#this was a tremendous change from the manga to the anime by the way

[everyryuujisuguro]

[tobiasdrake]

Oh shit, the reboot of Ranma 1/2 has begun airing on Netflix. I am here for this.

Like a lot of people with gender stuff, Ranma 1/2 was a major part of my formative years. It was the first anime I ever saw outside of dubbed TV broadcasts, before I really understood what anime was. And the first anime I liked so much that I ravenously devoured the manga it was adapting.

To this day, I often find myself thinking back to it. Ranma 1/2 had a lot to say about societally-enforced toxic masculinity, and also about intrinsic gender identity that doesn't change even when the body fails to match.

In a way, it was kind of ahead of its time. It came to us in a time when a lot of genderbending stuff was like, "Okay, if your body turns female, then you're a girl. If your body turns male, then you're a boy. Whatever your body looks like at the moment, that's your gender, those are your pronouns. Now let's come up with a cute little name for what we should call your opposite-gender self when you flip!"

But here was Ranma 1/2 saying, "Ranma Saotome is a man. It does not matter if his body is female or male; he is always a man at heart." He never misses an opportunity to correct people who misgender him - or to seek a cure for the gender dysphoria that his curse routinely inflicts on him.

But he also has extremely rigid beliefs about masculinity and femininity; Beliefs that cage him in a prison of his own mind. He's not ashamed, at times, to take advantage of his curse in order to indulge in things that men "are not allowed to do".

Small things like sitting around an ice cream parlor enjoying a sundae. Real Men (TM) don't eat ice cream! Ranma is proud of his masculinity, but is also a slave to it. He is proud of his gender identity regardless of the shape of his body, but nonetheless cross-dresses to escape from the gendered pressures he places on himself.

And he gave a lot of fans their trans awakening. For a lot of people, myself included, Ranma Saotome was their first experience with the idea that assigned-sex did not have to be the absolute truth of your identity. Many fans took tremendous inspiration from Ranma's curse, and carried their own interpretation of Ranma with them in their heart as they went.

The fandom is overflowing with transfem Ranmas and genderfluid Ranmas and nonbinary Ranmas, because that is what this character meant to the LGBT community of his day.

He may not have been perfect - In fact, when you get right down to it, he's basically just a macho cis regularly forced into drag for comedic effect; This is not Gay Shakespeare - but he left a mark on the community. He was a key that unlocked the identities of a lot of us.

So it's with both excitement and also a degree of trepidation that I say, "Welcome back to modern pop culture, Ranma 1/2."

[jaquelinemejia]

A Journey of Art and Expression

As a college student who is under pressure for the lectures, assignments, and deadlines, it is easy to lose yourself that only wants to show your creativity and expression. For me, anime and manga have become more than just entertainment. Now it is my inspiration through which I illustrate my emotions. What began as a hobby has developed into a source of inspiration, shaping not only my art but the type of person I am today.

I never imagined that something so simple would completely change my life. But it did. It was three years ago that I began to experiment with my own art, using anime and manga as my foundation. I found that their different art styles from minimalist sketches to highly detailed drawings offered me possibilities for creative exploration.

It all began with Junji Ito. His works were my first taste of horror that felt deeply artistic. The numerous details of his drawings, the creepy atmosphere he created, and the way his stories twisted reality. I saw that art wasn't just about creating something "horrifying" , it was about illustrating feelings. Junji Ito's work taught me that art can be raw, intense, and real.

At the same time, anime like Attack on Titan and One Piece started shaping my understanding of how deep stories could be. Attack on Titan showed me a world on the border of collapse, where the characters fought not just against giants, but for their very freedom and identity. The themes of survival and courage hit me hard. In One Piece, a story about dreams and adventure reminded me that no dream is too big, and no obstacle too difficult.

These shows taught me the importance of resilience and how challenging life can be, and how storytelling through art could be both deeply personal and universal at the same time. From personal growth and sacrifice to racism and violence, these stories talk about the complexities of life. Characters often overcoming tremendous obstacles, serve as reminders that perseverance and self-discovery are not always easy paths.

Today, I use anime and manga not only as a personal escape but as a tool to engage with others. Connecting over shared passions and experiences. It’s not just about drawing, but about drawing my emotions, my growth, and my journey finding my place in the world. Through every stroke, I am creating not only art but a piece of myself.

[kyojurosprettygirl]

ok so... Gyomei and gorgon! reader? (like medusa) she turns ppl to stone of they look at her but he's blind, so he's immune. reader is very lonely and when she meets Gyomei they're happy to finally talk to someone. Gyomei also gets some eyewear so she doesn't hurt anyone else as they be together. she'd wear a cloak or hijab to hide her snakes. as they walk together and the snakes on reader's head also likes gyomei Hhehvibdnvjfnf

a/n: I love the way you think!!! GOSH, i feel this is perfect for Gyomei (UvvvU) I rarely see anyone write for Gyomei, so I was pretty excited to write for him, but very nervous as well! Since, I don't feel I know enough of his character, and as far as im aware, hasn't been animated in action that much. I can really only write him based on what I know from his wiki and manga... Hope this atleast meets your expectations!! also, because of my lack of knowledge in Hijabs, I decided not to use that as a cover for her snakes, simply to be respectful, apolgies in advance!!

love casted in the stones.

Gyomei Himejima x Gorgon! Fem! reader

a man with tremendous faith, who never once doubted his gods plans for him, how peculiar, you think. he had every right to give up on religion, would a god really cast blindness upon their child? hell, you see and hear your own brother curse the gods for who they made you and him to be on the daily. but, he never thought of it as a set-back, rather, a small exchange.

in life, balance is an important part of it to upkeep. the same way life does to death, and darkness does to light. unbalance would bring chaos, something you learned to understand. it cannot always be day, but it cannot always be night. to him, losing one sense simply acted as a sacrifice, let the illness take you, or, let the illness take your sight. losing your sight isn't a curse, its not something you'd willingly live without, sure, but what good will cursing the gods out because of it do for you? besides, you can't get it back, so why dwell on it? why dwell on something you cannot change? It is a part of you, why not embrace it?

but oh, does it get lonely...

.

"furukawa." your tone is stern and harsh, a drastic difference from the soft honey your tone usually held. he stutters and closes his eyes, furrowing his brows he sighs. you gently remove his prayer beads from his hands and kneel next to him, you look up at him expectantly and he kneels next to you. hes embarrassed you caught him in such a state.

having lost faith isn't something unheard of, it happens almost every day, infact gorgons are known to be faithless beings by default, but, cursing the gods you swear you don't believe in is unheard of. gorgons had no reason to believe in the higher powers when, lets face it, if they existed, they wouldn't curse the souls they created for no apparent reason. gorgons are faithless as a means to respect the gods, not to detest them. they know gods are supposed to love every being they sculpted, lead them to abundance and fortune, not into the hidden parts of the earth to live the rest of their lives as mere folktale and legends. but alas, 'lost' faith still lingers. deep down, gorgons still believe. the reason why is subjective, 'to each their own', but they all hold their arms out in hope. hope that they'll hear their desperate cries to allow them to live with the others who walk on the planet.

most your kind, mistaken as demons, had been killed in what the last of your kind knows as 'The Great Extinction'. you can't blame the humans, it was in their instincts to survive.. ugly faces that had snakes for hair...ones that couldn't wait to bite and poison you...glowing silver eyes that turn you to stone while your still alive, feeling the very painful change your body was going through.. your kind truly was demonic, but you didn't choose to live that way. You were innocent souls that had been dealt the unfortunate, forced to hide away simply for being born. it was a horrible fate, but, 'everything happens for a reason'

"it's a wonder this temple is still standing," you pause and look at him. he nods, his eyes casted to the floor. you tap his cheek and offer him a gentle smile, one he returns. "speak to me, Kaito." you place his prayer beads down, and face him. he opens his mouth to speak, but sighs. "i can't find the words." his snakes sensed his sadness and awoke to try and comfort him, but he simply brushes them away gently and orders them to stop. they sit still on his head the way hair naturally would, and close their eyes to rest once again. "we're not going to exist soon. after you and i die, that's it." you wince subtly and look to the side.

kaito and his grandfather had taken you and your grandmother away from where your kind had hidden themselves for generations, a group of humans having found it and planned an attack that killed them all. 'they've gotten smarter' kaitos grandfather said. 'used mirrors to kill us!' your grandmother shouted, anger filled her soul. after many weeks of hiding, once your grandparents deemed it safe to go back to your old home, you went back. you spent a year burying statues of those you called friends and family, and rebuilt one single home to live in. you and kaito went as far to bury humans statues simply because 'it was the right thing to do.' your grandmother died angry, and kaitos grandfather had died depressed.

"and maybe it's for the better, kaito." his brows furrow, frustration evident in his face. "we're going to all die out and never experience the way life was mean't to be lived. all we know is that demons walk upon us and eat everyone they see-" you pinch his arm, "we are apart of those demons kaito. that's what the humans see us as. monsters. they won't accept us with open arms, just one more issue to deal with. two of us versus millions of them. " he grunts. "you shouldn't curse the gods who keep us alive and hidden." he gets up. "oh, you mean the ones who keep us alive to mourn everyone whos died. keep us alive to hide and only see the sun for one hour a day. is that what we live for? is that what we thank them for? for absolutely nothing?" you stare and him and grab his prayer beads, gently fixing them into the correct position in his hands. you take your own prayer beads out and hold them, closing your eyes. "protect us. it's all i ask of you." kaito prays the same as you and smiles.

you and kaito venture out during the night, deciding to find ways to blend in as you traveled. for about two hours into the night all seemed fine, but a demon had made their way to you both, mistaking you as humans. she growled as she jumped at you and kaito, you and him barley missing her attack, and you looked at kaito for a plan. he shrugged and you realized she didn't turn to stone. your eyes widen as you speak, "she's immune to us, she's a demon.." kaitos eyes widen and he runs to grab you. he helps you to your feet and commands you to run. in a state of panic, you do as told, and its only when you hear a humans agonizing scream when you realize he wasn't following. "Kaito!" you scream, he turns around to face you and he looks afraid. You reach your hand out and run to him, "Kaito!" you scream again. He reaches his hand out to you, and your three feet away when a blade finds it's way infront of you, cleanly beheading him. You gasp and open your mouth to scream, it's silent. its once his head falls to the floor when you kneel down and find it in you to scream. You hold his head close to your body and weep. You look up at the demon slayer, making eye contact, and you don't realize your mistake until his arms are stuck in place. "im sorry! im sorry! im sorry!" you frantically repeat. his eyes widen and he screams in pain, you don't look away as you watch him turn to stone; punishing yourself. you made that bed, now you lay in it.

you stayed on the floor holding kaitos head until sunrise.

once you stood up, you analyzed the landscape and came to the conclusion that he had ripped off the demons head with his bare hands, his hands still having blood on them, and had made eye contact with the first demon slayers partner; turning her to stone, evident in the way her body stayed in a fighting position. mistaking him for a demon, her partner beheaded him, which led to the events that followed. you gently placed kaitos head down and lifted his limp body to drag him onto a bed of flowers near by. once you did you placed his head next to him and let the last few tears out. you grabbed the demon slayers and placed them near his body, gently, and placed yours and kaitos prayer beads around their neck.

.

"this is fucking sick." sanemi says. tengen looks at kaitos body and then the two slayers statues. "how disturbing.." he sighs. Sanemi looks at tengen, "so, what do you think this is?" tengen crosses his arms and looks at the scene again. "a demon, 's the only explanation." sanemi rolls his eyes, "Yeah, no shit. but what kind. we need to have an idea of what we're dealing with. we were sent to investigate and all you can conlcude is 'demon!'" tengen grunts and shrugs, scratching his head. "we won't know until we face it. for now, its just a demon that has the ability to turn people to stone." sanemi kicks Kaitos body, "and this?" tengen, not being able to think of anything shrugs at sanemi. sanemi hums to himself, "it might have the ability to turn humans into gorgon like creatures, having them do its dirty work,i mean.." sanemi pauses to pick up kaitos head from his dead snakes and holds it up for tengen to see. "snakes" tengen says. "well he's not a demon, he was beheaded and his bodies here, so he could be an extension that won't die until the main body does." tengen says, too serious for his liking he continues. "unflashy way to die if you ask me." sanemi stares tengen down and tengen laughs. "let's take this back, we need the others opinions as well." they make their way back to the headquarters to have another pillar meeting.

you spent what felt like years hiding in the forests, but it was only a few months. you only ever snuck into villages during the night to take food and maintain your hygiene, laying low for the rest of the time unknowingly giving people more reason to think of you as a demon and keeping the demon slayer corps on their feet. no matter what, the only evidence they had to go off of was village peoples words. there was too many people confirming you existed, but not enough proof that you were actually there. after those two slayers; they hadn't seen any more of people turning to stone, just stolen food and a shadowed figure with snakes sticking out of their silhouette. you weren't a danger to them. 'for now' they said. The master had decided to send a final order on your matter, to keep an eye out for you and if you were seen to behead you. You were no longer being scouted for, nor investigated, so you used this as your chance to freely wander around the forest as pleased, allowing yourself to indulge in the lushness of the earth. Kaito would've liked all of this.

it was lonely for the longest time, you hadn't used your voice in months and the forest became your home. you walked in its paths as a lonely soul, having forgotten the sound of kaitos and your grandmothers voice, so there was nothing to hold onto in those dark moments, deciding to allow yourself to get hurt by demons that crossed your path and only running when you heard foreign footsteps or when it got too painful.

.

your heart pumped in your chest, 'is this really what im doing now?' you thought to yourself. the cold wind caressed your sweaty body, cooling you down after your face off with death. the wind was silent, but created soft sounds with the trees leaves near by. you found yourself walking to the singular wisteria tree in the area, it was the biggest you'd seen and it was absolutely gorgeous. your snakes had awoken and they stayed still, a silent way to ask for permission, you giggle and say yes, they can play. they nuzzle your face and you begin to cry, an overwhelming feeling taking over you. you felt heavy weight come off of you as your snakes "stood" to play in the wisteria flowers. you laughed to yourself and let wisteria envelop your figure; finding comfort in such a beautiful sight , completely forgetting exactly what you were running from...

Mitsuri abruplty stops her chase, causing Gyomei to stop with her. "Kanroji?" Gyomei asks. she looks over at you as your engulfed in wisteria, completely fine, she stutters a little before getting her sentence out, "she's completely engulfed in wisteria, she seems completely fine." she gasps when she sees you grab into the flowers and cry, "she's grabbing it even, it's doing nothing to her! are we sure she's a demon?" Gyomei hums, "it's the only valid explaination Kanroji, she must be more powerful than we thought if she can withstand the wisteria." Mitsuri shakes her head, "No, Himejima! theres no way she's a demon. No matter what, demons experience effects from the flowers, if she only hurt three people, she's weak enough for it to paralyze her!" Gyomei nods, "i see." he states. They stay there and they debate their next move. "we must find a way to take her to the master." he says, Mitsuri hums in agreement, "should we just.." she pauses, "how are we going to do that.." Gyomei thinks for a moment, hearing your laughter causes thin tears to cascade over his face, "it sounds so innocent, so full of life" he thinks. "are you okay Gyomei?" mitsuri asks, he nods, "it's just because of her laughter." mitsuri quietly lets an 'oh' escape her, she always forget's that the smallest things can make him cry. she looks over at you and she can hear it too, she wonders how you can be so happy and caught in the moment. "mitsuri?" she looks over at gyomei, "Yes?" He turns his heaed to the sound of her voice, "can you describe her to me?" she smiles, "ofcourse, gyomei!" she takes you in and begins to speak after a moment. "She has many really long black snakes on her head, like hair it seems..and they're playing in the wisteria. beautiful eyes, ones that glow in a way similar to the moon. other than that, she looks completely human, as far as I can tell. she's wearing a black kimono, with small detailings that match the color of her eyes." she stares at gyomei expectingly, and smiles. "thankyou mitsuri" he says. she hums fondly as a way to say your welcome, and goes back to looking at you. she and gyomei begin to walk towards you, trying to stay far enough so that you don't get scared and so that you don't harm them. you hear mitsuri sheathe her blade and your head snaps to her, her snakes quickly snapping back onto your head and closing their eyes, going back to their usual resting state. you step back and cover your eyes, holding your free arm out. "no!" you scream, voice hoarse from lack of usage. "please," you get on your knees, "if i.." you let out a shakey breath, "if we make eyecontact, you will turn to stone." your lips quiver, and gyomei hears the almost silent whimper you let out. mitsuri steps back and looks away, urging gyomei to follow suit, instead, he plants himself in place. mitsuri isn't afraid, she just wants to make you feel safe enough so that you'll allow her to take you to Ubuyashiki. "does it apply to those who are blind?" he asks, and you calm down at the softness in his voice. "i don't want to find out." you say, and you panic as he removes your hand from your eyes. you gasp and shut your eyes. "she has her eyes shut Himejima.." mitsuri states. he closes his eyes, "my eyes are closed, you can look at me." you open one day to look at him, and it's then when you realize how much bigger he is than when you first saw him. he unexpectedly opens his eyes, and you panic at first, noting how he doesn't move, but then you realize he has no pupils. "so it must not apply to the blind then." he says, tears escape your eyes, "i guess not.." you say. you indulge in the moment, and carefully place your hands on his face, giving him an out. he doesn't move. "you.." you begin, your voice wavering. "i can look you safely in the eyes." you exhale a laugh in disbeleif and smile. he smiles back, being able to hear your smile. "you can." mitsuri softly says, trying her hardest to not look you in the eyes, and suddenly, your no longer conscious.

.

your body lays infront of them in the shaded area of the garden as four demon slayers keep their blades pointed at your neck. the pillars talking among each other, some bickering about what they think you are, as they wait for the master to make his appearance. "we had it under control!" mitsuri states, the lower ranked demon slayer huffs. "didn't seem like it. the sun was coming up and we needed to get that demon to the master before the sun killed it." gyomei sighs, "you are mistaken, she's not a demon. the wisteria would have paralyzed her if she was" mitsuri nods and huffs. the kakushi near by hits the demon slayer in the head. "watch how you talk to the hashira!" you wake up and gasp as one of the blade inchs close to your neck. you catch yourself before you look up at the demon slayer and push your head down, causing the other blade to dig intself into your neck. letting out a yelp, it silences all the hashira. they quickly look above their heads to avoid making eyecontact and meet eyes with gyomei. He can't see you, but he can hear you well enough to know where you are and looks your way regardless. you keep your eyes locked on gyomei.

.

after a very long meeting,not everyone is fond of you. you are a danger, a small mistake will lead to bigger ends. but gyomei still insists that you aren't, explaining what he knows to his comrades, trying to get them to understand. once the meeting ends, and you apologize to the master for having turned two of his children to stone. he gives you his condolonces for losing your brother, and you decide to stay where you were and face the wall. you weren't demon, but you might as well have been one, atleast then they'd have a reason to get rid of you, atleast then they won't feel like they'll have to watch out for you for the rest of their time in the corps. you couldn't go to the villages, but you couldn't stay out in the forest, you were split. Ubuyashiki decided to have you be under Shinobu's care, since she seemed the most levelheaded in the situation. She agreed, as long as the master gave her time to prepare the butterfly girls and until she knew enough about you. he agreed.

gyomei sits next to you, to keep you company he says. and you both sit there for awhile. just enjoying each others presence. you hum a lullaby softly, and you both stay in silence until the end of it. once you stop, gyomei speaks up. "what is it you said you were?" he asks softly, trying to keep the peaceful atmosphere. "a gorgon" you say, and he hums. "i see." you snicker at that, "no you don't". and you cover your mouth, you had forgotten he wasn't your friend, it might be seen as rude. you open your mouth to apologize and he laughs. "i'll give you that one, that was hilarious!" he calms down and clears his throat. "it's not often that people joke with me, especially about my sight. they fear they'll hit a nerve if they do." you breathe out, "i just thought i did.." he hums and smiles. "stone breather, they said," you start, you hesitate, "do you like, breathe real stone?" he snickers. "i'll explain it to you, if you explain your eyes and hair to me." you giggle and shake his hand in a flimsy manner, "deal!" you say.

"are they just, staring at a wall?" Obanai says. Mitsuri shakes her head quickly, "no, they're falling in love!" he nods to her as a way to say 'okay, whatever you say' and she walks infront of Obanai. "just wait!" she perks up, "you should've seen them when we first found her!" she puts her hands on her cheeks and fondly smiles at the memory. Obanai shifts in place and changes the subject, them both walking away as they leave you and gyomei.

[wordsandrobots]

This week I appear to be thinking about my motivation for writing.

Specifically, I should say, for writing fanfic, although there is crossover with my forays into original works. And I started by thinking about the various times I've lost motivation for various projects, because the negative is occasionally a useful way of gauging the positive.

My Fullmetal Alchemist 2003 series Life After Equivalence represents the longest-running stretch of fanfic writing I've engaged in. I started it during my second year at university, right after watching the anime for the first time. A continuation of that continuity post-Conqueror of Shambala, it started out with what in retrospect was a fairly clunky set of plot-devices, but I'm rather proud of where it went. While recognising what an excellent piece of story-telling the manga is, I've always found more to engage me in the anime's adaptation. I think Dante is a fascinatingly shallow villain and what it does with the homunculi is deliciously horrific (in the genre sense). I greatly enjoyed think about where everyone could go next, particularly the more world-weary anime!Ed, and inventing new supporting cast for them as well as bringing more manga characters into the mix (sometimes in quite twisted ways). So much so that I was writing new fics for it as recently as 2021.

The problem is, working on an idea for over a decade and a half means that you're not the same person you were when you started. I have learnt and grown a lot in that time, as a writer and in general. I gradually became increasingly at odds with the original concept for where that story was heading and as much as I tried to change direction and salvage the plot, I don't think I can. Not comfortably. The sense that what I'd started was riddled with conceptual mistakes has gotten stronger and stronger, making it very hard to pick up again. I think as an author, you have to have confidence in your ideas, to properly sell them, and with this, I've lost that.

With my most fully-formed Transformers epic, This Is How It All Began, the explanation has more to do with a gradual failure of interest in the source material. It's not that I was ever beholden to canon with that story; it was an attempt to retell things using the elements I really liked, my own personal 'G1' redux. But as the Transformers franchise has ossified around that first generation of characters to the exclusion of any real innovation, there doesn't seem much point continuing. I can't explore someone else's worlds without them engaging me and Transformers increasingly didn't.

Nor can I write from spite, when the source 'lets me down'. Untitled Alternative Episode Nine represents me grappling with where I wanted the Star Wars sequels to go. I love The Force Awakens and The Last Jedi, as a story in which characters who think they know what their role is gradually learn better as the whole thing goes careering off the rails. There was tremendous potential in their tale, and sadly I knew at the time it would likely be squandered. But I didn't realise when I started working on this fic that The Rise of Skywalker would be such a sprawling shambles, about-facing on the promise of finally pushing Star Wars beyond rigidly defined stock arcs so hard, it felt like poor comedy. Increasingly, my story became framed by repudiating that re-enclosure, by the desire to get it right.

And while I still think my version -- where the First Order rips itself to bits in a power struggle between Kylo Ren and General Hux, where the Knights of Ren are actual characters, the remaining lost Jedi students, and Rey, Finn, Po and Rose all get the chance to work towards a future free of the endless, circular struggle set by the 'main characters' of the galaxy -- is a better story than the one we got, it doesn't change anything. I'm not really fixing anything and by defining my work as *not that*, I limit my own joy in it. I'm not in conversation with something I love but rather shouting into the void, to no great end. Once again, I couldn't see the point in continuing. Especially with the ongoing Star Wars media increasingly feeling like an exercise in box-ticking, as bad as anything the old Expanded Universe ever produced for sheer pointlessness. At least the older spin-offs occasionally got super weird. Live-action cartoons do not really offer space for that, sadly.

Then there are the times my motivation has been directly killed. Chris Chibnall's tenure as show-runner on Doctor Who, abruptly ending my longest-lasting fandom for me, as another promise of widening potential was squandered on dull, miserable, derivative ideas. That one Captain Harlock fic I was having a lot of fun with until someone came along to be extremely pedantic in the comments and struck a nerve so hard, I flat-out lost all the enthusiasm I had for the idea. Bad experiences that meant continuing or going back was too hard to contemplate. This is how it goes sometimes.

So. Invert all that:

Enthusiasm for an idea -- and more importantly, confidence in it.

Positive engagement, the feeling that I have something to say and that it is worth saying about this thing.

The sense I am not fighting the source material but playing with it, spinning it out in interesting ways, making merry with the rules of the canon.

And I can't count out the benefit of having good interactions over what I write; for all I am a fundamentally compulsive writer, I delight in knowing my work can touch others, in being told that it is good and a worthwhile expenditure of my effort.

All stuff I already knew, I think. But it's sometimes worth reflecting on what pushes you to create art and this -- this all makes sense.

Now if I could just leverage these things at will, I'd be unstoppable.

[the-owl-tree]

oh my GOD I love your isekai warriors au.... I love that the isekai trope is becoming a lot more popular, especially in anime... please tell me more about it!!

shaking ur hand rn hello fellow isekai anime/other mediums fan :3c FIRST lemme go on my tangent about this genre and my main inspo because wow this got way too long lol

isekai is total comfort food for me haha it's my go to genre of manga/manwha/webcomic reading whenever i'm feeling down and while i generally feel the genre is getting bloated and somewhat stale in anime, i still enjoy it quite a bit. It's a cute idea with a lot of potential, i just wish less of the shows went for the wish fulfillment route of things since we have so many by now.

mine is very inspired by a lot of korean manwha style stories in which the protag gets trapped in a show/game/book/etc. and has to deal with it, specifically what if you became the villain of a story. A lot of them play off the trope of the one dimensional evil villainess and how an average person would have to deal with coming into the body of someone like that and dealing with consequences. That, or it's the tragic villain, someone's who's life is marred by tragedy usually of their own doing.

The most interesting ones are those that play on how character archetypes would actually work in the story. The cold bad boy is just a shitty abusive guy, the shy guy who follows the girl is kind of a stalker, and so on.

One of my bigger inspirations was a plotline that also stuck out to me: a teen girl who died too soon and got reincarnated as the mother of the protagonist. obviously she has no clue what to do, she's a kid who wants to go home! And the only way she thinks she can is by ensuring the story goes as planned (and this of course is doomed from the start, unbeknownst to her, the villain is a reincarnater too and has already made tremendous changes). She dies and the reader never knows if she gets to go home or not. It's kind of this rough around the edges gem of an idea that I love and obviously had to steal for myself.

note for anyone getting intrigued by my descriptions uh a lot of these stories tend to be pretty shallow in their exploration. this subgenre consists a lot more of wish fulfillment/revenge fantasies comparatively to like a deep dive of "oh my god i've fucked up the narrative". Not to say they don't have interesting ideas! many are super interesting. just like. temper your expectations if you're going in

originally the story was gonna be set in a canon arc but that felt boring so i decided to just make up a whole story for it

The story is meant to be a (loving) poke at old fanfiction, common tropes in the aforementioned subgenre of isekai, and just a general ""cliche"" Warriors series (in the human universe here, I figured it's call Battlers/Battle Cats or something stupid lmao). In this story, Frostblaze is born into [ONE OF THE FOUR FAKE CLANS I HAVENT FIGURED OUT NAMES YET IM SORRY]. She's the born to an unnamed mother who tragically died of illness when she was just a young baby and has no clue who her father is.

She's isolated from her peers due to her eyes which some believe are an omen of her unnaturality. This only worsens when she is apprenticed to their Clan leader and causes Honeypaw, the daughter of the Clan leader, to become enraged with jealousy. She is one of Frostpaw's worst tormentors in the early parts of the book and eventually, during a battle, tries to off Frostpaw herself....but is killed by Frostpaw's love interest, the dashing and handsome (if a bit stupid) Eaglepaw of [INSERT RIVAL CLAN HERE].

The two hit it off (Honeypaw is an after thought at this point) and work together to stop the eeevviilll leader of uuhh eviiiiilll clan. They win, live happily ever after, Frost is actually their Clan leader's daughter and Honeypaw is her half-sister and blah blah blah.

At least, they're supposed to. Honeypaw, out hunting, is hit by a truck at the same time a human is. Human wakes up as a cat about to be buried because everyone thinks Honeypaw is dead and freaks the fuck out.

A lot of the plot points are kind of just me working through my gripes of the subgenre lmao:

"the person who is reincarnated is more adept and cool and better than their character and everyone loves them" -> Honey is awkward, neurotic, and can come off as rude to those who don't know her. Even her coolest trait, her wrestling ability, is off-putting because oh my god why are you putting a cAT IN A SPIDER GUARD THEIR SPINES DON'T BEND LIKE THAT HONEY PUT HIM BACK TO NORMAL-

She reread the story before she died but, because she has no pen, no paper, and sadly of all, no thumbs, she's unable to write it down to keep remembering it when she gets sent to this world. It's awful and she desperately wishes she had thumbs back.

she stands on two legs, makes weird comments alluding to being a human, and just is a bit of a weirdo. Honeypaw was isolated for being mean, Honey is isolated for making everyone uncomfortable (unintentionally). However, her isolation allows her to slip under the radar and do some more investigating, as she's noticed that some of the details in the story aren't adding up...

The story is strange and the characters aren't as she remembers now that they're in the flesh. Of course, her main priority is to thwart Honeypaw's assassination attempts, the spirit being intent that the way to get her body back is if she dies again. It's only from a near death experience that they realize that that's not gonna work and have to work together to change the story so they don't die!

and, as many people have pieced together, they're not alone.

[chacharoni]

end of 2024 ramblings

I haven't really made a proper post here in ages, so here's me rambling about things I really enjoyed in 2024, primarily animations but also some other media and ttthings.

Asks/comments regarding this post are very welcome, thank you and I hope you enjoy reading!

Sailor Moon

Starting off with this, as of this year (2024) I have finally watched the whole show (and I'm slowly reading the manga too). I will be talking about some spoilers so do skip the Sailor Moon section if you don't want to read them.

My only real exposure to the Sailor Moon series prior to this year, was trying to watch it on TV as a kid, but to no avail as it aired in ungodly early hours of the morning… and I suppose all the art and memes that I would later stumble upon online from time to time. So my thoughts prior to watching it summed up to 'Sailor Moon is a classic and its cultural impact is tremendous' and 'it also has lesbians I guess?'.

Needless to say Sailor Moon is, similtaneously way more and way less than I expected.

There's so much that can be said about the anime adaptation and its differences from the manga. I'm personally of two hearts on the matter, I don't like how the manga's stories were dismissed for not having a broader appeal, but I enjoyed the extra content of the anime more often than not.

While the anime expands on the manga in a very repetitive manner by sticking to a 'monster of the week' format, causing plotlines to stay flat for too long or even rolling back on plot progress made on occasion, it manages to flesh out a lot of characters way more than their manga counterparts.

A side effect of that also being that some characters get stories that conflict the manga canon to an unrecognizable degree, but that's usually not a bad thing.

Examples of positive change (in my very honest opinion) are evil twink Zoisite and Koan's survival and redemption arc. I loved these two characters a lot so I was glad to see them stick around for as long as they did. Sure Zoi could have done without the hints of homophobia baked into his character and Koan should REALLY REALLY NOT have been de-gothifyed around the end of her story relevance, but no point crying over 30 year old spilt milk I guess…

My overall watch experience through season 1 and up until the end of season 2 was mostly curiocity satisfied. 'This show is history and that's why I should watch it' was my main drive. Despite the fun parts, the first two seasons did get somewhat boring and I wasn't very font of either plotline.

(My knowledge of the manga also rans out by the end of with these two arcs so I have little to comment on the differences between the two versions past this.)

Nothing really prepared me for the director change that happens for Season 3. A difference that can be felt from the very first animated frames of this arc and especially in the world shaking impact the 'sailor moon lesbians' have on the story, through the character conflict they bring on the table.

I love Sailor Moon season 3 more than anything I've watched this year (and I watched a LOT of really great shows).

Nothing quite made me feel like a child watching my favourite show on TV impatient to see my favourite character show up again like this season managed to.

Haruka Tenou is the best Sailor Moon character and this is a fact, not just my poor little guy honest opinion. I'm incredibly happy to have been blessed with a director that was aware of this fact too and did all in his power to let her shine as much as she did.

Haruka and Michiru's presence in the show brings intrigue and investment in the plot that was sorely lacking in the seasons prior. They're also a vast improvement to the rom-com aspects of the show, with how they make the rest of the sailors soldiers question their sexuality.

So yeah… I really loved this season, it only kinda disappointed me at the very end because it gets vague and anti-climatic. From research I did, that seems to have been the fault of studio execs, so I'm more mad in behalf of the director than anything.

Sailor Moon s3 walked and fell on its face so Utena could run basically.

I don't really have many more thoughts on Sailor Moon. Season 4 was well directed, but I hardly cared about Chibiusa and her horse bf. It had no Haruka, like at all, so that was a massive downgrade. It was still better than s1 and s2 though.

Season 5 was the other Good One imo, what it does with the guardian lore is pretty cool and Seiya was a fun character. Also Haruka comes back for this one and she's still great despite the different directors, so this is my second favourite season.

Anyway, I'm kinda scared to start reading arc three in the manga because I heard they're quite different. I hope I like manga!Haruka too…

Wakfu Season 4

Hrm, we're back here huh.

So Wakfu season 4 was good, great, amazing and then also bad in very predictable ways.

I have been actively holding myself from commenting on it before. Specifically because I think some of the frustration I have vented about this show before was a tad vitriolic and I'm not happy with it anymore.

But it's been years since then. I've changed and grown a lot (for the better I'm hoping) and Wakfu and its primary author also have undergone changes of their own, so no harm in going back in and talking about the new season, right?

Wakfu season 4 starts a new leaf for the direction of the show. The brotherhood of the forgotten is promptly send their way in the first episode so we can dive in the new story at hand.

I will be honest I expected nothing at all going into this, negative, positive or otherwise, which is why I was quite pleasantly surprised at first.

The first few episodes are pretty good, the general direction of the show is very solid, telling the story at hand in a more competent manner than the unfortunate s3 had prior.

The new characters introduced are very intriguing, especially the Eliatrope goddess and Torross. The animation is incredible, which is to be expected frankly, Wakfu always had good animation, but its no lie this season went a bit harder than usual. Nora's journey and the Eliatrope Goddess backstory sequence are still in my mind months later.

While I've never really been in love with the main characters, I did like the changes made to them and their dynamics in contrast to the slog that was s3.

The direction of the story also managed to keep me invested in them, at least up to the point where it seemed the big bad was going to get pummeled not with an 'EPIC BATTLE OF EPIC PROPORTIONS' but simple sticks and stones for a change.

But sadly as soon as that possibility faded from the horizon, so did my attention.

A glaring problem with this season for me is that a few too many of the plot threads laid out have been left aside for a later one/different potential stories. Because of this some characters just go in directions that I don't particularly feel made for a compelling continuation or exit from their established stories.

I'm not really happy with what the mechasm was dragged in to contribute to the narrative at all. I was super stoked to see it but it was massive a let down it just gets reduced to a power source to replace the eliacube…. The eliasphere…… My god, this just fucking sucks, ESPECIALLY so if that's supposed to be the point, why go out of the way to glorify Qilby's actions this time around, come the fuck on.

(The showdown between them was pretty cool though and it was incredibly funny Qilby had that one sexist line towards the mechasm around the end, what the fuck is wrong with him?? good god)

Aspargone was way way better characterized this season, her 'gaslight, gatekeep, feed the orphans' shtick is funny as hell. I was just not pleased she didn't get to have proper closure with Ruel. I don't think their story needs to drag on further than this season and I kinda hope it doesn't.

Torross was cool but does not feel like he was dealt with in any meaningful way. I understand he has to stay alive because he needs to exist and show up across the games that are set in the past or future of the story in s4, but I find that a flimsy excuse for the underwhelming finale.

Yugo doesn't seem to have learned anything meaningful from him, just has potential to reflect upon what happened in a future story and that just doesn't feel like a satisfying ending to all this. (Oropo bringing some arguement in the narrative against Yugo acquiring more power doesn't matter to me. There has not been one instance of Oropo trying to fix things that was good or benefited anyone at all and he's also boring as hell and I don't give a shit what he has to say.)

I'm also somewhat annoyed that Torross's backstory is as vague as it is cause it's quite interesting and I wanted to know more about what sort of place his planet used to be. Why does it only seem to have hosted three gods etc etc.

Nora's demise was another let down. She was the character I was most invested in and I was really hoping she would be added to the main cast.

Like, finally we get an eliatrope who's actually grown on me, her design was made to cater to me specifically and she has A LOT of potential character development she could undergo laid out and… She just gets canned end of the season?

I will only reconsider my frustration over this if she comes back in the future somehow, sheesh. :v

Eliatrope is the character I was most pleased with (while not my fave, I think she's the most well-rounded). It's very cool how she has an air of uncanniness to her that never quite leaves no matter how much of wet puppy she acts at times. I don't believe her side of the story is all there is to it and again, while I'm not happy it was left for another arc, I hope whatever we get about the gods' lore lives up to the unease she's build up.

Pinpin is the character I have the most mixed feelings about. He's back to be the amicable doofus he used to be, which is great and he's now kinda(?) better taking in that he's a grown man with a wife and three kids.

His character development is not unwelcome, same as Yugo's, I'm glad they're not being little dipshits anymore, but I feel like that change has come out of left field a bit.

We never get to see what drove either character to mellow out of the negative growth they've undergone in the OVAs and S3. And yeah it's good Pinpin finally got around to telling Eva, his wife that he has three kids with, that he loves her for the first time in their relationship, but holy shit that sucks so fucking much. I feel so bad for Eva.

So yeah, I think this season was way way better than last one. Not enough that I'm wholly in love with it, but I think some of the ways it failed for me won't be present for a future season.

The 'brotherhood of the tofu' in my opinion should be left behind to tell different stories about different characters in this universe, cause they're not particularly compelling, and especially Eva/Pinpin and their kids really feel like screentime that would be better used on other characters.

They could work better as assisting characters, you know? It might help a lot with their screentime quality if what development they get is more purposeful and measured.

Overall this season really felt like it was setting up for a future one to its own detriment. More focus should have been placed in making this a great season that can stand on its own two feet and be watched individually, than a season that is leaking plots left and right in favor of the transmedia narrative.

A good balance between those two has not been reached yet, but it feels closer in this season than it was before… I really hope if and whenever a new show or season comes out, I'll be pleasantly surprised once again.

Vocaloids, figures and other escapades

So I've ventured back into Vocaloid recently and it's been quite interesting to see how the fandom around them has changed since I was last here. Main reason for my return is that I've gotten into collecting figures, specifically Mikus, insane how there's like a bazillion of them btw, and that got me curious about Vocaloids again.

While the fandom is still going strong, it is, at least in terms of global marketing, wholly under Miku's chokehold. A fact that I don't like so much frankly, it would be nice if more vocaloids, none-crypton vocaloids, got their time in the spotlight too. But anyway...!

Here's my most favorite figure I got this year!

I bought her secondhand earlier this year. She was super cheap cause her standing leg was slightly damaged and coming off where it connected to her leotard. Gluing her back was a bit of a challenge but I pulled through and now she looks good as new!

I really like her outfit and expression here and I think its of her best figures for its price range… It's just good, I love it a lot.

Also, Vocaloid unrelated, by I have nowhere else to put this, please look at this tiny ass Haruka keychain I got……

She's so tiny I had to leave her hanging on my pinboard, I'm scared that if I put her on my keys with the rest of my keychains she'll be obliterated within a couple of days. And if anything happens to her I'll kill everyone in this room etc etc.

I really wish Haruka got more figures, esp of her civilian outfits. All her figures that I actually like are sadly garage kits that I have no way of getting….

Merch aside, I did my first cosplay in over 10-15 (idr?) years for comic con! And it was not a poorly thought out closet cosplay this time (I did still replace some parts of it with clothes I had I thought better fit what the outfit is supposed to look like a bit better). I've been slowly gathering this outfit for a year or so and finally I was able to go as Kenshi Yonezu's Sand Planet Miku. I had already decided the cosplay would be a Miku and his music was the reason I first got into vocaloids so... it was only fitting I would start with this one, it's one of my most favourite of his Miku designs.

Cosplaying was something I enjoyed way more than I expected to and I might try to get my hand on more costumes in the future (I have my eyes on Haruka in her mustard suit as a possible next one, but only time will tell if I actually do that one)

Despite how fun it is however, the public interactions that cosplaying encourages are a bit of a strain on my social anxiety, no matter how pleasant they have been so far. I don't plan to stop because of this but fingers crossed I'll get better about it in the future.

Anyway to close the vocaloid segment here's some bangers that came out this year that I really love:

Monitoring by Deco*27

I'll be honest I'm a bit lukewarm on some of Deco's songs, even if it's incredible how he uses Miku and I'm amazed how far he's come as a producer. Him swapping out of using Gumi for Miku and then even re-releasing Mozaik Role with Miku is an affront to me specifically and I will never forgive him for that.

That being said he really ate with this one, fantastic song, I love the MV so much.

Donut Hole by Hachi

We are SO BACK!! Not a new song by any stretch of the imagination, but the MV for it sure is new and also the first vocaloid related post we have gotten from Kenshi Yonezu in years. I'm kinda livid about it also, I love the new designs for the girls and how chainsawman-esque it is! I'm also pretty sure that's SF-A2 Miki as the villain and Kaai Yuki as the child character which just really makes me happy...

I don't know if this means more of his old songs have the potential to receive an animated MV, I hope it does, but if not I'm super happy we got this one at least.

Awoo by Van de Shop

This song was an entry for the Project Voltage event that happened late last year/start of this (2023-2024) and I love everything about it. The art is insanely beautiful, it's ghost pokemon themed (based), very catchy and it really makes me nostalgic of my early days in the fanbase.

I love this song a lot and this producer is nuts for using Meiko this well, I'm honestly impressed.

Intergalactic Bound by Yunosuke & CircusP

This one I'm a bit ambivalent about, I don't quite like the commercial-ness it emits but... It's a pretty good song and I really love the MV and the designs Miku has here, especially the last one. It's a very fitting song to celebrate the 10th Miku Expo and since I did attend that, this song is very special to me...

Now for Some Youtube recs!

I'll have to plug in Toaster first and his insane ability to make an incredible amount of Let's Plays. Thanks to his channel I've been able to get to experience a lot of games I don't really have the time to go through myself. He's doing whole series runs of games like Castlevania, Silent Hill, Panzer Dragoon, Zone of the Enders and many, MANY more.

His Up Late With 'X' videos are also very insightful reviews of the series he talks about in them and I really recommend them.

Also if you're like me and you like to watch all the videos on a channel you've just found and you loved, I wish you godspeed cause I have been defeated in this game for the first time OTL....

Ben G Thomas is a paleontology channel that covers a variety of discoveries from dinosaurs, to sharks, to worms, to weird fucked up shrimps both old and historic ones and recent ones. I have learned a lot from this channel so it's very dear to me, and I'm glad to slowly be brainwashed to actually remember the names of species etc.

Also one of this channel's segments, 7daysofscience, that covers more broad weekly science news was recently moved to its own channel, so check that out too if you're interested!

Ok, now I started following a CJ th X while ago because their videos are very very entertaining and they post banger after banger not gonna lie. 'Noface is an Incel' honestly improved the way I viewed that character, sure its been a really long time since I saw that movie but I don't think I had really ever considered this angle. Another I really like is the more recent 'How Jordan Peterson's Suits Taught Me Fashion', this video has a lot of interesting things to say about the social aspects of gender and I'm honestly very here for it.

And that's all, I'm glad I got to the end of writing all this and if you read up to here, thank you for sticking along!

[mydisenchantedeulogy]

Too Soon [Ishigami Senku]

A/n: takes place during Season 1 Episode 5 in the anime and Chapter 11 in the manga. Please enjoy.

Warning(s): teenage romance, character death, hurt, comfort, near death experience, murder, soft-hearted OC.

No Minors Allowed!!

Tendrils of pain crept up Nozomi's side as she tried to match Taiju's pace. The brute was just too fast, gathering sticks for a fire. 

Moments ago, three smoke signals went into the air in response to their gunpowder mess-up; Taiju nearly killed them, but in his defense, Senku miscalculated his strength. Each one of them was in a rush to keep the controlled fire that was created by the incident going. 

"Do you think this is enough?" Nozomi asked with a brow raised as she managed to catch up to Taiju.

"It should be," he answered. "We should head back." 

With a tired sigh, Nozomi followed him back to the mountain. She couldn't wait to see who else was on the receiving end of the signals. For months she thought she and Senku were the only people able to break from their stone prisons, but today changed everything. 

As she neared the mountain she heard a sudden shout. Taiju paused for a moment, allowing her the chance to catch up.

"You heard that too?" She asked. 

"It sounded like–"

Suddenly he tossed the sticks aside and raced up the mountain faster than before. Nozomi feared the worst. She raced after him, not sure what to expect. 

As she reached the top, the horrific scene before her made her eyes widen. For a moment she stood still, unsure of what she was seeing. Her body was in shock. She watched Taiju catch Senku, sobbing over the latter as he lay motionless in his arms; Tsukasa stood nearby. 

What is this?

"Senku! Come on, man," Taiju begged. "Talk to me… Say something, please!"

Why wasn't he responding? 

Nozomi dropped the bundle of sticks in her arms, ignoring the sharp sound they made as they clattered to the ground, and walked slowly over to her friends.

"He felt no pain," Tsukasa uttered. "And I trust that you, as his friends…will give him a proper burial." 

This was real, wasn't it? Senku was–

A loud sob tore from Nozomi's mouth as sorrow consumed her. She grasped Senku's lifeless hand and allowed herself to cry; his skin was still warm. She might seem weak to Tsukasa but she loved the arrogant genius.

This couldn't be happening. Senku was just fine a little while ago, excited about the idea of someone else on the island besides them. 

And now he's–

From the corner of her eye, Nozomi noticed Taiju narrow his eyes in anger and stood. With tremendous strength, he pulled a large rock from the ground, having to lift it with both hands. Was he planning to strike Tsukasa with it? 

The said teen took a fighting stance with his weapon ready to strike. There was no way Taiju could take him on his own. 

"Don't do this. Please, Taiju," Nozomi begged.

A comforting hand on her shoulder brought her attention to Yuzuriha who shook her head as if to stop her. What was she trying to say? 

"Sorry, Yuzuriha…Nozomi. I just hope that–"

"It's fine, Taiju," Yuzuriha uttered. Tears poured down her face as she smiled. "The four of us promised each other back then. This'll work. I'm sure of it."

Did she mean–

Nozomi widened her eyes. It was insane, but Senku was certain that the gunpowder they made would work against Tsukasa. Each of them made a promise to fight him when the time came. She pulled Senku into her arms and held him tightly; the plan rested with her friends. 

With a shout, Taiju hurled the rock straight up into the air, taking Tsukasa off guard. As it stood watching it above him, Yuzuriha ran toward the pot of gunpowder, tossing it at him.

On instinct, Tsukasa brought out his leg and struck the pot with his foot, shattering it and covering himself with gunpowder. 

"Goodbye Tsukasa!" Taiju shouted. 

The rock fell to the ground and ignited the gunpowder with a spark. A loud explosion shook the area, nearly knocking Nozomi onto her back, if not for Taiju steadying her. She wasn't sure if it would stop Tsukasa or not, but it was enough to provide them with a distraction; she and Yuzuriha gathered the gear while Taiju lifted Senku, quickly escaping into the forest. 

Her muscles were in so much pain, but Nozomi didn't care. She followed Taiju without hesitation, keeping her tear-stained eyes on the one she loved; the one who she vowed to help save humanity, even though her culinary skills were all she had to offer. 

By the time they settled, certain that Tsukasa was not hot on their trails, the sky had opened up, drenching them in the cold rain. It was befitting of the mood, in Nozomi's opinion.

Emptiness had consumed her. She sat on the ground beside Taiju as he worked on Senku, trying to revive him, however, the compressions alone were not enough. As he attempted to breathe into his mouth, Yuzuriha tossed up her hands. 

"Stop! His neck! It's probably best if we don't move him like that!" She exclaimed. "Tsukasa hit him there. Senku sacrificed himself in exchange for my life."

"Senku…sacrificed himself?" Taiju asked in disbelief as if he was uncertain. 

But what about? It wasn't against his nature to sacrifice himself for a friend. 

But to give up his dream and just let Tsukasa kill him isn't the Senku I know. 

"Senku'd never go the suicide route," Taiju suddenly mentioned, proving Nozomi's point. He quickly stood."He'd prevent any sacrifices altogether. He'd bet the whole game on some clever way to save us. Think back, about Senku! We're his friends, so there's gotta be something! Anything! A hint!"

Yuzuriha widened her eyes as if she immediately remembered something.

"His neck. In that moment, Senku was drawing attention to his neck. Maybe he was suggesting that spot for Tsukasa to strike!"

"That wasn't a habit of his! Why'd he keep messing with his neck like that? Making it crack and stuff?" Taiju asked. 

A sudden memory came to mind. 

"Is there something wrong with your neck?" Nozomi asked as she sat down beside Senku near the fire. 

She had noticed him rubbing it countless times since she had emerged from her stone husk. 

"I can massage it if you like."

To emphasize her point, Nozomi wiggled her fingers, laughing at the red hue that bloomed across Senku's face. 

"That's not necessary," he mentioned. Sliding his fingers into the hair at the back of his neck, he showed her the stone that was still attached to him.

"Does it hurt?" Nozomi asked in concern.

She was fortunate not to have leftover stone fragments on her when she broke free, except for cracks around her left ankle and right wrist which reminded her of tattoos.

"Two on the pain level scale," Senku answered with a grin. He rested his hand on the side of his neck and turned his head from side to side until it cracked. "But it's manageable."

Could he have been giving them a hint?

"He still has remnants of stone on his neck," Nozomi uttered. 

Taiju widened his eyes.

"We need to flip him. It's like the remnants Yuzuriha had on her foot. We can use the revival fluid on it."

Yuzuriha supported Senku's head as Taiju turned him. Brushing back the hair at the back of his head, Nozomi showed them where the stone was. 

"Taiju!" Yuzuriha shouted, reaching into one of the bags she carried with her. "Here's the revival fluid!"

The brown-haired teen took the fluid from her and popped the cork, pouring it onto the stone. Within a few seconds, it cracked and fell away. 

"Wake up!" Taiju shouted. "I knew it. I knew you weren't gonna leave us like this! Senku–"

Nozomi tuned out the rest of his words; everything was moving too fast. She leaned down and rested her head against Senku's chest, but she heard nothing. 

Don't leave me…please. 

She promised him that she'd help his dream come true. She promised that she'd wait for him.

Your story can't end here. 

A low thump permeated her ears. Nozomi widened her teary eyes; it was his heart, she was certain. Again and again, she heard it, getting stronger with each beat, then suddenly Senku took a breath. 

The rain that had been pelting down on them began to let up until it ultimately stopped, and even though her friends were concerned that Tsukasa would find them now that the thunder wasn't masking their voices, Nozomi didn't care.

"I won't leave your side. Please, Sen."

An awkward yet comforting hand on her back suddenly made her lurch in fear. Nozomi sat up and glanced down at Senku to see him awake; his eyes were tired but brimming with life. 

Sitting up with a grunt, he grabbed the empty pot and stood.

"Nice job noticing my neck like that, despite only having a crappy hint to help you," Senku mentioned as he touched the spot where the stone had been. "Taiju. Yuzuriha. Nozomi. Ten billion points for the three of you."

This was so like him. 

Before she could move, Nozomi watched the brown-haired brute grab Senku around the waist and squeeze him, earning a shout of pain from the fragile male. 

"At least the other guy only tried cracking my spine and not my whole body," Senku mentioned with a grunt. "Get offa me!"

Somehow he managed to remove Taiju, kicking him onto his back. Once he had straightened his deer hide outfit, he grinned.

"I'm sure you know that I'm not one for a teary thank you…so don't expect one."

Nozomi smiled, despite the tears pouring down her face. She honestly thought that she had lost him.

What would I have done? 

–

It was silent between her and Senku as they walked through the forest toward the location where the first smoke signal was seen. They had parted ways with Taiju and Yuzuriha less than 10 minutes ago and despite the plan, Nozomi was still confused. 

Her nerves had not settled yet. An hour ago she held Senku's lifeless body in her arms; it was too much to process at the moment.

"You've been silent the entire mile we've walked," Senku suddenly mentioned. He glanced over his shoulder, noticing the silent tears pouring down her face. "You need to tell me if there is something on your mind."

He said something similar to her before she came out and admitted that she loved him. But this was different. 

"I can manage," Nozomi uttered with a fake smile. "I'm still shaking from earlier." 

She raised her hand to emphasize her point. 

Senku hummed in response. He paused, then turned, using the stick that he fashioned into a flag pole - displaying a makeshift banner that Yuzuriha designed for him - to lean on. He picked at his ear as he waited for her to explain, not convinced by her answer. 

Nozomi puffed out her cheek in annoyance. With a sigh, she averted her eyes. 

"I just…need a moment. You were dead a while ago. I thought I lost–"

She stopped short, feeling her lip quiver as she remembered what it felt like to see him die; the disbelief and the helplessness of the situation. Tears ran down her face, but all it resulted in was making her more annoyed with herself. 

Nozomi groaned and marched toward Senku, intending to walk past him, but the ombre-haired male grabbed her arm. 

Her mistake was looking at him because the moment she did, she broke down, wrapping her arms around herself for comfort as she sobbed. 

"I'm not one for sentiments," Senku mentioned with a sigh. He opened his arms a bit. "But if it helps."

Nozomi wanted to but she knew how Senku felt about close encounters. She was surprised that he even let her kiss him in the tree fort.

"You don't…need to do that." 

"Eh! So, you don't want to hug me?" Senku asked. 

Nozomi narrowed her eyes. This wasn't fair. 

Closing the gap between them, she slid her arms around his waist and rested her cheek against his shoulder. Senku didn't return the hug, but she understood the reason. For a few moments, she stood like this, crying until she felt better. 

"It would have been smarter for me to have gone with Taiju and Yuzuriha."

"10 billion percent," Senku agreed. "But I need you for this next part, and judging by what Tsukasa knows about you, it would seem suspicious if you agreed to join him after my death."

Nozomi understood. 

"He knows that I love you."

Senku tensed in response, humming to confirm her statement. 

"And based on 1 scenario, I know that he won't be wary of Taiju and Yuzuriha."

Nozomi raised a brow. 

"1 scenario"

"Tsukasa will think that you went out on your own; you'd rather take your chances with nature than team up with the person who murdered the one you loved, despite whatever arguments your friends put up. It's reckless and just the sort of action he'd assume a scorned lover would make," Senku explained. 

She wasn't the irrational type, but he was right. Tsukasa didn't expect Yuzuriha to be a threat; he wouldn't consider Nozomi to be one either, so he'd never search for her, thinking she'd be throwing a tantrum somewhere. 

At least this clears things up. 

Nozomi sighed; her warm breath brought goosebumps to the male's arms. 

"And we can move freely to search for our mystery group without him interfering."

"For now," Senku confirmed. "He'll send someone to check 10 billion percent but with your perfect acting, you'll be able to convince whoever he sends that I'm rotting in hell."

Nozomi puffed out her cheeks in annoyance. 

"That's giving me too much credit."

Senku grinned. He knew that she'd do great. Despite how tense he was, he raised his arm and put it on her lower back; her body radiated a warmth that he found pleasant. 

"We need to move."

Nozomi understood. She tightened her arms around him briefly, then let him go, stepping back. Her face was warm with embarrassment. 

I'm happy that you're OK. 

[regarding-stories]

The Quintessential Quintuplets movie (it's bad...)

So, I was really hyped and a bit scared about watching The Quintessential Quintuplets Movie on release day, and it was not a rewarding experience. Or rather, it was a decent movie for an hour and then it dive-bombed.

The cinema was one of the smaller ones in the cineplex and I'd say maybe forty people attended? I'm bad at guessing, but I think I heard a similar number when they counted the audience for a raffle. Guess what? After they let the proverbial cat out of the bag (not the raffle, the love interest resolution), two groups of in total five people left. I guess like me they hadn't known the resolution, either, and weren't thrilled.

So, spoilers going forward.

Delay tactics

The first thing we get is a trip to the pool together, and here's a first feeling of weirdness. Miku presents herself not only in a comparatively revealing bikini top... and remember, this is Miku:

So, she also teases Futaro with pulling her shoulder strap down. I was wondering if this was teasing a new streak in her? Or was it just gratuitous and out-of-character?

Itsuki wins the draw and gets to slide with Futaro, so I make a little mental check mark on her card. If you pay attention, Itsuki has been showcased a lot in the show in spots suggesting she will win the race.

What happens next is another hour of delay tactics. There's another school event, a three day festival where the school invites outsiders for fun and games. Futaro declares he loves them all (which was nice) and delays his decision to the end of the festival because he can't make up his mind. (Here we go again, final round.)

Miku impresses me then by her change. She asks Futaro on a date. In fact, she asks, in her usual way, something more forthright: Go with me - basically the "be my boyfriend" sentence. Remember, in the series she already said "I want you to take responsibility." which is another way of saying "be me boyfriend," then played for laughs. (The sentence used to mean "You impregnated me / took my virginity. I'm essentially damaged goods in this society. Now follow up with some responsibility." But apparently it's now only used for jokes in manga/anima - see also its use in "Uncle from Another World".) But then she takes a step back and modifies it with "Go with me on a date."

After this bit comes the actual meat of this movie, but the meat is salami. Because they cut yet another slice (in German "Salamitaktik" can mean to delay something or get the most out of it) of the same kind. We see how the festival goes in general, then get to see each heroines way through it, and then finally the girls force a resolution at the end.

But before we get there, we see also how each of the girls steals a kiss in their story. Incoming further spoiler: Itsuki is too awkward / proper to get hers and will forever miss out. That sucks.

And holy cow, Miku's kiss is... something else. I enjoyed that scene tremendously.

A resolution... yay....

We get to know the "winner." And as predicted I was heartbroken. It was really hard to see Miku cry. And till the end they played it out so you would think it would be Itsuki.

It's Yotsuba.

WTH?

Remember my last article?

"And after two seasons of this show I can't believe Yotsuba will be it, but they keep awfully quiet about her actual feelings, dammit."

I have to eat those words now. But also this resolution sucks and sucks hard. (It will get worse, though, no worries.) And not just because I'm butt-hurt. I am, though. From that moment onward the movie collapsed like a soufflé made by Miku. Old Miku. Not movie Miku. But I digress.

You see, I checked my watch, and we were one hour into the movie about. So the rest of the movie is denouement. Talk about letting the air out prematurely. And people didn't immediately leave at the resolution - they left more like when they noticed that now the most unconvincing part came.

If you, like me, watched the anime, you would see that Yotsuba was a bit side-lined in comparison. It can be refreshing that she never pushes herself into the foreground of the story, but she doesn't get much in the way of character development. (In a forum I just visited before writing this somebody said that that's great about her - she starts perfect. I don't know how the lack of any character arc can be a good thing...?) So this was really rather blindsiding. The thing is that Yotsuba barely presents herself as a girl or as a love interest. This makes this seem gimmicky and weak.

But what really drives this home is what happens next. She refuses Futaro, runs away, and we learn her story, and it commits several sins at once. It re-contextualizes the character. And it does so after the twist "ending." In other words, we largely get to know the story in hindsight. What is this? A heist movie? Fu*k dat.

You see, the Yotsuba we know is a ditz, right? And her failing her finals in another school makes the Nakano sisters join together and go with her. But here we learn why Yotsuba failed. Yotsuba wanted to be special and stand apart. First through her grades and studying hard - like she apparently promised herself and Futaro. And when the others discover their own strengths and she can't be best because everybody excels at different things, she ditches studying and joins all those clubs and excels at sport. To finally find recognition. And she ignores words of warning and the help of her sisters who care for her. She isn't happy for them. She's on an ego trip.

So, if you think Yotsuba always has been everybody's cheerleader? Now you know she supposedly wasn't. We are then to believe that this failure and her sisters stepping up for her changed her and she completely reversed character and became the one - within the school break - that would ditch her obsessive goal and become uncomplaining, cheerful genki girl that exists to serve.

This is just breaking the character altogether. Yes, people can change from having an event in their life that they deeply regret. But all of this happens off-screen and after-the-fact, making it unsatisfying. We are to believe that carefree and charming Yotsuba first changed Futaro's life, then became obsessed with the goal of being special, then changed her ways, ditched the goal entirely, and returns to her always cheerful ways? A way she left behind for years? It's like copy-pasting character development into the end.

I understood why people left. I played with the thought myself.

What drives this home even harder is that Yotsuba rejects Futaro. Her running away and him chasing after her puts even more spotlight on her childlike qualities and gives it a bit of a creepy note. Not because it makes him seem creepy, but somehow there seems to be such a difference between them that's hard to dismiss.

This is the character we've been told about (twice) that she still uses her panties from elementary school because she "takes care of her things." I really liked the anime series Yotsuba, but when the resolution comes, she really doesn't fit the mold she's cast in, and most of the rest of the movie is wasted into trying to convince us that that's the right choice.

It takes Nino to get the confession out of Yotsuba that she loves Futaro. After all the wallowing and moaning that she does not deserve this.

Love is random, fate decides everything

And what message does this "now we'll show you why" slideshow give us? That love is random and unpredictable? That the others never stood a chance because it was Yotsuba who met him in Kyoto and that this was fated and triggered his character development?

The movie makes it clear that Yotsuba could have reminded Futaro of them knowing each other on day one. She probably saw his name on the quiz she picked up. She knew his name from before. This is another lazy instance of "First Girl Wins" - but Yotsuba has no reason to not act on it, she could just remind him she knows him back then. This is set up as a mystery for later, leading to a rather lame reveal. As viewers (in season 2), we can keep track of who may have seen the photos and could realize that they know Futaro from before. But the reveal spoils that completely - Yotsuba never needed the hint to begin with. She knew. So the whole thing was played for naught. It devalues the beginning of the show, the initial scene, because it makes no sense.

Okay, she has a reason. Yotsuba sees herself as being the one that failed their promise. Fine. But she really doesn't say, over the course of 1.5 years, "Hey, you know, do you not remember me?" It all gets so unconvincing. And it's shoveled in from the back.

Maybe the movie sells this badly, after all adaptations are not necessarily true to their source material. They select and omit and change. But nowhere this part did it feel convincing or alright.

Then we get a pointless "all quintuplets" in a wedding dress rehash, with another instance of fake-pointing at Itsuki, and then the stealth letdown happens. Even five years later, after having grown into independent women that can follow their dreams (opening a restaurant as sisters, becoming a teacher, being a star) we see no hint that any of the other sisters have a man by their side. They're just not allowed to move on. It's said they will even join them on their honeymoon. (They conceivably could have boyfriends and so on, but that last bit makes that really unlikely.) So are they meant to be appendages forever?

This is not a happy end, it's downright depressing. Not only has fate at every turn decreed who gets to win, and not only has it been decreed ten years before the wedding who gets to wed, fate keeps the remaining four in the winner's wake. This is an ugly harem trope truth. Let them move on. Whom you had an unrequited crush on with 17 may or may not define you for life. But if you still have the same crush five years later on, something's wrong. Are we meant to believe that successful Ichika hasn't had suitors that changed her mind? That Nino wouldn't cut her losses? That Miku, once out her shell, wouldn't move on with her life? That Itsuki wouldn't want a family of her own? It seems like they all got suspended in amber almost. You don't meet a decent guy in college? When running your own business? When traveling the world doing films?

What didn't suck

As I said, up until the "resolution" the movie is quite decent, carefully rehashing the "it must come to a head during event X" recipe it has tried before.

Itsuki has a story arc with her biological father and suddenly her stepfather, Mr Nakano, in spite of still looking like a snake, takes on more human qualities. Not only did he step up when the actual dad ran out on the mother, he also tries (within his limitations) to follow Nino's invitation to the festival. And we see that he listened to Nino's wishes in the past and would get her into cooking. He's never shown as being able to connect to others in a heart-to-heart way, but he tries in his own way to be good. Which adds more to Nino and things she only hinted at before.

Also the scene where Nakano gives Futaro his blessing is great. The man has the expression of a robot, and the joke of "don't call me father" repeats. But only because he thinks he doesn't deserve to be called that and is uncomfortable with this. We also get to see how Futaro got the job since Uesugi and Nakano were classmates.

We get another arc of Miku becoming more assertive. But since she steps out of her shell twice in a row it feels forced and overdone. But it's still good seeing her take things in her own hands.

The fact that Yotsuba collapses from trying to do everybody's job at the festival is very much in tune to her previous character. And that all the people she helped out come together to help her out is a thing of beauty - it comes late but is not any less satisfying.

What didn't work

Nino as center of an idol group. At least in the anime we never saw her doing any of that before. Seems sudden and hence unconvincing. She certainly has the outward confidence to try, though. It seems like the kind of thing you stuff into a movie to fill time - thankfully it was short.

It's hinted that Ichika gets private lessons from Futaro because of the school she misses due to her acting job. But after mentioning it, it then leads to nothing. She seems to suffer a bit from "Why are you still here" altogether, becoming an ever remote character - until she leaves Japan entirely. She gets to make up for her meddling in season 2.

A fight between boys and girls about what food stall to run? And that's the bad drama Miku has to resolve? She does well, but it's weak.

Audience laughs were few and far between. I laughed more than I heard laughs from others.

The movie basically wastes its second hour altogether. The fact that the movie has to go on and on to justify the chosen resolution makes the weakness all the more glaring. The movie is listed at 136 minutes runtime and could have ended after 80. We get a wedding speech from Yotsuba that reminds us what we already know about her sisters, except we hear it from her.

So there we have it. It ends all with the excitement of a whoopie cushion, especially if you sit on it for another hour. And the rotten thing is that I like Yotsuba, it's just that there seems to lead no way from A to B. All the scenes meant to justify that Yotsuba is the one are when she is a kid. And when we see her at the end, she still feels like a kid. It never felt like we truly got a real romantic arc with her, just an outing to the playground. And while the original scene at the playground was nice and in tune, when they revisit the playground it somehow doesn't work for me, either. The first time felt innocent and true, the second time... flat. (Him breaking the swing got an audience laugh.)

And that's how it is. If you set up an inevitable choice, there will be disappointment. So some hearts would always have been broken. And the scene where Miku cries and they join together as sisters in heartbreak was really bad for me - not a bad scene, it was actually a good one. Where Miku basically announces the dream they all had is over. Given the setup this was unavoidable. And no other character could carry this better.

The thing, however, you can do as an author is to lead a path towards that ending instead of spending lots of time on other characters and then shouting "Gotcha!" at the end. (Here the makers of the anime might share some blame in their choice of material.) Ironically fiction is held to stricter standards than life here because we fear the randomness. In a story we want the satisfaction of having seen it coming, it being inevitable. Nothing here feels like that. It has the charm of five puddings being thrown to the wall and one stuck.

The story of "I can't decide, I can't decide" has ended with "I know, I'm absolutely sure, and will be sure forever and ever after". Are you convinced?

[shidiand]

2022 shidi’s review

Best of media

- Umineko no Naku Koro ni

I started Umineko by manga in 2016 and made it to Ep 6, picked up the LP archive version ~1-2 years ago and made it to Ep 3, but this November I finally finished Umineko from beginning to end in its proper visual novel form. It may well be the longest thing I've ever read, and yet the remarkable thing about Umineko is that I believe it hardly squanders a single moment of its immense 1.1 million word count; it by and large fully justifies every use of its tremendous length. I feel that very few works of such length do. There are still things I want to resolve about it; I want to reread it again one day and solve them myself. There are still more things I'll probably carry with me into things I create from here on out. Is there any visual novel with better soundtrack or voice acting? I've become an Umineko Guy, and I will wear this mark with pride.

- Hellsinker.

I first played Hellsinker in 2020, and I delved into about ~75% of the game at that time, but it wasn't until March this year that I finally pushed myself to finish it, and let myself see everything about the game. It's still one of my favourite games ever. One of my favourite experiences ever. A wholly, solitarily unique game uncompromising in its vision; it grants you a glimpse of it and its author's insanity, and I did my best to interpret it. You might bounce off of it, such a game it is. But highly specific games, that can only appeal to certain people, have their charm too. I was a Dead Liar main from beginning to end. I will continue to recommend this game to others until the day I die.

- Defunctland's Disney Channel Theme: A History Mystery A documentary of modest length, but a lovely one. Surely one of my favourite Defunctland videos ever (not that I have watched much of his work), and possibly for a very long time to come.

- action button reviews boku no natsuyasumi A longer documentary, but a remarkable one in how it weaves a deep analysis of the game and Tim Roger's personal stories and reflections into a potent emotional core. Beautifully told.

- Secret Base's Captain Ahab: The Story of Dave Stieb Another long documentary, this time one covering the more cut-and-dry story of Dave Stieb's baseball career, but it wrung much emotion out of me all the same. I'm glad I was able to learn about this single little story of sports history, one episode at a time.

- Nuclear Throne

I also started NT in 2016 and reached a resolution with it that year, but in the depths of my unemployment malaise, on a whim of coincidence (seeing Rami Ismail retweet a video essay about it by @dookasx​), I decided to pick it up again this year, and it soon became my fidget game for killing 20-30 minutes of time. It was not long until I decided to push myself to achieve 100% unlocks to fill a newfound need for closure. Then the madness began. This challenge ran from about April to August. My understanding of the game and how to best build and play to unlock each crowns changed significantly from my 2016 understanding, and I surely improved quite a bit over the course of the challenge, but the Rogue (has weak passive and active abilities) and Melting (has 2 HP instead of 8) runs tested my patience and sanity towards the very end. I can say I have explored this completed game to a very deep degree, and that I would not recommend this challenge to others. There are probably better things I could have done with that time. However, the game is pretty fun.

- Alice to Zouroku

I didn't read or watch Alice to Zouroku for the first time in 2022, but I did do a rewatch of the anime in February, and on that revisit it went quite a ways up my ranking of anime and fiction in general. Something about viewing Sana's experiences through the lens of autism made me just a bit more fond of it, I've been thinking about it from time to time throughout the year. It's a very tender story. The soundtrack of the anime wrings emotions out of me. I didn't actually know that the manga continued after chapter 21 because the scans stop there (ahaha...), and it was such a strange yet not bad place to have an "ending", I respected that. Don't mind that. I recommend it.

- Berserk

I read all of Berserk for the first time this year. I am certain that if I had read this earlier in my life, it would have had a great and lasting influence on me, both in storytelling and art; however, I think works like Vagabond and Tenco's Story had already taken that spot for me years ago, so it was not to be. Yet I was still swept up in awe at this story quite literally larger than the life of its author, of epic confrontations, and pain, and healing. Miura's ability to depict portraits of scale was unmatched. The weight of Guts' legacy, looking back at the web of influence from Guts to every dragonslayer derived from him, is tremendous. Another epic-length story that I feel deserves to be as long as it is.

- Bocchi the Rock

There has been no shortage of effusive praise for the Bocchi the Rock anime, so I will exempt myself from writing much of my own, but it was a very enjoyable experience to watch and share in with the many positive bocchiposters on my Twitter and Tumblr feeds. The music was great, the musical performances blew the bandori scenes I'd been accustomed to out of the water, and it was genuinely quite funny and emotionally cogent. It's got a small cast of characters who simply give off so much personality, it would be hard not to love them.

- Healer Girl

This was a 2022 seasonal that I watched on my own, as I like to do, and it was a delight. A fine mix of lightness and seriousness in its storytelling, charming characters, presented with a musical coating. If that sounds like Bocchi the Rock... yeah, I guess it does. It might not be as insane and radical as BTR, but I think it holds up. You've all heard the good word about BTR. I would recommend giving Healer Girl a try.

- The First 12 Episodes of G Gundam

Okay, this probably doesn't deserve to be on here, not without having finished it first, but G Gundam is such stupid fun. It's just good to go back and watch some shit from a completely different time period and take in the differences. I really liked the orchestra-based soundtrack and stingers. And this Domon Kasshu fella. What a guy. What a classic burning-hearted coolguy.

- Kindred Spirits on the Rooftop

Another late-to-the-party media for me to experience in 2022. Though not without tangible flaws, it managed to tell a charming high-school story from beginning to end. It was a little longer than I expected due to wading through the latter, bonus half of the content that was more often than not an exercise in clicking through scene reruns rearranged for a different character's perspective (but there were enough new scenes that I could tolerate it.) I had no interest in the sex scenes, which were mostly just okay, and ended up zoning out while clicking past them. Even so, the ending made me feel something when it was all over, and perhaps that was enough to push me to faithfully 100% every scene, the seiyuu comments, the drama CDs, the translations on Tumblr of lead writer tweet-comments, whichever AO3 fics interested me enough to read them, the VN podcasters' episodes about it... so, not nothing. Not bad at all. Not an unconditional recommendation, but it was good, to me.

- Urasekai Picnic (vol 5 - 7 and fanfics)

I'd been reading Urapi since 2021, but I got around to reading the latest volumes this year, and the story has continued to develop in ways that bolstered my confidence in the series from "fun, episodical horror encounters with lesbian investigators" to "now we're really getting somewhere with these characters and this plot". The teasers for the upcoming volume 8 are giving me yet more bits of confidence that Urapi might just round out to a properly closed narrative. I also read @rabbiteclair​'s excellent Urapi fanfics this year, which is a notable side point to this item; all quite excellent and capable of making me hallucinate that I read an additional volume or two of Urapi this year at times when I am not fully awake.

Things I did

- Wrote https://shidiand.tumblr.com/intro2touhou. I don't know if it's good. But it's something.

- Wrote some other things. I think this was one of the few times I'd properly finished a major project on my own. It was a catharsis. If you took the time to read it, thank you.

- Drew a few things, not very seriously. I made my friends and my favourite artist smile by drawing their OCs, so I'm happy.

https://akiraita.tumblr.com/post/684828588797837312/as-veil-enjoyer-193-i-like-hina-a-lot-so-here-she

https://twitter.com/shidiand/status/1518375294268104705

https://twitter.com/shidiand/status/1572331492923310081

- Stopped watching vtubers. I took a step back from the excitement of keeping up with streams. I'll be alright.

- Helped archive the N-tone x Dust_Box_49 10th Anniversary collection on Youtube. I was conflicted over doing this permissionless upload. But this music is very important to me.

- Participated in TTRPG with friends. It didn't pan out for me but I was glad I gave it a try. Sometimes exhausting. Always quite engrossing. It was probably the most social I was all year. Thank you to my GM and fellow players.

- Started learning Japanese again. I'm plateauing a bit, and I've only been working on my reading, but I managed to get into a good spot for grammar.

- Started exercising regularly again. Have to take care of this body.

- Got my driver's license. Driving gives me anxiety but it's a little step of responsibility.

- Did not go insane during the long year of unemployment. I regained the will to find a job again by the end of the year.

I'll keep at it going into 2023. I think I can get a job, I'll keep thinking about some original stories. No promises about drawing. Let's become a human once more.

[inhonoredglory]

another character based question - how do you feel about mikasa? a lot of fans dont like her, im curious about how you feel! - armin anon

Hellooooo Armin Anon. OMG it’s been forever since I had the time to sit down and do a proper meta, and I apologize.

First off, I finished the manga!!! (So, spoilers ahead for anyone else reading this.) I had to lie down after reading 139. It’s a tremendous story and I’m still taking it all in. The set pieces and personal/emotional stakes of everything that happens is just astounding. If it’s one thing Isayama does good, it’s the gut-wrenching personal anguish that underlies the action. I’m absolutely floored. My favorite bit was probably the timey-wimey stuff in Paths and Eren. That blew my freaking mind. But onto Mikasa!!

A Cruel Yet Beautiful World

I remember way back when I started the anime that I started liking Mikasa first out of the group. I liked how sullenly silent and no-nonsense she was, and I liked her loyalty to Eren. Her emotion, especially when Eren died in Trost, was palpable and terrifyingly beautiful. Her grief was incredibly realistic––rushing off with a death wish that even she couldn’t succumb to in the end, because of the drive to fight that she got from Eren. In a world like SNK, her relentlessness breaking through her grief was incredibly moving. And her philosophy is basically the driving theme of SNK: “This is a cruel world, and yet so beautiful.”

This is the same moral message she gives Eren when he can’t find the strength in him to fight Annie––and gives him that warm, understanding, inscrutable smile that allows him to finally accept his own monsters, fight Annie, and save her and Armin. (One of my favorite panels of her from the manga, actually.) Mikasa is basically the first character we meet who embodies this contradictory morality, which grows to engulf SNK and other characters as well (Levi, Reiner, and Armin especially come to mind). Which could be why I was drawn to her at the start, since the complex moral outlook of SNK was the primary reason I fell hard for this story.

(And gosh, it’s tragic to realize that it’s teaching moments like the scene above that made Eren into the person who could influence his own child self to murder, the person who could wipe out so much of humanity, the person who could take Ymir’s challenge to free her by destroying the love of the person who cared the most about him. I’m still processing yo.)

Acker-parallels

I started really analyzing Mikasa when I had to defend her from a friend of mine who accused her of resenting Levi (for beating up Eren) and that’s why she attacked him so violently in the RTS serumbowl. Because of my research into rebutting that, a lot of my affection for Mikasa now comes in seeing the little ways in which she cares and trusts other people, including Armin, Levi, Gabi, and Jean. And her quiet sensibility that goes beyond her love and protectiveness of Eren.

With Levi in particular, I find a lot I like about her. Because you can definitely see her annoyance at him, but she also trusts him more than anyone else in the Corps outside of Armin. After Levi’s violent encounter with Historia, she was the only one who implicitly trusted Levi’s judgement, backing up Armin’s more reasoned logic. She sees beyond her own emotions and even moral feelings and realizes the world is cruel enough that sometimes people have to do dark things to help others and survive.

This is very much the same statement Levi made to the 104th when he had asked them to follow Erwin’s orders when the commander’s plans were questionable on the surface: “Do you trust him? Those dumb enough to say yes… come with me.” These two understand each other on a moral level, and they ask for their comrades’ loyalty without demanding it, because they each know that everyone’s conscience is their own.

There’s a clear parallel between Mikasa and Levi, not only because of their Ackerman heritage and sensibilities (loyal to a fault to their chosen person, impossibly strong, quiet and grim), but their frustration when they cannot protect the people they are responsible for. They both know they are the strongest around, and if they cannot fulfill on that power, a lot of people will die.

There are many moments in which Mikasa puts aside her personal feelings to do her soldierly duty, from leaving Eren to help with the evacuation of Trost to leaving Eren and Armin to fight the Colossal Titan alone in Shigonshina.

And then there’s the fact that Levi’s the one who could break past Mikasa’s headspace and distraction so that she can do the right thing. He understands her strong emotion, he respects it, but he also knows when that has to be put aside for the greater good. But he doesn’t put her down for having those emotions, either.

Strength from Eren, Humanity from Armin

Mikasa’s love and loyalty to Eren challenges her tremendously after the timeskip and her sorrow at Eren’s change is what really stands out to me about her character in the Marley arc. The absolute grief in her eyes when she tells Eren what he’s done is devastating, and it shows just how much goodness and compassion she does have.

And yet she longs to understand Eren, to trust him, to believe there can be something redeeming, and not merely jaded and tired, in what he taught her so many years ago––to fight, to win, to live.

There’s such a difference between these same words said here by Mikasa, so many years later, after so much heartbreak, to the anger and flame that were in them when she first heard them, back when she realized that this was the way of the world. That death and killing happens in the natural world everyday and that’s how you survive. That the world is both cruel and beautiful.

And yet as the years wore on, as Mikasa grew closer to others, found purpose in protecting others, sought a life with Eren… as she wandered further into the forest of life and society and relationships, she lost some of that simple injunction... to live is to fight, to fight is to win. She, like so many of the 104th and the others on this journey, found that it’s not enough to just fight and live and be satisfied. We really want it all to mean something, to have our actions be redemptive. To allow ourselves to believe that we do what we’re doing because we’re not just saving ourselves, but saving others, “saving the world” like Yelena points out (in the forest therapy session pfff). And it’s that drive for something bigger in our actions that grieves her so much with Eren, because as she wants her own actions to be fundamentally good and selfless, she wants his actions to be moral as well.

So while Eren is the person that frustrates Mikasa and motivates her to become stronger and braver than she ever was, Armin is the person who humanizes Mikasa and allows her the space to be gentle and vulnerable. She comforts Armin, confides in him, puts her faith in him, and puts her life in his hands.

She trusts Armin with Eren, and she values Armin’s intellect and compassion, qualities she doesn’t have in nearly as much quantities as he does: “There are only so many lives I can value. And… I decided who those people were six years ago. So... you shouldn’t try to ask for my pity. Because right now, I don’t have time to spare or room in my heart.”

This bit from her confrontation with Ymir and Historia was a defining moment for me with Mikasa. It’s honest and realistic in a way that few of us care to admit about ourselves, and it’s just super chilling and badass coming from her, too. It also shows how much she fights for Armin and Eren both. They are the two people she loves the most in the world, and she never gave up on saving either of them––from death or from themselves.

I’m looking back on Trost now and finding so much irony with the ending to SNK. In Trost, she was the one to give up on Eren, telling Armin that it was hopeless to try to extract Eren’s personality from his Titan form. And yet, like in the end, it’s always been between Armin and Mikasa to try to salvage Eren’s humanity. In Trost, Armin tells Mikasa to leave––to go do what she’s good at (saving lives)––and to entrust Eren to him.

It’s a huge expression of both Mikasa’s trust in Armin, and her belief in Armin’s abilities and friendship for Eren. And in the end, it’s the two of them again debating on if there’s any humanity left in Eren. The bond they share is intimate and deep. With all the military doubting Eren and scheming to take away his Titan (with even Jean and Connie unavailable to them emotionally), it’s only Armin and Mikasa against the world––the only two people who can truly consider Eren’s actions and hold off on judging him. And you can feel their love for him even as they doubt him.

And like back then, it has always been Armin who understands Eren most, the one who recognizes his own evil and Eren’s and finds a redemption in having others stop you, because you cannot stop yourself.

And that’s the thing I really take away from SNK and from Mikasa’s journey, that we all have devils inside us, and yet there is still beauty to be found, within us and in the world––from the natural wonders that Armin dreams of, to the comfort of purpose and companionship that Mikasa has in Eren. Love and wonder is what redeems us of our devils. And yet love itself is complicated, and can turn ugly in its obsession. That giving up that love is what makes the love selfless and beautiful, what absolves us of the selfishness within us. That’s what Mikasa learned. And in the end, she was able to release that love for the good of the world.

So I guess to sum up, I really love Mikasa. I can see why her dogged loyalty to Eren might annoy some fans, but I think there’s a lot more to her than simply that, and in fact, her journey and growth is heart-rending and one of the most symbolic arcs of SNK and fundamental to its entire theme. She’s a badass with a lot of emotion and depth behind her cold mask.

[demonicsaintess]

Four sister characters, that make you wish you had one, or at least a different one.

Sisters. A word that comes with so much meaning, but can also be warped tremendously. I have sisters, two in fact; but I hate dislike them unfortunately. So I’ve wished that I could have a sister who I could actually get along with. So I’ve decided to expand upon a few of my beloved sister characters of anime.

Izumi Sagiri

(Eromanga-Sensei)

Sagiri is the cutest thing in the whole world. She’s shown as a small girl, with silver pigtails, and a very adorable habit of wearing oversized clothing. She gives off an innocent appeal, but is a master at the art of erotic manga.

Now, I’m kind of a recluse myself, so I totally understand the never wanting to leave the house. So for me, if I had a sister who was reclusive due to trauma, I’d probably have an overwhelming desire to protect them.

I’m not going deeper into her and her brothers relationship details further because there would be a line I’d have to cross, and no thanks. In any case though, having a cute tsundere sister who gets embarrassed like Sagiri, could definitely be fun to have.

Nezuko Kamado

(Demon Slayer)

I don’t think there’s been a sister character in a while, that people have wholeheartedly embraced like they have with Nezuko. (Although off the record, I have the memory of a snail). The whole show is basically about Nezuko and Tanjiro, and their love for each other as siblings.

Despite Nezuko having been changed into a demon, her overwhelming love for her brother, her only family left, she’s managed to basically defy logic and last as a demon without consuming any blood.

Being this dedicated to her family, who wouldn’t want a younger sister with such a strong desire to protect you?

Miyuki Shiba

(The Irregular at Magic High)

Miyuki is the most adorable quick tempered little sister. I kind of have a love for the admiring little sister trope. What can I say, I love a good doting older brother complex *shrugs*

Anyways, Miyuki is powerful because of her brother. As she says in the beginning: “Even my life was given to me by my brother.” That sort of fierce loyalty is rare in my opinion.

The Orihara Sisters; Mairu and Kururi

(Durarara!!)

Their brother is a dick. They’ve survived with each other and became reliant to a point of it making them an unstoppable unit. If you have no interest from your little sisters, you probably don’t deserve them. Otherwise, who could resist such a polarity of sisters? Double sisters means double the cuteness!

And, I’ll throw this in as a wild card, the queen of the imouto genre herself:

Kirino Kosaka

(Oreimo)

Since there’s pretty much a big slap in the face of what this anime is, I fear not to speak upon it. Kosaka is definitely the “perfect” little sister. She’s basically the forerunner of the stereotypical little sister: only having her older sibling in her eyes, despite his flaws; while also tormenting him in a more personal way. Kosaka checks all those boxes, being wrapped up in a tsundere labeled box.

Thanks for reading!

~ The Holy Villainess

[tobiasdrake]

How strong is Mr. Mark "Hercule" Satan in the manga? From what I know, in the anime we see him either vanish or use the afterimage technique (forget which) and I think dodge bullets - is that in the manga too, or he is just meant to be at the peak of real-life human ability (like the guys Kid Goku and Krillin fight in the preliminaries of the World Tournament)?

Peak of human ability. Within human limits, Mr. Satan is the world's greatest martial artist.

Right off the bat, he's identified by martial arts lore guy Yamcha as the martial arts champion of the world. The Cell Games reporter, known in the dub as Jimmy Firecracker, corroborates this statement at the tournament.

The anime hypes him up by pulling multiple buses and ripping phone books in half. However, in the manga, the Cell Games start like right after Mr. Satan steps out on-panel for the first time and gives his speech. Goku and the others have one chapter to wrap up the revival of Shenron and then it's off to the tournament.

The first we see of what he can really do is when he steps into the ring, bringing with him a tremendous demonstration of his power.

Jimmy's right. This is very impressive.

Uh. Within human limits.

It's just that we're a bit beyond that baseline by this point.

Incidentally, a common misconception for Mr. Satan is that he won the 24th Tenkaichi Budokai leading up to the Cell Games. He did not. The Tenkaichi Budokai was cancelled after Piccolo nuked the island it was held on, and wouldn't be revived until after the Cell Games.

That said, he did compete in it after the Cell Games, and he did win the gold.

This is a very easily confused plot point, so much so that even the Daizenshuu gets it wrong and pegs the 24th as having just happened five days before the Androids activated.

But although Mr. Satan was the world champion, he was not the champion of that tournament. Not yet.

All indications seem to be that Mr. Satan won the 24th legitimately. No tricks, no shenanigans, no fooling around. The punch machine records Satan at 137 points of... whatever measurement they're using.

It's just a couple points under the all-time record set at the 24th, also by Mr. Satan.

This slightly lower reading is probably due to the, uh, changes in his workout regimen since the 24th.

We never get to see this tournament, but we get a glimpse of it and its structure through its contestants. A few of the contestants at the 25th are veterans from the 24th, coming back to try and take another crack at the champ.

Satan is the leader of this pack, having won his championship belt in a stunning final bout against Jewel that left the announcer underwhelmed and disappointed.

Goku and his rivals have absolutely ruined this man for standard human-level martial arts. They've raised the bar so high, Mr. Satan couldn't possibly compare.

Though, by Gohan's estimation, Videl's outgrown him too.

Had the 25th not had all these aliens and gods and warlocks cluttering it up, there's a real chance this tournament would have ended in Videl dethroning her father in the finals. Something I would dearly pay to see.

As far as dodging bullets, I think the closest he comes to that is when these two idiots attack Buu.

When he scurries out of the way of this RPG they fire at Majin Buu. Though we don't see how far he got, as he momentarily vanishes from the manga following this blast. Perspective remains on the attackers reloading and firing on Buu some more while Satan makes his way to their position under cover of tunnel vision.

The actual gun that's shot at him in this fight hits its mark. But also it was a shot from behind so he couldn't have dodged it even if he could dodge bullets.

So I'm gonna call that "inconclusive" on whether he can dodge bullets. By battleboard logic, I'm sure escaping the RPG is an incredible feat. Mr. Satan is only peak human but, like, so is Batman. He's within human limits, but "human limits" can be extremely flexible in animation.

This is the same kind of thing as when cartoon characters dodge lasers.

And that's Mr. Satan's career in a nutshell. He's the biggest fish of a small pond (except for his daughter who's outgrown him). Talented and formidable in his own right, supremely impressive within his weight class, but woefully out of his league.

[piduai]

(long ask, sorry! i just. need to talk to Someone about dungeon meshi yeehaw. tbh im not on anon bc i just went thru your dm tag so uh. not subtle lol) heyyyy, i've seen you rb dungeon meshi stuff and due to Circumstances decided to start it finally and. omfg. omg. how do i recover from this. it's so good??? Anyways. i feel like you have some really interesting takes so i was wondering if i could ask you abt what you think of the series?? like. idk it's so good?? you start and it's fun but then it just keeps building and building and then poof you now have a wonderfully crafted story and it's seamless and amazing??? also the designs. i LOVE the designs. tade is so agdjwgdhw and falin and marcille and namari and- anyways women <3. but yeah all the designs are so good, and the characters.... at first i was like. ok. abt laius but now i love him and just. wow ryoko kui is so skilled. manga so good it makes me forget abt the horrors even if there are horrors in it too lmao. anyways, i'm really excited to see how this story is gonna end!!!! and then ill make time to reread it slower too..... but yeah, i'd be happy to hear abt your thoughts on the series!!!

dungeon meshi is very nice :) i think it's as basic as it can get in terms of plot/writing but it excels in other categories. it's just pleasant to read, pleasant to look at, misses the rough around the edges feel a lot of obscure manga have (not that it's obscure lol it got awards and stuff. but it's taken a while to get an anime project) but doesn't feel forced & fabricated either, it's a rather intricate work, like a beautifully crocheted shawl done in vibrant shades... it strikes a good balance between feel-good and eerie. what i personally like the most is how you can see that the author is a very artsy person through her additional sketches, it's someone passionate about her craft who has depth of perception but also knows how to appeal to a wider audience without losing authenticity. i like how her sketches are individualistic and at times unsettling, but the manga itself has a very neat, rounded up, tidy style. another thing i like about the manga is just how diverse the character designs are, not in a "races have distinct designs" way, but that there's a wide variety of physiques, body types, skin colors, and it just does not feel forced or tokenized at all. it's just nice to see something different for a change! and like, i'm a person who really dislikes the setting itself (dungeons & dragons lol. and i don't like anthro stuff and human/animal hybrids either) but it's still easy to enjoy it even for someone like me. and it's rather funny! it has an up-beat optimistic tone overall, light-hearted, the comedy is always timed and delivered well. it's like a more nerdy less plot-heavy fma, comparison to which is always a huge compliment in my book. and yes, the characters are very lovable. marcille is the poster girl for classic main female character, it feels like they even stopped making those lol. everyone is just so different from each other and all have unique personalities explained by their circumstances, even rather episodic characters, and with that you can feel the tremendous care that went into creating them. as i said i don't consider it anything worth writing home about in terms of plot/character writing (it DOES have a video game setting after all...) and frankly in the beginning it was a bit boring but with time it becomes really fluid. "pleasant" is the perfect word for it, it's a good manga

[kitsu-katsu]

On kiribaku becoming canon and their evidence:

So I posted this on reddit earlier, but wanted to have it here where more KRBK shippers are, since I just ended up compiling a lot more than I thought I would.

Fair warning: A pretty big text with a compilation of kiribaku moments ahead.

We would all love kiribaku being canon, and I think it's not as much of a longshot as some may lead you to believe.

Honestly, if one of them was a girl, this would most certainly be canon, like, just in the anime we have:

Them becoming friends slowly in the background, leaving us with good development between them that is so seamless it can hit you hard once you notice how close they've become if you hadn't noticed before.

Them arriving and leaving the pool together while walking in the sunset.

They support and compliment each other (both on personality and quirks, like come on).

Kirishima can just lean on Bakugou or side hug him all the time and Bakugou lets him with no problem, which considering who we're talking about is a pretty big thing.

Kirishima can seem even more agitated than Deku about Bakugou being taken, and Deku is the one who idolized him since childhood.

The whole "It has to be you" thing and the precious hand holding (including that little scene after the rescue, where Kiri tries to grab Baku's hand again).

Kirishima bought expensive night vision googles in case they were useful for the rescue even though they had Yaomomo with them (this boy goes through extremes just to ensure his boyfriend's best friend's safety)

Kirishima is officially the one Bakugou considers an equal, and considering his conflicting inferiority and superiority complexes (making him perpetually place people as above him or beneath him) is vital information.

Kirishima is esentially Bakugou's first real friend (as Deku was considered more of an incomprehensible nuisance and his childhood troop seemed more like his followers who just put him up on a pedestal and followed what he did).

Kirishima has jumped in front of danger for Bakugou's sake quite a bit of times (including a time in the movie).

Kirishima is a central piece in Bakugou's character development.

Bakugou was the one who told Kirishima he was strong and gave him his confidence back, reminding him of what he said at the start of their friendship.

Kirishima unlocked fucking UNBREAKABLE because of Bakugou's encouragement.

Going to extra stuff:

Bakugou's favourite hobbie is hiking, and we're shown he takes Kirishima with him sometimes, thing he doesn't seem to do with other characters.

The whole festival thing, with the narrator outright assuming Bakugou must have given his coat to a pretty girl who was cold, only for it to be revealed in another picture that he gave it to Kirishima because as usual, he didn't have a shirt on.

On the movie Bakugou could have taken anyone to I-Island and took Kirishima as his plus one. They share a room. Kirishima bought suits for both of them, with the most detailed one with white roses being for Bakugou, and they decide to go to the party together.

In a BNHA Smash connected directly to the movie, Midoriya notices the white roses in Bakugou's suit and notes that they mean deep respect and "I'm the one for you", which prompts Bakugou to send an explosion his way (not to Kirishima who gave him the suit, mind you), which makes the flowers turn red (from blood), after which Mineta appears to say that red roses mean "beautiful and passionate love".

They are usually seen together in merch stuff.

There's this tumblr post talking about japanese fan's reactions to one of Horikoshi's drawings which I find at least hilarious:

https://exbrodokills.tumblr.com/post/187710597637/here-it-is

There are discussions regarding Kirishima's character sheet and the translation of him liking "tough guys" (here's a podt by aitaikimochi explaining the meaning of the translation: https://www.google.com/amp/s/aitaikimochi.tumblr.com/post/171127708911/amp) where even translator such as aitaikimochi have gotten into, and they have mentioned that there's a japanese stereotype of a type of gay guy who is obsessed with "manly behaviour" and usually stay away from women, prefering tough guys instead, which is interesting to say the least.

Some of the light novel episodes which show more slice of life moment feature some good kiribaku moments, with a prominent one being this one wich details their study date (it seriously seems like fan fiction, not even kidding, and this is supposed to be sort of canon):

https://www.google.com/amp/s/aitaikimochi.tumblr.com/post/171236111166/amp

Also there's a chapter where Kirishima tells Fatgum about Bakugou being extremely happy, and another one where they are arm wrestling between classes and they cheer for one another heavily.

(Honesly, just go through aitaikimochi's whole kiribaku tag, there are some pretty interesting things there)

Here are some analysis on their possible coding, if you guys are interested:

https://docs.google.com/presentation/d/1dxO6Y0yK_wxOJDmRsBYvsVWKwsH7tKc92skxJ--R1m4/edit?usp=drivesdk

(Bakugou's one link can be found at the end of that one)

And in BNHA Smash, there are quite a lot of things, and we must not forget that the whole thing still gets approved by Horikoshi before being published, some of my favourite things are:

Kirishima inviting Bakugou to spend christmas together, with the translators noting christmas in Japan to be a romantic holiday in the same panel.

In one issue, Jirou falls for Kiri and him being oblivious just leaves her for Bakugou.

Once Bakugou becomes a shoujo boy after being his with a quirk and just involuntarily talks in flirt, and in one moment Kirishima outright flirts back.

Bakugou works his ass off to repay Kirishima for the night vision googles they used in the rescue.

Kirishima is literally described as the chicken soup for Bakugou's soul!

An interesting thing I found out is that in the chapter where all of 1A minus Bakugou turn into animals, one scene originally had Kirishima (as a dog) getting jealous of Kaminari and Midoriya petting Tsuyu (as a cat - yes I know, a cat) and giving all their attention to her, however, Horikoshi himself changed that scene, noting he didn't think their character relations worked well in that scene, and made it so that the one that ended up in smash contains Kirishima (as a dog) getting jealous because Todoroki (as a koala) has climbed up Bakugou's torso and won't let go. I saw this all in a tumblr post a few months ago, which showed the original scene in a book (I think it was in italian and was translates below) but I can't currently find the link, sorry, if someone finds it, It'd be appreciated if you could reblog with said link.

And in regards to meta stuff, the show already has some LGBT characters in it, with Magne and Tiger being trans and Toga being bisexual, so it's not as much of a lost cause to hope for this as it would initially seem.

(Please kirimina shippers, don't take offence because of this, it isn't my intention to insult your ship, I simply want to analize what has been given to us, so please try to take this lightly):

We should also take into consideration Krishima's first version in the sort of "beta" for the manga (where Midoriya was Yamikumo).

His character sheet mentions he's quite the delinquent and entered UA to impress a girl. Obviously his character evolved tremendously since then, but the girl was most probably intended to be Mina's equivalent. This was later changed to him liking "tough guys"/"hard liners" and his thing with Mina became more of an "I admired your bravery and heroic spirit when in middle school even if I hardly knew you", later seeing each other and establishing more of a little friendship. However, it hasn't really moved further from there, and Kirishima has already established much stronger bonds with our favourite exploding boy. All changes in characters are made for a reason, and Horikoshi clearly changed his mind on Kirishima's motives for wanting to be a hero and his relationship with Mina.

So yeah, all in all, this ship is great, it's precious, adorable, helps both characters grow, is balanced and has good chemistry. So even if after all these things they don't become officially canon, we still have so much canon material for them in the present I'd honestly still be happy, these dorks make me smile and melt my heart, so I hope they both have good endings.

[silverandsoulbonded]

A Life of Stories - Soulbonding and My Story

It’s the late 90’s. A tiny child sits in the grip of wonder on the carpet two feet from the old, analog television screen. The volume is turned way down on a Saturday morning, so as not to wake the parents. And Digimon: Adventure is playing.

That kid was me.

I spent the next several days telling anyone and everyone I knew about the trials and bravery of my favorite new friends on the TV. Taichi and his Digi-pals.

Every Saturday morning I tuned in with wrapped attention to check in on my friends. Because that is what they were. I could not explain it at the time, and looking back I see that I did not understand just how powerful my love for them was, but over the years I began to notice the disparity between my experience and that of others. The glazed looks I received when I tried to communicate just how much the “stories” around me meant to my heart and spirit.

As I grew, so too did my well of worlds. When it was not Digimon, it turned to Batman and the DC Animated Universe. Over the years, as things became harder and harder for me in an unsafe household, I would reach out to those stories for safety and comfort. In the dead of night, listening to shouts, I would silently pray for Batman to come in and save me. I would think about Static, from Static Shock, and his bravery. I would long for the Justice League to show me hope.

I grew up in a conservative Protestant Christian household, and I was quickly taught from the moment I could understand stories that they were not real. It seemed a strange double-standard to me, as we read of Jesus and his amazing feats, recorded centuries ago by the hands of men but somehow “different” than the other stories I consumed, which also taught me and affected me just as emotionally.

It would not be until adulthood that I could finally articulate this incongruity I felt, much less possess the bravery and personal freedom to think about it on my own terms. To set aside the pre-packaged “truth” I had been fed growing up in order to find my own fresh fruits of wisdom and meaning.

Stories. Stories are what sustain humanity. All we have are stories. Even the perceptions we store in our brains are only that. Perceptions. Stories. We can never truly know what an orange is, or who a person is. We only can know our perception of them, and the story of them that lives on within us.

And, sometimes, those stories speak to us in the most fantastic and magical of ways.

Fast forward to 2021.

I am an adult. A practicing witch and pagan. An artist and writer. I am functional and thriving. And I have an unusual family.

Some of the most important people in my life do not exist on the physical plane of this Earth quite the same as other friends of mine. They exist in the subtle realms of Dream and thought and wonder. Over time I have come to find many names for them. Spirits, guides, and “soulbonds”.

I began my foray into the community of “soulbonding” when I began to sense, or rather, acknowledge the living quality of some of the “characters” I was writing about. One character in particular, a being who introduced himself to me in a dream, had me particularly flummoxed. I called him Asura, and from the moment he entered my life through that dream, my entire world changed. It was akin to stepping onto a roller coaster car while it was still moving—except this roller coaster had no track and no limits. His entire presence permeated my life, my thoughts, my daydreams. I wrote about him, and it was my writing about him that led me to thoughts, questions, and explorations I would have never dared otherwise. By finding him, he led me to find myself, and for that I shall be forever grateful.

At some point, I, and even my closest friends, became aware of a “spookiness” about my dogged pursuit of this mysterious character. I started to know things about him and his world, and make connections in his story, that seemed to come out of nowhere but which all cohered together perfectly. Without a fault, I would learn tidbits about him that would suddenly fit with another thing I learned later, though I never had to strain to achieve such things. It was not so much that I was “creating” the story so much as “recording” it. There were elements of his story that overlapped with our world’s history and it was spooky as all get out when I learned about historical facts through his story and later found them to also be reflected in my own world, which has a similar timeline to his. A sort of “sibling world” to his.

We also noticed the tremendous power of my emotional connection to him and his friends. My boyfriend at the time even became jealous of Asura, though I assured him that was absurd. “Asura is just a story,” I would say. And my boyfriend thought the same yet he, and others, seemed unable to ignore the fact that there seemed to be something weird going on.

And, one day, with horror, I realized I was in love with Asura—fortunately, by that time I had since broken up with my boyfriend—but the idea terrified me. Unsurprisingly, this sent a conservative Christian “good kid” such as myself down into a spiral of questions and disbelief.

I felt the imposter syndrome. I thought, “I must be insane.” Yet, no one, myself included, could deny the reality of this connection I felt.

Over time, Asura and his friends began to speak to me. They guided me and provided loving support to me. I, at the time, figured I was either crazy or eccentric.

“Maybe this is a writer thing,” I thought.

And it was that thought that led me to soulbonding. I learned of other writers who also had their “characters” come alive to them. Alice Walker, author of the famed American work, The Color Purple, allegedly purported that she had received her story straight from the characters’ mouths one afternoon, during which she sat down to tea with them and learned their tale. And that is when I found a forum site called “The Living Library” (now defunct), and learned the term “soulbonding”.

In that community I found others who echoed my story in various ways. Deep personal connections to entities from other worlds, many of whom they found depicted in the flourishing ecosystem of thought and imagination, stories, that surrounds the human race. Others, discovered their unconventional friends via dreams, visions, or odd circumstances just like myself. One person I met had actually found one such friend first, in this instance a version of Edward Elric from “Full Metal Alchemist”, before learning years later—with a start I imagine—that Edward actually had an entire manga and anime about him.

I say “version” because another amazing phenomenon I discovered was the occurrence of many instantiations of people, characters, from infinite worlds, all with slight variances from one another. That is when I was introduced to the idea of Multiverse Theory and Many Worlds Theory.

As my personal investigations led me down various spiritual rabbit holes, and eventually led me to spirit-working and witchcraft, I found more and more ideas that seemed to jive with my experience.

I discovered what are colloquially called “pop pantheons” in occult circles. Pantheons of spirits and deities who connect to pop culture figures in human society—and even figures from “fiction”. And there is a whole, thriving community of people who lead successful, fulfilled, and meaningful spiritual lives working with these entities. I learned that reality and “truth” are not objective like I had been taught so long ago. And I finally understood MY truth—all we have are myths and stories. Experience is subjective and the only measure of meaning and truth we have is in the effects we see in our own lives.

With tremendous wonder and happiness, and even love, I have seen the effects my unconventional friends and family have wrought in my life. Asura is my familiar spirit now, and I have a whole host of other beings whom I love. Some come from “personal gnosis”, or unique experience, such as Asura. Others are beings who have come to me from the vast world of collective Dreaming that permeates our world, evident in media sources, in the form of stories.

I still have moments of doubt. I sometimes wonder, “Gee-golly-whiz, am I NUTS?” But then I remember that my truth exists only in my own experience. My ethereal family brings me happiness, growth, and meaning. And there really is no difference between my relationship with them and the relationship I had with Jesus so long ago. Every experience is real to me, and brings with it change and good. And that is what matters.

In this blog I intend to share my experience, in hopes that it can offer a beacon to others in similar situations. Every person’s experience is unique, though I hope mine can at least offer some hope, understanding, and love to another.

Cheers.

And happy story-telling.

- Cosmic