes, ending with a promise to be back round for tea at your earliest convenience. As soon as the door closed, Bucky's hand dropped from your waist and he headed towards the next house.

'Maybe warn me next time Barnes? Freaked me right out.' You complained, as if that wasn't his intention. 'And if that hand goes any lower I'm taking it off.'

He stopped and saluted at you sarcastically as you passed him to go towards the next door.

The other two houses seemed completely inconspicuous too- a middle aged lady with fiery red hair who insisted the two of you join her and her husband (the lawyer) for drinks one night this week, and a couple not much older looking than you and Bucky with two young children and a new-born baby.

'Well that got us a big fat nothing.' He complained, plonking himself down on the armchair in the living room.

'You're joking, right?' He looked at you, one eyebrow raised. 'It's our first day here and we can already clearly identify the supposed residents of each house, we've convincingly consolidated our cover with each of them and two of them even invited us over.'

'Huh, suppose when you put it like that… We can probably just take the rest of the day off then.'

And he did. You spent hours in the surveillance room typing up a mission report, he watched TV for two hours then slinked off to the mini-gym for the rest of the day.

Seems he was settling into married life quite well too.

---

The next night, you and Bucky were leaving for drinks with Kate the redhead and her lawyer husband.

‘I don’t see why we’re doing this.’ He was fidgeting in the shirt that was far too tight over his shoulders. ‘That redhead hardly seems like the boss of an international crime gang.’

‘If criminals seemed like criminals they wouldn’t be very good fucking criminals would they, Barnes. And since Stark has been all-but-ignoring us since we arrived, we’ve got to explore all avenues.’

You were greeted by Kate at the door and she led you through to their house. It was decorated like a hunter’s log cabin, all brown leather and dark wood. In the living room, the lawyer was waiting with two expensive-looking bottles of scotch. Bucky was invited to join him for ‘man time’ while you and Kate were sequestered to the kitchen with a cheap bottle of wine.

You wouldn’t be coming here again.

Kate was nice enough but you had very little in common, and you could sense years of simmering resentment between her and her husband. She glared at the door after every obnoxiously loud chortle from the living room, even though you recognised some of them as Bucky, and she kept asking you whether your husband was starting to become emotionally distant yet. The evening didn’t pass nearly fast enough and you actually found yourself wishing that you had listened to your reluctant partner.

Hours later, when you finally felt you’d got as much as you could out of Kate, you made your excuses and headed to grab Bucky. He was leaning back in the leather armchair, looking different somehow. He gazed at you with a carefree grin, no tension in his shoulders and a look in his eyes you didn’t recognise.

Was he tipsy? One of the whiskey bottles was empty and they were making good progress on the second.

‘You ready to go honey?’

‘We’ve got half a bottle of Macallan scotch to drink yet sweetheart, you’re welcome to run along home if you please’ the lawyer piped up. You never bothered asking his real name, didn’t seem worth your time.

‘Nah, I’m good,' Bucky cut in, 'I think it’s time to take my beautiful wife to bed.’

He launched himself off the armchair with great effort and stumbled towards you. You were taken aback by his sudden familiarity but careful not to blow your cover, so you let him pull you in by the waist and plant a few soft kisses on the top of your head. You may even have enjoyed that part, just a bit. That was probably the wine talking though.

You didn’t enjoy, however, having to all-but-carry him for the short walk back to your house. He weighed a fuck-tonne.

The two of you spilled through the front door and into the living room, Bucky collapsing onto the armchair with all the grace of a newborn horse.

'That guy was an asshole, man.' He had his head back and his eyes closed, so you had a bit of difficulty deciding whether he was speaking to you or himself.

'Yeah? How so?'

'Just a stuck up rich guy y'know, plus the way he spoke to you was out of order. Give me the word next time and I'll bust his ass.'

'I appreciate the sentiment Barnes' you chuckled, 'but I can look after myself just fine.'

Content that he'd survive the night with nothing more than a throbbing headache, you started walking past him towards the stairs. As you got to his side he reached out, grabbing you by the wrist softly, but with enough force that you stopped dead and looked over at him. His eyes were open now, he was staring at you earnestly.

'I'm serious y/n. No-one speaks to my wife like that.'

---

‘What the HELL?’

You jolted awake. Turning your head, you looked at the time. 3am? What in Christ's name is he shouting for?

Oh fuck, you’d forgotten.

You were pissed off at Bucky earlier for leaving all his dirty plates in the sink, so you’d put them in his bed. Petty, yes. But your point was a fair one.

You’d left him on the armchair, he must’ve slept there for a few hours then woken up and decided to go to bed. He stormed into your room.

‘Why the FUCK are there plates in my bed?’

‘Oh gosh, I’m not sure. Maybe the dish fairy, you know the one who puts your dishes in the washer after you leave them all over the place, put them there?’

Swaying slightly and clenching his teeth, you guessed he was probably too drunk and sleepy for a proper argument.

‘Right.’ He pulled his shirt off.

‘Whoa Barnes, the fuck are you playing at?’ Bucky was undoing his belt and in a matter of seconds was standing in your room in just his underwear.

‘Move over.’

‘Instinct says... no.’

With a slightly jarring look of determination, Bucky clambered over you to the far side of the bed and pulled the covers over himself. For a second you were silent with shock. You and Bucky were in bed together, both just wearing underwear.

His thigh brushed against yours and sent an electric sensation up your side.

Granted, it would be a hell of a lot easier to just accept this and go to sleep, but you had to be seen to make some kind of protest. You half-heartedly grabbed his arm, trying to yank him towards the edge of the bed- a pointless endeavour.

‘This is not happening.’

‘Go sleep in the ketchup bed then.’

‘You’re an ass.’

He let out a deep chuckle before turning his back to you and getting comfortable. After firing an irritated groan at the back of his neck, you flicked the lamp off and turned your back in kind.

Before falling asleep, you and Bucky shared a thought. You tried not to over-analyse it, but it made Bucky grin to himself.

You could easily have gone to sleep on the sofa.

---

Part Four

---

@billy-jeans23

---

#bucky x you #bucky x reader #bucky x y/n #bucky imagine #bucky fanfiction #bucky fluff #bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x y/n #bucky barnes imagine #bucky barnes fanfiction #marvel fanfiction #marvel fic #marvel imagine #bucky barnes fluff #bucky fic #bucky barnes fic

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senju-sekhmet · 4 years ago

Text

The Leash (Part 7)

Summary: Your rescue was supposed to be as smooth as these missions can be. However very quickly, Tobirama faces off against an enemy that has no form, color or smell - and time is running short, very fast. Unless he figures out what truly holds you hostage, your life will be lost. Warnings (for the finished work): Blood, illness, descriptions of heavy injuries and graphic violence, torture (both depicted and implied), needles, morally grey territory, human experimentation, panic attacks, character death ~5300 words (this chapter, finished work: 80.000) Previous: Part 1; Part 2; Part 3; Part 4; Part 5; Part 6 Read on AO3! Disclaimer below the cut! (I updated it actually this time, lmfao)

DISCLAIMER! I’ve split the chapters of as some of them were too long (the last one being +18k, oopz), therefore this comes a little bit shorter than usual! But each of them still should contain a meaningful amount of progress in terms of, y’know. Plot and all. But! It should make posting the chapters more frequently a bit easier. More angst and science here! Other than that: enjoy my very self indulgent work, filled with my own headcanons and angst galore. Let me know what you think and thank you so much for reading!!!! ______ Tobirama couldn’t believe what you had just said. So much so he fell silent after his incredulous outbreak - prompting you to repeat your eerily calm statement. “You need more time. Stretching the intervals will do just that.” His hand on your shoulder gripped it tighter as the message had settled in, slowly, but he retorted before he had comprehend it, really. “Absolutely not!”

You closed your eyes slowly. “Tobirama…”

Your calmness was unnerving him additionally. “Do you even realise what you’re saying?!”, his voice had risen in volume.

Your eyes snapped open again. Your stare was boring into his, the cold hand that had been caressing him fell limply to your chest. “I’m the one who is going to suffer, so I’d say yes,” you stated.

Tobirama’s heart was hammering in his chest again. But this time, it was from fury - the worry from before was shadowed by it easily. The things you were saying - outrageous. “The withdrawal is lethal! I will not allow this, Y/n!”, he was almost shouting now. Hell, were you losing your mind?

Your mien hardened. “It is not lethal right away. The decision to shorten the interval because of potential harms was made by an assumption we have no hard proof of,” you countered somberly. "Maybe it can be stretched."

Tobirama drew his hands back to cross them in front of his chest, causing you to wince as your chakra connection abruptly ended. He merely hissed curtly, but the ire had his chakra swelling already - such a connection would be dangerous to your delicate state now. Besides, it made arguing a lot easier. “We have very good reason to believe stretching the interval is dangerous,” he began, his baritone voice near trembling again. He still couldn’t believe you were even talking about this. “And you are in absolutely no state to take on even more strain, at all,” the sternness was becoming scathing.

You laid completely still in the bed. His attitude was bouncing off of your stoic demeanour like water on oiled leather still. “Then I’ll need more support. There are ways to do that until the withdrawal becomes too detrimental to my health, then I get the next dose.”

You made it sound so easy. So simple. Like nothing was at stake here.

Tobirama’s expression fell apart more and more. He could only gaze at you in utter horror. “You’ll suffer miserably, Y/n,” his voice was cracking. Whether it was from fury or shock, he didn’t know anymore. Unable to sit still anymore, he jumped to his feet to stand by your side. “We don't know at all if there aren't more ways in which the withdrawal will harm you! Even if we get you through those prolonged withdrawal phases - which we will not be having - there is no saying what effects it will have on you - what if you’re taking permanent damage?” He’d never forgive himself if that were to happen - if you became impaired because he did not administer this godforsaken leash on time.

If you died because of a gamble. He was trembling now.

You gasped almost inaudibly, your facade cracking finally. A wrinkle on your forehead. Tobirama huffed. Just as quickly though, you found your proverbial balance again. “I’d rather become handicapped than dead, Tobirama.”

The statement hit close to home. Only momentarily though for his anger bristled even harsher in return for it. Proceeding like this might just as well kill you, after all. “You’re expecting me to let you undergo additional, intense torment, risk permanent injury, possibly even killing you!”, he intended to make it a question, but as he listed these things, he was almost shouting again. His hands gesticulated out of sheer frustration - every fiber of himself refused even entertaining this idea more; even discussing this was so revulsive he thought he’d stumble over his words until all he’d bring out was ‘no’. “I won’t allow this.” His eyes narrowed as he stared you down, crossing his arms firmly in front of his chest. “We are not doing that.”

Your gaze narrowed in turn. Again, you started to move again to sit up in the bed, each arm by your side hefting your chest up - get closer to eye level with him. Tobirama scowled and took a step closer to your side. “Y/n!”, he couldn’t believe it - just a short while ago he had berated you on resting, and already, you were moving again - plus, you obviously weren’t letting this foolish, foolish idea go-

“Tobirama,” your voice was clouded with fury of your own now. He placed a hand on your shoulder that already wanted to shove you back onto the bed again, but it rested for now. “I know that,” you panted, hissing past clenched teeth. “But you forget that all of that won’t matter if I die because there’s none of that damn leash left!”, your voice rose to a shout, hoarse as your vocal chords still reeled from the abuse.

He stared back at you for a moment only, his vision tunneling. The fury was burning under his skin. Each and every single aspect of this proposal was just plain wrong-

“Lie down again,” he hissed strictly, mustering every bit of his control to not shout back at you. Or simply shove you down. Or use more unkind words.

“I will not,” but before Tobirama could shout back at you, your frail hand had gripped his wrist. He felt the tremble in your body from the extortion of sitting up - he knew this must cause you pain, too. But you didn’t give him a chance to speak or start berating you, “Stretching the interval is going to give you - me - us - more desperately needed time, Tobirama. Time is all that matters now!”

He stared right into your eyes which he was positive were glistening now. Distantly, he became aware again of the fact how his heart was still hammering against his ribcage.

“Even if it’s just twenty-four hours, maybe thirty-six,” you finally whispered, letting go of his hand and sinking back on the bed, panting. The little endeavour had visibly cost you quite some energy - but then by now, the delirium phase would start again soon. It was hailed by the weakness. “Think about that logically for a damn second, please,” you breathed.

Tobirama felt the heartache constrict his chest again. Desperately he began to take deep breaths against the feeling, raking a hand over his scalp. Unable to stand still any longer, he turned around. Pacing in front of the end of your bed, his mind was racing while the emotions were surging. He couldn’t possibly allow this. It was foolish, it was unspeakably dangerous for you - and there was no telling if they could extend the interval by a meaningful margin. He’d agree to a terrible amount of agony for you, risk handicapping you - for what?

Time. The reason was time. The one thing he needed. Well, despite the solution to the mystery of the leash. But time would answer that one just as well.

It was a gamble with the highest stake: you. But you were on the line, either way. Either he took the five days he had left and worked nonstop. Or he took this risk, this ridiculously perilous risk, he forced you through a new dimension of hell - and he gained more time.

He was confident in his skills - but never so arrogant to look in the mirror and think a day - or more - would not matter in cracking the leash. Because they would. Greatly. Maybe not enough to even the odds. But every day you endured longer - he absolutely loathed himself for how logical the whole situation seemed.

Tobirama was seething with rage. Rage about the situation. Your proposal. What this meant for you. Your stubbornness. “Dammit,” he muttered near silently.

Your eyes were on him with a sad look when he gazed back at you, both hands gripping the foot end of the bed. His knuckles turned white. “I don’t want to do this,” he breathed, desperation seeping into his voice, jaw taunt again.

You blinked, a sorrowful smile tugging at the corners of your lips. “I don’t either, Tobirama,” you whispered, haunted.

He clenched his teeth. He wanted to say there had to be another way - but he knew, there was none. By all means, if he knew one thing despairingly clear now, unravelling the leash was a staggering task, even for him.

He swallowed the lump down his throat. His head hung low. This was another defeat. “I’ll speak to Hashirama about this,” he finally muttered brokenly, aware of what waited for you next - medically - would well exceed his skills. It wasn’t about mending some damages you had suffered - no, this would be about keeping you stable. Alive. Not that he had the time to supervise you as much as you’d need to, now. Another fact that didn’t sit well with him at all. Not only were you going to very likely be in a critical condition, but he also couldn’t be there all the way through, for every bitter second of it.

He looked back up at you, furrowing his eyebrows forlornly.

“Tobirama,” you called out then, softly. Your hand waved him over, he obliged, slumping down by your side again, still gazing down sadly.

Your hand reached for his and he couldn’t help but notice the fine tremor that shook your arm. It would get so much worse from now on. He took it in both of his, a palm running over your forearm soothingly.

His eye widened slightly when he felt the faintest nudge at his chakra network - you were trying to soothe over his like he had done so often these past few days. The gesture was incredibly touching on the one hand and on the other it was heartbreaking. He closed his eyes and groaned faintly to ease the ache somehow, letting his chakra graze over your network. A chill sensation on his cheek prompted him to open his eyes again. You were caressing his cheek again.

“It’ll be fine, Tobirama,” you whispered.

No, it won’t be. He didn’t respond.

Your mien became more sorrowful again. “Tobi,” you began, the nickname warming his heart like few things could. “Promise me you’ll go as far with this as you possibly can.” Your gaze was piercing. He gasped. “Promise me no matter how much I scream, writhe or whatever - so long as it’s possibly justifiable, you’ll hold off of giving me the next dose.”

His pulse thundered in his chest. This is insane. Nobody should ever agree to this. He didn’t want to. He’d never want to do anything that’d make you suffer.

“Promise me,” you repeated when he didn’t reply right away, firmer now but no less mournful. Your thumb grazed over his cheekbone.

He felt entirely numb when he spoke. “I promise, Y/n,” he choked out, voice broken. His grip around your hand and arm was firm now. Desperate. “But I won’t risk anything,” he added swiftly, “I can’t - I can’t do that.”

“I know. Thank you,” you replied, almost a whimper. Your hand smoothed over his face to reach for the back of his skull, through his hair. With very light pressure, you beckoned him closer. Dazedly he moved again, and a moment later your cool lips were on his in an utterly tender kiss. He couldn’t help the whimper of his own that escaped against your lips. Your hand stroked over his short hair.

He pulled back only very slightly after, his face hovering over yours. Your eyes were glistening again. His were prickling again, too. “I don’t want to lose you, Y/n,” he muttered.

You gave another smile that tore at his heart. “You won’t. I’ll fight as much as you do.”

He was damn sure you’d fight. In both a sarcastic and wholehearted way.

He closed his eyes and a hand snuck around your chest, under you, while his face buried in the crook of your neck. Your arms wrapped around him. He took a deep breath that nearly turned into a sob.

You kept rubbing gently over his back while he tried to bite down on more tears and sobs. The ache in his heart was near unbearable now.

_____

As much as he wanted to simply hold you, time was more essential than ever. He mournfully released you not long after and with another warm caress, both inwardly by his chakra and outwardly, he promised he’d be back soon to find his brother and discuss the plan. You on the other hand had become weaker yet again, urging him to hurry even more. The withdrawal would set in soon, and they had to be ready.

Even so, Tobirama decided to make most of the time he had, as well. If you were going to run a high risk, so would he - before he sought out his brother who no doubt was in the Hokage office at this time of the day - past noon - he went to the laboratory again. Three shadow clones - for now. With what little information he had gleaned from Zenji as well as the result from his first experiment, he might as well triple his efforts in trying to recreate the leash. Four times more, once he was involved. Frankly the number was low for him, but they'd be working quite a long time and he well remembered the head-splitting concentration it had taken to even conduct his first experiment in imbuing the basis with chakra.

When he'd let these clones disappear, it'd be tripled. So would the progress, however. He let out a low gruff when they got to work. All he needed to do was remind himself of the strain you'd be shouldering soon.

He should have done this from day one. But then he didn't have enough information to go with for this to be truly efficient - he hadn’t even known what to do, really.

Hashirama indeed was in the office, which Tobirama noted was in some disarray. Quite possibly because he had not been here to swat at his brother's hands. His scowl mustered the scrolls that were strewn about, shaking his head.

Hashirama already sighed when he noticed his disapproving glance. "You're not here to berate me I'm guessing," he began, already defensively.

"I have more urgent business, although I will say this office is ridiculously untidy," he frowned, casting a last glance around to find his brother drooping again. Luckily they didn't receive guests in here. Tobirama crossed his arms.

"Yes…?" Hashirama inquired, slumping further into his chair.

"Y/n … brought up an idea," he began, suddenly finding difficulty in wording this. Proposing this insane plan. His pulse picked up already. He tilted his head to gaze out of the window behind his brother. "We… I need more time, anija. And she thinks we should extend the interval at which she takes what we have left of the leash as much as possible."

Once the words had left him, a weight felt lifted off of his shoulders at the same time it came crashing onto his chest again. His heart. There was no turning back now. He firmly had to believe this was the right thing to do. Like so often these past few days. He simply staggered through the heartache all this caused him and tried to forget about how wrong it was.

Hashirama straightened in his chair, frowning now. His elbows propped up on the desk and he intertwined his fingers. Any of the depressed demeanour was gone. "I hardly think I need to tell you of all people how dangerous that is, Tobirama."

Tobirama hissed past his clenched teeth. "Tell me something new." He still found himself profusely struggling with all this. "I… even if it's just a day or a day and a half more," echoing your words. He paused, his arms sliding down and fists clenching by his sides. "I can't deny I'd take every damn hour I can get."

Hashirama's gaze was trained on the desk, his forehead wrinkled in fine ponder. "It's that bad," he whispered, half to himself.

Tobirama remained silent. He needn't supply that statement with more fodder. Him being here - saying the things he was saying - was proof enough of that. Slowly, he crossed his arms again, taking deep breaths.

That sort of had seemed to become his new mantra.

Hashirama leaned back in the chair again, turning slightly but still lost in thought. "The withdrawal ultimately is lethal, that much we have ascertained."

Tobirama sighed. The words stabbed at his heart. "Indeed," he replied nonetheless, beaten down. "We have to stabilise her as long as possible-"

Hashirama cut in. "-before the withdrawal becomes too severe. I understand that." He fell silent again.

Tobirama grew uneasy the longer Hashirama did not speak.

When he finally spoke again, Tobirama almost flinched. "I'm not sure to what degree that is possible," he began slowly, a hand rubbing over his chin. "We're already facing the problem of Y/n's chakra overload due to weeks of sloppy care on top of grievous injury, so that is not a good angle to work with. One we will have to use if necessary - even if it means to overburden her - but as a last resort."

Tobirama listened intently, trying to ignore the rush of blood in his ears. The implications of his brother’s elaborations didn’t sit well with him either, but then what of this did? Therefore he didn’t argue, but just listen.

"It comes down to using every kind of physical aid we have available therefore, mainly medicine. Also other physical aid, but that would be our focus, for now."

"That's not a bad start," Tobirama stated, aware there was more to follow.

Which it did. "Any chakra based methods are our last resort. And we won't be able to do anything for her physical state otherwise, meaning her remaining injuries won’t receive attention." That would set you back yet again - they'd again push the limits of what you could take, even go beyond. And after - after all this was over, you'd face a prolonged recovery to repair those damages perfectly. Tobirama's hands bunched the black fabric of his shirt.

It was manageable, still. Somehow. Eventually.

Hashirama was not done though. "I'm worried it won't hold very long. The withdrawal effect we have witnessed was intense as such. That was somewhat more than the interval we're at now. And we know the bulk of it seems to stem from the way the victim’s chakra starts to interact with the leash."

Tobirama frowned. Something about that sentence made him wonder - but he stowed it away for later. "So you're saying we can't prolong the dose by a meaningful margin either way?"

Hashirama shook his head. "I don't know enough to make a prognosis. But…," he sighed. Tobirama knew that sigh. Whatever Hashirama wanted to say next won't sit well with him. Inwardly, he rolled his eyes. It couldn't get any worse at this point, why mince his words? "... there might be merit in sealing off Y/n's chakra, temporarily. As long as the withdrawal sets in worse."

That did strike him harshly. Tobirama sucked in a sharp breath. "That's tantamount to amputation, anija," he rasped out with a slight tremble to his voice, a cold shiver running over his back.

Hashirama cleared his throat solemnly. "Think of it more as restraining."

The world was upside down if Tobirama became the one to question Hashirama's methods. "Restraining implies just preventing something - you're talking about taking it away from her completely!", his voice rose in volume as the shock seeped through his veins icily. "A punishment befitting criminals," he added, pained.

It hurt. It hurt so much because -

Deep down, he already knew this was yet another thing they'd end up doing to you, thinking it was best. He'd do better accepting it quickly. Still, in this moment - it was sheer horror. He’d fight it, be disgusted of it… and do it anyway.

Hashirama closed his eyes. " Temporarily, Tobirama. It's worth a try. It won’t stop the withdrawal as it gets worse, because her chakra is just sealed from her, but obviously not gone from her body. But I’m confident it’s going to help prolong the time between the intervals." Of course it was. Logically, he well comprehended this. If he’d sit down calmly, he’d have come up with this on his own, too. It didn't make accepting this easier.

But he had to.

Defeatedly he heaved a heavy breath. "Very well." He silently hoped you were so out of it by then, you wouldn't feel it as much anymore.

"I'll speak to Mito," Hashirama announced. "And I will supervise Y/n personally." He rose to his feet already. "When would the next dose be needed?"

"About two hours," Tobirama murmured, feeling numb again.

"Alright. Then there still is some time." Already, Hashirama began to move for the door. "I'll be in the laboratory. I want to be notified right away if any complications arise," Tobirama announced tersely, “Or when she needs the next dose.” No discussion about this whatsoever.

Time to deal with the problem that was splitting his head, not his heart.

_______ He inspected his shadow clones work when he got back to the laboratory. Not much more than what he had managed before - but they had just started to work. He briefly contemplated visiting you again but decided against it in favour of you resting.

You were in for enough as it was. He resolved to put every single second to use now more than ever given the situation had become as grave. Yet being here again placed him in front of the seemingly insurmountable task again. He still didn’t know how to continue, and what he had gleaned so far served as a vague indicator at best. If he interpreted it wrong, he might end up in the wrong direction altogether. And that meant…

The painful tightness settled in his chest again. He took a moment of gripping the lab bench tightly to breathe through it.

He really only had one shot at this.

Reviewing what he knew so far he was almost completely convinced that the liquid had been imbued with chakra, no particular jutsu involved at all - but rather a complex weaving technique of chakra itself - akin to the way medical jutsu at a very basic level worked. Simply because his first experiment had shown a similar effect in Zenji. Still, he couldn't rule the possibility out entirely, since his experiment hadn’t produced the same effects the leash did. So far concerning the immediate effect of the leash.

But there was also the time component. Because his own experiment had worn off rather quickly in comparison to the original, Tobirama couldn’t help but wonder if maybe a technique was needed after all to make it last longer. A seal, rather, he corrected himself. However that, he judged, would not be as difficult to imitate - it’d have to be a containment seal of inferior quality due to the fact neither he nor Hashirama found any trace of it on the bottle they had brought with them. Anything more complicated would’ve required some ink work.

A relief, albeit a small one.

He still did not know at all how the change of the chakra component between muting and then disrupting the victim’s chakra happened, though. Recalling how different your two blood samples had presented - it made him doubt again if there really was no jutsu involved. This seemed too far-fetched to be accomplished by weaving of chakra alone. Every effect the leash caused - altering chakra flows to a stop, almost, and causing disruption in someone’s network to a point the body reacts, violently and physically - a well-versed medical nin could produce in a like human being with their own chakra. But to imbue a liquid that caused these effects consecutively in a timely manner - for a duration that would kill the victim before they have worn off - it seemed near impossible, the more Tobirama thought of it.

Unless.

He recalled Hashirama’s words from before: the bulk of it seems to stem from the way the victim’s chakra starts to interact with the leash.

Something about that had bothered him. Why would someone go the long way to create a drug that served as a chemical leash due to its withdrawal effect without actually taking advantage of it in interrogation settings? Wouldn’t it be more sensible to let the victim suffer continuously in fact, and not with the belated onset? Sure, the withdrawal effects were lethal at some point - but Tobirama did not doubt for one second that a person who was able to imbue a vial with chakra that changed its effect over time could easily let the uncomfortable feeling of the withdrawal set in sooner and prolong that, shortening the chakra muting phase of the drug. Even scrapping it altogether, really. To immobilize a victim’s chakra was handy for torture, true - it lowered mental defenses. To some degree, anyway - it hadn’t worked with you. Yet… bothering a person with something like the withdrawal effect would do the same just as well. Even for restraining purposes this seemed ineffective: chakra handcuffs or the like would serve the purpose better and longer. A torturer should know how to seal off chakra, too.

It hit Tobirama then.

The leash didn’t change over time. It had not one, but two chakra components: one to clog the victim’s chakra flow, the other to disrupt it.

How had he not realised this sooner? Just as he found a medic-nin might create all these effects in a person, he should’ve realised it would be impossible to do so without actively altering the chakra they were using profusely. Or, multitracking with two different kinds of chakra flows at the same time. He had judged what the leash did was extremely difficult to recreate - but that was because the way he perceived it, it just was not possible. Chakra did not change on its own, someone needed to do it.

He couldn’t help but bark a haughty laugh for being so foolish to think the Stone shinobi had pulled that off. Well, then again he had seen stranger things.

The chakra muting component of the leash settled in and covered up the disruption component until it wore off and the victim began to experience symptoms. The chakra muting component therefore wasn’t intended for torture: it was necessary. Without it, the withdrawal would set in right away, starting to kill the victim. From the examinations he and Hashirama had performed on you during the withdrawal he knew the disruption was incurable in the way toxins might be extracted; that had been a hint to the chakra based nature of the leash. But not just that: it spread through the whole body, seeped through everywhere, making it impossible to be destroyed manually, in a sense. When he examined your blood, he had seen then the correlation of this; the enemies' chakra that had near branded itself to your cells in a most detrimental way. Both the effect it causes as well as your body's reaction were what was killing you during withdrawal.

A cure will have to remove it, Tobirama dismally realised. Somehow.

Though even more dismally he found that new questions arose from these realisations. While he had ascertained there must be two components, he still did not answer the initial question: was it really not possible to simply increase the withdrawal effect over time, foregoing the muting component? This seemed extra complicated. There had to be more to it - the only guess he could hazard really was the fact once imbued with chakra, the substance’s effect wouldn’t change. Any shift in intensity in the drug would only happen due to an effect wearing off. And why did the muting effect fade, but not the withdrawal effect? When he first analysed the leash with his sensory skills, the substance appeared so intricately woven, he hadn't even guessed two manipulations happened. Even your blood had not made him guess as much - initially there had been this fuzzy, heavy aspect of it - almost smothering - and in the later sample, it was stingy, like a million hooks that ripped along everything they touched, specifically chakra and its pathways. Why had he not felt both, if there had been two modifications?

Tobirama groaned finally and rubbed a hand over his face. The more he thought about all of this, the more he felt like he was starting to split hairs. He still hadn’t even found out how to weave the chakra in properly. Sighing heavily he released his clones briefly just to let them reappear, equipped with his new thoughts. The exhaustion was bearable as of now given they had not been working long yet, but still, the amount of images, feelings and experience that flooded his mind the moment he broke the jutsu made him stagger a moment.

He was not looking forward to gathering their results for this day.

Cynically he noted more sleep and food might help the issue. But he had no time for that yet.

Time to get to work himself. He began exactly the same as last time; starting to weave chakra he figured would cause the desired effect in a person’s body. Thanks to his added experience the process was a little bit faster, but it still took him - and his clones - a fair deal of time to produce four vials in total. And the concentration required was daunting - he couldn’t allow himself a moment of distraction or the tiny threads might crumble, knot together or frazzle. He might as well try to weave a complex pattern using spiderwebs only, or something of that caliber. The result wasn’t even gratifying: he merely had the muting component woven in, nothing like disruption was added yet. Truth be told, Tobirama was quite worried the delicate structure might crumble if he added more to it.

But he had to, eventually. Still, he had four vials in total now to try it with.

His gaze wandered to the clock. You had exceeded your interval by four hours so far. Which meant right now, you definitely would be suffering - and Hashirama was managing, or else he’d have sent for Tobirama.

If his brother had administered the next dose without him, then so help him whatever power he wanted to place his faith in.

He slipped one of the vials into his pocket. Then, he himself and each of the clones performed a very simple seal to preserve the vials as they were so the chakra woven in wouldn’t diminish over time. With a heavy sigh, he released the three shadow clones - and instantly grasped for the lab bench when the exhaustion hit him. It wasn’t just like feeling tired, worn out. He felt entirely stripped of his last shred of concentration, let alone energy to keep his eyes open. This might as well have been a blow to his head with a hammer, shattering the bone and ringing through his brain. His own chakra levels were not bothered at all - none of this was demanding in chakra quantity. He panted heavily and tried to keep his eyes open forcibly - just a while longer. The experience he gathered was so valuable - he just gained three sessions like this.

The question was how often he could take it.

He lingered a moment longer in order to regain his composure and remember the way to your room again.

Why did he have to remember, though?

Wait. He had his branded kunai in there.

That bad, huh. Tobirama shivered. This kind of blunder really was not like him.

With a low grunt, he placed the vial in his pocket back onto the laboratory rack. He’d conduct his next tests after he rested some. This wasn’t going to yield good results and so he was forced to having only his mood greatly soured by this. He simply had no time for things like… sleep.

Blinking slowly, he forced the last bit of concentration out of him and used the hiraishin seal to teleport to your room.

#tobirama #tobirama senju #tobirama x reader #tobirama senju x reader #sekhmet writes

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